#okay. trying this again. maybe I won’t let my self doubts get the better of me and delete it again

[totally-here]

Post Gotham war Jason and post GIW Danny scrap

Jason is laying on the ground. He can hear water running to his right and can see his parachute tangled in trees overhead. 

The explosion must have sent him farther away than he hoped. His back hurts from the landing after he disconnected from the parachute. His hands are still shaking from residual adrenaline that in turn makes his throat constrict in fear. 

Fucking Bruce. Of all the things he could’ve done to break their cycle. 

Because that’s what it was, wasn’t it? A never ending cycle of them fighting over morality, making up, then fighting again without any real progress being made. The Joker’s still kicking in one way or another, and Jason still doesn’t talk with his family much outside of vigilante activities. 

And now he won’t even be able to go out as Red Hood, because his own fucking adrenaline will immobilise him with fear. 

Jason never should have tried to work with Selina. He’s self-aware enough to admit that. It was stupid, trying to mess up her operation from the inside after realizing just what she was setting up the goon workforce for, even if it wasn’t her intention. She was only letting him work with her to shove it into Bruce’s face, anyway. 

Because that’s all Jason will ever be to them. Batman’s biggest mistake. A Robin turned corpse turned mass murderer. Like he hasn’t been actively not killing people for at least a year now. Hasn’t shot a gun in months. 

And yet here Jason is, trying to tell if his ribs are broken without moving. His ears are ringing faintly from the collision with the meteor and then the explosion at the observatory. 

He ditched his comm to Oracle and the rest of the bats earlier, and the batwing is one with the wreckage now. But there are cameras everywhere in Gotham. They would see he got out, and probably send someone to pick him up. Maybe. 

Jason doesn’t know if he can stomach looking at his family right now. Not when he can still feel the effects of whatever Bruce stuck in him in the back of his throat, in the back of his mind. It’s like he’s been flayed out, all his scars and weaknesses on display. 

“Hey man, you okay?” A man steps into Jason’s vision. Around his age, if not younger. His eyes that verge on the edge of uncannily blue have deep eye bags, like he hasn’t slept in weeks. He looks at Jason like one would a particularly uninteresting bug. Jason shivers.

It takes a few tries for Jason not to swallow his words. As it is, he still slurs on the swear. “Just fucking peachy.” 

The guy raises an eyebrow, looking very doubtful. He looks Jason up and down, then sighs. He rights himself from leaning over and runs a hand through his long black hair with white streaks in it. It’s choppily cut, and not in a tasteful way. It’s like a five year old found scissors for the first time. It’s annoying how it actually works for the guy. 

“I have a first aid kit in my truck, wait here,” He orders, then walks off to the left. Jason turns his head to watch him. There is a small white truck parked to the side of a road that no cars are passing through. The guy opens the back door and digs around, then emerges with a white box. 

He kneels on the grass next to Jason and slowly reaches out to help him sit up, narrating as he does. “I’m gonna lean you against the tree so that I can get a better angle for your forehead.” He does that, and Jason realizes that yeah, his forehead is bleeding. Maybe he snagged it on a branch on the way down, or maybe it was debris. “I’m going to disinfect it, brace for the sting, I guess.” 

It does sting, but Jason doesn’t flinch away. It’s not the exhaustion from the back to back panic attacks that’s calming him. He knows what that exhaustion should feel like, this is not it. As the guy gently washes off the blood from Jason’s forehead with wipes and presses bandaids onto it, he feels like he’s being enveloped in a warm hug. 

“Why do I feel safe with you?” It stumbles out before he can stop it. The guy doesn’t stop inspecting Jason’s arms for cuts to answer. Only when he finds traces of burns to wrap against infection does he say anything. Jason’s too warm for a November night. 

“Well. There are two options. Either you’re concussed, or you’ve died before.” Jason takes in a sharp breath, but the guy doesn’t seem to notice. “Oh, three, I guess. Since it could be both.”

“I don’t feel concussed," Jason says. And he doesn’t. Maybe slightly dehydrated, but his head doesn’t hurt and he’s not nauseous at all. The slight slurring is just because he’s tired, probably. 

The guy hums, leaning back to check his handiwork. There’s bandaids on Jason’s forehead and bandages along his arms. He closes the first-aid kit with a snap and stands to his full height. His face is haloed by the full moon behind him. His eyes reflect in the light. “Guess it’s option two, then. I was leaning towards that, anyway. Once Deads tend to have that effect on me, and you do give off Realms Touched vibes.”

The guy offers a hand, and Jason stares at it for a moment before taking it. It’s like touching an ice cube. “I don’t know what that means.”

The guy pulls him up easily, despite being built like a broad-shouldered twig and at least five inches shorter than Jason. Probably a meta, then. Or maybe magic. The guy lets go of Jason’s hand to run a hand through his hair again. The motion brings attention to the layer of scar tissue around his left eye. Likely scarred over in the past month or so. 

“Yeah, my bad. Should’ve assumed. Um, short version: I have what amounts to a biological need to help peop-” He stops, purses his lips, then starts again. “To help the undead. And that stretches over to you, I guess.”

“And the Realms Touched thing?”

He shrugs, not looking at Jason’s eyes, but up at his hair. At the white streak sticking out against the black. “Let me guess, you had an encounter with some green not-quite-liquid stuff sometime after you died?” Jason nods once, slowly. “Yeah, that’d do it. The green stuff’s from the Infinite Realms, and doing stuff with it kinda marks you for people with an eye for it.”

“People like you?” Jason narrows his eyes, but it really does seem like this guy is telling the truth. That this is just some weird coincidence that the spooky guy (who cannot be local. Jason might have ditched the mask, vest, and gloves, but he still has his padded shirt with his symbol on it. No true Gothamite would dare to approach the Red Hood with medical supplies) just happened to stumble upon Jason. The complete blasé attitude he has toward the pits helps. A League devotee would be more reverent. 

The guy tilts his head to the side, his face scrunching. “Technically, yeah. I meant more, like, formal magic users. I’m… different?”

“What are you, then?” 

“It’s complicated?” As Jason’s unimpressed look, he tries again. “I’m, I’m kinda like a protector spirit and a psychopomp rolled into one? But, a psychopomp that’s not good at their job.”

Jason gets the feeling that that’s the best explanation he’s going to get out of this guy. He’s already shifting away, looking past the trees and at what’s probably Gotham proper.

“So I have a sense for dead things. ‘S actually why I ended up coming through here. Something that felt like a meal was coming here, but now it’s faded.” He points past Jason, and he follows his finger, moving to face the green smoke rising from the observatory, glowing in the night sky. “You know what happened?”

“Big fuckin’ meteor,” Jason mutters. The smoke is dispersing slowly but surely. A news helicopter is already buzzing around the observatory site. 

“Sure, why not?” The guy mutters back. His eyes flick to Jason before jutting a thumb backwards. “Welp, I’m gonna get back on the road. You need me to call someone for you or something?”

Jason thinks about it. He could call someone to pick him up, or check in with Rose. But. That would mean eventually going back into Gotham. Back into the fire. Back into a city that’s being overrun with thieves he had helped support. It’s not shame that stops him, but fear. 

Fear that if he goes back, it will just start the cycle again. That it’ll just take another form, but he’s just going to be stuck fighting. He’s always fighting, has always been fighting. If he goes back and he starts fighting again, it will never stop. Fear lodges into the back of his throat once again and Jason realizes that he might not be able to fight like that anymore. 

And standing outside of Gotham, seeing the smoke coming out of it color the same as the Pits that still haunt him, Jason thinks that maybe fear and fighting are all he has left. 

He wonders what would happen if he let himself lose those, too. 

“Actually, which way are you going?” Jason asks the guy, who squints at him.

“North.” 

“Sounds good.” Jason spins around and walks determinedly towards the guy’s truck. The guy stutters and hurries to catch up to him.

“Wait, what? You’re just gonna… come with me? Are you sure you’re not concussed?” He says, but stops at the driver’s side door and just watches as Jason slides into the passenger seat. 

Jason smiles at him, all teeth. “Come on, Charon. Aren’t psychopomps supposed to lead the dead to their next destination?”

The guy just looks at him for a moment, then opens the driver’s side and slides in. He glares at Jason, but it doesn’t feel like there’s any real dissatisfaction behind it. “You’re not dead now, and I told you I’m bad at my job.”

Jason shrugs and swings his feet onto the dashboard, ignoring the guy’s disgruntled and insulted look. “Then you’ll get some on the job training.”

“I’m on the run from the government. This isn’t going to be a fun adventure, dude.” 

That does make Jason pause. But he also knows the government. “What’d you do?”

He scoffs. “Exist. Fuckers think they’re entitled to my organs. For science, they said.”

A victim, it sounds like. Hell, maybe even a clone. Not likely to be a criminal. Jason shrugs and shimmies more into the seat, making a show of getting more comfortable. The guy frowns, then closes his door. 

“You know what? Fine, guess I’m doing this now. But we gotta set some ground rules for this roadtrip, okay?” He points at Jason with his left hand, leaning over a little in what could have been intimidating if he didn’t look dead on his feet. Jason recognised the faint lichtenberg scarring on his finger. Recently electrocuted, and badly. “First, get your dirty ass boots off of the dash.” Jason obliges. “Thank you. Second, seatbelts stay on. I know how I drive, and it is not good.”

He emphasizes his point by buckling himself in and glaring at Jason until he does the same. 

“Third, um, I don’t have a third one.” He drums his fingers on the steering wheel. “Oh, tell me a name I can call you. Yeah, that’s the third.”

“Jason. What’s yours?” He should have hesitated. All bat protocol for getting into unmasked situations with a stranger determines giving a fake name, and to not even think about anything close to real. But he doesn’t. It doesn’t matter. This guy clearly doesn’t know who Red Hood is, if he doesn’t recognise the symbol, so Jason doubts he’d recognise the first name of Bruce Wayne’s dead son, and then connect the dots. 

“Danny.” Danny starts the truck and pulls back onto the empty road. It must be two or three in the morning at this point. Maybe later. “Hope you have an enhanced ID, ‘cause we’re going to Canada.”

Jason, in fact, does. Not one that has his name on it, and it’s for New York, but the picture looks similar enough.

~~

So the original idea for this was they head to a cabin aunt alicia has in canada, but I got like 2000 words into this then realized i didn't have the motivation to continue, plus i wasn't confident about the characterization (i'll admit i read the gotham war event in a vacuum) so i just scrapped it. But!! I figure i would post it here in case someone else wants to take the idea and run with it :P

[moonstruckme]

Hii! First off, I love your writing!

Could i request poly!marauders x reader who normally is very upbeat/sunshine-y but is feeling down and is really overwhelmed by school (like homwork or exams or smth) and they comfort her and help her study?

Don't worry if you don't wanna do it it is just an idea that popped in my head<3

Thanks for requesting!! Here you go sweetness <3

poly!marauders x (overwhelmed)sunshine!reader ♡ 998 words

“Hi, dovey.” Remus drops a kiss on your head as he comes to perch on the edge of James’ bed. You’re probably the most concentrated he’s ever seen you, lasered in on your homework as James pouts beside you. 

“Hey,” you say, and from anyone else your reply might sound normal, but Remus stops short. There’s none of your usual animation in your voice, no “how’s your day going, handsome?” and no jumping up to wrap your arms around his neck. From his own bed, Sirius shoots Remus a look. He’s noticed, too. 

“How’s your day going?” he asks probingly. 

“Good.” 

Remus nearly flinches, not that your tone is sharp. But it feels limp and lifeless compared to what he’s come to expect from you. He wants desperately to set you right, and from James and Sirius’ distressed expressions they feel much the same, but they’re in uncharted territory. He doesn’t know how to deal with you when you’re not your usual upbeat self. 

Remus decides on a roundabout tactic. “Everything alright, Prongs?”

James looks at him with giant, long-lashed eyes. “Y/N doesn’t want to go on a picnic.” 

Your eyes dart to James momentarily, and Remus thinks something like regret flashes across your face, but then your attention is back on your work. Sirius cocks his head as he watches you, trying to figure you out. Remus hopes he’s doing a better job than he is right now. 

You reach up to pet James’ hair absentmindedly. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, I just don’t have time today.” 

“It’s only going to be nice outside for so long,” James whines. 

Your sigh is deep and tired, and Remus feels like all the air goes out of his lungs with it, a dull ache blossoming in his sternum. “I’m sorry,” you say again. 

“Maybe we can all go tomorrow,” Remus says placatingly, reaching behind you to rub James’ shoulder. You don’t say anything, but he sees doubt and guilt flit in quick succession across your expression. “What’re you working on there, love?”

“Charms.” 

“Isn’t that due today?”

“Mhm.”

“Dove.” He infuses his voice with some sternness, and it works; you look up. “Why are you doing that so last minute?”

