#on the surface it all is very believable and there is some valid information but be cautious

[freebooter4ever]

btw if anyone is watching the cold war documentary on ntflx? dont bother. lamo this is the dumbest doc i have seen in a while. it leaves out too much stuff, it presents things as true that are blatantly false if you give more information, and it states 'theories' as facts. some facts it just plain gets hilariously wrong. there is an agenda in this documentary that it isnt stating outright, that i am highly suspicious of, and i would be curious to know who is funding it.

[oatmealcrisp-freak]

It makes my heart ache that Penber starved Naomi of the validation she so rightly deserved so much that the second a freaking kid goes, "I think you're right" her eyes light up and she says, "Really? You mean that?" Honey... Oh honey...

She is a former FBI agent. He is a highschooler. LIKE.

Light's literally not even gassing her up. He's just acknowledging and respecting her intelligence and treating her like a goddamn person, and it has her practically over the moon enough to smile since probably the first time Penber died. She's being told that her deductions make sense. Her brain is worth something after all. Light's not lying when he tells her her theory could become central to the Kira case. It's literally the truth. He acknowledges this to himself. It's basic fact. And he treats it like such, and verbalizes that to her as such after a touch of light skepticism to see the strings she's connected. And she's all for it.

And she has indeed connected them. Every single one. Everything she's saying makes sense, but she's been so goddamn trained by Penber that she was very nearly resigned to not being believed. She's adamant to explain her conspiracy board piece by piece in person because she's so acutely aware of getting swept aside, but she still knows she's right, and that her deduction is important, and she overcomes that fear and goes anyway.

She is a careful, intelligent woman. She IS. All Light does is respect that and she's suddenly spilling fucking everything to a kid she doesn't know, who she knows is tied to the police, who she knows have a leak, who she knows her fiance was investigating. She plays some cards close to her chest but she's just so swept away by being believed for once that. Well. She dies.

Light very quickly falls into honeytrapping and using women as tools but based on this I wonder how much of it is his. I don't know. Headcanon territory alert but. Seeing a reflection of the self in them? IIRC he only does this to women who are blatantly attracted to him. He doesn't seek to use Naomi in any way. Manipulate her, yes, as she's a very real threat but she's also blatantly a person to him even before he learns how much she knows. I very well could be reaching, but I could see Light seeing people who are attracted to him and being disgusted by them. He knows he's attractive on the surface, but underneath...

Does Light see the world as rotting because he's viewing it through the lens of self? Ykno?

They see his face and swoon and suddenly it's like they don't seek to know him at all. He's effectively been a prop his whole life, a model 'good son', and he sees that he's become a prop to these people too. So, too, do they become props to him. He's serving his worth to them by just being there - it's practically reciprocal, and therefore the fair and right thing to do.

Light uses Misa. He's not kind to her. He uses Takada. He's really not all that kind to her either, though he's less blatant about it to her face for the most of it. He cheats on them with each other aaaaand literally doesn't care if they might be hurt. But he still trusts Takada to effectively become his second, and trusts Misa to information gather and write names and follow a plan outside his immediate supervision. He is a two-timing manipulative gaslighting bag of dicks who'd happily sell them to the devil for a corn chip, but I'm tempted to think that's because he knows their worth, their abilities, sees his need of them, and is therefore always keeping that in mind as he tries to seduce them sweetly to where he needs them to be. Light thinks women are easy as hell, his opinion of their intelligence is definitely a hand waggle at best but he still sees them. And honestly, he thinks everyone's intelligence is a hand waggle at best, and he thinks everybody is easy to manipulate, and he's, frankly, not always proven wrong. His dismissal is pretty sex-neutral. Women probably get singled out because statistically she's gonna be straight and therefore attracted to him and that's just another button he can mash. Looking at Mikami, I have no doubts he'd treat men who are interested in him in the same way.

Naomi, obviously, is not attracted to him in this way even though he's able to please her with almost excessive ease. Naomi therefore seems to retain her personhood in his mind. 'She's just a woman', yeah, he thinks to himself as he's freaking out and going over worst case scenarios where he might actually have to assault her. She's smaller than him. Her long hair means she has an easy handhold. He's not really figuring out that she could kick his ass before he can do so much as yelp... he still hesitates, doesn't go for it, and finds another way. He thinks to himself that she's too careful for him to successfully assault her even though she's 'just a woman'. People say he taunts her after she walks away to commit her suicide but I'm not so sure he is. He's ensuring his alibi publicly in every way he can, to anyone who happens to pass them by, to anyone who can see him smile, to anyone who can hear him and register his 'friendly' voice the moment he's not speaking so only Naomi can hear. Naomi is a threat. Naomi is careful. Naomi is very, very fucking smart. Light needs to ensure his victory as much as possible, and is acting to do this from every angle even as Naomi is in the grips of the Death Note's thrall because she's goddamn Naomi Misora.

And Light, though he's only met her very briefly, knows that. There is no way he didn't enjoy that cat and mouse game. Of course he revelled in his victory. She was an exceptional opponent who very nearly had him in checkmate several times in, like, the span of a half hour. L's been at this for months and he's never gotten as close to catching Kira as Naomi did lmao Him being giddy makes sense in that context.

Penber trusts Naomi enough to get him tea and keep house. He tells her as much to her face. All she is, is his fiance. That's all she's good for anymore - whatever her capability, whatever her intelligence, whatever her reputation 'before', they're now worthless. He'd never even think to try and manipulate her to make use of her blatant fucking intelligence because he literally doesn't see it. He dismisses her skills out of hand. What a waste. What a goddamn waste. If Naomi had been the one investigating Light, he'd be in custody before Ryuk even told him he was being stalked.

[lulu2992]

I’d like to (finally) talk about this interview with Mark Thompson, Narrative Director on Far Cry 4:

I love it when devs talk about their work because it’s always super interesting and informative! This video is no exception.

But what struck me most when I first saw the interview is what he says about Far Cry 3, a title he also worked on as a Level Design Director, which I believe means he was not (or barely) involved in the writing of the script. When he mentions what he thinks the issues with the game were and what had to be “fixed” in Far Cry 4, the thing is that... he often contradicts what Jeffrey Yohalem, Lead Writer on Far Cry 3, explained in various articles.

Under the cut, I highlighted some parts of Mark Thompson’s interview (in red) and compared them to Jeffrey Yohalem’s words (in blue, with the sources) so you can see how different their points of view are.

In this case, when it comes to the story and meaning of Far Cry 3, I’m inclined to give more credence to the Lead Writer’s explanations, but I think this example perfectly illustrates how even people who worked on the same project can have very different (and sometimes equally valid) opinions, understandings, and feelings about it, and why it can therefore be difficult for the audience to determine what the “truth” or the “right” interpretation is…

Open world vs story

MT: We ended up shipping a game where the open world had a lot of cool stuff, but it didn’t have a lot of depth or meaning, and it had almost no connection to what was happening in the story. And in fact, in some ways, the two were kind of opposed and they were kind of conflicting each other. So, on one hand, the story itself had this ticking time bomb of “I have these friends that I need to rescue, but holy sh*t, collecting plants, finding that next animal I need for the next upgrade, getting that next skill point… Oh, look, there’s a radio tower! Wait, wasn’t I heading to that outpost?” And then you’re like, “Oh yeah, sh*t, my friend Keith’s trapped in the basement, I should probably go rescue him… I’m a terrible friend.” That was my main goal: fix this sh*t and make sure that the story and the open world speak to each other, complement each other; strip everything down so that the story and the open world are the same thing and it’s the same game.

JY: People who have looked at the surface of the game think that the story and the game are at war with each other as they are in most games, with the story just plugging potholes and the gameplay is going along its merry way. I think it’s very exaggerated that, “Oh, go save the friends! Go save the friends!” but most people are out on the island doing all this other crazy stuff and experiencing the gameplay. And that’s actually the point of the story. It’s not a game about go save your friends. It’s a game about – doing a lot of picking skins from things, and wait, it’s just a pile of meat – this doesn’t even make sense, yet I’m still doing it instead of saving the friends. (Rock Paper Shotgun - Dec. 19, 2012)

The “white savior” trope

MT: We were definitely aware of some of the tropes that we fell into - unintentionally in some cases, intentionally in some - and (…) almost the first thing that we did was decide how we were gonna address the white savior trope, the outsider who comes in and helps simple people with his outsider’s kind of more advanced understanding of the world. (...) The first thing we said was, “This guy is from Kyrat, no matter what happens. That is the most important thing; he is part of this world, he belongs here.”

JY: “It’s a first-person game, and Jason is a 25-year old white guy from Los Angeles. From Hollywood. So his view of what’s going on on this island is his own view, and you happen to be looking through his eyes, so you’re seeing his view,” Yohalem explained. “It’s set on an island in the South Pacific, so immediately the thing that comes to mind is the white colonial trope, the Avatar trope. I started with that, and it’s like, ‘Here’s what pop culture thinks about traveling to a new place,’ and the funny thing is, that’s an exaggeration of most games, they just don’t expose it. (The Penny Arcade Report - Dec. 17, 2012)

JY: There’s a reason why Jason is a 25 year old white guy from Hollywood – these are all ideas that are in his head. You’re seeing things through his eyes. (...) It’s not that [Citra] needed a white saviour at all. She didn’t need a white guy at all. She was just looking for the ultimate warrior and someone to be her gun. (...) If this was about the white messiah motif, would I be so stupid as to have a main character’s nickname be Snow White? I’m making fun of that! (Rock Paper Shotgun - Dec. 19, 2012)

The player and the protagonist

MT: When we were doing the script review, almost immediately, the first thing we would do would be, “Okay, so how many lines does Ajay have? Okay, cut that by 75%”, and then we would review it and then cut out even more. Whenever possible, we would set up a scenario where we know or we think we know how players would react, and so we would remove the line that the character would actually say and then have the other person react to it. “Oh, you think that, do you?” - in that kind of way, so they’re like, “Oh f*ck, how did he know I was gonna say that?” Whereas, if the protagonist said that line, they’re like, “Oof, I wouldn’t have said that”, and then suddenly you’re kind of broken out of the experience. (…) When you’re in first-person, all you hear is this disconnected voice that might not be agreeing with what you’re doing. So, again, it’s just about stripping away those barriers of immersion so you can imagine yourself in this scenario.

JY: In Far Cry 3, Jason is a character and he’s not the player. The player is another character in the game. Sometimes Jason disagrees with the player, and sometimes Jason agrees with him. And the magic of that is that then it doesn’t matter! Basically, as long as the whole narrative is directed towards what the player is feeling—which for me is how videogames should be—then I get to target Jason as a resource where players can go: “I disagree with Jason.” And the player gets to convince Jason to do something else. So instead of trying to force the two of them together, I’ve decoupled them. (Killscreen - Dec. 12, 2012)

[urlocallesbiab]

happy pride month, folks! here's some headcanons for the ways the agency trio (+ amanda) relate to the queer community

* farah — did turn to trans-run websites for functional advice, especially on medication (she always double-checks any information she receives, doctors included), and occasionally for surface-level validation (it calms her a bit), but in general never talked to anyone and didn’t even spend too much time reading personal stories. she's been focused on being "normal", on passing well and being stealth, and on achieving her career goals. doesn't like pride parades but not for internalized queerphobia reasons, it's just that they are too loud, too crowded, and make her anxious. it has never ever occurred to her that she can have two lgbt identities and be a lesbian on top of being trans. now she is like a stumbling mentally ill baby deer being led along by all her friends and loved ones.

