#one before that I knew for 3 months already but it was also a. complicated relationship

[loveesiren]

Hi lovely. Hope youre having a great weekend. I had short question. I love your writing and was wondering if you do requests? If so could I ask for one where y/n meets GD's cats for the first time. Theyre both nervous but it goes great.

If not, sorry for asking

Have a great rest of your weekend<3

Ｚｏａ'ｓ Ｆａｖｏｒｉｔｅ

a/n: Oh my sweet angel, if only you knew the creativity this request sparked for me!! I even had to add some SMAU to it! Thank you so much for sending me the cutest request! I hope I did it justice!

Also, I just got a new phone and all my fake social apps got deleted so sorry if they're wack lol

synopsis: Jiyong finally decides that the girl he's been dating should meet his precious babies, and he's blown away by the result.

warnings: FLUFFFF, alochol, language, very light mention of sex, still SFW

wc: 3.2k+

Soft music filled the car as you tapped your fingers against the steering wheel, your stomach twisting with nerves. The GPS on your phone read you were five minutes away, and suddenly, the reality of where you were going sank in deeper.

You and Jiyong had been officially together for two months, though the pull between you had been there long before. Late-night texts that stretched until morning, goofy pictures exchanged on Snapchat, secret moments stolen at his shows. But privacy mattered—to both of you. Being in the public eye made everything more complicated, so you took your time, let things unfold naturally. And you liked it that way.

But tonight was different. Tonight, he had invited you to his home.

It was a big step, one that spoke volumes. Jiyong was careful about his personal space, rarely letting people in. More often than not, he preferred to meet somewhere neutral or come over to your place instead. His past had taught him to be guarded, to protect the things he held closest. That included his home. That included his cats.

Princess Zoa and Iye weren’t just pets to him; they were family. And the fact that he was willing to introduce you to them—on their turf—meant more than words could.

You exhaled sharply as you pulled up to his building, quickly sending him a text to let him know you’d arrived. Within moments, your phone buzzed, and you saw his response:

Come up. Already called it in. Park next to me.

Of course, his building had top-tier security. Nothing less was expected.

You found his spot and eased your car into place beside his, gripping your bag as you took a couple of steadying breaths. Just as you turned to get out—

"Ahh!" You yelped, heart slamming against your ribs.

Jiyong stood outside your window, a smug grin on his face, clearly proud of himself for making you jump.

"You’re a dick!" you huffed as he opened the door for you, still chuckling.

“Mmm, sorry,” he murmured, clearly not sorry at all. His hands found your waist, pulling you in effortlessly as he pressed a soft kiss to your lips. “Missed you.”

Your fingers curled into his hoodie as you smiled. “Missed you too, JiJi. I’m really excited you invited me over.”

He hesitated for a second, then let out a breath, his lips quirking up in a nervous smile. “I just... trust you.” His voice was quieter now, more serious. “I want to share this part of me with you.”

That made your heart do an embarrassing little flip. You bit your lip, trying—and failing—to suppress a grin. You were head over heels for this man.

"Come on," he said, grabbing your bag from the car before lacing his fingers through yours. "Let's go."

Inside the elevator, he swiped a key card, granting access to the penthouse suite. A comfortable silence settled between you as the numbers climbed, Jiyong absentmindedly toying with the ends of one of your long braids.

When the doors finally slid open, he led you down the hall to his front door. He hesitated, scratching the back of his head.

"Uhh… it’s been a while since I’ve had someone… new over,” he admitted.

You squeezed his hand gently. “As long as you want me here, Ji, that’s all that matters.”

“I do!” he said quickly. Then, after a beat, “Zoa and Iye might be a little nervous, though…”

You chuckled. “That’s okay. I promise to be on my best behavior.”

A soft pink dusted his cheeks as he bit his lip. God, he was adorable.

“Okay,” he breathed, then unlocked the door, pulling you inside.

Your eyes widened as you took in your surroundings. You had seen glimpses of his place through Snapchats before, but nothing prepared you for seeing it in person. It was an effortless blend of artistic chaos and meticulous minimalism—every piece carefully curated, every detail intentional. The sleek furniture, the carefully arranged artwork, the shelves lined with vinyls and rare collectibles. It was stunning.

“Damn,” you muttered, turning in slow circles. “You really put my place to shame.”

Jiyong laughed as he placed your bag on the couch. “I like your place,” he said. “It’s homey.”

"Ji, I had no idea you were this clean and organized.” You teased.

"I’m not," he admitted with a smirk. "The cleaners came this morning. Gabriella has been cleaning up my messes for years. Bless her heart.”

You shook your head, grinning as he sauntered toward you, fingers grazing your exposed hip, playing with the waistband of your pajama pants.

“Can I get you a drink?” he murmured, his smirk deepening.

"Please," you teased, matching his energy.

He led you toward the kitchen, rambling about drinks and dinner. But before he could finish his sentence, a soft brush of fur against your leg made you pause.

“Hi, Princess Zoa!” you cooed, crouching down as the elegant gray cat moved gracefully around you, rubbing her face against your outstretched hand.

Jiyong blinked. “No way. She was hiding before you got here…”

You beamed, gently scratching behind her ears. “She’s so sweet! I love her already.”

And just like that, the tension in Jiyong’s shoulders eased. His lips curled into something soft, something real.

Yeah. This was a big step. And it felt right.

Jiyong handed you a drink—a simple vodka soda, but he knew it was your favorite. That small detail alone made your chest tighten in the best way. You took slow sips as you followed him through his home, the quiet intimacy of the moment settling over you like a warm blanket.

He showed you everything. His personal recording studio, where half-finished lyrics and melodies lived. The spare bedrooms, each one somehow still curated with his impeccable taste. The breathtaking view from the balcony, where the city stretched out endlessly beneath you, glittering like a dream. And finally—his bedroom.

This was your favorite.

His presence was everywhere in this space, woven into every little detail. The artwork, a mix of chaotic genius and sentimental treasures. Clothes draped over the back of a chair, half-folded laundry on the bed—tangible proof that he lived here, existed here. His knick-knacks, collected from different parts of his life, told a story only he could tell. It was personal. It was beautiful.

Something on his bedside table caught your eye, drawing you closer. A photo. A small, colorful rock. You picked them up, curiosity humming in your chest.

“What’s this?” you asked, turning the photo over in your hands.

Jiyong chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “That’s, uh… a picture Daesung took of us. From that beach party a few months back.”

The moment flooded back instantly. That warm summer night, the waves crashing in the distance, music thrumming through the air. You and Jiyong, tipsy and tangled in laughter, dancing with the kind of reckless abandon only a new connection could bring. You’d forgotten Daesung had been running around with a camera, documenting the night in blurry snapshots of joy.

A soft smile tugged at your lips as your thumb brushed over the image. That night was when it had really started for you—the way Jiyong had held you close, how he never stopped making you laugh, how gentle he was even in the midst of chaos.

You glanced at the small rock in your other hand. “And this?”

Jiyong grinned, taking it from you, rolling it between his fingers like it was something precious. Because it was, to him. “This, my dear, is the first gift you ever gave me.”

You blinked. “It is?”

“Mmhmm.” His eyes gleamed with amusement. “Remember that time you called me drunk, asking if I could pick you up? You got in my car, all excited because you found a rock that ‘matched my hair.’” He mimicked your voice playfully. “You put it on my dashboard, declared it a masterpiece, and passed out before I even made it to your street.”

Your face heated. “Oh my god.” You covered your face with your hands, groaning. “Jiyong… you kept my drunk gift?”

“Of course.” His voice softened. “I have it in my pocket at every show. It’s my good luck charm.”

Your heart swelled, emotions tangling in your throat as you looked up at him. “You really are the kindest man I’ve ever met, you know that?”

He smiled, that soft, intimate kind of smile that made your stomach flip. “Can’t help it with you…”

His lips met yours, slow and sure, his hands finding your waist and pushing you toward the bed. Your back hit the mattress as his lips traced along your jaw, down the curve of your neck, making warmth pool in your stomach. You tangled your fingers in his hoodie, pulling him closer—

A sharp bap landed right on Jiyong’s head.

“Ow, Zoa!” he yelped, rubbing the spot where his beloved cat had just smacked him.

You burst out laughing, covering your mouth as Zoa hopped onto your lap, settling comfortably. 

“Oh, you think this is funny?” Jiyong shot you a mock glare, eyes twinkling with amusement. He sat up as Zoa curled into a loaf on your stomach, kneading at your shirt like she had claimed you for herself. “Did my cat just cockblock me?”

“Shhh, don’t say those words in front of the baby!” you scolded, scratching behind Zoa’s ears.

Jiyong scoffed. “Wow. Okay. I’ll just fuck off then.” He stood dramatically, shaking his head as he made his way to the kitchen.

You couldn’t stop laughing as you carefully moved Zoa to the side, hopping off the bed to chase after him, the cat trotting behind you.

“Hmmm, later, Oppa,” you hummed, wrapping your arms around him from behind. “Let’s watch our show.”

He sighed dramatically but smiled as he turned in your arms, pressing a kiss to your lips. “Fine.”

The two of you curled up on the couch, a thick blanket draped over your legs as Breaking Bad flickered onto the screen. Jiyong’s hand rested on your thigh under the blanket, absentmindedly tracing patterns against your skin.

Zoa stretched out across your lap, already fast asleep, and moments later, a soft meow announced the arrival of another visitor.

“Iye!” Jiyong grinned, patting his lap. The sleek gray cat hesitated before slowly making her way over, her small paws pressing into his legs as she perched there, still wary of you.

She craned her neck, sniffing at your arm cautiously before pulling back.

“Hi, Iye,” you murmured, keeping your voice gentle. You let her come to you, holding out your hand for her to investigate. She gave a single curious sniff before rubbing her face against your fingers—just once—then retreating back to Jiyong’s lap.

“At least you still love me, huh?” he cooed, scratching under her chin.

Iye kept sneaking glances at you as the show played, inching ever so slightly closer with each passing minute.

Jiyong leaned against your shoulder, exhaling a long drag from his vape as he glanced toward the window. The sun was beginning to dip below the skyline, painting the city in soft gold.

“You hungry, babe? I can start dinner.”

You stretched, sinking deeper into the cushions. “Mmm. What’re we having?”

“Lobster,” he said casually.

Your head snapped toward him. “Lobster?” You scoffed. “Jiyong, how fancy. I should’ve worn a cocktail dress.”

“As much as I’d love that, Jagi,” he mused, standing up, “nothing beats sitting on my couch in pajamas with my gorgeous girlfriend, eating lobster with no judgment. We can be as messy as we want.”

You leaned against the couch, watching him with a warmth spreading through your chest.

“God, I love you…” you murmured, without thinking.

Jiyong froze mid-step, turning sharply to face you, his expression unreadable.

“What did you just say?”

Your eyes widened. “Shit, I mean—” You stammered, face heating. “Ah, fuck.”

“No, no, don’t take it back.” He crossed the room in seconds, dropping onto the couch beside you. His hands cupped your face, his eyes searching yours. “Say it again.”

Your heart pounded. “I said… I love you.”

His lips crashed against yours, deep and urgent, a raw kind of emotion surging between you. When he pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I love you, too.”

You let out a breathy laugh, shy but filled with absolute joy.

Jiyong grinned, standing abruptly. “Okay, I’m gonna go make you the best dinner ever. Because I fucking love you and you fucking deserve it.”

You laughed as he dashed toward the kitchen, grabbing your phone with trembling fingers to text your friends.

Laughter echoed through the kitchen as you and Jiyong moved in perfect sync, playfully bumping into each other while prepping dinner. The rich aroma of butter and garlic filled the air, mingling with the sharp scent of freshly squeezed lemon. His two cats sat perched on the counter, their sharp eyes tracking every movement, their tails flicking lazily as if silently judging your cooking skills.

“Babe, they’re totally waiting for us to drop something,” you giggled, nudging Jiyong as he reached for another ingredient.

“They’re opportunists,” he scoffed, turning to Zoa. “Aren’t you, Princess? You’re not slick.”

The gray cat blinked at him, unimpressed, before returning to watching your every move.

The two of you tossed back shots between chopping, stirring, and sneaking bites of food. Each time the tequila burned your throat, Jiyong was there with a teasing smirk, leaning in to steal a quick, lingering kiss that tasted of citrus and salt. You felt light, the alcohol buzzing in your veins, but it wasn’t just that—it was him. This moment. This feeling of being completely and utterly alive.

“Voila!” Jiyong announced dramatically, placing the finished dish on the counter with a flourish. His grin was downright giddy, like a little kid proud of his creation.

You clapped your hands together, eyes lighting up as you took in the masterpiece before you. “Holy shit, babe. This looks amazing.”

Jiyong preened under your praise, already reaching for a piece of lobster and popping it into his mouth.

“Should we sit at the table?” you asked, glancing toward the neatly set dining area.

“Fuck no,” he said through a mouthful of food. “Couch. Show. Now.”

You giggled, warmth blooming in your chest. You had finally found someone who matched your energy—who understood the joy of ignoring formalities in favor of what truly mattered.

Plates in hand, you both made your way back to the couch, curling up under the softest blanket as Breaking Bad resumed on the screen. Every so often, Jiyong would feed you a bite, and you'd do the same for him, laughing when he dramatically moaned about how good it was. The alcohol settled over you like a warm embrace, your limbs heavy, your mind blissfully light.

At the edge of the couch, Zoa and Iye sat patiently, their eyes fixed on the two of you, hoping for a dropped morsel.

“Sorry, ladies,” you teased, waving a lobster claw in front of them. “This one’s all ours.”

Jiyong chuckled, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer. His body was warm against yours, his scent a mixture of cologne, blueberry vape juice, and something inherently him. You rested your head against his shoulder, feeling completely and utterly at home.

It hit you then—how much you loved him. How he wasn’t just your boyfriend. He was your best friend. The person you could be unapologetically yourself around. No pretense, no walls. Just laughter, love, and this perfect, ordinary, extraordinary moment.

By the time dinner was finished, the two of you had knocked back a few more shots, and your bodies had melted further into the cushions. The warmth of the alcohol, the lull of the TV, and Jiyong’s steady breathing made your eyelids heavy. Even the cats had settled into slumber, Zoa curled up at your feet while Iye stretched out on the back of the couch.

Jiyong shifted beside you, his lips grazing your temple as he whispered, “Can we finish the show in my room?”

You hummed in agreement, unable to form words in your sleepy haze.

With an exaggerated groan, Jiyong forced himself up, stumbling slightly before pulling you to your feet. The two of you giggled as you made your way to the bedroom, tripping over each other’s steps, hands wandering, lips meeting between bursts of laughter.

As soon as you passed the threshold of the bedroom door, it was a tangle of limbs, clothing being shed in lazy, drunken movements, laughter giving way to slow, heated kisses.

Jiyong took his time with you, his hands mapping the curves of your body like he was committing you to memory. Every touch was reverent, every kiss deep and lingering. The world outside ceased to exist—the only thing that mattered was this, the warmth of his skin against yours, the way your bodies fit together like a puzzle that had finally found its missing piece.

There were moments of whispered confessions between soft moans, giggles breaking the tension as you both found yourselves too tipsy to be completely coordinated. But none of it mattered. All that mattered was that he was here, with you, holding you like you were the best thing he had ever known.

Because to him, you are.

Afterward, tangled in the sheets, Jiyong pulled you close, his arms securing you against him as he pressed lazy kisses to your shoulder. You sighed in contentment, nuzzling deeper into his embrace.

“G’night, JiJi,” you murmured sleepily.

He hummed against your skin, his lips still brushing over you. “Night, baby girl.”

Within moments, sleep claimed you both.

-

Jiyong was the first to wake.

A groggy groan left his lips as he scrubbed a hand over his face, his body still heavy with sleep. The golden morning light filtered through the curtains, casting soft shadows over the room.

When he turned over, his breath caught.

You were still fast asleep, your hair spilling across the white sheets, your lips slightly parted as the softest snores escaped.

Nestled under your arm, Zoa was curled into the smallest ball, her tiny frame rising and falling with each peaceful breath.

Jiyong felt his heart clench.

He had never been a morning person, but waking up to this? To you? He could get used to that.

A quiet meow pulled his attention, and he shifted his gaze to Iye, who sat perched on the pillow beside your head. The slender cat stretched lazily, then turned to look at him.

Jiyong raised an eyebrow. “Well?” he whispered, as if Iye would actually respond.

The cat let out a soft chirp, then glanced at you.

And then, in the smallest of gestures, she leaned forward and rubbed her face against your cheek before settling back down.

Jiyong blinked.

That was it. That was the moment.

He grinned, shaking his head in disbelief as he ran a hand through his messy hair. Iye, his most reserved, most particular baby, had just given you her silent approval.

He exhaled a quiet laugh, his gaze drifting back to you.

The love that swelled in his chest was almost too much.

He reached over, brushing a few strands of hair from your face, his fingertips barely grazing your skin.

“God, I love you,” he whispered, more to himself than to you.

And in that moment, with the sun painting you in gold, his cats nestled around you, and his heart feeling fuller than it ever had—Jiyong knew.

He had found his forever.

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[lilywastaken]

⇝ shadow .

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!AFAB!Reader.

PART TWO OF MÉNAGE.

SUMMARY: All Simon wants is to explain his disappearance to you, but he can't really expect you to be willing to listen.

WARNINGS: AFAB!Fem!Reader (no use of Y/N!), Mentions of NSFW, Angst, Pregnancy, mentions of pregnancy complications, Soft!Dad!Simon.

A/N: Second chapter!! Almost exactly a week after the first one LMAO. No smut in this one, I'm afraid, but some very fluffy moments between Simon and Tommy! <333 Once again, please reblog and comment if you enjoy this, it helps a lot!!!

WORD COUNT: 10k.

MASTERLIST.

Also on Ao3!

You were pretty sure your fingers were about to snap.

The grip you had on the door could rival that of a professional arm wrestler, your whole body stiff and frozen in place as your gaze locked onto Simon's.

Was it even Simon? His eyes didn't hold the same warmth it had the last time you'd seen him, his body wasn't as relaxed as it had felt beneath your touch, his whole frame covered in dark clothing that left his eyes as the only source of light that shone through that shadow of a man.

Well, you couldn't even consider them that, his blue orbs lacked that speck of light you'd grown accustomed to seeing in your son's; it left him looking like a ghost, a shell of a man. But maybe that was appropriate, he never did look like the kind of bloke you'd expect to be kind or sweet, he suited more the idea of a cold, ruthless man that had abandoned you and your son.

Even after having spent a night in his arms, felt the touch of his lips on your skin, memorised the feeling of his cock inside of you; he was still a stranger to you, a man you had idolised so much during the first days after your encounter that he had begun to form into someone completely different in your mind.

And now that he was in front of you, you knew. This wasn't the Simon from your dreams that held you in his arms, the Simon from your dreams that pressed kisses to your swollen belly whenever the baby would kick, the Simon from your dreams that hadn't left.

It was like a slap in the face.

One that brought you back to reality, that flushed away any daydream or idealised version you had of him from your mind, and forced you to focus on the man standing in front of you.

"You-"

"Did you keep it?"

As if you'd been sucker punched right in the gut, you felt the air leave your lungs, the words you had intended to speak sitting on the tip of your tongue like the bitter taste of black tea.

"It? Wh-"

"Him. Our son."

Our son.

It was funny, how he'd managed to say the two simple words that immediately made your blood boil in rage, tears forming at the corner of your eyes out of frustration as.

"Oh, so he's our son now?" You willed yourself to keep calm, but you couldn't help how your voice wavered when you spoke, this whole situation baring to be too much to handle along with your already declining mental state. "You didn't seem very interested before."

"I was gone."

"Oh, trust me, I know." You snarled, your harsh tone causing him to look away from you, whether it was in shock or fear, you didn't care. At least you couldn't feel small beneath his stare if he wasn't looking. "How long has it fucking been, Simon? A year. 9 months carrying your child and 3 months raising him. You have no fucking right to come knocking now and asking to see him."

"You don't understa-"

"I don't need to fucking understand, Simon!" You cried out, your voice ringing down the hall and in Ghost's ears, "I was alone! I am alone! I went through a terrifying pregnancy on my own because you couldn't bother to pick up the goddamn phone! Where were you when I needed you!? Where were you when the doctor told me that the birth might leave irreparable damage on my body!? Where were you when I almost lost him!?"

Silence filled the building, dull ringing in Ghost's ears from how loud you'd shouted, his gaze shifting up from the floor to you, his heart skipping a beat at your dishevelled state, your flushed face and tear stained cheeks, the hand that had been resting on the door now clenching your shirt right above your heart, as if the simple act of talking to him pained you to no end.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fucking cut it, Simon. Sorry doesn't make up for this past year, for all the fucking pain I went through while you were, what, ignoring me the whole time!? Waiting until an 'acceptable' time to show up and fucking demand to see him!?"

"I'm not demanding." You flinched as one of his hands came to slam onto the top of the door that separated the both of you, his hand clenching around the wood hard enough to break it, and you knew that if he wanted to, he could. "I'm asking. I'm asking to see him, for you to let me explain why I was gone."

Your lower lip quivered at the way he spoke, so calm and composed compared to you, who'd let your emotions take control of your words and had just

"I don't know what you went through. I don't think I'll ever be able to understand. And.. I'm, I'm sorry, that you were forced to go through it alone," The apology that slipped through his lips sounded almost forced, like it was his first time hearing and speaking the words out of his mouth. "I'm not here just to see him. I'm here because you deserve an explanation on why I wasn't here. And I know it won't take away the pain, but I ho-"

The door slammed shut.

Ghost was left outside of your apartment, hand still testing on the flimsy wood of your door, staring at the point where your eyes had been mere seconds ago.

You'd closed the door on him.

You'd ripped any chances he'd had of seeing his son and explaining himself to you in half.

He'd gone through his speech for hours in the car, making sure that he wouldn't come off as rude or mean to you, that everything was explained slowly and coherently, but you'd just… Closed the door on him.

It was a funny sight, really. A giant of a man standing in the corridor of a beat down building in the middle of Manchester, outwardly looking like a kicked puppy if it weren't for the fire that was burning inside of him, bubbling beneath his skin as he got the urge to rip the whole fucking door off just so would fucking listen to-

The door opened again, properly, this time. No little gap where he could barely see your full body, where you were able to hide from him in fear that he'd do something disastrous like he'd just been thinking of.

You were letting him in.

That much was obvious, by the way your shaking frame was glued to the wall of the small corridor, allowing him space to cross through into the apartment he'd spent the night in a year ago.

No words had to be spoken, the reluctant look on your face telling him more than enough.

The few steps he took to enter your apartment felt like crossing a border to another world, one that he couldn't recognise as much as he tried to think back to the last time he'd been there.

Everything had changed. The wallpaper with the flowers that reminded him of his grandma's old home had been striped, replaced with a more cool paint over; the dingy sofa where he'd ripped your tights open was replaced with a much more softer and plush looking model, one that could no doubt be pulled into a bed; the bookshelf he'd gotten the sticky notes from had been ridden of many of the books that had littered it, replaced with children's books and a few pictures, baby toys strewn across the floor in front of it.

It felt like a whole different place than what he remembered. He didn't know what he had expected, for you to have a child and for nothing to change? He was aware of the chaos that a child brought, remembering how annoyed he himself had been as everything started to change around him when his brother had been born, the need it brought to rearrange the whole house to accommodate the baby and not have any dangerous items lying around.

Ghost made a mental note to himself as he picked up one of the picture frames from next to the small telly to clean up his own house before bringing his son there (if he was even allowed to), recalling the dust and grime that covered the corners of his rooms, the glass shards from the last time he'd drunk and passed out on the sofa littering his floors.

You pushed the door closed behind you both, shaky hands pressing onto the cool wood in an attempt to ground yourself, trying not to focus on the silent yet imposing footsteps of your son's father.

You don't know what possessed you to open the door, to let him into your space, that he'd now taken over like a shadow. He looked so… out of place.

A demon along the angels, a ghost along the living.

His dark clothes contrasted heavily with the bright colours of your son's toys that laid strewn across the floor, with the soft colours your walls were painted in, with the colourful blankets that you'd tried spicing up the sofa with, despite no one being able to appreciate them other than you.

It didn't feel right.

It didn't feel right to have him here, walking around your home like he belonged there, like he'd been there all along. It was wrong.

You felt like you couldn't breathe, like your throat was closing off and preventing any air from reaching your lungs properly. Your nails dug into your own palms as you clenched your hands closed, trying your best to even out your breathing and focus on anything but the impending conversation you'd have to have with him.

You could hear him say something, but your brain was so caught up with trying to stop yourself from spiralling that it didn't even comprehend what he was saying. The balaclava over his face was moving, indicating that he was speaking, but not a single sound was reaching your ears.

Your body was trembling at this point, mouth gasping for air as your throat continued to constrict, your eyes going blurry with tears as you watched him come closer to you, mouth still moving.

"Breathe." Two hard hands grabbed onto your shoulders, shaking you out of your stupor bordering on what you could easily identify as a panic attack, ones that you'd been prone to ever since you gave birth. "Look at me. Breathe."

Simon immediately knew what was happening without even having to look at you.

The laboured breaths that were leaving you were enough to activate the alarms in his head, recognising them immediately. He'd heard them many times before coming from him, his teammates, the people whose heads were pressed against his gun. You were spiralling, falling into the harming grasp of your anxiety and letting it infect your body.

When he got a panic attack, Simon rode through it. The therapist that Price had assigned him a few years ago had advised him to consider doing breathing exercises whenever he showed signs of having one, but during the year he'd seen her and the years to come, not once had he considered doing them. Sometimes, he felt like he deserved to feel like that, like he was suffocating, like his heart was about to be ripped out; for all the pain and suffering he'd inflicted on others, he deserved to feel at least a sliver of it.

But the thought of letting you experience that same pain, the same panic, the same hopelessness he felt whenever he'd cave into his depression, it wasn't a good one.

So despite his initial lack of remembrance of the exercises his therapist had offered, he tried his best to talk you through it, hands grasping at your shoulders and squeezing every time he saw you start to slip away back into that pit of anxiety, keeping his eyes on yours through the whole thing, not letting you go until you'd stopped shaking and your breath had become even once again.

You'd been so focused on the anxiety coursing through your veins that you hadn't even realised who was helping you through it, blindlessly following orders and breathing along with him, your brain subconsciously recognising his voice as something to cling onto, to pull you out of your own plunging thoughts.

But as soon as you realised whose eyes you were gazing into, whose hands were holding you down, you panicked again. Your own hands came up to push him away, the action catching him off guard and making him take a few small steps back from you, eyes still fixed on yours.

"Are y-"

"Shut up." You breathed out, interrupting him for what seemed like the 100th time that night, mimicking him and taking a few steps away from him and wrapping your arms over your upper body. "Sit."

Ghost finally tore his stare away from you to look down at the sofa, hesitantly taking the first steps forward like a cat meeting its owner for the first time before finally taking a seat on the sofa, sinking into the plush pillows thanks to his weight and looking around from the new perspective.

"Do you normally have panic attacks?" He spoke up, thankful that you didn't interrupt him this time, voicing his concern.

You bit the inside of your cheek, looking down at your fuzzy socks as you thought back to all the times you'd had to go through them on your own sitting at the doctor's office, lying in bed after putting Tommy to sleep, looking at yourself in the mirror after your labour…

Your doctor had warned you about the rollercoaster of emotions your body would go through after giving birth, including the depression many women suffered that unfortunately had affected you too during the first few weeks; but you hadn't expected it to continue until this late.

"...sometimes." You mumbled, hands running up and down your arms as you squirmed beneath his glare. "It's normal. For a lot of women."

He didn't answer, nodding in response instead before turning his head to the side table, where a small picture of a very tiny Tommy sat, his hand itching towards it to take it in properly.

The silence that followed what you could barely call a conversation was unbearable. The tension that hung in the room was thick enough to cut with a knife, the silence almost suffocating you as you tried to muster up the courage to speak up if he wasn't going to, despite him having almost broken down your door in order to talk.

"...so? Are you going to explain?"

Simon stayed quiet, the whole speech he'd rehearsed back in his car suddenly fizzing away from his mind like a shooting star in the night sky. He was left with barely an outline of what he wanted to say, a vague idea of everything he'd tried his best to put into words before seeing you.

But actually having you in front of him, sitting on the same sofa he'd once pressed you against, gazing into the eyes he'd once thought so much about before the start of that god awful mission, made every last thread of sanity that remained in him snapped.

He was sure that without the mask he'd look like a fool, mouth slightly open and half lidded slate blue eyes fluttering with every blink, transfixed by the vision that was you, in front of him.

"Look, if you're not even going to fucking talk, you can just go right back out the fu-"

"I can't tell you exactly what happened." You stopped mid-rant, cheeks burning in embarrassment after being the one who was interrupted this time. "My job doesn't allow it."

His job? Was he really blaming everything on his job? What kind of goddamn profession forced you to go radio silent for a whole year?

"What do you work in?"

"..." Simon regarded you with a poignant sheen in his eyes, clearly at odds with deciding what to say, the truth or what he had been taught to recite in a situation like this. "I protect."

Even if he didn't outright say what his vocation was, you could do more than assume.

Protection could mean many things, like working at one of those security alarm companies to working as a bodyguard for some fancy rich guy, but with one look at the man sitting in front of you, you could tell.

And it was terrifying.

You'd assumed he was some type of bodybuilder when you'd first saw him, but as you recalled his tactical steps as he walked you down the street, the way his hand flew to his belt when you'd pass some creepy looking guy, as if he was expecting something to be hanging from there, it all started to click.

You had two options before you. He was either a fucking mercenary or military. And although both options were terrifying on their own, you hoped to whatever god that was looking down on you that it was the latter. You wouldn't know what you'd do with yourself if the father of your sweet baby boy was some type of criminal.

"You protect?" You let out, careful with your words in case you said something that you shouldn't, terrified with the prospect of him getting annoyed or angry now that you had an idea of what he did for a living.

"I protect." He parroted, lifting his hand to shove it into one of the pockets that adorned his jacket, pulling out a slim laminated piece of paper, what you could only assume was some sort of identification. "Here."

You took it hesitantly, flipping it over to scan your eyes over the confusing words that lettered the ID, mostly all words you'd never heard before in your life, but you were smart enough to grasp the concept of it.

"You work in the army?" You question, finger running over his title, repeating his newly discovered last name in your head, cursing at yourself for even thinking of how normal it would sound led by your son's name.

"SAS. Lieutenant. Can't say more than that." His gloved hand came back up to hopefully grab his ID back, but you dodged him, taking a few steps back and flipping it back over so he could see what you were pointing at.

"There's no picture." You finally referred to the black space that filled what was supposed to be a headshot of whichever soldier's ID it was. "How… how do I know this is real?"

You watched the mask move as he furrowed his eyebrows, the hand that had fallen onto his knee now gripped at the cargo pants, his eyes showing the disbelief that shot through his body.

"Y'think I made a fuckin' fake ID?" He grunted out, lifting himself from his spot on the sofa and glowering down at you, who did your best to not stand down almost immediately out of fear of his massive frame. "I don't carry 'round a picture of my face, defeats the whole purpose of my fuckin' mask."

You bit the inside of your cheek as you tried coming up with some type of rebuttal that would shut him right up, but you ended up once again asking another desperate question.

"That doesn't explain why you were gone."

Silence.

The crickets that sang from downstairs, the sound of the creaking from upstairs with every step one of your neighbours took, the suddenly suffocating feeling of your tiny apartment, everything seemed to increase ten fold with every second that passed.

"I can't tell you much." He leaned his head back, twisting his neck to a side to reveal some of the hair that had grown down to below his chin after a year of not properly shaving, making you look away from what almost seemed like an invasion of privacy.

"Oh, fuck you." You let out an amused scoff, unbelieving that still after everything that had happened in the short amount of time he'd been back, he still refused to say anything. "Go to hell, Simon."

"I was on a fuckin' mission. A long one. I wasn't allowed any devices, like always, so I couldn't get back to you." He looked back at you with a glare that easily rivalled yours, voice rising in volume with each word he spoke, clearly pissed off at how you were acting with him despite having tried to explain himself, but deep down he knew that it was expected from you after what you'd gone through, yet he still couldn't help but feel disappointed deep down.

"Don't raise your fucking voice at me, I'm not the one who's at blame here, Simon!" You shoved a finger into his stiff chest, doing barely as much 'damage' as you pretended to, but you did your best to get your point across.

"I'm not raising my vo-"

A high pitched cry cut through both of your raising voices, Simon's hand immediately going to his belt out of instinct while you whipped your head in the direction of Tommy's room, wincing in both fatigue and shame for having forgotten about your poor, sensitive to noises baby boy.

You put a finger up before Simon could even get the idea of heading there first, an authoritative glare on your face as you grew 10 times braver now that it came to your son's mood and well-being.

"Stay." You hissed, almost like you were reprimanding a mutt instead of a grown man. "Don't fucking follow me."

Once you were sure you'd gotten the message across, you pulled yourself away from his gaze and quickly entered your son's nursery, cooing and shushing at him as you neared his crib.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, duck, I'm sorry." You whispered, carefully picking up his fidgeting body in your arms and pressing him to your chest, rocking him as gently as you could in your told. "Mommy's sorry, she didn't mean to scare you."

His crying didn't cease, only getting louder as you desperately tried to get him to quiet down, terrified of the racket he was no doubt making for the next door neighbours, who'd probably come by tomorrow with some not very nice words.

Your hands were shaking as he still didn't calm down, a shiver running up your spine while goosebumps racked your body as you saw the light that came from the living room be blocked by a large mass of what you could only assume was Simon.

"I told you not to follow." You kept your voice small as he took slow steps towards you, not wanting to agitate Tommy even more than he already was, knowing how enervated you'd be in the morning if that was the case.

"I want to see him."

You bit down on your tongue before you shot out a snappy response, realising that this was not the time nor the place for snarky comments, as much as you wanted Simon to finally get a hint and leave you both alone.

"You haven't even told me his name."

Screwing your eyes closed, you pressed Tommy to your chest a bit tighter, both to calm the two of you down and in an attempt of caging him away from the shadow of a man towering behind you.

"You never asked for it." You felt him stop behind you as you spoke, his eyes staring holes into the back of your head, as if that would finally get you to move so he could see his son.

He stayed silent once again, looking over every single detail in the nursery, from the row of knitted stuffed animals to the plastic fluorescent stars stuck to the ceiling above the crib, eyes trailing over the bookcase that looked a bit too unstable for his liking, the screws too loose to be holding up all that weight properly.

"Did you build these yourself?" Simon watched you turn your head over your shoulder to see what he was referring to, glowering at him crossly as you looked over the furniture.

"Didn't have anyone else to do it, did I?" You snapped, going back to the crying baby in your arms as he continued to look around, gloved fingers running over some of the spines of the books that laid on the shelves, recognising some of them from his own childhood bookshelf.

"You still don't believe me, d'you?"

A beat.

The finalising sound of his footsteps exiting the room made a weight you hadn't realised was pressing on your chest dissipate out of relief, only to come back heavier than ever as he pushed the duffle bag he'd been carrying towards you with his foot.

You looked down at the spilling contents tentatively, almost worried that there was some type of danger in there that would force you to take cover or cower in a corner, but all you found were military pants and clothes, a gun hidden in its holster, and in the hand that slowly appeared in the corner of your vision, dog tags.

"Look." He brought them up closer to your face so you'd be able to see even in the dim lighting that came from the fluorescent stars stuck on the ceiling and the small nightlight, the name engraved in it identical to the one you'd found on the ID. And although most IDs were pretty easy to fake, you were pretty sure dog tags like these weren't. They had the SAS' inscription on them along with a few codes and numbers you were too ignorant about the army to understand; but for all you knew, they could be as fake as the ones some men wore as fashion.

Maybe that still wouldn't have been enough, if it weren't for the gun. England was very strict with gun laws, and the only people you'd ever seen handle one were the police and the military. So he'd either gotten one very illegally or was truly who he said he was.

And as much as you wanted it to all be fake, for him to be the random bloke you'd had sex with that had no connections to anything dangerous, you knew it wasn't. It was blatantly obvious now that he'd laid down everything in front of you like a puzzle, he was telling the truth.

And god, how much you hated it. You hated that the so-called excuse he'd used before was close to being set in stone by now, that everything was falling into place.

"They're real. I promise."

His promises meant nothing to you, and he knew that, but he had to try anything he could for you to finally believe him, to pull down the walls you'd built and let him in.

"..." You looked away from him and his outstretched hand, pulling your still weeping baby closer to you as you debated on what to do, mind torn between two headspaces.

A shaky sight left your lips as he finally started to tone down, his small pudgy hands grabbing at your sweater in an attempt to ground himself, to find a smell and feel he knew brought safety.

"...his name's Tommy."

You felt him freeze behind you, the aura around him growing cold almost immediately, like you'd just blatantly insulted him without any remorse.

"Tommy." He echoed, voice scratchy as if he was dying of thirst, body suddenly feeling like it had been dunked under tiding waves. "Why?"

"Why?" It was your turn to repeat what he'd said, turning around fully and allowing him the first proper look at his infant son.

Any feeling of displeasure or uncomfort left Simon's body as his eyes landed on the small boy whose teary eyes were trained on his mother's, soft hands clinging onto her like all hell would break loose if he weren't, pudgy body wrapped up in soft blanket decorated with a tiny duck print, the animal something he'd heard you refer to him as before.

God, he wasn't even listening anymore, too enamoured with the small being that lied in your arms, his hands itching towards him in hopes of taking him in his own.

His stomach sank as you stepped back in tandem with him, shielding Tommy from him like he was a monster.

"I, uhm…" you looked up at him through glassy eyes, clearly having been taken aback by his sudden advance towards you both, ending with you pressed against the wooden crib's side. "I didn't really think about it. It just… felt right. It sounded nice. There isn't really any… meaning behind it, as far as I know."

And that was true, as far as you knew, Tommy was just one of the names you'd underlined in one of the many baby name books your mother had brought over with her. But for Simon, it was oh so much more than that. It brought back memories that he hadn't thought about in a very long time, including those rough times he'd spent cooped up in that godforsaken house trying his best to take care of the only family he had left.

And although he hadn't heard from his brother in a long while, he couldn't help but feel slightly hollow at the simple thought of him, who now unknowingly shared his name with his new nephew.

"...right." Despite everything that was whirling around in his brain, every single memory and doubt he wished he could share without destroying himself inside out, that single word of confirmation was the only thing he could get out.

Tommy let out a whine, small hand tugging at your shirt as he instantly pulled your attention back to him, small body fidgeting in your hold in a way that would make you drop him if you weren't used to his urge to not stay still.

