#once in drama class we had to do a performance to music and me and other friends just danced the bejgijka while reciting a poem | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wolfjackle-creates · 4 months ago

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Something Next to Normal

Tim's having a regular day at school when a classmate ropes him into helping with the school play as the light technician. Tim agrees to one rehearsal, but his responsibilities as Robin keep him so busy. He knows he'll have to turn down the position. Then he learns what Next to Normal is about. Tim absolutely cannot do this. --- Alfred is proud of Tim for taking on an extracurricular. The boy spends so much time alone. Having an excuse to spend time with other students his age can only be good for him. He wants to go see the show, but Tim counsels against it. After looking it up, Alfred spends a night in sleepless grief. But when day comes and he's face-to-face with Tim, he realizes the living boy in front of him needs him and something has to change.

This fic is inspired by a conversation I had with @yaderyngoch that you can find here.

Next to Normal is a super emotional musical that deals with surviving after grief. And the themes fit so well with Tim's early tenure as Robin that once the connection had been made, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Within hours, I was asking yaderyngoch if they minded if I started writing. A month later, this is what came of it.

Thanks to @greensword101 and @flipwizardstarlight for helping beta!

I plan to release chapter two in about a week.

Chapter 1 word count: 5,969

Content Warning: Bruce doesn't take a parental role towards Tim. And, at this point, he's not being a very good mentor either. He's too caught up in his own grief. The comfort will come up in chapter two.

-----

“Tim, Tim! There you are!”

Tim turned to see Alex, a senior in the journalism and drama clubs, waving a hand above his head and running towards him down the school hallway. “Hey, Alex. What’s wrong?”

Alex stopped right in front of him and bent over panting. He held one finger up, silently asking Tim to wait a moment. Finally, still somewhat breathless, he said, “We found out last night that my dad got a major promotion at work.”

“That’s awesome, congrats!” said Tim.

But Alex shook his head. “They want him to start immediately. Job’s out in California so we’ll have to move.”

Tim grimaced in sympathy. “Dude, that sucks. When will you be moving?”

“End of the week. But look, we need your help.”

Tim cocked his head. He wasn't really that close to Alex, though they were friendly. “How can I help? I assume your dad’s company will be providing movers and stuff.”

Alex waved him off. “Not like that. I mean with the musical! Performances are happening in a month and I’m in charge of lighting. You’re literally the only person in the whole school who I think could learn everything in time.”

Tim bit his lip. He was already falling behind on his homework due to his Robin responsibilities. “I don’t know, I’m really busy right now…”

“Please, Tim,” begged Alex. “Just come to today’s rehearsal. It’s right after class. Give it a shot, and if you hate it, I’ll figure something else out. But please, one rehearsal.”

Tim hesitated a moment longer, but the pleading in Alex’s eyes got to him. He never could help being useful. “Okay, one rehearsal.”

---

The moment Tim entered the auditorium, Alex waved to him. “Tim! You made it, awesome. Come on, let me introduce you to Mrs. V.”

Before Tim could do more than say, “Hi,” back, Alex grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the front of the auditorium.

“Mrs. V! This is Tim.”

Tim smiled up at the woman and held out his hand just as his mother had taught him. “Nice to make your acquaintance, Ma’am.”

She looked to be in her late thirties and had bushy black hair and dark eyes. She cocked her head at him, but shook his hand. “You look awfully young to be in high school, Tim. Will your parents mind you staying late?”

“I skipped a grade,” said Tim, brushing past the question like he always did. Starting high school at barely thirteen was unusual enough, and he was small for his age. “And I’ll be talking it over with them tonight to see if I can make it work.” An utter lie, of course. Tim’s parents wouldn’t be home for a few weeks yet. But they made a good excuse. “I’ll be able to let you know tomorrow for sure.”

“And, Alex, you really think he’ll be able to learn everything?”

Alex was nodding before she’d even finished speaking. “Yep. He might be a freshman, and a young one at that, but he’s brilliant. He was in the journalism club in middle school, right?” Alex waited for Mrs. V to nod before continuing. “So their teacher brought them to the high school to get a look at our recording studio here. Tim figured out the equipment in, like, ten minutes. To the point where he was correcting Dave last year’s president of the high school club. We’ve integrated nearly all of his suggestions into our broadcasts this year.”

Her eyes widened, and she looked at Tim with much more interest. “Then I hope your parents let you join us,” she said.

Tim didn’t let his expression slip and wondered what his parents would say if he ever bothered to ask their permission. Oh, who was he kidding? They wouldn’t care so long as it didn’t interfere with his school image.

“As I’m sure you’ve heard, I’m Mrs. Vasilakis, but most students just call me Mrs. V. Today we’ll be doing a run through of the show from top to bottom with scripts in hand so Alex can show you what he does and you can get used to the show. We’re doing Next to Normal, are you familiar with it?”

Tim shook his head. “I don’t know many musicals, I’m sorry.”

She waved him off. “Well, I hope we can get you interested. Alex, I can give you twenty minutes to show him the controls while I corral this group and get them warmed up.”

“Thanks, Mrs. V! Come on, Tim. You can toss your backpack down on any empty seat.”

Tim did as instructed and followed Alex to the back of the auditorium.

Alex led him to a small door with a “Do Not Enter” sign hung on it. He pulled out a key and unlocked the door. “Mrs. V lets me keep the key, though she might want you to get it from her every time. I guess they had issues a few years back with people sneaking up here. Something was stolen or broken or something and since then admin refuses to allow students open access.”

Tim nodded his understanding, but a glance at the lock proved it was as cheap as they came. He didn’t know how it worked to actually keep anyone out.

The door led to a narrow stairway and at the top was a room just large enough for the lights, their controls, and two chairs. Alex sat in one and gestured Tim to the other.

“Home, sweet, home,” said Alex grinning. “So, you ever seen any of this stuff before?”

“Some of it,” admitted Tim. Enough of the Gotham rogues had a flare for the dramatics that he’d seen some weird light shows, even if he hadn’t been on the job that long yet. “But I’ve never been in charge of it.”

“Still better than I could say when I started. We’ve tried to keep things labeled pretty clearly so that helps. These dials are the over head lights, these are over stage lights, spotlights. The set up here is pretty good for a high school, but we’re still limited in what we can do. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a professionally performed play or musical, but don’t worry. We won’t be doing anything nearly so fancy.”

“I haven’t, actually,” commented Tim. He thought he had it all figured out, but it would be good to see everything in action. “I think my mom likes plays, but I’ve never gone with her. I think she is afraid I’d struggle sitting quietly for that long.”

“Would you?”

Tim laughed. “Probably a year or two ago. I’d be good now. But back on topic, what’s most important?”

“Right, yeah. Of course that’s what you want to know. Basically make sure anyone who is speaking has a light on them. And that anyone who is on stage can be seen, even if they’re in shadow. This show isn’t the worst, but there are a few moments where multiple characters are singing in contrast to each other. And if we can show the space between them while still lighting them, it’d be great.”

“I… what?” Tim had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

Alex grimaced. “I suppose that doesn’t make sense—“

A loud piercing whistle sounded from below them.

“Well, you’ll see when we get into it. Just watch what I do, yeah?”

Tim shrugged again. “Sure. I’m good at learning on my feet.”

Alex grinned. “It’s why I’m begging you to do this!” He watched the stage a minute and nodded to himself. “Okay, we’re gonna lower all the lights. You always start in dark. This is how we do that.”

Tim watched intently, taking even more notes, as Alex deftly adjusted dials until everything sat in darkness.

Then Alex turned on a spotlight, showing a boy a girl—playing a mother and son—arguing before the boy stormed out of the house. Then the girl started singing about her family. When she reached the line about her daughter, “And my daughter though a genius is a freak,” another spotlight turned on and Tim watched as Alex pointed it at a different girl sitting at a table with a textbook and papers spread in front of her.

He cringed when he heard the mom character say, “I’m going to have sex with your father,” and decided he didn’t really care about the story. Instead he focused on following Alex’s actions. The daughter took over the song, so Alex turned off the light on the mother.

Soon enough, four actors were on stage, trading off lines as they sung about it being “just another day.” And Tim understood what Alex was doing. Each had a spotlight on them, but the shadows were deep between the characters because they didn’t seem to like each other very much, even if they were a family.

Soon it was hard to even follow the words with everyone singing together. Tim really didn’t think he was going to like the show. He had his own struggles with his family and with Bruce. He didn’t really want to watch a fictional family’s struggles.

Whatever, he didn’t have to enjoy himself today.

So he tuned it out. He focused on how Alex played with the lights to make sure everything could be seen. He watched the difference between solos and ensemble moments. When spotlights were used versus lighting the whole stage.

Despite Tim’s best attempts, he couldn’t help but learn about the family. The daughter, Natalie, was the character he liked the most. The son, Gabe, was just an asshole. The dad, Dan, was trying to hold everything together and failing miserably. And the mom, Diana, was falling apart as badly as Bruce and they couldn’t seem to find a good treatment for her.

But all of that was just background to the lighting techniques he was learning. Then when Diana came out with a birthday cake for Gabe, Dan had to take her to the side and remind her that “he’s been dead, sixteen years,” and Tim stopped breathing.

”He’s not here.” echoed in Tim’s ears.

His blood ran cold, and he stared at the stage is shock. The reveal had been a complete surprise, but suddenly so much about the show made sense. And yet all Tim could think of was Bruce, still clinging to the memory of Jason, putting himself—and all of Gotham—at risk in the process.

“You all right?” whispered Alex.

“Huh?” Tim shook his head to reorient himself. His heart was beating too fast. Why was he reacting so strongly? But all he could hear were the words, “He’s not here,” repeating in his mind. Tim forced a smile just as his mother had taught him, though. “Oh, yeah. Of course. Just didn’t expect that.”

Alex laughed even as the music turned more upbeat, the tone jarring compared to the one before. He turned the lights up to match the new tone. “One of the best twists in a musical in my opinion. Forgot you wouldn’t know to expect it.”

Tim just hummed as Diana took center stage again. Her words, “Do you know what it’s like to die alive,” made him cross his arms and clench his fists around his shirt. Why was it that despite the actors in front of him, all he could see was Bruce throwing himself into fight after fight?

But Diana was worse than Bruce. She still had a daughter. One who was still a kid and relied on her. Didn’t she care? He forced himself to tune out her words and returned to taking notes on what Alex did.

He managed well enough until Natalie’s next song came on. Her first three lines went by, worming their way into his head until, “She’s not there,” made him stop.

All he could do was stare at the stage as the girl sang. Each line seemed to hit harder than the last.

“He’s immortal, forever alive. Then there’s me.”

The actress filled every line with a resigned desperation for something, anything, to be different. Tim’s breath froze in his chest. Was his heart still beating? He could hear the blood rushing in his ears, but somehow the words from the stage broke through even that.

“He’s your hero, forever your son. He’s not here. I am here.”

His eyes burned, and he bit his cheek to give himself something else to focus on.

Then Diana tried to comfort Natalie. “You know I love you. I love you as much as I can.”

Tim clenched his fists hard to hide their shaking even as Natalie threw her arms up in frustration on the stage. Why was he reacting so strongly? He wasn’t the same as Natalie. Bruce wasn’t his dad so it didn’t matter if Bruce couldn’t even look at him half the time. He had parents. They might not be home right now, but they loved him. They did.

He wasn’t Natalie.

“Please look closely and find her before she fades away!”

Tim barely heard the rest of the song. Was he breathing? He needed to breathe. He let out a shaky breath.

“Tim? You sure you’re good?”

He needed to focus. His mom would be so disappointed in him. He smiled, just like he’d learned to do for the galas he’d been forced to attend from the age of five. “Of course, Alex. Sorry. I just didn’t realize how good a singer Rose is.”

Alex grinned. “Yeah. She’s really good. Got the role of Natalie as a junior if you can believe it.” He paused speaking to adjust more lights. “Are you following what I’m doing?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

Compartmentalize. Tim could do this. He’d been doing it for years. And he’d only gotten better at it since becoming Robin.

The next song, sung by Gabe again, made his heartbeat ratchet back up. Tim hated Gabe for reasons he couldn’t articulate even to himself. But hearing the ghost of the dead son sing about how he was alive as he danced around his mom, crowding her, had Tim biting his cheek so hard he tasted blood. He stopped, closed his eyes for two seconds, and focused again on what Alex was doing. On the way the lights followed Gabe as he haunted, taunted, the rest of his family in turn.

He’d get through this. He’d promised one rehearsal and that’s what he’d get through. Tomorrow he’d say he couldn’t do it.

Even as all the characters begged, “Catch me I’m falling,” Tim focused on just learning his job. When Dan and Diana blew off Natalie’s recital, he clenched his fist, but kept his breathing steady.

Alex didn’t ask if he was okay, just kept up a quiet stream of instructions.

Diana’s failed suicide, done at the behest of Gabe’s ghost, reminded him of all his nightmares of being too late and finding Bruce’s body broken and bloody one day when trying to follow him on patrol. The nightmares that always made him wake screaming.

Tim forced himself not to think of Alfred when Dan sang about standing with his “feet right on the ground” whenever Diana went off flying. He ignored the way Dan wished for someone to give him a lift. And if Tim’s breath caught when Dan sang his was “just a slower suicide,” it didn’t matter because Alex didn’t notice. He just focused on how Alex softened the lights to make the scene more melancholy.

Finally, after Diana agreed to ECT at Dan’s pleading, Alex turned the lights all the way down, then all the way back up.

“And this is the end of act one! What do you think so far?”

Tim swallowed and shrugged. “I didn’t realize they made musicals like this. Are they common?”

“This one was pretty groundbreaking when it came out. More recently, we’ve got Be More Chill and Dear Evan Hansen. But I’ll tell you a secret, I like this one way more.”

Tim hummed and looked over the lighting equipment. “It’s definitely intense. They’re doing a good job.”

“Yep. So for the real show, intermission will last about twenty minutes. Three minutes before curtain, you’ll want to dim the lights briefly to warn people to get back to their seats. Right now, Mrs. V is going to talk to the actors and give some pointers for a few minutes. Give everyone a chance to catch their breaths. Need the bathroom?”

