#on their watch list... Yeah. thats just a bit of his lore for you. also grian has a burn mark on his abdomen/tummy

[supermaks]

Top 10 essential Verstappen races list please!

I habe been watching since I was a literal infant but I kinda took a break from 2014 until 2018 so I missed a lot of teenage Max lore. Now I treated myself to some f1tv for Christmas and want to rewatch a couple old races!!!

Malaysia 2015 Baby boys first points on his 2nd ever f1 start. Drags that lil toro rosso to q3 and then beats both red bulls. Also very funny to listen to the sky commentary because they dont take him seriously at all but he keeps doing things with that car he shouldnt be able to do so they have to keep talking about him and they're so annoyed about itnklfdjgkfdj

Singapore, 2015 classic max race. car d1es at the start. somehow makes it back on track 1 lap down, waits for his main character moment. gets it on lap 13. breezes past the field. gets told to swap positions. literally yells 'NO' and does not do it. U thought brazil 2022 was shocking, well. Educate yourself

USA, 2015 first of all there was a whole hurricane happening bro like a literal hurricane everything about thsi race is like .. what is going on. Hello. Is that Elton John???? Mind you, its Max's rookie season. Austin with wet conditions is the race track equivalent of a fucking minefield I think like half the grid retired. And still, u will witness that lil boy bring the fight to Merc and Ferrari. He actually fought Lewis and Seb Vettel for a podium. In a toro rosso. yeah

Spain, 2016 anime protagonist race. lil babby makes the jump to the big sister team amid much mockery and controversy, and wins on his debut. I can't say this enough. Max has made a career out of owning up to bitches. Every single time. Mercs take each other out, Danny ric gets inexplicably put on a 3 stopper ((lmfao)), and Max holds off fucking RAIKKONEN on DRS!!!! for like a billion years. Not a wheel out of place. And not even his defining moment of the year. For that, u gotta go with--

Brazil, 2016 He became MOTHER age 19 in Interlagos. Nothing else to say. if ur a verstappie u gotta watch Brazil 2016 like twice a year for ur troubles

China, 2017 just a super underrated race imo. Imma go on a tangent for a bit sorry but one of most insane aspects of Max's move to f1 is that he did so with 1 year of experience in f3. Like f3 had been the strongest engine he'd driven up to that point. f3 cars are fast but they're not f1 fast. So Max was supposed to be like a lil squid in a bowl of sharks. To anybody else it wouldve been extremely intimidating and scary to make that jump and its likely they would've sacrificed speed just because they didn't have that confidence in the car yet. And there'd be nothing wrong with that, thats just normal. Well Max never did normal. Seb put it perfectly and Im pretty sure he's not the first driver to comment on this, but Max goes for moves that nobody in their right mind would even dream of attempting. Shit that takes a special type of instinct, but more than that, a complete lack of fear. And with that comes the other side of the sword, which is the recklessness. Max was a reckless driver. A lot of drivers can be reckless, especially if the car doesn't allow them to just cruise to podiums, but Max was a child. This race is so important in his curriculum because it solidifies that his recklessness is not foolishness, but necessity. Bro passed 9 cars in one lap and held off danny ric with older tires. This after a disaster quali where he finished second to last because of an engine problem. To come back from that and get a podium the way he did, its a character drive. It showed who he was and Max was the future

Mexico, 2017 here. Yeah

Austria, 2018 quali is a must watch for this one. Listening to Max educate his engineers on 'discipline' for even DARING to ask him to pass danny ric prolly makes that move to Renault less confusing. Like u cant fight that. That is not a mf who will ever let u win a world title. But he didnt show it just during quali. This race is important because u can compare it some of his most dominant 2022 victories, in a car that would literally spit out its own tires and explode if Max idk farted or something.

USA, 2018 ok I'm biased but max has never come to the US and not served. Idk why its kind of funny but every time he steps foot in here he stunts and gets super wet and looks amazing. He's also absurdly good in US circuits for no reason. Like Max says, u gotta know how to defend not just attack. Prolly one of the most impressive defensive performances from him here, against none other than sir hammer herself. Lew had fresher tires and a championship winning merc and still couldnt crack lil bro with his renault engine, cap and a dream. Also they literally installed a whole new curb on the track specifically to make drivers stick to track limits and called it the verstopper and that. literal tears in my eyes yk look at this shit

Look at her . anyway

Enjoy thjs humble selection of our fav boy genius/fbi most wanted best hits. Next up

✨😤 Part 2 😤✨ Part 3 🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨

[crappyyuki]

Bryan with lava eyes :DDD

It’s been a while since I fully colored smth :,)

Here’s the Sketch and the one with a background!

I attempted to make lava. I’m not sure if it went well lmao.

I also don’t know how to draw or render muscles but BUFF BRYAN SUPREMACY!

HE IS SLIGHTLY TONED BUT HE CAN FLATTEN A STONE FUCKING COUNTER THATS CANON FIGHT ME

Honestly, I’m not sure if I can write this AU. With confidence I mean. I already got like a 15k word outline going on and it’s still going and it’s been like that for the past 3 years. Yeah. Pretty crazy. But if I can’t write this then I might resort into posting a bulleted list on what I should’ve written in the betterment of those 3 years instead of making a long ass outline to get it out into the world.

I love this AU, you have no idea, but it is so hard to write. So bear with me. I’ll give a bit of insight into it.

• This is a canon divergence of the canon timeline where instead of Bryan taking the hit, it’s Molten taking the hit. (My guy is not having a great time. Both of them.)

• This AU is canon defiant to the actual lore in Bryan’s series. A lot actually. This is a bit more canon compliant to the Fnaf storyline. Focusing more on spirits and souls than portals and portal magic. Soul juice produced from murdered children. All that good stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I love the series but I wish it focused on the souls of the kids and their stories if only a little.

• Let’s say there are a lot of hidden secrets in the old pizzeria that Bryan would carry to his grave. Most of them is guilt. The other is shame borderlining to self loathing.

• “No one would ever believe you.” :)

• This AU’s pov is also on the animatronics side. Mostly Freddy, Helpy (the old one), and maybe probably Foxy (the Rockstar one) I miss them, okay?

• Pat is around too. Watching over the animatronics while getting deathly afraid of them for a definite period of time before making friends with them because wow, those robots aren’t actually gonna force them into a Freddy Fazbear suit. Why did they listen to a pre-recorded message anyway?

• Jon is the one that stumbles onto the secret. But its not complete. He wonders where he should find the other pieces.

• You know OG Freddy? How he was repaired? Yeah. That part wasn’t the only thing that brought him back to life.

• And the monitor Lefty stole from the pizzeria? Maybe Egg Baby? Wonder whats that for?

• The book that Bryan gave to Twisted Bonnie also changed. Still has the blueprints of the animatronics but of different animatronics.

• “Hmmmm, I wonder what I can do for Baby’s birthday? How can I make it her happiest day of her shortlived li—wait, can I even say that?????”

• Also, does anyone know what happened to Twisted Freddy? Did he just become the wind or what? We’ll see.

• Since Lefty didn’t die, let’s say Shadow Freddy had other places to be. And Twisted Wolf? Honestly forgot about that guy hahaha I’ll think of something.

• Oh! EB (Evil Bryan) is there too! Like actually.

• It’s quite funny to have two short humans going on offense while literal monsters go on support and defense lmao. What a bunch of losers.

• “See you on the flipside!”

• Hey. What’s up with Bryan’s eyes?

That’s all for now. Maybe I’ll post another one or work on a chapter? Who knows…

I can’t promise anything. I can only promise that the next will take a whileeeeeeee, a post or a chapter.

I still have not named this AU and marked it as INSERT TITLE HERE.

And to those that recognize that title, I am so sorry. I literally redid the first 5 chapters, finished 4, then dropped it off at chapter 7-8. Chapter 1-4 are finished but 5-8 is a land mine. I don’t know how to keep it going lmao. No really, it’s a struggle writing this dang thing and I want it out of my head too. I can’t promise any chapters or that I’m working on it because I’m so busy but I did not forget it if thats what you’re thinking. It’s just hard to write. Like really hard. That’s why I focused a bit on oneshots.

One things for sure though. It’s either chapter 5, 6, or 7 BUT—

Minigames. Plus Springtrap.

ITH!Bryan: Oh joy.

Feel free to ask questions about this AU! I’d be happy to answer! (Most of them anyway. Can’t reveal everything.)

[tears0fsatan]

Hi! May I request a trans masc MC who is very proud about who they are and aren't like. Idk hiding the fact that they are trans? As someone who is very proud of who I am I want to see the demon bros with an MC who's like, "oh yeah I'm trans, got a problem with that then you can get punched in the throat🧍."

Tysm!

𖥻 characters... demon brothers, diavolo x trans m!reader

𖥻 genre... drabbles + a tiny bit of angst if u squint + mainly crack lolol

𖥻 warnings... mentions of transphobia [some demon doesn't respect ur pronouns :gasp:], swearing, a lil bit of fighting but nothing physical, short!mc bc i hc that demons are bigger than humans hehe, mc is a menace but they love u anyways

𖥻 a.n... HELP MEE I LOVE THIS 😭😭 IM ALSO LIKE THIS IM SO GLAD YOU REQUESTED THIS ANON I LOVE YOU also side note i had so many ideas for this that wouldn't really fit into one large chunk of writing so i went with drabbles i hope thats alright with u anon !!! idk if u can tell but i'm not caught up with the lore lolol i haven't gotten past lesson 25 heh

from the moment you had arrived in devildom, you had been the epitome of chaos.

diavolo had called you by your deadname, which you rightfully objected to. the second you interrupted diavolo, lucifer was on his feet ready to murder you. it wasn't until you had explained the situation that lucifer calmed down and diavolo profusely apologised, stating that he hadn't known and was more than willing to respect your name and pronouns.

to say you were shocked would be an understatement, especially after finding out just who diavolo was. though you hadn't quite grasped what your new reality was, you did realise that these "demons" were no joke. but even though they were demons, they had taken your gender identity and pronouns more seriously than a lot of humans you've told.

from the get go, lucifer knew you would be a handful. great, he thought, another nuisance to add to his list of problems. however, he hadn't expected you to be this boisterous.

and while he grew to love how you didn't take shit from anyone, it didn't mean you weren't the cause of his migraines ninety percent of the time.

"you're punishing me because i'm trans, aren't you?" you joked, which only made the first born roll his eyes, pulling laughs out of the brothers who watched.

"for the last time, i'm lecturing you because you skipped classes to play hooky with that fool next to you, and when you were asked why you did it, your response was and i quote 'be gay, do crimes'." the seriousness on lucifer's face as he said that had you doing everything in your power to hold back your laugh, only for you to slip up and let out a squeak of laughter.

the other six lounged on the couch behind you, finding the situation just as hilarious as you if their cackles were anything to go by.

"suck my ten inch dick you fucking loser!" you yelled out behind you to mammon as you ran around the HOL sitting room, jumping over belphie who was casually sleeping on the floor, causing the lounging brothers to look up from what they were doing.

"hey." lucifer warned, eyes trained on the documents he was reading, occasionally throwing a glance at the commotion.

"fuck you! you don't even have a dick! gimme goldie back ya tree stump!" mammon cried out, chasing you as you went to hide behind the couch where satan and asmodeus sat, watching the show with amusement in their eyes.

"language!" lucifer chided while massaging the bridge of his nose, knowing full well no one was even listening.

"that's not what you were saying last night!" you replied, yelping when the second born nearly got a hold of your shirt.

"that don't even make sense! lucifer, help me out here will ya?!"

"you started this, you deal with the consequences." lucifer sighed out, but the smile on his face betrayed his faux exasperation.

you screamed when mammon tried barrelling towards you, only for beelzebub to pick up his defiant older brother and walk away with him in his arms.

"stop yelling, can't focus on eating when you're chasing mc." beel said with an ice lolly hanging from his lips.

you had known you were bound to run into some demons that opposed your gender identity, and that's why you were in this situation right now.

you were in a lust demon's face, more than ready to throw hands if the situation called for it.

they had mocked you by using the wrong set of pronouns on you and when you tried to correct them, they simply rolled their eyes and laughed.

if you were in a cartoon, you were sure to have the cross popping veins above your head right now.

"you either use my preferred pronouns or i'll hit you in the jaw with a fucking brick." you spat at them, beyond ready to make your threat a reality.

"mc!" you heard satan call from across the hallway, making your head snap towards him.

the fourth born quickly made his way towards you and started dragging you away, all the while telling you off about how you just couldn't pick fights in the middle of a RAD hallway right before fifth period.

you had blocked him out for the most part, choosing to shoot daggers at the demon from earlier, moving to mouth a clear 'i will feed you to cerberus' you knew would make belphie proud.

