#once again her doctor didn’t even care. so like. ugh sorry i’m just upset

[stargazerken]

i started out doing inorganic chemistry, eventually decided on doing pharmaceuticals so I switched into organic chem and biochem to supplement. the more i learn, the more i realize the ENTIRE diet industry is a scam. Like not just most of it. ALL of it. The only advice anyone can give you to lose weight is to go hungry, unless they are giving you medicine which regulates leptin/NPY (which you will need to take for the rest of your life).

scientists have known since the 90s that our bodies have a “set point” in which our body heavily regulates our hormones so that we never go below or too much above that weight?? and like. nobody talks about it.

[justoneday-namjoonii]

Quarters. | 9

☼1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 

prompt: “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” — soul-gazing

pairing: Jungkook x reader

warnings/au: please keep warnings in mind—dysfunctional relationship with a capital D, toxic relationship themes, but they’re attempting to get better, probably inaccurate therapy but i tried, m-ish, humor(i try), mentions of drug usage, cheater cheater pumpkin eater?, fluff, angst, boxer!au, iceskater!au. 

authors note: Hello!!💖it’s been a while since the last update but here we are. ✨This chapter is pretty long✨. Unlike some of the other parts, it is following the timeline of the previous part(pt. 8) so just keep that in mind. See m.list for other parts. Enjoy!🥰

“Do it again, you need to stop relying on your right leg so much!”

Your coach yells for the third time in the last hour, she’s being a tyrant today. Your poor ankles are about to break off, your legs are straining and the cold air is starting to feel like vengeful needles. It’s been about two months since the incident with your leg and the doctor at your last check up granted you freedom to skate again. You’re glad it did to because you were about to go crazy. After the scandal came out about you and your ex-coach judge, she asked you if you wanted to get back into pairs. She went on about how Lucas was open to joining pairs again and that maybe you could get back with him—tempting offer. You’ve thought about it, though you still haven’t made a decision. It has been months since your injury, you can no longer use it as an excuse to take things easy. 

Determined to get it right, you skate back to your starting point and try it again. You skate forward, bending your knees just slightly to gain more momentum and once you turn, you take off into a triple salchow. Perfect.

”Finally,” You mutter, skating over to the edge of the rink where your coach is just getting off a phone call.

“Okay, Lucas will be here on Thursday to practice with you,” She smiles, tucking her phone in her pocket, “there’s a competition in two months and I think you two should sign up for it.”

“Coach, I haven’t decided if I want to get back into that,” You put on your blade guards and walk over to the lockers, “I just don’t know yet.”

“Think about it,” She leans against the lockers as you untie your skates and put them in your bag, “if you’re seriously pursuing this career, you have to be flexible. You’re not getting any younger. I hate it just as much as you do but you’ll get positive exposure with him and maybe even pick up a sponsor for the season.”

“Fine,” You zip up your duffel bag and slip your hoodie on, deciding to leave the yoga pants on, “but I need a break. I worked a night shift last night so I’m only standing because I took three espresso shots and I’m about to take another one, I’m exhausted.”

“I know you are, try to get some rest this weekend. You’ll be at the ballet studio for half of next week so you won’t be on the ice,” She says that, hoping it’ll give you some relief, “just don’t forget to soak your feet tonight.”

You gather your stuff and walk out of the center, waving at Carrie the desk clerk like a zombie. It’s only 8 o’clock but you’ve been here for two hours, you feel like you’re in a time loop. An eternal warp created to keep you totally spent. When you hop in your car, you crank it up and turn the heat on. Not long after, your eyelids begin to feel heavy so you drive over to the closest coffee shop. When you look down at your phone, you see a missed call from Jeon Jungkook. All prior emojis have been removed from his contact.

His call will stay missed, just like the other five. You’re not in the mood for his sob story. About two weeks ago, you decided that you two needed to take a break but he took it hard. You remember sitting on your couch with crossed arms and staring at him as he twisted and squirmed uncomfortably.

“What kind of break?”

Are there different kinds?

“The kind where we stop seeing each other all the time, I don’t know what kind that is, Jungkook. But I can’t deal with this right now, it’s causing me major stress and anxiety...”

“You can’t deal with me?” He sounds hurt.

“Not with you Jungkook, with your crap. I have a ice skating career to try to work out, a job, school, the last thing I need to worry about is whether you can control yourself,” You frown, “you were just at my house with my niece and next thing I know you’re out getting high and fooling around with other girls.”

“You’re still upset about the photo,” He concludes, “baby, I told you, it didn’t go anywhere with that girl, I pushed her off. I wasn’t completely sober but I know I didn’t let her-”

“That’s exactly my point, you were doing drugs. And for what? You don’t need it. I understand a little bit of smoking every now and then but I can’t handle when you do that other stuff. That night was a disaster. I got stabbed, how does that even happen? But of course, it would happen to me,” You massage the sides of your temples. “I’m just over it, I’m tired.”

“You want to give up on us? Just like that? I’ve apologized a thousand times, I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m sorry,” He twiddles his fingers and bites at his bottom lip, “I don’t know what else to do.”

“I’m not giving up,” You defend, “we need some space to work on our selves.”

“Why can’t we work on ourselves together?”

“We’ve been doing that and it doesn’t work.”

The conversation continued on until you two ended up arguing for a good hour before you lied, saying you had to go to class. He left and you haven’t heard from him since, not a a call, a text, a call, not even a like on any of your recent posts. He’s taking this well.

*

“Why did you do that!? She’s gonna think I called her,” Jungkook snatches the phone from Jimin, “fuck, are you trying to get me killed?”

“Come on,” Jimin roles his eyes with a grin, putting his boxing gloves back on, “you guys can’t stay away from each other, you expect me to believe you two aren’t talking-”

“I’m serious, we haven’t talked for weeks,” Jungkook locks his phone with a frown, tucking it in his gym bag, “she’s done with me.”

“Oh, aw man,” He is serious, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you guys broke up.” 

He had been by you and Jungkook for the entirety of the relationship, it always seemed like you preferred things to be spontaneous. Admittedly, he knew Jungkook would do something that pushed you over the edge one day but he didn’t think it would be so soon. 

“We didn’t break up,” Jungkook mumbles, tying his hair back with a head band, “we’re just taking a break, that’s what she told me at least.”

“Aw, that sucks,” Jimin has to contain his amusement, it’s not funny but the fact that Jungkook is giving you full control over the relationship is unusual to him.

“Every time I think about trying to talk to her, I just remember that face she makes and that tone she uses. That’s when I know she does not give a single fuck, it’s scary.” 

“Is there a reason she’s being so hard on you? Don’t get me wrong, you were in the wrong. You shouldn’t have been there but it’s been weeks.”

“Her past relationship was rough on her mentally and emotionally. When she was young she had some things happen to her that causes her to have a hard time trusting others.”

“If you knew that then why did you do what you did?”

“I don’t know, okay? Everyone's been beating me up about it but I just don’t have an answer for you. I said I was sorry,” Jungkook shakes his head, fists making brunt contact with the punching bag, “I just I miss her,”

“It’ll be alright, she’ll come around,” Jimin holds the bag, keeping it still for the lovesick boy, “just give it some time. Hey, I’m taking my niece to the ice-skating rink in town, you should come!”

Jungkook, dramatically collapses to the ground, laying back on the ground with his boxing gloves on his face. “Ice-skating, why would you suggest ice-skating!?” He whines. “That’s literally what she does, it’s just going to remind me of her...”

“Aw Kook, I know,” Jimin can’t help but giggle at Jungkook’s overreaction, “that’s okay, you’ll be fine, and besides,” He pulls him up from the ground and pushes his shaggy hair back, “you can’t stay away from each other forever..”

“What about this one?” You step out of the dressing room, turning from side-to-side to let her see, “I like the color.”

“That’s the one,” Harmony scrolls through her phone, eyes going between you and the screen, “perfect.”

“Harmony, you’re just saying that!” You whine, turning to look into the mirror again with a frown.

“Y/n, this is the 11th dress you’ve tried on, it looks great. I’m serious.”

“Okay, I’ll go with this one then,” You smile, going back in the dressing room to change back into your clothes. Yuna’s having a party for the charity she works with. All of the money donated goes to buying toys and clothes for kids in foster care and orphanages, you attend every year. 

“You know, I heard Jungkook might come with Taehyung,”

Ugh, you forgot that your groups of friends are also friends. Jeon Jungkook, you still consider him your boyfriend in some aspects, but you don’t want to face him right now. Maybe you’re dragging this out too far but honestly, you don’t care. You love him but right now, you’re doing too well to let him crawl himself back into your life. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t creeping on his social media every now and then, you do care enough to see how he’s doing on there. 

“Hm,” 

“That’s all you have to say?” She giggles.

“Yup.”

“Did you officially dump his ass yet?”

You step out of the dressing room, rolling your eyes harder than necessary.

“Look, what happened to you was terrible. You couldn’t skate because of him. You caught him with another girl and you still let him take you home,” She was still bitter about Jungkook taking you away the way he did, she still thinks she should have insisted more.

You clear your throat, “I rather not talk about it.” 

It’s been admittedly awkward every time one of your friends bring that night up. On one hand, you understand why they bash him so hard but on the other hand, it’s hard to hear. You two leave the mall and grab lunch to eat in the comfort of your car..

During this break, you’ve decided to try and take things slow, relax. Admittedly, it would be nice to have Jungkook around again, to run errands with, to cuddle with. It’s hard not to miss him, you knew it would be. 

“We should go to the pop-up ice-skating rink on campus today, it’s a family thing I think,” Harmony squeezes ketchup onto her fries with a thoughtful him, “it sounds fun.”

“It’s funny you say that, Lucas invited me to go ther. He was going to go with his family, I told him I probably wouldn’t be able to.” You sigh.

“Oh, that’s right! The prince is back in town,” Harmony always had a thing for Lucas, even in high school. When you two were partners years ago, she still had a crush on him, “then we definitely should go. Are you getting back into pairs with him?

“Yeah, we’ll do one season together next year.” You have to admit, you are excited to get back into the practice with one of your best friends. 

“I’ll definitely have to brush up on my ballet lessons and I was always a bit too shaky during lifts. Our instructions used to say if I don’t look comfortable during lifts on the stable ground, I can’t expect to look good while I’m being lifted and Lucas is still skating. I trust Lucas a lot more now so I think it’ll go well,”

“Jungkook will love that.”

You take a bite of your chicken sandwich with a heavy sigh, “He’ll live...”

“Uncle,” Yona sits with her little brother in the back seat while they wait for Jungkook to finish pumping the gas, “why does your friend look so grumpy? Doesn’t he want to go skating with us?”

Jimin glances back at Yona and smiles, thinking of how he should explain Jungkook’s situation. “He’s just upset, he’s fine.”

“What is he upset about?” Jimin hesitates for a moment but Jungkook signals that he’s running inside for something.

“Well,” He turns to face her, “can you keep a secret?” She eagerly nods. “Kookie is a little sad because he misses his girlfriend.”

“Oh, what happened to her?” Yona frowns, fearing what Jimin might say.

“Nothing happened to her, he’s okay, they just haven’t seen each other in a long time,” He rakes his brain, trying not to say too much about Jungkook’s love life, “but it’s okay, he’s alright. Just try to understand, he’s not trying to be a grump, he’s just a big teddy bear who pretends to be tough when he’s sad,” He grins, “but don’t tell him I said that.”

“Oh,” She nods adorably, pitying Jungkook, “I won’t,”

in the nick of time, Jungkook comes back with a receipt and mumbles something about the poor management in the convenience store. Jimin notices how Yona looks at him with sympathetic eyes but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too wrapped up in his phone to see that a 9-year-old is pitying his dysfunctional love-life.

It doesn’t take long before the four of them arrive at the skating rink and Jimin is helping, Juda, Yona’s sleepy 5-year-old brother out of the car. Yona takes the liberty of escorting her self out and walking over to Jungkook.

“Hi,” She looks up at him, not even a little intimidated by his towering stature over herself.

Jungkook looks around, as if she’s talking to someone else. “Hi,” He gives her a small wave, “it’s Yona, right?”

“Yes,” She nods, walking by his side, “uncle said your girlfriend skates, do you skate too?” 

Jungkook mentally cringes, bracing himself for whatever Jimin told this little girl about his personal life. “No, I’m a boxer, she’s the skater.”

“Ahh, ice skating is prettier than boxing, you should ice skate too,” She looks back at Jimin and Juda walking side by side, wondering if she should walk with them or stay with Jungkook. Just when she was about to further judge Jungkook’s life choices, Jimin and Juda catch up. Jimin leads the four of them to the skate rental booth where Jungkook avoids eye contact with the girls behind the counter. It’s hard enough to be in your environment, let alone be surrounded by couples and families skating to their hearts content. It’s not the same without you, it doesn’t feel like he should even be trying to enjoy himself after what he did to you.

Jimin and the kids get their skates on, but Jungkook tells them to go ahead without him. The more he sits here, the less he wants to be here.

*

“We decided to come and skate for a little bit, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take your invitation, I didn’t think I’d be able to come.” You and Harmony skate out onto the ice.

Lucas stands at the edge of the rink, smiling. “It’s okay, I’m here with my family so don’t sweat it, hey! You wanna practice a routine, for old time sake?”

“There are way too many people to be practicing a routine. Besides, I’m already sore from practice yesterday.”

“Where’s your boyfriend? I thought you told me he skates with you sometimes,” He skates a circle around you, a toothy grin on his face, “I want to meet him.”

“He was busy,” You lie. You don’t know where Jungkook is or what he’s doing, “It’s just us.″

Somehow, he believes you and skates off with his family while you breathe.

“You lie,” Harmony shakes her head as if to say shame on you.

“What was I supposed to say? I’m not gonna burden him with my personal problems.”

You two go back and forth until she surrenders, claiming she’ll leave you a Jungkook’s relationship out of her mouth for the rest of the day. You highly doubt she can but you appreciate the effort. 

Nononononono—why is he here? And blonde. Your eyes widen, your palms get sweaty, just seeing him affects you. You’ve missed him. Judging by the way he’s sitting on the bench with his skates beside him, he looks sad. Who is he here with? 

”Y/n, Harmony, hey!” Jimin skates over to you with two little kids by his side, they’re so cute. “What’re you two doing here?”

”Jimin? Hi, fancy meeting you here, we decided to come last minute,” You’ve connect the dots now, “who are these two cuties?”

“I’m babysitting my niece and nephew,” He holds both of your hands and the both of them say a shy little greeting, “say hello guys,”

“Hi,” Yona waves at you two and you greet her with a bright smile.

Jimin glances back at Jungkook who has yet to notice you. “Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute?” You nod.

“Harmony can you please watch them for a second?”  “Me? Um, I guess but-”

You skate to the edge of the rink and Jimin follows, you already anticipating what this conversation is about.

“Jungkook is here.”

“I know, I saw him,” You deadpan.

“Look, I know what happened between you guys and he probably doesn’t want me to say this, but he’s been the biggest bitch since you two split, I’ve never seen him so at odds with himself.”

“What am I supposed to do about that? That’s not my fault.” You frown.

“I’m not saying that you need to do anything,” Now he understands what Jungkook meant about your infamous tone. “I just wanted to let you know, I figured you haven’t talked.”

“I’m sorry,” You hold your face in your hands, “I’m not trying to be mean, I just have a lot on my mind and I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with him today.”

“Maybe you two can talk, I’m not saying you should get back together but maybe talking face to face will help you find common ground?”

That’s advice that you know you should take but the thought of talking to him makes your stomach uneasy. It’s easier to ignore him, erase him from your life while you figure out what you want. You’re very childish in the aspect of talking things out, he is too.

“Here he comes,” Jimin looks over at Jungkook who is slowly approaching you two, “I’ll give you two some space-”

“Jimin, I swear, if you did this on purpose!-” Your threat is cut short when he skates away and Jungkook skates up to you. As if you don’t even see him, you quickly skate away, uninterested in anything he might have to say.

Jungkook knows he can’t possibly out-skate you. He mumbles a few curses before skating over to Jimin and the kids as frustrated as ever. For a moment, he almost changed course because Harmony, his biggest hater, is with them and she is one of the last people he wants to see.

“Jungkook, hey,” Jimin sighs, dreading the angry frown in Jungkook’s brows, “I’m glad you decided to-”

“Did you know she was here?” Jungkook cuts straight to the punch, not paying any mind to Harmony whose staring at him as if he’s a mass murderer.

“No,” Jimin shrugs, voice low in order not to alarm the kids who are skating near by, “you know I would have told you.”

“I’ll be in the car.” He skates off, anxious to get off the ice but he’s stopped when another skater bumps into his shoulder.

“Sorry!-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook shrugs, but just when Jungkook was about to leave the guy gives him a weird look. 

“Wait, what’s your name? You look so familiar,”

“Jungkook,” He responds with a bit of impatience, “I don’t think I know you from anywhere, sorry-”

“You’re Y/n’s boyfriend! She showed me some of her pictures pictures,” Lucas smiles but Jungkook’s eyes darken, “I’m Lucas, we’re competing in pairs again next season, I’m sure she’s told you.”

“Oh, I didn’t know, probably slipped her mind,” You haven’t mentioned it on purpose. Then again, how could you? You haven’t talked in weeks.

Just when he thought this day couldn’t get any worse, he meets your partner, and he’s not ugly,

“She said you couldn’t come because you were busy, did you come to surprise her?”

“Something like that- I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

“Okay, well...nice to meet you,” Lucas waves him off but Jungkook doesn’t pay him any mind. 

He thought this might go differently, why did he think that? As soon as he saw you, that tug in his heart came back, that desire to be around you came back. When you walked away, it made him feel like crap, you didn’t even want to look at him.

While he’s skating off to the side to leave the rink, he sees you taking off your personal skates and putting them in their bag. Of course, your caddie is right next to where his heavy black boots are. He enters the room opens the caddie with the little pass-code they gave him when he rented the skates. You spare him a glance as you tie your sneakers and he sits to get his shoes on.

“Did you have to ignore me like that?” He decides to speak up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You frown, “I don’t even know why you’re here.”

“Since when did you start caring where I go?” He bites back. “You’ve been ghosting me for fucking weeks and suddenly I’m not allowed to go out?”

“I didn’t want to see you...I was doing so good, I was forgetting about you.” You lean back, not giving him eye contact.

”Wow, just what I wanted to hear,” He thought you would say something like that but he didn’t expect you to be so blunt. 

“You can’t say you’re surprised, can you?”

“No, but the least you can do is talk to me.”

”Fine, that’s fair. What do you have to say?” You stand to your feet, your bag tight in your hand/

”Believe it or not,” He gets up to lean on the wall behind him, “I love you, so I'm letting you drag me along and make all of the rules but I’m just asking that you communicate with me, I need to know what you want,” He tends to ask this question when he’s most desperate for your good side to emerge.

“Why don’t you tell me what you want? I’m not the one going around making decisions that hurt our relationship, not recently anyway.” You throw a jab at him, you couldn’t contain it anymore.

“If you’re trying to make me feel like shit, you’ve succeeded. You’ve been succeeding for weeks now, it’s actually starting to get to me, mentally.” As he says that, an unsuspecting few individuals come in to get there things.

“Can-” You pause and walk over to him to eliminate the awkward distance, “Can we talk about this somewhere else?”

His spirits brighten a little because at least you’re interested in continuing the conversation, you haven’t even attempted to do that until now. So when he stutters out an “okay”, his feet move as soon as yours do. He’s walking right next to you and you find yourself keeping your arms crossed, away from his hands that you would normally be holding. By the time you walk out to the rink, Jimin is still with the kids and Harmony is gone, probably in the restroom. You find a secluded area near the concession area and take a seat, he does the same right across from you. 

“Do you want to break up?” 

He puts it out there. He’s never been the one to hesitate, especially when his heart is on the line.

“What do you mean?” You swallow, not expecting to be confronted with that question.

He almost scoffs because you’re having a similar reaction to his reaction to you telling him you wanted to take a break.

“Do you not want to be in a relationship anymore? If this isn’t something you’re willing to do anymore, I need you to tell me so I can grieve in peace...I feel really lost right now.”

“Grieve? I’m not going to die if we break up, Jungkook, and I never said I wanted to break up—I never said I didn’t love you either. That’s not what this is about, it’s not about whether we love each anymore, it’s about trust.” 

“How can I gain your trust?”

You look around, making sure no one is listening in on you two before mumbling out your answer. “I don’t know...I just don’t trust you, I can’t tell you how to make it up to me because people who screw me over, I normally stay as far away from them as I can.”

All you can think about is the lies from your birth-mother, the betrayal and humiliation that came over you when you found out about your ex. Situations like that always come to mind when the subject of trust is mentioned. You’ve been hurt and Jungkook knows that, he knows when you feel like you can’t trust someone, you shut down. You want nothing to do with that person, your pain blinds you—its your character flaw.

“You’re lucky I’m even talking to you right now,” You mumble, nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Yeah, I know.” He scoffs, a look of disbelief that turns into an understandable shrug of his shoulders. 

“I’ve always thought of you as someone I didn’t deserve, you know that,” He glances down at his twiddling fingers, “when we got together, you changed me and I’m so grateful for that...I was such a shitty person before I met you- I mean, I’m sure you think I’m shitty now but I was way worse.” It surprises you when you see tears welling at his eyes that he quickly wipes away, tattooed fingers getting a bit wet.

“Jungkook,” You lay a hand over his with sympathetic eyes, “I still love you.”

“Seriously?” He glances up at you, surprised. 

“Yes...You hurt me, you made me feel stupid and I’m not over it...But I never forget those times where I made life difficult for you, you never made me feel irredeemable. No matter how awful I acted, you never made me feel like a burden. That’s more than I can say about a lot of people in my life.”

The more you talk this out with him, the more you realize how harshly you’ve been treating him. It doesn’t change how you feel about your relationship, but it does open your eyes to the standard you’ve been holding him to. You don’t know if you’re ready to start again.

“Well, I have to be honest with you,” He looks at you through his dirty blonde locks, “it still hurts like hell to have you treat me like a stranger. That shit is painful, even for me.”

“I’m sorry,” You murmur out an apology before you can really think about it, “I’m just upset at you is all...” Slowly, you take your hand off of his and your eyes wander back to his dear-like eyes. 

“Everyone’s telling me I should let you go but I don’t want to. I just need to know that you’re willing to wait for me, and to work on yourself...”

“I’ll do anything, I’ll do whatever it takes for us,”

Shortly after that day, you found yourself thinking more and more about your future. It made you cringe at one point, what were you planning to do with the rest of your life? Whatever you planned to do, you always imagined Jungkook would be by your side. Now, you’re coming to terms with the fact that things may not go as planned.

“Y/n, are you ready?” Lucas calls your name from outside of the dressing room.

”What are you doing in here? This is the woman’s locker room,” You open the door, now fully dressed in your new leotard.

”We’re the only ones here,” Lucas stands with a matching outfit, far less sparkly as yours.

”Why does she always pick these leotards for me? You always get the toned down looks-” You walk over to the mirror, furrowing your brows, “Oh, actually, this one is kinda nice.”

“She knows you’re the most dramatic out of the two of us, maybe that’s why,” He shrugs his shoulders before quickly running back out into the ballet studio. Your least favorite part of your career is the ballet lessons, it’s the most grueling.

“Come on out, Y/n, we only have the studio for the morning so we need to use our time wisely.”

“Sorry,” You walk out with an urgency, “the costume fits okay, a little snug but it’s doable.”

Coach gives you a knowing look, she’s been floating the idea of a diet around. As committed as you are to your craft, dieting is one thing you don’t think you need to do well. You try to stay fit but sometimes you’re more concerned about your dwindling love life than you dress size. The ballet instructor emerges from around the corner and you cringe, the next few hours are about to be painful. 

Yet, as the class progresses, your thoughts drift farther from the positions and you find yourself zoning out completely.

*

*

At one point in time, you couldn’t imagine being without Jungkook. Out of all of the people who’ve come and gone out of your life, he stayed. He became your best friend and your first love.

“I don’t want to be here anymore, please, just let me go home,” You sat on the hotel room floor, hair pin in your hands and a painfully cold ice bag on your ankle, “...I can’t go back out there.”

She stands with crossed arms, her unchanging expression not doing anything for your emotional state.”Y/n, you are a professional, and do you know what professionals do?”

”No.”

“They finish the competition, no matter what. You need to stay for the judging, “

“Why? I fell on my biggest jump on live television. Cindy. I look like an amateur...There’s no way in hell they’ll even consider placing me. That means I’m done for, I might as well kiss nationals goodbye.”

”That was the last program, you still have a chance-“

”Not after Charlotte’s routine! You said it yourself, I had to be flawless or Charlotte would take my spot in the qualifying team, there was no room for error. This is the one time it had to be perfect...” You use the bed to help you up and you sit down n the edge of it.

”It won’t be perfect every time. You work harder than any girl I know, and not just in this sport, you work hard at whatever you do and you support yourself, you’re the only girl I know who’s parents aren’t paying for you to be here. You deserve to be here, you made one mistake, one. It’s not the end of the world, sweetheart,” Cindy takes a seat beside you, a comforting hand going to your shoulder, “these things happen.”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm down and think rationally. Cindy is trying her best to talk you off of the ledge but you’re very much still there. She says you work so hard, but what do you have to show for it? You’re doing this alone a majority of the time. Your family only comes to support you sometimes, they don’t have a lot of free time to spend on your hobby. Your iceskating is a glorified hobby to them, they won’t say it but it’s true. After they told you to pick a major and find a good paying 9-5, they stopped paying for your iceskating. They’re paying for school but that’s it, you’re supporting yourself in every other aspect. That gave you all the reason to try to prove to them that you were an exceptional athlete. To prove to them that you did it all on your own, that’s your only goal. Yet, the more you reach for that, the farther you get from it.

”Listen, I need to check on the other girls, alright? I hope you reconsider.” She pecks your forehead, a motherly affection that you’ve come to appreciate from her. She is like a mom in some ways. She cares for the entire team, and she would never say it, but she has a particular soft spot for you. She can see how much you want this, how the ice can take you to a different place.

You were meant to do this, she always tells you that. She saw the fire in you as soon as she accepted you on her team. Your passion attracted her to you, you never stopped, you had so much drive. Some people are meant to fight tooth and nail for what they want, sometimes you have to ask yourself, why do I have be one of those people?

Ignoring your better judgment, you packed your bags and took the 2-hour drive back to your apartment. All while you were fleeing the city to seek refuge at home, you received multiple phone calls from Jungkook but you couldn’t bring yourself to call him back. When you got home, you took off your tracksuit and sank face first into your coach. 

As much as you wanted Jungkook to come to the competition, you insisted that he stay and take that job. He hasn’t been boxing as much so any extra art job he can take, you encourage him to take it. He told you he’d streamed the competition while working on the mural at a nearby bar. His heart sank when you took that fall.  You put hours of practice into that routine and perfected it, he had seen you do it flawlessly several times. 

All he wanted to do was hug you and tell you that you did well but all he could do was hope that you weren’t beating yourself up. He could only imagine how devastated you were and to not be able to be there for you, he couldn’t stand it. He finished up the mural and you had finally texted him saying, ‘I came home early.’ He went straight to your apartment with the big pink bunny he bought for you, you need it even more now.

”Hey, it’s me,” He opened the front door and announced himself softly and walks further inside. 

The television barely illuminates the living room but he sees you laying on the couch. He sits the bunny down behind the couch so you can’t see them before walking around to greet you in your depressing state.

“I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow, baby,” He rests a hand on thigh and kisses your cheek, “you must’ve known how much I was missing you,” His attempt to make you smile goes painfully unnoticed. 

