#okay so i can't STOP myself from caring so the only other option is to try to care more. does that make sense?

[t4tstarvingdog]

ok but literally??? i have no idea how you make it through the day and hold that much compassion in your body without collapsing??? i admire you so much for that and also worry??? btw i HAVE taken a couple shots in case you couldn’t tell

em you don't even know. god. uhm, you're calling me out here, i don't think anyone's called me out like this before. yeah

[jamsmemes]

(     *     THE SUBSTANCE PROMPTS   !    

feel free to change pronouns / details as needed  !

❛ find me somebody new. ❜

❛ you better get busy. ❜

❛ people are just people. and i have to give people what they want. ❜

❛ renewal is inevitable. ❜

❛ you're a genius! ❜

❛ oh hey, it's your birthday. happy birthday. ❜

❛ you're a good candidate. ❜

❛ you haven't changed a bit. ❜

❛ you're still the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. ❜

❛ hey, why don't we go out for a drink sometime now that we're, you know, reconnected? ❜

❛ have you ever dreamt of a better version of yourself? ❜

❛ everything comes from you. and everything is you. ❜

❛ you can't escape from yourself. ❜

❛ what a gorgeous little angel. ❜

❛ people want to be happy. ❜

❛ gorgeous, with a pure heart. people are gonna love that. ❜

❛ you wanted to complain about something? ❜

❛ i'm actually quite handy if you ever need me to be of aid in any way. ❜

❛ i'll see you next week. and in the meantime, take care of yourself. ❜

❛ what has been used on one side is lost on the other side. ❜

❛ there's no going back. ❜

❛ respect the balance and you won't have any more inconveniences. ❜

❛ i just saw you on tv. ❜

❛ hey, you don't give private lessons, do you? ❜

❛ hey, what about a drink at my place tonight? ❜

❛ come on, don't be shy. ❜

❛ did you follow me here? ❜

❛ i was just curious to find out how things are going for you. ❜

❛ each time you feel a little more lonely, don't you think? ❜

❛ i'm fine. everything's fine. ❜

❛ it gets harder each time to remember you still deserve to exist. ❜

❛ this part of you is still worth something. ❜

❛ sorry, i mean, i'm in shock. ❜

❛ i just, i've been really really busy lately. ❜

❛ i will see you tonight. ❜

❛ i need five minutes. ❜

❛ this balance is not working. ❜

❛ i love everybody. ❜

❛ people love you. they adore you. they want more and more of you. ❜

❛ you can't go higher than that. ❜

❛ thats gonna be intense. ❜

❛ if you don't open the door and opportunity knocks, you won't get another chance. ❜

❛ you of all people know this. ❜

❛ just one more day and then i have a whole week off. ❜

❛ we can switch. ❜

❛ just one more day, okay? ❜

❛ would you like to stop? ❜

❛ will it go back to the way it was before? ❜

❛ i can't stop. ❜

❛ just a little something to keep you busy. ❜

❛ i don't think anybody was really prepared for this world. ❜

❛ oh my god, that is huge news. ❜

❛ i want, we want to know everything. ❜

❛ well i mean, there's really not very much to tell. ❜

❛ i'm sure that you've never heard of it. ❜

❛ ever since i can remember, it has always been my dream to be on screen. ❜

❛ this is my dream. ❜

❛ you do know that we're not exactly from the same generation. ❜

❛ i'll fucking show you. ❜

❛ i guess that's why you could say we have some sort of connection. ❜

❛ you wouldn't exist without me. ❜

❛ would you share one of your little beauty secrets with us? ❜

❛ i guess i just try to be myself. to be sincere and grateful for all that i have. ❜

❛ stop it. you're taking it from me. ❜

❛ you have to control yourself! ❜

❛ i can't go back, i forgot. ❜

❛ coming to bed? ❜

❛ yes, i'll be right there. ❜

❛ i'm telling you, this is urgent. ❜

❛ tell me how to do it. ❜

❛ there is no other option. ❜

❛ who's this? who the fuck is that? ❜

❛ leave me alone! ❜

❛ i want to stop! i want to fucking stop! ❜

❛ once you stop, you can't go back. ❜

❛ i can't do this. i need you. ❜

❛ you gotta get ready. it's our big night. ❜

❛ they're gonna love you so much. ❜

❛ you're the only lovable part of me. ❜

❛ you have to come back. ❜

❛ you gonna dance? ❜

❛ i'm gonna be right back, sorry. ❜

❛ they have been dying to meet you. ❜

❛ is everything okay? ❜

❛ that's what we want tonight. ❜

❛ pretty girls should always smile. ❜

❛ hey, you ready for tonight? ❜

❛ this is where you belong. ❜

❛ you always belong here. ❜

❛ we can't do it without you. we'll never do it without you. ❜

❛ let's go, what are we waiting for? ❜

❛ you will not be disappointed. ❜

❛ shoot the monster! ❜

[nomoreusername]

Smile

Newt x gender neutral reader

Summary:When Newt notices you hiding your smile he quickly makes everything better again.

I looked into the little piece of broken glass as I thought about what they said. It was only meant to be a joke. I wasn't supposed to actually believe them.

But I did. I've been looking at my reflection and seeing what it looks like when I smile. Despite not caring about their words at first it seemed to be nothing short of true now.

My smile was ugly. It was far too toothy, too wide, too much. I've been trying to find a way to fix it, trying to change it, but nothing was working. It was still so hateable.

That left me with one desperate option. Avoid smiling as much as possible. If I do I try to hide it behind my hand. It looks ridiculous, but apparently so do I when I grin.

"Hey,"Newt said, walking in. I shoved the piece of glass under my bed.

"Don't you know how to knock?"I snapped, feeling my face flush with embarrassment.

"Not with you,"He pointed out. That was true, but right now I can't stand anyone seeing me. Practicing how to smile is a hard thing to explain. Especially, to him.

"Out,"I instructed, pointing at the door. He was visibly confused as he left. I guess I would be too.

"I wish I could fix this,"I sighed, pulling out the broken glass one last time. If only.

♡ - - - ♡

I nodded my head as Minho kept telling his story. It was admittedly kind of funny. I felt myself start to smile but managed to stop it just in time. I covered my mouth with my hand just in case it happened again.

"Are you alright, love?"Newt whispered in my ear.

"Yeah,"I shrugged, leaning back. He didn't look convinced. If anything he looked more concerned. He can't be though, right? I technically haven't done anything bad or wrong.

"Hey. Follow me real quick,"He whispered again, standing up. We slipped away from everyone without a word. Nobody seemed to notice.

"Where exactly are we going?"I asked as we walked away from the others.

"Just trust me. It'll only take a minute,"He promised. I wasn't sure if I believed him but didn't stop walking.

Eventually, he turned by the cliff and sat. He looked back at me expectantly. I joined him.

"It's pretty, isn't it?"He asked, looking at the sunset.

"Extremely,"I agreed.

"It's enough to make anyone smile,"He added. I didn't say anything this time.

"It always made you smile. How come you aren't?"He questioned. I fixated on the ocean below me to avoid looking at him.

"Y/N, how come you don't smile anymore?

"I do,"I mumbled.

"Barely, and anytime you do it's not yours. I want to see you smile from ear to ear."

"Why?"I asked before I could stop myself. I cringed at my words and wished I could take the back.

"Why? What do you mean why?"

"Why do you want to see me smile?"I whispered.

"Because I like seeing you happy, and I know you're happy when you wear that bright, perfect grin."

The only sound for a while was the crashing of waves against rocks. What was there to say?

"You don't think your smile is perfect, do you?"He asked quietly. I didn't say anything which was an answer in itself.

"Y/N, do you remember how we met?"He asked out of the blue.

"Of course I do. You were the third person up in the Glade. I helped you out of the box and showed you around,"I reminessed.

"And do you remember how scared I was at first?"

"Yeah. Alby and I were worried you were never going to leave the box."

"And I might not have. There was one thing though, that told me everything was going to be okay,"He stated, pausing so I was left with a burning curiosity.

"What was it?"I wondered.

"You. You held out your hand and flashed me that brilliant smile. Suddenly, everything was okay because you were there. I didn't even know my name, but that if someone could have such a genuine smile I would be okay,"He admitted.

I looked at him and searched his face for any sign of a fib. Then, I realized who I was sitting with. Newt's a lot of things, practically all of them incredible, but a liar is not on the list.

"See? There's that contagious smile,"He remarked, making me recognize that I was practically beaming. It's so hard not to when I'm around him.

"Now don't you ever hide that amazing smile again. Good that?"He checked.

"As long as I have you then yeah. Good that,"I agreed.

"Good. Do you want to go back to everyone else?"He offered.

I didn't say anything as I placed my head on his shoulder which was another silent answer.

Right there I was perfectly content in that one simple moment. It was just the sunset, me, and the one person who never fails to make me smile.

[leah-lover]

I need you. Jill roord × reader.

Smut 18+

Jill misses reader after she did her ACL.

My life has been hectic ever since Jill did her Acl. Our games have been hard and critical for our shot at the title so losing concentration wasn't an option. O. The other hand, my relationship with Jill was going through its toughest phase yet.

Dealing with the shock of her diagnosis, her surgery, her physical And emotional pain had stretched the both of us too thin. We were tired.

Jill was hurt because of her knee, she was hurt because of the strain in the relationship but she couldn't say anything. She wanted to feel loved and appreciated during her current status. She couldn't say anything though, she was afraid all the responsibility would drive me away. As a result, she started to close up on herself.

I noticed the change in her state after it came home from training.

“ Hello darling, I missed you.” I said as I tossed my keys and bags and went towards the couch where she was sitting.

“ Hey, is your knee okay? What's wrong, talk to me honey?” I added as I massaged over her brace.

“ No I am okay, love. My knee is fine.” She answered with a half smile.

