#on another note a non-anime what a shocker

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

��My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

[haikyuu-boys-headcanons]

𝙷𝙰𝙸𝙺𝚈𝚄𝚄 𝙱𝙾𝚈𝚂 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈 𝚂𝙸𝙼𝚂;

quick note;

hi hi hi!! it’s been a while guys! posting some drafts i wrote when i was taking a break <3 this is just how the boys play sims :)

𝙳𝙰𝙸𝙲𝙷𝙸 » plays very... responsibility?? no cheats, (he has no idea how to use them) literally gives them no time for hobbies, he’s focused on their needs to even consider hobbies + he stresses about the bills 

𝚂𝚄𝙶𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙰 » spends plenty of time downloading cc and customizing his sims to perfection. even spends hours on end just creating perfect little houses. goes through the 5 stages of grief after one of his sims die

𝙰𝚂𝙰𝙷𝙸 » two words; pure panic. he has so many needs to look after! and has anyone fed the dog?? and has anyone paid the bills for the water?? why is there suddenly a fire every two seconds?!?! deletes the game after an hour of pure stress

𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙺𝙰 » downloads whicked-whims out of curiosity. regrets it almost immediately, so he tried to take it out of his game and somehow, he took out the wrong files and now all of his sims only have one leg and green skin

𝙽𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙾𝚈𝙰 » pulls the tiddy bar in CAS all the way up and you can’t convince me otherwise. besides making super hot girls in CAS, noya just fucks around with all the weird debugs and settings + desperately tries to look under the blankets during woohoo 

𝙺𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰 » gets so unbelievably frustrated at his sims, to the point where he just starts yelling at them. “didn’t i just feed you, tanisha? don’t be greedy, YOU GET WHAT YOUR GIVEN!” in some ways, i feel so sorry for his sims 

𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙰𝚃𝙰 » surprisingly, very invested in the game! he’s become a master of all cheats and truly enjoys the mechanical aspect of the game. he even has all the expansion packs and everything!

𝚃𝚂𝚄𝙺𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙼𝙰 » despises the game. he thinks it’s some sort of sadistic fuel for people with god complexes. refuses to play until you mention you can drown people in the game. who’s the real sadist here, kei?

𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰𝙶𝚄𝙲𝙷𝙸 » downloads so many mods and cc until his laptop is literally about to explode. likes to explore the hidden secrets of the game (plant-sims, rabbit holes, ect...) 

𝙾𝙸𝙺𝙰𝚆𝙰 » makes a mini-sim version of himself and uses cheats throughout the entire game. no one is going to ruin a mini pixel fantasy of himself, not even the cheap ass grill that manages to set everyone on fire every two seconds

𝙸𝚆𝙰𝚉𝚄𝙼𝙸 » religiously does not believe in cheats. he would casually brag to everyone that he managed to finish 3 aspirations on one sim with no cheats but disregards the fact that all his sims are broke and starving 90% of the time

𝙼𝙰𝚃𝚃𝚂𝚄𝙽 » non-committal to all of his households. starts a new one every hour and gets bored of it within the first 5 minutes. he lowkey feels bad for the sims that he’s abandoned and checks up on them once in a while so he won’t feel guilty for leaving them

𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙼𝙰𝙺𝙸 »  “so... how do you win?” “you can’t really win, it’s a-” “then WHY ARE WE PLAYING??” the whole concept confuses him, he just ends up speeding up time the entire game until suddenly all his sims are dead. he has the audacity to be shocked 

𝙺𝚄𝙽𝙸𝙼𝙸 » the type to get the “cats & dogs” pack and only focus on the animal. like he’ll forget to feed his sim but gets a panic attack every time he can’t find his cat

𝙺𝚈𝙾𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙸 » no.

𝙺𝚄𝚁𝙾𝙾 » success is his main priority in this game. he’ll make his sims as rich as possible and even make his sims work endless hours using the “no sleep” mod! also won’t let them take showers or eat until their work is done! it’s a little worrying!!

𝙺𝙴𝙽𝙼𝙰 » tries to finish the 100 baby challenge like 10 times but always fails miserably. even uses cheats and still manages to fuck up?? calls the game a waste of money on reddit and starts a hate page

𝙻𝙴𝚅 » tries to always create the most picture-perfect white-picket fence family but something always manages to get in the way. whether it be an unaccounted grill fire or the baby getting taken away, he always ends up on the verge of crying and starting a new save

𝙱𝙾𝙺𝚄𝚃𝙾 » always wants the biggest and most expansive family there is. would get mccommand center just so he could fit his family of 47 into one 20 x 20 lot. not to mention, he always has like 8 other apps running in the background so unsurprisingly, he has alot of random burns from his explosive laptop 

𝙰𝙺𝙰𝙰𝚂𝙷𝙸 » the most perfect way you could play the sims, probably the way the creators intended. goes from rags to riches using no cheats, no sudden deaths and no negative moodlets. hmm... a little too perfectly played, wouldn’t you say?

𝙺𝙾𝙽𝙾𝙷𝙰 » refuses to play because of the conspiracies he read about on reddit. he genuinely thinks the sims is just a warning from the government that we’re all in a simulation and that there’s reptiles controlling all of us until we all jus- you know what, no more reddit for you konaha

𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙹𝙸𝙼𝙰 » total dumbass. wouldn’t be surprised if all of his sims just died as soon as he loaded up the game. wouldn’t even bother with cc or cas, he would just play either with the premade sims or just randomize everything.

𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙾𝚄 » utter chaos. primarily drug mods, constantly developing and making bank from his drug businesses. would have half his sims take an entire bottle of MDMA and then wonder why they died?? like yes tendou, sims (just like you!) can overdose!! shocker, isn’t it? 

𝚂𝙴𝙼𝙸 »  strives on his house-building and designing skills. like this mf can speed-build mansions but he can’t figure out how to download cc. doesn’t even actually play the sims, just designs houses and then dips

𝙶𝙾𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙺𝙸 » very attentive to their needs bar. like the second his sim’s bladder bar goes down, he’s rage-clicking on the toilet + “hurry sylvia, piss! i don’t want a repeat of last time!!”

𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙼𝙰 » downloads the hoe-it up mod as a joke and then continues to become very invested in his strips clubs! the downtown fountain club isn’t doing too well? it’s okay, he’ll just make jessica do 30 lap dances until she gets her 1 minute break to eat, piss, shower and sleep!

𝚂𝙰𝙺𝚄𝚂𝙰 » takes the game a little uh... too seriously? will literally get out pen and paper to calculate his expenses, taxes and his water bill. + “no margret, you can’t shower today because then we won’t have enough money to pay the electric bill” poor margret.

𝙾𝚂𝙰𝙼𝚄 » finds out what cc is, spends 3 days just downloading cc and then continues to play non-stop for a whole week. then, he won’t touch the game for another 6 months until he remembers about it again. rise and repeat, like a true simmer

𝙰𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙼𝚄 » loves making drama! he’ll create marriages just to destroy them, make all the spouses cheat on each other and then kidnap their children for ransom until the parents go crazy and kill themselves. a true menace to society

𝚂𝚄𝙽𝙰 » would burn down his house making grilled cheese and would never play again

[wasp-coffee]

for the emoji ask:

🍦🎬 📚 🌸 💁

When I was, like, 12? My school went on a trip to this outdoors center in the middle of nowhere for a week and it was pretty cool. I mean the weather was terrible, the wetsuits stank, and kayaking sucked but the food was amazing and it was sort of the shared misery of being forced to participate in team-building exercises with the guys that made fun of you for X, Y, Z. It was great, I'll always remember it, especially with the coma-inducing amount of sweets everyone managed to cram into their suitcases.

Top Gun (1986) (shocker!), The Mummy (1999), Whip It (2009), Anastasia (1997):

I really don't need to say anything about Top Gun... I'm sure EVERYONE is well aware of how I feel about Top Gun.

The Mummy is both iconic and hilarious, I must've seen it upwards of 100 times when I was younger and it still holds up (yes the CGI sucks but IDGAF). Starring Racheal Weiss and Brendon Fraser it truly is bisexual culture. Its a great film and a fun watch.

Whip It is THEE rollerskating movie, directed by Drew Barrymore (icon) and Eliot Page (Icon) it has a brilliant cast of mainly women and is just a fucking masterpiece tbh the soundtrack is great. Everyone should go watch Whip It (not sponsored).

Anastasia is an absolutely amazing musical with the wackest animation that the late 90s could offer, with MEG RYAN as Anya and Angela Landsbury as The Dowager Empress. All the songs are fucking bangers, it's a beautiful film with a hilarious antagonist AND a broadway musical based on it (slime tutorials readily available on youtube, but you didn't hear that from me).

JUST THREE??? Hm okay... (please don't @ me) -I'm going off the books I think I reread the most (I haven't sat down to read properly in ages so bear with)

The Infernal Devices its a series but it counts as (1)I've read it upwards of ten times after I found it at the library five? (jeez) years ago. I now have my own copies and the spines make a beautiful picture. Here's some quotes:

" And you are still with me. When I breath, I will think of you, for without you I would have been dead years ago. When I wake up and when I sleep, when I lift up my hands to defend myself or when I lie down to die, you will be with me. You say we are born again. I say there is a river that divides the dead and the living. What I do know is that if we are born again, I will meet you in another life, if there is a river, you will wait on the shores for me to come to you, so we can cross together." 

“I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.”

“Patriotic?” Will looked smug. “I’ll tell you what’s patriotic,” he said. “In honor of my birthplace, I’ve the dragon of Wales tattooed on my—”

The Hunger Games - I must have read it on repeat the summer I bought it (thank you duty free!) The poor book is fraying at the corners and the spine is in smithereens but here's a quote:

“Yes. I killed him. And buried her in flowers," I say. "And I sang her to sleep.”

The City of Heavenly Fire (another Cassandra Clare book ik ik and its YA I can hear the chorus of groans already) Its the last Mortal Instruments book and its fucking good okay.

“His eyes were green.”

“We are all the pieces of what we remember. We hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there is love and memory, there is no true loss.”

I want to note here that I do have a lot of other books on my shelves but these are the ones I've read more than most. I have a whole shelf of classics and another for non fiction but these are just the books that I feel made an impact (or a crater) on me the first time I read them.

An ambivert I think? It depends on where I am and what's going on.

Uh I don't know, It's dependant on the situation really. How rude? I mean is it like someone shoving past or cutting a line or verbally? If it was, like, someone saying something rude I'd usually just let it slide - put it down to ignorance - but if someone's rude to me and then someone I'm with I'd probably say something. I have a no tolerance policy for people treating my friends like shit.

[the-lightning-strikes-again]

I was curious if I was the only one who kinda enjoyed the battle between the paladins and Lotor in s6? Well at least at first I did until it was never further explored in later seasons. I honestly thought for sure Lotor would come back after s6 and there'd be more to the colony. But it's all kind of just forgotten about so they can move on to the next thing. Anyway hope I'm not bothering you. Sorry for my rambling. haha

Hi, anon! Thanks for the note! And no, you’re not bothering me at all; I appreciate the chance to chat! For the record, I know you’re not the only one who genuinely enjoyed s6. I even know people who enjoyed s1-s8 entirely, lol. As for myself, the animation and acting involved in the s6 battle was really great, and I loved the Sincline mecha. It is honestly one of my favorite designed mechas out of all the mecha shows I’ve seen. So s6 wasn’t a total loss for me. And I actually would not at all have minded a genuine villain!Lotor if they’d properly set up for that. As it is, though, the reason for the battle in s6 is what bothers me and sours my enjoyment. Ultimately, I think the show had to compromise very important story components to result in this battle, and that kills my enjoyment.

I can try to explain what story components I felt got compromised in s6, if you’re interested. But this could get a lil salty, haha. I’ll put it under a Keep Reading line:

The show had a subtle through-line of showing a duplicitous, distrustful Lotor go from hunting down the paladins and throwing several people under the bus for a personal gain (s3-s4), to being actually scared in s5 when he thought Zarkon was going to kill the paladins, to being willing to share his entire intelligence network and information of unfathomable power with his new allies (s5), to allowing the paladins to actually order him around and actively change his moral priorities (s6, ep1)—which is very, very different than the relationship he had with his own generals. So the show had Lotor on a development arc regarding his distrust���and even a redemption arc regarding a fault in his morals, even though the show very plainly stated (multiple times throughout s3-s5) that he longed to get to the quintessence field to stop the Galran empire’s feasting on planets.

That’s part of what bothers me with s6—it reverses this subtle through-line of development and then punishes Lotor for an understandably disturbing de-valuing of life that…1) likely wasn’t even his worst or most extensive crime, 2) was something he was actively learning to overcome and get away from in the present time, and 3) was based on a moral problem paladins had seen within him and previously still accepted their alliance.

Lotor wasn’t a saint to start in this show, and he had a perspective where it didn’t bother him for some people to die if it meant his larger goal of peace was obtained. The weird thing about s6 is we saw the paladins experience that with him already, well before the s6 colony twist. In S6, Lotor places the value of obtaining unlimited quintessence over the safety of an entire Galran planet, and Allura admonishes him and reminds him of his innocent subjects. In s6 ep1, Lotor is very directly challenged by the morality of Allura, who despite being a victim of Galrans, desires that no one should die. That these innocent subjects and Galran soldiers are still just as valuable as everyone else.

So by this moment in s6, Lotor has identified the paladins as valuable enough to risk his life for them…but he hasn’t assigned that same value to the average Galran soldier or citizen he’s still deemed expendable/not worthy of saving compared to his grand agenda of peace. If he had assigned them such value, he would not have initially tried to argue with Allura on going to save them. It’s the one time that Allura gets huffy with him post-alliance and directly contradicts him. And Lotor looks…almost mournful or ashamed? He submits to her, regardless, allowing for his personal missions to go on hold for the first time in interest of other people.

His submission here shows another switch had been flipped in his character, for the better. Prior to Allura and the paladins, he had no difficulty assassinating Narti or leaving his generals for dead after they realized they were in fact expendable. S6 ep1 shows Lotor submitting to save even Galran soldiers that he likely knew were not Emperor Lotor fans.

So going back to the big colony twist, the paladins actively should have known that Lotor had a slightly bent perspective about the expendability of people, because they’d seen it before in season 6 episode 1 and even back in season 3. Clearly, he’s done not good things in the past at the expense of others “for a greater good,” so I don’t know why it’s such a shocker that he would apply the same perspective to Alteans. They literally saw him de-value his own people before, in real-time.

It gets weird too because we see that Lotor had very quickly changed his tactics for obtaining pure quintessence after he realizes Allura and team Voltron are the path of least resistance and least collateral damage. We see him relenting to protect all of his innocent subjects. So ultimately, he ends up being punished for having a problematic perspective that he was slowly beginning to decouple from at the time of his accusation, which the paladins were also witnessing. As it is, the show punishes Lotor for his past crimes precisely after the paladins had already seen this behavior in him, and also after his perspective had started to change for the better. The narrative then pushes him back down into a behavior where he instead expands the list of people and things he accepts as expendable.

I feel that the subliminal messaging behind this particular construction is a little screwy and disheartening. The colony twist would have been better if the show had presented Lotor in s5 and s6 episode 1 as not being ashamed—not submitting—and even getting irritated that Voltron cared about one labor planet in the face of what Lotor felt was a higher calling for peace. It would have been interesting to show Lotor as inherently unconcerned or even approving that the paladins almost died while he and Allura were out in Oriande. There needed to be a more solid through-line of a very troubling, uncontrollable fault that would undermine the alliance and peace itself.

