#once or twice is fine but by god when its every two seconds I will lose my shit 😭😭😭😭😭😭 it makes my job/goals SO MUCH HARDER

[privateventblog]

Ok look I get that people wanna be helpful and have social anxiety about it I really do (I am also one of these people!) But people have REALLY got to be better about not pushing the bounderies into infantilization, ESPECIALLY with disabled people PLEASE.

If I say I don't need help I don't need it!! It's not an invitation to keep asking with every little thing 😭😭

I've had people offer to even carry me for no reason when I use my cane!! THATS A NO, BUDDY. I just want to get through the day.

And the funny thing is it actually ends up doing the complete opposite of what you want it to do because instead of making the world more accessible it actually makes it 9 million times worse because now I'm stressed AND going into sensory overload.

[emphistic]

Interlude

A/N: did i write this in half an hour? yes. am i crazy? of course.

"Ah ah ah. I never said you could leave yet."

You immediately stopped in your tracks upon hearing a familiar deep, raspy voice at your back, coming from the confines of your shared bed.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

You whipped your head around, and were met with a set of half-lidded eyes in a shade of deep red. Their owner was propped up on one elbow atop the messy sheets, yawning loudly before running his long fingers through his unruly locks.

Sukuna was never a morning person, and his shifts always started later in the afternoon, so he always used it to his advantage.

Blinking once, twice, thrice, as you nervously averted your gaze away from your very enticing boyfriend, who only continued to stare at you sleepily.

The thought of going back to lay in your comfortable, warm bed was already something you wanted to do terribly, but adding Sukuna into the mix, too? This was like trying to drain the sea.

Merely one look at the pink-haired man, who was only covered waist-down by the blankets on his legs, was enough to pull you back beneath the covers and curl into his side.

However, you had already called sick two times in only a fortnight, and those bills were not going to pay themselves.

Unfortunately for you, or not unfortunately, you and Sukuna had been over this many times. Sukuna always told you, "I don't understand why you keep going back to that shitty job anyway. Just let me take care of you back in my place, I provide substantially for the both of us, anyway."

And besides, there really wasn't a way out for you no matter what.

Sukuna had had so many clients back-to-back lately, that he was forced to stay at the tattoo shop for nights on end. On top of that, Choso was unavailable for God knows why, so Sukuna had to fill in for him as well. And if that wasn't enough, sessions would take longer than expected because clients just wouldn't stop flirting with him, moving or twitching, accidentally messing up his work, talking so obnoxiously to the point Sukuna couldn't even pay attention, etc.

Only recently — just the night before, he was finally granted the chance to come home to you.

And you best believe he was going to spend every hour, minute, and second reminding you that you were his, and his only.

Not even your job's employee, apparently. Sorry not sorry.

But, it's not like you wanted to leave him anyway. You had missed Sukuna as much as he had missed you, if not more.

Phone calls while he was on break, sending memes through your text messages, playing together on Game Pigeon, FaceTimes while eating lunch together, were your only escapes from the sad, miserable Adult Life, into just Sukuna and You World.

"Baby, you know I have to. But I'll be back before you know it, okay? And besides, you need the free time. They've been working you nonstop—"

"I'm fine, not even tired. Don't you dare worry your pretty little head about me. As for free time . . ," Sukuna's held a mischievous glint to them, "how about you spend my free time with me?"

You bit your lip, in contemplation. Although you knew, clear as day, what would happen in the end despite everything.

Deciding to make a run for it, you swung your legs over the bed and planted your bare feet on the freezing-cold floor of your apartment. But before you could even stand up, a thick arm swiftly made its way around your waist and pulled you back to meet a hard, bare chest.

Sukuna was now sitting up.

You lightly gasped, as he brought his lips to your ear, his warm breath tickling your skin.

"Don't think you can run away from me just yet, doll. I haven't seen you in days, and I'm not going to be apart from you for another second."

You squirmed in his grasp, but when you realized his strong hold around your middle wasn't going to let up any time soon, you sighed, and, left with no choice, only slumped back against his chest.

Sukuna grinned, victorious, once again.

The rays of the early sun filtered through the cheap window blinds, and you fluttered your eyelashes, squinting to hide away from the inevitable.

"Yeahh," Sukuna laughed, "that's right, princess. Just listen to me from now on."

You frowned, turning your head around to narrow your eyes at Sukuna.

"Now, what can we do with all this free time? I'm thinking we should try something new." Sukuna raised a brow teasingly, twisting your body around and settling you onto his lap with your thighs on either side of his.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself, mister. I'm only staying for five more minutes," you crossed your arms.

Sukuna placed both of his large hands on your hips; it seemed like that was their default resting spot. Every chance he got, they would always end up there. No matter the setting or occasion.

Sukuna let out a deep laugh, "We'll see about that."

-

"Five minutes? You said? Either way, I don't think you're even able to move your legs at this point and walk out of this room."

"S'kuna, you're—ngh—not funny!" Your nipples hardened, and rubbed raw against the material of your shirt.

You braced yourself by placing both hands on the headboard, but it didn't look like anything could help stable you now.

Sukuna licked a stripe up your dampening clit.

Your situation wasn't looking too good. It didn't help that your asshole of a boss just had to call you right then and there.

[mysicklove]

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆

DAY 22: A/B/O

With: Isagi Yoichi

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Omega/bottom Isagi, Top/Alpha/Gn reader, omegaverse stuff (slick, claiming, scenting, etc.), isagi is in heat, readers pp could be read as strap or dick, marking/biting, slight blood, possesive behavior, instincts and stuff, isagi lowkey being feral

A/N: i like this one. and dont ask me why i know so much about a/b/o dynamics.'

Isagi was completely fine with being an omega. Sure, in the beginning he thought it may affect his soccer career, but as he grew and matured, he realized that it wasn't a problem anymore. Scent blockers and suppressants were a gift from the gods, and key factor of how he went pro. Without them he didn't know where he would be.

But, it led to an addiction. Constantly hiding his scent, hoping people may mistake him for being a beta so he doesn't have to deal with the slander omegas get on the field. And without heats he doesn't have to miss practice. Hence, every morning he puts a scent blocker sticker on his neck and wrist, and the second he feels a little amiss, he pops a heat suppressant. And he lived fine.

Except then you came into his life. An alpha. 

Heats are supposed to be spent with you. His body was begging him to spend it with someone, but he shuts it down immediately. Its unhealthy, and he knows it. A doctor has reminded him for years now, but he brushed it aside. 

The two of you had fought about it for about a year now. It was damaging his body, but he was too deep in his soccer career to sacrifice those multiple weeks of the year. You couldn't force him to do it, but every time you saw him pop that pill, and instinctual dread flooded your veins.

He hasn't had a real heat in five years. More than twice longer than what is considered “unhealthy” for an omega. It means when he finally does fall into it, its bound to be painful, and long lasting. Not only that, but his instincts are supposed to be heightened more than usual, so he doesn't know what he will say or do once he goes into it again.

But you finally convinced him spend it with you. He has been hinting for months now that he wanted you to mark him, but when he finally bluntly asked you to claim him, you said you would only do it during his heat. He agreed with much hesitancy.

It's a dread to think about, and honestly he is a little scared. But he promised you he would do it. He (very reluctantly) called off two weeks from soccer practice during off season, when he felt his pre-heat begin to creep up on him. 

So, here he is. Going to have his first heat in five years. 

The two of you stayed at his place. It was probably better to be at a spot he is comfortable with after all. The days before it weren't too bad, you forced him to put away the scent blockers for a couple of days, so the house smelled strongly of him. He went out of his way to scent as many things as possible, growing anxious as the days went by. He also built a nest on the space next to his bed, covered in blankets, pillows, and too many items from your dirty hamper. He was antsy during this time, finding himself clinging to you, and following you around the house. It was cute honestly, watching him have a slight pout while he grips onto your hand.

His body temperature started to pick up by the third day of his preheat. He started wearing less clothing, and you hand fed frozen fruit to him, hoping to cool him off just a little. He tosses and turns in the night, whining out for you to hold him, comfort him, make the strange feeling stop. It was so confusing and he hated it.

And finally after four days, he experienced his first heat since he was a teenager. It was in the middle of the night, the two of you in his nest, and you were fast asleep when he awoke. Every inch of his body ached, and he was panting. Sweat dripped down his temple, and he could feel slick stain his boxers. It made him groan in frustration, but he couldn't do anything about it because he was so horny.

Everything in him screamed for him to get filled, and as quickly as possible. He doesn't even think about it, tearing off his shirt and boxers. His now naked body trembles and he pants into the back of his hand, before turning to your sleeping form. He quickly finds himself scampering over to you, shaking you awake.

You turn to him with a groan, eyes blinking in the darkness to try to adjust themselves. “Yoichi?” You question, voice hoarse from sleep.

He basically tackles you, collapsing his entire body onto yours, and burying his face into your neck, scenting it quickly and desperately. “It’s h-here–dont know what to do. H-Help. Hurts. It hurts. Make it stop!”

You snap awake in an instant, resting your hand on the back of his head. He straddles your leg, beginning to hump at it. You croon at him, the sound low and comforting, hoping to calm him down just slightly. “What do you need me to do, Yoichi?”

He shakes his head back and forth in your neck. “I don't know! J-Just touch me. Please, alpha!” 

You cup the back of his head, letting him rest in your neck, while you reach to grab his toy bag the two of you packed just a couple days earlier. You flick on the lamp on your nightstand and he glances at the bag in your hand, letting out a small growl and nipping at your skin.

You flinch, and he continues to growl, low, not threatening, but annoyed. “Don't want the toys. Touch me,” Isagi hisses, grinding his cock onto your leg.

“Feisty omega,” You murmur, setting the bag on the other side of the nest, and moving to reach behind him.

He gulps at the words, feeling bad already. His hormones are all out of wack, and he can't seem to think straight. He nuzzles into your neck and purrs, lifting his hips up to meet your fingers. 

You use a finger to prod at his entrance, eyes slightly widening at the feeling. “Wow love, you are so wet. You're dripping all over your legs and the pillows,” You murmur in astonishment, dragging your finger around the hole.

He whines in embarrassment, cheeks flushed from his heat, and now from humilation. “D-Dont know why. I woke up and it hasn't stopped,” he complains, voice low and gruff. You continue to pet his hair, trying to comfort him.

You hum in response, pressing your other finger into his hole. He shivers at the feeling, clinging onto you in the darkness. When it slips in easier than usual, you prod another one, finding it just as easy to slip in. “Fuck Yoichi, you’re just begging to be fucked aren’t you. Taking it so easy.”

His back is arched by now, pressing into the fingers that are now scissoring him. “More. ‘ts not enough. Please, please. I need more, alpha!” He cries, both sides of him now leaking. His face is flushed, and his whole body feels like its on fire.

You shush his mewls, letting out a soothing scent and he moans into your neck. “Alright, alright. I’m going to make you feel good, relax,” you whisper, trying to pull yourself a way for minute to prepare yourself. He doesn't let you go far, arms wrapping around your entire body, breathing into your skin. The scent seems to make him feel grounded, and it's what he desperately needs right now.

“Here, lay down for me,” You encourage, trying to pull him off just for a second so that you can line yourself up with him. He doesnt seem to listen, shaking his head and panting. Sweat beads at his temples, and he's already beginning to beg again, but you push him to the bed, pinning his hands up for a moment while you press the tip into him.

He groans at the feeling, already borderline oversensitive. “Hold me. Please. Hold me, ‘s hot. I can't–”

You kiss his neck, pressing further inside of him, and his eyes widen, gasping at the feeling. His nails dig into your back and you try not to hiss out, continuing forward till you bottom out in him. Slick continues to leak out and onto the nest, but you don't say anything, afraid of embarrassing him.

But you couldnt help but notice the way his back arches, and the wet feeling now on the both of your stomachs. His breaths are shaky and his hold on you is weak. It gives you a chance to pull away for a second, glancing at the cum spread between the two of you. 

He covers his face with his hand, blushing profusely. “I'm sorry. Don't know what happened. J-Just felt…really good,” He warbles, not daring to look at you, but feeling himself begin to grow hard again. 

You giggle at him, planting a soft kiss to his lips. “S’alright. So cute, Yoichi. Wanna take a break then?”

His eyes are back onto you in an instant, wide and panicking. “N-No! You can't stop, please keep going!” He begs, lifting his hips to grind his cock on your stomach in a plea.

You know it's the heat talking, so you don't dare to tease him, afraid of pissing him off. So you abide by your omegas command.

“Fuckkkk,” He breathes, eyes rolling back when you start to pick up the pace. You grip at the back of his head, pulling him into a kiss, and thrusting forward. His legs wrap around your waist, and he wraps his arms around you, pulling you impossibly closer. Your thrusts are hard, short, and make a lewd slapping noise from the skin to skin contact. 