Remus is used to everything moving fast when it comes to you. You’re a sprightly thing. You’re there one second, gone the next; your smile sparks to life quicker than he can blink; your kisses are enthusiastic and rapid-fire, little pecks all over his face. But he isn’t expecting it, the way your eyes are looking at him dully, and an instant later they’re full of tears. 

Your voice comes out choked, and Sirius leans forward in his chair almost instinctively, like he’s lunging for you. “I don’t know.” 

“What do you mean, darling?” Remus asks gently, cupping your face. You won’t let yourself lean into it like you usually do, but a tear escapes your eye, racing down your cheek where Remus catches it with his thumb. “Are you having trouble studying?”

“I’m not—” Another tear follows the first, and you swipe at it, shaking your head with a high-pitched laugh. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.” 

“It’s okay,” Sirius says, voice uncharacteristically soft. He looks as pained as Remus feels, at a loss for how you like to be treated when you’re upset. “What’s going on, baby?”

“I just can’t do it all as easily as you guys.” The words seem torn from you, each more scratched and fragile than the last. “I can’t keep up.”

Remus wants to ask again: What do you mean? but he holds his tongue. 

“I don’t get this.” You shove at the paper in front of you as if it will go away. “I’m not good at essays and I can’t keep track of what we’re doing in class. I’ve never had a problem before so I don’t understand why—” you take in a gasping, ragged lungful of air, and the sound tears at Remus’ heartstrings “—why all of a sudden I feel so dumb.” 

“Whoa, hey.” James takes your homework off your lap, pulling you in for a hug. “You’re not dumb, angel. Everyone has trouble keeping up sometimes. It’s a busy time of year, yeah?”

“It is,” Sirius confirms. “Flitwick seems to have forgotten we have other classes, with all he’s been assigning lately. And the potions essay due next week has been kicking my ass.” 

“Mine too,” you say miserably into James’ chest. 

“Is this why you’ve been so quiet lately?” James asks, his hand stroking a path down your spine and back up again. “How long have you been this overwhelmed?”

“I don’t know.” Your sigh is muffled by his shirt. “Since last week, I guess.” 

“Dove, you’ve got to be exhausted.” Remus shakes his head, stunned you’ve let this go on so long and vexed with himself for not realizing. “Take some time to rest. We’ll help you study when you’re ready to start again.” 

You turn around in James’ arms with a sniffle, your eyes red-rimmed but your features a bit less tense than they had been. “Thanks, but you don’t have to. You guys have your own homework, you shouldn’t waste your time helping me with mine.” 

James laughs, giving you a firm shake by the shoulder. “We don’t mind, silly. A lot of it’s the same stuff, we can just talk through it together.”

“Yeah?” you look at him hopefully, and Remus is more relieved than he’ll ever admit when he notices some of the brightness coming back to your expression. 

“Uh, yeah.” Sirius says, the duh implicit. “Honestly, sunshine, if you think any time spent with you is wasted, you’re more sleep-deprived than I thought. To bed with you.” 

You grin, but do as he tells you, laying your head down on James’ pillow. 

“Thanks,” you tell Remus as he lays a throw over you. “I really appreciate the help.” 

Remus smiles at you, his sunny-faced girl restored. “Anytime, dove.”

[alwaysthefool]

Lie To Me (MC/Reader x Sylus)

Tags; Angst to comfort, MC is OOC. Discourse under my post = BLOCK.

Warnings; self doubt, you are sad

You were gazing off into the distance when he asked you to train with him. “Huh?” You didn’t meet his eyes, nodding and getting up before muttering an ‘okay’, walking over to the boxing ring with your head down. It was ordinary for you to be a bit dazed and lost, but this time, there was an obvious grief etched across your face.

You knew he was dying to ask you what was wrong as you wrapped your fists with sports tape, but you also knew he knew you wouldn’t give him a clear response. You stepped into the ring, finally looking up at him, flashing him a polite smile before raising your fists.

“Wrong posture.” He stared deep into your eyes, his expression as much a mystery as yours.

No, it’s not a mystery. The voice in the back of your mind spoke. He’s concerned. Truly, genuinely, concerned. But the logical part of your mind denied it.

You didn’t speak to him for what felt like minutes, until you broke away from his gaze with an ‘Oh’, looking down at your posture. “Uh, what am I doing wrong?”

He didn’t take the opportunity to touch you and fix your posture himself this time, and that made you even sadder. “You need to stand up straighter.” Was he mad at you? But why did it matter if he was mad at you? You were nothing to him, right? He just wanted to resonate with you for power. There was nothing more to it. You were the one foolishly falling for someone so extremely out of your reach.

“Right, sorry.” You stood up straighter, looking up at his face now, your arms almost mechanically in the correct position. He probably noticed you being uptight but ignored.

You flung an uninterested but quick punch when Sylus got into his fighting stance, evoking a smirk out of him as he struggled to deflect it. You’ve always been fast. It’s something you caught from training with Xavier. Maybe it was your constitution, but you weren’t half as strong as him, earning you more than your fair share of teasing from everyone around you. But Sylus was different. He’d never tease you, only push you to do better.

So you did, throwing punches and kicks he struggled to deflect as he moved backward. “You’re pulling your punches.” He noticed.

You stopped, looking up at him. “We’re just training. I don’t want to hurt you.”

He laughed. “Sweetie, you couldn’t hurt me if you tried.” On hearing that nickname he called you, your eyes sparkled, but you looked away quickly, hoping he wouldn’t see the hope in your face when he called you that.

“You wouldn’t hurt me.” You replied, not meeting his gaze that was surely boring into you, always trying to figure out what was on your mind.

“What makes you so sure?” He lifted your chin to make you look up at him, his expression serious and stern. You could tell he was trying to appear rougher, but he always treated you like a precious and fragile treasure, probably because of the aether core. That’s all he wanted, right? He couldn’t let your precious heart be hurt.

“Then hit me.” You challenged. “I won’t pull my punches if you won’t.”

Sylus looked a little taken aback by your words, his expression turning concerned again as he seemed at a loss for words. After a while, his irritatingly confident smirk returned as he leaned in closer to you. “Careful what you ask for.”

You pulled away immediately as he got closer, resentment bubbling inside you. Why was he playing at your heart’s strings like that?

“I know exactly what I’m asking for. Come at me.”

He smiled, as if to say ‘as you wish, sweetie’, turning to you at a speed you couldn’t match. You dodged his first lunge, but at the second, he held both your hands and tackled you, pinning you down on the ground, one hand behind your head to make sure you wouldn’t get hurt as you hit the ground, the other holding your wrists above your head. You tried to use your legs but he held your thighs down with one knee, and you felt like your heart would explode from your chest.

“You okay?” He asked. You wanted to scream ‘No’, that he hurt you in a way that didn’t show except in the beats of your heart or the colour of your cheeks, but you gulped and nodded.

You tried pulling away, but he didn’t let go. “Not until you tell me what’s wrong.” As if sensing the burning question in your mind, he asked gently.

You didn’t reply, looking away from him. His hand that was behind your head forced you to face his sweet eyes etched with concern. “Please. I can’t see you this way.”

“What way?” You spoke with a bite in your voice, cursing yourself for sounding rude. He didn’t mind. It was almost as if he was used to it.

“You’re angry with me.”

You pouted and looked away again. “Let me go now, I’m serious.”

He didn’t. “You know it kills me when you’re angry at me and you don’t tell me why, right?”

“Can’t you guess?” You faced him, tears prickling your eyes. As soon as he noticed, he released you, helping you sit up against the boxing ring ropes. “Sweetie.” That word again. His gentle and concerned eyes again. His rough hands cradling your face again.

Stop it. Stop pretending you care.

“What?” He replied softly. Shit, you said that out loud. “I…”

Tears fell out of your eyes like tiny dew drops, your face reddening as you hugged your knees, embarrassed and hurt. But you couldn’t tell he was hurt too. He didn’t wipe away your tears, just stroked your hair.

“Come here.” He spoke as he switched positions with you, leaning against the ropes with you on his lap, knees on either side of him. It was a bit intimate to be in a position like that with someone you had nothing to do with romantically, which made you feel even worse.

“Sylus, I can’t take it when you hold me like this.” You blurted, now sobbing. You couldn’t look at his face, but his hand was wrapped around your waist. You wanted him to pull you close, but at the same time, that was the last thing you needed. “We’re nothing, and god, this is embarrassing, but I… I don’t know why you do this to me. Don’t ask me what, you know what it is, and my heart is too fragile to take so much toying. I’m tired. I know you need me to get stronger or whatever, but I wish you’d leave me alone once and for all.”

He stayed silent and still, but then he pulled you into his chest, making you sob even harder. “I told you, I’ll leave your sight if you want me to.”

You held on to him tighter. You didn’t want him to leave. He wasn’t getting what you meant. He was older than you, he should know better. He should-

“But don’t you for a second think I’m toying with you.” He spoke with ferocity you had never heard from him before. He tried pulling you away but you grabbed on to him like a cat refusing to let go. “Well, that’s the strength I was looking for.” He joked.

So he held you as tight too, burying his face in your neck, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I’m not using you for anything. How could you even think that? I just want you.”

“Why?” At that point it was easier to believe he was using you. Why would he like you? It didn’t make any sense. Why would someone you met so recently treat you like that? Unless-

“Because I just do. I love your voice, I love holding you, I love your face, and I… just absolutely love your body.”

“Sylus!” You smacked him on his shoulder lightly, finally pulling away to look at him, his face tired and hurt as he forced a smile for you, eyes glassy. Was he about to cry too?

“What’s…” You wiped the tears of your own face, holding his as he looked up at you in a look that could only be described as reverence. He wasn’t joking about anything.

“It kills me to have made you cry, you know, sweetie?” He held your waist closely. “I… I never intended for that. You’re so sweet, you could never—” He seemed to be talking about something you shouldn’t know but trailed off as he realised. “I just mean, if you would have me, I would never want to let you go. I would never make you feel this way again.”

You looked at him with wide eyes. He held your hand and brought it close to his face, nuzzling it. You almost wanted to apologise for thinking that way of him.

“Can we move on and pretend I did not cry in your arms today?” You spoke, embarrassed.

He chuckled, placing your hand on his erratically beating chest. “If that’s what you want, but I hope you know, what I feel for you… that will never change.”

——x——

Feel free to request

[magpiemoon6]

Extraction point

Simon Riley x Y/N

Sad fluff !!!

Warnings: PTSD, depression, mental health issues

( I'm sorry if there is any writing mistakes I'll fix them tomorrow)

Reminder people, you are loved and deserve happiness always <3

A thousand tones feel like it’s on my chest, I cannot breathe. Like the world has chosen this exact moment to swallow me up in my pain and stress. My mind betrays me and falls in its own trap of self-doubt. I’m so far behind where I’m meant to be and the guilt of not living up to my own expectations for my inner child is eating me up. And in this moment every single mistake or failure seems to pile up in my head. I’m drowning even though I’m on land.

But he seems to be a light in my darkness, I need Simon, and before the guilt stops me, I reach for my phone under the pile of covers and duvets. Searching through the stuffy warmth till my hand claps the cold object. Pulling it to my chest, my eyes are swollen from crying and my nose is entirely blocked from my crying till my vision goes blurry.

I search for his name in my phone, I just want to hear his phone, the warmth of his voice is like a drug and the euphoria should shield me from my pit.

Si <3

“Hey, are you free a second? If not no worries x”

I feel so wrong for relying on him, but I promised Simon, that if it gets bad, we won’t shut each other out not again. That we can be each other’s extraction point.

Buzzing snaps me out of my brain unravelling in my hands. He’s calling and my heart drops because if he hears I’ve been crying he will come running and I can’t do that to him. Clearing my throat, I click to answer.

“Hello lovie” Simon says, and it feels like the flood gates are getting harder to hold shut, I just want him here and I’m so fucking selfish for that.

“Hey baby, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have texted you” I respond, I don’t want him to panic so I’m praying that my voice sounds calm, and my breathing is even enough he won’t realise.

“What happened? Tell me please y/n? I’m here” I can hear the anxiousness in his voice creep in, shit he knows and when he says that everything in me that was protecting him from my pain breaks from his kindness.

I’m crying again silent tears and my breathing stops trying helplessly to hold it in.

“I’m fine, I’m fine Simon, it’s stupid I’m sorry for disturbing you. I’m a big girl I just needed to hear your voice,” my voice is breaking as I say it, my grip on my phone is too tight. I need to let go. But I cant.

“Y/n?” the softness in his tone is so different from his voice yet hearing him say my name gives me more comfort than the dozens of duvets on top of me.

“Yes Simon?” I need to get control of my sadness, it kills me knowing he has to hear me like this.