"mc, pleaseeeee." levi whined, following you as you manoeuvred around the kitchen.

"fine! but let me think about it!" you gave up, throwing your hands in the air before turning to the demon behind you.

levi cheered and pumped his fist in the air before you interrupted his celebration, "if it's another short chatacter, my answer is no."

leviathan cried out, letting out something akin to a groan, a whine and a cry at the same time.

"IT IS?" you shouted. truthfully, you had just been joking, taking a playful guess as to what he wanted to dress you up in, but you never thought you would nail the hammer on the head.

"mc, last one i swear! after this one i'll give you the tall characters!" he continued to whine, going as far as to follow you into your room.

"you said that last time!" came your rebuttal.

".... but you'd look so cute as the short one.." without a warning, leviathan shoved his DDD in your face with a picture of the characters he wanted you and him to cosplay.

... and you had to admit, you would look good as the short one.

you huffed, "you win, but this is the last time, levi! i mean it! no more cute characters for me! i wanna cosplay badass characters!"

the avatar of envy let out an excited squeak and nodded so fast you worried he would get whiplash. he practically ran out of your room, probably off to order your costume on akuzon and you sighed, knowing that this time would in fact not be the last time.

"you don't think i'm strong enough to do it?" you asked tauntingly, and beel shrugged.

"i didn't think humans could be strong." the avatar of gluttony admitted and continued on walking, moving past you and setting the box down.

"well i am but... i.. i just don't want to!" you huffed and looked away.

the demon paused from picking up the next box and looked at you for a while, giving you a look that you recognised to be one of amusement.

"... you don't believe me, do you?" you stepped forward, making a go for the box beel was reaching for. said demon watched you, staring at your arms in a 'are you sure about this' manner.

"s-see! i'm doing just fuh-fine!" you somehow managed to wheeze out, the enchanted package being far heavier than you anticipated. maybe the tall demon was right, maybe humans weren't strong enough to carry cursed boxes but you weren't about to tell him that.

"you're going to blow out your back." beelzebub wasted no time in taking the box from your arms before you could hurt yourself, gently placing it amongst the other bewitched boxes all while making it seem as though it were weightless.

"i swear! i'm stronger than every other man!" you shouted as he picked you up and carried you under his arm.

the demon didn't reply, simply walking out of the door with you squirming in his grasp, promising that there was no man out there stronger than you.

© 2022 TEARS0FSATAN. please don’t repost, modify or translate my works anywhere!

[flooficandii]

what do u think ab an au where the vp takes in kids with radiant abilities to train them as the "future" of valorant

this idea's kinda scuffed af bc idk much ab the lore actually i'm still confused ab kingdom n earth but i just want an excuse to see the agents babysitting chaotic kids with powers LMAOAoadjdj

IM NOT GONNA LIE THAT WOULD SOUND SUPER CUTE LMAO RADIANT BABY DAYCARE,,,, also this is a perfect excuse to put my headcanons about which of the agents are the best with kids

parents. like, literal parents dude

brimstone. he is the first immediate thing that comes to mind when i think of parenting. i mean look at the way he talks to the rest of the agents, you can't tell me he won't do well with kids

CYPHER!!! bro cypher would LOVE kids,,,,i hc he was really excited to be a dad but nora kinda died with his unborn baby so,, yknow he has that yearning feeling and he kinda projects that nature onto the younguns. he may be super secretive and shifty but you can tell he cares for them and would love to have children running around the base

sage!! sage radiates this energy of warmth and comfort and security, you'll always feel safe with her so she'd be wonderful with children :]] she won't hesitate to be strict if needed though so just make sure to stay on her good side unless,,, "YOUR HOMEWORK IS NOT OVER!!!"

reyna. surprisingly. although she isn't as much a parent as the rest of them, she wILL break someone's arm for a kid. she may be very murderous but kids might be her soft spot (glances vaguely at her little sister)

tbh i see her as the kind of caretaker that'll let her kid do awful things lmao

"miss reyna can i say a curse word ple a se ,,,"

"of course, cariño."

"FUCK!!!!"

okay at it/awkward but trying

omen. omen isn't sure how to interact with children,,,, like, i headcanon he scares them away a lot

if one of them happens to be NOT scared?? *immediately imprints*

i think the most he'd do while watching over children is just sit there with his knitting needles and grunt Menacingly whenever they start causing trouble

viper. viper also scares kids away, understandably so, but she does have this maternal nature despite her scary aura (exhibit a: duality)

i headcanon she actually dislikes children and tries to avoid them as much as possible but will be incREDIBLY protective if they're threatened

yoru. he finds kids annoying. but if he were put in a situation where he HAD to keep an eye on them he'd probably try

just a little bit

as a treat

he'll call them brats or something lmAO what a bitch

unless one of them calls him cool and feeds his ego

then yeah he'll love them lol

imagine yoru going into his rift and picking the kid up to make it look like they're flying

a parent? maybe not, it's really not something on his list of ideals. but a big brother figure? sure! it means he gets to bully tease children to his heart’s content

sova. sova is okay at babysitting. he’s very quiet though so the kids usually get bored with him

he’s quick to straighten them up if they’re misbehaving

maybe he’ll tell fairy tales about the mountains or something

*deep thick russian voice* “When I was still living with my babushka in the frigid mountains of the North,”

babysitters at most

jett. jett seems like the cool babysitter who lets you do anything and everything lmao,, stay up past your bedtime?? sure thing. snacks before dinner?? hell yeah. you want her to show you her cool spinny wind trick?? of course!!

raze! raze gives off the vibes of the girl next door who everyone in the neighborhood knows and loves. she probably hung out with the kids in her town a lot and would draw with them, make music with them, etc. very big sister vibes 10/10 just don't let her have explosives around them

ASTRA!!! astra astra astra i bet she’d be the type to give piggy back rides and make little stardust confetti to wow them with!! she’ll sing songs and read stories and maybe do little puppet shows for them  

skye would do great with kids! she’s strong enough to catch up to them during vigorous games of tag and she’d let them pet her tiger

her animals love the kids too

imagine taz lying on his back as they pet his belly and hawko perching on top of their heads

haha! *slowly pulls them away from the children*

breach. i dont know about you guys but if you left him with a kid he would lose them in like 1.5 minutes

“what? they’re tiny, you think i’d notice?”

bro he is such a fucking bully he’d punt a kid across a football field

i guess he’d let them sit on his giant bionic shoulders but thats it

phoenix.

says he has it under control

does NOT have it under control

“alright, fam! leave it to me, i can handle some younguns-”

*burns down the entire hq after trying to show them a trick*

killjoy. bro she would use them for her experiments without batting an eye

“KILLJOY WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE KIDS”

“testing the sensor range of my turret!! :DD relax, it won’t hurt them- they’re wearing helmets!”

“KILLJOY THEY’RE WRAPPED IN BUBBLE WRAP I DON’T THINK THAT’S HUMANE”

kay/o.

i dunno man i don’t think he’d even know what to do with kids

also he might accidentally break their spine if they wanted a hug lmao

he won’t hurt them on purpose but this is just,,,a safety measure

k would do great with kids though :]] big friendly guy

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

[soup-du-silence]

Thoughts on the whole FOWL arc, particularly Bradford’s arc and his beef with Scrooge? I felt it wasn’t handled great at all, and I think I sympathized a bit more with Bradford than the writers had intended? I dunno, I just wanted Scrooge to be a bit in the wrong for ONCE and suffer real consequences. Never really bought or understood the show’s idea of family or adventure either, especially the VERY extended family they tried to make in Season 3.

i feel like pcs would have a good answer to this actually but Im personally really fuzzy on the whole bradford thing because ive only seen most of season 3 once and didnt enjoy a lot of it so Im....hm. bradford hates....the nebulous idea of adventure because its inconvenient and expensive? and also personally traumatic? am i understanding that correctly?

and for a while i remember thinking....is bradford going to be a vehicle for exploring why scrooge’s reckless, selfish behavior is terrible for everyone else in the world, why hoarding wealth is wrong, why looting other civilizations is wrong, is there going to be a big heel turn, and we’ll have to reconcile with how watching the show from his point of view has blinded us to the harm he’s causing, and why people like musk and bezos are actual real life villains, and is bradford actually going to be a guy you root for, like poison ivy, wouldnt that be SICK??? wouldnt that be smart and brave and interesting???

and then it not only did none of that, but it leaned extra hard into the nepotism angle, without a hint of irony, and im still totally baffled by it

the bradford thing ended up just being...petty and stupid. like if someone was tasked with writing poison ivy and was like “okay but we cant let her be too relatable, she’s right you know, and people know it, so instead of being an eco terrorist trying to reclaim mother earth from capitalist pigs at any cost, she’s just really mad cus someone overwatered her succulents when she went on vacation as a kid.” You HAD something, it was right there, and you had to dial it back because mickey’s signing your paychecks.

i so, so badly wanted scrooge to be WRONG. he IS wrong. He’s ALWAYS been wrong and thats very often the POINT of his character and I really expected that that would be something we could talk about at least a little in 2017-2021 but apparently not. like i HAVE to believe the crew knows, i follow a lot of them on twitter and I see how they talk about current events so I HAD hoped.

idk.

the family thing really got on my nerves after a while because it became a buzzword for, like, “we havent done a good job of selling you this idea but if we say it often enough then you have to accept it as true.” Especially in regards to webby. i think i brought it up sometime around when moonlander aired, because she kept dropping “family” in a way that didnt feel convincing to me and was really obvious every time it happened. and i had a whole long list of things that made it feel forced, starting with “scrooge literally fucking yells that she’s not family and this doesnt concern her and NEVER apologizes” and includes “wow webby says ‘my family’ about the ducks WAY MORE than anyone else says it about her” and “spending a whole season focused on della reconnecting with her biological family SPECIFICALLY, which webby is understandably and justifiably not a part of, leaving her out by necessity” and “lots of episodes about clan mcduck specifically and the power and importance of that bloodline, which is kind of icky actually, but we’ll just paint it as grand and noble and never mention non-mcducks like Quackmore or Elvira because Scrooge is literally the only one who matters.” 

and its hard to really sell Webby as part of the unit when you’re so obsessed with the bloodlines and heritage of One Man so I guess in that regard it makes sense why they did what they did. if you’re not gonna devote the time to explaining why she is good and why she matters INDEPENDANTLY of how much scrooge lore she has memorized then i guess yeah just slap some of his genes in her and make it fact because while I wanted to believe that she was part of the family, i dont feel like they ever did the hard work of convincing me she was. they just kept saying FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY until i went “god yeah shut up i get it”

like he NEVER FUCKING APOLOGIZED, guys. and she just forgives him before they ever see each other again. How fucking hard would it have been to have them sit down like “i didnt mean it, i was wrong, and if i didnt see you as my family then thats my own fault because you’ve been here under my roof your whole life and i had my head too far up my own cloaca to see what i was missing. that changes now, you’re one of us”

but that would mean admitting he was wrong. and scrooge is never wrong.

