#on my melancholy bullshit

[ursulaismymiddlename]

A feelings post below the cut, read it/don't read it, I just needed to put it out there because reasons, idk

One of those days... weeks... hell, since last year (sorry, dad joke heh) where I don't feel... i don't feel worthy. I want to be... i want to feel loved, adored, desired. I'm sure I am loved, logically I know my husband loves me, and my child and my friends, but I don't feel it. Maybe it's a love language thing.. i speak one and everyone else speaks another and while I can decipher what's being given to me, it's not the same as knowing it, being fluent in it. But it's lonely when no one seems to know yours.

Certainly, my mental health issues don't help. Childhood trauma, anxiety, depression, and all that on top of ADHD and being on the Autism spectrum (which that's all fun to find out about when you're an adult 🙄)

Everything I do is wrong, every step, every decision, it's wrong unless someone explicitly tells me I've done the right thing.

I can think I'm adequate and worthy, but without someone confirming that, affirming it, it's just a conceit, a delusion. I have a good imagination, that I know at least, I can think up just about anything. It's no problem to pretend, but when there’s nothing to confirm it, then it peters back out to nothing.

I'm tired, I'm in pain, I'm broken in more ways than one and I don't know what to do.

[uhhhitsme]

do you. do you. do you ever think about the cognitive dissonance owen experienced post fall. missing what he had with curt but also wishing that he'd never gotten so tangled up with him in the first place. hating him and wanting him back all the same. like do you think about owen spasming in pain when he tries to walk for the first time and thinking that curt did this to him, that loving curt did this to him, that if he had never let himself fall for curt he wouldn't be here, but also when a particular song comes on the radio he wishes he could dance with curt one last time. or how the first time he has to patch himself up alone, after, he yearns to be able to let curt take care of it, like all the other thousand times curts taken care of him, but also how every time he sees the scars from the fall he remembers that curt was the reason he got them. do you ever think about how he loves curt, and because of that he was tortured for months on end and his body was changed irreversibly and he was left with bone chilling trauma he could never begin to address. but also that he loves curt, who held him and kissed him and saved his life a hundred different times, who taught him how to live a life that was something so much more than survival.

do you ever think about how owen got to have something warm and lovely and bright, for just a moment. that briefly, owen got to be happy. and because of it, owen lost everything. that the reason he ended up so hurt and alone was because he allowed himself to have something good. or are you like, sane and normal.

[halfdeadwallfly]

prestidigitation mention

[rogue-vigilante]

Canna had called the Nomai to what she'd believed was a stable star system. They'd listened to her, believed her, and made their home in the Gloaming Galaxy on her advice. But, like the rest of the universe, that system is approaching its rapid end.

Now, at the end of everything, she hears a strange melody.

[wiltedflowersundertowers]

I’d love you til the end if only you’d ask me to. But you’d never ask and yet I still wait for you.

[happyfunballxd]

Every time i see Life has given me this really pretty rug, and look how soft it is, sure is comfy--

And they rip it out from under me.

I fall for it every time.

[vaguebloggingextreme]

Love getting punch in the emotional face by a song that I fucking wrote 14 years later.

How.

How did I write a song perfectly explaining the situation that just sat there being a concept for over a decade.

Until poof, now it hurts to sing, because now you associate it with someone, because they did exactly what you wrote about.

Fuck this shit, what the hell. 

[tarothouselattier]

What is the feeling you evoke in people upon first observing you?

| private readings | • | readings masterlist |

Heyloo! This reading was inspired by me watching people on the red carpet of the golden globes, particularly Taylor Swift. I noticed that at first observation she is actually a pretty intimidating person. Unlike if you know her personality if you are a fan. Anyway, I found this detail pretty interesting, since it was a big contrast in my perception of her. I wanted to turn that into a reading. I guess you could say there’s little difference between this and a reading about first impressions, but I view first impressions as a thing for when you actually interact with the person, not just observe from afar. Hope you enjoy ❤️

*I stole all pics from pinterest*

Pile 1 👸

“It’s getting difficult”

You have been through some things but you have healed, and now you hold authority over yourself. A commending authoritative presence, who knows themselves.

People might have a feeling that they’re lacking in your presence. I kid you not, after I said that people feel like they’re lacking when in your presence the literal 5 of Cups - card of lack and loss came out.

You make them feel intimidated. Like you don’t have anything to hide and they do type of thing. Because you know yourself.

You make people feel like they’re not doing enough and they’re real disappointed in themselves😭 bro.

PILE 2 🐍

I saw a snake for your pile in my mind’s eye. Power vibe.

Like you have done a lot to be where you are. You are an introspective and inspiring person. No bullshit type of person. Very powerful energy from you. The kind of feeling, when everything has gone to shit, and you’re low, you are fearless enough to go within and find truth deep down. The truth of life. You know how and you WILL set things straight. Just a wave of power like that from you. I’m in awe.

PILE 3 🌹

Roses came to my minds eye. Your energy is very light and pleasant. Spicy and easy-breezy at the same time.

You give people a spark. You are a person light on your feet, flexible with your mind, imaginative, innovative, not afraid of a challenge. You excite people, they dare to dream and do things they normally would shy away from. You end their melancholy, doubt and bring hope.

[magics-neptunes-things]

A Baby for Christmas

Hi guys ♥

This is a new style I'm trying so I hope you will like it. Please let me know what you think about it! It was very long to write so I'm really sorry if you still find mistakes in it.

Summary : How your baby comes in your life. (Worst summary ever)

Part 2 is here!

TW : Mention of miscarriage, pregnancy.

______________________________________________________________

December

When Leah looked you in the eye while you innocently drank your coke and said "I want a baby" the shock was such that you spit out your drink. I mean, of course you know perfectly well that the blonde has a desire to create a family, you both talked about it pretty early in your relationship. But you didn’t expect her to throw you this information while you are lying on your couch, dressed only in one of her t-shirts too big for you after activities not necessarily adapted to any public.

By the time you managed not to choke, the blonde had added "With you" which made you bow both eyebrows at the same time.

"Thank God" you answered, dropping your soda can on your coffee table.

Leah laughed and grabbed a tissue to wipe your chin, while taking again.

"I think we have everything we need to welcome a baby properly, don’t you think? We have a house, we both make a good living, and I know you’re the love of my life."

After confirming that she were yours (your two-year marriage could have been proof of that alone), you contacted clinics and took the first steps to the path of motherhood.

You had hoped that the test carried out a few days before Christmas would be positive, but that wasn't the case. Even if Leah hugged you tightly, saying you that's it's ok and you will try again, you can't drive away your melancholy.

The following days, you were eternally grateful for Leah’s efforts to change your mind, going out to different Christmas markets or offering different Christmas activities. She knows how much you love this holiday. And you have to admit that it worked and you probably fell in love with her again.

January

"This is bullshit" you complain suddenly, driving Leah's attention on you.

"Ok. But which one are you talking about?"

Leah's answer made you smile and rolling your eyes. You were walking in Hyde Park hand in hand, taking advantage of illuminations that have not yet been removed. In the early afternoon, many families still enjoy the ice rink and the various activities offered by Winter Wonderland. It's the last day of opening and many people seem to still want to enjoy it.

"Genetics"

All you have to do is take a look at Leah to see that she’s completely lost by what you’re saying. Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t fully realize that Leah’s were thousands years away from yours.

"Care to explain?" asks the blonde, frowning.

You sighed and stop walking, without letting Leah's hand go.

"I want our baby to look like you. Not me."

Leah’s smile is tinged with a hint of sadness. It's obvious that your child will not be able to have your both features and you find this completely unfair. Aside from the fact that he would just be perfect, when you imagined having kids with Leah, you always imagined them looking like her.

"It’s sad and cute at the same time" Leah comments, releasing your hand to put her arm around your waist.

You pout and sigh softly, letting yourself go against her. You’re not a professional sportsman and Leah is going to make her big comeback on the football fields in two weeks. It made sense that you were carrying your child for both of us.

"There is a way to make it possible. To make him look like you" you add, once again crossing her questioning gaze.

"Babygirl I love you but I swear if you prepare to mention my brother in any way…"

"Ew no, what the hell?"

You frown with cringe while looking at her. She shrug and bite her lip before answering to you.

"Well one of the gynecologists we visited mentioned me the idea, but I’m glad to hear you don’t like it"

"I mean Jacob is cute because he looks like you, but not in this way"

Leah has a satisfied and superior smile that makes you laugh softly and you note in a corner of your head to ask her the name of the gynecologist to go and stick an one star in her Google reviews. But you’d rather go back to the present.

"So, what I was saying before you try Lannister-ed us (Leah rolls her eyes) is that I saw on the Internet that there is another possibility. I can take one of your eggs and take care of the pregnancy. But in the end it will look like you."

"Just to be sure" Leah says with her special accent "You want to take one egg from me (she put her index on her) to put it here (she put her index on your belly) and make the baby grow so he looks like me (she put herself again)?"

"Yes?"

"I like this idea a little to much" Leah smirks.