"Yeah, I get it, duck." You said, balancing him carefully in the crook of one of your arms before picking up the half-empty bottle you'd placed next to the crib, knowing he'd wake up within the little time the milk could sit out and demand to be fed with his startling cries. "It's here, don't worry. You're not going to starve."

Simon watched from the shadows as your son immediately latched on to the bottle, acting like he'd been starved for over a week, when his last feeding session had been barely an hour ago.

"He's very greedy." You mumbled, mostly to yourself, but looked up at Simon as he let out a humoured exhale.

"Most babies are." He said, remembering how needy his own little brother was when it came to feeding, whining and screaming until everyone in the house had woken up.

Silence fell upon the room, the only conceivable sound in the house being the sound of Tommy drinking and the soft jingle of the crib mobile whenever a soft gust of wind came through the parted window.

For the first time in the hour Simon had been back in your life, you felt calm. Your heartbeat had come down to a normal rate, your body had stopped jolting and shaking every now and then, and there was a small smile tugging at your lips as you watched your son cling to the bottle in your hands.

Even Simon's presence had stopped putting you on edge, since now he was just silently gazing down at his son, who's eyes were fixed back on his father's, almost like they were both having a staring contest, and it was unclear who was about to win.

Tommy normally bursted into tears when he was near a stranger, too many new scents and sounds around him since he was used to the calmer and soother environment that was his nursery, so apart from the short strolls you'd take down the streets, he barely went out with you, and when he did, he didn't get to met many new people. You remember how embarrassed you'd been when one of your neighbours had come by to help with fixing a light and Tommy had started bawling at the mere sight of the unfamiliar man standing in the doorway.

So it was a bittersweet surprise when you realised he must've taken an instinctual liking to his father, despite not properly having the brain capacity to regard him as such, and although you'd have plenty of time to go over that later, for now, you were relieved that he hadn't turned to wailing as loud as he could and bursting all three of your eardrums (although if Simon did work in what he said he did, you were sure he'd be used to loud noises by now).

"How d'you pay for all this?"

"What?" You said, the calm expression that had graced your face quickly forming back into the pissed one he'd gotten so used to seeing in the past hour, the innocent yet aggravating question instantly spoiling your mood. "What do you fu- what do you mean?"

"The furniture, the clothes, the nappies." He nodded towards every single thing he listed, only adding onto your annoyance even more. "Where d'you work?"

You snapped your head down to Tommy in order to avoid his damaging questions, meeting the cute scene of your son fast asleep, probably having passed out after such a long staring contest with his dad and finally having a full belly. You ignored the weight of your impending answer as you placed him down carefully back into his crib, letting his chubby cling onto your fingers for a bit before slowly wrenching his grip off, turning back around to his father.

"I don't work. Not anymore." You kept your voice hushed, picking up the empty baby bottle along with a bag of dirty nappies, standing next to the doorway until he got the memo to walk out before you. "Got fired from the bar cause I was too distracted and I messed a lot of things up…. Had to use my savings to pay for everything during my pregnancy."

He watched you walk around the kitchen and put everything away like it was routine, like it was some sort of art that you'd perfected, while thinking over the information he'd just received from you.

He felt horrible. The mere thought of you, pregnant and alone with no job able to support you, working on the crib and nursery on your own was enough to tear his cold heart in two. And he didn't even want to think about how much money you had left, which by the sight of the very expensive-looking cot and all the toys that laid strewn across the bedroom floor, wasn't much.

He crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back onto one of the walls and thought about the next words that were going to leave his mouth, the next words that would either end up with you both growing closer together or you continuing to push him away.

"Let me help you."

You stopped dead in your tracks while rearranging one of the cupboards, turning around with a look of disbelief painted on your face, beyond bewildered at what he was even starting to proffer.

"Help me?"

Simon had more money than he knew what to do with. Albeit, a small part of it was sent to his brother and his family at the end of every few months, he was still left with a huge amount of money he didn't really know what to spend it on apart from on the bottles of alcohol that littered the floor of his apartment.

But now that he'd learned about his own family, seen the state your flat was in despite you trying to save face by decorating it as much as you could, about as much information as you had given out about your financial situation, he finally knew what to do with all that money that was left over.

"Help you. Financially. Tommy's my son too." Simon raised a gloved hand up as he watched your mouth open, immediately shutting you up like a teacher would a student. "As much as you want to deny it, s'true. And I'm going to help you." His finger landed on the small island counter, accentuating his point with every word he spoke. "Whether you like it or not."

Now, you'd be bellow stupid to even refuse an offer like this (even though he'd made it quite clear it wasn't an offer, more like an insistence), especially since your bank account was quickly reaching negative numbers with every day that passed, not a lot of jobs being open to a new mother who'd either have to take her baby everywhere or leave between shifts to take care of him (and a nanny was of course out of the question, with what money would you pay them?); and pushing aside your still initial distrust towards him, you couldn't say no to him. Both, because he wouldn't let you and because you needed the help, as much as you didn't want to admit it.

Very deep down, you wanted to say no, to push him out of the flat like you should've done when he had first taken a step inside, that he'd had his chance with both Tommy and you and that his bloody stupid excuses weren't going to work… but god, would you have been a moron to even consider letting those words leave your mouth.

You closed the cabinet shut, turning around to face him properly despite the absolute nerves that were coursing through your body, looking out the window across from you instead of at the imposing figure of the man standing before you.

"Simon, I… Look, just…." You tried changing subject, grasping at straws in order to keep yourself from falling to your knees and thanking him for helping you, to break down again like you'd done within the first quarter hour of seeing him again. "...thank you."

He didn't reply, only nodding in response as he turned away from you, letting you stare at his back as he cocked his head to a side to subtly look into Tommy's room, your small baby boy still fast asleep with his clingy hands holding onto one of the many toys you'd placed in there for him to stay entertained with.

"It's, uhm… it's getting quite late." You pointed out as you looked back out the window, rain pattering against your window as another one of England's classic showers hit your city, your arms wrapping around your torso and running your hands up and down the exposed skin. "How about we just… call it a day and talk about it tomorrow?"

Simon grunted, shrugging his shoulders like he really didn't care, but before you had chance to comment on it, he spoke over his shoulder, his head tilted in a way that the shadows curved around the balaclava covering up his face, his blue eyes slightly brighter than when he'd first shown up.

"I've got some stuff to attend to tomorrow." He muttered, nodding towards the duffle bag that he'd brought out with him when you'd both left the nursery, indicating that he wasn't fully finished with work. "It'll be a while 'till I'm able to just sit down with you."

God, you hated how much fear that single sentence struck in you. Like almost the thought of him leaving for more than a day after finally showing up and explaining everything to you was enough to raise up the anxiety that wrapped around your chest and travelled across every single nerve in your system.

So fucking pathetic. You thought to yourself before looking over at the sofa, the new one you'd bough and arranged yourself a few months into your pregnancy, when you were barely showing and could still handle physical work like that; remembering how much the salesman had insisted on that the pullout was the best option for when you had guests over, it was moderately comfy and big enough to fit up to two people.

And Simon kind of… He kind of counted for two people, right? With that bloody stature of his and his darned accentuated muscles you'd been so in awe of that fateful night.

"You can just take the sofa for tonight. Then we can talk in the morning before you leave." Your mouth acted faster than your brain did, but this time, you didn't really feel embarrassed or disappointed in yourself, I mean, it was the logical solution to this sort of problem. He'd made it quite clear that he wanted to be in his son's life, so if that was true, you'd have to get used to him being around you, invading the safe space you'd worked so hard to create for you and your son, as much as it tore your body and mind apart thanks to your mixed feelings about him.

"You sure?" He pushed himself off the doorframe which he'd been leaning on, getting back to his full height so he could tower over you, glancing at the tiny sofa. "You think I'll fit?"

"It pulls out." Unlike you. "You'll fit."

Once again, it seemed that he couldn't even get the words out to thank you, nodding in response before turning back to look at his sleeping son in the nursery's background. You pushed past him to get to the cupboard that sat in the corner, rummaging through it for some relatively clean and warm blankets, keeping an ear out just in case decided to walk a bit too close to Tommy, still a bit on edge when it came to him spending time around your son.

"D'you have a balcony I can use?" He cut through the silence, dangling a packet of cigarettes in front of your face to make his advances clear.

Although you weren't a chronic smoker yourself, you had indulged in a cig once in a while, and you knew that it sometimes did help soothe your anxiety or stress, and by the looks of how Simon was fidgeting in his spot and his fingers were clearly itching towards the lighter in his pocket, it was quite clear he was in need of one.

"I don't. Use the window furthest from Tommy's room." You pointed out of the room towards the window you'd been staring out of before. You watched him stroll out, opening up the window and letting in a gust of cold wind in the process, making you speed up your work so you could close the door faster and Tommy wouldn't get a chill.

"You can't smoke around Tommy, you know that, right? If you're really going to be in his life, I'm going to need you to quit while you're here." You commented as you placed down the blankets onto an armchair before moving onto the sofa bed itself, removing some of the cushions before resuming.

"'lright." He muttered between a few inhales of the smoke, his voice much clearer now that he'd pulled his mask up to his nose, letting you gaze upon the beard that had grown over his lower face, something that hadn't been there before. But you assumed that a year-long mission wouldn't really allow you to take time to shave. "Jus' really needed this."

"I get it." You grunted as you grabbed onto the flimsy handle at the bottom and pulled out the second part of the sofa's mattress, almost landing on your behind if it weren't for one of Simon's hands on the small of your back, helping you regain your balance before he went back to taking puffs of his cigarette next to the window.

Soon enough, Simon's cigarette burnt down to a stub, flicking it out the window and down onto the concrete below, turning back around to where you were finishing up what would be his bed tonight, tucking in some of the ends of the sheets and stuffing pillows into covers.

"Here." He spoke, his voice back to being muffled as he pulled the mask back down, taking the pillow from your hands and pushing it into the cover without any effort.

"Pillows might be a bit stiff. These are really old." You didn't even bother thanking him, taking the pillows and fluffing them up to the best of your ability, before propping them up on the armrest. "Do you want to, uhm." You gestured towards the black smudged paint around his eyes. "Clean up?"

"It's fine. I've slept worse."

He started to pull off his jacket, his shirt going with it for a moment and exposing his midriff and happy trail, immediately snapping your head away from the sight.

That's how Simon ended lying on the pretty well made sofa, shoes and jacket discarded next to him with a thin blanket draped over his tired body, balaclava still resting over his face despite being plunged in the darkness that was broken whenever a car passed by outside or by the soft glow of his son's fluorescent stars that decorated his ceiling.

Simon was aware of how long he'd gone without having a good night's sleep, that he should at least try to catch a few minutes of sleep at best, but he couldn't find the energy to even close his eyes. He knew that after such a long and exciting mission his body had to come down from it slowly, taking a few days of getting used to the sudden serenity that enveloped him before he could fully relax and find some sleep.

And so he lied there, staring up at the cracks in the ceiling and listening to the snores that came from his son's room and the shuffling and incoherent murmurs that came from yours, the constant affirmation that you both were fine enough of a substitute for the sleep he was missing.

And he was… content like that, for a while. Listening to the both of you sleep and tapping his fingers against his chest in an attempt to ground himself and to shove away any unwanted thoughts that would forcibly make their way into his already broken mind.

Until one of the cars outside backfired, a sound Simon had gotten used to after driving all those barely working cars they'd find in the way during missions, producing a sound that echoed throughout the living room, making Simon instinctively flinch, his fingers gripping down on the blanket hard enough to rip it, not having expected to hear a sound so akin to a bomb or a grenade while he was lying down calmly near his newfound family.

Fuck, he was pathetic. It was horrible how such an innocent sound made his instincts go haywire, his skin prickle with goosebumps and his heart skip a beat.

But clearly, as Tommy's cries rang out through the flat, he hadn't been the only one to be disturbed.

"Fuck." The blanket pooled down onto the floor next to his discarded clothes, pushing himself off the sofa and passing by your bedroom, where you were still presumably sleeping, your body wriggling beneath the covers as your brain attempted to keep you asleep.

You'd mentioned that Tommy had gone down easily this time, so it was relatively early for yourself to go to bed, and he'd heard you mutter to yourself as you climbed into bed that you were going to enjoy your rest, so staying on the sofa and waiting for you to wake up, was not going to happen, especially after all the trouble he'd gone through with convincing you to let him in Tommy's life.

This was part of being a father, a parent, waking up at ungodly hours of the night to take care of your fussing baby.

He carefully made his way towards Tommy's crib, removing his gloves in order to not scare him with an unknown touch, although he doubted that his calloused fingers would be any better substitute.

"S'alright." He murmured, a finger softly prodding at his chubby belly in order to catch his attention, the boy's wails only getting louder as he caught sight of his father's skulled balaclava. "Oh, fu- Look, hey, look at me."

Without any hesitation, Simon ripped off his mask, his hair getting messed up in the process but he couldn't care less, only focused on getting his son to recognise him as a human man and not the goddamn grim reaper who'd come for him.

Tommy sniffled as he toned down the fussing, blue eyes darting all over his father's face as if committing it to memory, chubby fingers leaning down to grab at the one Simon had woken him up with, and much like he did with any other thing he found lying around, shoved it right in his mouth, drooling around it.

A breathless chuckle escaped Simon's mouth as he watched him roll and fuss around his finger, resting his other arm on the crib and lying his head against it, transfixed with the sight of his small son.

A few tears were still running down his chubby cheeks, but he seemed to have calmed down now, Simon's finger acting like some sort of replacement for the pacifier that laid abandoned next to him.

"C'mon. Stop cryin'." He grumbled, pulling his finger out of his grasp and placing his large hands beneath Tommy's small body, carefully picking him up (making sure to support his little head like he'd seen you do) and propping him up in the crook of his arm, letting him squirm around for a bit until he found the perfect position. "You're a wriggly one aren't you?"

As expected, he didn't get any response apart from the thousand yard stare his son looked up at him with, similar to the one he occasionally gave Johnny to watch him freak out. Now that he did look at him closely, he could pinpoint how many features he'd inherited from his father's side, his shaggy hair, his blue eyes, his slightly crooked nose, even the chubby rolls and fingers he remembered seeing in his little brother.

"That's a boy." Tommy's eyes started to droop with every second he spent lying in his father's arms, his tears drying out and coos leaving his mouth instead of the agonising cries. "Feelin' better?"

He blindly walked over to the small chair he'd spotted in the corner of the room when he'd first walked in, grunting like his grandfather did as he sat down, careful to not squish or drop Tommy in the process, his hands tightening around him as the chair slightly reclined, the chair's feature catching him off guard and instantly activating the instinct to protect the small human in his arms that depended on him.

But Tommy didn't even flinch, giggling at the warmth that enveloped him and snuggling further into the blanket and his father's arms in the process, eyes still fixed on the dark paint that adorned his father's.

Finally, after their second staring match of the night, Tommy's eyelids finally closed, losing the battle and falling prey to sleep, something Simon silently wished he could too. Resting him in one arm, he pulled his balaclava back down, feeling a bit too exposed now that the need to have it off had ceased. He leaned his head back on the rest and stared up at the dim glowing stars, focusing on the steady breaths that racked his son's tiny body and the faint feeling of his heartbeat against his arm.

He could… he could really get used to this.

Having such a small thing in his arms, something he was responsible for, something he was supposed to love and care for, a purpose to continue the dangerous life he'd thrusted himself in. He was a father now. And although he knew barely nothing about being one, he'd learn. He hoped it wasn't a one time thing and that Tommy had truly taken a liking to him, that he was going to be able to take at least a bit off the load that you carried by helping in whatever way he could, whether it was bonding with his on or simply financially if that's all you wished of him.

He was a bit too lost in his thoughts as he reclined further in the plush chair, pressing Tommy to his chest so he was half lying on him, half still resting in his arms, a pretty comfortable position for the both of them.

"-mon."

"Simon!"

The blond was jolted awake by a pair of hands shaking him, his immediate instinct being to search around for the baby he remembered falling asleep with, blurry vision darting around to find him cooing and gurgling in your arms, hands latched onto your sleep shirt.

He turned to look out the window while cracking his neck, disoriented and confused about what time it was, the subtle sun rays that shone through the clouds and into the nursery telling him enough.

Had he fallen asleep? Like, actually slept for over an hour without waking up or any disturbances?

"'m sorry." His voice was deeper after a good night's rest, you noted as he rubbed his eyes with the bottom of his palm in an attempt to clear the blurriness, choosing to ignore the click of your tongue against the roof of your mouth. "Time?"

"'bout eight." You said, bouncing Tommy in your arms as you nodded towards the clock that hung up above him, eyes darting back down to see him hunched over, hands beneath his balaclava rubbing away the sleep in his eyes and no doubt spreading the face paint everywhere. "Tommy needs to have breakfast so I just assumed you'd want to be woken up as well. But, you're, uhm, welcome to sleep longer, I guess."

"No, I'm fine. I have to get up." Within a second, he was at his feet, Tommy staring up at him in awe as if he were gazing upon a giant, one of his chubby hands leaving your shirt to try and grab onto his, but Simon had left before he could even make first contact.

"You stayed here to talk, remember?" You said snappily at him as you followed, watching him pick up all his stuff. "We should talk."

His shoulders deflated mid tying his boot, a solemn nod in response like even talking to you was a chore, and after the night you'd had the day before, any little irritating thing like that was going to be enough to set you off.

"I want to be a part of Tommy's life. I've made that clear."

"I know. And that's… fine. But we're going to need boundaries."

He sighed, turning around with his other boot dangling from his hand, leaning his side on the wall opposite what had been supposed to be his bed for the night (the horror you'd felt when you saw him gone and your son's door open was unmeasurable), and nodding once again, eyes looking down at you expectantly.

Oh. Right. You were the one speaking.

"Well, for starters… if you really can't tell me more about your job than you already have, I want you to at least keep me updated whenever you leave for work. I.. I don't want any more surprises."

I don't want to feel the way I felt during that year again.

"Alright."

You nodded, pulling Tommy closer as he became enamoured with the necklace that dangled from your neck, trying his mighty best to pull the charm in his mouth as you talked. "And, if you stay over, you take the couch. And not taking Tommy out without me. Until… further notice." You feared you were being a bit too strict with him, but simply reminding yourself that this was in fact, basically a stranger who just happened to father your child, and you'd have to take preventive measures until you were sure that you could leave Tommy alone with him.

Simon ignored the slight pain that stabbed at his heart when you said that, but… it was understandable. You'd been with Tommy longer than him, hell, you'd carried him for a whole 9 months, you had a stronger bond with your son than he had. For both of your safety and his, he'd go along with anything you'd say.

After agreeing with a simple nod and finishing tying up his shoes, he walked up to you both, fingers brushing against your clavicle as he pulled your necklace out of Tommy's mouth, blue eyes fixated on yours. "Send me your bank details later. I'll deposit some money for you both. As much as you need."

He hesitated a few moments before pulling his fingers away, instead running them down Tommy's nose bridge before pulling away, pulling a giggle out of him.

"O-okay."

He nodded, leaning down to zip up his duffle bag before strapping it over his shoulder, jacket in his other arm since it was relatively warm outside for a morning in Manchester. "Text me if y'need anything. I'll answer this time… I promise."

You winced, the subject of his disappearance still a touchy matter despite everything you'd both discussed the night before, but by the way he hesitated before speaking, the way he was awkwardly standing in the main corridor, he was either very obviously lying or telling the truth.

You hoped it was the latter.

"...okay. Goodbye, Simon."

The moment the door opened, the doorbell rang out, making you and Tommy flinch at the loud sound and Simon grumble at being the main victim of the ringer.

Your neighbour was standing there, finger on the bell, furrowed eyebrows glaring up at the intimidating man.

"Good morning?" You poked your head around Simon's large frame, Tommy hiding his face in the crook of your neck as if able to sense the confrontation about to happen. "Is everything okay?"

"Uh, no. Sorry, just. I think I speak for everyone in this building that we'd appreciate it if you'd keep that baby o'yours quiet once in a while. Barely gotten any sleep these days 'cause of his bloody crying." He frowned, glaring down at the baby in question, as if he was truly to blame for something he was barely able to control. Your cheeks warmed in embarrassment, having remembered that you'd already expected this last night when Tommy had burst into tears the first time, and then the second time when you were asleep.

"Right, I'm s-"

"Babies cry." Ghost interrupted, glare fixed on the man in front of you both, hand tightening around the doorframe much like when he'd been trying to convince you to let him in. "Y'can't really help it."

"Well you can shut him up-"

"And we did. Wondering if I'm going to need to do the same to you." He said gruffly, almost puffing his chest out of pride when he saw the man's colour drain from his face. It was a bit of a shitty rebuttal, in hindsight, but when it came from the beast of a man that he was, it was enough to make a grown man like the one in front of him piss his pants. "'m I?"

"N-no, sir."

"Sorted." He watched the neighbour scurry off back into his apartment like a bug of sorts, turning back to you with an amused glint in his normally inexpressive eyes. "Bother you often?"

"Yeah." You said breathlessly, actually impressed with how quickly he'd been able to get rid of him, like your own personal pest exterminator. "Thank you."

"He won't anymore." He stepped out into the hall, sparing you and your son one last glance before awkwardly lifting his hand up in an attempt to say goodbye, Tommy immediately trying to reach over to him with a plump hand, fingers flexing as if trying to use the force to pull his dad back.

"He'll be back, duck, don't worry… he's not leaving."

Ghost pressed the button to the elevator, willing himself enough strength to not turn around immediately at the sounds of his soon cooing and whining at him, the soft words you spoke plunging a spear into his cold heart.

He'd be back. He promised.

TAGLIST: @selfassassin @ess-perspective-blog @crazyfandomist @webreathfandoms @warners-wife @prodyng @gaycrystalbitch @warrior-of-justice @uhhely @mentallynot-here @jordanwalkersworld @skepticalleo @bratsukisworld @screamingoverfiction @comedinewithmeyeh @gojosbucket @mikasakuchiki @jonhswife @tea-effect @thelittlejinx @cafesho @daddylorianisastateofmind @63sucker (if your name is in italics it means I couldn't tag you!)

[memoirofasparklemuff1n]

brutally- r.c. x reader

summary: this is part two of champagne problems-a year after you said no to rafe, you receive a wedding invitation for rafe and sofia's wedding. a/n: this is for the one who asked for part two 🥹 i wrote this at 2 am and my first language isn’t english so bear with me lmaoo, thank you so much to all who've read my silly little story, i honestly didn't think a lot of people would read it. anywayyy i hope you like it <3 warnings: angst (?) depressed reader and low self esteem. oh and swearing lol disclaimer: the reader's depression is based on my own experiences, everybody is different and what i might go through isn't the same as what another person goes through. with that said, if you find any of these topics triggering, i understand! so, please always take care of yourself <3

part 1

seems to me, it's over

i'll get used to it eventually

over and over again, brutally

it's just the way it's meant to be

now your love's no good for me

i closed my eyes listening to the lyrics, my complicated feelings being put into words. it always amazes me how artists could turn pain into art, sadness into poems, and tears into songs. i pulled the covers over my head, darkening the moonlight seeping through my window.

i suddenly heard a knock on my door. i frowned and paused the song, confused. it was 2 am, and i knew that my family would be dead asleep by now, so i started freaking out. i lay still for a moment but ignored it after a while, thinking that maybe i had just imagined it. after all, i haven't exactly been sleeping like i should. insomnia makes you delirious, or so i’ve heard.

knock, knock, knock.

ok, i was definitely not imagining it. i got up quietly and almost tripped on my bunny by accident.

“sorry, baby,” i whispered. i then grabbed a candlestick on my right hand, lifting it in case i needed to hit whoever was behind the door. i mean what kind of burglar would knock? i chuckled nervously as i walked to the door. ugh, it must be jonathan again with his stupid ghost jokes. i took a deep breath and turned the handle with my left hand, swinging the door wide open.

oh, this motherfucker will know to stop messing with me. “jonathan, i swear to god if you’re–,” the words got stuck in my throat. ok, i was officially insane. because there was no way i wasn’t imagining this.

“rafe?” i hissed. “what are you doing here? and how the fuck did you get in?” see? completely irrational, therefore i was hallucinating.

“the front door was open,” he said with wide eyes, clearly trying to look innocent.

i narrowed my eyes, “i personally locked all the doors. so don’t fucking lie to me, or so help me, i will scream.” if i screamed, i knew someone would hear and would come to wake me up.

he smirked, “if you already know the answer, why do you bother asking? also, please scream, i’ve missed hearing it.” what the fuck?! my dreams have never been this vivid. this is it, my own personal hell.

it had been a month since i’d seen rafe and sofia at the beach, and since then i have avoided people even more than before. although on the rare occasions that i did go out, like the grocery store, whispers and covert glances would follow me around like a blood hound.

my eyes were adjusting to the hallway’s darkness, and i noticed that his under eyes were far too like mine. then i saw blood running from his nose, lip, and a bruise was forming on his cheek.

“what happened? oh my god, are you okay?” my voice filled with worry, erasing all the anger i felt because i still cared. more than i should.

“never felt better.” okay maybe not entirely. jerk. i then looked away from his face and saw that his shirt was also soaked with blood. it was so much, and i felt sick. if there was something i hated more than anything it was seeing the boy i loved hurt, even if he did it to himself. hell, more if he was the reason behind it. but why would he come here? of all places?

he still hasn't answered my question, but i figured i’d interrogate him while i cleaned his wounds.

i sigh, then pull him by the arm into my room. that’s when it hit me, alcohol. great.

“sit,” i ordered. “be careful with gia.” i saw a ball of white fur running around happily. strangely enough, she loved rafe, despite him not being around in a long time. she’s just like her mom. oh, fuck off. i left my bedroom to look for band-aids and rubbing alcohol. i grabbed some painkillers and a glass of water to try and sober him up. i paused at the head of the stairs to listen to any signs of my parents being awake. snoring met my ears, and i sighed with relief. i didn’t need to explain why my ex-boyfriend was in my room all bloody while being engaged. engaged. i blinked the tears away, “focus.”

the first thing i see when i get back is gia on rafe’s lap. traitor. he was petting her despite knowing i never let her get on my bed. she loved ripping my sheets far too much when i didn’t give her attention. he looked up and smiled at me. my heart broke a little, or what was left of it anyway.

i take her out of his lap and place her gently on the floor. i swear she looked at me judgingly, but then again, she's just a bunny. a traitor but still a bunny.

“she’s so big already,” he says quietly.

“yeah.” i answer. “she’s a year old.”

he looked surprised, “really?” his blue eyes somehow managed to glow in the darkness. why do they always do that?

i nodded looking down, “it’s been a while.” i repeated the words he’d said to me at the beach.

he furrowed his brow at that, but didn’t answer. i turn around and take the chair from my desk, dragging it to where he’s seated. he’s not looking at me, instead watching my paintings on the walls and the clutter of pencils and paintbrushes on my desk.

“you’re painting again,” he stated. no shit, sherlock.

i nodded again. “inspiration has been coming easily lately.” i left so many things unsaid. i wish i could call myself an artist, an echo of my earlier thoughts.

you consumed me, leaving no trace behind.

i felt like i was back 13 months ago before everything went downhill, about to clean his cuts like i’d done far too many times before. i wish i could heal wounds that were not visible to the naked eye.

i took a ball of cotton and dipped it in the alcohol. i leaned in, avoiding his eyes. those goddamn eyes. “this is going to hurt.”

“i know,” he winced when i pressed the ball to his cut lip. “sorry,” i then pressed it to his brow, noticing a small cut. leaning from my chair to clean his face was harder than i thought. normally, i’d be straddling his lap with his hands around my waist. don't go there.

i tried to keep my breath normal while i put on the band-aids. his gaze was intently on my face, but i avoided his eyes. “done.” i leaned back and then i gathered the used cotton and paper.

“you'll have to look at me eventually.” his voice was hoarse, like he’d been screaming. by his state, i'd be surprised if he hadn't.

“only if you answer my question.” i sat back down and grabbed the alcohol bottle and the pills. i took two out and handed it to him along with the glass. i still didn't look at him.

“i got into a fight.”

“well, thank you captain obvious.” i finally met his gaze and only found sadness in them.

he chuckled without humor, “you asked.”

“you know what i meant.”

he went quiet for a while, staring out the window. i took the opportunity to get a good look at him. i frowned when i noticed he’d lost weight. he looked so healthy at the beach, what happened? his nails were bitten to the quick and his signet ring looked loose around his finger. his shirt had once been blue, but was now deep red. his jeans were also matted with blood and his shoes had dirt and blood on them as well. his hair was longer now, falling to his forehead in a messy manner. he looked oddly beautiful. he always did and it made me want to cry. it was so unfair, why was falling in love so easy but getting out of it borderline impossible? every time i went to sleep, he was there, haunting me in my dreams. i woke up and there he was, everywhere. my clothes, my bed, my hands, my eyes, my fucking heart. it wasn’t his to own, yet he stayed without any intention of leaving.

his eyes met mine and he finally says, “better hear it from me than from somebody else.”

i frowned, “what do you mean?”

“i had a fight with one of your friends.” i clenched my jaw.

“what?!”

“pope, he provoked me,” he looks back at me defiantly.

“pope? rafe, what the fuck?” i was so confused right now.

i’m having a fever dream, i must be. pope was a saint, he wouldn’t hurt anyone and if he did, it would be with good reason. he was the only one of the pogues i talked to the most. after rafe and i broke up, i pushed sarah away and by extension, john b. so because of that, jj talked to me on occasion and kie only ever talked when she hadn’t heard from me in a while. which had become less and less when i stopped putting effort into our friendship. so, the only one left was pope, sweet and kind pope. i could never push him away; he didn’t deserve it. well, none of them really did, but we had a special bond. i think it was because my brother and i had spent the entirety of our only summer camp with him. pope and i were seven and my brother was eight and we were inseparable, the only times we didn’t see each other was when the boys and girls were divided for different activities, which wasn’t often. so right now, i am furious.

“i need an explanation. now!” i remembered to lower my voice, but i almost didn’t care.

“no, wait. you know what? i don’t need to listen to this,” i took a deep breath and closed my eyes, because if i didn’t, i would punch something, preferably rafe.

i turned around and pointed at the door, without looking at him, “get. out. now.”

“no.”

i scoffed and opened my eyes, “what do you mean, no? you don’t get to decide, ok? first of all, we aren’t together anymore. secondly, you broke into my house, drunk and bloody and third, you had a fight with my best friend.” i tightened my fists to control my anger.

“i won’t leave until you hear me out,” he crossed his arms and glared at me.

“i don’t have to hear you out. this is my house, therefore my rules.” oh my god. this is it. i have become my mother.

“fine. let’s go outside then,” he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out the door before i could protest.

“rafe cameron. let me go, right now.” i yanked my arm to no avail, and to be fair i wasn’t strong enough. id lost too much weight and didn’t exercise, although i don’t think that would’ve helped me much if i’m being honest. rafe was freakishly strong.

“no. you’re going to listen to me whether you like it or not.” i could feel him trembling with anger and i hated that my heart started pounding so fast. he’s practically kidnapping you and you’re all excited? what the fuck is wrong with you? oh god, let’s not go there.

i knew there was no point in fighting, so i let him drag me out the front door and down the street to a small playground that we used to spend a lot of time in late at night. i hate that he remembers where it was and that he didn’t hesitate in taking us there.

when he finally let me go, he didn’t face me. i crossed my arms expectantly. i looked around me and saw that all the houses were dark, the moon being our only witness. how i love her. it made me feel a little better that she was lighting our path and, in a way, creating a spotlight on us. cheap shakespearean tragedy again. i started shaking from the cold and hugged my sweatshirt tighter and faced rafe. i hadn’t noticed him looking at me quietly. i felt a little pang in my chest at the familiar gesture.

“well?” i raised an eyebrow, expectantly. he started to fidget and avoided my gaze.

“i—” he looked down and frowned. “i broke up with sofia.”

i took in a sharp breath. ok, i wasn’t expecting that. what the fuck was i supposed to say? he stayed silent and i realized he was waiting for me to say something. “i’m sorry,” i guess. i don’t know.

he scoffed and lifted his eyes to mine. like always, they shined but this time they weren’t as bright. he was sad, i could tell.

“i still don’t see what this has to do with pope and you breaking into my house, though.”

he nodded and walked towards the swing seat that was a few feet away from us. i felt like i had déjà vu in that moment. here was the first time he kissed me. on that very same swing set. i sighed and went to sit on the empty swing by his side.

“remember when we snuck out here and we got drunk for the first time?” he asked.

i laughed, “yeah, i then swore i would never touch alcohol again. my mom was so mad.”

he laughed too, “my dad congratulated me that day, said i was finally a man.”

“what? that’s so unfair,” i feigned annoyance. “my mom locked me up for a week.”

“i did break you out, though.” he pointed out and chuckled.

“the least you could do after making me steal my mom’s liquor,” i smiled and stared at the ground. our laughter died down and all that was left was the bittersweetness of what once was. i was so happy back then; everything was so simple. sure, i’d had my low days but after a while, i started dimming until i turned off. the lightbulb now burnt out, but unlike the real ones, i couldn’t be replaced. a sudden wave of guilt came over me. i ruined everything and for what? i stopped talking to my friends, broke the heart of the love of my life and built a fortress around me, not to keep people out, but to keep myself in. that way i wouldn’t hurt anyone, or so i thought.

“i’m sorry.” i lifted my head, confused.

“for what?” i asked.

“everything.” he looked at me with a tired expression.

“what is everything, rafe?” if anything i should be the one apologizing.

“for pressuring you when you didn’t want to marry me. i knew how you felt about it and i still pushed and ruined what we had. i was selfish and stupid, but i swear i didn’t mean to. i never meant for you to feel like i didn’t respect your boundaries or your beliefs.” i could tell he’d thought about those words for a while. he was so wrong. “rafe—”

“no, please let me finish.” his eyes were glassy, and i swore i could see him burning from the inside. a feeling i knew all too well.

he takes a deep breath and starts talking, “i am not going to deny that i was angry and hurt and that i felt like i was going insane. i spent weeks wondering what i’d done wrong, ways to make you take me back and every time i looked for you at your house, your brother or your mother would turn me away. and i never saw you outside, even months after our breakup.

“and instead of being angry at myself, i began to feel angry at you. why did you do this to me? when you knew how i felt about you and that i would never feel the same way for anybody else.” he gets up and starts pacing, avoiding my gaze and i’m grateful because my heart has somehow broken once more, and rivulets start descending, falling to the ground.

he starts gesturing wildly with his hands and turns to me, “i was broken, ok? you broke me and i started spending my nights at the country club, permanently glued to the bar. i drank away my pain and then this girl started noticing how sad i was. despite me being a jerk to her, she was kind to me and instead of serving me more drinks she started listening to me.” sofia. great. now i have to listen to their love story and how she healed him or whatever. stop being so bitter.

“so, i asked her out and she said yes, and we started dating. for the first time in months, i felt better. like maybe i could be good enough for someone, even if it wasn’t the person i wanted. i locked you away in my head and made sofia my priority. i was petty when i asked her to marry me. i wanted you to see that i had moved on, that it wasn’t that special, and that you’d done me a favor. that i could be happy without you.” i’d stopped looking at him in an attempt to hide my tears.

“but then i saw you at the beach. and all those feelings came crashing back in. that day i wanted to scream at you, kiss you, hurt you, and hold you so hard you couldn’t leave me again. i saw sofia go to you and you looked the same, yet not. when you said you were sick, i figured it was a cold and not the way i hoped. that maybe you were just as miserable as me. then you turned around and i couldn’t stop myself. so, i went to you, and i saw you crying and it took everything in me not to reach out to you. i realized i wasn’t over you and that i never would be. and i’m angry at you because i saw you for less than ten minutes and you somehow managed to destroy everything, i’d worked so hard to build. i hurt sofia badly. she didn’t deserve that, and i hate myself for it and i hate that i still love you.”

i looked up at that, shocked. i suddenly forgot how to speak.

but he had so much more to say because he didn’t stop, “so i broke up with her a few days after that and today, i went to find another place to drink, because she worked at the country club, and i couldn’t go there. you ruined that for me too. you managed to exile me without a word, and i went to the next best thing in kildare. your friend’s restaurant, and there were your stupid friends and my sister talking and laughing. when sarah saw me, she came up to me and i snapped at her, so john b stepped in and then jj and pope came along to kick me out so i punched him and then the others got into the fight as well, until they called the police and told me to leave. and i ended up here without realizing it. because i always come back to you.”

he was breathing heavily as if he’d run a marathon, his words starting to mix. i could only stare at him, and i guess that pissed him off even more.

“answer me for fuck’s sake!” i flinched. he’d never yelled at me like that. first time for everything.

“i—”

“y/n, please. i need you to talk to me because i’m going insane. please, i need a fucking answer. why did you do this to me?” he knelt in front of me, crying. i hate myself so much.

“rafe, i’m sorry,” i sob.

“sorry doesn’t cut it, okay?” his nostrils flared. “i need an explanation for why you left me.”

i take a deep breath and nod. “you’re right. i just- i.”

i sigh and close my eyes, “i didn’t say no because of my views on marriage, ok? i didn’t say no because i didn’t think you weren’t good enough for me, on the contrary. i felt like you deserved so much better than me. i’m pretty shitty, rafe. i didn’t want to ruin things, only to realize it was too late. i just wanted you to be happy, even if that meant with somebody else. somebody who could love you better than i ever could. i hurt you and i’m sorry, it’s the last thing i wanted. i only want you to be happy and i can’t give you that. you’re an amazing person, rafe.” i put my hand on his cheek and wipe away his tears.

“i do love you, rafe. i always have and i always will. i love you so much that i know what you deserve and it’s not me. i’m not ok. i’ll sabotage everything in the end, like i always do. i didn’t want to drag you down with me.”

i felt his features harden under my hand and he got up. he glared at me and his chest started rising and falling angrily.

“what the fuck, y/n? you don’t get to decide what’s good for me. that is my decision, and you didn’t ask me, ok? you went ahead and broke up with me for no clear reason. i know i fucked up by proposing, but we didn’t have to break up. instead, you left me there, alone and with my heart ripped out. it’s such bullshit. i am a grown man, and a relationship is between two people, but instead you decided i wasn’t capable, and you chose for both of us. that is so fucked up, y/n.”