Tim shook his head.

“Then what questions do you have for me?”

Over the next few minutes, Tim made sure to ask any question he could think of. By the time Mrs. V let out another whistle to call everyone to their places, Tim was pretty sure he could manage lighting for the rest of the show. Though when Alex took up the position, Tim didn’t fight him.

No reason to seem too eager when he wouldn’t be taking the project on.

The next act started and Tim tried to pay minimal attention to the musical. Though when the characters realized Diana had amnesia from the treatment and Dan decided the proper response was to just not mention their son, he couldn’t hold back a snort.

Amusement that died in his throat when Natalie revealed what life had actually been like for her. At least he couldn’t draw any parallels there. Neither his parents nor Bruce had been present enough in his childhood to screw his up the way Diana had screwed over Natalie’s.

When Diana finally remembered her son, Tim expected the breakdown.

He couldn’t help but feel for Natalie as she left the house again to get into trouble. Memories of nights spent in Gotham when he was way too young threatened to overtake him.

He managed to push through it and get himself back under control by focusing on Alex’s actions. He paid vague attention to the musical, too invested in the story to fully ignore it. But he directed most of his focus to Alex. So many of the songs started with one character before changing to another, so he’d have to learn them well enough to know when to switch the lights as each person took over.

Diana’s therapist begged her to stay a patient, to not give in to her depression. But it was clear she’d had enough. Would Bruce give up one day? Decide to stop fighting and let himself die?

Only…it turned out Diana wasn’t fully giving up on life. She apologized to Natalie who was clearly caught between finding it too little, too late and hope that this time might be real.

He couldn’t help the ache he felt when Natalie and Diana agreed that a life “next to normal” would work just fine for them.

Tim knew what it was like to strive for a normal life. One where his parents were home. One where he was told “good job” when he did well on a school assignment or finally figured out how to do that flip.

Maybe it was time to give up that dream, though. Be like Natalie and settle for something else. The thought made his eyes burn, but he pushed it aside.

Surely Diana didn’t have to leave just for everyone to find a way to heal? Wasn’t there a way for them to figure it out together?

But Diana left and everyone, even Gabe, seemed to find a measure of peace.

Then Alex turned the lights down again until the entire auditorium was in darkness once more.

Mrs. V began clapping and called out “Well done, everyone!”

Alex turned all the lights back on and leaned back in his chair as Mrs. V addressed the actors.

“So, any more questions for me?” asked Alex.

---

“How was your extracurricular, Master Tim?” asked Alfred when Tim slipped into the passenger seat.

Tim shrugged and pretended he wasn’t still shaking inside from the music. “It was all right. But I think I’ll have to tell Alex I can’t do it. Just so busy, you know?”

Alfred tutted. “If you want to do it, we can make the time. Master Dick had his gymnastics meets. And Master Ja—”

Alfred cut himself off and Tim looked out the window. So many conversations ended that way in the manor. But he remembered Dan’s song about needing someone to lift him up. “You can talk about him, you know. To me. If you need to.” Tim didn’t look at Alfred as he spoke, just continued staring out the window.

“Thank you, Master Tim.”

The rest of the car ride passed in silence as Natalie’s refrain, “I’m not here,” echoed in Tim’s head. He focused on keeping his breathing steady and his hands still. He was fine.

When they got to the manor, Tim took over his corner of the dining room table and pulled out his homework. Laptop set up on an angle to his left, papers on his right. Start with math because that was the easiest.

Only he couldn’t focus on the numbers at all. For possibly the first time in his life, they didn’t make sense.

Catch me I’m falling.

Tim grit his teeth and grabbed his headphones. Maybe if he just listened to the soundtrack again, the songs would get out of his head?

He started it from the beginning. His pencil tapped against his papers in time to the beat. When he got to Natalie’s song, even his pencil stilled as he stared unseeing at his homework.

Then Gabe started singing “I’m Alive!” and Tim grabbed his phone and jabbed the back button. He couldn’t. He couldn’t listen to that one.

Natalie singing about being invisible might cause his hands to shake and his heart to beat hard, but it was better. He stared at his phone, watching the lyrics pass by. When the final words appeared, he jabbed the single repeat button to make sure he wouldn’t be jump scared again by Jason’s, Gabe’s song.

He had no idea how many times he’d listened to “Superboy and the Invisible Girl” when Alfred cleared his throat behind him. “How is your homework going, Master Tim?”

Only his months of training kept him from jumping in his seat. He looked over his math and realized he’d only managed to get through two problems. “Going great, Alfred. What’s up?”

Alfred raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t call him out on his lie. “Dinner is nearly ready. Why don’t you put away your things and help me carry it out?”

“Of course! I’ll be right there. Just give me two minutes.”

Alfred smiled and clasped his shoulder. “Take your time. I’ll go inform Master Bruce.”

Tim nodded as he gathered up his papers and closed his laptop. Within moments, his things were neatly packed and his backpack hidden in the hallway closet.

Dinner at Wayne Manor was as awkward as they all were. Tim sat two seats away from Bruce and kept quiet. The first time he’d eaten here, Tim had tried to ask Bruce about his day, but Bruce merely stared at him for an entire minute before grunting and going back to his food. Tim hadn’t tried again.

He should’ve refused the ride home and taken the three buses and a cab that it took to get from Gotham to Bristol. Then he could’ve eaten in his own home. At least there it was silent because no one else was around rather than whatever this mess was.

Through it all, he could hear the echo of Natalie’s song. He felt invisible sitting there in complete silence.

With no conversation and all three of them focused on their plates, Tim finished eating within ten minutes.

“Would you like anything else, Master Tim?”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

Bruce grunted. “Then report to the cave. I need to debrief you before tonight’s patrol. And I want to evaluate where you are in your training.”

Tim jumped to his feet. “Of course. I’ll bring my dishes to the kitchen and head right down.”

The debrief was boring. Edward Nygma had escaped Arkham, so Bruce had Tim review several of his old riddles. Tim had kept up with those when they had happened and really didn’t learn anything new. The Riddler’s cases had always interested him the most.

Not that he said anything of course. From the direction of Jason’s memorial, he could hear the echo of the words, “I’m alive!”

If one thing could be said for training, it was that it required enough of his focus to drown out Jason’s voice. Bruce hit hard and fast and scolded whenever Tim wasn’t able to dodge. But it was fine. He was getting better.

To his surprise, when they finished, Bruce merely grunted at him and turned away to change into his suit. Tim must’ve done really well, and he bit back a smile. Usually they spent at least ten minutes going over everything Tim had done wrong.

Patrol itself started fine. They were looking for leads on Nygma, but in the meantime just stopped anything they came across. The euphoria of patrol chased away the echo of any songs that might have haunted him otherwise.

Everything was going fine. Until Tim saw a woman in scrubs getting cornered in an alley by three large men. He looked around, but Bruce was already two streets away. “Batman?” he asked over comms.

“Hurry up, Robin.”

Tim bit his lip and debated following, but then the woman began begging. “No, please. I promise I don’t have anything.”

“You’ve got a phone, don’t you?” asked one of the men as he took another step forward.

“And even if not, bet there’s something else we could get from you.”

Tim did not like the smile on the second speaker’s face. Mind made up, he shot his grappling hook and swung down, making sure to land on Asshole #2’s shoulder’s, knocking him to the ground.

“Pretty sure she said she’s got nothing for you. Why don’t you leave her alone?” He stood on the asshole’s back.

“Shit, it’s the kid!”

“Where’s the bat?”

“Get offa me!”

Tim jumped off #2’s back as the man pushed himself up. Dick’s acrobatic training meant he landed on his feet, and Shiva’s training had him pulling out his staff and extending it into the man’s stomach as he did.

While #2 was bent over trying to regain his breath, Tim swung it to the left to get the Asshole #1. The woman, meanwhile, pulled out a canister of pepper spray and got the third directly in his face.

Tim grinned at her. “Thanks, ma’am!”

“I should be thanking you, Robin. Glad to see you back out on the streets!”

The pepper spray victim collapsed to the ground and was scrubbing his face, leaving Tim with just two to take down. He managed to get both incapacitated quickly and zip-tied their hands behind their backs.

He was finishing with their ankles when he heard, “Robin,” from behind him.

Shit, that was definitely Bruce’s I’m-not-happy voice. Tim forced a grin and turned. “Hiya, B!” he said, just as he’d heard Dick or Jason do when they were in trouble on patrol. “You missed the fun.”

Only, unlike with Jason and Dick, Bruce’s jaw tightened and his hand clenched into a fist.

But he didn’t say anything. So Tim turned back to the woman. “Want me to escort you home? How much farther do you have?” He knew Bruce wouldn’t be happy with that, either, but he couldn’t just leave her.

“Just two blocks more. Would you mind?”

“Not at all!” Tim turned to Bruce, still grinning. “You can call this in, right? I’ll be right back!”

“Robin!” barked Bruce.

“Yeah?” Tim pretended to have no idea Bruce was upset. He was shaking inside, but he was Robin right now. And Robin was brave and bright, no matter how scary Batman was.

“You do not wander off.”

So Tim cocked his head. “Oh, you want to come, too? I’m sure that’ll make Ms…” he looked at the woman curiously.

“Emma,” she supplied.

“Ms. Emma feel even safer. Are the cops on their way for these three jerks?”

Batman grunted and Tim’s grin grew.

In a stage whisper, he told Emma, “That’s Batman’s ‘yes’ grunt. Let’s go. These three will hold until the police get here.”

Emma laughed and led the way down the street. “I’m gonna be the safest person in Gotham, then. Thanks, Robin, Batman.”

“So, Ms. Emma, do you work at the hospital nearby?”

“Yep. I’m a night shift nurse. Usually I drive to and from, but my car’s in the shop. And I’m only a twenty minute walk from work. Thought I could risk it for one day.”

Tim nodded. “That’s how they get you.”

Emma laughed and ruffled his hair. “You’re absolutely right. I’ll just wait until one of my coworkers can give me a ride home tomorrow.”

“How much longer until your car is ready?”

Emma sighed. “I don’t get paid until Friday. Then I can authorize the work to start.”

Tim hummed in sympathy, but was already making plans to track down Emma’s name and figure out which mechanic she used. Surely it’d make sense for Robin and Batman to pay her bill after helping her out. And a bit extra to move it to the top of the line.

Tim asked Emma about her work and she regaled him with stories from a Gotham ER for the rest of the walk. Bruce stalked silently behind them.

When Emma stopped in front of an apartment complex, she turned to face Tim. “Thanks for walking me home, Robin.”

“Anytime, Ms. Emma.”

She leaned down and hugged him tightly. Tim’s eyes widened in shock at the sudden warmth. His heart beat hard in his chest and he could feel every point of contact like it burned. Just as he realized he should lift his arms and hug her back, though, she was pulling away.

“Good night, Robin! And you, Batman.”

Bruce just grunted, and Tim wanted to roll his eyes. “Good night to you, too. Stay safe!”

“I will, thanks to you.” She waved as she unlocked the door and disappeared inside.

“Batmobile, now.”

Tim bit back a sigh. “Of course, Batman,” he said. He didn’t bother pretending to be cheerful now that they didn’t have an audience.

Bruce spun and shot his grappling hook, swinging away. Tim followed on his heels. Tim knew he was in for a scolding, but didn’t dare dally on the trip over.

When he got to the alley, Bruce was waiting next to the driver’s side door. He grunted and gestured for Tim to get in.

Tim’s hand didn’t shake as he opened the door, but his stomach felt like lead, and he knew it was only long practice at hiding his nerves that kept it steady. Bruce slid into the driver’s seat and pulled out.

Even with his gloves on, Tim could tell Bruce was gripping the steering wheel as tightly as possible. And his jaw was clenched shut in displeasure. Tim bit his lip, unable to break the silence that settled in the car.

Silence that stretched for long minutes. Tim began to hope he’d be able to avoid the lecture he knew was brewing.

Then Bruce opened his mouth. “What was that?” His voice was cold and hard.

“What? Saving a woman?” Tim pretended he wasn’t shaking inside.

Bruce practically growled at him. “You disappeared!”

Tim kept his back straight and kept his eyes trained on the road ahead. He would not react to the anger directed his way. Keep it straightforward and factual, like giving a report. “A woman was being harassed by three men. They didn’t even have a gun and you were a block and a half ahead already. I knew it’d be a quick intervention so I intervened.”

“You do not go off on your own, ever.”

“I had it handled, Batman—”

“I don’t care! You always ask for backup before entering into combat situations. What if one of them had a hidden gun?”

“I know how to fight against opponents with firearms.” Tim kept his voice steady no matter how much he wanted to shout back.

“You can’t keep running off, Jason!”

Both of them froze. Tim stared straight ahead, every muscle tense, just waiting for Bruce to say something else. The buildings raced past them as they rapidly approached the end of the street.

Only Bruce didn’t hit the breaks. And the building across the street was getting closer.

“Watch the road!” screamed Tim.

Bruce cursed and jerked the wheel, just barely managing to follow the turn of the road rather than slam into the building. Tim had to his arm to keep from banging his head against the side window as his seatbelt dug into his chest.

Once they were back on the road and traveling at a more reasonable speed, Bruce spoke again. “Tim—”

“Don’t.” Tim gripped his uniform over his heart. His throat was tight and his eyes burned and he couldn’t get that damn song out of his head. He wanted to collapse forward, rest his head between his knees and just breathe, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the road, terrified Bruce would get distracted again. “Just. Don’t.”

For once, Bruce listened. The rest of the ride to the cave passed in silence.

The moment the car pulled to a stop, Tim was out the door. He stomped over to the changing area and began stripping out of his uniform. He needed it off.

“Master Tim? Are you all right?”

“Fine, Alfred,” said Tim.

“What happened? Do I need to check you for injuries? Or Master Bruce?”

Tim grit his teeth, but shook his head. “We’re both just peachy.” Tim ripped off his under layer, stripping down to his boxers. “See?” He spun so Alfred could see he had no new injuries.

Alfred’s eyes narrowed as he took in Tim’s body. “Very well,” he said after a pause.

Tim grabbed a mostly clean shirt and pair of jeans from his locker and pulled them on. “I’m going home now.”

