#omg dont even get me started on the character sings

[lewkwoodnco]

and I hope it gets to you on some Pacific wind - Lockwood x Reader

will you love me like you loved me in the January rain? will you love me like you loved me and I'll never ask for more.

and I never minded being on my own, then something broke in me and I wanted to go home to be where you are but even closer to you, you seem so very far and now I'm reaching out with every note I sing and I hope it gets to you on some Pacific wind wraps itself around you and whispers in your ear tells you that I miss you and I wish that you were here

I didn't choose this town. I dream of getting out. There's just one who could make me stay...all my days.

MASTERLIST | TAGLIST part 1: I Can See You

a/n: WOOOO almost a month since my last fic (tl;dr got terribly sick, got my a level results, scholarship apps, trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life until I remembered, oh, right, I hate doing that, so now its back to fic writing) anywaysss watched miss peregrines home for peculiar children while i was sick and omg. the end credits song??? deCEASED. anyways heres a fic inspired by that song which you should definitely listen to and i definitely wont cry if you dont cbnjvfkjva bye going to get chocolate cakee

warnings/tropes: reader (unexpectedly) missing lockwood desperately after moving away, pining for someone w every fiber of your being, handling grief (NO major character death tho), angst, no happy ending :/// but some snippets of humour!

word count: 6.3k! (my longest fic yet!)

"You won't believe what they're doing at Fittes."

 She slid into a seat at Portland Row's kitchen table, oblivious to the fact that she had just stolen George's seat. George glared at Lockwood for a minute, who looked appropriately sympathetic yet slightly distracted, before picking another seat.

"Hi Y/N, how nice to see you. Again. For the third time this week. Please, make yourself at home."

"Oh, Georgie, you're so sweet." She was too distraught to pick up on George's sarcastic tone or his eye roll, though Lockwood spared him an apologetic glance. She slammed a letter onto the table, upsetting the salt and pepper shakers, which Lockwood started curiously scanning. "Unlike my daft supervisors."

There was always a flurry of activity whenever she visited Portland Row. She somehow always had so much to say, and she had to say it within the first five minutes of her being there. That usually meant Portland Row's own activities would come to a brief halt, but her news was more often than not too entertaining to incite many grievances from the inhabitants.

After their joint case involving Winkman, Lucy and George had felt the air shift between them, in a way they couldn't quite put their finger on. Something had obviously happened, especially since she had started stopping by Portland Row. They'd exchange a few obligatory insults, share the highlights of their week, and somehow not bite each other's faces off. Over time, the insults faded into the background, but they still threw in the occasional jab when things started seeming too friendly. Why they were still pretending to get into tiffs when Lockwood had slipped her a spare key was completely lost on George and Lucy. 

One unfortunate consequence was they became stuck in this weird limbo. Neither friends nor enemies, but something more rather than in between. And yet, some part of them always hesitated, and so they remained as the two singular, lonely entities they had always been. That wasn't to say they didn't have it in their hearts to feel appropriately outraged for the other when the circumstances called for it.

"Layoffs?”

"Layoffs!"

"What the hell are they laying you off for?"

"Exactly! Never mind that my team has the lowest mortality rate, or that we've never caused destruction worth any more than 500 pounds - no offence, Lockwood."

"Er, yes. At least they're giving you a decent severance package."

Apparently, that wasn't the right thing to say, and this time the egg cups went down as well.

"Overrated ass agency with fuck ass headquarters in the middle of London that I never wanted to spend the rest of my career at anyway, fuck Fittes bitch fucking Rotwell's wannabe-“

"What about Kipps?"

Her face twisted and the others braced for impact a third time. "If they don't put his head on the chopping block, I will-"

After a few cups of tea and a few more rounds of nonsensically excessive swearing, she had finally gotten her disappointment under control.

"Maybe a little rapier practice will take your mind off things?"

She pulled a face. "But my shoulder's so tired."

"Your shoulder's been tired for three weeks now. If your break goes on any longer you'll forget everything I've taught you about grips."

"Aw. Oh no."

"Yes, yes, you're very funny."

"What a tragedy."

"You could at least try to pretend like you care."

"I care! I so care. Of course I care. I've got the hottest instructor this side of the Thames."

"Only on this side of the Thames?"

"Yeah, 'cause he's also a dork ass loser who wears confetti-coloured socks."

Still, she joined him in the basement for a little bit of practice, just to refresh her memory. After that, they tried to venture into some basic lunges, which was where things started going downhill again.

"It's no use." She drove her rapier into the stand and started pulling her wrist brace off, despite Lockwood's deflating encouragement. She sat propped up against the wall, frustratedly combing through her sticky hair. "I'm hopeless at this. Maybe Fittes did know what they were doing when they laid me off."

Lockwood sighed. He put away his own rapier and joined her on the floor. "You're not the only employee they've dismissed. You just got...unlucky."

"Now I feel worse."

"My point is, things will start looking up once you move on." He fiddled with her wrist brace. hesitating. "You do know what to do next, don't you?"

She sighed. "I'll start sending out applications tomorrow. There's this agency in Canterbury I've worked with before. Maybe they'll consider having me full-time."

If she notices Lockwood being mildly taken aback, she doesn't remark on it. He manages some strangled response of approval, and their rapier practice session ends there. It's too late for her to return home by then, so they wash up and get ready for bed. It's clear the day has taken a sizeable chunk out of her when she almost immediately falls half-asleep. Lockwood worries over their conversation in the basement. He glances at her relaxed face. Yeah, she was probably still awake.

"Y/N. Y/N."

"Mm."

"You awake?"

"Mhm."

"I just wanted to tell you that...I was perfectly serious that time. When I said you could come work for me. In case you were wondering. Y/N?"

She doesn't respond, and after a few minutes, her breathing evens out again. He isn't sure if she's heard her, and is even less sure why she's doing everything in her power to stay away from Lockwood & Co.

One cold, January morning, she had been at the Archives with Lockwood & Co. where they were doing some research on their latest joint case. By the time that January morning had turned into a chilly January afternoon, George was telling Lockwood off for leaving one of the maps behind at Portland Row. Naturally, Lockwood was sent to fetch the missing materials, who, not-so-naturally, enlisted her help. 

As reluctant as she may have appeared to join Lockwood on this errand, she rested her buzzing head against the soothing, cold glass of the cab gratefully. She had been a little distracted all morning; working at a slower pace, fiddling with the large volumes disinterestedly, staring off into space. She was simultaneously irritated and relieved that Lockwood had noticed. She stared out at the foggy streets of London with her own foggy eyes, trying to make sense of the day.

She had decided to wait on their front porch while Lockwood nipped in to get the papers. While waiting, a sharp rap on their tin awning startled her. Peering up at the sky, she watched the first raindrops of that January shower land in Portland Row's garden. Soon enough, it started to pour generously. The delicate, almost curious winter daffodils drooped their heads under the violent force that was the rain coming down in sheets. In the grey of the clouds and the streets, their yellow petals made her dream of something half-happy.

Tentatively, she walked down the path and stepped into the garden. And then another step. And then another. She was frolicking in the rain for the first time in her life, and there was no one around to stop her.

She felt the rain pause, and turned to see Lockwood holding an umbrella over the two of them. She wrapped her fingers around his on the handle and, with a bit of difficulty, closed the umbrella over their heads. It was only a matter of seconds before the heavy raindrops started weighing his coat down and flattening his otherwise perfectly coiffed hair. She watched the hues of curiosity and amusement shift in his eyes, all of them tinged with the mauve of love. She watched him love her wholly, unabashedly, asking for nothing.

She felt sorry for ruining Lockwood's nice clothes only for a moment, before throwing her arms around his neck, clutching him a little stronger than what was strictly necessary. Papers forgotten, rain soaken, daffodils smitten…she never wanted it to end.

And that was when her life started to fall apart. Being laid off by Fittes had drastically changed their dynamic, and hardly for the better. It was no longer banter from one agent to another - it was one agent and the bad habit he had picked up over the months, one he didn't seem too keen on kicking anytime soon. She didn't ask to stay, and he didn't ask her to leave. And so she spent the rest of her days of unemployment at Portland Row, helping out however she could, filling out and mailing her applications.

Which brought her to her next problem - letters of recommendation.

She was sitting at the kitchen table, reading through the advertisements in the newspaper while nervously shredding its bottom corner. She didn't even look up when Lockwood placed her mug of tea in front of her. He shifted it right on top of the ad she was picking apart.

"Oh. Thanks."

"How's the job search going?"

"Not good." She sighed. "A lot of them require a letter of recommendation."

He slid into the seat next to hers, resting his chin on the back of the chair. "I'll write you a letter of recommendation."

"From my previous employer."

"So? Go over to Fittes and ask for one."

"I don't know," she said, disintegrating the final scraps of newspaper. "Seems a little awkward to go back there after they laid me off."

Lockwood took a look at his watch. "I've got a client meeting at 2, so we should leave after breakfast."

He was already climbing out of his chair and talking to George about the stove misbehaving again by the time her brain caught up. "Hang on, we?" 

Lockwood seemed to very conveniently not hear her. "Y/N, if you're not going to drink your tea, we should leave now."

She crammed the last of her toast into her mouth while shrugging her coat on, and joined him outside where he was counting out some coins in his hand.

"Should be just enough for the two of us."

"Just enough for what?"

"The bus. Lovely day, isn't it?"

The trip to Fittes was one of the worst she'd had in her life. She almost felt ashamed for getting laid off and was driving herself crazy obsessing over it. Halfway through she felt a warmth settle over her hand, and glanced down to see Lockwood's palm covering her own. He was looking out the window as if nothing had even happened, and she was looking at him. She couldn't quite tear her eyes away from the sight.

When they reached, she went up to the customer service counter while Lockwood hung back. He looked around the first-floor lobby languidly, watching everyone hurry about their da- hang on, was that Barnes coming out of a conference room? 

Lockwood smiled at him while Barnes averted his gaze and started walking out a little faster. Yes, that was most definitely Barnes. He started walking towards him and was just about to call out when he was interrupted by a slightly heated voice coming from the customer service counter.

"What do you mean you don't offer letters of recommendation?!"

A few days after they were almost-but-not-really kicked out of the Fittes headquarters, she and Lockwood were in the library reshelving some books a little before lunchtime. George and Lucy were in the kitchen, so for a while all that could be heard was the smooth sounds of books being pulled off and being put onto the shelves. Lockwood glanced at her and cleared his throat, forcefully injecting a certain nonchalance into his voice.

"I was talking to Barnes the other day."

"Hmm?"

"I think I managed to convince him that we're a big enough agency now to need health insurance."

"Health insurance? Well, don't tell George, or he'll fling himself off the roof at the first chance."

Lockwood stifled a laugh, turning it into a cough though his voice was still comically strained. "Don't go giving him any ideas, now." 

They continued rearranging the books in silence until he steeled himself enough to pick up the conversation again.

