#on top of the fact that the Block Button doesn’t work anymore so I have to mute and block random losers idk how ppl have become so stupid

[pekodaiz]

twitter is actually insufferable for the first time in months im forced to see the same opinions over and over again it’s kinda amazing but not really it’s just exhausting

[ryozoro]

Hades Playlist - i.

NOW PLAYING : I n t e r l u d e [J. Cole]

cw; name calling, blood, mentions of murder, major spoilers

“Fate is a very weighty word to throw around before breakfast.”

Despite the red-light district thriving through the night, it looked just as beautiful during the early morning. Yn was roaming the streets on her pedal bike for the first time since winter break as she plotted different ways to surprise her big brother at his newly opened bike shop. She had already purchased his favorite breakfast meal from the little café she worked at, and all that she was left to do was see the said man. Getting out of thoughts and returning to reality, she stopped at the side of the traffic light to press the ‘crossing’ button and to text Draken to make sure he was at work before she made the trip.

“hey there pretty girl, ya wanna come ride something more interesting than the little kiddie bike yer on right now?” some bleach blonde junior high kid called out to her, smirking as he man spread and took up most of the space on the park bench. “I know ya hear me pretty girl,” he leaned and rested his elbows onto his knees, “maybe ya want me to come over and beg for yer attention, huh? Want me to come and make ya listen to me?”

She scoffed and waited for the light to signal for her to cross, but its as if the gods wanted to punish her and traffic kept flowing out of her favor. Getting restless, she pocketed her phone and tapped on her bar handles in hopes of the cars to all be generous and let her through; of course, this did not happen and the young fuck boy in training had began to approach her alongside his friend who were hyping him up and recording the event.

“You might be older than me,” he walked up behind her and kicked her bike tire before circling around and leaning against the basket in the front, “but that doesn’t change the fact that I hit girls.” Yn had to refrain from spitting in his face because Draken always said ‘never start anything with others first, let them choose their fate.’ In other words, big bro just didn’t want her to put herself at risk due to minor inconveniences that were presented towards her.

Just as the light switched from a hand to a walking figure, yn politely smiled at the boy in hopes of him getting the hint that she did not wish to engage with him anymore, but – of course – that was just asking too much of him. He turned back and looked at the sign noticing it was their turn to cross, and he surprisingly moved out the way. Yn smiled realizing that her brother did know it best when he said that the ‘dumb young boys will leave you alone after they realize you’re not going to give them the time of day,’ and she moved to pedal across the cross walk with a large smile.

However, big bro’s words are not the golden rule amongst men and the boys did not leave her alone; in fact, they decided to run at her hit the back tire with a bat and caused her to lose control and fall in the middle of the walkway. The drivers were kind enough to wait for her to get up and cross the street with scraped knees and a dirty pull over. She turned back to glare at the boys, but their backs were already facing her as they leisurely walked away laughing. This wasn’t going to ruin her day, after all, she still gets to surprise her brother with her presence and might even have the chance to see his hot amazing friends whom you grew up around. After realizing that the former gang members might all be hanging around her brother’s workplace, she got up with a huge smile and skipped the rest of her way on the crosswalk. Once to the other side, yn hopped back on her bike without checking her bloodied shins and made her way on the quickest route to the shop.

Glancing up at the familiar billboards that danced in sky and looking down at the alleys being populated with street cats and new gen delinquents, she realized she was only a block down from seeing the man who has always put her first and raised her to strive to her fullest potential. Smiling as closed her eyes for just a second - she swears it – to bask in the excitement and next thing she knew, she was on the ground covered in coffee. She could hear faint voices but those were cancelled out by her skin screaming at her to get up and quickly remove any rubble and dirt that had entered. Moving to get up, she took note of blood staining the concrete and became slightly alarmed.

“Oi, you dumb bitch, you should watch where you’re going,” a man’s voice echoed through her head, “you got a drip of blood on my Milano’s.” Trying to get up, yn went to wipe her eyes, but as soon as she lifted her hands, she felt them share the similar sting that her knees and chin felt. “You deaf or something? Ha, lucky for you I’ll take the food in your basket and whatever is in your wallet as an exchange. Pin code for your card must be included, love.” Hearing as she was about to get stripped dry of her hard-earned cash, she shot a glare up at the well-dressed man’s body just to be sent in a more state of terror when she noticed the tattoo that decorated his temple; it was the infamous Bonten symbol.

“I say we just take her to the back alley and make her pretty throat match the rest of her bloody body,” she turned and seen a pinkette with long hair and two scars that sat on each corner of his ?beautiful? mouth. to be completely honest, he would have been very much at the top of her most attractive list if he weren’t just plotting to slice her neck right in front of her; she wondered if he ever heard of the Element of Surprise. “She hasn’t even apologized yet and it’s been at least 45 seconds, that is pretty rude don’t you think, Mochi-kun?”

“It is very rude,” the built man with slicked back blonde hair spoke up, “do you want me to take her in the alleyway?” He squatted down to meet yn at eye level and she didn’t know if it was the fact he was able to stare into her soul with lifeless eyes or the extremely structured shoulders that could break her bones if he had tackled her, but she genuinely felt that she was going to die. “You seem like a worthless kill if I am being honest, and I don’t like claiming meaningless prizes. So, if you want to live,” ‘Mochi-kun’ reached over and gripped her bloodied chin, “or are you going to be good dog and run your pockets?”

She couldn’t believe it; for all her life, death threats have never been directly shot at her as Draken and the others have always been there. Of course, she emptied her pockets as quick as she could and began wiping the man’s Milano’s with her cloth lens wipe.

“Good girl,” the man with the temple tattoo said mockingly, “but I’m gonna need you to put your pretty mouth to work since you don’t know – or rather – you act like you don’t know how to speak.” She felt her eyes began to fill with tears as she looked up from the ground; they mistook it for fear, but yn was just angry she was powerless to them. “Don’t worry, I like older women, so I won’t need your mouth for that,” he laughed loudly in her face, “lick the blood off.” Her glare returned and tears began to spill over her cheeks. “Be a good bitch, and lick my –“

“What are you idiots doing?” a man with a long pink and purple mullet-like hairstyle came from behind her. “Are you guys bullying young kids again? Oh, wait, you’re not a kid.” He stared at you through his multi-colored bangs and tilted his head, “Why are you all bloody like a sewer rat walking through the back alley of feral cats?” he pushed the girl’s forehead back, straining her neck to hold eye contact with him, “you’re not some whore, are you?” He craned his neck back to the man who has been treating her like a dog, giving yn a full view of his Bonten symbol tattooed across the middle of his pretty throat. “Neh, Koko, you do realize that if you want a girl’s attention you can’t just rough her up in hopes that she takes you to bed.” He turns back to yn before sighing, “You’re cute,” for some reason she felt herself swelling with pride, “but you’re not my type,” – well there goes her ego.

“Oh what-fucking-ever,” ‘Koko’ mumbled as he gently pushed her away, “I didn’t want some inexperienced princess anyway, so don’t get your hopes up.” He quickly bent down and took all the cash from her wallet and began to slide out the card, but a baton quickly swatted at his hands.

“Your obsession with money is crazy, but you can’t take hers if you still owe me 45,000 yen.” Yn turned to see a man with pushed back purple and pink hair holding the offending stick. Unlike the other members, his tattoo was in the same place as the mullet man – maybe they took over the organization after her other big brotherly figure, Mikey, left. She drank in his appearance, and although he was thinner than the other members, something about him just screamed ‘stay away;’ but for the first time in her life, yn didn’t want to listen to such obvious red flags. “Oh no, you’re bloodied up like a rat –“

“I have already said that nii-chan,” the mullet head said, “what do you say? Wanna jut get rid of her like Sanzu-san suggested?” The now known younger brother asks. She began to tremble but not out of fear, no, out of a weird feeling at the pits of her stomach that came about as soon as the stranger stumbled onto the scene. “Oi,” the younger brother flicked your chin, reminding your body that it is supposed to be in a state of stinging pain, “staring is rude. What are you – a deer in headlights?”

“Now, now, Ridou,” the man continued to meet yn’s gaze as he motioned for her to take his hand, “where’s the fun in hurting a good little lamb? Especially one who shows that she knows to yield to her Sheppard.” Against her better judgement, yn took his hand and allowed him to help her up. “Look at you go,” he smirked and scanned over her body through hooded lids, “such a strong little girl you are standing on wobbly legs after the big bad wolves tried to tear you down.”

She should feel offended, mocked, and appalled, but she couldn’t – not with the voids he called eyes staring at her. “T-thanks,” she weakly mumbled as she began to gather her bag back together and prop her bike back up, “I know you guys said you needed the pin number, but I can’t give it to you.” She hung her head and balled her fists; she was waiting for someone to hit her but that never came. Looking up she sees the ‘older brother’ standing in front of the brooding ‘Koko’ and the other members just staring around the streets.

“That’s fine, little one,” the older brother said, “we don’t need your card. Koko here will be fine with just the cash. But I will need payment of the sort since I did calm the bully over here, don’t you think?” He smiled at yn, quickly scanning her student ID and then turning back to her face, “You’re 18, yeah?” she nodded, and he smiled lazily, “Good, give me something of yours that is valuable. I want to talk to you again and if I take it, you are going to want to take it back, correct?”

“I – um,” she began to go through the bag and seen that the only things she deemed valuable were her phone and the spare keys to her room in the brothel, “all I have is my k-keys and phone.” She huffed out in hopes that he took mercy and just let her go already; if she kept in his presence any longer, she feared that every piece of knowledge on common sense would fly out of her brain.

“Well, no one wants a pedal bike here and your phone and keys wouldn’t be of use to me,” he spoke in a rather degrading tone, “how about, you give me that pretty little necklace that you’re wearing… hmm, ... oh! Give me your number as well. After all, how are you going to know when I want you to take back your precious gems without being able to plan a proper date?” His smile was too secretive to be comforting, but this was probably the best way to saving her own life.

“Okay,” she replied quickly, “just please, don’t break the necklace…” her hands shook as she unclasped it and placed it into the man’s hands. “That’s a gift from my brother, so I promise you I’ll come and get it whenever you ask.” Yn put her hands on her bar handles before straddling the bike.

“Thank you,” he smiled and put away the baton before fishing out his phone, “put your number in it and call to make sure you’re not fucking with me, yeah?” He tilted his head and softly hummed at the soft sound of her phone vibrating in her bag. “Thank you, yn-chan.”

“No, thank you,” she lightly coughed and waited for him to look back up at her after saving all her contact information. Once he finally looked up, she flinched but proceeded to stare him dead in his lovely irises, “May I have your name… if ya don’t mind that it.”

“Haitani Ran,” the older man laughed and shifted his weight onto his hip, “and I expect you to text me whenever you get the chance.” He turned around and the other members began to follow. For what felt like an eternity, yn finally let out a small breath, well at least until he had turned back around. “Oh!” Haitani-san smiled at her, “Leave it under ‘Ran-senpai’ so your brother and friends don’t get spooked. Don’t want the fun to end before it has barely even started.” With that, he turned back around and waved half-assed before disappearing into the distance.

Yn decided to just to walk the rest of the block because riding the bike has been nothing but bad luck so far. Once at the shop, she sighed and made her way to the back where she knew would be unlocked because no one dared walk up into her big brother’s place of work. Parking her bike, she quickly takes her phone back out with 3 texts from an unknown number.

Unknown: hey little lamb, its yer senpai <3

Unknown: yer probs with yer bro so ill call you later, mm around midnight so stay up

Unknown: text me back soon or I mite accidentally break your pretty necklace and youll have to  owe me a big favor for ignoring me :)

“what the actual fuck,” yn whispered as she quickly began typing away. She didn’t know if she be upset with his back-to-back messages treating her like she was his property, or mad at herself for feeling this little need inside of her that wants to please him. Yes, all of the gang members were extremely hot and DANGEROUS, but something about ‘Ran Senpai’ gave her the cold chills; what made it worse was the urge that she possessed to go against all her morals for him.

Yn: hi! Im sorry,, I was just trying to get to my brother’s shop

Yn: wait,, do you know draken-nii?

She tilted her head and rocked lightly from side to side, waiting for a reply instead of going in and surprising her brother like she initially had planned to do. While she waited, she changed his name to ‘Tani Senpai <3’ with a small smile as she imagined Draken freaking out over the fact that a boy has caught her interest. Of course, she wasn’t romantically interested in the man, but his face isn’t one that she would mind seeing from time to time – at a safe distance that is.

Tani Senpai <3: mhm, some good and bad history

Yn: oh?

Tani Senpai <3: you do know curiosity killed the cat, right little lamb?

Yn: you flirt a lot

Yn: how old are you ?

Tani Senpai <3: 28 years young bb

Yn: youre ten whole years older than me?? You look so,, young.

Tani Senpai <3: I have aged, but trust me, I am rather youthful in different aspects.

Yn: do you by chance,, like memes?

Tani Senpai <3: ofc, especially hornee ones.

Yn: haha.. well I gotta go,

Tani Senpai <3: mhm go ahead baby, remember. Midnight <3

 Yn: aye aye captain.

She felt another vibration as she placed her phone in her backpack, but she was finally able to see and surprise her brother and that is exactly what she planned to do. Quietly pulling the door open, she noted that the music blaring and Draken’s back was to her as he was fixing up what looked like Pah-chin’s old CBX 400F. It was a cute sight if she was being completely honest; her brother rebuilding his old friendships. She seen the other boys’ bikes lined up too: Draken’s Zephyr, Mitsuya’s little Impulse, Kazu-kun’s Rocket, Mikey’s CB250T, and even the late Baji’s Goki.

“Pah-san still has the old thing,” she decided to speak up instead of tackling her brother, “are you guys gonna give it to some younger kids?” right as she finished her sentence, draken whipped his head back and went to cradle yn to his chest. Suddenly, all of the stinging on her skin had vanished and she was giggling while circling her arms around her brother’s waist. “How are you ya wannabe greaser?”

“I’m doing fine you idiot, how are -,” draken lifted his head to get a good look at her, but all his excitement drained as he was met with a sight of dried blood and scraped skin. “Who the fuck did this to you? I’ll kill them right fucking now, what the hell happened yn?”

“DRAKEN,” he stopped and stared at you expecting an answer, “I tired riding my bike down the big hill by the park and this happened, okay? I’m okay.” She stared at him with a soft expression and relaxed once she noticed he slumped in his posture, “I know you said to stop riding down the hill because it’ll bite me in the ass one day, so I guess today was the day.” Yn laughed and draken tried to fight the small smile that was threatening to fall on his lips.

“Go sit on the counter and watch the store for a bit, I’m gonna get the first aid kit in the back and I guess I’ll patch ya up.” With that, he disappeared into the office hall and left yn to be lost in thought. She had never lied to Draken this heavy before. It might not seem like a big deal to others, but she just told her brother she fell down a hill instead of saying that some /Bonten/ men were just threatening her life 20 minutes ago and they treated her like a dog; well, she didn’t feel that bad anymore, considering that he would have gone and wasted his life against men that played dirty. “Get out of your head, I’m back.” Draken teased her before getting an alcohol wipe and wiping the dried blood, “don’t squirm too much, loser. iss’ gonna sting a bit tho, so try to not hit me.”

It went a lot more smooth than she had expected, yeah, the cleansing wipe and ointment burned, but now she was bandaged and able to not worry about even more blood staining her clothes til they go to the brothel.

“Here,” he handed her a spare shirt and some sweats, “I don’t like seeing you all beat up, makes me want to fight the side walk. You know where the bathroom is.” Draken slightly punched her shoulder before heading back to seat near the bike, “once you’re done, we can go meet the boys for breakfast. I bet yer hungry.”

“Yer the best, ya know that,” yn smiled before taking her bag and clothes to the bathroom. “It won’t be long,” she turned before entering the hall, “make sure the cute one is there!”

“Stop trying to fuck my friends,” Draken called out in an irritated tone as she walked away laughing. It was an ongoing joke yn had played on her brother, where she would pretend to have some crush on his friends and it’d just make him twenty times more protective around them; he never knew if she was serious or not so he had to be cautious.

Once in the bathroom, yn quickly changed into the clothes her brother had lent her and stared at herself in the mirror. She laughed when she realized she kind of looked like one of the main characters from her favorite psychological thrillers. Yn took out her phone and decided to message Mana, mitsuya’s younger sister and yn’s best friend from home, with a picture of her bandaged state and the caption, ‘take out my ankles next time, daddy <3.’ It honestly surprised her to get a reply that fast as Mana was always one to sleep until noon. She didn’t know what scared her more, the fact she sent it the wrong person, or the fact the person knew exactly what she was talking about.

Tani Senpai <3: you look hot like that

Tani Senpai <3: like being called daddy, but in this context arent I supposed to call you mommy or something LMAO

Tani Senpai <3: I can break your ankles with my baton

Tani Senpai <3: make you my little housewife and call you ‘Bum.’

Tani Senpai <3: don’t worry, I won’t turn into ashes ;) <3

“Yn,” Draken called out, “you okay in there?”

“Don’t worry about it nii-Chan,” she giggled in hopes of masking her terror, “just bumped into a wound. I’ll be out soon.”

“Okay,” draken slipped a pad and a tampon under the door, “don’t know if you might want these -,”

“LEAVE YOU IDIOT,” yn genuinely laughed and heard draken’s heavy chuckles through the door, “thank you though, I’ll be out soon.”

“I’ll be outside on the bike, bubs.”

After hearing draken’s foot steps vanish, she quickly began typing.

Yn: that wasn’t meant for you -

Tani Senpai <3: shame, I love killing stalking

Yn: wait,, really? 👀

Tani Senpai <3: mhm,, we’ll talk about it later tonite ‘bum ;)

Yn: .. deal :)

Despite every shitty thing that has happened to her since she got back, it felt as if they were supposed to meet; fate as one would call it. She was offering herself to one of the most dangerous men who rule the underworld, and she didn’t even find herself to minding.

masterlist | next

an: hi hello, hope yer all eating well :)

ryozoro©

[hyunjilicious]

that night [harry styles]

A best friends to something else type of story. Exactly 7.8k (literally 7800 words which is scary) and you know I can’t write that much without SMUT. This takes place during a sleepover at the end of quarantine! Maybe tell me what you thought? :) (I promise I’ll edit this soon!)

-

“Show me yer phone, love” Harry groaned, sending you the coldest of death stares. The night started off as usual, you two just watching some old documentaries, paying more or less attention to them as you mostly just sat and talked. Things took a turn when your phone started blowing up with messages. Being the kind of person who always replies in an instant, suspicions arose when you decided to completely ignore the texts. Although Harry never violated your privacy and never pushed you for answers you didn’t want to give, when you started laughing and got nervous about whoever it was that kept texting you, he figured it would be worth it to push your buttons.

“I said no” you repeated yourself, standing up from the couch. There were two main reasons you didn’t want to talk about the person texting you, and these 2 reasons were also probably the only two things in the world you wouldn’t want to discuss with him.

“Why no’?” he asked offended, following you into the kitchen, like a small child begging his parents to let him have his way, “What can be tha’ bad? I wouldn’t have asked any questions if yeh hadn’t been so off about it from the start”

You turned and looked at him dead in the eye, contemplating what to say next. He beat you to it.

“Is it a guy? Have you been seein’ someone?” Harry asked as he walked over to you, completely ignoring your personal space. “Is tha’ it? I don’t wanna read yeh texts, just tell me yes or no, and I’ll drop it. Promise”

You took a deep breath. “Yes, it’s a guy” you said calmly, “But we’re not seeing each other”

“Then why does he keep texting yeh like crazy?”

“Crazy…” you sighed, tapping your chin, “Good description”

“Come on, Y/n” Harry whined, tapping your shoulder as he walked past you and towards the refrigerator, “Just tell me, I’m really curious, crazy how?”

“Promise you’re not gonna freak out?” you laughed, grabbing whatever he was pulling out of the fridge and handing to you. You stopped paying attention after three cups of pudding and one bottle of wine.

“When have I ever freaked out?” he joked, mocking himself. He was usually a calm person, more composed than anyone you’ve ever met, and he less than rarely got angry. And from those times when he did lose his temper, 90% of cases were mild and he was still calmer than anyone else in that kind of situation, but that 10% left was pure terror. When his friends told you years ago that nothing’s scarier than Harry when he was truly mad, you didn’t quite believe them. You had to see for yourself to accept it. It only happened a few times in almost 5 years, but you always still did everything you could to keep him from going off again.

“Ok, so” you started speaking as you rummaged around your kitchen for bowls and glasses, “His name is Marcus and we actually met on Tinder-”

“Wait a second” he cut you off, “During the lock down?”

“Oh, no. It happened before all of this madness. Around january, I think”

It was obvious he was already bothered by how this conversation started, but he did his best to control himself so you wouldn’t decide to drop it. “Pretty serious, then, huh?” he said eventually.

“Literally the opposite” you laughed, pouring the pudding into the bowl, “We saw each other once-” and it hurt you to say the following part but you did it nonetheless, “hooked up, and didn’t talk since”

Pure annoyance was readable on his features. “Apparently haven’t talked until now?”

“Yeah, I mean-” you cringed, “He texted me like a week or so ago and we didn’t - vibe, and he got weird, so like I muted the conversation for 7 days because I didn’t want him to bother me anymore but he got so defensive it was funny so I didn’t really wanna block him”

“Yeh muted the guy a week ago and he still keeps trying?” Harry asked, completely taken aback, “Can’t blame him, but still, tha’s a bit much”

“It is” you nodded in agreement, and motioned for him to open the bottle of wine for you.

“He must have liked yeh a lot” he mumbled, twisting the corkscrew into the top of the bottle, “Maybe you two had a really great time, and he-”

“Harry” you stopped him, leaning your head to the side, “I know you’re squeezing information out of me right now, but I honestly don’t think you want to hear more of this”

“Ok” he sighed defeated, “I’m gonna stop pushin’ yeh. Thanks for tellin’ me tho. And sorry if I crossed any lines''

“You haven’t, H” you smiled, giving him a hug from behind. “It’s fine”

After gathering everything you had fixed up to take into the living room, the pudding and the wine, as you passed the threshold of the kitchen, you heard Harry speak up, traces of amusement audible in his voice. “But like… At least was the sex good?”

“You want me to answer that?” you chuckled, plopping down on the couch. “Do you seriously want me to answer that?”

“Yeah” Harry shrugged, smiling innocently.

“It was horrible” you said bluntly and watched his grin wilt away. “Probably the worst sex I’ve ever had. No, no, no.. Definitely the worst sex I have ever had in my entire life”

His mouth fell agape. “Seriously? Why?”

“Well, i got to his house… And you know, up until then everything was fine, like he seemed like a completely normal and fun guy while we texted but like, as soon as i got to his place he became really… I don’t even know how to put it, he was um.. Very clingy and weird and we talked for a bit but then when we went to his room he turned into literally the biggest asshole I met”

“What?” Harry exclaimed, “Tha’s not wha’ I expected”

“Exactly!” you laughed, “Neither did I!”

“Then wha’ happened?”

“I went down on him and he didn’t do the same because apparently he finds that gross? That’s what he told me but I didn’t wanna get into it because I went there to get dick so I was like let’s just fuck, and we did… We made out a bit, got him worked up again, and when we fucked I literally thought something was wrong with me, because he just.. I don’t know. Bumped into me and after he finished I was there like… What just happened?”

“Yeh were right when yeh said I didn’t wanna hear this”

“Told you” you giggled, grabbing your pudding and toying with your teaspoon.

“Jus’ stop using Tinder, please” Harry eventually shook his head.

“A girl has needs, ok?”

He was enraged and completely ignored your words, “And wha’ does he want from yeh now? He really thinks yeh’d see him again? Really?”

“I don’t even know what he’s been saying, honestly” you shrugged.

“Can I see?” 

“Can you like, read from the notification box? I don’t wanna leave him on seen”

Harry nodded in agreement and you gave him your phone. He pressed the lock button, the screen lit up, and it was instantly flooded with texts from him. Since you put the conversation on mute a week ago, you had no idea what he had been saying. It seemed that he didn’t appreciate your lack of interest and that he didn’t bother to hold back.

‘You pathetic whore, u really think ur gonna find someone better than me? U think ur so high and mighty and hot but  ur gonna die alone you bitch. Do u feel better about yourself if u juts ignore my texts???? Well good for fucking u-’ and Harry locked the phone, the screen going black.

“The fuck did I just read?” he questioned, his annoyance from earlier, now morphing into pure anger.

“You said you wanted to read” you shook your head.

“Why does he think he can talk to yeh like that?”

“I don’t honestly care” you sighed, “It’s not like I’ll ever see him again, so he can go and say anything he wants”

“‘S not how that works, darlin’” he said.

"Can we drop this, please" you sighed, unable to quite look in his direction, "I don't like this"

"Well-" Harry erupted and judging by the way his voice instantly died down, you could tell he almost lost control, "I don't fucking like it either, ok? But yeh shouldn't jus' accept tha'!"

"I wouldn't call it acceptance, H" you shook your head, discarding your bowl of pudding and jumping straight to the bottle of wine. "I told him I'm not interested, and I stopped replying. It's not acceptance... he just keeps trying"

"But for some reason yeh're letting him talk t' yeh like tha'"

"Well-" you shrugged, and took a big gulp of red wine, "He talks by himself"

"Y/n…" Harry called, his voice soft and you could tell that there was anger hidden somewhere deep inside, but you still appreciated the fact that he managed to keep it contained. He extended his arm, his fingers brushing against the side of your thigh. It was a soft, delicate touch, that made every hair on your body stand up. He did it to get your attention and boy, did it work. Instantly, your eyes snapped to his, and were met with something you did not see coming. "Can I say something?" he asked cautiously, his eyes shining with genuine worry.

"You're making this into something much more significant than it actually is"

"I'll drop it" he eventually nodded, "If you promise me something"

"What?"

"If anythin' similar to this happens again, tell me"

"And what are you gonna do about it?" you giggled, trying to lighten the mood. As you kept staring into his green eyes, you brought the wine bottle up to your lips, took a long sip, and then handed it to him.

He took the bottle out of your hands, seemingly not giving more than two shits about it. The warmth in his eyes accentuated as his eyebrows gathered into a concerned furrow, "Make sure it doesn't get to yeh"

"It doesn't" you smiled.

"Lemme make sure" 

"Ok, Harry" you laughed, "I promise you that the next time a guy from Tinder gets mad about me not reciprocating the feeling, and he starts sending me that kind of texts, I will tell you"

The sarcasm just flowed out of you, and he was not impressed.

"I meant in general, love"

"Any guy?" you taunted, "Not just from tinder?"

"Fucking put on tha’ movie" he shook his head, "I know yeh too well. Won't get anywhere until you get some wine in tha’ belly"

"That's your plan?" you laughed, "Get me drunk and make me spill all my secrets?"

"I never assumed you had any secrets, but yeah, now I wanna know those too" Harry grinned, throwing his arm around you and pulling you to his chest. Although this kind of intimacy was something you've been somewhat used to, tonight it was just a bit more difficult to bear. And it may all have been due to the way he mentioned he wouldn’t want anything to get to your head, and the way he said he’d make sure of it. Even though you weren’t truly clear how he’d do that and what exactly was going through his head, it was crystal clear how you’d have him do that.

But now was not the time. You glued your eyes to the TV screen, and begged your brain to focus on the movie in front of you and not whatever Harry was thinking about, mere inches away from you.

There had been something in the air that night, because neither of you managed to pay any kind of attention to the movie anymore. You talked, the conversation not going back to the previous topic, you laughed, gossiped like there was no tomorrow, and now it was almost 4am, and you and Harry were 3 bottles of wine in. Deciding to cut the alcohol before it was too late, you settled for water, as Harry went on to finish a weird story he once heard from a hippie touring the states in his van. He was completely smitten, his eyes shone with admiration for the old man. Harry spoke with words of great respect about a life he wished he could once live. It was only a matter of time until it would get to you.

“But,” you sighed, laying down and placing your head into his lap, “You really seem like the kind of guy to pack his bags and just leave. Like get a couple of friends or something, leave a note saying you’ll eventually be back, and just travel around the world”

“I kinda already do tha’ love” Harry laughed, double chin showing as he looked down at you.

“Not what I meant” you shook your head, “And you know it”

“Wha’ did yeh mean, then?”

He looked down at you, his hands finding their way into your hair as you contemplated how to put the words together. “I don’t know… Less social interaction-” you finally said, “Make it less about living the same songs in front of thousands of people, and more about living a completely new experience as you really get to know just a handful of people”

He didn’t look convinced. His dimples were showing, and a chuckle was threatening to escape his lips.

“That didn’t make any sense, did it?” you laughed.

“It did” Harry smiled, “Might have’ta resume this in tha’ morning, but i think i got the idea”

You pointed your finger to him, “Best”

“Me?” he grinned, grabbing your hand, “Oh, stop it!”

“Not you, your idea”

“Nice save, love”

You wanted to object and keep this topic going as the butterflies in your stomach started to riot, but just as you opened your mouth to speak, the sound of your phone receiving another text filled the air. In an instant, your eyes locked with Harry’s and you knew he wasn’t gonna let any of that shit slide. Not wanting to give him the chance to protest, you sprung up and leaned towards the coffee table, your fingers barely managing to brush against the side of your phone before Harry grabbed your waist and yanked you back, pressing you against the cushions of the sofa as he hovered above you.

The intimacy and urgency of this whole charade made your skin crawl, and you couldn’t help but let a few giggles escape, “What are you doing?” you laughed.

“Not lettin’ tha’ asshole ruin your night, love” Harry smirked, tilting your head so that you had to face him. 

“I’ll see the text in the morning and it will ruin my whole day” you played along, but as it turned out, you dug your own grave.

“Oh?” he grinned, “So it does get to you”

“No!” you belted, “That is not what I meant, Jesus harry”

“Come on, hon” 

His head tilted to the side, before he leaned down and nudged the tip of your nose with his. “Jus’ say the word”

That sent burning chills down your spine, and your cheeks couldn’t do anything but to comply and turn an erotic shade of pink.

“I’m not sure what to say” you mumbled, fighting against the urge to jump on him.

“I’m yer best friend, love-” he made a small pause, for dramatic effect, and just stared down at you while your blood boiled, “Lemme show yeh how good yeh can feel”

“I-”

He cut you off, obviously proud of himself, “I obviously wouldn’t have asked twice if I hadn’t felt you squeeze your thighs around me”

“Fuck, Harry-” you said, embarrassment rushing all over you as you threw your hands in the air.

He leaned down, and brushed his lips along your jaw, “Yeh could be screaming tha’ name”

Regaining your composure, you grabbed his chin and forced him to make eye contact once again, “What does this mean to you?”