Next, to even get Lotor to go insane or to have him reliant on harvesting Altean quintessence, the show had to contradict its own worldbuilding in early seasons. Lotor was fully infused with massive amounts of quintessence prior to birth that EPs once stated put him on pretty much the same level as Allura, and that he was immune to quintessence. So…s6 heavily contradicts Lotor’s incredibly dynamic behavior and even his moral interest in not killing planets by making him go insane to nearly kill the entire universe. And canon accomplishes this in a way that canonically shouldn’t have been possible, per his in-utero quintessence exposure.

And then I’m bothered that if all he wanted was pure quintessence, there were canonically several other ways to obtain it, including for example that Balmera planets were known for harboring pure quintessence, even pure quintessence offered by living beings like Alteans, and that Balmeras were capable of offering up such power willingly in exchange for a slight token from the asker—or that Weblums happened to be concentrated quintessence manufacturers just floating around…

And I’m bothered that in various places, the show uplifts Alteans as inherently different in their life force/quintessence from all other living things. It contradicts the basic worldbuilding around what quintessence even is according to earlier seasons and creates some…idk, really squicky master race vibes, in ways that other fantasy space shows like Star Wars desperately have tried to avoid by showing diversity among the Jedi and Sith ranks. In VLD, it’s as if to say that Lotor couldn’t have possibly accomplished his goal without specifically sacrificing the life force of one particular race.  

And while what Lotor did doesn’t by definition count as genocide (he still preserved the race and its culture), this messaging in later seasons about inherent racial reasons to sacrifice people is the same problematic thinking people use to perpetuate genocides in real life. And I just…I have a real problem with that. According to the later seasons, the colony Alteans are victims of Lotor’s experiments for specifically being born Altean. It’s even more squicky that the show could have rejected the bad message of “we must sacrifice a race because of their inherent properties” and fleshed out the minimal cues that other races could be just as powerful and helpful—but didn’t.

(For example, the show presents Keith with Princess Leia-like quintessence sensitivity, Coran and Balmera people with the ability to interface with and accept quintessence storages, the Balmera people themselves infusing the Balmera with their quintessence, the Weblums harboring mass stores of concentrated quintessence in their bellies, the very non-Altean Druids like Macidus manipulating mass quintessence into magic, and even a sea serpent/The Baku in season 2 using quintessence to mind-control an entire species. This show could have very easily pulled a Star Wars and at least fleshed out that hey, Midi-chlorians don’t discriminate and that any species can harbor a great Jedi…or Sith.)

But no—instead of presenting a diverse front of magical capabilities coming together to save the universe, the show champions in s8 its own horrific implications in s6, by having two Alteans sacrifice their lives in the end…because of course no other race could learn or manipulate the deep secrets of the universe? No one else could help share the load so that no one would have to actually die? I get that war means sacrifice, but like...why are we always sacrificing specifically along racial lines? So actually, after that s6 morality tantrum, the show approves of Lotor’s tactics by sacrificing the few Alteans to save the many because those few are somehow inherently different? And isn’t it wild that ultimately the federal figurehead of Alteans, Princess Allura, exonerates Lotor for sacrificing Alteans for their power in the name of larger peace…shortly before pulling a Lotor and sacrificing herself in the name of peace? So even in the final moments, the show is trying to argue with me that sometimes it’s necessary to sacrifice a specific race by virtue of their inherent nature.

So…I guess I’ve rambled. I really wouldn’t have minded a villainous Lotor or a big Voltron vs. Sincline battle. There were things I genuinely did like about s6, and I applaud the animators and VAs for their performance in that season. But I think there were a million and one ways to produce that plot, and the way s6 gets to these points makes me feel disquieted. It feels contradictory to previous worldbuilding and to character arcs, it undermines the morality being argued throughout the show, and it just feels like a cheap bait-and-switch if I think about it too long. Instead of relying on an old crime and a known character fault as a justification for battle, it would have been far better if Lotor had done something to specifically betray Voltron and the newly minted alliance or proved himself incapable of submitting to moral choices. And that’s only if they wanted a truly villainous Lotor. There were ways he could betray Voltron without actually turning into a comic book villain...even ways that he could outwardly play a betrayal while still functioning as an agent for Voltron’s aims to stop a loose Haggar/Honerva...

I guess, in retrospect, s6 is a really good example of a plot-driven season. It presented some really fantastic animation and battles and angst…but what did it cost the show to get there?

I think VLD itself should have taken its own advice—that one cannot place a lesser value on one component in the name of achieving a desired end goal. The season ultimately sacrificed world building and character development to achieve a stunning, angsty, heart-stopping robot fight. And that sacrifice undermined so many other things about the show and tainted my enjoyment. Sort of like mixing poop into a cake, I guess, lol.

[hoe-doroki]

ana reads bnha ch22

previous chapter here first chapter here next chapter here

Okay, looks like we have to jump into feminism right off the bat! I feel like this is so typical of Horikoshi and his female characters. All of these notes on Uraraka’s body…and he doesn’t have anything to say. Nothing of substance, at least. It’s jokey, I guess this is supposed to be funny, and it’s not like I’m angry but. It’s just a little exhausting, right? To have to sit around waiting for little nuggets about female characters and then get “Uraraka’s Body: Very Ochako Uraraka”?? Meanwhile, the things he wrote for Midoriya, Bakugou, and Iida were actually funny. “Midoriya’s eyes: those tear ducts are always on duty,” “Bakugou’s heart: explosively petty,” “Iida’s hands: strange gestures bewilder his opponents.” Those are funny! This is just a let down.

All the 20yo boys I’ve ever known are too so. Shocker, All Might.

Sounds familiar.

Hey, totally unrelated, but, fellow Americans, remember to vote! I’m voting today. :) If all goes according to plan

Despite what he just witnessed two days ago, this is the most horrified Midoriya’s been in his entire life.

Okay, class in this story is interesting. Because we get to see all angles of it. We have the rich kids: Yaoyorozu (for whom it’s most emphasized), Todoroki, and Iida. And then here we have Uraraka, who’s truly poor. And, yeah, in this moment, Midoriya and Iida aren’t really grasping that. And, at 15, without seeing actual living circumstances, they probably won’t. But I know, for me, my first moments of understanding poverty and knowing people who have experienced it have been harrowing. And I feel like that deserves some attention. Maybe not here, but at some point. Like, we hear people talk about their class, but there’s no actual talk about money, aside from the fact that Uraraka isn’t really able to decorate her room later on. Idk, I’d just appreciate some of that layer of realism in this.

Oh, I see what’s happening here.

Mm! This relates to an earlier question I posed about monster quirks and personhood. In the anime, the English subtitles say “another person” instead of “someone else.” But, either way, it goes to show that Midoriya is clearly thinking about Nomu as a human, even though he’s been manipulated out of having any recognizable sentience and has been combined with parts of multiple people (Though Midoriya doesn’t know all that). So it seems as though society—or at least the Izukus in it—have transformed thought to readily and automatically think of people who look very non-human as fully human, villain, hero or otherwise.

This might seem obvious to others, but I think it’s a point worth exploring because, historically, you can see, for example, white colonists’ depersonalization of Black enslaved people and Indigenous Peoples. If that can happen with people of a different skin color, then imagine what some people would think of those with mutant quirks like Shouji, Gang Orca, or Spinner. The sociology in this world must be bananas.

PEOPLE STILL SMOKE ~200 YEARS IN THE FUTURE? COME ON.

Overall: Okay, thrilled to get a little more from Uraraka. And it’s an important issue to, involving her family. Really great, even if I wish there would be more depth to it later.

Really, this is our first filler chapter, I would say. I don’t think there have been any so far, and this chapter just functions as a transition between the end of the USJ into the Sports Festival arc. But I think it’s really well spent! We learn about Ochako, we get this awesome Dad Might scene, and we get to see a bit of the faculty and Snipe’s ridiculous accent. I so wish we got more of this!

Also, Horikoshi brilliantly gives us just enough background on the Sports Festival that shows us so many things. It’s importance, more worldbuilding for this new society—re: the Olympics—what the students think of it. We get so much info and it doesn’t come off as expository or info-dumpy. This is one of the hardest things in writing! I’m in awe!

[m42-fr]

Some FR Food Headcanons

Inspired by a thread on FR, I may or may not have accidentally written up a massive column of text on the various foods of Sorneith. I’m gonna copy-paste it here! Also gonna reblog with some headcanons from other users on that thread, so I can keep track of the ones that I really liked.

Lightning: In a more modern world, I'm absolutely certain somebody's invented the equivalent of Soylent (the meal replacement, not people). A quick, efficient meal that you can live your entire life off of, liquid and flavorless. Most people try to get some real food in whenever possible, but a particular strand of dragons absolutely swear by the stuff and spend their entire lives subsisting on it. Lightning cuisine also has a wide array of shelled creatures, including crustaceans, beetles, and armadillos. Many traditional dishes use the hollowed-out shells of these animals as bowls, while others utilize the bowl as an edible element. Dragon jaws are strong, and many texture-based eaters love the feeling of the shell cracking between their teeth.

Fire: Firstly, as a spice lover, I 100% support the notion of Fire having super spicy food. Secondly, it should be worth noting that I personally headcanon a large chunk of Fire's territory being covered in humid tropical rainforests, nourished by the rich volcanic runoff and the moist sea winds blowing in from both sides. Climates are basically as far from realistic as you can get in this game, so really, anything goes. With that in mind, I personally headcanon a lot of Fire's cuisine to be like Indian food, especially the advent of curry and the usage of an insane amount of spices. Having such fertile farmlands lends itself well to the growth of all sorts of exotic spices, and even if you don't personally share my headcanons, it's easy to say that since it borders Wind, it could ship in spices from there. Also, Fire residents absolutely boil their coffee like this. No exceptions. Which brings me to Wind. If Fire is India, then Wind is China and/or Japan. Seriously, having that sort of aesthetic already, it's very easy to say that their food might be like that as well! I think they 100% have rice, and they might have a wide variety of spices as well - if Fire grows their own spices, then the two Flights likely trade their spices very often with one another. The Wind flight is artistic, creative, and adventurous, and their food is no exception. Wind has one of the greatest amounts of imported food, and it's well-known that they have some of the best and most well-traveled chefs. Wind, having a border on two large oceans, also likes to make sushi, seaweed wraps, and other seafood-based items. There's an interesting cuisine difference between the coasts and the mainland - the coasts tend to rely less on spices and more on meats and rice, while the inland likes to pack their food with spice, and loves to utilize doughy recipes like dumplings and noodles. Arcane food is very sugary. Faes have a special sweet tooth and a hankering for honey in particular. Arcane food is also very showy - the more colorful, the better! Many professionally-made dishes will even utilize inedible elements, such as crystal chunks and gold flakes, to really make a dessert pop. Arcane is also the home of food-based magic. Instead of potions, crafters will cover cupcakes in frosting runes, and mix magically-infused powder into their dough. While lacking the long-term storage potential of a bottled elixir, there's no arguing that magical confectioneries are significantly tastier. Their most popular use is in the realm of light pick-me-ups and mild painkillers. Why take a pill for your headache when you can just eat a magic cookie instead? Shadow food focuses heavily on texture over appearance. In the dark, the way food looks doesn't matter much - it's how it feels in the mouth that counts. Unsurprisingly, many of its dishes utilize mushrooms as a primary ingredient, and slow-roasting is a popular way to bring a dish to perfection. Shadow also absolutely loves puddings, and one of its most famous dishes is a dark, sludgy, tarlike stuff laced with dark chocolate and mint. Very filling, and so sugary that getting all of it down without making yourself sick is a challenge. Earth food is plain, but hearty. Tubers are the most common type of food; potatoes, carrots, leeks, onions, and other ground-growing plants are common. There are few traditional meat dishes, as meat is exceedingly rare. Earth food lacks many spices, but has an abundance of one critical substance: salt. The territory is home to massive salt flats that can be mined for their salt, and this alone makes up the backbone of its trading economy. Earth flighters love their salt - there's essentially no dish in their repertoire that doesn't use it to some capacity. Plague cuisine tends to favor strong, meaty flavors. They like their meat juicy, bleeding, and fresh. Given the land's propensity towards hunting parties and scavenger behavior, dishes tend to be local. Cooking is quite widespread, though. Most notably: stews. Plague dragons almost invariably boil their water before they drink it to rid it of potential diseases, and eventually somebody got the bright idea to drop some bits of food in the water as it heated. Plague is adaptive and will use whatever foods they find in their stews, so again, recipes are local, but a wide variety of meats are the most common. Bordering Wind, Plague also imports a very high amount of spices. Their region lacks the widespread farming arrays that would enable it to make spices on a large scale, and many from the flight love the extra kick spices give to their food. Ice food is hearty, with a solid serving of both meats and vegetables, sourced locally. Their distance from the rest of the world means that their food has remained the most traditional and locally-sourced of Flight cuisine, virtually unchanged for hundreds - if not thousands - of years. Most dishes use some sort of meat, typically deer, caribou, or rabbit. With a large population of Tundras, they also grow all manner of vegetables. Many in the Ice flight like to make use of all parts of a carcass, not just the meat. Tools, including utensils, are carved from bones. Hides are used as clothing and shelter. Organs may also be eaten - most of Ice's more 'out there' dishes involve some sort of strange organ, like a deer stomach that's been cleaned out and filled with a variety of seasonal fruits and vegetables. Nature food is also filled with both meat and plants, though has a much higher percentage of fruit-based dishes. Many foods utilize some sort of complimentary fruit, either as a side or as additional flavoring to the primary ingredient. As most inhabitants are the voraciously meat-consuming Wildclaws, their dishes tend to have a high amount of meat, and are cooked and flavored accordingly. Nature dragons like to slow-roast their food, cooking it until the meat's tender enough to rip apart with a fork and practically falls apart in your mouth. I like to think that Nature also is a big fan of sour and savory flavors - many of their dishes utilize things like lemons, limes, and pineapples. Light food isn't the tastiest, but it sure is the flashiest. Of the Flights, Light food is the showiest, and its bakers are exceptionally skilled in the art of making their dishes look the best. Light dragons have a propensity for large-scale feasts and celebrations. They bake insanely huge, mastercrafted cakes, and host banquets filled with exotic dishes from all around the world. Original Light cuisine is heavy on grains and dairy, creating all manner of beautifully knotted breads and succulent cheeses and butters. It also imports the most amount of ingredients and recipes; while it's hard to find a non-Light ethnic dish in Light that's as good as the originals back home, it's typically nothing to shake a stick at. Finally, we have Water. Water - what a shocker - really really likes seafood. As many spices and foods can't be transported properly underwater, they're quite uncommon, found only along the coastline and in the homes of those with the resources to magically ensure that their imports don't get ruined on the way down. They like fresh, raw fish, and probably also create something very much like sushi. They can't roast anything underwater, so they boil it all instead. Cuisine on the few over-land parts of the territory is heavily influenced by its neighbors, Lightning, Light, and Fire, and is just as varied.

[kariachi]

Grey Sea Body Plans

We’ve already got the basic body plans for the phyla we’ll be following in the Red Sea, which means the Grey Sea is up next. This one is going to be interesting, since as noted before this is the population with the powers. This means we’re going to have a lot of differences spearheaded by the changes these powers bring.

