#okay so this post still ended up being super long
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vixenanswers Ā· 10 months ago
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Hello :)
I would love to see an example of a school playlist! (Doesnā€™t have to be lofi)
Hey there Anon!
So in this post I talked about ways to romanticize school and one of them is to create different playlists for different vibes. Iā€™m just going to give you a few songs per playlists so that this post doesnā€™t become too long, but I hope youā€™ll enjoy them ā™„ļø
Getting ready in the morning (still trying to wake yourself up)
Suddenly I See ~ KT Tunstall
Someone New ~ Kakkmaddafakka
Feather ~ Sabrina Carpenter
love is embarrassing ~ Olivia Rodrigo
Ein bisschen mehr Liebe ~ RAUM27
Umazane Misli ~ Joker Out
Lunchtime ~ Spacey Jane
Daylight ~ Harry Styles
Juice ~ BlƦst
SUPERMODEL ~ MĆ„neskin
Oft gesagt ~ RAUM27
3005 ~ Childish Gambino
Dice ~ Leoniden
Restless ~ Kakkmaddafakka
Walking/driving to school (main character vibes)
Brazil ~ Declan McKenna
Bad Moon Rising ~ Creedence Clearwater Revival
I Walk This Earth All By Myself ~ EKKSTACY
Retro (Rough) ~ Childish Gambino
End of Beginning ~ Djo
Think About Things ~ DaĆ°i Freyr
Plattenbaum ~ RAUM27
MorirĆ² da re ~ MĆ„neskin
pretty isnā€™t pretty ~ Olivia Rodrigo
Crazy Little Thing Called Love ~ Queen
Obvious Guy ~ Alfie Templeman
betty ~ Taylor Swift
Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa ~ FINNEAS
For Elise ~ Saint Motel
Day ā€˜nā€™ Nite ~ Kid Cudi
Studying during your free period (mysteriously sitting in a corner)
Killer Queen ~ Queen
I Want To Hold Your Hand ~ The Beatles
Fortunate Son ~ Creedence Clearwater Revival
Shattered Dreams ~ Johnny Hates Jazz
I Wanna Be Sedated ~ Rockaway Bitch
Sympathy For The Devil ~ The Rolling Stones
Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy ~ Queen
Harness you Hopes (B-side) ~ Pavement
The Joker ~ Steve Miller Band
She Drives Me Crazy ~ Fine Young Cannibals
(Donā€™t Fear) The Reaper ~ Blue Ɩyster Cult
Walk This Way ~ Aerosmith
Another One Bites The Dust ~ Queen
Go Your Own Way ~ Fleetwood Mac
You Ainā€™t Seen Nothing Yet ~ Bachman-Turner Overdrive
Glass Onion ~ The Beatles
Coming home after school (letting out the frustration)
Brutal ~ Olivia Rodrigo
KOOL KIDS ~ MĆ„neskin
Bad Reputation ~ Joan Jett
Celebrity Skin ~ Hole
Vermiss dich ~ RAUM27
Just a Girl ~ No Doubt
Dark Side ~ Blind Channel
Funeral ~ Leoniden
LA FINE ~ MĆ„neskin
All American Bitch ~ Olivia Rodrigo
For a dark academia vibe
Waltz No.2 ~ Cihat Askin
Time Will Come ~ Tol-Puddle Martyrs
Dance of the Knights ~ Sergei Prokofjew
Lacrimosa ~ (performed by) Vienna Mozart Orchestra
Danse Macabre, Op. 40 ~ Camille Saint-Saƫns
Honestly anything by Aija Alsiņa sheā€™s amazing
Or anything by Igor Levit, heā€™s great too
Calming down in the evening
Booster Seat ~ Spacey Jane
Kill Bill ~ SZA
Twilight Time ~ The Platters
War With Heaven ~ keshi
Bring It On Home To Me ~ Elvin Bishop
Galapagos ~ Kakkmaddafakka
0471 ~ RAUM27
Glitch ~ Taylor Swift
lacy ~ Olivia Rodrigo
Little Sad Eyes ~ The Castells
My favourite Albums to study too
SOUR ~ Olivia Rodrigo
emails i canā€™t send ~ Sabrina Carpenter
Because the Internet ~ Childish Gambino
Kauai ~ Childish Gambino
Bridge Over Troubled Water ~ Simon & Garfunkel
Hozier ~ Hozier
Stick Season (Forever) ~ Noah Kahan
folklore ~ Taylor Swift
evermore ~ Taylor Swift
Harryā€™s House ~ Harry Styles
To Feel Something At All ~ KYTES
Happiness in Liquid Form - EP ~ Alfie Templeman
Anfangen Anzufangen ~ RAUM27
AM ~ Arctic Monkeys
Rumours ~ Fleetwood Mac
-> My Spotify & Apple Music
For even more playlists :)
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caxycreations Ā· 1 year ago
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Okay, I've been nerd sniped, I'm sorry
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NOTE: If you're going to reblog just to say "not reading that" or some other rude shit, DON'T. I've seen so many notifications of people just saying they couldn't be bothered to read it. I don't know if it's just that they don't see how incredibly rude and disheartening that is or if they know and don't care, but either way it really hurts to see, so please don't reblog if it's just to tell me you won't read it.
So let's go through the canonical likelihood they could each beat Goku. For the sake of keeping canon, we'll keep groups/pairs together if they would never reasonably be apart for something like this. Long post below the cut.
So first up are the ones I see that would, without a doubt, beat Goku.
Saiki K
Saiki is an omnipotent psychic/psionic with quite literally every single possible power out there. Now, this on its own isn't enough to beat Goku. Versatility doesn't mean everything, but Saiki is also powerful enough to rewrite the genetics and reality of everything within range, and his range is, so far, "Earth".
So this, on its own, would allow him to rewrite Goku's biology to make him Human. Bye bye zenkai boosts, bye bye Saiyan transformations. And Saiki, with his powers, has no trouble beating a Human of any caliber if he truly wanted to. And for those who ask "Why would he ever fight Goku?"
One simple reason: Goku would sense his immense power, and be excited for a fight. Goku is respectful enough to not force one if he's refused, but he's persistent enough to badger Saiki until he's given a chance. And Saiki, being Saiki, would simply take off one of his limiters, or both, and rewrite reality as such: "Being an alien isn't possible", thereby making it effective immediately that Goku must be lying/insane, and he is, in fact, Human. Easy win for Saiki.
And for those who would argue against this, bear in mind, the funniest way to beat Goku in this instance would be to simply make him weaker than Saiki, and Saiki is a gag character from a gag series, and it's already been shown in the world of Dragon Ball, and again in Dragon Ball Super, that Goku is incapable of defeating a gag character regardless of that characters canonical ability.
Saiki could win without gag character status, but even in the instance of Goku "beating" him, the gag would turn out to be that Saiki only pretended to get beaten, and is actually entirely unharmed because it was the easiest way to get Goku to leave him alone. Followed by a reveal that Goku will still show up now and then to ask for sparring matches, to drive the point home.
Popeye
Gag character. Would get beaten handily, crawl his way to spinach, and then be exactly as strong as he needs to be to take Goku down in however many hits is funniest.
Bugs Bunny
The gag character to end all gag characters. Someone on this hellsite once described Bugs as a "Trickster God who traps us in our own societal expectations" or some such. Like convincing Thanos to remove the Infinity Gauntlet by establishing a security checkpoint with a metal detector and shaming him into cooperating by telling him there's others waiting.
He could beat Goku in a billion ways, and each and every one of them would involve some shenanigan like Goku throwing a spirit bomb, Bugs showing up behind him holding it, saying "Ehhh, can you hold this for a second?" and as soon as Goku takes it and Bugs is off-screen, it would explode and Goku would be a pile of ashes with blinking eyes. Bugs would win because Bugs' gag is that...well, he simply can't be beaten.
The Warner Trio
Gag trio. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot would snark, sass, and sarcastic-joke their way into the scene, and they would spend the entire time poking fun at him, roasting his look, being unfazed by his attacks because "Nice laser show but we didn't bring our glowsticks." and just being too unbothered to care.
They would undoubtedly annoy Goku into admitting defeat simply to get away from them.
Road Runner
Gag character. Would force Goku to chase him, Goku would fire some blasts, chase him around, and inevitably be led right into the path of a blast he fired earlier to be disintegrated by it.
Pop Team Epic
I know nothing about this series except that it is a gag series. They are gag characters. That means Goku is inherently incapable of beating them.
ASDF Guy
Gag character. Could beat Goku with a simple "Hello, Mine-Turtle!" or "I like Trains."
Heart Diagram
Goku was literally killed by a heart virus in Future Trunks' timeline. This is one that has actually canonically already killed Goku.
Chowder
Gag character. Would likely be after S-Cells for some recipe and need to take Goku's as he's "The only Saiyan in this episode!" or some such, thereby ending the fight with a shot of Chowder wearing Goku's Gi for comedic effect while Dahl stirs raw Super Saiyan aura in a pot to hint that Chowder killed Goku for his S-Cells.
Force Ghost Trio
Gag versions of serious characters, and also ghosts. Goku is canonically unable to beat ghosts or gag characters, and these guys are both.
Those are the ones that would, without a doubt, beat Goku.
Now, let's go over the ones that could, potentially, be it likely or unlikely.
Kirby
Kirby is often considered a gag character, but he isn't. He has a very specific level of power, even if that level of power is "fuck you" levels of power. Kirby has beaten Gods, but so has Goku, even more often and with greater ease. However, Kirby has absorption and power-theft. Kirby could, potentially, absorb Goku (he isn't the brightest and Kirby has his unassuming appearance on his side) and take on his strongest form, including its powerup, and given Kirby in base form is likely more powerful than Goku in base form (Goku needed SSJ to scare Supreme Kai, Kirby beats Gods in base), it's possible Kirby would be more powerful than Goku with the same power up.
Kevin McCallister
Okay, hear me out.
Kevin is technically a gag character, BUT. He is not TRULY a gag character. He just happens to be a comedy character.
So he isn't guaranteed to win, but he could still possibly do so. How you ask?
Goku has been somewhat injured or lightly shaken by the following: planet-shattering attacks. Punches that rock the universe. Energy blasts so potent they would destroy entire galaxies.
Goku has been rendered inconsolable from the pain of the following: chest pain and a half-heartedly, boredly tossed pebble.
It is canon that when Goku and the other fighters in the series are expecting an attack or primed for battle, they are protected by their ki, like armor. It's how they're able to knock away attacks that would destroy planets, or put their "bare" hands on plasma energy that would normally burn the skin off you from a mile away let alone touching it.
This is why when Krillin threw the rock at Goku, it left him in agony and bruised him despite Goku being in Super Saiyan form at the time. This is why Chi-Chi is able to injure Goku regardless of how strong he gets.
So, how does this relate to Kevin being able to beat him? It's everything. It's critical information.
Kevin McCallister's entire M.O. is unexpected attacks. You open a door, you see a bucket fall, think it's over, turns out no, second bucket pulled by the first, second bucket is full of paint and open, you're blinded, you get your bearings, you take a step and feel cars, you smirk and step over them only to find marbles, you slip, you land on the cars which turn out to have been rigged to break easier to let loose a single thumbtack which is now firmly stuck in your back or butt. You bolt upright only to slam your head on a 2x4 that was rigged to hang down from a rope when you fell because your impact shook things enough to make it fall from a precarious perch above.
You get the idea. Every time you think it's safe to let your guard down, that's when the next wave hits. So you say "well he would stop letting his guard down" right? You fool. You know nothing of Goku. He would never put his guard UP. This is a human child, Goku can sense his pitiful power level. His strength? His speed? His ki? Weak. Pathetic. Nothing. A scouter wouldn't even register his power it's so low.
Goku never raises his guard to Chi-Chi, or to Bulma, or to Hercule. He does not raise his defense against normal, powerless, non-combative humans.
"BUT KEVIN IS COMBATIVE" No. He isn't. Goku can sense intent, power, and location. But Kevin isn't actively intending to hurt Goku. He's intending to protect himself and his home. He's not actively wanting to hurt Goku, he's just wanting Goku to leave. He doesn't have power to threaten Goku with, so Goku won't pick up on any threatening aura. And while Goku could simply instant transmission to Kevin and do what he will, we're not talking about how Goku could win, we're going over the fact Kevin could POSSIBLY win.
Enough injury and Goku is down for the count. Otherwise, Goku leaves to avoid further injury, and thereby admits defeat. Both cases, Kevin wins.
Shedinja
This one took me...quite a while. I had to do a lot of extra research for this. So, my immediate thought was Shedinja is a Ghost type, so ghost rules, right? Nah. Bug and Ghost type, and they are the physical shell left behind that has been reanimated. So they very much are physical beings, and given their ability to faint in the games and show they are capable of being physically damaged.
But There's a real case to be made for Shedinja beating Goku.
It can learn Ghost type moves, which operate on ghost-logic, and therefore are a canon weakness Goku is known to have. So things like Shadow Ball, Hex, Curse, and the like would all effect Goku regardless of Ki or form.
It also has access to Wonder Guard, which renders it "immune to all damage types that are not Super-Effective". For those unaware, we can actually attribute Typings to Goku's moves based on attributes and traits they share with Pokemon moves. His melee is, by nature, Fighting type, which Shedinja is immune to. In fact, Shedinja is immune to ALL attack types except Flying, Rock, Ghost, Dark, and Fire type moves, which are all Super Effective.
Goku's most common methods would actually fall under Fighting and Normal type attacks. "But his Ki blasts-" would be Normal type moves. You want proof?
Focus Energy is Normal Type. Quick Attack is Normal Type. Self Destruct is Normal Type. Techno Blast is Normal Type. Tera Blast is Normal Type. These are all energy based moves similar to ki blasts. Know what other energy based move is Normal Type? Hyperbeam. Which is almost identical to the Kamehameha and every other beam attack in DBZ.
Those few attacks Goku has that aren't going to be Normal Type will be Fighting Type.
Shedinja is Immune to all Normal and Fighting Type moves. Goku literally can not damage Shedinja, but Shedinja can damage Goku through Ghost Type moves. Shedinja can beat Goku. But why is it not "absolutely will" beat him? Because Goku can also transform his Ki and if he finds out Shedinja is vulnerable to fire, he can and will use that to his advantage.
That's who could potentially beat Goku. Here's who absolutely could not.
Saitama
I forgot to go over Saitama originally so here's the edit that features that analysis. Bear in mind I am saying this as someone who has seen Seasons 1 and 2 of the show AND is aware of some of the events of the manga.
A lot of reblogs over Saitama claim he is a gag character. But there is a case to be made that he is NOT. What is that case you ask? Well, for the sake of fairness, here is how I am handling gag characters: if their gag is in effect in 100% of all cases (such as looney tunes like Bugs or Road Runner) or if the gag is triggered in 100% of all cases (such as Saiki K or Chowder) then they are a True Gag Character and will insta-win.
However, if their gag has failed (such as Wario, or, yes, even Saitama) in ANY case, then it CAN fail again, and the fairest fight is one against two non-gag characters, so we can safely apply non-gag Saitama here since his gag has failed and Goku meets the conditions to cause it to fail again, which I'll explain.
So, first off, how does his gag fail? Well, his gag is that he kills everything instantly in one hit, unless he actively chooses not to. So we can safely say his gag fails if any of the following are true: he fails to instantly kill an enemy with a single hit while intending to do so, OR if he fails to kill an enemy with a serious hit intended to kill.
He meets both of these conditions. Boros survived for several seconds AFTER Saitama hit him with a Serious Punch. It was a single hit that intended to kill...But he didn't kill Boros INSTANTLY with it. Another example of his gag failing, if that doesn't satisfy, is Garou. Garou, in the manga, has survived MULTIPLE Serious Punches with intent to kill. This, on its own, is proof Saitama's Serious Punch does in fact have a limit to its output. It also proves his gag can, and does, fail against certain opponents.
So the next thing we need to look at is similarities between Garou and Boros to identify what they share that could possibly allow them to get around Saitama's gag, or to nullify it entirely. First similarity is that both are determined to have a good, satisfying fight. Boros crossed the stars seeking one, and Garou sought to become a true Monster powerful enough to force every hero, every do-gooder, to unite under one banner just to take him down. They both seek a battle to end all battles, even if Garou's intention is to end it in his favor, not simply enjoy the fight.
The second similarity is that they have incredibly unique circumstances, even by OPM standards. Garou is a man who has always felt love for the bad guy, he looks to the monsters as inspirations, as the misunderstood and the victimized by those claiming to be heroes. He's trained by an S-Class hero, and has developed into a being of unimaginable power in the pursuit of his dream. Very much a true foil to Saitama, who looked to heroes in comics as inspirations, as the righteous and unshakably moral, self-taught through and through and developed into a being of unimaginable power in the pursuit of HIS dream. Garou is, in this way, a reflection of Saitama, the Tails to Saitama's Heads, the dark to his light.
Boros on the other hand is an alien, forced to become strong by his homeworld's unforgiving conditions, developing a level of power necessary to survive and then some, and on realizing he was far too powerful for his own good, he sought purpose, meaning, and when he heard he may find a worthy opponent, he did everything he could to achieve that future, to realize his dream of facing a foe that would give him a true challenge.
So what are the similarities we can identify? Notably unique circumstances even by OPM standards, sharing strong similarities to Saitama's desires or dreams (Garou dreaming of becoming the greatest Monster vs Saitama dreaming of becoming the greatest Hero, Boros feeling lost in life and seeking a worthy foe vs Saitama feeling bored with living and wishing for the sensation of a real fight again), and the desire for a serious and ultimate battle.
Goku fits ALL of these conditions. He is an alien sent to Earth for his protection, grew up in hostile conditions (surviving on his own for most of his childhood, constant battles with Nation-level threats throughout his teen years, constant battles with world or universe-level threats throughout his adulthood), trained extensively until he was the best of the best, has the ultimate dream of a truly satisfying battle (a dream he routinely seeks out by facing down powerful foes), and being entirely bored with mundane life because there's absolutely no challenge to it, not to mention the fact he has the ultimate dream of becoming the strongest, something he shares with Saitama's pre-OPM self.
Since Goku fits ALL the conditions needed to make this battle exempt from the gag, we will NOT be considering it, as Saitama is not a True Gag Character, and Goku fitting conditions for nullifying it means we can assume actual power limits and such.
So let's look at feats of power. Saitama's Serious Side Hop technique allowed him to create AT LEAST 60 after-images (based on the manga panel) which, when compared with Sonic's 4, means Saitama was moving 15x faster than Sonic in that moment (bare minimum). An afterimage like that is created by moving at least 572mph, stopping in each position for at least 1/255th of a second (any less and the human eye can't pick up on it), so by moving from position A to B for 1/255th of a second and back to A, going 572mph between the two, you create the afterimage.
Sonic creates 4 simultaneously, meaning he needs to move to 3 positions and then back to starting position, or go from A to B, B to A, A to C, C to A, A to D, and repeat.
This means Sonic, to move into each of these positions in less than 1/255th of a second, would need to be moving ~4x faster than the speed for one afterimage. That puts him as moving at 2,228mph while creating those 4 afterimages. Given he is capable of Mach 5 speeds (he's said to be hypersonic) this feat is easy for him, as Mach 5 is 3,805mph. I assume, just as it's easier to move at top speed in a straight line than at sharp turns for a normal person, it's likely more difficult to create such consistent afterimages and so the difficulty that makes it his best attack is from the technique and reaction involved, not the speed itself.
In any case, if Saitama made at least 60 afterimages, putting him at 15x faster than Sonic's speed while creating 4, that puts Saitama's speed at 33,420mph just to account for the 60 we can count in the manga panel. This means 33,420 is the MINIMUM speed we can assume for Saitama's max ability. To be generous, given he wasn't winded after doing that and given he was able to react incredibly easily to the near-instant directional changes, I'll be kind and put his maximum speed at 10,000x this number.
That puts Saitama's speed at 334,200,000mph, or 49.8% the speed of light. We'll be kind again and say 50% the speed of light, round up that last .2%
So we have a speed value for Saitama. Now what about Goku? Well, let's look at Goku on Namek, for a moment. Base form Goku, at the start of his fight against Freeza. Goku, BEFORE his super saiyan transformation, was moving at 3.26 (we'll round down to 3) times the speed of light. How do I get this number? Buckle up, it's involved.
The Namekian ship Bulma, Krillin, and Gohan took to get to Namek made it from Earth to Jupiter in "seconds". That means less than a minute, so we'll say it took them 1 minute just to lowball it and to have a solid starting number. Jupiter, when the two planets are at their closest to each other (assuming shorter distance for slower speed, another lowball), is 365,000,000 miles from Earth. This means the Namekian ship moved 365mil miles in 1 minute.
That puts the Namekian ship at a speed of 21.9 billion miles per hour. They made it to Namek in 30 days of travel. The ship Goku took to Namek made the trip in 5 days. That means Goku's ship is 6 times faster than the Namekian ship. Don't worry, the ship speed DOES matter in this, I promise you.
So Goku's ship moves at 131,400,000,000mph. That's 131 billion, 400 million miles per hour. Or 195x the speed of light.
Why does the ship speed matter so much, you might ask?
Because King Kai could visually keep up with the ship. He was able to track Goku's progress with ease, and could see his ships movements without problems. This means King Kai's eyes and brain are capable of perceiving and processing things that move at 195x the speed of light.
Why does that matter? Because Super Saiyan is canonically a 50x multiplier to ALL base ability. Strength, speed, durability, etc.
And Goku, in Super Saiyan, was moving so fast King Kai stated he could no longer keep up. King Kai, capable of seeing and processing the input of vision on a ship moving 195x the speed of light, could not see or process the input of vision on Super Saiyan Goku.
We'll lowball it, and say Goku only needed to move 1 mph faster than 195x the speed of light for King Kai to lose track of him. So whatever value we get, we'll add 1mph to for Goku's base form speed.
So 195x the speed of light +1mph. 195/50=3.9x the speed of light. That's 2,616,900,000mph, adding in the extra mph makes it 2,616,900,001mph. So Base Form Goku moves at ~3.9x the speed of light, ON NAMEK. Super Saiyan is a 50x multiplier, putting him at ~195x the speed of light. Super Saiyan 2 is a 100x multiplier to Base, so 390x the speed of light. Super Saiyan 3 is a 400x multiplier, so 1,560x the speed of light. Super Saiyan God is a 20,000 multiplier so 78,000x the speed of light. Super Saiyan Blue is a 1 million times multiplier, so 3,900,000x the speed of light. And lastly, Mastered Ultra Instinct is a 300 billion times multipler, so 1.17 trillion times the speed of light.
Why did I bother going through all those multipliers? He wins in Base as of Namek saga lol. Anyway, continuing on to strength now that we've established Base Goku on Namek could move 3.9x faster than the Speed of Light while Saitama could only move at 0.5x the Speed of Light.
Strength. Okay. This one is harder to gauge, but we CAN gauge it. We'll go in terms of level of damage, so human level (would be on-par or less than peak human ability), town level (small towns), city level (large cities), nation level (an entire nation, less than a continent), continent level (one or more nations that span an entire continent), world-surface level (the surface of an Earth-sized planet), Planetary (capable of destroying an entire Earth-sized planet), Solar (capable of destroying a solar system), Galactic (capable of destroying a galaxy), multi-galactic (capable of destroying many galaxies), Universal (capable of destroying an entire universe), Multiversal (capable of destroying multiple universes).
We'll start with Goku this time. Goku's punches are, as of the Battle of Gods arc, strong enough to match Beerus perfectly to nullify the shockwaves of Beerus' attacks. Mind you, the mere shockwave of Beerus' attacks are enough to rip and tear the fabric of the universe itself, as stated by Elder Kai. This puts Goku's punches as being powerful enough to tear the fabric of the universe in when he first obtained Super Saiyan God. Why does this matter for Base Goku? Because Base Goku retained his SSJG power, as stated by Beerus.
So Goku in Base, post-battle of gods, is physically capable of punches that can tear apart the universe from the aftershocks alone. This is important to note because Elder Kai could physically feel the shockwaves from the World of the Kais. This makes Goku Universe-level in strength. This means Goku, post-BoG, in Super Saiyan is 50x stronger than what's needed for Universal, while Goku, as of current manga canon (assuming he didn't actually get any stronger since BoG and is simply more powerful due to new transformations) is capable of a form (Mastered Ultra Instinct) that puts him 300 billion times stronger than minimum Universe level strength.
