#once i drove my ex to the train station and they told me when they were almost there that they really needed to pee

[havesometealove]

the idea of someone holding their morning pee is so hot to me. whether it's an intentional hold or they slept in and had to get up and run out of the house with no time to piss... i just love the idea of someone waking up full and then quickly getting desperate because their body hasn't released anything since hours and hours ago.

you're on a drive somewhere and they're too shy to ask you to pull over because the drive hasn't been that long, maybe an hour, but they didn't pee beforehand and they already have to go. they're embarrassed by how little they can hold but they eventually tell you they need to pee, but it's okay, they can wait until you get to your destination. it's not that urgent (it is). as soon as you get there they jump out of the car and sprint inside because they're so close to going and need to find a bathroom immediately.

and then an hour later, oh god, they're full again but they can't possibly tell you.

[translatemunson]

file 001 — call sign: Hyde

chapter one of death defying acts

masterlist | next chapter

cw: fem!reader, afab!reader, no descriptions of reader (i'm really trying to keep my descriptions of her and her background to a minimum so i can be inclusive to all people, but let me know if i can improve), no use of y/n, reader has a call sign (i had to pick one, it makes sense for the story), innacuracies about the navy, topgun and army (i did my best guys), this takes places after the events of the movie.

It has been the longest 48 hours of your life.

You were supposed to touch down in San Diego on a Monday, but because of an airline error, your flight was postponed to late Tuesday, from an airport 2 hours away from Fallon, Nevada. When you arrived, Tuesday night, there was no time to unpack your stuff, just to find a clean uniform in the boxes, pack yourself a bag for your first day, check if your father got enough gas on your car, get your bed ready and sleep.

You were expected in the San Diego Naval Air Station North Island at the break of dawn. You would be lying if you said you weren’t excited or anxious to work in such a historical place like North Island. Your mother told you stories from when she worked there, decades ago, and your dad said the best teams were assembled there, amongst the Top Gun students. The pressure was on.

You joined the Navy in your home state, but you were transferred around during your fighter pilot training, and then again for Intelligence officer training. After completing the training, you transferred to Nevada to get a more in depth experience on Air missions with the Top Gun graduates, but that didn’t lead you to working with them during real missions.

Now being in San Diego, you knew it was your chance to impress the higher ups and finally earn some well deserved respect for your work. Intelligence Work was just as hard as flying those jets, but there was something always making your next step even harder inside those officers and mission control rooms.

The guy at the gates checked your ID. Once he cleared your entry, you drove to the Administration Office, ready to get your new credentials and get the job done. You parked your black Renegade, texted your mom — Hey, it’s gonna be a busy day. I’ll call you on Friday. —, grabbed your backpack and entered the place like you were on a mission.

It was like being on autopilot: waiting rooms, greetings, new credentials, a quick introduction to your new Intelligence team, a look at the following weeks schedule, a long meeting with Admiral Simpson — call sign Cyclone — discussing all the classified information you had to know about the team you would be working closely with. Names, call signs, previous missions and confirmed air kills. Familiar faces, new ones, a few last names you knew came from a line of ex military parents, just like you.

It was way past two when you were clear from all the first day activities. The Admiral ended the presentation just as his secretary entered the room to let him know he was needed in the meeting room.

“Don’t hesitate to stop by if you have questions, Officer. Your father spoke very highly of you and your work.” Oh, of course, he knew your father. Everybody was familiar with the teaching techniques from the one and only Warbird. “I believe Captain Mitchell is conducting flying exercises on Hangar One, if you’re interested in meeting the Dagger Squad.”

“Thank you, Admiral.” You collected all the files that were designated to you. “Will do.”

It was a good idea to just turn to the parking and go home, but you were curious to meet part of the team. Differently from other previous missions, all your analysis and suggestions would go through the captains and admirals before they made any decisions. But still, it was very important for you to understand what was at stake and which suggestions could be made right away.

You stopped by your car to throw your bag on the passenger seat and followed the path to the hangar. The waiting room was empty, but you saw a few silhouettes on the tarmac, going through the end of the day checklist. You turned the volume of the radio on, trying to gather some information about who was on the air. Besides a few directions here and there, they were useless to find out who those pilots were.

You could tell one of them was arrogant by their tone, maybe even too snarky and impatient. Based on their banter, it was clear they were doing basic maneuver training, and Maverick was the one chasing them. Some good old flight training tactics, you see. For a team that just got back from a dangerous mission — barely in one piece, but still — you were wondering why they kept those guys back for another one instead of taking advantage of Maverick’s skills and getting a new team there. Maybe even with the almost mission failure, there was potential amongst those aviators.

“You’re out, kid.” You heard Maverick on the radio, and more grumblings from the other guy.

You left the waiting room and finally walked to the tarmac. Arms crossed over your chest, you were looking forward to the following day, where you would gather details about their flight styles and their skills during missions. You had something around ten weeks to settle down and learn everything about the team before you’re deployed to a mission.

The F/A-18s landed graciously, and that constant nostalgia hit you again, leaving you wondering how would it feel to be back on a jet, what would feel to be on an official mission. Those days were far gone for you, the idea of flying just in case of traveling, and maybe a few minutes in one of your dad’s planes. But just for a moment enough to pump some adrenaline, landing on the tarmac just before your mind picked up the speed.

“Do my eyes deceive me?” You turned around and smiled at the sight of a familiar face.

“You wouldn’t be backseating if your sighting was bad, Robert.” You joked. Bob joined the Navy in the same period as you, and you trained together until the very last day you hopped on a jet. “Heard you managed the impossible.”

“Just doing my job.”

You hugged him, and finally those aviators started to pay attention to you.

“Who’s the pretty face, Bob?” A tall, tanned skin and blond aviator asked. “Your girlfriend?”

“Keep it in your pants, Bagman.” A woman came from behind one of the jets.

“Glad to see you’re still as sharp as that one training in Nevada, Phoenix.” You were happy to be back with Natasha Trace. She was one of the Navy aviators in one of the mission simulations you had back in Nevada, two years ago. It was one of the first times you stepped in as mission commander, and while other aviators weren’t happy with your orders, Phoenix was one of the few that happily followed them — and succeeded in the simulation.

“What? Did I miss any memo about a new pilot?” Bagman turned around.

“Not a pilot, Seresin.” Maverick finally showed up. “Officer, glad you could join us.”

“Captain, would you have a minute to discuss a few details about next week's mission simulation?” Time was precious for you. As soon as you could align the information you had in hand with the captain, the easier it would be to come up with plans for action.

“Definitely not a pilot.” Just like a shadow to his father, Bradley Bradshaw even carried the same mustache you saw in your dad’s pictures. You two had never crossed paths during your career in the Navy, but aviators would talk a lot over a few beers and drinks. And you were not looking forward to working with him.

“I’ll meet you in the office in 5,” he replied and went his way.

You turned around, now facing a bigger group of curious aviators. The Dagger Squadron. You knew their names and faces now, but that didn’t matter a lot.

“Ok, so who are you exactly?” Bagman, or Seresin, asked.

“People call me Hyde.” Even though your last name was embroidered in your uniform, people tended to ignore it. Your call sign from when you were flying jets carried over to the Intelligence rooms because of your reputation. “I’m part of the Navy Intelligence, and I’m gonna be training closely with you,” you looked around, “and be part of the next mission.”

You weren’t planning on being there for longer than one mission: you needed to prove yourself to your superiors in order to get assigned to missions overseas, with international teams. It was just another mission for you.

“We’ll be seeing each other soon. Have a nice evening, aviators.”

You turned around and walked back to the hall, but before you could be out of reach, you heard someone saying, “Who the hell does she think she is?”

a/n: hello everyone! first fanfic for top gun: maverick, let me know what you guys think! i believe this will be more fast paced, focused on reader and her life as an intelligence officer (i made up most of the stuff for it since it's not easy to find info about it on the internet). huge shout out to the lovely @live-love-be-unique for indulging in this universe with me! i'm taking requests for this fic, so feel free to reach out via asks or dms! see ya soon.

[kjmcotton]

omg i need another exo enemies to lovers from you! i enjoyed that one

Metanoia | Bbh

Byun Baekhyun x fem!reader

Flatmates!AU

Enemies to lovers!AU

Plot:moving to Seoul was stressful,but it got worse when you found out that your flatmate was Byun Baekhyun,your best friend’s ex

Warnings:mentions of a troubled past and troubled relationship,fights,swearing

Masterlist

Author’s notes:thank you for requesting a story!! Can’t wait to write more! This story is pretty long and full of drama,so get your popcorns!♡

Tumblr works with reposts:if you enjoyed my story please repost and leave a feedback! Help me growing!♡

Metanoia (μετάνοια):the journey of changing someone's mind,heart,self or way of living

“Open this damn door,come on Y/n! Open the door!” Baekhyun had been knocking and complaining for the past ten minutes but you had no intention of leaving the bathroom to open the front door:it was his fault if he had forgotten the key again.

“I’m coming” you repeated for the fourth time,while massaging your hair with a revitalising mask.

One month,it had been already one month since you moved from your hometown to Seoul after receiving the first well paid job offer of your recent graduate student life;and it had been one month since you had made the most terrible discovery you could have ever done:Byun Baekhyun would’ve become your flatmate.

You had visited the flat twice before moving in and,even tho both times it was empty,you were well aware of the fact that you would’ve shared the house;however you would’ve never considered the possibility that your flatmate could’ve been that idiot of your best friend’s ex.

When you had brought in the first box and saw him sitting on the couch,you shivered.

With all the people out there in Seoul how much unlucky could you be to end up with the one you wanted to forget forever?

Baekhyun had never hurt you personally,but made your best friend’s life hard.

When he was younger,and still leaving in Bucheon,he used to be known as the troublemaker of the town. He was constantly involved in fights,little crimes and dramas.

Many girls had dated him and all of them used to say that he was quite a fuckboy;however you were sure he had never cheated on your best friend Lin,but it wasn’t enough to make things works.

You used to see her often picking him up after a fight or,worse,talking to her father,one of the policemen of the town,asking to be patient and give him a soft penalty.

She used to spend nights crying or arguing with him;until one day,out of nowhere,he broke up with her and disappeared,saying that he would’ve moved to Seoul…and he surely did.

“Open the door,Y/n I’m about to call the cops!” Baekhyun complained again,so,once you were ready,you wrapped yourself in a towel and let him come in

“Oh,I’m so sorry…sometimes I forget they’re your besties” you teased him

“That joke doesn’t work anymore. I’m no more a stupid teenager. I’ve got a good job and I’ve put my shit together. Remember that the rent of this pretty flat is half payed by me”

“The fact that you’re a jerk still remains” you spat out

“You’re talking like you’re better than me” he rolled his eyes.

That was one of the many brief conversations you used to have with Baekhyun. The two of you never really talked,only exchanged put-downs and argued even on the smallest things. It was no one’s fault,but your complicated past.

Lin had always forbidden you from saying anything to him,even tho you were dying at the idea to do so,but since her relationship wasn’t really your business you kept your mouth shut for a while,until you had found out that he was leaving.

After receiving a call by your friend in the middle of the night,with her screaming and crying,cursing Baekhyun,you snapped:you called Jongin,the only one you were sure knew everything as he was close to that idiot,and forced him to tell you what he had in his mind.

Once you had found out the train he was about to catch,you drove to the train station and told Baekhyun everything you had always wanted.

The two of you ended up yelling insults at each in the middle of the night,you even risked to get involved in a fight with him after slapping his face;however the boy had to run off because the train arrived. You were sure it was the day in which Baekhyun begun to reciprocate your hate.

And now you were there,trying to tolerate each other as the flat you were living in was so beautiful,and hard to find at a good price in a city like Seoul,that no one wanted to leave.

Once your hair had dried,you went to the kitchen to cook yourself an omelette for dinner. You weren’t good at cooking,you could make just a few dishes,but you’d rather eat the same things instead of asking for help to Baekhyun,who,on the other hand,was a quite good chef.

You looked outside the window while waiting for your dinner to be ready:grey clouds were approaching,meaning that a huge thunderstorm was about to arrive.

Once the omelette was ready you sat at the table,noticing Baekhyun leaving from the door

“Where the fuck are you going with this weather?”you said,realising how handsome he looked in that white shirt that was matching his platinum hair

“Clubbing with friends,it’s Friday. I’m not antisocial like you” he scoffed,disappearing without bringing his umbrella.

You laughed:someone would’ve looked like a drenched mouse in a few hours.

The next morning you woke up ad 8 am. You took a shower and then went to the kitchen,where you found a sick Baekhyun warming some milk up. He looked at you and coughed,without even saying good morning.

“That’s on not bringing an umbrella with you” you mumbled,opening a cupboard to get some biscuits

“You saw me leaving,you could’ve said something”

You laughed “What am I? Your babysitter? You’re an adult,it’s none of my fault if you always forget the important things”

Baekhyun sneezed,making you step back

“Take some meds” you said

“Keen you are! I would’ve never thought about it!” he scoffed. You looked at him easily,noticing that his eyes were watery.

“Have you checked your temperature?” you asked,resting your hand on his forehead:it was pretty hot.

Baekhyun stared at you for a while. His cheeks were flushed,his face was pale and his shoulders were curved;he didn’t even look like the usual cocky Baekhyun,he seemed a lost kid.

Seeing him in those conditions made you feel sorry,so your attitude automatically softened.

“Answer me,have you checked your temperature?” you asked again,with a sweet voice this time.

Baekhyun shook his head

“Then you should go” you said,looking at him dragging his body to his bedroom.

As you had imagined, the boy had a fever;however you didn’t expect it to get worse by the same evening,so,without even realising it,you found yourself sitting on the bed next to a sleepy Baekhyun whose cheeks had turned as red as an apple.

You sighed,putting some ice on the top of his head:damn it,how could it happen that in less than 24h you went from scolding that idiot to look after him? Life was funny sometimes,or maybe more than sometimes considering how things had changed in the span of a month.

You were lost in your thoughts when you heard Baekhyun grunt. You looked at him,noticing that his sleep had suddenly become fitful. The poor boy was shaking and moving,mumbling words that you could barely hear. You understood only one phrase,something that left you speechless:

“I’m sorry Lin…”

At those words you got paralysed,your hands tightly holding the sheets of the bed

How could it be possible? How could it be possible that after all this time he still had her in his mind? And why? He was the one leaving her,so why after so many years her name was still being pronounced by his lips?

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I’m…Lin…I’m sorry…” he kept repeating those words,louder and louder,panting,with more and more pain in every word until,you swore,a tear fell along his cheek.

“Baekhyun…” you tried to call him,but the boy didn’t wake up;otherwise he was getting more and more agitated. Then,with a startle,he sat.

“Baekhyun!” you exclaimed,collecting some strength to move.

The boy didn’t even look at you,he simply hid his head in between his hands and started sobbing. He wasn’t lucid,you knew it,but you were still confused.

“It was just a dream…-you reassured him,massaging his back. His pyjama was soaking because how much he was sweating,but you didn’t care,all you wanted was helping him calming down-it’s gone Baekhyun. The past is in the past”

At those words your flatmate rose his head,looking at you with teary eyes;you slid closer,wrapping your arms around his body as he rested his head on your shoulder.

You moved aside the wet strands of hair falling on his forehead to check his temperature:even tho you had given him a bunch of meds he was still burning. You were really concerned now.

“You need to lay down-you whispered,caressing his cheek-I’ll get you a towel and a new shirt”

You wanted to stand up but the boy didn’t seem willing to move aside

“Baekhyun,have you heard me? I-“ you stopped talking as you realised he was still sobbing. Your heart shattered. Was it because of Lin? You couldn’t understand,but you had no strength to push him away,so you just adjusted yourself against the headboard and gently stroke his back.

“It’s okay. It’s just a fever” you kissed his head,resting your chin on it.

The boy’s hug tightened as he buried his face in the cloth of your shirt. His breath was heavy and his body kept shaking. It took him a while before calming down,but after half an hour he was peacefully sleeping in between your arms.

You looked at him,so many questions were going on your mind,but,most of all,you were asking yourself how to behave after that. Even tho Baekhyun had seemed completely over his past,he clearly wasn’t,he was still hurt,which made you feel bad…how much had he been suffering because of all the hate you had been showering him with? All those rude words,the put downs and stuff like that…how much did it hurt him? A lot,you were sure.

You sighed

“I’m so so sorry-you whispered-I’ll be better,just like you. I promise”

That night you called the doctor who changed some meds,allowing Baekhyun to get back on track in a few days.

In that span of time you would cook for him and bring anything he needed to his bed

“Why are you so nice all of a sudden? What’s the scam?”

“No scam,I’m acting like a decent flatmate. Don’t get me wrong. I’ll go back to insult you once you’re fine”

That was a lie,obviously,even after the fever was completely gone you never stopped being kind.

Now that you knew the wounds of his soul hadn’t healed yet, you didn’t want to pile on. However,Baekhyun wasn’t dumb,that was why he immediately noticed you had changed your behaviour and asked for explanations as soon as he had the chance.

It was a Sunday night,none of you had any errand that day,that was why the two of you ended up drinking a beer on the couch.

“I think we need to talk” Baekhyun said,looking at you

“About what?” you pretended to not know what the point was,so you carelessly put the beer on the table in front of you,avoiding eye contact to not show your real feelings

“Look at me” the boy called you out

“Why are you acting this odd?-you faked a laugh-anyway,I gotta go to the bathroom…” you tried to stand up,but your flatmate grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you back on the couch.

Baekhyun put his beer on the ground and slid his body closer to yours:your faces were a few inches away and you swore your heart suddenly lost a beat. He looked so pretty under the dim light of the living room,you had never realised how handsome he was and how polite could he be when he wanted;in fact,since you softened your attitude,he did the same.

“We haven’t argued since I got sick,and you’re always so sweet. What is it?”

“Nothing…”

“You’re lying”

“I’m not” you tried to get up,but Baekhyun stopped you again

“Tell me. I need answers. Everything got so strange all of a sudden. I-I…I can’t even say that I hate it” his hand left your wrist to end up on you tight. It gave you shivers.

“It’s just that…-you bit your lips,you didn’t know what to say-….I’ve realised that maybe we both should leave our past behind. We’re adults now”

“Why? Why all of a sudden?” he asked,his breath warming your skin

“There’s no a precise reason…”

“Don’t lie!”

“Fine…-you huffed-I know that you haven’t gotten over Lin and what happened”

At those words you saw his face frown and his body stiffen

“I’m sorry,pretend I didn’t say anything” you tried to get up, but Baekhyun held you by the thighs

“No,it’s okay. How do you know it?”

“You had a nightmare while being sick and said something about it in your sleep”

“The fact is…-the boy paused-no…I’m not over it. There’s no reason to lie. I’m not over anything I did in the past. It doesn’t matter how much I grew up and worked hard,my past still haunts me;but maybe I deserve to suffer for all the pain I caused to the people around me…Lin in particular”

You gulped:those words had pierced you like knives. How could he say something like that? No one deserves to suffer for their mistakes.

You shook your head,hugging Baekhyun

“Without those mistakes you wouldn’t be here today. You learned from them and became a better person,there’s no reason for you to still be suffering”

The boy looked at you,his hand moved up to your cheek as he caressed it with his thumb. You got lost in his beautiful deep eyes,but never wanted to find your way out. What was happening? Why were you feeling strange things in your stomach? What was it? Butterflies? You didn’t know,all you knew was that you wanted that instant to never end.

Baekhyun licked his lips,then he leaned in,kissing you softly. You closed your eyes,intertwining your fingers in between his soft hair and,without even realising it,you found your back pushed against the couch,with a shirtless Baekhyun towering you.

He looked so beautiful,and his skin against yours felt so right. He left wet kisses all over your neck,then he went back to kiss your lips until he was out of breath. His hand slipped under your shirt,there was nothing sexual in that gesture,he was simply seeking for more contact. Your fingers were tracing lines along his back as you pressed your waist against his.

Baekhyun’s eyes chained with yours:he seemed enchanted while his index caressed your face,then he smiled.

“No one has ever said anything this beautiful to me” he whispered,looking at you with smiling eyes. You could tell those words had comforted his soul.

“Why are you talking like this. What did they say?” You asked,moving a few strands of hair away from his face.

Baekhyun lowered his eyes,holding his head up with a hand. You moved aside,giving him a little more space so both of you could lay down together comfortably.

“They said many things-a sorrow smile appeared on the boy’s lips-especially in Bucheon”

“I’m listening” you said

Baekhyun took a deep breath and started opening up

“Well,re-start a fucked up life it’s not that easy. It doesn’t matter how much you try,or how much you work hard,there will always be someone that will always label you as the crazy asshole .That’s what happened to me. I tried to change multiple times while staying in Bucheon:I stopped hanging out with wrong people,I learned how to control myself and I looked for decent jobs;however,no one ever wanted to put up with me. They would either reject me or hire me to later fire me because of the smallest error. People would look at me with mistrust in their eyes. That’s why one day I decided to move to Seoul. No one knows the old me here,I’ve started a second life”

“Jongin didn’t tell me that…”

“I knew someone would’ve come for me,so I asked him to shut his mouth. I just didn’t expect to see you,I expected to see Lin. You left me speechless”

“She was kinda busy crying that night-you pointed out-that’s why I was completely mad. Furthermore I had never tolerated your behaviour,but I couldn’t say anything since it wasn’t my business. You gave me a chance to finally talk to you so I just took it”

Baekhyun smiled

“I’ve never stopped thinking about you since that day”

“What??” you felt your cheek heating up

“I swear. As I said it was unexpected,I didn’t know that you would come,nor that you would snap like that. Since then,anytime I’m about to do something I ask myself if it would make you that angry”

“Oh come on…-you laughed-this is embarrassing”

“It’s not. You would never be embarrassing, you’re just…-Baekhyun bit his bottom lip-you’re just amazing. That’s what I’ve always thought about you. Since then,all through these past months,and now even more. Besides Lin,no one has ever cared so much about me like you did when I was sick. Thank you- the boy pressed a kiss on your forehead-I think I fell in love again”

Your heart fluttered as you buried your face in the crook of his neck

“If you believed that I was amazing all this time,then why you pretended you couldn’t stand me? Was it because of the way I acted?”

“Let’s say that I didn’t really know how to approach you in a different way”

“I’m sorry. I was wrong” you murmured

“It’s okay-he caressed your shoulder-we can start everything again”

You nodded

“Yes,we can. And-you stood up,grabbing your phone-I think you have an unfinished business”

Baekhyun looked at you,his eyes were unsure

“Call Lin,apologise,and put your soul at peace once forever” you smiled,sitting next to the boy.

