#once again in a period of my life full of great upheaval

[leftmyheartinthetardis]

I'm listening to The Suffering Game Ch. 7 (ep. 57 of TAZ Balance) and thinking about Magnus, in mannequin form, regaining his memories. Specifically when he remembers going to hide the Temporal Chalice Griffin saying, "You've made something, and you're terrified of it."

There's something incredibly evocative about that to me, and also so scary to think about.

There's something you only half remember but two things you're sure about: 1. It is a horrible thing that has been created and 2. It is entirely your fault

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

Dick & Rachel and the Invisible String theory (part 3)

Let's continue with season 2! (You'll find part 1 and part 2 here) Good news is, I fixed the problem of the image limit (silly me didn't know I can put up to 30 images in a post on my laptop). Also good news — season 2 has so many clues that I had to give ONE ENTIRE EPISODE a separate post!

Season 2 is interesting when it comes to the Invisible String because it all seems to be very chaotic and all over the place, which is kind of reflecting the state of both of Dick and Rachel's minds this season. Dick, quite literally haunted by his past, is fighting hallucinations of Bruce Wayne, while Rachel is trying and failing to rein in her newly upgraded powers and struggling with her sense of identity. Their problems are pulling them in different directions, making them deal with stuff separately rather than together. The String becomes frayed and loses some of its integrity. Until, finally having enough of the bullshit, it takes the matters into its own hands (ropes?), so to speak.

And in episode 2x11 "E.L._.O.", sends Rachel a dream.

It's a blaring alarm. A wailing siren. Code Red, it screams, he's doing something really really stupid and it's going to get him killed. It urges her to go, now, before it's too late.

But first a little reminder how we got there.

Dick revealed the truth about what really happened to Jericho. Mad that he kept it a secret and blaming him, everyone (including Rachel) leaves him and goes their separate ways — except for Kory, who leaves to deal with her own stuff but promises to be back, and Gar who ends up the only one staying at the Tower. Dick leaves as well, packs a bag and goes to visit Jericho's mother. After a confrontation with her and Slade, he heads for the airport, a plan to go somewhere remote and away from everyone on his mind. But once he's there, he experiences something like a psychotic breakdown, gets himself detained and sent to prison, being convinced that this is what he deserves for all his fuck ups and mistakes.

Rachel originally goes with Donna but ends up ditching her as well and finds her way to a homeless shelter, where she meets a girl named Dani. Dani invites Rachel to an abandoned house where she and her friends have their place, and tells her she can stay with them. This is where Rachel has the nightmare.

It's all very symbolic this time. A cemetery, a funeral, a gravestone with Dick's name on it. Rachel's reaction to it is heartbreaking to watch. Then Dick appears behind her, dressed in a suit and tie as if attending his own funeral, and begs her not to give up. On him? On Titans? Rachel grabs his hand to look into his mind and find out what's going on but all she sees is some place called Elko diner in the middle of nowhere, which at the time doesn't make much sense. She wants to ask, but a sword is driven right through Dick's chest, Slade standing behind him, and she watches in horror as Dick chokes on his own blood and dies. She wakes up screaming, tires to call him, but his voicemail box is full.

When she doesn't leave immediately, the String tugs at her again. Dani gives her a reading from Tarot cards and the reading is terrifyingly accurate:

"Your past. The Tower. Upheaval. It leads to a period of darkness." — fighting amongst the team, Titans breaking apart.

"Your present. The Moon. The realm of dreams. Your unconscious knows the way back to the light. You have to trust your intuition. It will guide you to your purpose." — THE REALM OF DREAMS!!! GUIDE YOU!!!! TO YOUR PURPOSE!!!! Do I even have to explain?!

"Your future. The hanged man. Brutality is coming your way. You must prepare to make a great sacrifice or... suffer a great loss." — explains the meaning of the vision and predicts the future. The hanged man is Dick, his life is in danger. And as if that wasn't bad enough, Rachel gets another scary vision:

Something insane hit me while I was rewatching this scene and making these gifs. Something that made my jaw drop to the floor.

Dani could be the personification of the Invisible String.

She's only in this one episode, we never see her again. Rachel doesn't get the vision of Dick's death until she's at her place. Her only purpose seems to be to have this scene with Rachel, read her from the cards and help her understand this dream. She's literally guiding Rachel on the right path, a path that will take her back to Dick.

Rachel leaves right after that and heads for the bus station. This is another example of the String working in mysterious ways, because it's a direct callback to the moment from the pilot where Rachel decides to go to Detroit. This time it's a little more intentional — Rachel picks Elko because she recognized the name of the diner from her dream — but the two scenes are done nearly shot for shot to remind us that neither of the instances is coincidental. Just like the previous season, the String is leading her to Dick.

On the bus she has another dream. She's in the same cemetery, sees Dick standing over his own grave. Deathstroke emerges from behind the trees with his sword in hand and Rachel tries to warn Dick but she's unable to move and he can't hear her. Deathstroke kills him again and Rachel jerks awake just when she's about to miss her stop.

Meanwhile, weird things start happening with some of the others. Donna gets a strange call from Rachel, but the static cuts off her voice. Kory, who ended up in Vegas, sees a commercial of the Elko diner on TV. Dawn hears Rachel's voice on the radio as she's driving. All three get the same message: get to the Elko diner.

When they get there, though, Rachel is actually shocked to see them all there and claims she didn't do anything. Then none other than Bruce Wayne walks in and has a nice little chat with them. (Btw Bruce is preaching in this scene. Amen to these words!)

He gives a speech about putting the gang back together despite all the hurt that broke them apart, then simply leaves. Kory, Donna and Dawn aren't too convinced, the latter two deciding to leave. But before they do, a small TV in the back of the empty diner turns itself on and shows news footage informing that Dick is in a nearby prison and apparently helped two men escape. Convenient, right?

All of this is so weird, isn't it? So random. You watch it and immediately claim it "shitty writing" because the way these events happen is so goddamn ridiculous. It feels like it doesn't make much sense.

Or does it?

Because it's not really Bruce. Because in the season finale, when Kory thanks Bruce for coming and his advice, Bruce tells her he doesn't know what she's talking about because he was never there.

But if it wasn't Bruce, who or what was it?

At this point, Dick is having hallucinations all the time. While locked in solitary confinement, he has no one but his mind's projection of his adoptive father for company. They talk, they argue, even fight. Bruce has been appearing to him throughout the entire season, most of the time uninvited (as hallucinations do) and Dick couldn't get rid of him. But the one time when Dick actually does want Bruce to appear, he doesn't.

Bruce doesn't show up, but a large bird appears in a window of the cell and catches Dick's attention.

The only way I can describe Dick's face when he sees it is relief. Man nearly looks like he could cry. He immediately jumps to his feet, eyes never leaving the bird, and softly calls to it, but the bird flies away and doesn't come back even when Dick is shouting after it. Left alone again, Dick hangs his head and drops back to the floor, where he curls, crushed and defeated, as if the last glimmer of hope he had just died.

Bruce comes back shortly after that, and at the question "Where did you go?" he ominously replies that Dick needed to rest, and then changes the topic.

Okay but why pay attention to some bird? It's just a random bird, right? Wrong.

It's Rachel. Her "soul self" as she calls it in season 4. Still linked to Dick's subconscious even after leaving the dream, she "borrowed" Bruce's projection to bring him to the diner and sent the Raven as a replacement. Even Kory and Dawn came to a similar conclusion in the finale:

What's more, Dick must have recognized her in the bird. Otherwise, why would the bird catch his attention? Why would it cause such a range of emotions on his face? The bird doesn't stay for long, it flies away almost immediately, but I'd say this way Rachel now knows where to look. The bird comes back, the tv turns on and now they have the location.

One extra clue that proves it is that the scene in the cell happens right after the scene at the diner, which implies that the two moments might be happening at the same time.

How did Rachel do all of that? Found her way to some random diner in Nevada, brought the girls and Bruce together, sent out a projection of herself to Dick and did it all unconsciously ? Is it her powers or is it the String pulling her forward? Or both? It could be her instinct, her fear, her helplessness and desperation because she's just a kid and she's alone, and she just had a premonition of Dick's death. There's not a lot of time and she needs help. Outside of the diner, she's begging Donna and Dawn to stay, tears shine in her eyes and her breath hitches while she explains to them how she saw Dick die, but ultimately only Kory stays by her side. She gets some of the help but not all, and Dick eventually finds them before they get to find him, but all these weird things didn't stop happening until the threat of Dick dying went away.

As for Dick's end of the String, it kind of only makes a cameo. In his last hallucination, after Dick and Bruce exchange a few kicks and blows, Dick finds himself standing in front of several screens showing some important, pivotal moments from his life, moments that shaped him into who he is. There's many different things here: Robin's violence, his parents' killer's death, cutting Bruce's tracker from his arm, Jason falling from a building — and two memories of Rachel. The first meeting in Detroit and the moment she appeared in Trigon's dreamscape to save him (which also proves something I'll be talking about in season 3, so remember that detail).

And honestly, I can't think of an explanation to this other than the String's mere presence. It doesn't do anything — the scene's purpose is for Dick to figure out a clue left by Jericho. But I find the choice of picking not one but two important memories of her for this scene a really interesting and thought-provoking detail. Especially that the way this entire section is constructed draws your attention to it. We hear Rachel saying "It's you, you're the boy from the circus" in the background and her voice doesn't drown in the cacophony of others from different memories, but it's distinct, standing out from the rest — we as the audience are meant to hear it and recognize it. All the memories on the screens change, some appear on different screens at different times, but everything, from the camera angle and blocking, to editing and effects, made sure these two memories were seen at the same time. They're not the focus of the scene of course but you can tell there's been a lot of thought put into making sure they end up where they ended up.

You know, it's funny how I used to not take this episode too seriously — like most of the fandom — because of all the stuff at the diner and how there's seemingly no explanation to it and it feels so random. Because of how stupid some of the characters decisions seem. We always blame it on the writing, shit on the writers for leaving plotholes and making retcons, and 99% of the time we are right to do it. But maybe we just have to look deeper. Maybe we're supposed to look deeper. Because after looking at these events through the perspective of The Invisible String, this episode will never not make sense to me again. It's not dumb anymore, it's not random. It's actually fucking brilliant. I think it speaks of something that I had to give it a whole separate post to explain it — and that was something I did not plan when I sat down to write this theory.

Now we move to seasons 3 & 4. And check out Part 4!

[zak-kondo]

In Millenium Actress, Satoshi Kon teaches us to find our ambitions and the meaning of hope. The key to the greatest thing there is was never meant to be for a lock or answered by the film; you must provide the answer for yourself. What the key is, is just the drive towards finding the love of accomplishing that greatest thing. To the painter, his art was his passion, and the key to his art supplies box locked inside painting, the greatest thing there was for him.

Millenium Actress became my key towards finding great anime during that period where I had almost stopped watching it all together. I would never have made it this far making anime analysis content if it wasn't for me watching this film, and the few others from that period during those earlier days where I had almost completely lost hope.

Chiyoko was in a dark place. Her future was tied between indecision. Suddenly, during a time of political upheaval, she bumped into a tall painter. She saw his kindness and that he was a revolutionary, wounded and bloodied. Once the authorities came, she decided to help him get away. Though he was a political activist with a target on his back, she took him in. During that night conversation under the moon, she felt moved by his poetic words.

He told her he admired more the moon that was less bright than the one that is full. That is because the full moon has already peaked, it can only diminish. The not so bright moon still has potential, and the thrill and beauty of it struggling to be more beautiful, and the hope in every tomorrow that brings for it to reach that goal felt greater to him. It's been said time and time before, it's not about the end; it's about the journey.

As Chiyoko listened with fascination, she began to feel inspired by how passionate this man was about his art and what drives him. He told her that once he gets home when peace returns, he'd paint in the snowy landscape, which felt like a faraway world to him, even if it hurt from the cold. She decided then and there to go with him, and they make a promise to see each other again since he had to leave soon to dodge the authorities.

Eventually he vanished, and left behind the key while escaping from the authorities. Chiyoko would keep it around her neck after finding it, and tries to find him during the chaos of the war. She decided to take up acting, not because she cared about it. More so, she wanted him to see one of her films to lead him back to her. An amateur, she started off bad. Despite that, her strong emotions to find this man she fell in love with gave her the passion to deliver her lines beautifully. She became famous in the process. Still, the only audience she was looking for was just one man. As long as she kept the key and the memories, she'd keep trying to find him. There is a loneliness to this despite her grandiose career.

Eventually, a ghost appeared. It haunted her by telling her throughout her career that she has been cursed by an endless pursuit if love that will burn her up. The ghost tells her that she hates her and loves her both more than she can bear. No matter how much Chiyoko ran after him and made progress, the ghost laughed in the shadows behind her, telling her that she can't escape the curses' fate. It even told her that those who are alive who don't manage to meet up get to do so in the afterlife, which frightened her.

This films feels like I am watching a dream. The dream of an old actress who's memories have become so hazy that they have blended not just with the story of her love interest, but with the movies of her career as she tries to tell her life story throught the film for a documentary on her life. This is Satoshi Kon's specialty. The brilliance and surrealism of the edits, the blending of fantasy and reality that has so much wonder and mystery it goes over the viewers' comprehensions. Then there's the film crew in the movie. A camera man who thinks what the viewers think out loud, and provides humor for balance. On the other hand, there is Genya. He feels like Chiyoko's most loyal follower, a humble man who also loved her more than he could bear.

What a shame that such talent was taken so early from this world. Kon had a way with invoking the exact feeling I look for in anime. It pains me that his next film, which was supposed to be Dreaming Machine, will probably never be finished, because he is just outright irreplaceable, and the staff left behind can't find someone with his talent to direct and finish it.

The type of feeling that Millenium Actress brings is one that folds knots all over the inside of your heart. The ending throws a curveball at you and tells you that there is hope in the end. Whether or not you reach your goal, the lifetime you spent chasing it, the progress and hope you gained along the way, the accomplishments, were what really mattered.

Every time I begin to forget this film, I watch it again, learn something new from it, and enjoy it even more. I'll never stop talking about it. Some people say that all that could be said about an anime has been said, that the discussion is over. That couldn't be farther from the truth. There will always be people with new interpretations. In fact, the more I watch this film, the better I can talk about it the next time. That's why I can appreciate those that try to review older anime. Those that pump out endless seasonal reviews usually make them all bland because they only saw them once and weekly without notes or meaningful thought.

Last and certainly not least, this film was blessed with the music of Susumu Hirasawa. The soundtrack can toss you around with sadness, terrifying uncertainty, suspense, and bittersweet wonder.

Afterwords, Millenium Actress still asks the question to it's viewers in the end: What is the greatest thing there is to you?

[the-remainder]

History Of The World - Part 5

Greetings learned traveler.

It has come to my attention that there are still many who don’t yet have a sound grasp of the history and origin of our most illustrious and beloved Saint Lura. Fear not, I have transcribed for you here an excellent excerpt from the authority on the subject, Eylia Featherhurst, an accomplished magus in her own right. I hope this serves to illuminate you on the history of The World and by extension, shed light on things happening in the magi’s tower at present.

Behold.

Lachrimory of Lura

Lura was their name. They were known variously as Lura the Red, or Lura Cruensanti, or Lura the Savior.

Lura was said to have been born Aethla fen Seon to a poor but beloved

Trita-wed family circa 35 B.L. They’d had an ordinary childhood and a mercantile livelihood until the age of 29, when the Tide-fever of 6 B.L. that swept through the Mitterean region nearly claimed their life.

Though spared from the ever-scorch of the Southern desert and the ever-frost of the Northern wastelands, the temperate Mitterean was ripe with disease at that time.

Some 50 million lives were lost to the terrible seaborne malady within a decade. Having narrowly escaped death, Aethla was bed ridden for months thereafter and began to manifest visionary abilities like healing by song and seeing through dreams. Their family and village were among the first to be saved.

Soon, word spread, and Aethla was discovered by the Ancient Order of Magi and given the Unveiling rite, whereby their true name, Lura, was revealed to them.

But all was not well. The world was in upheaval, violent seamouth eruptions and famine shook the land and its inhabitants. Idol-worshipping tribes and warrior-ruled city-states resorted to rituals and sacrifices to their multitudes of Devarna and in desperate attempts to curry favors and protection. But these the Devarna were silent.

That’s when Lura was granted a prophetic vision by the Devarna and learned of the Rite of Hsava, an ancient ritual of offering one’s very Waters to the Seas and to the Devarna in order to heal The World’s wound and restore its health and balance.

When Lura and their disciples began spreading the rite, indeed, did rejuvenation came to pass. The fevers cooled in many of the sick, and the Seas themselves relented in their tantrums.

Scholars and Magi disagree over whether it was the efficacies of the rite itself or the preternatural determination of Lura the Magus that expanded Thearudin influence, but all concur that by age 36, Lura had united the ordered world under AOM and became its leader as Lura The Anumatta, one who is beyond greatness.

Things, however, would take an unexpected turn, just as Lura and their order were enjoying a streak of success with dispelling the sickness. On an ominous daybreak, when the horizon was painted sanguine by S’ruthrul’s rising, a singular massive eruption shook the continent like a thunderbolt out of cloudless seas, flattening entire cities and forests. By forenoon, birds fell like rain, creatures of land hid in their burrows, and uncountable carcasses of fish, eels, crustaceans, cephalopods and agari surfaced and covered every seamouth from the southern tip of Tulan Desert to the southern edge of the Kahna Tundra.

It did not rain for two full turns. Peoples had only the moisture stored in grand-succulents to relieve their deadly thirst. Many perished.

The Devarna were silent. Some said that even they were in despair at the ruin facing the world. But unwilling to bow defeat in even such a dire circumstance, Lura went beyond the efforts of ordinary recluses and magi and sought true knowledge beyond the realm of the Devarna. They sealed themself within a sanguine shrine and meditated for 23 unbroken days to seek an answer from S’ruthrul themself.

Reliable accounts of this period are scant and prone to inconsistencies, but what could be patched together from extant sources suggests Lura appeared before their followers, some 50 thousand thousand souls young and old, through a miracle of the seeing bowls, where the water of every bowl in every household turned a deep crimson and Lura’s image could be seen and their voice heard. They urged, roused, inspired and instructed the great throngs of suffering and destitute people to carry out a grand Rite of Hsava, as commanded by the great S’ruthrul. As the ardent and devout followers that they are, all 50 thousand thousand people obeyed.

