#one :D “I'll be the little shit for the both of us.”

[dootznbootz]

Menelaus: So, I heard you like badboys? Helen, 🤨: Uh, no, not really. Menelaus: Oh, thank the gods.

[dawnthefluffyduck]

I drew this explanation post for why I was completely inactive for a week, but then felt too anxious and drained to post it, and subsequently disappeared for a second week

Two main blog drawings and one side blog wip later, I remembered I made this and still think it's funny, so even though I stopped being dead (TM) I still wanted to share lol

Brief series of events at work

^^^old, but I'm still taking it easy so posts on both this blog and my alt will continue to be scattered for now

[misshugs]

The Cameragirl || snc

You've been Sam and Colby's cameragirl for some time now. Usually, nothing too crazy happened to you in most investigations, but this time...

warnings: paranormal activity, reader getting attacked, near death experience, strangling(?), cursing, angst?

a/n: took a bit of inspo after watching the boys' video of the asylum, but nothing exactly like it. just the fact that the place is an asylum

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

word count: 3.6k

[u n e d i t e d]

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As they were making their iconic intro and explaining what this new place was about, you made sure to have a sturdy pulse whilst filming them.

"Today, it's just me, Sam and our lovely cameragirl, Y/n." Colby said, letting you shift the camera towards your face and smile at it.

"Hello there." You said, making sure your face was extremely close to the camera, merely because it has become your way of introducing yourself.

"And since it's only us today like the good old days, we decided to make something fun. ALL of us." Sam explained to the camera and smirked, looking directly at you.

You batted your eyes, looking at them while they kept on smiling menancingly at you. "This wasn't a part of the contract." You said, gaining a laugh from both of them.

You zoomed onto his face and began talking with this soft, almost narrative voice. A voice you very well knew they enjoyed. "What is this oh so fun idea you seem to be hyping about, mr. Golbach?"

"Why thank you for asking." Sam nodded slightly, moving his attention towards the camera. "The three of us are gonna do a little challenge tonight." He clapped his hands together as you began unzooming the camera, putting Colby back on frame.

"That's right, we're going to walk alone, lights out throughout some of the most haunted corridors from this place." Colby continued. "The owners of this place told us it gets freaky when people are alone, so we thought this might get us some good activity."

"We have some cameras with nightvision but we're not gonna see shit." Sam added, "After a while, we all should find our way back to the main lobby."

"So stay until the end to see how that's gonna turn out." Colby says, getting close to the camera before covering it with his hand, making you stop the recording for the cut.

"That was pretty good." You said, looking at the video slightly.

"You're still good with the challenge, right?" Sam asked, looking at you. You scoffed.

"Please. I wouldn't have come if I wasn't sure about it. Remember you told me about it before the video?"

"I know, I know. Just making sure, you know how I am." He laughs. "Wouldn't want you to do something you're not comfortable with."

"You're saying that like we haven't known eachother for how long?"

He chuckles. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Alright, so since we're all settled, should we start right away?" Colby chimed in, looking at both of you.

"Not yet. This place has some good cinematic potential, lemme cook first." You said, looking around with your flashlight.

"Aight, we'll let you do your thing, I'll go ahead and look for the equipment." Colby said.

"Oh, shoot. I forgot to ask the owners about something." Sam said, taking out his phone.

"Go out with Colby, I'll be here waiting." You said, fixing back your camera to start recording.

"Alone?" They both asked, looking at eachother and then at you.

"I do my best work alone, gentlemen. You know that." You begin walking towards the shadiest corridor you've seen in your life, without even looking back.

"Oh wow. Fearless. She's trying to do the challenge before us." Colby laughed.

"Alright, I'll be super quick. If anything happens, just yell. As loud as you can." Sam said, smiling.

"Copy that." You laughed.

In the blink of an eye, you were left alone. You were used to these type of things, so it didn't bother you much. You've somehow become numb to all of this paranormal adventuring.

And that was one of the main reasons why you liked to take control of the camera, since you were able to keep your cool in stressful situations, making it easier for the viewers later on.

Plus, you didn't know how to act on camera and they were the professionals... allegedly.

Whenever something odd happened, you made sure to try and record as much as you could, in the best angles possible. You liked to joke around and call yourself a professional in your craft, although sometimes it wasn't even a joke.

You were passionate about it. The videos and the ghosts, it was only natural to try and do more, risk yourself to do something more interesting and outgoing.

That's a piece of yourself they loved about you. You were simply a perfect match in their combo.

As you began to do your cinematic, you began to have shivers. A sudden draft of air passing through you, as if a window suddenly opened.

Looking around, there was no possible way of that happening. You were in the middle of the corridor, absolutely no chance of an air draft simply passing through so randomly.

You thought it might've been a bit odd, but nothing you haven't felt before anyways. While you kept on making some videos, an eerie feeling of someone watching crossed over your spine.

The sensation of a presence slowly getting closer to you behind your back.

Almost feeling the heat of another person behind you, towering over you.

Hurriedly looking back, you were met with Sam's hand almost touching your shoulder. He stopped midway, knowing he got caught trying to scare you. "You bitch." You spit out, making him laugh.

"Damn it!" He said mid laugher. "I was so quiet this time, how do you always seem to know?"

"I can feel you lurking closer, you stalker." You looked away from his gaze, trying to ignore the thoughts of his pretty face. You began walking back to where he came from, meeting Colby in the process.

"I'm not a stalker, if anything, I'm protecting."

"Quietly from the shadows, sounds like a stalker to me, but you do you." You smiled softly, looking at the confused Colby.

"I left for a second, what did I miss?"

"Stalker behavior, nothing else." You said, putting your camera up again and ready to record.

Colby shook his head from side to side, already being on your side of the story without even asking further questions. "I can't believe you brother."

"Wha- it wasn't-..." Sam sighed, defeated. He knew you were joking, so he wasn't going to win anyways.

You laughed and pointed the camera at them. "Ready when you are." They nodded and you began to record.

"So as you can see, in our hands we have some devices that we'll scatter throughout this first room. If you've been here before, you'll probably be familiar, but if you haven't, these are basically some motion censor devices that will let us know if something walks infront of it." Colby explained, turning one of the devices on and showing to the camera how it worked.

As they organized everything, the REM-POD immediately began beeping. "Oh, shit. That's the rem pod." Sam said, stopping on its tracks. "That was the temperature dropping."

You made sure the camera caught that as you got closer to it. "Oh fuck. I was feeling a bit cold since we got here." Colby added. "Alright. I think we're ready."

"Okay. If there's any spirit around that would like to communicate with us, we would like for you to use any of these devices we've put up for you." Sam started, as you made sure to get far enough from everything for the shot.

"You can touch these lights on the floor, or maybe this device I have on my hand." Colby continued, pointing towards the EMF reader. "We mean no harm, we'd just like to talk to someone."

A couple of seconds passed, looking around, waiting for something to happen.

"Maybe they don't want..." Sam began, before getting interrupted by the REM-POD beeping, making you hurriedly move your camera angle. "Oop. Nevermind. Thank you very much. Can you do that again if you're here with us? To let us know it wasn't something else?"

Silence filled the room for a while, before the device started to beep once again.

Excited, they began asking questions to this entity, expecting for it to be somewhat intelligent enough to give answers back.

Luckily, it was. It seemed to be someone that died inside the asylum, a woman. Curious about the story of this woman, they kept on asking questions. Some of them being answered, others being completely ignored.

Asides from the constant beep from their device, you heard a knock coming from one of the corridors. Quickly looking around, they stopped talking. "What?" Colby asked.

"Heard something." You whispered. The room went silent, followed by what sounded like footsteps getting closer. You turn the camera back at them and their faces were shocked.

"Holy fuck." Sam whispered.

"That was like... thumps. We're the only ones here, right?" Colby asked him.

"Yeah, we're supposed to be." Sam says, walking towards the place they heard the sound, quietly. You followed close behind. "Hello?"

Nothing. They kept on looking around, searching and at the same time waiting for something else to happen. "There's no one here." Colby says. "But that was clear as day."

"Super clear, the camera must've have heard that, for sure." Sam said, looking at you as you nodded. "That was crazy."

"Yeah, let's try something else but closer to this area, maybe it's more active." Colby said, and all of you nodded.

A couple of minutes later, and you were all set up. This time around, they turned on a spirit box to try and communicate better.

The idea was to first use it as normal, then for Colby to do the Estes Method.

And so, the spirits began to talk.

"What's this." It spat out. Colby and Sam looked at eachother, smiling.

"Hello, this is a spirit box, you can use it to communicate with us. Would you mind telling us who you are?" Sam said, looking around.

"Hello?"

"Hi, hello." Colby responded. "Who are we talking to."

"I'm scared."

"Scared? Scared of what?" Colby asked, furrowing his eyebrows whilst looking at the camera.

"Behind you."

They quickly looked behind them. "Oh, fuck. I hate that." Colby said, as you smiled at their gestures.

It quickly faded away when you felt the familiar presence of someone behind you.

Heart racing, you looked around for a second, but there was nothing there. It didn't mean the feeling went away, though.

"Monster. Care..." It seemed the audio cut before finishing the whole word.

"Monster... care?" Sam asked, confused.

"Or maybe it meant careful? Like, careful of the monster?" Colby questioned.

"It would make sense. What monster are you talking about? Is it harming you? Are you scared of this monster... or... person?"

It took a while before responding. Last thing it said, before a screech filled the radio was... "Run."

Quickly, they turned it off. They looked at eachother. "That was terrifying." Colby said. Sam nodded and sighed.

"Let's try and look around for some other place. This doesn't feel safe." Sam said and everyone agreed.

For the past hour of recording, moving around and joking here and there, you felt a bit uncomfortable. Usually, you weren't the type to get scared over the paranormal, but this place felt more eerie than usual.

You heartbeat has been increasing slowly, as well as a slight pain in your chest that quickly faded. You felt watched.

There was a point where you even felt slightly touched, quickly warning the boys about it.

Due to this, they almost discarted the idea completely, thinking you might be getting targeted, scared that it might do something to you. It took you a couple of minutes of convincing them to keep on recording before the conversation was dismissed.

You tried to brush it all off, as 'something you've felt before', but deep down you were really anxious about it. Perhaps it made you feel better to think about it being just the nerves.

But you weren't the type of person to feel these nerves for no reason.

"Hey, you good?" Colby touched your shoulder and whispered to you, noticing you seemed a bit weird. "You seem out of it today."

"Yeah, I'm good. I was just zoning out."

"Yeah, I noticed." He chuckled, looking into your eyes. "You sure you're okay though?" He raised an eyebrow, seemingly concerned. "You don't look well."

"What? Do I look like a ghost to you?" You asked, smiling, which quickly made him show that gorgeous smile you loved.

"More like you've seen one." You shook your head.

"I'm fine. I've just seen some shadows running in the corners of my eye, but nothing too big to point out."

He batted his eyes. "You've what?"

"Calm down, you know I see those things all the time. It's nothing new." Half of it was true. The other half, well... there was a chance you might've seen a whole figure standing close to a doorframe, but you felt your imagination was tricking you too much tonight, so you didn't say anything.

You weren't a psychic or a medium or something close to it anyways. If anything, you'd probably consider it more like a hallucination due to the constant lack of sleep you've been having lately.

"I know, I know, but still. You could tell us about it, you know? Maybe we all see the same thing you do and since you don't point it out, we don't notice."

You rolled your eyes playfully. You were about to say something, but a breeze passed through your ear, a soft whisper saying "Come play."

You jumped, covering your ear and walking closer to Colby. "Shit." You whispered.

Confused, he held your shoulders. "What? What? You heard something?" His worry was enough for Sam to stop setting the cameras up and walk closer.

"What happened?" He asked. You looked around where you were standing.

"Did you guys not hear that?" You asked, the shook their heads. "I heard something like... right next to me." When you said that, Sam began recording once again.

"Alright, so... apparently Y/n just heard something right next to her." He began explaining to the camera, pointing it at you.

"It was like a whisper, it.. uh... it just said 'come play', like, the creepiest shit you can say. I even felt the air on my ear, that shit made me jump." You tried laughing about it to not let the mood down, but it wasn't working much.

"Although I really want to, maybe we shouldn't do the challenge." Colby said, looking at Sam straight in the eyes, genuinely worried.

"Guys. Come on. Don't back down when we're this close." You said. "We're basically done for tonight, this is the last thing we're doing and we're out, right?"

"...yeah." Sam whispered. "Let's..." He sighed. "Let's do it. Just like she said, we walk through the corridor and come back straight away."

Althought skeptical, Colby nodded. "Fine. Let's hurry up then. The quicker we begin, the quicker we're leaving this place."

