#okay not like... constantly actively in love
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୨୧ Poly!7Dream x Jisung ୨୧
| pairing: Poly!7Dream x sub!Jisung x Dom!gn!Reader
| warnings: 18+ MDNI. NSFW link. Orgy activities. MLM behavior. Corruption kink. Bondage. Nipple play. Forced orgasms. Overstimulation. Two instances of tickling (I’m personally not into tickling, but it was applicable here…… This won’t be a common thing in my fics tho).
| words: 3.6k
| aurora's note: squad, this was supposed to be about 500 words max......... idk what happened........... for my followers, this goes into the sooah au... for those who are new, welcome lmao <3
"You can hold my hand, baby, it's okay."
Jisung could be frustrating from time to time. His dedication to his job made it difficult to find free time where all seven boys and yourself were available to hang out and spend quality time together. The boys were always so busy... Mark and Haechan were out of the country more often than not, and with 127 schedules going on the back burner, the Dreamies were so busy that they were hardly home with you anymore, and that sucked-- It hurt, and they all knew that. When they were home, they tried to make the most of it, showering you with love and attention so that you had enough love in your heart and good memories to last until the next time they'd be able to hang out with you. But Jisung... He was pressuring himself too much again, constantly practicing around the house, going to the office on free days for extra help from his vocal coach or his choreographer, and he was at the office before the boys' schedules then stayed late past their schedules. You hated that. It felt like he was choosing to work instead of being with you and the boys, because he was going out of his way to work and rehearse instead of taking a break to relax in your arms or playing video games with Haechan.
“He’s been at it for two hours,” Jeno complained, wiping his palms over his face as he sighs. “How’s he not exhausted yet?”
The boys had practice starting in the morning, so of course Jisung headed out early, and they finished practice around 6PM, but Jisung stayed until 8PM when his choreographer finally sent him home… At which point Jisung continued practicing in the free room at the end of the hall. That had been his schedule for the past three days straight. The boys were sick of it. You were sick of it. While the seven of you were watching movies and tv shows together in the living room, Jisung was always upstairs, playing the same chorus over and over and over again—
“I’m going insane! Can we just tie him down or something so he finally fucking rests?” Haechan said, annoyed.
Even though he had been joking, it wasn’t a bad idea. Jeno perked up first because he was the one who was most eager to get Jisung to stop, and once he started looking around silently for back up, Mark and Haechan moved too, then Jaemin was at Jeno’s side. Chenle groaned as he stretched and mumbled, “Finally,” before pushing himself to his feet. The last two to give in were you and Renjun. The other boys’ reassurance to you were smiles they tossed in your direction as Chenle swung his arm over Renjun’s shoulder and started dragging him along upstairs while they conversed quietly in Chinese.
“I got the ropes,” Jaemin said.
“Grab the gag too,” Haechan commented quickly, just before Jaemin dove into his bedroom. “I’m sick of hearing him yap all night ‘cause he’s still wired with energy when we’re all exhausted…”
On your way to the extra room that had turned into a temporary practice room for Jisung, Jaemin gathered the materials needed for the night. Mark pocketed his phone as you all gathered outside of the door. He told the boys that he pulled a few strings so their practice the following day was delayed until after lunch, meaning they could have their fun and sleep in without worrying about any consequences.
“And this is why we love you, hyung,” Haechan teased. He wrapped his arms around Mark’s neck then started hanging off him. “What’s the plan?”
“I can distract him,” you offered.
“I can grab him,” Jaemin said, passing the ropes to Jeno.
As Jeno accepted the ropes, he contributed with, “I’ll tie him up.”
“And then what?” Renjun questioned.
“We tire him out,” Chenle replied with a grin.
With a series of nods from everyone standing in the hallway, you pushed the practice room door open to reveal the loud music Jisung was dancing to-- From downstairs, all you could hear was the obnoxious bass and the thumping of his footsteps, but the second you were in the room with him, the full force of how loud he was actually blasting the music suddenly hit you like a slap in the face. Once Jisung noticed you, however, immediately rushed to pause the music. His face was flushed from overworking himself all day. Sweat dripped from his dark hair, his glasses were all fogged up, and he was panting through his plump, swollen lips.
"Sorry, was I too loud?" he asked.
Well, the answer was yes, but that didn't matter so much with the boys anxiously waiting outside for their moment to jump him. So you shook your head and approached him. His blue hoodie was soaked in sweat, and his black gym shorts were barely clinging to his hips; you figured the safest place to touch him was his bare waist which wasn't too sweaty.
You shook your head. "No... I just missed you today... Wanted to hang out with you for a bit." When your cold hands made contact with his warm skin, Jisung hissed under his breath before gulping down his reactions. "Did you miss me?"
He nodded.
"You sure?"
He pouted and nodded some more. "I'm just really busy right now, I don't really have time to stop and--"
"And hang out with your partners?"
Jisung fell silent.
"It's okay," you cheered him up with a smile.
Jisung's eyes met yours again, giving you the perfect opportunity to kiss him passionately, your hands still glued to his hips so that he couldn't escape. He teased you by biting your lip. In return, you chuckled and started unzipping his sweaty hoodie to remove it from his body, which he surprisingly didn't protest to even though he was very adamant that he had no time to waste. In the midst of Jisung's habit of closing his eyes while kissing, the boys snuck into the room quietly, and you turned Jisung slightly so that his back was to the door, leaving all of his focus on you. Just as Jisung leaned further into your body and moaned into your mouth, Jaemin grabbed his hands that were headed for your hips.
"Wha--" Jisung pulled back. He looked around, confused, startled. "Hyung, what--" Despite Jisung's attemps to wiggle out of Jaemin's tight grip, his hyung was far stronger than him, making it impossible to escape. He looked at you for help with those big eyes of his.
