#okay i AM getting to replies now i promise but i wasnt gonna let myself just keep on going in life without having | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hotpinkrathian · 4 years ago

Text

20 Years Ago Pt 1

(Kyalin)

Kya stood back with a grin. She did it. Despite her mother's doubts she had successfully pulled off the perfect highschool reunion. People were chatting, dancing and congratulating her.

"Well Kya, you did it." Her bother said, standing beside her with a glass of punch.

"Don't drink that," she said, "it's spiked."

"How do you even know that?" He asked looking into the cup.

"Waterbenders intuition." She lied. Truthfully, she had been the one to spike it.

"Look," Tenzin said, gesturing to the door."

"Hmmm?" She turned her head, her brows furrowing. Lin Beifong.

"What is she doing here?" Kya asked, she knew for a fact she didn't invite her.

"I asked her to come," Tenzin explained, "she doesn't get out a lot and well, I thought it'd be nice for you two to see each other." Kya rolled her eyes. She had no business with Lin, and the idea her brother thought otherwise was stupid.

"I have nothing to say to her." Kya stated, taking his cup and downing it.

"It seems like you do." Tenzin replied, letting his sister walk away.

Kya huffed, sitting down at her table, two cups of punch in her hands, both of which were for her. It seemed everyone here was having a good time, except her. She couldn't help it, Lin's prescence set her off.

"How am I supposed to enjoy myself when she's lurking around?" She spoke to herself, taking a drink from the left cup.

"Still talking to yourself, I see." Lin said, sitting next to her.

"Still condescending, I see." Kya mocked, finishing one of her drinks. Lin reached a hand over, grabbing the other one.

"Thats mine." Kya said. Lin raised an eyebrow, keeping eye contact with the older woman.

"Then take it." Kya looked at her quizzically, Lin had a sadistic grin on her face, like she was enjoying Kya's anger.

"No." Kya replied, "you have it. On me." Lin smirked, placing her lips to the cup and downing the whole thing her face unraveling in a look of disgust.

"Thats so sweet." The metalbender groaned.

"Some people like sweet things." Kya retorted. Lin sighed, glancing to the stage.

"You know, we're kind of old to be doing this." Lin said.

"I think I know how long to hold a grudge." Kya replied, refusing to look her in the eyes.

"Raava, Kya do you even remember what you hate me for?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

"Then enlighten me."

"It was my senior year, you promised to come with me to prom, we had it planned and everything. Then someone started dating my brother and ditched me to give a blow job behind the bleachers. I had no other friends Lin, everyone hated me for... well, you know, and you just... you left me alone. To be ridiculed by my entire grade. I had to leave out the back door because by the end of the night I was covered in punch and didn't want to be seen by the cameras."

"Okay, wow. First of all, it wasn't a blow job." Lin started, "second of all, I didn't mean to leave you. I just didn't know how long it would take."

"Oh my God, Lin, do you not hear yourself?" Kya asked, "you left me alone on my night to fuck my brother. Dick move, by the way."

"I wasnt fucking your brother!"

"Right so he let everyone believe that you and him fucked for the rest of the year?"

"Yes!"

"Really? You think I'm that stupid?"

"Kya, ask Tenzin. We didn't do anything that night, I didn't have the guts too. I never intended for he and I to do anything but he got ahead of himself and told all his friends so I told him not to worry about it." Kya looked away in disbelief.

"If that was true, why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried, you were so upset and 'banned me from the island. I asked that idiot arrowhead to talk to you but I guess he never did." Kya stared at her, unsure of what to make of this. Lin had lied before, but she seemed so sincere... stop. Remember how you felt.

"I'm not listening to this. I have a speech to give." Lin slammed a fist on the table and let Kya go. The watsrbender made her way to the stage, motioning for the crows to gather.

"I just want to say how happy I am everyone could make it today." She began, "it's been a long time since we've seen each other and I have to say I'm absolutely thrilled with the people you have all become."

"I'd like to say something!" Kya looked down at the speaker, he had a hat on, a jersey for some pro bending team and awfully greasy shorts. Roy Cavanaugh. The idiot who had splattered her with punch on prom night.

"Well I'm not really-"

"Roy! Roy! Roy!" The crowd chanted.

"Fine," Kya caved, "come here." He climbed onto the stage, taking the mic from her and holding it a little to close to his mouth.

"Can I just say," he started, "had I known you were gonna look like that when you were older I would've been nicer to you." Kya pursed her lips.

"Thats enough-"

"With that being said, are you still a dyke? Because I'd like to show you my-" Kya took the mic from him, staring at him angrily. Laughter mixed with awkward silence. She stared into the crowd, their familiar beady eyes focusing on her. Passing their judgment and she realized then and there she didn't want this reunion to see people, she wanted closure.

"Roy," she said, "you're an idiot. You always will be. Maru," she directed to his wife, "he cheated on you. Multiple times with Christine. Blonde hair, two girls down. Yeah that one." Roy looked at her, his eyes begging her to stop.

"Also," she said, "we all know it was you who shit on the floor during gym class. Everyone did. Just some of us were decent enough human beings to spare you that guilt. Now get out of my party." He jumped off the stage, his friends no longer sticking beside him, his wife ignoring his call.

"Oh to answer your question," Kya called before he left, "I am still a dyke. And that's not going to change for any of you." She smiled, satisfied with herself. She caught a glimpse of Lin who had a look on her face that resembled a smile. She dropped the mic, marching down the stage steps with gusto when she fell backward and collided with the steps.

"Kya. Kya. Kya, wake up." Kya's eyes batted open, pushing past the pulsing sensation in her head.

"Where am I?"

"The school gym."

"Why?"

"You slipped. Hit your head pretty bad." Lin said, pushing her down when she tried to sit up.

"Wheres Tenzin?"

"Jinora got sick, he went home. He sat here with you though, for an hour."

"How long was I out?"

"Three hours."

"Three hours?!" Kya tried to sit up, but her head refused her.

"Stop moving so much, just lay on this." Lin took off her coat, bundling it up and placing it under her head.

"Where is everyone" Kya asked.

"They went home. After your speech and... trip, I guess they decided they didn't deserve to be here." Kya snorted, taking the water Lin offered her and holding the freezing ice to her head.

"That works too," Lin said, moving beside her.

"Why did you stay?" Kya asked, moving her eyes to Lin.

"I am a police officer, it wouldn't look good if I left an injured person here."

"Oh." Kya said, trying not to sound disappointed.

"But also... I wasn't done talking earlier."

"You? Lin Beifong had more to say. I'll be damned." Lin laughed slightly before taking a deep inhale.

"I'm sorry, for everything." She said, "what I did to you that night, it wasnt fair." Kya smiled reaching her free hand to Lin's and holding her leg.

"Can I be completely honest with you?" Kya inquired.

"Of course."

"I think I over reacted, just a bit."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, now shush. I... I had feelings for you, back then." Kya admitted. She felt herself blush, and immediately regretted everything she had said.

"Kya, I know you won't forget that night and the trauma it caused you, but you shouldn't know I never meant to hurt you. I didn't go because I was scared. I made these other plans because I didn't want people to see me with you and-"

"You were embarrassed of me?"

"What? No, God no... Kya I didn't want people to see me with you and talk because I knew that if we danced, or shared a drink, I'd have to confront the part of myself that liked you, too. And if that was true then what other rumors were?" Kya looked at Lin in disbelief. All this time, all this hatred she had kept for Lin when the true enemy was fear. She pushed herself up, leaning against the wall and putting the ice next to her.

"Lin," she spoke softly," I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to feel that way. If I pressured you or-" before she could finish, Lin's lips met hers. She was taken aback by how soft Lin's lips her. The Beifong kissed with so much emphasis and emotion Kya had to pull away for a moment.

"Lin..." she whispered, "you have no idea how many times I thought of this moment."

"I think I do," Lin replied, "I thought of it everyday for the last 20 years." Kya grinned, pressing her forhead against Lin's before wincing in pain.

"You're in pain." Lin said, pulling away.

"No I'm fine just a little headache." She winced again and Lin moved to her knees, standing up and offering her hand.

"Come on." Lin said.

"This unnecessary really Lin-"

"You can't stand, can you?" Kya shook her head. Lin side, bending down and reaching one hand under her shoulders and the other under her hips. She pushed, taking Kya in her arms with a grunt. Kya blushed when Lin met her gaze, doing her best to keep her head up.

"Are you going to carry me all the way back to the island?" Kya asked.

"Maybe. I was going to put you in the back seat of my satomobile."

"That works." Kya replied. Lin carried the Waterbender out of the highschool gym, Kya stifled a chuckle at the disaster her party had turned into. At least she'd missed most of it.

Kya had fallen asleep on the drive over to the docks, waking up briefly to get on the ferry before passing out again on the railing. Lin must've carried her all the way to the temple because when she finally came too, she was on the couch in her childhood home.

"Well, she might not remember that part." Kya blinked her eyes open, seeing her mother and Lin sharing tea over the coffee table.

"Good morning." Katara said, getting up and putting a hand to her daughters head.

"What time is it?"

"Six."

"In the morning?" Kya exclaimed. As if on cue Lin opened the blinds, revealing the sun as it peaked over the horizon.

"Lin caught me up, dear," Katara said, "you had a minor concussion, nothing I couldn't fix. But please take it easy okay?"

"Yeah, thanks, Mom." Kya pushed herself up, accepting the cup of tea Lin handed her.

"So, how big of a fool did I make of myself?" Kya asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Eh, I've seen worse. If they didn't remember you before, they do now." Kya sighed, taking a sip of the tea.

"Well it is what it is." She whispered. They sat in silence for a moment before Lin stood up.

"Where are you going?" Kya asked, motioning to follow her.

"Relax," Lin said, pushing her back onto the sofa, "I'm just going to bathroom."

"Oh."

"Was the whole night not enough time to catch up?" Lin asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well no, I was passed out for most of it." Lin chuckled slightly and Kya blushed again.

"Then I'll be right back."

"Okay." Kya watched her go with a longing look in her eye. She looked back to her mother who shook her head with a dumb grin.

"Oh stop." Kya scolded.

"I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to."

"She stayed awake the whole night you know." Katara said.

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Whatever you say, dear." Kya pursed her lips, looking back in the direction Lin had disappeared to.

Well shit.

#legend of korra #lin beifong #kyalin #avatar the last airbender #suyin #kya ii #kyalin ff #enemies to lovers #soft at the end

84 notes · View notes

carolbivers · 5 years ago

Text

"I'm so fucking happy you're okay meuf!!" Jo says as she arrives with Max and Sekou at the hippodrome. She jumps up and hugs Lola, clinging on to her for way to long. For the past hour it was just lola, Elliot and the gang there, preparing everything for the movie showing, but now other people had started to show up, including the girl gang, some of elliot's college friends (Elliot actually had friends! Lola never doubted it. How could he not?) and, of course, lamif.

Lola was very happy to see the three of them and she couldn't stop smiling. After Jo finally let go she spotted Elliot and jumped on to him as well, as Max smiled at Lola shyly and gave her a warm hug. "It's so good to see you", he said. "I really hope you're doing better". Lola smiled and they let go and she gave him a smile as it was Sekou's turn for a hug. Jo let go of Elliot and started blabbing about him and his movie and that Friday and how excited she was to work with him, without noticing behind her that Arthur, Basile and Yann were staring at this weird girl that was obviously obsessed with Elliot, while Lucas was standing next to them laughing and exchanging looks with Elliot, who was laughing too.

"What the fuck is happening, man?" Yann asked Lucas and the other too looked at him, waiting for an answer.

"Elliot has a fan!" Lucas said happily. "She's a friend of Lola's. I think they met threw the urbex thing".

"Oh, that's right!" Bas said. "Daphne told me something about that too! So she's a friend of Maya as well?"

"Wait.. Who is Maya? What is the urbex thing?" Asked a very confused Arthur. "Gosh, I feel like I've missed everything because of the fucking bac!"

They laughed. "It's okay man! It's all over now and we get to chill." said Yann and put an arm around Lucas and Arthur that were sitting next to him on each side.

"Exactly! And now, that you're gonna be an amazing and brilliant graphic designer, everything will be amazing and we'll never miss a thing again!" Baz said and hugged Arthur.

Elliot walked towards the gang with Jo still babbling walking behind him and Max, Sekou and Lola, laughing while following them.

"So!" said Elliot, excited. "Max, Sekou, Jo, this is Yann, Arthur, Baz, and Lucas, my boyfriend. Guys, these are the kids that helped me with the filming-"

Elliot wasnt able to finish his sentence as Jo's screaming interrupted him.

"LUCAS!!" she screamed and jumped on him, hugging him very tight. "You have no idea how much I've heard about you!! You're, like, a legend! I was really jealous of you in the beginning, but after Elliott's stories I love you!" she said and continued talking while the rest of them laughed. Baz got up and looked at Sekou and Max, with his weird fake strict look.

" So, mecs! You are friends of Lola, right?" he said, as the other two nodded. "Well, you know who I am, right?" he asked, and they shook their heads. "What??" he said, disappointed. "Well, I'm like, Lola's official older brother. I'm dating her sister, you see. Ah, look there", he pointed, " the beautiful one with the long, blonde hair. So, if you ever mess with Lola.." he looked at them seriously, "I probably can't take you, let's be real, but look at my gang over here, we are ninjas and we'll find you!! Check de gang, mecs!" He said and the gang ignored him. Lola laughed and she though Basil's and Jo would be so much fun as friends. " Thanks, big bro" she said jokingly and Baz looked at her with so much love in his eyes that he immediately needed a hug, even though he waited for Lola to nod a yes. They hugged tightly, and when they let go Basile almost had literal tears in his eyes.

After that, Lola let the gang and la mif mix and walked towards her sister, who was chatting with her friends.

"Salut!" Lola said. "How are you girls?"

"oh, meuf, we were just talking about how Manon and Charles broke up!" Emma said.

"Emma! You can't tell this to everyone! It literally just happened!" Alexia said.

"it's okay, it's okay!" Manon interrupted. "It was a long time coming. Like, a long,long time. I tried to ignore all the shitty things that he said or did, because I was so in love with him. But in the end, it wasn't worth it. The love faded away and his true colours were just more and more obvious. And I completely lost sight of who I am all this time. He literally stands for everything I hate. I thought that I was in the wrong for so long, that I had my standards too high, but I just couldn't do it anymore. So I'm actually really relieved, and really happy". She smiled.

"that's great, Manon." Emma said. "I mean, sad, but great. You should just be happy.

"Yeah! And if he doesn't make you happy, then fuck him! I never liked him anyway", Imane said.

"Anyway, can we talk about you trip to Morocco?' said Manon to Imane. "Are you excited?"

"So excited! I can't wait" Imane said and smiled at Sofianne who was looking at her from a few meters away.

"Can we also talk about Alexia?" Daphne said. "Our brilliant, multi talented girl! Lola, did you know she is taking a gap year, travelling the world, because the girl is too good at too many things to decide right now what she wants to do?"

Alexia smiled and blushed a little. "Oh, stop it!"

"No, girl, that's really cool!" Lola said. "Are you traveling alone?"

"Yeah, mostly. I just really need to see other cultures and places, meet new people, you know? Get inspired. Emma, who is also kinda lost, though in a different way, is gonna come to a couple of places with me, and these other ones are gonna visit some times, and Arthur will probably come to a place or to at some point. He also wants to travel."

"oh, Arthur? Didn't you guys use to date?" Lola asked.

Alexia smiled. "Yes, and it ended in a disaster. Honestly, I'll always love him, you know? Even if it is just as a friend. But who knows? Maybe everyone deserves a second chance. But also, how cool would it be if I got myself an international girlfriend?" The girls laughed and Daphne pulled Lola aside to talk.

"How are you doing today?" she asked Lola.

"Better", she replied. "Taking it slow, you know? I actually cannot wait to meet my new therapist, which is weird for me. But I think I'm ready. Ready to talk. Ready to take all the help I can get."

Daphne smiled. "I'm really proud of you, Lola."

"that's bullshit. You have nothing to be proud. All I have done so far is create problems. With you, with Maya, with Lucas, with Elliot.. I literally run away, like, a few days ago".

"Yeah, but did you see anyone mad at you? Nobody is mad at you, Lola. Sure, you have done some things that weren't great. But youve apologised and we understand. It's okay. We're all here for you. You know I'm not perfect either. But as long as you're staying strong, I'll stay strong."

"You are the strongest person I've ever met".

"I'm not that strong. But having you helps a lot. And I also wanted to tell you something else. I finally went to the therapist."

"That's great! That's amazing! Daphne, I'm so happy for you."

"thanks. It was hard, I'm not going to lie. But I had to. I've been avoiding this for way too long. And just having Basile cook for me is not enough", she said and laughed. Lola looked at her lovingly and she hugged her tight. "I love you", she whispered.

"I love you too, Lola" Daphne whispered back.

That's when Daphne spotted Maya coming through in crowd and let go of Lola. Lola followed Daphne's eyes and she saw Maya. Her heart started beating a little faster and her face was covered in a smile she couldn't hide.

"Go to her", said Daphne.

Lola smiled at her sister and walked towards her girlfriend.

"Salut!" said Maya, smiling.

"Thanks for coming", said Lola, and she wrapped her hands behind Maya's neck, kissing her.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world!" Maya said smiling, after they let go. "Your cinematic debut! You're gonna be a huge star one day!"

Lola laughed and kept looking at her.