He bites at his bottom lip in thought. “Did something happen?...”

You swallow the lump in your throat and finally look him in the eyes, “Did you watch my second program?” 

“I did, you looked beautiful-”

“I’m quitting.”

He turns his whole body to you, brows deeply furrowed like a cartoon character. “What?”

You cover your face with a pillow, successfully hiding your tears, “I’m calling Cindy to tell her I don’t want to do it anymore, I quit.”

“Woah, wait, why?” He takes the pillow from you to see your face, “Y/n, calm down, what’s going on? Tell me what happened.”

“I- I didn’t make the national team, that was my only chance until next year. All my hard work went down the drain and everyone saw me screw up..” You wipe your tears with your sleeve.

“Hey, it’s okay, you cry if you need to,” He pulls you into a hug, cradling your head to his chest, “I know this is tough for you but it’s not the end of the world, it’ll get better.”

You pull away from him as if he were suddenly hot to the touch and bury your face into the arm of the couch. “You wouldn’t understand, the pique of my career was riding on this, and I blew it. It feels like the end of my world, okay?” 

You know your words are muffled by the couch, that’s probably for the better anyway. “T- that’s just how I feel...” 

He doesn’t pry any further after that. He knows there’s not much he can say to change your mind right now. Instead, he scoots closer to your side and places a comforting hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles as he waits for you to continue.

“I have nothing if I lose this, there’s all this pressure on my shoulders and its tearing me apart...” You turn to wipe your face and sit up. “I love skating, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do...if I stop, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

You’ll never forget that night. 

He lifted you into his lap and kept his arms tight around you. “You’re so much more than just your skating. You’re so good at but it’s not all that you are.” Jungkook has a way of talking you off of the edge but that night, you were especially down on yourself.

“Yes it is...” 

“No it’s not,” He sighs, “look, I know what it feels like to find your identity in something and then all of a sudden, that something is gone...When my portfolio got rejected, I felt like a failure. My family never got behind the boxing thing, so I’ve always tried to find another way to support myself just in case for whatever reason it doesn’t work out...I didn’t start realizing that until recently. I’m constantly torn between giving up one dream for the other but I want to do both, you actually inspire me to do both.” You furrow your brows, briefly abandoning your own issues to listen to him. 

“You work so hard and you’re showing your family that you can do this, you just have to believe in yourself, and you know what? You’re doing amazing. Tonight was just a bad night, it happens.” He squeezes you tight and you do the same, arms fastened around his neck as if it would kill you to let go.

You didn’t need to say anything after that. You settled your mind and you were no longer at the edge, you were still close, but not there. With your head resting over his shoulder, you try to peek over the couch to see what he dropped back there when he walked in.

“Hey, what’d you think you’re doing?” Jungkook leans forward and your grip around him is loosened so you can no longer look back there. “You think I got something for you?”

You look down a bit embarrassed that he caught you, “Well, yeah...you did,  didn’t you?” You smile for the first time tonight and he breathes a sigh of relief. Finally.

He was going to tease you for wanting your gifts even though you just had a meltdown. But how could he? He wants to keep this smile on your face for as long as possible.

“Sit,” He lifts you off his lip and back to your previous seat on the couch, “no peeking.”

You hold your hands over your eyes, excited even thought have no idea what it might be.

“Okay, open.”

When you move your hands to see you squeal in excitement. “Oh, Jungkook! It’s so cute!” You stand up to take the pink bunny that’s almost more than half your size. “Thank you,” You lean into him with the bunny between you two, “it’s so big and soft, like you.”

“Yeah I know,” He sways from side-to-side with you in his arms, “you feeling better?”

You muffle your sigh into the stuffed animal, “I still wanna quit.”

“Oh stop,” He pulls the from your grip and tosses it onto the couch, “you’re just being bratty now,”

“No I’m not,” You whine, the issue still very fresh, “I’m still sad...I just really like my gift and I’m happy to see you...But I am still upset.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” He lays on the couch and beckons you into his arms to lay on his chest, “let’s cuddle you until you feel better then, will that help?” 

“Maybe...”  

You’d be lying if you said you could live without that side of him.

*

A few days later, you’re surprised you hadn’t heard from him. But when you get back from the gym with a missed call from him and a solemn text to  ‘call back when you can’, you actually call him back.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothings wrong. Thank you for calling me back.” 

His voice sounds relaxed but a bit anxious.

“Did you need something?” You sigh, pouring your boiling water in your mug.

“Are you free to go with me somewhere at 11? And then maybe, we could grab dinner? Just-...Don’t be mad, please.”

Anxiety bubbles in your chest.

“What’re you talking about?”

“I signed us up for couples therapy.”

“You did what?” Somewhere in your mind, you had wanted him to bring this up—you never imagined that he actually would.

”You said we don’t know how to work on ourselves together, I read that therapy helps with that. Will you go with me? If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again I swear.”

“Jungkook...I appreciate the effort, I really do, but how did you find this therapist? Do you trust them?”

”Of course. He has great reviews online and my-...Well, my mom found him actually.”

You pause, a bit taken aback. He talked to his mom about your relationship and he took her advice about seeing a therapist? He must have really taken your words to heart about getting help.

“Can you pick me up?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in 20.”

When he picked you up, you were reminded just how well he could clean up. Sure, he always dresses so well and smells amazing, but he’s different today—you can tell he put in a lot of effort. You’re glad you decided to do your makeup and where a nice sundress, you would have felt terribly under-dressed.

“Hi, how can I help you?

“Hi, we have an appointment for Jeon at 5, with Seojoon.”

You stand next to Jungkook at the front desk, your hands tightly clutching your purse. It’s hard to not think the woman is judging you and Jungkook for being here. She’s probably seen hundreds of people come into this office but something in you can’t shake the feeling. She directs you two to the waiting room and says he’ll come get you two in a few minutes.

“So,” You begin, glancing at Jungkook, “I’m nervous...” 

“Me too.” This is new for the both of you. In only a few seconds, who you assume to be Seojoon emerges from the hallway and you look at him a bit wide-eyed. 

“Hi, Jungkook, Y/n, are you two ready?” 

“Oh, um, yes.” You stand up in sync with Jungkook, already wanting to run out of here but you resist.

You have to admit that the office is really nice, not stiff and sterile looking, the energy is very calming. Seojoon opens the door to a cozy-looking room with tons of natural sun light. There’s warm-rose colored couch that you assume is for ‘the couple.’

“Alright, you can take a seat right there, make yourselves comfortable.” He smiles, taking a seat and you two do the same.

“So let’s get right into it. What brought you two here today? If you could both tell me your separate answers, that would be great.” Despite Seojoon looking at you directly to presumably go first, you divert your eyes and look at Jungkook to say something first.

“Well, we’re- I think we’re going through a lot right now and I just want to save our relationship.” Jungkook sits back, resting against the arm of the couch as he gazes at you to give your answer.

“What about you, Y/n?”

You glance down at your lap, feeling very out of your comfort zone and not confident enough to verbalize what you would like to say. Alas, you try.

“I feel the same way, we’re not in a good place and I’m confused about what to do-...I just want what we used to have.” You confess a bit of your true feelings but ignore the longing look Jungkook gives you.

“When did you start feeling like the relationship was changing?”

“Fairly recently. We were fine, at least I thought we were until I saw him with another girl back in an old lifestyle that I thought he gave up...”

Seojoon diverts his attention away from you and to Jungkook. “Jungkook, do you want to share a little bit about that?”

“Not really,” He answers honestly at least.

“Why not?”

“To be honest, I don’t know why she keeps throwing the same jab at me. I’ve told her the truth but she doesn’t want to hear it. I went out that night,” He almost glares at you, “I didn’t plan to. I ran into an old friend and I just-...I thought it was harmless and I got caught up...” 

Seojoon scribbles something down. “Okay, so can you fill me in a little bit. Are we talking about unfaithfulness? Addiction?”

“Unfaithfulness,” You interject. “he said he didn’t cheat on me but...” You mumble, your confidence faltering for some reason. “It’s hard to believe that.”

“But you think he did so you have some distrust. Were you unfaithful, Jungkook?”

“It doesn’t matter if I say I did or I didn’t, she thinks I did.” He shrugs.

”Y/n,” Seojoon puts an end to the death stare you had on Jungkook, “can you tell Jungkook what cheating looks like to you?”

”Not sleeping with her doesn’t mean you didn’t cheat on me. Letting her put her hands on you- And I don’t care if it was just a kiss! You shouldn’t have been in that situation, and for me to have to see it on social media? I could have killed you I was so mad. You should ask Jungkook what cheating is to him. We obviously have different standards for defining it...”

”What does cheating look like to you, Jungkook?” He heeds your suggestion without any push-back.

”To me,” He hesitates, feeling a bit scrutinized, “it’s when a person violates the intimacy of the relationship by giving it to someone else.”

“What kind of intimacy?”

“Emotional, physical, every kind,” He turns to you, “I wouldn’t do thingst that I do with Y/n with anyone else, not by choice-”

“Yes you would! You did...Are you trying to tell me that you were assaulted? That she forced her way on you?”

“I was blitzed! I don’t fucking know. All I do know is that she got on top of me and I pushed her off. That’s it. I swear, if anything else happened, I don’t remember it.”

“I don’t care. You know what I’ve been through, to even allow another girl to even get close to touching you like that...It was a slap in the face.”

Seojoon’s ears perk up at the mention of your past. “Did you have to go through a similar situation in a previous relationship?” 

“Yes and he knows this. I was being cheated on before and the guy had a literal baby on the way throughout our entire relationship...It was traumatizing.” It stings his ears to hear you say that. But it’s true, he knows your past and he didn’t let it stop him. 

“What happened must have triggered you,” You nod to yourself, “but you’re here to try to work through forgiveness and build trust. If you two are comfortable with it, I’d like you do do two exercises; one here and one when you’re alone. The first one that you’ll do here, I need you to face each other, preferably close, and I have some questions for you two to ask each other.”

“Like this?” Jungkook answers instantly and turns to you, getting closer to you than he has in weeks. You face him slowly, eyes wavering a bit. His face has always been a soft-spot for you, staring at him makes you feel weak.

“Actually,” Seojoon stands up, gesturing for you to do the same, “two chairs might be more comfortable, yeah? Let’s go to my other room.”

You follow Seojoon to a small room with three chairs a small table in front of them. Jungkooks pulls seat out so they’re facing each other. When you look up to acknowledge him with deliberate eye-contact, for a moment he thinks you might be softening. 

“I want you all to start with ‘I’ statements, tell your partner how you feel or how you felt in this case. Try to maintain eye-contact and truly listen to each other.”

“I’ll go first,” You volunteer because you want to get this over with.

“I feel alone and helpless when you go back to your old habits, I feel like you’re hiding things from me...” You find a way to keep your eyes-locked to his. 

“I’m not asking you to be perfect but I just want you to make me feel special to you...Like you wouldn’t dream of being with someone else. Because I don’t think of loving anyone else, and trust me I’ve tried to imagine it but I can’t,” You bite your cheek to keep from crying, “you make it so hard to trust you. You don’t listen and you don’t change until it’s too late.” 

Being emotionally inept is something you are both too good at. It’s difficult for you to share your true feelings with a clear mind, but when you do, you can never guess what will happen next. 

“I feel trapped by you. I know I fucked everything up, okay? You don’t have to keep reminding me.” His tone is harsher than you anticipated. 

“I’m trying to put in the fucking effort to help us, and I’m giving you time. But when you tell me you still want me but you won’t even let me come around, it’s confusing. You’re confusing, that’s just how I feel.” His brows furrow and you notice Seojoon watches the exchange intently.

“But I miss you and I want you back, I don’t want to take a break,” He leans forward with his hands firmly gripping your knees over your dress, “I know you think I’m an asshole but I try to change, I’m trying, you know I wouldn't bring you to this if I could think of any other way to prove that to you.” The strain in his voice only stirs more emotions inside of you. 

“Jungkook,” Seojoon calls his name softly and Jungkook looks over as if he forgot he was there, “try not to engage in any physical, okay? It can be overwhelming.”

“Sorry,” He takes his hands from you and sits back, “that’s all I want to say.” 

“Alright, well, um,” Seojoon clears his throat, eager to break the tension up a little bit, “unfortunately our session is up but I want to give you two a list of exercises and talking points. I know this was a consultation appointment but I want to give you some things to work on at home. I’ll have Kelly type up your homework, alright?”

“Okay, thank you,” you both thank the therapist but you get up with an urgency and leave the room before Jungkook can follow you. When you make it out to the waiting room, you spot the bathroom and you bolt to it. Before you have to spend a car ride with him, you need to get your emotions together. 

“Mr. Jeon,” The receptionist calls him from the hall, “this is for you, you can bring it back to the next appointment for a discount.” Jungkook halfheartedly thanks her before going to the car. He doesn’t even know if there will be another session. He needs to smoke before you come out and you’ll freak if he smokes while you’re in the car. 

“Why did I come here...” You look at the mirror and frown, you look so rough. It was nice to get everything out in the open but you knew he’d get intense eventually. Only when the toilet flushed did you remember that there were multiple stalls in here. When you look away from the mirror to fumble through your purse, just trying to avoid talking to her. 

”Hi, how are you?”

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“Oh god, nervous, I’m nervous. Me and my husband, we’re newly weds, our appointment is in five minutes and I really don’t know what to expect. Did you have an appointment with your partner?”

“I did,” You sigh, “it was-...It was fine, don’t be nervous.” In your attempt to comfort her, you find your self in a highly hypocritical position. “Me and my boyfriend, we’re different so ours was a little- A little chaotic but I think it helped a little,” You hesitate, “I don’t know.”

“That makes me feel a little better, hopefully my husband behaves himself,” She tosses her wavy brown hair over her shoulder and smiles, “well, it was nice meeting you.”

It takes you a moment but you gather the strength to wave goodbye and go face your boyfriend.

”Excuse me, Miss, I think your husband forgot to grab this.” The receptionist waves you over and hands you a little folder.

”Oh,” You try to hide the blush forming on your cheeks.  he’s not my- We’re not married.” 

”Oh, I’m sorry! He only put his last name on the appointment so I thought it was your name as well. Sorry about that, have a great rest of your day.” She bids you farewell with a flustered smile.

When you walk outside, you see Jungkook leaning against the car. You thought he might’ve been smoking but you can’t detect any small. That’s a relief.

”You feeling okay?” He questions gently. 

You nod, hopping in the car with the desire to be home already. He gets in the car and glances at you from the corner of his eye, he worries that this might have been too much for you. 

“Where do you want to eat?” 

“There’s a ramen place down the street, that’s fine with me.” You suggest, eyes trained on your phone.

The air in the car isn’t tense or stiff, its just quiet. There’s a lot to unpack from the session and you figured Jungkook was thinking through it too. That’s why when you two arrived at the ramen shop, took your seats, and placed your orders, the silence was getting to be a bit too awkward for you.

“I like the new hair, you’ve never gone this blonde before,” You glance up at him, trying to start a conversation, “it looks good.”

“Thanks, it was an impulsive thing. I heard you decided to get back into pairs,” He brings the coke to his lips, “I was surprised to hear that.”

“Oh, yeah,” You figured he would find out soon, “I’m back with Lucas for the season.”

“Good for you,” That’s not a reaction you were expecting from anti-pairs-skating Jungkook. Then again, you know him well enough to know that he’s probably keeping his true opinion to himself.

“The receptionist gave this to me,” You pull the paper out of your purse and show it to him, “I think it has additional information.”

“Let me see,” You hand it to him, “hm, soul-gazing? What the hell is that...” He reads over the description and it makes him giggle. “Nonverbal communication between lovers, allows couples to explore intimate places in the relationship. We do this already, but it’s a little more than eye contact,” He recalls those dreamy moments that he used to share with you so often, gazing at you with a smile.

“We can try that later maybe,” You avoid his smile with a glance out the window.

“Okay. So, about the session today, I hope you understood where I was coming from...I didn’t expect to say all that, I’m sorry if it was too much.”

“Don’t apologize, I wanted to hear how you felt.”

“I’m sorry,” He extends a hand out on the table, hoping you’ll take it, “I’ve thought about what I’ve done and I’ve tried to repent for it. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you. But just tell this once, you miss us, don’t you?”

“I do, Jungkook...It’s just, I’m in a tough spot and I don’t- I don’t want to disappoint anyone or myself.”

“You’re talking about your friends or your family?” He frowns at the thought of either party trying to discourage you.

“My family doesn’t know anything about this, it’s my friends who are concerned for me. They saw me get hurt and they don’t want to see it happen again, they want me to be happy.”

“Don’t listen to them, all they do is talk shit about me and try to tell you what you need. The only people who have a say in this relationship is you and me. We choose what makes us happy, not them.”

“But I’m not happy,” And it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still being judged, “I’ve actually been depressed when I think about us, when I think about what we used to have and what we have now, how did this happen?”

“I’m sorry I did this to you,” He sighs when you finally reach out to take his hand, “I never mean to hurt you,”

“I want you back so bad sometimes,” You break, letting your true feelings out to him, “but just because I want it doesn’t mean I should, it’s always been hard for me to separate the two.”

“That never stopped you before,” He flashes that smile, the one you fell so hard for on the roof of his car. 

“Now look where I’m at,” You take your hand back, “going to therapy with you.”

*

*

Jungkook took you home and sunset had passed, it was already dark. You found yourself inviting him in, hugging him longer than you should have when he was on his way out. Why were you holding on to him so tight? His bomber jacket lands on the floor and you relish in his arms, you haven’t felt like this in a long time. Maybe it won’t hurt to let him in, indulge. It doesn’t take long before you let him kiss you for the first time in weeks. It feels new, it can happen a thousand times and it’ll always feel new. 

But then your phone begins to ring and reality washes over you like a cold shower.

“Wait,” You pull away from the kiss and slide off of the counter to his dismay, “I need to get that-”

“Ignore it,” Jungkook cups your jaw, trying to persuade you with longing eyes, “please ignore it-”

“I can’t, it’s my mom, something might be wrong,” You quickly answer the phone and walk into the living room. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home, is something wrong?”

“You forgot, didn’t you? Your brother Leo, you were supposed to pick him up so he could stay with you for the night. me and your dad had to take Milo to his Taekwondo tournament for the weekend.” Your mother stresses over the phone.

“I’m so sorry! Mom, seriously, I totally forgot,” This is the worst possible timing, “doesn’t Leo have his license, he can drive here, can’t he?”

“We have the car. Don’t worry about it, it’s handled now, his friend came by and he’s staying with him.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how that crossed my mind,” You can’t help but feel as if you’ve disappointed her by forgetting such a simple thing, “I’ve been busy, I’m prepping for the next season, I’m working and in school, it’s a lot right now-”

The conversation  ends with a cold lecture from her and a solemn goodbye when she hangs up. You massage your temples, and look at Jungkook who’s coping with the best part of his day being ruined by a phone call.

“Everything okay?”

“I forgot to pick up my brother, my mom asked if he could crash here but I forgot all about it..”

“When have any of your siblings actually visited you? Except for your sister when she needs a babysitter.” Jungkook always sports a defensive tone when your family comes into the conversation.

“He’s only come over a few times. But he has friends who live over here so that’s normally why,” You take a deep breath. “She sounded frustrated so I know she’s upset.”

”Don’t stress about that,” He comes in close, wrapping his arms around your waist. “your mom shouldn’t beat you up about that, especially since she knows how much you have on your plate.” He smooths down your hair and kisses your forehead gently. That innocent forehead kiss quickly migrated down to your neck and you bite your tongue.

”Jungkook, please,” You get out of his embrace and leave him longing.

"Why do you keep pushing me away? I know you, this isn’t like you. You push me away but never for this long,” He follows you to your bedroom where you kick off your shoes and take off you cardigan. ”If you’re serious about making this work again, you’ve gotta help me out a little here.” 

You feel him looming behind you, so close that you feel the warmth of him on your lower-back, or is that his hand?

“You’re here, aren’t you? I’m being really nice right now,” You step away from him, “but you need to stop.”

“Stop what?” He feigns ignorance.

“If that’s what you were hoping for you should just go,” You pick up his jacket and hand it to him, “it’s not happening.”

“Ok, but do you mind if I stay the night?” 

You stare at him in disbelief for a moment, debating whether or not that’s a good idea.

“Why? It’s not even that late yet.”

“I don’t want to make the drive home, I’ll leave first thing in the morning.” He pleads, those big round eyes helping his case immensely.

“Fine. But you’re on the couch,” He looks a bit disappointed but he was expecting that, “I’m gonna shower, you can wait for me or use the guest bathroom if you want.”

With that, you walk off into your bedroom to get your clothes and then into the bathroom in the hall. Though you hesitated to let him stay, it’s really not a big deal now that you think of it. He’s stayed over more times than you can count so you feel no need to punish him by saying no.

Baby steps. 

Jungkook falls into the couch, relieved and anxious—but mostly relieved. He was sure you were going to throw him out. When he hears the shower turn on, he begins to wonder what you might be thinking about, do you want him the way he wants you right now? If so, you’re hiding it pretty well. Just being in your home makes him feel comfortable and happy, that and your presence. You’ll be a while in the shower so he figures a few moments of relaxation on the balcony won’t hurt. 

*

When you step out of the steamy bathroom, you hug your robe tightly to your body. Curious to see what he’s doing you peek out of the hall and see him on the balcony, shirt nowhere to be seen and smoke wafting from the little stick in his finger. Jungkook has always been a temptation, a forbidden fruit so to speak. You had one bite, and that’s all it took. 

It’s a warm night, that’s probably why he’s showing all of the neighbors his tattooed glory, you giggle to your self at the thought. You run to your room to slip a t-shirt and shorts on so you can join him, you can indulge him in conversation at least.

“Hey, I was going to get a snack,” You open the sliding door and he looks back at you as he exhales a a cloud, “are you hungry?”

“I’m okay,” He puts it out in the ashtray, “thanks,” 

“You didn’t have to put it out for me,” You step onto the patio and close the door behind you.

“I was done anyway,” He says that but he clearly wasn’t, he’s just being sweet, “how was your shower?”

“Good,” You sit beside him, “you can go ahead and shower if you want to, you know where your clothes are.”

“I will in a minute,” He looks out, enjoying the view of the city, “it’s beautiful out here...”

“Yeah,” You smile, reminiscing on the many moments you two have shared together on the balcony.

“So,” Jungkook sighs, probably reminiscing on the same thing, “do you want to do that exercise?...”

“Exercise?- Oh, the eye-contact thing, we can...” You turn to him and he does the same, “so, do we-”

“Shh,” He holds a finger to his lips, “we’re not supposed to talk,” 

You swallow, eyes locked on his and his on yours. His eyes are so dreamy and mesmerizing, they always have been. This eye-contact is giving you a great excuse to analyze his face. The little mole under his lip, his cute nose and cheeks—you’re trying not to look at his body but it’s hard to do that right now. 

He’s doing the same thing to you. Your eyes, nose, lips, he’s just taking it all in as if your a sculpture at a museum. Looking at each other like this reminds you both to see each other, to really see the human you both decided to love.

“Jungkook,” You know you’re not supposed to talk, “don’t cry...” You thumb the tears away from his cheeks, your motherly habits kicking in.

“Shit,” He wipes his cheeks, “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” He’s so emotional, it’s more endearing than anything.

You cup his jaw and kiss the apple of his cheek, then his lips. His hands are almost shaky when he reaches up to hold your face, you lead his hand to your face to let him know that you don’t mind.

“I love you too,” You breath, your head in the nape of his neck, “but I can’t do this, I shouldn’t...”

Once you realize you’re no longer in your own chair but in his, it’s too late to pretend you’re not equally as desperate. It escalates and the best and worst happens. 

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Reiji Dark [Prologue]

ー The scene starts in the underground waterway

Yui: ( I’m sure Reiji-san will be upset with me if I follow after him. But even so, I... )

Uu...

ー She pushes open the portal

*Creaaaak*

*THUD*

ー The scene shifts to the forest in the Demon World

Yui: ーー I’m here...

( This is the Demon World...It’s as dark as ever. Even more so right now, with the lunar eclipse still ongoing... )

( Oh no. I don’t know the way...It’s pitch-black, I can barely see a thing. )

( Which direction should I go? )

( I want to meet up with Reiji-san as soon as I can... )

*HOOOOOOWL*

Yui: ...!!

( The howling of wolves...Don’t tell me, they’re nearby? )

( Those wolves which attacked Ayato-kun... )

ー A flashback ensues

Yui: Ayato-kun!!!!

Ayato: Fuck…That hurt! The fuck’s your problem!!?

ー The wolf continues its assault

Ayato: Guh…Chichinashi, don’t you dare move from underneath me…!!

Yui: B-But…!

Ayato: Shut up…Guah…!!

*RIIIIIIP*

Ayato: …Guh…Uu…!!

ー The flashback ends

Yui: Ugh...

( Oh no...I remembered, and now my body won’t stop shaking. )

( Perhaps I made a mistake by coming here all by myself... )

*HOOOOOOWL*

Yui: ...! Again...

( Also, I feel like they’ve gotten closer than before... )

( Either way, staying here is dangerous. I should look for a place to hide. )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to inside the abandoned building

Yui: ーー There’s a house all the way out here...

( The building seems to be quite old and there doesn’t appear to be anyone living here right now... )

( Perfect. I’ll use this as my hiding spot. )

*Rustle*

Yui: ...Phew.

( I finally got to catch my breath... )

( However, I can’t stay here forever. Perhaps it isn’t too late to turn back after all... )

*Thud*

Yui: ...!!

( I heard a noise coming from outside right now...Don’t tell me, there’s someone here? )

( What should I do? Where can I hide...? )

( Ah! I can hide behind those curtains! )

ー Yui moves behind the curtains

??? 1: The noise was coming from here, right?

??? 2: Yes. I am positive.

??? 1: ...You’re right, it definitely reeks of something in here. Oi, search the room.

??? 2: Yes, sir!

Yui: ( ...Who could those guys be? Are they perhaps Vampires...? )

( Oh no. Who knows what they’ll do to me if they find me. )

( Please, don’t let them check here...! )

??? 2: ーー There doesn’t seem to be anyone around. Should we turn back?

??? 1: Hm...

Yui: ( Thank god. Seems like they’re leaving already. If I just stay hidden like this, I should be able to go unnoticed somehow... )

??? 1: ...?

??? 2: Is something the matter?

ー He opens the curtains

Yui: ...!!!

??? 1: So this is where you’ve been hiding. Hah, how naive.

*Rustle*

Yui: Ow! No, let me go...!

??? 1: A woman, huh? And a human, on top of that. Where did you come from?

Yui: F-From the human world...

??? 1: Why did you come here? Did you come with a specific reason in mind? Or perhapsーー

...Hm?

Yui: Eh...?

??? 1: What is this scent? For a human, it’s somewhat...

Oi, woman! Are you truly a human?

Yui: I am...

??? 1: Suspicious. Seems like we need to investigate you more thoroughly.

ーー Oi, take this woman to our castle.

??? 2: Roger!

Yui: No way...! Stop, please! I have somewhere I need to go immediately, so...!

??? 1: Keep quiet and follow us!

*Rustle*

Yui: Kyah...!

( At this rate, I’ll get taken with them...However, I’m no match for these people... )

( No...I’m scared...Save me, Reiji-san...! )

???: May I ask what you are going to do with her?

Yui: Eh...?

Reiji-san...!!

( This is the real one, right? I didn’t think he’d actually come for me...! )

??? 1: ...! You are Karlheinz-sama’s...

Reiji: Long time no see, Zweig-sama. I suppose it must have been since the last evening party.