* todd - knows who he is, experiences neither shame nor pride on the matter, doesn't give much of a fuck. he experimented and screwed around in college, made friends with other lgbt students and musicians, but ultimately was focused more on his music and band than on the queer community (and its issues and plights), even tho these two overlap somewhat (punks are gay, obv). since the amanda fuckening and the loss of his sense of self, he had cut himself off from any possible communities irl and online, including the queer one. currently is slowly making peace with being in love with his best friend. not the kind of guy to know identities outside of "lgbt + nb + ace" and be on top of discourse, is the kind of guy to take enough water and some cereal bars to pride.

* dirk — has a very uneven, sporadic knowledge of all things queer caused by spontaneous falling down wikia rabbitholes. knows what "abrosexual" and "genderflux" means, doesn't know that bears aren't only animals. has a vague idea of who he is (possibly kind of a guy but also not really, pretty sure he likes other guys, not very keen on sex), but changes hyperspecific labels every month because he can't settle.

* amanda — was on tumblr as a teen and young adult, has seen it All, including some pretty unhinged discourse. knows her way around. over the years has progressed to a "you can do whatever you want forever, idgf" worldview, is a chaos queer. genuinely lives by "acab" and "be gay do crimes", believes in abolition of just about everything.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Spoiler for Jujutsu Kaisen

I'm sorry it's so long and looks like a vent post. I'm sorry for those of you who had great luck in avoiding Jujutsu Kaisen until now. With that, let me give some context before the assholery.

Jujutsu Kaisen has a breakout character, Gojo, he is unique, flawed, well written, well loved, overpowered, and the most misunderstood character in this series. He recently met his end in the most infuriating way possible. It was an unceremonious death, off screened, after the biggest most violent battle in the series. Before he was brutally offed with just meaningless exposition detailing how he was killed and him uncharacteristically justifying the death in an afterlife scene that's written to appease a large part of the fandom (shippers- he's gay coded, no waifu here). His death completely destroyed his legacy and the future of this manga.

Problem: This is a popular series with disproportionate numbers of haters, casual fans, fans who get their information from tiktok or fanworks instead of the manga, fans who did a surface level reading of it, opinionated fans who didn't read after a certain point but discuss every new chapter like they're experts, people who hate it because they compared it to their favorite series and Jujutsu Kaisen didn't go that way, people who harass the readers and wish bodily harm on the author for not conforming to FANON, the works.

Gojo was MIA for almost 3 years which made fanon takeover the fandom, when he came back the author was accused of mischaracterization and bad writing because he didn't match 3 years of fanon. Reiterating, I mean fanon not headcanon, the headcanons here are almost all fanon based too and you will get nasty anons if you say you dislike FANON or praise CANON but I believe in people's right to headcanon.

My relationship with this: I've been a fan since 2019, this character of Gojo resonated with me like no one did in my 20+ years in fandom, he is my specialest blorbo, his relationship with his best friend has moved me etc. I'm autistic and this is my special interest as well. Needless to say depression has hit me like a freight train.

MY problem: My friend of 7 years who's currently deeply into yuri and danmei, who shared many fandoms with me, has been through the thick and thins with me, has decided to make me an enemy. When the chapter came out he chatted with me sent his condolences. Then he in his own social medias started talking about how he knew it was going to be a bad series, how he's glad he quit after struggling through 50 chapters, made all the jokes in the world about this death, discussed every little thing he hated and mocked this with his other weeb friends who are like the people I mentioned in the Problem section, validated all their complaints based on their reading of the FANON. He has had many discussions with me about this manga and very rarely did he express any of this negativity.

My assholery: I got frustrated, it was like he wanted me to see how much he could hurt me. I messaged him saying, "Hey what are you saying here, that's not how this character is written. The chapter is bad but this criticism is baseless and in bad faith" He laughed it off, "It's not that deep, this is fiction." I argued that's a shallow thing to say, he said it should have been like FANON since that makes more sense. I said that's conventional writing I thought we wanted different things than the same old nice characters in found family and such.

Then I said something about his favorites and hypocrisy, he said he's not so into it that he couldn't take criticism. I said that was a lie he's always writing essays about those characters. I also said criticize it for the right reasons damn it. He kept denying his own love for his fave so he could keep criticizing mine, because he at least had the sense to not fall for a shounen series. I asked if he was enjoying hurting me. He said are you for real, get a grip and stop justifying your behavior for fiction, they won't giving you cookies for defending them, if you can't bear to see negativity then feel free to mute or block. I snapped and said this is why no one likes casual fans, you can't keep your mouth shut about things you don't know. Have fun with being a two faced friend to everyone. Then I blocked him everywhere.

Some of my friends said I should have muted him long ago, I said this was inevitable if he was just going to validate everyone in vicinity, he had to pick a side. Others said I was right to tell him off. I regret some of the comments I made now.

AITA for the way I handled it? He is right, I could have muted him, I could have not spent my time doomscrolling and seeing all the bad takes he agreed with. I could have waited it out and not dropped an old friend over fiction. I could have done many things.

Please don't comment about touching grass, that's the least helpful thing anyone can say on blorbo the website. It's not a real advice we all know that. Therapy is also there for the depression and it will take years for me to get over the death, you don't need to remind me.

What are these acronyms?

[rudjedet]

Lmk if I'm the one misinterpreting, but people really cannot seem to grasp "a primary source is a primary source regardless of whether it's factual" as soon as the word Bible is mentioned.

If it was written at x time period, about x time period, it's a primary source for x time period. Is it an accurate source? That's a completely different question.

It isn't impacted at all by whether it's accurate, or as anon said, ~made up to control the masses~. It'd still be a primary source. An accurate one? Can the information also be obtained from another source? That has nothing to do with being a primary source, and information that can be verified by multiple sources is a good thing.

If an eyewitness completely misremembered an incident, it would still be an eyewitness testimony. An eyewitness testimony isn't an omnipresent screenshot of the exact instance, it's what a person who was there says happened.

And I'm not in this sort of field at all, but my understanding is that half the historical significance of the Bible is what the people then might've believed- which it's true they believed whether the info itself is true or not, either way. And there's no benefit to being all condescending and "oh, all their beliefs were BS For Sure" when talking about it academically.

If a primary source was a diary from the Salem Witch Trials talking about how evil witches are and need to be burned, it wouldn't be a Definitely Accurate And True text about how women are going to hell if they can swim just because the author said so, it would be a primary source about the Salem Witch Trials. Those are entirely different properties. It would have information on what they did to the 'witches', why they did it, what they thought about them, the tensions that provoked this, the motives, the propaganda, etc.

You wouldn't have to believe they deserved it or were really witches to get this information from the diary. It might even be a diary entry about framing someone for being a witch or someone worried they are a witch, would still be a primary source!

Again using that anon's argument as an example, even if it was only existent for manipulation, that's still a primary source of what the manipulation material was.

Did I understand right?

Yes, you're correct, with the addendum that the Bible does contain some valid historical information, including events, individuals, etc. that we have been able to corroborate with other sources. But the whole "is it factual" this anon specifically touted isn't even the correct question to start from. As you say: "Is it an accurate source? That's a completely different question." And this kind of nuance definitely goes out of the window when it's the Bible under discussion. It's a kneejerk, plain and simple, and a fucking aggravating one to boot.

Ironically, the people who think the Bible is an utterly valueless conglomeration of lies and falsehoods with not a shred of historical background far outnumber the people who believe the Bible is completely factual. Most theists who go in that direction are quite aware that the Bible was, in fact, never even meant to be taken totally literal and they do not make a secret of that. There's a vocal but very small minority that likes to claim a fact rate of a 100%, sure -- still a lot less people than those who think it's all nonsense. Because if you look at the tags left by people who on the surface agree with the basic premise of the original post, more than half of them use language that indicate they still consider the Bible a work of fiction. This just tells me they're largely ignorant of the actual range of the texts, and operate on the notion that "the gospels == Bible" (which, even if that were true, the gospels do also count as historical documents and not as "fiction").

So when I say the particular brand of kneejerking anti-theist that rages against the concept of the Bible as a primary source is the worse of the two, I mean it. And I say this with full cognisance of the existence of religious trauma and oppression. This attitude is simply so pervasive that people just... idk, they're blinded. It's an annoyance, which is why I made that post in the first place.

The point remains that absolutely nothing changes the fact that the Bible is a historical document and a primary source, and because of that can be used in historical research in an absolute multitude of ways. You can hate the Bible for your personal reasons, I don't care. But you can't go around claiming it's something it is not, and you certainly cannot expect historians to go "eh, guess we're not using this then". Because that's absolutely daft and quite frankly on the verge of anti-intellectualism.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi mbti-notes, an INTP here. Lately I have encountered a situation which I couldn’t determine whether it is Ne indulgence and I lose track of my introverted functions or if there are other issues behind the surface. I think it would be better to receive some comment on it and I wish you could help.

I have been concentrating myself on academic results more than I used to, I think it is partly out of the urge to strive for a better future, another part of it is that I feel like I cannot fall behind my classmates as I don’t want to seem incompetent to the people around me. This idea grew stronger after my mother claimed that I would end up being a useless member of society because I didn’t have a “proper” attitude towards my academic results. I could be taking her words too seriously but I keep thinking I should prove her wrong. When there’s a task I could mimic an unhealthy ENTJ unconsciously and temporarily. I become hasty, impatient, judgemental, I overlook details so I can get thing done within the least possible amount of time, shut away the monologue I always have in my mind to focus on what I’m doing, disregard others’ opinion because I think my idea is the best. I read theories that a person could act like their shadow when they are stressful, it seems like what I experienced.

At the same time, I spent a lot of energy on socialising with my classmates. I enjoy it at some point, they are interesting people and I think I should pay more attention to them, but when I got time to reflect alone afterwards, I feel fatigued by all the social interactions. After I returned home, all that I am left with is tiredness and I don’t want to speak with anyone anymore, every single sound I hear could frustrate me even if they are simply words of care. I feel a need for rest, but when I do rest I binge watch repetitive Mary Sue stories that pop up on my social media feeds. I know they do not convey deeper meanings, but I am becoming addicted to these meaningless stories that do not require any true thoughts to process and I could shut down my mind.

I believed I maintained a good work-life balance, and this is a good way of life I should continue, but now as I took advice from my friend and spend time on long novels I could truly enter a flow state within, I think I actually overemphasised on external validation and failed to see what I really needed. Returning to the original question, it seemed like I was escaping reality with unhealthy Ne that keeps me wasting time on unproductive things, exploiting my energy to seek out ‘new’ information that are actually repetitive and superficial, forcing myself to open up Fe even when I actually wanted space for myself; but I am not entirely sure about my statement. Thanks for your time and effort, any insights that could be drawn from it are appreciated.

-----------------------

Generally speaking, if you believe you're experiencing Fe grip in part because of misusing Ne, then you ought to develop Ne and learn to use it more appropriately, consult the Type Dev Guide.

It seems you are always being pulled around by things outside you, such as your mother, your friends, or those mary sue stories. What does that mean? Perhaps it means you have little substance and you use those things as a poor substitute. You are like a leaf being blown around by the wind, with no control over where you go.

The remedy to being driven only by extrinsic factors is to nurture intrinsic motivation. Who are you really? What do you really want out of life? What are your values? What do you stand for? What do you have to offer? What about you matters? What greater aspirations or ideals do you commit yourself to? If you can't answer any of these questions, it means you haven't gotten very far in development and, as a result, don't have any meaningful direction or purpose in life. When you have no real identity as a person, how can you be anything but an easy victim of circumstance?