"Listen, Maya. I know we didn't get to talk that much the other day because you were working, but I just want you to know that I don't want you to ever be with me because you feel sorry for me or whatever. And also I just want you to know that I know that I've hurt you, and I'm really, really sorry for everything. But I'm trying, and I'm gonna try even harder to be better, to do better. But I'm not always going to be perfect. There's probably gonna be times that I slip up, and that I fuck up, and I'm gonna be shit again and I could hurt you again. It's never my intention to do so, but I don't know if I can always control it. So I want to apologise in advance, and I just want to say that, if you can't stay with me during the bad times, it's totally understandable! But maybe we shouldn't do this at all, then".

Maya looked lovingly at Lola, the girl she had a crush on the fucking day she first met her. She smiled.

"You know, mon amour, I know some things about these stuff. I understand. And even if I don't understand everything, I would love for you to explain things for me, only if you want. And I've fucked up too, I shouldn't have ghosted you, I shouldn't have been with Char and I shouldn't have left that day you broke up with me since you clearly weren't okay. And I'm not with you because I feel sorry for you! I'm with you because I'm in love with you. Fuck, I'm crazy for you. I fell in love with you the second I saw you walking down those stairs that day we met, and I just kept falling more and more ever since. And I promise, I'm not gonna leave you when things go wrong. I swear. No matter how bad they get. Unless you,like, cheat on me or something". She laughed.

Lola laughed too. "You don't have to worry about that. I could never even look at anybody else when I'm with you".

They both smiled at each other.

"So we're good?"asked Maya.

"Yes. We're good" Lola said and Maya hugged her.

Elliot and Lucas where looking at the girls from a distance, smiling. Elliot was feeling so unbelievably proud.

"Did you do this? Did you get them back together?" Lucas asked.

"No! No no no" Elliot answered. "Okay, maybe I helped a little" he continued, smiling happily.

Lucas smiled and stepped on his tiptoes to wrap his arms around Elliots neck and kiss him on the cheek.

"You know, I'm really proud of you", he said.

Elliot blushed. "Oh, come on! What did I do?'

"Are you serious? You wrote a movie, you filmed it, you directed it, you star in it, you have your first ever official showing tonight! As if that's not enought for me to be proud of?"

"Okay, I guess that's true", he answered smiling. Then his smile got smaller. "But I disappointed you last week".

Lucas stopped smiling as well. "I'm not disappointed, my love. You could never disappoint me. I knew from the beginning that things like that could happen. And you didn't do anything that bad! I'm not disappointed in you. I'm not mad at you. I was just, really, really worried. And scared. But it turned out that you were okay, so I'm okay. Do I wish you wouldn't have gotten drunk? Of course. Do I wish you hadn't attack that security guy? Of course. Do I wish you would have called me before everything happened so I would at least have known about it? Also of course. But it happened. I was just mad at Lola, but I'm not anymore. She apologized and she knows she shouldn't have treated you that way. And she was in a really bad place. But she also can't be held responsible for your actions, only for hers. And you are the one that should or should not be mad at her."

Elliot sighed. "Well, I'm still sorry, Lucas. I hate worrying you, especially in the middle of your bac. And it's not all her fault. I was just insecure and she stepped on those insecurities. It just... sucks to be different sometimes, you know? It sucks to feel like people expect me to fuck up, all the time. It sucks to feel like I'm nothing more than my mental illness, you know?"

Lucas took his hand. "You know that I don't see you that way, right? You are not your mental illness to me, Elliot."

"I know, and I'm sorry that I doubted you in that moment. I'm really lucky that I have you in my life" he said and Lucas smiled and kissed him.

"I'm also and yet again really sorry that I didn't tell you about urbex earlier" Elliot mumbled after the kiss.

Lucas laughed. "Okay, I was mad about that. But Im over it know. Just, don't lie to me again, like, ever. Okay?"

"I promise", Elliot replied, and they kissed again.

Everyone was dancing and talking and laughing and Elliot was so happy when he saw Idriss and his friends walk in. They hugged and laughed and chatted. Everyone greeted them and Imane and Lucas found themselves alone together.

"So, is everything well?" Imane asked.

Lucas sighed. "Yes, now, everything is fine. Finally. Chill. No bac, no more angsty best friends losing their hearing and cheating on their girlfriends, no more boyfriend getting drunk with a 16 year old. Hopefully they learned their lesson and will both get better."

Imane smiled. Lucas turned to her.

"What about you, miss future-doctor? Going to fucking Morocco with your habibi, then what? You'll start med school, you'll get married? How is everything going for you?"

Imane laughed. "Well, I can't complain. The bac was very difficult, let's be real. But now I'm really excited", she said, while staring at Sofianne who was chatting with Idriss and Elliot.

Lucas looked at them too. Then he looked at imane. "Who would have thought, right? The gay guy and the Muslim girl, best friends, while dating a non Muslim guy and his best friend".

"We are not best friends!" Imane answered while laughing.

"Fuck that! You are definitely my number one girl best friend" Lucas said.

"Okay, okay. If it's like that, then you're my number one boy best friend too."

They smiled at each other and they heard Elliot yelling "Okay, everyone! Movie is starting! Take a seat!"

Everyone sat in front of the screen. Daphne next to basile, holding hands. Next to them was Sofianne with Imane, then Yann next to his girl best friend, Emma, then Alexia and Arthur, and then Mika and Camille who had also showed up for the film, next to them Noee with her new girlfriend. They were both friends with Arthur and Alexia. Lucas and Elliot where sitting next to the projector, Elliot being extremely nervous but Lucas holding his hand, trying to calm him down. The la mif guys were really excited to see what they had created, but they were also really excited to see Lola and Maya together for the first time. They were teasing them lovingly and they were all grinning. Lola had now rested her head on Maya's shoulder, while Maya was excited to watch her girlfriend in the big screen.

All of the grew were kind of sad and melancholic, thinking about this being one of the last times they'd all be together. But they were all really excited about the future and the new adventures it held for them.

#skam france #i kinda wrote an alternate ending with just more talking #long post #skamfr #skam france spoilers #final clip

114 notes · View notes

bbaronpiper · 4 years ago

Text

Wake up call

Here’s another collab with @artsaree. She’s amazing. you should definitely check out her writings. So basically, we both wrote half of it .

warnings: smut

Aron x Reader

my part

7:30 am. Your eyes shot open at the sound of your alarm you turned it off quickly but you still heard a low groan coming from the other side of the bed. You felt Arón stir a little but refused to open his eyes. You turn to face him and run a finger on his cheek. Savoring the few moments you have with your boyfriend. You slept last night without him. He was out partying with his friends. Again. You didn’t have a problem with it at first because you swore you’ll never be that type of girlfriend who controls and forbid their man on the things they want to do. Until recently, it became a habit of his.

“Morning, Baby” His voice was low and husky.

You smiled at him in return, scooting closer. “Slept well?”

“Si” He said while rubbing his eyes. “Partying after spending whole day on set isn’t easy”

You bit the insides of your cheek to stop you from spitting the words. Arón must have noticed this since he then turned to lie on his back and exhales. Leaving your hand that was on his cheek to fall on his shoulder. “Do you have something to say Y/N?”

You leaned on your elbow trying to get him to look at you. Your hands travelled down to his chest “Don’t you think you’ve been partying a lot lately?”

“Mmm Don’t think so..” he shrugged still not looking at you.

“You’re barely home” you almost whispered not sure if you want to push this discussion.

“What do you mean Y/N? I’m always home” he then looked at you.

You were about to open your mouth to spill everything you’ve been feeling lately but then decided not to. He probably too tired for drama anyways.

“Come here” he motioned to you as he opened his arms. You complied and laid on his chest. “Te quiero.” He lifted your chin up and look at you deeply. “Don’t ever think otherwise. Even just for one second” stupid you, let your heart flutter at his words smiling up at him sweetly.

You splash cold water on your face to snap you out of your thoughts. You stare yourself at the mirror and saw your red and puffy eyes. You kept staring blinking rapidly trying to stop the tears from forming. You stood there for what felt like years before wiping your face with a clean towel. You held your breath one last time, tightly shut your eyes only to open them again, exhale and went out of the bathroom and into your shared bedroom.

2:40 am and he’s still not home. Why are you not surprised?

It was so obvious. Looking back now, you felt like a complete idiot blindsided by love. You should’ve seen it coming when he gave you that smile that didn’t reach his eyes anymore, the way your lips touched and moved in sync but the desire to have you was gone.

“Bet you couldn’t last a day without fucking me” you laughed as you teased him. You two just finished fucking and were now watching a movie when his hands travelled up to your thighs again.

“Is that a challenge?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Nahh, just stating facts” you then got this brilliant idea to get back at him for all those times he made you beg and tease you. You straddled him, bury your face onto his neck softly gliding your lips against his skin while your finger trace against his bare chest. You wore nothing but an oversized shirt of his. Nothing underneath so you’re pretty sure he felt how wet you are right now. Normally, this would work. Arón never declined sex.

“Bebe” you whispered to his ear seductively and nibbled on it after.

“Shhh!!! Here comes the best part!” his eyebrows furrowed as he pointed on the screen.

Oh this was gonna be hard. “So, you’re saying, you wouldn’t touch me even if I am naked?” he shrugged, his lips formed an inverted smile with his eyes still glued to the TV. You then took your shirt off. And you swore you heard a soft “damn” coming from him. You just wanted to mess with him, tease him but the feeling of his skin touching yours turned you on as you start grinding him through his boxers moaning close to his ear.

Nada. No emotions.

You sighed in frustration so you decided to take it to another level. You then turned your back at him leaning on his chest, you open your legs wide and draped your legs on his. You smirked as you can already feel his growing bulge against your ass.

“I hate to fuck myself but since my boyfriend’s ignoring me…. Oh well” you announced as your hand gripped his leg and your other hand start to play with your clit. Rubbing small circles and moaning softly at first. You can feel him shifting underneath you. you were surprised when he grabbed your waist and push you off of him and sat you on the side.

“Yo.. you’re b-blocking the view,Y/N” he said uneasy. His hands gripped his thigh and bit his lower lip way too hard for you not to know he’s about to give in.

You scoffed at him “Oh it’s on!” you then place your left leg again on his right one and start to rub your clit faster than before making you moan so loud saying things like “Ohhh baby…” “Si, Arooonnn, si!” you’re so wet it made it easier to switch from rubbing your clit into inserting two fingers inside you. your other hand then reached for his growing bulge. He refused to touch you but you definitely wouldn’t refuse to touch him. You started palming him as you pleasure yourself earning a low growl from him. “Let me ride you baby”

You then suddenly felt his hand over yours, the one you had on your pussy and jerk it. “You drive me crazy”

@artsaree /Sara’s part

He managed to push you away a little so he could finally flip you both over so he was now on top.

Smirking down at you he pulled down his pants, making his hard dick slap against his lower stomach.

„Open up.“

You bit your lip and jerked your head back to give him easier access to hover over your face. Slowly he slid his dick in your welcoming mouth, making both of you moan out softly.

„Mhm just like that.“ he groaned and held onto the wall for support as you were sucking his tip seductively.

„Take it.“ he suddenly spoke and pushed his length into your mouth. It was always a little hard for you to fit all of him in your little mouth but he still made sure you were okay.

There was still a little space left so you nodded at him to tell him he could push his entire dick in your mouth.

„Dont want you to gag, u know that.“ he just mumbled but did as you told him and he slid his cock deeper.

„Ah fuck.“ he groaned and threw his head back in pleasure.

You could feel tears building up, he seemed to notice too because he pulled out completely. You swallowed and took a deep breath. „You good?“ he spoke but you just replied by bringing his tip back to your lips.

„Mh good girl.“ he moaned out as you kitten licked his tip.

„On your stomach babygirl.“ he groaned after you had sucked on his tip for a bit.

He got off of you and stood up to get a condom from the drawer.

Meanwhile you lied down on your naked stomach and waited for him.

„Open your legs for papi.“ he growled as you felt a harsh smack on your left ass cheek. That made you moan out in pain but it also felt good. It wasnt hardcore pain, but you did know it would leave a spot.

You opened your legs and lifted your hips up a little.

„Yes good.“ you heard his deep voice behind you.

Arón grabbed a pillow and placed it under your hips for support. „Ready for my cock honey?“ he asked.

„Yes papi.“ you moaned as a response before he slowly slid his hard cock into your trembling pussy. „Ah fuck you‘re always so tight.“ he whispered and grabbed your hips roughly.

Without hesitation he started slamming into you as if there was no tomorrow. With harsh thrusts he kept hitting your g-spot, making your eyes roll back and your mouth fall open.

Arón was moaning loudly as you could already feel him getting closer.

He changed his angle a little by aiming higher, laying down on your butt.

„Babe.“ he growled and suddenly grabbed you by your hair.

He he never done that before.

And he knew you didnt like it since your head was sensitive.

But that moment you were so turned on, you didnt even think of stopping his actions.

Arón fucked you roughly and fast while you were moaning out his name or cursed. You could hear him panting against your back.

„Im coming baby.“ he groaned and slammed into you with no mercy. You couldnt keep it any longer either.

Two last thrusts and he had you coming for him. Your body started shaking as your orgasm went through your body like lightening.

„Yes baby come on.“ he smacked your butt once again until he came as well. „Fuck yes.“ he almost screamed and jerked your head up on your hair.

It hurt but you were too concentrated on your own orgasm you didnt realize.

Your back was up against his chest while his cock was twitching in you, spilling his cum into the condom.

„Ah fuck.“ he breathed out as he calmed down from his intense orgasm.

You were pretty exhausted too and just expected him to cuddle you and finish the movie but he suddenly whispered:“On your back.“

You were confused but followed his commands and lied down.

„Put your arms behind your back. No touching until I come back.“

By nodding you agreed and he left the room without saying any more.

You waited patiently for him to come back and it was really hard not to touch yourself. You just came, yes, but your clit hadnt gotten any of his attention yet. And usually he ate you out before sex or at least rubbed your clit while he was fucking you.

It took him about 5 minutes to finally return to the bedroom, he was now wearing jeans, but his upper body was still exposed.

„Did you touch yourself baby?“

You shook your head truthfully and spoke:“No I didnt.“

-„Promise?“ he asked and stood in front of the bed looking at you.

„I promise daddy.“

He nodded and finally climbed inbetween your legs.

„Good girl.“

He spread your legs carefully before finally attaching his lips to your thighs, placing soft kisses everywhere.

This boy could really fuck you rough and tell you you‘re his baby a second later.

Your hands were still behind your back, just as he had told you to, while his tongue was tracing circles on your thighs and lower stomach.

„Arón.“ you moaned out, seeking pleasure.

He loved being called daddy or papi, but hearing you say his name was his biggest turn on. He loved your voice, and when it said his given name he got reminded how much he loves you really.

„You sure you deserve this for being such a bitch to me before?“ he played.

„Arón please.“ you exclaimed and looked down at him.

He was just laying there, looking up at you, no part of his body touching yours anymore.

„You know what. Nah. Maybe tomorrow.“

#aron piper imagines #aron x reader #aron piper #aron x you #aron smut #aron fan

105 notes · View notes

chlodani · 4 years ago

Text

This is my next smau. It's a Harry Potter smau. Neville X F.!Reader pairing. There's a bit of Fred X F.!Reader pairing in here. There's also Neville X Fred X F.!Reader. Title:A Muggle's Love Story

Trigger warning: Slight swearing! Mentions of sex! Will be mentions of rape! Slight abuse! If you are sensitive to these things read at your own risk!

Y/n was a muggle brought into the world of magic, at a very young age. She didn't know how to handle it. And with her older sister, her guardian being the only one who could take care of her, it proved to be difficult for her with her sister being the Defense Against The Dark Arts professor, and her having to live in the world of magic. She feels a little left out, seeing as both her sisters, her older and her younger, - her twin - are wizards and she is not. But that all disappears when she meets the one person who helped her realize not everything is about that. And it's not all its cracked up to be. Neville was there for her since she was young and they became the best of friends. However, as they got older they realized their feelings were more for each other than they even orginally thought. But what happens when Neville finally has the courage and another man tries to swoop in and take him from her?

Special Edition Series Finale Two-Parter Part 21

This is the end of my Harry Potter smau. I hope you guys enjoyed this story and will stick around for the next one. Thanks for reading❤

Adelina's P.O.V.

I couldn't believe my eyes as I held this letter from mother in my hand. I've always been close to Albus, and I've always looked at him as my father. But I could've never imagined him being my actual father.

"Hey Lina, we're almost finished, what do you say we all go out for pizza together, before me and Jami officially leave," Y/n suggested to me.

I barely paid attention as I intently stared.

"Adelina, are you okay?" Y/n asked as she started to walk over to me.

"I can't believe this," I spoke out not taking my eyes off the letter.

"Can't believe what?" She asked beyond confused.

She stood next to me looking at the letter.

"Its a letter for me from mom - She told me who my real father is," I responded still in disbelief.

Y/n didnt say anything as she looked at Jami. I dont think she knew what to say. I took in a soft breath as I stared at Albus's name on the page.

"What does the letter say sis?" Y/n asked me curiously concerned.

I couldn't read it out loud, do to being so shocked still.

"Here,-" I handed her the letter, "You can read it out loud if you'd like," I told her.

She nodded to me. As she began I could feel more tears coming to my eyes. I crossed my arms over my stomach, gently biting on my thumbnail. Jami walked closer to me.

"Oh Adelina," Y/n spoke softly as she gave the letter back to me.

"Um, why don't you guys go ahead and go out to get pizza, I've got something, important I need to take care of," I told them.

Y/n was quiet for a minute. She rested her hand on my shoulder.

"Okay, we'll see you later, - Come on guys," Y/n spoke softly as she walked over to Neville.

I stayed quiet as Jami followed. I will do what my mother asked of me.

. . .

I knocked on Albus's office door.