“It’s going to be okay love” and that makes me sob harder, holding the phone away from myself so he is saved from my pain.

“Okay, thank you. Bye Si” and that’s all I can say because if I say anything else it will involve me pathetically asking him over and he deserves better than the mess I am in this moment.

So now I’m sat here in my cold dark room alone. Submerged in my pain. I’m so tired of this, I want to be better, to get better and no more need for meds and therapy and other people to hold me together. I feel pathetic as if I’m dragging on everyone’s life. I want to live without all my sadness.

I’m too sucked into my own depression to hear the door of my flat opening and shutting. Too distracted to recognize the footsteps moving towards my room.

Simon opens the door, and I don’t know how to cope with my emotions. My heart practically burst knowing he came over, giving me some hope that maybe I am worthy of his love. But then he has to see my darkness, the hypocrite I am knowing I’ve seen him where I am and gave him all my love I possibly could.

“Hey love,” he’s quiet even for him, moving through the room like he is terrified he may break something or me.

“You didn’t have too” the guilt stays heavy on my shoulders.

Knowing he is staring at me, someone who is normally so full of light now covered in darkness that fills the room and holds it down. He begins to move onto the bed gently, moving himself silently under the covers with me. My heart hurts. Loving him gives me air in my lungs, everything about him gives me hope and love. I could stare at him for a thousand years and still not get enough.

“Y/n, I love you, okay? I will be here if I’m dead or alive, a million miles away or next door.” Pulling me into his chest, the heat of his body makes the blankets feel cold.

I cant stop crying even if I wanted too, pushing my face into his chest and curling into him, I let him hold me and begin to pull away all the darkness that doesn’t seem to drown me as much now. I feel him large hand begin to gently stroke my hair, moving through it as he soothes soul with his love.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble into his chest, this makes his hand stop its rhythmic pattern of brushing through my hair. Tilting my head to his eyes.

He stares back and I fall in love all over again, those honey eyes are only filled with compassion and understanding. Before him my loneliness was my company, and everything was always so violent. But with him now I’m learning to live without violence and less loneliness.

“What’s our promise?” he asks me, still holding me tightly letting my pain wash away his love flooding me and bring me back to the now.

“That we will always be each other’s extraction point,” the quote we made up before we even started dating. The quote that we held onto before we knew our love wasn’t one sided.

“Exactly,” he says and goes back to stroking my hair and listening to my hiccupping breathing, never judging just existing with me.

“Thank you, I love you” and I mean it, the same way I know he does too. Our darkness still haunts us both, but we have learnt to comfort each other and hold out the light when we need it.

“I love you too”.

[celestialship]

Just One Night

An exhausted Meg allows Johnny Silverhand to take over her body for the night - and then has to deal with the consequences.

word count: 2,400

content warning: swearing, violence, suggestive material?

1 hour left until the meet.

Meg sat in her apartment in Japantown, the plush seats of the couch cushions doing nothing to make her body feel any less like it had been run over by a car and then subsequently dragged through the streets of Night City. Hunched over where she sat and running her hands through her hair in an attempt to self-soothe, Meg doubted at this point she’d be feeling any better before the meet with the client. 

What day was it? Thursday? Meg had been awake for almost 2 days. Sure, they’d gotten a couple winks between jobs, but it was never more than an hour. Meg’s body was aching for a good night’s sleep, but Meg needed the eddies and the jobs were coming in steady. Who knew how long it’d be before work was this consistent again?

“I can feel it too, y’know.” The sudden voice and materialization of Johnny Silverhand a couple feet away nearly made Meg jump out of her chrome in surprise, and she cursed under her breath at how easily startled she was. The ghost of the infamous terrorist appeared out of the corner of her eye, leaning back against the wall of her apartment, arms crossed and adjusting his sunglasses on his face. Meg had to wonder if he was actively trying to look cool, or if it was always that effortless. “You feel like shit, Meg.”

“Thanks,” Meg grumbled. Before Johnny Silverhand’s engram was put into her brain, allowing her and only her to see the supposed dead rocker, Meg’s voice was the sole one in her head that she had to tell to shut up from time to time. Now she had two voices.

“Didn’t mean it like an insult, just statin’ a fact. You’re exhausted.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Meg snapped, groaning and rubbing their eyes.

“Would ya let me finish? Christ,” Johnny scoffed. He moved away from the wall and glitched out of Meg’s vision, reappearing directly in front of her, causing Meg to almost jump again. Not this time. “Let me take over.”

“Excuse me?” Meg glared.

“You’re exhausted, you’ve been up for nearly two days at this point. Yet you still have jobs lined up.” Johnny shook his head in a supposed empathetic manner, but Meg was skeptical as to how genuine it was. “If you let me take over, I can do all the jobs for you, you get some rest in the back of your head.”

“No way,” Meg snapped, but Johnny saying the word “rest” made her body ache with longing. Being able to check out sounded really nice, but letting Johnny Silverhand’s personality in the engram in her head, take control of her body? This was the terrorist who blew up Arasaka tower before flatlining. Who knew what he would decide to do on a whim with Meg?

“Come on, Meg, it’s just for one night.” Johnny was practically whining like a schoolboy. “One night. ‘Sides, don’t you trust me, after all we’ve been through?”

“No.”

“I know you’re lying. Ya don’t hate me nearly as much as you may think. In fact, I think you’ve come around on me a lot. You may even like me.”

“Johnny, don’t fuck with me. You’re not going to be good and just do my work for me. What’s even in it for you?” Meg retorted.

Johnny put a hand to his chest and took off his sunglasses to look into her eyes. “Well, Meg, I care. I just want you to get some rest.”

“Fuck off.”

“Okay, well, maybe it’s getting annoying sharing a body with you while you’re sore and aching and acting like a brat,” Johnny shot back. There it was. There was Silverhand’s real personality. “And yes, okay, maybe I will treat myself to a drink or two. But I won’t get you shitfaced or in any real trouble. I have to share a body with you, remember? I’ll be dealing with the consequences, too.”

“Well, I appreciate the honesty,” Meg muttered. She slouched on the couch, staring at the floor. Time was ticking. She felt half-dead. How badly did she want to take a shot at some rest? Was she really going to let Johnny Silverhand front for the night, possibly risking her reputation as a merc, her chances of a severe hangover, and whatever else he had in store?

But rest…

“Just one night, Megs. You know I won’t do anything to hurt you. You actually may like it.”

The way he said it made the hair on Meg’s neck stand on end. Maybe it was a small enough response that he didn’t notice or feel it. “Okay, okay, one night.” They could see Johnny’s face light up in response. “One night. But Johnny, if you do anything to fuck me over–”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Meg.” He flashed a smile, which was a rare occurrence. But Johnny was about to be back in the world for the first time in decades. Meg’s nerves spiked a little as she thought to herself: any average “ghost” would probably go crazy if they were allowed back into the world of the living. How crazy would Johnny Silverhand go? 

But Meg had to trust him. Trust him enough for one night. Besides, they were so tired. Letting Johnny do their work for the night would at least allow the night to go by faster as they slipped into the back of their mind, and maybe they’d be able to come to and immediately go to sleep. “Fine. It’s all yours.”

“Your body, you mean? Thank you, Meg. I’ll take good care of you.”

What was with this teasing? Meg didn’t have time to think of it more, though, because she slipped into unconsciousness.

***

Well, total unconsciousness would be a lie. Meg saw bits of the night. The entire night.

First there was a flash of the meet. Meg speaking in Meg’s voice, but not using their own words. The client seemed a little afraid. Meg left the meet with a hunger stirring in their chest, a zeal that Meg had not felt in…had she ever felt that enthusiastic? 

Then came the gunfire. Meg watched through her eyes as members of a street gang hit the floor while she stormed through a warehouse, bullets going through one head after another. After finding a man in a back office, Meg put a knife to his neck, took a datashard from his hand, then slit his throat.

Eddies transferred in exchange for the datashard. Now Meg was headed into a new building, greeting a man who had an operating chair and a computer hooked up to it. A ripperdoc - a man who could work on the body with cybernetics or other body modifications. What was happening…?

Just as quickly Meg’s vision flashed to a nightclub. Meg walked in as a bartender greeted her, and she watched herself cut the bartender off to order a drink. Then another. Then another. Then another…

Then, having more difficulty seeing reality now, Meg was surrounded by loud music, flashing lights, pushing bodies. As someone shoved her, and Meg returned the shove with a punch to the face, all hell broke loose. Then darkness.

***

Blinking her eyes open, Meg was greeted with a fan slowly spinning overhead on the ceiling. The room was dark, the lights all shut off and curtains closed, and Meg felt a soft mattress beneath her back. Somehow she had managed to get home. Slowly sitting up, Meg hissed in pain as she was immediately greeted by a headache, which seemed to creep all the way down her body. How did Meg feel even worse than yesterday?

Medicine. They needed these body aches gone or they would be out of commission all day long. Meg forced their body to move, pushing their feet to the floor and rising to their full height, slowly stumbling to the bathroom. As they looked down at their body, they realized they were also in their pajamas: an old crop top and some comfortable shorts. It was like their body had been half punished, half gently taken care of, by–

Johnny. As Meg recollected their absence of memories of the night, hot anger flashed in their chest. He said he wouldn’t go crazy. He said he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. Yet here she was, with a migraine and shooting, throbbing pain all throughout her body.

“Johnny,” she called out, intending it to sound angry, but it honestly sounded kind of pathetic. But he adhered to her call, materializing behind her in the bathroom mirror.

“You called?” he asked in a mock bow, before seeing her expression and realizing he was in deep shit. He immediately straightened himself up.

“What...did you do?” Meg demanded, propping herself with a hand on the sink as she rifled through the medicine cabinet.

“I took care of your job for you. You’re welcome.” Johnny said this firmly, as if he had been planning on this being his exact response, nothing more and nothing less.

“You’re welcome? I feel worse than yesterday, Johnny. I thought you were all about letting me rest.” Meg found the pain relievers and poured out two pills to take.

“Hey, not my fault if you just can’t handle me taking your body.”

“Fuck you, it’s more than a matter of ‘handling’ it. I saw bits of what you did, Johnny. You went out drinking - more drinking than what I’m used to doing - and got into fights, and killed more people than I would’ve liked–”

“Hey, you’re the one who gave up control, I just did what I thought was appropriate. And maybe I let you have some fun, Meg. You never let yourself have fun.”

“That’s not fun to me! I don’t do that shit because I don’t want to deal with the aftermath, with all of this!” Meg stopped her ranting by taking the pills, and Johnny took the silence to immediately butt back in.

“You didn’t die! I got you home, I got you in bed with the lights off for the inevitable hangover, I got you in your pajamas–”

“Wait, you changed my clothes?”

Johnny leaned his head back in a groan. “Christ, Meg, don’t be such a fucking girl scout. I–live–in–your–head!” Johnny tapped either side of his head to emphasize each word. “I’ve seen your body hundreds of times.”

Meg supposed she hadn’t thought about that before somehow, but thinking of it now made her face grow red, which made her scowl in turn, realizing it was hurting her image of being angry and having any sort of leverage over Johnny. “Whatever.” That was the closest she’d come to dropping the argument or thanking him for the bit of consideration he showed her. The anger was beginning to fade slightly - maybe her exhaustion just made it difficult for her to stay mad - but then she glanced down at her arm.

As Meg saw it, she suddenly remembered the part of the night where Johnny visited the ripperdoc. There on Meg’s right inner elbow was a big heart in black ink, with an arrow going through it, and text on the inside.

“JOHNNY + MEG”

If Meg was angry before, now she was furious. Livid. “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?” She shouted so loudly she was sure any neighbors could hear her screaming at the man inside her head.

Looking at Johnny for any kind of explanation, she just saw the rockerboy press his lips together, as if he had forgotten that he permanently marked her body without her knowledge. “Oh, yeah. That. …Surprise.”

“Surprise? That’s what you have to say to this?!” Meg held her arm up, rubbing at the tattoo and praying to whatever god was possibly alive that it wasn’t permanent. It was.

“You don’t like it?” Johnny asked, tilting his head.

“You really think I’m the type of woman to put a man’s name on my body?!” Her heart was pounding, and she could hardly figure out what argument to first raise about this. “Everyone’s going to think I’m with a man named Johnny!”

Johnny’s eyes widened, as if he had somehow not even considered this, and then a smile spread on his face, looking entirely too satisfied about this outcome. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah, really!” Meg shot back. “Who’s ever going to want to go out with someone with a tattoo like this? If I even had the time to–”

“Maybe I don’t want you to,” Johnny muttered.

This stopped Meg in her tracks. “Excuse me?”

Johnny hesitated, only for a second, but enough for Meg to notice. Then he scoffed. “Did you forget we’re essentially sharing a body, Meg? You really think it’d be comfortable for me to just be here dormant while you’re getting involved with someone?”