“It doesn’t have t’ mean anything we don’t want it to” he nodded, “Just friends looking out of one another”

“Mhm..” you choked, “Yep”

“Tell me, and I’ll get off of you”

Your answer came a short second later. “Yeah, get off” you said sternly.

His features barely got a chance to show the disappointment that enveloped him, because as soon as the words left your mouth, you pushed yourself up. Excitement started showing on his face as you pushed yourself up. With a devilish smile on your lips, you grabbed the hem of his shirt; not giving him a chance to secure his balance on his knees before you pulled the material up his body. He clumsily shuffled out of it, his tattoos coming into full view.

“Is that a new one” you asked, pointing to his left shoulder.

To your surprise he took you seriously, and looked down, obviously confused, “Which one, love?”

“This one” you grinned, pushing yourself up and against his chest, this way, giving yourself a chance to press your lips to the base of his neck.

Harry’s whole body shivered under you as he let out a small chuckle. Instantly, his hands found your waist. Once your lips grazed his sensitive skin, the muscles of his neck relaxed as if under a spell and his head fell back. Harry’s fingers dug into your sides as your teeth sunk his flesh, sucking profusely. Having waited for this so many years, it felt all too real and completely unreal at the same time. There was a fire burning inside of you and the soft moans slipping past his lips were no help with taming it.

“Having fun?” Harry laughed, but his confidence and usual air of self control were shaking.

As a response, you bit into his ear lobe and delighted yourself with the whimpers of pleasure he didn’t even try to hide.

Although burning for it, you didn’t have it in you to go for his lips, so when he was the one to do it, all your radars went crazy. The way he grabbed your chin and pulled you closer, it was all you wished for. Years worth of pent up emotions dripped from your lips and onto his.

How ungrateful and inappropriate would it have been for you to beg for more and guide the situation in a different direction? Even if his gentleness made your knees weak, the heat between your legs begged for a less kissing and a lot more biting. 

It was when he pressed you down against him that made you forget about everything that held you back. His erection was rubbing against your thigh as you grinded down on him, and you couldn’t help but break the kiss and sink your teeth into his lower lip.

Harry threw his head back against your touch, and a proud smile lifted up the corners of your mouth.

“Come on” you moaned, kissing your way down to his ear, “Show me how you should treat a girl”

His fingers snuck into your hair and pulled your head back, forcing your eyes to meet his’, “Is it me? Or are yeh a bit more excited for this than you initially let on?”

Your eyes sparkled as you let out the fib, “It’s just you”

Grinning, he shook his head in mock approval, and secured you in his hold, before effortlessly spinning the two of you around. Now, a mess of limbs, you looked up at Harry with what could only be described as pure lust. And it all reflected on his features. His ridiculously messy curls framed his face perfectly, allowing his proud gaze to fuel your engines.

With all your might you wanted to let him take the lead and not show too much enthusiasm, but it felt next to impossible. Before you knew it, your hands were cupping his cheeks again, forcing his body flush against your own. He kissed you back with no hesitation, as if he too waited years for this to finally happen, as if this was his dumb way of confessing to you that he too, was head over heels for you. But that was a scenario that regardless of its likelihood, was sure to ruin your mood. 

So you pushed it aside, forced your mind to fall on standby, and instead, you concentrated on the way his hands explored every single inch of your body. When he broke the kiss, you wanted to protest, your tongue crying from the sudden loss of contact. But his lips traveled lower, kissing all the way over down your neck, along your collarbones, and across your chest. It was all aggravated and hungry, as if he couldn’t get enough. 

“Yeh good?” Harry asked, looking up at you, cheeks all flushed.

“Yep, yeah” you whispered, the weight of the moment turning your voice into a light chuckle. Breathless and innocent, you were on cloud nine, and all your struggles to keep that hidden were in vain.

Delicately, as only he could, Harry pushed your shirt over your head, leaving you exposed, a fact which sent a whole new wave of pleasure down your body. This gesture alone shook your whole world, but he wasn't wasting any time. You barely even got a chance to catch your breath before he lowered himself, and cupped your breasts into his palms. Your back arched in an instant, and when his warm lips connected to your skin, goosebumps propagated all over your whole body. As circled his lips and caught your nipple between his teeth, your mind went crazy, muscles sizzling with anticipation. A suggestive moan slipped from your throat, and you could tell it surely tickled his ego.

“Gettin’ there?” he questioned even if he already knew the answer.

You threw him half a shrug, tilting your head to the side and pressing your cheek to your shoulder.

“So fuckin’ cute, angel” Harry chuckled, shaking his head as he crawled up your body, “Why’re yeh so cute?”

“How would I know?” you blushed, playing along with his overly teasing approach, “You’re the one who sad it”

“Don’t know why I think yeh’re cute?”

You nodded no.

A small but sure fire lit up his features, and he knew it was on. He did maintain the eye contact for a while, but when he finally looked down at your body, nonchalantly staring at your chest, that was when your breath got caught in your throat. The pressure was building up, yet Harry kept pushing your buttons. 

In desperate need to pick up the pace, you nudged his chin with the back of your fingers, and when his eyes caught yours; you raised one eyebrow, motioning for him to continue. “Wha’ do yeh want me t’ tell yeh, love?” Harry grinned, leaning down to kiss your neck.

“Tell me what you like about me” you laughed, linking your fingers in his hair. While you laughed due to the amount of different emotions that coursed through you, Harry made it all the more difficult for you to keep it together. His kisses were light enough for you to feel the ounces of love that dripped from his lips, but carnal enough to keep you on your toes.

“I love everything about yeh” he murmured against your skin, his chain of passionate kisses crossing over to the other side of your neck, “I mean, wha’s there not t’ like?”

“Word” you giggled, your sarcasm coming in perfect contrast to the weakness his question brought to your knees.

“Fuckin’ love every inch” Harry said, having completely ignored your joke, “Every single part of yeh, yer body and god, yer mind”

His hands cupped the sides of your rib cage, as his lips traveled down your sternum. He seemed lost, completely absorbed. Every time he looked up at you, it was impossible not to notice how out of this world his eyes seemed. Glossy and dark, extravagant green looking to explore more of you. And those were only the times you managed to catch him staring. The pleasure this man provided surpassed the moaning level, he got you working hard not to scream in ecstasy, as his tongue ran laps around your nipples, and the way his lips sucked with that specific amount of pressure. It looked as if he already knew where all your buttons were, he acted as if he knew your body better than you did. And for you, that was a new experience, which would’ve already been too much, even without Harry involved. But seeing your fingers get lost in his absolutely perfect in a messy kind of way locks, as he treated your skin with such refined skill, you found yourself way too close to the edge.

In the high of the moment, probably following an unidentifiable stimulus, you found yourself concentrated on the way his palms felt against your skin. He held you in his arms as if you were the most precious thing he ever laid eyes on. And for some reason, that feeling alone had you skyrocketing.

It was when you moaned out loud, for the first time not holding back, that he finally decided to give you what he promised. 

“Yeh sure this is ok, angel, yeah?” he murmured, looking up at you. 

His light stubble tickled the lower side of your abdomen as his breath barely managed to reach your skin. 

“Yeah” you clumsily nodded, your words coated in fervid enthusiasm.

Something happened. Something clicked inside of him. You saw it in the way his eyes warmed up. For a second he didn’t move, instead he just took in everything that was happening. When he eventually pushed himself up, you expected him to help you or motion for you to undress, but he didn’t. Harry lowered himself on top of you, pressing his chest against your own.

His fingers locked themselves against your chin, “I really wanna fucking do this right for yeh”

His confession took you aback. The seriousness in this tone was not something you anticipated. At first, he was the one who made it all seem like a meaningless game, yet right now, it seemed as though he fell into his own trap. 

All you could do was nod. Nod in approval, nod as a sign for him to keep going. As a promise that it was all ok. This attitude of his was not something you signed up for. Even if it looked like the beginning of what you always wanted, it also felt a little bit too sudden.

“Come here” you cooed, cupping his cheeks in a loving manner.

In an instant, he leaned into your touch, his skin burning against your damp palms. For the x-th time that evening, his lips melted onto yours, but something felt different. But you kept going, allowed the moment to carry you further without giving yourself the burden of dictating a direction. 

And seconds passed, and with each one, his touch became more and more aggravated. You could feel his need, and you have loved to think that what you were feeling from him was love, but it was just too big of a step to take right now. Not too shortly after, the situation escalated towards the point you left off earlier. You let him take the lead, and he soon returned to his usual self.

Harry made his way down your body through a chain of lingering kisses, each one of them awakening yet another side of you. This time, you were given no time to prepare. His experienced hands grabbed your thighs, groping their way up to your hips. Although it was fairly fast, it felt like an eternity. You breathing picked up when his fingers hooked themselves into the waistband of your leggings, and without even thinking about it, you pushed yourself up, allowing him to take them off. 

Now, you hadn’t seen this coming, because if you had, you probably would have chosen to wear something less embarrassing than your Superman underwear. Your cheek heated up as if it was the first time a man had seen you naked, and all your insecurities washed over you. None of those thoughts crossed Harry’s mind though. 

He just smiled - a gesture whose roots you’d never know. 

Harry positioned himself between your legs, his fingers gingerly tracing up and down your outer thighs. “Really fucken gorgeous, yeh know tha’?”

His compliments have never been this hard to receive, “Shut up” you chuckled, rolling your eyes as you couldn't help but squirm under his stare.

“Wha’?” Harry grinned, leaning his head to the side as he let his teasing side take over, 

“Tha’ tinder fuckface never told yeh just how perfect yeh look?”

“This is still about him, huh?”

“It’s about yeh, love” Harry rolled his eyes, letting his nails graze your skin, “Always been about yeh, always will be”

With each word that let his mouth, he leaned down, lower and lower, until every inch of his body was pressing against your own. He dominated the moment, and you love it.

When he engulfed your lips into a kiss, his right hand traveled between your legs. That alone made your core vibrate, and knowing there was no way to hide your enthusiasm, made you smile.

You felt the back of his fingers trace up and down your opening, and his words confirmed your suspicions. He pulled away from your lips just enough so he could speak, but he was still too close for you to properly see his features - he was just a few literal inches away, “I can’t wait to taste yeh, doll”

The grin on his lips and the pride of his tone, had a visible effect on you. The hairs on your body stood up in anticipation, and you couldn’t help but arch your back and close your legs around him. You kissed him back, and this time, it was on.

As his tongue pushed past your lips, Harry’s hands lewdly traveled down your sides, caressing every inch of exposed skin they found in their way. You didn’t see the eagerness coming, but when he reached between your legs, the flimsy material of your underwear didn’t even begin to come in his way. He shoved his hand under your panties, his fingers instantly coming in contact with your opening.

It was solely the emotional value of the moment that made you nearly gasp. Harry took his sweet damn time, as if you needed any more foreplay. The pads of his fingers gingerly traced up and down your opening a few times, before coming back up again to rest against your clit. It was soft and easy at the beginning, but the feather light touch of his fingers started gaining more and more pressure as subtle circular movements started to form.

When you looked up at him, you were met with the mess of curls that had fallen onto his forehead as he had his head hanging low, with his eyes trained between your bodies. With a gentle nudge against his chin, you prompted him to look up. At first he seemed a bit disoriented, but a wicked grin shortly appeared on his lips. It made you smile.

He was the one to resume the kiss, making it gentle this time - in perfect contrast with the action of his fingers, as he slowly made his way past your folds. When the first finger went in, you curled the corners of your mouth in anticipation. It felt fine, but it was just the tip of the iceberg and you knew it. Eager for more, you allowed your teeth to lewdly sink into his lower lip, willing to show him you wanted more. 

With a grunt, Harry shuffled a bit, his knees bucking into your hips. The deep breath he released tickled your skin, but you weren’t going to let this go. As you forced your teeth just a bit deeper into his plush skin, Harry let his forehead fall against yours. 

His tongue neatly traced along your upper lip, and you thought it was in response to your actions. And this erroneous thought kept you from anticipating his next move. When Harry pushed one more finger in, your senses went mad, and the simple fact that he didn't give you too much time to adjust before he pushed a third finger in, rocked you completely. 

You moaned in return and arched your back.

"I got yeh, baby girl" he whispered softly, "Look at me, I got yeh, ok?"

After receiving an enthusiastic nod from you, Harry made his way down your body. This time, he swiftly shuffled to the side, pulling your legs together and riding you of the unnecessary piece of underwear you still had on.

Not waiting for him to take control, you spread your legs, and feasted on the carnal look he had in his eyes as he looked down at your body. He didn’t waste any time before finding the perfect spot between your legs. Your whole body shivered as he leaned his head to the side, his light stubble tickling its way down the inside of your thighs. 

And following the rough feeling of the still shy beard you didn’t think he was able to grow, when his soft lips brushed against your skin, you involuntarily clenched. You bucked your hips and your legs tried, but to no avail, to close the distance between one another. You wanted more - needed more. And he noticed it.

Looking down along your body, you could only see the top of his head. And his fingers, pressing into the skin of your legs. And the tip of his nose as he proceeded to tease you into oblivion with millions of kisses, each of them nothing less than heavenly, but still, nothing compared to what you knew was coming next. The only warning he gave you as a hurried grin, and it was nowhere near enough.

It was on. Elegantly, but with traces of dominance in his touch, and with two fingers, Harry spread your pussy wide open, his tongue lewdly slipping right inside you. The contact and the buildup made you gasp. Had you not been so over the moon and distracted already, you’d have heard him snicker in response to the sound you just made. But you were too caught up. You felt him on every inch of your body, and the signals your core were sending you, were not what you wanted.

You wanted this to last. To have him go at it, lapping at your core for hours. To feel his tongue wag until your senses went numb.It might have been the dry spell that was forced upon you as the pandemic overtook your life, or the timeless, painful crush you’ve had on him for years, but you were already on the edge.

Trying hard to make the moment last, you curled your pointer finger and shoved it into your mouth, biting down hard. Your back arched dangerously as your head flew back, but it all just worked in his favour. Your pleasure was building up, and the careful, experienced movement of Harry’s tongue against your clit was only gaining momentum.

“Yeh taste like fucking heaven but I think yeh already knew tha’” he said, for a second pulling away from your core and giving you a chance to catch your breath.

All you managed was a pathetic excuse of a nod, along with a shy roll of your eyes.

“None of tha’” Harry laughed, licking his lips, “Don’t care how close yeh are, ‘m not gonna stop until yeh moan my name, love”

“Jesus christ, Harry!” you panted, shaking your head.

He responded in a similar manner, and again, with no warning whatsoever, he went back in. This short break allowed you to regain your composure, even if it was just a tiny bit. Your excitement, although still there and just as consuming, was easier to control now. You felt his touch all throughout your body, his tongue tickling all your senses.

What brought you closer into the moment was the feeling of his hands, as he grabbed your thighs and pushed your legs up onto his shoulders. For whatever reason, this felt even more intimate, and as his fingers sank into your flesh, you felt your engines start up again.

The delicate flicks of his tongue were getting more and more aggravated by the second, and now it was close to impossible to keep calm. Sweaty palms gripping tirelessly into the cushions under you, your back under constant strain, your eyes squeezed shut - he had you entirely.

And as if that wasn’t enough, he went further. Harry pushed one finger inside of you, moving his lips up to fully concentrate on your clit. His tongue prepared you, got you all ready and wanting, and then, he wrapped his lips around your bundle of nerves and sucked - gently and with a minimal amount of pressure, but god-

“Fuck, Harry-” you called out. It was more of a cry, choked back in the depths of your throat, all breathy and muffled.

“Come on, angel” Harry whispered.

As you looked down, past your heaving chest, your eyes landed conveniently on the top of his head. Complete chaos - his unruly curls tickled the inside of your thighs, as his fingers dug into your flesh. The two rings he never takes off were sure to leave proud indents on your skin.

Harry sucked at your bundle of nerves, the eager touch of his tongue awakening absolutely every need inside your being. Add the experienced pumps of his fingers and the fact that this was Harry Styles and none other, and you were done.

With each passing second you started to lose more and more of the control you had on your body. Sweating nervously out of every pore of your body, you squirmed under his weight hoping you’d make the moment last.

“‘S good, love, isn’t it?” Harry smirked for just about a second, “I can see yeh, yeh’re a mess fo’ me”

“Fuck” you whined, covering your face with your right palm as your head tilted backwards, “Shut up”

“Oh!” Harry faked surprise, “Gettin’ cocky?”

As he spoke, Harry curled his fingers inside your pussy; maybe intentionally - maybe by chance, hitting all the right spots and making you moan out loud.

“I’ll take tha’ as an apology”

You scoffed.

Harry shook his head. When you looked down at him again, you caught him licking his lips. It was obvious he waited for you to catch him doing that.

Already at the edge of your self control, you curled your fingers into his hair, motioning for him to resume his work. He followed your lead without any complaints, and when his bottom teeth grazed your clit, even if it was light as a feather you lost it.

Your mind became numb, drunk on the pleasure he provided. Your eyes rolled back as you enjoyed every second of your high. Harry kept you spiraling, continuing to lap at your core as the muscles of your legs tensed uncontrollably around his frame.

“Holy fuck-” you breathed out, voice shaky and wounded.

He made sure to milk every ounce of pleasure out of your being, leaving you a heaving mess under his stare.

Harry pushed himself up, nonchalantly wiping his chin, his eyes not allowing yours to look away.

As you gathered yourself and worked on bringing your breathing back to normal, there was only one thought going on inside your head - that it would only be fair if you reciprocate the gesture. Thinking about it was enough to make your core buzz again, but you didn’t have it in you to bring it up, and instead hoped he’d show he wished things didn’t stop either.

But he didn’t.

However, you got to kiss him again. And no matter how badly you wanted to keep the atmosphere on fire, he had other plans. 

“Did I take good care of yeh?” Harry asked as he leaned down beside you. His hand found your cheek, keeping you in place for another longing kiss, “Did I do yeh right?”

You nodded against his lips, not willing to actually word the answer.

His chuckle made it clear that the point got through. And for a second it seemed as if the night wasn’t done. None of you was willing to pull away, and allowed the minutes to go by without a care in the world, lost in each other’s arms.

“Freakin’ love yeh, angel” Harry said.

It wasn’t the first time you’d hear this coming out of his mouth, but you couldn’t help but smile thinking this time it was meant in a different manner. You answered him by cuddling deeper into his chest, and that was a moment you wouldn’t have traded for the world.

And you fell asleep like that. No matter how big and luxurious your couch was, you still spent the night glued to one another. Harry felt every calm breath of yours on his skin and everytime he moved a bit to adjust his position, his hold tightened around you to make sure he wasn’t pushing you away.

After what was probably the best sleep you’d gotten in the whole year of 2020, morning came around. Actually it was lunch time, if we’re being generous. The sun was high up, proudly making its way into your living room, past the curtains to forgot to draw the other night.

When you awoke, Harry wasn’t there anymore. However, panic didn’t have the time to settle in as you heard movement coming from the kitchen, and the strong smell of coffee reached your nose in no time.

You got up from the couch, with herds of butterflies in your stomach. Harry’s words from last night still echoed in your head, and even now, with no alcohol in your system, they managed to bring goosebumps all over your skin.

“When did you get up?”

That was how you made your presence known.

Harry turned around with a smile on his face. He had a bag of avocados tucked under his arm, as he typed away on his phone. His undone pants were hanging onto his thighs for dear life, and the only other piece of fabric on his body was a thin, brown hair tie around his wrist. There were a few purple marks along his collar bones and his hair looked rougher than usual, things which deep down, shook you up a bit.

 “Wanted to take yeh out fo’ breakfast, but I gotta leave in like an hour, so I figured this should do”

“Yeah, yeah sure” you agreed, “It’s perfect”

“Would’ve done mo’, but Y/n, yeh have no food in this house”

You laughed, walking over to slump down into one of the chairs, “Didn’t get a chance to get any perishables”

“You got some” Harry chuckled, “You got weeks’ worth of everything you need to make guacamole and pancakes”

“I have no idea how that happened, those will spoil” you shook your head, “You can take some of them actually”

“Or I could just come over”

“Even better”

The food was ready in no time. Harry had everything done and set while you washed up a bit, and after that, you both sat down to eat. Minimal and light, but still, there was a weight in the pit of your stomach.

“About last night-” Harry began to say, but you tried to stop him.

“You don’t have to-”

“We kinda do, love” he smiled, “I need to apologise, angel”

You squinted your eyes, “For?”

“I don’t really have t’ apologise fo’ what I said because I meant every word” Harry slowly said, as if he has a hard time putting his thoughts together, “I jus’ wish I hadn’t said it like tha’ though”

“Like what?” you questioned, a bit lost.

“Like I had the right to say that kind of crap” he laughed. It was nervous laughter, like he was afraid of what was coming next, “I do fucking love yeh, but I shouldn’t have assumed you wanted to hear that”

“What are you talking about, I don’t understand” you groaned, growing a bit tired of the impatience he brought upon you.

“You’re my best friend, ok?” he sighed, “That’s all we are, Y/n, and that was not supposed to happen”

The food got lodged in your throat, and you felt like if you didn’t stand up, you’d no longer be able to breathe. “It was your idea” you scoffed.

Harry’s eyes followed your frame, but he remained seated, “I know”

“So what changed? If anything even changed. I don’t understand what the problem is. You regret we did what we did-”

“I don’t regret anything” Harry butted it.

“You said it was not supposed to happen!” you exclaimed, rolling your eyes as you walked over to the sink, just to make yourself useful and to stop just standing in front of him.

“The things I said to you-” he said sternly, pushing his chair back and throwing his hands into the air, “I shouldn’t have said those, ok? It doesn’t matter who meant what, I told you things that-”

“What did you tell me that’s bothering you so much?” you almost yelled, annoyance dripping out of your pores. You walked over to him, and he closed the distance by standing up.

“I-” Harry stuttered, playing with his hair to buy himself some more time. “All the-”

“What?” you pushed, “That you like everything about me? That’s what you regret saying? And what else?”

“God” he groaned, “I don’t regret saying tha’, it’s just tha’ it wasn’t my place to say it”

You fell silent.

“If I were you... I’d want to hear those things from someone that is more than just a friend to me” he confessed.

“And you can’t be that to me? More than a friend?”

After a few seconds of painful silence, realization hit him, “Y/n…”

He did reach out. He took a step towards you but you stepped back. The remorse in his tone was too painful to ignore. So you moved away from him and slowly made your way out of the kitchen.

“Y/n!” Harry called, following you.

“Just go”

“Please...”

“Please what?” you shook your head, but he didn’t have the words you needed to hear.

“I’m sorry”

“It’s fucking fine” you sighed, walking backwards towards your room, “Just show yourself out”

[svtwritess]

finally- hjs

⇨ word count: 7.9k

⇨ genres: fluff, smut, some angst

⇨ pairing: joshua x female reader (though there’s no feminine pronouns or nicknames used!)

⇨ friends to lovers au

⇨ warnings: mentions of food, swearing, sexual content (oral, hickeys, light biting but not really idk), unprotected sex (please use protection kids please❤️)

You waited in your car in front of the office building you worked at, anticipating the arrival of your best friend who you always walked into work with. You and Joshua used to have the exact same title. You worked on the same floor, ate lunch at the same time, and even sat at the same desk. For six months, you spent nearly every working moment together, often goofing around and chatting even when you should be working. Your boss never suspected the two of you, though, as you still got all of your work done properly and on time. 

However, a couple of weeks ago, you got promoted. You used to work on the second floor with Joshua, but your promotion forced you to move up to the sixth floor. You had your own office, which was good because you wouldn’t want to share a desk with anyone else in that building, but the worst part was that your lunch time got moved to an hour later than it was before. So, simply put, you rarely ever saw Joshua at work anymore and it upset the both of you greatly. You both accepted it, though, as Joshua and yourself knew that it was for the betterment of your career (and your salary). 

You felt your heart jump when you saw Joshua’s sleek black car pull into the parking lot. He had been saving his money and finally splurged on a new one when his 2008 clunker finally broke down on him. You were happy for him and needless to say, he looked super sexy driving it. 

You got out of your car, shut the door and locked it before heading over to where Joshua had parked just a few spots over from you. 

Your heels clicked as Joshua got out of his car as well. His platinum hair was parted down the center and it was fluffy, framing his face perfectly. He wore a white, long sleeve button up, black slacks accompanied by a belt, black loafers and a nice watch that looked to be way nicer than he could afford. You swallowed, loving yet hating how amazing he looked in work clothes. 

“Good morning!” he exclaimed happily, a small smile making its way onto his face upon seeing you. “Ready for another grueling day of doing something that contributes almost nothing to society for a less than satisfactory paycheck?” he asked, hugging you from the side. You laughed as you hugged him back and began walking toward the building. 

“Sadly yes, I’m numb to it at this point.”

“Yeah, me too.” he chuckled as the automatic doors to the building opened for the pair of you. 

You headed for the elevator and Joshua pressed the “up” button. You were already dreading saying goodbye for the day, as the ride to the second floor took less than 30 seconds. 

“Are you sure you can’t take an early lunch or something? I miss you.” he said casually as you stepped into the elevator. You tried not to smile too widely at his words, knowing he meant them in a purely platonic way.

“As I’m pretty new to the position, I don’t think I should be too pushy about my schedule just yet. But trust me, I wish I could.” you pushed the “2” button followed by the “6” button and waited for the doors to close. 

“Yeah, I know. Guess I’ll just keep eating with Mia,” he replied and you nearly cringed at the thought of him eating with her; she just so happened to be extremely pretty. “She’s nice, just doesn’t say much.” he shrugged and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. You were just happy she wasn’t flirting with him or anything like that. 

The doors opened and you frowned as Joshua stepped out and turned to face you. 

“So long,” he said dramatically as he sent you a theatrical, yet relatively sarcastic, look as the doors closed. 

“Bye Joshua.” you laughed as the elevator closed and blocked him from view, your lonely ascent to the 6th floor beginning. Once you arrived, you trudged to your office and attempted to mentally prepare for another long day without Joshua.

Okay, so you had a gigantic crush on him if it wasn’t obvious, but how could you not? Working with the sweetest, funniest, most reliable, humble, and attractive guy you’d ever met almost everyday for 6 months was bound to have an affect on you. You never told him, though. You knew that he was out of your league, and that being said, you also didn’t want to risk ruining your friendship, and thus, you kept your feelings to yourself. 

Your day was full of meetings and your boss grilling you about if you had done the things on her extraordinarily long to-do list. You told her that you had done most of it and would try to get everything done by the end of the day. She was less than excited about the fact that you used the word “try”, but simply stressed you that you get it done before finally leaving you alone. 

She left at 4, an hour before you were supposed to, and you were happily able to tell her that you were almost done with the tasks she had given you. She gave you a smile, which was pretty impressive for her, and you continued working. 

You were typing away on your computer, and had been for the better part of an hour without realizing it, when there was a knock at your door. You looked up and saw Joshua entering your office, the butterflies in your stomach beginning to swarm. 

“Hey?” you questioned. He normally never came up to your office. 

“It’s almost 5:20 and you didn’t meet me downstairs, so I figured I should check up on you.” 

“Oh, is it? I didn’t even notice.” you sighed and leaned back in your chair. 

“Busy day?” he asked as he walked into your office, placing one his thigh on top of your desk and leaning on it with his arm.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” you groaned, “but with great power comes great responsibility.” he smiled down at you sweetly, wishing he could take some of your workload from you. 

“Well how about you relinquish your power for today,” he turned off your monitor, “and let me walk you to your car?” you smiled back at him and nodded. Your work was saved automatically, so you shut down your computer and gathered your things before standing up and leaving your office, your best friend in tow. 

“Any plans tonight?” he asked as you made your way to the elevator. 

“Just a warm shower, very comfortable pajamas, and maybe some Netflix. What about you?” you answered honestly as you pressed the “down” button, the door opening immediately. 

“I think the guys wanna come over and play video games or something. You should come over too, we’re getting pizza, and you love pizza.” he said matter-of-factly, but you just laughed as you both stepped inside. 

“That’s very true, but I can get my own. Enjoy the guy's time though, you deserve it.” you patted Joshua’s shoulder before pressing the “1” button and watching the doors close. The elevator ride and walk to your car was comfortably silent. You reached your less than impressive vehicle and stopped, turning to face Joshua. Before you could speak, he asked you a question. 

“Hey… why do you always say no when I ask you to hang out?” he said shyly, playing with the end of one of his shirt sleeves. 

“It’s the reason that I always give you,” you shrugged. “I know you have friends other than me, so I want you to have fun with them without me intruding.”

“Well yeah, I get that, but now that we don’t work together anymore...” Joshua reached up to grab your waist and pull you closer, but he stopped himself before you could notice. “Look, I’m just saying, we would all love it if you joined us sometime, so think about it okay?” he asked kindly and you nodded. 

“I will. Promise.” you nodded. “But for now, there is a steaming hot cup of tea and a reclining couch in my future.” 

“Next time then,” he said rather dejectedly. “I’ll call you later, okay?” You nodded as you got in your car and bid each other goodbye. 

As you drove away, you wondered when you would finally take Joshua up on his offer. Maybe subconsciously you thought that meeting Joshua’s other friends or going to his apartment would make things between the two of you more serious. You thought maybe something would happen that would set your feelings for him in stone.

You were hesitant to say it was love, though, as even when you worked together you didn’t see each other outside of work much. It was probably because you were together for 40 hours a week anyway. You’d only ever gone to a bar or a restaurant after work 5 or 6 times, and you always thought that that was enough. If you thought there was even a slight chance that he would return your feelings for him, then you’d have no problem with things between you changing, but you knew he didn’t, and even if he did, you were too scared of confessing to him to find out. You had never been in love before, but what you felt for Joshua was certainly the closest you had ever come to it. 

You parked in your assigned spot and turned your car off before heading up to your apartment. Though your thoughts had depressed you slightly, you got excited when you remembered Joshua would be calling you later. 

When you got your promotion, you started calling Joshua at night and you told him that it was to talk about how each other’s days went, and it kind of was, but you mostly just wanted to hear his voice. Admittedly, it was one of your favorite things about him. Not only did he have incredible biceps, wide-set shoulders, an amazingly slender waist, pecks that were easily big enough for a bra, an exquisite complexion, and plush, pillow-like lips that his smooth, honey voice dripped off of. 

Your thoughts of Joshua put you in such a daze that you were barely aware of the fact that you were already in your bathroom preparing to take a shower. You took off your clothes and turned the water on high heat before stepping in.

Hands. You had forgotten Joshua’s hands. His palms were large and his fingers the perfect length for.... sexual things you often thought about. You wondered how much better you shower would’ve been if only he was with you…

You tried to shake the thoughts out of your head as you washed yourself as quickly as you could, longing to put on your coziest pajamas and vege on your couch. 

You hopped out of the shower, dried off and padded into your room. You hung your towel on the corner of your door and threw on your favorite shirt and pajama pants. You ran a comb through your hair and completed the steps of your skincare routine, happy that it was finally time to do absolutely nothing. 