"So, what I wanted to say was...if you wanted to join Lockwood & Co... you wouldn't have to worry about your mother. Not anymore."

She paused her shelving and frowned at him. "Why do you want me to join Lockwood & Co. so badly?"

"I think you'd be...a valuable member of our team."

So close, yet so far from the few words she wanted to hear. Please join us, Y/N. Forget about all these other agencies. I'd miss you more than I could bear if you left. Go on. Say it.

"Is that all?"

"I...I suppose."

She turned back to their task, disappointed. "I've been wanting to leave London for a while now. To get out, explore...see what's out there."

He stilled for a moment, before bowing his head regretfully. "I see."

 Ask me to stay. Please.

They were sitting cross-legged in the garden on Lockwood's coat, the winter daffodils now resting their tired heads on their knees. She squinted up at the sky, now that the rain had come down to a light drizzle.

"My mum never let me go out in the rain." She smiled bitterly at him. "The rest of my friends would go out into the street in their...raincoats...wellingtons...and I'd watch them from the kitchen window. She always said I'd fall sick. And I'd always think...how terrible would it really be if I did?" 

She stared at the ground and tried very hard not to cry. "I was a kid. I just...I just wanted a bit of fun." She pressed a shaky hand to her eyes, then dragged it up to her forehead. "And now, all I want..." 

The silence filled in for the words she didn't say.

"I never thought I'd miss that."

She glanced at his face anxiously, trying to gauge his reaction. In a way, she mused, Lockwood, and whatever this was, was not all that dissimilar from the rain. It was some wish for a sickness for a fleeting moment of peace. A fleeting moment of being wanted.

He blinked away the raindrops weighing on his eyelashes. "You won't have to. She'll be alright."

"How do you know?"

He stared at a limp daffodil, whose head was being cradled by the bend of his knee, and sighed. "I don't. But some things you just have to...believe."

"I'm sick of believing."

"Then I'll believe for you."

She never knew what it was like to have someone hold onto faith when she couldn't. To have someone hold her up when her knees were buckling under her, to do what she wasn't strong enough to do herself. She cleared her throat, suddenly embarrassed. 

"You don't have to do that."

"Someone's got to do it. I'll do it for you."

It was around this point that Lockwood suddenly started getting a lot busier. He somehow never had the time to stay in the same room as her for longer than a minute, and any short passing conversations they shared felt stunted. Other than a cursory smile when they passed each other in the hallways, Lockwood seemed further to her than ever, with his cool demeanour that was somehow forever occupied with matters greater and more important than her.

After a few days of struggling with her applications on her own, Lucy suggested that she pay a visit to DEPRAC for a letter of recommendation. Thankfully, her request for the letter was successful, but her joy was short-lived, barely lasting the bus ride home.

She watched the hopelessly in love couples on the bus whisper to each other, hold hands or even just enjoy each other's company in silence. There was a guy with his hair styled in an unnervingly familiar way. It triggered a sick image of Lockwood sitting on this very bus, next to a girl with lazily attractive eyes and hair prettier than hers could ever be. It made her feel nauseous.

When she returned to Portland Row, she walked around the seemingly empty house, perplexed, until she finally found the three of them pouring over a large book in the library. Lockwood was fiddling with the shirt sleeves folded at his elbows and was the first to glance up as she gently pushed the door open.

"Hey," she smiled at them faintly, avoiding Lockwood's gaze, trying to keep the worry gnawing at her synapses at bay. She stepped inside, 

leaning over the huge book, tracing the letters with her eyes interestedly. 

"Is that the -" 

Lockwood slammed the book shut, cutting her off and sending Lucy into a coughing fit over the dust it released.

"Y/N! Find your way to DEPRAC alright?"

 It was a heavy book, she kept repeating to herself, of course it was going to take quite an effort to close it. However, from the way his forearms flexed aggressively as he stuffed the book back into its cloth cover, she wasn't entirely convinced.

"...yes. I took the bus."

"Lovely weather we're having, isn't it?" The three of them exchanged a look while Lockwood firmly tucked the book in. The grey skies peeking through the curtains looked hardly lovely. George finally caved, glaring at Lockwood.

"We were just finalising our plan for next week's case."

"I used to draw up mission plans for my team at Fittes. Maybe I could -"

"I think we're fine." Lockwood crossed his arms, his expression unnaturally surly and his jaw set in a way that gave her a sinking feeling. George threw the book at him, who only barely managed to catch it at the last second. 

"Told you we should have waited for her."

Unfortunately, matters refused to ease up over the next week. And so she somehow learned to live without him. One morning, she decided to get an early start to the day since she was going to be accompanying Lucy to the DEPRAC headquarters to submit some company paperwork. She paused at the foot of the stairs when she heard a bit of a ruckus in the kitchen, followed by some soft swearing. She crept towards the kitchen to see Lockwood scrambling to gather up an upturned first aid kit while a dark red patch swelled on his socks, still in the same attire as when he left for a solo case the previous evening.

He looked at her furiously, trying to hide his injured ankle behind the kitchen table. He seemed to become further incensed by her helping to set the first aid kit right. "Leave it. I can do it on my own."

"I'm only trying to help! Don't look at me like that, you got yourself hurt in the first place."

He spoke emphatically through gritted teeth. "I don't need your help."

"Lockwood, your sock is nearly soaked through with blood. So shut up."

Maybe the blood loss was starting to catch up to him, but for once, Lockwood did as he was told. He certainly wasn't happy about it, but he allowed her to peel back his sock and wince at the sight of the wound. As she cleaned and dressed the injury, she couldn't help but be reminded of old times when they would snap at each other, her more than him, whenever they were within ten feet of the other. It was almost nostalgic but slightly worrying to be back to square one.

When he could hold himself back no longer, he pried the bandage roll out of her hands with an unexpected gentleness, shakily winding it messily around his ankle. When he was done, she put it away with the first aid kit, and when she returned, his nose was buried in the day's paper, once again as distant as an island.

Soon after that, George and Lucy joined them for breakfast, and George almost immediately picked up on 

"Lucy, George won't leave me alone!"

"Lockwood's a pent-up git that never says what he feels!"

Lucy gave them a sidelong glance. "...right. Y/N, ready to -?"

Eyes watering, she chugged the last of her tea and clambered out of her chair, but Lockwood beat her to it. He folded the newspaper sharply, and straightened from his seat, albeit a tad unsteadily.

"No need. I'll come with you, Luce." She and Lucy exchanged a glance, and she slowly sunk back down into her seat. Lucy took in the ectoplasm on his trainers, his slightly charred shirt and the purple under his eyes.

"Are you sure? You look a little...tired."

"I've been out all night. One more trip isn't going to kill me." He patted Lucy firmly on the shoulder, his grip looking a little painful as he swayed imperceptibly, voice trailing off as he started shuffling towards the door.

His limp was unmistakable now, but the three of them knew better than to question him when he was in a mood like this, with his uneven voice and rough words dangerously close to becoming slurred. "Come now," he was saying, "let's not bother Y/N with Lockwood & Co. matters." His shifty eyes finally settled on her for the first time that morning, but she didn't like the brooding spite behind them. "Not when she has all these important applications to fill out."

The silence that followed prickled uncomfortably. Lucy scoffed and stepped out, Lockwood following her determinedly. There was some muffled argument in the hallway, then the sound of the front door opening and closing, and then silence once more. She stared at the dregs of her tea stonily, hating the way her face burned with shame. When she finally looked up, George had left, but there was a sympathy jammy dodger within reach.

It was getting dangerously close to half an hour in the rain, yet still the heavens beat down on them ruthlessly. They had retired to the front steps just outside the awning, now almost completely drenched. She shuffled her feet nervously, trying to scrounge up some warmth, while the rain flowed down Lockwood's nose freely. He was staring at the rich dark earth at his feet, like he had forgotten where he was, his coat long forgotten. She stood up and jabbed him between the shoulder blades sharply, making him snap his head up.

"It's getting cold. I'm going inside." Lockwood blinked, raindrops decorating an eyelash or two, and nodded after a moment. She sighed impatiently.

"Don't you want to come inside too?"

"...I'm not cold."

"No, but you'll fall sick if you stay out any longer."

He rubbed his face wearily, his back muscles shifting mechanically under his translucent shirt. "I'll be alright."

She bristled instinctively. The raindrops somehow got even louder as they pelted the tin awning. "I'm serious, Lockwood."

"So am I."

"Then come inside before you catch something awful."

"I'll come inside when I want to."

The torrential downpour continued unabated, viciously attacking their home's exterior. The rapping of the raindrops against the tin rung in her ears like anger.

"Why must you be so stubborn?"

He finally looked up to meet her eyes, his own filled with a despair she had rarely seen. "I want to be alone."

It was the night of the big case that Lockwood & Co. had been preparing for for a week now, but two of its three members had come down with the most awful stomach bug she had seen. Apparently, there was something off with Arif's doughnuts that day, and now Lucy and George were down with food poisoning. She was in her room, listening to Lockwood wear down the floorboards outside her room with all his pacing. Finally, he stopped in front of her door, and after a moment, gave a short knock.

"Come in."

He opened the door to reveal a fully decked-out Lockwood extensively decorated with flares and lavender. She raised her eyebrows.

"Wow. That is...wow."

"George and Lucy are down with food poisoning," he began impatiently, "and I could really use an extra pair of eyes." He softened his stance at the critical look in her eye, taking on a more apologetic demeanour. "...please."

"But I don't even know how to use a rapier."

"Not much room for one, anyway. It's a two-room cottage."

She toyed with the idea of saying no. The idea of watching the hope in his eyes flicker out, of watching him go do the job...alone...without anyone's help...without anyone to help him if he got injured, or worse-

"Fine. I'll meet you downstairs in two minutes."

The cab was waiting for them by the time she was hurrying down the stairs, and she flipped through the summarised research report on the way there. She winced at the circled deduction that the Visitor was likely a Fetch, which Lockwood picked up on.

"Is something wrong?"

"...no." With some difficulty, she tore her eyes away from the report and closed the file. In all her years of experience, Fetches were the one Visitor that she still struggled with. It didn't help that her encounters with them had been few and far between. She glanced at Lockwood, who was staring out the window coolly as if barely nonplussed by the anticipation of coming face-to-face with one of the most dangerous Visitor types.

The taxi driver was quite a bit intimidated by Lockwood's superfluous attire, and so refused to go any further than the foot of the hill at the top of which the cottage was located. As they lugged their equipment up the hill, she felt her frustration towards Lockwood swell and swell until it finally reached a breaking point. She dropped the duffel bag she was carrying with a clatter, making Lockwood stop and turn around to face her.

"What's wrong?"

"Why have you been so off lately?"

His features hardened and his jaw set like it had so many times before. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing. Obviously."

He stared at her hard, before dropping his own duffel bag. The tension over the past two weeks had clearly come to a head and it was happening right there on the hill in near-darkness. "I thought we were a team."

"We are."

"Well, it sure as hell doesn't feel like it."

