#on the other hand this does especially apply to mika i love him more than life itself

[biblicallyaccurateangeloncrack]

are any if the ons characters truly well written? no. do i still love them all? yes.

[animeloversworldsblog]

Rant about shikama doji and hiragis-clan

I don't understand why people say that hiragis are victims from shikama, yes sure they were created from this bastard but still are the same shit as him.

Even if kagami say that are not good or bad characters we should realized that are ones because if that the case then we should justify every damn evil character in anime, manga, novel, movie, serie etc, for the simple fact "it's must be a reason or was for one reason". But kamagi want to redeem hiragis family so bad with mahiru shit and even kureto shit and even (for christ's sake) tenri, that fails completely (don't you think kagami that i didn't see it bcs you always try to portrait mahiru and kureto like poor angels and victim, and that apply to tenri and sheishiro, especially when it cames from mahiru bitch, (and yeah whatever, she is it, i just don’t care anymore)

It's simple hiragis are bad people they have nothing good at all. How they can be victims? What about all the people was in their hands? What are they?

They are incredible selfish people that think are the only ones that have right no matter what. If we are gonna justify that killing people all over again for the reason "is for humankind" is bullshit. It is only to satiate their thirst for power, and that has been seen both in the novel and in the manga, to be more and more powerful.

If the case is "justification" then we can justify shikama doji here too (extreme sarcasm). Shikama lost his precious son right (more sarcasm) so in this case would be..

Shikama doji lost his son so he is doing all of this to revive his death son, so he destroyed the world for that, and killed millions for his selfish goal, poor shikama (bullshit as hell, evil shit). Not evil character bcs he has a reason.

Mahiru she did all what she did to protect shinoa, she didn't have choice to became in demon to the purpose to save the world, used guren and destroyed him in so many possibles ways bcs she loved him so deeply and want to be her strength so he could save the world and killed shinya and the rest was a purpose to save the world, poor mahiru (god more bullshit) (and for let it clear I'm being sarcastic especially with this evil bitch). Not evil character bcs she had a reason.

Kureto he is a man that care for his subordinates and wants to created a world were they live in piece, then he killed them if they disobey him or for experimention and laugh about it, he see guren like a comrade, yet he tortured for days and his father, he care for shinoa, yet he tortured her and then threat her to killed her, kids that he brainwashed them to became soldiers, used in experimentation and like spies with vampires, and say that experiments don't have right, and all of this is just like mahiru is for save the world, poor kureto (don't let me start it again is more bullshit). Not evil character bcs he has a reason.

Shikama doji, Mahiru, Kureto = shitty evil disgusting piece of crap.

And of course I don't forget tenri hiragi and sheishiro are others shit evil disgusting piece of crap as much hiragis's clan is being do it since 1200 years.

Mahiru is not a damn savior, she made genocide and still does, to the simple reason is to "save the world"?, bcs was possessed by two demon Is the excuse? Vampire crap? All of that was just adhere to her thirst for power. Shinoa? She didn't give a crap about her, shinoa is a damn victim from both hiragis (especially from mahiru and shikama doji) and always put her in dangerous situation guren? Where? Bcs she goes just to tortured him knowing that would be trouble from him, even so she didn't care and was manipulating him since 5 and after ten years and more having now 24 to save the damn world? (And this is the most abusive and destructive relationship i've ever seen and without love from both parts, don't talk to me about guren love her is no more than emotional abuse) Shinya that she cared from him, after massacred him bcs she hated him so bad, and the rest even that was a purpose to save the world? ( i dont know at this point if I have to laugh or cry for all the things I've been reading and I can continue, even if kagami in the end put that like a reason, and i wouldn't be surprise if he try to revive mahiru, bcs she was the most innocent victim and the most perfect girl ever).

Like she loved guren the most so she pushed him to become more powerful, even if that means eliminate, his followers, his family and his most precious friends,("elimate your weakness your pathetic attachments bcs that doesn't let you be strong", but he has to be attachment to her lol psycho bitch) which actually was her plan and that not apply in save the world, was just eliminated all what guren loved to have her for herself, (psycho bitch that enjoy the pain she caused to her "most beloved man", don't get me started in how she laughed and enjoyed when his father died and his friends and all was things she hated) because that was her great love for him, to be her strength to face everything that would come and that want of the good things guren had was met her when she was a child, even so she saw all ichinose clan like trash, even guren, people forget that she wants her father goes to them to piss him off (which that means dead flag to them, the worst that could happened to guren was met her like seriously even if saito planned it and helped her to get her revenge still was the worst to guren and goes after someone else for being an insane girl to hurt a sweet child, yeah so sweet and innocent cute girl) And even using shinoa to manipulate others by making them believe that she was always a poor innocent and sweet girl who suffered a lot, and as long as she used shinoa in that it gave her the right to commit genocide and so much garbage that she has done, with the purpose is for a good reason and it is justifiable, such as reading that it was okay to kill Shinya and the others because otherwise tenri would have done it, or that she has a good humanity in her that has done everything she has done to save the world, or that her demonic self was still mess up with her when she turned on in vampire (lmao mahiru always was her true self, she just love power more than anything in the world) and again she is not a savior or is helping guren to keep him alive to give him a reason to live, because guren is not free to live under his terms, but under her terms, is always being like that since the moment he met her; everything in Mahiru is nothing but false in her, false emotions, false feelings, the human mahiru is nothing but a hideous monster, A human monster that want to surprass god but she can't even do every single shit without making every single life misery. (And used saito helps, he gave her what she wanted and even so this other shit said she was crazy since the beginning and was terrible person, so a great genius that made all by herself is not true). kagami doesn't more than blame all in her demons, which in reality she was a rotten child, and a teenager one, she always was greedy and always was about herself no other one, not even guren, or her sister

Kureto is the same as her, he thinks bcs he had a high status can make with people and children whatever he wants, maybe has some sanity,(and has sanity doesn't make someone weak for god's sake and i talk here for guren not kureto) and is not vengative since child like mahiru that was a damn vengative monster since child with the idea to make kill all ichinose clan and a sweet innocent boy where she started to abused and destroy him mentally, emotionally, psychologically and Physically she was and is a psycho. And i understand that no everybody can survive in the world, and are difficult choices to make but killing people to created weapons using children to overpower hiragis that is not even an option, he is an abusive and a tortured bastard still is the same shit and a terrible person.("those who killed without a reason are evil", yeah to overpower you, bcs you are an angel. "Kill me or save me", pathetic bastard)

Hiragis especially mahiru, kureto say that want to make a better world but humans can't do it without breaking any taboo; there must be a price to human to pay, hiragis who is in control, desire for more power to become the greatest.. Doesn't care about destroying the world. How egoistic. Hiragis like demon- self centric. They don't care enough about people around them that is why they say that love, family and friendship is weakness.

That is why all of hiragis are all the same. They seek for power--true power, they want to dominate everything even it if was humankind. They don't really care about human in general, if they can gain more power just from destroying japan, then why not? They can just rebuild it by the power of seraph and make it a better place, with more powerfull human being etc. If its cursed then why they're so greedy, abusive, and manipulative towards others? If they know it was their sins why they don't even try to change your own destiny, but you just follow your own selfish desire and make everyone lifes miserable. How can you rebuild your own idealism about world when you can't even control your greedines for power? I get it ONS world are more like gray area that you can't even know what is right or wrong--but doesnt mean humanity never exist you know. People always blaming guren for everything because he is selfish prick that doesn't want his family to be gone forever, he still a child in heart that never tried to move on from grieving his own family, and destroyed humanity just for his selfishness. Dude, aren't Mika and Yuu are the same? They want their family to still alive, and they want to take revenge for people who have killed their family, while guren? Did he ever tried to seek any revenge on hiiragi's family? He was, but never actually do it in the end and still pitied THEM. @lottenoir

Is incredible how hiragis selfishness can be easy justifies and be poor victims in all of this just because they were created to be used for bastard shikama doji, but I think is so much hipocrasy. (kagami just want to portrait hiragis like victims and it's look like it works at least on the fandom for shikama but their creator is as shitty as mahiru, kureto, tenri and sheishiro and fails so bad in that, he can't even make a descent plot and ruins good characters thank to deal to hiragis shit)

Shikamadoji, mahiru, kureto,tenri, sheishiro= disgusting piece of shit that must be eliminate for good.