He grabbed your smartphone,looking for Lin’s number while bouncing his leg up and down. He was extremely anxious,so you sat next to him and held his hand,resting your chin on his shoulder.

“You can do it” you kissed his cheeks

Baekhyun sighed,then he called Lin.

He didn’t know that in a few minutes all his demons would’ve disappeared.

[mediocre-writerr]

the last great american dynasty [jennifer jareau]

folklore challenge: day 3

jennifer jareau x fem!reader

requested: Hey there! Could you help to create a fan fic of reader and JJ from criminal minds? Cute and as romantic as it can be "I think I might be falling in love with you."

*not my gif*

JJ rode up on the afternoon train to Rhode Island. Even though she couldn’t feel it, she could see the sunny skies and the cool breeze ripple through the trees. It was already lifting her moods. But the real thing that was keeping her mind off of her troubling job in Quantico was you. 

You were the heir of a big business family. Your parents were the best real estate agents on the east coast. Even owning some of the biggest hotels in New York City. So, it’s easy to assume that you had money, which you did, but that made finding someone your parents found ‘worthy’ of your love hard.

You heard the rumors around town as word spread about you and JJ. They all thought she was a gold digger. Especially since she was recently divorced to her ex-husband Will, they all asked “How did a middle-class divorcee do it?” 

You stood in the parking lot of the train station, your back was pressed against your car as you waited patiently for JJ to arrive. In your hands were a bouquet of flowers. Beautiful pastel pink roses mixed with white dahlias. 

The train pulled into the station and a smile broke out onto your face as you were a couple minutes away from seeing the person you love most in the world. Sure, she doesn’t know that yet, but she will. 

Her familiar blonde hair was down as the cool breeze flew through it. She saw you standing there and a big smile grew onto her face. The blonde picked up the pace and started running towards you. 

You opened your arms out for her, taking a few steps forward. She bolted into your arms, dropping her luggage to hold you. You wrapped your arms tightly around her and lifted her off the ground. Her legs wrapped around your waist as you spun her around. 

You finally put her down, “I’ve missed you,” you tell her breathless. 

“I’ve missed you more,” she says, her forehead pressed against yours.

A small smile rested on your face as you kissed her softly. She grabbed your face pulling you back in for another kiss. You started laughing slightly into the kiss, “What’s so funny?” she asked, pulling away, but the smile still sat on her face.

“I’m just so happy right now. I haven’t been this happy since I visited you back in Quantico,” you whispered.

You wrapped your arms around her waist and tightened your grip around her, like she might just slip away. Long distance is hard, but when your family and everyone else arounds you tries to get in the middle of your relationship...it’s even harder.

“Family’s giving you a hard time?” she asked.

“Yeah, they actually want you to come over for dinner tonight. It’s not a family dinner, of course. They’re inviting all of their usual business partners which is pretty much the entire town, so,” you expressed, “You don’t have to go, I can make up some excuse, but I have to go and mingle with everyone. Parents orders and all of that bullshit,” 

JJ took her hands once more and cupped your cheeks, rubbing soothing circles on them. She kissed you softly as a way to reassure you that it’ll be okay, “We’re going to face this together,” 

Later that night, the two of you drove up your parents driveway. The house on the hill that overlooked the coast which was going to be yours one day was lit up. There were cars lined up on the driveway. Your parents hired valets to help park them down the street so the already privileged people didn’t have to walk up the hill. 

You parked in front of the house as the valets opened the door for both you and JJ, “Good evening Ms. Y/L/N and Ms. Jareau,” 

“Josh, you can call me Y/N,” you told him for the thousandth time.

“Right, I’m sorry force of habit. If your parents heard me say that, I’d be out of a job,” he joked and the two of you laughed.

You smiled at him, shaking your head, “Luckily, you wouldn’t have to worry about that for too long. If you keep on your degree, I’ll even make you my partner one day,” you patted his shoulder before handing him a gracious tip.

“Your father is still in good spirits, by the time you even inherit the business I’ll probably be in the ground,” he told you. 

“Fair point,” you chuckled as JJ intertwined your fingers with hers, “Have a good night, Josh. Don’t work too hard!” 

“You too, Ms.-” you shot him a look, “Y/N and JJ, you guys have a good night,” 

JJ squeezed your hand softly, “You’re good to him,”

“Not many people are,” you told her with a shrug.

The two of you entered the house. There were familiar faces scattered across the house, but all of their eyes turned towards the two of you. You tensed up immediately as you gave all of them tight lipped smiles. JJ squeezed your hand as the two of you walked through the foyer.

You let out a breath as people started whispering as they continued to stare at the two of you. You found your way to your parents who were dressed up cleanly, laughing at probably a not funny joke.

“Ah! There’s my favorite daughter!” your father said, clapping his hand onto your shoulder. Your mother took in your appearance, giving you a mere nod. 

“I’m your only daughter and not to mention only child,” you told him and your father let out a rip of laughter. 

“That’s exactly why you’re my favorite,” he told you, but his smile slowly faded as he saw the blonde who was next to you. 

You tensed up once again, “Mother, father, this is Jennifer Jareau,” you introduced the two of them.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” JJ stuck her hand out and shook both your parents’ hands. 

“I’m very glad to finally meet you too and I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances. We were called to throw a party for our business,” your father told her.

You nodded, “I told JJ when duty calls, we answer,” 

“As it should be,” your mother finally speaks, “Y/N mentioned that you’re a FBI agent, what made you decide to join them?”

“I was in my senior year of college and didn’t know what to do with my life until I went to a book reading by one of my now colleagues. He read his book about the BAU and I just thought of it as my calling,” she expressed and you watched their reactions. 

You knew this was some kind of test and you had no idea if she was going to pass or fail, “How did your parents react to you joining such a dangerous job?” your mother asked.

“They just wanted me to follow my passions,” 

Your parents hesitated and you could tell that she did not pass that answer, “Pursuing ones passion, how...modern. Well your parents are very opened minded, not like here. Where we like to shape our child’s future,”

All four of your just stood there awkwardly until there was a little bell that rang. You looked at them, “Dinner bell, enjoy the party. Y/N, we’ll talk to you later to discuss some family business,” your father told you and you nodded.

“Well that went...” JJ starts to say.

“Yeah...” you finished her sentence.

You and JJ stood away from most of the guests, finding a quiet place and clinging onto it like a child clinging onto their teddy bear. There were many whispers as they passed by and you could tell JJ wanted to yell and scream, but she knew not to.

That was until someone walked by, talking in soft voice, but you knew that they wanted you to hear, “I don’t understand why Mr. Y/L/N still wants Y/N to inherit the business. She’s just going to have a marvelous time ruining everything her parents built,” 

“That’s it!” JJ exclaimed, catching the attention of all the partygoers. 

You grabbed her wrist, “Jay, they’re not worth it,” 

“You don’t know what she’s been through! All you see is someone who’s going to throw away their family’s work! When in reality, Y/N is trying her absolute hardest to live up to her family’s expectations and yours! So get your head out of your-” JJ scolds the couple who was walking by.

You picked her up and weaved through the crowd to bring her outside towards the backyard porch. The porch overlooked the coast, the night sky was bright with stars, as the costal breeze ran over your arms. You put your hands on the porch railing as you just stared out into the ocean. 

JJ stood a few steps away from you, scared to see your reaction, “Shit, I’m so sorry Y/N. I just I couldn’t take it anymore, everyone talking so bad about you. I probably made your parents hate me more than they already do. I probably proved to everyone in the town that I’m not enough for you. I’m just so-” 

You walked right up to her and wrapped your arms around her waist kissing her. The kiss was full of love and passion. Her hands flew to your neck she pulled you unbelievably closer. 

When you pulled away you looked her in the eyes, “I think I might be falling in love with you...I mean I don’t think I might be, I know I am. And don’t you ever think you’re not enough for me. You’re more than enough. I don’t care what these people say or what my parents think. I want to marry you Jennifer Jareau. Please let me marry you. We’ll leave this world behind, we’ll run away and we’ll elope and it’ll be me and you,” you rambled, “Just please, I don’t want to be apart from you again,” 

“I’m not going to let you give up your dream of making your family business better for everyone else,” your eyes looked down from her face and she took her fingers and gently lifted your chin to look back at her, “But I will marry you Y/N,”

Y/N and JJ went back to Quantico after the weekend was over. JJ called up Rossi and asked if you could use the mansion for the wedding. Once you guys hopped off the train Rossi already had everything prepared. 

The wedding was charming, some may even call it gauche. At least that’s what they’d call it back in Rhode Island, but you didn’t care. You were surrounded by the people who actually love and cared for you. 

“Now ladies, I think you have written your own vows,” Rossi says and you nod.

“JJ, I grew up in a world where everything mattered. How you presented yourself. What you did, who you did. The simplest misdemeanor would send your reputation spiraling. All of that bullshit mattered, except for love and family. You taught me that it’s the thing that matters most,” you told her with teary eyes, “I promise whenever I inherit my family’s business that I will always put you and our kids first, no matter what. You’ve made me a better person and I hope I can live up to everything you’ve ever wanted,” 

She smiled at you, kissing your hands, “Y/N, in a job where I’m constantly fending for my life and seeing the darkest of humankind. You remind me every day that there is good in this world. You are my sunshine when the world gets too dark. You are the one who keeps me sane. I can not wait to keep making this world a better place with you in my life. Forever and always,” 

“I now present you wife and wife,” Rossi states, “JJ, you may now kiss your bride,” 

A couple weeks later, you found your way back into your parents’ house. JJ on your arm, but this time matching rings on your fingers. You knocked on the door and your father opened it, his eyes wide.

“Y/N, I didn’t know you were visiting,” he told you. 

“Yes, well I had some news for you and mother,” you stepped into the house to find your mother sitting at the kitchen table with another man.

“Who is this?” you asked.

Your father brushed it off, “Oh nothing too serious. My doctor is just here for my annual visit. By the looks of it, I’m still in good health,” he took a seat next to your mother, “Now what’s the news?”

You cleared your throat, “JJ and I got married,” 

Your parents’ eyes went wide at the announcement, but your confidence didn’t falter. Your mother looked at your father and gave him a knowing look, “I told you! You let her do whatever she wanted for far too long!”

“Y/N, this isn’t the life we had set for you. You’re supposed to marry someone to help carry the family name, not taint it!” your father’s calm demeanor finally broke.

“Father!” you told him.

“We can’t have our family named ruined by a middle aged divorcee woman!” he yelled.

“Sir, you need to settle down. This isn’t good for your heart,” his doctor mentioned, but he kept going.

“You seem like a great person JJ, but I will not permit you to ruin my daughter with your ambition! We can not let you be a part of this family!” he screamed.

You shook your head, “Father! That’s enough! Our name is already tainted! Yes, we have money, but we are terrible people! Have you not heard what they say about us on the news?! All we do is help people that don’t need to be helped! When we could help kids or the poor!” 

“You do not get to tell me how to run my own business! Your grandfather built this from the ground up and if you don’t want to be-” your father’s words were stopped by a loud groan as he reached for his chest.

“Father?” you asked him, a worried look sprayed across your face.

The doctor rushed over to him as he slipped from his chair and fell onto the floor unconsciously. JJ looked at your worried eyes and wrapped her arms around you. 

Needless to say, that was the last time you saw your father alive. You and JJ stood in the grassy cemetery. Tears lined up in your eyes as JJ had her hand intertwined with yours. The rest of the town standing behind you, JJ, and your mother.

“Rumor has it that it was her fault her father’s heart gave out. They were discussing the business and he didn’t like what she had to say. So there was a big argument and his heart gave out in the middle of it,” you heard one of the spoiled brats say.

JJ squeezed your hand, knowing that you heard that too. You brought her hand up to your lips and kissed it softly. The funeral finished when your family’s lawyer came up to you, “I guess congratulations are in order Y/N, you are now the rightful owner of your family’s business. The Y/L/N legacy is in your hands now,” 

“Thank you sir,” you shook his hand as he handed you a portfolio of papers.

JJ looked at you, “So what’s your first move going to be?” you looked at her with a new found determination in your eyes.

Five years later, you and JJ stood on the back porch of Holiday House. The leaves falling from the trees indicating the start of fall. She was standing in front of you as you wrapped your arms her waist, hooking your chin onto her shoulder.

You turned your head to kiss her cheek, “I love you, did you know that?” you whispered to her.

You could feel her smile form on her face, “I did and I love you so much,” 

She turned to face you and wrapped her arms around your neck. The blonde kissed you deeply and you took a few steps forward, pushing her against the railing. You held the small of her back as the two of you continued kissing. 

“Ewww!” you heard a pair of voices chorus together. 

Both of you broke away with smiles on your faces. Your head turned towards the two voices. The twins the two of you created had their faces contorted into disgust. You unwrapped your arm from around her and ruffled the boys’ hairs.

“What’s up boys?” you ask them.

“Uncle Josh is on TV and he’s talking about you!” one of the twins say. 

You follow their excited faces inside and you sit on the couch. One twin on each of your laps, “Josh, what if Y/N didn’t take over her father’s business? What could’ve been?” 

“In all honesty, I feel like the Y/L/N legacy would’ve fallen apart. Unlike her father, we’ve done so much to help people who really need it. We’ve chosen students and paid off their college debt. We’ve helped undocumented children gain their citizenships. We’ve advocated for so many more topics that actually matter and change that needs to happen,” he told them and you smiled, softly, “One last question,”

“Why did Y/N make you partners?” a reporter asked.

“She wanted to focus on her family. Something her parents never did. Now, she’s happily living with her wife and her twins. Y/N is giving her children the life her parents never could. It’s something I really admire about her and I can’t wait to model my life after hers,” he expressed, “Thank you all for the questions, but that is all the time we have left for today,”

The cameras cut to the reporters, “Y/N Y/L/N and her legacy will now go down as the last great American dynasty,”

“You hear that Mommy?” one of the boys says, “You’re the last great American dynasty!” 

You smiled at the two of them, kissing both of their heads and then kissing JJ, “That’s great and all, but we are the last great American dynasty. Me, you, your brother, and your Mama,” 

[wastelandnarry]

Georgia - hes

summary: He never should of told her, never should’ve let her see inside at what was troubling his mind. Now he’s singing Georgia on his mind. 

author’s notes: inspired by Georgia - Vance Joy. I have wanted to write something with this song for the longest time and I thought it matched a Harry scenario perfectly! I hope you guys enjoy!

warnings: mentions of drinking, mentions of food, breakup, angst. 

masterlist || request ||  join my taglist

Harry watched her from the window as she walked through the crowd. His eyes had caught hers once or twice during the night already and he was convinced that he'd lose his mind if it happened again. The party had been a distraction for him, a way to get his mind off of the stress of his upcoming film and maybe even just to let loose for the first time in months. He'd been nursing the drink in his hand, the soft pink liquid in the glass swirling with whatever edible glitter that had been added in. If he was being honest, he'd only grabbed the drink after having watched her grab one for herself and smile to herself when she took a sip. She was electric, the people around her hanging onto every word that left her, something Harry watched from a distance, hoping that eventually the courage would kick in and he'd be able to walk over to her.

She was, after all, his ex-girlfriend. 

Georgia had come into Harry's life all at once and he wasn't too sure how he'd managed to convince her to date him. She was kind and bold, always knowing when to reassure him on the days when his confidence was low. She was giving and had a laugh that Harry could listen to on repeat if it was ever possible. Georgia was something to behold and Harry had somehow managed to be loved by her. Their whirlwind of a relationship had started one night after they'd run into each other for the fifth time at the coffee shop near Harry's studio. He'd been up for an ungodly amount of hours and needed a caffeine kick. He was convinced that he looked more like a mummy than an actual human and just his luck, Georgia had been sitting in her usual seat. 

She'd been typing away on her laptop with the steaming mug of a vanilla latte, the one Harry learned she always got, cooling off next to her. Her eyes had been focused on the screen in front of her, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as Harry thanked his luck that she hadn't spotted how out of it he looked that day. That was until the barista called his name out and her eyes shot up, meeting his in the loud and bustling shop. Her kind smile, the one that Harry would remember long after their occasional run-in, had left Harry breathless as he rushed over to grab his drink. 

"Early morning?" her voice, which Harry decided was the best thing he'd heard all morning, said as she walked past him when she walked past him to throw away the banana peel she'd been holding onto, "You don't usually pop in until much later."

"Oh, so you've noticed me?" Harry asked and chuckled, trying his best to mask his embarrassment as he pulled down the hoodie that had been covering the unruly curls on his head. 

"Hard not to, considering everyone in this place goes quiet the second you walk in here. Which I should thank you for, gives me a moment of peace and clarity," she nodded and chuckled, "Georgia, it's nice to meet you,"

"Harry,"

"Yeah, I assumed."

Waking up most days, the sun was barely peeking out behind the clouds and Harry had always felt the pull his bed gave him. If he didn't rub his eyes and stretched out his back, he could almost hear the mattress whispering, "come back to bed, Harry," which was all he wanted to do. But he was an adult and his latest movie project had called for some very early morning call times. So there Harry was, waking up before the sun even made it's presence known to the world, sliding on some comfy joggers and his favorite hoodie to shield him from the morning cold. 

"Bub," Georgia's tired voice whined out from his bed, "Too early, don't go."

"I'm sorry, bug, I've got to head out soon, shooting early today and tomorrow," Harry sighed, looking over at the lump in the blankets that was his girlfriend, "Go back to bed, yeah?"

"Wanna kiss," she yawned and peeked out from the blankets, her tired eyes meeting Harry's in the dim-lit room. 

Harry smiled, his feet padding against the wood floors as he made his way over to her side of the bed. Harry had asked her if she'd wanted to move in a few weeks before, which had resulted in Harry's place being filled with pieces of her and him mixed in with one another. His hand found a spot on her hip, rubbing a pattern onto the exposed skin as he leaned down to press a kiss onto her lips. He knew it was dangerous. The kisses shared between the two of them usually ended with moans and whimpers being let out into the room and Harry really couldn't afford to be late to filming. But Georgia's soft lips on his pulled him closer into her, and the bed, and he found himself with that same pulling feeling his mattress would give him back when he was alone. 

"Have fun today, yeah?" Georgia breathed out, her forehead resting against Harry's as they both took in one last moment together. 

The drive to the set, which was usually when Harry drove in silence and tried to get into character, was filled with soft music. Harry's fingers tapped against the steering wheel as he hummed along to the playlist his phone had been playing for the past couple of weeks, a mix of his favorites, Georgia's favorites, and songs that reminded them of one another. Harry had been stopped at a red light when a song he'd picked for the playlist started playing, his smile growing as he heard the opening strums of the guitar. 

"...I could easily lose my mind, the way you kiss me will work each time, calling me to come back to bed singing Georgia on my mind..."

Walking back through the front door, something Harry had done more times than he could count, after his tiring day at the studio, he hadn't expected to be met with Georgia dancing around the living room. Music floated through the house; one of Georgia's favorite things about his place, which she'd told him late one night in bed, was how great the acoustics were and how the music just sounded better. Harry watched as her she danced along to the beat of her favorite song, one which had been on repeat for the past two weeks. His heart swelled and his tired body seemed to spring to life as he watched Georgia turn and face him, her eyes wide and filled with innocence at behind caught lost in a moment.

“Harry!” she said excitedly and rushed over to pull him into a tight hug, one that Harry happily returned, “How was it?”

“Was okay, darling, not as entertaining as that dance though,” he teased, his lips finding her forehead, “What a nice show to walk into.”

“Ha. Ha. Very funny,” she mumbled and rolled her eyes, “Are you hungry?”

“Starving.”

Dinner has been filling, the wine shared between Harry and Georgia making them both warm and fuzzy. They’d cleaned up, humming along to the song that was playing from the living room, and before they knew it they were both laying on the couch taking one another in. Harry had found comfort between Georgia’s thighs, his body slotting in between hers as if they were made to be, his lips exploring the softness of her own. Harry could’ve kissed her for the rest of his life if he tried, he might’ve already been doing that. He always seemed to lose track of time whenever Georgia was in his arms and her lips were on his. The wine certainly hadn’t helped, their movements clumsy and slow as the took each other in and explored their bodies together. It wasn’t until he felt Georgia’s hips push up against his, both of them letting out a groan, that he slowly pulled away. His eyes opened to find a view that had been so heavenly to him in the past couple of months since their relationship had started.

“What is it…?” Georgia asked, her chest rising and falling with the panty breathes she was taking.

“You just…you’re breathtaking,” he whispered, his hand coming up to cup the side of her face, “I don’t deserve your love,” he mumbled.

Underneath him, Georgia was the definition of breathtaking. Her eyes were wide and her pupils dilated, taking over him and leaving Harry with goosebumps on his skin, almost as if she was touching him all over and yet not at all. Her lips, which Harry has been attacking not too long ago, were plush and pink, a sheen of their shared spit still covering them. Her hair had been tousled and no longer framed her face while she laid on the couch, it was poking out in different directions and she might’ve called it horrendous at that angle but Harry loved it. He loved everything about Georgia, she was the one who could make him lose his mind.

“Oh please,” Georgia laughed and shook her head, turning to press a soft kiss into Harry’s palm, “I could never and would never want to love anyone else, Harry.”

“Yeah?” he whispered, fear flashing across his face for just a second before it was gone without a trace at the feel of Georgia’s lips on his again, “I love you, bug.”

“I love you more.”

Georgia was leaving. Her business trip would take her away for almost a week, leaving Harry with a pain in his chest that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard he’d try to push it. He walked her through the train station, holding her bag tightly in his hand as they strolled hand in hand towards the platform. Harry’s heart raced as he felt her lips on his for the last time in a while, his throat aching as he watched her board the train and walked out of view until she found a seat near the window where she could wave goodbye. He wasn’t used to this, being the one who would wave off their lover, he was always the one who was leaving. But as the train screeched and sped off, leaving Harry alone on the platform staring at the brick wall ahead of him, he couldn’t believe Georgia had done this for him countless times.

He’s gone back home alone, the passenger seat next to him feeling cold and he found himself pouting when his hand was met with the feel of leather instead of the softness of Georgia’s thigh. He’d stayed by the phone most of the evening, watching for any updates that she might send on her journey to a city far away from Harry. He had no idea how she did this every time Harry had to leave for a tour or for a movie project, she’d only been gone for a few hours and he’d found himself walking aimlessly around the house, waiting for a sign that she was okay. It was horrible, the waiting and the anxiousness that came with it all.