“Let me prepare you a small after patrol snack before you do,” said Alfred.

“Not hungry.” Tim’s stomach was still in knots. He could see the brick wall getting closer through the windshield and feel the jerk as Bruce had to turn too hard to keep them from crashing.

Alfred opened his mouth, but closed it again with a sigh and nodded. “Very well, Master Tim. Thank you for joining us for dinner tonight.”

Tim nodded his acknowledgment, though he regretted ever agreeing, and grabbed his skateboard out of his locker. He’d changed so quickly that Bruce was only now approaching the changing area himself. Tim straightened his back and looked Bruce in the eyes. “I will report to the cave at twenty-two hundred hours for tomorrow’s patrol.”

Then, before Bruce could do more than nod, he tossed down his board and jumped on. Twenty minutes later, he was in his own room at Drake manor and climbing into a shower, heat turned up so high it was almost scalding.

It still didn’t make him feel as warm as a stranger’s hug.

And finally, in the privacy of his own house, with three locked doors between himself and the world, Tim collapsed to his knees and cried.

---

Alex was waiting for him when he got off the bus at school the next morning.

“Hey, Tim! Have you made your decision yet?”

And Tim thought about leaving school and going back to an empty mansion with his parents who-knows-where or to Wayne Manor and another awkward dinner.

He opened his mouth to say he couldn’t, that he was too busy.

“Sure, Alex. I’d love to.”

-----

And that's chapter 1! Hope you enjoy!

Totally look up some of the songs from Next to Normal. They hit hard. Especially when imposed on the bats.

#dc fanfic #dc comics #tim drake #alfred pennyworth #wolf writes #next to normal (musical)#struggling bruce wayne #i promise bruce gets better #but he has some of his own issues to work through first #alfred is the best though #hes trying to hold everyone together #tim drake projects onto 'superboy and the invisible girl'#but how could he not?#it's practically written for him

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gougarfem · 1 year ago

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how was the process of getting a dumbphone!

oh my god this is something i'm so excited to talk about, sorry it took me so many months to respond!

getting a dumbphone improved my quality of life so so much. i knew my screentime was high, but didn't realise it was a genuine psychological addiction until i quit. the first few days were extremely rough. time seemed to pass about ten times slower, and i was forced to fill the hours with various hobbies and activities. i know we all love to tell people to touch grass, but i really did have to connect with nature and it did wonders for my mental health.

i think for the first three days i was constantly restless and horribly irritable, looked around for my phone every few minutes, felt intense boredom and even cried a few times lol. your addiction may not be as extreme as mine was and this varies from person to person. however, after about a week i realised i remembered everything i'd done each day, because it was filled with intentional activities and little moments of peace rather than a blur of scrolling. i also wasn't on adhd meds yet, which is something i'll talk about in another post.

not having everything at your fingertips is uncomfortable, but (and it's a cliche) you really start to appreciate the world around you more. i looked forward to spending time with my family, because it filled time and i wasn't half-involved in my phone the entire time. i use an mp3 player to listen to music, and uploading music to it is a meaningful and interesting activity, rather than just shuffling a playlist. i listen to whole albums instead of being flooded with dopamine from spotify firing recommended songs at me. i appreciate music more, i make CDs for friends, i have to be intentional in discovering new artists and music. if i'm having an interesting conversation online, i look forward to going home and logging onto my laptop to continue it. i don't spend my commute, time in class, or time with friends texting somebody else. everything feels more intentional, spaced out, and interesting, even the things i do online.

i also found i stopped performing in every activity i did. i stopped thinking about whether i could post it to instagram or instantly send a picture in a discord server. i started picking up new hobbies for myself, not for an online audience, and living in the moment more. this is really important in the modern age, although again uncomfortable.

the best part was how my connections with others increased through having a dumbphone. i started calling friends rather than messaging on five platforms at once, and they started reciprocating. my message threads are continuous, coherent conversations, rather than sending memes. people realised they have to intentionally reach out to me, and i lost relationships with people who weren't interested in that, but strengthened connections with people who did put in the effort (many of whom i barely talked to in the past). i give people my phone number, not my social media handle, and they actually start conversations with me rather than hitting follow. i get to hear my friends' voices when they have drama to share and realise it takes me forever to type on my flip phone keyboard. again, everything is intentional, takes time, and richer than when i had a smartphone.

i genuinely would recommend it to absolutely everyone (i've kind of become like a crossfit guy in telling people to get a dumbphone lol). i won't pretend it's easy, and most people make excuses - for the first few months of having a dumbphone, i was bedbound or in hospital, and truly relied on online connections to pass time and communicate. it still hugely improved my life. however, no matter your situation there are always, always better options than scrolling an app, and you deserve to pass your time in a memorable way. i think most people don't realise they're addicted/reliant on smartphones, and the idea of quitting is horribly uncomfortable, but at least for me, the benefits were worth it.

i'm happy to answer any questions, i literally could talk about this topic for hours (even if it's stuff like "how would i use x app" "how would i replace x smartphone function").

ditch your smartphone babe, u deserve better <33

#asks #hystericelle #dumbphone #phone addiction

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chemicallywrit · 7 months ago

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Happy Audio Drama Sunday! It was podcast girls week and i loved seeing everyone’s art and fic and memes. Gorls. ❤️ Let’s get to the shows!

🎤 Childish! Childish: The Podcast Musical finally got the chance to post their finale! And it did not disappoint. I had forgotten exactly how good the music was in this show, and how funny and clever it was. Guys, if you care about college comedies with a side of the best dang music I've heard out of a podcast, please listen to Childish. I'm so happy for them. This is really proof though, that it's worth it not to give up on a podcast (I'll wait for you forever Althaar).

🥩 Oh man, this episode of Mayfair Watcher's Society was incredible. The story would be good even without the incredible performances of Ashlee Jones and Brandon Nguyen, but CAN we talk about them actors??? What an incredible exploration of your worst nightmares coming true. Mind the content warnings for this one, folks. Meg Tuten is, as always, a genius.

🦾 Breathing Space consistently hits notes of working class struggle and desperation with care and thoughtfulness, but this past episode's rendition of "Sixteen Tons" was absolutely gorgeous. I loved the lo-fi singing together. It was perfect.

🐟 @monstrousproductions’ Travelling Light has once again introduced me to an absolutely delightful character. Vermi is my favorite guy. I love him and his fish face and his translation innovation. This show is a constant gift.

🤖 Ohhhhh man, oh man, Ask Your Father ended in the only possible way it could, which I should have seen coming. Oh my gosh. Mikeyyyyyyyy...I won't spoil it, but it was maybe perfect. I cried a little. Season two when.

🌊 I started Waterlogged this week! What a good anthology—it’s creepy AND wet! I think some horror anthologies suffer from a lack of theme that can make them fall into a rhythm, but I don’t foresee this being a problem for Waterlogged. The first three episodes are all so different, and I love it. Go check it out!

🪱 I want to give a shoutout to Earworm! Earworm is an upcoming musical about ghosts and haunting by the folks behind Shadows At the Door! I know a lot of the cast (David Ault, Michelle Kelly, Erika Sanderson, and so many others) and I'm so thrilled to hear this--assuming they can finish out their crowdfund! If you can throw them a little cash, please do!

That’s all for now! 😘

#audio drama sunday #audio drama #audio fiction #fiction podcast #childish: the podcast musical #mayfair watchers society #breathing space #travelling light #ask your father #waterlogged #earworm: a ghostly audio drama musical

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venusvity · 1 year ago

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.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ ... PRE-RELEASE SINGLE - DRAMA!

DRAMA is one of two pre-release singles for VENUS' fourth full studio album. DRAMA will be promoted for TWO WEEKS until the next single is released.

.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ ... MUSIC VIDEO AESTHETICS.

The DRAMA music video received 45 MILLION VIEWS in 24 hours and would remain number one on the Youtube trending page for 6 days. The video follows the girls through a technicolored cyberspace as they fight against a virus only known as "DRAMA" which is depicted as a dark and rapid-moving shadow.

.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ ... DRAMA LINE DISTRIBUTION.

.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ … BAEBI = 28.20 SECONDS

.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ … BLISS = 19.26 SECONDS

.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ … CHLOE = 49.15 SECONDS

.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ … SENA = 17.29 SECONDS

.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ … JIAH = 38.12 SECONDS

.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ ... PROMOTIONAL HIGHLIGHTS.

The girls were promoting DRAMA consistently for two weeks. For a solid two weeks, the girls were at music shows or other schedules promoting their upcoming album, which they revealed the name of at the end of their promotional period for DRAMA.

The album is called "VENUS VICTRIX" and will have 11 tracks. The creative direction for the album will be handled by long-time VENUS creative director Adrian Reyes. This differs from their last comeback, Burn The Witch, which was fully controlled by Venus themselves. While on Knowing Brothers, Chloe admits the girls experienced a lot of stress from handling all aspects of the album. "It was too much. We would be up until 5 AM almost every night trying to get everything to work, and we agreed that for this album, we want more rest!" which earned laughs from the hosts and from fans alike.

During an episode of "Visting Venus," they had Adrian come on to explain the lore of the album to them in a classroom-like setting with the girls at desks and him at a chalkboard, pointing with a stick and aggressively writing with a red piece of chalk.

"It's basically, like, Venus' Victory. The girls are trapped in a harsh cyber world but manage to break out and transform the landscape into something habitable," Adrian would explain, drawing a loosely thrown-together professor-esque outfit and round specs. Klara, drawing a school uniform and thick-rimmed classes, would raise her hand. "And how will we break out from this world?" "Easy," Adrian starts, pulling down a projector screen that has three big words on it in comic sans font, "Dance, music, and friendship."

The video was a massive hit with fans and had them on the edge of their seats waiting for the album's release.

Though they gave it their all at every performance, it was clear the girls were tired and being overworked. In most vlogs, you'd often see members sleeping on one another during their breaks at music shows or expressing how sore they were from all the performing they were doing. The Venus members, with the exception of Klara, would assure fans they were fine and liked working especially. Klara, however, would go on to post a singular mirror selfie of herself at 3 AM on her Instagram story with the caption, "just got back. can't wait for my powernap before i have to go back lol" but the story was quickly deleted and followed by a video of the maknae laughing and apologizing.

"That was meant for my close friend. My bad, my bad! Stop worrying. I'm just complaining! I swear to God if y'all mass email Flowerbank I'll have a tantrum. Don't worry about me!"

While this moment went viral on stan Twitter, constellations couldn't help but to worry for the girls. However, their worries were seemingly quelled once they got another stage of DRAMA to entertain them.

.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ ... LOOK BOOK.

.ﾟ۪ ♡ ۫ … LEFT 2 RIGHT: BLISS, BAEBI, CHLOE, SENA, AND JIAH

The girls wore wigs during their promotions, concealing their actual hair colors. While sometimes the wigs looked natural, especially Sena and Jiah's, there were times when the wigs looked straight from Party City. Due to their status in the industry, people called this style choice "camp" and praised them for it.

YOU CAN GET YOUR DRAMA PHOTOCARDS HERE!

#╰ * venus : discography ⧽ burn it to the ground .#ficnetfairy #fictional idol group #fictional idol community #kpop fanfic #idol oc #kpop oc #fake kpop oc #kpop au #idol au #kpop addition #idolverse #oc girl group #bts addition #fake kpop girl group #fake kpop idol #oc kpop group #stray kids addition

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allmightyscroll-swag · 1 year ago

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grabbing you by the shoulders and not letting go

SO SO SO!! I will talk more about the straw doll burning, aka Palenie Marzanny (burning (of) Marzanna/Morana)

Marzanna, (or depending on the Slavic country something similar to Mara or Morena, with spelling differences) was traditionally a Slavic goddess of death, cold, and winter. According to Slavic rites her death, and by extension the death of winter, signaled the rebirth of spring!

This is probably where the burning of a Marzanna effigy came from, because the tradition happens on the spring equinox (March 20-21 I believe?) and what happens nowadays is a group of school kids, local people or both make a doll of Marzanna out of straw-

[picture taken from Wikipedia]

- like above, and they take it down to the nearest river/lake. Then, it's either set on fire or its clothes get thorn, and it's promptly thrown into the river/lake. Sometimes smaller dolls are also thrown in as well!

In my specific experience we set it on fire, let it burn for a few moments while we sang songs, and then it was thrown into the local river :D fun times.

Also can I just?? Talk about traditional polish clothing for a second ?? Because I think it'd absolutely beautiful and each of Polands regions or voivodships has its own unique design BUT it's super uncommon for people to dress like that anymore and it hurts me to my core.

LIKE???

[Łowicz ↑]

[ Mazowsze↑]

[Kujawy↑]

[ Kraków and Nowy Sącz ↑]

I WANT TO WEAR THAT. I REALLY DO IT'S JUST SO PRETTY YKNOW ???? AND IM BARELY SCRAPING THE SURFACE OF THESE DESIGNS BECAUSE THERE ARE HUNDREDS!!!! HUNDREDS OF THEM!!!

Cities, regions, communes all can have multiple unique designs under their name and it's so beautiful and unique and charming and it pains me every day that I can't wear them at least once. We even have Highlander clothing !!! AND THAT'S SO COOL!!!!

Okay one more thing I want to bring up is less tradition and just a fond thing for me.

There's a dance called Belgijka in Poland, (literally Belgian dance cause that's where its from) that where I lived was a staple of any party or event. You can't go to something like prom and not dance the Belgijka. And I LOVE the dance. I danced it a few times in middle school, both in formal events and just for fun. Same with high school - it could be a Christmas Eve celebration and we'd be attempting to dance it in a crammed classroom it was great.

This is the song used; and the dance is basically about dancing in a circle in rhythm in pairs of two, turning around and twirling and side stepping your partner and many other things. Here's a YouTube video for more clarity.

I have very fond memories of it; people overstepping and bumping into each other, people getting confused and messing up the portion where people change positions, or people getting lost when the partners changed. Dancing with your friends and laughing about it and maybe even dragging others to dance with you. It always accompanied good vibes and for my anemic ass shortness of breath and feeling like I'm gonna die but like, in good fun.