Victims (real ones) guren, shinya, shinoa, mito, goshi, sayuri, shigure, and all the people that suffered and died in their hands. (i don't even gonna mention yuu and mika like victims here bcs honestly they aren't either at this point, are the same has hiragis in greedy selfishnes and don't give a crap about the world and people in general)

The hiragis do not have an ideology to protect, nor allies to trust, they see fraternal and family ties as mere tools, hiragis like shikama are pathetic. For them, to survive in that cruel world, nothing is needed but power. Ideals and ideology are just worthless talk.

That is why I see characters (guren, shinya guren's squad) that despite living in a cruel world, know why living, even in a dark world, life goes on, it is not always about becoming the most powerful, and killing to give themselves power, it is about survive, live, is about that they have a mission, things to protect, the ideals of each one, their hopes, those are the ones that make their ideals come true, they sacrifice their lives for others, knowing that many will die on the way, nobody can turn off that last light, in the that those characters believe. (Schwarzesmarken words).

Ons has a Gray Area, they are character that get in there but those characters goes more to be good person with mistakes and flaws. And those characters have belief, values, try to get better and have feels and emotions towards others.

Hiragis and others one (like yuu, mika, shikama, saito,ferid, krul, etc) goes to the area of being bad or evil characters no matter how much kagami try to portrait them or redeem them and is just like that, most of those characters just focus in their damn selfishness crap not other people or the world, and most of the vampires are as shit as hiragis. (don't you think kagami that i don't see how you continue to try so bad to redeem shitty hiragis, with that crap about "the hiragis are not to blame bcs they were created to be used" bulshit as hell, put yourself together man, your plot about them and others characters is horrible, with so many holes and incongruities, but oh well keep going with your poor mahiru, kureto, hiragi family and others, instead to give them justice to the only decent characters that you still have and still ruin, no so many bullshit about "there aren't good or bad characters" keep going to show the bad characters like good ones, and good characters like evil shit lol, what a lie, and you say guren is your fave? Lol poor guren, you not even give justice to him nor shinya, I couldn't even with catastrophe at 16 and your bullshit with mahiru and the others like no one was better than her, not even the other girls, the perfect one and the insignificant others girl,poor the other girls, that can't be as godnees as her, and people in general, oh and your bullshit about guren was weak when actually is not, and has to be in the most destructive and abusive relationship, actually not even was one at all, just emotional abuse, not love, not exs, and it sickness even think about their love with mahiru than didn't do more than abuse a DAMN GOOD MAN like guren and others people and make guren look to everyone like the evil character thanks to her, the most horrible murder, genocide bastard, but no one blame her instead blame guren for all her shit and one can't see guren is being abused from her since child, where is the love? Please give me a break, and thanks to you that keep going with her bullshit guren is the most hate one, and whatever at this point I just don't care anymore is so many stupid things about it and is just sickness and no funny at all)

To hiragis being weak don't let you became strong but can we appreciate this instead all their bullshit..

You're going to meet many people with domineering personalities: the loud, the obnoxious, those that noisily stake their claims in your territory and everywhere else they set foot on. This is the blueprint of a predator. Predators prey on gentleness, peace, calmness, sweetness and any positivity that they sniff out as weakness. Anything that is happy and at peace they mistake for weakness. It's not your job to change these people, but it's your job to show them that your peace and gentleness do not equate to weakness. I have always appeared to be fragile and delicate but the thing is, I am not fragile and I am not delicate. I am very gentle but I can show you that the gentle also possess a poison. I compare myself to silk. People mistake silk to be weak but a silk handkerchief can protect the wearer from a gunshot. There are many people who will want to befriend you if you fit the description of what they think is weak; predators want to have friends that they can dominate over because that makes them feel strong and important. The truth is that predators have no strength and no courage. It is you who are strong, and it is you who has courage. I have lost many a friend over the fact that when they attempt to rip me, they can't. They accuse me of being deceiving; I am not deceiving, I am just made of silk. It is they who are stupid and wrongly take gentleness and fairness for weakness. There are many more predators in this world, so I want you to be made of silk. You are silk. C. JoyBell C. (To guren ichinose and shinya hiragi)

[jebentnietalleen]

5 for the prompt please and thank you❤️

There are a lot of things that suck about the fact that his dad is not reliable when it comes to money. For one thing, it’s humiliating having to ask Mika to have patience when it comes to his rent. Thankfully Mika has stopped asking him about it or teasing relentlessly, he knows that the situation is out of Lucas’ hands and that he hates that he can’t do anything about it. But another worry of Lucas is his future. He wants to go to university, he really does, but he already knows that he can’t afford it on his own, and he can’t count on his dad to pay for it. That much is clear. His mom doesn’t have enough money to support him, and he would never ask that from her. That’s how he finds himself talking to the school guidance counselor, trying to find out what his options are if he wants to go to university but doesn’t have the means to pay for it.

‘Well, Lucas, I know it’s tough, but you could try and apply for a loan?’ The guidance counselor was giving him the most pitiful look ever, and he hated every second of this conversation.‘You’d probably have to wait until you are 18 before you can do that, but it is an option. ‘Great. Get myself into debt the moment I am an adult. Is that really the only thing I can do?’Lucas felt like he was begging, and maybe he was. This couldn’t be just a problem for him, could it? Surely there were other students who had money issues. How the hell did they deal with this?The counselor looked as if he was thinking about something else, and a tiny ray of hope sparked inside of him. ‘There is something else… You can try and get a scholarship. You have the grades for it, especially in Biology and Science. If you manage to get the other grades up before the end of the schoolyear, there is a good chance that you can be in running for that. I know it’s not much of a certainty, but it’s something. And there is even a way to compensate your grades. There is a buddy program, in which students who have higher grades can mentor students who need to get a higher grade in order to pass. If you sign up for that right now, you can probably get started right away. I’ll make sure to pair you with someone who struggling with Biology, and you can get some extra credit. How does that sound?’Lucas, who has been quiet during that whole explanation, just nods his head enthusiastically. ‘Yes, please, I’ll tutor anyone in anything, but yes, Biology is perfect. Thank you so much for this opportunity.’‘Don’t thank me yet, young man. Like I said, no guarantees here. But let’s see what we can do, shall we?’ Lucas gives a small smile, thanking him once more before returning to class. He can do this. Just before the end of the last class of the day, he gets called out by the guidance counselor.‘Good news, Lucas! I found a match for you, for the buddy program. It’s a bit unusual because this student is in a year above you, but we have the utmost confidence that you will be able to help him anyway. If it does get to be too much, however, just give us a shout. I believe that he needs to do an extra assignment because he missed a few, but I’ll let him explain that to you himself if he wants. In any case, the student in question is Eliott Demaury, and I’ve told him you will be able to meet him tomorrow around 16:00 in the science lab, if that’s okay with you?’Lucas felt his face drain, this could not be happening to him. Eliott fucking Demaury? Aka the most gorgeous person in this entire school, if not the planet? Oh God. This would not go well.

He hardly slept that night, kept thinking of everything that could go wrong, all the ways he would embarrass himself when working on a project with Eliott. It’s silly, because he is pretty sure Eliott does not even know who he is, but he would have liked to keep it that way. Because there is no way he could ever have eyes for him, and why torture himself by talking to him? Unfortunately, the universe apparently hated him even more than he already knew. Great.

The next day goes by so slowly, and he gets nervous every time he thinks about what will happen at 16:00. Yann teases him the entire day, he is the only person who knows how much he has been crushing on Eliott from a distance.‘Oh come on, Lulu, maybe it will be love at first sight! You are adorable, after all’ Lucas just shoves him aside, feeling his cheeks burn red for no reason at all. This is going to be such a disaster.

When he walks to the science lab, he gives himself a quick pep talk. You have survived Mika’s nude pictures, you have survived Basile’s rants about Daphné’s rejection, you can survive this. Right. He’s got this, remember?