And Saitama? Where does he fit here? Well, I thought this gap would be bigger honestly? But after researching, it seems the gap isn't all that big. Saitama has, canonically, with a Serious Punch, snuffed out an entire cylinder of stars and presumably every planet, moon, asteroid, and more, at a distance surpassing that of our solar system, and with a diameter surpassing it as well. This puts Saitama's power (if we lowball it MASSIVELY) at Solar. He could, in a single punch, destroy our entire solar system, and he wouldn't even need to be serious to do it. It's worth noting this is coupled with Garou's own Saitama-level Serious Punch, so we can assume this level of power is double Saitama's own.
So how do we determine the specifics? Well, he cleared an area large enough to cover, presumably, half the area of stars destroyed in the path of his and Garou's serious punches.
Through future revelations in the series we learn they didn't "destroy" every star in that path, but likely only several were destroyed, and possibly a galaxy, while the remainder of the void left behind was from the shockwave forcing every other star within range into a new position, creating a void in space that all stars had been moved from, save the few that were in the DIRECT path of their attack.
Another theory is that the Serious Punch^2 simply distorted the photons in the area, resulting in the appearance of a massive void, and this theory is based on the angles in the manga and comments made by other characters that paint Earth as the only thing in real danger from the power of the attack.
To be fair to Saitama, where we would lowball Goku, we'll highball Saitama, and say the Serious Punch^2 outright destroyed every star in the area. That level of power would, naturally, have shockwaves that push nearby stars out of the way AND distort photons in the area, resulting in a massive cone of destruction surrounded by a large cylinder of force.
This puts Saitama at, quite easily, multi-galactic level of strength.
But why did I say this gap isn't as big as I expected? One simple thing. Saitama has canonically punched his way into a different dimension in the manga. That means he's capable of brute-forcing his way out of the bounds of his universe. He is capable of physically destroying the fabric of the universe.
Meaning Saitama's strength is, bare minimum, Universal in close proximity. That puts him, strength-wise, on par with Goku, who through training has become stronger than Super Buu (who was so strong he could shout his way out of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, a dimension separate from our own), meaning Goku is also Universal in close proximity.
So...while I expected Saitama to be ~Planetary, MAYBE he'd be Solar at most...Research indicates he's actually Universal, or near-Universal, meaning the fight may not be too far a gap after all.
Goku may have Saitama beat on speed (given recent manga events in OPM, I'm willing to allow that Saitama is faster than light speed, but Goku having as many forms as he does (Kaioken, which he can combine with other forms and can hit a multiplier of x100 on top of whatever power he currently has, SSJ1-3, SSJG, SSJB, MUI) means even if Saitama matches Base Goku, he's likely not going to stand up to his stronger forms).
But on strength, I'd wager they're close enough for this fight to be one hell of a battle.
What about Durability? After all, all the strength in the world won't save you if you're as easy to kill as a simple bullet to the head, right?
Goku has withstood universe-ripping punches (from Beerus, the God of Destruction, and based on comments in the manga he's one of the stronger Gods of Destruction too), dimension-tearing attacks (from Goku Black, pre-Fusion), energy blasts that even the Gods of Destruction were nervous of (from Jiren during the Tournament of Power), and he survived multiple blasts from Granolah post-wish buff, who was renowned for his sniping power pre-wish, and post-wish was as powerful as he would be if he had spent every single second of the next 147 years training non-stop with the absolute healthiest amount of rest and physical care, making him, presently, as powerful as he would be at the END of that time, with the price paid being that he only had 3 years to live as he lost 1 year of his lifespan for each power boost.
It was also clear that Granolah was the strongest in the universe...at the time of his wish. Goku and Vegeta, who were already on their way, were not as powerful as Granolah even with their transformations. They became stronger during their fight with him, and stronger still during their fight with Gas (who was more powerful than Granolah after Gas transformed and mastered his transformation).
So we can safely assume Goku is Multiversal in Durability, as he himself was able to output Universal damage with each punch, and he was able to survive hits from beings drastically stronger than himself.
What about Saitama? Well, Saitama was able to survive the force of the Serious Punch^2 and he was able to casually bust his way into another dimension. So his Serious Punch, if he wanted it to, could easily destroy the barrier between universes or dimensions.
And given he survived the force of two of them impacting each other, I would put Saitama at, bare minimum, Universe-level durability. But given he was able to survive prolonged battle against Garou, who is a Power Mimic and has shown Saitama-level strength, we can safely assume Saitama is BEYOND Universal-level durability, and so we can put him right there with Goku at Multiversal durability.
So what do we have so far?
Goku has speed equal to, in Base Form, 3.9x lightspeed, and 1.17 trillion times lightspeed in his most powerful form.
Goku has Universal level strength in Base Form, 300 billion times that in his most powerful form.
Goku has Universal durability in Base Form, Multiversal durability in his most powerful form (300 billion times his Base Form's durability).
Saitama has speed equal to, at minimum, 0.5x lightspeed, and at maximum, if we highball it, 2x lightspeed.
Saitama has Universal strength.
Saitama has Universal durability at minimum, and Multiversal durability at maximum.
At this point, I'm convinced the speed difference between Base Goku and Saitama means nothing. Saitama's durability means even with Base Goku moving at his top speed, his impacts won't be enough to beat Saitama. At top speed Base Goku may be putting out Universal damage, but he's not putting out enough to actually BEAT Saitama. Only injure.
Making me rethink my "Goku wins in Base lol" claim earlier, how dare you!
Anyway, at this point, Goku would HAVE to transform to beat Saitama. His ability to sense power and Saitama's evident inability to suppress it (as evidenced by multiple characters sensing his ungodly power even while Saitama is completely relaxed) would mean Goku would know, right away, he needs to transform for the fight.
Saitama's durability means Goku would likely need Super Saiyan 2 or 3, or, more likely, SSJG. Super Saiyan God's multiplier to Granolah-arc Goku, after all of his training with Whis and Vegeta, would most likely be enough to beat Saitama. And given SSJG is enough to "most likely" beat him, then Super Saiyan Blue (aka Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan, the form above SSJG) is surely enough, and Mastered Ultra Instinct (a form drastically more powerful than SSJB) is absolutely more than enough to beat Saitama.
And given Goku's mastery over the Kaioken technique, and he's been shown to enter Kaioken x 20 while in Super Saiyan Blue for fair amounts of time as of the Moro saga, meaning even if SSB wasn't enough, given MUI is overkill, it's possible SSB x10 or x20 would be.
The point being, Goku wins this fight due to a combination of technique, experience, and power from his transformations. Given Goku is faster than Saitama and would sense his power as Saitama doesn't know how to suppress it, nothing Saitama could do would be a surprise attack to Goku, meaning Goku would have ample opportunity to react to everything Saitama does.
And given the relatively similar strengths the two bear, Goku would recognize he needs to transform to beat Saitama's output.
And given Saitama's greater durability than Base Goku, and greater durability than even what Saitama himself can put out, Goku would see he needs to transform to have enough of his own output to beat Saitama's durability.
Conclusion: Goku would absolutely win this fight, BUT...I'll give Saitama credit where it's due.
Out of everyone on the entire list, Saitama is the fairest matchup here, and the one most likely to give Goku a truly satisfying fight, given it would be a battle on par with those Goku has enjoyed most.
Kingdom Hearts Mickey
K.H. Mickey has a clear power limit and ability set. He is not strong enough, fast enough, smart enough, or durable enough to beat Goku, but he is just enough of a threat for Goku to actually put his guard up, which is why K.H. Mickey would lose; Goku would see it as a fight, unlike with Kevin.
Crash Bandicoot
Crash isn't nearly powerful enough to be a threat to Goku, but he IS insane enough to push Goku to hostility. Goku would feel the need to put effort into getting him away and that is his downfall.
Hatsune Miku
Goku would assume she is a Red Ribbon android and fight her on assumption she's trying to kill him or bring harm to Earth. He would hit her full force expecting her to tank it and she would keel over dead instantly.
Wario
Everything he could possibly do, the Red Ribbon Army has tried and done better, and they've never beaten Goku. Neither would he.
Sans
Lost to a child with slightly above average human determination, and standard human strength and speed. He does not beat Goku.
And just because you specifically told me not to @ you, have this :)
@that-one-enby-onyx
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fulloflambing Ā· 26 days ago
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ą£Ŗ . Ö“Ö¶Öøą¹‹ KINICH: boyfriend headcanons ā™”
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pairing: kinich x gn!reader/you banner artist: @/Lion_2929 on twitter/x !! warnings: some hcs apply to canon!au and some in modern!au, nothing all sappy cutie stuff cho's note: triple posting tonight cause i miss him dearly:( this is just yap centered about kinich. might make an nsfw version .. also feel free to tell me other characters you guys want to see wtih this! happy reads :)
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his nicknames for you would definitely be: baby, love, princess/prince, angel, pretty/handsome
kinich's love language would definitely be acts of service, and subtle physical touch.
often writes and leaves you love letters, to make up for his struggle in giving you verbal affections :)
big homebody. if he could, he just wants to stay at home with you cuddling, and taking care of the house with you forever 慠慠.
possessive to a certain degree. like he likes to stand behind you when your talking to someone he doesnt know or like until you introduce him or end your conversation
a very composed and gentleman most of the time, but deep inside just wants to be babied by you
when your crying, he would definitely gently cup your face and kiss your eyes and tears away while whispering comforting words to your skin (will write about this. stay tuned hihi)
his kisses are very delicate, but likes to give plenty!!
his favorite spots to kiss you on is your lips, cheek, temples, and hands
finds mundane but spontaneous trips/errands fun! like he'll randomly wake you up at 2am and invite you to drink a quick slushie in 7/11
more of a listener than a speaker
since he's quiet a lot of the time, hes also super observant.
really likes it when you ask for his help or opinion on something
has you keep a vase of flowers he's given you at home, and when he notices that they are slowly withering he'll immediately buy you a new bouquet to replace them with!
ipad kid. he definitely wants to watch 1 hour long documentaries on youtube with you while the both of you eat together
gets jealous easily. you'll know when he suddenly falls quiet during a public setting, or hes suddenly showing more pda
wears a chained necklace with a pendant on him at all times, but usually hidden underneath his shirt. the pendant has a picture of you in it, and he kisses the pendant for goodluck during sports tournaments, busy days, or any other morning!
loves to match discreet accessories/items with you! like matching keychains, shoes, social media bios, or even matching plushies
during arguments, he's the type of person who wants to have their own space for awhile. but! he won't overstay his leave, and he'll tell you when he's going to be okay and when you both can talk it out properly.
will never make you think he hates you or hes planning to break up with you because of a fight. even during misunderstandings, you'll know he still loves you with the way he stays consistent on the way he treats you
loves to get coffee/drinks with you ^^ one of his favorite pass times to do with you
definitely a gamer, and he'll try and teach you how to play his favorite games. if your a gamer, hes more into fighting other people with you than trying to win against you
has trouble being emotionally open to you, but he tries his best
the type to want to isolate and resolve his personal problems on his own, so it means a lot to him if you check up on him
prefers crafting, making and building personalized gifts for you over being you expensive ones (wouldnt deny you if you asked for something expensive! just likes everything made just for you ^^)
when hes busy out, he updates you on the phone with a picture or video and a simple caption. prefers that rather than long text messages
when he has bad days, he likes to come home and just hug you infront of the door for awhile to remind him your still there for him and thats what matters
overall, the type of boyfriend that shows his overwhelming love for you in small, mundane ways.
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min-imum Ā· 2 months ago
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FLUFFY GYU SMUT !!!!
nsfw, mdni
content warnings: gn!reader, this is actually so fluffy because i love domesticity and iā€™m a sucker for domestic fluff but also mingyu is too hot so i ended up being a smut account but but but TIYA I MEANT AN ASK WITH CONTENT šŸ˜žšŸ˜žšŸ˜žšŸ˜ž itā€™s okay this means i can write WHATEVER I WANT!!!!!!!! DOMESTIC MINGYU!!!!!!!, super soft sex, super sweet mingyu, AUGH its vanilla and itā€™s cute, also i literally added tags to this in advance because my dumbass completely forgot to add tags in my previous post and i was like hmm itā€™s a suspiciously low number of notes for the amount of time this has been up OHHHHHHH no tags., second time iā€™ve had to rewrite a fic because tumblr said nope sorry we cant save this AND THEN IT JUST DIDNT SAVE EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY SAVED THE DRAFT EARLIER AND I WAS JUST ADDING ON :( im being so fr the first draft was SO much better on god and it was longer too but i forgot what i wrote rAAA
mingyu ā€” your sweet, darling boyfriend. you love him with all your heart and you know he loves you too.
he shows you just how much he loves you all the time. you know he loves you when he crawls up at dawn to make you breakfast. you know he loves you when he crouches to tie your shoelaces for you. you know he loves you when he sends you sweet texts throughout the day, and when he purchases souvenirs from all his travels for you, and when he wraps his big arms around you on a bad day to cushion you and comfort you.
you know he loves you when he makes love to you like this, slow and sweet and filled with emotion.
he kisses you slowly, languidly, and you moan into his mouth as his cock presses into you inch by inch. when he pulls back to look at you, his eyes are filled with adoration. it makes your heart squeeze in your chest.
when you finally take him to the hilt, he pauses, litters kisses over your face and neck, presses his lips to your jaw, bites gently at your earlobe, and waits ever so patiently for you to get used to his size inside you.
ā€œyou can move, gyu,ā€ you whisper. he kisses you once more as his hips start to move, grunts falling from his lips with each thrust. he leans his forehead against yours tenderly and bumps your noses together affectionately.
his hands roam your body, squeezing gently and feeling you up. he revels in every moan and whine that escapes from your lips. he nuzzles against your cheek sweetly.
as much as you like the rougher, meaner sex you have with him, this sweet love-making is your favourite. he never fails to remind you how much he loves you and how special you are to him.
he presses his nose into your hair and breathes in your scent.
ā€œdid you use my shampoo, baby?ā€
ā€œmhm,ā€ you smile sheepishly. ā€œsorry.ā€
ā€œdonā€™t apologise. i like it when you smell like me.ā€ he giggles, expression absolutely lovesick. you blush, shy and contented.
ā€œi like smelling like you too.ā€
he has the sweetest smile on his face, eyes glittery and lips curled, as he fucks you with all the love in the world. he loves making you feel good, he loves taking care of you. he loves you.
soon, youā€™re cumming over his cock with a long whine, and he fucks you through it. he always makes sure you cum first. and then he follows quickly, rolling his hips into you one last time and emptying himself into you.
finally, he rolls the two of you over so youā€™re lying on his chest, his cock still buried inside you.
ā€œhi,ā€ you giggle.
ā€œyouā€™re so cute,ā€ mingyu coos. ā€œmy adorable baby. i love you so much.ā€
you smile, eyes bright with happiness and satisfaction. ā€œi love you too.ā€
ā€œletā€™s get up soon, okay? i have to clean you up and change the sheets,ā€ he murmurs.
as always, your sweet boyfriend never fails to take care of you and show you how much he loves you.
ā€œokay,ā€ you hum. ā€œfive more minutes?ā€
he strokes your back affectionately and presses a tender kiss to your head. ā€œfive more minutes.ā€
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heesdreamer Ā· 10 months ago
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Anything
PAIRING āž© heeseung x reader
SUMMARY āž© Four years after he disappeared from your life your childhood friend and love returns back to town completely changed.
WARNINGS āž© Heeseung is an addict and not a super amazing person, broken people with bad communication skills, rough smut, like quick hate sex basically. Super angst but I hope itā€™s still a good read lolā€¦ based in the late 90s early 2000s
WC āž© 11k
AUTHORS NOTE āž© A bit nervous to be posting here again after five months since Iā€™m pretty rusty but hopefully youā€™ll take it easy on me lol. No part two for this and itā€™s an open ending (my favorite) so infer what youā€™d like but feel free to ask me anything about the story or the characters! Hope itā€™s okay and I missed you guys. NOT PROOFREAD
Summer was pretty much the constant season where you grew up outside of the few weeks the sun disappeared and the rain turned the beaches grey.
You appreciated the break every year considering it just made the heat coming back feel ten times better, that first day being able to run into the ocean again always feeling like your towns personal version of new year.
Let the salt water wash away your sins and the tears that had long dried on your sun kissed cheeks.
Your town had been spared from tourist for most of your childhood even though itā€™s definitely gained traction during more recent years if the alarming amount of people outside the local diners said anything.
The locals didnā€™t mind as long as they cleaned up their empty bottles of sunscreen from the public beaches and didnā€™t interfere with the abundance of native wild life.
You definitely didnā€™t mind considering you were on your sixth year working at the smoothie shop just a block away from the most popular beach and you enjoyed suckering large families out of large tips by giving them basic fun facts about the area they could use for their vacation.
It was the least you could do as somebody who lived in a permanent one.
This years version of those rainy few weeks came in the suddenly deliverance of news youā€™d never even imagined hearing let alone prepared yourself to deal with.
ā€œHey.ā€ Jake sounded out of breath as he crashed through the flimsy door of the smoothie shop, hair wet from either just leaving the beach where he worked as a lifeguard or from the slight drizzle that had started to pick up.
ā€œHey, donā€™t get my floor wet. Assuming youā€™re off this week?ā€ You were folding cleaning rags in preparation for closing up the shop for the next few days due to the news channel continuously warning the locals of a storm coming.
Jake rolled his eyes at your light scolding but you noticed that he did avoid sitting on the stools or touching anything he could get his wetness on.
ā€œOh so itā€™s your floor now?ā€ He was cocking an eyebrow up as he looked at you and now it was your turn to roll your eyes, a light smile on your face at the teasing.
Youā€™d know Jake the same amount of time you had known pretty much anybody living in the town which was basically the entire sum of your life. All the kids went to the same small school district and everyoneā€™s parents knew each other to some capacity so thereā€™d never been a time you didnā€™t know him and your other friends.
ā€œSoā€¦ā€ Your extensive knowledge of him made it even more obvious that he was about to tell you something you didnā€™t want to hear, his tone changing to the same one he used whenever he had to let the beach goers know the waters werenā€™t safe. ā€œHeā€™s back in town.ā€
The mood in the small shop changed immediately and you tensed up from where you were still folding the rags, placing the one you were working on back down onto the counter and squeezing it with your hand.
You noticed the rain picking up outside and it was almost ironic how it seemed to match your mood.
ā€œOh.ā€ That was all you could manage to say and Jake dropped his shoulders in defeat at your dull reaction. ā€œNo Jakey thanks for telling me thatā€™s.. itā€™s nice to have a heads up.ā€
Neither one of you spoke for a few seconds and you let the sound of the wind whipping around the thin metal panels of the roof distract you just enough to stop you from immediately bombarding him with questions. You didnā€™t need him to know how much you cared even though you knew he already did.
ā€œDid- did you see him?ā€
ā€œSaw his mom at the market on my lunch break.ā€ He was watching you so intensely that it was starting to annoy you. He looked like he was waiting for you to explode and you were considering giving him what he wanted just so heā€™d stop staring like that. ā€œTheyā€™re like.. well heā€™s back in the old house so Iā€™m assuming that meansā€¦ yeah.ā€
He was awkward in his delivery but you understood exactly what he meant, your old friend wasnā€™t just back in town for a vacation or a trip down memory lane but instead he was back for at least the near future.
Your head hung low as you tried your best to not react outwardly but the humorless scoff left your mouth before you could stop it and you heard Jake sigh near the door.
Luck was at least in your favor considering the news was right and the rain didnā€™t stop for another four days meaning you and the boys didnā€™t have work and there was no chance of you running into the exact person you wanted to avoid.
You spent your days at Sunghoonā€™s house which was on the other side of town from where you and the rest of your friends lived.
Sunghoon had been the last person to join your small group and he almost hadnā€™t been accepted considering he didnā€™t go to the same school and actually didnā€™t live there at all. His father was beyond wealthy and owned a nice property up on the hill, a place you and your friends used to sit on the beach and stare at while daydreaming about living there.
He came down every winter from the city so him and his dad could escape the cold and icy roads and then heā€™d leave again once the temperature picked up.
Naturally this made him a bit of an outcast compared to the rest of you who grew up together and spent nearly every single day hanging out and playing on the beaches but you liked him nonetheless.
He wasnā€™t as spoiled as you figured he probably could have been and if anything he was actually pretty sheepish whenever someone mentioned how much money he constantly had at his disposal.
Youā€™d all tease him until he bought you snacks and ice cream in bulk just to get you off his back, a silent peace offering.
An even more silent ā€˜Iā€™m sorry youā€™re poor and Iā€™m notā€™.
Once you all got older and his dad got too tired to continue the travel back and forth just to avoid some snow, Sunghoon would come by himself just to see you all and you imagined it was any day now before he decided to stay for good.
The image from their hillside property was breathtaking even through the storm, floor to ceiling windows that youā€™d perch yourself on while the others slept. It had a perfect view of the biggest beach and the mountains behind it and despite growing up with it as your backdrop, you never got used to it.
ā€œCanā€™t sleep?ā€ Rikiā€™s voice was echoing through the nearly empty living room, a feat of Sunghoonā€™s dad practically moving out.
You turned your head to see him shuffling towards you in his pajamas with an open bottle of wine in his hands. He was taking a swig before nudging your leg with his hand so you would move it and he could sit down beside you with a groan.
His back was against the other side of the windowsill and your legs were crossing over his in a mirror image but he looked just as exhausted as you figured you did and it was sort of comforting to know you werenā€™t the only one handling this bad.
ā€œWhen do I ever sleep?ā€ Your hand was sticking out as you spoke and he took one more sip of the wine before handing the bottle over to you.
Your face pulled into a grimace at the sour taste and he laughed softly at the reaction before leaning forward to snatch it back and keep it away from you. You looked back out the window but you could feel him staring at you now and you sighed.
Riki had been around just as long as Jake had but he was also your neighbor which added another layer of familiarity. There was no hiding your family issues with him like you attempted with the others because he was one window away and often the person you ran to when things got too hard.
ā€œSaw him in town you know, before we headed up here.ā€ He was starting off in a whisper like he was testing the waters and you were getting sick of people treating you like a loose canon when it came to this. ā€œHe looks different.ā€
ā€œObviously. He was a kid last time we saw him and heā€™s what, 20 now?ā€ You phrased it like you werenā€™t too sure but both of you were aware that you knew his exact age. Youā€™d never forgotten his birthday and your mood soured every year on that day for the past four times it cycled past.
ā€œ21.ā€ Riki clarified anyways and you appreciated that you both pretended youā€™d be able to make that mistake. ā€œAnd I donā€™t just mean he grew up I mean he looks terrible.ā€
Your stomach turned uncomfortably as graphic images made their way into your mind and you squeezed your eyes tight at the thought of him and what he could possibly look like now.
ā€œWhy are you telling me this Riki?ā€ You sounded hurt and lost and you felt his leg nudging yours again like he was either trying to comfort you or snap you out of the tense state youā€™d fallen into. You opened your eyes and stared at him and the way the moonlight highlighted the side of his face.
ā€œI told him Iā€™d meet him for lunch once the storm cleared up.ā€ He said it slowly and that made it that much easier for you to hear the overwhelming guilt in his voice. ā€œIā€™d like for you to be there. Iā€™m asking you to be there.ā€
Your face fell flat but he didnā€™t stop looking at you as he dropped the bomb and you almost wanted to shy away from the intense gaze just waiting for you to show that you cared.
ā€œYou canā€™t ask me that.ā€ It came out as a whisper and you hated how weak you sounded at just the idea of seeing him.
ā€œBut I am.ā€
ā€”
Two days later the clouds were gone like theyā€™d never been there and the unrelenting heat was building back up at full force. You all returned down from the hillside property with raging hangovers and a suffocating promise.
You tried to ignore your phone ringing on the wall because you knew who it was, or at least could guess out of three names but it was pointless considering Riki was right next door and the ringing soon turned to knocks at your window.