Again, each of our body plans is going to have to grant methods for the creatures to feed, reproduce, and defend themselves. But

But.

We see in the episode Escape From Aggregor that he, and by extension his species, can convert fleshy organic matter into energy- specifically, it seems, fats and muscle. It seems reasonable to assume this ability evolved alongside ‘predation’, given that until that point the species on the planet were consuming energy straight from the source. It also seems reasonable that they would be able to do this within their own bodies. This would mean that species with this power would be able to convert excess energy into fat, then convert that fat directly back into energy. Probably this is some form of energy manipulation, making it one of the magics inherit to those of the Grey Sea.

What this boils down to, is that while these ‘predatory’ species will likely need to consume at least some of what they can’t absorb as energy in order to gain amino acids and the like- at least for now- they aren’t likely to need to worry about breaking fats and sugars down into energy the way we do. Meaning they wouldn’t need the processes we use.

Lampicytes don’t breathe, y’all. They don’t need gases to burn to break down sugars and fats.

I’ve been dying over this for like, six hours at writing. We don’t need to worry about respiration.

We still need to worry about the other shit though, so I guess I oughta get on it.

Radial Symmetry

As with the Red Sea, we’re gonna start from here. Do a few up.

We’ll do another sessile one first. Second verse, same as the first, we gotta figure out how a critter that don’t move eats. I’m thinking for this one we’re going to go with many- let’s say ten- long, thin tendrils sticking up into the water column, to catch plankton and other small critters. The main body will be very small and low to the ground, while these tendrils will have a sort’ve, tacky outer layer that passing critters and detritus get stuck to. Energy from the living critters is absorbed, before their remains and the detritus are digested externally.

Reproduction, like before, will be broadcast spawning. For now, for these guys, we’ll hake them hermaphroditic, with both sperm and eggs being produced by each individual with no sexual differentiation. They’ll release large numbers of gametes (reproductive cells) which will become many, many young, which will live as zooplankton until such point as they grow old enough to settle to the sea floor and become adults.

Defense, I actually want to go passive with these guys. I’m thinking simple regeneration, fueled by their efficient energy production and digestion. We’ll say that they keep their small main bodies buried, with only their tendrils and reproductive opening exposed. Since only their feeding apparatus are truly in danger, and they can regenerate, they should do just fine.

We’ll call these guys polybrachids. ‘Many arms’.

And the polybrachids are awesome, love messing with that plant/animal divide a bit with their shape, but there’s another brand of critter I’ve had on the brain.

Our second species with radial symmetry for this sea is going to, for now, be dedicated to those masses of manacytes growing around vents and in shallow water and other places they’re easy to get to. Those fuckers are, at this point, growing together into mats and simple ‘plants’ of a sort, on which our latest and greatest will graze. To do this most efficiently, they’re going to be flat and round, almost like a sea dollar. This will make for the most surface area to lay over these manacytes, ensuring maximum energy absorption. Add in a little mouth at the center with which to eat any dead bits it comes across as it makes it’s way around the magi-plants, and this will quickly become one of the most successful lampicytes.

Defensewise, I’m thinking another armored critter. When we get to the bilaterals, armor will be... iffy. After all the primary form of consumption in the Grey Sea requires exposed skin, so especially for the more highly motile animals any bit of armor runs the risk of making them less efficient at survival. It’s something they’ll have to find a balance for as they evolve. But these critters right here aren’t highly motile. They move, but they’re slow grazers of the manacytes, not hunters of any sort. So, as long as they can maintain enough contact with the manacytes, which will be along their bellies, armor shouldn’t cause them any issue. So we’re going to give them an armored disc along their backs, maybe iron sulfide again, since we already established it as an option and they are, at this point, going to be most common around thermal vents.

For reproduction, I think we’re going to cut out the middle man. They, at this point, reproduce through self-fertilization, laying batches of eggs just out of the range of the manacytes. Like everything else alive in the Grey Sea, these eggs will give off a glow (it’s just a very bright body of water, gonna be a very bright planet), but that won’t really matter much. The young will hatch and feed on each other until the largest and healthiest are big enough to grow their shells and join the adults on the manacytes.

They shall be our scuvaccids, or ‘shield cows’.

Bilateral Symmetry

It is time. for. the swimmy bois! Or crawly bois. Or whatever sort’ve forward movement we’re working with here.

We’re going with two babes again (sorry, I know I said I’d try for three, but, let a bitch live, biospheres are big and the growth will be exponential), starting with another segmented little buddy. Or well, big buddy.

Is gotta sorta be a wormy boi, a soft-bodied, segmented, flat, long critter with two flat, horizontal fins on each segment. Say nine segments to start with. This isn’t the most efficient use of the fins, even if this is just a basic ‘what I learned in kindergarten is-’ stage of evolution, but mobile fins of this type will allow it to grab a hold of prey, keeping it from running off while it’s being eaten. Hunting will be managed primarily via a sense tied intrinsically to their powers.

Since they feed directly off energy, the most important form of perception they have is the ability to sense it. This allows them to track all sources of energy around them, and is a sense shared with all over creatures native to the Grey Sea. The ability to sense light by the energy it gives off has, so far, meant there’s been no real need to evolve photo-receptors, nor the eyes that evolve from them. This may change in future, but as of now hearing is the dominant non-Grey Sea-exclusive sense.

Sensory organs dedicated to hearing and energy sensing are clustered at the front of the body, where the mouth is. They call to attract mates and basically play a game of Marco Polo with them to get laid. They have male/female divide, and lay clusters of eggs that are fertilized externally. They’re also the first listed species on Osmos V to tend to their young, or at least their eggs, carrying them with their backmost fins until they hatch.

Speed is their best defense, alongside their sense of hearing, and will remain as such for now.

These ones we’ll call oophera, ‘egg bearer’.

Our second bilateral critter is going to do a lot of the same things, at least as far as mating goes, without the whole ‘tending to eggs thing. They’re just going to leave their young in shallow nest and move on, letting their young become standard zooplankton on hatching. Otherwise, we’re going to do some interesting things here.

We’ll make these guys omnivores, of a sort. They’ll be broad and flexible, capable of settling over or against pretty much anything for the sake of absorbing them. Consisting of about ten segments with motile bristles lining the belly for maneuvering, they’ll swim with an undulating motion, which won’t be very good for speed but they won’t really need to worry about it. Unlike the oophera their sensory organs will be more evenly distributed, though most will still be towards the front of the body. The front will also contain the mouth, shocker I know, while the back will have the reproductive opening.

Defense, on the other hand, is going to be a bit interesting. So far a lot has been heavily tied to energy absorption and a degree of manipulation, but these guys are going to take a new step forward. Their primary defenses will be tied to hearing, energy sensing, and a new ability to extend their absorption and manipulation powers to water. This is risky, as there’s always the chance of being dispersed to the extent you can’t rejoin together, but when it works it guarantees safety from a pursing predator, turning into water before they can get you.

This will mark the first absorption of matter by an Osmosian species, something that certainly won’t stay exclusive. To mark this, they’ll be called dominulimpas, ‘water master’.

This means we’ve got the base from which we’ll be building all of the creatures we’ll cover here, from both seas.

Should be something.

[25000yearcycle]

Unmasking the Surgical Mask

Unmasking the Surgical Mask: Does It Really Work?   

by  Crystal  Phend,                    Senior Staff Writer, MedPage Today             October 5, 2009         

For a century, the surgical mask has been the symbol of a safe and sanitary medical environment. The problem: researchers don't really know if that's true.

With the H1N1 influenza pandemic spreading every day, experts are still debating what type of mask to wear and how much protection that mask truly provides, particularly for those at the front lines of transmission  --  healthcare workers.

Major health agencies, including the World Health Organization, the CDC, and others, have offered confusing and sometimes contradictory guidelines.

Moreover, those guidelines differ for healthcare workers and ordinary citizens worried about the spread of H1N1. Even among healthcare professionals, there are different guidelines for medical wards and operating rooms.

Still, most healthcare professionals have concluded that, at the very worst, a mask can't hurt, even if it may provide a false sense of safety.

The notion of covering the nose and mouth for infection control actually dates back more than a century to the period when German physician Carl Flügge discovered that exhaled droplets could transmit tuberculosis.

The modern surgical mask, successor to the crude gauze strips those early doctors and nurses employed, is still primarily designed to prevent the passage of relatively large particles, such as sputum droplets and hair.

A high tech version  --  the so-called N95 respirator  --  seals tightly around mouth and nose and is made of material certified to block 95% of particles 0.3 μm or larger in diameter, roughly the size of a single virus. There's something resembling agreement that, worn properly, these do their job.

Conflicting Guidelines

CDC recommends surgical masks as part of the overall arsenal deployed against seasonal flu, but along with the Institute of Medicine, CDC has recommended only N95 respirators for protection against H1N1  --  in part, because animal studies suggest airborne transmission of the virus via small particles.

Not so for the World Health Organization or the Society for Healthcare Epidemiology of America, the Infectious Diseases Society of America, the Association for Professionals in Infection Control and Epidemiology, and the American College of Occupational and Environmental Medicine.

They collectively recommended regular surgical masks except in high risk circumstances, such as during open suctioning of airway secretions and other procedures that could "aerosolize" the H1N1 virus.

There's a good reason for this lack of consensus: a dearth of quality evidence in a scientific arena dominated by anecdote and laboratory experiment.

"Some of these practices that have been in place for decades haven't been subjected to the same strenuous investigation that, for instance, a new medicine might be subjected to," Mark Rupp, MD, president of the Society for Healthcare Epidemiology of America, told MedPage Today.

Masks, he noted, "are fairly innocuous, relatively cheap, and so people are not really very interested in going through the extensive investigation that would be required."

Conflicting Evidence

In the past two weeks, researchers have released results from the first two randomized clinical trials investigating efficacy of masks and respirators in protecting healthcare workers from respiratory infection.

Did they settle the issue?

Hardly. In fact, their conflicting results simply added fuel to the debate, according to CDC's Arjun Srinivasan, MD.

The first reports came in August, during IOM deliberations over standards for healthcare workers' personal protective equipment, when C. Raina MacIntyre, MBBS, PhD, of the University of New South Wales in Sydney, Australia, presented preliminary results of her randomized clinical trial.

That study involved nearly 2,000 emergency and respiratory ward nurses and physicians in Beijing who were cluster-randomized to wear surgical masks, fit-tested N95 respirators, or non-fit tested N95 respirators during all work hours for four consecutive weeks during the cold and flu season.

Having been through the SARS scare in 2003, the Chinese are regarded as very serious about mask use in the hospital and outside.

At the Interscience Conference on Antimicrobial Agents and Chemotherapy in September, MacIntyre presented the dramatic results: Consistent use of N95 respirators prevented 75% of respiratory infections, while consistent surgical mask use was no better than low use for prevention of clinical respiratory illness (6.7% versus 9.2%, P=0.159) or of influenza-like illness (0.6% versus 1.3%, P=0.336).

The case against old-fashioned surgical masks seemed clear.

"To me it would not seem justifiable to ask healthcare workers to wear surgical masks," MacIntyre said in an interview.

Then another shocker. A second head-to-head study appeared, this time in the Journal of the American Medical Association. It's conclusion: surgical masks were just as good as N95 respirators.

The 478 emergency department, medical unit, and pediatric nurses in this Canadian study who were randomized to use a surgical mask when providing care to patients with febrile respiratory illness during the flu season caught seasonal flu at about the same rate as those who wore fit-tested, N95 respirators (23.6% versus 22.9%, P=0.86).

For H1N1 influenza, surgical masks again met noninferiority criteria versus the N95 respirator (8.0% versus 11.9%, P=0.18).

Design may have accounted for the discrepancy between the trials, at least in part, suggested Srinivasan, who co-authored an editorial accompanying the JAMA study with an IOM committee member colleague.

"These types of studies are very difficult to do," he told MedPage Today.

The driving factor in effectiveness is how frequently and intensely the wearer is exposed to infection, he said. So one possibility is that masks may have been enough for Canadian nurses in generally lower risk settings, but not for the high-risk Chinese healthcare workers.

In Surgery: Masks Unmasked

Lack of evidence has also plagued surgical masks in their traditional setting, and where their use is still nearly universal: the operating room.

But not for lack of study.

In fact, three large, randomized controlled trials were conducted in the 1980s to determine once and for all if surgical masks actually did prevent surgical wound infection.

Here, where bacteria were the major concern in wound infection, the enemy targets were larger and might not require the fine filtration necessary to keep a respiratory virus away, researchers theorized.

But the trials "showed absolutely no efficacy" for that original purpose, MacIntyre noted.

"Really, the surgeon might as well wear nothing on their face," she said.

Still, the CDC recommends a mask in the operating room, citing long-standing tradition and the benefits of protecting nose and mouth from splashes of blood and other bodily fluids.

MacIntyre noted that a face shield is a better option against splashes because surgeons have to wear eye protection with a mask anyway.

But mask wearing "is so inculcated into the practice of medicine that it's going to be very hard to change," said John G. Bartlett, MD, former chief of infectious diseases at Johns Hopkins.

Tradition and aesthetics play a role in the issue. Patients would not accept a surgeon who doesn't wear a mask because they are so ingrained as a symbol of a safe surgical environment, Bartlett said.

And since the masks are fairly inexpensive and easy to wear, it hasn't been worth challenging the status quo, he declared.

Nor are there likely to be more studies to decide the issue one way or the other, added Rupp. "Those studies are difficult to do because the percentage of patients who develop a surgical site infection is very, very low. So the impact of wearing a surgical mask is difficult to demonstrate," he said.

Masks for the Masses

Unlike the operating room, where it would be impossible to stop people from wearing masks, there are few places outside the hospital where it hasn't been hard to persuade people to put them on.

One of the exceptions is Asia, which has developed has a strong culture of mask use, both in medical settings and in public venues, largely as a result of the SARS epidemic in 2003, Bartlett said.

"Those people did whatever they could to try to prevent SARS," he recalled. "If it turned out that the H1N1 virus became more virulent and started to be a really serious disease, then people would be much more fastidious about how they used the disease prevention tools."

The CDC recommends that people who are ill with suspected or confirmed H1N1 flu wear face masks when at home around family members, in healthcare settings, at school until they can be taken home, and when it's necessary for them to be out and about.

However, the only high-level evidence for efficacy of masks in the community was a trial from Hong Kong -- published online last month in the Annals of Internal Medicine  --  involving flu patients who were randomized to hand hygiene alone or in combination with surgical masks.

Compared with controls, employing hand hygiene alone or with face masks tended to reduce transmission of the flu to those living in the same house, but not significantly so.

However, when these interventions were initiated within 36 hours of symptom onset, face masks plus hand hygiene reduced risk of transmission by a very significant 67%.

Although the entire benefit can't be attributed to face masks, the results suggest masks may make a difference, MacIntyre said.

Because exposure to pathogens is typically much lower for the general public than for healthcare workers, "surgical masks may be enough in the community," she said.

Rupp agreed, saying he takes a "better safe than sorry" approach. His medical center asks patients with potentially droplet-mediated infections to put on a surgical mask.

"There probably isn't a whole lot of extensive study on the use of this in clinical situation," Rupp said. "We do think it's a pretty obvious way somebody can go about containing their secretions."

N95 masks would likely provide even more protection, MacIntyre said, but there's is fairly clear consensus that they would be intolerable for someone with a respiratory illness.