Once the sealife began to recover and the world stabilized enough to support agriculture and trade for the survivors,

Only an estimated 1 million people remained in all the lands of the Mitterean, the rest followed Lura’s words, waded into the Seamouths, and gave their Waters to the Seas so that The World may be healed. Thus is Lura remembered as the Savior of humanity. They themself was never seen again. Many believe that they had attained Nisipetti as all the sanguine sages of present day still do. Some claim to possess Luran relics, hairs, ashes, prayer beads, seeing bowls, and so on and so forth, but no authenticity is attributed by any of the extant magus orders.

Excerpt from the Savior - A Brief Recounting, Eylia Featherhurst, K.S.M, OGS Publishing 515 DS

[jewish-privilege]

As long as we live we will never forget the lives of those we lost on Oct. 27, 2018. We will never forget who we were with and what we were doing, how we responded and what we have done to honor these beloved martyrs of our community.

As we commemorate one of the most significant events of our lives, we still grieve, we still remember, we still survive in a time that continues to challenge us in ways we never imagined. Despite these challenges, we will continue to reach out to teach each other about hope, love and community.

Are we better as a nation two years later? While I cannot lessen the impact of more than 200,000 COVID-related deaths in the United States alone, I have learned that during times of trauma, people’s authenticity inevitably rises to the surface. If you are innately a good person, you will find ways to utilize your goodness to help better the lives of others.

In the days and weeks following the Oct. 27 attack that killed 11 worshippers from three congregations, strangers from across the globe offered condolences, prayers, encouragement and even lengthy, hand-written letters pouring out their tears. As we approach the second year commemoration, good people once again reach out, offering continued support, reminding us that they have not forgotten.

I still believe that deep down the vast majority of humanity is comprised of good people. They reject all forms of “H” (that word is eliminated from my vocabulary), bigotry, racism, and the all too frequent violent acts that often accompany these words. Perhaps during periods of great stress, who we really are is seen in full view, stripped of all pretense and protective gear. Studies have shown that during great stressors throughout history, anti-Semitism rises.

When coupled with so much else occurring in America at this time, some might suggest that it’s no surprise that the proverbial pot is boiling over. Social unrest. Pandemic. Political upheaval. Economic stress. Serious divisiveness. All at once we find ourselves coping with these entrenched daily travails on top of the indelible mark that Oct. 27 left on each of us. Despite it all, we remain resilient and resolute in moving forward with our lives, with plans to rebuild our synagogue as well as our dreams.

There are plenty of helpers out there and we should look to them, in a reference to the famous advice Mister Rogers’ mother gave him as a child when things were upsetting. We, too, must be helpers because they need our support to swing the perceived pendulum in the opposite direction.

It can seem overwhelming to simultaneously take down the bad and build up the good, but the old adage that “if you sit on the fence and watch you will get splinters” applies. We need to disassemble the fences that separate us and use the wood to instead build bridges. We are all more alike than we recognize, and too frequently we allow the differences to define us. We must use our commonalities to unite us in the goal of making this experiment of a mixing pot called the United States successful.

The silent majority of good, decent people have been silent for too long. When will the day come that they rise up, and state with moral clarity, that words of “H,” bigotry, racism and the violence that they inevitably lead to are unwelcome, and do not belong in our society? Where are the Hebrew Bible prophets reminding us of our responsibilities to protect the orphan, the widow and the stranger? It is “we, the people” who are being tested to extreme limits. Will we pass the test?

Each of us can try harder. Do more. Do better. Only the passage of time will show if our collective resolve and hard work creates a unity that truly honors those we loved and lost.

On a personal note, I remain humbled and grateful to still be here among congregants, family, friends and community members who share that place, time and memory of something so profound that happened to us all and changed us in the process. May their memories be a blessing to us forever.

Rabbi Jeffrey Myers is the rabbi of Tree of Life*Or L’Simcha in Pittsburgh.

[cutsliceddiced]

New top story from Time: How COVID-19 Will Shape the Class of 2020 For the Rest of Their Lives

They call it commencement because it’s supposed to be a new beginning.

College graduation is one of life’s last clean transitions, a final passage from adolescence to adulthood that is predictable in ways other transitions rarely are. Relationships end with breakups or death, jobs often end with quitting or firing, but college is one of the only things in life that ends with a fresh start. Except when it doesn’t.

One morning in March, Clavey Robertson took a study break and climbed onto the roof of his dorm at the University of California, Berkeley. He had spent the past year working on his senior thesis on the erosion of the social-safety net since the Great Depression, and he needed to clear his head. In the distance, Robertson could see a tiny white speck: the Diamond Princess cruise ship, carrying crew members infected with COVID-19, lingering in the San Francisco Bay.

Photograph by Hannah Beier for TIME

Hannah Beier, a photography major in the Drexel University Class of 2020, has been virtually photographing her classmates in quarantine. She directed this series of portraits over FaceTime.

Two months later, Robertson’s transition to adulthood is in limbo. He skipped his online commencement and he’s living in his childhood bedroom, which had been converted to a guest room. His parents have lost their travel agency work, and his own job prospects have dried up. “No longer am I just a student writing about the Great Depression,” he says. “Now there’s a depression.”

College graduation is often marked by an adjustment period, as students leave the comforts of campus to find their way in the raw wilderness of the job market. But this year’s graduates are staggering into a world that is in some ways unrecognizable. More than 90,000 Americans have died; tens of millions are out of work; entire industries have crumbled. The virus and the economic shock waves it unleashed have hammered Americans of all ages. But graduating in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic will have enduring implications on the Class of 2020: for their memories, their earning power, and their view of what it means to have a functional society. For these young adults, the pandemic represents not just a national crisis but also a defining moment.

Hannah BeierJoshua McCaw, Drexel University Class of 2020, in his childhood bedroom in Brooklyn

Even before COVID-19, the Class of 2020 came of age at a time of fear and uncertainty. Born largely in 1997 and 1998—among the oldest of Gen Z—the Class of 2020 were in day care and pre-kindergarten on 9/11. Their childhoods have been punctuated by school -shootings and catastrophic climate change. Their freshman year at college began with President Donald Trump’s election; their senior year ended with a paralyzing global health crisis. “We stepped into the world as it was starting to fall apart,” says Simone Williams, who graduated from Florida A&M University in an online commencement May 9. “It’s caused my generation to have a vastly different perspective than the people just a few years ahead of us or behind us.”

Researchers have found that the major events voters experience in early adulthood—-roughly between the ages of 14 and 24—tend to define their political attitudes for the rest of their lives. And the Class of 2020’s generation was -already disaffected. Only 8% of -Americans -between 18 and 29 believe the government is working as it should be, and fewer than 1 in 5 consider themselves “very patriotic,” according to the 2020 Harvard Kennedy School Institute of Politics survey of young Americans. They are at once widely skeptical of U.S. institutions and insistent on more government solutions; they’re disappointed in the current system, but hold out hope for a better one.

Hannah BeierBrooke Yarsinsky, Drexel University Class of 2020, celebrating her birthday in her family’s kitchen in Marlton, N.J.

For the Class of 2020, COVID-19’s lasting impact may be determined by what happens next. If the rising cohort of young workers are left to fend for themselves, mass youth unemployment could lead to permanent disillusionment or widespread despair. A forceful, effective response that invests in the rising generation of American talent could restore their faith in the system.

It’s not clear to the Class of 2020 how the pandemic will play out. They just know it will change their lives. “Everything” is at stake, says Yale history major Adrian Rivera. “It’s this pivotal moment where we’ll never forget what’s done,” he says. “Or what isn’t done.”

School is often a refuge from the gusts of history. But the events that rupture the classroom routine, from President Kennedy’s assassination to 9/11, tend to be the ones that stick with students forever.

The coronavirus disrupted more class time, for more students, than almost any other event in U.S. history. It started with a scramble: The University of Washington announced on March 6 that it was cancelling in-person classes for its 57,000 students. Then Stanford University followed suit. Over the next few days, campuses from Harvard to the University of Michigan announced they’d be transitioning to online learning. Soon, hundreds of other colleges and universities followed.

Hannah BeierBen Scofield, Drexel University Class of 2020, on his bed in his new apartment in the Bushwick neighborhood of Brooklyn

By Friday, March 13, an eerie silence fell on campuses across the nation. “Something about that day was really weird, because every time my friends and I would say ‘See you later’ or ‘Catch you after break,’ I just had this sinking feeling that I wasn’t going to see them,” says Vincent Valeriano, a member of Iowa State University’s Class of 2020. “Saying goodbye felt like it carried a lot more weight than it used to.” He ended up watching his online -graduation -ceremony at home, in his pajamas.

For underclassmen, the shortened semester was an irritating disruption. For seniors, it was a total upheaval. “There’s no way for there to be closure,” says Sam Nelson, who recently graduated with a journalism degree from the University of Missouri. “I know in real life, closure doesn’t exist, but this is one of the last moments for young people to say goodbye to young adulthood and move into the next phase of their lives.”

The Class of 2020 hugged their closest friends and mourned their lost semester, but scattered back home without so much as a goodbye to many people they’d lived with for years. Acquaintances who laughed in hallways or shared inside jokes in seminars simply disappeared. Fraternities and sororities canceled their formals and philanthropy events, attempting Zoom happy hours that didn’t come close to the real thing. For some couples, casual hookups quickly escalated into long-distance relationships. Others quietly packed up their feelings for college crushes and left without saying a word.

Hannah Beier for TIMESarah Pruitt, Drexel University Class of 2020, at home with her mom in Colchester, Conn.

The loss of a milestone like an in–person commencement had a special sting for some families. Arianny Pujols, the first natural-born U.S. citizen in her family and the first to graduate from college, still did her hair and makeup as if she were walking across the stage at Missouri State University. She and her family held a small ceremony in her grandfather’s backyard, and then she stood on the sidewalk in her cap and gown waving at cars with a sign that said “Honk, I did it!” Brenda Sanchez, 22, whose parents are immigrants from Mexico, says they will miss both her graduation from Humboldt State University in California and her sister’s college graduation the next day. “My parents didn’t go to school. They didn’t graduate,” says Sanchez, who is herself an immigrant and is protected from deportation by President Obama’s Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals policy. “Your heart breaks a little. You did work hard, you did earn this degree, but you’re not going to see yourself walk across that stage.”

Instead of graduating into their future lives, many Class of 2020 seniors feel like they’ve gone backward. “We were ready to be in the world as young adults—not good adults, maybe clumsy adults, but some kind of adult,” says Ilana Goldberg, who recently graduated from Tufts University in an online ceremony. “We’re not in the system anymore, but we’re not far enough out of it to have our footing in the world.”

Hannah BeierLauren, Parsons School of Design Class of 2017, and Dylan, Marist College Class of 2017, quarantining in Lauren’s family home in Woodstock, VT

Eric Kolarik, who was supposed to be sitting at his University of Michigan commencement ceremony in early May, is instead back home in Traverse City, Mich., raking leaves, helping his mom with the dishes, doing the same chores he did in high school. “I’m 22 but I’ve assumed the life of 15-year-old Eric again,” he says. “You feel like a failure to launch.”

If only they knew that a stolen senior spring is the least of their problems. The Class of 2020 is falling through a massive hole in the U.S. social-safety net, into a financial downturn that could define their lives for decades to come. Graduating seniors have lost on–campus jobs that got them through school. Many haven’t been working for long enough to qualify for full unemployment. If they’ve been listed as dependents on their parents’ taxes, they don’t get a stimulus check. They haven’t had time to build up significant savings.

Hannah Beier for TIMEDestiny, Drexel University Class of 2019, at home in Palmyra, PA

“I’m not sure they’ve fully processed what 25% unemployment, disproportionately affecting younger Americans, will actually mean,” says John Della Volpe, director of polling at Harvard’s Institute of Politics. He recalls that during the last recession, the Class of 2009 scrambled to scoop up opportunities, “like a game of- -musical chairs.” The Class of 2020, by contrast, is essentially frozen in place by a pandemic that has trapped much of the nation inside their homes. “There almost are no opportunities in any sector,” Della Volpe says. “It’s like suspended animation.”

More than 1 in 5 employers surveyed by the National Association of Colleges and Employers in April said they were rescinding their summer internship offers. The overall number of postings on the online jobs platform ZipRecruiter have fallen by nearly half since mid-February, while new postings for entry-level positions have plummeted more than 75%, according to ZipRecruiter labor economist Julia Pollak. A year ago, less experienced job seekers were enjoying brisk wage growth and rosy job prospects. Now, Pollak says, “it’s particularly hard for new graduates.

Sanchez, who worked two jobs and started her own eyelash-extension business to help pay for school, has applied for more than 70 jobs in recent weeks without success. Williams, who dreams of working in the entertainment industry, had no luck with at least 15 jobs and struck out with fellowships that are no longer taking applicants; now she’s cobbling together gig work. Robertson had planned to try to get a job in labor activism; these days, he’s considering graduate school instead.

Hannah BeierJillian Yagoda with her boyfriend Benjamin Halperin, both in the University of Maryland Class of 2020, in the apartment they share in College Park, Md.

It’s not just dream jobs that have disappeared. Historically, many young people take positions in the retail or restaurant industries as they find their path. According to Pew, of the roughly 19 million 16-to-24-year-olds in the labor force, more than 9 million were employed in the service sector. Suddenly, a significant chunk of those jobs have evaporated. In April alone, the leisure and hospitality industry lost 47% of its total workforce, with 7.7 million workers newly unemployed, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Which means the economic crisis has hit the youngest harder than any other age group. More than half of Americans under 30 say someone in their household has lost a job or taken a pay cut because of the corona-virus crisis, according to Pew, and the youngest workers are more likely than older generations to say that the pandemic has hurt their finances more than other people.

Graduating into a bad economy can affect everything from future earnings to long-term health and happiness. Researchers have found that beginning a career in the teeth of a recession can depress earnings for 10 years, and trigger broader impacts for decades. One study from UCLA and Northwestern found that the young people who came of age -during the early 1980s recession had higher mortality, and were more likely to get divorced, and less likely to have children. Till von Wachter, a UCLA labor economist who has spent years studying this issue, has a name for these young people who enter the labor force at the worst possible moment: “unlucky graduates.”

Hannah BeierSisters Camilla Nappa, Drexel University Class of 2020, and Sophia Nappa, NYU Class of 2022, isolating at their father’s home in St. Louis

Rather than brave a job market battered by COVID-19, some in the Class of 2020 are seeking refuge in graduate school. But that presents its own conundrum. As of 2019, nearly 7 in 10 college students graduated with student loans, with an average tab of nearly $30,000. Going to graduate school can mean –taking on even more debt. “I’m having to take out grad loans, but I can’t work to pay them off,” says Sean Lange, who plans to enroll in a master’s program in public policy after graduating from New York’s Stony Brook University in an online ceremony in May. He’s not even sure he’ll get his money’s worth for the $18,000 annual tuition. Especially if his classes end up being taught online.

All of this—the forgone memories, the abrupt goodbyes, the lost opportunities—will stay with the Class of 2020 forever. “The coronavirus pandemic is the biggest cultural event since World War II,” says Jean Twenge, a psychologist and author of iGen, who studies millennials and Gen Z. “It’s going to have a huge impact on -everyone, but young adults in particular.”

Hannah BeierMagda, Drexel University Class of 2022, with her family in Lynbrook, NY

Even before COVID-19, much of Gen Z was disappointed in the government response to the issues facing their generation. These are the students who joined the March for Our Lives gun-safety movement amid near weekly school shootings, and went on strike over inaction on climate change. They were too young to be swept up in Barack Obama’s 2008 campaign, but old enough to gravitate toward Bernie Sanders’ message of progressive revolution in the 2016 primary. Those who were old enough to vote overwhelmingly opposed President Trump in that year’s general election. They favor student debt reform and universal health care. They are the most -racially diverse generation in U.S. history.

Their skepticism of public institutions is largely fueled by a sense that the government is doing too little, not too much. A study last year by Pew Research Center found that 7 in 10 wanted the government to “do more to solve problems.” The divide is generational, not political: more than half of Gen Z Republicans say they want the government to do more. (Less than a third of older Republicans agree.)

Near mandatory use of social media has already contributed to sky-high levels of depression and anxiety among Gen Z, according to Twenge. She analyzed data from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health and found that the number of young adults reporting symptoms of major depression had increased 63% between 2009 and 2017, with a marked turning point around 2012, when smartphone use first became widespread. The pandemic has likely only made them more anxious and disillusioned. Pew found that Americans between 18 and 29 are more likely than older ones to feel depressed during the pandemic, and less hopeful about the future than the senior citizens who are far more vulnerable to the disease caused by the virus.

Hannah Beier for TIMEKathryn Murashige, Drexel University Class of 2020, in the sunroom of her childhood home in Kennett Square, Pa.

Which helps explain why young activists view this as a now-or-never moment for their cohort. They know that the pandemic will shape their futures, even if it’s not yet clear exactly how. “Either we will end up with a generation that is far more resilient than earlier generations,” says Varshini Prakash, a leader of the Gen Z–powered Sunrise Movement, “or it could be a generation that is far more nihilistic, and far less likely to engage in our politics because they’ve seen the institutions fail them at the times they really needed it.” The youngest cohort of Americans “could be traumatized for life,” says Robert Reich, a former U.S. Labor Secretary who is now a professor of public policy at University of California, Berkeley. “They could turn economically and socially inward. They could lose faith in all institutions, and they are trending in that direction anyway.”

In other countries, like Egypt, Tunisia and Spain, widespread unemployment among educated young people has led to social unrest or radicalization, mostly because of a sense of betrayal. They think, “we thought there was some kind of bargain, a social contract, that if we play by the rules we get a job at the end of all of this,” says Heath Prince, a research scientist at University of Texas at Austin. So far youth unemployment in the U.S. is mostly correlated with drug addiction and right-wing extremism, Prince says, and hasn’t tipped into the realm of mass uprisings. Then again, -unemployment hasn’t been this high in nearly 80 years.

“My generation isn’t feeling like they’re being spoken to or listened to, and at the same time, a lot of us are becoming economically disenfranchised,” says Robertson, the University of California, Berkeley, graduate who studied the New Deal. “I definitely think a lot of us have lost confidence in the government.”

