#old order amish

[divinum-pacis]

The Amish Explained

The Amish appear a lot in pop culture, but they're also frequently misrepresented and mythologized. So what do the Amish actually believe and practice?

[spurgie-cousin]

This doesn’t have much to do with fundieblr but idk where else to share it. I ran across either an Amish or Mennonite family while kayaking last week. At first glance I thought they were all just wearing UV sun shirts and I saw the bonnets and straw hats. I had this moment of “huh…I never thought about what they do for fun.”

Lol yea for Amish especially, their communities seem so restrictive that I don't think most people know that they go on fun outings or vacations sometimes. There are actually a few areas of the country that are big Amish/Mennonite vacation destinations and in the summer you'll see hundreds of them around, it's kinda wild. I think New Order Amish are even allowed to fly to get places.

[badjokesbyjeff]

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this, father?”

The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number. and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son…

“Son, go get your mother.”

[hostilemuppet]

NO disrespect but tagging this as tw alcohol is SO funny. THATS your problem with this?

the conversations you overhear in a small town

[princess-of-the-corner]

Got ideas on what could happen if Lila and Zoè were in the same area for any extended period of time, enough for Zoè to express the fact she's American:

Lila pointing out that Rudy Giuliani and others aren't Italians, but Italian-AMERICAN (unless I'm mistaken there's more people of Italian descent in the US than those of French descent, so while most everyone would do it she's statistically more likely to have the chance), they don't even speak the language or do other Italian things (and if they do them, they likely do them wrong). May or may not point out that by her logic she should do like the Amish and use English to refer to the average American, depending on her knowing that trivia.

Related to above, rant on how the goddamn' AMERICAN MAFIA is more likely to remember how actual Italians (or rather Sicilians. There's a difference, and picking up on it is part of being Italian) act.

Rant about American pizza, and how Americans somehow can't get in their heads that the whole point is that pizza eaters of old couldn't afford both bread and plates so made flatbreads that could serve as plates and then be eaten (same goes for pinsa, focaccia, and piada, other Italian flatbreads). Would likely do the same for other American versions of Italian dishes, pizza is just the most likely. Italians tend to be easily angered by American takes on their cooking unless we're making money out of it.

Rant about how weak American coffee is (an Italian Pope literally BAPTIZED COFFEE just to shut up those who wanted to ban the "Infidel" beverage, that's how serious we are about coffee). Marinette may join on this, to everyone's shock.

Gloat on how better Italian healthcare is.

Rant on the Cernis Massacre and how the culprits got away with it because they were active US military and the victims Italian, nevermind they had received orders that would have prevented the event if they had bothered to read and follow them.

oh my god

[follow-up-news]

A woman who was severely injured when a gunman killed five girls and wounded her and four other girls during an attack on their one-room Amish schoolhouse in Pennsylvania has died 18 years later, a funeral director said Thursday. Rosanna S. King, 23, died at her home on Tuesday and a funeral is planned at her home in the farming community of Paradise on Friday, according to an obituary from Furman Home for Funerals in Leola. Funeral director Philip Furman confirmed Thursday she was among those shot at the West Nickel Mines Amish School in October 2006. Charles Carl Roberts IV, a 32-year-old milk truck driver, barricaded himself inside the schoolhouse and let boys and several adults go as he tied up 10 girls and shot them before taking his own life as police closed in. Rosanna King, who belonged to an Old Order Amish Church community, was 6 years old at the time and had been considered the most severely injured survivor. She had been shot in the head and the attack left her unable to talk and needing a tube to be fed. She was dependent on others for personal care and mobility.

[joelwitha22mmhandgun]

Considering you can be a practicing jew and an atheist and the astronomical amount of jews that are either non practicing or the Jewish equivalent of creasters (Cristians who only go to church on Christmas and Easter) "all jews are in a cult" is kinda an impossible position once you actually stare at it for more than 2 seconds

Also like it's one community out of the whole religion that shuns people and scores enough points on the bite model? That's actually a pretty good number tbh. you get maybe 1-2 actual factual cults😅

ngl i’ve experienced more harassment as a jew from antitheist ex evangelicals than i have from christians. i actually feel much safer around the christians in the church choir i work for than i do edgy atheists bc the church choir ladies will give me cookies and hanukkah cards while the edgy atheists will tell my queer trans ass that i’m homophobic and in a cult.