So you told yourself you agreed to the lunch because you were sick of being harassed about it and it was not because you needed to see him for yourself.
If anything this was your chance to prove you didnā€™t care about him and you just had never felt that level of loss before. It wouldnā€™t kill you to hear his voice and listen to the way itā€™s changed over the lost time and youā€™d be able to get through the meal with a few awkward conversations before getting to go back to your regular life.
You were immediately proven wrong the second you pushed into the restaurant and you would have stopped in your tracks if it wasnā€™t for Rikiā€™s guiding hand on your lower back.
He worked at this restaurant and it was directly on the shore of the beach so despite it being busy post storm he was easily maneuvering you through it towards the table.
You stayed back a few feet as the boy stood up and went to greet your other friends, a few awkward seconds passing like they didnā€™t know wether to shake hands or hug before Jake was moving forward and pulling the older boy into a tight embrace.
Sunghoon was doing the same and rubbing the back of his head comfortably before Riki gave him a familiar pat on the shoulder due to the fact theyā€™d already gone through the first encounter nerves.
The three boys immediately climbed into the booth and started to flip through the menus to give you some privacy even though you all knew theyā€™d eaten the same things here since they were kids and knew every dish like the back of their hand.
You still appreciated the gesture considering the second he looked at you your heart clenched painfully and you suddenly felt like you were 17 again.
ā€œHey y/n.ā€ His voice was low as he spoke but you could still hear it enough to notice you barely recognized it. It had dropped a few octaves and it was painfully raspy.
ā€œYou look like shit Hee.ā€ Your blunt words and the use of the familiar nickname made him scoff out a laugh and he nodded his head in agreement to your insult.
He truly did even though you were just trying to tease him and loosen the atmosphere. He was ten shades paler than the rest of you but you had a feeling it wasnā€™t due to him not being around the sun all the time anymore. He looked nearly sickly and your stomach turned the more you saw the signs of that being true.
His eyes looked tired and sad but what was the worst change was how skinny he was. Heā€™d always been thin but now he was towering over you and still looking like a strong wave could take him out.
He sniffed uncomfortably because of your intense gaze and your eyes honed in on his prominent wrist bone and the way he flicked at his nostril.
Your eyebrows furrowed at the action and he immediately lowered his arm like heā€™d just been caught doing something, confirming your belief.
The silence was awkward but luckily one of Rikiā€™s coworkers was approaching to get your drinks and you scooted past the tall boy so you could slide in the booth besides Sunghoon.
It was unusual for you to be nearly silent and not engaging in the conversation but you couldnā€™t really handle trying to fumble your way through acting like everything was normal like the others were.
You started to wonder if they really did think it was just a normal meal while catching up with a childhood friend.
It blew your mind to consider that maybe they didnā€™t see the way Heeseung was constantly bouncing his knee and picking apart his napkin or the fact heā€™d barely taken a bite of food the entire time. Did they not see his fidgeting eyes and the fact he looked sick every glance he took towards your direction.
The boys did their best to fill the silence without bringing up anything that would let Heeseung know how much heā€™d missed out on and soon enough everyone was having to go back to work.
Youā€™d gotten the day off since the storm had drastically killed off the tourist that make up 90% of your daily customers and you could tell the boy across from you felt a bit lost when everyone stated their plans for the rest of the day.
ā€œDid you maybe want to go to the beach with me?ā€ You had no idea why you were inviting him but by the time you noticed the shocked look on your friends faces, it was too late and the offer was hanging heavily in the air.
He looked around like he wasnā€™t quite sure you were talking to him and his eyes were a little more alert when he finally turned back to face you.
ā€œUh yeah sure.ā€
Riki gave you a cautious look as you left and Sunghoon parted you with a swift kiss on the cheek and another firm hug for Heeseung. Jake was heading to the same place as you for his shift as a lifeguard so it made the walk down the street a little less awkward.
The roles reversed from lunch and now it was Heeseungā€™s turn to fall silent while you and Jake softly joked and made casual commentary on the damage the storm had did. You would have forgotten he was there at all if not for his constantly sniffling and the fact his presence shifted your entire atmosphere.
ā€œBe safe yeah?ā€ You werenā€™t sure if it was meant to have a double meaning but Jake made your stomach turn as he left your side to head to the watch tower.
Heeseung was clearing his throat beside you but you ignored him in favor of finding an umbrella to sit near, not quite under so you could still feel the sun on your skin. He opted for sitting directly under the shade and you were brought back to when you were kids and he was always the last one inside.
He was impossible to tame and get out of the water even long after the sun set and the parents began to call you all home but he couldnā€™t be more different now.
Memories of his freckled tan face smiling at you, eyes squinted against the bright sky with his hand above his eyebrows to try and block it so he could see you better. His laugh always the loudest sound over the crashing waves and the way it felt when heā€™d wrap his arms around you to throw you into the water.
Now he was practically curling in on himself to avoid the rays and he looked almost pained at the sounds of the kids playing and splashing around.
It was hard to believe this was the same boy who had you convinced there was salt water in his veins.
ā€œSince when are you getting high?ā€
You didnā€™t sound at all accusatory in your question, just plainly asking for an answer to the obvious but he immediately tensed up and sent a glare that would have you believing youā€™d gotten it wrong if it wasnā€™t for the embarrassment in his eyes.
He took a few seconds to answer but you extended your thin patience towards him and waited.
ā€œIā€™m not anymore.ā€ He had a funny tone to his that almost sounded like he was saying an inside joke, something you clearly didnā€™t understand and your face furrowed. ā€œThatā€™s why Iā€™m here actually.ā€
Your mouth was parting in realization and you couldnā€™t help the bitter laugh that slipped out of you. You felt overwhelmingly stupid in that moment but it wasnā€™t necessarily your fault for not assuming the worst about his intentions.
ā€œHere I thought you were back because you actually missed us. Didnā€™t realize this was your rehab.ā€ He didnā€™t look amused anymore and you were struck by how much you wanted to see him smile at you again.
He nodded and looked away from you and that was enough for you to realize the conversation was over.
ā€”
four years ago
Youā€™d never been anywhere else but you had a hard time believing any other place could measure up to what you were experiencing now.
The sounds of your lifelong friends splashing each other and laughing as they took unexpected blows from the waves, bodies crashing through the surface of the water and pushing back through with groans of playful annoyance.
You knew the sun was setting soon which meant the head lifeguard (who happened to be jakeā€™s older brother) was going to usher you all back home and away from the water but you would have given anything for the moment to freeze.
Even if your butt was damp from the wet sand you were sitting on and you were starting to shiver from the lack of clothes paired with the disappearing heat.
You watched as another head popped out of the water before standing to his full height and glancing around like he was searching for something. His gaze stopped on you and a bright smile broke out on his face at the sight of you sitting on the beach and observing the scene.
It made you feel warm to see him brush off your friends and push through the water so he could get over to you, shaking his head to semi dry his hair and laughing when you squealed at the sudden wetness hitting you.
ā€œYou cold?ā€ He was flopping down onto the sand next to you and his cold skin brushed yours for a second before you flinched away and groaned.
ā€œYeah but I think Jaeyunā€™s brother is gonna make us leave any second anyways.ā€ You were scrunching your nose up as you looked over at him and he smiled up at you.
Heeseung always seemed to be smiling but especially in your direction.
You werenā€™t an idiot and you didnā€™t at all miss the fact that he was extra attached to you. You had a deeper bond than anybody else in the group and even though you werenā€™t exactly sure when the transition into something deeper happened, you were sure you both could feel it constantly bubbling under the surface.
It wasnā€™t something you felt like you needed to confess or say out loud officially because you had all the time in the world here with him.
ā€œCome swim with us.ā€ He was watching you as your hand reached over to swipe the drying sand off his forehead.
ā€œNot happening Hee sorry.ā€ You smiled when he groaned and rolled over onto his back, knowing you had made up your mind by the tone in your voice. ā€œWe can always swim tomorrow.ā€
ā€”
Tomorrow never came because the next morning you were racing down to the Lee house with a plate of cinnamon rolls Rikiā€™s mom had made and finding it almost completely empty.
Your heart had dropped into your stomach but you still slowly approached the familiar door and knocked against it softly.
Typically you didnā€™t even bother knocking considering you were there more than your own house but something was off and you suddenly felt like an intruder.
The sight of his grandma opening the door and giving you a pained expression when she saw it was you almost fully killed you and if that didnā€™t do it then the fact she softly whispered to you that he wasnā€™t going to be coming back anytime soon definitely did.
It was hard not to grab her by the shoulders and demand she tell you where he had gone and it was even harder to hold in your sobs as you ran all the way back to the house next to yours, bursting into Rikiā€™s living room and climbing into his bed to cry while you waited for him to get off work.
Heā€™d barely understood you through your blubbering sobs and when he did he was joining you in the bed and falling into a hurt silence.
The hurt rippled through you for months until you gathered the courage to ask his grandma for his address so you could write him a letter.
She was clearly reluctant but she gave it to you anyways and you spent all week writing it and expressing to him how you felt, both for him and about the fact he had left without saying goodbye. You wished sheā€™d turned you down when it got sent right back unopened and the same thing happened for the next twenty after that.
You kept writing them for two years even though theyā€™d always make their way back to the post office and at the end of that summer, you finally put the pen down.
At some point during the third year youā€™d gotten a postcard that had no writing on it or even a signature. It was just a blank card with a photo of some cartoonish cherry blossoms and a small river.
You somehow knew it was from him without any confirmation and you wept like a baby in the middle of all the mailboxes, hugging it to your chest and swearing youā€™d never let yourself feel like that again. You almost sent it back to him like heā€™d done to you for so long but instead you stuffed it under your pillow and tried to not feel itā€™s weight every night you slept.
Now four years later he was suddenly everywhere again.
Heā€™d started to work at the surfboard rental shop across from your own place and he was practically at every single hangout like nothing had changed.
Except everything had changed and he was such a jarringly different person that you almost felt like you were hanging out with the corpse of your old friend.
ā€œWeā€™ve gotta get you some sun man.ā€ Jake was disguising his concerns with some light teasing one of the days you all made your way up to Sunghoonā€™s place but you all knew Heeseung and his current state was the constant elephant in the room.
ā€œYeah.ā€ His noncommittal low mumbling was about the most you got out of him these days and you sighed from where you were laying on the couch.
His empty gaze landed on you when you were standing up and pushing Sunghoonā€™s legs off of you (much to his annoyance). You approached him and stuck your hand out in his direction just to be met with a raised eyebrow and no movement.
ā€œCmon letā€™s go.ā€ You were firm in your words and shaking your hand slightly to urge him to take it in his before you got too impatient. He sighed at you but did exactly that and you pushed aside the warmth that spread you in favor of pulling him up so he was standing.
You were slightly thrown off by how close he ended up next to you so you took a step back while raking over his tall frame and clearing your throat.
ā€œIā€™m sick of your moping.ā€ You didnā€™t expect him to continue holding your hand after you pulled him up but you took advantage of the opportunity and started to tug him behind you as you walked towards the doors.
Heeseung stayed silent as you dragged him outside and down the long sandy steps that led down the hillside and onto the small private beach that the park family owned. You never hung out there much as kids considering you werenā€™t allowed to surf here and you preferred the large waves and active community of the public one but it would do for now.
ā€œWhat are we doing?ā€ He was finally speaking once you dropped his hand and turned to look at him.
ā€œGoing swimming obviously.ā€ You were pulling your shirt over your head the second you finished speaking so you just barely saw his reaction to your hands grabbing the bottom hem.
It was long enough that you managed to watch his eyes widen and drop down to the sudden skin showing but he somehow was able to have a blank expression again by the time you got it off and tossed it onto the sand carelessly.
Youā€™d turned to walk closer to the water but you stopped and looked over your shoulder when you realized he wasnā€™t following you anymore.
ā€œCmon.ā€ Your thumbs pushed down the hem of your shorts to showcase the rest of your bikini and now you heard him scoff a laugh as the water touched your ankles.
The water was unusually cold from the few cloudy days youā€™d had but you were determined now to get him to have some fun and open up a little bit before he really started to bum the rest of you out.
You fought your smile when you heard light splashing behind you and when you finally turned around you were thrown off by the amount of pale skin you were seeing. Obviously you knew heā€™d have to take off his shirt to get in the water but you were mainly stuck on the changes to his body.
Heā€™d clearly filled out, something you could have guessed from the height, and now he looked surprisingly strong unlike his lanky frame he had when you were younger. Outfit of his ribs slightly showing, he definitely had some muscle definition that you looked away from immediately.
Your eyes landed on what was even more jarring and he surprisingly didnā€™t shy away when you scanned over the bruising covering his stomach and sides.
You met his gaze for just a second and he just stood there with the light ripples hitting his belly button.
ā€œGet into some trouble?ā€ Your question was light and almost teasing so he had room to ignore you. You didnā€™t want to bombard him for answers especially since it wasnā€™t really your place anymore.
If this had been four years ago, you would have wrapped him up in your arms and demanded to know who possibly could have hurt him but that boy wasnā€™t here anymore. He definitely wasnā€™t the cold one standing in front of you.
ā€œSomething like that.ā€ His response was as uncharacteristic as you expected it to be and you simply nodded your head before waiting for him to catch up to you.
He was up to his chest now in the water and you were starting to struggle to stay afloat which seemed to amuse him if the quirk of his lips told you anything.
ā€œIsnā€™t this nice?ā€ Your voice was quieter now and you almost face palmed at how nervous and unnatural you sounded.
Heeseung was just watching you like you were the one who had changed but there was something heavy in his eyes now. You almost flinched at the feeling of his warm leg brushing yours under the water once he was finally starting to relax and float a little but you managed to collect yourself.
He hummed in agreement but you could tell he was just doing it to give you the answer he knew you wanted to hear.
You wondered if the cold water felt good on his bruises or if you were just making him feel worse by trying to help.
ā€œSurprised you didnā€™t bring the others.ā€ He was talking again surprisingly and now he was fully floating on his back with his gaze set on the sky and the colors of the setting sun. ā€œSince you and Sunghoon are so close now.ā€
The jealous tone of his voice was not something you were used to and you didnā€™t realize he could sound even less like himself until he proved you wrong.
Heeseung and you had always been each others number ones and heā€™d never had to doubt his position in your life before but it made you blood boiling mad that he had such an accusatory tone now like youā€™d done something wrong.
Did he expect you to sit around and mope forever, holding out hope that heā€™d maybe decide to return one day despite not even knowing where heā€™d gone?
ā€œWeā€™ve always been close Heeseung. We all are.ā€ Your voice was stable despite how the opposite you felt and something unsaid was being heard loudly in your choice of words.
For the first time since he came back, you were blatantly excluding him from the group. None of you were teenagers anymore and youā€™d been through a decade of stories and experiences just in the last few years as you transitioned into adults.
Maybe the sight of him now, grown up and empty, wouldnā€™t have hurt so bad if you watched it happen slowly instead of all at once. Maybe it wouldnā€™t have happened this way at all and he would have been a totally different person with your influence.
You immediately felt guilty and gross for giving yourself that much credit.
ā€œItā€™s different now though.ā€ He seemed set in his idea that you and Sunghoon had some secret deeper bond and you didnā€™t even try to argue with him this time.
ā€œYouā€™re different.ā€ The response you settled with was pretty petty and he seemed to agree judging by the way he scoffed but he was sitting up and moving a tad closer to you in the water.
ā€œYeah well youā€™re exactly the same.ā€ He said it so simply that you couldnā€™t tell if it was meant to be an insult, compliment or simply just an observation. He was either calling you immature or making a callback to how your relationship used to be.
You figured it was the latter when his hand was brushing against your waist under the water.
ā€œNot all of me.ā€ Your voice had gotten lower now as you realized the mood was shifting to something youā€™d not experienced with him before.
Youā€™d always found Heeseung attractive obviously but he was so young and you werenā€™t exactly the age either where you were thinking about him in this way. Sure, heā€™d been touchy back then with his hand in yours or an arm around your waist as you walked together but never with this look in his eye.
It felt wrong to have him shifting even closer to you, bare chest and his wet hair almost covering his eyes as he stared down due to your newfound height difference.
Mainly the wrong feeling came due to the fact that you barely knew him now and you didnā€™t want to get to know him like this. You wished it had happened naturally, your friendship had returned when he did and so did your comfortability and maybe eventually the love buried deep in your chest.
But you were so desperate to feel something from him, anything that might indicate he had once cared about you. So you didnā€™t push him away when he leaned down to kiss you.
His mouth was hot against yours and suddenly all of the teasing touches and heavy glances made a lot more sense.
He had a desperation you didnā€™t expect and your head was spinning by the time he was pulling you even closer by your waist and slotting his knee in between your legs under the water.
ā€œHee.ā€ You breathed out his name as he licked into your mouth and he shushed you impatiently, not wanting to give you the chance to stop him before heā€™d even gotten to really have you.
You werenā€™t going to and your hips were rolling against his leg, the water hitting higher up on your stomach and making you gasp from the cold and how it splashed over your covered chest.
He seemed to notice considering he was impatiently pulling the fabric of your bikini top away from your skin and you moaned when his mouth was leaving yours in favor of hungrily connecting with your hard nipples. The warmth of his mouth made you spin and you held the back of his head against your chest.
His knee was rocking under you and you kept grinding yourself down on it, free hand wrapping around his back and feeling the muscles clench everytime he moved himself towards you.
ā€œHee.ā€ you gasped out his name again and this time he atleast hummed in acknowledgement, big hands gripping your waist and forcing you to keep moving against him.
ā€œCmon y/n, stop fucking talking.ā€ His mouth was back on yours and this time it was you who immediately licked into his closed lips, the sound of his low voice spurring you on even more.
He was lifting you out of the water and your legs wrapped around his waist so you wouldnā€™t fall. You didnā€™t even realize heā€™d be strong enough to lift you but he seemed to have no problem as he started walking towards the shore and you rolled your hips into his hard on that you could now feel pressing against you.
Your mouth parted when you felt how hard he was already and he laid you gently down onto the sand before climbing ontop of you and kissing you again.
This time his body was covering you and you whined when his hips lowered down on yours.
He was sitting up for only a second so he could finish untying your bathing suit and tugging it off of you and you watched as his eyes locked hungrily on your bare chest while you panted heavily.
Your eyes were big and wanting as you stared up at him and the sight was almost too much so he went back to kissing you deeply.
His body was still just as wet as yours and the feeling of his hot skin warming up what the water had cooled was almost as addicting as the way he rolled his hips down slowly.
ā€œFuck y/n.ā€ He was groaning into your neck and you inhaled at the way he was biting the skin and definitely leaving marks on you. ā€œUsed to be mine remember?ā€
You were shaking your head in disagreement but the way you were rocking your hips and holding onto the back of his head was very telling, you might as well have had his name carved on you.
ā€œGonna make you mine again.ā€
Heeseung was pushing your bathing suit bottoms to the side and playing with the waistband of his before impatiently shoving them down onto his thighs. You were both hurt by his impatience and extremely turned on by the fact he was about to take you on the beach without even fully undressing you.
ā€œTell me you want it.ā€ His tongue licked up to your ear and you gasped at the feeling of his thick head pressing against your wetness, your legs spreading automatically for him.
ā€œWant it. Want it Hee.ā€ You were breathing heavily and trying to fuck yourself down on him even though it was pointless considering how strong his grip on your waist was, pinning you down against the sand and feeling the way you arched up into him when he started to push himself inside.
The slide was easy and your cry was loud enough that you almost worried the other boys would be able to hear you.
ā€œFucking tight.ā€ His voice was strained as he spat the words through gritted teeth and you clenched around him at the praise, wanting to make him feel as good as he was so easily doing to you. ā€œPerfect pussy for me, sliding right in. So wet y/n.ā€
His constant use of your name made you feel even more insane and you whined louder when he bottomed out inside you. Heeseung didnā€™t waste any time before he was starting to roughly fuck into you and it was exactly what you needed after years of pent of anger and emotions.
ā€œFuck me hard Hee.ā€ You begged him through your cries and he gladly delivered exactly what you needed, slamming his hips against yours so fast it was painful. ā€œFucking hate you.ā€
ā€œHate you so much.ā€ His rebuttal was quick and he caught your mouth in a rough kiss as he spoke, teeth hitting yours making you wince in pain.
ā€œShow me. Fuck me like you hate me.ā€
He was doing what you asked without any question and you almost broke from how much you could feel it radiating off of him, hate and anger stemming from something you didnā€™t even understand.
Then it was over before you even processed it started and you were both left panting on the sand as the sun finished setting and the sand underneath you dried.
Heeseung was rolling away from you to land on his back with a grunt and your entire body shivered when you felt his arm pressing against yours and giving you a little bit of warmth that barely made up for how cold you felt all over.
Everything surrounding you was cold now and him not saying a single world just made it ten times worse.
You were hit with shame and guilt tenfold and tears were springing to yours eyes before you could stop them. You vaguely heard him shifting next to you and sniffing loudly, your head turning to him.
Your eyes grew in size when you saw heā€™d dug something out of his discarded shirts pocket and was sitting up with his head turned away from you like it would make what he was doing any less obvious.
ā€œAre you fucking kidding me right now?ā€ Your voice was low and venomous and your hands uncomfortably went to cover your chest as you sat up and scooted away from him. ā€œYouā€™re getting high?ā€
He didnā€™t even look over at you as he cleared his burning throat and shoved whatever the small capsule was back into his crumbled up shirt. The sight of him rolling his eyes like you were annoying him almost made you just sink into the ocean and disappear.
ā€œGet dressed before they come down here and find you like that.ā€ He was standing up as he spoke again and you hated that the tears were fully falling now, hot on your flushed cheeks.
Your shaking hands did their best to tie up your bikini top and he finally looked down at where you were still sitting on the sand and sobbing. You werenā€™t sure he could see the tears considering how dark it was now but when he turned his face away with a cold expression you knew that he had.
Heeseung was pulling his shift over his head and hesitating for just a few seconds while looking at the stairs back up to the house, almost like he was considering leaving you there.
ā€œWho even are you?ā€ You werenā€™t sure how you managed to speak so strongly through your cries but he clearly felt the impact of it as he tensed up and his jaw locked.
ā€œDoes it matter?ā€
ā€”ā€”
After youā€™d gotten dressed you had stormed past him up the steps only after slamming your shoulder into his side and steeling your expression. He gave you a few seconds before he was following you up but he didnā€™t come inside when you got up there.
Youā€™d gone up to Riki and quietly asked him if he could take you home, cold hands shaking as they gripped his wrist and eyes still swollen.
The other boys were silent when they saw the state of you and you just hoped they couldnā€™t guess what had happened, shame hitting you hard at even the idea of them finding out how youā€™d just been used and discarded so easily.
You sat there the entire car ride back to town with your head half out the window and the warm summer air doing itā€™s best to stop the tears from rolling down your face.
Riki didnā€™t ask you any questions and you were grateful when he pulled into his own driveway and not yours, not even realizing how much you didnā€™t want to go home until you saw your front door and felt the nausea building.
It was unspoken that he let you rot in the bed in the spare room for the first few days and by day three Jake was rubbing your back softly and trying to get you to eat something.
Sunghoon came and went constantly and you spent most nights with him laying beside you, not touching or speaking but just having him there. You werenā€™t sure if theyā€™d figured it out or if Heeseung told them but something in you knew that they knew what happened.
You started to feel slightly better after a week of moping and letting yourself finally feel the heartbreak thatā€™d be been building for so many years and after two weeks you were back to work.
If you spent more your shift looking out the window to try to get a glimpse of him in the shop across the street then that was your own personal secret.
He was still somebody you cared about as frustrating as that was but it still made you sick that you started to worry when you hadnā€™t seen him for a few weeks.
It had been almost a month since that night on the beach and you no longer could assume he was just avoiding you. The town was too small and you would have run into by now regardless if you wanted that or not so heā€™d either been completely isolating himself or he was gone again and you werenā€™t sure which one of those hurt you more.
ā€œHeā€™s still here.ā€ Sunghoonā€™s voice was low next to your ear as you laid in his bed this time, giving Riki and his family a break even though he insisted they didnā€™t need or want one.