"Come in,"

I gently opened the door, closing it as I walked in.

"Ah, Adelina, its nice to see your out and about after what happened, -"

A soft smile passed me.

"How are you feeling?" Albus asked me in a caring soft tone.

"Im feeling better, - Albus there's something I need to speak with you about," I told him nervously.

"Of course dear, what is it?"

"How much do you remember of my mother?"

He was quiet for a minute. A soft smile passed him as he thought.

"Yes, I remember your mother, Iris, she was a wonderful student. We helped each other a lot, -"

"Were you friends?"

"Oh yes, we were great friends,"

"Did you love her?"

He went silent for a moment as he looked at me. I could tell he wanted to hesitate, but he didnt want to hide anything from me.

"Adelina, why are you asking me these questions?"

"I found this, -"

I pulled out the letter from my mother, unfolding it.

"Its a letter from my mom written to me. Its hard to explain, here,"

I gave him the letter. He took it without saying a word, reading it to himself. I could tell he was surprised as he read it. I dont think he knew what to say.

"Yes, my dear, I loved your mother very dearly, but she fell in love with another man. I didnt want to let on to her how much it pained me to see her love another. All I wanted was what was best for her. And I had to come to terms with myself that wasnt me. I had to move on. I never found another love. After your mother I couldnt bring myself to try, -"

"Im sorry,"

"I understand her reason for not telling me she was pregnant. But I wish now that she had. I could have taken you and your daughter and your sisters in after your mother died. I always hoped I could have a part of her after she died, but I never had it. Though I always felt a stronger connection when I stood next to you, I know now that is because your my daughter, -"

Without thinking I quickly wrapped my arms around him holding him close to me. He wrapped his around me softly, giving me a soft gentle kiss to the top of my head.

"Im sorry I wasnt there for you Adelina,"

"It isnt your fault, you didnt know,"

"I have always looked at you as my own, but to find out that your my daughter makes it better,"

"I love you - Dad,"

"I love you too sweetheart,"

I leaned away from him with a smile. I motioned to the seats as I wiped the tears from my eyes. We sat down together discussing my mother. He made us a couple cups of tea with magic as we talked. I've always felt a strong connection with him. I always thought it was because of how caring he was. Now I know the real reason.

. . .

Y/n's P.O.V.

I sighed as I stood next to Adelina in her home.

"Well, Boo, this is it, are you ready?" Adelina asked me with a teasing smile glancing at Neville and back at me.

I nodded, "Yes, - Im ready for this," I told her.

Her smile grew as she hugged me.

"Im so proud of you hon, - Never forget that,"

I smiled, "I won't,"

She leaned back looking directly at Neville.

"You better be good to her Neville,"

"Don't worry Adelina, I'll never let anything happen to her again," Neville promised.

"You better not," Adelina warned.

A nervous smile passed him. Luna walked over to me wrapping me in a tight hug.

"I'm gonna miss you Y/n," she said to me.

"I'll miss you too, but dont worry I'll still be around, and I'll keep your mom at bay with Zacharias," I told Luna.

"Good luck with that," Adelina said to me.

A chuckle left me and Luna. I walked over to Jami, who was standing next to Colby. We just stared at each other for a moment.

"Im gonna miss you so much!" We exclaimed as we threw our arms around each other.

We held each other as tightly as we could.

"You guys are literally going to be right across the hall from the other, you'll be able to see each other whenever you want," Colby practically complained.

"We're twins you wouldnt understand. We've never been apart, pretty much in our entire lives. This will be the first time we aren't sharing a room together or greeting each other in the morning, or seeing each other right before we go to bed," Jami told him.

"But its not like you're going to be moving across town away from one another. You'll literally be right across the hall," Colby told her.

Jami said nothing for a moment as she looked at him.

"Shut up," she spoke as she pushed him away.

I chuckled as I looked at Neville.

"Do you have anything to say Neville?" I asked him.

"No, sweetheart, Im good," Neville spoke up.

I chuckled once more as Jami and I hugged each other once again.

"I dont wanna leave you," Jami said to me.

"I dont wanna leave you either," I told her.

"Oh my gosh, you guys are pathetic, -"

Adelina walked over to us.

"Colby's right, you guys will be living across the hall from each other. There's no need to act dramatic," Adelina said to us.

Jami and I leaned away from each other. We both looked at her.

"Whats your excuse?" Jami asked her.

I snickered.

"I am dramatic, thats who I am," she told her.

Jami just smiled as she hugged her. Neville walked closer to me. He gently placed his hand on my back.

"Are you ready to go beautiful?" Neville asked me softly.

I smiled as I looked at him.

"Yeah, Im ready," I replied.

. . .

I smiled as I walked into Neville's apartment knowing I was moving in. Neville helped me carry my suitcases. We moved all the boxes here earlier. I stared directly at the couch as Neville closed the door. I heard him lock it. My stomach was spinning in a thousand circles from the excitement. Neville walked up behind me, placing his hands on my waist, pressing himself against me, placing a soft kiss to the side of my neck.

"You okay beautiful?" Neville asked me softly.

"Yeah, -"

I turned myself to face him.

"I just can't believe I'm actually living here with you, and that we're actually getting married in a few months," I told him.

He smiled at me before quickly pressing his lips to mine. He captured me in a passionate kiss. I smiled into his kiss as I put my arms around his neck.

"Someone's eager tonight," I spoke as I lightly bit my lip.

Neville looked directly into my eyes.

"Welcome home baby girl," he said to me softly.

I said nothing as I looked at him. I pulled him closer to me pressing our lips together once more. After everything we've been through together, its finally time for us to settle down. I may have moved in here, but this isnt my home. Wherever Neville Longbottom is, that's where my home is.

Taglist:

@cece-lives-here

@saur20

9 notes · View notes

wolferals · 4 years ago

Text

WAKE UP CALL**

again a collaboration with my wonderful friend @bbaronpiper ❤️❤️

Both of us wrote half of the story, i hope you like it. And definitely check out her writings!🌸

arón piper imagine

steffi/@bbaronpiper:

7:30 am. Your eyes shot open at the sound of your alarm you turned it off quickly but you still heard a low groan coming from the other side of the bed. You felt Arón stir a little but refused to open his eyes. You turn to face him and run a finger on his cheek. Savoring the few moments you have with your boyfriend. You slept last night without him. He was out partying with his friends. Again. You didn't have a problem with it at first because you swore you'll never be that type of girlfriend who controls and forbid their man on the things they want to do. Until recently, it became a habit of his.

"Morning, Baby" His voice was low and husky.

You smiled at him in return, scooting closer. "Slept well?"

"Si" He said while rubbing his eyes. "Partying after spending whole day on set isn't easy"

You leaned on your elbow trying to get him to look at you. Your hands travelled down to his chest "Don't you think you've been partying a lot lately?"

"Mmm dont think so.." he shrugged still not looking at you.

"You're barely home" you almost whispered not sure if you want to push this discussion.

"What do you mean Y/N? I'm always home" he then looked at you.

You were about to open your mouth to spill everything you've been feeling lately but then decided not to. He probably too tired for drama anyways.

"Come here" he motioned to you as he opened his arms. You complied and laid on his chest. "Te quiero." He lifted your chin up and look at you deeply. "Don't ever think otherwise. Even just for one second" stupid you, let your heart flutter at his words smiling up at him sweetly.

You splash cold water on your face to snap you out of your thoughts. You stare at yourself in the mirror and saw your red and puffy eyes. You kept staring blinking rapidly trying to stop the tears from forming. You stood there for what felt like years before wiping your face with a clean towel. You held your breath one last time, tightly shut your eyes only to open them again, exhale and went out of the bathroom and into your shared bedroom.

2:40 am and he's still not home. Why are you not surprised?

It was so obvious. Looking back now, you felt like a complete idiot blindsided by love. You should've seen it coming when he gave you that smile that didn't reach his eyes anymore, the way your lips touched and moved in sync but the desire to have you was gone.

"Bet you couldn't last a day without fucking me" you laughed as you teased him. You two just finished fucking and were now watching a movie when his hands travelled up to your thighs again.

"Is that a challenge?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Nahh, just stating facts" you then got this brilliant idea to get back at him for all those times he made you beg and tease you. You straddled him, bury your face onto his neck softly gliding your lips against his skin while your finger trace against his bare chest. You wore nothing but an oversized shirt of his. Nothing underneath so you're pretty sure he felt how wet you are right now. Normally, this would work. Arón never declined sex.

"Bebe" you whispered to his ear seductively and nibbled on it after.

"Shhh!!! Here comes the best part!" his eyebrows furrowed as he pointed on the screen.

Oh this was gonna be hard. "So, you're saying, you wouldn't touch me even if I am naked?" he shrugged, his lips formed an inverted smile with his eyes still glued to the TV. You then took your shirt off. And you swore you heard a soft "damn" coming from him. You just wanted to mess with him, tease him but the feeling of his skin touching yours turned you on as you start grinding him through his boxers moaning close to his ear.

Nada. No emotions.

"I hate to fuck myself but since my boyfriend's ignoring me.... Oh well" you announced as your hand gripped his leg and your other hand start to play with your clit. Rubbing small circles and moaning softly at first. You can feel him shifting underneath you. you were surprised when he grabbed your waist and push you off of him and sat you on the side.

"Yo.. you're b-blocking the view,Y/N" he said uneasy. His hands gripped his thigh and bit his lower lip way too hard for you not to know he's about to give in.

You scoffed at him "Oh it's on!" you then place your left leg again on his right one and start to rub your clit faster than before making you moan so loud saying things like "Ohhh baby..." "Si, Arooonnn, si!" you're so wet it made it easier to switch from rubbing your clit into inserting two fingers inside you. your other hand then reached for his growing bulge. He refused to touch you but you definitely wouldn't refuse to touch him. You started palming him as you pleasure yourself earning a low growl from him. "Let me ride you baby"

You then suddenly felt his hand over yours, the one you had on your pussy and jerk it. "You drive me crazy"

sara/me:

He managed to push you away a little so he could finally flip you both over so he was now on top.

Smirking down at you he pulled down his pants, making his hard dick slap against his lower stomach.

„Open up."

You bit your lip and jerked your head back to give him easier access to hover over your face. Slowly he slid his dick in your welcoming mouth, making both of you moan out softly.

„Mhm just like that." he groaned and held onto the wall for support as you were sucking his tip seductively.

„Take it." he suddenly spoke and pushed his length into your mouth. It was always a little hard for you to fit all of him in your little mouth but he still made sure you were okay.

There was still a little space left so you nodded at him to tell him he could push his entire dick in your mouth.

„Dont want you to gag, u know that." he just mumbled but did as you told him and he slid his cock deeper.

„Ah fuck." he groaned and threw his head back in pleasure.

You could feel tears building up, he seemed to notice too because he pulled out completely. You swallowed and took a deep breath. „You good?" he spoke but you just replied by bringing his tip back to your lips.

„Mh good girl." he moaned out as you kitten licked his tip.

„On your stomach babygirl." he groaned after you had sucked on his tip for a bit.

He got off of you and stood up to get a condom from the drawer.

Meanwhile you lied down on your naked stomach and waited for him.

„Open your legs for papi." he growled as you felt a harsh smack on your left ass cheek. That made you moan out in pain but it also felt good. It wasnt hardcore pain, but you did know it would leave a spot.

You opened your legs and lifted your hips up a little.

„Yes good." you heard his deep voice behind you.

Arón grabbed a pillow and placed it under your hips for support. „Ready for my cock honey?" he asked.

„Yes papi." you moaned as a response before he slowly slid his hard cock into your trembling pussy. „Ah fuck you're always so tight." he whispered and grabbed your hips roughly.

Without hesitation he started slamming into you as if there was no tomorrow. With harsh thrusts he kept hitting your g-spot, making your eyes roll back and your mouth fall open.

Arón was moaning loudly as you could already feel him getting closer.

He changed his angle a little by aiming higher, laying down on your butt.

„Babe." he growled and suddenly grabbed you by your hair.

He he never done that before.

And he knew you didnt like it since your head was sensitive.

But that moment you were so turned on, you didnt even think of stopping his actions.

Arón fucked you roughly and fast while you were moaning out his name or cursed. You could hear him panting against your back.

„Im coming baby." he groaned and slammed into you with no mercy. You couldnt keep it any longer either.

Two last thrusts and he had you coming for him. Your body started shaking as your orgasm went through your body like lightening.

„Yes baby come on." he smacked your butt once again until he came as well. „Fuck yes." he almost screamed and jerked your head up on your hair.

It hurt but you were too concentrated on your own orgasm you didnt realize.

Your back was up against his chest while his cock was twitching in you, spilling his cum into the condom.

„Ah fuck." he breathed out as he calmed down from his intense orgasm.

You were pretty exhausted too and just expected him to cuddle you and finish the movie but he suddenly whispered:"On your back."

You were confused but followed his commands and lied down.

„Put your arms behind your back. No touching until I come back."

By nodding you agreed and he left the room without saying any more.

It took him about 5 minutes to finally return to the bedroom, he was now wearing jeans, but his upper body was still exposed.

„Did you touch yourself baby?"

You shook your head truthfully and spoke:"No I didnt."

-„Promise?" he asked and stood in front of the bed looking at you.

„I promise daddy."

He nodded and finally climbed inbetween your legs.

„Good girl."

He spread your legs carefully before finally attaching his lips to your thighs, placing soft kisses everywhere.

This boy could really fuck you rough and tell you you're his baby a second later.

Your hands were still behind your back, just as he had told you to, while his tongue was tracing circles on your thighs and lower stomach.

„Arón." you moaned out, seeking pleasure.

He loved being called daddy or papi, but hearing you say his name was his biggest turn on. He loved your voice, and when it said his given name he got reminded how much he loves you really.

„You sure you deserve this for being such a bitch to me before?" he played.

„Arón please." you exclaimed and looked down at him.

He was just laying there, looking up at you, no part of his body touching yours anymore.

„You know what. Nah. Maybe tomorrow."

19 notes · View notes

throwing-summers-at-the-walls · 4 years ago

Note

Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot. but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :( -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛

#half valid anon

6 notes · View notes

shawnpetermuffins · 6 years ago

Text

Pictured with You (x.)

A/n: yo, I know I said I was done with the angst, but like I fully didn't intend for this chapter to go this way. AND IT WASNT UNTIL I FINISHED THIS CHAPTER THAT I REMEMBERED IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN SHAWN'S POV. I'M DUMB, BUT I WAS ALSO TOO LAZY TO CHANGE IT. Also, sorry in advance for ch. 11, which will also be angsty.

Summary: everything was fine. Or it should have been. Guess y/n and Shawn just can't catch a break.

Warnings: ANGST, but also a little fluff

Word count: 2.5k

***

My breathing finally slows after nearly thirty minutes of uncontrollable sobs that Shawn somehow manages to hold me through. His back is against the tub, and mine against his chest, seeing as this was the only way he could hold me without me fighting him. I'm playing with his long fingers and he let's me, knowing I need the distraction before I breakdown again.

"Your ring is pretty," I say, barely above a whisper.

He hums with a gentle kiss on the crown of my head before he slips it off. "Give me your hand," he requests, voice still muffled by my hair, which has to be tickling his nose. I don't know how he's stayed in this position for so long. I hold my hand out for him and he pushes the ring gently on my middle finger, then brings my hand to his lips, and presses a gentle kiss to the band. "Looks good on you."

I can't help but smile at the small compliment, but I turn back, looking into his beautiful, memorizing eyes that hold that honey hue in the bright bathroom. "Hey, rockstar?"

"Hmm?" He brushes a strand of hair away from my face, looking intently in my eyes.

"I'm sorry this happened." My eyes avert to the pregnancy test sitting beside us. "I know this is completely stressful for you. I shouldn't have brought you into this."

He shakes his head, "don't do that." He sighs, hand running through his fluffy curls. "Don't pretend that you needed to do this alone. You had every right to tell me." He picks up the test with, what I can only take as a relieved sigh. "And now we know. We have nothing to worry about."

I nod, staring gratefully at the negative test in his large hand. "Yeah. We got lucky."

"We did. So we'll just be more careful next time," he says with a smirk, nudging my cheek with his nose. "I'll wear two condoms," he jokes.

I want to laugh, I really do. "Shawn…"

A frown sets deep in his face. "What's wrong?"

I lick my lips and run my thumb over his clenched jaw. "You know we can't do this again, right?"

"Why not?" He pulls back, clearly frustrated. "Y/n, we have feelings for each other. Mine aren't just gonna go away like that."

"I'm not saying they have to. We just… we can't do this on tour. It's not right."

"It feels right."

I can't deny that. It does. It feels right and comfortable being with him. But it's not easy. It can never be easy with our chosen careers. "We both have jobs to do. This is my job, Shawn. Traveling and taking pictures. That's what I'm paid to do."

"And being able to sleep with me should be an extra bonus." He tries to joke, but his tone is laced with bitterness.

I deflate. "What if I promise you someday?"

"Someday?"

"Can we just… can we wait until tour is over to try this? I want it to be something real. Not you wanting me because I'm your age and I'm right here and it's easy for you."

"That's never what it is."

I swallow the lump in my throat. "Then we'll wait the six months?"

He smiles lazily at me. "We'll wait the six months."

I hold my pinky out to him, "friends?"

"Friends," he locks our fingers. "For now at least," he replies with a wicked grin.

I can only smile back. "You're something else, Mendes."

"You're everything," he whispers, and I glare at him, even though the blush on my cheeks betrays what I should be conveying, which is annoyance.

"Friends don't say that to each other."

He nods grimly, "I know. Just… had to get it out of my system."