And so, everyone held their cameras and said their goodbyes. The three of you went through your respective corridors and began walking, alone, with no light.

"Alright guys. I'm not good at, like, talking to the camera but I'll try." You sighed, pointing the camera at your face while slowly walking the dark corridor.

"Honestly? I'm usually not as creeped out when we come to places like this, but this one is like... up there. It's giving me the chills, making me paranoid, I feel like I'm... seeing thing. Or maybe I'm just sleep deprived. That's... that's also an option now that I think about it."

Looking around with the camera, although it's absolutely useless, you started feeling out of breath. Almost as if the air didn't reach your lungs anymore. "It feels... hard to breathe." You took a deep inhale and shakily exhaled.

You gulped, your throat suddenly feeling dry as the lack of oxygen was evident.

"I'm just gonna walk... faster. I wanna get this over with..." And so, you did. But the further away you got, the worse it all felt. You felt your vision starting to get blurry although you could barely see anything.

You paused as your vision began to get used to the darkness.

At the end of the corridor, what you could shape out like a human figure was standing there. Seemingly the same one you barely saw before.

This time, it didn't seem to go away.

You were also alone.

Unable to breathe.

You don't know when it started, but you were unable to breathe properly. You choked, trying to regain yourself from the feeling.

Your neck feeling tight, your stomach hurting at the sudden feeling.

Putting your hands on your neck, you coulnd't feel anything that would make you feel this way. You started to get worried.

You felt as if you were being choked. You tried to scream, but all that you could spat out from your lips was a soft, quiet, 'help'.

Trying to turn around and walk back, you saw the figure again and got scared, falling towards the floor. You coughed for air, sucking back as much as you could but being unable to.

Leaving the camera behind, you tried to crawl back to where you came from, but the lack of circulation on your body failed you as you coulnd't handle it anymore.

Your body falling on the floor, the camera seemingly recording your movements come to a halt.

Your eyes closing, leaving you unconscious.

It didn't take long before Sam and Colby got back to the lobby. Waiting for you, something seemed off.

They knew the corridor wasn't as long as theirs. You should've been the first one out by that logic. They've been waiting long enough and they were starting to get worried.

Even though the concept of the challenge was to be alone in the darkness, the idea of you being in trouble was too much to bare.

Heck, even if you were pranking them, the anxiety of you not coming back on time was driving them insane, they were ready for a scare if it had to come to that.

But the scare they were expecting wasn't the one they got.

Minutes of walking and calling out your name came to a stop when they saw you on the floor.

Hurriedly, they ran towards you and fell to the floor, yelling out your name. "This isn't funny, Y/n!" Sam yelled, moving your body, only to notice how cold you felt. His heart sank.

"Y/n, come on!" Colby said, putting himself on the other side, looking at Sam. The color from his face was gone when he felt her body. Colby, worried, touched your body and understood why he looked that way. "Oh, fuck. Fuck!"

Throwing the camera to the side, Colby quickly checked your pulse. "Sam. Call 911. This is serious." You still had a pulse, but you weren't breathing. First thing that came to his mind was CPR.

While Sam began to call, Colby was trying as hard as he could to help out. He began doing mouth to mouth, trying to bring some oxygen back to your lungs.

Tears streaming down both of their faces. Colby started making compressions to your chest, while Sam was talking to the 911 dispatcher and using the flashlight to illuminate Colby.

Luckily, they weren't too late. You began to cough and moved to the side to spit out some saliva. You breathed heavily and both of the guys sighed in relief.

As you tried to catch your breath, they softly held you up in place while your color came back to you. You blinked a couple of times, adjusting your view to your surroundings.

When you looked at them, they hugged you tight. "Fuck..." Sam whispered. "Let's get the fuck out of here right now." He held you softly and helped you out, as Colby grabbed all of the cameras.

It was hard for you to walk. It felt as if a ton of weight was keeping you from even standing up. It felt as if your limbs went numb, the lack of oxygen probably acting up.

Sam noticed, and didn't hesitate on holding you up and putting you on his back so that you could rest. They began walking as fast as they could, reassuring you that you will be fine.

You were focused on getting your breath back while listening to them scream at the spirits.

"You are not allowed to follow us home." Listening to Colby talk like this, while taking all of the equipment made you feel light. You started moving your arms and made sure to hold onto Sam, closing your eyes.

"You'll be okay. We're leaving." Sam reassured you, waiting for Colby to grab everything and get out of there in a rush.

After the police arrived and handed you an oxygen mask, you started feeling much better. You had some marks on your neck, like some hands were just squishing the air out of you.

Your body... at first, you could even see your veins pop out of your legs because of your lack of color. The poor circulation that ran through your body for a couple of minutes really drove your body to its limit somehow.

It took you a while to be able to stand on your two feet again, but before the police left you could walk on your own just fine. Sam and Colby however still managed to help you out.

"Let's head back home." Sam whispered to you. You nodded slightly and tried to walk on your own, only to be held up by Colby.

"Don't force yourself right now. You need some rest." He said, taking you back to the car. Your face having a rush of blood because of the gesture.

"I... I can walk."

"Let us do this. Please. It's too much already that you fainted right when we weren't with you." Sam said, looking at you, your heart racing at the look of his blue eyes upon you. You gulped.

"...f..fine." You said, resting your head on Colby's chest, making him smile.

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part two is up!! the link is in the beginning! <3

thanks for reading all the way! likes, comments and requests are much appreciated.

-nikkõ

[that-student-that-has-homework]

Portgas D. Ace Headcanons 01

Excuse me Oda-sensei, but that 40 year old Ace is simply criminal. Thank you so much for blessing us with him

Anyway! Have some Husband!Ace headcanons For more Ace content please head to my Tumblr MasterList

Ace is, respectfully, a huge simp for his wife

To the extent that the Whitebeard crew straight up jokingly awarded him with a “Biggest Wife Simp” Award

They made it look official and had Whitebeard sign it and everything. There's even a stamp.

Ace has it framed and hung proudly on the wall next to your bachelor’s degree / college diploma / degree in general. 

I feel like despite his own personal insecurities, Ace still manages to be an amazing father

I imagine Ace originally setting out for like one or two kiddos at most (because y'know...what if he's not good enough) and ending up with 3 or 4 kids

Thing is, that’s both your faults.

Ace is tender and goofy with his kids, and he’s so friggin caring: to the extent that…well wouldn’t it be neat to see him with maybe another 2 or 3 kiddos of his own? 

(Your husband is hot okay?)

In his case, he swears you have a unique glow about you when you’re pregnant. But more than that when he sees you with your first born, he suddenly wants a big family with you.

I imagine his kids are an eldest son, then his princess, then the youngest boy who takes after his uncle Luffy.

His kids aren’t parentified. He keeps his issues far, far, away from them. Besides, he’s got you by his side.

He was dedicated to making sure they got as much playtime as possible.

He heard about learning through play, and he is DEDICATED to doing that as much as possible

Ace’s kids are spoiled with affection, but not spoiled brats.

While it’s true he’d give them the world, he’d rather let them go get it themselves. 

For example: when they asked for a tree house, he gave them the greenlight immediately.

But they had to build it themselves.

It was a super fun project lasting a little over two months with the whole family involved.

Oh and the Whitebeard crew helped too.

It took a while to get the design down initially, then the shopping logistics and whatnot (they used a lot of math here - see education via play)

Building the thing took maybe a weekend or two because the Whitebeard Crew and even the Strawhats came over to help

(It was mostly Franky and Usopp doing work, Sanji was cooking with Thatch)

Uncle Luffy was not allowed near the construction zone after an accident.

They almost destroyed the tree house with their partying once

Ace’s kids were not happy and no one was allowed in the backyard for the rest of the night

He makes sure they have proper manners and self-defense skills

You had to help out here, no lie.

He admitted he needed your help, especially after a dinner with Garp where Makino tagged along to see Ace again

He puts all of his kids into martial arts classes

especially his princess - he’s so proud of her when she beats up bullies

He’s not great at discipline though to be honest. He probably goes about it similarly to Garp. 

Ace will not tolerate any of his kids being nasty to their mother. No matter the phase.

You will have to hold him back if you want to let them get their frustration off their chest.

He’ll let them talk, but you’ll have to keep a hand on him somewhere, his arm, his hand, his knee, his shoulder, his back and rub soothing circles

Let’s just say, “talk shit, get hit,” is Ace’s attitude towards anyone being demeaning towards you (more so with adults, not his kids, but that's why they get a scolding)

"Ace my love" (he melts every time you call him that) "the kids’ll start thinking you love me more than them if you do that"

"My kids won’t disrespect their mother though!"

"They’re just venting darling, and when they say or do something that violates my boundaries, I'll be sure to reinforce it. Lead by example right?"

If they ever feel like pissing Ace off for fun they can just say something kinda not nice about you and he'll get mad and they'll flee from him giggling like the little gremlins they are

Ace is veeeeeeeeerry physically affectionate and he isn’t shy about it at all.

At gatherings with the Whitebeard family, he will gladly seat you in his lap, he will happily hug you as you are seated.

His arm is on your waist most of the time.

They tease him to make him tone it down, he does not.

He, in fact, dials it up. Turns up the heat lol.

You have kids? Not in front of them? What do you mean, not in front of the kids? It’s important they know just how much he loves their mama!

So he will continue to be playful with his hugs and kisses and other displays of affection.

It’s nothing too over the top. Just hugs and quick pecks wherever.

Your entire head is fair game for his smooches, your arms (he loves kissing your pulse and then making eye contact, sneaky guy that he is), your shoulders.

Maybe lifting you and spinning you around. Cuddles. Little bites.

He will play-wrestle his kids to “fight” them over getting to cuddle you, and then he’ll just put all his weight on all of you in a group cuddle

Just to let you know, your kids also receive all the warmth and love of his affections.

When his sons are still tiny and adorable, he smooches them all over. The kisses grow less frequent as they grow older, but the hugs do not stop.

Oh no, hugs galore.

Ace still pecks his little princess on her forehead though

When they’re all under ten he’ll wrap them in a hug (after he chased them down and caught them so they’re laughing and screaming) and start smooching their cheeks while they laugh and try to get out of his grasp

Also yes she’s his princess, but that girl has no problem throwing a fully grown man twice her size around, he made sure of it.

I reiterate: Ace is not remotely shy about displays of affection

Like his eldest could have a friend over, and Ace would still launch a full scale hug attack using the rest of his troops (daughter/youngest)

It's complete with screeching, screaming, and a lot of laughter

His kids used to get teased for it, but it didn’t take more than a few conversations for them to instead jeer at the kids that teased them.

"You’re all jealous your parents don’t love you like ours do"

"How sad, your parents don't hug and kiss you"

Their dad, grandpa, uncle - uncles really, are all gremlins - it's in their DNA

The kids are really physically affectionate with each other as a result

Deadass they’ll be kicking the shit out of each other one second and the next they’ll be all cuddled and huddled up playing Mario Kart or something

Ace is his kids’ hero.

His sons aspire to have his level of fitness.

His daughter, when she’s older, uses him as a standard for dating

You're relieved

Ace is touched and a touch nervous, because he is aware of his shortcomings, though he works hard to keep improving

Of course when you look at him, a twinkle in your eyes, and tell him, “I’m so proud of her, I’m so proud of you!” He feels better

When you continue: “if she can find a guy like you, who cherishes her as much as you cherish me, I’d be so happy.”

Ace loves you so much he swears

[bumblingbabooshka]

i love the tuvix dynamic as it exists don’t get me wrong but it would’ve been way funnier if neelix had continued to be a little rascal in the way he was set up to. imagine an episode where tuvok is trying to nail him for starting a pyramid scheme

[palskippah]

Hi!

Thinking about the differences between both Goldenheart babies and the relationship with their fathers ajsdkas there's some other drawings under the cut :y

(love when artists make different fankids from the same ship interact ajsdk)

-Btw he/they pronouns for both fankids asjdkd

-Baby has beautiful dark eyes (got the eye-shape from Ambrosius and the 🥺 energy from Ballister) and Cyrus got 'stares into your soul' eyes (got the blue from Ambrosius, and the intense staring from Ballister)

-Also, see that Baby is taller than Ballister (like Movie Ambrosius is) and Cyrus is shorter than Ballister (like Comic Ambrosius is) waa

-Also, I've been thinking that maybe the 'Baby' nickname was given by Ambrosius, and that's why Cyrus doesn't have it, because his fathers hadn't been too close during the pregnancy, mainly because Ballister hadn't wanted them to be.

>Comic Ambrosius referred to him as Baby once and Ballister stopped that right away with 'his name is going to be Cyrus, don't call him Baby'.