“ Darling I know you just please tell me it's your knee again I can get you something for it” I said before she cut me off.

“ It's not about my fucking knee. This knee has stopped my life. I miss you I just fucking my iss you soo much.” She said,

My hand immediately traveled to cup her face. “Honey you could have just said so I miss you too.” I replied before leaning over to give her a peck which she turned into a messy kiss.

“ If I had known I would have sorted this problem a long time ago.” I joked.

“ Don't be an ass and come back here. My knee doesn't change anything. I am still in charge.” she said.

We continued to kiss before things got more heated. “ It's okay, just get on top of me “ she demanded.

I was worried about her knee. But I needed to be closer to her.

I got on top of her, and unconsciously started grinding on her thigh.

“ That is a good girl. Keep going, my love.” she said with the raspiest voice.

While I was grinding, she was kissing my neck and massaging my sides and my chest.

“ Baby, I.. I think I am gonna come .“ I whispered into her ear.

“This soon baby. Hold it for me.” She replied.

I kept on grinding on her thigh.

“ Jill please I can't anymore.” I pleaded.

“Okay love, come for me.” She replied, while running her hand up and down my sides. After that the lounded sound managed to creep out of my mouth as I released a month's tension and collapsed into Jill’s arms.

“ That's a very good girl.” she said, calming me down by running her hands on my back.

“ Baby you are dripping. Let me return the favor.” I demanded.

Without asking for permission I slowly lowered her on the couch, took off her shorts and positioned myself between her thighs.

Arousal was running through her thighs. It only took my tongue quick contact with her core for the nastiest moan to escape her lips.

While being careful, I continuously rubbed circles on her core, and she kept getting angstier by the second.

“Baby please I need more.” She pleaded.

With that I pushed two fingers inside her.

Which seems to do the job as she lost control rapidly.

“Babe I need to come please don't make me wait” she pleaded, her breath getting quicker.

My pace then grew faster, which helped her come.

After she came I cleaned her up with my mouth and laid on her chest.

“Next time just tell me you need me okay.” I said.

“ I love you so much.” She added before falling asleep.

[blushweddinggowns]

Would love to see your take on 23 or 28 good potential for fluff or angst or maybe both?

I am such a fluffy bitch! I can't help myself. If I get another one of these I will do angst because I need to work on that. But for now fluffy bullshit is my safe place <3

But I will say this tickled my uh not sfw brain, so watch out for a possible ao3 E addition the other prompt. Maybe! (Probably. the potenial of "Come and get your fix" is insane) But this is "Was it worth it?"

~

Honestly? You'd think Steve would be used to this by now. He was just not the guy that anyone wanted to be with. First there was Nancy, the worst heartbreak he ever had. Then there was Robin, which was better but still kind of sucked. Until Steve realized that oh, wow, this girl is literally my long lost sister. So with that, he had to admit that he was pretty grateful that she was gay as hell. The alternative would have been an absolute disaster. But even before all of that, girls just didn't like being with him. Or at least staying with him.

He was too much of a hopeless romantic, too clingy, too weird. He always fell beneath expectations. People expected him to be cool, suave, to actually match the whole "King Steve" label and be the high school dream boat that he should be. But...Steve just wasn't like that. He wanted too much too fast, always opening up and sharing shit that made people uncomfortable. That made them pull away and find someone less annoying. So he'd retreat back into the popular boy thing, be charming and a little dickish, find a new girlfriend, and start the process all over again.

People just... didn't like going there with him. Not when there were better options. It felt like the only one who could really handle him was Robin. And lately... Eddie Munson.

Eddie Munson who was currently in the middle of crushing all of his feelings into the dust.

He thought...Steve wasn't sure what he thought. But it felt like over the past year they had been moving somewhere, to something more. They were friends by circumstance, from all the Upside Down shit and then with Steve being Dustin's chauffer to the hospital for visits. It had all been so simple at first. They would all talk as a group, it would be fun, and then they'd be on there way until Dustin called him up next. Until one day Steve just went by himself. He wasn't quite sure why he did, but the bright smile that lit up Eddie's face when he saw him made sure that he'd keep doing it.

And they would talk for a long time. For a stupid amount of time honestly, all the way until the nurses kicked him out for getting Eddie too rowdy and excited. But it didn't stop when he got out of the hospital. Steve just started going to house, helping him and his uncle out as they got to know each other more. It's not like he had anything else going on. He just never expected Eddie Munson of all people to slowly become the center of his life.

They just... clicked. In a way that no one had expected, least of all them. They were so different, but they also weren't. Not in the ways that mattered. Besides, Steve liked all the play fights and debates they would have over music and movies. He liked ribbing each other over their taste in clothes and their mutual inability to get girls. He loved it even more when Eddie came out to him in the silliest possible way.

"I can't get girls because I'm gay as fuck and they can sense it. You can't get girls because every straight woman that lives here is apparently stupid. Can being too hot ruin your dating life?"

At the time it had made Steve laugh. It also stirred... something in his chest. Something warm and nice that he didn't have time to examine, not when he was too busy reassuring Eddie that yes, he's okay with it. But no, girls couldn't smell it on him. Not that Eddie cared but Steve actually had 0 clue on why no one was interested in him. Just because he was gay didn't mean the girls of Hawkins high knew that. Why weren't they fawning over him? He was so freaking pretty, and creative and fun and...and that's how Steve realized he wasn't as straight as he thought he was.

And because Steve was Steve that meant that he had to make things weird. He started doing stupid shit, like staring at Eddie's perfect mouth all the time, wearing his clothes with permission, just to smell him throughout the day. They started giving each other little nick names, stupid shit that was so close to being romantic. Like sunshine and angel. They started sleeping in the same bed together, spending more nights with each other than apart. Steve would wake up with Eddie wrapped around him, clinging to him like...like they were something more.

And it felt good. Comfortable and safe. And Steve really thought that this had been different. That whatever was going on with him had to be going on with Eddie too.

But now here he was, standing shell-shocked in his kitchen while his very good friend was trying to talk to him about his crush. His crush that had nothing to do with Steve. It wasn't exactly shocking that Steve had made all of that flirtation up in his head. It wouldn't be the first time, he was just delusional like that.

But that didn't stop his heart from breaking when Eddie said, "So...there's this guy whose like, insanely hot? And I think he might be into me. But... I don't really know what to do about it."

Steve really did not want to hear about this. He didn't like it, the horrifying thought of Eddie getting a boyfriend. Because what partner would be cool with them cuddling up together in bed? Who would be down to have their boyfriend's creepy buddy hanging around them all the time? Calling them stupid shit like sunshine? It wasn't going to happen. And acknowledging that hurt...so much more than Steve had expected.

But Steve was a good friend. That was probably the only thing he had going for him. He'd get past it. He always did. He was just going to have to completely restructure the life he had built around Eddie. That's all.

He shoved his feelings back, smiling despite the fact that he felt like he was dying a little inside, "Oh yeah? Tell me about him."

Steve wasn't sure why he asked that. And the dreamy smiled on Eddie's face when he started talking wasn't helping, "He is just awesome dude. Total catch, an absolute sweetheart. And he just fits with me y'know? And, um, I think he feels the same way. But I'm not sure. I'm too much of a bitch to even ask if he's into dudes. I don't know if telling him is worth the risk."

Part of Steve wanted to be a real piece of shit with that. To tell him that yeah, it's not a good idea. He's probably straight and definitely wouldn't be good for him. They wouldn't love him like Steve could. But that didn't exactly count as being a good friend, did it?

Steve kept it all back, his smile tight when he said, "I think that sometimes the risk can be worth it. Do you think he's worth it?"

Eddie laughed, like Steve said something funny instead of trying to be sincere. But he was smiling, staring down at the counter as he fiddled with his rings, "If it worked out, it would probably be the best thing that ever happened to me."

Steve really really did not need to hear that. He could feel his eyes getting wet. He needed to wrap this shit up and send Eddie on his way to mystery man's house before he started crying, "If that's how you feel then go for it man. He'd be lucky to have you."

Steve's voice broke on the last word, something he tried to hide behind a cough. He just wanted this to be over already.

"I think I'd be lucky to have him," Eddie said with a shrug, "But... do you really think I should? Just go for it?"

"Yeah dude, why not tonight even? If he's not doing anything else you can just hop right over," Steve was willing to sign up for anything that got him out of here faster.

Eddie laughed again, completely out of place. He was circling the counter, coming to a stop in front of Steve with a nervous little smile, "You really think so?"

Why did he have to look at him like that? With this big doe eyes, filled with hope. It was silly, what Steve thought didn't even matter, this had nothing to do with him. But that little fact wasn't helping to clear the lump in his throat.

Steve nodded, not trusting himself with words. He expected Eddie to grin, thank him, and head out into the night to profess his love for some other dude. But that's not what happened.

Instead Eddie settled his hands on Steve's shoulders, giving them a firm squeeze. He looked nervous, but excited, his eyes boring right into Steve's. He took a deep breath before blurting, "I'm in love with you. Like full-blown. A-And it's probably way to early to be saying that but it's true Steve. It's been driving me fucking insane, because I like want you man. In very non-friendship ways."

Steve stared at him, his mouth hanging open like an idiot. He didn't-wait-huh? What? That can't be right. Eddie couldn't have been talking about him because he didn't-he wasn't-but... now that Steve thought about it, who the fuck else would he be talking about? How would he even have a chance to meet someone else when they were attached at the hip?

He felt so stupid. And so relived. He didn't even know what to do with himself, besides stare at Eddie like a moron. And his silence wasn't helping anything.

"I-um, thought that you might feel the same way since, y'know. Everything. And I know you're not gay-"

It was true, Steve wasn't gay. Not entirely but, "I can be gay for you. I'm so gay for you. I might as well be an Eddie-sexual at this point-"

Steve didn't have time to finish his cringy spiel, not when Eddie was pulling him closer and smashing their mouths together. Steve would thank him later for it, but for now he was too busy melting into his arms.

