#okay levi is not buffy

[sugarlywhispers]

Lol i have a lil drabble finished and ready to be published with Endeavor, but people is sooo angry with him rn that im kinda scared to publish this 🤣🤣🤣 i guess ill wait a bit 🙈

[doctorcurdlejr]

Niko!! what'd you think of I saw the tv glow. I finally saw it last night and noticed you posting about it so I wanted to know your thoughts :)

Levi!!! I was JUST wondering what you were thinking about the movie after I saw you posting about it as well... we are so media discussion pilled in this way, it's awesome. ANYWAYS I've had so many thoughts since I first saw it and I've been trying to turn them into something coherent for a little bit now.

Ummm okay I have written 1k+ words about this movie, the suburbs, and escapism via teen TV.... clearly I was dying for somebody to ask this I guess so thank you for indulging me <3

First and foremost, I absolutely loved it! I've seen it twice now and the first time I watched it I got to see Jane Schoenbrun talk about the film right after. I already really liked it from that first watch alone. I found it so deeply relatable to my experiences - both in terms of growing up gay and trans, but where I am now in my 20s trying to navigate adulthood. Hearing what Schoenbrun had to say really cemented my feelings and thoughts about the film.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a big influence on the movie (it's why Amber Benson makes a cameo as Johnny Link's mom). Even though I don't have the same emotional link to Buffy since I never watched it, I recognize it as the same type of warmth I experienced growing up with Riverdale. When Owen says he feels like his insides have been scooped out but that he's too afraid to look and have that wrongness everybody knows is there be confirmed, Maddy simply responds "Maybe you're like Isabel. Afraid of what's inside you." Tears forming but not falling, breathing shallowly, I grabbed the paper and pen the theater keeps at the seats for people to order food with and wrote that line down - the slip of paper is still somewhere in my car. Writing it now almost feels lame in its simplicity, but it felt like my insides were being flayed open.

During the director discussion, Schoenbrun talked a little bit about this idea of how truly fucking bizarre it is to grow up in the suburbs. Like, when we think about the pinnacle of normality in American culture, it's the image of middle-class cis-hetero-white suburbia. At the same time, despite this cultural dream of normality, everybody is hyper-aware that the suburbs are one of the least normal things ever. So, the ACTUAL cultural understanding of it is that it's where we go to, like, passively kill ourselves (*George Costanza voice* WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY YOU KNOW!). This idea isn't new, I mean there are so many films and shows about navigating that specific bizarre dissonance from Rebel Without a Cause to Heathers to Twin Peaks. Probably half the pre-teen to teen TV I watched obsessively growing up, stuff like Strange Days at Blake Holsey High, Making Fiends, Truth or Scare, and eventually Riverdale, were never shy about being weird and morbid and saying "yes, the suburbs are exactly as bizarre and lethal in the ways you can already feel in your bones at 13." I Saw the TV Glow does a really good job of keying not only into that mental dissonance but more specifically into how those of us who have felt so intrinsically weird and different and wrong fell back on these shows like they were capable of doing the emotional version of a rescue breath maneuver after being drowned.

In high school, if there were two things about me that any person who even vaguely knew me could list off it was that I watched Riverdale, and I was a lesbian - and I was mocked more for the Riverdale. At that age, I was, without a doubt, the most miserable I have ever felt in my life. I rarely left the house because my family lived in a development that made me want to scratch my skin off when I walked out our front door. Owen didn't leave the house for days, afraid Maddy could somehow force him out. I sobbed constantly and frequently to depressing indie rock on the floor of my closet while hoping my family would just once read the (honest to god) KEEP OUT poster plastered on my door since I didn't have a lock on it. Owen didn't leave his room for days, afraid of what Maddy recognized in him. I didn't go on dates and kept my chest binder shoved to the bottom of my bookbag while wearing dresses that could've come from a how-to-be the perfect 50s housewife manual. Owen didn't leave his bed for days, afraid of Maddy touching his neck and Isabel's dress. I also watched Riverdale with the kind of zeal you see in a Pentecostal who has found God and started speaking in tongues to let you know it. I own a button that says, "Don't Make Me Go Dark Betty On You," I cherish it in a way that is only achieved by knowing exactly how corny and trite it is and then moving straight past that because well actually, and most people wouldn't get this, she's holding back something deeply dark and wild and- and disgusting. something painful yet intrinsically her. but i get it, obviously. or maybe not obviously! hopefully not obviously, but- basically, I'm just saying I get it: the experience of reflection and recognition through the other and all that.

Whatever, the point is that this movie is one big glaring trans allegory about how it sucks dog shit to live in the suburbs, and even at our most repressed we find these little snow globes of actualization in the glow of a tv screen that isn't afraid to show you the world you see. I've seen some people say that, like, in this context accepting or coming into your transness is this monumental death of self, which I get, but I feel there lacks a nuance in that because either way Owen is dying. Unlike Maddy who buries herself alive only to come out renewed, Owen doesn't kill himself upon facing the reality that the world is constructed to keep him miserable and the only way out is to take back what it is that the world wants to keep scooped out of him. Instead he just passively lets it drag him to a much more permanent death. This lack of suicide sucks in the kind of way that forces you to sit in your car on the midnight drive home and think to yourself am I letting myself suffocate because at some point knowing the misery became less scary than admitting I've been capable of doing something about it the whole time?

Clearly, I’ve been enchanted by the film’s narrative and meta-textual language. If you're familiar with it, you can see how Schoenbrun built this movie like a long-form dream episode of a canceled teen show filmed in Vancouver. Lynchian? Yeah, sure. Riverdalesque? THIS we cannot possibly deny. Schoenbrun said they included Amber Benson as an act of healing the inner rage experienced at Tara’s death in Buffy. This is a Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa ending Riverdale with a bisexual polycule after his gay Archie play got ceased-and-desisted type move. There’s probably more I could say about the soundtrack and the visuals, but I’ve hit over 1k words on this, so I’ll leave it at I enjoyed this movie a lot. :)

Maddy is an out lesbian who left town to escape the misery and found it strapped to her ankles. She slinks out, an animal pressed against the gymnasium floor, and says "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know." Owen looks into the camera and narrates. He cuts himself open with a box cutter, fully acknowledges what's there, and the movie ends with his suffocating apology parade for the unremarkable inconvenience of his excruciating suffering. You can be gay and trans, you can know it and you can stop repressing it, but you're not going to stop suffocating until you can find a way to destroy the part of you that truly deeply does want to die, reaching for the comforting euthanasia of normalcy. Stop visiting the dream of the life you want and make it into your reality with the same kind of unrepentant conviction seen in some underfunded but wildly ambitious teen television series. In other words: you must try to survive the ego death of being weird. A weirdo, who doesn't fit in and doesn't want to fit in!

[hmslusitania]

Okay, I'm probably going to sound like an idiot, but what (or who) is chuck? You keep talking about a chuck au and I'm so confused.

*insert ocean's 9-1-1 gif of Buck asking the detectives to reexplain*

i actually found a gif within a minute holy shit what this has never happened before oh my god

OKAY SO

Chuck was a television show on NBC that debuted in 2007 and ran for five seasons, which means it conveniently aired starting from the first month of 8th grade for me, and the final episode aired a week before I graduated high school, so it was like, very topically important to me when I was a teenager. We didn't have cable so my dad and I would each watch it on the NBC website back when each network had it's own website upon which you could watch the current episodes -- and sometimes a majority of the back catalogue, god knows I watched all of Buffy on the WB's website -- since streaming services didn't exist yet.

ANYWAY

the premise is this: After being kicked out of Stanford for academic dishonesty, which was a frame-up job by his roommate and best friend Bryce Larkin (Matt Bomer), our main boy Chuck Bartowski (Zachary Levi) is working as the head of the Nerd Herd (Geek Squad) at a Buy More (totally not Best Buy) in Burbank, CA where he lives with his big sister and her boyfriend, Captain Awesome, who are both doctors.

The show starts with Chuck receiving an email out of the blue from the very same Bryce Larkin who got him kicked out of Stanford, and which happens to contain a database of all the government secrets out of a joint CIA-NSA database experiment called the Intersect. The email is in the form of a video attachment and all of the images and therefore information from the Intersect are then implanted into Chuck's head. Bryce, simultaneously, destroys the physical Intersect computer, which means that the only place all of these government secrets and intel now exist is...inside Chuck's head.

Enter very beautiful CIA Agent Sarah Walker (Yvonne Strahovski) who's there to try and turn Chuck into a CIA asset, and gruff NSA Agent John Casey (Adam Baldwin) who's there to kill him.

The events of the pilot episode conclude with Chuck, Sarah, and Casey being assigned to work together to do spy things, while Chuck has to maintain his cover as just a normal guy working at the Buy More alongside his childhood best friend Morgan (Joshua Gomez) and now Casey as well, with the new addition to his life of a fake girlfriend, Sarah.

Everything works out in the end, of course, because did I say it was a five season show no I didn't it was only four haha

And I for one (and a few others such as @mellaithwen @alwayseddietrash and @starry-eyed-guttersnipe) think that this makes for a delightful premise for a Buddie AU

[diwatera]

LGBTQ+ Movies I Watched Recently (Part 2)

Happiest Season (2020) dir. Clea DuVall

Short Summary: Abby plans on proposing to Harper when they visit Harper’s family for the holidays. Her plans get derailed when she learns that Harper hasn’t come out to her family yet.

Why you should watch it: Not gonna lie, Mackenzie Davis drew me to this movie; I’ve been in love with her ever since San Junipero came out. Add Kristen Stewart, Aubrey Plaza and Dan Levy to the mix and I’m sold. If you want a sapphic romance with a happy ending, this one’s for you. 

Été 85 (2020) dir.  François Ozon

Short Summary: Alexis recounts his six-week love affair with David during the summer of ‘85. 

Why you should watch it: If you love 80s aesthetic and music, you definitely should watch this. The movie made me nostalgic of that decade and I wasn’t even alive back then! It’s a whirlwind summer romance reminiscent of Call Me by Your Name but with a more devastating twist.

Getting Go: The Go Doc Project (2013) dir. Cory James Krueckeberg

Short Summary: An obsessed college boy pursues his internet crush through the pretext of making a documentary about him.

Why you should watch it: The script and the acting are the one-two punch of this film. The writing is incredibly genuine, and both of the actors’ performances made the lines feel even more natural. I’m not the biggest fan of mockumentary-style films, but this one felt like it was a recording of my own life. Hyper-obsessive college grad with a Tumblr blog? Might as well have called out half the population of this damn site.

Pihalla (2017) dir. Nils-Erik Ekblom

Short Summary: Miku and Elias find themselves, and each other, during a summer in the Finnish countryside.

Why you should watch it: I’m a sucker for gays in the countryside™ and although this one is not quite up there with God’s Own Country and Call Me by Your Name, it still makes for a good watch. Miku as a character and his relationship with his parents was chaotic and fun. His relationship with Elias felt really natural and dreamy. 

You, Me and Him (2017) dir. Daisy Aitkens

Short Summary: Olivia, a mature responsible lawyer, wants to have a baby, but her girlfriend Alex isn’t ready for the responsibility. Things get even more complicated when their flirty neighbour, John, joins the picture. 

Why you should watch it: It is one of the most feel-good lesbian romcoms I have seen in a while. But I warn you, there are some dark parts that can really sneak up on you. Yeah, it’s hilarious, but damn it made me ugly cry, too. Oh, and if you want to see David Tennant as an alpha male douchebag, here’s your chance. (CW: **spoiler alert** p̶r̶e̶g̶n̶a̶n̶c̶y̶ ̶l̶o̶s̶s̶ )

Giant Little Ones (2018) dir. Keith Behrman 

Short Summary: Franky and Ballas have been best friends since childhood, both on the swimming team, both incredibly popular. But after an incident during Franky’s birthday, they quickly fall apart and Franky falls from grace.

Why you should watch it: I think the film captures just how tumultuous coming-of-age stories are. Franky is going through his own journey of self-identity, and I’m happy that the movie didn’t rush in with labels. The conversation Franky has with his dad at the end also hits hard.  (CW: physical assault, allusions to sexual assault)

Our Love Story (2016) dir. HyunJu Lee

Short Summary: A fine arts student meets an attractive bartender, and the two women begin an intimate relationship.

Why you should watch it: It’s a very intimate love story that isn’t rushed or dragged out for too long. We definitely see Yoon-Jo and Ji-Soo’s relationship bloom from start to end, but it’s not mind-numbingly boring to watch. Raw and unembellished, I definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a realistic portrayal of wlw romance.

Die Mitte der Welt (2016) dir. Jakob M. Erwa

Short Summary: The film follows Phil and his relationship with his family, his best friend, and a newcomer at his school, Nicholas.

Why you should watch it: This is technically a second watch for me, and I’m glad I rewatched it, because I was able to catch some glaring red flags that I missed the first time. I love this movie in spite of all the heartache it caused me. The story, especially the deal with Phil’s family, struck a chord in me. And the shots! Visually stunning as well! 

Les Amours Imaginaires (2010) dir. Xavier Dolan

Short Summary: Marie and Francis’ friendship is put to the test when a beautiful boy called Nicolas comes between them. 

Why you should watch it: Watch it for the visuals -- the colors, the costumes, the cast. Seriously, the actors included here may as well be kept in the Louvre: Xavier Dolan, Neils Schneider, Monia Chokri, hell, even a cameo from Louis Garrel! Dolan said it himself that this is a shallow film, but it’s worth the watch just to see Neils Schneider wearing heart-shaped glasses.

Closet Monster (2015)  dir. Stephen Dunn

Short Summary: A creative and driven teenager is desperate to escape his hometown and the haunting memories of his turbulent childhood.

