#once she said 'things that hadn't happened to me yet' it only took me a split second to mentally run through the Speak Now tracklist

[lady-harrowhark]

I love all the videos I took during this show but this is one of favorites because if you listen closely, you can hear the exact moment that I realize which song she's introducing and immediately start crying. Mine has been one of my all time favorite songs since it came out almost 13 years ago and I truly do not even have words for how much being there for this surprise performance meant to me.

Video transcript:

Taylor on the big screen, sitting at her piano: This isn't my life, but what if it were? Like we're watching a movie and trying to write what those characters might be feeling. I say this because I wanna play a song that, um, when I wrote it I was writing about all these relationship things that hadn't happened to me yet, like, like there's -

Me: no...

Taylor: a drawer, um -

Me, tearfully: no...

Taylor: of my things at your place and things like that -

Crowd: [goes nuts]

Taylor: and like working through fights and not just breaking up, um, sorry there's a hair in my mouth that is aggressive. Anyway, so those are things that I was not partaking in at 18 and 19 when I wrote these songs but they're things that I really... it's been such a privilege and such a treat to go back and rerecord them 'cause relating to them now, um, it's, it's really crazy to go back

Me, overlapping with Taylor, in a shaky voice: [only partially intelligible but I think it's something like "The only other one it could be is Speak Now but she already played that one like last week"]

Taylor: and listen to these songs that at the time were fantasy but now feel really relatable to me, and so this is, um, this is called Mine.

Crowd: [goes nuts again]

[mapis-putellas]

𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆’𝒔 𝑭𝒓𝒆𝒅?

Pairing: Alexia Putellas x reader

Words: 1300

Warnings: none

Summary: Alexia’s loses her beloved Fred, a stuffed giraffe you’d given her on your one year anniversary.

Notes: Changed my writing style up a little. Hope it’s somewhat okay

You stepped into the house, expecting to find Alexia in her usual spot on the couch or in the kitchen. Instead, the sight that greeted you was an absolute mess—blankets strewn about, pillows tossed to the floor, and Alexia standing in the middle of it all, looking utterly defeated. Her face was blotchy, her eyes red from crying, and when she saw you, her expression crumpled even further.

"Ale, what happened?" you asked, quickly dropping your bag and stepping over the clutter to reach her.

Her bottom lip wobbled as she tried to speak, her voice choked with emotion. "Fred... he's... he's gone," she managed, her accent thick with distress.

You blinked, a mix of confusion and amusement flickering over your face. "Fred?"

She looked up at you as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "The... giraffe. You know," she said, sniffling, her voice trembling. "You gave him... one year ago. Anniversary."

A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips as the memory surfaced. For your first anniversary, you'd found a little stuffed giraffe and gifted it to her, joking that it reminded you of her—tall, unique, and utterly adorable. To your surprise, she'd taken to it immediately, naming him Fred and declaring him her "little amigo." Since then, Fred had become a surprising constant in Alexia's life, stashed in her training bag, sitting on her bedside table, and even sometimes making the journey to the locker room with her.

You hadn't realized how much he meant to her until now.

"Fred is... gone?" you echoed, trying to sound sympathetic despite the amusement bubbling up inside you. It was a little stuffed giraffe, after all.

"Yes!" she practically wailed, burying her face into her hands. "I... I looked everywhere. Todo la casa. Todo," she said, her voice muffled.

Your heart softened as you wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a gentle hug. "Hey, hey. We'll find him, I promise."

She looked up at you, a spark of hope in her teary eyes. "Really?"

"Really," you said, squeezing her shoulder. "You know, Fred can't have gotten far.”

She sniffed, managing a small smile. "Sí... maybe he just... he went to explore."

You started searching the house together, combing through every room. Alexia seemed to be calming down a little with each room you checked, though her anxiety was still palpable as she checked every possible nook and cranny. You turned over cushions, looked under the couch, peeked in closets—even checked the fridge, though that one earned you a puzzled glance from Alexia.

"Just in case Fred got hungry," you said, grinning, and she rolled her eyes, finally laughing a little through her worry.

But after nearly an hour of searching, there was still no sign of Fred. Alexia sat down on the couch, fresh tears pooling in her eyes as she looked up at you. "I... I think he's... gone," she whispered.

You knelt in front of her, brushing a thumb across her cheek to wipe away a tear. "Hey, don't say that. We'll find him, okay? Fred's just... probably hiding somewhere you haven't thought of yet."

She nodded, looking down at her lap. "I just... I feel silly," she mumbled, her accent thick as she tried to explain herself. "He's... only a giraffe. But he... means much."

You felt a pang in your chest at her vulnerability. "He's more than just a giraffe to you, though. He's special."

Her eyes met yours, and she nodded, a shy smile playing on her lips. "Sí. You... gave him to me. He's my... little Fred."

"Let's keep looking," you said, standing and offering her your hand. "One more sweep, and if we still can't find him, we'll retrace your steps. Maybe he got left somewhere."

She took your hand, squeezing it gratefully. "Thank you.”

After combing through the house once more with no luck, you decided to check her car. It was the last place Alexia could remember seeing him, though she was adamant that she'd brought him inside the previous day.

As you opened the passenger side door, you felt a small thrill of victory. There, tucked neatly into the seatbelt, sat Fred, looking perfectly content.

"Oh my God," you whispered, trying to stifle your laughter as you reached in to grab the stuffed giraffe. "Alexia, I found him!"

She hurried over, her eyes widening as she saw Fred safely buckled into the passenger seat. A mixture of relief and embarrassment washed over her face as she reached out, taking him into her arms and hugging him tightly.

"You... you were in the car?" she murmured to the toy, her voice soft, as if she were scolding him. She looked up at you, cheeks flushed. "I... I forgot him there?"

You grinned, unable to resist teasing her just a little. "Looks like he decided he wanted a front-row seat for the drive."

She huffed, but there was a glint of laughter in her eyes. "Don't... make fun of me," she muttered, clutching Fred protectively to her chest.

You leaned in, brushing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I'm not. I'm just glad we found him. And that he's safe and sound."

Alexia's expression softened as she looked down at Fred, giving him one last squeeze before she turned back to you. "Thank you," she whispered, her voice full of gratitude.

"Anytime," you replied, wrapping an arm around her as the two of you headed back inside. "Fred is practically part of the family, after all."

She gave you a warm smile, resting her head on your shoulder as you walked back into the house together.

That evening, after dinner and a movie, you found yourselves curled up in bed. Alexia lay beside you, Fred tucked under one arm, nestled against her chest as she settled comfortably into your side. You couldn't help but smile at the sight, brushing a hand through her hair as she closed her eyes, clearly exhausted from the day's events.

"Going to sleep with him tonight?" you teased gently, running your fingers up and down her arm.

She nodded, a shy smile playing on her lips as she glanced at you. "Yes. Just... in case. No more... lost Fred."

You chuckled, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. "Sounds like a good plan.”

For a while, you lay there in comfortable silence, the soft rhythm of her breathing mingling with the quiet sounds of the night. She shifted closer, her body warm against yours as she nestled further into your embrace.

"You know," you whispered, breaking the silence, "it was really sweet how much you cared about finding him.”

She looked up at you, a small blush coloring her cheeks. "It's... because of you. You give him to me, so... he's special."

You smiled, gently rubbing her back as you held her close. "Well, I'm glad Fred means so much to you. And I promise I'll always help you find him if he ever gets lost again."

She laughed softly, shaking her head. "I'll... keep better eye," she promised. "No more... lost Fred."

"Good," you murmured, resting your forehead against hers. "Because I don't like seeing you sad."

She sighed contentedly, her fingers tracing soft patterns on your shoulder as she relaxed into your hold. "Thank you," she whispered again, her voice filled with quiet affection.

"Anytime, mi amor," you replied, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

Eventually, her breathing evened out, and you knew she'd fallen asleep, Fred clutched securely in her arms. You pressed one last gentle kiss to her forehead before settling in beside her.

**

Tags:

@codiemarin @girlgenius1111 @marysfics @ceesimz @goldenempyrean @xxnaiaxx @liloandstitchstan

[saeun]

ꪆ୧ ── NOWHERE TO RUN ┊ FACE IT ﹑ JJK. ⤿ starring: sukuna ryomen ◟ megumi fushiguro.

꒰ excuses or oblivious ﹢ one way or another, they're gonna be hit with the question “what are we?” — sorta.

𖧷 · love, ‘su: writer's block had me so bad the only thing i couldve done was 𝓭𝓻𝓪𝓯𝓽 : 𝓳𝓳𝓴 𝔁 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻

SUKUNA RYOMEN ⟡ he’ll never answer you.

“why?” you questioned him.

your voice held a tone he's not quite familiar with — it's confusing him.

you've laid sukuna flat on the bed, straddling him so he's forced to listen. trapping him under you was the only way left. sukuna's somewhat a strong man, it took barely ten percent of his energy to lift you off his desk and kiss you goodbye with sweet lies.

there's none of that now — at least during this moment. the night's fallen, he's off duties, and you're clearly not busy. there isn't room for any other variable that can counter your moment. you've calculated this meticulously.

sukuna doesn't answer. he busied his hand with the hem of your skirt, focusing his eyes more on the fabric than yours that held every unspoken emotion you felt.

the silence fails to bother you. you continued with your question despite him giving his attention to the clothes that adorn you instead of the person wearing it.

“is it a game? a push and pull game with me? you seem to enjoy deflecting.”

your once laid out palm on his chest fists the shirt, slightly tugging it. he still fiddles with your skirt, but his eyes finally found yours.

“hmm, not sure. i don't really enjoy games like that.”

a lazy smile appears on him, complimenting his visuals further.

usually you'd mirror his expressions but this time there's no mocking smile. furrowed eyebrows and a frown appeared.

“amazing, your humor never fails to amaze me.”

“the others do say i have some humor in me.”

“that's not how i—”

“i know,” he sighs, “i already know what answer you want from me— or what answer you want to hear.”

sukuna emphasizes on the last few words, tilting his head at your expression.

you're slightly puzzled. is it truly that you want to hear an answer that will satisfy you or the truth? even that brings along the question of what is the truth?

you gulped, picking at the skin on your bottom lip with your teeth.

“stop fucking with my head,” you muttered.

“then let's call it a night.” he shrugs, tapping on your thigh.

you ignore his signal to get off him. to hell with him.

a heavier sigh leaves sukuna. he has work to return to in the morning, it's quite late into the night, and he clearly isn't allowed to sleep in a comfortable position.

“fine, do what you want, but you should get some sleep as well.” his arm stretches out, cupping your face.

his palm's warm, making you press your cheek against it.

“lean down,” he says.

you're suspicious but went along with his words. surely you wouldn't come to regret it, right?

quite the opposite. the moment you were an inch away from noses touching, his hand moved from cupping your face to behind your head, pushing you down for a kiss.

“goodnight,” he whispered, pulling away from the kiss.

yet another failure added to your list.

MEGUMI FUSHIGURO ⟡ well, he had a different idea.

megumi's at the dining table, enjoying his drink as he picks back up on the page he bookmarked before bed. a proper way to start his day.

nobara's also at the dining table, with both hands crossed over her chest. not a proper way to start her day.

she's been meaning to get into it with megumi since... two days ago! what happened two days ago? she met with a dear friend she brags about and listened to relationship problems.

according to said friend, it feels as though a certain guy had lead them on. nobara, being a good friend, assured them that the guy hadn't mean it but this was an obvious attempt of comfort.

when said friend described the guy and his behaviour, she felt a chill down her spine. the description felt oddly familiar... perhaps a bit too familiar. she's sure she knew the guy, but who is it?

it was only when the sentence “with his stupid fucking hair” left the dear friend, her putting-clues-together function turned on.

the guy was megumi fushiguro, her dormmate. and also a dear friend.

ever since that day she's been planning to confront him but she procastinated. this was partially due to her not being told directly by her dormmate that he's in a ‘relationship’ so it felt like she eavesdropped.

as megumi took the final sip of his drink, he carefully placed it on the coaster. he read one more full page of the comic before he questioned nobara with no eye contact.

“is something bothering you?”

“yes! well, technically it's not me but...” nobara trails off, she's not quite sure continue.

taking a deep breath, she slams her both palms on the table, leaning in to gather megumi's attention.

“so there's this friend right?”

“yeah.”

“and they're having issues with their relationship. so, the guy kinda lead them on by being all boyfriend-y, i assume, and giving off subtle hints. whenever things get quote-on-quote advanced, the guy somehow takes the relationship two steps back. they think they're reading into it too much but also don't know what to do because the guy sometimes goes ghost.”

she hits him with all information at once. nobara rambled, ending it with a ‘phew’. her heartbeat raced for whatever reason. maybe it's because she's indirectly telling her friend he's a shitball.

“oh,” the perpetrator responds, closing his book with one hand.

if they were in a cartoon, there would surely be three question marks floating above nobara's head.

oh? just an oh? nothing else? she thinks, judging him.

“damn, that guy's an ass.” he extends his previous statement, not knowing that he just called himself an ass.

“well...!” a sweat bead forms on nobara's forehead. “what if — just what if i told you that guy is you?”

“me? you jest.”

“i fucking wish! i'm talking about you and whatever you have going on with (y/n),” she mumbles the last words, taking her dormmate's sandwich for herself.

megumi's eyebrow raises. he doesn't like what he's hearing. him? leading someone on? that someone being you? what's with the sudden twist?

“that's... hmm.” he crosses his arms across his chest, leaning back into the chair, “i thought we were already in a relationship— (y/n) and i that is.”

the sandwich wasn't a pleasant experience. upon hearing megumi's words, she immediately choked. the twists just kept coming.

“you—” a cough interrupts. “you both are fucking stupid.”

“shit — should i go meet with (y/n)?” megumi asks with urgency, staring at nobara for an answer.

“that shouldn't even be a question. make haste!”

[whateverloomis]

hi! can you please make a virgin reader x experienced billy loomis story? maybe the story can take place in billy's car or at his house when parents are out.

Grrr thank's for this request anon! I've been meaning to write a virgin reader fic. Get ready 😈

Warnings: Virgin reader, AFAB reader (no pronouns used,) public sex, car sex, making out, Billy is kinda sweet here idk, unprotected sex (wrap it up babes, trust me,) || Edited: June'24

Word count: 2.6k

Note: This has some elements inspired by the song "97" by Doja Cat

-

"We're going to the drive in tonight, you wanna tag along?" Tatum asked and you thought about it for a second, not really in the mood to hang out. "Billy's gonna be there, maybe you can tag along with him, hm?" She continued and winked at you. You bit your lower lip at the thought of being alone with him yet again...

You're not sure how it happened exactly, but the word got around that you had a little crush on Billy. With him having broken up with Sidney you didn't want to make things weird between everyone in the group, so you opted for the best option at the time which was keeping it to yourself . That was until suddenly everything changed.

After one of the many hang outs the group had at Machers residence, you decided to stay a little later once everyone left to help Stu clean up, which didn't take very long. When you were ready to leave, as you exited the door you encountered Billy and gasped in surprise and slight fear. He hadn't joined this get together and you were partly thankful, partly upset at his absence.

"Fuck! You scared me!" You said startled before closing the door behind you.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Billy replied, laughing softly at your reaction.

His close proximity made you blush and avoid looking up at him, but it was impossible with the boy searching for your eyes. You had been low-key avoiding him all week. Your crush kept growing and growing every time you saw him and you promised yourself you wouldn't let it get that far. Avoiding him was the only thing that seemed right.

You tried to walk past him after mumbling, "It's okay, i'll see you around," but Billy grabbed your arm and spun you around to face him.

"No, I- You didn't do anything. I'm just feeling kinda off, I guess... In general." You lied and he could see right through you. You knew he did.

"Hey, what's going on? You've been acting weird around me all week." He said and you finally met his eyes. He had doubt written all over his face. Curiosity.

"C'mon, don't be like that. Talk to me." He said and you sighed, trying to stay calm and formulate your next words carefully.

"I've just been a little bit thrown off. There's this guy that I kinda like, but he's unavailable." You played around with your words, trying to explain things without it being too obvious.

"How come?" Billy asked, interested in what you were saying.

"Well, we have a friend in common and I don't want to make things weird and such." You said, feeling good with the way you explained everything.

"Mm, yeah. I get what you mean." He replied and you looked at him, eyes wide in surprise.

"You... Do?" Your voice sounded a bit disappointed, but you kept your strength on display. You couldn't give yourself away.

You moved your lips with his, mimicking his movements. His tongue brushed your lower lip softly and you allowed him to run it against your own. Play with each other. He was a great fucking kisser and you didn't want to stop for one second.

"Yeah, I've been wanting to do something about it but I haven't had the chance... until now." He replied and took a step towards you. You were confused with his actions. He wouldn't possibly mean you, right?

Your question got immediately answered as his hand cupped your face and he pulled you towards him, placing a soft kiss on your lips. Billy's the second person you've ever kissed and it made butterflies flutter in your stomach.

Suddenly you heard the door knob turn and pulled away from Billy, leaving enough distance between you two so that it didn't look like anything was happening.

"YN? I thought you lef- Billyyyy, hey. What are you doing here?" Stu asked his friend trying to fake that he didn't know he would come over. Billy rolled his eyes and glared at Stu before turning to look at you again. "See you around YN." He said and grabbed your hand, squeezing it softly before walking into Stu's house.

You were shocked, happy, confused, soaked between your legs and going insane before leaving Stu's house and going to your house where you couldn't sleep for the night because the excitement consumed you.

You snapped back to reality to what Tatum was saying; "Billy's gonna be there, maybe you can tag along with him, hm?" she continued and winked at you. You bit your lower lip at the thought of being alone with him yet again. You never really told anyone directly about you guys having a mutual crush, or that you've been on the kissing phase for a while but you had a feeling Stu and Tatum knew. I mean c'mon, Stu and Billy were best friends and Tatum was all in for the gossip so I'm sure she got the info out of Stu at some point.

After that night, you guys made out everywhere; your house, his house, at the park, behind the college campus, in empty class rooms, you name it. However, it never went further than that, until that night... The drive in night...