By the fourth day, Harry had realized just how much he’d taken Georgia for granted. He missed her like crazy. He missed the way she always curled up next to him in bed, how her hand always found his in the middle of the night and gave it a squeeze to show him she was still there beside him. He missed her soft voice and how it sounded while she was on a work call and Harry was in his office or reading through a script. He missed the way her arms would wrap around him and how she would hide her face in his chest, leaving kisses on his skin until he laughed and peppered her skin with kisses. By the fourth day of Georgia being gone, he realized just how hard it must’ve been to be with him.

On the fifth day, Harry had called her after one too many drinks and told her how he felt. His slurred voice rambled on about how he never realized how unfair he has been to her and how she deserved a better relationship. He told her all about how he’d felt since she been gone and how he couldn’t imagine feeling like this every other month. He’d rambled on for minutes on end, his drunken truths interrupted only by the sniffles he’d get caught up in before returning to his original point. The one that Georgia had been trying to figure out for the past hours since he’s hung up the phone. The one that had left her in her hotel room, wiping away the tears Harry had brought on.

“I’m not good enough for you,” he’d choked out, “I leave and disappear for weeks on end and you just…you just wait for me to get back. Do you wait with the same hole in your chest that I have? Because I’d never wish this on anyone, bug, it’s horrendous.”

It had all happened too fast, the rambling and the tears and hit Georgia’s ears before she even had time to think of a response. It felt like seconds had passed since she’s answered the call, excited to tell Harry all about her advent ours day in a city she’d never been to, only to have her heartbroken. Then, as if some cruel joke was being played on her, time slowed down. Every ring to Harry’s dragged on and on until his voicemail message was heard and the line went dead. She’d spent the rest of her night listening to the droning sound, hoping that eventually Harry would answer and she could calm him down, show him the truth, and tell him that she loved him. But the phone was never picked up and the pit in Georgia’s stomach was filled with anxiety.

Arriving back at the platform where she had last seen Harry, her eyes searched the massive crowd of people, her nerves rose as she walked out of the station alone. Her cab ride back home had been silent, her fingers playing with the necklace around her neck nervously as she watched the familiar streets pass by her window, hoping that when she got home she’d be met with the sight of her lover. It had been two days since the call with Harry. Two days since she’d heard from him or even got a text back from him. She was used to the silence, it was something that happened sometimes when Harry’s job became bust and chaotic and he lost himself in it all. But this time around things were different and Harry had been promised at least a couple of weeks off to relax and regain who he was. He was meant to be at home with the people he loved.

Georgia was met with an empty house, the sound of her bag hitting the floor echoing throughout the large rooms. She’d walked through the whole place, calling our Harry’s name only to be met with more silence. It wasn’t until she walked into the bedroom and saw the small card on her pillow that the fear in her truly rose. She must’ve sat on the bed and read through the damn note a thousand times, her body too in shock to move and too anxious to accept that he was gone.

“It’s better this way, bug. You deserve someone who can truly love you the way you are meant to be loved. All I do is cause you pain, I’m barely here for you and I couldn’t even handle less than a week without you. I’m sorry, I wish things could’ve ended differently. I will always have you on my mind, Georgia. Love Always, Harry.”

Harry’s voicemail message, one Georgia had gotten to memorize by the number of times she’d had to listen to it, hit her hears again. Her hands curled around the note, wrinkling it and ripping the paper on one side. Her tears streamed down her cheeks as she tried to steady her voice, her mind running a million miles an hour as she tried her best to keep down a sob.

“You left…y-you just left and didn’t even say goodbye to me. You didn’t even give me a good reason, Harry.” she sniffed, her eyes looking around the room that was filled with them both, “I knew what I was getting myself into when we started this. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and there would be times where I wouldn’t see you for weeks on end. But I also knew that you were everything I wanted.”

Georgia had been warned about Harry when they first started seeing each other. She was told all the rumors about him and plenty of people had tried to scare her away from him and his world. But she knew there was more to him than just a pop star sensation, more to him than the act he put on both off-screen and on. He was kind and gentle and so caring. He was ambitious and inspirational, always wanting the best for himself and those he surrounded himself with. Harry was nothing like what the media portrayed and that had made Georgia fight for them to work.

“I know what your job is like, I knew from the beginning and I stayed, Harry. I stayed because I love you and I want you more than anything I’ve ever wanted,” she whispered and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her sweater, “So please just…just call me back and we can fix this, yeah? I love you,” she sighed and hesitated for a few seconds before hanging up.

Harry, from his hotel room just a few blocks away, listened to the voicemail for hours before his eyes finally closed and he drifted off to sleep.

And then she ran into her at that damn party.

In the short span of the party, Harry had somehow managed to grab her attention and after another sip of the pink drink, they both found themselves walking off to the garden. She’d walked out first, her eyes meeting his while she passed by, almost as if giving Harry a sign to follow her. He’d taken one last sip of his drink, setting the cup down before he followed after her. She looked beautiful in the soft light of the garden, but then again, she always looked beautiful. It wasn’t until Harry’s eyes met hers, which were dull in comparison to the usual emotions they’d held before, that he realized just how much he had missed her presence.

“How have you been?” Harry asked, breaking the silence between them and instantly hating how her shoulders and jaw tensed, “I…I’m sorry about…”

“About leaving me with just a note and a shitty explanation?” Georgia asked, her eyes staring into Harry’s with a new emotion, anger.

“Georgia I…” Harry started, the lump in his throat growing as she shook her head and sighed.

“No, you had your chance to talk,” she frowned, “You has your chance to talk and call or even just text me, and did you? No! All you did was ignore me for four months and now you won’t stop staring at me at this party and it’s just…”

“I love you,” he blurted out, his eyes wide as he waited for her reaction, “I know I messed up but I love you and I haven’t stopped loving you since you spilled chocolate syrup on me during our first sleepover.”

“You can’t just show up after months and expect me to forgive you. You broke my heart, Harry! You left me and I couldn’t even stop you,” she whispered shakily, her eyes meeting his in the moonlight, “I just…I miss you so much and I should hate you. I should hate your guys but I just can’t.”

They talked more after that, both of them too tired from the stress and heartbreak of the past months to put up much of a fight. They talked until the moon was disappearing on the horizon and the music behind them both dimmed until it was just Harry and Georgia's voice floating up into the sky. They talked about everything, the insecurities they’d both had, the challenging parts of their relationship, and even the terrifying parts. They both moved closer to one another as the night went on, leaning into the warmth they both gave off until they had said everything they needed to say.

“Please just…can we try again?” Harry whispered as his hand found Georgia’s, his eyes meeting hers with a pleasing look, “I want to work this out with you, I want us to work.”

“I never wanted you to leave in the first place, Harry,” Georgia whispered, her forehead leaning against his as they both felt a pressure lift off their shoulders. Both finally feeling a little more like themselves for the first time in months.

Harry's personal life changed a lot after that party. He continued to throw himself into his work, leaving his studio from late nights recording and rushing on to the set of his latest movie project. Starring in movies had always been a dream for Harry, he got to immerse himself into a world and a life he'd never lived. It was so surreal whenever he walked on stage in his costume, it all felt like a dream. But his latest dreams in life include a certain someone by his side. They included Georgia, whose warmth and kindness brought Harry a bigger thrill than any of his projects ever could. The months apart had left both of them searching for one another in an ocean of regrets and words unspoken until that night at the party.

It was hard work, especially when he was writing and recording in whatever spare time he had on days after he was done filming, making time for his relationship with the love of his life was something he’d never take for granted again. He’d move planets for Georgia and he knew that she’d do the same for him. And maybe, just maybe, the ring that had been hiding in Harry’s bag would make an appearance in the coming months, to show his lover that he would always sing with Georgia on his mind.

taglist: @hrrypinks​ @matchacal

[mings]

Some context...

...in relation to that last post. This is a lo-o-o-o-ong read, so feel free to skip right by if catharsis bores you.

This starts way before I joined tumblr; in fact, long before tumblr was even a thing.

Twenty years ago, we lived in a huge house backing onto the English Channel. We moved there from Scotland, which turned out to be (probably) the biggest mistake of my life. 

Within nine months of buying the place, the company I’d moved to work for nearly folded. I and most of the workforce were made redundant. That set in motion an existential battle with our mortgage insurer, which refused to pay out because I “must have known” when taking out the insurance. (I didn’t, and they eventually caved in after destroying my credit record, but that’s another story.)

Work wasn’t immediately available; none that would at least cover the bills. We got inventive, wrote a business plan, obtained finance & bought a franchise. It went pretty well for the first three years, but we had to bust a gut to make the required income. It wasn’t easy. Eventually, the franchise operator messed up relations with several key players in our insurance market. Within three months, we lost 75% of our revenue. I had to close the workshop & find part time work to make ends meet. Ultimately, we decided to close the business, sell the house and downsize to something more manageable.

What’s the relevance of this? We tried hard to keep our precarious financial state form the kids. Maybe we didn’t do as well as we thought. Our son had already become withdrawn. He’d fallen in with a group of local lads about whom we had grave misgivings. Of course, there was no discussing it. We were “over-reacting” and unreasonable. It was around that time that he decided to jack in his education. I couldn’t criticise; I’d done the same. I pulled some strings and got him a job at our local Royal Mail delivery office.

We moved to our new place. It was a stressful move. Trying to fit into a house that was literally half the size was never going to be an easy task. One afternoon, our son came home from work and soon after announced he was going out. “See you later.” Only we didn’t. He didn’t come home that night. Nor did he turn up for work the next day. Nor the day after. And nor the day after that. Within a week he was written up for unauthorised absence. We had no way of contacting him. His case was heard in the following weeks. I could offer no mitigation. He was sacked for abandonment of duty. That tag that means he’ll never work for them again. 

We still had no idea where he was. We only knew he was alive because we met a couple of his friends who couldn’t believe he’d not been in touch. Still no word. My wife was in shreds; I suspect any of you who are parents can identify with that. I was alternating between trying to prop her up and stay on top of my job, all the while under a constant barrage of barracking (Oh, we don’t mean anything by it, it’s just banter....)

About three months in I’d had enough. Sleep was a scarce resource so I rose at the crack of dawn and started on a trip, rousting one after another of the friends and acquaintances that I knew, following leads until finally I tracked him down to a sordid bedsit several towns and 40 miles away. At least he answered the door and looked sheepish. He offered no explanation or apology, and has never done so to date. He refused to come back home, but promised to keep in touch. 

We know he bounced from one sofa to another in the next few months. He spent time in some of the worst areas in the county for drug abuse. He fell into a relationship with a girl that looked promising initially and subsequently fell apart. Later, he surfaced in another town with another girl whom he subsequently married. She often spoke of his irascible temperament and moods. Ultimately the marriage was doomed; she was younger than him, found a new interest and moved out. One wonders now how much of that was her and how much she’d put up with before voting with her feet.

He’s stumbled from one financial crisis to another. Money just evaporates. It’s as though adulting is a mystery beyond his reach. I’ve lost count of the times that we’ve thrown money at him and I don’t want to even think about how much. It’s literally thousands, always a loan, yet he never, ever pays back.

He left his job. That was inevitable too; he worked for his ex-father-in-law’s company. Heaven only knows how long the writing was on the wall; it was pretty swift once she left. He drifted again. He chose to live in a squalid flat with no heating rather than move back with us. Absolutely his choice, not ours. 

We moved to Scotland. That meant all his stuff had to go into storage. Quick rewind - he moved all his stuff to ours when he gave up the house he & his ex lived in, but refused to move back home. I had to rent a storage unit to make space for all his gear & when we moved I shifted all his gear into the store, gave him the key & told him I’d paid three months up front; after that it was his to deal with. Apparently, he surrendered the store and moved all his gear into the flat...

Fast forward to a couple of months back. He’d run out of options at the flat. His flatmate was “really difficult” to live with. His ex had moved away, taking their son with her. He had nothing left to stay for and, surprise, he’d lost his job again so he couldn’t afford the rent. 

My wife convinced me we should give him one last shot, citing his fragile mental health. I agreed on the strict understanding that we are simply no longer in a position to support him. He assured us he’d be applying for work as soon as he got here. We rarely see him before midday...

We agreed the end of the first week in March. We knew he’d arrive with a ton of stuff so we had (again) to create space. That’s infinitely more difficult now we’re running a B&B, but we set to the task. Suddenly, two weeks sooner than we’d agreed, he rented a van and was on his way. No discussion, no warning. We only found out because he put something on FB. 

Finally, after trying to reach him most of the day, he phoned. Whilst we should have been relieved, instead we were treated to a barrage of abuse because all the petrol stations were shut. Of course they were. It was in a national lockdown and why would they stay open when there was no one on the roads? JFC, who embarks on a journey in sub-zero temperatures across some of the most inhospitable country in the UK without enough fuel? With a six year old child. Yes, not only did he forget to tell us about his change of plans, he forgot to tell us he was bringing his son too.

We drove south through the night for two hours to find him somewhere in the Cairngorms where he’d run out of fuel. No fuel meant no heaters at 1500 feet in deep snow. The ambient temperature was -5ºC/23ºF & with wind chill that was probably around -10ºC/14ºF. We found him & refuelled his van. No thanks, just another barrage of abuse, because he was tired. We took his son into our car & drove the two hours back in near silence. I think we knew then that it was an awful predictor of what was to come.

We’ve had row after row. He accused me of being passive-aggressive in the last. He actually ticks all the boxes for passive-aggressive behaviour. I’ve never been tagged with that before; if anything I’m too forthright, blunt even. That’s a failing to which I will admit. If by that he meant that I don’t talk about the elephant in the room, it’s only because we fear it’ll lead to another explosion.

He never saw the damage that we sustained during our fostering years. He was never there. Yet here we are, experiencing flashbacks to those traumatic incidents; the parallels are exact. We have the benefit of years of training. We recognise manipulative behaviour when we see it - we were trained by some of the nations best exponents - and we know divisive tactics implicitly.  What he doesn’t know is that he will succeed only in pushing us closer together and alienating himself even further.

There are clear and well-documented links between cannabis and mental health issues. He is allowing the drug to determine his life choices. Although I may be wrong, I think he’s cultivating skunk, which is nothing like the weed that circulated in my youth. The smell that pervades our hallway is instantly evocative of high strength Afghan resin. It’s also going to be acutely difficult to eradicate before we’re due to open.

We’ve endured 20 years of this treatment. I know that even if we have a ritual burning, it will only be a matter of time before we’re back here again. We’re old. We’re tired. And we’ve worked our socks off (and still do) to achieve what we have. Maybe somewhere along the way we missed something. But I’m at a stage where I’m so far beyond this I just want it to stop.

[betterthebest]

Here We Go Again | An MJF Fanfic Part 4

Status: *Not requested*

Description: Bella was a teen wrestler working in the Indy circuit until an injury cost her her short career. She and MJF were friends turned lovers, turned strangers and friends again. What happens when she joins AEW to lead a faction with her ex? Will their history jeopardize their rekindled friendship?

A/N: This is an alternate universe (no covid :p) where MJF didn’t earn a spot in the inner circle. Hope you all enjoy my original story!

See also: (Part 1) (Part 2)

“Is it possible for me to kiss you?” James’ voice was shaking. We parked up in front of Britt’s after our date. We had a great time at a bar in downtown Jacksonville. I liked talking to him. He’s very down to earth and mature. I’ve dated guys his age before and they weren’t mature when they were supposed to be. We got along great and the three hours we spent together felt like no time at all. We listened to music and talked about life and what we wanted out of it. The talks were never shallow which I appreciated. I looked at him with a smile. “It’s possible.” He smiled back and leaned in. I leaned over the consol. He placed his hand on my cheek and pulled me in softly. In one swift motion his lips connected with mine. It was slow and sweet. He was a good kisser but I couldn’t help but compare him to Max. They were both soft and tender. It was different though, there was love behind my kisses with Max, even last week. I had to figure what I wanted from him. Am I able to move on? Maybe it’s not with James, but maybe it’s not with anyone.  We pulled away, smiling. “Sweet,” he said.  I giggled, “you’re good.” He laughed, “thank you, so are you.” We talked a little bit more before saying goodnight. He waited for Britt to open the door for me before pulling off. Britt hugged me when I walked in. “What the...?” “How was it?” She grinned.  “It was fun.” “And did he kiss you?” She grinned.  “Were you watching?” Britt closed her lips together, looking around the room. “Nooo?” I shook my head, laughing. “He did.” “Was it good?” “He was good.” I put on my best smile. Britt of course didn’t buy into my giddiness. “What happened? Did he say something douchy? I’ll kill him. You think you know a guy,” she shook her head.  “No, Britt. He’s great. It’s just...Max slipped into my mind.” I sat on the couch in defeat. “He wasn’t on my mind before that kiss.” Britt sat next to me. “Oh Bell, what are you going to do about Max?” “I don’t know. All I know is this was a bad idea.” “No, stop it’s not. You’re just confused.” “How can I get over it?” I dropped my head to my hands. Britt rubbed my back to comfort me. “I don’t know babes, I don’t know.” I heard footsteps behind us. I sat up and looked back at Austin. “What’s going on?” He placed his hands on his hips. “She’s having a moment,” Britt said with a sigh. Austin nodded his head. “Are you okay kiddo?” “Max,” was all I could say.  “My name isn’t Max, but...” “It’s about Max you dip,” Britt rolled her eyes. “I know that babe, I’m trying to make her smile.” “Well you failed,” Britt said, causing me to chuckle. She looked at me, “I won.” “Britt won,” I said softly. Austin shook his head, “seriously. What happened?” Austin walked in front of us.  “How do I get over this comparing guys to Max?” “Get under him,” he shrugged.  “Tried that. Made things worse.” Austin looked at me then at Britt with wide eyes. “I um shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t want to know.” “She’s not a child anymore babe.” “But she’s like my sister.” He turned his attention back to me. “You need guy advice, don’t you?” “Duh, Jenkins.” I said and Britt laughed. “Seriously, what should I do?” I sat, laying my head on the couch backing. “Talk to him about it. you two will be working close together for a while. The tension might be great for tv, but you need peace of mind.” “I had a feeling you’d say to talk to him,” I sighed.  He chuckled, “you have to be an adult about it.” He’s completely right. As much as I hated it, Austin is usually right when I get advice from him. Austin left for bed while Britt and I talked about my night. I needed to get Max off my mind, at least for the night. I was going to see him in the morning. I’ll have to rip the band-aid off and that’s just what I was going to do.

The next day Britt drove me to the airport. I made my way through TSA and met up with Max. He was sitting at a coffee shop, phone in hand. An announcement came over the speakers saying flights to New York will be delayed. I approached him and sat in the chair across from him. He looked  up at his phone and smiled at me. “Hey, you.” “Hey, how’s it going?” “Eh, pissed that our flight will be another hour.” He looked at the board next to us with all the flights and times they will leave and arrive somewhere. “Well that sucks.” We made small talk. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him just yet. We talked about next week. I didn’t want to bring down the conversation by telling him what’s on my mind. It started to irritate me to the point where I just had to tell him. “Max? Can I... I need to tell you something.” “Yeah what’s up? You look nervous.” He placed his hand on mine and gave it a quick squeeze. My palms were sweating and my mouth went dry. I needed that to be the other way around. I just came out and spewed word vomit at him. “James asked me out so we went out and he kissed me. When he did kiss me I thought about you and now I’m a mess because I’m thinking about you.” I took a deep breath. Max had a blank expression on his face. We sat in an awkward silence for a couple of minutes. “So you went out with James?” I nodded. “And you kissed him?” I nodded again. “And you thought of me?” “Max I just told you.” “Do you still love me? And don’t say you’ll always love me, you know what I mean.”  “I don’t know Max and that’s the problem.” “How did you feel about me when we fucked?” His tone got more aggressive. I didn’t answer. He pulled his chair closer to mine. “How did you feel about me when we fucked?” He whispered in the same tone. His face was only inches from mine. “Look at me.”  “It felt amazing. I missed you and being in your arms,” I said softly. Our eyes connected. He reached out and cupped my cheek with his hand. “Then be mine again,” he ran his thumb across my cheek bone.  “Max I-I don’t know.” He dropped his hand and stood up. “Well when you know, come talk to me.” He took his luggage and walked away. I watched as we walked towards the gate. My head started pounding and my heart sunk. We can’t even be friends. I didn’t want to ruin things, but here we are. He doesn’t even want to be my friend and that’s what hurts the most. I got a text from James asking how I was. I lied to avoid conversation. He told me to have a safe flight and we left it at that.  Max and I sat in different rows. He didn’t even look at me I felt like a huge pile of crap. My throat tightened, I couldn’t help but let tears flow. All of a sudden a memory came back from when we were 16. 

                                              .     .     .    .     .     .  

I took the train from school to the training facility. It was only a half hour ride. Davey picked me up from the station and had another kid in the passenger’s seat. He looked about my age, dark hair and dark deep set eyes. He had an air of confidence about him, almost to the point of cockiness. He looked kind of small so maybe he was trying put on a façade. He would look at me every once in a while through the rearview mirror. It wasn’t anything creepy, more of trying to figure me out. Even though I had my school uniform on I still looked like I was fixing to fight someone. I always put on my own hard exterior even though deep down I’m a sweet person. I kept my head down to keep from an awkward stare. He talked to Davey about how excited he was to start training. I found out that Max was being trained by the main trainer at the school. Davey just started as a trainer last year when I began here. When I was 13 I went to a wrestling school just for fun. It was something I ended up really enjoying. I wasn’t serious about it though until I realized I could actually be successful. At 13 I did both dance and wrestling, but I chose the latter not only because it was more enjoyable, but it became my dream turned reality. Focusing on wrestling was the best decision I made.  Once we got to the school I went to the restroom and got dressed in my sweatpants. I tied my hair up and made my way to the main room. All the trainers would get together and set up matches for all the students. There were three people assigned to a trainer with five trainers in total. The females would go against each other and the males will. Sometimes we’ll have intergender matches if we begged for it. All the trainers introduced a new member to their team. The boy from the car’s name was Maxwell Friedman. He clearly looked like the youngest, but he carried himself as if he was older than he actually is. I on the other hand always seemed younger in the way I presented myself. I don’t have the best posture and radiated timid young girl vibes. He scanned everyone and rested his gaze on me. I looked away quickly. Boys never really looked in my direction before, at least I didn’t notice them looking at me. Going to an all girls Catholic school didn’t help the cause. We all gathered around the ring and had matches one by one. I was the fourth match and went up against a girl named Fiona. She was a few inches taller than me and had slightly bigger arms. I could lift half my body weight, but I didn’t do that enough to see major results. I didn’t want big arms, I just wanted to be strong. Davey coached me while her trainer coached her. There was no winners or losers in these matches. It was more to build up our endurance and skill. We all got 10 minutes for each match. After my match it was time for a dinner break. We all sat around to eat and talk. I ended up sitting next to Max. We started to talk since everyone else was scarce. He started talking first. “So, how old are you?” “16,” I nodded. The corners of his lips turned into a smile. “So am I. What month were you born?” “September, you?” “I’m older. March,” he said proudly. I let out a chuckle. He continued talking, “you’re a good wrestler.” I smiled. It was the highest compliment for me. “Thank you. I’m looking forward to seeing your skill.” “I have plenty,” he smirked. I rolled my eyes and laughed. “You’ll see.” And that I did. He wrestled the next time we had class. On Tuesday’s and on Friday’s is a training class with our individual trainers. One Saturday a month the whole school would put on a show for friends and family. When the next Tuesday rolled around I became brave and started a conversation with Max. We decided to ask our trainers if we could have a match together. They agreed and let us do it. We were coached through and found out that we had a lot of chemistry in the ring. Every move I made was natural and didn’t have much thought behind it. 

