#okay. okay. sorry. it's out of my system now

[tahbhie]

The Act of Writing Psychotic Characters 

Part 1: Attention vs Intention

It's been a while since I received this request, and I ensured I took my time with the thoughts, evaluation, and analysis. This topic will be covered in three parts, so here's the first.

Before we proceed, please note that I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, or any professional in that field. This is just an insight into how this kind of concept can fit into your novels.

Okay, let's begin.

The Attention vs Intention part of this topic will discuss two ways of portraying these type of characters in scenes. 

First, you need to understand that psychotic characters aren't psychotic based solely on their speeches or actions. If that's all you have in mind before approaching a story, you might leave a huge gap in the execution.

Rather, it's how they feel—the desire to satisfy their current emotions.

They have drives and motives, but most especially beliefs which, in most cases, are hardly understandable by other people. It's wrong and unacceptable by society, but to them, they wouldn't do it any differently.

That's why most psychotic characters have no remorse. You simply can't apologize or feel sorry if you don't 'believe' that you're in the wrong.

➜ Attention Psychosis

Psychotic characters whose main purpose in a story is limited to presence (i.e., showing up in scenes and visibly serving the role of a psychotic character) are attention psychotics. You don't flesh out their backstory or why they are who they are.

Their drives and motives aren't talked about enough to the point of justification. Readers hardly care about them, but the action they bring to the scene creates a rich narrative with the purpose of psychosis.

In summary, their role is minor. We see such cases in movies like The Babysitter.

Let's agree that none of the cult characters in that movie are exactly sane, as their main aim is to end their victims’ lives in the sickest ways possible. However, there's a certain character, Max, who simply enjoys the idea of "killing and seeing people bleed."

That has exceeded the central idea of being a cultist who gets involved in blood sacrifice to achieve their 'dream life' like the rest of the characters. It's now something more and different.

Something that has to do with homicidal ideation.

Max worked in a diner where he dealt with people that annoyed him so greatly that he wanted to kill them. So he got the opportunity to join a cult and do just that.

It was plain clear this guy had something else going on for him, but throughout the movie, his character had no special attention or even a peek into his thoughts. Although, it still worried the audience. Job done.

➜ Intention Psychosis

When a story is centered around a character's mental state, their motives, drives, beliefs, actions, and the story actually unfolds by going deeper into this concept, you have intention psychosis.

If not entirely, at least mostly, it defines the entire plot surrounding that character. People get to understand why they are who they are, their mode of action, what drives them, and even a peek into how they perceive the world around them.

Such scenarios are seen in movies like The Joker and Pyramid game (Korea). The audience gets a glimpse into their overall life and understands at least to an extent why they are the way they are.

Their beliefs get twisted for certain reasons, and there was just no stopping them. Here the characters were more than a presence; they were a central core.

In the movie Joker, we watched Arthur’s impoverished life unfold, with every event and incident worsening his condition further.

Baek Ha-rin in Pyramid Game literally created an entire game system to watch a student, who happened to be her old friend, suffer both physically and mentally. She went to great lengths to carry out this nefarious act under the guise of the game. Although this movie encompassed more than just this storyline, it was hard to ignore the unhealthy drive and actions of the young lady with an innocent face.

Before incorporating a psychotic character in your novel, determine their form of portrayal and appearance in the overall story. Are they going to serve as an attention psychotic or an intention psychotic?

Inspired by @sothera

Stay tuned for the next part!

۝ Before you go! ۝

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[katerinaaqu]

You are the most welcome! As you see I care for these more than what's healthy hahaha!