"They are relatively difficult to breath through; they can be associated also with feelings of claustrophobia and kind of a suffocating sensation," Rupp added. "It's difficult enough to get them to wear a loose fitting and relatively comfortable surgical mask."

Practical Masking

Practical issues such as compliance and supply have been part of the argument for use of surgical masks rather than N95 respirators in most clinical settings.

In a New England Journal of Medicine perspective piece last week, several IOM committee members acknowledged that N95 respirators are currently in short supply.

They suggested that healthcare institutions place priority on N95 respirators in the highest-risk areas, "such as enclosed spaces in the respiratory care unit, patients' rooms, and ambulances."

While the IOM was instructed to not take these issues into consideration in its guidelines, a CDC spokesperson said that agency is making them a large factor in revision of its interim guidelines for healthcare worker respiratory protection.

In the end, however, infectious disease specialists always come back to the bigger picture.

Debate over the role of respiratory protection in preventing influenza transmission doesn't "excuse anyone from failing to implement other measures that are known to protect patients and healthcare professionals from influenza," Srinivasan's JAMA editorial concluded.

"Masks and respirators should be considered the 'last line of defense' in a hierarchy of infection control measures."

Handwashing, good etiquette when sneezing and coughing, and staying home when sick are still the keys to preventing spread of infectious disease, it said.

[cupofsorrows]

A Conceptual Post About Pokémon as D&D Monsters

I know, I know, it’s been done before, but I’ve been having a lot of ideas about D&D lately and it occurred to me that it might be fun to try to adapt Pokemon to the standard dnd setting(s) - that is, not just copying them wholesale as in, “you open the dungeon door and see a pikachu” but taking the concept of the creature and placing it in your world as something that genuinely belonged there. Like, say, You confront your party with a large turtle-monster that sprays high-powered water jets as its primary mode of attack. It’s essentially a blastoise, but that isn’t what it’s called and it doesn’t necessarily have to follow the rules that an actual blastoise would in the pokemon games. I’ve seen pokemon stat block writeups before, but they’re usually pretty straightforward “this is a psyduck” type deals, and what I’m interested in is retooling the monster to fit in a different world (while keeping the core of it intact). What’s it called (if it has a different name)? Where does it come from in your world, and where does it live? If the original had evolutions, does this version? Lots of potential there. To that end, here are a few pokemon that I think have particularly interesting concepts:

Phantump: Honestly all of the ghost pokemon have interesting concepts but I didn’t want to have a disproportionate number of ghost-types so I chose this one. Core concept is a furtive little forest spirit that uses old tree stumps (or perhaps fallen logs) as surrogate bodies/protective shells. Canon lore says they’re supposedly the spirits of children who died in the forest, so take or leave that as you please. Now, none of these suggestions have to look exactly like their inspirations as long as they convey the idea - for instance I sort of imagine these guys as little humanoid figures made of gnarled wood, which also gives me distinct skull-kid-from-LoZ vibes (but maybe that should be a separate post...)

Heliolisk: I don’t really know what drew me to this critter in particular, except that ‘solar-powered lizard that can shoot electricity and stuff’ is just a good creature to put in a made-up world (probably in a desert region). It even has “-lisk” in its name, like the more infamous basilisk, so it already sounds like it SHOULD be a mythical creature. As I’m writing this I realize that it strongly resembles the already-in-dnd shocker lizard, but come on, this thing is way more badass. Also I was just reading about it on Bulbapedia and apparently it can run super-fast? so... that’s in there, too.

Snorlax or Slaking: Look I just like the concept of a big hairy beast that’s super strong but spends almost all of its time asleep. Not even sure that would affect its stats but it’s great flavor.

Zygarde: A host of tiny organisms - maybe even single-celled - which can come together to form larger gestalt creatures (most famously a massive serpent/worm, but even more powerful forms may be possible). Should be a very powerful, possibly unique, individual, since it is a legendary pokemon.

Dhelmise: Sentient algae that uses marine detritus as a ‘skeleton’? The ghost type delivers again! I imagine that before humans were responsible for so much stuff being in the ocean these must have used a lot of animal bones (and maybe some driftwood) instead.

Seismitoad: I think there are already frog monsters with sonic attacks, but that was only half of the appeal for me here, the other half being ‘large bipedal frog’. I hold this as being very different from bullywugs, grippli, or any other amphibian-based humanoids: While froglike, those are all still fundamentally types of people, whereas this beast is first and foremost a frog. A frog that walks upright and has opposable thumbs. This also works with poliwhirl/poliwrath and croagunk/toxicroak, but then the sonic/vibration stuff won this one out for me by a slim margin. (Addendum: I have come to the realization that seismitoad and croagunk don’t actually have opposable thumbs according to their artwork. Whatever, just fudge it.)

Tropius: This one’s just plain weird. Like, almost exeggcutor-level weird (dang, maybe I should have chosen exeggcutor instead. But tropius is less famously weird. Side note: what’s up with pokemon based on palmlike plants?) It’s part small sauropod dinosaur, part banana tree, and while I’m not sure whether it should be classified as a plant or not, I do know that it can definitely fly. Also, it produces delicious fruit you can eat!

Parasect: You probably figured I was going to mention this one. Everyone thinks of paras and parasect when they think of pokemon with weird but cool concepts. MY take is that the fungus could infest different types of giant vermin, perhaps making it the basis for a template. Or not; these are just suggestions. Do whatever.

Larvesta and Volcarona: Maybe I’m just on a kick from all the GKOTM fanart I’ve been seeing, but giant fire-spitting caterpillar + giant fiery moth adult seems like a creature idea worth exploring. Larvesta also takes longer to evolve than any other stage-one pokemon, which I see as representing a long time spent in larval form (or pupated), which in turn resembles kaiju’s long periods of ‘dormancy’, bringing us back to Mothra (as all things must). Also, I think larvesta/volcarona are the only bug/fire types in the whole series so far? That’s nuts to me but it just makes them even more special.

Abra: Honestly the way this guy looks is like 90% of the appeal for me here. Abra looks like an armadillo tried to evolve into a monkey and somehow ended up with psychic powers in the process. It levitates and teleports, and according to the lore it’s usually asleep but thanks to its psychic powers is still aware of its surroundings. That’s right, its eyes aren’t really narrow, they’re just closed all the time. Do any images of abra with its eyes open exist? If they do, are we prepared to see them? As always, don’t feel like you have to give any of these guys evolved forms just because they evolve in the games. I’m definitely not saying this here specifically because I like abra’s design more than its evolutions, no sir.

Pinsir or Heracross: Pretty much the same as with the toads a few entries above. Clearly not people, but just vaguely reminiscent enough to maybe be just a little unsettling. C’mon, I know they’re cute in the games and the show but tell me you wouldn’t be at least slightly perturbed if you saw a real-life beetle the size of a 10-year-old trundling around on two legs. Even if you thought it was rad as hell you’d still get out of there pretty quick if it started trundling towards you.

Slowpoke: Listen if you don’t get the appeal of a semi-aquatic, ambiguously mammalian quadruped that has psychic capabilities but is also comically oblivious to external stimuli then I just don’t know what to tell you.

Barbaracle: Colonial organism sort of like Zygarde, except the individual parts are bigger. It could even be modular, with the various ‘limbs’ combining in different ways, although that could also complicate the stat block.

Gothitelle: Conceptually I suppose this is just another humanoid psychic creature, but a while ago I saw someone point out how its frills and whatnot are sort of reminiscent of a sea slug, and damned if ‘anthropomorphic nudibranch’ doesn’t get my blood flowing.

Rapidash: Pretty simple, a unicorn variant/non-evil fire horse. Who wouldn’t want one of those?

Necrozma: I never actually played Sun and Moon 2, nor did I get too deep into the postgame ultra beast stuff in SuMo 1, so regrettably I missed out on a lot of the wonderful interdimensional weirdness. While each ultra beast is appealing in its own way, Necrozma is practically a Lovecraftian Great Old One already what with how it was once an interstellar being of heat and light but was somehow injured or depleted and has now become a completely different creature that travels from world to world absorbing all light. That’s a pretty raw concept for any story, let alone a cute kid’s game. And it’s always a plus when something can be cool and threatening while still being safe for a G rating! You could also do what SuMo2 did and take your heroes to a world that’s already had its light stolen by the beast, to explore how the inhabitants of that world have been affected as well as show what awaits the heroes’ world... or just as a nice change of scenery. Lastly there’s the possibility that Necrozma must ultimately be defeated not through violence, but by figuring out how to restore it to its original form. It isn’t too often that the cosmic monstrosity could actually use your help, and it might leave the PCs feeling like they really accomplished something epic. Alternately, it returning to its original form also makes a great homage to the multiple forms of every JRPG final boss ever, a trope that has been under-represented in D&D for TOO LONG.

...and that’s it, at least for now. Naturally, there are about a thousand other possibilities, including different ways of interpreting the examples I’ve provided here. I suppose they could also be used for purposes besides D&D, although if you’re going to put any of this in the fantasy novel you’ve been working on I suggest you be extra diligent in obfuscating the creatures’ actual origins so as to avoid a visit from any lawyers. I don’t know if anybody is actually even going to see this post at all, but if it does end up getting around, then I fully encourage all of you to put your own spins on this if you’re inspired to do so! I’d love to see what other people might come up with.

[gemini-in-tauro]

My favourite anime in a nutshell

Aoi Tori no Shinwa: Sick Shun and Seiya play baseball (with neither protection nor care for gravity laws) against this Baseball Prodigy(TM) and then against his evil younger brother, going against Sick Shun’s dad’s wishes until Sick Shun dies bc He Was Sick.

Aoi Hana: Hahahaha, lots of lesbo-drama, the heteros have healthy relationships.

Amnesia: Spades + Hearts + Clover + Diamonds + The Joker; you’ll eventually get it.

Card Captor Sakura: A magical girl finds a magical book, and instead of asking her dad questions about this weird stuffed doll that can fly without batteries, she collects the cards he’s supposedly guarding for this irresponsible Anglo-Chinese mage who died long ago (unless he didn’t).

Free!: Would you join the Swim Club? + Gay swimmers’ drama (note: don’t watch 50%Off! before the anime, it might change the way you view the characters)

Hetalia: A Worldwide Joke(TM) (the fandom is way more serious than the anime, really).

Kuroko’s Basket: This talentless guy is part of an NBA-level middle school basketball team, but everuthing changed when Bokushi attacked. “If you want to be my light, you have to defeat my 5 evil ex-boyfriends.”

Kuroshitsuji: A goth kid solves mysteries alongside his demon butler throughout Victorian England. Wait until you read the mang—idols? Cults? Zombies?

Kuroshitsuji II: The Yaoi Version of Kuroshitsuji. No really, it kind of is.

Makai Ouji: [a.k.a. Salomon’s demoniac harem] The Holy Bible, but gay.

Otoboku: Ouran Host Club but genderbended.

Pandora Hearts: [can be read as: “Paindora Hurts”] Demons called chains + 100 years reincarnation cycle + Title doesn’t makes sense unless you read the Pilot Oneshot + Bunch of references to Alice in Wonderland + Everything is a lie.

Saint Seiya: Bunch of mythologies + Reincarnation + Bad naming + We’re sorry but your princess is in another castle.

Tokyo Babylon: This 25 y/o shady man does shady things and his underage bf gets surprised when he turns out to be an emo(tionless) assasin.

Tsubasa Chronicle: Major CLAMP Crossover. Like every non-maho shoujo CLAMP draws, it doesn’t have a happy ending. Very big mess, confusing af. Oedipus complex.

Vanitas no Shuki/Carte: No, this is not Pandora Hearts 2.0, it’s about vampires and a “doctor for vampires” called Vanitas, like this one infamous vampire. Everything is fun n’ games until it isn’t.

X/1999: Seishit 2.0 and Subaru 2.0 turn out to be destiny’s (a.k.a. CLAMP’s) chewtoys and they must battle against eachother for the end of the world, alongside 6 other people for each team. The dreamseer who was helping Subaru 2.0 turns out to be evil, what a shocker.

[sambart93]

2018.02.06 Ookiku Furi Kabutte [Review!]

I was super excited for this! It’s got JP, I haven’t really seen Ino properly act in the flesh (shhh I did see him in Touken but... as something ELSE I haven’t seen him act in the flesh), and Nishime is the CUTEST and of course I like to support Naya whenever I can! So many amazing people in this cast! AND it’s about baseball; I enjoy baseball!

Official Website here Official Twitter here Press Coverage 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 Video Coverage 1, 2, 3

CAST and CHARACTERS

NISHIURA HIGH SCHOOL Nishime Shun as Mihashi Ren Ino Hiroki as Abe Takaya Shiramata Atsushi as Hanai Azusa Naya Takeru as Tajima Yuichiro Yasukawa Junpei as Izumi Kousuke Kusumi Koharu as Momoe Maria Tsutsui Shunsaku as Shiga Tsuyoshi

Takehana Yuta as Sakaeguchi Yuto Yumoto Kenichi as Mizutani Fumiki Kamei Kenji as Nishihiro Shintaro Sekine Shota as Oki Kazutoshi Motoki Ryo as Suyama Shouji Sawada Miki as Shinooka Chiyo

TOSEI HIGH SCHOOL Kanai Sonde as Takase Junta Kato Junichi as Kawai Kazuki Matsumoto Yuichi as Shimazaki Shingo

MUSASHINO HIGH SCHOOL Hirata Yuya as Haruna Motoki Kawasumi Bishin as Akimaru Kyouhei Shimano Tomoya as Kaguyama Naoto

MIHOSHI HIGH SCHOOL Ishiwatari Mashu as Kanou Shuugo Kaide Kousuke as Oda Hiroyuki Yoshida Eisei as Hatake Atsushi

*

NON-SPOILER REVIEW Overall: I thoroughly enjoyed this! I had a lot of fun watching the baseball matches and my favourite part was definitely during the Training Camp! I really, really enjoyed Ino's character and I was getting such romance vibes from him that now, I'd quite like to see him do some sort of romance movie or role soon! I love how huggy he was with everyone ^_^ Also, it was great seeing Nishime get center stage; I haven't seen him act since last year's Satomi Hakkenden (review here). Naya was DEFINITELY the MVP of this entire stage! He was so entertaining and such much fun! I absolutely loved seeing him do such a comedic role ♡ I definitely weeped at this one towards the end because I got so attached to all the characters and I really do hope we see a continuation of this in the near future (within the next year or so please!). This was fun, some drama, some emotional parts, the games were done in an interesting way, the character development and relationships were great! The opening and closing dance was great too! If you’re a baseball, sports-anime, stage fan then I think you’re going to enjoy this quite a bit. OH and I forgot to mention the best part; their crotches and butts are tightly shown in those baseball pants o_O So enjoy xD  Rating: 8/10 << I think this would've gotten a higher rating if SOMEONE hadn't been snoring for at least half of the play and it super distracted me and took me out of the stage and story for a good 20 or so minutes.

*

SPOILER REVIEW

I don't know how many of you are interested in the story but I'll give the BASIC STORY:

Mihashi has recently moved/started at Nishiura high school. Even though he refuses to play due to past trauma and experiences at his previous school, he still gets roped into joining the baseball club because he is somewhat of a well known name. So we follow Mihashi get over his trauma and learning to trust his new friends as well as face his fears and get back into baseball.