"I just want to be independent."

"No, you don’t. You want to be alone."

“That's not true!” She hesitated. "That's not fair." At that moment, she felt so terribly small and insignificant, in a way she hadn't felt since having a particularly cruel supervisor in her first year of being an agent. Her eyes prickled unpleasantly, and she was suddenly engulfed with memories about that January shower. Oh, no, she thought. He was never going to hold her like that again. 

She shook her head as if trying to shake some sense into herself. "I don't...I don't want to be a burden. I can do this on my own."

"You want to do this on your own."

"How could you possibly think that?"

“All I see is someone too scared to stick their neck out for something real for once in their life."

“What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't think you know what you're running from!"

She looked around in despair as if searching for some way to make him understand. "I'm not running from anything."

He stepped closer to her, and it was all she could manage to not burst into tears with his face twisted something ugly with hurt.

"You're running from me."

I'm not, she wants to say, but the words get caught in her throat. The silence rings out harshly between the two of them until Lockwood picks up his bag and resumes the trek uphill. After a moment or two, she follows him.

When they reach inside, they go through the motions of setting up their chains and investigating the areas of the Visitor's appearance, the way they've done hundreds of times before. Eventually, they split up and pace their corresponding rooms, the malaise growing stronger in the air by the minute.

After an hour or so, she felt it. A prickling in the hairs at the back of her neck. Waves of nausea washed over her and she felt paralysed by fear. She knew that when she turned, she'd be faced with something too terrible to comprehend. But she's too weak to brave seeing something so terrible, and so she doesn't turn. At that moment, she unravelled, and covered her eyes with her hands like a child, gasping with sobs that she struggled to suppress.

Suddenly, the cold breathing down her neck was replaced by intense heat as the hiss of a flare eating through a Visitor filled her ears. She felt rough hands desperately clutching her wrists and peeked through her fingers to meet Lockwood's panic-stricken gaze. Panic-stricken over her. His eyes shifted to the Visitor behind her and lobbed another flare at it in the nick of time. 

She started creeping along the walls, running her hands over every nook and cranny until she came across a picture frame radiating strong feelings of anxiety. She scrambled for the iron still folded in her pocket and threw it over the frame. The Visitor instantly evaporated, leaving Lockwood staring at the corner it had just been occupying with a haunted look in his eyes. When he had regained proper control of his senses, he turned to her.

"I didn't know-"

"I thought I'd be able to manage it, okay?" She avoided his gaze. "I'm sorry. Can we just go h- go back now?"

The ride back was somehow even quieter than the ride there, both of them burdened by thoughts that would clearly never see the light of day. He paused at the hat stand near the front door while she shrugged her coat off.

"Y/N-"

"I think I'll go to bed now. Goodnight, Lockwood."

She cut past him brusquely, heading straight for her room, though it would be many hours before the buzzing in her head quieted enough for her to fall asleep. As she got undressed, her mind drifted back to when Lockwood was standing right in front of her, holding her wrists with a long-forgotten gentleness, and the close shave with the Fetch. Too close of a shave. Tonight could never happen again. She had to make sure of it.

Over the next few days, their relationship returned to being suspiciously amicable. Perhaps it wasn't as glaringly obvious to the others with the distraction of their stomach bug, but George's squint at her when she handed him a glass of water was enough to see that he was onto them.

She had been in the basement polishing their iron chains when Lockwood knocked on the door. She put the chains down for a moment as he pulled out a minimalistic envelope.

"This just came for you in the mail."

It had the address of one of the agencies she had applied to written on it. She nervously ripped it open and started scanning the contents before she remembered where she was. She looked at Lockwood, who had a cool expression of polite curiosity.

"So? Did you get it?"

"They want me to start next week." Lockwood's lips curved into a half-smile, and it was the first smile he'd given her in weeks that reached his eyes.

"That's...that's amazing. You deserve it. That is, if you're going to accept it."

"It's a rather decent offer. Think it would be quite a shame to pass it up. Don't you?"

He gave a slight pause. "Of course. Yes."

"...but?"

He shook his head and gave a short laugh. "It's...it's silly." He was staring at a patch of grease on the floor which he was very focused on rubbing out with his shoe. "I've known you for...for as long as Lockwood & Co.'s been around." He looked up from the floor to meet her gaze, his eyes open and honest. 

"I don't know if I can do this without you."

She looks into his flighty brown eyes and drinks in as much as she can of him. Next week, she'll be in a different town, at a new job, meeting new people until he becomes just a distant memory, some dream she had once upon a time, and she'd be freed from her shackles of longing. But now, in his eyes she sees the two of them spinning round and round, forever together in a January shower in some universe.

"I should start packing."

Her goodbyes were fairly uneventful. They exchanged promises to write, to keep in touch. Lucy and George waved her off from their front door. Lockwood didn't come down from his room. Now she was in her new home, miles away from any feelings that may have tethered her from Portland Row, and all that was left to do was sit and wait and try to forget.

Except. Except.

Here she was, lying on her bed with an all too familiar weight on her chest. Those feelings she had promised to bury with the winter daffodils were here - travelled miles to plague her mind with restless thoughts of which nothing could ever come. How was it that all this distance only made her crave Lockwood even more? He stained her mind and hung from her lips like a broken promise, like an unheard prayer. It was there when she woke up, it was there when she went to sleep, it laid next to her and embraced her like a lover till she couldn't breathe.

Three months later, she still hasn't moved on and has almost entirely given up on any hope for sleep. She replays her memories of him like a tired VCR, and every night the image grows fainter and fainter. What, exactly, did his voice sound like? Did he have dimples? He had a scar on his collarbone, she was fairly sure. But how did he get it? She waits for the sky to light up for those few short hours after her work for the day, but be it day or night, the sadness remains.

For years she had been so strong, so tough, so ready to do anything and to do it alone. Too independent to even work properly with his agency. But after meeting Lockwood, it all felt like a farce, like she had just been pretending and hoping and closing her eyes through as many horrors as she could handle until she finally reached her breaking point. Something had snapped in her soul - some ill-gotten desire to fasten herself to him from the moment she had kissed him after Winkman's. To have him be her home.

Even so, she still had a job to do, so she carried these feelings around with her. There was this one particular case where her team was tasked by the city council to clear out an old, abandoned mansion of any Visitors. She had been creeping through the third floor when she saw him standing there, in the shard of moonlight peeking through the rafters. Lockwood was standing mere feet in front of her, sleeves rolled up to his elbows without his coat, whole and uninjured.

"Lockwood!" She closed the distance between them. "What are you doing here?"

He turned to face her, smiling mildly as if she had done nothing more than greet her. Y/N, he was saying. His voice reverberated differently than what she was used to, but she put it down to the weird acoustics of the mansion. 

Why did you leave me?

"...what?"

Why did you go away? You've made me sick with worry.

"I...I have?"

Day in, day out, you're all I think about.

"No...no, that can't be right. That's me, not you."

Are you sure? Think harder. What do you remember about me?

"I don't know, I don't know. Why are you doing this, Lockwood?" Something was very, very wrong. What was he of all people doing here, and why weren't his lips moving when he talked?

How can you be so in love with me if you can't even remember me?

I do! I do remember you! Please don't say I don't.

Why'd you leave me, Y/N?

"Wha...what? I didn't - no - I didn't mean to leave you-"

I wanted you to stay.

"Then you should have TOLD ME!"

But I did tell you.

It still hadn't fully clicked in her brain, but she gleaned enough to tell that this wasn't Lockwood. Some obscene bastardisation of him, perhaps, but nothing of any real substance. She walked back a few steps, keeping her eyes trained on him, and against her better judgement threw a flare at him. It hit the centre of his chest, which began to fizzle up and corrode away at the figment until there was nothing left but the dying embers reflected in her misty eyes. He had looked...so solid. So real. Real enough for her to believe. Oh god, how badly she wanted to believe.

That night, she had barely pulled off much of her excess gear before slumping into bed, which she did not leave for the next three days. Obviously, that hadn't been Lockwood, it was a Fetch. But it only had her memories to work off of. What was it that had happened that made her feel like he had told her to stay? She drove herself mad picking apart every interaction she had had with him since she was 13. What did she miss? Where was the mistake?

Maybe she was just hoping for a mistake.

I miss you. I wish you were here - not miles away in London, here, beside me. I wish it was you lodged in my chest instead of this acrid longing. I'm the one who can't do this without you. Please come back to me. I'm so tired of being strong. Please come save me. I need you here. I wish you were here. I wish you were here. I wish you were here.

TAGLIST: @mitskiswift99 @dangelnleif @elenianag080 @snoopyluver20 @ell0ra-br3kk3r @avdiobliss @ahead-fullofdreams @neewtmas @mischivana @houseoftwistedspirits

P.S. until I changed my mind at the very last minute this WAS going to have a happy ending I wrote it out and everything but then deleted and Grammarly won't let me ctrl z my way out of this :(((

[knizuu]

Talk to me abt uhhh anything- Fang, Petey, OC, idc. ANYTHING U WANT💖💖

PLEASE IM GENUINELY INTERESTED IM NOT DOING THIS JUST CUS U LET ME- /gen

I get so nervous writing asks wtf

DUDE IM SO DUCKING HAPPY +omg same </33

COUGH well imma go in order lets go with the

FANG🫧….

SIGHH I LOVE HIM SM. tbh I see how people react to the recent idw miniseries which left the Hooligan fans really sour </33 to me, though, it wasn’t too bad?? I see how it works and honestly the only sad part to me is WHY DID HOOLIGANS BREAK UP AUH but im so used to “sonic canon ew” so like-I should’ve expected that sigh. So I can reason with how excited people headcannon/draw/make whatever of the guy it’s really cool since we all kinda agree? Like even with such a variety we all take the guy lovingly <33 which is sweet :> like its pretty chill-WHCIH IS FUNNY because Im actually really scared in small communities <- i made a post bout it once i-I EAT UP ANY FAN MADE FANG CONTENT FR i love all fangs really [so far] ^ ^ tbh even my school knows that-I did pottery of him, drawn him, spoke of him, my teacher saw a drawing of Fang I did and HE QUOTE: I was looking for that [SIR I GET IT IM PREDICATABLE/silly]

PETEY💠

Ok as much as heartfelt I feel about Fang-Petey is just some other freak of nature my family knows. I’m NOT EVEN JOKING-MY MOM SANG ABOUT HIM WHILE MAKING LUNCH/GEN GEN GEN-cough. Idk why but ever since my brother [the first dog man fan obviously] inserted dog man into my family [by 1. SHOWING MY FANART/BOOKS TO MUM 2. LETTING ME SING THE MUSICAL ALL DAY LON-/positive fs] its been insane/sILLY because-who expected everyone to say “Papa Petey” [i do NOT know how some typo made mo-ok my mom has a Petey problem/sILY AGAIN] in the car-at home…NOT ME THATS WHO. WHY IS PETEY SUCH A NORMAL THING IN MY HOUSEHOLD/positive sigh

OC🌸

OKK well they are ALMOST a wasteland but I have an original story to bring some ocs to life ^ ^ [including-sigh vague mention-the space dog lady and red haired lady ocs i have :3] ESSENTALLY: I’m calling it Brink of Bryony!! [Bryony is about a flower but in plot idk a city??] it’s just a human loser [red haired lady MAYBE] meeting alien folk [Cordella is there…i showed her ONCE] like my self insert hehe [Norolist] because OH NO beeg mister evil guy wants to take over Earth and this NICE alien people gonna protect it! That’s the entire thing, very unserious lmao. Pyrexavul is my precious <33 I don’t think I shared him?? I’ll share em all sometime hehe im too lazy LMAO. So yes yes I’ve been into making that story recently :> !!