“do you really think this low of me? that i’m an idiot who can’t think? or even worse, that i wasn’t a good enough boyfriend that you felt like i couldn’t help you? is that what this is? you think i’m incompetent? did i do something that made you feel like that? you should’ve told me how you were feeling, not bottle it up and then leave with no explanation. i’m not chopped liver, you know? we were supposed to be there for each other in the good and the bad.”

i looked down at my hands, ashamed. he was right, and it just proved everything i’ve said. “i never meant for it to be this way. i thought i was doing the right thing, ok? and it’s not that i thought you couldn’t handle it, i just didn’t think you should. you’ve had enough problems with your life for me to bring you more. a relationship is of two people, but i wasn’t in the right headspace to be able to maintain it. you couldn’t fix me, and i didn’t expect you to.” i looked up and his face was still wet with tears but was otherwise serious. he stared at me, his gaze hard and his jaw clenched. he was so angry and upset. its all your fault. it always is.

he was quiet for a while and i thought he wasn’t going to speak until he said, “who ever said i wanted to fix you? you don’t need fixing and you’re painting me as if i’m perfect. i’ve had my fair share of fucked up stuff too and you helped me. i just wanted to be there for you, i still do. you don’t have to go through this alone.”

“besides, what good has it done for us to be apart? if anything, we’re worse. i get drunk at least three times a week and you never leave your house. when was the last time you went out with your friends? you think i didn’t know? i talked to sarah sometimes and she always said you were ignoring her and avoiding the others.” his voice started raising again and started walking towards me.

i looked up at the sky, the moon hiding behind clouds. even she’s embarrassed. “i didn’t say it would be good for me, i only meant that it would be good for you.” how many times do i have to say it?

“yeah well, it’s not, ok? it hasn’t been good for me. i want to be with you. and i’m tired of this whole sad girl shit you’ve got going on, alright? you’re not the only one in pain and frankly, you’ve only done more harm than good. your friends don’t deserve your disappearance acts, much less my sister. sarah loves you more than anything, more than she loves me. you’re her sister and you’re being selfish.” i just felt like i’d been slapped in the face. although maybe that would’ve stung less. the worst part is that he’s right, but now i was starting to get pissed off.

so, i did what i always do, hurt them back. real mature.

“there you go, you discovered america. i’m a shitty person and i’m selfish and self-centered and egotistical and a hypocrite. whatever you want to call me, ok? you just proved my point so congratulations on finally figuring it out.” i got up and wiped my tears and began to walk away before i said something else that i’d regret or worse.

he grabbed my arm before i could take another step and sat me back down, “you don’t get to have the last word, ok? when will you finally understand that the thing you were supposedly protecting me and the others from, is precisely your behavior right now. being present before wasn’t hurting anybody, and now, by removing yourself from our lives, you’ve caused exactly what you were trying to avoid. i’m so fucking pissed off with your self-pity. before being your boyfriend, i was your best friend, or at least i thought i was. sarah was your best friend, and you could’ve told her if you didn’t want to talk to me, alright? but this self-isolation is over. you’re only hurting everyone else.” his blue eyes were somehow colder than the night air. i know that what he’s saying is true, but i don’t feel like it is. i’m so overwhelmed that all i want is to rot in my bed alone.

i yanked my arm out of his grip and stood up. “i have enough to deal with without you making it worse. forget about me, ok? its better this way and maybe you should go talk to sofía. she clearly loves you more than me.” i pushed past him and didn’t look back.

something hit me from behind (not in a good way) and i ended up on the ground. “what the fuck?” rafe tackled me. like some fucking nfl player. “dude are you for real?” he flipped me over and pinned my hands over my head. my breath hitched and he noticed. motherfucker.

“i’m not going back to sofia, ok? and you’re not leaving until i say so.” in other circumstances this would be hot, but right now i am exhausted. sure, of course you are. and i really wanted him to kiss me. i was so close to giving in.

“do tell, rafe.” i forced my voice to sound tired, but my heart said otherwise. yeah, his body on top of mine was enough to wake me up. horny bitch. i just really miss him. is that so bad?

he didn’t respond though, he was breathing rapidly, and his gaze fell on my lips, but before i could say something his lips crashed into mine. his hands let go of mine and moved to cradle my face and i threaded my fingers through his hair. shit.

suddenly my body felt alive again, my heart restarting completely and my mind went quiet for the first time in a year. i moaned when he bit my lip softly and he groaned when my tongue trailed his. we fell into that familiar rhythm and suddenly i felt like nothing had changed. i pulled away to breathe but he only took the opportunity to kiss my face and jaw, then down my neck. i tugged at his hair, and he kissed me again, this time rolling us over, so i was on top, with my legs on either side of him. he somehow managed to sit up and his right arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer while his left hand pushed the hair out of my face. this time he was the one that pulled back, only to wrap his other arm around my waist and bury his face in the crook of my neck. i stroked his hair and closed my eyes. i quit all of my resolve and hugged him tighter to me. he spoke first.

“i missed you so fucking much,” his voice cracked, and i then felt something cold slide down my chest. he was crying. and that broke me. i started sobbing and hugged him impossibly tighter, “me too. i love you so much, i’m sorry.” i pressed my lips to his head and inhaled his scent. home. he lifted his face to look at me and his hair fell over his brow. he was so beautiful. the moonlight bathed him over, the planes of his face highlighted, and the shadows became more pronounced. chiaroscuro. a technique i’d never mastered, yet the moon, ever the artist, did so effortlessly.

a tear fell down his cheek and i kissed it away, and before i knew it, i kissed every crevice of his face and whispered i love you’s spilled from my lips. i hated that i was the cause of his pain. when i finally pulled away, his eyes were closed, and i lifted my hand and traced his face like i’d done forever ago. “your freckles are like constellations,” i whispered. he chuckled at the memory and hugged me to his chest.

after a while of us sitting still he said, “don’t leave me again, please.”

i pulled away, put my hands on either side of his face and looked into his eyes. “i’ll stay as long as you want me, but i don’t want to hurt you again.” i meant it.

“you’ll only hurt me if you leave. and i want you to know that i’ll help you get better, but please don’t push me away. i only want you to be happy too, but the way you’re living right now won’t let you achieve that.”

i looked down and nodded, “i’m sorry.”

“i’m sorry, too.” he lifted my chin so i could meet his gaze. “we can do this together, okay? its not about fixing each other, but about supporting one another. you don’t need fixing because you aren’t broken.” my eyes welled up at that and this time he was the one that kissed my tears away.

“just let me in, please.” his lips felt like the perfect antidote, and i knew then that i would be alright, with his help and my friends’.

“ok.” he pulled back when he heard me and smiled, and god how i’d missed that smile.

i smiled back and rested my head on his shoulder. “you really need to change and shower.”

he laughed, “yeah, pope won’t appreciate new fashion choices.”

i laughed too, “i have to see them and apologize. tomorrow. you’re right, i’ve only made things worse.”

“i’ll go with you, if you want. though don’t expect me to apologize.”

i slapped his shoulder, “rafe!”

“fine, then i won’t go.” i narrowed my eyes at him.

“you have to apologize, or i won’t talk to you for a week.”

his eyes widened, panicked. “fine, ill go. just please don’t do that.”

i didn’t expect that reaction to be fair. “i was joking, i’m sorry.”

“well, it wasn’t funny,” he pouted. why is he so cute? i’m so down bad.

“ok ok.” i stand up and offer my hand for him to stand up. he takes it but once he’s up he doesn’t let go.

as we walked up to my house, i realized he can’t stay with me.

“are you going home?” i ask.

rafe looks down at me, “are you that desperate to get rid of me?”

i roll my eyes, “you know that’s not what i meant.”

“hmm, better be. but to answer your question, yeah. although i was hoping you’d come with me.”

i stop at that, “i can’t, my mom will get worried.”

he groans frustrated. “can’t you just say you left to stay with a friend?”

i raise an eyebrow at that, “she’ll never believe that, especially at this hour.”

“i meant like leave a note. but i can stay with you, unless you want me to go. i have clothes in my truck, if that’s what you’re worried about.” he stops and looks at me expectantly. his offer is tempting but i can’t help but feel like we’re going too fast.

“i don’t want you to go and id love to stay with you, but maybe we should stay away for tonight. i feel like its too sudden.” his frowns at that, but nods though i can tell he’s a little annoyed.

“yeah, i guess you’re right.” he looked like he wanted to say something else and after seemingly thinking about it for a bit he says, “i just don’t want to be alone tonight.” me neither.

i nod, “ok, but get your clothes first.” his eyes light up and he nods before letting go of me to head towards his truck. when he gets back, we go up the stairs quietly and i tell him to go shower while i set the bed. we used to do this countless times when we were together. i usually took a couple of weighted blankets and draped them over us so my parents wouldn’t notice he was there, although they probably wouldn’t come in tomorrow, or today, because they had work early. i’d still lock my door just in case, that way i’d be alerted if they tried to get in. i jump, startled, when the door opens, and rafe comes in. he’s wearing a sweat set and is barefoot. he chuckles at the sight of the bed, “that never gets old.” gia suddenly hops onto my bed, and i lift her up and kiss her. “you know you can’t be here.” i then set her down and she runs under my desk, but not before stomping her back feet in annoyance. i feel rafe hug me from behind and kiss the top of my head, now smelling of my shampoo and soap.

“nice fragrance,” i giggle.

“thank you, it’s from a very exclusive shop in paris.” he says in an arrogant manner.

“oh, my bad, my lord.”

“apology accepted, my lady.” he picks me up and throws me onto the bed, before enveloping us with the blankets. after snuggling in my small bed, i kissed his cheek. “i love you.”

he hugs me tighter and kisses me softly, “i love you, too.”

part two <333 @lissylopez i hope you like it <3

divider creds: @anitalenia

[httpzsho]

I HATE THAT I LOVE YOU | 리키

PAIRINGS. fwb!riki x reader

GENRE. angst, friends to ???

WARNINGS. swearing, kissing

SYNOPSIS. you didn't know being in a situationship was this complicated, especially when the person you're with it is your bestfriend.

SHO'S NOTE. inspired by my bae's ( @nishikio ) fic “It was never just fun” go check it out :]

YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED A LOVE LIFE, watching the cheesy couples act all lovey-dovey during the love month was an eyesore. only becuase you didn't have one of your own.

well, you kind of had one.

your bestfriend, riki. you wouldn't really call him your lover, it's not really official. you don't even remember how it happened. you both just flirted with one another and it flowed into.. whatever this is.

he'd buy you flowers, call you “baby” or “pretty”, take you out on dates, but he'd also ignore your texts, tease you too much, and just simply be a jerk.

you're lying if you said you didn't actually like him. you did, you really do. but it pains you that you don't even know if he does too, or all of this is just some fun to him.

and it doesn't help that he constantly gives you mixed signals.

KI : hello, pretty

: morning, riki :)

KI : you free after school?

: i think so, yeah. why?

KI : go to a party with me. I'll pick you up at 7.

: see you there <3

[ KI reacted '♡' to your message.]

great, a party. you enjoyed being in some, but you really didn't want to go in a party on the night of valentines, you're positive that the room will just be filled with your friends with their partners.

and well, you can't really call him that.

you spent the rest of the afternoon getting ready, putting on your silky red dress, and a plump pink lipstick. you kept your hair simply by just wearing it down. you made your way over to your living room, the sound of your velvety heels making contact with each step.

not long after your doorbell rang, you opened it as your eyes were met with rikis, his outfit simple yet still giving him the elegant look. his chrome hearts hoodie with his pants.

“good evening, gorgeous.”

you chuckled, “oh don't bait me with flattery. let's go,” he grinned as he took your hand and led you to his car as he drove you both to the party. as you expected, it was filled with lovebirds, some even kissing here and there. others are already wasted.

you both made your way to your friendgroup, they knew you and riki weren't just friends, but they were aware you weren't really something. the night went on with you and riki gulping down a few shots. you weren't much of a big drinker. you were starting to get tipsy.

you and riki were on the corner of the room, absentmindedly observing everyone dance and go out and about. you turned to riki, admiring his features. “you're s'handsome,” he chuckled at your giggly tone. “mmh you're just drunk, pretty.” he held your waist gently, just incase your legs begin to give out. “'m not, your lips are plump too.” you stared into them, the gap between you two ever so close.

fuck it. he pressed his lips onto yours, closing his eyes as he melted onto you, for the very first time. he pulled away slowly, realizing what he just did.

fuck, you've never kissed before. and he did it without your consent. this was you and him's first kiss too.

he wiped his lips, your strawberry flavored lippie still lingering within his.

as the night buried on more, he decided to drive you back home. and afterwards went home to his own apartment.

all he could think about was how wrong it was for him to kiss you. you were drunk, what if you didn't want that at all? plus, in you whole 'relationship' you've never kissed before. he doesn't even know if you truly like him or if this is just some no-strings-attached thing.

whatever it was, he knew the solution was to get rid of his feelings. he hated you, he hated your smile, he hated your laugh, he hated your voice. and most of all, he hated how he didn't even hate you one bit.

the day after that you went to school, looking for him. completely oblivious to what happened the previous night. the only recent memory that was left in your mind was you swallowing lots of alcohol.

you spotted him in his usual spot in the cafeteria, you approached him, but he simply gave you a cold look.

“soo, did you have fun last night?” he hummed. that's it. you sighed. this wasn't new. he would always be sweet & charming one moment, then the next it's like he doesn't want you at all. it annoyed you.

you thought it'd be a pattern, sweet then not, sweet then not. but to your surprise the next couple of days were silent. he didn't approach you, call you pretty, or give you any affection. you were curious. and a little hurt angry. did something happen that night? did you do something wrong?

you were going to talk to him but as you went to where you usually saw him, there he was, standing beside his locker with some girl clinging onto him. she looked at him with heart eyes. and he laughed, smiling with her.

that made your heart break into little pieces. yeah sure, he wasn't your boyfriend, but that 'moments' you have together mean nothing to him? were you really just a pawn?

you watched from afar as you clutched your jacket. you didn't even notice the tears in your eyes. why was he so important to you? worst of all, why him?

you went home that day with a heavy heart pounding in your chest. you barely got any sleep. your mind occupied with the memory of him with that girl.

it shouldn't hurt. but it did.

the next few days, the only view that clouded the school was him and that stupid girl. you see him doing the things he did to you, accompany her, buy her snacks from the caféteria, and just simply be there. each moment hurt more than the last.

the last class of the day finally ended. you went out the classroom, only to be met with the sight of him and the girl, again. you were going to tear your eyes off them, but was distracted when she kisses him.

she kissed him. his first kiss.

your heart shattered, once again. he never did that with you.

your tears formed quickly, you rub your eyes and ran. not knowing riki saw you and followed quickly.

you stormed off the school, your brain mindlessly fogged with that scene. why? why was it so easy for him to replace you?

“___!” you heard him call out, his hand grabbed your fist and turned you around. “please, hear me out-” he pleaded, you yelled, “what? that you suddenly went distant then found a girl better than me?” you wiped your tears, not wanting your eyes to meet his.

“it's not like that!” “then what?” you pulled your wrist out of his grasp, “was I that replaceable to you? I thought we had something- but.. I guess not! you even had your first kiss with he—” he cut you off, “she's not my first kiss, you are!” your eyes widened, in complete disbelief. “h-huh?..” you stared at him.

“look, the night at the party—you were drunk, and you caressed my lips and I wasn't thinking so I just kissed you, and I really fucking wanted to do that for a long time, but I don't even know if you liked me seriously or not, and I swear nothing else happened, but I felt really REALLY bad because I just kissed you even if I didn't know if you want to- and I was so in pain because I like you a lot, and I wanted it to go away, so I pretended to like this girl who liked me and she sucks, and then she suddenly kissed me and I wanted nothing but to reel your lips again, because I hate you so much and I hate that I love you, but really I don't!”

he flipped his hair, sighing. “and I completely understand if you don't feel the sa—” you cut him off, pulling him by his collar and pressing your lips against his. for a moment, he freezes. but he soon melts into your lips, kissing you back, just like the first time.

“I.. that was..” he panted, breathless.

“I love you, pretty. I mean it.” you hugged him. and his hands wrapped around your waist, he kissed your forehead. you giggled. “I love you too,”

“you promise?”

“pinky promise.”

⩩ ( @nishikio , @stvrriki ) ⊹ ࣪ ˖

© work of httpzsho | sho

[naomikozura]

Love of My Life: Part 1

Heian Era! Sukuna Ryomen x Sorcerer!Fem!Reader

A/N: Although the first part of this story only mentions the ending of the story, this will be a MULTIPLE part story. The first part does not contain as heavy content but OTHER PARTS WILL. ALL parts are dark themes and have heavy topics. The second part of this story will contain more DARK THEMES and is a work of FICTION. I will post the exact warnings and details when the second part gets published but this is your warning for what to expect. Again it is a DARK THEME story so 18+ ONLY MDNI

Warnings: strong language, violence, mention of mass murder, angst, generational trauma, complicated family dynamics, family abuse, murder, motional turmoil and abuse, manipulation, sadistic tendencies (slight), corruption of power, dark themes (slight)

WC: 8.6K

Summary: The story of the infamous King of Curses has been around for hundreds of years, proving him to be the most feared sorcerer in the entire jujutsu realm. But the truth of what happened that led to the ultimate annihilation of his humanity has been concealed, almost erased. There was a time back in the Heian era when Ryomen Sukuna did have a shred of humanity left… but the loss of it resulted in the creation of the destructive monster he would later become.

Series Masterlist

Prologue || Part 2

Heian Era, 6 Months Before the Burning of Aurora

“Again” 

“Again.”

“Again!”

The deep rumble that came from your father led you to the brink, pushing you further into a pit of exhaustion. You’d already been out here for 8 hours, your father’s relentlessness wearing you down but by bit. 

“Y/n! I need you to focus!”, he yelled. 

You knew your father was level-headed, smart, but since your birth he’d done nothing but train you to be strong and gifted when it came to your ability. Your clan relied on you just like every heir before you, to bring your family honor and grace. You had spent the better years of your adolescence learning about the history of your bloodline, the history of jujutsu, and learning basic technique but now as an adult there was more room for you to be pushed to the brink to train for your special ability. 

“Okay, I think that’s enough for today.”, your father walked over to you, your arm swiping the sweat off your forehead. “Get home and into a bath, we have dinner with the Zen’in clan tonight.” 

A pang of hurt spread through your chest. Among all the training, all the history lessons, all your talent and power, your life was still forced into the hands of your father. You hadn’t only spent the better years of your adolescence learning about jujutsu and your technique, but also the fundamentals of what it meant to be a bride. You knew it was traditionally passed through generations for two families to join together through marriage but a part of you still felt hurt that your father had lined up 3 suitors for your hand. Never once considering your own feelings on the matter. 

The Zen’in clan was just one of the three families who produced male heirs around the time you were born. Almost like it was predetermined, the arrangement for your betrothal to one of the main family’s sons was set in stone for you the day your mother held you for the first time. You hated the idea that your life wouldn’t be your own if you married into any of the Three Families, but you knew your duty deep down even into the marrow of your bones. 

Once you’d arrived home you soaked in the bath, the maids helped you wash your body of the dirt and grime and helped wash your hair as they massaged a cleansing type of gel into it. You felt the tension in your muscles dissipate with each pass of the sponge and each massage they did in your hair. 

Getting dressed for these types of occasions was tiring, feeling the pull of your hair being done in an elegant manner to showcase the beauty of your natural features, your complexion barely needed any powder to make it more presentable. You were beautiful, every sorcerer within the lands knew you were the most coveted and eligible bride due to your family bloodline, your ability, and your beauty. Unfortunately for many, your life was already selected to be given away within the families, not outside of them. 

You pulled on your traditional gown, wearing your family's seal colors as you put on a red headpiece that brought out your features beautifully. Red adorned your family home, your sigil painting in the bright crimson to signify strength, sacrifice, protection, and hope. You always felt proud to wear the seal colors yet you couldn’t help but feel like there was no hope for you. 

Your family sat in the common area, the Zen’in members sitting properly around the table while the heads talked amongst themselves. You looked over at the eldest son, his dark hair and deep brown eyes striking as he looked at you. He was handsome no doubt, probably a suitable husband but you couldn’t bring yourself to envision a future with him. Despite your wishes, you’d probably marry into the Zen’in family. It was the most logical, beneficial and strategic marriage that your father would have picked for you. 

The dinner was simple, quick, a formality to get you and the Zen’in son, Zetsubou Zen’in, introduced. You knew who he was, but never met him in person until now. He was charming, smart, powerful but there was a darkness to him. Something he hid all too well, you wondered if his family knew about his dark tendencies that he kept hidden from the rest of his clan. You knew a marriage to him would be selling your life away, you’d be a shell of a human being with him. He would only bring you hate and despair. 

Once the night had ended and you started to unwind, you fell onto your bed and stared at the ceiling, taking in the moonlight that bled through the cracks before turning and looking out the window at all the stars that illuminated the village. Where could the endless reach of the sky take you? Would you go far enough away that you disappear and never come back? 

You didn't let your mind wander too much before you fell into a slumber, your mind numbing from the evening's events. 

~ ~ ~ ~ 

“Another village raid.” you heard your father’s voice ring out of his meeting room. You had a bad habit of eavesdropping on his meetings, but you knew he’d keep you sheltered from the jujutsu world until you mastered your domain. You knew it wasn’t protective but strategic. Keep you out of the way until you are strong enough to master your domain and keep low risk of his heir dying. 

“He killed every single person there, tortured them, stole the energy they possessed. He’s getting stronger with each village he destroys.”, a second voice spoke out, a third muttering in agreement and the fourth person silent as he slammed his drink on the table. 

The Four Families rarely met unless it was important, though with the jujutsu realm slowly establishing itself, every meeting was important. 

“We need to get our men, the strongest to train and immobilize him otherwise he’ll only continue to get stronger and more power hungry.”, you recognized the Zen’in clan’s leader, his voice prominent due to the countless visits him, his wife, and son had made to your home in the past few weeks. You and Zetsubou were both being groomed to be each other's marital partner, regardless of how much you wish you weren’t. 

“I have 20 men who have been training, many of them have sons who are also starting to get their cursed energy under control and starting with the warriors in the coming weeks. We can expedite that training and have them ready in a month's time.”

“The Kamo clan also have a number of men that are willing to fight for the cause. This is the fifth raid in a month, it seems they’re getting more frequent. How much longer until he targets our territories and steals our energies?”, the Kamo clan leader spoke up, his voice much softer than the rest but held his resolve. “We must act as soon as we can” 

“Agreed. Until then, we must keep the heirs focused and trained, we can’t have any loose ends”. 

He meant you. 

You always knew they meant you. From the beginning theyd always second guessed your ability, you were the first woman to inherit your family’s special technique so they had obvious doubts. You’d grown powerful in your ability over the past few years but the one thing you still couldn’t do was create a domain, something the other three heirs had already mastered a year ago. 

You left then, heading to the stables in order to prepare for your training this morning. You slid  the door open, making your way down to the final stall and seeing your white, brown eyed mare. She was beautiful, a gift from the Zen’in clan as an interest for your hand in marriage. 

You tan a hand over her soft coat, the shine illuminated under the morning sun. It wasn’t too late, only an hour or two before midday so you knew she was well fed and hydrated thanks to the stable hands. 

Strapping in the saddle on your mare, you ensured you had everything you needed to go into the open fields. They were several miles away and consisted of open fields perfect for training. You really wanted to indulge in your ability, bring yourself to the fullest potential so you went out to the fields to train often. Your father often hated when you would go alone but you’ve managed to convince him that solo practice was important in order to gain control of your ability. Eventually after much consideration and eagerness, he agreed to let you go on your own. You finished packing your food and water for the day, knowing that most of your sessions often lasted the entire morning and led into the evening, and set out early in order to start your training. 

You rode through the forest in silence, letting the sound of the animals in the birds around you fill in the empty space, giving you a sense of serenity, knowing that everything was at peace. We often wondered how much it would take to be as free as the birds who flew the skies or the deer grazed in the fields. You thought much of what it would be like to leave, but your path would never allow you to get away from what was set in stone. 

Once you arrive at the training grounds, you let your horses graze in the woods, off in the shaded area while tied to a tree with a long rope to ensure it wouldn’t wander off. 

You focused, closing your eyes and feeling the wind around you, your body using every one of its senses to connect to the earth and energy within you. You let yourself feel the wind and taste the freshness of the air, the humidity and feeling of water still present from the storm a few days ago. You listened to every chirping bird and snapping branch from the small creatures in the woods, the smell of fresh dew on the grass bringing you to a calming place and filling you with ease. 

You channeled the energy into your hands, the small iridescent light glowing as it grew bigger and stronger. Your eyes remained closed as you focused on getting the technique just right. You wanted to show you could master your inherited technique, that your potential wasn’t going to be wasted on a stupid marriage. 

You were still the daughter of the L/n Clan and the heir to the familial bloodline. You were more than just someone to be married for political gain. 

You swirled the energy in your hands, growing it with each passing second before it reached its brim yet you forced it to get bigger to expand your capacity. 

The wind moved around you and started to swirl into the ball of cursed energy you manifested, pushing yourself before you released and let the energy target some of the trees, exploding on impact and causing a ripple effect that made the birds fly out of the trees and some of the animals run away. 

You let out a shaky breath before repeating the steps, this time trying to focus on using your technique on the cursed dummy you had in front of you. You’d often get other sorcerers to cast cursed energy into props in order to help practice your Aurora, each time more precise than the last. 

You closed your eyes, blinking them slowly as they glowed in a bright, iridescent green color, focusing all your energy on the prop. You raised a hand to manipulate the individual building blocks, watching as the prop contorted and turning into a deformed figure before a screech released from the inside. It was a cursed spirit  inside the prop screaming for mercy. You narrowed your eyes and continued to rip apart the existence of the cursed spirit, pulling its atoms apart piece by piece as the screams intensified before they stopped completely due to the implosion of its figure. 

You let out a breath, wiping the sweat off your forehead before starting from square one. You continued for hours, using more of the cursed objects and using them to strengthen your ability. 

Once evening arrived, you packed everything, walking to the mare and swinging your leg over her back and shifted to get comfortable. As you were getting ready to leave you heard a crack in the woods, but this time the energy felt different. Your head turned to look at the opposing side of the woods, narrowing your eyes and trying to feel if there were any cursed spirits out. Confused, you turned, nudging your mare towards the direction of L/n House. 

The unknown energy slowly growing after you’d left the field. 

~ 

You had spent the next few days training out in the field, slowly growing in your strength and technique as each session passed. Your father was still weary of your being alone in the fields but with everyday passing and you coming home safely, he began to trust your routine. You still followed a training regiment with him every other day and did your history studies on the weekends. You were all around intelligent, strong, gifted, and resilient. 

You pushed yourself back, dodging the hit from the cursed dummy you had made to pose as a fighter with you. It wasn’t strong but it wasn’t weak. A good mid tier practice dummy to help build your endurance. The dummy charged at you as you jumped over it, spinning your body in a flawless way that made you seem like the village dancers during any major celebration. 

In the final blow, you swung your foot around, kicking it perfectly in the head before pushing your hand forward, knocking it down before using your ability to disfigure the dumb thing and make it implode in itself, the shrill of pain ringing out before it fell silent. It felt no real pain. Your father said listening to their cries often helped take away their effect. it was the way your enemies guilt tripped sorcerers into submitting to empathy. You knew when you needed to be empathetic and needed to be heartless, even if you didn’t like it. 

The sound of snapping made you turn, your hair sticking to your forehead as you met the dark gaze of crimson eyes. You felt your chest jump slightly in surprise but quickly relaxed once you’d let yourself calm with the wind. 

Your hair was tied in a high ponytail, your skin glossy from the evening sun as you trained in the field in the outskirts of your home. You looked him over, taking in his menacing appearance which, for you, had no effect in the way you saw him. His skin was tan with dark marks embedded into his skin, the tattoos moving in a swirl of different directions but added to his edge. He wore a robe that showed his muscular chest, his hair messy and weighed down by his sweat. There was no question that the strongest sorcerer would be huge in comparison to the daughter of one of the Four Clan’s leaders, yet the size difference still gave him a swirl of emotion. 

You looked at him in a way he hadn’t been looked at before. Your eyes staring at him, almost like calculating his every move as he slowly walked towards you. Ryomen hid the shock in his body when he reached you, pushing down his need to physically express his taken aback reaction. Many people in the world would be in shock, fear, buckle under the weight of his possessive hold over any room or space he occupied. Many people bowed at his feet, begged for mercy from his ruthlessness, he was feared. The story people told their children to keep them well mannered. 

And yet, you stood a foot away from him and met his gaze in relaxed confidence. Your eyes held curiosity, not fear. Your body was laid back, not shaking or trembling at his presence. You didn’t buckle at the overwhelming pull of his presence instead you embraced it and met him with your own confidence. You were secure in yourself enough that you held no fear towards him. 

His eyes scanned your features, taking in every inch of you in your mutual silence. Your eyes were bright, with the sun making them dark, he could see how they lit up with curiosity and wonder. Your lips and nose were perfectly fitted to your face, making the balance of your features appear more heavenly than anything. It made you attractive, beautiful to everyone who came in contact with you. Your (h/c) hair complemented the tone of your skin and left him wanting to run his fingers through it. He recoiled internally at the thought. When would he ever think such a way towards someone lesser than him? 

Were you lesser than him? 

He stared at you in observation, an overwhelming sense consuming him. He could kill you easily, snap your neck and make your death seem like one of the families did it and start an all out war. You were so fragile despite your toned body from the obvious years of training. He could just reach over and make you implode from just one touch. 

So why didn’t he?

In this moment, against all his beliefs, he considered you his equal. He never considered anyone even remotely close to his realm of power and yet you existed. You showed no fear, you felt secure in yourself, and even being face to face with a morally flawed man, you looked at him with gentle eyes. 

He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, the silence falling over the both of you in a comforting blanket. 

In that moment he knew you held power over him, especially when you broke the silence first. 

“Is there something you need?”, your voice was soft, relaxed. Had you been anyone else, someone questioning his being in any location would have annoyed him but you asked in such a way that left him soaking in the echoes of your words.  

“I’m just passing by.”, he replied, wondering when did he ever answer anyone else’s questions when they’d ask? 

“Oh, I hope my training doesn’t stop you from getting where you need to be.”

His curiosity overcame him, making him wonder more about your family. He knew about the L/n clan's heir, young and beautiful, strong and intelligent, soft and gentle. It made her the perfect face for their house and a suitable bride. He’d heard of the Gojo, Zenin, and Kamo clans grooming their first sons to be suitable men to ask for her hand in marriage. 

A piece of him churned with an irritation at the thought of you being primed and groomed into marrying someone in an arranged marriage. 

“Not at all.”, he replied, his deep voice ringing in your ears. You've heard a lot of Ryomen Sukuna. Your clan elders mention his lack of empathy, his overwhelming power and how he easily could reach an unbeatable level of cursed energy that would make anyone think twice about crossing his path. Yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to think of him as scary or evil. There was curiosity in the way he held himself and how he had yet to retaliate against your question when everyone knew he hated being questioned. 

“You’re far from your clan lands”, he said flatly, his eyes focused on your form. 

“I can use my full potential here.”, you blinked. “It’s hard to push myself to the brink if I don’t have open space. At least here I can unleash everything and learn from my mistakes”, you clenched your hand, looking at the small burst of energy in your hand. 

The silence filled the air, once again leaving you in a strange tension you couldn’t quite place. His eyes stayed focused on you before he began to walk past you. His silence leaving you confused, unsure of why stop to talk to you then leave without another word. Then again, he wasn’t going to extend himself to something so minuscule, so mundane. 

He was far above that.  

Far above you. 

“Help me.”, you spoke, watching as he stopped in his tracks. 

What were you doing? Requesting someone like him to help someone as insignificant as you. 

You’d heard the stories, been told the horrors of his actions and wrath. Ryomen Sukuna was a selfish, greedy, immoral and sadistic man, he brought any competent sorcerer to their knees by simply occupying the space. He believed himself above absolutely everyone in every way and you knew that undeniable truth. You were risking your life speaking to him like he owed you something, asking for help from the devil was brainless even for you. 

He stared at you in indifference, taken by your confidence yet he couldn’t bring himself to be bothered by it. A part of him was intrigued by you, even though he hated helping others, he wasn’t necessarily a charitable man. No, he was far from it. The complete opposite of it in fact. He should blow your head off, snap your neck, make you kneel and beg for your life. 

Yet, he indulged. 

Just this once. 

You watched as he removed his robe, leaving him in a loose fitting shirt that showed his arms perfectly. They were muscular and defined, wielding such power that could easily kill someone in one touch. You wondered if he’d killed anyone with his bare hands without his abilities or cursed energy before. 

The small flicker of energy that manifested in his hand caught your attention, the manifestation growing in size at an alarming rate but took no toll on his psyche. The years of being gifted with such power and training laid off for him, though you knew he’d always been powerful in his own right. 

You watched intently, observing the cursed energy in his hand as you tried to copy the leisure in which he created his. The creation of energy was easy, it was making it compact with force that was difficult for you. You had great mental resilience and capacity for difficult challenges, yet when it came to finding the switch that could make your power compact you struggled slightly. 

In every other sense of your ability and cursed energy, you were gifted, it was creating a domain where you lacked. The long days and tumultuous nights of training and reading through scribed records only helped you make sense of a partial reason why you couldn’t manifest a domain, you just needed to actually focus on executing it flawlessly. 

“Domain Expansions aren’t easy to manifest.”, you narrowed your eyes slightly at his comment. Why was he trying to dumb it down for you when you knew he was known for manifesting energy at record breaking levels. 

“They’re easy enough for you.”, you muttered as his eyes slowly moved to look at you. 

“Do you want my help or not?”

“Right”, you focused on his words, listening to the instruction he gave, slowly manifesting the energy into your palms. 

He watched as you focused, eyes closed as you concentrated on his voice. It was interesting. Seeing as your energy formed in your hands, wondering how you had inherited such a powerful technique and you still struggled with your domain. He couldn’t help wondering why. It was difficult for most sorcerers to manifest a complete domain, but someone with an inherited ability like Eye of Aurora should have some level of giftedness that would allow you to start creating one. He watched your jaw clench as the energy dispersed in your hand, evaporating into nothing. 

You released a defeated sigh, letting your shoulders droop as you opened your eyes and staring at the ground in a defeated glare. 

“I don’t get it.”, you breathed. “I have this… special ability, a technique that so many sorcerers wish they could use and I can’t even create a damned domain.”

“You’re holding back”, his voice rumbled in his throat, the deep tone sending chills down your spine. Not of fear but of something unknown to you, a sensation that left your heart beating a bit faster than normal. 

“Okay”, you muttered. “So show me how to not hold back”

The temperature around you slowly grew, watching as he released an immense amount of energy, causing the trees in front of him to fall from the attack. Your eyes widened at the gaping emptiness he had just created. 

Woah.

You let out a shaky breath as you stared at him in a way you could only describe as a mix of shock and awe. The adrenaline burst through you as you channeled your energy, creating a mass in your hands before releasing it, causing a number of trees to fall from the impact. It wasn’t near the caliber of his release but it was still a good conjuring of cursed energy. You knew you’d never reach his level of power, but you felt proud that you could release something at that caliber. 

“Let go of that fear of being too unhinged. It’s what holds you back from mastering your domain.”, his voice was deep, your eyes glowing with pride as you felt the after effects of his release. “You can’t master your domain if you care too much about being perfect.”

“I’m not you.”, you answered.

“No one will ever be me.”, you rolled your eyes. You knew that, but you still wanted his help anyway. 

A small part of him grew irritated with your slight attitude at his words, but another part found it humorous. It wasn’t very often that a sorcerer at your level could make him find anything humorous. He cared very little, not at all actually, about something as irrelevant as humor or wittiness but coming from you, it made him think he could possibly entertain you for the time being. 

He wondered where you got such confidence to not only speak to him freely, but to assume he’d be willing to help you despite his power that was worlds above yours. It wasn’t often there were many humans or sorcerers who didn’t bow to his feet immediately after he became present. He was used to seeing people beg for mercy, used to the people who cried hysterically for him to spare them. He enjoyed the mental torture of never giving away if someone would be spared or not. 

So, when you called after him so boldly, against all logic, it intrigued him. He hasn’t been intrigued in a long time, not by a sorcerer in any way especially because he knew he was far above them in every regard. Though he still indulged in your boldness, your lack of fear, by the  motivation in your eyes and the drive in your stance. 

Before he could even stop himself, he made contact to engage and he believed it to be his biggest mistake. He should have never let you reel him in, never should have let you make him give his time when it was valuable, never should have found you worth the effort.

Then when he didn’t think he could find anything more appealing about you, you smiled at him. It was a warm, full smile. How could you give him a warm welcome when he’s done nothing deserving of it?

“Thanks for the help.”, you laughed, almost in disbelief. “I have to go.” 

He watched as you walked over to the mare grazing in the woods, removing the rope from the tree and petting her nose gently. He wondered then how you showed him the same gentleness as the creatures you cared for. His eyes darted away from you, letting himself sit with the realization that you didn’t see him as some godforsaken being.

“Come back tomorrow.”, he called as your head swiveled towards him, your bright eyes meeting his dark ones. “Before the sun reaches its peak.” 

With that he turned, leaving you in shock at his demand. 

The next day, you did as he had asked, you showed back up to the field ready to train with him. You sat in the grass watching your mare eat while you waited for him. It wasn’t too hot yet but again, it was too early for it to even be warm. 

The sound of cracking branches sounded behind you, making you turn slowly as you watched Sukuna’s form emerge from the trees. He stood tall in all his glory, wearing clothes that hung off his body in a way that almost made your face heat up. Even in his dark aura and the intensity of his energy, you couldn’t deny that Ryomen Sukuna was also an attractive man. If your father could hear the thoughts you were having, he’d surely punish you with more physical training. 

“Good morning.”, you said softly, his deep red eyes meeting yours but not saying anything as he walked closer to you. You either were too naive for your own good, or you genuinely didn’t realize just how out of turn you were being. Sukuna was known for not liking when people spoke to him out of turn, he hated small talk. He believed it to be useless, a waste of time, and of no benefit. You didn’t need to start with pleasantries but you did so anyway. 

“Show me your energy.”, he spoke deeply, his eyes boring into yours as you snapped to attention. You needed to focus, needed to take the most of this time while you could. Sukuna never offered any time of his to a regular person, let alone sorcerers beneath him, this was the only chance you had to gain real insight on how to create strong energy and create your domain. 

You manifested a ball of energy into your hands, its vibrant glow pulsing with your heartbeat. The energy crackled and shifted, reflecting your concentration and intent. Sukuna's gaze remained intense, unblinking, as he observed your creation with a mixture of interest and impatience.