You still wanted to come up here with Sunghoon even though it was a bit hard considering what had happened last time but you figured it was hard for him to be in such a big house all by himself now that his dad wasnā€™t coming anymore.
ā€œDid you talk to him?ā€ You were rolling onto your stomach and looking at him with wide eyes and he sighed softly as he studied the hope on your face.
ā€œNot really.ā€ He was mumbling now and the pout your lips formed almost made him feel sick. ā€œJust for a second. I was skating past his place.ā€
You were nodding in understanding but you felt weirdly settled that he hadnā€™t gone anywhere and he was seemingly here to stay despite how it always felt like he was trying his hardest to get away from you all. You should have get the times worse that he was around and you had a change to run into him sooner than later but you were an idiot at heart.
ā€œHe doesnā€™t deserve you being sad for him, you know that right?ā€ Your hair was being pushed behind your ear by Sunghoonā€™s hand and you watched him as he stared.
He looked vulnerable and it made sense considering he was not the type of person to say things like that to anybody, especially not to you. Your heart hurt hearing it from somebody else but you gave a soft nod anyways despite not at all agreeing with what he was saying.
ā€œI mean it. Youā€™re likeā€¦ the best thing any of us could even begin to imagine and he acts like youā€™re going to stay no matter how he treats you. Heā€™s always been like that, you just didnā€™t want to see it.ā€
Your face fell as he kept talking and getting more and more upset. Youā€™d had no idea he felt this way or even noticed things like that and you hated that you started to think about what Heeseung had insinuated before on the beach.
It made you feel overly warm to consider that Sunghoon might have some type of feelings towards you and yet here he was, laying in bed with you for days and comforting you after you let some asshole break your heart for the thousandth time.
ā€œIā€™m not going to let him do that to me anymore Hoon.ā€ You heard your voice as it came out and heard how obvious the lie was, knowing he did too when he was just blankly staring at you.
ā€œYou love him.ā€ His response was curt but it hit you full force and you tried your best not to let any visible reaction show. ā€œYou chose him a long time ago.ā€
You werenā€™t sure if he was talking about you choosing Heeseung over yourself and your own well-being or if he was once again saying what you think he might have been.
The guilt coursed through you when you were laying your head down on his chest and listening to how fast his heartbeat started to pulse but you couldnā€™t look at his honest face anymore and the conversation needed to end before it was all too much.
It was only building more when the next morning you were writing him a note letting him know youā€™d be back soon before hitching a ride back into town.
You spent the entire hour it took getting to Heeseungā€™s house both trying to gather the courage to go through with your idea and also trying to talk yourself out of it, reaching a peak of panic when you were knocking softly on his door.
He took a long time to open and just as you were about to turn around and leave, there he was.
Standing in the doorway that youā€™d seen him in close to a thousands times but looking so different that it felt brand new. He didnā€™t look surprised to see you on his porch and that made you feel even shittier.
ā€œYou okay?ā€ He surprised you with the question and how genuine it sounded but you kept your face flat.
ā€œAre you okay?ā€ You emphasized the word and shifted uncomfortably in place until he was stepping aside and letting you in the small house. ā€œThe boys are worried about you.ā€
If he knew you were lying than he didnā€™t mention it and you took a second to glance around the living room.
Not much had changed about it besides the numerous boxes that were either still unpacked or in the process of being put back away. You didnā€™t want to ask him and when you met his eyes again you could tell he didnā€™t want to answer.
ā€œWell Iā€™m fine.ā€ His answer finally came and he was biting the inside of his cheek like he was trying not to say something.
He was such a mystery to you that it was genuinely started to get under your skin. He looked at you like youā€™d done something so terrible to him and you had absolutely no idea what was bothering him so much, especially since he was the one who had left you.
ā€œYouā€™re fine?ā€ Your voice was flat and bitter and he nodded stiffly to which you scoffed and rubbed your face in annoyance. ā€œSo you donā€™t want to talk about it? You donā€™t think we should?ā€
ā€œGo talk to Sunghoon if you want someone to talk emotions with.ā€ His gaze was fiery on you and you almost flinched away from it like it really could have burned you.
You stared at him dumbfounded for a few breaths and the air in the living room was so tense you worried the walls would collapse from it. He actually looked slightly regretful after he said it which shocked you but it didnā€™t really matter since it was already in your head now.
Heeseung was taking a deep breath and running a hand through his hair before looking at you one more time.
ā€œIā€™ll get dressed and we can go.ā€ You didnā€™t respond to him and your hurt stare was clearly making him uncomfortable. ā€œIs that okay?ā€
You waited just a few more seconds before you were giving him a curt nod and covering your mouth from the shock of the entire conversation and whatever was happening between the two of you.
He was turning to walk down the hallway to his room but stopping midway and giving you a glance over his shoulder like he was making sure you hadnā€™t left.
Your shoulders lost all tension the second he was out of sight and you leaned against the wall to help hold you up, proud of yourself for not running out or embarrassingly tearing up again.
It was quiet for a long time and you didnā€™t even want to begin to imagine what was taking him so long to throw on a simple outfit but youā€™d begun to wander around the house while you waited, ending up in the kitchen.
ā€œOh y/n.ā€
The soft voice calling out for you had your head turning swiftly and your eyes widened when you saw his mom standing in the doorway of the kitchen.
ā€œMs Lee.ā€ You sounded astonished and you hoped she wasnā€™t too offended by the fact you were standing in her house with your sandals still covered in sand. ā€œI didnā€™t know you were home. Iā€™m sorry to barge in.ā€
ā€œAlways such a sweet girl.ā€ She waved her hands at you like you were ridiculous for apologizing for such a small thing and your heart warmed when she crossed the room to hold your face gently. ā€œYouā€™re friends with my son again? Iā€™ll take that as a good sign.ā€
You smiled lightly and just nodded at her, not having the nerve to tell her you werenā€™t exactly friends and he definitely wasnā€™t doing as well as the hope in her voice led you to believe she thought he was.
ā€œYou were always so good for him. He worried so much about you never forgiving him for leaving but you must understand it wasnā€™t his fault.ā€ Her hands were warm on your face and you felt a lot of guilt as she spoke.
You werenā€™t exactly sure you were supposed to be hearing this so you didnā€™t ask her any questions or pry.
Heeseung mustā€™ve heard his moms voice because he looked flustered by the time he came out of his room, barely pulling his shirt over his head as he crossed into the kitchen and looked between the two of you.
ā€œMa, what are you doing back?ā€ His voice sounded overly similar to how it used to as he comfortably addressed her and the difference shocked you.
ā€œDonā€™t make me sound like such a bother.ā€ She was lightly scolding him before letting go of your face and you immediately missed the warmth of her hands and gaze. ā€œI was just telling y/n how happy I am you two are together again.ā€
Your eyes widened at the same time his did and your face flushed bright red at the implication that she thought you and Heeseung were dating now, along with how she apparently had thought youā€™d been dating beforehand too.
ā€œOh relax you two. I just mean together as in the same space.ā€ She laughed and waved her hands in dismissal again but you definitely didnā€™t relax. ā€œWhere is he taking you?ā€
It took you a few seconds to realize she was addressing you and your mouth parted in silence, fumbling for an answer since you didnā€™t actually know where he was planning for the two of you to go.
ā€œItā€™s a surprise Ma.ā€ His voice was gentle and so was the kiss he laid on the side of her head, her eyes shutting happily as he kissed her teeth and rubbed him on his shoulder. ā€œBut weā€™ve gotta get going.ā€
She was shooing you away without another word and giving you a heavy glance that you didnā€™t really understand, following behind Heeseung as he led you out back through the side entrance that came out onto their driveway.
ā€œOh holy shit. You still have this thing?ā€ You were curling your nose up at the sight of the old beat up pickup truck that his grandpa used to drive you all around in.
You always got the luxury of sitting on one of the other two seats inside since you were the only girl but all the boys had a blast everytime they had to pile into the bed and feel the wind drying them off as you drove home from the beaches and waterfalls.
Heeseungā€™s grandpa had died when you were about twelve and the truck sat in the driveway for many years until his grandma was giving him the keys for his 16th birthday, a wink and a swift warning before sending him off to pick you all up.
ā€œI still remember you outside my house blaring on the horn.ā€ You were smiling to yourself as you went around the front so you could climb into the passenger side, feeling the rough leather.
He was getting in a second after you and you tried your best to stare as he situated himself and cleared his throat before putting the truck into drive.
Your gaze on him made him glance your way as he was backing out but it barely lasted a blink before he was looking away.
You waited an hour before you were speaking again, spending the entire time with the windows down and the sound of the loud wind filling up whatever silence the old radio left. It was playing some tape his grandpa had left behind and his hands were tapping the steering wheel in time with it.
It felt the most like your old times with him than anything else had so far and you had to remind yourself that things were still different.
You may have taken this drive with him a dozen times but things had changed. His hand wasnā€™t on your knee drawing shapes and your eyes werenā€™t bright and filled with love as you laughed and yelled over the music together.
That picture was a lot warmer than what reality was and you glanced over at him again.
The mountains were stretching behind his side profile now that you were farther away from town than you usually went and he looked so relaxed and calm that you almost felt bad for ruining the silence.
ā€œAre you going to tell me where weā€™re going anytime soon?ā€ You were turning your body so your back was against the car door and your legs were curled into the middle seat, a few inches from the side of his thigh.
He didnā€™t answer you right away and you scoffed in annoyance at his audacity to just ignore you straight to your face like he hadnā€™t been the one to invite you here. You crossed your arms over your chest and looked away from him in upset but he was pulling onto the side of the road and parking the car before you could get really mad.
You sat there for a few seconds while he gripped the steering wheel and you took the time to glance around the area.
It was a long dirt road with a lot of thick trees and bushy areas, no other cars or parking lots in site. You were beyond confused and if it was anyone else with you then youā€™d even feel a little scared but despite Heeseung feeling like a stranger, he wasnā€™t one.
ā€œAre you okay with walking a bit?ā€ His voice was low when he finally spoke and you noticed he sounded similar to how he did while talking to his mom earlier, your heart tugging at how casual he was being towards you after weeks of hearing him sound so angry and empty.
ā€œY-yeah.ā€ Your eyes widened at the sudden question and you felt embarrassed for stuttering even though he didnā€™t seem to care considering he was nodding and getting out of the truck. ā€œNot a problem.ā€ You mumbled to yourself before following him.
He was disappearing into the tree line and you would have been more confused if you didnā€™t see the faintest evidence of an old trail that had clearly been overgrown.
Heeseung was confident in his steps and every turn he took seemed like it was practiced so you quickly gathered that he knew exactly where he was and you wondered when he would have come out here enough to be this knowledgeable about it.
You were together pretty much all the time as kids and as far as you knew he hadnā€™t gone anywhere since coming back to town so his mystery was just growing even more to you.
Youā€™d been walking for about twenty minutes with just the sounds of snapping sticks and the wind rustling the trees before it was opening up to reveal a small waterfall and a pond amongst the trees.
The bank was completely made up of rocks and fallen tree logs, something completely different than the sandy shores you were used to. You could tell right away this wasnā€™t a place for swimming but you just kept following him as he hopped onto the large boulders before eventually sitting on one.
You watched the side of his face as you waited for him to explain and he just watched the view with a slightly pained expression.
ā€œCan youā€¦ can you not look at me.ā€ His first words hit you hard and you flinched at the rough tone heā€™d taken on again. ā€œPlease it just will make this easier.ā€
Although confused, you nodded and opted for instead staring at the way your feet were dangling over the open water. Your thighs were burning from the rough edge of the boulder and the height you were sat at was slightly intimidating but you willed yourself to not look at him no matter how much you wanted to.
ā€œI came here the day that I left. Stole the truck and ran out of the house even though my mom was practically tripping over herself in the driveway trying to get me to stop. I think she thought if I went I wouldnā€™t come back.ā€ He took a break for you to process what he was telling you and the last sentence hit you hard.
You knew he loved his mom and hearing about her fear and what actually went down the day they moved away was almost too much and you considered asking him to stop talking.
Instead you clenched your hand onto the cold boulders surface and waited for him to keep going.
ā€œIt was a world of things that donā€™t matter anymore, never fucking matter but I need you to understand how much I regret it.ā€ You could feel him looking at you now.
ā€œI should have said goodbye to you and I shouldā€™ve answered your letters but I knew Iā€™d come back the second I heard a single word from you and I couldnā€™t leave her alone. She needed me and I figured youā€™d be okay with the others. Youā€™d hate me but youā€™d be okay.ā€
His voice was getting shakier and you couldnā€™t resist looking at him anymore although he didnā€™t look upset that you had done so, his hand stretching the distance between you so he could grip your hand that was practically clawing at the stone.
You squeezed his warm hand tight in yours as you sniffled and the tears built up quickly when you saw how nervous he looked.
ā€œAnd Iā€™m so fucking sorry for what I did to you at Sunghoonā€™s.ā€ He grit his teeth as he said it like it pained him to remember and your stomach turned uncomfortably, almost feeling sick at the memory of how shut off he had been now. Especially comparing it to the way he was looking at you now. ā€œI was angry at myself and took it out on you. It was fucking disgusting.ā€
A sob hit you at that and you donā€™t know if him scooting closer made you feel better or worse but you leaned into him anyways and felt your heart calm at the way he wrapped his arms around you.
ā€œY/n I donā€™t regret it okay? Just the way that it happened but you knowā€¦ I-I hope you know that Iā€™ve always-ā€œ He sighed and stopped talking like he couldnā€™t find the words and you wiped your face quickly.
You leaned away from him just enough to get a good look at his face and he looked panicked like he didnā€™t know how you were going to respond.
ā€œYouā€™re not high right now right?ā€
His face fell in hurt at your question before it was turning into understanding and guilty, the shake of his head not doing nearly enough to lessen your worries which he quickly seemed to notice because he was leaning closer and making sure you could see him when he spoke.
ā€œIā€™m not high I promise you. I havenā€™t been since that night on the beach.ā€ He sounded genuine and you would have believed him before but you didnā€™t know him now and he easily couldā€™ve been lying to you. ā€œHow can I help you know that?ā€
The desperation in his question and expression made him look so much younger and another sob hit you as you started to see him for who he was.
Not some corpse like imposter who had moved back to town and taken the identity of your old friend and lover but just a lost and confused Heeseung who had clearly gone through something you didnā€™t understand yet.
So when you kissed him it wasnā€™t for any other reason this time, it wasnā€™t because you just wanted to feel that he was actually there or because you thought there was no other way to be close to him again but it was because you wanted him to know that you believed him and you were patient.
Youā€™d been patient and youā€™d continue to be because Sunghoon had been right when he said you always loved Heeseung and youā€™d constantly choose him.
Something in you told you that this time heā€™d do his best to choose you too, his hands holding your face so gently and his thumbs swiping soothingly over your cheeks to rid you of the constant stream of tears despite his own wetting his face too.
You werenā€™t even really sure what you were crying for.
If it was for the pain heā€™d put you through or the pain he was dealing with himself. Maybe it was because of the lost time and the years you couldā€™ve spent together or the relief at not having to experience his absence again, something beautiful in the way you were holding each other and sharing the grief of what could have been.
You could only hope that what will be would be worth every tear in the end.
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bumblequinn Ā· 1 year ago
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hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.
as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)
but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:
changing expectations
the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!
my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.
when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.
so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?
with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.
with that in mind:
#1: work slower
when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.
instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.
i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm onlyā€”[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!
now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.
doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.
however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:
#2: switch projects
sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.
this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.
the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-moleā€”though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.
what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.
but it doesn't have to stop there.
#3: switch focus
maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?
let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:
what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?
and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?
what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?
any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.
or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.
but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:
#4: learn something new
when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.
for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. šŸ¦œšŸ“ā€ā˜ ļø)
it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)
that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:
music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang
mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix
general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!
(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! šŸ’“)
of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:
#5: consume art you love
not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.
but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.
and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.
what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.
as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.
none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.
and finally,
#6: rest, and live your life
let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?
take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).
it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machineā€”and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.
i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.
when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)
before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:
be kind to yourself.
being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to youā€”don't be one of them.
i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.
i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.
thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.
with care, bee šŸ¦
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gilverrwrites Ā· 5 months ago
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If that ask was too long and elaborate, I have another one!
What about a fic with Batman, where the reader finds out sheā€™s pregnant and doesnā€™t know how to tell Bruce since he already has mature/ teenager kids and she doesnā€™t know if he wants to raise one from the infant stage to adulthood.
She kinda overthinks about it and distance herself from Bruce. He notice it and when she would confess, to her surprise, Bruce would get super exited!
What I don't understand
AN: I'm back baby! At least partly, my hand is still on and off achy so I won't we posting as activiely as I have previously. I've done so much research on pregnancy that all my adds are now of pregancy tests, fertilitie test, baby stuff, I'm worried my bf might start to suspect that I'm pregnant which would be akward Bruce Wayne/F!Reader, 3.9K words CW: Husband/Wife dynamic, pregnancy, feet (none sexual), mentions of vomit, body dysmorphia, lying/sneaking around, prenatal anxiety/depression, martial problems, swearing. Fluffy ending tho!
Pregnancy brain is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Or maybe that's insanity, who knows? You ponder the thought as you fidget with the flimsy cardboard packaging of the pregnancy test you're awaiting the results of as if you don't know the answer. You'd already taken countless tests, trialling different brands in the hopes of a different outcome but every single one of them had confirmed your situation with variations on lines and plus signs. They'd never offered you a negative, and yet you keep trying.
There was no denying it, and pretty soon there would be no hiding. You were fast approaching the end of your first trimester at 9 weeks but had only found out about a month ago. The task of informing Bruce while there was still time to act seems to grow bigger and scarier with each passing day. Not to mention; it's becoming increasingly obvious that he already suspected something is wrong.
3 weeks ago:
The cold tile against your aching feet felt like ecstasy. You couldnā€™t help but close your eyes and lean against the wall, relishing in every second of release as you awaited Jasonā€™s return.
Youā€™d spend hours hiding your pain, precariously balancing in a pair of heels as you kept up appearances during a charity event being held at the manor. Bruce was currently being cornered by a visiting dignitary, and as bad as you felt leaving him alone, it might have been your only chance. Youā€™d slipped away to an off-limits hallway, grasping Jasonā€™s who had drawn the short straw for event appearances along the way. Once out of view to your guests youā€™d begged him to retrieve a pair of pumps from your bedroom, the petty prospect of keeping it secret from, and thus getting a one-up on his adoptive father being the primary motivator. That and he owed you, a lot, for defusing many situations in which he and your husband had butt heads.
The weight of your discarded shoes hung heavily from your fingers, you hadnā€™t realised how weighty they were. A shame, because they were so pretty. They were a gift from Bruce, strappy and bedazzled, the perfect colour to match your dress. Another pair for your ever-expanding collection, heā€™d always favoured gifting you shoes and purses, and you certainly didnā€™t mind, at least not until your ankles had begun swelling at the mere notion of being used for their primary function.
ā€œAre you okay? You seem off.ā€ Jasonā€™s voice returning to the hall made you jump out of your stupor, and he watched with concern as you tucked your heels behind a curtain and slipped into the flats heā€™d brought you.
ā€œFine, fine.ā€ You smile, patting his arm with a reassuring smile. ā€œJust didnā€™t wear those in properly and now Iā€™m paying the price.ā€
ā€œRight.ā€ He still seemed dubious and was about to say something else when a door creeks open, redirecting both of your attention.
Bruce stood in the doorway, stern, arms crossed. He glares at the both of you, he and Jason have a very similar glare. His eyes focus in on you, identifying you as the main culprit, his gaze roves across your form, lingering on your feet for an uncomfortably long time before speaking.
ā€œIf I have to suffer through this, so do the two of you.ā€ He points behind him. ā€œIn.ā€
Jasonā€™s face is obscured as he takes the lead, but Bruce must not like his expression because his frown seems to deepen.
You followed close behind, careful not to step on the hem of your dress now that you lack the additional six inches the heels had offered but your integration back into the crowd is halted. Bruce traced his hand along your back, cupping the curve of your waist and directing you to a lesser populated spot amongst the outskirts of your visitants.
The stony look on his face was gone, replaced with a polite smile for the crowd and softer eyes for you.
ā€œWhat happened to your shoes?ā€ His voice was low, in-perceivable to anyone but yourself.
ā€œMy feet were sore is all.ā€ Itā€™s not a lie.
ā€œToo sore for dancing?ā€ He asks, voice as slick as silk and you donā€™t want to agree but yes, they are too sore dancing. Not to mention youā€™d gotten nauseous from standing up too quickly only hours earlier but damn if you didnā€™t want to dance with your husband. Want to feel his chest against yours, his hands on your curves, admire the smile on his face. There are few things you enjoy more than any form of intimacy with Bruce.
ā€œMaybe later.ā€ You sighed, ā€œI think I need to sit down for a while.ā€
2 weeks ago:
ā€˜Breast changes are another very early sign of pregnancy. Your hormone levels rapidly change after the egg is fertilized. Because of these changes, yourĀ breasts may become swollen, sore, or tingly.ā€™
You groaned aloud, rereading the entry on WebMD once more. You hadnā€™t expected your breasts to change so early on, incorrectly assuming any swelling or pain would be a result of breast milk, but you were wrong.
Believing you had the house to yourself, you figure now was as good a time as any to read up on more early pregnancy symptoms, to correct any other misconception you might have. You were midway through reading about progesterone and how it causes constipation when your laptop pinged.
A notification popped up in the corner of the screen, a DM from UserDC27, Bruceā€™s bat-server codename. You click to open the message and audibly gasp when a screenshot of your browsing history greets you, framed in red with its own ā€˜suspicious activityā€™ notification in the corner.
ā€˜Pregnancy trimesters in weeksā€™ ā€˜Swollen breasts pregnantā€™ ā€˜Early pregnancy symptomsā€™
Amongst all the suspicious browsing habits of this family, of course yours had flagged up! Fucking ridiculous!
UserDC27: ? UserRI01: For a friend UserRI01: dw UserRI01: Love you x UserDC27: is typingā€¦ UserRI01: has signed out.
1 weeks ago:
ā€œGood morning.ā€ A familiar voice greeted you, strong hands slink around your body, brushing against your back and hips before settling on your stomach. What should have been a sweet moment frightened you, disturbing you from your train of thought and causing you to almost spill your morning decaf coffee.
ā€œWoah there.ā€ Bruce laughed, the warmth and proximity of him soothing you quickly. He effortlessly took the mug from your hands and settled it on the kitchen island so he could pull you closer without spillage.
ā€œSorry.ā€ You mumbled, turning your head to rest it against his chest. The strength of his cologne is always so much stronger in the mornings, the scent of the man you love, of citrus and woodsiness does wonders to comfort your frantic brain no matter the time or place. ā€œJust lost in thought.ā€
After a second you realise your mistake, youā€™ve allowed him an opening to ask what youā€™re thinking about and that exact moment certainly did not feel like the right time, what with Damian in the next room. You should be alone, completely alone.
He surprises you however, always one for keeping everyone on their toes, by spinning you around to face him and telling you, ā€œI donā€™t think thatā€™s it.ā€
ā€œWhat do you think it is?ā€ You tried to keep your voice airy, relaxed, unsuspicious but even you can hear the guilt in your tone.
ā€œI think youā€™re tired.ā€ He watches you with a playful glint in his eye, but the next words out of his mouth are accusatory no matter how light his tone is. ā€œWhere are you sneaking off to in the mornings, oh wife of mine?ā€
ā€œW-what?ā€ You heard him fine, you were stalling while you calculated a response. You had been sneaking off in the mornings and the fact that heā€™s asking so playfully, as opposed to interrogating which he is not unknown to do even with you, means he knows more than heā€™s letting on.
Bruce isnā€™t exactly an early riser, often too tired from long nights of crime fighting and case filing, but he is a light sleeper. Always on alert. Heā€™d already caught you in a bought of morning sickness once. Roused by the unpleasant noises youā€™d been making. Youā€™d lied about it, citing an upset tummy from something youā€™d eaten. You werenā€™t sure which was worse, the vomiting, the sombre expression heā€™d given you as he approached to rub your back throughout, or the look of horror on Alfredā€™s face when Bruce had brought up your supposed food poisoning later that day.