You boiled some water and made a cup of tea to calm you down for the night and put on an episode of the show you had recently started binging. You often wished you had the courage to invite Joshua over to simply do nothing with you, as it was one of your favorite hobbies, but you were afraid of what you might do or say in the comfort of your own home, and were even more afraid of getting rejected. 

As you sipped your tea, you felt your eyes begin to grow heavy. Though each time they closed for too long, you shook yourself awake, as you realized your phone hadn’t rang yet. 

When the episode ended, you made the decision to head into your room. After putting your mug in your sink and turning everything off, you climbed into bed. It was already 11:00pm, so you hoped Joshua would be calling soon. You played games on your phone to pass the time, until finally, a familiar ringtone filled your ears.

“Hi.” you answered the call almost too excitedly. 

“Well hi there,” you could hear the smile in his voice.

“Did you have a good night?” you asked, also smiling on instinct. 

“I did, the guys got too loud though, so had to end the party early.”

“Was it Vernon or the one who thinks he’s a tiger? Those are the only two I know.” you asked and he laughed out loud; you could just see the cute eye smile he had when he laughed really hard. 

“It was the tiger, actually. Good job. How was your night?” 

“Oh, you know, did exactly what I said I was gonna do. It wasn’t as good as I thought it would be, though.” you played with the blanket that rested across your legs, remembering how you’d wished he was with you.

“Really? Why not?” he asked and you could hear the ruffling of bed sheets from his end of the call. You went back and forth between saying what you wanted to say and covering up your true emotions like you normally do, but you decided to reply with something in the middle of the two. 

“I don’t know… I guess I kinda wish I had taken you up on your offer to come over, but I definitely wouldn’t wanna play video games.” you said and he chuckled, but for once there wasn’t a trace of a smile on your face. You were nervous, as every time Joshua invited you over you wished you had said yes, this was just the first time you were admitting it to him. 

“Yeah, that doesn’t seem like you,” there was a long pause, “What… would you wanna do?” he asked ever so quietly, to the point that you almost couldn’t hear his voice. The question would normally sound innocent if you hadn’t been thinking about showering with him an hour or two prior, and something in his voice sounded sensual, like he was tempting you, trying to get you to confess something. Could he have been thinking the same things as you? 

“I-I don’t know, watch a movie or something,” you said as casually as you could, though you were sure the shake in your voice gave you away. Dammit, you thought. Why am I so stupid?

“Oh,” Joshua let out an awkward cough, “Yeah, that would be cool.”

You both just sat there in silence, in a very awkward silence. That never really happened to the two of you, one of you almost always had something to say and you hated the intensity of the current situation.

“I’m really tired, so I think I’m gonna go to sleep.” you told him, not sounding nearly as chipper as you did when you answered the phone. 

“Yeah… yeah you should do that. It’s really late.” he said and you could hear him pull the chain of what you assumed was a lamp before settling further into his bed. 

“Goodnight Josh.” you said sweetly, but hung up the call before you could hear his response. 

You, too, turned off the light that sat on your bedside table and curled up underneath your comforter. Tossing and turning, you tried to rid your mind of every dirty, sexual thought you’d had about your best friend that night. You don’t know what changed, but you were acting the complete opposite of how you usually forced yourself to act. You made an effort to never think about him provocatively, yet there you were, sexy Joshua thoughts galore, and you were beyond angry with yourself. You basically prayed that things would be normal between the two of you the next day.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to you, you were all Joshua could think about. The entire night, he’d wondered what it would have been like if you had accepted his offer and come over. How fun it would be to play video games with you, only letting you win when you were obviously frustrated. How happy it would make him to see you getting along with his 12 other best friends (he knew they would love you). How funny he would think it was when you bragged about the fact that you were able to eat more pizza slices than him, and how excited he would be sneaking you into his room, away from all the others, teasing you until you either begged him to fuck you senseless or pleaded for him to wait until everyone left. 

As much as his mind told him not to, he knew his body wouldn’t listen as his hand slid down his body until he reached his member that was already halfway hard at the mere thought of you. His mind ran wild thinking of how pretty your moans would sound, how painfully sexy you would look with your mouth around his member or your head thrown back into the pillows, and how beautiful you would look when it was all over.

You were a complete wreck. You had woken up late, seemingly taken way longer than usual to get ready, and you spilt the coffee you had brought from home all over your blouse when you pressed the brakes too hard at a red light. Thankfully you kept an extra shirt in your office, but that didn’t change the fact that you were frazzled beyond belief. 

You somehow managed to make it to work close to on time, but you didn’t bother to wait for Joshua. You had to get up to your office and change your shirt before the now cold coffee seeped through to your skin any further. 

Though, Joshua on the other hand, was patiently waiting in his car for you to arrive, and when he saw you walking at a fast pace, in a frustrated fashion with no sign that you would be waiting for him, he let out a defeated sigh and turned off his car. Was it his fault you were frustrated? Were you still upset at how awkward things had gotten last night? Did you somehow know about his wank session that involved endless imagery of you? He surely hoped it was none of those things, especially the last one, as he made his way up to his desk.

You changed into your spare shirt in the corner of your office as fast as you could, partially because you needed to start working as soon as possible and partially so that no one would see you. The shirt was white and much tighter than you remembered it being, almost to the point that it was uncomfortable, but you didn’t have time to have an issue with it. 

Low and behold, as soon as you sat down and turned your computer on, your boss entered your office. 

“Good morning, Y/N. Happy Friday.” she said professionally. 

“Happy Friday to you as well.” you replied, trying not to sound as out of breath as you were. 

“I have a big meeting on Monday in Chicago. I’ll be leaving on Sunday and unless you want to come in on a Saturday, I highly suggest you finish all of this today.” she said as she handed you a sheet of paper. It was a list that started at the very top of the page and went all the way down to the bottom. 

“M-ma’am, I know you need all of this done, but it’s quite a lot… I’m sure there’s someone else in the office that can take on some of these tasks and help get them done much faster than I could on my own.” you said as kindly as possible, though inside you were both boiling with rage and baffled by how much she was asking of you. 

“Now Y/N…” she stepped closer to your desk and raised her eyebrow, “I promoted you for a reason. Don’t make me regret it.” and before you knew it, she was turning on her heel and walking out the door.

As badly as you wanted to bury your face in your hands and cry from stress, you knew you didn’t have time for that. You went through the list and picked out the shortest tasks to do first and numbered those with a “1”, then you found all of the tasks that were on the computer and labeled those with a “2”, and finally you marked the longer tasks, such as going different places within the building and sorting through files, with a “3”. You felt much more confident after that. 

You worked quickly yet diligently up until lunch time, but you weren’t even done with the shortest tasks yet. As you scarfed down your lunch, you decided you would do the 3 tasks next instead of the 2’s. You figured you would be stuck at work for an extra hour or two, so you would rather walk around the building while it was still populated. 

You grabbed the files you needed and went up to the 8th floor, the top floor where your boss and other executives worked, and got a few signatures. Then, you went down to the 4th and 3rd floors to collect some forms that you needed to fill out and to get information on the meeting your boss was going to. Then you, rather begrudgingly, went down to the 2nd floor where the industrial copier was. There were a few papers that your boss needed 200 copies each of, and the tiny printer in your office wasn’t by any means capable of that.

On the elevator ride down, you tried thinking if there was a route you could take to avoid seeing Joshua at his desk, but you couldn't come up with one. Normally, you’d be ecstatic that you were able to go to his floor and would spend as much time as you could at his desk without getting caught, but you weren’t really sure if he wanted to see you after last night’s awkwardness, and frankly, you didn’t know if you wanted to see him either. 

When the elevator reached the 2nd floor, you stepped out and quickly walked to the room where the copier was with your head down. You walked by Joshua’s desk, but thankfully you didn’t think he noticed you. 

Once you reached the copier, you took out the 4 papers you needed and began scanning them for copies. You waited, and waited, your foot tapping impatiently, and when the machine began printing copies of the 4th paper, there was a light knock at the door. 

“Y/N?” Joshua’s sweet voice called out and you squeezed your eyes shut in defeat.

“Hey,” you replied quietly, though you stayed with your body turned toward the copier. 

“How are you?” he asked kindly, slowly making his way over to you. 

“Bad,” you chuckled at the unbelievability of it all, “What about you?” 

“Um, fine I guess. I missed you this morning…” he said and your brows furrowed.

“You were still in your car when I got here? I was almost late.” you told him, surprise evident in your voice and your eyes wide as you finally looked at him. He was wearing a white button up identical to the one from yesterday, but his pants were khaki instead of black like usual. His hair was styled off of his forehead and it wasn’t helping the state you were in at all. 

“Yeah, well I like you being the first person I see everyday. Makes the thought of going to work a little easier.” he shrugged and you felt like you could cry. How was he so fucking sweet?

“Thanks Josh, I just had a rough morning. I’ll do better next week, but right now I’ve gotta get these papers upstairs.” you said as you bent down to grab the gigantic stack of papers the copier had produced and held them tightly to your chest once you picked them up. You gave him a shy smile and, finally, went back to your office. 

You nearly threw the papers onto your desk and separated them, putting the pieces of paper in stacks with papers alike. You then sat down and began your computer tasks, though once you saw the time on your computer, a heavy weight fell on your shoulders. You only had half an hour of work left, and there was no way you were going to be able to finish everything in that time. Though, again, you shook it off and began working. 

You typed for the remainder of the work day, feeling as if your fingers were about to fall off. You had absolutely no concept of time at that point. Had it been 1 minute or 1 hour? You didn’t know, and before you knew it, you heard a tapping sound coming from the front of your office. 

“Y/N, come on. I walked alone this morning and I’m not about to walk alone now.” 

You buried your face in your hands and let out a very frustrated groan.

“I can’t leave!” you nearly yelled. “My boss gave me this stupid long to-do this morning and unless I wanna come in tomorrow, which I so don’t, I have to finish everything tonight, but it seems like the more I do the longer this list gets and- God this sucks.” you were on the verge of tears, your elbows on your desk and your hands in your hair. You looked down and closed your eyes, not wanting tears to fall in front of Joshua; he’d never seen you cry before. 

The room was silent for a moment, then you heard footsteps. 

“Hey,” Joshua said, squatting down in front of your desk. He moved your hands off of your head and placed your arms on your desk. Red-eyed and reluctantly, you looked at him. “I’m gonna help you, okay? You’ll get everything done tonight and you’ll get to sleep in tomorrow, I promise.” he smiled a toothless, genuine smile. “Let me go get my laptop, alright?” 

On a normal day, you would insist that he should go home, that it was a Friday night and that you knew he had plans and that he should go enjoy them, but you hadn’t been this stressed since you got promoted. That being said, you simply nodded and admired his figure as he exited your office. 

You began attaching the forms you needed him to fill out to an email as you waited. Even though it was on work terms, you were really excited to finally have some alone time with Joshua. You wished you were feeling more bubbly, for his sake, but he knew how to handle you in any state.

He came back with his laptop in one hand and a foldable chair in the other. He walked around to the side of your desk that you were on and set up the chair next to you before putting his laptop on your desk and turning it on. 

“Thank you, Joshua, really. I know you had plans tonight, so it means a lot that you’re helping me.” you told him, but he just nodded. He was always the type to help without feeling the need to be thanked, so he almost never said ‘you’re welcome’.

You were typing and clicking at a rapid pace, forwarding things to your boss and to her colleagues, making sure everyone that was going on the business trip had the information they needed. You weren’t exactly why you were the one getting things for a business trip that you weren’t even going on, but you didn’t question it as you wanted to keep your job. 

At around 9pm, you finally sent out your last email. You sighed loudly and slumped down in your chair dramatically with a blissful smile on your face. Joshua looked down at you and grinned.

“All done?” he asked and you nodded.

“I feel so much better.” you admitted and sat up straight again. You placed your elbow on your desk and rested your cheek in your hand, looking toward Joshua. “Are you almost finished? I can help you with the rest.” 

“Actually,” he clicked his mouse a few times before looking at you, “I’m done too.” he closed his laptop and stood up and you followed suit. You smiled ear to ear and bent down to turn off your computer. Joshua folded the chair he was sitting in and you gathered your things before finally exiting your office. All of the lights in the building were turned off, except the emergency lights, so it was relatively dark. 

“You know,” Joshua began as you made your way to the elevator, “the guys don’t even believe you’re real at this point.” you couldn't help but giggle. 

“Yeah? Because you keep saying I’ll come to things and then I don’t?” you asked and he let out a breathy laugh, entering the elevator with you by his side and pressing the “2” button. 

“I guess so… I must’ve made you sound too good to be true.” he looked over at you, but you kept your gaze on the elevator floor, hiding your blush. Was he playing some sort of game or were you still hypersensitive from the previous night? You figured if he had something to say he would just say it, but maybe he felt the same way as you in terms of not wanting to ruin your friendship… It felt like forever, but you eventually reached the second floor and made your way to Joshua’s workspace. 

He placed his laptop on his desk and you plugged it into the charger as he went to put the chair away. You leaned against his desk as you waited, not exactly sure where he went. You tapped your foot on the linoleum floor and soon Joshua was headed back toward you. Though, the way he was walking was strange. His head was down and he seemed to be twiddling his fingers in front of him.

When he reached you, you stood up straight, a look of concern on your face. 

“Are you oka-” 

“I love you.”

You blinked up at him. “What?”

“Uhh, I’m in love with you. I don’t know why I’m telling you this right now.” he said, avoiding your gaze. 

All you could do was stand still. Normally your body and mind reacted instinctively upon hearing things, but this time you were frozen. He finally looked you in the eyes and you felt your test tighten. 

“Why…” you pondered for a moment, “Why didn’t you say something last night?!” you threw your hands up in the air frustratedly and stepped away from him. His face went from nervous to confused as he turned to look at you. 

“What? Why would I have done that?” 

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I was horny out of my mind?” you raised your voice slightly, and he was looking at you like a deer caught in headlights. You looked at him for a moment, then sighed, burying your face in your hands. “Sorry, that was… anyway what I meant to say is that I like you too, a lot actually, love is just a really scary word and I’ve never been in love before so I didn’t want to word it that way and I’m not only interested in you physically, even though that’s how it sounded, it just would’ve been nice to know that yesterday because I’ve been like, really lonely for a while now and would’ve potentially, no, definitely wanted to hook up or something, but anyway that’s beside point-” 

“Y/N.” Joshua interrupted your extremely nervous ramble and walked up to you, your chests almost touching. He reached up and gently tilted your chin so you were looking up into his beautiful brown eyes. Before you could ask what he was doing, his lips were on yours.

You couldn’t believe it, but his lips felt even softer than they looked. His kiss was gentle, warm, and inviting, just as he was. 

You put your arms around his neck and pulled him closer, wanting to feel him against you as best as you could. His tongue slid into your mouth and his hands began roaming your body. He touched you everywhere he could, as if he’d thought about what he’d do this moment on an endless loop. His hands roamed your sides, squeezing your hips with a groan before moving up to your breasts.

“God this shirt…” he whispered into the kiss. You smirked against his lips as you leaned into his touch. 

“What about it?” you replied quickly, unable to believe how amazing his hands felt even over your blouse. 

“It’s so,” he bit your bottom lip as he pulled away from the kiss, “tight.” you moaned into the kiss as his hands travelled down your body once more. One stopped at your waist and the other continued to your ass. “These skirts are ridiculous too.” he sighed against your lips, pushing your lower half against his. You could feel him growing hard in his pants, his member prodding against your stomach only exciting you further. 

“What?” you laughed, “Are they too tight?” you raised your eyebrow. He smirked against your lips, reaching down and grabbing the back of your thighs before lifting you up and setting you on the desk. You placed a lingering kiss on his lips, “Because I’ll show you tight.” you joked and he chuckled, looking down at the floor.

“I don’t know why I thought you would be able to stay serious this whole time.” he kissed you again, only this time with more force. You kept one hand on the back of his neck and moved the other one to his chest, beginning to unbutton his dress shirt. With each button that came undone, more of his beautiful honey-colored skin was revealed. 

Once his front was fully revealed, you didn’t hesitate to run your hands across his perfectly sculpted chest and down his slender waist to rest on his belt buckle. He quickly untucked your shirt from your skirt and lifted it over your head, tossing it behind you. He unbuckled your bra with ease as he kissed you, almost aggressively pulling it off and tossing it to the side. When his hands finally touched your bare breasts, he let out a long sigh, his kisses becoming sloppier. 

“This is so much better than I imagined.” he grunted, the words going straight between your legs. You couldn’t use words to express how happy, and aroused, it made you to know that Joshua had just as sinful thoughts about you as you had about him. 

Joshua removed his hands from you to pull off his shirt. He dropped it at his feet and returned one hand to your breast, thumb roaming over your nipple as his other hand fiddled with the zipper on the side of your skirt. He tugged it down and you lifted your body enough so that he could pull it off. 

Suddenly he grabbed your hips and slid you forward, your crotch pressing against his. He leaned down and took one of your nipples in his mouth, grinding his hardened member against you. The pressure on your clit and the wetness of his mouth on your breast had you whimpering, your fingers threaded through his platinum locks. 

“J-Joshua, more,” you whined, trying to keep your voice as steady as possible. He sat you up straight and your hands immediately went to work on his belt. Your hands shook slightly as you undid it, your excitement getting the best of you. As soon as it was unbuckled, you popped the button open and unzipped his pants as he quickly toed his shoes off. He kicked his pants off as well and shoved them under the desk with his foot. 

Your hand immediately went to palm his member over his boxers, a beautiful moan falling off of Joshua’s lips. He went from kissing your lips to your neck and you bit your lip, trying not to make the noises your body so desperately wanted to make. 

You sighed before reaching into Joshua’s boxers, beginning to stroke his length. He inhaled sharply at the feeling before letting out a shaky breath. When you reached the top of his cock, you ran your thumb over the tip, precum dripping down his shaft. 

“Y/N,” he moaned, “God I need to fuck you.” he let out a sigh as he rested his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. 

“Then do it.” you smirked, refusing to break eye contact as you slowly slid his boxers down his thighs. You placed a light kiss on his lips and shoved them the rest of the way down. He kicked them to where the rest of his clothes were before grabbing your hip with one hand and resting his other on the desk. He leaned forward and captured your lips in a kiss, continuing to lean forward until you were laying flat against the cold wood. 

He kissed you sweetly as his hand travelled down your body, moving right past where you needed him most, to grip your thigh. You knew he was teasing you and you hated it. 

As soon as you went to complain, his lips were kissing your neck once more. He bit down gently on your skin before sliding his tongue over the wound. You let out a moan as he moved to another spot on your neck, repeating the process on another spot of supple skin. 

You moved your hands to his hair and pulled on it, arching into his touch. He then peppered kisses across your chest before moving to your breasts. He wrapped his mouth around one and his large hand encompassed the other. He sucked on your nipple before pulling on it with his teeth, the action going straight between your legs.

He sloppily kissed his way down your stomach, his hands moving down your legs and removing your heels. When he reached right below your navel, he slowly spread your legs. You were hesitant, being so exposed always made you nervous, but you were too far gone to even think of changing anything. 

He lightly blew on your clit, eliciting a loud moan to fall from your lips. Your back arched and you tugged on his hair, trying to pull him closer to your heat.  

“Tell me what you want.” though his voice sounded sweet, his tone was adamant. He stared at your pussy, glistening beautifully just for him. He couldn’t believe he was finally getting the opportunity to touch you, to feel you. 

“I,” he ran his finger along your heat, collecting your wetness and causing you to let out a shaky breath as he trailed his wet finger down your thigh. “I-I want your mouth.” you rushed. He continued gently roaming his finger all around your lower half, though purposefully avoiding your sensitive spot. 

“Want my mouth… where?” he pouted slightly as he looked up at you from between your legs. 

“Joshua please don’t make me-” he cut you off by slowly licking from your entrance to your clit. He lapped at your pussy, collecting your juices on his tongue before sucking on your clit. You breathed heavily as you grabbed at his hair, whimpers leaving your lips. He kitten licked at your heat as he slid one of his long fingers into you. 

“Oh my god yes,” you moaned breathlessly as he pumped it in and out of you. He soon added a second finger, curling them inside of you before pumping them a few times and repeating the process. The tips of his fingers hit your spot, and he knew it too. You clenched around his fingers and moaned louder than you had the entire night. 

“Joshua…” you said quietly, stopping his hand with yours. He looked up at you with wide eyes, thinking that he had done something wrong. You brought his fingers to your lips and Joshua bit his lip as he watched you suck them clean. You put your hand on the back of his head and crashed your lips to his, the taste of you still on his tongue. 

“What is it?” he whispered against your lips. You let your tongue explore his mouth as he slowly stood up. You reached down to stroke his length once more, Joshua bucking into your hand involuntarily.

“Wanna come on your cock.” you admitted and felt him smirk against your lips. You laid back down eagerly, Joshua leaning with you, continuing the kiss. 

He propped himself up on one elbow and moved his other hand in between your bodies, aligning his cock with your entrance. He kissed you passionately as he slid into you, a guttural moan falling from Joshua’s lips and a high-pitched one falling  from yours. He buried his face in your neck as you got used to the feeling of each other, the euphoria being better than you could have imagined. 

“Okay,” you exhaled and tapped his shoulder. He slowly pulled out of you and then slammed back in, repeating the slow yet menacing process until it was clear the both of you needed more. 

Joshua stood up straight, your hips tight in his grip, and quickened his pace. You could feel every inch of him, a light sweat covering your forehead. 

“Harder,” you pleaded, though your voice was barely audible.

Your wish was his command as he kept the fast pace, but began pounding into you mercilessly. With each thrust he hit your g-spot, causing your back to arch almost painfully.

“You feel so good baby,” he groaned, a quiet moan falling from your lips at the unexpected nickname.

Joshua couldn’t keep his eyes off of you and his ears worked hard to pick up every sound that fell from your lips. Your breasts bounced with each thrust and he could hear how wet you were; how wet he had made you. Other than how sinfully beautiful you looked under him, the fact that he was the one who was making you feel so good was driving him crazy. 

“I’m so close,” you whimpered, eyes closing as you relished in the feeling. One of Joshua’s hands moved from your waist to your clit, adding pressure as he thrusted into you. You cried out, grabbing his hand that was on your hip and digging your nails into it. 

“Look at me,” he demanded. As hard as it was, you opened your eyes and looked directly into his. There was hair sticking to his forehead and a few beads of sweat were rolling down his chest and you swore you could’ve come from the sight of him alone. 

The combination of Joshua’s cock thrusting into you at the perfect angle along with his finger on your clit and the face he made when you clenched around him was enough to throw you over the edge. You came around him, the calling out of his name accompanying your shaking body in its euphoric state. 

As soon as you came down from your high, Joshua pulled out of you and rubbed his length along your heat, cumming on your stomach with a loud moan. 

You laid there, sweaty and exhausted, your chest moving up and down rapidly. You reached up and ran your hands through your hair as Joshua opened one of his desk drawers. He pulled out a napkin and wiped his cum off of you before tossing it into the trash can. 

“Thank you,” you said shyly. He nodded and offered his hand to you. You took it and he pulled you up toward him, a small smile on your face. 

“See I knew you were hot, but that was insane.” he pecked your lips as you laughed.

“Right back at you.” you moved a few of the hairs off of his forehead and admired his slightly dewy features. 

“Now I say,” he ran his hands down your bare sides, “we stay at your place tonight. Our first time having sex should be our first time spending the night together right? I would say we could go to my place, it’s kind of a mess.” he suggested, lacing his fingers together behind your back. You smiled up at him.

“I love you too.” you said and his face dropped.

“What?” he mirrored you with his words. 

“I love you too. I realized I never said it back to you before, but I do.”

Joshua remembered you mentioning not knowing what being in love feels like and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Then, as if a lightbulb went off in his head, he made a face of realization. 

“It was the dick wasn’t it?” he questioned, causing you to let out a laugh.

“What’re you talking about?” you asked as you leaned back on your hands.

“Cause before you were all like ‘oh I don’t know what love is’ and now you’re saying you love me.” he impersonated you and now you were both laughing, specifically at the chances of it all. 

“It wasn’t just the sex… but I will admit it was the deciding factor.” 

“Well, I’m glad you decided to return the feeling.” the conversation ended as his eyes slowly made their way from your face to your neck. “I see I left my mark,” he ran his fingers over the few hickey’s he had left near your collarbones, “Sorry about that.” 

Your eyes fluttered shut at his touch, your skin seemingly more sensitive than it was before. “Stop touching me or I’m gonna try and fuck you again and I would like our next time to be outside of the office.” 

“So you mean like, at the park or something?” you opened your eyes and looked at him with a deadpan expression. He flashed you a dorky smile, but you just rolled your eyes, standing up to collect your clothing.

He tried to convince you that what he’d said was funny as the both of you got dressed, but you simply nodded and threw out an ‘mhm’ here and there. 

As you left the office, hand in hand for the first time, you decided to stop by Joshua’s apartment so he could pick up some clothes for the weekend (he didn’t plan on going home until he had to) and to drop off his car, then head over to your place. 

Once you arrived at your apartment, you took a somehow innocent shower together. Both of you were tired, but neither of you were through with feeling the other’s skin on your own. You took your time getting ready for bed, running a comb through your hair and applying moisturiser. You talked to Joshua and it felt like nothing had changed, you were still the best friends you were before, and you wondered if that meant you were in love with each other the entire time, maybe even before you ever realized you liked him. 

You settled into your bed, Joshua’s bare chest under your head. He ran his hand through your damp hair as your eyelids grew heavier. 

“So I guess we’re, what, together now?” he asked and you looked up at him.

“I’d like that if you would, yeah.” you said quietly, hoping that after your evening the two of you were on the same page. 

“More than anything.” 

He kissed your forehead and you returned to your spot on his chest, a thankful, thoroughly pleased smile on your face as you drifted off to sleep. 

a/n: hi.. sooooo this is my first time writing a ~lengthy one shot and also my first time writing smut and i kNOW that it’s not very GOOD but i tried ok i promise i Will get better but yeah this is like 2/10 stars so i apologize :( i hope if anything that you guys like the storyline and/ or the dialogue or idk i hope you guys at least like one aspect about it sdjlsfjlkjsdf this was a bit rushed so admittedly it could be better but truthfully i got really excited about writing it ANYWAY!! i chose to write this based on the results from the writing preferences survey i have pinned! so if you wanna fill it out if you haven’t that would be super :^) again i hope you guys liked this and thank you so so much for reading <3

[kuroosweakness]

pouring rain | miya atsumu | pt. 1

summary: timeskip!atsumu: in which atsumu meets you for the first time 

word count: about 1,900

a/n: my first mini fic without an established relationship :) i’d love love love to what you think of it!!

atsumu scoffs and skids his shoe across the sidewalk. small rocks fly up in the air and tumbles down back on the concrete. is he really off his game today? no, it just seems like his teammates couldn’t do their job and just score. oh no, he’s going back to the same toxic mindset he had in high school. only this time, osamu isn’t here to kick him back to his senses. 

with a heavy sigh and hands deep in his pockets, atsumu reluctantly turns back towards the gym. his head hangs low as he feels people’s eyes staring at him in judgement. atsumu lifts his head to glare at them, only to find no one’s looking at him. he sighs again and slowly turns the door knob to the gym entrance. a wave of warm air hits him. he forgot how warm it is inside the gym compared to outside. 

“tsum-tsum, you’re back!” bokuto exclaims, jogging over to him and giving atsumu a big pat on the back. atsumu narrows his eyes at him, trying to find some snarky remark to say but decides against it. 

“yeah, i am,” he quietly says. his eyes dart around the almost empty gym. “where’d everyone go?” 

“home. it’s said to rain soon and since the practice game’s over, they headed home early. it’s just hinata and i.” 

right on cue, atsumu’s eyes find hinata waving at them while drinking water. 

“we need a setter to practice with us-” 

atsumu waves him off mid-sentence. “not today. i’m gonna head home.” 

hinata dashes over and atsumu quickly puts on an even grumpier face to resist hinata’s cheery eyes. 

“you usually always stay after practice,” hinata points out and starts doing high-knees in place, then arm circles. 

“well, today’s different.” atsumu reaches down for his bag and slings it over his shoulder. he needs to get out of the stuffy gym as soon as possible. “see ya guys later,” he calls and pushes the gym doors open. 

“see ya!” he hears bokuto and hinata call. 

oh he can’t wait until he gets home. when he gets home? and then what? by ‘home,’ he means the little apartment he recently moved into that’s always cold and dark when he goes back. not a very welcoming place, especially not with today��s grey, cloudy weather. 

atsumu trudges across the sidewalk and waits for the walking signal before crossing the street. a crowd of people walks towards him so he walks to the very right to avoid any contact. just four more blocks until he gets home. 

the near distance is the main reason atsumu chose the apartment. the short walking distance between home and the gym is nice, especially after tedious hours of practice. what’s even better is the fact that ‘samu’s restaurant is only a couple blocks away. 

oh, ‘samu! atsumu’s eyes widens as he straightens his posture. the thought of biting into a warm, delicious onigiri is enough to make his stomach growl and his mouth drool. only three more turns, he thinks, pacing his steps to avoid stepping on the sidewalk cracks. he suddenly remembers the way he’d laugh at osamu when they were children everytime osamu stepped on a sidewalk crack. 

“step on a crack and break your momma’s back~” atsumu would say as he held his stomach in laughter. his laughter quickly died down when osamu calmly reminded atsumu that they have the same mom. 

the skies are darkening. the clouds appears to be getting thicker. it’s only a matter of time before rain starts to pour down. good thing i beat the rain here, atsumu smiles and opens to the door to osamu’s restaurant. 

as usual, he walks over to the very end of the store and settles himself on a stool. good thing no one has taken his spot. he places his bag on the empty stool next to his right gives it a small pat before hollering out for his twin’s name. 

“‘samu! your favorite sibling is here~” 

osamu’s figure appears behind the counters. he’s wearing a black shirt and black pants with an apron covered in flour placed over them. on top of his head is his usual black cap. 

“and my least favorite sibling,” the cook chuckles before frowning at atsumu’s face. “why do you look so stupid?” 

atsumu pulls back and huffs. “stupid? is this how you greet me after a long day?” 

osamu’s lips slowly tugs upwards. he reaches down and dries a bowl with a grey towel. “care to tell me what happened?” 

“let me have some food first.” 

osamu rolls his eyes and places a plate with three beautifully wrapped onigiris on top in front of atsumu. atsumu’s eyes immediately glows as he snatches an onigiri and chomps down. 

“you didn’t even wash your hands.” osamu sighs and reaches for another bowl. 