"Is this all you can muster?" His voice was a low growl, almost mocking. "You think that will impress me?"

You felt a surge of determination, pushing deeper into your focus. The ball of energy began to expand, growing larger and more intense. You could feel the strain as you struggled to maintain control, your palms growing warm as the energy surged.

"Energy is more than just a display," Sukuna said, his tone suddenly softer, almost contemplative. "It’s about precision, purpose. Show me not just what you can create, but how well you can wield it."

You tightened your grip, trying to focus. The energy swirled and shifted, forming intricate patterns that mirrored your intent. The ball began to take shape, its structure becoming more complex, more refined. You could almost feel the boundaries of your energy beginning to take form, the energy coalescing into a stronger, more cohesive entity.

Sukuna’s eyes flickered with something akin to approval, though his expression remained impassive. "Better. But don’t think for a moment that you’ve reached the limit of what you can achieve. This is merely the beginning."

He moved towards you, his energy radiating off of him as you felt him consume yours, his body close as he looked at you. The obvious height difference made it seem like he was pitying you, but he seemed more interested in helping than anything else. His head lowered, meeting your eye line as he looked straight ahead, looking at the trees ahead of you. 

You took a deep breath, feeling the pressure of Sukuna’s proximity. His face was so close to yours that you could feel the warmth of his breath, mingling with the charged air around you. The energy you had summoned pulsed violently in response to the tension, making you sweat and your heart race.

Sukuna’s eyes bore into yours with a fierce intensity. “Let the energy reflect your resolve,” he demanded, his voice a commanding rumble. 

You focused on the ball of energy, feeling its weight and power. The intensity of Sukuna’s presence only made it harder to concentrate, as if the very air around you was charged with his overwhelming aura. You grit your teeth as you tried to calm your heart rate down, focusing on keeping the energy stable as you manifested it into something bigger.

“Are you letting your concentration waver?” Sukuna’s voice was almost a whisper now, his breath hot against your cheek. “You think you can achieve mastery with such weakness?”

Your fingers ached as you fought to maintain control. The ball of energy fluctuated, its glow flickering with your wavering focus. Sukuna’s proximity made it even harder to maintain your composure; the heat radiating from his presence was almost unbearable.

“Feel the energy,” he instructed, his tone full of challenge. “Channel your emotions, your fear, your determination. Let it all flow into your control.”

The heat from the energy was now almost unbearable, merging with the heat of Sukuna’s presence. Your hands were on fire, and the energy sphere seemed to pulse with a life of its own. With every breath you took, the tension grew, making your entire body quiver.

“You can do better,” Sukuna said, his voice dropping to a low murmur. “But you must push through the discomfort. It’s not just about controlling the energy—it’s about mastering your own limits.”

Your breath came in shallow, uneven gasps, but you forced yourself to focus. The energy within your hands began to stabilize, the chaotic flickers giving way to a steady, powerful glow. The sphere grew larger, its form more defined, as you channeled every ounce of your willpower into it.

Sukuna’s face remained close, his eyes never leaving yours. “You’re almost there,” he said deeply. “Show me that you’re more than just a fleeting display of power.”

The strain was immense, but you felt a surge of determination. With one final push, you stabilized the energy, making it surge with newfound strength and clarity. The heat from both the energy and Sukuna’s presence reached a peak before slowly subsiding, leaving you gasping but triumphant.

Sukuna stepped back, his gaze finally breaking from yours. “Not bad,” he conceded, a smirk playing on his lips. 

Sukuna’s gaze lingered on you with a cool, detached scrutiny. The intensity of his presence remained, but his demeanor was notably indifferent. The air between you was charged, the energy still crackling faintly as it dissipated, but Sukuna’s expression betrayed little of the effort you’d put forth.

“It’s enough for tonight,” Sukuna said flatly, his voice carrying an authoritative finality. He took a step back and broke the close proximity though his presence still loomed large. His tone was almost dismissive, as if your efforts were merely a minor inconvenience to him. “You’ve put in your time. Come back tomorrow if you think you can do better.”

You exhaled slowly, your body trembling slightly from the exertion and the intense atmosphere. The heat that had enveloped you gradually cooled, leaving a satisfying ache in its wake. The weight of his indifference stung more than any overt criticism. You felt a pang of frustration mixed with weariness. Despite the effort you’d expended, Sukuna’s gaze remained aloof, as if your struggle was inconsequential.

You nodded, feeling a mixture of relief and anticipation. “I’ll be here,” you said, your voice steady despite the exhaustion. 

Sukuna merely inclined his head in acknowledgment, his face expressionless. “Good,” he replied. Without another word, he turned on his heel and walked away, his footsteps echoing with a finality that left little room for interpretation. As he walked away, his imposing figure gradually disappearing into the shadows, you remained in place for a moment longer, your thoughts racing. 

You stood there for a moment, the weight of his detached dismissal settling over you. The path ahead was clear, but it felt colder and more daunting in the face of Sukuna’s lack of concern. Still, you gathered your resolve and made your way out, determined to return and prove yourself despite his apparent lack of interest.With a final glance at the space where Sukuna had been, you turned and made your way out of the training grounds, the weight of his words and the promise of future trials hanging heavily in the air. 

Tomorrow, you would return, ready to push your limits once again.

Two weeks later 

You went out into the woods, riding your mare as you tried to reach the field for your training with Sukuna. He’d helped you the past few weeks, showing you how to manifest your energy and create your domain. You’d been close to creating a full domain several times, he said you just needed to not hold back. You both figured out the reason you couldn’t create a domain was because a subconscious part of you made you hesitate, you wouldn’t allow yourself to reach your full potential. He’d slowly been showing you to let go and embrace your cursed energy fully. 

You hummed as you made your way down the small hill on the embedded path that led to the other side of the woods. Almost like a shot to the chest, you felt a chill run down your spine, an immense amount of cursed energy being aimed at you. Before you could react, you felt the sheer force collide into you and your mare, the loud groan escaping her as she collided with a tree. You were thrown completely off, your body slamming into the boulders on the ground, the feeling of blood running down the side of your head making you queasy. Your vision blurred slightly, you were disoriented. 

What the hell?

You saw the grueling sight of a disfigured wolf, its body three times the size of a normal one and it had six eyes, its mouth jagged and its teeth rotten as it laughed as it ate your mare. Your eyes widened at the sight, but you couldn’t focus on your now dead companion. You needed to exorcize it and get back home. You were still a mile from the fields, but you couldn’t get there in time, you needed to end this now. 

You forced yourself to your feet, the blood running over your eye as you tried to focus on the cursed spirit. You let yourself manifest your cursed energy quickly, focusing on the cursed wolf before aiming at its head, a loud cry escaping its monstrous mouth. The snarl escaped its throat as it ran at you, your body releasing more cursed energy at it and watching as you blew a hole into its shoulder. 

There needed to be a way to do this quickly, your body faltering at the dizziness in your head. You were losing too much blood but if you passed out you were as good as dead. You tried to focus, you couldn’t die here. You couldn’t die at the jaws of some mid grade curse. You were a L/n. You were above these types of curses. You were the gifted one, the heir of the L/n clan. The disgrace you’d bring onto your family if you were to die at this moment. 

Just then, the cursed wolf ran at you, channeling your energy and sending it full force, watching as it jumped over your attack and lunged at you. Your eyes widened as you jumped off to the side, your body rolling down the hill as it hit the bushes and shrubbery, surely gaining cuts and bruises from the foliage. 

Fuck!

You tried getting to your feet, pushing yourself up only to be tackled by the damned thing, your body collapsing and continuing to roll down the drop of the hill, reaching for some sort of branch to keep you from falling further down. 

The pain in your body overcame you, letting you slip into unconsciousness for a split second as you tried to regain your thoughts. The blurriness wouldn’t allow you to see your surroundings until the jaws of death snapped in your face, the momentum pushing you back. 

“Get off!”, you forced the creature off of you with a surge of energy, struggling to get to your feet as you sucked in a deep breath. You were in fight or flight, and right now flight did not seem like a viable option. 

The wicked snarl rang out again as the cursed wolf seemed to radiate unbelievable negative energy. It lunged at you, its teeth ready to rip you apart but before it could you felt a surge of power overwhelm the space, a loud high pitched cry escaping the throat of the creature. You let out a breath of air, turning to look at the blurry figure next to you, your breath uneven as another light manifested in a white, blinding power before completely evaporating into nothing.