Isagi pulls away from the kiss, eyes cloudy, and mouth slightly swollen from the attention. “Alpha. Alpha. Alpha. Alpha,” He chants, mewling at every thrust, while slick drips down his thigh.. 

You kiss his cheek, humming to him in question. “Right here. I'm here. Doing so well. Such a pretty omega,” You coo in response, and the effects are immediate. He purrs at your voice, nuzzling into your neck and scenting you with a small fucked out grin.

“Mark me.”

You pause your movements, eyes flashing to his blue ones. He whines at the interruption, grabbing at your hips to pull you in closer. “Right now? It's so early,” You reason, growing dizzy off his warm scent.

It turns sour in an instant. “Y-You dont want me?”

He was being unreasonable, but that was the heat talking. His brain wasn't in the right place, and the second you didn't agree, it hurt. Way more than it should have. Tears prick at his eyes, and he begins to push you away, feeling gross with himself.

You don't let him go far, releasing a calming scent, and crooning to him. “Not what I meant. Relax, omega. It's okay, you're okay. I'll mark you, will that make you feel better?”

He clings onto you immediately, scent light again. “Please please please. Wanna be yours. Your omega. Please bite me!” 

You groan, grabbing his hips and forcing him back down onto the length. He gasps, trembling, but now baring his neck to you. 

“You're going to be the death of me, Yoichi,” You sigh, not liking how much control he has over you. Between the scent and his lewd words, which would never come out of his mouth if he wasn't in heat, it was hard to stay present in the moment.

“Please please please,” he cries, grabbing your hair  and forcing you toward his very own neck. You glance at him one last time, looking at his glassy eyes, and flushed cheeks. He nods at you, a whine slipping past his lips. 

You take one last deep breath, inhaling your lovers intoxicating scent and bury your teeth into his neck. He yelps, gripping onto your hair as tears drip down his cheeks. But his back arches, and hes cumming again from the action. His head spins as he feels your tongue lick at the wound, crooning out apologies for the pain.

Your thrusts have slowed down slightly, but they are deeper, harder. After cumming two times Isagi feels himself grow tired, weaker, but every cell in his body is screaming at him to go again and again. Till he passes out, if he must. 

“You alright? My omega…All mine,” You whisper, brushing away his sweaty bangs. He feels light headed, absolutely amazed at the feeling of being claimed after all this time and your words, but frustrated from your bare neck. It's not fair.

A possessive nature takes over him, and he lets out a small growl. You raise your eyebrows at him, confused by the sudden aggression. He was always pretty temperamental, but you granted his wish, and were fucking him, what more could he need?

A pair of canines dig into your neck before you could even process his movements. It makes you wince, hissing out and shivering as you feel his tongue lick over the wound. “N-No warning?” You half complain, not minding the feeling of being marked by him.

He doesnt seem to be listening, heat clouding all coherent thoughts. “My alpha. Mhmmm. Mine, mine, mine.”

“Possessive little thing. S-Supposed to be my line,” You laugh at him lightly, and he pulls away for the first time tonight, maneuvering you until he is sitting on your lap, and beginning to raise himself up and down. Two hands fall on your stomach to help steady himself as he begins to grind on the length, head falling backward as he pants at the ceiling.

His movements are frantic, desperate even, as if he was afraid he would never get a chance to cum again. His own cum on his stomach is beginning to dry up, but he doesn't seem to mind. His cock flops back and forth at his movements, and sweat drips down his neck. His whole body seems to be a pinkish shade, covered in sweat. It makes you slightly worried, but knowing him, if you force him to stop so that you can check on him, he may try to kill you.

He cums again without much warning, his fingers curling up and eyes rolling backward. The stream is weaker, dripping pathetically down his cock. His whole body trembles and he collapses forward onto you, pawing at you to hold him again.

You grab water from the nightstand and basically force it down his throat, the excess dripping down his chin and onto your chest. He gulps it down without much complaint, staring at you with lidded eyes the entirety of it. “Lets take a break,” You mumble, caressing his cheek and wiping away the water.

He purrs into your touch, and realigns himself up again, a drunken smile on his face. “Not a chance, alpha,” Isagi says, sinking onto the length to try to chase his fourth orgasm that night. 

The two of you get little sleep, and you awoke to him grinding on your leg, and biting at your ear, begging you to make him feel good again, full again. But even in your exhausted state, you didn't mind too much, because how could you say no to your precious omega? 

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[dojunie]

into you; hrj [sneak peek]

[★]; YOU LIKE HUANG RENJUN MORE THAN YOU’VE PROBABLY LIKED ANYTHING IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. Sure, you've only been more than friends for like, two weeks— a title-less thing that has you hanging out nearly every day but still hovering in the gray space between people who kiss sometimes and something a little more concrete— but it didn’t take you long to realize that he's pretty much everything you've ever wanted. What you’ve got going on with him right now is perfect in its own way, even if you find yourself almost overwhelmed with how much you like him these days… but considering that Renjun seems perfectly fine with the way things are, you’re not really gunning to tell him that.

(Though, after an incident at a party has you blowing up on your ex for a less than savory dig at your relationship— however unofficial it may be— you might not have to tell Renjun anything at all.)

info;

huang renjun x fem!reader

college au but no learning is going on

oneshot

genre/about; friends-who-kiss-sometimes to lovers, semi-established relationship but much pining is to be had, mc is Smitten, the full fic will have nsfw elements

teaser wc; 1k / full fic wc; 8-10k…ish (5k already written, woo, short fic era incoming)

[a/n: here is a very brief peek into a renjun fic that came to me in a fever dream, the one i’ve been working on non stop for like four days straight!!! renchins and others pls leave your thoughts in the replies or send me an ask, i beg]

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.

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YOU'VE SIMMERED DOWN EVEN FURTHER BY THE TIME YOU'VE GOTTEN INSIDE HIS APARTMENT AND TAKEN A LONG, HOT SHOWER; scouring both the party and Jihoon’s touch from your skin, the nearly burning water is a welcome cleanse from the nights earlier events. (Though, if you’re being completely honest, the reason your face is so warm isn’t only because of the heat.)

Upon opening the front door and hustling inside, not a second had passed after toeing off your shoes off before Renjun spun you around kissed you.

And it wasn’t— It wasn’t rare for him to kiss you first. You didn’t want to make it seem like you had to chase him down for a smooch. But Renjun, as you’d guessed from his personality even before you started dancing around each other like this, was much more reserved than you were. He chose his moments for affection purposefully; a hand held here, a kiss on the cheek there, or (on more delicate occasions) a press of his lips against yours, mainly whenever you’d drop you off late at night, a quiet goodbye whispered against your mouth.

So it wasn’t rare but it wasn’t an exact science either, which is precisely why you didn't know what was happening until it was already over. The giant, dopey smile on his face only served to explain that he’d known exactly what he was doing by surprising you like that, and you held back the urge to launch yourself at him.

“That was my thank you,” Renjun started airily, teasing but still looking a little pink around the edges himself, “For trying to fight someone twice your size on my behalf. No one’s ever done that for me before. However, I would be very happy if you never did it again, because if you got hurt I would be very mad. Do you understand?”

You only stared at him. Your lips were tingling. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he murmured. “Do you want to shower first?”

“…Yes,” you said lowly, finaly finding your voice. God. “Yeah. You take forever.”

“Well then I’ll get you something to change into,” he said. Then, terrifyingly, he leaned in as if he was going to kiss you again— but right when he was close enough for your eyes to cross, waiting, waiting, unwilling to not be ready this time— “What are you waiting for?" he whispered. "You’re blocking the closet. Go.”

He laughed when you ran, cursing him the whole way. 

Once you were out, sufficiently clean and doused head to toe in Renjun’s clothes (despite the fact that after like, the tenth time you’d been here, you brought a change of clothes to keep in his closet for spontaneous nights exactly like these), you found yourself both alone and introspective for the first time since the Jihoon incident. It was only expected that your mind would wander to how you got yourself to this point in the first place, draped across the couch of a guy you hadn’t even known the name of three months ago—

And it had started as a seating chart.

Seating charts were always a risky game. You could either be stuck next to the too-loud or the too-quiet, the cheaters with wandering eyes or the chatty kids who didn’t understand that class wasn’t only for socializing— or you could be put near an angel, someone would end up changing your life in a way that you never would have expected from that first day of classes. 

Thankfully, in Chinese Literature 201, it was the latter.

Renjun was a Language Study major; the pretty guy with soft brown hair, a pair of big silver glasses perched on his face and a sweet little smile to match— the quiet student who sat across the aisle from you in the lecture hall. Being dismissed by row after collecting your midterm practice grades meant that, out in the lobby, he had a front row seat to catch you pulling your hair out over your less than desirable grade— and seemingly out of nowhere, he tapped you on the shoulder and asked if you wanted a little help. Grateful (and frankly terrified by the idea of failing Chi Lit and having to take it again if you bombed this midterm), you’d taken him up on his offer: three times a week in the Sulim Library from 6 to 8PM.

The rest was pretty much history.

You got to know him outside of just flashcards and extra assigned readings, learned that he liked to sing and did ballet for four years in high school and hated the taste of matcha anything. You learned who his friends were and what he liked to do on campus. Renjun wasn’t like any guy you’d— actually no, scratch that, he wasn’t like any person you’d ever met before. He was quiet, but he wasn’t shy. He was able to shut you up with startling accuracy; an ability your friends even found miraculous when you told them after the first few tutoring sessions, a dumb smile on your face and swinging your feet, that you’d finally found someone who could argue better than you could.

Renjun could bring a smile to your face by saying your name alone. He was nice and he was sweet and he was thoughtful, but he had a temper that matched yours and the most endearing frustrated face you've ever seen on another person.

You often left his side feeling almost ill with awe that one person could be so… perfect. As awfully mushy as that sounds.

Thankfully, after a few weeks of woo-ing him with your roguish charm, when you bit the bullet and told him you liked him, he replied with a smile and a challenge— because Renjun was nothing if not focused on the goal of actually tutoring you— he told you that if you passed the midterm with a grade of B or above, he’d let you take him on a date.

Easy fucking money. There wasn’t a chance you were going to let this opportunity slip away from you. You studied so hard for that test that for nearly six days you only came out of your room to eat and pee. 

(You got a 96%— A big, beautiful red A+ on the midterm and a professors recommendation for your accompanying essay. Renjun only later told you that the alternative to a good grade was him taking you out instead, the prick; and he laughed so hard at the look on your face that you thought he was going to throw up.)

[a/n; crying screaming i'm so excited to post this lol]

[will put full fic link here when posted] [other works]

[kamy2425]

(Fanfic) Discworld-"The Meaning of Death" Chapter 12 "A Place To Go To..."

~~Death's Gift~~A Place Of His Choosing~~~Baby With A Bow~~ ~~A Third First Encounter Is Everything~~

Rincewind pulled up a seat as the creaking of its journey echoed across the hushed library. Death, already comfortably seated, raised his cup of tea with ease. The tea mysteriously didn’t go through his robes.

“Look,” said Rincewind, nervously settling in, “I know what’s been going on. I’m not stupid.”

WAS IT TOO OBVIOUS?

“It’s not like I don’t appreciate it,” Rincewind admitted, “I’m glad that these people that I’ve met in the past, are doing more than fine.”

YOU HAVE TOUCHED THEIR LIVES, RINCEWIND.

Death put down his cup on his floral decorated saucer sitting on his other hand.

EVERY ONE OF THEM. THANKFUL TO HAVE RAN INTO YOU.

“And I get that, Death. Really.” Rincewind grimace, “But why me? Why are you so determined to want to make me see that?”

Death tilted his head slightly. If he had eyebrows, one of them should have been lifted about now.

YOU ALWAYS RUN AWAY FROM DEATH.

“And that’s completely normal!” protested Rincewind, jumping to his feet, practically tripping over the chair.

AND YET, YOU COWER WHEN LIFE PRESENTS TO YOU.

Rincewind awkwardly raised the chair and sat back down,

“Oh, and…Life is-is a person-as well?”

A PERSONIFICATION OF LIFE? DON’T BE SILLY, replied Death. I MEANT THAT FIGURATIVELY.

Rincewind took a moment to process that.

“Look,” he said, trying again, “My life’s twisted as it is, because of the gods. Seriously, if I ever DO get a chance to get a break, I would do so gladly!”

“But no,” Continued Rincewind, not even focusing on who he was talking to, “How can I enjoy what life I have, if I need to constantly look up to see which God wants to land an anvil on top of my head? It’s impossible!”

I CAN MAKE YOU INVISIBLE.

Rincewind paused, his brain screeching to a halt. “You—what?”

IT MIGHT ONLY WORK FOR A DAY OR TWO. THE GODS AREN’T EASY TO FOOL TWICE.

“...invisible? From the Gods?” 

JUST AS I AM INVISIBLE TO HUMANS.

For the biggest moment of his life, Rincewind could actually stand in one place and think. So he was now left there, petrified, as his mind played different tunes all at once.