[carcinized]

hi!! i know you said you dont watch ranboo that much but im just starting out and i wanna find out where/how to watch?? or at least how you watch?? and not just ranboo, any of the dsmp or minecraft community in general! im very new to this so sorry if it sounds like im dumb ^^

oh my goodness of course!!! i am always happy to help o7

the website most of us use to watch mcyt is called twitch. it's a website designed for livestreaming, which is how most of our content is made! you can make an account for free, and all streams are free but have some ads. however you can pay subscriptions (or be gifted a sub) to not have ads, but only if you want to! ranboo's channel is RanbooLive if you want to watch his stuff!

edit: i go on to tell you a LOT of background info in case you need it and it got long so theres a cut now!! :D

some other channels/people i highly recommend (and what servers theyre on if you want to get into those! and if you need what that means explained feel free to ask because i am MORE THAN HAPPY to explain them and why theyre cool to you :])

tubbo (dream smp, bear smp, origins smp, big dig smp)

sneegsnag (origins smp, big dig smp)

ponk (dream smp)

jack manifold (dream smp, origins smp)

aimsey (bear smp, big dig smp)

niki (dream smp, origins smp, bear smp)

wilbur soot (dream smp, origins smp)

hannahxxrose (dream smp)

captain puffy (dream smp)

quackity (dream smp)

connoreatspants (dream smp)

and lots more!!! i tried to include my personal favourites + some less well known ones who i think deserve more attention so. a bit of a biased list but once you figure out how twitch works you should be able to find the others pretty easily!

then of course there's some videos on youtube, but most of them arent for if you want to get into the story aspects of the mcyt community. there's a great youtube series called hermitcraft if you like more chill (well, more chill than the dream smp) minecraft shenanigans with actually good builders and people who know how to play the game. you can start on any season, each season is just a new server. i recommend falsesymmetry's pov because shes my favourite but theyre all lovely. there's not roleplay on this server (that i know of?? i havent seen all of it) so it's more chill.

if you want to watch the dream smp, i highly highly highly recommend this carrd that puts the series into a cohesive order you can watch + some extra content!! the dream smp is high energy and engaging with livestreamed lore that's made up almost entirely of improv with basic, basic, VERY basic plot points to hit. it's. honestly it's fascinating because of the way it's told but that's a story for ANOTHER TIME!! this WILL make you laugh your ass off and it WILL make you cry (if you watch certain bits). however because of the sheer AMOUNT of content for the dream smp you'll never be able to watch it all. so many povs and they're LIVESTREAMED,,, there are some things you'll have to learn just by hearing about others who watched them talk about, and that's the nature of the fandom. which is ok :] but. yeah the dream smp is really fucking good jaskdjf

the last big smp i personally can tell you about is the bear smp which is literally COOL AS FUCK and it's probably the one i would recommend to an outsider--it's newer, and there's a REALLY good cohesive video that brings you up to speed on nearly everything that's happened, which you can find here :D also it has beep who is my favourite character in anything ever possibly he rivals kronk... i could talk about beep for hours but i wont JDSFJ anyways the bear smp is all about found family and a dude named bear learning how to like,,, be friends with people and not controlling and also not a complete recluse and its rlly sweet :] also the worldbuilding my GOD every smp (and real life??) is canon to the story ITS SO COOL HOLY SHITTTT anyways. i will not nerd out about the bear smp here but i REALLY recommend it.

the origins smp was (is?) a server where everyone had cool powers and goofed off!! no cohesive story.

the big dig smp is a VERY new server where its just modded minecraft!! no story here except for the Great Chokobo Incident (damn you sneegsnag)

then also!! i have not seen the empires smp or 3rd life smp but they look INSANELY cool so if you want to get into those i am not the person to ask but they seem rlly cool so worth looking into if you ever want to!!!

anyways. thats the basics i suppose!!! :D if you have any questions PLEASE ASK i literally would love nothing more than to help you out SDFJDS

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

[tobebugjewce]

THE WALTEN FILES: my jumbled notes on my blind run-in with this web series

first off this is gonna be long and unorganized, also this is my second time writing this as i had lost literally half of my progress and im This (imagine two fingers almost touching with a 0.0000000001mm distance between them) close to ripping all of the fucking hair out of my goddamn head. but now this will be extra long and yes, i will lose some accuracy to my first writing but thats okay ill probably edit this a kajillion times over

which brings me to my next tangent; im literally braindumping here. so to have a smidge of organization all afterthoughts, edits and corrections will be boldened, i forgot what im gonna do with italicized text but ill probably bolden it here yeah im pretty sure its for side tangents, separate from Corrections, which are in bold. also theyre for emphasis too.

so in general, this post right here is all of my notes i wrote down on my grid-patterned sticky notes (which i used WAYYYY too much of) about the first 3 uploaded walten files youtube videos transferred onto my handy dandy digital notebook, this b(l)og. yeppers peppers. you know im serious about this shit when i typed probably over like a thousand fucking words including boldened shit, italicized shit and motherfucking links, lost it ALL, and im sitting here re-typing it again.

i feel bad about this but im not gonna trigger warn right here, but this is technically a warning. if you want a list of triggers as to what this post (and the walten files in general) i will link a little list to that here

without further a doo doo, (mama mia) here the fucking fuck we go again.

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #1

clarifying this now, im gonna put some useless shit which i thought was code onto this because even though it was useless it was part of my notes and im physically going to combust if i dont put down every single thing i wrote on my papers. so what i thought was code was in the closed captions, i started writing it down when i got to the second video but came back to my first videos notes to include them. i wrote down the first letter to every word that was capitalized in the closed captions, which i had on as a default because number one i knew going into this id need them because most web horror things like args and cryptic shit like that has some of the most crucial shits in the closed captions. number two i am autistic and have auditory processing issues and have most closed captioning on as a default if theyre available.

firstly jotted, i wrote down the closed captions “code” so im gonna put the rest here too: HYWITB(BSI)Y A(BSI)BJWFKWITW ILHHFSBBSBTLBWI USOISTBNBSFIRBCAWHSHCBWHTAIGRNB*C*BTWLTSFA(20)MCFP ILITIIACPH(1978, 1979)SA(4)YTSCH*C*OGSSU SFTGRPATDBBUTFBNLLCHMIHLBRALLCLAYTUKB*LC*WHATWASTHATTHING 

the numbers in parenthesis are there because i wasnt sure they should be included in the “code” or not. i also thought of this with the BSI - bunny smiles incorporated and also the years 1978 and 1979. the shits in asterisks are coughs and light coughs, which were capitalized in the closed captions so i included them too just in case

i then jotted, in parenthesis of course, the names of the animatronics when they were listed in the animation section of the video; bon aka the blue bunny, sha aka the sheep one, boozoo aka the clown<3 honk<33, and banny aka the purpled eyelashed up one who is also a bunny btw. also i got boozoo the clown and boozoo the mustache guy confused because apparently the clowns name is billy???? but they named “boozoo” in bons sleepover and showed the clown? idk maybe im an idiot and theyre the same or just an idiot and theyre different or a super mega (matt and ryan?!?!??) idiot in general which is probably the case

i started drawing little stars to write down things i thought would be super important or to 100% look at again. the first subject of this pointy torture was the part of the video where at 3:00, i marked it down to make sure to reverse the audio as it was most definitely a weird audio that has that signature warp-y effect that makes sure you KNOW its in reverse. i then listened back to it Very carefully (still got it wrong) and got this: “you finally start to remember. that old doll. they will look out for you soon” im also pretty sure i heard “sophie” at the end of that audio but im not entirely sure and dont remember and i dont wanna go back to check lmfao but anyways it didnt matter because i was wrong anyway. after i had finished all 3 walten files i watched the film theory video on the walten files (which didnt cover all 3 but was dece.) out of curiosity and to hear matpats signature silly little voice explain some stuff i already knew, and click some shit in my brain that i couldve thought up of if i was a bit more... i dont know honestly. anyways yeah so the actual audio is “you finally start to remember. that old day. they will look out for you soon.” so yeah. day, not doll.

i then wrote down “sarah evelyn”, the name on the bons sleepover animation (i dont remember if she created it or animated it or whatnot) and scribbled will she matter? under her name. turns out no, as i didnt see her name in the rest of the series, let alone the first video. this is also a great time to mention how matpat theory helped me realize that the walten files are collections of videos, uploaded onto youtube by anthony. (i already knew about anthony as he signed his name in the descriptions of the youtube videos, making me categorize this overall web series more into an arg type genre.) but yes, the tapes, recorded “irl” footage, animated clips, vhs tape recordings and other audio-visual content is all collected and labeled the walten files, as i had mistaken each video to be a tape. stupid me. alrighty, onward!

i starred this one, good for me; MISSING: Jack Walten LAST SEEN: 06/11/1974

i jotted down with an arrow that; sophie was a nightguard? she was wearing the uniform explained in tape 2 i dont know why but i went back into my video 1 notes after i had watched video 2. organization purposes. i guess.?? 

i then paused the video when the screen flickered a date, the beginning of video footage dated 10/10/1982 (Brian Stells?) god my little genius ass assuming the videographer was brian stells, based on the id card i saw earlier.

i then wrote down what text i saw on the dead, mangled, bloody body in the purple security suit; “i cant feel anything” “he thought i was her” then drew a little arrow pointing to; thought brian was sophie? or ashley? i also starred the name Brian Stells this is totally out of order LMFAOOOOOOOO also i wrote down ashley because, again, my little pea brain went back on my video 1 notes after watching video 2. but yep thats all i wrote for The Walten Files 1 - Company Introductory Tape

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #2 

Tape #1 - created 07/02/1978

awesome how thats first and foremost in the captions. god. so sexy of you martin walls. /j /nsx

this pack of notes is chunkier because again, like i have mentioned before i am an absolute goober and thought the capitalized letters of the words would actually mean something. I MEAN MAYBE THEY DO AND IM JUST DOING IT WRONG but i stopped doing it after this video because holy shit it was exhausting and my stupid little fingers couldnt take the writing anymore becasue i am WEAK. 

so write off the bat (squeak) i wrote down 197[] the blacked out rectangle over the last digit of that year and everything im also now assuming its probably 1978 or 1974 because lore reasons but whos to say but yeah i also wrote down this;

Tape #2 - created 08/13/1978

then, straight up in the beginning of the video i caught it, the flash of text, as i had by now realized i gotta be SUPER stupid focused on the screen in case i miss anything, i wanted to be crazy precise on my theorizing and mental notes, among other things. but yes i saw it, the first half of a youtube link;  “https://youtu” 

claps hands together and rubs them evilly. oh yeah baby. thats the hot lunch. this shit right here? the cats pajamas. lets fucking go.

i wrote down this goofy shit i pasued to inspect when i saw bon sorting through a file cabinet and naturally scribbled down the labels and other written things i could see on the files; 

relocate X/X/75 felix

storage K-9 07/23/1975 felix k(ranken)

Bons Burgers 06/28/1974 Jack Walten

Shipping Service 1975

New Location -> 1982

i also wrote down more goofy shit, like when banny was created for some reason; in 1974

starred, i noted to go back and reverse the audio at 5:09, when played back, i didnt write it down so i dont remember. lmao.

i also marked to screenshot and brighten the darkened image i saw at 5:20, i was going to do it on my phone then realized i can just do it on my computer so i quickly took a screenshot, brightened it and wrote down what i saw; a missing person poster that read MISSING: SUSAN WOODINGS(?) Last seen: 1974 i was very unsure of the spelling of her last name because the image was so goddamn low quality and grainy but its what i saw. this is where tape #3 gets thrown in, which im gonna type again because i like how the formatting looks;

Tape #3 - created 07/09/1978 (BEFORE tape 2?!//1/1??? its more likely than you think)

i wrote down more dates, any dates i saw, i jotted down. i wrote; 

Technical Support 1978 

then, 

Brian Stells (for some reason i dont remember right now)

alrighty this is where the stupid capitalized letters come in, but before it looks like i vomit a keysmash time infinity on this, ill put down the little inbetween things i wrote in the midst of the caps lockalypse like timestamps and stuff, so here you go;

- Reverse at 8:16 which i did but of course didnt write down what i heard. i think it was too warbled to hear anything clear out of it, or it was just the good ol auditory processing issues fucking me over yet again. WAIT yep yes i did here it is: “rosemary would go to the restaurant every night hoping that [her] beloved husband would reappear after being missing for weeks but no response until one day [s]he heard a voice [saying] ‘i know where he is rosie’ coming from the back stage” the bracketed stuff is the corrections, i misheard the audio and thought the audio said “his”, “he” and “singing” like a nimrod

- Brighten at 10:14 which was another missing person poster, but i dont think it had any information on it because i didnt write it down, just;

- Sophie again (pic at 9:08?) (dismemberd and put in Sha) i was stupid and wrong haha idiot it was rosemary who was put in sha but anywho

i starred and underlined a huge thing i discovered which was;

- Walten had 3 kids which i dont remember how i found out but it doesnt matter, its good important info i uncovered.