If you want to take more control over life and have a better sense of direction, then start by committing yourself to more meaningful activities, especially activities that would allow you to make the best use of the gifts you've been granted. Yes, there is a difference between "rest" and "escape". You speak as though you have no control over those repetitive activities, but you made the choice to do them, and you're now starting to realize that the "reward" is actually harmful to you. You could choose better activities instead. To realize more of your potential and grow as a person often involves giving up immediate gratification for a greater goal and making tough decisions about how best to spend your time.

[petruchio]

My boyfriend is still friends with his ex and ngl it makes me really uncomfortable. What confused me initially is that my feelings of jealousy don't come from a place of distrust, I've done the work and have figured out where these feelings stem from and I don't think anything will happen and I do feel I am the priority. I've mentioned to him in the past that it makes me feel uncomfortable when he brings her up and he agreed he brings her up too much and stopped for the most part. What's really getting me this evening is he's flying home tomorrow and is going to see her for lunch. As I said, I feel secure and wholeheartedly believe nothing will happen, but it still makes me feel icky. And that icky feeling is an unpleasant one to have. I know the mature thing would be to communicate this to him, but I also don't want to be that girl that says I don't want you seeing this person.

oof. this is tough one. i totally hear you on not wanting to be “that girl” who says you can’t see your ex, but i also think your feeling of being a little weirded out is valid!! i don’t think anyone here is necessarily in the wrong — especially depending on how the relationship ended. it’s (in my opinion) totally valid to stay friends with an ex if there’s no bad blood. but that doesn’t mean that you, as the current partner, aren’t allowed to feel some type of way about it.

i guess what it comes down to is a few things: first of all, i think it’s a green flag that when you communicated a boundary (i don’t like it when you talk about her) he did respect it! because i feel like a lot of times, feelings like this come from a deeper place than what the surface level disagreement might be. usually it comes down to people not respecting boundaries, but in this case, you set one and he respected it and actually agreed to it which seems like a good thing (based on the information in your message!!)

so i think in the case of the lunch thing, it’s probably too late to say anything now (you said it’s happening tomorrow and he’s leaving) but maybe it’s worth having a conversation afterward? and you don’t necessarily have to have it be like “i never want you to see her again, you’re a bad person, etc etc” but i think you’ve already identified that the healthy, mature response would be to communicate. well… you’re right! so why not try just having that conversation? you could lead into it from a place of “hey, i trust you completely and i really appreciated it when you respected my request that you bring up your ex less. to be honest, i got a bit of a weird feeling when you guys went to lunch, and it’s not coming from a place of mistrust, but i just wanted to tell you i felt a bit weird about it” and then see what he says? because he might agree, like he agreed about the bringing her up thing, or he might say oh we were catching up on home stuff because we’re each others main home friends, or honestly something else that i have no way of guessing. but he won’t know how you feel unless you say something, and it would probably be better to get it out in the open between you to than letting it fester and build resentment.

and that’s not the same as banning him from seeing her outright! it’s just letting him know how you felt. you can even be as honest as you were in this message and say these same things: i don’t want to be the kind of person who bans you from seeing her, but i just wanted to communicate my feelings about it. and his reaction to that, i think, will be very telling as to how much he values you and cares about your level of comfort and trust in the relationship. and hopefully that will lead to a conversation that can help you guys come to a solution that works for all of you.

sending you lots of love and courage!! these conversations are hard. it’s always easier to bottle it up and not make waves. but i think in a situation like this, it’s worth saying something. it’s not about setting rules on the other person in the relationship, it’s just about getting those feelings out there and then deciding how to proceed together, in a way that feels healthy and safe and loving for both of you. i believe in you!!!!

[studioempirah]

#1

For most of our perception of dinosaurs, their relation to lizards has typically been their most heightened trait. Up until the 1970’s or so, dinosaurs largely resembled giant lizards. Scaley, somewhat slow moving, not extraordinarily intelligent. For this reason, lips were not necessarily a point of concern back in the day. The easy solution was to look at modern day lizards, and apply their traits to blank spaces on the extinct ancestors. But how valid was this? Did it produce any traits that we still actually agree with? And where am I going with this? Well, the act of applying modern day attributes to animals of the past, is quite hit or miss. Ironically, except for lips. Specifically on T. Rex. According to many articles, one of them being (https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/t-rex-had-lips-that-concealed-its-teeth-study-says-180981914/), there’s is much evidence to support the notion that the enamel of T Rex’s teeth are far too preserved and abundant than it would have been if its teeth were exposed. According to this article,

“They realized that the tooth’s enamel lacked significant wear—had the dinosaur’s tooth been exposed to dry air in a lip-free mouth, its enamel would have been more degraded, scientists say.

After all, crocodilian teeth suffer lots of damage due to their lack of protection from lip-like tissue”.

It was thought that its teeth were too big for them to be concealed in its mouth, and thus should be sticking out similar to how they are in Jurassic park. This is where the lizard like traits from the past come in handy; this lip trait is actually very common in lizards. Like Komodo dragons for instance. You can’t really see them too well with the naked eye. But they’re similar to how they were with theropod Dinosaurs; larger than we’d expect them to be. If Komodo dragons were extinct and we found fossils of them, it’s fairly likely that for an unknown amount of time, we’d expect their teeth to be very visible on the outside. Poking out, somewhat confused on where to go that won’t puncture the animal itself. But in terms of self preservation itself, lips over these teeth make perfect sense. It protects them from being subjected to disease, and tooth decay. Which is paramount in deciding whether a giant animal like T. rex is successful. This is fairly old news, but there are always detractors who are quick to refuse such new information. This article uses purely logic and evidence to guide us through its ideas, but of course is a surface level viewpoint. If it was the actual paper itself, which is somewhat hard to get a hold of in my experience, it would go far deeper into it I believe. But this is good for now. Luckily there is no emotion attached to the information displayed here, purely logic. Logos. Very sharp. It’s easier to convince people when you’re straight about it. Science is a field that typically shouldn’t be mixed in with human emotional stipulation, but there are some exceptions…anyways, dinosaurs? Mm, yes.

One last thing, bias against Jurassic park is strangely obnoxious to me now as an adult. This film was actually fairly accurate back in 1993, with liberties only taken really on the Dilo, and the naming of what should be Deinonychus, or even Velociraptor Antiropus. Instead being the plain “velociraptor” name, which would lead many to believe this was actually velociraptor Mongoliensis. That confusion would then lead the very filmmakers themselves to mistakenly label the raptors as mongoliensis in the canon. Apart from simple design choices for the sake of style, Jurassic Park was a somewhat safe, but visionary and stylistic forward thinking portrayal of Dinosaurs in the 90s. Bias for ultra bird looking dinosaurs, and ultra lizard like dinosaurs, is a constant in this field.

[remembering-the-future]

October 09 2023 at 06:59PM

Title: Unveiling the Astonishing Historical Discovery: The Ancient Underwater City of Atlantis Greetings, fellow history enthusiasts! Today, we are about to embark on a mind-boggling journey through time and space, as we delve into the mysterious depths of the ocean to uncover the long-lost city of Atlantis. Brace yourselves for a revelation that will shake the very foundations of our understanding of ancient civilizations! For centuries, scholars and explorers have been captivated by the enigmatic tales of Atlantis. Many have speculated about its existence, but few have dared to predict its precise location or the incredible wonders it holds. Well, my dear readers, I am here to change that! Through extensive research and a series of vivid dreams, I have managed to piece together a rather peculiar puzzle that will lead us straight to Atlantis. Are you ready? Here we go! Firstly, forget everything you think you know about Atlantis being a sunken city. Oh no, my friends, that is far too ordinary! My sources indicate that Atlantis is not submerged but rather suspended in mid-air, hovering just above the ocean's surface. Yes, you heard it right! A floating city, defying gravity and all known laws of physics. Now, let's talk about its inhabitants. Contrary to popular belief, the Atlanteans were not humans but a race of highly intelligent, talking dolphins. Yes, dolphins! These aquatic intellectuals built their city using a combination of coral, seaweed, and advanced dolphin technology. They even had a complex system of underwater highways, complete with traffic lights exclusively designed for marine creatures. The Atlanteans were known for their peculiar fashion sense as well. They adorned themselves with extravagant seashell jewelry and wore seaweed garments that changed color depending on their mood. Oh, what a sight it must have been to witness these fashionable dolphins gliding through the underwater streets of Atlantis! Now, let's address the most crucial aspect: the purpose of Atlantis. Contrary to popular belief, it was not a utopian society or a center of advanced knowledge. No, my dear readers, Atlantis was, in fact, a massive underwater amusement park! Yes, you heard it right! The Atlanteans built this extraordinary city solely for the purpose of entertaining themselves and visitors from other realms. The amusement park featured thrilling rides such as the "Neptune's Fury," a roller coaster that plunged into the depths of the ocean, and the "Dolphin Dash," a high-speed water slide that looped around the city's skyscrapers. It even had an underwater circus where dolphins performed daring acrobatic stunts and synchronized swimming routines. Alas, dear readers, this is where my predictions falter. While I am confident in the existence of Atlantis, the exact location remains a mystery. Some say it lies hidden beneath the Bermuda Triangle, while others believe it is nestled within the depths of the Mariana Trench. Only time will tell if we can uncover this magnificent city and experience the wonders it holds. So, my fellow adventurers, let us embark on this fantastical quest to find Atlantis, armed with our imaginations and a healthy dose of skepticism. Who knows what other astonishing discoveries await us in the vast expanse of our planet's history? Until then, keep your eyes on the horizon and your fins ready for the adventure of a lifetime! Disclaimer: The author of this blog post does not take any responsibility for the accuracy or validity of the information presented. This article is purely speculative and intended for entertainment purposes only. Dive into the world of Atlantis at your own risk!

[ironmanstan]

Hmmm Reva star war. Is interesting. I keep seeing ppl dislike her either bc ppl are racist, or bc they see her as embodying stereotypes and just being the typical "ah we have a dark skinned black woman who's bad so she's the angry black woman stereotype" and like. I think the second one is founded and does have a valid point and should be acknowledged that no matter how well it's done it's very Choice that she's one of the few prominent black characters and she was made a villain, but I think both of these opinions on her so far are kinda reductive and overlook her as a character which to me is also an issue.

Like, I am black I'm afab I'm not a woman but I am a woc per society etc etc I'm not talking out of my ass rn. But like. I think very baseline as she stands she very well could go in the direction of being an angry black woman stereotype, but I think with how the show has set up her character, to me it reads like she's actually being set to be explored as a character and as a person she's shown to be more driven/emotionally invested in a lot of whats going on because she's looked down on and struggles to be recognized because of that and she has wants outside of this that she needs recognition for, no matter what it takes to get it. It right now looks like she wants power/status but I feel like the implication is she wants more? Reva was a child when Order 66 happened and with that knowledge alone her character could go on such an interesting path and we've not even seen her past yet. Compared to the other inquisitors she's aggressive and willing and ready to fight but at the same time with the way she's written I don't really believe she's written this way in order to reduce her to just aggressive and crazy and angry for the sake of it and it being doubled down on by playing into her blackness. With how she's contrasted against the other inquisitors as actually caring about her job and getting results but having her credit stolen and her having to be this hardened person to be even slightly recognized, to me personally I kind of enjoyed it in how it felt similar to the way black women always have to over-compensate and go further than everyone else just to hope to get the same privileges and recognition they do (even though majority of the time they still don't get them) and Reva doing this and being fed up with it and even killing the head Inquisitor, it felt kind of satisfying to me, her having to overcompensate and do all this and then seeing it results in nothing, and instead of laying down and being okay with being taken advantage of, she kills the guy who's taking her credit.