The first thing he notices when he walks in the room, is that Eliott is already in the room, but instead of sitting on a chair, he’s crouched on a desk, reading a book. That’s… odd. The second thing he notices is that there’s nobody else there. He scratches his throat, hoping to get his attention without having to say anything. Eliott looks up at him, gives a quick smile and closes the book, hops off of the table and walks towards him in long strides. ‘Hi. I’m Eliott’ He looks almost shy as he introduces himself to Lucas with his hands in his pockets, and Lucas has to bite back an I know who you are. ‘Hey. I am Lucas. Uhm, do you know where the teacher went?’Eliott scrunches up his shoulders, ‘He said he has to do some grading, he left the assignment on the table but I thought I would wait for you to get here to get started. Thank you, by the way, for helping me. It means a lot.’Lucas looks down, he was not expecting a compliment from Eliott, let alone during their first interaction.‘Oh, well. There is no need to thank me. We don’t know how it will go. Besides, I’m also doing this for myself.’He looks around for the assignment to have something else to do and gives it a quick read.‘Okay, so, it looks like our first task is to observe the reproductive process of the palominos snails. It says here that they are more reproductive when they are happy, and to try out different environments for the snails to see which makes them the happiest.’

They start to work in silent, watching the tank, and every once in a while, he can feel Eliott looking at him. After the first few times his curiosity wins out his nerves. He looks back. It’s weird. It’s not as scary as he thought it would be, working with Eliott, sitting with him. Eliott’s got kind eyes, and a nice smile, that grows encouragingly when he sees that Lucas is looking back at him. It’s intoxicating, and he can’t help but smile back.

‘Care to tell me what a smart guy like you is doing in the buddy program? I thought this was only for people who try to become president or something, wanting to have the extra credits so that it looks good. But something tells me you’re not the type. Am I wrong?’It’s the most Eliott has said to him yet, and it startles him a little bit. How much is he willing to tell, what is essentially, a complete stranger? A very hot stranger, but non the less a stranger. There’s something in his tone of voice, though, that tells him that he genuinely doesn’t get it and wants to understand. ‘You’re not wrong. Let’s just say… I am not that financially stable, and the guidance counselor told me about this buddy program and about the fact that it could help me gain a scholarship. Something about the extra credits and compensating my lower grades. It’s a longshot, probably, but I would try anything right about now. So, yeah. That’s it, I guess.’He looks up to find Eliott looking at him with an understanding look in his eyes. ‘That sucks. Really. I hope you get that scholarship. I know you are smart enough for it.’Lucas snorts, because, who does Eliott think he is talking to? They don’t know each other.‘That’s a little presumptuous, don’t you think? Just because I am helping you out doesn’t mean I am actually smart.’  Eliott looks away but can’t seem to help but smile a little bit. ‘Well, no, it’s not that. It’s just that I’ve heard some stuff about you. Idriss is my best friend, and sometimes when I am over at his place, I hear Imane complain about you, saying that it’s not fair that you are that smart.’Lucas can’t believe what he is hearing: ‘Really? Oh God, I am sorry Eliott but I have got to rub this into her face. Thanks for telling me’ They start laughing so hard, it feels like an invisible curtain has been lifted, like the ice has finally been broken. Right at that moment, his phone rings. Because of course it does. It’s Mika.‘Shit, uhm, I gotta take this, be right back’ Eliott just nods at him with a smile, and Lucas walks out of the classroom to take the call.‘What is it, Mika? You know I am busy.’‘I am sorry, chatton, but it’s an emergency. The bathroom is flooded and I need you to go to the hardware store and get some supplies because the plumber isn’t able to make it tonight. I couldn’t call any later because the store closes in like, one hour. I am trying my best to clean this place up but it’s literally no use if we can’t fix the leak. Please?’Lucas groans and closes his eyes, leaning back against the door. ‘Fine. Text me the supplies.’‘Thank you thank you thank you. See you soon, hopefully’

He quickly explains the situation to Eliott and apologizes, asks if he is okay with finishing up for the day and if he can meet up again tomorrow after school.‘Of course, it would be my pleasure’ Eliott shoots back at him, and oh God. He can’t believe this is happening. He is falling even harder than before. ‘Thanks for your patience, Eliott. I am really sorry. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow’ Eliott grins mischievously: ‘Can’t wait.’ Lucas grins back at him, can’t remember the last time he smiled this much.And that’s his cue to leave. When did he get this bold? He kind of likes the way it’s making him feel.

The bathroom situation is a mess, but they managed to fix it eventually. Mika keeps asking him about his ‘date’ with Eliott, and Lucas keeps shooting him down, saying that it’s not a date and that there never will be a date, and to mind his own business. But there is a small part of him, in the back of his mind, that is whispering: what if?

Even though his mind has been racing a mile a minute ever since leaving that classroom yesterday, he still feels better than he did before meeting up with Eliott. Somehow, talking with him, exchanging stories and laughing together, made him realize that Eliott is just another guy, in the end. Don’t get him wrong, to Lucas Eliott is still very much someone special, but he isn’t the scary and cool model he had made him out to be in his head. He was gentle, open, and he seemed interested in getting to know more about Lucas. Replaying their interactions during the day made him that much more excited to see him again at the end of the day, even if it was just to finish up the assignment.

This time, the nerves he felt when walking into the classroom were very different than the ones he felt yesterday. One thing stayed the same: the first thing he saw, was Eliott. But he wasn’t sitting on a table, he was staring at the tank where one of the snails was suppose to be in. It didn’t take Lucas long to realize why Eliott was staring at it: the snail was not there anymore.

‘Eliott? What happened here?’Eliott turned around with a shocked look on his face.‘Okay, so, I can explain. I think. When you left yesterday, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about that the snails reproduce more when they are happy? So, I kind of couldn’t figure out why we separated them. What if they just wanted to have more company? Give them a choice on who to mate with? I saw that there was another tank at the window with a snail in it, and I put it in there. I thought it would be cute, watch them communicate or something. And uhm, I guess I did not read the fine print on the other tank that said ‘carnivorous snail’ and I am so so sorry, Lucas, I really am. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking, actually. I was just. Daydreaming, I guess. It seemed like a good idea at the time and now I am rambling.’Lucas blinks at him, he knows he should be annoyed with this, but he just can’t seem to find the strength to get mad. All that he can focus on is the fact that Eliott was daydreaming and he wonders what about, how pathetic could he be?

‘I know I screwed up. Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything’

Lucas hated the way Eliott was looking at him right now. Like he was afraid Lucas would get angry or run away or something. He lets out a heavy sigh.‘Eliott, I am not mad. Well, I am, but only about the fact that you apparently didn’t listen to me yesterday when I explained to you that palominos snails are single sexed. They don't need another organism to reproduce.’Eliott blushes at that, biting the inside of his cheek: ‘You are right, I should have payed more attention. In my defense, I kind of have been wanting to talk to you for a long time now and I got distracted a lot yesterday.’Eliott somehow had gotten closer to him while he was talking, forcing Lucas to tilt his head up to talk to him: ‘Distracted why?’His heart was pounding in his chest, but this was it. This was the moment of truth.‘Because admiring you from afar was great, sure, but talking to you? Getting to know you a little bit? It was better than I could have imagined’‘You admired me? Until yesterday, I didn’t even think you knew who I was.’Lucas was dumbfounded, how was this real life?‘You caught my intention even before Imane mentioned you, you know. There is just something about you.’Lucas’ eyes slide to Eliott’s lips, he feels his breath hitch in his throat. ‘You caught mine, too.’Eliott seems to take this as a sign, closing the small distance left between them to cup his face and ask: ‘Is it okay if I kiss you?’Before Eliott gets the chance to say anything else, Lucas rushes out a ‘Please do’ and then they are. Lucas doesn’t have a lot of experience with kissing. He kissed a few girls here and there. But it was never like this. It never felt like he could do this forever, like they have been doing this forever. It’s like speaking a second language you didn’t even know existed. They break apart, and Eliott breaks the silence first: ‘I bet this experience can be turned into a great essay for Human Relations, so maybe all is not lost after all.’ Lucas laughs and leans into Eliott, whose arms wrap around his back while he rests his head on top of his. ‘I hope you are right, because I am not going out to search for other snails’

[twdmusicboxmystery]

How the Carzekiel Breakup is Actually a Good Thing for TD

Sorry, once again. I said I’d do details today but I’m pushing that by one more day. Why? In small part because the fandom is freaking out about the Carol/Daryl/Carzekiel situation (like 25%) and in larger part (like 75%) because I didn’t have time to write my details post. This one was already written. ;D

So as far as this subject goes, everyone take a deep breath, calm down, and stop listening to the shippers.