Yui: ( Reiji-san knows this person...? )

Reiji: By the way, would you kindly let go of the lady?

Zweig: My sincere apologies! I was unaware of the fact that she is your prey...

Reiji: No. She is my lover.

Yui: Eh...?

( He said that like it was nothing... )

( But I’m happy. He’s willing to refer to me as his lover in front of others. )

Zweig: ...I see. In that case, I should return her to you.

Reiji: Thank you very much.

Zweig: However, what was she doing here?

This is the Demon World and on top of that, the lunar eclipse is still ongoing. It is extremely dangerous for a human woman to be wandering around the woods by herself.

Reiji: You are absolutely correct. This was a blunder on my part. ...I am extremely ashamed.

Zweig: No, I was not blaming you or anything...

Well, let us move on from that. In the end, nothing happened after all.

Reiji: Once again, my sincere apologies.

Well then, we shall take our leave now. ーー We are leaving, Yui.

Yui: Y-Yes.

ー The scene shifts back to the forest

Yui: ーー I’m so sorry, Reiji-san. I caused you trouble.

Reiji: Is that all? Nothing else you should say?

Yui: Well...I acted recklessly despite my promise to remain in the human world...

Reiji: My thoughts exactly. Good grief...I was right sending a Familiar down there to check just in case.

Who knows what could have happened if I arrived just mere seconds later.

Yui: ( He’s upset... )

( Of course he is. I caused him trouble because of my own selfish acts. )

Reiji: I doubt you are aware, but those men were part of the Snake Clan, also known as Vibora.

Yui: Snake...? So they’re not Vampires?

Reiji: Yes. However, that does not make them any less dangerous. After all, they are highly territorial.

They were patrolling around the abandoned building to keep an eye on possible intruders wishing to enter their territory which lies just past that area...

If one were to set foot inside their territory, not even a fellow Demon would make it through unscathed.

You were truly playing with fire.

Yui: ( I see... )

I really am sorry...

Reiji: Haah...Well, I suppose I can let it slide. Nothing happened this time after all.

Please use this as a lesson and refrain from being so reckless in the future.

Yui: ( Huh? He only scolded me. In the past, I would have received a severe punishment... )

Reiji: What is the matter? Making such an odd expression.

Yui: Uhm, I was just thinking you’ve kind of changed.

Reiji: Why would you say that all of a sudden...?

However, if I have truly changed, then that would be...because of you.

Yui: Eh?

Reiji: Well then, let us head home.

ー He offers his hand

*Rustle*

On certain CGs, little black roses will appear on the screen. If you click on them, you get an extra line of dialogue.

“Look at those flushed cheeks...Seems like my lover is quite the shy one per usual. Although that is part of what makes you so adorable.”

“You honestly are hopeless without me. I suppose I would be able to rest at ease if you were constantly connected to me like this.”

Yui: Ah...

( He grabbed hold of my hand... )

( His hand is so big...His fingers are long too, it really feels like a man’s hand. )

( I wonder why? This isn’t the first time he has touched me, but my heartbeat’s going crazy... )

Reiji: Why do you avert your gaze?

Yui: I-It’s nothing...

Reiji: I shall not allow you to keep any secrets from me. Answer me, Yui.

Yui: Well...I feel somewhat embarrassed...

Reiji: Embarrassed?

Heh. Why are you still flustered over this? We are lovers. Therefore, it is only normal for us to hold hands.

Or would you perhaps prefer another method?

Yui: Another method...?

Reiji: I will tell you if you so wish...But when I do, I assume your cheeks may turn an even brighter shade of red.

Yui: Uu...

Reiji: Fufu...You truly are a straightforward person.

Yui: ( ...I wonder if he’s teasing me? )

( However, even that makes me happy. )

( His voice is so gentle, therefore I can tell that he cares for meーー )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the entrance of the Sakamaki castle

Reiji: Well then, we have arrived.

You are dirty, so you should take a shower first.

Yui: Yes. Uhm...Is Ayato-kun alright? If possible, I’d like to see him...

Reiji: Ayato has yet to regain consciousness. There is nothing you can do even if you go see him.

Yui: I see...

( Vampires usually have a speedy recovery. Yet, he still hasn’t woken up... )

( I wonder if he’ll be okay...? )

Reiji: ...Well, would you like to go take a quick look?

Yui: Eh? I can?

Reiji: It is written all over your face that you are worried sick.

I doubt you can relax and take a shower in your current state.

Yui: Thank you very much!

ー The scene shifts to one of the bedrooms

Yui: ...

Ayato: ...

Yui: ( He really won’t even budge. ) 

( I don’t want to think this way, but it’s almost as if he’s dead... )

Reiji-san, how’s his condition...?

Reiji: The wound on his left arm is the only physical injury. It is recovering quite well, but to this day, he has not shown any signs of awakening.

He might have hit his head hard on something.

However, I am not a medical specialist, so I cannot say for sure...

Yui: I see...

Uhm, do doctors not exist here in the Demon World?

Reiji: I believe I have mentioned this in the past as well, but the profession of ‘doctor’ does not exist here.

Aah, however...

Yui: Does something come to mind?

Reiji: Yes. There is one thing.

Father’s pharmaceutical department. If we go there, they could examine Ayato’s symptoms.

Yui: Really?

Reiji: Yes.

Well then, we have been here long enough, no? Let us leave.

I doubt you can relax in those dirty clothes.

Yui: Ah, just a little longer...Ayato-kun has some sweat on his forehead, so I’d like to wipe it off.

Reiji: I shall do that.

Yui: But...

Reiji: ...You are rather dense.

Yui: Eh? What do you mean?

Reiji: You wish to remain by Ayato’s side that badly? More so than spending time with me?

Yui: Eh...?

( Don’t tell me, is Reiji-san jealous...? )

ー Reiji steps closer

Reiji: Good grief. To think you would make me go this far...I assume you are prepared to get punished?

Yui: N-No way...I was simply worried about Ayato-kun, that’s all...

Reiji: Are we talking back now? In that case, I assume those defiant lips should be first to receive a penalty.

Nn...

*Smooch*

Yui: ...

Y-You can’t...Reiji-san...Ayato-kun’s right there...

Reiji: He cannot tell since he is asleep. Come on, keep still.

Nn...Haah...

Yui: ( They’re only light kisses, yet it’s making my head spin... )

( At this rate, I’ll... )

Reiji: Fufu...You look as if you are about to melt any second now. It would be troublesome if you were to collapse on me as well, so I will leave the follow-up for some other time.

ー Reiji walks away

Yui: ( Geez, Reiji-san...! )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

<- [ Sakamaki Prologue ] [ Dark 01 ] ->

[rileymustdie]

So yk how hawks lost his wings yeah so hm what if it was a different story and the reader was a healer and brought his wings back BUT it hurts her in the process that’s my request if u can do it :)

UGH YOUR MIND

•angst, death, manga spoilers

•you both were a very good match. you both got along together, plus the fact that you were a healer and he was a pro hero that was constantly in fights, yeah he adored you.

• when he would come home all bruised and cut up, you would heal him. it only caused you a small headache, plus you had a happy and snuggly boyfriend after, what could be the problem?

•you never told him that if you overuse your quirk, it hurts you. you didn’t want him to start ignoring his injuries just because he didn’t want to hurt you. the headaches weren’t that bad anyways.

•that is until he loses his wings. the doctors said there was little to no chance of them coming back he was so upset about it and you knew you had to do something. so, you offered to attempt to heal them. his eyes lit up at the offer and so you sat behind him on the bed, trying your best to focus your power on him. now you have a massive headache and nothing even happened. you tell him “maybe it just takes time?” he goes back to sleep, upset. he knows it’s not really your fault and he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up but the thought of having his wings back made him so happy.

•the next day you wake him up and ask if you can try again. you hate seeing him so upset, might as well take a few ibuprofen and get over it. he says yes so you try again, nothing happens. you lean your head on his back with a sigh. “sorry birdie, nothing happened”. he nods and you help him get up to go make breakfast.

•he notices while you were cooking that your eyebrows were furrowed and you looked a bit dizzy. he decides it’s just that you were tired. you go about the rest of your day like normal. hawks calls as many doctors as he can find to see if they can do something about his wings while you work on some household chores. you go to bed, still with the headache

•you continue trying for about a week with no results. finally, you begin to see two small bumps on his back. you tell him and he runs (stumbling a little bit) to the bathroom to see for himself. his face lights up and he picks you up and spins you around, thanking you. you stumble a bit when he puts you down. surely he didn’t put you down that hard, did he? he asks you if something is wrong, but you just brush him off and ask to go cuddle on the couch with a reassuring smile. he guesses he just put you down too hard and you both fall asleep on the couch.

•over the next month, you put more and more power into healing him. for every feather that appears on his back, another dark circle or bruise appears on you. he’s starting to get worried now, but you continue to act like you’re fine and blame it on low iron or just lack of sleep. he listens to you and you continue to heal him, but he keeps his worries in the back of his mind.

• after a few more weeks, he suggests that you should take a break from healing him. his wings are still small and not ready for actual flight, but it’s a large improvement from nothing. you tell him that you’re fine and that you need to keep healing him so he can go back to being a hero. he still tells you no, that he wants to wait until you’re feeling better. (keep in mind that you still haven’t told him that it’s hurting you) you agree with him and you go to bed that night.

•little did he know, you still healed him while he slept. of course not enough to where it would be noticeable the next morning, but you still wanted to help him.

•he started to notice that you hadn’t started to look any better over the past few weeks, and feeling so awful all the time took a toll on you too. every time you looked in the mirror, you saw the dark circles and bruises. how much weight you had lost. you looked deathly, compared to hawks. he was so bright, his muscles back to where they were originally, his hair so smooth. you felt like you should start listening to him and stop trying to heal him, until you heard him on the phone with the commission. “yeah! my partner has been healing me and my wings are coming back! i might even be able to go back to work soon!” oh no. he was no where near ready to go back, you had to work harder.

• you still continue to heal him little by little. you can no longer stand to look in the mirror or make eye contact with hawks for too long. one night before bed he’s holding you, and you start crying into his shoulder. he asks you what’s wrong, and you start explaining. you tell him how you’ve been healing him all this time, how insecure you’ve been, how sick you feel, how much you want to see him happy. you “forgot” to mention what your quirk does to you. he tries his best to comfort you and makes you promise to take a break.

•you decide to listen to him and you start to look a little better over the next few weeks. but unbeknownst to you or him, you’ve already caused permanent damage to yourself.

(also for plot reasons,, we’re going to act like hawks wouldn’t immediately take you to a doctor)

•you tell him that since you’re feeling better, you can start on healing him again. at first he shoots you down, saying that your health is more important to him than going back to work. but then he sees the look in your eyes, how you genuinely want to help him. “fine.” he says with a sigh, “once a week, but if you start feeling worse you have to tell me. deal?” “deal.”

•so, that next week you start again, and immediately you’re back to where you were. you know you should tell him, but he just looks so happy when he sees his wings growing. he only needs a few more weeks of healing and he should be able to fly again. you just have to hold on until then.

•one day, while he’s out getting groceries for the two of you, you start to feel more lightheaded than usual. you remember your phone on the couch and try to get over there to call keigo. you get to his contact, then the room goes dark. he comes home to you passed out on the couch, for a second he assumes you’re taking a nap and smiles down at you warmly. it’s only until he’s halfway through telling you about the new foods he got for the both of you to try that something was wrong. he walked over there and saw your phone was opened to his contact. he sat down next to you and asked if you were alright. no reply. he started to panic and picked you up, no response. you had a pulse going, a slow one. (a/n: i literally don’t know anything medical so i’m making this up and hoping it’s right) he immediately calls an ambulance, tears streaming down his face. “no, baby please don’t do this to me. i’m sorry, i’m so sorry. i should have payed attention more. please just be okay.” after about a minute of him sobbing into your shoulder, you start to wake up. your eyes barely open with a soft smile. he looks at you and hold you tight “what’s going on, what happened?” you give him a pained look as you start feeling numb. “i’m sorry keigo, i should have told you.” “tell me? tell me what? i don’t know what’s going on, i just walked in and you were passed out” he starts rambling, you use your last bit of strength to kiss him one last time. “you’re going to be a great hero keigo. i love you.” he stares while he processes what you said. “no, no please. don’t leave me. please there’s got to be something.” he grabs your wrist and checks for a pulse, vision blurry and shaking. nothing, you’re cold. he felt his breathing stop, his brain stopped working. the person he fell in love with so long ago, the person he spent long nights awake with talking about anything and everything, the person who greeted him with a warm and loving smile and dinner after a long day of patrol, the person who saw him at his weakest and brought him back up little by little, gone and never to return. he opened up his phone to do something, anything and there you were. the picture you had taken that day he brought you flying. your beautiful smile and that red shirt he got you for your birthday. he remembered how you said it looked so pretty next to his wings, he responded with “well, you look so pretty next to my wings” a silly response, yes, but it made you laugh and you kissed him on the cheek. he looked back at where you currently lay, grey and bony, no life left in you. all because of him. the ambulance finally arrived and they had to pry him off you. he finally got himself to stop crying so he could talk to them, but as soon as he saw them carrying you in the bag, his facade vanished and the tears started flowing again. that night on his way to bed, he saw the indentation on the bed of where you laid just that morning. he made his way to the couch, only to see your phone still on the coffee table. he started sobbing again, and fell asleep on the floor.

(tw: mentions of alcohol and suicide)

•your funeral was the next week, he went back to work the day after. he needed something to take his mind off you. he worked long hours, not caring how much his fragile and much smaller wings ached and how they could barely carry his weight. on his way home, he picked up the strongest alcohol he could get. he downed bottle after bottle and at one point, if he squinted hard enough, he could still see your sillouette.

• a month went by, he was miserable. some intern at his agency said “well, at least they died helping you. you can just get a different healer to finish the job, right?” he smacked the guy and retired then and there. he felt too much guilt, it was his fault you’re gone. just because he was too stupid to notice how bad you were getting. he stopped by your grave on his way home that night, the grass hadn’t even grown over the top. he looked at your name on the headstone. “heh, we didn’t even get to have the same last name yet. yknow, i had the ring in the drawer by the bed.” he looks down at the ground. “i know you worked so hard to fix my wings but, i hope you don’t mind too much if i joined you.” with that, he adds the roses to the growing pile of ones he brought before and heads home. the news the next morning read the title “Pro hero Hawks found dead after sudden retirement” He was with you again.

———————

okay okay i didn’t mean for this to be so long and so sad but here we are,, if you have any suggestions on how to edit it plz lmk! asks and requests are open and feedback would be appreciated! :)

[pizadowa]

generally a lil nervous to ask, buuut, since I’ve seen a few people chat about how Ivy/the sibs would take care of Carmen when she gets sick, but how would Carmen take care of Ivy if she got sick? I curious to see your take on this 👀 (Carmivy intended?)

oh anon don’t be nervous or shy, this is a very benign ask and I like to think I'm not intimidating 😢..😭

but anywhoooo ... I actually have thought about this before, so I felt like whipping up a quick Ivy POV ficlet rather than strictly talk about Carmen ... :)

-- --

Unlike Zack’s sensitive chemical makeup, Ivy's immune system is built like a supercharged ox, and when it comes to sickness she has vastly more experience being other people’s—namely Zack’s—begrudging caretaker than catching anything herself. 

In the nearly three years she’s traveled the world with Team Red, she can count on less than one hand the times she’s fallen ill, and each instance hardly interfered with their capers, not to mention her self-prescribed medicine of “toughing-it-out” has gotten her through even the roughest days. She's not exactly a fan of admitting defeat to a cold, nor being so useless that someone would need to take care of her, especially when that someone is almost always Zack. His questionable understanding of the human body means he's less adept at relieving any real symptoms and more so at keeping her company enough to distract her frazzled, sickly mind. It's not ideal, but it’s the only thing she knows, and it’s better than getting Carmen involved; Ivy would rather their getaway driver catch her sickness than their very important team leader.

So when she wakes up one day in their new HQ to immobilizing muscle pain, a presumably contagious case of the sniffles, and a very concerned Carmen seated at her bedside instead of Zack, she’s more than a little bit freaking out.

“Wh… Carm?” Ivy submerges part of her face under the covers, fearful of spreading her mystery contagion despite their distance. For extra good measure she directs her head away to her night table, taking note of a glass of water and tissues that definitely weren’t there before. “How long have you…?”

Carmen brings one leg onto the bed and curls her palms around it as she speaks, “Not too long. I was actually just wrapping up some sets when Zack ran in screaming like a banshee about you. It’s amazing that didn’t wake you up.”

Ivy’s vision focuses out of its watery haze enough to comprehend Carmen’s tight athletic wear and exposed skin that’s somehow less sweaty than her own. A cold-hot chill sends her into shivers. 

“I’m pretty sure that was the demon in my fever dream." She cringes at the sound of her own nasally voice wreaking havoc on her aching head. "Where is he, anyway?”

“I sent him out to the store and had Shadowsan tag along to make sure he doesn’t go overboard with the anecdotal home remedies.”

The imagery has Ivy falling into laughter that quickly becomes a strained coughing fit beneath her thick blanket. Carmen noticeably teeters away, which only adds to the discomfort in her chest.

“Ugh, sorry for the gross sound effects.”

“Don’t be. I had a feeling you wouldn’t be doing too hot in the morning. You were hardly eating and going to bed earlier than Shadowsan.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yeah. So, all-in-all, I was expecting this.”

“Double ugh.” She buries herself within the bed until the only thing she can see is threaded darkness. The weight by her legs shifts closer, and then there’s a gentle hand on her blanketed bicep. It’s warm even through the fabric.

“Hey, don’t sweat it. Actually, I guess do sweat it if you have a fever. Do you have a fever?”

Ivy’s about to answer when the blanket peels back and the hand that was on her arm presses firmly to her forehead. She blinks past the slender forearm in her view and over to Carmen’s determined face leaning closer with each passing second. For a moment their intense eyes cross paths, lock on to each other before softening completely, and Ivy is overcome with an urge to hold on. To what, she doesn’t know, but one of her hands takes the initiative and reaches up to Carmen’s wrist—which pulls away just as her fingernails make contact with smooth skin.

“You feel warm, but it’s hard to say,” Carmen contemplates aloud and returns to her previous spot on the bed. “We’ll need that thermometer once Zack and Shadowsan are back, but in the meantime, I’m here. Whatever you need.”

Ivy struggles to push a scratchy lump down her throat as she shoves her hand back under the covers. 

She's not used to this. Unless it’s Zack—who’s almost too obliging for his own good—she avoids asking for help as much as possible. She prefers to handle most things perfectly well on her own, and she’s since learned her hard lesson of what happens when you owe a debt to others. The very thought of burdening Carmen with something as dumb as a little cold sets her nerves even more haywire. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” she grumbles weakly.

Carmen shoots her a look like she's just said a profane insult. "I shouldn't?"

"Yeah, I'm all sick and stuff. Wouldn't you prefer to be...not...sick and stuff?"

"Checking your temperature is nothing. And besides, you were probably contagious days ago. If I got it, I got it.” Ivy’s face contorts into a sarcastic pout, but Carmen preemptively interrupts her griping with a raised hand. “I’m just saying it takes a bit more than that to knock me down, and if I’m fine now, I might as well help out. Seriously, I think I get sick even less than you do."

Ivy pauses to consider it, only able to recall taking care of a Carmen who has been downed by injuries and overexertion, not acute illnesses. Not even a little upset stomach from too much delicious food like she and Zack—though mostly Zack—are wont to do.

"Still, I don't wanna risk it." Ivy shuffles on her back to the farther side of the bed. "I appreciate your concern, Carm, I really do, but I'll be fine. Just send Zack in here once he's back."

"Oh." Carmen frowns at her in a way Ivy’s never received before, and for an intense split second she feels a strange pang of guilt. "Sure, but...this is the same Zack who thought the best remedy for altitude sickness was sticking a fan at the front of the tent to magically blow in more oxygen?"

"Uh—" 

"And who once drank a phony herbal miracle cure from downtown that made even his worst food poisoning look like a work of art?"

"Ew-uh, gross!" Ivy scrunches up her entire face, only relaxing it once she sees lightning behind her eyelids. "Okay, okay, I get it. You really don't want Zack taking care of me."

"It's not just that."

With great effort Ivy sits up out of her cocoon for the first time that morning. "What'd'ya mean?"

Carmen twists her torso completely toward Ivy. "You guys are always looking out for me when I'm down for the count. And you, you've been the only one taking care of Zack for how long?" 

Ivy offers a small chuckle of understanding. “Too long.”

"Exactly. So the least I could do is return the favor and pamper you for once. I may not be a doctor but I do cook a mean sopa de mondongo, and that's always helped me when I was sick on the isle."

"I don't even know what that is and I feel better already."

"Wait ‘til you actually try it. Funny enough we actually have all the ingredients, but not the basics for treating a nasty cold, go figure."

"Food is the priority around here."

Carmen snatches a glass of water from Ivy's night table and extends it over the bed to her. "Finish this, I'll go get started on the soup. The guys should be back soon with some medicine. Think you can hold out just a bit longer?"

Ivy takes the glass in her hands and peers down at its fullness with a warmth in her chest that crawls up her neck. “Yeah, yeah I think I can do that.”

"Good."

“Oh, and...I’m really happy it’s you here right now. Like, really really happy.” Ivy pauses. “Don’t tell Zack I said that.”

She peers up from her watery reflection to see Carmen beaming at her in silent affirmation, and she does her best to offer the same expression. She takes a few slow sips of her lukewarm drink, fully expecting Carmen to have left by now, but instead the other girl shifts closer on the bed. Closer into Ivy’s space.

"You know,” Carmen starts, her voice husked low despite not needing to, and Ivy can feel her heart beating across every inch of her body, “I'm told I give amazing massages, in case those muscle aches become too much trouble for you.”

She trails her hand along Ivy's covered thigh before lightly squeezing down her ankle, and the peculiar sensations have Ivy frozen with nothing else to do but gawk at her. She offers an unreadable smirk with lidded eyes that cast her mind further into delirium, and walks out of the room without another word.

When she’s fully registered that she’s alone again, Ivy wolfs down the rest of her water, barely managing to fend off a spell of wheezes, and quickly discards the glass to the empty sheets next to her. With a buzzing in her cranium that ripples throughout her entire body, she flings herself down to her pillows to smother her overheated cheeks with a shaky sigh.

"I should get sick more often."

[mr-walkingrainbow]

imma slide in your asks, i would like limited mobility for abimel :)

“Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“Wanna watch something?”

“No.”

“A board game?”

“WHO in their right mind VOLUNTARILY plays board games?!”

Abigael sighed, although annoying, her girlfriend had a point.

However, their wasn’t much she could offer currently to to Mels situation.

To be frank, somehow a trip to the doctor to get Maggie’s flu shot ended up with Mel having a broken ankle.

Apparently, when confronted with needles, shorty spice either feinted like a sack of potatoes, or transformed into a higher being of savagery and desperation.

Macy had informed her that this time it had been both.

She wasn’t even going to ask how that was physically possible.

Unfortunately, Mel now was on strict bed rest, and her normal ADHD tunnel vision girlfriend, was ridden to a grumpy miserable couch potato.

“Come on,” Abby cajoled in her British accent, “I bet theirs something we can do to make you feel better?”

Mel got a sneaky look in her eyes, hand snaking up Abbys head and giving a quick teasing tug to her locks.

Bloody hell.

Abigael bit her lip, hand grasping Mels remaining one violently. Ignoring the near desperate urge to moan and fall into her girlfriends wonderful arms, she took a long shuddering breath.

“N-no Melanie. N-not that. You can’t do anything involving much movement besides go to the loo.”

Mels smile immediately turned to a scowl once again, which gave Abby the time to regroup. Hand fluttering upwards to touch the area she had tugged.

Damn Melanie and her knowledge of her weakest points. It made scenarios like this exceptionally hard.

“Besides that, what else can you think of that would lift your spirits?”

“I don’t know!” The Latina crankily exclaimed, “You tell me! Your my girlfriend you should know these things!”

Abby raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow, “Now I will excuse that comment because your grumpy and your in pain. But if your going to be a grump about it, I will quickly just as leave.”

Mel relaxed slightly, frowing, “Sorry Cariño, I’m just so miserable!”

“I understand the feeling love,” she smiled soothingly, “But we’ll figure something out!”

She took a scrutinizing eye to the witch, studying her every move. Mel was obviously more clingy then usual, never letting go of Abigaels hand once while she sat perched on the edge of the couch.

It gave her an idea.

“I know how to turn that frown upside down!”

The laters eyebrows furrowed, “How?”

“AGQS!”

“Scuzi?”

Abby laughed slightly at her girlfriends shortened version of ‘excuse me’,

“AGQS, aka A good quality snuggle! Theirs nothing like it! A real mood changer.”

Mel seemed to ponder this, “Well Im not saying no?”

“Snuggles it is!”

She then proceeded to wedge herself in the space between Mel and the couch, being extra careful not to jostle the injured ankle in the process.

“Their!” She cooed softly, her head resting on the laters shoulder, “Do you feel a bit better now?”

Mel sighed contently, “Ai! Mi querida, you always know how to make me feel better.”

“Good! Now, we can find some Halloween movies on the box because Halloween movies are superior to anything.”

The Latina smiled, soon breaking into a frown and wailing.

“B-but were out of popcornnnnn!”

Deary me, Abigael might have misjudged how emotional Mel currently was.

“Don’t worry Atlantis, I’ll get you some popcorn.” She assured.

The fat tears soon rolled down the lesbians face, something Abby had assumed would happen eventually. Whenever her girlfriend was sick or hurt, her emotions would go all over the place and all rational thinking was out the door. And that would lead to tears of hysteria.

Something Abby was still struggling to figure out.

“What is it?” She questioned worriedly, “What’s wrong? Does your ankle hurt? Do you need more painkillers? Are you hungry? What’s wrong Melanie?!”

“I-I don’t w-want you to Le-eave!” Mel cried, arms flailing uselessly.

“Hey, hey! It’s ok,” Abigael placated, it was both endearing and grating how unpredictable Mel became when hurt, “I won’t leave ok? I’ll stay right here.”

The Latina looked at her with glassy eyes, “B-but who will get the popcorn?”

GRAGGH! Abby fought the urge to scream, instead taking a deep breath and returning the gaze with love and care.

“I’ll ring up Jordy. He’d gladly do anything for you Mel.”

“You too!” Her girlfriend exclaimed.

“Huh?”

The witch looked at her sadly, “He’d do it for you too!”

“That’s lovely of you to say,” Abby grinned fondly, “But Jordy doesn’t hold me to that standard”.

To her chagrin, the laters eyes filled up with even more tears, prompt bursting into loud sobs.

“Oh god! Mel what is it?”

She sat up in a panic, checking Mels ankle to see if it had shifted any way. To her knowledge everything looked the same.

She looked back at her girlfriend desperately, “Mel I don’t know why your so upset? Please tell me?”

“B-because y-you don’t t-think your good en-nough for f-friendship!” Mel choked out between sobs.

“What?! Why would you think that?”

“Because y-you don’t think j-jordys your friend!”

“Ugh! Fine! Bloody hell Mel, me and Jordy are the bestest besties in all the besties in the world? Satisfied?!”

Her girlfriend flashed her a teary smile, “Very.”

With another groan and something muttered under her breath, Abigael rang up her ‘Bestie’ saying it was a popcorn emergency and if Jordan didn’t get their in the next five minutes, he was gonna have two angry witch’s at his door.

“Hey, Abby?” Jordan’s voice crackled through the phone.

She paused, unsure of wether to answer.

“I just wanted to say it’s good to hear from you.” He stated, “We should meet up sometime, and try and get through an actual convo without any of us getting into some Magical based trouble.”