- Tape #4 - Unkown Date

- recorded 07/12-07/14 1978 

- Hilary B, Ashley P & Kevin W i made sure to get these names down as soon as i saw them on screen but then realized shortly after i wouldnt really need to have it as the closed captions made sure i knew which person was talking by using their first initial (capitalized of course) before each line of text. this is the perfect time to announce the arrival of the clusterfuck of capital letters, which is going to include colons which will indicate that the letter before it is the initial of the person talking. without further aedue, here comes another chinese earthquake;

TCWTSTATO(K-9)TBSSFWFCNEHAWBSUBIUC(BSIIDC)OWHISF INBIJTILNSPL(K-9)LCSCKCCCWTTLTLITTTYROTFAJAMHPYYSTCSPMBBWSBIB H:NTPPCCK:DA:HH:YCPRPMWTCBCRAWK:JH:SYYTCPBACPSTBAWCA:TK(?):FMTTCMK:TCPNOA:DTOFK:ITNPPRA:YBUTIRRFH:HKIBESRAIA:TCK:WA:WPCCFTRRIDPEH:GGK:GPA:LKK:WA:HNCGTKMK:YH:IGKA:ESK:MFH:RK:HILRLBNTRPPUWHITRRTPEIFEPH:YWBEBPK:MAHPBTRPTRPEL(LN)HTACPKLIKHPFITSKLTKLB(LB?)ISIBSUBIPRW AEBATHSPUAICTPURTWBBRPHTRTIIIILTCITCUCCP S(bpe, be)WA”IDCPBPSIB

holy shit its finally over okay now onto some MORE of what i wrote down in between and also after that keysmash attack;

12 doors? (backrooms) 27? 26? i was unsure because ashley was unsure too lmfao

found cassette (6/11/78) <- says “discard”? yeah it did

Tape in clown audio, speaking voice; jack, susan, charles(?), rosemary, sophie, last word sounds like “walrus” it was walten lmfao

Ashley died? yeah she did lmfao OR AT LEAST I THINK SO??

starred this one, Reverse @ 17:06, then got this;

“they left the next day, they thought ashley left early, but she was in the backdoors, screaming as much as she could, but no one heard the screams, the following days the caretakers would complain about an awful smell coming from the backdoors, company decided to shut down facility until new advice, the relocate project was unsuccessful. ashley is still there, but she is not screaming anymore, she saw something she wasnt supposed to see and now shes beautiful” the phrase “shes beautiful” was repeating like a bajillion times in that wall of text. then, god motherfuckng bless: 

at 17:23 i found the other half of the youtube link, “.be/k07QqEDOfQ” i pieced that bad boy together as instant as i think any form of ramen could never be, but remained ever patient. because i made sure to jot down this before moving onto my next segment;

@ end of vid 2, “shadow man sees* me when lights go off” im an idiot *it was actually “feeds” not “sees”, which AGAIN, i only found out after watching the stupid little film theory video *begins snarling and foaming at the mouth*

okay im not proud to admit im editing this to post it and realized ive lost my notes. well. 

might as well post what ive got! if i find my shit ill add onto this, i suppose.

[kaleidoscopeminds]

okay well you know what i'm here for. give me all the details on in a world of black and white. if you feel like breaking down the jalex spinoff as well i will not say no. i love you sooooooo much my love!!!!! xoxo bella

ok i’m actually so glad you’ve asked me this so i can talk a bit about what went into in a world of black and white, you wanted all the details so this is LONG but here’s how it went down!!!

i got you to write for and i was like eeeek so nervous!!!! i even said to hazel when i got you that i was nervous lol but i was like i just have to write the best thing i can using all of my available skills and that is basically a good memory of Things My Friends Like. i knew i wasn’t going to be able to write a jalex fic (lmao look where that got me) so i looked at your reader preferences and was like ok. friends to lovers lashton college au, lets do that, i just needed a concept to work around! then i was walking home from work one day listening to getaway green and i was like... what if getaway fic? what if getaway fic using the colour thing for a soulmate au? not using the actual story of the song per se but bits and pieces? and i got home and made a planning doc for it. it started with a few notes about soulmate lore, a rough “key moments” list, and a list of things to include for you<3 which looked something a little like:

snapback/flannel/lip ring luke

curly hair glasses ashton

make-up scene

hurt/comfort sick scene w/ tea

side jalex

michael having a crush on jack

luke saying he’s going to commit crimes when he sees ashton playing guitar

ace luke

i sent the planning doc to sam @tirednotflirting who said several wonderful things like “she’s gonna love it” which comforted me that it wasn’t a terrible idea. i also decided i wanted to include some lyrics from the song throughout which i KNEW could be kind of cheesy and jarring but i wanted them in there so i tried to make it make as much sense as i could but it still to make you stop and go oh! yeah!  side note there’s a a more vague one in this bit which i’m not sure anyone actually managed to pick out? when Ashton is sick at the end of that scene: Luke tries not to think how much he likes at he idea of being what Ashton needs. as a loose reference to “keep on tellin' me I'm what you need”

most of it i found quite easy to write, i liked getting to have luke as the sweet boy who is desperate for a soulmate and ashton the slightly pretensious and cynical art student, michael was so fun to write as he always is with my muke friendships and calum who is mentioned very infrequently but has some of my favourite moments: michael hanging off him like a large and cumbersome scarf, and the bit where he says “not you babe” which still makes me laugh! the other thing i loved writing was the pretty colour words. i hadn’t done much of descriptive type stuff and i really did enjoy getting a chance to be a bit flowery and go off on one with some colour symbolism. i’ve always liked writing dialogue which i think is one of my strengths, and i think i’ve grown a lot as a writer since this fic but i do like that i did a bit of that kind of writing here which was out of my comfort zone!

the infamous cheese-ball scene didn’t get written in until quite near the end, i was having a bit of a crisis over the end, i’d written the last scene but i was finding it really tricky to know how to progress between the bit with Ashton finishing his project and the actual resolution and i was like i want some classic drink fueled flirting to get a bit of tension and then i was like.... omg i have an idea.... i had a conversation with the lovely sam who was my biggest cheerleader i love that girl i also at this point had still not decided on luke’s major but i decided to go fuck it and go all in on the pandering<3

we’ve discussed this before about not liking miscommunication and conflict so i didn’t want any of that, and i also hate outside interference in relationships as conflict so i didn’t want that either, but i thought the not-knowing thing was maybe just enough to be a reason that they don’t go for it without there being some terrible ~thing~ happen for either of them. it might make it a bit boring but i felt like it worked here! them pining but also kind of knowing they like each other but also not wanting to say it? it felt right to me!

the other thing i want to mention is me not putting everything in the tags because i knew you would read them and i wanted to surprise you, i did a couple of hints to ace luke before we got there in the fic, and i thought it would be soooo fun to have jack show up out of nowhere then alex too because i thought you probably wouldn’t expect that from me!

which brings me to getaway jalex. wow. i never saw myself including jalex as a side pairing simply because i did not know enough about them but i was like i need to at least TRY and i can always scrap it if its terrible. SO i watched a few interviews, a few yt compilations. i wanted to have jack being the professor just because i thought it would be fun to have him be a bit of a menace about it? that’s why i went for him over alex. and then the dialogue was funny, i just wanted to pull a couple of things that made them convincing as i was so like ??? about characterising them, which is where obviously professor boy came from, and also the bit where jack repeats himself the “ever thought about that?” as it was something i picked up on watching stuff! and him pretending to be outraged at alex swearing was just something i saw them doing! i wanted jalex to be the epitome of what i think (and luke thought) a soulmate SHOULD be which is not necessarily desire and pining and all consuming romance but its about annoying each other and being a constant presence and understanding each other better than anyone else and casual touches. and THATS basically where the whole premise for the spin off comes from because its just a slice of life of that extreme comfort of having a person, your person in every sense of the word. we had a little conversation about getaway jalex and i genuinely was not going to write it and then i had the idea for the papers that jack could be grading and the jokes about luke and alex being lead singers and i was like AHA i’ve got it i can do this!!! and it turned into possibly the softest most romantic thing i’ve ever written which is crazy

[too-much-sunshine]

Fangs for the Hospitality

Chapter 5

Summary: After Roman leaves his family reunion mad at Remus, his car breaks down. The huge snow storm forces him into the forest hes always been told to stay away from. Who will he meet? And why are they being so nice? Most importantly, why are his teeth so sharp?

A/N: My self-indulgent magic/vampire fic! Let me know if I need to tag something or you wanna be tagged!

Relationship: Familial DAM, Eventual Roceit, Eventual Intrulogical

Warnings (per chapter): Some Panicky thoughts from Roman, mention of late parents, reference to homophobia/transphobia (Romans family just sucks),

Catch up!:  Master list, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

Word Count: 3241

Read on AO3!

Roman opened his eyes to light shining in his face. It wasn't extremely unpleasant since it was warm, but his eyes burning was something he didn't want to continue. He rolled to the side of the bed and faced a...fireplace? Oh yeah...He was in a random person's house...after almost freezing to death..in the middle of a scary forest…

‘If I wasn't terrified, I’d make the joke that Remus would be so jealous.’ Roman thought as he slowly sat up in the bed. It seems the person he'd met last night was right about sleeping to gain strength back. He could actually use his arms now.

Sitting up he realized the room looked very different in the light of the day then in the dark of night. It was very nicely put together. The walls were a nice pale yellow with the beams in the ceiling exposed to show the nice dark lacquer. The furniture of the room matched the dark coloring of the exposed wood with some red and gold accents as well. The room looked regal, and expensive, dramatic even. Roman felt a bit out of place.

Roman closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He took a deep breath in through his nose and out through his mouth. He still felt a bit out of his wits, but he was starting to calm down a bit in the quiet of the morning.

“Hello!!” A loud voice said from his right.

This caused Roman to startle so bad he was within inches of falling off the bed. Most of the  sense of calmness he worked up immediately was lost in a matter of seconds. Roman brought his hand up to his rapidly beating heart as he took gulping breaths in.

“Oh no! Don’t worry! I’m not here to hurt you! I just wanted to say hi and actually meet you! You kinda died last time we met and I just wanted to make sure you are okay! Daddy says you just got really really cold and when I’m really cold I like warm hugs but I’ve been told that I’m supposed to ask people if they want a hug first but I couldn't ask you because you fell asleep.” The child took a deep breath since they had not since they started speaking.

Roman took a long moment to catch up to what the child had said. They just spoke so fast with such expressiveness Roman couldn't keep up. Let alone he was sure this room was empty not a minute before the child had spoken.

The child stood in the corner of the room with an amazingly bright smile. They rocked back a forth on their heels making their curly brown hair bounce around with them. The child was wearing light blue overall with a pastel yellow shirt that had white flowers embroidered on it. They looked to be around 8 years old and if Roman remembered correctly this was the kid that opened the door last night. Did he ever get their name? He couldn't remember.

Roman realized that the child was waiting for an answer to their question. Their question to….Oh! Hug Roman. They wanted a hug. From Roman? And he doesn't even remember the kids name. But the longer Roman took to answer the more the kid was looking dejected. Panicking, Roman answered them.

“Umm. I...Suppose?” Roman slowly opened his arms.

The child's face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning and climbed up the bed. The speed at which this child climbed up to him surprised Roman a little. They crawled into Romans arms and burrowed their face into Romans chest. Roman sat frozen for a long minute, then slowly lowered his arms around the small child.

For someone so small, they were quite warm. Roman couldn't remember the last time he had had a real hug. Distantly he thought about how it was kind of sad that the first hug he could remember was from a child that he didn't even know the name of. But he pushed that thought aside and squeezed the small child a little tighter.

He was very surprised at how trusting this child was. He was basically a stranger to this kid and yet they were so...comfortable around him. He had never met someone so trusting, even for a child.

“You know there's a spell on your door, right?” The child spoke suddenly, interrupting Romans thoughts and still huddled close.

“Oh there is, is there? How so?” Roman smirked. He missed the whimsical way children would speak. This one must have a big imagination. Much like Roman did when he was their age.

“You can’t see it? Look!” The child turned and shuffled so he was still close to Roman, but was now seated at his side under his arm.

They then pointed at the door and looked up at Roman with big, excited eyes.

“Look at the door! There's a yellow outline around it! That means daddy put a spell on it!” The child smiled brightly, then suddenly it turned into a childish pout. “I don’t know what it is though. I haven't been able to find out cause I’m not good at magic.” They huffed as they crossed their arms.

“Aww hey bud don’t say that! I’m sure you’ll get better. You just need some practice is all! Do you have a wand or something? Maybe I can help you!” Roman replied, smiling at the kid. Their eyes started to shine with unbridled excitement.

“You know magic!?” They asked, jumping off the bed.

“Of course I do! I’m a Prince after all! All princes know magic in some way! I just haven't practiced in a long time so forgive me if I’m a bit rusty.” Roman said with a smile as he also finally got out of bed. He got to his feet just fine, though he still felt a little weak. Though it was something he could easily brush off, the room was spinning a bit. But he had a child to entertain! And playing pretend was Romans favorite game. Roman took a deep breath and pushed past his slight weakness.

Roman walked to stand near the kid at the foot of the bed.

“Now! Where is this wand of yours?” He asked the excitable child.

“Oh, I don’t have one! Dad said that I draw my magic from the earth and stuff. So anything thats alive I can draw my power from!” They said with a big toothy grin, striking a power pose.

“Wow that's really cool! You must have been doing this magic stuff for a long time to know so much.” Roman praised. He would admit that was quite detailed for a child. But being this far out in the woods he's sure he could come up with some expensive magic lore as well.

“Well yea,” the child said, “Dad said I was born a witch!”

Roman continued to smile and nod even though he didn't quite understand. The person he talked to last night seemed quite nice. Definitely not the type to call their child a witch from birth. Though that's a pretty small insult so the child most likely didn't understand. He supposed he didn't actually know the person… Maybe he wasn't as kind as he had originally thought.