[edoro]

so hey. consider this. “everyone is regular humans in the modern world” au, right.

approximately 13 years ago, a Terrible And Unsolved ‘Accident’ befell Caleb and Evelyn Clawthorne, and their three year old child disappeared without a trace from the scene. the missing persons case is still open, but at this point, pretty much everyone assumes the kid is dead. the most likely suspect is Caleb’s brother Philip, who also disappeared after that night and hasn’t been seen since, and who Evelyn’s family report seemed to have some issues with the happy couple.

fast-forward 13 years, and Hunter is living with his beloved Uncle Philip on a two person commune in the woods of Connecticut. they live in an off-grid cabin where they make their own clothes, grow their own food, keep some livestock, hunt, and endeavor to be as self-sufficient as possible. once or twice a month, he drives into town to pick up supplies they can’t make themselves, like fuel for the generators and whatnot

Uncle Philip has some very particular beliefs about the degeneracy of these corrupt modern times, and releases sermons over YouTube (Hunter maintains the channel) to a small group of followers who send him money in order to buy themselves a place on his commune - you see, when the end times come and the sinners all descend into bloodshed and barbarism, he will make a safe haven for the believers to come together and live in peace and unity

their property adjoins a public park, and when he isn’t busy with chores - so many chores - Hunter likes to go walking along the fenceline, back in the woods where no one can really see him, and watch the Normal People Going About Their Sinful Lives

he starts to recognize some regulars. there’s a girl who often comes out to the woods to exercise or just be by herself. one day, though, she’s not alone - there’s a group of other girls there, and they’re obviously picking on her.

Hunter watches them verbally tear her to shreds and push her around, then finally leave. when they’re gone, she gets up and takes her anger out on a couple of branches nearby - breaking them, swinging them around, etc.

he creeps closer to the fence, clears his throat, and says, “hey, you seem pretty strong. wanna learn how to fight?” (his uncle has taught him hand-to-hand combat so he can be ready to Defend Their Property from The Unworthy when the End Times come)

and this is how he meets Willow, once he convinces her that he isn’t some kind of weird voyeur but that this is like, his yard technically, and he saw what happened and he wants to help

neither of her friends believe her about the boy in the woods who is teaching her how to fight - Gus’s going theory is a head injury, Luz 100% believes that he’s a ghost, neither of them thinks he’s a real boy until Willow drags them out to meet him, at which point they all collectively agree that he may be real but he’s also definitely some kind of weird prepper or like, Amish or something

Hunter, being a deeply isolated and fucked up little guy, is pathetically glad to have made friends and takes every possible opportunity to swing by and meet them and talk, or show them stuff, or join in their games when they invite him. he also, of course, tries to sell them on his uncle’s cult, because he’s been raised in it for most of his life and he is a True Believer

once he gives them his uncle’s YouTube channel, they go from making jokes about him being in a cult among themselves to realizing, oh, he is Legitimately For Real In A Fucking Cult, Yikes, but they’re kids and he seems fine, if a little weird, so what are they going to do?

(they all collectively agree that they are not going to show any of their parents Uncle Philip’s Video Sermons, because none of them are going to be allowed within 100 feet of this kid if they do)

one day, they’re all hanging out when a huge storm breaks suddenly. it’s a nasty one - wind, lightning, pouring rain, and then the tornado sirens start going off. tornadoes aren’t common in Connecticut, but Hunter lives his life by the adage that it’s better to be safe than sorry, so he grabs his new friends and drags them home to the shelter they have, pushes them all downstairs while he goes to help his elderly and frail uncle

so now they’re all just kind of sitting in there. here’s Philip, very surprised that his wayward nephew appeared with three random teenagers. here are Luz, Gus, and Willow, all kind of wondering if they’re ever going to LEAVE this bunker because, wow, there is a Vibe in here for sure.

and here’s Hunter, excitedly pointing out all the features of the bunker, like the beds and the shelves and the kitchenette and bathroom and separate generator from the house and supplies, because he is just so happy to have friends over and very proud of this little doomsday prepper homestead he and his uncle have made together

so from here on out, Hunter’s friendships aren’t quite so under-the-table, because Philip knows about them, but it also means that Philip is checking in on Hunter’s progress with converting his friends and a lot more vigilant about where he is and who he’s with and what sorts of ideas he’s being exposed to

[theeccentricraven]

Favorite OC Poll

Thank you @willtheweaver for the tag here 😊

Rules: List all your main OCs and give a brief description of them. Then create a poll with their names and allow your followers to vote on who their favorite character is.