“But, what am I going to do with that time?”

YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR OWN PATH, RINCEWIND.

“Invisible? So…no meddling from Gods? No FATE? No Lady? No Gods sending me to the nearest apocalypse?”

Death reached a comforting hand on the wizard’s shoulder. It was icy cold, but the action itself was the warmest feeling he had in a long time.

IS THERE A PLACE YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO GO?

To his own surprise, Rincewind found his mouth answering faster than his brain.

“Actually, there is.”

______________________________________________________________

There was a swirl of chaos and colors. Paper lanterns were being held up high in the sky as confetti rained down in a dizzying shower of celebration. The air was alive as the rhythmic joy of the drums and the high-pitch laughter of the children glowed all around. Adults twirled in tight circles as they too danced along the laughter of music. If only there was a rainbow in the sky, it would have completed the picture. 

SO YOU HAVE CHOSEN THIS. Death observed, as a child ran past, a kite dancing on the clear blue sky behind him.

“Don’t start.” Warned Rincewind as he let out a massive sigh, “I just didn’t want to be here a second time during a war or a big world crisis, okay?!”

SURE, Death’s tone had a little hint of being amused at that.

Humans were such curious creatures to Death. He knew about Rincewind’s whole life (it was his job to know about it, of course). But, looking back at different parts of his life, it was meeting that tourist that started Rincewind's loop of unfortunate events. 

If Death learned anything from watching humans, anyone in Rincewind’s position would feel anger or have no other reason to cross paths with this tourist ever again. And yet, Rincewind, have chosen, for the little free time he had…to visit him? Such an interesting human, Rincewind is.

The Luggage nudged at the hooded figure, which managed to wake up Death from his train of thoughts.

OH, MY APOLOGIES. Death looked around, SEEMS I HAVE LOST THE WIZARD.

The Luggage clattered off towards the gates of the Agatean Empire, Death trailing after. The city had transformed over the years—once it had just one festival, now it seemed to celebrate everything. If Death had to describe it in some way, it would be that this city felt... the most alive. Somehow.

Death has spotted the wizard. It was fortunate he had, considering that his power to make the wizard invisible, also caused Death to not know of his exact location. And considering the massive crowd, it certainly made it impossible to go through the sea of happiness. 

Of course, Death has the power to move people aside to create his own path. However, that seemed to be quite difficult if there was no free space for the crowd to move to. 

“Hey, move it pal!” shouted a voice at Death.

Death apologized and turned back towards the voice in confusion. He was met by a small figure floating in midair. His face, as difficult as it was to describe, was as if a baby was also an old man all at once. Its tiny little white wings phenomenally held the creature in the air. And Death couldn’t look away at its heart-shaped tattoo that has been crossed by an arrow on one of its muscular biceps. It was also difficult to not look away as this baby man lit up a large cigar and sucked on it like it was a pacifier. 

“Ah, there he is!” Said the winged baby. Somewhere in his pink stash, the baby now held onto a bow and arrow. The arrowhead, as you would guess it, was heart-shaped. 

As a professional to another, Death bent down to meet the baby’s height as he replied in the calmest way possible, MIGHT I ASK WHAT YOU ARE DOING?

“You see that Rincewind bloke, over there?” Said Cupid without taking his eyes off his target, “Overdue for love.”

Ah, of course, Death thought. Since he made Rincewind invisible to the higher gods, lesser creatures like Cupid here, could now call dibs on him. You cancel one subscription, and the junk mail doubles. And his wizard was a pretty popular fellow in the community of the Gods.

Cupid kept his bow steadied as he took aim. He shoots. Arrow flying through the air, piercing hats and wigs in its direction, gets closer and closer to the wizard until- Rincewind looks down, causing the arrow to click against a wall. 

Cupid swore under his breath, drew another arrow, fired—and missed again, as Rincewind obliviously wandered on.

“GODS, dang it!” Cupid fumed, throwing down his bow, “Seriously! It’s like he forcefully doesn’t WANT love.”

I SEE, replied Death.

Cupid went through his magic pack and opened up a scroll. The paper itself, rolled down on the ground and rolled endlessly through the city. “See here? See all these dates listed here? Those are the times THIS fool was supposed to be in love, but does it happen? NO!”

HOW UNFORTUNATE.

“Do you know what that’s like?” Cupid snapped his fingers and the scroll vanished, “Having your job failed every time because of some weird anomaly?”

I CAN’T IMAGINE, replied Death.*

*Death can’t imagine things of course. But he sure can remember everything. And that means…everything. Death used to hate this anomaly that calls himself Rincewind. But over the years, Death has ended up appreciating this abnormal and surprising individual. It certainly kept his job interesting.

“But it’s strange…” Cupid scratched his head, “My powers called me out here because his Love Meter has been higher than it’s ever been! It has never reached this high before!”

Death’s skull moved slowly at the blurred image of Rincewind as his body dispersed inside the crowd.

“I wonder what is going on, in that little brain of his…”

INDEED.

…

OH, Gods! Why am I here? Of all places? Why here? Everyone is staring at me! Oh, is it my haircut? Will people recognize me? Do I WANT to be recognized?

Rincewind stopped for a second to look at his reflection against a shiny decorated pot, “I looked worse…” He spit on his hand and styled his hair a bit. Rincewind’s other hand slapped at the traitorous one, What am I even doing? Why am I so nervous?!

“Mama! Mama!” A child pulled on his mother’s dress for attention, “Is that the Great Wizzard?”

All eyes immediately looked from where the kid pointed. Rincewind was now the center of attention.

On second thought, maybe I’ll come back when there’s a crisis. 

And Rincewind did what he did best. He ran.

He knew this was a bad idea. Maybe he’ll use his free time to just go back home and read a nice cozy book. Help out dusting off the old shelves at the library…give the Librarian his daily bananas…Yeah, and have a nice cup of hot cocoa while being wrapped in a warm blanket. Yes…this idea is starting to sound good! He just needs to find Death and-

His path was abruptly blocked by a looming statue standing in the middle of the plaza. His eyes wandered up to see the statue's head, only to be blinded by the piercing rays of the sun. And from a distance, a clank of armor drew closed. Now, Rincewind was surrounded by three guards of the city.

“I really don’t want any trouble!” Rincewind declared, “I-I just-”

An arrow zipped by, missing him by a hair.

“Seriously, who keeps doing that?” Rincewind peered around for the source of the arrow, finally spotting Death standing at the back of the crowd, giving him a friendly wave.

And what’s odd is that Death appeared to be… gesturing? Well, Rincewind has always been good at charades…let see:

Small…flying…ah yes, that’s a heart. A small flying…heart? …Me? At me? A small flying heart at me?

What could it mean confused the wizard greatly. He better not be right for what he was thinking. He and Death surely weren't that close. Better not make eye contact.  

“You better not mess with my gig!” exclaimed Cupid, as he shoved Death out of the way, “Or I’ll tell the Gods on ya!”

OF COURSE NOT.

“Well, watch and learn.” Cupid lowered his head to his bow and took aim, “I won’t miss this time.”

The arrow flew and Rincewind quickly ducked out of the way. One of the guards groaned in pain for a second, until the wizard cautiously went up to check on him.

“Um, are you alright sir?”

The guard gazed at him, hearts dancing all around him. “You have… lovely green eyes.” Then he crumpled to the ground in a heap, leaving his comrades to attend to him while Rincewind edged away from the surreal scene.

“Dang it!” Screamed Cupid as he once again threw away his bow and arrows to the ground, “So close!”

I THOUGHT THAT WAS A NICE ONE.

“Well, whatever, I’ll just follow the next target on my list.”

Far off, a figure with glasses nervously browsed the market, occasionally bowing in embarrassment as merchants bombarded him with gifts. Just a few feet away, Rincewind wandered on, oblivious to the presence of this stranger, as the crowd acted as a barrier between the two.

“Where could he be?” The wizard mumbled under his breath.

Cupid flew up and noticed his previous target and the stranger, “Hah would you look at that! It’s all lined up for me perfectly!” The arrow shot through the air…and ricocheted off the stranger’s glasses. It bounced off around cooking pans, pots, mirrors—until it found its way towards Rincewind.

Cupid held his breath.

Rincewind, noticing his sock had fallen, crouched down to fix it. The arrow sailed harmlessly over him and struck a parrot in a nearby cage.

“Smoochies! Gwak! Hey, pretty boy!” Flirted the parrot, “Kiss, Kiss!”

Rincewind leaned back up, confused at his surroundings, “What is wrong with this city? Is it really the beard?”

“Rincewind?” came a familiar voice. The wizard spun around, but the crowd blocked his view. He strained to see, unsure if he’d imagined it. 

“Two-flower?” Rincewind yelled just in case, ears perking.

After about five seconds the same voice replied, “How have you been?!”

“Are-are we really having this conversation?!” Rincewind shouted against the noise of the crowd, craning his neck in attention.

…

…

…

…

“I’ve been fine, how  are you?!” 

“Hold on!” Cried out Rincewind, “I think I can spot you!”

“Really?!”

No, not really. He had no idea. As the crowd shifted, the mystery figure seemed to have vanished. 

Figures. Just when I actually LOOK for the guy, he doesn’t show up. What am I even going to say? ‘Oh, just passing through the Agatean Empire, no big deal, not running from an apocalypse at the moment. Also, sorry for ignoring your hundreds of letters. Tea?’

Suddenly, his legs became numb. Everything felt overwhelming—the colors, the noise, the heat. Death had warned him that the ride might cause nausea in living beings, and it seemed the effects were kicking in. The world became blurry. The statue from the plaza seemed disproportionate and wavy. He never really did get a look of what the shape of the statue was…

“You alright?” came a soft voice.

“I just wanted to see a fr—" Rincewind’s voice trailed off as he stared at the figure before him. A nervous smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. “…Friend.”

Rincewind collapsed on the floor as the crowd circled him in utter confusion.

For the fic!

[catwyk]

ok i finished malevolent season 1 and i have a LOT of thoughts that im gonna write down becausr im bored. spoilers for season 1 and warning for me being a picky listener !

first off. HARLAN GUTHRIE THE MAN THAT YOU ARE. insane that this guy is doing ALL the voices?? AND all the writing??? AND all the editing and sound design????? WHAT the fuck. honestly the fact that hes (almost) the only guy working on this podcast kind of negates all my gripes n nitpicks

i LOVE the arthur/john dynamic. it reminds me a lot of venom and eddie brock but its def distinct. and its great

i rlly appreciate the amount of guidance john gives arthur, i think more would be realistic but tedious so this is a good compromise

now. speaking of realism. my main gripe

(i feel like this is gonna be a very subjective take so yknow dont take it too seriously)

two main things kind of bother me: arthur recovers from major injuries SUPER QUICKLY, and in 12 episodes he has only eaten once. yknow that post where someone's talking about their immersion in period pieces being broken by the chicken breeds bein wrong? this is very much how i feel LMAO like ok theres a supernatural healing element (this too shall pass) fine yep good. but arthur should NOT have been up and walking and ROWING so soon after a month of coma. he loses a shitload of blood from his abdomen TWICE and sure he has major reactions but after that he just sort of. keeps going. and not to mention THIS GUY DOESNT EAT HOW IS HE HEALING!!!!! SIR!!! YOUR MACROMOLECULES SIR!!!!!

obviously if we were with him every single time he eats and for every second of his recovery it would absolutely drag so im not expecting him to be seeking out food every episode but this is another compromise issue that i feel like isnt as well balanced as john being arthur's seeing eye eldritch god

but again this is probably just a case of me being sensitive to certain parts of realism that other people arent so this is very much a nick picking complaint

as for the writing, i rly like the diegetic framing of the narration as john describing any given situation to arthur

however i think an unfortunate symptom of this is that sometimes the narration feels overly descriptive and eloquent in situations where it shouldnt be. like when theyre being attacked by the amphibious river creature, john says something like "stomach and ventral area", which was honestly. So unexpected it took me out of the scene entirely i was just like he would not fucking say that lol

another thing is sometimes the tension building does not work at all. the rising strings feel too cliché to have any real effect, and the way john speaks about horrors can get repetitive to the point where it just doesnt bother me. "fuck. arthur.... there's *something* in the water/in the room/hunting us". that kind of vagueness doesnt work well for me a least anyway, but when its happening every episode or more it really gets old

anyway that being said i think those are my only real complaints and i think theyre so subjective anyways so like do they even count

also im heartbroken im unable to stop myself looking up spoilers bc the john is the king on yellow reveal would have been so cool if i didnt know it was coming

and the fanart. is so fucking good

[vvitchering]

After ep thoughts for the pirate (deragatory)

Haha guys remember when this show was about Din Djarin

I guess now that we’re in the second half stretch I can stop hoping they’re going to magically somehow turn the show around and have it get good again. Pacing still sucks but I did actually think this episode flowed better than the rest of this season has, which isn’t saying a lot, but it’s something.