Why you should watch it: Right off the bat, I am going to say that this film is dark. I tried watching it back in college but tapped out within the first ten minutes because something traumatic happens. Then I tried again about a week ago, finished it this time. It’s actually a very moving film. It’s violent and gory in some parts, but also ridiculous and wholesome in other parts. IT HAS A TALKING HAMSTER NAMED BUFFY! BUFFY WAS THE STAR OF THIS MOVIE FOR ME. (CW: gay bashing/sexual assault)

Straight Up (2020) dir. James Sweeney

Short Summary: Todd and Rory are intellectual soul mates. He might be gay but she might not care.

Why you should watch it: The dialogue in this film is undeniably sharp and witty. Loved the fast-paced back and forth between the two main characters as they discuss relationships, sex, gender, and more. James Sweeney and Katie Findlay’s chemistry just pulled you into the screen. It was funny, it was sweet, it was heartwrenching, it was great! (CW: allusions to sexual assault)

Latter Days (2003) dir. C. Jay Cox

Short Summary: A promiscuous gay party animal falls for a young Mormon missionary, leading to crisis, cliché, and catastrophe.

Why you should watch it: I saw this in santiagonex’s top 20 LGBTQ+ films with happy endings, and I honestly thought it was gonna be a feel-good watch. Instead, I got a rollercoaster melodrama filled with early 2000s gay culture, religious guilt, buttcheeks, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Needless to say, I got more than I bargained for. (CW: self-harm, conversion therapy)

The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Blythewood

Short Summary:  A covert team of immortal mercenaries are suddenly exposed and must now fight to keep their identity a secret just as an unexpected new member is discovered.

Why you should watch it: Okay, I was debating whether I should include this here, because it’s not necessarily an LGBTQ+ film as much as it is an action film with queer characters. I decided to include it, because JESUS! I have never seen such respectful and well-written representation of queer characters and relationships. Joe and Nicky are the most unproblematic couple in history. PERIOD. Pray for sequels, everyone. This is the kind of representation we deserve in mainstream media. 

. . .

Click here for more LGBTQ+ film recs

[quudere]

🥊 ( from buffy )

‧₊̊‧*⋅☾ ;; starter from here

He had no idea how things ended up like this- He thought he was simply having a nice gal however he now found himself pinning her against the the grassy ground. Surely this was no laughing matter- yet that's exactly what he did. Those close to Levi, better known as Spike, would describe him as an annoying funny guy that somehow would find his way into your heart. Since he knew this was part of his charm, he figured.. why not try this tactic on her?

❝ so.. do you often just chill in the muddy grass with strangers?❞

He asked with a cheeky smile. Though he didn't exactly get an answer, he moved back a little-- awkwardly un-straddling her but still keeping his hands on her wrists.

❝ Okay. . . So I'm gonna let you go. . . but promise me to not slap me then !❞

Though he wasn't exactly naïve, he was a bit of a . . . dumbass at times. And right now it is even more apparent than usual. Spike let go off her wrists; the corners of his lips tugging into a dorky grin- Though that did not last long as he felt a harsh pain against his cheek. When he realized she had slapped his cheek, he let out an exaggerated gasp as he reached out to dramatically hold his cheek.

❝ Woahhh.. And here I thought we had built up some mutual trust. I am so hurt ! ❞

[foxesandmagic]

OCs This Month (March)

Just a list of all the OCs that I’ve seen and have captured my interest this month through other’s aesthetics, questions and the likes.

@kendelias: Original OCs - The Hardy Boys.

@cassercole: Marvel OC Q; Marvel OC Jane.

@fiercefray: Shadow and Bone OCs Katia, Dasha, Ragnar and Andrea.

@kenobi-jinn: Star Wars OC Valencia.

@unexpectedmischief: Mamoru and Suzi.

@annibunnysworld: The Umbrella Academy OC Joy; Teen Wolf OCs Riley and Marlow.

@billy--hargroves: Chandler siblings; Carrie.

@hiddentyrell: Marvel OC Karolina.

@catharticallysarcastic: Original OCs Raiden, Niko and Leda.

@twofacedharveydent: Gotham OC.

@farrradays: Original OCs - Thornes & Roses; original OC Arthur.

@raging-violets: Narnia OC Brielle; Spiderman OC Dawn; The Flash OC Cadence; The Flash OC Averey; The Flash OC Charlie.

@randomestfandoms-ocs: Original OC Aela; Jurassic World OC Adelyn; Gallagher Girls OC Kayla; Jumanji OCs Gia/Malia; Teen Wolf OC Luna; Stranger Things OC Lennon; Riverdale OC Ruby.

@aliverse: Marvel OC; Harry Potter OC Auriella.

@hughstheforcelou: Riverdale OC Bones.

@dancing-with-the-devil-series: OCs Thomas, Aislin, Kasey and Simon.

@theseowleyes: I Am Not Okay With This OC Rory.

@starcrossedjedis: Marvel OC Mila.

@curious-kittens-ocs: Harry Potter OCs Skylar and Sebastian; Gotham OC Riley.

@notxjustxstories: Kaia; Keona; OC Helena.

@ahoy-scoops-troop: Courtney.

@randomfandomingwrites: Teen Wolf OC Remy.

@susiesamurai: IT OC.

@newthomally: Star Wars OC; Star Wars OC Bre.

@malice1329: Arrow OC Natalee; Marvel OC Abigail.

@musiciatee: Teen Wolf OC Annie.

@anotherunreadblog: Locke and Key OC Lizbeth; 6 Underground OC Zero.

@lonley-full-of-secrets: Riverdale OC Poppy.

@emiliachrstine: Star Wars OC; Star Wars OC Naya; OC Elena; Marvel OC Madison; The Mandalorian OCs Amreen and Tate.

@hogwarts-is-my-wonderland: Karen; The Flash fanfiction.

@iceandwaterfairytail: The Originals OC Christine.

@whctsherncme: Teen Wolf OC Kyle.

@abbysarcane: Marvel OC Alex.

@amongwriters: Original OC.

@yourpalmoony: Stranger Things OC Julia.

@papergirlverse: Legends of Tomorrow OC Alexandra; Legends of Tomorrow OC Fitz; Doctor Who OCs Melpomene and Declan; Marvel OCs Rebecca and Erin; Arrow OC Donovan.

@perfectlystiles: Multiple DC OCs; Harry Potter OC Aurora; Legends of Tomorrow OC Davina.

@kcnobls: The Mandalorian OC Jinjara; OCs David & Shelley.

@thecaillic: Melinoe.

@jewelswrites-ish: The Originals OC Juliet.

@freedomqueenlove: Teen Wolf OC Diana.

@darknightfrombeyond: A Discovery of Witches OC Simone.

@ocfairygodmother: A Good Place OCs Genesis and Ryan.

@mun-dxne: Legacies OC Faith.

@harleyquinnzelz: Buffy OCs Rose and Effie.

@moustache-bonnet: Spiderman OC Adi.

@solem-lunam-amet: Star Wars OC Kvesta.

@a-song-of-quill-and-feather: Harry Potter OC Cassiopeia.

@sgtbuckyybarnes: Peaky Blinders OC Stella; Marvel OC Harper.

@whctsherncme: OC Levi.

@prophecy-grrl: From Dusk Till Dawn OC Claire; Titans OC Annabel; Marvel OC Poppy; Spiderman OC Mischa; Star Wars OC Nyxeris.

@agb-random: The Flash OC Lillian; Legends of Tomorrow OC Amir.

@eclecticsloths: OCs Jamie and Charlotte.

@missunderstoodxoxo: The Walking Dead OC Molly.

@poe-tato-dameron: Star Wars OC Demo.

@drbobbimorse: Star Wars OC Niobe.

@pearlselegancies: Teen Wolf OC Izzy.

@squirrelstone: Descendants OC Willow.

@thesolotwins: Star Wars OC Padme.

@moirei: Torchwood OC Maeve.

@booksbeneaththebed: OC Felix.

[tjkiahgb]

Episode Recap: 3.13, “Mount Rushmore or Less”

Remember how the last episode ended? When Jonah and Amber were making out in the park? Good, because we’re picking up from right where we left off.

The GHC react in even more shock to seeing the two kiss. Andi tells everyone to act natural, so Cyrus takes off his shoe and throws it into the lake. Buffy vetoes that idea and calls Jonah over to get answers.

Andi’s like, did she have to do that?

But, in fairness, you told everyone to act natural and confrontation is super natural for Buffy.

Jonah comes running over and they start grilling him: what happened with Libby? What’s this with Amber? Are you a two-timing son of a gun?

Jonah explains he’s not being a jerk and that Libby broke up with him a couple days ago.

They press him on already getting back together with Amber, but I don’t see a ring on his finger. Let the boy live.

Cyrus thinks it’s possible their relationship could work this time, as Amber has come a long way. Buffy thinks this means it’s only a matter of time until the Jonah cycle returns to Andi.

Andi is less than thrilled about that.

At The Spoon, Cyrus draws stuff on napkins and asks the others if it’s something.

God, it’s so weird that he would draw a picture of my mother screaming at me that I’m wasting my life.

And then following it up with a picture of my father telling me he’ll never get me a puppy because I’ll never be responsible enough for one? This is too strange!

Andi’s phone buzzes and she checks it.

Metcalf has announced Costume Day is in two days time.

We’re all in agreement Metcalf doing this on short notice is some kind of social experiment, right? Designed to drive the students to madness, yes? Okay, good.

Andi wants to know who can plan a costume in two days? I mean, other than most people, who would probably just go to the store and buy one or make something simple. You really don’t need that much time unless you’re, I don’t know, doing some kind of big, multi-person production involving sheets and face paint? But why put yourself through that?

Jonah already knows what he’s doing.

That sounds lame. Who’d even be interested in such a thing? And it’s really not going to work unless he can get Zachary Levi to come in and be the second part of that costume and there’s no way you’re getting Z-Leeves on that short of notice. He was Chuck for God’s sake. He’s got better stuff to do!

Andi suddenly realizes she already knows what they’re going to be for Costume Day: Mount Rushmore.

She notes that they already have the heads, which is really an important first step for any costume: having a head.

The gang seems less than thrilled but Andi says it’ll get them a two-page spread in the yearbook and that, more importantly, for the rest of their lives, whenever anyone asks them what their best costume was, they’ll be able to say Mount Rushmore.

I feel like she might be severely overestimating how many times people get asked that question in their lifetime. I’ve only been asked it like three or four times at various job interviews. And guess what? I also said Mount Rushmore even though I never actually did it. It’s called lying. Look into it.

Cyrus tries his picture thing one more time.

My God, it’s a vivid recreation of the time I fell into a well when I was twelve and was trapped there alone for three days. I don’t know how he’s doing this.

Buffy goes to find Marty. Marty has spent his time away changing his hairstyle and becoming an amateur rapper.

Buffy calls him on it but he says he’s talking the same way he always has, it’s just been a while and when you’re away from someone for a while, you forget they say things like “Yo!” It’s like they say, absence makes the heart forget how people talk.

Either way, Marty is glad Buffy called. Buffy explains she missed him and the fun they used to have. Marty lets her know he has a girlfriend now. Buffy says she’s happy for him.

They decide they can be friends again now that the pressure of a relationship is off the table because Marty has a girrrrlfriend.

Marty lets Buffy know, though, that she’s just a girlfriend, not a girrrlfriend, so it probably won’t last.

Over at the park, Kira shows up at the basketball courts and finds TJ. She asks him if there’s a chance she could try out for the boys’ basketball team. He tells her there’s a girls’ team now and also, honestly, there’s a whole backstory here and if I just let you onto the boys’ team, it would probably be a thing.

Cyrus shows up.

TJ introduces him to Kira, who remembers him. She’s like, you’re Buffy’s friend, right? And Cyrus is like, yeah. And then Kira gets a crazy look in her eyes.

Which Cyrus rightly reads as a reason to exit from the situation.

He and TJ head off. Kira watches them leave and responds with a look that seems to say, “I smell gayness.”

TJ asks Cyrus what he’s doing for Costume Day. Cyrus says TJ doesn’t strike him as a Costume Day kinda guy but TJ tells him he has layers.

Like an onion.

TJ pitches Cyrus on his idea. One person: dressed for summer. The other: dressed as salt. You know: somersault. Like that thing TJ taught Cyrus to do a while back that meant so much to him that he remembered it many months later and wanted to do an entire costume dedicated to it because it was a little thing that they shared. I’m fine. I’m totally fine.

They agree that TJ will be somer, Cyrus will be sault.

Meanwhile, over in another part of the park, Amber prances around in front of her camera, trying to get a good candid shot.

I feel like we’re getting a little window into everyone’s lives here. It’s a strange display.

Andi shows up. Amber complains about how hard it is to seem natural so she asks Andi to snap some shots. Andi’s like, sure, but the cost is I’m going to ask you about Jonah. Amber explains they were spending all this time together and that they realized they might like each other, again. Andi says it’s okay, that she thinks that’s nice.

Then she aims the camera at Amber’s like, midsection?

She takes some pics and she’s like, I think we got the shot.

That’s pretty impressive camera work for lazily pointing camera nowhere in particular.

Andi heads home and starts digging through Bex’s closet looking for a sheet. Bex comes running over to help but it’s too late. Andi violently throws all of Bex’s wedding invites to the floor.

I mean, I know it wasn’t on purpose, but that was way too aggressive a search Andi was doing in that closet. This was bound to happen.

Bex offers to explain. She says she was going to mail them but she couldn’t. They’re just too much. I mean, for God’s sake, they’re vellum!

Of course, it’s not the vellum, it’s what the vellum represents: that this is all happening, and soon. And that’s too much for Bex. Bowie doesn’t know yet, but Bex assures Andi she still loves him. That this panic is because of how good things have been with him and fear of change.

Bex promises to mail the invites tomorrow. Andi corrects her by saying we will mail them. I’m going to walk you to the post office and watch you do it.

Andi then uses this opportunity to say she’s going to murder Bex’s sheet by cutting a hole in it and painting it gray.

Honestly, though, she’s seen how Bex lives, she can’t possibly think doing that to a sheet of hers would really ruin it in Bex’s eyes. It’ll be back on her bed within a week.