[rovewritesit]

Angel Of My Dreams (Chapter 4) John Deacon x Reader Series

Series Summary: After reluctantly joining a band with your childhood best friends, you are thrust into oncoming stardom with no sea legs and an overwhelming sense of anxiety. But you just might find your way, thanks to some seasoned pros by your side. And the interest of one particular bassist.

This series is a work of fiction, and is loosely inspired by real people and events. Absolutely no offense is meant to actual Queen or their families.

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3

Pairing: John Deacon x Reader

Chapter Warnings: Strong language. Feelings of anxiety.

Chapter Notes: This one was a doozy! Don’t start your very first fic with only a vague idea of where it’s going, friends! Quick reminder that this is a slow ass burn. Gonna take us a bit to get there but want to point out there will be no infidelity. Also fun fact: my grandfather actually did work at Elaine’s and the Mick Jagger story is true.

Song/Title Inspiration: Angel - Fleetwood Mac

Songs Mentioned:

Hallelujah, I Love Her So - Ray Charles

Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel) - Billy Joel - [I know it wasn’t released till the 90s but I couldn’t shake it]

Taglist: @yourlocalmusicalprostitute​ @brianmays-hair @deacyblues @squishy-geckboye @hae-bee @aprilaady

- - - - - - -

July 1982 - Freeport, Long Island

“I’ll be right back,” you sigh to no one in particular, pushing yourself off of the faded paisley couch in the basement of Steve’s parent’s house and making your way upstairs for a glass of water. The dull pounding in your head had only gotten worse from repeatedly staring at the green shag carpeting leftover from the prior decade. Navigating the layout of the familiar house with ease, you make your way to the kitchen.

“Oh, Bunny! Wonderful, I was just about to bring down some iced tea,” calls out Steve’s mother upon seeing you.

“Thanks, Mrs. Castellano. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Well, you know me. It was too quiet when you were all away.” The Limbs had recently gotten back from a small European tour--the album having spread beyond England; to Scotland, France, Germany, and Belgium. “I can’t help myself when I get all of you back under my roof. Speaking of… how’s it going down there?” she presses.

You keep your deadpan expression glued to your face as you lock eyes with the kind woman.

She grimaces, “I had a feeling. You better bring this back yourself then,” she hands you the pitcher.

“Will do. Thanks again, Mrs. C,” you tell her as you start to trudge your body back towards the basement. You let out a deep sigh before yanking the door open and descending into the pit of your own personal hell.

Lawrence’s voice booms from below, “I said simple! A simple four to the floor, and that’s it.”

The rest of The Limbs were right as you left them. Eddie and Rich lounge on the couch that is pushed up against the wood-paneled walls, their guitars strewn casually over their legs as they watch the ongoing argument. Lawrence paces around the room, his hands seemingly glued to his head as he pulls on his hair, and Steve sits behind his drum kit that’s tucked away in the corner. Padded blankets hang from the ceiling around him - a sorry excuse for soundproofing.

“Oh c’mon, I’m just adding some flavor to it! I’ll be as boring, sorry simple, as you want when we actually record it,” Steven replies, twirling a drumstick in his right hand.

Rich lets out a sigh as he clocks you making your way back. “Bun, any help here?”

You softly place the pitcher on a table off to the side before turning to the group, leaning back on your hands. “I just don’t get why we need to debut something new if it’s obviously not ready,” you say carefully.

“Of course you’d say that,” Lawrence grumbled, gesturing in your general direction. “Do you not want to sing it? Because you all told me you thought it was good!”

“It’s not that, and you know it, it’s just-”

“It just needs some work before Sunday, so let’s run the rhythm section again,” Eddie cuts in impatiently from his perch on the back of the couch. He untangles his spidery limbs and makes his way over to where you’re camped out.

“Okay, I’ll explain it again,” Lawrence huffs.

“We don’t need this stress two days before we play,” you tell Eddie softly.

“It’s a hometown show, Y/N,” he looks at you pointedly. “These folks helped get us to where we are. It’ll be nice to give them something new.”

The label had secured The Limbs a night at the Jones Beach Theater, the largest outdoor venue on the island. People from all over traveled to watch such acts as Jimmy Buffet, James Taylor, and Aerosmith, the height of entertainment for the suburban droves. And now they’ll be camping out for the first hometown Limbs show since they’d been signed. It was a huge deal, and you knew it, but you didn’t need something unfamiliar to throw off your already wavering shadow of a presence on stage.

Rich begins to pluck out the new bass line, carefully watching Lawrence’s reaction as he plays. On the pick-up, Steve again adds a light flourish as he joins in.

“Steve! For god’s sake! What did I just say?!”

“Live a little, will ya, Lawrence!” Steven shouts back.

The door to the basement wrenches open, and you all freeze. Mr. Castellano’s footsteps are heavy as he stomps down the stairs, somehow staring all of you down at once.

“Kids. If you’d be so kind as to keep it down a tad. I already have to watch the Yankees hand their asses over to the Blue Jays up there. I would at least like to hear it.”

“Sorry, Dad,” Steve mumbles.

“Thank you.” He starts to make his way back up the stairs but halts, turning to you once again. “Oh, also, someone from your label called before,” he adds on casually.

Steven jumps up from his stool, “What?! Dad!”

“What?! Steven!” he mimics. “I’m not your secretary.”

“Can you just tell us what they said?” Steve scoffs at his father.

“Something about being invited to a show at The Garden tonight. Some band. It’s… Dang it. I wrote it down somewhere,” he mutters, making his way back up the stairs.

“I wonder who it is,” Rich thinks aloud, glancing around to all of you.

Eddie notices as your body immediately stiffens beside him.

“Bun?” he asks slowly. “Do you know who’s playing Madison Square Garden tonight?”

Your eyes find the green carpet once again. Of course you knew who was playing tonight. Queen was beginning their two-night stay at the venue. Dawn wanted to get tickets, but you had argued that it was getting harder for you to go unrecognized in public. That, and the fact you had come to the realization you could only act like a complete fool around any of the band members. You weren’t keen on adding another entry to the list.

“It’s Queen!” Mr. Castellano calls from upstairs. “Starts at 8. You kids should get going if you’re gonna make it.”

“Queen’s playing?” Lawrence marvels. “How did we miss that?”

Rich rises, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe all the incessant practicing you’ve been holding us hostage for?” 

“She knew,” Eddie smirks, pointing at you with his thumb. You stick your tongue out at him.

“Why didn’t you say anything? I’ve never gotten the chance to see them live before!” Steve questions, already rocking back on his heels with excitement. He had become quite the Queen fan since your run-in with Freddie after sticking to him like glue that entire night.

You shrug, trying to act nonchalant, “I thought we had more important things to focus on.”

“No, that’s not it,” Eddie deduces, narrowing his eyes at you. “You’re just embarrassed that you went all jellied around Mr. Mercury the last time.”

“You’re the one who had to go and tell him all about me fawning over them on MTV!”

“Ooor, maybe it’s because the entirety of the UK saw you making eyes at their bassist on that game show,” Lawrence elaborates.

“There were no eyes being made at anyone,” you grit out defensively, knowing full well that their words were ringing true.

“I, for one, am happy you have a crush, Bun. You know it’s been a while since…” Rich trails off, leaving out the name of a dreaded ex none of you speak of.

You push yourself off your perch on the table with a huff. “You know what? We’ll go. Let’s go. That way, I can disprove all your wildly inaccurate assumptions,” you retort, wanting to get the heat off you fast.

Steven chuckles, “Oh no, she’s broken out her dictionary, folks. Looks like we’ve hit a nerve.” He pokes your side playfully.

“Shut up, please,” you tell them, making your way over to the stairs. “We have a train to catch.”

- - - - - - -

You’re late.

The muffled bass from the arena hits your ears as the Limbs dash up the steps leading from Penn Station to MSG. You all but sprint to catch up with the boy’s long gaits as they approach the box office window.

“Hiya, there’s supposed to be some tickets at will-call for us from the band,” Eddie explains to a woman behind the glass as he tries to catch his breath.

“Name?” 

“Uh… Lo & The Limbs?”

“Don’t have anything under that name. Could it be something else?”

“Can you try just The Limbs?” he guesses, turning back to the group with wide, panicked eyes.

“Nope, sorry,” she answers in a monotone.

“How about The Legs,” you offer up from your spot behind Rich’s tall figure. She just shakes her head.

“Well, fuck,” Lawrence sighs, slapping his palms against his legs, obviously ticked off from the 45-minute train ride you’d all barely caught because Steve had changed his shirt a minimum of three times before you could all head out.

“What about Bunny?” Steve asks with a giggle.

The woman raises her eyebrows before checking the list yet again.

“Ah, there you are. Bunny and friends,” she concludes with a sigh.

A chorus of chuckles erupts from the boys. You point your finger at Eddie.

“I’m coming for ya. Eds. You’re not gonna know where or when, but I’ll get you back for this one day,” you tell him playfully. 

“Oh yeah, and when you kill me, you can be free to go off and start your solo group, Bunny and Friends.”

She hands you all large laminate passes and gestures for you to follow a security guard. They deposit you in one of the skyboxes on the 10th floor. The Limbs tentatively enter, glancing around at the mishmash of people gathered. Extra crew, friends of the band, some execs, you guess to yourself. The boys immediately descend on the small bar set up in the back of the room.

“Here, I assume you need one of these,” Lawrence shoves a beer in your shaking hands. 

“You assume right, good sir.”

“How the hell did we lose Steve already?” Eddie gripes. Rich easily spots him over the tops of heads surrounding them, pointing to a tall figure pushing his way towards the front of the box that opens up into seating. You all follow, mummering polite excuse me’s and thank you’s as you try to keep up. You can hear Play The Game get louder as you approach the view. 

Steve rushes to the first row of seats, leaning over the railing of the balcony. “God, will you look at all these people?” he marvels, watching as the dancing lights illuminate the mass below him.

But you’re not looking at the crowd. Your gaze immediately finds the stage, where Freddie is situated behind a piano off to the left. His voice booms as if he were standing right next to you, and you’re positive that even without a mic, it would be heard by all 20,000 individuals. His eyes are closed as he slams hard on the piano, seemingly in his own world, yet the entire crowd is wholly entranced.

Brian then casually lopes to center for his solo. He smiles out at the crowd as his fingers dance across the frets gracefully while Eddie screams in appreciation throughout. He then jogs back to his mic, nearly missing his cue for his backing vocals, but his fingers never rest. Roger’s gravely falsetto catches your ear, and you train your eyes on the multitasking drummer. Even up behind his kit, his presence takes center stage while he keeps perfect time. The group ends the song in perfect synchronicity as the lights cut to black.

The chords for Somebody To Love start with a few majestic trills from Freddie’s voice, but your attention is once again grabbed away. Towards the back of the stage, still cast in darkness, you see John. He quickly shrugs off a fitted leather jacket to reveal an even tighter full cerulean blue ensemble before a roadie slips the strap of his bass over his head. He strolls into the light just as Freddie finishes his improv, lightly bouncing on the balls of his feet as they begin the song.

While he keeps his gaze mostly pointed to the ground, his body already thrums with anticipation. As it really gets going, you watch as he comes to life. You can’t help but hang onto his every movement; the unintentional jerks of his head, the light two-step of his feet as he shuffles along to his bass line's groove. He seems entirely at the will of the song and loving every minute of it. A pang of jealousy hits your chest as you wonder if you’d ever feel that free on stage.

Not much conversation passes between you and the boys as you watch on, more than a bit awestruck. You’re not sure how many songs pass, but fresh beers repeatedly appear in your hands every so often. The lights are dizzyingly bright as your eyes skip around the stage, trying to absorb as much as you can. You find they consistently flick back to John, sucking in every minutia of his performance. Your chest tightens like it did the day of Pop Quiz. Every time he had caught your eye, you remember having to push down the inescapable thoughts you were having. You would tell yourself you don’t know what it is about him, but you’d be lying. 

A voice jolts you out of your stupor. “You must be Fred’s young friends he met in New Haven.”

The group turns to find a small man situated in the row behind them wearing an impeccably tailored suit.

“Jim Beach, manager for the band,” he holds out a hand for each of you to shake. “Sorry for the last-minute invitation. Fred was simply beside himself when he remembered you’re all from New York. So glad you could make it.”

“This is incredible, thanks so much for having us,” Rich tells the man sincerely as his gaze keeps being drawn back to the stage.

“Glad you’re enjoying yourselves. We’ve always been big fans of playing here.”

“It’s quite the spectacle,” you muse. “I've never seen The Garden this decked out before. I mean, those lighting rigs alone must cost…” you trail off.

“Believe me, you don’t want to know,” Jim replies with a quirk of his lips. “If you’d all like to follow me downstairs, they’ll be finishing up soon, and I’m sure Fred would love to thank you for coming.”

Steve leaps from his plastic seat, “Yes, please!”

- - - - - - -

The green room is unlike any you’ve ever seen—rust-colored persian rugs litter the floor, the grey slate underneath barely peeking through. Tapestries and various paintings line the walls, somehow giving the usually sterile space a homey feel. Multiple buffet tables filled with every accoutrement imaginable are tucked away in a back corner.

The room is scarce of people for the most part. Crew members filter in and out, grabbing waters, some puffing on cigarettes as they wipe down their sweaty foreheads. A select few have migrated down from the skybox as well.

Lawrence plops down on one of the many leather couches, taking in the room. “So this is what it’s like when you make it?”

“Seems a little excessive even for a band of their stature,” murmurs Rich as if reading your mind.

The deafening roar of the crowd is heard from above, and Queen closes out their encore. The crew members who are now needed for the post set break-down hurry from the room as it gets quiet. You all sit there in near silence for a few moments until a light cheer erupts as Freddie, Brian, and Roger all enter the room, swaddled in thick robes and towels around their necks. They're breathing heavy, still radiating the energy from their set, knowing full well that it was a fantastic show.

“Thank you, darling,” Freddie says as someone hands him a bottle of cold water, glancing around at the people who are still giving the band a wide berth. He spots the group of you huddled out of the way. “Oh!” he exclaims with a clap of his hands, making his way over, “You made it!”

He kisses you all on the cheeks, leaving a ghost of sweat on your faces. “My gangly young saplings! It’s lovely to see you.” He locks eyes with you, a wicked grin on his face. “And you most of all, my little cottontail.”

“You were fantastic Freddie, thank you so much for thinking of us, really,” you tell him genuinely.

“And who have we got here?” a towering Brian May appears behind Freddie.

“Oh yes, may I present to you, Lo & The Limbs!” Freddie says, spreading his arms wide. So he does remember the name; you laugh to yourself.

Eddie pushes further into the group to immediately extend his hand. “You slayed tonight, man. I mean, really slayed.”

Brian returns the shake with a surprised laugh. “Why, thank you. I’ve heard your album, and I have to say, you all… slay as well.”

“Oy, you!” A disheveled looking Roger Taylor makes his way over to the group, people parting like the red sea before him. He marches straight up to you, his finger inches from your nose. “I lost quite a lot of quid, thanks to you.”

You shrink back a bit. “I’m sorry?”

“It would be like John to bring in a ringer at the last second. And after we’d already threw down our bets.” You glance at Freddie with a confused look still on your face.

“What a lovely way to welcome our new friends,” Brian throws an arm over Roger’s shoulder before turning to you. “We may have made a slight wager on John’s most recent Pop Quiz appearance.”

“Slight?” Freddie smirks. “My new Gucci loafers would disagree, darling.”

Roger lets out an incoherent grumble. “Well, he usually fucks it up, doesn’t he? That is until you snuck in there.”

“I’m… sorry?” you offer, failing to find a witty remark for the situation.

He heaves a dramatic sigh, “I guess you’ll just have to make it up to me. I’ve been looking for someone to help me bury the bodies, or do my taxes, or be on call if I perhaps fancied a shag in the middle of the night?” he raises his brows in an overtly teasing manner.

You let out a sharp snort. “Fancy a shag? God, that sounds so much better than “ya wanna go fuck?”

Roger chuckles heartily, “Alright, alright. It was touch and go there for a bit, but I’ve come ‘round. I like this one. She can stay.”

“Y’know, we made a bet of sorts as well,” Lawrence reveals with a mischievous grin. The men all look to him, intrigued. “How long Y/N could keep her cool around that bassist of yours. She failed miserably, and now we shall reap the benefits by teasing her mercilessly until the end of time.”

You swear your mouth couldn’t have dropped open faster. Really need to work on that poker face, you tell yourself.

“Someone was trying to be cool around Deacy? Are you sure you’ve met the man?” Brian laughs.

Staring blankly around, all you know is you need to get out of this situation fast. “I need to pee,” you announce loudly. Really, Y/N? “Excuse me.”

Quickly ducking out of the room before anyone can say anything, you lean your back up against the wall in the hallway as you collect your swimming thoughts. What was it about this band that made you get all dumbstruck? Truth be told, you weren’t usually a timid person. Sure, everyone had bouts of social anxiety now and again, but you navigated social interactions seamlessly for the most part. It had always been easy for you to make friends or crack a quick comeback at a joke. Teasing was a form of endearment where you came from. But ever since you’d entered this new world, it was as if you were a stranger in your body. Who happened to be almost mute apparently. You push yourself off the wall to find a bathroom, your mind still fully occupied by your inner ramblings.

“Points!” a roadie shouts at you, trying to get your attention as they push a cart of cumbersome looking sound equipment right into your path. Before you have time to react, two hands grip your waist and pull you back to your previous position against the wall. 

Once again, you are face to face with a familiar chest. You watch as a light chuckle rumbles through it.

“I know it’s cheesy to say, but we have to stop meeting like this. Or do you make it a point to always bumble about in narrow hallways?” John pulls his hands back to his side as you meet his attractive colored eyes, amusement flickering in them. 

“John. Hi,” is all you manage.

“Good to see you again, Y/N. Freddie mentioned you all might be stopping by. Glad you could make it.”

You try and will your new persona not to take hold, but all you can do is smile meekly at him. He regards you patiently, cocking his head to the side slightly.

“Did you enjoy the show?”

“Yes, very much,” you rush out quickly. “I’ve never seen anything quite like that before. The Garden’s not an easy place to play.”

“Thank you. You’re kind," he smiles bashfully. "The crowds in New York are some of my favorites. I wish we got the chance to spend more time here, but it seems we’re always passing through.”

“Am I interrupting?” Freddie asks with raised eyebrows from the doorway, a grin on his face.

John makes his way over to him. “Not at all. Just heroically saving Y/N from a near-death run-in with Ratty.”

“Sounds about right,” Freddie muses. “Now, if we’re all safe and sound, I’d like to get out of here. I’m positively starving.”

“Where to?” John asks.

“I want to go someplace real New Yorkers go,” he looks to you expectantly.

“Bun-bun?” you hear from inside before Steve pokes his head around Fred.

“Is your grandpa working tonight?”

- - - - - - -

Even John knew of Elaine’s. He’d hadn’t heard about it because the notable food, but rather the wide variety of clientele it boasted. Writers, directors, actors, and musicians alike frequently filled the establishment for the ambiance and lively conversation. Freddie would love it.

The large group enters through the wood door under a large awning, immediately hit by a wall of sound. The small place is packed to the brim. Raucous laughter can be heard from most tables as the patrons sardine together, shouting over one another. It had a certain charm, he guessed, taking in the decor of signed book covers and hand-painted murals.

“Bambina!” A small italian-looking maitre d' steps from behind the counter and spreads his arms wide as he engulfs Y/N into a hug. “You didn’t tell me you were stopping by tonight.”

“Sorry, Papa. It was last minute. Just in time for the 10:30 rush by the looks of it.”

An infectiously warm smile spreads across his face. “Do you see me complaining? You hardly visit anymore now that you’re running around the world with that guitar. I’m so proud of you,” he adds softly, kissing her forehead. “Look at these boys!” he greets the rest of The Limbs like family, clapping each man on the back with love. “Am I shrinking already, or are all you still growing?”

“Probably a little of both, Dom,” Eddie laughs with the old man.

“And there’s even more, I see,” he inquires, finally noticing Queen.

It was unusual for them not to be the center of attention in any given situation, all of them hanging back except for Freddie, who marches right up to the man and places a kiss on his cheek.

“Freddie Mercury, a dear friend of your Y/N. It’s a pleasure.”

He looks to Y/N suspiciously. “Are they musicians? You know what happened that one time. I had to pry Elaine off of beating that tiny Mickey guy. I’m telling ya, it was ugly.”

“Not Mickey- Mick, Papa. How many times do I have to tell you?” Y/N shushes him, looking a bit embarrassed.

Dom waves his hand at her, “Whoever he is, that kid owes me his life. I expect these ones to behave.”

Roger snorts from the back, “Not very likely.”

“We promise,” Freddie swears. “And might I say, I love the suit. Very dashing,” he adds on for good measure.

“Well, how else do you think I got this job?” Dom smiles at him with a wink. “C’mon,” he gestures for all to follow as he leads them through the narrow restaurant, to a long table in the back. “Enjoy, boys,” he tells them as he heads back to his post up front, kissing Y/N on the cheek before leaving.

“Come sit next to me, my love,” Freddie calls to Y/N, patting the seat beside him. “If any of your other family members are as outrageous as that man, I want to hear all about them.”

The group moves to squish in around the table. Roger silently catches John’s eye and motions to the seat next to Y/N. He quirks his brows at him, confused, but makes his way to sit between them.

Eddie has taken his rightful place next to Brian with Rich in tow, the three already in deep conversation about the current music scene. Lawrence and Roger sit opposite each other, tearing into the bread basket and chatting about the show. Next to Freddie, Steve is eagerly hanging onto every word he says as he chats to Y/N about her upbringing.

“I’m just hoping one day we get to do something like that, man. Our show on Sunday should be a pretty big deal, though,” Lawrence tells Roger.