I hum, "well if we're getting things out of our system," I take his face in my hands and press my lips to his. And like he's starved for it, he deepens the kiss, arms wrapping around my middle, bringing me impossibly closer to his hoodie covered upper body.

"Can friends sleep in the same bed?" he asks against my lips, fully out of breath, but leaning in again before I can answer.

I manage to pull away seconds later though, replacing my mouth with my fingertips, which he doesn't hesitate to pepper with tiny kisses. "They can if that's all they do."

"Promise." He's moved to my cheeks now, kissing each side, then my forehead, and eyelids and nose. And I'm a giggling mess, but I don't ask him to stop. I don't want him to. I let him continue until he's on top of me, laughing against my neck and we're both just intensely giddy and tired at the same time. When we've both caught our breath, he rests his head on my chest and I run my fingers lazily through his hair. "We should go to sleep," he mumbles. "We have to be up in three hours." He lifts himself from the ground and dusts himself off.

I groan, "Oh goodie."

"Come on, y/n." Shawn holds his hands out for me and I place my palms in his, allowing him to help me to my feet. "Let's get you to bed.

---

"You feeling better?" Connor asks at breakfast, voice low enough that only I can hear.

I nod, "Yeah. It was definitely just a twenty-four hour thing."

I watch his shoulders visibly relax. "Thank God. Did you take a test? Does he know?"

"Con, I don't want to talk about this."

"Well, you're sitting together again. I'm assuming you talked after I left."

I roll my eyes and grab his arm. "Excuse us," I say to the table, which is just Shawn and Brian. I take him to a secluded corner and cross my arms over my chest. "Okay, we need boundaries."

He laughs, "What?"

"Boundaries? Ever heard of them?"

"Of course I have. However, I didn't know our friendship had those."

"That's very clear."

He frowns, "What is going on with you today? You're not pregnant. You on your period or something? You shouldn't be. That's usually the end of the month, right?"

"See? That. That's why we need boundaries!"

"Y/n, we've been friends since we were kids. Of course I know when your period is."

"That's not what I'm concerned about!"

"Then what is it?"

"I don't want to talk to you about the status of my relationship with Shawn anymore."

Connor rolls his eyes, "You're kidding."

"Does it look like I'm kidding?" I challenge. But he's not intimidated. He never has been.

"Why is he suddenly off limits then?" He crosses his arms too, and rolls his head back before glaring at me sideways.

"This isn't your relationship," I say simply. "You and I have always been friends, and then we were more than that for a little bit. And you've always looked out for me. I get that. I really do. I am grateful for it. But at some point, you're going to have to let me make the mistakes I'm supposed to make. And you have to let me see for myself if Shawn and I will work out. You can't just… insert yourself before anything happens."

"I'm just trying to make sure you don't get hurt."

"I'm not fragile, Con! I'm just as capable of hurting him, you know." I lift my arms in exaggeration. "I'm not going to break at the slightest thing. I am a big girl and I can take care of myself. So this is the last time we talk about this. Shawn and I agreed to stay friends - just friends- the remainder of the tour. And then, if we still want each other the same way, we'll try dating when we get back home. But this is it. I don't want to talk about this with you because you make it so hard. Just… let me be me, okay?"

He looks down, defeated. "Okay. No more Shawn talk." He sighs and holds his palm out, expecting a high five. "Still best friends?" He asks with a lopsided smile.

I ignore his hand and embrace him warmly. "Always."

---

It's been a few days since our late night drug store adventure, and Shawn and I are in his dressing room, scrolling through some of the photos I had taken of him when we were out sightseeing earlier in the day when Andrew walks in, seemingly pissed, followed by Cez who doesn't seem to be any happier.

"What's this?" Andrew shoves his phone in front of Shawn's face and he squinted at the sudden, close brightness. But I'm far enough away to see it perfectly clear.

It's a photo. Of me in his red hoodie, hands in the large pocket, and his arm wrapped around my shoulders, lips pressed to my temple. We're walking out of the drug store, so much closer than we should have been, I know. I knew it then too, but it's hard to tell his boy no. I look away from the phone, too stunned that someone saw us that late at night. That they took that photo. That it's now probably on every social media sight and everyone could be speculating right now.

"I can explain," Shawn starts to defend himself - us - before Andrew interrupts him.

"So not only did they catch you kissing her, but you also went out, ALONE, without telling somebody. Shawn, I don't care what time it is, we need to know where you are at all times because we can't risk you getting mobbed by fans."

He goes to speak again, but now Cez is yelling. "What were you even doing at a twenty-four hour drugstore? You couldn't have gotten what you needed down in the lobby? You had to leave after midnight to get something? What was so important that it couldn't wait?"

"It's my fault," I speak up because I can't let Shawn get blamed for this. "I wasn't feeling good and I needed to get medicine. I'd checked the lobby when we got back, but they didn't have what I needed." I swallow the lump in my throat, "Shawn just went to make sure I didn't get lost or something. It was all me."

"Y/n, no it wasn't." Shawn says, obviously bewildered as to why I felt the need to lie for him. "Don't fucking lie for me." He turns back to the two grown, fairly angry men standing over us. "It was me. She didn't want to go. I made her. Okay? I'm sorry I left without telling you, but seriously? I'm twenty-two fucking years old. Let me breathe a little." He stands up, towering over Andrew. I don't think I've ever seen him look so intimidating… and frankly, quite hot. (But I shouldn't be thinking that because we're just friends and friends don't say that about each other.)

But Andrew doesn't back down. "Look, I don't care why you were out. You can't leave without security. And you can't be seen with a girlfriend right now."

"No, Andrew," I stand from my place on the couch. "We're not - I'm not his girlfriend."

Just as Andrew says, "That makes it even harder to explain." Shawn grumbles, "Yeah, made damn sure of that, didn't you?"

I don't pay his manager any attention now, because all I can do is stare painfully at the tall man standing next to me. "Are you serious? You're really going to say that shit right now?"

"What's going on?" I hear Brian whisper to Cez, but I'm too angry and hurt by Shawn's words that I can't be bothered to look in their direction. Andrew seems to have dropped his outwardly upset demeanor because I can feel him eyeing Shawn and then me, back and forth, nervously.

"Y/n."

"I told you to give me six months! I wanted to avoid all of this!" I exclaim, gesturing to the room that's now pretty much full of everyone wanting to watch this shitshow. "But you just can't handle being told no, can you?"

"Hey," he puts an arm out to reach for me, but I pull away instantly. "Y/n, that's not what this is."

"I get it. You're Shawn Mendes. You're known all around the world and any woman in their right mind would drop to their knees to be with you. But I've seen, first hand, what your lifestyle entails. And I'll be honest, whether I like you or not, I don't know if I can be in it. Especially not if it's going to lead to this every single time." I push past the crew in this now crowded room, bumping shoulders with Connor, who reaches for my wrist.

He gives me a look that rests somewhere between sympathetic and 'I told you so.' I scoff and keep walking until I round the corner a couple hundred feet away.

I'm wiping at my fallen tears when I hear the unmistakable voice of my curly head boy, only this time he holds so much contempt. "Fucking hell! Can I not deal with just one thing on my own?! One thing where I don't have 100 different people watching and telling me what to do?! Just leave me alone!" His hard footsteps sound from down the hall. And then they stop, and his voice catches me off guard.

"Y/n, I'm sorry!" He yells from wherever he is. "Please come talk to me." He's closer now, each step heavier than the last. He sighs in relief when he finds me. "There you are."

I shake my head, "Shawn, no."

"Just let me apologize. Okay? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't," he takes another deep breath. "I didn't mean for that to come out. Especially not the way it did."

"You don't want to wait, Shawn. And I can't be with you right now. What are we supposed to do about this? I begged you to give me time. You said you would give me that. But it's obvious that that's not good enough for you."

"No, honey. It's enough. I swear it is. Andrew just drives me crazy and I said things I didn't mean."

"You and I both know… some part of you believes what you said. We're too different, bub. It's never gonna work out with us. I think, even if we deny it like there's no tomorrow, we know that." I cup one side of his face and he falls into my touch, placing a kiss to my wrist. "It's best if we just kept it professional from now on."

His eyes are glassy, "But-"

"I'm your photographer. Nothing more."

"We can't even be friends anymore?"

I deflate, "We were kidding ourselves thinking we could ever be just friends after that night." I pat his chest and make my way around him, back to the dressing room to get my camera. The room is still crowded, everyone stops in their tracks when they see me. I roll my eyes; this is all so high school, the way everything is being handled. I look up, annoyed, my camera strap around my neck. "Don't we have sound check to get to?"

Andrew clears his throat, "y/n."

I hold my hand up, "Don't worry, Andrew. His precious reputation will stay in tact. Excuse me," I leave the room in a hurry, passing a series of dumbfounded faces on my way to the stage.

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @anamariel2301 @shawns-badreputation @bbellbagel @turtoix @ivegotparticulartaste @tomshufflepuff @dino-16-avocado @sleepybesson

PWY tags: @lifeoftheparty74 @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @alinaxxshawn @rosesfromcth @5-seconds-of-mendes @sweetheartmendes @shawnwyr @strangerliaa @xoxohannahlee @thenovarose @justanotherfangurl272 @particularmila @buckwildflower

Only 5 more chapters to go! I hope you've been enjoying!

Like, reblog and leave feedback!! 💙💙

#pictured with you #shawn mendes #shawn peter raul #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes smut #smfsource

164 notes · View notes

yanjuniverse · 6 years ago

Text

Girls Like You ; twenty-five

(prev/next) masterlist

“What the heck happened?!”

Chengcheng was finally ready to fall asleep when there was a banging on the door. He groaned and opened it only to find Zhengting standing there with a bloody nose.

“I fell,” he grumbles as he walks to the sink. He rinses away the blood.

“That’s a pretty nasty fall,” Chengcheng replies as he watches him. “Was it right into someone’s fist or-“

“I don’t get it, Chengcheng,” Zhengting stands up, holding a napkin to his nose. He pushes past him and starts to pace around the room.

“Don’t get what, Ge?”

“I don’t get her,” he seeths. “I mean, I’m here. I’m perfect for her and yet she wants to go fool around with Cai Xukun and suddenly he’s the one? What about me? I’ve been here for her since we were babies! She loves me just as much as I love her and yet she punches me in the face over Xukun? A guy she’s barley known for how long now?” Zhengting throws his free hand down in frustration. “It doesn’t even fucking make sense. She’s mine. I’m her’s. What else should there be to this?”

Chengcheng stares at him for a moment before he shakes his head. “Zhengting, if you truly loved her you would give her the space she needed. Don’t you see how lost she is right now? Why can’t you just set her free?”

Zhengting frowns. “What if she doesn’t come back to me?”

“Then she wasnt truly yours to start with,” Chengcheng bluntly explains. “When will you get it through your head that you can’t force her to feel a certain way about you? She’s gone through so much, Ting. The least you could do is let her breathe sometimes.”

“What do you know?” Zhengting scoffs. “Aren’t you like in love with her even a little bit?”

Chengcheng shakes his head and laughs coldly. He can’t believe that even now, Zhengting would throw something like that in his face. “Maybe I am, but the difference between you and I is that I’ve come to terms with how she feels about me in the moment and I never push her to reciprocate my feelings. I don’t switch up the amount of love I feel for her based on how much she gives me. Maybe if you learned to do the same, she would be less hesitant and just fall for you already.”

Zhengting stops and stares at him. He’s right and Zhengting knows it. He’s just annoyed that it’s coming from someone much younger than him.

“She needs someone to take care of her unconditionally,” Chengcheng says. “Why would you take Xukun away from her like that?”

“How did you-“

“I know a lot more than the two of you put past me,” he rolls his eyes. Zhengting takes a deep breath and sits on his bed. “Zhengting, you have to let her go.”

“I don’t,” he shakes his head. “As much as I should, I can’t bring myself to just let her go. I mean, I’ve been in love with her for as long as I remembered and when our future got threatened, I just - I freaked out, Chengcheng. I didn’t even know what to do last time and-“

“Last time?” Chengcheng scrunches his eyebrows together. “What do you mean by last time?”

“Nothing. Forget it,” Zhengting pushes past him.

Chengcheng stares at the ground, thinking over his words when it suddenly hits him at full speed. “You...You got her sent to Australia. Didn’t you, Zhengting?”

“What? No-“

“You were the ones who gave her parents the pictures,” Chengcheng states accusingly. “You got her taken away! For three years and acted like you knew nothing!”

“Chengcheng. Wait, I can explain-“

“Explain how fucked up you are?!” he booms.

“Chengcheng,” he grabs his arm. “I did what was best for her.”

Chengcheng shakes his grip away. “No,” he whispers. “You did what was best for you.” Before Zhengting can say another word, Chengcheng bolts out of the room to find her. He has to find her and make sure she’s okay.

She pounds on the door, irritated and angry. Ziyi is the one who opens it, his eyes bloodshot as he looks down at her. “Oh?” he mumbles. “What are you doing here, princess? It’s late.”

“Where is Xukun?” Her tone puts Ziyi off as he simply just steps aside. She sees him sitting on his bed, papers and books spread out around him. Yanjun is sitting on the opposite bed. It’s almost two in the morning and they’re working on homework. Xukun’s eyes go wide as he sees her state. “Tell me the truth!” she yells at him.

“Darling, what are you-“

“Xukun, please,” she begs. “My entire life is a mess right now and I need someone to tell me the truth.”

“Are you bleeding?” Xukun gasps, standing up as he sees her bloodied hand. She didn’t even notice the stain on her fist as Xukun grabs her wrist and leads her to the bathroom. He shuts the door behind them and lifts her up to sit on the counter as he runs the water. “There’s no cut but there is a bruise,” he mumbles before meeting her wild gaze. “Care to tell me why you have someone else’s blood on your hand?”

“I think I broke Zhengting’s nose,” she explains. “It was bleeding when I left.”

Xukun purses his lips and nods as he washes her hand gently. “Care to tell me why you punched him in the nose?”

“He deserved it,” she shrugs.

Xukun chuckles, “Of course he did.”

She stares at him as he continues to wipe away the blood. She cocks her head to the side and says, “Don’t you hate me?”

He glances at her before nodding his head and grabbing a towel to wipe her knuckles. “I’m not particularly fond of you at the moment but I still gotta soft spot for you, Huang. It just doesn’t seem to go away no matter what I do.” He looks up at her with a small smile playing across his lips. “It’s like every time you come to me whining, no matter how angry you are at me, I still want to fix your problem because I hate seeing you sad.”

She sighs, “Xukun. Can we talk?”

He ponders it for a moment, “You’re gonna actually let me talk this time or are you going to throw a fit and leave again?” She frowns, causing him to roll his eyes and smile. “Look, kid. I’m sorry for what I said up on the roof. I was just angry because you weren’t letting me speak.”

“You wouldn’t let me speak either,” she whines.

He rolls his eyes again, “But who did it first?” he crosses his arms. She sighs as he leans against the walls. “Go ahead. You first.”

She chews on her lip nervously. How does one just bring up a topic like this? How does she just tell him that she knows his entire career here was a lie. She leans back, her body touching the cold mirror, sending a shiver down her spine. “I know that you’re poor.” She cringes inwardly at her words. They weren’t the ones she imagined to use but it got the point across.

His face pales. “What? How do you - What do you mean? I don’t know what you’re talking about-“

“Zhengting told me you only wanted to be my friend in the beginning because you knew what I did for my friend Somi and how I got her into JYP. He told me about how my parents are letting you go here for free. Is that why you sell your notes and stuff? I thought it was because your father didn’t want to send you funds. I mean, I heard they had a company in Italy or something but-“

Xukun shakes his head, “How many other people know about this?”

“Just me, Zhengting and my brother,” she explains. “Nobody else. I promise but-“ she looks at him nervously. “How come you never told me, Xukun? I could’ve helped you. I could’ve-“

“I already told you since you first gave me those shoes,” he crosses his arms. “I don’t take hand outs. I hate them because everyone always expects something in return. You ask for a piece of gum and your friend expects you to give them one in return later. It works like that.”

“Xukun-“

“Your parents gave me enough,” he says. “They let me go to school here for free and in return, I have to give them my life,” he says. “You want the truth? In the beginning, I did want to be your friend just for the connections. Linong told me the benefits of being your friend and he’s the only one out of all of them who know my situation. The others...I’ve been so embarrassed to tell them. Not even Ziyi knows.”

“Why can’t you just tell them?” she asks.

“Because then they’ll feel bad and have pity for me. They’ll start paying for my meals or clothes or supplies and I just - I can’t be in more debt that I already am,” he explains. “And then your father...he came to me and told me that if I stopped seeing you, he would drop everything and said I could finally be set free.”

“He what?”

Xukun’s eyes widen once again. “I-I-“

“What did he tell you?” she frowns. “Don’t lie to me, okay?”

He looks down at the ground, ashamed. “He told me that if I stopped talking to you, I could break our contract. I wouldn’t have to pay him back or anything. I would get to live my life freely.” He shakes his head sadly. “It’s why I don’t sleep, you know? I work my ass off for scholarships and for the bigger companies to see me so that when I got out of here, I wouldn’t be drowning in debt. I just-“ he exhales through his nose and looks up at her. “I came from nothing. That’s why I used to have to steal chocolate. My family was so poor as I grew up and when my mom got sick...we couldn’t afford it anymore. We had to stop treatment. My dad worked three jobs to keep my mom alive and wanted me to become a lawyer so that I would never have to worry about these kinds of things.”

“Xukun,” she frowns.

“Maybe if I had been a little older, I could’ve saved her. You know?” Xukun sniffles. “Maybe I could’ve-“ he shakes his head, “I could’ve gotten a job or something, you know? I could’ve helped her.”