He felt weirdly good when they finally pulled away, almost like he was high. Just from one little kiss.

Eddie was grinning at him, looking at Steve like he was the best thing that ever happened to him. And what an insane thought that was huh? But Steve would take it.

Steve smiled up at him, taking the time to wrap his arms around Eddie's neck, "So...was it worth it? The risk?"

Eddie rolled his eyes, his hands wandering downward to rest on Steve's hips. And then Eddie was actually lifting him into the air and onto the counter, settling between his legs like the gesture didn't just send Steve into a tailspin. Why was that so hot? When did his nerdy friend (boyfriend?) become so smooth?

Eddie chuckled before leaning back in. He pressed a light kiss to the side of Steve's lips, sweet enough for him to know it would be burned into his memory until the end of time, "Like you have to ask."

[ninus9607]

Falling for her - Amelia Shepherd

Hey loves

This is my first story, so I'm pretty nervous also I'm sorry about my grammar, English isn't my first language

This story takes place during the second season but there are small changes, like Derek and Addison divorced before Derek came to Seattle so Addison won't be coming to Seattle for Derek because Richard asked her to (it will be important for the plot), lexie. The storyline in my story doesn't match Grey's one.

Amelia will work as an attending with Derek, also she's not the youngest shepherd and she is younger than Derek by only a few years. Derek and Meredith are not dating because of the rule (nobody cared about that but ok

______________________________________________________________

1. New start

There was a voice on the plane telling us to buckle up because we were landing, finally, I thought to myself. Flying more than 6000 km is exhausting. After the plane landed successfully, I put on my backpack and collected my baggage. When I got out of the airport, a cold wind greeted me, it's chilly here, I should take a taxi. There were many taxis on the other side of the road, I took my suitcase and slowly walked to the other side, there were about 5 taxis parked there, which one should I choose? Never mind, I chose the first one I stood by.

"Could you take me to Queen Anne at 303 Comstock Street?"

The taxi driver just nodded, is every American so grumpy? All the way there was silence in the car, but I didn't mind, I was looking out the window and admiring the world around me the whole time. I can't believe it, I'm truly here, Seattle was gorgeous, and there were people all over the place, which was a big difference from my home. When the car stopped on my street, the driver turned to me and in a cold voice said, "It would be $40." I pulled my wallet out of my pocket, full of US dollars, to make sure I had enough money. I must have grabbed a little more than I needed since I could barely close my wallet.

I handed him a $50 bill. "You can ke-" He didn't even let me finish and grabbed it from my hand, then pointed to the door. At that moment, I felt like hitting him. I grabbed my stuff, and as soon as I reached for the door, his car quickly started and sped off.

"Dick"

I looked around to see where I was, and after taking stock of my situation I realized I was lost, fuck, I should have seen what the house looked like before. I mean, what normal person wouldn't look at the house they're buying, yeah, I didn't look. I only have his address. So I'll try to ask someone. The street was quiet, with hardly any people to be seen outside. It was probably because everyone was still at work. However, a woman was walking on the sidewalk. She looked tired, but it seemed like she was my only option.

"Sorry to bother you, miss, but can you tell me where house number 302 is located?"

She looked at me with a surprised smile. "Oh, that's the house right next to mine. You must be my new neighbor. I'm Meredith Grey" She offered me her hand in greeting. Okay, it looks like Americans aren't so bad after all. I shook her hand. "Lena Anderson, nice to meet you" My accent was a bit stronger, I still have to get used to it.

"You're not from here, are you?" I shook my head "No, I just moved here." She looked at me with an even bigger smile. "Cool, come with me. I'll show you where you live."  And with that, she takes my hand. Are Americans always this friendly? We walked for a while and then stopped in front of a pretty big house. Wow, I think I made a good purchase.

"Thank you Meredith for helping me, you saved my life."

"It's okay, I'm glad I met you. Maybe we could hang out sometime, perhaps go to a bar or something?"

"Deal," I said and waved her off, picked up my keys, and opened my new home. Wow, this house is huge!  Large kitchen, beautiful living room, 3 bedrooms, and 2 bathrooms. This place is amazing! After unpacking and enjoying a warm shower, I settled into the beautifully modern living room, complete with a large TV and a PS5. Since I was a child, I have always enjoyed playing video games. I brought my PS5 here, and it provides great fun while helping me relax from reality. I prepared my favorite fruit tea and turned on the music on the TV. I grabbed my laptop and opened my email to check for any important updates. I was eagerly waiting for news about my job and had also applied for internship programs at hospitals in Seattle. My school grades are excellent, and I have valuable work experience back home in Europe. However, I understand that this may not guarantee anything.

I've got about 30 emails popping up, mostly some ads I should clean up, I started to slowly delete them one by one so I wouldn't accidentally delete something important. until I get an e-mail from Seattle Grace Hospital. I opened it and started reading.

 "You have been accepted into our residency program"

I screamed at the top of my lungs, I couldn't believe it, it's like a miracle, I love my life. In the email, there was additional information, such as salary, hours, and more. I am supposed to start in two days, so I might as well inform Meredith. She could at least assist me in getting oriented here. I changed into something more social, grabbed my keys, and went to see my neighbor.

knock, knock

After a while, some guy opened the door. "Oh, hi? Is Meredith there?" He was a little confused, but he called out to Meredith, who came to the door.

"Hey Meredith, sorry to bother you again, but as you said we could meet sometime. If you don't have plans for tonight, maybe we could hang out?"

"Hey, Len, I was just thinking about you, join us, I'll introduce you to my friends" She led me to her living room, where I saw two other people. They looked nice.

"Everybody, this is Lena, my new neighbor. Lena, these are my friends and roommates. George and Izzie"

"Hi"

"Hello"

"Nice to meet you all." I was a little nervous, but after two hours of talking and drinking, I felt like I had made new friends. Meredith and Izzie were great, funny and George was George. Such a nice guy. But I get the feeling he's secretly in love with Meredith, he looks at her like she's a god. It is very easy to make fun of him but in a good way.

"Where do you work? Your house is huge but it must have cost a lot." George asks me

"Well, actually I bought it before I had a job"

"WHAT? ARE YOU RICH?" Izzie and Meredith shouted at the same time

"Well kind of, but now I got a job in a hospital in their program an-"

"Are you a doctor? and in seattle grace?" George quickly cut me off

"Yeah? What's the problem??"

"We work there too! me, mer, izzie and our other friends like cristina and alex"

"So, Are we colleagues?"

"YES!" Everyone in the room screamed.

"Wow, that's really impressive. Is there a bar where we can celebrate?" I asked

"Let's meet at Joe's Bar tomorrow as we always do after work." Meredith said

"If you show me where it is, we can definitely..."

I stayed at Meredith's place for about an hour and then left to go home. I changed into comfortable pajamas, sat on my bed, and picked up the book. I decided on something a little more interesting: "Haunting Adeline." (😏) I was reading for about two hours before my eyes started to close, so I put the book down, turned off the light, and closed my eyes.

AN: Wow, that was my first chapter. I apologize for every mistake, but I'm trying yk...I'm happy for every response and comment also if you have any questions, just ask. I'd be happy to answer them.

PS: By the way, if you want to read more, you can check out my Wattpad or Ao3, where my story is already uploaded.

xx

[bestedoesmeow]

⋆Barmen Charles leclerc x Younger reader⋆

inspired by the summer I had few years ago. Still thankful for the experience, and joy you brought to my life even though we are not really in good terms right now :)

'' One summer your whole system of understanding love changes due to some monegasque barmen that you meet on a holiday that you thought to be just like others.''⋆

PART 1 ( click on the title to listen to the song while reading the story!!)

'' I am just gonna go and get a bottle of water from the bar. Why am I making such a big deal out of it?" You are talking to yourself, while your hands are shaking with the excitement you feel and your blood is rushing crazily through your cheeks. It's hot—unbelievably, amazingly, and almost unbearably hot for someone to even try to walk. But there you are, walking in a rush in your swimsuit and sunglasses, with flushed red cheeks and shaky hands because of the image you have of him in your mind. You are afraid that you are going to forget how to talk when you see him—his pretty green eyes, showy smile showing off his dimples, the almost invisible freckles he has on his nose due to the humidity and salt. Is he 24? Maybe 20? You don't know anything, probably you don't even care though—all you care about is how he makes you feel whenever you see him standing at that bar, preparing drinks for people and sending that shy yet confident smile at the same time whenever someone says "thank you" or "you look handsome." Old ladies, their daughters, and even some gentlemen—everyone there is in awe of how handsome and charming he is. It would be a pity if you weren't. You don't know if you feel jealous that he has too many options or feel happy that you are not alone, with everyone adoring him. While wishfully thinking, you realize you are almost standing in front of the bar, with the sounds of the harsh sea in your ears and some people sitting on the chairs behind you after getting out of the sea to grab something to eat. Lunch? Probably.

"What can I get you?" His French accent echoes in your ears, leaving you even weaker and more vulnerable to any attack. He smiles at you—those dimples, those damn dimples. Those smiling eyes and his welcoming gesture—almost too welcoming that you start to think about telling him everything. Right there, just right there.

"Can I get a bottle of water? It's getting even hotter and I just can't stan—" You stop, wondering why you just couldn't get the water and go. Did you really have to?

"Oh, it's unbelievably hot today," he says. "I can't tell you how many t-shirts I've changed into. It's freaking hot," he adds. You feel the sweat drops on your back flow down by the time he stops speaking. Thanks, thanks for not leaving me there cringing hard at myself. Thanks for talking back about the fucking weather and making it seem like a big issue.

"Why don't you take a seat? I'll make you a Martini. Pink? That'll cool you off for sure."