That left Randy and Sidney. They were kinda oblivious to the whole thing, especially Randy. He was too busy trying to win Sidney's heart when she clearly wasn't interested. Poor guy.

"Okay, fine. Since I'm not gonna be driving." -- "Who's not gonna be driving?" Billy joined the conversation with Stu and Randy by his side. "Me, because I'm going with you to the drive in according to Tatum." you answered. Stu smirked at you and then at Billy who glared at him then smiled at you softly. A silent agreement.

"Awwhh fuck! Everyone has a date but me?!" Randy whined and you widened your eyes. Date.

"We're just friends, Randy. Chill." Billy answered and gave you a reassuring look after his words. He didn't want to hurt you, and you understood.

"Good! So I can join you then?" Randy said and looked at you as if he could convince you instead of Billy, but of course that wasn't going to work. You really wanted to be alone with Billy at the drive in and see where the night took you guys, Randy wasn't going to ruin that for you.

"I uh... Y'know? I have a friend who's single and cute! I can set you up." You responded and winked at him. His desperate self accepted right away and you exhaled a breath you didn't even know you were holding.

"Fuck yeah! It's set, see you guys at 8pm!" Stu practically shouted before picking Tatum up over his shoulders and walking away.

•

Billy picked you up in his dads red colored 97' Benz. You didn't care if it wasn't his car, he looked hot as fuck in it. It was slick, the red looked intense with how polished and shiny the car was, and you were ready for a long night inside of it.

You had been fantasizing about that night since the invitation. You wanted to go a bit further than just kissing with Billy. Make a bold move or something. You didn't have any experience unlike him but you felt so ready and needy to feel more of him. To feel the unknown. However, you couldn't deny that you did feel scared to some degree. You knew nothing when it came to sex and you didn't want to do anything stupid.

At the drive in, you met with the rest of the group at the entrance and hung out for a while, drinking and sharing candy before the movie started. Then you all chose hidden spots to park, like most people did.

You didn't even know what the movie was about, just that it was some kind of cheap slasher. Billy and you made small talk for the first few minutes of the movie while sharing sweets with each other. The tension between you grew by the minute and you were starting to get nervous. You didn't know if you should've made a first move or something. It's not like you guys hadn't done anything before, but that moment felt different.

"Is that the only one left?" You asked him, frowning as he picked up a small chocolate bar from the assorted candy you bought.

"You wanna share it?" Billy asked, laughing at your little frown. He found it adorable.

You nodded and watched as he unwrapped it, waiting for him to split the candy, but instead he bit one of the ends and held it there. Billy cupped your face and pulled you towards his, poking your bottom lip with the chocolate and you instantly knew what he was asking you to do. You bit the other end of the bar and you guys split it in half, your lips meeting in the end. You gave each other one lingering kiss before parting and savoring the chocolate. You bit your lip and blushed at what had happened. It was too hot for you to handle and you were already feeling yourself getting wet between your legs.

"I didn't realize that was my favorite chocolate until now." Billy said and you giggled at his words. He was so freaking smooth it drove you insane, so you leaned in and kissed him again, deepening it and using your tongue to play around with his. You ran your hands through his hair and pulled it slightly which made him release the quietest moan. You smiled into the kiss and moved across the car dash to sit on his lap, on the drivers seat.

You immediately felt his hard on against your core and started to grind against it slowly. It was an instinctual move from your part. Billy placed his hands on your hips and made you grind against him a bit faster. His breathing picked up and you released little moans that echoed around the car.

Billy's hands traveled up your thigh and under your skirt. He squeezed the flesh and it sent goosebumps all over your body. He hooked his thumbs under your thong (bold choice of underwear that day,) and started to play with the fabric, testing the waters. When his fingers traveled close to your core you tensed up and stopped kissing him.

"Mm, sorry-" -- "Are you okay?" Billy asked immediately, concern evident in his words.

"Yeah, I just... I've never really... Gone further than making out." You replied, looking away from him, ashamed.

"Hey, it's okay. We can stop if y-" -- "No! No, I don't want to stop... You just..." You paused and ran your hand through his hair, "...have so much experience and I-" -- "It's okay baby, there's nothing wrong with that... Just means I can make you feel really good."

Baby.

You bit your lip and he smirked at you before tapping your thigh. "Get back in your seat, we're getting out of here." He said and you did what he said, no questions asked.

Billy pulled out of the drive in with the headlights off to not bother anyone, but mainly so you guys didn't get caught.

As Billy drove away from the place, he opened the windows and sun roof. The stars were on full display as well as the moon. You rested your arm on the door, admiring the scenery and feeling wildly content as well as a bit reckless. You were ready to risk it all that night with Billy.

•

Billy and you drove into a secluded area with a perfect view of a lake and the beautiful night sky. There were a few other cars parked in the area but you could barely see them, much less anyone inside them.

Once you guys were parked, Billy looked at you and patted his lap, smirking at you when you complied in sitting on him again. You didn't waste time and kissed him again, this time hungrier than ever. Billy grabbed your ass and moved you against his already hard cock, making you grind against him like you were before. You felt him grow more beneath you and moaned at the feeling. Pawing and pulling at his hair again you both made little noises that filled the quietness of the car.

"Fuck... We're taking this outside." Billy whispered and opened the door, walking out with your legs wrapped around his torso and arms around his neck. He placed you on the hood of the Benz, the moon light visible on the shiny hood of the car. He kneeled down and kissed up your sensitive thighs. You bit your lip to muffle any noise that could've come out of you but it was nearly impossible. Once Billy reached your core, he took your thong off with his teeth and tossed them God know's where in the woods.

"You're soaked and I haven't even touched you yet" He said and chuckled before licking a stripe up your folds. You threw your head back at the sensation. Billy licked and sucked your cunt like it was his last meal. He moaned against your core and it sent vibrations up your spine. Flicking and sucking on your clit repeatedly and softly you swore you were gonna pass out from the pleasure. Once it built up, you felt a need you hadn't felt before. You needed something inside you.

Your cunt throbbed and ached to have something fucking it, anything, so you grabbed Billy's left hand and moved it towards your center, and he knew exactly what you wanted. He ran his ring and middle finger along your slit and slowly dipped them in all while he was licking and sucking your clit. Finally, he inserted his fingers all the way in your cunt and started to finger fuck you slowly. All the myths you had heard weren't true, you definitely felt a stretch but it was so good. The feeling of getting filled up and getting your g spot stimulated felt amazing, especially while he was working on your clit.

"Yes! Yes, fuck... Fuck me, please Billy, please..." You started to beg. You needed more, wanted to feel him fuck you so desperately.

Billy smirked at your plea and pulled his fingers out of you, licking them clean after. "You taste so fucking good." He said and turned you around on the hood of the car. You heard him unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants quickly before positioning you to align his throbbing cock with your center.

"Wait!" You said and looked back at him. He looked at you knowingly. "I'll pull out, I promise. It feels better this way." You didn't have the energy to fight him on the matter, you just wanted to get fucked, so you gave in.

Billy started to slide in slowly, allowing you to get used to the feel and stretch. You threw your head back in pleasure as you felt every inch of him fill you up. He felt big and you hugged his cock perfectly.

"You feel so good." He said and started moving inside you. "So. Fucking. Good." His thrusts divided his words. You couldn't say anything coherent at that point, you were moaning and whining. Digging your nails in the hood of the car which was probably going to leave marks but neither of you cared.

Billy turned you around to face him and you wrapped your legs around him. He held your thighs to keep you against the hood while he pounded into you. You pulled his hair and bit his shoulder to keep yourself quiet, and he groaned at the feeling. He likes pain?

"I'm not gonna cum until you do." He whispered in your ear and started to rub your clit while he fucked you raw. The pleasure increased immensely at the stimulation and you were surprisingly closer than you thought. The build up felt intense. Both stimulations combined and coursed through your body. You couldn't help but move against him. Feeling him impossibly deep inside you, that's when you came around his cock. You didn't care to be quiet at that point so you moaned and panted like a wild animal. Billy thrusted a few more times before pulling out and cuming on your thigh.

You both panted as you rested your forehead against his.

"That was-" -- "Amazing." He interrupted you and you let out a breathy laugh before looking at him, then looked around.

"So, who's cleaning this up?" You asked, half joking half serious. Billy laughed and looked up in defeat. "We'll figure it out."

[yu-huuuu]

𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯?| 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘴!reader| chapter: 01, (you are here)02, 03,

[🌸] phew-- you guys give me so much love in the last part, thanks <3 , maybe you don't know but you always give me a lot of energy to continue, thank you, I love you.

Summary: Perhaps the most important question is not; "How did you end up in this place?". it is; will you be able to finish the unfinished business that your self from this world left pending?.

...

..

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The man took another sip of the steaming tea that resided in his hands, "I searched for you like crazy as soon as I first received your call."

You straightened up; however, you did not speak despite your desire to do so. Laura was sitting next to you.

When the man suddenly appeared at the door, the first thing he said was to know why you were in this place, and of course you were surprised by his words.

He had politely asked to speak to you, which you reluctantly agreed to. Laura, on the other hand, had offered to make some tea for the three of you to drink while you talked.

This man's appearance was so strange and unkempt, yet so... familiar, you vaguely wondered where you had seen him before.

"This is probably too sudden for you", he said, without showing any sign of discomfort at your lack of response. He put the small china cup down on the living room table, then pointed at your new old friend, "Does she have to be here?"

You knitted your eyebrows at her unappreciated words. You opened your mouth to reply before he interrupted, "No, forget it. I just remembered what happened last time I asked you that".

You were speechless; what did he mean by 'last time'...?

"Sorry, did we know each other before?", you asked, completely confused. "You speak as if we have known each other for a long time..."

The man frowned at your words: "Oh, right, you're not her".

"Her?" you murmured. You were so confused; did he think you were someone else or...?

He sighed while frowning a bit. His action and expressions were unexpected for you, but to be honest, it was more like he was mentally preparing himself for what he was going to say next: "How much do you know about other dimensions?".

"I...", what did you know? Only what was necessary, that was for sure. I mean, there was never a question like that on a math or physics test in high school. Goodness, it wasn't even a regular topic of conversation.

The man spoke again, not letting you finish your thoughts he murmured your name, "That's your name, right? I guess your last name is not 'Wayne', that would be too much of a coincidence'.

Wayne? Like the last name of that fictional character from the comics? You were going to ask him what he meant when the realization of what he said first hit you, you hadn't even told him your name yet, "How...?"

"So even names don't change in other dimensions," he said to himself without looking at your face. Then the man snorted; it sounded like an almost graceless muffled laugh. When he calmed down, he looked into your eyes. His look was serious— too serious, a little chill ran down your spine from the intensity of his look. "You are in another dimension... one where you died."

"What?" He was joking, right?

The man sighed, almost as if he were preparing himself for what he was about to say, "You were Bruce Wayne's adopted daughter".

As soon as the man finished speaking, you had enough. "Is this a joke!? Do you think it's funny that—?", Laura's warm hand on yours stopped you in the middle of your tirade. You turned to see her confused, only to see her surprised? She looked as if she had realized something.

Why did Laura see you that way? You could feel that your head was about to explode from everything that was happening. This was all too much; it couldn't be real. It was just impossible. This had to be a very well-crafted joke.

The man called out to you once more. "I didn't introduce myself, right?", he sighed in amusement and then raised his hand for you to shake in introduction mode, "You from this dimension probably would be scolding me for my bad manners. I'm John Constantine".

...

You saw the man's back walking away, his hands inside his coat. When he was a good distance away, he turned to you, "If you need anything, don't hesitate to contact me".

You squeezed the special card he had given you while you nodded vigorously, and then watched with complete surprise how what you assumed was a portal opened and then disappeared with John inside. None of this felt real, you were still taking in what happened an hour ago.

'I'm in another dimension', you thought as you, still very nervous, looked at the news magazine in which on the front page was reported about how the "justice league" managed to successfully catch the "injustice league" who threatened to destroy the entire city of Manhattan.

You knelt down, moving and reviewing different magazines from earlier dates that had different characters as protagonists, some better known than others. There was one of the "teen titans", a magazine that perfectly framed "Superman" flying through the sky to catch a plane with more than two hundred passengers on board that was going down.

You rummaged and moved more magazines until you got to the oldest news. One page featured Wonder Woman in particular as the protagonist of a march for Women's Day. Another page featured Flash, who was named the fastest human being alive. Even one of Aquaman gave an interview on how he managed to clean up the oceans by ninety percent.

There were some from Gotham that you were afraid to see for some reason. 'Is what he told me true?'

You sighed, tired; all this was giving you a migraine. 'Of all the possible things that could have happened to me, it had to be the worst...'

...

A sudden knock on the door startled you.

'Is it John?', was what you thought at first. It had been a few days since you last saw John, and the talk you had with him still weighed heavily on your mind.

.

.

.

"I suggest you come with me", he tried to convince you, but he stopped when he saw your distrustful look, "or maybe I could take you to Bruce", he retracted as he raised his hands a little.

"Why?" you inquired uneasily.

"You'll be safer this way", he explained as he got up from the chair. It didn't take long for you to copy his action, "Are you coming?".

Should you really do it? Was it really safe to go with him? If everything he told you was true, then the world waiting for you outside wasn't safe at all, and you knew it. You weren't foolish at all; you were sure that even John couldn't protect you at all times.

What would happen to Laura? Would she be okay?

John, seeing your indecisive state, hums, "Though- this place is good". He spoke, taking his eyes off of you.

You looked up from the fixed point that you were looking at without realizing it, "huh?"

He just nodded to himself and then looked at you, "I mean, this place isn't safe, it's a small town, but no one would think of looking for anything of value in this place", he explained as he gave you a small but warm smile, albeit something very inside you told you that smile was not really directed at you.

.

.

.

The second wave of knocks on the door took you out of your memories. You were about to get up to open the door when Laura suddenly appeared, waving you to stay in your place, which you obeyed.

"Are you sure that she is here?", it was a woman's voice, getting up from the soft chair, you headed towards the door.

You heard John's sudden voice, though it sounded like he was trying to defend himself, perhaps from some assumption, "Trust me, Zatanna is this house, I'm absolutely sure".

"It's better to be careful after last time-", the mockery in her voice trailed off as you stood in front of the door. She was a young woman, her eyes were a pretty blue, she had beautiful black hair that cascaded down her back; and next to her was John.

"See, what did I tell you?" John exclaimed triumphantly, ignoring the stunned woman next to him. "Hey , how's it going-?", the question hung in the air as the woman took a step towards you.

Laura, who was still standing in the same place, gave the black-haired woman enough space to pass. The soft touch of the female's hands on your face made you pay all your attention to her. Her eyes looked sad as she stared into yours, "You're not the same persona I used to know, are you?"

"I...", it wasn't even necessary for you to say anything else, she understood what you meant.

"I see, I understand. My name is Zatanna Zatara," she explained as she slowly moved her hands away from you, almost as if she didn't want to leave your person.

You felt bad for the woman in front of you.

...

:> Would you give me some love by squishing the heart below? Also tell me your thoughts, you can do it in this post or write it in my inbox!

[teencopandthesourwolf]

He freezes. Doesn't know what the hell else to do. 

He can't picture it: Derek can't remember the last time somebody put their arms around him. 

Was it Laura?

Of course it was Laura. How could he forget that? Derek has gotten pretty good at blocking things out—a little too good, it seems.

She didn't tell him anything before leaving New York. Didn't say a fucking word, just up and vanished. Derek had woken up one morning and she was gone, because she'd known without a shadow of a doubt that Derek would've only followed her if she'd have said a single word to him.

Nobody ever granted Derek’s wishes, no matter who he prayed to. Those desperate pleas where he asked to go back and get a chance to fix things, they all went unheard.

Laura left to go back to the place they both wished still existed just as it had; a place they were wanted alive, not dead. It wasn't fair that it was the very same place they would be hunted down if they did return, like the rabid animals the Argent's presumed they were.

Leaving the way they did meant they hadn't gotten the chance to see if anything was left at the house. They couldn't even mark graves, and grieve properly. 

That same place also happened to be the place they'd been born, the place they'd grown up and called home.

Derek had never wanted Laura to face all of that alone.

The burnt down house. The nothing where there was once everything.

The thought still haunts him. One of so many. 

Beacon Hills is home—but it's the home Derek had helped raze to the ground with his selfishness and stupidity. Everything he and Laura had ever known, everyone they'd ever loved, it was all gone, now. Derek had taken those things away from his sister and hadn't even had the guts to tell her. Tell Laura they were all gone because of him, tell her that everything that had happened to their family, to them, was all his fault.

In the aftermath of the fire Laura hugged Derek, and had kept hugging him, over and over in those weeks and months and years that followed. She would pull him into her arms hold him tight, whenever she could sense it was all getting to be too much for him again.

Alpha.

Big sister.

But Laura only knew about some of the reasons why it sometimes felt like too much effort for Derek to keep on breathing.

He never told her about Kate.

And Derek, the fucking coward, he'd allowed Laura to hold him, feeling the flames of shame on his cheeks every time, hot as those that took the lives of his parents. His family. His pack. 

Now, he remembers that last time. 

“I'm going out.” 

Laura stood up, walked around the two mismatched armchairs and stopped him by throwing both her arms around his neck, pulling him into her and hugging him, scenting him. 

It always took him a moment to respond these days, but Derek hugged her back. 

“What's this for?”

“You. Because I know whomever's bed you end up in tonight, you won't be asking for one of these.”

Oh, fuck no. Derek couldn't handle that. Did she think he was out sleeping with people? Never again, not after…

He pushed his sister off him, gently; a stark contrast to the harsh words that followed. 

“Don't fucking coddle me. And fuck you, Laura—I don't sleep in anybody's bed but my own.” A single mattress on the floor of the lounge of their shitty one bedroom apartment. Derek had so many shameful memories, and crawling into his sister's bed every night for the first year after the fire was one of them. “Just—leave me alone.”

Laura was the one—the only—person Derek had left in the entire world, yet his guilt was constantly pushing her away. 

“Where do you go to, little brother? You might not be clinging to me anymore, night after night, nightmare after nightmare, but you're rarely in your own bed most mornings.”