That really is the bare basic plot of this stage. To be honest, I just want to flail over so many parts of this play so lets get to that okay? OKAY!

I have so many feels about Ookiku!! I enjoyed this stage so much! I cried! I laughed! It was so good!! 

First things first, the opening and end dances were so good! I thoroughly enjoyed them. But unfortuntately for Ino, he was stood right next to Naya! xD Ino looked like such a bad dancer being stood next to Naya who's dancing was and is just amazing. 

One scene that really stood out to me what the Training Camp scene. I really, really enjoyed this scene so much and was a lot of fun!

There were a lot of cute moments of Naya and Ino Hugging; Ino and JP hugging; and Naya and JP hugging. I just ate it all up. I loved seeing these little moments that weren't exactly the center of the scene or the story but they were there and they were a lot of fun to witness and see! ^_^

Now for some character/actor break downs:

I have to mention Nishime first because he's the lead actor. I feel like Nishime’s character in this was similar to his character in Ghost or at least reminded me of that character. I think Nishime did such a good job and I really want to see him get more work! I’ve enjoyed both of the stage plays I’ve seen him in (the other was Satomi Hakkenden: review here), and I want to see him continue stage acting and see his progress and see him getting better!  

Next we have Ino! I loved angry Ino in this and I could definitely see the similarities between this character and Imaizumi (who he'll start playing in the next Yowamushi Pedal stage). His character in this is part fun, part angry but he's a whole lot of 'caring for his friends'. But also, for some reason throughout this stage I got major feelings of just wanting to see Ino do a romantic role I think he’d be the cutest! 

Even though he’s clearly a little shit! Which leads me to my next point about him! Ino is a little shit when people say their lines wrong xD There was a scene where the teacher kept messing up all his lines and Ino just stood up (it was in the middle of a meeting and the students were all sat down) and was really calling and drawing attention to it like 'what? What was that? WHAT DID YOU SAY? Just say that again' xD it was so funny that the audience were too busy laughing and clapping to Ino's reactions and reponses while the poor actor tried to continue the scene. It was hilarious! 

Now moving onto some others, but very quickly in comparison to the four guys I focused on (JP, Naya, Nishime, Ino):

I was surprised to see that Masshu played on the other schools' teams. In fact, all of the non-Nishiura actors essentially played as all the other schools! So it was interesting seeing Masshu play different characters with slightly different personalities. But he also had his main moment as Nishime's ex-team mate and trying to fix the problem between Nishime and Hatake.

Another shocker and surprising thing was how quickly I ended up really liking Junta! Pretty much straight after his school starts against Nishiura I started liking him and he end up being a baseball pitcher. I can't explain why I liked him so much but I just did.

An even small quick note is that Bishin's body is tiny!! Seriously, so tiny!

There was one character in Nishiura who was always nervous and didn't have much confidence and he tended to hug Ino a lot which was really cute. I think it was Sakaeguchi.

Oooohhh! Going back to Nishime and Ino for a moment! There was a really cute scene during their first match where Nishime gets scared and hides away just before matches starts because it's been so long since he's been a pitcher. Ino finds him and sits down next to him and tells him that everything is going to be okay and stuff, and all of a sudden there is this 'daisuke / I like you moment' and they hug and it becomes really bromance and -- I SHIP IT! It was a really good moment.

OOOHH Which leads me to an even juicer scene! Between Junta and Ino! Because they are opposing teams, they obviously have some rivalry going on, and Junta and Ino get WAY too close, and because of the helmet on Ino's head and with Ino facing away from the audience, it totally looked like they were kissing! I am not joking you but at this time, most of the audience SQUEALED at that one tiny part because of how MAJORLY it looked like they were kissing. Hey again... I SHIP IT! I hope this scene makes it onto the dvd -- I heard from a friend who also watched it that they didn't do that during the performance she saw! WAAAH?! Good thinking Ino << I bet it was him.

Also, SO MUCH Ino crotch in this! He’s a pitcher so obviously his has to have his legs wide apart so balance and catching the ball etc. and he faces the audience the entire time so yes.... WIDE CROTCH VIEWS ALL ROUND!

Just in general those Baseball pants are NICE around all their legs, butts and...other things xD

Now lets rave about the MVP who is oh-so-clearly: NAYA TAKERU! NAYA-CHAN! PATCH-KUN! TAKE-CHAN! 

Naya is the MVP of this damn stage! He was so freaking funny in this and caused the most of the audience to focus on and be laughing at him rather than paying attention to what's happening in the scene. He also broke the fourth wall quite a few times during his stupid and silly moments. <<- in fact JP did this too when Naya and he were pretending to play catch with an invisible ball and he pretended it fell of stage and into the audience so he asked a girl in the first row to through it back up to him. In fact, speaking of JP let me quickly mention him some more; unfortunately because of how far back I was and because of damn Naya stealing my attention completely from the very first second, it took me ages to find where JP was! But I did think in the very first few minutes 'oooh that guy in the background is really handsome and has really nice hair -- turns out THAT was JP! No wonder the guy caught my attention >.< it's just meant to be haha ANYWAY BACK TO NAYA!

So many things about Naya's character in this I loved! He was hilarious, he was the center of (what I assumed were) higawaris/daily changes, his dancing was amazing (as expected because he's done hiphop and martial arts all his life), his was just a brilliant character and had so much presence on stage -- but I've always felt this way about Naya I think. AND Naya’s back flip was so cool!!! For some reason, TouStage has yet to incorporate Naya's skills fully (same with Shiina) but one day I hope they do. Also Naya's character spends so much time doing doggy poses that shows he cute little butt off perfectly, so of course I enjoyed that! And also I was impressed he could do those poses! I don't think I'm flexible enough anymore to do them =[ Naya is also what made the Training Camp scene so great! There's a moment where he has to count the numbers up on a board but, because he's a badass, he does two boards at once and it was pretty funny. 

AND, I don't know if it was just me but I really felt like the coach, Maria, and Naya’s character, Tajma, were dating. There were just a lot of little things where I could really see chemistry between them - even though it appears like his character is supposed to be trying to get the new coach trainee's, Chiyo, attention - I seriously felt like maybe Tajima and Maria were secretly dating. I can't explain it but their chemistry was just great in my opinion.

I will definitely be getting Naya’s bromides from this stage if they ever make their way to AGS (Animate: AkibaGirls Station) in the future.

Now onto the finale part of the stage which was the match against Tosei. The very final game scene had me so very nervous! I honestly couldn't tell which route they were going to take and I was legit nervous about the game’s result! I cried at the end too! From the moment I started freaking that they weren't going to win, right up to the final score and celebration, I was crying. In fact, it seemed like quite a lot of people were crying during these moments too!

And, if you don't trust my opinion on this stage for some crazy reason, there were 3 huge rounds of applause during the curtain call!! So, clearly it was great! AND IT WAS!

*

I only have TWO NEGATIVES.

For this stage, they didn't use mics, which doesn't bother me. But, in comparison to how well the male actors voices' traveled, and if someone with lesser hearing ability than me was at the show, the girls were a tad difficult to hear at times. I could hear them all pretty well 99.99% of the time but now and again I did think 'oh if my Japanese wasn't as good as it is' or 'if I was right at the back' or 'if my hearing started to go' I would've had a lot of trouble hearing and understanding them I think.

And the second negative has already been mentioned in the Non-Spoiler section; this ONE MOTHERFUCKER who had the audacity to come to a stage and SLEEP through it. And not only just sleeping, SNORING SO LOUDLY for at least 40% of the play, and a lot of this play has NO background music so the actors could hear it(!), I was legit getting so PISSED OFF and ANGRY at the person. DON'T FUCKING TURN UP IF YOU'RE TIRED! If you DO fall asleep, but you know you're a snorer, for the sake and respect for the fucking actors, please FUCK OFF. I was so surprised no staff came in to ask and escort the person out. If I had been on an AISLE seat, I definitely would've gone out to the staff and asked them to remove the IDIOT! Thanks to them, between the Nishiura vs Mihoshi match and the Training Camp and then the middle of the final game Nishiura vs Tosei, I got really taken out of the story and it took me ages to get back into it again, so this motherfucker really affected my enjoyment of this stage to an extent.

FINAL COMMENT:

I seriously need a continuation of this! GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

* 

GOODS

*

I apologise for how often I mixed/swapped the actor and the character names; I do this all the time and I'm sorry (not sorry but) I hope it's never too confusing to understand.

And we got another one done! I am slowly getting through them! I hope I can get all my backlog reviews done before the craziness that is Dance with Devils and Patarillo performances xD

[dweemeister]

My alternative 90th Academy Awards

So here’s another annual tradition... my alternative Oscars ceremony. This is what this Sunday’s Oscars would look like if I – and I alone – stuffed the ballots and decided on all of the nominations and winners. Non-English language films are accompanied by their nation of origin (in FIFA three-letter code).

90th Academy Awards – March 4, 2018 Dolby Theatre – Hollywood, Los Angeles, California Host: Jimmy Kimmel Broadcaster: ABC

Best Picture: LADY BIRD

The Breadwinner, Anthony Leo, Tomm Moore, Andrew Rosen, and Paul Young (Cartoon Saloon/GKIDS)

Call Me by Your Name, Peter Spears, Luca Guadagnino, Emilie Georges, Rodrigo Teixeira, Marco Morabito, James Ivory, and Howard Rosenman (Sony Pictures Classics)

Coco, Darla K. Anderson (Pixar/Walt Disney)

Dunkirk, Emma Thomas and Christopher Nolan (Warner Bros.)

Faces Places (FRA), Rosalie Varda (Le Pacte/Cohen Media Group)

The Florida Project, Sean Baker, Chris Bergoch, Kevin Chinoy, Andrew Duncan, Alex Saks, Francesca Silvestri, and Shih-Ching Tsou (A24)

Lady Bird, Scott Rudin, Eli Bush, and Evelyn O’Neil (A24)

Phantom Thread, Paul Thomas Anderson, Megan Ellison, JoAnne Sellar, and Daniel Lupi, (Focus/Universal)

The Post, Steven Spielberg, Kristie Macosko Krieger, and Amy Pascal (20th Century Fox)

The Shape of Water, Guillermo del Toro and J. Miles Dale (Fox Searchlight Pictures)

Out of the running in real life are Darkest Hour, Three Billboards, and Get Out. And taking the maximum of ten spots, in their place enter The Breadwinner, Coco, Faces Places, The Florida Project. That’s two animated movies, a documentary, and a neglected critical darling... come at me? I was lukewarm over Darkest Hour, pissed off over Three Billboards, and I honestly don’t think Get Out is as effective a horror movie or a commentary on racial relations that it wants to be.

Lady Bird would be my winner, with Phantom Thread your runner-up and either Faces Places or The Shape of Water as your third spot. For Lady Bird, it would be harder to find a movie with as much empathy as it this calendar year. Maybe not the most technically gifted filmmaking of the nominees, but it accomplishes its conceit with an open ear and an open heart. Bravo.

I noticed that I don’t have time to write on all the Best Picture nominees anymore, like in years past. I only got to Dunkirk and The Post  – both of which are on the outside looking in.

Best Director

Guillermo del Toro, The Shape of Water

Greta Gerwig, Lady Bird

Christopher Nolan, Dunkirk

Dee Rees, Mudbound

Agnès Varda and JR, Faces Places

CONTROVERSY. Dee Rees nominated in Director, but Mudbound isn’t nominated for Picture! In all honesty, I couldn’t find the excuse to nudge Mudbound out for any of the nominees I placed above. But to focus on the positive, del Toro is going to make it three Mexican Best Director winners in the last four years... that is exhilarating. Nolan is my close second choice here, and falters a bit because I didn’t personally enjoy the structure of Dunkirk all that much.

Best Actor

Timothée Chalamet, Call Me by Your Name

Daniel Day-Lewis, Phantom Thread

Daniel Kaluuya, Get Out

Gary Oldman, Darkest Hour

Andy Serkis, War for the Planet of the Apes                               

No CMBYN fans, there will not be any justice for you on my blog either. Because the best performance of the year by an actor of a leading role was done in motion capture... it was Andy Serkis as Caesar in War for the Planet of the Apes. It’s been high time to honor Serkis in what is his best work – aside from his performances as Gollum – to date.

Best Actress

Ahn Seo-hyun, Okja

Sally Hawkins, The Shape of Water

Frances McDormand, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Saoirse Ronan, Lady Bird

Meryl Streep, The Post

The quieter performances aren’t going to win at this year’s Oscars. McDormand’s flashier performance in Three Billboards will overshadow Hawkins’ nuanced, silent performance in SoW. That’s wrong to me, as I think Hawkins does so much physically that is so taxing for any actor that would dare take a role like that. South Korean child actress Ahn Seo-hyun just sneaks in for Okja.

Best Supporting Actor

Willem Dafoe, The Florida Project

Woody Harrelson, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Richard Jenkins, The Shape of Water

Bob Odenkirk, The Post

Christopher Plummer, All the Money in the World

My least favorite acting category this year. So I’ll toss it to Dafoe for The Florida Project... who, on Sunday, is probably going to lose to a flashier performance in Sam Rockwell for Three Billboards (who shouldn’t have been nominated). Plummer and Odenkirk are in a close battle for second.

Best Supporting Actress

Mary J. Blige, Mudbound

Tiffany Haddish, Girls Trip

Allison Janney, I, Tonya

Lesley Manville, Phantom Thread

Laurie Metcalf, Lady Bird

This is Manville v. Metcalf for me. And for playing the deeply layered, deeply conflicted, tough-love mother in Lady Bird, this has to be Metcalf for me. It is ta transcendent supporting actress performance. And yes, I snuck Tiffany Haddish in here... because why not?

Best Adapted Screenplay

James Ivory, Call Me by Your Name

Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber, The Disaster Artist

Scott Frank, James Mangold, and Michael Green, Logan

Dee Rees and Virgil Williams, Mudbound

Aaron Sorkin, Molly’s Game

If I ran the Oscars, the 89-year-old James Ivory wouldn’t have won an Oscar by now either. I hate to type that, but timing is a funny thing! Fate and time are funny things, aren’t they? This category isn’t close. Dee Rees makes history as the first nominated black woman in this category!

Best Original Screenplay

Paul Thomas Anderson, Phantom Thread

Sean Baker and Chris Bergoch, The Florida Project

Greta Gerwig, Lady Bird

Liz Hannah and Josh Singer, The Post

Jordan Peele, Get Out

I’ve already commented how much I think Get Out is more flawed a movie than most believe. This comes down to Anderson and Gerwig for me... and my Best Picture winner, I think, is blessed with the screenplay of the year for capturing a time, a place, and its characters at a certain point in their lives so wonderfully.

Best Animated Feature

The Breadwinner (Cartoon Saloon/GKIDS)

Coco (Pixar/Walt Disney)

The Girl Without Hands, France (Shellac/GKIDS)

Loving Vincent (Next Film/Good Deed Entertainment)

Mary and the Witch’s Flower, Japan (Studio Ponoc/GKIDS)

SHOCKER. For me, I was considering a tie in this category (which has happened six times in Academy Awards history... so I guess I have to save it for once every fifteen ceremonies or something) between Breadwinner (write-up) and Coco (write-up). This would be Cartoon Saloon’s first win in my alternate universe... in that same alternative universe for 2009, The Secret of Kells would’ve lost to Up; for 2014, Song of the Sea would’ve lost to eventual Best Picture winner The Tale of the Princess Kaguya.