Your breath was uneven, trying to calm yourself, but just as the spirit disappeared, your body collapsed to the ground as you slipped into unconsciousness. 

~~~~~~

The warm blankets around your body helped with the soreness that overcame you, your eyes still hazy from the slumber you were in. You moved your head slightly, your hair splayed around you in a halo as you tried to move your arms. You felt a presence next to you, trying to focus your sight as you blinked, taking in the comfort you felt from the figure. 

Sukuna…

“Don’t get up.”, his voice was deep, careful yet with command in its tone. 

“W..what happened?”, you whispered, your head turned in his direction as you met his gaze, the feeling of his fingers brushing your hair back bringing a warmth into your chest. “Where am I?”

“You’re in my home.”, he turned, motioning for a white haired woman to bring more water. “You lost some blood trying to fight that cursed spirit. I killed it.”

“Oh..”, the white haired woman came back with a small bowl and towel, bowing before leaving. You relaxed in his touch as he placed the wet towel on your head, helping clean the remains of the blood on your skin. 

“You need to rest.”, he said firmly.

“I need to get back home”, you looked at him with pleading eyes, not wanting your family to have a reason not to trust you being out on your own. You needed to get home soon, and fast. 

“You’ll pass out before you even reach your territory.”, Sukuna’s red eyes had a darkness to them, but you chose to ignore it, your mind everywhere and without a care of the extent of your injuries. You felt his hand wrap around your wrist, gentle to not burn your skin with the energy he had conjured up due to his irritation with your injuries. 

“Sukuna, my father will send scouts looking for me.”

“Fuck them.”, his tone was sharp, his energy slowly growing in size. Your pleading e/c eyes looking deep into his, a sharp sting of sympathy flooded his veins before he released the negative cursed energy. The crack in his armor miniscule yet it created waves of confusion in him. How could you make him slip in his position with just one look? 

He ignored the thought, narrowing his eyes before standing and walking to the small wooden dresser, picking up your clothes and placing them on the table next to his bed. You watched as he turned towards the door to give you privacy, his body dressed in his usual robe but you could still see the outline of his muscles and the massive power his body held. You couldn’t help but take a moment and admire his body. Your mind took in every inch of his being, allowing yourself to forget about his crimes and cruelty in order to study him. Were you fucked in the head? 

You snapped out of the hold his presence had on you, reaching for your clothes only to realize he’d had them cleaned. Was it that woman who cleaned them for you?

You changed, carefully and stood out of the bed, touching your head as you felt the fresh bandages wrapped around your forehead and temples. Pushing the sliding door open, you revealed him waiting for you, his tall statue leaning against the wall as his eyes skimmed over your body before pushing the glint in his eyes away. You both didn’t say a word, you just followed him as he walked out of his home.

He led you through the woods, ensuring you’d arrive to L/n House in one piece and conscious. When you were within range you turned to him, looking up to meet his gaze due to the obvious height difference. 

“Thank you.”, was all you said before turning, walking the last half mile home, feeling his eyes on your back as you followed the path. It was only when you reached the entrance of your home did you feel his energy disappear and your shoulders slumped in disappointment. 

You slowly pushed the door open, closing it softly behind you when the echo of your father’s voice rang through the room.

“Y/n, it’s late, where have you been?”, your father called from the other room, your mother rushing towards you before a loud gasp escaped her mouth. 

“Y/n! What happened to your head?”, her question made your father rush into the room, his eyes filled with shock and disbelief.

“Where have you been? How did this happen?!”, his tone was heavy, it wasn’t worry but anger and you knew he was more annoyed by your injury than worried about it. “You can’t possibly be getting this from your special ability?”

You could read in between the lines of his words. He wasn’t worried you were hurt, he was annoyed by you being injured at the effects of your domain and special technique. He was annoyed that he would have to face scrutiny for not being able to master your ability and domain, thus leaving him with a weaker claim to the family honor than he originally thought. He already hated that you were what the gods had given him to carry the family name, you being weak was just another hit at his pride. Regardless of how the realm saw you, regardless of how you were loved and respected, to him you’d always be the reason he didn’t have a high claim like the other families of the Four did. 

“Do you really believe I’m so weak I can’t control my own technique?”, you stared at him in disbelief, in hurt. “Do you think so little of me?”

“You are the heir to our family name! If you can’t control your technique then what have I spent the past 20 years of my life doing?!”, his voice was filled with conviction, the anger bursting through each word. “We already have a weaker claim to our position in the realm because you were born as a daughter instead of a son and now you show up like this? We need you to be strong, intelligent, and better than those other boys, and you still show me more reasons why you should have never inherited the Eye of Aurora.”

You felt your lips quiver slightly, the lump in your throat growing as you tried to stop yourself from cursing your father. You knew he’d always hated that you weren’t born his son, but you believed if you proved him wrong he’d have no choice but to find pride in you and your power to succeed the L/n name. You couldn’t take his unrealistic standard of you anymore, you just couldn’t. 

“I am not here to fix your broken ego or make your insecurities better.”, you growled at him. “I am your only heir, I am the inheritor of the Eye of Aurora, and I am the reason our family has a place in the Four families! Me! I’m the one who’s loved and adored by the other families and villages. I am the one they seek to protect, the one they seek to continue in this time of peace without war. When I was born, so was our legacy. You have done nothing to solidify our claim to the realm but I have!”

The anger boiling inside your father was overwhelming, your frustration with him was a disgrace but you couldn’t take it anymore. You were tired of being seen as some weak woman by him, as some sort of disappointment when you were the greatest thing that had happened to the realm in decades. The Eye of Aurora was seen as one of the highest of abilities, that of nobility. Your insolent father was too obsessed with power and reputation to care that you were the successor of a noble jujutsu bloodline. 

“You are nothing without our family name. You need to get your technique under control or so help me. I'll have the old sorcerers from the Zen’in clan exorcize it out of you and let your body rot without your ancestors to guide you!!”, his voice echoed through the halls. 

You sensed an overwhelming power, sucking in a breath before releasing your own. A pang of shock at its sudden appearance before relaxing. The energy had disappeared. 

“It wasn’t even my ability that did this! I got attacked by a cursed wolf in the woods!”, you spat back at him. 

“And you didn’t think to send a signal for help or try to use your technique?!”

“I was getting attacked from every blind spot I had! It killed my mare, it jumped me from behind, I didn't even sense the energy before it was too late!”

“Great so now you can’t sense cursed energy. You really are just a sorry excuse of an heir, a defective worthless waste of potential!”

The dagger twisted deeper into your chest at his words. Why couldn’t he understand? Why was he so selfish, insolent, and greedy? 

“You’re the heir to our family bloodline and you almost get killed. It would be better off that way.”, he turned to walk out of the room, with your mother closely behind him. You pitied her lack of backbone, lack of support towards you.

“I was fine!”, you snapped. “Sukuna helped me exorcize it, I didn’t need help from anyone else!”

A cold sensation filled the room, realizing your words as you said them. Your eyes meeting your father’s as he turned towards you. His eyes filled with a shock and disgust that left you feeling sick to your stomach. 

“What…. Did you just say?” his voice sent a chill down your spine. “Did you say… Ryomen Sukuna… helped you?”

“I-“, a loud slap echoed through the air, your head snapping to the side from the impact. Your eyes wide in disbelief as the burning in your cheek exploded through your face. It felt like time stopped, the whiplash of the hit burning a hole in your chest. 

“You were with that monster?!”, his booming voice filled the house, his cursed energy radiating off of him in waves. “What do you think you’re doing with that thing? He could have killed you! He’s a sadistic monster!” 

You remained silent as you felt the anger fill the room, hearing your mothers gasp at your father’s words. The trembling of your lip almost broke you, your chest burning in anger, hurt, and sadness. 

“You are not to go out to the fields again. You stay within L/n house and your training will be overseen by the elders.”, your face stayed angled down to the ground, your heart racing in your chest as your father made the final blow. 

“Now you sympathize with a monster. You really are a defective disgrace.” 

[sunny44]

Surprise

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x mom!wife! Reader

Warnings: just fluff

Summary: Surprising Lewis with little Hamilton’s first time in the paddock.

Lewis and I met in Spain when we were on vacation.

I was on vacation from my job and he was on summer break and by some kind of miracle we met in a bar.

I was alone drinking while my friends were dancing, I was excited that we were going to go out until minutes before my ex-boyfriend had the courage to send me an invitation to his wedding with the woman he cheated on me with.

My mother had sent me a message warning me because the address he knew was the address of my parents' house.

So this let me down completely.

Not that I was still in love with that idiot, far from it, but the fact that he had the courage to invite me made me realize that I have spent three years of my life with that person who didn't even deserve one month of my time.

And that's when Lewis showed up, I guess the fact that he found a sad woman in a bar, drinking alone on a Friday night caught his attention.

That's when we started talking and I as a person completely uninterested in any kind of sport didn’t knew who he was, in fact I only found out months later that we were already talking.

He didn't hide who he was, in fact he told me both his name and what he did, but he didn't specify that he was a formula 1 driver and that he was one of the best ones that existed.

We exchanged numbers and talked for months until he was in England for a race and invited me to go, this was when I fell in love with the sport but also where I realized how much damage it would do to my life just to be seen with him.

People found my social medias which at the time were bombarded with horrible comments about me and my appearance and that it was impossible for him to be with a person like me.

It was then where I became terrified and distanced myself a bit from him because of this. After much insistence he managed to convince me to go out to dinner with him.

That same night he was honest with me, that if we decided to try to have a relationship unfortunately it would be like that, people hating me without even knowing me and telling lies about me.

In other circumstances I would have walked away because this life of being known was not for me, I liked being unknown to the public eye and that the amount of people who would judge me would be less than being the girlfriend of the most famous Formula One driver.

But I knew that if I didn't take the risk I would miss out on one of the best things that would happen in my life, and now I'm sure I would have regretted it.

Lewis and I have been together for 5 years now, and every day I realize how much in love with him I am.

The first years of our relationship were very hectic, the weeks away for races and events, the thousands of messages exchanged during the day and FaceTime calls at night, and those were also the most complicated years of the relationship.

It was like a test, a test to know if the relationship would survive the thousands of lies about betrayal from both parts, the manipulated photos to look like things that weren’t true, the nights of crying and tears for not knowing what to believe even though we were absolutely sure that everything was just a big lie.

I'm sure these years were essential for both of us to learn to trust each other.

——————

It was the weekend of the Silverstone GP and I had lied to Lewis that I couldn't go because I had a lot of work to do, but in fact here was Luke and I in the car heading to the track.

Lucas Hamilton was our 3 year old son. This would be his father's first race that he would be watching straight from the garage.

When we found out that I was pregnant, we agreed that above all, Luke would be preserved from the toxicity of the internet. His fans knew that he existed and also knew his name because when he was born we thought it was only fair that the fans knew about him from us and not from the paparazzi, but they had never seen more than a small body in the pictures we posted.

Lewis had already shown interest in taking the little one to watch him race but I still didn't feel comfortable about showing him to the world, but I knew how much he wanted me to go this weekend and I also knew how upset he was that I couldn't go.

So nothing better than to surprise him with our presence plus Luke's first time.

Toto had helped me with the plan, sent me the paddock passes and let the security guards know that I would be here.

I got out of the car, I put the paddock passes on mine and Luke’s neck and carefully pulled him out of the car.

"Where's daddy?" He asks as soon as I lock the car and we start walking towards the paddock.

"We're going to go see him now okay?" He agrees and takes my hand again as soon as we enter the paddock

As soon as they recognized me the cameras all turned to me and with Lewis Hamilton's faceless son along it was as if the photographers multiplied.

As we were getting close to the garage, Lewis was coming out of it with Roscoe along with him and as soon as Luke saw him he let go of my hand and came out screaming.

"Daddy." Lewis recognized that little voice on and he opened the most beautiful smile as soon as he saw his son running up to him, even Roscoe started barking.

"Hey buddy." He bent down and picked him up on his hip. "What are you doing here?"

"Me and mommy came to see you." He says excitedly and soon he sees me. "I missed you daddy."

"I missed you too buddy." Just then the three of them come toward me. "You said you were going to work."

"I lied, I wanted to surprise you."

"You sure surprised me." He gives me a kiss.

"It's bad to lie mommy."

"It really is, isn’t." Lewis says in a teasing tone. "We're going to have to ground Mommy."

"That's right."

"Are you taking your father's side?" He agrees.

Luke was definitely a daddy's boy, besides being an exact copy of Lewis, even more now that he’s bigger, the only thing that’s the same as me is the eyes, Lewis has dark eyes and mine’s are green.

"Daddy can I sit in your car?"

"Of course you can, let’s ask uncle Toto to give you some gloves too, come on."

We pulled into the garage where Lewis put Luke into the car, after we were together for a while Lewis had to go because the race was going to start and when he won we ran to the front of the podium where as soon as he jump out of the car he came running over to where we were.

And I could have sworn that this race was the most special one for him.

Bonus scene!

Y/nhamilton instagram post

Liked by @lewishamilton, @anthonyhamilton, @mercedesf1, @sebastianvettel and others 91939

Y/nhamilton The best Weekend we had in a long time. Me and Luke had the best time here in Silverstone and there’s nothing better than an F1 race, specially when daddy win the race.

Thanks to everyone that came to support my husband, Lewis and our family really appreciate the love.

Tagged: @lewishamilton

LewisHamilton thanks for everything, you are the best mama and I’m so lucky to have you. Thanks for bringing our baby boy to the race.

Y/nhamilton we love you so much

Sebastianvettel so nice to see the two of you this weekend, beautiful family

Y/nhamilton thank you Seb, we have to plan a meeting with the kids

Yourmom miss you guys so much, the three of you have to come visit. He also looks a lot like Lewis.

Liked by LewisHamilton and y/nhamilton

[tripleglitchwriting]

Kinesthesis 3

Jazz/Prowl/HumanReader first contact AU

Part 2

I am so sorry this took so long 😭 but I finally got something out! This was written over the course of multiple months so if it’s inconsistent that’s why. Over my impromptu hiatus I’ve grown as a writer and as a person so that will probably change the way this story goes, but not to worry! I still plan on carrying on with this fic.

Be aware that I may not remember things about that last two chapters before this because it’s been a while. If you find any mistakes, let me know!

Also, thank you to the anons that encouraged me to keep going! This one goes out to you.

So, now you have quite a few problems. Not only were the ‘robots’ alive, they were also obviously damaged and asking for your help. Your help. Of all people. You still didn’t know where they came from, if someone was piloting them, how they got here, what that blue liquid was, or why one of them only made weird metallic scratching sounds. That one in particular really freaked you out when it first started ‘speaking’. At the time, you immediately assumed there was a metal demon somewhere coming to eat you.

Instead of that, they were just giant robots asking for your help in the middle of asscrack nowhere. Very simple. Foolproof, even. Nothing wrong there.

“I’m… going to get to work.” You told the one apparently named ‘Prowl’. He didn’t make any sputtering noises at you this time, so you took that as your go-ahead.

He was huge. Well, you knew that, but it was still jarring. You had to literally climb him to get to his wounds. Delicately placing your rag to the injured spot on his neck, you could feel the pump of something akin to a heart under the metal. Now that was weird. Wait, maybe it was just a fuel pump of somesort. He couldn’t… it couldn't have an actual heartbeat, right? Robots don’t have heartbeats.

That isn’t possible.

After a bit of cleaning up blue liquid and trying not to cut yourself on shards of metal, a realization dawned on you. These guys were more complicated than you thought. Really, a robot shouldn’t have this much… everything. They shouldn’t have half of whatever parts are in them. What kind of coding was driving them anyway? What fuel did they even use? The blue stuff?

Oh, who are you kidding. They aren’t robots. They can’t be. They can’t just be robots. They fell from the sky, of course they can’t be robots! Your heart picked up its already erratic pace, yet even with shaky hands, your work took priority.

Soon after there wasn’t a hole in Prowl anymore. Not one on his neck, anyway. You counted that as a win. But seeing as there were way more lacerations, dents, and cuts all over both of them, you definitely had the rest of your work cut out for you.

Simple. Foolproof, even. Nothing wrong there.

—---------------------

Jazz, with his sight still mostly busted, anxiously awaited some sort of indicator that the person helping them was actually patching up Prowl. They seemed pretty stunned earlier. Scared. He had assumed they’d run away and get help. That would be a more reasonable reaction, right?

Obviously it was probably better that they didn’t, this was a completely new planet after all. They’d be scrap if it weren’t for this random person helping them out. This person that is native to this new planet. With… no knowledge of Cybertronian biology- oh scrap. This person had no idea what they were doing!

“W – it! Wa– a - i!” Staticy, barely understandable garble came out of his vocalizer. He heard a tiny peep out of the little guy and a kind of ‘hrmph’ from Prowl.

“What? What is it? Did I do something wrong?” They squeaked in a comically high-pitch tone. “I- I’m sorry, I- know mechanics but this is kind of different and I don’t want to hurt anybody I just-”

“Y- yo- u kno- me- c– nics?”

“Um, yeah, it’s what I do. For school.”

“S- – -ry f’r t--e frig–t, I’m j-st co– m– in’ to–my–sen s- s- ses, an’ rel-i’ed wher– we ar’... an’ I don’ kn- kn- kn- – -w… ca—n– ya- re- – -y fi- x us?”

“O- oh, n- now yo- -y questi- on it?” Prowl commented from the sidelines. Jazz deliberately ignored him.

“I mean, I can, I just need some time to figure everything out… i- it doesn’t hurt, does it?”

“W- Wha-t’s’t sayi- in- ing?”

“A- askin’ i- if it- it- it- hu- – -ts.”

“O- of co- rs’ it h-urts!”

“Wait, what’s he saying?”

Jazz cringed for a moment, realizing just how taxing it’s going to be on him to keep translating. Of course, he decided to use it to his advantage. Why not have some fun in the face of certain death?

“H- he s’ys h’s t—ckl’sh.”

“Oh, um, okay. Does that mean you guys can’t feel pain? Like, can I go harder with this? I have some power tools I can use back in—” Okay. Bad plan.

“N- N- N-O we C- – -N Fe’L It!”

“Oh, um, can or can’t?”

“C- C- C- C- CAAIIIEEEZZZZzzzt!” His vocalizer gave off a pointedly unpleasant sound just before shorting out.

“Is that… should I know what that means?” Jazz took a second to reset his vocalizer.

“N- n- n- o… b- b’t w– fe’l pa’n… i–t h- – -rts…”

“Can feel pain, got it. Um, is your voice okay? I can try fixing it… if that’s a thing I can fix…?” As much as he appreciated the gesture, Jazz wasn’t ready for that kind of operation.

“N- n - o thn’ks.”

“Alright… I’m gonna keep going here then.”

It was then, nearly offline, cut off from most forms of communication, on a completely alien planet, that Jazz realized this might be a little bit too much to handle.

“Y- y- you—re an ‘di—ot.”

“M- ay’e… bu— ‘least I c’n t- t- ta-k to ou- fr’nd ‘ere.”

“It’s Wh—lja’k, o- of c-cou’se I d- di—-nnooowoowOWW!” Jazz heard a loud crash followed by a tiny scream.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry, what did I do? I- I didn’t know, oh my god…”

“Wh—t? —at ‘appe— d?!”

“I- I’m sorry, I think I hit something, I’m so sorry!”

“Pr—ler? P—owl!?”

He got a groan in response. A groan and a new, distinct, clear sound.

“—bbzzzt —- bzzzt ——tobots! This is Optim— —ime. If yo- can hear thi-, heed my call. The Arc is inoperable. Most of you are scattered across an alien world. While I do not know where the Decepticons have landed, I can confirm they are on the planet with us. Do not lose hope here, my friends. For the fate of Cybertron and the remaining Autobots rests in your capable servos. Attached to this message are the coordinates to the Arc, I will be waiting for you there. Good luck—- bzzzt —— bzzzt—-!”

The three sat in silence. While he couldn’t see the hologram that was most likely coming from Prowl’s projector, he heard what the message contained. They were safe. Optimus was safe. And he once again had a goal to achieve.

“Wh- what the hell was that!?”

“Th’nk Pri—us…” Prowl whispered.

“It -as… a- a- f- fri—nd.”

“Oh, okay. What did your friend say?”

“Th— w- we ha— so—me-here t- be.” Jazz attempted to move his body, but was once again denied. “W- we n- n- ne—d to g—-!”

“Hey, woah woah woah! You are not well enough to get up yet! I haven’t even started patching you up!”

“Aau—augh! I- I- kn— Ratc— uh, I- I- I kno—“

“Settle down. I- I’ll be as fast as I can, alright?”

Jazz huffed in halfhearted agreement. Prowl, on the other hand…

—---------------------

He thought this was an incredible waste of their time. Oh, sure, he needed to be fixed, but he was doing just fine now and he did not need help from a mysterious stranger he couldn’t understand. How could he, Prowl of Petrex, need the help of a tiny little creature like this one? There was no such need. The only need he had was to get himself and Jazz functional again, report back to Optimus, and win the war.

He tried to get up. After about half a second of metal creaking, unconscious groaning, and a little squeak from his benefactor, his body gave out. His spark burned with a searing mixture of frustration and stress as he tried to clench a servo. But of course he couldn’t. Of course he was stuck. Injured, vulnerable, and useless. But still, Optimus needed him. Needed them. So he needed to get up!

“C- cal- m d- do— n Pr—‘er… ye’ sca- a- rin’ ‘em…” He could hear panicked chittering from somewhere on top of him. He had half a mind to shoo the thing away, but even if he could raise his servo, he knew this was his only hope. He would never admit that, obviously, but deep in his spark he knew.

He didn’t respond to Jazz. He didn’t need to. He just focused on the little twinge of pain somewhere atop his chassis and a wound being sealed. A familiar feeling. Not too familiar, not like this, but enough to be comforting.

He imagined the medbay in the Arc. That time when they defeated the enemy and no one had to die. They won, and everyone cheered and celebrated and did whatever people do to express joy during a war.

He was unconscious for cycles. Just because nobody died doesn’t mean nobody was hurt. And he was really, really hurt. But it didn’t matter, not even to him. Moments like that are rare, after all. When one could rejoice without mourning the loss of a friend. He’d only expected Ratchet or First Aid to stay with him during that time. Who wouldn’t want to celebrate the spoils of victory? No one is willing to give up a moment of solace like that. No one is stupid enough to pass up the opportunity for happiness. Except Jazz.

Jazz stayed with him the whole time. He stayed by his bedside, refusing to leave once the required surgery was over. He brought glasses of energon for both of them. To share.

Prowl didn’t wake up then. He missed the party and the congratulations and the relief. He missed Jazz telling him stories and about his day. He missed when the rest of the crew stopped by to check on him. When he did finally come out of stasis, Jazz wasn’t there. Not of his own volition, but because he passed out on the floor due to exhaustion. They both got a long lecture about taking care of themself from Ratchet when it was over.

And Jazz is there, now, still with him. Bleeding out and broken, but still there. And Prowl was powerless to help him. His HUD sang one final message in his head before it went suddenly silent, and he fell helplessly into the deep abyss of stasis.

[yunazxxx]

BABY WHILE WE’RE YOUNG —

lara rajagoplan x daniela avanzini

this content contains the following : fluff, kinda loser daniela, established relationship (more of a situationship but gfs nonetheless), daniela’s kinda shy in this, cursing in some parts, etc maybe???

author chats? : this was sitting in my drafts for a while.. but i only posted it for someone but i also wanted everyone to be able to read this and yeah! enjoy this random lariela valentines day coded fic <3 — dont mind if the story is literal ASS i havent wrote in so long and i just remembered i had this to finish so ..

word count ? : 1.2k

—

the moonlight filled the sky along with the stars, above a random shopping center in the main city. inside of the store you would see a blonde woman who was busy inside of a certain section.

she had been there for at least an hour now, worried if she could make this perfect for her “friend” but at the same time scared that she’d completely screw it up.

actually, denial was the only thing on her mind. she was worried she’d mess it up so bad and the girl would tell her no, daniela knew her for years at this point.

she knew everything that lara liked, everything she ever wanted but was still scared she’d mess something up, somehow.

just the previous night, they were cuddled up and kissing on each other but lara had left early that morning to record, basically she’d be busy all day which left daniela alone with her thoughts.

she laid in bed contemplating whether she should ask her to be her valentine, or not. you see, she’d always second guess herself or her anxiety gets really bad when she does ask.

and there’s times she’d just text it instead of saying it to lara’s face, but majority of it would be exactly to her face. now she’s found herself in a overly crowded shopping center, buying things for the same woman who she’s been trying to ask out since the start of the month.

it was the 6th, she had time to wait and you know, get herself together but she wanted to already have it before someone else ran to ask her.

they’re relationship was also, really complicated. they were together, but not together. its really childish, they know but they have their reasons on why they aren’t exactly “official” but neither of them really care for labels.

but here she was, again standing in another section, staring into the souls of one of the teddy bears, questioning whether she get that or something she knew in her heart lara would actually love.

she went with what she knew though, with her heart. she got everything she knew the red haired woman would love before buying it, she was walking out of the store when her phone began to ring.

it was lara, she answered the call and continued to walk. daniela found out that lara was already home and was preparing their plans for the night before daniela told her to stop.

“why’d you say not to? did you get called in today?” lara asked, her voice more questioning and almost angry? daniela took a breath before just explaining, “no but i have a different idea”

daniela kind of lied and said that she’d get lara when it was time, and told her some little white lie that they’d be going out with friends and lara agreed.

see, it was all innocent intentions. daniela knew how stressed lara had been recently, and she had been talking about scheduling an outing with their friends so they all could destress but that wasn't what was actually gonna happen.

daniela sped to her home and began decorating, of course it was normal for boyfriends/gilfriends to hire a decorator for these kinds of events or you know, whatever but daniela wanted to do this herself because she wanted to make it more special.

daniela got all of lara's favorite colors and began putting together the basket and everything she prepared for her. she lined the lights up and even lit candles, getting lara's favorite scents too. daniela wrapped the basket up after and once she made sure everything was how she wanted it, she left to pick up lara.

while daniela drove to lara's place, the redhead was texting asking the dress code but daniela simply said "come as you are" and lara did. she was only deressed in her sweats and a random hoodie daniela had left over that still smelled like the blonde.

once daniela pulled up, lara was outside and made her way to the car. daniela opened the door for her and greeted her girlfriend with a sweet kiss and a hug.

lara was still under the impression that they were hanging out with friends so she was prepared for any shenanigans that the rest of the friend group might be on for the night.

that was until they pulled up to daniela’s house, but the blonde said she had to get something but asked lara to follow her in.

daniela more so ran into the house and did one last check around before the redhead made it to the threshold, where she read the words that were plastered on the living room wall.

“will you be my valentine?” and there was a little arrow that pointed towards daniela holding the basket with a smile on her face.

lara’s hands covered her mouth while her heart began pounding, almost beating against her chest like it wanted to break out.

daniela, on the other hand, was nervous to say the least. she was shaking while lara walked up to her, the redheads soft lips came into contact with hers before she whispered “yes” against daniela’s neck.

the blonde woman couldn’t contain her happiness and just hugged the redhead, kissing her again. lara’s mind was blown, but then she remembered why they were even here.

“i thought we were-“ but daniela cut her off “no, that wasn’t actually happening, you see..” and daniela explained the situation. lara just smiled as daniela spoke, admiring the latina woman while she spoke.

“i love you” lara said, her voice was low but daniela caught it, “i love you too” after a little while daniela asked, “wanna know whats in the basket?”

and of course, lara nodded, which daniela began to show her and explaining the literal hell she put herself through just picking one item alone but it was a huge basket filled with different things she knew lara liked.

lara was obviously grateful for this and looked daniela in her eyes while she spoke, “but you know what i would’ve loved so much more?”

and daniela just looked at her, it wasn’t like she didn’t know but she wanted her to say it. “just you, and a day, i love all of this, so much but you didn’t have to decorate and stress yourself so much baby”

lara was really worried about daniela because she knew she was hella nervous during this but the blonde shook her head. “nono because the nights not over yet, come up” and she took lara’s hand taking her upstairs.

“follow the roses” lara read off a sign that daniela hand-made. the indian woman obviously followed it, looking at the ground seeing the roses and it led up to daniela’s room, where she had almost everything they had been speaking about for the last two weeks easy.

lara had always wanted to match outfits and off color each others clothes so daniela got outfits so they could wear them on valentines day.

lara looked around for the latina before she came out with a huge smile, hugging the indian woman and pushing her on the bed. they both were just a giggling mess before the giggles turned into a kiss and overtime it just led to the pure silence of the house, small noise coming from daniela’s speaker while she and lara cuddled for the remainder of the night.

—

[whatatime2balive]

It's (Not) My Right To Be Hellish

Pairing: Caitlyn x Vi

(A/n: I made this fic last night and completely forgot to post it to my tumblr account. I will post the ao3 link right after this.  I found out that the creator of Arcane had a headcanon that Vi had a prison wife and I was like "what if I used that in a fic to cause problems!" Alright, so this essentially takes place after the battle act 2 in season 2. We're just pretending that some random magical occurrence stopped the fight early and both sides had to retreat with minimal casualties. Also this is post heartbreaking apology from Caitlyn so her and Vi are friends again. I have not seen act 3 yet so this is all merely under the assumption of everything I know now. Anyways, I love jealousy fics so please enjoy and let me know what you think!)

Vi feels dead on her feet, which is a rather common occurrence these days. As she walked alongside Caitlyn and Maddie, she began replaying the past few weeks in her head as she usually does no matter how hard she tries to ignore it. The battle against Ambessa ended before it even really began. After Isha shot that gun into the air, a massive earthquake broke out which completely destabilized the surface everyone was standing on. It didn't matter what side you were fighting for, everyone immediately fled to get to safety. Honestly, Vi thinks it's a blessing in disguise.

Vander's condition is still up in the air, but they're holding out hope he will pull through. Isha was badly injured from the blast, but they managed to get her to a hospital before the kid went beyond the point of no return. Poor girl can't stay conscious for more than ten minutes, but she's stable and the doctors said she will only improve from here. Jinx hasn't left Isha's side once since she was hospitalized.

And Jinx, well, it's so beyond complicated. As of right now, her and Caitlyn managed to find it in themselves to call a truce until Ambessa is no longer a threat. They're civil for now, so Vi's content.

The only thing that's significantly changed for the better is Vi's relationship with Caitlyn. After everyone fell back, Caitlyn pretty much broke down and apologized so many times that Vi lost track. Vi was hesitant to put any trust in her, even after the battle against Ambessa. It was more of a temporary team up than anything in her eyes.

But Caitlyn sure as hell made it her mission to prove herself. She's already jumping in and allocating resources back to Zaun to improve their quality of life even though it's only been three weeks since the battle. Seeing how invested Caitlyn is in helping the lives of the citizens in Zaun made Vi open up back up to her and before she knew it, it was like no time had passed at all between them. They were friends again.

The problem is that friends are all they would ever be.

Once the two girls reconciled, Caitlyn told Vi that her and Maddie slept together a couple of times in those four months they weren't on speaking terms. It's like someone took a knife to the Zaunite's chest and tore it open. That was Caitlyn's polite way of saying the kiss she shared with Vi was a one off thing that wouldn't happen again.

The minute Caitlyn finished telling her about the situation with Maddie, Vi had immediately cut her off and said that was perfectly fine. She physically did not think she could stand hearing a verbal rejection from Caitlyn, so Vi merely insisted it was no big issue and changed the subject. Vi can't even blame Maddie, who wouldn't fall in love with Caitlyn?

Even after everything that happened between them, the brawler is still a pathetic lovesick fool over that damn sharpshooter. But now that Caitlyn sincerely apologized and is actively righting her wrongs? Damn, Vi really wants to make out with her.

Yet, she can't. Maddie is the one dating Caitlyn, not Vi.

Vi can't even find it in herself to hate Maddie. As a matter of fact, she became rather fast friends with the shorter woman. Maddie's a sweet girl that's been pushing for peace since the first day she clocked in as an enforcer. She doesn't judge Vi for her past in Stillwater like many other enforcers do and she makes great company since Caitlyn's spent most of her time drowning in work as of late.

At the end of the day, it was probably for the best. Maddie's the kind of girl that can hang on Caitlyn's arm without people watching them in disdain. Since Vi gets more and more pathetic by the day, she will take any small morsels of friendship Caitlyn will offer her.

Even if it hurts, Vi really is just grateful to have that damn unhinged mongoose in her life. Just being friends would be enough. It had to be. Though it certainly doesn't help that Vi essentially moved in with Caitlyn until she can find a place of her own. It doesn't seem to bother Maddie, so Vi's been trying to keep an appropriate distance between herself and the Piltover girl.

Life isn't perfect. Far from it. But Vi has hope now. That is so much more than she could have said one month ago.

Today was beyond draining. She's so fucking exhausted, it was probably a mistake to agree to going out tonight. But, well, Maddie insisted that the two of them along with Caitlyn should get a couple drinks at a nice bar to take a bit of the edge off. Vi's pretty sure there's not enough alcohol in all of Piltover to get all her edges off, but she supposed relaxing even a little bit is progress.

So here Vi is, walking at Caitlyn's right while Maddie is strolling on the tall woman's left as they venture to the bar Vi can't even remember the name of. Vi was snapped out of her inner musings when Maddie lightly tapped her on the shoulder.

"Earth to Vi? You in there?" Maddie softly asked.

"Yeah, sorry, I totally zoned out for a hot minute. What were you saying?" Vi asked apologetically.

"I was saying how excited I am to take a breather. It feels like everything around us has only been getting more and more stressful. A chance to unwind is going to do us all some good," Maddie confidently told her.

"Especially you, Vi. Every time I see you, your brows are furrowed," Caitlyn giggled.

To prove her point, Caitlyn lightly dragged her finger against the middle of Vi's brows to smooth out the creases. Vi didn't even know she was furrowing her brows at all. Caitlyn gently stroked the spot a couple more times and Vi could already feel herself start to lean into the touch. How the hell is she so pathetic that the smallest form of physical contact makes her melt?

"What can I say Cup- oh shit I'm dying," Vi hastily blurted out while pretending to cough.

Calling Caitlyn cupcake is a habit Vi is trying really hard to break. She's seen Maddie look upset a couple times when Vi uses the nickname, so out of respect for their relationship, she's been trying to stop. Vi totally gets it. She knows if she were Caitlyn's girlfriend, another girl giving her some cutesy nickname would piss Vi off to no end.

"You alright Vi?" Maddie frowned.

"Yeah, managed to choke on air somehow. I'm just special that way," Vi lied.

At least she caught herself before saying the full nickname. Vi was about to say something else when a feminine voice behind them started to speak.

"Well I'll be damned. If it isn't inmate 516, roaming free once more," the soft voice laughed.

With absolutely zero hesitation, Vi grabbed the shirts of the two enforcers and dragged them into the alleyway that was conveniently right next to them.

"Get your guns out now," Vi hissed.

Caitlyn already had her rifle pointed before Vi could even finish the sentence. Maddie took a split second before following her boss's lead.

"Who on Earth is that?" Maddie whispered quietly.

"Admittedly, I don't know. But they called me by my prison number and everyone in Stillwater absolutely despised me. Not to mention the fact that anyone who's ever known me has tried beating my ass at least once. Better not chance it," Vi whispered back.

"Oh c'mon Babe, do you really not recognize me? I'm hurt, truly," the voice giggled.

Vi's eyes widened and she stepped out of the alleyway, ignoring both Caitlyn and Maddie's protests. Only one woman has ever called her babe.

"Holy shit. Sarah?" Vi asked with wide eyes.

The figure right before her is wearing a cloak covering her face. Then she pulled it back to confirm Vi's suspicions. Standing right in front of her is Miss Sarah Fortune in the flesh.

"Miss me Babe? I know I missed you," Sarah grinned with open arms.

Vi laughed in pure disbelief and rushed into the other woman's arms. Sarah immediately wrapped her arms around the shorter woman and pulled her in even closer. Vi genuinely can't believe it. After all these years, here she stands, alive and well. Oh, what a relief.

"Of course I missed you. I'm honestly surprised you didn't get your ass thrown back into Stillwater," Vi cackled, holding onto her even tighter.

Sarah looks like she always did, but now she's so much more alive than Vi has ever seen in Stillwater. Obviously, prison tends to dull the average person's inner light and everything, but Sarah very clearly is thriving post imprisonment. Her ginger hair has a shine now that it didn't before, those bright blue eyes held much more wonder, and her lightly tanned skin is much softer than it used to be. Being a free woman suits her well.

"Clearly, our guns are unnecessary in this particular scenario. Who's your friend Vi?" Maddie asked while lowering her gun.

"Yes. Tell us, Vi. Who is your friend?" Caitlyn asked with narrowed eyes.

The way she said friend kind of sounds like the way most people would say disease. She didn't even lower her gun yet. That girl really needs a drink.

"Huh. Never thought you of all people would be rolling with enforcers," Sarah said, still locking Vi in an embrace.

Right, the other two girls are still in uniform. She can understand why Sarah would be weary.

"Ah, well Maddie, Caitlyn, this is Sarah. Sarah, Caitlyn and Maddie. It's a long story, but you can trust them. Maddie's never given me any shit for my past in Stillwater and Caitlyn's the one who actually got me released," Vi explained.

At this point, Sarah unwound herself from the hug. Then, to Vi's immense surprise, she held her hand out to Caitlyn.

"In that case, I should be thanking you. If anyone ever deserved to be free, it's Vi," Sarah said.

"Of course. Vi deserves the world," Caitlyn simply stated while cordially shaking her hand.

Vi is going to try really hard not to blush at that. Try is the key word here. Sarah then went to shake Maddie's hand as well. Apparently living in the free world made the woman civilized. That’s something Vi did not expect.

"Nice to meet you both. I'm sure if you guys can put up with Vi's bitching, you must be alright," Sarah grinned.

Maddie laughed. Caitlyn did not, which surprised Vi because that would be a perfect opportunity to make fun of her. To be fair, Cait's been off tonight anyways. Vi simply scowled and shoved Sarah lightly.

"Please, you know you missed me and my bitching," Vi scoffed playfully.

Sarah grinned and slung her arms around Vi's shoulder. The brawler didn't mind the contact, she's always been a touchy feely kind of person with the people she cares about. Sarah's always been rather physically affectionate too, so this is nothing out of the ordinary. The next words she said were not as ordinary.

"I also miss making you my bitch," Sarah whispered into Vi's ear so quietly only she could hear it.

Vi blushed bright right and immediately nailed the redhead in the stomach with her elbow over the sexual innuendo. Sarah laughed and managed to keep her arms over Vi's shoulders.

"Arrest her on the counts of being insufferable," Vi groaned.

"Please, we'd both be locked up for life," Sarah snorted.

"You two are hilarious together. It's pretty cool that you two are able to reunite now of all times. How long have you guys been friends for?" Maddie asked them.

"Vi and I were a lot more than friends back in Stillwater," Sarah said with a shit eating grin.

It would appear that the blush has only gotten worse. It's so embarrassing that her first instinct is to downplay the relationship so that Caitlyn doesn't get the wrong idea, only for Vi to immediately remember Caitlyn does not give a damn. The woman is in a relationship for god's sake. She does not care about Vi's love life, past or otherwise.

"If you want to get technical about it, yes, she was my prison wife. For what, two years?" Vi answered while looking to Sarah for confirmation.

"I thought it was three. To be fair, time bleeds together when you're imprisoned," Sarah shrugged.

"Something like that. Point is, we were prison wives until like a year before Caitlyn busted me out. She just up and disappeared one day," Vi told them.

"Fuck, I am so sorry about that. I didn't know it at the time, but an old friend of mine pulled some strings and got me out early. I had no idea I was getting let out until I was literally dragged by my hair out the door. I tried convincing my friend to get you out too but their pull was only for one favor. I would have written letters but," Sarah trailed off guiltily.

Vi knew. Stillwater doesn't allow any contact from the outside world. Letters are a no go out there. The shorter woman nudged her former lover slightly.

"Relax, Red. I'm happy you got out. You didn't know, you couldn't exactly give me a heads up. Besides, I'm here now too, so everything kind of worked out," Vi told her sincerely.

She honestly meant it too. Sarah's made some nasty mistakes, obviously since she wound up in Stillwater, but she really is a good person deep down. Vi really has always cared about Sarah. It's hard not to when she was the only source of positive human interactions Vi had in that hellhole.

"Well, it has been lovely meeting you, but we have plans tonight, so we really must get going. I do hope we didn't disturb any plans you might have as well," Caitlyn said urgently, already ushering Vi away.

Why did she sound like they're in such a rush? Oh shit, do they have a reservation? Or are they supposed to be there by a certain time? Vi definitely wouldn't have spent the whole time just talking and standing in place if she knew.

"Ah, don't worry about it, I don't have anything to do tonight," Sarah shrugged.

"Really? Then you should join us! You guys seem like you'd have a bit to catch up on. Besides, the more the merrier right?" Maddie asked while looking at Caitlyn.

"I'm not entirely sure where we're going is Sarah's scene," Caitlyn started quietly.

"Oh, that's a great idea! Do you mind, Cait?" Vi asked her.

Caitlyn looked over at her for a moment and Vi could have sworn her eyes softened. Maybe that's just her being delusional.

"If you really want her around, I don't see why not," Caitlyn said with a smile that looked a little too strained to be sincere.

Vi was focusing more on the fact that she could actually interact with Sarah without someone ready to beat them up at all times. She's relieved that the other two women were nice enough to include Sarah.

"Please tell me we're going for drinks," Sarah sighed as the four of them started to resume their walking.

"You must be a mind reader. Maddie and Caitlyn say the place is great, but I've never been so we're taking their word for it," Vi told her.

Sarah nodded as she moved her arm from Vi's shoulder only to link their arms together. It's nice. Familiar and warm. Sarah's always been a source of comfort for Vi. Looks like some things never change.

"Wait, how did you know it was me when you called out? I was faced away from you and my hair's dyed black. How'd you recognize me?" Vi questioned.

"Babe, I know those back tattoos like I know my right hand," Sarah smirked.

Vi is going to really fight down the blush this time and merely rolled her eyes. Of course she'd say something like that. To be fair, her tattoos are very distinctive, even for people who didn't use to kiss them. Vi kind of wonders what it would be like if Caitlyn kissed her tattoos-nope! Not going to go there.

"I gotta say, I love the black hair on you, but I miss the red. It was just so, Vi," Sarah smiled.

"Yeah, I'm planning on dying it back to my natural hair color soon. The black hair's been fun, but I miss the red too," Vi told her.

"If you need help, I can do it. I'm pretty good at dyeing hair," the redhead informed her.

"That is a very thoughtful offer, but I already agreed to it. I've even got the dye back home. You don't need to worry about it," Caitlyn told her with an almost vicious smile.

Perfect, now Caitlyn and Sarah are glaring at each other. Something tells Vi this is going to be a long night.

**********************

Through the whole walk to the bar Vi still doesn't know the name of, Caitlyn's been acting odd. Like, really odd. She keeps side eyeing Vi and Sarah's interlinked arms while giving Sarah very terse answers. It's really unlike Caitlyn to be so blatantly rude to someone she just met. She wasn't even this bad when she got Vi out of Stillwater.

Vi is starting to suspect that Cait and Maddie got into a bit of a fight earlier. Any time Maddie tries initiating any sort of physical touch, Caitlyn always shies away. Granted, Caitlyn always shies away from Maddie's touch, but Vi's pretty sure that's because of her enforcer reputation. She mainly thinks the two fought because of Cait's attitude towards Sarah.

Vi supposes it doesn't matter that much. Sarah's not bothered by it and Vi can't think of many scenarios where the two would frequently cross paths. It's also very possible that their personalities just don't click.

After what feels like years, the quartet made it to the bar. It was a nice place that had a soothing atmosphere about it. Perfect establishment to take a moment to wind down for a minute.

"I intruded on your plans, first rounds on me. What do you guys drink?" Sarah asked.

Caitlyn opened her mouth, probably to interject, but Maddie thankfully beat her to the punch.

"Oh, thank you! I'll have an old fashioned and Cait usually goes for a gin and tonic right?" Maddie asked while looking at the other woman.

Caitlyn simply nodded in response. Vi opened her mouth to tell her order only for Sarah to wave her off.

"Whiskey sour, I know what you're about. Take a seat and I'll find you guys," Sarah nodded.

The three of them moved to sit at a table with four chairs. Vi was sitting across from Caitlyn and Maddie went to the chair next to Caitlyn's. There was a moment of really awkward silence before Maddie spoke up.

"Man, what are the chances you run into her after over a year of not being able to see each other?" the shorter woman asked.

"I know, I'm still kind of reeling a bit myself. To tell you the truth, I was worried about her. I didn't know she was getting let out early. I had been terrified that something worse happened," Vi sighed.

"Thank god everything worked out. She seems like a pretty cool person. What do you think, Cait?" Maddie asked.

"She's fine," Caitlyn deadpanned.

Damn, so she does not Sarah at all. It disappoints Vi a little bit even though it probably shouldn't. Vi just wishes all the important people in her life could just get along. At that moment, Sarah returned with their drinks. A small round of thank yous went around the table.

"Now then, who wants to hear humiliating stories about Vi when she was in prison?" Sarah smirked.

"I know I do," Maddie teased.

"Literally don't even start with me or I swear I'm drinking your shot," Vi glared.

By god, Vi had so many embarrassing moments in prison. She did not need the girl she liked or the girl she liked's girlfriend to have this kind of dirt on her.

"Babe, trust me, you don't want my shot. So basically, Vi walked up to this guard right," Sarah started.

"That's it, fuck you," Vi glared and snatched the shot.

"Babe, you really don't," Sarah started, but it was too late to save Vi.

The moment the alcohol hit her taste buds, Vi had to fight the urge to retch. Sarah quickly put the chaser to Vi's lips and managed to get her to swallow it. Vi winced and covered her mouth. That was such a mistake, why does she do this to herself?

"Are you alright? I don't think I've ever seen alcohol hit you that hard," Caitlyn asked, voice laced with concern.

"You know, it's actually the funniest thing, Vi can not stand vodka. She's totally good with every other kind of alcohol, but for whatever reason her body just can't handle vodka," Sarah told her.