Hehehe that is because I think especially for Athena people wanna translate one over the other. The word γλαύκος (glaukos) means "light blue" short of like a grayish blue or almost white blue. That is also used to express "shine" so people prefer to say "shiny eyed Athena" instead. Personally I do not think the one cancels the other. Now it is the OTHER meaning of her eyes that is more interesting. That the word γλαύκα (glauka) means "owl" so that could also be "owl-eyed Athena" or "with the eyes of an owl". That could also be "wise" or smart-eyed as well in one way. Again in my mind the one is not mutually exclusive of the other (unlike the word "xanthos" that is referring to colors of a general spectrum oftentimes, the word "glaukos" as grayish light blue can still be translated as "shiny" and the "owl" part could be descriptive of the way her eyes look as well. If that makes sense. As opposed again to another color; cyan, which means of course "very dark blue" but it also is used as a subsitute for "black" which was also used in ancient greek art as well. So when someone for example reads the text where Odysseus's beard is described as "cyan" obviously the logical assumption is that it is called "black" and not "blue" hahahaha but artists go wild on Poseidon who is also referred to "of cyan hair" As for the amazingly poetic form of "wine-colored sea" one only needs to look at a cup of wine to realize what that means;

(Yes that is my cup and yes I drink wine from ceramic cups because I think the taste fits better and yes I poured it for demonstration and not sorry! XD)

Anyways as you see the color and the texture especially when seen through a non-diaphanous cup is this black, dark color, the essence of no end to its depth. That is what the Greeks saw when out the sea; a black-deep color and Homer couldn't find a better word for it honestly! There even was a guy swimming out the sea in the rain and made a short reel on instagram or tiktok about it and man it really fitted! Oh no doubt for centuries indeed! Poetic words, the way they fit with the metric system and all!

He really did and man yeah people often forget right? Agamemnon was his brother and arguably a father figure given the heavy intrigue between their family members in particular Agamemnon and his twin brother Thyestes. The family was a mess and cursed through the line of Tandalus. Their family is an endless rouse of betrayal, incest, murder and even cannibalism and the cycle of violence didn't end there for Menelaus also suffered the disgrace of his wife running away with Paris, his only daughter Hermione sent to Clytemnestra for keeping but Clytemnestra also lost her own interest in all other of her children and family when Agamemnon was forced by the gods to sacrifice his own daughter Iphigenia. She neglected or straight out abused all her other children. In Euripides Orestes we even see Orestes, Menelaus own dear nephew, going mad, he killed Aegisthus and Clytemnestra and in the play by Euripides he even takes Hermione hostage before the very eyes of Menelaus, holding a sword at her throat and he even went to kill Helen as well. Yeah the family was not doing okay! Yup! Aegisthus was the son of Thyestes with his own daughter. Thyestes was furious because Atreus, the father to Agamemnon and Menelaus, conspired with Thyestes's wife and killed his children and fed them to Thyestes! Yeah I am not kidding. Thyestes found out and was furious! Thus the whole thing with his daughter. Aegisthus was nourished with hatred for the Atreides and exiled them. They found shelter in Sparta and Tyndareus where Tyndareus helped them to get Mycenae back. Agamemnon married Clytremnestra as an arrangement to seal the deal and Menelaus was of course one of the suitors of Helen. Aegisthus was sent away and basically he came back as a lover to Clytemnestra and as a help to the murder of Agamemnon and later he ruled Mycenae for a little while till Orestes came back and killed him. So yeah Menelaus had no real slack in his life either! I even made a random post about him and Odysseus:

So...point and case. I even made some random thoughts on how TRULY DEPRESSED Menelaus was you can see here:

Yup it does make sense doesn't it? The Homeric Poems are first and foremost two giant songs that were meant to be sung in public thus the repetitive lyrics (pretty much like refraign and couple nowadays) and the whole thematic here and there that takes into consideration people who arrive later and need to be pitched in the plot. Yes I believe people make the mistake to think that the homeric poems were somehow books or novels thus they do not like literary choices such as the ones above. But once you see it as a song, all becomes clear doesn't it?

I couldn't have said it better and you brought yet another beautiful example with Sherlock Holmes! Yes it oftentimes pains me that nowadays we read these contexts and immediately people assume "ha! Homoerotic themes!" or "ha! Gay!" while we can as you said, might as well lament on the fact that platonic relationships are not written as warmly anymore! As if being warm with someone means romance only! And I love it how indeed people assume that the past was just a cold and unfriendly place where people were afraid of their emotions and then Homer is there like "REALLY!?" Honestly I have seen more emotion pouring freely in these old stories than anything written nowadays that we claim that we learn to express emotions! And these ancient texts use the most beautiful language ever! I couldn't agree more! Which is why I try when I write my fanfictions and retellings to bring it back! Dunno it bothers me as much as it bothers you!