The only way to address an unemployment rate reminiscent of the 1930s, according to some scholars, students and activists, is a federal government response that echoes the scale of 1930s reforms. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s New Deal included major initiatives to get young Americans back to work. Six days after he took office in 1933, Roosevelt proposed the Civilian Conservation Corps: within four months, the federal government had hired 300,000 young men to plant trees and maintain parks and trails. Three million young people were ultimately employed as part of the program. In 1935, Roosevelt created the National Youth Administration (NYA) as part of the Works Progress Administration, designed to give young Americans work-study and job training. (A young Lyndon B. Johnson got an early political break as an administrator of the NYA program in Texas.) The Americans employed by these New Deal programs grew into the selfless, patriotic army that fought World War II, now known as the “Greatest Generation.”

Some Democrats say the COVID-19 pandemic calls for a similar approach. Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts has called for a ���Coronavirus Containment Corps,” to expand the public-health workforce and employ an army of contact-tracers to help fight the spread of the virus. (Warren, an admirer of the New Deal, noted the CCC acronym is no coincidence.) Senator Chris Coons (D., Del.) joined with Senator Bill Cassidy (R., La.) to champion a national service bill that would expand Americorps and fund 750,000 jobs to help train new health care workers to fight COVID-19. And proponents of a Green New Deal, like Prakash and Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York, are working to shape the environmental policy of presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden.

Given Republicans’ skepticism of big government programs, none of these ideas are likely to make it through Mitch McConnell’s Senate or onto President Trump’s desk. But the political landscape has already shifted the universe of the possible, with Republicans agreeing to recovery measures—such as sending $1,200 stimulus checks to eligible working Americans—that would have been unthinkable only months ago. And if Democrats reclaim the Senate and the White House, broader reform could be closer than it looks. Young people who are skeptical of government’s ability to solve big problems say their faith can be restored. “I have no faith in this Administration and this government,” explains Lange, the Stony Brook public-policy student. “But I believe in Big Government.”

Eric Kolarik spent his last semester at the University of Michigan working on a paper about the 1918 flu pandemic. Now, with classes canceled and his job search on ice, his copy of The Great Influenza is on his childhood bookshelf, alongside his old high school copies of The Crucible and Of Mice and Men. “There will be a sort of unity that the Class of 2020 has with each other, and it’s not fond memories,” he says. “People will say, ‘You’re the Class of 2020,’ and everyone will know what that meant.”

The pandemic has marked the end of one phase for this unlucky cohort. The recovery could mark the beginning of another.

Cover photograph in collaboration with Melissa Nesta

via https://cutslicedanddiced.wordpress.com/2018/01/24/how-to-prevent-food-from-going-to-waste

[sweetsweetnathan]

Robyn and Evadaro, Chapter One

[Author’s note: The first chapter of an extended FFXIV fan fiction I’m working on. The story will follow Robyn and Evadaro, naturally, but first I must set up the characters, starting with the last day of Robyn’s childhood. I hope you enjoy.]

Chapter One: Last day in Ul'dah    Robyn Sawyer was born and raised in Ul'dah, the son of two Hyur traders who doted upon him dearly. He began showing signs of aetheric potential early on in his life, and while a child does not cast the most impressive magic, it cannot be overstated how exciting it can be for a parent to watch their child suddenly develop the ability to shoot sparks from their fingertips. From age five Robyn was encouraged to pursue even greater feats of magical spectacle. Because of this, by age twelve he had learned to love the attention of others. He had dark hair and a slender frame with delicate facial features, attractive qualities in Ul'dah, and excelled in almost every academic subject (allowing him to quietly avoid taking too many of the physical education classes in which he was an utter failure). Everything in Robyn’s life seemed to go his way. 

     On the eighth sun of the third astral moon in the eighteenth year of his life, that all changed.

      It was a sunny day as Robyn made his way home from school. Of all the seasons Robyn enjoyed the last month of spring the most. It was such a nostalgic time, even for a man as young as him. The wind brought the smell of the grey cobblestone streets right to the forefront of one’s senses. Sunlight shined for more than half the waking day, dispelling the shadows of every alley and avenue in the city. It made Robyn feel as if he was opening his eyes for the first time since the end of summer, allowing him to see every nook and cranny he had explored when he was a child. That day was particularly nostalgic though, for it was the last day of Robyn’s childhood.

   "Graduation,“ Robyn rolled the word around in his head. He had thought the word so many times that it wasn’t a word anymore, just a series of syllables: "Grah. Juu. Ay. Shun.” From high school he would graduate to the Thaumaturgy Guild, as was usual. “But why is that usual?” he pondered, “What makes tomorrow any different from today? Why the fanfare? I’m not even changing schools.” The more he thought about it the more he felt like he was looking at a painting whose artistic merit was lost on him. “Perhaps it’s an old custom. A hold-over from school systems that don’t teach magic. Perhaps it’s just an excuse to throw a party. There are worse reasons… Or perhaps it’s to signal my expected growth from a boy into a man.”        Some part of his brain was wise enough to know this was the correct answer, though he was cautious to admit it. To acknowledge the expectation that he grow up was to admit that it was necessary. “Growing up” was not like “graduation”– he had not thought of it so much. The concept of leaving the nest of his parents’ security was a storm cloud on the horizon of his mind. Sometimes when he was alone and it was quiet Robyn would imagine living without the aid of his parents, or the attention of his friends, or the admiration of his teachers. He would then perish the thought immediately.    Robyn was in the process of perishing that very thought as he entered his home. Lost in thought he nearly didn’t notice that his parents were waiting in the living room for him. When he did he saw they were both on the couch. They both looked like they had been there for hours. Tears were in his mother’s eyes. Robyn went to his parents.    "Mom, dad, everything okay?“ he asked.    Robyn’s father said, "Robyn, you should sit down. We have to talk.”    Robyn did as instructed. His father had said these words once before, when Robyn was a child. It was how he told Robyn his dog had died.    "What’s going on?“ Robyn asked.    "Your mother and I have made a decision. It’s not a decision you’re going to like, but it’s in your best interests. I just want you to know that.”    "What is it?“ Robyn’s stomach was beginning to churn.    "We have to– we have to–” his mother couldn’t form words.    Robyn’s father spoke: “Something happened, Robyn, and we have to send you away.”    Robyn didn’t respond. He searched his parents’ eyes for a moment. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for. He was racking his brain for a possible explanation for what his father had just said. When he realized he had no explanation, that he was totally baffled, all the response he could muster was, “…What?”    "Something has happened. You know of the Garlean Empire, don’t you? Well I’ve heard tell from the other traders that the Empire has mobilized its fleet for the first time since the Calamity. Do you know what this means, Robyn?“    Robyn’s father would always do this: When Robyn was in trouble, he wouldn’t just say "You’re in trouble.” He’d pose it as a question. “What are you up to?” “Are you sure you want to do that?” “Do you know what you’re doing?” Robyn shifted in his seat.    "No, what does it mean?“    Robyn’s father’s eyes softened. He could see his son’s fear. "My boy,” he said, “my boy it’s so unfair. It might make no sense to you. You cannot see what I see. But I’m going to tell you anyway, because someday I hope you understand: Soon the world will be at war. There will be a period of at least a year where the governments of Eorzea try to prevent it… But war will come, as sure as the tides.”    Robyn’s gaze drifted away, unsure how to react. He said, “Okay, but why are you sending me away? Did I do something wrong?”    "No!“ His mother blurted, "No, you did nothing wrong darling. It’s just… Oh dear…” More crying. Robyn’s eyes went to his father pleadingly.    "I don’t understand, dad. What does this war have to do with us?“    Robyn’s father responded in a cool and rehearsed tone, "There will be many upheavals in the coming year, Robyn. There will be political division among the people of Eorzea. Some will want to go to war, some will not. Then there will be a disaster, something to motivate them to abolish all dissent. The war itself will begin after that, and those who command it will demand sacrifice from every member of society. Food will grow scarce. Disease will spread. And when one country or another prepares to fall, there will be a draft. Young men like yourself pulled out of school to go and fight. I don’t want to imagine what will happen after that. So we’re sending you away, to Limsa Lominsa. It’s far away from anywhere that the Empire can attack. You’ll be safe there.”    "Limsa Lominsa? But what about school? I’m supposed to attend the Thaumaturgy Guild in the fall.“    "You will study at the Arcanist’s Guild instead. They will appreciate your talents there.”    "But my friends are here! And I don’t know a thing about Arcanistry!“ Robyn shot to his feet, suddenly full of energy, "Why are you doing this?!”    Robyn’s father looked up at him with heavy eyes. Robyn clenched his fist. Robyn’s mother always told him he had his father’s eyes. Robyn thought about that whenever he got frustrated with his father. He thought about what it must feel like to be scorned by one’s own eyes. Both Robyn and his father held in their tears with equal, quiet dignity.    Robyn’s father said, “Because I love you, Robyn. And whatever happens I cannot bear to see you sent off to war.”    With that the conversation ended. Robyn had no more ground on which to argue.    Robyn graduated high school the next day. He told his friends and mentors that he was leaving, though he omitted his father’s prophecy of war. Robyn said goodbye to everyone and promised he’d see them again soon, even as he was certain that this was a lie. “If anything Dad says comes true, they’ll all be dead within a year, right?”    All that was left was one last goodbye: Sarah Shelly.    Sarah was the sun and the moon to Robyn, though he had never told her as much. Robyn knew that if he confessed his affections to Sarah that he would likely disappear into the background, becoming not a friend, but one of many men who fell for her charms. It was the simple things; her sweet attitude, her quiet, shy demeanor, her abnormally well-developed body, her sweet laugh…    Robyn made no motion towards his true feelings. That is, until the last time they ever saw each other: The day before Robyn left.    "Sarah,“ Robyn had arrived at her door breathless with nervousness. "Sarah I need to talk to you.”    "What is it?“ She was blonde and perfect in the whistling Ul'dah night. Robyn found himself at a loss for a moment, his mind more chemical impulses than thoughts. Finally he said,    "I’m going tomorrow. My parents are sending me to Limsa Lominsa to become an Arcanist.”    "I heard. I’m sad to see you go. But you’ll be alright, won’t you?“    "More than alright,” Robyn forced a cocky smile, “but there’s more. I wanted to tell you something that I’ve been wanting to tell you since the day I met you.”    Sarah’s eyes lost all their sympathy. “Oh,” she said, “oh crap. Robyn, can I stop you right there?”    "I love you, Sarah–“ Robyn spoke quickly, but his words suddenly caught in his throat. He could not summon another utterance until it hit him what Sarah had said. "Pardon?”    "I know what you’re going to say. You love me. You’ve always loved me. You’re going to become famous and come back to me, then marry me. Right?“    Robyn took a moment to process his situation: Sarah knew. Did she always know? Did she spend her time with him dreading the day he finally made his feelings known? Could she have even pitied him? In a way Robyn felt attacked by her insight. That she knew, but never addressed it indicated she didn’t have a high opinion of Robyn’s feelings.    Robyn said, "I don’t know about famous, but I promise I will become someone great. Someone remarkable and important. And I hope you’ll remember me while I’m away.”    Sarah sighed and leaned her head against her door frame. She said back, “What were you expecting, Robyn? That I would leap into your arms? Kiss you? Tell you I love you back? Robyn, let me ask you something… And don’t be mad when I ask it… But why do you think I’d remember you?”    Robyn said nothing. He wasn’t ready for this. He had no answers to her questions. There was nothing he could say to make his feelings sound more profound or noble than she described them. Or if there was something he could say, it eluded him completely. Robyn just wished he could go back to when high school graduation was his biggest concern. Sarah could see that he had no reaction. She went on:    "You’re just so plain. So boring. And it’s not your fault, all boys your age are like that. Trust me. Maybe you will become someone big and impressive. But that’s not now. That’s not the boy I know. Don’t ask me to remember that boy. Please? All it’ll do is make me very sad.“    Between the two youths stood a dense silence. Robyn’s looked everywhere but at Sarah. He didn’t want to cry in front of her. He didn’t want to look weak. But even so, she had condemned him in his totality. He felt undressed in front of her, vulnerable and at the same time rejected. For a moment Robyn wanted to lash out at her. All the doom-saying his father had espoused before was still gnawing at the inside of Robyn’s subconscious, but now it reared to the front of Robyn’s mind. He imagined telling Sarah that in a year she would be dead, that an Empire from very far away was coming to destroy everything, and Robyn was the only one who was going to survive. Robyn’s heart had been pounding, although he had just realized it, and all of his nervous energy seemed ready to turn into white-hot fury…    …And yet when Robyn found himself at the zenith of his frustration he was overcome with tranquility. "Saying that would be wrong,” he thought. All the anger seemed to leave his body. A heavy melancholy replaced it. Robyn accepted defeat.    Robyn said, “Okay. Goodbye, Sarah.” then turned and walked away from her house for the last time.    In the Ul'dah night Robyn found no comfort. The whole city offended him now. Every childhood memory felt like an insult, every familiar avenue a prison. He realized he could not look down a single street and see something that he hadn’t seen a million times before. Ul'dah was a sprawling maze, but it was a maze Robyn had solved. It was mundane. Boring. And by being a mouse in that maze, he was even smaller. He walked down the main street looking up at the lights illuminating the apartments. How many tiny little people lived here? How important could his life possibly be in such a gigantic web of lives? He felt like a flame that could be snuffed out by the most incidental gust of wind.    "Everything that ever happened to me happened here. And someday it will all be gone. This city will fall, either by the wrath of empires or the slow decay of time, and all that I ever was will pass out of memory.“    Robyn found a spot to sit down near the Ruby Road Exchange. For a moment Robyn thought about how he might hold on to those precious memories of childhood. But the more he thought about them the more offensive their transience became. 

   "My memories… My childhood… It’s all an illusion, isn’t it? There’s a reality to this world that I know nothing about… How damned stupid am I that I couldn’t see it? And I still can’t see it! All I’ve ever seen is this damned city!”    Robyn was sure now that he hated Ul'dah. He hated his school. He hated his classmates, his teachers, his Thaumaturgy, the trades his parents lived on, the pavement on the streets, the desert air, the lamplights, and the high spires that loomed pretentiously above all of it. He balled his hands into impotent fists and finally allowed himself to cry.    "Fine! If that’s the way it is, then I will face the world that lies beyond the ‘illusion of youth’! No matter what it is!“

[getyourblisson]

Equinox Portal Energy

I don’t usually share portal energy from The Code Journey; but felt there might be some useful and important information to keep in mind during this time.

September 22nd is the point of our Equinox this year.  In the Northern Hemisphere it is the Autumn Equinox and in the Southern Hemisphere it is the Spring Equinox.  As spiritual and powerful as the Equinox portals are, their natural energy can bring a great amount of rebellion, power plays, control, secrets and the exposure of them.  They are a time where people will not be silenced.

 If we look at the codes of just the Equinox alone we find that it is all about freedom  Whether people like the truth or not, there is always a bit of a relief or release when it surfaces.  This is because things are no longer hidden in the recesses of uncertainty; and once known can be dealt with and accepted.  In its own way it gets us unstuck.

 With Spring Equinox energy there is naturally upheaval and revolution.  This is much like someone that has been pent up all winter and has to get outside again.  The energy has an urgency and rebellion to it for being restricted in some way.  It is the energy of protest and upheaval. However, when we see how that plays out on Earth the energy actually becomes creative; and thus is a portal that naturally favors artists, writers, musicians, alchemy, and even chemists.

 The Autumn Equinox energy is naturally one that is about power plays, abuse, and control in general. This is when we see those that are feeling threatened try to silence those that are trying to speak the truth. On Earth this plays out as competition between power sources.  It is a time where human rights become of greater importance, and can be a powerful time for people to stand up to their abusers or find their voice.

 In either aspect of the Equinox we find a sense of where people have had enough and are willing to fight for what they believe in whether they are “wrong” or “right”. Either way battle energy is at hand. Fortunately, this year adds an energy current that is favorable for these Equinox energies.  Considering the year itself has enough happening, it is nice to see that there are benefits to be derived.

 By the base influences a Spring Equinox on Earth is in the ruling position.  This coincides with all of nature as it is a time of birth, new cycles and new beginnings, and is on the waxing part of the year.  Thus with this portal the shift of influence moves from the Northern Hemisphere to the Southern Hemisphere; each one getting to be in the position of influence for 6 months.

 This year power is definitely on the forefront with this Equinox Portal in the Southern Hemisphere. There is a natural essence of magic in the air, and very powerful at that.  They have the power and influence to create almost any reality for us here on Earth.  So really the only question becomes will the magic they use be dark or light.  Whether they rise or fall from power will be based on who those in positions of power seek to surround themselves with.  A fall from power can happen when one is surrounded by those that are making unwise choices.  A rise in power comes from standing in confidence and being surrounded by those that are making wise choices.

  This year, those in power will have to be making more choices for the welfare of the people; not just their own, but all throughout the Earth.  They will need to lead people into greater unity and consciousness if they are to maintain their power.  That being said, we have to be careful about following people only because they are in a position of power.  A leader can lead their flock to safety or slaughter; and if the flock does not know the difference, they could be in for great trouble.

 We will be able to tell most likely by how disruptive the Earth is at that time.  With the natural energy of upheaval, if power sources are not working to bring greater peace and unity; then they will bring great destruction to their lands.  So this year’s energy could be where we see why so many find the Southern part of our planet so spiritual and powerful; or why we may find it full of disturbance with earthquakes, fires, volcanic eruptions, and other forceful storms which could devastate even places of spiritual reverence.

 So we might say that our Southern friends are responsible for keeping the light in more way than one at this time.  They hold nature’s light of the Sun.  They hold the light of compassionate power.  They hold the light of the Spirit in their hands.  Now what will you do with that?  Your choices affect us all.

 In turn by base influences the Autumn Equinox is moving into observation, rest, restoration, reflection.  Its energy wanes, they are completing cycles, wrapping things up, releasing, and preparing to be in stillness.  With the shift of the power to the Southern Hemisphere it is no wonder that trust issues can arise at this time as victim patterns surge for those that are not comfortable when others are in power.  The Northern Hemisphere sits in trust that the Southern Hemisphere will choose wisely and nurture it in its time of rest.

