#okay ill stop complaining about this now i swear | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

inkedbybarnes · 8 months ago

Text

anything

bucky barnes x fem!reader

summary: bucky is determined to take care of you while you're sick.

word count: 1.6k+

warnings: mentions of insecurities, mentions of illnesses (but vaguely described), fluffy ahh shit bc why not, usage of pet names such as baby and doll. bucky being stubbornly sweet (it is indeed, a warning), lowercase writing.

i've been sick the past few days hence the creation of this fic. idk why my mood drops when i'm sick... once again, this is too fluffy even for my own good but i warned you and you're reading it still anyway. 🤨 haha jk, i hope you enjoy this one! 🩷

dividers by @cafekitsune!

reblogs, comments, and likes are highly appreciated! thank you. ♡

“can you please let me in, baby?"

that was the fifth time bucky had asked the same question, never giving up on his mission to take care of you after learning from jarvis – out of all people... or robots? – that you were sick.

“bucky, i promise, i'm fine. stop trying to break the door,” you answered, your clogged nose not helping as you sounded horrible even with a concrete wall separating you from him. “go and tell steve that you're joining the mission. you can't withdraw yourself just because i'm—achoo!”

your nose began to leak, and you were now distracted with the need to find the tissue box that used to be on your bed. you didn't hear the door clicking open as well as the heavy footsteps of a certain soldier walking towards you.

“just because you're what? sick?”

you jumped, feeling the edge of the bed sink with his weight. you quickly grabbed the tissue box that was mysteriously thrown under the bed before facing bucky with the duvet covering most of your body.

“how did you open the door?”

bucky shrugged. “i broke the doorknob. you didn't say anything about breaking doorknobs.”

you sighed, not winning this argument with bucky. “you shouldn't be here, bucky. you're supposed to be preparing for a mission tomorrow, not babysitting me!”

“and let you go through this on your own? tough chance, doll. i'm your boyfriend for fuck's sake, and don't tell me that you're worried about getting me sick because we both know i'm immune," he argued, reaching out and pulling the blanket down enough to reveal your face. “are you really upset that i want to take care of you? you should be demanding things from me, baby. instead you've been hiding from me.”

“because i don't need anything, bucky. i can handle myself just fine." you huffed, knowing you wanted his attention and care so badly. remembering your face was exposed, you felt insecure again. you dragged the cover back up and turned away. “i also don't want you to see me like this.”

“like what?"

“like a mess," you muttered underneath the sheets. “you've never seen me like this before, and i swear i am the worst when i'm sick. you don't have to see me like this, okay? i don't want you to.”

you felt silly. it was completely normal to get sick, but you hated how extreme your body would act out whenever an illness would attack you. you'd always sound and look like you were fighting a battle in hell alone. the way your mind would take an entire flip and drag you to your lowest point didn't help either. so, not only were you feeling physically horrible, you were also struggling mentally.

“a mess? what mess?” he asked, lifting the cover to join you underneath it which caught you off guard. you were entirely exposed to his eyes now. “there's my girl. where's the mess that you're talking about, huh?”

with the little amount of energy left in you, you brought your hands up to cover your face. he could see how much of a mess you were now, far from the dream you've painted since the day you dated him. now, you were nothing but a nightmare of your reality.

“don't you dare hide from me. i haven't seen you all day and it's driving me insane," he complained, pulling your hands away from yourself. he brought his thumb to your teary eyes, wiping the tears away before they could fall. “i can't believe you're hiding from me just because you think i can't handle seeing you sick. what did you think i'd do once i saw you like this?”

you sniffed, hesitation holding you back from telling him the truth. it's only been three months since you've started dating bucky, and you were still in that stage where you'd constantly try impress him.

you weren't faking yourself, no. however, you still did your best to only show your good side and tuck away your insecurities. unfortunately, you had to get sick too soon and have to risk bucky seeing you this way.

“you thought i'd leave you? won't like you anymore? get turned off or something?”

you nodded, knowing that was exactly what went through your head and a bit pissed that he was able to read your mind without actually having the power to do so.

bucky's eyes softened at your confession, letting out a soft sigh as he saw how badly you were beating yourself up.

“if it's because of how you look right now, then it's true. you do look different," he answered, your chest tightening. “your eyes lost their glow, you're frowning more often, your eyes are all puffy, you are definitely grumpier than usual, your lips are dry and chapped from—”

“okay, i get it, bucky! you don't have to rub it in my fa—”

“but i won't be doing whatever is on your mind. you're sick, doll. it'll affect you. it's normal. hell, i look even worse when i used to get sick, but you? you still look so fucking lovely." he held your face gently, leaning forward to kiss your forehead. “even then, i don't give a fuck on how messy you can get. i'm your boyfriend. i should be taking care of you, helping you feel better, and bringing back the glow in your eyes. please, baby. let me take care of you.”

this time, you were looking back at him. "you mean it?"

"of course I mean it," he replied softly, his voice filled with sincerity. "i love you, doll. i don't care how you look like right now. you could look like a swamp monster and be sick as a dog, and i would still think that you are the most beautiful woman for me."

you giggled softly, his words filling you with warmth and reassurance. you felt so lucky to have a man who truly loved you and handled your insecurities with such understanding and care, and even sillier for thinking he'd leave you for such reasons.

“thank you. that really made me feel better," you told him, your arms slowly creeping forward to hold him. “i'm sorry for hiding. i was just scared to turn you off or anything.”

“are you kidding? i'm trying my best not to hold you down and kiss you all over. i haven't even hugged you for a day,” bucky said, a pout on the verge of forming on his face.

“it hasn't even been a day, bucky. now, who's dramatic?" you said, rolling your eyes playfully. “and you're supposed to be on a mission tomorrow! are you really not going?”

“when i could be here taking care of you?” he asked, as if the answer was already obvious. “the others can handle it. my main priority is to do anything you want and make you feel better.”

“anything?”

he smiled, leaning down to let your lips meet softly. "anything."

( a lil bonus < 3 )

“what is that smell?”

sam, steve, and natasha entered the compound after a quick briefing for their mission tomorrow. they joined tony and clint who were having a casual conversation in the living room about the best burrito in town.

the kitchen was an open space, the aroma of whatever bucky was cooking spreading all around the nearby rooms.

sam didn't hesitate to come closer and inspect the kitchen, finding the entire counter lined up with various spices and plates that bucky filled with his dishes.

“what's the occasion? did i miss something?" sam asked, grabbing a fork to take a little taste until bucky slapped his hand away. "ow! what was that for?"

"hands off." bucky warned, frowning at sam. “that's not for you, wilson."

“not even a nibble? come on, man. it smells amazing!”

their usual bickering caught the attention of the other avengers, immediately joining them in the kitchen which annoyed bucky even more when he saw them eyeing the food he made.

"before any of you try to ask, no. this is not for any of you."

"who's it even for?" natasha asked, the least interested to have a taste, but was curious either way.

bucky answered with your name. "she's sick."

"what? since when?" clint asked, worry flashing across his face. "can we do anything?"

bucky glanced up before hesitantly answering. "well.. she did say she wanted to watch a movie after eating."

clint snapped his fingers and smiled. "i'm on it."

"i'll get jarvis to check on her vitals every hour and create a diagnosis," tony said, already tapping on his smart watch. "assuming she wouldn't be too comfortable letting the entire team know what's going on with her body, i'll just let you receive the updates. just update me with what you can, yeah?"

"i'll talk to fury and let you both have a week free from work," steve offered. "she needs the rest and she needs you."

"oh, i'll handle fury. he can't say no to his favourite," natasha said with a smug smile. "tell her i'll bring her all her favourite snacks once we're back from our mission, and that she better be back to full health so we can go out together."

bucky nodded, chest warming with the genuine concern they shared. he was excited to let you know how loved and deserving of all this you were.

if you have any requests for bucky, send them my way! 💌

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fluff #marvel #mcu #inkedbybarnes

959 notes · View notes

yeonlogic · 8 months ago

Text

★ baby be mine ⋆｡°✩

PAIRING bestfriend!gyu + f!reader GENRE/WARNINGS fluff, crack, friends to lovers au, gyu works in a vinyl shop, gyu gets friendzoned woopsies, mild swearing, semi smau reader is friends with chaewon & kazuha from lsrfm

SYNOPSIS you and gyu have been friends since you first saw each other at school and now your starting to develop feelings for him

wc: around 3k?

“are you done picking out a vinyl you want or what” beomgyu complained looking at you look through the compartment full of vinyls

“yeah yeah whatever, you work here anyway im sure the owner wont mind you closing up the shop late” you said as you took a look around the cd section thinking about whether you should get a cd or a vinyl.

“okay uhm I decided Im not getting anything” you chuckled nervously looking at beomgyu knowing he would say something about it

“yah you cant just spend hours looking at the shop for around 3hours and not picking anything!?” he frowned “okay okay Im sorry ill make it up to you and help you close down the shop.”

you two started closing down the shop together. as you two finished you took a look at the city in the night admiring how it looked.

“your still walking me home right..?” you said turning to him as he was locking up the shop door “yeah I always do cuz your scared of those weirdos who would come after you” he teased “well Its not my fault its scary, what if a random guy chases me or something” your voice had a hint of worry and nervousness as you said that, gyu walked up to you by your side “Its alright ill be your night and shining armor” beomgyu said jokingly “now come on its getting late.”

you two walked the streets together your hands shoved In the pocket of your hoodie, it was cold freezing cold.

“hey if you have the time you should teach me how to use the guitar” you nudged his shoulder with yours looking at him with a smile on your face, “how about tomorrow? If you can” he chuckled “also your shivering a lot.. is it that cold..?” he grabbed your wrist stopping you from walking away as he took his jacket off and draped It on your shoulders, your heart was beating from how close he was to you, you were so used to him being close to you all the time but why was this one different?

you felt your cheeks heat up a bit but you didnt worry about it too much. “thanks..” you murmured, his jacket was warm enough to block the cold, “dont mention it” he replied as you two continued to walk back to your home.

“thanks for walking me back home gyu” you smiled and gave him a hug, “also here you should take your jacket back” you took it off as beomgyu stopped you from doing it “no keep it, it looks better on you” he laughed softly “ill see you tomorrow?” “mhm” you replied as you entered your house going into your room.

you dropped onto your bed looking up at the ceiling confused about what you were feeling at that moment gyu gave you his jacket that was now wrapped around your torso.

you grabbed your phone from your pocket and opened the messages app.

you turned off your phone and placed it on your bedside table, you felt confused why were you feeling these random butterflies in your stomach whenever you think about beomgyu oh god “THE FUCKING HEART?!?!?” you screamed into your pillow “okay clam down maybe its just a platonic gesture calm down and just sleep this through.” you muttered to yourself as you layed down on your bed.

you were In a cafe with chaewon since everyone from school was on school break so you both decided to hang out today

“ugh Im so glad were on break right now i think I would’ve passed out if the teacher gave us any more test papers” she ranted and complained while you were zoned out lost in your thoughts about last night.

“y/n?, helloo earth to y/n!?, Y/N!!!” chae snapped at you “huh?” you replied “girl did you even listen to what I was saying” “uh yeah ofc”

“then what did I say?” one of her eyebrow was raised up “uhm that you wanted that bag you saw?” chaewon looked at you

“seriously y/n whats got you acting so weird this day” chaewon stared at you while sipping her iced coffee, “honestly I dont even know Its just something about last night..” you said nervously “tell me, maybe I can do something about it”

“promise me you wont laugh..?” “duhh.”

“Its just I never knew I’d look at my bestfriend differently, you know beomgyu right?” “yeah the one who works at the vinyl shop down town right” chaewon replied

“yeah.. well uhm I was with him last night and he walked me home but its something about the way he saw I was freezing and gave me his jacket— but I mean its not even that romantic Its the part where he put the jacket on me he was so..close something about that just felt so different to me because Im so used to being close with him all the time but it was just that one moment that made me realize maybe I have feelings for him..?” you sighed and covered your face with your hands ��chaeeee what do I dooo” you pleaded feeling embarrassed to talk about this to your girl bestfriend

“Look as much as I dont know shit about love I can tell you definitely have feelings for him I mean.. you two were friends since 8th grade till now you two are technically inseparable” she shrugged “I guess..maybe If i just ignore him for the whole week maybe he wont notice that I have feelings for him??” “idk girl im sorry but I dont know what to do.”

6:22 PM

you arrived at the vinyl shop where you could see gyu standing at the cash register as you entered the shop and approached him.

“hey gyu um..we might have to cancel that guitar lesson since Im gonna be busy this day” you smiled nervously at him hoping he wouldn’t ask you why or what your gonna do. “oh alright..” he said, you could feel a bit of sadness from his voice and you felt bad because of it, “maybe next time?” you said as you left the shop feeling guilty.

beomgyu went home to his shared apartment with his friends as he saw soobin and hueningkai playing a videogame together on the couch, gyu approached them and grabbed the tv remote and turned It off and sat Inbetween the two boys “heyy I was about to beat soobin hyung” kai frowned “yah why are you so grumpy today” soobin side eyed him “its nothing..” gyu responded and sat up from the couch and went to his bedroom.

another day passes by and you and chaewon are together spending time at the arcade just chatting and playing some games, you havent chatted gyu ever since that night because of how scared you were for him to find out you have a crush on him.

“oh btw y/n I invited kazuha we havent seen her in so long and apparently shes taking a 1 week vacay here” chaewon was excited to see your guys friend that you havent seen from since she left the country.

“holy shit zuha Is taking a vacation here?!?!? why didn’t you tell me earlier!!” you were suprised as you saw kazuha enter the arcade from the entrance, you ran towards her so fast and engulfed her in your arms “zuhaaa you never told me you came heree you dont know how much i missed you” “im still here yk” chaewon pouted and crossed her arms looking at you

kazuha chuckles “I wanted it to be a suprise for you two, what are we waiting for? enough about me being here i still have to make it up to you two since i havent spent time with you guys ever since” she frowned as you and chaewon gave her a hug.

“taehyun you promised me your gonna win me a plushie from the claw machine right” kai giggled looking at tyun “yeah yeah whatever” taehyun responded.

“hey gyu isnt that y/n over there?” yeonjun looked at beomgyu, beomgyus gaze was on you. “be right back guys” he said and ran towards you but he overheard your convo with your friends.

“hey y/n have you and that guy bestfriend youve been friends for like what 5 years? what was his name..? oh beomgyu! have you two ever dated yet? you two were stuck together like glue.” kazuha asked you

you coughed “what? oh beomgyu! hes just a friend”

“friend, friend, friend”

was all that gyu heard from that convo, he immediately left and went to his friends and told them that he wasnt in the mood to play arcade games with them so he left early.

“why does it have to be the girl i like to friend zone me like that” gyu sighed as he slumped on his bed just thinking about you “agh fuck this is embarrassing beomgyu get yourself together” he murmured to himself.

same old day just beomgyu sitting on the couch with taehyun on his left and soobin on his right, “do you guys know if y/n likes anyone by any chance..” gyu asked “lol no.” soobin responded “wow thanks soobin” beomgyu scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“if i do remember her friend chaewon told me she liked someone but im just not sure who” taehyun said as he scrolled on his phone “did i hear gyu having a crush?” yeonjun teased.

“it just..pisses me off how she hasnt talked to me for 2days and now shes telling her friends that im just a friend to her..” he sighed laying his head back on the header of the couch “wait wait y/n friendzoning you?” kai chuckled “shes just saying that chaewon told me about it.”

“told you about what?” he says.

“that she likes you duhh” kai responded “come on gyu you needa step up your game its so obvious she likes you because of how shes ghosting you and saying your just a friend cause shes hiding the fact she likes you!?” kai chuckles looking at how dumbfounded beomgyu looked “OoOoo~ beomgyus inlove~” soobin and yeonjun teased him about it “shut up.” was gyus response.

beomgyu got up from the couch and went into his room opening the messages app from his phone and texted you.

“wanna meet up..? my treat :)” he sends the send button as he waits for your reply.