You try to comprehend the moment, his voice, his offer. You look around to see if he has anyone other than you to talk to, but it seems like you are alone.

"You aren't underage, are you?" he says this time. It is the fourth time he has spoken, but there is something in your throat that controls you, and you just can't come up with words. You take a seat, and your bikini drips some water.

"I am wet, like, so much that I probably shouldn't sit, so I'll only get the water, thank y—"

He cuts you off before you can even finish your sentence, as if he is just as excited to talk with you. At least you wish he is.

"Oh, come on, do you think people who come here to drink are all suited up? Don't worry, I'll take care of it after. Martini?" His French accent is even more visible now, and he is raising an eyebrow at you. Is he being flirty or just being nice? Or is he always like this?

"Yeah, okay," you say, trying not to sound so unsure, excited, or like a teenager who has a crush on an older guy who seems like a Greek god or a prince?

He nods and looks into your eyes before acting to prepare your drink, while you pick at the sides of your nails.

"What is your name?" he asks suddenly, and you are not expecting it. It's too much for you to handle, and your heart is almost about to stop with all the affection from the guy. You are determined not to show it, though.

"Oh, it's Y/N."

"That's a nice name. Mine is Charles, nothing special, you know," he says while pouring your drink with almost shaky hands. Is he okay? Or too shy? Or are they forcing him to make connections with people?

"I love your name. I mean, I love the name 'Charles,' sounds magical, maybe?" His lips are curled into a wide smile, while little sweat drops are determined to fall from his forehead.

"You think so?"

"Yes, it's a great name. You should realize it too," you say this time before taking a sip from the Martini he just prepared for you—with his own, freaking beautiful hands.

"How old are you, huh?" he says. He leans his body on the counter, and his gaze is focused on yours. His green eyes wander around your face while you try not to turn your head around because the connection is too much more than you can handle.

"Nineteen."

"That's a nice age. I am 24, and I feel like I am already too old to do lots of things," he says. Finally, he cuts the eye contact to clean some glasses left behind by the people who just thanked him for the delicious drinks.

"Well, that's wrong. You look much younger, though, if it helps," you say. Did you really say that? You can't believe you can just sit there and talk to him—the guy you've been drooling over for almost three days maybe? Is this what magic feels like? Or am I in a dream?

"Thanks, amour. That's so nice of you to say. How long are you planning to stay here? In France?"

"We are leaving this weekend." And I am also leaving you here, with all of my beautiful feelings and all of my dreams.

"That's bad. Have I served your family before? How long have you been staying here?"

"About a week, maybe? Yes, and you have. They like you, to be honest. Your vibe is all over the place."

SHUT UP. TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, HUH? STOP IT. HE'LL THINK YOU'RE DESPERATE.

"That's so nice to hear such a thing from someone like you. How come you never came to the bar?"

"I did, but it's always too crowded, you know? It's hard to find a place to sit."

"I know, I know," he says, and he turns his head to take another hotel customer's drink order. You take another sip from the Martini before wrapping your towel around your shoulders and pretending to get up from the chair.

"Thanks for the drink, Charles," you say, hoping he can hear you. You wouldn't take it personally if he couldn't, though.

"Nice meeting you, Y/N," he says, leaving the shaker there to say goodbye to you. He left his job to say goodbye to you? What is going on here? Can someone punch or pinch you?

He comes closer to you before handing you a napkin with some numbers written on it.

"Call me before you leave, so we can spend some time together. We can hit the downtown or go anywhere you'd like to see, huh?"

"Yes, of course."

He leaves you there with bouncy heart, sweaty palms, shaky legs, and body. His cologne follows you to your room, along with the dream of him.

[amugoffandoms]

Ahahaha i am making you talk about how the voting will affect kazui and yuno~~~

🔫😄

omg there's a gun im being threatened to talk about this oh no it's definitely not like I was planning on doing this anyway because I'm UNWELL ABOUT THEM AT 1 AM

ANYWAYS DRUMROLL FOLKS WATCHING IN THE AUDIENCE, IT'S TIME FOR MUG'S 1 AM MILGRAM THOUGHTS!!!

How Voting Will Affect the Liars

Similarities

From the get-go, we already know they're pretty similar. They have references to a cat in their t2 MVs (A flash of a cat silhouette in Tear Drop and Cat. [And also the Dove eating])

We also have Yuno confirming this in her interrogation questions.

Which prisoner is the most like you? Kazui is the only option.

The two of them are also related to theater.

Yuno mentions in one of her interrogation questions that she's a part of a theater club and half takes place at a theater.

Observant Pair

Yuno is able to point out lies while having a conversation. (See her catching Kazui lying about his type and Mikoto's smiling.) She's also pretty observant with all the relationships with the prisoners (Haruka & Muu, Shidou & Amane).

I'd say Kazui is also observant. I recall a timeline conversation he had with Fuuta about attacking a guard. He mentioned that the guard could have a gun or other weapons, which is why you would have to be careful when making decisions.

Now, here's where I get a little more assumptions and stuff and less concrete similarities, but I'm doing it because I love these characters a lot so it's okay!

They both have bad self-esteem/ issues.

Yuno's aren't especially prevalent in any of her voice dramas/songs, but just note that I'd feel like being told you're some little girl when you want to be thought as of yourself would be seriously bad for your mental health.

And, also, looking at current timeline conversations, she's been asking a lot if it was worth it to be born which haha girl you need therapy.

She does mention she wouldn't mind living her life over again, which sure, doesn't sound indicative of any problems, but considering how terrible it is to be dealing with people almost dying everyday and hearing people pretend you are lesser than who you are, pretending you are some little girl, I'd say it's pretty sound reasoning for some issues.

Kazui had a little, uh, how to call it, breakdown-ish over him lying his entire life.

E: In short – between love and hate, [I would say] I hate you. Remember that. K: … I get that. E: Huh? K: I despise myself for lying, too. Being a liar, you see – it’s painful. E: Heh. Then just– K: So I’ve tried to change! I’ve tried to change. I have tried to stop lying to myself and others! E: … K: I’ve confided in others. I’ve tried to be myself! I’ve tried to just be the way I was born! E: …Hey, Kazui– K: It’s not my lies that killed her. She’s dead because I stopped lying to her! If I had just kept lying- She wouldn’t have died…! E: Kazui… K: I can’t live unless I lie. That’s how I was born… I’m pathetic, aren’t I?

[Source]

You can also take a look at a single interrogation question and see how terrible he's doing.

Do you like yourself? I can't really say I do.

So, wowee they seriously need some therapy (sorry I'm trying to be lighthearted I'm still think about kazui's votes BAHAHSHDH also these two being my favorite characters of milgram is not a good sign for myself)

They would rather they never committed the murder.

If you could turn back time, would you commit the same murder once again? I'd make sure that I won't have to commit it. That's it.

Do you regret your "murder"? I do regret it. I should have kept lying.

(Voice Drama)

K: It’s not my lies that killed her. She’s dead because I stopped lying to her! If I had just kept lying- She wouldn’t have died…!

Love and Like

Now, this one is sort of hard to determine on Kazui's side, but they do seem to make some sort of clear distinction between love and Like.

Difference between like and love? Isn't liking a state, and loving a feeling?

Cat MV

Maybe, perhaps… or… could it come true… like It’s for the sake of true love, who wouldn’t lie for that? . . .

Hey, so what if I said I liked-liked you, what would you do?

Kazui mentions true love (so, let's say romantic in this sense!) and I'll use liked-liked as just crushing.

Kazui says he lied (to protect his wife) because of true love. He mentions he likes someone because he was wondering about it.

Now, Kazui as a liar is pretty obvious. He mentions he's a liar, continue lying until you find the king of the masquerade, and shown as a magician (known for tricking and lying). He basically says he's lied for others.

Lying

(please enjoy silly minigram)

Yuno has lied as well. Not in MILGRAM, of course. She has no reason to lie. I'd say moreso on the side of her work. She's lied to her clients about who she is because she wanted to satisfy her client. She dresses up (hey, is this a half reference why is there changing costumes in this /j) for each of her clients and lies to them just to satisfy them for the money.

Someone mentioned in a post I reblogged a while back that they both lied to satisfy others and that's what they did.

This same post was when I begin to realize how Kazui's voting will severely affect Yuno.

Voting

So, this is the part of the post you've all be waiting for.

The Voting.

Now, luckily for Yuno, she's innocent! Haha, woo!!

We'll talk more about that later.

Kazui's voting is interesting to say the least! (Please don't look at my last posts to see how crazy I went please vote him innocent anyways)

To me, Kazui's vote feels like would you forgive a liar who has come clean, who has begun to show their true self to you?

Kazui is beginning to reveal himself to us, to show the person underneath the lies, the costumes, and the masquerade masks.

He's trying to be honest again! For the first time since his wife's death, he's trying to show the truth and let Es reveal him for who he is: a liar, a liar who is trying to be their true self.

Now, let's reflect on Yuno for a moment.

Let's recall one of the main objections to Yuno's voting last round. She didn't like being voted innocent because of how much they tried to justify her actions and act like she's such a poor, innocent girl who only did it because she's never felt love. She couldn't believe she was voted innocent because of that! Because of lies she had made up for her clients. (Shove that, in Kazui's words lol)

She wants Es to judge not because she's pitiful but because they believe it is a correct judgment to decide. To use logic instead of half-baked opinions on herself.

She wants Es to see her true self, someone who isn't pitiful, someone who did it because she wanted to.

See the line of connection?

They both want Es to see them for who they are, not for their lies.

Now, reflecting on the current voting, let's look at Yuno.

Even after her telling us/Es not to pity her, apparently some people still acted like she was an innocent girl. And even then, we all sort of chalked her up as abortion girlboss (GUYS please she's so much more than that head in hands places hand on wall) AND, hey, I'm not saying I'm immune to this, my reaction to her was pretty much the same. I'd vote her innocent no matter the reason (I love her character or that her murder is forgivable to me, even with the pregnancy entrapment theory)

But, she's more than that. She's more than a single action she's done.