Haechan approached and started kissing Jisung's exposed collarbone from behind until Jaemin rolled his eyes and pushed Haechan out of the way because he was in the way of their plan, which included Jeno stepping forward to help manhandle Jisung onto the floor so that all the boys could work together to hold him still while Jeno tied Jisung's wrists to his calves so that he was forced to sit down with his legs spread. Jisung whined and continued to thrash around. He asked silly questions and look around for help, but he was outnumbered. All of you were on the same page that he needed to let loose and that you were desperate to spend time with him, even if that meant restraining him to make it happen. To keep him quiet, Haechan took the gag he'd requested and he stuffed it into Jisung's mouth then secured it with the straps that wrapped around his head.
“Hyung, there’s duct tape in my desk drawer,” Jaemin said in Mark’s direction, prompting the eldest to hurry to his feet and scurry to Jaemin’s desk drawer. He dug around for a few seconds before returning with a roll of duct tape. Mark eyed Jaemin suspiciously. “It’s for wire management.” Jaemin took the roll and pulled the end up with his teeth before he began wrapping the sticky side around Jisung’s feet to keep him for kicking anymore. “And for tying Jeno up—“ Jaemin chuckled as Jeno reached over to smack Jae upside the back of the head. “Hey! It came in handy! Look!”
Jaemin patted his work then leaned back. All eight bodies in the room stilled as seven of you stared at the sight in front of you. Wow, Jisung really was handsome. Of course you knew that perfectly well already, but it was times like these where you were specifically reminded of it because there was a lull in excitement and all of the focus was put into every detail of who Park Jisung was. From his fogged up glasses, to his shirtless torso that showed off his hard work via his toned abs that he kept hidden from the public because he only ever wanted you guys to see all of him— He really was just a mini-me of Mark sometimes; to his erection growing in his gym pants, to the ropes tied expertly around his arms and legs… He was perfect. He was amazing. You needed him. Every inch of him. Always.
Haechan laughed as he tickled the bottom of Jisung’s feet to get the reaction he wanted where Jisung jolted, his body tensing, his eyes shooting wide, and desperate, muffled pleas were panted behind his gag. When Haechan did it again, Jisung’s feet fought against the tape, but he had nowhere to go. His struggle was in vain. That right there was the best part— Watching the moment he tried his best to free himself but couldn’t… Watching as all of his defined muscles worked in tandem to find a solution that would never appear.
Jisung pouted and slumped. His breathing was heavy thanks to Haechan who had riled him up, but also because he was anxiously watching all of you, waiting to see what you had in store for him.
“Do you remember what you said to me this morning before you left for work?” Jeno finally began the interrogation.
Jisung looked up through his lashes and vaguely shook his head. He was being extra cautious, you noticed. Perhaps he did remember but didn’t want to confess because it would only land him in more trouble— Or maybe he really didn’t remember and that was why he was so confused to have ended up in the position he was tied up in.
“I told you that you needed to say goodbye to everyone… That you needed to find a way to spend more time with us.”
Jisung gulped. So he did remember.
“And you said, ‘What does it matter?’”
The fear in Jisung’s face was nothing in comparison to the anger washing over half of the people standing in the room. He had said what?!
“Let me at him, hyung… I asked him to play basketball with me two days ago and he ghosted me,” Chenle said.
“You’re ghosting us now?” Mark questioned.
Jisung shook his head adamantly, his eyes pouting and his eyebrows raising like he was trying to tell you something, but it went unsaid.
“He talked back to me, so I get dibs,” Jeno said, which forced Chenle to back down. “But you can help.” Now that brought a smile to Chenle’s face.
Jisung squirmed some more as the audience closed in on him. Renjun went to his side first to ask something about safe words and if Jisung remembered how to put a stop to this even with the gag in his mouth. Jisung nodded. That seemed to ease both Mark and Renjun who were a bit uneasy about ambushing Jisung in the first place. Renjun shifted slightly so that he was at your side instead, leaving plenty of room for Jaemin to take his spot because his job was to try to keep Jisung still while Jeno took the lead and Chenle followed by sitting opposite Jaemin.
"Are these sensitive yet?" Chenle flicked his finger over one of Jisung's nipples. Jisung moaned and rolled his head back against the wall. "They are..." And he did it again.
Jeno ran his palm over Jisung's erection in tandem with Chenle's teasing, and when Jisung jolted upright and pulled against his restraints, Jaemin jumped into action by pressing his hand on Jisung's bare chest before pushing him against the wall. By the time you could bring yourself to pry your attention away from Jisung, Haechan was already kissing Mark who had his hands on Hyuck's hips to keep both of them steady so that they didn't fall back onto the floor. Hyuck was a bit aggressive. He was trying to sit on Mark's lap, but Mark fought by using his grip to roll over on top of Haechan who moaned when their crotches touched over their pajama pants.
Renjun whined beside you. He was looking for attention too but three of the boys were busy with Jisung, Mark and Haechan were busy with each other, and Renjun was getting hard watching everything happen around him. You pulled Renjun onto your lap and slid your hand under the waistband of his pants. He shifted slightly to accommodate your touch. You moaned into his ear once you got a hold on his cock, his pre-cum already leaking onto your hand; and he moaned in return when you used your free hand to hold his chin to make him watch what was happening in front of you where Jeno had fished Jisung’s dick out of his shorts and slowly started jerking him off. Jisung moaned happily.
Though he seemed to dislike being ganged up on and tied up, the fact that Jisung was finally being touched after you’d worked him up in the first place came as a relief to him. You matched Jeno's pace. Whenever he jerked Jisung off fast, you went at the same speed on Renjun-- Both of them wiggled their hips, Renjun struggling adorably in your lap-- and when Jeno slowed down, you teased Renjun's tip until he was begging you for more. Chenle contributed to Jisung by pinching his nipples over and over again as an added measure of stimulation to get Jisung off. Poor thing had incredibly sensitive nipples. All of you liked to take advantage of that because he made the cutest noises when his nipples were teased; but Chenle was doing it with the sole purpose of getting Jisung closer to the edge.
"Jebal--" Jisung moaned behind his gag.