I don't know... The way I see it I think if Reva's character was any other race or just A White Girl she'd be applauded for being this girlboss character not letting men take advantage and step all over her and being driven and knowing what she wants, and I know her blackness informs the perception and intention behind her character but I don't think her character should be discarded for being surface level similar to a stereotype. I think the stereotype is a lot of the times based on/informed by the way black women have to harden themselves and deal with all of the shit society throws at them and do the absolute fucking most to get what they want rather than babying white ppls feelings and allowing themselves to be stepped on, and Reva at this point in time reads like that to me rather than a caricature of black femininity. She very well Could Go Off The Rails and I will be Very Upset if she does, but I think she's shown some interesting character details and has a lot of potential to go in a good direction.

I think another interesting thing that kind of steps away from this and may be me very much overthinking is just the way her design is. Typically I think this like caricature of black women is accompanied by fetishization, or dehumanization, or both. The framing of "Oh this scary, wild black woman with crazy ugly hair and animal-like (or even man-like if they wanna be extra transphobic/misogynistic) features." Or "Oh this aggressive, obsessive, overly sexual crazed concept of a mindless lustful black woman". But Reva isn't either of these, even in a subtle way. I kind of love her design I love she has natural hair done in cornrows I love she has a very blatantly black hairstyle and it's given to her where it meshes with the inquisitor uniform to give her a very graceful and powerful look. I love that she's feminine and her style kind of leans into that even with her fighting style and her being acrobatic and somewhat relying on more graceful maneuvers instead of strong-arming through everything I enjoy she's a black woman allowed to be even in slight ways feminine and graceful when that's not something usually seen at all.

Do I think her being a main villain is probably racially motivated no matter how well she's written? Yeah Lmfao. Either that or it's due to more ignorance I'm willing to assume of anyone working on this show. Do I think she drifts very close perhaps even uncomfortably close to a stereotype? Yeah, esp w how star wars fans can be *cough* stupid as fuck and racist and will blatantly misinterpret her as said stereotype no matter what *cough cough*. Do I think she is irrideemable bad rep, and a racist portrayal of black women? See above, not at this point but time will tell.

U can rb n comment or reply in tags n wtvr do not think u should add on to my post unless ur black tho lmao

[istj-hedonist]

i’m really intrigued by this “visual typing” or typing by physical attributes concept that i’ve seen you talk about on your page, even if i don’t fully believe in it’s validity. is there a place where i could find the “physical trait profiles” for the MBTI and enneagram types / instinct stacks ? it’s a very intriguing idea. i am curious about what type i “look like.” do you think these things to be definitive, one-size-fits-all, and 1 to 1 or do you simply find them a fun or interesting aspect of typology to explore ?

"is there a place where i could find the “physical trait profiles"

aside from the random incomplete posts on my blog? no, not that i know of. i've been thinking about collecting a public database but that wouldn't earn me money so realistically will never happen.

"i am curious about what type i “look like.”"

well post some passport-style neutral pictures of yourself and i will let you know

"do you think these things to be definitive, one-size-fits-all"

yes and no. i truly believe that visual typing is -the- one and only correct way of typing someone and can be done with a much higher accuracy and less bias than any personality test or behavioral analysis. as i've mentioned plenty of times before though there are of course caveats; plastic surgery being the most obvious, that's why when typing celebs i usually try to find older pre-surgery photos of them. and of course it can only be used to type real existing people and not like e.g. anime characters which makes it uninteresting to many typology fans.

but i don't think -i- found all the visual clues yet and so far we've been only scratching the surface. also several older posts i made contain outdated information and i cringe every time people reblog those. i'd should probably delete those but i'm too lazy...

[unkledeath]

Tagged by the very lovely @dandelion-bride, very excited to do this!

Ezra Deschain, high half-elf bard/warlock. (College of Shadows, natch, but he spent most of it doing keg stands and charming fellow students, so his major isn't super important.) Current surface-level profession is professional musician and rabble-rouser, actual job is information broker/blackmailer/professional life-ruiner. Current chosen of Vecna, as well as holder of his eye!

2. Pre-BG3, he's neutral evil. He's happy to fuck up people's lives in the service of an evil god because from his point of view, most of the deserve it anyway - and even if they don't, he doesn't really care because this is working for him. He gets along well enough with Gortash at the start because he's also fucking over the aristocracy that Ezra hates, but he starts to change his mind once he begins to put the pieces together that his erstwhile business partner and bang buddy is following Bane. It's actually Gorty's status as Bane's chosen that makes Ezra turn heel on him to begin with, because while he's evil too, he still believes in people's right to fuck up their own lives first. (See that famous comic panel of the Joker turning against the Red Skull for an idea of how this worked out.)

In a funny way it's Gortash that ultimately starts Ezra on the path towards, if not good, then at least slightly better. Because no matter how nasty your lich-lord is, brains in jars and bombs in teddy bears is probably gonna give you some sort of pause.

3. Ezra follows Vecna, god of secrets, and is in fact his chosen! Gortash uncovers this during their time working together, and seeks to use it to his advantage; after all, what's more useful to the god of tyranny than someone who knows the secrets at the heart of all mortal things? Since Vecna is a much weaker god than Bane, Gortash figures it'll be an easy enough task to lasso him into his complete subservience. (He assumes wrongly, granted, but you can't fault the guy for thinking it.)

4. Ezra met Gortash looooooong before an alliance for anything was ever proposed. He served him as an information broker for a year prior to the events of BG3, and when he was first approached by Gort for his services, his initial thoughts were: "Oh, you look like fun."

And he was! For a time. For the first few months of their union, Ezra found him good enough fun, and more than good enough pay. The attraction was immediate and strong, and more importantly, he thought he had the upper hand. (He didn't, but we'll get there.)

5. The two of them first made their connection while Gortash was still making his bid for archduke. As someone with a wealth of insider information on the nobility, Ezra was perfectly-placed to help, and was hired on to help him in his ascension. Their professional relationship turned quickly to a personal one as well, and the pair soon gave validity to the old saying that politics makes for strange bedfellows.

Gortash initially saw a pretty face and a wealth of information in Ezra. He didn't value him beyond the fact that he was hot, but that was enough to keep them going for several months before he started to dig into the reason why this funny little bard seemed so interested in him. Beyond being a useful tea-gatherer and political advisor, Gortash mostly sees him as an attractive sidepiece.

Ezra saw Gortash as a way to fund his vices at first. He quickly rose from sugar daddy to a way to score brownie points with Vecna, as having a more powerful god's chosen on a leash would most likely mean his lich lord's future ascendancy. (Also, he thought Gorty was pretty hot. Not as hot as he was, but still hot.)

6. MmmmMMMMM. Not good. A month prior to the events of BG3, Gortash finally lost his patience with Ezra and used a mindflayer tadpole on him similar to the one he'd used on his own parents, because fuck you, I'm the most powerful one in our godly dick-measuring contest. After dumping him in the woods with most of his memories gone or altered, he waited to see what would happen.

And one of two things happens:

A. The mostly positive route! Ezra recovers his memories over the course of the game, and when the time comes to confront Gortash at Wyrm's Rock, he has the presence of mind to realize what he's done. Our bard friend has had a profound reorganization of priorities, and kills his scumbag ex-boyfriend in the name of doing right by others for a change.

or

B. Oh god oh gee oh fuck. Ezra doesn't recover most of his memories and goes back to Wyrm's Rock thinking that Gortash loved him and he needs to make amends. He makes amends by having Gortash lobotomize him via tadpole and kill/hurt most of his party members. Ezra is repurposed into an automaton by the name of Songbird, whose high charisma and godly powers are used by DJ MC Gorty Gort to charm the populace of Faerun as he pushes to become God-Emperor of All Toril. (For appropriate vibes, listen to Hatsune Miku's "This is the Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee.")

I think most of my friends have already been tagged, so...If you've got a Tavtash ship, this is your open invitation to share this. I'm tagging you!

TavTash Tag Game

@bearhugsandshrugs post about the very small TavTash community inspired me to make this: I want to learn more about you and your Tavs!

Tell us a bit about your Tav! 

What alignment is your Tav? How does that align or clash with Gortash? Do they agree with him morally?

What God does your Tav follow? Is Gortash's position as Bane's chosen an issue? 

What did your Tav think of Gortash when they first met? Did they take his offer of an alliance? 

How did Gortash and your Tav get together? What do they see in each other? 

What does the future hold for your Tav and Gortash? Are they in a relationship, a one time thing, are they going to rule the sword coast together or kill each other in a tragic showdown?

I tag @bearhugsandshrugs, @avani-telvanni and @nyda-the-tav, plus any Tavtashers who see this!

[m42-fr]

Here’s my Lore Post™ on various types of common currency around Sorneith! Note that this covers only major forms of currency that can be found broadly throughout their territories of origin, or are otherwise culturally relevant in some way. This post does not include forms of currency that may exist between individual clans. If you happen to find that any of this worldbuilding goes well with your lore, feel free to use it so long as you credit me somewhere for the idea!

And, of course, a mandatory disclaimer: the names and lore of these currencies comes from my own head (and a random name generator). Any resemblance to anything from the real world is unintentional.

Vahrani (vah-RAH-nee) are small bronze coins that originate from the Ashfall Waste. Thanks to the Flamecaller’s ceaseless forges, vahrani are the most common and well-established metal-based currency in the world - and, in fact, are the most well-established currency in the world, period. Trade with the neighboring Windswept Plateau, which exports the products of Fire’s industry to every technologically developing region on the continent, has spread Ashfall coinage far and wide.

Most vahrani have been in circulation for decades, their surfaces oxidized completely teal-black. Pristine, metallic vahrani, either newly-minted or freshly polished, are considered a status symbol by some, but certain dragons may refuse to accept them as payment for fear that they have been recently (and illegally) forged. Vahrani jewelry makes use of the holes at their corners, stringing them together into necklaces, earrings, and other forms of decoration. In a pinch, vahrani can even be tiled together to create makeshift armor. 

Vahrani come in units of one, five, and ten. These coins bear an identical picture of the Flamecaller on one side and have a number inscribed on the other, which indicates their worth. The runoff copper from the creation of vahrani bronze is pulled into small lumps and stamped with the sigil of Fire while the metal is still hot, creating small, misshapen coins called vasi - or, in common slang, slag - each worth a tenth of a vahrani. Vasi are not nearly as widespread as vahrani, but they make up the majority of the payroll for poorer dragons within the Ashfall Waste.

--

Suuram (SOOH-ram) are long, paper-thin copper chits used as currency within the southwestern Shifting Expanse. The very first suuram were copper wires that had been pounded into rough rectangular shapes, but modern suuram are machine-punched from massive metal sheets, ensuring an incredibly consistent size and weight. The asymmetrical pattern of crescent holes at their edges is meant only to distinguish them from simple copper pieces. In practice, the holes are often used to hold chains of coins together with cord or metal clips.

There is only one value of a suuram piece. Rather than create different coins with higher values, dragons exploit the extreme thinness of suuram sheets by packing pieces into small containers; informal higher-value units consist of rectangular boxes holding a carefully-counted number of coins. Carrying around large blocks of copper sheets can become awfully inconvenient, so five-and-ten vahrani pieces have become a popular alternative currency in the Expanse. Suuram are used mostly as pocket change. 

Due to the relative geographic isolation of the far coast of the Stormcatcher’s territory, suuram are not particularly popular outside of the Shifting Expanse, and lack traction everywhere past the Charged Barrens. However, suuram are acknowledged as a valid currency in every territory with flourishing trade and worldwide connections, including the Ashfall Waste, Windswept Plateau, Sunbeam Ruins, Tangled Wood, Starfall Isles, and Dragonhome. 