>Movie Ambrosius called him Baby once, given the lack of a name from before they had even known that he was a boy, and it just stuck right away.

-Comic Cyrus' reaction is based over the phrase 'when I remember I'm my father's daughter' that I saw once in a meme 😭

>Ballister said it just as a passing thought, but it didn't leave Cyrus' mind for years.

>Also, he's been hearing stuff from both Nimona and Ballister since he was a little kid, and that really warped his perception on Ambrosius.

>(Y'know with like the smallest of comments made by an adult about someone else, it can stay forever?) Ballister had thrown some comments that he didn't think twice about, and didn't think that Cyrus would pay much mind at either, BUT THEY DID and yeah

>I find it so interesting how easy it is to plague a kid's mind with stuff, even if unintentionally 🧍 (also I love how that was used in the Nimona movie WA)

-And Movie Baby's reaction is when you're compared to someone you deeply admire ajsdaj

>After that, they'd occasionally think about his abba (the most trustworthy of sources) saying that they were a lot like Ambrosius.

-Random thought but Baby's love language is being an annoying little shit. He could pretend to box with Ballister when he's busy working on something (not interrupting him, mind you, he's a good son). Or be like 'daddy. daddy. daddy. daddy. Papa. Dad. Father. Progenitor-' while Ambrosius' like 'what? what? what. what. what do you want? what is it? One more and I'll smack you. I warned you (pretends to smack him)' and then Baby says I wanted to say I love you :C and Ambrosius' like oh, love you too son <3

-I drew this thing to see the differences between both asjdk it mostly being that in their movie version it was always teamwork, and in the comic version it was all Ballister (+ Nimona, but the point is that Ambrosius wasn't there to parent too) (thinking if that'd be because Ballister didn't want him around or what, I don't know🧍)

That's it! :D

[buntanteen]

svt fic recs list <3 - yjh, hjs & lee chan - sfw ver.

reader insert fics!! though, lots of these are ot13 writings, i am specifically recommending the jeonghan, joshua and dino sections!

✩ svt writing & fic rec masterlist ✩

note: i haven't made a fic rec list since i was a teen lol. i'm gonna try do 13 recs per list (cuz that's how many members are in seventeen :3) i've added my mini thoughts and i'm going to add lil song recs too!! these lists are partially for me to look back on too :d

✩ yoon jeonghan ✩

❥ jeonghan boyfriends habits - @odxrilove

*sobs in cute lil domestic actions* shut up i LOVE having my hair played with and attention on me and physical touch that isn't necessarily affection and yapping and being playful ahhh

❥ bf!jeonghan headcanons - @etherealyoungk

this is exactllyyyy the kind of s/o i want raaaaaaaaaaaa. teasing, playful, sweetheart, pouty, mature and a listener. this made me smile soooo much

✩ hong joshua ✩

❥ joshua boyfriend habits - @odxrilove

*cries in physical touch and acts of service* mORE hair touching??? are you trying to speak to my heart😭 shua really said "my handbag is your waist" (just one day by bts reference) with that last one*

❥ bf!joshua scenarios - @etherealyoungk

*punches wall in chef shua making reader breakfast* he's just such a sweetieeee. the intentional quality time is something i can sooo see him doing

✩ lee chan/dino ✩

❥ dino boyfriend habits - @odxrilove

*cries in physical touch and acts of service pt.2* as a shy person, i love when my friends order for me (or when there's a qr code lol) i think i'd pass out if someone pulled me by the loop of my jeans kjfdbdfb

✩ ot13 works (yjh, hjs & lee chan sections) ✩

❥ seventeen as boyfriends - @catboyieejeno

super cute, lengthy and detailed for all members! i was swooning and giggling over each of them hehe~

jeonghan's bits of physical affection coupled with noise effects highkey make my heart soar idk whyyy

shua being a gentleman but bro i'll be one right back at you >:)) skincare nights??? as a skincare girly i would loveeee that ahhh

hAND HOLDING WITH CHANNIE GRRR. i love when people listen to me yap (my friend listened to me yap about svt today haha). i agree with that last bit about chan giving confidence and reassurance. he already does that for me as a fan, so it would be amplified by 990211x~

❥ seventeen when you reject their kiss (as a prank) - @emocheol

hannie was such a little shit. of cOURSE he'd be dramatic and do a 180 on the situation so reader is being pranked

shua's reaction was so hot. it was a mature approach to the situation and my brain started barking kjgbkfa

chan's killed me. this poor kid is trying his best jgfdkb

additionally, hoshi and jihoon's made me tear up a bit :,) they're so precious to me

❥ sharing the bed with seventeen - @emocheol

jeonghan. let. me. spoon. you >:((( (i just wanna cuddle him)

cackled at the absurdity of joshua's with full acknowledgement that him reading to me would make me fall asleep lmao

oh no...dino...we'd both kick each other off the bed

❥ matchy-matchy with seventeen - @lovingseventeen

wanna play with jeonghan's hair so baddd. i used to do my and my friend's hair so much as a kid

i don't really wear rings, BUT FOR SHUA I CAN TRY!! (kinda want a ring like svt does in honour of them?! idk tho)

chan and i are gonna pull up in comfy matching set fits yeahhhh

❥ you ask to leave lipstick stains on their face - @gi4hao

getting lipstick stains back from hannie?? fuck yeahhh

flirty shua *blushes and kicks blanket*

damn, dino sounds like he's in heavennnn (he's soooo down bad lmao)

❥ things they left with you before leaving for tour - @seuonji

jeonghan being thorough and specific and intentional with his shirt choices

joshie writing letters arghhhhh. as someone who loves to write letters to friends (via text or on physical cards) this really speaks to my heart

channie's is sooo fucking thoughtful and i freaking love snacks and quality time at a distance is difficult so i love this ahhh

❥ svt when they’re clingy - @gyuslcve

jeonghan's AHHH. how am i supposed to say no to himmm🥺🥺

shua...hE'S SO SOFTTTT HNGHHGHG. back hugs are so niceee ahhh

spooning? forehead kisses? hand holding?!!?! with dino?!?! yess pls :,)

❥ hyper/calm dynamics - @cxffecoupx

calm reader, calm jeonghan. low energy us just chillingg

all of the above reader & shua. fuck yeah. i tend to adapt my energy to the situation, so chaos can unleash whenever heh :3

hyper reader, calm chan. i will look at him with equal parts embarrassment and endearment haha

additionally: i would hype the shit out of hoshi. no one would never handle us grrrrr ఇ◝‿◜ఇ

mini message from me: thank you for reading!! stay cool or warm wherever you're at!! take care of yourselves and treat yourselves to something yummyyyy~ ς(.>‿<)

ames' song recs: serendipity by bts (jimin), heaven by rm, same dream same mind same night by seventeen (vocal unit), yes or no by jungkook & our summer by txt

taglist: no one yet, but if y'all would like to be on it, pls comment :))

[suiana]

✎ yandere! loser headcanons . . .

✎ warnings . . .

― stalking, manipulation, delusional yandere, mentions of p0rn, slight nsfw, stockholm syndrome (?) etc.

(gn! reader x male yandere! oc)

✎ yandere! loser who's basically a shut in, rarely coming out of his apartment except for compulsory lessons at university. he's a huge loser, shit talking others during games, messy apartment, dark eye bag circles, always ordering delivery for his food... he's practically the embodiment of the word loser! if it weren't for his rich parents he would not survived a day past his 18th birthday.

✎ yandere! loser who sees you as his salvation, the only hope in his dark life. through your streams he found purpose in his life - to be with you. and when he found out you went to the same university as him? he just knew that you were meant to be with him! why else would you speak his username so lovingly every time he donates to you?

✎ yandere! loser who's obviously a big virgin. I mean, what would you expect from a guy who hasn't held a girl's hand since he was 5? plus he doesn't even come out of his apartment! the most experience he has is from the pornography he used to watch. don't worry! he doesn't watch it anymore! because now all he has to do is imagine you sucking him off and he cums instantly. he's a true loser. but he's your loser, yours! :D

✎ yandere! loser who stalks you both online and physically. at this point he knows more about you than all of your friends do, maybe even you yourself! he's also the type of guy to like something you posted 69 weeks ago just because he liked how you looked in it. but does one post from long ago matter when he literally spam likes everything you post?

✎ yandere! loser who tries to rizz you up with tips and tricks he read online from sites like Reddit. he read all those success stories in the Reddit comment section so surely it must work out for him too, right?! wrong. because when he tried to pin you against a wall and call you 'baby', you only snorted in laughter, calling him funny and walking off with your friends. why didn't it work?! it was from user @/masterrizzler3000 on Reddit so it should've worked! he's sad now :(

✎ yandere! loser who isn't actually that bad looking. if he put in some more effort into his appearance he would've been a solid 10/10 in your opinion. but unfortunately he doesn't and that brings him to a 6.5/10. don't worry, there's something about his loser self that makes him cuter :) and that's when you decided to give him a chance and go out with him. best worst mistake of your life.

✎ yandere! loser who's actually a pretty good gaslighter and manipulator, so good that you actually agreed to date him. though he isn't aware that he's actually manipulating you so to him, you're falling for him because you genuinely love him. looks like religiously watching monster and death note worked for him. and that kids, is the story of how I (21m) landed myself a solid 100/10 with my loser self!!! -him, probably.

✎ yandere! loser who believes wholeheartedly that you and him are meant to be. sure, you may be a little more lifeless than you used to be, he's not sure why, but you love him! you tell him that every morning after you wake up in his bed! the soft 'i love you's' and 'im yours' from your sweet mouth are practically proof that you love him too, right?! fret not, for he loves you too ♡

✎ "please! I'll die without you-! you... you won't let that happen, would you? haha... of course you won't. you love me after all ♡"

[sinning-23]

Parenthood

OPLA Dilfs with their s/o and their moody teen! Uhhh idk what possessed me to write this but here we go!

D/N= Daughters Name

S/N = Sons Name

Shanks

-Your daughter is literally a witty bundle of joy! She's may not be moody but she definitely had a sarcastic air about her. (Shanks think she gets it from you a little bit)

-She's fast on her feet but also has her pouty moments, most of which occur when she’s told to complete her chores and she'd much rather pretend to steer the ship and watch the water for sea life.

-The most she'll do is roll her eyes and anger her eyebrows but will clear her throat when you use your mom stare on her to get her to 'fix her face'

-"Roll them again and they'll get stuck like that! Now go do what your father asked!" you snap, seeing her scurry away.

-She rarely gives Shanks attitude but when she does she tries to have it come across as joking.

-"(D/N), take these to-" "Sure dad I'll give you a hand.”

“……”

“……”

“I’m telling your mother” he chuckles, the color draining from her face.

“NO WAIT!”

Buggy

-Your son is literally a menace and just as moody as his father, if not worse. You have to deal with constant attitude, eye rolling, and the frequent mumble under the breath.

-Buggy usually catches it and is quick to flick the boys forehead and that also results in a scuffle between the two.

-"Tell your husband to get off my DICK!" S/N shouts as Buggy chases him around the arena.

"WATCH YOU MOUTH YOU LITTLE SHIT! And quite trying to turn your mother on me!" Buggy shouts back, various body parts launching at the blue haired teen.

-Sometims it feels like youre dealing with two children because in the end each of them has and ear being pinched between your delicate fingers.

-"S/N, watch your mouth. Just because you’re a sailor doesn't mean yo need to swear like one. Buggy, darling." You begin sweetly before pinching harder,

"STOP PROVOKING OUR SON TO ANGER!"

Mihawk

-The twins have...rather manageable attitudes when they’re reminded to calm down.

-Hell, when they were born they’d practically sneer at you if their feeding or nap time was off by a milisecond.

-Your son and daughter look closer to you accept the obvious yellow eyes. (You didn't really stand a chance when it came to the eyes,)

-Your son is more subtle with his attitude, giving jabbs to his father while your daughter just flat out doesn't give a shit.

-One day, durring an outting to stock your home with more goods, the twins noticed how everyone that lived on the village you currently reside don sort of....stared and judged them. of course they could care less but tey couldn't help but shoot insults in quiet whispers.

"She's not nearly as alluring to be this witless." S/N states, following behind you but keeping pace with his twin sister.

"If only her mother had swallowed." D/N adds.

You choke at that last one.

-Both you and Mihawk ge your fair share of attitude but all it tasks if the threat of an intense and bone breaking training sessions and all attitudes simply cease.

[cavegirlpoems]

The Two D&Ds

I am going to make two statements:

I despise D&D, and consider it a parasitic drain on ttrpgs as an artform.

I love D&D and my fascination with it continually inspires me to create art using it.

