#okay. okay. OKAY.

[louandhazaf]

Would you like a new snippet?

Louis took a deep breath, in through his nose and out through his lips. He hated wearing a suit, even if this one was on the fashionable side - with soft fabric and a bright racing stripe down the leg - and he resisted the urge to shove his hands in the pockets to try and hide the tremor in his fingers. He had never signed up for this part of the job.

And probably would’ve rejected the thing outright had he thought too hard about the speech giving aspect.

But it was too late now.

The gathered crowd and press were focused on Mario, the forever face of the Penguins and once teammate of Louis, as he finished up his own speech - welcoming everyone and waxing nostalgic about their time together - so Louis looked over at the jersey on display off to the side of the stage. The 28 in familiar colors. And there, next to it… it couldn’t be.

Louis’ breath hitched. He hadn’t thought of him in years. But there he was, older, of course, with shorter hair but still impeccably dressed.

Harry Styles.

[nosferatufaggot]

I've been watching Tangled the Series and I'm watching the movie right now and something confuses me.

The magical flower has SIX petals! And it appears that the armor on the Corona guards represents the sun, due to the magic flower that came from a drop of the sun. So of the magic sun flower has SIX petals, why does the symbol of Corona have seven rays of sun? Like, the rays of sun are obviously supposed to resemble the petals of a flower, so why this discrepancy? Why? Why?? WHY!?

[queenofbaws]

Okay, so I've been thinking nonstop about Ashley having a crush on one Chris Hackett ever since you joked about it, and I think (hope) that I reached the same plane of existance that you did because I'm obsessed now. Cause while the rest of the hacketteers are confused, you know poor Caleb and Kaylee are downright horrified because 'oh my god, that's our dad what is WRONG with you??????' dhdjskshsks

And, just because I think it just makes things even funnier for me, I also like to think that while og Chris is still completely oblivious to the crush she has on him, he manages to clock the one on Mr H in *seconds*. You know that he would spend the entire summer sulking and wondering wtf chackett has that he doesn't and resenting him even more for it. Which makes the whole being terrified that Mr. H is a vision of his future even more confusing cause apparently Ashley is into that? And what the hell does he have Chris doesn't?

Basically it's the most confusing and insane summer that they've ever had. Ashley with the weirdest and most confusing crushes (to anyone else), and Chris with the weirdest and most confusing identity crisis (to himself). Meanwhile, Josh spends the entire summer face planted onto a picnic table wondering what on earth he did to deserve having these two complete absolute morons are his best friends AHDJDLSNSHD

"This is the weirdest fuckin' thing that's ever happened around here," Kaylee said, and without bothering to check whether anyone else was looking her way, she turned and very pointedly caught her brother's eye before adding, "and I'm countin'...everything."

"Oh come on, don't be such a fuddy-duddy," Emma laughed, giving Kaylee's hair a tousle. Her smile faded when she turned back towards the general store, though, turning into something a little closer to a grimace as she continued, "I'm sure...lots of people have crushed on Mr. H in the past! He's..." She tilted her head to the side, trying to get a better (or at least different angle on him), "...non-threatening."

Emily made a noise at that, her eyes coming distressingly close to rolling all the way back into her skull. "That's definitely a word, I'll give you that."

"Yeah!" agreed Abi, nodding maybe less enthusiastically as she might've, had they been talking about...literally anything else. "And I mean, um...I mean...it makes sense, doesn't it? Because...him and Chris are like..."

"The same person?" Echoing Abi's nod, Sam smiled. It didn't quite come off as friendly as she'd meant for it to be, not when she already sensed Josh plotting. "Yeah. Yeah, they are. Sort of. I get the feeling Mr. H wouldn't lie down and die if he found himself lost in the middle of the woods, though. Or, y'know. A public park. Chris might."

"I think you mean would," said Jess. "Chris would die in the middle of the woods. Pretty sure we all freaking saw the proof of that." She held her hands out and, as she'd known they would, the rest of the Blackwood kids nodded and made sounds of agreement, remembering exactly how miserable he'd been during their ill-fated night on the mountain. "But at least he's not always wearing khaki, blech. Like, the 1950s called, Mr. H. They want their whole deal back."

"No one," Kaylee interrupted amid a full-body shudder, pulling her legs up onto the picnic table bench with the rest of her, "not a single person on Earth has ever liked Dad. Ever."