Jeno pulled his hand away from Jisung's cock. While Renjun anticipated you to follow suit and was prepared to beg you to continue, you actually didn't stop touching him. He wasn't being punished like Jisung was. There was no point in edging him and torturing him, which came as a relief to Renjun who continued to moan your name and thrust his hips up into your fist. Beside you, Haechan and Mark were finally going at it like they were in their own world as they rubbed up against each other and Haechan was adjusting to ride Mark's thick thigh.
When Jeno restarted his motions, everyone else continued too. Jaemin and Chenle played with Jisung's nipples, you jerked Renjun off faster, and Haechan was biting Mark's bottom lip to pry more moans out of his hyung. Jaemin did something mean where he kissed Jisung's cheek to keep him distracted momentarily before he pressed his index finger over Jisung's sensitive tip to gather up some of his dropping pre-cum before smearing it over the gag Jisung was wearing.
"Jebal, jebal, jebal--" Jisung moaned as he came.
Renjun's body toppled forward, his hands on your knees, fingernails digging into your skin. "C-Can I--"
"Cum for me, sweet boy."
Jisung's body was still shaking through his orgasm when Renjun hit his peak too. As Renjun's cum leaked down your hand, Jisung's cum painted his stomach and hit Chenle and Jaemin's hands, and both boys were watching each other as content to really make their highs hit harder, as if they were watching porn or something. When there was nothing left to milk out of Renjun, you slowed down before wiping your hand on his thigh then pulling away entirely. He slumped against your chest. For a moment, he caught his breath while watching Jeno who didn't slow down or stop playing with Jisung. The poor guy realized what was happening just as his orgasm faded and the overstimulation began.
"Hold still, Jisung-ah," Jaemin cooed tauntingly with a tigher grip on their maknae.
"Some help would be nice," Chenle called over to you and the three other onlookers.
You inched forward with Renjun still resting on your lap so that you could corner Jisung even more to make it really noticeable that there was no escaping the nipple stimulation or the fact that his cock was still being played with after he'd made a mess. Jisung whined pathetically. He looked around for a savior, but the only two who could have been any help-- Mark and Haechan-- were still preoccupied with each other. You looked down to see Jisung's cum frothing between his straining cock and Jeno's pumping fist-- And much to your surprise, Jisung wasn't softening. He was still hard, and he was leaking cum bit by bit by bit.
Haechan finally sat upright. His brown hair was a mess, his cheeks were flush, and his cum left a wet spot in his pants, and there was another wet spot on his thigh where Mark had cum too. Both of them panted as they looked around to catch their bearings.
"You guys aren't helping," Chenle scolded.
"Sorry," Mark apologized, completely dazed.
Haechan and Mark crawled over to find empty spaces for them to squeeze into. Haechan, to have fun, tickled Jisung's feet again, which set him off with another serious of muffled moans before he opened his eyes long enough to glare at Haechan. That earned him a pinch to each of his nipples.
Jisung started squirming harder and whining louder the closer he got, almost like it was a warning to everyone in the room with him that he was about to tip over the edge if you kept messing with him. The only problem for him was… the seven of you knew exactly what you were doing. You wanted him to cum. Again. And then maybe again for good measure— And fuck it, another time after that. You wanted to pry as many orgasms out of him that his body could provide, and even then you were sure that you could get a dry orgasm or two in there for your entertainment.
Shaking his head, he mumbled behind the gag, "I can't."
You ran your fingers through his hair comfortingly as you cooed, “Shhh, shhh, shhh… You can hold my hand, baby, it’s okay.”
Jisung did just that. His hand grasped yours desperately— Well, he tried to find your hand but kept slipping to your wrist which he held with an iron-tight grip as his hips squirmed some more in an attempt to get away from Jeno.
“I’ve got you,” you said.
A loud moan echoed through the room as another orgasm was forced out of him. His cum leaked onto his chest in a pathetic stream which Haechan caught with his fingers so that he could have Mark clean it up. Both Jeno and Chenle worked Jisung through his second orgasm, Jaemin tried his best to hold him still, and Mark and Hyuck were back to kissing each other. To everyone's surprise, Renjun leaned forward on his knees to roll his palm over Jisung's sensitive tip.
"Hyung!" Jisung cried out behind his gag.
Jaemin put more pressure on Jisung's chest to hold him still for the last minute or so that they continued to bully him with overstimulation.
"Okay, okay," Mark said, pushing Haechan off him in order to catch his breath. He licked his lips. "We should get cleaned up."
"He has one more in him, hyung," Chenle complained, his fingers still playing with Jisung's nipples.
Mark observed Jisung for a moment. His body was slumped with exhaustion, his head braced against the wall, his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to bear the way Renjun was torturing his tip. He looked exhausted. After working long hours and practicing so much, you'd already milked the rest of his energy out of his body-- For lack of a better word. You pulled Renjun's hand away. When Jeno noticed, he brought his movements to a halt and shot Jaemin a look which told him to release Jisung who panted the second he was shown an ounce of mercy. Chenle, despite what he wanted, obeyed Mark's orders and your silent lead.
"Let's get him out of these," Hyuck said.
Everyone moved to undo the restraints. Jeno's knots were tight, but the ropes were loose around Jisung's limbs, making it easy to wedge the knots loose before untying them altogether. Meanwhile, you moved your weight onto your knees so that you could reach over the boys and take Jisung's gag out of his mouth. He gulped through a heavy breath.
"You okay?" you asked.
Jisung nodded tiredly. "Ne."
A wadded up ball of duct tape made its way into the trash in the corner, thanks to Renjun, and when he returned he had Jisung's water bottle in hand so that once Jisung was free he was able to take slow sips that Mark monitored closely.
"You did good," Mark complimented.
Jisung blushed. "Thanks, hyung..." He turned to face away from everyone.
"I'm going to get him in the shower. You smell disgusting," Jeno said.
"That's what rehearing for thirteen hours a day will do to you," Jaemin added.
Jisung set his water bottle down on the floor. "Okay, I get it, I need to relax with you guys more. I get it. I'm sorry." He hooked his arm over Jeno's shoulder, then on the count of three, he was lifted to his feet. He put all of his weight against Jeno because his legs were shaking and his body was exhausted from the overstimulaton.