She hadn't meant it as a dig. Derek knew that. She was his sister, and she loved him.

Maybe she thought he was making progress? Seeing people. Moving on.

Derek spent his nights waiting outside of dive bars, and hanging around in back alleys and dark places, desperate to find scumbags to taunt who were big enough and hard enough to at least attempt to kick the living shit out of him.

Derek hated being a werewolf, now. He wanted to get hurt and stay hurt.

“Just—out.”

Then Derek turned his back on Laura, leaving her to stand there and watch him walk away as he left her to go out looking for a fight, without looking back. 

That was the last time somebody put their arms around Derek—and the last time he saw his sister alive.

It was two years ago. Derek doesn’t think he has taken a full breath, since. 

Now here he is—standing in his stupid big loft that he bought for his betas, yet another pack he managed to destroy—having given away more than he should, with skinny yet strong arms wrapping as far around his shoulders as they'll reach. 

Stiles.

“You don't have to hug back. But you can, if you want to. I won't tell,” the kid jokes. It's his way to connect, his connection to the world. A coping mechanism, Derek thinks.

He knows all about those.

“I…” he doesn't have the first fucking clue of how to handle this. Or how to admit he needs it—to himself, let alone somebody else. He doesn't know how to admit that he wants it. 

But this is Stiles. The one person in Derek's life who seems, for some unfathomable reason, to give a fuck about Derek. To care about him.

Slowly, very slowly, Derek lifts an arm and awkwardly rests a hand on Stiles's upper back, feels the muscles jump slightly under the kid's baggy clothes as he tentatively spreads his fingers and finds the back of Stiles's neck. 

Stiles's voice hitches just a touch as he says, “These can be on tap, you know. If you want them. Stilinski hugs are the best hugs, dude. Believe.”

And Derek finds he does believe. For the first time in forever, Derek believes there could be something good in his life again.

More confidently, now, he brings his other arm up to wrap around Stiles's waist and hugs Stiles tighter, properly, and allows himself to be hugged back.

Derek wonders how he has gone so long without this kind of closeness. Lived without this kindness.

He decides to let the 'dude' pass. Because maybe—maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all, to be somebody's dude? 

Stiles's dude.

It's a fucking ridiculous moniker and yet Derek suddenly couldn't care less. 

“I think I'd like that,” he whispers into the forbidden place where Stiles's jaw meets long, pale neck. "Dude."

Derek can feel Stiles's smile as the kid squeezes him harder. And, ironically, Derek feels as if he can breathe again. 

.

for @greyhavenisback bc i want to hug you in person and can't <3 (unedited, forgive me!)

[softonshanks]

Shanks x reader taking bath together! Something fluff ya know? (No need to be smut)

Hey Anon, thank you for this lovely request. I'm sorry if this took a bit long but I just fell in love with how this story could possibly take place, so I have added a few more details I hope you will enjoy. It's a bit longer that I expected, but I kinda like how it turned out. Thank you again, let me know if you like it in the comments and enjoy <3<3

A Soothing Surprise

Characters: Shanks x female reader Word count: 1922 words

The Red-Haired Pirates were anchored near a small, peaceful island, the kind where nothing much happened. Shanks had been walking a bit slower these days, grimacing now and then while pretending it was nothing. It wasn’t his first time dealing with an aching back, but this time felt different and no amount of rum, jokes, or teasing could ease the nagging pain. He had been feeling it for almost a week now. That dull, persistent ache in his back that seemed to remind him with every movement: you're not 20 anymore. His crew, ever the jokers, hadn't let him forget it either. They teased him relentlessly about "getting old," and while Shanks played along with his usual carefree smile, a part of him couldn't help but think about it. The once endless nights of drinking and partying were now followed by stiff mornings, and though he was still the infamous Red-Haired Shanks, there was no denying that time was catching up with him.

"You're getting old, Captain!" Yasopp had joked earlier that morning, throwing Shanks a knowing grin.

Shanks had laughed it off, but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. He knew they weren’t wrong. Sure, he was still powerful, still strong, but he wasn’t in his twenties anymore, and sometimes the creaking bones reminded him of that fact. Normally, the banter and the drinking would lift his spirits, but tonight, even with the party in full swing on the deck, Shanks felt a little distant, a little thoughtful.

Shanks had always been the one to go out of his way to do things for his crew, whether it was helping Lucky Roo gather supplies, buying cigarettes for Benn, or giving Yasopp new can of oil to clean his gun. But who was doing something for him?

Y/N decided it was time to change that.

The next morning, as the ship docked at the island, Y/N had her plan ready. She had spent the previous night carefully writing out clues and stashing them in various places she knew Shanks would eventually find throughout the day.

The first clue was tucked neatly inside his favorite mug, the one he used for his morning coffee. Shanks, groggy but in good spirits, lifted the mug to take a sip, only for a small piece of paper to fall into his lap.

“Huh?” he said to himself, blinking down at the note. He opened it up and read:

"A Captain’s day starts with more than just brew. Check under the barrel where you stashed the new."

His brow furrowed, but a slow grin spread across his face. “What’s this all about?”

Intrigued, Shanks followed the clue to the ship's supply closet, where he had hidden some rare bottles of rum the week before. Sure enough, another note was waiting for him.

"You're warm now, Captain, but not yet done. Find the red flag, and you’ll be closer to the fun."

He scratched his head, chuckling to himself. “What’s that girl even up to?”, asked himself, perfectly knowing that it was all her doing. After all, Benn would have never set up a vicious game like this, while Y/N was just like him in some aspects: funny, always ready for a giggle, an eternal child ready to play.

He set off, following the clues she had hidden around the island. Each note was just vague enough to make him think, but not so hard that it was frustrating.

"Your treasure awaits, but first you must find, A place where the wind sings and the sun shines."

This clue led him to a windmill at the top of a hill, another to a quiet beach where the waves lapped gently at the shore, and another to an old oak tree that must have been standing for centuries. It was fun—simple and thoughtful—and he couldn’t help but feel lighter with every step he took. Finally, as the sun began to dip low in the sky, he found the final clue tucked under a smooth stone at the edge of a peaceful garden. It led him to a small, cozy inn nestled on the outskirts of the village. When he opened the door to the room, he found Y/N sitting on the bed, her legs crossed and a playful smile on her lips.

“Well, it’s about time you got here,” she teased, crossing her arms. “I was starting to think you’d gotten lost.”

Shanks blinked, looking around the room and trying to figure out what to do with her, alone, on a bed. “What’s all this, Y/N? What do you want me to do?”.

Y/N stood and motioned toward a small door at the side of the room. “Go take a look in the bathroom, Captain.”

Curious, Shanks pushed the door open and immediately burst out laughing. The bathroom was filled with the scent of lavender, and the tub was filled to the brim with warm water, bubbles, and flower petals. It looked like something straight out of a fancy spa, the kind Shanks would love to visit, but would never admit it.

“You even put up candles,” he pointed out, incapable of stopping his laugh. He turned to Y/N, amusement dancing in his eyes. “This is a bit girly for me, don’t you think?”

Y/N shrugged, unfazed. “Girly or not, it’ll help with your back”. Her Captain raised his eyebrow, not fully convinced. “Just get in the tub, Shanks," she shrugged as he smirked, peeling off his coat and shirt. "Alright, alright. But don’t blame me when you start swooning over my rugged pirate physique."

As he continued to undress, Y/N called out from the other room. "Leave your underwear on! We don’t need any... unexpected surprises." Shanks chuckled, unable to resist. "How do you know it’s a bad surprise?" He winked at her. "I’ve got a reputation to uphold, you know." Y/N laughed, shaking her head.

"This whole elaborate plan just to get my shirt off, huh?" he teased as he sank into the tub, letting the warm water envelop him.

Y/N perched herself on a stool behind him, her fingers gently pressing into his shoulders. "Nope, just trying to take care of the captain. Warm water and lavender should help with the tension. But honestly, if this whole treasure hunt was too complex for you, you could have just said so."

"Ah, it’s been a while since I’ve been challenged by something as intricate as finding a hidden inn," he teased. "But I have to admit, it’s doing the trick”. The warm water immediately started to soothe the ache in his back. He closed his eyes, sinking deeper into the tub, letting the lavender scent relax him even more. “Alright, how are you feeling so far?”, she asked hoping that her plan was working.

“Much better,” Shanks admitted, though whether it was the bath or her thoughtfulness, he wasn’t entirely sure.

“Good,” she said as she began to gently massage his shoulders. “This’ll help release some tension. The warm water and lavender should take care of the rest.”

Shanks let out a low groan of satisfaction. “Why are you doing all of this?”

Y/N chuckled. “You do stuff for us all the time. A wise captain once said a crew is like a family, a one’s burden is everybody’s burden”.

“Sounds like a smart captain, do I know him?,” he jokingly asked, catching his quote. “Don’t think so”, she answered while her hands kept massaging his toned shoulders. “This captain is always happy and smiley, instead you’ve been grumpy for a while.”

“Grumpy?” Shanks asked with mock offense. “I’m never grumpy.”

She snorted. “Sure, Captain. You’ve been grumbling and wincing for days.”

As her hands worked on his shoulders, Shanks felt the tension slowly melt away, and before long, he was feeling better than he had in days. Still, Y/N’s touch had a different effect on him too—one that was harder to ignore.

“Alright, I’m gonna give you some privacy now,” Y/N said after a few minutes. “Just wanted to make sure you were settled in.”

She stood, ready to leave, but Shanks caught her hand. “Wait, can you hand me a towel first?”

Y/N nodded and grabbed a towel from the nearby shelf. As she handed it to him, Shanks gave her a devilish grin and pulled the towel—and her—toward him with one swift tug.

Before Y/N could react, she lost her balance and tumbled forward, landing directly in the tub with Shanks.

Water splashed everywhere as Shanks burst out laughing, his chest heaving with mirth. Y/N, on the other hand, was mortified, her face flushed as she found herself lying against his bare chest.

“Shanks!” she gasped, trying to push herself up, but he only laughed harder.

“Hey, you’re the one who got me in this tub in the first place,” he teased. “Now you get to enjoy it too!”

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh along with him, her embarrassment fading as she realized how ridiculous the situation was. She wriggled slightly, trying to get comfortable. “This is not how I planned it to go.”

Shanks smirked. “Then maybe you should’ve planned better.”

After a beat, Shanks raised an eyebrow. “Well? You’ve already fallen in. Might as well stay.”

Y/N sighed dramatically. “Fine. But I’m keeping my shorts on.”

She reached up to peel off her soaked top, revealing her bra underneath. Shanks let out a low whistle. “Well, if I knew this was how the night was going to end, I would’ve had back pain ages ago.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, though she couldn’t help but smile. “You’ve seen me in a bikini on the ship a hundred times.”

“Yeah,” Shanks said, his voice teasing, “but it’s always a pleasant surprise to be remembered of what you are hiding under you shirt”. She rolled her eyes, settling into the tub. "You’re impossible," she repeated, though this time there was a fondness in her voice. They sat together in comfortable silence, playing with the bubbles and petals floating in the water. He couldn’t help but taking some flower petals in his hand and letting it gently fall in her hair, making her giggle, her eyes shyly watching the water. The heat of the bath and the soothing scent of lavender wrapped around them like a warm blanket, and for the first time in a while, Shanks felt completely at ease.

Eventually, the water began to cool, and they reluctantly decided it was time to get out. As Shanks stood up and reached for a towel, he let out a soft grunt.

Y/N’s brow furrowed with concern. "Does it still hurt?" she asked, her voice soft. Shanks shook his head, grinning. "On the contrary, I feel amazing. And now I can’t use my back pain as an excuse to make you do this again."

Y/N laughed, tossing him another towel.

"Guess I’ll just have to come up with another excuse," Shanks smirked, wrapping the towel around his waist.

As they stepped out of the bathroom, the tension that had been weighing Shanks down for days had finally lifted. He felt lighter, freer, and though he might not have been 20 anymore, he realized that moments like these—shared with the people who cared about him—made aging feel a little less daunting. And as Y/N flashed him one last smile before heading to her room, Shanks couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, he was still young enough for a few more surprises in life.

[lucyandalexiafan]

I'm scared | Alexia Putellas x Reader | part 2

summary: first time that Alexia and reader talk about sex (specifically: masturbation) after the walk.

warnings: angst, allusion to past sexual abuses. really light smut moment (r comes home early and sees Alexia have orgasm using a vibrator).

words: 3k

Part 1

When you had spoken to Alexia about your past, about those experiences, you hadn't expected her to be so understanding and engaged in helping you.

Even though you knew she was a sweet person, kind, and in some way you knew she loved you, or was starting to develop strong feelings for you, up until that day you had believed she wouldn't stay with you once she found out what had happened to you.

Alexia is beautiful, charming, loved by hundreds of thousands of people; she's the captain of Spain and Barcelona, which means she's surrounded by beautiful women, a lot of them probably much more predisposed to have sex with her and much less anxious about it. She's famous, so not only fans and other footballers would want something with her, but also other celebrities, like models or actresses or singers.

Alexia doesn't just play football, she's also a football activist, a model and she works with some brands, which means she works in contexts that allow her to meet many (beautiful) women.

All these things had made it difficult for you to think that she would stay after that walk.

She took you home once you had returned to the car because the next day she had to go to Madrid for work with Nike. Before getting out of the car, you had kissed her and, thinking it was the last time, you had tried to imprint the image of Alexia so close to your face in your memory. You thought you wouldn't see her again and that she wouldn't contact you anymore, that she would ghost you or break up with you by message.

You had spent that night sleepless, tears flowing heavily from your eyes and nausea that had forced you to sit on the bathroom floor for a few hours, the retching had painfully contracted your body several times during those hours. Even though you hated yourself every time you did it, you kept checking your phone hoping to see a notification from her, a message, a post sent on Instagram or TikTok, and the more time passed, the more you received no news from her, the more nausea and the tears increased, the more you believed you had lost her forever.

Yet, the next day, the sound of the doorbell had woken you up. You had struggled to get out of bed, the headache was killing you and your back seemed to be broken in two by the pain, the sweat covering your forehead was a symptom of yet another nightmare that had invaded your sleep. 

You looked at the video intercom and saw a delivery man. "Yes, who's there?" you had asked, your voice hoarse, ruined by crying.

"Hello, I'm from Bakery Adele, I was told I have to deliver this order to this address" the delivery guy had replied, his voice annoyingly shrill, before asking for confirmation of identity.

You had told him he could leave it at the concierge and that you would come down later, but he had persuaded you by saying there was a piping hot double espresso cappuccino and a freshly baked cream-filled brioche waiting for you.

You had put on a jacket that was hanging on the coat rack, a jacket of Alexia, and had gone down. The delivery guy handed you the breakfast, a little note attached to the package, and then said goodbye.

Bakery Adele doesn't do deliveries, never.

Once you had entered the house, you had opened the note, and tears had returned when you had read it.

"I thought of ordering your favorite breakfast from your bakery. Whenever you feel like it, if you want, write to me or call me, I'm always here. I miss you, but I'll wait for you to feel ready to talk to me. Alexia <3"

Tears, tears, and more tears.

You had bitten your lip as you grabbed your phone to video call her. You didn't care about the condition of your face or your hair at that moment, you only cared about seeing if it was true, if she was sincere. You had spent the whole night thinking she hadn't written to you because she didn't want to talk to you anymore, only to find out she was waiting for you?

"Amor," her voice, her sweet voice, invaded the deafening silence of your home.

"Ale-" you had replied trying to articulate a sentence, but inevitably ending up crying.

"What's wrong, amor? Are you okay?" she was worried, her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes squinted.

"I thought you didn't want me anymore and now the breakfast has arrived and I don't understand and-" You start speaking quickly, thoughts overlapping in your mind one after another, as you try to express yourself, to tell her how confused you feel right now.

"Take a breath, amor breath with me. Did you think I wouldn't call you? - you shook your head - Amor, I told you I'm in love with you, why would I leave you?"

You hadn't talked much, actually, because she was about to enter the store and there was a lot of confusion, but she had called you back that evening.

And the day after, and the day after that, until she had shown up at your house with takeout Chinese food.

A couple of days after she returned, you had asked if you could talk, if you could talk about what had happened. You knew that the best idea would have been to go to her place, a place from which it would have been easy to run away from her if things didn't go as you hoped, and not to your place, where Alexia could have stayed even against your will; but the emotional comfort you felt being in your own home was crucial to be able to talk to her, to face the situation.

You were at your home, on the couch: you were sitting cross-legged, your hands holding hers, and you had told her that you understood if this thing was bigger than her, if she didn't want to wait for some time to do something sexual, but you had also told her that a part of you would have wanted her to stay because you wanted to face this thing with her, that you truly wanted to face it.

Alexia, hesitant, had told you, after a while of talking, that she thought it was appropriate for you to start a therapy process, maybe also to go to therapy together, because only then could you fully face the trauma. She also made sure to tell you that if you couldn't afford it continuously over time or with the right frequency, she would help you financially because, yes, facing it, but with the right psychologist. Shyly, she had told you that she had done a couple of searches on the best psychologists in Barcelona for this type of trauma and had found one really good, and that she would also be available to do couple therapy.

You had told her you would think about it and a few days later you had contacted one of the psychologists on her list.

The initial doubts about her seriousness in being faithful to you and not seeking anyone else for sexual satisfaction surfaced when she left for a National Team camp, and they exploded when you thought she was cheating on you with Jenni. The endless social media edits you continued to see fueled the doubt that perhaps, while genuinely attempting to complete the therapeutic journey, she was seeking to fulfill her sexual desire with someone else in secret.

At the third couple's therapy session after that camp, you addressed the issue. You had resignedly told her that you wanted to know if she was with other women, that you would understand but needed to know. She was shocked. She had told you multiple times that she only wanted you, that she would wait for you, that she didn't want anyone else, that she didn't want Jenni.

You had discussed it several times in therapy over the next two weeks, and even outside of therapy, but Alexia always said the same thing: I will wait for you, I want you.

The doubts had more or less disappeared when few weeks later you caught her having an orgasm with a vibrator while she thought you were still out. You were on holiday in the Canary Islands, you had gone out to do some shopping and go to an open-air market while she was sleeping, and you had left her a message saying you wouldn't be back in two hours; too bad the open-air market was on Thursday, not Tuesday, so you had returned after a little over half an hour. 