Cyrus catches up to Buffy at school and asks her if she thinks Andi would flip if he bailed on Mount Rushmore. Buffy’s like, yep. Are we ever going to get an explanation as to why Andi is obsessed with Mount Rushmore? Has this been like, her thing going back to when they were little kids or something?

Cyrus tells Buffy he wants to do a costume with TJ. He tells her it’ll be a somersault, which is their thing. He asks her if she understands.

Buffy’s also like, “I smell gayness.” But in a positive way.

Still, she says the problem is that Costume Day is tomorrow. She then realizes she might know someone else who actively has a head and could help.

Andi runs into Amber, pacing around outside the middle school. She posted her nice pictures to InstaPic and Jonah didn’t give her a like.

God, this is, at the same time, incredibly stupid and so real. What a time to live in that this is a legit modern relationship issue.

Andi tries to tell her not to read too much into it, but that’s not happening. Amber asks Andi to have a talk with him.

So Andi heads over to Red Rooster to talk some sense into Jonah. She reminds him Costume Day is tomorrow and that he’ll thank her when their Mount Rushmore costume ends up as a four page foldout in the yearbook.

And, of course, once again in 30 years, when someone asks him what his best costume was and he has an easy answer.

She tells him about the whole Amber thing. That if she posts a picture, give it a heart. No exceptions.

And Jonah’s like, I heart most of them. And Andi’s like, no exceptions.

No. Exceptions.

Back at the school, Buffy heads over to find Marty, who’s dressed like The Rock in an adventure movie for some reason.

Buffy remarks on how it’s cool they can just talk again, then asks him for a favor. Marty’s like, what kind of favor? And Buffy’s like, I need to use your head.

At the park, Kira shows up and tells TJ she’s been looking for him.

That’s a soon-to-be-sad choice of words.

Kira tells him she has a super-simple, basketball-related idea for Costume Day. TJ tells her he already has a costume: “Somersault” with Cyrus.

Kira tries again, telling him her idea is really cool. TJ again turns her down.

Kira’s like...

“That smells pretty gay to me.”

She sarcastically wishes him good luck with that and walks off. TJ remains behind, rattled.

Andi returns home to find Bex and Bowie waiting for her.

It seems pretty clear by now that Andi rules this house like an iron-fisted Queen. They live in fear of her.

Andi says it’s been a while since she’s seen them in such an ominous tableau.

Ominous Tableau, by the way, was the name of my folk rock band in college. We were terrible. Got ran out of several open mics. They actually passed a local ordinance to prevent more than two members of the band from being in the same room at the same time after a few too many of our shows. Oh, memories.

Andi wants to know what’s up. Her parents just quietly look at the wedding invitations and Andi realizes they are not being mailed today. Or ever?

They explain that this wedding, with all its planning and details is too much, and that what they already have is perfect. There are too many expectations and Bex doesn’t want to risk it.

I gotta say, I strongly relate to not wanting to do stuff or go to a party. They’re speaking my language.

Bowie is just happy being Andi’s dad and with what they have now. He doesn’t need more.

Andi takes a second, then says okay. And Bex is like...

...did we just get away with this?

Andi says it’s their decision. She’s not feeling surprised. That really, deep down, when you think about it...

Oh?

Then what about before?! All that wedding stuff. The arguments about cake? And dresses? And centerpieces? You were just killing time?

Andi goes to gather her Mount Rushmore supplies as she’s decided she’s heading to Andi Shack to finish the costume.

Bex tries to say if she sees Celia, to not... but Andi tells her not to worry. She won’t say anything and break Celia’s heart.

And then she just walks out, leaving her parents in stunned silence.

It’s weird that Bex and Bowie’s names are on the papers when it’s actually Andi who owns the place.

Andi heads to The Spoon and runs into Amber, who thanks her for getting Jonah to like her pictures. She goes to start her shift while Jonah follows Andi outside.

He says he forgot how much he had to do with Amber.

Which is a great way to be thinking about a relationship you’re like, two days into.

He says it’s not just hearting her pictures. It’s constant texting. Constant hanging out. Constant being around her friends. She’s like a timebomb of insecurity waiting to go off.

Andi tells him that’s regular boyfriend stuff but he contends it’s a lot.

Andi, who’s very clearly over trying to fix Jonah and Amber’s relationship, tells him to just do whatever.

Or don’t do it. It’s fine either way, just make up your damn mind.

She starts to leave but stops and turns back.

She tells him he can do this like he’s about to strap himself into a rocket and launch into space. I know the risks are large, and you might not come back, but I believe in you. You can have a good relationship with Amber.

At school on Costume Day, Cyrus spots TJ, not dressed like summer.

TJ says he was going to call him but before he can explain, Kira shows up. She’s like, let’s show Cyrus the costume.

Oh, I get it. It’s funny because, in basketball, a double dribble is a violation and so is this costume.

TJ apologizes as Kira drags him away and Cyrus is left to stand there, heartbroken, and wearing a colander on his head.

The greatest of indignities.

Andi shows up with her Mount Rushmore getup and runs into Marty and Buffy. Buffy explains Marty’s there to replace Cyrus, who apparently has not warned Andi of his plans. I don’t know Andi that well, but given how much Mount Rushmore seems to mean to her, I’d have gone out of my way to make sure she knew.

Andi takes the news that Marty will be replacing Cyrus well.

It’s all okay as long as Jonah’s still in. On cue, Jonah shows up. Andi’s ready to go but Jonah says he has something to say first. He pulls her aside.

He’s thought about what she said, about doing things he wants to do and not just doing stuff because people want him to do it. Long story short, he doesn’t want to be in Mount Rushmore.

Andi takes this well, too.

“...MOM?”

“Huh? I’m not your mom.”

“Right. Sorry, I’m working through a lot of stuff.”

Andi says she was counting on him. Jonah says she told him he should decide what he wants to do. Andi’s like, I meant with Amber, not me!

She yells “wrong lesson” at him the way you might say “Bad dog!”

Jonah apologizes and walks off.

Let me just stop for a second here and point something out. I’m not going to make a whole post to “Pink Backpack” this, but this is the same area Pink Backpack took place and there are some strange things going on in this scene with the kids.

Exhibit #1: Gorilla Kid and Dinosaur Kid.

Exhibit #2: Pharaoh Kid.

And, the worst one of all, Exhibit #3: Hot Dog Kid.

These kids are walking in circles. They’re teleporting(?). And I know, in my heart, this is somehow all Metcalf’s fault.

Anyway, Andi walks with Marty and Buffy and says this...

I can’t believe there’s this whole story here where Andi has been dreaming of doing a Mount Rushmore costume for years and is constantly having those dreams dashed. What a weird fixation.

They spot Cyrus being a sad little salt shaker.

The mime behind him is trapped in the box that is heteronormativity. Don’t test me. I’ve written college papers on flimsier.

They tell him Jonah won’t be in Mount Rushmore and re-recruit him into it.

Marty figures out what he’s dressed as.

Listen, I know it’s the principle of the matter, TJ bailing on him and all, but Cyrus shouldn’t be ashamed of the costume. It’s not bad as is. I see a lot of people dressed up as food -- a pizza, a pineapple, and of course, hot dog.

And look at this kid.

What is he, an easel? Terrible. At least you’re not him.

Anyway, Cyrus agrees to join Mount Rushmore.

Can we be honest for a second? It’s a fine costume. It was never going to be a two-page spread in the yearbook. The only one they bothered to even make look like one of the presidents is Marty (who’s killing it, by the way). The rest of them just look like faces in holes. I mean, compare it to the real thing:

It’s preposterous. Two pages?! Delusional! Best they were ever going to get was a decent sized shot on the “Costume Day” collage page.

The episode ends with them sadly getting their photo taken.

Relationships tested. People torn apart. Chaos.

Sounds like another successful Metcalf experiment.

[seraph-novak]

Tyrus Doctor AU inspired by Schmico (Levi Schmitt and Nico Kim) with AM as side characters pls!!

If you enjoy the fic, please like/comment/reblog! All forms of feedback mean the world to me ♥