You stood to kiss Jisung gently. "Sleep in my bed tonight?"
He nodded.
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#op#fanfic#jisung#mark#renjun#jeno#haechan#jaemin#chenle#sooah thoughts#nct#nct fanfic#nct smut#nct dream#nct dream fanfic#nct dream smut#jisung fanfic#jisung smut#mark fanfic#mark smut#renjun fanfic#renjun smut#jeno fanfic#jeno smut#haechan fanfic#jaemin fanfic#jaemin smut#chenle fanfic#chenle smut
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Okay, fun fact about me, I have chronic pain in my chest from when I fell and (most likely) fractured one of my ribs in the 6th grade. I never told my parents how much it actually hurt so I never went to the doctor. This, combined with some other undiagnosed physical problems, has left me with quite a lot of really painful pain in my chest and arms.
Now because I haven't been officially diagnosed with anything, I'm not gonna pretend I have any authority here, but here's some Viktor headcanons based on personal experience.
Viktor from Arcane has chronic pain, just all over his body because his tissue is calcifying and turning into bone. But today I'm focusing on his chest. Viktor has lung problems, most likely from when he was living in Zaun and inhaling Grey 24/7. That's our basis.
S2 SPOILERS IN THE LAST ONE
Until he figured out the cause he has flare-ups often from under-activity. It wasn't as much of a problem when he was in the Undercity because he spent more time moving around, but once he joined the Academy he spent all day at a desk. Once he figured it out, he spent more time moving around.
Singed also has chronic pain but didn't care enough to teach him about it. But Viktor's smart, he put two and two together really fast and copied a lot of Singed's methods and home remedies.
Some times he tries to redistribute the pain by pinching the opposite side of his body or biting his finger.
Whatever's wrong with his lungs went undiagnosed until he collapsed in season 1, everyone thought it was the bone thing.
He gets tremors occasionally in his left hand, which isn't his dominant one, but still inconvenient.
When Jayce found out he got really weird about it. Not because he thought less of Viktor, but because his love language is physical touch and he was trying to make sure he didn't accidentally hurt him or something. It took Viktor like a week of reassurance to get him back to normal.
Gets awful migraines that can last all day. Usually, taking one above the recommended dosage of migraine medication and laying face down helps.
Heimerdinger told him to keep a journal of anything notable for himself and the doctors to keep track of, but Viktor's so used to letting things pass that he constantly forgets to update it.
If the Hexcore didn't literally steal his emotions, he would've freaked out over how weird it felt to just be... fine. Like nothing hurts anymore wtf is happening
"He just like me fr," I say as I press my face against the TV and sob over robo jesus
#viktor arcane#arcane viktor#jayce talis#arcane jayce#arcane singed#arcane heimerdinger#headcanon#arcane headcanon#chronic pain#disability headcanon#arcane league of legends#viktor headcanon#jayvik#if you squint
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#was looking at some old hs pics with one of my friends today#and They™ where of course there#I've lived my life and it wasnt always as strong#okay not like... constantly actively in love#But in the back of my mind it was always The#m#and like... I've truly been in love with the same person for almost 10 years now#and no one else has ever been able to compare#and honestly in one sense that's kind of poetic?#on the other hand wtf i hope im not still pining after them in 10 years#that'd be yes poetic but also very sad#Will i be 35 and living somwhere alone in my flat#thinking fuck they were my one person#and I wasn't theirs#?#it feels impossibile sometimes#Like I feel in my bones this cant be the end#Like ive always felt in my bones that one day we'll end up on the same path#But on the other hand there is absolutely zero guarantee of this#But what if I just cant fall in love with anyone else?#wouldn't that be just cruel
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Guys. I did not know before now that writing could be painfully millennial in a full prose book but the pho*nix ke*per has proven me wrong and I have to complain about it in the tags
#k talks#weird astrix is because I don't want this showing up in the tag just in case#but I NEED To complain about this book real quick. I love a magical zoo that part was fun but good lord the main character....#I get what the author was trying to do with her arc and I will say the second half of the book is better than the first but Jesus christ#I hated the main character at the start she is SO annoying. not to be mean I know the whole point is her overcoming her anxiety#but like. I swear to God every two pages was just oooh I'm so awkward I'm such an introvert I'm such an awkward scrawny turtle!!!!#like CONSTANT. even worse though she's mean about it. for like half the book she's just so incredibly judgy at her public outreach job#she literally works at a zoo and has to learn hmmm... zoos need money??? zoos are also about... educating the public??? WHATT????#also it just felt so weird because she is constantly talking about how pale and skinny and pasty and scrawny and white she is#like constantly. and her best friend is a black trans woman who CONSTANTLY coddles and supports the mc in a very maternal way#and her love interest is latina-coded I'm pretty sure and is much more confident and opinionated and is literally described as fiery once#so like. hm! Okay! interesting! Interesting stereotypes going on tbh!!!#the mc learns some lessons and gets slightly less insufferable but like. also it was SO predictable I always knew what was gonna happen nex#and the writing style... like I said above it is MILLENNIAL and not in a fun way. the word boop is used several times. the humor is awful#the main character has multiple conversations about being so uwu bottom even though there's no sex in this book??? why??#and every single character description is repeated OVER and OVER with the same two details. SO much telling basically no showing#the writing was just so... quirky. ooooh look at me I'm awkward I trip over things I can't do make-up I love sitting on the couch!!!!#like. idk. obviously a lot of people really liked this book and I SHOULD have been one of them. Sapphic romance at a magic zoo....#but the execution was just so incredibly not my thing it actively pissed me off even if I can see what the author was trying to achieve#maybe I just don't like cozy fantasy. man. there was a bit where a guy should've gotten eaten by a kelpie but didn't. so maybe too cozy#for my tastes actually. which is weird I feel like I should enjoy cozy fantasy! especially about animals!!! but maybe this was just a fluke#anyways. to be clear I am not trying to make fun of the MC for having anxiety. just the overall way her social awkwardness was WRITTEN abou#really bothered me. idk man I'm a neurotic freak as well but I try to be NICE about it. and I have the correct zoo opinions. so.