As soon as you entered the house, you heard moans and silently approached the bedroom, only to see her in the middle of the bed, her hand between her legs and a buzzing sound in the background accompanying her moans. 

You froze in place, not knowing what to do, or what to say. 

You didn't even know she had a vibrator. You hadn't really thought about it, actually.

You hadn't even had time to think about how to react because shortly after she reached the peak of pleasure, so you quickly moved towards the door, opened and closed it more loudly, pretending you had just entered. You didn't know why you did it, maybe you thought it would be easy to pretend you hadn't seen her, but you were wrong, especially for two reasons: seeing her climax had made you incredibly horny and you couldn't remove the image of her having an orgasm from your mind, so you couldn't even look her in the eyes.

Alexia had sensed something was wrong and asked you if everything was okay at dinner, when she asked if she had done something wrong. You almost choked on the water you were drinking, your cheeks suddenly burning, as you tried to come up with some excuses, only to give in.

"Amor, I don't know how to say it - you lowered your gaze, embarrassed to admit it, afraid she would get angry - I... today I came home earlier than you think and I-I saw you-"

"Fuck - Alexia exclaimed bluntly - Amor, I'm sorry, I... it shouldn't have happened, I thought you'd be back later," her tone suddenly guilty, as if masturbating were a fault.

"Are you sorry? - you asked, looking her in the eyes, and she nodded, her face red with embarrassment - But... why?"

Her expression became confused. "I-you weren't supposed to see me, I don't want you to think-"

"Since when you do it?" you asked, then realized the stupidity of the question when the older woman tilted her head to the side; you tried to change the subject, but she asked you to talk about it, to ask her, because it was important for her that you talked about it.

"Do you want to know if I've been doing it since we started dating or when I started doing it in general?" her tone was so calm, so relaxed, that you trusted her, trusted that she really just wanted to talk about it.

That was the first time you had talked so specifically about your sexual life, at least hers. 

She had told you she lost her virginity to a girl when she was fifteen, started using sex toys at sixteen, that throughout her relationship with Jenni they had been an integral part of the relationship, but she started using them less when she broke up with her because at that point she was having a lot of casual sex.

"I had sex with other women before I met you, both occasional and steady partners, so I didn't really need to use them to have an orgasm. Then we met, the relationship became serious and we started dating, so I stopped seeing other people, and when I realized we wouldn't have sex, I started using them more often. Since you told me about your past, I've started using them frequently again."

You bit your lip as you listened to her, it was evident that she was hesitant, choosing her words carefully, but at the same time she was so sure, so calm. The calmness with which she spoke about it almost gave you comfort, almost reassured you that she wasn't lying, that what she was saying was true.

"You can ask me anything, amor, none question is stupid."

"Do you do it because we don't have sex?"

She nodded hesitantly. "How does this make you feel? - you raised your eyebrows, confused - I don't want this thing to make you feel bad."

"It makes sense that you do it - you replied, your tone devoid of negative emotions - We don't have sex and you need to... have an orgasm. Why didn't you tell me?"

She took a sip of water in an attempt to stall. "I... I thought you would take it badly, that you would feel guilty or something, and I didn't want that. I told you I want to wait for you, but I was afraid that if I told you you would think that I necessarily need someone to have sex with or for me to tell you to speed things up - she sighed - But as you saw, my sex toys give me great orgasms and I could go on just with them for years" she continued, trying to relax the tension that had been created with her answer.

You chuckled with her, even though you were sorry she did it in secret, that she did it only when you weren't there, that she was afraid you would take it badly.

It was her first orgasm you had seen, and you had never really thought about the fact that she could be satisfied in other ways than having sex with other people.

"I had never thought that you would seek orgasms in other ways than sex - you simply stated - It's a stupid thing, sorry."

"It's not, actually. We've never talked about this, about maybe masturbating or actually wanting to have sex, regardless of whether we do it or not - the reflective tone, the calm voice - For example, when I feel the need to have an orgasm, use a vibrator because the orgasms I have using it are generally more satisfying than when I just use my fingers; but when I want to have sex, as well as an orgasm, I use my fingers because they feel closer to what I could have having sex with you."

You widened your eyes at the revelation, at how calmly she said it. You knew it was normal for her to be calm, you were glad she talked about it freely, but you didn't expect her to be so sincere.

"I've said too much, sorry. Please forget it," she continued, her voice concerned, her gaze now on the plate, her hands quickly grabbing the fork and knife to put them on the plate.

"No! - you replied, scaring her - Sorry, I don't know how to talk about it, but I'd like to, I like that we talk about it."

There was a pause, Alexia was simply smiling at you, perhaps surprised that you were actually having this conversation, perhaps because she didn't know what to say.

"I masturbate thinking about you," you said, a statement.

The woman in front of you widened her eyes, a choked moan escaped her mouth, the dismay obvious.

"When I do it I-I think about the two of us having sex or-or... doing sexual things - you lowered your gaze, a sense of humiliation invading your body when she said nothing - Please don't be mad at me"

You close your eyes, scared at the idea that she might start yelling that it's disrespectful, that it's wrong for you to do it, or, worse, that she might get up to hurt you, or physically punish you for it.

"Get mad? Why should I get mad? - her voice confused - It's normal for you to masturbate, to seek orgasm."

"Even if it's not with you?" she nodded "It's just that we don't have sex but I masturbate and... doesn't it make you mad?"

Your voice sounded more frightened than you wanted, but it was true that you feared she would get angry. You didn't want to have sex with her, you were afraid to have sex with her, but you touched yourself thinking of her; how could she take it?

"I'm glad you can touch yourself, that at least that part of your sexuality hasn't been broken," she moved her hands towards yours, squeezing them between hers "There's nothing wrong, amor, I'd be a selfish insecure person to think otherwise."

You bit your lip as you looked at her, admiring her. How could she always know what to say, always say the right thing?

"So, did you like to watch me while I touch myself?" you coughed embarrassed, not knowing what to say, or how to explain it.

You had enjoyed watching her come, even though it was by chance and for a short time, even though it was an unexpected thing that shouldn't have happened. The image of her coming, of her orgasm, was imprinted in your mind.

"I- you were just so beautiful when you came. I don't know how to say it, I feel stupid, and- it was like, I don't know - you sighed frustrated - it's just that I wish it were me making you come like that, not a vibrator."

"There's time, amor," she told you.

She was right, there was time, but you wanted to be the one instead of that vibrator.

I'm sorry it took me so long to post this, a few bad things happened and I didn't have the mind to write. this is a text that I wrote about two weeks ago but I only translated it last night; I'm not 100/100 satisfied, but I wanted to introduce a moment of discussion about sex before anything sexual could happen. I dealt with the topic of insecurity and jealousy in a very light way (perhaps superficially) but it seemed like the only way to introduce the moment on holiday. the hardest part for me, and what makes me a little dissatisfied, was trying to figure out whether what I wrote about accidentally seeing Alexia have an orgasm was itself a violation of consent, or could be construed as an accident (which it actually is); I chose to interpret it as an accident that Alexia knew could happen and to avoid the parties considering it a violation of consent. If this seems wrong to you, or will trigger a lot of people, I think I'll revisit this chapter. as usual, thanks for reading what I wrote :)

[aettuddae]

business matter — chapter 58.

↳ synopsis: two of the most important kpop companies covet a partnership with a huge global brand, only to be surprised when the deal is extended to both labels. fearing potential sabotage and cynical strategies to secure exclusivity for just one of them, both CEOs resort to desperate measures. in a bid to maintain trust and prevent betrayal before the signing, they come up with a pact: forcing a fake relationship between the leaders of their star girlgroups. if one side attempted to fail the other, they threaten to expose it all to the conservative south korea.

masterlist | prev | next

[written chapter]

all the lights in seoul went out. although the girl had not yet fallen asleep completely, the shock after the blackout had awakened her. once she understood what was happening she might have gone back to sleep if something hadn't abruptly crashed into the door and then slammed it open, without her even getting out of bed. from the dark house, serim emerged holding her phone that had the flashlight on and once inside the room she aggressively kicked the door to close it.

"what are you doing…?" karina whispered.

before she could hear her, serim made an olympic leap towards the bed where the blackhaired woman was resting and, ignoring the complaints and pushes that she gave her to get out of her bed, she managed to hide under the sheets. they both fell silent and then only serim's heavy breathing could be heard.

"what's going on?" the youngest asked stoically.

“what's going on, karina? there was a blackout." she said obviously.

“yes, serim, i can notice that, but why are you in my bed?” she spoke into the air since jang was completely covered.

“promise me you won’t laugh.” she asked.

“i won't laugh." she assured, already trying to hold back her laughter.

from beneath her, in the part of her body that was underneath the blanket, she felt serim poke her abdomen with her little finger. karina tried to stop her, but she continued until she understood what she wanted and put her hand under the coverlet, with her pinky extended, and she intertwined it with serim's, sealing her promise.

“i am very afraid of the dark.” she admitted. “since i was little, i could never get over it.” she sounded upset, like she was having trouble breathing. “i hate to thank you, but luckily you're here because i don't know what i would have done if i was alone during the blackout.”

“are you still afraid of the dark?”

"do not judge me!"

"i'm not!"

serim began to poke the contrary's abdomen repeatedly and quickly to annoy her, to which karina tried to get away from her and catch her hands to make her cease the action. out of nowhere, a loud crash was heard causing serim to let out a sharp scream of terror accompanied by a jump on the mattress, and then move disastrously and frantic trying to cover every small hole that led to the outside, messing up the bed, and approaching karina to cling to her body so that she would save her from whatever the threat was. due to the position in which she had ended up after so much rolling around on the bed, the closest extremity of yu within her reach was her legs, so she hugged one of these tightly.

“serim, serim.” she tried to detach her from her leg without results, so she rested her hands on her back. “it was the neighbor upstairs colliding with a chair, nothing's wrong, don't worry.” she patted her skin, frustrated at having to take care of a 26-year-old. “come, get out of there.”

the youngest took the girl by one of her arms and carefully pulled it upwards, trying to get her out from under the covers, but she resisted, clinging to her body tightly so she could stay there below.

“no, karina, i can’t.” she refused, her voice fragile. “what do i do if the boogeyman is out there in the dark?”

“the only thing out here in the dark is me and the oxygen that is not reaching you right now.” she continued to exert force. “namu, don't worry, i'm here.”

“i don't know if i'm more scared of the boogeyman or you.”

"come here." she finally got the older girl to uncover herself and take her head outside, although now holding on tightly to her shirt. “it's okay, you're scared, i'm not going to do anything bad, don't worry.” she tried to calm her down.

barely seeing her image with the little light that filtered from behind the curtains of the room's large window, yu noticed that her hair was a mess due to all the movement she made before, so, leaving a hand on serim's shoulder, she took the other to fix the locks that were in her face.

“you don't mind me sleeping here, do you?” jang asked weakly, fear and vulnerability impossible to hide.

“five minutes ago i would have told you to leave, but now that i see that you are seriously terrified of the dark, i can't be that mean.” she laughed softly. “what does it say about myself if you choose the boogeyman instead of me?”

“i could make great jokes about you and the boogeyman, but i'm scared so maybe another time.” she said with a sad voice and her lips forming a pout.

the blackhaired found that comment cute, so she couldn't resist a light smile, and giving a caress to the girl's cheek, as if it were a reassuring, friendly pat. she turned her body that was on her side facing serim and lay down on her back, but the oldest didn't move, instead she took advantage of her change of position to wrap herself around her arm and hide her head on her neck.

“namu, you can't sleep so close to me.” she carefully tried to push her body.

“i need to be touching you to know that there is someone and not be afraid.”

she babbled with her face still between karina's shoulder and jaw, moving to circle her torso and hold onto it, lacing her fingers with the fabric of her pajamas that draped over her ribs. by hugging her more securely, the young one could no longer separate her from her, and on the other side, she only felt her getting closer and closer. due to the little space between their bodies, the vocalist's nose constantly rubbed against the other's skin, and this one couldn't help but be distracted by this detail.

“why is your nose cold?” she asked in a low volume.

the girl returned to the previous position she was in, standing on her side, face to face and impossibly nearer to serim, who, due to the motion, remained holding the youngest in her arms, and upon noticing this, she rested her hands on her waist and lower back to press and attract her towards her.

"i have no idea." unlike her voice moments ago when she was scared, now her words came out in a serious deep tone typical of when you just woke up, still in a whisper.

yu held her face gently between her fingertips and moved closer to her, brushing their noses lightly once, taking a second to appreciate the sensation of the recent touch on her skin before lifting her chin again to rub her nose against jang's again and then maintain that contact for a moment, going back and forth slowly and tenderly, until she brought her lips to the opposite tip and left a kiss there.

before separating from her, serim moved towards her to capture her mouth with her own, but karina turned around, lying face up, quickly, avoiding the connection.

"i can't, i have a boyfriend." she remembered, that sentence coming out between labored breaths, as if she had just run.

serim rolled on the mattress, ending up on the opposite end of it, the back of her hand falling on the dancer's chest, keeping contact, she gave a frustrated sigh.

“so, you don't do it because you have a boyfriend,” she reiterated. “not because you don't want to." observed.

"think whatever you want." yu dismissed her, returning to the same sour tone with which she always spoke to her, adjusting her pillow to go to sleep.

“karina." the woman called after a moment of complete silence.

"now what?" tha named one asked tired, she was sleepy.

“can you hold my hand?” she asked shyly.

“namu…”

“it's not romantic at all, it's just that i need to be in contact with you to be reassured that there is someone else and i'm not alone in the darkness.” she explained honestly.

the youngest didn't react, so serim thought that she would not pay attention to her and so began to breathe with difficulty as she became aware of the lack of light again and felt helpless in it, but before she lost her composure she felt the touch of karina on her skin, sliding along it in search of her hand. the oldest made her task easier, tapping on her to make it simpler to find it. yu then wrapped her palm around jang's thumb, holding it steady, bringing calm to serim, and finally helping her fall asleep.

(!)

— taglist [CLOSED]: @yoontoonwhs @cwpiqwon @aliceiwk @xen248 @gtfoiydlyj @rinapomu @aeriuchinarga @multiliker @somedaydream @impossiblesharkcashrebel @yjiminswallet @haerinsloverr @yerimbrit @73vyn @dni-unavailable @yizhuobberi @sewiouslyz @yeetaberry127 @masuowo @yallatalla @aerithykly @chaenniefirst @minfolio @starrynini05 @hotluvlet @wmnrhot @mineige @lisaswifey @brocoliisscared @fae-the-wanderer

[angelfrombeneth]

EXES - T . NOTT & M . RIDDLE - PART 1

Mattheo Riddle/Theodore Nott x F!Reader

Summary: Theodore and you are exes. You didn't end on a super bad note, but things were said. After 2 years you're at a Slytherin party and get a bit carried away. But with who? ...You decide

Warnings: Alcohol consumption and cursing

Part 1 > Part 2 (Theo) : Part 2 (Mattheo)

You and Theodore had been together from 2nd year to 4th. It wasn't until the pair of you had a huge argument that you called it quits midway through 4th year. You were friends with his friends but you distanced yourself slightly after the break up. Becoming friends with different people. It wasn't that you and Theo were on bad terms, it was more you were young and immature and didn't know how to love properly.

It was now 6th year, 2 years after you both had broken up. It was way better, both of you had moved on - some more than others and could be in a room together without someone getting hurt. But you always find the time to dig at the boy.

You had become friends again with them all, feeling comfortable around them.

"Hey Y/N" Pansy smiled as she leaned against the lockers with Theo and Enzo.

"Hey, you OK?" You smiled as you reached up to unclasp the claw clip from your hair, letting it fall.

"Yeah! We are having a Slytherin party later if you're interested in coming" She smiled at you.

"You gotta be there Y/N/N! It'll be a hit" Enzo smiled.

You laughed at the pair of them. "Maybe not tonight guys, I've got to study" You looked at Theo, wondering why he wasn't looking at you.

"Whats with the face like a slapped arse, Nott?" You quirked your eyebrow up at him.

"I had a dream about you, last night you know" He looked up at you, the way he stared at you as if you two were the only people in the whole hall.

"OK? And I care because?" You laughed slightly staring at him, your arms crossed against your chest.

"It genuinely felt so real" At this point Pansy and Enzo has moved a bit away giving you two privacy, expecting this to be your argument that you have once a day.

"OK? What happened then" You scoffed, tapping on your heel impatiently.

"We got back together.." Theo reached his hand up to his neck, scratching it as he spoke.

You froze looking at him as you burst out laughing, bending over slightly. "What a fucking nightmare!" You giggled as you walked away from him.

Theodore wasn't a terrible boyfriend but he had a lack of awareness. He took the title of boyfriend but didn't do anything boyfriend worthy. No kisses, no cuddles, no anything. The two of you were together for two years and had barely held hands. Yes, you were young, of course you wouldn't of hooked up, but you wanted atleast a kiss. You believe Theo is starting to regret his younger self because these comments became frequent. Very fucking frequent. Despite his weekly turned nightly escapades with random girls - all he could think about was you.

A few days later you found yourself yet again in the same corridor but it was just Theo this time.

"Hey Y/N-" He shouted, you stopped in your tracks to turn and face him.

"What is it Nott" you groan.

"You free tonight?" He looked at you, leaning against the wall. "Slytherin party"

"I guess I can make time" You crossed your arms looking at him. "Who's asking"

"Me duh" He rolled his eyes. "You're amazing ex boyfriend"

"Only ex boyfriend I have is the spawn of satan" You snorted. His face fell and a look of shock took over. "See you at the party, Notty boy" You skipped away.

The Slytherin party was a hit. You hadn't been to one in fucking forever because you just felt weird I guess. The one time you did, you just felt so.. out of place you left early. The drinks were flowing, smoke from the machine but also cigs filled the room. A Slytherin party was the party where everything would go down.

It wasn't even 5 minutes after being there and you felt a hand on your waist. You turn around to see Mattheo and laugh. "You've clearly had too much to drink already, Matty" You chuckle, poking his chest.