It is only mentioned in one or two parts in Odyssey so it is understandable. It is easily forgettable given that even Homer didn't elaborate more for that and we have more post-homeric sources talk on that but yup! Prophecies are thrown on the table here and there and even then there is some talk in regards to that and yes given the situation maybe that wouldn't do much indeed because as you said someone came to Telemachus, Athena herself and Telemachus KNEW in the end that it was a god that was advising him and still he had his douts. It was SUCH a depressive moment to him.

Oh absolutely the law of Xenia was the primary reason! In fact I had replied to someone a long time ago on that. You can see my reply here:

it is that as well as the combination of the fact that technically Telemachus was not yet the official ruler so the suitors, ironically, were in theory ODYSSEUS'S guests rather than his own. Plus I remind you that Telemachus was 20 years old. The suitors arrived when he was much younger, at the age of roughly 16 years old, maybe 17. Telemachus has no experience in warfare despite the fact that it was proven he was a capable warrior and he had no real authority. He couldn't do much and obviously he couldn't start murdering people in his own house no matter how much he often wished to. Odysseus arrived, a man baked well in violence and war, experienced war veteran and strong warrior and above all with the blessings of a goddess for it so that made the slaughter possible.

I couldn't have said it better! It was in one way the return of Odysseus (although arguably not his last trip unfortunately for him since he has to go to the mainland and fulfill the prophecy of Tiresias) but it certainly was the first for Telemachus and this parallel traveling I think as you brilliantly stated is a beautiful and sweet thing and the way they both met after the end of their journey as well, like meeting in the middle! Man it absolutely is worth the tears!

You are very sweet! Thank you!

Oh I understand and arguably tumblr is a jungle! I understand completely!

I am honored to hear that! If anything it is the greatest reward to hear that someone gets inspired so! ^_^ I honestly hope to engage with you in conversations in the future because you honestly show great sensitivity and deep will to understand! And explore on your own and form your opinions as well which is the most important part when you read the texts; be aware of their context, open your mind to other horizons and finally form your own thoughts and feelings on them! That is what alltime classics do!

Telemachus is so much stronger than me for real. Cause if I had traveled for days, by sea AND land, arrived at the palace of my father's friend and my mother's cousin to humbly ask if they know anything about my missing father and instead of just fucking telling me already, this mf started a monologue about how gay he is for my dad and about the time he captured a God that granted him wishes three, I'd already be telling him to Hurry The Fuck Up. IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS, I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY.

But if the same motherfucker then turned around and told me that he had known FOR YEARS NOW that my dad is trapped on an island AND THE MOTHERFUCKER DIDN'T TELL ANYONE!!!! NOT A SINGLE LETTER!!! I would have already strangled Menelaus with that fucking blond hair of his in front of his wife and children, unhelpful son of a bitch.

[wondercourse]

Hey. So. I don't know @luckyclovercollective. Like at all. They commented on one of my posts in support of created systems/parts and that's pretty much the extent of my knowledge. But that's all I need to say this. To the anon who sent me an inbox message pretending to be this person:

Absolutely fucking foul behavior to impersonate someone to get your point across.

I try not to be an asshole, but this is really fucking gross.

Like, the inherent ick of this aside—because I really shouldn't need to say how nasty that is, for the record, but as much as I hate saying it I've seen it before in different kinds of syscourse—if you REALLY thought your points were valid, would you need to LIE ABOUT WHO YOU ARE to get your point across? Seriously?