“my sets weren’t so good today,” atsumu mumbles, setting his onigiri down and looking into the distance. “and so i got mad at my teammates for not scoring. they got mad at me and said that it wasn’t them, it was because of my sets. i don’t know why i’m not on top of my game like every day.” 

osamu goes silent. his drying pace slows down. “...’tsumu, you haven’t taken any breaks since you joined msby. maybe you ought to slow down and take care of your health.” 

to osamu’s surprise, atsumu doesn’t defend back. he just heavily sighs and takes another bite. “i guess so.” 

“oh look,” osamu nods towards the nearest window. “it’s already sprinkling.” 

“good thing i never remember to unpack my bag so my umbrella’s on me. gotta work smarter, not harder~ ” atsumu smirks and slowly steps out of his seat. “better get going before it rains even harder. bye ‘samu, thanks for the food.” 

osamu nods. “i’ll see you later.” 

atsumu slings his bag over his shoulder and heads toward the front door, only to see you also head for the door. who goes first...? atsumu awkwardly gestures toward the door. “you first.” 

you take in the sight before you. a tall, muscular, blonde guy who looks ... well, a little weird. handsome? yes. also really dumb. it’s so cold today, yet he’s wearing a sleeveless top. you scoff, it’s probably because he wants to show off those arms, isn’t it? 

from his frown, you realize your scoff was a little too loud. before embarrassing yourself any further, you give him a small nod and opens the door. as you step out, you leave a hand on the door to keep it open for him. he gives you a small nod as a thanks and steps out under the roof a few feet away from you. 

the sound of pitter-pattering is all you hear. water droplets skids down the brown roof and plop, onto your shoes. at least it’s not pouring, you think as you pull your hood over your head, ready to dash into the rain all the way home. 

as if right on cue, the swaying of the tree speeds up. the pit-pattering turns violent. 

“i um, have an umbrella if you want to ... share.” 

you turn to look at him in surprise. he unzips his bag and pulls out a small black foldable umbrella. with a press of a button, the umbrella opens. 

“if your home is in walking distance, i can drop you off,” he says with a shrug. he places the umbrella over your head and gives you an awkward smile. 

trusting a stranger to walk me home, what can possibly go wrong? you sarcastically thought. “you’re osamu’s twin, aren’t you?” 

“so you’ve heard about me,” he says with a smug smile, possibly one of the most annoying smiles you’ve ever seen. annoying, because they’re hard to resist. 

it’s hard not to when there are billboards with your face on them all around here. “yeah, i have. you’re... miya atsumu?” 

“that’s right. and you’re ...?” 

“y/n... maybe you can drop me off at a convenience store so I can buy an umbrella there and walk the rest of the way home. where i live is pretty far away...” it’s not that you believe he’ll murder you, but that he’ll have to walk all that distance and back just to drop you off. you can’t have a stranger go all that way for you. 

“are ya sure? the umbrellas in convenience stores are always expensive. i’m not looking forward to heading home anyways so don’t worry about me.” 

... “well, okay. my apartment’s across from ‘hug a mug’ cafe, if you know where that is.” 

to your surprise, atsumu chuckles. “yeah i know where that is. i can’t but laugh everytime i hear their name.” 

“it’s cute,” you defend. “you know, like getting a warm, toasty hug along with a cup of coffee.” 

atsumu blinks at you and appears to what you said into thought. “i guess i should go to ‘hug a mug’ more often then, shouldn’t i?” he steps out into the rain and waits until you step under the umbrella to start walking. 

“yeah, you should. business has been slow for them lately. every time i go, there are barely any customers.” you look at to avoid stepping in puddles, and to avoid walking too close to him. every time you inch a bit further from him, he just seems to center the umbrella with wherever your head is.

“i should recommend ‘hug a mug’ to my teammates then. i’ll have to go try it out first, of course, just to make sure i’m not recommending anything bad,” he chuckles along his last lines. 

“...atsumu, your shoulder.” 

“my what?” he whips his head in your direction. 

“you’re not covering your shoulder,” you point out. water’s running down his right arm. 

“it’s fine,” he replies, and leans back to peek at your shoulder to make sure it’s not like his. “osamu and i used jump in puddles and compete with each other to see who could make the biggest splash. whenever i made a big splash, osamu would pretend he didn’t see it.” 

you softly laugh under your breath. the puddles ahead of you are quite tempting. but you know better not to jump in, for the possibility of splashing on his shoes and pants. who knows how much his shoes might cost? he’s a professional volleyball player, afterall. 

“just one more turn, right?” atsumu asks. “oh look, the rain has slowed down.” 

little droplets of water slides off the black umbrella in front of you. “yeah, you can drop me off here, i’ll walk the rest of way since it’s barely raining anymore-” 

he huffs. “drop you off at a random corner? and what happens if it starts pouring again?” 

... with a few more steps, you spot hug a mug across from the street and points it out to him. “see? we’re here. my apartment is just on the second floor. i’ll get going now, thanks for sharing your umbrella...” you give him a small wave before speed-walking up the stairs to your apartment. 

halting in mid-step, you turn to see if he’s still there, only to see a bare sidewalk with water running down the drains. he must’ve left already. 

as you unlock the door to your home, atsumu’s walking back home with a stupid grin spread across his face, finally letting out the breath he’s been holding in since he left his brother’s restaurant. if only if he had walked slower, then maybe the conversation with you would’ve lasted longer. 

[cmtwimagines]

Not In Control

AARON HOTCHNER X READER

SUMMARY: You never thought you’d become one of the victims that you fight for.

WARNINGS: Sexual Assault

WORD COUNT: 2.5k

As you walked down the sidewalk, you were positive you weren’t even in your body. You felt as if you were ripped out of your skin and your soul was slowly dragging itself back to the current police station that you and the team were settled in, working on this new case. Your mind ran blank, your body so clearly shaken up but you just couldn’t get a grip on what you were doing or what just happened. Your shirt was untucked from your pants, a few buttons missing, exposing some of your stomach. Your pants didn’t feel like they fit right anymore, maybe it had to do with the panic sweat that accumulated all over your body making the pants stick to your thighs like glue.

“y/n?” You heard your name being called out in the distance. It was like your head was in a cloud, any sound ringing around you making it impossible to focus on anything other than simply walking without falling over.

“Jesus Christ, y/n? Are you with me? What happened?” The same voice popped back up, sounding panicked. You still didn’t register anything until you felt a hand on your shoulder, quickly bringing you back down from the clouds as a cry escaped your mouth.

“Don’t touch me! Stop!” Whoever’s hand it was, they were quick to remove it, and you were even quicker to fall to the ground, pushing yourself to the nearest wall.

“Y/n, it’s just me. It’s Aaron, and Emily’s here with me,” you blinked a few times, the sound of Aaron’s voice bringing you a bit more clarity to see that you were in fact not alone. You were in the entrance of the police department, the environment relatively quiet around you, and not just Emily but the entire team plus a few cops watching everything unfold in front of them.

Your hands were shaking, your heartbeat rising as you finally gained the ability to register what just happened. A sob escaped your mouth, and as you went up to begin wiping tears from your face you were met with the back of your hand being covered in blood.

“He wanted to hurt you, Aaron,” is all you managed to get out through the sobs that wouldn’t stop. You could feel yourself begin to hyperventilate, your mind racing and replaying all of what just happened to you. His hands covering your mouth and neck to shut you up as he pushed you against the brick wall, not even a block from here. His grimy fingers believing they had the right to your body as he stuffed his hands down your pants and threatened to kill you if you made any sound. You thought he was for-sure going to kill you afterwards, why wouldn’t he? What surprised you the most was that he didn’t go any further. Instead, after a few moments of violating you, his breath was back on your neck.

“Now tell Aaron, the ball is in his court. I’d love to see him try to top this. I’ve been watching how he looks at you. Boy, is that man in love. Hopefully this will hurt him. If not, at least I get the satisfaction of knowing it sure as hell hurt you,” he had the audacity to laugh after that, right before smashing your head into the wall behind you and ditching you right there in the alleyway. It didn’t take you long after that to get back on your feet, leading you to where you are now.

“Hey y/n, calm down okay? Can I touch you? Can I grab your hand?” Aaron was being gentle, his usual stern voice gone, and an upset, gentle one taking control of his vocal chords. Your tears haven’t stopped, and your chest felt unbearably tight, but you nodded to let him know that he could touch you. You needed him to touch you. You needed him to take away the feeling of the other mans hands.

Aaron moved slow as he sat down next to you and grabbed your hands, attempting you calm you down with soothing words and a low voice. You tried not to think about the incident and to just focus on what he was saying and the feeling of his hands in yours. You were calming down, enough to notice that the others had dispersed, clearly knowing that space was necessary and that they’ll be filled in on what happened soon enough.

“Now I need you to tell me who did this to you, and if you can manage to tell me, what they did to you,” Aaron calmly spoke, taking advantage of your more even breathing and seemingly clearer mind.

“I know I shouldn’t have been walking alone. You even told me not to and I went against your wishes and did it anyway. I’m so sorry, I’m so stupid, I just needed some air,” your tears started to pick back up at the memory of Aaron specifically saying that with a serial rapist and murderer being loose in this small town, that it simply wasn’t safe for any woman to be on the streets by themselves. You don’t know why you suddenly thought the rules didn’t apply to you, but you had wished that you listened. Aaron was always right after all.

“Don’t apologize, just tell me what happened so I can help,” he quipped back, getting desperate to get to the bottom of things so he can help catch whoever did this to you. His ability to stay focused on the actual Unsub was growing stronger now that you were the victim. All he wanted to do was hold you and never let you go, but you both had jobs to do.

“It was the mailman. I don’t remember his name, but r-remember? he even came into the station to give us a letter he had supposedly come across on one of his mail runs,” his face stuck in your mind, and you squeezed your eyes shut, just hoping for a second of piece without picturing his face looking down on you, “he wanted to hurt you, so he hurt me knowing the affect it would have on both of us,” you sucked in a deep breath, just trying to get through telling Aaron what happened without full on sobbing again. 

“Did he-”

“Not fully. He just- he pushed me against the wall and just used his hands, but he didn’t take it any further,” you cut off Aarons question, answering what you knew he was going to ask, “but he still violated me, and he did it with the intent of hurting us. Then he slammed my head against the wall, and after that i somehow made it back here.”

He was silent for a minute while your crying picked back up. His hands squeezed your a bit tighter before he decided to move in a little closer and surround you with a hug. You could tell he was hesitant, but you pulled him even tighter against you, trying to memorize the feeling and replace the memories. 

“I’m sorry i wasn’t there to help you,” he started. You shook your head, knowing none of this was Aaron’s fault. In fact he even warned you, but even then deep down you knew it wasn’t your fault either, it was his. 

“C’mon, lets get you to a more comfortable place while i tell the team who it was so we can catch him, yeah?” you nodded, accepting his offer as he did most of the work of lifting you up. He brought you into a quiet room just off the main room that everyone was waiting patiently in. You passed the team who offered you distraught and worried faces, but you weren’t ready to speak out-loud to anyone other than Aaron. He was your rock, and while you wish none of this had ever happened to you, you sure as hell were glad you were with him. 

You didn’t pay much attention to Aaron as he stated he’ll be right back once you were settled into a comfortable chair. You pulled your knees up to rest your chin on them. You could hear Aaron talking in the other room, and the others talking back but the words weren’t clear to you. You just wanted to forget everything that happened. You felt guilt settle in your stomach knowing you could’ve avoided this if you had just listened to what you were told. Now you were putting the team in a weird situation because you were the one and only of this unsubs’ victims thats alive. You knew the most information out of anyone to be able to catch this guy, but all you wanted to do was forget.

Aaron was quick to come back in and announce that he was taking you to the hotel the team was staying in. You didn’t fight, knowing you would be no help here. 

“Are you going to stay with me?” you asked, as you sat in the passenger seat while Aaron drove towards the hotel. He looked at you briefly before nodding.

“Of course. I’ll still be working with the team over the phone, but i don’t want to leave you alone.” 

You were beyond grateful to have someone like Aaron. The two of you didn’t have a defined relationship, but you knew there was definitely more than platonic love between you two and you wouldn’t have wanted anyone else by your side during this.

“He-,” you paused, knowing the words coming out of your mouth were going to be hard, “he didn’t rape me, Aaron. i just want you to know that. He took advantage of me in one way, but he didn’t fully assault me,” and by the way his eyebrows scrunched, you could tell your entire sentence left his mind running wildly.

“He still assaulted you, y/n. It should’ve never happened and you’re still hurt and most likely traumatized by it. It doesn’t matter if he didn’t “fully assault” you, he did enough.”

The car ride was quiet after that. You knew he was right and you were just trying to downplay what happened so you could try and convince yourself that it wasn’t that big of deal, but it was. No one has the right to touch your body without consent, everyone knows that and yet there’s still people like him that feel they’re deserving of forcibly touching you.

You were too deep in thought to realize that Aaron had already parked and began to walk around the car to your side. The sound of your door opening made you jump, before realizing it was just him. He didn’t question you, he figured you’d be stuck in your head for a bit, instead he just wordlessly helped you out of the car and towards your hotel room. 

The second the door closed behind the two of you, you could feel the tension in the room. Is he upset with you for not listening to him earlier? Is he judging you for not being able to fight back? or are these just things that you’re upset with yourself about?

“Are you upset with me?” you blurted out. At this point, the ability of censoring your words or thoughts were out of the picture. You were still wound up and hurt, and you needed the room to not be filled with unnecessary tension. You needed his comfort. His frown deepened as he made eye contact with your worried eyes. You were looking at him as if you might cry again, and he hated it. He hated seeing you so distraught when he knows you to be one of the toughest people he’s met.

“Why would i be mad at you?”

“I didn’t listen to you earlier about not going outside by myself,” you accentuated with your hands, “you literally said it was dangerous for any woman to go outside by themselves and i still did it! I must look so stupid!”

“Are you kidding, y/n?” a deep sigh escaped through his nose as he just stared at you, “In no way is any of this your fault. I need you to understand and believe that. No, i am in no way mad at you, so please get that out of your head. I’m worried. I feel a bit sick knowing something like this has happened to you, but i am no where near mad. I’m thankful you’re still alive. This is about you, and how you’re hurting, and i just need you to believe that i’m not mad and that i will do anything to help you work through this. We’re going to find this man, and lock him up for the rest of his life. I still feel like thats not enough for what he’s done to you and many others, but he’s not going to win in any way.”

You didn’t realize you had started to cry again, nodding you head as Aaron approached you carefully and wrapped his arms around you. You could tell he wanted to say so much more, and that he wanted to do so much more, but there wasn’t anything he could do. 

“I love you, you know that right?” he whispered into your hair. You nodded. You’ve known for awhile that he loves you. It’s been shown in the light touches he’ll give you throughout the day. The way he looks at you when he talks. The way he hangs onto every word you say, and always forms a response just to hear you continue to talk. It’s also in the way that he’s always been the first one to approach you after a bad case to ensure that you were doing alright, and he always accepted your need for physical affection to help you cope with the tragedies’ you all experience. 

“I know. I love you too, Aaron,” you responded. He continued to hold you in a hug, before pulling away a bit to look down at you. He asked you questions along the line of you being hungry or if you wanted him to put on your favorite show so you could lay in bed and distract yourself for awhile. You accepted all of his efforts and by the end of the first hour of being in the hotel, you were cuddled up in the bed watching your favorite sitcom while stomaching a few of the fruits that were cut up and placed in front of you.

Aaron occasionally took calls from the team, working with them, but his body was always connected with you in some way, as if he was afraid you’d disappear if he wasn't touching you. The mailman, who’s name you found out to be Daniel, was caught and arrested within hour four of you and Aaron laying in bed, and your mind was put to ease a bit knowing he couldn’t hurt anyone else. 

It was going to take awhile to cope with what happened to you. Everyone on the team knew that, but you were brought a bit of comfort and peace knowing you had all the right people surrounding and supporting you, and that you had Aaron to fall back on. You would get through this, it was just going to take some time.

[babygirl-diaz]

Confined Spaces

(No idea where this came from. The fic has both SamSteve and SamBucky scenes)

***

“I just hate him so much,” Sam grumbled, storming into Steve’s bedroom.

“Hello to you, too, babe,” said Steve, without looking up from the book he was reading.

Sam rolled his eyes and fell back on the couch. “Did you have to make us spar together?”

“Figured that would give you the opportunity to get to know each other. Become a better team.”

“Oh yeah, we are becoming quite the team. Now I only have the urge to kill him twice a day as opposed to three times a day before.” Sam replied sarcastically.

Steve sighed and tossed aside his book before getting up from his bed and making his way over to Sam. He sat down beside Sam and took his hand in his. “Can’t you at least try to get along with him? For me?” He asked, his eyes soft and pleading. “I am not asking you to be friends, but at least try to work together.”

“And why aren’t you asking him this?” Sam asked, narrowing his eyes at his boyfriend.

“What makes you think I haven’t?” Steve leaned in to kiss along Sam’s neck.

“Are you trying to seduce me into getting along with your best friend?” Sam asked. Not that he minded being seduced.

“I am seducing you into having sex with me,” Steve replied and brought Sam’s hand over to his sweatpants-covered crotch. “So hard for you, baby.”

Sam cupped Steve’s face between his hands and brought him closer to kiss him. He deepened their kiss and ravished his boyfriend’s mouth. Steve started to lower him onto the couch, and Sam stopped him by pushing his hard chest.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked breathlessly.

“This couch is too uncomfortable,” Sam replied. “Let’s go to your bed.” He got up and extended his hand for Steve to take it and led him to the bed. They continued to kiss as they took off each other’s clothes. Sam pushed Steve down on the bed and climbed on top of him.

***

The next morning, Sam woke up with his head on top of Steve’s chest and his arm thrown around his waist. He looked up to find Steve staring at him and furrowed his eyebrows. “Have you been watching me sleep again?”

“Can’t help it,” said Steve. “You just look so peaceful and beautiful when you’re asleep.”

“Not weird at all,” Sam teased and kissed Steve’s chest.

“So last night was…” Steve trailed off.

“...yeah” Sam agreed

“Round two?” Steve grinned and turned them around so that he was on top of Sam. He leaned down to kiss Sam, and Sam returned the kiss with an equal amount of fervor.

But a knock on the door ruined the moment. “Steve!” Barnes’s voice came from the other side, making Sam groan in frustration.

“Seriously?” He asked.

Steve shrugged and kissed Sam once more before getting up to open the door, much to Sam’s displeasure.

“Morning Buck, what’s up?” Steve asked, opening the door.

“Just came to call you for breakfast.”

Barnes looked past Steve and at Sam, which made Sam frown and pull the sheets even closer to his body. “Mornin’ Wilson,” he greeted, giving Sam a shit-eating grin. “Sounds like you had a great time last night.”

“Bucky--” Steve warned

Barnes put his hands up in surrender. “Sorry. Now come on. Breakfast is getting cold.”

“Guess round 2 will have to wait,” Steve sighed, closing the door after Barnes.

“So he’s a cock block now, too,” Sam grumbled. Just when Sam thinks he can’t hate Barnes anymore, the man proves him wrong.

***

“Shit!” Sam hissed and tried to close the elevator door when he saw Barnes approaching. The doors almost shut, and Sam was about to let out a sigh of relief when a metal hand stopped them from closing.

“Oh hey, Sam. Didn’t see you there,” Barnes lied as he got on and decided to stand right next to Sam despite the spacious elevator.

Sam ignored him and instead busied himself on his phone. There was a message from Steve telling him to ‘Hurry up and come over already’ because he apparently had a surprise for Sam.

Sam smiled to himself and responded with a quick ‘On the elevator. Be there soon.' when the whole elevator shook, the lights flickered, and suddenly it came to a complete stop. “What the hell?” Sam said to himself as he reached out to press the open button, but it didn’t work. The whole elevator had shut down.

“Well, that worked. Thanks, Wilson,” Barnes said sarcastically.

“I don’t see you doing anything!” Sam snapped.

“Are you freaking out?” Barnes asked, amusement in his voice.

“What? Of course, I’m not freaking out!” Sam reached out to press the intercom button, but no one answered. He was getting really warm. “Why is no one answering?” Sam asked as he pressed the intercom button again.

Barnes looked at his watch. “It’s Richie’s lunchtime. He must be out.” Richie was the building security guard. A sweet guy, but he always disappeared at the worst times. Barnes sat down on the ground like this was the most natural thing in the world. Like he got stuck in this elevator all the damn time. Maybe he did. Who knows? “Just relax, man.”

“I AM RELAXED!” Sam yelled. He took off his sweatshirt and tossed it aside.

“Of course you are,” Barnes said sarcastically.

Sam ignored him and reached out to ring the emergency button. “Hello? Anybody there?!” He called out but of course, no one answered.

He kept ringing the emergency button, but still, nothing happened. “Hello?!” He called out desperately.

“It’s not gonna work,” Barnes unhelpfully supplied. “There is no one out there.”

If they survived this, Sam was about to have a very serious talk with Steve about living in a place with this death trap.

“Why is it so hot in here?” Sam pulled at his t-shirt to air himself as he paced the floor of the elevator. He was sweating through the shirt, drenching it.

“What are you talking about?” Barnes asked. “It’s like 50 degrees today.”

Sam turned to look at the other man and saw him just sitting there without a worry in the world and he didn’t look like he was drenching through his shirt like Sam. Sam brought his shirt up to his forehead and wiped it as he continued pacing. He stopped and looked around, and suddenly it felt like the walls were closing in on him.

“Wilson-- Sam, hey!” A hand on Sam’s shoulder startled him and he realized he was breathing harshly.

“You’re freaking out…” Barnes pointed out. “Come on, sit down.”

Sam didn’t fight Barnes as he helped him sit down on the floor.

“Just take deep breaths, okay?” Barnes urged. “In and out.”

Sam followed along with him and breathed in and out, just like he had asked him.

“Good…” Barnes said encouragingly. “Just keep doing that, yeah?”

Sam nodded and followed Barnes’s lead. He felt himself relax a little and threw his head back against the wall of the elevator and closed his eyes.

“You feel any better?” Barnes asked him.

“Yeah, I think I do,” Sam replied.

They sat there in comfortable silence, neither of them saying anything until Sam spoke up. “When I was 9 years old, there was this kid, a year older than me, who used to bully me. One day after school, he locked me in the teacher’s closet. I don’t know how long it was before the janitor found me. It was bad, man. I was freaking out, crying, I’d even pissed myself. That’s why I don’t like confined spaces.” Sam stopped and looked at Barnes. “Don’t know why I’m telling you this. No one outside of my family knows the story.”

“Not even Steve?”

“He knows I don’t like small spaces, but doesn’t know why,” Sam replied.

“I don’t like heights,” Barnes admitted, much to Sam’s surprise. “There’s no traumatic experience associated with it. I just don’t like heights. Never have.”

“And I’d rather be flying high--”

When Barnes smirked, Sam gave him a disapproving look. “Not like that!” Shaking his head, he continued. “Than be grounded and stuck in a confined space.” He picked up his phone to see if there were any bars, but of course, there wasn’t because metal death traps also jam phone signals.

Another comfortable silence fell between them, and this time it was Barnes who broke it. “Why don’t we get along, Sam?”

Taken aback by the question, Sam looked at Barnes and noticed him staring at the door. “Because you tried to kill me?”

“But that’s in the past now…” Barnes pointed out.

“Still doesn’t change the fact that you tried to kill me,” Sam replied. “No idea why you hate me. Is it because of my relationship with Steve?”

“W- what?” Barnes stuttered, and Sam’s eyes widened. So he was right.

“You’re jealous of Steve and I!”

“What?” Barnes scoffed. “Why would I be jealous of you and Steve?” There was something in his voice that gave him away.

“Because you’re in love with Steve…” Sam trailed off

“What?!” Barnes started to laugh. “You-- you think I’m in love with STEVE?” He held onto his stomach as he fell sideways laughing. “This is the funniest thing I’ve heard all day.”

Sam felt his cheeks heat up, and he pushed him, causing him to completely fall to the floor.

When he got back up, he kept on laughing, but it slowly died down. “Steve is like my younger brother. Me being in love with him would be disturbing.”

“Fine, so if you’re not in love with Steve, then why do you hate me?” Sam asked.

“Because… every time you open your mouth, you annoy me,” Barnes replied.

“Wow… thanks…” Sam rolled his eyes

The elevator shook, causing Sam to scream and grab onto Barnes, hiding his face into Barnes’s shoulder.

The elevator started to move again and Sam looked up from Barnes’s shoulder to find their faces a little too close to each other. “Because if I didn’t hate you then--”

Before Barnes could finish his thought, the elevator dinged and came to a stop. Sam immediately pulled away from him and stood up.

The doors opened to reveal Steve standing there with a worried expression on his face. He pulled Sam into a tight hug when Sam got out of the elevator. “You okay?! I heard the elevator was stuck and your last message said you were on it and I just- I got so worried” He took Sam’s face between his hands and kissed him hard.

“I’m good, babe,” Sam assured him, pulling apart.

“I’m fine too, Steve. Thanks for asking,” Barnes chimed in sarcastically.

“Sorry, Buck,” Steve replied. “Glad to see that you’re good.” He then looked at Sam and asked, “Are you okay? I know you’re not a fan of small spaces.”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Barnes was really helpful.”

“Well, I’m just glad he was there,” Steve said and pulled Sam into another hug.

“Me too,” Sam replied and looked over Steve’s shoulder to see Barnes watching them. “Thank you.” Sam mouthed, which caused Barnes to smile before heading inside the apartment.

[rouiyan]

𝘔𝘠 𝘗𝘜𝘊𝘒 𝘐𝘕 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘎𝘖𝘈𝘓 [ 𝘭.𝘥𝘩 ]

⧏ hyuck’s installment of the keep your cool collective ⧐

synopsis: you’ve decided that the boy in ‘66’ is yours.

✧ ice hockey player!hyuck x (fem.) reader x ice hockey player!jeno + best friend!renjun

✧ genres : fluff, minor angst ✧ word count : 2.3k ✧ disclaimer : swearing

✧ author’s note — finally my brain had the gall to pull through with this idea but i'm left with the realization that all my hyuck fics are just him simping for u.

hyuck internally sighs, his head ringing and ankles sore, as the buzzer goes off, signaling the end of the third round. he’s almost elated, even though he’s sure his team hasn’t won, by just the fact that the game is over. hyuck is by no means sick of ice hockey but lately, the mere idea of it drives him into exhaustion. as he turns to expect the disappointed stare of his coach, he’s surprised when he’s met with a halfhearted smirk. weird, the coach should know more than anyone how lazily this game had played out. but then, as an afterthought, he checks the scoreboard and realizes with an oh shit, that they were tied with the opposing team, somehow.

his line of vision is parting from the board when he makes unfortunate eye contact with the person entering the rink. your hair is pulled back with a pale pink scrunchie and your outfit is a certified mess of oversized hoodie and sweat shorts upon white sneakers. he can quite literally feel the heat that is quick to rush to his cheeks, unfailing to hide his flustered state. he knows he looks stupid but he still can't help but stare and ogle at new and blatant eye candy as she crosses the threshold into the cold space. half your figure is  now covered by the wall that separates the stands with the rink though it doesn't matter because he's still equally enamoured by simply your presence. 

"hyuck, why you staring at y/n?"

hyuck can only wince inwardly as he stutters out, "that's- that's y/n?" it seems unfair that renjun's been hoarding such a pretty specimen to himself. "like your best friend, y/n?"

"yeah, what about her?"

"br-bro, you never mentioned that she was pretty."

"hey, don't even think about it. you're the last possible person i'd set her up with. plus, she's with jeno, they went on a date after practice last time, remember?"

there's an underlying disappointment in donghyuck's tone when he's only able to produce a soft, "oh," because frankly he doesn't know why he's so worked up over someone who he's never even met and that's also dating one of his close teammates. amidst his confused trance, he almost fails to notice his coach call for a pre-game huddle.

he ends up tuning out most of it, now distracted by how jeno keeps glancing back at you and making funny faces, you returning them with the! cutest! little expressions he has ever had the pleasure to lay his eyes upon. the rest of the game is played out with enthusiasm on his part, even going so far as scoring in two more points. he's quick to doubt the truth but donghyuck knows that it's whoever that girl is in the front seats that's making him outdo himself.

the game ends and his team wins, claps and cheers at how the game had turned around in their favor, but donghyuck reverts into a sulky demeanor as soon as he's off the rink and into the locker rooms. he notices jeno, being quick and almost feisty with the other boys that are taking too long for his liking in hogging the showers. donghyuck assumes it has something to do with the (gorgeous, wtf) girl that's waiting on him for a date. hardly fair, he thinks, if only he'd met you earlier by chance, he knows he'd definitely have the ability to charm you out of your wits. after all, he's smart, his face is undeniably agreeable, his sense of humor is top notch, and well, what's not to like?

instead of getting closer to you as he so hoped he would, he ends up becoming more familiar with the routine disappointment, and yet delight, at seeing you show up after practices, games, and eventually, team gatherings outside the rink. he's okay with it, he thinks. but it becomes frequent, even, that you show up out of the blue, with the invitation from jeno, and he's starting to lose his cool when it comes to the simplest of interactions. being included in a conversation with you was no problem, as long as he wasn't talking. eye contact? bearable, but not for more than half a second. and the utmost unfortunate luck for the boy if you ever asked him to pass you a fork, or a spoon, or a goddamned napkin. 

he's not so sure anymore, one sullen night, that he could ever make you his, even if he was gifted the chance. when you're not by jeno's side, you're by renjun's, and if that isn't telling enough about how uncomfy you feel around everyone else, he wouldn't know any better. but even laying within the deepest, darkest parts of night, the screen on his phone displaying your more recent instagram post of you on jeno's back, a sun setting beach painted behind the two of you, he finds his heart yearning to know more about you. he knows you're not one to reach out, to make friends unless in a situation that calls for it, so he supposes now is as good as a time as any to shoot his shot, at being friends.

he braves himself for this hefty task. his breaths are ragged and his heart is already hammering a deep crater inside his chest at just the thought of following through with his plan. his fingers are shaking and his pupils are twitting at about the same pace and it appears that none of his bodily functions seem to be within his control anymore. but before he can press the button, his door is thunked wide open with a hard force, the handle even going so far as to lodge itself neatly into the wall that's now been broken through. donghyuck's mouth is hanging ajar but he's barely surprised to see that the culprit of such heinous and costly action is jeno. lee jeno. 

donghyuck makes swift and subtle actions to shove his phone underneath his pillow but when he takes a good look at the boy's face, he realizes that he didn't need to be so discrete in the first place. jeno's eyes are swollen, and not in the way that suggests he got into a big manly manly fight and came out the victor, but in the way that looks as if his three cats died, all at once, and he'd taken it upon himself to cry for each of their mothers respectively. 

the same eyes rove about the room before settling on the bed, his body following suit but moving as if it were part of another entity entirely. the mattress sinks down low with his body weight and he repositions himself so that he's laying down comfortably, his legs still hung over and down the side. donghyuck can hear jeno's ragged breaths, not unlike his own a minute ago, and he wonders what hell of a day the boy had had to render him into this state of numbed consciousness. but before he can even form the question that sits at the edge of his mind, jeno's voice reverberates lowly in the silence of the room.