But, somehow we missed that while we voted and made our decision.

We decided she was just a single action she's done made from her lies. She was trying to make sure we'd see her as herself, not a single thing we did.

And we didn't! We voted her innocent because she's a pitiable girl who has done nothing wrong.

So, wowed, strike one for us, Failure to Vote for One's True Self.

We voted for a single part about her and disregarded everything else because it was easy.

We didn't let her show us for who she is.

Now, Kazui time!

I've already mentioned previously that Kazui wants to show his true self to us, so I won't regurgitate stuff you already know.

Now, I feel like it's sort of clear that people don't care too much about that. More on the fact that he could have stopped at any time. (He wanted to tell the truth on his terms. Divorce is also a pretty bad look on you in Japan so I've heard.) He wanted to protect his wife, okay, cool cool.

He still wants Es to reveal his true self. (And, judging from the guilty verdicts, I don't think that'll work, that'll just make them worse in the long run.)

Also, quick tangent: This sounds familiar. Why does this voting seem like we've done this before as if we wanted to reveal their true self as if we wanted to show them their sins.. anywho

And, by giving Kazui a guilty verdict, we're only further proving that we don't give a damn about wanting to know about his true self, only that he lied to his wife, disregarding any of his own feelings related to the matter. We don't care about him wanting to be hinest.

We're proving we don't care about his true self, only his actions.

So, now it's strike two! Failure to Allow Someone to their True Self.

So, yeah, isn't that fun? We failed to vote for someone's true self and failed to let them even be that.

So, why do I think Kazui's voting will affect Yuno?

Well, they're pretty similar, we know that.

They both are liars who have lied to satisfy others in a sense.

Kazui's voting is to see if we can allow someone to be their true self and be honest about themselves. He was beginning to do that when he took off his ring.

Kazui getting voted guilty means that we don't really care about their true self and their feelings, only their actions matter. None of their circumstances matter. (Hey, reduction of punishment by extenuating circumstances? What in the world, how did you get in here I thought that was only a Yuno thing)

Yuno is trying to show that she wants to be seen as her true self and we're forcing this man to continue lying.

So, guess what? Yuno probably won't show her true self if we're failing to even let someone be honest and vote based on their true self.

Yuno wants to be seen for who she is. And, it seems like we have an odd aversion to that.

So, Yuno will never find the warmth that will allow her to be true, to be herself. Hey, maybe she could die trying to be herself, who knows?

All we know is that we're deciding if someone's true self is worth seeing.

Judging by the current votes and what our judgments are based upon, Yuno will never be able to be herself. We have decided that it's not worth seeing anyway.

[insolentgod]

If you need motivation on your loa journey or are experiencing difficulties, this post is for you. warning: i still don't speak english fluently, so if I have grammatical errors it's for that reason.

hi guys, maybe I'm high! i was watching the trend on TikTok of Lana Del Rey's song "Margaret" (yes, maybe I cried watching some videos, but that's not the point!!!) and the song has nothing to do with manifestation lol. 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼

listening to a viral part of the song made me really want to come here and maybe motivate someone who needs it, so if this reached you, it's because you need it.

the part goes like this: "Because when you know, you know. When you're old, you're old."

and all I can think of is the law of assumption when I hear that. because WHEN YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW! your 3D only reflects when you KNOW THAT YOU HAVE IT. when I say I'm pretty, I'm pretty. when I say I'm rich, I'm rich. THE END, just THE END. there's no "but..." "I don't see..." "it doesn't seem like it's going to happen" baby, that really doesn't matter. just KNOW, know that you have it!!!! and WHEN YOU KNOW, you know. and when you know, you have it. it's simple, stop complicating things, it has to happen. and guess what? it will become reality because YOU SAID IT WILL, because you said it's THE TRUTH.

just leave the 3D alone, my life LITERALLY turned around when I left that damn 3D alone and believed in what >I< was saying. and I'm still a bit skeptical about some topics but I chose to give myself this opportunity to trust myself for the first time with my manifestations and take advantage of this chance to have my dream life, and I will never regret it. because when I TRUSTED MYSELF and said "I have this shit and I don't care if the world is falling apart around me, I still have it." that's when I finally had my desires.

gurl, I just want you to please, if you're struggling. leave the 3D alone! "but I'm manifesting my SP and he just married someone else" leave the 3D alone. "but I'm manifesting my dream body and the mirror is showing the opposite" leave the 3D alone. "but I'm manifesting making 10k a month and they want to evict me from my apartment because I'm behind on rent" leave the 3D alone (obviously do what you can to not be evicted from your home, don't be so crazy lmao). just focus on your affirmations, live in the state, visualize, WHATEVER FUCK IT. just trust yourself and work on your self-concept (because when you have a healthy self-concept, love, you have the world at your feet).

another part that I think is worth mentioning here is this: "So if you don't know, don't give up. 'Cause you never know what the new day might bring."

It's okay if you don't "know" and don't believe in yourself yet, you can definitely change that. just don't give up, if you know about the law of assumption it's for a reason. I believe in you and you should too, manifesting is so simple but so many people spend YEARS complicating it (I will never judge you for this, I have definitely been there several times) . if so many people have achieved their dream lives, give me a good reason why you can't achieve it too? the universe shouldn't hate you like that. just give yourself a vote of confidence and live in your damn imagination, i swear, I swear that if you live 100% in your little imagination, the 3D HAS NO OTHER OPTION but to reflect it. bro... this got longer than it was supposed to be. i'm sleepy and high, so that makes me talkative (unbelievable). but I really want this TESTAMENT to help someone, if it motivates one person, I'm already very happy. i'm thinking of making more posts, I don't know, I'm just sleepy. sleep well my loves and don't make me have written this for nothing.

[velarisvalkyrie]

Things that bother me most about the ACOTAR characters that keep me up at night - Rhys, Feyre, Cassian and Nesta Edition. Please do not atatck me I'm just sharing my thoughts to see if anyone else gets a bothered by these.

Rhysand:

Telling Azriel if he needs to fuck someone to go to a pleasure hall and pay for it was such an unneccesarily cruel thing to say to his "brother". I like Az but I no longer can see him with Elain after a few read throughs of the series but there was no reason for Rhys to be THAT harsh in telling him to stay away from her. Like that is how you're talking to someone you claim to love in your court where you apparently "don't pull rank" - yeah okay.

Not telling Feyre about her pregnancy. I do not care if he thought it was removing stress from her, he took away her choice to help be involved in finding a solution or at least prepare for the outcome ahead.

Enjoying Nesta being afraid of him at the start of ACOSF. I know he isn't her biggest fan but his mate loves her cuz that is her sister like dude you shouldn't get an ego boost from her fearing you. It's gross to me and such a toxic trait. Reminds me of real men I don't like.

I feel like Rhysand only gives people choices that he is able to orchestrate. When you read through all the moments he's giving someone options you notice they are mostly options that no matter how someone chooses it's gonna benefit him and/or his court and his court only. Or he puts people in positions where essentially they don't have a better option - the only better option is to agree with him. Does no one else notice that??? Should I make a separate post on that in better detail one day?

Feyre:

She hesitates before she interrupts Ianthe from SAing Lucien. And when she does interfere its cuz she thinks of what Ianthe has done to Rhys. Look, I do not care how mad I am at a friend - I do not care if it is the person I hate most, I could never hesitate to stop someone from going through the trauma of SA. Whether I love or hate you if I can stop it I am going to stop it.

Telling Nesta directly that one of the few reasons she's forcing Nesta to go through .... whatever you wanna call the whole training/house of wind/library routine - is because if Feyre and Rhys can't even control Nesta why should they deserve to rule a court. I understand this from a political point of view but I do not think that is a helpful way to talk to someone in such a bad state. If someone said that to me I would think to myself: So I'm just damage control you're doing and not actually cared about.

I know people love the whole Feyre in her night gown going to Lucien with a nightmare. But when you think about it more it's so dangerous to Lucien. Yes, I know Feyre listens to make sure Tamlin didn't attack Lucien after she left the room but what if he did and she was a second too late to stop it??? Not only would that leave Lucien harmed or dead but like what would that have done to Elain??? Would she feel it through the bond? What would have happened to her if Lucien died??? No consideration for Elain or Lucien in that moment.

Pointing out Lucien is hanging out with other people who don't have a home. That was a cruel comment. That was a comment not needed and maybe she said it cuz she was hurt he doesn't seem comfortable in her home with her famoly but what do you expect from him when everyone either treats him coldly or tolerates him. Like we have maybe 2 or 3 canon moments where the Inner Circle is being decent to him. Like yeah I'm sure he isn't comfortable. That's not even touching the awkward Elain thing going on.

Cassian:

"Everybody hates you!" Yucky. He knew Nesta was in a bad place and there were signs of self-loathing and he still said that. Then he wants to pout and whine that she doesn't open up easily to him or talk to him about what bothers her for quite a while.

Not having enough patience with her when she isn't ready to call him her mate. She's just gotten somewhat comfortable with being Fae and she just now is really getting a life of her own within Velaris. She did not choose to be Fae, she was just getting comfortable. She even tries to kinda explain to Cassian that the word mate would take away the last scrap of her humanity. She isn't even trying to be hurtful in that moment, she's just stumbling to explain why it was so hard for her to say "mate" and what does Cassian do in response? Not only does he keep demanding her to say it he also goes: "Well, I didn't have a choice in being shackled to you, either."

When Nesta comes up the 10,000 steps the first time and she has visible wounds that she's fallen. He couldn't take like five seconds to just "By the way, are you going to heal alright or are you in bad pain?"