“I’d like that.” The hybrid answered softly. Immediately shutting off her phone afterwards.

It was hard for her to let her walls down, to allow people inside. To even consider the possibility that someone cared for her.

But aside from Melanie, Jordy had been that one other person who’d managed to evade all her carefully laid traps and walls.

So she guess, in this case, she at least owed him a friendly conversation.

Her attention turned back to her already wailing girlfriend, who was literally clawing at her clothes to get her back on the couch with her.

“Alright already, geez,” she cursed silently, “Watch the clothes Melanie. You know I’d be livid if you ripped anything.”

The clawing stopped, but the Latina got a cheesy smile on her face.

“Nooo you won’t!”

Abby blushed, eyebrows crinkling, “Whatever do you mean?”

“You loooove me,” the lesbian cheered, “You loooove me and caaaare for me and wanna kiiiiss me and-“

-“God your childish when your in pain!”

Mel pouted slightly, sticking her lower lip out.

Bloody hell.

Mel knows she can’t say no to her puppy dog eyes.

Abigael rolled her eyes fondly, head coming to a rest back on Mels chest.

“Oh all right. I love you. But if you tell anyone I’ll roast your head on a spit. I have a reputation to uphold.”

The witch grinned like a maniac, “Your secrets safe with me.”

[dingoat]

[I mulled over a few possible options for this one, heh, but after some chatter with @cinlat I realised I could mush some of my ancient Ahuska backstory with half baked future plans with vague species lore/headcanons and string it along into something roughly story-shaped. The whole thing wound up a lot more somber than I’d anticipated, but at least I can always count on Crow to soften the mood!] ---

For the better part of three weeks, she’d been dwelling. What had started out as the most unexpected news conceivable had led to a flurry of unanswerable questions; was the news welcome? Was she excited? Did she care? Did she want anything to do with it? But that had all rapidly died down into a sullen simmering of nerves, as Ahuska struggled with something she genuinely never thought she’d have to face.

She had a family. She’d been raised well, and loved, as far back as she could properly remember. Did she really want to go back further, did she need to know anything about where she’d come from? The thought of being connected to Bothawui in any way made her feel ill, but Crow had gently reminded her, over and over, that this changed nothing.

She was Mando’ad, where family is built on more than bloodline, and having surviving relatives from a life she couldn’t even recall changed nothing.

Having a twin brother changed nothing.

Except that it clearly meant something to… him. And the older one. Two brothers, with families of their own, who’d reached out to find the sister they’d thought they’d lost with their parents. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know them, but…

“Crow?” Ahuska tapped his arm with a single hesitant finger, but he’d already turned to seek her out. They were more in tune with one another than ever.

“Mmm?”

“I think I… I want you to meet my family,” she mumbled, eyes slipping to the side.

Crow grinned his softer grin. “Ahhh, I think we’ve already been through that part of the relationship. Was a couple years ago now, at least?”

She felt her ears grow warm, but her eyes turned back to him. “With me, I mean. I want you to come with me to… meet the family I haven’t met yet. I don’t know if I even want to call them that yet, I guess, I doubt they’ll want to either once they’ve met me…”

“Oh, psshh,” Crow made to wave away her worry with a flick of his hand. “You said the whole reason they found out you existed was from holos of the business down at the Ve’lora place, right? Not like they haven’t already got some sort of clue about the life you live, and they still reached out.”

“It already feels so weird, though. They’ve known about me… all their lives. They… knew me, a-and mourned me? They missed me, and I’ve just never known… it’s like they’re strangers, who call me a sister. It’s fethin’ weird.”

“I know, I know. And if they’ve got half a brain between them they’ll realise that too. All you gotta do is meet them, say hi to them and their… uh, heh. Hey. What are baby bothans called, anyway?”

“Huh? What, I… I don’t think he told me any of their names, I don’t even know how many kids he said they each had…”

“What? No, I meant like… y’know. Do you call them… uhhh, like how little cathar are kits, and…”

Every one of Ahuska’s nerves abruptly vanished, and the series of blinks followed by a hard stare made Crow immediately realise he’d made one of those mistakes.

“Sorry, sorry, I just figured…”

“Babies,” Ahuska said, her tone completely flat. “Baby bothans are babies. Not cubs, not fawns, not kits…” her snout wrinkled a little at that.

Crow’s manner was meek, but the way he squinted at her made it clear he was still trying to work out where exactly the problem lay. “Okay but… don’t… wouldn’t there be some word you use for them…?”

“What, like ik’aad?”

“Yeah, exactly!” Crow brightened as Ahuska offered the comparison, then immediately ducked his head as her expression grew harder still.

“Like ik’aad. The Mando’a word that literally translates to ‘baby’?”

Crow’s grin wavered, sensing a trap. “Ye-es…?”

“Not likaya? Not pe’ninr?” Ahuska continued to watch Crow carefully as she offered the Mando’a for kitten and puppy.

“Well. No. Of course-”

“Of course not!” Ahuska snapped over the top of him, with an emphatic gesture of both hands to drive her point. “Likaya literally means baby cat. Not baby person. Not baby human, or bothan, or even cathar, it’s the word you use for a little cute wobbly baby animal that meows before it opens its eyes. You wouldn’t call some random Mando kid likaya if we were talking in Mando’a, would you…?”

“I… guess not…” To the unfamiliar, it would look as though Crow were simply still grinning, but Ahuska knew the way it’s quality shifted that he was in fact frowning on the inside.

Ahuska took a slow breath, pinching the bridge of her snout. “And just the same, the bothese for ‘baby cat’ and ‘baby person’ are two totally different words. One translates to kitten, in basic, and the other to baby. Just baby. There’s nothing fancy, nothing cute about it, grown-ass men and women aren’t bucks and does or stallions or vixens, and I’d be willing to bet that there’s a good chunk of cathar out there who hate the way the better part of the galaxy pretends their own native words for their kids translate to ‘baby cat’---!!”

Despite her efforts to calm herself, Ahuska’s pitch and volume had rapidly increased, her gestures had grown more emphatic, and her attitude was positively simmering. Crow didn’t even need to tune into the beat of her heart to know he’d struck a hard nerve, but he wasn’t exactly sure how to handle it.

“Okay, okay,” he said quickly, lifting his hands in an effort to make it clear he was willing to concede. The crease of his forehead knit a little deeper. “I just would’ve thought, of all people, you might… find it kind of cute, at least? Like the way Nines…”

She shot him a look that made him shut up quick smart, then immediately made a visible effort to cool herself off.

“Let me… try and explain it another way,” she said, speaking slowly, her gaze focused inward. “One time when I was little, nine or ten years or something. I was on a trip with my buire, we had to spend the night in an Imperial settlement. We were checking in to some accommodation, just on the outskirts where it was quiet, and… you know buir’ika was a chadra-fan, right? Well, they had me and her go around to the back somewhere, and wait a while in another building. There was a nerf there, a couple of tauntauns, I think a big old varactyl even... one of the tauns had a fawn so that’s where all my attention was. I thought it was excellent, like, some special treat for me, buir’ika sure acted like it was. Anyway, it was a while later that nuvhu’buir… ah, that’s what I called Jinn, yeah? She came round to where we were with all our stuff, a few extra blankets and things, and we built ourselves a bed right there in the hay and spent the night there. I knew she was mad about something, but she never said why, at least not ever to me. I remember falling asleep hearing her and buir’ika talking really quietly together, and I was wondering why she was so upset. Didn’t make any sense to me at the time, since I thought it was… pretty much the best thing ever. I was too little to get it.”

Crow listened quietly, and when Ahuska paused, he didn’t say a word. He just watched her, offering his full attention, and waited for her to go on.

“They made us sleep in the damned stables. It was years later I looked back and realised that. They probably would’ve let nuvhu’buir stay up in a proper room, but she wouldn’t have anything to do with that. Stables, me and buir’ika, just because of our damn faces. So no. No, I don’t appreciate it when people joke about me going to a vet rather than a doctor, or offer me ‘treats’ for being a ‘good girl’. It’s not cute, it’s gross. And that goes hand in hand with asking if my species have litters, or if our babies are called foals, or if we go into heat. Ugh.” She made an ugly scowl at that. “Rule of thumb? If you wouldn’t ask a Mirialan the same question, it’s probably rude as hell to ask a Bothan. Or, y’know. Literally any other sapient species.”

Flushed, Ahuska found herself glancing off to the side, feeling oddly unburdened to have let it all out, and yet also heavy for having to unload to Crow. She knew he meant nothing by it, that of all the beings in the galaxy his intentions were utterly pure. She’d never forget the way he deflected those stuffy noblewomen on Alderaan that time.

She felt his hand envelope hers. “Did you want me to talk to Nines, and get her to let up a bit on the way she-?”

“Nayc,” Ahuska found the answer came easily, even if she couldn’t quite articulate why. “Not to me, anyway. I want to say it’s different, but it’s probably not, really. I dunno. Just maybe give her a poke if she starts on any other bothans with ‘Puppy’, yeah?” “It used to bother you a lot though, didn’t it?”

Ahuska stared out at nothing for a while.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Still sorry.”

His chin came to rest over her head, and she closed her eyes as she let her face rest against the comforting curve of his neck.

“I’m sorry too. Not your fault the galaxy is the way it is. I’m just… a little wound up right now, I think. I’m nervous about this.” “Shhh,” he soothed gently, and she let her face fall against the hand he brought to her cheek. “You don’t need to make an excuse for yourself. I asked you something stupid. Can’t promise I won’t again in the future, but I’ll always be ready to listen to you. Mmkay?” Ahuska found herself nodding against his palm. “‘kay.”

“And I’ll be right there with you, meeting those other relatives of yours. And if they turn out to be bastards? I’ll find a totally not-xenophobic way to give them a piece of my mind.”

She made a little snort, and let her arms wrap around him. “And that’s why I love you.”

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

Sweet Pandemonium - Gally (The Maze Runner) Part 8 of 16

Ugh...not proof read but yolo✌🏻

~~~~~~~~~~

You felt everything blur together as the days passed. Oh, weeks. Or was it months? Hell, years could’ve passed and you wouldn’t have been able to tell the goddamn difference.

You felt numb to most things. You were on autopilot, nothing made you happy. You felt like you could never smile ever again. The only thing making you feel was if the friends you had left were in danger, and that was almost all the time.

You didn’t have a chance to feel something other than panic.

Those were your only feelings most days, panic and numbness.

Mysterious people taking you to some foreign facility and still, you felt nothing and panic all at once. You weren’t even concerned about your feelings, you just wanted your friends safe. Not even the rich display of various foods made you feel happy. Even when a food fight broke out and everyone else was laughing, foolishly feeling like the torture was finally over.

You felt you didn’t have the right to enjoy anything, not even letting yourself relax under the shower head that ran actual hot water.

You weren’t really that surprised when Thomas discovered the horrifying secrets of the facility, that they were really W.C.K.D. Every inkling that Thomas felt was usually right. But you still followed him and Teresa, the only people that you felt truly connected to, out into the Scorch. 

Miles and miles of sand and destroyed buildings.

You remember running, so much more than when you were in the Maze. The mall. The Cranks. The Flare. Everything felt fuzzy. Feeling so tired after realizing that W.C.K.D. would never stop searching for you and your friends. Winston getting infected...you didn’t shed a tear. You physically couldn’t, you didn’t have any more tears left to shed.

It’s like a part of your soul died with...

No.

...no.

You couldn’t think of it...

The thought would sent you into a crazy frenzy of tears...you couldn’t think of him. Not when your friends depended on you.

On the outside, you seemed fine. Not like a girl who just lost a person she cared about. You played the role well, you knew that. Despite never smiling or showing any other emotion then panic and concern, it was like nothing happened. Your friends were too wrapped up in everything to notice how you were. Not their fault, of course, you knew that too. 

You didn’t really want anyone to worry about you, but Teresa did. She noticed, she cared. Even going out of her way to try and help you before you were chased by the Cranks in that mall. You told her just enough about your mental state without getting too specific, but she knew how bad it was and that there was nothing she could do to help you. It was appreciated though. She made sure to keep an eye on you when all your other friends thought you were fine, and almost grateful that you weren’t a mess, it motivated them in a way.

But how wrong they were. Everyday, on the verge of a breakdown whenever your mind would unconsciously drift back to that dreadful day. Your friends didn’t see you shed one tear after that day. Most of them just thought you got it all out that day. You wished that were the case... 

Walking miles through the desert. Running through a lightening storm, and getting super freaked out when Minho actually survived getting struck with the volts of electricity. 

Immediately not trusting Brenda and Jorge after they strung you upside down after finding out you all came from a W.C.K.D. facility. Then eventually coming around to them after they helped you escape from another attack. Being saved by the Right Arm, enemies of W.C.K.D., which meant they were allies to you, but you still didn’t allow yourself to feel safe. Everything was suspicious to you. But you were thankful that the doctor Mary was so willing to treat Brenda.

Seeing your friends sitting together, smiling and enjoying being in each other’s company was enough for you, you were happy for them, even if you weren’t happy yourself. Although, one friend was missing.

You looked around to see Teresa on a small cliff, overlooking the area. You made your way up the rocky hill until you found her. “Hey...” You voiced.

Teresa turned around a little startled, but soon weakly smiled when she saw you. “Hey.”

“What’re you doing up here?” You asked while sticking your cold hands into your new jacket pockets, coming to stand right beside her at the edge of the cliff.

You heard Teresa take a deep breath, taking the time to admire the sunset before speaking. “You know how I said I started to remember things...” You nodded, confused. “I remember everything now...I remember my mother...and you.”

You furrowed your brows. “Me? What-”

“In the Glade, after Thomas stung himself...he remembered more than what he said that we worked for them...he remembered you.”

You had no idea why you were tearing up, yet you were. “What did he remember?”

Teresa was tearing up as well, but she had a small smile growing on her face. “We’re family, Y/N...”

Your mouth with slightly agape, but you slowly started to shook your head as you backed away. “That’s not...”

“I didn’t believe it at first either. I truly didn’t until I remembered it myself...we’re cousins, Y/N. You’re all I have left, and I need you to believe me.”

Your head felt like it was running a million miles a second. “This is too much to take in, Teresa...”

“I understand, I just wanted you to know that. I don’t want you to hate me...”

“Hate you? Why would I hate you?”

Teresa looked away from you quickly. “Nothing...”

“Teresa-”

“Please, just go. I’m sure they’re wondering were you are.”

You didn’t want to leave, but if she needed her space, then you’d give it to her. Plus, you felt like you needed to go and take the time to think about what she told you. You didn’t remember things like her and Thomas...could she actually be right? Could you two actually be related?

“Y/N?” Thomas asked, causing you to jump a bit. “Is Teresa okay?”

“She just told me...she told me-” You stuttered, causing him to go wide eyed. “She said you remembered me, Teresa and I...is it true? I’m a Teresa’s family?”

Thomas walked up to you, placing a gentle hand upon your shoulder. “Yeah.” He whispered. “You are...” He sighed. “I’m sorry, I should’ve told you sooner, or convinced her to tell you.”

You suddenly smiled, genuinely, for the first time since the Maze. “I have family...”

Thomas smiled at you, ruffling your hair. “Yeah. I need to go check on her, okay? Why don’t you go back down? The boys were wondering where you went.”

You nodded. “She seemed upset about something, Thomas. Just letting you know.” He nodded, appreciative, and walked up the hill as you walked down. 

You had a cousin, a cousin who was alive, and it was someone you already cared about. You didn’t think you’d actually have family after leaving the Maze, you thought they must’ve been dead. But you had one family member left, Teresa.

You smiled...you had family. Life was actually looking up now. Or so you thought.

You finally understood what Teresa meant by her saying that she didn’t want you to hate her. She actually betrayed the Right Arm, betrayed her friends, betrayed Thomas, betrayed you. She told W.C.K.D. were the group was located. The bombed the camp, killed Mary, captured so many kids, captured Minho...

You tried to save him, you really did. But all that did was get you captured in the process.

Being hauled into the large aircraft with Minho, you saw Teresa give you a sad look. But all you did was glare at her. Your only family betrayed you, only after minutes of telling you that you two were related. Some family...

You looked out to see Thomas, but the door of the ship soon closed.

You were trapped once again...

~~~~~~~~~~

oof, that was a bit rushed. even I hate it lmao sorry. next chapter will be better🙄

[yayeetsonny]

Keeping Secrets~USWNT x Baby Reader

Prompt: Team finds out baby r has epilepsy.

Requested by: @khiaraaa-in-spacee​

TW: Depictions of seizures and mentions of them.

Y/N PRO//

My name is Y/N L/N and I have epilepsy. Having epilepsy is hard because a lot of people assume that there is just the one kind, where a person suddenly falls to the ground and experiences uncontrollable muscle movement. While that is a common form that it can take there are several other types. Like mine, I experience Typical absence seizures, this means that when I am experiencing one I stop whatever it was I was doing and it can look like I’m frozen or zoning out, my eyelids flutter quite a bit and my ams jerk slightly sometimes too. When these happen I don’t realize it until it’s over.  Most of the time I have several in a row so when everything is over I tend to be a little confused. 

I try not to let it define my life. I’m also a member of the United States Women’s National soccer team. I’m the youngest player on the squad at 15 and the team is over protective to say the least. They tend to overdue it by a lot when we’re on the field, for example if I go down injured at all they swarm me, asking if I’m okay a million times and calling the medical staff over for the tiniest injuries.. Off the field is much the same, they wake me up at the same time every morning because

“Having a routine is important.” 

Christen has told me this a thousand times, doesn’t mean I like being woken up at 5:30 am everyday, off days included. (That is unless I’m sick, then they make me hate naps) Once I’m up they make me get dressed and they carry me down to the dining hall where all the food is set up. When they first started doing this I protested being carried, citing that I was a big girl and I had two legs that worked perfectly fine but, after a look from Ali and Ashlyn I just let it happen. The veterans of the team also stormed the coaching staff’s office demanding that they find a way to make breakfast available for me (and them) when I wake up. They didn’t do this to be snobby or high maintenance they say its because

“If don’t eat right away in the morning, you get grouchy.” 

I don’t, but they think I do so I just let them have it and eat by 6 everyday. 

I haven’t told the team that I have epilepsy because I don’t want to scare them or freak them out. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it or anything it’s just that I don’t want them to feel like they have to worry about me even more than they already do.

“Hey Y/N! You in there?” Kelley asks appearing out of nowhere.

“What? Oh, sorry what’s up?”

“We just wanted to see if you wanted to go to the coffee shop around the corner with us.” 

She pointed to nearly half the team, including all the vets who were looking at me with concern written all over their faces.

“I think I’ll stay here, thanks anyways.”

“Are you sure? You love that place.” Kelley said frowning.

She was right, I had never turned down going there, especially with her. I wasn’t going to tell her this but I had forgot to take my seizure medicine so I need to stay back to take it before I forgot.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Okay, well, we’ll bring you something back then.” 

“Y/N?” Christen grabbed my hand before I could start walking to the elevators to go back to my room.

“Yeah Chris?”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I just wanna make sure. You know, me and the other veterans wouldn’t mind staying with you. We could hang here and watch movies or play board games or if you want we could all lay down and nap together, I know how much you love the “Cuddle puddle” we create.”

“I’m okay, really. Go have fun with the others. I think I’m just gonna go read my book in my room.”

“Okay, see you later.”

She gave me a hug before leaving, I watched as she explained what we talked about to the other vets and I saw several of them turn back to look at me. I shrugged at them before turning on my heel and heading back to my room. 

Once there, I took my medicine out of its hiding place, making sure to take the right dosage I then put it back and make sure it would stay hidden. I had to hide it because the girls always double check my bag before we leave any where we’ve stayed to make sure I have all my stuff. It’s nice sometimes but it also can get a little annoying.

There was a sudden knock at my door making me jump a little. Who could that be? The players who stayed behind were those that loved to nap and or they didn’t like coffee and almost all of them needed to have there alone time so getting a visitor is rare. After looking through the peephole I saw it was my roommate and best friend Morgan.

“Hey Moe! I thought you went with the others?” I said as I let her in.

“I did but I forgot my sunglasses. Have you seen them?”

“Um, I think you left them on the bathroom sink.”

“Oh that’s right! Okay, well got ‘em! See you later.”

“See you.” 

After she left I was able to go back to reading my book, It was pretty peaceful and I had almost made it half way through when I stopped. The book fell out of my hands and onto the floor with a loud thud. 

My eyelids fluttered and my fingers twitched and then just like that it was over. They only last 10-20 seconds, which isn’t long at all but for me it often feels like hours before I am aware of my surroundings again. Okay, there’s one. Am I going to have more?

My medicine has reduced them but it doesn’t stop them completely and some days it doesn’t work at all. I would go to a doctor to fix the prescription but since I can’t drive and the girls don’t know I just leave it be. 

“Oh boy, today is gonna be a long day.” I say to no one but myself before I slowly stand up and go to the sink to splash water on my face. 

We have practice in 45 minutes and I know the girls will want me to be ready a few minutes early. After I take my time changing into my gear and double checking that I do indeed look okay I make my way down to the lobby so that I can get on the bus before everyone else. I choose to sit all the way in the back and put my earbuds in so they know I don’t want to be bothered. But it seems Megan didn’t get the memo because she sits down right next to me and yanks the earbud out of my ear, putting it in her own.

“Hey kid, where you been? We brought back your favorite drink but you weren’t in your room.”

“I’ve been here.” I say shortly

“Okay?”

“Sorry I’m just tired.”

“You should’ve taken a nap before practice Y/N. What have we told you about that?”

“That I get grouchy without one, I know.”

“Do you?” 

“Yes! I’m sorry, okay? I forgot, I’ll take one when we get back.”

“I’ll be having a discussion with Carli, Chris, Alex, and the others about what we can do to help you remember.” She said leaving no room for argument.

Ugh, I hate when they have “Veteran meetings” about me. After they’ve decided something, they sit me down and all crowd around me so that if I get upset, they can comfort me. 98% of the time whatever they tell me isn’t a big deal, like a curfew. I can deal with that or even an early bedtime when I get sick or injured. But I draw the line on some things.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me Y/N.”

“Whatever.”

“Are we gonna have to talk about your attitude too?” 

“No. Sorry.”

“Mhm, what I thought.”

We finally arrived at the training facility we were practicing at this camp before our up coming international friendlies, and I grabbed my stuff and ran off the bus so I wouldn’t have to deal with Megan giving me the look anymore. 

“Y/N! Walk please!” I heard Alex shout from behind me but I ignored her.

Ali PRO//

“Okay is it just me or she acting weird?” I asked, concerned for our youngest teammate 

“Mmm, she’s just in a mood.” Megan said

“Okay, but she knows how we feel about her running anywhere that’s not the field, she’s the clumsiest kid we know. Plus, she always listens to me.” Alex said

She made a good point, she listened to all of us 9 times out of 10, some more than others but still. We all just stood there, letting the young players off first while we continued discussing our kid’s weird behavior.

“Hey guys?” 

“Yeah Ash?”

“What’s this?”

She held up a pill bottle that none of us had seen before. On it in big bold letters, was the name Y/N L/N and it was a medicine called Ethosuximide with the name (Zarontin) in parentheses. What the hell?

“What is that and why does she have it?” Christen asked angrily.

“I don’t know but I’m gonna find out right now.” Ashlyn said as she stomped off the bus.

“Ash, Ash hold on!” 

I stood in front of her trying to get her to stop walking.

“Why?”

“I know you, you aren’t going to let her explain and you’ll jump to conclusions.”

“What’s there to explain Ali? None of us have ever seen her take pills before and we all know she doesn’t have any medical conditions. We made Vlatko give us her file remember?”

“Yes but you should still let her explain.”

Ashyln was growing more upset and I was having a hard time keeping her at bay. As we got closer to the locker room the players who were already on the field or heading out attention was drawn to our argument. 

“Ash, cool it. Young ones in the vicinity.” Alex said referring to the “youngins” as Becky called them.

“I don’t care. I’m talking to her right now.”

There was nothing me, Alex or any of the other veterans could do to stop her from storming into the locker room.

“Y/N Y/M L/N!”

She came over to the front of the room quickly, startled and looking slightly terrified. She had yet to spot the pill bottle Ashyln was holding behind her back.

“Yeah Ash? What’s up?”

“ “What’s up?” she says. What’s up? That’s all you have to say?” Ashlyn had a bite to her tone that made me shiver. She can be mad intimidating when she wants to be. 

“Yes?”

“What’s up Y/N, is this.” 

As soon as she saw what she was holding all the color drained from Y/N’s face and I was afraid  she might faint. 

“Y/N… Sweetie, you’re okay. We’re just a little worried about you.” Chris said stepping forward and blocking her view of Ashlyn’s “Mean face” 

She tried to reach for Y/N but she turned away from her and made a move to leave.

“Uh you know, I really should get out on the field with the others. See you guys out there!”

Alex grabbed her around the waist and held her in her arms tightly so she couldn’t go anywhere. She tried to get her to let go but gave up when she realized Alex was too strong.

“Shhh, deep breaths. You’re okay. It’s just us. It’s okay.” Alex cooed softly in her ear.

I could tell that she was scared and was trying not to let her walls down.

“It-it’s not anything bad I swear!” 

“Really, then what is it?” 

“It’s just… can we just talk about it later? Please.”

“No, what is this and why do you have it?” 

“I- Please just let me go practice.”

“Y/N…”

“I have epilepsy, okay?! There, can I go practice please?”

She freed herself from Alex and ran out onto the field. We all chased after her and Christen tried to catch her but she was saved by the whistle.

“Ladies! Let’s go, stop messing around and get to work!” Dawn yelled, we knew it was directed at us.

After that we had no choice but to let it go and practice. We did the usual, stretching and warm up and then position group training, individual for some and scrimmages to end the session. Were half way through a scrimmage whenI noticed Y/N stop moving. It was like she was frozen, she wasn’t moving except for her arms that were jerking slightly and I could see her eyelids fluttering. She must be having a seizure. I thought. I rushed over to her stopping practice and tried everything to get her to snap out of it. Many of our teammates also tried to no avail and everyone was gathered around her unsure of what to do.

“Okay let’s give her some space.” Ashlyn said

I stayed close in case I had to prevent her from falling and hitting her head or needed to do anything else to help her.

She continued to seize, each one only lasted 10 seconds but she had 5 in a row and when those had stopped she only came to for a few seconds before she started to experience a second wave. In total she was unresponsive for almost a minute and half straight. Christen had put her arms on her shoulders, trying to let her know she was there.

“Y/N, it’s okay. We’re here. You’re okay.”

“What do we do?”

“We just have to let her know we’re here.”

“What’s going on? Is she okay?”

Several of the younger players looked scared and unsure of what to do, so Tobin and Megan took them away from where Y/N was and tried to reassure them she was gonna be okay.

Y/N PRO//

Everything finally started to come back into focus and at this point I had been moved to the ground and I was sitting in Chris’s lap as she held me. When I was fully out of the state I had been in I started to try to push her away, I was disoriented and confused and I didn’t remember what I was doing here.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. Y/N you’re safe, it’s okay.” Becky said as I settled down and the rest of the team begin trying to help me.

Chris held me the whole time, cooing in my ear and trying to keep me calm. Everything was super loud and my mind and body had gone into sensory overload trying to come back to practice. When I realized what happened and I was able, I pushed my way out of Christen’s arms, and ran back to the locker room. After that I ignored everyone and their questions about what was going on. I was the first back on the bus and had planned to continue ignoring everyone. The Vets of the team had other ideas however and put an end to it quickly.

“You feeling better little one?”

“Yeah Al, I am.”