“Where are you playing? CBGB? The Palladium?” 

“Nah, we’re playing out on the island. Jones Beach.”

“Huh, Long Island. We’ve never been to Long Island before,” Roger ponders, intrigued. “What’s there to do on Long Island?”

“Well, do you like bowling? Strip malls?” Lawrence pauses for effect. “Bowling at strip malls?”

John lightly chuckles. An arm brushes his shoulder, and he moves back slightly as a large woman weaves her hands around Y/N’s shoulders.

“My little Y/N has come back to us! And surrounded by even more devilishly handsome men than usual.”

Y/N turns around in her seat to give the woman a proper hug. “Elaine! It’s been too long.”

“Let me get a good look at you,” she gestures for Y/N to spin as she regards her. “If you need help beating em’ off of ya, I have my bat behind the counter.”

Y/N rolls her eyes, teasingly, “Don’t I know it. I have a vivid childhood memory of you chasing Ron Galella around the dining room with that thing.”

She lets out a larger than life laugh at the memory, patting the young girl on the back. “Oh, those were the good years. So, aren’t you going to introduce me to your new friends?”

“Elaine! I’m hurt you don’t remember our beautiful time together,” Eddie teases her from the table's end.

“Shut it, Eddie,” she reprimands him with a point of her stubby finger.

Y/N turns to the group, spreading her arms wide. “Guys, this is Elaine Kaufman, of Eliane’s, obviously. Elaine, this is Queen.”

She attempts a half-hearted curtsey. “Your majesties. Welcome.”

Before long, Elaine has pulled up a chair as she cracks dirty jokes back and forth with Freddie, which has the rest of the group (and some nearby diners) howling in laughter. Y/N’s now-familiar cackle sends tingles through John’s body once again. She’s more relaxed than he’s previously seen her be. Her hair is tied back in a ponytail, showcasing her broad smile as she looks on fondly, hands waving about whenever she joins in the conversation. Her face is mostly free of makeup and he catches the hint of a dimple on one of her cheeks as she glances over at him to share in a joke.

Freddie gasps as he catches someone entering the front door. “Is that Shirley MacLaine? Slap my ass and call me Sally, that woman does not age.”

“Come with me,” Elaine says, rising from her chair. “I think she’ll like you.”

Food appears without any of them having to order, along with bottles of wine Elaine insisted they’d love. John tentatively takes a bite of one of the dishes set before him.

“Oh god,” he blurts out upon tasting.

Y/N snickers beside him. “Bad, right? I recommend the tortellini if you want something remotely edible.” She pushes a plate towards him, snagging some for herself.

He gulps down water, trying to rid himself of the bland taste. “I would ask why this place is packed, but it seems I’ve already met her.”

“And you would be right. She’s a riot, but I fully blame her for my vulgar vocabulary,” she reveals, taking a giant bite of pasta.

“You and Freddie seem to have that in common.”

Y/N chews slowly as she muses over that sentiment. “That seems to be the only thing we have in common,” she says softly. He cocks his head at her in question.

“It’s just,” she starts, a somber look replacing her previously buoyant one. “Watching him on stage tonight. All of you actually. You seem so free, so comfortable up there. And Freddie is just magnetic, you know that. It’s as if he makes the crowd fall in love with him again and again with every song. I could never do that…”

“I find that quite hard to believe,” he mumbles, continuing on quickly. “Freddie’s a performer. Everything he does up there is for that crowd. Whereas I’m just a musician, I think. It probably helps that I don’t sing. It'll just take some time to find your footing. You don’t have to be both. You don't have to be either for that matter.”

She scoffs lightly, pushing the food around on her plate. “Don’t I? Ever since this all began, I feel like I’m some paper doll or something. People just dress me up and mold me into what they want. And I go right along with it because I don’t even recognize this version of myself if I’m being honest. So I just keep that mask on until I get back home and I can finally breathe. Because then, at least I don’t have to stare at a stranger in the mirror anymore.” 

She breaks out of the daze she fell into while rambling. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t unload on you like this,” she catches herself. “I guess I just had a very different assumption of what my life would look like... I think I'm afraid of losing who I am in all this."

John takes her in, catching glimpses of his former self in her cracks. He itches to soothe her distress. “I can understand,” he tells her sympathetically. “Hell, I thought I was joining a band to play with on the side at uni and look at us now. Sometimes I still feel like I’m leading a double life. I tried to convince myself all this was just a job at first, but I’m sure you’re finding out quickly that’s not always true.”

Y/N looks at him intently, and it’s the first time he truly sees the depth of her eyes. He clears his throat before continuing.

“I've come to learn that the concept of home is a funny thing. For a long time, I held onto the idea of it that I always had for myself, but it’s harder than it looks with what we do,” he sighs, running a hand through his short curls, not wanting to dwell too long on his unpleasent situation back in England. 

“But home can be anything really. It can be people,” he says, glancing at his bandmates. “Or even the stage, which sometimes I think is Freddie’s. Or you can be Roger, and make yourself at home wherever you go.”

They glance over at Rog, who is in the middle of an animated story, waving his glass of wine around as it drips on the tablecloth.

“So all you can do is find whatever that home is and hold onto it the best you can. And it might change, but that doesn't mean you have to," he nudges her shoulder with his.

Y/N smiles down at her lap. “Thank you,” she tells him quietly, still swimming in her own thoughts.

“Of course,” he assures, pausing to breathe- not used to giving long-winded explanations. Nervous that he’s pushed too far, he glances over, catching as her shoulders relax.

The restaurant was mostly cleared out by now, save for a few regulars sitting at the tall wood bar. The staff chats casually amongst themselves as they clean off empty tables for the night. Steve is giving Freddie details of the New York club scene, probably hoping to earn himself an invitation one day. Elaine’s regaling Brian, Eddie, and Rich with a story about two writers and a feud of accused plagiarism. Lawrence and Roger were currently attempting to turn their napkins into amusing hats for each other. John finds himself enjoying the young band's presence, their chaotic energy seeming to match Queen’s dynamic quite well.

The group collectively jumps as the music drastically raises in volume, the intro of Ray Charles’ ‘Hallelujah, I Love Her So’ pouring out.

“Oh god, no,” Y/N groans next to him as the waiters all turn their attention to her. Dom appears beside her with an outstretched hand. “Papa, not now, please.”

“Indulge your grandfather, Y/N,” he winks at her as she reluctantly takes his hand, pulling her to the middle of the room. John’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise as the old man springs to life, twirling his granddaughter around the room with ease. The pure spryness of someone that age was genuinely shocking.

“Oh, this is fabulous!” Freddie laughs as he leans his chin forward on his hands.

And it was. The staff cheers, hinting that this was a familiar routine for them. The rest of The Limbs sing along with the track, watching the two affectionately like old family.

Y/N’s apprehensive look fades away as she gives in to the fun, pure joy flashing across her features as she glides along, following her grandfather in the swing dance rather gracefully. She looks free, John thinks to himself, drinking in the true version of the young woman. She was dazzling as her hair fell messily from her ponytail and her laugh was louder than ever as Dom dips her low to the floor, her body bending with him. If this was home, he could see why she was reluctant to leave it behind.

He’s mesmerized by her every movement. She was still an enigma to him, each detail he pulled from her, just making him hungry for more. 

You shouldn’t. You’re still married. Well, technically. Papers aren’t signed yet.

“Alright, I’m convinced,” Roger shouts at Lawrence. “Looks like we'll have to stop in Long Island.”

- - - - - - -

“Fuck, it’s cold,” Brian announces, burrowing further into his white windbreaker.

The Jones Beach Theater was tucked right up to the shoreline, causing the spray of the Atlantic to chill the air despite the summer heat. John had never seen a venue like it. It’s as if the vast sea acted as an extended backdrop to the stage, reflecting the stars and inky drape of the night.

The crowd didn’t seem to mind at all. They had been brilliant the entire night, singing along to every one of the songs and dancing in full force. It was perfectly clear how proud they were of their hometown heroes.

The Limbs themselves were a sight to behold from the wings of the stage. The energy from the packed seats had bled over, and all 5 members were indeed feeling it. They had been in perfect sync with each other the entire show, and John was certainly amused by their own way of interacting with their audience. It mostly consisted of them hurling humorous insults back and forth to each other in between songs.

Even Y/N seemed to be enjoying herself, despite her confession the other night. She had taken Freddie’s note that he’d given after seeing her dance and was now stepping out from behind the mic stand for her songs. She slinked around the stage effortlessly, interacting with the other members and the crowd, much to their glee.

“Before we say goodnight to you all, we’d like to leave you with a little something,” Rich calls out over the deafening cheers. “A lullaby of sorts from one of our favorites.”

Y/N drags a stool out to the center of the stage as Lawrence begins a somber melody on the keyboard. The audiences erupts in cheers and John recognizes it as a Billy Joel song.

She takes a seat behind the mic as she gazes out over the crowd. The exhilarated face she had been sporting all night was gone, a shade of melancholy in its place now.

Goodnight, my angel, time to close your eyes

And save these questions for another day

I think I know what you’ve been asking me

I think you know what I’ve been trying to say

Her hypnotic voice pierces through the now-silent crowd. The type of voice you immediately feel in your chest, as if it’s personally strumming your heartstrings. No one dares to sing along, afraid they'll miss a moment of her inflection.

I promised I would never leave you

Then you should always know

Wherever you may go, no matter where you are

I never will be far away

The familiar sight of lighters being illuminated flickers through the sea of people before them, casting a hazy glow on the previously faceless patrons. Their peaceful stares fixed on Y/N, entranced as if she was siren of sorts.

Goodnight my angel, now it’s time to dream

And dream how wonderful your life will be

Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby

Then in your heart, there will always be a part of me

Her voice breaks a bit, giving away the glassiness of her eyes. They’re not fixed on the crowd, but instead on the sky beyond them. John watches the panes of her face intently. She wasn’t singing to them, he realizes. This was to herself. Possibly to that image in her mind, she had confided in him, the one she was struggling to leave behind—her piece of home.

Someday we’ll all be gone

But lullabies go on and on

“She’s going to be something else, isn’t she?” Freddie asks, mostly to himself.

They never die

That’s how you and I will be

John watches as a single tear slips off the slope of her nose as she finishes, bowing her head.

“Yeah, I think she is.”

[k-writer1998]

Not Bad, Rookie

Prompt fic: officer! jeongin x detective! reader

fluff

w.c: 2.3k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Waking up to a call about a crime scene was a given with my occupation but it wasn’t appreciated when I was at the station late last night. I’m glad my hair didn’t need much care after I got a boy cut although my bangs have grown to my cheekbones and keep getting in my face. Brushing my hair to the side, I got ready and went to the crime scene. There were already officers around taking photos and numbering the scene but my eyes zeroed in on a particularly cheerful face talking with forensics. The moment he saw me approaching, his face fell a bit.

“I can’t believe we’re stuck being partners again,” He muttered under his breath.

“Well honey. Hate it or not, the universe loves to conspire us together,” I remark sarcastically.

“We are not in the Shakespearean era my guy.”

“I am either “detective” or “y/n” not “my guy” or whatever slang you have up your sleeve.”

      Although I understood why the chief continued to pair us together it didn’t mean I liked it any better than Jeongin did. Yang Jeongin… a fresh-faced officer known for his bright personality and friendly disposition, the complete opposite to my strict personality and blunt words. The chief says to learn from each other but playing nice with people isn’t really my cup of tea so not sure what else I could learn. I give him one thing though, the kid knows how to use his mouth if he doesn’t agree. The crime was a clear break and enter case, multiple stab wounds to the victim’s chest and abdomen, but no signs of robbery. Possibly premeditated… a stalker? Ex-lover? After investigating the crime scene more we headed back to the station.

“I’ll look into people close to the victim, check to see if there are any similar crimes. The scene feels too clean for it not to be a repeat offender.”

“Do y-”

“Y/n the chief wants you in his office.”

      I gave Jeongin a shrug as he let out a defeated sigh and went to do as I asked. When I entered the office both of us gave displeased looks which I don’t know what his was for. 

“Do you remember what you did on the last case?”

“I caught the culprit?”

“While endangering yourself and everyone in the surrounding area.” 

“There was no danger to anyone else other than myself and I had everything under control.”

“You need to stop with this reckless behavior. You’re good at your job but if you make the wrong move you’re not going to be doing it anymore.”

“Sir-”

“Don’t argue with me on this. I talked you out of a transfer today because the higher ups didn’t trust in your methods even if you bring in the bad guy at the end of the day. They’ll be keeping an eye on you so just stick with Jeongin on the case and don’t be reckless.”

“About that, why do you keep partnering me with him? I know you tell me to learn from him but I just don’t get it.”

“You need to stop letting your ego get in the way then. You’re a great detective, do your job and pay attention to the details and you’ll know.” 

      Dang. Okay I do admit that there are times where I’m too rushed in my decisions which may have resulted in minor injuries to myself… and property that one time… With a sigh I sit back at my desk and start working. After going over her personal records, noting contacts, and making calls I realized how late it was. Stretching before cleaning up my stuff, I started to head out but as I headed to the door I noticed a light in the very corner of the room. All I could see was a stack of files and a tuft of black hair peeking from behind it. Who knew there was someone who loses track of time other than me, the others are always teasing me about it. With it already being late I decided to let the person know they should head home soon but then they leaned back in a stretch and the familiar baby face appeared. Jeongin? Is he still working on the task I gave him? Walking up to his desk, I knocked on the shelf behind him.

“It’s late you know.”

“Oh is it?”

“Yeah, everyone else already went home.”

“Couldn’t tell behind all these files,” he awkwardly laughs.

“Do you always stay this late?”

“On occasion yes. I read more into other cases to make up a bit for my lack of experience.”

      His honesty threw me off a bit. We butt heads so much I never realized how honest he is. That on top of his effort to make up for the experience gap… maybe he isn’t bad after all. The air grew tense as neither of us spoke. This was the first time we’ve casually chatted and it wasn’t about work. On instinct my eyes scanned over his desk and noticed a small pile separated from the rest of the stacks.

“What’s that pile over there?” I nodded my head in it’s direction.

“You were right about it being too clean. There are three other cases in the last year with similar set up. Home invasion but no burglary and stab wounds in the victim’s chest and abdomen.”

“Is there a similarity between the victims?”

“Uhm… they’re all low ranked office workers in their twenties, female, short dark hair-”

“Okay, next thing tomorrow we’ll look into if there are mutual contacts among the four and any other connections but for now let’s go home kid.”

      Two weeks passed with reinvestigating the old cases and following leads, some which were dead ends, we were able to single out the culprit and gather enough evidence to convict him. Our investigation, no matter how careful we were, came around to him and spooked him so he hasn’t been around his home or work though for the arrest. We were currently discussing how to arrest him… well more of arguing. Let me be clear though in those two weeks investigating Jeongin and I had gotten to a pleasant place in our partnership. Once I stopped the superiority thing in my head, he was a smart kid who worked in a less direct, and at times more effective, way. He still talked back a lot but they were valid points he brought up when countering my probable bad choice of rushed decision making. Currently we were arguing over me being the bait.

“This is the best option, I check off all of the killer’s preferences.”

“But he’s jumpy right now, he knows we’re on his tail. You don’t know what he is willing to do to not get caught plus he’ll be careful about his marks.”

“I’m a trained officer Jeongin, plus you and several other officers will be in there to cover me.”

“It’s a crowded place though, it’s easier for him to take a hostage and it’s a possibility that we can’t get to you on time or might lose you.”

“Okay we obviously aren’t getting anywhere with this. Let’s flip a coin fair and square to decide cause neither of us will let up.”

“... fine.”

      He begrudgingly agreed and I pulled out a coin. I told him to call it and he said heads, oh Jeongin. I’m sorry for tricking you but you’re also at fault for being naïve enough to believe I wasn’t stubborn enough to force my way. I purposely flipped the coin in a way where it was sure to land on tails.

“There, no more arguments. I go in.”

“What if something goes wrong?”

“I trust that you won’t let that happen kid.”

“I’m only a year younger than you,” he rolls his eyes.

“With that attitude, you got some ways to go before I stop calling you kid.”

      Too many bodies, drunk people, and music so loud I can’t even hear my thoughts. If this wasn’t the killer’s main hunting ground I wouldn’t be in this club right now, not my scene. At the bar I grabbed a drink and turned to scan the crowd, pinpointing each officer and Jeongin in the crowd. I ran a bored hand through my hair as a guy tried to hit on me until I caught sight of my target at the entrance. As he travelled through the crowd he kept his eyes trained on me and I was thankful for my friend for lending me this maroon off the shoulder top and leather jeans because I owned nothing that was similar to the victims’ styles.  Before he reached me I nodded at Jeongin before facing the bartender with a smile as the killer pulled up beside me. We started talking and everything was going according to plan until the killer leaned in to speak to me.

“How about we take this outside?”

“Wow forward aren’t we?”

“You can say that.”

      Suddenly the tables turned as I felt something cold poking at my side. Instinctively my body wanted to jerk away but his arm had wrapped around my waist, holding me close to him and the weapon. 

“Ah, ah, ah. Don’t want to cause a scene now do we? Let’s head out now.”

      Shit. My eyes caught with Jeongin’s whose eyebrows were furrowed as he saw us starting to move out. I used my eyes to signal him to follow but then the killer was pulling me through the crowd and my focus had to go back to avoiding the mass of people. My eyes tried to scan the crowd for any familiar faces but there were too many people and the killer was purposefully pulling me through the most crowded parts of the club. By the time we reached the street there were no signs of the others coming. He pulled me to the left, continuing down the road until we reached an off road where a car with a small group of burly men waited. One opened the door and the killer moved towards it but stopped short as he addressed me again.

“So Ms. Officer are you disappointed I caught you?”

“Surprisingly not really but how’d you know?”

“Your hands. They’re too rough and most women who work in offices are very careful with their hands.”

“Valid but insulting.”

      He pushed me into one of the burly men who locked his hold on me as the killer got in the car, the whole time the gun still trained on me. The door closed and the window rolled down to show the killer’s face once again. Of course he has to get the last word, typical villain but what did I expect when he hired bodyguards? I rolled my eyes.

“I believe this is a checkmate,” he turned to the guard, “make sure she doesn’t follow.”

      And with that the car drove off leaving me with two of the guards flanking me. I struggled against them as they tried to pull me away from din on the main road. I didn’t have my gun and I wouldn’t be able to take both of them like this so I did the next best thing. I screamed. It was a short lived one, because the man holding me clamped his hand over my mouth, but hopefully it would be enough to draw eyes so they can’t do anything. The next thing I knew I heard the fall of footsteps and one guard was rammed into by Jeongin before I saw his arm wind back. Instinctually I ducked right as his fist connected with the other one’s jaw, loosening his hold enough on me to be ripped free by Jeongin who started running… deeper into the abandoned street?

“What are you doing? You have your gun, why are we running?”

“We’re still too close to the crowded street; we'll corner them further away.”

      I… he was right so I continued to keep pace, cursing the fact of these stupid heels slowing me down. We turned a corner into an alley and I grabbed his comms to let the others know the killer got away in a black sedan and gave them the license plate number. As I finished giving the rest of the orders the two men barreled in and Jeongin pointed his gun at the two. Back up showed up and the two men were sent to the station. There was no pin on the car yet, leaving me and Jeongin to be sent home by the chief while everything else gets handled. As we walked back to the main road I couldn’t help but smile.

“Why are you smiling? If I wasn’t there to get you out of it you would’ve been in trouble with those two guys.”

“Cause I was right. I said I trust you would get me out of it and you did but I didn’t think you would go after us alone.”

“I didn’t. I sent the other officers to the right since it led to the main road and there was more ground to cover but a gut feeling told me to go left. The others are right when they say you’re reckless you know.”

“Smart move to send the bigger group to the more crowded area. Not bad, rookie but I hope you can deal with reckless. I heard the chief is making permanent partners so I guess you're stuck with me now Jeongin.”

      My smile grew bigger as he froze for a moment taking in my response, what can I say? He’s grown on me and if we’re to be stuck together might as well address him properly. I took that time to put distance between us but I could hear his footsteps fall after me as he called after me, the happiness evident in his tone.

“So I’m finally not “kid” anymore?! Y/n wait, say it again!”

[hs-devote]

11. M A N C H E S T E R

Moodboard // Content // Masterlist

Disclaimer:

All characters and situation in this story are fictitious. Resemblance to any person living or dead is only God knows.

Previous chapter: She bit her lip before her finger pulled his cross necklace – made him pulled towards her. Their lips were an only mere inch apart. Knowing his eyes were fixated on her, Y/N chose to play with his cross pendant. She whimpered when he kissed her again, teasing her soft lips with his tip tongue before barged into her mouth. She was hesitant in the beginning yet she kissed him back, tried to make herself comfortable with Marcel. After all, he was part of Harry. They couldn’t be separated. They couldn’t yet be separated.

11. MANCHESTER Not many people occupied seats in first-class, only them and one small family at the end of the car. The train would leave to Manchester in fifteen minutes, yet it seemed like the other passengers have got inside, packed the standard one.

Harry and Y/N were heading to his hometown to celebrate his birthday tomorrow. She was so excited to come to Manchester since this was her first time to be there. Besides, this short getaway would help refresh her mind from work life. Y/N heard from Anne that she invited a few relatives to have lunch together at The Styles’ home. She was ecstatic because her son finally would spend his birthday with family after years of always celebrating with friends or former lovers.

“It’s still two hours and a half until we get to Manchester, so you can catch your sleep time. I’m sorry I chose the earliest departure.” Harry said after the train began to move, leaving the Euston Station behind. Y/N took a glance to her watch, showing a little after seven.

“No, it’s fine.” She shrugged, “Tell me, what do you expect for your birthday party? Your mum will throw a birthday bash since it’s like the first time you celebrate your birthday in hometown.”

“Did she tell you that?” he snickered, “Let me tell you something; The Styles family is like any other families. They love to tease, so don’t be surprised.” He added, “But, I prefer fewer people... to be honest.”

Y/N frowned a bit, “Why? They didn’t bully you, did them?”

“No! It’s nothing like that. I do love the Styles, but their love towards me and my mum sometimes overwhelmed me. I’m not used to it. Only Clementia and my step-dad made me get used to it.”

Her smile faltered, didn’t expect Harry would say that. She understood, even though Harry had been a part of the Styles family for years, he still had an insecure side of himself. He was a grown man, but deep down in his heart, he was still a little boy.

“How about Clementia? Will she come?” she changed the subject, avoiding the sensitive topics. She didn’t want him to have a meltdown right now.