“Xukun,” she repeats.

“Do you hate me for what I did?” he asks. His eyes are filled with sadness. “I promise that I stopped faking it once I started to get to know you. I actually do have feelings for you.”

“I know, baby,” she says as she pulls him into a hug. “I know. I care about you too.”

He shuts his eyes tightly. “I’m so tired,” he whispers. “I’m tired of having to lie to them but I just-“

She hushes him again and hugs him tighter. “That’s show business, Kun. It’s okay.”

“I used you.”

“You didn’t,” she says.

Xukun pulls away and looks at her. “I was going to take the offer,” he tells her. “I thought that it would benefit us both. I wouldn’t have to pay your parents back and you would have it easier. You would get to focus on dance and go on to greater things,” he explains. “I would let you go and hope that someday, we would cross paths again.”

She sighs and leans against the mirror, “If you want to take the offer then you can take it,” she says. “I’ll understand.”

“But I don’t want the stupid offer. I want you,” he explains. “I deserve to have you. I know that now.”

“Xukun,” she smiles. “You should take the offer.”

“But what about you?” he frowns. “Who’s going to take care of you?”

“I can take care of myself,” she says.

“No you can’t,” he replies stubbornly. “You care too much about the people around you. That’s why you want me to take this offer, don’t you?”

She caresses his cheek, “I want you to be taken care of. That deal my parents gave you-“

“I think I love you,” he spurts out suddenly. “I know we haven’t known each other long and to be honesty, I’m not really sure how this love thing goes but if I had to learn it with anyone, I would hope it would be with a girl like you.” She stares at him with wide eyes. Xukun loves her? He just hated her a couple of months ago. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. That was really selfish of me. I’m sorry-“

He’s cut off when he feels her lips on his. It’s not how he planned for their first kiss to go - in a bathroom after a long night of confessions - but he realizes that it didn’t matter. What mattered was that he had her in his arms, even if it were for a moment. He shuts his eyes and pulls her closer to him, her legs wrapping around his waist. He grins into their kiss and silently hopes that this is what love feels like.

But, their moment only lasts for just that moment as there’s a small tap on the door. Xukun pulls away from her as she wipes her mouth and his eyes go wide when he sees Chengcheng standing there with tears staining his cheeks.

“Cheng,” she frowns, hopping down. “What happened?” He doesn’t even answer. Instead, he pulls her into a tight hug. She smiles at him. “Common, let’s get you to bed. Okay?”

“Don’t leave again,” he whispers into her hair.

“Okay,” she nods. “Let’s just go take you to bed.”

“I’ll come with,” Xukun says. He nods to Ziyi and leads the two of them out.

They don’t really speak on the way there but Chengcheng is sure to keep an arm around her. When they enter the room, Xukun plops down on the couch and lets the girl take Chengcheng to Minghao’s room.

“Go to bed,” she tells him.

He sighs and flips on his side, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she scrunches her eyebrows.

“Because you’re the one having the bad day and you’re still taking care of me,” he explains.

“I’ll be fine, kid,” she sighs.

He stares at her for a second before saying, “Jie?” She hums and looks down at him while she readjusts the blanket on him. “You should pick yourself,” he says.

She smiles, “I know.”

“And if picking yourself means picking Xukun then you should,” he says.

“I think I should pick you this time. No?” she teases.

Chengcheng sits up, “I’m serious, Jie. Xukun has good intentions.”

She purses her lips. “How is my little brother lucky enough to have a best friend like you?” He blushes at the comment. “He’s so lucky to have you to learn from.”

“He has you too,” he defends.

“But I had Zhengting to learn from,” she says. “Which is why it’s so hard for me to pick myself sometimes.” Chengcheng frowns as he lays back down in bed. “Xukun has to pick himself too, you know. But if he does that, he can’t pick me.”

“It’s not fair,” he mutters.

She smooths his hair and nods. “It’s not. A lot of things in life aren’t fair. But that’s how we learn, isn’t it?” she smiles. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m always worried about you, Jie,” he says. She sighs and stands up to leave when Chengcheng stops her one more time. “Minghao is really lucky to have you too,” he says again. “Your heart is so strong for someone who has been through so much.”

She smiles and looks back at him. “I love you, Chengcheng. Goodnight.” And with that, she shuts the door and looks out to see Xukun fast asleep on the couch. She decides then that she’ll just fall asleep too. Everything can wait. For now, she’ll squeeze in next to Xukun and let herself fall for him just a bit harder before the sun rises.

254 notes · View notes

youcan-nevercure-mypain · 6 years ago

Text

It all started with a simple fight. We were at home and he was doing his homework on my laptop, i was laying down watching some t.v. He had to go to work soon, i did not. He spent all morning doing his homework. We've had arguments about spending time together, we were both so busy all the time, i always just wanted 5 minutes of his attention before he had to leave for work. He huffed, yet agreed. We were cuddling and then it started. The comments, about me looking for a new job because the one i have now sucks, the conversation of school also comes up, and my grades. We fight, like we have before, he makes some points, as do I and nothing is getting solved. I have a fireball for every thing he complained about, i have stories of things he told me are not okay for me to do, yet it was okay for him to do that same thing. He just had mean things to say. It got to the point where he made me so mad i left. All i said was, "You know what, I'll just go" since he was the one always storming off. Now it was my turn. Not even a few minutes before i left i get a text saying

"Last term, I was making sure you were on track with school, that you're putting effort into work, and that you get attention from me because of these things. It drained me. It made me realize that I had invested so much time into your life that I basically forgot about mine. I had to skip school a couple days last term to make sure that I was able to catch up. I've started missing counseling appts because I'm too busy trying to make sure I'm keeping up in school and making enough money to keep us in an apartment. If there's nothing else to do, and it's just you and me, because of how busy I am, I want time to myself. But I can't get that because you're here. Sam, I'm just too busy to be making promises like that. I'm having such a hard time maintaining my own life that I don't know how to maintain a relationship. I've failed, and I'm sorry."

I tried calling him but not even 2 minutes later i see him driving down the road with his work shirt on. I try calling again. And again. And again. I called 18 times before I decided to give up. I call Ryan, i tell him everything thats happened and he says he'll meet me anywhere i want and talk with me, so i go. I meet up with Ryan, we buy food, we eat, and we walked to a feild he knows of. We sat for a while and talked, about almost everything. He calms me down and i rile him up, thats just how it goes I guess. We end up back at Ryans house where i hang out with both him and his sister for a good few hours. The plan was for me to stay at Ryan's, but i was so homesick. I wanted my bed, i wanted smokey. And i really just wanted Tyson to tell me he loves me. Ryan said he would go back home with me. I was scared, not because I was afraid he'd hurt me, but because i had no idea what this fight might have lead too. We go back to my house and Ryan says that he'll wait outside just incase Tyson is home. I go in and i find Tyson on the floor smoking a bowl and a shot glass besides two empty bottles. He drank all the Hennessy and Vokda. I dont even know how he was still awake at this point. He sees me and tells me i should go to bed without him, i ask why and he says that i just should. I told him i wasnt tired and that im not looking for a fight, he looks away and says "good, neither am i, so what do you want to do now?" I sit, im aware of his state i ask him if we could just forget that we had the fight and have everything go back to normal for tonight and we can deal with everything in the morning. He said no, thats not how this works. So i say "well then, i guess i should send Ryan home then." He is stunned by this and asks what i mean, i tell him Ryan is waiting outside and that i can just send him home. He sighs and tells me to go get Ryan, so i do. We all are in the living room now when Tyson says "tonight will be normal, it will be just like any other day here. You got that? Just for tonight though." I nod my head and he asks me like a child if i would like it if he puts on a t.v. show that i like, i say yes. Tyson and Ryan are in the living room playing magic when i decide to go to bed. I text Ryan and tell him to send Tyson to bed soon, he shouldn't be up so late when he has to work the next day. A while goes by and Tyson is in the bedroom doing his night routine. He hops into bed and places his hand on my back and pulls me closer to him. He whispers "you wanted tonight to be normal, so lets make it normal" He kisses me and i kiss him back things are getting heated and i stop him. I ask if he is going to sleep with me in the bed tonight, he says "for tonight" i asked if he will tomorrow, again he says "for tonight." I ask him what about tomorrow and he sighs. He lays down and tells me that he cant do "us" right now. Im silent, and i quietly ask him "are you seriously breaking up with me right now?" He looks at me confused, and says "I thought you knew. That text i sent earlier? That was me telling you that it's over."

I'm silent. But i finally speak. "Wait... so you thought we were broken up? I thought we just got into a fight!....... this whole time you knew it was over between us and you just tried to have sex with me?! And even worse you did it over text?!" Im hyperventilating now and he stops being mad enough to help me. I'm met with "shhhhh, sammy its gonna be okay, just breathe, you remember the 4 square breathing? Let's do that!." He tried to calm me down, its not working. Im crying and groaning. "I thought you love me, why, why is this happening." Im silent, i wait for his reply. "I love you Sam, im just not IN love with you." My heart stops. Everything is painful. He tries to touch me. I shove him away and im screaming now. Ryan was passed out in the living room, but hes not anymore. I leave the room and im crying. Tyson tries to leave, hes gathering his things and i stop him. I shove him backwards and hes stunned, I tell him he just broke my heart, and I deserved an explanation. He looks me up and down, our eyes lock and im radiating heat. He sighs and agrees, thus beginning the longest 48 hours of my life.

We had a long conversation that night and ask questions and he'd answer. Most of which I can't remember even if I tried, I was tired my chest was hurting, my whole life fell apart. He talked for what seemed like ages and finally we came to the conclusion we were going to try to be on a break. To just step back for a while and focus on ourselves and hopefully come back to each other and figure everything out. He said he'd be willing to try. It was getting late and we were both really tired we agreed to just talk about it more in the morning come up with some ground rules for our situation. I hardly slept that night.

Morning came, and we fell back into the same routine that we do every morning. I'm working on his homework while I was enjoying my day off. The time came around where we have to discuss what was going to happen next. It was a long and painful conversation at the end of it we agreed that we will take this time to focus on school and work, we wouldn't try anything on the relationship not with anybody else at least. He didn't want me to date other guys and I don't want him to see other girls. But something happened that changed everything. I came to the realization that he wanted the separation and he wasn't going to change his mind. I cried and I couldn't stop crying. He was looking at me and I could see it all over his face, he looked sorry, like she had just shot a baby bunny or a small child. He didn't know what to do with me besides pull me into a hug. He said he knows that things are going to be different now, but he knows that I'm a strong girl and that I can get through this, that we both could and things would eventually turn out okay. I wanted to believe him. But something happened and i just shut down. My body stopped feeling and all at once my whole body went numb. I stopped crying and instead i got up and walked to the bathroom. I shut the door, and i locked it. I was in there for a long time until Tyson realized i wasn't coming back out. He tried everything to open the door, and i wouldn't budge. He started to shout for me to just please come out. I didnt want to. I didn't want to feel anything. He finally got in and he immediately looked around. He thought my weapon of choice would have been the stupid amount of pills we have. I pulled down my sleeve and he immediately grabs it, examining all over. He sees what I've done and his voice cracks. "Sam... you don't have to do this, i won't let you do this." He tries to get me to speak. I don't. He tells me he loves me and that he's right here, hes here and hes not going to leave me alone. I laughed.

"You're not here, you left me." Hes quiet now. He has nothing to say. He knows what he did and he starts to cry. I tell him to leave me alone and he yells "no" his hands are on my wrists and hes not letting me go anywhere. I tried to move but nothing happens, he has a good grip and i am so physically drained that im not making much movement. I was getting frustrated more and more by the minute. I freaked out. I was yelling, and moving around, i wanted to be left alone, i wanted to feel something other than the pain i was feeling before. He managed to drag me to the living room where he thought i would feel more safe, i was sobbing at this point and just trying to leave. He was frantic now. He called his mom and she comes. Shes trying to tell me that she wants to take me somewhere, somewhere to talk to someone who can help me. I am calm now, i dont feel anything and i am not fully aware of what is going on. I ended up at a mental health clinic in a room with some women who was trying to tell me how i should feel. Tyson is in the lobby waiting with his mom while i talk to this women. I didn't like her when she first started talking. She was making me feel stupid. And in the end i just wanted to talk to Tyson but she wouldnt let me. She told me i was erratically out of control and mentally unstable to be at home by myself. She asks me if anyone can stay with me for a day or two while i am at home. I tell her maybe Ryan. She tells me that she spoke to Tysons mom and said that he was going to stay with her over the weekend because they don't feel like i should be around Tyson anytime soon. I was starting to fell things again. Anger.

She makes me call Ryan right in front of her, she tells me she wont let me go home until she knows i have someone to "babysit" me to make sure i am not a danger to myself. I hated her. I called and Ryan said he'd come, he brought his sister with him, and Julie comes too. I have 3 people with me the whole weekend. I love them all. I go all night without crying, and i text Tyson the next day. "Hey, i know you probably dont want to talk and i was gonna give you the whole weekend, but then i realized that tomorrow is Easter, and i dont know if you'd want to talk with me after work today (if you work today) and i can promise you that i am in the right head space for this, and if you'd like we could talk in public if that makes it better. And im not looking for a serious conversation about anything, just to figure out together whats gonna happen in the next few days for ourselves. If you dont thats okay just let me know if you're not ready and I'll leave it at that." He responds almost instantly, "can you meet me at BlackRock in an hour?" I tell him yes and then im stuck. I feel fine, i feel okay, i feel excited. And it doesn't hurt knowing that its over. I take a shower and get ready. I look my best and he looks like crap, we sit and we talk.

To be continued

2 notes · View notes

sharkytrash7 · 6 years ago

Text

My last say. Hopefully not my final essay.

So I've been watching YouTube videos of how to get over ex's and how to deal with break ups. In my heart, I know we belong together. I know the fact that I'm not Christian is a problem. My arguement is that you never fell in love with an atheist. You fell in love with me. Its tough when you refer to me as atheist because I'm so much more then that. You of all people know that. I love you with all my heart. I want to marry you still. I'm not of being alone or being without you. I'm scared of what I am without you. To be honest you were and still are my guardian angel in my eyes. You've changed my life and I hate to see you leave. You keep emphasizing that we might not be together but I still have hope we'll be together. After all, you have my rib. I know things are hard for you at the moment with God. Its tough for me 2. I go to afda and put on a smile pretending I'm fine. You want to be with a Christian. I get that. But no Christian will be as good as I am to you. Even tough I'm not a Christian, I can try to be the best person in the world for you. I dont love for your looks or your voice or cause you give me affection or cause you buy me stuff or cause you did things to me. Its all those things and more. I love you cause youre you. I would never change anything about you. Even your cute toes. Once upon a time I promised you I'd convert for you. I want to make this clear ! I am not trying to manipulate you in any way shape or or form ! Im just venting to tumblr. I'd keep my promise. It wouldnt be for you or for me but for us. Cause your right woman ! Its just better if we're both Christian. I know your gonna be thinking, "hmmmm, hes probably just saying this so I get back with him. He just wants me back. What an ass" and it does look like that. Thats why. Huh. Idk actually. I guess it is kinda fucked up to say this. Kinda shity cause then it would make your life 10 times harder. Okay so ignore that bit. Im not deleting it because effort AND because I said it / typed it with meaning and for a reason.

I get why we dont talk because if your parents find out they'll lose their minds and also because I'm pulling you away from your God things. But like when will I be able to date you. Ya know. Like even if I was Christian, your parents would still hate me. And if your parents forgave me. I wouldnt be Christian. So i get your side of life. Cause thats tough cookie. I wish our love could be enough because it is lowkey for us. Its a rough one. I wanna tell you so many things but i dont wanna jinx your future. I just find it crazy that you think your going to marry someone else. People have been saying its just because your my first girlfriend but I dont believe em. I felt a connection with you. Something I dont see happening with anyone else. You keep telling not to wait for you but its what I feel is right. Just like how you said it feels right to break up. I dont think this will last forever. We'll I wont be able to last much longer but. I feel like we've got this. We've been through a lot together and I'm positive about us. When I said us not being together would be a watse I didnt mean a waste of time or money or anything. I just meant it would be crazy for us to go through everything we did just to let (a big deal) get in the way. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU MY BOO !

Lowkey in the back of my head thinking this

I know I said these things but I cant hold you to anything. You could be over me and my shit and want another relationship. I have to deal with that. If you want some buff white english indie guy to come love you then that the way it'll be.

Deep down I want it to be though. Like I want to be your knight. Your dark knight _wink wink_. I know eternal life is a big thing for you and I'd like to be there with you to. I dont really know if I'll be accepted up in heaven. Even if i am a Christian. Im hard on myself like that. Id rather let more deserving people go to heaven. Idk why I put myself. Its just me. I just see potential in others. More so than in myself. I see my purpose on earth as a chance to help others. You know. Plus im sure when (i cant remember the name of it) the blue lights come down and take people to heaven. Im sure I'll meet you up there. Your just so scared of messing up like one thing and I get it I was like that 2. Id make sure everything was planned out. Truth is. I hd to stop being scared in order to move forward. Like after my car accident. I was terrified to drive again. I couldnt deal with driving. But i had to get over it. And I know you blame yourself and God for what happened. Please dont. Everything happens for a reason. I feel like that stuff taught me a lesson about being calm and calming myself down. It definitely wasnt God punishing you for being with me. Again not trying manipulate you or preach to you or try to change your thoughts. Its just my opinion. All I'm hoping you do is consider what I'm saying. I really truley am sorry about everything but at the same time. Everything that happened has happened and its made us who we are. If given the chance I'd do it again.