February

You’ve always hated needles since you were little. Vaccines have always been your hell on earth and despite all the persuasion of your mother, you have never been able to donate your blood. Fortunately, you have never had an operation, otherwise you sincerely don't know how you would have done. When you told Leah about this little detail, she thought you were exaggerating and laughed. But that was before you had to have an injection every night for the goods of your treatment and that possibly you could have a baby in a few months.

"Baby, it’s time!"

You look up from the television to see your wife leaning against a piece of furniture in your living room, a mischievous smile on her face and a syringe in her hands.

"Oh no" you whine

"Oh yes."

Without giving Leah time to react, you jump off the couch and run into the bedroom. That doesn’t stop you from hearing your wife’s voice sigh.

"Seriously?"

You’ve only been on this treatment for a few days, but every day is worse than the last. Leah is doing her best and she is particularly sweet and delicate, but your belly is covered with bruises and it has clearly become your most hated moment of the day.

"Y/N I swear to god!" makes Leah when she realise that you hide yourself in the cupboard. Again.

"Leave me alone you creep"

But Leah doesn’t listen to you and opens the closet door on the fly. You try to escape, but it was not counting Leah’s sporting reflexes that tackle you on your bed. Sitting on your legs, she knows you have no chance to escape.

"Baby please, can we talk about this?"

"Stop acting" Leah laughs softly as she lifts your shirt.

Knowing that you cannot escape it any longer, you close your eyes and take a great aspiration.

"Finished"

You open your eyes to see the satisfied face of Leah, who in the meantime put the needle on her bedside table.

"I have to admit you’re getting better and better at it" you whisper reluctantly.

In truth, you didn’t even feel anything. But you quickly spot the glow that shines in Leah’s eyes when she looks at you.

"I must admit that I particularly like this position" she whispers as she leans over you, putting her lips on yours.

March

"I think I’ll throw up" you nervously say.

"Actually, I think you were supposed to pee on it" your wife objects with sarcasm.

Despite yourself you let go of a nervous little laugh, rising from the edge of the bathtub on which you had settled. Today is the famous day of the pregnancy test and you are so stressed that you wonder if you will fall out, vomit or simply end up rolled into a ball on the floor of your bathroom.

"5 minutes" Leah grumbles after a few seconds, looking at the timer on her phone. "Who makes these tests?"

"Certainly people who love neither women nor children"

It’s Leah’s turn to giggle a little, but the tension is still there. To pass the time, you sing from memory Good Caroline in your head several times, until the timer rings in the room. Leah jumps so much that she drops her phone on the ground.

You exchange a look and you talk first.

"You’re watching. I don’t have the courage."

Leah sighs softly but gets up from the toilet bowl, nervously approaching the two tests you've done. You preferred to be sure of the result so as not to have false hopes, just in case. With trembling hands, Leah takes a deep breath before taking both tests in her hands. Her nervous face becomes unreadable and you will certainly die of stress in a few seconds.

"So what? Lee?"

After a few seconds, Leah puts her attention back on you, her gaze still unfathomable.

"My Love, I swear…" you begin, ready to threaten her if she remains silent one more second.

"Positive."

"What?"

She seems so incredulous that you think you misunderstood. But a big smile appears on her face and she jumps into your arms.

"Positive! We will be Parents!"

April

Lying in your bed, Leah is scrolling on her phone while you have opted for a more traditional way of doing things, using a book. You’ve been thinking about a name for a few weeks without really finding your happiness. Despite the fact that you still go the time, you fear that you arrive at the birth before making a choice. Not wanting to know if the baby is a girl or a boy complicates your task, but it's time to assume this choice until the end.

"What do you think of Alistair?" you ask while raising the nose of your book.

"Of course, if you want him to be able to join the royal family later, it will be perfect" mocks Leah and you roll your eyes.

"I know!" exclaims your blonde seconds later with a victorious smile. "William!"

"William Williamson? Really?"

"Well, yes!"

Your sarcastic tone and arched eyebrow seem to amuse Leah more than reason since she laughs, proud of her discovery. And seeing her happy face, you can’t help but smile softly.

"Harry?" you suggest, a few minutes later.

"No."

Leah’s clear and almost cold answer surprises you and you raise your nose from your book to look at her. Her eyebrows are raised and you don’t understand why. Does she have a hatred you didn’t know about Harry Potter?

"Why?"

"Because Harry Kane and there's no fucking way that my son is named after a Tottenham player."

Leah threatens you with her finger and you hold back with a smile, realizing that the subject is burning for your wife.

"Oh man…" you whisper softly as you resume your reading.

Some time passes and the silence settles, interrupted only by the rain that strikes against the windows of your house. You take advantage of this silence to snuggle up against Leah and you smile as you feel her cheek pressed against the top of your skull.

"Magnus?" you suggest after a few minutes.

Leah raises her head and thinks a few seconds before nodding.

"I like it. You can add it to the list."

With a satisfied smile, you add Magnus to Cameron’s suite after taking the time to trace William. The innocent look that Leah takes when you look at her while doing it amuses you and you rest your pen.

"We’re only looking for a boy’s name, but what if it’s a girl?"

Looking up at you, Leah puts her phone on her thigh and you see her hesitant to speak again. The way she sways slightly on the mattress makes you think about what she does when she stands up and has to tell you something. Fortunately, this was never a serious confession.

"Well… there’s a name I like, since I was a teenager"

"Okay?"

"I’m afraid you don’t like her"

You smile softly, passing your legs over hers. Your curiosity is driven by the fact that Leah doesn’t seem to want to tell you. Taking her hand in yours, you intertwine your fingers and look into her eyes.

"Come on Leah, just tell me" you whines.

"Charlie?"

"Charlie Williamson" you try the first and last name several times on your tong, under the inquisitive eye of Leah, before giving her a big smile. "I really like it."

May

"I'm scared" you mumble against Leah's neck, where you're hiding your face.

You both were in the gynaecologist’s office that follows you during your pregnancy. This is the first ultrasound you will have for your baby. After taking a blood test after a month of pregnancy and confirming that you were pregnant, you considered it unnecessary to specify that you did a test almost every other day. This all sounds almost too good to be true. You feel like something terrible is going to happen to you.

"I’m sure it’s going to be all right" Leah replies with her deep, calm voice, kissing the top of your head.

In truth, she is at least as stressed as you and doesn't pay any attention to the magazine she's reading. She is also the first to get up when you are called, even if she gently reaches out to you to help you do the same.

The gynecologist asks you about your state of health, but you rather want to shake her so that she hurries to put you on the observation table. You want, need, to know that everything is fine.

After a few minutes it is finally the case and you find yourself nervously attached to Leah’s hand.

"We may not hear the heartbeat well, since the fetus is still small" it informs you, which does not help your stress to decrease.

You answer nothing, focused on the images that scroll on the screen in front of you. You look at Leah when she explains to both of you where the baby is, which you would have been unable to see on your own. These white spots are inexplicable to you. But your wife’s wet eyes are enough to make you smile.

"Come on, let’s try to listen to his heart now."

You swallow and close your eyes, expecting to hear a very slight sound after the doctor’s explanations. But it’s actually a fast and loud drumming that sounds in the room, making you quickly open your eyes. The sensations you feel when hearing this melody are indescribable and you only realize that you are crying when Leah gently wipes your tears with her thumb.

"It looks like this baby is in great shape. Congratulations. I’ll let you get dressed and we’ll make an appointment for the next check."

You nod and can’t get your eyes off the frozen screen where the proof is that this baby really exists.

"We’re gonna be parents."

Leah’s sentence, the same one she uttered when discovering the positive tests, seems more like an achievement this time. But you understand her feeling. It seems to be much more real.

"You’re not gonna knock out, are you?"

The look lost in Leah’s gaze becomes clear again when it lands on you and you address her a mocking smile.

"Of course not. Kiss me rather than tell nonsense."

Smiling again, you stand up and put your arms around her neck to kiss her tenderly. You let go of her when she kisses your cheek and neck, enjoying the moment. You’re going to be parents. And most importantly, your baby is healthy.

June

The good weather being back, it's with a little more motivation that you go to Leah's football matches. Even if you haven’t missed one in or around London, not having to cover yourself with layers of clothing is nice. Summer is coming and the end of the season too. Arsenal is pretty well placed in the standings, but it's a FA Cup's match that is being played today. And not just any since it’s the final and Arsenal is playing against Chelsea.

You find yourself in the ranks of families and friends, surrounded by the Williamsons and other family members of different players. The friends are also present since Ella Toone is also part of the ranks, just like Mary Earps and other international players that you have already met several times thanks to Leah.

You're wearing a jersey with Williamson print on your back, Leah's Arsenal cap and you bought yourself a scarf at the booth, which you put on your shoulders. The proud look your wife gave you when she saw you was worth it.

The match is tight and it's with a blank score that the half is whistled. Leah looks for you and addresses you a smirk before entering the tunnel to return to the changing rooms, which you answer obviously.

"Would you like something to drink, darling?" asks your mother-in-law affectionately and you think for a few moments.