The redhead is now soothingly rubbing Vi's back as she tries to recover from that heinous shot. All Vi's focused on is not physically convulsing. It would appear that her pettiness gave her some immediate karma.

"I totally deserved that," Vi managed to groan out. Sarah laughed and squeezed her shoulder.

"Probably. I'll be back. For obvious reasons, I need another drink," Sarah chuckled.

"Now obviously I don't know much about your guys' relationship, but you and Sarah look pretty good together, Vi," Maddie teased once Sarah left.

"Please, Vi could do better than that," Caitlyn scoffed while rolling her eyes.

"Hey, I get you're probably weary of her because she was thrown in Stillwater, but Sarah's not so bad," Vi insisted. She felt a very strong urge to defend her friend after everything she's been through.

"I'm getting another drink," was all Caitlyn said before leaving the table.

Vi hadn't even noticed Caitlyn's drink was already gone at this point. She must have guzzled that thing.

"I'm so sorry, I'll go talk to her. I don't understand what is with her tonight," Maddie sighed as she got up to follow the other enforcer.

Vi nodded and took a small sip of her own drink. She really didn't get Caitlyn's problem with Sarah. Even if it was the whole she's an enforcer and Sarah was an inmate, by that logic Maddie would be acting the same way.

At once, the answer hit Vi like a ton of bricks. Of course, Caitlyn's blatant disdain for Sarah is so obvious now! Sarah must have gotten in trouble with the law and Caitlyn had to take care of it!

That made perfect sense. It genuinely would have surprised the Zaunite to know that her ex managed to stay out of trouble with the law. While Sarah certainly wouldn't do anything major to draw attention to herself after Stillwater, it would be just like her to commit some petty theft crime. Caitlyn must have been one of the enforcers that had to deal with Sarah. It explains literally everything about how those two dislike each other.

That even explains why Maddie is perfectly fine with Sarah. She's a junior officer that just started going on the field, so it's likely she hasn't dealt with too many run-ins with criminals.

"Hey, where'd the enforcers go?" Sarah asked as she returned to her seat.

"Caitlyn needed another drink and Maddie followed," Vi explained.

She figured she's just going to ask Caitlyn about whatever Sarah did later. After so long of not being able to see one of her closest friends, she doesn't want to taint the memory of getting into whatever stupid shit she's done since her release. Obviously whatever Sarah did was either insignificant or already taken care of since Caitlyn isn't trying to arrest her.

Vi twisted herself a little bit in her seat to get a better look at Sarah. It's the first time they've been aloneish since reuniting and she looks more vulnerable now. More open. Sarah took one of Vi's hands in hers and squeezed it gently.

"I was worried about leaving you in there," Sarah admitted quietly.

"I was worried about what happened to you when you left," Vi softly told her.

"I meant what I said to that enforcer chick. If anyone ever deserved to be free, it's you," the redhead smiled.

"You give me too much credit," Vi chuckled.

"You don't give yourself enough. I will say, even though I'm happy we're both out of Stillwater and everything, I think it's so fucked up that we can't even have sex anymore. The sex was good when we were in prison, imagine how awesome it would've been as free women," Sarah sighed mournfully.

"Oh, why can't we have sex now?" Vi asked in confusion.

Vi doubts Sarah's in a relationship given what she just said and how touchy she's been throughout the night. Maybe she got an injury or something?

"What, are you forgetting about that blue haired girlfriend of yours that looks like she wants to pull that gun on me every time I interact with you?" Sarah asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What? Cait and I? No, her and Maddie or dating. I'm single," Vi clarified.

Honestly, it feels like a slap in the face for her to have assumed Caitlyn liked her back. Vi prays she's not obvious in her feelings, she does not need or want to cause anymore problems.

"Well if that's the case, I feel bad for the Maddie chick. Blue Hair does not like her," Sarah scoffed. Vi opened her mouth to defend the relationship before Sarah leaned in close. "But more importantly, you're still single?"

Vi laughed and nodded. Sarah stared at her for a long moment, as if she was considering something.

"Sail away with me," Sarah decided to say. Vi's brain short-circuited.

"Huh?" Vi ever so eloquently asked.

"I've got a boat, a decent sized crew, and a world undiscovered. C'mon, think about it. You, me, the vast open sea, a lot of sex," Sarah teased.

"Oh my god do not tempt me right now, that sounds so nice," Vi sighed.

It really, really did. The idea of just dumping all her problems here and sailing off with the beautiful redhead sounded too good to be true. She could ignore the pain of losing her family, of losing Caitlyn, of losing everything she held dear.

"But I can't. I'm sure you've heard about the issues with Piltover, Zaun, and Noxus. We're getting ready for war. I have to protect my people. All of them," Vi frowned.

"Disappointed, but not surprised. You've always been a fighter, that's why you got your ass thrown into solitary half the time. I get it. Even so, now that I know you're free, you're stuck with staying in contact with me now. I'll write you so many letters you'll get sick of my handwriting. I'll be telling you where the ports I go to are, so you'll have no excuse to not write me back," Sarah smiled.

"You got yourself a deal, Red," Vi grinned.

"And hey, maybe when the dust settles, you can sail around for at least a little bit with me. The offer will always stand," Sarah told her.

"I will hold you to that," Vi nodded.

Just because she can't ditch her responsibilities at the current moment in time doesn't mean that a vacation in the future is out of the question. Granted, this is under the assumption that Vi gets to have a future, but there's no need for technicalities right now.

"Well, I am still here for a couple weeks, so that sex offer is still on the table," Sarah whispered, leaning in close.

Vi, yet again, is tempted. Sarah knows what she likes and is familiar to her. Vi might not burn at her touch or yearn for the smallest bit of contact the way she does with Caitlyn, but Sarah is still wonderful. Vi was saved from making a decision when a glass cup slammed on the table. Both former inmates jolted and looked up to see Caitlyn giving them a stare that kind of made Vi fear for her life.

"Sorry. I saw a spider," Caitlyn plainly said. Vi's eyes widened and she quickly stood up.

"Oh please tell me you got that little fucker," Vi hissed.

"I didn't take you for an arachnophobe, Violet. You can take down fully grown men twice your size but you're running at the first sight of a tiny spider. It's cute, really," Caitlyn teased with a glint in her eyes.

Vi felt warmth spread across her chest. That's the Caitlyn she knows and loves. Hopefully that drink she got is helping at least a little bit.

"Oh whatever, Cup-Caitlyn," Vi snorted, internally kicking herself for the slip up of the nickname.

Whatever enjoyment Caitlyn had from messing with Vi was immediately gone. The woman across from her grimaced and looked down at her drink. Shit, now even Caitlyn's getting uncomfortable with that nickname.

Vi resisted the urge to sigh and took a swig of her own drink. It really is going to be a long night.

**********************

Once the four of them decided that they drank enough for the night, Sarah split off from the group once they left the bar. She was close to the port where her boat's docked, so there wasn't a need to walk her home or anything. Once Vi and Sarah shared a quick hug and exchanged contact information, the redhead was off.

The walk back to Caitlyn's place was mostly silent. A tension Vi can't quite place was swimming all over the trio. It felt like forever until they reached the Kiramman household. Caitlyn gave Maddie a quick farewell and walked through the front doors.

So admittedly, Vi was under the impression they would be walking Maddie home. When she realized she was actually quite wrong, Vi gave Maddie a hasty goodbye and followed Caitlyn.

When Vi walked through the front doors, Caitlyn was sitting on the couch and pouring herself another drink. Apparently she simply did not get enough in the past two hours. Vi figures now is as good a time as any to broach the subject of whatever Sarah did.

"Alright, you can be honest with me, what the hell did she do?" Vi sighed as she sat next to Caitlyn.

"What the hell did who do?" the taller woman asked.

"Sarah. What did she do?" Vi asked.

"I'm not following," Caitlyn plainly stated.

"What crime did Sarah commit after she's been free? Her impulse control has always been shit, it doesn't surprise me that she's had a run in with the law. Just tell me what she did," Vi sighed. Caitlyn looked her up and down for a moment, then turned away from her.

"If Sarah's done anything illegal, I wouldn't know about it," Caitlyn told her.

Vi's jaw actually dropped. A million questions are going through her head right now. However, she only verbalized one.

"The what the fuck is your problem with Sarah?" Vi blurted out.

Caitlyn yet again slammed her cup on the table in front of her. Vi's surprised it didn't shatter upon impact.

"Do not taunt me, you know very well why I don't like her," Caitlyn spat.

Vi has genuinely never been as lost as she is right now. How in the fresh hell is she supposed to know why Caitlyn dislikes Sarah to this extent?

"No, I really don't. Look, I get you might be weary of her past at Stillwater. Hell, I can't blame you for not liking her personality but," Vi started, only to get cut off by the woman in front of her.

"Personality? You think I don't like Sarah because of her fucking personality?" Caitlyn practically seethed.

"I quite literally can not comprehend any other reason!" Vi exclaimed in pure distress.

Actually what is happening right now. Caitlyn pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment. The Piltover woman clenched her jaw and looked directly into Vi's eyes.

"If you're really going to make me say it out loud, then fine, I'll say it. I don't like her because it is very obvious to me just how much you like her," Caitlyn scowled.

"I genuinely want you to know that I have never been more confused in my life than I am right now. Why does it matter if I like Sarah?" Vi asked.

"Everything you do matters to me!" Caitlyn snapped.

Vi's confusion is only worsening as she stares at Caitlyn. Her blue eyes held so much pain that it made Vi sick to her stomach. She wants to help. She wants to ease the pain Caitlyn is in immediately. Vi tried to find some kind of words of comfort but the other woman simply kept on going.

"It matters to me that you can't stand vodka. It matters to me that you still get nightmares about Stillwater. It matters to me that when you smile, your entire face glows. It matters to me that you've been pulling away from me. It matters to me that I deserve your rejection and hatred. It matters to me that I want so badly to be in your life and you don't want the same," Caitlyn blurted out, tears starting to well in her eyes.

Vi fought the urge to cry. It was so close to a confession and yet not. The Zaunite merely sighed and moved to grab the glass Caitlyn slammed on the table.

"You need to go to bed, Cait. You're dating Maddie, you really shouldn't be saying things like this," Vi sighed.

"What? I'm not dating Maddie," Caitlyn frowned.

Vi dropped the glass in shock. Miraculously, it didn't spill or shatter. When this emotional crisis is over, Vi has to know what kind of indestructible glass cups Caitlyn buys.

"What? I one hundred percent thought the two of you were together," Vi honestly told her.

"No, no, I never even considered it. I suppose we can tack that on the list of reasons why I'm a terrible person. I was always clear with Maddie that our relationship was only physical and bound to be temporary. I think she got a bit too hopeful along the way," Caitlyn sighed.

Holy shit. Vi's actually the dumbest woman alive. To the shock of absolutely no one, unfortunately. Okay quick Vi, stop staring at her like a dumbass and actually say something to comfort her. Vi moved closer to Caitlyn and firmly held onto her hand.

"I never hated you. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I've been pulling away because I thought you were dating Maddie. I didn't want to cause any problems there so I thought giving you space was the best thing to do. I mean, you even seemed to hate it when I called you Cupcake. I slipped up a couple times tonight and you just looked so upset. I thought I was just doing what you wanted," Vi shrugged.

"I only looked disappointed tonight because you kept correcting yourself. I never thought I'd want to be called something as ridiculous as a cupcake until you stopped calling me one," Caitlyn softly admitted

"Hey, you take that back. Cupcake's aren't ridiculous, they're absolutely delightful," Vi softly joked.

A small smile swept over Caitlyn's face that made Vi's heart pound in her chest. There has never been a more beautiful smile than the one right in front of her.

"Why did you think I was dating Maddie?" Caitlyn suddenly asked.

"It may seem stupid now, but it's because you told me about the fact that you guys slept together. I took it as your way of telling me that kiss didn't matter and was a one time thing. So I just kind of changed the subject to avoid hearing it out loud," Vi sheepishly told her.

"I only told you about Maddie because I was trying to be honest and have you hear it from me. Looking back, it probably would have made more sense to ask you out before mentioning it. I thought you brushing it off and changing the subject was your way of saying you weren't interested. I didn't blame you, especially after everything," Caitlyn sighed.

"You know I've already forgiven you and I already know you meant it. I just can't believe we're both this stupid. See, this is expected behavior from me, but I thought you were smarter than this Cupcake," Vi teased.

Caitlyn let out a laugh this time which sent Vi into a fight of giggles too. Once their laughter died down, Caitlyn reached out and gently cupped her hands under Vi's face. The Zaunite leaned into the warm touch, feeling a sense of peace wash over her.

"Will you just be my girlfriend? It doesn't matter how long I have to wait or what I need to do, I want you to know that I adore you and no matter what the future holds, I want you by my side. I'm going to work every day to be deserving of you so I just," Caitlyn rambled before Vi cut her off with a kiss.

"Yeah, I'll be your girlfriend, Cupcake," Vi giggled once they pulled apart.

Caitlyn looked like someone told her she won the lottery with how ecstatic she looked. It filled Vi's heart with joy knowing she's responsible for that look. It was at that moment that Vi came to another realization.

"At least the mystery of tonight is finally solved. You were so jealous of Sarah it made you seem insane," Vi grinned. Caitlyn blushed and rolled her eyes.

"So what if I was?" the Piltover woman grumbled.

Vi honestly wasn't expecting her to admit it, especially not so quickly. She simply chuckled and moved in to kiss Caitlyn's cheek.

"You don't have to be. I've only got eyes for you, Cupcake," Vi smiled.

"You should know you don't have to worry about Maddie. As totally fucked up as it is to say, I only started sleeping with her because her eyes reminded of yours," Caitlyn sighed.

"I think what's even more fucked up is how happy that makes me," Vi honestly stated.

Before she could even blink, Caitlyn yanked Vi in for another kiss. This one was different from the first. It was desperate, hungry, and it made Vi feel like she just got lit on fire.

The Zaunite kissed back with just as much vigor. Caitlyn broke the kiss only to move her lips down Vi's neck. Those soft lips pressed hot, open mouthed kisses along her neck. Vi audibly gasped when Caitlyn found the crook of her neck.

Caitlyn got the message that it was her sweet spot and started sucking at the vulnerable spot. Vi moaned at the unexpected action at an embarrassingly high volume. In an attempt to recover some of her dignity, Vi bit her lip to prevent any noises from coming out. Caitlyn pulled back a bit and frowned at the sight.

"As hot as you are biting your lip, I want to hear you. I've wanted this for so long words can't even describe it," Caitlyn said.

With that, she returned to making sure no spot on Vi's neck is left untouched by her lips. Vi could only cling onto Caitlyn's shirt as she was ravaged by the taller woman. Reluctantly, Vi allowed the low moans and gasps to escape her lips.

"How do you feel about taking some clothes off, hmm?" Caitlyn asked, searching Vi's eyes for any sense of hesitation. There was absolutely none.

"Let me touch you, Cupcake, please. I need to," Vi begged.

Caitlyn didn't need much convincing. While Caitlyn took both her pants and shirt off, Vi could only manage yanking off her shirt before getting pulled into the other woman. Now they're both laying side by side on the thankfully large couch, bodies entangled with one another.

Holy fuck, this is really happening.

"Tell me what you want from me Caitlyn, shit. I'll do anything you need me to," Vi breathlessly told her.

"Aren't you a good girl, hmm? So eager to please," Caitlyn smirked.

Vi blushed brightly at the call out while Caitlyn took off her bra. She guided Vi's head down to her breasts. Safe to say, the shorter woman got the message really quick. Vi took her beautiful girlfriend's left nipple in her mouth and traced the areola with her tongue. Caitlyn gasped and put a hand in Vi's hair, urging her closer.

As her mouth was working on Caitlyn's breast, Vi's hands began trailing up and down the taller woman's soft sides. She gently massaged and squeezed them, allowing Caitlyn to melt under her touch. Her mouth quickly went to the right nipple and began to give it the same treatment as the left. Caitlyn's ragged breathing is merely edging her on. Vi can already feel herself getting wet from everything she's doing to her lover.

"Inside, I need you to put your fingers inside me," Caitlyn insisted while tossing her underwear off.

She certainly didn't need to tell Vi twice. That doesn't mean Vi won't mess with her a little bit. The Zaunite began slowly trailing the tips of her fingers down Caitlyn's stomach while still giving her chest plenty of attention. Eventually, her fingers made it to Caitlyn's cunt and holy fuck was it wet.

Both women audibly gasped when Vi made contact with Cait's slit. Vi decided she was going to be a little playful and began slowly stroking two fingers up and down the Piltover woman's sex without actually entering inside her. Caitlyn's grip on her head tightened and caused a delightful sting.

Caitlyn began bucking her hips in hopes of getting Vi's fingers inside, but at just the right time the Zaunite would manage to pull back. When Vi looked up, she could see the blissed out face on her lover and that sent a wave of heat straight to her core.

She's honestly having the time of her life teasing Caitlyn. The whimpers of being so close yet not quite getting what she wanted was driving Vi absolutely mad. Then, Caitlyn cupped Vi's face and pulled her away from the breast she was paying special attention to. When Vi looked at Caitlyn, she was an expression the Zaunite had never seen before. It was a calculating look that meant business.

"I'm warning you right now, you can tease me as long as you like, but I promise you I will return the favor tenfold when I get my hands on you. Now are you going to be a good girl and fuck me, or are you going to continue acting like you have control?" Caitlyn firmly asked her.

If Vi wasn't sure if she had a praise kink before, she knows she does now. The prospect of being a good girl was the push Vi needed to slowly slip one finger inside of Caitlyn's beautiful cunt. Plus, she's hot when she's bossy. Caitlyn moaned lowly and grabbed onto Vi's back.

"Another one," the Piltover woman managed to command.

Very eager to see her girlfriend come, Vi did as instructed. The second finger slipped inside with absolutely zero resistance. There Vi sat, absolutely mesmerized at the sight of Caitlyn taking in two of Vi's fingers. She's starting to think she might actually come from this sight alone.

"You're so beautiful clenching on my fingers like this Cait, holy fuck," Vi whispered.

The other woman almost immediately tightened around Vi. Looks like she's not the only one that enjoys a bit of complimenting during sex.

Vi bit her lip as she slowly began to pick up the pace of pushing her fingers inside of Caitlyn's wet pussy. She can feel her girlfriend's walls tighten around her, signaling she's coming to her high soon. Without letting up the pace, Vi leaned down and swallowed Caitlyn's moans with a kiss. Caitlyn wrapped her arms around Vi's neck and tugged her in as close as possible.

"Fuck, keep going, I'm so close," Caitlyn moaned.

Given how fucking tight she is, Vi certainly believes that statement. Vi's fingers began pumping impossibly faster as Caitlyn desperately rutted her hips upward. Caitlyn clutched onto Vi's shoulders as she finally hit her sweet release. With a loud moan, Caitlyn rode out her high on Vi's fingers.

This is probably the hottest thing the Zaunite has seen in her entire life. The woman she's in love with is desperately trying to regain her breath after Vi just gave her an orgasm. This is a memory she will be cherishing for years to come.

Vi slowly took her fingers out of Caitlyn and brought them to her lips. While making direct eye contact with her, Vi tastes Caitlyn's arousal still coating her fingers.

"Tastes sweet. You know, like a cupcake," Vi grinned.

"You are so annoying," the taller woman huffed with no real bite in her voice.

Caitlyn let out a small giggle before yanking Vi down into another searing kiss. It ended way too shortly when Caitlyn pulled away. Then, the Piltover woman looked at Vi and frowned.

"You're wearing way too many clothes. We're going to need to change that," Caitlyn told her.

At once, Caitlyn got to work on undoing her chest bindings. Vi was so focused on kicking off her pants that she didn't notice the white piece of paper slip from her pocket. Apparently, Caitlyn did.

"What's this note for? And why does it say 'when you're ready to sail away with me'?" Caitlyn frowned.

Vi took a moment to process the question because of how elated she was over the fact that she made Caitlyn come. The Zaunite glanced down at the paper before shrugging.

"Oh, Sarah wrote me that. She wanted me to leave with her when she went back to sea. For many obvious reasons I declined, but she still wrote down her next port so that I could write," Vi mumbled.

She didn't really care about the note. What she cared about was having Caitlyn on top of her. As it would turn out, Caitlyn cared quite a bit about said note. The Piltover woman crumpled the note and tossed it dismissively behind her.

"I'm going to make you come so hard you won't even remember your own name, much less her's. You're not going to want to sail away from me when I'm done with you," Caitlyn whispered darkly in Vi's ear.

That's way more attractive than it should have been. Now that Vi's pants and underwear are off, Caitlyn is starting to nip at the shorter woman's chest. Vi whimpered as her girlfriend's soft lips made contact with the valley between her breasts. She's so embarrassingly wet right now, she needs to come soon.

"Cupcake, please, I need you," Vi begged.

"Oh? Need me for what?" Caitlyn asked innocently as she continued to press kisses down to Vi's stomach.

The taunt made Vi want to scream in frustration. It's pretty damn obvious what Vi needs right about now.

"Touch me," Vi insisted.

"My poor darling, I am touching you. If you want something specific from me, you have to be a good girl and ask," Caitlyn smirked as her hands began massaging Vi's thighs.

Oh she's evil. It's like Caitlyn thinks Vi is just some whore that's going to be begging her to come!

Well, she would be correct, but Vi is not happy about it!

"Just eat me out already before I go insane!" the Zaunite whined.

Caitlyn's eyes flashed and before Vi could blink, her girlfriend was pressing open mouthed kisses on her cunt. Vi’s breath hitched in her throat as she slammed her hand over her mouth to stop her moans.

"If I don't get to hear you, you don't get to come. Now let me hear those pretty moans Vi, I won't tell you again," Caitlyn warned.

The fact that she's so vocal is absolutely humiliating to Vi, but the idea of not being able to come is so much worse. Therefore, Vi let her hand flop at her side so now the sounds she makes is all for Caitlyn's ears.

Caitlyn smiled and dragged her tongue up Vi's slit. The Zaunite physically did a full body shiver at the sensation. The pleasure crawled all the way up her spine in a way that was too intoxicating for words.

"Who's making you feel this good, hmm? Go on, say it," Caitlyn quietly hissed.

Vi really doesn't want to speak, her voice is just going to sound all shaky and awkward. But something tells her that Caitlyn is going to get it out of Vi, one way or another. Even if Vi's embarrassed, it's still really hot.

"Fuck, Cupcake, it's you. You make feel so fucking go- oh fuck," Vi gasped as Caitlyn's tongue went inside of her.

Feeling the Piltover woman's tongue inside of her is almost making her scream. She was already so wet and this is making it so worse. It's only a matter of time before Vi completely unravels.

Vi tried moving her hips to speed things along, but Caitlyn pinned them to the couch with her hands. All the Zaunite could do is lay there and take the pleasurable attack on her cunt.

"Tell me you're mine, darling. Tell me you're mine because I have always been yours," Caitlyn moaned into Vi's pussy.

"Fuck, Cupcake, I'm yours. Only yours, oh my god," Vi cried out.

Upon hearing those words, Caitlyn's tongue began vigorously circling Vi's clit. The taller woman began repeatedly pressing against her most sensitive spot and before she could even comprehend it, Vi was coming all over Caitlyn's face.

"Fuck," they both moaned at the same time.

They made eye contact for a moment before giggling like a couple of idiots. Caitlyn slowly moved up Vi's body and gave her kiss while her arousal was still coated over the Piltover woman's lips. Literally everything Caitlyn does is so hot.

Once they broke apart Caitlyn laid next to Vi and began gently messing with her hair. Vi yawned and leaned her head on Vi's shoulder.

"You feeling good? Do you need anything, my darling?" Caitlyn softly asked her.

Vi's tummy did a small backflip at the possessive 'my' in front of darling. The things this woman does to her is actually insane.

"I feel fucking amazing actually. All I need is you, Cupcake," Vi smiled.

"I have to say, I feel pretty fucking amazing myself," Caitlyn chuckled.

"Well then I did my job," Vi giggled.

"I love you, you know. I'm not expecting you to say it back, but I really think you need to," Caitlyn began, only to get cut off with Vi's lips on hers.

"I love you too. Good luck getting rid of me now, sucker," Vi smirked. Caitlyn simply laughed and pulled her in even closer.

"Sounds perfect to me, Vi. That sounds absolutely perfect."

**********************

That very morning, Caitlyn and Vi walked into town hand in hand. Vi was originally concerned that it would hurt her reputation to be with her in such an obviously romantic setting, but Caitlyn was having none of it. As they were strolling down the street, they met up with a couple enforcers that Vi remembers meeting but unfortunately forgot the name of. Oh shit, Maddie’s there too. Hopefully it’s not awkward or anything.

"Oh, congrats on getting back together you two!" the blonde woman smiled at seeing their joined hands.

“Aw, I’m for you guys! You make a sweet couple,” Maddie agreed.

Vi felt herself physically relax. Maddie’s not heartbreakingly upset, which is truly all Vi wanted. Even though Caitlyn may have never reciprocated Maddie’s feelings, she is clearly also relieved that she’s alright with this outcome.

"About time, Vi. That one was a wreck without you," the black haired man teased while pointing to Caitlyn. Vi laughed a bit while Caitlyn blushed.

"Thanks, but we never like, broke up or anything. This is the first time we've started dating," Vi told them.

"Wait seriously?" the blonde asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, it's true. Our relationship is quite new," Caitlyn told them.

"Wow. You guys were not good at hiding it," the blonde deadpanned.

Caitlyn and Vi looked at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter. They were totally right, after all. The two women were awful at hiding their feelings for each other.

Vi smiled easily as the other three enforcers began rambling on about the plans they had coming up this week. Caitlyn gently squeezed Vi's hand which the Zaunite quickly returned. As long as they had each other, they would be alright.

"Hey Babe, how did- ah boo! You guys are totally dating now, aren't you?" the voice behind them identifiable as Sarah groans. Vi bit back a laugh as Caitlyn frowned at Sarah's presence.

"Yes, we are now very happily dating, Sarah," Vi grinned.

"I suppose I'm happy for you. But hey, if you're ever dating unhappily, you know I'm always available," Sarah smirked.

"Vi, grab my gun," Caitlyn deadpanned.

"Huh? Why?" Vi asked.

"Because I might actually shoot her," Caitlyn scowled.

"Yeah, alright, no gun for you," Vi mumbled as she hastily grabbed it from Caitlyn's holster.

And here Vi thought those two might get along now that the air has been cleared. Clearly, that will not be the case. Vi simply kissed Caitlyn's cheek and watched as a small smile graced the other woman's face.

At least now Vi has a little more incentive to survive Ambessa's wrath. A future with Caitlyn is, without a doubt, something worth fighting for.

[universecorp]

Heartbeat pt.2

Summary: After starting a situationship with your best friend from high school, things start to become complicated. Especially when you start to catch feelings.

Jaehyun x Reader

Haechan x Reader (In pt2 and 3 ) w.c: 12.2k

Genre: Comedy, Romance, Smut, Angst, Fluff

Warnings: Protected sex (they wrap it before they tap it, what a concept!, Mentions of oral (f.receiving ), sexual themes, drinking, degrading (not during sex though so proceed with caution), a couple arguments, Jaehyun is kinda dick in this part sorry, rejection, trying to kiss someone without their consent, if i missed anything please comment but i think that’s it!

Playlist: ♡

<- Previous Part

It was about a month after the beach and you were on one of  several failed dates. You wondered if you were doomed to just never have a partner at this point as you walked away from your date. You were also starting to think that maybe Jaehyun raised your standards too high, but you also knew your worth and knew what you deserved. Speaking of him, he was calling.

“Hey,” You sighed out, hopping on the bus back to your campus.

“Oh, you sound disappointed. Was it that bad?” You could only chuckle at how even over the phone he could tell when something was wrong. That was just good best friend behavior you figured.

“It wasn’t bad, he's just a little self absorbed. The whole time he just kept talking about how he was valedictorian in high school and all his awards and accolades.” You explained at a hushed volume out of respect for the other riders. “Then he went on to talk about the game he’s developing and how it’s already been kickstarted by some sponsors. The game part was interesting but it was the damn “me” show about high school when he’s a whole junior in college.” 

“Yeesh, sounds boring. Well I have something that might cheer you up and get you some action.” Jaehyun spoke, there was some rustling in the background so you figured he was still in bed. 

“I’m listening.”

“Alphas are having a party tonight, theme is cartoon characters, so if you take the bus to my place we could go out and go shopping, pregame, and then head over.” That sounded intriguing and like just what you needed to forget about this yet again unsuccessful date. 

“I do need to stop at my dorm for makeup though, so can you pick me up there?” Jaehyun made an affirmative humming sound from the other side of the line. 

“Yeah, I'll be there in ten.” 

—————————————————————————

The party was in full swing, and you could successfully say that your pregaming had you feeling good. You were dressed as Bloom from Winx Club You managed to find a blue minidress in your closet so that eliminated part of your outfit. When you and Jaehyun went shopping you also found some wings and a tiara and before you knew it your costume  was complete. 

At the moment you were dancing with some guy you couldn’t remember the name of; loving the way his hands felt on you. He had his chest to your back and was using his hands to help you grind back against him. The song wasn’t even that kind of song but in your state it just felt right. Everything felt perfect and everything about your dance partner was so attractive, his jet black hair, his sun kissed skin, and the moles scattered across his face only added to his beauty. His voice sent shivers down your spine as he whispered things in your ear the things he wanted to do to you and you couldn’t deny that you wanted those things done to you. You were on cloud nine, feeling numb enough to not notice the pair of eyes that was watching you and your dance partner, but conscious enough to know that you wanted the man behind you. 

“You’re so gorgeous, can’t believe you didn’t come with anyone.” Ok, maybe you had failed to mention that you came to this party with Jae, but you weren’t together so that didn’t really matter. Besides he left you the second you walked through the doors, so as far as you were concerned you were just friends who happened to be at the same party.

“I could say the same for you too, honestly.” You weren’t lying either, maybe he was a serial killer and that's why he didn’t have someone. People like him did tend to be serial killers, charismatic, handsome; were you dancing with a serial killer? 

 “Let’s go back to my place babe,” he whispered in your ear, voice low and raspy, “I’ll show you a better time than this lame party.” Saying no was the last thing on your mind as you allowed the pretty stranger to lead you away from the crowds and loud bass reverberating through the cramped house. Even if he did turn out to be a serial killer at least you got to have a good time before you died.

—————————————————————————

You could confidently say that Donghyuck wasn’t a serial killer. You could only say that because you were in his bed being given what you could only classify as your best lay since Jaehyun and not dead in a field somewhere. Words weren’t the only thing he was smooth with, you could name about three other things on top of that. One of them was his dick, which was currently in you. Unlike most men you’ve fucked after parties, Donghyuck took his time with you; bringing you to orgasm once from his tongue and fingers before he finally entered you. Needless to say, you were in a state of pure ecstasy and didn’t want it to stop anytime soon. 

“Hyuck-, fuck, feels good…” Your nails were digging into the skin of his shoulders, no doubt leaving marks, but that seemed to only spur him on. You could feel every drag of his cock against your walls as he pulled out almost to the tip before thrusting back in roughly. You could hear every whimper and whine he was letting out which was slightly muffled by the pillow his head was buried in. Judging from the way he ate you out earlier, you could tell he was getting off of the fact that you felt good too and it almost stirred something in you. 

“You’re so gorgeous, you sound so pretty for me.” His voice was a bit husky in your ear, but still had that nasal lilt to it that you found so attractive. You could tell he was close by how his thrusts were starting to grow erratic and less calculated, somehow he was still managing to hit your g-spot dead on, despite his clear fatigue. As if he knew he wasn’t going to last long enough to pull another orgasm out of you, he quickly moved his hand between your bodies to start rubbing roughly at your clit. You couldn’t help the loud moan that came from you as he continued the onslaught of pleasure but moving his mouth down to your neck again to suck hickeys onto your neck. “Fuck, come on baby, give it to me.” It felt like his permission was all you needed to let go for a second time that night and only seconds later he was following you, moaning your name out into the silence of his apartment as his thrusts came to a stop.��

Donghyuck finally rolled off of you after a few minutes, five of which those seven minutes consisted of a slow makeout session as you came down from your highs. You could feel his eyes on you, so you turned to face him, giving him an awkward smile. “I’ll call an Uber.” You figured that’s why he was looking at you, and before you could exit the bed he grabbed your wrist.

“You hungry?” 

A pregnant pause.

“I could eat.”

—————————————————————————

Sitting in a Dennys at 2:00 AM is not how you expected your night to end. You and Donghyuck had spent the better part of an hour talking and getting to know each other. He was easy to talk to, and funny, you didn’t feel like you were forcing any of your reactions which made you feel a lot more at ease than usual.

“Wait, you're Haechan? The streamer?” Donghyuck nodded, shoveling a scoop of hash browns into his mouth. “That’s so fucking crazy, my best friend loves your streams. We used to fuck and I remember one time he got the notification for your stream and stopped mid fuck to watch you.” Donghyuck nearly choked on the strip of bacon he was munching on.

“Please tell me you’re joking.” You shook your head. “That’s so sick, did he at least like pick up where he left off while watching?” Another shake. 

“I had to push him on his back and ride him.” Donghyuck laughed loudly, catching the attention of most of the other late night eaters, but it was clear he didn’t care. 

“Now that I think about it, there was this one time I read a comment and it deadass said ‘I was fucking my girl and stopped to watch.’ I thought it was probably a troll, but that might’ve been him.”

You scoffed, shaking your head once again. “There’s no way that was him, he would never refer to me as ‘his girl’ it would be kind of funny if that was him though.” Donghyuck hummed in agreement, it was all he could do since he didn’t even know Jaehyun. 

There was a small awkward silence filled only with the sounds of plates clinking and light chatter from the other patrons. Donghyuck looked like he was having a debate with himself befofe hr finally opened his mouth. “Look, uhm, I don’t usually do this, I honestly don’t usually take my hookups to pre-breakfast either, but I was wondering if I could get your number?” 

You were a bit shocked. You thought maybe this was normal and Donghyuck was just one of those nice guys who treated his fucks to post coiatal meals. Hearing otherwise brought a bit of heat to your cheeks. 

“So uh… is that a no? Don’t leave me hanging here.”

“Oh no, wait no, I mean yes! Yes… you can have my number.” 

—————————————————————————

“You’ve been smiling at your phone a lot lately. You and big head aren’t fucking again right?” Minjeong was doing your nails on the floor of your dorm, and you were definitely making it hard since you were texting Donghyuck with the hand she was trying to get you to dry. 

“Of course not. I’m texting a new guy, I met him at that party me and Jae went to.” Minjeong perked up at the mention of a new guy. Talks like these reminded you of being a teenager, but they were always relaxing. You seriously owed Minjeong some girl time anyway with how far up Jaehyun’s ass you had been for the past year.

“So what’s his name?”

“Donghyuck, he goes here obviously, also get this, ” Minjeong leaned in “he’s that streamer that Jae likes a lot.”

“No way!?” Minjeong gasped, she accidentally swiped a little polish on your finger, but you didn’t mind.

You nodded, smiling basically ear to ear. “Yes way, and he’s so cute. He’s telling me how he wants to take me on a date this weekend!” You closed your phone to give Minjeong your undivided attention while she swiped acetone over her previous mistake.

“I’m happy for you, I know I was kind of an ass with all the ‘I told you so’, but I really just wanted you to be with  someone who treats you for what you’re worth.” You knew that, but hearing it felt really good. You always knew Minjeong was just looking out for you, but she also knew that whatever you felt for Jaehyun wasn’t going away like magic. Even now you sometimes felt a twinge of what you used to when he did certain things, but it wasn’t as strong as it was a month ago. 

“It’s ok Minnie, I know you only had my best interest.” You brought your nails hand up to blow on the wet polish. “Look on the bright side though, I went through all that and now I've learned my lesson. No more wasting time or energy on people who don’t deserve it.” 

Minjeong jostled your shoulder, “That’s my girl.”

—————————————————————————

 A week later you were with Donghyuck in his apartment, playing a co-op game called “it takes two” that he specifically bought for the date. He turned on his twitch to stream, but he left his mic off to enjoy the moment with you. He was ticking so many boxes and even Minjeong gave him the stamp of approval when he met her a couple hours ago. Everything today was perfect, he bought you flowers, ordered from your favorite takeout place and even surprised you with slippers for you to wear around the apartment. You had been seeing each other for about a month now so you figured he would be asking you to be his girlfriend soon, but you were in no rush. His gestures meant the world to you and even then just his presence was enough for you to feel satisfied. 

Now the two of you were snuggled up side by side, controllers in hand and your head on his shoulder. Nothing could ruin this moment, nothing except your phone which had been buzzing on the nightstand for a good two minutes. “Hey babe, I can pause if you wanna get that?” You looked up at Donghyuck with a small pout before shaking your head. You felt bad that whoever was calling you clearly didn’t get the memo that you were busy. 

“We can keep playing, I’ll talk and play, m’sorry.” Donghyuck waved it off as he waited for you to answer your phone. You rolled your eyes slightly when you saw Jaehyun’s photo, but still answered the facetime call. “What’s up loser?” You sounded less than enthused, but he should’ve expected that since you ignored his calls for two minutes. 

“God what crawled up your ass and died weirdo and why aren’t you showing your face?” Jaehyun scoffed as if his facetime screen wasn’t paused.

“Just the fact that you’ve been calling me for two minutes. What the fuck did you want? I’m kinda busy.” You cursed under your breath since you and Donghyuck failed the game stage for the fifth time. 

“First of all, I wanted to see if you wanted to grab dinner and come watch a movie, I’ll buy obviously. Second of all, if you’re gonna lie about being busy at least make it believable, I can hear you playing a game in the background.” Jaehyun had some fucking nerve assuming you would lie to him about being busy, but you weren’t gonna fight about it. You were gonna be civil. Even though Donghyuck had heard the way you and Jaehyun talked to each other before, he was a little annoyed that the other man was accusing you of lying. 

“Jae, I’m on a date and we’re playing a game, so I actually am very busy. 

“Wait… are you playing ‘it takes two’?” Jaehyun didn’t know about Donghyuck. He knew you had been on dates, but since he didn’t ask who with, you didn’t bother telling him it was Donghyuck A.K.A. his favorite streamer. 

“Yeah, with my date.” You knew you sounded like a bitch, but you didn’t care. Jaehyun had barely been hanging out with you and even then it seemed like he only wanted to when he was bored. You were trying to follow Minjeong’s and your own advice and stop wasting time on people that don’t deserve it.

“If you’re actually playing a game with your date, show your face and his, then show the tv.” You were so close to hanging up on Jaehyun, but when you saw the screen pause and suddenly your phone was being held up by Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck didn’t look happy. All of the irritation must have been building up to a point where even Jaehyun looked concerned. “Look, Jaehyun, I get it, you’re bored. I’m sure you miss having Y/N at your beck and call because you knew she would drop anything for you before.” Jaehyun opened his mouth to speak, but one glare from Donghyuck had him closing it immediately. “Those times are past and whatever sick game you’re playing at needs to stop. Got it?” The silence on the line was loud, Donghyuck knew he made his point. “Good. Now I’m going to go back to playing games with my girlfriend, enjoy the stream Jaehyun.” With that he pressed the end call button with a sigh and immediately after you were straddling the man.

“Girlfriend huh?” 

Donghyuck set his controller down and placed his hands on your hips, it was all he could do to look cool despite the blush rushing his face. “Yeah uhm… I was going to ask you later during pillow talk after some earth shattering sex, but this is cool too I guess.” 

You giggled, placing a kiss on his cheek. “This is cool too, don’t worry. We can still have earth shattering sex but now as boyfriend and girlfriend.” It was Donghyuck’s turn to giggle now. “Do you want to keep playing, we could even turn on the mic?” 

Haechan shook his head, “No I think it’s time for that earth shattering sex we were talking about.” You bit your lip trying to suppress a laugh, he was so goofy and hot at the same time, you didn’t understand how anyone could be capable of that. 

“I think that can be arranged…boyfriend.”

—————————————————————————

“He told you off?” Mark nearly yelled, catching the attention of several of the other students in the library. 

“Dude keep it down, we’re in a library.” Johnny reminded before focusing back on his music theory assignment. 

“Sorry, he told you off?” Mark asked again this time in a more suitable whisper.

“Yes, and she didn’t say shit bro, she just let him.” Jaehyun grumbled, taking a chip from the bag Johnny had managed to smuggle in. 

Johnny was pretty unamused with the entire situation, given that he asked if the two men wanted to study in the library, but had basically been talking the whole time. “Have you ever thought that maybe she’s over how you treat her. I know you think you’re like bestie of the year, but you literally evaded her feelings for at least 6 months just so you would have an easy fuck.” 

Jaehyun scoffed, “Remind me to stop telling you about my problems.” Johnny simply rolled his eyes before training them back on the score in front of him. 

“I mean he has a point. You knew she caught feelings a while ago, and your agreement was to break it off, but you kept everything up. Plus you were the one who kept fucking with her and being all domestic, she’s probably traumatized.” Jaehyun shot a glare at Mark; he did not come here to be ganged up on.

“She can’t be but so traumatized since she spends all her time with Haechan, or Donghyuck, whatever the fuck his name is.” Mark and Johnny looked ready to hit their heads against the table, but clearly this was a delicate situation that needed to be nurtured and cared for so that Jaehyun would actually get some sense.

“Jae, buddy, pal, old friend if you will.”

“Get to the point Johnathan.” 

Johnny sighed, “See the point is, she’s in a relationship now. You had your 15 minutes of fame where she basically avoided getting into something because she was holding out hope for you. Now, she’s tired of waiting. She wants something that makes her feel loved and worth it and frankly, your bare minimum effort of taking her back to your place to watch a movie and then fuck, isn’t cutting it.”

“Bars.” Mark fist bumped Johnny, adding an explosion sound effect at the end.

“You guys are losers. She didn’t seem to be complaining about the movie and fuck a couple months ago.” Mark cringed and Johnny simply shook his head at the way their friend could so shamelessly talk about you like that.

“Jaehyun, listen to yourself, you sound delusional. She may not have been complaining, but that’s also because if she did you would’ve had to break all of that off. You’re acting like she broke up with you when the two of you weren’t even together in the first place.” Johnny’s volume was starting to increase, but he couldn’t help it, he wasn’t the closest to you, but he refused to let Jaehyun disrespect you like this. “Also you literally only text or call her now when we can’t hang out. Do you think that makes her feel good?” Jaehyun opened his mouth, but Johnny cut him off. “Don’t answer that because I know you’re about to say some bullshit. You need to get with the program and stop treating her like some play thing that you decide to pick up everytime your other toys are broken!” Johnny finished closing his laptop and packing up his belongings. 

“Dude, where are you going?” Jaehyun groaned before looking at Mark who was following in Johnny’s actions. “You too? Come on!”

Mark just shook his head, slinging his backpack over his shoulder before speaking again. “Dude, you have some serious soul searching to do. We don’t mind if you vent, but the way you talk about and treat her is sick.” Jaehyun just clicked his teeth in response to the younger man. 

“Whatever.” Jaehyun stood up from the table and stormed out of the library.

“He needs to get laid.” 

“Totally.” Mark agreed.

—————————————————————————

“How in the fuck do you remember all of these bones?” Donghyuck asked, leaning over from behind you at all the flash cards you had laid out. 

“I print out flashcards for all of them and corresponding pictures and play matching games.” You responded, matching the humerus card to its corresponding photo. Donghyuck puffed out a laugh before kissing you on the cheek and walking into the kitchen to assess what he could make for dinner.

“So do you want ramen or ramen tonight?” He asked, peeking out his head from behind the cabinet. 

“Oh, what about ramen? I saw a recipe for it the other day.” 

Donghyuck hummed while grabbing two packets out of the cabinet. “Sounds good!” 

You and Donghyuck had been spending a lot more time together since you officially got together. Most nights were spent at his apartment, to the point where he cleared out a drawer as well as closet space for some of your clothes. You hadn’t heard much from Jaehyun, but you weren’t surprised. You heard from Mark that he had been moody lately so you just figured he was in some funk he needed to get over. 

“Babe, how mad would you be if I got lazy and ordered chicken instead of cooking.” Donghyuck materialized behind you at some point, startling you. He laughed a little at your shocked state, not for long though as he brought his hands down to your shoulders and began massaging them, relieving all your tension. 

“I would be a little upset because you said I could pay for the next meal.” You craned your neck to look up at him, putting on your best pout. Donghyuck made a few dramatic facial expressions as if he was a cartoon character trying to resist something. You played along, jutting your bottom lip out farther and making your eyes bigger and as if you had shocked him he went flying back. You turned around to see him on the floor clutching his heart and couldn’t help but giggle at his dramatics.

“Girlfriend pout, very effective, health level critical.” Donghyuck made his voice more scratchy as he writhed around on the floor. He made eye contact with you and you shot him another pout which seemed to do it since he went limp on the floor, sticking his tongue out as an ending flourish. 

You stood up from the table and joined Donghyuck on the floor. You leaned down to connect your lips to his cheek and he sat up so quick you almost bumped foreheads. 

“Kiss of revival, full health restored!” 

“You’re such a dork.”

“Yeah your dork.” Donghyuck stated matter of factly you couldn’t help but nod in agreement as you placed another kiss on his lips this time. 

“Yes my dork, now do you want soy garlic or plain?” Donghyuck looked at you as if he was offended. “Soy garlic it is, go make some rice dork, I’ll order some kimchi too since we ran out.” 

“I like the sound of that.” Donghyuck hummed out, kissing your shoulder.

“Of course you do, it’s hard to forget how much you like kimchi, you’ve gone through two of those big ass jars in a month. It’s a bit concerning actually, how is your stomach not fucked up? 

Donghyuck made a sound of disagreement, which made you raise an eyebrow. Did he even hear anything you said?

“No not that, I liked when you said ‘we ran out’ s’cute, like we’re married.” You didn’t even realize you said that which made you blush, maybe you were getting a little too comfortable. 

Obviously Donghyuck didn’t mind, he seemed to like the pace you were moving at, and you did too, but you didn’t realize how easily you were slipping into the domesticated lifestyle. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it was just surprising, you never thought you would act like that with anyone other than Jaehyun. Now that you were here and got to share it with someone that actually wanted you, it felt nice.

“Marriage is a little extreme.” You pulled up the delivery app on your phone, hoping the harsh light would conceal your blush.

“This early on, I suppose, yeah. After a year or two, though, maybe it won’t seem as extreme.” Donghyuck was now sitting behind you, his chin hooked over your shoulder. 

A small pause filled the air.

“Food’s ordered! I need to keep studying so you need to let go.”

Donghyuck whined loud and dramatically, the nasally sound which would probably be annoying to most made you smile. 

“Look, not all of us are nerdy CS majors.” You kissed his cheek before attempting to stand up and return to the table, but Donghycuk was weighing you down. “Hyuck, come on. The sooner you let me study, the sooner we can go to bed and cuddle.”

“What if I don’t want to cuddle?” His voice was suddenly darker which made you gulp a little.