 In terms of the jealousy question...

Realistically I do think there's some jealousy going on here. But NOT romantic jealousy. This is not a we’re-both-in-love-with-Carol-so-let’s-fight-over-her kind of jealousy. Not at all.

So what is it? 

It's obvious that Carol is leaning on Daryl a lot in the wake of Henry's death. She really shouldn't be doing that. She ought to lean on Ezekiel, both because he's her husband and also because Henry was their son. Zeke is grieving too. So, I think Zeke is jealous of Daryl, but not because he thinks Carol is in love with Daryl or vice versa, but because he wants Carol to lean on him and share her grief with him, rather than Daryl.

It’s one of those things that doesn't have a right or easy answer. I can’t judge Carol for this. She's dealing with her grief any way she can, and the death of the child is unimaginable. Not to mention, Daryl was there for her when Sophia died, and has always been there for her in the past, so she's really just gravitating towards something she knows from experience will help.

And that in itself is pretty messed up. I mean, how many times has Carol gone through this? How many kids has she lost? So, I have a hard time being mad at her for leaning on Daryl rather than Ezekiel.

But I understand Ezekiel’s point of view as well. Of course he wants Carol to lean on him. Of course he doesn't want to lose her. And Daryl, even as just a platonic friend, is standing in the way of that.

Annnnd…we know Daryl is her best friend and always has been. If she were leaning on Zeke in this time of grief, he would support that and even think it was the healthiest thing she could do. But on the other hand, if she's in pain and wants him around to help her, you know he's going to be there for her. She was there for him even when he didn't want her to be in 5x10 after Beth.

In fact, he pretty much said this in the episode. When Zeke asked him to step aside, his question was what Carol wanted.

I also want throw this out there, and it will probably get me some hate, but it's the truth. The writers have told us many times that Daryl and Carol have a mother/son relationship. Certain shippers will deny that the high heaven, but it has been mentioned many times. The two instances that jump to mind are in Consumed when Carol says, "You used to be a boy. Now your man." That something a mother says to a son. A woman doesn’t say that to an equal or lover. That would be kinda gross and creepy. 

 Then, after the cabin scene in 7x10, (another time the shippers claimed Caryl would happen, but it didn't) Norman said that Daryl looked at her like "Mommy, why did you leave me?" And the shippers got really mad and railed against Norman for saying that because they knew it showed the mother/son relationship. Now they do everything they can to discredit it, but that doesn't take away what Norman said. Bottom line, Norman would know, and he wouldn’t say it without the express consent of the writers.

The reason I'm pointing this out is that Carol just lost her son, Henry. Gravitating toward someone else she also has a mother/son relationship with is…actually kind of understandable.

So, everybody's doing the best they can, and reacting from a place of good intentions, but grief is messy. Carol ought to rely on Ezekiel rather than Daryl, because that would be the logical thing to do. But how often do people actually handle grief that logically?

The answer is never.

Where are they going with this? Predictions:

Okay, this part is more of a prediction than anything else. Carzekiel breaking up serves three purposes that me and my theorist peeps can tell.

1)A nod to the comic books. Creds to @bluesandbeth for this because, not only is this a great insight but it she told me some things that I didn't know about the comic book arc involving Ezekiel.

What I did know:

1. It's Michonne who is Ezekiel’s lover in the comic books, not Carol. Which means any nod to the comic book arc will happen with Carol, rather than Michonne.

2. Ezekiels is dies and is piked by the Whisperers in the comic books. Michonne, out of grief, leaves TF for about two years.

What I didn't know:

Apparently, sometime before Ezekiel dies, Michonne breaks up with him. She had two daughters in CBs, both of whom died, and she was grief stricken about their deaths. She didn't think she was worthy of Ezekiel's love. So, she broke up with him. Sound familiar?

So sequence goes like this: Michonne breaks up with Ezekiel, then sometime after that Ezekiel is killed by the Whisperers. Michonne is grief-stricken not only because of his death, but because she never went back to see him and tell him that she still loved him and she was sorry she left. So that leaves her grief very unresolved.

Guys, this is where they're going with Carol. Carol has lost two children now that mirror Michonne’s daughters in the CB. But I actually think they split this arc in half for Carol. Remember Lizzie and Mika? 

Back in S4, Carol lost two girls she'd been caring for in a really terrible way. (I’ve said this before but go back and watch the convo she has with Tyreese after Mica dies but before she kills Lizzie. It’s obvious that, while she’s talking about Lizzie, she’s applying what she’s saying to herself as well.) At that point, she specifically said she was not worthy to be with TF and kept trying to leave. Daryl is the one who stopped her in S5. She didn't end up leaving until S6, and her leaving specifically led to her finding Ezekiel, which is the relationship that healed her.

So, we've already been told that Ezekiel's “death" is coming up. I’ve said it will be a death fake out (more about that in a minute, and how this kind of shows that that's the case) but the point is that Carol breaking up with Ezekiel mirrors the comic book arc of Michonne breaking up with Ezekiel and then it will lead to his death (or “death”) which will give Carol a lot of grief because she never went back and told Zeke how much she loved him and was sorry she left.

So, actually her breaking with Zeke is very important to what's coming next in her arc. At no point does a random hookup with Daryl enter the equation.

Now, this by itself doesn't prove Ezekiel will have a death fake out rather than a real death, but check this out:

I said in THIS POST that the women Beth mentions in her line, (Michonne, Carol, Maggie, and Beth herself) will all be one half of a couple that has a death fake out arc.

I've realize now that in each one, there is a short separation of the couple before the death fake out and the one left behind feels really guilty about something. Let's take a look:

Glaggie. Glenn's death fake out happened in S6. Maggie and Glenn were separated for a short time because he was helping with Operation Lead the Walkers Away and then he suddenly disappeared. We saw Maggie’s guilt when she talked to Aaron in the tunnel. She says she wished she had gone with Glenn and maybe she could have helped him. Now she doesn't get to know what will happen or whether what she did was right or wrong. She had severe guilt that she probably would've dealt with the rest of her life if Glenn had died in that incident.

But, lo and behold, Glenn was alive and made it back safely to live another…er, season before his actual death. But I think Maggie was able to be a strong leader at Hilltop and deal with his death in such a healthy way (given the circumstances) because she did get to see him again, she did get to tell him how much she loved him, and she knew that he died knowing that.

(A shorter way of saying this is that the show doesn’t leave loose ends, especially between true love characters. There has to be closure before death, and obviously with Beth and Daryl…)

Bethyl. I doubt I need to recount this for you, but they were separated for short time because she was taken to Grady. Before her death fake out happened, Daryl did see her again, but he never got to talk to her or embrace her or tell her how he felt about her. And of course we’ve seen for many seasons the guilt he has over not being able to save her.

(We could even parallel what happened there with Glaggie, because remember that when Glenn first got back to Alexandria in 6x09, he almost died. He was surrounded by walkers and Maggie screamed because she thought he would die. It's very much what happened with Beth and Daryl, except that Daryl doesn't know Beth lived, where Maggie saw that Glenn did.)

Richonne. They had a relatively small separation. I think she saw him the day before, but he was out working on the bridge rather than being in Alexandria with her. She did see him for a brief moment on the bridge—just like Glaggie and Bethyl—before it exploded and his death fake out began, but was unable to hug him or talk to him or tell him she loved him one last time. Especially through her conversations with Daryl this season, we seen Michonne’s regrets and guilt over this.

Now we have Carzekiel. I’m telling you guys, this is where they're going with it. They’ll be separated because Carol leaves him and then when he dies (“dies”), she’ll have great guilt. Based on how closely paralleled these are (and, you know, the Sirius/serious piggyback symbols we’ve seen around Carzekiel) it will be a death fake out. I just don't know how long it will last. So in a way, this breakup supports my Carzekiel/Death Fake out theory. And if Richonne, Glaggie and Carzekiel all have death fake outs, then per Beth’s line in Still, her death is a fake out too.

Parallels with Season 5:

This came to me partly from Ezekiel asking Daryl to leave and partly from something the ingenious @thegloriouscollectorlady said. So, creds to her.