Coco fans, don’t despair though. Keep reading... because your movie isn’t going home empty-handed.

I totally disrespected Ferdinand and Boss Baby didn’t I?

Best Documentary Feature

Abacus: Small Enough to Jail (Kartemquin Films/Public Broadcasting Service)

Faces Places, France (Le Pacte/Cohen Media Group)

Jane (National Geographic)

LA92 (National Geographic)

Last Men in Aleppo (Aleppo Media Center/Larm Film/Grasshopper Film)

I don’t think this would be Agnès Varda’s first Oscar in my alternative universe? I’ll get to doing the 1960s someday. :P

Best Foreign Language Film

Faces Places, France

The Insult, Lebanon

Loveless, Russia

Mary and the Witch’s Flower, Japan

The Square, Sweden

Best Cinematography

Roger Deakins, Blade Runner 2049

Janusz Kaminski, The Post

Rachel Morrison, Mudbound

Jonathan Ricquebourg, The Death of Louis XIV (FRA)

Hoyte Van Hoytema, Dunkirk

Morrison makes history by being the first female nominee in this category and as its first winner. Sorry Roger Deakins! You probably would’ve won earlier in my alternative universe anyways.

Best Film Editing

Michael Kahn, The Post

Paul Machliss and Jonathan Amos, Baby Driver

Gregory Plotkin, Get Out

Lee Smith, Dunkirk

Sidney Wolinsky, The Shape of Water

Best Original Musical*

M.M. Keeravani, Baahubali 2: The Conclusion

Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Coco

Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, The Greatest Showman

*NOTE: Best Original Musical – known previously as several other names – exists in the Academy’s rulebooks, but requires activation from the music branch given that there are enough eligible films. To qualify, a film must have no fewer than five original songs. This category was last activated when Prince won for Purple Rain (1984).

You know, this might change some day if I sit down and watch Baahubali 2. I’ve listened to the soundtrack, but I haven’t seen the songs in context. Sorry Indian cinema fans! Coco fans must be getting mighty mad at me for now... but Coco’s musical score – outside of two original songs (“Remember Me” and “Proud Corazón”) and one non-original song (“La Llorana”) – isn’t the best out of context. The Greatest Showman – I think Pasek and Paul are far better lyricists than they are composers (and yes, that’s a problem) – has songs that do very well in and out of context, and takes the win in this category.

Best Original Score

Alexandre Desplat, The Shape of Water

Alexandre Desplat, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Michael Giacchino, War for the Planet of the Apes

John Williams, The Post

John Williams, Star Wars: The Last Jedi

It really comes down to Valerian, Apes, and Jedi. And in this titanic battle over science fiction and space opera, it is Desplat for the much-maligned Valerian taking the Oscar home. The score combines seamlessly enormous orchestral and electronic elements to a degree that I haven’t heard from Desplat yet. It barely edges Williams for The Last Jedi... which benefits from some of Williams’ best action scoring in years and a repackaging of older themes in ways showing off the dexterity of the maestro. Giacchino is third, with Desplat for SoW in fourth, and The Post in fifth. Jonny Greenwood for Phantom Thread is the first man out.

Best Original Song

“Mighty River”, music by Raphael Saadiq; lyrics by Mary J. Blige, Saadiq, and Taura Stinson, Mudbound

“A Million Dreams”, music and lyrics by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, The Greatest Showman

“Mystery of Love”, music and lyrics by Sufjan Stevens, Call Me by Your Name

“Remember Me (Recuérdame)”, music and lyrics by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez, Coco

“This Is Me”, music and lyrics by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, The Greatest Showman

Also proudly the winner of the 2017 Movie Odyssey Award for Best Original Song (some of you know what that means), “Remember Me (Recuérdame)” has everything you want – interesting musicality (even though I still think that descending line, which begins with “For ever if I’m far away / I hold you in my heart” sounds far more like something Randy Newman would compose than something distinctly Mexican) meaningful lyrics, layers of meaning within the movie it comes from, and a life of its own when separated from that movie.

Showstopper “This Is Me” comes a distant second, with the others in a scrum for crumbs. I really like “A Million Dreams”, though. My sister will take me to task over how much I enjoyed The Greatest Showman’s soundtrack (which I enjoyed despite finding it musically uninteresting).

Best Costume Design

Jacqueline Durran, Beauty and the Beast

Jen Wasson, The Beguiled

Nina Avramovic, The Death of Louis XIV

Mark Bridges, Phantom Thread

Luis Sequeira, The Shape of Water

Best Makeup & Hairstyling

Kazuhiro Tsuji, David Malinowski, and Lucy Sibbick, Darkest Hour

John Blake and Camille Friend, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Neal Scanlan and Peter King, Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Thi Thanh Tu Nguyen and Félix Puget, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Arjen Tuiten, Wonder

Best Production Design

Dennis Gassner and Alessandra Querzola, Blade Runner 2049

Jim Clay and Rebecca Alleway, Murder on the Orient Express

Paul Denham Austerberry, Shane Vieau, and Jeff Melvin, The Shape of Water

Hugues Tissandier, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Aline Bonetto and Dominic Hyman, Wonder Woman

Best Sound Editing

Mark Mangini and Theo Green, Blade Runner 2049

Richard King and Alex Gibson, Dunkirk

Al Nelson and Steve Slanec, Kong: Skull Island

Matthew Wood and Ren Klyce, Star Wars: The Last Jedi

James Mather, Wonder Woman

Best Sound Mixing

Julian Slater, Tim Cavagin, and Mary H. Ellis, Baby Driver

Ron Bartlett, Doug Hemphill, and Mac Ruth, Blade Runner 2049

Mark Weingarten, Gregg Landaker, and Gary A. Rizzo, Dunkirk

Christian Cooke, Brad Zoern, and Glen Gauthier, The Shape of Water

David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce, and Stuart Wilson, Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Best Visual Effects

John Nelson, Gerd Nefzer, Paul Lambert, and Richard R. Hoover, Blade Runner 2049

Scott Fisher and Andrew Jackson, Dunkirk

Ben Morris, Mike Mulholland, Neal Scanlan, and Chris Corbould, Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Scott Stokdyk and Jérome Lionard, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Joe Letteri, Daniel Barrett, Dan Lemmon, and Joel Whist, War for the Planet of the Apes

Best Documentary Short

Edith+Eddie (Kartemquin Films)

Heaven Is a Traffic Jam on the 405 (Frank Stiefel)

Heroine(e) (Requisite Media/Netflix)

Knife Skills (Thomas Lennon Films)

Traffic Stop (Q-Ball Productions/HBO Films)

My omnibus review of this year’s nominees can be read here.

Best Live Action Short

DeKalb Elementary (Reed Van Dyk)

The Eleven O’Clock (FINCH)

My Nephew Emmett (Kevin Wilson, Jr.)

The Silent Child (Slick Films)

Watu Wote: All of Us, Germany/Kenya (Ginger Ink Films/Hamburg Media School)

My omnibus review of this year’s nominees can be read here.

Best Animated Short

Dear Basketball (Glen Keane Productions)

In a Heartbeat (Ringling College of Art and Design)

Lou (Pixar/Walt Disney)

Revolting Rhymes (Magic Light Pictures/Triggerfish Animation Studios/BBC)

World of Tomorrow Episode Two: The Burden of Other People’s Thoughts (Bitter Films)

My omnibus review of this year’s nominees can be read here. I took out Negative Space and Garden Party for my winner In a Heartbeat and World of Tomorrow Episode Two. If you haven’t seen In a Heartbeat yet... first, where the hell have you been? Under a rock? Here’s the link.

Academy Honorary Awards: Agnès Varda, Charles Burnett, Donald Sutherland, and Owen Roizman

Special Achievement Academy Award: Alejandro González Iñárritu, Flesh and Sand

MULTIPLE NOMINEES (22) Nine: The Shape of Water Seven: Dunkirk; The Post Six: Phantom Thread Five: Blade Runner 2049; Lady Bird; Mudbound; Star Wars: The Last Jedi Four: Call Me by Your Name; Coco; Faces Places; Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Three: The Florida Project; Get Out; The Greatest Showman; War for the Planet of the Apes Two: Baby Driver; The Breadwinner; Darkest Hour; The Death of Louis XIV; Mary and the Witch’s Flower; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; Wonder Woman

WINNERS 4 wins: The Shape of Water 3 wins: Lady Bird 2 wins: Dunkirk; Faces Places; Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets; War for the Planet of the Apes 1 win: The Breadwinner; Call Me by Your Name; Coco; DeKalb Elementary; The Florida Project; The Greatest Showman; In a Heartbeat; Knife Skills; Mudbound; Phantom Thread

16 winners from 25 categories. 45 feature-length films and 15 short films were represented.

Questions? Comments? Personal attacks? Fire away!

[authoratmidnight]

some general advice would be appreciated (is that to broad?) I want to give it a go at writing an A5 fanfic and i want to practice writing duels before beginning.

As I said, I can give it a whirl.

So, A5 huh? Well general things to keep in mind that are A5 specific-

-Action Duels are a thing, this means duels are faster paced than in previous series. It also mean Action Cards are a tool you can use in your duel as well. Whether they get used or not is us to you.

-It also means the duelists won’t just be standing on opposite sides of the field yelling(unless they’re both using Steadfast style duelling), they’ll be running around, interacting with the environment and their monsters(if big enough they might ride them).

-They are using Solid Vision which is actually, solid. People might get hurt. Also, which dimension are the duels happening in. Synchro has Real Solid Vision without the use of action fields, Fusion too, and the Xyz dimension only because the nabbed it from Fusion. Standard’s Real Solid Vision is limited to Action Fields unless a Crossover card is in play.

-Multi person duels(tag duels and Battle Royale ones happen a lot. Also the rules DO differ between the two.

More general duel related things- 

-Decide who you’re having duel and who you want to have win. It always helps to know who you want to come out on top. Also, how are they going to win?

Is it going to be an overwhelming ass kicking, or will it be a close one, or a shocking upset that my dad likes to call ‘snatching defeat from the jaws of victory’(it seems like A was going to win and then suddenly, boom! B won-this is a lot more effective as a shocker if A=protagonist/someone you’re rooting for and B=antagonist/someone you’re not rooting for)

-Is there anything specific you want/need to happen in this duel. I.e is a specific monster going to appear, is someone going to win in a brutal onslaught of attacks? Is there going to be an intrusion(multi person duels are frequent in A5). This will also shape how your duels goes, if you have to lead up to something.

-Don’t be afraid to fudge around decks. Like, depending on who you’re having duel, you might not have a lot to work with archetype wise (Lyrical Luscinia for example) and you might have to give them cards they might not canonically have. Just, keep consistency and don’t fling in cards that, clearly don’t belong.

Sometimes this means throwing cards in that were never shown in the anime but exist as part of the archetype(Abyss Actor Twinkle Little Star-we never see it in the anime, but it’s an AA so it would make sense for Shingo to have it, another example are sheer number of Odd-Eyes monsters Yuya, theoretically,could have access too), or to throw in non archetype-specific ones that could fit into their deck(Overlay Accel for example would fit into any Xyz using deck and not feel out of place).

E.g When I was writing my Yuya and Yuto vs. Obelisk Force duel in A Different Kind of Dimensional War, I ran into a snag with Yuto. At the time he hadn’t gotten back his deck from Heartland, so I was limited on what he had(even metagame wise). Now, in this circumstance it wouldn’t make much sense to give him a Rank up Magic like RUM Astral Force/Barian’s Force/The Seventh One or a Numbers monster, as those are very clearly Zexal things(and clearly belong to certain characters).

However, I threw Overlay Accel into his deck because 1) it’s not Archetype specific and 2) even though it comes from Astral’s deck and he’s the only one seen using it, it doesn’t scream ‘Astral only card’ 3) It did what I needed it to do.

So, ymmv on when it comes to fudging decks and if/how you go about doing that.

On that note,

-Don’t be afraid to make up cards.

No really, some characters have such limited decks(even when you dig into cards for them that weren’t shown in the anime), and there are so many cards to dig though in general that if you need a certain effect, sometimes it’s worth it just to, make up some. Case in point, I have made up 2 new Melodious monsters b/c we don’t have Melodious Pendulums. And I’m going to be making things up for the big bad fight at the end. As long as it seems to fit with their cards and is consistent, making up cards shouldn’t be a problem.

-Be consistent on the effects you use. Are you going to stick with anime effects, real world effects? Or cherry pick depending on what works? I, personally, am sticking to anime-only effects, but again, ymmv.

As for actually writing the duel, I plot out by hand how I want it to go, turn by turn(if I want to show the entire duel that is) to make sure it actually works and so I can calculate out the battle damage done each turn to see how long it’ll last. This is the most time consuming part because it involves constantly looking though character’s decks to see what they have to use and what they can do.

When actually writing, you have to keep in mind things like emotions-how are the characters feeling, is this a life or death duel or just for fun? What is the intent of the duel, what are you trying to accomplish with it? How do the characters feel about one another?

Using the duel I mentioned above, Obelisk Force had invaded the Barian World and Yuto and Yuya were fighting them off. Now, Yuya didn’t know who they were, but Yuto did, putting his emotional state higher and more tense than Yuya’s, to the point of teetering on the edge of berserk mode at one point.

This of course brings to the table very different emotions than say, the Yuya and Sora duel that had happened earlier, which was for fun.

Don’t just describe the attacks and effects(that gets dull fast) but what characters are doing, thinking, feeling, while dueling.

I hope this helps to some degree. ^.^

[cipherpolfiles]

Incoming extra-long Follower Appreciation and reply post!

I may need to start doing these biweekly (in this case, every two weeks), truth to be told. The amount of attention this blog is getting is a lot more than I had anticipated.

First of all, I want to welcome all the new followers. I also want to thank the people who have been following this blog for quite a while, some of you have even been here from the very beginning, for all their support.

I’m going to take this chance to inform you that this blog has just reached the 252 followers (it’s 255 right now, but I don’t have the time to screencap it all over again). Never, not even in my wildest dreams, had I imagined I’d reach so many; in fact, I was expecting to reach 50 at the very most. Sadly, right now I have no time to host another raffle/giveaway to celebrate the 200 follower milestone, but once things have calmed down a bit and I’ve been able to finish all the prizes from the previous one, I’ll do some other thing for you, guys, maybe during summer.

On another note, those 5 drafts you see there include some essays/analyses: an analysis about Tamago, which is actually one of the prizes for the 100 follower milestone giveaway and I have permission from the person who requested it to wait until the current arc is done, so the analysis can be wrapped up properly. On Charlotte Pudding, about how Pudding was evil and lying throughout the entire arc - I was working on this when Oda unveiled the truth about her, so after that I just lost my drive to keep writing it and it’s kind of just sitting there -; an unnamed one about the giants we’ve seen so far and their connection to Norse culture and other sources - on which I’ve been working for quite a while before the entire prince Loki of Elbaf reveal, mind you -; Creating Impel Down, an essay on the (possible) sources used to create the great underwater prison and its dwellers and Family & Loyalty. Edward ’Whitebeard’ Newgate Vs. Charlotte ‘Big Mom’ Linlin, a comparison between Whitebeard’s and Big Mom’s differing views and postures regarding the concept of family.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. My eternal gratitude goes not only to my followers, but to everyone who has followed this blog or liked and/or reblogged any of its contents, your sweet comments and tags make all the effort well worth it! You’re all incredible, guys!