“It’s my body!” Meg retorted.

“Whatever. You know a ripperdoc could probably remove that tattoo anyway, if you hate it so much.” Johnny glitched out from where he stood and reappeared sitting on the edge of the bathtub. 

There was silence between the two. Silence from Johnny - did he realize he may have gone a bit too far? Was this the closest he’d come to apologizing, ceasing to defend himself against Meg?

Meg sighed. She really didn’t feel like arguing anymore. Truthfully, she never liked arguing with Johnny, because she’d always feel worried about him being mad at her. Why she cared, she could never figure out. Maybe because like Johnny said, they were stuck “sharing” a body - even if it was, at the end of the day, her body. And she knew that Johnny knew that. And respected that. He was right - a ripperdoc could take the tattoo out. Tattoos were never truly permanent.

“I’m going back to bed,” she muttered, putting an end to the heated exchange. She didn’t feel like rushing out to remove the tattoo. She could get it removed whenever she felt like it. Maybe some other day, when she had the free time. She never had free time. Her free time was best spent sleeping anyway.

“Sweet dreams,” Johnny muttered back, also seeming tired of the argument.

Meg walked back towards the bathroom door, but glanced back at Johnny before walking out. “...Thank you for getting me back home safely.”

Johnny looked up at her and gave a sincere nod. “Anytime, Megs.”

[icequeenlila]

Sorry

Mental health went down the drain. Update's gonna take longer than promised. Sorry. Have some Aonung Spider beef in the meantime:

“How?”, Aonung finally broke the silence. “How can a body as small as yours, hold so much stupidity?” He sounded like he was torn between amusement and anger.

“It’s a gift.”

Aonung half turned towards him, his eyes full of disbelieve. “How did you manage to survive until now, with a foul mouth like this?”

Spider shrugged his shoulders. “Mostly, people are too shocked to respond. Makes running away pretty easy.”

When Aonung just continued to stare at him, Spider rolled his eyes.

“Oh, come on”, he said. “Don’t act like you’re all innocent. You’re not any better than me!”

“He is my father!”, Aonung argued. “You are just some small sky people, who’s not even been around for that long. If I was chief- “

“If you were chief, I would’ve voluntarily stayed with the RDA.”

Aonung scrunched up his nose. “You mean the people who shot Neteyam?”

Spider’s mouth fell shut at that.

“Don’t take me too seriously”, he muttered, looking away from his friend. “I’m a skxawng. Happy?”

This time, Aonung was the one to roll his eyes, while turning around his Ilu, guiding it back towards the village. “Let’s say I’m glad about your self-reflection skills.”

Spider shot him an annoyed look. Not that Aonung could see it with his back turned towards Spider. He felt his friend’s shoulders stiffen again. They were both silent as they slid through the water, both lost in their own thoughts and worries.

Spider sent another silent prayer towards Eywa, asking her to keep Tuk and Tsireya safe, wherever they might be right now.

He still couldn’t believe that Payakan would do something like that.

Lo’ak had taken him to meet his spirit brother and Spider had considered the Tulkun a friend, as did Kiri, Tuk and the others. So, why would Payakan just kidnap the girls? It made no sense.

Maybe it was supposed to be joke? Probably not. Even if it was, Spider doubted that Neytiri and Jake would laugh about it. Neytiri most likely was already hunting down the Tulkun, bow stretched, arrow ready to shoot.

Spider really wouldn’t want to switch places with Payakan right now.

“Try to keep your head low for the next few days”, Aonung’s voice brought him back into the now.

“Huh?”

His friend exhaled through his nose, clearly annoyed. “Try to keep out of my father’s sight”, he repeated. “He is a kind man, but you really overstepped back there.” He shot him a sharp look over his shoulder. “My mother would have strangled you to death already.”

“Oh, yeah.” Spider shuddered as he envisioned the woman’s wrath. “I have no doubt in that. Na’vi woman are scarry.”

Aonung actually chuckled at that. “You just don’t seem to get along with them too well.”

“Whatever”, Spider muttered with another roll of his eyes, remembering an earlier thought of his. “What orders did your father speak about back there?”

If Aonung’s shoulders were stiff before, they turned into stone at that question.

Hah! Something was off! Spider knew it!

“It’s none of your concern”, Aonung answered after a pause of silence that lasted a tick too long.

“Oh, really?”, Spider asked. “Okay then. But just so you know.” He leaned to the side a bit so he could see Aonung’s profile. “Neteyam has grown suspicious of this, too.”

The reaction was immediate. Aonung turned to look at him, his eyes growing big for a moment, before frowning down at Spider. “What do you mean?”

Spider half grinned at him, taking a bit of joy in stressing out the boy. “I mean, that the hunters are leaving more often than usual lately and your father goes with them almost every time, despite him being Olo’eyktan, supposed to take care of things at the village.” He shrugged. “Every time Neteyam asks questions you start sweating and now you won’t tell me about those orders.”

Aonung’s frown grew deeper and deeper.

Spider was joking. He thought it was obvious that he was. But somehow his friend didn’t seem to pick up on that at all. It had been a joke to Spider. But it obviously wasn’t to Aonung.

Was there maybe something more to this? Was there actually something the boy tried to hide?

Spider was more than curious now.

“Like I said”, Aonung growled. “None of your business.”

“Like I said”, Spider mimicked him. “Okay. Just a lil weird that’s all.” And then he added something else, because he just had to actively seek out trouble no matter what. “I’m pretty sure Neteyam won’t think too much of it when I tell him later.”

The Ilu stopped abruptly, causing Spider to tip forward, losing his grip on Aonung and falling face first into the water.

First Olo’eyktan. Now his son. Spider just had a knack for pissing people off.

“The fuck, bro!”, Spider called when he resurfaced.

“I’m not your bro”, Aonung growled, a deep frown on his forehead. “And you will keep your skxawng mouth shut about this! Neteyam doesn’t need to worry any more than he already does!”

“I was joking!”, Spider called, splashing a hand full of water at the Metkaiyen. Not that the boy cared. “It’s not like we suspect you to keep some dark secret or something! No need to be such a bitch!”

He grabbed onto the Ilu’s fin, just in case the boy wanted to leave him outside here. Wouldn’t be the first time.

“I could just leave you here”, Aonung said as if reading his mind. “This way I could make sure you will keep your mouth shut.”

“Do you have a hit list or something?”, Spider called up at him, holding on a little tighter to the poor animal. “Dude, you need to chill!”

“What’s a hit list?” Aonung looked confused all of a sudden, clearly thrown off topic by Spider’s words.

“You know, a hit list”, Spider said, trying to pull himself up. The Ilu didn’t seem too happy about all the grabbing and threw him off again. “Would you help me?”

“What’s a hit list?” Aonung looked at him unimpressed, not moving a muscle, definitely not helping Spider up.

Spider rolled his eyes at the boy. “It’s a list you make inside your head, with all the people you want to kill on it.”

Aonung frowned at him again, but this time he looked more shocked than anything. “Why would I want to kill anyone?”

“I don’t know!”, Spider called. “Why would you leave Lo’ak outside the reef to die! Why would you threaten to do the same to me? Why won’t you get a joke?”

“Because you’re not funny!”

“Or maybe it’s because you’re stupid!”

Aonung glowered at him, flaring his nostrils. “I really wish I could just leave you here to drown.”

Spider shot him a big grin through his mask. He wasn’t worried in the slightest.

“Yeah, I know”, he said, still very self-assured. He grinned a little brighter, just to piss the other off. “But you can’t, because then Neteyam would be pretty pissed at you.”

Aonung looked about ready to jump and drown Spider with his own hands. Yes, Spider was really pushing it, but at least his friend was distracted from worrying about his sister for a while. Aonung could scream at him all he wanted, Spider didn’t care. Maybe his friend would lose some tension like that.

“You’re despicable”, Aonung growled, but at the same time reached out his hand, silently offering to help Spider up.

“And you’re such a sweetheart”, Spider retorted, a mocking grin on his lips, taking the boy’s hand. “The sweetest of them all.”

Aonung just rolled his eyes at him, pulling him up. Spider settled down behind him, his hands on his friend’s shoulders again. Still tense. But maybe a little less than before.

(I'm dissapointed myself. I hope you can understand. I shouldn't have promised smth I can't keep, I just got so excited about finishing the chapter. It still has some errors and I'm not ready to post it yet.)

(Anyway, hope you have a nice day.)

[whentherewerebicycles]

with work stuff I am going to try my best to set good boundaries around when I’m available—like really striving to keep evenings/weekends as no-work zones except when we have events (and then adjusting my weekly schedule so I’m not working extra hours). but I also want to really try, in this first month or two, to say yes to as many invites to attend classes/talks/events and to see my primary job as building relationships with people and mapping the institutional landscape. I think in my previous program job I self-isolated a lot initially because I was worried about whether I was qualified to do the work and was scared that if I talked to too many people about what I was doing they’d be like uhh how did you get this job. then of course the pandemic derailed everything just as I was starting to settle in, and by the time we got back to campus there was an end date on our grant and I couldn’t really do the type of long-term networking I finally felt ready to do.

I don’t want to make that mistake again! what I learned in the later stages of that job was that if I had started talking to people earlier I could have oriented myself in the role a lot faster and made better use of other people’s insights/expertise in redesigning our program. things still turned out okay (and maybe had to unfold that way so I could learn this particular lesson!) but I’ve learned it now lol and I want to apply it in this new job. like I can already feel those first tendrils of panicky self-doubt… like what if I talk to a bunch of people and they’re all like “wow… how did they hire you when you don’t know anything about [insert random niche topic my brain has chosen to fixate on that day as the thing that will lead to my Unmasking].” but also like probably that won’t happen haha as I am a qualified professional and a capable person with a good track record of not making a fool of myself in my past jobs. AND ALSO I want to really push myself to model the behaviors I am always working to instill in my students, such as:

do the thing that scares you

do it little bit before you’re ready

talk to everyone! and be open with everyone you talk to about what you’re trying to learn or discover or figure out or build

assume that most people love to feel useful & especially love to be able to use their insight or connections or expertise to help you

don’t front! don’t front! don’t front! ask for help & advice easily, casually, and often. never pretend you’ve read the thing you haven’t read or know how to do the thing you haven’t learned or are confidently able to navigate the thing that feels murky and confusing to you. as one of my kids wrote in his end of year reflection letter: the more you ask for help the less you end up needing it, because you have so many people you can casually talk to or enlist assistance from that you’re typically able to solve your problems or challenges typically get solved before they become big scary paralyzing roadblocks. so don’t front! don’t perform! be honest and open about your own learning or the things you’re grappling with in ways that make the people around you feel like it’s okay for them to drop the act too and let others see when they too are in the process of learning something new

we are social creatures we are networked creatures we can’t do everything on our own we flourish when we build relationships with people who have skillsets and ways of looking at the world that are different from our own it’s okay/good/healthy to not be able to do everything and be everything on your own. build a really good community both of people who are skilled at the things that don’t come naturally to you (they can help you/teach you/introduce you to different ways of working) AND of people who are skilled at the things that you are good at (they will spark new ideas while pushing you to keep growing and learning).

anyway I am saying all of this aloud to myself because today I have gotten a bunch of very nice emails from faculty inviting me to attend a bunch of talks & end-of-semester student events and my first reaction was YIPPEE I CAN’T WAIT and my second reaction was what if I embarrass myself by not knowing enough and they’re all like wowwwww yikes and I am now gently steering myself towards my third reaction which is: gosh how incredibly lucky am I to have landed myself in a job where I’m going to have SO much room to grow as a person and a professional. I don’t know everything but I can reframe that fear for myself: if I knew everything there would be nothing left to learn! and I was born to learn!!!!! learning is where I thrive!!!!!!!! so even as I want to be thoughtful about what I take on (to preserve a non-work life for myself lol) I am also saying yes to every single invitation that involves talking to new people and learning more about what they do and building relationships that will help me thrive in this role. PHEW OK and now it’s time for bed

[mayday-and-daydreams]

( Day Ten )

{ Written December 27, 2022 - 1:29 AM / Posted November 9, 2023 - 2:21 AM }

[ Nemo’s Headphones: Evacuate The Dancefloor - Nightcore - Cascada ]

-

“A Person Without You”

-

(TW Self-Harm Mention)

-

Does it ever feel horrible to anyone else?

It feels like I can never get a break.

Every day I wake up and dread it because I know it’ll be the same thing dragging me down day after day, sucking all the energy out of me until one day I have nothing left to give.

Or maybe it’s just the month.

When I woke up this morning, I thought things would be fine.

And all I got was you snapping at me for no reason, kicking me when I was already down.

I’m trying so hard not to relapse.

Everything is just too much right now.

I just want it to go silent.