I was REAL scared this was going to be another ep where it focused on characters we don’t give a shit about the entire time again but Din actually was on screen and did something for a little while! (Sad that that’s something I have to mention as an unexpected positive, though)

I’m really happy the show brought the covert to a safe planet and Karga’s offer of land to Din has come full circle. Even though it’s not Tatooine, my wish for a safe home where they can live like people again was granted so that’s really nice! I wasn’t super shocked Paz backed Din in going to help, he does owe him one. But that was nice to see too.

And I guess we are committing to ignoring the final detail they haven’t walked back yet from s2, Din having the darksaber. I would REALLY like to know why the armorer has now TWICE praised and rewarded Bo for things she ripped Din a new asshole for previously. Din destroyed his entire life to rescue a foundling? Excommunicated, no trial, no explanations, get out. Bo is there when they rescue a foundling? She’s a national hero. (Never mind that Din was once again the one who actually physically saved the kid) Bo takes her helmet off? Oh well she walks both worlds! Thank god we have been sent someone who can do that finally for the first time ever!!!!! (Are you fucking kidding me)

Not only have they IGNORED the character building goldmine that is Din’s journey from apostate to redemption, they’re just handing everything that’s rightfully narratively his to her. I won’t be shocked if they suddenly decide it’s fine for him to hand over the darksaber before the end of this season too. Why tf not.

I’m still not enjoying these episodes. I can’t for the life of me figure out why all of this is happening in this show. They’ve solidly set aside their main cast in favor of side characters and overarching plots that have very little to do with anything we care about in the context of this show. The Mandalorian’s strength has always been in its ability to tell a Star Wars story without relying on its audience knowing or caring about the wider universe. That’s what gained it such a huge audience in its first two seasons. Now it’s getting weighed down by the weight of a narrative that feels foreign because it’s suddenly had 80 tons of lore shoveled on top of it.

This show succeeds when it’s about characters and their journeys. Not only has it completely veered off of that, it’s few attempts to refocus back on it’s characters are feeble and stuck on the wrong people. Which isn’t to say characters like Bo-katan don’t deserve the spotlight, but they’re so show happy they could easily give her her own show. Why did we need to lose the title character of this show to lift her up? Why did we need to burn everything this show has worked up to to force in lore and wider universe stuff that have never meant anything within this context? The darksaber being in Din’s hands is the last detail they haven’t retconned from previous seasons. Like?????? Hello????

I’m aware the events going on in the background of the show will eventually effect the lives of the characters, but it’s so puzzling to me why they’ve completely gutted the character focus and switched to such a disjointed “we have to show EVERYTHING GOING ON RIGHT NOW” plan. I fell in love with this show because it was about characters making their way through the universe. Now I tune in every week praying the Star of the show gets at least five minutes of screen time. I don’t care and they haven’t done anything to make me care.

[time-was-over]

(Surface)

4 17 29

(Sunlight Zone)

8 20 24

(Twilight Zone)

4 5 8 27 29 30

(Midnight Zone)

13 15 19 20 21 22 23 29

(Abyss)

1 2 3 12 27

(Trench)

3 7 13 14 18 24 30

Unsure if it was an ask game or not but I'm asking anyways. Answer each question for the character(s) you'd have most fun with their answer for, feel free to skip numbers or add ones if there's any you really want to say that I didn't put :)

*cracks knuckes* let’s go. i’m doing this with the agents because i have a more solid understanding of their personalities than my other splat ocs

surface

4: i’ll answer this one with sigma (agent 4). her species of squid (bobtail squid) is nocturnal but she functions diurnally

17: iota (agent 8) is really good with hardware for electronics (especially computers). if you have a virus he’ll hit your computer with a hammer and it’ll work fine. he’ll explain what he did in excruciating detail if you ask.

29: iota absolutely cries easily. he cries when he drops his ice cream scoop on the ground. he would cry the hardest if he was all alone and didn’t know where anyone was.

sunlight zone

8: epsilon (cap) cannot cook. like. at all. they have a tragic lack of vegetables in their life because of this and orders food from fast food restaurants all of the time.

20: sigma has LOTS of friends. not a lot of deep-bond friends, though. if you asked her, she’d probably say something like “idk man. like at least 12.” she only tends to make surface level friends because she doesn’t really think too hard about friendships. she’s independent.

24: psi (new agent three) HATES talking. like he does sometimes, but he finds it way more interesting when someone else is talking. she is also socially inept.

twilight zone

4: HOH BOY. epsilon isn’t quick to anger, but when they do get pissed, uh. don’t expect to not get decked when they see you. with petty opinions nothing really comes to mind except for like. hating the french jellyfish because he’s an asshole

5: psi has scopophobia. it hates being perceived at all actually

8: sigma has a tattoo of a steelhead on her forearm because her partner is a steelhead that moved to splatsville because it got bored. she looks at it whenever she’s sad. bonus: her partner has a squid tattoo on its right fin

27: epsilon has a shit ton of piercings. they went to a place to get them done once and got their ears pierced. they went back a week later. they got them because an old woman had a lot of body mods and they were like ‘what if i was a cool old person. with piercings’

29: oh my god okay. so epsilon talks really slowly and uses filler words a lot. so they’ll be like ‘and so ummmmmmmmmmmmm. you should uhhhhhhh.’ for the entire conversation. sigma talks really, really fast and really really loudly. she wants to hold your attention for as long as possible. she also breaks eye contact all of the time and will walk in circles when excited or agitated. iota is mute but when he uses sign he’ll accidentally sign words twice. psi will not make eye contact at all and litters his speech with swear words, even when around young children.

30: all of them do. most common to least common:

psi, sigma, epsilon, iota

midnight zone

13: psi defaults to flight. as much as she’d like to pretend she’s tough, her brain automates to running away from difficult situations, which also catalyzes a lot of problems she has.

15: epsilon loves writing. they will write constantly. they keep a little notepad in their pocket with lines of dialogue they come up with suddenly. they have an extensive vocabulary and are pretty eloquent (except for the fact that they go ‘uhhhhhhhjhhhhhh’ every two seconds)

19: so all of them have pretty good vision except for iota, and even then, his vision is moderately bad. he can’t read well on a whiteboard from 20ft away, but honestly, who can?

20: iota just. cries. he worries about everything, but he isn’t completely helpless. he does what he can to stop stressing and goes out of his way to get rid of the stressor.

21: epsilon used to not be able to, but they’ve started to get into poems. they help a lot with relaxing

22: i feel like iota would have splatoon geocities as his only form of social media. he would have an incredibly elaborate theme and 500 blinkies

23: sigma likes cheese puffs or even just cheese. yum. she keeps processed cheese in her locker inside of a cooler so she can eat it in between matches

29: psi would use the dab for The Funny

abyss

1: epsilon steals things from makomart sometimes.

2: if tearing armies apart counts then yes for all of them. they were just kinda like ‘please have respawn machines bro’

3: sigma has a ton of scars because most of what she does is salmon run. she gets bit by chums and cohocks. the few exceptions are from her running into doors.

12: psi did that when he was younger, but he’s trying not to. she still does it in small ways, but nothing major, and she tries to apologize afterwards

27: boring answer, but no. psi probably used to believe in whatever religion is most commonplace but stopped

trench

3: (cw: sigma sees her mom dead) when sigma was 6, her mother died from cardiac arrest. it was jarring. her father was especially heartbroken and became extremely depressed. he began to neglect his kids because of this. the memory that stands out to her is walking into her parents’ room and seeing her mother slumped over in her chair. she thought she was asleep and didn’t say anything until her dad walked into the room and saw her. at first, she blamed herself for that, but she received counseling.

7: epsilon struggles with balancing work and life. they work themself to exhaustion and have no time for hobbies. iota has to make them stay home when they’re sick.

13: sigma is enigmatic. nobody really knows what’s going on with her. it’s not really because she doesn’t let people in, it’s just that nobody really asks. the few people that she’s told everything about herself to are her girlfriend and marie.

14: to psi, love at first sight is a fairy tale concept that doesn’t have any place in real life relationships. in his mind, you can’t really love someone in a romantic way until you really know them and you’re willing to give everything to them. she’s also never had a partner, so take every she says with a grain of salt.

18: iota loves watching pet videos. they make him laugh a lot and it relaxes him. it’s very easy to make him nervous so if he pulls out his phone and starts watching videos, it’s because he got scared.

24: no but i do have a couple non agent ocs who have

30: sigma got her arm bit off by a maws once when she couldn’t get out of the way in time. she walked off of the helicopter and stood in front the mr grizz statue before he said ‘Holy shit.’

[risu5waffles]

Blink and Ten

Well, it's been a hot minute, innit? Wait... i don't think that's how innit gets used. Well... whatever.

Fuuuuck the boss fight in this one. i don't know if it's some issue wiv changes between LBP2 and 3, or just poor design from the chump, but if your boss fight is lasting 14 goshdarned minutes, something has gone well sideways. The level preceding is actually pretty fun. The first act has a nice gimmick and pretty smooth flow; the second has a couple of issues wiv the speed and distance from some of the obstacles, but is overall an enjoyable bit that gets good use from the grappling hook; then the third act boss just tosses the biggest spanner in the level's momentum. The framing device of the spiteful wizard/game master is cute, tho', and the overall look hits a nice sweetspot for me.

Someone on the sbureddit had wanted the music from this one recorded, which is why i spent so much time screwing around in that first room. It looks like it's meant to be the hub/tutorial section for a multi-level sidescrolling beat 'em up, which might be fun. Shame it broke the way it did. Don't know if this was originally done in LBP2 and ported into LBP3 or what, but it looks like they were using a custom bot, and once that despawned/refused to respawn, well there goes the only way to interact wiv the level (they may have gone the bot route for sizing/proportion issues wiv the environment, which is something i've run into myself when trying to make things look properly scaled). The music was good, at least.

Now, i doubt when they made this level, the creator was thinking that 11years in the future someone would put it on YouTube and have to put that whole title on a title card and overlays, but even still... that whole title can piss up a rope. Gods but it is so awkward. And long. The level is. Well. i mean. It is a level. You can definitely say that much.

This one's fine, really. It's got a nice enough look to it, and a well-chosen Velvet Audio track to back it. Didn't really like that you have to die to pick up one of the few point bubbles, but that's a thing sometimes. i don't know, personally, if it has enough oomph to really deserve its Team Pick, but i don't know what standards they use for that at the end of the day. Plus, like, even if the Team Picks are twice monthly, that's an awful lot of them since LBP1 started. Wait. Are they twice monthly? Have they been going on since day one? Heck. i can't even remember anymore. All i'm saying is all of them are a winner, but not every one is necessarily a winner, you know? There's a LittleBigPlanetarium sticker in here. i used to have an account there. It's always a little bittersweet to see the old fansite stickers in levels.

We talked about this one last Friday. Pretty sure i've got nothing more to say about it right now.

i liked this one well-enough. It has a decent, if not particularly zippy pace to it, and the velociraptor stuff was simple, but fun. The presentation was a touch too clean for my taste, but the use of bold red highlights help keep it from looking all drab grey and brown that factory theme levels in LBP tend to drift toward; also there's some nice use of smaller stickers and decorations to give things a good texture. All that said, it has this oddly empty feeling to it that i tend to associate wiv LBP3 levels. Not, like, emotionally empty, just... i don't know... like there's too much screen and not enough in it? Does that make sense? Side note, but i'm kind of ashamed that i've known of shimokita893 as a creator forever, and only just got the pun in their name. This despite it being one that honeybunny used to say all the time.

Oof but that bounce pad bit. i think they might be too close together, and being in two different layers was making something go wonky, but that section was such a pain in the butt. Also, this level gives us a great example of why we either need checkpoints directly after mechanical heavy bits, or we have to set them up to reset after they've been passed. If you watch all the way to the end of the video (or skip there. It's ok. i don't care about my analytics), you can see a nice bit of me bricking the whole level because i died too early, and instead of having an obstacle to progress the stage again, i just had a big hole to the floor of create mode. Ope.

This is another one that really needed more playtesting and editing passes. There are a lot of breaks in the level, and communication wiv the player is... well, frequently unclear, you could say. It is very pretty, and it was kind of nice to have an excuse to play as Toggle again. Shame the whole thing is so dark, you often don't get to take in the detail work.

Nice. Ok, more seriously, we just get this one scene here, and it's presented nicely enough. A bit strange they actually let us play it, instead of locking it into a camera like you usually get wiv eyecandy-style levels. Maybe it's meant for RP? i can't say. i can say the creator left a very nice comment on my level, and i looked at their moon, and they had levels to play, and so we had an episode. That was cool. i'm trying to expand the range of creators i'm looking at.

i like this one so much. i don't know if it's the best race i've played in LBP, but it's definitely high on the list. Once it gets past a little choppiness early on in the level, it plays so smooth. So much so, i actually wanted to go back and play it (and did) multiple times to see if i could trim a little bit of time off my record, and that's a rarity for me. The way the secrets are tucked away too, is a really nice touch. It's funny, because Woutery is almost exclusively a music creator, so playing this, and it was, like, "wait, could you do this the whole time?" There is a funny little break in the level, but i don't know how i triggered it, and couldn't replicate it, so... guess its just my usual silly luck.