*buzz buzz*

his phone vibrated from your notification. “sure! what time??” you replied to his text msg “right now maybe?” gyu replied.

he got up from his bed and immediately grabbed his shoes and slipped them on and rushed out the door. “whats up with him?” taehyun said “inlove for sure” soobin added.

as he got In his car, he drove to your place and parked his car right infront of your house, as he gets out of the driver seat he goes up to your door *knock knock*

“coming!!” you rushed downstairs and answer the door to see beomgyu on your doorstep “hey uhm havent seen you in awhile whats the occasion for the hang out?” you smiled.

“just something i have something to tell you” gyu chuckled nervously as he opened the car door for the passenger seat for you.

you two went on a city night drive with snooze by sza playing on the radio everything was going chill and calm until gyu stopped at a park. “were here” he smiled and got out of the car to open the car door to the passenger seat.

- you two sat on a bench, silence filling up the air. “so..what were you gonna talk about?” you said breaking the silence “i’ve just been thinking..for the past few days you’ve been ignoring me and avoiding texting me which i kinda hated not gonna lie” “he giggled “but during those days I honestly realized i couldnt be myself without you talking to me for 2days i know call me dramatic but i cant live without talking to you y/n” he frowned, you honestly didnt know how to react about it.

“im sorry i havent talked to you..I- just was feeling things that i felt that was wrong i mean- ugh fuck am i really about to say this?, Im confused about my feelings gy-“ “I like you too dummy.” He responded before you could finish your sentence. you just sat there looking at him “dont look at me like that its true” he giggled “fine i admit it I like you- actually no I love you” you finally said it and oh how you felt so relieved to let those words slip out of your mouth knowing your best friend beomgyu felt the same way as you did.

“so if I like you and you like me..does that mean we’re a couple or?” gyu said as you just laughed “yes. yes gyu i would gladly be your girlfriend” you smiled at him as you gave a kiss on his cheek making his heart flutter.”

“well im glad because I love you too” he responded and kissed you, you felt a wave of shock from it and didnt know how to explain it but your lips just melted with his, his lips were soft and plush on yours. “Im so glad your mine now.” He whispered.

a/n: PHEEEEWWW I finally finished this my hands are lowkey sweating rn but I hope you guys enjoy this 🥹 I might make extra beomgyu bf texts for this later so ^^

heres sum extra gyu content added onto this ff I did!!

bf!gyu texts

#txt smau #txt fluff #yeonjun fluff #beomgyu fluff #taehyun fluff #soobin fluff #hueningkai fluff #moasource #kpopco #txt gifs #txt soft hours #beomgyu soft hours #soobin soft hours #yeonjun soft hours #taehyun soft hours #yeonlogic

191 notes · View notes

zuffer-weird-girl · 2 years ago

Note

Hi love ❤️ I was wondering if you could do Dabi, Shigaraki, chrono and Kai with a S/O who who just grabs them and shoves their face in to her chest when they monologue. Like the S/O is just tired of their endless ranting so she does that to shut them up

*cracks fingers* I would love to-

Listen, you and Dabi rarely fights, so usually a argument is more like the kind of "Oh I like cheese" while the other is staring at you in disgust with a "You are mentally ill."

Really. That's it.

Is actually pretty funny, but now? You were almost throwing a chair at the mktherfucker since he was mocking you about not winning a bet you both made over a movie.

"Another loss doll, what a shame." He muttered, resting his smug face on his hands as he leaned on the kitchen counter as you deadpanned at him.

"Yeah yeah you won, now leave me alone." You hissed.

"Nah. I just need to see your expression at losing again. I can't even remember the count now, do you? I think I won on our lil discussions about of... 100 times already?" He made a false thinking expression as you threw a towel at him...

He obviously dodged with a cackle.

"SHUT UP!"

"I'm just speaking the truth here." He spat with a snort.

You had enough and just went to where he was. Thankfully he was sitting down so it would be more easy.

"Oh. Someone wants a round 2?" He smirked devilish before his eyes went wide open when your hands just grabbed the back of his neck and pulled his face right into your tatas.

Well... that was unexpected but surely not unwelcome.

"You're done?" You grumbled with a smile on your face as you nuzzle on his tainted hair before you felt a pair of rough hands squeezing your waist and surely felt a warmth emitting from his face.

"Yeah. I'm shutting up now." The vibrations of his rough voice made you ticklish.

He wouldn't. If you do this every time he will never shut his mouth.

Probably was complaining about heroes or a game he didn't won or smth.

And you were just like "hey chill os not the end of world."

Okay, not LITERALLY because if you say that it will surely cause trouble between you two.

But you got it.

I will go with the second option since I kinda feel bad for him considering the recents events (both manga and anime)

"Tomu is okay."

"No its not." He growled, fingers already at work on scratching his neck "Didn't you see it? That guy obviously cheated. Probably is a momma or daddy boy and got those cheats on games paying billions for it."

"Huh?" You let out. Sometimes in the middle of his angry ramblings you couldn't understand or just the dots didn't connected.

But something you didn't want was for this man to mess up his skin more than it was. His neck was a victim of abuse from his nails already.

You got up in the kindle of his rambling and gently started to caress the oily hair he had before sucefully hushing him and bringing him to a hug with his face other between your chest.

The rambling immediately stopped as his hands started to tremble and for a moment you were afraid you did something to piss him off even more when he just straight up pushed himself away abruptly.

But the sign his face was now a deep shade of red that matched his ruby eyes immediately melted your worry away as you muffled your giggle with your hand.

"Sorry, that got you out of guard tomu?"

He glared up at you before standing up from his chair before just burning his face on your neck, not touching you with his hands still.

He can't even remember why he was so mad about.

Look how effective your love was!

ALL HE KNOWS IS COMPLAIN I SWEAR TO GOD-

Sorry, this man drives me crazy

Anyway-

Surely was bitching about heroes and diseases and how they shouldn't exist/need a cure after bumling with one of them on his walk.

And normally you would sit and listen with pleasure since you were basically the only one Chisaki was open with absolutely everything.

But today was not your day.

You were just staring at him pacing around the room while you were sat on the bed just wanting to go to sleep.

It was a bold and dangerous move considering that normally you warn Chisaki or he just sees so he can prepare himself.

But nope. You just got up and pulled him abruptly to a hug with his face right on your minimum covered chest.

"Please Kai just go to bed... " You sighed while trying to carres the back of his skull.

Only later realizing the fair uncomfortable position he might been.

Chisaki was a bit taller than you... and the angle he was now made him arch his back rather... awkwardly.

You were about to pull away until his gloved hands grabbed the back of your night shirt as he exhaled shakily on you.

Oh...

Guess you guys found a coping mechanism for when he gets nervous.

He doesn't complain. He is an angel.

But he does go a rambling sometimes.

We saw that before he got attacked by a majority he was on ramble about to just kill aizawa.

Okay, maybe not a angel-

I totally can see Kurono as one of those dorky guys that goes mumbling without a care about something he enjoys it a lot.

And got shut out many times when he was a kid due to this habit (many times was Chisaki that ass-)

So he just tends to try to control it

Keyword try.

Because he is so comfortable around you that he can't just out of no where stop.

You're just watching him with a dreamy sigh as he explained in each detail about his favorite gun until he noticed your lack of response.

"Ha.. sorry about that." He scratched his cheek lightly

You weren't having that.

This man was so FLUSTERED when you scorched over and pulled him to nuzzle on your chest on the bed.

Face was 50 shades of red.

"Don't apologize for that. You like those things and I love hearing you talk. Please keep going."

I swear this man had heart eyes when staring up at you from his chest before he resumed his explanations but far more at ease at the position

Might have popped a boner

#dabi x reader #todoroki touya x reader #shigaraki tomura x reader #shimura tenko x reader #overhaul x reader #chisaki kai x reader #chrono x reader #kurono hari x reader #bnha villains x reader #bnha villains #chisaki kai #overhaul #bnha hcs #zuffer writings

1K notes · View notes

asillylittleistik · 11 months ago

Note

Hi! Could I request a fluff fic where shadowheart takes care of a human ranger Tav with a cold? Thank you!

Sure thing! As it would have it, I'm also down with a cold right now, so sorry about that few days break I just took, but I'll be trying to fill out some requests today.

Contagion

Shadowheart is very observant. More observant than many would give her credit for. So you can bet she notices when you drag yourself out of your tent, adorned with deep, dark eye bags and cold, pale skin — still insisting you're alright. She knows for certain that you're lying, though, when you refuse breakfast. It must take something serious to have your enormous appetite suddenly sated.

Still, despite all her concern, and all of her hushed whispers telling you it's okay to stay back for the day, you are too prideful to admit you don't feel well. She wants to scold you now, and tell you how she knows better, but she refrains. She knows it'll catch up to you before too long.

You were leading the group, as you always do, but now with remarkably low energy. Even Astarion, the most leisurely (and lazy) member of the group, commented on your tiredness. You continue to insist it's fine, until Shadowheart finally has enough.

"Y/n," She calls, beckoning you over to where she walks, towards the end of the group. You slow down to let her catch up, seeming quite eager to be out of everyone's gaze. "You don't seem well. I know I keep saying that but I think you should take a break, you look like you can barely handle another mile."

You give a weak chuckle and try your best to play it off. "What do you mean, I'm doing fine, just a little sleep-deprived. I swear, I-"

Your efforts to convince Shadowheart are all in vain, as shooting hot pain erupts from your stomach, causing you to stop in your tracks and keel over in pain.

Shadowheart is at your side in an instant, taking only a brief moment to scan the area and confirm that your ailment is internal, and not an ambush from deep within the woods.

"Y/n, are you okay?! What hurts?" Shadowheart sputters out, hands already glowing blue as she prepares to cast a healing spell. When she touches her palm to your shoulder, though, the healing energy that dissipates through you seems to do little to quell your discomfort.

By now, most of the group has also stopped, and have concern painted all over their faces. With whatever small amount of pride you have left in this moment, you manage one more, pitiful excuse for a lie.

"I-It's alright, Shadowheart, just a stomach cramp." You try to stand up again through the pain, but Shadowheart has had enough. She puts her hand on your chest and pushes you back down to sit.

"You and your pride," She snarls, with no real malice behind it, "We are going back to camp and to your tent, and I don't want any more complaining about it. You look one small breeze away from collapsing, and that's no way to lead an adventure."

Shadowheart turns to the rest of the group, who are now sharing confused glances. You are their leader after all, and here you are, clearly incapacitated.

"Everyone, I am taking Y/n back to her tent. For now, I think it's best that Wyll leads the charge. I'll be staying behind to watch over Y/n, so try not to get yourselves hurt too terribly."

Before you can protest to going back to camp, Shadowheart picks you up from the ground and throws one of your arms over her shoulder, letting you lean on her for support as you walk back.

At camp, Shadowheart pays little mind to your protests as she lays you down in your bedroll, brewing up some sort of healing tea over the fire, just a few feet away.

You blushed a little in embarrassment, ashamed to be so incapable and needing your girlfriend to care for you.

Shadowheart sets the tea down in front of you and, as if reading your mind, assures you.

"There's no need to be embarrassed, love, sickness happens to everyone. But if you want to be rid of this illness soon, I suggest you actually attempt to rest and take care of yourself." As if to emphasize her point, she nudges the warm, pleasant smelling tea a little closer. You take the hint and drink it, and relief instantly washes over you as the drink soothes your aching throat. After a beat of watching you drink, she continues.

"I was prone to getting sick a lot as a child, especially since Baldur's Gate is always running wild with diseases. The Mother Superior would often make me this brew to help me get better. I used to hate feeling so babied, but sometimes, you just have to step back and let your loved ones help you." She trails off, looking longingly in the distance. She always had a tricky relationship with the Mother Superior, but this memory seemed fond to her. You break her out of her thoughts when you return the empty mug to her, and she smiles gratefully.

"Good?" She smiles, amused at how quick you finished off the cup, and you give her a quick nod. "Want more?" She asks, pointing her head towards the still full pot. You nod eagerly and she chuckles. "I'm glad you like it."

You take the second cup a little slower than the first, and start to feel all your tiredness catch up to you at once. Shadowheart sits beside your bedroll, one hand holding open a book, and the other tangled up in your hair. The soothing feeling of her scratching your scalp has your muscles relaxing, breathing evening out, and eyes slipping closed.

Just as sleep is about to take you, Shadowheart retracts her hand, and you respond with only the most pitiful of whines, too feverish to be embarrassed by now.

"I know you're tired, love, and I'll let you sleep, but before that..." She trails off, standing up and holding out her hand to lead you somewhere. You manage to pull your aching body out of bed and follow her, hand in hand, to a small clearing in the woods.

In the center of the clearing is a small pond, with crystal clear water and just enough space for two people to wade in.

"You know how attractive I find you after a long, hard day of battle, but right now, you need a wash." She smiles, already stripping off her clothing. You fight off your blush and start to strip down as well, taking a dip in the pond water. It's warmer than you expected, and you feel yourself melting into its comfort.

Shadowheart joins you just after, bringing in a small bar of soap in with her. You lean back against her and let her carefully wash you, taking extra care to get your hair nice and clean. The whole feeling of it all — the warm water, the quiet scenery, and Shadowheart's gentle touch — have sleep approaching quicker than you can stop it.

Shadowheart is only halfway done with washing you when she catches the sound of soft snoring. Instead of waking you, though, she only smiles and keeps going. She supposes you need this rest, and she doesn't have the heart to stop you.

Truthfully, Shadowheart could've probably fixed this back there on the road with a lesser restoration spell, without any of the need to take you back to camp. But, an opportunity presented itself, and Shadowheart knew she couldn't pass up the chance to pamper you. After all your adventuring and looking out for people as their leader, you needed someone to look after you too sometimes. And Shadowheart would fill that role any day, for her love.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 x reader #bg3 x tav #shadowheart #shadowheart x reader #shadowheart x tav #send help i am sick #where is my hot goth gf to make me tea and bathe me #oh well

147 notes · View notes

begitalarcos · 25 days ago

Text

Life Update

Hey Guys

I know I said I was coming back, and I fully intended to. Then I injured my back... badly

I ruptured a disc in my back on one of my lowest vertebrae and now have lost most of the feeling in my left leg :(

In the next week here I'm being scheduled for spinal surgery.

Strangely I'm doing okay. Since my last post a lot of things have gotten sorted (mostly family drama) which has taken a huge weight off of me. Then I fell on the stairs. I only fell down two steps but Ianded hard on my butt and then hit my back against the stair.

This was almost 2 months ago, and I was going to physio for it until my disability decided not to cover it. I was sent to an "Impartial" specialist who had the nerve to tell me that most of my pain was likely "Psychological" haven't had that kind of flippant disrespect about my health in awhile.

On the 30th of October I went to lay down for a nap, when I woke up just the act of sitting up left me in agony. My wonderful husband then spent the next few hours with me using hot and cold compresses and trying to help me get through the pain because the hospital said it was probably just sciatic pain... Halloween rolls around and I've lost all feeling in my left thigh.

I decided "FUCK IT" and went to emergency, where after a good 9 hours I finally saw a doctor who would take me seriously. And by that time my entire left thigh, part of my calf, and most of my back end and groin were completely numb. They took my sock off and my foot was grey. It was pretty scary.

The doctor there did a battery of tests for everthing he could think of, he did manage to get a bit of feeling back into my calf and foot with an injection. But everything else was still pins and needles. I had an MRI and well.. as you can see the lower disc was pushed so far out it was impinging on all the nerves to my left leg.

I spent Halloween and most of the next day in emergency. Had a lovely panic attack, got mildly sedated, there were no beds so I was stuck in a shitty recliner in a corner between two drug attics. One who wouldn't stop complaining and then throwing fits and the other who had some kind of blood borne illness with open sores. It was fucking terrible.

Today I had to drive almost 2 hours to another city to see a neurosurgeon who was also livid no one had done anything for me in over two months and said that even with surgery I may never get full feeling back in my leg (cries) This then followed more X-rays, blood work (7 vials taken oi vey) and an ECG.

Turns out I also have a rare heart defect - that only one other person in my family has - that causes my heart to skip a beat every third beat. They also (because I'm anemic) had to go through the process of signing a ton of forms for the possibility that I may need a transfusion during or after surgery....

This was supposed to be a short post I swear -_-

Thursday I have to go for a full physical and do even MORE paperwork, and then drive again 2 hours away to another city to have my surgery.