I just want to be okay.

I just want a break.

No matter how hard I try, and god knows I’ve been trying, it will never be enough.

And every so often that realization hits me like a bus.

It’s not all your fault, but it’s not all mine.

And you seem oh so keen to make the fault my own.

It feels like things are different now.

I need to leave.

I NEED to leave more than I’ve needed anything else.

Being here is poisoning me, and has been my whole life.

Somewhere down the line, I got used to it.

But one wrong step and it will kill me.

I thought you were better.

The walls have never been soundproof.

Maybe I’ll lie awake tonight fighting with my own mind, trying to remember what you said about me today.

Doubting that anything happened at all, because it hurts me so much to think about.

I heard you talk about how you don’t like me.

You think we’re spoiled brats, and you think so much less of me because I can’t keep my room clean and I sleep during the day.

But I sleep during the day so I don’t have to see your face.

So I can hold every memory of every time you hurt me close and use it to fuel the fire that keeps me going, keeps me moving, so one day I can get out of here.

So I don’t have to look in your eyes and lose every strand of strength I have inside me, doubt everything I’ve ever known to be true, because if everything I’ve known to be true IS true, that would mean that someone I love so much is a monster.

Someone I believed in so much, someone I let hurt me for years in the hopes that one day things would be better between us, never did change.

I wonder if when I finally leave this awful place, If I’ll ever want to see you again.

A part of me wants to. A part of me never wants to leave.

But a part of me, the piece of me hidden deep inside, the piece of me that was only able to go on some days at the promise that one day I would run, wants to cut you from my life and change my name to be a new person without your influence, without your touch.

But can we ever truly be apart, if your blood runs through my veins?

I will have to bleed myself dry before I find myself on stable ground, won’t I?

I don’t want to die without achieving the dream I held for so long.

One day I will get away from you. Even if it kills me to do so.

One day I will be a person without you, I swear it.

I will have a new family. One I’ve made myself.

And I will be a person without you.

I will be okay.

I will be okay.

I just need to make it until then.

[lovestay-channie]

Magical Powers- Bang Chan

Pairing: Bang Chan x fem!reader

Genre: angst with fluff

Summary: what happens when you accidentally slip up? will you shut everyone out or let that special person in?

Word Count: 1.7k

Warning: major hinting at addiction (nothing is specific but please read at your own discretion), established relationship

Everything is wrong.

You can’t do anything right.

What is wrong with you?

So many thoughts running through your head. Heart beating out of your chest. Cheeks painted with tear stains. The room is almost pitch black, the moon shining through the window to give the room a tiny bit of light. You just wanted to disappear. You fell back in to old habits. Ones you are trying to run away from. You didn’t want to be this person. You wanted to be better, but why couldn’t you run away from these struggles.

You couldn’t tell anyone. You were so ashamed in yourself that you felt that it was best to shove it down deep inside you, a secret that should never resurface. But how long could you keep this up before you burst?

You sit up from lying down in your bed. You looked at the red numbers on the other side of the room. It was almost midnight. Maybe going on a drive could clear your mind. Giving your mind something else to focus on besides your self doubt and insecurities. You slowly climb out of bed, put your hair up in a bun, and grab your keys from the key holder. You pass by your mirror in the bathroom, hesitant to see what you look like. You peak a little bit before fully emerging into the bathroom. You scan all over your features: pink cheeks, puffy eyes, baby hairs flying everywhere. You were a mess. What you felt on the inside reflected on the outside.

 You quickly turn away before you psych yourself into not leaving your apartment. You find the first pair of shoes near the door that simply slip on your feet. As you open the door to exit, you are met with a soft ‘thud’. It makes you stumble a bit before you feel hands on your waist. You finally look up a little bit to see a black hoodie blocking your vision of the outside. You look all the way up to see your boyfriend, hood and beanie covering his head with a black face mask covering his face. You stare into his deep brown eyes which were already filled with concern. You wanted so badly to run away and slam the door in his face so he doesn’t have to see you in the state you are in.

“Woah there! Why are you in such a hurry?” Chan asks.

You finally snap out of the shock you are in from seeing Chan so suddenly. You pull away, taking his hands off your waist. You look down, not being able to look at him anymore in the fear of breaking down. “I’m uh… I was just about to go for a drive,” you say, glancing at your car while pointing it out. You look up again to see Chan’s full face as he took off his face mask. He had already washed up for the evening, barefaced and clean. You want to poke and kiss his cheeks thousands of times. He looks so perfect while you couldn’t even stand yourself right now.

“Oh! That sounds fun!” he says, turning to walk to your car with you.

“By myself!” you call out. Chan snaps back, eyebrows furrowed with confusion.

Chan takes his phone out of his hoodie pocket to check the time. “Babe, it’s midnight. You shouldn’t be out this late by yourself.” He takes tiny steps towards you.

“I’m a careful driver. I won’t be out for too long. You’ve had a long day. You should go back to the dorms and get some rest,” you say, walking in front of time to reach up and give him a soft peck on the cheek before trying to walk past him. However, Chan quickly grabs your hand before you could walk away too far from him. “Chan, please let me go. I just need to clear my head.”

“Okay, then talk to me,” he says sternly.

“I can’t,” you whisper. “Please, Chris, let me go.”

Rather than letting your hand go, he tightens his grip slightly and takes a few steps closer. Chan seemed to have these magical powers when it came to you. It’s like he came straight out of a K-Drama. If you were in trouble, he would randomly be there. If you were down, there would be a sweet paragraph sent to your phone to cheer you up. His kind heart always reached out to you in ways you never expected.

“You know you can always talk to me, Y/N. I am always here for you,” Chan whispers back. He was being so gentle. You could feel his grip go back and forth, not knowing whether to give you the space you are asking for or engulf you in a bear hug to take your silent pain away.

“I know, but I just-“ you couldn’t finish your sentence. You almost word vomited your sins, your secret. You knew trying to run away would make it worse and Chan would result in not letting you go, but you couldn’t stand being near him with the guilt seeping into your veins.

You try to break from his grip, but it just ends up stronger. Just as you thought, Chan turns you around to have you face him. Your chest bumps into his as he moves his grip from your hand to grip your sweatshirt. He takes his other hands to softly grab the back of your neck to look at him. Your eyes meet again. His chocolate brown eyes swimming in your eyes. It’s like he was reading the cries of agony in your soul.

“Please don’t shut me out again. You can trust me. I am here for you. I am here for all the highs and lows of life. I know sometimes we need space to regulate our feelings, but I can’t help but think that you have been suffering silently for too long. Please let me in. Please let me help you, Y/N,” Chan softly says, taking both of his hands to cradle your face. His thumbs rub the softness of your cheeks. He could feel the tear stains that used to kiss your cheeks. His heart breaks at the thought of you crying all alone.

His soft lips find the apple of your cheeks. He lightly kisses them. He wanted to replace the tear stains with his love. He kisses the center of your cheeks, your jaw, your nose, your other cheek, the corner of your mouth, and the lightest kiss on your kips. He was trying to piece you back together, recharging you. He looks back into your eyes to see the slightest river of tears wanting to fall from your water line. He lightly smiles before kissing your forehead and pulling you into a hug, one arm around your shoulders while the other cradles your head to his shoulder. You don’t hug back, frozen from the soft touches thawing your guarded heart. You don’t dare let the tears fall to sink into his hoodie. You swallow them back in.

You take a deep breath.

Inhale.

Exhale.

You could feel the weight that has been on your heart be lifted. It’s as if all of your troubles were being melted away into Chan’s hug. As if he was taking your pain away. His magical powers put the broken pieces back together.

“It happened again, huh?” Chan asks, pulling away to look at your face. “You slipped up?”

Your lips turn into a thin line. You debated whether to be truthful to keep it in. However, you know that Chan already knows the answer to his own question. You didn’t want to look into his loving eyes while answering him. You look down, eyes focused on his black shoes. You lightly nod and place your head on his chest. He presses his nose into the crown of your head where your bun rests also nodding understanding your struggles. He kisses where his nose was before wrapping his arms around your head. This time, you wrap your arms around his middle, feeling the softness of his hoodie in your hands. You grip on for dear life. You don’t want him to let go anymore as you finally let him in.

“It’s okay, lovey. We all make mistakes. It’s part of life. But guess what? I am here to pick you back up. I’m here to support you. I’m here for you, and we can get through this together. I know you will just say that I’m always busy, and I know you don’t want to pull me away from work. But if you feel like slipping up again, please call me. I will tell the mangers to always let me answer my phone for you because you are more important than dance rehearsal. I can even see if you can sit in on our rehearsals so you aren’t alone. I will do anything to help you, my love,” Chan explains.

You shake your head and pull back to look up at your sweet boyfriend. “I can’t do that. I can’t ask you to drop everything for me. I don’t want to- “

“No, no. You are not a burden. I want to be there for you,” Chan finishes your sentence.

You slightly pout because he knows you too well. He giggles a little bit, poking your pouty bottom lip. “You’re so cute.”

You scoff at his compliment. “I am far from cute right now.”

“Hmmm, I beg to differ,” he smiles.

You shake your head. There is a moment of silence between the two of you, letting nature play music in the background. Suddenly, Chan takes your hand and pulls you towards his car that is parked behind yours. “Where are we going?”

“You wanted to go on a drive, right?” he questions. Next thing you know he is bowing with your hand still in his. “Let me be your chauffeur this evening.” He kisses your knuckles before sitting up and opening the passenger car door for you. You didn’t need to talk about what happened. You didn’t have to explain your feelings because Chan already knew. You lightly smiled at his kind gesture. It’s the first time you smiled in a few days.

Before climbing into the car, you reach up to give him a sweet kiss on his lips. He smiles a little bit in the kiss before you pull away. “Thank you,” you whisper.

Chan smiles bigger, giving you another sweet peck. “Anytime,” he whispers against your lips, leaving one last kiss.

[zandercomics]

You know what, fuck it, I’m going to make this a big thing now because you just don’t seem to get it.

TL;DR because I’m fairly certain you won’t read this, you aren’t helping anyone with all these comments. You are either stroking your own ego, are oblivious, or both. And it’s fucking disgusting.

I literally used it once, but go on I guess, maybe im taking the quote to literally.

You did say my “willful ignorance” was “hilarious”, which is both making fun of me assuming a lot about me. Also all throughout these interactions you’ve called me part of the problem and other things, implying that I am at least accidentally (though you lose the accidental benefit of the doubt by saying it’s willful) in the moral wrong, while you are saying you are in the mora right. If that isn’t implying you think you’re better than me then idk what would be. Just because it’s not directly stated doesn’t mean it’s not there.

But here let me clarify why I think you are just (again I hesitate to use the word because of how it’s been co opted but it’s so much quicker to type) virtue signaling.

First off this is clearly a joke. OP has made it clear that they are in no way suffering under the delusion that the boys will either come to the wedding, respond to the STD, or even open the letter (though I’d be willing to concede the last point given that they added jokes so at least the HOPE for that one is there). At most their interactions with NSP has been to offer a business transaction; be 99% turned down,but told to send info; and, clearly knowing that it’s a lost cause, send a piece of paper in the hopes of making them and some other people on reddit smile at a joke. Can it be misconstrued as serious after EVERYTHING? I guess, theoretically, someone with an incredible inability to read social queues (digitally or otherwise) and/or with serious mental illness saw this they COULD think that OP was being serious, though I’d question whether they would wait to see the answer before assuming that they see it as okay. I think only THE MOST delusional or oblivious would think that they could get a different result from the same tactic, but there is things like NPD, so maybe there’s a SHRED of a point there, but, and this is important, a stranger’s mental illness/state IS NOT OP’S RESPONSIBILITY! It is solely the responsibility of the person with said illness and (assuming it’s to the point of diminished accountability) their care network (be they family, friends, doctors, etc.) if you like quotes so much here’s one I always liked from a great podcast “your mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility”. To believe anything else is both unfair and unrealistic.

Second, your original reply was a massive exercise in futility. If OP had said something to the effect of “sending NSP an STD for my wedding, I hope they actually come!” Or something to that effect your response would’ve been pertinent and I wouldn’t have said a fucking thing. But, as I said before, OP is under absolutely no delusion that, if they even read the letter, it’ll be seen as anything more than “haha save the date and sexually transmitted disease have the same acronym” plus a few other random jokes to make them laugh. If someone as delusional or oblivious as said above STILL thinks they could send it and NSP Will seriously show up, your post will hardly change their mind. If someone is either unwilling or unable to see that sending a serious STD is futile and unrealistic, a stranger being sardonic on the internet is definitely not gonna be what stops them. To think it will be is both delusional and self centered.