I provided thumbnails about the 2-3 main characters of four of my WIPs.

The Blood Cleaners

Justin: A sixteen-year-old orphaned boy from the dystopian city of Corpa who spent his whole childhood working as a street cleaner to support his adopted mother and sister. He can be sarcastic, humorous, and motivational, but has a hot temper. He dreams of being a blood cleaner to better support his family and earn respect. He has a mysterious telepathic and telekinetic connection with objects that he tries to keep secret. Selfless as he is, he can be insensitive. He is determined to risk his life for a better future. 

Joselyn: Sixteen-year-old farmer girl who has been abused by her parents her whole life. She wants to be a blood cleaner to escape her parents and earn enough to help her sisters get out, too. She starts out with a lack of confidence, but still determined, brave, independent, and strong willed. She's outspoken on the problems with Corpa's totalitarian government even at the risk of her life. She is sensitive to how others suffer. Love, family, and freedom matter most to her.

Clarice: Sixteen year old girl who has grown up in the Steel Castle, where her parents are part of the Fists - the ruling and governing class of Corpa. Because of her dyslexia, her parents treated her as a failure. She still maintains a positive attitude by finding joy in painting and making paper airplanes. She's insensitive to the feelings of others, though she wants to be kind. She wants to make friends even though her parents bar her away from them out of belief that her incompetence will be a “bad influence”. Her two dreams are to design and build airplanes and to find love. 

Sanctuary Calling

Nari: A fourteen year old girl of Korean descent who grew up in a biodome on Mars in a future where the world government forced humanity to move to space. She's known for being a prodigy, intelligent and talented at handcrafted airplanes. She’s a neat-freak, atheist, impatient, yet respectful to everyone she encounters. She is fed up with her parents who aren’t satisfied with her aerodynamics dreams as they try to sway her to be a doctor. She’s always wanted to experience the real earth, not just by VR simulations. She dreams of going to a prestigious school on a station near Luna, until she sacrifices her dreams to join the rebels who want to allow humanity to return to earth. The only problem is she doesn’t do well without electricity.  

Abraham: A fifteen year old Amish boy who lives in what used to be Ohio. When the World Council ordered humanity to leave earth and live in space, societies consider “primitive” were allowed to stay on earth to be the “caretakers”, including cultures like the Inuits, the Sami, Australian aborigines, African Bushmen, the Bedouin, and the Old Order of the Amish. Abe’s only exposure to the “English” has been whenever representatives of the World Council have visited the Amish for annual inspections. Abe is shy and quiet, but a hard worker. He enjoys time with family and friends along with his hobbies of hunting and softball. He dreams of seeing space and the worlds of the English. 

The Keeper of Maralla

Juva: A fourteen year old farmgirl who lives in the town of Sarika in the nation of Lurisika, where people adore the fairies and respect the sacredness of the Enchanted Lands. Juva is part of a collection of clans who have sworn oaths to protect their country. She enjoys life on the farm, though she’s gone through depression after the death of her mother. She is shy, quiet, socially awkward, and trapped in her shell, yet she has a fervent heart

Maralla: A girl estimated to be about fourteen years old, though she has no memory of her former life. She was found standing in a fairy ring after supposedly spending centuries in the Faeryland. She is bubbly, chirpy, kind, and positive, though frail and passive. She sings beautifully, often sharing secret messages in lyrics. She tells funny jokes. She tries to be a healer and protector, though she doesn’t quite know her limits. She has some self-righteous tendencies. 

Jorem: A sixteen year old boy well skilled in necromancy. He grew up in Lendona, a war torn nation who see Lurisika as an enemy ready to be conquered. Because of the loss of his family, he can be bitter and abrasive, though he’s highly intelligent, sarcastic, and full of integrity (believe it or not!). He loves everything black and related to the dark arts. He hates the Lendonian government, inspiring him to join with the rebels trying to lead a coup. Nothing matters more to him than his garden of flora used for his potions. He makes it clear that you don’t want to mess with him. 