Quench your thirst and know that you will run to the toilet a few minutes later and definitely miss part of the game? Or wait for a few more minutes? You end up opting for the second option and given the following of events, you are quite right. If you’d missed that moment, you’d probably have found yourself with a divorce paper under your nose.

60th minute, a corner for Arsenal is played right in the box. The ball is taken from the head by Alessia but ends on the crossbar. However, it’s not over since Lia managed to intercept it and pass it back to Leah who sends a cannon ball to the bottom of the nets.

You expected Leah to rush to her teammates to celebrate, but instead you see her positioning her arms as if she was carrying an imaginary baby and she started rocking it. There’s a big smile on your face when you realize what she’s doing. You haven’t made your pregnancy public yet, fearing you’ll have to announce bad news if things go wrong. It must also be said that the fact that you are not famous and that your belly grew during the winter allowed you not to have too much effort to put in place for this.

Playful smiles on their faces, Leah’s teammates finally reach her height to congratulate her for this goal. These hugs finished, Leah looks for you again among the crowd and you send her a kiss with your hand.

Thirty minutes later, the referee’s whistle rang through the stadium, sealing Arsenal’s victory. You find yourself jumping on the spot with excitement too, cuddling all the people you can reach. You know how important this game was for Leah, who wants to get back to her old level as soon as possible.

It’s only after the cup has been lifted by the whole team that Leah makes her way to you, but you’re happy to see her enjoying these moments with her friends. You smile when you see her running towards you and get as close as possible to the edge of the field. The height of the bleachers doesn't seem to bother Leah who climbs it simply to get to your height.

"I’m so proud of you, Leah" you smile as you stretch out your arms at her.

A big smile on her face, Leah hugs you with pleasure, putting a tender kiss on your lips.

"Did you see my goal?"

"Was it you? I could have sworn it was Cloé who scored that fantastic goal"

Leah snorts and you smirk at her, taking her face in your both hands.

"Have you seen my celebration too?"

"I did Baby. You're such a dork" you smile when Leah laughs and kiss her once again, forgetting the world around you, making you believing that you are all alone.

But you weren't.

"Hum. Mind if I hug my sister, too?"

September

Leah’s flirtatious nature is known in the football world and it never changed when you guys got together. You know perfectly well that there is nothing behind, you saw the way she flirted "for real" when she became interested in you. However, as you often tell her, it's not necessarily as easy to understand for the person in front of her. Because of her sexual orientation, they are very often girls.

But then again, you never gave her a fit of jealousy because she never exceeded the limits you set and because she always proved to you that you could have a blind and total trust in her. Apart from her sharp, chaotic, unpredictable and sometimes stubborn character, Leah knows how to be affectionate, attentive, romantic and tender. You think some people won’t believe you, but you don’t care. That part of Leah is only for you and that’s perfect.

But tonight, you feel your hormones bubbling. Leah asked you to join her in the karaoke bar she used to go to with her teammates. Tonight there’s Alessia, Lia, Alex, Katie and Caitlin. After breaking everyone’s ears on an Adele song, Katie was forced to sit down for the end of the evening and sulks in her corner. Alessia and Leah went back for drinks while Alex started a song with Caitlin.

Lia is installed at your side, but you must admit that you're paying any attention to your discussion. Your interest is entirely focused on the waitress who flirts without the slightest embarrassment with your wife.

"You’re not listening to me at all" Lia laughs softly, making you finally turn your head in her direction.

"No, I’m sorry."

You make a grimace but she addresses you a smile, apparently not in the least vindictive. You like the Swiss girl, you know she had a little fling with Leah before you met, but her behavior towards you has always been impeccable. You can’t tell if feelings are completely erased from her side, but she’s a loyal friend to Leah and who would you blame for someone having stifled feelings for the perfect woman that is Leah?

Speaking of the blonde, you shift your attention to her to see that she is still in full discussion with the waitress. Even Alessia seems to find time long, her gaze navigates between Leah and the table. Noticing that you observe the scene with coldness, she taps on Leah’s shoulder with a discreet nod in your direction.

Your eyes cross the baby blue of Leah who seems to realize the situation immediately. So she easily emerges from the grip of the waitress who had literally grabbed her arm to come back to you.

"A little song Less?" quickly offers Lia when she feels the tension emanating from your body.

Alessia vaguely answers a "Yes please" letting her desire to flee the possible dispute that point the tip of her nose, which would surely have amused you another day.

"You okay Babe?" asks Leah, putting a hand on your leg.

"Don’t Babe me, Leah." You said coldly with an eyebrow arched.

"Come on, Baby, it was nothing. We were just talking."

"Normal people don’t talk to others by sticking their breasts under their noses."

Leah rolls her eyes and you push her hand back from your leg, but the blonde does not let go and passes the same hand around your shoulders to squeeze you against her. You try to escape, but your big belly is holding you back. Now the baby’s on Leah’s side.

"Leah" you try to push her away despite the gust of kisses she puts all over your face.

"Leah" you repeat once again, feeling your anger wither.

"I love it when you say my name" your wife whispers mischievously in your ear.

"Stop it. It’s not funny"

Despite this, Leah has a smile on her face when she resumes speaking, your chin delicately trapped between her thumb and index finger.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it bothered you that much. You know I only see you. It doesn’t bother you so much usually, what changes this time?"

You shrug your shoulders in perfect bad faith. You know why, but you’re not sure you want to talk about it. When it goes like this before, you have a nice time sticking to Leah and making out with her to make your rivals understand that she's yours.

"Dunno" you mumble before you finish your soda.

"You’re lying" Leah whispers in your ear, laying a kiss on the corner of your jaw.

"What do you want me to say?" you sigh softly "she is younger, prettier and she can certainly offer free drinks to whoever she wants."

The end of your sentence was mostly meant to distract Leah from the rest, but it obviously didn’t work. The blonde straightens a little, frowning.

"No one is prettier than you"

"Oh please, Leah, I appreciate your support but I have already gained more than ten kilos. Be realistic. I am. And I don’t like it when women prettier than me flirt with my wife."

But Leah doesn't seem to hear it from this ear since your face always between her fingers is putting closer to hers. Her eyebrows are frowned, much more than usual.

"Nobody’s prettier than you. I’m serious."

You have trouble supporting the intensity of her gaze and you find yourself blushing like you did when she complimented you at the beginning of your relationship. The blonde finally releases your face, but only to tighten you against her, with two arms this time.

"You are my wife. No one is prettier than you."

October

In half a sleep, Leah turns around in your bed to get on her stomach, expecting to be able to curl up against you. Except that it's only the void that receives her, making her frown. Still without opening her eyes, she taps the mattress in search of your body, without success. It's only then that she opens her eyes and rises slightly on the mattress to note your absence at her side.

"Y/N?"

When the silence answers her, Leah ends up getting up and looking for you. She walks through the different rooms of the house starting with the bathroom and ending with your garden, without success. Gradually, the blonde feels panic invading her, especially when she realizes that your pajamas are wisely folded on a chair in your room and that you left with her purse but without your phone or your car.

It's with trembling hands and fingers that your wife grabs her phone to call the first number that comes to her mind in an emergency.

"What’s up Baba?" makes the sleepy voice of Amanda Williamson, awakened at 3am by her daughter.

"Y/N is missing."

********

When you return home, you are surprised to see that an additional car is in your driveway, apparently parked in a hurry. You don’t understand why your mother-in-law’s car is here, or why all the lights in the house are on.

So it’s puzzling that you go to the door, your food bag in your hand. People had warned you that you would have strange cravings, but you didn’t expect to want cinnamon rolls and Beef Jerky in the middle of the night. Unable to go back to sleep and not having it at home, you simply decided to go to the supermarket open 24/24 in your neighborhood to do some shopping.

If you were perplexed when you arrived at home, you have the impression that question marks grow on your head when you pass the front door. Leah is sitting on the couch with her head in her hands and your stepmother in a bathrobe over her nightgown on the phone with someone. Hearing the front door, Leah abruptly raises her head and before you realize it you find yourself pressed against her with blond hair obstructing your vision.

"Okay, she’s here. Yes … thank you very much" you hear Amanda saying before she hangs up.

"Where the hell were you? Are you okay? What happened?"

Leah releases you a little and holds you at arm’s length, letting her gaze slide over every inch of your body to check that you have no wound anywhere.

"I’m fine! I - I was hungry so I went to buy food"

"At 3 in the morning?!" Leah half-scream

"Yes?"

"Without taking your phone?"

"I forgot it."

"For God’s sake, have you lost your mind?! If anything had happened to you, what would you have done? We were calling the cops and -"

"Leah."

Amanda’s voice sounds and you realize at this moment that she has taken a few steps to get closer to you both. Laying a hand on her daughter’s shoulder, she draws her attention with her calm, smoothing voice. It seems to work since Leah turns directly in her direction.