Third, if there was ONE benefit of the doubt I was willing to give you its that, in your original reply, it could be seen as saying “oh well if they are impressionable enough to be swayed by one person being okay trying this then one dissenting voice would be just as noticeable”. I can at least see a bit of logic there. But you lost that benefit with all your bad faith arguments and “caring” (will clarify this part) and hypocrisy (see the response about not making fun of or acting like you’re better.)

Fourth jokes like this are not direct causes of any of the danger of parasocial relationships . Except in potential fringe situations, they arent even indirect causes. There is no research I have found that anybody who has stalked and/or killed someone they were a “fan” of were pushed in that direction by obvious jokes. What I HAVE seen is Untreated Mental illness, lack of a good social and medical security network, and ignoring the causes of mental illnesses, the lack of said networks, and the warning signs that a person is dangerous leading DIRECTLY to atrocities.

This is why I think all your sentiments about caring about people being hurt are made in bad faith. Someone who generally wanted to help people wouldn’t waste their time on this non issue.

Given That, let’s go down a rabbit hole, if you’ll indulge me. If you REALLY wanted to combat that you would be working to address those issues. But maybe you don’t have the time, but when you see something dangerous you call it out. That’s fair, life is busy! But, as I said before, clearly labeled jokes are not a danger that needs to be called out. Maybe you got mixed up, that’s fine, it happens. But wait, you’re doubling down even when you’ve been shown why you’re wrong? maybe you weren’t convinced? But there were direct points where flaws in your argument were shown, why didn’t you address these? If they didn’t convince you surely you can explain why? Oh wait you address them by saying they’re irrelevant or implying the other person is a bad person. Well that doesn’t make a lot of sense, why would you call flaws in your argument irrelevant? Why would you attack my moral character without explaining why you weren’t convinced? I’m sure there’s some other benefit of the doubt I could give you, but honestly it’s getting hard to keep doing so.

So what am I left to think? The most likely, in my opinion, is That you’re just trying to show how awesome and great you are for caring so much about people that you are willing to even call out simple things to strangers OR you derive some enjoyment out of publicly showing people online they’re wrong when you GENUINELY believe they are. Tbh the first one is at least partially true to me, so that’s fine, but, as I said before, you haven’t really shown you were worth giving the benefit of the doubt to and that you are willing to use bad faith arguments.

THAT is why you “explaining the dangers of parasocial relationships” in THIS Thread the way you have been is actually you acting “Holier than thou”. Admittedly it might not be 100% the best phrase to use, but that’s more because I try not to use “virtue signaling” (the actual best phase imo) because it has been co opted by alt right shitheads and now has the connotation of a buzzword to dismiss ANY form of giving a shit. Does that answer your fucking question?

Honestly you’re probably gonna make fun of me for this big explanation and not even look at the TL;DR, and that’s fine, I probably should’ve tried to find a way to let this conversation go, but you really pissed me off. It’s not a good look to use a real societal problem to boost your own ego, but it’s fucking disgusting to do that, go in places where it’s not even an issue, and THEN act like you give a fuck and are trying to help just to make yourself look good. That is far more damaging to the people who this issue affects because it not only DOESNT ACTUALLY ADDRESS THE ISSUE, but it in fact MAKES PEOPLE THINK THE ISSUE IS TRIVIAL. People will be more likely to dismiss this issue because of people calling out things that aren’t part of the issue and THAT is far far FAR more damaging than a fucking sex joke.

[laudofthedeep]

“Hello. I’m actually rather surprised to see you here, you know.”

I looked around me but I couldn’t see anything. Not black, like being in a dark room. Just nothing. Well, nothing and Jack, although I didn’t know who he was at that point. He was wearing a drab, brown robe, like he usually does, only he had a hood pulled over his face. I bet he greets everyone like that, but he won’t tell me anything about his job except what I need to know.

“Do I…know you?”

“No, I expect you don’t. This is your first time seeing me, of course. Ah, but where are my manners? It’s terribly impolite of me to start in while I have the advantage of you. Well, okay, I just don’t want to scare you off. Maybe it can wait a moment longer. Let’s chat.”

As though a stranger hiding information from you because they don’t want to scare you isn’t off-putting. Leave it to Jack, though, to find the most unnerving way to put off a conversation he doesn’t want to have.

“I think you’re going to answer some questions for me unless you want my fist through your skull. Does that sound good?”

Well, Phoebe always said I was too rash. What can I say, I was used to that like working. And in my defense, it really was quite an unsettling situation.

“It seems reasonable enough, and I have no doubt you’re capable of it. Well, physically.” I could hear the grin from behind the hood. “You wouldn’t hurt and unarmed man, would you?”

I had the distinct feeling that if I pulled back his cloak right then, his arms would have been missing entirely. But he was right. I don’t start fights. I don’t kill people. Even in the height of my youth, before I met Phoebe, I wouldn’t do that. Probably couldn’t live with myself after. Of course, I’m plenty fine with roughing up some people who deserve it. It’s fun, it’s good exercise, it makes the world a better place. And to be honest, usually my reputation is enough that anyone who’s heard of me isn’t willing to try anything funny. So this guy, this stranger saying he knew me but still acting confident, not nervous at all, was making me a little unsure of myself. Not that much though. Just a little.

“I thought not.” He pulled down his hood to reveal…even having known him for decades at this point, Jack is hard to describe. He’s utterly unremarkable. The kind of face you glance over in a crowd and never think about again. Brown eyes, brown hair, no really distinct features at all. Just trying to remember his face is hard. I keep filling in with other faces, other features. My brother’s eyes, my son’s nose. But he didn’t look like them. It’s just hard to imagine such an average face. You’d understand if you saw him.

“It’s a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, Hal. Do you mind if I call you that, Hal? I’d try your full name but it’s a real doozy. Is it Hal-see-on? Hal-sigh-on? Halcian? Well, never mind that, Hal, I’ve really been looking forward to meeting you. I mean, it’s bittersweet of course, how we’re meeting and all, but you’ve done so many wonderful things! You’re a real hero, you kn-“

“Slow down, slow down. Who are you and how do you know me? And where are we anyway? I can’t see ANYthing! And what do you mean bittersw-“

“Ohoho! Is that a hint of panic I hear?” Jack said, leaning in conspiratorially. “Well, well, no need to be afraid! Nothing can hurt you here! Well, except for me,” he winked, “and I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that I wouldn’t stand a chance fighting you.”

“I’m not afraid of being hurt. But if y…” I trailed off, upset at him and myself. I had been about to admit to what did scare me. Jack’s always been to clever for anyone’s good.

“Of COURSE not! A hero would never be afraid of getting them self hurt! But I’d recommend you listen well, because…”

Sorry, but I’m skipping this next part. Don’t you and don’t anyone need to know just what it is that scares me. If just anyone knew a hero’s weakness, they wouldn’t be a hero. You understand. Let me think where to pick it back up.

…Jack held his hands up defensively. “I wouldn’t get too worked up about them if I were you. Or maybe I would. I’m not you, I don’t know. Ah, but what I do know is that you’re dead, and threatening me won’t help either of us.” His ever-present smile dropped as he spoke, and at his last words I felt my blood turn to ice.

“I…you’re lying. If I’m dead, then you must be dead too. I can’t talk to dead people. I can’t be dead.”

“Oooh,” Jack winced apologetically, “Hate go break it to you, bud, but that’s not quite right. Well, mostly. You can’t talk to dead people so you’re not all wrong. But I’m not dead! I’m your psychopomp! Well, the only psychopomp, really. You might know me as Death. Yes, yes, the rumors are true, I AM an incorrigible gambler, but lucky for you I’m willing to make an exception and forego the games entirely.”

“I don’t understand. How can I be dead? I can still think. I can still feel. Is this the afterlife? Just me and…you?” I chuckled grimly.

“Of course not! This is…well, think of it like a waiting room. I’m the one what tells you where you go next. Normally, this is where I’d take your hand and we’d skip happily into the great beyond. Eternal bliss, eternal torment, the vast expanse of oblivion,” he waved his arms about dramatically. “But you’re not normal, eh? What if I told you you could go back?”

Had he always been this close? Were we whispering this whole time? But no, my choice was clear.

“Yes. Send me back. Now.”

“Who-hoaaah, easy tiger, let’s not be hasty. This is a matter of life and death after all, don’t want to rush into anything!”

“No, I need to go back again. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“I mean, you’re a hero, of course you would. No one expects any less. But you really shouldn’t be so quick. ‘Whatever it takes’? I’m serious, really think about this.”

“I don’t have any time to lose. I have to s…just tell me what I have to do, what I have to give you. I have to go back.”

“I mean, I don’t know, that’s a lot of power you’re giving me. Are you sure you don’t want to think about it for a moment?”

Sometimes I think about how things might have gone if I had stopped here to think. I don’t regret my decision, and truthfully Jack has been quite generous in what he’s had me do. But I can’t help but wonder.

“I don’t need to think. Send me back. I’ll do anything.”

Jack smirked. “Well, I thought you’d say that. Don’t worry, I’m nice. Last guy probably would’ve made you regret that. Lucky for you, I’m a better gambler than he was.”

He stretched out his arms, popped his knuckles, cracked his neck.

“When you get back you’ll probably want to finish what you were doing when you died. Then, go see a man in Hathford, in the River Bar and Casino. His name is Jack Dawson. You’ll recognize him. Just do what he says and you’ll never have to worry about-“

That’s all he said. Stopped right there in the middle of his sentence, damnedest thing. Didn’t say nothing after that, ‘specially nothing debilitating. That’s how I met Jack, though. That’s all you needed to know, right?

im back at my parents’ house for a week and found some of my creative writing from high school/college should i post it?

if this gets one reblog im doing it

[rxsterek]

WIP Whenever

Saw the WIP Whenever and it looked fun. Idk if I’‘ll ever really post this fic but it’s been somewhere to go with my lltg feelings lately.

Shaoshang clenched her fists as she stared after the crown princess. She was tired of this. Tired of the palace games. Tired of the bullying. And she was tired of Huo Buyi being gone. She missed her husband. But she had learned. In the time she had spent in the palace and the 5 years in seclusion with the empress, she was able to hold herself in check… mostly. But if her hand slipped and she added salt instead of sugar the next time she made a dish for the crown prince and princess to try, well no one needed to know. 

Her time at the palace had taught her some hard lessons. While she could still get away with some inventive tricks, and her favorite was still when the crown prince and princess had come to check on her accounts and the ink splattered directly in the princess's face, it was getting harder. With the emperor stepping back more and the empress gone, Shaoshang knew her friends and influence in the palace grew smaller. And while she still didn’t like depending on Hou Buyi for protection and fighting her own battles, she was beginning to learn and see the advantage of having him talk to others or carry out punishment on her behalf. 

But this time, this was too much. One of the accounts was missing and Shaoshang knew it was there earlier. Judging by the smug look of the princess, she knew exactly where that missing piece was. 

“A Qi,” Shaoshang called out, knowing the man was around somewhere. Hou Buyi always left him to keep an eye out when the emperor sent him away. 

“Yes young mistress,” A Qi said, appearing at her side.

“Get the carriage. We’re returning to our home,” she said.

“Young Mistress?” he questioned.

“I’m not spending another night here. We’ll come back and forth, like we do when Huo Buyi is here,” she said, already setting off to pack up a few things for the night.

“But, Young Mistress. Young Master said we were to stay here until his return. It’s safer,” he said. 

“Safer for who?” Shaoshang asked, “If I stay here any longer, who knows what will happen or what tricks will be played.”

“Yes, Young Mistress,” A Qi said with a bow, before disappearing to ready the carriage. He knew exactly what she meant and while he wasn’t looking forward to the beating he would receive when the general learned he had let Shaoshang leave, he had a feeling it’d be better for everyone if they left the palace. He’d rather receive the beating than having to explain why Cheng Shaoshang was imprisoned or facing some form of punishment herself.

Shoshang blinked tiredly, as she stepped out of the carriage. But when she glanced up at the “Hou Residence”  sign she couldn’t help but smile, knowing what it meant to Huo Buyi and now her. She was home. It may not be their country home they talked about retiring to. But it was the place they had made home. Shaoshang accepted the hand down from the carriage and tiredly stumbled over the doorstep into the courtyard. She caught herself, suddenly missing Zisheng, realizing just how often he was there to catch her falls.. That didn’t matter now. What mattered was being home. She righted herself and shook her head before making the long walk to the first hall of their home.

[averagekanadekinnie]

I'm not very familiar with requesting but Sunny x reader where Sunny meets reader from the city after he moves, maybe from school or whatnot (you can decide the backstory) And the two become friends and then a bit more?? Reader is very cheerful and warm, but kinda reserved and a bit shy with affection, but does enjoy giving affection!

(OMORI) SUNNY meeting Y/N Post-Game

Small featuring KEL, AUBREY, BASIL, HERO, and MARI!