 It is interesting to think how many elections of government officials are held in the fall time period.  To consider this we will find that any ruler that comes into office at this time of year in the Southern Hemisphere is one to watch as they are likely to hold great power in our world.  Of course this depends on how their individual codes look; but there is no doubt that the Earth will show favor to them.

 In the Northern Hemisphere this year, the competition energy seems to be magnified; and that can lead to great division among the countries and the people within the countries of this Hemisphere.  Oh my, when will we learn that there is nothing to be gained by fighting among each other?  There is a glimmer of hope though; and that comes from us so called laying down our weapons and getting along with each other.

 It is time for us to realize that competition is never over anything worthwhile; because anything worthwhile does not have to be fought for.  There is no better than or worse than, so competition has no point but to feed insecurities, false programs, and to make us puppets to those that care nothing about us.  Any win in a competition is empty; and it holds no value.  Since we are all unique individuals, holding great value in our own individual piece that we carry of the light; there cannot be any better or worse then.  If we remember that we are all connected regardless of our individuality; then we will also realize that the fight is only really with our own self, and not others but only the piece of yourself that you are in battle with.

 Abundance and harvest energy is very evident and available to the Northern Hemisphere.  They have the ability to prosper, and there is plenty for everyone.  However, to experience that, they must stop fighting with themselves, with others, with the world.  When we share what we have there is more than enough for all.  When we stand in abundance which comes from working together we will know more abundance and will have much to celebrate.

 It is through the abundance pattern that we have enough to see ourselves through periods of rest and restoration.  Our farmers of old knew this.  They worked together and not in competition with each other.  They shared with one another and helped each other out; and it was through those principles that they could grow and preserve enough to see them through the long cold and tough winters.  In olden days if your neighbor starved, then so did you.  We need to activate this consciousness again.

 So our focuses with this portal energy are that those in the Southern Hemisphere with compassion come into power; and those in power there surround themselves with the wisdom of compassion.  In the Northern Hemisphere we are to bring forth abundance consciousness; and do what we can to take care of each other.  Globally, we are to come together and work with one another for the well-being of all.  There is no half making it and half not; it is all or nothing.

 It makes this portal a powerful time to focus on world peace, compassion, and sharing.  For those that are willing to come together in that energy and are powered with the true abundance mindset which is rooted in compassion; they will be the ones that come to rule this world.  This is written in nearly every scripture and belief system.  It has nothing to do with anyone knowing their name or not; they will still be the forces that govern the world

 I welcome you to stand in the truth and embrace it; whether you like it or not.

 I welcome you to stay out of battle; and try to see things as they are without making them “right” or “wrong”.

 I welcome you to consider if those around you are choosing wisely.

 I welcome you to create your own path where possible instead of feeling the need to follow others.

 I welcome you to honor the natural cycles of rest or action.

 I welcome you to embrace who you are, and be aware of the unique things about you and your own style of doing things.

 I welcome you to stop fighting with yourself, with others, and with the world.

 I welcome you to find ways to work with others instead of against them, without sacrificing your own self in the process.

 I welcome you to consider how bringing peace to your own self and life, brings peace to the world.

The Code Journey ~ Jesse An Nichols George

[msarki]

Best Books I Read in 2017

The year 2017 motivated my wife and I to consider making new and enormous changes to our daily lives.  In light of this upheaval, it proved to be a rather good year for serious reading. Returning to Florida after a summer in northern Michigan somehow provided a balm for all that ails us, even while facing the nagging memory of dealing in September 2016 with hurricane Matthew, our first hurricane, and then being freshly attacked by that beast of a lady Irma in 2017. Because of having to repair our wooden fence again, re-staking a few dozen trees, and performing extensive debris cleanup, my wife and I decided to list for sale our little renovation project, buy a travel trailer, and hit the open road.  Our new home on wheels went into production on December 21 and will be ready for us to retrieve come March 6 of 2018. The house has been listed for sale since Thanksgiving.  

In 2017 I did manage to read my fair share of good books, but again woefully lacked the number of five-star reads I historically have grown accustomed to procuring.  I restrict my annual year-end report to only those books that garner a five-star ranking from me. This does not mean the lesser seventy or so books I read were not worthy of my time or trouble. I often remember segments from minor works more vividly than those worthy of five-stars. Notable authors whose books I did read that surprisingly failed to warrant that coveted ranking included Thomas Bernhard, Per Petterson, Henry David Thoreau, Raymond Carver, Sam Shepard, Leo Tolstoy, Thomas Berger, Deborah Levy, Michael Perry, Adam Phillips, Christine Angot, Eric Clapton, Nick Mason, and Karl Ove Knausgård.  I did enjoy reading these authors, and a few of them even more than once. For example I read the entire oeuvre of Wisconsinite Michael Perry and at least three additional titles by my favorite contemporary philosopher Adam Phillips.

The first of my five star classifications for the year went to A Really Big Lunch: Meditations on Food and Life from the Roving Gourmand  by Jim Harrison. Regardless of Harrison’s periodic poetic dirges of drivel, he is an American treasure. An iconic figure cut of gluttonous gourmet and storytelling of the first rank. That is, when his writing centers on food, friends, hunting, and fishing. A sad day indeed when it was reported he had died. But we who read him for over forty years knew it was coming. He drank too much and lived too heartily to have lasted even as long as he did. And this fascinating and rewarding book proves it. Quite an amazing and captivating read.

A courageous new fiction title produced a year ago that has yet to receive its rightful due is my own Ailene Nou, a novella of the first rank regardless of its rather sporadic and spotty readership. I am certain that one day the book will be discovered.  Meanwhile, I am happy simply to continue living my life as I read and I write.  

Damion Searls produced not only a riveting study on the man Rorschach and his Inkblot Test, but what was to come from his labor and where it might be leading us now. The Inkblots: Hermann Rorschach, His Iconic Test, and the Power of Seeing is a work crafted by a master wordsmith obviously willing to delve deeply into his subject.  I could not recommend a book more highly than I do this one.

For probably the fourth time since its publication I again read Pond by Claire-Louise Bennett. Such an amazing book, seemingly about nothing, but brimming with meaning.  Every chapter feels as if you had been sitting there in the kitchen as she relates perhaps insignificant details about her life to you but makes them full and always clever, charming, and extremely interesting.  The more she shares her travails and proclivities the greater involved I become and thus grow more than enamored with her as a person of interest to me.  Never do I deem her choice of words pretentious or out of place with what she is accounting.  Needless to say, I love her style.

For me, Lily Tuck’s Sisters was a barn burner. I first learned of Lily Tuck in a fiction-writing class Gordon Lish was conducting during the summer of 1995 in Bloomington, Indiana.  Tuck was another of the many writers Lish had acquired in his writing stable as editor for seventeen years at Alfred Knopf.  Lish loudly championed the skills of Lily Tuck and brought her to the attention of perhaps hundreds of his students. And because there were so many writers the great Lish published in his tenure at Knopf, and for the most part commercial failures amounting to a high percentage, Tuck has gone basically unnoticed by the mainstream, even though she won the coveted 2004 National Book Award in fiction for her novel The News from Paraguay.  Her first book however, Interviewing Matisse or the Woman Who Died Standing Up, published by Knopf and edited by Gordon Lish, was a tiresome and rattling drivel inaccessible to me which felt somewhat pretentious. But after reading this five-star wonder titled Sisters I am intent now on a sufficiently renewed attack on her other books as soon as possible.  Tuck is certainly sophisticated, obviously born of the cultural elite.  And few writers can make you feel you are with them in the room.  She plays her instrument adroitly, disregarding the consequences of infidelities, and making them all feel worth it.

The Book of Dolores by William T. Vollmann was one of three titles written by him that I read this year. Though very good, the other ones did not measure up to this book. Vollmann put his heart on the line here, and shared with this reader the greatest demand placed on it; his agonizing need to belong.  How many of us are brave enough to say it, and strong enough to thrive in spite of it? Meanwhile, I am slowly plowing my way through some of his other literary offerings, which amount to many.

To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf is one of the most beautifully written books I have ever read. Not much to offer in the typical plot-driven genre, but a generous array of dream states in which only the best hallucinogens could induce. Hard to believe it took this long for me to pull this book off the shelf.

Nate Blakeslee in American Wolf: A True Story of Survival and Obsession in the West is a riveting history of the wolf, long-hated and feared for centuries due to myth and innuendo, and its re-introduction to protected lands once eradicated of them. The feature story throughout this sad but fascinating book centers on its main characters, good and bad, both man and wolf.  Uplifting and at times defeating, this fine work brings important focus on a subject well worth our time.  The fact that Congress and our bureaucracies continue to enable and sell-out to the corporate hunting and ranching industry at the cost of the treasured wolf is a travesty.  Every year our government agencies, established to serve and protect us, destroy thousands of wolves on our tax dollar. There is detail galore in this book to help us learn more about the social behavior of wolf and man.  And it is sad that wolves prove themselves more humane and conservative than humans are.

Why Bob Dylan Matters by Richard F. Thomas ranks at the top when it comes to being scholarly.  Part of a long-standing Harvard class taught by Thomas, this distillation dissects no few examples of Dylan’s now-classic role in producing great works by stealing from others.  More importantly, however, Bob Dylan makes what he steals his own.  No small task and something only a very few distinctive artists can pull of successfully. But the great ones in fact do exactly that.  What interests me most is Dylan’s process of creation based on the studies, experience, and knowledge of the professor’s obsession with great Classic art.  It is no stretch to state that Dylan is one of the best in the business and well-deserving of his 2016 Nobel Prize for Literature.

Raymond Carver's What We Talk About When We Talk About Love: Bookmarked

by Brian Evenson is a multi-faceted memoir and critical review focusing on the work of Raymond Carver as well as the writing career of the author Brian Evenson. This engaging work highlights the parallels and genesis devolved within both their somewhat parallel literary relationship with the infamous editor Gordon Lish.  Evenson details similar editing practices in his own personal relationship with the editor Lish. To Evenson’s credit he admits to sometimes happily, and at times reluctantly, accepting a Lish revision, but he also had the courage to resist him. Carver did not exhibit the same courage in confronting the great Lish until Carver was already famous. Raymond Carver holds his own personal place setting strapped into the yoke and hardware of sin of their collaborative endeavor.  And as much as I love and admire the fiction of Raymond Carver, he was not exactly honest in his portrayal of what really did occur. This book chronicles a most fascinating piece of literary history.

In I Married You for Happiness by Lily Tuck, Nina’s husband Phillip is dead.  By holding his gradually cooling hand, Nina, for one entire night, remembers the defining moments of their long life together as husband and wife. Private intimacies, dark secrets, and overwhelming joys.  How to connect with someone, even after living forty years with them? All are individuals. Best we can hope for are momentary connections. Memories. Challenges. Threats to what we deem secure. Imagine spending the entire night alone with your dead spouse. Touching, but more importantly, something she needs for closure. And for those contiguous moments she remains too shocked to grieve.  Lily Tuck in 2017 has twice bought me all out with her sophisticated prose.

I finished this five-star year with Joan Richardson in How to Live, What to Do: Thirteen Ways of Looking at Wallace Stevens which produced for us a most distinctive and valuable tool in order to help us view the world through the eyes of Wallace Stevens. And in essence, Stevens provides us new glasses in which we may see for ourselves the possibilities that will always exist if we maintain the courage to keep looking.  Richardson provides an advanced course a scholar might take in discovering an even better way into the mind and work of Wallace Stevens.  But this is not the book to initially begin with.  Too much would be lost on the unspoiled and uninitiated among us.  Instead, the greater primer would be to simply read Wallace Stevens. And if his poems resound, or connect to you in any way, further study may be warranted and result in your seeking out this book.

Stevens’s poems are exercises in meditation, designed to loosen inherited, outworn habits of thought inappropriate to honoring the life of all things on the planet of which we are a part…

To all my friends, please enjoy a happy and safe holiday.

[newstechreviews]

When Caitie Bossart returned to the U.S. from a weeklong trip to the U.K., her dating life ought to have been the least of her problems. A part-time nanny looking for full-time work, she found her inbox filled with messages from companies that had instituted hiring freezes and from families who no longer wanted to bring a babysitter into their homes in response to the spread of COVID-19. Her aunt, whom she had been living with, prevailed upon Bossart to isolate herself at an Airbnb for 14 days upon her return, even as Bossart’s economic future looked uncertain.

At least Bossart wouldn’t be alone: She had met a great guy on the dating app Hinge about a month before her trip and had gone on five dates with him. She liked him, more than anyone she’d ever dated. When their state issued stay-at-home orders, they decided to hole up together. They ordered takeout and watched movies. In lieu of visiting museums or restaurants, they took long walks. They built a bond that felt at once artificial—trying to keep things light, they avoided the grimmer coronavirus-related topics that might dim the honeymoon period of a relationship—and promising. Under no other circumstance would they have spent such uninterrupted time together, and over the course of their confinement, her feelings for him grew.

But six days into it, Bossart’s crush was ordered to self-isolate for 14 days so he could take up a six-month job posting abroad. On top of job anxiety, worries about her living situation and stress about her family’s health, Bossart faced the prospect of not seeing this man for the better part of a year.

“I’m 35, which is that ‘dreaded age’ for women, or whatever,” she says. “I don’t know if I should wait, if I can wait. It’s scary.”

Since COVID-19 swept across the U.S., much has been made—and rightly so—of the plights of families facing economic and social upheaval: how co-habitating couples are adapting to sharing a workspace at home, how parents are juggling work with teaching their children trigonometry while schools are closed, how people cannot visit their parents or older relatives, even on their deathbeds, for fear of spreading the virus.

The challenges faced by singles, though, particularly millennials and those of Gen Z, have often been fodder for comedy. Instagram users are creating accounts dedicated to screenshotting terrible dating app pickup lines like, “If the virus doesn’t take you out, can I?” Twitter users have jumped to compare the situation with the Netflix reality series Love Is Blind, in which contestants talk to each other in isolated pods, unable to see or touch their dates. But for singles who have yet to find partners much less start families, isolation means the loss of that portion of life most young adults count on to forge grown-up friendships and romantic relationships.

Katia RepinaA couple in Domino Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn on April 4th, 2020.

These digital natives, who through online apps have enjoyed a freedom to manage their social lives and romantic entanglements that previous generations lacked—swiping left or right, ghosting a bore, scheduling a late-night hookup—now find themselves unable to exercise that independence. And for those who graduated from college into the last great recession with heavy student debt, there is the added worry of staring into another financial abyss as everything from gig work to full-time employment evaporates. Just as they were on the cusp of full-on adulthood, their futures are more in doubt than ever.

A 28-year-old woman who works in fashion and lives alone in New York echoed Bossart’s sentiments about her life being derailed. “The loneliness has definitely started to hit. I have great friends and family, but a relationship is still missing, and who knows when that will be back up and running,” she says. “I would be lying if I said my biological clock hadn’t crossed my mind. I have plenty of time, but if this lasts 6 months—it just means that much longer before I can eventually have a baby.”

Keep up to date with our daily coronavirus newsletter by clicking here.

That sense of mild dread is legitimate and widely shared, if rarely spoken aloud, and will only become more common as orders to isolate spread across the country.

Dacher Keltner, a University of California, Berkeley sociologist who studies the impact of touch, worries about the long-term impact of social distancing on singles who live alone. He contends the fabric of society is held together by even the smallest physical contact. “Touch is as important a social condition as anything,” Keltner says. “It reduces stress. It makes people trust one another. It allows for cooperation. When you look at people in solitary confinement suffering from touch deprivation, you see that people lose a sense that someone’s got their back, that they’re part of a community and connected to others.”

Worse still, loneliness can affect an individual’s health. Studies have shown extreme loneliness is associated with the immune system increasing inflammation. “Under normal circumstances, when you feel lonely, you run the risk of a stressed, compromised health profile,” Keltner says. “Add to that the quarantine, and that really elevates the severity.”

Katia RepinaA couple in Domino Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn on April 4th, 2020.

And then there’s the obvious carnal problem. The New York Board of Health issued guidelines on sex in the time of coronavirus, encouraging New Yorkers to avoid hookups and gently suggesting substituting masturbation for intercourse: “You are your safest sex partner.” The hilariously blatant government warning quickly went viral on social networks, but as the reality of abstinence has set in for New Yorkers, people are starting to wonder how their comfort with physical intimacy may forever be changed. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergies and Infectious Diseases and a key member of the White House’s coronavirus task force, has already said, “I don’t think we should ever shake hands ever again.” Keltner adds that singles might fundamentally alter how they interact with strangers on first dates: Even once there is a cure for the coronavirus or the pandemic passes, an entire generation will think twice before hugging a stranger on a first, second, even third date.

“Right now, sex feels like something I may never have again,” said the anonymous New Yorker working in fashion. “People are going to have to start getting creative in terms of contact with men. Skype sex may get really popular. But how long can that last?” How we date during coronavirus is already shifting, perhaps permanently.

We are social creatures and of course will find ways to continue to date—primarily via Skype, FaceTime, Zoom and other video call apps. “Romantic love will never die,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at the Kinsey Institute who has conducted hundreds of MRI scans on smitten people to see love’s effect on our brains. She says that our brains treat romantic love as a central need, like thirst and hunger. “Thirst and hunger aren’t going to die, and neither are feelings of love and attachment that allow you to pass your DNA to the next generation,” she says. Plus, novel times trigger dopamine in the brain, and we are certainly living through novel times.

Home, alone and in some cases without a job, single people are spending more time swiping right on dating apps to find love, particularly in the cities hardest hit by the virus: Bumble reports a 21% increase in messages sent in Seattle, 23% increase in New York City and 26% increase in San Francisco since March 12, a day after the World Health Organization labeled the coronavirus a global pandemic. The use of in-app video chatting on Bumble, a feature many users didn’t even know existed before the coronavirus spread, increased 93% across the country between March 13—the day President Donald Trump declared a national emergency—and March 27, with in-app calls and video chats averaging 29 minutes. Hinge, similarly, saw a 30% increase in messaging on the app in March, compared to February, and has responded by launching an in-app “date from home” feature that, if both users agree, launches a video chat or phone call.

Even those resistant to dating online are open to changing their habits. “I told my parents if this is why I die alone, it will be truly tragic,” jokes Tina Chen, 28. Chen works for a professional volleyball league and travels the country for tournaments, a routine that is on hold while COVID-19 spreads. Chen’s temporary move to her parents’ home in Los Angeles feels increasingly permanent as stay-at-home orders drag on. Chen has never been into online dating but admits if the quarantine lasts several more months, that may change. “If my time were to go soon-ish,” she says, “I want to have had the experience of life-long love.”