“That was really scary.”

“I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about babe. But can I ask you something?” Ali said

“Sure, shoot.”

“Did you take your medicine today?”

“Yeah, I did it just doesn’t work well.” I said timidly

“What do you mean?”

“It’s the right dosage, it just doesn’t work well enough most of the time.”

“Why didn’t you get it adjusted?”

“I didn’t want anyone to find out about it.”

“That’s dangerous, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I know you were scared. We’ll take you to get it adjusted as soon as possible.”

“Thank you.”

When we got back to the hotel I dropped off my stuff and decided to go for a walk. I needed to think about some things, and I knew the girls wanted to have a more in depth talk about what happened but I wasn’t ready. Eventually though I made my way back to the room and when I opened the door my roommate was there to greet me.

“Hey babe! You came back to me!’ Moe said dramatically as I entered our room.

“I’ll always come back to you, baby.” I said jokingly

“You better. My life is so boring without you!”

“I am the life of the party I’ve been told.”

“Ha ha, If anyone is the life of the party its Crystal. Girl can dance.”

“Definitely.”

“Have you talked to the others since we got back?”

“Uhh... no. I’m sorta avoiding them.” I said rubbing the back of my neck.

“You know that they’ll want to talk to you about it eventually right? I’m sure they’re worried about you.”

I was unsure of what to do because I didn’t really want to talk to them about it but I knew I had to. After another hour of avoiding it, I got up and made my way to Alex’s room. I knocked on the door timidly and waited for it to open.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I just was wondering if I could talk to you all?” I said as I saw almost all the older players in her room.

“Of course.”

We got to talking about what happened and I told them about the condition I had and when it first appeared and all the while Alex held me in her lap, cooing in my ear when I would start to get emotional and the others sat around us doing there best to let me know they were there.

“Why didn’t you just tell us?” Ashlyn asked 

“I was just afraid.”

“You don’t ever have to be afraid to tell us these things. I’m sorry you felt the need to hide it from us.” JJ said.

“I know today was scary for everyone. I think I should tell the whole team everything soon.”

“Are you sure? You shouldn’t feel like you have to, if you’re not ready that’s okay too.”

“I am, it’s okay. Will you guys be there?”

“Of course, always.”

“I love you guys.”

“We love you too.”

I knew that some of them were still a little hurt that I hadn’t told them sooner or they felt bad because they weren’t able to protect me but I knew we would be okay.

we agreed to be more honest with each other going forward and When it came time for me to tell the entire team the older players were there to support me and help me explain everything. They were all super supportive and assured me that they didn’t see me any differently.

After our heart to heart we decided to do some much needed team bonding.

Rose showed me a Tick tok of a bulldog trying to reach a cake that was just out of its reach and failing (or succeeding) spectacularly as it splattered in the floor.

“Wilma would totally do this!” I said laughing at the thought of Rose’s dog doing something similar.

“She totally would but I would give her a hand.” Rose giggled.

Kelley succeeded in putting a cup on her head with only her feet and I was in awe of her flexibility. I attempted to do the same but I failed miserably and pouted as everyone laughed at me.

“Good try kid. You’ll get it eventually.” Kel said.

We ended up playing cup pong (the clean version), Jenga, Sorry, Truth or Dare, and twister. We also tried playing hide and seek through out the hotel but we got in trouble with the managerial staff and almost got the whole team kicked out. Let’s just say that Vlatko was not too pleased… 

Sam, Rose, Sonnett, Lindsey and Mal choreographed a new dance and performed it for everyone. We all watched for over an hour as these knuckleheads tried to get it all down perfectly.

“Oh my god you guys, try again tomorrow when you actually know the dance.” Tobin said exasperated

“No, no we can do this. Right guys?” 

“Yes we can.”

“Oh, definitely.”

“Just give us a minute.”

“We got this.”

We watched on as they tried and failed to prove that they had it, but we all gave them an A+ for effort anyways.

“We would have gotten it, if you guys had just been patient enough.” Sam grumbled.

“We watched for over an hour, you know this team, they can’t sit still forever.” I giggled.

“I guess you’ve got a point.” Sam chuckled.

“Hey! We’re not that bad at sitting still.” Kelley protested.

“Uh, yeah Kel. We are.”

The whole team giggled at that and agreed that together asking us to sit still for long periods was useless.

After that we made pies and cupcakes and they were actually really good, but things took a turn when I decided to smash Ali’s face in a pie. She then chased me down the hall trying to get me back.

“Y/N, get back here!”

“Becky! Save me!”

“No way kid. Not trying to get punched.” She said before she closed her door.

“Traitor!” I yelled as I continued to run from a pissed off Ali Krieger. 

She eventually caught up to me and attacked me with kisses and tickles. I ended up covered head to toe in pie filling after she got hers all over me and then found another one and got revenge.

“Aw man, you got me.” I said as I giggled wildly as she tickled me some more.

“This whole team loves you so much. You know that right?” Alex would later tell me that night as we all snuggled on the two beds in the room I shared with Morgan. 

“Yeah, I know. I love you guys too.” 

They drive me nuts with the constant hovering and weird, silly rules they make me follow but I am so grateful to have them in my life and to have such an amazing group of friends who love and support me no matter what. Me and my 23 best friends are family for life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

//

THE END

If I got anything wrong, I’m so sorry. I did the best research that I could. Sorry for any mistakes.

-N

[saiilorstars]

Metamorphosis

Ch. 5: A Companion’s Guide

Current Masterlist // Previous Story // Renata’s Masterlist

Fandom: Doctor Who // Pairing: 11th Doctor x OFC

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother​ @anotherunreadblog​ @maaaaarveeeeel​​ @stareyedplanet​ @perfectlystiles​ @natalie-the-whovian​

[If you would like to be added to this specific OC’s taglist, let me know!]

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Chapter summary: The time travelers have to figure out who's behind the creature snatching people up while working with Liz 10 and in the end, Gabby has to urge Amy to look past the Time Lords’ anger to see what they’re truly all about.

The entire group had fallen into the chute and were thrown out only to land in a splash somewhere full of oddly colored liquid. The Doctor jumped back on his feet soon as he got his bearings, though he noted the flooring underneath was a bit odd. He flashed the sonic around to see where exactly the chute had brought them to.

"High-speed air cannon. Lousy way to travel!"

Renata thrashed the water before getting up. "You have got to stop throwing us down things when you've no idea where they lead!" She made a show by splashing some water to the side.

Despite knowing she was properly upset, the Doctor found it much too funny to be serious. She was covered in whatever liquid they'd landed in - he suspected a food refuse judging by the smell - and so all of her hair was sticking to her face. Her dress was pressed against her body again, something he'd begun to accept would be his downfall one day. She was trying to be angry but she kept scrunching her face and yelling about the horrible stench around them. Her kicking the food refuse was just a plus!

Yup. Completely, adorably, funny.

"Doctor, where are we?" Gabby was close to gagging with the odor around them.

"600 feet down, 20 miles laterally - puts us at the heart of the ship. I'd say... Lancashire. What's this, then - a cave? Can't be a cave. Looks like a cave!"

"WHO CARES WHAT IT IS! GET US OUT!" Renata shivered excessively. She might just throw up there and then.

Amy was still on her knees beside them. She kept touching the ground. "It's a rubbish dump, and it's minging!"

"Yes, but only food refuse!" the Doctor Doctor confirmed, not that it would make it better. "Organic, coming through feeder tubes from all over the ship."

"You are so dead," Renata threw him a murderous glare he chose to ignore.

"The floor's all squidgy, like a water bed," Amy pointed out. She'd been trying to figure out how best to describe what she felt and that was as close as it would get.

"But feeding what, though?" the Doctor asked while he took another read off the sonic.

"It's sort of rubbery, feel it. Wet and slimy!"

"Uh, Amy, let's not keep touching that," Gabby helped the woman stand up. "You never know what it could actually be."

And a moment later, the Doctor heard a distant moaning. He froze, letting his eyes dart to the dark 'walls' of the so-called cave. "Er...it's not a floor, it's a…" he put his screwdriver away and prepared the best way to explain his discovery. "So…"

Renata narrowed her eyes on him. With all her thrashing, she missed the moaning. The Doctor was grateful for it because now he had a few minutes to come up with a way that wouldn't get him killed.

"What is it?" she demanded a dangerously low tone.

"The next word is kind of a scary word." And it was a pretty scary moment for him right now. He moved closer to her, taking her sticky hands into his. "Take a moment. Get yourself in a calm place. Go 'omm'. Everybody! Omm!"

Gabby and Amy had no idea what he was doing but they would go along with it and see where it led. "Omm!" they collectively said.

"...it's a tongue," the Doctor had swallowed very hard, almost making it so that Renata couldn't understand him. Almost.

Her dark eyebrows arched up as her eyes widened. "A...tongue?"

"Aha...a great big tongue!" He couldn't help the excitement that crossed his face for a moment. It was a tongue! They were standing on an actual tongue! When could that ever happen!?

It was that same excitement that drove Renata mad. "I'm gonna kill you!" she pushed him away. "I hope you've enjoyed your small time in that incarnation because it's about to end!" She actually lunged on him, knocking them both to the ground. Her hands may have curled around his neck but she got a taste of the food refuse from their splash and nearly gagged on the side.

The Doctor was stunned that Renata had actually lunged on him, but he was close to laughing too. This new incarnation of hers was truly going to be an adventure. Perhaps it was a sign that things were going to change for the better now.

"Renata!" Gabby burst into laughter. Amy perhaps would've laughed if she wasn't still stuck on the fact they were inside a mouth.

Renata still narrowed her eyes on the Doctor under her. "You are so lucky there's witnesses!"

"I'm going to love you even more after this," he said before laughing. A blush bloomed across Renata's face, even more so when she realized their position.

Make a fool out of yourself why don't you? She quickly got off him and tried pulling her hair off her face. "How do we get out of here?" She reached for her pocket and took out her own sonic.

"What, you have one too?" Amy blinked at the golden-white sonic in Renata's hand. It even made the same sound as the Doctor's.

Renata gave a dismissive nod while she took a look at the readings. "This place is huge! Doctor, of all the places…"

"It's gorgeous!" the man exclaimed. She rolled her eyes in response. "Blimey! if this is just the mouth, I'd love to see the stomach." Of course soon as he heard the grunts in the back he regretted his words. "Though not right now."

"Doctor, how do we get out?" Gabby called to him. She would like if he didn't keep saying words that could get him killed by the mouth or Renata.

"OK, it's being fed through surgically implanted feeder tubes, so the normal entrance is…" the Doctor made a turn towards the white set of teeth properly shut. "...closed for business."

"We can try, though!" Amy said determinedly. She left Gabby's side only to take two steps and hear another grunt. "Or...not…"

"Oh, great, it's started," Renata lowered her sonic to her side.

Amy swallowed hard. Whatever was starting was her fault. "What has?"

"Swallow reflex." The Doctor said just before they were thrown back into the refuse. Renata yelled as soon as her entire body was covered in the refuse again. In a quick second the Doctor used the sonic on the walls to get another process started, one that he was sure Renata would thoroughly scream at him for.

"What are you doing?" Amy sat upright, too afraid to stand until somebody else did too.

"I'm vibrating the chemo-receptors!"

"Chemo-what?"

"The eject button!"

"How does a mouth have an eject button?"

As expected, Renata loudly screamed. "I really hate you! I hate this entire place and this entire ship!"

Gabby was about to ask for another explanation when they heard the creature growling and a wave of vile coming towards them. Oh, she might scream too.

The Doctor helped Renata stand up but she looked so close to murdering him he almost thought of letting her go. He winced at himself for that thought. "Sorry Renée. Only way out."

She would've indeed yelled at him had it not been for the terribly huge wave coming for them. "O-o-oh no…" Her hands suddenly clung to him.

"Right, then, this isn't going to be big on dignity," he tweaked his bowtie, not that it would matter in a couple minutes. "Geronimo!" He wrapped his arms around Renata's body to shield her from as much bile as he could.

Gabby and Amy tried cowarding behind one another, ushering the other one ahead before they would force each other to switch places. In the end, they all screamed as the bile collected them in its way.

~0~

When Gabby and Amy came to, everything was a bit distorted. They could see each other a few inches away but things were blurry. They could hear warbled voices in the background, going fast. It took a few minutes for them to realize they were lying on a hard, cold metal ground and that the voices they heard were actually Renata and the Doctor going back and forth in some conversation...or argument. Gabby wasn't sure.

"You really had to bring us there, huh? I always thought there was a wire in your head that's plugged into some box with the words 'act stupid' on the front!" Renata was watching the Doctor sonic the metal door that wouldn't open for them.

He looked over her shoulder at her, his expression a cross between wanting to laugh or be properly annoyed. "A box…?" The laughing was winning.

She huffed and folded her arms. "Being clean is something I love. I adore it. You know what I don't like? Being covered in sick! I was just thrown up like...like…" she groaned when no comparison came to mind. "It's just so terrible that I can't come up with the right word!"

"Ren?" Gabby called, alerting the pair she and Amy had woken up.

Renata turned around to help the girls stand up. "Don't worry. There's nothing broken, there's no sign of concussion and yes, unfortunately we're all covered in sick."

"And where are we?" Amy asked once she realized they were in a narrow room with, unsurprisingly, two Smilers.

"Overspill pipe, at a guess." Renata glanced back to see if the Doctor was anywhere closer to opening that door. He wasn't.

Amy crinkled her nose at the stench that seemed to be stuck on her. "Oh, God, it stinks!"

"Yeah, that's not the pipe," the Doctor paused scanning to shoot her an apologetic smile.

"Ugh! Doctor!" Gabby kept her arms away from her body. "This is by far the most disgusting thing that's happened to us!"

"Can we get out?" Amy wanted nothing more than to see a shower.

"One door, one door switch, one condition," Renata sourly said as she made her way up to the Smilers. She tilted her head at the smiling clown face. "It wants us to forget everything we saw. The audacity."

"Forget that we were inside the mouth of a creature? Honestly tempting," Gabby admitted after smelling a strand of her hair.

"Don't say that Gabbs," the Doctor gave up on the door for the moment. "There's a creature living in the heart of this ship and I'd like to know what it's doing there."

The Smilers knew the question was directed at it and, as a response, they turned around to show their angry faces.

"No, that's not going to work on us, so come on," the Doctor made a motion with his fingers for it to give the answer. "Big old beast below decks, and everyone who protests gets shoved down its throat. That how it works?"

Once again, the Smilers turned their faces, revealing an even angrier faces than the last.

Renata was exasperated with the Smilers by this point. "Would you just answer!?" She slammed her hands against the walls of their booths, at the same time expelling golden butterflies. With widened eyes, she backed away. "Oops…" she stared at her palms much like Gabby had earlier. "How does that work exactly?"

"At a first glance, seems like its connected to your current distressed state," the Doctor said, reaching for her closest hand. He examined it as much as he could with the naked eye, but there seemed to be no excess and it didn't seem to harm Renata like it had in her last incarnation.

"I got mad at the door that wouldn't open!" Gabby exclaimed, absolutely believing the Doctor's theory. "It must be when we're mad!"

"But not always, right?" asked Amy who had remembered the butterfly trick Renata showed her when the Doctor was examining the crack in her bedroom wall.

Renata seemed to read her thoughts and nodded with a smile. "Yes! But-" she dropped her smile as her eyes landed on the Smilers again, "-right now I'm beyond angry! I'm covered in sick because of a creature that's no doubt being tortured in the middle of this ship and some stupid clowns are holding back on us! So you better-" she threatened the booth with a pointed, glowing finger, "-start answering before you become Vortex dust!"

The booths opened up to let the two Smilers come out.

The Doctor quickly pulled Renata back, prompting Gabby and Amy to do the same. "May I just say, good response but terrible outcome?" he told Renata who agreed with a quick nod of her.

"Okay, what do we do now!?" Amy urgently asked them as the Smilers approached them. They were looking as terrified as she was and she took that as a bad sign.

Suddenly, the red cloaked woman had the door opened behind them and shot at the Smilers. They were momentarily stunned.

The Doctor whirled around, happy as ever. "Look who it is!? You look a lot better without your mask!"

The woman was showing her smiling face at them. Her eyes flickered past Renata to the humans. "You must be Gabby and Amy. Liz. Liz 10."

Neither girl could understand when this woman became their friend but would gladly take it!

"Bit late, aren't you?" Renata smirked at the woman.

"A thank you is in order!" the woman laughed. "Right. You know Mandy, yeah?" she moved slightly to let the others see the girl behind in the hallway. "She's very brave."

"How did you find us?" the Doctor asked her after realizing there was no the woman had been casually around the area.

"Stuck my gizmo on you!" the woman chucked a small device at him. "Been listening in."

"Let me see!" Renata took the device from the Doctor to study. "Oh this is great! It could come in handy to keep an eye on him!"

"HEY!" the Doctor was utterly offended. It didn't help that the others, including little Mandy, started laughing. "Seriously!?"

"Sorry, sorry," Renata apologized but she was still struggling to stop laughing. She held the device back to him, not even noticing when he swiped it from her hand with irritation.

"Anyways, you want to tell us what's a creature doing in the middle of the ship?" the Doctor looked directly at the cloaked-woman. "Oh, my bad, you also voted to forget."

The woman took the sarcastic jab calmly. She shrugged her shoulders and refuted the statement. "Never forgot, never voted. Not technically a British subject."

"Then who and what are you, and how do you know us?"

The woman tilted her head at him, giving him a smile asking him if he really needed to ask her that. "You're a bit hard to miss, love. Mysterious stranger, MO consistent with higher alien intelligence, hair of an idiot…"

"Oh, another insult? Seriously!" the Doctor was reaching his limit with all these sarcastic jabs. Why was it always him!?

Renata felt guilty for taking her own jabs. She always did them and poor Doctor always had to take it. It was their dynamic, sure, but sometimes she needed to reel it back. She reached up to move some of his wet strands of hair off his forehead. She felt his body stiffen but soon relaxed under her touch.

"Sorry my dear. You do have the hair of an idiot but I love it," she said with a soft smile.

Well, that made everything better for the Doctor. He wouldn't mind if he stroked his hair all day. Actually, he might ask her if she could do that later. With any luck, she would say yes and they could have one calm day together.

When Renata was sure their little disagreement was resolved, she drew her hand away - an action the Doctor almost pouted at - and turned her attention back to the woman. "So, you were explaining how you know him?"

"Both of you, actually," the woman said. "Did I not make that clear?"

"Right, except that doesn't make sense. We haven't met you."

"No, I've been brought up on the stories. My whole family was." The woman noticed the Smilers beginning to twitch behind them. "They're repairing." The group looked back to see the Smilers and quickly took a few steps away. "Doesn't take them long. Let's move." She took the lead down the hallway and continued explaining herself to the pair. "The Doctor. Old drinking buddy of Henry XII. Tea and scones with Liz II. Vicky was a bit on the fence about you, wasn't she?"

"What did you do, Doctor?" Gabby threw the man a curious glance.

The Doctor preferred not to explain considering it really was his fault. "Torchwood," he left it at that and hoped she and Renata would get the jist.

"Knighted and exiled you on the same day!" the woman laughed. The Doctor scowled at her back. So much for keeping it a secret!

"That sounds like you alright," Renata mumbled to him as she rubbed his arm comfortingly.

"And how could I forget Marchioness Renata? Good friends with Anne of Cleves, bit rocky with dear old Henry VII - I'd be too, don't worry - but nobody more rocky than Liz I, huh? Goes for you too Doctor!"

"I haven't even met her! Doctor, what did you do!?" Renata glared at the man in question.

"How do you know I did something!?"

"Because it had to be! Notice how she didn't say drinking buddies of Henry VII, right?"

"Well, but…but you were the reason we couldn't go back to any Henry VII era!"

"Hey that was both of us!" Renata snapped loudly and jabbed her finger into his chest.

Gabby couldn't help snicker at the reminder of that precise trip. Amy heard the laugh and raised an eyebrow at Gabby, asking her what she knew.

"Long story short..." Gabby pulled Amy a bit closer to speak quietly without being heard. Of course with Renata and the Doctor arguing, she didn't have to try so hard. "We met Anne of Cleves and her then-husband, Henry VII, who wanted Renata as his wife. The Doctor got jealous, made a whole thing about it and we had to run for it in the end."

Amy hid her laugh behind her mouth and turned her head at the Time Lords. They were still going at it strongly.

"I didn't do anything!" the Doctor was shouting.

"Don't lie to me! Martha also told me this Queen was particularly upset with you! And now she hates me too!?"

"I didn't!" the Doctor insisted but Renata wouldn't listen. Gabby and Amy both shared equally confused but curious glances with each other.

"Good story to come, I hope," Gabby snickered with the ginger.

It wasn't until the woman introduced herself as Liz 10 - Elizabeth X - that the Time Lords stopped arguing.

"And down!" Liz shot at the pair of Smilers behind them. "I'm the bloody Queen, mate. Basically, I rule." She led them into another corridor that would bring them to the base of a vator shaft. "There's a high-speed Vator through there."

The Doctor noticed two tentacles sticking out of a caged area, much like the one Gabby and Amy saw earlier. "There's these things. Any ideas?"

"Oh, we saw one of those up top," Gabby said as soon as she saw the caged area. "Right, Amy?"

"Yeah!" the ginger nodded. "There was a hole in the road, like it had burst through, like a root."

"It's all one creature," Renata said and shuddered. "The same one we were inside minutes ago, but now it's reaching out. It must be growing through the mechanisms of the entire ship."

Liz eyed the cage with newfound horror. "What? Like an infestation?"

"Someone's helping it. Feeding it…" the Doctor tried getting nearer to it but Renata yanked him back.

"Feeding my subjects to it," Liz muttered and stormed off. "Come on. We've got to keep moving." Mandy followed in a hurry and just as Amy and Gabby were going to do the same, they noticed the Time Lords staring at the tentacles with odd expressions.

"Guys?" Gabby called to them while Amy gestured that they needed to be following Liz.

"We should have never come here," the Doctor resolved with a sigh. The creature banged against the bars keeping it inside. He should have just ran those exams on Renata and maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't have caught sight of this ship.

Amy remembered the video she left for herself, warning her to get off the ship. Could it be related to the creature? And if so, why was it so urgent!?

~ 0 ~

Liz's bedroom was covered with a maze of glasses of water. It was a certain challenge getting around it but Liz was a master as she swiftly crossed the room to reach her bed. Sometime later would see the travelers cleaned up from showers, though Renata swore she would take a proper, long bath when they went home.

"What are these glasses for?" Gabby asked in a slight frustration after nearly knocking one over.

"To remind me every single day that my government is up to something, and it's my duty to find out what," Liz said in what sounded like a recital.

"Lovely mask," Renata eyed the porcelain mask sitting at the foot of the woman's bed. She knew the Doctor had already taken a quick study of it while she was in the shower, but she wanted to see it with her own eyes. "Guess you would need it if you're a queen going undercover to investigate her own kingdom."

Liz was dead serious as she watched Renata turn her mask over. "Secrets are being kept from me. I don't have a choice. Ten years I've been at this - my entire reign - and you've achieved more in one afternoon."

"That's him alright," Renata said without even gazing up from the mask. The Doctor stopped pacing behind her, his amused expression asking her how she knew that line had been directed at him. She glanced at him with a wink.

"So Liz, how old were you when you came to the throne?" he asked afterwards.

"40. Why?"

Amy's mouth nearly dropped when she heard that. She turned away from the mirror after putting her hair up. "What, you're 50 now? No way!"

"Don't let physical appearances fool you," Gabby said before throwing a thumb at Renata and the Doctor. "Ask them how old they are."

"Ask and it's the last thing you'll do," Renata calmly said while she studied the mask, though under her calm words there was a clear warning.

Amy chuckled and went to sit on the chaise with Mandy.

"Yeah, they slowed my body clock. Keeps me looking like the stamps," Liz added for humor.

"Do you always wear this in public?" Renata waved the mask at Liz. The woman nodded her head.

"Undercover's not easy when you're me. The autographs, the bunting."

Renata had on a strained smile before she glanced at the Doctor. He already knew.

"Air-balanced porcelain. Stays on by itself, cos it's perfectly sculpted to your face," he said quietly. Liz missed the knowing looks the pair were sharing.

"Yeah. So what?"

Renata met the woman's gaze a few seconds later with her strained smile stronger than ever. "Oh, Liz. So everything."

If they had been about to share what they knew worth Liz, they never got the chance. Four hooded men burst into the room, startling Liz out of her bed.

"What are you doing? How dare you come in here?" she rushed up to them in outrage.

"Ma'am, you have expressed interest in the interior workings of Starship UK. You will come with us now," one of the men dutifully announced.

"Why would I do that?"

The man's head then spun to show the face of an angry Smiler.

"Mm, that's why!" Gabby exclaimed in horror.

Liz was appalled as she stumbled away from the men. "How can they be Smilers?"

"Half Smiler, half human," the Doctor said, rather disgusted.

Liz didn't seem to share the same sentiment. She was beyond furious and anyone who was responsible would feel it. "Whatever you creatures are, I am still your queen. On whose authority is this done?"

"The highest authority, Ma'am," the Smiler, to his credit, did obediently answer.

"I am the highest authority!"

And that should be your first clue, Renata almost rolled her eyes. The human was too angry to even notice it.

The Smiler agreed with Liz, yet another clue that the woman missed, and announced that he would led her and the rest to the Tower of London. They were brought to a large stone room full of machinery. Only a few feet inside, Amy and Gabby noticed more of the creature's body was sticking out of grates.

"Where the hell are we?" Gabby wearily looked at the Time Lords.

"The lowest point of Starship UK," the Doctor said, giving the room a little spin. "The dungeon."

"Hawthorne!" Liz barked a gray-haired man who'd approached the group. "So this is where you hid yourself away. I think you've got some explaining to do."

"Excuse me," Renata called with a similar authoritative tone. "Why are there children down here?" Her question made Amy and Gabby realize there was a line of children doing hard labor around the room. "It seems hardly safe for them. Where are their parents?"

"Protesters and citizens of limited value are fed to the beast," Hawthorne replied with the most casual tone, easily enraging Renata in a second. "For some reason, it won't eat the children. You're the first adults it's spared. You're very lucky."

"You tried feeding children to the creature!? How dare you!?" She looked ready to lunge on him and it didn't seem like the Doctor would try to stop her.

The only reason he wouldn't join her was because his eyes had gone to the type of equipment around the room. One Time Lord for each problem.

"And you agreed to this!" Renata turned on Liz, startling the woman with the sudden change of direction her rage took.

"I did not!"

Renata's loud scoff made everyone around her flinch. "Yes, you did!"

Gabby pulled Renata back a few steps. "How could she? She's investigating her own kingdom, remember?"

"I remember, but she doesn't! This isn't even a dungeon room, it's a bloody torture chamber!"

"Ren, what are you talking about?" Gabby happened to look in Amy's way and saw the finger's mild fear. If she was in Amy's place, Gabby would agree the sight of angry Time Lady was fear-worthy. "Doctor?" she called to the man for some help.

"She's right," the Doctor agreed, speaking in a low tone.

Gabby recognized that immediately even if was in a new incarnation's voice. Oh great, they're both angry.

"Torture chamber of the Tower of London, except it's not a torture chamber, for this lot," the Doctor sourly went on as he strolled by the equipment. "I suppose it just depends on your angle." He came for Liz and, despite the woman's reluctance, he led her to an open well which was reply just a view into the engine.

Liz peered over the railing to see something huge and it was moving. "What's that?"

"It's your engine," Renata muttered, ignoring Gabby's please beside her to explain why she was so upset.