“She didn’t promise me to come. Her uni schedule is packed, so I understand if she can’t make it.”

“I would the same if I was her.” She nodded, “I can’t wait to arrive.”

Y/N didn’t aware she fell asleep most of the journey, Harry woke her up when the train had arrived in Piccadilly. She rubbed her tired eyes before straightened her posture a bit, looking out at the window. Most of the people had left the train with their suitcases, only them were still in the seats. She sighed lazily, too lazy to move from her spot. She was already too comfortable so it made her a little unwilling to get up. Seeing his lover reluctant to move, Harry affectionally kissed her eyes. Urging her to get up before helped her to stand while he got their luggage.

“Is someone picking us up? Or will you drive?” asked Y/N when they were in arrival hall. Lots of people passed by. Her eyes found a group of tourist were looking at maps, or families who were on holiday, a group of friends, even some couples were clinging to each other.

“My mum asked–”

“Harry!”

Y/N snapped her head to the sound called for her boyfriend. From the distance, she saw Lucas was walking to them. His big grin plastered on his face, with blonde curls bouncing from the way he walked, his sunglasses perched on top of his head kept his hair from blocking eyesight.

“My mum asked Lucas to pick us up.” Harry finished his word, smiling apologetically to her.

“Oh, hi love! How are you?” Lucas asked her once he stopped in front of them. He was Harry’s cousin, working for him for the Manchester office if she didn’t wrong – in case you forgot. It had been ages since she saw him the last time. His hair was longer than she remembered, yet he still had this teasing look on his face that she didn’t forget. His blue eyes reminded her of Niall.

Why almost all of Harry’s friend had this mesmerising blue eyes? First Niall, and now Lucas. The man loves blue-eyed mates, does he? – her inner goddess ogled

She smiled, “Lucas, right? I’m fine.”

“Told you! You got this woman right away.” Lucas winked at Harry, made him rolled his eyes. Y/N just shook her head knowing how blatantly Lucas was.

“Missed you to, mate! How are you? How’s the office?” Harry sarcastically asked his cousin. Lucas just snaggered, “It’s not the right time for talking about work, okay? Let me get your luggage and go to your home.”

Lucas asked Y/N’s permission to take her luggage, ignoring Harry who was carrying his. He rolled his eyes watching how sweet his cousin to his girlfriend. His cousin always looked for attention to women, but this was the first time he had been kind to Harry’s girlfriend. Before, Lucas was a little mean to Harry’s ex-girlfriend since they weren’t nice to him. While Harry grumbled over how his cousin took Y/N’s attention away from him, she was allowing Lucas to help with her luggage.

“I’ll lead the way in the front since I know you guys will all lovey-dovey behind me.”

“That’s Lucas if you want to know him well. He’s twenty-four but acts like four.” Harry mumbled, placing his arms behind her back, guide her to follow his cousin. Y/N glanced over the man in front of her. Lucas was tall as Harry, but he was thinner than her boyfriend making him look taller.

“I heard you, cousin.” Lucas shouted from the front.

“Fuck off, cousin. You're supposed to be our butler, so... don't interfere with your master's business.” Harry rolled his eyes. Once they arrived in a parking lot, Lucas helped them to load their luggage into his car trunk. They didn’t bring much stuff since it was only a two days trip.

“How nice,” Harry mumbled after his cousin opened the door for them. Y/N climbed first on the backseat and he followed soon.

“The trip will take around thirty minutes. If you want to stop by anywhere, let me know.” Lucas announced after he took the driver seat, while his hand adjusting the rear-view mirror. “My car doesn't have a partition, so please behave appropriately.”

“What does that mean?” Y/N asked while fastened her safety belt, looking at both the men.

“I'm fine with holding hands and little kisses here and there, but just a little of weird sound you made – I'll strike in place.”

Y/N face heated after realising what he meant. She immediately averted her eyes through the window while holding her temple. Lucas let out an inaudible laugh as he turned on the engine, stirred the wheel and drove away. The road was surprisingly empty considering it was weekend. They hardly found any traffic that afternoon.

“Nice car, mate.” Harry hummed, his eyes looked straight into the open road in front of him. His hands sneakily took Y/N's hand to him, interlocking their fingers together. Even though she had been busy looking at the road, Y/N couldn’t help her smile. Her fingertips caressed his knuckle still with eyes fixated through the window.

“I know, this Jeep Compass really made me drool over her when I was looking at the brochure.” He shrugged while his hand shifting the gear, making the car drove faster the next moment. “So, is this your first time meeting Anne, Y/N? I mean, Harry's mum?”

“I met her once in Harry's house.” Y/N nodded, “So, no. This is my second time meeting in person.”

“Are you nervous?” Lucas asked once again, his eyes sometimes looked at her through the mirror above. He had been watching their gestures but didn't say anything. He saw how Harry showed his affection even though just a little. The man made sure Y/N's hands still on his grasp, like not wanting to let go one bit as if he made sure that she was under his supervision.

“That's a lie if I say no.”

“Good then.” He smiled, “You won't only meet Anne, but you'll meet our entire family.”

“Thank you for making me anxious, Lucas.” She muttered under her breath, “I appreciate that.”

“Just breath. They will love you. Everything's gonna be okay.” Harry chimed in, smiling sweetly to her. He raised his palms to rub her head, rolled his eyes of the way Lucas was winking at him from the mirror. He didn't know what they were planning, he just hoped it wasn't going too much. The car began to leave the city centre and entered a fairly quiet neighbourhood area. Lots of trees along the road made the environment beautiful. There weren't many houses there, yet every building had stone walls and gate surrounded their homes, protecting from the curious eyes.

Lucas stopped his car in front of the wooden gate, not too high but still made the building inside not visible. After punching some codes, the gate automatically opened. One thing that flashed in Y/N's mind after the car entering the driveaway; this house was very pretty. Besides, the house was also far from the city hustle, an ideal location for a home.

“Welcome to Anne's house.” Lucas smiled, “Welcome home, Harry.”

Y/N took her time to admire the house once she climbed out of the car. The country style house was rich with cream coloured walls, with brown decorated here and there. Trees loomed in the front yard. The approach was via gated entrance giving access to the driveway leading to a parking courtyard and integral garage. There were small stone steps that connected the yard to the main entrance. On the left side, there was a footpath leading to the back.

“C'mon, darling.” Harry said behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulder. “Let's get inside while our butler helps with the luggage.”

He smirked, a mocking smile plastered on his face to his cousin who was standing behind them, ready to open the trunk. Y/N swatted his hand playfully, shaking his head. Lucas grinned, seeing Y/N looked like want to defend him. Yet he snorted at the realisation; she was also teasing him.

“Don't forget to give him some cash. He did a good job of taking care of our luggage.” She giggled. Harry laughed at her joke before escort her to the inside, leaving the blonde man alone. Once they got into the kitchen, their eyes caught Anne who was standing in front of the oven with hands covered with gloves. She hadn’t noticed the arrival of the two of them, still busy preparing the lunch. When Harry faked his cough, Anne just turned around.

“Hi, mum!”

Anne snapped her neck instantly, looking at her son standing in the corner with his girlfriend in his arms. She hastily took off her gloves, sprinting to her son – pulled him in her embrace. Harry's hand let go of Y/N's to hug his mother. Y/N didn’t deny Anne’s eyes was sparkling in happiness like it was the first time to meet them. And she understood since the mother and son rarely met because of their busy schedule.

“You're home!” she laughed, cupping her son's cheeks. “I'm so happy!”

“Mum, I was here at Christmas.” Harry chuckled, “But it's nice to be back.”

“Two months is long if your son isn’t home, darling.” Anne smiled, hands tidied up his hair. A typical mother would do if it was her first time met her child after being separated for years. Harry sheepishly whined because his girlfriend was standing next to him, watching the encounter. It took Anne a few seconds before noticed another figure in his hand. Still with the warm smile, she hugged Y/N tightly. Y/N, of course, happily returned her hug.

“How's your journey, darling?” she inquired, hands gripping Y/N's arms softly. The way Harry’s mother smile with her pearly white teeth made her feel so eagerly awaited. Her maternal aura made Y/N so comfortable to be around although she didn’t deny that sometimes felt intimidated by her boyfriend’s mother. Yes, Anne was very nice but she could feel the older woman was so protective over her only son.

“It was very pleasurable. I was able to sleep on the train so I wasn’t very tired.” She answered, “I love it here already. And your house is so beautiful.”

The twinkle in Anne's eyes got brighter, she smiled showing her perfect teeth while pinching her nose. “That’s good then. And oh, Harry, why don't you take her around the house? I’ll let you know when lunch is ready.”

“Sure. Let's go, baby.”

Anne's house was massive. The house had four floors with lower ground leisure suite including swimming pool and gym. It had six bedrooms and five bathrooms over the upper two floors while the ground floor, which they were standing on right now, focused on family/living rooms and kitchen with the dining room. The backyard was quite wide if they wanted to house a party, she also had a garden path for her plants and a small pond at the end. Y/N just found out that Anne loved farming and was thinking of turning half their backyard into a small farm. While Harry was showing his girlfriend his childhood house, Lucas helped them to put their luggage on the first floor where their room was located. They were using Harry's old bedroom at the far end.

“Why does your mum living alone in a big house like this? She must feel lonely.” Y/N asked when Harry led them to the backyard again. The couple took a seat in the terrace overlooking the open green field.

“I once asked her to move in with me in London but she refused. This house has too memorable to leave.” He answered, “I also think that way. This is where I grew up and became a better person. We couldn't leave the memories with my step-dad. Besides, Clementia would be upset if we leave this house.”

“My aunts and cousins like to come to keep my mum's company. Sometimes they stay a few days because according to them, this is one of their holiday options. They love the environment and greenery.” He added. “Also, my mum has a maid to help her with the house. So, she's not really alone.”

“Must be nice to live in this house,” she murmured, “feels so homey and far from the downtown.”

Harry just silent while sometimes stole a glance at his girlfriend who was staring far ahead. She enjoyed the view although it was just an empty backyard – that would later be full because of his birthday tomorrow. He shook his head while chuckling as if remembering they would celebrate his birthday like when he was little. Well, honestly little Harry never had a birthday party. But, when he became a Styles, Igor threw one for his fourteenth birthday.

“Am I bothering you, guys? The lunch is ready.”

Anne appeared behind them, still wearing her apron. Y/N was the first one who turned her body, walking to her.

“No, no. You're not.” She smiled, “Can I help you something? I feel bad if I can’t help you anything.”

“Don't worry darling. Everything is done. Let's eat. Lucas already took his spot in the dining table.” Anne took Y/N's hand, bring the girl inside. Harry walked behind, followed them to the dining room. From their behind, Harry could see the way his mother and girlfriend getting along. Laughing at something he didn’t understand. He broke a smile, this was a good sign his mother agreed of the woman he brought home. In his previous relationship, Harry only introduced his mother and girlfriend at each other, nothing more. Didn’t take this far step, bringing her home and introduced the woman who stole his heart to his extended family.

He rolled his eyes when found Lucas had eaten before the host – with joking manner of course. Not surprising to see his cousin was comfortable to lurking around his mother’s house like his own house since Harry frequently asked him to visit Anne to check on her.

“Such an impolite to start eating before your master.” Harry scoffed jokingly when his cousin was chewing his food.

“That's because you're not feeding me, my lord.” Lucas shot back, shrugging his shoulders before aimed a spoonful to his mouth. Anne shook her head watching her son and nephew attacking each other, she ignored them and sat on her seat right away.

“My job is not feeding a slave.”

“Harry.” Anne widened her eyes, shaking her head to his son. She did know it was just banter but that was a little rude.

“But this slave, my lord, defended by your dear mother.”

“In the meantime, remind me to make a potion so your poison in her could disappear.”

“Harry.” This time Y/N was the one who rebuked him. Her head tilted sideways with eyebrows arched at her boyfriend.

“It's a shame you need your lady to defend you, my lord.” Lucas laughed. Y/N could feel Harry got tense instantly, and she knew what would happen if she didn't try to clear the situation. Yes, what Lucas said was just a joke, but he didn't know the thing.

“That doesn't mean you can keep mock him, Lucas. Grow up already.” She said softly, her palm under the table rubbed Harry's thigh. She didn't need to be told Harry was glancing at her from the side, yet she was relieved when Harry had his hand over hers. A small gesture like this that always touched Harry’s heart, very simple but the effect was overwhelming for him. He smiled faintly while his fingertips stroking her knuckles.

“I'm sorry, Anne.” Y/N smiled apologetically at Anne, “I didn't mean to caused chaos.”

“It's all right, sweetheart. If you didn't stop them, they would go for another hour.” Anne waved her hand, “Don't be sorry. Sometimes these boys need someone to snap their words.”

“That knocked my sense that Harry will be twenty-six tomorrow yet he's still a boy.”

“He's still your baby boy, Anne. No matter what.” Y/N told her, yet her eyes were on her lover. Harry just grinned, his finger caressing her thumb. They didn't know that both Anne and Lucas been watching them. Harry mouthed a thank you to her with his dimples clearly visible from the way he smiled broadly. His bunny teeth made him look even cuter. Anne didn't know what her son thanked her for, but whatever it was, she was happy to see Harry could smile so brightly. She had never seen Harry smile so wide like that even when he was with his former lovers. In this current relationship, he was bright and radiant. More than the last time Anne saw him.

They continued eating in silence. Y/N helped Anne to do the dishes while the boys cleaned up the dining table afterwards.

“See, the boys are fine with each other now.” Anne voiced, “They are always like that since their childhood. At the end of the day, they will make up again. Lucas is a good person. He was the first family to approach Harry when we were introduced to the extent of Styles family.”

She stopped wiping the plate all of a sudden, as if aware of something. Slowly, she turned her head at Y/N who was standing next to her. “Excuse me, but.. did you know that me and Harry– ”

“I knew the story, Anne. Harry told me everything.” Y/N interjected, “It was fortunate that you and Harry finally found the safe place. You and him deserve better and I guess God really bless you both.”

“And I guess God really loves Harry.” Anne uttered a soft murmur, “Because, he blesses him with someone like you.”

“If I'm being honest, Harry is on the happiest stage in his life right now. And I can see, why.” She added, “And I thank you for that. You made my Harry happier than before.”

Y/N chuckled, her thumb wiping her now glossy eyes. “Why do I want to cry now?”

“Ooh, sweetheart.” Anne took her petite body in a big hug, “I'm the one who should be crying now. And I trust him to you, Y/N. Promise me to always keep him happy.”

Anne smiled when she felt Y/N nodded in her shoulder, “Always, Anne.” . . . .

The families began to arrive when the sun started to fall from its peak. Lucas mother, Karen, was the last person to come with her daughter when it was dark. Harry didn't know why his mother invited almost all their families to had a sleepover for his birthday. Well, technically it was just Lucas with his mother and sister, his grandparents, and his pregnant cousin with her husband and their three-year-old daughter.

Y/N got along really well with all of them, especially with Lisa – his preggo cousin and Lucy, her baby girl. During the dinner, Lucy always hots on her tail wherever she walked. Harry was a little jealous because his girlfriend was stolen by his niece, but he couldn't do much.

“Lucy, baby. Leave aunty Y/N alone. Do you see uncle Hawwy is sad?” Lisa cooed from her seat, her hand holding her seven months baby bump. Everyone chuckled in response, but Lucy didn't budge. She still playing with Y/N's hands while sitting in her lap.

“Hey, Lu. You didn't miss me, did you?” Harry tried to talk to her. Lucy shook her head, made him sigh in relent.

“Fine then. You're not allowed to kiss me.” He rolled his eyes, folding his arms together. He cracked a small smile when he felt Lucy crawled to him. Her tiny chubby leg pressing his thigh while the other one still on Y/N's lap.

“Kissy!” Lucy shouted, stretching her hands for Harry to pick her up. Everyone laughed as Harry grasped her armpit, took her from Y/N. Lucy grumbled happily while her tiny palms scratched his jaw, then laughing hysterically when Harry snuggled her soft neck.

“Everyone loves Harry.” Lucas spoke, the rest of the family nodded their head in agreement. Lucy pouted her lips, waiting for Harry to kiss her.

“Because I'm irresistible, Lucas.” Harry said smugly before landed a smooch on Lucy's tiny lips. The little girl snuggled into him, yet her eyes peeked on Y/N who was sat next to him. Y/N playfully waved her hands to her, made Lucy babbled as she buried her face in Harry’s neck in shy.

“Yeah, I can't wait for my son to get too attached to you, Harry.” Thomas, Lucy's father, responded to him. “But I'll keep my eyes on him once he's born. I won't let you make my children love you more than me.” He added with a mocking smile.

“Everyone, girls and boys, can't resist my charm, Thomas. Don't forget that.” Harry shrugged, his large palm rubbing Lucy's back with her head resting on his shoulder.

“No, daddy. Uncle Hawwy is love!” Lucy yelled quietly. Everyone awwed in response, while Thomas just shaking his head. Harry stuck out his tongue in mockery, “See?”

“I can't wait to see Harry someday with his own children.” His granny snickered, “He absolutely will spoil his children too much. I don't doubt that.”

“I can see that.” His grandfather nodded, “He's very good with kids.”

Harry felt the weight on his torso increased, he beamed at how Lucy fell asleep on his stomach. Carefully, he carried the child and took her to her parents' room. Thomas and Lisa thanked him for that. When Harry returned to the family room, he saw his girlfriend was chatting with Mandy, Lucas' younger sister. Only him, Y/N, Mandy, and Lucas left since the elderly already went to the bed. It was a little after ten, no wonder why the youngster still gathered.

“Harry, is Clementia coming tomorrow? ” Mandy asked him once he took the empty seat next to Y/N.

“Unfortunately, no. This is her project week so she can't leave her school.” Harry shook his head, “But I think she will Facetime me tomorrow.”

“Harry, do you fancy a late workout? I haven't been to the gym for a long time.” Lucas offered after sipping his water. Harry seemed to think before accepting his offer, “Sure. I'll be down in ten minutes.”

Harry stood up from his seat, went to his bedroom upstairs to change his clothes. Yet Lucas still on his place, not move any muscles.

“You needn't change clothes?” Mandy was eyeing her brother up and down whilst asked him a question, “Your PJ will be drenched on sweat.”

“I can wear whatever I want, darling.”

“Why aren't you changing clothes, Lucas?” Harry's voice was heard after five minutes disappeared when he jogged down the stairs. He wore a white tank with black training shorts. His curls were pinned by a pink hair clip.

“Yes, yes I will change, father.” Lucas mocked him, headed to his bedroom to change. Mandy rolled her eyes before took the tv remote and switching the channel she liked, her hands were busy digging into her chips bag.

Took the vacant seat next to his girlfriend, Harry swirled her strands. “If you want to join, you're more than welcome, darling. I'll be in the gym.”

“Maybe I’ll come if I’m bored.”

“Okay then.” Harry just nodded, patting her head before joined Lucas who was waiting for him at the end of the stairs.

“Why do they like to workout at this time? It's like multiple times I've seen them practice at midnight.” Mandy mumbled to herself, but Y/N heard what she just said. Although the television was on, her voice was quite audible since there were only two of them there.

“Oh. They love to do the late workout?” Y/N frowned, it was the first time she saw Harry work out late. She and Harry always had a morning gym session, but he never had a late session like this.

“I think it's because they have a companion to do that.” Mandy told her, “Has Harry ever do the late workout when he was with you?”

“No, we always do in the morning.” She bit her lip, “Maybe he never ask me because he thinks I don't like working out at night.”

The sixteen-year-old girl just nodded her head, “Have you met Clementia?”

“Yes, I met her when she was visiting Harry a few months ago. Been a long time. Too bad she couldn't come.”

“Yeah, too bad she's in Italy for school. But good for her, if I was her, I would be over the moon for studying abroad.” She sighed, “Unfortunately, Lucas won't allow me if I have the chance. Plus, my parents also don't want me to go to uni to far from home.”

“Why is that?”

“Because..” She stopped, “I don't know, but maybe I can persuade them someday. Lucky for Cece, she has the most supportive brother ever.”

“If you can get the scholarship too, it will be plus point for study abroad.”

“Yeah, that's why I have to try extra hard.” Mandy agreed, “Well, I want to go to bed. Good night, Y/N.”

“Night, Mandy.”

Mandy threw her small wave before she went upstairs to her room. Y/N didn't what to do, she hadn't been sleepy due to the nap she took after lunch. Yet, being alone here made her uncomfortable. Called her clingy but she didn’t want to go bed without Harry.

Maybe went to see Harry in the gym wouldn't bad. – Her inner goddess patted her chin.

Rose her body up, Y/N let her legs took her to the gym in the lower ground. Through the big glass door, she saw Lucas on the treadmill while Harry was sweating under the Lat pull-down machines. His thin tanktop drenched, showing his inked tattoo beneath. His veins popped due to how strong he pulled, his bulging muscles looked so tense yet relaxed. Both of the men didn't aware of her arrival.

She gulped when his shoulder, biceps, and back muscles were forming every time he tugged the grip down. His rigid jaw looked sharper when he clenched his teeth. Y/N admitted that she was slightly aroused when sweat dripping on him. She had to go before her wetness down there getting worse. The best choice for her right now was to go to bed immediately, even though without Harry.

After cleaned up herself and changing her clothes, Y/N unzipped her bag and pulled out a small black box – putting it inside the nightstand. She planned to give her present to Harry when he woke up tomorrow morning. Laying down onto the bed, she pulled the comforter and shut her eyes closed. She tried to fall asleep with a smile formed on her face, couldn't wait for Harry's birthday tomorrow.

But, Y/N seemed too excited that made her couldn't sleep. She just tossed around the bed, tried to find a good position to sleep. She didn't realise she kept tossing around for an hour. She was exhausted and wanted to sleep, but her eyes wouldn't allow it yet. She heard the door being opened thirty minutes later. Someone entered her and Harry's bedroom and closed the door after.

“Hey, why haven't you fallen asleep yet?” Harry inquired after Y/N pushed the comforter and leaned against the headboard.

“I couldn't sleep.” She shrugged, “I'm exhausted but my eyes won't comply with my body.”

“Maybe because you're already used to sleep cuddling with me.”

“You're such narcissistic.” She rolled her eyes playfully, “Clean your body and go to sleep with me.”

“Now, who said I was narcissistic earlier?” he joked before vanished into the bathroom. Y/N shook her head as she lay down to the bed before jolted right away, her brain suddenly remembered something. Her hand grabbed her phone on the nightstand beside the bed, unlocking the device. The screen light blinded her eyes for a moment, contrary to the dimmed lights on the room. It showed 00.15 am on February 1st. Her boyfriend was officially getting older today.