I had the thought that Daryl and Carol being together again in the same community might be a parallel to S5 when the two of them ran off to Atlanta together to find Beth. That was really the extent of it for me. Just a possible parallel to S5, and for any more details, I’d have to wait and see how things play out.

But @thegloriouscollectorlady went into more detail about that, and when we learned about Daryl and Zeke’s conversation, it all came together for me. Plus there’s the fact that Daryl talks to Carol about taking Lydia off on their own and protect her himself. Carol says no. All these things play into what I’m about to suggest.

What I'm seeing is a role reversal for Daryl and Carol. In S5, Carol tried to run off on her own and Daryl stopped her. Now Daryl is trying to off in his own (albeit with Lydia) and Carol stops him. That made me realize that this is a huge, huge parallel—way more than I originally realized—to S5.

Carol leaving Ezekiel and going where Daryl is sort of parallels the two of them being together (along with the others) in Father Gabriel’s church in S5. In fact, go back farther than that. Rick kicked Carol out of the prison in S4. So she was apart from them for a while. Similarly, she’s been apart from the others for a time, living with Ezekile at the Kingdom. Her going to live with Daryl parallels her reuniting with TF after Terminus in S5. Then she and Daryl head off to Atlanta together to look for Beth.

I think at some point next season, Daryl will actually try to leave with Lydia and Carol will either stop him or go after him, just as he did with her in 5x02. Carol and Daryl taking off together in 5x02 led to them figuring out where Beth was, and Carol being captured by the Grady people. I think the same will happen here. I think this is a parallel to S5 that will lead to Beth.

What’s all that got to do with Ezekiel? Couple of things.

1. We actually saw a lot of foreshadows of Carol and Ezekiel/the kingdom in Consumed. (Tiger on her bunk; the fact that she was there for the beginning of this fake out arc, which might because she’ll have one of her own, left behind and losing the one she loves, just like Daryl. I’m also thinking about the mother/child walkers they saw there. That symbolism proved that Carol’s entire arc—like, throughout the whole series—is about lost children. It foreshadowed her losing children as well, which happened both before she met Ezekiel (Sam) and after (Henry).) So this sequence may lead not only to Beth but to Ezekiel's death fake out as well.

2. Logistically, Ezekiel and Carol have to be apart for this to happen. If she is living in one community, and Daryl and another, she won’t know that Daryl is trying to leave with Lydia and so won’t be able to follow him or stop him. If she, Daryl and Ezekiel are all in the same community, Ezekiel would either try to stop her from going or go with her. That would get in the way of his death fake out arc. Not to mention, he’d kind of been the way in the middle of this Daryl/Carol/finding Beth arc. The writers had to come up with a way to separate Carol and Ezekiel for short time to make all this happen.

If you need proof of how things that happened in S4 parallel future events on the show, read @thegloriouscollectorlady’s 4 Arcs for 4 Communities post. Pretty much everything she said in that has come true, which proves the writers set things up exactly this way.

Also check out THIS POST I wrote before 9x07 aired. Most of what I said there came true too.

Do you understand why Carol leaving Ezekiel for Daryl doesn’t bother me? It’s part of her larger arc and will lead to what comes next, but what come next isn’t romance for Carol and Daryl now any more than it was in S5.

So yeah. That’s pretty much what I wanted to say today. Hope that helps everyone feel a little better about all the Carol/Daryl/Zeke stuff. Just ignore the shippers and try to have a good hiatus.

I promise, promise, PROMISE my next post will be the details post. Promise…promise.

[sapphireillustrations]

Meant to be Yours CHAPTER 8 (Ereri/EreMika)

Eren stayed quiet in the back seat, fidgeting with his hands as Annie drove them to her house. Her house was a little bigger than most, Eren supposed you just got all the best things in life handed to you on a silver platter if your parents were just as successful as her Father. The reclusive Mr. Leonheart was usually hidden most times but his presence throughout the city was defiantly known. In reality though, they were like anyone else, just untouchable and possibly perfect in the most evil way possible, he guessed that just being cunning and convincing was the way to live to be like that. And Eren was going to have to do anything Annie told him to tonight if he wanted to stay in the form of solid teflon himself for the rest of his last school year. College was just too far away right now, regardless of it just being one more year out of reach.

He slightly wished his parents moved him up faster like they wanted to beforehand in the first place... Then maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't be in this mess. A sudden phrase echoed in his mind "If you wanna fuck with the eagles, you gotta learn how to fly." Eren hated almost anything and everything that came out of Annies mouth, but that... Made sense. for tonight at least anyway.

Eren sighed, he wasn't ready for whatever fresh Hell they were gonna put him through tonight. He blinked when he noticed cars starting to pull up in the streets, recognizing half of the people and vehicles easily. Was the party starting already?...

"What's up with your face?" Asked Annie, almost appalled as she looked over her shoulder at him.

"Nothing... I, er, just didn't expect this many people..."

"People love me apparently." She shrugged casually, tilting the rear-view mirror down to re-apply her ruby red lipstick before getting out of the car. With a click of her fingers, the others followed her out, including Eren.

People were already starting to fill the main room, there was already kegs set up prior and assortments of alcohol with a punch bowl in the centre on a table surrounded by disposable plastic red cups.

"How did you even get this much alcohol...? No that I'm complaining, I think I'll need it..." Eren muttered towards the end

Annie scoffed "Are you serious?" She shook her head "Whatever, don't question it. Just drink and do what I say when I say it."

"Was that an order?..."

"What do you think?"

"Hey, no need to tell me twice..." He grabbed some much needed alcohol, filling his cup to the brim and chugging it down easily, wiping his mouth on his sleeve afterwards and getting another much needed drink.

It wasn't until Eren casually glanced out the window that he choked on his drink, seeing a beat up dark blue car pull up outside "Oh shit..."

Annie noticed and smirked "Getting an idea of the type of situation now, are we?"

"No... No, no, no, Annie, you've already made me mess with her enough. She looks so freaking hopeful and it's killing me... It's not you that'll hurt her, it's me... Don't make me say anything to her that'll destroy her, please, she's my best friend, she's done nothing wrong..." He begged

Annie raised an eyebrow "She exists." She stated simply

"You can't be fucking serious!"

A pissed off but cold expression quickly took over the blondes face, even though Eren was taller, her shorter stature didn't make her any less terrifying "Stop making a scene and go talk to your Girlfriend." Annie shoved him into Mikasa as soon as she entered the door so he wouldn't continue making a scene over morals.

"Ah, shit, sorry... Hey..." He swallowed nervously "What are you doing here?..." He rubbed the back of his neck

"Hi, Eren." She smiled "I knew you were gonna be here and I sort of wanted to hang out. That's not weird, is it?"

"N-No, not at all... We're friends, right?"

"Um... Right..."

He kicked himself over that expression that flashed across her face for a second. He noticed Annie with the others signalling him from the other side of the room to go over.

Shit.

"Uh, I'll be right back, Mikasa."

He stopped when he made a turn to walk over to the evil blonde, feeling Mikasa tug on his sleeve lightly

"Where are you going?..."

"Annie wants me for something or whatever, she keeps signalling me. Someone has to do her bidding you know." He rolled his eyes with a fake small smile

"Why does that someone have to be you? I know they're you're new and improved friends or whatever but you always look miserable around them..." She frowned slightly

"Hey, I didn't say they beat you. You win by miles, trust me. No one could replace you, Mika. You've been my friend for... Well, forever." He smiled sheepishly and left, getting another drink on the way.

"So, is the bitch enjoying herself yet?" Annie mused, keeping an eye on the dark haired girl as she sipped from her cup leisurely "She should feel honoured she's even here."

"Don't call her that..." Eren sighed sadly "Annie, please don't make me go through with whatever the Hell it is you're gonna do... I don't want any part in it..."

"Oh relax, Eren. Come on, it's... Harmless. Trust me. When have I ever steered you wrong?" She smirked "Exactly, never. Now..." She continued without giving him a chance to say anything "Let's just call this a prank, alright? It's painfully obvious that she's still head over heels for you."

"Pfft, yeah, it's kind of pathetic idolizing someone like that for years. Especially some childhood friend or whatever. It's sad really." Ymir commented "Someone needs to give her a good hard kick so she can move on."