"Well, like I say, depends on the angle. It's either the exposed pain center of big fella's brain, being tortured relentlessly…" the Doctor trailed off.

"Or?"

"Or it's the gas pedal, the accelerator - Starship UK's go-faster button."

"I don't understand…"

The Doctor was getting frustrated with the lack of brains around him. The answer was right in front of Liz and she wasn't getting it! "The spaceship that could never fly, no vibration on deck. This creature - this poor, trapped, terrified creature. It's not infesting you, it's not invading - it's what you have instead of an engine. And this place down here is where you hurt it, where you torture it, day after day, just to keep it moving."

As if to help prove his point, an intermittent electrical beam shot down into the well, directly hitting the creature's exposed brain. Liz was stunned and she dared not look over the tails again.

"Tell you what," the Doctor hastily made his way up to another well to lift its grate. "Normally, it's above the range of human hearing. This is the sound none of you wanted to hear." He used the sonic on an extension that had come undone in the grate. A loud, piercing sound filled the air until the Doctor stopped it.

Gabby felt tears come to her face when she realized that the sound was like a cry, a cry of the creature. "It's being tortured nonstop?" Renata nodded at her and finally Gabby realized why the two were so angry.

Amy hadn't yet reached that level and she was suddenly wondering if she wanted to.

"Who did this?" Liz demanded to know from the workers. She was furious, just like Renata and the Doctor.

"We act on instructions from the highest authority," Hawthorne said, but Liz still didn't understand.

"I am the highest authority!" she snapped. "The creature will be released, now." But even with all her anger, nobody moved from their spot. "I said now! Is anyone listening to me?"

The Doctor slowly returned to her side and took out her mask from his pockets. "Liz. Your mask. Look at it. It's old. At least 200 years old, I'd say."

Liz could not understand what was so damn important about that mask. She recalled how long Renata had kept it under her eye. "Yeah, it's an antique, so?"

"Yeah, an antique made by craftsmen over 200 years ago and perfectly sculpted to your face. They slowed your body clock, all right, but you're not 50. Nearer 300. And it's been a long old reign."

Liz almost laughed at the absurdity. "Nah, it's ten years. I've been on this throne ten years."

"It's been the same ten years," Renata clarified as she started heading for a small table set not too far from where they entered.

The Doctor led Liz by the hand and since the woman was utterly confused, she let it happen. "The same ten years over and over again, always leading you... here."

Liz swallowed rough when she saw a screen with a two buttons in front of it, reading "forget" and "abdicate". She turned a hard glance on Hawthorne. "What have you done?"

"Well it wasn't him," Renata corrected. "He's only following your orders."

Hawthorne nodded in agreement. "We work for you, Ma'am. The Winders, the Smilers, all of us." He reached over to the turn on the screen and as soon as it came to life, a recording of Liz herself appeared. It was what brought Liz to sit down and truly listen.

"If you are watching this...If I am watching this, then I have found my way to the Tower Of London. The creature you are looking at is called a Star Whale. Once, there were millions of them. They lived in the depths of space and, according to legend, guided the early space travelers through the asteroid belts. This one, as far as we are aware, is the last of its kind. 'And what we have done to it 'breaks my heart. The Earth was burning. Our sun had turned on us, and every other nation had fled to the skies. Our children screamed as the skies grew hotter. And then it came, like a miracle. The last of the star whales. We trapped it, we built our ship around it, and we rode on its back to safety. If you wish our voyage to continue, then you must press the "forget" button. Be again the heart of this nation, untainted. If not, press the other button. Your reign will end, the Star Whale will be released, and our ship will disintegrate. I hope I keep the strength to make the right decision."

Amy felt sick to her stomach. "I voted for this?" She asked the Doctor and Renata despite already knowing the answer. Their grim faces just confirmed what she already knew. "Why would I do that?"

"Because you knew if we stayed here, we'd be faced with an impossible choice," the Doctor muttered with a growing sense of anger at the woman. "Humanity or the alien. You took it upon yourself to save us from that. And that was wrong." He turned completely to her and once Amy saw his face she backed a step. "You don't ever decide what we need to know."

Gabby sent Renata a look asking her to step in, but Renata did not move. She was just as upset but her method of expressing anger had always been to seal it away. Gabby really dreaded the idea of that trait following Renata into her new incarnation. Seeing that Renata wasn't going to help, Gabby moved to stand between the Doctor and Amy.

"Hey! She doesn't even remember doing it!"

Having Gabby in front of him didn't make his anger any less. "But she did it. That's what counts!"

"I'm... I'm sorry," Amy said, at a loss for other words.

"Oh, I don't care," he turned away, storming towards the equipment. "When I'm done here, you're going home."

Amy gasped. "Why!?"

"Doctor, that's being unfair!" Gabby called but he didn't stop for either of them.

"I made one mistake!" Amy argued as she moved to stand beside Gabby. She appreciated the girl's help but she didn't need anyone to fight her own battles. "One mistake that I don't even remember doing it!"

There was no telling if the Doctor was truly examining the equipment he would need for his new plan or if he was just distracting himself from looking at either girl. "Yeah. I know. You're only human."

Gabby's eyes widened. That one might have just hurt her heart. "Is that supposed to be an insult?" the Doctor said nothing more so Gabby turned expectantly at Renata.

The Time Lady had watched the entire argument unfold with no clear expression of which side she was leaning to. "We get it, we do, but Amy you shouldn't have chosen to forget on our behalf. You don't get to make that choice for us."

"I'm sorry," Amy insisted, hoping that at least Renata would be able to know she was being honest. All Renata did was nod though.

"What are you doing?" Liz asked the Doctor, taking a few steps towards the man but stopping when she got a better look at his darkened expression.

"The worst thing I'll ever do. I'm going to pass a massive electrical charge through the Star Whale's brain. Should knock out all its higher functions, leave it a vegetable. The ship will still fly, but the whale won't feel it."

"But that'll be like killing it!" Amy exclaimed. She didn't remember pressing any buttons but she knew, she knew for sure, that she had pushed the 'forget' button to spare them pain. She only failed to think about the creature.

The Doctor's hands slammed down on the machinery and glared up at the group. "Look, three options. One: I let the Star Whale continue in unendurable agony for hundreds more years. Two: I kill everyone on this ship. Three: I murder a beautiful, innocent creature as painlessly as I can. And then I find a new name, cos I won't be the Doctor any more!"

"But there must be something we can do, some other way," Liz said but that was the Doctor's patience had finally snapped from the thread it'd been hanging on.

"Nobody talk to me!" he roared, startling everyone into silence. "Nobody human has anything to say to me today!" After that, nobody tried to stop him anymore.

All except for one person.

'I think you may have hurt Gabriella's feelings back there…'

Nobody would notice the one second the Doctor momentarily stopped working. This was the first time Renata had spoken telepathically to him since he regenerated.

'You're that upset my dear that you've unintentionally lowered your mental shields,' Renata came up to stand on the other side of the equipment he worked on. 'Never really talked about connecting telepathically but since your door is open, I'm going to step in for a moment.'

'Are you not upset?' the Doctor raised his gaze to meet Renata's eyes.

'Oh no I am very upset. Amy did something terrible but...she did it with good intentions. I can relate to that. I'm sure you can too.'

The Doctor wouldn't give in so easily despite the kind face he had in front of him. 'They have been torturing this kind creature for centuries, Renata. How am I supposed to react!? Not everyone has your ability to bottle things in!' As soon as he thought - or said - those words, the Doctor closed his eyes with regret. His hands stopped working over the controls and drew back. 'I'm sorry. I didn't...I shouldn't have-'

Renata smiled lightly at his guilty self. 'No, no, that's completely fair. I did that a lot. But just to be clear, I'm not saying that you shouldn't be upset. I'm only saying, from personal experience, that you shouldn't push people away. When they do things like these, with good intentions, it's best to go back and see things from their perspective. I know it's hard, especially because of the circumstances but it does help.'

The Doctor smiled to himself, almost shaking his head. He always wondered how she could be so wise, even when they were younger. She always had the right words to ease something that could seem so impossible. 'I love you, you know. I'm glad I have you around...in this way.'

Renata reached over the equipment to grab his hand. 'Me too. And know that whatever you do, whatever you decide...I'm here.'

The Doctor swallowed hard as his eyes roamed over the equipment. The choice had already been made. He just needed to get through it.

~ 0 ~

Gabby and Amy sat on the ground together against the wall. They could do nothing to stop what was going to happen to the creature. All they could do was simply wait for it. Amy, however, felt like she was waiting for more than Gabby...because she was.

"I messed it up," she said quietly, bringing her hands up to her temples. "I messed it all up…"

Gabby could feel Amy's genuine guilt and put a comforting hand on the ginger's arm. "It was an honest mistake. Don't worry, you're not going home."

Amy scoffed quietly. "Oh please, you heard the man."

"You don't know him like I do. I mean...I don't know him like Renata does but I know him enough to know that he says a lot of things when he's angry. He's heartbroken."

Amy wasn't convinced. She had felt the Doctor's rage with one simple glare and she was not interested in being on the receiving end again. "If I make mistakes like that, maybe I shouldn't be around."

"We make mistakes, trust me. I did too," Gabby shrugged. Her eyes flickered to Renata who had drifted away from the Doctor to stop more children coming in from working.

Amy dropped her hands to her lap and questionably looked at Gabby. "You did?"

"Yeah, on my very first trip just like you. I pissed off Renata when I overstepped about something I heard about her. It was about her past and Renata is a very reclusive woman. I made the wrong choice by asking her, pestering her, until she snapped and threatened to drop me back on Earth."

Amy's eyes widened as she quickly glanced at Renata. The Time Lady was clearing off some soot of a child's face, trying her best to make the boy smile. She even bopped his nose with a glowing golden finger to enchant the boy. Amy couldn't see Renata acting the same as the Doctor when she was angry. Hell, she couldn't even picture Renata getting angry.

"She can get angry," Gabby said as if she read Amy's mind. Amy looked away from Renata with a light smile. "The Doctor's right, Amy, we're only human but that's not an insult. It does hurt a bit when he says it angrily," she sighed. "He's actually very fascinated with our kind. We're that good." She bumped shoulders with Amy, eliciting a smile from the ginger. "But you have to understand that even though they look young...the Doctor and Renata are actually very old. They've seen so many things that sometimes they snap. And our job as companions is to help them come back from it. We can't make them come back but we can try our best."

"So what can we do right now?" Amy helplessly asked as she cast another look at the Doctor. He was fervently working and had been for time now which meant the creature would be dying soon.

"I don't know. We better start thinking."

Amy blew a raspberry at their hopeless situation. "Great."

"Just look at the butterflies," Renata's voice carried over to the girls' spot.

Amy craned her head in time to see a few of the children 'awwwing' at a few golden butterflies fluttering in the air. A light smile spread across Amy's face as she recalled the same trick being used on her all those years ago. It had truly made her feel much less afraid of the crack. Renata gave the allusion of what a mother was.

Mandy had joined the group without neither Amy nor Gabby noticing when, but Amy did spot one of the creature's tentacles creeping out of a grate towards Mandy. Amy panicked and scrambled to get up but just as she straightened up, the tentacle only tapped Mandy's shoulder and then allowed the girl to pet it.

"Amy?" Gabby gently called to her but Amy was thinking suddenly.

"It won't eat the children…"

"The children screamed, then it came. It's the last of its kind."

Amy watched Mandy and a few other children pet the tentacle and it almost looked like the creature was trying to play with them.

"No, it's okay," Renata was soothing one of the younger children crying at the tentacle. "It won't hurt you. I'm here."

"There were, but there aren't...just us now."

Amy's eyes flickered to the Doctor after watching Renata conjure up a few more butterflies for the scared child. There was no doubt in her mind he would be trying to pull off some crazy stunt to make the scared child laugh too.

"Doctor says he never interferes in the affairs of other peoples or planets but then he does when there's children crying?"

"Oh, if there's a child crying he'd stop everything."

Amy then looked down at Gabby who was still trying to decide if Amy was alright. She'd stopped calling Amy's name but she was keeping a close eye on the ginger. Something was going on inside her head.

And indeed there was.

Amy felt like slapping herself for being so clueless! The Doctor was right, she had to have kept her eyes open! She should've noticed everything! "Doctor, stop!" she yelled and rushed towards Liz. Everyone, including the Doctor and Renata, stopped to see her taking Liz's hand and racing for the voting buttons.

The Doctor was quick to panic once he realized what Amy wanted to do. "Amy, no!" he went after them but he didn't make it in time. Amy had brought Liz's hand down on the 'abdicate' button. "AMY!"

The creature bellowed underneath them, rocking the entire ship.

The Doctor nearly fell back if he hadn't caught onto pillar. Renata's arms flailed trying to keep the children around her from falling back.

"AMY!" she yelled as upset as the Doctor.

Gabby had managed not to smack face-first to the ground, but she wasn't the same as the Time Lords. "No, let her! She's figured it out!" She had no doubt that Amy realized something none of them had. She would never put them all in danger like this. She didn't seem the type.

Amy laughed as if agreeing with Gabby. The ship slowly stopped shaking and actually returned to normal...with a few differences.

"We've increased speed," Hawthorne was stunned as he looked over their readings.

"Yeah, well, you've stopped torturing the pilot! Gotta help!" Amy dramatically flapped her hands around the room.

"It's still here? I don't understand," Liz moved over to Hawthorne's side to see the readings herself.

"The Star Whale didn't come like a miracle all those years ago. It volunteered!" Amy began to explain, growing more excited by the second. "You didn't have to trap it or torture it - that was all just you. It came because it couldn't stand to watch your children cry. What if you were really old, and really kind and alone? Your whole race was dead, no future. What couldn't you do then?" Amy started making her way towards the Doctor, her smile softening as she took in his guilty face for not realizing it before. "If you were that old, and that kind, and the very last of your kind...you couldn't just stand there and watch children cry." And just to really make her point, she purposely nodded at Renata who was surrounded by the children.

"Oh, she's good," Gabby smiled proudly at Amy.

~ 0 ~

Once everything was settled on the ship, Renata and the Doctor found it easy to slip away from the crowd. They'd wandered to the observation deck where they found such a beautiful sight of a starry space.

"It's funny how times change," Renata's soft voice broke their mutual silent wacth. "Last time I saw stars...we were fighting the Master. And we were hiding in a Vinvocci ship. Oh, and the world was ending." She let silence pass between them again when it truly donned on her where they were a short while ago, and what they were doing. "That was two days ago."

The Doctor said nothing at first as he reached for Renata's hand. "Two days ago seems like a very long time ago."

Renata side-glanced him with a small smile across her lips. "Doesn't it? Now we're here," she squeezed her hand around his and faced the stars again. "Looking at some stars, on a ship with a creature driving it…"

"Flying it, technically," the Doctor couldn't help make the correction but instead of getting annoyed, Renata chuckled.

"Flying it," she amended.

The Doctor gripped her hand again, licking his lips nervously as he turned to her and gently using their interlocked hands to turn her as well. "Renée, I don't know why I forgot about it but...would you consider connecting telepathically?" Renata's eyebrows slowly raised, her expression giving him the impression she would refuse. "I-I know we did it temporarily twice but this time, if you'd like, we-we could...officially do it. I would understand if you think it's too early, but...if I may give my opinion?"

Renata chuckled. "When don't you?"

He agreed with a sideways tilt. "Right. We've only just started a relationship but the truth is we've known each other far longer. What happened between us...it's been a long story. I've known you for my entire life even if I've only seen you in three of my incarnations. Most of my thoughts you know anyways, but I'd like it if you could see every part of me. Who knows, maybe if you see what really goes through my head you might realize I'm no good. But at least you'll have known who I really am."

"I know you," Renata said matter-of-factly. She slipped her hand out of his to bring it up to his cheek. "I've always known who you are. Of course I know I don't know all of your thoughts, or every you, but I know you. I know who you are." She stepped closer to him, leaving barely any space between them. "I would love to finally connect our minds. Who knows, you might see the real me…"

"I know you," the Doctor clarified just like she had. "My Gala."

Renata let out a small gasp at his brief Gallifreyan use. The last time she heard him say her true name in their language was centuries ago, too many centuries ago. "My Theta." The Gallifreyan just tumbled out but before the Doctor could fully process it, she'd pulled him to her for a kiss.

Their minds slowly opened to one another, inciting a slow, passionate kiss that they hadn't really shared yet. Memories from each other flooded their minds, ones that they knew - that they were both a part of - and others that were new. No secrets would be left uncovered because that was a thing of the past, something they promised each other going forwards.

~0~

By the time Gabby and Amy realized they were missing their drivers, Renata and the Doctor were already waiting for them by the TARDIS.

Amy nervously carried Liz's porcelain mask in her hands and held it out for the pair to take. "From Her Majesty. She says there will be no more secrets on Starship UK."

"My type of monarchy," Renata gingerly took the mask into her hands. "And leadership in general."

Amy smiled but anyone could tell she was bursting with questions about her stay.

"Amy, you could have killed everyone on this ship," the Doctor was the one to break the terse silence.

"You could have killed a Star Whale," she countered.

"And you saved it. I know, I know."

Renata curled her arm around the Doctor's arm and smiled at Any that kind, warm smile she'd gotten as a child. It was the one that told Amy things would be okay. "We're sorry. We may have rudely snapped. That happens sometimes."

At this familiar words, Amy glanced at Gabby and shared a knowing smile together.

"Why do I feel like we're missing something?" the Doctor asked Renata as he watched the two humans.

"Because you always do."

"Oi!"

"Don't worry, Doctor," Gabby put an arm around Amy's shoulders. "I've just been giving Amy some insight into the life in the TARDIS."

"You would," Renata gave her companion a proud smile.

"I wanted to be like Donna when I first came aboard," Gabby admitted and for a moment she, Renata and the Doctor dedicated a moment of silence to their missing friend, Donna Noble. She would forever leave a scar in their hearts.

"Thanks Gabby," Amy genuinely thanked her new friend because otherwise she may not have made it this first trip.

"Gabbs, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings," the Doctor said once he remembered the terrible look in Gabby's eyes after making his human remark.

Gabby shook her head with a chuckle as she came to give him a hug. "I like to think that I know you enough for these types of situations!"

"Still," he dropped a kiss to her head. "You're family. We don't fight."

Renata barely controlled the urge to scoff when she thought about her family. "We should go. I think we could all use nice baths."

"Mhm!" Gabby pulled away from the Doctor. "I've got some nice bath bombs, Amy! Bet you've never seen a bath bomb that shoots images into the air!"

"What?" Amy's eyes widened, making the others laugh.

"I bet you'll like the one with stars! My favorite is the butterfly one!" Gabby motioned to be followed in as she hurried into the TARDIS.

"Don't forget we need to run tests on you!" Renata called after the girl but it didn't seem like Gabby had heard.

Amy chuckled. "Do you always act like a Mum?"

Renata blinked at her and for a moment it looked like she would be saying something but instead she looked at the Doctor. "Why do they all say that?"

Now the Doctor laughed. "You really haven't figured it out?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh forget it." She turned around and disappeared into the TARDIS.

"Come along, Pond! Big day tomorrow!" the Doctor nodded at the TARDIS and missed Amy's wide eyed expression.

"Sorry, what?"

"It's always a big day tomorrow. We've got a time machine. I skip the little ones."

Amy found her breath once she realized he wasn't talking about her wedding. Her wedding. She shook her head and followed the Doctor inside. Renata and Gabby had no doubt disappeared into the corridors which gave Amy a motivation to ask, "You know what I said about getting back for tomorrow morning...have you ever run away from something because you were scared, or not ready, or just...just because you could?"

"Once...a long time ago," the Doctor came straight to the console. He started the TARDIS up and brought them into the Vortex.

"What happened?"

He turned with a smile. "Hello!"

Amy laughed. "Is that how Renata left too? Because I really can't picture that, you know."

The Doctor's smile faltered but it returned just as quick when he remembered how it was that she came aboard the TARDIS. That might make a good story for Amy. "Actually, I kidnapped Renata, stole her right off 1969."

Amy's eyes bugged out but there was a clear doubt on her face, only further confirmed by her scoff. "No way!"

"Yeah, I did! Nicked her off the ground and threw her over my shoulder!"

"Please, don't sound so regretful," Renata appeared by the corridor threshold, arms crossed and with a mock glare on the culprit. "I should've had the Shadow Proclamation on you when I had the chance!"

The Doctor just smirked proudly as he gave a little spin.

It was then that Amy realized he had not been kidding. "Wait, this actually happened!?"

"Oh yeah!" the Doctor said, once again spinning as he made a round on the console.

"Seriously, at least try to look a little sorry!" Renata walked up the glass steps to the console.

"Why would I be?" the Doctor stopped to smirk at her.

Renata mock-glared again and shook her head. "Amy, go on. Gabriella found the bath bombs." Amy nodded and hurried towards the corridor. "Not even going to apologize then?" she continued with the Doctor, but judging by his proud smile the answer was a no.

"I used to want to but now I changed my mind!"

"You're evil!"

"Smart!"

Amy laughed. "Okay, that's seriously funny!" And kind of romantic. She wouldn't mind if the same thing happened to her.

[chain-unchained]

December 12 - Part 4

Guys this part is ridiculously long and I am so sorry. I never meant to drag this out for this long and I just wanted to get it done. It’s important to the plot but I will be glad to get back to soft fluff. Anyway, hope you can enjoy this long ass read!

The spirits must have been on their side that day, for the impact of the Slime didn’t kill them outright. There was time to cut them free, and then he could hopefully use a warp totem to get them all out before the mine came crashing down upon their heads.

‘Just stay calm. You’ve trained with Marlon, you can do this.’

He held his sword aloft before him, then dashed in and cleaved the slime in two. Thus divided, it split into two smaller but still large slimes—Sam and Abigail were trapped in one, Sebastian in the other.

From the split also came several much smaller blobs, which eagerly latched onto Ashe’s legs in their fervent attempts to hug him.  The more he cut the big one, the more smaller ones popped out and clung to him. In seconds, he had dozens of them weighing down his limbs; he couldn’t even move.

“No, please—let go!” He was begging, desperate, and he didn’t care. “Please!!!”

His friends were just one cut away from freedom, and they were just out of his reach. The quaking was unbelievable, and with the weight of the little slimes on his body he lost his balance and fell to his hands and knees.

And then came forth dozens of monsters from deeper within the mine; it was seconds that felt like minutes later that he was deafened by the sound of the ceiling and walls collapsing from where the monsters had fled.

A piece of the rocky walls dislodged and struck him on the back, knocking him flat down to the earth and pinning him there. The wind was knocked from his lungs, and his sword tumbled from his grip.

‘Is this it?’

It was impossible to get his breath back. The rock on his back crushed his chest more each time he tried. The larger slimes carrying his friends danced in a panic just out of his reach as more chunks of the walls and ceiling came crashing down around them.

‘I really just got us all killed by slimes... It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have ever brought them here with me.’ His head drooped, his cheek resting against the uncomfortably warm earth. For a brief moment, he could smell the forest. ‘I’m sorry guys… I’m sorry Shane... I'm sorry Mom… and Grandpa… Am I… gonna be reincarnated as a slime…?’

 ####

 The world had gone dark, but now was swimming back into view. A clinical white ceiling greeted Ashe as he forced his heavy eyes open; his eyelids felt bruised. Actually, his entire body felt like it was just one massive bruise.

‘I’m… at the clinic?’

Gingerly, he sat up and looked around. The other beds in the recovery room bore Sebastian, Sam, and Abigail—all breathing. All alive. He sighed, relieved.

“…and that’s how I found them. Just like that.”

He heard Marlon speaking beyond the curtain dividers, and could faintly make out his silhouette along with Maru’s through them. They both spoke in hushed voices; Marlon was as composed and calm as ever, while Maru seemed to be borderline panicking.

“Thank Yoba that you did!” She wrung her hands anxiously. “Of course this happens on the one day Harvey’s not here.”

“Strange, that. He’s not one to leave town.”

“I know. But there’s a seminar being held in Zuzu City that he said he couldn’t miss.” The wringing intensified.  “This is a worst-case scenario.”

“Were their injuries that severe?”

“No, somehow—bumps, cuts, scrapes, bruises, and Sebastian managed to break his foot. But I’m not—I’m only an assistant. I’m not qualified to administer any aid without Harvey present.”

“A bit late to worry about that now. Besides, you seemed to know what you were doing to me.”

“I mean—I have a basic understanding of first aid, but like I said, I’m not allowed to perform it without Harvey being here.”

Ashe’s shoulders slumped as he looked down at his lap. He’d gotten so many people involved in this mess. Gotten his friends hurt, and almost killed. Put Maru at risk of losing her job.

The curtains abruptly were tugged open, and he jumped a little.

“Oh—you’re awake!” Maru sounded relieved, though still anxious. “Thank Yoba. How do you feel?”

“Uh—f-fine,” he fibbed with a meek smile, “just fine.”

He looked to Marlon, and the smile faded. The old swordsman’s face was as stoic as it ever was, but he could see the disappointment in his eyes.

“Never thought you’d lose to a slime, of all things. I suppose there’s a first time for everything, though.”

Ouch. That stung.

Across from his bed, Sebastian began to stir, and Maru quickly rushed to her half-brother’s side. “Sebastian…?”

“Ugh…” He groaned and lightly pushed her face away. “Give me a little space, would you?”

“Oh, Sebastian!”

Without warning she flung her arms around him in a tight hug. “I was so scared! I thought you were going to die!”

“Fuck’s sake—why does everyone try to choke me—” He tried in vain to pry her off of him. “Why the hell do you care, anyway?”

“What do you mean, why do I care?!” She pulled back, an angry expression on her tearful face. “You’re my big brother, of course I’m going to care about what happens to you!”

A flicker of guilt flashed across Sebastian’s face, and he looked away. “… Half brother.”

“Oh my Y—like that matters! Geez! You could at least apologize for scaring me and mom half to death!”

“I didn’t ask you to worry ab—” He stopped mid sentence. “You told mom?”

“Well, yeah!” She curled into herself a bit. “I kinda panicked and… maybe called Jodi too. And Caroline.”

“Yoba damnit,” he rubbed his forehead, “it’s not Mom’s business what I do. It’s not any of our mom’s business.”

Maru poked her fingers together. “I know. Look, I’m sorry, but I just—panicked, like I said. Harvey’s not here, and I didn’t know what to do. Besides, they were going to find out eventually, and they’d be even more upset then.”

“Shit, our moms are gonna finish the job for the slimes.” Sam had been awake for a minute at that point, just lying there listening to things play out as he came to.

Same for Abigail, who pushed herself to sit. “Well, fat lot of good putting fake names in the logbook did,” she said in a deadpan voice. “It’s been nice knowing you guys. Any second now they’re going to come bursting in through the door.”

“Er, actually… they’re in the waiting room.”

“Great.” She looked to Sebastian and Sam. “Might as well get it over with.”

Looking somewhat apologetic, Maru stepped out to fetch their mothers. There was a heavy air hanging in the room. It was awful.

“… How did you know we were in trouble?” Ashe asked of Marlon, who was still standing off to the side.

“Rasmodius reached out to me. Apparently the Junimos asked him to help you, and he in turn asked me.”

To say it was surprising was an understatement. Ashe didn’t think that the little spirits cared all that much for him, especially not since he hadn’t done much to fulfill their requests yet—

Once again the curtains were yanked abruptly open. There stood Robin, and Jodi, and Caroline, all wearing the look of mother bears on the rampage in search of their cubs. Terrifying didn’t even begin to describe the aura radiating from them.

“What were you thinking—”

“You nearly got yourselves killed—”

“How many times have I told you how dangerous those mines are—”

Their voices all overlapped in their attempts to admonish their children. There was no doubt that they were relieved to see them alive and well—the fact that they were so incensed was proof of that.