"Not enough to keep me away from you" He smiled as you rolled your eyes and laughed. "Dance with me?" You nodded, walking to the centre of the room with Mattheo.

Mattheo is Theodore's bestfriend so you expected when you both broke up for him to ice you out. Surprisingly he didn't it, he says it's because your 'too smoking hot to ignore' but deep down you both have a good bond. The pair of you used to hang out alot because of Theo that you got to know him, really well.

Now hooking up with Mattheo, wasn't a bad idea but you just didn't want to get messy. It wasn't like you and Theo were going to get back on track. But then you did let the idea plague your mind a few times, besides you were looking hot tonight in a tiny black skirt, practically a belt and a bikini top, so why not.

As you danced with Mattheo, his hands were constantly on your waist, moving with your hips to the beat as he smirked down at you. He's quite hot actually. Fuck was it the alcohol?

You pressed your back to his chest as you slowly moved your body down his, grinding your ass into his pelvis as you bent over slightly. Mattheo was feeling it, his hands were all over your body grabbing up on you.

Maybe it wasn't so bad....

Choose your boy:

(Part 2 will include smut no matter which one you choose)

(A hyperlink to the chapters will be posted once they are out)

Mattheo || Theodore

[joelscruff]

one thing i'm missing (joel miller/reader) PART TWO

thank you so much for the love on the first part!! ♥ PART ONE | ao3 summary: you and joel accidentally end up falling asleep together, and what follows is the beginning of a quiet and tender relationship neither of you saw coming. rating: 18+ explicit (this part is not explicit but this fic will be) warnings: (for future parts) smut, age difference (reader is in her mid 20s and joel in his mid 50s), praise kink - will add more as fic progresses word count: about 3.9k

That whole day you'd kept waiting for Joel to mention it, say absolutely anything in allusion to what the two of you had shared that morning, but he didn't. And in turn, neither did you. It was like it had never happened; he didn't look at you differently or talk to you differently, which you guess in most ways you were grateful for. The last thing you wanted was for him to suddenly start acting like there was something weird going on, but there was something going on. The way he'd looked at you, the way his fingers had stroked the skin of your back, you knew it wasn't just nothing.

The only thing that had changed was Joel's stamina; after such a good sleep, he'd recovered greatly in just one night and now seemed to be able to travel further without as many stops. In just one day you'd all managed to double your travel time, which even managed to put a smile on Ellie's face.

“I'm glad you're feeling better,” she'd said to Joel that afternoon, beaming proudly at the miracle she'd helped him achieve, “It was weird not having you around for so long.”

He'd smiled back at her and your heart had stuttered at the familiarity of it, recalling the look he'd given you that morning, “I knew I'd be back,”he'd said it stiltedly, like he was talking in a foreign accent. You'd both stared at him in confusion and he'd sighed exasperatedly, “Terminator. Movie from the 80s.”

“Ohhh,” you and Ellie had both chorused, and he'd rolled his eyes.

You'd set up camp again that night and had hoped that Ellie's change in demeanour might warrant her sleeping closer to the fire, closer to you and Joel, but it didn't. In fact, she'd ended up setting down her sleeping bag even further away than the night before. You and Joel both acknowledged it but didn't say anything to her, not wanting to push her boundaries.

“I'm worried about her,” you'd said quietly when it was just the two of you.

“I know, me too,” he'd sighed, “Kept thinkin' that maybe tonight would be different – she was so normal today, wasn't she?”

“She was,” you agreed, “I thought the same thing.”

“Guess it's gonna take time,” he muttered, poking at the fire absentmindedly, “luckily we got no shortage of that, huh?” his eyes met yours and you felt that familiar flutter in the base of your stomach before he turned his attention back to the fire.

Joel took first watch. Neither of you had acknowledged the period of time in which you both slept last night, so by proxy Joel hadn't given you any shit for not waking him up for his turn. You set your sleeping bag up a few feet from the fire where he sat, painfully aware of the fact that he could see every move you made. You realized quickly that in your nervousness, or maybe because all you could think of was last night, you'd laid it wide and flat against the ground like it was a duvet. Like it wasn't just you sleeping under it tonight.

“You'll freeze like that,” he'd said quietly behind you, and you'd tried not to show the disappointment you felt was written all over your body language.

“Right,” you'd muttered, and zipped the bag back up, slipping inside of it and shutting your eyes tight once you were situated.

Of course he's not gonna get in with you, you idiot. It was a one-time thing. He's probably already forgotten it even happened.

You tried to sleep but failed miserably. Your thoughts wouldn't shut up, reminding you over and over again that Joel was right there, only a few feet away, and yet you couldn't have felt further away from him. You longed for the feeling of his arms around you again, that warmth you'd shared together, the feeling of his hot skin against the palm of your hand. You couldn't stop replaying that moment over and over, when he'd looked down at you and smiled so softly and tenderly, looked at you like you were the only person that existed to him.

You felt a gentle nudge to your shoulder and you opened your eyes to see Joel kneeling over you, extending the rifle toward your still form, “Sorry,” he'd said quietly, “it's your turn.”

“It's okay, I wasn't asleep,” you whispered, taking the rifle from him and sitting up.

His brow furrowed at your words but he didn't say anything else, just got up from his crouch and walked over to where he'd set up his blanket. You felt the urge to tell him he'd freeze, use his own words against him, but you knew it wouldn't achieve anything.

Your watch was uneventful, spent mostly throwing grass into the fire and watching the embers dance in the darkness. You couldn't get your mind to focus on anything else but Joel, who you periodically peered over at to make sure wasn't freezing to death. He was still, but the expression on his face was anything but peaceful and you very much doubted he was even asleep.

Around the time you knew you were supposed to alert him for his watch, you hesitated. A new thought had crossed your mind and you began to twist it around in your head, weighing the pros and cons. After a few moments of deep thought, you got up and walked over to Joel. He was shivering a little bit now, not much but it was obvious he wasn't comfortable.

Fuck it, you'd thought to yourself, then grabbed your sleeping bag and started to unzip it. Hearing the noise, Joel – who (you were right) was wide awake – opened his eyes and saw you standing there. You met his gaze but neither of you said anything. He'd watched as you carefully laid down beside him, not close enough that you were touching because you still weren't sure how he'd react, but so both of you were underneath the new layer of warmth together. You waited for him to tell you to move or for him to scramble out from under the material and start his watch, but he didn't. He just kept looking at you, expression unreadable. It was like an unspoken challenge, who would speak first, and you were both winning.

With one last look at him, you'd closed your eyes, willing yourself to believe that he would stay.

-

The sound of Joel snoring woke you up in the early hours of the morning, not because it was obnoxious but because it was directly in your ear. Your eyes snapped open and you realized you were now lying on your side facing the trees. You could feel him at your back, pressed into you solidly with his arms wrapped around your middle; he was spooning you.

Swallowing out of nervousness you looked down at his hands, curled around your midsection, and felt a hot pang of recognition as reality began to sink in; he hadn't gotten up for his watch, he'd stayed with you and fallen asleep. He'd wanted you there. You closed your eyes and found yourself choking back the sudden emotions you felt bubbling to the surface. Joel wanted you. He wanted you.

He snored again and you couldn't help but smile, feeling his warm breath at the nape of your neck, the tip of his nose bumping gently against the skin there. You could feel his beard against the top of your shoulder blade and you shivered unconsciously, leaning further back into his touch, feeling the hint of his lips brush against your skin. You closed your eyes and sighed contentedly, and seconds later you'd fallen back to sleep.

When you woke again, he was gone. You rolled over with a frown, searching for him, only to see both he and Ellie sitting at the fire eating breakfast. You looked down and realized that Joel had put his blanket back in his pack and wrapped your sleeping bag around you, making it seem like you'd slept by yourself all night. If he'd been alone at the fire you would have been confused, hurt, but seeing Ellie sitting there made it make sense; he didn't want her to know, and honestly neither did you.

You'd sat up and stretched, then extricated yourself from the sleeping bag and shuffled over to the two of them. Ellie hadn't said anything, bleary eyed and clearly still half asleep as she munched on whatever canned perishable they'd cooked up, but Joel had looked at you and graced you with a gorgeous half smile, eyes meeting yours.

“Mornin',” he'd said softly, “Sleep good?”

You'd smiled back and sat beside Ellie, reaching for a fork, “Really good, you?”

His eyes, dark and deep but shining in the morning sun, held your gaze as he replied, “Can't complain.”

After that, neither of you slept alone.

The following night, Joel had spread his blanket out on the ground and you'd wordlessly placed your sleeping bag on top of it; he didn't object. You both abandoned the idea of a second watch, confident that you were far enough away from any civilization that no one was going to sneak up on you in the night. After checking the perimeter and making sure Ellie was fast asleep, you'd crawled under the sleeping bag where Joel lay still and inched in beside him. You didn't make eye contact, nerves twisting inside your belly as you shuffled even closer to him and wound your arm around his torso, placing your head on his chest. In response, he'd tilted his head toward yours, nosing the crown of it and sighing contentedly, his hands coming up to trail gently along your back.

“Night,” you'd breathed, nuzzling into the warmth of his coat, focusing on the feeling of being held by him.

“G'night,” he'd murmured in response, and you'd both fallen asleep within minutes.

Every morning was the same in some ways but different in others. Sometimes he'd be spooning you from behind again, and you could always tell when he was awake versus when he was asleep by the way he nuzzled against you. When he was asleep he was uninhibited, mouth open against your skin and arms a dead weight around your body, solid and comfortable. When he was awake he was more reserved, keeping his face shrouded in your jacket instead of your neck, fingers consciously fluttering around your middle like he wasn't sure exactly what to do with them.

Admittedly you'd pretend to be asleep for longer periods so you could bask in the feeling of him holding you so close; whenever he realized you were awake he would always pull away, not out of embarrassment or regret but because he didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. This much was clear by the way he touched you when he thought you were asleep, so careful and gentle, soft and sweet. Like you were some precious thing he had to be extremely careful with or you'd break apart. He was never trying to get away from you, only trying to get you closer.

But neither of you said anything, never spoke a word about it to each other. It simply became a part of the routine. You weren't sure if there was some unspoken rule that talking about it would make it weird or make it go away, but you weren't going to risk it and neither was Joel. What happened at night and in the early mornings was just between the two of you, quiet and secret. Ellie was none the wiser; she was still keeping her distance at night and though you were still concerned about it, you had to admit that you were slightly thankful for her sudden desire for independence. Without it, you doubted you'd be waking up in Joel's embrace every morning.

Your favorite part of those mornings, of those moments, was when Joel would look at you. Somehow, though neither of you had spoken a word about what was going on, that one look he'd give you in the early hours when the sun was just barely cresting the trees was everything. His eyes would meet yours in a silent whisper, a cosmic spark that you could feel in your bones. They were so brown and so soft – you could remember first meeting him and being frightened by the coldness of his stare, laughable now. The man who looked at you now was kind and gentle, the aged lines that painted his face no longer seeming intimidating or such a big deal – he was a lot older than you, but so what? He'd blink slowly, no longer because he was tired but because he was so relaxed, and oftentimes his eyes would involuntarily close again and he'd fall back into a quiet and easy sleep.

You'd live in that brief moment for the rest of the day, holding the image at the front of your mind until you were back in his arms again. Rinse. Repeat. You still weren't sure what any of it meant to him, but you'd begun to realize what it meant to you; the mere thought of not having those moments anymore or losing whatever it was the two of you shared frightened you. You'd begun to need him so much more than you had before and you couldn't help but wonder if he was starting to feel that same need.

-

It had been about two weeks since the events with David. Joel was doing much better but still hadn't returned to his regular travel pace, leaving you all still hiking through the Colorado wilderness. You'd both had to make a pretty tough decision in regard to whether you'd travel by roads and through small abandoned communities or stick to the secluded safety of the forest. Arguably you'd get to your destination faster by road, but safety had become a much higher priority ever since Joel's close call, not to mention Ellie had obviously become extremely wary of other people. The last thing you needed was to run into another group – or worse, a cult like David's. Besides, sleeping deep in the forest meant less need for frequent watches, which meant more good sleeps for both you and Joel that kept you well rested and alert... among other things.

The sun had started setting when Ellie first saw the sign, running ahead with a wide eyed expression and extending her arm out to point to the faded wooden letters.

“'Evergreen Haven Hideaway'”, she read aloud “Come for a relaxing soak in our hot springs'” she turned around to look at you and Joel, a confused expression on her face, “What are hot springs?”

“Holy shit,” you'd muttered breathlessly, jogging forward a bit to catch up to Ellie and peer at the sign, “They're like natural outdoor baths, the water stays really warm even when it's cold outside.”

“Baths?” she'd looked at you incredulously, “Like we could actually get clean here?”

“Well, without soap we can't do much, but being submerged in water that's not gonna make us freeze to death sounds good to me.”

“Hold on,” Joel had caught up to you, expression serious, “Look at the other sign.”

Your eyes scanned ahead of you and you noticed another wooden sign that had fallen down into the dirt, half covered by plant growth: Cabins and Campground for All Ages.

“This ain't just a hot spring, it's a resort.”

Your face visibly fell and Ellie raised an eyebrow, “So?”

“So,” Joel sighed, looking around suspiciously as if he half expected to see someone emerge from the treeline, “That last place where everything went down, that was a resort too. Albeit much larger and not secluded, but still a resort.”

At the mention of David's compound, Ellie's expression changed, her eyes suddenly cold and hard. You watched as she clenched her left hand into a fist, then swiftly turned around to face away from you and Joel so you couldn't see her face.

“Nothing could be worse than that place,” she said stoically, evenly.

You and Joel looked at each other, sharing a glance that echoed the exact same sentiment: she wasn't going to take no for an answer, not anymore.

Sighing, Joel shook the rifle off his shoulder and checked the rounds. You pulled out your handgun and did the same thing, biting your lip. You were both running out of bullets, not to mention food, and you both knew that an opportunity like this to find some supplies wasn't going to come along again any time soon. Hearing the rattle of artillery, Ellie spun back around. Her cold expression was suddenly replaced with a wide smile when she saw what you were doing.

“Fuck yeah!” she said excitedly, slipping her backpack off and digging through it to find her gun, “Hot springs!”

“Hot springs,” you repeated with a smile, eyeing Joel.

He nodded but his expression was still serious, “Hot springs.”

[blindaysblogforturtles]

Everyone's doin it, why shouldn't I? I've got things to say! And unfortunately, Cass cant just draw as if she is a camera looking at them the whole time. So, we still get space for fic!

Hope you like it. It's like, the first time in months I finish a wip. And in record time! You did this, Cass. Thank you so much.

@somerandomdudelmao

It was happening. The red eared slider started small, and grew, and grew, and Donatello tightened his grip on the mug containing what was essentialy his brother's soul. He could allow him to go in, now. Just a little push.

But. What if something went wrong? What if Leo got lost in the way? What if he faded? He was stronger now, but still so fragile.

Raph smiled.

"Trust him, Donnie. He's got this." Raph avoided mentioning Mikey's concerns about the process, things he said only for the sake of confiding into someone else. It wouldn't do any good to make Donnie more anxious.

Donatello sighed and took his hand off the mug, using his ninpo to gently nudge Leo's into his new body. It rebelled, the little flame attached to his field. Scared. I don't want to be alone again, it said. Please. Donnie smiled. You won't. Trust me. He answered back. And after a few seconds of hesitation, the flame complied.

With the source in it, the body grows into the Leo he remembered. Or. Almost. He was healthy, because of course he was, he wasn't about to make a new body just for it to be shitty- but somehow smaller... thinner. Maybe he did something wrong- maybe, maybe Leo's soul didn't have enough energy to become himself-

But then he saw how Casey's eyes stared adoringly at the pod. Casey, who also had more scars and less pounds than he remembered. Donnie hadn't noticed much through his cameras- better yet, he had, but seeing it in person...

Suddently the alarm went off, signalling it was time to take his Lime-o-nardo Pie out of the oven. God, that was awful. Leo would absolutely love it.

With a gentleness only a biological body could muster, Raph lifted Nardo from his pod onto his arms, with a gaze so soft and proud Donnie thought he was about to cry.

They all hovered with warm smiles ready to welcome the leader in blue, barely containing the excitement in being all together again.

Except.

Nothing happened. Casey frowned and before Donnie could say or do anything, gently placed his fingers on his sensei's neck. He gasped.

"What? What happened?!" Raph asked barely below the yelling tone.

"His heartbeat." Casey replied in a whisper. "It's slow. Too slow." He looked at Donnie. "There's something wrong."

Raph quickly set Leo down after a quick nod from Donatello, who put on his goggles and started scanning to find whatever was his brother's ailment. A tense silence followed soon after.

"What... what is the problem?" Asked Casey. He was trembling into Raph's reassuring arms, never once looking away from his sensei. Donnie frowned.

"The good news is, nothing is physically wrong." He answered. "The bad news is, nothing's physically wrong."

There was a pregnant pause.

By Donnie's orders, Raph moved Leo to the place supposed to serve as his bedroom. Donnie tried every possible test he knew, from reflexes to blood test, to little slaps on his face, to begging. Leo's heartbeat was weak and frail. Like his ninpo had been.

This was all his fault. He should've given him more time, should've waited for Mikey to be healed enough to help, should've, should...

He punched Leo's chest, starling Raphael and Casey. They looked flabbergasted as he started doing compressions.

"I'm not letting you go, Nardo. Do you hear me? I'M NOT LETTING YOU GO!" He screamed. Death was not going to take him. He wouldn't let it happen.

So he kept on going, pressing. Forcing Leo's body to intake more air. Up, down, up, down.

Up, down.

But nothing changed in the five minutes it took for him to stop and realize he had been crying. Shit, he was crying in front of Casey. Fuck that, his brother was dying. No. No, no, he wasn't. Donnie could fix it, he could fix anything! There had to be another solution, something to keep him here, something Donnie could do. It didn't matter what, be it joke, scream, reveal his worst secrets, summon a demon with some dark ritual-

-wait. The memory ritual.

"That's it!" He yelled, and barked instructions around. Casey got started with Raph's assistance no questions asked. It was going to work. It had to.