Type: Pure Fluff

Warning: Self doubt, mentions of omori spoilers

Proofread: no.. <:3

Note: This is so cute, I need a little bit of sunny being happy !! <:)

So, after finally moving out from FARAWAY TOWN with his MOM, SUNNY was pretty curious on how his new home would be.

So when he arrived, he was staring with a wide eye, the other being covered by an eye patch.

While him and his MOM were moving in their new house, you happen to be their neighbor, funny right?

SUNNY just stares at your yard, wondering if he should go over and say hello!

But he decided to just get settled in and ready for school tomorrow before trying to socialize.

So when it is time for school, he’ll need some help getting to his classes, and you happen to be near him

You noticed how confused he was, even if his face barely showed it.

You recognized him as your neighbor, so you walked over to him with a smile and asked if he needed some help.

"Hello, I noticed you seemed a bit confused! Since you’re new, do you need help with anything?"

SUNNY stared at you with a stoic expression before nodding and giving you his schedule without even saying a word.

You were taken aback but brushed it off to look at his schedule.

"..Okay! Let’s see.. I know where these classes are! You’re in.. 2 of my classes so that’s even better! Let me walk you around before classes start."

SUNNY once again nodded before following you around like an NPC.

After you showed him the last class, that’s when a conversation started.

"So here is your last class, hope I was helpful."

"…Yes, you were. Thank you."

Oh wow, he actually talked to you!

His voice was so quiet yet gentle.

"If you need anything, just come to me anytime, alright? I know you’re my next door neighbor so don’t be afraid."

"Okay, thank you…"

"Oh uh— my names (Y/N), and you..?"

"…SUNNY, thanks again, (Y/N)."

And that’s how you two hit it off! During those 2 classes he had with you, you hoped he sat next to you or at least near.

You were basically SUNNY’s only friend in this place for about.. 2 weeks.

He would slowly open up, as you would do the same as well!

He would quietly talk about his friends from his old town, and you would talk about things with him that you’re comfortable with

If you didn’t want to say anything cause you’re not ready, then SUNNY doesn’t mind one bit. He’s very patient no matter what.

..Just don’t ask why he has an eye patch, if you ask, just understand why he won’t answer and look uncomfortable.

He would NOT mention anything that’s happened in the game (DREAMWORLD, the incident, BASIL fight, SOMETHING, ETC) only mentioning that he had an older sister, that’s it.

SUNNY admires your reserve, yet cheerful personality and how you won’t try to pry in his personal business.

SUNNY’s MOM ADORES you! She finds you a sweet person and feels happy that SUNNY had managed to find someone like you in this new town.

After a few months, SUNNY starting feeling some romantic feelings for you, hooray!

He just admires you, for just being you!!!

SUNNY would act like a little kid and become your secret admirer.

If you love receiving love notes then SUNNY would write them 10x as much.

"..Oh! I got another love note, how sweet! I wonder who it is, don’t you SUNNY?"

SUNNY simply nodded.. even though he’s responsible for them.

But if you don’t enjoy the love notes, then SUNNY would immediately stop.

"..Oh, another love note.. I don’t wanna be rude but, these make me uncomfortable, right SUNNY?"

SUNNY simply nodded.. but he feels really bad now, even if his stoic face doesn’t show it.

When SUNNY finally confesses (with advice from his old friends every time he visits them), it’ll be a year of your friendship.

He hopes any romantic sign you were giving to him was true.

SUNNY is legit the type of person to just confessed then walk away immediately, without giving the person time to do anything.

"…I like you a lot."

"Huh?? W-Wait SUNNY—"

Too late, he’s gone in a flash.

You have to find him and tell him you reciprocate his feelings.

"About earlier.. SUNNY, I like you a lot too!"

SUNNY stares at you with a widened eye, his face flushed before nudging his hand to yours, as if he was trying to hold you hand. He slightly smiles at your words, happy his friendship wasn’t ruined.

In my personal opinion, I think SUNNY’s love language is QUALITY TIME (receiving/giving), WORDS of AFFIRMATION (receiving), and secretly PHYSICAL AFFECTION (receiving/secretly giving).

At first, he’s SO AWKWARD about physical affection and words of affirmation because..

It’s SUNNY, he’s so shy and awkward but we still love him

But to be fair you’re so shy when it comes to physical affection.

You felt a gentle nudge on your hand, your eyes/eyebrows perking up before turning to see what’s caused the nudge.

It was SUNNY’s very own hand.

He looks away with a red face yet a blank expression.

You face turns slightly red on what he’s trying to do,

He just wants to hold your hand bro,,,,

You smile before holding his hand with yours, an action that causes him to look at your hands intertwined before looking at you with the same blank expression, this time his eyes were widened.

"You can just ask if you want to hold hands, SUNNY. You don’t have to force yourself."

"..I wanted to."

You have basically won at life, you have a shy and quiet boyfriend who REALLY cares about you and your interests and will literally listen to you talk about the same thing for hours.

But sometimes, he doubts himself and definitely thinks you can do better than him.

Just—

Justvremind that you love him and will never replace him

PLEASE

Even if he doesn’t show signs of self doubting, he just needs reassurance

During the relationship, he might try to be a little bolder by giving you surprise back hugs.

Which would in fact, shock you a lot and be a bit flustered, which SUNNY finds kinda cute.

Oh my god, if you guys ever kiss, SUNNY will DIE.

Lips or not, he will overheat, STILL having that goddamn stoic expression.

Poor guy cannot handle it

He just, he just loves you ok

Whenever he visits FARAWAY TOWN, he talks about you to his friends 24/7/365

Like they’re kinda shocked that he has talked so much, especially someone they haven’t met!

If, by any chance, they visit SUNNY instead

SUNNY will ask beforehand if he can introduce you to his friends

And you don’t mind! Once he does, they already love you!

KEL likes your cheerful personality, and teaches you a bit about basketball!

AUBREY thinks your cool, your type of fashion is cool, she just thinks you’re cool. She congratulates you that you’re dating a mentally ill kid SUNNY!

BASIL would sneak some photos of you two like he use to do! SUNNY warns you beforehand don’t worry. BASIL wishes you good luck on your relationship.

If by any chance, HERO can visit as well, he gives you a pat on the back and asks to take care of SUNNY, since he’s been through a lot.

If you ever visit FARAWAY TOWN with SUNNY, be sure to visit his sisters grave.

He’ll appreciate it a lot. <:)

[sweetestofchaos]

You know what time it is! Let’s go!!!!

Ch 9

Have I said how much I love the mc? Bold as hell and I’m living for it. Yoongi is a little petty but hey, I would be too.

“Fine, take her. Go on a fucking museum, ice cream, narcotics shakedown date. Why not? Make a whole day of it.” - Yoongi

I cannot wait to see how this will turn out...might end up eating his words 😂 Waiiit a minute! Not Joonie checking mc out! Okay, okay...Namjoon is feeling something for the mc, their conversation in the car is a clear indicator!

Can we talk about the trust that Namjoon and Yoongi have? Even if it’s just to fuck around...that takes a LOT of trust be be willing to have a threesome. I mean come on, Yoongi is the family head! The boss! The top dog...and he’s sharing mc with Namjoon...

I have died, my soul has left my body all that’s left in my mind is “Sir. Daddy”....what a dream come true....Never mind, you play games! Damn, I can’t even be mad ‘case what the hell?! Jimin???!! Who hurt my sweet angle baby?

Ch 10

This really is the sweetest start to a semi-painful chapter. Bubble baths make everyone feel better! Just the image of the two of them in the tub together, just soaking in the warmth and love. Jimin really is a sweet lil demon.

Not Joonie saying “Party in the bathroom” at the same time I was thinking it. I love how comfortable everyone is with each other and that mc is fitting in well. She is part of their crazy, messed up puzzle and I’m all for it! Again with the trust! That has the be the sexist thing I have read in a while. Just everyone being okay with each other and Namjoon being so sweet to the mc while bathing her. I need to see his played out in real life...I will gladly cast myself as mc 🤭

Ah, yes, here comes reality. I almost forgot got about that. The raw emotions of fear, self doubt and insecurity. They such but to see both Namjoon and mc sharing those emotions at the same time is really powerful. The toothbrush was a nice touch, it really put everything into perspective (in my eyes). How easy is it to fit into someone else’s life? How hard is it to accept everything they come with before you entered their life? Like a toothbrush, it’s small, sturdy and easily kept...doesn’t take up much space but add a few more and things can get messy and crowed. Now this could be me reading more into than I need to, but it just stuck out to me.

The threesome was so freaking hot! I like how you slide smut into serious moments to show that everything is or can be okay in the end (if for the moment). Seeing the way Namjoon took care of mc was just so satisfying and needed. I think having oral as their first time together was perfect.

I’ve always had this feeling that Yoongi knew more about mc than he would let on...but now I’m think that he might have had something to do with murder. Like maybe his crew were the buzzing bees? He had to have known that people were trying to overthrow him 🤔

I was readying myself for some drama with Seokjin and Jungkook but the fact that you threw in a little humor before the tears? I can respect it! However, now the image of Seokjin on a harley is stuck in my mind and it won’t leave me alone.

I know the next chapter is going to kill me. I can just feel it. I really hope mc will be okay. If Namjoon has to chime in on the conversation, there is defiantly something going on that she doesn’t know about. We know how Yoongi gets when he can’t talk or form his thoughts, so Namjoon as the buffer is going to be wild...

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Yoongi x Reader, Namjoon x Reader, Yoongi x Namjoon word count: 11.7k mafia au, strangers to lovers, descriptions of violence and death, minor character death, reader treated as commodity, smut, angst, fluff, nsfw, explicit 21+  chapter warnings: daddy kink, fingering & oral sex, squirting, graphic depictions of violence with blood, vomiting, character injury

beta read by @neoneunnajimin! <3

Steam fogs up the en suite quickly as Yoongi’s large tub fills with hot water. Yoongi’s bathroom is, quite frankly, ridiculous. Everything is black marble with gold accents and light wood cabinet doors. Along one wall is a sink with two large vessel bowls and a large mirror. Past the sink and a modest toilet is a shower that is nearly a room of its own, with glass walls and doors, several ceiling-mounted shower heads and tile shelves along one wall. On the other side is a spacious cabinet across from the sink, and near the shower is a jacuzzi tub, which is large enough to fit four or five people.

Jimin sits on the closed lid of the toilet seat while you dig through Yoongi’s cabinets, sighing at the lack of bath-related items. While a glittery bath bomb may not be the best idea for a tub with jets, you had hoped for a nice scented bubble bath to act as aromatherapy to ease Jimin’s nerves.

“I’m going to run to my bathroom quickly, okay?” you ask, and Jimin nods, though his eyes stay glued to a fixed point ahead. 

You move quickly, scurrying from Yoongi’s room to yours. The mansion feels eerie with everyone gone or asleep and with most of the lights dimmed, so you opt not to linger and find out if it happens to be haunted as you run through your room to grab a bottle of eucalyptus-scented bubble bath and run back.

Keep reading

[earlgreydream]

doubts.

| loki x reader | fluff |

anon requested. loki kinda degraded sub!reader and she scrunches up all tiny and sobs afterwards because she thought he meant what he said

cw: slightly smutty, slightly angsty

You begged Loki to let you come, fighting against the magical restraints your dom had placed around your wrists and ankles. 

“Oh, you want to come so bad you’re crying? You desperate, pathetic whore. You’re so fucking filthy, have you no shame?” Loki sneered, the words sending arousal pooling deep in your belly, even though you fought against it. Your body jolted at the slap administered to your inner thigh, a pained cry escaping your lips. 

You’d been acting up and testing Loki’s patience, which is what earned you this punishment, your pleasure being dangled in front of you, just out of reach. You’d broken his rules, and he’d had enough of your attitude. 

“Come now before I change my mind,” Loki’s tone was dangerous, and the pressure inside of you shattered. He followed your lead, finishing inside of you before he pulled out and made the restraints vanish. 

As the pleasure wore off, his words echoing in your mind, You desperate, pathetic whore. You’re so fucking filthy, have you no shame?

Loki stood off of the bed, going to run you a hot shower. As soon as he’d stepped away, a sob tore through your chest, your shoulders heaving as you cried. You curled up in a ball, feeling small and alone on his massive bed. 

Loki heard you crying, and he felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. He abandoned the shower and ran to your side, kneeling down on the bed. You looked so tiny and fragile, folding in on yourself. His chest ached when he heard your soft sounds and saw the way your hands trembled as you tugged at your hair, trying to self-soothe. He reached out to pull your hands away, wanting to keep you from anxiously tearing the hair from your sensitive head.

“My darling-” his voice cracked when you jerked away from him. You hiccuped on your broken sobs as they wrecked you, emotion flooding every last thought and turning you into a mess. 