ANYTHING🦐

OK SO my Luxury AU has been MANIFESTING MOI cuz i decided: why yes I WILL make a fic bout it!! Yknow just remaking the lore[cough this means me rewriting the first book of DogMan] and putting some stuff into one work ^ ^’ SO FAR I’m really getting into the vibes but what’s crazy is how I turned what I THOUGHT was oughta be a comedy-to a tragedy. No like I KNOW IM GONNA WRITE CUTE STUFF I WILL I JUST-….also might’ve included grief, addiction, ETC I dont even know how I got there 🙂‍↔️but it’s been fun! Especially since it makes me go down a nice study check with me lmao [I’ve been learning the medical field, laws, how media handles stuff, types of _, etc] hehe rubbing my hands together imma be so happy to write it all hehe and with that I’m learning about my characters a lot better! I thought of it more one noted because its a good start but now im actually learning more bout em :0 !! Love reworking stuff, redesigning, it’s been a huge part of me since idk when ^ ^’

COUGHHHH i think that all works out!! TYSM FOR ASKING I CANNOT EXPRESS THE WHIMSY I FEEL RN <33

[hinamie]

hi hina! in terms of your art, what would say is your strength(s) and what is your weakness?

!!!! omg ily mariam you're always so good at asking rly thoughtful questions that make me take a step back n Ponder,, tbh im not sure if this is just a Me thing or if every artist experiences this but i feel like my main strengths/weaknesses in my art are just reflective of the strengths/weaknesses i have in all areas of my life .., i am not going to unpack that too much tho smile :)

strength(s)

a bitch is Persistent !!! when I decide to learn how to do something i put in 200% to learning it and learning it Well . ths how i got good at drawing a lot of the things im told i'm "good" at --i did it with hands i did it with torso anatomy i did it with clothing ,, i did it with yuuji's gd hair,, the list goes on !! also i think this is maybe related to why i love making character reference sheets ? granted they take forever and i hate it while i'm in it but at the end of the day i am a proud character sheet Advocate. if u ever want to really hammer something into ur brain .. character sheets.... angles......just sayin ! shit works.......

character design listen i dont want to sing my own praises too much but character design rly is one of my favourite kinds of art to do and i think . im maybe a bit good at it.,, idk,... :3 fr though I put so much time and effort in2 the research and ref compiling and it takes Hours on pinterest and 543254 open tabs but finally getting to put the pieces all together to make something cohesive makes all the pain worth it . whether it's for an oc or an existing character i love designing outfits or alternate forms that Tell u something abt the character i love translating personality into clothing choices and silhouettes and colours and hiding little defining Traits and !!! idk i just have so much fun :'> it reminds me why i love art

weakness(es)

kind of the dark side of persistence, a bitch is Stubborn and Resistant to Change (not just an Artist Flaw(tm) but also a recurring Character Flaw i need to work on gsfdhjfsgd) . I find i don't know how to easily break habits or push myself outside of what's Worked for me in the past, even if i know that other, better ways exist ,,. like I joke abt working harder not smarter and complaining about it but that's not even a joke that's just what I do because I'm too afraid of being Bad at something or trying something and having it not work so I just stick to what I know :( smh if comfort zones r meant to b left why r they comfortable.......

perspective/rooms/dynamic poses,, look ik im microdosing on these rn but a lot of it is still so HARD ,, improvement jail.... :( unique poses r starting to come easier with reference but rooms i hate u . how do u make objects look like they are in a scene and not on it . how to give objects Weight ????? i dont get it...

[scoonsalicious]

Mother Pookie has fed her kitties well🩷🩷. There’s so many emotions idk which one i should talk about first?😭😂

BUT DANG chap 2.2 is just HOT

I am actually speechless😂 I have nothing to say except I am satisfied.

ITS SO GOOD OMG POOKIE? WHAT R U DOING TO ME? WHATT?!!😫😫

Lemme say, It didn’t take me long to hate Lilian. Like I swear, the moment she fucking said that Major looks like a SKANK gurl, fuck u.

My first impression on Major was like how Bucky saw her, a hot pretty dame that made me giggle like a teenager, making heart eyes and singing the whole world to my dick (if i have a dick)

And then throughout the chp, oh my goodness, I would’ve slap Leah the moment she starts bitching up. Major has a dang ass patience. I couldn’t.

THE THINGS I WOULD DO TO VOTE FOR BUCKYBABY TO BREAK HER HEART IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE (so far she’s 35% in my ‘dead’ list, better fix ur attitude if u don wanna end up like cunthage — ITS JUST BEEN 2 CHP?!)

Lindsay rubs the ick on me more than Jade (ofc Jade is worse but she dead now) but cuntly is so so so so so so so so so irritating. The absolute pick me, so called ‘one of the guys’. Ew. Even half of the team is irked by her attitude. That just says a lot.

Glad that our queen Major put her in her place. She needs more. Like, absolute humiliation (disclaimer: i dont support bullying but LILIAN FUCKING NEEDS IT)

And can we appreciate Wanda simping over Thor?😂 (you are not alone, i also dream of licking his abs — mhmmm)

Bucky and Major are purrrfect for each other. Its giving love at first sight 👀. Bucky simps hard. Like so hard. I can wait for more Bucky X Major scene (fluff,sexay — mayyybeeeee angst? i just love hurt myself)

Also, iMajor and Tony r absolutely gonna be ‘rich business badass besties’ and then them + Sam (Wanda and Nat at the back) roasting Leah. Oh what a beautiful dream~

Anyways, beautiful beautiful writing indeed. Waiting to see Bucky sexay POV next😂 Unleash the power of your blue balls. Also I can’t wait to read what your master brain had planned🌚. Love you Pookie🩷🩷🩷

PS// these past few days I was scrolling tumblr, searching for new Bucky fics/updates and honestly… I MISSED YOUU!!! I CANNOT STRESSED THAT ENOUGH!!! 😭 seeing your username the first thing when i opened tumblr made my night! i was planning on listening to songs, dwelling on my loneliness and delulu but LOOK AT ME NOW, ITS 4AM GOSH. THANK U POOKIE LOVE U HAVE A GREAT DAY

POOKIE! <3

Actual footage of me coming up to love on your comments:

I'm so glad people are enjoying 2.2! I gotta be real, I usually don't get hot and bothered when it comes time write smut, but that section? Whoa, boy... that section had me like:

(Yes, this is my second favorite gif of all time, and I will use Blanche to express my hot and bothered-ness whenever I can, lol)

I gotta tell you right now, the phrase "making heart eyes and singing the whole world to my dick (if i have a dick)" is now the highlight of my week, so I thank you for this. It's pure literary magic <3

Major is used to taking shit from peons; she was a woman in the military, after all, lol, which is why she's able to not let Lily phase her too much. Her patience will be tested, though. Where Cunthrage was just flat out unhinged, Lizard is more... selfishly insidious? Just, you know, she's not going to be kidnapping people and snapping their arms or murderously rampaging through Hydra bases or anything. (The stakes here are much, much lower, lol. Which, I guess, is going to prep us for Unbroken, where the stakes will be... Thanos-sized, lol.) I think what makes Lily feel worse, to me, is that she's far more realistic than Jade was. Like, I know girls like Lily irl; thankfully, never met a Jade (phew!). Much like Killgrave, to me, is the scariest Marvel villain, because I've encountered so many men like him in the real world.

The things I dream of doing to Thor would probably get me put on a list if he was a real person and not a fictional character, lol. Unless I'm doing AUs, I tend to stick with canon-pairings, but there is something about the idea of Wanda/Thor that I currently find very appealing, so hopefully, we will see something happen between the two of them. I think they would be adorable. And for some reason known only to my maker, I love making Wanda a little bit horny, lol. In fact, an earlier draft of Unwanted had Pocket referring to her as the Sokovian Horndog after she made some comments about Bucky's body, lol.

Is it weird that I don't plan on having Tony be too involved in this fic, because I feel like giving him a friendship with Major is like him cheating on his friendship with Pocket? That makes no sense whatsoever, lol, but I'm so protective of my girl. I'm like "Yeah, Major, I'll let you fuck Pocket's boyfriend, Bucky, but YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH HER PSUEDO-BROTHER TONY BECAUSE HE IS HERS!"

Bucky's got some sexy POV in the next sextion (see what I did there? lol) but there's going to be so much more smut in this one than Unwanted. It just feels right, lol.

[writinandcrying]

2007 TMNT Movie Review

ok so i watched 2007 movie for the first time (ive read about it and seen some scenes, but never watched the whole thing) anyways finally got a hold of myself and watched it! Specially bc of 3 reasons

1- i need to cuz to fr wtf

2- bc of a certain match up 👀 @melancholysway

3- aaaand I wanted to visualize better a 10 part scenario COF COF @melancholysway hi babe

i decided to write down my comments (i usually dont comment on movies but me and jas talked SO MUCH about it i wanted to do this lmao) basically if you have seen the film (and love it like a certain someone) you will be able to recognize the scenes from the my comments without detailed description, TW spoilers if you havent watched it!