Nesta:

Judging Feyre at the dinner table in ACOMAF when Feyre first visits with Rhys, Cassian and Azriel. So rude and snide and full of hate for no real reason. I love Nesta now but ohhh did I hate her in those first two books.

How she told Feyre the truth was bad. While I would much rather hear the truth even if it was meant to hurt me than to not have a single fucking clue what was happening to my body and my baby, I still did not like how Nesta went about the situation.

Telling Elain she may finally be interesting was just a tasteless low blow.

This is getting too long so I might do a Part 2 for the ones that have a somewhat shorter list: Azriel (still adore him) Lucien (yes, I do actually have some fair criticism of him despite being a clear Lucien lover) Elain (I have only 1 comment but if I put it in this one I feel people are gonna rip me apart) Mor, and Amren.

[photogirl894]

I can't believe I have to do this yet again...

Stop! Making! Hunter! The villain!!

He didn't give up looking for Crosshair because "he doesn't care". He wasn't hesitant going after Crosshair because "he doesn't care".

He DOES care and that's exactly why he wanted to go back to Pabu!!

They had ONE lead on Crosshair and it failed and they have no other ways to find him, if he's even still alive (as far as they know). They were all severely injured and in mourning over Tech...what the hell else is he supposed to do?!?! He has been trying SO hard all season to protect his family and even though he was talked into taking a big risk, it cost him his brother! He is in PAIN!!

There's nothing else for them to do and the only option left is to just quit while they're ahead. He can't lose anyone else. Besides, he also said "Wrecker and I" in regards to the decision of going back to Pabu. It wasn't just his decision!! Wrecker agreed, too!!

They have NOTHING to get them to Crosshair!! They tried and they failed.

Hunter DOES care and he cared enough to try. STOP SAYING HE DOESN'T AND HE'S JUST GIVING UP ON CROSSHAIR AND THAT HE'S NOT HONORING TECH'S SACRIFICE BY WANTING TO MOVE ON!!

I know we're all hurt and mourning a terrible tragedy; believe me, I was almost inconsolable last night and I cried myself to sleep...but I am SO SICK AND TIRED of Crosshair fans or even Tech fans always trying to villainize Hunter and not actually thinking about the situations!! I'm not saying this as a "biased" Hunter fan. I'm saying this as someone who understands the situation and actually thinks about things, not just hyperfocusing on one character and hating everyone! Hunter is justified in wanting to turn away and there's nothing wrong with that!!

Maybe I'm more angry cuz my emotions are all over the place, but this has also been something that's built up all season over several instances of people trying to make Hunter the bad guy when he's literally done nothing wrong!! And I'm just done with it. I'm not saying Hunter is perfect; I'm a fan who can admit he has his flaws, but he's not this terrible person I've seen some people try to make him.

I just...I can't. I'm tired of the negativity surrounding his character from certain sides of the fandom. I'm too broken right now and this is only adding to my heartache.

And if anyone wants to come at me and speak against Hunter or call out his actions or get after anything I've said, I'm warning you right now: DO NOT. I am highly emotional and I am on the verge of snapping and I don't want to end up saying something to someone I'll regret or hurting anyone's feelings. I'm not normally like this, but this finale has devastated me more than any show ever has and I'm not okay. So do not test me right now. I'll gladly cry over the finale with anyone, but if it's anything else that's negative, I will warn you to think twice before hitting that "send" button.

I'm sorry, I'm done. I just had to get all that off my chest and that's about all I can say without getting really riled up. I love you all and I'm thinking of all of you who are hurting as well.

[violet-jessop]

i had my first therapy session today.

90 minutes with a psychologist who i'm booked to see once a week for the next 5 weeks.

a friend asked me if i was nervous last night when i told her, and i had to think on it. i found i wasn't. it was strange because logically i think i should have been, but i couldn't muster any real feelings about it. i felt indifferent. resigned.

i know that's probably not what she wanted to hear, but i think lying in this instance would have just given her false hope.

to get to this point has been such a shit show.

self harming since a decade ago this year, suicidal on and off for at least for the last eight. tried to seek help in 2019 only to get put on 10 times the starting dose of some random antidepressant and told to fuck off with no follow up and automatically renewing prescriptions. stopped taking those after a year or so with no real improvement. things have just steadily declined.

last year was okay, probably the most okay i've felt for an extended period since 2014. but now it's almost worse because i saw it could be okay, and now it's not again.

finding a psych that met my needs was near on impossible. my only two criteria were trans (or just a queer person who i could feel like less of a freak with) and able to deal with SI - and that left me with one option via telehealth. booked in to do a 15 minute consultation with her she was 30 minutes late to the session, so i assumed i'd been forgotten. then when she eventually called she didn't even acknowledge it.

getting the mental health care plan from my GP was so degrading. i went to a different doc because i didn't trust the last guy who is just so happy to write prescriptions. but the new guy was no better. clearly thought i didn't need any of this, wrote maybe 2 lines on the mhcp documents, left most of it blank, didn't even bother to sign it. said he performed the k10 which he didn't. straight up wrote that i seemed fine based on "good eye contact and engages well". and he never even sent it to the identity clinic, i had to chase him to obtain a copy so i could send it off myself.

and today rolls around. we have our session. what was supposed to cost me 134 out of pocket cost me 250 unexpectedly, so after the appointment they had to call me several times because my account had insufficient funds because i only had enough for what they'd told me it would cost.

in the session she misgendered me. she said "as a woman with autism. oh, i assume you're she/her right?". which was wild as a psych who works for the "identity clinic" - where i had to fill in a million forms that included my pronouns in multiple places. where i had sent an inquiry to find out if they had anyone on staff who would suit a non-binary person with SI. and then the SI, where i mentioned it as something i'd like to work through, and she pretty much told me if i talk about that sort of stuff in a non-joking way she'll have to make sure i'm institutionalised. so i had to play it off as a joke. as hyperbole. the two things, such basic things i thought. so what am i here for again? is what's wrong with me so taboo i can't even pay a medical professional $250 to let me speak about it? is my soul so putrid? if anyone ever tries to force me into inpatient i'll put on a pine overcoat as soon as possible, that's not up for debate.

so we talked about other things, and i cried in front of another person for the first time in ages and it wasn't even cathartic it was just for the shame of admitting my failings out loud. and she told me maybe my anxiety is just autistic meltdown which i know isn't right, i know the difference. she walked me through diaphragmatic breathing like i was 5. she recommended i buy airpods and try burlesque. it reminded me of Jo telling me i should try drumming circles around the time of my first attempt.

so i suppose i was right in feeling indifferent. i had enough hope left to try, but not enough to be hopeful. i really don't have the energy to go through this all again. time is ticking down, 128 weeks at best. i suppose i'll give her another two sessions and see. but if she doesn't work out i think that's me done. how many times am i expected to try? it was already mortifying enough. i know Tal will be angry, but i just don't have it in me to keep doing this over and over. every failed attempt at getting better just adds more weight, reaffirms what i already suspected.

and the statistics of it. either i've encountered consistently bad medical practitioners OR the problem lies with me. at this point statistically it has to be me, there's just been too many failings. especially when i see so many friends drive the same road without issue. yet i keep hitting roadblock after roadblock. at what point do i just acknowledge that i'm a bad driver? maybe it's been roadblock after roadblock because there's nothing else, there is no good ending. i shouldn't be on the road to begin with.

[hongherbac]

[Serizawa centric] The Humanity of S&S - Chapter 3

Read it on AO3

Chapter: 3/6

Fandom: モブサイコ100 | Mob Psycho 100 Rating: General Audiences

Non-Romantic Relationships: Seirizawa Katsuya & Reigen Arataka & Dimple

Summary: Serizawa got a frustrating phone call, and his power didn't like that.

CW: emotional blackmail

Chapter 3

"Hey, Serizawa, don't you think that's a little bit too much?"

Reigen's voice brought him back to reality. The evil spirits had long since been destroyed to ashes under his power, leaving only the original possessed wardrobe, which was gradually burning black from the center, and even began to smoke due to the psychic powers.

Serizawa quickly withdrew his hand, "Right, right, sorry! I was distracted!"

The client came back from outside, "Why are you apologizing? How's the exorcism going? Is everything okay?"

"Oh, no problem at all! The evil spirits have been completely eliminated." Reigen greeted the client with a big smile, "It's just that, after all, the evil spirits are the embodiments of the dead with lingering grudges. Even though they need to be purified and eliminated for the sake of the living, we still have to pay them some respect. You see, this scorch mark is evidence of the spirit's ascension."

"I see. Thank you very much."

Reigen and Serizawa were on their way back to the city. As usual, Reigen had asked the client for travel expenses, but in the end, they either walked or took the bus. They had a lot of time anyway, but their income was inversely proportional to it. In addition, Reigen had always complained that his physical fitness couldn't keep up with Mob. He said that he should exercise more during the day, while going straight to the ramen store after work. As a result, only these little bits of stingy transportation time could dig this  lazy, pre-middle-aged guy out of his chair.

"Serizawa, what's troubling you?" Reigen said casually with his hands in his pockets.

Serizawa was startled. But it's Reigen-san after all. Of course Reigen can see right through him. Serizawa had barely slept last night and had nightmares after he finally fell asleep. Now, there were still dark circles under his eyes.

"Reigen-san… what should I do when I start to doubt myself?"

"Why are you suddenly thinking of such a heavy question?"

"Um, for example," Serizawa struggled, "when answering multiple choice questions, there are always two options left, right? Say, I've already chosen the answer B, but when I go back and check, I start to feel uncertain, and I can't help thinking that I should have chosen the other one."

"Huh?"

Reigen was expecting some kind of bigger problem, not something as trivial as a pop quiz. Being so concerned about exams and grades, surely Serizawa was still just a junior high school student inside. It might seem trivial from an adult's perspective, but it was indeed the main focus of student life, and also an important source of confidence.