The northeastern region of the Shifting Expanse is home to independent scavenger-clans who have little need for formalized currency. Rather than conducting trade with stand-ins like coins, they prefer to directly exchange goods and services, determining the value of each with every new trade. That being said, they do occasionally make use of a form of unregulated, low-value currency, colloquially known as scrap.

Scrap refers to any collection of relatively small, portable, usually worn-down and otherwise useless metal chunks - rusty nails, old gears that don’t fit anywhere, spare nuts and bolts found half-buried in the sand, weathered iron spring-coils and copper wires, and so on. While scrap has no immediate survival value, it serves much the same purpose of currency in that it acts as a metaphorical stand-in for something that is of value, and can be exchanged with others for goods and services. Scrap is considered a valid currency within the northern Expanse, although it is often looked down upon as a ‘primitive’ coin in the more technologically developed regions around Goldensparc and the Lightning Farm. 

--

Paxa (PACKS-uh) are hand-carved wooden chits infused with sparks of magic that keep them pristine even under the worst of abuse. Native to the Sunbeam Ruins, paxa owe their remarkably high value to the painstaking process of crafting them. Each coin is hand-carved to impossible standards of consistency, stained a beautiful deep ebony, and protected from damage with ancient Light artefact-preservation magicks. Their magical ‘fingerprint’ is nearly impossible to fake, which guards them from forgeries. The secret to creating paxa is zealously guarded by a handful of dragons who have dedicated their lives to the craft.

Paxa are a universally recognized coin, spread throughout the world by Light’s investment in research as well as their inherent value. Future-minded dragons convert their retirement savings into paxa, knowing that unlike many other currencies, the tight control on paxa production ensures that their value remains constant. Paxa is also the coin of choice for most illegal operations in Sorneith thanks to their high value and their impossibility to falsify. 

The average working-class dragon, even in the Ruins, will struggle to get their talons on any significant amount of paxa. Paxa are used to facilitate expensive transactions, and as such are favored by merchants, the wealthy, and the criminal; throughout most of the Sunbeam Ruins, workers are paid in vahrani, with the occasional handful of suuram thrown in for variety.

--

The origin of wek-ya, (WEK-yuh) Shadow’s mercurial coinage, is shrouded in mystery. Nobody knows when or where the first wek-ya were made - and, in fact, nobody knows how to make wek-ya at all. Ambitious blacksmiths who try their hand at smelting some are invariably struck with tides of bad luck that force them to close shop. And, moreover, the Tangled Wood can hardly be said to have an established government, so the presence of such a widespread and standardized currency is a curiosity in and of itself.

Wek-ya are crafted of pure silver, or something that resembles it. Each coin has two unique patterns - one to either side - that depict an incredibly broad array of subjects. The most common motifs are crescent moons, mushrooms, thorns, and dancing dragon figures, but there have been wek-ya known to picture oddly specific situations, such as trees being struck by lightning, rats climbing atop bookshelves, and draconic silhouettes that bear a strange resemblance to the viewer in the midst of suffering some catastrophe. Many dragons believe that wek-ya are infused with divination magic; coins are commonly drawn from bags to determine future events, and some individuals claim that their fortunes are told by the wek-ya they receive in trades. 

While wek-ya are the most common form of money in the Tangled Wood, they’re incredibly rare elsewhere. Common superstition holds that removing a wek-ya from its homeland will curse the coin’s bearer until it has been returned. There appears to be some vague truth to the statement, as the coins are known to have a way of mysteriously disappearing when they’ve spent too much time away from the Shadowbinder’s influence.

Wek-ya are capable of emitting a dim glow for several hours after being exposed to moonlight. Conversely, they’ve also been known to spontaneously melt when placed in sunlight, permanently disfiguring their faces - such coins are considered overwhelmingly taboo by most residents of the Wood and are traditionally thrown into bogs, rivers, and liquid-shadow ponds, such that they may be forever forgotten. 

--

Dazal (day-ZAHL) are large, chunky coins cut from smoky quartz. They come from Dragonhome, make for an uncommon sight in the northern Starfall Isles and Tangled Wood, and are rare elsewhere. No one institution governs the production of dazal, but most dragons don’t go out of their way to fake them - the coins are used predominantly within the handful of high-population regions of Dragonhome, particularly Terraclae and the Colonnades of Antiquity. Thanks to Light’s vested interest in archaeology, paxa are the most common currency in Dragonhome’s urbanized regions, followed by the eponymous vahrani.

Unlike suuram, which are largely shunned by Lightning’s more independent desert-dwelling clans, the value of dazal is respected by clans among even the most rural and harsh environments of Dragonhome. Most groups will carry at least a handful of them to use in trades - a few dazal will buy a weary traveler water and other goods. The nomadic routes of the Snappers often bring them to urban areas every now and again, which makes holding onto the currency useful, if occasionally burdensome. 

    The distribution of colors and patterns in a dazal is unique to every coin. Dazal have no varied values in a legal sense, but many individuals within Dragonhome will accept morion dazal - that is, those made of smoky quartz so uniformly dark as to be nearly black - as being worth twice as much as a singular dazal (or equivalent to one wek-ya). Some seek out dazal with unusual color schemes for collection purposes. Another commonly-sought variant is a coin without any scuffs; though crystalline, most older dazal are ridden with chips and cracks. 

--

The Sea of a Thousand Currents has no legally recognized currency. The stinging seawater makes metal-based money impractical, and even the magical toughness of paxa and arcslivers will wear under the waves. Among the more isolated, aquatic clans, though, an informal coin known as vanes (VAIN) are used in some transactions. Vanes are seashells that have been chipped and polished into glistening, guitar-pick shaped chits.

The production, distribution, and value of vanes is entirely unregulated. Any dragon with strong hands and sandpaper can collect seashells and file them to the right shape and smoothness. As such, individual vanes vary widely in color, texture, and shape. The value of a vane is equally variable - no bank in the world accepts vanes as legal tender, although they are acknowledged as being incredibly low-value, presuming they have any worth at all. 

Bags of vanes are often exchanged by coastal and reef-dwelling clans as stand-ins for the payment of debt. If an individual needs a good or service, but cannot pay for it at the time, they can hand over some vanes that serve as a sort of credit, later giving something of real value in return for their lent vanes.

Among the roughshod sailors of the Sea, bilgespray is a tawdry term used to refer to any collective mix of multiple types of currency. The wide variety of territories that they visit throughout their trading routes means that they inevitably collect a number of different types of coin. The term, ‘bilgespray,’ usually refers to a singular payout given in more than one type of currency, but used more broadly may account for any messy assortment of multiple types of money.

--

Popular within the urban areas of the central Starfall Isles, arcslivers (ARK-slih-vur) are tokens cut from the same magically-refined arcglass that makes up the shell of the Astrolodome. Their edges are inscribed with faintly-glowing runes that, like paxa, protect them from damage, although their enchantments are comparatively weaker. The appearance and value of an arcsliver is standardized; their production is controlled by banks within the Astrolodome and neighboring communities.

Well-wrought trading routes have established arcslivers as a valid currency throughout the entirety of the Isles. However, they have very little steading outside of Arcane’s territory. Similar to suuram, geographic isolation has kneecapped their spread, with traveling arcslivers found mostly in the neighboring regions of Dragonhome and the Windswept Plateau; a handful make their way to the Sea of a Thousand Currents and beyond from there. Though rare, they are legally acknowledged in institutions around Sorneith. 

--

Given the extremely well-connected, trade-focused culture of the Windswept Plateau, every currency - even strange or worthless ones, like wek-ya and vanes - can be found in abundance among Windsinger’s children. Vahrani from the neighboring Ashfall Waste are the most common coin, followed by paxa and arcslivers. Wind does not have a traditional currency in the way that other territories do. Rather than use a standardized object to represent physical value, Wind’s unusual currency holds strictly social value. These objects are called kuo (KOO-oh). They are long, ribbonlike textiles, made from hundreds of tiny interwoven beads, and are as much art as they are money.

The length of an individual kuo can vary considerably. Most are long enough to be used as sashes and belts, or be hung up as colorful banners. The harvesting, sculpting, weaving, and painting of their miniscule beads takes a painstaking amount of time and skill. As a monetary system, they indicate debts, allegiances, and other forms of social ‘money,’ whether paid or owed. The perceived value of a kuo is usually based on its size and craftsmanship - the longer and prettier, the better.

    While more rural and traditional clans will use kuo for their original purpose, younger generations - particularly those living in more urbanized areas - forgo the social value of kuo and create them for artistic purposes. The creation of an individual kuo ribbon is considered a long and meditative pastime. The patterns in every ribbon are unique, and the abundance of beads and paints mean that elaborate images can be threaded along the strings; given the extensive length of most kuo, many are used to depict the events of stories, be they mythical or factual. The longest kuo is rumored to be a ribbon that stretches the distance of the Cloudsong and depicts an embellished version of the Windswept Plateau’s entire history. 

In recent times, dragons have begun to weave kuo as gifts and decorations. Many young lovers and best friends will create kuo for one another, its pictures personalized to the other’s interests and personality, and wear the bands that they themselves were given (usually as scarves, sashes, or bracelets) in an open declaration of their bond. Kuo are becoming an increasingly popular export of the Windswept Plateau. Eager to share their culture with the world, Wind dragons often sell and gift kuo to travelers, and some have even begun to export them to other territories. 

--

The rough, lonesome barrens of the Southern Icefield makes the establishment of currency incredibly difficult. Like other harsh environments in Sorneith - the Shifting Expanse, Dragonhome, the Scarred Wasteland, and so on - coins are not particularly useful for immediate survival, and so trades are preferentially conducted with goods and services rather than coins. Northernmost or otherwise trade-savvy clans may occasionally cut deals with foreigners using vahrani, arcslivers, and even suuram.

The ancient institutions of the Gaolers, for all their fervence with law and order, never had reason to establish an expansive currency amongst themselves. The basic needs of all individuals are cared for free of charge; anything fancier is either owned communally, acquired by advancing in rank, or traded for without monetary stand-ins. Among a few circles, though - and particularly popular in teaching discipline to younger recruits - is a token system using units called snowcoins.

Snowcoins are very simple constructions. At their core is a singular link of a metal chain, which is encapsulated in magically-unmelting ice. The surface of a snowcoin is smooth and convex, forming an oblong shape not unlike a river stone, and they are remarkably translucent. Snowcoins, then, are a small reward earned through various services and good behavior, and can be traded in for small personal luxuries. The things snowcoins can buy consist mostly of curios and other decorative trinkets. 

Given that snowcoins are used only by the Gaolers, their existence is almost completely unheard of throughout Sorneith, even in the neighboring Snowsquall Tundra. Only a tiny handful have ever made it out of the Icefield - and even then, most of those found away from the Icewarden are replicas, not genuine. Those who are in possession of snowcoins usually regard them as oddities and collectibles. They hold some mildly curious historic value, but little else. 

--

For all their hatred for one another, the territories of the Scarred Wasteland and Viridian Labyrinth share a similar trait: neither has much in the way of currency. The Labyrinth prizes self-sufficiency and its clans want for little. Their isolationist nature has created a strict limitation on the influx of foreign currency - not even vahrani have made it past their coastal regions. Those from Nature who detest outside influence often use the derogatory term rootmuck to refer to any form of outside currency.

While Plague has a similar lack of established money, they don’t hold the same wariness of foreigners that the Gladekeeper’s children do. Most Plague clans see no reason in shunning something that may help them acquire useful things in the future. Various currencies are common at their respective borders - dazal in the north, wek-ya in the east, vahrani to the south, and arcslivers to the west. 