"Don't you think it's kind of sweet she still adores him?..." Krista asked

"Not in the slightest."

"Yeah, it's kinda creepy actually..." Annie agreed with Ymir, cringing at the thought "Which is exactly why she needs a reality check. A kick, like Ymir said. Hell, maybe she'll even thank us" She mused

"And we can't just leave her alone because?..."

"Well she has to pay some sort of price for actually going through with showing her face at my party."

"But-"

"But nothing. Are we gonna have a problem? What the Hell sort of bone are you trying to pick with me?" Annie glared at him "Do you really want to go back to being some no-name loser? You've come so far, so stop pulling my freaking dick, Eren or I swear to God I'll slap the stupid face of yours off clean, and everyone here will watch. I'm actually being nice in giving you a chance to finally prove yourself as worthy. As one of us."

Eren stayed silent, keeping his head down. Annie smirked "That's what I thought. Now shut up and let me explain what exactly is going to happen here..."

* * *

Erens eyes widened once her evil plan was explained to him, almost being too shocked to even speak, he almost couldn't believe it. This would kill her for sure...

Could he really go through with something like that? Help hurt the very person that's been watching his back since they were kids? Eren was pretty sure an actual knife to her back would be less painful for her to endure...

If he wanted things to stay like this, he'd have to... God, he was gonna hate himself even more in the morning... Over the disgust in himself for his desire for an easy school life for a change, just for just one more year and the self inflicted hangover he was going to make himself have. After all, there couldn't possibly be enough alcohol to go through once he was finished with this diabolical plan. He was going to become just as much of a monster as Annie was.

"I'm going to Hell..." He muttered as he gulped down more liquid courage, watching Annie and the two mindless cattle go upstairs giggling amongst themselves. He only groaned more seeing them coaxing Reiner and Bertholt in on the plan before they followed them upstairs too "Fucking- How the Hell is any of this supposed to be funny?..." He finished another drink quickly, hoping the alcohol would quickly work it's magic already in making him feel like less of a shitty person, before making his way over to Mikasa again.

"What did the blonde demon want with you?" She asked, taking a sip of her own drink as venom filled the nickname she had given her over the few years

"Ah, nothing, something stupid... Really, really really stupid..."

"Eren, are you okay?..." She looked to him in concern and he knew right then and there that she was too good to be his friend.

Might as well get this over and done with so she can find someone better to hang around with...

"I'm fine. Listen, you um... Wanna get out of here? Like go upstairs or something? I was hoping we could talk about..." He swallowed thickly, feeling like a large piece of glass was stuck in his throat "About that... Note... I left you..."

She perked up slightly, her eyes almost flashing and giving away her sudden intense feeling of hope and excitement of rekindling something from so long ago "Y-Yeah, sure... Lead the way."

Eren silently nodded and made his way upstairs, secretly hoping she'd get lost on the way so he could run and hide and so she wouldn't have to go through what she was about to. He glanced over his shoulder and sure enough, like always, she was right behind him. Eren sighed and chewed on the inside of his cheek, everything inside him screaming no. He brought a hand up to his mouth, starting to gnaw on it. The slight pain a welcoming distraction.

He stopped outside the door he knew would only lead to further pain and misery, placing his hand on the knob, hesitant before turning it and opening the door, revealing a dimly lit room with only a small lamp on in a corner. He walked inside and stood in the middle of the room, turning around and glancing at Mikasa when she closed the door behind herself.

"So, Mikasa..."

"You don't need to say much Eren, your note spoke most of it for you, it was... Sweet." She smiled to herself before looking up to him "I... I always knew there was still something there, and I was right... I..." She laughed, breathing a happy sigh of relief "I actually couldn't be more happy... I didn't know you still felt the same, and you do... God, I thought I was being so stupid holding on to these feelings from those years ago..."

"You're not stupid, Mikasa..." He frowned "Never call yourself that..." He sighed sadly and looked down "I'm the stupid one, trust me..."

"We don't need to act like kids anymore you know... We are at a high school party after all..." She shyly looked away, blushing lightly and wrapping her arms around herself "We're older now..."

Eren blinked, this was going exactly how Annie wanted, if not, better.

"Fuck... You're not saying..."

She nodded, getting the courage to look him in the eyes and he just knew she meant it. She took a hesitant step closer to him before getting a little more confident with each small step closer to the person she's always adored.

"Eren, we're practically adults so... Be an adult with me, that note made it clear you wanted to try new things..." She glanced down to her shirt and back at him, starting to unbutton it "So let's try new things together..."

Eren swallowed thickly, feeling a fire burn on his face "M-Mika..."

She took a gentle hold of his wrist and brought his hand up, placing it firmly on one of her breasts just over where her heart was beating rapidly "You don't have to be so nervous or even say anything, I've been waiting a long time for this..." She smiled shyly, a light blush on her pale cheeks.

She was leaning in to kiss him as Erens eyes widened, everything, including his hand, frozen in place. Everything in his head was a confusing storm of emotions that made him want to both scream and disappear. Mikasa blinked in confusion, stopping for a moment to look around the room "Uh... Eren, did you hear something?..."

Erens blood ran ice cold and Mikasas suspicions were confirmed when Ymir fell out the bedroom closet first, erupting in a fit of laugher "Oh my God, you little Slut! That was was golden! Oh Jesus, everyone's gonna want a piece of you!" She held her stomach as she continued laughing harder.

"W-What the Hell?!..." Mikasa blushed darkly in embarrassment, stumbling back a bit and closing her shirt up with shaking hands "E-Eren, I thought we were alone... Did... Did you know?..."

Annies well known laughter came next as she gracefully came out the closet afterwards with her phone in hand that had been on and recording the whole time from her hiding position, the other three coming out from their positions under the bed, laughing in unison.

"Of course he knew, and now everyone else will know just how much of a little slut you really are." She smirked sadistically, pointing the camera of her phone right in front of her pained face, capturing everything.

"Eren, how could you?! How could you set me up like that?! What did I ever do to you?!..." Mikasa felt tears run down her face as she quickly ran out of the room with her head down, clasping her hand over her mouth to conceal her sobs as she held her shirt closed together tightly with white knuckles.

"Aw, don't let the door hit you on the way out, Sweetie!" Annie called after her harshly

"M-Mikasa! Shit, waiit! I... I'm sorry!" Eren went to go and run after her only to get roughly pulled back by Annie

"What the Hell do you think you're doing? You're done here, you don't have to go near her anymore. We took care of that thing you called a friendship with her. Disgusting."

Eren huffed, seeing Mikasas heart break with his own eyes and her tear-struck face was enough. If this is what it meant to be 'popular', he wanted nothing more to do with it. He clenched his jaw and snatched Annies phone from her hands, moving quickly and throwing it out the open window, into her backyard pool. He could still feel his body shake from anger and regret, even as he watched it sink to the bottom, the screen glitching out before eventually shutting down.

"Eren, what the fuck do you think you've just done...?!" Annie roared "That's it." She laughed menacingly "You're done. You're Finished. By Monday, I'll make sure you're the scum of the school. Everyone is gonna know your name for all the wrong reasons. Transfer to any other school in the state you want because no one here will bother with your stupid existence! I made you who you are, I let you into our group and this, this is how you repay me?! Breaking my phone, which is actually worth more than your life by the way, and ruining what would have been the best prank ever recorded?! You know you just did that all for nothing then, right? Poor sad little Mikasa..." She smirked "This is the end for you, you blew it. Hard. You messed things up for her as well as you, stupid fuck." She placed her hands on her hips

"Yeah, well, pranks are supposed to be funny for everyone... Mikasa wasn't laughing, Annie. Fill free to clean up my mess here, I don't care, I never wanted to be one of you anyway, you're a fucking Monster..."

She simply smirked again "Good." She clicked her fingers and Reiner and Bertholt made a move towards him. His eyes widened and he swore he never ran faster in his life.

[srrkhsdk]

Things that I didn't know before becoming a mom.

1) SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

I thought that it would be fine for me as I am an insomniac. I thought wrong. It is very tiring especially when I can't even get some rest during the day. Getting two hours of sleep is already good enough for the first three months. Once, Haikal and I slept for two hours and our sleep never felt so long and good.