-------------------------------------------- So that's another 10 off the top. Hard to believe we're already at 70episodes in the series; tho', i suppose at an episode a day, they'll pile on quick. i've actually got LBsP episodes sorted (mostly. Just need b-roll for one of them) through to March 3rd, which is good, i really need the extra space so i can work on my own level for when LittleBite-sizedArchive hits 100.

[niuttuc]

March of the Machine was more of a success at capping off an arc in a mostly-satisfying way than War of the Spark was. On the story end, it still felt a bit forced at times, but at least getting twice as much room for story for the set helped (even if even more would have been welcome.) Aside from Norn, the praetors' ends were rushed past without a second look (very little of a first look even) which was disappointing after years of build-up, and stuff like Kaya killing a literal god was brushed over within a paragraph. I know there was a lot happening, but that just leaves people hanging.

Mechanically, MOM had a LOT going on. Double-faced cards everywhere, battles, every which plane represented, transforming tokens, a sheet of legends from everywhere with various mechanics,... Very complex for a premier set, but it came together as a memorable set for both limited and commander (not as much for sixty card constructed, but arriving at the tail end of standard will do that.)

Backup is probably my favorite mechanic of the entire year. It's not the most innovative mechanic (certainly not with battles in the same set), but it's quirky, versatile, and opens up synergies with plenty of older cards by being a counter-based etb that adds abilities. It's clean and plays well.

Battles are a good addition to magic. Quite strange because different, but I think they should eventually become an evergreen part of magic, or at least deciduous and used wherever they make sense. I also appreciate the sieges being made a subtype to open up designs that don't require double-faced cards eventually.

Incubators were fine, they played better than they looked, but I don't think they have too much going for them compared to regular creature tokens. Looking forward to them being added to the pool of tokens cards in supplemental products can generate, but not much more.

Convoke did its job as usual, though I will note I appreciate the shift in colors for it and most importantly the shift towards mostly instant-speed convoke cards, that plays much nicer and makes me much more interested in running the cards. To that though, it was weird that Clever Concealment, a powerful new Convoke card, was in ONE's commander precons but not in MOM's dedicated convoke precon? I know it's probably a matter of design timelines, but still.

And the phyrexian mana transforms were a neat way to open up possibilities, though I feel like they send the wrong messages to new player who expect actually paying the colored cost to matter, when the vast majority of time life is used. I also found pretty weird at first how incubators transform at instant speed but all the transforming cards in the main set do so at sorcery speed.

The Multiverses Legends were incredible to spice up limited while also displaying a wide array of showcases and fondly-remembered legends, but I will say that bonus sheets every other set is probably a bit too much. Keeping it to once a year would likely be preferable.

The team-up legends in the main set were neat to look at, and most of them actually have some good designs, but I wish more thought was put into them than "wouldn't it be cool if these two characters from plane X teamed up?"

Feedback on March of the Machine

I’m about to write this year’s “State of Design” article, and I’m interested on your feedback of March of the Machine. What did you like? What did you not like? Tell me all your thoughts. 

[casspurrjoybell-27]

Claimed by the Beast - Chapter 3a

*Warning Adult Content*

Alpha Energy - Part 1

- Knox -

It's said that God created man in his own image.

Everett calls bullshit on that.

No way is God responsible for someone like Knox.

A man who probably prefers chaos over tranquility.

His entire aura reeks of mayhem, savagery and death.

The vivid images of Shaun bleeding out on the floor of Club Inferno tumble out from the dark corners of Everett's mind whenever he tries to give his abductor the benefit of the doubt.

God didn't create Knox.

The devil did.

"You're out of your damn mind if you think I'm getting into that filthy bed with you," Everett slaps Knox's hand away from his face before turning around to snatch all the covers off the bed, including a pillow. "How often do you wash these sheets?"

"Once a week. Sometimes twice if I had company over."

"Ew. People willingly sleep with you?"

"Contrary to what you think of me, I'm not some dirty unhinged animal," Knox says. "As you can see, my bedroom is spotless. Not a single beer bottle, soda can or empty pizza box in sight. I value cleanliness despite my messy line of work."

Everett raises a judgmental brow.

"And if I were to look under your bed right now?"

"You'd find nothing but a shoebox full of mementos."

"Lies. It's probably where you keep souvenirs from all your victims... a tattered old shoebox stuffed full of teeth, fingernails and locks of hair. I know a psychopath when I see one."

Knox's laughter fills the room, something close to amusement twinkling in his eyes as he watches Everett get settled on the floor at the foot of the bed.

"You're serious right now?"

"As the heart attack I wish you'd have, yes I am."

"Fine. If your stubborn ass wants to sleep on this rock-hard floor, then by all means, be my fucking guest. I won't beg you to reconsider."

Everett curses under his breath after Knox stomps his way into the bathroom.

Everett hears the faint sound of clothes hitting the floor, then the shower turns on a few minutes later.

He doesn't think twice about taking advantage of being unsupervised.

He tiptoes to the bathroom and peers inside.

Knox didn't shut the shower door all the way, so Everett can see every inch of him from behind.

A massive tattoo covers his entire back. It's of an angel wearing a broken crown, a few feathers falling from its enormous black wings.

The amount of detail put into the elegant work of art would've brought a tear to Everett's eyes if he cared.

Too bad he doesn't.

More important matters are at stake, and getting his cell phone back takes priority over everything else.

'Pull it together, Everett. Don't get distracted.'

Glossing over Knox's plump ass and muscular thighs the size of a tree trunk, Everett spots Knox's jeans lying on the floor by the toilet.

Everett's cell phone is hanging out of the left back pocket, just begging for someone to snatch it up.

'This is such a stupid move but I have to try something.'

Everett crouches low to the ground and takes two steps forward, his right arm extended as he reaches for the jeans.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, kitten."

"Ah," Everett shrieks and staggers backward, landing on his ass. "What the hell, man? Do you have eyes in the back of your fat head or what?"

Knox turns around slowly, his grey eyes blazing.

He's dripping wet and covered in suds of soap, unashamedly flashing all that the devil blessed him with.

Everett can't help but lower his gaze.

How can he not look?

Apart from Knox's fat head, his fat cock is the second biggest thing on his body.

It's intimidating even while flaccid, long and thick, slightly curved.

Overall impossible for any normal human being to take inside themselves.

"Unless you need my help with something, I suggest you get up and leave."

Knox snaps his fingers when Everett doesn't immediately respond.

"Hey. Eyes up here."

He gestures toward his face, smirking while Everett picks his jaw up from the floor.

"I'm starting to remember how you called me a pervert earlier..."

Everett scowls and stands on wobbly legs, his hands balled into fists at his sides.

"I want my cell phone."

"You'll get it back when I decide to give it to you."

"Why are you being so damn difficult? I just want to check on my friends and let my parents know I'm still alive. If you won't kill me, then at least let me have this one thing."

Knox shakes his head and returns to showering.

"Not right now."

Everett yells every curse word he can think of as he grabs the closet thing beside him, a bottle of air freshener sitting on the bathroom sink.

He chucks it at Knox, who narrowly avoids getting his head split open by the metal can.

"I can't wait to kill you in your sleep tonight."

"Would fucking love for you to try it, kitten. All the more reason for me to tie you up and never let you go."

Knox winks at Everett and it does nothing but get under his flushed skin.

"I hope you slip and fall in there."

Everett flips Knox the bird before spinning around and marching straight for the bedroom door, opening it and slamming it shut behind him.

The chances of him finding the exit before getting caught are high, but it beats sitting around doing nothing.

Anything is better than succumbing to the dark thoughts presently bouncing off the walls of his mind.

The amount of therapy he'll need after this will surely end up costing him triple of what he currently owes in student loans. Jeez Louise, how big is this place?

The Fallen Angels live in a large three-story house that feels never-ending and is way too tidy, considering it's home to a group of rowdy bikers.

Everett walks past bedroom after bedroom, and the few people that he crosses paths with don't look at him twice.

Do they already know that he's here because of Knox, and not by choice?

Is it pointless to ask someone for help?

'This is what I get for messing with bad boys.I swear I'm only dating librarians after tonight... if I'm lucky enough to make it to tomorrow.'

Everett sniffles his way onto the first floor.

He slows to a stop a few feet away from the spacious kitchen, which is where he finds a group of scantily clad women.

They're sitting at the kitchen table talking and laughing.

When a short blonde dressed in nothing but a pair of lacy panties locks eyes with Everett, she points and makes him the center of attention.

"Look. There's the kid who fucked Cole up. Scrawny little thing, isn't he?"

"Yeah. Not Knox's type at all, but he's already been in his bedroom." Another woman whispers, though not low enough.

"Why is he keeping him around?"

"I've asked myself the same thing about a thousand times," Everett interjects, boldly staring ahead.

The woman talking shit swiftly blushes from embarrassment.

"Well, this just got awkward..."

"Not at all! Come on over and have a seat, sugar. I heard you're stuck with us for the night. Or several."

The pregnant redhead smiles and waves him over.

She has kind green eyes and is the only one at the table sporting a gigantic rock on her left ring finger. 

"Don't be shy. We don't bite."

"Oh, I definitely bite," the blonde laughs and then stands to offer her seat up.

"But my man isn't one for sharing, so you have nothing to worry about around me."

"Yeah, no... I don't swing that way anyway, so I guess I can say the same to you," Everett replies, making most of the women crack up laughing.

He takes the blonde's seat after she leaves.

"Does anyone have a phone I can borrow? Mine is presently being hijacked by the asshole you all call Knox."

"Hey, now. Watch how you're talking about my best friend."

The redhead teases, lightly bumping shoulders with him.

"None of us are stupid enough to go against Knox, so I'm afraid we can't help you there. But if you're hungry or whatever, there's a pot of lasagna in the oven and tons of snacks in the cupboards. Make yourself at home."

"No," Everett shouts, slamming his hands down on the table as his frustration boils over the edge.

"This isn't my home. How are you people okay with me being kidnapped? Does this happen often around here? I could literally die tonight and you'd all be accomplices to my murder. Are none of you fucking bothered by this?"

"Ladies, can you please give us the room?" the redhead softly announces, showcasing she has some sort of power around here apart from the men.

[lady-ashfade]

I’m right here.

Plot: When cooking for your tired wife, she comes down stairs in a sad state and you comfort her. But nothing is ever as it seems, is it?

Note: I had a plan with this one and it mostly keep to its point. Doctor strange spoilers. Also a weird lay out. I edited this late a night so if I come across any mess ups later I will change them.

Warnings: Makeouts, kissing, kinda spice but nothing bad. Just heated. Kinda scary at points I guess..Really just hot Wanda.

Part two if needed? Idk.

You hummed in question to yourself as you taste some of the soup you’ve been making. Something was off but you couldn’t place it, you wished Wanda was awake.

She always told you want you needed, but she also loved your cooking. You never had to worry that she would get tired of you needing her help sometimes.

As you continue to stir the soup in the pot you heard the creaking of the stairs, you knew they belong to your wife.

“Honey, you’re supposed to be sleeping. You’ve had a hard day at work” You raised your voice for you wife to hear.

You waited for her response, saying something along the lines of her not needing rest or something that wasn’t true. But all you could hear was her footsteps getting closer to you.

“The silent treatment? Oh what have I done to deserve-“ You turned around and stop mid sentence upon seeing the face of your lover.

Tears packed in her eyes and the smile on her face was sad but also looked like relief. She looked broken, and that killed you.

“Oh, honey.” You dropped your spoon on the corner of the pot and went to her, wrapping your arms around her. Bringing her close to your body, and you’ve never felt her react so quickly.

Wanda let out a sob as she finally felt you in her arms. She closed her eyes and held you back, afraid that something might take you away.

“You wanna talk about it?” You said as your hand ran its way up and down her back. You’d hoped that it would comfort her.

“Just missed you is all” You pulled away from her and put a hand to her cheek to wipe away the tears.

“I’m right here” you looked into her eyes as she gave you a smile. “And you always will be” she said and put her head to yours.

“Dinner is almost ready but I did have a problem with-” The words were muffled as you felt her lips on yours. You were taken aback but kisses her back when you gather yourself.

She wrapped her hand around your waist and gripped onto your skin. You gasped against her lips and you held onto her for dear life. God you loved it when she was like this.

She pulled away, much against your little whine from the lose of her lips. “Dinner sounds amazing, what were you saying?” You blushed and pulled away from her and went back over to the oven.

“It’s messing something but I can’t decide what it is?” You grabbed the spoon again and scooped some of the soup into it. You turned to Wanda as she stepped forward and took the spoon from you.

