#on to college

[andisupreme]

At the company retreat, one extremely drunk girl asked what my pronouns were. (Eventually, it took her a while to word the question.) After the whole conversation was done, she goes- "YEAHHH GURL, Get on with--with THY bad self! See what I did?? They/them/thy."

I was almost holding back tears from trying not to laugh as I told her yes that's great you nailed it honey. Thank you very much I am feeling the love.

Anyway I've been assigned Thee/Thine at Supportive Drunk Girl

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[no-context-discord-quotes]

this is a typo in a textbook written by the professor of this class, it cost me $105, i will be sharing with the world

[kiiingsnake]

(college stuff) everyone give it up for the humble arapaima

[heyitsnaardi]

it's too early to be provoking this way ffs

part 2??

[xiaq]

Fun story. When I was actively being stalked (both online and IRL), I contacted the police exactly one time. I showed them the physical notes that had been left under the wiper blade on my car after I blocked the man on social media. I showed them the previous Facebook messages this man had sent me that described, in detail, what he wanted to do to me.

The police said they couldn’t help me because the man had not actually physically done any of those things to me. He’d just talked about his desires. They even made excuses for him. He’s awkward. He’s lonely. You’re pretty. It’s a compliment.

So friendly reminder that when a man with a record and weapons makes verbal/written threats against a woman, there’s nothing police can do.

But when a frustrated woman being denied medical coverage with no record and no weapons makes a “verbal threat” against a corporation, she’s arrested immediately.

[aropride]

here you go professor. several pages of home brewed bullshit. as opposed to the chatgpt-brewed bullshit you're used to these days. i hope u enjoy it i worked very hard on it ❤️

[noodles-and-tea]

POV you’re watching Jayce and Viktor give their science presentation but one of them clearly pulled an all nighter

[rhinco]

tragedy that i haven't seen anyone post this clip from the latest make some noise

[melittosphex]

Mouthwashing Good end! Jimmy they could never make me like you

[monstrousliarstold]

[joytri]

[great-and-small]

Turdus aficionados of Costa Rica please know I love your national bird but this is objectively hilarious

[catchymemes]

[sexygaywizard]

new yuri image for desperate lesbians just dropped