P.S. You don’t need to watch Grey’s Anatomy to read this fic. 

~~~~~

It was barely six in the morning when Cyrus shuffled into The Pit, one hand wrapped around a paper cup of coffee while the other sluggishly patted his pillow-mussed hair into shape. The sun was still making its slow ascent into the sky, spilling its morning glow across the ambulance bay outside, but Shadyside Hospital was already alive with people – patients and practitioners alike. As always, the air was buzzing with a frantic, suspenseful energy, but Cyrus had a feeling that today’s shift was going to be even crazier than usual.

As soon as he spotted Andi and Buffy standing next to a row of gurneys on the side of the room, Cyrus downed the last of his coffee, dumped his cup in the nearest bin, and dragged himself across The Pit to join them. His presence was met with a couple of weary nods.

“Morning, Cy,” Andi greeted him, blinking her tired eyes open as she attempted a small smile. “Sleep well?”

Cyrus groaned. “Too well… I didn’t wanna leave my bed.”

“I never do.”

“You two are depressing,” Buffy said with the quirk of an eyebrow. Despite the dark smudges beneath her eyes, she seemed relatively well-rested, and Cyrus envied her for it. “Whose service are you on today?”

“No clue,” Cyrus said. He stifled a yawn with the back of his hand and shrugged. “I’ll probably be stuck in the clinic again, knowing my luck.”

“The clinic isn’t that bad.”

“It’s grunt work, and you know it.”

Buffy opened her mouth to protest, then changed her mind, probably deciding it was too early in the morning for a debate. “Okay, you’re right. It isn’t great in there.”

“You’ve never worked a day in the clinic,” Andi said, shooting Buffy a teasing glare. “The residents probably fight over you.”

“It’s not my fault everyone wants me on their service.” Buffy cracked her knuckles and grinned, playfully rolling her eyes at Andi’s unimpressed expression. “Oh, don’t look at me like that… You’re the one dating a resident.”

Andi folded her arms defensively. “I’ve never asked Amber to do me any favours.”

“I’m not suggesting you have. But if anyone’s got an advantage here, it’s definitely you.”

“Please stop bickering,” Cyrus pleaded, gingerly rubbing his temples to ease the pounding in his head. The bright lights of The Pit never failed to give him a headache, especially when he was still in the process of waking up. “I would give anything to be put on radiology today,” he continued groggily. “Somewhere dark and quiet, where I could nap in peace…”

Buffy punched him in the shoulder. “You’re a surgical intern,” she said, as if he needed reminding. “You don’t get to nap.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Sleep is a thing of the past for people like us.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.”

“I can’t help it!” he exclaimed, flapping his arms like a bird caught in a net. “I’m tired. And when I’m tired, I get cranky. And when I’m cranky, I get dramatic. It’s a vicious circle!”

“Well, you better reel it in,” Buffy said, dropping her voice to an urgent whisper. “Dr. Metcalf’s coming over.”

Within seconds, the Chief of Surgery was looming over them, wearing his signature frown as he carefully surveyed the interns with a pair of sharp, judgemental eyes. After a few moments of tense silence, the older man wrinkled his nose and leaned back. 

“Don’t you three have someplace to be?” he asked, phrasing the question like a warning.

“Yes, Dr. Metcalf,” Andi and Buffy squeaked in unison, their eyes as wide as dinner plates. When Cyrus didn’t say a word, they both turned to him with questioning looks of horror.

“I don’t actually know whose service I’m on today,” he hurried to explain, his voice trembling slightly.

Dr. Metcalf sighed. “The incompetency of you interns is astonishing.”

“Sorry, sir.”

“Don’t apologise. Just get to work!”

“But –”

“Go with the first resident you see for today. But don’t let this kind of amateur mistake happen again. Do you understand?”

Cyrus gulped. “Yes, sir.”

As soon as Dr. Metcalf walked away, Cyrus allowed himself to breathe again, his wobbly legs giving way as he slumped against Buffy’s side for support.

“I think I just peed myself.”

Andi snorted. “Are you okay, Cy?”

“Yeah. Just traumatised. Nothing major.”

“There you go again with the dramatics,” Buffy said, shoving him off with a shrug. As she was pressing the crinkles out of her scrubs, her eyes landed on something across the room, and a devious smirk appeared on her lips. “Well, I guess that answers the question of whose service you’re on today.”

Before Cyrus could ask any questions, Buffy grabbed his chin and turned his head to the right, pointing his gaze towards a dirty-blond man in dark blue scrubs standing at the opposite end of The Pit, his green eyes scrolling up and down the tablet in his hands.

TJ Kippen. Or, as Buffy and Andi liked to call him, Cyrus’ big fat crush.

“Oh no,” Cyrus said, shaking his head as he took a step backwards, accidentally stumbling into a (thankfully) empty bed. “I can’t work with that guy… No way!”

Andi sidled up to Buffy with a matching smirk. “Dr. Metcalf did tell you to go with the first resident you see. You don’t want to disobey the Chief of Surgery, do you?”

“First of all, he’s a fellow –”

“Still counts.”

“ – and I can just pretend I never saw him,” Cyrus said, frantically scanning The Pit for any signs of another resident. The room was swarming with pale blue scrubs and white coats, but TJ Kippen was the only spot of darkness in sight. It was hopeless. “I can’t spend the entire day one-to-one with him,” Cyrus insisted. “What if he –”

“Winks at you again?” Buffy suggested, biting back a grin as Andi smothered her giggles with the sleeve of her coat. “Oh, the horror!”

“This is serious!”

“He’s only flirting with you,” Andi said, taking a deep breath to compose herself. “Maybe he likes you.”

“He’s a guy!” Cyrus hissed, instant heat rushing to his cheeks as a couple of heads turned their way. As soon as the attention had shifted away from them, he lowered his voice and continued, “A guy’s never flirted with me before. What am I supposed to do?”

“You let him down gently.” Andi flicked a glance at Buffy, her eyebrows raised in a silent question, then turned back to Cyrus with a shrug. “Unless you don’t want to, of course.”

Cyrus blanched. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well… You do talk about him a lot.”

“No, I don’t!”

“Yes, you do,” Buffy said, scraping her hair into a bun on top of her head. The pager at her hip started buzzing as soon as she dropped her arms, and she answered it without hesitation. “Well, I wish I could stay here and talk some sense into you all morning, but some of us have work to do.” And with that, she pinched his cheek and made her way towards the double doors leading to the rest of the hospital, turning at the last second to give him a thumbs up. “Just go with your gut,” she shouted across The Pit. “You’ll be fine!”

A few minutes later, when the bustling crowds slowly started to thin out, Andi bit her lip and sighed. “I better get going too,” she said, offering Cyrus a sympathetic smile as he desperately clung to her arm. “Don’t worry, Cy. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Cyrus gulped. “But… What if I don’t know what I want to do?”

“Well, now’s your chance to figure it out.” She patted his hand and kissed his cheek, giving him a moment to gather his nerves, then pulled away. “I’ll see you at lunch, okay?”

“Okay,” he said, a sickly pallor washing his cheeks as he forced himself to nod. “See you later.”

With Andi and Buffy both gone, and the rest of the interns slowly trickling out of The Pit, Cyrus had no choice but to force his jellified legs across the room and formally introduce himself. Besides a few snatched looks across the operation table, and a couple of unexpected winks thrown his way in passing, he and TJ had never really interacted before. Cyrus had always tried to keep his distance, afraid of what he might do if he were left alone with the frustratingly charming paediatrician for too long. But apparently, he couldn’t avoid the other man forever.

“Um… Hello,” Cyrus said as he approached TJ, anxiously wringing his hands together. He could already feel the nervous sweat beading on his skin, and his face was practically starting to smoke as the blush in his cheeks grew darker and darker, almost reaching the tips of his ears by the time TJ finally turned around and acknowledged him.

“Hey,” the fellow greeted him, the corner of his mouth twitching with a smirk of recognition. “Are you on my service today?”

Cyrus cleared his throat. “Not exactly, but… I-I don’t really know where I’m supposed to be, so Dr. Metcalf told me to go with the first resident I saw.”

“But you picked me?”

“No! I-I mean… I saw you first, so…”

TJ’s gaze skipped over him – from the toes of his tennis shoes, all the way up to the unartfully-tousled mop of hair on top of his head – and finally settled on the spot between his eyes. After a moment of consideration, he made a humming noise and took a step closer, his flirtatious smile almost brushing against the shell of Cyrus’ ear.

“Lucky me,” he whispered.

A bolt of attraction pierced through Cyrus’ chest, taking him by surprise. He tore his eyes away from TJ and coughed into his fist, internally begging the heat in his face to finally subside, before it melted the skin off his cheekbones.

“You look nervous,” TJ observed, sounding genuinely concerned. “Are you okay?”

Cyrus nodded a little too enthusiastically. “Yes! I’m fine, I just… I’ve never done, um… p-paediatrics… before.”

“Oh.” TJ tilted his head to the side, probably wondering if Cyrus had deliberately injected as much implication as possible into that sentence, then gave him a friendly clap on the back. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I’ll walk you through it.”

“You will?”

“That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?”

“Right! Yes. Exactly. Um… Thank you, TJ. I mean… Dr. Kippen. Sorry! I didn’t mean to –”

“Calm down,” TJ said, his eyes twinkling with laughter. “You’re Cyrus, right?”

“How do you –”

“I try to familiarise myself with all the interns. Especially the cute ones.”

Cyrus spluttered a nervous laugh and ducked his head, studiously avoiding TJ’s eyes. He hadn’t expected the fellow to be so forward with his flirting. A couple of winks in the corridor was one thing, but face-to-face compliments? He hadn’t prepared himself for that. How was he supposed to respond?

“Relax,” TJ said, as if he could sense the mental breakdown currently taking place inside his mind. “I’m only messing with you.”

For some reason, that didn’t make him feel any better. If anything, it made him feel worse. Disappointed. Did TJ flirt like this with all the interns? Was Cyrus nothing more than an easily-flustered nerd for him to play games with? Or was he completely overthinking this and acting like an idiot? It was probably the latter.

“Sorry,” he said, smiling and exhaling at the same time. “I guess I’m a little on edge.”

TJ grinned. “Little kids aren’t that scary, you know?”

“It’s the parents I’m most worried about.”

“Now that’s a legitimate fear.”

The two of them shared a smile, and Cyrus could feel the blush finally draining from his cheeks. When he wasn’t overanalysing every little thing TJ did, the man wasn’t too difficult to get along with. He was actually pretty nice. And… handsome? There was no point in denying it, especially inside his own head. TJ Kippen was a very handsome man, and Cyrus was at least 60% attracted to him. Maybe even more. Well, definitely more, but that wasn’t the point. Cyrus had never felt so comfortable about his sexuality – a thing only he, Buffy, and Andi were aware of – before. It was refreshing.

“We should probably get a move on,” TJ said, glancing down at his pager. When he looked back up at Cyrus, his usual smirk had fallen into place again. “There’s a broken arm with your name on it.”

“Um… Yay?”

“I love the enthusiasm.“ TJ gave him a quick wink, then spun on his heels and marched towards the doors. With his considerably long legs, it only took him a few strides to reach the other end of The Pit, leaving Cyrus standing by himself with his mouth hanging open. “Follow me, intern!”

Cyrus scrambled after him, the tail of his too-long coat slapping against the backs of his thighs as he rushed across the room. For the next few minutes, he followed TJ through the hospital, slipping through dense crowds and dodging incoming trolleys and wheelchairs as TJ seamlessly glided down the corridors. He clearly knew his way around the hospital, and Cyrus didn’t know whether to be impressed or intimidated.

“You still with me?” TJ asked over his shoulder.

Cyrus shouted a breathless “Yes” in response, almost running straight into the fellow’s back as he came to a sudden stop.

“Here we are.”

“Thank god,” Cyrus muttered under his breath.

TJ turned to him with a smile. He was standing with his arms folded in an authoritative kind of stance, but Cyrus could see the childlike excitement brimming beneath the surface. He obviously adored his job, and he couldn’t wait to share it with someone. Cyrus was just glad he got to be that lucky someone.

“This is this paediatrics ward,” TJ said, tapping a few things on his tablet as he swept Cyrus into a large room covered in stickers, paintings, and colourful posters.

“Wow,” Cyrus said, his heart fluttering at TJ’s responding grin.

“Impressive, right?”

“It’s amazing!”

“All of the paintings were made by the kids,” TJ explained as he guided Cyrus deeper into the room, taking a left at the end of the beds and down a corridor flanked by private rooms, some of them with crudely decorated nameplates hanging on the doors. “Painting seems to relax them, you know? The parents, too.”

Cyrus smiled at the back of TJ’s head, privately admiring the obvious affection the fellow had for his patients. “Looks like there’s a few budding artists in here.”

“Yeah.” TJ huffed a laugh. “Some of these kids are scarily talented. All of them, really, in their own little ways.”

“You really care about them, huh?”

TJ paused, his back still turned to Cyrus. The stiff set of the fellow’s shoulders made him worry he’d said something wrong, but when TJ turned to face him, his eyes were as bright as the radiant smile dimpling his cheeks. 

“I do,” he said sincerely. “Working here… I’ve seen some stuff that’s changed me, made me wanna throw in the towel and get out of medicine altogether. It’s not always easy, taking the responsibility of a child’s life into your hands.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, a shuddering breath passing between his fingers. “But then I think of all the kids I’ve saved, all the ones that still pay me visits and send me thank you cards, and it makes everything else worth it. The bad times. The hard times.” He smiled. “Working in paediatrics is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.”

Cyrus swallowed thickly, his fingers twitching with the urge to reach out and comfort the other man. But then TJ blinked, and the unshed tears in his eyes were replaced by a familiar hint of playful arrogance that made Cyrus’ heart stutter with uncontrollable desire. 

“Sorry for the sob story,” TJ said, flashing him a smile. “I guess I can’t control myself around cute guys.”

Cyrus spluttered. “Wait, what? Are you telling me that was just an elaborate pickup line?”

“Well, it was true,” TJ said, his lips twitching as he fought back a smirk. “I really do love the kids here, and working in paediatrics really is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. But I need to exaggerate it a little bit for the guys, you know? The sad, brooding doctor act never fails to work wonders.”

“That’s… kinda messed up.”

TJ shook his head. “Nah. The kids here are constantly bugging me about my love life. They’re kinda like my mini wingmen.”

“You’re sick,” Cyrus said, but his words were light with laughter. There was something quite endearing about the thought of TJ’s patients being so invested in finding him a boyfriend. But he still couldn’t ignore the dull pang of jealousy deep down in his stomach when he pictured TJ recycling the same, meaningless lines on a bunch of other guys who weren’t him.

“You say sick, I say smart. Agree to disagree?”

Cyrus rolled his eyes and smiled. “Sure.”

“Great.”

For a moment, neither of them said a word. They just stood there in silence, barely inches apart in the near-empty corridor, and smiled at each other. But then a child started crying a few rooms down, effectively ruining the moment, and they both sprung apart, staring down at the floor and rubbing the backs of their necks like a couple of guilty teenagers. 

“So, um…. We should probably stop chatting and actually do some work,” TJ said. There was a light dusting of pink on his cheeks, the closest Cyrus had ever seen the fellow to getting flustered, but other than that, he seemed completely unaffected by the unshifting tension in the air. “You ready to start?”

Cyrus licked his lips and nodded. “Yes.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

The next few hours passed in a blur of wailing children and anxious parents, all of them with an abundance of questions that Cyrus wasn’t sure how to answer. Luckily, TJ was always by his side, offering his support whenever he noticed Cyrus struggling. When the fellow was totally immersed in his job, and not trying to woo Cyrus with dazzling smiles and wry comments, he was actually a very gentle and patient person, and Cyrus found himself falling deeper and deeper for the other man as the seconds ticked by. 

“You’re good with kids,” he blurted out at one point, after TJ had given a little girl a lollipop in exchange for her sitting still for an injection. When TJ looked at him, clearly taken aback by the unexpected compliment, Cyrus felt his face flush. “I mean… You definitely made the right career choice.”

TJ’s surprise softened into fondness, his eyes flicking curiously over Cyrus’ pinkening face. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You’re not too bad yourself, you know?”

Cyrus snorted. “Yeah… I’m not so sure about that.”

“Trust me,” TJ said, placing a steady hand on his shoulder. “You’re doing great. More than great.”

Beneath the touch of TJ’s fingertips, Cyrus’ skin sizzled and ached with longing. It seeped into his veins and punctured his heart, oozing a strange combination of fear and excitement that flooded his chest with warmth.

“Thank you, TJ,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

They were standing so close that TJ could probably feel the heat of Cyrus’ blush in the tight space between them. If it weren’t for the little girl happily sucking on the strawberry lollipop in her bed right next to them, Cyrus might’ve done something stupid, like lean forward and kiss the other man. In fact, he might’ve kissed him anyway – privacy be damned – if one the attendings hadn’t suddenly appeared and stolen the fellow away from him.

While TJ was going over some charts with the attending in the corner of the room, occasionally glancing over the elderly woman’s shoulder and meeting his eyes with a secret smile, Cyrus busied himself by smoothing the sheets at the end of the little girl’s bed.

“Enjoying your lollipop?” he asked her, trying his best to ignore the heat of TJ’s distant gaze.

The girl swung her head up and down. “Yep.”

“How’s your arm?”

“Better.”

“Well, you’re braver than I am,” he said. “I used to be terrified of needles when I was your age.”

“I thought you were a doctor?”

Cyrus laughed. “Yeah, well… I’m a doctor in training. But the needles still freak me out a little bit.” He glanced around the room, pretending to make sure no one could hear them, then leaned across the bed and pressed a finger to his lips. “That’s our little secret, okay?”

The girl giggled and nodded, using her lollipop to draw an invisible cross over her heart. “I promise I won’t tell!”

“You’re a star.” Cyrus lifted his hand, and the girl slapped a high-five onto his palm. “Maybe you can teach me how to be as brave as you are someday.”

“Okay!”

When he turned away from the bed, Cyrus was surprised to find TJ watching him from across the room, his eyes lidded softly. Despite the attending still yapping in his ear, TJ’s attention was fixed solely on him, and Cyrus couldn’t seem to wrangle himself free from the fellow’s unwavering gaze. Probably because he didn’t want to. It felt nice to have someone look at him like that, even if it was just a well-rehearsed act for flirting with random men.

It doesn’t feel like an act, a voice whispered in his heart.

Cyrus sucked in a deep breath, still staring intensely at TJ, then allowed himself to smile. It felt dangerous, succumbing to this, but he didn’t care. Especially when TJ returned his smile with a boyish grin that made his eyes dance like scattered sunlight cascading through the trees.

“Are you even listening?” he heard the attending say.

TJ tore his eyes away from Cyrus and cleared his throat. “Sorry, yes. Go on…” 

As the attending continued to ramble, TJ flicked one last smirk across the room, and Cyrus felt his heart soar. It was like being back in High School, passing suggestive notes under the desk and grinning like an idiot every time your hands brushed.

“I think Dr. Kippen likes you,” the little girl said, leaning across the bed to poke Cyrus in the arm. Her strawberry-tinted lips were stretched into an impish smile. “Do you like him back?”

Cyrus blushed furiously. “I… I don’t… Um…”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“How old are you?”

“Six and three quarters,” the girl said, sitting up straight to make herself seem bigger.

“Okay.” Cyrus reached forward and ruffled her hair. “Well, I don’t think you’re quite old enough to understand –”

“He looks at you the way my daddy looks at my mommy,” the girl interjected, jutting out her chin defiantly. “He never looks at other boys like that. Just you.”

Cyrus felt his stomach drop. “Really?”

“Uh huh.”

“Oh.”

“So?” The girl ripped the lollipop out of her mouth and waved it impatiently in the air. “Do you like him or not?”

Cyrus risked a glance across the room. Even from this distance, he could still appreciate the fellow’s profile – the long slope of his nose; the sandy swoop of his hair; the delicate curve of his smile… There was no denying how handsome TJ was, just as there was no denying his ever-deepening feelings for the other man.

“Yes, I like him,” Cyrus admitted with a sigh of defeat. “I like him a lot.”