"She’s fine. You were afraid, but everything’s fine now"

The inspiration that Leah takes to calm down is audible throughout the room and you take advantage of this moment of calm to say in a small voice

"I'm so sorry"

The blue eyes of the footballer refer to you and the embrace that you exchange this time is more made to comfort her for once. Over her shoulder, you give your mother-in-law an apology smile.

"Sorry for pulling you out of bed in the middle of the night"

"No worries. But I’m going back now."

She winks at you and kisses you both before leaving the house. Leah is still in your arms and you gently stroke her back with your fingertips, following her spine. Her face is hidden in your neck and you kiss her hair before you speak again.

"Shall we go back to bed too?"

Leah answers you with a grunt and grabs your hand to train you in your bedroom, taking care to turn off the lights of the house in passing.

"Don’t ever do that to me again" Leah mutters and clings to you like she’s afraid you’ll disappear again.

"I’m sorry" you say again. "I know how tired you are with the games and the training. I just wanted to let you rest."

"I don’t care if I’m tired. If you need anything and I sleep, you wake me up. If anything happens to you and I’m gone, you call me. I won’t accept any excuses."

"At your command, Captain" you smile tenderly before kissing her.

"I’m not kidding, Williamson."

"I know, Williamson."

November

"Y/N Y/S/N Williamson, will you please come down that ladder, right now?"

Hearing the voice both panicked and commanding of your wife, you smile and roll your eyes. Leah’s over-protective behavior is growing day by day and you will surely not be allowed to lift any pencil soon.

"Leah, I’m not risking anything" you say, turning in her direction.

"No! Don't move! You will fall!"

Letting the panic prevail, Leah rushes towards you, throwing her football bag and her boots to makes you come down the ladder by carrying you in her arms like a bride. Smiling, you put your arms around her neck and put your lips on hers.

"You’re so strong" you coo tenderly before deposing other kisses along her jaw and into her neck.

You feel her shiver, so you continue your kisses. Leah was away all the morning and the beginning of the afternoon for training and you were getting bored. So you decided to install the Christmas decoration, going up the boxes from the cellar and setting up your Christmas tree. Without decorating it, knowing that Leah would do it with you. You also had time to decorate the windows with stickers and fake snow and you were finishing installing the lights above your windows.

"Oh no, I know exactly what you’re doing" laughs Leah as you, gently resting you on the floor.

"What?" you ask maliciously.

"You’re trying to distract me from your foolishness"

"I will only speak in the presence of my lawyer"

Leah laughs and you can’t help but smile when you hear your favorite sound. Putting yourself on tiptoe, you deposit a new kiss on her lips to which the blonde responds without hesitation.

"How is my baby?"

Her hand gently settles on your belly and you smile again feeling her do.

"He’s in great shape, he’s been kicking me all day"

"Believe me, there is a future talented footballer in there"

"A striker most certainly" you smirk

"No way. He's going to be a defender"

"Or a keeper"

"Who in the world would want to be a goalkeeper, except Mary’s children?"

You know that Leah is joking and that she will be happy no matter what path your child chooses. But if he could enjoy football and become an Arsenal fan, it would probably be a big plus for her. As if to confirm this words, you feel the baby give a new kick, exactly where Leah’s hand is.

"Well hello to you too Buba" Leah says tenderly before bending over to lay a kiss on your belly.

"How was training baby?" You ask, picking up the stuff Leah threw on the floor a few minutes ago.

"Leave it, I’ll take care of it" intervenes the blonde, grabbing you by the hand. "It was ok, but training in the cold begins to become painful"

You smile at her and decide to take her with you in the kitchen.

"How about a nice hot chocolate?"

"I think it’s the best idea of your day. Way above climbing a ladder and being eight months pregnant."

December

Leah is in the training room, surrounded by her teammates when her phone starts ringing. By habit, in case you have an emergency, she leaves it under general so you can contact her anytime. She gave you a special ring, allowing her to recognize your calls compared to others.

"Lee, phone" shouts Alessia across the room.

"Can you look who’s calling me please?"

The blonde does it willingly, rummaging through spare clothes and cereal boxes.

"It's your mother."

Leah sighs and walks across the room to grab her phone and hang up. However, Leah barely has time to rest it that it starts ringing again, making Leah frown.

"She knows I’m training, why is she insisting like that?"

The question is said aloud, but it could just as well be pronounced in his head. However, this would not have allowed Katie to respond.

"Maybe an emergency?"

"Didn’t you tell me Y/N was with her this morning?" intervenes Lia.

The captain’s face breaks down a little and she quickly picks up at this welcome reminder of her friend.

"Mom?"

"Baba don’t freak out, but we’re at the hospital. Y/N’s water just broke."

"I’m… I’m coming"

Just after hanging up, panic seizes Leah who gathers her belongings by embarking half of those belonging to Viv in passing. Miraculously her teammates manage to understand what she explains to them and Lia intervenes quickly, with all the calm and sweetness that characterizes her.

"I’m driving you, there's no way you’re driving in this state."

After refusing that the entire team accompanies them ("It’s a birth, not a summer camp"), it's finally with Alessia and Katie that Lia accompanies Leah to the right hospital. It's finally a good thing that the Swiss woman decided to accompany Leah, she would surely have managed to go to the wrong maternity.

"Leah breathe" Katie says from the back seat.

"Easy to say! If things go wrong? In addition, the baby is early! What if he doesn't survive this?"

"Wasn't the expected delivery date the December 12?" asks Lia, bowing her eyebrow.

"Yes."

"Leah, we’re the 7" Alessia gently intervened.

"So what?"

"I swear to God that if this child inherits your drama rate, I’ll get him enrolled in drama classes" says Katie, sighing at length.

In the room you’re in, time seems long without Leah. Amanda keeps you company until your wife gets here, but between the pain and the stress, you don’t look too good.

"You’re doing very well darling" your mother-in-law gently makes you, to whom you address a smile-grimace.

Fortunately, a few minutes later Leah finally makes her appearance, dressed in a sky blue outfit that you saw a thousand times in Grey’s Anatomy. The relief is so great when you see her come that tears rise to your eyes. Focused on Leah, you don’t even realize that Amanda is taking the powder.

"My Love" whispers Leah as she lays a kiss on your forehead.

Leah tenderly caresses your face while listening to the nurse’s information and you relax as much as possible. You didn’t hesitate for a second when you were asked if you wanted peridulral. You willingly let other women be brave, but you, no thanks.

The hours pass, both slow and fast. Leah does her best to relieve, relax or change your mind. She’s perfect, once again.

It's only around 2am that your baby’s cry finally sounds in the delivery room, after long hours of labor. You can’t tell which of the three of you cried the most when your little miracle is lying on your chest, Leah sitting next to you in bed.

A little blonde hair down, quickly covered with a hat, and baby blue piercing eyes as light as Leah's are the first features you discover in your perfect baby. Just like you hopped.

"So, what will you call this little angel?" the nurse ask you.

"Charlie. Her name is Charlie" Leah mumble, a big smile on her face. "Charlie Amanda Williamson."

[yellowbunnydreams]

Do you need some Vitamin D? (Incubus! William x Oblivious! F! Reader) [Part 10]

~I'm sorry! Okay! We needed some angst!! I hope this chapter makes it up to you. And don't worry, this isn't the end either.~

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* Want more or something different? *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

@ruh--roh-raggy @xp-doggy @redbunny03 @marigold-petalz @seviliet @astinkerofarat @iamnotwiddle @imtiredshow

CW: 18+ MINORS DNI. Fluff, age gap (Reader 20's - William Afton 40's(?)), teratophilia, meet-cute, punny pick-up lines, scenes of working out, minor porn-logic, ditzy! reader, could be classed as bimbo! reader?, size-difference, flirting, monster-lover, sexual innuendos, Monster! AU. Angst. Extra monster! Jealousy, defenstration, mention of blood.

Henry had noticed that things seemed a little tense in Freddy's when he walked in that morning.

William was late coming into the office, which was unusual for his life-long friend and business partner. William Afton didn't do late unless he could help it, the only things he had ever known William to be late for, infact, were social functions when he was with his college girlfriend Clara. But something seemed off to the were-bear's senses as even one of the members of staff seemed particularly tense.

And of course, he noticed a hastily scrawled note on the space in the schedule where your name sat where it had been erased and replaced with Claire's.

He sighed and ran his hands through his curly, dark hair. The whole day had been plagued with a sense of melancholy from the incubus crammed at his desk behind Henry. Barely moving, hyper-focused on his paperwork with the formerly customary 'Afton scowl'. Henry knew William had a chronic case of resting bitch face sometimes, but he had thought his friend has seemed generally much happier with everything and had been smiling more.

"How's-" Henry said your name suddenly, breaking the silence that had fallen over the small office space as William paused and barely glanced up from his work. "I noticed she wasn't on the schedule today."

"Why should I know?" The were-bear blinked at the calloused reply, feeling himself reeling as he got the sudden sinking feeling that something had transpired that he hadn't been privy to. Taking out his phone and texting away as he feigned disinterest.

"Because she's been living at your house?"