Also lowkey I'd love to celebrate 2 years with you. #nopressure. Like seriously I'm being serious but at the same time dont stress you cute little head about it. If it doesnt happen it doesnt happen.

My eating habits have gotten worse. Idk. Im lowkey scared im dying. I want to go to the doctor but its expensive and I've been such a burden on my parents. I'm pretty sure I can wait a couple years before getting it checked up.

My new glasses are cool. You have to see yhem in person. That another thing. I thought i wouldve seen you by now just driving or something. But i guess you only really drive to church and home. Or to someones house or like a party thing.

Happy 21st birthday baby. Wow. Your getting like so old. I still remember falling in love with the 19 year old you. Look how far we came. A whole 2 years. Youve grown so much since then. Firstly you don't bump into cars xD. Jk. You really have become such a grown up and I've been blessed being there with you. You became independent and youve become yourself. Its was a wild trip but to see you come out on top has been worth it. You deserve the world. And if anyone tries to hurt you / stop you, send em my way. Youre one of the most beautiful intelligent cutest amazingest bestest person in the whole world. Happy Birthday Boo.

The boo tattoo. We getting em together ? Also all your stuff is still here so if you do move out invite me over sometime so i can drop off these things. Lowkey your life is amazing and spontaneous and I have huge FOMO (fear of missing out). You don't to worry about me tho. I've been waiting to do things with you.

Moving out. Yeah. Its a big possibility next for me. I remember you originally said we can't live together which sucked but made sense. So. If you ever need a place to stay. Call me. I'll set up a guest bedroom for you.

I wasnt going to with your dad a happy birthday because you never with mine I dont think. But im not a monster like you. Jk lol. You probs just forgot.

Also it really sucks you cant speak 2 me. Your not an asshole. I just wish you could've helped me calm down.

Im sorry this was so long. I'm sure Ive forgotten things and said things I shouldnt have but tbh its been kinda theraputic for me. Like I feel a lot better having got thise things off my chest. You dont have to reply to anything yet. Cause I know your brains busy atm. If you can acknowledge that you seen it that would be nice. But ja. Please dont take anything Ive said personally or strongly. I just blurped things out and yes things do have meaning. But it takes two to tango. I desperately want to tango with you though.

Ps I love you

Pps Im sorry

Ppps take me back

Pppps jk. not jk

Yours truly

Triston Kyle Pillay (Penguin)

3:36 Vala is today. Shhhh

1 note · View note

meetnombre · 6 years ago

Text

I promised myself that would keep this blog sfw. That I would fill it full of things that would make many other people happy and to help them escape from the outside world. It was supposed to be my little corner of the web that would be free from real world politics. I guess, today is finally that time where I have to break that promise.

The whole thing started just as Hasbro released the last episode of the first season of My Little Pony. I discovered it all at once when I marathoned through the first season. For 6 months afterwards, I have been following the pony fandom with a passion, but from a distance. Checking out other peoples art, lurking in forums, sending anon messages to other people’s tumblrs. That kind of stuff. (what can I say? To this day, I am still a bit of a social outcast)

It wasnt until one fateful day when I came across a certain someone’s tumblr blog through another person’s livestream. Not gonna mention any names (SilverBlaze! XD), but anyways! It was through this person’s tumblr that I was encouraged very strongly to introduce myself to someone from the fandom for the very first time. What pretty much happened was that I whacked this awesome guy an anonymous donation through his paypal associated with his new tumblr. What immediately happened afterwards was that his OC absolutely freaked out. Maybe I shouldnt have anonymously sent the post: “Here! Have a bag of free money!” as an anon...oh well XP This person helped me to muster the courage to create an online identity that I could use to interact with the fandom a lot better. He drew me my very own pony! (I still remember the livestream, where Silver started drawing “nombre” without a reference…remember the “meet nombre” image that used to be at the top of my tumblr? That was a modified screenshot of what Silver actually drew for me XD. He then scribbled it out, and began drawing my very own nombre! He asked me if I wanted nombre to be a boy or a girl, as he already started to draw long eyelashes for nombre. I was like “Nombre is a boy! NOMBRE IS A BOY!”, and he quickly removed the eyelashes after that X) ). I eventually took my brand new oc, created my very own tumblr…but then decided to wait until a better time to reveal my tumblr, as I kind of accidentally got Heart Lift, Sparks, and Toast Lift to swap bodies on purpose XP

But yeah! Finally went public with my tumblr, and eventually met someone else (Kappa! XP). I visited quite a few of her livestreams (when silver wasnt streaming, obviously XP), and we just…talked. We caught up with each other so much…we really gotta catch up with each other some more. But what happenned eventually was that Kappa invited me to a group chat where Silver and so many other awesome people got to hang out with each other. I met so many idols of my time and so many new faces, all of which soon became mutual friends. I literally felt like one of the richest people on the planet. I even met someone (Andie!), who soon became my girlfriend!

I still remember bits and pieces of the first group voice chat that I had with this group. One of the guys first impressions was “Is this guy serious?” (Kaipo XP), and “I’m more concerned that this guy works with live explosives for a living” (Rainboom XD)

It didnt last forever. Nothing lasts forever. One of my close friends from that group was forced to leave because he kept on getting anonymous hate from someone else. He didnt know who it was, so he was about at that stage where he was going to shut himself off from ‘everyone’. Good job anon! Good job! *slow clap*

I remember very well the time when that group that helped me with my depression got themselves a new certain member. Things were all good for a while…until that certain member made a techno remix, and asked the group as to what they thought of it. The problem was the title that he chose for it, as it was completely unrelated to the music itself, completely unnecessary, and pretty offensive to a lot of people (I’m pretty sure it was something like “Retarded Austistics” or “Autistic Retards” or something simular…..yeah…). That person was eventually removed from the group, but there was a bit of mayhem in the process, as ‘every single member of the group had moderator powers’. The incident served as a wakeup call to the group, so what happenned was that everyone was disbanded from the old group, and a new group was established…

…but here’s the thing. Not everyone was allowed into the new group. There was one person, who apparently the slim majority at the time decided that they didnt want in the new group. A lot of dramas happened since this event, but this particular separation in my opinion was a pretty big deal, as she was kind of a big part of the group at the time, and a big part of my life.

So! The one big group of people who meant so much to me ended up splitting into 2 separate groups. I stayed silent about the whole thing since then, hoping that someday maybe everyone will let bygones be bygones, because we were all friends once. Instead the opposite happened. Years later, a lot of people started forgetting each other. I could have been more proactive at the time to try and preserve what we all had, but I was worried about hurting someone in the process. I didnt know what to do.

My girlfriend broke up with me, and it was pretty much my fault. After being together for 3 months, she approached me and said that she needed some time apart...and I absolutely flipped my shit. I ended up saying a ‘lot’ of stupid shit that sent her into an absolute chronic panic attack. This drove her to the point where she told me straight up that I was no different from any of the other horrible people in her life. I felt like a real asshole when she said that. I said a lot of things that I shouldnt have said that day.

I was very fortunate to still have her as a friend after all of that. ‘Very’ fortunate.

It was about 3 months after this however that she decided to close her tumblr and delete her skype. She told me that she found happiness outside of this world that she built up. Over 2 years passed since she sent me that post, 2 years that she went missing. That’s long enough to legally declare anyone dead (not kidding either. After all of the low’s that she had been through, my mind was really starting to wonder into some pretty dark places as to what might have happened to her. I was so scared). But everything was okay! I actually got a message from her after all of those years from her telling me that she was doing very well and has settled down with someone else.

All I wanted was the best for her and for her to be happy. Nothing has changed. Even if is with someone else, I dont care. She ‘is’ happy, and she ‘is’ doing what is best for her, and thats all that matters. Hell, I’d approach this guy and shake his hand if it wasn’t for the fact that it would probably make things awkward for everyone XD

But as for me, I’m stuck. I dont really know what to do with myself anymore. When you give someone your heart and things dont work out, most people would get over it. Most people would have found a rebound relationship right now or something, but I guess I’m just not like most people. It’s not just because of my past, but its also because of my toxic present and future. I work in a workplace that can be pretty toxic at times. It’s like, you go back to work after your rostered days off to be meeted by ‘many’ old fashioned people who ask you inappropriate questions like “Hey Nombre! Did you get a root on break?” or “Hey Nombre! You should go get a hooker! You might like it!” over and over because they think its funny to do so, it just puts me off so much. I’m fine as I am! I dont mind being single, even if its for the rest of my life...but there are a lot of people out there who think its okay to treat other people like shit because they are ‘different’, when in reality, my workplace is full of old dirty perverts.

Meanwhile, I’m hardly ever online anymore. Every time I do manage to return to eavesdrop on everyone, it feels like everyone is just becoming more and more isolated from each other. I saw a post on ‘that’ group from someone who said that they wondered what I was up to, to which someone else replied that I pretty much only use tumblr now...and that really hurt me a lot. I cant blame them for thinking that way though, given that I hardly appear anymore. I deserved that.

Every time I look into my tumblrs past posts, I always have dramas. This was supposed to be a place of fun, but because the peak of my tumblr career involved the misadventures between myself and my ex and a certain red horse, looking back always brings up a lot of repressed memories.

I dont want to quit tumblr. But at the same time, I dont want to keep going. I dont know what to do. I really wish that things could have been like they were back in the first quarter of 2013. I liked that.

Over 5 years since then, and I dont know how to move on. I really dont.

#vent #Wall of text #I'm sorry

4 notes · View notes

sadrien · 7 years ago

Text

prince of cats

chapter two: this holy shrine

on ao3 || on ffnet 1

i was gonna say something but im in like a really really bad mood right now so i hope you enjoy the chapter

Marinette hesitates for longer than usual at her apartment door. There’s no way her neighbor will be out and about at this time today, she’s never run into him before yesterday. Maybe he just had an errand to run or something. She shouldn’t be nervous about the slim chance of seeing someone she’s exchanged not even half a conversation with.

At least, that’s what she keeps telling herself.

The reality of the situation is that she fell asleep on the couch in the middle of designing an evening dress and had dreamt about his eyes. His eyes! God it’s like she’s a teenager again.

Just as she’d predicted, she doesn’t run into her neighbor. She’s strangely disappointed. Not that she had been looking forward to see him, she just—

Okay. Yes, she’d been looking forward to at least catching another glimpse of him. She kind of wants to hear his voice again, maybe hear him laugh?

For some reason, she thinks it would sound like springtime—

Marinette shakes away those wistful thoughts as she exits the building and makes her way to work. She focuses on the evening gown she started designing the day before and makes a point not to use any green. But she can’t help but think that it would look really nice with green accessories.

Why is she like this?

If any of her coworkers notice that she’s a little off, no one says anything. They probably don’t, they’re all drowning in anxiety as they rush to finish this line, but Marinette can’t help but worry a little whenever she catches herself staring off into the distance thinking about his smile.

Eventually, she gives in and pulls out her phone, texting Alya quickly. She should’ve told Alya yesterday at lunch. It probably would’ve turned out better.

From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful Sos I need help

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess babe arent u in work??? but as always im here to help and fix everything

From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful Theres a guy and hes cute

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess idk what i was expecting but it wasnt that

Marinette resists the urge to bang her head against her worktable. She just needs one rant to Alya and hopefully all this will be over. She’ll get over this tiny infatuation and move on with her life. And stop thinking about his gorgeous green eyes and how he’d stared at her when—

Her phone vibrates with a new message and breaks her out of her daydream.

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess k so theres a guy how can i help

From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful Good question I jsut?? Cant stop thinking about him????

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess oh wow how come ive never heard about this guy??

From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful Um… I met him yesterday???

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess girl

From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful I know I know!!! We ran into each other Literally And he was tall and blond and pretty and was wearing this gorgeous black trenchcoat but thats off topic and he had this cat that for some reason was all sparkly??? And his eyes were nice and I dont even know his name and Im going to stop talking and just send this message so you can judge me

Marinette puts her phone down and focuses on her job for a few minutes. Alya will still be there when this hem is done. She’s surprised to find herself in the zone and is even to ignore a few vibrations from her phone as she stitches. But it’s not meant to last, because as soon as she finishes the hem, she’s reaching to reply.

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess oh girl uve got it bad for a complete stranger!!!!! im not gonna judge i find random people hot all the time but im not usually this…….fixated on them

From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful Just do it al Call me creepy

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess ur a beautiful tropical fish mari u poetic and noble land mermaid ur not creepy ur in love

From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful You cant be in love with someone you just met Alya!!!!!!!!

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess tell that to cinderella!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful Plot twist this is real life al not an animated disney movie I cant fall in love with someone I met ONCE

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess not with that attitude

From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful Oh my god Look I dont even know his name

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess so we make up a name!! lets see……… ive got it chat noir ur prince is named chat noir

From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful Excuse me

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess he has a cat he wore black chat noir

From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful Youre truly the voice of our generation

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess ;* k i have to get back to work and i kno u do too (smh using me to procrastinate how dare u (ilysm)) but ill call u later u me and nino can freak out about cute boys k??

From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful Sounds great Thanks <3

From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess of course darling!! have fun with ur fashion ill hear u yell later

Marinette puts her phone away. She can last until tonight. Right?

Thank god it’s Friday.

✦ ✦ ✦

By the time her lunch break comes around, Marinette has been productive enough that she could’ve stayed home and the results would’ve been the same. She shouldn’t be letting something so trivial get in the way of her actual paying job, but apparently she has no control over her own thoughts.

Marinette seriously debates taking the rest of the day off (because that’s really what she’s come to) but acknowledges that, no, that’s a bad idea. She’s an adult with deadlines and will get over it and be productive for the rest of the day.

She does go home for lunch, though. She has leftover takeout in her fridge and an episode of a random TV show to finish. She had stopped paying attention at some point to focus on her designs, but she had been weirdly invested in the over dramatic characters and cliche plotline.

Marinette is digging through her bag looking for her keys when she hears the door next to her unlocking. She freezes, eyes wide, as the door swings open.

Her neighbor hums to himself as he closes and locks the door behind him. He doesn’t even notice she’s there until he turns around and they make eye contact and Marinette goes redder than last winter’s avant garde piece.

“H-hi,” she stutters, clutching her keys tightly in her hand. She can feel the ridges of the key biting into her palm.

He blinks a few times before turning pink. “Oh my god,” he whispers, “you’re the one I completely knocked over and then ran away from yesterday.”

Marinette laughs awkwardly. “Yeah, that was… That was me.”

He rubs the back of his neck. “I-I am so sorry. I really, I just— I had to go grab Plagg before he vanished on me and I wasn’t thinking and then when I got back you were gone and—”

“It’s fine!” Marinette interrupts. At least she’s not the only mess in this hallway. “Plagg?”

“My cat,” he answers.

She raises an eyebrow. “The…sparkly one?”

“Um…” He sighs. “Okay, so I might’ve used a bath bomb and I might’ve forgotten to rinse out the bathtub and Plagg might have gotten into it and might’ve rolled around in the glitter.” He looks away. “So my black cat might’ve been gold.”

Marinette covers her mouth with her hand to stifle a laugh.

“He’s fine!” her neighbor insists. “He got a bath and is hopefully completely glitter free now and also that glitter is made of seaweed so… He’s fine. Sorry for knocking you over.”

“No harm done,” Marinette promises.

His eyes go wide. “I just realized, I’ve been rambling on about my cat and you don’t even know my name.” He holds his hand out to her. “I’m Adrien. I’ve lived in the building for a few months I just…never got around to introducing myself to anyone.”

Marinette smiles and shakes his hand. At least she can tell Alya they don’t have to call him Chat Noir. “Marinette. It’s nice to meet you. And your cat.”

“Nice to meet you too.” Adrien lets go of her hand and she mourns the loss of contact. Pathetic. “I have to run to the store, but maybe I’ll see you around later?”

Marinette nods. “Y-yeah, definitely.”

He shoots her a dazzling smile that melts her heart. “See you then.”

She stares at him until he disappears into the stairwell and continues to stare until the echoes of his footsteps fade. The she opens her apartment door and nearly collapses inside.

She’s going to be lucky if she makes it back to work in time.

✦ ✦ ✦

“Alright,” Alya says, pouring herself a glass of wine. “I’ve filled Nino in on the little situation and we are ready to yell about our tall, blond, and handsome Chat Noir.”

“You better be pouring me some of that,” Nino says from offscreen.

Marinette resizes her Skype window as Alya scoots over so Nino can sit next to her. Alya hands Nino the wineglass. “Here you go, babe.”

Nino takes it. “Are you not going to need another glass?”

Alya picks up the bottle. “Nothing wrong with drinking straight from the bottle.”

Nino shakes his head. “Anyway, tell us everything, Mari. I want to know it all.”

Marinette pulls her legs up onto the couch and crosses them. “Well…there was actually a development.”

Alya and Nino exchange a look.

“Tell me everything,” Alya says.

“Right, so remember when my neighbor moved out a few months ago?” Marinette asks.

They both nod.

Nino shudders. “Thank god too, I hated that dude. He was a massive dick.”

“Okay, well, then that new neighbor moved in and I never had time to meet them?” They nod again. Marinette takes a deep breath. “I just met him.”

Nino groans and Alya buries her face in her hands.

“He’s your fucking neighbor?” Nino asks. “That’s just—”

“You could’ve been gawking him for months!” Alya interrupts throwing her arms out.

“I just—”

“Wait, how have you never run into him before?” Nino asks. “Does he never leave the house?”

Marinette shrugs. “We must have very different schedules.”

Alya sighs. “And this isn’t fanfiction. People don’t just knock on their neighbor’s door asking for a cup of sugar.”