Thanks for letting me ramble :DDD

for ask game 43, 56 and 33

33. most used phrase in your phone?

the word "like" probably

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie or jean jacket ....

56. favorite tradition?

Hmmm. Depends, do you mean my native country traditions? Cause if so then it's either the one where we make a doll out of straw, burn it and throw it into the river (got to do that in middle school and it was fun); or the one where people make things out of wheat or straw (they 're called "Palenie Marzanny" and "Dożynki" respectively. I really like talking about Polish traditions)

#rambles #i am rambling again #but i love me some good ol polish traditions #i really like the dances #once in drama class we had to do a performance to music and me and other friends just danced the bejgijka while reciting a poem #AND IT WAS GREAT #and another time some italian student's flew in for a project and we taught them how to dance the bejgijka and we danced together and that's #such a fond memory for me.#i have so many good memories associated with that dance

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omarandjohnny · 2 years ago

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GETTING TO KNOW MEME!

Tagged by @i-got-the-feels <333333333333333333333333

Are you named after anyone?

Since My Beautiful Laundrette has been my favorite movie since I was 18, when I came out as trans in 2008 I picked the only name that had zero connection with anyone in my family tree (and it had already been part of my online handle since 2003, so not much of a stretch, lol)

When was the last time you cried?

Last night, out of frustration. This month has been pretty shit, but I'm hanging in there.

Do you have any kids?

No kids ever ever ever. I have been a fulltime caregiver for my parent(s) since 2012, I'm busy enough XD

Do you use sarcasm?

Up until my late 20s every other word out of my mouth was sarcasm and cynicism. I used an abundance of self-deprecation back then as well. Once I recognized what it was doing to me and how I saw the world/people, I gradually stopped doing it. Funnily enough, the older I've gotten the harder it's become for me to read whether someone's being sarcastic or not. Guess I'm REALLY out of practice.

Which sports do you play/have you played?

Soccer, basketball, and volleyball when I was younger (I snapped my ankle when I was 13 and had to have a screw put in, so there went my sports hobbies)

What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Usually how they present themselves, how they hold themselves in conversation.

Whats your eye color?

gray-blue

Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

Scary movies WITH happy endings ;)

Any special talents?

I'm an excellent court jester when the social circle needs one, and I make a damn good crockpot beef roast.

Where were you born?

Indiana

What are your hobbies?

discovering new music, tumblring, working on accumulating more fun/weird shit for my room, designing and dreaming up future tattoo projects

Do you have pets?

Nope, allergic to most of them, but I did have a pet fantail goldie years back. Her name was Peppy Pepperoni, and she had the silliest personality. I miss her every day.

How tall are you?

5'11 (6'1 in creepers! lol)

Favorite Subject in school

Hated school with every fiber of my being. Only time I enjoyed being in class was back when I was at Schiel (performing arts primary school in Cincy) Art, music, drama, and dance. If we'd had the money I could have gone from Schiel to SCPA and continued an education that was 100% devoted to the Arts. Ah, well.

Dream Job

If we weren't still in the midst of the plague- I'd love to be part of a haunted house/haunted attractions company. Anything that helps me further my dream of making Halloween every day 🖤

#memetiemz

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berwarnabiru · 2 years ago

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Nine-years crush

I remember that one moment I had a crush on my classmate. I was in my eight gade and I think that was the best love story of my life. Not because he had the same feeling for me, but because something that I try to figure out here, through this writing.

Every moment I spent with him is precious. The way he's excited to my thoughts, our long replies on twitter, and the way he worked hard to be the best version of himself.

We only became classmates for a year, our sparkling 8 grade. At that time, he had crush for a senior, but I've never mind it. I only cherish the moment we had together as classmates. I can't even make sure when, why, and how I fall for him. Bt everything I felt for him, I kept it in silence.

On our final year in junior high, we attended the same extra course to get prepared for high school selection. I was targetting a state high school under Ministry of Religious Affairs, while he's going to boarding school. On his first day of the extra, he didn't have any book yet so our teacher asked me to lend mine. When he gave it back to me, I found a flipped blank paper. Nothing was there but his hand sign with his name written in arabic letter.

I know that one wasn't special.

Our school used to hold an art performance at the end of the academic year. Our class once performed a musical drama last year, and decided to do musical performance once again on our final year, even the members weren't in the same class anymore. For that, I made an illustration of them and he asked me to do one for him - the illustration of musical performance members.

Ramadan 8 years ago, before we got to our high school - oh I failed my target so I went to another school - he asked me how to type in arabic letter on phone. I told him how to, and then he wrote me a greeting for Idul Fitri.

I know that one wasn't special either.

What special is, the feeling I had for him. It was so pure that I can't have the same feeling or gesture towards any other man in the next phase of my love story. If I become productive when I fall in love with my senior, my colleague, or my coordiator, this one made me become the best version of myself.

Last night, my memory with him came to my mind. I dared myself to follow his Instagram account, since I havent't followed it yet. So, it's the first time after 9 years, then? I think he wouldn't follow me back, since he's famous. Not just for today, but since long ago. But this morning, I saw the notification status that he followed me back. Happy? A little bit.

And now what? That's no way I come to him and say "I had feeling for your, nine years ago". Idiot. Maybe once again, I just cherish this feeling in silence one more time.

#memory #daily thoughts #jatuh cinta

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shiningwonderland · 2 years ago

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Masato Hijirikawa (Repeat)

Translator: Boo (Twitter: masatoswife)

Proofreader: Rei (Twitter: wolfe_raine)

Editors: Mae (Twitter: itoshikimaegirl), Terry (Twitter: turtlemudge)

QA: Rei: (Twitter: wolfe_raine)

October — A Passionate Cadenza

It’s October. I’m very excited because a school festival will be held at the academy at the end of the month.

Masato Hijirikawa: What to do, what to do…

Haruka Nanami: ??? Is something wrong?

Masato Hijirikawa: Ah, Tsukimiya-sensei has asked me to decide what our class will be doing for the school festival, but I haven't quite come up with a good idea yet.

Haruka Nanami: I see. How about…

Select the Phrase!

ライブとか... Something like a show…? (+10 Love, +10 Music)

Masato Hijirikawa: A live show, you say… It’s not a bad idea, but if we do a live show with everyone in our lass, the song selection will be…

Haruka Nanami: Ah… that’s right. And we can't possibly sing with everyone at once either, can we…

Masato Hijirikawa: It's not that it would not be possible, but on top of the fact everyone in class is very picky about their music, our preferences are too varied. Picking a song seems like it would take a very long time.

お化け屋敷. A haunted house? (+5 Love +0 Music)

Masato Hijirikawa: Well, it certainly is a classic, but preparing it seems very time-consuming.

Masato Hijirikawa: Not to mention that since we're in a performing arts school, I'd prefer to think about something that can be done on stage.

占いの館.　A fortune-telling hall? (+20 Love, +5 Music)

Masato Hijirikawa: Fortune-telling…?

Haruka Nanami: Yes! I might not look it, but I'm good at fortune-telling using Tarot.

Masato Hijirikawa: Uh… huh…

Haruka Nanami: Intuition and inspiration are important for fortune-telling, but I personally think the ability to read the atmosphere, or rather the feelings of the other person, is an important aspect of it as well.

Haruka Nanami: When the other person tells you what they want to know and turns over a card, that's the card you'll be reading.

Haruka Nanami: Each one of the cards have many different meanings, and there is no one way to interpret them.

Haruka Nanami: That’s why you have to listen to your client carefully and pick the answer that suits them best.

Haruka Nanami: People who want their fortune told often have already decided on an answer deep in their hearts, before the reading.

Haruka Nanami: So what I do is try and help bring that answer to the surface.

Haruka Nanami: If I refine this skill and can sense a singer's request as a sound in my heart instead of my head, then surely I'll be able to write good songs…

Haruka Nanami: It may just be a selfish daydream… But either way, I like to tell someone's fortune every once in a while.

Masato Hijirikawa: That's a good attitude to have. Feeling that an idol and a composer should meet halfway is an essential approach. I'll try to follow your example.

Masato Hijirikawa: However… A fortune-telling hall might be difficult to do with our class.

Masato Hijirikawa: It would have been fine if more people had fortune-telling as their hobby, but as it is, you would be carrying too big a burden on your own.

Haruka Nanami: Then… how about a play?

Masato Hijirikawa: A play…? That sounds interesting.

Masato Hijirikawa: When I was younger, my grandfather often brought me along to the theater to see plays.

Masato Hijirikawa: The 'live' impression differentiates them from movies or drama series.

Haruka Nanami: What kind of performance should we do?

Masato Hijirikawa: Right… An original creation, or maybe a classic…

Haruka Nanami: A classic, you say… If that's what we're going with, then maybe…

Select the Phrase!

歌舞伎とか. A kabuki performance? (+0 Love +5 Music)

Masato Hijirikawa: It's certainly a traditional performing art, but… It’s not exactly a walk in the park for amateurs.

Haruka Nanami: Ah… T-then… it’s a little cliche, but how about Shakespeare?

Masato Hijirikawa: Now that you mention it… Since he's written many stories everyone is familiar with, it sounds like a good idea.

竹取物語とか. The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter? (+0 Love +5 Music)

Masato Hijirikawa: That certainly is a classic, but rather… a classic piece of folklore.

Haruka Nanami: T-then, how about Shakespeare? Something like 'Romeo and Juliet' or 'Hamlet'.

Masato Hijirikawa: You're right, it would be good to go with something standard.

シェイクスピアとか. Shakespeare. (+10 Love, +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Or… is that too simple?

Masato Hijirikawa: Not at all, I'm quite fond of Shakespeare as well. Our tastes align…

Masato Hijirikawa: Besides, there isn't much time. There is no need to try and be eccentric, so it’s fine if we keep it standard.

Masato Hijirikawa: So if we’re going through with Shakespeare, 'Romeo and Juliet' is the most familiar among Japanese people, isn't it?

Haruka Nanami: I think so.

Masato Hijirikawa: Then let's propose it to Tsukimiya-sensei.

And so, our class will be performing 'Romeo and Juliet,' but…

It seems like everyone in class will be busy with live performances and such, so it will be difficult for everyone to participate. Or rather, they pretty much just can't.

Which is why we don't have a very big cast to work with.

Still, we somehow managed to reduce the cast and shorten the time through trial and error.

As for the cast… Hijirikawa-sama will act as Romeo-sama.

And the role of Juliet… seems to have fallen to me.

Am I really fit for such a major role? But now that I've already accepted, I'll have to do my absolute best.

Masato Hijirikawa: In the end, it's best for us to play the main roles and leave those with fewer lines for Ittoki, Shinomiya, and Shibuya.

Masato Hijirikawa: As long as the outline stays true to the original, it'll be fine to add some elements of our own.

Haruka Nanami: Then, first of all, we should write the script…

Masato Hijirikawa: Mhm… Although, we aren’t professional writers.

Masato Hijirikawa: Rather than re-writing, we ought to fumble around while acting out the existing script.

Haruka Nanami: …Okay.

Three days later… We're playing according to the existing script, though it's not going all too well.

But…

Masato Hijirikawa: Haru… In that part just now, could you try coming a little closer?

Haruka Nanami: Ah, o-of course!

Masato Hijirikawa: Your movements are stiff… Try to relax a little more.

Haruka Nanami: U-um… do you have any experience with theater?

Masato Hijirikawa: I wouldn't quite call it experience, but last year, at the school festival of the senior high school I attended, we performed a play with our class just like now.

Masato Hijirikawa: …It was actually a lot of fun.

Hijirikawa-sama smiles cheerfully.

Masato Hijirikawa: When playing a role, I can become the character and live a different life. It truly is a delightful thing to do.

Masato Hijirikawa: Especially since my own life has already been decided by my parents… I think I have told you before, but my grandfather often brought me along to see plays.

Masato Hijirikawa: He's a real theatergoer, so after watching the plays, he would tell me about them. Things like how the acting was, or that the production was worthless.

Masato Hijirikawa: It seems he still visits the theater once a month, even now. But as you would expect, I haven't been invited ever since I entered this school.

Masato Hijirikawa: Since plays are perishable in the same way as food, there's a transient feeling to them, like how even if you watch the same play twice, it is a once-in-a-lifetime experience that you won't get to see the exact same way again.

Masato Hijirikawa: There's also a sense of unity with the audience. The heat of the audience invigorating the stage as well as the conversation between them and the cast are unique to stage performances.

Masato Hijirikawa: However, if I were to be on stage, I would have to have that same conversation. And since ad-libbing is not my strongest suit, I will have to give it practice.

When Hijirikawa-sama talks about theater, his eyes shine and the tone of his voice gradually becomes more and more impassioned.

Haruka Nanami: You really like theater, huh…?

Masato Hijirikawa: Yeah, perhaps you are right. In the event that I become an idol, acting is something I'd like to challenge myself with as well…

Masato Hijirikawa: Just by acting, an actor can become anything. That is what appeals to me.

Haruka Nanami: Can't you go see any plays with your parents or your little sister?

The moment I ask him, Hijirikawa-sama's expression quickly turns gloomy.

Masato Hijirikawa: It's because my father lives solely for his work. Entertainment is irrelevant to him.

Masato Hijirikawa: My father is the second son, and was apparently not supposed to inherit the conglomerate. My grandfather told me he was rather mischievous when he was younger.

Masato Hijirikawa: However, my uncle—my father's older brother— was so gentle that he was deceived many times, and for a while the management of the business seemed to be keeling over.

Masato Hijirikawa: My father then rebuilt it with his assertive abilities, and raised it up to be the representative conglomerate of Japan. My uncle's days seem to have been pretty lenient.

Masato Hijirikawa: My father is relentless. They say that if there was an employee who slacked off even a little, he'd punish them corporally, kick them off the desk, and when he discovered an error in the management he would rampage all over the place.

Masato Hijirikawa: Apparently since he'd unexpectedly show up at associated companies without prior contact, his employees feared him, and even called him a 'monster incarnate' behind his back.

M-monster incarnate???

Even though Hijirikawa-sama is so earnest and composed… Could a parent and child really differ that much in personality?

Masato Hijirikawa: Consequently, I've heard it strengthened the network between fellow corporations, so when my father showed up at a nearby company, a warning would circulate to all the companies in its vicinity.