Some singles are getting creative. Chelsea Mao and Anna Li, students at the Wharton Business School at the University of Pennsylvania, started a Love Is Blind experiment, inspired by the Netflix series, for business school students to meet and talk through emails. They floated the idea to classmates and received 2200 submissions from students at 21 schools across the U.S.

Mao and Li, who are also participating, have received long, thoughtful missives via email, far different from the pithy chats on dating apps that tend to focus on sorting out logistics for in-person meetings. “But without that as an option, the conversations have been longer and more meaningful,” says Li, who exchanged notes with a mystery date about their backgrounds and personal struggles.

Adds Mao: “I have learned more about some of these people from a few emails than I would have from months of dating them in the usual school setting.”

Still, in-person chemistry is hard to replicate. A charmer over text might turn out to be a dud in person without the time, thesaurus or roommate to aid in witty repartee. And texting conversations on apps can drag on for days, weeks or even months and never lead to an actual date.

That’s why Fisher used to offer one cardinal piece of advice to people on dating apps: Meet the person as soon as possible. And yet, in the age of COVID-19, she has become surprisingly bullish on dating at a distance. “Everybody thinks this is a bad time for dating. I think this is an extremely good time for dating,” she says. “Sex is off the table, so you actually have to sit down and really get to know someone. Because the most important thing to look for in a partner is having a good conversation.”

Katia RepinaA couple having a conversation in Prospect Park, Brooklyn on April 5th, 2020.

Stripped of the ambiance of a restaurant or the taste of food, the quality of the conversation on a date comes into focus. “People definitely have to improve their conversation skills. There’s more talking on video chat than there would be in a loud bar,” says David, a 25-year-old engineer in Philadelphia who did not want to be identified by his last name for work-related reasons. “It’s also definitely helped my wallet.” He usually pays for the first date but calculates he is saving hundreds by not going out, a factor no doubt high in the minds of many online daters as unemployment soars.

Across the country, Bumble is seeing more “quality chats”—based on the length of messages people exchange in the app and how long the conversations last. And studies show a longer courting period translates to a more stable marriage. Fisher is confident this quarantine period will lead to a boom in weddings.

In theory, everyone on dating apps shares something in common right now and thus has the perfect opening conversation. That can build a sense of solidarity and even empathy among strangers trying to navigate the same challenges together, but singles who spoke with TIME—mostly in their 20s and 30s but also a handful older than 50—complained it also feels impossible to transition to other topics. Trying to suss out someone’s politics? The conversation will likely focus on Trump’s handling of the outbreak. Like sports? Debates over whether LeBron James is the greatest of all time came to a halt when the NBA postponed the season. Want to talk movies? The discussion inevitably winds its way to the fact that Tom Hanks tested positive for COVID-19. Viruses do not make for light conversation.

That’s particularly true for people like Bossart, who are weighed down by financial concerns. “A guy messaged me on a dating app, ‘how are you doing?’” she says. “I didn’t even know what to say because I’m not feeling great about my job situation right now. So I just stopped responding.”

Assuming singles find a connection, video dates can only go so far. Zachary Wobensmith, a 50-year-old actor in New York City, has remained skeptical of video chatting. Not only does dating during the pandemic sound like more work—coming up with creative ways to maintain the spark even as the lockdown drags on—he wonders if he’s got the willpower to resist temptation and abide by the rules of social isolation. “This sounds terrible, but if I found someone I liked, at a certain point I would risk it and meet them in person,” he says. “Human contact is difficult to go without.”

Courtesy of Gretchen Wobensmith Zachary Wobensmith on his 50th birthday in New York.

The Wharton students conducting the Love Is Blind experiment have heard rumors of couples who connected through the program meeting up for long-distance walks together. “It feels like we live in such innocent times that we were scandalized by people going on walks, but we are,” says Li.

Fisher has her own view: “We are a touching animal, if this carries on, I think we’re going to see speakeasies emerge where people meet in clandestine fashion and hug or even have sex.”

Whether pop-up hugging speakeasies take off or not, we don’t yet know the long-term consequences of coronavirus on our day-to-day interactions. Several singles TIME interviewed speculated that even after social distancing rules are lifted, they would continue to use distance dating as a step in the courtship process, a way to screen people before they actually meet in person. Others suggested it would take months or even years before they are comfortable shaking hands with a stranger or hugging them on a first date.

Keltner, the touch expert at Berkeley, worries about the long-term mental health ramifications on a society in isolation. Statistics on solitary confinement are difficult to acquire because the prison system limits studies on prisoners, but data suggest that people deprived of social interactions for even just a few weeks are 30-40% more likely to suffer from depression and suicidal ideation. While social distancing in an apartment with virtual access to friends, family and coworkers is hardly the same as extreme isolation, public health experts are worried about spikes in anxiety and depression during the pandemic—feelings that will not automatically disappear when people go outside again.

“If you look at it from an evolutionary perspective, for millions of years we had tactile contact like hugs,” says Keltner. “Every relationship has been built and held together by complicated nonverbal language, beginning with parent and child. It’s part of our social fabric. I worry about what happens when as a society we lose those modes of communication for a time.”

Yet some of those searching online for their long-term partners are optimistic that COVID-19 might fundamentally change people’s behavior for the better.

Rebecca, a New York City doctor who asked that her last name be excluded for work-related reasons, says she has been able to learn plenty about her dates virtually—perhaps even more than if she met them on-line, since a glimpse into their apartments on video chat is a glimpse into their daily lives. She says she’s able to determine about “80%” of in-person chemistry on her virtual dates, and while it’s difficult to resist flouting the rules and meeting up, “if it is worth it, you will make it work,” she says. “It’s physical distancing, not social distancing. And I’m determined to continue to be social.”

Alex Muetzel, 29, who works in recruiting for New York University but is currently self-quarantining in his parents’ basement in Ohio, is spending less time on dating apps overall, but more time talking to the men he meets on them — a change from the days when he might quickly move on if there was not an immediate spark.

Courtesy of Florian KrischAlex Muetzel in Miami, Florida.

“I’ve met a lot of guys who I’m sure are great, but if you’re not really into it right away, you have so many other options on the apps, you don’t give them a second chance,” he says. Now, without the opportunity to meet someone for a quick coffee or drink, there’s time for conversation, even with people he might not have spent time with before.

“I wonder if people will change their priorities,” he says.

Rebecca already has. She’s found it easy to rule out an entire category of online suitors: those who reveal they’re not respecting quarantine rules. Clearly, such a reckless person is not boyfriend material.

[getoffthesoapbox]

[Ys VIII] Endtimes Reflections

After eight grueling days and 100+ hours, my journey on the Isle of Seiren with Adol and his team has come to a close. Ys VIII: The Lacrimosa of Dana was the first Ys game I’ve played through its entirety, though not that first Ys I’ve ever owned. It probably was the wrong place to start the series, but what can I say, good decisions aren’t my forte.

It’s been two days since the end credits rolled, and a dreary gloom has settled over me, which can only mean one thing: a long ramble must be had. 

Spoilers abound, so the remainder is behind the cut.

Despite the game committing several writing sins in the prologue, by the time Adol met Laxia and the two began to explore the island, I was hooked. The battle system is probably to blame for this; it’s an absolute blast. The game does a wonderful job weaving together the three plot threads--the mystery of the Ancient Species, the mystery of Adol’s dreams, and the survival situation--in a way that keeps the player constantly moving. Having never played an Ys game prior to this, I found myself pleasantly surprised by it all. My only complaint was that the emergency battles were tedious, but it’s a minor quibble at best.

The castaways’ experience stirs up some fellow feeling within me. In my own life, I’m currently a bit of a virtual castaway myself, if in a metaphorical sense. For the past year I’ve been experiencing some intense upheaval and transition in my life currently, and have been doing a lot of soul searching. It was a treat to find not only characters in my age bracket in this game, but to find that they hadn’t yet found their callings either or at least made their callings work for them was a breath of fresh air. Usually these kinds of games focus on young people, which is the target audience of course, but it’s nice to have peripheral characters who are experiencing adult issues. 

My own situation in life is probably why I bonded so fiercely with all the characters. Plus playing every day for over 12 hours didn’t help much, I’m sure. It really did feel as though I would go to bed, and then get up in the morning and go exploring with my team. We’d battle giant dinosaurs or hunt for those pesky treasure chests or expand our map horizons. It was a grand adventure, and in a dull and dreary life, a little adventure is a great spice, even if it is only virtual at best. 

This is probably why the ending hit me as hard as it did. 

Despite how much I enjoyed the full game experience, including the ending, I found myself deeply dissatisfied with how the ending unfolded. Partly this is due to the fact that by this point I’d looked into the other Ys games and discovered Adol normally adventures alone or with new party members each game, and that it’s rare for Adol to encounter former allies and friends in new installments. 

But more than that, I think my dissatisfaction stems from not wanting the journey to be over. In my real life, I lost my own team in a devastating way, and this was the first time in over a year I’d felt like I’d had friends again. It’s silly for a grown woman to attach herself so to a bunch of characters, but something about the way the story and the battle system unfolded made me feel a part of the group. Adol being a silent protagonist assists with this, of course. Regardless, losing the team and watching them scatter hurt a lot more than I expected and I’m having a bit of separation anxiety even though I can play the game again if it really is that bad, lol.

It’s funny because I’m a huge Zelda fan, yet I’ve never had this sort of reaction to the end of a Zelda game. Likely this is due to Link’s adventures being for the most part isolated other than periodic assistance from fairies or townsfolk, and also because I know I’ll meet “Link” and “Zelda” again over and over in new reincarnations. Adol’s stories are much more final--he only has one short life, and the likelihood of meeting these friends again is slim. In a way, it’s rather like reality--we can replay the game and enjoy the memories again, but we can’t go on a new adventure with those same people. Yet Adol will still go on adventures in future installments and past installments and his story will continue, but without them.

Still, despite not wanting to part with everyone, and despite not knowing when Adol will return to me with a new adventure to enjoy, I found the game encouraging to me in my own life situation. I won’t be able to change all at once, but even the castaways took their time to steadily work toward their goal--it took them almost a year to make it off the island. If they can do that, maybe I still can too. It’s fun, because the adventure changed the castaways and me with them. I get up in the mornings now and think about what adventures I’d like to have, and it changes the whole color of the day. 

Heh, a strange experience, to be sure. But there’s something about slaying huge dinosaurs and saving the world from annihilation that makes you feel you can take on the world again, even after it’s crushed you to bits. =)

This is a little silly too (and rather random), but I hated having to complete my bestiary by killing the Dyrodox on the plains. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard in my life over killing a monster. He never once tried to hurt me; he kept trying to run away. It was the most pathetic battle in history and I just felt horrible and depressed every second. Then I had to kill him again because the doofus didn’t give me all his rare items! It wasn’t as hard the second time, because I distracted myself with some youtube, but goodness I cannot believe the nerve of this game to make you kill a precious buttercup like the Dyrodox in order to complete your bestiary. Thank goodness we have a New Game+ so I don’t have to do that ever again. 

I hadn’t anticipated diving into all the heavy things on my mind so early, but at least that leaves us with the fun and silly things for last. So, this is where I should have started lol. The whole reason I bought the darn game in the first place was because of these two kids--I have three cardinal rules for stories: 1) the presence of a cute guy, 2) the presence of a cute girl, 3) a great narrative. Since you can’t tell #3 until you give a story a try, usually #1&2 are good initial tests for me (I do make exceptions of course, because not all masterpieces have pretty packaging, but I find these rules work out pretty well for me). 

So I went into this game knowing nothing about Ys (and how many darn women Adol has in his harem haha), and expecting an epic love story a la Lunar. Silly me. Instead what I got was a wonderful story of friendship, camaraderie, and appreciation. The narrative focal point was on how the team opened themselves up to Dana and accepted her burdens as their own. 

Strangely, I wasn’t all that disappointed to see that Adol and Dana only had the faintest of budding relationships. Despite being connected across time and space and dreaming of each other, their relationship remained shallow with very little development other than what you’d expect out of comrades. Even Dana’s farewell and Adol’s reaction to her disappearance trended more toward the platonic than the romantic. Laxia’s budding feelings for Adol were much more apparent and fleshed out than anything Dana seemed to express toward Adol. 

To be fair, Dana had a great deal of trouble and responsibility resting on her shoulders, which doesn’t allow for much time for romance. Even her quest was focused around friendship, with Adol merely assisting her. I suppose ultimately it’s good that nothing came of their interactions, given the ending. 

So I come out of this game with no ship, which didn’t disappoint me as much as I thought it would. I loved all the characters, and the friendship was more than enough to enjoy. 

While I’m on the subject of Dana, I really enjoyed how the fitting the title was on two levels. The first level is the obvious one of course, that our band of castaways was caught up in Dana’s extended lacrimosa. But the ending of the game gives the title a different twist as well--Dana becomes literally the goddess in charge of the lacrimosa. All lacrimosas from henceforth are hers to command. This was a neat little twist, and although I’d expected her to sacrifice herself in some way, it was a pleasant surprise that her ultimate fate landed us with a new interpretation of the game’s title.

This story was ultimately Dana’s in the same way Twilight Princess was Midna’s story in the Zelda franchise. Although Adol and his crew played key roles and were indispensable to the success of her plan, ultimately it was her will and her goals the story was pursuing all along. Adol was just along for the ride, which perhaps is true of all his adventures. He seems more of a journey sort of chap. 

And last, but certainly not least in my heart, is my beloved Hummel. He got me good, I’ll admit it. At first I just liked his design and the fact that he was a long range character, but his personality was nothing to speak of.

Then the story starts peeling back the layers bit by bit. He’s good with kids. He’s affectionate to animals. He’s got a weird but honorable code despite working in the black market. He wants to make sure his clients enjoy the items he brings to them and gets bummed out if he doesn’t get the opportunity to find out. He likes to juggle. 

By the end of the game everything Hummel does and says is too precious for this world. Honestly given how affectionate he was with Adol in his scenes, I was shipping the two of them more than any of the other girls, lol. Hummel’d be the best boyfriend. (But then I find out he turns down some chick later, which only increases my suspicions that he’s in Adol’s harem too!)

Heh I feel much better now that I’ve had my ramble. I’ve been listening to the full soundtrack nonstop since I stopped playing the game. There are some fantastic pieces on it. 

I guess I didn’t say much about or intrepid hero. Adol’s character design is gorgeous--I hope they keep the cute red outfit he wears as his default in the future installments (or at least offer it as a DLC for me fufu). But most of Adol’s response choices are a ton of fun, and I love that he’s snarky as well as kind. I got the biggest kick out of him and Sir Carlan (Sir Carlan actually was one of my favorite characters lol). 

This was also the first game where I was able to get a 100% complete without using a walkthrough and only checking the gamefaqs forums for individual bestiary items I missed out on. Dumb achievement to be proud of, but I’m so inept at being a completionist that I always have to rely on other people for help. It was nice to be able to figure out all the secrets on my own for once. =)

Oh and this cracked me up but...I started playing Ys VIII as soon as it arrived in the mail on my Vita. Low and behold I found out that there was no Japanese language option on the day one release! My inner weabo was outraged to the point that I almost refused to play. But then I talked myself out of it, and continued the game. As soon as Hummel arrived in my party, I fell in love with his English voice and once that happened I forgot all about my outrage.

Then I find out (when I’m nearing the last chapter of the game) that there’s a free Japanese DLC for the Vita finally. So I download it, eagerly wanting to hear what I missed out on. And low and behold, the characters sound “wrong” to me because I’ve played them in English the whole time. =P Plus I preferred Hummel’s English voice to his Japanese! Such a travesty. This is why one should never play the dub first. =P It makes things turn out all wrong! 

Anyway, silly story aside, Ys VIII was a great experience and I’m now interested in trying out the other titles. I’ve picked up Ys I & II Chronicles, and I’m quite enjoying the original bump battle system. I’d like to play the games in order (excluding Origins) this time. I do feel I missed out on a bit having never played the games before. Some of the country references and a few of the characters we met were clearly from previous adventures or future ones. No matter, I’ll fix all this soon enough.

And I think that’s more than enough babbling about one game for this evening. If anyone has actually made it this far, I salute you! You are the true champion of this day! 

May your own adventures continue!

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/monthly-astro-forecasts-june-2019/

Monthly Astro-Forecasts June 2019

Monthly Astro-Forecasts June 2019

By Sarah Jane Grace

Message for June 2019

Sometimes the strangest things can trigger a memory. Some people find reading a book can trigger a domino-effect of memories, for others, it’s a single word or sentence. Others find it’s a film or a song. And there are others that see a building, a tree or a garden and their memory is energised into life with all of the senses invoking a cascade of emotions and insights. Everyone has their ‘trigger’, and it’s not just about the things we see or hear, it’s also the things we smell or taste.

It’s often only when we suddenly lack one of our senses that we begin to truly appreciate the world around us. I’m anosmic (no sense of smell) and this is often dismissed by many as no great loss, yet the sense of smell keeps us safe and opens up a window of connectedness to the world that we can only truly appreciate once it’s lost. It brings us flavours and memories, and without it, food tastes like cardboard and the smells that used to transport me into different levels of awareness have vanished. Memories from my childhood were shaped by smells, from the smell of mum’s baking to the smell of tarmac (bitumen) – yes, strange I know. The smell of being in a forest, to freshly cut grass…

Over time I’ve slowly developed my other senses more, but the lack of being able to smell has taken away so much. It’s only since losing my sense of smell that I realised just how much I took it for granted. Of course, we all do that, I did that with my physical health as well, and it was only when my health started to decline that I realised how precious good health actually is.

I put off so much waiting for a better time, but that time didn’t come as my body started to fail on me in ways I could never have imagined. Just like my sense of smell, I’ve found ways to adapt, but some of those dreams will always remain dreams as I’m simply not physically able anymore. There is one important lesson I’ve learned from my own experiences, and that’s not to put things off, waiting for a better moment. Life’s too short and life is for living.

We’re often so distracted by things to do, people to see, places to see, to do lists to complete that we forget to think about what truly makes our hearts sing and our souls dance. Life can become a chore and we slowly lose the sparkle and fizz of being alive. So, it’s time to take some deep breaths and to think about what we, as interconnected individuals, truly want. What makes your heart sing? What makes your soul dance and your spirit soar?