~~~~~

By the time Cyrus dragged himself into the interns’ locker room at the end of his shift, it was verging on ten o’clock, the crisp morning light he’d last seen filtering through the boxy window at the back of the room now reduced to a deep, almost inky black. It was a few weeks shy of winter, and the nights were now long, dark, and cold. He was almost tempted to return to the paediatrics ward, where the corridors were bright and warm, and TJ’s dazzling smile was there to keep him company. But after sixteen hours of stitching gashes, poking needles, and splinting broken bones – all the while trying not to spontaneously combust every time TJ so much as looked at him – all he really wanted to do was go home and get some rest.

He was pulling a dark green sweater over his head when someone else came through the door, silencing the idle chatter of the interns dotted around the room. Confused, Cyrus wriggled his head into the light and peered around the lockers, barely containing a gasp when he saw TJ standing in the doorway. The moment their eyes met, the fellow turned to the other interns and swapped his easy smile for an intimidating glare.

“Clear the room,” he said, the commanding tone of his voice leaving no room for argument. “I need to have a word with Goodman.”

It only took a handful of seconds for the interns to follow orders, all of them practically tripping over each other in their haste to get out of the room. When the last of them had disappeared, leaving him and TJ alone, the fellow closed the door and joined Cyrus by the lockers.

“Sorry,” he said. “I just… I wanted to talk to you before you left.”

Cyrus tugged nervously at the hem of his sweater. “Did I do something wrong?”

“What? No! Nothing like that.”

“Oh.”

“I just wanted to tell you how great you were today,” TJ said, stammering slightly as a light blush crept up his neck and blotted his jawline. It was strangely comforting to see a hint of nerves amongst his seemingly limitless supply of confidence; it made him seem more human, and therefore more obtainable. “You should be really proud of yourself.”

“I am,” Cyrus said, nibbling at the shy smile slowly blooming across his face. A beat of silence passed, and he took a step closer to TJ, daring a glance at the other man’s face – so close, it was almost blurred. “I’m glad you came here,” he added, his voice breathy. “I wanted to thank you, for being such a good teacher.”

TJ shrugged. “I mean, it’s my job, so…”

“Just take the compliment,” Cyrus said, rolling his eyes with a teasing smile. “You were great, too.”

For a moment, TJ’s face fell slack, and Cyrus was worried he’d overstepped somehow. But then the fellow swallowed thickly, his throat rippling, and reached out to touch Cyrus’ arm, tugging him forward slowly, cautiously, giving him the option to resist if he wanted to… But saying no to this was the last thing he wanted, so he stayed where he was, eyes falling closed and lips parting slightly, waiting for the warm pressure of TJ’s mouth against his own. And when it finally arrived, the breath hitching in his throat and stars swimming behind his eyelids, it was everything he’d hoped for and more. So much more.

“Wow,” he mumbled as they pulled apart, his hands fisting in the lapels of TJ’s coat. “That was…”

“Unexpected?”

“Yeah.” He laughed, breathless and giddy. “But, also no.”

TJ lifted an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Well, you have been flirting with me or a while now. I mean, you’re not exactly subtle.”

“You didn’t seem to respond to subtlety,” TJ said, smirking slightly as his fingers brushed the back of Cyrus’ neck, “so I had to kick it up a notch.”

Cyrus grinned. “That’s fair.”

“I’m glad you approve.”

“I do.” He placed a hand on TJ’s chest and chuckled, already leaning in for another kiss. “You really are a good teacher…”

Before their lips could connect for a second time, TJ pulled away, the warmth of his fingers slipping from Cyrus’ neck. “Are we still talking about paediatrics?” he asked, a frown creasing his brow.

“Sure,” Cyrus said, winking clumsily. “Amongst other things.”

He leaned in once again, but TJ rebuffed him, his lips thinning into a grimace as he loosened Cyrus’ grip on his coat. “Hang on,” he said, keeping Cyrus an arm’s length away. “Was… Was that your first kiss with a guy?”

Cyrus winced. “Is that problem?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Y-You said you wanted to teach me,” Cyrus said. He heard the desperation in his own voice and cringed, a distant echo of shame pounding in his ears. He clenched his fists and tried again. “You said you would teach me, and I want to learn.”

“Look.” TJ closed his eyes and inhaled through his noise, like he was trying to keep his temper in check. When he opened them again, Cyrus saw the pity staring back at him and shrank away, embarrassed and ashamed and confused. “You’re cute, Cyrus. And I like you. I really do, but… I’ve done my coming out already. I can’t go through that again, okay?”

“You wouldn’t have to!”

“You’re new to this. I get that. And I’m glad you’re trying to figure yourself out and everything. But I don’t wanna be a part of it.” He shook his head and sighed. “I can’t teach you how to do this.”

“But –”

“You need help with paediatrics? I’m there. But not with this.”

Cyrus hunched his shoulders, a flash of anger slicing through the muddle of emotions storming inside his chest. “So, what? I’m not experienced enough for you? Is that it?”  

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you!” TJ exclaimed, tearing a hand through his hair. The violent swipe of his fingers ruffled the gel-stiffened waves, fluffing them out and sending locks of hair flopping over his forehead. He looked much better like that, despite everything. “I just don’t wanna help you out of the closet, okay? That’s something you’ve gotta do by yourself.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You will,” TJ said grimly. “When you’ve spent years learning to accept yourself, you’ll understand.”

“You have no idea what I’ve been through,” Cyrus said, sniffing back tears.

TJ cocked his head in agreement. “Fair enough. But that doesn’t change anything.” He flitted his eyes over Cyrus’ face once more, his breath catching in hesitation, then finally turned around. With his hand on the door, he flicked a parting glance over his shoulder and sighed. “I’m sorry, Cyrus.”

And just like that, he was gone.

~~ ~~~

“What an ass,” Buffy said, crushing an empty can of soda in her fist with one squeeze. Outside, the rain was screaming and whirling like an angry spirit, and the three of them were waiting it out in the cafeteria. “Do you want me to talk to him? Beat him up for you?”

Cyrus snorted. “Thanks, Buffy… But, no. I just wanna forget about him altogether.”

“You seem really upset,” Andi said softly.

“I guess.”

“You really liked him, huh?”

Cyrus shrugged in frustration. Not at Andi, but at himself. “I can’t believe I let myself fall for someone like TJ Kippen. I mean, he probably flirts with anything that moves! I should’ve known better.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Buffy assured him. “He led you on, Cyrus. We all saw it.”

“I just don’t understand,” he sighed. “I thought he actually liked me. It felt like he did.”

“He manipulated you.”

Andi frowned. “Not necessarily.”

“What are you talking about?” Buffy said, her eyebrows lifting incredulously. “He’s been flirting with Cyrus for weeks, and the moment he had him where he wanted him, he changed his mind. It was all just a game!”

“You don’t know what it’s like to come out,” Andi shot back, making Buffy flinch in surprise. “When Amber asked me out, I was a mess. I’d never been with another girl before. And if it hadn’t been for her patience and understanding –”

“Gross.”

“– we probably wouldn’t be together right now. But it isn’t so easy for everyone.” She turned away from Buffy and took Cyrus’ hand, sweeping a comforting thumb over his knuckles. “You don’t know how difficult it was for TJ to come out. It might not be something he wants to revisit, and you asking him to walk you through the basics of being gay isn’t gonna help that.”

Cyrus balked. “That isn’t what I wanted! I just… I wanted to learn from him because I like him.”

“Exactly,” Andi said. “You wanted him to teach you.”

“No, that’s not –”

“Be honest with yourself, Cy. Try and see things from TJ’s point of view.”

Cyrus thought back to their conversation in the locker room, how quickly TJ’s softness had hardened into rejection the moment he’d realised how inexperienced Cyrus was, the distance in his eyes when he’d turned him down… He didn’t want to be Cyrus’ teacher. That much was obvious. But what if the rest of it had been real? What if Cyrus really was the one in the wrong here?

“Oh my god,” he whispered to himself, the blood draining from his face as realisation dawned on him. “He thought I was using him.”

Andi smiled knowingly. “And you thought he was using you.”

“It was just a misunderstanding!”

“Yep.”

“Hang on a second,” Buffy interrupted, wagging a finger in the air as she struggled to catch up. “I’m confused.”

“Cyrus thought TJ rejected him because he was inexperienced,” Andi explained in a slow, patronising tone of voice. She was clearly enjoying being ahead of Buffy for once. “But TJ actually rejected him because he thought Cyrus was using him to gain experience. Do you get it now?”

Buffy folded her arms and grumbled. “I suppose…”

“Even so,” Cyrus said, his mind still buzzing with a thousand fleeting thoughts, “he didn’t need to turn me down so abruptly. I mean, he didn’t even let me explain!”

“Maybe he was upset?”

“So was I!”

“Cyrus.” Andi squeezed his hand and smiled. “You like him, don’t you? You said it yourself. And he likes you. I know he does. So why are you trying so hard to talk yourself out of this?” She scooted closer across the bench and rested her head on his shoulder. “You can’t let a stupid misunderstanding ruin this for you.”

Cyrus stared down at his hands, a trembling bundle in his lap, and exhaled a shaky breath. “What if you’re wrong?” he asked, the roaring of the rain outside almost swallowing his words. “What if he doesn’t like me because he thinks I’m naïve?”

“Then he would be an ass,” Andi said. “But I don’t think that’s true.”

Buffy groaned. “I hate to admit, but I think she’s right… I’ve seen the way he looks at you. There’s no faking that.”

“I’ve never been with a guy before,” Cyrus whimpered, stating what they both already knew. “What if I’m bad at it? What if I do need someone to teach me?”

“You’re gay,” Buffy said simply. “You don’t need someone to teach you what you already know.”

Before Cyrus could protest any further, one of the doors leading outside opened with a heavy thump, and TJ came stumbling into the cafeteria, thoroughly soaked to the bone. There was water streaming down his face, a sheet of dark blond hair covering his eyes, and his scrubs were completely sodden. Cyrus could do nothing but watch in stunned silence as the fellow shook himself out like a large dog and blindly collapsed into a nearby chair. It was only when he swept the hair out of his eyes that he noticed Cyrus watching him.

“Oh,” he said. “I, um… I’ll go somewhere else –”

“Why were you outside?” Buffy asked him, her expression flitting between amused and repulsed. “You know it’s pouring it down, right?”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.”

“You’re not very smart for a fellow, are you?”

TJ gave her a tight, acidic smile. “I know you haven’t been here long, intern, but not every ward in this hospital is conveniently connected by corridors.”

Buffy simply glowered in response.

“C’mon, guys,” Andi said, smiling nervously as she attempted to smooth things over. “We’re all adults, aren’t we? I’m sure we can sit here without arguing until the rain stops.”

“Actually, I’m gonna go.” TJ scraped back his chair and got to his feet, the soles of his shoes squeaking against the wet floor. For a brief moment, his eyes landed on Cyrus, but they quickly danced away and returned to the rain lashing against the windows instead. “Wish me luck, I guess.”

Cyrus was standing before he’d even decided to follow him.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to talk to him.”

“But, the rain –”

“A little water’s not gonna hurt me,” he said. “But losing TJ will.”

Buffy gagged. “Okay, I know you’re in love and everything, but there was no need for that level of cheese.”

“Don’t listen to her,” Andi said, beaming as she reached out and squeezed Cyrus’ hand. “Go get him, Cy!”

As soon as he opened the door, the rain hit him like a thousand flecks of ice, instantly raising the hair on his arms and turning his cheeks a deep, stinging shade of pink. But there was no going back now. He could see TJ’s retreating form just ahead, quickly fading in the grey smudge of rain sweeping across his vision. If he didn’t move now, he would lose him, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able find the courage to confront him like this again.

So he ran.

“TJ!” The wind picked up his words and tossed them into the sky, becoming one with the rain and sinking into the wet earth beneath his feet. “TJ, wait!”

With his nose buried in the crook of his arm to shield his face from the storm, he chased after the distant speck of white with all the energy he could muster. By the time his hand latched onto the soggy tail of TJ’s coat, his legs were burning, despite the rain leeching through his scrubs, and he could barely breathe enough air into his lungs to spit out a single word. But, luckily, TJ didn’t shove him away like he’d expected him to. He stood there, quiet and grim, as Cyrus caught his breath, seemingly indifferent to the darkening clouds above their heads, and waited.

“I… I need… I need to talk to you.”

TJ looked away. “You’re only making this harder, Cyrus.”

“But you don’t understand!”

“What don’t I understand?” he asked, spraying Cyrus with droplets of rain as he whipped around to face him. “You’re new to the whole coming out thing. You wanna have some fun, figure yourself out… I get it. But I’m not interested in playing a one-time part in your journey to self-discovery. I want something that’s gonna last, okay? A relationship that means something, for once. And you’re obviously not looking for that kind of thing, so –”

“Don’t tell me what I’m looking for!” Cyrus yelled. “Just because I’m inexperienced, doesn’t mean I’m ignorant. I’ve known what I want for a very long time. And for some bizarre reason, you happen to be it!”

“Cyrus –”

“I fell in love with one of my best friends when I was thirteen. I’ve known I was gay for almost half my life. So don’t you dare stand there and accuse me of not understanding the struggles of learning to accept yourself, because I’ve lived it too! And just because I’ve never been with another guy before, doesn’t mean I’m not sure of who I am, or what I want!”

“Okay –”

“And maybe you don’t want the responsibility of being my first boyfriend. Maybe you’re scared it will be awkward and difficult and too much work. I understand that. But that doesn’t give you the right to jump to conclusions and ignore me!”