A warning…? Like a typhoon…

Masato Hijirikawa: Rather than fear having that kind of power, his existence became like the great king of fear itself. Feared by everyone, he played the autocrat.

Haruka Nanami: The great king of fear… Your father sounds quite awe-inspiring.

Masato Hijirikawa: Mhm, he's a very severe person. To be honest, even I fear him from time to time…

Masato Hijirikawa: In any case, given the fact he single-handedly expanded the conglomerate just like that, there are high expectations of me, too.

Masato Hijirikawa: Due to my uncle's failures, I was raised very strictly so that I wouldn't follow in his footsteps. It was very constrained, so there was no room for me to disobey by any means.

And if it's someone people call a 'monster incarnate' or 'the great king of fear', that makes disobeying all the more difficult.

Still, Hijirikawa-sama went as far as to defy such a scary father just to come here.

Masato Hijirikawa: That’s why it feels like a miracle being here with you right now. …Oops, we've been shooting the breeze. Let's continue our practice.

Haruka Nanami: Right!

Then, since he can’t leave my poor acting uncorrected, Hijirikawa-sama politely teaches me everything little by little.

Suddenly, he leans in closer…

Masato Hijirikawa: At this part, where I take your hand… Are you fine with me pulling you in closer by your waist?

Haruka Nanami: …Eh?

Masato Hijirikawa: In this scene, I whisper my love to you. I think it would work better if your face was closer.

Select the Phrase!

で、でも... B-but… (+10 Love +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: It’s… a little embarrassing.

Masato Hijirikawa: You think so…? Although, if you blush like you are now, perhaps it can convey the expression of a maiden in love.

Masato Hijirikawa: Then… How is this?

Suddenly, Hijirikawa-sama kneels down in front of me and takes my hand.

He looks up to me with slightly watery eyes.

In just a snap, he got into his role. He must have an amazing ability to focus for him to change his entire demeanor in an instant…

He's really talented, huh…

Masato Hijirikawa: The moment I laid my eyes upon you, my heart throbbed furiously.

Masato Hijirikawa: No matter what may stand in my way, no matter how harsh the future will be from here on out…

I want to take you away with me right now.

Masato Hijirikawa: Even now, the hammering in my chest still echoes, and my hand is wandering in search of you.

Masato Hijirikawa: I am aware that telling you this will only trouble you, but even so…

I feel helpless, wanting you.

Hijirikawa-sama kisses the back of my hand.

Haruka Nanami: A-ah, um, um, ehm, um!!!

Masato Hijirikawa: … Pardon me. Since this is a play, I figured we ought to convey this much…

Ah, it’s the usual Hijirikawa-sama. He’s amazing at switching 'on' and 'off'.

He has amazing talent as a singer, but it feels like he'd be able to break out as an actor as well.

Masato Hijirikawa: If you're that shaken, however…

If you don't get at least a little used to it, our faults might become visible at the actual performance.

Masato Hijirikawa: Shall we continue practicing, my Juliet?

Juliet.' The energy in the voice that called out to me felt like that of Romeo himself.

Haruka Nanami: …We shall, Romeo-sama.

あ、はい、そうですね. Ah, yeah, you're right. (+0 Love +0 Music)

Masato Hijirikawa: Then, we'll do it like that in this scene.

Haruka Nanami: Okay.

もっと情熱的かも. Perhaps a little more passionate. (+25 Love +0 Music)

Masato Hijirikawa: Passionate, you say… Then…

As soon as that word leaves his lips, something in his eyes changes. He feels like Romeo-sama himself, causing me to unintentionally startle a little.

Being able to slip into his role in just a moment… Amazing…

Suddenly, Hijirikawa-sama grabs me by my waist and embraces me. After closing the distance between us to the point that it feels like our cheeks are touching, he once again stares straight into my eyes.

Haruka Nanami: Eh… U-um…

With Hijirikawa-sama getting into his role, I've ended up feeling a bit panicky.

Masato Hijirikawa: Even though I can embrace you just by reaching out my hands a little…

Masato Hijirikawa: When telling you about my love, your heart seems more endlessly distant than the sky.

Masato Hijirikawa: But no, I have realized the truth. Your feelings are the same as mine… Despite realizing it, you’ve been pretending you haven’t.

His usual voice is beautiful, but… it sounds even more intense and amorous now. Hearing his voice alone is enough to make my heart pound.

Masato Hijirikawa: If only I could abandon all my ties and take you away tonight… I do not know the amount of times I've wished I was able to do so.

Masato Hijirikawa: Although… Indeed, it is just how cowardly I am.

Masato Hijirikawa: However, right now, for just this moment… Please, I want you to be my goddess only.

Hijirikawa-sama gently kisses my hair.

Haruka Nanami: A-ah… That's… ehm… U-um…

W-what…? The… the next line… What is it again…? E-eh?

Masato Hijirikawa: Why are you so restless? You were the one to suggest I should be more passionate, right?

Haruka Nanami: A-ah, I guess… that's true…. U-um… I'm feeling a bit ruffled…

Masato Hijirikawa: Is that so… We can't afford to forget the script in the actual performance. Let’s stop for now…

Since then, we've finished writing the script and practiced tons.

Today is the performance.

I'm a little nervous.

Haruka Nanami: Ah! It's this late already? I should go and call Masato-kun.

As I head to the classroom we're using as a waiting room…

I find Hijirikawa-sama deep in conversation with an unknown man with a severe expression.

Hijirikawa-sama's face is stiff… I can feel the tension from here.

Masato Hijirikawa: Father… You've come.

…Hm? Did he say father?

Eh!! That man is the father that people called a 'monster incarnate' and 'the great king of fear!?'

I don't see anyone but a dandy, middle-aged man… He's the person who causes rampages at companies??? Whoa… I never would have guessed…

Masaomi: I've only come to see just how stupid the school you’ve chosen is.

Masato Hijirikawa: Um… Is Mai…

Masaomi: Right. She wanted to come along, but I've decided to leave her home.

Masato Hijirikawa: … I see…

Hijirikawa-sama clenches his fist tightly.

Masaomi: It truly is a rubbish place. … I'm letting you play around just this once. But if you haven't grown after one year…

Masato Hijirikawa: …I know…

Masaomi: You’re the heir to the Hijirikawa family, Masato. That is the one thing I can't have you forget…

He says nothing else before turning his back and leaving.

With a grim expression on his face, Hijirikawa-sama stares down his father's back.

…That’s right…

Hijirikawa-sama is the heir to a big conglomerate. I thought I understood, but…

He always treats me so normally, I tend to forget he's a person of status and I wouldn't be able to talk to him so easily normally.

But the truth is that his existence is very distant from mine.

Even though I've only felt closer to you up until now... You're actually much more distant…

Masato Hijirikawa: Haru…? Why are you standing in a place like this?

Haruka Nanami: Ah, um, it’s…

While I’m spacing out in the hallway, Hijirikawa-sama calls out to me.

Masato Hijirikawa: …Did you perhaps… hear what just…

Haruka Nanami: Ah, I'm… I'm sorry. Um… That person just now, was that your…

Masato Hijirikawa: Father, yes.

Haruka Nanami: He’s quite a dignified man, huh…

Masato Hijirikawa: Well, that's why his employees titled him 'the great king of fear.'

Saying that, he smiles.

I quickly realize he was just pretending to be strong with that joke, so as to not cause me any worries.

Haruka Nanami: You don't have to act tough… Please don't swallow it down on your own. Are you… afraid of your dad?

Masato Hijirikawa: …Saying I'm not would be a lie. That man has a hold over everything in my life.

Masato Hijirikawa: My father always wants it his way, no exceptions. If he says something is white, even black will be white…

Masato Hijirikawa: He’s that kind of person.

Masato Hijirikawa: Until now, I’ve had no choice but to live as he wanted me to. However…

Masato Hijirikawa: Last winter. I noticed he arranged something with the school I was supposed to have a hard time enrolling into, so that only I was able to enroll.

Hijirikawa-sama clenches his back teeth.

Haruka Nanami: That’s… cruel…

Masato Hijirikawa: It shocked me. And shortly after, I happened upon a list with my education plans in my father's study.

Masato Hijirikawa: On it were things like what school I should go to next, what skills I will have acquired at what age, and which positions I can take over at what age.

Masato Hijirikawa: They were filled out in detail. …At that time, I thought to myself…

Masato Hijirikawa: …My life is so shallow it can be expressed on a single sheet of A4 paper…

A single sheet of A4 paper…

Regardless of that person's intentions, to have complete control over someone like that…

If I were in Hijirikawa-sama's position… Even if I try to think about it, it's so disconnected from my reality that I can't imagine it.

Masato Hijirikawa: Realizing this is how shallow my existence is, I was in despair.

His clenched fist is starting to tremble.

Haruka Nanami: Masato-kun…

I tightly grasp Hijirikawa-sama's hand with both of mine.

I can’t do much more, but I want him to cheer up, even if it’s just a little.

Then, Hijirikawa-sama smiles and gazes at me with kind eyes.

Masato Hijirikawa: You really do give me courage, always. Even back then…

Haruka Nanami: Back then…?

Masato Hijirikawa: Nothing… Now isn't the time to tell you yet.

Haruka Nanami: ???

I wonder what it is. It's a little difficult to ask in this kind of atmosphere, though.

Masato Hijirikawa: Don’t worry about it. Right now, I have a dream: to become a professional with you.

Masato Hijirikawa: Someone like that can't have a shallow existence by any means.

Masato Hijirikawa: For the first time since I was born, I'm living as myself. I have you to thank for that.

I'm not sure I understand, but I'm happy if I was of any help.

I, too, have become more confident in myself recently because of Hijirikawa-sama.

Every time he's told me to "have confidence," I start looking up and forward more.

Even I, who was bad at eye contact and would always look downwards up until junior high school…

… have gradually grown more confident since entering this school.

With the support of various people, I'm here right now. I have to do my best.

Haruka Nanami: Ehm… I’ll be doing my best, so…

Select the Phrase!

結果を出しましょう! Let’s get results! (+15 Love +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Let's start with today's play. We've practiced so much, we can do this! I'm sure even your dad will like it!

Masato Hijirikawa: Yeah, you're right. I left home declaring I would definitely become an idol.

Masato Hijirikawa: We can't show him something half-baked. Besides, I want my father to understand the beauty of theater…

舞台成功させましょう. Let’s make the play a success. (+10 Love, +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: You're his child, so… I’m sure your dad also wishes for your happiness.

Haruka Nanami: Let’s show him your deep feelings towards idols. I’m certain today is an opportunity!

Haruka Nanami: When he sees you on stage, I'm sure he'll finally understand.

Masato Hijirikawa: …You're right. There's no point if we don't show any results to begin with.

Haruka Nanami: Let’s do our best!

Masato Hijirikawa: Let's.

元気を出して下さい. Please cheer up. (+5 Love +0 Music)

Masato Hijirikawa: You're right… If I'm shaken up before the performance, it will show in my acting. I must face the play with a clear mind.

Then, it’s time for the long-awaited performance. I feel extremely nervous knowing that Hijirikawa-sama's father will be watching.

Nevertheless, with Hijirikawa-sama's follow-up in the opening stages, everything goes smoothly.

He gradually gets more heated, and his acting becomes increasingly passionate.

Haruka Nanami: O, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

Uuuh. My voice is unsteady, but I have to do my best.

Masato Hijirikawa: … It's…

Suddenly the arms that reach out to me are holding me firmly.

Haruka Nanami: Eh…?

His movements… they're different from what we've practiced. Sometimes he'd get very passionate when entering his role during practice too, but…

It must be because it's the actual performance. His spirit feels different…

Masato Hijirikawa: … Because I do not have the courage to throw everything away.

Haruka Nanami: … ?

W-what do I do? Even his lines are different.

Is he… ad-libbing? How should I handle this…?

Masato Hijirikawa: … It is because I am afraid of losing everything that I cannot even take your lips.

A gaze much gentler than usual stares into my eyes.

Haruka Nanami: … ? … ??

Eh… U-um…

Masato Hijirikawa: But the warmth that is you, who is here right now…

Hijirikawa-sama embraces my body so tight, it hurts.

Haruka Nanami: … !!! Eh…?

His face is… close… It's like our lips could touch at any moment.

His expression is heartrending. Is this really… acting…?

Getting into his role this much… I have to embody Juliet as well. But as much as I want to, I can't concentrate.

Masato Hijirikawa: If it makes my heart waver so much… If it brings me this much pain, then…

Masato Hijirikawa: For the sake of love alone, I want to be only your knight tonight…

Haruka Nanami: U-um, ehm…

Masato Hijirikawa: Ah! … Excuse me.

He mutters in a whisper as his expression changes, and the energy of his acting turns back to normal.

Masato Hijirikawa: Juliet… I was born for the sake of meeting and protecting you alone.

The lines return to those from the script again and Hijirikawa-sama finally sets me free.

After that, the play continues like normal, but despite there being no more ad libs…

Hijirikawa-sama begins to act strange again once we get to the scene after eloping, where we give our vows in the church.

Shining Saotome: Do YOU believe in God, as weeell as Shining?

Haruka Nanami: I do.

Shining Saotome: OK OK! Then, I'll allow the kiss in the name of Shining! Let's do the mwah mwah!

Following the lines of the priest — played by the principal — Hijirikawa-sama pulls me towards himself by my waist.

U-um… his face is… closer than we practiced.

The kiss to seal our vows. Even though we’ll only pretend… I can't stop my heart from beating so fast.

Masato Hijirikawa: Haru…

Did he just whisper my name…?

Haruka Nanami: Eh…?

But right now, I'm Juliet…

Masato Hijirikawa: Even if I give in to this momentary feeling, there won't be any happiness for me… I won't be able to make you happy…

Masato Hijirikawa: Even though reason is sounding the alarm not to do it… Thousands of passionate feelings are flowing over…

Masato Hijirikawa: They're growing so violent, there's no stopping them any longer.

Masato Hijirikawa: In this monochrome life where I'm bound to my family and don't have any freedom, you are all that blooms vividly and mesmerizes me.