Ever since youā€™d purposely been rising early and sneaking off to dispel any nausea in one of the many guest bedrooms.
ā€œNowhere, Iā€™m just becoming more of a morning person I guess.ā€
He eyed you sceptically, and you thought you might crack under the pressure. His hands reach up to cup your face, preventing you from turning away. His touch is so gentle, so soft for a man of his stature. ā€œYou can tell me anything, you know that?ā€
ā€œOf course.ā€
As if you couldnā€™t feel worse he adds; ā€œI miss waking up to you beside me.ā€
ā€œOh Brucie-ā€œ
Youā€™re already on your tip toes, ready to concede, to apologise, to shower your sullen husband with kisses when youā€™re saved by the signal. Literally, a call from Duke 'The Signal' Thomas, with a reminder of your apprehension; an active situation that needed Batmanā€™s participation.
Your relationship, and now marriage to Bruce had always hinged on an unspoken understanding that Gotham comes first. Even with Tim taking over most of his responsibilities at Wayne Tech, Bruce simply does not have enough time to raise a baby. You can't expect him to take turns with the nighttime feeds, with the frequent nappy changes, with the constant attention an infant will need.
Youā€™ve no doubt Alfred would delight in assisting you, he's been dropping hints about wanting a baby Brucie since the engagement, and you love him very much but if youā€™re to raise a baby, you want to do it with your husband, not his butler.
Thatā€™s presuming your husband even wants a child. Another child. He already has enough children to populate a small village. Children with lives of their own. Children who in some way or another have followed in his vigilante footsteps. You think of the stress and trauma each of them has faced, and how it has affected them and their father. You think of Steph and her tremulous relationships with Bruce and Arthur. Of Jasonā€™s deaths, plural. Of Dicks ineptitude to form meaningful relationships with anyone outside of the lifestyle. Of all the childhoods so many, but especially Cass and Damian missed out on. Could you be responsible for putting another child through any of that?
Furthermore, if your child wanted to live this life, could you really stop them? Nobody stopped Tim. Nobody stopped Barbara, when Jim had tried it only caused the rift between them to grow bigger.
Could Bruce stop your unborn child? Would he want to?
Speak of the Oracle. The chime of your phone draws you out of your spiral of perinatal anxieties. Itā€™s Barbara, informing the girls-only group chat that sheā€™s running late for lunch. Crap. Youā€™d completely forgotten that youā€™d promised the girls lunch and shopping. Barbara had some tech on hold, Steph wanted to try the new caramel cookie waffles at Goodilicious, and Cass needed new boots whether she knew it or not.
Hurriedly, you shove the used test into a previously disused makeup bag that is now full of other used tests. It's starting to smell, but you don't have time to figure out how to stealthily throw it out, so you hide it at the back of a cupboard behind a basket of sanitary products before rushing out the door.
Later
Catching up with the girls had been fun, it had really helped you forget about your predicament and just relax for a while, but it had also taken a lot out of you, keeping you out well past dinner. Your body just was not functioning as well as it used to, for obvious reasons.
Upon returning to the mansion youā€™d made it to the ground floor lounge, feet too sore to even consider the stairs, and collapsed on the closest couch, exerting just enough energy to pry your shoes and sock off of your swollen feet prior to falling asleep. Just a quick nap you tell yourself, to regain some energy, youā€™ll be right as rain in time for Damianā€™s bedtime. Heā€™s old enough now to put himself to bed, especially given that he often patrols with his father until the early hours of the morning, but tonight is his night off and youā€™d always make the effort to wish him sweet dreams when you can.
Youā€™re awoken by the feel of calloused fingers pressing into the arches of your feet. You hadnā€™t heard him enter, but Bruce is sitting on the arm of the couch, in nothing but sweatpants and slippers. Between his bare chest and cowl hair, he is a welcome sight, bruised chest and freshly cut lip and all.
ā€œWhat happened to you?ā€ You ask, voice husky from your impromptu nap. You manage to draw your eyes away from Bruce long enough to check the time on an antique wall clock, itā€™s 4 AM. Youā€™d far exceeded a nap. ā€œWhereā€™s Damian?ā€
ā€œNothing I couldnā€™t handle. Damian is asleep. When you didnā€™t wish him a goodnight he came to look for you, thatā€™s how I knew you were here.ā€ He asserts. He looks at you with a furrowed brow and pinched lips, working his thumb into the arch of your feet with just enough pressure to make you mewl in relief. ā€œAre you punishing me for something?ā€
The question hits you like a ton of bricks, itā€™s not without merit. You hadnā€™t intended to spend the night on the couch, but you can understand how it must look to him, especially in tangent with the ways in which you had intentionally been avoiding him; sneaking out in the mornings, not allowing him to see your naked body for fear that heā€™ll notice your swollen breasts, and growing belly. You hadnā€™t had sex in at least three weeks.
All at once you are overcome with remorse. Youā€™d been so consumed with the pregnancy and how best to approach the subject with Bruce that you hadnā€™t stopped to think how your actions would weigh on him. Heā€™s so strong, your anchor, an unchanging presence for the whole family. He locks himself and his emotions behind the big bad bat or billionaire Brucie so well that sometimes he forgets he has them. Sometimes you forget. Even now, clearly hurting and concerned for his marriage, heā€™s rubbing your feet.
ā€œNo of course not Bruce, Iā€™m sorryā€¦ā€ your mind starts to form the end of your apology ā€˜I was just so tiredā€™ or ā€˜itā€™s been a long dayā€™ and they wouldnā€™t be lies but theyā€™re not the right thing to say. You canā€™t keep postponing for the ā€˜right momentā€™ that will never come, canā€™t keep chickening out. He needs to know the truth. ā€œIā€™m- Iā€™m pregnant.ā€
Youā€™re not sure how youā€™d expected him to respond really. Youā€™d feared anger, hoped for joy but instead, he continues to stare at you, his brows raising in a way that implied he needed more information. He swaps your left foot for your right as he awaits your resumption. When you donā€™t speak he nods and states; ā€œI know.ā€
ā€œYou know?ā€ As though possessed your tired body launches into an upright seated position. ā€œHow could you know?ā€
Bruce smiles in response, an amused, tight-lipped ā€˜Are you kidding?ā€™ smile.
ā€œWell, to name a few things;ā€ he counts off each observation on his fingers. ā€œYouā€™ve stopped wearing heels because your ankles are constantly swollen, your breasts are also noticeably swollen even under your clothes, you now only drink decaf, you seemingly have ā€˜food poisoningā€™ every morning and at no other time of day, a massive increase in urination, and my personal favourite, the bag full of positive pregnancy tests behind a crate-full of menstrual products that havenā€™t been used in almost three months.ā€
Heā€™s trying to hide it, but heā€™s smug about his own detective skills. His mouth might be straight but thereā€™s a fire in his eyes that has you drawing your legs away from him with a huff, abruptly ending the massage you had been enjoying. ā€œHow long have you known?ā€
ā€œIā€™d had my suspicions for about 6 weeks, but I wasnā€™t certain until I found your stash last week.ā€ Typical of Bruce to have figured out you were pregnant before youā€™d known yourself. ā€œWhat I donā€™t understand, is why you didnā€™t tell me. Why youā€™ve been lying.ā€
ā€œIā€™m sorry, I know I shouldnā€™t have kept this from you. I was going to butā€¦ā€ You trail off,Ā  straightening your thoughts as best you can and finding your composure, preparing to begin monologuing about your concerns. ā€œI didnā€™t know how youā€™d feel about it, what with you know, already having so many kids. Everyone but Damian has flown the nest, Dick and Babs are married! Theyā€™re all so grown up, do you really want to start again? And thenā€¦ā€
Conscious of your rambling you cut yourself off, looking to Bruce for reassurance that youā€™re not talking too much, that heā€™s not offended by your worries. He consoles you by coming closer, sitting on the cushion beside you and easily coaxing your legs over his. His firm hands are gentle as they grasp your knee.
ā€œAnd what?ā€ He questions.
ā€œI wasnā€™t sure how I feel, I wanted to figure that out before talking to you.ā€
ā€œWhat do you think you feel about it?ā€
ā€œI think I want to have your baby Bruce, our baby.ā€ So caught up in your thoughts, you hadnā€™t noticed your husbandā€™s hands creeping higher and higher up your body until a hand settles on your stomach, his thumb stroking you through the fabric of your shirt. Youā€™d been so self-conscious of its growth but as you look at it now, under Bruceā€™s sturdy fingers, you realise it isnā€™t much bigger than it had been pre-pregnancy. How tedious your problems seemed when voiced and put into perspective, except maybe one. ā€œIā€™m just not sure about howā€¦ well I guess I never thought about raising a child within your lifestyle.ā€
ā€œI understand.ā€ He nods, confirming his statement. Heā€™s done well to keep his face soft but neutral throughout, a staple of his Batman facade but also a careful way not to let his own emotions interfere with yours.
ā€œWhat do you think?ā€ He looks down at your abdomen as he considers his words. You follow his gaze, watching as his fingers lift your top, exposing your skin to him. Without warning he lowers himself to pepper your belly with gentle kisses, the ticklish motion causes you to giggle and writhe beneath him.
When he looks up at you again heā€™s smiling, the motion causing the scab on his lip to split and bleed. Without thought you pull yourself closer to him, using his broad shoulders as leverage. Once close enough you dab at the minor wound with your thumb soaking up the fluid as best you can and examining the cut to ensure no further damage.
Bruce watches you intently the whole time, cupping your face in his hand when you appear satisfied. The adoration in his eyes makes you feel sheepish even after everything youā€™ve been through together.
ā€œI think,ā€ his voice is low, sincere. ā€œI couldnā€™t be happier to be growing our family together. I think this child, like all our children, will be lucky to have you as a mother, whatever life they choose to lead.ā€
The amount of pent-up tension in your body had not been apparent to you until now. Until your body noticeably lightens in response to his words. The relief of no longer sneaking around, no more fretting over how he might react has you wishing youā€™d done this a long time ago.
ā€œBruce?ā€ You sag into his chest, breathing him in. His arms unconsciously wrap around you in response, pulling you in for a tighter embrace. ā€œWeā€™re having a baby.ā€
ā€œWere are having a baby.ā€ He confirms, pressing more, tender kisses to your neck, the curve of a smile apparent as his lips press to your exposed skin. "I've been waiting for this moment since the day we me. But, I think itā€™s time we got to bed, itā€™s late.ā€
Swift and practiced, Bruce lifts you from the couch, cradling you in the bridal position. You stretch to check the clock, 4:34 AM.
ā€œTechnically itā€™s early.ā€ You jest, expecting him to punish your cheek by jolting you in the air or throwing you over his shoulder as he normally does, but instead, he chides you with an amused glare, clearly too concerned about the baby for play fighting.
ā€œNeither of us has been to bed, itā€™s late.ā€ His grip tightens on your body as he makes his way up the stairs, one steady step at a time. ā€œAnd I expect my wife to be in our bed when I wake up.ā€
ā€œHmmm.ā€ Your morning sickness has eased in the last few days, youā€™d only persisted in sneaking out to be safe, but he doesnā€™t need to know that just yet. ā€œIā€™ll try, but I might be in our bathroom.ā€
ā€œI can cope with that. At least then I can care for you. And we can throw out your hoard.ā€ You donā€™t fuss over the likelihood of him having to rush off to save the day or for an urgent board meeting, you just throw your head back, laughing at yourself for trying to hide anything from Bruce.
When you reach the bedroom he lays you in the bed and climbs over your form. Heā€™s in full caretaker mode, a manner you could get used to. He carefully removes your clothes, offers to redress you in your sleepwear and to bring you your lotions, or anything you should need from the bathroom.
Dawn is breaking behind your blackout curtains by the time youā€™re both settled in bed, entangled in each otherā€™s arms. Sleep has nearly taken you again when Bruce whispers; ā€œI do have one other thought.ā€
ā€œOh?" You peer at him curiously over your shoulder. "Yes dear?ā€
ā€œI think you should be the one to tell Damian.ā€
His request hangs heavy in the air as you consider the implication. ā€œTell Damian that he will no longer be your only blood child?ā€
The room remains silent, he doesnā€™t expand because you know what heā€™s getting at. Damian probably wonā€™t mind, because heā€™ll still be the oldest, the first in line and youā€™re certain heā€™ll be a wonderful older brother, heā€™s great with animals, so why not babies? Right?
ā€œā€¦ That's not fair.ā€
ā€œThink of it as penance for lying to me all month.ā€ Thereā€™s an air of humour in his voice as he pulls you closer still, squeezing himself into your back and planting sleepy kisses against your neck. ā€œBesides, heā€™ll probably take it better from you. I think he likes you more.ā€
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lexyeevee Ā· 1 year ago
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it's wild to see myhouse having escaped the orbit of Doom People, because so much of it specifically riffs on doom in a way that is laser-targeted at Doom People, to the point that i just wouldn't have expected it to be nearly as interesting if you don't pick up on that stuff
right from the outset, "my house" is even a recognizable genre, because doom was among the first approachable platforms for creating a 3D space, and if you give random people the ability to create a 3D space then many of them will just try to recreate their own house. (i want to say jp lebreton even made an effort to play through every house map on the idgames archive at one point, though hell if i can find it now.) there was in fact already a "myhouse.wad", from 1995!
frankly it's incredible that someone (or someones) put so much effort into this map and then had the gall to simply post it on doomworld as "myhouse.wad", because that is a thread title that guarantees the fewest possible people will bother to look. there are posts in the thread where people outright admit that they only checked because they were surprised how many replies a "my house" wad got.
so anyway, okay, the "classic" doom wad experience is that you download a wad, it contains exactly 1 map, and it has zero custom textures or music or other frills. most wads from the 90s are like this; if you're lucky you might get a bad midi rendition of a metallica song. nowadays there are texture artists and musicians and everything collaborating on full map packs, but "just a map" is still kind of the default mapping experience and is recognizable to anyone who's been around doom for sufficiently long.
and myhouse riffs on absolutely every aspect of this:
ā€¢ the music is the MAP01 music, Running From Evil, which is just the music you get if you supply your own map in the MAP01 slot and do nothing else. so a ton of 90s maps had this same track as their background music, so everyone has heard it a zillion times. it is ingrained into so many people's skulls. subtly fucking with it is a great way to fuck with the player
ā€¢ the house uses only stock doom 2 textures, or occasionally light modifications of them. again this is just what you get if you make a map and don't supply any other resources, so the stock textures are very familiar. only later, with sufficient poking around, does the map introduce new textures, which really help sell the impression of being swept away to Somewhere Else
ā€¢ if you take the exit, you go to MAP02, Underhalls. this is the expected experience because doom wads replace what's already there ā€” you're not really supplying a "new map pack" or anything, you're overwriting a map from the original doom 2 progression. (there are ways to fiddle with this now, but in vanilla doom 2, the level progression was hardcoded.) so the "ending" of a no-frills single-map wad is always, always to transition to Underhalls. the opening shot of Underhalls is practically like seeing the credits. so roping Underhalls into the experience is completely unexpected, because Underhalls is the sign that you've escaped back to regular doom
ā€¢ the super shotgun is "hidden" in Underhalls, in probably the best-known super shotgun location in the whole game, because it's the first time you can get it
ā€¢ incidentally Underhalls itself feels uncanny, because the player camera height is higher than usual to make the house's proportions feel sensible. (part of the trouble with exact recreations of real spaces in doom is that the camera is weirdly low.) i was actually convinced that myhouse included a modified Underhalls, but no, it's stock doom 2 Underhalls, it just feels off when you're slightly taller
but wait, there's more
ā€¢ silent teleporters are a feature from boom, a very early doom derivative that added a number of helpful mapping features and is basically considered only half a step beyond vanilla. so shifting between two versions of a space without interruption isn't completely unexpected. it's only later that the portal use becomes more obvious
ā€¢ although if you're especially canny, you should notice that the second version of the house shows both the upstairs and downstairs windows in full, which is impossible ā€” doom cannot do room-over-room. (in fact this is accomplished with a semi-obscure zdoom feature called sector portals ā€” essentially, the whole second floor and the space outside it are a separate area, and the "ceiling" of the yard becomes a view up through the "floor" of that second space.)
ā€¢ swinging doors are a hexen feature (polyobjects) that gzdoom inherited. (heretic and hexen were modifications of the doom engine, and zdoom started out as a merge of all three codebases into something that could play all three games.) they might also be in other fancy engines (eternity?), but they are very distinctly not a doom thing. if you're deeply familiar with doom's limitations then they'll jump out at you immediately, but if you're looking at doom like it's any old 3D game then maybe not so much
ā€¢ recreations of other humble real-world locales are also a somewhat common theme, and remind me in particular of Doom City, from way back in 1995
ā€¢ a very common desire for players is to "uv-max" a map, i.e. reach the exit on ultra-violence with 100% kills and secrets. if you can't do this, the map is (reasonably) considered broken. it is comically impossible to do this in myhouse, and anyone with the skill to create the map would be acutely aware of this
ā€¢ the extra weapon frames look to be borrowed from the well-known smooth doom, which adds extra frames for everything and is just pretty dang slick overall. so it's not merely "ho ho, got you, smoother weapons" but specific integration of another familiar project
ā€¢ this might be reaching a bit, but mirrors are specifically a nightmare in zdoom's software renderer because they work by rendering all visible geometry as if it were physically present on the other side of the mirror ā€” and if there be any actual geometry back there, it will also get rendered and you will have a big fucking mess. so a mirror in the middle of a room is a laughable idea. this is somewhat less of a concern now that the hardware renderer is basically the default, but it's still a spectre looming over the very concept of mirrors, so the way mirrors play out in myhouse is very funny to me
there's probably more, like, the way it intercepts noclip is a stroke of genius and not something i've ever seen done before. but i hope you get the idea
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mionemymind Ā· 8 months ago
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Blood Drive
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Summary: While donating at a local blood drive, Y/n stumbles up the best nurse in town, Wanda Maximoff. Unable to get Wanda out of her mind, Y/n goes through a lengthy process just to ask her out.
Warnings: Fluff, Blood Donations, Passing Out, Needles, Happy Ending
A/n: Not gonna lie, I think it's somewhat getting easier to write kissing scenes but I still have to look at a tumblr post just to figure out the wording for it. Let me know what you think :)
Word Count: 4.0k
Masterlist
In an era of new politics, the Mayor of New York City declared that registered heroes of the city had to do mandated community service. This was a new mission to help build relationships between the regular folk of New York City and the heroes that harbor it. Because letā€™s be honest, having Hulk throw your new car at the enemy was not the best introduction for regular people.Ā 
Those who harbored powers relaying force or strength helped out in the trade industry. Youā€™d often see super soldiers helping out in the demolition zone by crushing what was needed. Those with magic tried their best to help heal the homeless or aided at soup kitchens. Anywhere you can unconventionally help, the heroes did.Ā 
For Y/n, it was a lot of physically demanding tasks. Such as helping families move from apartment to apartment. Or helping police officers move accidents out of the way. Sometimes, she would even demonstrate how to safely carry a person through a burning building for the local firefighters.Ā 
Today, however, Y/n decided to do something different. Rather than focusing on the same physical tasks, she chose a simpler mundane task. ā€œHi there, are you here for the blood drive?ā€ Y/n nodded in agreement to the receptionist upfront. ā€œJust sign in for me right here. Have you filled out the online rapid pass?ā€
ā€œYes, I have the QR code screenshotted.ā€ The receptionist smiled warmly. ā€œPerfect. Someone will be with you soon. Please have a seat in our waiting area.ā€Ā 
Y/n walked towards the waiting room area. This was the fourth thing on her list of community service opportunities to try. She wasnā€™t quite sure if her blood was even allowed to be donated, having the super soldier serum in her surely could cause a reaction to a regular human.Ā 
After some tests back at the compound, the staff found everything to be okay. Thatā€™s how Y/n ended up in a place like this.Ā 
ā€œY/n Y/l/n.ā€ Getting up from her seat, Y/n followed a nurse in red scrubs to a different area. ā€œHow are you today?ā€Ā 
ā€œIā€™m good. I'm a little nervous. Iā€™ve never done this before.ā€ The nurse led them to a private part of a huge common room. Multiple stations were built throughout with various people donating blood. ā€œItā€™s okay to be nervous, but the worst feeling youā€™ll get today is just a small prick.ā€
Y/n breathed out slightly in relief. ā€œLet me first get your basic information.ā€ The nurse had gone over Y/nā€™s personal information but was immediately flagged by the date of birth. ā€œIt says you were born on April 2, 1917. It mustā€™ve been a typo.ā€
The nurse almost changed it to 1971. ā€œActually maā€™am, that is the correct birth date.ā€Ā 
ā€œSo you mean to tell me you were born during World War I?ā€ The nurse was unwilling to believe the joke that was being played. Y/n could immediately tell from the look she gave. ā€œIt was the Great War at the time, but yes maā€™am I was born in 1917. Iā€™m actually a super soldier.ā€
The nurse went back to her computer and typed in more information to store on Y/nā€™s file. ā€œAh - I see. Iā€™m sorry about that. Thereā€™s already a note on your file. It looks like your director has already approved your donation today.ā€Ā 
Y/n sighed in relief, while she didnā€™t mind explaining to people her situation of being frozen for so long, it was strenuous trying to get them to understand it all. The rest of the consultation went along smoothly as she gathered the remaining information such as Y/nā€™s hemoglobin and her rapid pass.Ā 
ā€œAlright dear, letā€™s get you to a bed.ā€ The nurse led them back to the common area where all the beds were laid out. ā€œJust sit right here for me, right now we currently have a special volunteer today thatā€™s helping out with the drive. Sheā€™ll come over in a couple of seconds to help you out. But if you have any questions, please feel free to let us know.ā€Ā 
Y/n sat up on the reclined bed and looked at her phone. She scrolled through her messages to make sure nothing important was happening. The sound of someone clearing their throat gained her attention. ā€œY/n?ā€ As Y/n looked up, she could physically feel the moment that time stopped again. Was it possible that she fell back into the ice again? Surely she would feel the same numbness as before. But it was all different. Because from just one look from this girl would be enough to melt all the ice away.Ā 
Y/nā€™s breath hitched as she locked eyes with her. ā€œI- yes, thatā€™s me.ā€ Y/n cleared her throat, embarrassed at the lack of composure she had.Ā 
ā€œNice to meet you today. My name is Wanda Maximoff and Iā€™ll be helping you with your blood donation today.ā€ All Y/n could do was nod as she further realized that the woman in front of her was the Scarlet Witch.Ā 
Wanda looked through her notes on the clipboard. ā€œIt looks like itā€™s your first time donating, is that true?ā€ Y/nā€™s eyes remained locked on Wanda. It was embarrassing how much she couldnā€™t look away. ā€œUh yes. It is.ā€
ā€œDo you have a preference on which arm you would like to use today?ā€ Y/n shook her head in disagreement. ā€œNo preference at all.ā€Ā 
Wanda wrote down more information when a note caught her eye. ā€œS.H.I.E.L.D. approval - are you a member?ā€ Wanda looked over at the young girl in front of her trying to see if she could remember the pretty face.
ā€œIā€™m one of their new recruits. Only been active for three months.ā€ And suddenly, Y/n seemed to never mind all the questions that Wanda could possibly ask. If it meant talking to her, Y/n would oblige.Ā 
ā€œThatā€™s great to hear. If you donā€™t mind me asking, do you have any powers that we should be aware of?ā€Ā 
ā€œWell, I think youā€™re aware of my counterpart, Bucky Barnes. We both have a super soldier serum.ā€ Wanda smiled at the mention of her old teammate/acquaintance.