Columbus Day

Julie: The fifteen-year-old daughter of a senator of Oregon, she’s close to her Latina roots. She watches her world panic when alien technology is discovered on earth. She tries to keep a positive outlook as she plans for a future working at an aquarium. She loves to goof off with her high school friends and older brothers. She loves the Beatles and Chuck Berry. She’s laid back and down to earth, though she has a tendency to believe she is always right. She’s a fighter for justice and civil rights. She dreams of world peace.

Tsicatam: An extraterrestrial male, his age would be the equivalent of fifteen human years. He is a Proserim, a four-limbed race with a pair of wings. He’s playful, energetic, and curious. He has pride issues and insensitivity to the feelings of others, not to mention a little spoiled by his parents. He wants nothing more than to find adventure and a new life. In his homeworld, he had few friends because many considered his father to be a foolish dreamer. He wants to find a friend among the natives of earth, one he can trust to be a playmate and confidant.    

Tagging (not required): @buffythevampirelover @rickie-the-storyteller @winterandwords @poethill @rivenantiqnerd @unrepentantcheeseaddict @authorcoledipalo @jay-avian

[spann-stann]

Setting Blurb: The Reserves

It was easy to ship enemy urbanites and POWs out of CorpEmp territory and into the Cordons Sanitaire. But not everyone actively opposed CorpEmp. For every five communities that welcomed the warlords, there was one that was...apathetic. But not hostile. That was the thing. They just didn't want to join, and wanted to be left alone. CorpEmps founding warlords, not wanting a demographic influx of "people pissed at being made CorpEmp subjects" collectively shrugged their shoulders, and said as one "leave 'em be I guess".

Surveyors (armed in case the locals felt like doing more than shooting stern looks) would drive up to these communities, plop down a fence or whatever means of demarcation that was available, and bam! A Reserve was created. The Reserves (CorpEmp's word them) refers to the many, many, many little rural populations centers that are not part of CorpEmp. Unlike the Cordons Sanitaire, which had heavily policed borders, a Reserve only needed a little guard post (and gift shop for tourists) to watch the country road between it and the closest CorpEmp community. Trade and immigration, in and out of the Reserves, is unrestricted (again, these people were never activity opposed to CorpEmp). The closest CorpEmp and the Reserves ever get to diplomatic crises is cross-border brawls at the nearest pub.

Because of CorpEmp's lax security with the Reserves' borders, there are times were malign actors take advantage for their own gain. Some CPC gangbanger looking to make his bones will try setting up a "honest enterprise" within a Reserve. Days later, some Imperial constable will end up finding their body dangling from a telephone pole by the border.

Reserves are very insular (in case you couldn't already tell), contact with the outside world usually depends on if a particular reserve has internet, and how far the nearest non-Reserve is. Cooperation between Reserves is rare, emphasizing their desire to be self-reliant and not involved with the outside world. Cooperation with the Big Three is even rarer, for the exact same emphases. Although littered across CorpEmp territory, Reserves also form on the border between CorpEmp and U.M. territory.

The following is an incomplete list of Reserves in the 29th century:

Amish Countries: The Amish (the term now includes all strains of Mennonite) have continued their policy of remaining separate from the outside world. A few fellowships have taken this to the level of buying old orbital habitats (even building a few of their own).

Anti-Imperial Tribals: Not every member of the New Tribal Movement in pre-WW3 America was as warlike as the Hispano-Gaels. Some tribes decided to ignore the goings-on in Texas, and wall themselves up. A few still exist on the North American continent.

Bunker Dwellers: In some parts of the world, just before WW3 raged, some affluent individuals renovated old bunkers and missile silos to house themselves, families, and friends. A lot of them decided to remain underground after riding out the war and making contact with the many warlords fighting over the remains. Some complexes have become quite expansive by the 2800s, a few became underground arcologies.

Frontiersman: Some people don't like living in the core of human-settled space, and prefer to live on the fringes. Many communities were established in the Outer Solar System after the Big Three staked their many claims in the Inner, and now that all the good real estate inside the Oort is being developed a few expeditions into the Extrasolar territories (and beyond) were planned.

Hiders: There's not a lot to say about these Reserves. As the name (given to them) suggests, these guys just want to be left alone. In order to do so, they cut themselves off completely from the outside world. Hiders have been making moves to the Solar System's Oort Cloud (expect turf wars with the W.C.O.F.).

Leavealones: The bog standard Reserve. Quaint little village, standard of living a century-ish behind CorpEmp's. Usually a dirt country road connecting it to a CorpEmp community.