The heavy ball of guilt weighing down Ashe’s stomach compelled him to speak above them. “It’s not their fault.” In that instant, all their heads snapped to look at him instead of their children, and memories of such reprimands by his own mother flashed in his minds’ eye. “It’s mine,” he continued, somehow managing to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. “I’m the one who brought them into the mines with me.”

“Wh—it is not your fault, Ashe,” Sam insisted emphatically.

Sebastian nodded. “We’re the ones who asked to come along.”

“And I’m the one who got us into that situation,” added Abigail. “You told us that it was dangerous.”

There was a long moment of silence—awkward, heavy, painful silence. It was broken by the sound of Harvey all but skidding into the recovery room, looking mightily disheveled and thoroughly winded.

“Dr. Harvey!” Maru was relieved, and quickly sought shelter behind him.

“Ladies—” Hastily he attempted to straighten his lopsided tie and glasses, “I understand that you are concerned for their wellbeing, but I cannot allow you to stress my patients out. Much less before I’ve been able to examine them myself.”

“How can you expect us to be calm about all of this?” Robin gestured angrily towards her son, who was lying there with a look that begged to be put out of his misery. “We’ve told them countless times how dangerous those mines are, and they still went in!”

Harvey chose his words carefully. “With all due respect… they may be your children, but they are no longer children. At some point, you have to allow them to make their own decisions. Even if they still live under your roof. If you don’t, then they will be pressured into doing things like this behind your back.” He cleared his throat. “Now, please. I need to be able to examine them myself. Maru, could you bring them back to the waiting room?”

His tone left no room for arguments, and they reluctantly followed Maru out of the recovery area and back to reception. The four in the beds were stunned.

“Uh… Thanks for sticking up for us like that,” Sam said as the doctor pulled his wheely stool over to Sebastian’s bed.

“Hm? Oh, there’s no need to thank me for that. I only did what I felt was in your best interests as my patients.” With a faint smile curling up the ends of his mustache Harvey started to examine Sebastian. “I only got a little bit of the story over the phone with Maru—what exactly happened?”

Ashe swallowed guiltily, and began to recount the misadventure to him before the others could. Harvey just listened and nodded his head, moving from examining Sebastian to setting his broken foot in a cast. For a mercy, it was a brief summary. “… and Marlon brought us here,” he finished in a soft voice, picking at the thin white blanket covering his legs. “That’s pretty much it.”

“Well,” Harvey scooted over to Sam, “we can thank Yoba that things weren’t any worse. They could very well have been.”

Ashe cast his eyes back down to his lap. “I’m sorry…”

           “I didn’t say it to guilt you.” He smiled again. “Rather the opposite; there’s no need to dwell on what might have been. You’re all alive and safe now, and that’s what matters. That being said,” he swiveled around to Abigail’s bed, “it might be a good idea to stay out of the mines for the time being.”

“That won’t be an issue.” Marlon finally spoke again. “There was a massive collapse in the lower levels. Joja will want to close the mines to the public indefinitely.”

“Well there we go then.”

After a minute, it was Ashe’s turn, and he sullenly allowed Harvey to give him a thorough once-over. All he’d wanted was to fix up the community center; he didn’t want to put anyone in danger.

‘But that’s not really true. What I really wanted was something to distract myself from thinking.’ The community center was just a means to an end, an excuse. And maybe, just maybe… maybe he’d hoped something like this would have happened. Maybe he’d really hoped that one of these times he wouldn’t end up coming out of the mines.

As soon as that thought came into his mind, he physically shook it away, earning himself quite a look from Harvey. ‘That’s not true! Not even a little! I’m only thinking like this because I feel so guilty.’ He looked down at his hands resting on his lap. Abby had been right; he couldn’t keep carrying on like this. It was tearing him apart.

After a few more minutes, Harvey was satisfied that Sebastian’s broken foot was the most severe injury among the four. He still needed to set the man up with a pair of crutches and show him how to use them, but was content to let the rest filter out of the recovery area and towards reception.

“Ugh, I’m not looking forward to getting home…” Sam’s voice dripped with dread. “Even if Mom listens to what Harvey said, it’s still gonna be awkward as hell. She’s probably gonna want me to pay for my bill.”

Abigail’s face fell at the thought. “Ugh, tell me about it. And we didn’t even get to bring back anything from the mines so we don’t have anything we can sell.”

Well, there was something that Ashe could do to start repairing the damage he’d caused. With the both of them lulling behind him, he pushed the swinging doors to reception open.

The mothers’ heads popped up at the sound, and the conversation they’d been having ceased at once. There was a sort of muted look on each of their faces, and Caroline and Jodi rose to give their kids what was a much-needed hug.

“Harvey’s helping Sebastian with crutches,” Ashe said to Robin, who had gone a bit pale when she saw that her son was not among them. “And, um… I’d like to pay for everyone’s medical bills.”

Surprise flickered across the faces of everyone in the room. He could see that Sam and Abby were opening their mouths to protest his offer, and so he hastily added, “It’s the least I can do.”

“Honey, the thought is appreciated,” Caroline put her hand on his shoulder, “but the bills are already taken care of. Just please, be more careful next time.” She turned to her daughter. “Let’s go, Abigail. We have a lot we need to talk about…”

One by one Ashe watched his friends file out of the clinic with their mothers. He did his best to put on a smile and wave them off; after all, they were able to leave on their own two feet (well, Sebastian on one). That was worth smiling about, wasn’t it?

“Are you gonna be okay?” Maru asked as he turned to pay for his own bill. “To walk home, I mean.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, still managing to smile, “I’ll be fine—”

No sooner had the door swung closed behind Jodi did it swing back open. “Ashe?” panted Shane, his face red from exertion and the cold of the evening air. He was still in his Joja uniform, which was disheveled from his haste to get to the clinic from the mart.

“Shane?” Ashe’s eyes widened in surprise as he turned to face him. They only widened further as the man strode forward and folded him into a gentle hug.

“Thank fuck…” he whispered in between breaths. He was shaking. “Maru made it sound like you were on your deathbed.”

“Oh, er—” Behind the counter, Maru fidgeted guiltily. “Sorry.”

A new lump formed in Ashe’s throat, taking the place of his voice so he couldn’t speak. It hit him in that moment just how differently things could have turned out, and how happy he was to see Shane again.

“I-I…” His chin quivered, and tears began to well up in his eyes as he brought his arms up to squeeze Shane back. “I-I’m sorry…!”

 ####

 It was a slow walk back to the farm. Shane insisted on it, wanting Ashe to take it easy despite his insistence that he was just a little sore.

“Easy, easy does it,” the older man coaxed, helping Ashe up the front stairs—it was at that point that the pain really was catching up to him, and it showed. “I’ve got you.”

“Th-thanks…”

The stairs cleared, Shane held the door open for him. It was pleasantly warm inside the farmhouse, a welcome change from the bitter cold. Mr. Blue jumped over the back of the couch to greet them as they stepped inside, wending his way through both of their legs with audible purrs.

“I think he was worried about you.” Shane carefully nudged the orange cat out from around their feet so they could make it over to the couch. “Where do you keep your medicine and shit?”

With a wince Ashe let himself be lowered onto the cushions, the pain easing up just a touch when he did. “Uh… in the kitchen. Top left drawer next to the sink.”

“Okay. Sit tight.”

Ashe watched him root around in the drawer. “What are you looking for?”

“What do you think, dweeb? I’m looking for pain killers.” Shane looked at him. “You’re hurting pretty good, and don’t even try to deny it.” His fingers closed around what he was looking for, and he brought two small tablets back to Ashe along with a glass of water. “Here.”

“Oh, uh—thank you…” Ashe popped them into his mouth and took a sip of the water to help them down. “… I, um… I’m sorry.” He mumbled into the glass.

“You already said that, you know. Three times. On the way here.” Shane sighed and shook his head. “Seriously, what am I gonna do with you?”

“… I don’t know.” Setting the glass on the end table to his left, Ashe tugged his knees up against his chest and buried his face into them.

After a moment, Shane took the cushion next to him. “Ashe, what’s really going on here?” He asked. “There’s obviously something bothering you and making you not act like yourself.”

Silence. Then, “I miss her…”

“Your mom?” He wrapped an arm around Ashe’s shoulders as the farmer gave a tiny nod of his head. “I had a feeling. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I-I do, b-but… I-I’m scared that it’s gonna mess up your recovery somehow…”

“Bud, that’s not—those two things have nothing to do with each other. Seriously. And even if they did,” he gave a gentle squeeze, mindful of Ashe’s soreness, “I’m in a place now where I can handle it. And that’s got a lot to do with you. I’m not gonna force you to talk about it if you really don’t want to, but I’m here for you. You can lean on me for this.”

More silence. “I don’t remember what that’s like…” He sniffled, trying his hardest not to start bawling again. “I-I was taking care of Mom for so long that I forgot how to rely on others.”

“She was sick, right?”

“Y-Yeah. Cancer. I ended up taking her place at Joja so she could stay on their insurance.” There was another pause as he drew a deep shuddering breath. “I-I didn’t even get to attend her funeral. My b-boss wouldn’t give me the day off for it. It was the worst way to start the year.”

“Wait, this happened on New Years? This year?”

Ashe nodded again. “I-I didn’t really… y’know, have a chance to process any of it. Work, work work. And then I remembered Grandpa’s envelope, and… I came here. It was nice, having so much to do and people to distract me from… everything. But I can’t ignore winter no matter how hard I try…”

His voice broke, and the tears that he’d been trying so hard to hold back burst forth. “I-It’s not fair! She was all I had! I was all she had! A-And I was working so much that I couldn’t even be there for her most of the time! I had to watch her waste away from a distance! And now Joja wants to take even more way from me! It’s not fair! It’s not fair!!!!”

The room became filled with his anguished sobs, and Shane gently pulled him into another hug. “It’s not, you’re right. It never is.”

For what felt like forever, Ashe cried. He cried out the feelings that he’d kept pent up over the year. And when he had no more tears left to shed, he rested against Shane, completely spent.

“Did that help at all?” Shane’s voice was low and soothing as he brushed the bangs from Ashe’s face.

“… I don’t know…”

“That’s fine. It takes time.” He held him close. “Look, if you feel like you need to cry, come and cry on me. Okay? Doesn’t matter when or where it is.”

It took a moment, but Ashe nodded. He wondered if this was what Shane felt like when he was looking out at those cliffs on that rainy day…  

[tanzaniiite]

the one that got away // kaminari x reader

requests: OPEN

warnings: nsfw-ish. oh no! i spilled all the angst! oh, cursing.

word count: 1,890

song inspo: “The One That Got Away” by Katy Perry, yup it’s a song fic

a/n: fun fact; i use to hate song fics, now i love them lol. also (F/L/N) = first letter of name

summer after high school, when we first met

Kaminari stared at you in awe as you expertly balanced several plates on both arms. “Careful Denki, you might slobber all over the menu" Sero joked, as he watched his friend drool over the new waitress. The blonde snapped out of his daze and glared slightly at the goofball in front of him. “Shut up dude. Look at her, she’s gorgeous!” He exclaimed, turning around to find you again. Sero rolled his eyes, “Bro, you say that about every girl. Plus you’re a hero now, you have a reputation to keep up” He lightly scolded, shaking his head. Kaminari groaned, “Ugh, you sound like Aizawa” He stated, still watching you take other people’s orders. The raven-haired man laughed, “I can see the tabloids now: New hero.. horny as fuck!” He joked. Kaminari turned back to his best friend, “Shut. Up.” He seethed, full-on glaring now. Sero blinked before laughing loudly, “Was I suppose to take that baby glare seriously?!” He asked rhetorically, his laughter now roaring throughout the diner. You turned to see where all the commotion was coming from and smiled slightly, ‘They seem interesting’ You thought, making your way to their table.

“Hello I’m Y/n, I’ll be serving you today. Can I start you boys off with some drinks?”

we make-out in your mustang to Radiohead

You straddle Kaminari and grind against him slightly as you kiss his neck and leave serval marks for the world to see. The blonde underneath you groans in pleasure as his hands go under your shirt and squeeze your chest. You let out a breathy laugh, “You’re such a pervert” You joke, pulling away to look at your boyfriend. Kaminari grinned at you, “But I’m your pervert- wait no. I’m not a pervert” He stated, trying to fix his mistake. You laughed loudly, leaning your weight onto him in the process, “I’m joking babe!” You said, still laughing and he started laughing with you. You guys were still in the early stages of your relationship, so you were both feeling your way around. Your laughter slowed into giggles as you pushed his bangs out of his face and cupped his cheeks. “God you’re so cute,” You said, squishing his cheeks together and pecking his lips. “What? Don’t you find me sexy? Irresistible?” He asked, pouting slightly. You giggled some more, “Of course I do. I just.. I don’t know how I got so lucky” You sighed, smiling slightly. Kaminari shook his head, “No, I’m the lucky one. I basically won the lotto” He stated.

and on my eighteenth birthday, we got matching tattoos

“Oh my god Denki, you’re such a baby. They didn’t even start yet” You teased, looking at your boyfriend, who was already bawling his eyes out. Kaminari whipped his head to look at you, “I’m afraid of needles! You know this!” He cried, tensing as the tattoo artist approached him. “Babe, you’re only getting an (F/L/N). See I already got my K” You explained, holding up your wrist. “I’m sorry, I can’t. I feel like I’m gonna pass out” He stated, pushing his hair back. You roll your eyes playfully, “Okay okay my big baby, a permeant marker will have to do” You said, getting up from the chair and kissing his forehead gingerly. “Please never take me to a place with needles ever again” The blonde begged, holding your hand and kissing it repeatedly. You chuckled and caressed his cheek, “Oh baby.. you have a doctor’s appointment next week” You said, breaking the news as lightly as possible. You felt bad for laughing as Kaminari’s face turned into a horrified expression.

used to steal your parent’s liquor and climb on the roof, talk about the future like we had a clue

“So, do you think you’ll make it to the top ten Pro-Hero list?” You asked, your head on Kaminari’s shoulder as you both watched the sunset slowly. The blonde shrugged, “Once upon a time, I thought I would but.. I’m not as good as Deku, Shoto, Ground-Zero, etc. I’m just happy to be a Pro-Hero y’know?” He stated, looking at the neighborhood kids playing tag. You nodded slightly, “Well if it matters, you’ll always be my number one hero,” You said, grazing your thumb over his knuckles. Kaminari paused and looked at you, “Really?” He whispered. Your face immediately heated up, “Oh my god, that was so cheesy. I’m sorry” You apologized, as you took a huge swig of beer. Your boyfriend laughed slightly, “No no, it’s cheesy don’t get me wrong. But I like cheesy” He said, kissing your nose, laughing again when your face scrunched up. You blushed more, staring intently at the roof tiles of your house, “Whatever man” You mumbled. Kaminari kissed your cheek and whispered in your ear, “If I had to be anyone’s hero, I’m glad I’m yours”.

never planned that one day i’d be losing you

Distance. That’s what was growing between you and your goofball of a boyfriend. The honeymoon stage was officially over, you thought it would never end given that you guys have been together for a solid year and a half. But the crime rate was increasing and with that so was Kaminari’s workload. You understood that a hero’s work never really stopped but he has vacation days, why wouldn’t he use them? You knew he just wanted to help, to feel useful but you felt useless. You felt like you were just an object in his life, he comes home to your shared apartment so late, every day. And every day you wait for him, worried sick that a villain might do more than just rough him up. And what do you get in return? A simple “Hey babe” or a light peck to the cheek.

You don’t mean to be ungrateful but would it kill him to take a day or two off. One day to rest and the other day to spend time with you. It didn’t feel like you were living with him, you practically lived by yourself. He came home late in the night just to leave again in the wee hours of the morning. And this is frustrating, you were frustrated. This leads to fights that never seemed to end. You tried explaining to him how you felt and how he shouldn’t work himself to the brink of exhaustion. Does he listen? No. Instead, he brushes you off, calls you clingy and needy. Ha! As if he wasn’t the one begging you for a quickie in the morning right before he left for the whole day.

To put it simply; you just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Y/n… what are you doing?” Kaminari asked as he walked into your guy’s bedroom. “Packing.” You answered sharply, shoving a bunch of clothes into a small suitcase. “Why? Did you plan a trip? I can’t go, you know my workload-“ He started. “Is heavy. I know” You replied, curling your fists ever so slightly. “And this is not a trip, I’m going to stay with a friend for a while,” You said, zipping the suitcase and taking it off the bed. “What for?” The blonde asked. You grit your teeth, could he be any more of an idiot? But god, did you love this idiot. “I don’t know Kaminari, you tell me,” You said, finally facing him and crossing your arms. He flinched slightly at the use of his last name, “Um, I don’t know babe” He said, turning around to take off his hero costume.

You bit your tongue, to stop yourself from saying something harsh. “We barely spend any time together. You come home so late and leave so early, I might as well live by myself at this point. You clearly don’t take my feelings into consideration given the fact that you haven’t taken a day off in down there a year-“ You rambled, combing your fingers through your hair as you walked around the room. “Babe. You know what I do for a living, I can’t just take a day off. That’s not how it works” The blonde stated, looking at you. You laughed bitterly, “That’s exactly how it works. You’re not the only Pro-Hero Denki, the world won’t fall apart if you take a day off” You explained. Kaminari stared at you for a bit before shaking his head and resuming to take off his costume. “See? This is the shit I’m talking about, you’re not listening to me” You say, glaring at him.

“I am listening to you. But you’re not making sense, you knew what I did way before we started dating. This isn’t something I just sprung onto you out of nowhere. You know this” He said plainly, before changing into pajamas and walking into the bathroom. You followed him, “I understand what you do and why you do it. What I don’t understand is the harm of you taking a day off to tend to yourself? To tend to me?” You asked. The blonde rolled his eyes, something he rarely did, he was getting annoyed. “You have friends, if you want attention, hang out with them” He replied, picking up his toothbrush. “I can spend time with my friends forever. But they’re not you, Denki” You whispered, as tears stung your eyes. You were tired, so tired. All you wanted was to spend time with him, just one day. Was that really too much to ask for?

in another life, i would make you stay

You tried, you honestly tried. You loved this man so much, it hurt. But it hurt more that he didn’t seem to care. So you left, and in the back of your head, you hoped that he would chase after you. Try and stop you. Tell you that you were making a mistake, that he would change his ways if it meant that you stayed. And if he did any of that, you would’ve stayed. Because it would show that he cared. But he didn’t do any of that, not a single thing. He let you go, he let you walk out the door without putting up a fight. The blonde figured you were upset and wanted to give you space, he didn’t want to add fuel to the fire.

so i don’t have to say you were the one that got away

He wanted to give you time to cool off before he approached you. Too bad he didn’t get the chance to approach you again. There he sat, on the kitchen floor, reading a letter he thought was a figment of his imagination. Kaminari reread the letter over and over but no matter how many times he read it, the words never changed. You left. Yes, you were upset but you weren’t leaving to blow off steam, you were leaving for good. How could he be so stupid? The blonde covered his mouth as he choked back a sob, he was going to take off. He was going to spend a whole week with you, just you and nobody else. Kaminari saw the error in his ways and was trying to fix it by saving vacation days and picking up extra patrols. Just so he could take off a full consecutive week off. Damn, only if you had held out a little longer. Maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t have been…

the one that got away

[writing-reading-inspiring]

Matter Of The Heart (Tom Holland X Reader) - Chapter One

Summary: (y/n) doesn’t expect much more out of her life, mostly because it’s ending. However, she definitely didn’t expect to catch the eye of a famous actor who likes to visit the kids on her floor.

Warnings: diseases and medical issues are talked about, mentions of death, curse words

I woke up to the shining sun beaming in from the windows to the right of me, illuminating the entire room in a golden light. I could hear birds chirping as they welcomed the new day with gratitude and grace. Ugh, what show offs.

I grumpily pulled my personal duvet over my head, trying to block out the streams of light long enough to fall back to sleep. 

I knew I was supposed to be awake and that I would probably get shit about this from my doctor, but I really wanted to sleep. I mean, come on, who else doesn’t want to sleep in a few hours more than they’re supposed to.

I sighed in contentment when I was finally able to make it dark enough for me to drift back into sleep. Unfortunately, I was stirred again by a persistent knocking at my door. Damn it, Jade.

“Go away,” I gracefully responded with hair stuck in my mouth.

“You need to be up, (y/n). You have scheduled equipment today,” Jade replied, opening the door as she spoke.

Jade is one of my favorite nurses that works at the hospital. I, of course, would never tell her that, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

“But, it’s so early. Why can’t I ever just rest peacefully and undisturbed. You know medical professionals say to get eight hours of sleep, yet it’s the medical professionals that wake me up before I can get that.”

Jade rolled her eyes at me, “First of all, it’s 10:30 in the morning, so you should have gotten well past eight hours of sleep if you weren’t binge watching an entire season of Supernatural. Second of all, if we left you undisturbed, you would sleep till 5:00 at night and then the night crew would be very upset about having to take care of you on top of their patients who need 24/7 surveillance. So, stop being dramatic and get out of bed.”

I couldn’t help the small grimace that grew on my face as she spoke. We both knew she was right and I had no choice but to get up for the day.

“Fine, but only if I get at least an hour to myself today. I want the promise of not being watched every 10 minutes.”

Jade gave me a look of understanding while she set up her cart. Every morning, she would take my vitals to make sure everything was working right.

“I know it’s difficult, sweetie. You’re an 18 year old girl who doesn’t even get to step outside of the hospital without a nurse with you. It’s tough, but you have to understand that we’re only here to make sure you can live as long as you can. We need to watch you every 10 minutes to make sure that the world can have it’s beautiful (y/n) for as long as it can.”

Jade stopped prepping her needles and came to give me a hug. I sat up and held her back tightly, knowing that she spoke from her heart. That’s one of the things I loved about her and all of the other staff members at the hospital, they genuinely cared about the patients here.

She pulled back from me, giving me a smile as she went back to her cart. “Now then, let’s get you checked up so you can get dressed.”

I nodded at her and crawled to the end of the bed, putting out my arm for her to take my blood pressure. 

I knew by now what the routine was for the mornings. Blood pressure, temperature, heart beat, and blood samples. 

Every morning a nurse would come in and do these tests without fail. At night it’s similar, but I don’t get any blood work done. It’s then that they reconnect me to the heart monitor and put the IV back in me. The doctors want me to be hydrated as much as I can be, so they slowly have me receive saline when I’m sleeping.

Once Jade was done, she left me on my own to get changed, promising that she would be back in 10 minutes to make sure I got some food in me.

I looked through my suitcase, trying to find something comfortable for the day. I was very limited in what I could wear because of testing and the fact that I only can wear what fits in the suitcase. That’s why Aunt Avery exchanges my clothes every two weeks, so I can have different styles.

I grabbed a cute pair of black sweatpants and a white top to go along with it. I didn’t feel like having shoes on today, so I just put on a pair of socks.

Once I was done, I grabbed my phone from the bedside table. 

“Guys, please. I can’t answer all zero of my notifications at once.”

“That’s kinda sad, you realize that.”

I jumped at the sound of Jade’s voice from behind me. I turned around to face her only to see her silently laughing at me.

“Hey, I need to keep myself entertained. The best way to do that is to always keep up my amazing sense of humor, even when I’m alone. Besides, are you surprised I don’t have any texts? I live in the pediatric ward of a hospital.”

She only shook her head at me before placing a tray of food on the table.

“It’s still sad. Anyway, you need to eat before your echocardiogram.”

I sighed before complying. I’m so tired of laying down while doctors poke and prod me for answers. I mean come on, is it really that bad if I go outside just for a walk?

Jade left me to eat my eggs alone as she went to see another patient. 

“Well then, I guess it’s just you and me Mr. Goldberg,” I pitifully said while putting on You.

Every day at the hospital is just like the last. I do testing, then eat, do more testing, take a walk, maybe go to the day room, do even more testing, sleep, and repeat. I swear one day they’ll transfer me to the mental ward if they keep this up. 

I had just finished my eggs and episode six of season two when Jade came back in to see me.

“So, how was your breakfast? Are you still hungry?”

“I’m always hungry, you should know that by now. I’m satiated for now, but give it an hour or so. The food was good though.”

Jade gave me a smile and a small laugh before putting the food tray in a bin in the hallway for the janitors to take back to the cafeteria. 

“I know, I know, I’m such a comedian. Maybe I can do that for a living. You think the hospital would employ me?”

She laughed louder this time, putting her hands on my shoulder, prompting me to stand up.

“Come on, sweetie. It’s time for your echocardiogram. Maybe you can come up with new material while they do it.”

I put my hands over my heart in mock defense. “That hurts. That truly wounded me, Jade. I may need to request a new nurse.”

We continued to joke around as we made our way to the fourth floor where they have a cardiologist office.

“Ah, Miss (y/l/n), you’re here, finally,” Mrs. Denver told me as I walked through the door. I gave her a fake smile and rolled my eyes as she turned her back. She’s a very condescending woman.

Jade gave me a pointed look before squeezing my shoulder and leaving me to fend for myself. By now I know the routine. I do whatever tests Doctor Hasting wants me to do and then I’m free to roam the hospital until 1:30 when a nurse meets me in the cafeteria.

“Okay, here’s the dressing gown I need you to change into. You can wait in the last room on your left. The Doctor will meet you there in a minute, but you know that with all the times you’ve come here.”

I gave her another fake smile, “Thank you, Mrs. Denver.”

I made my way to the room she told me to go to and changed quickly. Ugh, this hospital gown does nothing for my figure. 

I sat down on the examining table and waited for about five minutes before Doctor Hasting arrived. 

“Hello, (y/n), are you ready for your echocardiogram?”

I nodded in response to her words, just wanting to get this over with quickly.

“That’s great and I have some good news for you. We only need to do one other test today, you’ll be done here in about an hour. So let's get started then.”

I sighed in relief before laying on my back as she started to prepare the machines. 

True to her word, I was able to leave after about an hour went by. She told me that she would give the information she gathered from my results to one of my nurses once all of the charts are printed. 

Smiling, I changed back into my sweatpants and t-shirt and said goodbye to the staff in the clinic. 

I made my way to the first level of the building, planning on walking in the garden. I was just about to reach the garden doors when I heard my name being called behind me. Shit.

“(y/n)! (y/n)! I know you can hear me.”

I turned around to face Jade. “Bro, this is some of my only alone time. I’m supposed to meet you in the cafeteria at 1:30.”

She gave me a pointed look, “Well, I’m sorry that I thought you might want to know that you’ve been cleared to visit other patients.”

My eyes widened at her news, “I can go see the kids? Are you being serious?”

She smiled brightly back at me while nodding her head, “You sure can, sweetheart. I know there’s some little patients that have been wanting to see you for the last three weeks.”

For the past month, I’ve been quarantined from the other patients. The doctors have had me pumped with medication that lowers my white blood count and makes it hard for my immune system to fight back any diseases. They figured that the best course of action would be to keep me away from other sick patients. 

I know it’s not cool to be excited to hang out with a bunch of kids in a pediatric ward, but I can't help it. They’re amazing kids who are insanely strong considering everything what they are being put through.

I also know that they absolutely love to see me. I mean, who can blame them though. They think it’s cool to be around an older girl and I get some hope back being around them.

“When can I see them?”

“Right now is preferred. There’s actually a very special guest arriving today, so you may not want to miss that.”

I kind of stopped paying attention after Jade told me that I could see the kids right now. 

I started walking towards the activity room, “Come on, what are you waiting for?”

Jade laughed at me before meeting me at my side, “You really love those kids don’t you?”