These two statements might seem to be at odds, but in fact there is no conflict when one considers that the term 'D&D' is being used to refer to two completely different things. I hate one of those things and like the other. So let's unpack that. Firstly, there's D&D-as-a-lifestyle-brand. D&D as presented by critical role, by memes about horny bards and wholesome gay tiefling found families, and by the wider hasbro-sanctioned fandom. Where the actual design and mechanics of the game are a vague suggestion that exists homeopathically in the same vicinity as what you're doing. But really, you're inventing blorbos, collecting pretty dice, and speculating on events in an actual-play on twitch; the rules in that very pretty rulebook are an afterthought to the fandom.

Then there's D&D-as-a-family-of-ttrpg-mechanics. This covers the various editions of Dungeons & Dragons - from the white-box OD&D to 5th edition and everything in between - as well as various retroclones, hacks and spin-offs such as the OSR, Pathfinder, etc. This isn't defined as a cultural space; it's a set of game mechanics and design principles shared across the text of various games. And there's a lot of variation with the specifics, but like The Blues, if you know the basic structure it all makes sense.

The two D&Ds have very little to do with each other.

When indie people like myself criticise D&D, we are usually criticising the first one. We're generally outsiders to that fandom-space who are unhappy with the way that fandom encroches on, and ultimately stiffles, everything else in ttrpgs as an artistic medium. We tend also to dislike the very shallow interest in that fandom of the things we care about in ttrpgs - game design, gameplay, theory, criticism, etc.

Here's the thing. I am, personally, immensely critical of D&D-as-lifestyle-brand. I detest it, honestly. It strikes me as a corporate exploitation of the wider medium in pursuit of an easy profit, at the expense of catering to the lowest common denominator. Like invasive kudzu, it chokes out all ecological diversity in the art-form. Its a homogenising influence, and in my experience pretty anti-intillectual.

Because, at risk of sounding like a pseud, I consider ttrpg design to be an art-form that merits serious effort, discussion and appreciation.

However. D&D-as-a-set-of-games I actually quite like. I find myself fascinated by the way so many games take apart the starting framework of a given edition of D&D - like your 12-bar-blues structure - and adapt it and riff on it and fuse it with other genres. I find it interesting to track the way whole movements and genres mutate out from that starting position. Hell, I do that myself, a lot. A lot of my design work takes the very early editions of D&D as a starting point, gets into a groove, and riffs on it until it's seemingly unrecognisable.

To me, a work like Mork Borg is D&D (the second definition). It is, however, totally unrelated and unrecognisable to D&D (the first definition).

So I will talk about "D&D as the containment game for shit players" and I mean it, because I'm talking about type-1. And I'll do that while designing a paleolithic OSR game, because that's type-2. And by and large, all that happens when both those things intersect is people get upset.

[sanguineterrain]

Hii I am more of a silent reader but really want to start making requests but if you don't like this request you totally don't have to do it. All so if this is too long sorry.

So maybe a Jason prompt with "why not them why me" like they have been spending more time with the Bat boys, making Jason jealous. They confesses they did it to be liked by her boyfriend's family.

Hey anon! Thanks for the request. I tweaked it a little, but it's got the same theme you requested. Hope you like!

jason todd x gn!reader. jealous/sad jason, happy ending, proposal, established relationship. he's the goodest boy. ft the batbros.

****

It's close to nine PM when Dick finally drops you off home.

You turn to Damian first and hold out your hand, expecting him to give you his usual handshake goodbye.

Instead, Damian pats your shoulder and gives you a nod. You blink, startled.

"Today was enjoyable," he says, holding the book about saltwater creatures that he got from the zoo. "I will inform Todd that he has chosen well."

In Damian speak, you may as well have gotten a hug and a blessing.

"Oh," you say, trying not to tear up. "Thank you, Damian. I had a good time, too. Thank you both for spending the day with me."

"This was a test," Damian says, and Dick rolls his eyes in the rear view mirror.

"Dami, stop calling it a test. It wasn't a test."

"Richard, I don't know why you insist on lying. They obviously have figured out that it was a test. In any case, they've passed, so it doesn't matter."

You hide a smile as Dick gives up and gets out of the car. He opens your door.

"I'll see you later, Damian," you say. "Good luck with your science test."

"I do not need luck," Damian replies. "But I appreciate the sentiment. Goodbye."

You follow Dick into your apartment building. You're happy; last week, you spent the day with Tim and Cassandra. The week before that, you officially met Bruce and Alfred.

Dick and Damian were the last "test," and the ones you were most nervous about. From what Jason's told you about his family, Dick and Damian, while total opposites in temperament, are extremely shrewd in their judgments of character, and not easy to please. For all that Dick is friendly and warm, you know he's studying your every move to ensure that you're a good match for his little brother. Not that you blame them; you're sure that being children of a billionaire has resulted in some awful dates.

Today was your fourth outing with Dick, and your second with Damian. At first, Damian seemed totally closed off to you, which you understood. You're his brother's partner; what twelve year old gives a shit about that?

But you feel you've made good progress today. You feel like the Wayne's really like you, and don't just tolerate you because they have to.

"Please don't listen to him," Dick says while you wait for the elevator. "Damian thinks every social interaction is a test. We're working on it."

"It's okay," you say, because it is. "I get it. I'm glad I passed."

Dick shakes his head. "It was never a matter of passing. We thought you were great the first time Jason introduced you to us."

"Dick..." You melt at that, both out of relief and fondness. Dick is probably your favorite one of Jason's brothers, after Damian, of course. He's the most sympathetic to your attempts at connecting with the family and the one who's the gentlest with you.

He smiles, all sunshine, and you're abruptly glad that Jason has a family like this one.

"Are you gonna ask him this week?" Dick asks.

You bite your lip, unable to hide your smile. "I think so. What do you think?"

"I think it's perfect. He doesn't like all that fuss. And you'll be letting him know that you want to marry just him. Not when you're dressed up, on a date, but all of him."

"I do," you say, voice thick. "I do want that, D."

He nods, eyes soft. "I know. I'll see you next week," he says. "Don't worry about the dinner, okay? You're practically family now. And I expect to see a ring!"

He pulls you into a quick hug, and you sag in relief. You did well. It's been confirmed.

"Thank you," you say softly.

The elevator doors open. Dick lets you go, and you wait for the doors to close before you go to your apartment.

"You're out late."

You jump, almost dropping your bag of zoo souvenirs. Jason is leaning against the couch, arms folded. You laugh a little, holding your chest.

"Jay, you scared me! Jeez."

You go to him and lean in for a kiss. He dodges you, slipping away to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

You blink owlishly, trying to process what just happened.

"Um," you begin. "Is everything okay?"

"So where was it this time?" Jason asks. "Escape room? Art museum? Some other place you can't be seen with me?"

"Jason, what are you talking about?"

He finally looks at you. His gaze is intense, lethal. It makes you take a step back. He turns away.

"Where'd you go today? And be honest."

"We went to the zoo, and then we went to dinner. Me, Dick, and Damian. Jay, what's this about?"

Jason looks up. His gaze is no longer lethal; now it's just melancholy.

"Are you with me to get to them?" he asks.

"Get to who?"

"The Bats. Gotham's finest. Bruce Wayne's rag-tag group of orphans he can't stop collecting."

"Are you asking me if I'm in this relationship to get to your family?" you ask, unable to keep the frustration out of your voice.

"Yes. That's exactly what I'm asking. I'm asking if you like my media-trained, not-undead family who you can actually spend time with publicly. I'm asking if you like my Boy Wonder brother, who'd probably show you a better time than I can."

"Jason Wayne, I have never cheated on you or thought about cheating on you. With Dick or anyone else," you say firmly. "Now, what's this about?"

Jason's face falls.

"You're right," he says quietly. "That was stupid 'f me to say. I know you're faithful, baby."

He won't look you in the eye now. It is reminiscent of the beginning of your relationship when Jason would retreat whenever you argued. It wasn't until you confronted him about it that you learned that he thought every argument was your last and that you'd break up with him the next day.

"Jay," you say, getting closer. "Something's obviously bothering you. Talk to me, please."

He stays quiet. You get close enough to touch him, but you don't, in case he's not ready to be touched yet.

"Why me?" he rasps.

"Why you what?"

He takes a sharp breath. "Why not them? Why me? Why d'you bother with me?"

"Jay, baby, where's this coming from? I don't bother with you, I love you. I am in a relationship with you because I want to be."

"You've hung out with them this whole month," he mumbles. "And I know we can't go out anytime 'cause I'm technically dead, but I just—I mean, we could work something out if you really wanna go. I wanna do that stuff with you too."

"Jason, no, no," you say, and reach for him. This time, he lets you pull him into a hug, and you kiss his chin. He makes a soft sound in his throat.

"Oh, honey, is that what this is about? You think I'm replacing you?"

"'S happened before," he mumbles, and you screw your face up so you won't cry at that.

"Jason, I—" You take a deep breath and release him until you're holding his hands. "Fuck me, I guess there's no time like the present."

Jason squints. "What're you—"

"I met them to ask for their blessing," you say before you can lose your nerve. "I hung out with them because I wanted to make sure they'd like me, and I should've told you, but I wanted to keep it a surprise."

"Keep what a surprise? Sweetheart, what's—"

You let go of Jason's hands and get down on one knee. Jason's eyes go wide.

"Holy fuck," he says, and you laugh wetly.

"Jaybird, we've been together for a long time, and I'm positive that you're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I hung out with your family this month so I could be sure that we'd get along. Because I know they're important to you, even if you have your rough patches."

"Holy fuck," Jason says again, eyes glassy.

You smile and pull out the black velvet box with the ring that Alfred had helped you choose.

"Jason Wayne, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you—mmph!"

Jason is on you in an instant, and the box tumbles from your hand. He presses you to the floor and kisses you hard, his hands squeezing your waist.

"Jay, this part is supposed to come after we get married, not before," you say when he finally lets you break for air.

"What can I say? Commitment gets me hot."

You wrap your arms around his neck, comfortable under him. Jason kisses you again, softer and sweeter.

"So is that a yes?" you ask.

"It's an emphatic yes, oui, si, ja, da..."

"Okay, I get it, Bruce put you in private school," you say, rolling your eyes. Jason pinches your hip and you squeal.

He rolls you over so you're atop him.

"I'm sorry I said those things," he says. "I didn't—I know you wouldn't do that. I was just upset, but I shouldn't have accused you out of anger."

"I forgive you," you say and kiss his temple. "It's not the last fight we'll have, and if I was afraid of a few arguments, I wouldn't ask you to marry me, Jay. Thank you for communicating."

"Fuck, I love ya," he whispers, and hugs you tighter.

"Ditto!" you say, and he snorts.

"So my entire family knows I'm getting married then, huh?"

"What? No. I only told Dick."

Jason laughs. "Yeah. Everybody definitely knows."

"Jay, I didn't mean..."

"Aw, baby, no, it's okay. I never thought I'd actually make it this far, so it's really okay." He kisses your nose when you start to frown. "And I'm the first Wayne to get married for real. Suck it, B!"

"Please don't put that in your vows, Jay."

Jason grins so hard, his cheeks puff out.

"No promises, fiance."

[cosmerelists]

Stormlight Characters Meet an Octopus

As requested by @miss-madithe-baddie :)

It's Octopus Time on Roshar!

1. Kaladin

Kaladin: [stares at octopus] Octopus: [stares at Kaladin] Kaladin: So it...what? Is it one of those creatures that squishes down into crevices during storms? It doesn't look like it has bones. Kaladin: Kinda big though. Would need a big crevice. Octopus: [stares at Kaladin] Kaladin: ... Kaladin: I feel like it's judging me, somehow.

2. Bridge Four

Moash: Well, I don't like it. Moash: An animal with no carapace is unnatural. Rlain: ...You're an animal without a carapace. Moash: W-Well, it's different for humans! We can build houses! Drehy: Maybe the giant squish bug builds houses. Drehy: We all saw it pick up the shell and put it on its head. Skar: That's more fashion than construction, I think. Sigzil: We saw it go into the water. It's a sea creature. Sigzil: Sea creatures don't need carapaces like land animals do. Moash: It's on the land right now!! Skar: Guys, shut up! It's wearing a shell as a hat again! Renarin: It really is quite fashionable.

3. Adolin

Adolin: Sure is weird looking! Adolin: Look! It has little sticky cups under its legs! Kaladin: D-Don't grab it! It's gonna bite you! Adolin: I bet it can crawl up walls 'n' stuff! Adolin: Hey, isn't that something you can do too, Bridgeboy? Kaladin: I use Stormlight! Not sticky vine legs! Adolin: Bet its some kind of tiny Windrunner. Kaladin: It is NOT!