Masato Hijirikawa: … Only you are my miracle. The one and only existence.

As he whispers into my ear, all strength leaves my body.

My mind has become numb to the core, and I can’t… think anymore…

Masato Hijirikawa: Haru. I'm certain that my birth has been for the sole sake of protecting you.

His lips come closer…

Shining Saotome: …If you really do it, you will be expelled.

The priest — who is really just the principal — mutters softly.

Haruka Nanami: Ah! Romeo-sama… We shouldn't!!!

I instinctively push Hijirikawa-sama away.

Haruka Nanami: Ah…

Shining Saotome: And so, Romeo and Juliet never crossed the line. And they all lived happily ever afteeer~

The principal forcibly puts an end to the performance and the curtains fall.

It ended up as an unfinished Romeo and Juliet, but the audience's appraisal was good enough as it was.

Though…

Hijirikawa-sama hasn't looked me in the eye even once since the performance ended.

And I, too, ended up avoiding him out of embarrassment…

Without having exchanged a word, the school festival ended.

Haruka Nanami: Everyone is probably enjoying the after-party by now, huh…

I'm alone on the rooftop, gazing at the stars.

Romeo and Juliet are a son and daughter from opposing families, and in reality, they shouldn't have fallen in love.

But having fallen in love on the day of meeting each other, they eloped in an attempt to oppose those inevitable realities.

And yet, by toying with their destinies, they both die in the end.

It is said that when they met, Romeo was fifteen, and Juliet was thirteen.

And the time between their encounter and their death was only five days…

They should have known they couldn't fall for each other. What was it that made their feelings so strong?

I wonder what I would do if I liked someone I shouldn’t fall in love with…

Select the Phrase!

あきらめる. Give up. (+0 Love +0 Music)

It depends on the situation, but if it were to inconvenience the other, I feel like giving up would be the better choice.

わからない. I don’t know. (+10 Love +0 Music)

Because if I still fell for them even though I know I shouldn't…

Then that love would be so strong, and… Um…

Perhaps it's just because I played Juliet earlier, but I really empathize with her feelings.

I guess I don't have the answer right now.

好きにならない. Not love them. (+0 Love +0 Music)

If I know I cannot fall in love with someone, it’d be better not to fall in love with them to start with.

That's probably the only thing.

But if I still came to like them… I wonder what on earth I'd do then.

Would I actually be able to give it up?

Haruka Nanami: Love, huh…

I don’t understand it that well since it's a world so distant from me, but…

If love is that heart-pounding feeling I felt on stage earlier… What should I do then?

Haruka Nanami: No, there's no way. Those were Juliet's feelings.

Haruka Nanami: Masato-kun plays Romeo so well that even I was able to slip into my role…

That must be all there is to it… So I'm sure that starting tomorrow, I'll just be my usual self again.

Everything should be back to normal. It must…

Mini Game

Ringo Tsukimiya: This time, we'll go back to basics and study rhythm again!

Ringo Tsukimiya: But don't be fooled, the difficulty level will be higher than before, so beware~

Ringo Tsukimiya: Since rhythm is so important, please try to keep it in mind at all times.

Ringo Tsukimiya: I'll show you first, and then you'll try to follow my lead.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Well then, let’s do this! Follow my lead~!

Perfect S Rank

Masato Hijirikawa: What should I do with this urge?

Masato Hijirikawa: Even though I know it will never be tolerated, this heart that wishes to hold you in my arms…

Masato Hijirikawa: Please restrain it with your music.

… Hijirikawa-sama?

After finishing the test and turning around, I see him standing in the corner of the classroom.

But while I hesitate between calling out to him or not, he turns away and leaves.

It’s… still too awkward, huh…

I hope we can talk like usual tomorrow, but…

Chapter End

#Masato Hijirikawa #UtaPri #MasatoRepeat #Repeat

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sodomyordeath · 12 days ago

Text

Questions Questions and more Questions

There are many new readers to my humble blog so I figured I would post an other round of QA. This time I'm repeating answers to questions I got in the past and not point you all to the sucky search function as this presence turns 10 later this year.

Q: Are you on any other social media site? A: Oh shit this is social Media? Gonna have to delete the account. j/k Short Answer, no. Long Answer I had some in the past but can't be aresed these days. Also I don't use this site as social media. It's more of a blog to me. And no I never was on facebook or twitter.

Q: What subculture do you belong to? A: Let me quickly check my membership cards… When you are around for a while things get a good bit more complicated than high school cliques or marketing target groups. So let's try to simplify and break it down. Most dominant is the Goth (specifically the Deathrock) aspect. So if you have to reduce my to one thing that's the one. The Psycho(billy) and to a lower degree the Metal Head and of course the Drag and the Burlesque have left there marks in 30 years of being a performer.

Q: Are you still performing? A: Sadly I had to retire from all stage activities 2 years ago. My health just doesn't allow it anymore. My condition is degenerative so it's highly unlikely that I'll ever be able to come back even in a limited capacity.

Q: When did you start performing? A: Ignoring preschool my first public show as a musician was in 1990 (vocals and bass in Morgana's Death) First DJ Residency in 1993 (First with a Goth night, later that year it got extended to a second night featering all kinds of extreme metal and from New Years Eve '94 on a, what I would call, party rock/metal/punk night got added so by January I had a 3 nights per week Residency) First public appearence as my Drag Persona (Helela Hveðrungrssdóttir) was in 1995 that was also the year I took her international with her first US of A gig.

Q: Have you been a theatre/musical theater kid? A: As strange as it sounds, no. I, however was in acting class my entire school time and ended up playing lead more often than not.

Q: So you've been a theater kid. A: No I don't see myself as one. We all know the early stuff preschool/kindergarten and elemtary school* everyone is drafted to play a part (like tree #2) in school plays no matter if they like it or not. To my dismay it turned out I wasn't half bad at it. Over time they just refused to let me go. Being able to retain a script after reading it once is pretty handy and I always had a good sense of timing (very much needed for comedy as well as drama) and a better grasp on my own physicality as most kids (because of martial arts and later dancing). I had more than one Drama teachear in those years that tried to convince me of considering acting as a career but it was nothing I had a passion for. To keep it short I have the faundation for acting but never had the passion for it or the obsession with it. But I do speak actor fluently ;-)

Q: Have you ever been in a Rocky Horror Shadow Cast? A: No but I was in a stage production. Well 2, actually.

Q: So you've been in Musical Theatre Productions A: Yes but it's complicated. Let me just paste in an old replay on the topic of Musical Theater in general

Q: You said you don't like musicals but you seem to know a lot about 'em. How so? A: I, in fact, “know” a lot of old musicals because my grandmother loved to watching ‘em and I, as a little kid, got exposed to ‘em. Trust me I was pretty shocked when I took a musical quiz and scored 100% for musicals before 1980.

Now on to the ones that I willingly watched and actually like that’s stuff like Rocky Horror, Tommy (Tina performing "Acid Queen"), Little Shop of Horrors later on RENT (well kinda. I’ve seen it a couple of times with friends***) Hedwig, Taboo, Repo! The Genetic Opera (it's 50/50 for me but of course Joan Jett was the selling point) ,The Devil’s Carnival (could have been better), Kinky Boots…

You could say it’s very much a matter of topic and music. If it doesn’t rock at least a li’l I just don’t care. I can’t stand "Dance of the Vampires" and "Sweeney Todd: The Demon barber of Fleet Street" for example. Right topic but I just can not get into the music. To the eternal dismay of my sister who loves Dance of the Vampires.

The typical Andrew Lloyd Webber** sound makes me want to punch someone and stuff Like Queen the musical or Rock of Ages create the same reaction. Guess “mainstream” just isn’t for me even with damn Musicals…

And on the topic of Musicals I performed in Rocky Horror (2) of course, Eddie/Dr. Scott and Frank Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2) Hedwig Little Shop of Horrors (1) The Dentist. It was more Orin Scrivello, D.D.S. than Dr. Phoebus Farb in this production or, as a critic wrote, if Dee Dee Ramone was a Dentist

Q: Have you been in other After School Clubs? A: Gods that was forever ago. Let me think. They always tried to draft me for the school band but I refused. Sorry but they just sucked with the exception of my friend Turtle (rip) who played drums there. I was in the Video Club (yes I also do speak film student). The Chess Club. Once again got drafted and they never did let me go. The school paper. Layout (it was the early days of Desktop Publishing), ad sales (hey just because I hate capitalism doesn't mean I can't operate under it) and second Editor-in-chief. I refused to also be the chief as doing the Layout already ate so much of my time. We won best school paper 3 times in the 3 years I did it. Oh and the Computer Club of Course.

Q: What was the first Instrument you learned playing? A: Piano

Q: Have you ever done Improv? A: Yes, I highly recomend it to any kind of performer

Q: Do you like Comedy/Stand-Up? A: I prefer skits over Stand-Up both as performer and as a part of the audiance As a Drag Queen I did a lot of hosting (and roasts) over the span of my career and that's an Art in and on itself

Q: Is it true that you've been in a Black Metal band? A: It's true that I played in more than one but none of 'em was "my band". I was a recording member in one and live/touring member in two others in the 90's

Q: Have you ever played on a festival stage? A: I have

Q: Club or Stadium A: Always Club. Doesn't matter if on or off stage.

Q: What do you love the most about Drag? A: That you can do everything you want as a performer. Only your skills and your fantasy limits you.

Q: Character Queen or Chameleon? A: Both have there place but I prefer a Character Queen and that's one of the reasons I'm not happy with Drag Race these days.

Q: What's the other Reasons? A: Capitalism

Q: Lip Sync or Singing A: As a Vocalist I take live vocals over Lip Syncs every day of the week but with some performers it's almost impossible to do live vocals. Also Lip Syncing is an Art (much inovation has been done by the great Lypsinca) in its own right when one does more than just move the mouth to a bad pop song.

Q: Do all Baby Queens suck? A: No but you have to understand that people come from very different places. Some baby queens can paint but are new to a stage and others can perform but the makeup is… less good. When I started I already had 5 years of stage experience and the difference between my stage look at that time and my "normal" stage or party look was a wig and lashes.

Q: If you don't ware Nails… A: This is utter nonsense. In 30 years I wore fake nails exactly once because my natural nails are longer than most girls acrylics

Q: Bearded Queens are… A: Awesome, not only am I friends with a bunch of 'em but I even had my own bearded persona.

Q: Why don't you say names most of the time? A: My Name isn't Willam and this is the Internet. The last thing I need is someones stans or other crazies.

Q: Are you a spiritual person? A: I'm as spiritual as a rock. So not at all. I'm not a believer I'm a knower or, more often, not knower. Sceptic by nature and scientist by training. As stated in the FAQ that nobody seems to read I'm a Nontheistic Satanist.

Q: So no ghosts, hounted houses/places? A: My friends claim that I scare away the ghosts. Fun fact: My old house was on top a mass grave of pestilence victims from the dark ages. In a decade there I've never seen a ghost.

Q: Do you play video games? A: Yep, always have always will.

Q: Are you on the Left? A: Every time someone talks about the Radical Left in Corporate Media there's a good chance they talk about someone I consider a Centrist or center left at most.

Q: So you are a Communist? A: There are many kinds of Communists but I wouldn't call myself one. I see myself as an anti authoritarian with a preference for Radical Democracy.

Q: Isn't that Anarchism? A: If you want to simplify it you can read it as such.

Q: But isn't ANTIFA a bunch of Terrorists? A: No it's people that do what they can to fight**** Fascists however they can. And that's something everyone should do. In fact I see it as a civic duety.

Q: Are you really almost 50 you don't look and sound like my parents. A: Well I'm still born in 1977 and I guess your parents aren't non-binary pansexual polyamorous Goth Drag Queens ;-)

That's it for now.

*I losely map it to US standards for readabilty as most of you seem to be from the US and my education was in the German School System

**However Peter Hofmann's performance as Phantom in Phantom of the Opera still gives me chills

*** I forgt to mention in the original answer that these friends were acting in it

**** With fight I don't mean beating those bastards from the streets. Fascists hate it to be ridiculed so doing that is one of the strongest weapons.

#me #2025 #questions

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xtrablak674 · 2 months ago

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Andy Feder

(pronounced 'fader') It was always plutonic, like in the way queer coming of age films that the two teenaged males have very strong feelings, but nothing ever really happens.

We met in high school, I am thinking it was my sophomore year, which was my first year in the school. I can't recall the specific situation, even with so many of my memories coming back, high school is still generally a fog. I do know this he had a bunch of art major friends and they would love to hang out in the basement which was half the drama department the other half instrumental music. I was of course in the Drama department.

Corina and Sandra were my pre-high school friends so the first year I would usually be found in their vicinity albeit we called ourselves 3-2-1 Contact after the popular PBS children's science show because of our very television constructed diversity. Latina girl, white girl and Black boy. I feel like Andy's crew and my gang just interacted a bit, and I guess Andy and I made a connection beyond our cliques.

Part of my education happened like it would in college, outside of the classroom. I realized Performing Arts was a specialized school, but it was also an affluent school bringing together kids from various social-economic backgrounds. At the time I thought I was poor and for all intensive purposes children are poor, no matter what their parents have, they don't usually have their own, nor are expected to. How that plays out amongst your peers is very different, because everything about you is scrutinized during this hormone-ridden period.

I was actually from an upper middle-class household, but wouldn't know that until I was an adult. Andy wasn't rich but there was clearly more money being made in both of his households than my grandparents home. Andy's parents were separated, he primarily lived with his mom in Brooklyn, but would also visit his dad in I think it was Jersey. It was such a thrill for me when he first invited me his apartment in what I thought is Brooklyn Heights, but may be DUMBO even though it isn't under the bridge.

He has a sister Sam, who I can't remember how much we interacted if at all, but I think he also had an Asian step-sister from his dad's marriage. But that isn't what I thought was so cool. His mom had given him free-range in his room, like mines back in the Bronx there were street signs, but he had also spray-painted areas of the wall and had drawn on them. I think it was a red and white color scheme with such fascinating objects that filled it.