Grinning, she propped herself up with her elbow, opened the drawer to get the present and hit it under the pillow.

Harry exited the bathroom thirty minutes later. His upper body was half dry with the towel wrapped around his hips to the knees. Y/N bit her lips when Harry dropped the thick fabric until it pooled down to his feet caused his bare bum was facing her. Her eyes raked his body up and down. Sometimes she forgot his backside body was almost naked from the tattoos except for his left arms. His shoulders which had looked tense before, were relaxed now. His back was so soft, but when he was stretching, the muscles formed in its mighty. The waist, the tiny waist... she couldn't believe him when he told her he wore size 26 in jeans. His waist was tiny yet his body was broad. And the last, his bum looked normal. Yet, if he wore tight pants, his bum was very full and rounded.

Stop drooling over him you horny girl! her inner goddess scoffed.

Y/N blinked her eyes at the same time Harry wore his boxer. He threw the towel in the basket before joining her in bed.

“Happy birthday, H.” Y/N gave him a small smile, her hands fumbling together in her lap.

“Oh, it's February already?” he rose his eyebrow before checking his phone. He cackled as his phone screen showing his birth date, “I'm getting a year older now.”

“Come here, birthday boy.” Said her, with both arms wide open. He happily brought his body to her, swayed their bodies back and forth. Harry felt Y/N showering his neck with kisses while muttering some birthday wishes. Her hand rubbed his back while the other one stroking his hair.

“I wish that you'll always be happy.” She hummed on his shoulder, feeling Harry's arms cradled her weight; carried her to his lap.

“I'll be happy if you're happy too, darling.” He reacted in a cheesy way. Y/N couldn't help but laugh, her eyes were slightly teary but she wiped them off. She was a little emotional because he sure looked happy, yet in her heart there was a little sense of sadness, because every day he was always staked out by the shadow of anger that could change him in the blink of an eyes.

“Okay, I got you a present.” She sniffled as she let go of his arms. Her hand took something that had been prepared under her pillow.

“I know you like to keep some accessories and pieces of jewellery.” She rambled, placing the small box on his hand. “I hope you like it.”

“What is it?” he smiled, shaking the box next to his ear. But she just shook her head; asked him to open it. Harry carefully lifted the lid, his eyes slightly widened with eyebrows furrowed together. Meanwhile, his girlfriend in front of him squeezed her hands together, she couldn't take his expression. She just wished Harry liked her present.

“This is so beautiful.” He mumbled, take it out from the cushion carefully. In his hand, rested a black crucifix necklace. The material was stainless steel yet it was light.

“You have a few rings but you only have one cross necklace, so I thought it would be a friend of your cross one.” She shrugged, “It helps you remember that you're not alone, H.”

“Thank you so much. This is very thoughtful. I love it.” He declared, “Want to help me with this?”

Y/N picked the necklace and asked him to turn around. He did as she said, lowered his head a little. Harry had his eyes set on the crucifix pendant which was now hanging right on his chest, joining the silver cross one.

“Perfect” She stated after she made sure the hook was perfectly attached. Harry whirled and cupped her face with his right palm while his left slipped behind her neck, molded their lips together. Their kiss was soft, yet ravishing. He gently laid her down until her back hit the bed. Their collided lips getting more aggressive and passionate when he crawled over her. Her body was locked by his, she was small compared to him but sometimes her strength was strong enough to flip his body and sat on top of him.

She moaned when he kneaded her breast before he took off her camisole. Harry smirked as his eyes stared at her tense nipples hungrily. He wasted no time to latch on her, sucking her bud as he twirled his tongue on it.

“Oh!” Y/N cried over the sensation, her fingers tugged his roots, ruffled them messily. Her panted breath made her chest and of course her breast rose up and down. Harry hastily pressed her stomach down with his palms.

“Are we really going to have sex with Jesus watching us?” she laughed, tugging his necklace.

“Let's just pretend our sex would be blessed.” He whispered, “I mean.. I have a cross on me before and we always succeded our sex activities.”

“Now we're talking about God and sex.” Y/N shook her head jokingly.

“Because that's the definition of sin.” Harry added before kissed her again. Y/N wrapped her legs around his tiny waist while her hand buried in his thick hair. She sighed in pleasure while Harry sucked her neck, adorned her skin with his lovebite.

Up all night they spent with sex, worshipping each other's bodies. They didn't care if their moans or scream being heard all over the house. Their bedroom was very at the end, secluded from other rooms. In his mind, Harry praised himself in choosing a room here. Aside from this room was indeed his old bedroom, this was the most spacious after his mother's bedroom. This room also had a big window and he liked the view outside.

“Harry..”

Every moan Y/N let out that night made his lust getting higher and higher. And he’d always knew they could go for a few rounds later.

. .

Please excuse some errors. Chat me here!

[dreamsofnude]

An Ode to a Past Love

This is the hardest thing I will ever write.

It started a little more than six years ago. I met you at a concert in Philadelphia. I didn’t think much of you then. You followed me around all day with those big blue eyes and I thought nothing of it. You annoyed me actually.

You were persistent, and I liked that about you. You annoyed me, but you had so many traits that I admired. You were easy to talk to. You were kind. You knew how to make me laugh. We shared similar interests and values. But of course, you were just a friend.

Your entire existence conflicted with what I wanted in life; with who I wanted in life. You were wild and had experienced so much in just 18 years. You didn’t want to settle. I was 19 and in my first year of college, and didn’t know what my future held. I had a very clear idea in my head of the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You weren’t it.

You were always persistent. Despite how busy I was working and going to class, day after day we would text, talk on the phone, Facetime, send each other Tweets, and so on. There was never a time where we weren’t connected. I loved to hate that about us.

I turned 20 and decided I wanted an adventure. You were in bootcamp in North Chicago and I suggested that I would come visit. I had never traveled on my own. You agreed, and we made arrangements. Little did I know, that this would be the trip that ruined me forever.

I got on the plane, full of excitement and butterflies. I didn’t know why I was feeling them. I was just going to visit a friend; nothing major. We were going to meet downtown at Ogilvie Station. I got lost trying to find it. When I first saw you exit the train platform doors, we ran up toward one another and embraced each other with a force and closeness I had never felt — and that is when my life changed.

I didn’t know what was in store for us. I didn’t know that our first kiss was going to be on the top of the ferris wheel at Navy Pier that night. I didn’t know that we would spend the evening tangled in that hotel room bed. I didn’t know what was happening, and honestly, I didn’t care. I was happy. For once in my life, I felt happy.

I went back to Pennsylvania, and you went back to bootcamp. You got assigned to be in San Diego a month later. The distance between us just got larger, but I didn’t care. I wanted it to work.

You came back to Pennsylvania before they sent you to San Diego, and I promised I would drive 3 hours to see you. I will never forget that day. Unfortunately, it would be the last time I saw you for a few years.

We continuously found ourselves in a rigorous cat-and-mouse game for the years to follow. I would date someone; you would talk to me. You would date someone; I would talk to you. When it failed on both ends, we talked to one another. I didn’t mind it though, because we always found our way back to each other again.

I was in my last year of college. You called me one December night, drunk out of your mind. You confessed your love for me. You said “I want you from the beginning to the very end.” Though it didn’t make sense, I knew what you meant, and the cycle started all over again.

We decided to plan a visit after 3 years of not seeing each other. I flew to San Diego to spend 10 days with you in your apartment on the naval base. It was the new start with you I had craved for years.

We got a little drunk one night and got carried away. I found out two months later that I was pregnant. We agreed on an abortion. I want to say more about this but it’s hard for me to put it all into words. It still haunts me to this day.

I asked you if I could move to San Diego to be with you after I graduated college. I wanted us to finally be in the same place at the same time. You told me no. Later I found out it’s because you had a local girlfriend that you didn’t want me to know about.

At 23, I decided to move to Chicago after graduation and have a new start. I wanted to be with you but you still had a few years left in the Navy, and you didn’t want me to be in San Diego. I figured, Chicago was where we got our start, why not go there and make it our forever?

You told me you were afraid of me. You said you were afraid of how much I loved you, and how much you loved me. You said you were afraid of how intense and serious our connection was. You confessed to the secret local girlfriend that I had my suspicions about, but said you didn’t want to be with anyone else ever again. We finally made it official and started dating. I shouldn’t have forgiven you then, but I did. I should have hated you then, but I didn’t.

Things were rough because of the distance, but one thing was certain: the love we had for each other was on fire. We were wildly passionate about one another. We made several trips back and forth to see each other, but each time left us with wanting more. I have come to learn from this situation that sometimes just loving someone so much is not enough.

I always had my suspicions about your girl best friend. I knew in my gut she liked you, and that she always had. You denied these statements every time I made them.

You asked me in April if she could move in with you and your other roommate because there was an opening and her lease was up. I was not keen on the idea. I believe I said no several times because of how uncomfortable it made me feel. Truth be told, I didn’t trust her. I knew she would try something. Eventually I gave in, and said she could, but that there would be some ground rules in terms of what questions I could ask in order to ease my mind and reassure me with her being around. As I’m sure you recall, there wasn’t much reason for me to trust you either.

We broke up in May — two weeks after I resigned my lease for the apartment you were supposed to live in with me. I was now stuck by myself in a city that I hated. I hated the lifestyle. I hated the people. I hated the apartment that I once loved. I hated everything, but somehow I didn’t hate you.

We kept in touch, constantly actually. You still called and texted me every day. We still told each other about our days. We were both unprepared for what was to come.

My mental health started to decline rapidly. My therapist wanted to admit me to in-patient therapy, but I didn’t have the money. You sent it to me so that I could get the help I needed.

Time went on. I got a little better. I was released from the in-patient facility, and quickly started acting out. I was doing drugs and partying a lot, and you stuck to your reserved roots. We still talked every day. You were concerned, but just wanted me to have fun and feel free. I took advantage of that. I’m 25 years old and still sulking over my ex-boyfriend, so what better way to cope with the loss than with partying and drugs?

You came back to Pennsylvania for the holidays, and I promised I would drive 3 hours to see you, just like I had done years before. I will never forget that day. It was the first time I had seen you in person since we broke up.

We spent the day together in Harrisburg; we went to the bookstore and the coffee shop, walked around the city, and sat on the swings at the park. I asked you about a photo of you and your roommate that looked very couple-like that was on Instagram, and I said, “You know how this looks, right?” You denied and said that it was just because your other roommate didn’t want to be in the photo.

As the sun started to set and I knew I needed to make my journey back home, I felt so strongly in my gut that I didn’t want to leave you. I would rather die than be apart from you again.

I dropped you off at your cousin’s house. We didn’t even hug goodbye. We were both hesitant to leave but knew it’s what we had to do. I started to drive away, and not even 30 seconds down the street I started hysterically crying. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. I called a friend to calm me down and he said “You need to tell him, Lydia!” — so I did.

I texted you and told you I was crying. I said how I regretted not hugging you goodbye. You replied almost instantly and said “I regret not kissing you, so there’s that.” I abruptly turned the car around and headed back toward you.

I picked you back up and you kissed me immediately. I hate to say it but my soul left my body with that kiss. I had craved it for so long. I had craved you for so long. We couldn’t stop so we drove to a clearing in the woods. You know the rest. You played Heavenly by Cigarettes After Sex as I drove you back to your cousin’s house.

I started on my 3 hour drive home that night, intoxicated from your kiss and the connection that we built once again. I didn’t know that would be the last time I saw you.

Time went on, and things were good. You said how you wished you could come home to me. We talked about visiting each other again, but you were unsure of the timing because you were trying to start a new job. We were desperate to make it work; well, at least I was.

You started to grow distant. I asked you about it several times. I asked you if there was someone else. You told me you just were afraid of hurting me again. You said there was no one else.

Valentine’s Day rolled around, which is a particularly hard time for me because that is the anniversary of the abortion I had for what would have been our child. The day was already off to a rough start. I had a disgusting gut feeling that something was going to happen that day, but I tried to brush it off.

I happened to look at your roommate’s Instagram story and saw a post of beautiful flowers on the table in your home, captioned “Thank you my love,” with you tagged on the image. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. My worst nightmare had come true.

I asked you about it, you initially denied and said how the two of you talked about needing more plants in the house so you thought buying her those flowers would be a nice gesture. On Valentine’s Day? You always thought I was a fool. I knew you were lying. Sparing the details, you eventually confessed to having been with her for quite some time.

I know that my actions were toxic as a response to trauma, and for that there is no excuse. However, my intentions were never evil or to hurt you. I was lost. I was hurting. I was dealing with the greatest loss I had ever experienced. I was fighting for my life, and my mental illnesses were winning.

I said I wanted to come to San Diego. In the heat of the moment, I did not express the intentions of that statement clearly. I really just wanted to come to talk to you in person and explain everything that I had done, face-to-face, so we could fix it. But, it was interpreted as a threat. Now, I sit here with a 3-year restraining order.

I left out so many details from our story as I find them to be sacred — for you and me only. I have done a lot of terrible things to you, as you have done a lot of terrible things to me. We can’t take back what has already happened. I just wish you wouldn’t have given up.

Time has gone on and I’ve grown so much as a person. I have learned to deal with my mental illnesses more proactively. I’m finally doing things that make me happy. I’m leaving this city I hate to move somewhere I actually want to be. I am living for me now, not for you. I hope you’ve changed for the better, too.

There are so many things that I would go back and relive if I could, as well as go back and change. Surprisingly, I wouldn’t turn you back into a stranger. But, I didn’t know that was our inevitable outcome.

The last time we spoke was March 14th. Don’t worry, I’m not counting or anything.

This is the hardest thing I will ever write. I hope you read it.

[rosemarysenglishlitblog]

Week 12 blog

The Girl on the Train

Paula Hawkins

Pages 100-140

Word count- 825

Summary-Rachel is still trying to get a hold of Scott to tell him everything she knows about Megan. She wants to tell him that before the day Megan went missing, she saw Megan with another man. They were kissing at their house. Scott never answered the email so she found his number and called him. They agreed to meet at his house to talk all about it. It was Anna’s birthday which is Tom’s wife and they were all at home. Tom sees an email from Rachel and Anna gets bothered by it and asks when she will leave them alone. Rachel gets to Scott’s house and starts to tell him what she saw. She twists the truth a little because she did not want to seem like a stalker. Scott starts to get angry and worried and wants to identify the guy she was with. Rachel already knew who it was. She saw the guy at the police station but she did not want to tell Scott this. Finally Scott pulls up a picture of a guy. It was the guy that Rachel saw Megan with and she finally confessed that that was him. Scott told her that he was her doctor/therapist because Megan needed some help and he couldn’t help her himself. Scott confesses to Rachel that the night Megan disappeared they got into a fight. He thought she would be at Tara’s house which is Megan’s friend but when he drove there in the morning she was not there. Someone has been arrested for Megan’s disappearance. Rachel goes running to Scott’s house thinking he was arrested but he wasn’t. She gets to the porch and Scott opens and grabs her real quick. Inside was his mother and Rachel meets her. She asks him about the guy they arrested and he confirmed it was in the morning. Rachel thought to herself that Megan will be home in no time since they have caught the guy. 

Critical analysis- Throughout the story the author reveals that Rachel lies a lot. It is a part of her personality almost since she does it quite a few. I first started to notice it when she would lie to Cathy about having a job and she would go on the train everyday to make it seem like she was still working. Then she lies all the time about her not drinking when she actually is drinking. Even to the police she lied about the whole story because she didn’t want to tell them that she could not remember since she blacked out from drinking so much. “My mouth is completely dry” is what she said to Scott once he told her that he talked to the police. She lied to both of them and was nervous if she was going to get caught up for lying. She lied to Scott about knowing Megan when I’m reality she did not know her at all. SHe only knew her from looking at them from the train. The author reveals this about the character to show that this is her way of getting through life. Just by lying her way out of things. It could teach the reader that this is not the solution to everything. It clearly has her worried all the time so it is not worth lying. 

Personal response- I like Rachel but i don’t at the same time. she is kind of too much sometimes and she doesn’t realize the things she does are kind of creepy. for example emailing her ex husband tom all the time. If I were Anna I would be mad too at the fact that my husband's ex doesn’t leave him alone. Rachel kind of knows that she does weird things because when she was telling Scott everything she started to lie a little so she didn’t look creepy. so she is aware of it so i’m confused why she keeps being creepy. Also I was kind of confused as to why she doesn’t tell Scott who the guy is if she has already identified the guy at the police station. Scott has really opened up to rachel. he has told her things he hasn’t even told the police. I find it kind of weird how he trusts this stranger. also there was a chapter from megan’s point of view and i got confused with it that’s why i didn’t put it in the summary. i don’t think if it was from a long time ago or the night she went missing i’m not sure. All I know is that Scott was kind of being abusive towards her. She has bruises on her wrists from him grabbing her. He is kind of suspicious to me now since he was abusive to her and now she’s missing. maybe he has something to do with all of this. I don't blame her if she ran away from him and didn’t love him the same anymore. 

[adaineslittleguys]

Klaus

Klaus was hired by some cops to help solve murder cases after he was picked up and started spewing facts about how she was killed and by who. It would have been suspicious, except everyone knew who he was and that he talked to ghosts. Those that didn’t, stopped trying to say he did it when the perp confessed to it. After that, it was an unofficial job for Klaus. If he got caught, he would help solve a few cold cases and get a few bucks and they would drop charges. It was helpful when he was still legally under his fathers care. He solved a case or two and he got money and no phone call home. This carried on for years. At some points, Klaus would get caught on purpose because he learned that the ghosts would leave him alone if he solved their murder. Most of the dead saught once they figured this out too, only driving him to turn himself in more so they would leave him alone.

Deigo often heard rumors of a junkie that would solve cases for a free meal and charges dropped, it reminded him of his brother before he remembered his words ‘I can’t talk to the dead high, you know that’.

Thing is, Klaus had gotten into a pattern that the ghosts didn’t like. If he was ignoring them he wouldn’t solve the cases. For years they let him have his high induced space but once eternal peace was brought into the picture, well they wouldn’t let him sleep, sober or high. After this annoying revelation, Klaus gave up on drugs, he still got weed sometimes, but most drugs had a bad aftertaste and if he couldn’t enjoy the high then why do it?

After he got clean, mostly, he was able to save up for a tiny apartment near the police station where he would sit every morning. The cops would go get a pile of cold cases or murder cases and he would write down what the ghosts had told him about it, this would go on for hours and when he finished a stack they would give him a wad of cash once the facts had checked out.

It got to a point where this police station ran out of cases and had to go to higher management. Once they learned who had been solving all the cases, they gave him an official job. They demanded he go to the police academy before they officially hired him and he did. He didn’t really have much else to do and there were free meals, the higher-ups paid for it in exchange for his help so he couldn’t complain. He graduated after filling out some, he would always be skinny but he looked less like a breeze would knock him over. He worked up to becoming a detective, officially, even though he had basically been doing that kind of work from the beginning, and it had a raise so it helped.

While most of what he did was paperwork, he did have a badge and therefore he would often lead the teams that were assigned to the murder case. He felt powerful, people listened to him and followed his lead. They trusted him even when they learned of his past as an addict, none of it showed on his record though.

Deigo was always confused when Patch would talk about her coworker who could solve murder cases in minutes, that there were bets on how fast he could get a perp to confess. (Klaus would freak them out by talking about how the ghost felt about being dead and they would crack) It always felt like he was missing something but Klaus had made everyone in the precinct promise not to tell his family what he did for a living.

When he got to the house after dad’s death he had to keep himself from yelling at his siblings. He got tired of that and snapped.

“Hands in the air, both of you,” Klaus said as he brought his gun out

“What the fuck, Klaus?” Deigo asked he had never seen this side of his brother. A cold face set in stone as he raised his gun, it was a face he had seen on many officers.

“I’m already getting calls for noise disturbance. Break it up or I’m bringing both of you in.” Well, that was a part lie, Ben had been at the station and had reported that there were calls about the noise.

“Are you high?” Luther asked, not looking away from Deigo, who he perceived as a bigger threat.

“I’ve been sober for years, asshole. Hands up!” Now Klaus was angry, his family being loud and him being closest was one thing, them not noticing that he was as clean as a brand new needle was another.

Luther finally turned to look at him, starting when he saw his brother with a gun trained on him as he talked to thin air.

“Tell Patch I’ve got the noise covered, and that I may have to bring in her ex. I’ll probably be late for drinks, dang” Klaus said to Ben. The precinct had gotten used to Klaus using Ben to relay messages, it was faster for him to use the dead sometimes and Patch had gotten over it faster than most. Ben nodded, he didn’t normally take orders quietly but he knew Klaus was at the end of his rope and needed to keep all focus on his brothers.

Deigo was slowly connecting the dots, a junkie that solved cold cases, a new detective without a name who had bets on how fast he could solve a murder case, the fact that he hadn’t heard Klaus’s MO in years on the scanner.

“How’d you get into the police academy?” Deigo had put his hands on his head quickly once he realized that Klaus was taking no shit today.

“A few months after leaving here, they would bring me in to solve cases and would drop all charges if it matched up. After I ran out of local ones, higher-up decided that if I got clean and went to the academy they would heir me full time,” Klaus shrugged. “It kept dad off my ass and then they treated me more like a family than any of you did so I stayed. I have a standing drinks date with Patch every other Friday to gossip and wind down. She’s out of your league and pissed at you for how you talk about me to her. She’ll rant about how much she wants to stand up to you in my defense but made her promise not to tell, more fun this way” Klaus said, never once taking his eyes off of the two in front of him. Luther had finally cooled down enough that he could go inside without punching a wall so Klaus pointed with his gun inside. 

“Come on, I’m already late and I can’t have you guys throwing tantrums after an already stressful week. Luther, dad wasn’t killed. He wouldn’t have gone down easily but he won't talk to me so don’t ask again. Deigo, stop picking fights, it’s not a good look on you. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” With that Klaus left. He drove over to the usual bar and plopped into the booth across from Patch.

“You would not believe how oblivious my family is,” Klaus said before he launched into his story. Patch just laughed and gave him a sympathetic look before going back to her beer.

[vanllacreme1]

it’s mac again ! i’m bringing over an old-ish oc that i hardly got to play but really loved ( which means that this intro is long bc i have a lot of thoughts about my son ) !! pls welcome my babiest baby boi, TEDDY LEUNG . 

☕ . ˚ ◝ ( lucas wong. cismale. he/him. ) theodore “teddy” leung is a twenty year old aries. the freelancer’s go-to order is vanilla creme frappe with two pumps of raspberry syrup and extra whip cream. they like to listen to ring ding dong by shinee while they wait for their order. the employees of the deja brew think they are meek but swear they’re totally optimistic as well. maybe that’s why a spray paint can, a velcro chain wallet, and earbuds remind me of them.  