4. Shallan

Shallan: Hush, all of you. Shallan: This thing is beautiful! Gorgeous! Octopus: [abruptly changes color to match surroundings] Shallan: !! Shallan: Talented! Amazing! Shallan: This might be the most important drawing I'll ever do! Adolin: ...You drew me last week for our wedding anniversary? Shallan: [already drawing] And you didn't even change color ONCE!

5. Lopen

Lopen: [staring intently at octopus] Lopen: [staring intently at octopus] Lopen: [staring intently at octopus] Lopen: [concentration face] Rock: ...You're trying to grow more arms, aren't you? Lopen: I didn't know EIGHT was an option!

6. Zahel

Zahel: I've seem those things before. Zahel: Very smart. Zahel: Very tasty. Rock: ...Tasty you say? Shallan: NO

7. Navani

Navani: Seeing this bizarre creature gives me so many ideas. Navani: Dalinar, do you think we should build semi-aquatic vehicles that can go on both land and water and develop color-changing camouflage technology? Dalinar [trying to be a supportive husband]: And perhaps the land-water vehicle could have...tentacles? Navani: No ideas are wrong in the brainstorming stage. Navani: But also no.

8. Dieno (the Mink)

Dieno: [gives octopus a bro nod] Octopus: [gives Dieno a bro nod back] Dalinar: ...What was that? Dieno: Ah, it is nothing! Just two master escape artists recognizing each other. Dalinar: Escape...artist? Dalinar: This creature has done nothing but sit on that rock and occasionally go into that pool this whole time. Dieno: Yet nevertheless, people like us...we recognize each other. Dalinar: ... Dalinar: [doubtfully] If you say so. 

9. Dalinar

It is later. Dalinar is walking through Urithiru. Something from above touches his face with a thwick sound. He looks up. The Octopus is looking down at him from the ceiling, one tentacle reaching down. Lift is also in the ceiling. Lift gives him a thumbs up. Dalinar keeps walking.

10. Lift

Lift: Today has been the greatest day of my life. Lift: I had no IDEA there so many vents 'n' shit that someone like you could squish through! Lift: And when you used your dark water attack to push that button? Amazing! Lift: Even I had trouble keeping up with you!! Lift: Truly, you are my new best friend.

[azrielbrainrot]

NSFW Alphabet with Azriel

note: since i did the sfw version i thought i'd do this one too! i hope it's not too bad

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Az is definitely the sweetest after sex and he always makes sure you're okay and feel loved. He either helps you clean up or literally carries you to the bath. Also loves seeing you try to take care of him as well.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Wings feels like an easy answer. He's definitely proud that his are the biggest even though he never shows it, as nonchalant as he acts sometimes you know he's cocky as shit under it all. He's probably proud of his physique in general too.

Is saying everything a cop out? I don't see him having a preference as long as it's you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He almost always cums inside you. Loves seeing it dripping out of you too. Loves fucking it back inside you with his cock or fingers or even cleaning it up with his mouth for you, tasting you both together. Likes cumming down your throat too. And he'll probably like seeing you covered in his cum in general. As long as it was you making him cum and it ends up in or on your body he'll be happy.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Every once in a while he'll use his shadows to pleasure himself.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I actually think he was the last of the bat boys to lose his virginity and get any action at all but, even then, of course he has experience. He's 500 years old. He's the type to make sure he knows what he's doing as well so he definitely practiced everything to perfection.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

I don't really know positions names but I imagine he'll like to fuck you in every way he can think of. Definitely likes missionary so he can watch every little expression you make but I don't see it being much of an actual preference.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's usually serious.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I'm sure he keeps it groomed enough.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He's very intimate. Even when he's rougher, he'll be sure to throw a softer kiss in there at least at the end.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

By himself I don't think he does it that often, especially after meeting you.

Loves watching you do it. You love putting on a show for him too. Like you know he's almost home and you just decide to start without him, letting him get home to the sounds of you moaning his name. He'd tell you to finish and take a seat so he can keep watching with the best view. Then he'll fuck you and keep telling how you did so good for him, putting on such a beautiful show.

I also think he'd use this as a kind of punishment sometimes. You'd be in bed masturbating, trying to make yourself cum and begging for him because his finger, his mouth, his cock feel so much better. But he'd just watch on and cum after you do, getting up to kiss you on the forehead and tell you "next time I'll take care of you if you behave" and walk to the bathroom leaving both of you not quite satisfied.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Let me pull out a list:

dom/sub dynamics. He definitely likes being in control. I see him as a soft/pleasure dom which also comes with a praise kink (I think he'd also like being praised depending on the mood);

voyeurism, but mostly watching you;

cockwarming. Loves watching you sitting on his cock, begging him to move. Which brings me to the next one;

begging. You just sound so beautiful crying for his cock, how could he not.

orgasm control, edging and overstimulation;

breeding. That special tea means he can pump you full as much as he wants without the consequences and he'd be a fool not to take advantage of it;

blood play. On days where things go a bit wrong and he ends up covered in blood so he just winnows in directly to you and fucks you against the wall, covering you in blood too, watching you get corrupted by him (so also corruption lol). He also likes either biting or cutting you a bit and either licking the blood up or writing his name across your body using it;

knife play, truthteller the mvp;

cockwarming;

bondage. I think he likes tying you up but I don't think it would happen that often to be honest. He's very touch starved so he likes when you tear up his back or hold onto him when he's fucking you so well you forget how to breathe. But he also loves tying you up with his shadows and hearing you beg for him, maybe even let his shadows make you cum while he watches.

choking. Loves knowing you trust him enough to literally control how much air you can breathe.

biting, scratching and marking in general. This goes both ways, he loves seeing the marks he leaves on you as much as the ones you leave on him. He definitely likes a bit pain with his pleasure too so he loves when you're tearing his back up with your nails.

a little somnophilia. Loves waking you up by eating you out or being woken up with your mouth or with you straddling his hips;

wing play, almost forgot. He likes it better on softer days or days where you're a bit more in control. When you try teasing him with his wings too much in days where he's feeling rough you always end up with your hands tied up and completely at his mercy.

These are just off the top of my head but I see him being into a lot of things.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Bedroom. Az definitely likes privacy and, unless it's a quicker affair, he definitely makes a mess of the two of you so being safe in your room is just preferable for a lot of reasons. But his shadows give him endless possibilities so you two have a list of places longer than most. Also he fucks you in his dungeon sometimes and it's some of the dirtiest and best sex you've ever had.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You. Short answer but I think he doesn't need much to want to fuck you senseless.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I think he would do almost anything you asked of him. He'd draw the line at really hurting you. I can see him being into spanking, choking, even knife play, some rougher stuff, but never to the point of actually causing much pain.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He could live the rest of his life happily with you sitting on his face. But of course he loves seeing you with his cock down your throat, struggling to fit everything. I think he's kind of in the middle, leaning more to giving.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends on the mood and the day. I think he leans on rough most days but it truly just depends.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

I think he'd always prefer taking his time with you but, especially in the beginning of your relationship, quickies were a regular occurrence. Again, his shadows make things easier here because he can hide the two of you so he doesn't even have to worry about location all that much. I will say quickier always ended with a promise of continuing on later.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yes, he'll try anything you ask of him at least once. He probably tried everything he could think up before too, especially when he was younger.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

I mean he's a trained warrior so his stamina is probably insane. Let's just say he has definitely fucked you until you were dozing off quite a few times.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I'm not sure toys exist in the acotar world but he totally would. I'm also going to consider his shadows as toys here because he uses them on you all the time in a lot different ways.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's a huge tease. Since he loves both overstimulation and edging and has a filthy mouth, either combination would have you with tears running down your face, considering stealing truthteller to stab him sometimes.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

I don't think he's that loud, maybe more when he's close. He likes hearing you more.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

For every time he fucks you dirty and rough he'll make love to you. Well maybe every two times. He's been waiting for a mate/wife for his whole life and he intends to shower her with as much love as he has to give. Obviously I see him being really kinky and I know dirty probably doesn't even begin to describe the things this man does but I genuinely think he likes soft and intimate sex just as much.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He's canonically the biggest since the wingspan keeps being compared to other things. And let's not forget that Nesta couldn't wrap her hand around Cassian's so do with that information as you will.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Really high. I think even worse than Nesta and Cassian all over the House of Wind - he's just not getting caught. Maybe not as much before you but definitely after.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He has trouble falling asleep normally so i don't think he'd fall asleep immediately. Also, like I said, he likes fucking you for hours so you probably knock out a couple minutes after laying down and he'd always fall asleep after you.

[honeyshiddendesire]

PAIRING: Red Leg Zeff x Female Reader x Monkey D. Garp

SUMMARY: You work at the Baratie and can't get enough of the icing that Chef Zeff makes but what happens when he catches you liking it a bit too much…or the one were Garp and Zeff tag team you 🤭

WARNINGS: HEAVY INCEST PLAY (no real relation)!! Use of DAD, FATHER & UNCLE!!! but once again not actually related! Just two old men being super perverts!! Double penetration (vaginal & anal)! Pet names like KIDDO, SWEETHEART, LITTLE GIRL (reader is mid 20s), KID, PRINCESS, DAUGHTER! Super icky shit!!! Reader is around her 20s working at Baratie! Reader doesn't get she's kinda flirty! FOOD PLAY! Sloppy pussy/ass eating 🤷‍♀️, DIRTY TALK, praise & degradation, dick sucking, double penetration full nelson, rough sex, slapping, spanking, hair pulling

LAST WARNING ⚠️ THIS STORY IS NASTY LOL DON'T COME FOR ME BEING LIKE EWWEEE THIS IS GROSS CAUSE YES…YES I KNOW. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

WORD COUNT: 6K plus

*Reposting this! I added to my old/deleted account but now its back. Alot was italicized and bold but that's 6k words I'll have to fix and I'm not about that life lol so enjoy 💖*

“Ohh~ my god~!” A moan deep within your chest erupted as your eyes rolled into the back of your head. Head falling with a dramatic sigh, shoulders dropping in pure ecstasy. “Nnn~ Zefff~ y-you’re amazing~!” A pleased whimper leaving before a drawn out moan of the man’s name left your pretty little throat that still bared itself to him. He wanted to lick up your neck and mark it all over.

“So goood~ Dad~!” You whined out as your brows furrowed, the sweet taste overwhelming your senses and brain. Tongue darting out to lick at the white substance that threatened to drip down your chin. The man watching your every expression with focused eyes. “Zeff~ I want more? Please?” You beg as your eyes finally focus on the older man before you dreamily.

His face beat red for some unknown reason you couldn’t figure out. Chest rising and falling quickly as he looked at you. Arms crossed over that round chest of his making your eyes wander down. You couldn’t help but think of how soft it would feel against you before going back to look at him. Your tongue coming out to lick the spoon he gave you completely clean, eyes looking into his. Swirling your tongue around the spoon for one last time with a light moan as you looked at him deeply. Smiling as you hand the spoon back to him.

Zeff was flustered to say the least, jaw clenched and a deep frown set in his face. Arms crossed gripping tightly as he grinded his teeth, eyes looking at your shiny mouth. Heavy breaths leaving him as your drooling tongue lapped away at the white almost translucent icing. Looking like semen with how lewdly you moaned and sucked on the spoon. Totally unaware of the twitch in the grown man’s cock that you’ve stir to life.

You were only in your mid twenties, around Sanji’s age, the man he considered a son. You were just another kid. Hell you’d both make a good couple together if he was being honest.

Except!

Zeff couldn’t stop thinking of pouring that icing on his cock and making you lick it the same way you did the spoon. Wanting to see if you'd choke with icing and cum smearing those cute cheeks he wanted to smush in his large palm. Forcing you to look at him as he shoves his sticky cock deep in your little cunnie. Needing to pull those same whines and whimpers like you did licking a stupid fucking spoon. Oh how he wanted to split your cunt apart.

Bouncing on your feet with a big smile that has his brow twitching, “Zeff please?” You ask again, wiggling the wooden spoon to him in hopes he would give you more.

He looked at your glistening lips with hunger, they had to be so sticky from the icing he made you taste. You stepped closer with puppy eyes as you held the spoon higher.

“Dad~” You beg him with the name you tease him with as you get closer in his personal space, something you usually did without realizing. Not that he would ever stop you. A name you call him that makes his heart race and cock leak shamefully so.

“Just one more spoon.” He tells you sternly, making you squeal as you close the distance to hug him. Arms wrapping around his soft midsection as you squeezed him tightly, a hum leaving you. “Don’t spoil your dinner.” Zeff tells you as he pats your head making you smile up at him. Hand rubbing your soft waves that smelled of cinnamon and sugar, snickerdoodles, he thought to himself.