Roman thought it best to continue to play along with the child. They seemed to be having fun and Roman had to admit that he was also getting a bit into the game of make-believe. “Well that is really cool! I myself was born a Prince as you were born a witch. But not too long ago an evil woman tried to take away my title! So I ran away to live on my own and chose to keep my name as Prince Roman.” As Roman told his short tale the child listened with rapt attention.

“Woooww! That's amazing you must be so stroongg!! That lady must be so mean! I’m gonna beat her up for you!” They brought their fists up to show their...lack luster strength. But Roman appreciated the sentiment.

“That's okay kid. I don’t think I’m gonna see her again. I don’t want to go back there anymore anyway. Now! Let's do some magic! Show what you can do!”

“Okay!” They said. “But…” The child got really close to Roman and pulled him down by the sleeve to whisper in his ear. “Don’t tell my dad. He doesn’t like when I do magic in the house when he can’t watch.”

Roman smiled at the new seriousness that the child took on. Roman mimicked the same eer a well.

“You have a Prince's honor.” Roman said as he raised his right arm.

The kid gave him a once over. Seemingly finding what they were looking for, they took a step back and closed their eyes.They took several deep breaths and held their hands palm up in front of themself. While continuing to breath, they started to sway a bit.

Roman continued watching closely to see how long this kid was gonna commit to the whole ‘I can do magic’ thing. He was waiting for something small to happen, like a creek in the floorboards or a sudden draft, to blame on the kid. He would of course hype it up to say they moved a mountain or caused an incoming storm.

But before either of them even had a chance to speak up, heavy footsteps could be heard bounding toward the closed door. The door banged open hitting the wall, which caused Roman to jump. In the doorway to reveal a less than pleased looking Janus with a small child poised on their hip.

They paused at the door seeing that Roman was out of bed and standing next to the foot of the bed. His son was in the center of the room, doing his deep breathing exercise he had taught him to help manage his magic. Looks like he showed up just in time.

Roman stood frozen, starting at the person in the doorway. Were they the same person that he had met last night? They looked so much different in the light of the day. The slim, yet on the shorter side. They had dark black curly hair mostly covered by their circular black hat. They were wearing a yellow turtleneck sweater tucked into black high waisted pinstripe pants.

The small child they were holding was hiding their face in the sweater. They were wearing a small purple beanie that covered their black hair. The scared child was holding a stuffed toy of the cartoon animal Stitch so tight his tiny knuckles were white. They couldn't have been any older than 3 years old.

Janus finished assessing the scene in front of him and finally spoke up, addressing his child.

“Patton dear, what have I told you about magic without my knowledge?” Janus asked, slightly bouncing the toddler.

“To not do it in the house…” Patton said, hanging his head.

Janus sighed. “It's okay honey. Just want to make sure you're safe while...playing.” He said the last word slowly, while looking directly at Roman.

“But dad! He said he's a Prince! And that he knows magic as well! He was going to help me learn to control my magic more and then I was going to help him beat up some old lady who tried to make him not be a Prince!” They said looking back and forth between Roman and Janus. All previous shame gone in an instant.

“Is he now?” Janus inquired. “Well here I was treating you like a normal person.” Janus looked over Roman, who looked very uncomfortable, and bowed deeply. The child on his hip started to giggle, peeking their eyes out. “Now, your highness I promised you breakfast this morning but since you are already up you can join the rest of us at our table? I can guarantee it won’t be as grand as you are used too, but I’m sure we can work something out.” He grabbed the child that was on his hip under their arms and placed them by his feet. “Patton dear, can you take your little brother to the dining room and set up a bit? Breakfast will be done shortly and I wish to speak with the Prince.”

“Okay daddy! Let's go Virgey! I pour you some juice and then we can color!” Patton grabbed the little child's hand as skipped out of the room. If Roman would have looked any closer he might have seen the door glow a faint yellow for a second, before the color faded away.

Janus watched his kids leave the room with a small smile on his face. After they were completely out of earshot Janus turned fully to Roman.

“So. A Prince you say?” Janus asked.

Roman was extremely uncomfortable. He felt like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Yet there was really no reason to feel this way. He just… did when people talked to him. He always just assumes he's in trouble. He decided though that the truth is the best course of action here.

“Haha yeah no not really. Patton just seemed really into the whole magic thing so I thought I’d play along. They are very sweet…”

“They?” Janus asked, raising an eyebrow. It was off topic from where he wanted to go in his questioning, but his curiosity caused him to pose the question anyway.

Roman froze. Did he fuck up again? He shouldn't have let the slip when he didn't know how tolerant these people were. They were as close as you could be to living under a rock. They were so far in the forest.

Then again maybe they would be cool with it? It's not like Roman knew the gender of any of the people here so he just… Didn’t want to assume anything.

But that excuse did not work in his family. When he said that before he had gotten a long lecture from just about everyone in his family. It was like they all took turns, repeating the exact same ignorant shit. He remembers leaving that specific Christmas party and just crying alone in his apartment. That was not a good night.

Roman was so lost in thought he didn't even realize when Janus took a few steps closer to him. Shaking his head slightly to clear his thoughts Roman looked back up to Janus. He took a deep breath and hid his slightly shaking hands behind his back. He decided he might as well try and explain the truth again.

“I...I didn't want to assume any of your genders and none of you explicitly told me. I didn't want to be rude.” Roman said not directly looking at Janus.

Janus was largely taken aback. He was not expecting the stranger to be so...considerate. Janus looked the stranger up and down, searching for any sign he was lying to him. Finding nothing that could condemn him as such he decidedly spoke instead.

“Well that's very kind of you. I myself go by he/him. Both my sons do for now, but they are welcome to say otherwise whenever, or if ever, they wish. You?” Janus asked slowly.

“Umm… He/him as well…” Roman answered in a slightly shocked state. He never in a million years thought that Janus would be so chill about it all. It was such a stark reaction to everyone he had ever talked to about these things. Except the one person at the theater he had met, they were very chill since they were nonbinary. Roman had learned a lot from them.

But even if Janus was chill now, Roman still felt that everyone had a limit. So maybe he should just say he only used he/him and grin and bare it for now.

“Mhmm,” Janus hummed, “Okay, now that that's out of the way, I would like to know when my son came into the room? I happened to be taking Virgil to the kitchen when I heard Pat from outside the door. How long had he been here?”

Janus seemed slightly concerned, and Roman only had a few guesses why. Most of which included leaving a child with a random stranger that they had only met last night. But once he started to think about it, he knew when Patton scared him, but not how he came in. Surly Roman would have seen the door open; it faced the bed. Roman took a few steps back till he took a seat on the bed.

“To be honest I don’t quite remember when he got in here. I didn't see him come in, only when he scared the beegeebies out of me when he said hi. So maybe only about 20 minutes? I’m sorry. I understand why you wouldn't want me around your kids. I don't know you and you don’t know me. Sorry I randomly showed up at your door. Pat and I didn't do much, just played a bit of pretend before you showed up. Oh and he also wanted a hug when he first showed up. Sorry if you didn't want me too but he just looked like he would cry if I said no and I didnt want that so he crawled on the bed and we talked about magic for a bit.” Roman said, speeding toward the because he was running out of breath. He was also getting a bit anxious at the way Janus was just staring at him.

Janus was more interested in the fact that they talked about magic more than he was that Patton had hugged him. Pat was a very touchy child. His biological parents were very giving when it came to physical affection, so Patton was very used to it when he was taken in by Janus. Janus had to get used to Patton just running and hugging him. It had taken quite a while to teach him to ask first.

“Oh you talked about magic? What did Pat say?” Janus inquired.

Roman was a bit confused at the path the questions were taking. But not wanting to upset Janus anymore then he assumed he already had, Roman answered anyway.

“Umm.. Ye-yea. He told me the door had a spell on it and told me that he's bad at magic. And I’m never one to turn down a kid's wild imagination so I entertained him a bit. I told him that I would help him practice since I’m a magic Prince. You showed up right before he showed me any of his magic tricks though. I was just playing along with him, not trying to lie.”

Janus sighed and nodded his head. He looked around the room seemingly trying to find something to say.

“Okay. Well, I’d appreciate it if you weren't alone with my children. You are still a stranger to us and I’m not willing to trust you yet. You should probably feel the same about me. Now, let's take this talk to the dining room and we can decide where to go from here. Follow me.” As Janus finished he turned around, waved from Roman to follow, then walked out the door.

Not wanting to keep Janus waiting, he quickly followed him, still not noticing the faintly glowing door.

Next Chapter!

Taglist:

@primaveradoodles @bluerosesbleedred

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

im gonna just keep punching thru my WIPs so here’s some ~ign gun stuff~. i know everyone wants to talk about the new trailer and calypso stuff, i mean i do at least, but `checks list` i still have a lot of old stuff to get thru 😵

god i’ve been working on this for *three days* (yes! im not dead!)

tl;dr: i mostly just wanted to talk about how the CoV is using slag to power their guns to give them infinite magazines and ended up getting more proof for my ‘the calypsos are using eridium/slag to quickly mutate their followers and give them special powers’ theory. Also some interesting stuff about troy’s sword and his tattoos and his lil necklace things at the very bottom, if you’re interested. mostly ties it all into the new Eridian glowing stuff we’ve been seeing. they’ve moved on from purple -> red. which brings up some interesting questions...

So first I’m going over the individual IGN weapon videos, which you can find on their site here and on youtube here through HayderHype (doing god’s work). i recommend checking out this version because the ign player is not spectacular.

now to be honest im here to talk about three things from this particular vid: the areas we see in the gameplay, the new funky alien parts, and the CoV guns. the manufacturer perks are cool and all, but we already know most of that stuff. so I won’t be showcasing every gun from the video, but instead the more interesting/important bits I’ve noticed as I watched it

cool? cool!

the first area we get is definitely space rocks, im imagining this is similar to the area we see Zane in on that one promo sheet, 

(this one)

and, more importantly, the area where we will find that bigass space laser gun thing. i do believe that giant-ass gun is somewhere within Promethea’s asteroid belt.

(this one)

i am curious why the planet below doesn’t appear to have any asteroids surrounding it. maybe the giant space laser destroyed them. which i do discuss in this post here, if you’re interested in a very long read.

it could be that we’re simply on the side of the asteroids. which then makes me wonder, why are they all clustered there? it’s probably because the fuckin moon was destroyed. maybe by the giant space laser. which is also discussed in the post above 👀

it could also be elpis! the rocks are definitely gray enough lol and we don't exactly have a very good frame of reference for ‘asteroid’ vs ‘moon’. the giant space gun is out of shot, afterall.

ah. alien guns. 

i don’t think these are related to the bl1 eridian guns- not the kind we’ve seen that look similar to the Guardians in-game

that is:

this is all the same sort material as the Guardians, with their bug bits and armor and shit and these new alien barrels are all organic and squishy. (oh also take note of that purple thing on the eridian lightning, im going to bring it back later)

these new ones are definitely fuckin creepy looking, but not very bug-like at all. if they are related to eridians, it’s not through the Guardians. (as for the ACTUAL Vault Guardians/Monsters, yeah, it’s possible. i’ll get to that in a secco)

for the tentacle stuff, i know the Destroyer (not a Vault Guardian- it was imprisoned) is all ‘tentacles and disappointment’, but tbh i don’t see the asphalt lookin chunks being part of the Destroyer. and i especially don’t see manufacturers themselves harvesting the Destroyer for gun parts (Hyperion aside lol)

i could see them tying it in with the Rampagers (both fleshy with the black armor bits) but also... they’re not very tentacle-y. and how would manufacturers be getting the rampager stuff anyway? i suppose if that really is a teleportation network, then they would be on all the planets we visit. making them more available for farming. but still.

and yeah, the rocks probably have some sort of relation to Eridians, i mean we’ve seen rocks like these at Eridian dig sites and we know of a Vault Monster made out of similar-looking rocks

plus

this shloot gun, which i will get to later, appears to be made out of the same rock. 

so wtf are these tentacle things? made by eridians specifically for weaponry? a different version of the eridian guns we find on Pandora? did the manufacturers find a whole stash of these things and start making their own? instructions on how to build them? we know eridian writing is stashed across the universe, afterall.

maybe they are meant to be something different...

i honestly don’t know, and im getting off topic here, so let’s move on.

not a crashed ship. i haven’t seen ALL the eden-6 gameplay, but i’ve seen a few and they had only gone through the ship AI quest with ice-t and the very uncomfortably long jabber section. seriously, tf was that? 

also i still don’t trust wainwright. that fucker is totally gonna betray us for the key once we get him the pieces. also did you know one piece of the promethean key is on Athenas? wildin’. wait this game is just One Piece in space... fairy vearth i am coming for you... oh god, do i have a type? i think i have a type when it comes to media. ... hm.

oh, but the facility. i wouldn’t be surprised if it were Atlas. the red stripes also got me like ‘old Hyperion’, but again tf would Hyperion be doing on Eden-6? plus that one shot with Hammerlock in the new Eden-6 video makes me think it is, in fact, Atlas. 