So to all moms to be, better get all your sleep and be well rested before the baby comes out. 😆 The baby will demand for milk every two hours. And if you are expecting a boy and planning to breastfeed, he will be feeding every hour! (Will talk about this more later under breastfeeding!)

2) YOU ARE EXPECTED TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

Being a mother doesnt comes with instructions. You are expected to know everything the moment the baby is out ON YOUR OWN.

"Why is he crying all the time?" "Does he need to get his diaper change? Does he want milk? "Is his tummy upset? Is he feeling cold?" And all the other 1001 questions come into mind. Then when you cant figure out what the baby wants, you will feel like you are not a good mom.

And what's worst? When outsiders commenting why are you doing this and that to your baby and making you feel like a bad mom. TAKE NOTE THAT EVERY BABY IS DIFFERENT. Your baby is different from mine. And our parenting is different too.

For example, I do not want Mika to suck on pacifier. And you will hear people saying all sorts of things just because of one fucking pacifier. LIKE CMONNNN LAAAA MY SON OR YOUR SON?!

You are expected to know how to change the baby's diaper, wipe their poo, feed them, bath them, and LATCH THEM😭 I swear to God I felt like crying the first month when I breastfeed Mika. I don't know how to and watching videos on youtube IS NOT HELPING ME OUT. I almost wanted to give up but I know breast milk is good for babies. AND I WANT THE BEST FOR MIKA.

3) BREASTFEEDING IS NOT EASY

Continuation....

SO YES. IT MAY LOOK EASY TO BREAST FEED BUT IT SURE TAKES A LOT OF PRACTICE. Alhamdulillah Mika helped me out. He is such an easy baby. 😭 It was very very stressful at first, and Haikal gave me his support by giving up all his pillows for me to support my hand and back😆 My PD told me it will take roughly around one month for Mika and I to bond.

Engorgement is fucking painful ok. Your breasts feel heavy and tight so pump and feed your baby regularly to avoid engorgement! I dont fully breastfeed because Mika drinks like A LOTTTTT! And my milk supply doesnt match his needs. So I have to mix his feedings with infant formula.

I didnt know at first that there is a major difference between a baby boy and a baby girl. I was super duper stress the first day when Mika came home because Mika demands to be fed every fucking hour. The nurses didnt like warn or tell me anything. And I already had problems latching him. He cried every hour and I was like 'eh dia ni tk kenyang kenyang ke?' I know he cries not because of full diaper or sleepy but milk.

So I asked around and found out that it is normal for a baby boy to feed every hour (only applies to breastfeeding) because normally a boy needs more food intake than a girl. And breast milk digests faster than formula milk so they tend to get hungry faster.

!!!! AND SOMETIMES THEY MAY LATCH FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR BECAUSE THEY JUST FUCKING WANT "COMFORT" AND NOT MILK! SO YUP THAT IS A BABY BOY FOR YOU !!! I ever had Mika latching for more than 1 hour and I got so tired 😔

4) YOUR LIFE HAS CHANGED.

I plan doing laundry around Mika's nap time. I have to eat fast before Mika wakes up and cries for milk. I have to shower fast too. Basically whatever I do, I cannot take my own sweet time.

I cannot remember when was the last time I had my "me time". You can forget about going out with your friends too because you are simply just too tired to do anything. And guess what? I used to be not a morning person but now I wake up early every day. I AM SO AMAZED. HAHAHA.

5) NOT ONLY YOUR LIFE CHANGED, BUT YOUR BODY TOO.

You can forget about your pre-pregnancy body as your body will never be the same like it used to. There will be stretch marks around your tummy and boobies. My belly button looks so weird to me now. My rashes left marks around my leg.

7) POST PARTUM DEPRESSION IS REALLLLL!

I ever question why one would feel so depressed after giving birth to a cute baby. Dont they love their own baby?

But after giving birth to one, I feel like I had one myself. I was always crying at night and got easily triggered. I feel like shit too looking at myself in the mirror. I dont feel good about myself anymore and i feel like a cow giving milk to its baby. I feel so lonely although I have Mika. Sometimes, you just need the support and love from everyone around you.

8) CONFINEMENT PERIOD IS SUCHA BORE

I dont exactly follow the 44 days pantang. I didnt eat my jamu too. I lied to my mom that I ate though. It sucks and I dont like it. The pilis is soooo messy, I remember I got so annoyed that I cant wait to recover fast to clean up my room. The only thing that I like was the massage!

9) LAST BUT NOT LEAST.... CONTRACTIONS DURING LABOUR ARE FUCKING PAINFUL. 😭

I still have trauma up till today. And I could still recall when the doctor had to stitch my bawah. Ok shuddup.

But at the end of the day, when I look at Mika... It is all worth it. IT REALLY IS. I HAVE NEVER LOVED SOMEONE THIS MUCH BEFORE. 😭

[symphonicwinds]

Sophia reviews P5 Confidants Pt. 2

If you haven’t read the explanation/seen the first part of this series, please click here! This part covers Arcanas 5 - 9 (Hierophant to Hermit). As always, this post contains late ass spoilers so please read at your own risk! 

The next part will cover the next 4 -5 arcanas, so stay tuned!

V. HIEROPHANT – SOUJIRO SAKURA

BEST LINK IN THE GAME.

Sorry. I just, holy shit you guys. Soujiro’s link is the best link in the entire game. Hands down. No question. I love Soujiro so much.

I think Soujiro’s link succeeds where other links don’t in a few ways.

1.       Coffee/curry making

The coffee/curry making mechanic is great because not only does it allow you to make SP healing items, but it allows you to bond with Soujiro outside of his social link. You also get to learn new facts about coffee, similar to Catherine’s alcohol system, making it pretty much my favourite nighttime mechanic. It makes Soujiro’s social link easier to max, it gives you an SP healing item and you get to hang out with Soujiro, who is like, the best non-party member in the game. There is no downside to making coffee.

2.       Futaba and Soujiro in one link? Sign me the fuck up

I’ve mentioned before that Persona 5’s confidants are great because they often involve other characters outside of the protagonist. Soujiro’s confidant is unique in that it heavily involves Futaba, rather than a minor character. So not only do you get character development from Soujiro, you also get character development for Futaba! Seeing them bond and become closer is the most heart warming thing in the entire game. You can also see how much Soujiro loves Futaba, not just because she’s the daughter of the woman he loved, but for herself, and seeing how far he’ll go to protect her (and later you) literally melts my heart.

3.       Soujiro gradually warms up to you

At the beginning of the game, Soujiro treats you as little more than a burden to him, and often threatens that he’ll kick you out if you cause any trouble. However, as you advance his confidant, he slowly warms up to you, and by the end of it you, him and Futaba are basically an adopted family. And can I just say that this family dynamic is great because it emphasises that everyone chooses to be together? It’s definitely a family built on love and trust, created over time and I absolutely adore the Sakura family.

4.       Great dynamic between strength and vunerability

While you see Soujiro at a lot of his weakest moments throughout his story (main story and social link), Soujiro never appears weak, in a way where he needs rescuing. Obviously you do end up rescuing him in the way of stealing Futaba’s uncle’s heart, but he never shows signs of weakness throughout the game. He is incredibly resilient, which is admirable, but you know that he is not perfect and that he is incredibly vunerable, especially when it comes to Futaba. It creates this weird mix between wanting to protect him, but also respecting him for his own strength, which he has in spades.

5.       Great synergy between main conflict and side conflict

Soujiro’s social link succeeds where Haru’s fails in that it handles multiple issues extraordinarily well. It focuses his relationship with Futaba and his issues with Futaba’s uncle as the central plot, and smaller moments are devoted with resolving Soujiro’s feelings for Wakaba, Futaba’s mother. Both stories are presented so well, and it makes Soujiro an incredibly interesting and dynamic character.

As I previously mentioned, Soujiro’s confidant skill is allowing you to make coffee and curry. The farther you level his confidant, the better you get at making curry and coffee. This is introduced early in the game and his food will be ABSOLUTE LIFESAVERS in Palaces, and at this point of the game the best SP healing items you can get are pop cans that heal 5 SP, in contrast to the coffee which heals 30. The only downside to this is that it takes time to make, but again, you get to learn about coffee and hang out with Soujiro! Guaranteed to have a good time.

VI. LOVERS – ANN TAKAMAKI

Ann is… one of those confidants where I like her in the main story, more than her social link.