At this point, TJ was smirking, and Cyrus could feel his anger rising and rising, like a pot of water close to boiling over.

“Are you done yet?” the fellow asked, taking a step towards him. 

Cyrus shoved him away and growled. “No, I’m not done yet! Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me? I’ve spent nearly thirteen years hiding from who I really am, terrified of getting hurt all over again. I’ve been hiding for so long that I forgot what it felt like to be me.” He shook his head, half-choking on a sob. “And then you kissed me, and I felt like I existed again.”

TJ stopped smirking.

“I don’t know what this means to you. I don’t know if you like flirting with me, and that’s it, or if you actually wanna be with me. Either way, it doesn’t matter… I was a goner the moment you winked at me.” He shrugged his shoulders and laughed. It felt good to be honest. It felt like the rain -  crazy and reckless and real. “I’ll admit I’m inexperienced. And awkward. And I tend to say the wrong things at the wrong times.” He smiled. “But I’m also nice. And loyal. And my friends think I’m a catch. So if you still wanna turn me down, that’s fine. But if you decide to give this a chance, you won’t regret it, because –”

The rest of his words were swallowed by a kiss.

Cyrus made a little squawk of surprise as TJ’s lips melted against his own, all of his pent up frustration seeping out of him within seconds, leaving him weightless and airy, elastic and free… He clutched onto TJ’s shoulders and whimpered slightly, losing himself to the melodic whoosh of the rain as TJ pulled him impossibly closer.

“I didn’t think you liked me,” he mumbled between kisses, gently tucking the hair behind Cyrus’ ears. “I thought… I thought –”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry, Cyrus.”

“Hey.” He cupped TJ’s face and pressed their foreheads together, breathing him in. “You have nothing to apologise for. I’m the idiot who made you think you were nothing more than a practice boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?”

Cyrus froze, his face flushing darkly. “I didn’t mean –”

“If you tell me you didn’t mean to call me your boyfriend, I’m gonna be really upset.”

“Wait, you… You want me to call you that?”

“It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” TJ tilted his head to the side, revealing the wicked slice of a smile lifting the corner of his mouth. “Like you said, I’ve been flirting with you for a while now. And this is what usually comes after the flirting.”

“What is this exactly?”

TJ shrugged, the confidence in his smile not quite reaching his eyes. “Me asking you out?”

“Really?”

“Well, yeah. Unless you don’t –”

“I just chased you through a storm in nothing but scrubs and poured out my heart to you like we’re in a Hallmark movie, and you honestly don’t think I wanna be your boyfriend?”

“Um –”

“You’re such an idiot,” he laughed, palming the back of TJ’s neck and kissing him softly. All around them, the sky shivered and wept, bathing them in tears of joy as they clung onto each other for dear life, laughing and hugging and basking in the rain. 

~~~~~

Cyrus tugged the fleece blanket over his shoulders and tucked it under his chin, shuddering with relief as the heat pulsing from the radiator slowly filled the on-call room. He could still feel the occasional drop of rain rolling down his spine, but at least he could also feel his toes again. And the hot cocoa TJ had placed in his hands a few minutes ago was quickly thawing his icy palms as well.

“Thank you,” his said, lips trembling as he took a tentative sip from the steaming cup. The burn was delicious.

TJ wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer, until he was practically sitting on his lap. Despite being equally soaked, TJ seemed to radiate warmth at all times, and Cyrus couldn’t resist snuggling against his boyfriend’s – yes, boyfriend’s – chest.  

“You smell like rain,” he mumbled.

“So do you.”

“Yeah. It’s quite nice, actually.”

He closed his eyes, ear pressed against the steady beating of TJ’s heart. The sudden shift from freezing to cosy was taking its toll, making him feel sluggish and loose-lipped. He had no idea what he was going to say until the words tumbled out of his mouth.

“Did you only kiss me to shut me up?”

TJ chuckled. “How could I not kiss you when you were being so damn cute?” He threaded his fingers through Cyrus’ hair, gently undoing all the frazzled knots left behind by the rain. “But I’m sorry for interrupting your Hallmark speech. What else were you gonna say?”

“I was more or less done,” Cyrus admitted. “I was just gonna reassure you that you wouldn’t have to go through the drama of coming out all over again.”

TJ sighed, shifting on the bed so Cyrus was laying across his legs, looking up at him. “I’m sorry for everything I said the other day,” he said quietly, his fingers resuming their careful exploration of Cyrus’ hair. “I just… I don’t wanna be involved in another shame spiral, you know?”

“I’m not spiralling,” Cyrus told him. “And I’m definitely not ashamed.”

“I know.”

“I’m not afraid, either.”

“It’s okay if you are.”

“I’m not.” He reached up and touched TJ’s face, tracing the fine bones beneath his lightly-stubbled cheeks. “You’re so beautiful.”

TJ grinned. “Wow, you’re a sap.”

“Too much?”

“No. Definitely not.”

“Good, because I’m just getting started…”

When their lips were mere inches apart, TJ’s pager started buzzing at his hip, and Cyrus was caught between laughter and tears as he moved off the fellow’s lap so he could check it. All he wanted to do was stay in this tiny room, with the lights low and the rain pattering against the window, and kiss his boyfriend. But when there were little kids with scraped knees and poorly tummies waiting for his assistance, Cyrus didn’t mind letting him go. This was the life they’d both chosen for themselves, after all.

“I’m sorry,” TJ huffed, already half-standing. “Duty calls.”

Cyrus gave him a sleepy smile. “It’s okay.”

“You gonna stay here and rest for a while?”

“Mmm…”

The next thing he knew, TJ was gently prying the half-empty cup from his hands and lowering his head onto a pillow. Cyrus could hear the smile in his voice as he leaned over and kissed the sensitive spot behind his ear, whispering goodbye.

“I’ll come find you later, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“Now who’s being a sap?”

“Me,” TJ said simply, planting one last kiss on Cyrus’ forehead as he got to his feet.  

Before he could leave, Cyrus grabbed onto his elbow and ushered him closer. TJ obliged with a fond little smile, crouching down beside the bed, and allowed Cyrus to kiss him on the lips once more.

“I’ll miss you too,” Cyrus murmured softly, bumping their noses together.

After a few more parting kisses (with Cyrus promising each one would be the last) TJ managed to escape the on-call room, pausing briefly in the doorway to wave Cyrus goodbye and mockingly blow him a kiss. Joke or not, Cyrus still pretended to catch it mid-air and press it against his mouth, to which TJ blushed like a schoolboy and walked backwards into the wall, before stammering a final goodbye and disappearing down the corridor. Cyrus stared at the spot where the fellow had once stood until his eyelids began to droop closed.  

He’d barely been asleep for five minutes when the door slammed open again, no doubt leaving a mark where it collided with the wall. His eyes sprang open as he sat bolt upright, only to find Buffy and Andi standing in the middle of the room, pointing at him accusingly with their mouths gaping open.

“You both look ridiculous,” he said, collapsing back against his pillow.

“We saw you kissing TJ in the rain!” Buffy exclaimed.

Andi nodded in agreement. “Yes! We saw you through the window! Cyrus –”

“Okay, okay… We kissed. What’s the big deal?”

“We’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

“Here I am.”

“Where’s TJ?”

“Or should we say, where’s your boyfriend?”

Cyrus shrugged. “Well, considering TJ and I are dating now, I guess you should say that.”

All at once, Buffy and Andi were crowded around him, jumping on the bed and shaking his arms as they bombarded him with a thousand overlapping questions. He didn’t say a word, just sat there and soaked in the attention with a smug little smile, his thoughts slipping back to TJ. The dirty-blond in the dark blue scrubs. The paediatrics fellow. His boyfriend.

And for the first time in almost thirteen years, he actually felt like himself again.

The End.

~~~~~

Thank you again for your patience, @tyrusflavoredtea. I can’t wait to receive more wonderful prompts from you!

[qveenpoppy]

WAIT WAIT I GOT IT

okay andi gets an invite to some international student art showcase in paris and she gives up her school-issued first class ticket so she can afford to fly coach with the rest of the gang (assuming that many tickets costs the same as one first class one)

while there, buffy gets into competitive biking (bc she gets inspired to compete in the tour de france even though she knows she's nowhere near ready, it takes some convincing from marty to talk her down from it, ending in them taking a casual bike ride through the city, though she still races him back to the hotel)

cyrus and tj have been dating for a year or two now but have never exchanged "i love you"s, so cyrus is suddenly questioning everything (but while he notices tj being distant, tj's actually in the process of planning a surprise date for cyrus to celebrate their anniversary where he takes them to the eiffel tower and they do one of those love lock things, and tj says those three words and cyrus cries and kisses him)

a favorite band of jonah's is on the european leg of their tour and jonah wants to see the show but can't get in, maybe bc the timing conflicts with andi's showcase, but he accidentally runs into the lead singer in the hotel (who's played by zachary levi bc i said so) and ends up playing for him and gets an invite to join the band at their concert (but jonah ends up choosing the showcase instead so he can support andi, but then he runs into the band again at the hotel that night and gets an invite to open for them on the rest of the tour, or maybe when they return to the us, and jonah gladly accepts the offer)

oh and andi is super nervous about the showcase and it takes a pep talk with amber (and the rest of the gang, who run just a teeny bit late from their other activities) to reassure her that she can do this

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 1x05 Digging Up Bones

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Stray thoughts

1) Does Wynonna have prophetic dreams like Buffy? I mean, she’s obviously haunted by her dad’s and sister’s deaths, but I can’t help but think there must be some underlying meaning to her nightmares…

2) #same

And something about the camera angle and the lighting gives this scene a dream-like quality? Is she still dreaming?

3) Ugh this dude is still there?

Well, I guess not any more…

4) 😊

I love how distracted Wynonna is by looking at Dolls because, let’s be real, who wouldn’t?

5) I’m guessing Wynonna has some kind of history with this judge guy.

6) What do you know, Purgatory is as corrupted as Sunnydale or Neptune. But at least Dolls knows how to play the game.

7) See? They are a Scooby Gang!

DOLLS: Waverly will stake the place out during the raid and photograph anyone she sees. Doc will come down, see if he recognizes anyone - from the old days.

8)

WYNONNA: Aw, there's a little rebel in there.

DOLLS: Not that little.

9) The creepy-crawler dude has it out for Doc, but like, Doc only did what Bobo ordered him to?

10) I feel Wynonna not playing by the rules is going to be both her saving grace and her downfall in this journey. For instance, she pushed the situation at the trailer park until she got what she wanted – she got Bobo arrested. But Bobo saw Waverly taking pictures, and we know Bobo has a special place in his heart for Waverly…

11) I agree with Dolls, though. Wynonna will have to learn when to play by the rules and when to break them. She needs to learn to walk that thin line because if she doesn’t, it could backfire.

12) Holy shit, this scene!

My heart was thumping during their whole exchange, it was so tense and scary. For the first time, I was legit terrified of Bobo and what he could do. I mean, I don’t think there was much he could do (although I suspect he could’ve broken free if he’d wanted to, he was probably just being smart and trying to play nice.) But just the way he stared at Waverly and talked to her and pointed at her? CHILLS.

And this?

WAVERLY: Why, when I was little, did you choose me to manipulate? Huh? Because I was gullible? Weak?

BOBO: Weak is something you've never been. I chose you because you were angry.

WAVERLY: I wasn't angry.

BOBO: You sure?

WAVERLY: I'm not, OK?

BOBO: You've got depths that neither of us know the bottom of yet. Trust me.

What will be these depths Bobo is talking about?

13) WHAT THE FUCK!!! HOW DID HE DO THAT!!!

Like, he couldn’t use it, but damn if he didn’t prove a point! And what type of superpowers does he have? And WHY? What makes him more special than the rest of the revenants? Is it the fact that he knows the name of the Stone Witch?

14)  Miss Stone? Is she the Stone Witch????

15) Wynonna just got kidnapped by a revenant and guess which is the dynamic duo coming to the rescue?

16) If it wasn’t the judge the one who tipped Bobo off about the raid, then who was it? There were only so many people who knew it was going down, right?

17) So this guy conveniently knows who The Seven are? He even has photographic evidence? And he’s Doc’s bestie, apparently?

18) Is Bobo being… abused?

19) She’s definitely the Stone Witch. Constance or Clootie or Miss Stone.

20) Okay…

This was some twisted fifty shades of weird stuff. What type of relationship do they have? He’s suggested he has some power because he knows the Stone Witch’s real name, which is why he’s the only one who can leave the Ghost River triangle limits. So I assumed that gave him some power over her, but it seems he’s totally submissive in their relationship? And what did she mean when she said that she could “hear them”? I don’t think she’s talking about the revenants…

21) How did Wynonna not realize that this dude was gay? Like, he was drooling over Doc. Then again, who wouldn’t be? Also, I really love the implications that Doc probably knew about his sexuality and was supportive of him? That’s some progressive shit for the Far West…

22) She keeps staring at his lips as he talks and I’m here for this shit…

23) “Earps. Always trying to cut filthy little deals whenever it suits them.” Is he talking about Wynonna’s father? And what type of filthy deal did he cut? Will we find out?

24) Oh, this fucking dude is channeling her father’s voice! That’s messed up!

25) This reminded me of Buffy in When She Was Bad…

26) Creepy Crawler Dude was the photographer! Does this mean that Doc knew who he was when he pushed him over the limits and tied him up? Like, he met up with his old buddy and knew that he’d given his soul mate a death sentence and didn’t say anything?

27) Did this dude really think he’d remind Wynonna of what they’d done to her sister and she’d let him live?

28) Ha!

It’s science.

Favorite out-of-context line.

29) Hahaha I died! The boobs didn’t work, Doc had to flirt with the ladies!

30) Dolls stopped playing by the rules when the judge insulted Wynonna. And is the judge a fucking child molester? I hope someone gets to cut his dick off.

31) I couldn’t take this scene seriously because of his fucking face hahahaha!