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Not to make “tag vent sunday” a thing but Idk how I can go from having a great string of days where I feel happy and confident to just. Randomly fucking dropping. And feeling like the actual worst.
#okay so here’s the thing#QB and I have been doing lil activities online lately#which helps him with his stuff he has going on and helps me to not feel fucking lonely all the time#bc i had another hangout friend but I Very Much Screwed That Up Tee-Bee-Aych#so I’ve been late to most hangouts. i constantly have little issues pop up where I’m so sure I’ll piss him off#friday night like an hour into the hangout I went ‘idk how to say this but like i recgonize I’m being quiet and if you want me to talk more#please lemme know’ and he told me that he was having some worries attached to that so we talked things out and it was fine#ITS ALWAYS FINE#AND SOMETIMES THAT IS WHAT PUTS ME ON EDGE OR MAKES ME START FUCKING CRYING (off call) WHICH IS EMBARRASSING TO ADMIT BUT LIKE#LOOK I LOVE THAT HE’S PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING. ONLY OTHER PERSON I KNOW WHO HAS THAT LEVEL OF CHILL IS MY ACTUAL PARTNER#BUT I’M SO FUCKING SURE THAT I WILL SCREW IT UP TERRIBLY. LIKE DISASTROUSLY.#SO LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? BECAUSE PART OF MY BRAIN IS TELLING ME TO JUST GHOST EVERYONE AND RUN AWAY#SO THAT I CAN AT LEAST CONTROL THE OUTCOME BUT LIKE#I REALLY WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH QB AND WB AND BB AND I’M STRUGGLING SO HARD WITH THIS#like lowkey the thought of screwing up in the same way I always have is literally painful and my chest is killing me I just—#god I fucking hate this shit#can I get the stardew heart ranking system please?? so I know exactly where I stand all the time???#I don’t necessarily trust people to tell me what I’m doing wrong until it’s too late
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Finally finished sweet tooth s3. Having incredibly mixed feelings
#love the show. love it a lot. about to be a bitch in the tags anyways#it was. so so messy. they needed another season so bad. the alaska trip took up so much of the comics#and that was with the previously established cast#in the show they introduced a million new characters. gave us no time to get to know them before they were thrown head first into the plot#and condensed an arc that was almost half of the comics into the span of like 5 episodes#my boy singh. oh how they massacred by boy#i mean. okay. in the context of the show the arc wasn't horrible for him.#but i think his survival in the comic and his dedication of his life to making up for the mistakes of his past by helping people and hybrids#would've been so much more powerful than his random self sacrifice at the end of the show.#bc honestly it just seems like another impulsive act in his moral flip flop he'd been having for the last few episodes#rather than active choice to be better#and honestly i wanted to see his delusional paranoid religious breakdown from the comics put to screen so bad#it would've been great#i do like that he turned against zhang the second she started trying to talk about rani. that shit slapped#the several fake outs about Jepp's death were so stupid and unnecessary and repetitive#why are you baiting everyone. you're going to piss off the hardcore comic fans waiting for his death and confuse the show fans#either commit to killing him or stop pretending like you're brave enough to do it#why did they flip back so hard into the mystical vaguely eco fascist backstory and outcome of the comic#after spending two seasons trying to build a more scientific and less 'humanity must end' story for two seasons straight#they tried to make it seem less 'humanity must die' again at the end by ending the virus#which i guess might've been the best outcome available considering the source material and the limitations of it's ending#but idk. it felt weird#the writing this season was so much less subtle. it felt like the characters were constantly monologing directly at the camera#nothing could be left unsaid everyone had to say exactly what they meant#and it was all moral lessons the writers were trying to feed directly to the audience#i feel like they wrote themselves into a corner at the end of the last season#and they expected to have at least one more season to write themselves out of it before the ending#and if not. if this was the plan since the beginning. literally what. WHAT.#can not imagine the people who wrote the last two seasons sitting down and writing this#it won't let me add more tags but i have more thoughts. many more. tumblr is silencing me for speaking the truth /j
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a basic human right to privacy and solitude is just as important as being in community and being able to socialize
#I know that american individualism is a plague but My God I literally am so fucking deeply completely utterly goddamn burnt out#From being constantly unendingly forced into close proximity to other human beings every single goddamn moment of every single goddamn day#And holy fuck. God. Please. I fucking beg. Oh my fucking god like I'm legitimately so so desperate for any amount of peace and quiet.#God I beg. On my actual hands and knees. I want away from all these animals that aren't mine. I want away from all these people and noise.#Fuck me I want to be able to afford to live alone. God damn me. I don't need to live lavishly or even eat every day I do not care at all.#I want space. I need it. Prolonged lack of access to actual privacy and space is actively eroding me I can feel it more and more every day#Okay. Vent over. Time to deep clean my room with headphones for as long as my disabled already aching body can tolerate#Also um lmao I fuckin' hate the stupid rhetoric about how humans neeeeed to be social. America neeeeds to be forced out of individualism#Like yeah. But all goddamn offense I'm forced 24/7 to share space with humans and I can stand it but god fucking damn it cannot be constant#And it has been so rare in my experience that anybody I know is actually privileged enough to move away from home or be away from people#Like I'm fucking tired. I'm wore out. I'm over it all. I'm so autistic. I love people. Genuinely. That's the point of life.#But fuck I need time away. I just do. This isn't good and I can't stand it.