Leo’s voice is HOT. mmhhmmOHMYGOD

Raph's movements and bike scenes are so smooth I love it

“sir im not playing hard to get this is not that kind of phoneline” ON A CHILDRENS MOVIE???????? KHBADKNJLJ

Donnie with his huge ass googles he’s so cute

APRIL???? SHORT HAIR APRIL?? CHANNEL APRIL??? SUIT APRIL??? Move aside Casey im down on one knee

I love the entrance to the lair, also I love when tmnt versions mix like subway stations with he sewers you know? Gives a perception that it isn’t so gloomy where they live and all

“I can’t even sleep without the sound of the subway rumbling above my head, i guess that’s what you get when you grow up on a house full of brothers” soft king we love to see it

Leo jumping out of a plane - AGAIN - like on the bayverse movies, every version he’s an adrenaline rookie istg

Raph diving on the elevator was fucking badass ngtl

SPLINTER SINGING WHILE 1 SECOND AGO THEY WERE ALL BEEFING LMAO PEAK SIBLING REP

Leo mispronouncing nightwatcher like a 40 y/o

Thinking out loud here I kinda wanted to know how they defeated The Shredder tho 

im gonna be honest...... besides rottmnt April..... i dont usually dig her, i always thinks theres some spice laking to her character, (bayverse included, sorry Megan Fox my queen) idk it feels the writers always go for miss perfect with her which doesn't give the character some interesting characteristics besides being "the perfect girl who's also the only one in the group" its lazy writing and it pisses me off. but this April??? i kinda like it! and her 2 LIL BUNS WHILE SHES TRAINING JDNJLA SHES SO CUTE

- “WHAT WAS THAT?” ”did I mention we ran into a monster last night’?” “oh you forgot buddy, did you also forget I only have a WODEN BAT?” im loving this Casey lmao 

“And now we got walking statues??? You got a plan for those?””hey those are a first for me too” WHO WROTE THIS MOVIE

Thinking out loud here part 2 the comeback - Like the only thing I miss is a more mature mikey I think? Everyone sort of grew up and have more mature lines, and he still on the "Yo dude” teenage phase, like idk if feels they all are in their mid/late 20s and Mikey still a 16 y/o :/ I wish writers would give him more development, or more clever lines? like clever pun lines if he's gonna be the comedy relief. anyways the only show I’ve seen doing more than just "dumb funny guy"for mikey is rottmnt 

Warn me next time, I got allergies - Casey I love you fr 

I wish they kept the birthday cake scene cuz the interaction with donnie, splinter aaaand Mikey is priceless

April and Casey apartment tho oh my 

Leo didnt even tell April or Casey that he came back????? bro??

THE DRAMAAAAAA with Raph and Leo omg seriously its like me and my sister but 10 times worse lmao

I love the background music is like… so early 2000s teens movie fhnsjdinaouji I know its an early 2000s teen movie but the music they be listening in the radio IS like.. something you would listen to in “she's the man” soundtrack and it makes it more realistic to the era it was made u feel 

*Makes passive aggressive comment about Raph*” “ok Leo whatever you say no one was talking about him” it goes b u s t e d you are busted

ABSOLUTELY LOVE when the movie starts playing badass music with radio police talking in the background and raph turns to the camera like its the office and simply says “they are playing my song”

Raph being done that Leo first idea when meeting the night watcher was to give him a lecture LMAO

I hate that Leo won the fight but the “good night dark prince” took me ujnnaojnjkl shut up Leonardo oh my god u r annoying *tucks hair*

*un-tucks hair* Bro I SWEAR I hate when Leo on any tmnt say they are better than Raph SHUT UP OH MY GOD

“Dont do this raph” “im done taking orders” PRESIDENTIAL ALERT THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING 10 bucks on Raph 

MY MAN BROKE THE GODDAMN KATANAS YEEEEES RAPHAEEEEEL

*raphs eyes soften after winning* and it was in this moment, he knew he fucked up

*runs away crying after fucking up an argument due angry issues*

Shut up Master Splinter speech to Raph made me emotional 

THE AMOUNT OF FOOT SOLDIERS THEY ARE FIGHTING ON THE PATIO THING 

April and Karai fighting (2 seconds) more culturally significant than the whole renaissance

Mikey and Casey having a special high five and APRIL PINCHING HIS ASS AAAAAAAAAAAA

“I presume this is the vortex for another dimension””cool. I want one” relatable 

Karai helping them - once again im in one knee

Leo did NOT say come to daddy oh my god that’s actually embarrassing

April driving poorly while arguing with Casey and karai + foot soldier in the back barely moving like its their emo children being forced into a family road trip gives me so much joy 

aaaaaand the movie is over! honestly there were some parts i didnt see it coming and udsjnounsoa like the little things they got away with it while being a children movie is surprising, sucks they couldnt make the other 3 movies :(

if you read all of this, first of all thank you and this for you:

[thesimulacrasimp]

So yeah, here we go again! I just watched 3rd n 4th eps of hazbin hotel so, again, my thoghts abt it. Idk if i really need to put spoilers warning anymore, but ig ill do it just in case. As with previous post there will be some screenshots.

HAZBIN HOTEL EP 3-4 SPOILERS WARNING!

So tbh i dont have much to say about 3rd ep. Overall it was a really cute ep where everyone kinda got along. Also we met alot of new overlords (that one giant wolf girl was cool as hell) n got a few bop songs. I really like all new voices we got here. Also Velvette was killin in this ep, like slay queen!! Also i didnt know this girl (idk her name srry) was Carmillas (idk if spelled the name correctly--) daughter, that really suprised me.

Ok 4th ep... I have alot to say about it. First of all when that Angels moive started i was like: WTH S GOIN ON WHAT????? Then i thoght that its Angels dream (or nightmare-) n that wolf guy was representation of Valentino. N then when its all started i was like: Oh. I get it.

Speaking about Val, when all that fire started n he opened his wings, that was FUCKING BEAUTIFUL N I REALLY DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO HAVE ACTUAL WINGS, I WAS LIKE: :O I FOR REAL ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A FUR COAT--- ok n thats literally the only good i can say about Val by now.

That one awful scene with Val n Angel was literally so scary... Ive never been in SA, ive never had such "experience" (and thank GOD for that), but i know that feeling of fear when you just in trap and you cant do anything, i know how that feels to be abused, when you just hiding in corner feeling so fucking scared that you gonna get beated up n yelled again, you KNOW that will happen and you just wait for it in terrify, you literally feel yourself like a little child who cant do anything, you want to share your problems to someone, just wanna cry to someone, but you cant and you need to pretend that everything is okay. I was so scared for Angel in that scene and i really felt it. And the way Angel tried to make Charlie leave before that all happened.. Yes, he definetly knew whats gonna happen n thats so scary...

Anyway OMG VOX HIIII!!!!!! :DDDD

BTW THE FACT THAT HES HOLDING VALS HAND LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO KISS IT----- THIS SHIP IS TAKING OVER MY BRAIN PLS SEND HELP

Yeah, yknow what really strange thing about all that? Is the fact that Val s obviously a horrible person consindering all the things he done to Angel, but he is still an ENJOYABLE CHARACTER. Like- ofc that awful abusive scene was not enjoyable at all, but for some reason i just cant hate him!! I TRY BUT I JUST CANT N THATS SO WEIRD. probably its because i know its not a real person, its just a character but still-

Also (someone pls count how many times i used this word-) i really didnt expect to see an ACTUAL SEX SCENES IN THE SONG. Ig i shouldve expect it n i kinda did, but i still didnt-

Also this little scene made me fucking cry, for real. But not the fact that Angel crying made me cry, but his line: "If i end up broken, I wont be his favourite toy anymore. And maybe he'll let me go.."

I dont know why this exact line made me cry, but it did and i think this is awesome, because they really made me care for Angel, even tho, again, ive never experienced such feelings so i cant relate to that, but i still feel so bad for him.

Ok can we talk about that Husk was AN OVERLORD??? I WAS LIKE: WHAAAAATT????

And OF COURSE that one Husk n Angels song. You already know how i feel about it so im not even gonna talk bout it! SIKE‼️I WILL!!!!! THIS SONG IS SO FRICKIN CUTE, THE FACT THAT HUSK STARTED TO JOKINGLY (or maybe not jokingly-) SAYING THAT ANGEL IS A LOSER TO BRIGHT HIM UP IS ACTUALLY SO SMART! THEYRE BOTH SO CUTE TOGETHER SINGING AND HOLDING HANDS FOR A LITTLE TOO MUCH!!! AND THIS SONG IS MUSICALLY ALSO SO AMAZING, ITS LITERALLY MY STYLE OF SONGS, MAYBE MY NEW FAV SONG I CANT REALLY TELL RN! And the meaning of this song is really good too. Whatever is happening to you, unless youre not alone, everything is better!

Andddd everything is ended quite good and wholesome! They came to the hotel, Charlie apoligized and everything is good!!

soooo yeah! Thats it i guess! Im pretty sure im gonna edit it if i remember something else i wanted to say, but thats it by now!

My review/thoughts on eps 1-2

My review/thoughts on eps 5-6

My review/thoughts on eps 7-8

[molthethratrenerd]

my gender

This is gonna be a long rant abt my gender so you do have to read it. I just need to say it.

Ok so ive been question my gender/sexuality for like 3-4 years now and i this was kinda it

Oh i'm a bi girl -> im pan girl -> lesbian -> pan she/they still a girl but queerer

Then like i was more worried about trying to figure out my sexuality right cause like i wanted to be kissed before my 16th (that didn't happen) 

Then like maybe mid 2022 i started thinking about gender and i knew 2 trans people but i was kinda like no that can't be me flashforward to march 2023 i got in to will wood and i was like ‘no way i'm in anyway trans but if i could be him i would’ and i like said to myself that i just thought he was attractive?? Then the same thing happened with the character jesse st james from glee which was even weird because there was no way i would want to date him, so thats when she/they pronouns came in i put it in my bio. Then kids from my class found out and made fun of it so i changed em back to she/her. 

Then since like september last year it feels like minimum weekly i’d either not be able to stop thinking abt gender or take way too many ‘what's my gender quizzes’ 

And like i feel its alway been in the day of my head, but its becoming more prevalent since then ive been like could i be non binary, genderfluid pintrest boards. At the beginning of the year i cut my hair again, which felt so good,.

So now somedays im having thoughts like ‘oh my fucking god why cant i drink something and be a guy’ ‘please for fucks sake’ though im nor sure id like to be a man im not 100% sure im a girl (im moving further from that). But like if there was like a magical thing i could drink do idk that would turn every inch into like robert smith between 1983-2004 id do it so quickly omg. 

And like it kinda hurts that i'm not idk (and ive never felt this for any girl celebrities)

And i kinda think they are also there those thoughts but some days theyre less i thinks thats just cus im distracting myself though i dont know i could be fluid. 

But i dont want to be any guy like the men in my family most of them are big i cant think of a better word then buffheads more so my dad but i could just not want to be like them i dont have a good relationship 

I dont think i HATE being a girl- i don't love it i like some parts but i dont think its things exclusive to girls say cause gender norms n stuff. 

I dont know if i have dysphoria because that fluctuates but im vision impaired so if i dont try and look at my body i forget some of it exists i really dont like my boobs or how clothes sit on my body think i like okay with having a cups (that i could easly hide if i wanted to  i dont but that cause also be cause by the pain they cause me.

My waist i like but only because that's the part of my body thats skinnest like my body was less shapely but that skinny id be elated.

But especially o the days i think abt it more but also all the time i do wish for more masc features eg adams apple more angular face bigger hands etc etc.Voices of weird one because my voice is in mezzo soprano range my speaking voice however in chest voice is kinda low  but I was self-conscious about it growing up because it made me stand out in different even though really it wasn't I think I just thought people were staring at me for no reason.  I think I only like my voice when I'm singing when I'm acting because I can imagine myself playing characters who aren't me but idk but if it was lower like high baritone or tenor id be like so fucking happy.