FML

So yeah, I still very much want to be creating and posting I just haven't been able to sit or concentrate much as I am taking pain killers (that do not want to work with my antidepressants) so I've either been completely out of it or just stuck doing one thing and one thing only (which has mostly been just riding around in RDR2 hunting, fishing and exploring) I also finished the new Zelda game cuz... well I've been laying down a lot.

Holy Jeebs have I been bored. In between that I've also been trying to keep GiraffeBarn active and get into a few local stores again.

2024 has been hectic and chaotic.

I'm hopeful that the new year will bring me some much needed peace and clarity.

So yeah, I'm not gone, I'm still lurking about and I still plan to post again (when I can)

I miss you all so very much (especially my wifey <3)

Hope you all are well

much love

#begita #life update #medical nightmare #tw: hospital

15 notes · View notes

evilphrog · 1 year ago

Text

Watching Wheel of Time without reading the books: Season 2 Episode 3

Rand gets Pretty Womaned. Perrin has to once again make a choice between the hammer and the axe, and once again lets someone else make that choice for him. Nynaeve is missing, presumed dead, until she literally breaks the laws of physics to get back home because nobody tells her what she can and cannot do, not even reality. Egwene never stops believing in her. Mat escapes with the psychic bartender, but it was actually all orchestrated by the biggest bitch on the wheel.

Rand is the personal attendant to the False Dragon, who is now more of a lizard. He desperately begs to be taught how to control his powers before he suffers the same fate, but Lizard was never all that empathetic to begin with, and now he is actively suicidal. He agrees to teach Rand everything he knows, at the price of some fancy wine. Rand knows exactly how to earn that, and turns on the charm for his landlady. Selene really skeeves me out, for more reasons than just the predatory relationship with a barely legal guy who is clearly very mentally ill. I think it is the way she keeps trying to pretend this is more than a transactional relationship? The way she plays at romance, while still reminding Rand at every turn that she holds all the power? The way she pouts at him when he refuses to play along? I don't know, maybe she just has a sinister personality.

She gets him the wine, and an invitation to a dinner. He makes friends with some older lady who looks like Moiraine in disguise, who snarks at him about how much rich people suck. Okay, Not!Moiraine, way to hypocrite all over the place. Anyways, Rand is incredibly upset to realize the lady that has been preying on him is also preying on other desperate souls, so he runs off to Lizard. Lizard approves of the wine, and delivers the entirety of his advice: accept the madness and eventual death, because there is no way to avoid it. He then returns home where his landlady assaults him, and then they bang. Or maybe he just fell asleep and had a sex dream/hallucination. Either way, he accidentally Mannels, and burns down her inn. She rushes from the flames to find him, and I still get the feeling she's just Off.

Perrin and his friends have all been captured, except his Wolf Buddy who looks like Discount Heimdal. These are apparently the Seachan I have heard so much about. I now realize it is pronounced Shaun John, not See Chan. If there are no special effects from here on out, at least the rest of the budget was well spent on the Shaun John costumes. They are creepy as hell. Nancy Reagan is with them for reasons yet to be explained, and he keeps checking out Perrin. They take the Eyepatch guy up to force him to swear fealty to their throne, and immediately kill him when he refuses. Everyone else submits without question, though Perrin is still angry about it.

At some point he must have been knocked unconscious, because he wakes up alone, chained up in a carriage with Nancy Reagan. This dude is playing jumprope with the line between sweet grandfather and sexual predator. He wolf-baits Perrin, and comes out as the Dark One, which is still a lie. Perrin asks what he wants with him, and Nancy leans in like he is about to kiss him, and says he wants Perrin to be his. GAAAAAAYYYYYY. Heimdal and the wolves break Perrin out, and Perrin wants to rescue the others. Heimdal has another plan. Run away. Perrin follows along, but I sense some complaining in his future. He hates the choices other people make for him, but goes along with them because he still can't handle the thought of being responsible for another major mistake after his last one. Someone should tell him that choosing to follow orders is still a choice, and he is still responsible for the consequences of his choice. I fear he is going to find that out the hard way.

So onto Nynaeve, the heavy hitter of the episode. She is presented with an opportunity to walk through the swamp three arches, where she will face her greatest fears without even the force one power to protect her. If she succeeds, she will become a true Jedi master Accepted Aes Sedai. Her three greatest fears are really all the same fear. Watching people she loves suffer and die and choosing to leave them to their fate rather than fighting to save them. First up is her parents, then the Two Rivers folk, and finally, a brief flash of visions that end with her covered in blood. That last one haunts her so badly that she chooses to leave the tower, run away with Lan, and PSYCH! She was in the arches the entire time. She didn't even notice the archway return for her.

When the arch lit up and faded, the head Aes Sedai all realize she has been lost forever. The Principal of Novice School wallows in guilt, but has enough left over to remind JK Rowling that her self-righteousness won't actually wash away the blood on her hands. JK actually seems to feel shame, which I wasn't sure she was capable of before. She is suddenly more complex than the cardboard cutout lunch room bully she has been up until now. No more likeable, but painfully realistic with her ability to justify any and all actions as a defense against the deep self-loathing she can't afford to face. We all know someone like this. Someone so dedicated to their cause that they can't see the fact that they have become the exact thing they claim to fight against. In this case, She Woman Man Hater, Protector of Girls Everywhere has manipulated and murdered a young woman by treating her as a tool to power, rather than a person. But she doesn't have a penis, so she must still be Good. Right? Right? Her shields are failing. I wonder if she thought she loved Nynaeve, in whatever way her shriveled husk of a soul could comprehend love.

Egwene has recovered from her self-pity sleepover with Elayne, and is committed to appreciating Nynaeve a lot more. She goes to wake her up for school, but finds the Principal there instead. Principal stiffly and woodenly informs Egwene of Nynaeve's death and then walks out, in a way that seems cold to Egwene, but like she is inches from breaking down sobbing to the audience who saw her earlier performance. Elayne tries to comfort Egwene in her sincere, awkward way, but Egwene has just lost her final tie to home, and is not ready to pour her heart out to someone she met yesterday. Read the room, Elayne. Not that you have ever had this skill. Aren't princesses supposed to get etiquette training? She must have failed that class.

JK Rowling does find a way to blame a man after all. She WOULD have prepared Nynaeve properly, if only she hadn't been stuck tormenting Mat for no real reason except that she likes manipulating people. It is really all his fault, for being so manipulable. She releases him, after delivering a scathing rant about her own insecurities projected onto him. Someone in that room is certainly an insidious coward who mistakes their own moral failings for cunning and wallows in self pity. He and Min make a run for it, but Min goes back for a quick chat that serves no purpose except to let us the viewer know she's been working with JK all along.

Egwene goes to the arches, and pours everything she has into opening the archway for Nynaeve, but it just isn't enough. Elayne comes by for a second attempt at comfort. She is able to convince Egwene to stop trying to kill herself by overchanneling at the arches, but promises to sit with her until she's ready to leave. Maybe she CAN learn how humans work after all.

Nynaeve, meanwhile, has been living peacefully in a fantasy similar to Rand's. She and Lan are happily married, with a rambunctious daughter. They live in the Two Rivers with Mat and Perrin, and get letters from the Powerful and Amazing Egwene Sedai. After many happy years, however, her home is invaded by trollocs. She has to hide her daughter in a cellar, while she tries to fight, in a clear parallel to her own memories of losing her parents. The adults do their best, but Mat, Perrin, and Lan all die brutally within seconds of each other. Nynaeve rages so hard that she channels inside the arches. Okay, I understand. Her biggest fear is that being an Aes Sedai will keep her from protecting her loved ones because her duty will come first. She has overcome it by realizing that her power is the one thing that could have saved them all. But now for the final test. Her daughter comes upstairs for a hug, just as the archway appears. Nynaeve knows she must walk through, but she can't abandon her child to her fate. So she gathers up the girl and rushes through, only to emerge empty-handed and covered in blood to a shocked Egwene, who hugs her as she cries. Was that life ever actually real? Is there a world out there where a little girl closed her eyes and trusted her mother to carry her to safety, only to end up helpless and alone against a horde of monsters and the corpses of her family? Nynaeve will never know. Congratulations on becoming an Accepted, and on never knowing peace again.

Other episode reviews

#wot on prime #wheel of time #wot prime s2 #nonreader #wot s2 spoilers #evilphrog reviews

47 notes · View notes

thedeal-if · 1 year ago

Note

how would the ros take care of sick mc?

This!!

(Don't mind me I love comfort scenarios)

As soon as you wake up, you know this is going to be an awful day...

It's not so much a matter of intuition but of how terrible everything feels. There is a heaviness to your mind, persistent and disorienting, an overwhelming haze. Your nose is clogged, you’re burning up.

It’s a sneeze that fully wakes you up. Your brain clears a little. You're sick.

Dante spends from two to three minutes pacing like a man—demon—possessed, you lose track of his foreign rambling shortly before he halts. You lay in bed and even with your fever, you can’t seem to contain your amusement. Dante stops, fiddles with his hands, and falters under your glance like a kicked puppy.

“I don’t get sick, I think,” Dante explains, he shrugs sheepishly “You’re not going to die, right?”

His question makes you laugh, and your laugh makes everything everywhere hurt. When you wince, Dante’s frown deepens.

“I’m not dying, Dan.”

“Okay, okay,” he nods seriously. Dante nods again. He seems to decide this is a situation that is completely out of his control, because he adds, “Tell me what to do so I can help.”

Lilith presses a soft hand to your forehead, her touch is cool and comforting—like marble—, she brushes your hair/fringe back softly, nails brushing against your scalp. If Lilith was a witch, you would wonder whether she’s putting a spell on you.

Whatever she does, the effect disappears as soon as she draws her hand back.

“Well, you have a fever, love,” Lilith nods. She sounds as concerned as she is curious.

You sniff, “I hadn’t noticed.”

The Succubus ignores your words in favor of rolling her sleeves with the determination of a person on their way to war, ready to tackle any issue thrown her way. Lilith grins at you like she knows what she’s doing.

“I’ve been on Earth—well, around humans—long enough! Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing,” she claims “How about you take a nap while I get you something warm to eat?”

Josh and surprises have never mixed well—you don’t know how he could have been prepared in advance for your sudden illness. You don’t even open your mouth to complain and Josh simply knows something is wrong. He’s been familiar with your tics and quirks for over a decade, it’d be impossible for him not to notice.

“Are you okay?” Josh questions quietly. Almost instantly he winces, “That was a pretty dumb question, sorry.”

You still answer for the sake of it, “I feel like a truck ran me over.”

“You’re looking pretty good for a victim of a traffic accident,” he chuckles “You don’t need a doctor, do you? I can call one.”

“Aren’t you—” a loud sneeze interrupts you “one?”

You’ve offended Josh—as offended as he can feel when it involves you—he presses a hand to his chest like he’s nursing a stab wound.

“Not really. Not yet,” Josh hastily corrects. Deep in thought, he presses a warm hand against your forehead, then he smiles coyly “I can make an exception for you, though.”

When you explain you’re feeling ill, Villanelle’s eyes fill with concern, and then they glow. You know that look all too well. It’s the one Villanelle gets whether she gets a sudden idea she wants to test out. The realization must register on your face, as the witch is reaching out to you reassuringly.

“It’s not a bad idea, I swear! Remember, I do this all the time!”

By ‘this’, Villanelle means all the elderly inhabitants of Blackburn, their neverending lists of maladies, and her magical solutions. It makes so much sense why they worked now that you know.

“I swear you’ll be up and running in a jiffy!”

Villanelle leaves and returns half an hour later with a potion that tastes like chocolate. Your fever is gone as soon as it touches your lips.

Victor is one of the most dependent people you know, when you let him know you’re not feeling well, he doesn’t overreact or make a big deal of your situation. You think that, for Victor to openly show some concern towards you, you’d probably have to be on the brink of death.

It‘s a thought you might have complained about, but Victor doesn’t give you the chance, he pushes on your shoulder until you’re laying down, leaves briefly, and returns with a wet rag. When he presses it to your forehead, it’s cool enough that it makes you sigh.

“There’s a bottle of water on your bedside table. Drink it when the rag dries,” Victor instructs “I’ll be back with some soup— you need the protein.”

“Will you keep me company then?” you pout theatrically.

A sigh leaves his lips. Then, a reluctant, “Fine.”

“What do you mean you’re ‘sick’?”

“… It means I’m sick, Aliyah,” you sniff.

The genie has been keeping her distance—Aliyah stands tersely by the door, you almost expect her to run away—since she found out you were ill, narrowed eyes fixed on you like she’s expecting you to pull a nasty prank on her.

“Oh,” Aliyah frowns “That’s bad?”

“Yes. It is bad.”

“Boohoo. Just another thing to add to the list— Another flaw of humanity,” you wouldn’t be surprised to find out if that list existed. Aliyah probably takes it everywhere with her, she’s probably memorized it like a priest would the Bible “Is there any medicine that can fix… ‘that’?”

It’s like she’s speaking of a tumor and not a mild flu. Aliyah shuffles closer as she apparently realizes you’re not dying because of your ‘faulty nature’.

“You can keep me company,” you say with a small smile “I’d feel a lot better.”

Aliyah blinks at you with what you initially interpret to be murderous intent. Whatever she feels, she doesn’t voice. Hesitately, the genie sits by your side.

Nathan barely bats an eye when you complain about your predicament, it’s like it goes in one ear and out the other. The nearly-fallen angel invades your room like he owns the place, he flops down next to you and grins with forced innocence when you look at him in suspicion.

“What is it?” Nathan even pouts, the bastard.

“What are you planning?”

“Me? Planning?” he snorts “I leave that to the higher-ups.”

Nathan smirks, his big hand lifts until it comes to a stop in front of your eyes. You, of course, watch him carefully like he’s a lion ready to pounce. Despite your attentive glance, you can’t avoid Nathan’s finger and the way it flicks your forehead.

“You—” you gasp, but the surprise comes for another reason entirely unrelated to Nathan’s attack. Or not, given the fact that it was that very motion that cured you of your illness “Nath—”

“Are you going to grovel at my feet and praise me like I’m a God,” Nathan smirks with mischief “You sure know how to make a guy feel good about himself if that’s the case.”

You sigh in exasperation, though a fond smile of appreciation finds your lips.

“Forget it,” you say.

Eden has always been much more observant than you give her credit for. She knows of your illness as soon as she sees you, and she frowns with a challenge like it’s a physical foe she can strike and beat into submission.

“Damn,” is the only thing she says for a few moments. Eden approaches your side, takes your temperature with the back of her hand, reaches inside the bedside table and pulls out a packet of tissue when you sniff “Does anything hurt?”

“Everything does,” you pout.

“Don’t be dramatic. You’ll be fine in no time,” Eden tuts “You should sleep a little longer.”

You do and, when you wake up, it’s to Eden handing you a bowl of soup. She quietly offers to keep you company for as long as you wish her to and smiles when you nod your head yes.

#the deal #inferno #interactive fiction #ask #dante #lilith #josh #villanelle #victor #aliyah #nathan #eden #ros #scenario

47 notes · View notes

versatancore · 2 years ago

Text

(rosekiller raising child, one-shot)

"Get up already, it's already been fucking 8 am." Barty said as he was hustling Evan roughly, he was trying to wake him up since 6 am and clearly he wasn't successful enough.

"Ssshh, let us sleep! And no fucking swearing in front of her." Evan murmured in his sleep, he had no intentions of getting up.

"Babe, us?" Barty was rubbing his temples. "She's not even sleeping, she's playing with you." he said lovingly whilst looking at her little body next to Evan's.

Evan woke up in instant and kissed her cheeks, "Are you now old enough to make fun of me little one?" and started tickling her.

"Daddy, stop! Dad, help me please." she was laughing so hard that she was barely talking.

Barty pushed himself next to Evan and joined them "You deserved it," said while laughing "but you both need to get up now. Come on Evan, she'll be late for school and we'll be late for work and-"

Evan kissed him, as usual. It was the only way to make Barty stop, he had the energy of talking for an eternity if he was given the chance. "Alright my babygirl, take Alyssa and have a breakfast and I'm going to get ready. I can take her to the school today."