Now, let’s give an answer to all the tags and comments you’ve left on my posts during this last month, shall we?

Response to the people who left little tag comments on this post & this other one:

Please, read the screenshot below because I’m not going to discuss this subject again (I’ll answer all the tags/comments I’ve gotten for it so far, but I won’t answer any new ones nor I’m going to talk about this subject ever again). It’s what’s written at the bottom of the post in the first link and the second one leads to that “other post of mine” that’s mentioned below.

I’m rather nonplused about the reception for this post, because people only seem to pay attention to those four dreadful words (Sanji has brown eyes) instead of the actual point of the post, which was the parallel/joke about Sanji being like Little Red Riding Hood. All that seemed to fly over nearly everyone’s heads despite it having two big images, a huge title and a sentence dedicated to it, plus a joking comment about just how gaudy the golden wristlets are.

@huevodandy Preach! (this is technically from another post related to this one, but I want everyone to see this).

@penumbrazxs​ That’s what we’ll all do, but you know, the manga purists are probably going to be bothering people over it, so better make it clear for everyone. We were talking about the manga cover on that post, so they’re brown. Manga = brown; anime = blue. Choose whatever you like most, people, just like with Law and Robin. I, myself, prefer them blue. Thanks for your input :)

@bee-kun I know, I know. I was surprised and confused as well.

@writesailingdreams Truer words were never spoken. Skin and eye colour diversity is certainly a job Toei does better than Oda. Also, don’t worry about it; they were mostly people who meant well. The problem is that when you receive loads of the same thing one after the other, it gets annoying. I must confess I like blue-eyed Robin better; she seems, don’t know, more myterious, more... alluring somehow. Not that there’s anything wrong with brown eyes nor saying that they can’t look mysterious and/or alluring, because they can be as hypnotising/mesmerising as any other hue.

@namibean Thanks for the reblog and your input. I must say I’d always pictured his eyes as blue, even before they started colouring them in the anime, so it was quite a shocker to see those brown eyes. Also, I laughed at the “cheese and rice” tag, I’d never heard that expression before. Thanks for teaching me something new, even if it wasn’t your intention :)

@lucy-heartflawless Go check the coloured manga if you want; I left a link to the officially coloured manga at Kissmanga on the first post linked on the title of this particular section (if you’re interested but can’t find it, just drop me a line), but I must tell you that I already checked the Punk Hazard incident and Nami!Sanji’s (Sanji in Nami’s body) eyes are still brownish.

@imadeablogforchitchat, @mellorine91, @torosiken, @sanjilovesbest, @roomshxmbles, @niyaow, @katsunenpiece I seriously nearly cried when I saw you guys were some of the very few people who had reblogged this post but hadn’t focused your (non-generic) tags on the eye colour comment. Thank you. Also, yes, it’s Little Red Riding Hood in Wonderland with some touches of Cinderella and I believe there are high chances of the “Ugly Duckling” (also Sanji) becoming a swan (I’m having a really hard time fighting off my need to write down the so very terrible pun I have in mind concerning this “Ugly Duckling” thing and Sanji’s use of honorifics). Sanji is like the protagonist of every fairy tale ever written, to be honest.

@kurakurapika Yo no he dicho nada de que no me guste la capa. Simplemente me hace gracia que Sanji se ajuste a prácticamente todos los protagonistas de cuentos de hadas: La Cenicienta, Caperucita Roja y sospecho que, antes de que acabe la saga, también El Patito Feo. Lo de los ojos, lo he comprobado en el manga oficial a color como dice ahí arriba y son marrones.

@nikotehfox I laughed at the nickname; I had come up with Little Red Riding Cook XD

@dustail I was shocked as well, to say the least. How dare he take blue-eyed ginger dino-man away from us. Luckily, the regular manga is black and white and the anime has blue-eyed Drake, so we still get to see the Drakey we all love XD

@sirenacalavera Bueno, para gustos están los colores :) Además, según mi incursión en el manga oficial a color, todos los Mugis tienen los ojos marrones (a excepción de Chopper, que no lo he mirado página a página por lo que no lo tengo claro y Brook, que ahora no tiene ojos y cuando los tenía los llevaba ocultos tras las gafas de sol a lo Lennon).

@theshittymarimo Yes, you’re right. I checked the official coloured manga and Sanji’s eyes are brown as well as the rest of the crew’s (exceptions being Chopper - I haven’t checked it page by page so not sure - and Brook - currently he has no eyes and before he always wore those shades of his -).

Response to the people who left little tag comments on this post:

@venomkid-64 That’s got to be one of the best descriptions of Oda I have seen XD

@iprincezzinuyoukai I concur, but who’s Anne? I don’t recall any characters with that name, except for what Ace’s name was going to be had he been a girl...

@gg-xx, @welcome-to-sanjis-shitty-kitchen, @eve-mura, @nicefandom, @katsunenpiece​ I know, right? Big Mom wasn’t even pissed at her, but at her twin Lola. Not saying it would have been ok to beat Chiffon had she done anything to piss Mama off, but you get what I mean. That said, I still find Big Mom’s character fascinating even though I hate her.

@writesailingdreams, @dixxymouri​ I’m curious about those mixed feelings on Capone.

@yeahnahmate Yes, please. They both need a long therapeutic chat about all the crap they’ve been through because of their respective families.

Response to the people who left little tag comments on this post:

@wordsdear I’m laughing way too hard at this. Something to do with a Drag Queen contest they celebrate during the carnival of Las Palmas de Gran Canaria, here in Spain and how they are all presented with the ‘title’ Drag + Name (e.g. Drag Sethlas, the controversial winner of the contest this year).

@katuen, @nicefandom, @adelyslikeop, @katsunenpiece I’m glad to know you guys like the post, find it interesting, think they’re good points and/or that it helped you notice new details about the manga. Thanks for taking the time to leave little comments among the tags :)

@jiofreed OMG, where do I even begin? I completely agree with you on the Sanji-Ichiji parallel; they seem to be similar yet opposites in many ways. Actually, I’m rather pissed at Sanji’s new backstory; I consider it mostly lazy writing what with the ‘magic‘ drug that only affects Sanji during a pregnancy of four and all. I don’t like the fact that he’s always been Saint Sanji and don’t get me wrong, because I absolutely LOVE Sanji, he’s easily one of the most humane characters in the entire series, that’s why I believe he deserved a less sci-fi, easy-way out bullshit backstory and a more realistic one, instead. The family dynamics and tension are great (not literally, but I hope you get what I mean), but the fact that Sanji is presented as white, pure, good whereas his brothers are completely black, immoral, evil just because of some nonsensical sci-fi crap explanation ruins it for me. I swear, if he pulls some “Sanji will awaken his genetically altered powers and the other three will suddenly be able to feel empathy and be good” crap, I’m going to murder someone. I would have rather had them all be different shades of grey; some leaning more towards a lighter shade and others towards a darker one. Either that or if he were still set on having ‘Saint Sanji’, Oda should have given Sora a separate pregnancy for him like he did with Reiju. Actually, Yonji seems to be the only one who is somewhat greyish to be honest. The way he acts when he’s with Ichiji and Niji is different from the way he acts when he’s with Reiju. Look who’s writing fanfiction now (I’ll probably lose a few followers because of it)  and I’m not even done but I’ll leave it here :)

@hanamatthiwone I completely agree with you; there’s something going on with the Vinsmokes. Something’s not adding up for the time being.

Response to the people who left little tag comments on this post:

@upyan I never said anything about his design? In fact, criticism towards the character’s design is nowhere to be found within my post. That said, I LOVE his design.

@detectivebiggs98, @sanjilovesbest I love that corrupt Big Bird and the fact that the news are managed by birds too. This guy is like a reverse Lord Varys, only he uses his ‘little birds’ to spread info rather than to gather intel.

@chaosconleche No, no. Please, don’t apologise. Even if I do remember they’re called News Coo (I just wanted to write avian workforce to be honest), maybe some people didn’t. So thank you very much for your input.

@wordsdear I want Morgans to be yellow too or maybe white, but Oda will probably colour it hot pink or something like that.

@jorrmungandr My thoughts exactly when I read the chapter. Word by word.

@hanamatthiwone Add corrupt in there somewhere and you probably have a very accurate description of Morgans.

@meiye OMG, that tag. I nearly died of laughter. You just won the most amusing tag of the month.

@katuen, @moonwave55 It is incredible and fantastic. Birds everywhere, indeed.

@trash-with-pride  I like their designs as well. Also, fair maiden... You mean the who’s actually a procuress and has possibly dozens, hundreds, if not thousands of sex-slaves? Fair maiden, indeed. Bet Caesar contacted her to spend all of Big Mom’s money on women and wine.

@keropatch He’s more than likely “a piece of shit” like you so eloquently pointed out.

@fossilfinding, @eleventhhourranger Evil Big Bird for the win! I’m already loving this guy.

@overlord-flinx First of all, I don’t think you can compare the human-reindeer doctor of a small pirate crew to a corrupt bird who is literally in charge of spreading the news to the entire freaking world or half the world, at the very least. They’re certainly not on the same league influence-wise. Secondly, please show me where it says that’s the reason the Long Ring Long Land animals are so long. As far as I remember, and correct me if I’m wrong, Tonjit explained it was because they had a lot of space to grow longer and taller, not because it was boring. Lastly, it is well known that octopuses or octopodes are often cannibals, so Hachi making and selling takoyaki is not weird at all.

Response to the people who left little tag comments on this post:

@luffy-of-spades Wish it were true, but somehow I seriously doubt it.

@wordsdear With what purpose exactly? I mean, how would that benefit either of them?

@katsunenpiece Not sure which one is the point you’re talking about, but thank you anyways :) Also, I’ve noticed you’ve become quite a regular on my posts as of late, which is good; it tells me I’m doing something right, so thank you for that as well.

@dyeblow “Ah, yeah. Well, whenever you notice something like that, a wizard did it.” - Xena (Lucy Lawless) The Simpsons. Seriously now, it was probably Daz.

@lunerblade1996 That’s one so very expensive umbrella then, even for the likes of Sir Crocodile XD

Response to the people who left little tag comments on this post:

@hanamatthiwone Well, even in colorspreads/covers/etc. we don’t really get to see the male characters’ eye colour because basically, until we met the Supernovae in Sabaody Arc, Oda didn’t even give them irises, I think (I can’t remember whether Enel had irises drawn as well or not).

@wordsdear That’s because Brook himself would have made a skull joke about it. Yohohohoho!

Response to the people who left little tag comments on this post:

@sagelynaive My thoughts exactly, nearly word for word too.

@wordsdear Nah, Luffy doesn’t have the patience nor the acting skills necessary to pose as the priest/minister/officiant.

@firstmateandcaptain I’m glad you like the idea and Luffy would probably hollow it from the inside... Let’s face it, he would eat the whole damn thing XD

@katsunenpiece & @useless-chan I’d love to see it happen, to be honest. It was the most absurd thing that popped up in my mind while I was reading the chapter. Now I need this to be canon XD Thanks for your respective inputs!

@huevodandy But wouldn’t that defeat the whole purpose? I mean, Capone wants Luffy to create a distraction so no one pays attention to what he’s doing. If Luffy comes out from within Capone in front of everyone, that would drag Bege himself into the spotlight too.

Response to the people who left little tag comments on this post:

@choconanime That’s what I’d like to know.

@katsunenpiece I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this.

@niyaow I’m sorry to hear that blasted option caused you trouble. Tumblr should really get rid of it.

Response to the people who left little tag comments on this post:

@torosiken Indeed, but not only the royal family, the clone soldiers are just as bad.

Response to the people who left little tag comments on this post:

@fridoline I agree, it’s so very fitting for Niji.

@strawhatfamily Well, they’re all a bunch of douches, but they still make interesting characters. I’m loving the Vinsmokes so far. I think they’re good people? No. They’re intriguing nonetheless.

@phonenix Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!

(Well, this is technically from my last Follower Appreciation post (February 28 - March 1), but since there’s a comment referencing this post I’m going to include it here)

@malfunctioningkitten Thanks a lot for the follow! I’m glad you like the blog.

Response to the people who left little tag comments on this post & this other one:

@detectivebiggs98, @niyaow, @katsunenpiece Turns out I was right about him being CC, after all. Also, thank you all for being regulars on my posts. It makes me happy to see I’m at least doing something right when people come back as often as you guys do.

@whatinthechickenballs It got even more interesting now, but yeah, I’m loving the whole Bege/Big Mom = Al Capone/Big Jim thing. Oda even included the poison bullets the real Capone had!

@huevodandy Looks like CC’s Alola form is called Gastino XD

Response to the people who left little tag comments on this post:

@bluegrasscountry Well... Someone should inform Trafalgar Law about the fact that he can’t be the crew’s captain and doctor at the same time, if that’s the case.

@niyaow Thanks a bunch for the info!

@writesailingdreams I was confused about this as well.

Response to all those who went on a faving spree &/or reblogged something from the One Piece Icon Project:

@greenleavesgreentea, @livinforluffy Thanks for the rebbloging spree and I’m glad you liked my icons enough to reblog them.

@askcp9kaku Thanks a bunch for the faving bout. I’m always glad to see people like the things I do :)

@askrosetto Thank you so much for the kind words and the faving spree. I really appreciate it and yes, it’s a conspiracy, I’m telling you. I didn’t even notice it looked like a chicken until I was getting the post ready to upload.

@askthelongnosedsniper Thanks for the reblog on the Usopp icon!

@huevodandy You’re more than welcome, my friend. Now, should I create a Pekoms to go with it? *ponders*

Response to the people who left comments and/or faved this post:

I’m sorry I’m getting back to you guys with this so late OTL

@niyaow Thank you so much!

@jiofreed ¡Muchas gracias! Por cierto, si te sientes más cómoda, puedes hablarme en español, no me importa.

Big thanks to @nicefandom, @huevodandy, @andrewtheamericandude, @lovablestories (aka writesailingdreams), @mad-phlegmatic & @nerentina.

Aaaaaand I think I’m done. God, that was some monster post right there!

As usual, if I forgot anyone it’s more than likely because I didn’t receive a notification about it.

[romancevsreality-blog]

the bachelor, season 21, episode 1: i most certainly am not here for the right reasons

I’m pretty sure I’ve never been so excited in my life for one thing.

I’m also pretty sure no one has worked harder to make one person happen than ABC did for Nick. They’re not claiming it’s “The Most Exciting Season Yet”, thank god - it’s “Unlike Anything You’ve Ever Seen Before”. God damn it, ABC. You are not clever.

Nick is uncomfortable saying he’s The Bachelor, and we get a full on montage of him half-naked and even FULL NAKED!!!! I still can’t decide if I think Nick is cute, and this will be my personal journey this year - Is Nick Hot, Or Is He A Body And Good Facial Hair? I just know that Nick has more personality in his pinky finger than Manila Envelope and Water-Based Oatmeal1 ever could. We get a montage of Nick’s terrible hair2 and terrible experiences on this franchise. He also talks with his hands in front of his mouth and has communication issues. Apparently, his family is thrilled with him being the Bachelor, which is hilarious because anyone else’s family would talk them out of doing this show for the FOURTH time. But instead his sister gives him some shitty advice about picking girls up in cars, and we get the obligatory Kiss From A Rose/I’m The Bachelor Now photoshoot montage. Nick’s gonna give us all happy endings, and my friend Katie is pumped.