"Not anymore she's not." William growled, feeling his chest tightening unpleasantly at the thought. His salt and pepper hair was tousled like he hadn't quite bothered to brush it, even his stubble seemed to be unkempt as William rubbed his hands over his face tiredly. Henry looked at William and watched his pen hovering above the paperwork, poised to write something the incubus had forgotten.

Henry paused and shuffled over his chair, sitting opposite William and making the older, broader man look up with a scowl and furrowed brow as if to ask what he wanted.

"Talk to me William, something is clearly bothering you."

"And what if I'm just glad to have my own damn house back?"

"I think you're lying to yourself, firstly," Henry raised an eyebrow at the still scowling incubus, who thumped his foot in retaliation, although Henry was quite used to his friend's bullshit by now. "And secondly, what happened to all that flirting you were doing? I mean it was bad, sure, cringey even! But I haven't seen you smile that much around somebody. Ever."

William thought for a moment and sighed as he leaned back in his slightly too small office chair. Placing the pen down on his cluttered desk and his frown deepening as he realised that Henry was right. He had been happy, he'd been smiling a lot more and he'd even spent more time out of the workshop without having to be coaxed with food, a cigarette break or once, even a trail of candies leading towards a precariously balanced cardboard box ontop of a door and Henry peering out from around the edge holding some string.

"She...texted me last night."

"Okay. And what did it say?" William pulled his phone out, wincing as his thumb ran over the semi-deep scratch in his screen from where he had frustratedly and accidentally clawed it the night before.

"'How do you ask a guy out you like?'" Reading the text out loud, Afton winced, swallowing hard as that ugly green jealousy raised it's head again. But Henry simply raised his eyebrow again and rolled his hand, gesturing for the incubus to continue.

"''Well, guys like it when you're blunt with them. You should just ask them.'"

"And then?"

"'Would you like to go out with me?'" Henry smiled widely but coughed to hide his excitement as the rabbit man stared at his phone, frowning and making Henry's smile slowly fall as he got a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Please, tell me you said 'yes' to that poor girl." William looked quizzically at the were-bear, tipping his head to one side as he ran his thick fingers through his hair.

"No? I said she just needed to say that to whoever she was asking out. It was clear she had somebody in mind." The incubunny growled as that jealous feeling that knotted his stomach up and he thumped his foot hard enough to make the desk shake slightly. Henry felt his face falling from the usual cheer into a paled scowl as he stood up. Pacing around to William's side, he moved his hand up behind his friend's back as if he was going to soothe William's temper.

And a bear paw smacked him in the back of the head instead.

William's head snapped forwards, blinking as he tried to clear his vision and standing up abruptly. Feeling his sharp teeth press against the inside of his lips as they curled into a snarl. Claws digging into the palm of his hands as he seemed to tower slightly over the more ursine looking Henry. Both monster men at various stages of their respective transformations. William's eyes purple and slit pupiled. Henry's blown out and dark. Both sporting claws as Henry tried to not let his own primal form take over.

"What the actual fuck, Henry?" The low baritone growl that reverberated around his chest would make most other monsters back down, and certainly would make a human loose their nerve, but Henry stood firm and put his bear paws on his hips, little round bear ears pinned back and his head low, snorting loudly.

"What the fuck am I doing? God you're so fucking stupid, Afton!" Henry placed his paws over his face and dragged them down lightly, careful not to catch himself with his claws accidentally. "She DID ask the guy she liked."

"Who? How come you know?"

"IT'S YOU, YOU FUCKING FLUFFY BRAINED DIDDLE DEMON!" Henry shouted, his fingers curling into fists in exasperation as he looked up at his friend. Watching the pinned back rabbit ears slowly lift then slowly lower again as a look of confusion and horror crossed his grey-ish furred features.

"What?"

"My god, are you so far up your own ass you can't hear me now? She asked you. She literally asked you how you would like to be approached with being asked out and then she did and you blew her off. Great fucking job, you absolute muppet."

Going back to his usual family friendly self as he shook out the transformations and snorted again, growling as he spoke, unhappy that he had had to resort to violence to snap William from his pity-party. William's ears felt like they were ringing as his body slowly returned to most of it's normal stature and features, his claws still remaining as his foot began to tap nervously against the cluttered office carpet.

"Oh...oh fuck."

"Yeah, you getting it now?"

"Oh... oh fuck I have to find out where she is. I...Oh fuck I have so much apologising to do." William moved on auto-pilot, feeling his legs partly turning to give him a little extra speed as Henry looked after him and swore under his breath, following behind and trying to make sure there were not traces of ursine features left on his face.

"William! William Afton!"

Afton didn't hear him as he tried to walk himself calmly into the dining room. Eyes wildly scanning and not caring in that moment if his secret was blown wide as he looked for one person in particular. He hadn't been particularly caring about sorting the rota out when he got the sense that you weren't coming in that morning, but he could already feel his heart pounding so hard and fast in his chest he was afraid it might burst in his chest. Finally, he spotted who he was looking for, and quickly smoothed his shirt back into place after his slight transformation, fingers running through his hair as he slowly and calmly made his way over.

Or at least, he hoped he looked calm and collected.

"Claire! Thank you for coming in on such short notice." He gave the smaller woman a wide smile as she stopped sweeping and looked up at him. Scowling heavily and turning her attention back to the broom as she swept up pizza crumbs and confetti from kid's birthday parties.

"I'm not talking to you Mr. Afton." She snapped, making William blink and wince as he had that sinking feeling that perhaps it was to be expected.

"Young lady, I-"

"I don't care. Zip! I'm not talking to you after what you did to-" She said your name and all his suspicions were confirmed. Wincing and cringing in on himself as he tried his best to hold his still human looking hands in a placating gesture.

"Look, I know that I-"

"Oh Mr. Emily! Wonderful, do you want to know what Mr. Afton's done?" Claire leaned against the broom and turned her glare towards Henry, who seemed a little flustered and out of breath, cheeks burning as his curls were a little wild.

"Claire. I know that William might have made some little mistakes, but I assure you, it's being handled." He assured, attempting to remain professional and courteous as the smaller woman scowled even more. He began to wonder for a moment if somebody had finally made a match for Afton's own face of displeasure.

"*Little mistakes*?" Claire spat, making Henry raise an eyebrow as William looked even more sheepish, pulling his hands back to his body as he cringed. "Do you know what he did? Did he actually tell you because I can tell you-"

"FOR FUCKS SAKE, *LISTEN*. William is *trying * to ask you where she is because he's been informed, by *me*, that his stupid ass couldn't see that he was the one being asked out." Henry decided to cut to the chase, knowing that they were going to get nowhere with Claire when he could see that William was itching to find you.

She looked between the two men, her forehead creased as she tried to see if one of them would crack and reveal that it was some cruel joke to be played on you when you weren't even there. But her complexion drained and paled as she stared, the dawning expression of realisation that Henry wasn't lying to cover for his business partner.

"Wait so he....you.."

"Actually wanted to say 'yes' if I had realised that she was actually asking me." William felt his foot tapping away on the mildly tacky carpet, his nose twitching as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, but the expression on Claire's face as she formed a silent 'o' made his brow furrow and his nails dig into the skin on the back of his neck as his stomach sank. "Claire?"

The woman got out her phone and quickly scribbled down something on a loose receipt that she had kept in her pocket, handwriting shaking as she handed it to Henry, who in turn passed it to William, reading it and wondering why he'd been handed her address.

"Look, okay, she was really upset last night and so I told her to go on a date to get her mind off of it-" William's head snapped up as she held her hands out placatingly, a growl bubbling up in his throat, barely surpressed.

"With who?"

"I don't know, some guy from her apartment block. David, Damien.."

"Dave?"

"Yeah, that's-Mr. Afton?"

William Afton didn't wait as he began to set off from the pizzeria, allowing himself to growl as he began to change before he even hit the door. His sharp teeth filling his mouth, nails becoming claws as he ripped at his tie and tried to pull it from around his neck. It was like he was suffocating as he stumbled around the back of the building, feeling bones shifting under his skin as his body grew warmer as the fur started to sprout over his skin.

Dave fucking Miller.

He snarled as he kicked off his shoes, his feet changing as he managed to barely make it to the heavily sheltered back alleyways so he could complete his transformation. A growl constantly reverberating in his chest as he only kept one goal in his mind spiralling as he lost control for the first time in a long while.

He had to find you.

You hadn't quite planned on your landlord sitting opposite you in your apartment unit, but there Dave Miller was. Dressed in a t-shirt that had some suspicious stains on it and looking like it had been dragged out of the building's lost and found bin and a pair of black slacks. You had been a little confused when he had shown up wearing no shoes and only his socks, but you were grateful that at least he had shown up.

After crying for most of the night, Dave had come to knock on your door to ask what was up, apparently he could hear you quite clearly through the wall since your bedrooms were backed onto each other, which led to some embarrassing thoughts as to what else Dave might have heard had your relationship with William developed. But when you explained to the vampire what had transpired, he gave you an almost condescendingly lazy smile as he suggested that you should try dating him. Explaining that really, it made sense, a vampire was essentially a soft dip into the world of non-human dating, and it would give you a chance to see whether or not you wanted to even continue in that world.