“We can do that too, but not until I finish studying. The longer you keep me here, the longer you have to wait.” Donghyuck paused for a moment before ultimately letting you go. 

“You better give me the most mind boggling head later.” 

You couldn’t help but scoff as you sat back at the table, continuing your matching game. “I can do more than that, don’t worry. If you keep distracting me though, you won’t be getting anything.”  

“You wouldn’t dare.” Donghyuck was glaring at you from the sink where he was washing rice.

“Try me Donghyuck.”

It was all playful banter, but Donghyuck didn’t bother you after that. Unlike Jaehyun, he actually understood that you needed to pass your classes. You never realized how behind you always were until you were with Donghyuck. Anytime you needed to study he didn’t pressure you into keeping him entertained or rush your studying. Jaehyun did exactly the opposite and while it didn’t always bother you, there were definitely times you wished he wasn’t so pushy. 

After about 45 minutes your food finally arrived and you also felt like you were in a good enough position to stop studying. Your test was in a couple of days, but you needed to stay on top of everything so you didn’t fall behind. Donghyuck prepared both your plates while you put your flashcards away and the two of you ate in a comfortable silence before retiring to his room for the night . 

—————————————————————————

A month and a half later you were at another party. The end of the semester Greek life kickback was in full swing and Donghyuck of course knew a few people who were able to get the both of you in. Since you and Donghyuck were still together, you decided that you would spend your summer with him. Usually you would go home and Jaehyun would drive you to visit, but since the two of you hadn’t spoken since your last “fight” your plans changed. You and Donghyuck still planned to go home to introduce him to your parents at some point, but for now the two of you were basking in the last light of your honeymoon phase. 

Currently you and Donghyuck were outside by the fire pit, smushed together on a hammock as you nursed the shitty alcohol provided by the frat. You met a few of his friends that were in the frat, and all of you were enjoying the night together.

“Wait hold on, he took you out to denny's after and asked you out there?” Chenle, one of the frat brothers and Donghyuck’s friend, asked incredulously.

“Yes, I mean I just thought it was normal for him, but then he told me otherwise. It was kinda cute honestly.” You glanced over at Donghyuck who seemed less than amused with the topic.

“Dude you gotta work on your game.” Jeno commented, taking a sip from his cup.

“Where else was I gonna take her at 2 in the morning?” 

“He has a point.” Jaemin said from beside you. He was the reason you and Donghyuck were basically on top of each other on the hammock. 

“I mean maybe ask after sex like a normal person or order a pizza and ask. Who makes someone get up and go out after blowing their back out.” Chenle argued, spilling his drink slightly as he talked with his hands. 

“I was trying to impress her a bit, pizza is so cliche, also I was trying to make sure she didn’t dip after; pizza in the apartment gives someone the chance to dip.” 

You couldn’t help but giggle as they argued about you as if you weren’t there, but it was entertaining to watch them all go back and forth.

“Ok you have a point, she definitely could’ve dipped. Would you have dipped?” Chenle directed his attention back to you.

“I mean like you said I had just gotten my back blown out, so probably not.” 

“See! You could’ve done pizza.” Donghyuck rolled his eyes at his friend, but ultimately relinquished the fight by putting his hands up.

“I have to pee really quick, I’ll be back. Does anyone need another drink while I'm gone?” You asked as you struggled to stand up from the hammock.

“I’ll take one, just ask for one of the pitchers, they’ll give it to you if you mention my name.” You nodded at Jeno before making your way into the noisy house.

The music was so loud you could feel the house shaking around you, and pushing through all the sweaty bodies was making the experience all the more overwhelming. You knew there was a bathroom on the second floor that was only for frat members, but Jeno and Chenle told you no one would even notice you use it, let alone go upstairs. You regretted wearing a short dress since you had to pull it down with basically every step you took, but Donghyuck had gifted it to you, so it would’ve felt wrong not wearing it. After pushing through for about two minutes you finally saw the stairs, but before you could take the first step you felt someone grabbing your wrist.

“What the fuck!” You looked behind you to see who had the audacity and you almost wish you hadn’t. 

Jaehyun was there, holding your wrist before pulling you into his chest. He wrecked of alcohol and sweat, the smell leaving a sour taste in your mouth as you tried to pull away. 

“Y/N, I missed you. Where have you been?” His words were slurred and he wore a small smirk on his face. The same smirk that used to reel you in made you feel nothing, it honestly disgusted you. 

“With my boyfriend, now if you could let me go I need to pee.” 

“Still? Come on, we need to catch up.” Jaehyun’s grip on your wrist didn’t falter, no matter how much you tugged against his grip. 

“Jae, please let go.” You were trying to keep your voice firm, but you were starting to become distressed. You left your phone with Donghyuck so you couldn’t text him for help and the music was too loud to even think about screaming. You only had one option truthfully. “Jae, just let me use the bathroom and then we can talk.” Your ultimatum seemed to please him because he loosened his grip enough for you to slip away and up the stairs.

You locked the door immediately after you entered the bathroom. You hoped Jaehyun wasn’t so drunk that he wouldn’t try to come in, but you had no idea at this point. You looked across from the door, praying there was a window that you could yell out of to get your boyfriend’s attention, but when you were met with a white wall you lost all hope. For now you just focused on peeing, maybe Donghyuck would come inside and look for you after noticing how long you’d been gone. 

“Hurry up!” Loud banging on the door followed by Jaehyun’s slurred speech startled you as you were washing your hands. You hoped he hadn’t followed you, but of course he did, of course he was behind that door banging on it like a maniac. “If you don’t come out, I’m coming in!” 

You groaned loudly and opened the door, pulling the taller man in. He was still wearing that stupid smirk on his face as he looked down at you.

“You’re still so easy.”

“What?”

You couldn’t believe your ears. It really was a game to him at this point. He sounded completely sober, was he playing you this entire time?

“You sure you like this guy, you opened that door pretty easily. Just admit that you wanted to mess around like old times, I won’t be mad.” Jaehyun stepped closer to you as he spoke, cornering you to the point that your back was painfully pressed against the sink. “Let’s just start again, I’m sure you got over what was going through your head back then. Don’t you miss it? Don’t you miss me, miss being my girl?” He leaned in closer and you could feel your breaths mingling the closer he got to you.

You a few months ago might’ve reacted differently. You probably would’ve kissed him and fallen into his sheets just like every other time. Would’ve gone back to your dorm and cried to Minjeong and Ten like a baby. You were tired of falling and crying though. Tired of letting Jaehyun constantly have his way with you because he knew you would never say no.

“Get the fuck off of me!” Using all your strength you pushed him off. “You do not get to ghost me for almost two months and then suddenly decide you want me back in your life. You’re a selfish piece of shit who only wants to be around me when you’re bored or horny!” Jaehyun opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off. “I’m happy with Donghyuck and I'm sorry you can’t accept that, but it’s the truth. I’m not leaving him anytime soon and even if I did it won’t be for you.”

“You say that, but I’m sure when he breaks your heart like all the others, you’ll be back in my bed.”

“Fuck you!” You seethed before storming out of the bathroom. You could feel tears brimming in your eyes. You felt so stupid, at least you stood up for yourself, but he still knew how to play you like a fiddle and it infuriated you. 

You couldn’t make it all the way down the stairs before bumping into someone’s chest. You mumbled a quick apology as you tried to pull away but a pair of hands held firmly at your shoulders. Not again was all you could think as you tried to push whoever was holding you. “Get the fuck off!” You sounded like you were throwing a tantrum, but you had hit your limit after being cornered and then belittled by your so-called best friend.

 “Hey, babe, it’s just me, calm down? You were gone for a while and I got worr— hey why are you crying?” Ducking your head was the best attempt you could make at trying to hide from Donghyuck. It was futile but you didn’t want to really relive the things Jaehyun had said to you. “Baby, what happened?” 

“Nothing, let’s go back outside.” 

Donghyuck grimaced, but didn’t push any further as he took your hand. Pushing through the sweaty bodies wasn’t as bad this time with his hand warm in yours. You were scared Jaehyun would catch up with you in the kitchen, but hopefully he wouldn’t cause a scene seeing you with Donghyuck. Finally the two of you were back outside with Donghyuck’s friends. The air thankfully didn’t shift, despite your mood and it made it easier to take your mind off of what had happened earlier. 

—————————————————————————

“So you gonna tell me what happened up there?”  

The blinking from the turn signal felt much louder in the silence of the car. Red illuminated the car like a spotlight and it was pointed on you. You could either stay silent and pretend to sleep like you had been doing the entire ride home, or speak and confirm what Donghyuck already knew.

“It was stupid.” 

“You’re such a liar. Clearly it wasn’t that stupid if you won’t talk about it.” 

Silence.

He was right, to you it wasn’t stupid it sucked, but you didn’t want to get Donghyuck riled up. You knew if you told him he’d get pissed, although there was nothing he could do now since the part and Jaehyun were so far behind you.

“It was just Jae being an ass again. That’s all.” 

Out of the corner of your eye you saw his grip on the steering wheel tighten. 

“What did he do?” 

“Donghyuck it’s fin-”

“What did he do!?”

 You couldn’t help but flinch. His tone was harsh; it was the first time he’d ever raised his voice at you.  

“I’m not angry at you. I just want to know what happened.” Donghyuck sighed, features softening as he rubbed a stress-filled hand down his face. “I’m tired of him disrespecting you and our relationship.” 

“If I tell you… what are you gonna do?” Jaehyun was still your best friend at the end of the day. He pissed you off but no matter how horrible he was you couldn’t help but care for him. 

“It depends on what he did.” He glanced over at you just as the light turned green. 

Now your red spotlight was being replaced by spotty harsh yellows and whites as you drove through the sleepy streets of your college town. It was still yours despite the erratic flickering, but it felt more like an interrogation light they way it would suddenly flash on and off.

“I mean it’s like you said, he disrespected me and our relationship…” Maybe this would be enough for him?

“Y/N, stop being vague.”

A sigh and another awkward pregnant silence filled the space.

“He pretended he was drunk and tried to kiss me after cornering me in the bathroom.” You wouldn’t dare look at Donghyuck. Even though you didn’t cheat you still felt so dirty letting Jaehyun talk to you like that. You didn’t understand why you thought you’d be able to have a civil conversation  with the way he’s been acting lately. Some part of you kept holding out hope that things could go back to how they were in high school, but each day that went by proved that it could never be the same.

“When we get home, I want his number.” 

“Hyuck, it’s over, can we please drop it?”

You didn’t even notice that you were now parked in the garage under his apartment. 

“No, I already told you I’m tired of him disrespecting you.” You could tell he was trying his best not to raise his voice. “I’m tired of him acting like a child just because he’s upset at something he did. You didn’t break things off, he did, so he can’t be upset at you for moving on.”  

“I know…I just-”

“You just what? You just don’t want to hurt his feelings? Because he’s, oh let me guess: your best friend?” You opened your mouth, but Donghyuck’s voice was filling the suffocating space instead of your own. “ He’s not your best friend anymore Y/N, if anything he's more like a frenemy. He only cares about you when it benefits him. Wake up!”

You felt like you were being choked by the truth. You knew he was right, but your stupid pride didn’t want to admit that. Jaehyun cared about you, he was just being weird. Granted he had been weird since you started fucking, but that was the besides the point. He had to still care about you deep down, a friendship like yours can’t just fall apart like that. Can it? 

“Look I’m not gonna keep lecturing you, but I’m also not gonna take shit like this lightly. You and Jaehyun need to have a conversation about this shit, because the next time it happens, I will beat his ass.” Donghyuck slammed the door leaving you alone in the car. Alone with your thoughts and your phone. 

Ring

Ring

Ring

“Hello?”

“Jae…”

“Hmm?”

“We need to talk.”

—————————————————————————

“So Y/N is spending the break with her boyfriend?” 

Jaehyun didn’t want to hear about you anymore. Your talk didn’t go bad per say, but his guilty conscience wouldn’t get any better the more you were talked about. The talk was filled with tears and apologies, and ultimately Jaehyun agreed to give you some space. After some much needed reflecting he realized that Johnny and Mark were ultimately right, which he hated to admit, but deep down he always knew they were.

“Yeah, they really hit it off, she told me she's visiting next month though.” Jaehyun answered, pushing around the large shell noodles on his plate, as if something new would appear underneath the creamy sauce the plate was drenched in. 

“Oh good, I’ll give her mom a ring and see if we could have a nice dinner all together? I’d love to meet this boy, he sounds lovely based on what Y/MN (your mother’s name)  has told me!” He loved that his mother was excited for you, it was only natural. She considered you like the daughter she never had, and you considered her like your second mother. 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

“Honey, you’ve been off since you got home, what’s wrong?” Curse mother’s intuition. 

“I just messed up. Me and Y/N had a falling out, but it was my fault.” The fork made an ugly screech across the plate. “Mom…I think I’m in love with her.”

The gasp of shock he was expecting never came so Jaehyun was finally forced to meet gazes with his mom.

“Oh sweetie…I know. I’ve known for a long time.” He didn’t know why he expected her not to. Moms always know when somethings up. “Jae, your lack of dating through college was enough evidence. Also I was young once too, playing footsies under the table and then going on a “walk” is not the most amazing cover up.” 

Jaehyun groaned, wishing he could disappear, but he should’ve known his mother was more perceptive than he gave her credit for. “Please try to forget about that, but yeah we had a fling, kind of, it's complicated.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jaehyun only nodded in response. “I’ll bring out some dessert and tea.” 

True to her word Jaehyun was now sitting with a large piece of cake and a steaming cup of tea, while recounting some of his very shameful behavior to his mother. 

“And now we’re not really talking much. I check on her here and there, but we don’t call like we used to. We haven’t hung out one on one in months truthfully.” Jaehyun was treating his cake almost like his half eaten pasta at the moment, smushing it around like a child who didn’t want to eat their veggies.

“I don’t blame her for not talking to you honestly.” His mother sighed, taking a small sip from her tea. “You do have a good one though, you’re lucky she hasn’t cut you off.” 

“I know… I just don’t know what to do though. Like I'm just supposed to let her slip from my fingers and be fine with it?”

Mrs. Jeong clicked her tongue and gave her son a knowing look. “I mean yeah. You had your chance to make her yours and I think she gave you more than enough time to get your head out of your ass.” Jaehyun could only nod as he waited for the next onslaught of lectures. “Look baby, you’re just gonna have to be happy for her. It sucks and it’s probably never not going to suck, but if you care for her you’ll wait for her.” 

“But what if they like, last longer and he proposes or something?” 

Another knowing look and a sad smile.

“Then you’re just gonna have to accept it. She went and found something that makes her feel wanted, you can’t blame her for wanting that forever.” 

No mother wanted this for their son, but she also wasn’t going to lie to him. Jaehyun knew that, he always did, but some part of him wanted to be babied and told it would be ok, even if it wasn’t.

—————————————————————————

Finally you were venturing home to visit as well as introduce Donghyuck to your family. You weren’t terribly nervous, but you could tell that Donghyuck was. He had spent all week picking out the perfect clothes to wear in front of your family, as well bought gifts for your mother and father. You kept reassuring him that it wasn’t necessary, but he just couldn’t fathom walking into your house empty handed. 

“Donghyuck, the gifts you got are enough, you don’t need to buy flowers and a cake.” 

“I can’t show up empty handed to a potluck! Also the flowers are a housewarming gift.” He had his hands pressed against the glass of the cake display, looking at all the various options he could choose from. 

“Baby, they’ve lived in that house for twenty years, so you’re about two decades late for housewarming. “

“Should we get ganache or buttercream? Actually don’t answer that, I'm getting both.” 

You rolled your eyes, but relented in your efforts to stop him. Donghyuck clearly had his mind made up on how to impress your parents, and you weren’t going to burst his bubble. Your parents already liked him from how highly you spoke of him, but if this would ease his mind you weren’t going to ruin his fun.

“Y/N, welcome home darling! Oh, and you must be Donghyuck, I’ve heard so much about you!” Your mother welcomed both of you with kisses on your cheeks and tight hugs. 

“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Y/LN (your last name).” Donghyuck ever the charmer handed the large bouquet to your mother as well as a small box. She opened it and gasped at the pearl earrings held inside. “I hope they’re to your liking, I can always exchange them for something different-“

“Oh sweetheart they’re wonderful, please don’t fret. Come on, let’s go join everyone else.” 

Your mother led you and Donghyuck out to the backyard where the whole neighborhood seemed to be in attendance. You made your rounds, saying hi to all the attendees and introducing Donghyuck whose nerves seemed to melt the more he talked. After what felt like an hour of talking (more like 20 minutes), you finally got an opportunity to talk to your father. He seemed more than pleased with Donghyuck and the watch that he was gifted by him. 

“This one’s a keeper, Y/n, don’t fumble.” Your fathers attempt at whispering was pretty poor so you rolled your eyes in response before shooting an apologetic look at your boyfriend. Donghyuck found it amusing though. It was a relief to know all your family liked him so far. Your neighbors seemed charmed as well which was doing wonders for not only his nerves but his ego as well.

“So how did you two meet?” Your father took a swig of his beer while flipping over one of the hamburger patties on the grill. He was definitely one of the best multitaskers you knew, especially when there was alcohol or grilling involved.

“At a party, he wined and dined me at a Denny's afterwards.” You smiled at Donghyuck, leaning against his arm. You could feel a pair of eyes on you as you talked to your father, but chose to ignore it. 

“I promise we went on better dates afterwards.” Your father seemed amused at your boyfriend's hurried tone. It was cute Donghyuck felt like he had something else to prove. You knew he had already won your parents over, especially since you gushed so much about him over the phone to your mother; but he was in the right to feel a bit nervous still. “We’re actually going on a skiing trip for winter break, some of my extended family owns the lodge we’re staying at.” That was new to you. You looked up at him in disbelief and Donghyuck simply winked at you, his little way of saying “surprise”. 

“Is your family rich?” Your dad sure was subtle. 

“We come from a bit of old money, but I do work myself. I’m slated to take over the IT division of my uncle’s company after I graduate.” Your dad seemed very intrigued and so were you. Donghyuck wasn’t usually one to brag which is probably why this was the first time you were hearing any of this. You knew Donghyuck was a hard worker and he didn’t like talking handouts, even his tuition was covered by a scholarship and not his mom. You weren’t sure how much his mom made, but he had told you she was an entrepreneur and she made enough to cover his school, but he refused. His hardworking attitude was one of the things you loved about Donghyuck. Even though he found school relatively easy, he refused to do a stream or even relax until all his work was done for the week. It led to a lot of all-nighters, to the point where he would finally join you in bed when you were about to get up for the day, but it left more time for the two of you to be together at the end of the week. 

“You sound like you have a bright future ahead of you son, good for you.” You could see Donghyuck practically preen at the praise, which made you giggle a little. “Now then make sure you keep this one in line, also a ring on that finger in six months would be great!” You were seriously gonna punch your dad later.

“If she’ll have me, I’ll make it happen” You gawked at Donghyuck. You didn’t understand how he could so casually talk about marriage when the two of you had only been together for a few months. Sure you’d been to a few of Jaehyun’s friends' weddings, he was about to graduate after all so it was normal for people his age to get married. You, however, felt way too young to even be flirting with the thought of marriage. 

“Ok that’s enough you two, I don’t need you giving him any more ideas.” You pulled Donghyuck away to go make small talk with the few neighbors you hadn’t greeted yet. One of them was unfortunately Jaehyun, but it felt wrong to not at least say “hi.” 

Donghyuck was in fine spirits, but the moment he realized where you were pulling him, his happy demeanor frosted over into a glare. Jaehyun had no idea the two of you were even venturing over, but you wanted to keep it that way. Hopefully Donghyuck would be civil, once you approached him, but you knew that glare would throw everything off immediately. You nudge your boyfriend to fix his face before tapping on Jaehyun’s shoulder. Jaehyun turned around slightly confused, but replaced his shock with a tight lip smile. You glanced at Donghyuck just to make sure he wasn’t still glaring, and thankfully he wasn’t but he wasn’t wearing the most pleasant expression either.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Jaehyun asked awkwardly.

Before you could answer, Donghyuck placed a protective arm around your waist, pulling you closer to his side. You shot a small glare at him, because you understood he had his qualms about Jaehyun, but you hoped he could at least be civil for five minutes. 

“It’s going well, just making my rounds with Hyuck. What about you? How’s your summer going?” You did your best to pretend like your boyfriend and your ex friend with benefits, weren’t currently having a silent battle, but it was proving to be quite difficult. You don’t know why you have a thing for strong personalities, but clearly it’s biting you in the ass currently.

“It’s going fine. How’s your summer? Enjoying your honeymoon?”

Oh fuck.

“It’s going great, our summer and our “honeymoon.”” Donghyuck bit back at Jaehyun, moving his hand down lower so it was resting practically on your ass. You didn’t miss the way Jaehyun’s eyes followed his hand.

You had to admit it was kinda hot seeing Donghyuck annoyed and the possessiveness was also a bit of a turn on. However, you weren’t gonna continue to let the two have a petty war over nothing. You and Jaehyun talked and agreed to be civil and hopefully rekindle your friendship, but you knew Donghyuck wasn’t entirely happy about that. So you could understand why Donghyuck was acting this way, but Jaehyun was being a bit ridiculous, in your opinion.

“Guys, can we not?” 

“Can we not, what? We’re just having a nice conversation.” You threw Donghyuck a scandalized look. You understand why he was pissed at Jaehyun, but you weren’t gonna let him take that tone with you. 

“Jae, we’ll be back.” You wave the older goodbye before dragging Donghyuck inside and upstairs. You found the nearest bedroom, not caring if it was the guest room before locking it. “You’ve lost your fucking mind.” You didn’t mean to snap at him but you were so frustrated with all the petty bullshit.

“You can’t be serious right now.” Donghyuck huffed out. “I’m out of my fucking mind? Did you not just hear him disrespecting us once again?” Donghyuck had a point but you just wished for once he would be the bigger person instead of letting Jaehyun under his skin immediately. “Why do I always have to yield to his douchery?” 

“Donghyuck, it’s just easier if you don’t give him a reaction. He’s bitter and hurt, he’s working through it.” 

Your boyfriend pokes his tongue on the inside of his cheek, chuckling ruefully at you. “He’s bitter and hurt? Well he wouldn’t be if he actually treated you like you were worth something! It’s not my fault that I actually give you what you were looking for! I shouldn’t have to be his fucking punching bag!” 

“If anyone is his punching bag it’s fucking me!” 

You were both screaming and you were sure anyone close enough to the window could hear you two. Clearly this was something that needed to be addressed, again. 

“You’re not the one who’s been harassed and made to feel like shit by their own best friend, for months, just because I found something better.” Here came the tears of course. You hated crying during these conversations but everything just seemed to come out no matter how hard you tried to hold back. “I’ve been trying to fix shit, on both ends. And I know you don’t see it but he’s been trying.” Donghyuck looked skeptically at you, but he knew you weren’t done so he didn’t comment. “He wants to be able to be in a room with us and not feel like absolute shit, but it’s just kinda hard for him.” You sighed, because you knew what you were about to tell Donghyuck wasn’t a surprise, but he hated hearing it. “He came to the conclusion that he is in love with me and has been for a while, but didn’t want to admit it. I know he fucked up and lost his chance, he knows that too, but watching someone you love be happy with someone that isn’t you is hard.” You shot a pointed look. “Even you have to admit that.”

Donghyuck sighed. He did know that was hard. He watched it happen in high school to one of his friends. Which is probably why this whole thing made him so angry, it just felt like a repeat but instead of being a bystander, he was in the middle. 

“Ok yeah, you’re right. I’ll give him some grace.” You felt sort of relieved that Donghyuck was willing to yield at least this once, but you weren’t going to take his kindness for granted. If Jaehyun ever truly stepped out of line as bad as he did at the frat you would end your friendship entirely. That was something you promised to Donghyuck that same night. Aside from that though, Jaehyun said he was going to do his best to be a good sport, and while he was off to a bad start, you hoped he would at least apologize later. 

Donghyuck engulfed you into a nice bear hug that you couldn’t help but smile and giggle at. He gave the best hugs and always seemed to know when you needed one. “We’re ok, I’m sorry for being rude out there, especially towards you.” 

“It’s ok. I’m sorry I snapped at you that was uncalled for.” 

“It’s ok, I know you just want me and bighead to get along.” Lord, he's been spending way too much time with Minjeong lately. 

“Alright Minjeong Jr., let’s get back out there.”

Just as you opened the door you came face to chest with Jaehyun who had his fist raised up. He must’ve been about to knock, but as always your weird friend-sense seemed to beat him to it.

“Hey, I just came to apologize.” 

“It's all cool man, I’m sorry too.” You were a little surprised Donghyuck apologized, but honestly it made you happy that there was a possibility the two of them could get along. “Also, I don’t know if this is too much to ask, but would you maybe want to game sometime?”  That surprised you even more.

“Like all of us, or just you and me?” Jaehyun seemed surprised too, but clearly wasn’t entirely opposed.

“Just you and I. She refuses to play Overwatch and we need another player for our team. Who do you main?” 

“Cassidy” Jaehyun finally cracked a small smile on what felt like ages. 

“Nice, we’ve been needing another DPS on our team, you down to join?” Donghyuck asked cooley, bringing his hand up to dap up the other man. 

“Yeah, just shoot me a message whenever.” Jaehyun pulled out his phone, swiping through until he found discord. 

“Real, we’re going home in a few days, so maybe we can play then if you’re back too.” 

You felt like a third wheel at this point. You knew if the two ever found a middle ground it would definitely be gaming. 

“Sure, I should be back like a day after yall I think.

“Sounds great.”

—————————————————————————

Donghyuck and Jaehyun had been texting for almost an hour now and you were starting to feel like it was a bad idea that they exchanged contact info. Not because they were fighting, but because they were getting along a little too well. 

Donghyuck had been giggling at his phone like a schoolgirl the whole time, while you just laid next to him scrolling on your own phone. “I can’t believe we were beefing before. You did this on purpose.” 

You gawked at your boyfriend, scandalized that he would even accuse you of that. “Hyuck I did not! You think I would make up that shit about him harassing me at the frat party?” 

A skeptical look.

“Unbelievable.” You flopped backwards onto the bed. “My boyfriend is gonna leave me for my old situationship slash best friend.” You threw your hand over your face dramatically. Trying to gain some sort of leverage over Donghyuck.

“You’re right, I am.” Donghyuck supplied, still typing away at his phone. 

Scoffing, you tried to peek at what the two were talking about. “What is he even saying to have you this enraptured? I’m literally laid out all nice for you and you’re not even interested.” You weren’t really wearing anything special, but you were wearing one of Donghyuck’s oversized shirts and some nice panties, which usually would’ve caught his attention by now. 

“Babe that’s nasty, your parents are literally down the hall. Also we’re talking about genshin, since you refuse to play that too.” He did have a point about your parents, but you could be quiet… sometimes. “Besides we have all summer for that, I do still enjoy seeing you in my shirts if that’s what you’re worried about though.” He placed a small kiss on your temple, trying his best to reassure you.

“I’m not worried about that. I’m worried about you and big head talking about my deepest darkest secrets.” You knew Donghyuck was better than that, but sometimes Jaehyun wasn’t. You learned from Mark that sometimes Jaehyun didn’t know when to shut his mouth about you and sex. It wasn’t entirely embarrassing since sex was normal, but you also didn’t like your business to be aired out like that. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll only make fun of you when you’re around to defend yourself.” Donghyuk was suddenly above you, a teasing smirk playing at his lips. “Besides, I’m too possessive. Only I get to talk about you like that, and I'll keep it that way.” You were starting to regret not booking a hotel like Donghyuck initially suggested. He was practically purring as he spoke and the words were going straight to your core.

“Are you sure we can’t mess around a little… I’ll be quiet.” 

The laughter that spilled out of Donghyuck was infectious, you knew it was a ridiculous request but no one could blame you trying. 

“You’re unbelievable, It’s only two more days. Think about how good the sex will be.

“It could be good now.” You pouted up at him through your lashes.

“Well I'd like to be invited back in the future, so you’re just gonna have to wait.” He kissed your pout away just as quick as it appeared, smiling down at you softly when he pulled back. 

You loved moments like this, moments where it just felt like you and Donghyuck. Moments where you’d lightly trace your fingers over his moles, connecting them like constellations. 

“Fine, I’ll wait, but don’t expect me to lift a single finger.” 

Donghyuck simply rolled his eyes before rolling back over next to you. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” He yawned, pulling you closer to his frame.

—————————————————————————

The fall semester was finally here and it was a shit show. You started your nursing internship at one of the local hospitals and instead of challenging classes taking up the majority of your time, it was now strenuous shifts there. You weren’t working 80 hours like most nurses, but the majority of your days were spent at the hospital. And when you weren’t working you were sleeping. You were honestly glad Donghyuck and Jaehyun were gaming buddies now, because you didn’t have the energy to or time to pay as much attention to Donghyuck as you wished. He was being a good sport through it all, but you could tell your lack of intimacy and time together was starting to take a toll on him.

Now it was 2am and you were punching in the six digit code to Donghyuck’s apartment. Even though you still had a dorm with Minjeong you felt some part of Donghyuck was fulfilled when he woke up next to you. So here you were after your 10 minute walk in the cool, early morning, August air. Your scrubs felt and probably smelled dank against your body and you were so thankful that this weekend would probably be spent in Donghyuck oversized shirts and your own shorts while you caught up on sleep and time together. 

Upon entering the house you made a beeline for the shower, wanting to wash all the sterile hospital smell off of you. You were in the infant ward today so most of your day was spent cooing at babies as well as checking their vitals. You changed a few diapers, helped a few mothers, all in all it wasn’t as intense as some other days this week. It was honestly a nice break. It still didn’t change the fact that you were exhausted though. The hot water was working wonders on your aching body, but you honestly didn’t know how much longer you could stand. Deciding on just a body shower you quickly lathered and rinsed yourself before turning off the steaming shower head. You blindly reached your hand out for your towel. All you could feel was the slightly dewy metal of the towel rack before you finally made contact with the fluffy cloth and something else. Something that felt warm and familiar.

“What are you doing up?” You questioned who you hoped was your boyfriend and not some stranger who followed you home amidst your post shift delirium. You were patting your face dry, so you couldn’t really see Donghyuck behind the towel or

the steam that covered the glass of the shower door.

“I was gaming. I wanted to make sure you got here safely.” You could hear the fatigue in his voice. Donghyuck rarely stayed up late, which was surprising since most gamers tended to have a horrible sleeping schedule. Donghyuck was the exception though, opting to wake up in the morning hours to get his homework and other errands out of the way and saving his nights for streams that ran no later than 11:00pm. When you had a normal sleeping schedule, this worked very well for both of you, but now it made you upset that he felt the need to derail his own sleep just for you.

“Thank you for waiting up, it means a lot. Don’t make a habit of it though, I want you to sleep. You shouldn’t stay up just for me.” You stepped out of the shower, the towel now wrapped around your frame. The steam cleared and there was Donghyuck in his overtired glory. Eyelids so droopy you were worried he would fall asleep standing up. “Did you at least take a nap?” You crossed the bathroom until you were standing in front of him, cupping his face before planting a sweet kiss on his lips.

Donghyuck shook his head. “I woke up late today.” 

You wanted to counter that statement since Donghyuck never slept past 10am, but decided to leave it alone. You were grateful he waited for you. It was nice knowing you would fall asleep in his arms and not just impossibly close to his frame for comfort. 

“You can go, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” 

Another shake. 

You knew there was no point in pushing it so you got dressed and finished up the rest of your night time routine as quickly as possible. When you and Donghyuck finally fell into the sheets together, it was a little past 2:30. You were a mess of tangled limbs and tacky skin as you tried to find a comfortable position to cuddle in and once you did both you and Donghyuck released a contented sigh. 

“This internship sucks.” Donghyuck sighed, placing a chaste kiss on the back of your neck.

“I know, but it’s only one semester. I’ll be all yours for graduation.” You did your best to speak through a yawn that Donghyuck caught after you.

“It’s not enough, it should be illegal for you to be at the hospital that long.” 

“Well I’m also sleeping for a lot of that time.” You tried to reason.

“Shhh, blame the hospital, not your body’s needs.” Donghyuck’s words were starting to slur, a true testament to how tired he actually was. The fact that he had managed to stay up this late was impressive enough, but you knew in seconds if not minutes you’d be hearing soft snores. “You’re off this weekend right?” You couldn’t help but chuckle a little. He’s asked that at least three times this week, it was cute, almost like he was in disbelief that he’d actually get to spend time with you. “It’s not funny. I only get to see you when you’re sleeping, it’s kinda creepy.” 

“Ew, you watch me when I sleep?” 

“You’re lucky I just watched, the amount of times I wanted to draw a mustache on you is a bit concerning.” Donghyuck yawned again, snuggling closer to your back.

“You’re terrible.” Was all you could muster as you finally let sleep win, drifting off into a much needed slumber.

—————————————————————————

“Dude, we’re being eaten alive over here, where are you?” Donghyuck whisper-shouted into his headset. You were still sleeping so he was trying his best to control his volume, but his team was getting beat so bad that he wanted to scream. 

“There’s a fucking sniper on my ass, everytime I step out they shoot at me.” Jaehyun yelled into his headset, groaning as another attempt at aiding his team was thwarted by the widowmaker that had him in their sights.

“Fuck they got Jeno again.” Jisung cursed.

“Jae just throw a flashbang at the building, it’ll at least stun them.” Donghyuck seethed into the mic. He looked back at the bed to make sure you were still soundly asleep and in that one moment. he was gunned down with his fellow teammates. “Fuck!” Donghyuck quickly covered his mouth, beating himself up when he heard you stir in bed. He didn’t mean to yell, but unfortunately at the end of the day he was a gamer, a very passionate gamer.

“What time is it?” You groaned quietly, craning your head slightly to get a better view of your boyfriend. 

“It’s a little past noon, I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to yell.” Donghyuck could hear the guys making fun of him through his headset, but chose to ignore it.

“S’okay. You playing with the guys?” You stretched in bed, arching your back in an attempt to wake up.

“Yeah, you wanna say hi?” 

You made an affirmative sound before pulling the gaming chair from the desk Donghyuck bought for you. The desk was for school, but he argued that a gaming chair was more comfortable than a regular rolling chair. 

You grabbed the second headset Donghyuck also bought for you, so you could talk to the guys while he gamed. “Good morning…” You yawned into the mic, leaning your head back on the headrest of the chair.

“Hi Y/N!” A chorus of deep voices chirped back.

“How’s the internship going?” Jeno piped up, healing Donghyuck in the process.

“It’s going fine, I like it a lot. I’m just tired… all the time. Next week I go on day shift though, so I’ll have a decent sleeping schedule.” You could see the way Donghyuck was grinning at that information. It had been a long time since the two of you had a normal sleeping schedule and even if this was only for a few weeks, he would be happy with what he could get.

“Any hot doctors, or are you still into mr. loser?” Jaehyun jabbed. In the past that would probably be something that you and Donghyuck wouldn’t laugh at. As of now though all the bad blood was gone and you could comfortably joke like you used to with Jaehyun. It made you happy that he and Donghyuck could get along and that you and Jaehyun were slowly patching up your own relationship.

“No, I still love mr. loser, that might change in a few wee— Babe on your left!” 

“Fuck yeah!” With your help he was able to gun down one of the enemies and get the kill count almost even. “What the fuck how did you even see them?” Donghyuck didn’t understand why you didn’t want to play Overwatch when you had such good eye coordination. Even if you couldn’t play fps  games,you could at least heal or provide support. 

“I don’t know, I thought they were pretty obvious.” You shrugged, stealing a sip from the coffee next to his keyboard. “Did you get me any?” Donghyuck nodded, motioning to the bedside table. You planted a quick peck on his cheek before retrieving the caffeinated beverage and your phone. “Did you eat yet?” 

“No, there’s no food though…” Donghyuck replied sheepishly. Unfortunately when your sleep schedule was shitty, so was his. The usual time your boyfriend would go get groceries was now nap time while the rest was focused on school or streaming.

“I’ll order something, don’t worry.”

—————————————————————————

Another end of semester frat party is where you found yourself tonight. Your internship had ended a few days ago and after some much needed rest you were ready to kick back with Donghyuck and your friends. Currently you and Donghyuck were in a heated game of beer pong against Minjeong and Ten. At this point both teams had three cups left, it could be anyone’s game— you were determined to make it yours. 

“Go to the left a little- too far… there you go.” Donghyuck had been your coach all game and you two probably looked sickening. He was standing directly behind you, one hand on your waist, the other on your throwing arm. Ten and Minjeong claimed you were cheating, but you begged to differ since you were the one actually throwing. “Go ahead, baby.”

Cautiously you moved your arm back and forth to get the right angle, once you were satisfied you let the ball go. The ball bounced once before sinking nicely into the cup full of beer across the table. Ten and Minjeong exchanged equally unimpressed looks before rock, paper, scissoring over who would have to chug the beer. Ten lost for what was now the third time in a row and begrudgingly downed the drink. 

It was now Donghyuck’s turn and with ease he managed to land the ball in the second to last cup. Ten and Minjeong looked scared now. There was one cup left and while it could still be anyone’s game— Donghyuck had the ball. 

“Can she just chug this and end it?” Ten asked, wanting to spare himself the humiliation of possibly throwing up. 

“Nope.” With that simple deceleration the ball was

sunk in the cup. 

—————————————————————————

After cup pong you and Donghyuck took to the dance floor before he decided he wanted to do karaoke. He was singing an amazing rendition of “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO. While you enjoyed watching him, the stuffy atmosphere of the frat was starting to make you feel a bit light headed. 

“I’m gonna step outside for a bit!” You shouted at Jeno before making your way towards the back door. Sliding the glass door open made you release a sigh of relief when you felt the chill of winter air against your skin. Thankfully a cropped puffer was a part of your less than winter appropriate party outfit, so you at least had something to keep you warm. 

When the chill started to become a problem you moved to sit by the fire. Warming up your fingers and legs as you appreciated the quiet crackling as opposed to loud bass you could still hear thudding on the house. You sat there for a moment with your thoughts and the fire as your only company before you heard the back door slide open. You didn’t bother craning your neck, figuring it was some random party goer searching for the same solace you were just a few minutes ago. 

“I didn’t think I’d find you out here.” Jaehyun sat in the chair next to you, beer slung loosely in his hand. He tipped the bottle towards, but you declined. You had way too much during your beer pong game and you were just now starting to sober up. “Surprised you aren’t watching your boyfriend’s performance. He’s doing a pretty good rendition of “Billie Jean.”” 

“I was, but I needed some air, we pregammed here so I’ve been in the house for a while.”

 Jaehyun hummed, taking a swig of his beer before returning his gaze to the fire. “So next semester will be your one year, right?”

“Yeah, mid april, kinda hard to believe.” The conversation was awkward. Jaehyun was definitely holding something back, but as always he seemed too stubborn to admit it. “Is there something on your mind, you’re being weird.”

“You’re too intuitive, sometimes.” He chuckled, had still fixed on the fire as if looking at you would turn him to stone. “I don’t know how to say this without making you upset.” 

That confused you. The two of you haven’t fought and neither has he or Donghyuck lately, so this was odd. 

“What do you mean— why would I get upset?”

“I think I’m still in love with you.” 

Your breath halted for a moment. Now it was your turn to stare into the fire. You don’t know what you were expecting, but it surely wasn’t this. In the Eight months that you two had cut things off

you were very confident in the fact that you had no romantic feelings for Jaehyun whatsoever. This didn’t necessarily throw a curveball at you, honestly it made you kinda angr— oh, that’s what he meant.

“Jae… this isn’t- we’re not doing this again.” How could you say this without blowing up? “If you said this to me 7 months ago, I probably would’ve dropped everything and ran back to you.” You sighed deeply, blinking back tears you didn’t even realize were forming. “I’m happy now… I really love Donghyuck. I love you too, but not in that way anymore.” You were crying now, but you didn’t know why. In a way this was the closure you always wanted, but not what you expected him to say.

“I don’t want you to drop everything… I just…” He took a deep sigh. “I wanted to tell you, so that I can get over you.” 

“You want me to reject you?” You looked at him dumbfounded.

“More or Less, yeah.” 

You sniffled as you tried your best to compose yourself. “This is not how I wanted to get my closure, but whatever.” Chuckling a bit you took a deep breath, “Jae, I don’t love you as more than a friend. I’m happy with Donghyuck, and I can genuinely see us lasting for a long time.” You felt so stupid saying that, but you also felt somewhat relieved hearing it out loud. “Was that good enough?”

“That was perfect.” 

Taglist: @snapcracklen, @peachesmilk, @clblnz, @ahgazen, @dulyrana

[marsplastic13]

'Complicated' (Part 4) - Kaz Brekker x reader

Idea - Kaz Brekker hires a prostitute to overcome his touch aversion, and be a better man for Inej, but things take an unxepected turn. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Prostitute!Reader, (had to use y/n because I'm bad at names) Genre: modern AU, slow burn word count: 5.1k notes: please let me know what you think <3

@millercontracting @coldmermaidhologram

tw: past abusive relationship, also, things are going to be more explicit from here

Kaz and y/n were on her bed. She was wearing little to no clothes, and they were slowly working on getting him to some level of undressing. Inej would be back in a week, and his nerves were preventing him from being more at ease. y/n was seated on his lap, her legs on his sides, and was slowly unbuttoning his shirt, talking to him, kissing him, keeping him distracted from her fingers. Kaz, on the other hand, was fighting with half of his brain not to throw up and the other half not to react too evidently to their position. y/n was so close that he was sure she would be able to feel any changes. He knew she wouldn’t mind, but he would want to erase himself from the earth.

“Kaz, breathe,” she reminded him. His shirt was open, and she was taking in the sight of his upper body.

“Stop biting your lip,” he said playfully.

“Sorry, you’re a good view,” she replied, smiling.

She waited for him to steady himself a bit and was about to touch his chest when they heard someone screaming outside.

“y/n, where the fuck are you?”

The girl paled. “No, no, no. Who the fuck let him in?” she said, panicking. She quickly got up and put on a robe.

Someone kept shouting angrily for her. “y/n, what is going on?” asked Kaz, worried. He had never seen her embarrassed about anything, and there she was, trembling with wide eyes.

“My ex-boyfriend,” she whispered. “I have to try and get him out,” she said before leaving the room.

Kaz listened to the loud noise. They were both screaming. A brutal bang followed by her crying in pain made him jump out of the bed and storm out of the room, just to witness the guy slamming her into the wall. Kaz grabbed him by the shoulders and forcefully got him out of the apartment, while the other guy kept shouting.

“Who are you? Another one of her clients or one of her boyfriends? That whore is going to ruin you too,” he spat before Kaz threw him down the stairs.

He found her crying on the floor, her temple bloodied, and she was holding her right side. It was the first glimpse of her real life that he saw. Kaz let her compose herself a bit, then helped her up, hissing in pain.

“Can you take me to the police?” she asked with puffy eyes. He nodded, and they gathered their things and got in the car.

The silence was heavy. “Do you want to talk about it?” Kaz needed desperately to know more.

“He was my client. I fell for him. Of course, things didn’t work out because he couldn’t bear the idea of me keeping my job while staying with him.” She talked in brief points, like she had told the story a million times. “Then he started beating the shit out of me regularly so I couldn’t work. It took me months to get out of it. Sometimes he still gets drunk and—” her voice trailed off. Kaz’s hand was already on her thigh, and he squeezed it reassuringly.

They spent some time at the police station, where they blamed her for her bad choices in men. Kaz felt his stomach sink at her defeated face.

“I can call an Uber, there’s no need for you to take me back home,” she whispered once outside. All of his cells screamed that it was the right thing to let her go.

“I’m not letting you go back to that place tonight. You’re staying with me,” he stated firmly.

y/n froze. “Kaz, you already did enough, there’s no need to—”

“y/n, I’m serious. Don’t worry.”

“I… I don’t want to make this weird.”

“It’s not. Come on,” he insisted, opening the car door for her. She hesitantly got inside.

“Can we get McDonald’s?” she asked in a small voice.

He chuckled. “Weren’t you a vegan?”

“Oh, shut up,” she said, letting a nervous laugh escape her lips.

On the drive to his place, they made a detour to the nearest McDonald’s drive-thru.

“What do you want?” he asked her.

“Uhm, a Happy Meal, with chicken nuggets.”

“A Happy Meal? That’s all you’re going to eat?” Kaz raised an eyebrow, skeptical.

“Yes,” she replied with a small smile.

Kaz shook his head, bemused, then ordered two of his usual Big Mac meals and one Happy Meal. As they drove, the car filled with the scent of fast food, providing a strange sense of comfort amidst the chaos of the evening.

When they arrived at his apartment, Kaz opened the door and ushered her inside. “I like your house,” she said, looking around appreciatively at the minimalist, yet cozy decor.

“Make yourself comfortable,” he said, gesturing to the couch while he changed into something more comfortable. When he returned, she was seated, her Happy Meal open on the coffee table, the TV already set to Netflix.

They ate in silence, the soft glow of the television casting a warm light over the room. Kaz watched her as she nibbled on her nuggets, her appetite seeming even smaller in his spacious living room.

After just two nuggets, she declared, “I’m full.”

“Are you sure?” he insisted, concerned she wasn’t eating enough. She nodded, avoiding his gaze and playing with the toy she found in the happy meal. 

“I have something for bruises that works really well. I’ll get it for you,” Kaz said, leaving her momentarily to retrieve a small jar of cream from the bathroom. Returning, he found her waiting patiently, her eyes shadowed with exhaustion and pain.

She tilted her head to let him apply the cream to the bruise on her temple, then lifted her shirt slightly to expose the large, darkening bruise forming on her side. Kaz’s hands trembled slightly as he tried to avoid touching her breast, focusing solely on the task at hand. The proximity was intoxicating and terrifying all at once.

“All done,” he said, pulling away and snapping the lid back onto the jar.

“Thanks, Kaz,” she murmured. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No way, I’ll take the couch,” he countered immediately.

“I am not going to let you leave me your bed. Come on,” she insisted.