"she broke up with me," donghyuck blinks purposefully, "something 'bout how she thinks she might like someone else, fucking bastard."

"is she the bastard?" donghyuck tries to disassociate his feelings from his words and come across as...helpful in lifting his friend's mood.

jeno chuckles, "no, hyuck, she's not the bastard. bastard's the guy who has her heart. i'm glad she told me though, she's never been one to hide things."

"yeah, would've been worse if she dragged it on, huh."

"yeah, a lot worse."

donghyuck's voice almost gets caught within the confines of his rationality, "did she tell you who he- the bastard is?" he sighs inwardly, knowing that this was none of his business whatsoever, but the desire to know seeps into his thoughts. 

jeno sighs as well, "no, not really. she said it was some boy on the team though, might even be you now that i think about it."

"oh," is, yet again, the only thing he is able to produce. 

the new revelations seem to give life to donghyuck. the mere idea that there's a possibility of interest in his direction is something that he thrives off of. mundane tasks like washing the dishes are now enjoyable hobbies, no actual brain work, head empty, thoughts of you exclusively. when it comes to practice, you're no longer there, your presence reduced to hushed talk between the boys and renjun, asking him if you really are the reason jeno's been so out of it, letting easy pucks into the goal left and right. hyuck is relieved, though, that he gets a break, a step back to rethink his crazed emotions. maybe it really was just simple infatuation. maybe it was just because he hadn't gotten laid in awhile. or even just the fact that he's been hanging out with the boys too much and that the first girl he set his eyes on in days ultimately became the protagonist to his daydreams. hell, he is especially glad that you decided it wasn't worth showing your face at the rink for the time being for jeno would've been downright devastated.

that whole paragraph of feelings is bluntly disregarded and thrown off track as he enters the corner cafe a few blocks down from his house and is met with you waving your hand excitedly at him and motioning for him to sit with you. he doesn't hesitate, of course, but makes sure he takes slow and deliberate steps to the window booth you're sitting at just to make sure he at least gets in four deep breaths before he is inevitably subjected to not breathing in your presence.

"hyuck, it's been awhile, i hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable or anything," your face morphs into an expression of realization as it hits you that calling him over was entirely to satisfy your own hopes and dreams. the boy sitting across from you, smiling lightly, might as well be feigning a pleasant disposition, grossed out by the girl that dumped his friend just because she thought she was interested in someone else. by the end of this thought, your voice is reduced to a timid pitch, "you can leave if you want, it's all good."

"actually, i think that it'd be more uncomfortable for you if i left." he feels his heart constrict at the sight and the knowledge that his words enlightened your composure. you take it upon yourself to start some light conversation, not wanting to disclose the reason you'd called him over in the first place just yet. your heart picks up pace, rivaling hyuck's own, and you can't help but think of the sheer likeliness of the luck you'd just encountered. just as you decided to brave up for once and not take advantage of your best friend setting you up on one too many blind dates that were just, too artificial for you, the boy whom you had taken a liking for had shown up before your eyes, breezing through those glass doors as if it were a sign for you to just take charge. 

"and i was telling him-"

"are you free friday?"

"what? oh, what?!"

"i'm asking if you're free friday."

"i- i mean yeah, i have practice at three, but i'm free afterwards."

"let's grab dinner together then."

"oh shoot, okay, like with the boys? 'cause i could ask them if they're down."

"no, i was hoping it could be just us. like a date."

"so, hold the fuck up, you're asking me out on a date?"

"yeah, why…? am i not allowed to do that? is going out on a date with me gonna break bro code or something?"

"n- no, nothing like that. it's just...you can't possibly be serious."

"oh, trust me, i'm dead serious."

"...holy shit, i'm in."

donghyuck fucks up big time at practice, his cheeks are way too hot and he's sweating gallons per second. his jaw is clenching and unclenching in hopes that the action might make him a little more attentive while on ice but instead, he finds his eyes roving over to your figure in the stands far more often than he'd like to admit. he thinks, no he hopes, that jeno is okay with the fact that you're not here for him but rather the 'boy on the team' he'd unknowingly referred to a few months back. hyuck knows, though, that renjun is definitely not okay with it, the aforementioned boy throwing just as many glares at hyuck as hyuck's many glances towards you.

practice is over long after he hoped it would be but you're patient and supportive nonetheless. his eyes crinkle and his smile widens as you sidle into him for warmth in the cool air of the ice rink. hyuck solves this by removing the hoodie from his own, accustomed body, and gently tugs it over your shivering one. he thinks he handles the wave of adoration that consumes him pretty well, even able to ease the corners of his lips down a tad bit. "you're cute," you pull at his cheeks and suddenly things are not so easy to handle. 

donghyuck does eventually get used to all the sneaky shit you pull just to get his ears red and shy smile blossoming, but he knows he'll never get used to the sight of you in the stands, adorning his spare 66 jersey with everything else fading, and fading further away until it's just you and him, and him and you.

copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.

✧ end note — i hope you find someone that holds you in such high esteem as hyuck does in this fic, i'm sure you deserve it <3

[oh-boy-me]

Demon Outfits Discussed

The wait is over :) thank you for your patience and all the lovely comments on the casual discussion!!

I feel like it got longer this time, so I hope it’s all an enjoyable read!  Also, I apologize for the ugly pictures--it was the easiest and fastest way to both have all the design in one image and also prevent it from stretching so far.

Like last time, please don’t take this too seriously; we love these boys and Justin doesn’t know them but has no grudges against them.  We’re just harping on their fashion sense.  Absolutely no hate is intended towards the boys or the design team!

Participants in the discussion were

Jo ( @jodaneko ), our art major with storyboarding/character design experience, who finds they have more in common with Satan each passing day.

Justin ( @justinlester0629 ), our fashion expert, who dressed up and filled a wine glass with water for the occasion.

Noodle (Me), our untrained eye who owns the Barbie as the Island Princess video game on three different platforms.  It’s not even that good.

Featuring emergency guest star Megan ( @maggo77​ ), my sister who is physically near me as we look at the backs of their designs for the first time.

Edit: Distracted by the pretty jacket, we made a mistake when putting in Levi’s silhouette rating.  It’s the worst.  2/10, not 6.

Lucifer:

“Boy looks like he’s about to swing open the doors of an expensive mansion during a debutante party and give some SCATHING NEWS.” —Justin

“Short shoulder cape and a long split butt cape lol” —Jo

Jo has realized that based on both outfits, Lucifer doesn’t want people looking at his butt.  Possible reasons are: he doesn’t have one, or Diavolo someone was getting distracted.

His shoes match his outfit.  After last time that’s all I care about.

A triple popped color, and how many layers is the middle one?  Is that a book?  Dude has like 27 collars.

The forehead diamond is very important and it’s great that there are diamond buttons to match it.  But uh.  How about those red diamonds on his sleeves.  They.  They sure are there.  (I actually like the red accents and that they match his gloves; I just can’t take the diamonds seriously.)

  Lucifer 🤝 Some Horses Diamond on the Forehead

The peacock motif is HERE and we’re all living for it.  HOWEVER, the feathers on the cape and coattails should have matched, OR there should have been more lime green because there’s so little of that color.

The pants have a pleat in the front, which Justin says means he responsibly irons his clothes, and Jo says only heightens the fact that under the capes this is a marching uniform.

Can he fly?  Jo says these are baby wings that can’t support his weight, and his cape has a hole for the top pair but blocks the bottom pair?  Can’t believe Lucifer handicapped himself for the sake of fashion.

The red makes it regal and the wide flowy design makes it imposing.  Good job, Lucifer!  I might actually be intimidated if I saw you.

Definitely the classiest outfit.  You can tell they put care into it.

Mammon:

“BITCH MY BODY CANNOT TAKE THIS KIND OF SEXY, I THINK I AM OVERHEATING!  NO MORE FURTHER COMMENTS, YOUR HONOR.  HAUTE AND HOT.” —Justin

The whole thing does amazing with only three colors.  We’ve noticed the trend of black and white + one color, but I mean hey.  It’s working so far.

Damn those pants sit low.  No wonder literally all of you wear belts.

The leather jacket? ��The studs and harness?  Bless.  Justin calls it “the perfect blend of stylish and ‘I’ll see you tonight *wink*’”.

Kind of don’t like how the belts connect to the pants, though.  It looks better in the back.

“He found a really cool jacket, but it didn’t pair with anything so he just didn’t wear anything.” —Jo

Honestly though?  We’ve all made fun of Mammon for having big hoe energy in his outfits, but like, he knew he had wings and planned his outfit to accommodate for that.  He’s the only one who didn’t cut holes in his outfit.  Maybe Mammon was the smallest hoe after all.

Also if there’s a motif it repeats elsewhere, like the studs and diamonds on his jacket and pants.  Did he and Lucifer have a “tastefully putting diamonds on my outfit” battle?  Because Mammon definitely won.

One of the charms broke off the belt loop and he never bothered to replace it, and honestly thank god there isn’t two of those anymore.

Torn between wishing the boots were tighter to match the rest of the outfit and saying “yoooo they’re open in the back!!!”

Ok so so far we’ve said generally only good things, but there is one major issue with the design: Its gravity.  Everything points down, his tattoos, the diamonds, even his wings.  The center of gravity in the image is his shoes.  Bitch loved his shoes so much he made his whole outfit point to them.

Either way this was universally considered the best and I mourn Justin who doesn’t know how far Mammon’s standards are gonna fall from here.

Leviathan:

Diagonal zipper

“Levi what the fuck.” —Megan

He looks like an e-boy.

Honestly it looks like he borrowed something from Justin’s wardrobe for Pride but he didn’t know how to put it on.

APPARENTLY the biggest hoe.  Abs that he shouldn’t have coming through a mesh t-shirt.  I thought Mammon’s pants were low, but Levi’s whole-ass ass is out.  Ok Levi, I see you.

The shirt pattern is good but he probably leaves it partially unzipped because it’d look really dumb fully closed.

Justin loves the funky pants pattern and Jo likes the pants but not with the outfit.  It’s because the devs were too coward to give him a thick tail base so his pants had to fill that role by sharing the pattern.

The shoes are good, and not just because they incited Justin’s deep-set hatred for Christian Louboutin and his uncomfortable red-bottom shoes.

Justin is offended that he’s hiding his suspenders; either show them completely or not at all, no in between.  Jo’s not fully convinced it isn’t just one suspender.  What are his suspenders doing?  What are they attached to?  Are they holding anything up?  Apparently not.

Jo pointed out that if you squint the belt on his waist looks like fangs and the orange dots on his sleeves looks like eyes so it’s like theres a snake head on his outfit.  Cute!

The gloves are throwing us off though.  Why is Levi of all other brothers need gloves?  I bet he has sweaty hands.

Ok really, does his sweater unzip all the way into two pieces?  Or does it hang by that tiny thread underneath the tail hole?  There’s even a button, just in case.

Can’t believe this antler-sporting, suspender-wasting nerd went diagonal zipper on us because we beat him at a trivia game.  Should have just zipped his hood.

Satan:

HONEY.

“I hate everything about this.” —Megan

First of all, he’s straight up wearing Lucifer’s casual shirt.  Does it only button down the back?  Can he take it off?

Then he spilled bleach on his pants.  Like I get what they were going for but with the white on black that is literally just bleach stains.

Incredibly differing opinions on the belt.  He got it in the cowboy department.  Justin adores it.  Jo despises it.

And are those… athletic slip ons?

And now the elephant in the room.  The ribcage made of ribbons.  The ribboncage.  The idea is great!  I love that they gave him a skeletal theme without throwing him into a Hot Topic.

But if you take the ribboncage and feather boa off he’s literally just wearing a dress shirt and some nice jeans.  And that’s the problem with Satan’s demon form.  Not that it looks goofy.  It’s that they took risks but then hid all the risks behind business casual.

Also Megan said that the back of the ribbons look like a rock climbing harness.  Someone (probably Justin) said the front reminds them of the underbelly of a green cockroach.  Ew.

The feather boa would look better if it was over something you wouldn’t literally wear at the office.  (And also didn’t look so much like worm on a string.)

“He is going to Dragcon 2020 and is definitely going to take a picture and ask to lip sync, but accidentally start beef with Acid Betty.” —Justin

On a good note, loving how the tail fades to highly radioactive green.  Feels dangerous.  Megan pointed out that it’s a pretty wimpy tail, though.  Jo enjoys the self-conscious posture it expresses.

That’s basically the only good thing we have to say, though.

I just????

Merry Christmas.

Asmodeus:

The kanji on the picture is just saying that the coattail is the same on both sides.

Ok now with that out of the way, HONEY.

I’m sure he says that to others but I hope he says it to himself too when he looks in the mirror.

Starting with the good.  The wings?  Adorable.  The heart-shaped hole to accommodate them?  Adorable.  One of the only good adjustments.

And I love that the tips of his horns look venomous, like a scorpion tail!

We love a good floral design and a good twin tailcoat.

But once again, the shirt just has too much going on.  The flowers.  The buttons.  The brick-pattern stitching.  The brooch.  The long collar.  The fact that if he closed the last button it’d end in a diamond covering his crotch.  Sometimes less is more, Asmo.

That scorpion brooch is the best thing to ever grace my computer screen and it shouldn’t have to share the spotlight with the rest of his shirt.  It should have wrapped around his arm and been paired with some more jewelry.  Then he could have ditched those giant cuffs.

The bleeding heart tattoos are a really good idea!  But they should have been angled better and not like someone else put them on at the roller rink.  And maybe they shouldn’t have been outlined in pink.  Those aren’t tattoos, those are gaping holes in his arm.  Is he ok.

I’ve been avoiding the pants, but.  The pants.

“Oh dear god. Oh no that’s… I thought you were a designer…” —Jo

One side is buckled the ENTIRE way down, and then the other side is COMPLETELY plain.  It’s too extreme on both ends.  It should have been only half a leg of buckles.  Not whatever this is.  I still don’t think he can bend that leg.

The shoes are ok but they COULD have been a stiletto so.

Jo is DONE with these demons’ inability to wear socks.

We expected better from you, Asmo.  I hope you have to fasten all those buckles every morning as retribution.

Beelzebub:

He said “how many belts can I wear on one outfit.”

Justin said it’s like Barry B. Benson and Post Malone had a beautiful baby boy, and Obey Me! is cancelled for creating a sequence of events that could lead to me hearing that with my own two ears.

The jacket?  Stunning.  “It’s steampunk mixed with Jack Sparrow, mixed with Billie Joe Armstrong,” says Justin.  It’s got puffy sleeves!  And there’s objectively too much going on with the jacket, but since it’s a leather jacket I can forgive it.  Justin and Jo can’t.

I’m not sure why they keep giving him weird jacket collars but I prefer belt number 9 to fur.

“Why is it bucked in the back?  Couldn’t it have just been a jacket?” —Megan

Good that the black tank isn’t only black, but he has so little color on his outfit that it would have been nice for it and the matching pattern on his boots to have been a color besides gray.

I don’t mind the belts down the leg because they’re not too in your face.  Jo wants the white belt to be thinner.  Justin wants him to just pick one and go with it.

Poor Beel, he can’t do his lil thigh pat pose without his right hand being assaulted by studs and that bear trap-shaped buckle.

Justin feels like the cowboy boots are too wide up top and it’s probably because they’re FAKE cowboy boots.  I don’t know why he didn’t just get cowboy boots instead of putting fake coverings over his dress shoes.

Can’t fault the twin belt, though.  And the wing hole isn’t terrible.

Idk I guess.  They knew what they wanted to do at least.  

That seems to be the pattern with Beel: they know what they want to do, but something weird happens in the middle of it.

Belphegor:

“I don’t know which Teletubby let their son go through the it’s just a phase mom phase, but they should be ashamed.” —Justin

A toddler who just learned how to cut holes in paper got a hold of his hoodie.

Is it a hoodie?  A jacket?  A poncho?  The cow print actually isn’t terrible.  At least it had the decency to be unique in its spotting.  And the actual presence of blue is very appreciated.

On the topic of colors, Jo is calling the devs out on their apparent fear of color.  “Put the pink elsewhere, cowards,” they say.

We actually don’t hate the horseshoe, and using it for the belt buckles is actually really clever.  Even if 75% of them are doing literally nothing.  Feel like he didn’t need that many.  Could do without the bottom one, maybe even bottom two.

There’s a teeeeny tiny cowbell on the back?  Megan apparently finds that VERY important.  Why do they go to such great lengths to remind us that Belphie’s a cow?  Beel doesn’t rub his hands together 24/7.  Mammon doesn’t even get bird wings.

Just like Satan spilled bleach, Belphie has tar pants.

It’s nice to see a change in pant style, but.  Am I biased because I hate harem pants?  Maybe.  Are these harem pants too short on him?  Yes.  Maybe they were supposed to be parachute capris?  But it just looks he outgrew them too fast and Lucifer won’t buy him new pants yet.  At least they look comfy.

If he puts his keys in those pockets will his pants fall down?  Probably.  That’s a problem considering his are the only pants that look like they could hold any keys.

The shoes are fine.  I can enjoy a high topped sneaker.  …Is that a security tag?  Did he steal his shoes.  Belphie stole his shoes.

On the tiny tail hole, I appreciate that Belphie went for modesty.  But I hope it’s impossible to wear these outfits outside of demon form because I don’t want him walking around with a tiny hole right above his ass.

Honestly he doesn’t even look like a demon?  He just looks like… a cow.

There’s one more aspect of their demon forms that I didn’t feel comfortable forcing into a smaller space than it deserved: Silhouettes.  Jo puts a lot of weight on silhouettes and their role in character design.  Is it dynamic?  Is it recognizable?  Jo ranked them as such:

1. Lucifer: 9/10.  Care and effort were put into this design and it shows. 2. Mammon: 7/10.  Points deducted for most of it being form fitting but otherwise still manages to get a passing grade. 3 (tied). Beelzebub: 5/10.  His wings have actual mass but his horns being mostly hidden by his head reduce his score. 3 (tied). Belphegor: 5/10.  Evens out since his clothes aren’t as form fitting as the others but they also kind of turn him into a blob. 5. Asmodeus: 4/10, and only because he’s got multiple wings and that his tailcoat breaks up the bottom half. 6. Satan: 3/10, for the fact HIS BOA carries most of the work in altering his silhouette. 7. Leviathan: 2/10.  The tail and horns prevent this from being a total flop.

Our (surprisingly unanimous!) ranking of their outfits (not counting Megan her opinions deviated) were:

Mammon

Lucifer

Leviathan

Belphegor

Beelzebub

Asmodeus

Satan

In conclusion, any M-rated fic that doesn’t have it take demon Satan 20 minutes to take off his shirt is too unrealistic.

[nighttimepixels]

TALK TO US ABOUT MASS EFFECT I HAVE BEEN AN INSANE MASS EFFECT/SHAKARIAN TRASH PERSON SINCE 20-FUCKING-11 AND LEMME TELL YOU THOSE FEELINGS HAVENOT TARNISHED A SINGLE FRACTION IN THOSE TEN YEARS OH MY GOOOOOOODDDSSSS!!!!!!!

I DEMAND A PLAY-BY-PLAY UP TO THE MINUTE OF YOUR REACTIONS TO EVERYTHING!!!!

you are so valid and I totally see why everyone I've ever mentioned it to loves the hell out of it

aksdjlsdfj I meannnn if you want to hear my rambling about it then hell yeah

Okay, gonna put this below the cut to save everyone else XD also- since I'm not leaving this Mass Effect obsession anytime soon, if you're not interested in seeing occasional posts about it, please feel free to block the tag "night plays ME"~

(mild spoilers ahead??)

((also for real I mean it when I say this is rambling as hell lol, apologies and no stress if absolute no one reads all this))

OKAY SO Mass Effect 1-

Stars help me, I was honestly hooked right from the start?? Like even in Legendary Edition (the combined trilogy just re-released in one "can play it on one system + minor improvements", for anyone who doesn't know) where it's smoothed out, of course it's obvious that ME1 is a decade old... but the foundation for these relationships are all there and gods I love them already.

Like - Kaiden right off the top is a delightful good fightin lad, what the hell. I've heard that he's viewed as 'bland' by a good portion of the fan community but I dunno, he's a delight and even more complex by the time 2 rolls around and you encounter him on Horizon, it was honestly Ashley I was way more meh about - mostly because before you can learn about her family history/etc, she comes off as hella xenophobic and I was immediately offended for my growing space family that she didn't like/trust all the aliens around, pfff.

(she gets redeemed a bit through further actions/evolving thoughts, but I thought in retrospect it was a bummer that they didn't flip the order there, give her a chance to be liked before the complicating factor of being so rude about aliens >:c that then she could grow from... ah well. Apparently she has a good arc but uh, let's just say I chose Kaiden at the "key junction" in the latter part of the game so I won't be seeing anymore of Ashley uh... anytime soon, haha.)

Garrus??? Is??????? The ABSOLUTE best???????????

I liked him from the start, I'm always a bit of a sucker for a rogue-detective "the system won't bring this bastard to justice, so I've got to" type and all their moral shadiness XD But he just gets better, honestly, and where I'm at in ME2 (right before the Reaper IFF mission, as of typing this, with everyone's loyalty!) I am only digging myself deeper into this hole-

-*wheezing* okay anyways -

Wrex is AMAZING I love fightin' middle-aged krogan bastard, gods. Liara is great too, I'm a sucker for a wlw relationship (playing fem!Shepard, so) - buuuut I'll admit she's a bit more one-note in ME1. Last week while I was still on ME1 I remember hearing (while trying to dodge spoilers) that her arc is really good, though. I think they leaned a little hard on the 'innocent but sexy' sterteotype on her (so despite the yikes aspect of a few of the things I've learned in ME2, lol, I actually really like the complexity that's been added to her character.)

Saved Liara first, so by the time I got to Noveria and had the standoff with Benezia there was the chance to have emotions over Liara having to face her TwT and of course, I made the questionable but quality decision to free Queen Rachni heheh. no ragrets

More than a blow-by-blow of my choices though I totally wanna take the chance to say that even in the mild jankiness of ME1 (goddammit, the Mako.... please..... please just go up this impossible cliff I just want to resource hunt-) the way that the lore, both obvious/key to main plot and the lesser/filler/background/world-building kinds... I just love it. It incorporates it well, you can go ham in the codex learning more, or just dive into the basics - it's clearly a complex galaxy (and they do an even better job in 2 of fleshing it out further), and it never really felt overwhelming. It was pretty natural figuring it all out-!

Plus the interesting implications of resource hunting amongst the sapient races, and the little side missions you better bet I did every one of- there's so much rich depth in the story if you do 'em!! (And that lead with that Keeper side mission...? Looking back, damn, clever foreshadowing-!!!)

And oh my gods, Ilios??? hell yeah. I loved that mission so much, especially having Garrus & Kaiden with me when talking to the hologram/computer, and more than anything, that last sprint in the Mako trying to get to the jump before it closed-???

yeet the boi-

Also mannn I love a good setpiece, and having to go up the side of the elevator, space-side?? such a cool setup!!

Plus it felt good having been Paragon enough (as simple as the good v bad vibe system is, I don't hate it, lol) to avoid one of the Saren fights, ngl. And the er, "second fight" with Sovereign-Saren.... hell yeah

... I'll admit I had to double check my choice re whether to save the Council. I did in the end, but I swear, sometimes the way they phrase things I'm like ".... okay but Garrus is right, defeating Sovereign is more important than these few leaders??????" woops. Listen, priorities, is all I'm saying..... (￣ヮ￣|||)ゞ

'Course later they emphasize (in ME2) that there were 10,000 people on that same ship and I was like well I wouldn't have second guessed if I'd known that, I mean c'mon-

Also I did indeed romance Liara in this one, so I got that scene ;Dc But,,,, I also knew by the end that I was totally gonna romance Garrus in 2 since he's an option then finally,,,,, lemme tell you the guilt as I waffled over whether to romance Liara bc of it. hahaha.

Aaaaand Mass Effect 2-

So I'm only up to right before the Reaper IFF Mission, so I don't know the ending, etc etc lol. That said, I've just finished every side mission I've found with the exception of the Shadowbroker Quest and the Arrival Quest (I've heard the latter basically leads into ME3, and the former is best either right before the Omega 4 jump or in postgame).

So from the start - fuck yeah fuck yeah what a high adrenaline start Shepard noooooo but also yes save Joker aH-

The motion comic too hot damn nice job

I loved this setup, seriously - especially forcing Shep into this situation, having to work with/for Cerberus, and the compelling reasoning given behind "why" they do what they do (I especially found it a good point that the Salarians have the Task Force, the Asaris the Commandos, the Turians the- etc... like, true, when you put it like that, having a similar group advancing human interests/solving human interstellar problems is pretty reasonable...). That said, I love too that it really isn't shied away from how Cerberus is nonetheless fucked up - or its at least done fucked up stuff.

Listen, I still think some messed up stuff is gonna be revealed in 2's endgame......... after that Horizon mission and the Collector's ship???? TIM I SEE YOU YOU SHADY MF-

aaanyways lol...

I'm so so glad on a gameplay level they nixed the Mako style exploration. A few Hammerhead missions are fine and a lot more focused than the slippery ass navigation in that glorified ATV, pfff. The probes are a neat way of getting after similar resources - and more importantly, having good levels and some good hubs (the Zakera Wards, Omega, Ilium, etc) is way way more fun than having a more 'sprawling' space that is.... a lot of empty nonsense, lol.

Then there's the fact that we get Joker right off the bat and you can interact with him so much - and him and EDI??? Get out gods I love them. Kasumi is so right when she says they sound like a bickering old married couple lol. I have a terrible feeling that some shit is gonna happen with EDI..... but I don't think she's evil as-is, at least.

Side-eying the hell out of those "access forbidden" parts of her that she doesn't even know.... and the fact that her AI core has a locked door access................... something's gonna happen gdi LEAVE OUR ADOPTED AI ALONE.

(Also Joker pls stop fracturing your thumb on the mute button)

Also please save me there are so many hot aliens in this game,,,,, the xeno/monsterfuckers really comin' through strong in the sequels............... doin' the lord's work........................................

In general, I love how many levels ME stepped up in two with complexity and interwoven narratives!! Like, to the point it'd be almost a drag to replay ME1, even though it was fun going through it (if occasionally a bit tedious with the cookie cutter rando planet science/mine facilities, lol). Like, just from how fun and interesting ME2 is, mostly! more of all the pre-introduced races, plus new ones, plus more filling in of intragalactic politics, and more interesting implications of all these space-faring races mixing....

Also gods WREX and his planet holy shit,,,,, fuckin' hell yeah my man get their shit together and also adopt Grunt yes good-

And Mordin??? My singing semi-evil scientist best friend forced to confront his choices more than he thought he ever would have???? With some of the best ongoing general report chatter of all the companions??

(when I tell you I choked on my coffee when I talked to him after confirming romance choice w/ Garrus and that 'pamphlet' and 'anaphalactic shot if ingesting-' kajsldkfjsldfjk)

Like, fuck, the fact that they actually dive into the mixed morality and horrors of the genophage, and you can confront Mordin on it, for good reason, yet he still stands his ground, until finally some bits of his loyalty mission seem to... affect him, and I'm guessing might set up things for 3 with him? Unsure, but either way, damn, the fact that they start to dig into it...

And Taliiiii my beloved forbidden alien wife TwT her loyalty mission was SO GOOD. I love how varied they all are?? Getting to defend her and discover what she'd unwittingly been a part of-!!

Zaeed is a bastard but tbh I love that he is and that he's unapologetic in him - and Kasumi omg, best thief. A heist?? Gods, yes- I love our couch lounge chats XD

Samara is..... illegally.......... she's an illegally powerful and beautiful and eloquent MILF...........................

(.... listen I'm sapphic as hell and I'm kicking my own ass for picking her up last aksjdlfksjdfl - but her loyalty mission, damn. And seeing how there's this interesting cultural subset, and the struggle with the Asari in that they unquestioningly accept/respect justicars, but also know that the impact outside their culture is a diplomacy nightmare waiting to happen-)

,.,,,,,T,,, Thane,,,,,

I am weak for morally implicated murder dads okay?? And that voice??? His mannerisms?????? How you first see him, and that prayer after assassinating her...???????? And his history/his people's history with the hanar, gods I love how messy it is, it feels so much more real!

Also Jack is a mess and I love her (and want to get her some therapy, omg), and her and Miranda nearly duking it out after you've done both their loyalty missions??? so good and makes a lot of sense-! Honestly I would love more interactions between teammates on the ship, but there's already so much the devs had to balance I can't blame 'em for minimizing, heh. But suffice to say I also love Miranda and Jacob, even if I'm softest for my alien crew XD Hell yeah Jacob, we'll get loud and spill drinks on the citadel indeed TwT

.... I could write a whole essay on how much I love Garrus oTL Perhaps because he and Tali are the throughlines from 1 on your 2 crew, I have some of the strongest feelings about them... but genuinely, he was one of my favorite companions in the first game, and how you find him as Archangel in two? Getting to help him fight his way out after he's gone nearly 48 hours straight fighting off three gangs alone, jfc. His vengeance quest and what can happen there.... That line? fuck me, that line -

It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don't know what to do with gray...

How DARE you come for my heart like this, devs holy shit

(also, some other choice faves so far from the series from him include We can disobey suicidal orders?? and This wasn't in my training manual... [in 1, if you have him with you @ th Thorian fight] and his whole.... pop the heat sink - in his romance ;Dc)

asdasdfksadjfkl like I said I can write an essay on him PFFF suffice to say I'm very looking forward to his romance scene and where things go in 3

But yeah gods I'm just gonna keep rambling if I'm not careful lol. Gods I don't even know what to talk about it's all so good and while I can understand people roasting the obviousness of Paragon V Renegade (v neutral) choices/alignments, I think they do a pretty damn good job in 2 of pushing it further - to the point that there were some times that I accidentally got renegade points and I wasn't that mad, haha. There's so much fun in the interactions that I just have a good time anyways~

I have so many thoughts about TIM (The Illusive Man) and Cerberus.... theories evolving galore............... and like, what the hell!! Omega 4 going to the center of the galaxy is such a cool twist, goddamn - though my heart still breaks at losing Kaiden (his line if you haven't romanced him?? about feeling like he lost a limb when he lost you??? holy shit.... but I also can't blame him for not trusting Cerberus to the point of it affecting his ability to trust Shepard... like fuck Shep go after himmmm) I'm really excited to see where that goes since he comes back in 3, and what the fuck happens with Cerberus bc while I love the fact that obviously there are a lot of people in it for the right reasons, doing good work, there are those that are doing the opposite, and I have a very bad feeling about where TIM will end up landing....