(side note, i love when i search my blog for a post with the word ‘eden-6′ in it and i get literally everything EXCEPT the post where the hyperlink is literally eden-6. tumblr! you suck! your search function is terrible!  https://cruddyborderlandstheories.tumblr.com/post/186858618497/eden-6. but yeah this is where that hammerlock shot is, if you’re interested)

specifically this little thing here

reminds me of this labeling system that we see on Promethea, which marks different parts of the city (red and blue are the 2 i’ve seen so far)

which then begs the question: what was ATLAS doing on eden-6? back when i thought this planet was promethea, that was fine. but... it’s not. so wtf are they doing here? 

personally, i think they were researching whatever Typhon Deleon found here (or thought he would find here). We see he has historical markers across the planet, so i would not be surprised if he found something. 

to add to that, we know there’s eridian things on planet, because a. we see a eridian log in the moze gameplay. 

and b, which is new info from the recent community Q&A: those purple crystals we see contain eridian writing, and we use a “special tool” to dig them out

so glad we finally know wtf these are for lol

“There’s Eridian Writing, and you need a certain tool to get the Eridian writing and once you do, you find this across there (the planets i assume) and this Eridian Writing opens up certain things for players”. which has certainly gotten me INTERESTED AS FUCK

i know i mentioned in my post about these crystals that maybe these were parts of eridian artifacts and stuff that tannis would help us with and turn into gear. but honestly given how vague he is by saying ‘opens up certain... things’... i almost want to say skill upgrades. 

i’ve mentioned before (and actually it’s come back recently in an ask) that I really, really, REALLY want our VHs to get bonus skill trees due to Siren powers being unlocked (cause like if we do graduate to Vault Guardian then who is to say... we won’t?) and, like, sure, if they can’t break the ‘6 Sirens in the universe at a time’ rule, then mayhaps we will get some sweet Eridian upgrades through these writings to our already available skills. maybe new standalone action skills, since they’ve made it very clear you can equip any action skill you want. lorewise, it could be like how Fl4k’s skag becomes an Eridian Skag (cough LostLegionEternal cough)

or, maybe, they actually are schematics and Tannis will help us build them and we’ll get cool gear out of it. maybe vehicle upgrades or something. maybe even something pertaining to Guardian Rank (which I still think is us graduating from Vault Hunter to Vault Guardian and if thats the case then i really hope siren = vault guardian becau- okay i’ll stop sorry.). I don’t think it will be something that we MUST do for the plot, so it can’t be THAT important to the lore. Like i said in the old post, we probably will break one or two for the main story after getting the stabby brass knuckles, then we will be let loose to collect the others on our own free time. 

but yeah, the wording of “opens up” is doing me a big thonk because... well, he’s making it sound like an entirely new aspect of the game we have yet to hear about. of course he could just be using a very literal sense of the word in that we are literally opening up the crystals by smashing them open and freeing whatever is locked inside. especially because he says that specifically the Eridian writing, which we acquire with the tool, is what opens up those certain things. 

also guessing we get this glowly stabby tool from Athenas now, instead of from Atlas. I’ll explain in the Athenas post!! I promise. we have LOTS of stuff to discuss there, i’m very excited to work on it.

jesus i got off topic.

but yeah. i imagine Atlas would be researching whatever Eridian stuff Typhon Deleon found here. there’s clearly writing all over the place, with lots of eridian logs

it could also be that this is like Supamax MFG or some other production facility that was shut down and abandoned. doesn’t always have to tie back into the deep lore, as much as i want it to lol

but moving on. because good lord im not even like 2 minutes in on the first video and i have 2 more to go after this.

this area feels like the inside of the asteroid base.

there’s nothing but rocks floating outside! so i guess the theory about this being on the side of the asteroids was correct! huzzah!

poor promethea. they didn’t deserve it. also may just be some way to link up the promethea teleport system (because yeah im still standing by that theory) to the rest of the planets. or this is some way to activate a temple, or a Vault, or something Rhys wants exploded like Maliwan HQ... so many possibilities. Maybe it’s just that Maliwan was sky-bombing Atlas-held areas and he sends us up here to stop it.

so many possibilities. so little time.

moving on

looks like the place amara visits in her character trailer. given we’ve also seen the area Fl4k visits, im excited to see if we’ll also be visiting the areas from Moze and Zane’s trailers.

eyy more looks at that facility. definitely feeling like this is Atlas.

also, this appears to be similar to the window brick, mordecai, and tina stand in front of in that one shot. i know i already mention this in that VERY old post where i organized all the areas of the dev and reveal trailers, but still. good to see it’s standing up

also, if you’re wondering why i have yet to mention or show any of the athenas clips, it’s because im saving those for my next post. athenas all day babey (i am trying to use self-restraint, it’s very hard for me to not just blather on about stuff i want to talk about lol)

this appears to be the tink stripper area lol

thanks gearbox i hate it

why

big varkid!! with what looks like the HBC in the background. possibly some named badass enemy we kill for hammerlock? i can’t imagine this is big enough to be vermi.

the area with the ferris wheel!! i hope we can ride it. also that rollercoaster in the claptrap presents pandora video? omg i want to ride it sooooo badly

ah this is the jakobs family thing. part of the ship from the eden-6 demo

iirc this was where Moze is using Iron Bear during the We Are Mayhem trailer. I wonder if that’s Rhys’s office in the back or smth. very fancy

okay. finally.

the Children of the Vault Weapons. I’m actually going to showcase a few of these, because I think it’s important.

remember, the CoV weapons have infinite magazines (not infinite ammo)

so if you’ve noticed the similarities between these weapons: they all seem to be powered by eridium/slag. some have the purple piping (and with the fire/corrosive/shock elements, i have to wonder if this is similar to how slag mutated enemies will get elemental affinities) and shards of eridium sticking out of the detailing. 

given the piping will change colors depending on the element used, i definitely don’t think the glowing purple is just for aesthetic purposes and i 100% believe this plays into their infinite magazine size. i think this is somewhat similar to the Eridian weapons, in which they have infinite magazines and rechargeable ammo

(using the eridian thunder storm as reference here)

the CoV weapons don’t have rechargeable ammo, but they definitely have infinite magazines, which i imagine is a step in the right direction to recreating these eridian weapons with slag/eridium

so is this the reason that slag pool we see is ‘Holy Holy Holy’?

^ this is a glimpse at the structure below in-game spewing out eridium/slag, so we know what the full version looks like

and below is a version without slag/eridium:

i mean, it’s not like there hasn’t already been a precedent for worshipping guns and what provides them. just take a look at the bloodshot ramparts, the bloodshots worshipping Marcus as a god for providing guns to them.

i mean, even the eyeball symbolism is pretty familiar here.

and yes, this could 100% replace my other theory that the twins are mutating their cultists with eridium/slag. but tbh, i think it proves it even further.

remember this?

that piping looks really familiar, doesn’t it?

and we know goliaths in bl2 were mutated by slag/eridium/ruin exposure- it’s explained that a lot of the bandits teetering on the verge on non-human were mutated because of eridian ruins/tech (the key in sledge’s mine). so why would it be hard to believe that the twins are accelerating or activating this process using their own store of eridium/slag?

i won’t go full theory on this, because you’ve already heard me rave about it, but i think this is very nice evidence, so long as our previous assumption about the slag/eridium powering the CoV guns is true. which i believe it is

(From the Eden-6 teaser trailer)

(from the We Are Mayhem trailer)

very similar

so what the hell is in those vials?

looking at them, it’s clear the first matches up with the slag gun and the second with the fire gun. all well and good. maybe they’re bottling up that elemental goodness as sort of an ‘oh shit’ button, or just as a way to stand out in the cult, show off your allegiance to them by mimicking Troy’s vials (which i suppose i’ll have to touch on in another post, because iit will derail everything)

so i imagine this is provided by the cult- maybe because they are powering up their cultists using slag, in a very similar way to how they’re powering up their guns. forcibly mutating them and all that- speeding up the process that normally happens somewhat slowly on Pandora. afterall, isn’t that what the cultists are being promised? ‘special powers’.

but there is more

we know Tyreen’s power is to absorb the powers of people. Phaseleech or something. and when she does it to lilith in the new cutscene, lilith simply has her Siren powers taken away and is left in a near-death state. 

which is all well and good, but when Tyreen does it to her cultists... hell, even the Sun Smashers, something different happens:

we’re even allowed to watch the process take place

even before he’s fully dead, this psycho is turning to stone, which doesn’t happen to lilith. there’s a few reasons this could happen

1. Tyreen didn’t have intent to kill. she wanted to leave Lilith for the dogs- the Eridium-tier cultists

2. Lilith’s Siren powers are sort of like a shield- instead of immediately turning to stone under the effects of Tyreen’s powers, she instead loses her abilities

3. the bandits are different from Lilith, and that is because of her abilities as a Siren.

im going to go for the 3rd option.

we know bandits on Pandora are mutated by the slag/eridium/eridian ruins surrounding them. Krieg, an off-worlder, is taken into a hyperion testing facility and tested on with slag, which turns him into the badass psycho we know today. that gives him the exposure to slag/eridium/eridian ruins/tech. you get the deal. (im just going to call it eridium in reference to all eridian ruins/tech/slag/eridium.) and like Krieg, we see badass psychos roaming the wastes, even before Hyperion slag testing began to take place. this is because of their exposure to eridian ruins/technology across pandora- eridium hadn’t appeared until after the first Vault opened. 

so i dont think it hard to believe that these bandits are still being affected by exposure, to the point that eridium had begun to build up in their bodies, leading to these physical mutations and new elemental powers. this happens to the wildlife of Pandora, too. Badass elemental skags, fire spiderants, even bloodwing shows (a speedrun version of) this in the WEP. some muted bandits include badass psychos, goliaths, burning psychos, slagged psychos. etc, etc.

i think Lilith, being a Siren, is protected from the effects of ‘background radiation’ of eridium. she’s able to process eridium without any byproduct, and we can assume she’s converting it fully into energy/power (as Sirens are able to charge Vault Keys with it). we could argue that her Siren skill gain in borderlands 1 is explained by her being near eridian ruins for a majority of the game (slow buildup of background ‘radiation’), then in bl2 her skills skyrocket to an entirely new level (teleportation) because of her direct contact with pure eridium. and since she’s able to convert eridium into power, she doesn’t turn to stone when Tyreen absorbs her lifeforce- she has no buildup in her body.

unlike her, the bandits who spent a long enough time (7 years is long enough for the Sun Smashers, I would imagine. also probably long enough for Vaughn to start losing it- just a little bit) on Pandora to continuously absorb this eridium have a significant build-up in their bodies, so when Tyreen absorbs their life forces, the eridium already inside them is drawn out, or reacts with her powers, and turns them to stone/eridium crystals.

anyway.

moving on to more gun stuff

Borderlands 3: Every Gun Maker and Their Perks

like the last vid, im just going to be going over some interesting areas and guns if i see any.

>hold down the trigger to charge the gun and release a powerful pulse shot

did they fix Maliwan guns??? iirc from the demo you had to charge them to shoot at all! that’s wonderful!

also

looks like Zane might have an ECHO log somewhere in the Meridian Metroplex, if the VHs don’t have ECHOs in their inventory as starting gear (im curious if the ones on Sanc-III are supposed to replace that, or if they’ve only been put there for the demo...)

the reason im assuming this is an ECHO is because ur character’s icon will only appear if ur coop player is speaking and they’re far away from you (no coop partner in this clip), or if you’ve activated an ECHO log. there may be a as-of-yet unrevealed option, like maybe the twins playing back a recording, but we’ll see.

so, ahhh if ur in this general location, be on the lookout for anything glowing like a quest item

also also im surprised there are players who are using Zane and not playing with 2 action skills. that’s like... sort of his biggest thing.

ah well, that’s literally the only interesting thing outta this video, so moving on

5 of the Craziest and Awesome Guns in BL3

yeah this is the one gun i wanna talk about- i said i was going to be bringing it back later on and i wasn’t joking

so it should be pretty obvious by now this thing is Eridian. if the symbol on the top didn’t convince you, and the rocks didn’t either, then the diamond should, bc apparently that’s just, like, an Eridian thing now. apparently. no im not salty this shape just started appearing only in the 3rd game. that’s ridiculous.