"Are you not going to have breakfast?" Barty was obviously complaining, Evan was sure he prepared amazing food for three of them and had to make them eat it.

"Darling, like you said, I'm late. And my job requires discipline unlike yours." Evan said as he was getting dressed. Barty let out a laugh and took a comb to braid Alyssa's hair. She knew this process so she quickly sat down on his lap.

"Daddy is boring, isn't he? You're so lucky that you have me."

Alyssa turned to him immediately "Uncle Reg says you're both pathetic and he'll adopt me when he gets the chance."

"Oh yeah of course he says that, it's a classic Regulus behaviour." Barty said playfully as he continued braiding.

"That egoistic bastard." Evan said under his breath so Alyssa couldn't hear. She probably heard tho, but there was a bigger problem. "Hey, hey! My love, are you okay?" Evan sat quickly on his knees in front of them, soothingly caresses her cheeks.

"What's wrong with my little princess?" Barty was apparently worried which made everything worse and Alyssa started crying.

Barty and Evan both hugged her and didn't say anything until she was calm enough to talk. "Now, what happened?" Evan asked.

"Dad, is he really going to take me from you? I mean obviously I love uncle Reg but I don't want anyone else to be my parents." she was trying to wipe off her tears.

"Oh my goodness, of course not." Barty pressed her to his chest while caressing her hair "He's joking. Because you know, sometimes we annoy him and that's what close friends do. But he actually loves us so much, especially you. He would never do something to make you feel sorry."

"And we would never let anyone to take you from us. Not even Uncle Regulus," Evan and Alyssa both smiled to each other "You're the most important and precious girl in the whole world. Dad and I promise you that we will never leave you alone, alright?" Evan chose his words carefully, to make her comfortable as much as possible but he meant every word he said. No one even dares to touch her unless they want to be in a grave. Both Evan and Barty were trying so hard for her to not hear about the things they did, she must have grown up purely without witnessing the cruelness of the world and known them as her safe place. On the other hand, they would set the world on fire for her without thinking twice.

Because Evan was the one who she was looking for when she was scared, moody, ill etc. he was her hero while Barty was her best friend who made her laugh everytime. So Evan had to make sure he was convincing enough with his words.

"I'll actually call Reg today and tell him that you're only our baby, is that okay?" Barty was still laughing but he tried his best to stay serious.

"Okay!" Alyssa was finally happy again. They both relieved and kissed her cheeks smoothly.

(thank you for the idea! @chace-vito, I'll probably write more of this if any of you like, your ideas are important for me <3)

124 notes · View notes

causenessus · 4 months ago

Note

good morning, evening or afternoon my loveliness!! how’s your day been? have you eaten? MAKE SURE U EAT !! today i just had pasta in the morning like i literally JUST got off work and i was like okay okay time to reply to my dearest ness(ill probably have pasta again)(like ill be eating in between writing this LOL) but OH MY GOD MY JAW DROPPED WHEN I SAW HOW LONG MY LAST ASK WAS LIKE IM LITERALLY I YAPPED SO MUCH IM SO SO SORRY LOL i was like i genuinely went😧(AND THATS EVEN IN THE SMALL FONT!!)(deepest apologies to anyone who had to scroll pass that)

OFC I NOTICE THINGS ABOUT U !! i think it’s like a like my mind mentally notes the things you say and i kind of catch onto your mannerisms?(IS THAT WEIRD??)(like in a GOOD WAY ofc) and i just kind of recognize the way you write !! like i feel like if the roles were reversed i would 100% be able to tell who you are by the way you write(IN A GOOD WAY ALWAYS IN A GOOD WAY)(all love for my one and only always always) also yeah! i don’t live in the states but i think our timezones are the same or like one hour apart so I TOTALLY GET IT the assumption is valid! DONT APOLOGIZE AT ALL i would’ve done the exact same thing or honestly if someone said “i have the same time zone as you” i would probably be like omg stop they’re my neighbour LMAOO

THE RESTAURANT CHAOS SEEMS SO REAL like i’ve never worked in a restaurant so i can’t really imagine the environment but hearing the experience from you and my friend who works at olive garden i’m like… maybe i SHOULDNT complain about my retail job LOL LIKE IT SEEMS SO CHAOTIC? but that’s so true!!(sorry you probably have no idea what i’m talking about) LIKE I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN MAKING SURE THE CUSTOMER IS OKAY like ill be running around the store holding like pounds of clothing and ill have a customer come up to me like “erm do you have this in the back?” LIKE MA’AM RESPECTFULLY NO IM SORRY CAN YOU TALK TO ME WHEN IM NOT BUSY but i CANT say that so i just end up saying “im sorry whatever we have out here is all we have :)” then i scurry away like IM JUST A GIRL?? also also idk if this is a common thing too but lets talk about some of the WEIRDOS at work right so i know im 18 now but when i was a minor i had some weird interactions with MEN(let me just give you a little description of mango anon right so im like 5’1 and i have a baby face like “going into places saying i’m 13 for it to be cheaper” type of baby face)(but this is when i was like 16 i don’t think that trick will work anymore LOL) but tell me why i had GROWN MEN come up to me USING MY NAME(curse name tags) be weird? like i had this one guy literally tell ME(I WAS 16 OR 17 DURING THIS) “you’d make a good housewife!” when i was folding his clothes and at first i was like yo okay that’s a bit weird but then he was like “how old do you have to be to work here?” THEN i was like okay okay that’s personal information! so i was just like “oh haha idk” like awkwardly and he’s like “so do you have to be over 18 to work here” and i was like SIR okay your total is $18.67 how would you like to pay today! anyways it was weird, my other coworkers also had a lot of weird interactions so like one of my coworkers who was older than me just told me to not wear my name tag like our managers won’t make a huge deal out of it and whatever so yeah that was that, lesson of the day! don’t be a weirdo!

also i swear run and props is like favourite for tech theatre WHICH I GET like when i was in high school a lot of people liked being in run and prop because idk they like the big role or something?? i think also costumes and makeup was also pretty popular but like i remember one time the director flipped a switch on us because like the makeup crew was actually people from our cosmetology class and they would like fool around A LOT like they did the makeup but they would be like yapping a lot so one day my director was like IF UR NOT GONNA DO UR JOB THEN WE’LL HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DO IT !! and then everyone was like oohh okayyy(we got yelled at A LOT tbh for little silly things)(tech theatre ptsd ill tell u) and omg the kid who wanted your light job like CALM DOWN(i am now too spiteful against them)(i will hire the etsy witch to curse them for you) like i swear i’ve met some of the worse people in tech and its CRAZY like the ratio of normal people to absolute arrogant weirdos is CRAZY(ill be generous and say 1:3)and literally yeah like i didn’t want to continue with tech because of the toxic environment like i literally CAN NOT, i know people in uni would be a little more mature and like take tech more seriously but i STILL CANT LIKE there will always be that one person that will ruin it for everyone so i had to blow out the torch and unfortunately say goodbye to theatre </3 UNLESS ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE I HEAR YOU DROP THAT YOURE GONNA BE WORKING AT A THEATRE i’ll literally buy my plane tickets and sign up to be sounds and go be with you like YOU WILL MAKE IT BEARABLE and we’ll literally be the ultimate lights and sound duo like no one can compete idc if the other person has more years of experience than me I WILL STILL SQUEEZE MYSELF IN !! ALSO OMG IN MY THEATRE DAYS (in my good old days) literally most of the people who did take it serious were WOMEN like we are tech mothers!! we are women in STEM!! the majority of people who got on my nerves were men(i apologize to any men reading this)(but unfortunately it is the truth for me </3) ALSO PLS ITS SO FUNNY HOW YOU HAVE AN ICK FOR EVERY GUY YOU USED TO LIKE (i 100% get it) i love hearing about it too LOL ALSO THAT DYNAMIC OF STAGE MANAGER READER AND LIGHTS HEAD SUNA?? i can literally imagine suna being so silly and teasing while the reader has to take it seriously since yk.. it’s her job LIKE ITS LITERALLY LIKE MANAGER READER X SUNA BUT THEATRE-IZED (if that makes sense) also PLS DONT WORRY!! u have so much stuff lined up like take your time and don’t worry! at the end of the day everyone should be thankful that you’re even here sharing your amazing talents with everyone <33

also oh. my. god. if i heard someone say “ITS UP TO ME TO SAVE THE SHOW” i think i would die on spot like id stare at them in genuine disbelief and be like.. alright… alright everyone pack it up our HERO is here to save us like ?? omg and i literally had the same experience right so we were doing the shirley holmes play right and our lead just would not SPEAK UP LIKE ill admit. their acting was pretty good and stage presence was good but WHY CANT YOU SPEAK UP??? like literally so many times i had to like try to read her lips because i literally could not like it was so frustrating, and i couldn’t even be mad at her because she was good EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT SHE COULDNT PROJECT and yk why yk why she was like “im saving my voice for show night” like… excuse me… EXCUSE ME?? (anyways i have a lot of old rage from tech)(this is why i quit!!!)

ONLINE GROUPS ARE SO FUNNY LIKE I SWEAR ITS THE SAME LINEUP LIKE the oldest which formed the group, we have the middle area then the random minors who are like 10 years younger than everyone LOL but socks if you read this im so sorry </333 idk if i liked you back i was like 15 at the time but i promise you i wasn’t ghosting you </333 i was just trying to see what you said I DIDN’T MEAN IT !! ALSO DONT WORRY ABT UR TANGENTS BCUZ ME TOO i literally ramble and yap so much sometimes im ASTONISHED LMAOO

ALSO IM GONNA GO BACK MEMORY LANE FOR A SECOND BCUZ THAT ANON THAT ASKED YOU ABT THE ORIGINAL LOVENOTES STORY AWAKENED SOMETHING IN ME so i remember the first ever ask i sent in was when you were first making love notes like the intros were out already and everything and you were talking about how like having suga in the storyline was kinda messing you up a little bit and you were saying how you were second guessing yourself on it so i sent in a little anon ask(I CANT REMEMBER PROPERLY BUT) saying basically “hey !! you can still change the storyline because it is ur story !! just write what you’re comfortable with” SOMETHING LIKE THAT and u were literally so sweet and then that’s when you changed it and i was like omg ness is literally so sweet what then a few days later i sent in just a small like “hi ness how are you ! did you eat yet?” (i think those were my exact words i actually don’t remember) AND YOU WERE LITERALLY SO SWEET?? LIKE I ALMOST CRIED BCUZ LIKE you were like “tell me what you ate and how you are!” and i thought it was literally the sweetest thing ever so i made it my life obligation and role to make sure you were always taking care of yourself from now on like even if im busy i will always send a little “make sure to eat!! take care of urself!!” (i’ll literally be ur guardian angel from now on) i also think you put it in ur favourites and i literally MY HEART MELTED I WAS LIKE HHHHHH BUT YEAH anyways that’s the origins of mango anon LOL but anyways omg i yapped so much this took an hour to write (IM NOT COMPLAINING I JUST THINK ITS FUNNY)(but to be fair i ate between writing these) it’s so funny bcuz an hour passes by but i don’t feel like it’s an hour like i swear i black out and i just type type type and im like omg im done!!

ANYWAYS i hope you’ve had a good day today and that you’ve eaten well!! U DESERVE NOTHING BUT THE BEST make sure to take care of urself I APPRECIATE AND LOVE YOU VERY MUCH SO MAKE SURE YOU TAKE CARE OF URSELF!! always and always <333 xoxoxo

MY LOVELY MANGO ANON I MISSED U SM <3 HELLO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON HELLO CAN U TELL I MISSED U (like it wasn't my own fault i haven't been able to open my inbox until just not BUT NONETHELESS I MISSED YOU </33 LIKE I WAS WORKING AND I WAS LIKE "i haven't seen anything from mango anon yet </3" BUT THAT'S NO PRESSURE ON YOU!! IK YOU WERE BUSY AND ALSO HAD THAT 9-5:30 SO I TOTALLY GET IT OKAY NOW I'M GOING TO GO BACK AND READ YOUR ASK!!!)

I HOPE YOU ATE AS WELL!! dw i've once again been eating my depression meal staple BUT TODAY my toast had almond butter on it bc i'm just really obsessed with almond butter <3 SO I THINK I ATE GOOD TODAY!! AND I HOPE YOUR PASTA WAS GOOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON AAA I MISSED U 😭 AND IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN A DAY OR ANYTHING SINCE WE TALKED BUT I JUST MISSED U PLEASE DON'T WORRY ABOUT LONG ASKS AT ALL!!! PEOPLE CAN DEAL WITH IT AND SCROLL PAST YOU ARE MY ONLY PRIORITY <3

and i totally get what you mean!! i catch onto a lot of people's mannerisms/habits as well and always remember like super small details they'll tell me about but i feel like i've never met anyone else who does that 😭 YOU AND ME BEING TWIN FLAMES AGAIN MANGO ANON I'M IN LOVE WITH U <3

AND PLEASE AS SOMEONE WHOSE WORKING IN THE RETAIL AND FOOD INDUSTRIES RN </3 THEY BOTH HAVE THEIR OWN PROBLEMS like yes men are weird 😔 i can't tell if i appreciate the fact that like 50% of the sushi chefs i work with have/have had a crush on me and the way they all stare 😭 or find it uncomfortable BC LIKE on one hand they are very nice!! and it hypes me up!! like most of them are just "aw you look like ur mother <3" since i work at that job with my mom (unfortunately) but then the one's who like me are like "do u want me to cut watermelon for u 👴" LIKE NO BRO GET AWAY 😭😭 AND LIKE FRFR THE TERRIFYING INTERACTIONS I HAVE WITH OLD MEN ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS A MINOR???? THAT WAS NOT GOOD AND THE WAY MY JAW DROPPED READING YOU TALK ABOUT THE MAN THAT SAID YOU'D MAKE A GOOD HOUSEWIFE LIKE??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? LITERALLY WHO SAYS THAT TO ANYONE AND EVEN MORE TO LIKE SOMEONE YOUNG WORKING A RETAIL JOB AND LIKE 50K MORE REASONS WHAT IN THE WORLD 🤮🤮🤮 it is literally horrible that like you have to not wear a nametag just to prevent those interactions 😭 but at the same time nametags suck!! and i never wear mine bc i just don't care LMAO

TECH THEATRE PTSD </33 IMO I ALWAYS THOUGHT RUN/PROPS WAS SUPER POPULAR JUST BC IT SEEMED LIKE THE EASIEST THING TO START IN IF THAT MAKES SENSE?? LIKE LIGHTS/SOUND ALWAYS SOUNDS INTIMIDATING AND FOR MY SCHOOL (going to stop talking in caps bc idk why i'm screaming all the time like for what?? calm down ness it's ok) we had like a SINGLE person on makeup (and so our tech director would do specials) and like just a few people for costumes. sound was usually like two people, lights was a bit bigger (unfortunately)(i HATE working with people)(except if i worked with u <3 i would be jumping for joy and my life would be sunshine and rainbows <3), but run and props was always the biggest. like i started there bc it seemed the least scary!! so i think that's a lot of other people's thought process too 😭 WE ALSO GOT YELLED AT A LOT FOR STUPID THINGS or i mean idk if it was stupid we kind of deserved it bc like theatre kids yap SO much but like my director during tech week would always be like "we must preach patience and kindness guys!! everyone is stressed during this week so please be patient with each other ❤" and then HE'D be the one to blow up like my freshman year when i got thrown into ASMing for our spring play backstage like someone on my side was talking and my director like LOST IT and came into the wing from behind me and started yelling at us and literally gave me a panic attack 😭😭 like i had to leave bc i could NOT breathe and luckily someone found me bc i was fully about to pass out LMAOAOAO AND THEN my junior year is when i started lights and so u probably get this but like yk lights and sound is always in a booth (which i think are always behind all the seats, right? or at least that's how it's been for every theatre i've gone to) and so our director lost it again bc someone was talking i think but since i'm in the booth we watch this middle aged bald man get up and go behind stage and we're all like "oh no."

like that rehearsal full on stopped everyone started hiding LMAO OUR PEOPLE WITH HEADSETS BACKSTAGE PUT DOWN THEIR MICS SO WE COULD HEAR WHO HE WAS YELLING AT but everyone in the booth went on lockdown like our spot op ran up to hide in the booth and then we locked the door and i hid on a speaker bc i was NOT getting yelled at again but then we resumed rehearsal and our director never came up so my stage manager next to me and me were like "oh thank goodness he didn't come yell at us" AND THEN HE POPPOED UP RIGHT OUTSIDE OUR BOOTH WINDOW AND I SCREAMED 😭😭😭 AND HE CAME IN AND THEN JUST WENT

"okay how's it going? what do you need from me?" i need you to LEAVE SIR MY SOUL JUST LEFT MY BODY

ANYWAY THE 1:3 RATIO IS SO GENEROUS LMAOOO there is so much toxicity there 😭😭 so i totally get it. when the theatre world comes crashing down u and i will make our comeback mango anon!! we'll go in as a fire lights and sound duo together and beat all the professionals despite only having high school experience LMAO

I ALSO HAVE A LOT OF OLD RAGE FROM TECH THAT'S WHY I'M STILL MAD AT THE KID WHO TRIED TO STEAL MY JOB 😭 i will never get over the "it's up to me" quote like literally i remember that and the RAGE THAT FILLS MY VEINS OMG anyway 🌸 "i'm saving my voice for show night" HELLO??? I BET SHE DIDN'T EVEN SPEAK UP DURING THE ACTUAL PERFORMANCES OR NOT THAT MUCH LOUDER AND LITERALLY LIKE IF UR VOICE IS THAT SENSITIVE GET OUT OR FIX IT OR SOMETHING IDK BUT LIKE U CANNOT DO THAT (i am with u completely on the still having old pent up rage as u can see)

ONLINE GROUPS ARE DEF FUNNY AND THE RANDOM MINORS BEING 10 YEARS YOUNGER THAN EVERYONE ELSE IS SO REAL 😭😭 pov 2020 when i was on a shifting discord server.....and there were people of all ages....what a time that was....i don't want to think about it anymore....