“I wasn’t asking,” he said firmly.

y/n sighed, looking at him for a long moment. “We can sleep in the same bed. We already did it,” she said softly.

Kaz held his breath, memories flooding back. Yes, they had slept together, but under very different circumstances—circumstances that involved a transaction. 

“I mean, if you’re comfortable with it,” she added quickly, sensing his hesitation.

“I thought you didn’t work outside your house,” he said, cursing himself for what he was implying.

y/n smiled, a small, genuine smile that reached her eyes. “I’m not working tonight.”

Kaz's heart pounded in his chest. “Okay, then. Let’s get some sleep,” he said, trying to sound casual.

They made their way to his bedroom. The room was simple, yet elegant, with dark wood furniture and crisp white linens. Kaz rummaged through his wardrobe to find something for her to sleep in, carefully avoiding the section where Inej's clothes hung—a stark reminder of the boundaries he was perilously close to crossing. He handed y/n a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, averting his gaze as she changed in front of him. The intimacy of the moment made his heart race, but he forced himself to look away, focusing instead on the patterns in the wood grain of the floor.

Kaz slid into bed, feeling the cool sheets against his skin, while y/n brushed her teeth in the bathroom. The mundane sounds of running water and the rustle of clothes brought a strange sense of normalcy to the otherwise charged atmosphere. When she finally joined him, she maintained a respectful distance, both of them lying on their sides facing each other.

"Thanks, Kaz," she said, her voice soft and earnest. "No one ever stepped in for me like this." Her eyes locked onto his, seeming to pierce right through him, searching for something deeper. She rested a hand on the space between them, a silent invitation, leaving the choice to him.

Kaz hesitated for a moment, his mind a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts. He felt the weight of her gaze, the sincerity in her voice, and the vulnerability in her posture. Slowly, he reached out and covered her hand with his. The cold of her skin against his sent a jolt through him, but it also brought an unexpected sense of comfort.

He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do or say. The lines between them had always been clear, but now they were blurred, muddied by the raw emotions of the night. y/n shifted closer, her cold feet brushing against his legs, sending a shiver up his spine. He could see the uncertainty in her eyes, a stark contrast to the confident persona she usually displayed.

"Great kiss moment," she whispered with a faint smile, breaking the tension. Kaz couldn’t help but chuckle softly at her words. She turned onto her other side, putting some distance between them once more.

As he lay there, Kaz’s mind raced. He thought about Inej, about the promises he had made to himself and to her. He thought about y/n, her vulnerability, and the strange connection that had formed between them. He knew he was treading dangerous waters, but there was something about her that drew him in, something he couldn’t quite understand.

The room was silent, save for the soft sounds of their breathing. Kaz stared at the ceiling, his mind a tangled web of thoughts and emotions. He wondered what it would be like to let go, to allow himself to feel something more. But then, the image of Inej’s face would flash before his eyes, anchoring him back to reality.

Kaz knew he couldn’t stay in this limbo forever. He needed to make a choice, to decide where his loyalties lay and what he truly wanted. But for now, as he lay next to y/n, he allowed himself to simply be. The warmth of her hand in his, the sound of her breathing, the quiet moments of connection—they were enough to bring him a sense of peace, however fleeting it might be.

In the silence of the night, Kaz closed his eyes, holding onto that sliver of peace. Tomorrow would bring new challenges, new decisions to make. But for now, in the quiet darkness, he allowed himself to rest.

Kaz was caught in a dreamlike haze, the remnants of a fleeting and indistinct dream still lingering in his mind. He couldn't quite grasp the details, only the sensation of floating, a distant voice calling out to him. In the dream, he felt warmth beside him, and instinctively pulled someone closer, murmuring softly, "Nej." But instead of Inej, his nose was filled with the unexpected scent of cherries, and a voice cut through the haze, bringing him abruptly back to reality.

"I'm not Inej, Kaz," y/n's voice sounded, her sleepy eyes unexpectedly close to his own as he abruptly opened his eyes. 

"Good morning," she greeted with a tight smile, but Kaz was still struggling to process the situation. "You can let me go now, love," she nudged gently. "I mean, I can feel you're happy to see me but—" Kaz quickly pulled his arm away from her waist, putting some distance between them.

"I can make breakfast, if you want," she offered, stretching her arms. Kaz tried to inject some lightness into his voice, asking in his sleepy rasp, "Can you cook?" His attempt at humor came out harsher than intended.

"Of course I can cook. I've been living alone since forever," she commented as she got up from the bed. That was perhaps the third thing Kaz had learned about her.

"I'm coming. I just... need a minute," Kaz muttered, feeling embarrassed, but y/n chuckled softly in response.

As they ate breakfast, Kaz gradually realized that she had cooked just for him, while she herself ate a piece of bread and sipped coffee. "Fuck, you're vegan, sorry I forgot—" he began, only to be interrupted by y/n shaking her head.

"It's fine. I never have breakfast," she reassured him, marking the fourth thing he learned about her. “And do you mean that you forgot? Were you planning on inviting me over?” she added playfully. “It came out wrong,” he chuckled. 

"Can I take a shower? I have some things to do around here, and it would be great not having to go back home," she asked after finishing her coffee, and Kaz nodded agreeably, still focused on his meal.

Kaz checked his phone absently, sending a good morning text to Inej and reviewing his Google calendar for the day. Just as he was settling into the day's routine, a loud knock on the door shattered the tranquility.

"Kaz, it's Jesper. I know you're in here," Jesper's voice called out from beyond the door.

Kaz cursed under his breath, realizing in an instant that he was not alone. Two cups and two plates on the table, her purse left on the couch—all clear evidence that he couldn't hide.

"There you are," Jesper greeted upon entering with his spare key, spotting Kaz frozen at the kitchen table. "Kaz, are you alright?" he asked, concern etching his features.

Kaz struggled to find the right words, knowing Jesper was seconds away from discovering he wasn't alone. "Did you have breakfast twice or are you behind on washing dishes?" Jesper inquired casually, though his eyes wandered and inevitably landed on y/n's bag.

"Look, Jes, it's not a good moment. Can you come back later?" Kaz attempted to deflect, hoping to buy some time.

"What do you mean, not a good moment?" Jesper persisted, his eyes scanning the room and fixing on y/n's belongings. "Kaz, are you alone?" he raised his brows pointedly.

"Of course I'm alone," Kaz replied quickly, but before he could say more, y/n's voice echoed from the bathroom.

"Kaz! I can't find your blow dryer," she called out, appearing in the doorway with damp hair. Jesper's mouth fell open at the sight.

Kaz looked heavenward, silently grateful that she was wearing clothes. She had pulled on her leggings and the shirt Kaz had lent her to sleep in, but it was obvious she wasn't wearing a bra. Drops of water from her hair were staining the white shirt further, adding to the awkwardness of the moment.

"Kaz? Why is this girl here and why is she wearing your clothes?" Jesper's voice cut through the silence.

"I'm not wearing his clothes," y/n interjected quickly, but Jesper pointed to the writing on her shirt.

"That shirt says 'from Jesper.' I gave it to him," Jesper pointed out.

"My grandma's name is Jesper," y/n quipped with a hint of amusement, unable to hide a smirk. Kaz couldn't help but snort loudly at her attempt to divert the attention away from the awkward situation, and Jesper redirected his focus back to Kaz.

"I can't believe you. You're actually cheating on Inej," Jesper accused sharply.

"I'm not cheating," Kaz retorted, feeling defensive.

"Then what are you doing? Come on, Kaz, how much evidence can you try to negate?" Jesper pressed on, his frustration palpable.

Kaz and y/n exchanged a quick glance, and Kaz noticed a pang of guilt in her eyes. He wanted to tell her that his web of lies wasn't her fault. He weighed his options, contemplating whether to come clean and explain their arrangement, hoping Jesper would understand. Or he could let Jesper think he was cheating on Inej, knowing Jesper would likely go and tell her himself.

"Look, Jesper, it's not what you think," Kaz began, trying to choose his words carefully.

"Then what the fuck is this?" Jesper demanded.

"She's helping me with—" Kaz started to explain, but y/n cut in bluntly.

"I'm a sex worker," she blurted out, her voice steady but tinged with vulnerability.

Jesper's jaw dropped, stunned into silence. "You're even paying to cheat on her? Saints, Kaz, with her history? A... a whore?" Jesper's words came out in disbelief and anger.

"Don't call her that," Kaz snapped, rising from his seat defensively. "Oh, sorry, how should I call her?" Jesper mocked back, his tone laced with disdain.

"It's just a temporary arrangement, Jesper. It's not... I'm doing it for Inej," Kaz tried to explain, feeling the weight of Jesper's judgment bearing down on him.

"Yeah, right. Do you even listen to yourself?" Jesper retorted sharply, his frustration evident.

"I should leave," y/n murmured quietly, hurt evident in her eyes.

"Yes, you fucking should," Jesper responded harshly.

Kaz and y/n made their way to the door together, their exit punctuated by a tense silence. "Kaz, I'm so sorry. I—" y/n began apologetically.

"It's not your fault. I'll try to handle him," Kaz reassured her, placing his hand over hers on the doorknob. Their eyes met for a brief moment, unspoken understanding passing between them, before she nodded and left.

Kaz turned back to face Jesper, bracing himself for the difficult conversation that lay ahead. The tension in the room was palpable, and it didn't take long for their exchange to escalate into a full-blown argument. Voices were raised, accusations were hurled, and the air crackled with frustration.

Kaz tried desperately to make his friend understand his reasons, explaining his need to acclimate to human touch for Inej's sake. But Jesper, his skepticism deeply rooted, remained unconvinced. "Look," Jesper said, his voice weary from hours of arguing, "I don't want to know anything. I still don't know if I should believe you or not, because you've been in love with Inej since the first time you laid eyes on her. Just don't hurt her, Kaz, and don't hurt yourself too."

Kaz nodded, equally exhausted. The weight of Jesper's words pressed heavily on his shoulders, mingling with his own doubts and fears. Despite the exhaustion, he couldn't stop himself from thinking about y/n, wondering what she was doing, how she was feeling. The argument with Jesper had only intensified his concern.

He gave in and texted her, ‘Everything okay?’ The minutes felt like hours as he waited for a response, his mind conjuring up all sorts of scenarios. Finally, his phone buzzed with a reply—a picture of a piercing studio. Kaz frowned, curiosity piqued. He stared at the image, wondering what she was up to and if she was okay.

Just as he was about to text her back, another message came in, this time from Inej. It was a picture of her suspended in the air, performing one of her daring acrobatic feats. A rush of anxiety washed over him, a familiar sensation whenever he saw her in such precarious situations. ‘Be careful,’ he replied, feeling a pang of protectiveness. Moments later, a heart emoji popped up on his screen, and he couldn't help but smile.

Still, the unresolved tension from his argument with Jesper gnawed at him. He knew he needed to clear his head, to find a way to balance the complex web of his relationships. He couldn't afford to let his emotions spiral out of control. He decided to distract himself by diving into work, hoping that focusing on tasks would help him regain some semblance of calm.

Hours passed as Kaz immersed himself in his work, but his mind kept drifting back to y/n. The image of the piercing studio lingered in his thoughts, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to check on her. He picked up his phone and typed out another message, ‘What are you getting pierced?’ He hit send, half expecting a quick reply and half preparing himself for silence. And she didn’t answer.

***

Three days before Inej’s arrival, Kaz found himself once again on the familiar couch in the dimly lit apartment. He sat there, rigid and tense, while the usual girl was lounging nearby, engrossed in her phone and watching TikToks. From y/n's room, the most wild, unabashed sounds were emanating, echoing through the otherwise quiet space.

“Please, please, I want more,” y/n cried out, her voice laced with desperation. “I can take it.”

Kaz felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. The secretary snorted at his obvious discomfort, still not looking away from her phone. “I think she’s trying to prove a point,” she observed nonchalantly. Her detachment only added to Kaz’s awkwardness.

Kaz didn't know how to respond. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, the rawness of y/n's cries making him feel a strange mix of emotions. The haunting words from her friends—‘Wait until he discovers that you’re an animal in bed’—kept replaying in his mind, a mantra that fueled his sense of inadequacy. Despite his attempts to focus elsewhere, her pleading grew more and more desperate, wrapping around his thoughts like a suffocating fog.

Finally, the sounds ceased, and Kaz exhaled a breath. The oppressive silence that followed was almost as unbearable as the noise that had preceded it.

After what felt like an eternity, the door to y/n's room opened. Two men emerged, still adjusting their ties and elbowing each other with satisfied grins. They barely spared Kaz a glance as they left, their casual departure a stark contrast to the turmoil brewing inside him.

Kaz waited, listening to the faint rustle of sheets and the muffled sounds of y/n moving around her room. It took longer than usual for her to call for him. When she finally did, her voice was subdued, almost hesitant.

“Kaz, you can come in now.”

He rose from the couch, steeling himself as he approached her door. Inside, y/n was fixing the pillows on her bed, her movements precise and mechanical. The room smelled faintly of vanilla and something more primal, a lingering reminder of what had transpired.

“Sorry, I had to... clean up,” she said, not meeting his gaze. Her tone was matter-of-fact, but Kaz detected a subtle undercurrent of something else—perhaps fatigue, or maybe a hint of regret.

Kaz swallowed hard, feeling a tight knot form in his stomach. He knew he should say something, anything, to break the tension, but words failed him. Instead, he found himself staring at the freshly made bed, the pristine white sheets a stark contrast to the chaotic thoughts swirling in his mind.

When she turned, Kaz's eyes fell on the two matching love bites adorning the sides of her neck. The sight triggered a violent surge of jealousy, his mind involuntarily conjuring images of the two men kissing her at the same time. It made him want to beat them unconscious.

“Fuck, I’m exhausted,” she sighed, collapsing onto the bed.

“Come here, babe. What do you want to do?” she asked, and Kaz mechanically sat next to her, pulling her closer. 

“No shirt?” he proposed, letting his hand linger in her hair.

“Nasty,” she commented playfully.

Like the other day, she straddled him, her legs on either side of his hips. She began to unbutton his shirt, her fingers deftly working each button until she could slide it off and throw it to the floor. The feel of her hands on his bare chest made his heart race, every touch sending electric shocks through his nerves.

“Talk to me, Kaz,” she whispered, her hands exploring his trembling chest.

He closed his eyes firmly, trying to steady his breath. “Were they good?” he asked, unable to shake the image of the two satisfied men leaving her room.

“Yes, actually,” she said, her hands wandering over his arms. She reached his hands and guided them to rest on her waist. 

“Do you like it? When there are more than one?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes,” she said again, her breath warm against his neck.

He flinched at her answer, a knot of tension tightening in his gut. She seemed to sense his discomfort and tickled him with her nose, a soft, affectionate gesture that distracted him momentarily.

Kaz’s mind was a whirlwind of emotions. The possessiveness, the jealousy, and the confusion about his own desires and boundaries swirled within him. But amidst it all, there was an underlying need to understand her, to connect with her on a level that went beyond their current arrangement.

“Why?” he found himself asking, his voice raw with vulnerability. “Why do you like it?”

She paused, her eyes searching his face. “Because it makes me feel desired,” she said softly. “It’s not about the number of people, Kaz. It’s about the feeling of being wanted, of being the center of attention. It’s a rush.”

y/n pressed her body against his chest, or Kaz pulled her closer until there was no space between them—he had no idea. His breath was fast, his ribcage convulsing against her bra. He felt her lips on his neck, her hands tangled in his hair. “Did you come?” he whispered.

“Twice,” she murmured against his skin.

y/n rolled her hips on his, making him hiss. “Do you like to think about it, Kaz?” she whispered in his ear, her voice a seductive purr. “How everyone gets to fuck me, apart from you?” Her hips stopped moving, and he instinctively started guiding them with his hands still on her waist. “Do you want to know how good they make me feel? How good you could make me feel?”

Kaz felt the control of the situation slipping away from him, yet he craved every word, every movement. He wanted her to keep talking, to keep moving against him, making him feel so close to heaven he swore he saw the light. “I’m just waiting for you, love,” she purred before pressing her lips on his. Kaz felt his hands sliding on her back like he had always wanted to do. Soft moans escaped from both of them, and he was feeling less and less ashamed of them. One hand went to her hair, as usual, while the other pressed her more into him, increasing the friction between them.

He was close, so close.

Abruptly, his thoughts went to Inej—sweet, loving Inej—and he interrupted the kiss, moving her away. “Stop, stop. Safe word, whatever,” he said, passing a hand over his face and through his hair. Kaz was fighting for his life, while y/n casually lay on the bed, looking at him like a cat would watch a small mouse.

She cocked her head, her eyes glinting with curiosity and something darker. “You’re thinking about her, aren’t you?”

Kaz nodded, his chest heaving as he tried to steady his breath. “I can’t do this... not like this.”

“What was that?” Kaz asked, locking eyes with her, his voice a mixture of confusion and anger.

“Just wanting to make you feel good. You were finally letting go,” she replied, her tone sharp, a stark contrast to her usual calm demeanor.

“I’m not here to let go,” he said almost angrily, his frustration bubbling to the surface.

“Yes, you are,” she shot back, her eyes blazing with a challenge.

“I have a girlfriend,” he countered, trying to remind himself of his boundaries.

“You are my client,” she retorted, harshly. The words cut through the room like a knife, leaving a tense silence in their wake.

Kaz's head shot in her direction, his confusion deepening. Was she mad? Were they fighting?”

“Your girlfriend is not my concern, you are,” she snapped, shrugging off her see-through robe and exposing herself even more. It was a calculated move, a way to push him to the edge. Kaz could see through her tactics, the way she was trying to set some distance between them. She let him hear her with the two men, she edged him until he was about to lose control. A desperate try of letting him see who she truly was. Her nails attracted his focus, they were long and bright red. He hated them. 

“You are here because you want to stay with her, and I am here because I never get enough,” she said, stepping closer and kissing his cheek with an almost cruel tenderness.

“I think you should go,” she added, her voice cold and final.

She was right, but he didn’t want to leave. He had no idea what he wanted anymore. His emotions were a tangled mess, his mind torn between guilt, desire, and confusion.

“You’re trying to push me away,” he accused, his voice trembling with a mix of anger and hurt.

“Maybe I am,” she admitted, her eyes hard. “Maybe you need to see what this really is.”

Kaz clenched his fists, struggling to keep his composure. “I’m not some project for you to manipulate.”

“And I’m not some placeholder for your girlfriend!” she shot back, her voice rising. “You come here, seeking something you can’t get from her, and yet you act like I’m the one crossing the line?”

“You don’t understand,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m trying to deal with my issues, to be better for her.”

“And using me in the process?” she challenged, stepping back and crossing her arms over her chest. “That’s not fair, Kaz.”

He took a deep breath, his frustration boiling over. “I never wanted this to become complicated. I just wanted to—”

“To what?” she interrupted. “To fix yourself without getting your hands dirty? Life doesn’t work that way, Kaz.”

Silence fell between them, heavy and suffocating. Kaz felt a lump in his throat, his mind racing.

“I don’t know what I want anymore,” he finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

She looked at him, her expression softening slightly. “Figure it out, Kaz. And until you do, maybe it’s best if we don’t see each other.”

The words hit him like a punch to the gut. He nodded, feeling a mixture of relief and sadness. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

He turned and left the room, each step feeling heavier than the last. As he walked away, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was leaving a part of himself behind.

***

Of course, it didn't last long. Kaz was outside her apartment, watching the light in her room and her silhouette moving around. It was past 2 in the morning, and he was drunk. He promised himself that if her light was off, he would drive back home. He cursed her for being awake, feeling the familiar pull of his conflicting desires. Kaz waited to be sure she was alone, then pulled out his phone and confirmed a transfer of 1500 kruge to her account, labeling it “I'm outside.”

[uhohbestie]

omahgod haaaiiii! happy three pronged fork day!

it is I, the live slug reaction microsoft paint doodles guy, here with the long promised part two, and lord mercy its been like a month,,, i've spent the past week and a half adding just-one-more-last-bit-this-time-its-the-last-one-for-sure-definitely and thinking of a new one at work the very next day,, BUT i am out of the dungeon now so here you have it!!

here's to me spending solid two months of my life pacing to and fro at work compiling mental essays and Making Up Scenarios tm with your characters and generally rotating them,,,, twas an experience for certain and i thank you for every point of psychic damage i was dealt <3

i tried every know-how i could think of to improve the resolution situation, and ended up just cutting it into pieces so im sorry if its a bit confusing to read (it's hectic but it works so i can't complain)

big picture for to know where things are

tip: you do gotta read the big picture left side (they are vaguely divided by the grey lines) top to bottom and then the right side for it to be chronological (more or less)

and the small bits for better resolution

i already wrote most of the things i had to say in the picture itself, so all i'll say is my soul yearns for pearl and lizzie (and Tilly) adventures extravaganza spinoff ): i have somehow so far convinced myself while reading that we would for sure get to see them within the fic that i had to doublecheck that i didn't miss a chapter on accident,,, oopsie

ps. this is where i would put my essay on how you've managed not only to show a character going through the 'ol stages of grief (scar when grian got bit) but also make the reader (or me at least, idk im gullible) go through them. ever since i figured out that Main Characters Don't Die at some point as a kid, i have never once sweated about "damn what if the writers actually do it this time?? what of blorbo dead foreal forever???" ,,, that was until i read TAMN. you took your SWEET TIME keeping us on scar pov for so long i sincerely started worrying that you actually did it you bastards. "no.. they wouldn't… they can't!" i thought to myself, but then the chapters went on and on, and Scar and Pops managed to almost get themselves killed yet again, adventures not showing any signs of stopping. and the pesky bristling brit, with whom i have a complicated relationship not unlike the one between a Sportsteam that sucks ass and their last remaining, bitter, but loyal shit-talking fan, is nowhere to be seen. i was head in hands sitting on the edge of my bed waxing poetics about how The Narrative forces the reader through the character's thought process and Long Live Indie Writing for being able to afford to break tropes and expectations n all that and then Grian's disHEVELED ASS ROLLS OUTA BUSHES AND I WAS LIKE i kNEW THOSE SONS A BITCHES WERE SCHEEMING, NEVER TRUST A WRITER!!! ! …i'm fairly impressionable audience if you couldn't tell

,anyhow this was one of the several bits rotating in my head for the past while, i hope you're proud of what you've accomplished -_- (/j/lh you really really should be <3) yeah anyway this is where i would put my essay on all that if i knew how to write one!

(if i open my mouth on the topic of the residents of the hermit commune we would be here all day, so all i'll say is i won't announce my descent into madness, but there will be signs)

on that note, be good be good to each other and don't forget to brush your teeth before bed

pps. i missed my duolingo writing this :( just another one of gods little jokes

ppps. i think you should poll the public someday on the subject of people's perception of Joel's fate in the end, would be curious to see how optimistic (or not) the folks are feeling

YES. YES!!!!! PART TWO OMG YOU'VE SPOILED US. YESSSSSSS.

Oh my goodness there's so much to wade into there. I was starting to pick out my favourite parts but realised i was highlighting every drawing, but here are my FAVOURITE favourites:

I love love love hearing ppl's opinions on the Redwood compound (AND POPS!!!! POPS AND SCAR BEST FRIENDS FOREVER [until... they're abruptly not anymore. um. ummmmmm....]) Poor exhausted Ren. Poor munched up Joel. Poor every-day-I'm-more-tired-than-the-last Etho. (Also, clasping your hands in mine, I promise you we will write about Pearl and Lizzie. I promise we will not leave you hanging.)

I'm genuinely truly deeply so happy you enjoyed TAMN, and absolutely adored reading (and seeing!) your journey as you read it. Especially the parts where we convincingly pulled off Grian Death(tm). Thank you for sharing with us :') aaaaa TAMN <3 <3 <3

Your poll idea is genius btw. We gotta do this. We GOTTA. - 🔒

[savannahsdeath]

SOCCER!ELLIE WILLIAMS X CHEERLEADER!READER

PART 4FOUR

part 5five

part 3three

mdni please<3

summary: the news broke you and left you confused. eventually, everything started to clear up and you managed to choose - decide who is trustworthy, and who is bad for you. but did you pick the right person? who was the villain all along?

warnings: language, mentions of cheating, trust issues and manipulating, but i think its minors safe overally!!

writers note: a longer chapter finally and well, things got a little complicated..🫣

you stayed in your room for the rest of the day. ellie didn't call nor text you, she just let you think, just like you asked her to. the last thing you needed now were interactions with her.

vi, on the other hand, seemed to be curious about how things are now. for the past months you hated her, but now, since she turned out to be innocent, she deserved your reply. you patiently answered her questions, before you received a notification from her with a question that made you freeze.

vi: so are you going to forgive her?

you just stared at the text for a few minutes. that was it, the moment to pick - the person you loved, but probably already moved on with, or the person that loved you to the point she was ready to ruin your relationship to get with you. perfect.

after a long moment, you typed out a 'safe' answer, to avoid choosing any of them; 'what should i do in your opinion?'

you didn't wait long for a response, which didn't help, but also didn't surprise you.

vi: you think im going to tell you to forgive the girl whos responsible for spreading rumors about me cheating? because, honestly, i will, if thats what you want

you sighed, and set your phone down on the table, feeling conflicted. everything you thought you knew was now turned upside down.

ellie, who you had always thought of as a teammate (maybe you weren't on her football team, but you cheered for it, so it counts), had actually been the one to spread the rumors about vi's supposed cheating.

but you couldn't hate ellie, because she had been doing this out of love, not malice. she had loved you so much that she had been willing to go to extreme lengths to get your attention.

was it really fair to blame her for this?

you managed to ignore every notification sound for some time, but eventually you had to turn on do not disturb mode. you fell back on the bed, hoping to get some sleep, despite the early time. that was probably the only option to escape the negative thoughts.

you didn't know how many hours passed, but you were finally on the edge of consciousness when someone knocking fully woke you up. you stood up and brushed your hair with your fingers, walking towards the door. there were many options, maybe it's the postman, maybe your best friend.. right, your best friend! you didn't talk with her for a few days now, the poor girl probably thinks you're mad at her. you wanted to believe it was her, but deep down you knew it wasn't.

there's only two possibilities.

your teeth clenched around your bottom lip to the point you felt a metalic taste of blood on your tongue. you opened the door.

there was vi standing on your doorstep, her arms crossed, as usually, but not in an intimidating gesture this time.

"can i?" she asked, pointing with her chin to the entrance. her voice was soft, softer than you were used to hear from her, as she probably understood how you feel.

you nodded, and opened the door for her. your mind was still in debate, but your body was doing its best to be polite. that could be a good reason why vi had showed up to speak with you.

"sure." you mumbled.

you stood aside as she walked in. she took off her jacket and folded it over her arms, her mouth opened as if ready to speak.

"thanks." she smiled. "are you busy?"

you shook your head, taking a seat on the couch and waiting for vi to start speaking. you knew she wants something, and there was no point in delaying it.

she sat down next to you, her movements were slow and cautious. "i know you're shocked but.. we're worried. me and ellie. i don't talk with her, but it's obvious. we can't wait for your move forever, and everytime we talk, you just.. disappear."

she was right. you did that today, too. you just couldn't stand talking, especially not with them. you didn't know who to believe and, at some point, you didn't believe anything anymore. that's why you missed classes. that was the easiest way to avoid all of the lies.

you snapped out of your thoughts and looked at vi. she looked serious, and even though her voice was soft, her naturally tough appearance ruined the delicate facade.

"sorry." your mind was still in a fog. you didn't know what to do. you couldn't believe that ellie would do such a thing behind your back, but you couldn't be mad at her. "i don't know what to say." you sighed. "ellie told me everything. about how she had been the one to spread those rumors and... it caught me by surprise. i don't know how to feel about it."

vi's expression became serious, but she still tried to remain calm and speak softly.

"do you love ellie?" she asked, staring at you intensely.

you froze, again. the word 'love' seemed too strong, too serious. you were scared of it. plus, vi was your ex girlfriend, and talking about your love life with her seemed inappropriate.

you thought for a few good minutes about the answer. you considered what'll happen if you'd say yes, and what if you'd say no. you also considered saying 'i don't know' or changing the topic.

but you realized you can't answer this question. not because you aren't sure of the answer, but because you aren't sure what does it even mean.

you didn't know what is love. you thought you loved vi, but then again, you got hurt by her. then it turned out it wasn't her fault, but ellie's - a girl you started falling for.

you sighed. "what do you consider 'love' ?"

she frowned for a short second, before looking down. "it's not something we have. i couldn't move on the whole time because- you had to know the truth. now that you know it... i don't think i'm needed in your life anymore. so i won't blame you if you'll forgive ellie. unlike her, i won't slander her just to ruin your potential relationship."

you felt like you need to give vi a proper answer.

"you're right. i don't know what love is. i don't even think ellie knows either. but..." you let out a deep sigh, and looked her in the eyes. "i want to try and find out."

"then you should talk with her." she stood up and slowly walked towards the door, with you following her. "i'm glad we're ending this.. like that."

you nodded. "no hard feelings."

she walked off your house after putting her jacket back on. she stopped at the doorstep, quietly repeated; "no hard feelings", in a pensive tone, before shrugging it off and walking away.

you ran up to your room and picked up your phone. it was something about 4 p.m., you'll make it for ellie's football practice.

────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────

vi's words had stuck with you, and you felt that you couldn't just ignore ellie and continue your life. you had to talk with her. you had to hear her side of the story, and then you'd make a decision. if you truly liked ellie, you had to give her a chance. and you weren't sure if you do truly like her, but you hoped you'll be closer to finding out after this meeting.

you made your way over to the football field, where you saw ellie with her team. she was chatting up with a few of her friends, all of them seeming relaxed and happy.

you didn't see her since that day, you didn't know how will the conversation go. the rest of the team, also responsible for spreading the gossip, probably figured out why aren't you coming to their practices.

you took a deep breath, slowly making your way to her. she wasn't as happy as the rest of her team, but you were glad to see she didn't completely break, unlike you.

she saw you after a few seconds and quickly walked up to you with a concerned expression. before you could say anything, she wrapped her arms around you, burying her face in your neck. that was a brave move, since you could as well come here to tell her you don't forgive her. luckily for her, the situation was different.

"i'm glad you're here." she whispered, her thumbs softly stroking your back.

you didn't know what to say. you just leaned against her, slowly realising you made the right choice.

"i'm sorry." she added in a barely audible voice.

"don't be." you finally spoke up. "i know you regret that."

she let go of you but her hands stayed on your shoulders, as she looked at you to make sure you really mean what you're saying.

ellie seemed genuinely sorry for what she had done, and you couldn't blame her for that. you knew she was wrong, but you also knew that she only did it because she had liked you.

"well, actually, i think you have all the right reasons to be sorry." you said with a soft laugh, hoping to get rid of the tension. "you know exactly how you made me feel."

you both stood there for a few seconds, as if both of you were trying to process what had just happened.

then, as if breaking a spell, ellie spoke up again. "well, did you at least get to talk with vi?"

"i did." you sighed, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"and...?" she waited for details.

ellie didn't seem to let the words bother her, and she simply waited to hear what you had to say. she seemed to trust you, and she wasn't worried about the outcome of your conversation with vi.

"we're good. she cleared her name and that's all she needed. she won't bother me- i mean, us anymore." you explained with a small shrug, hoping to leave it in the past already.

but suddenly, one of ellie's teammates came closer to you.

"vi cleared her name?" the girl asked with a frown. you nodded, but before you could elaborate, she continued. "since when can cheaters clear their name?" she scoffed, adding a quiet; 'disgusting.'

your gaze hopefully shifted between her and ellie. "i know the whole cheating story was made up, there's no need to play along anymore."

"made up?" another girl, way shorter than her friend, joined the conversation. "i saw her at that party, making out with a girl that.. didn't really look like you."

ellie seemed as surprised as you.

"i thought-" she started but her voice slowly drifted off. you knew what she meant - she thought her teammates made that up, so they could help her, their leader, get you. that's what you thought too.

you felt like you were back at the start of this whole mess, not knowing who or what to believe anymore.

ellie was shocked by this revelation, and her teammates' reactions. she seemed to be just as confused and conflicted as you were now.

"what are you two talking about?" you asked calmly, before turning to look at ellie. "you said you made up the whole fake cheating story. and now you're telling me that it was true?"

you hoped there was an explanation. you hoped that all the drama could end here, but your hopes were low at this point.

"so, you didn't make that up to help me?" ellie asked her teammates.

everyone was confused, making finding out what's the truth even harder.

"no, we really saw vi with another girl. and, well, they weren't just talking." one of them explained, probably as clearly as possible. she had no reason to lie, and the way she spoke made her look honest, so you started seriously considering believing it.

you were at a loss for words. everything you thought was true had slowly crumbled away. you didn't know who was telling the truth, and who was lying.

"so, it's true?" you stared at ellie, who was still trying to figure out the situation. her teammates didn't look like they were lying, but you didn't want to believe it either. "it's all true?" you repeated, but your voice was softer this time.

"all? i don't know." the first girl spoke up again. "but what i know, is that vi's a fucking cheater."

the disgust was obvious in faces and voices of both girls, making everything even more believable.

so breaking up with her months ago was a good decision, even though the last days made you doubt it? why was she so nice to you earlier today, then?

she wasn't. she wanted you to 'forgive' ellie, not because she was so sympathetic, but because there was nothing to forgive. ellie didn't lie, though even she thought so. plus, vi hoped you'll focus on your new girlfriend, and forget about the past. she hoped you won't find out the truth, especially not when she finally made you believe the true rumour was fake. you started to understand everything. vi was the villain the whole time. and the worst part is that you knew that, yet she still managed to change your mind and clear her name.

you catched ellie's gaze, making an eye contact with her. you could hear her mumbling her usual 'jesus''s. she really thought she's a liar for talking about vi cheating, and she was right the entire time.

or.. was she, really? what just happened?

you rubbed your eyes and pinched your skin, but nothing happened. this wasn't a dream.

i think this was actually a little obvious so probably no ones shocked;( but still !! should we just ignore it and live our life with ellie?? or should we get revenge?? im open to yalls ideas<3<3

TAGS: @wandasromanova @bellaramslover @aouiaa @glennns-blog @elliewilliamsfuckbuddy @iheartsadiesink @ximtiredx @coff1nn @jowdann @simpforellie @iveofficiallylostmymarbles @skylerwhitwyo @pinkigirl @islalips @ratdungeon @okayyesbutno @dinoastronaut @ucannotcompare @elyonz @lesbiantothemoonandback @lovejuliettq @param8re @r3wbeef more i cant tag for unknown reasons:(

[mportality]

OUTER BANKS BOT DROP — ( 03/01 )

FT . John B , Rafe Cameron , Sarah Cameron

Notes :: 3 bots each for the third month of the year !! Also, some of these may be out of character ! It’s been awhile since i’ve actually written anything, and I just recently finished season two—so most of these are based off of things that happened during and before season two or alternate scenarios :)

Surf Buddies — John B. Routledge

꒰ Surfing was a pogue thing, not that others couldn’t do it—it was just more preferred on their end. John B was a huge surfer, and he’s glad to had found you, another pogue, to surf with. It was a constant thing, and you eventually went on to get together, and now it’s just you two riding the waves early in the morning. ꒱

Patching Him Up — John B

꒰ The annual bonfire was not for John B. He always gets into fights, especially last year with the whole gun thing. He thought this year would be different, but it wasn’t—it’s always the kooks. Long story short, he got his ass beat, again. When does he not? He’s got nobody to help him, and you’re the only one around—his ex. ꒱

Knocked Up — John B

꒰ He swears it was an accident. You’re just two dumb teenagers, and for all he knows you could just be joking. He doesn’t know if you are, and the fact that you aren’t saying anything is scaring him. It’s not that he’s doesn’t want a kid of his own, he just doesn’t know if he’s ready for it. ꒱

Toxic Ex Boyfriend — Rafe Cameron

꒰ Rafe never worked well with break ups at all—fuck no, you’ve got the wrong guy. It’s just weird. You broke up less than a week ago and you’re at a party, dancin’ all over a guy like you’re some sort of— anyway, Rafe doesn’t like that you’re acting all brand new, and he decides to talk to you. ꒱

Opposites Attract — Rafe Cameron

꒰ If Sarah could have a pogue boyfriend, Rafe could have a pogue girlfriend. You were clearly better than John B, obviously—no, clearly. Opposites were meant to attract, or so that’s what Rafe has learned. ꒱

Pay-Back — Rafe Cameron

꒰ The poor boy wants nothing more than his usual stash of weed, coke—whatever he gets. Yes, he knows he’s behind on payments, even if he shouldn’t be. He can pay you back or something—He’s gotta buy more valuable things, but all he wants is one more stash, and he’ll promise to pay you back in due time. ꒱

Ex!bsf — Sarah Cameron

꒰ Things were so complicated with you and Sarah after she had joined you guys — officially becoming a pogue like the rest of you. John B, JJ, and Pope knew you guys weren’t fond of eachother, and now you and Sarah are on a boat, in the middle of the night, high, and now Sarah is apologizing for everything she’s done. ꒱

Lights Out — Sarah Cameron

꒰ being with you was like .. forbidden. you were a pogue, and you were a kook. you weren’t supposed to muck on one another. fuck, you two started dating, and now you two are posted up in some attic of a church, running from the cops for God knows what .. and Sarah thinks it’s a good time to let you take her virginity. ꒱

Breakin’ Rules — Sarah Cameron

꒰ ever since the two of you started dating, things were pretty rocky. you barely got to see eachother, and things were already bad as it was. it was a miracle Ward decided to take you in, but he had a rule — stay out of each other’s room. it was stupid, and Sarah finally found herself breaking a rule, all to come find you in the middle of the night. ꒱

[kedreeva]

Hi! I have a small farm but your posts have made me consider adding some peafowl. I've had guineafowl and chickens but god would i love peafowl. I also saw your posts with your hand raised peahen in the house, and I was wondering if she's actually litter trained? I have some bottle babies but have transferred them all out to typical barn/pasture existence, but if I could litter train a peafowl for (partial) indoor existence that would be glorious

As I have said many many times before and will likely say many many times again, you do not want a permanent house peafowl, I promise you. Bug was indoors with me because a) I have over a decade of experience with these birds, b) I did a sex linked breeding so I KNEW that she was a girl from the second she hatched c) I didn't particularly want to hand raise her, but I also wanted sleep and the birds are brooded in the house and she would not stop screaming d) I knew I was going to be home full time basically 24/7 to raise her without having to leave her on her own for long stretches while I was at work and e) I raised her with the full intention of putting her out when she was old enough to hold her own with the big birds- and that's where she currently lives, outside where she belongs.

They cannot be house/litter trained, the most you can do is diaper them, and they're not big enough for that for a few months and wearing one is always a risk- if they catch a toe from a poorly-fitted or poorly-applied diaper, they are strong enough to break their own legs and/or break their necks/wings struggling to get out.

Unlike standard breed chickens and farm waterfowl, peafowl can fly, like Actually Fly, and they can do so from about day 3 of life. You don't want a 10lb bird throwing itself around your house, because they're not passerines, they can't grasp things with their feet so they will just knock everything you love over in an attempt to find flat ground to stand on wherever they want to be. And they WILL throw temper tantrums when they're not getting their way- when you aren't sharing food, when you aren't going to bed at 6pm in the winter, when you aren't performing their daily schedule right, etc. They're just smart enough to be assholes, and big enough that that's a problem.

On top of that, males that are hand raised become exceedingly aggressive at maturity, to the point where many have been put down because they will relentless hunt and attack humans in their territory, and they have nasty spurs on their legs, and the ability to fly and to jump at least 6 feet up and hardly use their wings, which means they CAN jump and spur you in the face- and unlike chickens, they know where your face is, and will go for it. I've seen several folks with injuries from aggressive boys where the person narrowly escaped losing an eye. I, myself, was clawed over one eye once just from a bird that was eluding capture, and I'm well aware how much more badly that could have gone if she'd meant it rather than just trying to get away from being caught. The hens are (usually, although I've seen an exception) not aggressive, but unless you have the ability to socialize a hand raised hen with other birds, they have a hugely difficult time adapting to living in a flock, and I've heard many others refuse to breed with the males of their own kind. If they can't adapt to socializing with other birds, they can stress hugely when left alone or with other birds, and this can make them prone to illness.

The photos are cute, but this is a 110% "please do not attempt this at home" kind of deal. I've been caring for/learning about peafowl and their care in some way for 20 years and breeding them for the last 15 or so and I can say with my whole chest that you don't need any complications when getting into peafowl. There are already a million things that can go wrong just trying to raise a peafowl in a normal way, people kill the babies so often that a) reputable breeders often refuse to sell before 3 months old so they are well started and hardy and b) at least one Large Scale breeder I know of sells multi-pack day old chicks (the "discards" from his experimental pens) for super cheap because he fully expects them to die so he doesn't have to worry about competition on rare color breeding and can still make a buck.

If you want peafowl, and you have the space and the ability to pen one properly, and access to proper food and vet care, and you've done research on care and behavior, then absolutely go for it, they make great farm animals and they're really easy to befriend as subadults and even as adults and some birds are even super chill and will come right up and say hi (like Eris, whom I took home from another breeder because I visited and she just walked up and started inspecting me for treats like a chicken). But they do not make great indoor pets, even partially as adults.

[marukrawler]

i really like what gi did with the concept of the switch code.

season 3 was when we saw a lot of battler and bakugan pairs change—aranaut lost jin but found a new partner in fabia, rubanoid lost sid but partnered up with linus, lumagrowl lost kazarina, linus lost neo, etc. there were even temporary pairups, such as with dan and hawktor, shun and drago, and ren and rubanoid.

then we were introduced to the switch code which is the idea of the perfect matchup between a bakugan and a battler; a partner who can bring out a bakugan’s maximum potential. this makes sense when you consider that hawktor wasn’t entirely comfortable with dan’s aggressive fighting style and how drago wasn't used to shun's quick and stealthy movements.

ren also gave rubanoid to linus, believing that a pyrus battler could make better use of rubanoid's abilities than he could.

furthermore, barodius knew that he didn't hold the key to maximizing linehalt’s power; that key belonged with ren, which is why barodius went so far out of his way to manipulate ren into doing his bidding.  

a not so quick aside, but i genuinely believe hawktor was the best partner for shun after skyress. he was just the right mixture of bird and ninja, and his rough edo/shitamachi dialect and mannerisms carried an easygoing vibe that just wasn't present with ingram's overly serious and samurai-esque character. hawktor's personality was informal and playful enough without being too close to the level of marucho's usual goofy partners.

it paired off nicely with shun's more reserved and no-nonsense nature instead of adding to it, and i like to think it helped soften him. plus the bird aspect of shun's partners completely disappeared in season 4 with taylean and jakkor and i think it's a very important element to keep.

i'm glad hawktor was introduced in the season that dealt with the idea of perfect pairings and i'm inclined to say shun could have the switch code for hawktor and not skyress. shun and skyress shared a special bond but there was a reason why skyress couldn't stay with him so it's unlikely that shun and skyress would be the right partners for each other in the long run.

this does bring up interesting questions such as: who has aranaut’s switch code? does it lie with fabia or did it lie with jin (and similarly with rubanoid, linus and sid.) did these new partnerships come to pass because there was someone more ideal for them out there? or were they perfect for each other from the very start?

the switch code as a concept is really fascinating, especially when considering the japanese descriptions from the old s1 website. they speak of the bakugan coming to earth through a link with their respective battler, further reinforcing the idea that bakugan and battler bonds are, in a way, predestined.

we see this especially with how all the brawlers met their bakugan (sans runo.) drago came to earth right in the middle of dan’s battle, preyas came to earth months before and still found his way to marucho, golem quite boldly proclaims that julie is the perfect partner for him, skyress came with the wind through the window in shiori’s hospital room because that’s where shun spent most of his time as shiori got sicker, etc.

that's why i find it especially annoying when ms1 takes that concept and makes it needlessly complicated. what was once a special bond between battler and bakugan is now a "key and gate"?

there's such a thing as a "malfunction" in their bond which has nothing to do with dan and drago's unity as a team???

so the switch code no longer represents dan and drago's friendship and compatibility as partners but instead it's a thing that mag mel can physically steal from them?? stealing drago's power to escape is one thing but taking drago's dna code?? when razenoid already has drago's dna code inside of him?? what????

you see how strange it gets and how it starts to make little sense? now dan and drago's switch code has become a macguffin of sorts to drive the plot of ms1 forward when it was once the simple work of fate inevitably pulling two beings together in a partnership (if it hadn't already.) it makes absolutely no sense for code eve's power to be able to change dan and drago's bond of friendship into a key that can then be stolen and used to free the supervillain she imprisoned herself and/or make him stronger. (insert code eve is a terrible orb deity jokes.)

it's disappointing because maybe this could've been the season where dan and drago performed worse as a team because their friendship was put to the test, a callback to season 1 if you will. i like the idea behind the mechtogan, because it's an ability that requires battler and bakugan to be in sync in order to summon and command one, but not the execution because, well, it's a giant robot fighting on behalf of the bakugan. it gets boring to look at real quick.

plus, the idea of being in sync to summon your own mechtogan is dropped in the second half of the season when dan and drago can seemingly share the ability with the rest of their team so. . .what was the point (merch.)