I scoffed, trying to act cool, “They’re okay. I mean okay for a bunch of snot ridden children.”

She rolled her eyes at me, bumping my shoulder. “I don’t blame you for caring about them. They’re good kids. They’re also very brave for facing their illnesses like they do. Kind of reminds me of a certain someone when they were younger.”

I lightly smile while looking away. I don’t remember much of my first hospital visit, but I was told I was unaffected by everything. I didn’t really understand my condition when I was 6, I only knew that I had lost my mom and brother. I do remember my second visit though. I was diagnosed then. It was hard for me to deal with, but I never let anyone know that. 

It’s still scary sometimes, knowing that I can die at any time. 

We had finally reached the activity room after a couple of minutes. 

The room was arranged strangely. All of the chairs and the couches were facing a huge open space at the front. I barely remember Jade mentioning a guest, but even when people do visit, they don’t usually rearrange the room. It takes too much time out of the faculties day. 

“(y/n)! You’re here!”

I quickly changed my focus to a little girl in a pink long-sleeved shirt, tutu, and crown.

“Luna! Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize I was in the presence of royalty. Hello, you’re majesty,” I finished with a curtsy and a wide smile on my face.

“You may stand,” Luna told me while I chuckled under my breath. She really is something else.

“How are you, princess?”

“I’m great. The doctor told me that the bad thing in my brain is going to go away soon.”

I couldn’t help the tears that began to pool in my eyes as I hugged her. “That’s amazing, Luna. That means you’re going to be all better,” I said, truly happy for her.

“Why were you gone so long?” 

She pulled away from my hug as she looked up at me. “I had to do a lot of tests and procedures for the doctors. The medicine they gave me made me really weak and made my monster protection kind of low. That’s why I couldn’t come see any of you.”

Luna jumped up and down, “That means you’re going to be all better too. My mommy always tells me when I have to meet with my doctors that the more I do it, the more I get better. You were gone a long time, so that must mean you’re close to being better too.”

I really didn’t know what to tell her. I know I wasn’t going to get better, but I couldn’t tell her that. She needs to have hope in all aspects of her life. 

I turned my head up to meet Jade’s eyes. She held so much sadness in them knowing that the only way I was getting out of the hospital was in a hearse. 

I quickly turned back to Luna, “That’s right, honey. But that doesn’t really matter right now. What’s important is that you’re going to be all better really soon.”

She smiled back at me, “You’re going to be healed soon too. James, Elena, William, Quinton! Did you hear (y/n)? She’s going to be better soon.”

I didn’t notice that some of the other kids gathered around Luna and I during our conversation.

I looked back at Jade, not knowing what to do.

Luckily, she saved me, “Come one kids. Our special guest is almost here. Lets get some seats in the front row, yeah?”

I nodded at her in gratitude as she lead the small group to some chairs.

“(y/n), are you coming?” Luna asked me.

“I’m actually going to stand in the back, okay? That way I don’t block any of your guy’s views.”

“Okay!”

I watched as Luna skipped to the front to meet with the rest of her friends. I really do love those kids.

I made my way to the back of the room as some more patients from the pediatric ward came in.

I’ve never seen this big of a turn out for one of these things. It’s kind of weird to be in a room of this many people.

I watched as the last of the kids arrived and took their seats.

Jade surveyed the room before standing in the open space at the front of the room. 

“Hello everybody. So, today we have a very special guest. Now, he’s going to be here any second so I want to say a few things. He came all the way from Queens to see all of you so I expect you all to be very nice and pay attention to our guest. Can you all do that?”

A chorus of ‘yes’s rang through the room.

I zoned out after Jade started to talk again. I knew I should probably listen to her, but I honestly didn’t care enough.

The guest speaker was probably some clown or mime coming to cheer up the kids. Then again, she did say the guest came all the way from queens. Maybe, it was some inspirational speaker.

A round of applause and the sound of excited cheers drew me out of my thoughts. I looked back at the front of the room to see what all of the commotion was about.

Is that … Spider-Man?

[juju-on-that-yeet]

Quiet Talks

Whumptober 2020 Day 7: I’ve Got You Prompt: Support

Summary: Silver and Dr. Iplier have a chat - in the middle of the night in Roxanne’s apartment, after Silver nearly bled to death. (continued from “When the Dust Settles”)

Warnings: Referenced injury

Read on AO3 (Full Whumptober 2020 series)

Enjoy!

~

Silver half-wakes up, too tired to open his eyes. His side throbs with dull pain. He’s in a bed, under a soft blanket, and he’s dressed in sweats instead of his super suit. There’s two voices talking near him, and if he concentrates, he can focus enough to understand them.

“Oh shoot, you’re staying, right? I only have this bed and one couch, um…”

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t plan on doing much sleeping. I’m gonna keep an eye on him since I don’t have any equipment to tell me if he ends up in distress.”

“Alright then, I guess…do you want coffee, or something?”

“Coffee would be great, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“No, it’s – I mean, are you kidding? You saved his life, the least you deserve is a coffee!”

“It’s my job to help people, and Silver’s my friend.”

“Still!”

If the conversation continues, Silver doesn’t hear it. He’s too tired to keep track, the bed he’s in is too soft and warm. He falls back asleep in moments.

~~~

When Silver wakes again, his mind is clearer. That’s the only thing that’s changed; he’s still in bed, still in sweats, his side still hurts. This time, he lets his eyes open – and remembers a moment too late that Dr. Iplier is probably in the room, and that he’s probably not too impressed.

“You’re awake, huh?” Dr. Iplier asks, quiet and stern.

“Yeah,” Silver mumbles, looking over at him. He’s sitting by Silver’s bed – Roxy’s bed, technically – in a desk chair. His arms are crossed, but his expression is calm.

There’s a silence. Neither seems to know what to say. Silver’s memory is hazy, but he does recall letting Roxanne call Dr. Iplier after he refused to be taken to the hospital. After all the trouble Silver’s gone through trying to keep Roxanne a secret, one bad injury forced him to reveal her to Dr. Iplier. There was still daylight when Silver got hurt, now it’s pitch dark. Pitch dark aside from the tiny desk lamp on Roxanne’s nightstand that Dr. Iplier must’ve turned on. Silver and Dr. Iplier stare at each other, and Silver tries to figure out what to address first.

“No one knows I’m here,” Dr. Iplier finally says, “I told Host to cover for me but I didn’t tell him where I am.”

Silver nods. That’s a good thing, that’s smart of him. And Dr. Iplier doesn’t even sound as angry as Silver thought he would. But then again…that could just mean that Silver’s on death’s door and Dr. Iplier doesn’t want to upset him.

“How…How bad am I?” Silver asks. Dr. Iplier frowns.

“You’re not gonna die,” he says, “Whoever stabbed you did a number on you, though. When I got here, you didn’t have a lot of time left. Roxanne said you wouldn’t let her get a hospital.”

Silver feels like a kid being scolded. He sinks into the pillow, nervous.

“Dark chewed me out last time I ended up in the hospital,” Silver reminds him, “He went on about how risky it was for one of us to get treated by humans, how they could find out what we are���”

“And this was the safer option?” Dr. Iplier asks, an edge to his voice.

“I thought so at the time,” Silver admits, “I mean…you came, didn’t you? You didn’t tell anyone about Roxy, did you?”

“No,” Dr. Iplier sighs, “I’m not…Am I the only one who knows?”

“No. Ed and King do, too.” Silver runs a hand over his face, exhausted from more than his injury. “They’re good at keeping secrets.”

“So are you, apparently.”

“So are you.”

More silence as the pair look at each other. Dr. Iplier finally sighs and shakes his head.

“Look, just, risk the hospital next time, alright?” Dr. Iplier asks, “Dark might chew you out, but he’s not gonna kill you. But if he found out about Roxanne–”

“Why do you think I try to keep her a secret?” Silver snaps. He sighs. “I mean, I know what you’re saying. But Dark…Doctor, Dark doesn’t seem to like you much either, but he at least respects you. He’ll listen to you and follow your advice.”

“Sometimes.”

“Sometimes is more than none. Dark doesn’t respect me at all. Neither does Wilford. I don’t…I don’t have any ground with them. What am I supposed to do but keep my head down? I’m sorry you got dragged into it, but if I had to do this again, I…I don’t think I’d make a different choice.”

A long pause. Silver doesn’t talk about things like this much, not even with Ed or King. He doesn’t often talk about the balance of power in Ego Inc. But he knows Dr. Iplier understands; he’s been around longer than Silver has. Dr. Iplier purses his lips.

“You’re out of the woods now,” Dr. Iplier finally says, “But it was pretty bad, Silver. And if you’d died, you might not have come back.”

“You can just say I’m unpopular,” Silver quips. Dr. Iplier snorts.

“Hey, I’m being serious here, doofus,” Dr. Iplier says, trying not to smile. He schools his expression with effort. “Silver, you really could’ve died while I was trying to fix you, or while I was on my way here–”

“But I didn’t!”

“But you could’ve,” Dr. Iplier snaps, “I know you, Silver, I know risk doesn’t faze you, but please just think for a moment. Just…understand that you were really damn close.” Dr. Iplier sighs, and when he speaks again, the fight has left his voice. “I know we don’t talk much when you’re not in my clinic, but I do care about you, you know.”

“I know,” Silver says, voice soft, “You…We’re family.”

Dr. Iplier grins.

“Hey, I already have one kid, I don’t need another.”

“No way, I’m not your kid!”

“I’m older than you, though.”

“Not by much!”

“By like five months; that’s pretty decent, Silver.”

The two are laughing now, though Silver tries to quiet himself, knowing that Roxanne must be trying to sleep.

“Oh, hey,” Silver says, “Is Roxy…I mean, how’s she doing? After everything.”

“Long answer is that she’s sleeping on the couch after worrying about you all night,” Dr. Iplier answers, “Short answer is that you’re gonna be the one sleeping on the couch once you’re better.”

“Ah, sounds about right,” Silver mumbles, blushing a little, “I sprung a lot on her today, huh?”

“You did,” Dr. Iplier affirms, “But really, she’s just glad you’re alright.” He smiles lightly. “She loves you a lot.”

“Yeah,” Silver says sheepishly, blushing even more, “I love her, too.”

“Also…” It’s Dr. Iplier’s turn to look sheepish. “Your name is Gabriel?”

“Ah, yeah…Did Roxy say it?”

“Mhm.” Dr. Iplier smiles again. “It suits you.”

“Thanks.” Silver smiles back. “I think I came up with it? It could’ve been the fans, I don’t know.”

“Well, I think it’s nice.” Dr. Iplier yawns. “Ugh, I think I need more coffee. Roxanne said I could make more if I needed, I think I’ll take her up on that…”

“Why can’t you just sleep?” Silver asks, “I thought you said I was out of the woods?”

“You are, but you never know.” Dr. Iplier rubs his eyes. “There’s no equipment here to monitor you, so I’m not taking any chances.”

“Oh,” Silver says quietly. It feels nice to be so cared for, so looked after.

“I’m gonna make myself more coffee,” Dr. Iplier says as he gets up from his chair. He affectionately squeezes Silver’s shoulder and grins. “Try not to die while I’m gone, alright?”

“I’ll do my best,” Silver replies, grinning back. He reaches over and squeezes Dr. Iplier’s wrist, returning the kind gesture.

When Dr. Iplier leaves, Silver realizes he’s exhausted, too. Without a conversation to keep his attention, his body wants to go right back to sleep. It helps that Silver feels safe, knowing that he’s not in danger, that Dr. Iplier’s looking after him. The pair of them aren’t that different, he realizes. They’re both willing to risk so much to help others. Silver’s going to have to make this up to Dr. Iplier somehow – and the thought almost makes him chuckle, because he knows exactly what Dr. Iplier would say to that. That it’s just his job, that Silver doesn’t have to worry about it. It’s not gonna stop Silver from making it up to him anyway, though.

Silver’s smiling when his eyes drift closed.

[anyu-blue]

~

I'm just venting here cuz I don't have anyone to really vent to right now.

I know I'm being 'too much' and 'over the top' again... I know I'm throwing a hissy fit I don't need to, and I recognize I'm hurting at least one person with it.

But God damn I'm pissed and I guess I want to be pissed.

There's so much I want to do and so much I feel obligated to do and more... A lot of what I want to do... I just don't have the energy for. I wanted to make all these custom cards for my family since I should be able to ship stuff out this week... But I pulled Everything out and found... I just really didn't want to put that effort in..I mean I REALLY do... But just... Everything was turning out terrible. I'm honestly shocked I managed the 14 for my ex's family for Christmas... I want to do it... But at the same time I don't.

Cuz what's the point? All that effort.. all that care.. when I could just buy them a stupid card instead. So I'll go buy them a card... Because my eldest and younger sister decided to head to the grocery store without me and now I have to steal the car right when I'm off work to do my own necessary shopping anyway (or risk not being able to go at all this week). All because they were nearly out of toilet paper and Tevie wanted to get me cash for her car insurance bill...

Now I wouldn't be so mad except... They didn't even ask if I had extra toilet paper in my bathroom, which I do. AND I told Tevie that she didn't have to worry- I have enough to cover the insurance for her car.

But no. She just HAD to go today so I could have the money by tomorrow when it pulls!!! Um... Tomorrow (technically today, now) is SUNDAY. How the FUCK am I supposed to deposit the $ into my account like she wants when it's a freaking Sunday?! Or or at all when uh.. she has the car until like... 7pm every day anyway?!

Uuuugh... I already told her too, I'm not depositing Anything unless I absolutely need to either. Which I don't cuz I just got paid. AND I told her her insurance will be a part of what she pays me (if she does) for all her other bills!! If I got it I got it. What part of that is so hard to understand?

Apparently all of it...

Or none of it, but it doesn't matter because she doesn't pay attention to stuff like that anyway. Literally just does whatever she wants.. and you know what? I know that's absolutely fine. Sure it inconveniences me because, well, I needed to go to the store too (and told her as such), and had nothing for dinner while they fed themselves again (didn't even ask me AND used a service I have/can get free stuff with if they use my account like I've asked EVERY SINGLE TIME we've EVER used it!!!). (Why did I EVER cook and feed them so much? I was 100% right in that they have no interest in doing the same. They BARELY cook for themselves!! And you can probably already guess what I'm going to say about it... It's all JUNK!!! Cheeto mac and cheese, ramen, air fried chicken and fries, microwaved meals- you should see our pantry right now. Almost entirely instant meals and it makes me want to vomit. What's not instant is the stuff I picked out/ingredients that have just sat since I stopped cooking.. you should see our FRIDGE right now!! Not a vegetable or fruit in sight!! It's all warm fruit cups for Tevie and idek what W0lfie eats to get her vitamins and nutrients- cuz the vitamins I bought haven't been touched except for by me, Though I told them it would be a good idea of they took some each week too.. I'd wager she doesn't!! And that's partly why she's so gd MISERABLE all the time!! She doesn't take care of herself!!)

But in reality it's whatever. Technically Tevie did nothing wrong. She's just living her life how she wants to live it. Who cares about wasting more gas? Apparently not Tevie even though she told me she did... Apparently that's out the window. Who cares about my needs? Apparently not Tevie Though I've been fighting with our property managers and walking her through every gd adulting problem she has (I'm even supposed to help her with her taxes AGAIN cuz she can't do it) and taking care of the house and all the paperwork and all the phonecalls and everything... So it's not like I've been looking out for her and our little sister at all 🙄 or thinking of them and trying to make THEIR lives easier or nothing.

They don't owe me anything obviously... Not even the requests I made of them to do particular adulting tasks on their own (like put in a simple maintenance request, or cover up the open window downstairs, or even buy the materials so I could take care of that stupid problem better than I already have with the shit we had on hand).... It's up to them if they want to follow through. And they don't. Like ever. Because it'll just be done by me because I actually DO care about how much our power bill is.. Tevie sait she does and then pulls that shit. W0lfie says she does and then pulls the shit like letting her room get ULTRA cold- which guess what happens when she opens her door for the day? You guessed it. The temp of the house goes down and the heat/furnace churns and chugs to make up for it.

I'm so FUCKING DONE.. but guess what? I CAN'T be. I'm not even supposed to be pissed about this stuff!! I'm the bad guy!! Because I'm mad!! Because I can't just let it go or deal with it quietly. Or not be a bother.

GOD DAMN IT I AM SO SICK OF BEING/GOING QUIETLY

I HAVE BEEN QUIET AND CALM AND SWEET AND WORKED MY ASS OFF IN THE WAYS I CAN FOR SO FUCKING LONG

I AM THE REASON THEY HAVE THE SHIT THEY DO!! THE ROOF OVER THEIR HEADS, TEVIE'S CAR, LOWER BILLS (not just because I pay my part, but because I literally put in all the work to make sure stuff is taken care of and that I don't use excess/as much as I want or need sometimes), PAID BILLS (EVERYTHING comes out of my account. I've asked Tevie to do it. Several times. To set it up or to even just pay it once or twice... Has she ever? No. Not even when I showed her how and offered to write it all down for the future- and still she comes back at me like 'well you put them in your name' like, bitch... The water bill HAD to be in my name because at the time they only set it up in person!! Doesn't mean you can't pay it!! All the information is RIGHT THERE!!! You have my permission!!! In fact I've ASKED you to!! And the internet- we switched it to my name so it would lower AND give us a better speed!! And autopay gives us a discount anyway- Something YOU approved of!! And GUESS WHAT? The power ISN'T in my name!! It's in yours!!! Why on EARTH do you still expect me to pay it every single time?! It's not even on autopay!!! And the car insurance.. well SORRY if you have a wreck on your record that would make the premium double or triple what it is now!!! I did that for you!! I even called and asked and compared and did EVERYTHING FOR YOU YOU WOULDN'T/COULDN'T!!! And the cellphones are in my name because years ago when we GOT the plan you didn't have a credit score which was REQUIRED... Guess who did?! ME!! So guess who did all that and set up autopay so we wouldn't get charged $20 more a month?! It's not like we COULDN'T change these things, YOU just DON'T want to deal with it OR you want those discounts and agreed to it in the first place- so your 'well they're all you're responsibility Because they're in your name' is BULLSHIT), EXTRA MONEY EVERY MONTH, EVEN TEVIE'S BANK ACCOUNT, EVERY DOCTOR/DENTIST/SPECIALIST SHE HAS EVER SEEN AFTER OUR MOTHER WAS KICKED TO THE CURB... Even W0lfie is not exempt... Because what I don't do for her, she goes to her mom to take care of. And she's told me things and I've had to ask why she hasn't taken care of it. Well. She either doesn't know how (and in some instances refused to learn cuz it happens again), or was just going to suffer through it because she assumed that was what was right (without asking anyone or even GOOGLING the information)... Gods... Half my 'knowledge' comes from google and checking at least two or three sights and sources before I act... I feel like I'm the only one in my house who has that skill despite the top-notch cellphones and computers and shit laying around everywhere. Despite my little sister literally building her computer... Can't adult life at ALL...

And I just... I just...

I'm so mad and upset.

I want to have the carefree lives they have some days... But then I realize someone wild have to be doing all the shit I do for them for me... And then I get depressed Because literally no one would or will. Even Lon didn't... He took care of his bills sure... But everything else? Well.. unless I asked him to step up, he never would.. and he to never would more than the day I asked. Another red flag I shouldn't have let slide...

No matter how sick I get. No matter how crazy I go... It's still all up to me. I don't have people I can go to to ask to do these things and know they will... I have tos er Everything up and do all the work or it never happens. Especially not more than once.

I hate nagging... And I'm just the bad guy if I try anyway.

Idk what the point even is anymore. I hate my life.

I want so badly to love it and be happy to be around... But I just want to disappear and see what happens when that happens. Would they step up? I mean they'd HAVE to and then I'd be the bad guy again... But ugh...

None of this is easy. None of this is easy especially when all alone.

Few people reach out to me... The ones that do are just as overburdened as I am and can barely talk too because they're so busy... But we try...

I appreciate every one of them/you and I feel awful I'm so drained I can barely say thank you or reply.

I know what it's like... I do... Maybe I don't 100% know the specifics of the reasons behind what you're feeling, but I can feel it with you.

I'm trying. I'm angry. I'm tired... But I'm trying my best.

[rosedavid]

44

44. “I’ll drive you to the hospital.”

It starts with a phone call. An incessant phone call, to be exact. TJ and Cyrus are at the climax of the movie, cuddled up against each other. Cyrus’s head rests on TJ’s shoulder as he stares wide-eyed at the screen. Meanwhile, TJ has an arm wrapped around Cyrus’s shoulders to hold him close, fingers stroking along his arm absentmindedly. Nights in like this have always been TJ’s favorites. After the stress of the week, they can just sit back and relax together, not having to worry about getting up for school the next day.

Then Cyrus’s phone vibrates on the table. TJ raises an eyebrow, already reaching for the controller. Cyrus looks at his phone for a moment before shaking his head. 

“Just my mom,” he explains, “You know her. She calls to check in way too often.”

TJ chuckles. He knows all too well how often she calls to check in on Cyrus. Once, Cyrus was two minutes past his curfew, and she freaked out. Of course, TJ has to amend her for caring so much about Cyrus, but he understands Cyrus’s disinterest in picking up the phone. 

They resume their previous position, continuing to watch the movie. Only seconds later, though, Cyrus’s phone rings again. TJ shuffles, this time pausing the movie for real. Cyrus groans, rubbing his eyes out of frustration and tiredness. 

“I think you should get that,” TJ says. “She seems really insistent.”

“Ugh,” Cyrus groans, “I’m sorry. I’m sure it will just be a minute.”

“It’s okay, really.”

Finally, on almost the last buzz, Cyrus answers, “Mom, I love you and all, but TJ and I are--” 

Suddenly, his words die on his lips. TJ sees the color drain from his face, lips parting into stammering, silent sounds. Then, Cyrus abruptly stands, one hand clutching the phone against his ear, the other running through his hair. 

“I-I don’t understand,” he stutters, beginning to pace a line in front of the TV. He gnaws on the bottom of his lip, a bad habit that he picked up from TJ. 

Meanwhile, TJ is getting increasingly worried. He feels so useless just sitting there while Cyrus is in clear distress, but he has no clue what’s happening. He stands up and walks closer to him while still keeping a bit of a distance. 

“Is he going to be okay?” Cyrus gasps. TJ sees tears dribble from his eyes. 

Something happened. Something bad.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

With that, Cyrus hangs up the phone, tears still falling from his eyes as he sniffles. TJ steps toward him, unsure of what to do. Although he’s great at comforting Cyrus when he’s anxious, he’s never really experienced comforting him when he’s so distraught. 

As if he just remembered TJ was there, Cyrus looks up at him, eyes puffy and red. In just a few seconds, Cyrus is lunging for him, arms gripped along his waist and face buried into his shoulder as he cries softly. TJ doesn’t hesitate in clutching him back just as tight, murmuring sweet nothings into his ears and kissing his head. It doesn’t take long before Cyrus yanks away suddenly, though. 

“I have to go,” he stresses with a few sniffles before hurriedly gathering his things. 

TJ follows him and asks tenderly, “Cy, what’s going on?”

Cyrus chokes on a cry before forcing it down. He swings on his coat, reaching for the car keys still in his pocket. “M-My dad, he...he got in a car wreck. And none of my parents know if he’s going to be okay, Teej. Oh my god, w-what if they can’t help him, what if--?!”

“Hey, shh,” TJ murmurs, tugging him into his shoulder again until his fast paced breathing evens out a bit more. “You’re in no condition to go anywhere.”

“But-!” 

“I’ll drive you to the hospital,” TJ explains quickly.

Cyrus gazes up at him thankfully, teardrops glistening on his eyelashes. TJ finds his vision going blurry, but he can’t afford to do that now. He has to help Cyrus. So, blinking away the tears, he takes Cyrus’s keys from him. They tug on shoes halfway as they stumble out the door. Cyrus holds onto TJ’s hand as if it’s the only thinking keeping him from sinking. 

The drive to the hospital is awful. TJ turns on some music, hoping it will calm Cyrus, but it just makes the atmosphere even more...wrong. Cyrus can’t stop moving; it’s as if he’s willing the car to try and go faster. TJ knows Cyrus hates it when he disobeys the speed limit, but he still presses on the gas a bit extra. 

“I-I’m so scared, TJ,” Cyrus whispers, hands fiddling in his lap. 

“I know,” TJ responds, equally as quiet. “I’m sorry.”

Sorry doesn’t feel like even close to the right word, but TJ can’t think of anything else to say. I’m sorry that you’re so upset. I’m sorry that your dad is hurt. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’m sorry I can help more. I’m sorry.

Once they get to the hospital and park, Cyrus leaps out of the car, practically running inside. Waiting downstairs right by the front door is Cyrus’s mom. She looks understandably more haggard than her usually pristine appearance. Her husband, Cyrus’s step-dad, stands by her looking equally as frazzled. When she spots Cyrus, her eyes water and her composure slackens even more.

“Mom,” Cyrus gasps, running into her arms. She squeezes him tight. Soon, his step-dad also joins in as they form one big group hug. His step-dad eventually pulls away, letting Cyrus fully cling onto his mom. 

“Cyrus, honey,” she consoles, stroking his hair. 

“Is he going to be ok?” 

She pulls back, studying his blotchy face. She then reaches up and wipes his tears from his face. “I don’t know. He’s in surgery right now.”

Standing behind them awkwardly for the past few moments, TJ looks up at the exact right moment to meet Cyrus’s eyes. His mother and step-dad turn to look at him, as well. 

“TJ,” his step-dad greets, voice raspy. 

“Sorry for intruding,” he apologizes, suddenly feeling like he shouldn’t be there. “I can call my mom to pick me up. I just didn’t want Cyrus driving over here when he was upset.”

His mom replies with a half smile, “You weren't intruding, TJ. Thank you for taking care of Cyrus.”

“I always will.”

Before he can pull his phone to call his mother, Cyrus speaks up. “Please, don’t go.”

TJ’s heart splinters at the timid sound of Cyrus’s voice which is still tired from crying. Cyrus extracts himself from his mother’s embrace before going over to TJ and capturing him in another hug. His mother and step-dad sigh worriedly, silently apologizing to TJ through their eyes. He shakes his head because it’s no big deal. Cyrus wants his support, and he’s here to give it. 

TJ whispers into his ear, “Okay, I won’t go anywhere. I promise.”

“We should head upstairs with Sharon to wait,” Cyrus’s step-dad says. “Is that okay with you, Cyrus?”

Cyrus pulls away, wiping his nose against his sleeve. “Y-yeah. Let’s go.”

They slowly make their way up on the elevator. It feels as if they’re heading to their doom. Cyrus zones out on the way there, feeling as if nothing’s real around him. TJ makes sure to hold his hand the whole way. 

Sure enough, Sharon is waiting in an uncomfortable, plastic chair in the waiting room, dabbing her cheeks with a Kleenex. Cyrus makes sure to hug her, as well, before they all collapse on the chairs together. It’s already late at night, but it’s much later before they hear any news. In fact, Cyrus is dozing on his shoulder, probably a crash from the overload of anxiety, when the doctor comes out. TJ shakes Cyrus gently, rousing him from sleep. As soon as he sees the woman in the white coat approaching them, he sits up alert, as if he were never asleep in the first place. His hand clutches the armrest, but TJ is quick to replace it with his own hand. Meanwhile, Cyrus’s other hand rests in his step-mother’s hand. 

“The surgery went very well,” the doctor smiles. “You can go seem him, but only two at a time, please.”

Cyrus visibly sags in relief, and TJ squeezes his hand. 

It had been a taxing night, that’s for sure, but TJ wouldn’t chose to be anywhere else except at Cyrus’s side.