"Ah… I understand. That happens sometimes. And if I later realize that I made the wrong choice, I would feel so regretful and think that I should have chosen the other one."

"Yes! Besides, if I keep hesitating, time will just keep passing. I've already wasted a lot of time. It's scary to think that I might spend it on the wrong options again."

"Uh-huh. Time constraints can be very stressful."

"What would you do if it were you, Reigen-san?"

"Well, I've never really cared much about such things." Reigen scratched his head, "It doesn't really matter. It's just a small part of life. Even if you get it wrong this time, you'll learn from it next time, right? Your diligence, and the effort you've put in, won't be shaken by this. In any case, I won't look down on you for that."

"That's very wise, Reigen-san."

"No big deal." Reigen tried to play it cool, "Let's stop by a convenience store before we get back to the office. I'll buy you a snack. No more than 200 yen."

They passed by one. Reigen told Serizawa to go in first, as he needed to withdraw some money across the street because ATMs in convenience stores charged a service fee.

A cool breeze came from the refrigerated shelves. Serizawa relaxed. Every time he talked to Reigen-san, even if it was just for a few words, he felt relieved and his thoughts became much clearer. He felt a little guilty for his doubts and thoughts of quitting his job, as if the wavering had not only affected him, but also offended Reigen.

He browsed the shelves, each product beautifully packaged, all designed to attract customers. To others, they looked ordinary, but Serizawa liked them. It was amazing how many colors there were in the world.

Bzzz… Bzzz…

The cell phone in his pocket vibrated, and he took it out. It's Mom.

"Hi, Mom?"

"Katsuya, I heard you turned down the job offered by President Ito?"

Serizawa was so shocked that he almost dropped the phone. He felt as if his stomach had suddenly been hollowed out. He quickly asked, "How did you know about this?"

"Ito-san just called the house. His voice sounds so young, but he acts very mature. I wish you'd learn more from him."

"How did he get our house number?… No, forget it. What did he say?"

"You should be grateful. He said a lot of nice things about you, and he wanted to invite you to his company. But you didn't accept it! What were you thinking? It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet such an outstanding person who appreciates you so much."

"But, Mom, I'm really happy with my current job…"

"Katsuya, you are still such a stubborn child, just like always." A heavy sigh came from the other end of the line, "Mommy had never understood what you're doing… You say exorcism? How am I going to tell people about this? I can't even hold my head up outside. You should grow up. Stop thinking only of your own feelings. You have to look at the bigger picture."

"No, it's not just about the feeling! I'm not losing control of my abilities now. I can use my power to help others, and I'm doing something meaningful. My boss and co-workers were very kind, and they care about me."

"… You mean, that scary ability?"

Serizawa felt dizzy.

"Since you can control it, it's better to hide that dangerous thing."

"Mom, stop."

Clatter. Clatter.

"What do you mean, 'stop'? I'm saying it for your own good. Do you know how hard it is for Mommy? After your father left, and you became like that, I've had to handle everything at home alone. I've even thought of taking you with me."

"…"

"Then we met Suzuki-san. What a wonderful man, who took you out of your room, and taught you how to return to society. But just a few years later, you said, ‘I've made a mistake, I'm quitting,’ and started doing those strange things instead. It's all because your father was away, and I was too busy making money to teach you well. How else could I have raised such an ungrateful child?"

"It's not like that! You got it all wrong… Please leave me alone."

Clatter. Clatter.

"Why are you so mean to me?" The woman's voice sobbed slightly, "How could I possibly leave you alone? You're my son. Of course I want you to be happy. But you're always like this. Other people's children are taking responsibility for their parents. I don't want you to be like a normal person, but at least don't let me worry about you all the time, okay?

Serizawa was about to retort, but he swallowed his words when he heard his mother sobbing.

"Just go work for President Ito, alright? Mommy won't hurt you." Bzzz. "Let's quit your job today. It's work time. Your boss should be around. Give him your cell phone, and let Mommy talk for you-" Bzzz. “Katsuya, are you interfering with the signal? Mommy I…home…can you hear me…ahh…emd…“

Snapped. Serizawa closed the phone, his heart pounding wildly as he felt the blood rushing to his head.

-Bang!

The muffled sound of something falling made him look up, only to realize that all the items in the store were shrouded in a faint purple light, trembling uneasily and violently on the shelves, almost being shaken off the ground. It was the overflowing emotions that unconsciously activated his psychic power.

Serizawa hastily reached out his hand, trying to retrieve the energy. However, his hand was shaking. The energy is turbulent.

Don't shake. Control it, before you get everyone into trouble. He gripped the wrist with his right hand. Clatter, clatter, clatter. Things shook even more violently. Packages of potato chips fell to the ground, then floated back up. Other items also floated up slowly, and the rebar groaned as it was dented by a powerful force. Please, stop. Widening his eyes, almost panicked, he tried even harder to contain the whirlwind of energy, but it felt as if the power had a mind of its own, slipping through his fingers like a flood, hissing to be released. He knew what would happen next. A familiar sight that had long been absent. It was going to be bad. People would get hurt. They would scream, cry out in fear. So,he can't let that happen. He MUST control it.

He couldn't. Serizawa was almost exhausted, but  it seemed as if he had forgotten how to use his powers, like he was falling into a deep, black hole. On the contrary, the purple energy kept pouring out, on the verge of exploding. He was desperate, screaming helplessly inside. Please, stop.

Please, somebody stop me.

Whoosh-bang. With the sound of the umbrella opening, he felt a shadow rise above him, blocking out the blinding pale daylight and most of his vision. The world suddenly became a small place. The umbrella wrapped around him. It felt small, dark, bare, but simple.

Suddenly he could see nothing but the smooth, grayish-white fabric of the umbrella, and the expressionless face of Reigen.

Things fell back to the floor. Shelves creaked with relief, and lights wobbled. In the distance, there were some rapid footsteps and frightened gasps from the clerk. But under the protection of the umbrella, those sounds felt very far away.

"Are you all right, Serizawa?"

Reigen held an umbrella for both of them which he had taken from a bucket a few seconds before. His voice showed no emotion.

"Reigen-san, I…"

"I know. No need to explain now. Did you get hurt?"

"No."

"Good. Everyone is fine. It's just a few things falling off. Don't worry."

"Okay. I'm really, really sorry…"

"As I said, no need to explain now." Reigen gestured for them to head outside. As they passed the counter, Reigen put some bills and coins on the table, covering the cost of the umbrella.

They stepped out of the convenience store. The sun was shining, but it was cool under the umbrella. Cars were rumbling, and the crowds were milling. Muffled conversations blended into an indistinguishable white noise. Nothing was affected by the commotion in the store. Serizawa had always concentrated with a furrowed brow, giving his all. He must be facing some very difficult problems that even his psychic powers couldn't handle… No, at times like this, his strong power might be a burden instead.

Reigen had never seen him look so miserable. Even when he encountered the most powerful evil spirits, even when he was confronted with the uncontrollable and simply unbeatable Mob, Serizawa had always concentrated with furrowed brows, and gave his all. He must be encountering some very difficult trouble that even couldn't be handled with psychic powers… No, at times like these, his strong power might be a burden instead.

People couldn't hear when they were overwhelmed by emotions. Reigen patted Serizawa on the shoulder, told him to leave work early and get some rest. Serizawa replied in a low voice, took the umbrella from Reigen and walked away in a daze.

"We should have a chat tomorrow." Reigen muttered to himself.

Serizawa returned to his humble apartment. He inserted the gray umbrella into the bucket, right next to the old transparent umbrella he had been using for years.

He didn't turn on the light, and the curtains had been drawn for years. Though it was not yet night, the room was dim. Instead, he turned on the game console and picked up the well-worn controller. The screen lit up, with rough pixelated graphics flashing intermittently.

Game after game. Virtual characters never grew tired, but the person playing in reality did. Barely sleeping last night, Serizawa hunched over in front of the TV, feeling his body getting heavier and heavier, his eyes sore, his concentration breaking sporadically, and the mistakes becoming more and more frequent. The clock seemed to be moving very slowly, but when he looked back, it suddenly jumped a long way forward. He unwrapped a carton of drinks he had bought earlier, absentmindedly realized that he had forgotten to buy the snack. He also forgot to buy dinner. Even forgot to go to night school.

Serizawa rubbed his eyes, trying to refocus. It was not that he cared so much about the score of the game, but it filled his mind with those sound and light effects.

The night was getting late. The already unlit room did not seem to get any darker. The clock showed two-thirty. He really should go to bed - especially if he wanted to be able to go to work tomorrow. But a resistance overcame his reasoning. He started the next game again. And then the next. And then the next. It seemed that if he stopped to sleep, tomorrow would come right away.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow he would have to get out of his room, head to the office, and explain to Reigen-san about his loss of control and the early departure. He would have to call his mother and apologize for hanging up so rudely in the heat of the moment. He would also run into Ito-san at the night school, who would surely ask him about his considered decision.

Took a deep breath. He could do it. He had been helped by so many people, and he had come so far. He couldn't go back anymore.

He should leave his umbrella in his room, and walk out the door with just his briefcase. He could no longer rely on others, but had to face the world on his own, maturely and independently. A world that is so wide, so sprawling, without any boundaries.

He could do it.

He HAD to do it.

… Just one more game.

[rainbow--skies]

I don't talk about my food allergies much on here because them being the One Thing half my classmates knew about me growing up and the excessive paranoia my parents shoved on me about them genuinely makes me hate doing so, and I also don't really PERSONALLY consider my allergies a disability (but I have no problem with other people doing so).

However I have noticed that whenever they get included in disability posts on here, it's always by people without food allergies who have barely any idea what the fuck they're talking about. So many people (including people with allergies!) are SO uninformed about how they work and it's worrying so here's some stuff I wish more people knew:

An Epi-Pen does not cure you it helps with some of the symptoms so you can get to the fucking hospital. You still need to go to the fucking hospital.