Ā ā€œInteresting. How come I havenā€™t heard about you before?ā€ Wanda couldnā€™t shake the feeling that somehow she had managed to miss this girl for three months.Ā 
Y/n scratched the back of her neck sheepishly. ā€œYou know how Steve was found in ice right?ā€ Wanda nodded. ā€œThatā€™s basically the same situation I was in but rather than crashing into the arctic, I was in a freezer chamber. Iā€™ve been awake for only ten months.ā€ The shock on Wandaā€™s face was apparent.Ā 
ā€œSorry to keep asking,ā€ Y/n never minded, ā€œhow has it been like adjusting back to the new life?ā€ Y/n shrugged indifferently.Ā 
ā€œA little rough. I do miss my friends back from my time, but Bucky has been trying his best to help me. However, he has been focused on helping the new Captain America, Sam?ā€
Wanda nodded, confirming that Y/nā€™s information was correct. ā€œI do enjoy the fact that Iā€™m no longer Hydraā€™s soldier though. More than anything, Iā€™m just glad to have a second chance in life. Not a lot of people get that so Iā€™m pretty thankful.ā€
Wanda digested Y/nā€™s words and was pretty enlightened at Y/nā€™s outlook on life. ā€œThank you for answering all my questions.ā€
ā€œItā€™s no problem.ā€Ā 
ā€œNow, let's get you set up to donate.ā€ Wanda proceeded to bring out a couple of items from the nearby stand. On the table beside Y/n, Wanda placed various tubes and empty bags. Although it was nothing, the sight made Y/n feel slightly uncomfortable. It reminded her too much of Hydraā€™s labs but minus the dark atmosphere and torture that came with it.Ā 
As if sensing her discomfort, Wanda grabbed a disinfectant and started to disinfect Y/nā€™s left arm around the area inside her elbow. ā€œYa know, for being so nice and cooperative. How about you ask me a couple of questions? It makes the day go by faster.ā€Ā 
Bringing herself out of her internal thoughts, Y/n asked the first thing that came to mind. ā€œYouā€™re the Scarlet Witch, right?ā€
It was Wandaā€™s turn to blush. She hadnā€™t expected Y/n to recognize her so quickly, especially since she just got back to the real world.Ā  ā€œI am.ā€
ā€œI wasnā€™t aware that you could help with the American Red Cross as part of your community service.ā€ Wanda grabbed a marker and a squeezable toy. She placed the toy in Y/nā€™s left hand stating, ā€œGive me three big squeezes and hold on the last squeeze.ā€
While pressing around Y/nā€™s elbow, she continued with, ā€œI had to do some training to get qualified. A lot of the people who use magic generally help in other areas.ā€ Wanda marked a dot followed by a line. ā€œYou can stop squeezing now.ā€
ā€œIā€™m gonna disinfect one more time and then Iā€™ll have to poke you. Are you scared of needles?ā€ Feeling more embarrassed, Y/n looked away as she said, ā€œYes.ā€Ā 
ā€œAll good. Just means Iā€™ll have to give you a small distraction.ā€ Wanting to distract herself even more, Y/n asked, ā€œWhy did you decide to do this rather than something in your wheelhouse?ā€
Wanda thought about it before replying with, ā€œI like the normalcy of it. On the plus side, it feels more rewarding. Like Iā€™m actually earning my community time rather than going the easy way of using my powers.ā€ As Wanda finished disinfecting, she blew on Y/nā€™s elbow hoping it would dry fast.Ā 
ā€œWhen I give you the go-ahead, Iā€™ll have to ask you to give me three more squeezes and hold on to the last one, okay?ā€ Y/n nodded and waited for the signal.Ā 
ā€œAnd - go.ā€ Y/n did as told, but as she did her last squeeze and held, red wispy magic flowed in front of her morphing into swirls in the air. ā€œWoah.ā€ She followed the magic with her eyes, not even noticing that Wanda had already poked her and started the transfusion.Ā 
ā€œShould be about 10 minutes. Every couple of seconds give the toy a small squeeze to keep it going.ā€ Y/n glanced away from the magic amazed with Wanda. ā€œThat didnā€™t even hurt.ā€ For the first time in Y/nā€™s life, she didnā€™t scream when the needles came.Ā 
Wanda couldnā€™t help but keep the magic up for a little longer. The dopey look on Y/nā€™s face was something she didnā€™t want to go away.Ā 
ā€œI told you I would distract you.ā€ Y/n was at a loss of words. Her brain jumbled for anything but all she could focus on was that Wanda Maximoff successfully distracted her. She had a natural caring heart, something the media failed to show.Ā 
ā€œYour magic is beautiful by the way.ā€ Y/n savored the last few seconds of it before it completely disappeared.Ā 
Wandaā€™s magic has been called many things in life, powerful, destructive, and manipulative but none have ever said beautifulā€¦till now. ā€œThank you Y/n.ā€Ā 
There was a small silence as Wanda stayed to make sure Y/n was okay. ā€œIā€™ll be assisting other volunteers, but if you start to feel like you're fainting, just call me over, okay?ā€Ā 
ā€œI will.ā€ Would it have been wrong to immediately fake an injury just to get Wanda back? Possibly but Y/n weighed the consequences and none could compare to her. So as Wanda left, Y/n used her free hand to call Bucky. After a couple of rings, he picked up the phone. ā€œHey, Y/n.ā€Ā 
Getting straight to the point, ā€œIs Wanda Maximoff single?ā€Ā 
ā€œUhh - I think so. She and this synthezoid, Vision, used to date but I believe they broke up a year ago. Why do you ask?ā€ Y/n looked at Wanda who was across the room. Her radiant smile could be spotted from miles away. ā€œJust wanting to gather intel. Thanks Bucky.ā€Ā 
Y/n hung up the phone, not caring about what Bucky had to say back. Her eyes lingered back to Wanda. No matter how much she distracted herself with her phone, her eyes always glanced back on Wanda Maximoff. Her hair was tied up in a high ponytail and all she wore was matching red scrubs. But everything about her looked and felt beautiful.Ā 
Little did Y/n know, Wanda was admiring her too.Ā 
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The blood donation was soon over, quicker than Y/n anticipated.Ā  Wanda had already come over, stopped the machine, and disconnected the line from Y/nā€™s arm. She taped a cotton ball on top of the area she poked and proceeded to wrap a red bandage around Y/nā€™s elbow.Ā  ā€œYou keep this red bandage on for two hours and the cotton ball for four hours.ā€Ā 
Wanda grabbed a pamphlet that had Y/nā€™s personal information and gave it to her. ā€œDonā€™t miss a single meal for the next eight weeks. Make sure to drink plenty of water as well. If you feel dizzy in the next couple of hours, be sure to call this number, okay?ā€
Y/n nodded. Her mind was elsewhere at the moment, trying to find ways to ask Wanda Maximoff out. ā€œDo you have any questions for me though?ā€Ā 
Y/n opened her mouth, wanting to ask her, ā€œAre you busy after this?ā€ But nothing came out. And the more she tried to say words, the more silence that remained.Ā 
ā€œWanda!ā€ The pair turned to the employee that shouted her name. ā€œI have someone that needs your help after you're done with your current volunteer.ā€Ā 
ā€œUnderstood.ā€ Wanda looked back at Y/n. ā€œWe have snacks and shirts over there but I think you should be good now. Thank you for donating today.ā€Ā 
As Wanda walked off, Y/n couldnā€™t help but beat herself up for not asking. She took a couple snacks and juice boxes before walking out of the donation center.Ā 
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Was Y/n in love? Not quite yet. Infatuated? Probably. It was the best explanation as to why she was back at the blood drive the very next day. The brown eyed girl paced around all night trying to think of ways to see Wanda again. And the very first realistic idea she thought of was to donate blood again.Ā 
The super soldier practically begged the compound to give her another approval to donate blood stating that her super serum allowed for faster recovery. When no one could argue with her logic, they allowed a special approval to donate so soon.Ā 
So when Y/n followed all the same directions, all the same questions, she was met with disappointment when she didnā€™t see the redhead that captured her mind. ā€œHi, my name is Lucy and Iā€™ll be helping you today.ā€Ā 
As Lucy proceeded to set up, Y/n couldnā€™t help but ask, ā€œIs Wanda Maximoff here today?ā€Ā 
The blonde shook her head with a small smile. ā€œIā€™m sorry dear. Sheā€™s not going to be here today.ā€ Y/n couldnā€™t hold back the frown that escaped. It was stupid to think that Wanda would come back the very next day, but she had hope.Ā 
And as much as Y/n wanted to ask when sheā€™ll be back, she knew the blood center wouldnā€™t give out information like that. Regardless, Y/n was determined. She was going to see Wanda again.Ā 
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It was a new month and a new day. Although Y/n was glad to help a good cause, her hope waned as each day passed with no Wanda. By now, everyone in the blood center knew Y/n by name. On the bright side, the other volunteers were not bad to talk to but none compared to her.Ā 
So as Y/n sat down once again, she scrolled on her phone, expecting much disappointment. Until the voice that captured her heart called her name. ā€œY/n?ā€
She looked up from her phone and saw that familiar smile that was ingrained in her head. ā€œWanda.ā€ Y/n couldnā€™t hold her smile back as she finally saw the girl that sheā€™s been begging to see.Ā 
ā€œLooks like youā€™re here for youā€¦18th donation? Look at you being a star citizen.ā€ Y/n blushed knowing that those donations were mainly for something else. ā€œI think by now you should know the drill. Are there any concerns you may have?ā€
Wanda looked back at Y/n, ready to disinfect her arm. ā€œI-ā€ Y/nā€™s brain short circuited at the feeling of Wandaā€™s hands on her arm. It was like everything that she wanted to say suddenly left her brain. But the feeling was just on the tip of her tongue.Ā 
ā€œYou know, they should give you a badge or something for donating so much. I didnā€™t even know that was possible. Didnā€™t you start donating like last month?ā€ Again, not a single thought formulated in Y/nā€™s head when all she could focus on was how soft Wandaā€™s hands were. Because if Y/n was able to focus, she would be able to say that her donation was 17 days, 13 hours, and 5 minutes ago. But who was counting?Ā 
Wanda looked back at Y/nā€™s chart to confirm her suspicions. ā€œAre you still scared of needles though?ā€ And thatā€™s when Y/n finally got back into the real world. For all the times sheā€™s been back, sheā€™s had to look away from the needle while using a nearby pillow to control her nerves.Ā 
ā€œI think I might need your magic again.ā€ Y/n blushed at the request but felt proud at the smug look that came from Wanda. ā€œI might have to start charging you for the show.ā€Ā 
With sudden blind confidence, Y/n asked, ā€œLet me take you out on a date in return.ā€ Wanda almost missed the vein at Y/nā€™s sudden question. She had an inkling that the girl liked her but never expected her to actually pursue her thoughts.Ā 
ā€œYou didnā€™t even need it.ā€ Y/n looked down and saw that Wanda had poked her without realizing it.Ā 
ā€œDoes that mean you wonā€™t go?ā€ Wanda looked at the time on the clock and smiled at Y/n.Ā 
ā€œIt actually means you have three hours till my shift is up.ā€ Wanda patted Y/nā€™s arm, reminding her to squeeze the ball in her hand. ā€œSo pick me up then. How should I dress?ā€
ā€œSomething casual. I hadnā€™t really planned out what I was going to do after you said yes.ā€ Wanda blushed at the idea of Y/n practicing this moment.Ā 
ā€œHow about this? You and I walk around New York. I donā€™t think the guys have given you much of a good tour. So Iā€™ll tell you all about the new New York and you tell me about the old New York.ā€Ā 
ā€œYou have a deal.ā€Ā 
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Wanda and Y/n were in the back seat of an uber. The small date was something Y/n never wanted to end but the lack of energy made it hard to keep up. So when Y/n asked if it could be an early night, she was relieved that Wanda wasnā€™t mad at her.Ā 
Right now, the uber was at a stoplight and the two hardly spoke as their shoulders touched.Ā 
ā€œCan I hold your hand?ā€ Y/n whispered as she lightly placed her hand above Wandaā€™s. The small smile was hard to miss on Wandaā€™s face. She could feel Y/nā€™s internal battle to ask her that. She leaned into Y/nā€™s ear and whispered, ā€œYou donā€™t even have to ask,ā€ and pressed a small kiss on Y/nā€™s cheek as they interlaced hands.Ā 
A small blushed and a wide grin appeared on Y/nā€™s face. ā€œI hope you had fun today.ā€ Looking away, Y/n yawned into her hand.. ā€œYou tired dekta?ā€Ā 
Looking back at her, Y/n tilted her head in confusion. ā€œDekta? What does that mean?ā€ Wanda blushed more. She hadnā€™t meant to call Y/n that, but it left her lips so easily. Like it was second nature.Ā 
ā€œIā€™ll tell you later,ā€ Wanda placed her left hand on Y/nā€™s bicep and gave it a small squeeze, ā€œArenā€™t you supposed to be a super soldier? It's barely past 10 pm and youā€™re already tired.ā€ Y/n scratched the back of her neck, slightly embarrassed at how tired she was. But all Wanda could focus on was the feeling of Y/nā€™s muscles as she gave one more squeeze.Ā 
Y/n yawned again, unable to fight the sleep that took over her body. ā€œItā€™s what happens when you donate blood every day to try and see a pretty girl.ā€ They hadnā€™t even kissed but Wanda couldā€™ve sworn she was in love. The dopey smile on Y/nā€™s face would make any girlā€™s heart melt. The red head mentally thanked that it was her that Y/n was looking at and nobody else.Ā 
ā€œYou did that for me?ā€ Y/n could think of many things she would do for Wanda, rescue a billion people, punch a hole in the moon, even kidnap someone. Regardless of how unrealistic it was, Wanda Maximoff was worth changing the tides on Earth. So how could someone so wonderful could ever question that someone would do something for her attention?Ā 
ā€œI wanted to see you again.ā€ Y/n bit her inner cheek, trying her best to stay calm but all she could think about was how soft Wandaā€™s lips looked.Ā 
The red head hadnā€™t meant to hear that thought, but she was glad she did. She bit her lip wishing that Y/n would just kiss her already. But something about the way they stared into each other's eyes was already enough for her to feel alive. And for someone so sober, her body grew drunk at the touch of Y/n.Ā 
ā€œSo you donated blood to see me?ā€ It was still all unbelievable to Wanda but Y/n would tell her a million times until she believed it.
Their eyes interlocked causing Wandaā€™s breathing to hitch. She swore she could look into those brown eyes forever. ā€œ18 pints and counting.ā€ Y/n couldnā€™t hold back her grin as Wanda looked away, unable to hold back her wide smile.Ā 
Y/n gave a gentle squeeze in their interlaced hands as Wanda turned back to face Y/n. ā€œYouā€™re gonna get yourself sick if you keep donating.ā€ Wanting to focus on something else, Y/n caressed Wandaā€™s cheek as she tucked a loose strand back.Ā 
Not wanting her touch to go away, Wanda placed her hand above Y/nā€™s. So many thoughts ran through both of their heads. Wanda could feel the weight inside Y/nā€™s mind but didnā€™t dare to peak.Ā 
ā€œTell me what youā€™re thinkingā€¦ā€Ā 
ā€œ...I think youā€™re really pretty,ā€ Y/n admitted in secret.Ā 
ā€œWhat else?ā€ Y/n rubbed her thumb gently across Wandaā€™s cheek.Ā 
ā€œI think I want to take you out on a second date.ā€
ā€œOh yeah?ā€
ā€œAnd Iā€¦I think I want to kiss you.ā€ Wanda swallowed all the nerves in her chest.
ā€œ...Iā€™d really like thatā€¦ā€ And as brown eyes looked at greens eyes one more time, Y/n slowly leaned in and kissed Wanda. There was no rush with each kiss, something Wanda never experienced before. All she could remember was the sloppy kisses and fast make outs. But something about kissing Y/n slowly drove heart mad because how dare she live this long without being kissed like this.Ā 
And as they kissed, their hands never broke apart, instead, they gave gentle squeezes with every kiss. And when slowly pulled apart, Wanda knew then she was love sick.Ā 
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Bonus
ā€œLet me get this straight,ā€ Bucky rubbed his forehead, feeling the headache coming forth, ā€œY/n passed out from kissing you?ā€Ā 
ā€œWell, the kissing didnā€™t help but she also donated 18 pints of blood in the last three weeks.ā€ Wanda looked at Y/nā€™s sleeping figure. Her head rested comfortably on Wandaā€™s lap.Ā 
Bucky sighed. ā€œOkay, Iā€™ll meet you at her place.ā€Ā 
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mlyscha Ā· 6 days ago
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ā†³ DO YOU FEEL... BONITA? ā­‘
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š“¼ynopsis. in which you replace their chap-stick for a red lipstick. the question is: do they feel bonita? š“¹airing. enha!member x female!reader. š“°enre. fluff, crack, kind of suggestive at jay's part, trendy. š”€arnings. curse words, mention of having a period, mentions of food, riki's kind of mean? , not proofread, english is not my 1st language. š”€š“¬. 2k+ š“¶asterlist.
ā™” š“Ŗmelie's š“·ote: this scenario ended up being super basic, i feel bad for you guys (ą¹‘-ļ¹-ą¹‘) i haven't been really active, so i wanted to post something decent, but... i don't know, you guys tell me if this one wasn't the greatest lol also, i wanted to share a new word i learned a few days ago: therefore! now you might even see this word being casually used on my writings ><
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ā€• š“±eeseung: suspects... a lot.
"babe, are you leaving already?" you pouted, watching him picking up his wallet and checking his phone; expecting a text from enha's group-chat. "yeah, i'm actually running late," he chuckled. "they arrived?! 'kay, a kiss for you miss, before i'm gone." he kisses your lips and heeseung notices your nose scrunched. "what?" seeing him frown, you decide it was the perfect chance for you to hand him your special chap-stick. "your lips are kind of crusty, here," you notice an even more confused face expression coming from him. "what do you mean... crusty?" "just apply it! it'll surely make it better!" you explain, making him sigh and finally apply the red lipstick all over his lips - making him look like a clown. "okay, can i go now, princess?" you nod and he smiles, giving you a small peck before finally leaving.
an hour later you heard the door being snapped open, and that's when you knew: heeseung learned about the lipstick. "y/n! why would you do this?!" a sudden shout echoed through the walls of your shared home. "heeseung? baby?" you appeared, coming out of the kitchen with a mischievous grin. "what happened?" you asked, holding a innocent voice. "what have you done to my lips, y/n?!" his face expression was a mix of embarrassment and worry. "what do you mean? you look-" you letĀ out a stifled laugh. "fine! you look fine!" "baby, no way this" he points to his red stained lips. "looks fine! the boys started to laugh at me and i didn't know why! even riki made fun of me!" your boyfriend whined with embarrassment. "now i know why the waiter started to look at me with a funny face..." "i still think you look handsome with your red lips." "IT'S RED LIPSTICK?!"
long story short: heeseung couldn't trust when you gave him a chap-stick EVER. he always makes sure to check the colour of it and even learned a trick to double check it: by pulling you for a kiss. and what can i say... you may have been caught a few many times.
ā€• š“³ongseong: couldn't care less.
you were brave enough to make your boyfriend apply chap-stick while going out on a date night with him. in the car you told him his lips were looking kind of dry, and knowing where and how this night could turn out, he immediately took the chap-stick you handed him, applying all over his lips ā€• with abundance, highlighting even more the red lipstick you purposely replaced. arriving at the front, jongseong handed the valet parking his car keys, entering the restaurant with you. when both of you walked into the place, the waitress who works at the front door couldn't stop staring at your boyfriend; and you swear that if he wasn't wearing such an scandalous colour of lipstick you would assume she was flirting with jongseong.
anyway, after some good wine and a delicious meal course, you were sat beside jongseong, half of your back was falling to his side ā€• close to his chest. meanwhile, his arm was hugging your shoulder while holding your right hand, a romantic and intimate position to stay. your boyfriend would place kisses onto your forehead. during this whole intimate moment, you decided to make him apply more lipstick since it was fading. however, after a few minutes, you realised he won't notice it, so you took matters to your own hands, pulling your phone from your purse and asking for a picture. agreeing, you opened the camera app, revealing his subtle red lips.
"what is this on my lips?" he gently touched his lips. "what do you mean?" you turned your head to look at him, pretending to be curious. "sweetheart, what have you done?" jongseong asks you with a small grin, dropping his head to the side, shooting you heart eyes. you chuckle, amused. "i didn't do anything," you shrug. "you may have kissed the waitress, she is wearing red lipstick." he laughs out loud, leading to a few confused sights laying on both of you. "this red lipstick might stain your lips soon..." he whispers against your lips. "i can't take you seriously right now!" you giggle and he smirks, amused.
ā€• š“³aeyun: "your daddy feels bonita, layla"
jaeyun enjoys going out for a walk with his daughter: layla. and usually, both of you go out together, and this time couldn't be different. however, the only difference this time was your boyfriend's red stained lips. you told him, while walking, that you've been using this new chap-stick and commenting on how much your lips have looked and felt more hydrated ā€• even jaeyun agreed. therefore, you pulled the famous chap-stick out of your jean's pocket and handed him, making him a bit startle from the way you casually pulled it out of your pocket right after finishing talking about it. you noticed he pondered a bit before applying it all over his lips. you smiled while he was doing so, finding this situation amusingly cute. he smacked his lips together, commenting after a surprised hum: "it's actually good, i can already feel my lips hydrated!"
layla began to feel tired, so did you and jaeyun, so, spotting a bench nearby, you sat beside your boyfriend while layla sat on the floor. and if this couldn't get better, your little family stopped at a crowded park, so as people passed by, jaeyun couldn't be ignored. "babe, why's there so many people staring at me? even girls! don't they see i am taken?!" he complained while pouting, hugging your arm. "right baby?- why are you laughing?" he frowned, even more confused when he saw you taking a sneaky picture of him. suddenly, a kid shouts: "look, mum! a clown!" the mum stares at you, at your daughter and then at your boyfriend, and she were clearly holding herself and not burst out of laughter. layla begins to woof at the kid, and you say: "calm down, baby, your daddy feels bonita, layla." "what does this even means-"
minutes later he discovered what that meant. ą“¦ąµą“¦ą“æ(Ėµ ā€¢Ģ€ į“— - Ėµ )
ā€• š“¼unghoon: he has a convenience store phobia now.
you were craving something sweet in the middle of the night since your period has started, so you asked you gently asked your boyfriend to go to the convenience store for you and buy you a sweet treat. sunghoon, feeling a bit upset, agreed, since he felt afraid you wouldn't be able to feel better soon. with that, he covered himself with warm coats as you told him so. however, before he left you told your boyfriend to apply some chap-stick ā€• telling him the cold weather could break his lips. he simply nodded, asking you to apply it for him and you did it perfectly ā€• since he were sweet for going to the convenience store for you under the cold weather and at night. you stole a kiss from him before he was gone, trying your best to quickly turn your face away from him because your lips might have been stained by the colour of his.
"i am never coming back to that convenience store ever again." "oh, hey, baby," "y/n, why does my lips look red?!" sunghoon questioned with terror. "what do you mean?" you dropped your head to the side, faking a confused feeling. "y/n, the cashier was looking at me funny and even an old lady was staring at me like i was crazy!" your boyfriend explained, holding two plastic bags full of your sweet treats. "and then, i could not notice them staring at me, so the moment i stepped out of that place i pulled my phone and checked myself and i saw this... i mean, there were many reasons why they could be staring at me, and usually is because i am handsome, not this!" he points to his face entirely. you giggled as you felt his desperation. "you are so cute, i love you, even with your red lipstick." you kiss him on the cheek. "i am killing myself." he says with the most serious face ever, plopping on the sofa. "well... more chocolates for me." you shrug.
ā€• š“¼unoo: silly lovers hehe.
you watched this trend of replacing chap-stick for lipstick go viral everywhere, so you decided to try it out with your boyfriend. so, when both of you were sat on the sofa, you asked him for a kiss, and when he gave you one, you scrunched your nose and commented: "your lips are dry, let me get you a chap-stick!" he frowned, knowing that his lip care routine is amazing. but anyway, he couldn't reply it to you since you were already gone picking up that chap-stick. you came back holding it in your hand and sitting back on the sofa. "okay, mind if i apply it?" you asked him that because the lipstick's stick is bright red and it was way too obvious. also! you knew about sunoo's lip care routine and knew he was already suspecting something. "okay, go ahead..."
after you applied it, you quickly closed the chap-stick's cap, however, sunoo saw the bright red colour peaking out for a few seconds, frowning before bursting out of laughter. "what was that?!" he asked between cute giggles and a big cheeky grin. "what?" you tried to hold a smile from spreading across your face, but a small giggle came out of you. "why was the chap-stick red?" "i-it's because it is cherry flavoured, dummy!" you explained, but sunoo side eyed you, not believing in it. therefore, he rubs his index finger over his bottom lip and confirms: it was indeed red lipstick. "y/n!" he amusingly screams your name, making you run across the whole living room, before he caught you and forces you to apply it too. sunoo might even take a picture of both of you just sharing his funny moment >_<.