You're opening someone up to harassment if they DON'T know that this person is pro-created systems. Fortunately I knew better thanks to them commenting on a post of mine, and even if I didn't know, most people that follow me HOPEFULLY know not to go harass people over this. At the very least they wouldn't impersonate others to get their point across. ;)

Anon, get out of my inbox. Don't try this shit with me. I don't tolerate it. Also, since you think I shouldn't support created systems, I think now is the time to make it clear:

I am a CDD system with two intentionally created parts. I am in full support of created systems and created parts/alters/headmates/etc. This is not something I see myself budging on. 👍🏾

If you take issue with that, say it to my face. Don't hide behind someone else's name, especially not someone who, afaik, is ALSO mixed-origin and ALSO in support of created systems/parts. Holy shit.

@luckyclovercollective I'm so sorry this is happening. What an absolutely insane thing for someone to do. I really hope you're doing okay and that no one's given you shit because of this anon.

[numetaljackdog]

AND. AND. these people do NOT know what a genre is. like rap, country, jazz, yes these of course are genres. but lots of real geniuses in the notes on that post are like ummm my least favorite genre is nepo baby top 40 pop music 😏 well MY least favorite genre is weezer 🙄 STOP TALKING AT ONCE. regardless of the quality one could try to ascribe to the music listed here it's all without a point!! because those!!!! are not genres!!!!!!! top 40 is not a genre!!!!!! do you dislike all the genres that currently have a presence on the top 40? i'll bet the fuck you don't!!!! especially bc then we're back to the previously resolved conversations about rap and country and how they are in fact, not deserving of the title of "worst genre." i don't care if you like weezer or not, but weezer is a rock band - do you dislike all rock?? or even all alternative rock??? do you think that somehow fits the mold of "worst genre," a style of music that... what, doesn't deserve to exist?? guess what!!!! that would be a dumbass thing to say too!!!!!!!!

and so on and so forth until we arrive at the obvious, easy-as-breathing-air solution, posited by my own dear mutual in the tags of the original post: there IS no worst genre!!!!!!! mystery fucking solved!!!!!!! all styles of music have equal potential for value because they are all vessels of human creation and expression!!!!!! all genres have some good material and some bad material and a whoooole lot of just okay material!!!!! and even those are clearly subjective it's just a matter of personal preference at a small scale and critical consensus at a larger scale!!!!! you fuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dendroaspis-viridis]

I'm begging you, BioWare... Learn from the mistakes of Baldur's Gates past...

[oceanwani]

some more silly stuff

katakuri and his weighted blanket

(this was originally just a lil doodle of rosi as a bunny but the katacora brain worms took over and I ended up with this)

[autumnwoodsdreamer]

I wish whoever was in the kitchen for Skeleton Crew had been there for Mando S3

[mecachrome]

oscar is a pedant who spent 10 minutes trying to teach fred how to say the word waffles and he's chronically online enough to have seen a majority of f1 memes and remember all the times his facial expressions have been turned into memes and the ethos of his character is generally that he's unerringly independent and self-assured and doesn't believe in idolatry, but he'll also patiently indulge lando when he takes an eternity to construct one single barely-comprehensible sentence, drop everything at a moment's notice to do anything lando asks him to do, continue staring at him like he's hung the moon despite the fact that he could avoid the Heart Eyes Piastri characterization by simply Not doing that, expend an unnatural amount of energy on validating all of lando's quiz answers and changing his own opinion whenever possible to match his, and last but not least say things like "where's lando? my teammate's abandoned me" "i guess kind of lando in some ways" and "i don't want to keep saying lando but he's the one i know the best, soo.... lando." and things of that nature

[hrokkall]

A solution has been found

The solution is portable

Technical implementation is possible and generally applicable

[muchmossymess]

hey we all agree that ed gets nightmares about ling absorbing the philosophers stone right

[itz-pandora]

Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIII THABK U FOR THE TRIVIA AND ASHE SONG before i take forever 2 answer those or forget here is a blank ticket to please please talk about prime defenders and their AWFUL emotional literacy and processing skills i would literally love to read that essay so much ive also been thinking about it incessantly. big eyes staring up at u.png. ok ok peace out GOODNIGHT !!!! <33

i lied actually im not going to bed im judt thinking about this ans listening to St. John on a loop now. hello catkiss.gif i forgot how youve filled me with so much joy. that cat is so fuckign cute

anyway. hi :) prime defenders huh. this is gonna be less of an essay and more of a sleepy ramble but ohhh i have so many thoughts. they all process things so differently and none of them are good at it they all need therapy so bad. ms.g where is the hero therapy why didnt you build that into w.a.t.c.h ma'am

vyncent is probably the best at actually processing things out of all of them, he just internalizes everything to the point where he wont talk about it unless hes pushed past the breaking point. vyncent is actually very.. emotionally intelligent? i want to say mature but that feels like im singling him out because hes the oldest. i just feel like because he grew up on Fauna and had to be in basically survival mode in a world full of monsters trying to kill you.. that makes a person grow up quicker than they should. i think vyncent had a good childhood and for the most part his parents took good care of him but just.. living in that world doesnt seem like it leaves room for a whole lot of expressing emotions. vyncent is good at quick analysis of a situation, but unless a problem directly interferes with the current goal he doesnt externalize it to everyone else. but bottling up his feelings and emotions just builds up pressure over time until something like the lich makes him blow up and let it all out at once, usually in a dramatic monologue format bc condi is really good at those god damn it. also they played off the fact that vyncent said all of that to the lich and then missed his attack as a funny thing but i like to think of it as. he got too overwhelmed w his emotions and lashed out too soon it made his fighting messy. vyncent is so angry and honestly after what hes been through he deserves to be !!!!

william wisp. my boy. god hes just like me fr so much so that it physically hurts sometimes. anyway. i always think back to the scene where theyre all in the cabin talking about themselves/sharing backstories and william keeps desperately trying not to talk about himself. the fact that hes so ashamed of his powers he hides wisp form every time. two of his powers are LITERALLY a) turning invisible and b) turning intangible, usually as an excuse to leave whatever situation hes in ("accidentally" falling through the floor at opportune moments in season 1) . theres. a thing that happens at the end of episode 13/beginning of epidode 14 that youre really close to and i wont spoil yet but god it has to do with this so extremely much please come back to my inbox when you get there. youll know what it is trust me. um. yeah. so anyway. i think a lot of this comes from a place of. he doesnt want anyone to be scared of him. williams not stupid hes incredibly smart and insightful he knows his powers are objectively SCARY. hes scared of himself constantly, he doesnt want anyone else to feel that way about him, so he shifts focus whenever those aspects of himself are brought up because if someone were to think about it for any amount of time theyd realize the truth that hes scary and dangerous to be around (<< william logic. hey remember how one of the reasons he originally left deadwood was because the monsters there were attracted to the wisps and therefore Him so he left to keep his friends/family out of danger)

i think a lot about williams death and the immediate aftermath, i dont know how much you actually know and how much of this comes later but . how does he go home after waking up from that. his parents know about his powers, so they MUST know what happened. what do you think he told them when he god home muddy and dirty and broken and probably bloody after being missing for. god knows how long. how does he look his mother in the eyes and tell her her little boy is dead. but hes also not because hes standing right in front of her. how the fuck do you think he felt the first time he went into wisp form and saw his body laying there !!! of course he wouldnt want to talk about that!!!! youre gonna have to pry william wisps emotions from his cold dead hands !!!!!!!

dakota's response to the ashe situation was to run away in the woods and do nothing but train for 10 months. he didnt think about it for 10 months. i dont even have a whole lot to say about dakota other than like. stunned silence whenever his inability to process trauma is brought up because grizzly does such an incredible job at being like "you ask dakota how hes doing and his face is just blank" << paraphrased actual quote from an episode i cannot remember which one. either 11 or 12 ?

also because im thinking about him im including ashe in this. we didnt get to see a whole lot of his canon reactions to extreme emotional situations so a lot of this is just coming from My Mind but ashe seems like hed be the type to repress a lot of his emotions too. being alone in your house/in your room for extended periods of time will do that to a guy. i think he feels a lot of things and will probably very openly cry/scream/get angry when hes alone but as soon as he knows another person is there he can immediately flip the switch to turn it all off like nothing happened. very much a deadpan "im fine." if someone asks how hes doing, even if hes got like. the remainder of tear tracks down his face. cannot physically express his emotions in the presence of someone else

[seventh-district]

Could've left me just the way you found me, but you came and put your wings around me. You went out of your way, to fix what you didn't break.