“Thanks dad always worrying about me.” You giggle playfully before turning around to scoop some icing out of the bowl.

Moaning as you wiggled your hips side to side happily. Ruffles on your sprinkle patterned skirt exaggerated the movement of your ass shaking as you licked the spoon with a hum. Bending over to put your elbows on the counter gave him a glimpse of your soft looking thighs he wanted to bruise.

Picturing the way you’d squeal as he pried them open, shoving your panties to the side. Your shocked whimper as his thick cock slaps against your cunt before forcing its way inside. But he wouldn’t be able to stop stuffing your tight pussy no matter your protests, needing to feel your cunt filled. Fucking you on the counter with his hands squeezing your thighs till he left marks.

Or keeping you how you are now by just pressing a heavy hand to your head. Smushing your cheeks against the counter as he pushed your panties down and skirt up. Slapping your cunt if you squeal in complaint but he knows you're his good baker. His sweet little girl, always listening and following orders without complaining.

He knows if he slammed his fat cock in your tight wet cunt you’d accept and take whatever he gave. Even if he spanks or fucks your throat, pulling on your ponytail while he rams his cock in. Anything. You’d take it all.

“Zeff. Marine’s are here. Well…one marine?” An employee explained, making him grunt in annoyance now that he had to turn away from your bent over form.

“Tell everyone to go home.” Zeff waves off the guy who just nods, you’re completely oblivious to the whole ordeal.

Shaking your hips to a tune in your head, you never realized how much time had passed or the fact you grabbed wayyyy more than a spoonful. “Hmmhmmhmm~” you sing away as you dig in the bowl again.

Just outside the kitchen Zeff raises a brow at the famous marine, “What’s a marine like you doing here?” He says with a serious voice before both men smile and take a seat together.

“What can I say, Zeff, even Marines can appreciate a good steak.” Giving a roaring laugh that Zeff joined in on casually.

Then as Zeff went to stand and grab drinks he was interrupted by your sweet sounds. Not realizing just how much they echo in his restaurant. The discovery making his heart race with excitement realizing just how loud your voice would travel as he takes you.

“Uh Zeff~” You moan his name still in disbelief that he’s managed to make such a perfect flavor. Texture so smooth yet sticky but somehow still managed to remain light where you can’t help but crave more. Knees nearly buckling so you’re left dropping to your chest on the counter, ass even higher.

On your tippy toes even in your heels, eyes rolled back as you pictured the naughtiest things. Everyone thought little you was so sweet and chipper. Dressed like a cute princess everyday even ignoring Zeff’s protests and still managing in heels. Skirts and dresses with the cutest prints all the while thinking of eating the desserts you make off of Zeff.

Pouring this icing all over his cock, which you bet was perfect enough to stuff you like a cannoli. Thighs pressing together at the thought of him pouring icing on your pussy and licking you clean. His skilled tongue, able to taste every flavor of your essence, pin point every note. The thought left you drooling even more.

“Mmm~it tastes so good.” You whimpered as you let your head lay on the counter on its side. Spoon forgotten in your hand as you needed to calm yourself down. Always getting turned on while eating sweet treats thinking of eating them off the big man, but that was your little secret no one needed to know.

“Just when I thought we became friends, you go and hide a tight thing like that?” Garp whistles as Zeff and him peek in the window on the kitchen door. Your bent over form showing the underside of your ass now making the two old men lick their lips.

“The kid’s a looker that’s for sure…but I don’t know. She’s Sanji’s age I could be her dad.” Zeff grumbled, making Garp laugh deeply.

“Sounds even better. Come on Zeff old man, don’t you want to hear her moan like that around your cock instead of that spoon?” Zeff looked you up and down slowly, picturing your legs on his shoulders, heels scratching him. Your neck thrown back as Garp stretched it out, the bulge in your throat would be clear for the both of them.

Smirking, he looked at Garp who only laughed as he slapped a hand on Zeff’s shoulder. “Haha! That’s the spirit.”

Opening the door the two men entered and that’s when the sweet torture began.

Your ass bent so far that the underside of your cheeks were peeking out. Swinging your hips again you helped the two old men’s gaze. Swaying them side to side in short swings that made your skirt swish around for them to catch a glimpse of your very sheer panties.

Such sheer fabric that they saw every detail of your pretty pussy. The panties were for looks not for coverage as they did everything but cover your intimate areas. Fabric so delicate they could shred it in barely a second. Mouths watering at the sight of you pressing your thighs together with another moan of Zeff’s name. The thigh high socks you wore making their jaws clench.

Your greedy hands having put the spoon in your mouth again, too addicted to the sugary treat to contain yourself longer than a minute. “Ugh~ dad! How do you do it?” You whimpered as your eyes rolled back in a lustful imagination.

What you’d do to lick this icing off of him. Watching that stern expression try to remain calm as you lick his sticky cock.

You wondered what it looked like. Was it thick and short, just all girth to stretch you or was he a big man both length and width? Or maybe none of those and super thin with an average size which is fine as long as he’ll let you sit in his lap.

Oh how you wanted him to just bounce you on his thigh as he calls you his nasty kiddo for wanting such things from an older man. But he’d be even ickier for making your cunt so messy in the first place.

Always being so nice and strong, such a gentleman and chivalrous who could resist. You bet he was wild in bed though. Gentleman act out the window as he forces you on his cock. The image of Zeff’s soft body squeezing you down into the mattress, practically sitting on your thighs in a mating press to remind you who’s always in charge.

Chef Zeff.

The greatest, rival only to his protege, Sanji. A man who would do anything to get in your panties but you were too busy trying to get in his daddy’s to care.

“You doing alright there kiddo.” Zeff’s voice rings out to you, making you gasp.

“Looks like the kid had a sugar crash.” Another man’s deep laugh boomed, making you stand up straight and spin around. Being the airhead you managed to drop the spoon on the floor, accidentally kicking it under the counter.

“Whoopsie! S-sorry chef!

“Now you’re making a mess in my kitchen too little girl?” His choice in name had your face flush and a small smile pole at your cheeks. Taking a quick glance at him you mumbled a quiet, “Sorry dad.” You mumbled your usual title when either you mess up, wanna tease him or he’s being extra stern with you.

A joke you never realized stirred his cock to life. Garp even noticed considering the name was making him lick his lips. Looking at Zeff with a wide grin as he leans down to whisper something you miss.

“Dad aye? Think this kiddo can even handle a couple of dirty old dogs like us?” He asked in a chuckle now taking in your innocent act.

Both watched as you turned back around and went to your knees, chest going allll the way down to the floor. Checking for the spoon you reached your hand under but clicked your teeth as you couldn’t reach. Bending down more, arching your chest further into the floor till your cheek pressed into the tile.

“Dang it.” You mumbled to yourself quietly wiggling your fingers.

“Shit.” Garp grunted teeth grinding together as your skirt full on flipped over, unawares to you and the ruffle malfunction. Pussy lips on full display from the sheer panties that were barely panties.

“Dammit Kid!” Zeff snaps as he removes his hat, hand rubbing over his face in disbelief. Eyes widening as he watches you arch into the most prettiest position. Posed like that he had a clear view of your slutty holes that stared at him perfectly. Whichever one he chooses he knew it would be a tight fit.

Hearing you whine, and literally seeing your pussy clench around nothing as you tried to wiggle your arm for the spoon had the man lose it. Walking over to you he crouched down right behind you, hand going to the base of your spine.

The large palm that placed itself ut there shocked you making you gasp as you looked behind your shoulder. The sight of you looking back at him in this position made him smirk thinking of taking you like this. Wondering how your face would look taking his cock.

“Oh I’m sorry Zeff! Am I in your way?!” You squeal taking your arm out from under the counter, now leaning on your elbows still bent over.

Always so oblivious to the positions you put yourself in at times. Usually it was to Zeff’s dismay when he’d catch a glimpse of your bent over form but today things would change.

“No such thing kiddo.” He reassures before chuckling that deep tone that you loved. Letting his hand slowly travel up your spine following the curve all the way up to the back of your neck. A shiver leaving you as he let it slowly travel back down, a whimper slipping out.

“Dad! That tickles!” You squeal out with a little pout as you wiggle your hips to shake off the feeling. Your ass brushing against his cock making him groan.

“Quite the squirmy one isn’t she?” That other man said making you laugh as you looked back under the cabinet. Stretching your arm out further.

“Can’t help it! He’s always tickling me! He’s silly!” You laugh as you look at the spoon so close but so far. Zeff humming as he rubbed your lower back before a bold fire flared up in the man’s chest. Feeling you brush against his cock was making him ready to pounce.

“Can’t help it sweetheart. I’m a naughty old man, what can I say.” Zeff finally confessed, making you look back at him with a pout. The pose and how your face stared at him made his cock twitch harder.

“Tickling doesn’t make you a naughty old man.” You frown and he smirks at your naïveté, hand going up your spine again until he grabs you by the neck.

“Come here kiddo.” He commands, applying the tiniest bit of pressure to your neck making you sit up. His arm going around to drag you back flush against his chest. Hand going to wrap around your waist tightly.

“You’re right it’s not the tickling that makes me a bad man. It’s the uncontrollable urge of wanting to shove my fat cock in that tight little pussy of yours that makes me a bad man.” His admission practically growled in your ear, making you shiver.

Your eyes widened as you turned your head to the side to glance at him. “Really Da-Chef?” You went to call him dad again, but stopped as you pressed your thighs a bit together not wanting to sound icky. Biting your lip as you played with the ruffle on your skirt.

“Nngh!” You gasp as you felt Zeff’s large hand going on your leg, sliding inwards. Kneading your thighs as he made his way up making you squirm.

“Yes. Now sit still for your father.” Zeff smirks at your shocked expression, submission melting in your eyes as he reassured your icky fantasies. Turning them to reality in a matter of seconds with a simple command.

“Why don’t you be dad’s good girl and help my friend and I out?” Zeff asked as he started to kiss along your shoulder blades. “Mmm~!” You sigh in pleasure as you bare your neck to the side, leaning back into his squishy body.

His lips leaving kisses along your neck as his hand still groped at your thighs. “Dad~” Voice a spoiled whine as you slowly open your legs for him to further his descent to your wetness.

“Obedient little thing ain’t she.” You heard the other man say accompanied by the sound of rustling clothes. The sound of a zipper making your breath hitch. “Oi! Bring the lass to me ya greedy bastard.”

“Who are you calling a greedy bastard? This baby is mine I’m just sharin’ with you.” Zeff grumbled against your neck, sucking a spot for later.

“Well ~ share her then.” Garp said with excitement as he rubbed his hands together. Going over to the kitchen table and pulling out a chair to sit in with a small grunt.

Zeff grumbled as he nipped the skin of your neck but had to agree it was definitely dessert time. Taking his arms to slip them under your spread thighs he lifted you up with a grunt.

“D-dad!” You squealed in total shock at his strength still with a peg leg, your arms going behind you to grab his shoulders.

“Getting old I see.” Garp laughs at his friend's exact reaction to his aching bones. But that wouldn’t stop the horny old dogs, not even for a second.

“Shut up! Don’t act like I didn’t hear you just a second ago!” Zeff snapped back with a laugh as he sat in the chair Garp pulled out for him.

Keeping you in his lap as he sat in front of the other man. Your legs were going to close as you sat in front of the new man but Zeff only clicked his teeth in disapproval.

“Easy princess. Open up those pretty legs of yours if you know what’s good for you.” Zeff tells you with a kiss to the side of your head making you whimper.

“Name’s Monkey D. Garp, vice admiral.” Garp winked at you as he spread his muscular legs leaning back in his chair as he propped an arm up on the table.

He was just as handsome as Zeff, white hair on his head and happy trail that was peaking out of his opened pants. Swallowing at the sight of his strong body from his unbuttoned shirt.

“Careful looking at me like that little girl.” Garp smirked at you as he rubbed his large bulge in his pants, mouth watering at the sight. Biting your lip you watched as he released his huge cock from his boxers, tip leaking angrily. A groan left him as the cool air touched the hot flesh in his big palm.

Zeff was kissing along your neck, hands pushing your panties to the side with impatience. “Always teasing your father hmm?” Zeff asks you, making you shake your head. A swap to your open thigh left you gasping in shock at the sting. “Don’t lie to me sweetheart.”

Keeping your legs open he let his hand run over your wet slit, groaning at your dripping folds. Fingers dipping in to catch at the honey that spilled from your lips. Scooping some up to bring his fingers to your lips. “Open wide.” Zeff smirks as he shoves his fingers in your mouth to taste your essence.