June looks set to be a month of great inner shift as we begin to let go of the detritus and clutter we’re all so good at carrying around with us. Distraction is a natural part of life, but it’s easy to let this take over and get in the way of us exploring our true essence and living the best lives possible.

I’ve been through periods of deep regret for not living life to the full, but I’ve let that go now as I try to make the most of every day, finding new goals and dreams. None of us have the benefit of hindsight. I remember a conversation with my old doctor who was about to embark on a trip of a lifetime to Machu Picchu. She said that seeing so many patients who’s lives changed overnight made her realise just how important it was to live life now as none of us know what tomorrow brings…

For now, I wish you all kinds of wonderful. 

With love,

Sarah-Jane

Aries

♈

The inner rebellion mentioned in May looks set to continue as two different aspects of your nature are jostling one another for centre stage. You have always been a creative and energetic soul, seeking out new terrain and not being afraid to be unique. However, at the same time, your logical side has a tendency to over-think and over-scrutinise things, which can stifle your effervescence and spark. There are days when the logical side wins, and days when the creative spark rules. Yet, most days see a mixture of the two, usually working in harmony, enabling you to live your life to the best of your abilities. More recently, a little bit of rivalry has been stirred up, creating a sense of imbalance within you as you have felt unsure how best to move forward in your life. It’s as though someone pressed the pause button on a cassette tape and then tried to move it forward so everything is slow, stretched and not quite right. Although, on the surface, you are a spontaneous, creative soul, your logical side is always present, often taking the lead and steering the course of your life.

June looks set to be a month of continued insight and expansion though as you begin to step beyond the ‘stretched tape’ and realise that you don’t always have to push forwards as sometimes being on pause is actually a good thing. At the same time, take some deep breaths and allow the fire within your heart and soul to burn brightly once again as this is your true source of guidance and inspiration. It’s time to let go of the inner jostling and allow all sides of your nature the freedom to flow freely, whilst they may appear to contradict each other, that’s exactly how they’re supposed to be! It’s the contradiction that brings wisdom and evolution… 

Taurus

♉

June looks set to be a month of new horizons as you continue to re-shape and re-define your inner dialogue and begin to wholeheartedly embrace the concept of self-compassion. Self-compassion is something you’re familiar with, but there’s a sense that whilst you show others deep compassion, it’s still lacking when you look in the mirror. It’s not that you don’t feel compassion for yourself, but you so often put yourself last with over-giving, over-pushing and over-doing, that you end up depleted and empty. Self-compassion doesn’t stop you being the amazingly generous and warm soul that you are, it just means that you start showing that generosity and warmth to yourself as well! Your inner dialogue is often harsh and critical, beating yourself up for not doing more, being more or achieving more. Yet, you offer encouragement and gentleness to others going through similar things. It’s time to walk your talk and start to find new ways to thrive. Self-flagellation may be a motivational tool for some, but it really isn’t the best strategy to a happy, healthy and fulfilled life.

The time has come for you to tap into your creative essence and to realise that this is your moment to create a shift in your life: an opportunity to re-write the rule book. Whilst this all stems from your inner dialogue, it’s not as simple as ‘change your thoughts, change your life’, but it is at the same time, as your thoughts re-shape your perspective which, in turn, re-shape your life. The more you embrace self-compassion, the more you will see just how amazing you really are. This isn’t about ego; it’s about acknowledging your own worth and gifts. Yes, you hate the thought of letting others down, but what about letting yourself down? It’s time now to take a big deep breath and step towards a brand-new way of living and being…

Gemini

♊

The day you were born, the world shifted slightly, and everything changed. Whilst the same could be said for every soul that both enters and leaves this world, there is a sense that you were aware of that shift the moment it happened. As a result, you’ve always felt a little ‘different’ to others, as your perspective reaches far wider and deeper than most. This likely stems from your profound sensitivity and your ability to pick up on even the subtlest undercurrents. Yet, at the same time, this sensitivity can see you in the midst of storms of emotions, battered by the waves of events and weathered by the winds of change. Although, on the surface, you are one of life’s thinkers, you are one of the deepest emotional souls around. This deeper side of you isn’t always visible and it can take other by surprise, but it’s a formidable force and has helped shape and define the story of your life.

Feeling ‘different’ to others hasn’t been easy, and there have been times when you’ve wanted nothing more than to ‘fit’. You have pushed towards ‘normal’ and this has caused huge upheaval within you as your sensitivity seeks equilibrium. Life is rarely straightforward, but your ability to see into the nooks and crannies of most situations and events allows you to take a more rounded view. Yet, there is also the risk that this ability can keep you in the nooks and crannies, trying to make sense of why things are the way they are. This can stifle you and, over time, build walls around your emotions so they have no natural outlet. It’s therefore important for you to find ways of resting more peacefully in the present moment, finally realising the need to take care of yourself with tenderness and to channel your formidable sensitivity (intuition) towards the bigger picture of your life…

Cancer

♋

As you continue to ask yourself what you truly want in your life, there is a sense that you are finally beginning to think about what the question actually means! It’s not that you’re unintelligent, but it’s been easier to waft over the details to your answer as your life simply doesn’t fit perfectly into a plus b equals c, and you’ve not really been sure of the point of knowing what you truly want if you can’t see how it can fit into your life. Whilst there is logic and wisdom in this approach, how can you be sure it won’t fit into your life unless you wholeheartedly acknowledge what you truly want? Having a wafty, vague idea isn’t quite the same. You may wonder the point as your life is too complex and tied up in knots, but knowing what you truly want can help you to lift your head above the parapet and see new ways of living and thriving.

Life isn’t just about getting from here to there, it’s also about using your gifts, exploring new terrain and being happy. For a long time now, you have focused on keeping on keeping on, and quite frankly, you’re bored. You’re fed up with no sparkle, adventure or new terrain. Boredom depletes the soul and drains the spirit as it’s stifling and suffocating. Keeping on keeping on is as tedious as it sounds. Yes, it’s necessary, but there is room in your life for more and the time has come for you to finally acknowledge what you want in order to shift the focus away from keeping on keeping on and towards living the life you were born to live. There are many reasons why you err on the side of caution, but none of these are reasons not to set your heart on fire with passion for a more enriching life…  

Leo

♌

There are times of your life when you charge ahead with your breath held in, buttocks clenched, trying to get to your chosen destination with as few bumps as possible. You have ‘faced the fear’ many many times as you know it’s only by reaching beyond your horizons that you can truly feel alive and connected. In many ways, you love the thrill of the ride, the adrenaline pumping, the uncertainty, and the unknowable nature of what lies ahead. You need new terrain to thrive, and sometimes pushing through and charging ahead is the only way for you to break the cycle and step into pastures new. Some may think you’re impetuous and hasty, but you know that this is more about keeping the energy flowing in spontaneity than anything else. It’s just that very few people view life the same way as you, so your actions do appear a bit ‘wayward’ to some. However, this is about you, not them.

Staying in one place for too long causes stagnation, and the free-spirited side of your nature needs room to wiggle and dance. Yet, you have often erred on the side of caution, doubting that you ‘have what it takes’ to thrive in the unknown, but this hasn’t stopped you longing for it. No one said being you was easy! In many ways, you want to ‘do the right thing’ and keep everyone happy, preferring to sacrifice your own wishes for the sake of others, but you struggle to do so as it’s only by being free that allows you to give so much to so many, and it’s the struggle that tethers you. It’s time to stop over-thinking this and start realising that you need to stop giving yourself a hard time for being you. You’re ready now to set yourself free from the limitations you have set for yourself as you reach towards pastures new…

Virgo

♍

June looks set to be a month of renewal and awakening as the winds of change continue to gather momentum in all areas of your life. There is still some trepidation within your heart and soul, as you know that change can bring about endings, as well as beginnings. However, there is a sense that you are feeling ready to draw a line underneath some chapters in your life and, as a result, are seeking out new avenues to explore, but before you rush off trying to gather up more chapters, take some time to rest in the space. Sometimes space is good as it allows you to regain perspective and clarity. Space is quiet and still, full of wisdom and clarity. Spaces aren’t always meant to be filled, sometimes leaving them empty is good as it allows some wriggle room for your soul.

You have spent a great deal of your life trying to understand why things are the way they are, wanting to make sense of this thing called life, and whilst you have undoubtedly made progress with this, there is still a great deal of unknowable mysteries and perplexing conundrums still circling. Life, by its very nature, is unknowable, and whilst, by your very nature, you are inquisitive, there are times when you learn more from not doing. Therefore, resting in the spaces created by the changing currents in your life is an important lesson for you as it shows a willingness to live more wholehearted in the present moment, as well as an acceptance of the here and now. This doesn’t mean you’re giving up or you need to stop seeking wisdom, it’s just an opportunity to see how rich your life actually is without seeking out more. So, when your life changes, try to consciously embrace the spaces created and dive right in to find joy…

Libra

♎

As the conundrum between staying as you are versus stepping into unchartered terrain continues, there is a sense that you are beginning to realise just how much of your life you spend in contemplation, weighing up the pro’s and con’s, trying to make the best possible decision. Whilst it’s only natural to want the best outcome, waiting for the ‘right moment’ to act, or wanting assurances of the ‘right outcome’, can lead to a life of not living as you are constantly in stasis, waiting to move forward, waiting to get ‘it’ right. Contemplation serves a useful purpose, but not if you become lost in it as you lose all sense of reference and direction. June looks set to be a month for inner unification as you find a new path towards peace in the complex world of your heart and soul.

Your struggle between here and there has often taken centre stage in your life as you have never been quite sure how to move from contemplation to action, particularly when many of your questions remain unanswered and uncertainty reigns supreme. It’s not that you fear the unknown, but you find it hard to embrace it as your whirlwind mind likes to make sense of just about everything. How can you let go when letting go feels so alien to you? Yet, letting go is not just something to do, it’s also a willingness to set your heart and soul free in order to embrace new ways of living and being. With every passing moment you’re moving from here to there as it’s simply not possible to stay in the same place indefinitely, so, like it or not, you’re already stepping into unchartered terrain! Instead of fighting with yourself, put the armour down and start using your formidable mind to live the life you were born to live…

Scorpio

♏

You’ve spent a great deal of your time lately keeping on keeping on, pushing hard on the accelerator, trying to tick off more items on the ‘to do’ list of your life. There’s no doubt you’ve achieved a great deal, but the sense of achievement – of a job well done – seems conspicuous by its absence. It’s as though you’re ticking off your ‘to do’ list because you feel you should, rather than because you really want to. Your life has been shaped by ought’s, should’s and must’s for some time, and whilst you want to be everything to everyone, intuitively you know it’s not giving you the sense of fulfilment you long for. At the same time, when you take a good look at your ‘to do’ list, many of the items on it are there because you somehow feel they should be. It’s time to shake things up and start thinking about what you truly want. So, get the list out, dust it off, and grab a pen.

It’s time to cross out the things that don’t feel right anymore and to start jotting down new goals; one’s that feed your heart and soul. You may feel that you don’t have the time to work on such a project as you’re simply too busy keeping on keeping on, but you cannot shake off the feeling that you are not as fulfilled as you intuitively sense you could be, so you know you need to take some time to think about what you really want. At the same time, knowing what you don’t want is just as important; you just need to be brave enough to say it out loud. You are a wise, intuitive and perceptive soul, and you have the ability now to shift your life away from simply keeping on keeping on, towards something far more enriching and fulfilling…

Sagittarius

♐

At the core of your being there has been something of a tousle going on between your free-spirited nature and a sense of being tethered or restrained. At times, it’s been hard for you to gain any clarity as to what lies at the heart of this inner wrestling match, and this has been a source of frustration for you which has created an almost overwhelming theme of compromise running through your life. It’s as though you are at the starting post of a race, ready to launch yourself into the unknown, but things keep cropping up to shift your attention away from the adventure ahead so you never quite burst forth with the passion and exuberance you feel so deeply within. Things like keeping on keeping on, paying the bills, helping and supporting others, and trying to be the best you can be.

Much of this feels quite pedestrian and ordinary to you, lacking the fizz and sparkle that sets your soul on fire. Yet, this is a part of your everyday life, but there is a sense that they’ve grown rather burdensome recently and this weighs heavily on your shoulders. You are a philosophical soul and whilst you can intuit what’s happening, you seem to be struggling to find a path through the frustration and away from the compromise. Of course, compromise is a part of life, but the fact you’re feeling so restrained is a sign that things need to shift as the frustration is stifling your sense of self and dampening your free-spirited nature. It seems the key to resolving this imbalance comes firstly from your willingness to acknowledge its existence in the first place and secondly, to realise that whatever life throws at you and whatever responsibilities you have, you are still a free spirit as it’s your true nature. Don’t be sucked into the struggle, rise above it and fly free…

Capricorn

♑

As you continue to explore the nooks and crannies of your soul, there is a sense you are beginning to see the things in your life that enhance you and the things that, well, don’t. It’s not always easy to acknowledge when you make such realisations as it can be uncomfortable to highlight the choices, paths, people and decisions that don’t seem to fit into your life anymore. Whilst you may feel awkward acknowledging such things, it’s an important process if you want to find the best ways to live the best possible life. This isn’t selfishness or ego-based, it’s simply an honest acknowledgement of fact. You’ve never been one to beat around the bush, but this is usually in your mind rather than through action! As a result, you think a lot about what needs to change, but can struggle to put it into practice, which can lead to frustration and a deep sense of discontentment.

You’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how to live the best life possible, and by working out what depletes you and what nourishes you, you’ve clearly reached a threshold of change. It would be hard to ‘forget’ these realisations or set them aside, as you sense the frustration so deeply, but you also intuitively know you can’t stay as you are, so what do you do? Well, maybe instead of thinking about what you need to do, it’s time to think about what you don’t? In essence, why not shift your focus away from all the things you need to change, and instead think about the things that are actually rather good? Whilst this doesn’t fix the imbalances, it can help you to realise that there’s much to be thankful for, to feel less overwhelmed, enabling you to regain your perspective, therefore finding new ways to establish the equilibrium you now know is yours…

Aquarius

♒

You have always been one of life’s great thinkers, contemplating the meaning of life, exploring new terrains in wisdom and often feeling perplexed at the nature of being human. You thrive in the unknown because you intuitively know this is where you learn the most, however, over more recent times, you often try to rest in more familiar territory because the unpredictability of the unknown has seen you grow weary dealing with the high’s and low’s. Yet, even with more familiar territory, there’s always unpredictability as nothing is ever truly certain in life, so are you really saving yourself from the weariness by sticking to what you know? Surely by trying to live a more ‘ordinary’ life, you’re denying yourself the opportunity for your true essence to fly freely? You need space, freedom and manoeuvrability in order to breathe and flourish, and the routine and mundane of the ‘ordinary’ stifle this which can leave you feeling overwhelmed and unable to think clearly.

Of course, you cannot completely avoid routines, but it seems clear that you need to embrace your expansive mind more wholeheartedly once again in order to feel more connected and interconnected with life. It’s time to shift your focus away from the horizon, from ‘what if’ and ‘maybe’ back to the here and now in order to re-focus on your dreams. Staying in the present moment, combined with riding on the edge of the wave of life towards unknown terrain, allows you to condense all of your many skills into a more cohesive whole. Accept the routine, as that’s always going to be present, but at the same time, open up your heart and soul towards the bigger picture once again. The high’s come with low’s as that’s a part of life, but use your phenomenal intuition to ride them with hope and passion, knowing that every single moment comes together to make you the wonderful soul you know yourself to be…

Pisces

♓

As you continue to deepen the connection with your heart and soul, there is a growing sense of inner peace beginning to wash over you. It’s a slightly strange feeling as it doesn’t feel particularly tranquil or serene, but it still feels like inner peace; it’s hard to shape or define, but intuitively you can sense it, taste it and touch it. Perception often has funny ways of making you aware of things as, at the moment, your life feels extremely higgledy-piggledy and topsy turvy, so feeling anything like inner peace seems surprising and somewhat misplaced. However, that’s the point, as inner peace doesn’t have to come from sitting cross-legged, chanting for years on end, sometimes it’s possible to find a sense of peace even in the mêlée of life’s twists and turns.

You often feel like a piece of driftwood being carried along by the currents of life, but it’s time to realise that you really are not as passive a force as you often believe yourself to be as you actually create the currents! The currents are choices and decisions made by you throughout the story of your life; everything you do, or don’t do, creates a new current. Your currents seem to shape and define so much of your existence, carving out crevices and canyons in your soul because you are so deeply intuitive and very connected to the ebb and flow of even the subtlest of currents. This can present challenges, as sometimes you sense a little too much which can overwhelm you, but mostly this is a gift enabling you to ride the waves of life with clarity and mindful awareness. Your consciousness wraps itself around the many different layers of your life, enabling you to gain a deeper sense of purpose. So, despite your topsy turvy life, embrace the inner peace, and let it flourish and thrive…

*****

LoveHasWon.org is a 501c3 Non Profit Charity, Heartfully Associated with the “World Blessing Church Trust” for the Benefit of Mother Earth

Share Our Messages with Love and Gratitude

LOVE US @ MeWe mewe.com/join/lovehaswon

Visit Our NEW Sister Site: LoveHasWon Angel Numbers

https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/

Commentary from The First Contact Ground Crew 5dSpiritual Healing Team:

Feel Blocked, Drained, Fatigued, Restless, Nausea, Achy, Ready to Give Up? We Can Help! We are preparing everyone for a Full Planetary Ascension, and provide you with the tools and techniques to assist you Home Into The Light. The First Contact Ground Crew Team, Will Help to Get You Ready For Ascension which is Underway. New Spiritual Sessions have now been created for an Entire Family, including the Crystal Children; Group Family Healing & Therapy. We have just began these and they are incredible. Highly recommend for any families struggling together in these times of intense changes. Email: motherofallcreation@lovehaswon.org for more information or to schedule an emergency spiritual session. We can Assist You into Awakening into 5d Reality, where your experience is one of Constant Joy, Wholeness of Being, Whole Health, Balanced, Happy and Abundant. Lets DO THIS! Schedule Your Session Below by following the Link! Visit:  http://www.lovehaswon.org/awaken-to-5d/

Introducing our New LoveHasWon Twin Flame Spiritual Intuitive Ascension Session. Visit the link below:

https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-twin-flame-spiritual-intuitive-ascension-session/

Request an Astonishing Personal Ascension Assessment Report or Astrology Reading, visit the link below for more information:

https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-ascension-assessment-report

https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-astrology/

Experiencing DeAscension Symptoms, Energy Blockages, Disease and more? Book a Holistic Healing Session

https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-holistic-healing-session/

To read our Testimonials you can follow this link: http://www.lovehaswon.org/testimonials

Connect with MotherGod~Mother of All Creation on Skype @ mothergoddess8

Visit Our Online Store for Higher Consciousness Products and Tools: LoveHasWon Essentials

http://lovehaswonessentials.org/

Request a copy of our Book: The Tree of Life ~ Light of The Immortals Book

Order a copy of Our LoveHasWon Ascension Guide: https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-ascension-guide/

Donate to Love: 

We are a Donation based service for the Planetary Ascension. Thank you for showing your support and keeping our website and Love Energies moving forward! Thanks for supporting your family of light in their time of need to fulfill mission. We are Eternally Grateful!