Food allergies CAN kill you- many people's are not that severe but they CAN kill you. Take them seriously please

Your little "haha people with food allergies are the weakest link" jokes are harmful and offensive and part of why so many people don't take allergies seriously. Stop it. You're not funny. Find a better joke. So many mainstream TV shows even do this it's disheartening

Many people with food allergies also have eczema (I used to when I was younger) or asthma (I don't but I know people who have both), the comorbidities are very common, but not universal

Airborne allergies are not very common at all and usually do not cause severe reactions and it's weird to me that people act like this is common (it kind of feels like excuse to isolate people with food allergies when food is being served sometimes) but if someone has said they do not want to be near their allergen at all you should respect this you do not know what someone's symptoms are

Cross contamination is also something not everyone suffers from (some people have low level allergies) but many of us do (including me) and you should not get offended if someone doesn't accept food they can't see ingredients/health info for or homemade food for that reason

You can be allergic to any food to any degree- people seem to have this weird misconception that it's just peanuts, nuts, dairy, eggs, and other more publicized foods but that's not true at all

If it's possible, ask people what they would prefer as an accommodation when food is being served PLEASE. Some of us would rather eat before, some would rather bring food, some would rather alternative options be offered or restaurants they can eat at be chosen. Some are fine sitting near people eating stuff we can't, some would rather sit in a separate space, and some would rather if the food was just not eaten when they are present at all. Myself and many others that I know actually would rather sit next to someone eating something we can't because it doesn't actually affect us to be near them if we're careful enough not to touch it than to sit at separate "allergen free" tables and such because it's a socially isolating experience, but there are people who would feel more comfortable eating away from others and this is okay too.

Many of us are only allergic to one or two things, some are allergic to a ton

There are less common types of allergies that don't follow the typical pattern of food allergies- as an example I have some allergies that come from oral allergy syndrome, which basically means that my seasonal allergies to certain types of pollen makes me slightly allergic to some fruits and vegetables too

Food allergies can sometimes randomly develop in teenagers and adults, they are not always there from birth or early childhood like many people think (though it's incredibly common for them to start that early). There is not a guarantee you will never get one but your chances are higher if your family has a history of them. Sometimes they can go away or decrease in severity over time too, though, but that does NOT happen to everybody

Lactose intolerance and Celiac Disease are not food allergies! They are separate conditions with separate symptoms and needs! Please educate yourselves about those too and not assume they are synonymous with food allergies

[fluffypotatey]

Okay I know I keep calling Macky all smol and cute and shy and he lowkey gives off those vibes, but his actual stated issue was not having the confidence to put his foot down and state his opinions in a way that everyone would listen. He never raised his voice and just was that person surrounded by so many people, yet still alone and cut off from the group, just following along with the one who was more extroverted and captured everybody's attention. Anyways, this is all to say that for so long we kept thinking Macky always runs, I mean everybody says it. Even Peng. Present day Macky uses his shadows to intimidate, but apparently he wasn't using his shadow form to scare people back then. I find myself wondering if the reason he talked to MK about making your own decisions...it doesn't quite cleanly match up with the War on Heaven. Like, if he was like "yeah I don't like this. Y'all have fun tho." That doesn't erase the consequences, and the issue was speaking up. I get it means "stop always following Wukong wherever he goes" but that ALSO doesn't erase other *hypothetical issues* on how the Brotherhood and Wukong would react. (Something I'm still concerned about bc how DID they react when he ditched them? That scene Tang sees with Azure had a dark, oppressive aura. Between that and Macky's opposition over Camel Ridge, Peng implying he knows how to sniff Macky down. I am concern.)

Maybe if he said he was backing out, Wukong would've been surprised enough to listen, but insistent, and if they kept going, and Macky really stood his ground, he may even have doubts. But then Azure and Co. could just as well reel him back in and create a nice juicy conflict of loyalties, but point is. What if it wasn't Macky's decision to run? Azure was treating Wukong like a warrior fallen in battle, a leader fallen in battle, in a way that was shattering the pedestal he was placed on. Was it really Macky's call to run? Or someone else who made the decision for him.

Cowardly maybe, but he always came back. He's always been loyal. Is the person he was in the past the kind to make ruthless choices like some army generalfleeing for the greater good, cutting their losses to try again? I mean honestly, leaving Wukong? What he's GREAT at is never telling Wukong the real story. Never defending himself when people accuse him of anything. Even now he doesn't answer to the "what about you- you just come back?"It would not surprise me if the answer to "cause normally you just rush to my rescue" wasn't just a matter of falling into the trap of thinking Wukong was too strong to need help, he never put up an image of that, wanting to be the strongest, but also a matter of "I'm sorry I couldn't, I was ordered to retreat." The Warrior always listens to the most commanding presence in the room. Never making his own choices. Thinking of Option A and Option B, never seeing he could have an Option C. And it's all deliciously wrapped up in the horrors of how, sincerely, getting punished alongside Wukong, he would not survive the furnace, (if kept in LMK) how this time, while Wukong's jab was right, it had an unfortunate extra layer of an additional factor between the two bread slices of Macky's communication issues.And the tasty angst of "everytime Macky chooses to rescue Wukong, it's to make up for what he couldn't do before even if he complains." "...there was nothing that could stop the two of them. Not on Earth or the Celestial Realm..." Except for the Jade Emperor. I need to know his thoughts behind this still. We know he cares enough to do stupid things for Wukong, now. And enough to leave the Brotherhood because he still had faith in him despite their fight. Still loved him, despite the "I never want to see you here again!" Question is, that enough for, in that singular moment where retreat seems to be the only option less they fall too, to ask. "What? We can't leave Wukong! You're the ones to came to our mountain to ask him to be your king! Everything he did was for you!" <-- evil parallel dialogue ^_^ <- also guy who doesn't realize Wukong meant it when he said "us" it did include him, and it wasn't just to get strong for the heck of it. <-- pairs nicely with guy who doesn't realize his friend thought he was already enough. "It doesn't always have to be you, he needs to know it's not all on him-" Wow, that history sure do be repeating.

i personally hop between the “the Brotherhood fled the second Wukong had his back to the wall and deemed him a failed weapon, but Wukong only saw Mac leave” and “Mac, already not on board with the plan, left the moment he was surrounded by celestial troops he could not overpower”

and both still fit with Macky’s whole “i never gave myself a chance to really choose my path and stand my ground, believing there was an inevitable one i was meant to follow”

he is a fun character to study because a lot of his actions s1-3 is him still upset that his path isn’t up to him. and then we get to s4, Macky finds his previous belief shaken and thrown out the window no thanks to MK, and he finally realizes that he never needed to follow the predestined path. all the choices and lines carved for him that he felt he could not escape in the past, were ones he did not need to abide by despite how much it felt like he should. he saw, first hand, MK shatter LBD’s well-ironed destiny because he refused to be beaten into submission into choices he did not like

and he is able to help work MK through that as well (in future seasons) and drag him out of his learned helplessness. also, how his teachings with MK complement Wukong’s??? how we see the same message repeated by Wukong in 5x03 but in a slightly different way. this just proves to me that shadowpeach mentorship is real and where both monkeys will fall, teaching MK from their learned mistakes and strengthening hi resolve

[asdfghjklfancat]

I just watched Gravity Falls for the first time recently, and I related so damn hard with Mabel!!!

Part of my response to trauma is age regression and dissociating into my own fantasy world to not have to deal with reality.

Unfortunately, I can't grow and HEAL without working through my traumas. If I can't heal, I will perpetuate the abuse that was done to me. I find myself responding in ways similar to the person who abused me because I am triggered.

I can't stop the cycle of abuse if I don't work on myself. If it was only about me, I wouldn't care about getting better because it's hard, and I'm coping semi-okay without having to put in any work.

I get better because I want meaningful relationships, I want kids, I want to exist with other people fully without having a breakdown because I've been in reality too long.

Mabel cares about the people around her. She might have difficulty with selfishness at times, but she's 12 and doesn't realize it's hurting people until she's already hurt them. She also has the ability to ask for what she needs but sometimes doesn't think about what people might have to give up to meet her needs in the way she is asking.

I am autistic and really relate to that. I try to ask for what I need, but sometimes, I don't consider how that would impact others. I've had people in the past just do what I'm asking and snap when it hurts them because they thought I did it maliciously. I simply did not see it from their perspective.

I've learned to ask if there would be any drawbacks to fulfilling my needs in this way and, if so, how to brainstorm a solution with the people involved.

It doesn't make the times I didn't less hurtful, and it doesn't mean I won't make any more mistakes.

It means I took the truth that I hurt someone and grew from it. It means I didn't want to hurt them by miscommunicating, but I also wasn't going to let them hurt me from the miscommunications.

The solution was never "don't ask for the things you need" it is "there is a better way, you have to keep learning".

To grow up is to learn

To grow up is to make mistakes

To grow up is to change

To grow up isn't to avoid the truth. It's facing the truth and trying to do better for you and others.

The truth is disheartening

The truth is scary

The truth is unfair

The truth can be a problem, and ignoring problems never makes them get better. It only continues to hurt.

It will take a lot of work to heal. I will have times where I question if it's worth it and sink back into old habits. I deserve the chance to try again.

I deserve the belief that I can do different this time, for us.

I can do it for the people I love

I can do it for the people I will love

I can do it for the people I have loved

I can do it for the people I have hurt

I can do it for total strangers whose day might be a little brighter

I can do it for my future self

That is the choice Mabel made that Bill Cipher thought took a will of titanium to choose.

Mabel chose friends. Bill Cipher didn't consider that an option.

Community with others is always an option, you just have to face the truth.

You will be wrong sometimes

You will hurt people

You can choose to apologize

You can choose to change

The truth is in both sides of the story, yours and the person you hurt. You just have to look for it.