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one of the prev posts I was like oh cql? on the url and they WERE cql...but their top tag was...bad....but I don't even have the energy to refute their nonsensical arguments for it because like that's not what shipping really is about but also THEY REALLY THINK JC IS *THE ONE* TO MAKE WWX HAPPY AND LWJ IS BORING???? incest aside like jc makes wwx MISERABLE jfc canonically yeah lwj does make wwx happy and jc is left miserable and alone due to the consequenves of his actions including actively tormenting and mocking and humiliating and trying to kill wwx. go die mad about it 😭
#like 'wow their love for each other is so crazy and all-consuming its insane to thibk some boring lan cultivator could do that for him'#WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!!! their relationship is so unhealthy and marred by debt and obligations in the FIRST PLACE#and even without that yeah there's love there but they also just don't see eye to eye on so many things and jc actively impedes#wwx in things he wants or believes in and also treats him like shit like this is fully a sector of the fanbase who are just making things u#in their own head to enjoy#which would be mildly annoying if not for the fact that it's 1. INCEST#and 2. between two characters with THAT kind of history. wwx needs someone he can like...trust..#okay I guess I donhave the energy. I'm less angry at them calling lwj boring. yeah he is kind of boring but that's fine#wwx canonically doesn't think so and canonically is very happy w him#these bitches think his arguably abusive extremely immature and volatile pseudo-brother who tortured and tried to kill him is BETTER FOR HI#?????? brother jc is not better for ANYONE. there's loving someone and there's wanting to be around them and shit. like there's so much#history there it's lucky if they can even be friends again#like 🤢🤢🤢 what the fuck are you on. the narrative was pretty clear. media comprehension -100000#I don't even think this person is unintelligent or anything they just have incredibly bad and nonsensical taste#or at least used to. idk how old those posts were I fully admit#wwx with anyone besides lwj is a hard sell but jc is beyond insane for multiple reasons#even if you 'don't see them as brothers' which is an interpretation I guess they still have a horrible relationship#and jc makes wwx feel terrible bc he has a bad personality and blames wwx for all the most painful things that happened to him and he lashe#out constantly. like he canonically makes wwx miserable and forces him to prioritize jcs own emotional and physical needs. by the end he's#a little better. but he's also not the moral beacon wwx gravitates towards. he's pragmatic and callous#wwx NEEDS someone he can trust someone who shares his principles someone who will take care of him and not demand him to crush inconvenient#parts of himself and play nice. to cater to someone else's feelings#like...structurally they're so well matched this post was insane I hate c/x shippers so much 😭#cor.txt
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Both Robin and Sunday would be the type to gift their significant other smth they could keep on their person at all times. For possessive reasons, but also bc they totally put a tracker in it-
#✮┆ ( .ooc. );#//I love Rob sharing certain tendencies with Sun to an extent#//Like this#//Both do it mostly bc they wanna make sure they can always keep track of their treasured one#//So if they need help; they know where to go at moment’s notice and save them#//They will NOT lose anybody else. not EVER again#//Tho Rob would actively go out of her way to tell them that it’s ok to have a tracker on HER#//Bc she thinks it’s cute; always being in the know of each other’s locations#//Like sharing yer location with yer s/o nowadays#//Sun might not be so eager for that to be reciprocated tho#//Bc he has his secrets and things to do he wants them to be unawares of#//Both feel much reassured as long as they can keep track of their s/o’s location#//The moment they can’t they will PANIC#//Rob might play it cool and shoot off a few subtle texts to see what’s up; try and gleam the answer of them without saying it#//Sun would just#//SPAM TEXT IF THEY ARE OKAY ANS WHAT THEY ARE DOINGf then play it cool and say he got a sudden bad feeling#//Both would have Very distinct reactions to being found out#//Rob would actually be apologetic and explain herself calmly; that she constantly worrieS#//That its Exactly why she welcomes them having her location too; bc it’s Reassuring#//She doesn’t even really make an effort to HIDE it hide; more just never SAYS it—if they asked; she’d spill the beans p quick#//Sun might actually dig himself a deeper hole & give a fucken sermon on his life than say how anxious & worried being apart makes him#//But can be encouraged to speak his mind if his partner keeps a cool head; otherwise it could go Bad for them both real fast#//Both are willing to negotiate alternatives; tho Sun might have to agree kicking and screaming#//But they are willing nonetheless
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honestly fine with gale as far as how he responds and feels about counter violence to the capitol like i get why katniss is like i hate how he treats innocent human beings like they’ve personally responsible for his suffering and doesn’t know about taking a life up close like she’s right but also he’s thinking big picture during a war and doesn’t help most of his thoughts about the capitol or said war are proven right - like when he’s like is it safe to have everyone gathered here at the hospital and katniss is thinking yeah this can’t be healthy or encourage healing and he’s thinking no they’re gonna be targeted bc they can’t run and are useless for capitol use and bam what happens. he’s right in his own way half the time but what annoys the fuck me about him is him being like so pushy about his feelings even when he KNOWS katniss is completely oblivious to that kind of stuff and keeps blindsiding her with it and getting mad at her for not knowing what to do with that info even with the fact that she found out at like. the worst time of her life when she was stuck in a situation she would have a very hard time getting out of safely with everyone she loves and holds it against her she cares about peeta at all and the whole you only care about me in pain and all i could think is i’ll never compete with how much pain peeta is in so i lost it’s like so you understand how katniss operates is mostly out of concern and worry romantically wise bc she hasn’t had a chance to care about this shit outside of like oh who i am hurting/killing with my choices and then are STILL like im gonna kiss her then stop bc she’s obviously not into it at the moment for the right reasons and it’s like kissing drunk i get he’s like a teenager and is a dumb shit but also leave that girl alone for the love of GOD
#personal#like sorry! i’m gonna like peeta more where they have scenes#where katniss actively seeks him out after nightmares and refuses to let his hand go#where they spend their last free day just hanging out and cuddling and she’s like okay. to letting this moment go on forever#when she thinks about kissing him she’s like yeah it felt nice and had a suprising heat and i miss it now that i can actually think about#and in general seems like every moment isn’t spent feeling super guilty or worrying about his feelings#like that’s a large bit of it but more circumstancal than like. something that would happen with peeta#but with gale katniss is like i just want my friend back i feel bad i hurt his feelings like this#how can i make him feel better i wish it was like before and she’s constantly throwing out olive branches#and gale is upset with nearly choice she makes so yeah i get why she’s like okay yeah ill kiss him see if that helps#and in her mind it’s like peeta equals the capitol getting what they want and that path#holds so much danger and just. acceptance of the awful life ahead of her#so even if she does talk about his long eyelashes at length i could see why she’s like confused about feelings for him#and gale seems like okay picking him is picking a different life even she’s not actively picking him for him#does this make sense i don’t know but i get peeved during gale katniss scenes like give that girl a BREAK.#she’s been through two hunger games is obviously fucked up dealing with a lot of background drama and obviously cares about the people#around her stop being so fuckin mean#like they have nice scenes but it’s not their romantic scenes for sure#she feels safe with gale wants him around and they have nice banter but he keeps fucking it up with this i love you crap#even when he realized he likes her like damn.