That being said, their central clans, much like those of the northwestern Shifting Expanse, trade mostly survival supplies with one another. Guttergunk is an informal term from the Wasteland that applies to any assortment of individually worthless items that are bundled together to have some collective value. Guttergunk is not anything that could keep you alive; it’s made of things like small trophies - teeth, scales, horns -, the last of old food preserves, tattered pieces of canvas, balls of string, and so forth. Trade offers of guttergunk are considered trashy, greedy, or desperate; in other words, a sign of either arrogance or weakness, perhaps both.

Alternatively, the term may apply to anything considered gross and worthless: “Your efforts are guttergunk,” is an example of a common insult. The word has become popular in neighboring territories, particularly by residents of the Driftwood Drag and sailors of the Sea of a Thousand Currents, and among them it has much the same meaning.

[sevlgi]

how it feels

requested: no

group: stray kids

pairing: hyunjin x gn!reader

genre: fluff, slight angst

contents: high school!au but there’s not much school involved, best friend!hyunjin, mutual pining, hyunjin’s a hopeless romantic

warnings: none

synopsis: comforting your best friend after a breakup usually doesn’t involve making him fall in love with you, but both of you just want to know what it feels like.

a/n: yes hello please enjoy this fic that i’m randomly dropping in the middle of my hiatus 🙃 i’ll hopefully be able to write a gg fic of some kind for y’all soon! the ending of this is so fucking lazy, sorry

word count: 5.3k

“Why, Y/N? Can’t she just tell me why?”

“I know,” you comfort, rubbing your best friend’s back as he sniffles with his knees up to his chest. It’s hard to see him in the darkness that’s brought by the blanket resting over the both of you like a tent, but in the glow of Hyunjin’s phone, you can see the tear tracks on his face. “I’m sorry, Jinnie.”

He pouts and scrubs yet another tear off his cheek, lamenting, “Why can’t I never fall in love with someone who loves me back? We’re only in high school, it shouldn’t be this complicated.”

Dabbing at his face with a tissue, you sigh, “I guess you have bad luck. Or bad judgement, could be both. There are plenty of people who are dying to love and appreciate you, you know, you’re the one who never spares them a glance.”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “No, those people only think I’m the long-haired guy from the dance team. They would treat me the same,” he frowns tearily. “I just want someone who likes me first.”

It always goes this way for him, you know-- you’ve seen it too many times, the stages of your best friend falling in love with someone who leads him on, enjoys his company for a while before dumping him and his expectations in the dirt. Maybe it’s the undeniable pressure to be the perfect partner that Hyunjin wants more than anything, or maybe he just always ends up liking assholes. But either way, it’s carnage for Hyunjin’s heart, and he never gets used to it no matter how many  times it happens.

He’s too sensitive and warm-hearted for his own good, so all he can do after the latest breakup is cry into his favorite pillow on a Tuesday night. If you weren’t so willing to immediately come to comfort him, Hyunjin would’ve been doing it alone, too, and he would’ve cried for far longer than he has.

“Who do I go to prom with now?” he questions sadly, breaking you from your recollections about the many times you’ve done this before.

Unfortunately, all his question does is make you laugh. “It’s a serious question!” Hyunjin protests, scowling at you.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” you say, still chuckling. “I mean, would it be so bad to go to prom with a friend? I’m sure Yeji- wait never mind, not Yeji… I’m sure someone would go with you for appearances’s sake. Or if you don’t mind, just ask Lix, he’s too nice to say no even if he wanted.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” he says, flopping back onto his bed. The clock by his bedside reads 2:33 am, and you can already feel your physics final cursing you. “I want to go with someone I feel something for, you know? It’s our prom, Y/N, I want to feel the prom-ness of promposals and picking out outfits and all that with someone I love.”

You shake your head and push his knee lightly. “Unfortunately, most people our age haven’t even been in love yet, so I doubt many people can help you feel it. But you know what I’m feeling right now?”

“Please don’t say pancakes,” Hyunjin groans, “I’m not waking my parents up to teach us how to use the stove again.”

Throwing a pillow at him, you roll your eyes, “I feel tired, dumbass. And we have finals tomorrow, so how about we invite our friends out to get boba afterwards so we can find you a prom date? You can complain all you like about how the three weeks before prom happens are too short to fall in love, yadda yadda.”

“Fine. But don’t mock me, my many feelings are perfectly valid,” your best friend warns you, and rolls over to turn the light off.

Seungmin frowns when Hyunjin finally shows up at the entrance of the school’s closest boba shop, looking slightly disheveled from dance practice. “Finally. You’re annoying, and late.”

“Jeongin’s later,” Hyunjin objects, plopping down in the spot next to you and accepting the drink you hold out to him. The amount of mango yogurt with boba he drinks is definitely unhealthy (and expensive), but he’ll only groan more about his breakup if you didn’t get it for him. “Why do you literally never complain about him?”

“Jeongin’s cute, and you aren’t.”

The long-haired boy scoffs and sips at his drink sulkily as Felix returns with his own order. “Oh, hey, Hyunjin. I didn’t see you arrive,” Felix smiles sunnily. “Jisung’s not coming today, by the way. Something about having to stay for detention.”

You raise your eyebrows at that new piece of information. “Really? For what?”

“Playing a song entitled ‘Fuck You Bitch’ in Bio, I believe.”

Seungmin snorts in laughter, sighing fondly, “Sounds like him. Anyway, I heard we’re here to solve the problem of Hwang Hyunjin’s prom date. Or… lack thereof?”

“You’re so mean,” your best friend groans. 

Ignoring him, you clasp your hands on the table and lean in conspiratorially. “I doubt any of you haven’t heard at this point, but he got dumped, for lack of a better word, and now, like the rest of us, Hyunjin has no prom date. But unlike us, he actually still wants one.”

“I’ll go with you,” Felix offers, still chewing on the straw in his mouth.

You elbow Hyunjin, who pushes you back before responding. “Thank you, Lixie, but like I explained to Y/N, I want to go with someone I’m in love with. I want to know how it feels, you know?”

“I don’t know,” Seungmin deadpans. At Hyunjin’s crestfallen expression, though, he says, “I mean, we can definitely try, but I feel like the rest of the people left in this school are either too young or not your type. And is 3 weeks really enough for you to be ‘in love again’?”

“Knowing me, maybe…? But I think I’d need to know the person already,” your best friend pouts.

Jeongin arrives then, conveniently missing most of the conversation before he squishes in on the end of the booth. “Well, you better not try to fall in love with me,” the youngest grins.

“I’d never pick you,” Hyunjin jabs back. “But out of the people I do know…”

“I volunteer,” you joke.

Your friends snicker, thankfully, but the boy sitting right next to you turns with a thoughtful expression on his face. “Actually…”

“I don’t like that expression,” Jeongin narrows his eyes.

“I think I could fall in love with Y/N in 3 weeks,” Hyunjin says nonchalantly, as if it’s nothing. He completely ignores all the shocked expressions around him.

In truth, as easy as Hyunjin falls in love, he’s also incredibly easy to fall for. You’d never admit it to him, but you have loved him before, with the kind of burning passion that he somehow has with every one of his relationships.

You’re over it, and you have been for a long time, but him saying that maybe he could love you so very easily makes it all come back up to the surface. “For real?” Felix questions.

“I mean, I don’t like you yet--” your heart falls (stupidly)-- “but I think I could.”

“So… what do you want me to do?” you ask.

Hyunjin smiles, so pure and beautiful that you wonder how his girlfriend just left him, and says, “I want you to help me figure out how it feels to really be in love.” He scrambles to interrupt Seungmin, whose mouth is opening. “It’s just three weeks before prom. We’ll just feel happy together, none of the other shit--”

“You are so cheesy,” Jeongin interjects. “And I think you’ve watched too many dramas. Did you pause to think how Y/N feels about your plan?”

You appreciate your younger friend’s considerateness, but the guilty expression on Hyunjin’s face prompts you to say, “I mean, I don’t think I could like you like that, so… sure. I’ll help you.”

“Really?” All three of your friends ask as they turn to you. 

“Yeah,” you shrug. “What, you fall in love with me in three weeks for prom, I don’t reciprocate, but we move on as friends? I think it’ll be fine.”

“It never works like that though,” Seungmin doubts. He isn’t as cynical as he seems, but in the presence of overly-optimistic Felix and Hyunjin, he and Jeongin always end up as the voice of reason. Usually, you’re with them, but this time, you’re the one enabling the idiocy of the new plan.

Hyunjin grins, “Then we’ll make it work like that.”

With the amount of time that passes before Hyunjin mentions his plot again, you almost forget about it. The first week is normal in a way that makes you nervous-- you hang out like normal, doing homework in the library with your friends as Minho harrasses Chan, eating lunch wherever you can find a spot. There isn’t really time to be alone, just the two of you, and you aren’t sure how Hyunjin is supposed to ‘fall in love’ with you if it’s just normal.

Of course, it doesn’t last long.

It takes a while for it to set in that when Hyunjin asks you to go watch a drive-through movie with him, it isn’t just so he can show off his brand-new car. It’s a date, and it’s stated painfully clearly in his text from the night before.

However, you don’t realize it until you’re literally getting into his car in front of your house.

“Wait. This is a date, isn’t it?”

Hyunjin chuckles nervously, looking over at you in the passenger seat, and you notice for the first time that he’s put on a bit of makeup, and his car doesn’t smell like Jisung’s hot cheetos for once. “I mean, yeah. I meant it when I said I wanted you to help, and I thought you did too? It doesn’t have to be one if you’re backing out, though, it’s totally fine.”

“I’m not backing out,” you shake your head. You really aren’t-- so far, nothing has happened that would make you want to back out yet, and no freshman-year feelings for your best friend have resurfaced just yet. “I just forgot. You know me.”

“Yeah, I know your goldfish brain,” Hyunjin teases, setting the car in motion. There’s lo-fi playing, and he’s a good driver, so you relax. “You forget everything.”

“I do not! You’re the one who has to be reminded of everyone’s birthday but mine,” you protest. If he wasn’t driving, you would shove him, and you remind him of that, to his dismay.

Hyunjin hums as soon as the two of you fall into comfortable silence, your foot tapping lightly to the music, and with the sun setting on the distant horizon, it’s so familiar. You try to interrupt the peace anyway. “So, what movie are we seeing?”

“10 Reasons I Hate You,” he answers. “It’s a classic, and you haven’t seen it.”

“And you love romcoms,” you finish.

He doesn’t protest, only sending you a small smile. You’re pulling into the theater already anyway, in one of the better rows to watch the movie as Hyunjin turns his radio on and starts fiddling with it. “There’s snacks in the backseat,” he offers, to no surprise.

They’re some of your favorites, though there are also the chips that he can’t live without. There’s a blanket, which drapes awkwardly over the cupholder between the two of you, and a bottle of juice that you place in his lap immediately. “You like watermelon juice more than I do.”

“Thanks,” he says quietly, almost surprised.

You scowl and poke him, allowed to now that you’re safely parked and waiting for the movie to begin. “Don’t act all shocked, we’ve been friends since orientation and I’ve spent more than half my paychecks getting this damn juice for you.”

“Mean,” Hyunjin protests, but he hands you your favorite soda from under his seat anyway. “And shut up, it’s starting.”

He seems to know the intro to the movie, smiling when the first line of dialogue sounds, all crackly over the shitty radio, and you eventually stop staring at him to watch the movie instead. Of course, you can’t keep yourself from asking, “Why do you like romcoms so much, anyway? You’ve never explained to me, for all the ones I’ve watched with you.”