You waited a minute for her response, you watched as her facial expressions changed every second “Add a little more salt” you groan and pulled the spoon back from her.

“The last time I added more salt you didn’t like it” Wanda laughed at your pouting face. “That’s because you added twice the amount I said” You rolled your eyes at her once again and turned around and added some more salt.

Wanda watches you work, the only odd thing about it was her eyes turned red. She grabbed ahold of the counter in anger. That wasn’t your Wanda, no.

Your real wife- Your Wanda wasn’t in control anymore. No, one that had lost you before found you again and she wouldn’t give up so easily. Or at all. But your Wanda was somewhere in there, just stuck and being hidden.

“Let me out” but her screams did nothing.

“Don’t hurt her” She begged, over and over again. She was on her knees at this point. She was pleading to the one that had control over her body.

The scarlet witch.

“Don’t worry she’ll be just fine, but I can’t say the same about you” The scarlet witch took ahold of her cheek giving her a sinister smile.

“I can’t believe it was just salt! I swear I can’t do anything with out you” you stated as you turned off the stove top. You went to move but your waist was now being held by the hands of your lover.

“You’ll never be without me, dear. I’ll always take care of you” Her voice slight changed but as she left soft kisses on the side of your neck. You quickly forgot.

“You’re very touchy tonight but I’m not complaining” you put your hands on the ones that where across your waist. She stopped kissing your neck and rested her head on your shoulder. Wanda let out a soft giggle.

“I’ll always touch what’s mine, you are mine?” Her grip on around your waist got a little tighter. She’s done this before when she’s in a mood so you think nothing of it. Why would you?

“All yours, wanda” You smiled and leaned back into her embrace. “Good girl” you blushed at her words.

There was only one thing on the scarlet witches mind that night, that had been and forever will be.

“I’ll protect you”

[yrluvjane]

Sometimes things get Sirius

Sirius Black x fem!reader

(There is some slightly mature language to this.)

You grimaced as the pink and purple goo fell all over you and began spilling to the ground. You knew the glittery substance would take hours if not days to get out of your hair and uniform.

As the crowd around you began laughing loudly, you wiped some of the goo off your eyes and swiveled towards the four infamous boys, who have made the past four years hell for you.

You had believed that they would stop since it is your sixth year and they would be busy studying just like you and everyone else in their grade. However, it seems as though no amount of work and punishment could stop the mischievous boys from pranking others- and by others you mean you.

The four leaned back on the stone walls of the castle, falling over each other as they fell into hysterical laughter. “Oh merlin! I-I can't breathe.” James huffed out as he clutched his stomach.

“Oh I’ll make sure you lose the ability to breathe at all!” You snapped tripping once or twice while making your way to them, which only fueled your anger more. “You gotta admit, Y/n....That was fucking hilarious.” Sirius says and he high-fives the rest of his stupid group.

“Well I hope you'll find it hilarious when I choke the life out of you!” Shouting you lunged at Sirius, but before you could even touch him, light blue ropes held you back, and stuck you to the ground.

“What is going on?!” McGonagall's voice rings out the corridor, silencing all the students. Her eyes find your sparkling figure (as if it was hard to miss, you looked like a bloody pink disco ball) and then found the four troublesome boys.

“Run!” James shouts. He breaks into sprint, following by the three as McGonagall shouts out them. You knew even if McGonagall didn't let them off and decided to scold them and give them detention; all her words would go into one ear and out the other barely passing their brains (If they even have those).

“EVERYONE BACK TO CLASS!” McGonagall shouts as the crowd disperses leaving only you and her in the hallway. With a wave of her wand the blue roped disappear allowing you to freely move. You try to wipe some of the goo off but it doesn't work. You sigh tiredly, and somehow you feel helpless and small.

“Oh I'm sorry, dear.” The transfiguration Professor says. She tries to cast a cleaning spell on you but it doesn't work. As if The Marauders would let you off easily.

“Don't bother; I have been trying that for the past four years. I think I've memorized every cleaning spell there ever was.”

“I truly do apologi-”

“Its fine, Professor. Can I can take the rest of the day off, please?” You asked and were slightly happy when she agrees. The moment she leaves you begin making your way to the second floor bathroom, where you know no one is going to be there, considering the fact it was out of order, and was haunted by Moaning Myrtle.

Who better than a ghost to join your pity party? You thought sarcastically.

So for next two hours, you tried to get most of the thick and sticky slime of you as you ranted and rambled to Myrtle, who you found out, was a very good listener. “Why?! Why is it always me?! I have never not been nice to any of them!” You complained as tried peel some out of your skirt but only kept stretching the more you pulled.

“God…” You sighed as you gave up and looked at yourself in the mirror; even after hours of work you were still 80%  slime. Most of the slime was on your head, which meant you currently had pink hair that sparkled in the sunlight. You silently hoped that if the marauders saw you later your hair would blind them.

“Boys, I never liked them anyway. I always found them so mean and judging, they too liked to pick on me, the girls too. Although I can’t say my bullies were as…creative as yours.” Myrtle said in her hollow and eerie voice, floating behind you, looking you up and down.

“Oh I’m sorry Myrtle; I didn’t mean to bring up unhappy memories.”

“No it’s fine. It’s actually nice to have someone to talk too. Almost no one comes here, and when they do they never come back.” The dead girl said, she sighed and floated to her little window then look down at you from up there. “Will you come back?”

“I’ll try too, I’m usually quite busy with my N.E.W.T’s and all but if I’m free and have no studies to finish, I’ll come.” You said with a small smile that was met with big and happy one. “Oh how lovely, you should hurry up and finish, there isn’t long to lunch.”

“Thanks, Myrtle. Have fun alright, try talking to other ghosts. Maybe you’ll make friends.”

“Maybe…Have a good day or the rest of it anyway.”

You slumped you way back to the Gryffindor common, which made you: became the gossip to all of the portraits, Peeves new favorite victim, Filch’s latest catch and last but not least the laughing stock of any passing Ghosts and students.

Thank you, Marauders.

Apparently you looked so horrifying that Isabelle, the fat lady, let out a gasp so loud and sharp it woke any and every portrait that were hung on the large four tower walls that surrounded the staircases.

And as if your day got any worse, you were personally welcomed by The Marauders themselves.

“Wow, Y/n you look great! Do something to your hair?” Sirius says with a smirk as those scattered around the common room laughed.

“Thanks, Sirius…I’ll just go.” You replied, too tired to deal with any of them anymore.

“Oh but the fun hasn’t even started yet!” Remus shouts as you walk up the stairs gaining more attention than you hoped for.

“Oh God, I heard about what happened I just didn’t think it was this bad.” You turned around and faced your best friend and roommate, Dorcus, with a sad smile.

“Hey, how was Charms?”

“Tiring, I took notes for you.”

“Thanks, Dor… Wait, what are you even doing here? Shouldn’t you have Divination right now?”

“Not yet, Trelawney said some of us could ‘suffer great danger’ if we went now, the class was postponed an hour or so. Come; let’s get this stuff of you.”

So you had spent the rest of the day, running around the castle trying to find Professor Slughorn and Madam Promfrey.

To say you were exhausted the next day was an understatement.

Not only did you feel like shit, because of all the potions you ingested; but Professor Sinstra, the Astrology teacher, decided to have a pop quiz and then decided to pair you up with non-other Sirius Fucktard Black.

"I really have to, love. You look Gorgeous, stunning even. Done something new? Blush? Lipstick?... Hair?" He tried to hide a snort as he suggested the last word.

You silently glared at him with the heat of a thousand suns. "I know I'm breathtaking but it's still rude to stare." He said, with his smug face, which looked quite punchable at the moment.

You huffed and turned facing the other side. You angrily stared at the map under you. While astronomers saw rabbits, cats and lions, you saw a pan, an upside-down spoon and a triangle with hair.

You sighed running your hands down your face. Next thing you know the whole class was laughing. You looked up trying to figure out what they were laughing at only to realize it was you.

They were laughing at you.

Because someone had changed the natural color of your hair to the most vibrant shade of red.

You clutched the strands of your hair and looked up seeing Sirius's wand in your direction.

You slammed your head against the table and groaned as Professor Sinstra start to scold Sirius, who didn't even bother to pretend to pay attention.

"Y/n, darling, I have to say-" He began but stopped short once he saw you.

You had pulled out a hair claw, twisted you hair and clasped it.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at you with a suspicious look. You met his eyes and shook your head. "What?" You asked as Professor Sinstra finally managed to silence the class.

"What are you doing?" Sirius replied furrowing his brows at you.

"Nothing. Let's finish this; I've got a thing later."

"What type of 'thing'?"

"The 'None of your business' type of thing."

Even though you got back to your work, you felt Sirius's eyes burn a hole through your head the entire day.

The next day you had a bucket of ice water drench you just as you were leaving for breakfast.

The day after, someone had swapped all your writing ink with squid ink.

Then someone charmed all your notes into paper planes.

And today your quills mysteriously turned into birds in transfiguration.

And by 'someone' you meant The Marauders. But with every prank a part of you began building an immunity of sorts.

You stopped caring. It would only last a year or so. You thought. You'd graduate in a year and you'd never have to see their stupid, arrogant faces.

So what if you got drenched, you'll dry.

If they switched your writing ink to squid, you could switch it back.

If they transfigured your stuff you could just reverse it.

You sat on your bed, dressed in pastel blue pajamas with five books scattered in front of you.

You sighed, looking down on your notes (which you had to rewrite) then staring up to your reflection in the wardrobe mirror.

Tired and distracted you decided to get some fresh air. It was around 11, your roommate was asleep snuggled in a large soft-looking blanket.

You piled your books over the nightstand and slipped on your slippers. You tip-toed down the stairs quietly avoiding making sound as much as possible.

The last thing you needed to top of your week was getting caught sneaking out after curfew.

The breezy night provided a beautiful and much -needed change of atmosphere. In the night with swaying trees and the sound of waves, you felt un-caged.

For the first time this year, you didn't feel worried or stressed or sad or as though you failed in life.

You felt free.

You walked around the edge of the forest for a while before deciding to head to the lake.

But the more you walked, the more you had this weird feeling someone was watching you.

You sat across the lake throwing small rocks at it, watching as they made small circular waves.

The castle was a good distance now, which meant there was an almost impossible chance someone would know sneaked out.

You took a deep breath, inhaling the salty and earth-y yet refreshing scent of your surroundings.

As you stared up at the crescent moon, you thought of your future life. You wanted to become an Unspeakable. But because Unspeakables weren’t allowed to speak of their job or life (Hence the name) you didn’t know what to take.

So you were faced to take all the O.W.L’s and all N.E.W.T’s, which caused multiple challenges and problems for you. You had to study most of your subjects on your own, since you couldn’t actually attend all the classes and that led to you not being able to go to Hogsmede or hang out with your friends.

There had once been a period were you were so stressed that you skipped meals and barely ate and ended up unconscious as you left the common room. Ironically, it had been Sirius Black that found you and carried you all the way to Madam Promfrey and called Professor McGonagall.

According to Poppy, Sirius had spent the whole night at the infirmary, refusing to leave; even when McGonagall threatened him with various detentions.

When you found out you were shocked and thought this was his way of turning over a new leaf, However; that went down the drain when he and his little group thought it’d be funny to hide your stuff all around the castle.

Your thoughts were abruptly frozen when you heard a noise come from the forest. It was so dark that you could barely make out the branches of some of the trees. You cursed yourself for forgetting your wand.

You narrowed your eyes at the sound, trying to focus your vision to make out a shadow of the being that was intruding on your ‘me time’, as the Muggles say.

You raised your palm, ready to cast a wandless incendio if anything dangerous came out. You weren’t exactly frightened, you came to this spot a lot and so Hagrid gave you a few private lessons on all the main things to know about the forests.

The dark figure was getting closer and you narrowed your eyes further, daring them to come closer.

“Hello, gorgeous,” Sirius Black says with his infamous smirk as he walks out of the shadows, like a level 10 psychopath.

“What are you doing here?!” You whisper-shouted at the boy. “Have you gone insane?! I was two seconds away from roasting you!” You say outraged as he calmly sits down next you, legs stretched, leaning back on his palms.

“Lovely night, isn’t it?”

You stared at his face with wide eyes before you threw your hands up in the air in defeat.

“Yeah, it’s a great night.” You said sarcastically.

“This is what a guy gets when he tries to be nice.”

“Nice?” You scoffed, “I think it would physically kill you to try and be civil let alone nice.”

“Is it so hard for you to believe that I can be nice? Yeah, I know. I can be a twat. And I don’t always want to prank you-”

“Then why do it?”

“Because it’s the only way I can get your attention?” He said looking at you as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I’m sorry?”

“Ever since third year, where you chose all the classes, which I didn’t even think was possible, you been like a ghost. You’re either in class, in the library or in your room. And even when you’re in the great hall you’re like a mindless zombie.” He turns to you, his eyes boring into yours with sadness roaming in them.