AND AAAA MEMORY LANE <333 I REMEMBER EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE ASKS BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE SWEETEST!!! like i could not tell you how much it meant to me to have someone checking in to make sure i ate bc that's just something super like ??????? sweet to me <3 like i felt so loved reading your asks AND I STILL DO!!!! TIME FLIES WHEN UR HAVING FUN!! (barf. never saying that agian. way too cliche. BUT YKWIM) I LOVE LOVE LOVE THESE LONG YAP SESSIONS!! THEY ARE MY FAVORITE THING EVER <3 I'M SO GLAD YOU DECIDED TO START SENDING IN MORE ASKS BC YOU HAVE LITERALLY CHANGED MY LIFE AND MADE ME SO HAPPY MANGO ANON I'M SO THANKFUL FOR YOU AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IF YOU COULDN'T TELL <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 (that's a lot of threes but i just spam threes as a way to get out pent up love/energy. it's like my way of stimming through the screen LMAO)

I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD DAY!!! TODAY HAS BEEN AMAZING NOW THAT I'VE HEARD FROM YOU MANGO ANON MY LOVE MY FAVORITE PERSON EVER MY SOULMATE LOVE OF MY LIFE <33333333 you deserve the entire universe and more!!! you deserve a sky full of shooting stars and thousands of wishes and for all of them to come true <3 i love you sm mango anon!! please make sure to take care of yourself too or i'll simply have to book a ticket and fly to you and take care of you bc i'll gladly be ur housewife <3 🥰 IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM U!! AND HAVE A LOVELY DAY TOMORROW AS WELL <3333

#i love you so much mango anon #i have no idea why i'm so sappy today BUT IT'S NOT A BAD THING #HOPEFULLY I WASN'T TOO SAPPY THOUGH #SORRY I THINK I YAPPED EVEN MORE THIS POST 😭😭 I WAS JUST SO HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU #ILY ILY ILY <3333 #mango anon <3 #answers <3

3 notes · View notes

confessions-official · 7 months ago

Note

my academic life keeps getting fucked up just by circumstances out of my control and the schools never HELP me. i swear they have personal beef with the concept of kinda okay things happening to me academically.

i was going to go to a private high school that was pretty much intended for neurodivergent kids and then that shut down. so i was like ok whatever let me go to a public school that i hate because when we got thte news that the school was closing, incoming freshman had already enrolled and so even if they got in to other private schools they couldn’t go, they didn’t help us with finding other schools or anything. and i went to the public school and it’s bad. i hate it. i have no friends my age because i’m noticeably neurodivergent and every time i have tried to initiate conversation with another teen it goes so so badly. but then the school announced that they were offering a philosophy class and i immediately signed up. i was really really excited for it, actually looking forward to next year. and then in may my entire life fell apart because my cat, who i love more than my own father, died and i knew it was going to happen but i still miss her. i’ve been trying to stop that from bleeding into my school life but last week i got an email from the school that was basically “we’re not doing philosophy anymore sorry. if we fucked up your college plans go to your counselor idc <3”.

and the solution to these problems is to take classes at a nearby community college. which i am trying to do. but the registration process is so fucking difficult. especially because i am. fucking stupid. i feel like my faith is being tested by god except i don’t believe in a god who can interfere in your life as much as they would be inferfering in mine. i also am hella depressed right now and i am on antidepressants but this month has been a challenge. if i could just not attend the next couple weeks that would be great. i simply cannot do it. i’m giving up on high school. i can’t do this and i can’t go to college either. i don’t want to. how am i a FRESHMAN, not taking any ap classes or anything, taking less classes than other ninth graders actually, and about to have a psychological breakdown because of school. i know it’s the autism but can i have a normal moment in my school or social life please. i know i have an amazing life and i can’t really complain about it but i feel like i’m too stupid for it. i really am not smart enough. and things keep getting in the way of me doing well academically. yes i am aware that this is the severe mental illness speaking but my 2024 has just been constant Ls so far i am so tired

#confession

3 notes · View notes

ghost-of-you · 1 year ago

Text

we just danced backwards into each other - ch - part 8

Paring: Calum Hood x Original Female Character.

Warnings: Swearing, mildly angsty vibes.

Word Count: 8k

Authors note: sorry this one took so long, i got stuck on a scene here and nothing i wrote about it was working, but finally got it and things started flowing a lot better, i actually already have a good chunk of the next part written, so hopefully ill update soon

Read it on AO3

Part 7 Part 9

Masterlist

_______

Lena smiles from her place on the floor when Calum greets her, fixing the last of the cables, before scrambling to her feet and out of the booth. She had asked him to meet her in the studio with little notice so even though he told her he'd be there, she's excited to see him.

“I had an idea,” she says, bouncing on her feet as she stops in front of him, looking up at him expectantly, making him chuckle.

"Okay?”

"You know how we agree that voice note is like, the best version of the song?" She asks, waiting for him to agree before continuing, "what if we did the song as a live take? I can clean it and mix it and if it sounds good we go with it, if it doesn’t we’ll try something else."

“Sounds like a plan,” he nods and she grins at him.

“So you’re in?”

“It’s your song,” he laughs and she frowns at him.

“Come on, it’s ours,” she playfully shoves his shoulder making him chuckle, “I just thought that like this it would stay, you know, ours,” she shrugs, turning around to get her notebook in her backpack.

“Is that why we’re alone?” He asks, sounding confused as he sits in one of the chairs next to the board.

“I am qualified, you know?" She shrugs, sitting next to him. It wasn't easy to get her team to allow this to happen, but she had worked as an engineer for herself on other tracks of the album, so there wasn't a real excuse to not let her do it for this one. "There's a catch though, they need to be on while we record," she says, pointing through the glass into the booth to the 2 cameras set up around the piano, "and if you don't want that we can figure something-" she trails off as he looks at her, an amused glint in his eyes.

“Are you nervous?” He teases and she looks at him in disbelief.

“Yeah? I only ever did this for myself, having someone else in the studio is intimidating."

“It’s just me,” he chuckles and she rolls her eyes.

“Shut up, do you know how many number-one albums you have? Right now you’re not the boy who used to copy my math homework," she complains, running her hands through her hair and he laughs.

"The boy who copied your math homework? That's all I am?"

"Oh, yeah, absolutely, just the kid that sat behind me."

“Love,” he says, tilting his head and she can tell he can see she’s spiraling.

“I want this to work,” she tells him, glancing at the controls, before dropping her head, “I need this to work."

"It's gonna work. Are you done setting up?"

"Yeah," she nods, and he grabs her hand, pulling her up.

"Okay, come on," he says, moving them to the booth.

“Sit down,” Calum says, patting the seat beside him and she narrows her eyes at him.

“Why?”

“I’m teaching you the song,” he says, reaching for her hand and pulling her towards him, and she rolls her eyes, sitting down.

“You know can’t play that.”

“Nonsense.”

“I really can’t.”

“Just trust me.”

“Me trusting you doesn’t change the fact I can’t play the piano.”

"Can you hit a key on the right tempo?"

“I can’t make any guarantees,” she laughs, hitting some random notes just prove her point.

“I believe in you,” he teases, and she sighs, looking at her hands before looking back at him.

“Okay, let’s do this.”

Lena didn't plan on making that noise into the microphone. She didn't plan on making that noise at all. Given the way it had echoed through the arena, calling it a squeal didn't feel big enough. A shriek? A flat-out scream? All she knew is that every eye in the area around the stage and the soundboard was on her and Sylvia was looking at her fondly annoyed.

"Sorry, everyone," she apologized into the mic, making a point of keeping her voice as soft as she could through the excitement coursing through her veins, backing away from it at the same time she met Calum's questioning eyes as he moved closer to the stage from the floor.

He'd been watching her soundcheck lately. It sometimes made her wonder if he knew her songs were all about feelings she had about him. When he'd ask her to sing a song she hadn't thought about in a while, the ones that are bubbly and fun and so painfully hopeful and that she was always surprised to find out he even knew. She'd always sing them though, fumbling through notes on the ones she hadn't played in a while just because it seemed to make him happy.

It actually took a lot of effort for her not to just jump off the stage into his arms once he got close enough for her to do it. So she settled on sitting on the edge reaching a hand out for him and he had barely finished helping her down before she was throwing her arms around his neck.

"What happened?" He laughed, the hands he still had on her waist moving to wrap around her.

"I just got nominated for best new artist," she said, hiding her face in his neck and moving to step away from him but he kept his arm around her, locking her in place, smiling widely at her.

"Okay, that noise makes sense now," he teased and she pouted, "congratulations, love," he added.

"Thanks," she grinned, moving to hug him again before stepping back. This time he let her go but grabbed her hand dragging her with him around the arena before she could question what he was doing. Not that she thought really hard about questioning. She was done with soundcheck, and they needed to clear the area for the band's soundcheck with the fans anyway.

When he pushed a door open and pulled her inside a room, she was tempted to ask though. She didn't have to, he was pressing her against the door he'd just closed, lips finding hers before she even began to form a question.

Lena would like to say she was used to what it felt like to kiss Calum. She would also be lying. But now she was allowed to kiss him, most times it was more soothing than dizzying.

But then, sometimes, he'd surprise her like that and she'd forget that she needed oxygen. Hell, she'd forget her own name. His lips on hers and his hands digging into her waist and his hair under her fingers and the thundering noise her heart made were the only thing that existed.

Calum was the one that pulled away. Maybe pulled away was an exaggeration. He was still very much in her space, forehead against hers as she gasped for the air he stole from around her.

"I'll take it you're proud of me," she laughed, still feeling breathless.

"We're celebrating."

"It's just a nomination," she giggled but he shook his head.

"It's your first nomination, love, we're celebrating."

"When you say celebrating," she trailed off when he moved to kiss a path across her jaw and down her neck.

"I mean, partying,” Calum said the words to her skin, hands sneaking under her shirt, “and then taking advantage of the way there's no show tomorrow and a hotel room with my name on it."

"I like the way you think, Hood,” she said, a little breathless, as his hands moved higher, “but you need to chill out because I'm not letting you fuck me in a supply closet in a venue," she pulled back, turning them so he would be the one against the door, but stepping back from him, and he smirks at her, a knowing look that made her cheeks burn, "that was one time! And it was an office, not a closet," she complained as he pulled her back to him with a laugh.

"Does it change anything?" He asked, lips pressed to her neck and she giggled.

"For starters, clean surfaces, and you know, a door that locked."

"I'm pretty sure this door also locks," he chuckled, feeling around the door until the lock clicked.

"That's not the point." She got cut off when he kissed her again, more insistent this time and it was hard to think while his hands moved on her. "Nope, not happening, also you need to go to your soundcheck," she moved a hand to his chest, and he pouted at her as she felt around for the lock, “but I’ll make it up to you tonight,” she punctuated her words with a kiss to his cheek while she pushed the door open.

"Why did we never write together before?" Lena asks, turning to look at him. They've done a few takes and she thinks she has enough to work with, but the thought of moving away from the bench is incredibly unappealing. So she's stalling.

"We never talked about it," Calum shrugs and she pouts.

"Why?"

"I don't know, why did you never bring it up?"

"Because I was writing about you and I thought it would be awkward," she deadpans, startling a laugh out of him, "but hey, we're good together, the song is good, so like, why have we never done this before?" She asks again and he watches her for a second before answering.

"It just never seemed like a good moment to ask."

"Why?"

"We never got around to it when we were in school and the only other time it could've happened was on tour and-" he cuts himself, making her frown.

"What?"

"Honestly? I think it was gonna make us talk about what it all meant."

"And that would definitely be awkward."

"But, if you're up for it, we can do it again, I know you write with Luke so, maybe," he shrugs and she smiles at him.

"Well, my album is done and from what Luke told me so is yours, so maybe we can revisit this conversation when we start working on the next one, or if any of us has an idea that could work," she offers and he nods.

"Deal."

"Okay, I'm pretty sure I have all I need, so we should get out of here," Lena says after a beat of silence, getting up from the bench.

"Wait, I got you something," Calum says, pulling a jewelry box from his pocket and she frowns at him.

"Why?" She asks, eyeing the box as she takes it.

"You keep reaching for your neck," he shrugs as she opens it and pulls the necklace there out so she could look at it. It's a little silver sun, the shape kind of looks like the one from Tangled and she smiles at how detailed the charm is for something so small.

"Why a sun?" She asks, still studying the charm, somewhat fascinated about the way the little gems in it catch the light when she moves it.

"It made me think of you." The way he says it makes her focus shift to him, watching his face, unsure of how to feel.

"Thank you," she breathes, still looking at him as he smiles at her, "can you?" She asks, handing him the necklace and turning around, moving her hair out of the way for him to put it on for her, smiling down at it before turning back to him.

"Does this mean I need to get you a moon or something like that now?" She laughs, reaching for his necklace hanging on the front of his shirt, her bracelet dangling next to it.

"I don't think we need to match every gift we get each other," he laughs, shaking his head and she scrunches her nose looking at him.

"Well, but you got me this because you don't want me to want the bass," she says and he shrugs.

"It's not like you can play the bass."

"Yes, I can!" She protests and he frowns at her.

"Since when?"

"My second album? I'm playing the bass in like, half the tracks."

"You are?" His face softens, sounding surprised and a little bit impressed and she huffs.

"Don't sound so surprised, I'm not as good as you are but it's not like I'm playing anything particularly elaborate."

"When did you even?"

"It was during this wave of stuff I did while trying to distract myself after, the bass was adjacent enough to the guitar that I didn't absolutely suck at the first try so I stuck with it? But I tried a bunch of shit, I tried painting and playing random instruments, I went to a pottery class once, that sucked, calligraphy, crochet, knitting, sewing, it was crazy."

"When did you even sleep?"

"I had trouble sleeping while I was working on that album, so I was keeping occupied, it was better than tossing and turning, it made me feel productive," she shrugs, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Love," Calum starts, but he seems unsure of what to say and she shakes her head.

"Hey, you know how bad I am at sleeping, it's fine."

"You know, Andy told me you put yourself in the hospital back then, kinda hard to believe it was fine," he says, raising an eyebrow at her and she groans

"He makes that sound so much worse than it was."

"Did you pass out on campus?"

"Yeah."

"Did you spend the night at the hospital?"

"Yeah."

"Then I think it was bad, love," he chuckles and she rolls her eyes.