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Me rewatching True Detective, fully knowing of the fact that I'm incapable of being normal abt anything, and finding myself getting increasingly more insane about it as the days go on: ah look it's consequences of my actions
#this is why theres certain things i feel like i can never rewatch/reread again bcs they will take over my life#generation kill? i keep delayinf watching it even tho i rly want to bcs i know its just gonna take me over again#i didnt think id get obsessive abt true detective#bcs when i watched it the first time i noted that it had a fandom but didnt get into it at all#so im like yeah okay this is safe to rewatch! i like it a lot but its not gonna make insane#guys. i regret to inform you i feel insane.#lol also sry this whole break has been me rediscovering old fandom loves#so i keep having to be like 'WHY DID I GET BACK INTO THIS'#its just a stop gap i think tbh#BUT WHY DID I GET INTO THIS SO SOON BEFORE F1 COMES BACK UGGHHHHHH#also i think another factor is that have no one to talk abt vett/onso meta or AUs with#so my brain is just constantly searching for smth to latch onto#i keep getting sucked into old things and rediscovering my love#and its all very fufilling but ah man it makes me feel so insane ig#love bursting out of its seams and all that#haha just hoping tho main fandom will be a bit more active and communicative once it starts up again#stop my eyes from wandering anf all that#but anwyays yeah. i feel sooooooooo crazy abt TD#every time i watch another ep my brain is like 'man i wanna rewatch from the very start again'#im very loath to finsih things yknow?#theres a difference btwn completely starting smth over when you finish it#and savoring the world youre in before finishing it#yeah you can watch smth an endless amnt of times. but theres smth abt existing in that space btwn the start and the end#but aaaaghhh every aspect i just am so desperately into it#catie.rambling.txt
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me anytime i see a poll asking how you view your dad or how it’s okay to hate/dislike your dad as someone who loved their dad and misses him
#i understand these posts are not targeted towards me#but jesus christ#im just so tired of seeing the mass public disliking dads and constantly reassuring people it’s okay to not have them or to not love them#as i’m actively going about each day missing mine and crying#like i understand it#but jfc i’m so sick and tired of the entire narrative around dads being they all suck and are awful#kelly babels
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*pokes head in* Hello do you have any opinions about Zarya or Moira to share possibly
I have BOTH but sense I fear long posts I'll just do Zarya for now...
One aspect about them I love
She's so nice!! I know that sounds really boring but I think about it all the time because like! How easy is it to make Big Russian Lady also big scary big serious. Zarya is super kind, she's even more friendly. I think about her interaction with Alejandra from Searching a lot. It's clear she's a very patient, nurturing person to me. Kind and careful.
One aspect I wish more people understood about them
I feel like out of all the character's, Zarya's the one the fandom has the most universal take on. I don't see a lot of variation in how she's written between fanon content, so I don't have anything to put here.
Headcanons i have about this character
Lesbian queen we love her
A really big fan of cute things, has plushes and cute tea sets. Likes to show them off
She bakes!! Cakes and cookies and brownies she's a real pro
But she can't cook actual food very well.
One character I love seeing them interact with
I'm so incredibly Biased but Lynx!!! Lynx17 her sassy Gay They/Them!!! NBLM WLW Solidarity!!!
It's in part just because I love Lynx17, but also because I love seeing Zarya soften up at an Omnic, they are her friend, human, Omnic, or otherwise. I'd love to see more of them in the future breaking down Zarya's biased, and also bullying her as she deserves. They're a good dynamic; Smarmy Twink and Himbo Lesbian.
One character I wish they would interact with/interact with more
Firm believer in Zarya/Roadhog besties!! They are Big Buffs with a love of Soft Cute Things and Omnic Trauma and I just think!! They should hang out.
It goes hard with my age regressor Roadhog headcanon as well I think she'd make a very good caregiver for him on top of just. Being a very good, healthy relationship for him to have.
Lynx17 fixes her Omnic Bias, she fixes Roadhog's Omnic Bias, Roadhog fixes Junkrat's Omnic Bias, and then Junkrat and Lynx17 make out really hard. Is this too much to ask for?
Headcanons I have that involve them with other characters
Well I just said my biggest one with her being Regressed Mako's main CG. I want to see her carrying him on her hip with one arm like it's no big deal. It's what he deserves.
I think she gets along really well with Cassidy, in a "This is my weird little brother" kind of way? She picks him up like a kitten and pats his back too hard when laughing at his jokes
Brigette looks up to her (has a littol crush on her?) and they work out together!! Zarya also likes to watch Brigette work sometimes
She's oddly soft to Bastion. She refuses to comment on it, but it's because he acts a lot like her baby niece back home
She's the only one (other than Junkrat) to laugh at Winston's puns genuinely, though a handful of them go over her head
Reinhardt likes to challenge her to arm wrestling matches, he's yet to win one, but they've called a draw a handful of times
I think out of everyone she'd get along the worst with Torbjorn. Not for anything he does, just because she can't take him very seriously.