All that said though I need to do the Reaper IFF mission (where I'm lightly spoiled as to getting That Boy, but not how/what happens to make it so - just that it's apparently wise to have all your side missions done before getting him...) and the actual Omega 4 jump. So we'll see what happens and what I think about it from there heheh!

.... major kudos and genuine props if you made it here to the end, I am so sorry for not editing on condensing all this, and appreciate you so much ;w;

[softer-ua]

I have no idea what Bakugou would have done if Izuku died in the sludge Villain accident. They had a lot of strong unresolved emotions, I just can't fully visualize it, the only thing I have clear is him trying to latch onto anger, but that would burn out fast because the Villian was trapped and the heroes did their thing (Winning, which at that point he believed everything was) so I don't know what would he do. Sooo...could you please give us your insight? Please :D

I’d love to give my insight! Thank you for asking!!!🥰

It would depend on which sludge incident, the one where Deku ran to save Katsuki or the one where Deku was on his own? 🤔 I’ve got ideas on both lol

Buckle up this is gonna be a long one, and it’s not a fun ride

For the first I think Katsuki would latch onto anger and be a self hating righteous little monster for the rest of eternity. Because obviously he’s never getting therapy.

If he can blame himself for AM’s retirement and his parents can blame him for getting kidnapped than I have zero doubt the Entire Bakugo family would blame Katsuki for Dekus death. That family loves to victim blame, and Mitsuki would have a field day with chart topping world’s lowest blows like

If Katsuki hadn’t been hanging out in an alley and had gone straight home the villain wouldn’t have got him

If Katsuki hadn’t just been randomly blasting the heros wouldn’t have had to divert their attention to the fire

If Katsuki hadn’t been so weak(what’s the point of that flashy quirk if you can’t even save yourself)

Going with him to make him apologize to Inko (trying to imagine this feels like my brains touching a hot stove, it would be a thousand times more horrible and scarring than being forced to apologize to his Idol and teach for being kidnapped)

If hs Katsuki didn’t have the tools to block out his mother and broke down over a 50 year old man retiring, then poor ms Katsuki doesn’t stand a chance against being forced to bare the blame in someone’s actual death, especially not Dekus. Plus whatever destructive aftermath Katsuki created.

Did you have to blow up the entire alley way??

Katsuki would also never stop blaming those heros, even if the villain was captured they lost what really mattered, Dekus life.

They should have stopped the villain before Deku ever showed up

They should have never let Deku cross the line

They should have saved him

I think his fear of being weak would have been magnified by 10000. And it wouldn’t be a stretch for me to believe that witnessing that kind of hero failure so personally would be his villain origin. But even if it wasn’t, I think 10 months of stewing in grief, rage and self hate at such a young age would leave some very permanent scars

He’d habitually train to the point of self harm(reminder to check in on your fitness bros)

He’d never ever let someone close to him again (he didn’t want Deku close to him in the first place and look at how bad it hurt anyway)

He wouldn’t give a shit about any heros opinion anymore, if it’s not about how he can get stronger than any would be mentor can fuck off

His ego would have taken a massive hit, he’s no longer trying to prove he’s the best

Instead he’s insuring it because he’s never losing anyone again

Even with that in mind I think the sports festival actually would have gone a lot calmer because he no longer gives a shit about showing off, he’s just fighting to test himself and Dekus the one who pushed Todoroki to the point anyone even knew he had a fire side(I always wonder how much longer Aizawa was gonna let that go on for) so he’d except his medal quietly so it’s possible the lov would never have tried to recruit him

I think he’d be a lot more proactive in helping his classmates get stronger

Just not in a cute tsundere way anymore, but in a “if you can’t keep up with me I will keep attempting to murder you until you drop out” way, because B List heros are not allowed to be a thing anymore

Eventually he would grow up to be the top hero and he revels in that victory by hating himself, his job, his coworkers, his family, and everyone and everything else. The best part of his days are the adrenaline highs and that’s not even a happy high, in a bad headspace it just makes you ansty and aggressive, still better than being a hallow husk of resentments

I wouldn’t be surprised if he eventually did kill a fellow pro for not meeting his standards. Depending on what the hero did to earn his ire would shape wether he went on to be the new hero killer or simply stopped being a hero himself in custody or more permanently

Now if the villain had instead been captured after being caught hiding in Dekus flesh suit things would have been very different than the above

Katsuki would definitely be traumatized at this news, so would most of their class and they’d probably do some kind of memorial deal, and over the course of a couple of days Katsuki would slowly descend into madness at watching his class act like they have ever given a single fuck about Deku

Then he would speedball into it, because how dare they grieve over him, non of them deserve to especially not him

He’d be angry for as long as he could, at himself and everyone else, but eventually that’d putter out without anyone stoking the fire, no one else blames his class for feeling sad and no one blames the heros for not existing on every single possible street corner

Maybe he makes it through UA. He’s not as hot head, not as naive, but teens hold grudges like no other, he can be mad at the world a little longer.

Throws himself into the work so he doesn’t have time to think. He’s going to be the best because Deku always believed he would be and if he’s not allowed to be sad than this will be his only way to honor the nerds memory.

But the thing about pain is that it demands to be felt.

Eventually his regrets and grief would come for him, in a year or in ten years doesn’t matter they will eventually claim the time and space they need with interest.

He’d probably meet his regrets first so that he can be mad at himself for a little longer

He should have let Deku be

If he hadn’t held Deku up after class maybe he’d have made it home

His last words play on loop growing distorted and more malicious as the years go on(fun fact about memory ! It’s easily manipulated because each time you remember something you’re actually just remembering the last time you remembered the thing! Basically your brain reconstructs the memory completely each time! Fuck it up once and it’s all down hill)

He regrets not ensuring that he’d have more than his flimsy memories to hold onto Deku with, he never realized he’d want to, never could fully conceive that he’d actually have to.

He should have been kinder

He should have been less of a coward and faced his own insecurities

He should have talked to Deku about so many things

He can’t just focus on what he did and didn’t do forever tho, eventually he’ll have to recognize the hole Deku left behind, his regrets will paint the picture of his grief

Maybe he forgets the exact date of Dekus birthday but he knows it was in the summer, he regrets not going to his last one and grieves never going to a next one.

He regrets not going to the funeral, of course he was sad, he’d been an idiot to think he couldn’t be

He regrets not visiting Dekus grave, and grieves over how long he’s been gone now

He regrets that he had to learn what the value of saving is by having lost, god how he grieves that loss

Without Deku Kaminari never hears that nickname, Kacchan died with Deku. He grieves over never hearing it again

He wonders if Dekus hanging out with Kacchan wherever he is, he wonders if this makes him crazy.

He grieves over Deku dying so young, so alone, so horribly. It gives him nightmares, he can’t imagine the pain of having all his organs crushed down from the inside, and yet he’s some how intimately aware of its possibility. He debates looking for the autopsy results, maybe if he confirms it was asphyxiation and not internal blunt trauma the nightmares will stop. But you don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.

He grieves over the dreams Deku never got to chase, and regrets ever playing a part in taking away the happiness a dream is supposed to have

He grieves over the Deku shaped hole in his life that seemed to grow with him despite only ever getting to know the knobby knees version, he can’t help but think with every achievement and milestone “you should be here”

He doesn’t hate his life, it just feels half lived.

Without Deku pushing his buttons and no god complex shaped alarm bells people were slower to reach out to him.

Without Deku to vouch for his good qualities people were a lot more hesitant to see them.

He still did make friends it’s just a shallower connection and he doesn’t make time for them

He becomes top hero but the victory feels hallow like there should have been more of a fight for it. Maybe he is crazy but it feels like it should have been Deku fighting him for it.

His saves are legendary and numerous, he’s never able to shake the feeling that there’s someone out there who needs him just around the corner

Between the nightmares and the anxiety clocking off gives him he probably gets less sleep than any hero before him, even Aizawa.

It was a short career

[flooffybits]

Brave Face

Idol: Ha Sooyoung (Loona)

Actions always had consequences. You were just lucky that you were both ready and willing to accept the price for both your actions.

Sequel to Two Faced! I hope you like it!

Warning: blood, extreme violence, character death, torture, guns and knives

"Ma'am, I'm afraid you can't be here." The man stated calmly, but Sooyoung has had about enough of having to come back to your so called business and then going back home with nothing.

The day she came back after fully healing, she was more than surprised to find every trace of you gone from your shared home. And while it wasn't exactly a big one, she felt completely alone.

The furniture was fixed and everything was clean, almost as though her kidnapping had never happened and almost as though you never lived there. It was like you never came into her life and it drove her mad.

"I don't care what the hell Y/n told you. I am going to talk to her, so move out of the way." She said with a huff, attempting yet again to move past the man who was three times her size, only to be blocked off.

"I'm sorry, but we were given strict orders not to permit you anywhere-"

"If you think I am going to sit around and deal with this bullshit, then think again, buddy. I won't hesitate to drive my foot up your-"

"I don't think it's appropriate for you to be threatening my guards." The sound of your voice had stopped Sooyoung from her threat and her eyes immediately move over the man's shoulder to see you standing at the entrance of the estate, your arm in a sling, a reminder of the day you were shot trying to rescue her, and her anger diminishes for a split second before her glare comes back in full force when she attempts to push past the guard again, only to be held back.

The man glances at you for instructions and you raise a hand to release your girlfriend, though it wasn't clear if you really were still together.

"Kyungsan, let her go. It's fine."

As soon as she was released, Sooyoung marched right at your face, staring at you as though it could emit all the anger, confusion, pain, and frustration she's been feeling for the past days.

Her hand shoots up, connecting firmly with your cheek before someone was grabbing her arms, forcing them behind her back, and it's then that she realizes the presence of the woman who was standing a foot away from you.

"Ryujin, stand down." You quickly prevent her from doing any further harm to the other and she hesitantly releases Sooyoung before moving back to her place behind you while your girlfriend eyed her, another emotion flaring up inside of her.

But before she could open her mouth to say anything, you had cut her off.

"I think this should be discussed in private. Please, come in."

Honestly, she would rather not with all the bullshit that you've put her through, but she watches as your eyes glance around the place and that was all it took for her to agree to your request and follow you inside the large looking mansion.

While it did look clean and grand from the outside, stepping inside was a completely different story.

Guards littered the place, guns or even knives hidden under their clothes while others had them on full display, slung across their shoulders and ready to shoot if necessary and Sooyoung felt so small as she watched them. Plus all the expensive looking paintings and decorations that were put on display added to the entire house’s intimidating aura.

You lead the woman to what appeared to be an office with shelves lining the walls, all filled with different kinds of books. A desk was set directly in front of the door, a lamp on one side and papers stacked on another and on top of it sat another gun, presumably yours.

The whole place would have scared Sooyoung if she hadn’t experienced what she did a week or so prior, then she would have turned and left without looking back.

But things were different and she needed answers.

With a wave of your hand, Ryujin and the other people that were previously in the room silently exited the office, leaving the two of you alone as you leaned against the desk, giving Sooyoung your whole attention as she finally took you in.

Dressed in a white button up and black dress pants - simple as always. But the thing that keeps her attention is your arm. She remembers you getting shot, your blood staining the car she was in when you were all being brought here. You had passed out just a little before she did and she remembers the panic and helplessness she felt that day.

Sooyoung could hear the person who got you in the car shouting orders at the driver and at someone on the phone. Who they were, she had no clue because all she could think of was you as you tried to assure her that you would both be okay.

While you didn’t vocalize it, the way you were holding on and stared at her was enough for her to know.

“We’re close to the mansion, boss. Yuki has everything prepared and is waiting for you to be brought in.” The man reported and Sooyoung could see as you rested your head against the chair, the color gradually leaving your face with the more blood you were losing. “Just be sure to have her there in time.”

You were struggling, that much she could tell. Your eyes were begging to close and your hands had just fallen to your lap, no longer having the strength to keep your wound from bleeding out. And while she may have been exhausted from everything she’s been through, she felt her heart stop as she saw the way your head suddenly dropped, your eyes shut.

“Y/n.” She called weakly, but you didn’t respond nor did you move if it wasn’t for the car’s movements. “Please…” She wheezed out, her hand reaching for you, but she’s out just before her hand could touch your arm, merely grazing against it before her vision went black.

When she had come to, she was laying in an unfamiliar room, her wounds treated and covered before she saw you laying on another bed, still passed out with your side wrapped up. She was too weak and tired to move from the bed, but she remembers, clear as day, how tears managed to come out of her eyes when she didn’t know if you would be waking up or not.

No one came in to check when she was awake and you had apparently left the room some time after waking up, leaving her in the room, alone. She never saw you after that, and even when she was finally let out and driven to your shared house, she never caught even just a glimpse of you. When she asked where you were, no one replied to her and simply left her in front of your house.

Now she was back and in demand of answers.

“It’s good to see that you aren’t dead.” She starts off and you shrug lightly in reply. “There’s still some things I need to finish before letting the devil drag me to hell.” Your nonchalance unnerves her and it doesn’t help how you don’t seem to care about dying, either.

“I want to know who the hell that was and why I was dragged into this mess.” She finally says as you watch her. “Was everything he told me, real? Was I really just some pastime for you?” She spat out, hating how she even had to ask you this because she was afraid of the answer and how it would break her heart.

She remembers how you would look at her, how you would hold her. There was no way she was imagining all of that.

But you were already lying about so much to her. You lying about how you felt about her couldn’t be too far fetched.

She saw as your expression hardened and you pushed yourself off the desk to stand at your full height. “Not everything Hanjin told you was true. Did I hide my real identity and occupation, yes. But everything else I did with you was nothing but real.” While your tone remained even, there was more to your expression; hurt.

As brief as it was, Sooyoung saw it before you turned away from her.

“Maybe I denied it at first, but when Minseok said how you had been interfering with procedures and put your life in danger, I drew the line and realized that denying how I felt for you would only end up with me losing you much more than I had hoped.” You finally admit while taking a seat and rubbing your forehead. “In my line of work, it’s kill or be killed. And Hanjin was right, a lot of people want me dead and they’ll do absolutely everything and anything to make that happen, which was why I tried to keep you away as much as possible.”

“When were you planning to tell me? Did you even think of telling me?” She demanded and you purse your lips before shaking your head. “I didn’t want to tell you. I thought that I would hold on to my delusions much longer… but that proved to be a mistake.”

Sooyoung could see just how much you were struggling with all of this, and she could understand why. You were leading such a dangerous group, emotions would only get in the way, and that seemed to have been Minseok’s mindset as well as he tried to get rid of her just to remind you of where you belonged.

But she didn’t want that.

She didn’t want you to let you be consumed by only darkness. There was so much you could do without trying to be a lifeless robot.

“Didn’t you trust me enough to tell me?” She asked quietly before you looked back up at her, defeat clear on your features as you breathed out. “Would you have stayed or believed me if I did?” You retort and her mouth screws shut.

She wouldn’t have.

If she knew just who you were when you first met, she wouldn’t have thought twice about running away or declining your offer after the first night she spent with you. If she knew, she would never have approached you at the club or went home with you.

But that wasn’t the case anymore and even if she tried, there was no changing the fact that Sooyoung did love you.

“Do you mean it?”

Caught off guard by her question, you raise a brow before she bit her lip and then sucked in a deep breath. “Did you mean it… what you felt about me?” You stand properly, assessing the woman in front of you as she stared at you with an almost desperate look swimming in her eyes as she waited for your answer.

You stay silent as tears begin pooling at her eyes and she takes a step forward, narrowing the gap between you and her. “Tell me the truth. If you don’t want to see me anymore, then I’ll go. But I deserve to at least know this.”

But the truth was you didn’t want her to go. You wanted her to stay in your life and maybe, just maybe you could leave this life behind just to settle down with her and live a normal life like your parents.

Without all the weapons, the illegal business, and the secrets, you could see yourself happily living with the woman that stood in front of you without having to constantly look over your shoulder.

Taking a step closer, Sooyoung looks up at you as you use your fixed hand to reach up and cup her cheek. “I’ve done a lot of shitty things and I have lied to you about my life but the moment you told me you loved me, I could never say it back in fear that you would assume that I lied about that, too, in the event that you did know the truth.”

“Yes…” She breathed out while shutting her eyes as she gripped your hand against her cheek. “Or no. Just tell me.” Her voice fell into a hushed whisper and your expression softened when you leaned down to press your forehead against hers.

“I love you, Sooyoung, and I don’t want you to go.”

That was all she needed to hear before she placed her free hand to the back of your neck and tugged you closer, drawing your lips against her own into a much needed and passionate kiss that you eagerly reciprocated, your arm moving to wrap around her waist and pull her closer as she melted into you like she had always done before.

Was she really taking this risk just to be with you? Yes. Would she be regretting it anytime soon? She highly doubts it. Because based on your rescue alone, Sooyoung knows that you would be there for her no matter what happens and she’ll do her best to remind you that you were still human even with all the blood on your hands.

..

“Is this necessary?” Sooyoung panted while staring up at the ceiling, sweat covering her skin as she looked at you with a pout and you smiled lightly in reply. “It’s self defense, babe. While I do trust you, I would rather you can properly fend for yourself when I’m not around.”

Ever since the day she had been kidnapped, you absolutely refused to let the same thing happen again. The image of her bruised and bloody figure constantly flashes in your head, reminding you of what you had failed to protect, so you used it to further motivate you that you had a purpose to keep going this time around.

“But I’m exhausted.” She groaned when you moved to help her back on her feet. “I know, but just a few more minutes and we’ll be done for today.” She whines while getting into position. “But you said that ten minutes ago!” She complains before you let out a laugh. “Correction, I said that thirty-two minutes ago. It seems you were too focused to realize.”

A huff escapes her lips before you adjust her stance and then move in front of her. “Last one. I promise.”

Ever since Sooyoung decided to give your relationship another shot, without the secrets, she began to see more of the you that you kept hidden from her. She saw you when you worked, stoic and stone cold toward rookies who couldn’t pick after themselves and barking orders when something important came up.

The perfect partner she believed to be real was washed away from her mind and she was left seeing a real partner instead. While you were still gentle in her presence, there were times where you had to keep your guard up in front of those you didn’t trust.

But after what happened with Minseok, everyone knew that breaking your trust should be the last thing on their list unless they wanted to die early.

And another thing people started to learn was that no one messed with your girlfriend. Definitely not when it was in front of you or anywhere near your closest guards.

It just so happened that rookies never knew their place.

“That’s the boss’ bitch?” A scrawny looking male whistled towards one of his fellow rookies, who did his best to look away in respect when he saw you stop talking to Ryujin. Sooyoung stood next to you, listening to the conversation of where Hanjin could possibly be.

“Damn, how much do you think she pays?” The same boy smirked and the other shook his head with a hiss. “You should really keep your mouth shut.” He warned and the former rolled his eyes in reply. “Oh, come on. It’s not like the boss cares. They have the money to buy whoever they want, anyway.”

Your attention had shifted to the pair when you heard their conversation and Sooyoung could already see the way your shoulders tensed and she placed a hand on your forearm. Glancing at your girlfriend, you grunt before facing the rookie once more.

“You, the one with the blue shirt, what’s your name?” You call out and the boy turns to you in surprise before he raises his nose to the sky with a proud grin. “Shin Kyungwan.” You narrow your eyes before beckoning him closer.

He doesn’t think twice as he walks over. The unimpressed look on your face unsettles him, but he doesn’t show it when he keeps the stupid arrogant smirk on his face as he unashamedly stared at your girlfriend.

“Kyungwan, you’re aware of who this woman is, do you not?” You question while gesturing to your girlfriend and the male blinks before slowly nodding his head, suddenly feeling his bout of courage depleting the more your eyes pierced into him and Sooyoung sighed softly with a shake of her head.

“I see you must be a complete imbecile then.” You muttered before rising to your feet and then standing behind the male. “Tell me, what did you say a while ago about her?” The boy gulped as he stared at Sooyoung, now more terrified with the predicament he’d put himself in. “I-”

“That’s an order.” You cut whatever excuse he had off and he paled before repeating his earlier words slowly and quietly, earning a nod from you. He isn’t sure what that had meant, but when you dusted yourself off, he had assumed that he was good to head back to the side.

The sound of a loud bang echoed in the room as everyone present watched the boy’s head collide with the table in front of you, your hand on his hair before you yanked him back and let him land on his rear while he gripped his, most likely, broken nose.

“The next time any of you decide to talk shit about her, you’re getting more than a broken nose.” You growled before Taemin moved to pull the groaning boy out of the room. “Someone better clean this mess up. And Seokjin, make sure the next person you recruit has some common sense.” You order before finally exiting the room, Sooyoung follows after you to your room to finally relax after how many hours of planning.

When you arrive, your girlfriend shuts the door behind her as you grab your medicine from the nightstand and take the sling off. “You didn’t have to be that harsh.” She tells you as she plucked the ointment from your hand and gestured for you to lift your shirt.

“And let him get away for disrespecting you? You must be insane if you think I’ll allow that.” You grunt while tossing the shirt away and Sooyoung smiles when she stands behind you to apply the medicine on your wound. “You could have picked a less violent way.”

“I lead a gang, Sooyoung, I’m pretty sure nothing doesn’t involve violence here.” You mutter when her hands gently run over your skin, soothing the slight pain that comes from your injury. “You have to stop using that excuse.”

You rolled your eyes in reply before she went to grab you a loose shirt and helped put it on you. “I'm just saying that you didn't have to break the poor boy's nose." You scoff before turning to your girlfriend. "Whether you admit it or not, you liked it." And she didn't have to verbally confirm your suspicions when she rolled her own eyes and gave you a quick kiss on the lips before entering the bathroom to change her own clothes.

.. 

The sound of a loud bang woke Sooyoung from her sleep and when she turned around, reaching for you, all she grabbed was nothing but air. Immediately, she sat up and looked around the dark room, her hand reaching for the drawer next to the bed when she got up. "Y/n?"

She turned the desk lamp on to have some source of light only for her heart to jump in her throat when she saw the blood splattered on the bed and floor. "Did I wake you?" A familiar deep voice greeted her ears and Sooyoung quickly turned around, gun in hand as she came face to face with Hanjin.

The fear she once had when she was stuck in that damn warehouse whenever he would pick up a random object or ask a question sent a chill down her spine when memories resurfaced. But she saw the smoke coming from the barrel of his gun and her stomach sank when she still couldn’t find you anywhere.

“Looking for Y/n? Don’t worry.” Hanjin grinned at her as he pointed the gun at her. “You’ll see her very, very soon.” The sharp pain doesn’t register until her body meets the floor and a foot lands on her back. With a grunt, Sooyoung tried to lift her head, a hand pressed to her stomach as she gasped for air. But when her eyes reopened, she felt her heart stop at the sight in front of her as tears blurred her vision.

“Y/n…”

Staring lifelessly back at her, Sooyoung was met with your bloodied face. The bruise around your neck showed how Hanjin had strangled you and the blood that pooled around your head was enough to tell her on how he had finished you off.

And there was the helplessness again.

It gripped at her throat as she choked on her sobs, pleading, crying, for you to move, to get up and do something. But she knew you were gone, and the more pressure applied on her back and the cool metal pressing to the back of her head told her that she wouldn’t be too far behind.

“Sooyoung!”

Bolting up, Sooyoung felt sweat drip down her forehead and the taste of salt on her lips made her snap out of the images she had just seen.

Turning to her right, your girlfriend quickly found you staring at her with concern written over your face and she doesn’t think twice as her body collides with yours, forcing you to lay back down as the petite woman whimpered, cowering from the nightmare that looked far too real for her liking.

“It’s okay, it was just a dream.” She hears you whisper, your voice as gentle and soothing as ever when you run your fingers through her hair. “I’m right here. I’ll protect you.” You tell her and Sooyoung does her best to calm down with your help.

She might have seemed okay, but you knew better. A situation where she could have died was something traumatic, life changing, even. So you were patient in helping her get through everything and aiding her from the trauma you had partially induced on her from involving her into your life.

But by morning, she always assures you that it wasn’t your fault, either and that she was here to stay.

..

Sooyoung looked in confusion as you began to give out orders as though you were heading to war. The mansion had been busier than it usually was since she’s been living there and she was still curious about the newest things she’s seen. Ryujin had talked to her about the usual routine, but there were still various protocols she had yet to cover that Sooyoung found herself lost in certain situations until you or your right hand came to fetch her.

“Y/n, what’s happening?” Your girlfriend managed to catch your arm when you loaded your gun and holstered it. A knife was hidden under your jacket, the same knife you used to kill Minseok.

Your hard expression turned to her, lips pursed together before you shook your head. “We found Hanjin and I’m going to deal with that bastard, once and for all.” Hearing that caused her spine to straighten, the nightmare resurfacing, and she was talking before she could even think. “I want to come.”

To say you were surprised would be an understatement. She’s never brought the nightmare up with you. You knew she needed time to recuperate, so you didn’t pry and she was thankful for that. But she needed closure, and if seeing Hanjin finally get what he deserved was the means of getting that, then so be it.

“Are you sure?” You ask carefully and your girlfriend fixes you with a steely stare after a deep breath. “I am. Now, let’s go.” She mutters and you stare at her for a few more seconds before taking her hand, giving her one of your guns and staring right at her.

“Keep this and stay close to me.” You instruct and she nods before you both set out to finally meet the man who had been terrorizing the two of you since the day he took Sooyoung away.

You kept a hand on your girlfriend’s leg all the way to one of the houses you were told Hanjin was brought. It turns out that Taemin and his group were able to trace his whereabouts due to a slip up when he tried to smuggle some drugs in Incheon. Thanks to that, they were able to find him and tracked his routine until they were certain about where he would be next.

Getting off the van, you handed Sooyoung a gas mask before putting one on yourself. “Ryujin, have people surround the perimeter. Once every exit is secured, smoke him out.” Nodding, the blonde spoke into her comms and approached the main entrance first, making sure to keep you and Sooyoung covered as all of the people who arrived with you followed your orders in securing the area.

Once positions were confirmed, Ryujin gave the signal before smoke bombs were thrown into the windows and the first team started to enter the house. You took Sooyoung’s hand and kept her behind you before entering.

The gun was gripped tightly in her hands, her fingers trembling as her eyes looked around the smoke filled house. You walked through the halls with practice, your footsteps barely audible that Sooyoung would have thought you weren’t there if she wasn’t looking at you.

“He’s in here.” Ryujin spoke up while pointing at the opened door, grunts and coughing coming from inside and you nod your head before looking at your girlfriend. “You can-”

“I’m going.” She said firmly despite her shaking hands and you let out a sigh before nodding your head. “Alright.” Turning back to Ryujin, you told her to stay at the door to keep watch before you and Sooyoung headed inside, finding the male being tied down to a chair with blood dripping down his chin after a heavy punch was delivered to his stomach.

Seeing you before him, the man scowled while he felt his restraints tightening. “Tsk, I really shouldn’t have underestimated you.” He muttered before you took off your mask when the smoke had cleared up a bit. “Long time no see, hm?” You retort before walking over, giving the man a quick once over before letting the back of your hand connect with his cheek.

“You’re going to pay for what you did.” You growl before taking your knife out of your pocket and stabbing his hand on the seat, making the male yell out in pain before you held him in place as you threw another punch to his jaw.

At the side, Sooyoung could only watch as you gave every punch, slap, stab, and scratch on the male, giving him a much worse and torturous experience than the one he had given her. You didn’t grant him the mercy of taking him out as soon as you saw him, you made sure to make it hurt and wish he was dead.

When Hanjin saw the look on Sooyoung’s face and spat before smirking at her. “You see? This is what the person you’re dating is actually like. She’s holding you here against your will, isn’t she?” He mocked before you smacked him across the face again, your knuckles bruising from the amount of time you’d hit him, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy your anger.

“You really think you can talk your way out of this, you piece of shit?” You growled before Sooyoung gently tugged at your arm, forcing you away from the male. “What? Your lap dog calls the shots now?” Hanjin laughed despite the pain that shot up his body. “You’re just another pathetic little girl; weak and useless without people relying on you.”

Sooyoung could feel your anger radiating from you as she held your tense shoulders but she made sure to keep you calm, pressing a kiss to your temple as she ran her fingers through your hair. “It’s alright, just take a deep breath.” She whispered into your ear and you follow, sucking in a deep breath when you shut your eyes before feeling your girlfriend step away.

When you open your eyes, you’re thoroughly surprised when she was already facing Hanjin and shooting his left leg. “Son of a bitch!” The man yelled as he tried to get up, but Minwo and Jongin held him in place to keep him from moving further.

“I’m not the same girl you managed to snatch from my old life. I know better now and while I never pictured myself with this ever happening, you should be thankful.” She doesn’t flinch the second time she pulls the trigger, effectively shooting his other knee and then pressing the barrel of her gun against the stab wound you had left on his shoulder.

“I’m not as harsh as Y/n.” She stated before pulling the trigger one more time and you watch her in awe and disbelief when she uses the butt of the gun to hit the side of Hanjin’s head, knocking him out with the force of the hit before she nodded to the two men.

When she turns to you, there’s a light smile on her face before she takes your hand, gently running her thumb over your bruised knuckles before she pressed a kiss to each one. “Let’s go home. I have some work to do with you.” She says and you chuckle breathlessly before nodding your head.

“Clean this up for me. Make sure nothing comes back.” You ordered and the men nodded their heads before getting to work, spreading gasoline all over the place as you exited the house.

As soon as you entered the van to head back, you watched as the house blew up in flames before driving away and Sooyoung felt much lighter than she had ever been since she first found out about the darker side of your life.

While you made your way back to the mansion, Sooyoung was able to understand you better after what she had done. And when she realized that she really did shoot a man and helped aid in his murder, she wasn’t freaking out. It brought an odd sense of comfort to her, knowing that she was capable of doing more than she thought she ever could.

She wasn’t so scared with closing her eyes at night. With your arms around her and a gun within arm’s reach, she didn’t see why nightmares should be fazing her this time around.

[g0ldengubler]

chapter 5~the aftermath

(*i do not own this gif*)

A/N:

Category: fluff

CW: other than talking about weed and sex, it’s just pure fluff :)

Word Count: 2493

before you read | last chapter | next chapter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Don't make me say it again, angel. I can ruin you just by touching you and you know that."

"Yes, daddy!"

Spencer hovered over you, smirking as he continued to thrust inside you. You're tied up to his bed, all ankles and all wrists. He chokes you as he endlessly pounds you into the mattress, making you feel light headed yet your body is full of pleasure. You try to scream but nothing can come out. Spencer can tell you're close as your pussy clenches around his cock repeatedly.