And like i Kind of want to try dressing differently but I can't because a I don't want my family to know certain pieces of clothing would be mens Not that they have a problem with it I'm assuming they could though but they probably just want to talk about it and I would not but also like  I remember one time I was at the shop called Factorie  and I wanted to get the Black Parade t-shirt but it was a mens shirt  and my god the amount of anxiety I had and the amount of people that I felt were staring at me I almost had a panic attack. 

And like I feel like if I ever did do anything about gender irl  I'd run away from everyone I know and cut of connections again not because I feel like they'd be bad about it but just I've built this thing around myself so long and I don't think I could even my queer friends like i dont know  my parents I'd feel like I'd be letting them down, and like 

But also so much for my childhood makes sense

Like when I was about 8 I got eczema for the first time and my first thought was ‘oh im turning into a boy… shit what am I gonna tell my parents’  which I don't even know why my brain made that jump but i hated my boobs sometimes more then others Once they got past a certain size,  when I had a pixie cut and a couple people in the street would mistake me for a boy felt exposed ‘like shh don't tell’ 

But I was also such a girly todder/ child  from like ages four Tube8 I would pride myself on being the girlest girl never wearing pants  because I kind of think it was trying to win that competition but I don't know         

I don't think anybody read this whole thing but if you did help me out or don't I don't care but I just needed to vent this 

m

[celestie0]

Girl look this is gonna sound like a love confession bc maybe it is idk I’m obsessed with ur braincells in another life your definitely one of my best pookies 😔🫶

Like the way I FELL in love with kickoff was so uncalled for bc what business do I have being this invested in an athlete frat college au when I’m generally all for the domestic angsty husband wifey shit anyway now idk how to cope when it’s finished so pls take my hand in marriage and we can have pillow talk abt them 💍❤️ thank you.

genuinely ur writing is chefs kiss though 👌 (let me kiss ur hands 😗) and I love love love that u actually seem to have real knowledge on what u write about like the soccer games and the all the camera stuff it gives the story sm more substance

anyway penny for my thoughts 🤧 ?

This fanart on TikTok: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSYaQwJQo

ok so basically when I first started reading the fic and I was talking to my friend abt all the frat shenanigans (WHICH I LOVE BTW IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS FRAT BOY TROPE NOW) we both related it to this one fanart: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSYaCy7aX/

which then made a lot of sense bc it’s literally meant to be satosugu as frats (AAAAHHH 😫)

anyway so then I went on the account and discovered that first link right bc getos seggsy ass was the focus in the other one

and I just thought it was so fitting like the face is a bit off bc I think the darling artist is clearly a fellow geto girlie butttt the fit and stuff like yk how the insufferable man child was wearing fucking HO-HO glasses in the first chapter yeahh anyway hope u see it too and Imma do the good deed of passing word your fic onto the TikTok artist

forgot I was meant to be dot pointing

y/n

does anyone actually insert their name ? Idk I never have lol

love her

she usually ends up being my favourite character bc duh she’s girliepop

I struggle sm to read books bc like character names and stuff can throw me off so I prefer to dabble in GOOD fanfics every now and then (aka your masterpiece) or just indulge in smut when I’m ovulating 🙂‍↕️

ignore that

ummm so yeah I find books hard to get into since they start on a blank canvas and since I’m already obsessed with our marvellous blue eyed baby daddy fanfics are ideal cause they just build over that

anyway back to y/n I don’t actually remember what I was gonna say shes just bae

The slow burn holy shit especially the bed chapter like I kept going back and forth who’s gonna make a move only to fall asleep all bricked up at 2 AM 🥲

so well done

one random fav scene of mine is when he takes out the digimon credit card idk ur ideas and the way u write movement in scenes it just clicks for me

I like my shit my way. It’s all in my brain right these angst chronicles and I kinda just wanna see it written out bc I’m a lazy bitch and I cannot commit so I usually opt for like one shots or what not idk like “when he makes you cry” or “ when you use the safe word with them ft gojo, geto, toji” you know the gist of it

I have certain ideas in my head that I don’t like to compromise especially regarding y/n ig because I am her allegedly

but bro 😓

the way I folded for you omg 🙏

this deserves a list if it’s own lol but btw putting this out there I dont even except u to read through this shit I’m just in a yapping state of mind and I’ve come this far so ._. :

My first major red flag was the jeans

not my style okay I’d live my life in pretty little empire waistline lingerie night gowns if I could

First thought was “what in the white girl” butttt then my brain went “it’s giving Lana del Rey like when she was younger and was always seen by paparazzi just in a white tee and blue jeans + that one concert she did wearing jorts and a cute white top with hoop earring, chewing gum and smoking while singing summer time sadness like the absolute icon she is”

and bam I can fw it now 🤝

her hight is one thing I differ on tho cause I’m short so I blur my vision whenever u mention any kind of height or size related comparison with gojo bc ik it’s not accurate to me especially with that tree of a man and I want my moments too 😔

Shoko

I just don’t see her like that okay she’s so above gojos lanky ass in canon verse

but thennn as always u came through with the descriptionsss 🔥

the denim skirt

the sorority glitter cheeksss

hot.

okay I’m starting to sound 𝓁𝑒𝓈𝒷𝒾𝒶𝓃 my apologies

The age differences

honestly this wasn’t that much if a discrepancy I just found it a bit funny like todo as his homeboy lol

but yuji was so cute and I’m all for dad gojo but you’ve opened my mind to big brother gojo and I don’t see what’s not to like about it

As for the rest of the characters

Loved yuji as the bouncer (I didn’t know what that even was, again love how u actually know what u write about)

and also just that tiny crumb of megs when readers taking pictures, I can totally picture him as a soccer player

nanami was so odd to imagine but I settled on teen nanami with the emo hair and such

Choso

I just love chosos existence in this fic thanks for that 😌

OKAYYYYY this length of yap sesh should land me in a psych ward I spent a good hour and a half on this I’d say

but yes it’s due time I professed my ever growing admiration for you (💍 🔪)

I will check out if you’ve given fic recs but again I’m into the marriage pregnancy type shi and I do love me a good college au now more than ever so if u may 🤲

jk ‼️I DONT EXPECT YOU TO REPLY TO ANY OF THIS IM A BIG FAN REGARDLESS‼️

cannot wait for the next chapter (can he please dick us down hard already your edge game is something else 🫠)

xoxo 💋

OH WOW FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THIS ASK?? i appreciate the love for kickoff sm :”) even though it’s not something you usually read!! and yes 💯 to that fanart

haha i actually know close to nothing about soccer. i just ask chatgpt a bunch of questions about it when i write 🤣 but i know a tiny bit ab film photography cuz one of my close friends studied film in college :) i’m so happy those aspects stick out to you!!

HAHA pls the whole bed scene in ch8 was a lot of fun to write. i just love domestic lil convos between two people, and the lil digimon scene made me emotional to write bc it reminded me of how nerdy canon gojo is LOL (i miss him sm)

i’m glad you like yn too!! tbh she’s the center focus of the story in my eyes haha gojo is just a side character 💀 and wymmm my girlie is SHORT too 🤣 well idk how short you’re talking haha but in my head she’s 5’4 cuz that’s how tall i am lol

thank you sm for interacting so deeply with my silly lil story 😭💕 sorry if i didnt respond to all aspects of your ask but i read it all and was cheesing so hard plskdjdhd. so glad you’re looking forward to more!! also haha i saw your follow up ask too and YES gojo as a cat dad wasn’t something on my kickoff bingo card but alas here we are 🤣 much love from me 💕

alsooo i do have another series called “in holy matriphony” that is a fake marriage au gojo x reader :0 just mentioning that since you said you’re in the domestic marriage sorts of stuff. it’s kind of a silly n crack fic vibes tho LOL maybe not the serious angsty stuff but it’ll have angst for sure too :”) just if you’re interested bb!! <3

[bizlybebo]

<SPOILERS FOR APOTHEOSIS EPISODE 2>

THEY START IN A TAVERN LMAOOO

Rumi is on the stage oh it's greattt!!!!

Rumi- "You! Do you know how to play the viola?" POINTS A FUCKING PETER

DONT PEER PRESSURE THIS WET RAG OF A MAN INTO PLAYING AN INSTRUMENT ON STAGE

RUMI STOP BULLYING HIM XD

"I'm sorry I don't know why he did this" Stop apologising.

Nevermind maybe do apologise that was awful

Don't sing hot cross buns over his narration

Rumi STOP dragging this poor boy around!

Oh yeah I get what you mean, he is sobbing over a surface level compliment

"I'm sorry noone has ever asked me that" YOUR NAME????"

I have visions of you" that does not have the implications you think it does (retrospect, that was probably intentional)

I can't imagine the players are anything except entirely baffled by Peter

I love Peter he's such A dork

I love Rumi he's so cool

"I was more like a meat puppet in sort of a play of destruction" boyyyy

Rumi is bestieeee he's great

"We just joined hands" SIR

"I have litterally never done anything"

"This is the best day ever" You sopping wet tissue paper boy

I THINK RUMI IS GETTING LIKE FOLLOWERS TO GET POWER TO HELP PEOPLE THATS SO COOL!!!!!

PETER YOU ELDRICH DIVINE HORROR

ANGELIC LIZARD OMG <<<3333

"I run into a tree" Charlie stop physically abusing your characters they deserve better

"Goddamit you're a murderer"

"Stand behind me"

"No stand behind me"

"No stand behind me"

"No I'll protect you"

"I would like to sense anything holy"Just both of Them

Peter Sqloint, the most holy man

Oh shit PvP

TASHAS HIDEOUS LAUGHTER TO MAKE HIM LAUGH LMAO

"You can't just magically make me laugh" He litterally can though

Peter for being Peer Pressured

"Rumi this guy kinda sucks :<"

"I steal his viola and play hot cross buns"

I am suffering /pos

Hes so genuine

All of the other JRWI characters take note, THIS IS how you do a speech

Peter: 🧍

As the nothing moves across the nothing XD

LIZARD 💜💜💜💜

Peter be like: not me, actually my super cool all powerful OC

"You look super aggressive sometimes please don't kill me, I'll die, I'll just die

Summons sword epically and musically

SUNNYYYY AAAAAAAAJSHSHSHD 💜

Exandroth my beloathed

"Peter is GONE" well bring him back maybe?Archangel sounds are the worst

"Don't lecture me on morals"

"THERES A WOLF ON MY LEGGGG >M<"

"YES PETER YOUR BLOOD IS NOW SPIDERS""

Your [blah blah blah] will be your end/downfall/undoing"

Okay so it's not just me right? Rumi is incredibly Gay

Woughhhhh

Lizard Log

(These are gonna take a while because Tumblr eats the formatting from my notes app, also if there are random words that cut off a sentence and don't make sense, autocorrect is a bitch)

RAGHHHHH RUMII AND PETERRRR I LOVE TJEMMMM THEY WERE SO <3333 FROM THEE STARTTT

i can’t wait to watch peters development because you can already see how he’s getting stronger + more confident in himself even by episode 6 aughuguguh. going from crying when rumi asks him his name to bashfully accepting compliments who cheered (me)

rumi is SO gay. i aspire to be like him he’s so fucking gender. but also a suave motherfucker i hate them so much. i want to shake them like a maraca and hear them go shkshkshkshk

RRRGGHH JUST THE. THE EBERYTHING AND THE WAY THANATOS GOT IJTRODUCED TO THE PARTY I LOVE TJEM SOO MUCHH AUGGH

rumis so fucking graceful even in combat it makes me angry. who let this asshole be so perfect

if peter doesn’t get his lizard log by the end of apotheosis then it’s all for nothing istg

[honeybee-taskforce]

1x08 Rewatch Thoughts and Feelings

I decided on chicken so we're multitasking even more

-SNAAAAKE ITS A SNAAAKE OH MY GOD ITS A SNAAAAKE ITS A BADG- okay done aging myself now

-I would pee myself if all these snakes happened to me holy hell, like snakes are cool from a distance!!