This song is so incredibly Sam & Darlin' coded and no one can tell me otherwise.

[lots of lyrical analysis below the cut] [there's also a short little fanfic blurb of them stargazing down there too (this post got really out of hand lmao)]

For those not fully caught up, note that the following commentary contains various spoilers for Sam and Darlin's stories.

Note: Unfortunately this song is gendered, using the word 'girl' several times. Which sucks a little bit for immersion purposes, not only for keeping Darlin' gender-neutral, but also because I see this song as a duet between them, and Darlin' obviously wouldn't be addressing Sam with the word 'girl' either. So! As with most songs on their playlist, we're just gonna mentally omit any gendered terms we come across.

Side note: Frustratingly, this is one of those songs that didn't really even need to gender the subject in the first place. No part of the story or message is lost without it. But alas, many songs are like that, and so the playlist-makers of the world shall continue to suffer. [/lh]

Anyways, preamble's over. It's lyric time now yay!

Sam's Part

I was a ten-year train wreck

Technically for Sam I suppose it was 13 years, but ten is close enough (and 'ten' admittedly flows a lot better in the rhythm of the song than 'thirteen' would.) Anyways, we're not here to split hairs, (I have to remind myself), we're just here to point out similarities.

In Sam's Dec. '22 HBW, he says "For the last 13 years or so I haven't had to care too much about how I look. Seemed a little redundant after turnin', considerin' I didn't wanna be around much'a anybody anyway."

I think he's mentioned or alluded to that roughly 13 year period of time more than once, but that's the one I remember best so it's the example I'm using. There's still about 4 Sam audios I've yet to listen to as of making this post, so if I'm missing some Key Lore I'll edit this later. But for now, I don't think Sam has given many specifics on exactly how bad things got during that time. Luckily, 'train wreck' is a pretty broad and subjective term, so it easily covers any degree to which he may have fallen apart during those years.

It also feels like a very 'him' way of quickly brushing over the details of his past/his hurt, as he seems to tend to do with Darlin', (not all the time ofc but it's still something I've noticed) putting his own hurt on the backburner to prioritize and attend to theirs. Even outside of his dynamic with them, I think as a healer, it's something he learned to do. And now he does it with everyone. Put on a brave face, compartmentalize things and unpack them later, etc. I could go on and on but there'll be time for that in other posts I'm sure. For now, lets get back to the song at hand.

With a last-call longneck

Due to personal reasons, I've yet to decide if I want to HC him as having used alcohol as a coping mechanism during that time. I don't recall him having mentioned alcohol much, if at all, (maybe one mention of whiskey that I don't have time to find right now) so I don't think it's necessarily canon that he did, but it's certainly possible. My personal preferences aside, I'll admit it makes for some good additional angst. (And- self-indulgently- it makes some other songs on my playlist for them more fitting.) So, for the sake of this song, let's imagine that he did.

I was searchin', I'd been hurt real bad

This one feels pretty self-explanatory given what Alexis did, (and, if you wanna get even angstier with it, whatever his family did earlier on in his life) so there isn't much commentary to add on my end.

I HC that in spite of 'not wanting to be around anybody', he- like Darlin- still had a tiny part of himself buried deep down that was, in a way, 'searching' for someone to find solace in. (No this isn't me projecting onto them both haha what are you talking about-)

Movin' on, gettin' sidetracked One step forward and five back

This is generally applicable enough that I don't feel the need to give too much of a specific example. Anyone who's recovered or is recovering from trauma knows this non-linear, back-and-forth struggle well already, and I'm sure he was no stranger to it.