PINTEREST

mentions of ptsd. injury. 9/11. deafness. 

i. born and fostered out of love, teddy leung is the son of a first generation chinese american military officer and a thai lounge singer. having met while his father was stationed overseas, his parents fell in love but just before they could get their relationship could fully bloom, teddy’s father was sent back to america. regretfully, teddy’s parents parted ways but even with an ocean between them, the culmination of their short-lived romance grew into a new life.

ii. teddy was a surprise, to everyone involved, and in fear for his love and his child’s life in the hands of her traditionalist parents ( afterall she was young, unwed and pregnant ), teddy’s father sent for her, causing her to have to leave everything she knew behind for a man she knew for only eight months. but they were in love and they both felt as if their situation was the fates telling them to be together.

iii. teddy came into the world kicking and screaming, his little lungs gasping for air as his limbs stretched out of their confines for the first time. an explosive ball of energy that his mother ate up and his father smiled down on protectively. he was their special boy, golden and proof that all their hardships -- the arguments, the alienation of her family, the stress -- was all worth it in the end.

iv. and for the first few years, it was harmonious. all focus was on raising teddy and providing for him, his father training the battalion on fort irwin and his mother working as a music teacher for the kids in the area. then, in the aftermath of 9/11, teddy’s father was deployed for five years on active duty in afghanistan where he served until a hostile bombing left him injured.

v. returning home after all that time away was an adjustment for teddy’s father, having to cope with not only the strain of physical therapy and ptsd, but also with his 7-year-old son whom he hadn’t spent any real time with since the boy was three. but, teddy, with his big, wondering eyes and even bigger, tender heart, tried to connect with his father the way he was close with his mother.

vi. but even then, there was only so much that teddy and his father could see eye to eye on. art and music became a big part of teddy’s life, while sport and the sciences were his father’s interests. it alienated them both from each other, for the short while before teddy’s father accepted a recruitment job in san diego and became busy again.

vii. in san diego, teddy found a little more independence, enrolling in the local public school instead of the school on the army base. and things were fine, again, until they weren’t. by the time teddy was 11, he developed ménière’s in his left ear, causing him to become hard of hearing on top of bouts of vertigo and tinnitus. he fought a lot with his parents then, his angsty teenage bullshit hitting an absolute peak early on when his parents wanted him to get fitted for an aid and he wanted to just let nature take its course ( he still has his one good ear, he’d argue ).

viii. eventually, they came to an agreement, that teddy would go to counselling and learn asl in lieu of getting an aid, and that teddy wouldn’t complain when his family relocated again in the beginning of his freshman year of high school. moving, this time to colorado, drove a deeper wedge between teddy and his father. and as much as he loves the man, they just didn’t seem to click anymore.

ix. so teddy tried to be a good son for him, focused on school and behaved the best he could. it was only after teddy started applying for university, that he felt the spark of excitement again. the possibility of going back to the place he was the longest, to southern california, was all that he cared about. his college years were going to be the time he became more independent from his parents, finally gaining some semblance of his own person beyond what his parents tried to mold him into.

***DISCLAIMER: teddy is written by a hearing person and his condition may be written inaccurately. please know that i am not at all trying to offend anyone who is HoH and that i will do my best to research and be mindful of the portrayal of his hearing loss. that being said, if you are offended by the way i portray his hearing loss in any capacity, please message me privately so we can have a conversation and i can learn from my mistake.

quick fax  

- is an army brat so he moved around a lot growing up ; spent high school years elsewhere, but moved back to cali for university  - is studying accounting bc ,,, idk its stable and he’s never really had stability in his life until now - such a glass half full person but is that one ‘ everything is fine ’ meme  - will try anything once ; whether or not it sticks depends on how much he ends up enjoying it - would also stand up 2 someone but immediately regret it after - is hard of hearing in his left ear ( ménière’s disease ) so he will lean toward the noise to hear better aka im so sorry if he’s in ur bubble, he just cant hear what uR’E SAYING  - he’s ,,, ,v loud w/o realizing it  - bc of his meniere’s he can’t have caffeine ( lol ) but he likes the cafe culture and likes to go to deja brew to sketch - also has earbuds in like 24/7 ; gets nagged by his mom that he SHOULDN’T but like ,,,, he’s accepted that his hearing is gonna get worse anyway so LMAO - doesn’t wear an aid and hasn’t used sign language in a very long time but still remembers a lot of it - teddy vc: what ?  - does the graffiti on the weekends , pls dont tell his mom ; art is his “hobby” as his dad would say , v artistic and likes to go to moca on their free nights  - loves all kinds of music, esp mongolian throat singing ; impressionism is his favorite art movement ; thinks rupi kaur is a charlatan but she’s making money off white people so : / - has a tattoo on his right buttcheek bc why not , someone probably dared him to - naturally wakes up at 6 am, no matter how late he was up the night before ; goes on morning runs  - incidentally, he also takes a lot of naps during the day - is technically (f)unemployed ; answers craigslist ads for cash, nothing shady, just like cleans old ladies homes and helps people move furniture - owns a second hand bicycle with a woven basket in the front uwu ; may or may not have found it at a junk yard - will stop to pet a dog on the side of the street ; will also point out animals when he passes them   - think andy dwyer, john mulaney, jake peralta, miles morales, jason mendoza and others i cant care to look up rn but u get the idea i hope 

possible connections

roommates / housemates, classmates / schoolmates, friends, enemies ( tho he’d probably cry if u told him u didnt like him ), lovers / ex lovers, etc. whatever come yell at me if u want something. find me here or on discord ( 𝖎𝖈𝖊𝖉 𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖒𝖞 𝖜𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖙, 𝖙𝖎𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖈#3596 ) 

[awkward-radar-tech]

Moments with Mr. McTavish and His New Gamer Girlfriend

Summary: The title pretty much covers it, but basically it covers how William McTavish met reader, who is a gamer, and how they began to date. 

A/N: Am I trash? Yes. Am I serious about these? Yes. Is my first smut (or as close as I feel like getting to smut) fic going to be a follow up to this and not in AAT? Probably. There isn’t anything in this though. Also I couldn’t really edit this since I already almost died writing it, so sorry about any mistakes. Sorry if this doesn’t flow, this is my first time writing in this format. 

Follow-up fic: McTavish Games

@bad--bad--man, here is the trash I promised.

He met you while at a game store near his house, shopping for a gift for his son. He came in knowing different names of games Miles liked and his favorite characters from them, but not much else.

He saw you browsing through some stuff for the games on his list, so he asked your opinion on them.

You happily obliged, glad you could help a dad make his son's day. He mentioned his son mainly played his games alone or with his step-dad, and it made your heart warm that he was putting an interest in his son's hobbies, even if it was to make the other guy jealous.

As you explaining to him the differences between a gift card for a console network’s e-store and one for a specific game, he noticed that you were probably in your mid-to-late-twenties, and definitely cute. But why would a young lady like you be interested in him, so he let it go.

After discussing different options for close to an hour, he had finally decided on a few things to buy Miles. Not wanting to part from you, he awkwardly asked if he could buy you some lunch at the fast food restaurant next door to thank you for your time and help, if you wanted to. And to his surprise, you accepted

You had hoped that you wouldn't have to part ways with William after he decided what to buy for his son, so when he asked to buy you lunch you didn't hesitate saying yes.

He held both doors open for you as you walked from one store to the other, and had you order first. The two of you sat and talked about his son's favorite game, Fortnite. You explained certain mechanics of the game to him that would hopefully help him in his own playing. You then traded usernames so you could play together and you could show him more of the ropes.

As he went to retrieve your order from the counter, you decided you had enough talking about video games waiting for him to start flirting with you, so you would make the first move

Once he returned, you began to ask him about his life and what he enjoyed to do do. You learned he was in rehab and that he was enjoying having extra money now that he was no longer buying his vices, that he worked in an office although he didn't say what he did there, and that he enjoyed classic video games like Pac-Man, Galaga, and Tetris. He also talked about a new hobby he started in rehab, painting pre-made wood objects, like bird houses and signs. He either gave them away or sold them at the monthly fundraiser for his facility.

After telling so much about himself, he felt it was only polite to learn more about the young lady who so graciously helped him. He learned that you were 28, worked as a secretary for a dentist office, spent your free time playing video games or window shopping, when you felt like it you would bake desserts and deliver them to the local fire stations and homeless shelters, and that you had two cats.

He noticed you never mentioned anything about friends or a significant other, and asked you about it. You said that you moved away from your hometown at 20 because it was a toxic environment for you, and you never really socialized outside of work so your only friends were your cats.

Deciding to drop a hint since he asked about a significant other you added that you had never dated since you were never attracted to guys your age, you wanted a guy who had his life pretty much in line, even if he was working on fixing himself, and had life experience so they could reassure you when you thought your world was collapsing.

William took in all you had to say, and realized your description of what you were looking for fit him rather well. Maybe you would be into him, so he decided to start flirting

You were glad he got your hint and began to take your flirting further. When you were saying goodbye, you gave him your number saying, “let me know if you want to do anything other than playing Fortnite” and winked at him.

He was happy that you wanted to be friends, doing things outside of teaching him how to play Fortnite. He feels special that he his going to be your first friend in 8 years.

He text you the next day asking how your day was going and if you had time to play Fortnite later. He was happy when you text back saying your day was great and that you could.

That night he sat on his couch and waited for you to text that you were about to go online. When you did and you connected, he felt butterflies when you said hello. He hadn't felt butterflies in years, be 46 and all, he thought those were for teenagers. He didn't even feel butterflies when he met his ex-wife.

It took him a bit to get a hang of the game, but you patiently explained every step to him and reassured him when he got frustrated. Once he adjusted, he actually wasn't that bad at the game.

After you explained the game, he actually began to really like the game. He understood why Miles and all his friends loved this game. He was sad when you said you had to stop playing after 3 hours because your eyes began to hurt, but he asked if he could call you so you could talk for longer. He almost screamed out in celebration when you said yes and he immediately grabbed his phone and called you.

You laughed to yourself when you felt your phone vibrate as soon as you had shut down the game. His eagerness to talk with you was adorable, and honestly you couldn’t help but feel giddy yourself.

You two continued to talk for hours, and well past when you should have been asleep. You told him about different stories you overheard from your coworkers and the patients in the waiting room, nothing personal but just funny tidbits of drama and anecdotes from life. He told you about stories he heard at work. You were brought out of a fit of laughter at one point by William asking how it felt to finally have a friend to talk with again. In your tired state you didn’t hesitate when you said it was nice, but you hoped it would become more than just a friendship.

William’s train of thought launched off of a cliff when he processed what you said, “Wait, you mean you like me, in a romantic way.”

You cleared your throat before responding, realising what you had said and not backing away from that or what you were about to say next, “Well, yeah. And in a sexual way too. Did you not realize that when I said ‘let me know if you want to do anything other than playing Fortnite’ with a wink?”

He felt like a fool now that he thinks back to it, “I didn’t think a pretty young lady would be into a guy like me and thought you meant like hanging out as friends or something like that.”

You giggled at his admission, “Oh no Mr. McTavish, you are exactly the type of guy I’m into. And I’d love to continue our conversation but I just looked at the time and it is really past my bedtime. I’ll talk with you later, goodnight.”

Once he wakes up and has some breakfast he calls you even though he knows you won’t answer due to work and leaves a voicemail asking you out on a date that evening. A few hours later you text him that you would love to, just send a place and time. He immediately responds that he will pick you up, just to send him your address. Once he had your address and looked up were it was, he gave you a time and warned you it wouldn’t be anywhere fancy, just going to Applebee’s and maybe a fancy ice cream store that makes the ice cream with liquid nitrogen when you order it. He was relieved when you said that it sounded fun and not to worry about it being somewhere nice.

To help make up for the lack in romance in the restaurant he wore one of his nice button-up shirts and his new dark-wash jeans and bought you a bouquet of red roses which he hoped you would like.

He let you know he was on the way to you and he was surprised when pulled up in front of your building and saw you waiting by the door, and got a second shock when noticed you wearing a nice white blouse and a pink jean skirt with white high-tops. This was a vast difference from the graphic tee and jeans you were wearing the other day. But he was not about to complain about either outfit, especially this one.

When you opened the door he quickly stumbled out his greeting, “Good evening, my dear. I got you some uh roses. And that outfit sure uh, fits you nice and uh you look pretty.”

You were touched by his gift of roses and giggled at his complements, this outfit brought out just the reaction you were hoping for. “Hi William. You look handsome today. Thank you for the flowers and picking me up.”

He drove and listened to you talk, although he was so preoccupied with watching the road and willing his erection away he couldn’t really follow what you were saying.

The date went well and before he knew it he was dropping you off at home. You leaned over and kissed his cheek before inviting him up to your apartment. While he wanted to accept, he knew he would be here for a few hours and he needed to be in the office by 7 the next morning for a conference call with some clients halfway around the world and needed some sleep, so he regretfully had to decline. You understood and wished him a goodnight before giving his cheek a final kiss.

[thesilverstaganddoe]

The Beginning: Psychology and the Law (Killing Eve Fic) Chapter 14

AO3 Link

Chapter [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13]

Chapter 14: Best Case Scenario

On Monday, Eve went to the MI6 offices. It was the first time she had been there since she’d collected her things a week after officially “retiring” and it was a bit strange to be back. She didn’t recognize the woman at the security desk in the front lobby. She peered at Eve’s old MI6 ID.

“Do you work here? I don’t recognize you.”

“I used to. I’m here to see Bill. Bill Pargrave.”

“Do you have an appointment? I don’t see your name on the list.”

“I don’t need one, he’s my old boss, he’ll want to see me.”

“Oh, well, I’m not sure…”

“It’s fine, really.”

The woman faltered for another moment, but something in Eve’s expression seemed to convince her that she didn’t want to keep arguing and she allowed Eve to pass through.  

The office looked much the same, except that someone else had clearly taken over Eve’s desk. There were colored sticky notes lining the edges of the computer monitor and sitting beside it was a photo of a smiling couple holding a little girl.

Eve had already been in a pretty foul mood and it didn’t make her feel any better.

It was early and there wasn’t anyone in the outer office, but Eve knew Bill had a habit of getting in early and, as expected, he was in his office, hunched over his computer, picking at a croissant.

“Hi, Bill.”

He looked up. “Eve! What a surprise! A wonderful surprise, of course.”

She nodded. It was good to see him, of course, but she wasn’t exactly feeling cheerful or particularly filled with a desire to catch up on old times. So, she got right to the point.

“I need help with something. A favor.”

“Okay. Straightforward as always. Is everything alright?”

“I need information on someone. An address, at least, and anything else you can get me.”

“Okay. You’ll also owe me a favor, though, Eve.”

“Fine, whatever you want.”

“I’ll hold you to that. What’s the name?”

“Anna. I don’t know her last name, but she was a teacher at the Gorchakov boarding school about fifteen years ago.”

“That’s not a lot to go on.”

“I have faith in you. You’ve done more with less.”

“I’ll see what I can do. Come by tomorrow, I’ll leave a file for you at the front desk.”

“Thank you.” Eve turned to go and then pause by the door and turned back around. “Bill?”

“Yes?”

“Will you let me into the shooting range?”

Bill raised his eyebrows, but didn’t comment. He simply held out his keys.

Normally, Eve’s position at MI6 wouldn’t have warranted her carrying a gun, but after some threats had been made in a particularly difficult case, she received some training and been issued one. After leaving MI6, she’d obtained a civilian license and kept it, but it had always been in a lockbox under her bed that she’d never opened since her departure.

Until that day.

She’d opened it up again that morning, before she left to meet Bill. It made her uncomfortable; it was a reminder of difficult and stressful days. She’d been allowed to keep it with the idea that the threat could potentially remain, even once she’d left MI6 and abandoned the case. But, really, she hadn’t been too concerned; she’d left, she’d done what they wanted. There was no reason to get rid of her anymore.

But she’d kept it, and in that moment she was glad she had.

———-

As promised, a file was waiting for Eve the next morning.

Anna Aanmokoba. The file had a list of basic information, including her ex-husband’s name and her age. She was forty-nine. Which would have made her thirty-five when Oksana was sixteen. Eve’s fingers clenched into fist tight enough that her nails dug hard into her palm.

Fuck her. Fuck her a hundred times over.

It also had her address. She was no longer working at the school, it appeared she was retired, but she was still living close to it.

Eve booked a flight. Somehow, by some grace of a god she didn’t really believe in, there was a flight out of London to St. Petersburg early the very next morning. It had a layover in Vienna, but it wasn’t too bad, less than an hour. The price was exorbitant last minute, but Eve didn’t care.

Oksana texted her in the afternoon, asking her if she wanted to come over for dinner or drinks that night. Eve told her that her friend had had a baby and she was leaving early the next morning to spend the next couple of days with her in Leeds.

Oh, okay.

Eve felt bad. But what else could she say?

———-

When she finally landed in St. Petersburg, she didn’t even bother with the train; she couldn’t focus enough to figure out the Russian schedules. Part of her wished Oksana was with her. She’d make it so simple, converse easily with everyone they came across, charm everyone in their path.

But, no, it was something Eve needed to do alone.

So, she managed to get a rental car from an agency whose people spoke enough English to not make it miserable and by midafteroon was making her way to the address Bill had given her.

It was in Pavlovsk, about an hour’s drive from St. Petersburg. Eve flicked through Russian radio stations as she drove, barely listening to any of them. She paused on one, a host whose voice sounded a little like Oksana’s. Ultimately, though, she slammed her hand down on the power button and drove the rest of the way in silence.

Anna’s house was small, almost cute, if Eve had been in the kind of mood to make such an assessment. She sat in the car outside for a few minutes, considering what she was about to do. She didn’t really have a plan, exactly, she just felt like she needed to do...something.

So she went and knocked on the door.

She didn’t know what she expected, but whatever it was, the woman who answered wasn’t it. She was mousy and she looked old, older than Eve had even expected. Which just made Eve feel even more irritated.

She wasn’t ugly, really, but there wasn’t anything special about her either. Except her hair. She really did have quite nice hair. Eve also found that irritating.

“Hello?” the woman asked.

“Are you Anna?”

“Yes?”

Eve pushed past her into the house.

“We need to talk.”

Anna trailed behind her, not even commenting on the fact that Eve had just walked into her house without invitation.

“Who are you?”

Eve whirled on her and glared. There was no point in hiding her anger.

“A friend of Oksana’s.”

Anna actually smiled.

“Ah. How is she?”

Eve hissed out a breath. “Good. No thanks to you.”

The smile remained, but it hardened a bit. “No thanks to me? I was everything to that girl.”

It took everything Eve had not to slap her.

“Do you seriously think that? You abused her. You forced her into a relationship she was too young for.”

Anna scoffed, the look on her face twisting and growing nasty. “Oh, I didn’t force her into anything. If anything, she pushed it on me. She was a manipulative little snot. And she was obsessed with me.”

Eve really, really wanted to hit her. “That’s crap.”

“I’ll show you.”

Anna disappeared into another room and came back with a large box stuffed with papers. She set it down on the end table in front of Eve.

“These are from her.”

Eve narrowed her eyes at the woman. She didn’t really want to look away from her, but she had to admit, she was curious.

She began to page through them. There were some photos, some of them of Oksana and Anna together, but a number of just Oksana. She looked so young, so innocent, so naive. So easily hurt.

Mostly though, the box was filled with letters, largely written in French, which Eve had actually learned in school. It had been quite a while since she’d spoken it, much less read it, but she was still able to decipher sections of the letters.

My darling, Anna

I miss you.

Do you know the life we could have together?

I need to see you.

You looked beautiful in class today, I couldn’t stop watching you.

Please write to me, I have not heard from you in ages.

My heart longs for you, darling.

Eve felt the rage bubbling up in her chest anew. Anna raised an eyebrow at her.

“See? It was all her.”

“You’re a monster,” Eve hissed.

Anna shook her head. “She’s the monster. She’s a psychopath, did you know that?”

“Fuck you.”

“Oh, dear. You’ve got it bad. She’s got you wrapped around her little finger, doesn’t she? You know that she’s manipulating you, right? You need to know that. It’ll all fall apart soon enough.”

Every last bit of Eve’s patience was gone; it was amazing that it had lasted as long as it did. She grabbed Anna by both her shoulders and shoved her as hard as she could. She looked utterly shocked as she fell backwards onto the coffee table. It had a glass top and Anna crashed through it in an instant, shattered pieces flying across the floor and embedding themselves in Anna's skin.

Eve pulled the gun out of where she’d had it tucked in the back of her waistband and pointed it at Anna.

“I used to work for MI6 and I still have friends in high places and not just in the UK. If you ever contact her again, I will have you thrown in jail - and that’s if you’re lucky.”

Anna gave her a disgusted look. “You’re just like her. You deserve each other.”

“She certainly deserves better than you.”

Eve's finger hovered on the trigger for a long while, but eventually, with a deep breath, she moved it away. She took the box of letters and photos and moved backwards to the door, keeping the gun pointed at Anna. She never made an attempt to get up, though, and Eve slipped out the door without any trouble.

She set the box in the backseat, got into the front, threw the gun in the passenger seat and drove around the block, where she pulled over to the side of the road and parked again. Her heart was racing and she was gasping for breathing.

Suddenly she found herself crying, huge, hysterical sobs, and she buried her face in her hands and leaned against the steering wheel. She was crying because she was scared. Because she was angry. Because her heart hurt for Oksana. Because what she’d just done was the best thing she could think of to help her and it still didn’t seem like enough.

Because she didn’t know what to do with any of those feelings and it was screwing with her head.

———-

She drove to a convenience store and bought a thing of lighter fluid, some matches, and a bottle of whiskey. She drove, vaguely in the direction of the airport. Once she’d left the residential area, the road mostly ran through endless fields. It annoyed Eve. Fuck Russia.

At some point, after some indeterminate amount of time, a few trees started to appear along the roadside and Eve swerved off the side of the road towards them. She got out of the car, grabbed the box from the backseat, and tossed the lighter fluid and matches into it.

She walked into the trees, going deeper and deeper until the darkness settled around her and she could no longer see the road behind her. She grabbed fistfuls of the letters from the box and began throwing them on the ground. She kept the old photos, at least the ones that were only of Oksana. But the letters ended up in a heap on the ground

She poured the lighter fluid on top, stepped back a foot or two, struck a match, and tossed it on top of the pile. Flames sprung forward instantly and Eve watched them for a moment, letting the heat warm her cheeks and the sparks burn at her eyes. Then, she turned and walked away, letting it burn behind her.