I sympathize with Ann a lot because I can personally relate to her story in game. I also think that she’s adorable and I love her relationship with Ryuuji.

But her social link. Oh man.

I had originally decided that Ann was best girl, early on in the game. She was it. She was going to be my waifu. But then I did her social link, and I just, couldn’t do it. I felt like her social link was weaker in comparison to some of the later links because I didn’t find her story that compelling. I appreciate aspects of it; her, realizing that she loves modelling and working hard at it, her relationship with Shiho and her dealing with Shiho’s recovery, but these things were overshadowed by what I disliked about the link. I didn’t really like Mika, and the use of her as a foil for Ann wasn’t that effective for me. I think it would have been better if Ann had reached her “cap” when it comes to her modelling career, and then from there she can realize that she needs to work hard in order to get what she wants. Mika completely fell flat for me as a character, and all of her interactions with Ann were very unenjoyable and borderline unpleasant to watch.

Ann’s link definitely had the Protagonist as a cheerleader to Ann’s pursuits. And as much as that can be applied to literally every social link, I didn’t feel like the Protagonist was as active in Ann’s story. Obviously the outlier here was when the Protagonist gets to tease Ann to make her “stronger”, but that aside, he felt like he was watching, rather than getting involved.

All of that aside, I think my biggest issue with Ann, not only as a character but with her social link, is that it feels like you mixed Rise and Chie’s social links from Persona 4 and put it into one person. Ann, also feels like a mix of Chie and Rise. I don’t really like saying that about the Persona 5 characters, because overall I feel like they’re all diverse enough to be considered their own people, but Ann is pretty much my sole exception to this. In short, there were times where Ann really felt like Rise (modelling and bubbliness) or really felt like Chie (with the “getting stronger” objective and her feistiness), and I did not enjoy the times where Ann felt like Chie, just because I don’t like Chie.

And with all of those things together, Ann’s social link is probably one of the more weaker ones in Persona 5. It’s not bad, but I simply didn’t enjoy it as much as the others.

Ann’s unique confidant boost is making negotiations with Shadows easier. This isn’t really that great, just because literally every party member gains this ability as well, so it doesn’t really give the player incentive to level her confidant for the sake of her bonus.

VII. CHARIOT – RYUUJI SAKAMOTO

I liked Ryuuji’s link. It is not one of the best, I enjoyed it and I liked seeing Ryuuji outside of the Phantom Thieves.

I think Ryuuji’s link is good because it showcases Ryuuji’s character well. The Ryuuji in his confidant is very different from Skull/Phantom Thieves Ryuuji, as he’s a lot more soft spoken and caring in this. Obviously some of his brashness and anger is still there, but his link reminds you that Ryuuji isn’t just some thickheadded idiot, and is more perceptive and intelligent than what you see in the main storyline.

I think my biggest issue with Ryuuji’s link was that it wasn’t really about Ryuuji. While it did show Ryuuji in a softer light, in a way, Ryuuji was sidelined in his own confidant in favour for his track team. It’s not enough of an issue for you to say, forget that this is Ryuuji’s link and not the track team’s link, but I kind of wish that it was a bit more centered around him. But what was there was incredibly solid, and I liked seeing Ryuuji plot his little missions to eavesdrop on the new track coach, and him obtaining the resolve to train on his own, rather than depending on a team.

Ryuuji’s unique confidant boost is the ability to INSTANTLY KILL ENEMIES that are weaker than you and take their personas if you have room. This is actually, really really great. Especially when you’re combing Momentos for targets on high levels, it makes Momentos traversing a breeze. Also, if you power grind to 99 to fuse all of the personas/fight Caroline and Justine, it makes the last dungeon a freaking cakewalk.

VIII. JUSTICE – GORO AKECHI

Goro’s link is another link that advances as the story advances, so I’m going to talk about Goro’s relationship with the Protagonist and him as a character in general.

Goro is my favourite character in the whole game.

I’m not going to lie. Totally had a crush on Goro since day one. I have a thing for pretty boys, and I genuinely, genuinely thought that Goro was earnest in his sense of justice and in catching the Phantom Thieves.

I was wrong. I was so, so wrong.

I was kind of hoping that he wouldn’t be the traitor because he was the Justice Arcana, and how could he be evil when he shares an arcana with Nanako Dojima? But he was.

It’s wrong to say that Goro is evil though. It simplifies his character when he is the most well written and the most underutilized character in the whole game.

What makes Goro’s character work is the Reveal. Again, I did not anticipate him being evil at all, and it shocked me that he was. Similarly to the Fake Igor, learning about his backstory and his plans makes you rethink every single encounter and appearance you’ve seen. And, even though his pride did not allow him to see his father’s plan to dispose of him after the election, you have to give him credit for being able to create/conduct such an elaborate plot against the Phantom Thieves.

Goro is a murder. He’s also a sociopath. But he is a product of years, and years of emotional abuse, and being absolutely starved of any love and affection. What makes Goro compelling is that he didn’t have to be evil. That, as Yusuke said, any one of the Phantom Thieves could have became like him if they hadn’t met the Protagonist. And he acknowledges this! He knows things could have been different, but they aren’t and that’s what makes his character so tragic. And despite loathing and being extremely jealous of the Protagonist, he genuinely cares about them, from not exposing Morgana’s identity to Shido to “sacrificing” himself to allow them to escape. He had experienced genuine care and love from the Protagonist, when it was already too late, and that’s what makes him a fantastic character.

When it comes to his relationship with the Protagonist, their bond is subtle, but impactful. Even though Goro knows who you are and your identities, he still confides in you, about his past in Leblanc and of his tiredness of being the Detective Prince. I’ve seen some people critique Goro’s social link because it doesn’t seem to make sense in certain areas why it would increase, but I feel like it’s your subconscious trust of Goro, even if it’s not openly displayed. All of this cumulates in the final battle with him, where, despite fully knowing that he had killed both Futaba and Haru’s parents, that they were willing to team up with him to take down Shido. I found this moment to particularly impactful because it also, ultimately changes Goro’s mindset too, as this offer is what provokes him into saving you from Cognitive Goro and telling him to avenge Shido in his honour.

Unfortunately, other than basic party skills, Goro does not provide any sort of social link bonuses. That isn’t something you really neeed to worry about, because he’s a story progressing social link and maxing him is part of the true ending but it still kind of blows that he doesn’t really add much to your gameplay :/ 

IX. THE HERMIT – FUTABA SAKURA

Futaba is definitely one of my favourite characters in the game, and she was more a little sister to me than Nanako ever was. Between her confidant, Soujiro’s confidant and the main story, she probably gets the most screentime other than the Protagonist. And her confidant is solid too!

Futaba’s social link is similar to Ryuuji’s where her personality really shines. She is incredibly endearing in her attempts to intergrate herself into society/fulfill her promises, and there was a good mix of humour with serious moments, similar to Yusuke’s social link. Futaba’s link was more successful than Yusuke’s in that she made me laugh! Futaba is genuinely an enjoyable character to watch, with all of her erratic behaviours, and it offset the more serious parts of her social link quite well. I wouldn’t say this is necessarily a bad thing, but I felt like the humour outshone the serious issues in Futaba’s social link.

Futaba’s other friendship is with her friend Kana, who she wishes to reconnect with. Although Kana is not explicitly shown in the entirety of her link, she works because she is a support to Futaba’s development, and acts nicely as Futaba’s motivation to overcome her social anxiety and past trauma. Again, this allows Futaba to remain the center of her link, while the other characters support her, in contrast to Ryuuji, who got overshadowed by the track team.

As a romance option, oh boy. I’m not surprised that Futaba is popular as a lover, because she so freaking endearing and adorable, especially when you confess to her. Her link is also fairly obvious in showing her affection for the Protagonist, and it legitimately hurt me to reject her. While I personally see her more as a little sister (especially with her Japanese voice actress making her sound a lot more childish and zany), her romance link is TOP NOTCH.

Futaba’s social link bonuses are probably one of the best of the game, as she gives you a variety of supports in battle, from things like evasion/speed ups to free heat risers and SP healing. She can also figure out the layout of various Momentos floors, and replenish treasure in palaces/Momentoes, making her supremely useful and worth your time to max out, above other characters.