Nomads: The descendants of traveling folk, Nomads move up and down the many roads of the world. Some rely on horse-drawn carriages, others make do with the latest and greatest RVs. A few affluent Nomad groups own their own private roads. An even fewer number of the most affluent own their own boats to travel from continent to continent.

Peregrini: "Dwellers around", this Reserve takes the form of an enclave within an urban environ. Usually a walled-off, gated city block.

Prims: Sure, Reserves can be considered luddite by the other (technological) factions, but Prims take it to extremes. Eschewing technology altogether, Prims desire to return to state they only refer to as "monke". Uncontacted peoples, under the jurisdiction of the Green Consensus, are often erroneously placed in this category.

San Marino: Somehow, this small republic inside the Italian Peninsula not only survived the Third World War, but also the Warlords' Wars and creation of CorpEmp. When asked why it was never integrated into the West Latin Macrocommunity, locals just shrug their shoulders and say (in their own language) "I dunno".

Schismatics: Despite being a pro-religious empire, not many religious communities are pro-CorpEmp. Fundamentalist Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, Sedevacantists, Orthodox Old Believers, and that's just from the Christian family of faiths. Islamic, Hindu, Buddhist, Shinto, Animist, Scientologist (and other UFO-cults), and other religious schismatics dot the Earth (and the rest of the Solar System).

Spelunkers: These guys are a variant of Bunker Dwellers. What's different from Bunker Dwellers is that Spelunkers (as the name suggests) went to live inside complex cave systems. A bit like Hiders, in that they really want to be left alone.

Steaders: Steaders decided, once the technology was good enough, to strike out on their own on the open seas. Steader Reserves can vary in size, from single family platforms to a whole neighborhood floating on the ocean's surface. Or on the ocean floor.

Survivalists: Hiders, but packing heat. Wait. More heat than Hiders. These guys are playing the long game, waiting out in wherever they hunker down until another cataclysmic conflict destroys the Big Three. Then, them and their vision for humanity will become dominant. Given the recent discovery of multiple objects blueshifitng to the Solar System, they're beginning to be quite popular.

[amishmennoman]

I had read that the Amish give their young people a time of “Herumspringen” [jumping around] in which they can enter mainstream society and do whatever they want. They can then decide whether they want to continue living as Amish according to the rules or remain in ordinary society. Surprisingly, despite the strict rules, the vast majority still prefer to continue living as Amish. Is that true? What can you tell me about that?

In Pennsylvania Deitsch the word is Rumspringa. It really gets blown out of proportion and misunderstood in the non Amish world. In very conservative Old Order churches it is not even practiced. When a teen decides to join the church and be baptized as an adult, they are allowed to engage more intimately with the non-Amish world. But mostly the practice consist of social singing gatherings on Sunday nights and dating. There are some who get automobiles, wear non Amish clothing, drink & smoke and party. I last read that the percentage of Amish youth who choose to get baptized and stay within the community in which they were raised, is 80%. Some decide to join another less conservative Mennonite or Amish-Mennonite church.

I am not an authority on Anabaptist communities, but do have some knowledge. A book called “Amish Society” by John Hostetler is one of the best sources for information as well as “The Amish” by Nolt, Johnson-Wiener, and Graybill.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

I can't find the post where I said Mennonites were a cult like the Amish, but I remember someone replied with, "Hey, that's not correct" but with a bit more explanation.

Anyway, I can't find the original post to reblog and correct myself, so I just wanna say somewhere that I was wrong about Mennonites shunning and threatening shunning to anyone who is going to leave. It does happen, but it's not absolutely universal the way it is with the Amish, the Mormons, or with the Fundamentalist Christians.

When speaking of cults vs. religions, I think it's very important to double check these things because understanding if someone is going through a cult experience vs. a shitty church experience can be very, very different.

Like, the Catholic church on paper (and on twitter) is just a pile of shitbags. But there's also a lot of Catholics who loudly speak out about fucked up church doctrine and other fucked up church practices. That's not a cult. That's a bad church experience. You get me?

Looking at the wiki article, which is wonderfully detailed, I see the reason I thought all Mennonites practiced excommunication is because I grew up near Old Order Mennonites, who DO practice excommunication. But they are just one of many variations on the practices. Lots of schisms went down over time.