ā€• š“³ungwon: finds out alone because his qi is 200+
it was saturday and usually, when jungwon has some free time, he enjoys going out with you and spoil you ā€• since he could spend time with you, gifting you things and making you happy. however, you wanted to play with your boyfriend before leaving, so, you handed him your special chap-stick and told him that it was a brand you really liked ā€• and he made sure to note that. jungwon applied it innocently, not waiting for anything special. smacking his lips together, he held your hand and took his car keys, driving you to the mall. entering the air-conditioned surroundings, you told your boyfriend you wanted to go get some ice cream before visiting the stores ā€• just to see how the cashier would react; and their reaction couldn't be more accurate: discreet giggles and a smirk were noticeable.
"babe, why was that guy laughing at us? do i have something on my face?" poor baby, you wanted to tell him YES! straight ahead, but you knew this was way too good to give up. so you just shook your head, leaving the kitten with a question mark sat on his head. while walking past the mall stores, you remembered you were running out of skin care products. therefore, you went to sephora to buy them. but, during your search, jungwon was looking around the store when he came across an isle with lipsticks displayed. he frowned when the same chap-stick packaging he saw earlier was saying it was a red lipstick. suddenly, he felt someone nudging him, so he turned to see he was it. "looking at our red lipstick collections?" a lady who looked like she worked there asked, and jungwon's frown just deepened. "um... red?" "yes! looks like you are wearing it on your lips at the moment, isn't it great?"
"babe, do you think i should get this vanilla one or this- ... oh, you found out... heh..." "y/n!"
ā€• š“»iki: when they go low, i go lower.
since riki was messing up with you regularly, you decided to have your sweet revenge by making him wear a beautiful red lipstick! so you replaced the chap-stick for a lipstick and before he went to practice, you told him it was cold outside and his lips might dry a little bit faster. even though you were the one applying it, riki was insisting it was fine before giving in and letting you do whatever. you made sure to make it pretty much uneven and smudged to mess up with him even more. you gave his cheek a little kiss before waving him goodbye. the last thing you know was that your boyfriend arrived home pissed off, saying that the boys were making fun of him during practice. and you might wonder: how he didn't notice since a practice room has a literal mirror wall?! because, you know how much riki likes his hoodies? so, his hoodie's hood was covering his face almost completely! however, he noticed a few minutes into practice after one of the members point out and he finally realises.
after that day, riki's mind have been trying to come out with a worse prank for weeks. he knew that you were going to hang out with your friends the next day, so he decided to, after you were fast asleep, he would sneakily draw and write ridiculous things on your face and somehow try to convince you that he could do your make-up. surprisingly, you woke up the next day in a good mood and already forgetting about that prank you did with your boyfriend, you accepted it ā€• and of course he pretended to do it. when you left to hang out with your friends, not even five minutes passed by and you were already texting riki, saying that you were going to kill him ā€• and even sending a picture of your face, texting a hundred question marks.
riki were only forgiven because he got your favourite food that day, otherwise... ( Ķ”Ā° ĶœŹ– Ķ”Ā°)
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Ā© š“Ŗš¦šžš„š¢š“®, š—ŗš—¹š˜†š˜€š—°š—µš—® š—Œš“½š“¾š–½š—‚š—ˆš“¼. ā‹†
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lvnleah Ā· 6 months ago
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Endo Struggles | AWFC x teen!reader
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Based on this request :)
Summary: After struggling with your periods for a while, your teammates Leah helps you fight for a diagnosis. Eventually, you have surgery and your teammates Leah, Beth and Viv support you.
Warnings: mentions of hospitals, sick, surgery and pain.
Notes: Iā€™ve started my own tag which can be found the end of the fic, make sure to follow it so you can see everything I post and my anon asks! :)
Word count is 3k, this is turning into a mini series :)
ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”ā”
You woke up feeling off, a dull ache rested in your lower abdomen. Last night youā€™d gotten your period, it was the first in a few months, and because you had no cramps leading up to it you thought youā€™d gotten off.
Your period was always something youā€™d struggled from ever since youā€™d gotten your first when you were eleven. Theyā€™d always been painful and irregular but your parents had always blown you off as dramatic and that it was a part of womanhood.
So far it hasn't affected your career at Arsenal due to them being irregular. Youā€™d just turned eighteen when Arsenal offered you your first professional contract. Now, six months later, you were living with Beth and Viv.
The pair had taken you in and made their spare room your own. Your parents lived two hours away from the training ground and with you not driving and them working, you had no way of getting to training.
Despite not knowing you long, Beth and Viv offered for you to move in with them into their flat which you gladly took up. Since then the couple had basically become your parents, most of the time they were more caring and loving than your own.
You laid in bed for a moment, clutching your stomach, before slowly climbing out of bed. Beth and Viv were already in the kitchen, preparing breakfast like usual before you headed to training.
ā€œYou okay, Y/N?ā€ Beth asked, raising her eyebrows curiously. ā€œYou look in painā€¦ā€
Beth and Viv exchanged a concerned glance as you sat down at the kitchen island, still clutching your stomach in pain.
You nodded, your lips closed tight, ā€œMhmā€¦just super bad period cramp.ā€
ā€œAre you alright to go to training?ā€ Viv questioned her concern just as bad as Bethā€™s ā€œitā€™s okay to have a day off you know.ā€
ā€œIā€™ll be okay,ā€ you nodded your head once again as Beth passed you a bowl of cereal, ā€œI just need to take some pain relief and then Iā€™ll be okay.ā€
The painkillers kicked in, dulling the ache in your abdomen for a while. After breakfast, you travelled to training with Beth and Viv. You had a quick team meeting before heading out to the pitch.
While the team went out to the pitch, you stayed behind to tie your boot laces up. Suddenly, a pain shot through your body, and you collapsed. Cramps twisted your insides, you fell to the ground and curled up into a ball. With your knees to your chest, the pain subsided a tiny bit, and tears started to blur your vision.
Minutes later, Kim and Leah came back into the changing room to grab something but concern etched their faces as they knelt beside you.
ā€œWhat's wrong?" Kim asked, her voice urgent. ā€œWhatā€™s happened, Y/N?ā€
"Just...period pains," You gasped, trying to downplay it. ā€œIā€™ll be okay inā€¦a bit.ā€
The changing room floor was cold against your cheek, and you clung to your knees like a lifeline. Kim and Leah hovered over you, their expressions a mix of worry and confusion.
ā€œY/N,ā€ Leah said softly, brushing a strand of hair from your forehead. ā€œThis isnā€™t normal. You shouldnā€™t be in this much pain.ā€
You tried to sit up, but the cramps tightened their grip. ā€œItā€™sā€¦itā€™s just my period. It happens.ā€
Kim exchanged a glance with Leah, her eyebrows furrowed. ā€œY/N how long have your periods been like this?ā€
Tears welled up in your eyes. ā€œSince I was eleven. My parents always said it was part of being a woman.ā€
Leah rolled her eyes. ā€œYour parents were wrong. This level of pain isnā€™t normal. You need to see a doctor.ā€
ā€œBut trainingā€”ā€ you protested weakly.
Beth and Viv appeared in the doorway, concerned just as much as Leah and Kim. ā€œWhatā€™s going on?ā€ Beth asked, kneeling beside you.
ā€œItā€™s Y/Nā€™s period,ā€ Kim explained. ā€œSheā€™s in agony and her parents have never taken her to the doctors over it.ā€
Vivā€™s expression softened. ā€œYou donā€™t have to suffer like this. Weā€™ll take you to the doctor.ā€
You wanted to protest, to insist that you could tough it out. But the pain was relentless, and you were tired of pretending it was okay. Maybe it was time to seek help.
"These aren't normal," Leah said firmly. "We need a medic."
You groaned in pain, ā€œIā€™ll be fineā€¦itā€™ll end soon.ā€
The team medic arrived, assessing your pain and sending you home. Beth and Viv helped you hobble to their car. The journey was a blur of agony, and you collapsed into bed, grateful for the strong pain relief they'd given you. Sleep claimed you, but it didn't last long.
Before you knew it, your sleep was interrupted and the sharp pain was overtaking your body again. Your room was dimly lit, just a small bit of light peaked through the curtains.
A knock sounded at your door before it pushed open, a tiny bit of light peeked in and Leah stepped through the door.
ā€œHey kid,ā€ she whispered, sitting on the edge of your bed, ā€œhow are you feeling?ā€
ā€œSo..so much pain,ā€ you scrunched your face up, tears threatening to spill once again.
ā€œY/N have you ever looked into these period pains?ā€ Leah asked. You shook your head, all of your concerns had always been ignored, ā€œDo you think it could be endometriosis?ā€
You knew Leah had struggled with endometriosis, sheā€™d always been open about it, but being eighteen years old you had no clue what it truly was.
You shrugged, ā€œI donā€™t really know what endometriosis is, Le.ā€
Leah sighed, ā€œWell I have stage two, thereā€™s four different stages, so mine is bad but not bad bad. My symptoms started at thirteen, the pain used to be my enemy.ā€ Leah joked.
ā€œI used to roll around in pain, kid,ā€ She said, brushing fallen hair away from your face, ā€œI ended up in A&E so many times, for ages it was just blown off as stress and me being dramatic but after a while endo was brought up. A few years later, and my mum arguing with many different doctors, I was finally diagnosed.ā€
ā€œDo you think I have it?ā€ you asked, ā€œThe pain is so bad.ā€
ā€œIā€™m not saying you do,ā€ Leah shrugged, ā€œbut itā€™s worth looking into.ā€
You nodded your head, still clutching your stomach in pain before nausea overtook you, ā€œIā€™m going to be sick.ā€
ā€œOkay okay,ā€ Leah said, gently helping you up, ā€œItā€™s okay, cā€™mon letā€™s get you to the bathroom.ā€
The room spun, and you barely made it to the bathroom before your stomach rebelled. The pain had escalated from a dull ache to a full-blown assault on your insides. You clung to the toilet bowl, heaving, tears streaming down your face.
Leah was there, her hand on your back, soothing circles. ā€œEasy,ā€ she murmured. ā€œLet it out. Iā€™m here.ā€
You couldnā€™t respond, couldnā€™t even form thoughts. The nausea subsided, leaving you weak and trembling. Leah helped you rinse your mouth, then guided you back to your bed. She tucked the blankets around you, her touch gentle.
ā€œYouā€™re going to be okay,ā€ she whispered. ā€œWeā€™ll figure this out, Y/N.ā€
You nodded, grateful for her presence. The room felt less lonely with Leah sitting beside you. She didnā€™t shy away from the messiness, the vomit, the pain. Instead, she held your hand, her eyes filled with empathy.
ā€œLeah,ā€ you croaked, ā€œthank you.ā€
She smiled, brushing hair from your forehead. ā€œNo need to thank me, kid. Youā€™re going to be okay.ā€
You closed your eyes, exhaustion pulling you under as sleep claimed you once more. The next day, Leah took you to the doctors. At first they were dismissive, putting it down to being stressed and just a teenager.
Leah fought hard, she argued with the doctor and demanded they do a laparoscopy to see if you had any endometriosis growing around your womb, ovaries and pelvis.
They tried you with different medications and birth controls but none of them did anything. Your periods and pain remained the same. The doctors did multiple ultrasounds and none of them showed any signs of endometriosis.
Finally, after some back and forth trips to the doctor, she finally gave in and added you to the long waiting list of other women who were waiting for surgery as well.
Days blurred into weeks and weeks blurred into months as you waited for surgery. You continued to be in pain with your periods, even when you were ovulating you were in excruciating pain. Your pain had been affecting your football career and it was ruling your life.
Finally, your surgery date rolled around after four months of waiting. Beth and Viv were taking you, Leah had promised to be there once you woke up. As for your parents, they told you you'd be fine and didnā€™t need them there.
ā€œYou ready, kid?ā€ Beth asked, as you pulled up outside the hospital.
You nodded, swallowing a lump in your throat, ā€œI guess,ā€ you shrugged, ā€œIā€™m just nervous.ā€
Viv turned around in the driver's seat so she could face you as you were sat in the back, ā€œThereā€™s nothing to worry about, youā€™re going to be just fine.ā€
ā€œWeā€™re right beside you,ā€ Beth reassured you, ā€œand Leah will be there when you wake up, sheā€™s promised that she will be.ā€
You nodded and before you knew it, you were in your own private room, waiting to be called in as you sat in the bed with Beth and Viv beside you. Youā€™d been nil by mouth since last night, you couldnā€™t eat or drink meaning that you were absolutely starving.
ā€œIā€™m so hungry!ā€ You whined, tilting your head back, ā€œthis is so cruel, theyā€™re starving me!ā€
Beth and Viv both chuckled at your whining, ā€œyou canā€™t eat before surgery, kid.ā€ Viv said, ā€œremember me and Beth were the same before our acl surgeries?ā€
ā€œDonā€™t worry,ā€ Beth smiled, ā€œthe food after when you wake up will be amazing. Weā€™ll get you whatever you like.
You waited around for at least an hour and during that hour you saw different people. It started off with the anaesthetist coming in to see you. She was a nice lady, she explained the whole process to you and how theyā€™d put you to sleep but it was far too much to take in all at once.
They gave you the option of either anaesthetic through the cannula or through the mask. You opted for the mask, hoping itā€™d make you less anxious.
Then, your surgeon came in. She ran through the procedure and told you what would happen. She explained that theyā€™d look for endometriosis and if any was found then theyā€™d remove it there and then.
Finally, they did your final basic checks. They weighed you, took your height and blood pressure as well as asking you a range of different questions. After all of that, you had to wait around for another hour and then it was finally time to go down.
ā€œDonā€™t be scared,ā€ Beth whispered to you as she pulled you into a hug, ā€œyouā€™re going to be fine, I promise. Weā€™ll be here when you wake up with Leah.ā€
You nodded, letting go of Beth before Viv pulled you into a hug, ā€œIā€™m so proud of you, kid. Weā€™re going to be right here waiting.ā€
ā€œI love you both,ā€ you whispered, ā€œthank you for being here.ā€
ā€œLove you too,ā€ Beth smiled before they rolled you away on the bed.
You entered the operating theatre and there were many people around. There were multiple nurses as well as the surgeon and doctor youā€™d met earlier on. The nurses helped transfer your onto the operating table before the anaesthetist quickly went over things again.
ā€œOkay Y/N, just count down from ten for me,ā€ she said, placing the mask on your face. You began to count down, your eyelids became heavy and you soon drifted off into what felt like a sleep.
Two hours into your surgery, Leah arrived at the hospital. She made her way upstairs to the room where Beth and Viv were waiting for you.
ā€œStill no Y/N?ā€ Leah asked as she entered the room, a little gift bag in her head.
Beth shook her head in response, ā€œNope, they said surgery could be anywhere from an hour to six hours.ā€
ā€œYeah, mine was two hours long,ā€ Leah nodded, ā€œHopefully sheā€™s out soon, how was she when she went down?ā€
ā€œAnxious and scared,ā€ Viv explained, ā€œwhatā€™s in the bag?ā€
ā€œJust some of Y/Nā€™s favourite things,ā€ Leah said, ā€œMy mum put one together for me when I had my first endo surgery so I thought itā€™d be nice for her to have one.ā€
Eventually, you were rolled back into the room. You were still fast asleep, your braids that Beth had done now slightly falling out.
ā€œHow was the surgery?ā€ Leah was the first to ask, concern written all over her face.
ā€œIt went well,ā€ the nurse nodded, ā€œshe has four incisions but the doctor will be round to give the rundown and results when Y/N is awake.ā€
Thirty minutes later, you finally woke up. Your eyelids fluttered open, and for a moment, you werenā€™t sure where you were. The harsh white hospital lights hurt your eyes as you peeled them open, you covered your eyes with the palm of your hand as you let out a groan.
The pain came next. A dull ache that radiated from your abdomen. It was a familiar pain, one youā€™d felt before during endometriosis flares. But this time, it was post-surgery pain, and it carried with it a sense of relief.
You tried to move, but your body protested. Wires connected you to machines, monitoring your vital signs. The room seemed to tilt, and you closed your eyes, willing the dizziness away.
You tilted your head and Beth and Vivā€™s faces appeared, Leah soon walked round and joined them.
ā€œHey kid,ā€ Beth smiled, her voice gentle. ā€œYouā€™re awake.ā€
Viv squeezed your hand. ā€œHow are you feeling?ā€
You tried to speak, but your throat was dry. Leah grabbed the cup of water that the nurse had left and lifted the straw to your mouth. You took gentle sips of water, washing away the metallic taste and dryness.
ā€œI feel amazinggg,ā€ you sang happily, still a little high from the anaesthesia. ā€œWhere am I?ā€
Beth, Viv and Leah bursted out into laughter, ā€œThat good, kid.ā€ Viv nodded. ā€œYouā€™re in the hospital, remember?ā€
ā€œOh yeahh! Leahhhh,ā€ you whined, sticking out your tongue. ā€œMy tongue hurts, Is it still there?ā€
Leah nodded. ā€œYour tongue is intact, kid. They didnā€™t go anywhere near it.ā€
ā€œPhew,ā€ you sighed dramatically. ā€œGood to know. Now, whereā€™s Myle?ā€
Beth chuckled. ā€œSheā€™s at home, darling. Youā€™ll see her later.ā€
Your lower lip jutted out in a pout. ā€œI miss Myle so much! That surgeon better not have taken her.ā€
Viv squeezed your hand again. ā€œHey, hey, itā€™s okay! Myle is safe at home. Youā€™ll be reunited soon.ā€
ā€œOkay,ā€ you mumbled, closing your eyes. ā€œI love Myle. Sheā€™s cute.ā€
As the anaesthetic wore off, you drifted in and out of sleep. The pain in your abdomen dulled, thanks to the nursesā€™ timely administration of pain relief. You felt a little more like yourself when the doctor finally entered the room.
ā€œHey, Y/N,ā€ she greeted, her smile warm. ā€œIs it okay if I discuss your results? Are your friends comfortable staying?ā€
You nodded, grateful for their presence. ā€œYes, please. Theyā€™re staying.ā€
The doctor pulled up a chair. ā€œYour surgery was quite extensive,ā€ she began. ā€œWe delved deep and found stage three endometriosis. It was growing around your ovaries and pelvis. The pelvic endometriosis explains your back pain, and the ovarian involvement is likely why ovulation has been excruciating for you.ā€
ā€œBut you removed most of it?ā€ you asked, your voice shaky.
ā€œYes,ā€ she reassured you. ā€œWe removed as much as we could. Thereā€™s a tiny bit left, but it shouldnā€™t cause as much pain.ā€
The room blurred over as tears welled in your eyes, ā€œWill this affect my future?ā€
The doctor sighed, ā€œI canā€™t say anything for sure but when the time comes and if you want to have kids you may have some issues conceiving naturally. Iā€™ll leave you to rest up, you should be home before the evening is out.ā€
You nodded your head and tears began to slip down your cheeks. Leah climbed onto the bed and sat next to you, she pulled you into a tight hug. Leahā€™s hug was warm, comforting. She knew how to be there for you without saying a word.
ā€œYouā€™re going to be fine, kid.ā€ Beth tried her best to reassure you.
Viv nodded, ā€œYeah, youā€™ve got everyone supporting you. At least you can start on getting the pain sorted now.ā€
ā€œDo you want a goody bag?ā€ Leah asked, ā€œI put you one together!ā€
You laughed through your tears and nodded your head. Leah handed you a small bag and you opened it up. Inside was a range of different things that you loved. There was your favourite chocolate, some hair ties, fluffy socks, soft pyjamas, chocolate cookies, lip balm and a little stuffed highland cow teddy.
ā€œYou guys are amazing.ā€ You smiled, brushing the fluffy highland cow with your hand, ā€œThank you for today, Iā€™d have been alone without you.ā€
ā€œYouā€™ll always have us, kid,ā€ Viv smiled, ā€œWeā€™re not going anywhere.ā€
The days that followed blurred together, a mix of pain medication and soft blankets. You laid in your bed at Viv and Bethā€™s house, movies played on your telly as Viv, Beth and Leah took it in turns to sit with you.
You had one brief phone call with your parents, one that hurt a lot. You explained what the surgery had resulted in on the phone, you expected at least a tiny bit of sympathy but your parents had none to give. You cried over it, a lot, but as promised Viv, Beth and Leah were right beside you. The three of them made you feel more loved than your parents had ever made you feel.
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bambiimutt Ā· 1 year ago
Note
Hello, I loved your writing, and I wanted to request some relationship headcons with Masky
Relationship Head cannons
I wanted to do this for everyone I write for cuz I want them to get some attention too!! I hope thatā€™s okay!
TW!! Mentions of stalking, talking of perverts but not super heavy, possessiveness, if I missed anyway let me know!!
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Masky/Tim Wright
-Honestly at first heā€™s a bit awkward, i see him as socially awkward in general so him being in a relationship? Oh my fuck. And itā€™s not the Awh such a cutie patootie heā€™s so awkward. No like heā€™s so awkward he doesnā€™t know what to do with you. Heā€™s so awkward he goes silent. Awkward babe.
-once the relationship grows into something deeper heā€™s better. He definitely still has his moments, but itā€™s now more how he landed you. How he was able to find someone that cares for him and puts up with him. Heā€™s not much honestly just his random outbursts and waking up with no memory of his nights before.
-speaking of. A lot of trauma lays on his shoulders. After jays death who you donā€™t know much about and everything leading up to the events of marble hornets. All you knew was that he was supposed to be in this student film.. but shit happened. And he refuses to talk about it. Youā€™ll ask him sometimes if you can watch the tapes but he tells you time and time again. No. More because he knows what he is and he doesnā€™t what you running from him. Heā€™s with you yea but he doesnā€™t want to expose you to the operator.
-as mentioned in a few of my other posts. Heā€™ll leave for weeks on end and if itā€™s not for weeks its almost every night. Heā€™s leaving and coming back at ungodly hours. Most of the time youā€™re asleep and he waits till your asleep to do this. Thereā€™s been a few times his mask is left out because he comes home so drained that he kinda forgets to hide it.. and when you question it sometimes he does remember, and most times he doesnā€™t. But when you ask heā€™s stammering. He knows why he has it but doesnā€™t know how to tell you, doesnā€™t want to.
-heā€™s not the date night kind of guy but he doesnā€™t mind spending some time with you from time to time. He doesnā€™t want you to think heā€™s ignoring you or just not care for you because he leaves for weeks.. he wants you to know he loves having you around. Itā€™s just. He canā€™t tell you about his life fully. When it comes to a date night itā€™s probably lots of time at home, watching a movie on his couch, cuddled up against him. If you fall asleep heā€™ll make sure you have all of the blanket. He can fully not be as tense, relaxing into you as you sleep against him.
-very very very sarcastic, it earns him smacks to the arm like 10 times a day.
-heā€™s alright with public affection but again heā€™s awkward.. sooo maybe donā€™t be so affectionate in public. But at home, heā€™s all over you, sleepy man, cuddled up to you, following you around the house. He seems so big and tough but he hates being away from you.
-Timā€™s not crazily over protective. Maybe insecure at times but deep down he knows that you are with him because you truly love him. So if anyone ever approaches you he trusts that you can handle it yourself, if not he will 100% help you.. by torturing the guy the same night, and heā€™ll come back having that be his only memory.
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Tobias Rogers
-ARF ARF ARF BITCH IS A FUCKING DOG. Iā€™m telling you that mother fucker IS ALL OVER YOU. Now Iā€™m not saying he isnā€™t one scary mother fucker. But he tries to keep his shitty ass fucking life out of his love life. Because really.. this isnā€™t what he wanted ever. He didnā€™t want to be part of this operator shit. So he tries to be normal? As normal as Toby can get.
-you actually help him a lot with his tics. If he can focus on something for long enough they donā€™t get as bad as they can get, they actually become more tame, so if he ever has a really bad tic attack, youā€™re always the one to talk him through it, to calm him down and to focus on your voice. And heā€™s better in no time.