"It's not like I dropped in the middle of the street, I was in the health center."

"Not the defense you think it is.”

"Okay, it wasn't fine, but it wasn't as bad as it looked, that was just a bad week, and now I can play more instruments, I know I suck at crafting, and I'm decent at painting, it's fine," she says, motioning vaguely around her and he laughs.

"If you say so."

"I do say so, now let's go face the photographers that are definitely out there and just get out of here already."

_______

Lena had somehow seen Calum every day for the past two weeks. Mostly not on purpose, the little encounters were never planned. They were also way too short, leaving her feeling the need to see more of him. They text every day too. Nothing like they used to when they were teens, when they would spend most of the day together in school and then text the rest of it because they somehow never ran out of things to say to each other, but still enough to make her wait for the notifications to come.

If she decides to be completely honest about it, she doesn't like the feeling. And she doesn't like that she doesn't like it. She hates it, actually. She hates that she can't get out of her own head for long enough to just… relax. That her anxious brain keeps telling her overly excited heart to calm down. To back off. To stop doing this hopeful little dance every time her phone rings. But it's not like she can make it stop. Old habits die hard and all that. And apparently in all ways because she can't help her feelings any more than she can't stop fighting against them. Leaving her playing an exhausting game of tug of war with herself.

She doesn’t even know what she’s overthinking, because she doesn't know what she wants from Calum. For a long time, she didn't really know anything when it came to him. And now she doesn't know what to believe, so she doesn't know how to feel. When he's right there it's easy for her not to think about all the bad things, it’s as easy as it always was. But then she's alone. And then she’s spiraling.

"L, are you even listening?" Michael's voice came followed by a poke in her ribs, that made her squeak and drop her pen, before looking up from her homework to him, green eyes glowing with a familiar mischief that made her laugh.

"Sorry, what did Cal do? I wasn't paying attention," she asked, closing her notebook and leaning back into the chair, her elbow on Calum's desk, watching as Michael's grin got wilder as he leaned against the desk beside hers and Calum let out an exasperated groan.

"He has a date," he explained and Lena's eyes widened. She couldn't exactly say that was completely unexpected, he had talked about a girl he was interested in. Not to her all that much though, so she didn't know everything about the situation. But the information made her heart clench.

"What?" She frowned, looking between the boys, Michael's eyes narrowing at her in the few seconds it took for her to realize she didn't sound teasing, she sounded hurt, "someone agreed to go out with you?" She quickly added, teasingly, trying to match the grin on Michael's face as she turned to Calum.

"Not you too," he said, rolling his eyes and she laughed.

"It's just surprising," she said, pressing her lips together while Michael let out a "Right?" that made her laugh.

"I hate you both," he said and she rolled her eyes.

"Don't act like you don't give me hell every time I ask someone out," Michael said, giving him an unimpressed look that made Lena giggle.

"You do fall in love like every other week, dude," she said but Michael shook his head.

"This isn't about me, it's about him," he pointed at Calum who dropped his head to his desk with a groan, but before anyone could say anything else, their teacher walked in, making Michael scramble to go sit.

"You know we're just teasing, right?" She whispered, leaning her chin on her arm still on Calum's desk and he nodded at her, before leaning down to get his notebook and she turned forward, reopening hers, and staring blankly at the board, twirling a pen between her fingers.

Why did the thought of Calum on a date with someone make her upset? Both of them had spent years going on about how they were just friends. She shouldn't be upset about it. She loved Calum. She wanted him to be happy.

Wait, she loved him. She loved him? Like loved loved him? She was aware she might have a slight crush on him, how could she not, but was she in love with him? Did the thought of him dating someone else made her feel like that because she wanted him to date her?

"Oh shit," she mumbled under her breath at the same time the pen slipped from her fingers, startling her as it landed somewhere behind her. Her heart was picking up speed as she leaned to the side, looking around the floor for the lost pen and Calum leaned down too, grabbing it next to his foot, sitting up straight while she turned to him when he reached to hand it back to her.

"Thanks," she breathed, taking the pen back and feeling her heart go crazy in her chest when he grinned and winked at her as she was turning back.

So Lena doesn't know how they ended up here. She was on edge, the song was coming out, so she was stressed and this was the last time she was gonna see Calum for who even knows how long because the band was leaving for promo the next day and she was doing promo for their single alone and she's so unbelievably anxious about it, it's making her more sensitive. She knows that. But now she's moving around the building, with Calum trailing behind her, trying to get her to talk to him. It's not his fault, the comment about them being back together was innocent enough, the issue wasn't the comment, but the way Calum turned to look at her, a flash of guilt on his face, that put her right back in that dressing room.

So she doesn't want to talk to him, because she will say something stupid and she knows it's not his fault so it will just be creating an unnecessary fight.

But he's not letting her get away from him.

"I don't want to talk about it, Calum," she tells him again, this time stopping to turn to look at him.

"But you need-"

"No, I don't," she interrupts him, and he frowns.

"Lena."

"When you start talking about it I stop seeing my best friend and I start seeing the guy who walked out on me," she says, taking a step back away from him and he gives her a helpless look, "and I don't want to think about that anymore."

"Doesn't seem like you can stop," he all but rolls his eyes and she groans.

"What? You think that knowing how you felt during that is gonna change anything?"

"Come on, that tour was hell."

"I know, I was there," she does roll her eyes and the frown on his face deepens.

"I was doing what I could."

"And I was trailing behind," she motions vaguely around her, "I know what went down, and I know how you felt because I knew you, but it doesn't matter."

"No, you just think you know," he challenges, stepping closer to her and she huffs.

"Yeah, well, I don't need a detailed explanation on exactly how not enough for you I am."

Lena regrets the words before she finishes saying them. Before Calum steps back away from her like she shoved him. Before the hurt look in his eyes makes her freeze.

But it really kills her as she stays rooted in place watching him walk away from her.

________________

"Andy?" Lena knocks on the door to his room, even though it's the middle of the night, after hearing the telltale sounds of whatever game he's into now that shows her that he's still up.

"Are you finally ready to tell me why you're spiraling?" Andy calls from inside the room and she frowns as she takes that as an invitation to go in.

"Come on," she complains, sitting on the edge of his bed as he turns around in his chair and rolls himself closer to the bed.

"What? You've been like this for weeks,” he says, stopping in front of her, “and you haven't talked to me all day, just tell me maybe I can help."

"I don't know how to explain it," she runs a hand through her hair, dropping back.

"Voice your thoughts, I'm really good at translating you."

"It's…" She trails off, fidgeting with the necklace Calum gave her, fighting to get the words out.

"Le, babe, I promise you, anything that leaves you this stressed it's not stupid," he says, a comforting hand on her knee and she pushes herself up leaning on her elbows so she could look at him.

"It's just…"

"Words, Lena."

"I'm stressed about Calum," she blurts out and he huffs.

"Now tell me the part I don't know."

"I… it's just I can't stop thinking," she says, sitting up and he nods.

"About?"

"He said he's winning me back, and I was enjoying the effort."

"But?"

"When I left,” she pauses when he gives her a pointed look, “when I ran, I said I was done, but I didn't turn it all off, you know? I couldn't. But I also couldn't keep feeling like it was always gonna be like that, all the pining. No, not pining, pining it's too calm, too calm for whatever we had going. I was burning and I was drowning and I was tired, but I still loved him, I still wanted it."

"Okay."

“And I can’t stop thinking about everything that happened between us because I still do, you know? I still love him, and I want it so badly. I want things to work out, I want the stupid story of us finding a way back, I'd be lying if I say I don't, but I’m also scared."

"Of?" Andy asks after she doesn't continue and she sighs.

"That he doesn't really want me. That he’s just enjoying the chase, and there's too much fucked up shit in the middle for us to ever be okay again and when we agreed on the whole thing, I said he can't kiss me."

"Yeah."

"Because he has this effect that gives me tunnel vision and makes me only see what he wants," she trails off, fidgeting with the edge of her shirt and he chuckles.

"Oh, I know, but you're spiraling, why exactly?" He asks and she looks at him, chewing on her bottom lip while she contemplates how to say it.

"I'm scared I'm the one who's just enjoying the chase," she admits and he frowns, tilting his head to the side.

"What do you mean?"

"All I ever wanted was for him to try, and he's trying, I basically forced the man to take me out so I could see what it would be like."

"Didn't he say he wanted to fix things?"

"Yeah, but what if we're beyond fixing?"

"L, wait," Michael said, turning the car off when she reached for her shoes, and she sighed, unbuckling the seatbelt. Lena was feeling hazy, definitely still drunk, but the cool night air had cleared her head enough to know what Michael was going to say.

"Mike, please don't," she pleaded, mechanically putting her shoes on as she avoided the way she could feel his eyes on her.

"What?

"Defend him," she sighed, finally turning to look at him. He had a very familiar look on his face. The ride-or-die type look that let everyone know that he'd take Calum's side no matter what. Michael had perfected it over the years but it always had the I-need-to-stand-by-him glint that she found staring back at her.

"But you gotta know," he started, but she shook her head.

"I respect that you wanna do something, I do, but don't do it."

"But he's," he tried again but she interrupted him again.

"Look, I don't wanna know that you think he looks miserable without me, or however the hell you were about to put it. Did he tell you that? Did he even tell you what happened between us? Or did he just say we had a fight and told you to drop it?"

"He didn't, but I know he is, he really fucking misses you, L," he tried to argue and Lena wanted to believe him. Desperately. But she couldn't.

"Look, dude, I gotta work with what I know. The facts here are he walked out on me and that he hasn't tried to talk to me since then, so anything else is not enough," she shrugged and he gave her a disbelief look.

"So you just got in a screaming match at a party over not enough?"

"Yeah, and he still had nothing to say."

"You know how he can get."

"Oh, I do," she said, rolling her eyes but Michael kept talking.

"And you always forgive him."

"It fucking sucks that I have to," she complained, running a hand through her hair.

"You're not exactly perfect either, L," he said, raising an eyebrow at her and she frowned at him.

"Never said I was, but this one is on him, it's only on him, it's why he doesn't have the guts to try to fix it."

"What the fuck did he do?" He asked and she groaned.

"I don't wanna talk to you about it, Michael."

"I'm your friend too, Lena," he matched her tone, rolling his eyes at her and she sighed.

"But you would let him get away with anything."

"So would you."

"I can't do it this time, he really hurt me, okay? It wasn't some stupid argument that we both knew wasn't gonna last, he knew the choice he was making and he did it anyway and I'm allowed to be mad at him," she said, looking down, twisting her hands in her lap.

"I'm not saying you're not allowed to be mad, I'm saying you're both miserable without each other, so why are you dragging this out?" He asked and it made her pout.

"Who said I'm miserable?" Lena complained, glancing at him and she probably wasn't helping her point if the way Michael raised an eyebrow at her was any indication.

"Your face."

"That's-"

"We both know you're still in love with him," he said and her eyes widened as her head snapped up and she turned to look at him.

"Who said I'm in love with him?" She tried but Michael scoffed.

"Don't act like I don't know you, you've been in love with him since we were in school, it's painfully obvious."

"I… You knew? Since when?"

"Since he left for that football camp, you were a basketcase while he was gone."

"It wasn't that bad."

"Oh, it was worse, I thought you would tell him back then."

"I did," she said, holding Michael's gaze as his face turned into shock. She could see it in the way his eyes went from wide to narrowing on her face that he was combing through his memories trying to figure out when it could've happened. And she didn't want him to ask, "well, it doesn't matter anymore."

"Now you're just being stubborn."

"So?"

"Talk to him, do something other than sitting around since you’re both miserable and this can’t keep going-"

"Mike!” she screeched, interrupting him, "He dumped me, he doesn't love me and I can't make him love me so I can't fix it."

"What do you mean he doesn't love you? Of course he loves you," he was looking at her like she was crazy for even suggesting that and it made her want to disappear into the leather seats.

"His words okay?" Her voice was small and Michael looked so confused by it that she felt on the verge of tears, "so now I'm just the idiot that’s been in love with him since middle school."

"L," Michael's voice was soft now, and he was watching her carefully, eyes scanning her face as she continued to talk.

"Being away from him is killing me, but I can't. I can’t move on from him if he's still around, and I can't fix us so I can't talk to him."

"Why?"

"Because if I'm not mad at him, then I'm breaking and I can't take it anymore." She paused, blinking back tears, "thank you for the ride, Mike, I know I'm not much company right now but I did miss you and I appreciate it."

"Lena."

"I'll see you around," She said, patting his knee before slipping out of the car. She was surprised to hear his door slamming after hers.

"Lena," Michael's voice was insistent and it made her stop on the sidewalk watching as he walked around the car.

"Yeah?" She asked, frowning at him as he scanned her face.

"Just come here," he said, pulling her to his chest, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and she wrapped her arms around his waist on instinct. She missed Michael, that wasn't a lie, they may not be as close to each other as they were to Calum, but he was a constant enough presence in her life to add to the emptiness Calum had left behind. But the way she just relaxed against him was disarming, "sorry I haven't checked in," he said to her hair and she huffed out a chuckle, stepping back from him.

"It's fine, I knew he would get you in the divorce."

"You don't have to tell me what he did, but how bad was it?"

"How many times have you seen me trying to get away from him?" She asked because she didn't think she could talk about it without crying. She wasn't sure she wouldn't start crying anyway.

"Point taken."

"Look, I can't talk about it because I can't think about it because I don't want to believe it happened, I thought we were more than we actually were and that's on me but he was just," she stopped, sniffing through the tears that were falling without her permission, "there were kinder ways to do what he did and I can't move past it."

"Sorry I pushed it."

"It's fine, you know how stubborn we both can get, you had no way of knowing this wasn't just us being stubborn."

"For whatever is worth, I do think he regrets it."

"Well, he's the one that needs to do something about it,’ she shrugged and Michael gave her a sad smile, "sorry you got caught in the middle."

"I'm your friend too, you know?"

"Do you feel that way?"

"I don’t know, I'm not known for making good decisions when he's involved. So I freaked out and I picked a fight with him because he was about to leave. And I know it’s just a few days but at the same time I couldn’t deal with the way I need him around and he’s all the way across the world now and I don’t know what to do, because,” she sniffs, looking up to try and stop the tears she can feel forming in her eyes, “what if this is just going to explode in our faces again and I'm dragging it out because of a memory of a feeling?"

"Is it just a memory?"

"What?"

"When you think about it, are you just trying to find the way he made you feel again, or are you just trying to find a way to feel what you feel for him without letting it destroy you?" Andy asks and she blinks at him, taken aback for a second.

"That was deep, we should write that down," she jokes because she doesn't know how to answer.

"I'm serious, I've picked you up from the floor over him for years now and it's alright if you don't want him anymore, but it's also okay for you to want him but only after you're sure you're not setting yourself up for failure."

"What are you saying?"

"That it's okay if you need safety before giving in and that doesn't mean you're using him, it just means you're hurt and want to know what you're falling into."

“But I feel like-”

"Look, I've watched you try to contain the way you feel about him for as long as I've known you, you keep fighting against it or trying to make it something that won't scare him away, and that never worked," he says, tilting his head, and she sighs.

"It's just that, I don't know how to stop and I keep thinking about-"

“Le, the more you overthink this the more you’ll have to overthink and you’re gonna go nowhere.”

“But-”

“You’re not gonna find the answer trapping yourself in your head, you can’t change what happened and you can’t predict what’s going to, you just need to find out if you’re willing to trust he won't hurt you again,” he says and she drops back, throwing her arms across her face.

“But what if I can’t trust myself? I don’t want to hurt him either and right now I don’t think I can help it and his face when he walked away from me, I-”

“Lena," he says, and she feels the mattress dip when he sits beside her, moving her arms from her face so she would have to look at him, "if whatever you said makes him stop trying then you guys are going nowhere anyway.”

"What do I do then?" She asks, throwing her arms over her head and he huffs, poking her side.

“You stop hiding and you call him."

“Call him? I can’t call him,” she squirms away from his hand, looking at him like he's crazy for suggesting that, and he gives her an unimpressed look.

“Knowing you, you won’t be able to do anything until you find out if you pushed him too far. Did you even sleep last night?"

“But I have to, I can’t need him, And.”