... okay, only a little, i guess.

personally, i think this gun exists to explain why the Vaults and Vault Monsters drop loot that is... from our world/time period. Feed it Eridium, get guns out. how does it actually make gun? iunno. looks like it’s powered by fire, though. or whatever is in Troy’s sword/the cool knife knuckles

this stuff

orrrr

this stuff.

which... makes me think Troy doesn’t use his sword in the intro fight because he doesn’t have it yet. he might be waiting to get it back (upgrade?) or until he’s strong enough to hold it- or he just hasn’t found it yet. 

i mean, the boy can’t even pick himself up off the ground and suddenly I’m supposed to believe he can wield a sword that’s probably heavier than he is? he’s probably waiting to be full strength to use the damn thing.

and if he doesn’t have it yet, i would imagine they find it on Athenas or in one of the other temples while using the teleportation network (i will die for this theory until im proven wrong) and yoink that shit. i mean, who wouldn’t?

which also is making me wonder if the stuff around his neck is the new (old? before/after eridium?) Eridian energy/power. which i guess means we’re looping all the way back around to theory #1: wtf are those things around troy’s neck lol

it would be interesting if he’s gotta hold onto this for his powers or something. double interesting if Tyreen is making him use it because he’s useful, even though it’s killing him- if he’s useful somehow (like thru distributing the powers Tyreen holds, like i’ve been saying with my input/output twins theory for quite some time now) then Tyreen NEEDS him to do this for the cult.

i mean, his tattoos do glow the same color as the Eridian tech when they’re transferring what i assume is energy between the two of them

so it's not too hard to believe that his tattoos are somehow tied to this eridian tech mess. 

i almost wonder if this is like... a new version of Siren we haven’t seen yet. one not linked to Eridium like the other Sirens are. maybe created before/after the eridians had access to eridium (before they discovered it/locked it away in the Vault of the Destroyer), or an artificial one produced by the red-based eridian tech- and that’s why his tattoos are the same color as all the new eridian stuff we’ve been seeing.

but, eh. it’s whatever. this is a gun post, not a Calypso post. i’ll go in depth in a later post :^) (i am trying to stay on topic now. we’ll see how long this lasts lol)

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

alright. part two, here we go

-

“she’s safe”

“I’m afraid you’ve lost me”

the words ‘maya’ and ‘safe’ do not go together in phoenix’s dictionary 

-

...Phoenix’s phone has caller ID??

-

ooh a phone vocal-blip. cute

-

ok fuck you how is the Benefactor keeping tabs on them?? Did Atishon use his One Phone Call to report to headquarters or something???

-

“I admit, I didn’t see that coming”

well spoilers guys I know who the benefactor is, and they have to be pretty fucking stupid not to know that a spirit medium is needed for this.

-

“its your friendly neighbourhood dragon”

no dhurke, youre not cool enough to be spiderman.

-

“you cant lay a hand on maya fey, and i mean literally”

>foreboding 

-

[sighs deeply]

guys. just. fucking call edgeworth. he’s chief prosecutor of america and his sister is part of INTERPOL. call edgeworth and just. fix the fucking problem. right now.

-

“No time to explain”

ggghhghghhghghgh

-

...oh. there’s edgeworth

...............now watch him be completely fucking useless

-

.......ARE YOU KIDDING ME

PHOENIX /DID/ CALL EDGEWORTH THE MOMENT MAYA WAS KIDNAPPED AND HE STILL WENT THROUGH HIS FUCKING “DUHHH BETTER DEFEND THIS OBVIOUS CRIMINAL” SHIT??

-

oh edgeworth. you and your chartered planes.

whenever he does that i like to imagine he hired MJN air.

-

Edgeworth...

A) Why are you letting Dhurke be involved? Just cut him out, send Franziska and Lang in with a team of guys and kick the shit out of the enemy

B) You don’t need to conceal someone on a charter jet. You chartered it. You can do whatever the fuck you want with it. Besides, Dhurke got into the country p easily, he can get out the same way.

C) Dhurke is a criminal. Depending on what he’s done as a rebel, he could be as guilty in your country as his home country. Why are you acting like he’s innocent? Aren't you kind of by-the-book?

-

oh yeah and despite the fact that they’ve updated Phoenix’s sprite, Miles still looks like a frozen plank of wood. Thanks :\

-

Apollo: Sorry Trucy, guess you have to hold all the unnecessary evidence and hold down the fort and be LEFT BEHIND FOR A CHANGE AAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

-

oh. this is a really nice garden.

the drama theme is kinda harshing the mellow tho

-

o hai rayfa

-

um. what the fuck. that mask must make it pretty difficult to do shit pal

-

Garan, whilst ordering her henchmen online: drama queen or king preferred 

-

UR DIARRHOEA, GAH-RAHN

cool theme, love the use of the royal “we”. 

-

“what about those guards over there”

“ohh, just prepared to fuck shit u–– iii mean help you haha.”

-

yeahhh... I'm not buying her super calm “my husband is a kidnapper” attitude. 

-

UIGSFILGFLIS DHURKE YOU FUCKING MORON

god he’s such a useless piece of shit. unless he’s trying to get taken so that he can be taken to... idk, wherever Maya is held in some sort of Gambit, he’s a real moron for just up and outing himself like that.

-

BAAAAARBED HEAD. YOU HAVE SOME SPLAAAAAAAAININ TO DOOOO

-

man why do they even give us other options if we can’t use them???

-

“Dhurke... I sure hope he’s alright”

hey apollo wanna hear a secret

i dont 

-

Phoenix externally: Patience, Apollo, patience.

Phoenix internally: we are so screwed at any moment the queen could be all “OFF WITH YOUR HEAD” and i’ll never see trucy or maya again jesus holy mother buddha help me

-

i love that Garananana is kinda just chilling with them. You got more important shit to do, queenie. like being evil 

also open your goddamn mouth once in a while, sheesh

-

Apollo: I hope no one gets hurt

The entire series of ace attorney as a whole: oh honey

-

wait ... INGA HAD A RATTAIL?!

-

ohhh yesss listen to those punches

why couldn’t they have animated it too ;w;

-

phew. im glad Maya’s ok. 

-

yeesh... poor Rayfa.

-

i love that even apollo’s like “fuck dad, you didn't kill him, did you?????”

its a beautiful contrast to how adamant he was about Trucy not killing Manov. 

-

um, soundtrack, now is not the time for Grand Revival. I know Edgeworth is on screen but the shit he’s saying is far, far from uplifting.

-

“it seems prosecutor sahdmadhi has grown quite fond of her”

nooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

-

“they’ve almost become a team of sorts”

ok so mark Ema down on the list of AJ characters who will never be seen again after this game.

fuck man i’d even take Klema over this 

-

can you imagine if they'd split up Apollo/Phoenix  Edgeworth/Athena instead

i really wonder how Athena and Edgeworth would interact. Athena’s spunky enough to be a bit like Kay I suppose, so maybe similar to that.

-

again, Kooraheen’s detention centre theme is really quite pretty

too bad i have to look at Dhurke’s face while listening to it

-

...a tasty... hash house

i

oh apollo’s up for that

well tbh if i was him i could use some hash after all this shit

-

yEAH YOU TELL’IM APOLLO

SMARTEN THAT BASTARD UP

-

god apollo he’s not worth it. i’d say leave the fucker to his fate but i guess it is important to find the real killer... sigh

-

apparently queen Amara liked insensitive fuckbags with masculinity issues

oh well. to each their own.

-

>:( don’t compare Dhurke’s story to Phoenix’s, Apollo 

-

“you ran?! but why?!!”

oh i dunno, athena, maybe the fucking death penalty?????

-

hang the fuck on

are you telling me that Dhurke started making trips to his shitty abandoned law office via sewer... while Apollo was still with him?!

Like what fucking reason would he have to drag him down there?! The place is an archive/resistance base, but Apollo and Sadmad lived in the mountains as children; why the fuck would he take his /kids/ into town at the risk of having them all arrested at once?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, DHURKE

-

that orb better be a fucking laser or some shit cause I'm really tired of hearing about it 

-

oh......... hi sadmad..................... what a pleasure to see you........... again................

just as fucking pleasant as ever

-

i love that Dhurke is like “what happened to fighting the man, son??”

like even if he is a double agent he can’t very well just be like “psst I'm still on your side!!!!” in front of the fucking guard 

i hate that dhurke’s face is so placid during this too.

“Son, why did you betray me? Also how was the sports game?”

-

“The Nahyuta you knew exists no more”

yeah sure sadblackworth, whatever you say

-

oh well that was abrupt 

meh, onwards to the tomb

-

“No, that’s the holy mother. She’s the one who brought spirit channeling to Khura’in”

oh so you mean Ami Fey.

-

oh ema... i’ll miss you while youre off being Sadmad’s lapdog 

-

“You mean His Ephemeral Holiness?”

Yes, Ema, fight it!!! Fight it!!!!!!

“But when he manages a smile and compliments my work, it’s hard to say no.”

...nuts. 

-

wait what do you mean the defendant is someone you know

you met Dhurke like once a day ago 

-

aw apollo took the locked-room-mystery words right out of my mouth. i love him so. why are they going to take him away?

-

 alrihgt back to this shit after like a 3 month hiatus or something 

-

i love how chill everyone is talking about Maya’s kidnapping 

“oh yeah he brought her here to the tomb so nobody would see. sensible thing to do. oh also maya almost died but i guess that’s nbd”

-

casually opens a tomb

casually opens the sarcophagus hangings  

casually tries to open the sarcophagus when told there’s a mummy inside

apollo, you're contracting douche-itis from everyone else. this old family of yours is a bad influence.

-

...we’re gonna yeet this sarcophagus arent we 

-

i love that Amara’s just kinda. depicted standing there as she’s burned to death. i mean i guess theyre trying to preserve her beauty and dignity in death but it also makes her look like an idiot who didnt try to escape the flames. 

ooh i like that last one though

-

pff thats a pretty well-equipped corpse line

-

“Where’d the other three bullets go?”

“Maybe Dhurke ate them?”

if he did they'd better have a VERY good explanation 

-

“the poor guy”

EMA

HE WAS HOLDING MAYA HOSTAGE

-

“the cuffs of justice”

love it

-

“just one of those traditions people do and they dont know the reason why”

“like rolling up your sleeves?”

“or your psychology, if we’re going there” HE FUCKING WENT THERE

OOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE YOU APOLLO

-

“he said grape juice has something in it that helps you relax”

are we going into grape juice lore here

"Really? ...Um, are you sure he was talking about regular, plain old grape juice?”

Yes, actually, Athena. It’s canonical that it is /actual off-the-vine welsh’s good ol’ sippy cup grape juice/. It’s not a metaphor or a censoring for kids, it’s just juice.

Of course, this is written by the DDSOJ staff. And considering the intense, dark n’ gritty action makeover the series got, I wouldn’t put it past them to retcon the juice into the... “fermented variety”. thanks Athena.

Yayyy not only do they write shitty dads, but they have to retroactively en-shitten Phoenix as an alcoholic father. Gosh, I sure do love these guys.

(obviously this isn’t a dig at anyone who head canons gj as wine, there’s a difference between head canons and malicious retconning.)

-

hmm interesting mechanic for this chair. i guess since you can’t stuff it in your inventory you cant do the ‘look all over’ thing. but on the other hand, they REALLY wanted to impress you with that hidden blood.

-

Ema: [performs a blood test in 2 seconds] I didn’t get a match!

Well probably not in that time, babe

i have to commend them on the little cutscene though that was nice. 

-

again, i guess Amara really liked emotionally stunted fuckwads

the devil horns are a bit much, though.

-

oh damn.

thats a nice ass pendant 

...oh thats blood

well, it sets off the pink and gold quite nicely. and its a butterfly... seems like something Dahlia would wear

-

“speak of the devil...”

speak of the devil indeed. hiiiiiii sadmad... its been a while.

-

oh ok he didnt say anything 

also i find it funny that apollos like “Wait!! wait!! damnit, after him!”

and then you just. go back into the talk menu with Ema. bit of a moment killer, there.

-

“why does everything have to be so difficult with you?”

cause hes a prosecutor, apollo. thats just how it is on this bitch of an earth 

-

“the law is the law. placing personal feelings above it is beyond reprieve”

ah but placing religion above it is totally fine. gotcha yuts

-

“And the winner is... prosecutor Sahdmadi!”

helpful, athena

-

“it’s like he’s trying to cover something up with his pretty words!”

oh did you mean the inevitable reveal that he's actually a good guy and we have to forgive him for being a shitwad? 