“I like happy endings, I think,” the long-haired boy responds after a short pause to think. “Not to be dramatic, but I haven’t had one yet, so maybe watching other people being happy makes me happier too.”

You nod, taking it as a perfectly acceptable answer. Knowing how sentimental your best friend is, it’s nowhere near a stretch, either, being something that just fits with his personality.

He talks occasionally to tell you a little tidbit that he knows: by the end, you’ve learned about how it’s a modern adaptation of a rather misogynistic Shakespeare play, how the entire movie was shot without sets, and how the scene of Kat reading the poem was the first take. It’s interesting, of course, but you’re more captured by the way Hyunjin’s smile glints in the weak light filtered through the car windows.

The sky is dark when the credits roll and Hyunjin reaches for the steering wheel, almost too dark for you to see anything outside when you’re driving back to your house.

“So? How was it?”

“How was what?” you ask, moving your hands around vaguely. “The snacks? The movie? The date?”

“All of the above?” Hyunjin says hesitantly.

You answer immediately, “It was perfect. You knew that, though.”

“I didn’t really. I mean, I’ve never taken you on a date,” he muses. “And plenty of the people I’ve dated before weren’t even willing to watch a rom-com with me.”

“Then that’s their problem,” you say. “Anyone who isn’t willing to watch a rom-com with you is just an asshole, and I stand by that.”

Hyunjin smiles sweetly. You’re parked by the curb in front of your house at this point, so it’s slightly more easy to see the silhouette of your friend’s face. “That’s nice of you. I dunno though, I wouldn’t want to label everyone who doesn’t like romcoms as an asshole.”

“That’s not what I mean.” You shift a little bit to face him, pausing before you explain, “I think that if someone is so unwilling to try something that means so much to the person they like, then they don’t really like them.”

“I guess. You know, there’s another reason why I like romcoms so much.”

You don’t speak, waiting for Hyunjin to explain. And he does. “I think romcoms give me hope,” he nods. “Like… they make me think that anything’s possible, not just happy endings. Maybe the person who I don’t even have a chance with secretly likes me back, you know?”

“I can’t really imagine someone who wouldn’t like you if you liked them, but I think I get it,” you smile.

“At least you try. See you at school next week?”

“Come on, we both know that Binnie’s dragging all of us out to beat Chan’s ass at bowling,” you sigh, taking it as a sign to open your car door. 

Before you make it completely outside, though, Hyunjin’s hand rests on your wrist. “Y/N, thanks for tonight.”

“Anytime,” you respond breathlessly, closing the door a little louder than you probably should.

You do mean it.

“Remind me again why we have to go prom outfit shopping together?”

Hyunjin pouts, peering in the window of yet another shop. His arm rests gently on your shoulder despite the way you jokingly pushed it off at the beginning of the day, but you really don’t mind. “Isn’t it cute to have matching prom outfits? We should be color-coordinated in some way.”

“I mean, sure… but isn’t online shopping just easier?” you ask, raising your eyebrow. “It’s the 21st century, Jin.”

“You’re so unromantic,” he groans, and finally pushes the door open to a thrift store to lead you inside.

You wrinkle your nose at the heavy smell of perfume that hits you as soon as you step inside. “And you watch too many movies. You’ve known me for almost four years, you aren’t going to have some magical moment where you realize you like me just because I put on a sparkly outfit of some kind.”

“Who knows? Maybe you’ll suddenly think that you love me when you see me in a tux,” Hyunjin grins.

You don’t respond to that, and he doesn’t push it, taking it as just another joke of his. Of course he doesn’t know about freshman year, and he definitely doesn’t know about how you still aren’t sure if that crush ever subsided. He shouldn’t know. 

He’s too picky to pick something at the first store, you know, so you just follow him around as he flicks through things that are either too fitted or too loose, too patterned or too plain. 

It takes three stores for him to finally something that he likes, and he appears from the dressing room with a gorgeous grin on his face. “What do you think?”

“It’s… good. I mean, you look good,” you clarify. Of course Hyunjin looks perfect in anything, but the dark navy jacket over the patterned button-down he was already wearing just seem like they were a combo meant for him. 

He isn’t satisfied with your response, towering over you as you slump lower in the chair. “Just good?”

“Hot. Stunning, beautiful, sexy-- is that what you want to hear?” you respond sarcastically.

“That’s exactly it!”

Rolling your eyes, you pick up your things from the chair and say, “Then we’re done? Are you picking this one?”

“Yeah, but what about you?” Hyunjin asks. “Do you already have something, or are we going to get something? I’m still waiting for my kdrama moment, you know.”

You definitely don’t have something at home, but you don’t think you could bear being on the receiving end of the drama moment that your best friend so desperately wants. Something about having him suggest something for you to wear, reacting as dramatically as you know he will, just won’t allow your old feelings for him to sit still.

“I’m good. Let’s check out, and get some ice cream?” you offer to placate him.

Hyunjin grins and offers his arm to you again, practically skipping to the checkout. “Sounds perfect to me.”

“Y/N, what the hell do I wear on a date?”

“How should I know?” You sound listless, flicking through one of the mangas that one of Changbin’s friends left as his house.

“You literally went on a date with your freshman year crush last week and then picked a prom outfit with him,” your friend scowls, tossing a shirt at your face. It’s clean, thankfully, but you still chuck it back at him.

“In my defense, I forgot that it was a date,” you respond, “and shut up about the ‘freshman year crush’ thing. I never would’ve told you if I knew you would use it against me like this.”

Changbin throws yet another piece of clothing in your direction, narrowly missing your face, and you raise a pillow to threaten him with. “You got me into this mess with Felix in the first place, so I think it’s even.”

“It’s not a mess if it’s what you asked me to do,” you complain, “and besides, you wouldn’t stop talking about this date for the past week despite it literally just being something we do together all the time.”

“I like Felix, I don’t like you.”

“Then I’m leaving you to agonize over your collection of colorful track pants on your own,” you warn, and he subsequently shuts up. “There we go. Don’t wear one of those, by the way, even though Felix wouldn’t say a single thing about it.”

“How was the date, by the way? And the three-year-old feelings?” Changbin asks as he continues to dig in his closet.

You hesitate. “It was… nice? Hyunjin knows way too much about Julia Stiles, but he was super enthusiastic and the movie was pretty good. He got the good snacks, too.”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he sighs. 

“Then what did you mean, Mr. ‘I Love Lee Felix With My Whole Tiny Brain’?” you challenge.

Changbin doesn’t take the bait, unfortunately. “Jeongin told me about the whole plot you and Hyunjin have going on. Are you really dumb enough to think that you can get him to love you without falling for him again, and then leave him after it?”

There’s no way to respond to his question without making a complete fool out of yourself, and so, you simply don’t. Apparently in one of his more coherent moods, Changbin continues on, “I’d say that you watched too many movies, but I’ve seen you avoid Hyunjin’s movie nights. What the hell is going on with you?”

“I mean, have you seen the way he looks when he wants something?” you answer unintentionally. “Obviously you weren’t with us at the at the boba shop, but I’m serious. I couldn’t say no to him, especially when he’s heartbroken.”

“What does he look like?” Changbin asks.

You sigh, “He… his eyes get kind of shiny, almost like he’se about to cry but not really like that. And I don’t really know, he just looks like he’d be sad if you said no but wouldn’t talk about it, and that’s the part that makes you want to say ‘yes’.”

“It sounds to me like your three-year-long crush is still here, then,” your friend replies. “Because I have never felt that way about Hyunjin before, but I know what expression you’re talking about.”

Staring at him like he’s grown two heads, you realize that he’s wearing a jean jacket that shouldn’t have taken so much time to pick out. “That’s a stupid conclusion.”

Changbin shrugs and picks his phone up on his way out. “You can think about it as stupid if you want, but I’m usually not wrong about this. I’m going now, do you want a ride or something? You can stay here as long as you want, though.”

“I’ll walk home, it’s still noon,” you answer. You need to think, anyway.

He walks to the kitchen for a drink of water, he claims, but he picks up his phone on the way there, presumably to talk to Felix like the lovey-dovey fool he is. You wrinkle your noise and wander in the hallway, fully intending to bully Changbin about his crush as long as possible.

But his low voice, echoing from the kitchen, definitely doesn’t sound like flirting. When Changbin strides out, on a mission, it’s obvious that something is wrong. “We have to go,” he says. “Jeongin and Hyunjin got in an accident.”

Fear bubbles in your throat, and you yank the front door open harder than you could’ve thought possible. “What? How? When? Is it just the two of them? Are they okay?”

“Minho says that he doesn’t know yet, he’s driving there too. They aren’t calling the police, they’re apparently fine enough to get us,” Changbin says as he backs out of the driveway. “But we better get there as soon as we can.”

“Then drive,” you exhale sharply, slamming your seatbelt on as if it’ll stop your heart from beating out of your chest.

You leap out of the passenger’s side before the car even stops moving, finding Minho and Chan’s cars both parked at the side of the road behind the silver one that you remember to be Jeongin’s parents’. There’s a huddle of people there, Seungmin and Jisung parting so that you can make your way to the center.

To your relief, both your friends are okay; Hyunjin’s sitting on the trunk of the car, massaging his legs, and Jeongin’s definitely wincing a bit too much when he moves his neck. The car is dented, but not to the point of no repair.

Still, anger clouds your vision.

“What the hell’s wrong with the both of you?” you almost shout. “And what the fuck happened?”

Hyunjin starts, “Y/N, calm down. I was trying to teach Jeongin to drive, and we went a little off course--”

“Teaching him to drive, on the damn highway?” you question furiously. “You barely got your license three months ago, I get that you’re a good driver, but you aren’t a good enough driver for this! Whose idea was this?”

Jeongin timidly raises a hand, but Felix stops you from saying anything more. “Let’s all calm down, okay? Y/N, our friends are fine,” he says, low voice barely audible over the wind whipping around. “Everyone’s alive, which is the most important part here, and we can fix the car, which isn’t all that important. Let’s just focus on getting someone here to help, okay?”

“I’ve called my uncle to come and tow the car, we’re just going to get Hyunjin and Jeongin to the hospital, okay?” Seungmin reassures you. “Changbin’s car is too small, and you’re the better driver, so you and Hyunjin take it. Jeongin will come in Minho’s car with me, and we’ll meet you there.”

You nod stiffly and get into the driver’s seat first, pretending like you don’t notice how Chan pulls Hyunjin back to talk with him.

You shouldn’t have gotten angry; it doesn’t make sense to be angry at all. You should’ve been scared, worried, anything but angry, and so, you can only try to calm your breathing by the time Hyunjin sits next to you and Chan’s car sets off.

“Why are you so mad?” he asks quietly.

It’s the wrong thing to say; you turn your head to him, incredulous. “Why am I mad? You could have died, both of you could have died!”

“And? How many things have we all done together that could’ve ended with us in a ditch?” Hyunjin raises an eyebrow. “Hell, you were the one who decided that it would be fun to jump from the roof into Seungmin’s pool last summer, what’s changed? I get it, it was stupid, but you’ve never been so mad about something like this before.”

You exhale, tapping your fingers on Changbin’s steering wheel as you follow your friends’ cars. “To be honest, I don’t know.”

“Okay.”

It’s completely silent after that, at least until you reach the emergency room.

Jeongin and Hyunjin are fine, thankfully; the youngest has twisted a muscle in his neck, but it’s nothing that can’t heal on its own, and Hyunjin’s knees are merely bruised. Jisung’s the one who tells you, the older two of your friend group apparently dealing with the parents of the injured.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” he asks, patting your arm. “You reacted a little… adversely earlier. Did you and Hyunjin have a fight?”