Because he had no idea what to do if it didn't.

With the glowing lights and a final nod of confirmation, they started the ritual.

° ° °

Casey tightened his grip on Leonardo's unresponsive hand. He needed him back. He was 16, he still needed his best friend, his mentor, his sensei.

He felt tears prickle in his eyes. This was all so unfair. Everything was. Why did he have to be strong? Why did he have to see the apocalypse happen? Twice? Why did he have to watch his family die? He was watching him die for the second- the third time!

He had felt so alone here, with strangers wearing the faces of his family. Strangers he loved so dearly but couldn't show or tell. Only, now they could be together again. It was just Leo, now.

"You can't do this to me, sensei. You can't." He breathed. Because he promised to be there to see Casey grow up. He promised to train him until he didn't need him anymore.

But he still did. Now, more than ever. Still needed him as his best friend, as his mentor, teacher, his sensei.

His dad.

"I miss you, dad."

° ° °

It was cold. And surprisingly humid for a mind belonging to someone so heavily associated with fire. His feet touched the watery ground and he looked around.

There wasn't... anything here. Nothing useful, no sign of Leonardo's soul.

He started wandering, ocasionally calling for his brother.

"Leo? Nardo, are you here?" He walked around but saw nothing.

That is, until he looked down. Instead of a reflection, there he was. His twin. Mirrorring his actions and expressions like when they were tots.

"Leo! Leo, can you hear me?" He kneeled and touched the water. It was cool and shallow, but there was a force keeping him from getting in... or getting Leo out. He took notice of Leo mirrorring his expressions and punched the invisible wall. Nothing.

It was as if Leo didn't want to come with him.

"You aren't making things easy, Nardo."

The reflection- Leo just kept mimicking him. Donnie hissed. They had come too far for them to accept being only 3 now. He punched the water wall. They should never be less than 4. He needed. Punch. To get. Punch. His twin.

"Come on, come on, come on, come on!" Punch.

OUT!

The wall broke and without sparing a single second Donatello's hand searched and grabbed the collar of Leonardo's cape.

"Come here, you dumbass!" He pulled and finally - finally! - Leonardo in all his glowing and translucid and barely solid form came out of the water.

His eyes were angry and his face seemed hostile. If it was a mirror for Donnie's own features he didn't know, and it did NOT matter.

"You are coming with me and this is not up for discussion!"

He just snatched him completely from the water, glaring at its lifeless blue glow, barely registering the look of bewilderment and recognition that came across Leo's face.

"FUCK YOU, Death! I'm taking him!"

With his twin - his prize, his other half, his hope - in his arms, Donnie took impulse to leave that place. They were safe, it was going to be okay.

Leo's soul once again rebelled, reaching his armless nub towards the water. Home, his twin senses told him. Leo thought this was home.

"No, you idiot. I am taking you home."

Their eyes met. From the lifeless blue, the soul gripped his arm back and he tightened his hold. He knew that look. Hope. A ninja's greatest weapon, as cheesy as it sounds.

"Trust me, Nardo."

And with no need of words, he heard an answer.

"I do, Tello."

"I'll see you on the other side."

° ° °

Again, I hope you like it. I'm happy with the end result.

[pyro-les]

Rescue - Agathario - part 1 of 3

1,124 words - Warnings: mentions of death

Taglist: @thecavalrywife @hannah-0730

Rio had first found her when she took yet another soul, a young witch taken all too soon. It was sad seeing people with so much potential die so young, the poor girl had only lived till her mid twenties before being brutally killed just outside her own home by a witch hunter. The sight wasn't pretty but it was nothing unusual however what she would never forget was the look on the childs face ehen she walked out to see her morher dead. Seeing the poor souls of the deads family react to their loved ones fate was never easy but with young ones it was so much worse, especially in cases like this where they had no one else.

"Who are you?" The child spoke, breaking Rio out of thoughts.

Looking back down towards the child, timid and scared but not backing away. How could she even see her?

After a pause, not knowing what to do since no one had ever seen her while she collected souls before she decided to honestly introduce herself. "I'm Rio."

The child smiled up at her before looking down at her mum. Her white dress was staring to turn red with blood, it was no sight for a child but atleast the hunter hadn't burnt the body like many would.

"She's not okay is she?"

The kid was clearly smart and surprisingly keeping her emotions somewhat in check. Rio felt bad for the kid, with this kind of response the kid had likely been warned by her mother this could happen and that's a difficult conversation for a kid so young. And she would know, having once having to have told her own child the same thing so so long ago.

"I'm so sorry." Rio replied meaning every word, she may be the embodiment of death but that didn't mean she hadn't felt grief. She knew first hand how horrible it was to loose family, and she atleast had someone to help her through the pain, this child had no one.

She had to help.

"Where will she go?" The child asked, looking up to Rio who had come to stand just in front of her.

There was no point in lying, the child deserved to know the truth. "I'm going to take her to the next realm."

The child nodded, seemingly not questioning why it was Rio who took her. "But where will I go?"

It was a good question. The kid couldn't stay here, witch hunters were ruthless and if they realised earlier there had been a magical child inside the house she would already be dead. "You don't have anyone left for you?" Rio asked hopefully even though she already knew the answer, only being confirmed when the child solemnly shook her head.

"You can come with me." Rio said nervously, she never expected to take anyone else in attempt loosing Nicky but she couldn't leave the kid here. It's going to be hard, for both her and Agatha aswell as the kid who's life was being so suddenly changed but there was no other choice.

The child nodded, probably a bit too trusting but it was good, it made it easier. "Where will we go?"

"Home" Rio replied with a soft smile, kneeling down for the child to climb into her arms.

She held her close as she stood, remembering the last time she held someone like this, remebering the worst experience of her life. The child hugging her back being the only difference, she could hold Rio close while Nicholas couldn't and never would again.

Trying to pull herself out of her thoughts she spoke softly to the girl "It'll be OK, I won't let anyone hurt you."

Rio opened a small portal to just outside her own home. A small cottage in a forest, it wasn't much but the purple flowers outside and the faint feel of the protection spell around it made it feel like home.

Feeling Rio's magic nearby Agatha came to the door to greet her wife, pausing seeing the small girl in her arms as the portal behind her slowly fizzled out.

"Brought in a stray?" Agatha asks, even with the sarcastic wording it was clear she was worried.

Walking closer to her wife Rio hummed, "she had nowhere else to go." Agatha nodded knowing she would explain the rest later.

"Who are you?" The girl asked, finally speaking after just looking around since the change of location.

Agatha looked to Rio for help, not entirely sure on what to say. "My wife." Rio stated, setting the girl down.

Seeing her looking around curiously Agatha spike to her, "you can look around if you want hun."

The girl then looked upto Rio, "But what if he comes back?" So she had seen what she was rather hoping she hadn't. The girl had watched her mother be murdered.

Kneeling down in front of her, Rio took the girls hands in her own. "No one can get you here." "We'll look after you." Agatha added on, putting her hand on the girls shoulder.

Looking between the two of them the girl smiles and whispers a small "thank you" before walking into the house curiously. The fact that the kid was still keeping it together after all she had been through in under an hour was ridiculous. She was certainly tough and judging by the unfamiliar magic in the air she had alot of magical potential too.

Offering a hand to help Rio of the ground Agatha asked, "what happened?"

Keeping hold of Agatha's hand Rio shook her head, emotion clear in her voice, everything she shoved down to be strong for the child now showing. "She was alone. Her mother was gone and she would've been too, couldn't just leave her there. I'm sorry it's just, she, she reminded me so much of him."

Her eyes softening Agatha put her free hand to Rio's cheek, gently brushing her hair out of her face "shh, shh. There's no need to apologise." Stroking her thumb over her cheeks Agatha comforted her wife, "you did the right thing."

"I didn't even ask you-"

Hushing Rio, Agatha spoke again "You didn't have to."

Rio smiled at Agatha, starting at her theough watery eyes, all of the emotions of the day starting to catch up to her. She was so grateful to have Agatha here, she was so understanding, so gentle, Rio truly didn't know what she would do without her.

Stepping closer Agatha finally brought Rio into a soft kiss, her other hand coming up to her face while Rios own instinctively wrap around Agatha's waist.

Slowly breaking the kiss, their foreheads still touching Agatha quietly speaks, "We'll look after her."

[beansnsoup]

Picture You

Summary: After your fight, Vi finally reaches out to you about making things better, but your only question is if things will be the same between the two of you again, and if she sees you how you see her.

Relationship: Platonic (For now)

Character: Vi (Arcane)

Warnings: Angst, sexual undertones??, fluff?, fem reader, lmk if there's anything else I should add.

Part one

It had been 2 days since Vi asked to speak to you, it's not that you didn't want to go see her, because you did, but you just had a gut feeling it wasn't right.

You tried so hard to be what she wanted but to find out she was talking to someone else the whole time she was sleeping with you.

Even though you hated to admit it was her using you, you knew deep down that is what it had to be.

You also couldn't stop thinking about Caitlyn, you had an idea that would conjure up from time to time wondering if you should reach out her, but you couldn't even think of what you would ever say to her.

Powder knew Vi had asked you to come over and talk, but she didn't pressure you into going over and neither did Vi. She hadn't texted you again since her proposal, you think she had assumed by this point that you weren't coming.

Maybe closure would be good, just go over and pretend nothing ever happened, yet at the same time you didn't just want to be her toy. Plus, pretending something never happened would just give her even more of an upper hand than she already had.

You let out a sigh and grabbed your keys, making your way out to your car, where you sat for about 20 minutes thinking about what you were going to say to her.

Your foot finally presses the gas, and you get on your way to Vi's apartment, on the way there you kept assuring yourself that everything was going to be okay, and this would be something the two of you would laugh at in the future.

The wheels of your car turn into the parking garage on her complex, this time you didn't hesitate, you shut off the engine and walked off to the elevator taking you up to the lobby.

This is when the negative thoughts started to pour in again, what if Caitlyn was there? Waiting to tell you how in love her and Vi are and that they never want to see you again.

You felt like you were going to throw up, this made you feel so pathetic, that one singular person was making you feel this hopeless without even trying.

Once you finally reached her door you stood there for a moment, procrastinating more and more.

Without giving it another thought you knocked on the door, before your mind could stop you again.

It took a bit for Vi to reach the door, your overthinking kept getting the best of you, you considered the fact that she probably had someone else behind that door and was hiding her before she'd open the door for you.

However, unbeknownst to you, she was sat near the door, trying to calm herself as she stared at you through the peep hole

She had been just as worried about this meeting as you had been.

When she finally opened the door all the two of you could do was just look at each other, "Do you want to come in?" Vi finally broke the silence you both had built up.

You sheepishly nod your head; you didn't know why you were so scared for this confrontation.

Maybe it was the fact that you gave her an almost full love confession.

You sit down on one of the stools in the kitchen and sigh, looking around and taking it all in.

"How are things with Caitlyn?"

She's taken aback by your question, and if you're being honest so were you.

"Oh, um..."

"Are you guys officially a thing now?"

"Not exactly."

You roll your eyes, "Is she my replacement?"

"Of course not."

She said it more calmly than you would've liked. It sounded like you weren't much to fight for. This is when you felt your body take over, lifting from the seat and speaking without thinking,

"This is great, really. I tell you how much you mean to me while you're off with some other chick! Did you go off with her after I left that day? Vi do you even care?"

"No! I didn't! I called her a while after you left to tell her I needed time to myself, and before I texted you to come talk to me, I let her know that I had feelings for someone else!"

You stood there just looking right back at her, completely dumbfounded.

"And yes, I do care, a lot actually."

This is when you avert your gaze, not being able to take in everything that was just disclosed.

She walks up to you, taking your face in her hands, "Baby, please look at me."

Tears start to stream down your face when you finally choke up words, "Did you care then? Did you care when I was over here in your bed every night?"

Vi just continues to look at you, wiping away your tears with her thumbs, "Please Vi, answer me."

"I was scared."

"Scared?"

Out of all people, you would never take Vi to be a person that'd would be scared of confrontation. The whole time you knew her she was always willing to say something without even thinking.

"I was scared that if I told you I wanted something more, you would leave, and I was so blind that I couldn't tell that you wanted the same thing. I only started talking to Caitlyn to get over you, and I only still slept with you because I thought that's what you wanted."

None of this was clicking in your head. All you could think about was how defensive she had been that night and quick to get you off her case.

But at the same time, you were thinking it didn't matter because you pretty much had her finally where you wanted her.

You were quick to close the small gap between you two, interlocking your lips for what seemed like the millionth time but also the first, because this time meant something.

She finally pulls away, catching her breath while running her fingers through your hair,

"You're amazing."

You give her a smile in return, putting your head in the crook of her neck.

This was all it ever took. All you both needed was to argue and figure things out.

You finally have her.

After all of these mixed signals, and all of the past lovers, she was finally yours to be with, it was your turn to be happy.

"Don't ever leave me again." She warns, hand still caressing your head.

"I don't plan on leaving any time soon, or ever."

It's finally done and I feel like it sucks 😭 but I'd still like to thank everyone for the support they've given on this fic, it means sm to me!! 🫶🏻

[aggieharkness]

would you do a story with lilia calderu maybe surrounding substance misuse? like maybe hiding it from her? you can decide the details of it all

Survivor

Pairing: Lilia Calderu x reader

Summary: It is said that time heals but you hadn't believed it at all, the dark thoughts crushing you once again, drawing you into a past that you wanted to run away from. You had felt so alone. But she took your hands and steadied you, guided you to the light. Perhaps time didn't heal, but you were sure Lilia did

Warnings: substance misuse, mention of drugs, mention of alcohol, alcoholism, past abuse, past child abuse, bullying, implied suicide. I'm sorry if I've forgotten any warnings.

Authors note: I'm sorry it took me a bit longer to post, but I hope that this story is what you were expecting and that if it hits close to home that it helps you heal and move forward. Some of the experiences are real and are my own, so please, be kind. If there is anything at all that you don't like, tell me and I'll change it, or if you want something else, I'm here. Thanks for the request, btw.

Special thanks to @renafisher27 for checking part of it. Love you girl!

Survivor

You were two hours late. Lilia glanced at the clock on the wall, the thin black hands staring back at her, telling her that you were not going to come. The table had been set, a beautiful rose in the middle of it surrounded by candles, a delicious meal in the oven that had turned cold a while ago, the smell lingering in the air. You had promised you would come to her tonight, that you would spend a quiet evening together, you had sworn you would be there, but alas, the house was empty except for the silence that dressed Lilia’s sorrow. She had thought you cared about her, she had let herself believe you cared about her, but it was obvious that you did not, or at least not enough to think that this entire date might be important to her, that you were important to her. She felt anger rising on her chest as the clock struck nine, and in a gust of fury she stood from her chair and stomped towards the front door, grabbing her shawl and purse. She didn’t bother to blow the candles, her magic sparkled incessantly in between her fingers making the lights flicker and the flames vanish into nothing, thin threads of smoke rising up in the air in rivulets.

You lived next door, literally a door down from her, which made things even worse as Lilia, in a beautiful dark grey dress with spaghetti straps, rushed down the street, her gown brushing the dirty pavement as her heels made loud footsteps until she stood before your building. The lock was broken, and no one had bothered to fix it yet, so she pushed the gates, the metal of the door banging and bouncing against the wall, the loud sound echoing out into the street, but she didn’t care, she had a mission, and she was going to tell you exactly what she thought of your behaviour. But upon reaching your door she stopped. What if you were not there? What if you had been in a terrible accident and had hurt yourself? What if you had… died? She began to spiral into this sea of what ifs, images clouding her mind as her feet paced from one side of the empty hallway to the other. If it had indeed happened, why hadn’t she seen it, she should have seen your demise, no one she had ever cared about hadn’t passed without her not having seen it first. Maybe you had not gone to her house because you were working late, had she even asked you at what time did you get out today?

Noises coming from the other side of the door woke her up from her spiralling, the sounds calming her racing heart. You were home. Wait, you were home! She felt the anger spiking again, only muffled by the fact that you were alive, but that did not stop her from using her spare key and barging in. Now this was something she had not expected. All the lights were off, not even the streetlights could be seen coming from the windows, it was as if she had walked into a deep dark tunnel, and the simple feeling that she got as she stepped inside made her shiver on the spot. Something was wrong, she could sense it, but she could not figure out what it was as she traded careful over the carpet, the door left ajar so a little bit of light could come in. The entire apartment was quiet, the noises she had just heard faint memories by then, her breathing and her own blood pumping through her veins, the only sounds that her ears could hear. Upon reaching the intersection between the kitchen and the living room her foot kicked something. It was cold to the touch of her bare toes, and it seemed to be cylindrical, her eyes fighting to get a better view of the object as she pushed it from under her dress. How odd, what was an empty bottle of vodka doing on the floor?

She had never seen you drink, not even when you two went out on dates, no, you always choose water or juices, maybe a hot chocolate if it was a breakfast date, but never ever alcohol. Had you… had you brought someone home? She could not bare the thought of you doing something like that to her, her heart breaking slightly at the possibility that you had cheated on her. There she had been, at home, waiting like a fool for you to rush into her arms only to find out that there might be someone other than her holding you in bed, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. Someone loving you like she did. She was letting her mind wander once again, and she could not afford it, she had to find you, so she forced herself to breath deeply, letting those thoughts be pushed to the back of her mind, after all it was only an empty bottle on the floor, it could mean literally anything. She lifted herself off the floor, the bottle in her hand as she stepped into the living room. It was even darker, the windows blocked by something, but how was she supposed to make her way towards them if she could not see what was two inches in front of her? This is how people die in horror movies, she thought.

Each step took her closer to a big object she could sort of make out the shape off, crashing into it after a moment, nearly bending over what she realised was the couch. Okay, she had to see, a freaking vampire could come out of any corner at any minute, and she’d be dammed if she was going to fight one in the dark. It had happened before, and it had not been a pleasant experience. With a snap of her fingers a tiny little bulb of yellow light brightened the room, a sigh of relief puffing out as she was finally able to see, but what her eyes came across with as she took in the room was far from what she had expected. The couch had clothes spread all over it, whether they were clean or not she could not tell, but there was certainly this thick odour that resembled that of a closed house, as if you had not bothered to ventilate in weeks. You had not spent that much time down at her place, this wasn’t something related to you sleeping with her, it ran deeper, she could feel it in her bones. Rounding the couch, she saw containers of different takeaways laying over the coffee table, rotting food inside, though the smell had not yet spread throughout the room.