#Overwatch#Headcanons#Thankyou for asking#There's a very unfortunate string of OW character headcanon posts on my blog#From back before I played the game but was active in the fandom#And I ask anyone reading this not to look at them okay? Cool#Focus on the here and now#I'm gonna stop dodging around my Age Regressor Mako headcanons because I LOVE them#And idk. I wanna talk about them???#People are weird about a Big Guy being an Age Regressor for some reason though#But I love it I love him Baby Mako he's constantly in the mindset of someone half his age and every once in a while he's just a littol guy#I love him.#Zarya's very good I played her for a while in OW1#I'll probably never pick her up in OW2 tho (not that I think I'll ever play it)#sense I really relied on my second tank as Zarya back in those days#But she IS very cool and very pretty and I like her a lot#I think she'd respect Efi more than Torbjorn this is my take
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Horribly easily to tell if my dads drunk
#vent! annoying vent!#like. the fact that everyone’s mood is ruined being a massive flag aside#he has so many tells he thinks he’s slick lmao#voice slurs and sticks at certain points#nasally. very nasally#he talks over you and starts sentences multiple times#repeats a lot of points#it sounds like he’s constantly on the verge of a cough#and he’s just a bitch in general#the very regular tells of a drunk person but I think it’s easier for me to notice now#idk I used to think he was just tired and snappish as a kid then I discovered the concept of alcohol and ojhhh. so that’s what does that#to be fair he used to take me to alcohol warehouses. when I was not even in middle school. I shit you not#I think? I dunno starting from the point where I realized that my brother indulged in a wee bit of cocsa my memory kicks the bucket a#little bit everyday#whatever idc. I say. whatever#yea I think there were alchohol warehouses? I don’t. I can’t find any when I google them now#they don’t look like what I remember so it could just be me trying to fill in the gaps with what I have#but I know he used to take me and my sister there to get Jack Daniel’s or whatever it was#I still think about that one really bad fight we had when he was drunk#I asked him if he loves me at all etc if he cares about me beyond my grades#and he just gave me one deadpanned long look and said no#like. ok okay ig? thanks for the answer king i loved that#another fight we had. well. no it wasn’t us fighting he fought with mom#their fights r the reason im more active at night and hate sleeping tbh#anyways I ended up locking myself in the bathroom and screaming myself hoarse because I couldn’t just fathom why he seems to just. hate her#which he doesn’t. I don’t think he does. they love eachother they really do but it’s like miserable at times#esp when he’s drunk#like I had my mom asking if me and my sister would be happier if we moved away from him#I don’t remember what I told her I was honestly more worried about if she’d be happy and if she could support us#ope. tag limit. Penis penis balls cock
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#it's probably the period talking#or the approaching birrhday#but#i just wanted to say#that if by some miracle you are reading this#i loved you#i love you#and i'm pretty sure i always will#i don't think love goes away ever#anyway just wanted to say i'm very proud of you and i wish you all the love in the world. so many people who know how to love you#to actively love you. who tell you the truth in order to help you and who take care of you and who care for ypu#and i wish you to know how to actively love others as well#i know you do. i just wish that you never forget how to#also it is okay#everything has been forgiven#although any kind of a kind gesture would also be very very appreciated#but it is okay#i know you are trying#or at least i think you are hahah#anyway please do take care of yourself because i genuinly enjoy being alive at the same time as you#i think that was one of the posts i kept on liking every evening back then#i must have been so annoying hahah i worry about that constantly#but you know it is what it is#so yeah if someone else is reading this by any chance. hi. i'm so sorry. also i wish you nothing but love either. the enduring kind#i don't have as much of an essay for you so just you know hi.#also again to all it my concern i apologize for every misstep and the hurt and thank you for having me#i don't know i just keep on feeling i need to say sorry and thank you#anyway nevermind
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they will need to whipstitch the wound closed, but embroidery is a "woman's" task. they will need to eat and clean and mend clothes, but why learn basic things when you can have a woman measure out your life in beads. he will be the "head" of your house, but if you want him to act accordingly, you must assign him a list of all applicable activities. you will be otherwise constantly in charge of almost-everything; so he will lead the house he is absent from.
in movies and books, the "cool" girl will be more-like-a-man. she will be "less boring," more "fun". she will have masculine ideas and masculine talents, which means a man doesn't have to change in order to find her fascinating. she will disdain of something as simple as stitching. how boring!
she will kick open the door of a car and quip what, girls can't drive? and flip her long hair down one side. she will grill and shoot a gun and skydive. be a guy. she will be sexualized.
somewhere, working on computers becomes a masculine task, and now on tv a gen-z disney character throws her hands up in the air. i can't be a computer science nerd, i'm a girl! in the real life, she will be unable to sit through some of her classes, shivering when she realizes she is the only woman present in several of them.
how many times have you read this book and seen this show and watched this movie. the singular woman is allowed 5 lines because she's not just smart! she's also pretty! she is surrounded by 20 average men, but she is stunning. she is the exception to the bland, pale lives of women-at-home, who will never be shown. she likes dirt and motorbikes and blood and shows up in a tiny dress during the final scene, rolling her eyes at our male lead's incredulity - just because i like motorcross doesn't mean anything. i'm still a woman, okay? i actually like shopping.
it is almost never reversed, and you think about that often. it is vanishingly rare to have a single man in a cast of women. the male love interest does not show up at a feminist march and sardonically squint at our leading lady - what? you thought only women care about human rights? he does not know how to balance a checkbook or kickbox because i grew up with three sisters.
when he cooks he is a chef, which is sexy. when he cleans, he's being kind, genteel. when he nurtures his family, confetti rains from the ceiling. when she does these things: it is her duty and her identity. what do you mean she has other passions and hobbies? isn't her hobby and passion homemaking?
the other day a friend embroidered a seam closed on your jacket into the shape of ivy. every time you touch it, you think of her.
something about women's hobbies and art and skills. something about women's work.
#this makes no sense bc i got too mad :)#writeblr#warm up#i'm workin on something else as a thank u to a friend :) just up early and#honestly thinking of fuckken eloise from bridgerton#she was like. 80% the antagonist this season. girl . ''oh nooooo colin is engaged to penny!!''#girl shut up ur a feminist and ur friend is standing there saying shes about to be SOLD
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