“Why is it always about me and Hyunjin?” you ask with narrowed eyes. “Can’t I be mad because they almost got themselves killed?”

Jisung raises an eyebrow. “You never get mad when we almost get ourselves killed, that’s Chan’s job. And you were basically yelling straight at Hyunjin, I’ve never seen the guy so scared.”

You exhale and sit back in the creaky hospital chair. You wish you could tell Jisung if there was something wrong, but you honestly don’t know what it is. “I don’t know. Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”

“You tell me, dude,” Jisung chuckles. “I think you should think about it. I mean, there’s barely two weeks until prom now, you barely have time to back out anymore.”

“Why would I back out?” you stare at him.

He pushes you to stand, and only says, “Think about it yourself. Okay?”

You don’t tap out, but only because you don’t get Hyunjin alone enough to do so.

After your little yelling fest at him, he obviously doesn’t want to just talk to you, despite how you publicly apologize to both him and Jeongin. You don’t sit together during movie night, you sit at opposite corners of your study table in the library.

Until Felix’s parents invite all of you over to take prom pictures, all you get is a stilted silence.

“You look nice,” he mumbles when the two of you get ushered together in a pair. Except for Felix and Changbin, all the others are by themselves, and you wonder why Hyunjin was so hellbent to get himself a prom date when almost everyone else didn’t bother.

He himself looks absolutely perfect, his hair styled to perfection and a slight pink glittering on his lips. The suit that you picked out together is paired with a patterned shirt that you’ve never seen before, and it perfectly matches your own hastily-purchased outfit. Hyunjin offers a flower to you, color-coordinated, and you hold it in one hand with the other on his arm. “Thanks. You too.”

“Okay, smile, everyone!” Felix’s mom grins behind the camera. “Couples, stand closer together a little bit!”

With a (rather convenient) nudge from Minho, Hyunjin’s hand slips onto your waist, and heat rises to the tops of your ears. Felix’s mother is pleased, though, and the photos carry on with the occasional hoots of laughter when Jisung smacks a kiss onto Seungmin’s cheek and gets clocked as a result.

Conversation is never stilted when you’re with your friends, so despite the silence between Hyunjin and you, there’s no awkwardness during the ride there. Silence only falls when it’s just the two of you standing together in the corner of the venue, all the others off to dance or raid the buffet table.

You decide to speak first. “Are you pissed at me for yelling at you? Because I said I was sorry, and I am.”

“I’m not pissed at you,” Hyunjin shakes his head.

“Well, you’re sure acting like it,” you snap. With a sigh, you end up apologizing again, “Sorry. I just… I know that the plot was mostly a joke, just to take your mind off of the heartbreak and stuff. I kind of messed it up.”

“You messed it up?” He stares at you.

“Well, yeah… I yelled at you, didn’t I?”

Hyunjin sighs, almost like he expected a different answer. “No, that didn’t mess anything up. I mean, I got what I wanted, anyway.”

“And what was that?”

“I fell in love with you.”

It’s your turn to watch him, completely shellshocked. The sparkling, multicolored lights of the venue bounce off him like an otherworldly glow, and his eyes sparkle even though he’s avoiding your gaze. Maybe all the people falling at his feet, you included, are onto something. “I mean, it’s not exactly what I wanted,” he blabbers. “I wanted to be in love without it hurting, and obviously that failed, but… I should’ve known that it wouldn’t even take three weeks for me to love you.”

“Hyunjin.”

Your best friend still doesn’t look up, so you just ask softly, “Why does it hurt?”

“You don’t like me back, of course it hurts,” Hyunjin frowns. 

“Who said I didn’t like you back?”

He’s quiet, eyes flicking up to you like he thinks it’s Jisung pranking him or something. “Do you mean it?”

“We’re stupid, Hyunjin,” you laugh. “We’re so, so stupid. I had a crush on  you since we met, for two whole-ass years.”

“Well, I liked you for almost four, so I think I beat you there,” he says. But there’s a relieved smile on his face, his eyes curving prettily as he reaches for your hand. “Then… do you want to dance?”

“No romcom shenanigans,” you warn, but you allow yourself to be tugged out to the dance floor next to your friends with a smile.

Hyunjin’s grin as you twirl him around under the burning neon lights suddenly makes it seem like everything will just... magically be okay. If you had just been a little more courageous (or a little less stupid), maybe you could’ve seen it earlier.

But good things come with time and patience. And with all the patience you’ve had, waiting for this to happen, the way you finally feel with him makes it all worth it.

[juliabohemian]

oh dear

I have noticed a number of posts circulating which imply that ANY character being mean to Loki EVER and for ANY reason = abuse.

I will admit that I initially felt mostly irritation at what appeared, on the surface, to constitute such a complete and utter lack of critical thinking. What I’ve realized, though, is that people who make such posts definitely believe what they are saying. And like everything people do and say, there’s a deeper reason for it. The fact is, traumatized characters attract traumatized fans. And not all of those fans are in a good place, emotionally. And those people are perfectly valid, even if the conclusions they draw are not.

When it comes to fiction, good characters are complex. That means they are conflicted and flawed. They make mistakes. They lash out when they are afraid or hurting. They sometimes hurt other characters. Loki fits that bill very well. It’s one of the reasons he is so popular. Not just with traumatized people, but with people in general. He’s relatable.

The problem comes when fans relate to fictional characters, but really aren’t conscious of why, because they aren’t all that conscious of themselves. They haven’t done a whole lot of self-reflection. Maybe because they aren’t ready, because their trauma is too fresh. Or maybe they are still living in crisis and don’t have the freedom to self-reflect. Those possibilities are all valid.

But very often, when a person goes through trauma and doesn’t have the luxury (and yes, it is a luxury) of working through it, their reasoning skills can become flawed as a result. Trauma, especially childhood trauma, tends to have a negative effect on our ability to socialize and form intimate relationships, because it damages our ability to interpret the intentions of others. We call this hostile attribution bias.

The problem with hostile attribution bias, is that it makes it difficult to tell when people genuinely mean you harm. If a person’s words, actions, or facial expressions are ambiguous in any way, they will be interpreted as being hostile in nature. This keeps one on the offensive, constantly, always anticipating the next blow. Very often, no such blow is coming. But it doesn’t matter. Fear is real, and the experience of it is real.

It stands to reason that someone who struggles to interpret the intentions of real-life people would also experience the same difficulty with fictional characters. For instance, fans who identify with Loki because they perceive him as being a victim will have a hard time seeing him as anything else. Thus, anyone who harms Loki in any way is just further proof that the universe is against him and always will be.

This is referred to as an external locus of control. It means that a person sees life as something that is happening TO them, and that they are powerless to affect the outcome. It’s also important to note that people with this mentality struggle deeply to heal from their trauma. They are stuck in a sort of Groundhog Day scenario, living the same thing out over and over again. Because of their flawed perception, everything that happens to them feels like an extension of that initial trauma.

So, it would make perfect sense that a person with a history of trauma, who suffers from attribution bias, and who has an external locus of control, would be extremely uncomfortable watching anything bad happen to Loki. In fact, it would probably be traumatic for them.

And while their feelings and their experience of those feelings are 100% real, their perception of reality is not entirely accurate. In other words, what they think is happening is not necessarily what is happening.

Loki’s initial trauma, believe it or not, was just being abandoned as an infant. Even though he can’t remember it, that experience alone can result in lifelong emotional struggles. In real life, we refer to this as an attachment disorder. A person with an attachment disorder usually develops major issues with abandonment. They also suffer from (wait for it) attribution bias. And that bias absolutely affects their perception.

Loki’s next trauma was being raised in a dysfunctional family. Not only were they dysfunctional, but they weren’t a very good fit for Loki. Loki was a quiet, contemplative person. He was a thinker, an intellectual. He would rather read or do magic. So, not a good fit for Asgardian society. The combination of Loki’s initial trauma, with his inherent temperament, and his dysfunctional family is what led to the inevitable breakdown that is regarded as Loki’s “villain” arc. I’d like to point out that, in reality, such a person would have probably suffered a breakdown much sooner than that. Typically, prior to reaching adulthood.

Loki’s next trauma was encountering Thanos. Now, we have no idea exactly what happened between Loki and Thanos. We know only that it wasn’t good and that it resulted in Loki being absolutely terrified of him. Other than that, details are fuzzy. I think it’s fair to assume that whatever mistreatment Loki endured probably qualified as torture. Whether it was physical or psychological, we cannot know for sure.

While Loki’s Thanos-related trauma was NOT an extension of his family-related trauma, his decision to entangle himself with Thanos was a product of that trauma. By which I mean that his willingness to align himself with someone like Thanos came from a place of desperation, and a desire to prove himself to someone who he perceived as being qualified to validate him.

So, fast forward to the LOKI show. Our version of Loki never returned to Asgard in chains, was never told that it was his birthright to die, nor endured any gaslighting from Ragnarok-Thor. He never got his neck broken by Thanos. He never went through any of that. He arrived at the TVA, fresh off his failed attempt to take over planet Earth. He was all fired up and defensive, as anyone in his situation would probably be.

Now, here’s where we need to put our critical thinking caps on. Because, I hate to tell you this, folks...but unlike most of the Loki content we’ve gotten prior, this content is actually well written. It’s VERY well written. And while it might be tempting to respond to it with pure emotion, it is imperative that we don’t abandon all logic and reason. This show is not an extension of the gauntlet of trauma we’ve watched Loki endure since he first appeared on screen. The creative minds involved in this venture ALL care deeply about Loki’s character and want to see him succeed (whatever that means for him).

Enter Mobius. He’s a cog in a very big machine. He likes to think of himself as being more than that. He establishes a rapport with his boss in the hopes of distinguishing himself from his peers. His interest in his work is personal. He likes what he does.

From Mobius’ point of view, Loki is an asset. He has information that could help solve the bigger puzzle. But Mobius exists in a world that affords him access to multiple realities. He has probably met dozens of Lokis. And he has probably seen hundreds of people casually pruned or executed or reset. It’s just part of the world he happens to be in. And he doesn’t question it, because he has been brainwashed.

So, does Mobius attempt to manipulate Loki? Absolutely. Just another day at the office. And it works, because he knows Loki better than Loki knows himself, has studied him and other Lokis. And it’s hard not to be mad at Mobius for causing Loki pain. Especially when that is followed up by Loki eagerly taking Mobius up on his offer to help track down the other Loki variant.

I think some people might find Loki’s enthusiasm disconcerting. And there are certainly aspects of it that can be considered such. Loki, at his core, just wants to be told that he is doing a good job, that his contributions matter. That part of him is definitely a product of trauma. But is Loki motivated entirely by his trauma? Not really. Despite his manipulations, Mobius offers Loki the closest thing to warmth and compassion that he has seen for a while. Some of that is genuine and some of that is not. And faced with the reality that everything he knows is gone, Loki does what most people in his situation would do, he tries to be productive. He gets busy. He distracts himself. Because at the moment, little else is under his control.

Despite all of that, you simply cannot have compassion for Loki and none for Mobius. Because Mobius is a victim too. He was abducted from his own reality. He is living a lie. He is part of something that, upon deeper reflection, he realizes he doesn’t agree with. He is so very much like the Loki we first met in 2011. He is such a well-written and multi-faceted character, I thoroughly enjoy his on screen time with Loki.

But I understand that there are people who are not in a place, emotionally, where they can overlook such plot devices. And I sincerely hope that those eventually people find healing. In the meantime, let’s try to remember that this is a work of fiction. And unlike real-life trauma, when it becomes upsetting, we can turn it off and walk away.