"You wanna cum, princess? Does daddy's little girl want to cum all over his cock, hm?" Spencer asks. You try to answer him but he cuts you off.

"Beg." He growls as he lets go of your throat.

"Please daddy, please let me cum all over your cock! I can't hold it any longer PLEASE!" you scream. You can feel his cock twitch, knowing that he was close, too, "I need your cum daddy!"

He smirks again, giving a little chuckle as he leans in. "Cum for me, angel," he says harshly in your ear, "And don't be shy about it. I want to hear you as you feel my cum shoot inside you."

As he moves away from your ear and to the crook of your neck, your eyes roll to the back of your head. You scream even louder as you cum, mixing with his growls. "Yes baby, just like that...oh fUCK!"...

———————————

A thud from the other side of you jolts you from your slumber. You quickly turn around to the right of you and see nothing but a bent elbow popping out from the side of the bed. Spencer must've went to the bathroom at some point during the night, because his bedroom door was left open, letting sunlight shine through the room, hurting your eyes in the process. You get on all fours and crawl to the other side of the bed and level yourself higher to see if he was ok.

"You good?" you ask him, trying to hold back a laugh.

Spencer looks up at you, rubbing the back of his head. He had thrown on a pair of gray sweatpants and his top half was completely bare, showing off his body and, to your surprise, some muscle was showing. Nothing like Morgan's, but they were there, and looked really good on him with his long hair. The two of you just stare in silence for a few moments as you cover your mouth to not only help the laughing urges, but also because you couldn't believe you looked down at the sweatpants. A small part of you was hoping that he got morning wood or something.

"Yeah, my ass hurts, though." He chuckles.

You reach out for your hand and he takes it, pulling him up from the floor and lay back in bed. You lay facing each other, his hand being used to prop him up. He looks at you as if he's content with where his life is right now. You look into his eyes and see that he's comfortable, as if the two of you have known each other for years and this was something normal.

"Hi." Spencer says, looking down at you.

You were laying on your right arm, hands in fists underneath your chin, holding on to the comforter like a stuffed animal.

"Hi."

He reaches out with his right arm and moves a strand of hair from your face. "Did you sleep good?"

"Yeah, being high can make that happen," you chuckle, "Did you?"

"I haven't slept that good in a long time, and I thought sleeping after a finished case was the best."

You smile as he softly laughs at himself. Something about him made you have butterflies in your stomach. The smallest things he was doing made you feel something you couldn't put a finger on, as if there wasn't a name to it.

"Would you like some waffles?" Spencer asks softly.

You nod your head. You were never really a breakfast person, especially after that incident you had when you were five after puking in the middle of the movie theater from the pancakes you ate before hand. But waffles were special to you. Your father would make them every Sunday morning before going to the video store to grab a few dvd's for the movie night you'd have that night.

"Don't worry, I can make them." You said as you got out of bed and started to try to find your clothes.

Spencer hurries to his drawers and grabs you one of his Caltech shirts. "Ok 1.I folded your clothes and put them out in the living room, but wear this for now if you'd like. And 2.You don't have to do that, I don't mind making them. After all, it is my apartment."

"1. You're very sweet, thank you. And 2.True, but I don't think you'd want to miss out on my dad's special, homemade waffles."

He grins in excitement, curious as to what made the waffles so special.

-----------------------

"You were right, I'm glad I didn't miss out on these," Spencers says as he chews on his last bite, "these are amazing, Y/N!"

"Well thank you, kind sir!" You say in a funny British accent before taking a sip of the tea he made for you. Thank god he had your favorite, black tea. You were very vanilla when it came to the treats and drinks you liked, but you didn't care.

Spencers giggles a bit after swallowing, grabbing his coffee mug. The two of you were silent for awhile. He was reading one of his books that he got from his shelves as you looked around at the forest green walls of his apartment. You started to daydream about last night. The way he was so dominant with you, making you feel like you were his and only his. To touch, to feel, to hold. What were you guys now? You had just met a week ago and went from working on a case to getting high with Dr.Spencer Reid and fucking with him. It all happened so fast, you're just now feeling it like jet lag. You felt yourself shrivel up into a ball on the inside. You knew you had to talk about the past couple of nights, and you could tell that Spencer knew it, too.

"Spence, we need to talk." You say quietly.

He sets his coffee mug down on the table, looking down at the mug. "Yeah," he says, his eyes moving up to yours, "we do."

"What are we now," you ask, "We just met a week ago and already we did stuff that normally would happen after knowing each other for awhile. I enjoyed all of that, don't get me wrong, but...I don't know. Maybe what we have doesn't need a title." You look back to him in silence, the feeling of guilt and selfishness covering your entire body. "If you don't want to continue with any of this and just start being friends, as if none of this had happened, I'm tot-"

"That's the last thing I want to do," He reaches out across the table with both hands and holds yours into his, "Y/N, I really enjoyed these past two nights as well. I've never had a connection like this before, let alone do any kind of drug. I usually try to stay away from it because of my eidetic memory, but for some reason, I really, really loved getting high with you. I would like to continue what we have. Whether we use labels or not, we could be friends with benefits if you wanted to as well. I don't think I want this to end, and we've clicked since we met in the conference room."

You smiled at him. You didn't think he'd want to continue with you, let alone continue to be your friend. No one wanted to be your friend growing up, and the one friend you did have wasn't really the one to do the normal things friends do. Instead, they would go on and on and on about all the history facts they knew and never really valued you. Most of the time, they'd use you and ignore you, making fun of your love for wanting to stop the bad guys. Spencer was showing you different, however. He was listening to you, speaking back to your sentences. It was all so new coming from another person that wasn't your dad.

"Especially when it's with a pretty girl like you." He mumbles to himself as he raises his mug to his lips.

"What was that last part?" You ask.

"Hm?" He pretends to not know what you were talking about and you knew that, so you didn't push anymore.

"Well, since we both enjoy with what we have going on, I agree to a friends with benefits relationship with you," you said grabbing your tea, "but we have to keep it from the team. God, if they knew, all hell would break loose."

"Yeah, and Garcia isn't one for keeping secrets. Trust me, we had a new member several years ago and she only told Hotch and Morgan that she was pregnant. When she saw her glowing, Garcia grabbed her wrist and brought her into the conference room where she kinda made her announce to the rest of us."

You almost spit out your tea as you hold in a laugh. Even with this short amount of time, you could already tell that Garcia was just a bundle full of rainbows and unicorns and excitement, so much so she could never contain it. But the fact that she innocently made someone give this big announcement out when she probably wasn't ready to do so yet, that was something that didn't shock you fully, but did a little bit.

Spencer grabs both of your plates and brings them to the sink. He sits back down and takes another sip of his coffee. "How about we talk about it over lunch today," he asks, "There's a popular diner just a couple blocks from here that people are raving about. Says they treat their costumers like family, even if it's your first time there."

Before you could say yes, your phone rings. You pick it up and see that the caller ID was none other than your father. Spencer tells you he's going in the shower as you press the green button and put the phone up to your ear.

"Hey dad!"

"Hey, pumpkin! How's Dave and the team treating you?"

"Great! They welcomed me in right away, even though we were on a case. They treat each other like family, it's nice to have when you're surrounded by death."

"Yeah, I saw on the news. I'm so proud of you, you know that right? And I'm so glad that they're taking good care of you. I did call Dave on your first day to make sure of it."

"Dad!"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, I had to."

You then tell him about what happened after the case. Not everything, obviously, but you did tell him that you and Spencer really connected at Garcia's place and became really good friends after the case was over. You hear the shower turn off as you sit on the couch. Your father then asks you something, and you couldn't wait to tell Spencer. He ends it by telling you to have a good lunch with Spencer along with, "If that boy hurts you-" but you cut him off telling him not to worry, "He wouldn't even hurt a fly unless it was a serial killer."

"Alright honey, call me when you can ok? I love you."

"Love you, too Dad. Bye."

As you hang up, Spencer walks out with a towel wrapped around his waist, another smaller one running through his hair to dry. You look at him, speechless.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." He jokes.

"I might take you up on that offer," you say, "but maybe they'd be of me to send to you."

You wink at him. He then laughs and throws his wet hair towel at you. You throw it back, laughing along with him.

"So, your dad called?" He asked as he walked to his room to change.

"Yeah, he just wanted to make sure I was ok after the case and made sure that Rossi was treating me well along with the rest of you."

"Your father seems like a good man!" He says loudly.

"Yeah, he is. Thank god for that and for the fact I don't have any daddy issues."

"That's not what it looked like last night." He walks in wearing a tannish brown, grandpa-like cardigan with a maroon undershirt. His pants were a darker brown, darker like chocolate, and he paired it with his black converse. You grab a pillow from behind you and threw it at him and he throws it back, the laughter from before continuing.

"Be glad I called you sir and not daddy last night. I usually say daddy but only because it brings out the dominant personality during sex. I also have a theory that it also gives the guy a confidence boost. But I was respectful because we just met and I didn't know how'd you feel about it."

Spencer sits next to you, elongating his arm behind you, resting it on the top of the couch. "I mean," he begins, "I wouldn't mind being called daddy. I've only had sex a few times before this, but last night was completely different. I've never been like that before, ever. But I kind of liked it. Makes want to experiment more."

You smile at him, letting the feeling of embarrassment wash away. You always felt so insecure about that, especially because sometimes it gets a bad rep. But you loved being submissive way too much to let it sting you.

"Hey, Spence?"

"What's up?"

"Would you like to take a road trip to my dad's cabin in Michigan for the weekend?"

He thinks for moment, and as he does, you help convince him.

"No, my dad won't be there. But I think it'd be great to take advantage of it and use it as a way to get to know each other more. Maybe we could even go by the dispo's there and grab some things to pass the time..."

"Oh, now I'm in!"

[elizabeethan]

Forget What I Said (It’s Not What I Meant) 2/3

She continues to do what she does best. She ignores her feelings until she can’t anymore, and she deals with them by replacing them with the pleasure he brings her. A part of her tells her that she can’t continue doing this, but a bigger part of her tells her that it’s okay, because once they get back to Storybrooke, he’ll leave in favor of the sea or of finding another realm to pillage and plunder. Once he’s gone, she can forget any of this ever happened and move on.

It’s a perfect plan, except it doesn’t work. Because he stays.

Hello! @kmomof4​ requested Monday morning smut and I am here to deliver. But remember, with great smut comes great angst. That is the way of CS fic. And so I give you part 2 of my @neverlandnewyear fic.

Also, @donteattheappleshook and I are aware that we’re basically writing the same fic. That’s how this all started. so enjoy a double dose of Neverland nonsense.

finally, thank you to @the-darkdragonfly​ for being my beta and my friend

rated E for smut and language

~3600 words

Part 1

Read on Ao3

Tagging: @courtorderedcake @kmomof4 @stahlop @klynn-stormz @laschatzi @emelizabeth88 @lfh1226-linda @kday426 @elisethewritingbeast @timeless-love-story @captain-emmajones @gingerpolyglot @ebcaver @ilovemesomekillianjones @teamhook @superchocovian @itsfabianadocarmo @tiganasummertree @gingerchangeling @jrob64 @onceratheart18 @xhookswenchx @winterbaby89 @swampmedusa @ultraluckycatnd @dancingnancyy @love-with-you-i-have-everything @shireness-says @snowbellewells @hollyethecurious @ouatpost @daxx04 @the-darkdragonfly @donteattheappleshook​

She’s got to stop doing this. She told herself it would end after they got home to Storybrooke. Once they got home and he went off to his pirate life, things would go back to normal for her and she could work on getting her life back together. She didn’t expect the bastard to stick around. 

 She certainly didn’t expect him to tell Neal that he was backing off. 

 “I thought you were going to leave,” she shouts angrily as she boards his stupid ship. He pops up from below deck, holding his hand over his eyes to block the harsh afternoon sun. 

 “Come again, Swan?” 

 She rolls her eyes and walks closer to him, approaching the steps to below deck with forceful pressure. “It’s been two weeks and you're still here. I thought you were leaving after we got home.” 

 He shrugs, leaning his propped-up elbow against the archway he stands in. “Sorry to disappoint, love.”

Huffing angrily, she turns from him and rolls her eyes once more. “So what, you're just gonna hang around now?”

 “It’s quite a quaint little town,” he reasons. 

 “And where do you get off telling Neal you're backing off? You realize he’s not going to let it go now, right?” 

 He hums in a way that makes her so much angrier. “And that upsets you?” 

 “Yes it upsets me!” she shouts, throwing her arms up and letting them slap against her thighs as she spins to face him again. He straightens and raises a brow, stepping onto the main deck with her and getting just a bit too close. 

 “Is there anything to be done to rectify that, Swan?” he asks, his voice husky and rough and his eyes sparkling too much in the bright sun. 

 “No.” 

 “Nothing?” 

 She laughs breathily, angrily, and says, “shut up,” before grabbing onto his lapels and forcing their lips together in a heated kiss. 

 He chuckles against her, pulling her towards the ladder that leads below, to his quarters and out of the line of sight of anyone who may be walking by. 

 “We have to stop doing this,” she mumbles as he presses her against the steps once they get to the bottom. His lips find the sensitive skin of her neck as his body grinds into her’s, making her moan. 

 “Do you want to stop?” he asks breathily as he licks along her throat. 

 “No.” 

 Lifting her shirt above her head, his lips find her hardened nipple once he pushes the fabric of her bra away, licking and sucking in a way that makes her moan again. “Neither do I,” he says against her, the hot air blowing against her moistened skin making her shiver. 

 He trails his mouth down her torso, biting her flesh and soothing it with his tongue before he reaches the button of her jeans and pops it open. Sliding the fabric down her legs slowly, she feels the sharp, cool metal of his hook gliding along her skin and she shivers again, breath stuttering when she feels it brushing over the curls between her legs. 

 With a smirk, he lifts one of her legs above his shoulder, granting himself the access he needs as she sits on the edge of one of the steps. “I must say, I’m glad that we’re continuing our little tryst,” he says, his mouth so close to her core that she can feel his hot breath over her. “As much fun as we had amidst the trees, having you on my ship is something else entirely.” 

 She wants to tell him to stop talking so much, because she can’t stand to think about the fact that she’s allowing this to continue, but her words fall flat when he drags his tongue along her core, gathering her arousal and latching his lips to her clit. She lets out a breathy moan as he artfully traces her skin with his tongue before swirling a finger around her opening. He alternates the pressure and speed of his tongue against her before sliding his middle finger inside, curling it slightly and making her stomach flip as she moans again. 

 The way he touches her is addictive. She can’t stop herself from thrusting her hips into him slightly, longing for more from him and nearly slipping off the ladder as she does so. He chuckles against her and the reverberations makes her whimper pathetically before he slips a second finger inside. “Fuck,” she groans. 

 “That’s the idea, love. But not until you come for me first.” 

 A third finger finds its way into her and she cries out, squeezing around them as he speeds up his ministrations on her clip. He always knows exactly what she needs, and it’s something she tries, and fails, not to think about constantly. Perhaps if she had any semblance of self-control, she wouldn’t keep coming to him. But the way he touches her like he’s known her for centuries and the way he talks to her in exactly the right way is too good to pass up. 

 She comes hard around him, squeezing her walls on his fingers and her thighs on his head as she falls with a shout. He gives her almost no time to recover before he drops her leg and stands, holding the back of her knee with his hook and wrestling with the laces of his trousers before he’s thrusting himself inside her. Finally. 

 There’s nothing like the feeling of him buried in her. She can try and deny it all she wants, but she can’t ignore the fact that she’s never felt this good in her entire life. She likely never will again, once she finally puts a stop to this. She puts away the thoughts of ending this… thing between them in favor of focusing on the way he slides in and out of her effortlessly at the most perfect pace. She cries out when he flicks his fingers against her clit again. Her last orgasm was so powerful and so recent that she finds herself falling off the edge again in record time. “Don’t stop,” she begs, as she does every time, but he never does. 

 “Come on, love,” he encourages, thrusting a bit harder into her. “I can feel how close you are; come for me again.” 

 She listens to his commanding voice, because what choice does she have, really? He knows her body too well, and she can feel his smirk against her neck as she lets herself fall off the cliff’s edge once again before he follows suit. His own moans are muffled against her skin as he holds her tightly to himself. It’s too tight, they’re too close, but she can’t help herself from tightening her own hold around his shoulders as she catches her breath. 

 She realizes herself and loosens her grip, pushing on the front of his shoulders until he releases her leg and backs away from her. His chuckle is self-deprecating as he tosses her a small cloth. “Aloof as always, aye Swan?” 

 She rolls her eyes as she cleans herself up and hops back into her jeans. “We really have to stop doing this.” 

 “Why?” 

 She laughs, but it comes out as more of a scoff. “Because it’s a bad idea. We’re not… doing this,” she says, gesturing her hand towards him and shrugging. 

 “Well,” he says as he ties his laces back up. “It appears as if we are doing this. If you want to put a stop to it, I suppose you’ll need to discontinue your visits.” 

 She clears her throat, adjusting her top and trying to fix her hair. “I suppose I will,” she agrees. 

 “Of course,” he starts slowly, coyly, “no one said we have to stop.”

 “We do,” she says immediately, shutting down any suggestions he may be considering making. “I have responsibilities; I can’t keep sneaking off like a teenager. I have to put my family first.” 

 “Ah,” he says, looking down at his feet and looking as insecure as she’s ever seen him. “So I can assume you’ve made your choice, then?” Stilling, she sighs and turns away from the ladder she was about to climb. “You do know that having feelings is not a bad thing.” 

 “I don’t…” She doesn't have anything to say. 

 It’s his turn to sigh. “Aye, love, I know. If you’d prefer we stop here, then that’s what we shall do.” 

 She shouldn’t be surprised that he isn’t putting up a fight. He’s a man of honor, as he often claims. The fact that he’s putting her needs above his own desires shouldn’t leave her speechless. But in reality, all she can think of is how hard Neal has been fighting to be with her, and how unwilling he has been to take no for an answer. 

 ~~~~

 “Emma!” Mary Margaret calls once she walks through the door. She probably should have checked on the appearance of her hair and clothes before she walked home, but she’s hopeful that no one will know what she was up to in the middle of the afternoon. 

 “Hi,” she says back as she shuts the door. 

 “Where were you? We missed you after breakfast.” 

 “Uh,” she starts, her cheeks flaming and her steps towards the fridge halting. “I was, um—”

 “Oooh,” her mother responds with a smirk. “I see.” 

 “What?” Emma demands as she takes a few more steps and grabs a water bottle from the fridge. 

 With a coy chuckle, her mother says, “Emma, you’re blushing, and your shirt is… well,” as she nods downwards. When Emma looks that way, she sees a bit of her bra uncovered before scrambling to straighten out her shirt. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me what you were up to. I think I can put the pieces together.” 

 She hopes beyond hope that that isn’t true. “Well, whatever you’re assuming, don’t worry. I already put a stop to it.” 

 “Oh, honey, no,” she responds, much to Emma’s surprise. “I can tell that you’ve been a bit torn lately, but it’s clear that you’ve been happier.” 

 She takes a sip of water, unsure if she can handle a hope speech right now, and shrugs. “It’s not worth it,” she says. “Everyone I’ve ever been with… it’s just not worth it.” 

 “Emma,” Mary Margaret says firmly as she walks over to her daughter and puts a hand on her shoulder. “Never say that. You’re right, it is a risk. But it’s one you need to take knowing that there are uncertainties. It’s scary, and there’s the chance that you can be hurt, but Emma, the pros so outweigh the cons. Trust me, some things are worth it. Love is worth it.” 

 “Woah,” Emma says, “no one said anything about love. I don’t have any feelings for—”

 She laughs and places a hand on Emma’s shoulder. “Sweetheart, I know a woman in love when I see one. And you said it in Neverland yourself! He is the father of your child. He’s your first love. There’s nothing wrong with still having those feelings, especially if things between you are… physical.” 

 She chokes on her water, placing it down and coughing, hitting her chest, hoping to not expose one of the many bites hidden under her hair. “Mary Margaret,” she stutters, “it’s not like that.” 

 “I realize this is awkward. We aren't exactly roommates anymore, so maybe girl-talk is off the table. But, Emma... if there’s one thing I would tell you, it’s to listen to your heart.” 

 She scoffs. Her heart has certainly led her astray in the past, and she’s unsure why she should trust it now. The first time she did, she ended up alone in prison and pregnant at 17. The last time she did, he died in her arms. Her heart has never had her best interests in mind, she thinks. Perhaps that’s why she started things with the pirate; because he could never be someone her heart would fall for. Perhaps that’s why she feels so betrayed now that she knows that isn’t working. 

 He’s made it impossible for her to ignore her feelings. To ignore the fact that she even has feelings. She wishes so desperately that she could put these to the back of her mind and ignore them as she has always done. She wishes she could ignore the way he knows her so intimately without trying. The way he can read her immediately and invariably. The way he knows exactly what she needs, and not just sexually. The way he cradles her when they’ve finished and the way he lets her go when she asks. 

 It’s too much, so she ignores it. 

 ~~~~

 She swore she wouldn’t wind up here. 

 She promised herself she would move on, and that her yellow bug would not find its way to the port on that or any night. 

 She vowed that her feelings, which she continues to stubbornly ignore, would not interfere with her plans.

 But now here she is, watching him happily and fancifully stroke his stupid hook through her hair, tucking her flyaways back into her bun. 

 She hates herself for sitting here in her car, under the pretense of patrol, watching them flirt with each other and wishing it were her. 

 Tink laughs, Hook does too, and Emma nearly retches. 

 ~~~~

 “Emma!” She hears from the diner door days later, and when she turns she’s met with exactly what she was expecting: disappointment. 

 “Hi,” she mumbles once he sits across from her. 

 “Hey,” he says happily, giving her a smile she once trusted. The one that convinced her to do what she would never do now— now that she’s an adult with the experience and knowledge needed to make decisions. “How’s it going,” he asks causally. 

 “Fine,” she grumbles, noting her near-empty mug and the fact that he doesn’t notice her need for a refill. 

 “Cool.” 

 Things between them are far too awkward, and she wishes she weren’t in this diner. She wishes Henry hadn’t just left for school and that she had a bit of a buffer between herself and the threat before her. 

 She wishes she didn’t see him as a threat.

 “Ems” he starts, leaning across the table at her. As he does so, she sees the Neal she knew twelve years ago and lets her guard down faster than she thought possible. “Go out with me,” he says in a tone that demands an affirmative response.

 She clears her throat, hoping to remain strong and to consider what he put her through the last time they were involved with each other. “I don’t know,” she responds. 

 He smiles at her, that crooked smile she recognizes as the one her 17 year old self fell in love with, and takes a sip from his drink. “Come on,” he says. “You already stood me up once. I don’t have to ask you out again, but I am.” 

 She blushes at his mention of the last time they were here— when he waited for her to show up and she didn’t. “I’m sorry,” she says, without thinking about it and without truly meaning it. 

 “Hey, I get it. We went through a lot together, the whole Bonnie and Clyde act. But we’ve both grown up. And Henry thinks it’s a good idea.” 

 With a roll of her eyes she says, “of course he does. He’s eleven, why wouldn’t he want his parents to be together.” 

 “Why shouldn’t they be?” 

 “Neal,” she starts, but she isn't sure where she should go from here.

 Before she can decide, he’s standing from the booth and she almost feels relief at the thought of him leaving. She’s almost able to take in another breath, let go of the one she’s been holding, but before she can, he’s sitting beside her and pushing her down to the end of the bench, encasing her in the booth and making it impossible for her to run. “Come on,” he says softly, leaning his face towards her. 

 The confusion she feels is overwhelming as he leans towards her, the warmth of his breath washing over her mouth and the scent of his cologne taking over her senses. She hasn’t been in this position in twelve years, and now that she’s back, she isn’t sure what to do. If he had found her here a year or two ago, she would have jumped at the opportunity to be with him again. But now, something has changed. Now, she realizes what life is like without him. Not only without him, but with someone else. 

 When his lips press to hers, the only thought she has is how chapped they are and how greasy his nose is as it glides against her own. The only coherent thought she has is how she almost raises her fingers to slide through his hair, but stops herself. She thinks about how wrong his goatee feels against her chin. She thinks about how unpleasurable it is when he bites her bottom lip lightly. 

 Breaking away from him, she wipes the back of her hand against her mouth to remove any evidence of him being there and pinches her brows together. “I don’t,” she says, but again, she’s unable to form a thought. 

 “So good it left you speechless?” he asks, and she scoffs. 

 “I have to go,” she says to him promptly, pushing on his shoulders and hoping that he backs off of the bench enough for her to exit. 

 “What do you mean?” he asks her forcefully. 

 “I mean I have to go. There’s something I have to…” She can’t continue, can’t finish her thought. She knows she can’t tell him what she’s about to do. Knows she can’t explain to him that, despite ending things between herself and Hook, she needs him more than she needs to breathe right now. 

 “Seriously?” His voice is vapid as she stands. “I’m Henry’s father. You can’t seriously be telling me that there’s someone out there who’s a better match for you.” 

 With another scoff and a shake to her head, she grabs her jacket and heads out the door. 

 ~~~~

 The ship is silent when she arrives, trying her hardest to sneak across the deck without the heels of her boots clicking too loudly against the aged wood. The problem is that her adrenaline is absolutely spiking and she’s finding it difficult to slow herself down. What she needs is the release that he’s guaranteed to bring her. 

 “Swan,” he says once he arrives on the main deck she’s trying to sneak across. 

 “Oh,” she exclaims in surprise. “Hi.” 

 “It’s the middle of the morning, love, is something wrong?” 

 “No,” she lies. 

 “Shouldn’t you be at the station?” 

 With a shrug and a few steps closer to him, she says, “something came up.” 

 He sighs. His nod and the purse of his lips tell her that he understands her meaning and why she’s here, so she proceeds towards him until her hands find his shoulders. “We can’t,” he says, much to her surprise. 

 She draws in her brows in confusion and leans towards him, saying, “of course we can.” 

 “No,” he says forcefully, pushing her back with gentle conviction. “We can’t. You said you wanted to end things.” 

 “Tomorrow,” she tries to reason. Then, “I want you now,” as she pushes forward again.

 But he’s faster and stronger and he pulls away from her and grabs her wrist, keeping her from grabbing his lapel as she normally would do. “No.” 

 With an angry, childish scoff, she says, “come on, seriously?” 

 “Do you want me, or do you want a distraction?” 

 “A distraction from what?” she demands, practically shoving herself away from him. 

 “You tell me. I’m willing to bet something happened that’s making you come here. Something with Baelfire, perhaps?” 

 With an indignant laugh, she turns away from him. “Please. You think you know me so well?” 

 “Aye, I do. I think something happened that made you think and you couldn’t handle it. So you’ve come here to use me again.” 

 “Again!” 

 “You’re telling me, honestly, that you coming here every other night isn’t because of Baelfire, or because your mother pushes you to be with him, or because Henry wants his parents to be together? Are you honestly trying to tell me that you don’t come here as a distraction from all of this?”

 “Hook,” she tries, but again, she has nothing to say. 

 “I have feelings for you, Emma. I want to be with you. With you.” His tone is so real and his eye contact with her so deep and intense that she has to look away. 

 “I could’ve sworn you wanted to be with Tink from the way you two were ogling each other the other night,” she says accidentally, slapping her palm against her mouth as she lets slip that she was here. 

 His laugh is self deprecating. It’s almost hateful as he shakes his head and turns away from her. “I want you, love, more than anything. But I don’t want to be your secret. I’m not willing to sit around and wait for you to come to your senses. If you don’t have feelings for me as I do you, then I think you should go.”

 “Hook,” she tries again uselessly. 

 “Please,” he begs, refusing to look her way for the first time. “I’ve known enough heartbreak in my life. I’ve learned to prevent it where I can.” 

 With that, with his words hanging heavy between them and her eyes glassing over in response, she turns away and stalks towards the gangplank, careful not to let the tears fall and the sobs break loose until she’s locked away in her bug. 

 ~~~~

 ~~~~

[whump-town]

A Cumbersome and Heavy Body

Chapter Four: How to Disappear Completely

Summary: Stubborn until the very end, Aaron Hotchner isn’t going to go down without a fight. It’s just getting hard to tell the difference between fighting them and fighting the cancer.

Word count:  2,670 (not very long but I’m getting back into the swing)

Author’s Note: I know it’s been like freaking two months but this felt nice and I remembered how much I actually enjoy this fic. You can find the first chapter here!

Warning: the subject of this fic is cancer and it’s treatment, cursing, maybe out of character (idk, man. hotch is weird) bonus: I’m 19 and a humanities major so obviously I don’t know anything about medicine so I’m doing my best out here

I'm not here I'm not here This isn't happening I'm not here I'm not here

She’s not allowed to go with him to treatments-- radiation treatments, he never said anything about chemo. You’d think she was the ex-lawyer but really she’s just mastered the art of annoying him. “That’s a straight flush, eat it!” She lays the cards out for him to see, grinning as his face falls and he realizes that he’s lost to her, again. “We totally should have played strip-poker.”

He rubs a hand over his face, digging his fingers into his eye socket. “That’s the last thing I need,” he mumbles, leaning back against his chair. He’s exhausted and freezing his ass off despite the long-sleeved t-shirt he’s wearing under his flannel and the blanket Emily’s tucked around him. There’s no point in bringing it up, no point in talking about it. No one can do anything about it. He’s just cold and he can handle the clump of hair that fell in the sink this morning and the fact that all foods, even foods that he’s considered safe for decades, betray his body. This being cold all the time thing though? It’s pissing him off and it makes him feel even more helpless because he can’t control his emotions.

Nevermind, most of his control over everything is gone. He’s stuck in this chair until the toxic whatever they have hanging above his head enters his body. The whole bag and a two-hour, maybe longer, wait. For comfort, he’s got an endless supply of blankets, all as thick as paper, and a popsicle. He likes popsicles but he’s certain he’ll throw up anything he eats right now. So he sticks to lightly sipping his water. At least he gets to control the water most of the time. Occasionally they even get to veto his decisions there.

“I’ll give you a break,” she offers. She can see he’s having a hard time. He knows he’s lucky to have her as his shadow but that doesn’t do much for the temper he’s struggling to control. “I’m going to go call JJ,” she knocks her hand against his knee and he hums his understanding. He’s moved his body up, sitting up enough to tilt to the left, his head in his palm, and his fingers moved to block her view of a pained grimace. Trying and failing to keep her distracted with his silence.

Knowing that crouching down beside him would create far more attention to his discomfort that is such grave importance to him to hide, she just lowers her voice and quietly asks, “do you want me to get some more water?” He shakes his head, just rocking his forehead into his palm. His attention lost to a sea of pain. “Okay,” she mumbles, feeling utterly helpless. A feeling she’s becoming quite familiar with.  