“His name is Adrien and his smile is like the sun,” Marinette waxes, sinking back into the couch. “He likes bath bombs and has a black cat named Plagg and when he blushes he turns the most perfect shade of pink.” She tenses. “I mean—” She glances to her laptop to see Alya and Nino watching her with fond smiles and soft eyes. Marinette looks away, feeling her cheeks grow hot. “Shut up,” she mumbles.

“It’s cute,” Nino promises.

“It is,” Alya agrees. “We haven’t seen you like this in years, Mari. It’s adorable. You’re adorable.”

Nino hums in agreement. “Though it sucks that we can’t keep calling him Chat Noir. I like the nickname.”

Alya scoffs. “Who said I was going to stop calling him Chat Noir? But…” She pulls out her phone. “With a real name, I can stalk him on social media.”

“Please don’t,” Marinette begs.

“Please do,” Nino counters, leaning closer to Alya to see the screen of her phone.

“Nino!”

“Hey! I want to see if this dude is as hot as you say he is.”

Marinette raises an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, are you doubting my judgement?”

Nino shakes his head. “Never. But if he is that hot, I still want to see him.” “I know you have a girlfriend, but I’ve still got dibs.”

“I’d leave Alya if he were hot enough.”

Alya grabs a pillow and smacks Nino in the face with it without even looking away from her phone screen.

Nino laughs and shoves the pillow away. “I love you, Al, I swear.”

“Mhm.” Alya frowns at her phone. “Okay, Mari, just ‘Adrien’ isn’t enough for me to find him—”

“Shocking,” Marinette murmurs.

“Shush I’m doing you a favor. With any luck he’ll be tweeting about how drop dead gorgeous his neighbor is or something. But anyway, I need you to get me some details. A last name would be preferable. But even like a place of work or a school would work.”

“Creepy,” Nino says before taking a long drink of his wine.

“And yet you date me anyway,” Alya muses. She looks up and stares Marinette down. “Last name, Marinette. Got that?”

Marinette nods. She’s going to have to find some non creepy way to do this, isn’t she? “Got it.”

✦ ✦ ✦

Marinette doesn’t wake up until ten in the morning, but she still wakes up exhausted. She stayed up far too late talking to Nino and Alya, Alya still trying to find some trace of Adrien on the internet as Nino and Marinette talked about anything and nothing at all. It’s been a few weeks since the three of them just talked like that, their lives are a hectic disaster, and Marinette’s missed it. They’ve been best friends for years and she definitely misses seeing them every single day at school.

She sings softly to herself as she wanders around the apartment, opening windows to let air in. It’s a surprisingly warm day for late fall, and she’s embracing every minute of warmth that she can.

Today’s a lazy day. She’s decided.

She’s meeting up with Nino and Alya later tonight for dinner and a movie at their apartment, but until then she can just lounge around in her pajamas and watch bad reality TV. Honestly, she’ll probably show up to their place in pajamas too. Not that they can judge, Marinette knows for a fact that Nino doesn’t change out of his sweats if he has a day off.

Marinette stops in her tracks when she reenters her bedroom. She blinks a few times, just to make sure she’s seeing right.

On her window sill naps a black cat, glittering slightly golden in the morning sun.

#adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #adrienette #miraculous ladybug #ml fanfic #my fics #proc ml #prince of cats ml

195 notes · View notes

arthurflecksgirl · 5 years ago

Text

Arthur Fleck fanfiction “Reflections” part 1-3

Some sweet, soft Arthur Fleck fanfiction.

I hope you enjoy it :)

...

Reflections

Cold floor, shaking hands and soaked clothes. I’m not sure what got me here. I’m lying on the ground in a city that feels awkwardly strange to me. Loud and dusty. Strangers are passing me by without taking notice. I try to stand up. Look around, rubbing my eyes. The headlights hurt my eyes. All those skyscrapers make the sky seem so tiney, like its getting smaller and tighter everytime I Iook up. There is a lack of space. A lack of warmth. I’m freezing as I stay up, trying to remember how I got here. Nothing. I feel like a sleepwalker as I cross a road named Anderson avenue. I just wanna get away from the crowds. All those strangers who don’t even look at me. Am I even there? Am I hallucinating? A long, grey stair appears in front of me and it feels real as I get up. Cuz I feel the burning pain in my bones. Step for step. I’m heavy breathing as I make it to the top. All I can think of is to find a place to rest. An open door, so I can hide from the cold.

I got lucky. The postman just left an door open and I find myself in an kinda wrecked building. You can hear people arguing behind closed doors and it smells like the windows heaven’t been open for weeks.

I’m not sure what I hope to find but a place to spent the night would be helpful since I lost my memory. There is an elevator. Maybe I could hide in it. I enter it and decide to go up. More people fighting and funny smells. I bet most people here wish to live somewhere else. This place drains the life out of you. But I’m too tired to care. I just wanna take a nap and tomorrow I will find out how I’d gotten here.

And there is it. Right in front of me. An open door. No noises. Maybe no one’s home? But why’s the door open?

“Hello? Excuse me, is someome home? You left your door open“ . No one is answering. So I take a slow step through the door into a cosy apartment. It looks like it has been stuck in the 80ies. The furniture looks used but nice. Someone left the light on. I lie down at the beige couch. Surely the people who live here will be back soon. The old,woody furniture ,the pictures on the walls and the TV tells me it must be an old lady living here. So I will tell her the truth and hope she lets me rest for the night.

I grab myself a pillow. Looks like someone sleeps on the couch. The pillow smells nice. A mixture of Prell shampoo, cocoanut, cigarettes and a bit of sweat. Not like an old lady at all. What if this couch belongs to someone else? I drift away in daydreams. Not really asleep, not fully awake. Suddenly I feel like I have been here before. Like I have slept here before. The comfort of the blankets. The scent of them. It feels familiar. My eyes are closing. Finally.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?“ Am I still asleep? “Hello? Can you hear me?“ The voice of a man wakes me from the strangest dream. “Ms.?“ His voice sounds soft. Shy even. I open my eyes. The beauty I see is running through my veins. The most intense eyes I have ever seen are piercing me with curiousity. Green, with tiney sparkles of deep blue. I linger on them, then notice a unique formed nose which leads to a beautiful scar on his thin lips. I cannot take my eyes off it. It makes him look a bit unpredictable. Wild. Sexy. He looks confused. “Ms.? Wat are you doing at my apartment?“ Now I remember. I overslept at a strangers home. The one living here must be him. That scent. I look at him, unable to reply something. His appearance overwhelms me. He’s obviously nerveous. His hands in his neck long, brown, greasy hair. Which gives him an kinda innocent contrast to his slightly dangerous expression. “I..I’m sorry. I have to leave“ I hasitate as I stay up so fast I get dizzy. “I woke up in the streets and didnt knew where I was or how did I got here. I just wanted to close my eyes for a sec and the door was open. And…“ my heart rages. Will he get angry? Call the police? “Sir, I am so sorry I …“ “ Shhh“ he says “Don’t be. Its okay. I belive you. Sometimes I dont know where to go,too. Sit down and relax. I’ll get some coffee.“ I cannot belive my eyes as he goes to the kitchen and comes back with two cups that say “Live at the Murray Franklin show“. Isnt that show from the 80ies,too? “Here is your coffee. Now tell me how you think you got here. I’m Arthur Fleck.“

Arthur Fleck. What a name. There is something about the sound of it. I cannot even tell what it is. He takes a sip of his coffee. Just one sip before putting a cigarette between his lips. “Want one?“ he asks. “No thanks, I dont smoke“.

I notice a whole bunch of medication on the table. It has his name on it. For a second I am worried he caughts me staring at it but he is about to turn on the tv. “Do you like the Murray Franklin show?“ he asks while taking an old VHR out of the piled up casettes and pushes it into the player. “I have never seen it“ “You never watched the Murray Franklin show?“ he sounds kinda disappointed. “Well, I barely know shows from the 80ies“ “ What do you mean?“ This gets more and more confusing. Eveything here feels like I have been thrown back into a time I wasnt even born. Am I still asleep on the couch?

I’m unsure of whats real anymore. All I can focus on is this stanger that sits down beside me. I can smell his brown sweater, the same scent that lulled me to sleep when I crawled up under that blankets.

“You gotta watch it with me. It’s so good“ he says focusing on a grey haired man in his late 60ies on the monitor. I still focus on his hair, which slightly curles up behind his neck. I caught myself thinking about touching it. But I don’t dare to move. “Thats Murray himself“ he says “I look up to him, you know? He’s a great guy“ His voice brings me back from my fantasy. I turn my head to the tv. “Oh so thats what it says on your mug? You must be a huge fan then?“ “ I am“ he nodds. “Its my life long dream to be on the show. I do stand up comedy.“

He smiles at the man on the monitor like he knows him. Like he means something to him. It seems like he is lost in his thoughts while watching Murray making jokes. I bet he doesnt even notice the way I continue staring at him. Everytime Murray makes a joke he smiles in such a soft way it almost hurts me inside. There is something so fragile about his smile. Something sad. Lonely even. I wanna ask him if he lives alone here. Still wondering why the apartment looks like an old ladys home. “Do you live alone? “ “No “ he replies “I actually live with my m-mother.She’s at the hospital right now. She’s very sick. I take care of her as good as I can“ “Oh I see.I hope she will feel better soon“. His smile is gone. I feel guilty, regretting my question about him living alone. Now he looks even sadder than before. I would love to give him a hug. He looks like someone who heaven’t been hugged in a long time. Someone who lacks love. Everything about him is fragile. The way he moves, the way his clothes look way too baggy on his tiney body. He doesn’t talk much. But his body language is undeniable.

"Do.do you want something to eat?" he asks. "You must be hungry." I smile at him "Yeah, well, that would be really nice". He gets in the kitchen which is just right beside the living room and opens the fridge. I caught myself staring at him again, I feel kinda bad about it but i just cant help it. There is something so hyptotizing about the way he moves So graceful, even though his way of walking looks sad and lonely. Even here in his own apartment, he seems like he doesnt belong here. Like we`re both strangers and just got here. He still stares into the fridge like he is waiting for something. I`m not sure but I could swear his eyes are about to tear up for a second. Maybe his fridge is empty and he is embarressed about it. He looks like heasn`t eaten proberly for a long time.

"Um.. well....I`m so, so sorry...what was your name again? he mumbles.

My name. I panik for a second. I dont even remember my name.

"I don`t remember. I dont know what happenend to me or how I got here. What kinda city is this anyway?"

I feel tears coming up. Afraid of what is happening to me.

He hesitates and comes back with a bowl of oat meal, handing me a spoon.

"I`don`t have much to eat here right now since my mum`s at the hospital. I don`t eat much. I`m so sorry, I..."

I take the bowl in my hands "Its okay, don`t be sorry. I just worry about you. I mean, you gotta eat,too."

"Yeah... well I try but mostly I feel sick because of my..." he looks at the piled up medication on the table and swallows hard. "Its okay, you dont have to talk about it"

Now he looks at me. He can see the almost dried tear running down my cheek "Oh no, don`t cry. It must be horrible to lose your memory but I will take care of you till you know where you live and who you are. I promise". Now he smiles. So soft. Childlike even. Nothing dangerous about him anymore.

Its funny that he says he is going to take care of me. Cuz when I loo at him all I wanna do is look after him. He needs someone. The guy doest even have soething to eat at home.

I`m starting to eat the oat meal "You`re so nice, I dont know what to say"

"We`ll get something to eat soon. I`m gonna get paid tomorrow.

"Oh right, you said you do stand up comedy?"

"I do. But till i`m ready for the big clubs I make my money as a party clown"

I let that sink in.

A party clown. I try to imagin him in Clown clothes. A painted on smile. A wig. Its almost impossible to me to picture him being a clown.

"Look" he grabs my hand. My heart jumps in my chest. The touch of his hand as unexpected. His Touch is strong but gentle as he brings me to a make up table "Thats where I put my make up on. usually I get ready for work at Ha Ha`s. They got even bigger mirrors and all but sometimes I put it on at home,too. Most of the things are my mums stuff but she doesnt use it anymore."

A green,curly wig is lying on the floor. "Oh I see you noticed my wig. Thats my hair, you know when I`m Carnival. Thats my clown name at work." He lets go of my hand now. It feels bad. I want him to hold it longer. He brushes his hair back with his fingers now.

"Since you don`t know your real name anymore, we should give you one" he`s touching the make up on the table like he has never seen it before.

"You can name me whatever you want"

Did I said that out loud? I cant help but thinking this sounded strange. But he doesnt seem to notice how awkward it sounded to me.

"We should call yo kitten" he nods "I dont know why but I like that name and it suits you"

I can feel my blood rushing to my hear. "Youre making me blush"

He smiles only for a second but I noticed.

"Its a good name" he says.

For a minute we`re just standing there looking at each other.

I´m not sure what to do. I never felt this way before.

"I can could get my clown make up on at home tomorrow morning before I go to work. so you can see it"

"That would be great"

"I will, you can watch me while I put it on. Sometimes its fun, you know? I mean I love my job. Making the kids smile.I wanna bring joy to everyone. But its difficult with adults. I guess they don`t think i´m very funny" he lets go of the make up box he was holding. "

"I`m sure you are very funny, Arthur" I say. Not sure if i belive in my own words. Still I cant imagin him being a clown that cheers you up. He seems way too lost inside of his own kinda sadness to be a party clown.All I want is to take that sadness away. I am actualy more worried about him as i am about my own condition.

The thought of spending another night here makes me all fuzzy. More nights even. I wonder if he will sleep in the other room. Of course he will. How can I even think of something else. What are my thoughts doing? I can`t stop thinking about how it would be to sleep right next to him. To watch him sleep. His sad face, his sad beautiful face. I would wait till he is fully asleep and get so close to him i could smell his hair. I would crawl under his blanket so carefully,he wouldnt wake up from it and lay my arm around him, so I could feel him breathe. Touch his fragile, tiney shoulders with my shaking fingers and get my lips so close to his, I could almost feel his scar.

"C`mon" his voice woke me from my daydreams.

"I`ll get you something to eat, I feel lke I treat you bad as my guest"

He gets his keys as I stand up. "We could get some Donuts. There is a pretty good Donut shop, I went there from time to time. Gives me space to think."

I love the idea of going out with him, so I nod and find myself out on the street a minute later. The same street I woke up in. Noisy and dirty. You can tell its a bad neighborhood. The kind of place you wouldnt dare to walk along as soon as it has gotten dark. I check my pockets for anything. There is nothing in it. Where is my purse? My ID? So I could find out who I am. Kitten. I`,m Kitten now. Which should alarm me but somehow I feel save around him, even though he is a total stranger to me. He doesnt feel like one. He feels like the warm center of a cold city. An anchor to hold on to, yet so fragile himself.

He does a little dance move as we arrive at the Donut shop. They are playing Frank Sinatra and he seems to enjoy it very much. He chooses the last table in the corner. Blue lights are shining from the windows. There is only one more old men sitting on the other side of the room. Its nice but it kinda looks like a place for the forgotten. The girl who is working there comes up to our table, she keeps looking down "Have you descited on your order yet?"

We order some Donuts and coffee. he keeps moving his shoulders to the music playing. "You`re a fan of Sinatra" I ask. "Yeah, he`s great. Musc was always a huge part of my life. I dance from time to time but, oh well, no, thats embarrassing"

"No its not. i would like to see it some day"

"Oh i don`t think i can do that in front of people" he coveres his face behind his hands. "I just do it when I´m home alone or my mum is asleep. I dont even know why I tell you about it. Its really embarrassing. Trust me, it is"

He keeps on surprising me. The party clown job, the dances,... he`s gotta have a different side you wouldnt expect. I get more and more curious about him, his life. I wanna be a part of it. For a second I didnt even care about what my life usd to be anymore. t feels like I was brought here for a reason. That it wasnt just an accident to lose my memory. Maybe we were ment to met.

"Are you thinking about how I look while dancing?" he asks.

I can`t help but laugh "No. No I just...nevermind"

"Of course not. Why would you even think about that. i´m sorry". He looks down at his coffee playing with the spoon. "No, thats not what i meant. Of course I would think about you dancing... I mean you´re really..." I stop. i was about to say that he is sexy.

He looks up. Looks me right in the eyes. My got, his eyes hit me like a wave of emotions.

He isnt smilin just staring at me, deeply as I hold my breath. Neighter of us is saying a word. its the kind of silence you can feel with your whole body. Just like I can feel his presence with my whole body.

I need to break the silence.

"So you come here often"

"Sometimes. But its much better to have someone by my side. Like now. Usually i come here alone" he sips on his coffe and lights a cigarette. He didn`t even touched his Donuts yet. "Well, always to be honest".

i nod. Kinda worried to say something wrong. "Thats a shame. You shouldnt be alone all the time". I wonder if I had friends back when I still knew who I was. Did I have a social life or was I just as lonely as Arthur? Maybe we have much more in common as I think. Maybe I was sitting alone in sad Coffee shops,too.

"yeah, well, everytime I try to make people smile they just won`t. People tend to avoid me a lot. Sometimes when I lie in bed at night" he leans over to me, whispering "I wonder if I even really exist". His face just got darker within a second. "Like I´m not really a person , you know? Arthur Fleck is just an idea someone made up in his mind. And I am the ghost of this illusion."

I feel my body tense up a little. You can tell he isnt kidding.

His face gets back to how it was before. Shy and tired. Tired of life.

"I`m sorry. You must think there is something wrong with me. I dont want to scare you. Thats what I always do. I always screw things up."