Speaking of Manila Envelope and Water-Based Oatmeal, they join Sean Lowe, who’s season I’ve seen but barely remember except for Tierra the Tierrable for a chat about the fact that Nick is considered to be an asshole and make jokes that he’s done the show four times. I love that this is going to be A Thing this season. Nick’s afraid of failing on TV AGAIN and all of America is sadly rooting for this too. Not out of dislike for Nick, but wouldn’t it be interesting if SIX people rejected him? Manila Envelope or Water-Based Oatmeal (YMMV) manages to give Nick some good advice about not changing for the show ‘cause everyone’s gonna love him!

When I’m The First Black Bachelorette, my advice to the incumbent will be:

We’re greeted with the first shot of The Artist Formerly Known As My Mortal Enemy, Chris Harrison. Now that I’m enemies with James Kennedy, I had to replace Chris. He was super cool about it, though. He still knows what he did, though. Trust me. He knows what he did. He’s going to introduce us to our Final Four and Others! This is an actual trope of this show - the final four is always featured in the opening segment, along with the two or three others who are topics of discussion this season. You know you’re gonna get a good or bad edit depending whether or not you’re one of the Chosen Six.

WE MEET SOME OF THE LADIEZ!!!!!

Rachel, who I already decided will be Our Real First Black Bachelorette, is an attorney from Dallas. We get a montage of her vacuuming and dancing and talking about how she wants love, but doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but hopes to feel a connection straight off the bat. Rachel, at 31, is one of the oldest contestants this season, and I adore Rachel. Danielle is 27 and owns 3 nail salons. She’s kind of bland. Vanessa, who’s from Quebec3 and speaks English, Italian, and French, and is a special needs teacher. She’s more of a unicorn than Joelle on Ben’s season. She’s far too perfect and Ben is gonna love her. Jacqueline is a lonely nursing student who loves cats and talks to animals. It takes a “certain kind of guy” to handle Jacqueline, which means he’s going to hate her.

Raven reads her bible and watches football in Huxie, Alabama. She’s the second small business owner on the show, and... yeah, i got nothing for Raven. She’s another one who’s just there and probably makes it to the end as The Shocker. Corinne is glamorous and lives in Miami. She’s a 24-year-old woman with a fucking nanny who she needs to live. She runs a “multi-million dollar company” that he dad is passing over to her, and Corinne is this season’s villain and probably final four. Alexis is weird and embarrassing, Danielle is a nurse. GOD these women are... bland.

Taylor is a mental health professional and is fucking gorgeous. She psychoanalyzes Nick, which scares me, considering she’s never met him. Not a huge fan of armchair psychology, even though that is literally the basis of this blog. She talks about being biracial and I’m glad this is a discussion being had on this show. Colorism is so real and such a problem - most of mainstream America probably has zero clue about the internalized hatred within a lot of the black community when it comes down to the actual color of your skin. Liz and Nick fucked at Jade and Tanner’s wedding, where Liz was the maid of honor. They call it “hooking up” but they refuse to admit they bangalanged. Liz refused to give Nick her number after the torrid affair and regrets it because now he’s going to be rich, famous, and have over a million Instagram followers, the dream of every person who participates in his mess of a series.

Note: There has been almost a week between the above paragraph and the rest of this blog. Last week was crazy, sorry y’all. I’ll do better for you this season, I promise.

Anyway, we resume with the Meeting of The Women, also known as the Limo Introductions. Chris Harrison welcomes him back because this is the second time Nick’s doing this - how many times are we going to reference that this is Nick’s fourth go-around???? - and they talk about how Nick is controversial. Remember when Madonna kissed Britney Spears was controversial? Now, a former Salesforce representative-turned-model is “controversial”. Words mean nothing and I am losing more of myself every single day. Nick hopes to finally meet The One, because... that is literally the point of this show.

A GIF Interpretation of My Reaction To Meeting The Bachelor If I Were to Compete on This Show: 4

Danielle is the first from the limo, which combined with her opening segment places her heavily in the top 4. Elizabeth is 24, wearing white lace, and is nervous. She’s basically wearing a wedding dress, and that’s all I got from this. My Queen Rachel shows up, looking gorgeous in a red dress and a red lip, and then makes a football joke. RACHEL, YOU ARE THE BEST. I LOVE YOU. Christen does a fan dance, wears a yellow dress Reese Witherspoon5 is dying to wear to next year’s Golden Globes, and much like everyone else, is excited.

Taylor The Mental Health Professional is only 23?! She calls him a piece of shit (blaming her friends), which is... not the best note to start on and things get weird quick. Nick does not want to meet her friends. laughed so hard because as someone who has also insulted someone upon initial meeting, it’s all in your recovery, and Taylor The Mental Health Professional flubbed. Oh, Taylor. You probably will go home tonight. Kristina wants to get to know him for him, Angela is a model who’s there because El Bachelor is Nick and wears a two-piece gown. Lauren shows up in ALL SEQUINS and her last name is “Hussy”, and makes a solid “Viall-Hussy” joke. Lauren, I already like you. Who are you, Lauren? Can we be friends? I’m down with your sense of humor6.

I wonder how many times they’ll use the word “excited” tonight? Elizabeth wants to form her OWN opinions about him because she’s a Woman Who Does What She Wants. They all believe that Nick on Paradise is the real Nick, not the former Nick who was the asshole on The Bachelor. Ida Marie and Taylor show up, and Ida Marie does a trust fall with him - is this my middle school theatre camp? - and Olivia from Alaska gives him an Eskimo kiss, which feels... obtuse. Someone comes running in - Sarah - and makes a runner-up joke. I’d be pissed if I had to run in any kind of dress. I’d be pissed if I had to run, period. Jasmine G’s body is on point, she looks gorgeous in teal, and she brought Neil Lane with her. I guess Nick and Neil Lane will see each other FIVE TIMES over the course of this show. See? Even I can’t stop mentioning how many times Nick has been on this show. It’s all kind of pointless, and weird, and so is the following “I’m not wearing underwear” non-joke from Hailey, who is also 23. Some of the girls this season are showing their age early on, damn.

Astrid speaks German and gets hella sexy with Nick in a language he doesn’t understand. All the girls are trying to bang him already, damn. I love it. OH NO, LIZ HAS ARRIVED. I’M SCARED FOR HER ALREADY. Nick gives a stifled smile to her like he’s trying to place her - not a good sign, Liz The Doula - and doesn’t even acknowledge that the two of them know each other. HE HAS NO IDEA. I LOVE THIS PLOTLINE ALREADY. Nick “thinks he met her already” which is amazing because he’s literally not sure. Liz weirds me out - there’s a robotic thing about her that scares me. LizBot 2000 reminds me of a strange beauty pageant girl.

Corinne is here for Nick and gives him a hug token to cash in later. Corinne, I already dislike you. Vanessa speaks French to Nick, and I hate her dress. I really like her, though. Some girl brings maple syrup and my boyfriend went on a rant about bringing sticky brown water to a first date and I stopped paying attention to what was going on. Raven has a cute accent, and Jaimi is the second person in the culinary arts this season. Jaimi has “balls” as in she has a septum piercing? WHAT? HOW IS THIS A THING? There’s so much wrong about that. There are a few more introductions I pretty much ran through - Savannah, Josephine (who gives him a book with a hot dog in it?). Lacey arrives on a camel and makes a hump joke, and the girls can’t get over that they didn’t come up with that concept. It is a really good one. Alexis is an aspiring dolphin Trainer and wears a shark suit7, but considers herself to be a dolphin. Remember on Burning Love when Jennifer Aniston wore THE EXACT SAME COSTUME? REMEMBER THIS? MAGGIE, REMEMBER? I AM DEAD, BURNING LOVE AND THIS SHOW ARE OFFICIALLY THE SAME THING.

Everyone’s wearing red, and everyone is upset about it. Next season no one will wear red ever. The season after that, no one will wear red. Hailey, Rachel, Taylor, Lacey, Angela, and Dominique all wear red. There may even be more of them that I didn’t notice. Nick is greeted by the women with a cocktail and thanks them for being there because he’s done it 100 times.

Rachel gets the first time with Nick, and they flirt. Hard. She’s such a fucking queen, she’s a star from the get-go. She, like me, has more cousins than siblings, and she loves everyone in her family. She’s got goals and is good at her job. Christen teaches Nick to ballroom dance - for some reason, I feel like Nick is the rare white guy who can actually dance - and Danielle talks about how she really wants a rose that night. I actually think Nick is approaching this like an adult? With thought and confidence and a good amount of self-deprecation, which is nice.

Chris Harrison drops...

THE FIRST IMPRESSION ROSE!!!!!!!!

Corinne does something with tokens and really wants to kiss him tonight. Vanessa’s friend submitted her for the show and considers it fate that the only guy she wanted was Nick, and Nick’s now Le Bachelor. Vanessa wants to kiss him so badly and it seems like it might happen until Corinne, confirming her space as this season’s villain, comes in and interrupts him to kiss him. Everyone sees, of course, and everyone’s shocked. Corinne’s so gross, she’s all but smiling during the kiss which is so weird. This season is weird. Corinne is described as “the first one to kiss him, and the first one to double-dip.” They’re not wrong, but the season has officially begun.

Jasmine G is upset because she wanted time to talk to him and Nick asks her to wait briefly. The girls start drinking heavily to cope because this show and the environment is anxiety inducing. Everyone wants to be friends with Alexis the Dolphin Shark, who insists she’s a dolphin. Corinne makes weird references to her body being possibly ugly under there. Alexis is drunk and in the pool, and Nick finds her there and insists she’s a shark. It really is concerning that she refuses to acknowledge that she’s a shark. Her costume has a fin. Nick tells her she’s gotta keep it on all night long because he’s probably into that. Doesn't Nick Being a Furry seem like a thing that would happen in 2017?

LizBot 2000 cannot get over the fact that she’s met Nick before and is really excited that he doesn’t remember - girl, that is a BAD THING that he doesn’t remember. Nick admits that he does remember her7 and it’s been a while since they last saw each other. He’s basically confused as to why she wouldn’t give him her number but feels comfortable enough going on this show8. She still thinks he was a dick before she saw him on Paradise, and Nick is hella confused. He just calls her out on her bullshit time and time again and it’s incredible. They get interrupted and LizBot tries to stall but Nick’s like, “uh, hell no, I’m gonna talk to everyone tonight, sorry.” and ditches her.

Everyone’s nervous because the First Impression Rose is still out there, and everyone’s worried Corinne might get it because she kissed him first, and Corinne’s not worried. The girl who gave him maple syrup is Canada, of course, some girl has a Carrie Bradshaw quote? WHY DOES ANYONE WANT TO BE CARRIE BRADSHAW? Her boyfriend Danielle M. seems too shy and timid for this show, but I like her. She’s a nurse for sick babies and likes the challenge. They seem to have a cute rapport, and Nick comes for the First Impression Rose.

OMG. OMG. OH MY GOD9.

IT GOES TO MY QUEEN AND GODDESS RACHEL.

YES.

YES!!!!!!!!!

THIS SEASON IS ALREADY AMAZING.

A BLACK WOMAN GETS THE FIRST IMPRESSION ROSE, TRACEE ELLIS ROSS WINS A GOLDEN GLOBE, VIOLA DAVIS WINS A GOLDEN GLOBE, AND EVERYTHING IS BETTER FOR US ALL10.

Nick says it was “obvious” that he wanted to give the rose to Rachel by the end of the night, and they kiss. I am alive. You can tell she was genuinely shocked. They hold hands. This is true love.

We’re headed into the Rose Ceremony, but not before Nick confers with Chris Harrison. He's pissed at Liz.

Roses go to: Vanessa, Danielle, Christen, Astrid/Astird, Corinne (who thought she might not get a rose because she kissed him), Elizabeth W, Jasmine G (who cried when she thought she wouldn’t get time with him), Raven, Kristina (who also cried because she didn’t know what to expect), Danielle M, Sarah, Josephine, Lacey, Taylor The Mental Health Professional, Alexis (who still refuses to admit she’s a shark), Hailey, Whitney, Dominique, Jaimi11, Brittany (who seems like an irl Cecily Strong character from SNL), and LizBot 2000, of course.

That means we’re losing Olivia, Angela, Ida Marie, Briana, Susannah, Michelle, and Lauren, who never evolved past “Viall-Hussey”, which is so sad. I liked her. Can’t wait to see all of you in Paradise, though! We’ll certainly have forgotten you by that point.

This Season, on La Bachelor: NICK FREEZES TO DEATH, Into The Wild-style. Lots of dancing! Lots of kissing! Lots of adventures! Finland! Jaimi’s bisexual! THE FUCKING BACKSTREET BOYS. Corinne takes her top off for a photograph, everyone wants to fuck Nick, and Liz tells everyone about her and Nick banging. Vanessa cries, everyone cries, and Corinne is an immature villain. Corinne tries to bang Nick, and Nick cries a ton. Nick doesn’t like being The Bachelor? And the proposals happen in an elk lodge. Gross. Currently crossing my fingers that Nick gets rejected a third time, despite my current love for him.

See you tomorrow for Vanderpump Rules, and Wednesday for The Bachelor, and THE FIRST EPISODE OF MY PODCAST. I'll post details about it soon.

Random Assessments from The Desk of Amanda:

Initial thoughts about Nick: He’s great.I think he’s going to be a great Bachelor, maybe the best in Bachelor history, which is saying a lot. He’s charming, self-deprecating, and seems to be in it for real, which is strange.

Bachelor Fantasy Picks: Vanessa, Rachel, Danielle.

Vanessa looks like Brunette Jessica Chastain, Michaela Watkins, Andi Dorfman, Julia Roberts, Madeleine Stowe, Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Corinne and Sarah have the same face and different hair.

My boyfriend claims the key to making past the first night: asking the Bachelor/Ette how they’re feeling and if things are going well. Make it about them, y’all. Don’t try to sell yourself. Also, be super-de-duper hot.

I hate the voice-overs of people hoping to be called.

NO ONE GOT WASTED DRUNK ON THE FIRST NIGHT AND MADE A FOOL OF THEMSELVES. What a disappointment.

Nick and Kaitlyn really, really hate each other.

In this new year, I’m literally thrilled that Josh and Amanda are donzo for good and for realsies. BYE HEAUX.

Chris and Ben, disrespectfully. ↩︎

Was his hair ORANGE in Kaitlyn’s season? ORANGE? ↩︎

I hate the Quebecois French accent. ↩︎

Kim’s old face! ↩︎

Reese only wears yellow or purple on the red carpet, and it is so boring. ↩︎

I would totally be the girl who competes on this show with the sole purpose of making friends. I’m here to make friends, not to win. ↩︎

After some producer prodding, probably. ↩︎ ↩︎

It’s because she wants to shill weight-loss teas and go on Marriage Boot Camp like her best friends Jade And Tanner, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged In Paradise And Married On TV Earlier Last Year, Remember Them? ↩︎

My favorite part of the FIR is that it sits in front of the girls, taunting them for hours. ↩︎

I also love the girls who are trying not to be like “... But she’s black????” It’s so obvious. #BlackGirlMagic is real. ↩︎

My boyfriend referred to her as “Septum Piercing”, so that’s her name. ↩︎

[deliverbe]

When I’ve been claimed by artblock, RoRo L money is always there for me