“Mmm~nghh ” you whine as he gags you on his fingers. “Moaning like a whore over eating some icing. Have you no shame little girl?” Zeff tells you to make your eyes roll back as you feel fingers touching your pussy again. Glancing down you see Garp’s large fingers circling your slutty hole before dipping inside. Stretching you out on his large fingers had you yelp and push back into Zeff with a whine.

His fingers were so large as he shoved two in your tight wet cunt. Your walls squeezing his fingers that he started to scissor open and spread for his friend. Thumb swiping some of your slick to run at your clit, making your body shiver with pleasure.

“My dirty girl loves having two old men fawning over her. Isn’t that right princess?” Zeff asks as his lips kiss your face and neck, cock pushing into your ass. You nod, turning your head into his loving kisses, feeling so safe and cozy in his strong arms.

“You should grab that icing off the counter and have yourself a snack.”

Garp looks at the man with a wide grin as he removes his fingers from you. “Haha! I like your thinking old man.” Garp laughs as he gets up to grab the bowl, sucking on his fingers that we’re just inside you as he walks with no shame. Big cock bouncing between his legs making you whimper and wiggling back into Zeff. His cock felt thick against your ass too and you couldn’t help but cling onto him more.

Zeff removed his wet fingers from your mouth and brought them down to your ass. Rubbing at your other hole that you’ve never touched makes you whine, “Dad?”

“Shhh princess. Daddy’s just checking to see if this one works too. Gotta make sure you’ll fit my friend here.” He teases you as he lets his wet fingers circle your ass before slowly inserting one inside.

“A-ahh!” You cry out as he slowly stretches out your unused hole. Garp sitting down licking his lips as he watched you being prepped.

Pouring some icing on your pussy made you gasp but it turned to a scream as Garp wasted zero time in dropping to his knees. Big tongue lapping out to lick at your asshole that Zeff stretched up to your clit. Licking every hole completely as he looked at your face. “Shit it does taste good.” Garp moaned at the sugary treat that now decorated your tight folds. Hands coming to spread your pussy open as he shoved his tongue inside. Swirling the muscle to lick your walls before sucking on your clit again.

Zeff’s fingers pick up their pace as the extra stimulation makes you more relaxed. A moan leaving you as he adds a second finger thanks to Garp being a messy eater and licking both holes. His drool dripping down to help the other man unawares of his own mess making. Groans and moans being fed into your pussy as Garp ate you out loudly. Big tongue going from fucking your pussy to sucking on your clit. The mix had you gasping and shaking.

Pouring more onto your clit, he sucked on it roughly as he shoved his thick fingers back inside you. “Ahhh! Dad! Uncle~!” You moan out and Garp’s fingers speed up at your new title for him too.

“God I wanna keep her. Share her with me forever. Fuck! Please.” Garp babbled into your pussy as he licked your hole around his fingers.

Garp was a greedy man despite not admitting it. Tongue and fingers both so impatient he’s fighting with his own self to choose which to do first. Not being able to decide by fingering you or tasting your essence directly.

“U-uncle t-that feels good.” You moan as you arch your back, causing your lower half to push into their fingers in both holes. “AH! Dad please! Cum! C-can I cum dad please! I-I’ll be good.” You plead as you feel heat boiling throughout your body like a tea kettle. Skin growing slightly sticky from a small layer of sweat and the icing on your pussy.

Garp pulled back and pushed your top up exposing your breast that lacked a bra. Pouring a bunch of icing on your tits he went to work cleaning you. Sucking your nipples free of the sweet treat, licking his way across to the next with a moan. Grazing his teeth against the hardened bud making you hiss but arch into him further nonetheless.

“Wanna cum for your dad and uncle?”

Nodding your head rapidly makes the two men chuckle at your impatience, but Garp wasn’t judging; he was rather impatient himself. Finger fucking your cunt faster and rubbing at your clit so he could feel you soak his hands. “Yesyesyes! Please dad! I wanna cum for you.” You beg as you turn your head to look at him.

Zeff catches your lips in a kiss as he fingers your ass faster along with Garp. Moans filling his moan from you as your orgasm washed over. Slutty holes clenching around the fingers that never stopped moving. Wanting to help you ride it out till you were shaking from over sensitivity.

“That’s it baby girl. Doing so good cumming for us.” Garp praised as his eyes watched your cunt soak his fingers. Your holes tighten around their fingers making their cocks twitch with excitement.

“We can’t wait to stretch your little holes out on our big cocks little one.” Zeff says against your lips making you shiver at the intimate closeness and lewdness of his words.

Legs shaking from your orgasm had the men smiling with pride. Garp licking up from your pussy back up to your tits that he started sucked harder. Squirming as his free hand groped and grabbed them harshly, loving the rough feeling of his calloused skin. So rough even when they’re trying to be gentle, ugh it left you literally melting. Legs naturally falling more open to receive whatever they gave you.

Both withdrawing their fingers made you whine at the empty feeling but Zeff only kissed your head. “Hush princess. You’re acting greedy like your uncle, it’s our turn now.” Zeff smirked as you turned to look at him. Drool falling down from your lips as your eyes practically sparkled.

“Sorry dad. What should I do?” You ask not wanting to be reprimanded. Pleasure only in the forefront of your mind as there would be other times to be a brat.

“Spread your legs up here pretty girl.” Garp said, lifting you up onto the kitchen table out of Zeff’s lap. Taking off your panties you leaned forward and put them in Garp’s pocket for his later memory. The action caused the man to laugh but shove them deeper inside nonetheless.

Laying back on the table you spread your legs wide to accommodate his size But to your surprise he went around the table stroking his cock. Grabbing the icing he winked at you as he poured a bit on messily so it would drip on you as well.

Sticky cock tapping at your lips making you whine as you licked them. Sticking your tongue out you let him slide his heavy tip inside. Licking around to suck at the icing and the precum that dripped, “Mmm~ uncle please.” You beg him as your arms reach up to grab his thighs.

Zeff lets out his thick cock to slide it along your juicy cunt. Groaning at your wetness against his heated cock, his precum mixing with your essence. Zeff waited until Garp pushed his cock further in your mouth before he slammed his dick into you.

Wanting you to feel the burn, the stretch of his cock inside you. It was cruel that he wanted it to hurt you a bit before pleasure washed over you like an ocean wave. “Ahh ~mmphm!” You scream around Garp’s long cock that fucked into your throat.

Pulling off of his cock with a scream, “D-dad! It’s too big!” You cried out, mouth drooling with desire. You loved how he didn’t give you time to relax. Your pussy creaming around his cock that forced its way inside lovingly. Taking what he wanted for himself despite your fake pleas.

“S-stop it!” You moaned out as he fucked your weeping cunt roughly. Garp’s hand pushing your shoulders back down onto the table with a grunt. “Don’t think so kid. You stop it.” Garp snaps as Zeff swats at your clit making you whimper.

“Don’t be a brat. Just be a good kiddo and take my cock like you’re supposed to.” Zeff tells you as he runs his thumb down to your wet slit to collect some slick before rubbing it against your clit.

Garp opens your mouth to shove his cock back inside which you willingly received. All of you moaning at the pleasure you’re all getting now, “There you go kid. Look how pretty you look, sucking cock and getting your pussy abused.”

Garp rubbing your cheek as you swallowed around him from the praise. Mouth drooling as your throat accepted his large member, heavy and hot against your tongue.

“Wow princess~ I didn’t think you’d fit my cock in that throat of yours.”

“It looks so great how it puffs out her neck.” Zeff grunted as he pulled out of your cunt only to force his way back inside. Not caring for your whimpers knowing they’ll change shortly considering he was fucking into your sweet spot. Your spongey cunt crying out to accept his fat cock.

Zeff’s strong hands push your legs back so your cunt accepts him deeper. Your hand going up to cup Garp’s balls as you swallowed around his cock. Choking on his dick that bullied your throat recklessly. Moaning as your pussy gets used roughly and deeper.

“Sucking Uncle’s cock like a good little girl. You like getting used like this huh kid?” Garp asked as he let his hands grope your breast roughly.

Thrusting his hips shallowly into your throat or he’d cause some serious harm. Long, thick cock fucking into your wet mouth that wrapped around him. Tongue licking at the base of his cock. “Mmmm~” You moaned around his leaking cock with lust as Zeff forced your pussy open to his liking. Putting his knee up on the table to rest on his solid leg he fucked you harder till you were screaming around Garp’s cock.

Garp slapped your tits before pouring some icing on them to lick you all over. Easing the sting of his slaps with sucking off the icing. Tongue twirling around your sensitive nipples, moaning from the sweet taste.

“Damn kiddo you’re so tight.” Zeff groaned as he rocked into your cunt, table rattling like the ocean from the back and forth thrusting. Garp going in your throat at the same time as Zeff so you couldn’t run away from the pleasures they were giving you.

Your nipples being sucked on roughly with your holes being used made you whine. Whimpers and gargled moans left you uncontrollably. You wondered if you should’ve been embarrassed but you weren’t. The feeling of Zeff’s cock filling you like no other left you shaking and tightening up as you felt yourself going to cum.

“Ease off old man.” Zeff grunted as he felt your pussy clamping down on his cock. Wanting to hear you moan out a bit unfiltered Garp backed out of your throat.

“Well let me join you, I'm almost there.” Garp huffed out but Zeff nodded and pulled out to let the marine manhandle you into a full Nelson. Garp’s wet cock sliding into your ass slowly with Zeff erasing the pain as he slid into your pussy. “Where in the world have you been princess?” Garp groaned out feeling your warmth.

“Fuuuuuck!” You choke out as you feel them moving inside of you with no remorse. Their cocks big enough to hit your sweet spot no problem getting you wet. Fucking your furthest walls making you moan out for them. “Uncle! Uh nngh ooooh! Yes daddy!”

It was incredible how you felt your brain shut off turning to mush as you got manhandled. Your walls tingling with pleasure that you never imagined you would feel. The man you’ve lusted after for awhile was finally balls deep fucking into your cunt it was amazing.

Tight holes swallowing the men inside you. Slick dripping down to land on their heavy balls. “How does my little girl like getting her holes used?” Zeff asked as he rolled his hips into you. Hands gently touching your breasts before pinching your nipples roughly. Twirling the hardened buds before sucking them into his mouth for a taste test.

“I asked you a question, doll.” Zeff stated as his teeth grazed your sensitive nipples. Sucking on them and flicking them with his tongue to tease you. The actions causing you to clench around him feeling all hot as his eyes stared at you.

“I l-love it! Ahh! Feel so full!” You cry out in your folded position. Eyes in your skull with drool dripping to your tits as your cunt and ass got fucked. Holes gaping with their girth, slick and icing layering your skin. “They’re so big!” You squeal as their lengths thrust into you.

Squishing sounds, wet slaps and slurps of Zeff’s mouth filled the kitchen making your ears ring. It sounded like the dirtiest porno and you wanted to watch it over and over. “Thank you dad! So good! More~!”

“Shit Zeff I’m gonna have to visit a lot -Nngh fuck!” Garp moaned as he lifted you onto their cocks, up and down up and down. His veins popping and muscles flexing as he pumped you onto their cocks like a fleshlight.

“Ahh! Mmm! So strong uncle! Oh fuck! D-dad t-thank you~! So full dad it f-feels great! Please dad, plea-ahh! Please can I cum!?” You beg as you feel your tummy burn with a desire that needs to release. Zeff’s cock bulging your tummy a bit while Garp stuffed your ass like no one’s business. The two men groaning at your endless babbling of bliss as you got impaled.

“Oh does somebody need to cum?” Zeff asked, biting your bottom lip before pulling away to slap your breast. “Always being so slutty all the time and you wanna beg me to cum?” Zeff asked as you pathetically whimpered nodding rapidly but he only rolled his eyes.

“I spoil you.” Zeff grunts as he rubs your clit and leans down to kiss you. “Go ahead sweetthing cum on our cocks and we’ll reward you with some more cream.” Zeff’s lewd words wrapped around you like a blanket of erotic pleasure. Music to your ears as your body tensed and pussy fluttered around his cock, ass clenching tightly.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” You rambled as Zeff rubbed your clit quicker, Garp moving you faster than you thought possible. “Fuck I’m right with you kid. Cum with me, sweetheart.”

Nodding your head you gasped as you felt his dick twitch before shooting out ropes of cum. Your tight walls spasming around both cocks made you twitch and moan out as you squirt all over Zeff. His fingers rubbing at your clit as you were screaming, juices splattering all over the chef in front of you and your thighs.

“ZEFF~!” You screamed, body burning on fire from total bliss, “Zeff~dad yes!” You moan as your juices drip onto the floor beautifully for his eyes to admire.