"Bad news, pipsqueak. Guy's got two kids. That means someone liked him once. Someone liked him a whole l - ow!" Jacob whirled around with an indignant "Dude!" but Matt just shook his head, chopping one of his hands across the air in front of his throat to get him to cut it out. "I'm just saying."

It wasn't often Caleb said much, not around the rest of them anyway, but when he did, it usually packed a hell of a punch. This was no exception. "Nah, Kay's right. This is...I don't know what it is, but nah, no one's ever had a crush on Dad. No one except Ryan, maybe."

Kaitlyn choked on her drink, giving Sierra Mist a whole new meaning as she sprayed Jacob with a mouthful of soda. Dylan wasn't much better off, rocking on his seat as though someone had hauled off and slapped him across the face. He recovered quicker than she did, his usual mask of nonchalance slipping back over his face as he snickered, "Uh huh. Sure. Riiight. Because Mr. H is totally Ryan's type."

The laughter that overtook the table - the perplexed, uncertain, uncomfortable, strained laughter - fell to perfect silence when Ryan opened his mouth.

"I mean..." was all he got out.

The table erupted again, though that time, uh, not in laughter. You'd've thought someone had whipped a dead chipmunk out onto the table, so impassioned were the "Oh God!"s and the "No way!"s and the "Holy shit!"s as arms were flung into the air and people stood from where they'd been sitting and hell just sort of genuinely broke loose.

The only one who didn't seem to react much (if at all) was Josh, who continued to sit with his chin in his hand and a glower on his face. He was getting too old for this shit.

(please don't count, this is definitely JUST) six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[morganbritton132]

Me: You know how when you were a kid and you’d wish that you’d get sick or injured in a way that would justify why you didn’t live up to your potential?

Everybody, apparently: No?

[mintjaan]

When you choose "I'm bald" on a poll this is what you're saying

[codecicle]

MY FAVORITE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS' PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE!!!!

[cuntylouis]

Ignoring the real possibility he intentionally let himself be caught from the little we know so far Luigi Mangione's case is a fascinating combination of astonishing brilliance and confusing stupidity. This young man plans and executes his assassination and escape with such a meticulous care and calmness that it's suspected that he's a professional hitman. He comes up with Riddler-sque moves like writing his manifesto poetically on the bullets and leaving his backpack behind full of Monopoly money. He carefully wears a mask to avoid being identified but removes it because a woman who was checking him into the hostel was flirting with him and wanted to see his smile. He still manages to escape the most surveilled city in the country in the midst of ongoing national manhunt only to get caught in the middle of bumfuck nowhere Pennsylvania while eating at the McDonalds. Because for some reason he had the same clothes and mask as in New York and was carrying the same gun and suppressor. And when the cops detained him he showed them the same fake id he used in New York. And oh yeah he's a frat bro gym rat who has a masters degree in computer science from Penn but reads stupid self-help books about being on the grind and is 'anti-woke' while being bisexual suffering from anxiety and wanting to end oppressive capitalism. Not even god himself could invent a person like this

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

[violetsandshrikes]

kind of obsessed with this comment from the aoteaora nz subreddit….

[dredsina]

Ive said this before but swear the biggest skill to learn as an adult is how to resist high-pressure sales tactics. You do NOT have to answer questions with anything other than "Sorry I'm not interested." No matter how nice they are or no matter how many follow up questions they ask or even how agitated they get when you stand your ground. Just keep saying I'm not interested. Don't answer their questions. Don't give them an opening to try to push back on your reasons. Be a fucking brick wall of I'm not interested.

[lettuccine]

i cant stop thinking about a post by @possamble so i made this

inspired by this

based on a fanart by BugsGay on twitter

[daftpatience]

this messed up vintage cat sewing pattern has tormented me since i saw it & like some other folks have done in that post - i tried my hand at tweaking the pattern to resemble the illustration (and my personal tastes) a little more. i've ended up with this. i bestow it upon you nice folks now 👐

(update 2, added instructions & it's also on my Kofi!)

go forth and make weird little beanbag kittens! pls show me if you do!

[linkcharacter]

Thank you, Swansea.

[heph]

Yall ever think about how Ford had to relearn how to be a normal human being after 30 years of isolation

[apollos-boyfriend]

i was cuddling with my boyfriend last night when his shoulder started tensing up (like he was readjusting or gently pushing me off) and when i asked him if he was okay or needed me to move or something he went “no you’re fine, i was just imagining myself pulling a large rope. i didn’t even realize my shoulder was doing that lmao” then refused to elaborate and i have never been as attracted to him as i was in that moment.