So, I was wrong. Old Order Mennonites? They use excommunication and shunning. Those are cult behaviors. But many Mennonites do NOT do that. It's an important distinction.

[sayhowdycountrycritters]

Was being a gay man in the Amish community a problem?

Are there alot of gay Amish men?

Will you share your coming out story?

The answer to these questions could be rather lengthy and involved, but I’ll try to be concise.

Firstly, I was not raised in a conservative Old Order Amish community. My faith background is Mennonite (Swiss Brethren) & Pentecostal. I do have Amish ancestry as well. But in any of those churches, being homosexual would be an issue. It is taboo, and I have seen in the Amish community, you either leave or stay “ in the closet “ in a kind of “don’t ask , don’t tell” situation.

I have never met any openly gay Amish folk, but do know several gay ex-Amish men and a couple of gay Mennonites. It is my understanding that only the most modern/less conservative Mennonite Church is “gay affirming”. I worked with and still do business with Old Order Amish businesses and as a heteronormative gay man, have never had an issue. Only when asked about my wife or children, does it get a bit awkward for a moment, but Amish bachelors or unmarried women are not unheard of.

My “coming out” was rather tumultuous and traumatic. My life was my family, my church, and school. I do know that I had an attraction to men from an early age of about 5 yrs. of age. I always thought that one day I would meet the girl I was supposed to marry, it would be like getting hit with a lightning bolt, and I would finally feel the way I was supposed to feel sexually toward women.

When I was either 21 or 22 , I was working myself through college, but living at home. A guy I worked with had just gotten out of the Navy, and he invited me to go out. I thought ���Oh boy, I bet he wants to go out and pick up girls’! But he came out to me , I told him I had thoughts about sex with men , and he pretty much showed me about gay life and sex.

I lived at home closeted for a couple of years, ( I was the baby in the family and last one to leave home), and had lots of guilt. One day my snooping stepmother found a novel in my room about “coming out”. ( my mother had died when I was 15) . She and my dad confronted me , I admitted that I thought I was gay, there was lots of yelling and crying , and I was basically kicked out, and physically kicked by my stepmother.

Anyway, I was away from my family for about a year, but my sister called and said they wanted me home for the holidays. So I went home and we reconciled with that “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation.

My husband thinks I have some PTSD from my coming out situation and I suppose that’s true as it is for many gay youth from my generation.

I would like to say that I have never lost my faith in Jesus Christ, and consider myself His follower. I had a most wonderful mother for fifteen years and she taught me about Him. About love, patience, empathy, forgiveness, and non-violence.

Sorry, once again I am not brief!

[unhingedwomandiaries]

I'm sitting here, flipping through this vegan manifesto called "How to Argue With a Meat Eater (And Win Every Time)" by Ed Winters, and I can't help but feel like I've stumbled into some bizarro-world PETA fever dream. It's like watching a documentary about the Amish directed by Michael Bay.

I'm only 84 pages deep, and already my brain is doing mental gymnastics that would make Simone Biles dizzy. There's this story about an eight-year-old kid named Dalton, caught in the crossfire of some twisted American farming scheme where children raise animals for slaughter. Picture this: It's D-Day for Dalton's lamb, and the kid's bawling his eyes out. What does his mother do? She whips out her iPhone, snaps a pic of her sobbing son, and broadcasts it to the world like she just won the Terrible Parenting Olympics.

Now, I'm not saying this woman deserves a "Mother of the Year" award, but calling her a Nazi seems like a bit of a stretch. It's more like she's auditioning for a particularly dark episode of "Black Mirror" where social media likes are used as currency.

But here's where it gets really wild. The author, in his infinite wisdom, decides to drop this truth bomb: "The reality is, the people who most often seem to bring up indigenous culture as a defence for animal consumption are white people who are not vegan themselves." It's like he's trying to win Woke Bingo while simultaneously pissing off every anthropologist on the planet.

As a white-passing Native American, I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of cultural Schrödinger's box. Am I appropriating my own culture? Is my DNA having an identity crisis? Maybe I need to consult the spirits of my ancestors... or just order a pizza and call it a day.

At this point, I'm seriously considering using this book as kindling for my next barbecue. But then again, that might release some sort of vegan curse upon my household. So instead, I'll probably just shelve it next to my collection of Chuck Palahniuk novels and hope it doesn't start a literary fight club in the middle of the night.