The worst part is knowing there’s nothing she can do physically for him but there are some people that never fail to draw a smile to his face. So she texts Spencer and Penelope, hoping Reid will numb Hotch out with never-ending conversation and Garcia will lighten his sludge. She hesitates to ask Jessica to bring Jack over. After the night they watched the Chronicles of Narnia he’s been a little outwardly disruptive. Acting out and it’s to be expected, this isn’t easy for anyone and it’s impossible for a child who has already lost his mother. But it will be good for Hotch and Jack so she risks it and Jessica seems to agree.

“You’re back early.” What she does not account for is Derek Morgan beating them back. They walk in and hear a racket, and though their training should have them reaching for guns not strapped to their hips, they both just glare at the direction in which it’s coming from. Derek stands up, eyeing them both over, and motioning to something out of their sight. “Was just fixing the sink.” He’s covered in dirt and sweat, it’s evident he was fixing something though the state of his shirt looks more like he breaking something.

Emily is opening her mouth to inquire but Hotch beats her to it. His tone and his mood are not in a good place and if she’d known Morgan was here ahead of time she would have warned him. Morgan has no warning when Hotch’s already firmly placed scowl turns even crueler and he grumbles, “the sink wasn’t broken.”

She’s stuck standing between them, Hotch walking away and Morgan watching his back and looking hopelessly at her to explain what just happened. She’s not sure if she’s allowed to follow Hotch or if she’s better here explaining his behavior. It’s just like old times, she thinks bitterly. To Foyet and his pain and she can’t say she’s surprised, he really held out. She can’t blame him for being in a bad mood, he’s in pain. It’s his cancer, he’s allowed to be pissed about it.

“He okay?”

She is surprised to find that Morgan isn’t angry. That he looks nearly sad standing there, torn between going after him and being reassured by her. “He’s…” she won’t tell him about the drive back. Hotch silent but in so much pain he’d been restless, incapable of sitting still in the car. Or this morning how he’d needed her help just putting on a shirt. The hair she’s noticed falling out but he’s not commenting on it so she certainly won’t breathe a word. That they’re up all night, the sound of Hotch’s pacing making her too worried to rest or barreling through the house to find him curled around the toilet looking miserable. That he’s losing weight rapidly and she doesn’t struggle to help him up anymore-- but she tells herself it’s because she’s getting stronger because she has to.

“He’s Hotch,” she reasons, foolishly. “Of course, he’s okay.”

-------------------------------

Garcia would lay her own life down in a heartbeat to protect the team if they’d let her. She owes them all so much for the quality that they have given her life over the past few years. They have built a family around her, from the ground up, and accepted her through all her flaws and misadventures. No one as much as her suit-clad, knight in shining armor boss. Hotch has been there for her since before there was even really a team. When no one else would, he gave her so much more than a chance-- he believed in her. When no one else, when no one had even tried since her parent’s death. Even when time and time again she made mistakes, pushed rules, and on his last nerve. He never tore her down.

He commends her strangeness, even if she suspects he doesn’t fully understand it. Smiles good-naturedly when she brings him holiday-themed ties so they can match and allows her silly days out for conventions beyond his own taste. He’s never grasped a full understanding of her but he’s never given up trying. He commends her abilities to do this job and also reminds her how proud he is of her, to have her on his team, and to call her a friend. So, yeah, if Hotch needs a little pick-me-up, she’s his man.

“Are you two fucking?”

Garcia freezes. The key Hotch gave her half-way in its retreat from the lock and the door only slightly opened. She’s technically coming in unannounced but Hotch had given her this key under the same pretenses as the one that gave her access to his and Haley’s house-- in case she needs him. The situations are flipped now, he needs her, but the sentiment is still the same. She’d prepared for the Hotch’s thousand-word frown upon entrance just not the verbal assault of “are you two fucking”.

She hesitantly makes her way into the room, peeking around the corner of the wall that separates the kitchen from the living room. Emily and Morgan are standing there, both looking equally disgusted and annoyed. She watches Emily fluster, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. “What?” she barks out in pure surprise. “He’s-- NO!”

Morgan reciprocates his own franticness, waving at Emily’s clothes, “you’re-- you’re... matching!” He’s grabbing at straws for the most part. His own anxieties and fears coming into play to create this monster of a beast he can’t stop thinking about. To distract himself from the panicked thoughts he has about watching his friend die he’s conjured a reality in which it makes sense that Emily and Hotch would be boning. Really, it’s only bothering him because he has no idea what he would do if the two of them were… doing something. It’s just-- just disgusting. Hotch is Hotch, he doesn’t… do that.

Emily rolls her eyes, “Derek, I see him every day. I live with him.” She makes an exasperated throwing motion with her hands, tossing them upwards. “It’s going to happen occasionally, alright? We own similar articles of clothing.” She motions down to her clothes, “we’re ‘matching’ because we look a lot alike and he knows green is his color just like I know it’s mine!”

Of course, that’s what she says now but this morning when she was working the tiny ass buttons of his shirt together she’d given him endless shit about managing to pick out the one shirt the two of them both own. He couldn’t change-- that day’s appointments needed full access to his chest and the easiest way to do that is to wear easily opened and shut clothing. She could change but simply refused-- it was far more entertaining to tell him they looked like those preschoolers whose parents dressed them to match.

He wasn’t amused.

“Besides,” she adds just to a rise out of him, “he’s not supposed to be doing anything strenuous until the rash on his chest clears back up.” She tucks a strand behind her ear, nonchalant. “Even then I would have to be on top.” She smiles as he sputters, satisfied with her own work.

Morgan frowns, “No!” He momentarily covers his ears, shaking his head. “Why do you even-- How do you know that?”

Emily shrugs, “Oh… well, his doctor thought we were… you know.”

Garcia isn’t sure where her allegiance should be. If Hotch and Emily are… she’d prefer not to know the details. Well, she’s interested because it’s Emily but it’s also Hotch. She makes a face, the thought… it-- Hotch needs to lighten up. He needs someone back in his life that can bring some fun but Emily is, well she’s Emily! It f-

“Is she done tormenting Morgan, yet?”

Garcia reels around, caught off guard by a sudden deep but unimpressed voice behind her. When she turns, she finds Hotch. He’s dressed down, out of the attire Morgan and Emily had been talking about. Now, in a simple Hanes t-shirt and black sweatpants. Comfortable-- she likes the way he looks. It may not be his usual attire but it makes him look more… dad-like. More himself.

Garcia looks back over her shoulder and finds herself grinning. Her boss may seem like a boring, hardass but he can have his fun too. No doubt, he either gave Emily the idea to go torment Morgan (never direct but planted the seedling idea) or, at the very least, gave her permission. “I don’t think so,” she answers honestly. “She’s not going to let it go if she knows it bothers him that much.” Which is completely true.

Hotch smiles, softly. A dimple making a guest appearance as he shakes his head. Only Emily Prentiss. He looks Garcia down, lifting a brow at the sight of all the things in her arms. “Can I help you with that?” he offers, motioning to the filled Tupperware clutched to her chest so that they don’t topple over.

She remembers, suddenly, the armful of goodies she has. “Oh yes, sir!” She lets him take a few off the top, telling him what they are as he acquires them. “Those are macadamia nut cookies! This really nice woman--” she follows him as he takes the containers and directs her to the kitchen. “She moved in across the hall from me. She loves to bake and so she’s been giving me all these little recipes.”

He moves right past Emily and Derek, smiling to himself at the panicked raise in Derek’s tone as they catch sight of one another. He directs his attention back to Garcia, making sure she knows he’s listening. Though he doubts his own abilities to dig into the delicacies Garcia has brought, he knows that Jack and Emily will rip them to shreds. Which is the honorable way Garcia’s cooking should go, straight into very gracious mouths.

“I really hadn’t been able to test them out,” she continues. “So, I thought why not try them all right now and bring them to you!” She smiles cheerfully up at him, their height difference more apparent when he looks down realizes she’s not wearing her signature heels. She’s wearing pink converse, perfectly complimenting her pink sweater and pink glasses and jewelry. He thinks she looks positively amazing but knows any compliments will have him smothered in kisses and, well, he’s already been accused of sleeping with one coworker...

Mind still wandering off on the subject of his height and when the last time he saw Garcia in shoes other than heels, he settles a soft smile on her. She keeps talking, showing him each container's contents. It’s the exhaustion that leads him down the path beaten path of dissociation, his mind simply slipping out from beneath him. Someplace warm and fuzzy where his body doesn’t ache.

“Aaron--” He blinks, startling at the sudden touch to his shoulder. He looks down to find Emily and an anxious-looking Garcia. He’s sure Emily and Derek’s conversation about their relationship is now going to seem more damning as her hand slips into his. She squeezes his fingers, “you okay?” Her eyes flick between his, searching for an answer that’s going to be far more honest than the one he produces on his own.

He clears his throat, forcing himself not to blush. “Yeah,” he croaks. “I don’t… I don’t know what that was.” He bashfully averts his eyes to the kitchen floor, very aware of their attention on him now. Too much attention. It’s impossible to hide the way he shivers, the paling, near purpling of his arms. He knows it’s inevitable that they’ll notice but… he’d like to think himself some mastermind. Impervious to the tests of cancer and his treatments. That they don’t affect him. He can hide the central line under layers of clothes. Wear hats to hide the hair. Fake a smile and force his way through the day.

But he’s failing miserably. They see it. The radiation rash now sitting at the base of his neck, red and angry. Peaking out through his shirts. The bulge of the central line under his normal shirts. The nose bleeds that never stops, he’s scarred Reid and Morgan for life with those. The tinnitus that’s recently come back with a vengeance. He’s affected, good and proper, and he hates it. Hates that he has to be so blatantly mortal in front of everyone. Never gets a say in if today is good or bad. If he’ll be too weak to get out of bed or too sick to eat. He hates it.

Garcia is the first person to properly break the tension. She playfully knocks Hotch in the shoulder, more of a tap than anything. It’s careful and his throat tightens with the realization of how weak he must look to make Garcia afraid she could hurt him with a simple tap.  “It’s all good, sir.” She settles a small smile on him, “but you can make it up to me by eating?”

Eating. He runs his tongue along his bottom lip, swallowing thickly around the sick twist of his stomach. “Okay,” he answers softly, forcing a smile to match hers when she beams. Thinking she’s won against his unruly stomach. 

Emily glances at him but ignores it. 

He just wants to be normal again. 

@laiba-the-person, @emily-hottie-prentiss, @unionjackpillow, @clockedstar, @baumarvel, @blakeprentiss, @qvid-pro-qvo, @aaron-hotchner187, @ssalavellan, @lazyhater (Just lmk if you don’t want to be tagged anymore)

[twifeordeath]

Twife or Death: Lesbian Twilight Chapter 22

Updated as of (3-31-2021) (previous) (all chapters)

All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer, and this project is non-profit and fan entertainment.

—————————–

22. HIDE AND SEEK

“What was it?” I’d lost control of my voice — it was flat, uncaring.

Jasper stared at me. I kept my expression vacant and waited. Her eyes flickered between Alice’s face and mine, feeling the chaos. I knew what Alice had seen.

A peaceful atmosphere settled around me. I didn’t fight it. I used it to keep my emotions under control.

Alice recovered, too. Her face snapped back to its normal expression.

“Nothing,” she said, her voice amazingly calm and convincing. “Just the same room as before.” She looked at me, focusing for the first time. “Did you want breakfast?”

“I’ll eat at the airport.” I was calm, too. Almost like I was borrowing Jasper’s extra sense, I could feel Alice’s well-concealed desperation to get me out of the room, so that she could be alone with her. So she could tell her that they were doing something wrong, that they were going to fail.

Alice was still focused on me.

“Is your mother all right?”

I had to swallow back a throatful of bile. I could only follow the script I’d planned earlier.

“My mom was worried,” I said in a monotone voice. “She wanted to come home. It’s okay. I convinced her to stay in Florida for now.”

“That’s good.”

“Yes,” I agreed robotically.

I turned and walked slowly to the bedroom, feeling their eyes following the whole way. I shut the door behind me, and then I did what I could. I showered and got dressed in clothes that fit me. I dug through the duffel bag until I found my sock full of money—I emptied it into my pocket.

I stood there for a minute, staring at nothing, trying to think of things I was allowed to think about. I came up with one idea.

I knelt by the little bedside table and opened the top drawer. Underneath the complimentary copy of the Bible, there was a stash of stationery and a pen. I took a sheet of paper and an envelope out of the drawer.

“Edythe,” My hand was shaking.

I love you.

Sorry—again. So sorry.

She has my mom, and I have to try. I know it may not work. I am so very, very sorry.

Don’t be mad at Alice and Jasper. If I get away from them it will be a miracle. Tell them thank you for me. Alice especially.

And please, please don’t come after her. That’s what she wants. I can’t stand it if anyone else has to be hurt because of me, especially you. Please, this is the only thing I can ask you now. For me.

I’m not sorry that I met you. I’ll never be sorry that I love you.

Forgive me.

Bella.

But before I could put any of those words on the page, I felt a scream bubble up in my throat. All the emotions I’d been trying to repress- I tried to smother it with my hands but in the quiet hotel room it was like a gunshot. Alice was instantly by my side. 

“Bella, what’s wrong?” Her eyes were wild, darting around the room, like she was trying to find both the danger present in this moment as well as the potential dangers in the future. Jasper stood at the door, hesitating.

And then it all came out. The threats, the fact that I never even got to talk to my mom at all, Jamie threatening to kill her if I didn’t come alone- Jasper was on my other side now, a steady presence. I tried to focus on her hand on my shoulder, tried to tie my attention to my body and not my anxieties- but it was just too much.

The room started to darken- I couldn’t get enough breath- my heart was beating so hard I was surprised it hadn’t given out yet- I just couldn’t breathe-

A wave of darkness dragged me under, and I knew no more.

I resurfaced in fits and starts, my whole body aching. It felt like I’d been run over by a truck. No, a train. It hurt to breathe, but I was breathing. So that was a start. I felt a cool hand in mine, a soft stream of steady comfort flowing into my chest. Jasper.

“How-” I croaked, then started coughing. A strong arm was around my shoulders, holding me up, and someone held a bottle of water to my lips. I drank, gratefully, then finally opened my eyes. We were in a car.

I tried again. “How long was I out?” This time at least I made it through the whole sentence.

“Only an hour. We’re halfway to your mother’s house.” Alice replied, looking distracted.

“But-”

“We will get out ten blocks away. Just in case someone’s watching the house.” Jasper says, squeezing my hand.

“The others will be arriving soon, as soon as they can.” I didn’t know if she was keeping it vague for my sake or because she wasn’t sure herself.

Jasper looked over at Alice when she didn’t continue, then back at me. “We have a plan. We just need to make sure Jamie suspects as little as possible. I won’t sugar coat this Bella. You might get hurt. But neither you or your mom will be in serious danger. Here.”

She handed me one of the slim silver phones. “Before you enter the house, call Alice. She’s on speed dial one. She will add Carine to the call, and you can tuck the phone into the inside pocket of this jacket.”

She patted the front of an unfamiliar jacket I was now wearing. I nodded numbly. “That way we can hear everything that’s happening, and we know when to make our move. We will be right behind you Bella, I swear. We won’t let you or your mother get hurt. Do you believe me?”

“I- I believe you.” It came out shaky and not very confident, but it seemed to be enough.

“The Black pack and Esme are keeping an eye on Charlie. Julie insisted on coming with Edythe and the others on the flight.”

“Julie’s coming?” I felt a strange kind of lightness in my chest, like the aftershock of me finding out I would see Edythe soon. I missed Julie. I hadn’t gotten to see her in too long.

“Yes.” There was an unfamiliar undertone to Jasper’s voice, almost- amusement? No, pride? I didn’t know.

“They’ve landed.” Alice said, her eyes still focused on something neither one of us could see. “They’ll be ten minutes behind us. They’re going directly to the studio.”

“Jasper, you can let go now.” She turned to me with a question in her eyes. I just took a deep breath and nodded. She let go of my hand and slowly, the distant buzz of panic started to turn into a dull roar.

We turned onto a familiar street. One of them must’ve been keeping an eye on the road because Alice takes out her phone and Jasper looks down at mine. I’m sure holding down one number isn’t hard, but my hands are shaking so much I barely trust myself to do even that.

There’s a small crunch and then Jasper tucks the phone into the hidden pocket of the jacket. When I look up at her, confused, she gives me a small, slightly feral smile.

“Broke the end call button. So you can’t accidentally hang up on us.”

I feel my lips tug into what is no doubt a very bad imitation of her smile. She pats my head, but it doesn’t feel condescending. It feels comforting. I guess this is her way of saying she cares.

And then, too soon, they both stepped out of the car. Alice leaned forward to press a kiss to my forehead. I tried not to cry.

“You are strong Bella. And remember, we are right behind you.” Something in her eyes blazed, and I felt it light a spark deep inside of me. I could do this. I had to do this. Then the doors closed and I was alone again.

“Hey, what was the number?”

The cabbie’s question startled me so hard I flinched. The fear I’d tamped down for a few minutes took control again.

“Fifty-eight twenty-one.” My voice sounded strangled. The cabbie looked at me like she was nervous.

“Here we are, then.” She was anxious to get me out of her car, probably hoping I wouldn’t ask for change.

“Thank you,” I whispered. There was no need to be afraid, I reminded myself. I knew the house was empty. I had to hurry; my mom was waiting for me, terrified, maybe hurt already, in pain, depending on me.

I ran to the door, reaching up automatically to grab the key under the eave. It was dark inside, empty, normal. The smell was so familiar, it almost incapacitated me. It felt like my mother must be close, just in the other room, but I knew that wasn’t true.

I ran to the phone, turning on the kitchen light on my way. There, on the whiteboard, was a ten-digit number written in a small, neat hand. My fingers stumbled over the keypad, making mistakes. I had to hang up and start again. I concentrated on just the buttons this time, carefully pressing each one in turn. I was successful. I held the phone to my ear with a shaking hand. It rang only once.

“Hello, Bella,” that easy voice answered. “That was very quick. I’m impressed.”

“Is my mom okay?”

“She’s perfectly fine. Don’t worry, Bella, I have no quarrel with her. Unless you didn’t come alone, of course.” Light, amused.

“I’m alone.” I wasn’t lying. There was nobody else in the house.

“Very good. Now, do you know the ballet studio just around the corner from your home?”

“Yeah. I know how to get there.”

“Well, then, I’ll see you very soon.”

I hung up.

I ran from the room, through the door, out into the morning heat.

From the corner of my eye, I could almost see my mother standing in the shade of the big eucalyptus tree where I’d played as a kid. Or kneeling by the little plot of dirt around the mailbox, the cemetery of all the flowers she’d tried to grow. The memories were better than any reality I would see today. But I raced away from them.

I felt so slow, like I was running through wet sand—I couldn’t seem to get enough purchase from the concrete. I tripped over my feet several times, once falling, catching myself with my hands, scraping them on the sidewalk, and then lurching up to plunge forward again. At last I made it to the corner. Just another street now; I ran, sweat pouring down my face, gasping. The sun was hot on my skin, too bright as it bounced off the white concrete and blinded me.

When I rounded the last corner, onto Cactus, I could see the studio, looking just as I remembered it. The parking lot in front was empty, the vertical blinds in all the windows drawn. I couldn’t run anymore—I couldn’t breathe; fear had gotten the best of me. I thought of my mother to keep my feet moving, one in front of the other.

As I got closer, I could see the sign taped inside the door. It was handwritten on bright pink paper; it said the dance studio was closed for spring break. I touched the handle, tugged on it cautiously. It was unlocked. I fought to catch my breath, and opened the door.

The lobby was dark and empty, cool, the air conditioner thrumming. The plastic molded chairs were stacked along the walls, and the carpet was damp. The west dance floor was dark, I could see through the open viewing window. The east dance floor, the bigger room, the one from Alice’s vision, was lit. But the blinds were closed on the window.

Terror seized me so strongly that I was literally trapped by it. I couldn’t make my feet move forward.

And then my mom’s voice called for me.

“Bella? Bella?” That same tone of hysterical panic. I sprinted to the door, to the sound of her voice.

“Bella, you scared me! Don’t you ever do that to me again!” Her voice continued as I ran into the long, high-ceilinged room.

I stared around me, trying to find where her voice was coming from. I heard her laugh, and I spun toward the sound.

There she was, on the TV screen, mussing my hair in relief. It was Thanksgiving, and I was twelve. We’d gone to see my grandmother in California, the last year before she died. We went to the beach one day, and I’d leaned too far over the edge of the pier. Mom had seen my feet flailing, trying to reclaim my balance. “Bella? Bella?” she’d cried out in panic.

And then the TV screen was blue.

I turned slowly. The tracker was standing very still by the back exit, so still I hadn’t noticed her at first. In her hand was a remote control. We stared at each other for a long moment, and then she smiled.

She walked toward me, got just a few feet away, and then passed me to put the remote down next to the VCR. I pivoted carefully to watch her.

“Sorry about that, Bella, but isn’t it better that your mother didn’t really have to be involved in all this?” Her voice was kind.

And suddenly it hit me. My mom was safe. She was still in Florida. She’d never gotten my message. She’d never been terrified by the dark red eyes staring at me now. She wasn’t in pain. She was safe.

“Yes,” I answered, my voice breaking with relief.

“You don’t sound angry that I tricked you.”

“I’m not.” My sudden high made me brave. What did it matter now? It would be over soon. Charlie and Mom would never be hurt, would never have to be afraid. I felt almost dizzy from the relief. Some analytical part of my mind warned me that I was close to snapping from the stress, but then, losing my mind sounded like a decent option right now.

“How odd. You really mean it.” Her dark eyes looked me up and down. The irises were nearly black, just a hint of ruby around the edges. Thirsty. “I will give your strange coven this much, you humans can be quite interesting. I guess I can see the draw of observing you more closely. It’s amazing—some of you seem to have no sense of your own self-interest at all.”

"What do you want from me?" My voice was calm, indifferent. Dangerously so.

I attempted to get my heart rate up again by thinking of all the ways they could kill me. Nothing worked, not after the relief of discovering my mother's safety. At least Jamie hadn't noticed yet.

Jamie raised an eyebrow. "From you? Nothing."

I was confused for a moment, then it hit me. My eyes widened.

"No," I hissed. "You're not touching her."

"Why are you so worried, sweet bird?" Jamie crooned. "I heard that Edythe Cullen could read minds -- she can protect herself just fine. But you..." She reached out with a finger to trace my cheeks. Instantly I jerked away.

"I've always wanted to try my luck against a mind reader," she continued. "Don't we all?"

I became aware of four pairs of glistening teeth, their fangs protruding horribly out of their mouths.

"And not just a mind reader --" she counted on her hand, "-- a seer and a emotion-manipulator as well. You saw what they can do at that meeting, no?"

"Stop it," I said.

"It would be a marvelous hunt," she sighed. "Six of us against seven weak, pitiful, pacifists. The Volturi had limits on killing humans, but not so for our own kind." Her red eyes focused on mine. "I wonder how long those pretty ambers of theirs keep their color. A day? Two weeks, three after I plucked them out?"

"Stop." I couldn’t even stop to wonder where the other vampires had come from. I just stared at her, hoping against all hope that the phone was still on, that they could hear, that they were coming, that Alice had seen. That they would be ready for five vampires instead of one.

"And the first step had already been done for us, too. Bait has dropped itself into our very laps." Rigidly, I sat as she circled about me.

"Now it's time to set the trap."

My blood went cold. Murmurs echoed through the room, agreeing with her. So that's why they hadn't killed me yet, when they could have done so easily before.

I felt her touch like spiders in my hair. She paused in front of me and reached down, gripping both of the chair handles to peer straight into my face.

"So, Bella, do you have any ideas you'd like to volunteer?"

I kept my mouth shut, unmoving.

"You know perfectly what we could do." All eyes turned to a man in the corner. Despite an attractive countenance, he had hungry eyes and flexing, hungrier hands. "We could take her and leave her body for them to find."

Jamie's smile was cold. "Take her?"

I shuddered.

He didn't get the hint. "You know, we -- "

"The next time you say something like that again," Jamie snarled, "I'll nail your fucking body to the sea floor and let the fish take you. Are we clear?"

The man's mouth was open and he closed it. Jamie turned sharply away from him, hissing.

"You know, Bella," she said, ignoring the previous conversation. "I have an idea."

I stared at her, waiting.

"It always struck me strange how your lover is so willing to let you age away and die right before her eyes when the solution was right there. Your poor, cowardly beloved Edythe."

"Would you like to become a vampire, Bella?"

Something clattered outside. Jamie whipped her head around. Instantly all the vampires crouched, stances ready to kill.

"They're here," cried Jamie, her eyes glinting with delighted ferocity. She grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked it like a leash. I gasped in pain.

"You'll be staying with me. Edythe is mine to kill."

The vampires blurred as they moved. One reached for the handle and twisted it, breaking the lock with ease. They opened it.

In stepped a vampire I hadn’t seen before. She must’ve been keeping watch outside. Dark liquid was seeping through a raw wound on her neck, like something had tore a chunk out of it. She gasped, his eyes wide with terror.

"Wolves," she screamed. "Wol--!"

Something large and furry closed its maw about his head with a sickening crunch and wrenched him from the door. Windows shattered as bodies collided with it.

I closed my eyes.

"No." I heard Jamie. "It can't be!"

I reached under my shirt. My hands found the pocket knife nestled in my sports bra. Quickly snapping out the blade, I slashed Jamie's hand. She yelped and let go. Snarling, she made a grab for me. I dodged and fell to the floor.

Something leaped between us, and I heard her crash into the wall.

"Bella?!" A tinny voice yelled from inside my jacket. I slowly crawled to the corner of the room, ignoring the chaos happening around me, and hoisted myself against the wall, struggling to get the phone out of the secret pocket.

"Bella!"

"I'm fine, I'm okay," I said quickly, but my voice still shook. “Is everyone okay?"

I heard a sigh of relief on the other side.

"Yep, never better," Quil replied. Quil. I was surprised I recognized her voice in all the chaos.

I took a sharp breath and wrapped my arms around myself, relief tenth-fold.

“By the way, did you know that one of the blood-suckers’ got electricity powers? They shut down your Mom's whole city; that's why we couldn't contact her using email or phone. Giant disaster."

"Really?"

I was beginning to notice a crackling sound. Puzzled, I held the phone out before me. It was throwing sparks. I hurriedly dropped it on the ground. Nearby, the light bulb shattered, throwing the room into darkness. A bright flash hissed through the air. I lifted my eyes. One of the vampires had lightning zapping from her fingertips, throwing sparks wildly at anything that moved.

Time to leave.

I knew I couldn't do anything. I had known this; that was why I chose to be bait. There was only one way to make sure of Mom's safety while the rest of them arrived, and that was it.

But now my role was over. I had to trust the others, to trust Julie and Edythe to fight well and remain safe. I resigned to slowly crawl out of the room. Keeping myself low and in the dark, I let my hands feel the wall as a guide. And as I made my painful progress, I watched.

The room was a mess. The windows were shattered, and what had been the doorway was now a splintered hole. One vampire was already torn to pieces, her arms and torso scattered on the floor. I couldn't see Carine or Jasper with the speed at which they moved, but Eleanor was wrestling with a brawny man, their long, large fangs bared at each other. Eleanor had scratches and cuts on her arms. Her opponent had more.

A werewolf, who I recognized as Julie, was limping. She whined, backing into the wall. I gasped as two vampires closed in on her.

"No," I moaned.

They leaped, fangs bared. Her head snapped up. She swerved, avoiding them, and closed her jaw onto one's arm. She shook him like Hulk shook a toy, and threw him into the air. The other roared, and slammed against her side. They tumbled, and I tore my gaze from them, searching for others.

I spied the hungry man from before facing off against Rosalie. Her expression, usually indifferent, was now contorted with rage. She must have listened in on the conversation through the phone. I watched, almost in fascination, as she easily dodged his flexing fingers and rammed her foot into his stomach. It came out his back, caked with black viscera. Her hands gripped his head and twisted. Once. Twice. Three times, then wrenched it off, spurting black blood everywhere. I reminded myself to thank her later.

My eyes roved over again and I spotted them. I let out a gasp.

Jamie was dodging about the center of the room, her once-calm face now twisted with rage. Opposite her was my Edythe, teeth bared, and a large, red-furred wolf. Julie! My heart rose to my throat at the sight of them. I never thought I'd see her again. Either of them.

They were fighting viciously against Jamie, who was barely holding out her own. Already her right arm hung limp at her side. I could see a large, black bruise where her collarbone was; Edythe must have snapped it. Her side and shirt was mottled with dark liquid. She had precision and speed, one of an experienced hunter. From her words before, this hadn't been the first time she'd hunted vampires. Against any other opponent, she would have won.

Not with my Edythe and Julie. Julie, who I was startled to see, fought like she was reading Edythe’s mind. Or Edythe hers. But no, it was too fluid. Julie, Julie. It’s like I’d never seen her before. She looked so fierce, so beautiful.

Edythe moved with the agility of any immortal seventeen years old girl; youthful, graceful, merciless. Her lunges were wild and unpredictable. Julie moved like one used to fighting to protect. Her motions were clean-cut and calculated, a pack leader's mentality. The both of them moved like partners in a dance, filling in where the other left open. They clicked like lock and key, thrust and parry, sword and shield. Jamie was a goner.

They almost had her, and she knew it. A break to the leg or a bite to the neck and she would be gone. Her head snapped about, taking in the scene around her, searching for help. Her allies were falling one by one, and those that didn't had ran. Outside, I heard two distinct, victorious howls. It was a matter of time. She was going to lose.

I had reached the door and was just about to ease myself out when her eyes found me.

Edythe must have read her mind, because she cried out, "NO!"

In one movement, Jamie lunged. As if in slow motion, I saw her coming towards me, mouth open wide, white fangs glinting in the moonlight. I shoved myself out the doorway but it was too late. My arms flew up to shield myself, and her teeth found my wrist.

Two sharp points pierced my flesh. A second later her entire jaw closed about my wrist like a metal trap snapping shut. I could hear the crunch of bone.

"NO!"

Daggers of pain erupted at my wrist like wildfire.

I screamed.

A/N: I had to change so much here, dear god. There was no way I was having Bella run off on her own without telling anyone, so I had to rewrite that whole scene after the letter. Then I took Bly’s lovely rough draft rewrite of this chapter and tweaked it so it made a little more sense with the way the story was now. Basically, there were a lot of changes that I’m sure I’ve forgotten about and let slip through the cracks, but since I’m the only one of the old group left, and have the memory of a broken colander, I don’t think y’all will hold it against me (also I decided to stick with the old technology, cause I like that). I might go back and add some scenes with Julie. I really enjoy the ot3 but I don’t want it to seem like it came out of left field.