“Remember in first and second year, where you actually spoke to us. When you went to our games or you hanged out with us in the courtyard or helped us with our homework. Where’s that Y/n? At first we thought of the prank as nothing but a joke, hoping you would come back.”

You swallowed, not expecting how this conversation turned out. “You left and never came back. You left us after you promised you wouldn’t…you left me.”

“Sirius…” You took a few seconds to look into his eyes, getting lost in the depths of his grey orbs. Your face is inches from Sirius’. You find yourself completely captured by his gaze, eyes boring into you and holding you prisoner, refusing to release you from the trance you’re in.

You felt guilty and sad and there was another emotion swirling in the pit of your chest. You couldn’t help but truly look at him. This was Sirius. He looked so vulnerable, so open. Even if you haven’t had a civil conversation with him in years.

You knew Sirius had his mask on. Always.

A mask of happiness even when he was sad.

A mask of courage even if he was scared.

A mask of safety even when he was hurt.

But this Sirius, the one in front of you, was mask less. He looked broken, sad and hurt. And somehow it pushed you back to second year. Right after the sorting, you remembered Sirius crying and whimpering on the ground.

You remembered cleaning the wounds his father caused, you remember him telling you he was threatened to not speak a word to his brother, that if he did his little brother would suffer worse.

You remembered holding Sirius the whole night promising you will never leave.

You remembered promising yourself you’ll never let Sirius feel like this again.

When you looked up at him again he was much closer than he was before. Your nose was brushing his as his eyes settled on your lips before facing yours once more. You were sharing breaths and you were gasping softly, both of your breaths felt as if they weighed a hundred tons.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispers, wetting his lips with his tongue.

“Please,” you breathe, already leaning in.

Fireworks exploded in your head as your lips meet his; he keeps a firm but gentle grip on your face, a great contrast to the kiss, which was heated and desperate.

You let yourself be carried away by the moment, losing yourself in his mouth and in the warmth of his body next to yours. Without parting your lips with his, you climb on top of Sirius swiftly, hiding your fingers in his hair. His hands were quick to rub your thighs up and down eagerly.

“Y/n!” he moaned into your mouth.

Sirius planted a kiss on your neck. It started as something innocent, a mere brush of his lips on your skin, but it intensified as the seconds passed.

His lips caressed every inch of skin within reach, sucking and biting delicately until they left marks that would not disappear quickly. You closed your eyes enjoying the waves of electricity that coursed through your body at his assault on your skin.

Your grip on his hair tightened and he let out a low moan that vibrated against your neck and went straight to your core.

Sirius' wet kisses trailed up your throat until they reached your mouth, where he joined your lips once more in a desperate kiss. He trapped your upper lip between his, his tongue exploring your mouth expertly.

And so you got lost in Sirius, you fell and fell deep; entranced by his stormy eyes and suffocating lips.

 The light hit your lidded eyes, beckoning them open. You turned to your side desperate for more sleep. You tried to fall back into your dream a deep chuckling caught your ears. You snapped your eyes open, horrified when you saw Sirius laying next you, shirtless and a smile on his face.

“Morning.” He said but your head was still in shock. You blinked stupidly and tried to desperately remember what happened last night. You sat up quickly rubbing your eyes only to realize you were only in your underwear. You snatched the blanket you were sleeping on and covered yourself.

“There’s isn’t really anything to hide after last night, darling.” Sirius said amused, sitting causing his blanket to trail down. Your face flushed red as you shot him a glare. “Screw you!”

“You already did but I won’t say no to a round 2.”

You looked at him with wide eyes. “We didn’t…did we?” You asked your voice rising in pitch.

“Not all the way. I would never to that, not like this.” He said seriously, surprising you.

“I’m gonna go.” You said awkwardly as hid behind a tree and put on your pajamas.

“Y/n wait!”

You turned and faced Sirius, your face growing redder as you caught him dressing. He took his wand out and transfigured the blankets back into his shirt before putting on.

“You transfigured your shirt into blankets?”

“Well I couldn’t exactly let you sleep on the ground or get cold.”

“I…”

“Let me walk you back?…Please?”

“Sure.” You said as he smiled and jogged up to you.

You walked in awkward silence, or at least it was awkward for you. Sirius, on the other hand, looked as if he was having a mental battle in his head. “Penny for your thoughts?”  You questioned.

“Oh, sorry. Um…What- Are you free next Hogsmede?” He asked, stepping in your way and pausing you.

You looked at him surprised. Was he…going to ask you out? You wondered with a tilt of your head.

“I wasn’t planning on going.” You said and felt slightly bad when you saw his face fall. “Oh. Okay…uhm.” He said.

“But I guess it’s not too late to free my day. Why?” You asked hoping he would take up the opening. You bit your lip, nervously; you weren’t sure but there was a part of you that did want Sirius to ask you out.

“Would like to go to Hogsmede…like on a date?” He asked nervously, “With me.” He then clarified.

“An actual date? Not a hook up or a prank?” You asked, fiercely staring him down.

“No! No! No! A date. A real date with me. We don’t have to go to Hogsmede…we could have a picnic here at the lake. Or go flying at the Pitch Or-”

“Yeah, Hogsmede sounds nice.” You said as he looked up at you with wide eyes. He was about to say something but you held a finger up, shutting him. “But…If this ends up being a prank or a way to get into my pants. I will hurt you.”

“I wouldn’t- No! I want, I’ve wanted to for three years.” He said, genuinely.

“…Don’t play with my heart. Not like you do with others.”

And with complete sincerity, Sirius’ replied, “I would never play with something so priceless.”

.

.

@twerkforsheep, I hope you liked it and is what you asked for.

[amorevolousfaith]

Mando Fic Recs

Basically a collection of Din Djarin Smut listed under slightly specific categories that I've probably read more than twice.

SO MINORS BEGONE

Blogs - authors I follow and frequently read from

@the-scandalorian - Their writing so raw and in depth to me and I honestly could not recommend a better writer than this one right here. I’ve list lots of their fics below but make sure to check out their blog masterlist and follow them.

@mandos-sluts - does a lot of fics that involves exhibitionism and more than one person. Which personally I always struggle with so this writer is like a god in my eyes. 

@absurdthirst - Pollen Fic ROYALTY right here guys, love all their fics and would recommend ANYTHING on their masterlist. Their little day to day rants and blurbs are great too.

@man-slut-mando - Man is out here doing god’s work, and if that god happened to be named Sin that’s fine with me. This man’s voice is top tier work it’s self the fact he can modulate it makes it even better. Can not and will not recommed a better blog for audio works.

Pollen/ Drugged Fics which can also double as The Breeding kink Fics - Because those ALWAYS come out good.

Chemical Feelings by @absurdthirst - I really like this fic, if your new to the concept of pollen fics I recommend this one first, because it gives you an idea of whats going on before you get into the heavier stuff. All in all a great starter fic for the category. 

Dosed by @absurdthirst - First of all I’d like to point out this is one of my Favorite authors. Second, The plot line of how this all came to be was just too funny to pass up. Because who wouldn’t read how Mando got drugged at a Gas station and Shan’s lowkey gremlin behavior.

hunting on a foreign planet by @mandalorianfantasy - like the fic before the plot line of how this came to be is just too funny to pass up, only you just don’t know it until you read it. The reader is a fucking idiot but hey we love her effort. The smut was just as entertaining because Mando is just like what the fuck is happening but fuck it. And I’m living for it.

Fever In my eyes by @221bshrlocked - another good pollen fic then one a little more serious than the last two, once again breeding kink! There’s quite a bit of Mando’a in this one which I can appreciate, and I love how reluctant Mando starts off as before slowly its being chipped away. The header is to die for too.

Unfettered by @the-scandalorian - There are two version of the this fic, this one tell what happens if the chains hold. That’s all your gonna get because honestly it’s just so good I don’t wanna ruin it. But I will tell you the switch between Mando and who ever the hell that other guy was is so amazing, like fuck I wish I could write like that.

Unrestrained by @the-scandalorian - this is the other part to the two version fic, telling about what happens if the chains DON’T hold. Like I said before I don’t want to ruin it. BUT the blood rushing chase scene is so fucking amazing, a master piece really.

Antigen by @djarinsbeskar - oof when I tell you guys this fic is feral I’m telling you its FERAL. Like I’m talking raw animalistic instincts and this fic is probably one of the best pollen fics out there. Like breeding kink on POINT, and let me tell you as someone who consumed just about every breeding fic she can get her hands on defiantly one of the best. This fic alone is in my top three.

Periods - Because I’ve been there done that, and highly recommend, If not then just read these.

Kinktober Day: 28 by @mandosbinkie - I really loved the progression of mando slowly figuring out the little ins and outs of a womans cycle. Like This is a thing now? to I could go along with this! I also loved that snip of aggressiveness at the end because fuck ain’t that a mood.

Period Request by @mandosbinkie - loved how this one was wrote that Mando being the caring man he is ACTUALLY did his research, plus the side commentary was golden. But then we got along to fact where he just like FORGOT until it came time to put it use. But for some reason or another I just really like what he says at the end, I don’t know I just like it.

Threesome or More - because sometimes you need a little more spice to that spicy life.

Troublemaker by @housekenobi - Because Din is a tired dad just trying to sleep but he also deserves to get laid. Not to mention Boba out here being a fucking fiend like we don’t already know the man doesn’t possess a single ounce of shame in his body.

Open Hatch by @mandos-sluts by far one of my most favorite pieces simply because of the dynamic. Mando comes off a little dick-ish but hey I’m not complaining. The degradation is out of this world guys like, I’m pretty sure I learned a new way to write rough smut from this fic alone.

Boba and Din by @saradika - one of the authors I follow. This was requested and doesn’t even have a title but its my favorite threesome fic so I don’t care. SO let me tell you, this was the first threesome fic I read for this fandom and I have not read one that can top it. I love how it starts off and love the cute little snippy prompt, but fuck let me tell you when Din got thrown into the mix I was hooked. Like YES I want them to flirt with each other, YES I want them to spur each other on, BUT WHY isn’t there a part 2. I really need a part 2 guys.

Din, Luke, and Reader By @bsxcrxts​ - Not really a fic more like a headcannon in a non headcannon fashion. But look we ALLLL look for that Mando-Jedi parallel and lets face it the whole concept is hot. A Mando who doesn’t know how to stop giving and a Jedi who doesn’t know how is just the thing we all dream of being caught in the middle of. 

Bets/ On the Job - sometimes we fight, sometimes we just need to fuck it out.

The Ambiguous Bet by @mandos-sluts - another one from my favorite author. Not gonna lie when I started reading this my thought was this bitch done bit off more than she can chew and Mando’s gonna have to come save her ass. Well, Mando did come, but it was NOT to save her. The man got every little credit worth of what he spent in this fic.

Beskar and Lace by @firstofficerwiggles - not really a ‘bet’ kinda fic, but the reader is like 'Bet'. Its a kinda 'sure okay MANDO let me just DO this for you' kinda vibe. You’ll understand when you read it but, if you are looking for the tension fic OF ALL tension fics its right fucking here. Like this author DRAGGED it out, and its fucking beautiful.

Happenstance by @the-scandalorian - this fic is more on the ‘on the job’ side of things. Classic there’s only one bed, but I’m living for the reader's I’m too fucking tired to care attitude. I also like how theres little clipped scenes where both of them wake up with their hands on each other. It eventually leads to the smut we all want and I love this kinda sleepy but not sleepy stress induced sex haze.

Sequins And Wounds by @djarrex - I think why I like this is because even if it would suit Mando he not about matter of convince. He’s a very cautious man and would normally NEVER just go for it the way he did here. Another thing I liked, something I just got a kick out of, was the costumer service conflict. I can not TELL you how many times I’ve needed a shot before dealing with a costumer and if I knew I wouldn’t get fired there would be a bottle of tequila in my bag before I go into work. so after all that the Smut was just the icing on the cake. I loved the ripping of the dress and the buying of the new one, top tier good boy behavior right there folks.

Fluff/ Softness- Because it what we DESERVE.

Light Sleeper by @honeymandos - because the kid isn’t the only reason why Mando is always grumpy and tired. The reader, unlike me, is a light sleeper, Mando goes bump in the night, smut insues. Over all just soft and well deserved for Mando.

The ‘We Have To Blend In’ fics can also double as Jealously fics - I always love these because you never really know how things are going to go or how they’ll end.

The Salacious Cantina by @mandos-sluts - another author I follow. In this particular fic the reader is NOT happy. She gets over it. But anyway they’re trying to ‘blend in’ but these two still idiots still get called out. Totally worth it though.

Make you Mine by @xcertaindarkthingsx - another great example of going under cover but someone has be an idiot. Otherwise known as Mando get Jealous at work. Pretty much reader gets pushed into the frey for one job and it all goes to hell, man can’t keep his hands to himself so Mando gets possessive. 