Alarms had begun to go in her head the instant she had stepped into your house, but now she could have almost lit up like a Christmas trees had she had warning lights. This, whatever it was, was very very wrong, more bottles laying in between blankets and under the couch and tables, her eyes finally seeing that there were cardboards against the windows so no light would come in. Why would you do that? You loved the sunlight, you adored walking with her in the park, down in the woods, any place Lilia desired, she could not comprehend why you would run away from it now. A sound came from the other side of the apartment, startling her to the point that she almost tripped with a bag that you had left in the middle of the floor, making her turn her body towards the source of the noise and begin walking in slow steps. It had to be you, unless it was a thief, or worse, a murderer; Divine Mother, she needed to stop doing this to herself, she was going to give herself a heart attack one of these days. Reaching the foyer again the light from her fingers showed that your bedroom was right across the hall, the door ajar, a gentle blue light coming from under it as the noises got louder until suddenly, she heard your voice. It was quiet, and she could not understand very well what you were saying, but she picked up on the hurt tone that tainted them. Carefully she pushed it open until she could finally see you.

This room was the worst out of the entire house. There weren’t only bottles spread all throughout the floor, desk and nightstands, but packets of beers and premade cocktails laying over the ruined carpet, clothes and trash everywhere. Lilia flicked the switch so the lamp above your head would light up the room instead of the screen of your phone, but nothing happened, the motion making you turn your head over your shoulders from the spot you had on your bed, your back to the door. What was Lilia doing there? Was the alcohol making you see things? It wasn’t supposed to do that, the drugs were, but you hadn’t taken any, yet. Shit, you had forgotten about the date. Looking up at her you were waiting for the moment she would start screaming at you, telling you how utterly disgusting you looked and how disappointed she was, but it never came, she could only stare dumbfounded at you, your eyes raking over her beautiful dress and tidy curls to the bottle of vodka that she had in her hand. Lilia could not even begin to process the way you were looking at her, like a child who was waiting to be scolded, to be yelled at, your make up smeared all over your cheeks and chin, splatters of alcohol staining your clothes, a notebook in front of your crossed legs, a bag with a white powder resting over your left knee. Oh, Divine Mother, you were… no… you couldn’t be. Your hoarse voice and slurred words reached her ears, but it was the terrified tone what hit her heart as if it had just been run over by a train.

-Get out! You are not supposed to be here!

-Y/N

-NO! I CAN’T DO THIS WITH YOU HERE!

-Do what? – you had never raised your voice at her, in nearly a year of being with her the most she had heard you scream was one time when you had almost burnt yourself as you were pulling out a roasted chicken from the oven. That had been a funny little moment, but this was far from that, this was bad, really bad, and Lilia found herself dropping the empty bottle on a chair and walking to your side as slowly as possible, kneeling gently in front of you. Her hands itched to take yours but you were holding onto your hoody with such strength that it was making your knuckles white. - Y/N, please, tell me what’s wrong.

-I can’t. Please, Lilia, please, go away. This is not… I’m not… You are not supposed to see this. GO HOME!

-Y/N.

Suddenly your phone rang, the ringtone loud and shrilling in your ears, the name of some woman appearing on the screen. You growled at the sight, picking it up and motioning your arm as to throw it against the wall, but Lilia’s warm hand stopped you, wrapping around your wrist and pulling it down gently, your fingers letting go of the phone until it fell with a thud over the mattress. You stared up at her, the tears that had stopped falling about ten minutes ago returning in earnest, those big doe eyes of hers watching you as if you were something broken. You could not fight it, you were. The horrid sound carried on until you slid your finger over the green sign to answer it, the sound of a woman’s voice filling up the space after you tapped on the speaker symbol. If this is how things were going to come out, if Lilia was going to learn the truth tonight, might as well do it right.

-Oh, so now you answer the phone!

-Please, stop calling mom. I can’t do this, not again.

-Is this how you speak to me?! You owe me your life you ungrateful bitch! I put a stop to my own to raise you, you owe me Y/N.

-I don’t owe you shit! – you turned your body away from Lilia’s touch, unsure of how you were going to react all throughout the conversation; you didn’t want her to get hurt, she did not deserve to end up in harm’s way because of your messy life. - Every time you call is to ask for money or to insult me and degrade me and I can’t do it! I was clean mom, for a fucking year; I was doing great and then you had to come back! WHY?!

-DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE SCREAM AT ME! IT’S YOUR OWN FAULT THAT YOU’VE FALLEN BACK INTO DRINKING. YOU ARE WEAK, USELESS!

-STOP! FOR FUCK’S SAKES STOP! YOU LEFT ME ALONE FOR A YEAR, ONE WHOLE ASS YEAR AND I GOT CLEAN! WHY HAVE YOU COME BACK?!

-IF THIS IS HOW YOU ARE GOING TO BEHAVE, IF THIS IS HOW UNGRATEFUL YOU STILL ARE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED WHEN YOU HAD THAT OVERDOSE TWO YEARS AGO!

The silence that followed was fucking deafening, your limbs feeling like lead as her words stabbed you deep, the phone slipping from your fingers until it landed on the bed, so very deep that you grabbed the closest bottle, whiskey Lilia saw, and brought it to your lips, but she was faster and pushed it away, fighting with you to take it from your hands until it slipped onto the floor, crashing against the wood, the amber liquid spreading and staining the edge of the carpet. The only thing you wanted to do was crawl into a ball and wait until death claimed you. You hurt too much; you felt exactly like your mother had said, weak, useless, a fucking failure and Lilia was now there to see the real you when you had fought so hard to hide all this from her. She didn’t deserve someone as broken as you, you thought, the phone forgotten at the foot of the bed as your mother kept talking, berating you. She had never stopped, since the moment you had been placed in her arms you had been a mistake, an accident that should have never happened, and both her and life had never stopped reminding you. The only person that had cared for you simply because had been Lilia, and now she would run away like all of them had done before her. You could not do this, you just couldn’t, your face hidden into your pillow as you cried, hands over your ears to drown out your mother’s voice.

-Listen here lady, - Lilia stepped in then, picking up your phone and bring it to close to her lips, her voice clear and hard, so cold that if you had been at the receiving end, you would have felt a shiver running down your spine. This was clearly a recuring event in your life, one you had never mentioned, but that wasn’t important right now, the main thing was to get your mother to shut up. - I don’t know who you are, but I can tell you one thing. Y/N is not weak, or useless or any of the many things you’ve called her, she’s the most wonderful woman I have ever met.

-Who the hell are you? Y/N, are you still there? Who the fuck am I talking to?!

-I’m her girlfriend and you need to…

-Oh, so you are trying to ruin someone else now? Great job Y/n, fucking fantastic. Are you going to call me again crying “mommy mommy, they’ve stolen from me, they’ve broken my heart” like the fucking pathetic idiot you are?!

-I will not tolerate this talk from you lady! I don’t know who the hell you think you might be, but you have no right to speak to Y/N this way. You are supposed to be the most important person in her life, the one she can trust, and you are failing at that. Maybe Y/N is not be faulted for what you have driven her to do! She’s not weak, she’s not a failure, she has survived you, and that says plenty. If you had acted as a mother when you were supposed to, she would not be like this now!

-Who the fuck…

-I’M TALKING AND YOU WILL WAIT UNTIL I’M DONE! – the other woman fell silent, stunned at the other end of the phone, probably unused to someone actually having the balls to tell her to keep her mouth shut, but Lilia was on a roll, and she keep talking without even noticing. - You have no right to say to her that she should have died when she was at rock bottom, and she needed you! So how about you say what you phoned her for, and we can all end this before we say things that we will fully regret.

-Well… Now she has a defender. This is new. I’ll tell you what’s going to happen lady, she’s going to go back to doing drugs and to drinking when life doesn’t handle her things on a silver plate and drag you down with her. She’s always been a spoiled brat, and she will remain being so.

-THAT’S NOT TRUE! – you jolted from your spot to kneel in front of Lilia, snatching the phone from her hand, your face red from crying, your voice so loud that you were sure your neighbours would come down in a minute and reprimand you. -YOU NEVER GAVE ME SHIT; I HAD TO GO TO THE NEIGHBOURS HOUSE TO GET FOOD AND RIDES TO SCHOOL BECAUSE YOU WEREN’T THERE! WHEN I BROKE MY ARM YOU MADE ME GO TO SCHOOL WITH A FUCKING STICK TIED TO A BEDSHEET BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T WANT TO TAKE ME TO THE DOCTORS!

-HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE LIES! THAT’S WHAT YOUR TEACHERS ALWAYS USE TO SAY; YOU LIED TO GET OUT OF DETENTION BECAUSE YOU COULD NOT FACE THE CONSEQUENCES TO YOUR ACTIONS!

-I WAS CHASED OUT OF THE FUCKING DINNING HALL AND THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE FUCKING KILLED!! IT WASN’T MY FAULT! NONE OF THIS WAS! WHY WON’T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME?!

-LIARS DON’T DESERVE TO BE HEARD! YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF!

The scream that tore out of your throat was so raw, so full of pain that it felt as if you were tearing it out of your chest, maybe you were ripping it out of your broken and smashed heart. This was why you had poured everything that had ever happened to you into drugs and alcohol, they made you numb, they made you forget, they killed you at a faster rate, but tonight the four bottles of vodka, tequila and whiskey didn’t seem to have the desired effect, quite the opposite, everything felt worse, a thousand times worse. Your mother’s words had cut deep, so fucking deep that you were nearly bleeding into your mattress, the phone forgotten somewhere over the carpet as you had throwing it against the floor, your hands grabbing your hair and pulling hard as if that could make the pain lessen. You could not hear anything but you own sobs, breaths hurried to the point that you were sure you would hyperventilate in a moment if you didn’t control it soon, but how could you with how the world was crushing down around you once more.

You had spent your entire life telling everyone around you the things that people had done to you, of the abuse, of the lies, the deceit, the injuries, everything, and they all had had one thing in common; oh, your poor mother must have felt awful, they said. What a fucking bunch of assholes you had thought. No one had ever asked how YOU were doing, if you were over it, if it still hurt, if it caused you problems. No on cared about you and you just couldn’t handle it, not anymore. You had been labelled a liar for as long as you could remember, everything was your fault; when that boy had smashed a rock on your head, it had been your fault, when you had been pushed down the stairs, you had been at fault as well, when your teachers had pulled you out of your classroom and had yelled at you that you were crazy and that you would become a criminal by the time you were eighteen, blowing up cars and such, you had cried and you yourself had thought, this is my fault as well. Lilia could not bring herself to say anything, she turned your phone to see that the screen was cracked, but the call had ended, thankfully, and she simply picked it up and placed it on the nightstand before turning her attention to you, her shawl and purse resting on the carpet.

She moved her hands slowly up to your arms, but the instant her fingers rested on your wrists you moved away quickly, crawling hurriedly to the edge of the bed until your hands were on the floor, rushing the nearest corner. She knew you were scared, that you were in pain, she wasn’t a stranger to all those feelings, but she had never known that you were experiencing them so strongly. She sighed and stood, rounding the bed and making her way to you, sitting in front of your shaky form. All those bottles she had seen couldn’t be from today, you had gone back to drinking, but why? Was it all your mother, was it something else, a mix of circumstances that you could not have prevented? There were so many questions that she needed answers to, but you were in no position to give them to her, and her priority wasn’t getting them, but making sure that you were alright. She sat a bit closer, her knees nearly touching yours, but she remained at a certain distance to give you space should you need it.

-May I… May I touch you Y/N? – you lifted your head from where it was hidden in your arms, tears running down your cheeks, face puffed and red. Why was she still here? Did she like seeing you run down? Others had thrived in seeing you crying, destroyed on the floor, they had loved to see you as a shell of yourself. Your eyes locked with hers, but you didn’t see any of that happiness and power the others had had, she was looking at you with worry, with a caring aura about her that took you by surprise.

-Why are you here?

-I was worried about you. Actually, I was angry thinking you had forgotten about me and our date.

-I… I did. I’m sorry, I messed everything up. – you crawled back into yourself a little, breaking her gaze and looking down at the floor, ashamed.

-You did not.

-You don’t have to lie to me, I know I did. You probably had something awesome prepared, and I did not go because I was too busy fucking up my life again.

-If you say that you’ve been clean for a year, why did you go back to all this?

-Because she called. – she barely heard the words you had whispered, your head practically tucked into your chest and arms. With careful movements Lilia tried her luck once more, placing her hand on your wrist, smiling a bit as you didn’t pull away, the warmth of her skin over yours a contrast with the coolness of your room. Why was she being so nice to you? Did she pity you? It wouldn’t be the first time someone had taken advantage of you because they made you believe they cared only to pity you and your disaster of a life. Your body did not fight her when tenderly she took you in her arms, sitting with her back against the wall and you on her lap. She smelled so nice, so much like home, and you held onto the straps of her dress as if they were lifelines, saving you from a deep abyss that was calling out your name.

-When was the first time she called?

-A couple of weeks ago.

-Do you want to tell me why?

-Money. She only ever calls for money. – Lilia cradled your head closer to her chest, and though she knew it wouldn’t take away your pain perhaps she could dimmish it as best she could, but to get to that point she knew you both had to cross a very dangerous bridge. – She’s always been like that, taking it all as soon as I started working when I was sixteen just so she could spoil her stupid boyfriends. I couldn’t even pay for college. I had been saving for like three years to go to community college and she took it. She took it all, didn’t even leave a cent because her fucking boyfriend wanted to go to Hawaii!

-But this time you didn’t give in and she’s mad, right?

-I didn’t give in to her but… I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

-Darling, I know it hurts; I know you feel ashamed, but things won’t get better unless you share this with me. You know I love you and I won’t ever judge you for what you might have done, for how you learnt to cope with it all. – tears were still running down your cheeks, but she did not care, she tilted your head until your puffy red eyes were staring back at her brown deep ones, her voice quiet and loving as she spoke to you. - Talk to me Y/N.

-You will think me a stupid kid, like the rest of them. You will side with my mum and when I’m done you will say that I overreacted and that I let myself fall into this because I didn’t grow up. I don’t want to see that from you Lilia. – you had begun to slip from her arms to try and gain as much distance from her as possible knowing that your heart couldn’t take it if she dumped you. She had meant so much to you, she still did, and you honestly thought that she would always be the most important person that had ever entered your life, but her touch was hard and yet tender, and she didn’t let you move more than just a few inches from her grasp.

-Hey, have I ever left you alone when you were down, when you were having a bad day at work or when you were just simply feeling bad about yourself?

-No.

-Then what makes you think that I will now? I’m not like other people, I know how it feels to be abandoned, to not know what to do with yourself when the pain is all consuming. I’m not going anywhere.

-I don’t think I can do this Lilia. I don’t have the strength.

-Then let me be strong for you. You need to let it out before you can begin to heal, as painful as it may be.  

There was truth is every word she spoke, in the way her eyes glinted under the light that was coming from her fingers, the yellow glow reflecting on her peppery curls and olive kissed skin as she caressed your cheeks. You had been to therapist after therapist since the age of eight, and yeah, they had heard you but they had never listened, they had never ever done shit for you, and yet, looking up at Lilia in the darkness of your room, protected and safe in her embrace, somehow you felt as if she could solve all the problems in the universe, as if she was your before and after that could heal and pull you out of this horrible mess you had found yourself in. Your mouth opened several times, but nothing came out. You just didn’t know where to start, how much to tell her, what might be too much, it had been years since you had shared your darkest thoughts with anyone. Looking down at your hands as they rubbed the skin of Lilia’s fingers you saw the ring you had gifted her on her birthday. It wasn’t expensive or exclusive, it was a very simple thing you had found in a small shop with a beautiful deep yellow stone mounted on a thin golden ring. She had never taken it off in all that time, not even once, and as your fingertips brushed over it you made the jump, praying that this was the right thing to do.

-It all stared when I was really young. She wasn’t a good mother; she would always leave me to fend for myself while she went out or to work. The first time was when I was two and it’s a miracle I didn’t die, but I suppose I was a smart kid, and the neighbours knew just how shitty she was and how she behaved, so they helped out. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t have what others did, why my mum didn’t seem to love me. I never had Christmas gifts or birthdays; the party you threw for me was the first one I had ever had. – Lilia could not believe what she was hearing. You had never celebrated your birthday, you had never ever been celebrated in your entire life? She could understand that for herself, she was well past four hundred years old, but you? You were barely in your twenties, you were a baby compared to her, you deserved to have someone show you just how much you meant to them, to party and be happy with useless gifts being given to you and cake and kisses, but she had been the only one to show you? It made sense now why you had looked at her unsure of what you were supposed to do. – I was a confused child that didn’t understand why I was always pushed to a corner and forgotten there. Things only got worse when I began school. They hated me, they didn’t even bother to get to know me before they started insulting me and bullying me. I remember one time, when I was four, how I was sitting on the playground and a boy crossed the whole thing, and it was like maybe fifteen or twenty feet, until he stood before me with a big piece of concrete in his hand and smashed it on the side of my head. I remember seeing partially black with my left eye and just how like in movies, when you see this circle that starts getting smaller and smaller until everything’s black? – you felt Lilia nod her head from where it rested on top of your messy hair, her hands rubbing soothing patterns on your legs. - I got knocked out and I know I was bleeding like a pig, but the school told my mother that it had been just a scratch, and that blood was always just so scandalous, but she didn’t even care. I could have bleed to my death, and she would have been perfectly alright with it. I was always being thrown out of class and the school was always calling her for every little fuck up I did. She was always so pissed when I got home, sometimes she would leave me in the laundry room, locked away so she wouldn’t have to hear me crying when I came home with bruises, trying to find comfort in her. Things never got easier or better.

-You… you said something before, that you were chased? Was that in that same school?