-"HELL NO! Let's go!" attaboy juddy

-Why did he throw the extinguisher at the snakes lmfao did i miss something or

-Hey irissss! She's so pretty omg

-Carlos is such a good frieeeeend ahhhh

-i clowned the vague ending of last episode but i completely missed how fucked this truck was??

-Owen's deflection with humor has been around the entire time huh. I guess I sped ran the series my first watch and missed that detail

-BUTTERCUUUUUPPP IS COMINGGGG

-ITS BUTTERCUP THE STAR HE IS HEY HI HELLO CUTIEPATOOTIE

-oh damn i forgot how cold TK is about Buttercup form the getgo

-THE NERD WITH THE SWORD OH MAN I FORGOT ABOUT THIS

-He reminds me of the guy from Community I genuinely thought that it was the same actor the first time I watched this

-GET WITH IT TIM AND NANCY

-pikaCHUUU

-i mean... sorry TK i think it's funny too

-I want a big smelly dog like Buttercup too ugh

-Michelle making them play every single phone call i respect it!!

-Lyndsy is such a good actress and really nails the subtleties of her character sooooo well.

-TK is a grumpy grumpy pants

-bro let the dog love you!! this isn't related to anything else at all!! this isn't something you could look at through a different lens regarding someone else who wants to love TK at this point at all!!!!!

-I CANT FALL IN LOVE WITH ONE MORE THING I KNOW IM GONNA LOSE DAD..... ow. ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow

-i knew that was coming but godDAMN

-tk has his puppy buddy now and i'm so glad nothing bad happens for the rest of the episode!! everything is totally fine!!

-They did this entire house sequence sooooo nicely i remember first watch being surprised by everything happening and LOVING IT!!

-Grace handled this so well I love when we get emergencies that highlight her part of the process so much

-watching Carlos pull up to this scene knowing what happens ha haaaaa hope he left before it gets worse!!

-hmmmm im gonna jsut go ahead and say that he did NOT leave!!

-these dramatic ass writers making us all go through a "I dont want to lose anything else i love" then having THE ONE WHO SAID IT GET SHOT LATER!!! UGH!!! props. it was good. i was shocked as hell the first watch

-At least they didn't repeat the sets for the comas as funny as that could've been

-carlos baby don't worry this isn't even the worst coma he gets into!! which is... great!

-liv has suuuuuuuch a good singing voice ugh

-carlos just has all these big feelings he wants this boy to let him feel but there isn't anything he can do but sit there WITH HIS THUMB UNDER THE SLEEVE ALL INTIMATE AND SHIT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

almost at the end... damn. I forgot how hooked I was with this show from the start it's been so long since I watched these, this rewatch is fun as hell!!

[razzmothazz]

okay, but what fob songs and lines for what characters, I want to know also, for autism reasons lmao.

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED BUT ALSO I DONT WANNA GO TOO DEEP CAUSE I COULD TALK ABT IT FOR HOURS AAAA

i could take reqs for certains songs cause i have thoughts on nearly all of them, but im gonna ramble rn about how i feel so much (for) stardust [album, not the song specifically] is so vbs to me actually...

starting off strong with love from the other side

THIS IS SO AN TO ME !!! especially after her learning about how everyone hid the passing of someone SO important to her away for three god damn years.

this part is kinda self explanatory i feel? especially "what would you trade the pain for", refering to the pain of losing her role model of sorts of course. someone she looked up to so much and held in such high regard and she didnt even know theyve been gone.. she makes me SOB

this part refering to her feeling like the whole "city" [vivid street] pretty much lied to her and deceived her, everything feels wrong and off now. its not the same home it was before.

the feeling in this case would obviously be grief, anger and so many others tbh, she lets the feelings out and uses music as an outlet of sorts for it ?? not sure how to explain what i mean [im writing this at 3am sorry] the feelings are so overwhelming i dont think she could fight them if she wanted to, but why would you want to fight such justified feelings ?? i feel SO bad for her omg

this part works for all of vbs, but i feel like it especially applies to akito and an, obviously referencing surpassing rad weekend and how difficult it is considering their constant feeling of inferiority, with akitos being a pretty extreme case of it.

also just feels to me like something akito would actually say/sing

also haha funny hampster refering to kohane /j

i dont have words that can describe this line other than just imagine an singing it with the context of what i said before. that is all.

OFF TO HEARTBREAK FEELS SO GOOD

this is just very vbs to me, its easy to apply their stories and themes to these verses. they will surpass radweekend someday. they can do it, and they can do it together and go even further after, hopefully.

the pre-chorus reminded me of akitos situation with older musicians, how they mocked him etc. which at first obviously made him feel horrible, but he learned from that and now he alone is even better than some of them, and with all of vbs at his side hes even better.

dont have as much for this one, so moving on to

HOLD ME LIKE A GRUDGE

one word. AKITOYA.

cmon now. you see the vision.

this is SO akito talking to toya, how he motivates him to do better and better and helps him up any time he feels down.

they are soulmates, no matter how you look at it!! but theres also akito being a bit of a menace as well as often feeling like hes dragging toya down, yet despite that he wants to stay with him. akito doesnt want to do this without toya, and the feeling is obviously mutual [im actually so insane about them. they are SO important to me not even as a romantic couple just 2 guys meant to be together as partners UEUEUUEUEUEUEEE]

after all the hardships theyre still going strong, some dreams were crushed along the way but their main goal is always there.

the pressure bit makes me think about how each of them feels somewhat inferior to the others, [they need therapy istg] which makes them want to constantly keep pushing themselves to do better and better, and to keep going and going. they have what it takes, they just need to work to perfect it. they know they will do it but they still have a lot to figure out, obviously. they get a bit lost and stuck at times trying to get to their desired level but they will surpass rad weekend. someday.

OKAY IM GONNA STOP HERE BUT I COULD GO ON AND ON AAAAAAAAA I LOVE ASSOCIATING MUSIC I LOVE WITH CHARACTERS I LOVE!!!!!!

< 3333333333

[emisirrelevant]

WE ARE THE TIGERS WEEK DAY 7/ REUNION DAY

AHHHHHHHHH

HAPPY REUNION DAY MY FELLOW TIGERS/GILES COREY STUDENTS.

I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE LIVESTREAM AND OMG IT WAS AMAZING.

SO AS MY POST FOR THE LAST DAY OF WATT WEEK, ENJOY MY NOTES I WROTE DURING THE LIVESTREAM:

Preston starting things off! Hello icon and legend!

YESSS GO CAROLINE!!!

MAJOR SHOUTOUT TO CAROLINE LELLOUCHE AND LEANNA (I didn't get her last name I'm sorry) FOR COVERING PARTS

COVERING FOR LIKE 4 songs 

APPRECIATE YOUR SWINGS 

AHHHH CHESS AND KATE

JENNY AND CELESTE ARE BACK I MISSED THEM

HAHAHAAA Kaitlyn holding the phone when she calls Farrah 

AWWWW ZOE AS FARRAH

GOD I MISSED THEM ALL

SHE'S GOT THE FARRAH BRAIDS

AHHHH “sure Riley, what could go wrong?” 

awww Caroline changing the way "welcome everyone" is said

OK WE'RE ON DON'T EVEN

BUT I DON'T EVEN CARE I DONT CARE

JENNY AND CELESTE YESSS

“Chords for Christ” HAHAA

“Is co-captain a thing now?” Iconic line +1

“It’s not nepotism it’s called friendship” Iconic line +2

WOAHHH A LITTLE LYRIC CHANGE? (I didn't get the words down I'm sorry but maybe someone else will remember)

SCRELTING!!

Oh god it’s Skype tomorrow time

OHHH THE WAY JENNY AND CELESTE TOTALLY GET INTO THE CHARACTERS

OH GOD BEFORE THE BREAKDOWN

CELESTE AND ZOE VOCALS!!!

OH GOD EVERYONE SINGING NOW

THE BEAUTIFUL HARMONIES 

UH THE ZOOM IN ON THE LAST LINE KNOWING WHAT HAPPENS TO CHESS AND FARRAH

“Unfortunately after that Chess is murdered” HAHA Preston narrating in between

RIP Chess now it’s abstinence song time

YESSS KAITLYN SINGGGGG

YESSS CLARK SPOTLIGHT TIME

The man has entered the plot

FOREVER FOREVER-

"or however long it takes" lol love that lil line from Clark

Their voices are great together

Awww they must have had a lot of fun singing this one together again

HHHHH

A SURPRISE?

YES PRESTON BEING REESE!

YOU CAN CHANGE THE KEY FOR TRANS ACTORS!!! (said by Preston himself, ICON!)

Ohhh Preston singing this gives it such a deep meaning and it’s so good in every way

CAROLINE NO IMMA CRY (Y'all she started crying doing the dialogue when Riley says when you're a Tiger, your team won't let you fall, anyone who breaks that promise breaks us, and then everyone in the chat got EMO)

OMG THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL

CAROLINE DID SO WELL

THEN FARRAHS SONG AFTER THAT OMG

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

BUT YES ZOE BEAUTIFUL VOCALS AS ALWAYS

OMG WALLFLOWERRRRR

Omg Wonu and Caroline did so good

The VOCALS AND RUNS

THEM GETTING HYPE IN THE END AWW

Omg DEFENSE TIME

defense, defense 

AWW LOL WONU COVERING HER LIL LYRIC SLIP AHAHA

Wonu I love you 

A national treasure

TIGER PRIDE ALWAYS

TAMPER WITH A MURDER SCENE

YESSS WONU!!! SCRELT

LEANNA AS MATTIE YESSS

I LOVE ITTTT

YESSS VOCALSSS

HAHAHA SOMEONE SAYING "SHUT THE FUCK UP"

LEANNA DID SO WELL SINGING MATTIE'S LAMENT

Oh god here we go 

“Not my usual reaction to homicide” haha Wonu as Cairo I will always love you

“Welcome back everyone” while like 3 people have died

OH GOD MOVE ON IS AFTER PHOENIX IM NOT READY

OH GOD NOOO

My heart

Kaitlyn and Jenny their voices together

UGH THE HARMONY ON "don't let go" 

ALWAYS GETS ME

AHH THE HUG AT THE END (Kaitlyn, Jenny and Celeste all hugging it out but Zoe completely missing it haha)

YESSSS SYDNEY 

SHUT UP AND CHEER TIME

AHH HER KEEPING THE GROWL ON "SHIT"

LOVE IT

SYDNEY VOCALS

EVA SANCHEZ I LOVE YOU

OMG HERE WE GO 

Haha the lines in IDK

so good 

WONU SINGING SEE YOU ALL IN HELL is my religion

YESS CAROLINE DOING THE BREAKDOWN

AHHH THE C-C-C-CUT EM

Amazing.