It had seemed like a fantastic idea at the time.

But now you were sat in your own nice blouse and good jeans, watching as Dave swirled the wine glass in his hand and the thick red inside clung to the glass a little too long to allow you any thought that it could be a particularly viscous red wine. You were regretting the choice to not allow Dave to bring his customary mug around so that at least you wouldn't have to look at it. Dave called it 'exposure therapy'. He checked his watch for the fifth time in an hour, and you felt each one sending a sinking pit into your stomach.

"Do you have somewhere else to be?" Snapping slightly as the gaunt man looked up, lazy smile on his face and shaking his head slightly. Picking up the glass and sipping from it with an exaggerated sigh of appreciation.

"No no, sugar. Just waiting for the real date to begin." His words stung you, and you felt your eyes becoming hotter as tears pricked at them. Swallowing thickly as your hands curled around the cutlery you had set up on the kitchen counter, since you at least needed to eat in the traditional sense.

Dave suddenly perked up, looking towards your window and moving over towards it with that careful, lanky shuffle that held a shocking amount of grace in it for such an awkward looking man. Thin, willowy almost, but you could see in his bare arms as the sinewy muscles twitched as his bruised, dark circled eyes darted about. Never quite making eye contact until you least expected it.

He stood by your window as you felt yourself getting upset all over again, unsure why you had listened to Claire and allowed yourself to go on one date with somebody you didn't even really know when you have rather been sat on your couch watching re-runs of overly dramatized medical shows and eating a pint of ice-cream. Dave's fingers curling around the latch to your window before opening it out wide. It was the one above your fire-escape too, so it opened additionally wide, allowing a cool breeze to flow through the smaller space.

Then you heard it.

Heavy thumping. Growing closer, louder as something settled in your chest, heavy and bassy, before it even registered in your ears. The hair on the back of your neck instinctually stood up, eyes flickering about as you wondered what the sound was, although Dave seemed unperturbed as he continued to stare out of the window.

The sound finally clicked into place as something slammed into the door, hearing thin wood creaking under the weight of whatever it was as you jumped up out of your seat. Dave simply turned around and paced himself back to the counter, his expression serious for a moment as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders. Startling you as you felt his cool skin against yours, the way his long fingers touched the back of your neck and played with your hair making your skin crawl as you realised a little too late that his grip had tightened and forced you into the same spot.

The thumps grew more insistent. The door gave way slightly, and suddenly you could hear the noise that had been making your chest turn and feel uneasy.

Growling.

"My my, now we're getting somewhere, aren't we sugar?" Dave asked, sucking his teeth as he picked up the wine glass from the counter and swirled it. Making your nose fill with the smell of cold pennies.

"Dave?"

"Don't worry sweetheart, everything will be fine. Just promise me you won't freak out."

"Dave something is breaking down my door!" Struggling in his grip as memories of that one time you were broken into surging forwards as the growling assisted in fast-tracking your fight or flight response.

You knew that you were never winning that fight.

"Your real date has arrived."

Dave's cold, iron breath brushed your cheek as he leaned in and whispered, brushing his clammy lips against your skin as the door burst down. Splintering under the sheer force of what was behind it. Heart racing so loudly that you could feel Dave's thin fingers tapping along with it across the base of your skull.

An elongated hand gripped the upper part of the doorframe. Purple eyes glowing in the darkness beyond your doorway as a flat nosed face, teeth sharp and lip curled back into a snarl that displayed his elongated canines. You felt your breath catch in your throat as the yellowish-brown fur came into your sight, watching the claws drag against the plaster of the wall and gouge into it was the lumbering, hulking figure pulled itself in.

William Afton seemed taller, if that was somehow possible. His face less human as you realised his face had pushed out into a slightly lapine snout. His soft ears pinned back against his head and shoulders, the hunched position he was in to fit inside your apartment combined with his broad frame to fill the room and make him look even more intimidating. You realised after a second that his shirt was barely clinging on by some threads, tie like a ridiculous purple collar around his thick, furred neck as he seemed to be staring right at you.

No, not you, you realised. But Dave as you felt the vampire's grip on you tighten instinctually. Bringing the glass to his lips and drinking down the rest of it before setting it down on your counter. Planting a kiss on your cheek, eliciting a growl from William as he stalked towards Dave, panting and chest rising and falling rapidly as his hyper-focus on the vampire seemed to blind him to how small the space really was.

It was a blur of fur and movement that you almost missed as William lept forwards, grabbing hold of Dave in one of his monsterous paws and making you yelp as your landlord as wrenched away from you. A scream tearing itself from your lips as you watched William's fur and muscles ripple and he flung Dave through the window.

Naturally, you ran up to the windowsill, staring out and expected to see blood and gore dashed out on the concrete, but instead, what you saw confused you.

Dave was unmoving for a moment, before you could make out his thin frame lifting itself slowly. It looked wrong. Like all the angles weren't quite human. But your attention was on the big, chalk bullseye drawn on the sidewalk, your heart racing as you were filled with adrenaline. Watching as Dave managed to limp and slide himself over to a car that you hadn't noticed, the lights flicking on and the car slowly pulling out of the lot and into the night.

William's head pressed against your ribs as he tried to shove past to look through the window, but you turned and blocked it. Afraid, confused, and weirdly, you felt your heart aching as you looked at his features properly.

Whilst he looked rabbit-like when you had seen his monster form, and still recognisably humanoid in a lot of ways. This was different. Afton almost reminded you more of a hare, the fur less fluffy and more sleek to his hulking mass. But the sharp, jutting teeth that rendered him unable to hide them under his lips screamed predatory as those slit-pupils focused on you finally. Panting, the growl abating slightly as he seemed for a moment to not register who you were, and then realisation set in. You watched the animal face fill with confusion, with something warm, and then with horror as it dawned on him that you had watched him throw a man out of a window and break down your door.

Your ears filled with a soft sound as you were unable to take your eyes off of him, watching him attempt to stand and shaking his head like a wild animal that had gotten confused. Realising it was his body shifting and changing as it definitely shrunk a bit, his fur fluffing out and becoming more of the digitigrade legged rabbit humanoid that you had come to expect from William's monstrous form.

"Bunny..." He breathed, his deep, gravelly voice wavering as he reached out a hand to you before pulling it back to his chest. His eyes filling with worry as he looked at your confused, scared expression, feeling his heart swelling with self-doubt and loathing.

He had lost control. He had almost caught you up in his own ugly jealousy and gotten you hurt.

"William?" You were unsure of yourself, your own voice wavering as he nodded slowly. Both of you swallowing thickly as you began to head for the door, looking over the broken splinters. Stepping over them and feeling the incubus following your every move and following after you as you began to head down the stairs.

You needed some air.

The cold air bit at your skin in a way that was adrenaline inducing and soothing all at one. William's car was weirdly parked in the lot, but glancing at the rabbit man as he trailed sadly after you, his ears still pinned as he ran his hands over his furred face, and seeing his black slacks burst open at the bottom half of the seams, barely giving him tattered shorts, you somehow doubted he had driven there.

You sat on the hood of his car, your body shaking as the adrenaline passed and William stood barely within your reach. Looking anywhere but your face.

"What...Was..."

"That...wasn't pretty. It's what happens when I lose control. You deserve every explanation that I can give you." His voice still gravelly as he focused on your face finally, scanning you to see how you would take the information.

"You can lose control?"

"Yeah. Incubi are...well, no, demonic types in general are more prone to it. It gets messy quickly."

"What made you lose it?"

"Bunny..."

"No, William, you said I deserved an explanation, and I'm asking you." You managed to firm your voice, looking into his purple eyes and seeing his brows turning up as his expression saddened. His foot thumping his against the floor as he tried to think of how to word it. Taking a deep breath before he opened his mouth.

"You. You made me lose control." He swallowed as he ran his fingers through his fur and tried to stop the nervous tap his foot made against the concrete. Barely remembering taking his shoes off. "Well, more specifically, realising that you were on a date."

"You...turned into...that..because I was on a date?"

"Shit, that sounds awful. Bunny, god why is it so hard to speak to you? I'm an incubus, I'm a demonic being, admittedly third generation, but still. I don't like people, but talking has never been a problem until you arrived and I couldn't shake you from my thoughts." Growling as he thumped his hand against the hood of his car lightly, leaning over you and meeting your eyes finally.

"Bunny, if I had realised that you were asking me, god I...I would have said yes so many times over. I would have done so many things differently if I had known."

"You really didn't know?" You asked, incredulous as he nodded slowly, his ears perking slightly before flattening again, his nose twitching constantly as he looked away from your gaze.

"You've been thinking about me?"

"Constantly. I didn't mean to send that text to Henry, I wanted to send it to you! I purposely did it. Call me an old fool, but I...God, bunny, I want to worship the ground you walk on, you're my sunshine, and I understand if you don't want to ever see me after-"

You didn't give William a chance to continue speaking as you grabbed his tie and pulled him close, your eyes brimming with tears as the rabbit man babbled his inner thoughts to you in a heart-felt confession. He stumbled closer as your smaller frame tugged him in and he resisted to try and not crush you under his weight.