-TALK ABOUT BEING A PRETTY MOTHER FUCKER.. YOU NEVER GET OVER HOW PRETTY THIS BITCH IS. messy brown hair, brown tired eyes, nicely shaped face, pretty fucking smile. He never used to have one but he ended up growing a semi beard. More of a patch on his chin. And what does he love the most? Hearing you tell him how pretty he is. Running your hands through his hair, kissing his face all over. God he could eat you right up.
-heā€™s a closeted pervert. But like not to the point where itā€™s unbearable but like heā€™s all over you. Heā€™s grabbing your thighs.. heā€™s leaving hickeys all over. Heā€™s a boob/chest guy. He just wants you close. So close you could fuse into one. He likes you in panties.. he also likes taking them whenever he has to be on a mission for weeks.. and we all know what heā€™s using them for.
-socially awkward mf. When youā€™re both out in public heā€™s so quiet. And he canā€™t do it alone anymore, not since heā€™s met you. If youā€™re ever on the bus, heā€™s as close as possible, hands fidgeting with your fingers, and staring down at them so he doesnā€™t have to make eye contact with others. Though thereā€™s been a few times heā€™s had to interact with the people who complain about how much space he takes. Heā€™s tall and lanky but the man manspreads like thereā€™s no tomorrow. You have to grab his leg and pull it in because heā€™s just glaring.
-he kinda forgets that you can feel pain. Because he grew up not feeling pain heā€™s learned to be gentle with the things he cares about. But if you ever want to play fight he can sometimes forget, and get a little rough. So when you get hurt heā€™s pulling away instantly. ā€œFuck.. i.. I didnā€™t t-think that would h-hurt. Baby let me see it..ā€ heā€™s babying you the rest of the night.
-now even though heā€™s a pretty good boyfriend he can be a bit much.. at times. He doesnā€™t mean to trust me. But he can get agitated quite easily. Certain tones can make him start to overthink, he can grow angered, upset. Just try to be reassuring and he should be okay.
-Toby is one of the overprotective ones. He will do anything and everything to go make sure whoever was all over you is not longer waking the fuck up. He might even steal you a little gift to make you feel better.
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Ben Lawman/Drowned
-you might wanna buy some shit to keep the house from smelling like weed. And I mean it. He tries not to go crazy because he knows you donā€™t want the apartment smelling like it, but he canā€™t help himself sometimes.
-Iā€™m not gonna lie to you, he most definitely watches you through cameras and your computer and shit. Heā€™ll send pop up messages to you just to freak you out, etc. he thinks itā€™s so silly seeing you get so spooked out.
-heā€™s typically at home often. He doesnā€™t really go anywhere, aside from chilling in the fucking computer. So you get to have him around a lot.
-except it can get so fucking annoying. All in all heā€™s a really calm person, and keeps to himself but when you come along.. heā€™s all over you. Like suffocating. He wants you on his lap, he wants you sitting between his legs, cuddled up underneath his shirt, please just BE CLOSE. Heā€™s much like Toby in that aspect. He just likes the physical love. Anything physical. I think it kinda brings him comfort too to be honest.. finally feeling the touch of someone. Something.
-like Toby heā€™s a fucking pervert. But like itā€™s hella known. He doesnā€™t keep that a secret. Heā€™s a dirty motherfucker. Like Iā€™m talking footjobs, cosplay.. but like that gamer girl, slutty look.. you name it he likes it.
-he likes to game so a lot of your time is probably spent watching him or playing with him. If you play with him though, be warned heā€™s a sore loser. He doesnā€™t rage but more or so finds excuses to show he should have won. But all in all, heā€™s just fooling around.. he enjoys that you can play with him, he likes that you like what he likes.
-immature. Not all the time but most definitely immature at times. To be fair when he died, he was still fairly young so sometimes his humour can be a bit.. questionable. Even if you arenā€™t laughing, heā€™s slapping his knee and pissing himself laughing, looking at you so that he can see your reaction. Just smile.
-heā€™s not overprotective. Like Tim heā€™s just really fucking insecure and I mean really. Really insecure. He sees other couples. How normal they are. How alive they are. And he canā€™t be that. He feels bad that he can never keep you warm because heā€™s an actual freezer. He feels like compared to others.. you could do so much better. So when someone hits on you.. heā€™s sulking. Heā€™s walking further away from you. Heā€™s just insecure. And scared to lose you. But these boys are also.. murderers. So knowing Ben.. well. That person shouldnā€™t have done that.
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Jeffery Hodex/Jeff The Killer
-Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Dickhead. Did I mention heā€™s a fucking asshole. He may seem like he doesnā€™t care about you. But I promise you he does. He just has weird ways of showing it..
-an actual fucking bully. Iā€™m sure heā€™s made you cry time and time again, but you donā€™t do it in front of him, you donā€™t want him to think it hurts. Oh but if he knew.. if he knew how much it hurt you heā€™d beat himself up over it.
-he may seem like a fucking hard ass but he hates when you cry..heā€™s never one to show his emotions but itā€™s when those tears fall that he could break right there.
-hates public affection.. but at home? Different story. ā€œPlay with my hair.ā€ ā€œJeff no, Iā€™m busy.ā€ ā€œPlease.. pretty pleaseā€ thereā€™s a moment of silence before youā€™re rolling your eyes and his head is on your lap.
-talk about sec when heā€™s angry. Itā€™s a good way for him to get out his pent up anger, or if something happened he just needs you. So really what Iā€™m trying to say is underneath all that hard exterior.. he does need you in many ways. Wether he likes to admit that or not.
-even though heā€™s an asshole.. he makes up for it with his rare sweet moments. To me. Jeff is.. not like others? I just mean, look wise he was always the odd one out not that he was ugly but like because he didnā€™t look like every other normal kid there. So having a metal head boyfriend..? With some kinda cool scaring by his lips in the form of a slight smile. Pale skin long black hair, tall and fitā€¦. You know heā€™s playing the guitar to you. Yknow the room is gonna be filled with a bunch of black shit, band stuff, his weird collection of knives. On the note of he makes up for it with his sweet moments. Sometimes heā€™ll go through his collections with you. He will play the guitar for you, heā€™s also quite a good singer so expect some of that. (He most definitely sings you to sleep.. but he makes sure youā€™re half asleep first so you donā€™t remember it.)
-heā€™s not as horrible as he seems, he just.. doesnā€™t like showing his true emotions. He likes to look like the big bad tough guy. But really.. that scared little kid that hates the world is still in there. So what he needs is comfort. And you provide that. Just give him some time.
-overprotective. And if that was an understatement it would be far more then that. He is wayyyy too overprotective, possessive. Youā€™re his. And his only. Nobody should speak to you in any form of flirting, nobody should look at you, touch you. You. Are. His. Now he keeps the killing out of your knowledgeā€¦ as much as possible. Sometimes almost getting caught by you.. anyway. The person that looked at your ass and you didnā€™t even know? Yeah dead by 11 pm. You most definitely find out.
-type of motherfucker to have pictures of you on his phone with his hands around your throat, sitting on his lap, etc. post it. He wants you to. Heā€™ll send them to you just to do it. He likes to show off whatā€™s his.
-when I mentioned he was an asshole. I meant it. Because he doesnā€™t know how to handle his own emotions he canā€™t handle yours either. He internally freaks out. So what does he do? Does what he does best. Shuts you out and gets angry at you for showing your emotions
-please donā€™t be too upset.. heā€™ll be wandering in some point that night to hold you. He just doesnā€™t know how to tell what heā€™s going through.. so just hold him. Itā€™s his way of being vulnerable with you.
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Brian/Hoodie
-to be honest. He may be One of the more normal ones. Though when he leaves for weeks on end and comes back for a good while heā€™s just not himself. Heā€™s quiet. He wants to be alone. He hates being touched, he snaps so much easier. But other then that. Brian tries to completely forget about everything he does and focuses on you.
-a lot of the time, he likes to spend quality time with you. Walking in the local park, doing art, helping him edit his ā€œsillyā€ little videos as you call them. Oh how oblivious you are. Heā€™s a sweetheart, kind, caring. Heā€™s gentle. He knows your likes and dislikes like the back of his hand. He knows what makes you tic, what makes you sulk, what makes you smile. You can thank him stalking you for that.
-yeah remember what I said about him being the most normal, he may have a few quirks. He stalks you from time to time. Not that he doesnā€™t trust you.. he just. Canā€™t take his eyes off of you. Ever. Because he doesnā€™t know what the operator could do.. and well. He just wants to see you, but more to keep you safe.
-he canā€™t sit still unless he knows where you are at, if youā€™re okay. And once he knows he can be at peace. So you can only imagine how fucking hard it is for him to be gone for weeks. He ignores all text messages he gets aside from yours. Heā€™s constantly talking to you, making sure youā€™re okay. he just needs some reassurance and heā€™ll be okay.
-his camera is full of videos of you. He likes to take these home styles videos of you. Cooking in the kitchen in youā€™re underwear and his hoodie, you dancing in the living room, sleeping. He likes to look back at them from time to time.
-he makes sure to keep his pills and if you take any medication, organized and separated. Heā€™d freak the fuck out if you accidentally took some of his. That and he needs a specific dosage.. one a doctor didnā€™t prescribe for him. Ahem. More his dosage of what he pleases. Donā€™t worry he claims heā€™s okay time and time again.
-heā€™s not like Tim with his memory loss, but he can forget things from Time to time. So if you can, if you were there just try and sit with him to help him remember. All he needs is to know that youā€™ll be patient.
-he likes kisses. Give them to him. Immediately. He wants them all over. His lips, cheeks, forehead. Heā€™s such a sweet man.
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sizzleissues Ā· 7 months ago
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Its May.
Okay so this is in the same AU I had last year its just changed and evolved while also being the exact same. Except now I have 15,000 words of it written, like 7,000 words of planning and lore and hours upon hours of research that I will be pointedly ignoring. Will be posting more stuff this month about the AU and my hopes and dreams for it
Also slight art improvement check? Iā€™ll put their original mermaid designs below the cut.
Itā€™s Marinette as a mermaid and ā€¦ its not Adrien or Chat Noir but a third worse thing (Catwalker but in the purest manifestation of it being a curse and not who he wants to be) I will be making designs for mer!Ladybug, and mer!Adrien as its own thing later on.
Okay if you want to indulge me look below the cut
Old mermaid designs first. I am going to be talking about my design thoughts, thoughts and ramblings about this AU and what Iā€™ve been up to. You have been warned
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As you can see, some things have changed but neither design I hated, I just wanted to go further with it.
My brain is quite specific about mermaids and how I want them to generally look. I wanted to distinguish biological merfolk from transformed humans by having them being anatomically different. So Adrien has a vertical tail instead which is also way faster underwater. His transformation is quite distressing for him and very chaotic. Of course when he accepts it heā€™s not so raggedy.
Marinette similarly avoids her life as a mermaid by becoming human and I wanted her mermaid design to hint toward her fascination with humans. She wears a top she fashioned from human fabric she found in a sunken merchant vessel. In general all other merfolk either forgo clothes or wear things fashioned from materials available to them. Thereā€™s deep fear of humans and human things so even though human clothes are available to them (off dead bodies butā€¦. Whatever) they choose to difference themselves as much as possible. The same taboos donā€™t exist for them and their bodies are already adapted from the temperature of their environment. Adrien has stray bits of netting and seaweed on him because heā€™s not exactly the best at controlling his speed and often crashā€™s through fishing nets and patches of seaweed resulting in stuff being caught on him.
A lot of their designs are still being worked but Iā€™ve definitely pushed them the right direction!
On to the AU. You might have seem me cryptically talk about something Iā€™m writing the past few weeks. This is because itā€™s been in my brain since last May and been on and off writing it since then. I decided Iā€™d talk about it once May came back around but and then when I finished writing it, start posting sneak peaks and more spoilery art until it was fully edited and I felt confident in it to post with an aim for it to finish posting once May rolled around again. Oh god.
Itā€™s set in the late 1700s in a fictional version of France thatā€™s actually fragmented over a bunch of islands. I have done more fashion research than I ever thought Iā€™d do and in the end we will still be taking creative license but know I do know what they actually wore! I ALSO did a butt tonne of research about sailing ships and turns out they are super complicated and now I know too much and yet too little still about them. It should be super fun and action packed if I can manage. Have some really good scenes already in my head I know youā€™ll love. Weā€™re already three ships battle deep and Iā€™ve only written four chapters. (It chills out for a bit after that)
This is entirely self-indulgent by the way. Iā€™m writing this for me, you guys are just a bonus. I literally donā€™t care as long as it satiates my rabid need for the fic that only lives in my brain at the moment. Saying that, I do want to put my best foot forward.
The next thing I will be posting for this is their human forms and more blabblerings about that. For I am insane and all.
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byerseason Ā· 7 months ago
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why byler is the only logical way to end stranger things: a personal opinion
long post incoming. i've been thinking about what else can they do other than canon byler or is there any logical way which would please everyone. but i genuinely can't find any logical ending.
first of all, let's see the options i heard from people who doesn't think byler is gonna happen.
not adressing will's love for mike, mike never finding out about it and will's arc simply focusing on supernatural part : well, we all know that's impossible. not after spending a whole season to show us his deep love for mike. also it's confirmed that an emotional arc for him is what is gonna tie up the story.
"his love for mike was for him to explore his sexuality, he's gonna have another boyfriend." : they could easily show it to us without bringing mike into it. the byers moving to california was a perfect chance for it since it's a place better than hawkins when it comes to LGBT, they could easily give him a love interest, include him to their journey to find el just like they included argyle and give him a good character arc in s5, just like robin in s4. well, they didn't.
"mike is gonna reject will" : okay, then what was the reason of making him fall in love with mike? did the writers want to write a horrible story for the only gay child in the group? especially after showing us how miserable he feels about mike and how much he loves him? no.
now let's look deeper at the character arcs. my biggest reason to think byler is the only logical way is: will byers
i don't think i have to mention how much will suffered throughout the show and how he needs the happiest ending. they left season 4 at a point where everything about that love triangle is unresolved and they're obviously going to do something with it.
we all know mike is the one who understands will the most. he always been, since the very beginning. we've been shown that their bond is different and special. in a scenario where mike rejects will, we all know this is gonna be ruined. will is not gonna magically bury his love and go back to being besties with mike. and for mike, it's not possible for him to ignore will's love for him and stay friends as nothing happened. it would ruin their friendship for absolutely nothing.they can't simply take the only one who understands away from him.
will said he wants to spend the rest of his life with mike for two times. even if he doesn't have any hope, he desires it. so why giving him a love that he will never have? in this scenario will's character arc is literally "the gay kid always thought he will never have love just because he is gay, he thinks it's wrong and he is a mistake, well yes, he was right! he will never find the love and just watch the other straight people have it. thanks for watching stranger things." will's arc should be an arc where he is proven wrong, where he understands it's okay to love, where he is loved the way he loves, purely. otherwise his character arc is gonna be useless. where did we leave will in s4? he was thinking there's no chance for mike to love him and he has zero hope-- he ripped off the band aid. if mike rejects him the character arc and all the build up in season 4 becomes useless. he was at zero, and he is still at zero.
like i said giving him an arc where he is loved the way he loves was easy to be done without mike but now it's too late. they made it super clear that will doesn't want to be loved, he wants to be loved by mike. mike hurts him yet he still thinks mike makes him feel like he's not a mistake at all. that's not a simple crush. that's pure love. as a writer of a show you don't spend too much time to sympathize the characters love to the audience -something you never did with your other characters, at least not as much as will- you don't show them pouring their heart to a gift, just to waste it, just to make the character feel the worst they can feel just to make the person they love happy. will loves mike such a way that he prioritizes his happiness over his. this is what is gonna pay off.
the second character whose character arc needs byler: mike wheeler
mike has always been the most complicated character of the show, but most of his actions have no explanation other than him dealing with his own feelings. the show introduced mike as the leader of the party and i think it's okay to say he was one of the main characters in season 1 & 2. what happened after s2? a crazy character downfall. the audience started to dislike him and think he is useless. he didn't have any character development in the past 2 seasons. why? why? why?
because we all just watched him struggling. dealing with something inside of his mind that we don't know.
let's talk about a scenario where byler doesn't happen. this makes all mike's arc about being a love interest since s3. no development, no explanation for his behavior in the past 2 seasons. of course mike is traumatized and never talks to anyone which effects his behavior a lot. but there's still an unanswered question. why is he distancing himself from will specificially? the writers showed us that they understand each other the best, they know each other the best and notice if somethings wrong, so why is he distancing himself from the person who he needs the most as a best friend?
this is where we start to think if the problem is will himself, for mike.
why did we make will fall in love with mike just for mike to distance himself from will for no reason and make will upset? did we want will to suffer for no reason or create an empty storyline?
if mike is not how we think he is, he is going to end the show with an empty character arc who is nothing but a love interest, a side character. if mike ends up how we think he is, he is going to be the best onscreen representation of internalized homophobia. people think he is useless or just an asshole but he will turn out to be a perfectly written character who has his own arc.
people love to say "gay people didn't exist in 80s, byler would be unrealistic." which is completely wrong. gay people DID exist in 80s and they DID find love. did they have peace? they didn't. this is why mike and will are gonna be a real representation. we watched all the real struggles they went through. even if we don't get to see them as a couple, they will know they love each other by the end and that's what matters. and there's nothing unrealistic about it.
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toxycodone Ā· 5 months ago
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Laios:
I genuinely think Laios is attracted to the unconventional or stereotypically attractive. Anyone with unique features, personality quirks, etc. If you don't fit in, you're more willing to catch his eye.
He finds it difficult to really like? Gain an interest in someone who doesn't really "stick out". I think it's clear with the way he treats Kabru that like! People kinda are a blur to him! So! anything that makes someone stick out will catch his interest and he'd be more willing to remember them + actually continue to think about them.
MUST. Share his interest in monsters/animals. This is very important. Like there must be a shared interest there whether its just about anatomy, behavior, etc. I just think he needs to be accepted to talk about this and share fun facts. He likes it. Cooking or an interest in food would also be another plus.
Also just? He likes really easygoing people who aren't super judgemental. Laios is really unapologetically himself and he gets chewed out for it by his friends enough. He's very self aware when it comes to his own issues (esp by the end of the manga) so. Yeah. Just someone who he doesn't feel the need to mask around.
Honestly, maybe someone childish would fit his vibe too? I mean this in a more lighthearted sense. Like someone he could play tag with or goof around in the woods with. He missed out on being a kid for a while, and he's still kinda interested in stuff like that (bug collecting, cool rocks, etc.). Even in post manga he still wants this.
Also uhhhh beastkin/monsters/whatever of any kind get bonus points. Do they have to be this way? No. But. It would definitely do some favors to be feral/wild in some way like this.
Kabru:
Okay I am not saying this is healthy or anything, but Kabru is ridiculously attracted to fixer-uppers. The main character/savior/hero complex kicks in and he cannot help it.
This can either be super good for him if the person is like. not terrible and is actually okay with this. but uh. that isn't always the case. Bro is often setting himself up for some sort of situationship most of the time. He cannot catch a break.
But he totally needs to be confronted about this to have a relationship work out. Hope you can be at least a little assertive!
Oh and the people pleasing. It's going so far. Please, I-....
He needs to be stopped.
Ultimately. He's gonna go after the people who show the least interest in him and this SPECIFICALLY comes from his own insecurities as a person.
But in the end he's gonna truly fall for someone who can put their foot down and confront him about these issues. He's so insightful and perceptive when it comes to others and can easily point out and help you with you're own shortcomings. But he is super blind to his own faults. Legit does not. Even realize.
He honestly needs someone to help him grow, because in my eyes I can see him like even post manga being pretty stagnant here so . Yeah. You don't need to be like some badass assertive person either. As long as you can just sit down and have a serious conversation w him about this I think it'd go well.
And he'd fall for you because I think it's the first time he genuinely sees someone who recognizes things that are bad about him + still loves him despite that + wants him to grow as a person and assert his own wishes and needs more. Yeah. I just have a lot of feelings about that.
Chilchuck:
This goes two ways.
Non Toxic Route
He'd easily see himself falling for someone mature and responsible. It would start out as just a professional admiration but it would slowly become more intimate as Chilchuck starts to enjoy their more unique personality traits (and even ones he'd consider annoying) --like being feisty, or maybe they're picky, or they can be silly sometimes. That type of thing.
It's a total slow burn with him.
But he also likes people who are more lowkey. Chilchuck is not a "falls for you immediately/puppy love" kinda guy. He's jaded and has a past and has KIDS so. He needs to be treated gently and not rushed into things. Anyone who lets him come to them and start to be more affectionate without demanding it...yeah. Handle him with care PLEASE.
And speaking of this...he wants to keep up appearances since he does value his professional life and has kids and an ex-wife. So he wants someone that can blend into this life without causing drama or more headaches (his party gives him plenty. pls.)
"Toxic"/Not Gonna Last Route
Chilchuck is easily motivated by the more basic pleasures of life, so I can definitely see him having a bootycall that becomes some weird "what are we" type of vibe.
He's like...in the back of his mind the type to enjoy a "dirty little secret". Something he thinks only him and this person know about. But as time goes on he eventually gets emotionally involved with them and is like "we need to cut this off".
It is an extremely painful breakup on his end for sure and makes him more jaded when its literally! His own fault.
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sammis-svsss-brainrot Ā· 1 year ago
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OKAY WAIT I SAW THIS POST AND IT MADE ME THINK OF LIKE-
Shen Yuan transmigrates into Luo Binghe, BUT Luo Binghe's soul doesn't exactly like... Leave?
Like there's that one really popular fic that always comes up on ao3 search results that I haven't gotten around to reading yet where Shen Jiu reloads into Shen Qingqiu's body and he and Shen Yuan have to work at being Shen Qingqiu together BUT LIKE CONSIDER THAT SAME CONCEPT BUT WITH SHEN YUAN LOADED INTO BINGHE'S BODY-
Shen Yuan dies, and wakes up in the world of PIDW, watching the events play out from Luo Binghe's perspective
It's a bit weird to get used to, getting used to watching events play out in this way, but he thinks he's grown so obsessed with PIDW that instead of watching his life play out before his eyes, he's watching Binghe's play out instead
But in true Peerless Cucumber fashion, Shen Yuan cannot stay silent while Binghe endures such abuse, and finds himself cursing out this shitty movie for Binghe to actually do something and fight back
Imagine his surprise when Binghe suddenly stops what he's doing and acknowledges Shen Yuan's comments that have appeared like a voice in his head
Cue mass confusion and panic and eventually Shen Yuan figures out that Binghe can hear him??? Somehow?? Similar to how I imagine Meng Mo will function in the future but Binghe has not yet encountered Meng Mo so he's very shocked and Shen Yuan is also very shocked
Cue Shen Yuan realizing that he's in a very unique position to help make Binghe as OP as possible without any of the trauma because uhh maybe without having a physical body, he doesn't get a System?
Meng Mo eventually appears and Shen Yuan gets a "physical" body in Binghe's dreamscape but by this point Shen Yuan has been doing such a good job of teaching Binghe everything he needs to know about everything, Binghe has already extremely latched onto Shen Yuan (and the shizun obsession begins once more)
Anyways, we basically get Shen Yuan guiding Binghe through the plot of PIDW and reshaping it to his making, much to the chagrin of Shang Qinghua, who very much still has a System and is still stuck trying to move the plot along
Cue shenanigans and things actually relevant to the plot, and maybe a cool mechanic of Binghe being able to pass control over to Shen Yuan at certain points?
And long story short it ends with overpowered Demon Lord Binghe sans the harem of so many women finally finding a way to get Shen Yuan's soul out of his head and into a body of his own
Shen Yuan, being super fucking oblivious assumes that Binghe has not pursued the harem because he didn't want Shen Yuan spying on his papayaing with his many numerous wives and turns to leave Binghe to a life in peace or something only to get wifed to Binghe himself
Bonus sequel fic ideas if getting his own body gives Shen Yuan a system of his own but because he's essentially an OC, his mission requirements are basically to fulfill as many wife plots or something lighthearted and stupid type deal
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