You looked at him dreamily as he twitched inside your pussy, cock fucking sticky strings of cum into your cunt. Riding out their highs Garp grunted as his limbs started to burn. Sitting back against the table Garp watched with fascination as Zeff pulled out of you. Cum glistening his cock, dripping out of your pussy brightly.

Zeff groaned as he pushed his seed back into your puffy folds, “You did well for me Y/N. My perfect helper.” Zeff praised, licking his lips at the way your walls twitched with over stimulation against his fingers.

“To think I only came here for a damn steak.” The marine chuckled as he removed you from his tight hold but kept you connected on his lap. “If you ever want a break from the old chef then you give me a call and I’ll scoop you up for a little adventure.” His voice was followed by kisses to your shoulders, hands rubbing your sticky thighs softly. You smiled lazily as your head went back against his chest.

Zeff fixing his pants before going to get a rag that he wet with warm water. Coming over he gently cleaned you up as you rested against Garp still cock warming him in your ass. The snowy haired marine smirked as he nipped your neck.

A high pitched gasp left you as you felt Garp twitch inside your tender ass. Eyes widening as you looked up at him, “Sorry sweetheart. It’s been a while since I got some good ass guess I’m still pent up.”

“Dirty old man.” Zeff laughed, shaking his head as he walked over to grab more things to clean the floor. Not paying his friend any mind if he desired to use you again knowing you belong to him from here on out.

You felt overstimulated but the thought of him not being able to contain his excitement again has you wiggling your hips. Moaning quietly with shut eyes at the feeling of him starting to stiffen inside of you again. It felt weird but knowing he needed more of you fueled your hips circular rotation.

“Fuck princess~ such a sweet little girl. Uncle’s sweetheart.” Garp breathed out as you tried to fuck yourself back into his large cock but was having a hard time. Garp flipped you on your tummy keeping you both connected as he started to ram into your ass from behind.

“Perfect little ass.” The marine grits out as his palm presses your head into the wood. Whimpers leaving you as he fucked into your ass. You couldn’t contain your screams or yelps as he pulled his hand back to slap your ass. “Little slut taking whatever she’s given.” Garp rambled making you twitch, “Right princess? Like being a little whore for your dad huh? Letting him pass you around to his friends so they can see how perfect you are. Such a perfect slut baby girl.”

Gathering your hair in his hands he fucked you roughly pulling your head back. Ass rippling from his powerful thrusts made you tremble, thankful the table was there. “Dirty girl loving some old cock like the icky kiddo she is~ so fucking good taking my cock like she was meant to.”

Zeff whistles as he takes a look at you, pausing from his cleaning to see your debauched state. “You look beautiful like that princess. All fucked out drooling over yourself as your getting stuffed.” His voice gets closer but your teary eyes blur the vision in front of you making you whine.

Cock fucking your ass harder with spanks inbetween making you moan and scream. Soon your mouth just hung open with deep moans and groans. Your pussy leaking down your thighs further making a mess of you that Zeff just cleaned. “Dad~” You cried out, clenching around Garp’s dick.

“Uncle I-” You tried to call to him but Garp let his leg go up on the table for leverage and a deeper hit that left you silent. Eyes rolling back as his heavy balls slapped into your clit with each powerful thrust. “Like having uncle fuck this ass of yours?”

“Mmhmm~ yes don’t stop uncle! I’m gonna cum again!” You wail as you feel him lean down, pushing into you deeper as he goes next to your ear. “I wanna hear you scream my name. Can you do that for me sweetheart? Wanna cum on my cock like a good girl?” He asked as he nipped your ear making you whine.

Backing up he let his long arm circle around you to rub at your clit. Fingers running over your slick folds and clit with the large size of his palm. His digits getting absolutely soaked as he thrust them into your seed filled pussy. Thrusting only a few times had you cumming with a loud shout.

“Garp~ yes! Right there uncle yes yes yes!” Your voice is a broken whine that has Garp shooting his cum deep inside of you. Thrusting into your ass till he was completely finished, twitching along with you with overstimulation.

It was an overwhelming orgasm that washed over you both. Heavy breaths and pants leaving you as Garp kissed your head. Pulling out of your ass with a grunt as you hissed from the soreness. His hands massaging your back as you were still bent over against the table. You groaned in pleasure as his rough calloused hands kneaded into your body like a dough ball.

You felt like you were on a euphoric cloud and you didn’t want to come down but a hand to your cheek catches your attention. Opening your eyes only to find Zeff there with a warm smile.

“Proud of you kiddo.”

“Thanks dad.” You smile before looking at him with a big smile of your own that same mischievous twinkle in your eye. “Since it’s contaminated for restaurant use, can I lick the bowl clean?” You ask, making the two men laugh loudly before Zeff hands you the bowl with a grin.

“Go right ahead kiddo. My plan already worked so it’s unnecessary now.” Zeff winked with his own smirk of mischievousness that had you gasp in shock.

“You planned this?” Garp asked in shock right along with you as you question as well, “Like this whole thing?”

Zeff shook his head laughing a bit, “Not the whole thing. Just the sleeping with you part. Him tagging along was just an extra treat I guess.”

“Oh…well I’m glad I came in to work today!”

[delopsia]

"The hell?"

It's muffled as can be, but you swear that's what you hear warbling from down the hall, somewhere in the bathroom. Your eyes dart to the basket of body washes and hand soaps marked for the Gift To A Friend pile. Did your pruning unintentionally steal away something he had been secretly using again?

No...Rhett's already said he's not a fan of that daisy-scented soap his momma gifted you for Christmas. Last you checked, he's not using peppermint bubblegum body wash or anything remotely close to the artificial scents residing in the basket.

"What the hell?" Louder. The bathroom door open a smidge wider than before.

"Rhett?" You call out. No answer. "Rhett, what's wrong?"

Still nothing.

Lazy feet fall to the floor. Haphazardly untangling yourself from your blankets and the pile of hoodies, he unceremoniously dumped on you, fresh out of the laundry.

"Rhett?" Repeating yourself, stopping just before the door.

But he can't seem to tear his attention away from his reflection, eyes so wide that the whites seem to drown out the deep blue. "D' you see this?"

"See what?" You don't follow; he looks the same as he did ten minutes ago. His shirt is missing, but you're not entirely sure if that's what he's referring to.

"Look at me!" Throwing his hands up. Then, jabbing an index finger towards his temple. "Look at this!"

...you still don't get it.

And that must be painfully evident on your face because he continues without you uttering a word.

"'m fuckin' gray!" He squeals, tapping at the whisps of white that have long since taken over.

...oh. "You're just now noticing that?"

"What d' y' mean just now?" Staring back at you like a deer caught in headlights. Has he really never noticed?

"I've pointed it out like a dozen times," you can't help the giggle that bubbles out of your chest as you reach for his face, gently squishing his freshly-shaven cheeks.

"I thought y' were jokin'!" Poking his bottom lip out, like a child.

You just can't help but shake his head a little, long brunette curls bouncing with the motion. "I thought you knew!"

"There's no way this is..." all of a sudden, he draws away, looking at his reflection once again. Then, back to you. "I can dye this, right? They make stuff for that?" And you're not sure if he's asking or pleading; maybe both.

Purely out of habit, one of your hands wanders to his hairline, fingertips lightly smoothing over the bits of gray there. In truth, he's got little gray hairs just about everywhere, but its a bit more concentrated here. "There's nothing wrong with a little gray hair."

"Yeah, when I'm in my forties!" Rhett whines. "I ain't even thirty yet!"

"I think it looks good on you."

"You're biased."

"Maybe," you're definitely biased, "but it's just a little bit of gray."

Those brows rise; you wonder if he realizes he's got gray in them, too. "Are y' sayin' that just to make me feel better?"

You weren't...that wasn't...shit, what the hell do you say?

His laugh rings through the bathroom; he's already figured you out. But if the upward tilt in the corners of his mouth and the wrinkling of his eyes are anything to go by, then he doesn't seem all that upset about it.

It's certainly not enough to stop him from leaning in to steal a kiss.

"But if you really wanna dye it..." even if you do hate to say goodbye to those little bits of silver peppered throughout his hair, "then I'll help you."

Something sparkles behind his eye at that.

You don't know what exactly, but you've seen it a million and one times. "Uh oh."

"What?" He's grinning. Already fighting to keep his little idea at bay.

"You've just thought of something."

His eyes roll. Guilty as charged. "What if we dye my hair red?"

[stealth-liberal]

Whew, I have a lot to say, and I know for a FACT that not a single non Jewish person on here will give a shit... but I have to vent.

Antisemitism in America is so bad that I honestly don't know if it's safe to send my daughter off to college in 2 years. She doesn't know either. Both of us have discussed her staying home and doing as much of her university education online, so as to keep her safe. She has sensory issues and an anxiety disorder... and already she has been rejected all over the place in her high school campus since 10/7.

The Women's Empowerment Club? The club leader has made it so that no female Jewish student feels safe there, and all of them quit. The little leftist neo nazi in charge of it probably cheered as they left and patted herself on the back for her "praxis". Maybe she can start goose stepping and yelling "Heil Hitler!" while she's at it. But she's not unique. Feminist organizations the world over deny mass rape of Jewish women. Why? Because it's Me Too Unless You're a Jew. They want us all raped and in the grave. Period.

The Pride Club? Forget it. All queer Jewish kids are persona non grata there. Apparently it's cool if Jewish queers are the subject of violence... and I can't say more or I'll start wanting to kill people. I am bisexual, my husband is bisexual, our daughter is lesbian. I have been part of this community since I was 12 as an ally and since I was 15 as a bisexual (took me some time to figure out what I was). My daughter came out in 4th grade for G-d's sake. We've been there, fighting the fight and now... queer organizations all over the world are abandoning us. They honestly hope we will all die, the more violently the better.

I was a proud intersectional feminist and a proud queer woman my whole life. Or at least ever since I could make decisions about that sort of stuff and what I believed. And I have been abandoned, my daughter has been abandoned, for blood sport. Her friends are pulling away from her and we all know why... because she committed the unpardonable sin of being Jewish.

Funny part? The Muslim Student Union has done nothing to her or the other Jewish kids on campus. Ponder that thought leftists if you will.

My son is in 8th grade and for the entirety of his 6th and 7th school years he was relentlessly bullied for being Jewish. We live in a red town and it was right wing antisemitism. It was so bad that I had to remove him for his safety from the school for a while. Now? It's left wing as well, he's catching it from both sides and I don't know how to protect him.

No one cares. Frankly, if my 13 year old son committed suicide to get away from it all... they would throw a party. Another dirty Jew/Zionist down... am I right? None of you give a fuck.

I marched, I protested, I voted, I phone banked. I lived my beliefs in action, and the left betrayed me. They fantasize about me and my children being raped and murdered. The more graphically it could happen, the better for them. Frankly, I think they get off to the videos Hamas released in the privacy of their rooms at night.

There's nowhere to run. Israel isn't an option. I know everyone thinks Jews are dripping in wealth... but I frankly do not have enough money to move my family to the other side of the planet. My husband is in IATSE, the stage hand local. There are no jobs waiting for him there. There are no jobs waiting for me there. I have no family there. Neither does he.

Actually, my husband isn't Jewish. I am, our children are, but he is not. He supports us in our Jewishness 100%, but he is not a Jew and he never wanted to convert. Which is fine with me... but how the hell does that work in a country where there is no civil marriage?

I'm not Orthodox, I don't want to be Orthodox. I want full egalitarianism, so I go to Reform, Renewal, or Conservative synagogues, depending on what is closer to wherever I live. Israel is a VERY Orthodox country, and the options are Orthodox or completely secular. This is a criticism I've been laying at Israel's feet for DECADES.

And Jew Haters better not use this as a way to say how awful Israel is. Not when the countries surrounding Israel are either dictatorships or absolute power, divine right monarchies who kill dissenters constantly.

So... there's really nowhere for my family to go. So I guess I'll stay where I am being a liberal Jew and waiting for the sick marriage of MAGA and Leftists to come to my door and kill me and my family.

None of you care. All of you would cheer. I'll never trust any of you again for the rest of my life. Till the day I die... I'll never trust any of you in any part of my life (online or offline) again.

1 in 5 members of Gen Z think the Holocaust didn't happen. 2/3rds of Gen Z think stories of the Holocaust are exaggerated and that Jews were somewhat complicit in what happened to us. Blame the victim...amirite? The rates amongst Millennials are not as horrific... but they're still bad. You all are going to commit a 2nd Holocaust and pat yourself on the backs. And when history remembers you all as the Nazis part 2... you will babble in your nursing homes that you were "Just trying to save the world from the Zionist/Jewish scourge."

When that happens, I hope you die in a puddle of your own shit.