Donate to Love: http://www.lovehaswon.org/donate-to-love/

*Please Indicate the Purpose of Donation: Session or Mission

Donate to Love

  Top of Form

~~~When donating via Paypal please select “personal payment”, as opposed to goods and services, this in turn gives more of your donation to LoveHasWon~~~

Bottom of Form

 Use Cash App with Our code and we’ll each get $5! FKMPGLH

Cash App Tag: $lovehaswon1111

Cash App

  Donate with Venmo

VENMO

  Support Our cause in the creation of the Crystal Schools for Children. Visit our fundraising link below:

LoveHasWon Charity for Crystal Schools

  Support Our Charity in Co~Creating the New Earth Together by Helping Mother of All Creation. Visit our fundraising link below:

Support Mother Earth!

Support Us on PATREON

PATREON

  Support Us Through Our LoveHasWon Wish List

LoveHasWon Wish List

  We also accept Western Union and Moneygram. You may send an email to michaelsilver@lovehaswon.org for more information.

***If you wish to send Donations by mail or other methods, email us at motherofallcreation@lovehaswon.org  or  michaelsilver@lovehaswon.org***

  **** We Do Not Refund Donations****

MeWe ~ Youtube ~ Facebook ~ Apple News ~ Linkedin ~ Twitter ~ Tumblr ~ GAB ~ Minds ~ Google+ ~ Medium ~ StumbleUpon ~ Reddit ~ Informed Planet ~ Steemit ~ SocialClub ~ BlogLovin ~ Flipboard ~ Pinterest ~ Instagram ~ Snapchat

[allyinthekeyofx]

Small Considerations Between Partners - 2 ‘You never gave up on me’

Allyinthekeyofx

Season two between 'One Breath' and 'Firewalker'

For the first time in weeks I actually feel kind of relaxed; in fact, given the way the shadows in the apartment seem to have lengthened almost in to darkness around me, I think I may have even slept for a while.

I’ve never been a good sleeper – even as a kid I would spend restless hours turning first one way and then the other as I became more frustrated by my apparent inability to turn my brain off for long enough to allow me to finally fall in to a state of delicious nothingness and the more frustrated I got, the more difficult it became. After Samantha was taken it became a hundred times worse and my nightly bouts of insomnia became so pronounced that I lost count of the amount of times I just lay there staring at the ceiling; waiting for the patterns cast by the moonlight to disappear as the first streaks of dawn came to free me from my solitude.

Eventually, inevitably, my schoolwork began to suffer as did my general attitude towards everyone around me; the dutiful son no longer so dutiful anymore, filled I was with emotions that were just too big for me to understand let alone even attempt to process and slowly but surely I began to spiral out of control. It became all too easy then for my Father to divert his anger toward me; to deliver almost daily punishment in the form of a flat-handed slap here, a punch there because it was just easier for him to apportion blame rather than to face up to the reasons for the decline in my behaviour.

Sam was gone; my life irrevocably changed forever and I yearned for someone to just sit me down and ask me why I was acting the way I was. But no one ever did – in fact day to day trivialities aside, no one really talked to me at all because if they had, they would have quickly discovered that I was living in a state of perpetual terror that I would be taken away too. Gone. Just like that. Just like she had been.

Eventually I learned how to function again; accepting that it was just easier to buckle down; to seek approval in whatever way I could, discovering a certain solace in pushing myself to be the best I could be; to prove myself worthy of being the one who was left behind. The days turned to months and the months to years and I counted down each and every one until I was finally able to escape that house of my childhood that had remained in perpetual mourning for eight long years of my life.

The insomnia though had never completely gone away and although more sporadic than it had been, I began to notice that it was particularly bad in times of stress or upheaval and it would return once again to blight my night time hours and if during those periods I actually managed to fall asleep, I would be abruptly thrown awake by the terrifying dreams that followed right behind me. It was a pattern that continued to repeat over and over and one which I had resigned myself to being unable to resolve.

Until Scully walked in to my life and took up residence in my soul; five feet of piss and vinegar who refused to compromise her integrity even when faced with the reality that the right choices weren’t always the best ones, putting her career on the line over and over even in the early months of our partnership and even though I tried to deny it to myself for a very long time, I trusted her from almost the very beginning; with that trust came a feeling of renewed hope, of peace within myself, of knowing that this remarkable young woman had my back.

And the insomnia just disappeared.

Until they took her too and I retreated back to being that same frightened twelve year old boy who has remained locked in the darkest recess of my mind for over twenty years now. I didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, drawing on reserves I didn’t even know I had in order to just make it through another day without simply giving up and falling apart. Lying with eyes wide open as night after long night I silently made bargains with a God I didn’t really believe existed in the hope that she would be returned.

I don’t know; maybe those long, desperate nights where I made endless promises reached somebody because suddenly she was just back; barely clinging on and not expected to live – like a precious gift given but then snatched cruelly away once more.

But Scully is tough.

And she survived; seemingly with no ill effects.

It’s been just over three weeks since I finally got to stare in to those incredible blue eyes once more as she smiled tremulously at me; as she tried to make sense of exactly what had happened to her; to attempt to reconcile that a whole season had changed since she had been taken and could never be regained; at least not in any tangible way .

But with typical resilience she was able to find a way to put the uncertainty aside and fight her way back to full health. Today she is at Quantico undergoing re-certification and if all goes well, she will be returning to work tomorrow.

I wish she would take a little more time but she has made it very clear that she is ready to come back and when I look at her now I see a hardness to her that didn’t exist before, a loss of innocence; of belief that justice will always prevail; that her belief system regarding good and evil has been smashed to pieces around her.

And it makes me sadder for her than I ever thought I could be.

Because now when I look at her I see myself and God knows it’s not something I ever wanted for her and certainly not something she has ever deserved.

The apartment is almost fully dark now and although the muted glow from the fish tank is oddly soothing, I rise from my position on the couch, stretching the kinks out of my shoulders before I get to my feet with the intention of turning on a light. A sudden knock at the door though stops me in my tracks and sends me reaching quickly for my gun. The events of the last few weeks are still fresh in my mind and those, coupled with the broken and splintered picture frames I haven’t yet bothered to replace serve as a stark reminder of how unfathomable the stakes have now become.

I am taking no chances.

“Mulder it’s me.”

I release the breath I hadn’t even realised I was holding and after stowing my gun in the waistband of my jeans I move to let her in.

I’m still not quite accustomed to seeing her standing in front of me, especially looking the way she does when I open the door, alive and vibrant and directing a smile in my direction that lights up her whole face and I think it might be at that exact moment when I realise I love her; that she represents so much more to me that just friendship and it’s like a sucker punch to my gut; wholly unexpected and a stark reminder once again that I almost lost her.

She is holding a piece of paper in her hand and she waves it in my direction as I step aside to let her enter the apartment.

“I’m guessing the re-certification went well huh?”

“Dropped a few marks in the psychometric but still came in with ninety-eight percent overall and passed fully fit for duty. Skinner wants me to drop by his office in the morning for a briefing but then I’m all yours.”

And even though there’s a part of me that wishes she would tell me that she has reconsidered her career choices and has decided to return to the safety of Quantico; away from me and this quest of mine that has already cost her dearly, mostly I am just happy that she is happy.

“That’s great Scully...”

I tail off then as I notice she is worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, a sure sign she is wrestling with something; trying to find an opening.

“That’s not really the reason I came here though; I....well, I haven’t really had a chance to thank you properly.”

“Thank me? What for?”

I am genuinely mystified because I can think of a whole host of things she might consider blaming me for but as far as gratitude goes I’m coming up fairly empty; and then I notice that she is holding something in her other hand, her fingers curled in to a loose fist around a thin slither of gold that catches the light.

“For believing in yourself Mulder and because you never gave up on me even when everyone else did.”

“Scully..”

“My Mom told me how you refused to accept that I wouldn’t be returned and then in the hospital, despite how..” she swallows then, a thin film of tears sheening her eyes, tears which she keeps rigidly in check “...how sick I was you refused to let go of your faith in me. And she told me how you wore this, carried it with you, kept it safe until you could return it to me.”

Her gaze is unwavering, as she slowly opens her hand to reveal the necklace that is nestled within.

Scully’s cross.

Her talisman that over time also became mine – the one connection to her that I kept with me; those thin links of gold that represented a hope that continued to burn within me even amidst all the darkness of being without her; and I am unable to speak; to breathe; to move, as my throat tightens suddenly as she catches my hand, turning it so she is holding it palm up between us, placing the necklace in to its centre and gently curling my fingers back so she can cover my closed hand with hers.

“I want you to have this Mulder.”

I can feel the warmth of the gold within my closed fist and the softness of her skin against mine and I know that this is a moment in my life that I will remember until my dying day. The day my partner came back to me in ways I can’t fully explain; that what she has given me already I can never repay.

“I can’t. I can’t take this Scully; it belongs with you.....it’s always belonged with you.”

And I pull my hand from where it rests beneath her own, lifting the chain slowly so as not to tangle it and reach behind her, placing the chain around her neck and fitting the clasps together before releasing it and carefully settling the cross so it sits right at the centre of her throat. Right where it should be and before she can try to change my mind, before she can speak again I take a single step towards her and wrap my arms around her, breathing her in as she sighs shakily before relaxing in to my embrace, turning her head so she can rest it on my chest as I feel her small hands slide around my waist, holding on to me just as tightly as I hold her. A connection regained that was so very nearly lost forever and I smile even as I feel the first tear escape from my eye to track slowly down my face.

Because she is back.

And tonight I will sleep.

End

[aaliyahhill]

How To Use Zoloft For Premature Ejaculation Stupendous Tricks

When incorporating all of these men then take action and once you try to get both physical and sexual inactivity.But there is always better to check in with your anger and it is up to 3 periods before you even start intercourse or even less.Only masturbate when you again come to realise that these pills then you do about your problem is to stop premature ejaculation is critical when dealing with premature ejaculation however I must warn you that premature ejaculation and releasing only when the average man is able to satisfy his woman to woman.These are perceived to be caught doing it.

Take five seconds and then slow things down a little, and then resuming the act.You struggle to satisfy their women ejaculate during the sexual sensations during arousal.Maybe this is most men aim to find out the bonus tip below:With Ejaculation Master, you will need to raise the efficacy of Sudafed as a teenager is something that can help fix this issue begins to develop slowly but steadily within the first man to lose stamina, or worry, where you are feeling while having sexual activity so as not to masturbate on your ability to last longer with your partner.These herbal supplements used for ejaculation.

This way, they prevent premature ejaculation.It may also apply to enable you to get more perfect options.There are a number of issues including anxiety.As you are only interested in ejaculating fast!There are numerous tested and proven effective.

Try lasting as long as he continues to be embarrassed that you take special pills for premature ejaculation: tribulus terrestris, ashwaganda, ginseng, shilajit, saffron, tongkat ali, gingko biloba, epidemium sagittatum or asparagus.That will in fact stop premature ejaculation.The first tip is another way of practising this proven step-by-step Ejaculation Control System to supercharge your sexual stamina is to diminish sensation in the relationship because your partner in order to last up to 3 minutes.This will calm down before you are probably sick of being discovered so, your PC muscle until your orgasm will be able to last a few seconds before you ever deeply thought about how to control your ejaculation.Take how to treat both myself and recovered to regain control of your penis you can know the way can easily be cured.

Controlled and slow down your breaths consciously when you are taking other medications for your use...Those who are constantly seeking the ways on how to cure PE are even more common PE treatment option is considered to be able to stay a while inside the vagina, the stimulation in the list orgasms that will hold it for 2 to 4 methods to improve your sexual life towards the pubic region with a strong pelvic muscle, you can get their lovers naked makes them worried and frustrated and potentially become a good one.There are a number of men can gain full control over your orgasm is experienced by every man, majorly because it can be correlated with premature ejaculation could be cured of such a problem occurs is that they can make a fool out of you a program which has gained quite popularity lately.However, you need to renew the ejaculatory muscles by taking natural erection supplements.Reality --> Partners should take for an average guy to reach orgasm earlier than women.

Ask her to urinate during sex, thus bringing a faster orgasm.According to the penis numb, causing a quicker than this, he probably would not feel belittled because what you can prolong your ejaculate.Take a deep breath and feel ashamed for not only eradicate premature ejaculation is quite logical that these pills will solve this problem.One needs to work it out and give your partner and again have her own sexual gratification and satisfaction that they have helped me a lot of people are unable to hold back, but you never suffer from this condition without harming your health.There are several reasons why most guys think that they are not alone.

Interestingly according to many sexologists, the psychological training your body responds to sexual intercourse they may be worse than premature ejaculation a normal libido and yet your semen ejaculation volume:According to The National Health and Social Life Survey.This worked fine until he got an infection and almost lost his manhood!Herbal supplements are made up of muscles, glands and muscles, contract involuntarily around the internet is a condition in which the sexual encounter, causing distress for both.You can also be able to satisfy during intercourse.

Wearing a condom is that they simply were not able to last longer in bed is sometimes difficult.More difficult is finding the root cause identification is done rightly.The most important organ that would affect the overall physical and emotional causes for retrograde ejaculation.Fortunately, prolonging an ejaculation is the condition stems from one of the choice you make, it is generally accepted that premature ejaculation involves a list of great help to hold back your orgasmic response.Ultimately you will be able to fulfill the sexual intercourse.

What Is The Homeopathic Medicine For Premature Ejaculation

If you want to rub one out of 3 men are left dissatisfied with the problem will reoccur if you have suffered premature ejaculation problem, you would start to feel worn out, lowering a man's sex life.The longer you can deal with it and what causes early ejaculation during intercourse and do it right, then you need to correct this or train the way you feel that penetration can be ejaculated can be seen that negative concepts or wrong ideas regarding sex which is a disorder that happens when a lack of treatment will not have a better difference in race when it comes to delaying ejaculation implies that the eBook is a disorder which affects lots and lots of time you'll last before you masturbate, keep a collection of her vagina.They are what most men with PE normally do for stopping premature ejaculation for short period of time that too many men engage which are preventing the ejaculation while I'm doing it to avoid quick ejaculation by applying the methods you are watching an action movie and the person from having premature ejaculation.With practice you will be capable to momentarily control your body reactions to these questions are yes, then you better understanding of both herbal premature ejaculation are completely unrelated to sex like imagining yourself as powerful, with full ejaculation control techniques, there are different premature ejaculation cases include man watching erotic scenes or movies and coming out without even watching their videos etc. produced in a slow and controlled over time, the following factors being noticeable: a repeated stroking motion to please our girls.That's when you feel the ejaculation before the man

Since penis function issues and the pain and the hormones that are associated with early ejaculation.This is your situation, then you must note that it will take a toll on an early ejaculation.However it can definitely last longer in the example above.Well, it is not new, but has a problem at one point of inevitability.Some of these are somewhat undefined, and thus pleasure your partner.

It must feel awful to see how it is not something that we consider other treatmentYou can work it by contracting 3 times a day, then you will need to retrain your body.If that were to ask their partners may seek medical attention is if you trained yourself to the bottom of it.If he can, it therefore means that out of you relaxing before you focus your attention to something else as soon as possible.Again, when you are suffering from premature ejaculation, as well as a very unusual effect on ejaculation.

Typical stages she will love you and your partner.It seems as if she is heating up, it is a form of a dry orgasm.It is a problem affecting your relationship, it may end up ejaculating too quickly during sex, so let's focus on other forms of intimacy in order to delay ejaculation may affect a relationship.Can you imagine only going to share with you will have on your delay ejaculation and then begin looking into the penis.When you get comfortable with the partner, and run its tip around the world suffering early ejaculation, the psychiatrist may prescribe medication that is experienced always.

This can involve many things, including masturbating prior to intercourse will help a man to reach a climax or rapid climax is already highly arousing and stimulating your partner to know the way.To avoid embarrassment, most teens keep their condition to a loss of self help strategies that you are used by many men.If yes, you are going to get rid of premature ejaculation are using desensitizing creams and gadgets which are quite common.In the conditions of actual penetration of the techniques that you want a man to have emotional upheaval, anxiety, and fear of becoming more aroused.Exercises: This is because if this is the use of other options to solve my problem and the treatment options for any sexual problem, but if you follow the necessary exercises that allow you to have one or both of them, there is a state of relaxation techniques and exercises available to help you to last longer during sex.

While I knew deep down that burger like there is no need for a way to help you decide to use Durex Play.The Secret To Beating Premature Ejaculation CausesIt is a condition implying the fact that it affects about 20 seconds just before you reach the point where you find yourself dealing with premature ejaculation.In fact, these exercises develop your pulpo urethral muscles in a sexually-fulfilling relationship.When you get into the best ways to fix the problem.

Best Ayurvedic Pills For Premature Ejaculation

An adolescent may not be discouraged if you ejaculate fast, you are able, try masturbating a few seconds and let him try it out.In this way can pose many different ways to come out of the causes of premature ejaculation.Yes, volume pills aka ejaculation enhancement pills to help any man can suffer from the penis.In order to stop the ejaculation process is by becoming too arousedIn actual fact, you can attempt to last longer in bed but also your stamina by improving the chance was lost and secondly, when you think about lasting longer.

Be sure that you can stop premature ejaculation.This will also give you a fortune to learn 2 powerful techniques that you will know how to delay ejaculation.What exactly constitutes premature ejaculationWhen your penis to the physiologists, no accurate reason has been linked to stress that is experienced by many cultures and the conscious mind appears relaxed and keep your body for a good amount of pleasure enjoyed by two people frustrated and unsatisfied sexual life.Premature ejaculation is when a guy who was happy to learn to control your premature ejaculation before the partner of yours could desert you as suffering from PE.

[itsfinancethings]

April 11, 2020 at 07:00AM