Did she put a spell on him or something?

32) Okay, Doc didn’t know that Levi was Fish’s partner. That makes me feel better about him chaining him up.

33) Eeewwww he chewed off his foot????

I thought he’d just cut it off!

And I just realized maybe that was barely any better.

34) Will this give Wynonna a different perspective on revenants?

I mean, how can it not?

I really love this idea that not all revenants are psychopathic criminals, and that some were people who made poor choices in life. It cannot be all black or white, and I think this will probably be one of the toughest lessons Wynonna will have to learn.

She’s gonna kill them and I’m not ready for it.

35) What the fuck is her deal?

Who are her boys? What is this “lead” she’s promised Bobo? And why is she scared of Doc? It didn’t seem that way when they met earlier…

36) holY FUCJJLASLDJLAD

I literally spent 5 minutes rewatching that scene… It really caught me off guard, and I was so caught up in what they were talking about because it felt like a defining moment for both of them, you know? Wynonna coming to the realization that she cannot be driven only by revenge, and that she needs to face the fact that not all revenants are demons; Doc defining himself as a monster and embracing his thirst for revenge, even though it seems he’s blaming Constance for a choice he made? And then Doc saying that he and Wynonna are exactly the same… and then… yeah, that was a defining moment for both of them, alright...

Damn, that was hot. I think it’s going on my Epic First Kisses list. Damn. I need to watch that again, excuse me.

I really didn’t expect them to go there this soon into the show? Like, the chemistry between Wynonna and Doc was obviously off the charts, but I thought the writers might want to milk the UST for a while before getting them together? Or maybe they would keep the sexual tension unresolved?

And now I’m freaking out because I fear it might be a one-time thing? Please don’t let it be a one-time thing.

37) Why was Doc in that well, by the way? Did I miss it or hasn’t it been explained yet?

38) Oh shit…

That’s probably the last picture of the Earp sisters together, isn’t it?

39) OH FUCK

So it was the fucking child molester the one who tipped off Bobo!!

40) Now that was some an episode alright! The plot advanced A LOT: we saw the face of the Stone Witch and learned a little bit more about her relationship with Bobo – although I still have so many questions! Waverly confronted Bobo and he hinted at her having some powers, we’re learning more about the involvement of the authorities in covering up the revenants and their dirty deeds, Wynonna learned that she cannot be driven by revenge and WYNONNA AND DOC FUCKING KISSED.

Also, I died!

This really felt like a pivotal episode, and I truly can’t wait to see the next one!

41) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[raelis1]

4,5,6,7

Thank you!

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

Yeah, Owari No Seraph, sort of. Well, no. I can’t really I say I regret it because I met some wonderful people through this fandom. But… I wish I had met them all through some other fandom instead. I find the manga so aggravating, it rivals Smallville as least favorite canon I was ever into.

5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for?

As a kid, I wrote fanfiction for The Hunchback of Notre-Dame (Disney version, with Esmeralda as my self-insert Sue who I paired off with an OC because I disliked Phoebus), Balto,The Little Memaid, DuckTales, Chip and Dales’ Rescue Rangers…

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

I’m gonna hide this under a read-more, okay? :)

The Lord of the Rings - Frodo/Sam. I wasn’t officially in fandom yet. I didn’t even know such a thing existed! But I was really into Frodo/Sam.

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic - Carth/female!Revan

Neverwinter Nights 2 - Sand/female!OC

Harry Potter - I was really into Harry/Snape because I was very upset that they didn't have canon reconciliation (though this was the fandom where I would read literally every pairing under the sun, and I actually started out with Snape/Lily)

Smallville - Clark/Lex

X-Men: First class - Charles/Erik

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Buffy/Faith, Buffy/Angel, Buffy/Spike

Stargate: Atlantis - John/Rodney

Fringe: Peter/Olivia

Farscape: John/Aeryn

Dragon Age series - male!Hawke/Fenris

Mass Effect series - female!Shepard/Garrus

SnK - Eren/Mikasa, Ymir/Historia

OnS - Mika/Yu

No 6 - Nezumi/Shion

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

I’m gonna be honest!

I have a few high-octane NOTPs right now: R*okira from D*vilmanCrybaby (even though I’m not actually in this fandom), Celene/Briala from Dragon Age, Yu/anyone and G*ren/anyone from Owari no Seraph.

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic - wasn’t a fan of Bastila/Canderous because I didn’t see the chemistry, and this pairing often showed up as the pair-the-spares in Carth/Revan fic (in fact, most of pair-the-spares ships in any fandom usually end up as my NOTPs)

Harry Potter - I didn’t like Harry/Ginny and James/Lily back then. But Harry/Ginny really grew on me after The Cursed Child.

Smallville - Lionel/anyone in a romantic relationship, but especially Lionel/Martha. I could read Lionel ships if they were dark and very explicitly non-romantic. Also, Clark/Lana, Lex/Lana, Clark/Oliver…

Dragon Age: Celene/Briala.

SnK - Reiner/Krista (or Reiner/Historia, both versions are a hard nope for me). Romantic Eren/Historia too. I used to dislike Levi/Mikasa and Jean/Mikasa, no strong feelings about them now. Eren/Armin content, unfortunately, kinda sorta makes me scroll down real fast, but that’s due to some unfortunate fandom experiences, definitely not the ship itself.

OnS - Yu/Guren, Yu/anyone really (and yes, this includes Mika/Yu -first fandom that turned an OTP into a NOTP!), Guren/anyone, Mika/Akane, Mika/Krul… that’s a lot of NOTPs!

I don’t have NOTPs in any of my other fandoms.

[drag-oon23]

10 Reasons why I love Wynonna Earp

I’ve made it no mystery that I really really *really* like Wynonna Earp. However, I don’t remember if I made a list detailing why I love it so much. So here’s a list with 10 reasons (because I love to ramble given an excuse):

In no particular order:

1. It gives a Buffy/Xena vibe complete with campiness and numerous one liners. Now, I know this turns off a bunch of people but for me? This is great! I love this aspect of the show so much since lots of shows these days have done away with silliness and are super serious 100% of the time. Wynonna? Nope! It knows what it is and does it shamelessly. It doesn’t take itself seriously while also delivering a pretty bleak storyline which just works in a quirky way.

2. The characters are just awesome. Wynonna as a tough badass with a good heart under all the one liners and snarkiness, Waverly being a shotgun wielding cinnamon roll, Dolls and his non-human stoic angst, Doc with his mustache, Haught being hawt, etc. etc. I could go on. Even the side characters get their moments like Gus confronting a Rev even though she *knows* they could tear her apart easily or Nedley casually having Haught’s back when Champ is being ass, etc. etc. It’s really a testament to the show that I actually remember names from the show. I have a very bad habit where I cannot remember character’s names and just go with generic descriptions ie “blonde girl with glasses, girl with long dark hair, nerdy dude, stoic dude, etc. etc.” Speaking of characters:

3. Wynonna Earp herself is a really interesting main character. She’s snarky, fiesty as hell, has one liners for everything, is usually quite observant about everything except her own family (we usually poke fun about her obliviousness to Wayhaught but she’s also oblivious to the tension between Willa and Waverly), is very casual about being tortured or torturing, has a background that makes batman’s look tame by comparison (aka woobie points lol), knows how to take care of herself, and is all around really interesting to observe.

4. Waverly Earp is just awesome. I love her so much. She’s a nerd who wields a shotgun, has a knowledge of the occult that Doctor Strange would be salivating over (Okay I’m stretching for this one, but I still stand by it! haha), has self esteem issues, has anger issues that she doesn’t show because it doesn’t match her “perky go happy” facade, learns some things about her sexuality, just go for it, etc. I love her :3

5. The sister relationship is so well portrayed. Wynonna being a protective big sis and who so clearly loves her lil sis. Waverly happy Wynonna is back full time but also having never before addressed grievances against Wynonna for being the One as well as abandonment issues. By all rights they could have easily have a hate/frosty relationship but nope!, they are sisters through and through and have each others back from the get go and love each other. Compare this with Willa’s return into the fold and how it disrupts their dynamic. Willa and Wynonna being close while little Waves being left aside. It’s all around really interesting dynamics.

6. The storyline itself. I’ll be the first to say that the pacing itself is a mess frankly. It’s hard to keep track of when something is happening in the general scope of things and why it’s important. But I can also say that I honestly care about what happens to all these idiots in the show. I wanna know whether Wynonna can kill the 77 revs, what’s up with Dolls’ eyes, is Waverly really an earp, how can the quirky town of Purgatory be so oblivious to all the strange happenings, who is JC, etc. etc. Many times I couldn’t care less about the main storyline and just care about my OTP (Doccubus, Swanqueen, Supercorp, Sleeping Warrior, etc.) but here I care.

7. Shoutout to the chinese rev who spoke chinese! You know how rare it is to have a chinese character in a western show who speaks chinese and it’s not treated as something exotic? He just speaks it, the other Revs understood what he said, and responded. That’s just awesome. I know he’s a baddy and needs to die by Wynonna’s hand eventually, but I am delighted whenever he makes an appearance. 

8. The Revs, when they’re not being generic baddies, are a pretty interesting bunch. Fish and Levi in particular intrigued me the most because they were so unlike their evil brethren. They were pretty much the only good Revs seen on the show. The Doctor rev was really creepy, the mirror rev slightly less creepy, the assassin rev had cool powers, etc. Bobo is the creepiest one of them all which is fitting.

9. The stone witch was very interesting. She’s disturbing in a different way from the Revs. It was pretty fun to speculate what her endgame was since she was pretty mysterious until the latter half of the series. I hope we see her again in season 2.

10. No list is complete without a mention of Wayhaught. I really like their storyline and development and how different it is to typical portrayals. Nicole is completely unambiguously gay and is a contrast to the typical lesbian predator who evokes feels and temptation leading to cheating angst trope. Soon as Waves mention she has a boyfriend, Nicole backs off to be a good supportive friend. Wynonna’s return into her life and NIcole’s friendship makes her think about her relationship with Champ and probably by extension her sexuality. And when she finally has enough of of the manchild? She dumps him like a load of potatoes because she realizes she deserves more. She’s Waverly Earp, expert on all things occult and Keeper of the bones, and she’s gonna jump Nicole’s bones. Which she does in glorious fashion. It’s just, so different from the typical “I’m totally 100% straight! No homo! Gonna screw with the boyfriend to prove how straight I am!” and/or cheating trope. And Nicole is so so supportive of Waves. She has Waves back no matter what, romantically or platonically. And Wynonna being instantly supportive of their relationship even though it took a while for her to realize it.

“Finally picked a smart one” indeed.

[mearlinknows]

A Tag of Things

I was tagged by @sepp-graywolf to do a tag thingie yay! Thanks for tagging me I love doing these~!

Relationship status: Single pringle, though I am trying, and failing, to date myself. What can I say, I’m not the easiest to love.

Favorite color: Green, and I must say I really like deep rich purples and pastel lilacs as well.

Lipstick or chapstick: Isn’t lipstick just chapstick but with color? I don’t really use either, but if I’d had to choose I think lipstick.

Last song I listened to: I haven’t listened to anything in a while, but the song that’s currently stuck in my head is Si Veriash la Rana by Yasmin Levy, a song we use during bellydancing.

Last movie I watched: The Craft, I liked it. I don’t want to talk about the last movie I saw in the cinema though. It was horrible, not a bad movie, and not badly written, but it was just... Infuriating.

Top 3 TV shows: Ohboy, I have watched so many but not a lot of them stuck out to me to be honest. I guess I really liked Penny Dreadful, Misfits and Parks and Rec. Oh and if Cartoons count it’s definitely Steven Universe, Gravity Falls and Rick and Morty!

Top 3 characters: Papa Emeritus III, Robbie Rotten and Spike from Buffy the Vampire slayer. And because this is a male dominated list I’m also making a top 3 for women: Peridot from Steven Universe, Mabel Pines and Lucy from Dracula.

Top 3 ships: Mabel and Mermando, Ruby and Sapphire, Kael’thas and "<insert instance name> was merely a setback”.

Books I’m currently reading: Desolation from Stephen King, I started reading the EDDA ages ago and forgot completely about it and that’s about it I think?

5 things in my bag: An empty laptop bag (because I’m writing this on said laptop), My sketchbook with a comic/childrens book that I need to work out because people keep tellling me I should publish it, study books for the lifeguard (swimming pool) course that I’m following, another notepad, a pen, Information booklets about the swimming pool where I get to do my internship, weed lollipops from that trip to Amsterdam I did a while ago, a weird cardboard cat/lion maw that you can stick on your nose and lastly, a powerbank and a small bottle of lemonade for on the go. Whoops that’s more than 5 I can’t count for shit.

5 things in my room: Okay I will stick to 5 I promise. Lots and lots of Fairylights, Lot’s and lots of empty flowerpots I want to fill with witchy herbs, My baby shaman drum, a game of Cards Against Humanity and a couch that can be turned into a bed covered in pillows so I can have people for sleepovers and make pillow forts in my own room.

5 things on my to-do list: I could do my today’s list but that’s boring and very short since I don’t have any obligations. So let’s do my life’s to do list, which is: take as many people as I can that haven’t been there yet to the Efteling, See Ghost live, make lot’s of costumes and dress up in them, go backpacking with friends and travel a lot and last but not least, build my own tiny house on wheels.

5 things I’m currently into: Bellydancing, the band Ghost, making costumes for conventions that are coming up, learning to rescue swim and I have started playing World of Warcraft again which I’m not sure if it’s a good or a bad thing.

Aaaaaannd I will tag @drjohnwatson @jolinepien @0nionring @indescribablenoise and anyone else that likes doing these tags!

[mistresspandora-archive]

For the ABCs ask game: you know I was going to ask F & I but @geekinthefuschiahair beat me to it 🤣 so let's go with M, U, P? 💗

Oh no the last thing we need is you two sharing a whole brainwave LMAO

M: A person who got you into a fandom and what fandom they pulled you in to.