“You also can’t change the fact that you already do. You've been fighting it for years, Le." His voice is sympathetic and she feels herself start to tear up as she meets his eyes. “Just call him."

_________

The periodic buzzing is not what makes Calum raise his head. What makes him raise his head is how he can feel Luke's eyes on him every time the damn phone does buzz. So when it happens again he meets Luke's careful gaze with a questioning look.

"That's Lena." It's not a question. But Luke nods anyway. Lena hadn't talked to him since the fight and he was following her lead with it. If she wants space he'll give it to her. It's actually easier than he expected with half a world between them and unaligned timezones. At least that's what he keeps telling himself.

"She wants me to let her know when we're back at the hotel." They only have another interview in their schedule, the one they are currently waiting for, so it shouldn't be long, but why would Lena ask? And what else did she say that got Luke watching him like that?

"Okay, what does this have to do with me?" He asks, raising an eyebrow and Luke frowns at him.

"Did you get into a fight or something?"

"Or something."

"Do you want me not to tell her?" Luke puts his phone down, a silent we can talk about it if you want, but he shakes his head.

"No, it's okay."

"You sure?" He checks, but Calum doesn't get a chance to answer, because they are being called to the studio and he can't keep thinking about it.

Maybe she's ready to try to talk to him. If she's even asking because she wants to know when he can answer. He tries to ignore that line of thought until they’ve been back at the hotel for at least half an hour and there’s no call.

But then his phone lights up with a very familiar picture of Lena and him.

"Hello?"

"Hi," Lena sounds anxious, he can hear it in her breathing and something about it makes him do the math in his head about what time it's for her.

"Lena, where are you?" He can imagine the way she's frowning just by the confused little gasp she lets out.

"Home, where else would I be?"

"Isn't it, like, 3 am for you?"

"Time is fake," she mumbles, and he hears fabric ruffling in the background, so maybe she is in bed. Not that the thought makes him worry less.

"Sure," he frowns and she sighs.

"I couldn't sleep, I needed to apologize."

"Okay."

"Because I am sorry, I… I don't have an excuse, I'm just sorry."

"Lena," he says, more to buy himself time to think of the right thing to say than anything else but the sharp intake of breath he hears makes him regret it.

"You don't have to say anything, it's fine, I just wanted to say it, we can talk when you get back. Or whenever you want. Shit, you know, I shouldn't have called, I'm sorry." Her voice is wobbly and it sounds like she’s about to hang up.

"Lena, wait."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm about to start crying and then you'll feel the need to make me feel better and this becomes about me and that's not why I called."

"Then why did you call?" He asks, and she sniffs, before taking a deep breath as if she’s trying to calm herself down.

"Can I claim temporary insanity? Sleep deprivation? I don't know, okay? I thought talking to you would make me feel better but that's not on your job so I shouldn't-"

"Lena, can you just listen to me for once in your life?"

"Yeah?"

"You seriously think I'm about to let you cry yourself to sleep?"

"I'm not crying," she tells him and he huffs.

"I can hear you crying."

"I'm just tired and It doesn't-"

"Of course it matters."

"Why?"

"Because I fucking care about you. That doesn't stop being true just because we got into a fight."

"I know that, it's just-"

"Do you? Know it? It doesn't seem like you do,"

"Can I be honest?"

"Please," Calum breathes, waiting for a tense second as she doesn't say anything.

"I talk myself out of it."

"Of trusting me?" He asks, frowning and he can hear the fabric ruffling as she probably shakes her head.

"No, of expecting you to be there." That one stings. He knows he can't blame her for it, it's his own fault, but hearing her saying it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Why?"

"Because I can't need you to be there! For fucks sake we get into one fight and I'm losing my mind? I've been feeling like I can't breathe and I can't do this again."

"Do what?"

"Lose you, Calum, I can't lose you again, but I can't keep feeling this way either I can't focus I can't sleep I feel like a bitch then I just lose my fucking mind and can’t feel this way I can’t need you-" Not for the first time since he last saw her, he catches himself wishing he wasn't halfway across the world, but this time is because the way she's talking, fast and without pauses, makes him think she's about to talk herself into a panic he can't talk her out of over the phone.

"Love, love, breathe," he interrupts, and she takes a few sharp breaths before talking again.

"See, I shouldn't have called, you're allowed to be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you."

"Why not? You should."

"Why?"

"Because I was a bitch to you."

"It was a fight, and it wasn't even that bad."

"You sounded mad at me when you answered the phone."

"You apologized, we can talk about it when I get back, but I'm not mad, so you should go to sleep and I'll see you in a few days."

"Unfortunately I wasn't exaggerating when I said I can't sleep, I've been tossing and turning for hours."

"You want me to talk to you until you fall asleep?"

The way Lena was slowly blinking and how her reactions were delayed was just as funny as it was adorable even in the dimly lit room. It made the story Calum was telling seem way more entertaining than it actually was, with the way she was trying to keep up while stifling yawns and rubbing her eyes to get him to keep talking.

"Love?" Calum asked when she dropped her head back against the headboard of his bed and it took a few seconds for her to look at him, "do you want me to drive you back to your dorm?" She should've left already since she had classes the next day, so maybe he should just let her leave this time. She looked like she would fall asleep in the car though. And her car was at his place. The logistics of it all weren't good.

"Not yet, we're talking," she mumbled, shifting her whole body while sitting up.

"No, I'm talking, you're legally drunk," he joked, making her pout.

"'m not," she complained, stretching out like a cat and sighing, "how are you not tired?"

"Jetlag," he shrugged and she blinked at him before nodding, staring at him with one eye closed.

"Well, then we keep talking."

"I keep talking, you keep looking at me like you're seeing a giant pillow.”

"You do make a great pillow," she said, looking at him like she was contemplating the possibility, or maybe just thinking about the times she fell asleep on him, making him laugh. "Have you ever been so tired you just don't know how to sleep?" She asked, running a hand through her hair and dropping her head back.

"No,” he chuckled, shaking his head, “and you're trying to stay awake," he pointed out, bopping her nose and she smiled sheepishly at him.

"Yes, but I don't think I would fall asleep that easily right now." He seriously doubted that. He was actually sure she would be out in seconds if she just stopped moving.

"What time do your classes start tomorrow?" He asked, checking the old alarm clock on the table. Technically he should've said today. It was past 1 am. Maybe he shouldn't keep her awake that long on a weekday.

"Not until the afternoon," she said, sliding down and hugging the pillow under her head.

"You wanna stay over? We can continue this conversation in the morning when I know you'll remember what I'm telling you.”

"Does that mean you won't be mad if I fall asleep?"

"Do you want to sleep?"

"I just told you don't know how," she laughed, settling more heavily against the pillow and rubbing her eye.

"Alright, come here," he said, scooting down and opening his arms and she shuffled around before settling with her head on his shoulder and an arm across his chest.

"I missed you," she mumbled, closing her eyes and he started to absentmindedly run his fingers through her hair.

"Yeah, me too,” he said, leaning his cheek against her head, “now go to sleep."

"I can't fall asleep on command like you do, just keep telling me the story, what happened after Mike said that?"

"So you were listening?"

"Always, now talk," she said, shifting around a bit and he continued to tell the story, running his hand through her hair. It only took a few minutes for her to stop reacting to it and for her breathing to even out. That wasn’t the surprising part. The surprising part was how he fell asleep a few minutes later too.

"You don't have to," Lena says, voice small and he chuckles.

"I'm not asking if I have to, I'm asking if you want me to." There's a pause that's long enough for him to question if it was the right thing to say, before she sighs.

"Yeah."

"Are you comfortable?"

"As comfortable as I can get," she says after some shuffling and he settles in bed too.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know, just tell me about the trip." So he does. With as many details as he can. About the place. The people. The joke Luke told in the van that morning. The restaurant they had lunch in. It makes him think about when he first moved and the rare occasions when their schedule managed to align enough for him to call and Lena would make him tell her everything about everywhere he had been. He talks while listening as Lena shifts around in her bed or lets out little reactions to what he's saying like huffed-out laughs or curious mumbling about what happened next until the shuffling stops and her breathing evens out. He stays on the line for a few more minutes, making sure she's really asleep then a few more because now he doesn't want to hang up. He considers how he could say anything to her right now. He could tell her he misses her. Make some promise about not hurting her again that she wouldn't believe in and he's not sure he can keep. Or a promise about always trying anyway that he really hopes he can. He doesn't say anything though. He just listens to her steady breathing until he can't justify staying on the line anymore.

_______

I don’t have a taglist but hit me up if you want to be tagged.

#wjdbieo #calum hood fanfic #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #calum hood fic #i still dont know how to tags fics yay lslskslsmslslsoks

19 notes · View notes

chenyann · 2 years ago

Text

Sleeping With The First Years<3

Ace trappola,Deuce spade,Jack howl,Epel felmier and Sebek zigvolt

hello everyone ^^ so I'm trying something new and I swear I'm working on the epel fic;; but enjoy this while yall wait~yako♡ Tw:sebek slander fluff/crack

Ace

Happy- that's it he is just super happy!

plops on the bed and lays down on the side he knows you sleep on, oh you sleep on the right side of the bed?

TOO BAD THAT'S ACES SIDE NOW

A cuddler

Like he will latch on you like it's the end of the world.

hope you don't need pee y/n

he looks like he has been knocked

OMG Is he breathing?!

yes

you don't need to call the police he's fine that's just how he sleeps

If you do somehow wake him up he will let you do what you need too

won't stop complaining that you're taking too long😒

holds your hand when you come back and cuddles you when you’re sleeping💜

WILL TAKE IT TO HIS GRAVE THAT HE DIDN'T ENJOY IT

SAYS THAT YOU WERE THE ONE THAT WANTED TO CUDDLE

"I would never cuddle you gross you probably got cooties"

"I don't"

"and plus you seemed cold so I just wrapped my Arms around you"

"It was hot last night?"

he got quite real quick

that was the conversation yall had the next morning

Deuce

call the ambulance/or room service

going through the 5 stages of grief in 10 seconds

the only woman he slept with was his mom when he was a kid

you're just knocked out since being ramshackle prefect is hard

hesitantly. VERY hesitantly climbs in bed with you

doesn't want to wake you up for the life of him

You know that careful SpongeBob meme that's him.

poor boy is so stiff 🤧

would try to get out of bed to sleep on the floor.

woke you up in the process

apologizes, maybe even start getting upset

Comfort him y/nnie right now

you would tell him to go to sleep or at least try to sleep while you're in the bathroom

you're just playing on your phone waiting for him to sleep

"Carter deuce won't sleep how do you make him sleep"

"idk lol"

"ok"

he's asleep when you come back

you are a cuddler now I don't make the rules

very light sleeper

he will feel you cuddling him but will try to go back to sleep.

when he wakes up he thinks you look pretty

wakes you up gently

100% tells his mom about it

Jack

he doesn't mind

his tail is swaying pretty fast tho??🤨🤨

asks you if you want him to sleep on the floor

tail speeds up when you say no

you sit on the bed to watch TV and he comes out of the bathroom with silk pajamas?

your sleepy so you're sleeping first

turns off the TV for you

he's the type to read before bed ill die on this hill

he's reading his book when you just rested your head on his man boobs chest.

On the outside he's like (・・ ) ?

but it's a lie he is throwing a party in his head

Puts his book down and turns off the side lamp

puts his arms around you💜💜💜

it's like a free heater

his tail rests on your side as he cuddles you

You're smug cause your a lil faker you ain't really asleep huh

You rn:<(￣︶￣)>

you thought you ate huh? Well you did. Left no crumbs🥲

would wake up before you and when you ask if he cuddled you he would be like

"uhhh no????"

but he did enjoy that little moment when you used his chest as a pillow.

Source:trust me bro

Epel

Kicking crying screaming/j

he would be a bit upset since he would hope he would be a bit more buff so if you cuddle together you can feel safe💙

eyebrows immediately go straight down. But stops because he knows vil or Rook is about to lecture how he would get wrinkles

wears silk pajamas but hates it (vil made him wear it)

but if you like them he loves them

orders pizza and watches TV with you *it's a horror movie*

yall went to sleep at like 2am cause yall were scared lol

tries to say something romantic but fails terribly

Naw it probably was like

"epel I'm scared to sleep with if I lose my toes😭"

"Its okay mah wittle cotton swab I'll protect ya"

"Room service "

"AHHHHHHH!!!!"

He screamed like a dying bird, the poor room service was so upset you had to reassure the woman that you watched a horror movie and that she did nothing wrong.

he latched to you like a leech when he fell asleep

his hands are so cold like??? Did you just come back from Antarctica? Why tf are you so cold

you tried to wiggle out his grasp but it was hard cause he was strong in his sleep.

you eventually fell asleep and cuddled him back

He wasn't even asleep he was faking it like you did with Jack

texts Jack about it

tries to act tough in the morning

failed again lol

"Huh why am I so cold?"

……

"WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN PREFECT!?"

…..

"You felt safe?...lol as you should"

"Wait no I'm sorry y/n"

Sebek

why? Why would you do this to yourself?

You know what's gonna happen,Yet you still gonna do it?

you're getting your license revoked and blocked/j

he's mad HOW DARE THEY TELL ME TO SLEEP WITH THIS LOWLY HUMAN

he tries to sleep on the floor but you were like no 👹

talks about how his waka Sama is so peaceful at night and how you can't compare.

He snores loud af😒

how does he know how tf mallues is at night does he watch him sleep???😭

Wears old man pajamas

after changing he lays on the bed

he is like a plank😭😭 his whole body is straight like doesn't that hurt???

You fall asleep and cuddle him

is about to wake you up but he see your quote on quote cute-ish face so calmly sleeping

blushes he thinks your kinda ugly but one..….ONE percent cute

take that as a compliment

low-key when you saw him sleeping the next morning with one arm around your waist you lost your bet with Ace

The Bet was that if he sleeped or not

pay your money y/nnie or else you about to be in debt 💜

denies that he ever had his arm around your waist

YOU THINK ONE OF LORD MALLUES GUARDS WOULD SLEEP WITH A PATHETIC HUMAN EVEN CUDDLE IT?!

"ya"

715 notes · View notes

specialagentsergio · 3 years ago

Text

rationalizations

rationalizations: a defense mechanism in which one makes up a false but reassuring explanation to explain their behavior and/or feelings to both themselves and others, thus avoiding the reality of why they are really acting or feeling as they do.

summary: You’re the psych evaluation for Spencer. You think he’s full of shit, so you refuse to sign his clearance form until he actually tells the truth.

pairing: spencer reid x f!reader

category: angst (happy ending)

content warnings: spencer’s canonical trauma, flashbacks, mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation, swearing

a/n: i wrote this for @imagining-in-the-margins‘ enemies to lovers event. it’s not my favorite trope, but one of the prompts sparked inspiration for me. i also took a good amount of inspiration from meredith’s various therapy scenes in grey’s anatomy, so if some of it feels familiar, that’s why! i swear i intended to make this cute and funny, but, well… here we are lmao.

word count: 3.6k

masterlist

Spencer throws his bag onto his desk with a frustrated huff. It thumps loudly, startling JJ at her desk across from his. She gives him a sympathetic look regardless. “Still not cleared yet?”

“No!” Forgetting that it’s wheeled, he drops himself into his chair. It skids backwards and he has to scramble to grab something to keep from falling out of it.

“Careful there,” JJ says, trying valiantly to suppress a laugh. “That psychologist's got you really worked up, huh?”

“I don’t know what she wants from me!” he complains. “It’s been nearly a month! Hotch’s ex-wife was murdered by an unsub, but they cleared him. I was only shot in the neck.”

“I mean, that’s still kind of a big deal,” she says. “You could’ve died, from the gunshot, or from the nurse that tried to kill you afterwards.”

“Speaking of that nurse,” he starts, “Garcia is the one who shot him and she’s been a wreck over it. She insisted on going to the guy’s execution. But the therapist cleared her!”

“Penelope’s not in the field,” JJ points out.

He crosses his arms. “Still. This isn’t the first time I’ve been shot. That possibility is part of the job. It’s not like it came out of nowhere and I was completely unprepared for it.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Spence,” she says. “Just keep all of your appointments and I’m sure you’ll be cleared soon.”