But as your lips met his, all that tense anxiety melted from his body and yours. Holding onto his tie as he was stupefied by the kiss for a moment before his thick, strong arms wrapped you up and held onto you tightly. Hearts pounding together as you broke off for air as you felt him shifting around you. The lips you kissed becoming less furred and feeling his beard scratching as your skin, thick, rough fingers stroking down your back as you sat back and looked at William's human face staring at you. His lips curled up in a smile and creased the corners of his eyes as you felt him doing a little jump in one spot, making you smile back at him.

"You don't mind...that I'm a monster?" He asked, thinking back to the terrified expression you'd had seeing his most monstrous state.

"William, if I minded, I wouldn't have kissed you when your face was furry."

"Yes, I know but still."

"Shut up and kiss me again, incubnny."

"Oh, gladly, little bunny." He cupped your cheek with one hand as he leaned in and kissed your lips again. A soft, chaste thing that still stole your breath away as he pulled you against his broad body, perched on the hood of his car as he tenderly stroked your hair. Both of you wishing the moment would never end, even though you knew that you couldn't leave William in his shredded clothes.

"Maybe we should get you home, you're kinda half-naked in the parking lot." William chuckled at your words and raised his greying eyebrow and smiling wickedly, rolling his eyes playfully.

"And here I thought that was extra romantic."

"Oh totally, in a very different context."

"Oh?"

"Stop smirking at me! You'll find out eventually, you still owe me a proper date first."

"Can I at least give you another kiss for now?" Waiting for you to confirm with a nod.

And he did, pressing his lips to yours once again and cupping both of your cheeks as you felt your cheeks flushing. Holding onto his tie still as you remained in the half-dark. Knowing that there was a lot of things the two of you would have to work out, but you were looking forwards to each and every step.

[the-real-fandom-person]

SAGAU-related brainrot knocking around my skull lately: Lady Maria!Creator.

Noble, graceful, remorseful, powerful, melancholy, otherworldly Lady Maria. The Creator isn’t a pure and untouched soul, she’s a scarred and battle-hardened warrior, ridden with guilt. Trauma has made her cold, yet paradoxically gentle.

Teyvat makes lumenflowers blossom everywhere to herald Maria!Creator’s arrival. Big ones, small ones, towering ones, blooming after sundown alongside the glaze lilies. Even in extreme temperatures, the cold, pale flowers make themselves at home. Slotting peacefully into the local ecosystems without becoming invasive. 

The Pari and the Aranara wake up to find lumenwood groves just outside their respective homes. The Melusines become enamored with these new ‘moon blossoms’ sprouting throughout their village, even the parts that are completely underwater. Amurta students and Fontaine researchers scramble over each other to study this new species. Nilou makes M!C a lumenflower crown, and it replaces her hunter’s cap for the day. Nilou gets the first ever hug from the Creator. Suck it, Azar.

Albedo and Sucrose experiment on these new plants immediately. Xiangling is already using it in some strange new recipe, something Chongyun will actually eat for once. Tighnari, Ganyu, and Shenhe take curious bites out of a lumenflower cutting. The taste isn’t unpleasant, just incomparable to anything else in Teyvat.

Inazuma characters, especially Kazuha, are absolutely fascinated by the Rakuyo (and maybe a little jealous). So graceful is M!C with her strange weapon, so easily she wields it on the battlefield. Every blacksmith in Teyvat hears the words ‘trick weapon’ and takes it as a challenge. Many come close, but none can truly replicate the genuine articles. May they never have a true need for beast-slaying weapons.

Imposter AU? With one of Bloodborne’s toughest bosses? Laughable. RIP anyone stupid enough to try. And if there’s a fake Creator pulling the strings? Not after a quick visceral attack, there isn’t. M!C pulls a blood blade to cut down the imposter’s guards (she notices the stars in her blood that weren’t there before) and the imposter receives the most satisfying visceral ever. 

Up to this point M!C put no stock in the ‘god’ thing. All she sees is mad cult, led by a petty and jealous brat on a power trip. But then she sees the stars in her blood, hears the voice of Teyvat itself, puts two and two together and just… laughs hysterically, because this whole situation is patently ridiculous. Byrgenwerth and the Healing Church failed in their quests for ascension, their heinous crimes being all for naught. Now here she is, thrown headfirst into unwanted ‘godhood’ and getting hunted by her supposed worshipers. Oh, how the tables have turned. 

Once people see the cosmos reflected in M!C’s blood, they fall over each other trying to apologize. Since she’s reached negative patience for everyone’s bullshit, she ignores them and fucks off to the Nightmare. After coming into Teyvat, M!C gained the power to enter and exit the Nightmare at will. The Nightmare doesn’t bend to her will, but it doesn’t treat her as an intruder. The Silverbeasts and Winter Lanterns don’t bat an eye at her presence. She’s a true denizen of both the waking world and the world of dreams, now. 

That night, every soul in Teyvat has the same nightmare - the Celestial gods attempting to forcibly summon the Creator, only to have themselves snatched from Celestia and dragged into a hostile, eldritch world of unfamiliar mish-mashed environments. At every turn, it is full of nightmarish creatures out for their blood. One by one, all but a select portion of Celestials become beast food, with M!C protecting the final ones herself.

Celestia, responsible for planting the fake Creator, falls from the sky the next day, its grand architecture reduced to mere rubble that rains from the heavens. Found amongst these ruins are the mangled, blood-drained and half-eaten bodies of Celestial gods. Spears made of blood impale many of the bodies, spears that seem to have sprouted from inside the flesh. Those that still have intact faces bear identical looks of horror. They find The Sustainer of Heavenly Principles in literal pieces - crushed and torn apart by hands that must have been the size of a grown man.

New stars and constellations appear in the night sky, as the illusion created by Celestia slowly fades. The curse placed on the people of Khaenriah gradually dissipates as well - the hillichurl tribes withdraw from the world, content to leave it alone. Every day, the curse lifts a little more from the people of Khaenriah; one day, Dainslief, Pierro and all the rest will finally be able to die. 

In Celestia’s place rises a second moon - a snow-white harvest moon, always full, large and visible even when clouds blanket the sky.

The Archons try to follow M!C into the Nightmare, but like Celestia, they get their shit wrecked by the denizens of the Frontier. The Archons don’t die for real, they’re just permanently cut off from the Nightmare. It takes Nahida, with dream powers of her own + Traveler and Wanderer in tow, to reach M!C and convince her to give the people of Teyvat a second chance. Nahida succeeds because she has the sense to treat M!C as a person, not some untouchable idol.

Sumeru is warm and welcoming, nothing like Yharnam or Cainhurst. M!C has fond memories from her time as a Byrgenwerth scholar, and the Akademiya feels like home. Sumeru becomes M!C’s preferred nation by default, to the pride of the locals and the despair of everyone else.

M!C has trouble wrapping her head around how mundane Teyvat’s supposed ‘gods’ are. Elemental powers or not, these Archons are too human to be divine; the only divinity M!C knows is eldritch, alien, far beyond mortal comprehension. The Traveler is fractionally closer to true godhood than any Archon. But then, just as the Great Ones were beyond human comprehension, so too are humans beyond the understanding of the Great Ones - perhaps it’s better for humans to have human gods.

Speaking of gods, M!C and Nahida bond over their dream-related powers. If this is before the climax of the Sumeru quest line, the Akademiya gets real quiet, especially when M!C publicly points out how asinine their logic is (she was closely associated with Byrgenwerth and Laurence, she knows their kind all too well). For all of his failures, all the disastrous consequences, Vicar Laurence at least had genuinely good intentions; these fools only care about themselves and preserving their own power. Scaramouche, Azar, the traitorous Sages - selfish, ignorant children all, meddling with forces they only pretend to understand. Crushing them herself is merciful compared to the other outcomes.

Through tactical manipulation of dream worlds, M!C busts Nahida out of baby jail long before Traveler and co. have to, and the Akademiya goes into panic mode because the Creator herself is coming for them. Traveler and co.’s plans turn instead to finding the hidden laboratory under Sumeru City - the combined power of dreams horrifically distorts the battlefield around the Shouki no Kami, even after his defeat. M!C doesn’t kill Azar after the fact, but she doesn’t let him go into exile empty-handed... because she cuts off his hands. Cyno is too unsettled to laugh.

Scaramouche resents her for her part in ruining his apotheosis (and because the Creator didn’t do shit for him in his tragically long life) but as the Wanderer, he and M!C bond over a shared disgust for the Second Fatui Harbinger.

And speaking of the Fatui... Well, they try to recruit her to the cause, and she has this to say:

“I’ll not serve your organization while any part of Dottore yet lives. For too many years, I stood by and did nothing while so-called ‘doctors’ brutalized the innocent and vulnerable for their supposed research, their dreams of godhood and divine revelation. Never again. If your leaders possess a shred of self-preservation between themselves, then perish the thought this instant.”