If I were to give some examples though, I could point to Darlin's (and subsequently, Sam's) encounter with Alexis at the summit, or the shit that Quinn dredged up about Fredrick and threw at Sam in the interrogation room. Those are both more recent examples and I imagine these lines of the song to be coming from a place of him prior to meeting Darlin', but still, they're some instances where I'm sure he felt like the past was pulling him back in. I'm sure that there's been many throughout those 13 years that we were never witness to.

Not your fault, I was scared to fall

This line reminds me of their 'Cuddles and Confessions' audio. I don't think he ever explicitly said he was 'scared' per se, so afaik there's no specific line I can quote, but in that and every audio prior, he was obviously hesitant to admit, perhaps even to himself, that he was gradually falling for them. Even after the initial confession, there's certain limits of his (e.g. biting) that he carries for far longer, and some that I (and others) HC that he'll carry forever. So this line feels to me like him reassuring Darlin' that his reluctance isn't the fault of them, but his past.

Darlin's Part

You were the star in the pitch black Shine the way on the way back

We don't have any canon instances of them comparing Sam to a star, but I can see it being something they'd say (perhaps less poetically, but the sentiment would be there) one night while laying up on their roof watching the stars with him. Maybe they're dead-tired, talking nonsense with lidded eyes at the end of a long day, fighting sleep in favor of more time spent with him.

"What- what're you pointin' at Darlin'?"

Their hazy focus is trained on the brightest star visible in their line of sight, arm stretched out to the sky above them. "That really bright one, to the... to the left."

Sam does his best to follow their less-than-specific directions of 'to the left', their pointed finger doing little to help given the difference in perspective. Luckily, after all these years, he knows this stretch of night sky like the back of his hand, so it isn't hard to locate the brightest one. Ghosting his fingers up along their arm, he takes their hand in his and brings it back down to earth. "Okay, yeah, I see it now. What about it though?"

"That's you." They say, matter-of-factly.

"That's me?" He questions, humor in his tone.

"Mhm." They nod with finality, blinking slow.

Sam considers the odd statement for a moment before gently correcting them. "I'm uh, I'm pretty sure that's Sirius, actually."

They scoff. "I am being serious."

Sam stifles a laugh into their hair. "No- no I mean- like... what's another name for it... Oh! It's also called the Dog Star."

"C'mon Sam, at least call it the Wolf Star if you're trying to turn this around on me..."

He shakes his head and readies himself to explain further, but they cut him off before he can start. "But no- no, this one isn't about me. That's you."

He decides to play along, finding something endearing in their overtired nonsense. "Okay... then would'ja be so kind as to explain to this confused old man just how, or why that star is me?"

Their frown is audible in their voice as they latch onto the wrong part of his sentence. "You're not old, Sam. ...Do I need to tell Asher to kick the jokes down a notch?"

He smiles at their over-protectivity. "There'll be no need for that, now. Was just a joke, darlin', I promise."

They huff, but thankfully shift focus back to the prior topic. "It's... I dunno. It's just you, Sam. It's... bright. Light. Something warm, out there in the cold dark. Standing out amongst all the rest. Calling to me, stealing my attention. I... I didn't come out here looking for it, but there it is. ...There you were. In the dark. The only bright thing I'd seen in... fuck, in years. Years of chasing fleeting warmth, tripping over myself in the pitch black, falling into... places 'n people I shouldn't have. You were the light in that darkness. Even there, surrounded by the ghost of him. You outshone it. Your warmth didn't hurt. I didn't have to squint when I looked at you. You weren't the blinding sun. You were the brightest star I'd ever seen. You guided me back home."

In the back of their mind, they recall something they once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can see a star that's already burnt out, because it's light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.

They remember Sam's words, once whispered to them on this very roof.

"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."

They think about dead stars.

They think about time.

"...-lin'? Darlin'?" Sam's calloused hand slides up their forearm, pulling them out of their thoughts. "There you are. Think I lost ya' for a minute there... you good?"

They look up at Sam, concern creasing his features, shadows cast across his face from the light of the dying stars above him.

They reach out, pulling him down into them. Burying their face into his collar, Sam's concern grows when he feels it saturate with tears. A human might struggle to hear their words, muffled against the thick fabric, but his hearing catches it just fine.