Later I would find out that he considers himself bisexual, I had mixed feelings about this, and I want to be clear I don't think I had romantic feelings for Andy. But I was enamored with him, he lived such a different life than mines with such interesting experiences, he introduced me to ska, which I was lukewarm about, but since he was interested I did attempt to listen to some and got a feel for it.

We used to wrestle in his room and I am confident we both got a bit aroused, erect but once again not necessarily sexual, but charged with all the hormones of two young men, who were not quite men, feelings of excitement, intimacy and I think I can say this confidently, love.

I loved Andy.

Whoa, I haven't even admitted that to myself before. I had fallen in love with him, but yes another butt, I had no desire to date him or even sleep him. Now would I have enjoyed maybe making out with him, I'd be lying if I said no. I found him attractive, I enjoyed our time together, kissing him would have been a natural extension of my very strong feelings for him, it somehow feels very natural. Once again that never happened, it never even accidentally happened that I can recall.

Curiously we would "break up", even now that phrase has me shook in this context, because we were just friends, possibly even best friends for the moments we had. We have never spoken about this time, but the break up was initiated from him, and I sadly respected his wishes.

As a fully grown adult, I do think the attraction and feelings were mutual, I don't want to say that he was rejecting those feelings, but I don't think that is what he wanted at that time. Of course I was disappointed even though I was just as frustrated by all the emotions I felt for him at the time, they just all seemed so big and all-consuming. Maybe he felt overwhelmed and he thought it best to move on, instead of have these very confusing feelings for another boy.

The thing that really saddens me the most as someone who is long past middle age, is how am the only one recollecting people and having long and deep thoughts about them and not hearing from not one of them? Mind you I am not as accessible as I had been for decades, no longer on any social media, and even having my phone turned off. But I am on LinkedIn the one social media site that I never fully saw a use for, so I left it abandoned for the most part.

I have spoken to Andy as an adult, he has matured into a very attractive and fit man, of course in a very non-traditional way in my opinion. A few years ago I had asked him about this etching of his I found in a book and if he wanted it back, he didn't, he said to toss it. I of course kept it and had it framed, it hangs in my window.

It is one thing that crosses my mind often, and I don't mean this in a self-pitying way, but will my passing from this earth be a consideration for anyone? Now I can admit that I haven't always been the best person when the folks I haven't chosen have attempted to reconnect with me Rachel was it Saunders? (we had two Rachels) And Peter Macklin had less than a pleasant experiences when he tried to connect with me. I'm not going to excuse myself I behaved badly in both instances. But neither of them were important people to me and thats significant. Meaning I didn't have any real meaningful relationships with them in the past, so one in the present wasn't very alluring to me. Albeit that is also how relationships work, you feel one thing about the connection, the other person feels a different way and those feelings don't always converge.

I learned that Katinka Haber had a crush on me in high school. I think we have already established that I am as gay as a parade down the middle of Fifth Avenue, so that kind of female attention never really hit my radar. I was beyond oblivious. I think I told her I was flattered, and I always thought she was beautiful, but not the kind of beauty I was looking, I didn't say that last part.

The folks I have wanted to connect with were my 321 Contact gang, Corina Dennison and Sandra Cordero, but both of them have kids and that is now their world.

David Skinner was another, who I have spoken to and had lunch with once as an adult. He sent me a photo he saw on Flickr that he thought was me and it actually was. It made me think that he actually had possibly considered me even though he was less than forthwith in saying as much. I appreciated it greatly and valued that I had made him feel the same way I felt about him.

Robert Sabini my best friend in elementary school in Peekskill is another. I did talk with him as an adult on the phone, and it sort of satiated my need to reconnect with him. I do still see guys on the street that I wish he looked like, meaning kept in good condition and fit.

I had wanted to reconnect with Mark Rudzitis my ex from our five week relationship back in the nineties, but that fell apart when he was assaulted by some young Black men in Central Park and displaced his anger towards them at me.

Other than Paul who I had spoken with earlier this year I think Andy is only other person from my past who I would love to, wait there is Beraldo. He hasn't spoken to me since right after his mom died, which makes it '09. The funny thing is I am now very close with his niece, and his sister. I refuse to admit that I am at fault for more than just teasing him and him being in his feelings about that. But as someone I knew for a large portion of my formative years and my young adulthood, I do miss him.

This is the hardest part of a childless adulthood for me, you sometimes find yourself wandering through your past and the folks who inhibited that time. You wonder how they are doing, what they are up to, and how they look now. You also wonder if they are as fond of you as you are of them. You contemplate if you ever cross their mind. You wonder about what could have been if you hadn't lost contact or if maybe you did have that kiss. As I have said before I am not one to have regrets, but I am a recovering undercover nostalgia baby and I love to sometimes linger in the freshness of those old feelings, the newness of burgeoning emotions and the satisfaction of seeing the same reflected in the eyes of the one you are so fond of.

[Photos by Brown Estate]

#nostalgia #complicated relationships #complicated friendships #plutonic friendships #i loved him #andy feder #david skinner #katinka haber #sandra cordero #corina dennison #robert sabini #beraldo vazquez #high school #nineties #love #bisexual #queer #break up #what if

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blackownersseekingsuccess · 9 months ago

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Unveiling the Passion: A Dialogue between a Composer and Conductor on their Journey to Julliard and the World of Classical Music

by Levi Wise Kenneth Catoe Jr.

May 1, 2024. (NYC) In the realm of classical music, where melodies soar and harmonies intertwine, the name Julliard evokes an unparalleled legacy of artistry and excellence. This esteemed institution has nurtured countless musical prodigies, shaping their talents and inspiring them to leave an indelible mark on the world of music. Among these luminaries is a Julliard-trained composer whose extraordinary journey is a testament to the transformative power of classical music. From humble beginnings to the grandest concert halls, this composer's story is an enchanting symphony of passion, perseverance, and unwavering dedication to the art form.

Levi Wise Kenneth Catoe Jr.: What is your background in music, Alex, and if you can explain to our audience a little bit about your classical musical training would be greatly appreciated?

Alex Marrero: I am a private teacher of classical piano lessons, and I have studied with Mary Stein, Morris Borenstein, Vladimir Feltsman, Evelyn Chen, and Jeanne Golan. LWC: That’s great Alex. How long have you been studying?

AM: I started taking piano lessons at age 5. LWC: Wow that is wonderful Alex. What would you say is a good age to begin studying classical music, and is there an ‘age’ at which people might become too stuck in their ways to adapt to the rigors of classical musical training over a course of a lifetime?

AM: I think that parents can introduce music to a child once they know they are having one (a baby); even for the 9 months before the child is born (in utero), the music that the mother may sing to the child shares the same chemistry as the future child to be born. {Note: Personally, I do believe that when we are younger, it is easier to adapt to the rigors of performing arts training, but as people grow older, our minds become less malleable regarding the arts, so accepting certain disciplines becomes tougher.}

LWC: Great point and oh I do so agree. You must expose a child to classical music in utero. Can you please explain your Julliard training, simply because Julliard is regarded as the premier institution for the arts, but I have heard some say it’s out of touch as well as too demanding? What are your feelings regarding the Juilliard training? AM: When I finished my bachelor's degree in music history from SUNY-New Paltz, I wanted to "test the waters" at Juilliard, so I took a couple of "survey-style" music history courses between the autumn of 2003 and the spring of 2004. I knew for a fact that there would be sons and daughters of United Nations diplomats who could blow me away with my level of piano technique, but I continued and soon persevered. I believe that Juilliard is becoming a lot more progressive while maintaining its standards. However, since Juilliard is a school of music, dance, and drama, the institution is surely asking itself, how are we providing foundations for the performing artists of the future?

LWC: As they should be. I had private vocal classes at Juilliard for Broadway Voice lessons and I am an alumnus of AMDA (American Musical & Dramatic Academy) so there is definitely a reputation to uphold but also a changing young artist of today that now sees celebrity as an influencer of Tik-Tok or IG which may not be necessarily disciplined professionally in art (performance, vocal, acting, or dance). As a conductor of music explain to the readers what that requires and also if you can the importance of the conductor to an orchestra.

AM: My opinions are certainly subjective, so I think it is very important to keep in mind that performers around the world, whether playing, singing, or doing both, perform the great majority of music without sheet music and may average 5 minutes in length. If someone decides to become the conductor of a large ensemble, such as a chorus or a band, or an orchestra, it is really important to be an all-around musician. They must know Solfege {note: Solfege, also called “solfeggio” or “solfa,” is a system where every note of a scale is given its own unique syllable, which is used to sing that note every time it appears.} Harmony, Ear training, Score Reading, and Composition; and these are some of the skills that they’ll need along with knowledge of historical performance practice, including contemporary special effects. They will need to have a great voice with great vocal skills, great keyboard skills, and a great understanding of how all instruments work with their ranges and strengths. As a conductor, you should be able to perform as a soloist with your major ensemble, your right-hand technique should be impeccable with changing meter, whether or not you use a baton and your left hand should also be excellent with entrances, releases, and dynamics. Ensembles that intentionally rehearse and perform concerts without a conductor, such as the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra, may use open-ended questions when reaching collective decisions on the compositions they are working on.

LWC: Oh wow, thank you for your considerate response to the question. So for anyone of our readers who is interested, there is everything that you should be considering above. Alex, who is your favorite composer, and why is this person your favorite composer(s)?

AM: While (Johann Sebastian) Bach is my favorite composer, I am being very open-minded about listening to as many different composers as possible. My Composer Advocation Project (CAP) involving the Committee on Cultural Inclusion (CCI) for the College Music Society (CMS) features contemporary works by contemporary musicians in the USA and around the world.

LWC: What composer inspired you to become a musician? Was it a classical or mainstream musician?

AM: I believe that in the USA, Leonard Bernstein made a tremendous impact on the classical music world as a composer, conductor, pianist, educator, and author. I really like the fact that he knew what was happening in the worlds of ballet, drama, musical theater, and pop music of the 1950s through the 1980s. LWC: What mainstream artists do you listen to, if any?

AM: Although I do not do enough of this, I really enjoy listening to jazz, Latin, and electronic dance music. LWC: Really? You’ve just given some flashbacks with the EDM (Electronic Dance Music) association because now I’m thinking of the Lee Curreri ‘1980s character from Fame (movie and TV show) Bruno, who was classically trained but alternately inspired by the use and experimentation of synthesizers. But alas, I grew up loving theater; my favorite musical scores are Man of La Mancha and West Side Story. Do you have a favorite musical theater soundtrack?

AM: Going back to Leonard Bernstein, I believe West Side Story is a great combination of the classical, jazz, and Latin styles of the 1950s.

LWC: Thank you so much. Now please promote yourself to the readers, and where can I find you for private piano instruction?

AM: Although I prefer to drive to the homes of my students in Orange County, New York State to have piano lessons with them, I also offer instruction remotely online. I can be reached via LinkedIn at Alex Marrero/Private Teacher/Classical Piano Lessons I teach students music through the piano and in that order. I will close with my own quote:

"The more creative we are, the more human we will be..."

I send my best wishes to everyone. With great hope, Alex Marrero Thank you, Levi!

LWC: Bravo, my friend, bravo. Thank you very much for that and all of your shared wisdom. And there you go, all of you future musical enthusiasts. Please link up with and follow musician, Mr. Alex Marrero and tell them that BOSS (Black Owners Seeking Success) sent you. J

Editor, Journalist

Levi Wise Kenneth Catoe Jr.

pw.org/directory/writers/levi_kenny_fame_catoe_jr

Thank you for following BOSS

Please Subscribe for all our latest news updates.

#black tumblr #black history #black literature #new york #classical music #orchestra #composer #symphony

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mouse-fantoms · 3 months ago

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ME TOO OMG (is this like a canon event for every fantom 💀 like wake up is when you realize it’s not just gonna be a casual watch)

I think bc they open so strong with now or never and how good that one is, you watch it with the assumption “okay the songs in this show are going to be this quality of good with these characters at least”

And then they show you how Julie’s mom passed, she’s had a hard time with music ever since, ya know they give that lead in and you can tell how hard is it for Julie but also everyone around Julie too like you can just feel how this girl wants to do music (like how she had the courage to go the piano in class but just stopped herself moments before she had her fingers on the keys bc she felt like she couldn’t) but she is having a hard time.

But then when Wake Up happens, bc that is a very important moment for this character (bc of what they have set up), we just met and yet we have already become so attached to her, we see her have that courage to actually play music when she hasn’t been able to before this point.

I remember being nervous for Wake Up bc “omg Now or Never was so good I really hope this girl is just as good” and being so captivated and so moved by the performance like oh my god, like I watched Jatp for “background noise” and Wake Up made me put down my assignment I was working on bc I was so taken aback and was so invested at what else this show had in store.

I think another thing too that made me realize this show was going to be so much more to me is how many times it broke my expectations. Like just with how the cliches are in other media you just have these expectations going into it.

I remember seeing how there are three main guys and one main girl and thinking “A love triangle is going to be in here somewhere” bc when you see that set up bc of what other shows do it makes you think that and for Jatp to not have that at all in the slightest was so refreshing and so different.

I remember just assuming (bc I went into Jatp knowing Alex is gay) “They have a gay character and that’s going to be his only thing.” BUT NO once again that is not done at all in the slightest way which again was so nice and refreshing to see.

When I saw Carrie and her character I just automatically thought “oh mean girl is mean to main character bc she’s mean girl” BUT when Nick says “You two used to be friends” it adds so much, it adds an entire new layer to the characters, there is this history to them that we haven’t seen before bc that happened before we got introduced to them and their lives, that line just makes them feel like actual real people, like I believe I am watching these two high school girls who probably used to be such good friends have this interesting new dynamic now that they’re not bc of something that happened in their friendship in the past.

Seeing how Flynn is the best friend to Julie I automatically thought “Julie’s not gonna tell Flynn about the boys and this is going to drawn out through the whole show. 🙄” and for them to not do that is so different bc they could have easily have done that.