Fatui agent(s): ...

They don’t give up, of course. The less friendly ‘recruiters’ get sent back to Snezhnaya in pieces. The only Fatuus M!C tolerates is Tartaglia, because aside from being the Traveler’s friend, he’s a decent punching bag/sparring partner. She finds his Foul Legacy transformation cute, like a kitten baring its teeth at a lion.

Related idea: M!C meets Dottore’s remaining segment, and after everything she’s heard (let’s say from Collei and Wanderer, maybe Nahida too) she barely lets him get two words in before cutting his head clean off. Will this affect Dottore in the long run? Probably not. Does it make her feel better? Yes, actually. Collei certainly isn’t upset by the news. Wanderer is, only because he feels M!C was too merciful. She lets him dismember the segment so they can stuff it in a box and send it back to the Doctor as a warning.

If a scourge of beasts were to descend on Teyvat, probably because of Dottore M!C would lead the defense. This is not a war that mortals alone can fight, she insists. By her orders, every available god (herself included), adeptus, dragon, and most of the older allogenes are on the front lines, staving off the worst of the horde. Pyro users are in high demand, for the beasts fear them the most. In lieu of blood ministration, the various healers of Teyvat are working ‘round-the-clock. An entirely new crop of Vision-wielding healers spring up, because Teyvat’s top god herself unconsciously wills them into existence. Because M!C would never make use of the Old Blood, not after seeing and experiencing its effects firsthand. The burden of being a capital-H Hunter, the sweet, intoxicating call of blood - M!C remembers Byrgenwerth’s sacred adage, and she has learned from the mistakes of Vicar Laurence. Yharnam was merely the latest in a cycle of destruction, all because of the Old Blood. She will not doom Teyvat to suffer the same fate.

[glass--beach]

(Forever????????) has such a hold on me. How did it come to be?

started when i stumbled upon this video on youtube

it’s a very pretty song but the cloyingly sweet americana of it all made it ripe for ironic decontextualization. i took a little loop of the song and used it as an outro for bedroom community, overlaid with an audio recording of my therapist from college leading me through hypnosis to attempt to calm me while i was suffering a very intense manic episode. (this man might have been a bit of a quack but i have yet to meet a therapist who is not on SOME kind of bullshit). it’s meant as a tragic ending to bedroom community, the return to status quo, stepping over the bodybags and going back to regular american suburban life. it’s the moment of panic that god it really is gonna be like this forever and then it’s the repression. the moment of submission to the cissexist culture…

now of course i didn’t even end up using that version, i was a little wary of both any copyright issues that might come from so prominently featuring a well known sample and also sharing what was meant to be a very private audio recording and so i ended up taking the chord progression & melody of the song and using it as a jumping off point for what was basically a new composition. (the old version is in the demos that we released though). the final one is just two guitars playing slightly different arpeggios of the song’s chords and some synths doing the melody. to me i think much of the intended meaning still comes through but being an instrumental with its reference points pretty obfuscated i think most just take it as a very pretty but melancholy song.

i’m fascinated by the near universal nostalgic feeling people seem to get from it. our youtube upload and many unofficial ones are loaded with comments of people mourning deceased loved ones or old relationships. i get it and find that all very sweet and beautiful but i can’t help but feel conflicted as someone who, despite often feeling obsessed with the past as much as anyone, would consider myself politically anti-nostalgia. bedroom community makes that a little more overt with its criticism of the anachronistic suburban “middle class” order being upheld through implicit (sometimes explicit) violence - the “son of a soldier…” verse especially. forever is in conversation with the same idea but has ironically been so decontextualized as to now seemingly take on the meaning of the original song i had sampled. i think its success on streaming through sleep/study playlists contributed to my complete rejection of “vibe” based playlists & passive music listening in general that led to the intentionally obtuse aesthetic & writing of plastic death.

umm anyway i’m glad you like the song!! i like it a lot too. it was one of those rare instances in music making where i truly felt i was channeling the divine. i didn’t struggle with it at all, it’s just, one day it wasn’t and the next day it was. i’ve not really talked about it at length much and last time i did i don’t think i could properly get across what it meant to me or why i did it the way i did. i understand my then 23 year old self more than ever now though lol

[gatabella]

Ava Gardner and Frank Sinatra, c.1952

"One of Frank’s favorite songs was I Can’t Get Started with You, and he always had Ava in mind when he sang it. “I’ve been around the world in a plane, I’ve started revolutions in Spain, I’m down and brokenhearted, ’cause I can’t get started with you.” What he meant was that he couldn’t get started again, and that was the story of his life. Every love song he sang was for Ava, and every woman he had was an attempt to make him forget her. Nothing worked. Ava wasn’t at all melancholy about it. She was a no-bullshit woman, totally realistic. She called it the way it was, and the way it was with Frank was not meant to be. Poor Mr. S." "My first day working for Frank was very exciting. When I opened his apartment door, I was surprised he needed a valet at all, the place was so immaculately neat…The five-room, two-bedroom unit was a shrine to Ava Gardner. There were pictures of her everywhere, in the bathrooms, in the closet, on the refrigerator. There were a couple of framed photographs of his children and of his parents but none of his ex-wife Nancy."

-Mr S, The Last Word on Frank Sinatra by George Jacobs

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

guess what my start date is

fuckign Guess

i got the job

[kikohao]

⇴ "you're telling me that you've only had one crush your entire life? that's bullshit. tell me who it is." "no."

DINODINODINOOOO

ᅠᅠᅠᅠ ⠀⠀⠀⋆˙. liqour courage

★ ㅤㅤpairing ; universitystudent!enemy!chan x universitystudent!drunk!reader ★ ㅤㅤsummary ; where you confess to someone who you never thought you'd fall for OR where dino helps you when you're drunk ★ ㅤㅤthemes ; open ending, enemies to ??? ★ ㅤㅤwarnings ; reader is drunk, open ending, cursing ★ ㅤㅤword count ; 0.5k ★ ㅤㅤtaglist ; @nonononranghaee @abodyhasbeenfound @staranghae @prpldahy @starshuas ★ ㅤㅤa/n ; i actually DO NOT like how this fic turned out if im being fr but like um here you go! kept this one an open ending bc 🤭🤭 requests are always open! (texts, ot13 scenarios, drabbles, fics, mtls, etc) send an ask to be added to my taglist! likes and reblogs are appreciated! <3

"Walk slower or I think I might lose my dinner," slurred words come out of your mouth as you lay your head on Chan's shoulder, "And you do not want that to happen!" You murmured, receiving another scoff. 

"Why'd you drink so much if you can't handle the liquor? Either way, you should've asked someone else to carry you, you're fucking heavy."

You gasp, hand on your mouth, "How dare you call me heavy!" You let out accompanied by a kick that forcibly got an 'ow' from the man.

"Kick me one more time, you're off my back," he said, facing you this time.

You unknowingly pout, hands tightening his neck until silence overcomes the both of you.

"At the party, one of your friends mentioned to me that you've liked someone for a long time," You simply mentioned.

"I think you're sober now." He replied.

"They also said that you've only had one crush. Are they that special?"

Dino let you off him gently at the bench that was spotted to stretch his back from carrying you.

"We're almost there."

You let out a gasp, "No way! Is it true?" You ask him, eyes now widened. "You're telling me that you've only had one crush your entire life? That's bullshit. Tell me who it is."

"No."

"Why not?" You whine you want to know who the lucky woman is.

He shrugs as he sits next to you on the bench.

Under the glow of the moon, the cool breeze caressed his hair. It made him look at peace. Melancholy, but at peace.

What an ethereal sight, you think to yourself.

"I don't think I'm drunk." You say, still staring at him. He glances at you, then looks away, "Yes, you are. Your face is red and your words are slurred. Takes me a whole minute to understand."

"If I were drunk, would I be able to do this?" You ask, denying his accusations.

"You're not doing anything."

"But.. I sent you my love. Did you.. did you not get it?" You ask, now surprised. He should've surely gotten it by now.

As he chuckles, a cold shiver runs down your spine followed by goosebumps. You look away, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks. The first time he's smiled today, you note.

"Come on, I'll take you back to the dorms." He says, standing up.

"Do you not understand? I fell for you."

As those words left your mouth, it felt as if time froze. Seconds turned into minutes as not a word was uttered. You looked over at him, noticing his ears turning bright red.

"I think, I think I love you," you added on.

"And I would love to answer you, but I think I would appreciate it more when you're able to understand my answer." He says as he faces you, holding his hand out.

[theblockedtomb]

So about Ult!Dirk's shitty weeb sandals

I should have noticed earlier, it's hardly subtle, but... His colour palette is all very obviously prince of heart, ft orange highlights

Except his shoes, which clash so hard cause they're deep forest green.

That besotted fucking homosexual. Do we think it's a deliberate "stepping on a representation of my ex" cope or a subtle "I still think about him" melancholy detail or a totally subliminal "wdym does the colour remind me of anything, I just want a contrast" type of bullshit?