-

oh wow. that joke post about sadmad developing generalized anxiety was actually based on a legit thing that happened 

is it ok if i hate him even more for it? i mean how did he figure it out? he didn’t let apollo use it in court so where would he have gained the knowledge? unless he knows about Thalassa’s abilities...

...also, how /is/ he doing this? the way Perceive works isn’t just “i can sense that you’re uncomfortable”, it’s that people who can use it have extremely good eye-sight and see tiny little movements in other people. If they’re smart about it, they can tell that the movements mean the enemy is lying. Apollo just happens to get tense when he notices this, most likely because he’s kind of straining his eyes.

But then again that brings up the fact that his power would act up CONSTANTLY, either because EVERYBODY FIDGETS, or Apollo himself could just be stressed and making the bracelet squeeze on its own.

So thanks, SOJ. Not content with ruining Apollo’s canon, you’ve also got to ruin his cool lawyer power. Gosh, you’re just the gift that keeps on giving, aren’t you? 

-

“Powerless in the face of the Holy Mother’s blessings”

SOJ team is now nicknamed the Holy Mother. Or possibly the Unholy Mother.

-

“Looks like your power won’t work against Sadmadhi. Guess we’ll have to try something else.”

“Yeah, let’s ask Dhurke...”

Yeah. Because you obviously don’t have someone with you RIGHT NOW who ALSo has a special power. You dont even have TWO POEPLE with you with a special power. Guess we’d better talk to the man who birthed this shiteater.

-

“I won against Mr. Wright”

yeah in a completely rigged trial where losing would be the worst option. thats not really something to brag about, you know.

-

“...doomed to be reborn as something lower than a bug or a vegetable”

you heard it here first folks Sadmad hates sustaining agriculture and the bees.

-

>Lang’s scrolls and dickfuckery

>Edgeworth’s by-the-bookishness

>Franziska’s catchphrase

>Blackquill’s backstory twist

These were the ingredients chosen to make the perfect prosecutor. But the SOJ writers accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: BAD WRITING 

THUS UNINSPIRED ASSHOLE WAS BORN!

-

apollo you don’t matter to anyone anymore youre getting the boot. do as your foster pop said when you were a drowning 5 y/o and suck those pussy baby tears back into your skull.

-

welp thats it for part one of investigation day 2. now (i think) we’re headed over to the delicious pandering of Phoenix and Edgeworth, back together. Will it bring me solace despite being an obvious ratings grab?

good god, i hope so.

till next time.

[derenyanai]

Ashes of the Old World Session Branch 13-B Part 1

Time: Sometime after Session 12 Characters: Zealous Terminator

Starting things off for the hell of it, Zealous, You're in Anxe, a city known for being really tall and built out of mostly towers, the excited comradery and celebration of the populace is fairly loud after the wierd spider invasion has been fought off recently in part thanks to your "friends" , Your "friends" are currently having to deal with tarnocks trial coming up, something about a guard going missing, as you might have been told by uncle ashara, either while he was drunk or slightly less drunk, either way you have free reign to explore, what do you do? 

"Hm, I wonder where everyone is at right now?" I wonder quietly as I step through a door, looking about himself to get an idea of what the whole place looks like at this time of the day. At this very moment, I felt like actually exploring the library for some books on famous wrestlers. Hopefully I can find some interesting lore.

The library is a dusty bastard, people with pointy hats and vaguely important looking educational based cloths filling these halls, probably from various schools and colleges, while not a large buidling its pretty sizable and presumably chock full of books on various subjects, >Roll some hot saucy Investigation check to look for your desired books

While few books you find have the term "Wrestler", You find atleast five in total revolving around arena games and pit fighting, One actually going into a specific biography about one of these participants in these games "Sexy Fred" detailing how sexy he was and the force at which he ripped opponents in two and danced beautifully after victory, two of the books have two different accounts by two seperate authors about the start of competive fighting stating there own home town as the start of it, contradicting each other atleast every respective chapter, The remaining two are ledgers holding lentghly lists of known "wrestlers" or "arena fighters"

"This sounds fun." I stated as I flipped through the pages, "This Sexy Fred sounds quite livid." After few minutes of reading into it, I had already begun to form ideas in my head. This... "arena games" and "pit fighting" sounds like something I should look into. I turn to the nearest coneheads which are also deemed as guardians of the library. "Hey, where can I find pit fights?" I ask.

The nearest conehead, A halfling with freckles all round thier face and bright orange hair almost going down to thier feet, confusidly looks to Zealous, she looks tired trying to determine if shes even awake after just glancing at him for a couple seconds, with the only immediate response being, "....what?"

"The pit fights, the arena gaming, the place where Sexy Fred fights at. Can you point the direction out to it for me, please?" I ask, growing mildly concerned for the exhausted ginger in front of me.

"...Finals coming up and I'm already hallucinating" The ginger halfing shakes her head, as if trying to disprove to herself that Zealous is even there "....And you're still there, Hello, sorry I don't....I don't know what your talking about, I don't know a fred, Is he a friend? I can check the ummmm...Lost and found....no thats....you can't put people in there, no"    The tragic lack of coffee in this time becomes violently apparant

"If you are taking history finals, you are failing it terribly, my young fair madame!" I shout at the librarian as I waved at her. "Sexy Fred is somewhat of a gladiator I hear. Never mind, is your elderly one or a supervisor around?"

"No they're at the college, they make me buy books they wrote and the libraray sells them here, 50 gp is fucking bullshit, course requires it too, they only reference ONE FUCKING PAGE, I just wanted to learn astrology dammit, The fuck is an algebra" Ginger Halfling has started crying

I sigh out of exasperation. I do not know why this young lady is telling me her troubles with school and finances. I just want directions to a pit fight, or an arena. "Right... I don't know what an algebra is either, but if it's important, you might as well learn it." I stroke my orange beard out of frustration. Right then, I might be best be off to find a place that sells or gives information about maps. Wait, I am at library. I slap my forehead and began to search for maps.

Yeah don't even roll for that, they got maps, theres even a large sign saying MAPS, at the reception desk

I pick up the map and began to look through them for locations of the pit fights and arena games. I am on a mission ladies and gents! Zealous Terminator is coming!

There is actually several in and around Anxe, Roughly Thirteen competing ones in the lower city tier, Three in the mid city tier and one large one in the highest tiers

Assuming I am already on the lower city tier... I am going to go ahead and visit one of the thirteen pit fights then work my way around from there. Hm, I wonder if I should be concerned with Tarnock's trial? I should be looking for evidences to help him break free. Oh well! TO THE PIT FIGHTS! 

I ran as far as my tiny little legs can take me.

The Richard Butter Slam, Is the fighting pit you come up to first, it looks a little bit in disrepair, wooden boards covering atleast two destroyed windows,

A small line out front, A bugbear with yellow spots, A father and his five children, An elf, and various more nameless npcs  large bouncers standing at the door 

I sure hope these bouncers don't recognize me. By their sizes, I should be able to slip by easily between their legs!

?????.....why are you worried about them reconizing zealous?

You'll never know if I need a code or password to get into the fight club.

(Look at this fuck forgeting the first rule of fight club) That has nothing to do with being reconized, but i suppose if you wanna slip in without being noticed by bouncer senpai you'll half to make a sleath check

The Bouncers notice Zealous-Kohai very shortly paying very little mind untill looks like hes doing a sneak , closing thier legs before he can walk underneath them "Hold it, where you think you're going?"

I look up and then chuckled uneasily, "Erm.... inside?" I said.

"If you watching get in back of the line, Or are you looking to get messed up?" The bouncer grunts

"Look at me and tell me what you think?" I point to my mask and my outfit, surely it is painstakingly obvious! "I am here to MESS someone up."

>Roll the better of intimidation or persuasion

"................" The bouncer is having the hardest time not laughing "You Serious??? HAHAHAHAHA" welp there he go, doing a laugh

Can I do a punch to make him change his mind?

Shit fam give a go >roll your attack

The bouncer is hit in such the right spot to spit out a whole Electrum piece, The other Bouncer is looking with concern "Lenny, We talked about this don't eat coins"

"No thats from....way back I don't.....look fucker just go in ow" Lenny bouncer grimaces

With a prideful grunt, I walk into the fight club! As upon entry, what do I see?

Zealous should be able to gaze upon, A bunch of chairs and tables filled with people, Surrounding a platform created by just having a bunch of crates pushed together, there is what looks like a fishing net at each side of the crate platform, This building clearly wasn't intended for this kind of activity but was makeshiftedly turned into it.

There is two people fighting inside the platform currently one with a club and the other punching him real hard, loud cheering from the crowd

I have urges rising inside me, warrior's blood boiling, screaming me to join in the fight. However... I think I am going to look around or hear anyone talk about this... "Sexy Fred". I walk about in the arena, also looking for something to eat. I am not just being here to revel in the fight, I am also here to eat food and pick up on the lead on the guy as well.

There is alot of Butter stands like selling whole sticks of butter, in The Richard Butter Slam arena, As well as barrels of ale, Bread stands, A stand deep frying bread using ale, wierd stuff

Hm, I think I am in mood for some Buttered toast and a glass of ale.

Costs about 12 copper in total, most of the price coming from the butter, its not very expensive down here and thats probably because everyone is poor as fuck

I SHALL TAKE THAT! Upon after purchasing them, of course. 

pffft, alright the conversion rate of gold to copper is 100 Cp per Gp, so...math that out, or just pretend its pennies to dollars if that helps. The stand (user) owner happily gives you your change and hands you your food

Nice! I grabbed dem food and then walked toward the table nearby and began to eat them as I watch the fight! I am totally secretly studying my next possible fighter's fighting techniques.

I'm just realizing zealous is probably the richest fucker in the room....Anyway! Yeah the two fighters are distributing a whole wallop to each other, While the club wielder have the clear damage advantage the fist fighter is moving around to dammed fast,making it hard to land anything on him, sliding around each swing and bopping the club wielder's nose, after a couple good snoot boops Club user finally collapses onto the platform, an announcer shouting, "Ohhhh! and thats another win for Legs Leviticus, The Club Conroy is going to be mad about that when he wakes up"

"END HIM!" I shout from the chair, shaking my fist violently as I spew butter and bread from my seat.

Legs makes his way to the end of the platform looking down at Zealous "What is with this....Sassy lost child?"

"I AM ZEALOUS TERMINATOR!" I shouted from the distance.

"Well you aint gonna be shit after I'm done with you" Legs motions upward with his thumb as if to challenge Zealous, Club is being picked up and dragged away by staff

"THAT'S A CHALLENGE I SMELL. I SHALL TAKE YOUR CHALLENGE!" I shout and charged toward the clearing, entering the ring by doing some sort of acrobatics for a dramatic entry.

Take a wild guess on what you're going to >Roll

You look like your about to make a glorious  amazing and majestic flip entry, Right up untill you hit into the fish nets you've apparantly completly fogotten about, Legs seems concerned motioning to where Club is being carried out, theres apparantly a small flap where in fighters enter and leave the platform

I hurriedly remove myself from the net to face the Legs more properly. I also make mental note that there's a small flap in case I should inspect it. "Alright, just... give me a second here." I muttered quietly as I attempt to get myself upright.

Task is simple enough not to require a roll, since the net is fixed to the crates and the cieling, There is very little way to get tangled, inless you break it

Nah, no need to break it. Anyway! I get into the clearing and face the Legs more properly. I size him up from the ground, assuming he probably got a huge size advantage on me?

Apparantly yes, standing 6 feet tall and having him some pointed ears, legs starts stretching his legs

I point up toward the Legs and shout out in a mighty prideful cry, "ARE YOU READY TO GO BACK TO YOUR MOMMY FOR SOME COOKIES AND MILK!?"

"SOMETIME LATER TODAY SURE, BUT NOT BEFORE I TEACH YOU SOME TABLE MANNERS" Legs exclaims stomping his legs onto the platform floor

"THEN GET SOME TABLES AND I'LL GLADLY ACCEPT YOUR LESSONS. TEACHERS NEEDS TO HAVE PROPER SUPPLIES TO TEACH THEIR STUDENTS!" I screamed at top of my lungs and proceed to grab at this man's legs.

Oh boy Combat start, Roll some crunchy Initiative, mostly just to determine who goes first

Good Shit, >roll athelics to grapple

The legs to fast to touch as they hop out the way of your grab attempt, His turn

Seeing you leaned over he reels one of his legs backward and strikes it forward, this misses, but shortly after his other legs comes trailing behind, but this has about the the same success, zealous turn

I tackle and wail on the remaining leg he has on the floor!

TO BE CONTINUED->