-Yeah, she wouldn’t even consider sending me to a different district, it would have been to much of a hassle for her. It happened… I… This one’s hard, Lilia.

-Take your time, darling, I promise I’m not going anywhere. – you took a deep breath, sensing how the terror you had felt back then was returning. Every time you thought about it, whenever you let the memories plague you and overrun your mind you felt the fear taking over, your grasp on Lilia’s hand harder, nails nearly digging onto her skin.  

-I was like nine, I think. I had just finished lunch, and I was leaving my tray when I saw three boys from my classroom following me outside. I didn’t think anything at first but when I turned left, and they followed I began to get nervous. It wouldn’t have been the first time they had followed me until I started running, leaving me to look like an idiot around the playground but… this time they started running as well. My legs burnt and my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to explode but I couldn’t stop running, I felt it in my bones that I was going to get hurt, if not killed, if I stopped. I was beyond terrified, running all over school grounds screaming for help, but no one came. They never did. It wasn’t until the bell rang and they rushed to get to class that I could finally stop, kneeling on the hard ground, crying in terror. I truly believed I would go home in a black bag that day, and the worst thing was that I knew my mother would never shed a tear. When I got to class, shaking like a leaf I was reprimanded by the teacher for being late, and when I tried to explain what had happened, she yelled at me for talking back and threw me out. If the teacher didn’t believe me, how was I supposed to tell my mother? But I did anyway, and she laughed. I thought I was going to fucking die and she laughed.

-Oh, Y/N.

-Don’t pity me, please. – you hid your face in her chest, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at her, you just knew she was looking at you as if you were a broken thing, and that coming from her would kill you. Your tears soaked the neckline of her dress, the hand that was still holding onto her gown pulling her closer, making yourself as small as you could in her arms, knees pressed against your chest. - I can’t take it, it’s been two decades, and I still can’t take it, I can’t move on.

-I know, darling, I know. It’s hard when you’ve been on your own for so long.

-I nearly killed myself. I was so ashamed when I failed, thinking that perhaps I deserved all the horrible things that were happening. Everyone just kept telling me that it was my fault, on a loop, over and over and over, and in the end, I believed it. But I was a coward, I couldn’t end it all, I couldn’t go through with it and the only way I found that I could numb the pain was with drugs and alcohol.

-When was the first time you did it?

-The drugs or the alcohol?

-Either of them? Both?

-I had weed first. It was harmless, I felt good but then things would crush around me when I got down, and I hated the feeling, so I started drinking. It was easier, cheaper as well, and I could do it at home, in school, it didn’t matter, I would not remember what had happened and that made feel as if my life was normal, as if there was no abuse, no pain, no broken bones or screams ringing in my ears. I was sixteen when I was able to buy with a fake ID as much bottles as I wanted, and it was also the first time I got so drunk that I passed out on the street until the next morning, when the police took me home. My mother did the performance of her life showing herself as a worried perfect mother, but as soon as the door closed, she beat the shit out of me. I had spent her money, that’s all she fucking said.

-You could have died Y/N.

-Don’t you think I knew? Sometimes I think that I was trying to kill myself this way, so I wouldn’t have to face the shame of actually having to shoot myself or jump out of a window. It was stupid, but I couldn’t stop. Drinks helped move everything along, until they felt passive, as if they weren’t cutting for me anymore so I started with the drugs. Whatever I could do, cocaine, heroin, weed again. I took things that I didn’t even knew the name of, getting so high that the world seemed bearable again, like a walk in the park, but my grades were slipping, and the teachers were beyond cruel, making sure I knew I was failure. So, I tried to get clean when I was eighteen, started saving for college and all that, but the relapses just kept happening, over and over and then mum threw me out. I didn’t have a penny to my name, I almost lost my job, all I had was the drinks and the drugs, so I gave up. I went down the rabbit hole and I couldn’t get out; I didn’t want to get out. She would show up all the fucking time though, it didn’t matter if I changed my number or if I moved apartments, she would call me and find me and every little thing I had improved on she would just destroy it. When I set foot in your shop, I was looking for a reason to overdose again, I was hoping you would say something that would make think that I was done, but you didn’t.

-I could see your pain, I could see that you were lost, I wanted to help you. I wanted to guide you in the right direction, and so did the cards. I could see your kind soul, no matter what you have done.

-You say that now, but I have done things that you wouldn’t like, at all. I tried to steal phones, I tried to steal money, I tried to hurt people to make them feel the same pain they were inflicting on me.

-Didn’t you notice the key word, dear?

-Key word? – had you ever got to tell anyone so much about yourself? You couldn’t recall when it had been the last time someone had actually actively listened to your every word without judging, without telling you that you had been weak. You were unused to this. Lilia was still cradling you in her arms, only releasing you when you turned around to face her, silent tears still falling down your cheeks, but her eyes didn’t look at you with the pity you had expected, there was only love and comfort in those deep chocolate windows from which you could see her soul, her thoughts almost.  

-Tried, which means that you never truly did all those things. You felt like you needed to, but something stopped you. What?

-If I did it, I would have been blamed, found out because it did not matter what was going on, I was always the first one to be blamed for everything. It would not hurt them, it would be slightly inconveniences that they would move on from while I would still be there, getting high to deal with their abuse. I was already suffering, why add more?

-That says something about you.

-That I’m dumb?

-That you are still kind. You saw that that it would only hurt yourself and instead of doing something worse you took a step back to protect yourself, to not add more pain to your life. You still cared enough to not let them turn you into something that you are not.

-But what am I? Who am I? – there was this pressure on your chest, this heaviness in the words you were both speaking that made a lump form on your throat, a brand-new batch of tears clouding your vision, the hot crystal drops burning your skin as they fell, but they didn’t get past your nose before Lilia’s thumbs were wiping them.

-You are Y/N, a kind, gentle woman that loves to sneak into my kitchen and take my cookies when they’ve come out right out of the oven, who loves to walk with me down at the park, who kisses me when my visions get really bad and cuddles me when I’m feeling down. You are the most remarkable person I have ever met, and nothing that those people have ever said it’s true, not a single word.

-How do you know?

-Because in all this time that you’ve been with me, you were clean.

She had looked at you that night as if she had held every answer to questions you hadn’t even thought about, things that would crush you under their truth and you hadn’t been able to move past what she had said to you. When you had entered her shop you had wanted to die more than anything in the world, your life was going nowhere and you had no reason why you should get clean, but she had changed it all when she had taken your hands and sat you down at her little table. Lilia had taken your broken pieces and had started glueing them together, with gold showing from your cracks because you past didn’t define you, but it helped you become the person you were supposed to be. It had shaped you; it had pushed you to the ground and had placed a foot on your throat until the right person had come into your life, someone who with her tender hands had steadied you, had shown you the way and had pulled out from the dark tunnel you had been thrown in. Falling in love with her had been so easy, so right and comfortable and it had happened without either of you noticing. You couldn’t even remember when something that had been nothing had become something until it meant everything.

She had become your world, and this witch that sometimes had this gaps and visions, that loved to have a midnight snack while watching reruns of Murder She Wrote and who held your hand whenever she could, deserved more than the you that had been back then. The first night you had met her you had stayed away from your apartment, sleeping on her couch, wondering the next morning when it had been the last time you had woken up remembering what had happened the night before, thinking that watching her smile as she busied herself with some tea and toasts, that kind smile gracing her lips whenever she looked at you over her shoulder, would be a lovely sight to wake up to. When you had returned home, she had plagued your mind, her words echoing in your brain, but you hadn’t had the strength to let go of all the things you had become so accustomed to. The alcohol remined in your cupboard for three days, and the bags of heroin and cocaine in your nightstand for a week before you built the courage to start afresh. Lilia deserved a person who could enjoy life beside her, who would remember her the next day, who would not go missing for days to get drunk and high under a bridge or in the middle of a park, and it was clear that she wanted that person to be you. It was harder than ever before, the temptation to fall back into it all came from every corner, but you would not give in, you had made up your mind about it, and you would never let Lilia know that you had this problem, you couldn’t risk losing her if she found out about it all. And yet here you two were, back at the beginning and at the same time feeling like you had come so far.

-But I lied to you. I kept all this hidden away and now it has exploded in my face. I’m weak Lilia.

-No, you are not. – her hands took hold of your head gently, forcing you to look at her square in the face, determination written all over her lovely features. – You are the strongest person I’ve ever known, you are a fighter, a survivor. The things you have gone through I cannot imagine them, but the fact that you are still here speaks volumes. I won’t lie to you, knowing that you’ve kept this from me hurts, it makes me think that you didn’t trust me enough, but I understand now why you felt like you couldn’t tell me. You’ve been deceived far too many times, but I promise you, love, never again. You and I will get through this, together.

-I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.

-Don’t apologise, there’s no need. You’ve been apologising for existing your entire life, and it is about time that the world apologised to you. I’m sorry Y/N, for not seeing that your pain was far greater than what I thought. I’m sorry that you didn’t have someone to lean on, to cry to, to find comfort in. I’m sorry that all those adults that were supposed to protect you, failed you and drove you to the edge.

-But you didn’t do it, why are you sorry?

-Because you need to hear it. You need to know that it was never you, it was everybody else. You were a kid, and they didn’t let you be one, and then you were a teenager, and you weren’t allowed that either, but now you are an adult, and you are not alone. You can be whoever you want, and I will be here until the very end.

-I want to be who you deserve. I want to go out on dates with you, I want to watch films and make you laugh and not worry about my mother or anybody else except for you. I want to go out and look at the sky and remember it, I want to feel love and hurt and pain and happiness and not numb it all, because that’s life and I want to experience it to the best of my abilities. I want to recover, Lilia.

-Then we will start by blocking your mother’s number and deleting it. – the phone was perhaps a foot from you, but you could not bring yourself to reach for it, the first doubts already filling your head, but Lilia was there, and she bent her body over the floor to grab it, moving you along with her, unblocking it and tapping on the three dots that showed up on the right, a popup showing the dreading words “Block” and a bin saying “Delete”. Your arms felt like lead as you tried to lift them. You had done this more than twenty times before, why couldn’t you now?! It was frustrating to feel like this. Lilia could see the fight happening through your eyes, only a few silent tears still falling down your cheeks every once in a while, and since you seemed unable to take the step, she made the decision for you, grabbing you hand and placing your index finger hovering over the bright screen, her touch leaving you until it was your own hand alone a few inches from your future. – I can’t do it for you, Y/N, better yet, I won’t. If you really want to recover you must make these decisions of your own free will. And sometimes we need to cut ties so we can cross the bridge.

So you could cross the bridge. Yeah, you had been swaying over a broken-down bridge all your life, and behind you was all the things that you were so desperate to get away from, before you Lilia awaited with a bright light, no, with blue skies and sunlight all around her. The pad of you fingers tapped on the block, accepting the next step before deleting all her calls from your log. A weight had lifted from your chest, and even though you felt a slight sadness you knew that the happiness that you were going to build with your own two hands would be the most rewarding thing you had ever done in your life. Lifting your head you felt your heart leap in your chest at her smile, the way it shone with pride, her eyes glowing with love as she pulled your face closer to hers, her lips pecking yours. Parting, she wrapped her arms around your frame, not bothered by your messy hair or stained clothes.    

-A step in the right direction. I’m so proud of you. Why don’t we go home and enjoy a celebratory dinner? We can clean this up tomorrow.

-Can we… can we stay like this for one more minute?

-We can stay like this all night.

[hjpslytherclaw]

Hello! 👋 Your Harry Potter fics are an absolute joy! It warms my heart to find another HJP lover out there! 👓⚡️💖 Hopefully if it’s no trouble, what do you think about a fic where the reader, whose in a relationship w/ Harry, has a dream or NDE (near-death experience) where she meets James and Lily and they’re so grateful for her loving Harry & being there for him? Keep up the great work! 👍

ah thank you so much!! and absolutely, I've been meaning to do one like this for awhile now <3

here is . . .

Beyond Our Hearts | Harry Potter

Harry Potter x fem! reader

Summary! In which during the battle of Hogwarts, Y/N L/N has a strange vision of her boyfriends parents while fighting for her life.

Warnings / Content! y/n on the verge of dying, mentions of death and passing, a worried harry but majorly fluff besides that.

It all happened so quickly.

From throwing as many spells as she possibly could at opposing death eaters to having the world go pitch black, Y/N L/N's life had flashed before her eyes like a bolt of lightning.

She had awoken in a room of nothing but pure light. Looking around the room seemed to shift, one moment nothing but white to the Gryffindor common room, the forest of Dean, the great hall during the Yule ball, it configured itself to places she had known too well.

And as vast as it had originally happened, it had become grimly clear to Y/N what was going on.

"I'm dead," Y/N's voice was a bare breath, as light as a feather but weighted with nothing but despair.

The second those words had escaped her lips her mind had only thought of one thing.

Harry.

How's Harry? Would he be joining me? Does he know? The thoughts were drowning her.

"I've died," She repeated. She felt her eyes begin to water. This couldn't be the end could it? She was barely eighteen this was supposed to be where life truly began, not where it ends.

"Not exactly."

The voice made Y/N jump, the room had changed once more at the action. Now it had set the scenery at an oddly familiar place. It took a moment but Y/N had realized where she had seen it before. It was the Potter's house.

And when she turned around to find the voice that had spoken to her, she was met with the two former occupants.

No way.

Y/N believed she must've gone mad.

She had only ever seen them in pictures and visualized them through Harry's descriptions but it was clear as day who they were.

James and Lily.

Harry's parents stood before her.

Y/N swore she felt her heart stop.

"This isn't death, not yet at least." Lily had spoken, her hand clasped around her husbands. "More so of a limbo, a place between life and death."

"I didn't think we'd be getting to meet so soon, Y/N." James had smiled.

Y/N's mouth had opened but no words had come out. Pure shock was all she had felt in the moment.

"I understand the shock, I've been told even in the afterlife i'm devilishly handsome." James grinned, which earned him a light hit on the shoulder from his wife.

Y/N laughed.

"It's alright to be shocked," Lily said soothingly, she had something so comforting about her that made Y/N feel safe. "Meeting the passed parents of your partner doesn't happen everyday."

"I- I just find this all so hard to believe," Y/N had gotten out through a dry throat.

"And that's perfectly fine." James consoled, "What isn't fine is us having to meet you so soon. I mean you're a lovely girl, Y/N, but you shouldn't be here."

"Wait so does that mean-"

"You can go back to the land of the living?" Lily finished, "Yes."

Y/N had let out a happy breath she hadn't known she was holding. She could go home. She could go back to Harry.

"But before you go back," James said, "There's a reason you're here, with us."

Y/N furrowed her brows, only to relax them moments later. It was strange to have them be the ones to find her in her almost death.

"As of right now Harry had given himself up to Voldemort-"

Y/N's happy heart had faltered. "What?! He's not, he can't-"

"He's alright, Y/N." Lily smiled, "He's alive and well, in fact looking for you. The battle is over."

Y/N let out a sigh of relief. It was all over. Harry was safe.

"Though while giving himself up he was struck with the killing curse." James had told, "And in his last moment, his last thought, was you." James and Lily shared a smile, "We hadn't known at the time of you're arrival here but we both hoped that one day, when you got here, we'd meet you for that reason."

Y/N's mouth went slightly ajar. She was feeling too many things at one time to fully find one to express.

"We've seen you two over the years," Lily confessed to the L/N girl, catching her attention again. "All of the ups and downs, the good and the bad and you two have held together through it all. He cares for you in ways that astonish me. The love he holds for you is one that only the books seem to have."

"The way he looks at you is a way I thought only I could have, when I looked at Lily of course." James interjected for a moment, lightly squeezing Lily's hand.

"A look of pure and unconditional love." Lily smiled. "Harry deserves nothing but that. We never thought we'd be thanking you for giving him that this soon, but this was a chance we figured we'd take."

Lily had let go of James's hand and walked towards Y/N, Y/N had stayed still as she had approached her. Dead and yet so alive at the same time. It was wonderous.

"You have given him nothing but the love he deserves. You've cared for him and looked after him like no other, Y/N. We obviously haven't been around to do that and as much as that may always hurt, it's incredible to know that he has you." Lily expressed to her. "I can speak for both James and I when I say we're so, so grateful you've been there for our Harry. You've given him something so incredible, you've given him a reason to keep going and that's more than we ever could've asked for."

"The world was all we ever wanted for Harry," James spoke, "And though he may never get all of that, you've given him more of that than I thought was possible. I'm thankful he has you to lean on, you to love."

Y/N hadn't expected any of this, she hadn't expected to meet the parents of the boy she had loved so much, stand before them in a place between the living and the dead, but in the moment she couldn't find anywhere else she'd prefer to be besides with Harry himself.

"Now," Lily spoke again, sorrow in her tone. "Harry has just found your body in the living side of the world. And as much as I'd like to continue to thank you for all you've done for our boy, I don't want him to go through so much distress in finding you in this state."

Y/N felt a pang of sadness, she wanted to stay for a little longer, this was too short for her liking. But she belonged with the living, she belonged to live besides Harry and celebrate the end of the a lifelong war.

"Thank you," Y/N spoke, "For having such an amazing boy. Thank you for approving of me."

"Thank you for giving him what we couldn't." James grinned.

"I hope to continue this someday in the far, far future," Lily said softly, "Until then, continue giving our boy the love he deserves."

"I promise to never stop," Y/N assured them happily.

She was met with a joyous nod from James and an even brighter smile from Lily.

And then she awoke.

She was back at Hogwarts, her face covered in soot and dirt. Harry leaning over her.

"Y/N!" He exclaimed, relieved, he seemed to have been doing cpr on her. He embraced her quickly, "I was so worried, oh my love, I'm so happy you're alright."

Y/N had still barely processed the interaction she just had but Harry's hug, his presence in general was enough to wash anything away.

"It's over," He confessed to her, "It's all over, darling."

She couldn't imagine a more blissful feeling. Harry Potter was her happiness, her calm after the storm, it didn't matter what happened next for the two of them.

She was going to keep her promise to Lily and keep loving him, with every star in the galaxy, with every fiber of her being, she knew she'd never stop.

And one day, someday, she'd get to tell them she lived up to it.