Bite Marks by @sirius - Jealous Mando strikes again, loved that part of What is that? When the reader pulled out the dress she was gonna wear. Not to mention the term dudbro was used which is comedy gold. But then tension gets high and Mando nearly fucks the mission, a fight will result, then aggressive smut then after because that’s what we came here for.

When Shit gets Real - basically a collection of fics where shit goes down and theres smut.

The Best Things Dwell Out of Sight by @beskar-cowboy - This smut is apart of a series, but I’m just gonna list this right here. So basically one poorly timed moment causes a very oh-shit-what-the-fuck moment. The helmet has been was removed, I repeat the helmet was removed. Then there’s a moment where its like I don’t really know what to do with you so I’m just gonna fuck you. so yeah, I fucking loved it. 

Rage by @the-scandalorian - I think this is one of my top three all time favorites. Like I read it once then lost it and I went of six hour search through tumblr to find it again. But basically a job goes south and Mando being the fucking WARRIOR he is basically goes feral. Like the fight alone is ALL the foreplay, tension, and build up you need. And then , AND THEN, the smut is so raw, so full of need. Just fucking read the fic, you’ll see why it’s in my top three.

Series- because one post isn’t enough and I need more.

A very good night - @prolix-yuy THEE BEST™ Smut Series. Like Its a THREE part saga. but anyway each little series if basically one big smut fic where it’s broken down in the most delicious of ways and no I will not get over it. I what to be burned with this fic and take it to the afterlife with me. If you are reading this now I DEMAND you go read this fic and support this author because their mind if fucking magical. 

Bloodlust by @dindjarindiaries - This one is not finished, and I’m not sure if it will have a smut but his does get spicy. This is one of my favorite Mando series outside its cannon storyline. It has some Book Of Boba Fett spoilers so be warned, but other than that it’s mostly its own timeline. I love this because Din is finding the courage to function without his helmet, and even though he’s kinda a nervous wreak he still my favorite morally grey man who would kill you for a bag of credits. Boba Fett and his sidekick Shan are still being written in true gremlin behavior and I’m living for it. But my favorite thing about this fic is that it’s a whole undercover mission where the reader and Din find excuses to get spicy with each other and that my friends is Prime We have to blend in trope. My last and final note I will say is that Jealousy is a bitch but fuck she has a great sense of humor, no I will not elaborate.

Prompts/ Request Fic - Because sometimes the best thing come when you have nudge in the right direction.

show me, feel me, teach me by @parker-razor​ - Ooooh honey when I say innocence Kink I mean INNOCENCE KINK! I don’t know if I love more the learning process or the fact that this just started as a drinking game. The humor is one point too, love the fact that Mando had asked if she was saving herself, which those words specifically  paired with the awkwardness of the tone cracked me up. But from there it just escalates and I really don’t want to spoil anything so yes Read this. 10/10. would recommend. 

The ‘How Long Have You Been Standing There’ Fic by @just-here-for-the-moment - This is one of those fics where the tension will kill you before the smut does. It doesn’t help that this fic in particular is a double whammy with the breeding kink I practically LIVE for. But this fic was requested/ prompted so it goes here. But let me say this if Mando said half the shit he says in this fic he won’t be walking either if I had a say.

#15 and #9 by @letterfromvienna - its just a cheeky little fic with some bite to it. you know you have your usual bickering, can’t keep your hands to yourself kinda smut. Honestly its a great fic you don’t want something super soft or super rough.

Gold Chain by @queridopascal - I don’t know guys there's something I find extremely hot about this, I don’t even think I can explain this one. But hey, this author did a great fucking job writing this out for me, and honestly I’d be the person to pull on it like a collar.

Headcannons - because I like to be angry when there isn’t a fic about a fantastic idea.

Running Make-up and blindfold by @winchesterxxi - because running make-up is a tell tale sign that they know their shit. Mando may not seem like the type but I bet he’d get a kick out of seeing a little bit of smudged make-up and this headcannon only feeds that theory.

Fucking you in front of a bounty by @mandosbinkie - this may have more than one person, but it’s written as a headcannon so it’s gonna go here. Anyway alpha male front and center, one bounty doesn’t know how to shut the fuck up and YOU have to pay the price. Not really much of a price, I’d let him keep talking of Mando continues to retaliate in that way. 

Audio - No will not be taking questions at this time

The Mandalorian Hunts you and then he fucks you - look I found this and one of my philosophies in life is Don’t diss it til you try it. Well...I tried and hot damn did this man pull out all the stops. Highkey recommend listening to it alone with thick headphones though.

Don't have the link but the guy who did the audio from before posted a new video and let me tell I straight thought he was reading off a fanfic. Holy shit don’t come at me but that shit was amazing

Good Girl by @man-slut-mando - its literally two words but its so much more. I recomend anything by this blog but this is the first one I ever listened to so it’s going on the list.

Not titled but Ima call it weapon by @man-slut-mando - cheeky dialogue is my drug and no I will not be changing my mind. The tone he used is sending me and I don’t think I’ll ever get over this like ever.

[god1ngs]

it's four am and i miss your smile and i miss you

it's four am and you can't sleep. you decide to call your ex‐boyfriend, sapnap. (cc!sapnap x reader)

warnings: none

word count: 1k

bones' note: its 5 am and i had a talk with my ex and it made me upset. so enjoy this

You couldn’t sleep.

Whether it be the fact that your room is too hot, or the streetlamp shining through your window, you simply couldn’t sleep. You tossed and turned and tired so hard to lay there and keep your eyes closed, but you couldn’t.

You couldn’t because every time you closed your eyes, you saw your ex-boyfriend: Sapnap.

You missed him. It was four in the morning, and you couldn’t sleep, and you missed him more than ever. You missed everything about him. You still love him, more even now that you’ve lost him. But Sapnap had a busy schedule, so he broke up with you.

You didn’t understand it. You never minded that he had a busy schedule— Not when he was one of the most successful streamers on Twitch. You understood that he was busy and wouldn’t always have time for you, and you were fine with that. You were fine with that because it was him. It was Sapnap.

And now you miss him. You want him back.

Your phone screen is a stark contrast between your dark room, and you squint as it shines in your eyes. You open up Sapnap’s contact, already feeling emotional at his profile picture. It was a picture you took on your first date, at Starbucks. There was whip cream on his chin and he had the biggest smile and God you miss his smile so much.

You sniffle. Your finger hovers over the call icon, and you debate whether you should call him or not. You haven’t talked to him since he broke up with you a few weeks ago. Even so, you love him, and you miss him. You tap on it. It rings once. Twice. Thrice.

“Hello?” Oh God his voice. You can feel yourself tearing up already.

“Hey,” You say back, fighting everything within you to keep your voice from cracking even though you’re sure you’re seconds away from crying. The mere sound of his voice has you tearing up, and you’re clutching your phone, as if dropping it might make him leave again. You don’t even have him back, but you never want him to leave.

“Hey,” He says, and his voice is so comforting, you want to listen to it over and over. Silence washes over the two of you, and if it wasn’t Sapnap you were on the phone with, it would’ve been awkward. But no silence is awkward with him. It’s comforting, peaceful; you could drown in it and die happily. “Is there a reason you called?”

You suck in a breath. It was late. Maybe you were bothering him. Maybe it was stupid to call him in the first place. Maybe you should hang up, and your finger hovers over that red button, and you can’t bring yourself to do it. You suck in another breath¾ The truth never hurt anyone too badly, right?

“I miss you,” You blurt out, before you can give yourself time to overthink, “I can’t sleep and I was thinking about you, and I miss you. A lot. I miss your smile and your laugh, and your voice and I know I’m rambling, but I just need to get this off my chest. I miss you and I want you back. Please take me back, Sapnap. Please.”

There’s a pause, and you fear you may have done something wrong, that you never should’ve called in the first place, before there’s a sigh on the other end. “[Name]… I’m busy. I can’t… You need someone who can give you all the attention you deserve. I’m sorry. I just can’t do that for you right now.”

“I don’t care about that, Sap. I don’t care about how much attention you can give me or if someone else can give me more¾ I care about you. I want you.” You sat up, clutching the sweatshirt— Sapnap’s sweatshirt— you were wearing. You heard rustling from the other end of the line.

“You don’t… care about that?” He says, as if in shock, and your eyebrows furrow. “Of course, I don’t, Sap. I know you’re busy. I knew that before I got with you. I don’t care that you’re busy, as long as I still get some attention. Can’t let chat have it all, or else I’ll get jealous.” You hear Sapnap laugh, just a quiet chuckle, and you feel a grin as bright as the sun spread across your face.

“I thought you were mad at me ‘cause I wasn’t giving you enough attention. I thought you deserved some better guy that wasn’t as busy, but I think I’d get jealous at that as much as you would at chat.” He says sheepishly. You smile at his thoughtfulness, but also his stupidity.

“You’re such an idiot, Sapnap.”

“What!? I am not!”

“You thought I was upset at you because you weren’t giving me attention?”

You could practically see him rubbing at his neck. “Well, yeah…”

“Sapnap, I was never mad at you. I just thought you needed space to do your own thing. I didn’t want to be a bother and take away from your streaming time.”

“Darlin’,” You melt at the pet name, feeling giddy at it just as much as you did the first time he ever called you it, “You could never be a bother. Promise. I have more than enough time for whenever I want to stream, okay? Besides, I always have enough time for you.”

Your heart flutters at the statement, and you can’t help how you begin twirling your hair.

“So… Does this mean we can get back together?” You ask, hopeful.

Sapnap chuckles. “Of course, it does, babe.”

You swear you hear Sapnap laugh as you cheer. Another pause follows after that, with you basking in the situation. You were back with Sapnap. No more missing him late at night, or desperately wanting to get over him. He was yours again.

“Wait. What are you doing awake?”

“Wha— Why are you asking me that!? You’re the one that called me!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t expect you to pick up!” You retorted.

“Well, aren’t you glad I did?”

A beat of silence. “Yeah. I am.”

[finelythreadedsky]

hey, I had an idea where Odysseus did actually die at sea and his ghost dragged itself back to Ithaka but Mr Polytropos "Lies like he breathes" Odysseus managed to convince himself he was still alive. but he's dead and there's just a while where his ghost is wandering Ithaka steadily getting worse at pretending to be alive while Penelope and Telemachus are trying to avoid the realization they are literally living in a haunted house

you! you get it!!! the haunted house of godlike odysseus!!!!!! in my monster paper right now (the one underlaid by my insistence that the odyssey is a portal fantasy) i talk about how a lot of odysseus’s voyages between worlds are described as akin to death-- there’s the storm off cape maleia that sweeps him from normal-real-mediterranean into fantasy-supernatural-mediterrean, but mostly i focused on his transition from ogygia to scheria, where its very clear that he’s on the verge of death and does actually stop breathing for a minute there, and then also his transition from scheria to ithaca, which takes place while he experiences “a sleep most nearly resembling death” (ὕπνος θανάτῳ ἄγχιστα ἐοικώς). and then of course when he and his men return from the nekyia circe calls them “twice dying where other mortal men die but once” (δισθανέες, ὅτε τ᾽ ἄλλοι ἅπαξ θνῄσκουσ᾽ ἄνθρωποι).

anyway odysseus dies between ogygia and scheria (and i’ve got Many Pages on how scheria is an underworld and the phaeacians are akin to gods and ghosts, ie the two states of deathlessness, the two beings that never die) and he dies again between scheria and ithaca. the gods bring him back to ithaca but he is not as alive as he was when he left. and fundamentally odysseus’s departure from ogygia is about him choosing to be human, which is to say he chooses to (eventually) die. odysseus’s death hangs over him from the time he leaves the underworld. he’s waiting for that second death that circe mentioned, the one all his men experience later in book 12, but he has to live with it following his every step, close as a shadow. he has a chance to escape the death tiresias gave him but he chooses to be human and mortal and die (and be remembered, since death is the condition of kleos). i do think odysseus wants to die. he can’t be a hero without a death. that’s why he turns down calypso. he makes the same choice as achilles, barters death for glory, and doesn’t listen when achilles tells him the exchange rate is too steep.

i also saw this post about what pride and prejudice and zombies could have been yesterday and i do firmly believe that penelope and telemachus would accept an undead odysseus and join him in insisting to all the other ithacans that look odysseus is back, he’s perfectly fine and totally 100% alive, he just needs to go inside right now and won’t be receiving visitors and perhaps it would be best if you all conduct your business with him through telemachus, but in any case penelope is definitely still married to this very much still-alive odysseus so she can’t marry any of you, sorry. that’s also kind of what i’ve been thinking about with the idea that this man who turns up isn’t odysseus, he’s just some cretan, and penelope and telemachus just give up and accept him as the realest odysseus they’re going to get. the house has been haunted for twenty years. it’s not much of a change to finally acknowledge the ghost.