He pulls a stack of papers on his desk towards him. Paperwork—one of the things he’s actually allowed to do. “I better be,” he mutters.

---

“And it was really scary, you know?” Spencer wipes at his eyes with a tissue. “Not knowing if I was going to live or die.”

“Mm-hmm.”

He takes a deep breath. “But… it’s over now. The preacher who shot me died in the same shootout. Owen McGregor, the leader of the corrupt deputies, died later that night, in another shootout. And Greg Baylor, the one who posed as a nurse and tried to kill me, was sentenced to death row and he’s gone now, too.”

His psychologist makes a note on the paper in front of her, but doesn’t say anything, so he continues.

“I… I feel better now, just letting that out.” He takes a new tissue and dries his nose. “I feel ready now. Ready to go back to work.”

She nods slowly, considering him. But she doesn’t even look towards her desk where the clearance form sits, frustrating him to no end. After five minutes of silence, he breaks.

“You can’t be serious.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I’ve been coming to these sessions for over a month, and I’m still not cleared to be in the field. I…” He musters up more tears and makes sure his voice wavers during his next words. “I just don’t know what you want? I’ve tried everything.”

“No, you haven’t,” she says plainly.

He blinks in surprise, sending some of the crocodile tears down his cheeks. “What?”

She crosses her legs. “You’re full of shit.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re not being honest with me, and I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself either,” she says. “You’re a great actor. I can see how you’ve gotten clearances easily before. But that stops with me.”

Spencer stares at her. “I don’t understand.”

She moves her notebook to the side. “What happened in Texas isn’t the first time your life’s been in danger. Why do you think that is?”

“Wh—that’s part of my job,” he argues, fake crying long since forgotten.

“Not to the extent that you take it. I’ve read your file,” she says. “You take unnecessary risks with regularity.”

The tissues crumple in his hand as he clenches it. “I do not.”

“Let’s go back to the beginning.”

“The beginning of what?”

“Of your career.” Yet she doesn’t take out his file, or look at her notes. She speaks from memory. “2005. The BAU is assisting with a hostage situation. You go into the train, posing as someone who is there to remove a microchip from the unsub, but the first thing you do? You take off your bulletproof vest.”

“Okay, clearly you don’t understand what the situation was,” Spencer cuts in. “Ted Bryar was suffering from a psychotic break. He was somewhat unpredictable, and he told me to take off the vest.”

“And you just listened?”

“He—he had a gun, and was threatening both me and the other passengers with it!” he says. “What was I supposed to do, not listen?”

“Uh, yeah,” she replies. “You easily played into his delusions just a few minutes later to distract him. Why not do that to keep yourself safe?”

“I was twenty-four and was running on adrenaline,” he says defensively. “And it was my first time doing something like that. You can’t expect me to think of everything.”

“You’re right, I can’t,” she agrees. “So let’s jump forward a few years. How about the time you approached a teenager who was wielding an assault rifle with no protection, not even your own firearm?” she challenges.

“You mean Owen Savage? That was a unique situation,” he protests. “I knew I could talk him down.”

“No, you didn’t. You thought you had a good chance, but there’s no way to be one hundred percent sure of that. He was volatile, and on a killing spree,” she counters. “You didn’t know if you’d succeed--”

“I did!” He startles himself by unconsciously raising his voice, but he doesn’t apologize. “I did, because….”

“Because you related to him,” she fills in. “And that’s fine. Having empathy for an unsub doesn’t suggest something’s wrong in and of itself. But you still put yourself, and the rest of your team, in danger, didn’t you?”

He crosses his arms. “I got that lecture from Hotch when it happened, okay?”

“So then why’d you confront an unsub alone a few years later in Miami?” she asks. “You didn’t even tell anyone where you were going. You left your vest behind and just ran off.”

“I was having a head—wait, how do you even know that happened?” he questions. “It wasn’t in the report.”

“Well, first of all, you just confirmed it,” she points out, and he wants to kick himself. “Secondly, I can read between the lines.”

“I was having a headache,” he repeats. “I wasn’t thinking all that clearly. I just knew Julio’s life was in immediate danger, so I went to help him.”

“Uh-huh. More recently,” she says, brushing past his excuse, “You confronted your girlfriend’s stalker without your vest or gun.”

Spencer’s getting angry now. “I was trying to save Maeve. She asked me to leave them behind.”

“And you simply listened. Do you see the pattern I’m drawing here, Dr. Reid?” she asks. “These are just a few of the instances that stand out. Time and time again, you put yourself in unnecessary danger. So I’ll ask you again. Why do you think that is?”

Spencer looks over her—really looks over her, trying to understand what she’s getting at. “Are… are you suggesting that I’m suicidal?” he asks quietly.

She looks him straight in the eye. “You don’t act like someone who wants to be alive.”

It’s like she set off a bomb in his brain. Memories, and the feelings attached to them, emerge—Elle handcuffed to a seat, a teenager with a rifle, a blinding headache, Maeve and blood on the warehouse floor.

“Here’s what I see,” she says. “I see a man who’s been through so, so much. Your mother is mentally ill, your father left--”

His father is packing a suitcase. Spencer doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do or say, so he falls back on what he knows.

“Statistically, children who grow up in two-parent households attain three more years of higher education than children from single-parent households.”

It doesn’t help. “We’re not statistics, Spencer.”

“Your file says she’s staying at an institution, and with your father out of the picture, I can only assume you were the one who had her admitted--”

“Spencer, please don’t do this to me!” she cries as she’s escorted out of the house by Bennington Sanitarium’s transport staff.

“A few years into your work here at the FBI, you were kidnapped, tortured and drugged--”

He’s tired and cold and his whole body aches. Tobias—the real Tobias—looms over him with a syringe.

“Please. I don’t want it,” he pleads of his captor. “I don’t want it, please.”

The needle punctures his skin regardless.

“—you were held hostage by a cult leader--”

Emily sits across from him on the plane with a black eye. “What Cyrus did to me is not your fault.”

He pretends to agree.

“—you went through the death and reappearance of Agent Prentiss--”

He’s tried to make it clear to Jennifer that he wants to be left alone, but she won’t stop trying to talk about it with him, and he’s had enough.

“I came to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend, and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.”

“—and your girlfriend was shot in front of you.”

“Who’s Thomas Merton? Who is he?” Diane demands, gun pressed against Maeve’s head.

“He’s the one thing you can never take from us,” Maeve replies, and Spencer’s heart drops. Thomas Merton is Maeve’s way of saying goodbye—she’s giving up.

“Wait!” he cries out, but it’s too late.

“This is just some of the more traumatic stuff. And then there’s what happened last month, which is why you’re here. You present a face of not being bothered by all of this, because that’s what you’ve been doing all your life, but I think you are bothered. You really, really are. And you don’t want to admit to anyone just how much it all has affected you. Maybe you don’t even want yourself to know.” Her expression and tone of voice are certain.

Spencer can’t take it anymore. The whirlwind of emotions and memories is overwhelming.

“The number of times you’ve almost died is staggering--”

“Yeah, and sometimes I wish I had!” He glares at her, breathing heavily. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

But she doesn’t seem intimidated or alarmed at all. She leans back in her armchair. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

The response only serves to make him angrier. She questioned him relentlessly and made him admit something he swore in the dark hours of sleepless nights that he’d never think again, never voice, let alone admit to anyone. She forced it out of him, forced. She made him say it against his will.

So why does he feel a sense of relief?

“I…” Tears well up in his eyes—real ones this time. “I’m done,” he chokes out.

He pushes himself off of the couch and out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

---

He storms in Hotch’s office and demands to see a different psychologist. But she was one step ahead of him—a few hours before the appointment, she had emailed Hotch and told him that under no circumstances should Spencer be allowed to get a clearance from someone else.

“And you’re going to believe her?” he cries.

“She’s doing her job, Reid.”

“You barely know her! You’ve known me for a decade!”

“Yes, I have,” Hotch agrees. “And you’ve told me yourself that you’ve fooled psychologists and therapists before. So if this one is saying you’re not ready yet, I’m inclined to believe her.”

Spencer just stares at him, but as usual, Hotch doesn’t blink.

“Unbelievable,” Spencer eventually mutters.

“Take the rest of the day off,” Hotch replies, glancing down at fists Spencer hadn’t realized he was clenching.

“Fine.”

Too agitated to stand in the elevator, he takes the stairs. As he stomps down them, he swears he’ll never go back to her office, even if it means never going into the field again.

A week passes, then two, and he hasn’t seen the psychologist since. But he doesn’t feel any better—he actually feels worse. It’s like her words broke a dam in his mind, in his gut, and feelings of unease and uncertainty won’t pass. It keeps him up at night. Her words echo in his head. “You don’t act like someone who wants to be alive.”

Spencer’s had yet another sleepless night and is struggling not to doze off at his desk despite the coffee he’s drinking. He stands up with the intention of splashing some water from the bathroom sink on his face, but his feet take him somewhere else.

He stares at the nameplate on the door. He swore he’d never go back, yet he feels compelled to knock.

It only takes her a few moments to answer. “Dr. Reid. Can I help you?” she asks.

“I…” He sighs. “Are you busy?”

“No. Come on in.” She steps to the side, opening the door wider to let him pass. He sits down on the couch.

She waits patiently. She doesn’t rush him. She lets him speak first.

He wrings his hands in his lap, staring down at them. “Something you said is bothering me.”

“What was it?”

“About… living,” he admits quietly. “I… I think you might have been right.”

When he gets the courage to glance up at her, he finds a soft smile on her face. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Spencer hadn’t realized he was expecting judgment and disdain until it didn’t happen. His shoulders slump down in relief. “Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, I think I would.”

---

“You’re still thinking about her, aren’t you?”

Spencer looks up from his paperwork, slightly out of it, to find Derek watching him. His coworker had, indeed, caught him thinking about her again. His psychologist. Well, former psychologist. After his second session back with her, she’d handed over a clearance form and a referral to a therapist outside the bureau to see long-term.

“And you better follow up with that,” she’d told him, the corner of her mouth turning up despite her serious tone of voice. “I’ll know if you don’t.”

He’d promised that he would, and had followed through. But despite the progress he was making with the new therapist, he was feeling a little disappointed that he didn’t get to see her anymore. He only saw her in passing, sometimes in the elevator or walking down the hallways of the building. They would exchange hellos, she would ask how he was doing, then give him a little wave as she left. Each time his heart would skip a beat, and he’d feel an urge to follow her to wherever she was going.

Yet he hadn’t quite realized why he seemed to be preoccupied with her until a dream he had a few weeks ago—a dream in which he found himself kissing her. Despite being alone in his bedroom, he’d woken up feeling embarrassed. He promised himself that he would put her out of his mind. Having a crush on his psychologist? It was ridiculous.

But then he saw her in the elevator a few days later and he couldn’t help but analyze her body language. It was open, and she twirled her hair around a finger while she looked at him to ask him how he was. A few other people entered the elevator on the next floor, but her attention remained on him. They were subtle signs, but signs that he recognized nonetheless—signs of attraction. And once he started seeing them, he couldn’t stop.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Spencer tells Derek, picking back up the pen he hadn’t noticed he dropped.

“You can’t pull that on me, kid,” he replies. “It’s your psychologist. You can’t stop thinking about her, can you?”

Spencer sighs. “So what if I can’t?”

“So go ask her out already!” Derek says like it’s obvious.

“You don’t think that’s just a little inappropriate?”

“You’re not seeing her as a client anymore, are you?” he points out. “Go for it, kid. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Spencer takes the advice—as soon as Derek said it, he knew he was right. He would regret not taking a chance on her and the connection he felt. Sure, she’d helped him with therapy, but it went deeper than that. It feels like she knows him.

He leaves the bullpen ten minutes early that evening, hoping to catch her before she leaves for the day. On her doorstep, he feels just as nervous as he did on the day he admitted that she was right, but it’s a different kind of nervous. An excited nervous. He knocks on the door.

She’s surprised when she seems him. He watches as her pupils dilate, and it boosts his confidence. “Dr. Reid. Can I help you?”

“You can. I’d like to talk,” he says.

“Oh. Well, I guess I could do that,” she says. “I thought things were going well with the therapist I referred you to, though.”

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t mean I want an appointment.”

Her eyebrows come together in confusion. “Okay, then, what do you want?”

Spencer doesn’t hesitate. “I want to take you out to dinner.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I really like you, and I think we’re meant to be together,” he replies, voice softening a bit.

She pauses before answering. When she does, her voice is gentle. “Dr. Reid, sometimes a medical professional’s care can start to feel like affection over a period of time, but--”

“No one has ever listened to me like you do,” he interrupts.

“That’s my job,” she points out.

“I’ve seen therapists before, but none of them have been like you,” he counters. “You understand me.”

She sighs. “Well, I’m glad I was a good fit and was able to help you. But that doesn’t mean that I see you as anything more than a client.”

“You’re lying.”

“Excuse me?”

“You do feel something more for me,” he says firmly, but then backtracks a little. “Well, I know you’re attracted to me at least.”

She blinks and shakes her head slightly, take aback. “Dr. Reid, this is not appropriate--”

“Please call me Spencer,” he says, then jumps into his explanation. “See, when we’re attracted to someone, our bodies display involuntary signals, and I’ve seen you do some of them when you’re around me. Whenever we run into each other here, your body will turn a little towards me and you’ll play with your hair. Your attention is almost entirely focused on me. And, when you see me, your pupils dilate. They did it when you opened the door just a few minutes ago. Oh, and I’m attracted to you, by the way,” he adds as he realizes how one-sided he’s been. “I imagine my pupils probably dilate when I see you, too.”

Her mouth opens and closes a few times, like she wants to speak but doesn’t know what to say. She looks flustered, and he wonders if maybe he’s pushed it too far or said too much, but he can’t turn back now. “So, please, let me take you out,” he says quietly. “Just… just give it a chance.”

She bites her lip and looks at the ground. There’s a crease between her eyebrows, which he’s come to learn means she’s thinking. She speaks seriously when she looks back up. “If I go out with you, I can’t treat you anymore. If you ever need another evaluation or session, you’d have to get it from someone else.”

“I know,” he says. “I get along well with the therapist you referred me to, though. And having to get clearance from a different psychologist at the bureau is something I’m willing to give up in favor of getting to know you better.”

She considers him. “You’re serious about this,” she states.

It’s not a question, but he answers it anyways. “I am.”

She tilts her head to the side, eyes unfocusing as she ponders the situation. Eventually, she says, “Let me think about it.”

It’s not exactly the answer he was hoping for, but he’ll take it.

---

It’s only six PM, but Spencer is already exhausted. He unlocks his apartment door, fully intending to collapse onto his bed, but instead receives a pleasant surprise in the form of his girlfriend waiting for him on the couch. He can’t help but smile.

“Sweetie, what are you doing here?” he asks, then adds, “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Penelope told me it was a bit of a rough case,” she replies. “And I missed you.”

She holds out her arms and he takes the invitation, joining her on the couch and laying down between her legs, placing his head on her chest. “I missed you, too.”

Her next words are overly familiar. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Hey, we agreed to no therapy,” he says. “Something about I can’t be your client anymore?”

She huffs. “This isn’t therapy. This is being a good partner.”

Spencer smiles into the fabric of her shirt, snuggling in closer. “I know, I’m just teasing you. I don’t need to talk about the case,” he says, finally answering her original question. “I feel fine now that I’m here with you.”

She lets out a pleased hum and starts running her fingers through his hair. “I ordered take-out for dinner, by the way.”

“Where from?”

“You know where.”

A wide grin spreads across his face. She must have ordered take-out from the restaurant he took her to on their first date. He lifts his head to look her in the eye. “Aren’t you glad you said yes to me all those months ago?”

“Oh, I suppose,” she says with pretend annoyance, rolling her eyes.

Then she kisses him.

Spencer’s never been so happy to be alive.

---------------

tell me what you thought here!

please note that i DO NOT ENDORSE asking out your therapist/former therapist. this is fanfiction. thank you.

general taglist: @calm-and-doctor , @spencerreid9

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid angst #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds self insert #spencer reid #angst #my fic #i just cannot stop myself from writing about mental health issues and treatment can i

415 notes · View notes