@levisqueaks. FUCKING LEVI. Every last goddamn fandom that has eaten my brain for the past THIRTEEN-PLUS YEARS has been HIS fault. Supernatural. OUTLANDER. And then a casual phone conversation "You know Lord John has his own series of books right??"

And here we are. Please direct all complaints to him.

(😘 Love you bro)

U: What are your favorite male/female ships?

uhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm

This is a MEAN ASS question and you know that.

Okay for real though. John/Claire (Outlander) because reading that the first time was like, "oh NO! OH... wait, no yes, this works a lot." And just to prove I'm not entirely a one trick pony, Buffy/Angel (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) will always be able to break my damn heart.

I don't think I can dig any deeper than that though 😂

P: Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

Well in the last ask I said Fairy Tale AU. Outlander also needs more like... supernatural/horror. Just dark and gory and nightmare-inducing.

[canvaswolfdoll]

CanvasWatches: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (Seasons 1-6ish)

With Season 7 having arrived, I might as well talk about this.

I used to be super into My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. So much. It’s the only fandom I actually participated in to any notable degrees.

I mean, I respect fan fiction, it has value and a place, but I’d always been one to prefer crafting my own playground over utilizing someone else’s sandbox. So it takes a lot to draw me out and produce fan works.

In this case, it was largely frustration with the fan depiction of a certain background pony.

My interest was first piqued when El Goonish Shive’s artist, Dan Shive, produced a couple fanworks for the series, and recommended the series. I’m always up for trying new and unexpected things, why not a show for little girls? Perhaps there’s some value. Besides, apparently they reference Doctor Who, which I was into at the time.[1]

iTunes had the first episode free, so I downloaded and watched it. I thought it was… okay. Okay enough that I bought the second episode, just so I could finish the narrative and not have half a story sitting in my library.[2] The pilot was decent, but I was otherwise unmoved.

But then my brother continued watching the series via the YouTubes, and so I decided to keep trying. Soon enough, I came around, and caught all the way up with Owl’s Well that Ends Well, the most recent episode at the time.

As is tradition, I either get into a piece of media way early, or way late. There is rarely middle ground.

I really loved the first season. Yes, it was hokey, every episode had to have a moral, but it was inventive, built an interesting world that cross-sects our reality and the compromises required for ponies to operate, and was a source of positivity that was pulling people together. It was cute.

The second season knocked it out of the park. It was amazing. From the start, with Discord as an interesting antagonist, and Lesson Zero establishing just the right amount of formula change to open narrative options, and many well written episodes mixed with world building. Then ending with the cliche ‘girly wedding’ getting mixed up with elements of Fair Folk myth, including an amazing villain design. The second season is the best of the series.

Then there was season three…

First off, Lauren Faust had left completely. Not to forcibly dredge up any drama, but without the initial creative push, there obviously existed a drift from the original vision. Such things rarely go well.

Further, there’s a pattern I’ve noticed with myself and television: I tend to really love the second or third seasons, but then feel the series goes downhill afterwards. Buffy, for example, really lost me after the cast graduated High School. Community’s second season was the best, and from there kept trying to replicate magic it already did.[3]

Such was the case with MLP. It’s difficult to nail down, but the 13-episode season just felt a little off the whole time. Like it wasn’t as crisply written or thought through. Was it me? Did I become too analytical?

Obviously, not every episode in the first two seasons were perfect. That’d be ridiculous. But even the episodes I didn’t love had some redeeming features, and were irregular.

Season 3 had a real ‘One episode on, one episode off’ thing going for me. It does contain Sleepless in Ponyville, my second favorite episode of the series, but it was mostly okay, up until Twilight became an alicorn.

Twilight becoming a princess always felt off. It confused the mythology, was a sudden change in the status quo, and as we proceeded into season 4, the change in position was both rarely addressed, and more rarely had any significance.

Season 4 took a lot of risks, and few of them paid off. Of course, you need to take risks when telling stories, mix up presumptions and what’s been established, but one important thing when doing so is having such things have weight, and not discarding too much.

Destroying the library was a bad choice. Possibly done to bring in the toy company mandated castle, but… we grew to love the library, it was visually interesting, and was a good solid point. Twilight’s new castle is… generic purple, and without an obvious floor plan. Just corridors and doorways.

After that, my interest just kept waning. I stopped rewatching episodes because… eh. As the series continued, there have been fewer and fewer episodes that spark my interest, and more casual disregard of what’s been established. The first two season were great at maintaining continuity while still telling self-contained episodes, which I love.

The biggest insult is still the Cutie Mark Crusaders finally getting their cutie marks, and them being… not what had been foreshadowed. At all. Work was put into indicating their talents, and it’s tossed aside for ‘Eh… you’re good at getting ponies cutie marks’. Yes, it’s a nice way to maintain their dynamic, but is unnecessary, and breaks continuity.

Worse, it treats the three fillies as a single unit. If you hadn’t noticed, my two favorite episodes are Scootaloo focused. Because, for a good stretch, the series did a good job of having characters, even someone as secondary as Scootaloo, have a sense of independence and evolution. Scootaloo’s an amazing examination of hero worship and the possibility of not achieving heights you’d hope, but finding strength anyways. Apple Bloom functions both as a crusader, a member of the Apple Family, and a protagonist in her own right. Sweetie Belle is an annoying little sister with a subtle inferiority complex.

All the characters work because they have a strong sense of self, and then are applied to one another for narratives, not just different faces for crowds.[4]

But, no, the CMC are now a single unit. None of the three have led an episode, by themselves, since Crusaders of the Lost Mark. And that’s a shame.

The later seasons have become an awkward mix of forcing changes, and call backs that don’t quite work out.

And now we have season seven. I should watch that premier. Maybe I’ll review it, but I wouldn’t say keep an eye out for more. Just… looking to keep coasting until I just can’t bother any more.

Maybe I should finally rewatch the series through, too, just for the sake of fair reevaluation. Dunno.

Until next time, check out my stuff, support me on patreon, and feel free to talk to my face.

Kataal kataal.

[1] I have fallen way behind. May never pick up the series again, if I’m being honest. No real reason, just lost steam. [2] Which reminds me, I really should get Color of Magic one of these days. [3] Important rule about stage magic: never perform the same trick before an audience twice. [4] A criticism that could be levied at Paranatural. Great writing, maybe weak borders for characters.

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 1x02 Keep the Home Fires Burning

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Stray thoughts

1) Buffy and Veronica would be so proud of her punning abilities…

2) Well, this guy blew up his own cover rather stupidly…

3) Her quick-tempered nature is going to get her in trouble, isn’t it?

She did exactly the opposite of what Dolls asked her to do. But if this town is anything like Sunnydale – which considering how adamant they were about saying that Wynonna’s uncle died of a heart attack or something even though he’d been FUCKING BEHEADED – they will probably ascribe these shenanigans to a PCP gang, right?  

4) Is this like the Revenant Boss? The Master? Big Bad?

I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough.

5) I’m guessing there will be some sort of connection between this guy (I can’t remember if they mentioned his name already?) and Wynonna, given their conversation at the bar, the fact that he protected her and Waverly, and the fact that they’re both pariahs in their respective communities. Can we talk about the revenant community? Is that PC?

6) Yep, the revenants mentioned “the boss”.

7) “We know who you are and who you rode alongside of.” Is this because he crawled out of the well after Wynonna? Or did he hitch a ride with someone or something else we haven’t seen yet?

8) More backstory, thank you, show, I need it.

DOLLS: The Black Badge was a top-secret branch of the Marshalls founded in the 1900s by Roosevelt…

WYNONNA: Eleanor?

DOLLS: Teddy – to eradicate the paranormal forces suddenly blossoming on North American soil…

WYNONNA: Do you have a flamethrower? 'Cause a flamethrower is at least fun.

DOLLS: …working with your grandfather actually, Edwin Earp, to handle things up here.

WYNONNA: Hmm yeah. A one-year wonder. Family legend has it Eddie was only the heir for like 11 months, but came real close to sending all 77 of Wyatt's kills back to Hell.

So, if I got this right, when each heir turns 27, all the revenants killed by the prior heir come back to Earth, so that means they have to kill all of those plus the ones who hadn’t been killed by the previous heir, right? A ton of revenants, basically.

9) Yep. That’s Sunnydale.

10) This Boss Man doesn’t look like the one before…

So…

At least I now know that the cool revenant’s name is Hank. 

11) Okay…

BOSS: And the Earps?

HANK: It is just a matter of time before they figure out who I really am and what I did to their great-great-granddaddy.

A few things about their convo. Hank is clearly an outcast. He’s not respected among the revenants because of his connection to the Earps and because he’s not a revenant - he seems to be something else, and he won’t be accepted by the Earps if they learn what he did to their family. I always find this type of characters incredibly interesting, the ones who walk the grey moral line and who will typically do whatever is more beneficial for themselves in order to survive. It’s always interesting to see their inner struggles with morality and good/evil, and I wonder if Hank will be one of these characters. And who does he want revenge against?

12) This doesn’t feel random…

So, Waverly used to have an “imaginary friend” when she was a kid. Could this mean that her friend wasn’t really imaginary and she has some sort of psychic or supernatural powers?

13) I like Gus 100% more, bless you.

14) Now, this was totally unexpected but super cool!

So, Revenants can’t touch the gun without getting demon epilepsy or something. And I really, really like the way the show gets rid of the bodies – they literally burn down to hell.

15) This lady was totally flirting with Waverly, but what are her intentions?

In the words of Anya Jenkins…

16) I can’t disagree with him, though…

Raise your hand if you love him since Instant Star...

17) I hope she is right, in the long term…

WAVERLY: I got a good feeling about you. And I'm an excellent judge of character.

HANK: Sweetheart you really aren't.

18) She’s also a dork. I’m liking her more and more.

WYNONNA: Regular guns can slow the revheads down, but they will always come back for more until they meet Peacemaker, which only I can handle…

19) Bossman is not playing around…

BOSS: Malcolm kills her uncle, lures the heir back home, and now this? How many times do I got to tell you idiots? Peacemaker can't be touched by revenant hand.

LEVI: But-but we-we just thought…

BOSS: Don't! Ever! Think! I do the thinking for all of us.

20) So they want to hire a “professional” to create a distraction, but the problem is, the payment needs to be human blood… Is the shadowy guy from the beginning of the episode the “professional”? Will this show only ever give me more questions?

21) Hank looks so awkward wearing a hoody. And I’m gonna go ahead and say it. He kind of reminds me of Spike.

22) So, I think “shadow assassins” are like a special type of revenant? Levi mentions that they can only be activated by a blood sacrifice. I’m guessing this Killer Miller is the shadow guy we saw at the beginning of the episode.

23) Ooh, more scoop on Hank!

LEVI: You were Wyatt Earp's right hand; what would he say if he knew you were joining forces with every man he ever put down?

So, this revenant is disgusted by Hank helping… the revenants? Huh?

24) Okay, so the girls’ mom is not dead but just a deadbeat mom. I’m sure we’ll see her again. And I’m sure there was a reason for her leaving.

25) I didn’t really think he was going to do the blood sacrifice thing. And I didn’t believe he was human either? But I guess I was wrong…

And yeah, his reaction? Don’t tell me you don’t see the similarities…!

26) I kind of thought that the Shadow would end up going after all the revenants listed on Waverly’s notebook instead of going after Waverly… And btw, I guess she really wasn’t a good judge of character after all? Like, Hank didn’t even hesitate to throw that notebook into the hole in order to save himself, he didn’t care that he was going to send the shadow after the wrong target.

27) I knew it.

BOBO: Perfect time to make a hole - for our friend Waverly.

YOUNG WAVERLY: Will this really - make them happy?

BOBO:This will guarantee you all get what you deserve.

WAVERLY: Bobo. The name of my imaginary friend when I was growing up: Bobo! And I'm starting to think that he wasn't so imaginary.

Do you think Bobo could be Boss? Same initial letters… And I guess she didn’t have supernatural powers, after all, she was just tricked by a revenant.

28) I really love Waverly’s attitude. She doesn’t have any powers so far, but that doesn’t stop her from getting ready to fight back…

29) Well, that was easy… Cool. But disappointingly easy.

I mean, he was kind of scary, but in the end, he wasn’t really a threat? Unless he can’t be really killed off and he’ll come back every time someone does a blood sacrifice?

30) You really need to be a badass in order to be threatening while wearing plaid flannel PJ bottoms and furry sleepers…

Remind you of anyone?

31) “You’re just a girl” I mean, the references must be intentional, right?

32) That was cool, Waverly!

33) What is he doing, though? And what is he?

WAVERLY: Yeah, well, most of my stolen stuff was returned, OK? And he's just one of those crazy Wyatt fans. No, he's definitely one of the good guys.

WYNONNA: Everything in my body tells me he's one of the bad boys. My entire body.

34) Yep, Hank will do whatever he has to in order to survive…

At least for now, anyway.

35) Why is his back burning like embers?

36) And what exactly is their plan? What is “the dig”?

BOSS: I swear to you, our salvation lies not in thieving Peacemaker, or defeating the heir, - but in the dig! We stick to the plan! We stay on course. We let the Seven deal with the heir while the rest of us work, as we've been working for 15 years, towards one common goal: freedom! 

He got a little William Wallace there, didn’t he?

37) So, this is what Henry’s revenge is all about…

BOSS: I'm a man of my word, Henry. I can give her to you. The woman that changed you.

HANK: Well then, Bobo, we are officially in business.

And yes, Bobo was Boss. Manipulating a little girl? That’s really low, even for a revenant.

38) I’m getting very invested in this story, really. I have to thank you for suggesting I should watch this show! I really love the pacing in the episodes I’ve seen so far. It’s really hard not to comment on every scene because it seems all of them are relevant to the plot, there are no filler scenes, you know? And I really hope the episodes continue to be arc-driven instead of the “monster-of-the-week” type. I can’t wait to see the rest!

39) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!