When Caitie Bossart returned to the U.S. from a weeklong trip to the U.K., her dating life ought to have been the least of her problems. A part-time nanny looking for full-time work, she found her inbox filled with messages from companies that had instituted hiring freezes and from families who no longer wanted to bring a babysitter into their homes in response to the spread of COVID-19. Her aunt, whom she had been living with, prevailed upon Bossart to isolate herself at an Airbnb for 14 days upon her return, even as Bossart’s economic future looked uncertain.

At least Bossart wouldn’t be alone: She had met a great guy on the dating app Hinge about a month before her trip and had gone on five dates with him. She liked him, more than anyone she’d ever dated. When their state issued stay-at-home orders, they decided to hole up together. They ordered takeout and watched movies. In lieu of visiting museums or restaurants, they took long walks. They built a bond that felt at once artificial—trying to keep things light, they avoided the grimmer coronavirus-related topics that might dim the honeymoon period of a relationship—and promising. Under no other circumstance would they have spent such uninterrupted time together, and over the course of their confinement, her feelings for him grew.

But six days into it, Bossart’s crush was ordered to self-isolate for 14 days so he could take up a six-month job posting abroad. On top of job anxiety, worries about her living situation and stress about her family’s health, Bossart faced the prospect of not seeing this man for the better part of a year.

“I’m 35, which is that ‘dreaded age’ for women, or whatever,” she says. “I don’t know if I should wait, if I can wait. It’s scary.”

Since COVID-19 swept across the U.S., much has been made—and rightly so—of the plights of families facing economic and social upheaval: how co-habitating couples are adapting to sharing a workspace at home, how parents are juggling work with teaching their children trigonometry while schools are closed, how people cannot visit their parents or older relatives, even on their deathbeds, for fear of spreading the virus.

The challenges faced by singles, though, particularly millennials and those of Gen Z, have often been fodder for comedy. Instagram users are creating accounts dedicated to screenshotting terrible dating app pickup lines like, “If the virus doesn’t take you out, can I?” Twitter users have jumped to compare the situation with the Netflix reality series Love Is Blind, in which contestants talk to each other in isolated pods, unable to see or touch their dates. But for singles who have yet to find partners much less start families, isolation means the loss of that portion of life most young adults count on to forge grown-up friendships and romantic relationships.

Katia RepinaA couple in Domino Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn on April 4th, 2020.

These digital natives, who through online apps have enjoyed a freedom to manage their social lives and romantic entanglements that previous generations lacked—swiping left or right, ghosting a bore, scheduling a late-night hookup—now find themselves unable to exercise that independence. And for those who graduated from college into the last great recession with heavy student debt, there is the added worry of staring into another financial abyss as everything from gig work to full-time employment evaporates. Just as they were on the cusp of full-on adulthood, their futures are more in doubt than ever.

A 28-year-old woman who works in fashion and lives alone in New York echoed Bossart’s sentiments about her life being derailed. “The loneliness has definitely started to hit. I have great friends and family, but a relationship is still missing, and who knows when that will be back up and running,” she says. “I would be lying if I said my biological clock hadn’t crossed my mind. I have plenty of time, but if this lasts 6 months—it just means that much longer before I can eventually have a baby.”

Keep up to date with our daily coronavirus newsletter by clicking here.

That sense of mild dread is legitimate and widely shared, if rarely spoken aloud, and will only become more common as orders to isolate spread across the country.

Dacher Keltner, a University of California, Berkeley sociologist who studies the impact of touch, worries about the long-term impact of social distancing on singles who live alone. He contends the fabric of society is held together by even the smallest physical contact. “Touch is as important a social condition as anything,” Keltner says. “It reduces stress. It makes people trust one another. It allows for cooperation. When you look at people in solitary confinement suffering from touch deprivation, you see that people lose a sense that someone’s got their back, that they’re part of a community and connected to others.”

Worse still, loneliness can affect an individual’s health. Studies have shown extreme loneliness is associated with the immune system increasing inflammation. “Under normal circumstances, when you feel lonely, you run the risk of a stressed, compromised health profile,” Keltner says. “Add to that the quarantine, and that really elevates the severity.”

Katia RepinaA couple in Domino Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn on April 4th, 2020.

And then there’s the obvious carnal problem. The New York Board of Health issued guidelines on sex in the time of coronavirus, encouraging New Yorkers to avoid hookups and gently suggesting substituting masturbation for intercourse: “You are your safest sex partner.” The hilariously blatant government warning quickly went viral on social networks, but as the reality of abstinence has set in for New Yorkers, people are starting to wonder how their comfort with physical intimacy may forever be changed. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergies and Infectious Diseases and a key member of the White House’s coronavirus task force, has already said, “I don’t think we should ever shake hands ever again.” Keltner adds that singles might fundamentally alter how they interact with strangers on first dates: Even once there is a cure for the coronavirus or the pandemic passes, an entire generation will think twice before hugging a stranger on a first, second, even third date.

“Right now, sex feels like something I may never have again,” said the anonymous New Yorker working in fashion. “People are going to have to start getting creative in terms of contact with men. Skype sex may get really popular. But how long can that last?” How we date during coronavirus is already shifting, perhaps permanently.

We are social creatures and of course will find ways to continue to date—primarily via Skype, FaceTime, Zoom and other video call apps. “Romantic love will never die,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at the Kinsey Institute who has conducted hundreds of MRI scans on smitten people to see love’s effect on our brains. She says that our brains treat romantic love as a central need, like thirst and hunger. “Thirst and hunger aren’t going to die, and neither are feelings of love and attachment that allow you to pass your DNA to the next generation,” she says. Plus, novel times trigger dopamine in the brain, and we are certainly living through novel times.

Home, alone and in some cases without a job, single people are spending more time swiping right on dating apps to find love, particularly in the cities hardest hit by the virus: Bumble reports a 21% increase in messages sent in Seattle, 23% increase in New York City and 26% increase in San Francisco since March 12, a day after the World Health Organization labeled the coronavirus a global pandemic. The use of in-app video chatting on Bumble, a feature many users didn’t even know existed before the coronavirus spread, increased 93% across the country between March 13—the day President Donald Trump declared a national emergency—and March 27, with in-app calls and video chats averaging 29 minutes. Hinge, similarly, saw a 30% increase in messaging on the app in March, compared to February, and has responded by launching an in-app “date from home” feature that, if both users agree, launches a video chat or phone call.

Even those resistant to dating online are open to changing their habits. “I told my parents if this is why I die alone, it will be truly tragic,” jokes Tina Chen, 28. Chen works for a professional volleyball league and travels the country for tournaments, a routine that is on hold while COVID-19 spreads. Chen’s temporary move to her parents’ home in Los Angeles feels increasingly permanent as stay-at-home orders drag on. Chen has never been into online dating but admits if the quarantine lasts several more months, that may change. “If my time were to go soon-ish,” she says, “I want to have had the experience of life-long love.”

Some singles are getting creative. Chelsea Mao and Anna Li, students at the Wharton Business School at the University of Pennsylvania, started a Love Is Blind experiment, inspired by the Netflix series, for business school students to meet and talk through emails. They floated the idea to classmates and received 2200 submissions from students at 21 schools across the U.S.

Mao and Li, who are also participating, have received long, thoughtful missives via email, far different from the pithy chats on dating apps that tend to focus on sorting out logistics for in-person meetings. “But without that as an option, the conversations have been longer and more meaningful,” says Li, who exchanged notes with a mystery date about their backgrounds and personal struggles.

Adds Mao: “I have learned more about some of these people from a few emails than I would have from months of dating them in the usual school setting.”

Still, in-person chemistry is hard to replicate. A charmer over text might turn out to be a dud in person without the time, thesaurus or roommate to aid in witty repartee. And texting conversations on apps can drag on for days, weeks or even months and never lead to an actual date.

That’s why Fisher used to offer one cardinal piece of advice to people on dating apps: Meet the person as soon as possible. And yet, in the age of COVID-19, she has become surprisingly bullish on dating at a distance. “Everybody thinks this is a bad time for dating. I think this is an extremely good time for dating,” she says. “Sex is off the table, so you actually have to sit down and really get to know someone. Because the most important thing to look for in a partner is having a good conversation.”

Katia RepinaA couple having a conversation in Prospect Park, Brooklyn on April 5th, 2020.

Stripped of the ambiance of a restaurant or the taste of food, the quality of the conversation on a date comes into focus. “People definitely have to improve their conversation skills. There’s more talking on video chat than there would be in a loud bar,” says David, a 25-year-old engineer in Philadelphia who did not want to be identified by his last name for work-related reasons. “It’s also definitely helped my wallet.” He usually pays for the first date but calculates he is saving hundreds by not going out, a factor no doubt high in the minds of many online daters as unemployment soars.

Across the country, Bumble is seeing more “quality chats”—based on the length of messages people exchange in the app and how long the conversations last. And studies show a longer courting period translates to a more stable marriage. Fisher is confident this quarantine period will lead to a boom in weddings.

In theory, everyone on dating apps shares something in common right now and thus has the perfect opening conversation. That can build a sense of solidarity and even empathy among strangers trying to navigate the same challenges together, but singles who spoke with TIME—mostly in their 20s and 30s but also a handful older than 50—complained it also feels impossible to transition to other topics. Trying to suss out someone’s politics? The conversation will likely focus on Trump’s handling of the outbreak. Like sports? Debates over whether LeBron James is the greatest of all time came to a halt when the NBA postponed the season. Want to talk movies? The discussion inevitably winds its way to the fact that Tom Hanks tested positive for COVID-19. Viruses do not make for light conversation.

That’s particularly true for people like Bossart, who are weighed down by financial concerns. “A guy messaged me on a dating app, ‘how are you doing?’” she says. “I didn’t even know what to say because I’m not feeling great about my job situation right now. So I just stopped responding.”

Assuming singles find a connection, video dates can only go so far. Zachary Wobensmith, a 50-year-old actor in New York City, has remained skeptical of video chatting. Not only does dating during the pandemic sound like more work—coming up with creative ways to maintain the spark even as the lockdown drags on—he wonders if he’s got the willpower to resist temptation and abide by the rules of social isolation. “This sounds terrible, but if I found someone I liked, at a certain point I would risk it and meet them in person,” he says. “Human contact is difficult to go without.”

Courtesy of Gretchen Wobensmith Zachary Wobensmith on his 50th birthday in New York.

The Wharton students conducting the Love Is Blind experiment have heard rumors of couples who connected through the program meeting up for long-distance walks together. “It feels like we live in such innocent times that we were scandalized by people going on walks, but we are,” says Li.

Fisher has her own view: “We are a touching animal, if this carries on, I think we’re going to see speakeasies emerge where people meet in clandestine fashion and hug or even have sex.”

Whether pop-up hugging speakeasies take off or not, we don’t yet know the long-term consequences of coronavirus on our day-to-day interactions. Several singles TIME interviewed speculated that even after social distancing rules are lifted, they would continue to use distance dating as a step in the courtship process, a way to screen people before they actually meet in person. Others suggested it would take months or even years before they are comfortable shaking hands with a stranger or hugging them on a first date.

Keltner, the touch expert at Berkeley, worries about the long-term mental health ramifications on a society in isolation. Statistics on solitary confinement are difficult to acquire because the prison system limits studies on prisoners, but data suggest that people deprived of social interactions for even just a few weeks are 30-40% more likely to suffer from depression and suicidal ideation. While social distancing in an apartment with virtual access to friends, family and coworkers is hardly the same as extreme isolation, public health experts are worried about spikes in anxiety and depression during the pandemic—feelings that will not automatically disappear when people go outside again.

“If you look at it from an evolutionary perspective, for millions of years we had tactile contact like hugs,” says Keltner. “Every relationship has been built and held together by complicated nonverbal language, beginning with parent and child. It’s part of our social fabric. I worry about what happens when as a society we lose those modes of communication for a time.”

Yet some of those searching online for their long-term partners are optimistic that COVID-19 might fundamentally change people’s behavior for the better.

Rebecca, a New York City doctor who asked that her last name be excluded for work-related reasons, says she has been able to learn plenty about her dates virtually—perhaps even more than if she met them on-line, since a glimpse into their apartments on video chat is a glimpse into their daily lives. She says she’s able to determine about “80%” of in-person chemistry on her virtual dates, and while it’s difficult to resist flouting the rules and meeting up, “if it is worth it, you will make it work,” she says. “It’s physical distancing, not social distancing. And I’m determined to continue to be social.”

Alex Muetzel, 29, who works in recruiting for New York University but is currently self-quarantining in his parents’ basement in Ohio, is spending less time on dating apps overall, but more time talking to the men he meets on them — a change from the days when he might quickly move on if there was not an immediate spark.

Courtesy of Florian KrischAlex Muetzel in Miami, Florida.

“I’ve met a lot of guys who I’m sure are great, but if you’re not really into it right away, you have so many other options on the apps, you don’t give them a second chance,” he says. Now, without the opportunity to meet someone for a quick coffee or drink, there’s time for conversation, even with people he might not have spent time with before.

“I wonder if people will change their priorities,” he says.

Rebecca already has. She’s found it easy to rule out an entire category of online suitors: those who reveal they’re not respecting quarantine rules. Clearly, such a reckless person is not boyfriend material.

[mamonthemoon]

5′s in Tarot:

Fives in The Minor Arcana represent change and the need for change. The energy of Five changes the order of things for either good or bad. Unlike most other cards in tarot where the Upright aspect is deemed to be more positive, the Five changes this pattern by being more positive when Reversed. Five just has to be different, or difficult! When Upright, it can be rigid and narrow as it resists change or struggles with it. When Reversed it becomes all-embracing and accepting. However, because Reversed Cards can be extreme, the conflict of the Upright can become intense. Alas, due to Five’s overriding erratic nature, both the Upright and Reverse aspect can bring great extremes. The orientation of Five dictates the manner in which it deals with or approaches change. The change brought about by Five is often unexpected or chaotic.

After a period of stability, building resources, consolidation and preparation, the Universe shifts gear and jolts the Four Suits back into mainstream life once more.  Change is needed to shift them out of individual ruts, mind-sets, lifestyles and behavior.  Up until now, they may have felt somewhat in control of life and had a certain idea of how things would run for the rest of their journey.  The arrival of the energy of Five throws curve balls at them from out of the blue, some traumatic and destabilizing.  Some may have felt the energy of Five building over a period of time and are not totally surprised by the turn of events, while others remained blissfully ignorant of the rapidly approaching upheaval in their lives. Like a runaway train, Five comes hurtling down the tracks, eager to cause as much disturbance as possible. However, every cloud has a silver lining, even the Five Cloud. What is one person’s misfortune can turn out to be someone else’s gain. Also, without Five, the Suits would never fully appreciate the oasis that Four and Six offer, or the sense of achievement gained in the Ten. Without challenge, the Suits will not progress and evolve, the full human existence not truly experienced.

- Truly Teach Me Tarot

So I have three 5′s here: The Hierophant as SELF, the 5 of Swords as HIGHER POWER, and the 5 of Cups as ALLIES.

This makes sense to me.

The Hierophant’s stance, to me, looks like my self preservation of NO. Holding his hand up- no more.  That is what I see.  I will look into it more..

5 of Swords, yes I’ve decided to abandon everyone and go it alone. Then, again leaving psycho man and walking away with nothing but myself. The facial expression on the guy, I have seen this card before and felt he was wrong perhaps, as it looks like the other two people dont appreciate his “me be the winner” attitude.. it looks like he is greedy or unkind and doesnt play well with others, like a bratty only child who wants the toy to himself. Now I see Psycho’s face, smiling during conflict, while he dominates and hurts me on the inside, me feeling completely defeated and weak and done.. and him smiling at moments, pleased that he is stronger than me and feels he is winning somehow, and I couldn't possibly crack a smile if I tried with all my might. So as a higher power, I tuned in to what to do, and felt it best just to let him “win” and walk away preserving my safety. Chaos of 5.. yes... horrible argument exhausting.. asshole.. arguing for no reason really, other than he cant accept I needed rest he just wants his way and bullied me and as a result, my love disappeared- he beat it out of me.  Then he was angry because I wouldnt love him.  He really thought he would dominate and win.  He really got very greedy, as I gave him MY ALL and put an extreme amount of energy and resources and complete devotion on the table.  He experienced a taste of heaven, due to me, and our alliance- but mostly because of me and who and how i am and how i dedicated myself completely... he seems to think he could squeeze gold out of me by force, i dont know, but I do know, life was going really good and looking up for him since he started interacting with me and it continued to get better for him.. but as for me... I gave everything and lose everything too.  All I have is myself, walking away, I took myself, and Im sure the loss resulting from his extreme appalling actions has hit him hard.  I doubt he is smiling right now.  I am enduring great suffering, and have no money, no car, no nothing at the moment... but I do have support, from the homeless shelter, and strive to make the best of every situation and seize opportunity out of challenges.. which brings me to the third 5 card..

5 of Cups, as Allies. Cups represent emotions, feelings.  Here I am with a bunch of battered women in a homeless shelter.  My solace is in being understood, accepted, helped, and in the company of others with similar and differing struggle. I have people helping me, even though it is just a little bit, I am extremely grateful.  I mean, I am suffering through panic attacks in the morning, dry heaving, nausea, extreme anxiety, a female health problem, and shit on my right hand that appeared in three spots appearing differently for each spot.. the day of the major argument/altercation. CHAOS of Emotions but mostly my nervous system.  I dont feel chaos in my mind just my body.  I am very sad for how hard I have worked, and where I am now.. I am very sad everyone I align with doesnt really give a shit about me, and not only do they not contribute or give as much as me, WORSE- they fucking hurt me and ruin my life, or, more benign, are friendships I devote myself to while they just fucking sit there basically, not trying or striving for much more than their routine existence, and I am always striving pretty hard, or forced to rest because I HAVE strived so hard.