HHH MOVE ON REPRISE???

WE LOVE A LITTLE BIT

HHHH

OMG THE FINALE

NO NOT ALREADY

IM EMO

IM ACTUALLY SO EMO

THIS! SONG!

WE ARE THE TIGERS GO!!

Ugh seeing everyone up there singing together again MY HEART

OMG AND A LIL ENCORE

SINGING A CUT SONG OOH

EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE HER

OKAY BANGER

AS EXPECTED

YESSS VOCALS

OOH FARRAH AND CAIRO HARMONIZING

THE MOTIF OF "We are the soul of the school" COMING BACK IN THIS SONG TOOO???

OMggggg I wish it didn't end

That was amazing

So WORTH the livestream ticket

Ahhhh I love this musical

WATT my beloved, you will always be loved by me.

[tainsan]

YES I DEF THINK THAT TOO!! im just rlly bad at spelling and meant jongho might just use ur name/a shortened ver 😞 yeosang would DEF use ur name but like in the nerdiest way im sorry. hes just a little dorky if that makes sense! i 🫶🏻 nerds tho

on the contrary wooyoung would use the cringiest nicknames ever whether ur there or not. 'my little sugarplum cupcake' 'my honey booboo bear' hed start saying into recipes atp like 'my 1/4 cup of sugar with five large marshmallows!!' thanks man. how sweet!

IM SOO EXCITED!! i need fluff rn these past few chapters have hit me like a train and i am SICK and TIRED of their shenanigans. just kiss it out! i will not sue promise maybe just scream a little 🤗 this fic has everything i love AND an amazing incredible spectacular funny kind author

yeah its not terrible until you have to do it ☹️ its a workout esp when ppl keep messing up 👿👿👿 i think im the side kick here tbh! us against the world though 🤞🏻(and misfit atz. ik yk what theyre gonna do and how theyll improve but IIII dont so until then.. they better sleep with one eye open)

hopefully ur mental health is good or i will uh. fight ur brain! 🤺 and i hope ur inside and safe now 🫶🏻🫶🏻

ok thats my super duper long message for now 😎 thank u for listening and sorry for the wall of text. i WILL be back🐺

-🦝

ME TOO I’m terrible at spelling bc I’m dyslexic😭 auto correct and grammarly are my saviours omg

OKAY I feel like Jongho would be too shy to call you a nickname at the start of the relationship but when he gets fully comfortable he will use babe and baby. Yeosang is such a nerd I love him. I have a thing for nerdy boys (seonghwa and Yeosang have me in a chokehold) (everytime I see seonghwa geek over Star Wars and Lego I will go feral)

NO BC YOU HAVE A POINT😭😭 wooyoung would 100% be using all the cringey weird petnames UNIRONICALLY. Bro woukd come up to you and be like “what’s up my pookie bear” dead serious and won’t understand why you are laughing at the name💀 LDKAOAOA 1/4 CUP OF SUGAR HAD ME ON THE FLOOR. But cupcake and muffin are defo gonna stick bc he thinks you’re the sweetest person alive!!!!

The past few chapters have been HEAVY and I’m so happy to be finally releasing some chapters which I know everyone has been waiting for😭. YOURE FLATTERING ME STOP ILY I’m happy you like the story and also me 🥹

I can’t understand :(( when I was in high school we did Matilda the musical and I was one of the kids in the back 😭😭 my teachers loved the fact that I have a history in gymnastics so they made me flip around and do tricks off a mini trampoline. And OMG THE LEAD FOR MATILDA WAS SO BAD IT WASNT EVEN FUNNY idk who casted but she couldn’t sing or dance or act😭 we did so so so many retakes and every retake I had to be flipping around and I was so done by the end of it

We can both me main characters 🤭 us against the world bae🫶 yeah yeah I have no idea what they are going to do we are both in the blind….🤫

I’d love for you to fight my brain it’s a mess but I’m improving slowly. the last few months have been super super tough for me so I hope that I will get out of this period. But I’ll be fine !!!

NEVER APOLOGISE FOR RANTINGGG

You better be back 🐺AWOOOO

[themostnormalguyontheinternet]

ok so far colorado has been very interesting. i went to this party in my halloween costume (as jesse pinkman) and there was another jesse and jane!!!!!! we spent all night talking and omg it was so fun like my friend and her roommates dont smoke cigs but they did!!!! and then me and the other jesse bonded over both being on antipsychotics <3333333 like obsessed. and then i asked the guy on aux to play we are never ever getting back together and HE DID and then i started jamming and rocking out (cuz i was crossed) and then like 5 other people started singing loudly with me!!!!!!! and EVERYONE at the party was so chill and fun to talk to and really liked me!!!!! and the jane i met gave me like 5 cigarettes and was from ALASKA and let me talk tragically abt my ex and said she WANTED to hear my sob story. it was so cute!!!!!! and also i got really high at the party and started talking to my friends boyfriend about math and started seeing through space and time. it was pretty dope. but then sadly my best friend and her roommates are big introverts so we had to cut the night short :( (even though i wanted to stay for the costume contest bc everyone said my pinkman costume was spot on) we had to leave because im not from here so being at that party alone wouldve been dangerous) BUT THE PEOPLE I MET THERE??? OH MAN!! THEY SAID I SHOULD COME TO THEIR UNIVERSITY AND GO THERE!!!!!! it was so nice being liked :) but uh. unfortunately. my friend (who came to visit)'s roommates do NOT seem to like me. and i keep fishing for compliments that i look like a guy (as a transmasc will often do) and they keep being like "oh the beard doesnt look real" "i dont look at people as men or women" like ok no need to get philosophical just tell me i look like a guy. just lie. like how hard is that. who does that hurt. i think i also drink more than these guys do. and im a little bit more fucked up than these guys. but i think the people at that party were my kinda fucked up. but my best friends roommates arent very chill like theyre kinda uptight. and i spilled soda on their coffee table and got their shit sticky and like. theyre real clean people. they haven't mentioned it yet but i have a feeling they are Not Going To Be Pleased With Me. like im just sitting here and this bitch starts sweeping. i wouldn't sweep unless u payed me. like i dont mind mess. i think it gives a place character. but yeah it was nice being liked at that party but im spending most of this weekend with these two girls that seem less than pleased with my performance this weekend. although another positive is ive been high this entire weekend. ok sorry i rambled. im pretty high rn

[altruistic-meme]

I’ve been stalking your page ever since finishing the latest chapter of (why is there) joy in this poison and FINALLY SOMEONE WHO IS OBSESSED WITH YR AND AFTG.

It’s funny seeing crossovers between fandoms and I like to keep my blog quiet between my many indulgences and hyperfixations but omg!!! I’ve loved both of these series for so long and to see some one as joyed about them as me is so neat!

in all honesty I came here to gush about your writing, how I really enjoy what you made and continue to make for the aftg universe! the way you write Andrew specifically is so unique and defiently made me re-read his lines and certain chapters because they’re just that GOOD! And to see a relationship between Kevin and Neil that’s so near and dear- is so refreshing- I love how much love they have for each other! And DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE ANDREIL MOMENTS!! Ugh the trust those two already have and continue to show each other in such a short amount of time (truly a feat for sir “walls” Andrew Minyard) has me on the edge of my seat for every and all chapters! And who isn’t a slut for sassy Neil really. That kid could trash talk anyone into the ground and I’d be applauding him the entire time!

Thank you truly for the lovely fic weather you choose to continue it or not, I have been blessed either way and definitely will check out your other fics! I’ve got my eye on I’ve Got You, Brother its seem like such a fantastic concept and you’ve got to love some older brother bonding!

Anyway- sorry for my rambling, just thought I’d come and sing your praises and if you see me lurking in your mentions here and comments on Ao3 from now on, don’t mind me!

hi omg ;;; i hope you know this got neither lost nor ignored, ive just been thinking about it nonstop for the last 2 weeks and have wanted to keep it close and easy to reread so i could cry over it

bc um basically AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ya know?

this is so so so incredibly sweet of you!!!!!! like i said ive reread this so many times in the last 2 weeks bc it's just. i cant form words even now, rereading it to reply.

YES aftg and yr are both SO good and im always glad to find more people who like them both!! (and there are a few of us out there! i am certainly not innocent of convincing more than one of my yr friends to read aftg and i will never apologize 😌) but they are both such big big parts of me now <3

thank you so so much for reading (wit)jitp!!! ;;;;; that fic means so so much to me and i swear to you i have no plans of abandoning it, ive just been kind of hitting walls in writing (though slowly ive been finding cracks, and hopefully i can convince the walls to crumble) but i have too many plans to give up now >:] there's still so much in store. you barely even know Nathaniel's plans 😩

SOBBING AGAIN OVER THE PARAGRAPH HERE BTW i am truly awestruck bc i was so so nervous about writing Andrew bc he's such a hard character for me to understand, and to hear your thoughts on him was so amazing for my self-esteem!! (it is also the easiest way to make me scream and cry, to compliment my characterization, since im almost always worried about it but i digress skdhg)

Kevin and Nathaniel's relationship is also something that i could scream for hours about but let me say it has been AMAZING seeing how many people love their love for each other and i will forever be ecstatic to hear it ;;;; and Andrew and Nathaniel!!! two very traumatized boys finding trust in each other bc they both have the same values and can find common ground (and comfort!) with each other where no one else will. ;;;;

also we stan a sassy Neil, you are SO RIGHT literally who wouldn't be a slut for sassy Neil. he deserves more sass, imho.

also omg thank you for giving my other fics a look, too ;;; I've Got You, Brother is definitely a good choice for some brotherly bonding, that's the main focus of the story after all :] (though im debating some ideas which won't feature Wille at all, we'll see how it goes) i definitely need to work on that one as well >>

you never need to apologize for rambling btw!! i love rambles :D (as you can probably tell bc i also rambled... a lot, whoops) but always feel free to send me asks or messages with any and all of your thoughts <3

thank you so so so so so much for this, and for reading my stories, and for being an amazing person!!

[imhavingdifficulties]

ok but like,,, these songs r fucking bops..

Just Awake- Fear, and Loathing in Las Vegas

Hunting for Your Dreams- GALNERYUS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRcsPmTYkxI 

and this one lol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0