Loki’s magic sparked around you, cleaning you up and leaving you both in loose clothing. The green shimmer surrounded you, Loki’s fruitless attempt to touch you without frightening you. It was warm, and seemed to buzz with its own life, but didn’t make you feel any better. 

“My darling, have I hurt you? Tell me whatever is wrong so that I may fix it,” Loki begged, wanting nothing more than to pull you into his arms. 

“Don’t touch me, please,” you tried to catch your breath, wanting to get your keys and leave. 

He sank back, giving you space. His eyes were concerned and sad, and he fought against the urge to pierce into your mind, ripping the truth from you. The door vanished from the wall as you tried to run out, and you whipped around to face the god, who was kneeling on the bed and looking wounded. There was no exit, Loki keeping you contained to the bedroom until your devastation was resolved. 

“Y/N, I won’t let you leave when you’re so upset. You cannot drive safely. If you wish, I can take you anywhere you want to go,” Loki fretted, and though you knew he was right, you only grew more and more upset. 

“Come to me, darling,” Loki opened his arms, the authority in his voice making you comply. You knew this was a fight you couldn’t win. You’d end up in Loki’s arms confessing your pain whether by his will, or your own.

Your sobs broke his heart, and he slowly wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you down into his lap. He held you firmly, and eventually your struggling subsided as you let yourself weep against his chest. 

“Please don’t make me pry the truth out of you,” Loki begged softly into your hair. He didn’t want to add to your pain, he only wanted to fix it. He was very aware that sifting through your mind to take your private thoughts was something that made you feel extremely violated. He wanted you to tell him on your own, but he wouldn’t let you keep such heartbreaking secrets from him. 

“Y-you... did you mean what you said about me? That I was pathetic, and d-desperate and a whore?” You sobbed out, stammering over your words.

“Oh, oh my goodness. My darling, I am so sorry. I never meant any of that. I thought you understood I just said it in the scene... please my love, I adore you more than all of the stars. Never think you are not the most perfect, beautiful, eloquent, and lovely person in my eyes. I love you, I will never say such horrible things again.” Tears flowed freely down Loki’s face. You were startled, unused to seeing raw emotion from him, especially not guilt. It hadn’t occurred to you that the words Loki had spoken were just part of the scene, part of the sex you were having. He wasn’t typically fond of degradation, but he was experimenting in the moment, never expecting it to be received as genuine. 

There was no room for doubt in his words. He meant his love then, and he would spend the rest of his life proving his love to you.

His strong arms cradled you against his body, trying to hold you together.

“I’m so sorry, so sorry,” he breathed apologies like a repetitive prayer.

You listened to his heartbeat, letting the rhythm slow your racing mind. Your sobs eventually subsided, calmed by the steady circles of his hand on your back.

“I forgive you,” your lips moved against the underside of his jaw.

“Please always stop me, tell me then, if anything at all makes you feel even the slightest bit unsafe. I never want you to feel this way again, certainly not at my fault,” Loki begged, and you nodded before burying your face back in him.

“Do you still love me?”

“I love you the most,” you promised.

Loki talked you into staying the night, doting on you to the point you were almost smothered. His magic conjured everything you wanted, even in the back of your thoughts.

“Do you want to go get some?” He asked, and you turned, tilting your head in confusion.

“To Paris. For the macarons.”

“You’re reading my thoughts,” you sighed softly, but a smile graced your expression as you kissed him.

“No, I’m sleepy. Maybe tomorrow?” You asked, and he nodded, sweeping you off your feet and carrying you back to bed.

You situated yourself in his arms, your back against his chest. His larger frame shielded you, wrapping you in safety and warmth. You slept soundly with him, the pain and uncertainty from the afternoon long gone and replaced by his love.

The smell of coffee rose you out of your sleep. Your eyes took a few moments to adjust to the soft light spilling in through the windows, and you sat up, suddenly realizing you weren’t in Loki’s bedroom at his apartment, where you’d fallen asleep.

“Loki?!” You called, and he leaned in the doorway.

“Good morning. I didn’t mean to frighten you. We took a short trip in your sleep. We’re at my Paris flat.”

You smiled, stretching your arms above your head as you yawned. Loki put a coffee in your hands, leaning down and kissing your forehead.

“If I cry will you spoil me more often?” You teased lightly, and he shot you his signature dom look of warning, making you shudder.

“It breaks my heart to see you cry, my darling,” Loki’s tone was apologetic, guilt still left over from the day before. You squeezed his arm as you sipped your coffee.

“I’m okay,” you swore, earning another kiss from your lover.

“Mm. Finish that up and we’ll go to the patisserie down the street.”

“Yes, sir.”

He smiled, happy you were cheered up and back to normal. He moved his fingers and a pretty sundress appeared hanging on the back of the washroom door for you, delicate white flats placed below.

“Dressing me up like your little doll?”

“Careful, or I will dress you, after I get that attitude in line.”

“I love the dress. And I can put it on by myself,” you apologized, pecking his lips before walking to the bathroom.

You returned in the sundress, a white beret adorning your head along with it. You relished in the bright smile Loki rewarded you with. In a shimmer of green, he was dressed in pastels that matched your own. You loved to see him in casual clothes instead of the Asgardian armor he frequently wore, and he indulged you for this small Parisian vacation. 

“You look stunning, my darling.”

Giggles erupted from your lips, making Loki’s heart soften. He dipped his head down to kiss you, making your nose scrunch up in the cutest way that he loved. His long, slender fingers folded with yours, holding your hand as the two of you made your way out of the flat and onto the bustling street. You were thankful for the sunny weather, greatly improving your mood from the rough night in New York’s rain. 

“Feeling better?”

“Much,” you nodded.

“Let’s get some crepes. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect, Loki.”

The young god pecked your lips before pushing you inside of a patisserie. 

“Salut,” the girl working called to the two of you as the bell clinged on the door.

“Darling, what would you like? We can take some macarons to go,” Loki asked, pointing to the pastries behind the glass.

You chose a few, and Loki rattled off your order in French to the shopkeeper, taking the bag from her and moving you to sit at a table in the corner for your crepes. 

“Can we stay in Paris for a couple of days? Just us, not any of the distractions from New York,” you asked, leaning your head against his shoulder and accepting the bite he fed you. 

“Most certainly.” He kissed the sugar off of your lips before the two of you left for a park with your snacks for later. Loki held your hand as you walked along a low stone wall beside him, your eyes level with the extra height. 

“Y/N, you must know that you are so, so terribly loved.”

You turned and snaked your arms around his neck, looking deep into his crystal blue eyes.

“I do not doubt your love, Loki.”

[moemammon]

could i please request the obey me ! boyfies with an s/o who is like & chubby ? they get insecure about it (like being tall + chubby) and really are body-insecure to the point it’s like super frustrating too bc they want to express themselves through their outfits but absolutely hate clothes shopping and will break down bc of the amount of people, the clothing sizes, and being upset after trying things on... thank you so much!!

The Demon Bros react to a Body-Insecure GN!MC

(Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. This is something we hear all the time to the point that it almost feels dry and cliche. But! Just know that there's NOTHING wrong with the way you look, despite all the media we see centered around the world's idea of beauty. Beauty is subjective, and not eternal. Just be you. The best 'you' you can be!)

Lucifer

Do you REALLY think an age old demon would see anything wrong with what you look like? He's constantly surrounded by beauty, anyway, in the form of demons and angels alike

Besides, Luci isn't shallow enough to base his affections for you purely on how you look, so you don't even have to question that.

But he does recognize that you don't see yourself in the same like as he does, and he's so, so patient with you. After all, he can't have the love of his life doubting their self worth. The Avatar of Pride won't be having that.

Lucifer takes the time to tell you, everyday, what you mean to him. In the quiet moments when you two are alone, he'll guide your gaze to meet his own, and starts going down the list of the things that make you beautiful.

"To think you'd be self conscious about something like this.... Do you think I'd settle for anything less than perfection? Let me remind you again why I love every inch of you, MC."

Mammon

Taking up modeling gigs means Mammon's seen just about every body type under the sun, so do you seriously think he's that worried about the way you look?

He's a little slow to read the room, so it takes him a while to realize that you're self conscious. But when he tries taking you clothes shopping one day, and sees you're on the verge of tears after trying on two outfits, he gets the clue.

NOW he's being extra as hell in showing you how much he likes you. You start waking up to texts telling you how beautiful you are (with the obligatory threat that you'd better not show his brothers), he keeps putting his arm around you in public, and when he can muster up the courage, he'll even tell you in person how good you look in the outfit you're wearing.

He even starts sending you links to websites he visits to buy clothes. There's some good ones that have a wide range of customization options, and a pretty diverse size chart! It's not so bad if it's online, right?

"Anyone who's worthy of being around THE Great Mammon is worth a million grimm, understand? I don't really get all the fuss about yer body, but... I think ya look fine the way ya are. So smile a little more, alright?"

Levi

Levi can relate when it comes to body insecurities. He's a layabout, and the only exercise he gets is when he's forced to get it. He doesn't think he's much of a looker compared to his brothers, either.

So when you tell him how you feel about the way you look, he gathers up every ounce of otaku™️ strength to tell you that there's nothing wrong with your height, or weight.

He DEFINITELY values personality over looks, and even then it's not like he finds you unattractive. Seriously, he doesn't get your worries at all. Are you sure you can see properly..? They say staring at screens too long can mess up your eyesight, so maybe he should stop forcing you to watch so much tv with him?

And guess what? Levi can sew. Go ahead and bring him the clothes you wanna wear, and he'll get em fixed up for you! Or if you want something custom made, he's got you! Leave it to the master weeb and his endless cosplay knowledge! ✨

"L-Like in anime! It's boring to see the same body types all the time and it's nice when they change it up, s-so....Uh.... Anyway, I like everything about you, okay?! Your body is fine the way it is!"

Satan

According to his nerd calculations, you have no reason to be insecure.

Jokes aside, Satan listens to your concerns and handles them gently. No two people look alike and the world is full of different body types, so who's to decide what is and isn't beautiful?

As he sees it, you're healthy and happy, and isn't that all that matters? He can't take away your anxieties about shopping, but he CAN help you find things you would like to try out. He's pretty sure he has a book that teaches a spell for altering clothes in an instant....

Satan tends to think on the logical side of things, so you can trust that he isn't just saying nice things to spare your feelings. He means every word when he tells you how perfect you are in his eyes.

"Of the billions of people on earth, do you really think anyone can say what 'beauty' is? MC, you're perfect the way you are. Should I write a book about all the wonderful things I love about you?"

Asmo

If there's anyone who can appreciate all body types, it's Asmo. What can you expect from the Avatar of Lust, who's seen all there is to see? If anything, there's more for him to love~!

And his affection for your body isn't even entirely sexual. It's all about aesthetics! He loves every dip and curve of yours, from head to toe!

He knows you find it difficult to find clothes that suit you, so he's started having your clothes tailored. You're a little confused when he randomly starts taking your measurements one day-

Later, he returns to you with all those outfits you kept staring at a little too long, all tailored to your body type. Asmo has CONNECTIONS, baby. He's gonna make sure you find everything you could possibly want. He knows how crucial it is to express yourself through what you wear!

"Didn't I tell you you'd look great in that? I'm never wrong when it comes to fashion! And MC darling, you look as stunning as always! Ooh, I just love the way this accentuates your body~!"

Beel

Beel only has food on the brain, so he's the least likely to care for appearances. He loves you for your heart, because that's what matters the most to him. And when you're happy, he's happy!

He loves the look on your face when you smile at yourself in the mirror, and he wants to see that more often. So when you express your insecurities about your body, Beel has a plan of action in mind.

He hoists you up and settles you onto his bed, first grabbing your thighs, your hips, your torso, your arms, and ends all the touching by cupping your cheeks. His hands are warm with affection, and you could already feel yourself melting into his touch.

He looks you in the eye with that deadpan expression of his, pressing a soft kiss to your temple, and a potato chip to your lips.

"No matter how you look or what you wear, you're still the same MC that I love. Every part of you is just fine, so why do you worry so much about it? I'll remind you over and over if I have to."

Belphie

Um??? That means he has more to hold?? when you guys cuddle?? You're warm, you smell nice, and he loves you. Literally where is the downside to any of that???

Belphie takes your worries with a grain of salt, but he knows how insecure you are so he doesn't brush them off. He DOES however tell you that you're worrying yourself to death.

Also, do you really think a man that sleeps all the time is going to have washboard abs? Belphie definitely has a little chub here and there under those baggy ass clothes of his.

Speaking of clothes, he thinks you should just wear whatever makes you comfortable. You're wearing those clothes for yourself, aren't you? So just wear what you like.

"There you go again, talking badly about yourself. Geez.... I guess I'll just have to hold you in my arms until you realize how silly you're being. Come here."