"Don't burn out too quick. Please. I still need you here. I don't- I don't wanna be left in the dark again. Please, please Sam. Don't leave me here. I'm not selfish enough to ask you for forever, but please. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."

.......Whoopsies! Really, genuinely didn't mean to improv an entire scene there, good god. Also didn't mean to swerve hard into angst at the end but uh. that's what came out! so I'm rolling with it lmao. Aaanyways let's move on, it's getting late and this is a song analysis post, not a fic.

Out of nowhere, answered all my prayers

'Out of nowhere' reminds me of Sam's words from the same HBW video I referenced earlier. "You came into my life like a damn wreckin' ball. There was no preparing for that, clothing or otherwise." While those were Sam's words, not Darlin's, I still feel like they feel similarly to how suddenly Sam came into their life as well. (Not in a bad way, mind you!)

[the significance of 'answered all my prayers' edges into my own personal more headcanon-y/personal/OC-ified Darlin' territory, so we can just gloss over this one for the sake of at least attempting to keep this more universally applicable]

Picked up the towel that I threw in Took in a heart that was ruined

Again, largely self-explanatory I feel. (*proceeds to explain anyways*) I imagine that Darlin' was at the point of throwing in the towel, hellbent on a solo-mission to find Quinn regardless of the danger it posed to them. I doubt they were looking toward the future anymore, (to reference Sam,) fully willing to throw themself at their problems until they really did break.

The specific use of 'ruined' hits hard here, because after everything they went through with Quinn, and especially after he recounted it all to Sam in that interrogation room, I imagine that they really, truly did feel ruined.

Showed me the past ain't a tattoo Loved me even when you didn't have to

These lines in particular make me sick with emotion every time I hear this song, because I feel like they hit the nail on the head for how Darlin' feels.

I'll be here citing various quotes all night that I feel showcase that sentiment, but we don't have time for that! So instead I'm just pointing to the entirety of 'Quinn's Aftermath' video, and leaving you with this single quote from it.

"Everything that he said reflects nothin' on you, and everything on him."

Equally Applicable Lines

And I don't know why Why you saw something in me, baby But you saw right through All the pain, and you came and saved me Yeah, I know you didn't leave me lonely Weren't the one that put the heartbreak on me Picked up the pieces It wasn't the mess that you made Could've left me just the way you found me But you came and put your wings around me You went out of your way To fix what you didn't break

Again, I think these lines are all pretty self-explanatory, and are just as accurate coming from either one of them. To me, at least, their entire dynamic is that they saved each other, in their own ways.

(But I will admit, the final verses about 'going out of your way to fix what you didn't break' are definitely conjuring up memories of Sam in the early days, literally going out of his way to visit and heal Darlin' after their fight with the two vamps. In general, his continued/repeated healing of them after they once again hurt themselves is the very literal definition of fixing what he didn't break.

But! While we may have more blatant examples of Sam being 'the fixer' so to speak, I think he'd argue that Darlin' has done plenty fixing of their own. Physical wounds aren't the only things that need healing, after all.)

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[shameless self-promo of my Sam & Darlin' playlist for those few of u interested enough to make it to the very end of this wall of text. if u liked this then u might like some of the other songs on there soooo maybe go check it out and maybe perhaps give it a follow so i can get a little serotonin boost or dopamine or whatever the chemical is that's released when Number Go Up. ...okay that's it i hope u enjoyed my fixation-induced ramblings! thank u and goodnight]

[viorhysealberia]

hot take: not that it matters, but I truly don’t think lazy people actually exist. even if we DO run with the truly heartless idea that everyone has to be “useful” for the right to live, everyone wants to be “useful”. Everyone wants to do something. Nobody wants to completely waste away doing nothing, that’s just not the nature of living. They just don’t have the drive to go with the options the government has decided are worth having the right to live for. And they shouldn’t have to.

[runawaymun]

.

[dandyshucks]

i am freeeeeeeee [collapses into a pile of dust]