I thought too when Flynn is mentioning Julie’s crush on Luke I fully thought “this is gonna be drawn out to where Julie’s in denial about it and she tries so hard to not like him even though it’s very obvious to us that she does like him.” And I also thought when Nick asks out Julie, “oh no they’re gonna have her say yes and have this be drama here with the two guys she had a thing for” for them to again, not go that route was so sincere that it makes me believe that I am watching genuine realistic characters here. Just two girls talking about the other’s crush, just this guy trying to ask out this girl who he hopes he didn’t wait too long to ask her out

I hadn't listened to the jatp soundtrack in a long while so I decided to put it on shuffle while studying. The last song that came on was Wake Up which made me emotional because it really was the moment I realized that this show wasn't just going to be a casual watch for me - Like I remember watching the first episode for the first time, I was looking at something on my phone and Julie sat down to sing Wake Up and I had to put my phone down because I was kind of speechless? I knew she was going to have a good voice but I was still not expecting how good she was? It's been four years since then but oh my god I still so clearly remember that moment thinking, this show is gonna stay with me for a while

#your chronic ‘making posts longer’ person has arrived 💀#I cannot help myself 💀#when I have an opportunity to discuss a reason why the show is so important to me I don’t miss it 💀#julie and the phantoms #jatp #jatp netflix

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thesiridahl · 2 years ago

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What was your dream job growing up?

For most of my childhood, my dream job was to be a cast member on SNL. I was an EXTREMELY energetic kid (hello, undiagnosed ADHD!), willing to do a lot of weird, kooky stuff to make my friends and family laugh. My nickname in elementary school was literally "druggie," because a lot of kids saw my antics and joked that I must be "smoking crack." 😳 🙄 Ah, the 90s.

By the time I was a teenager, I was still very interested in performing, and I was indeed a theater nerd. But while I loved performing, I couldn't stand the politics of high school theater. I stayed in drama class all through high school, but eventually stopped acting in plays because the joy of drama was getting lost in all of the, ahem, "drama."

I grew up in a very musical household. My dad was a professional opera singer for years, and we had a grand piano in our living room. I sang in choirs all throughout my childhood (later on, I was even in choir for a year at the University of North Texas, which has a fantastic classical and baroque music program). I started taking piano lessons at 5 years old, switched to guitar at 13, and picked up mandolin at 17. I never excelled at any particular instrument, because I never cared much for the technical or music theory side of things. I understood the basics and I could read sheet music, but when I "practiced," I was noodling around with cool sounds and vibes, not pursuing some kind of Whiplash-esque level of craft in musicianship.

Thus, as my adolescent existential dread set in, my "dream job" morphed into being a recording musician. I was constantly writing songs. They weren't necessarily good, but I was prolific, at least.

My teenage years were also when my genetically-predisposed depression began to set in. I was a really, really depressed teenager, but I hid it very well. Except for in my music! All through high school I spent countless nights in school (yes, school nights🙃) where I would stay up until 4 a.m. writing and recording songs on my little digital 4-track. I played a lot of open mic nights and a couple ticketed shows.

This was back in the days of music myspace, and I had a teensy following on there. I made friends with other young indie musicians all over the country (Luke Rathborne and Samantha Crain are two who come to mind, and they're both recording artists to this day 🤗). Other musicians who gave me feedback would often compare my singer-songwriter sounds to some combination of Cat Power, Fruit Bats, and Elliott Smith. That probably gives you a good idea of the depths of my teen angst, LMAO. I stopped writing and recording music when I was in college. I didn't lose interest in music as a hobby, but I lost interest in making it my primary form of creative self-expression. As I got older I realized that music was incredibly personal for me, a tool I used to process my various life experiences, good and bad -- and once I realized that, I didn't really have any interest in pursuing a career in music.

Obviously the common theme with all of this is the element of performance! I've always been a creative extrovert, so to me it totally makes sense that I gravitated toward my current career - especially once I discovered that exhibitionism is a significant component in my personal sexual identity. Being in the adult industry is kind of the perfect combination of everything, because as an adult content creator I have the freedom and the fan base to (mostly) do whatever I want.

#siridahl #siri dahl #answers #ask me #anon ask

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akiyama-mizuki-official · 1 year ago

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ooohh,,,

this. might get long but:

-we've done about 3 devised pieces (prompted & we wrote & acted them)

-couple of plays using techniques

-the play we're studying rn is abt teenagers who cause somebodys death. its amazing & i definitely want to force wxs to do it w me-

-uhhhh. do a lot of directing & performing

-school productions!! ones a musical amalgamation the others a play abt history

-we did a play abt suicide awareness once. i did not perform.

-my class is like 10 ppl its amazing

-our like. main girl is so good like what. shes pretty too haha.

-apparently i have a crush on some guy in my class. like ew no hes cool but im very much into other ppl

-oh my GOD the shenanigans. there was a monologue & we all had to say-

..hold on this is getting too long. dramas so fun though!!

'tis rui's mother,,

hello!! :>

-@akiyama-mizuki-official

Indeed it is! Hello, Mizuki!

#mizukis silly ramblings #// projecting SO HARD rn #// all true btw!! i did these!!!

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tobi-momo · 4 years ago

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You Belong With Me

“What was she so mad about?” Your voice bleeds through his phone as he scribbles on his homework with his number two pencil, sighing at your question. He looks up briefly to his window to see you at your desk across your two properties’ filing the papers for your math class, organizing your work. Your phone is sandwiched between your shoulder and your ear, your eyes narrowed as you focus on what assignments are what.

“Kei?”

He shakes his head as his mind snaps out of the daze, his golden eyes flicking down to his work. “Uh,” he sighs as he re-grips his pencil, “I teased her a little bit and she got mad,” he finished. You chuckled before covering your mouth with your hand, finally looking up at the man through your clear panes.

“You’re kidding,” you giggle, a smile leading onto Kei’s face while he listens to your voice, although refusing to look up at your face, he shakes his head in a joking dismissal.

“No, I’m not. But we are never mentioning it again.”

“Oh, good luck getting me to keep quiet!” You shout as your back straightens against your desk chair, a smug look playing on your face once the blond male looks up at you.

He stands up, a reciprocating smirk laying on his lips before he says, “You will,” before he takes his phone away from his ear, pressing the “hang up” button and raising his arm to close the drapes. You laugh with satisfaction while you exit his contact, turning on some music and tossing your phone on your bed before cleaning up your area and strumming your fingers like an imaginary guitar.

He opened his curtains expecting to see you sulking while doing your work, only to see you dance like an idiot while you blast your music, your pencils acting as a microphone as you perform your concert in front of your stuffed animals. He could hear the music from across the yard, him identifying it as your shared playlist that you two made a couple years back, the duration over fifteen hours as about three-hundred songs reside. An accidental chuckle escaped him as his eyes rested on your jumping figure for just a couple seconds. It was for entertainment. Yeah. That’s it.

~.~.~.~

Sticking your fabric marker on the construction paper, you write out your message to Kei.

“I love you”. It was a message that would tell him that he deserves the best and nothing less. It was something that you treasured and wanted to share that value with him. Something that told him that he belonged with you.

You hoped that one day you’d be able to give it to him, to tell him how you really feel, to show that you can do a better job than her, but you never got the chance. Carrying the folded slip in your pocket, ready to pull out, his phone rings. As you sit on the bench on the side of the road, you wonder how long it had been since you had seen him really smile. You had made him smile a lot before, even if he doesn’t smile a lot genuinely, there are some times where real happiness seeps through his facade. You like it when that happens, always have. You noticed how much his happiness had reduced over the course of these last few months, though.

He answers the phone very monotone, very uninterested. He sounded obligated while he spoke to his girlfriend, sighing sharply once he hung up.

“What was that about?”

“Just drama. Kind of sick of it at this point.” He sticks his phone in his pocket, looking over to your concerned expression. “It’s nothing to worry about,” he says while rolling his eyes, placing a soft hand on your head and letting it rest. His hand retracted quickly when the sound of his name rings through his ears, his head whipping towards his girlfriend's figure. He readjusts his glasses, sitting straight up and swinging the strap of his school bag over his shoulder before he gets up and sluggishly walks across the street, meeting up with the one he was set to have a date with later. He subtly waved to you prior to turning his head away and continuing his stroll with his date hanging on his arm. You ignore the glare served your way when you wave back to him, forgetting the multiple reasons of why you wanted him away from her so he can enjoy his date. Hopefully.

~.~.~.~

As you stand on the bleachers of Kei’s game, you watch him stride over the court and jump to block the ball, a playful smirk residing on his lips as he sends the ball to the other side. You clap for him, shouting praises his way in hopes he might hear you over everyone else. Especially her. The screaming and unnecessary noise making your ears bleed a bit. You didn’t mean to be irritated by it, but the pulse on your forehead and the grit of your teeth made it painfully obvious you didn’t really like her.

When the end of the game hit, you were overloaded with joy at Kei’s victory. You hurriedly make your way over to him before gripping him tightly in a hug, not caring about the sweat that drips off his body. You could feel his arms flex as he raised his arms to hesitantly reciprocate your actions until his arms completely dropped, his body stiff.

“What the hell?” He muttered under his breath as he firmly moved you aside to walk away. Following after him, you let your head peek out from the side of his back, watching it all occur in front of you. “What’s this?”

“What? Nothing, Kei,” she mewls, setting her hands on her boyfriend’s shirt as if she thought he was silly.

“Yeah, we were just, uh, talkin’.” The man before her fibs.

“Not according to what I just saw,” Kei accuses the two with a furrowed brow, fed up. You come out from behind him, glaring at his girlfriend in hate. This was it.

“Don’t worry about it, man,” the man dismisses, turning to keep the conversation with her going.

Stepping forward, you place an arm in front of Kei, stopping his movements as you eye his girlfriend. “Tell me you were not just flirting with this man and we’ll leave.”

“I wasn-”

“Don't,” you pause, taking a deep breath as you watch her take a step back, “don’t lie to me, or you will regret it,” you threaten, a sharp glint in your eye telling her that you are oh so serious about this. Behind you, Kei watches as you make his girlfriend stammer on her words, a subconscious smile leaking on his face.

She stomps away with anger, the man beside her moving away as well, scoffing.

~.~.~.~

He didn’t say much on the way home; you trailed behind him as he walked away in part anger and denial. You didn’t really know what to say. Should you go back and find the girl and beat some sense into her? Should you give some words of the wise to Kei? Would he even take it?

As you watch him slow down to match your pace, you grow confused. You were headed to your place, so why was he suddenly following? “Kei?” He hums in response, his head hanging low. “Would you like to stay at my place? I can make coffee and we can stay up shit-talking our least favorite people,” you giggle and softly bump into his side, a stifled chuckle escaping him.

“Whatever,” he mumbles with an obvious smile as he continues to walk with you. When you quietly shut the door and take your shoes off, you softly tread to the kitchen to turn on the coffee machine- the man that you took home followed, his arm planting on the marble counter as his eyes trail over your moving figure.

As you sit on the stool next to him beside your kitchen island, you converse about the drama he’s been scooped in, him rolling his eyes twice a minute and his irritation level going off the charts as he recalls the events. He hated it, you could tell. He made it pretty obvious he wasn’t happy about it, too.

“Are you still going to the dance with her tomorrow then?” You speak curiously, twirling your fingers around each other while staring blankly into the marble as you awkwardly sit there, awaiting an answer.

It takes him a second to respond, a long sigh and a deep thought coming into play in his mind once he looks over to your spaced expression. Does he really want to go? Did he want to go with her, or with someone else- you? “Probably.”

Oh. “Are you sure you wanna do that? After what happened today?”

“Why not. Nothing better to do,” he justifies, shrugging. Yeah, you probably should have seen that coming.

The note that resided in your pocket seemed to crumple a little bit when you came to terms with the fact that he may never notice you the way you wanted him to.

~.~.~.~

“Are you going?” Kei asks over his phone as he takes his suit out of his closet.

“Ah, no,” you breathe out as guilt pools in your stomach, your elbow balancing sitting on your desk while dozing off into something that is not mathematical equations.

“Oh,” is all he says before telling you he needed to get ready, giving his goodbye.

After the call ends, you see the light fading away from his room as he closes the drapes, giving you a sign to start working again. You wondered what would happen if you possibly showed up. You originally were going to go, but the date that canceled soon beforehand gave your mind a gentle squeeze, telling you that the dance wasn’t for you. Still, the tiniest urge told you to make an appearance. You groan in waver, giving in.

~.~.~.~

You felt good. You felt really good. Wearing your planned outfit to this dance, you make your way inside carefully, minding the crowd. You catch the eye of the one girl that you held a grudge against, watching her grope another man on the dance floor. You roll your eyes in disgust as you move your head around to find a tall blond in the crowd. He leaned against the wall across from you his arms crossed while his dilated pupils trace the light that bounces off the floor.

“Hey,” you greet him, his attention whipping to you as he raises his head.

“Hi,” he reluctantly answers you while standing straight up, a relieved smirk leading onto his lips. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

“I didn’t want to put my outfit to waste,” you smile, spreading your arms to show your attire.

“Yeah, well you came at perfect timing,” he points towards his girlfriend which you identified earlier, although he seemed like he didn’t care all that much.

Gripping the folded paper in your pocket, you slip it out with two fingers confidently. “I have something to tell you,” you admit, your eyes staying centered on his black suit.

“Go on,” he eggs, hands staying at the side of his body while he watches you fluster yourself. It takes you less than a second to shove the note in his stomach and turn around, your face turning hotter and hotter every moment. Your hands lay against your cheeks as your nerves rattle beneath your skin, your ears tingling when you hear a sweet chuckle glide against his lips. “You should have told me a long time ago, Y/n. I wouldn’t have to deal with,” his eyebrows turn up as his head tips towards the dancing figure just a couple of feet away from you guys, “...that.”

You turn around slowly, disbelief covering your face when you look at his smug expression. “Are you kidding me? You’re telling me this,” you gesture at the both of you with your pointer finger, “could have been something a long time ago?”

He sucks in through his teeth, taking a grip on your arm and pulling you with him as he walks through the crowd to the middle of the room. “Yep. Guess you missed out.”

“Says you,” you roll your eyes with attitude as you pick up your pace and place your hand in his.

He knew he belonged with you, he was just wondering when you would admit that.

aaa here it is! three days of work! sry i havent been posting lately ive been working <3 (reupload bc tumblrs a little bitch)

REQUESTS: OPEN

reblogs are VERY appreciated!

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