"No you don`t. I mean, thats like a really interesting thought actually. Questioning your very own existence. Its clever if you ask me". The hint of a smile is crossing his lips "You think so? My social worker doesn`t. At least I can`t imagin she does think its clever. She won`t pay attention to me anyway. Its ironic isnt it? I tell her I doubt if I even exist and she ignores me" he blows the smoke out of his mouth, shaking his head.

"Sounds like your social worker isn' t very good in her job"

"She isn`t. I go there to get my medication and I talk to her anyway. I dont want my mother to worry about me, so I cannot talk about my feelings when she is around. "

"You can talk to me" I say. " Thats so nice of you. You`re the first person who is that nice to me. I don`t know what to say."

"Life has treated you badly, Arthur, right?" he stares at his untouched Donut without saying anything. I touch his hand, which is lying on the table. I put my hand on his. Not saying a word. And i am sure his eyes are watering a bit while I stroke his arm.

"You look tired Arthur,do you want to go home?"

"Yeah" his little voice.

I call the waitress. A young girl with hair as red as a flame.

"Thats 14 Dollars please"

Arthur pulls out his worn out purse and gets nerveous. His hands start to shake a little.

I feel bad for him. I realize he couldnt afford this.He pulls out six Dollars, coughing.

The girl`s starting to look annoyed "Eight more Dollars please,sir" she says.

Now he starts searching in his pockets. Pants. Jacket. Nothing. Only more cigarettes and a card, but I can`t tell whats written on it.

"Sir?"

And all of the sudden Arthur starts to press his hands against his mouth. Hard. And he starts laughing. A laugh i never heard before. I`ve never seen before. Agressive and uncontrollable. His lips hidden behind his hands, coughing. I start to realize there is pain in his eyes. he actually looks like he is crying so hard it hurts his insides.

The waitress looks even more annoyed. I ´m alost sure I can hear her say "Not again" as she takes a deep breath.

Arthur seems to try to stop laughing, shaking his head. But he can`t. he`s gasping for air.

"Arthur! Are you okay?" I ask " Can i do something for you?" he`s shaking his head, tears in his eyes, heavy breathing as he hands me his card.

"Forgive my laughter. i have a condition. More on back."

I flip the card around.

"Its a medical condition, causing sudden, frequent and uncontrollable laughter that doesnt match how you feel. It can happen in people with a brain injury or certain neurological conditions. Thank you! Kindly return the card."

Before I even have a chance to give him the card back, the waitress takes it out of my hand. Reading it. "What is this shit. Are you serious? Is this how u try to get away without paying?" Arthur still gasping for air.

Now she hands me the card " Will you please pay the rest?"

"I:m sorry. i lost my purse and..."

"Of course you did. Look. Grab your weirdo by the hand and get the hell out of here. You can come back and pay the rest tomorrow. Now please go."

I hesitate, grabbing his Donuts. " Can`t you read? He has a condition."

"He`s obviously got a lot of problems" the red haired girl turns away " Having some lunatic here on the table, talking to himself for hours every week isnt what we ask for."

I can feel the anger raising in my guts. But I´ll try to calm down. I dont want to cause him any more discussion. " C´mon Arthur, we`re going to your place now".

His laughing seems to slowly stop as he puts the card back in his pocket.

We don`t talk as we walk back into his apartment. We`re just holding hands, which says enough for now.

Some minutes later I find myself on the couch again. Arthur s in the kitchen crashing some meds, putting them into a bowl of oath meal, heading back to me on the couch.

"Did I scare you away?"

"No, why would you think that?"

"i dont know" he`s eating half of the bowl, puts the rest away.

"Does it happen a lot?"

"Kinda. Mostly when I feel very uncomfortable in social situations. I know it scares people a lot. But I...i can`t do anything about it. I just dont want you to be scared of me"

"I´m not, Arthur. Don´t worry about that. I couldn never e scared of you. I know that we just met but...I really like you a lot. I feel save around you."

"You feel save around me?" he doesnt belive me. "Why?"

"I pull on his jacket, which he is still wearing, so he can take it off.

"I just do"

"Kitten, I feel like I can tell you all my secrets. Like I can tell you anything. I never speak to anyone this way. But with you I feel like I can"

"How do you cope with all those emotions without ever talking about it?"

He stand up, walks to the table and gets back with a journal.

"I keep my thoughts private in my journal. Sometimes my social worker looks at it but she barely really reads something. Its also my joke diary. I use it for anything that comes to my mind. Do you wanna read it? I cant belive I ask you that but... i want you to. I want you to know how I feel"

I`m flattered by him. This must be really private and he wants me to read his diary? Maybe I am not the only one feeling this connection. Maybe we truly feel for each other. Maybe I could watch him sleep tonight.

"You could read me something out of your diary. I dont feel comfortable with reading it by myself."

"I could do that" he nods, skipping through the pages like he is regretting it already.

"Here is a joke, are you ready?"

"Sure" I put my hand upon his knee as he starts reading.

"What did the crazy man say to the straight jacket? Loosen up a little"

He skips more pages, doesnt even look if I was smiling.

"Imagin your whole life ends on a sidewalk..." he stops.

"You know what? This was a bad idea, I am so sorry. I really wanted to show you but my thoughts are just nonesense."

He throws his diary back on the desk, putting on some music. The moon is a silver dollar comes up. "Stand up,Kitten" he takes me by the hands and starts to dance with me. In this dark but cosy room. He really is a good dancer. You can tell he`s got music inside of him. "Arthur, you`re a really good dancer". He smiles "I know". He pulls me closer. I lay my head upon his chest. Take a deep breath of his brown sweater. He´s not much taller than me, so my head is close to his well defined chin. I can feel him pressing me against him. So carefully but still close enough to tell he wants me to stay in this position. And god I want to stay in it. My hands are pressed on his back. I can feel his bones through the sweater, thats how skinny he is. I never want this moment to end. The way his body moves to the song draws me in. I get lost in the motion of his movements, we become one movement. And even this isnt close enough. I need to feel his naked skin on mine. I need to inhale his breath. To taste his lips. His embrace loosens up. He is twisting me around in circles. Laughing. Not the kinda laugh that seems hurtful. A real laugh. I think this is the first time he looks happy to me. Real happiness. Is it because of me?

"Thank you for that special moment,Kitten. I usually dance with my mother only. You really make me smile. So, do you wanna watch a movie or something? I got some very funny Charlie Chaplin movies, you might enjoy..."

"Sure"

We watch his fave movies all day long. We dont talk much. Just sitting beside each other on the couch. Sometimes he puts his hand on mine but only for a moment. He seems real shy. Like he doesnt know if he is allowed to touch me. Oh he is allowed. Everything in me screames for him to touch me. But I never got it on with a stranger and it makes me feel confused. Is he only being shy or doesnt he want me the way that I want him?

He`s really into those movies. He pay attention to every detail. Sometimes he gives me comments about how the movie has been made. He seems very passionate about this, which I love.

After hours of watching Chaplin he looks even more tired than before.

"Do you want to go to bed?" he asks. "If you want. I could get some sleep,too."

"Do you want to sleep on the couch?"

There it is. The question.

"Yeah"

I said yeah. Why did I say that? Well, he is offering me the couch, I cant just go and tell him No I want to fall asleep beside you and tocuh your face while you`re dreaming. Cant I?

"Alright. So U got all the blankets and pillows there and ...good night, Kitten. If you need something just wake me, i`m right here"

"Good night Arthur"

He leaves the door open. I lay down and stare at the ceiling. Unable to find sleep. He is sleeping in the other room. I could just walk in and lay down beside him and... No I can`t do that. He`ll wake up and think i´m a stalker.

I lay here for a good hour till I hear his steps towards me.

"K-Kitten?"

He is wearing underwear only. His tiney body right in front of me. His hair messy and curly from tossing around in his bed.

"Yes?"

"My insomnia is getting bad again. I cannot find any sleep. Do you wanna crawl up under my blanket? I mean, only if you want , there is enough space for the two of us and..."

Thats it. I cannot behave myself anymore. I stand up, fully awake and grab his beautiful face. He`s just standing there, with his hands hanging down on him, as I press my lips gently against his scar. It tastes like cigaretttes but there is also a different taste i cannot describe. Him.

I touch the scar gently with my tongue, my left hand on his cheekbones.He still isnt moving. Like he´s frozen. He closes his eyes, so I can see his long eyelashes which protect those green eyes like a curtain. I can feel his breath on my face as I stop for a second to look at his face. He`s still doing nothing. I kiss him one more time,let my tongue find its way in his mouth. Now he presses me against him like when we were dancing but one of his hands are lying gently in my neck now. I can tell that his hand is shaking. He is nerveous, doesnt know what to do. But then he is kissing me back. Slow but harder now. Still very unsure of himself. Kissing him feels like heaven. His shyness turns me on even more.

My hands are on his chest now. I can feel his heart beating fast. Its cute that I make him that nerveous. He seems so pure. I just want more of him.

He opens his eyes as our kiss is done. Smiling in the softest way" I`ve never been with a woman b- before. “

I push him gently into the bedroom as my hands are all over him.

" Do you enjoy it, Arthur"

"Oh yeah, I have dreamed about this for so long" he touches my hair, the back of my head, my shoulders. I kiss him again. This time he kisses me right back. He has never been kissed before. My hands are in his hair, the curls I wanted to touch since I came here. They feel so good between my fingers. Kinda greasy but so damn good.

We get up on the bed and crawl under the blankets. I take my shirt off cuz I know he`s too shy to undress me. I slip under the blanket and we cuddle up, skin on skin. He crawls up and lays his head upon my lap, closing his eyes as I stoke his hair with my fingers.

"Please stay" he whispers.

"I´m not going anywhere, Arthur. I will never leave you alone"

---to be continued---

Part2

The pressuer of his head upon my lap feels very intimate. Everything with him feels imtimate. His hair soft an fluffy between my fingers. He really seems to enjoy it. He craves intimacy, like someone who has never known it. His hands are not touching me he just relaxes in my arms, breathing slowly, a hint of a smile on his face but still oh so sad in his expression.

"Kitten?"

"Yes, Arthur?"

"That was my first kiss. I bet you can tell. I know I´m bad at it"

"You`re not,Arthur. It was wonderful to feel your lips on mine"

"Really?"

"Yeah"

He smiles "I never dated anyone in my whole life. People think I`m weird because of that. I mean I´m already over 30 and... I have no experience"

"His eyes are still closed while he is telling me this. I think its kinda cute that he is such a shy guy, but I just know his lonelyness was causing this, which makes me sad at the same time.

"I was about to kiss a girl in my early twenties" he says "But I ended up laughing right at her face, because I got scared and she thought I was laughing at her. She slapped me and left.I never had the guts to try it ever again after this"

"Oh Artie..."

"It feels good you know? Feeling your skin on mine"

"I know" I whisper in his ear

He drifts away, falling asleep.

I watch him sleep, just like I imagined it.

And its even more wonderful as it was in my imagination.

Seeing him so peaceful makes me happy inside. He derves this moment. He deserves to be loved. I can`t wait to hear more of his stories. Even if most of them will be sad, its part of him. Of his life. And I wanna know everything about him. I wann know his thoughts, his deepest desires, his secrets,...

I wanna drown in his mind, which seems to be mysterious, even to himself.

I wanna listen to him for hours, nights,...help him with his problems. Take some weight off of his shoulders.

And I want to touch every inch of his body. Kiss all of his fears and doubts away, till he becomes a confident person. Till he knows that he is loved. I want to be all over him and feel him inside of me.

But for now... I`ll watch him dream. And think about what tomorrow might bring...

Somewhere between watching him sleep and petting his hair I must have been fallin to sleep myself. His head is still lying on my lap as I wake up, a smile on his face. He moves a bit, now opening his eyes "Kitten?"

"Good mornng, Arthur"

" You`re still there" he says "It wasnt just a dream"

"Of course I am"

His hand is touching my leg like he wants to consider himself that I am not a dream.

"Is this, is this real?"

"It is" I whisper "Why would you think its not?"

He gets up, sitting on the bed now, his arms pulling his knees close to his body.

"I don`t know... sometimes I tend to dream a lot , you know? Some days the loneliness gets so painful I just drift away in daydreams. Dreams in which there is someone by my side. Someone who truly cares about me. Touches me. I got pretty good at it over the years. There were times I even felt their arms around me. Heard their voices in my head."

"Oh Arthur... I dont know what to say"

"Deep down I always knew that I was still alone" he pulls his legs even closer to his body, his eyes watering.

It hurts me to imagin him being lonely all his life. No one taking care of him. His mother seems to seek help herself. I bet he took more care of her than she did for his son. Arthur seems to be one of the forgotten. Left behind till he even forgot that he matters himself.

"Well, those times are over now, Artie! Come on, get up, we`ll get you ready for work. You said I could watch you putting your Clown make up on in the morning, do you remember?"

His posture changes now "Oh yeah right. I will take you with me to Haha`s. So I can introduce you to my coworkers. How does that sound to you?"

"I can`t wait"

We both get out of bed, walking into the living room. He gets to the couch, lighting a cigarette while I get in the kitchen making some coffee.

"I can`t remember when I last slept as well as tonight your arms, Kitten."

I`m smiling but he cant see it.

"Usually I am wide awake for nights and nights, tossing and turning till I start to hallucinate"

He turns around, looks over at the kitchen "You calmed my mind down a lot"

"I`m heading back to the couch, handing him his coffee "Hearing this means so much to me. I feel the same with you."

His eyes go big like he was a little child, giggeling.

"Any memories coming back to you?

His question hit me in a weird way. I almost forgot about that problem in his presence. "Nothing"

"I`m sorry about that. I wish I could help you. I..I don`t know what to do. I never know what to do..."

No puppy eyes anymore. His eyes got dark within a moment. One thing I noticed about him is that his moods seem to switch within seconds.

I caught myself thinking what will happen when I got my memory back. Would he want me to leave? Go back to where I really live? Is it far from his apartment? Do I even live in this city? Is there someone worried about me right now? Did they called the police, trying to find me? All these questions make me so confused, I just wanted them to stop.

"Sometimes I dont know whatto do eighter, Arthur. But we will figure it out together. I guess there is a reason that we met"

"You think so?"

"I do. Come on, we gotta get you ready for the day" I take his hand and pull him up from the couch. You can see his ribs underneath his almost perfect looking skin. Perfect besides some remains of bruices on his shoulder, which I didnt noticed yesterday. I put my fingers gently on his bruised skin. It makes him look even more fragile as he already is.

"Did someone hurt you, Arthur?"

He looks down, putting the cigarette in the ashtray. "Oh thats nothing, nevermind" he turns around so I cant see his face. "Who did that to you?" He walks into the bathroom, looking into the mirror. The room looks very lady like with pastel colors and stuff. I follow him, watching him looking in his own kinda eyes. He loos like he is about to laugh, grabbing his throath, coghing. Pain in his eyes.

I hug him from behind to calm him down, regretting my question about his bruises. He`s still fighting not to laugh again. Gasping for air. My embrace gets tighter. His ribs are pushing against my hands. He`s shaking. I wish I knew what to do. I wanna help him but all I can do is hug him and tell him that its okay.

"Its okay, Arthur. If you need to laugh just do it. I don`t mind."

I can see his face through the mirror, his eyes are closed, a tear gets painfully pressed out of his eyelids before he turns around. He finally starts to breathe calmer again. I touch his face and kiss his tear away, tasting his salty sadness, make it my own.

"I´m gonna take a bath before I get ready" he says. His voice cracking as he takes off his underwear and gets some Prell Shampoo. I turn the water on, make it hot so his muscles will relax in a bit. The way he just took his white underwear off in front of me like it was nothing. There is something very irritating about this.

He fills an empty bottle with hot water, not looking at me. Not seeing me staring at his beautiful body. I can feel the blood rushing in my face, I think I`m gonna blush and he will see it but he doesnt notice. He acts like no one could ever find him attractive. I caught myself feeling a little bit embarressed about the fact that I get turned on right now. With his dried tears still visible on his face. I try not to let it show that all I want is to feel him all over me right now. He climbs into the bathtube, lying down. Its a very small one, even for him. He grabs the water bottle and lets the water rinse through his hair. "I can do this for you if you want?" I take the bottle out of his hand. "Sure, Kitten. Thats sweet of you".

He starts to relax as I wash his hair and massage his head with my fingers. The water starts to cover his body. His hair smooth between my fingers. I enjoy washing his hair, it feels like taking care of him and feels kinda sexy at the same time. The way he is sexy without knowing it drives me crazy inside. I`ve never been tunrned by someone this way before. My whole body is screaming for him to take me. He is just lying there in front of me, totally naked. And all I do is washing his hair. But somehow this is everything.

I´m taking my time, makig it as long as possible. I take the sponge and let it slide over his shoulders. They must really hurt. Over his arms. He is making little noises, breathing slowly. Over his chest. I knee behind his head so I can put my face close to his hair, which smells like the shampoo now but there is still that special scent that makes me go wild. I want to bury my face in his neck and breathe him in.

He seems to enjoy it but in another way as I enjoy it I guess. He seems to finally relax again. I`m just a nerveaous mess, trying not to stare down at his naked body all the time. Trying not to imagin how it would be to climb into that bathtub and seduce him. To feel his wet skin on mine, which is burning from the desire I hold for him. Suddenly he moves "Thank you, I feel a lot better now" he smiles. He wipes the wet hair from his forehead as he stays up and gets out of the bathtub. He gives me a short look. which i cannot define and goes to the bedroom to get his underwear. I can`t help but staring at his small, round butt.

Somehow he looks excited "Come on, I will show you my Carnival clothes now". He puts on a yellow vest, a striped tie, a checkered jacket and pants that have big patches on them, looking way too big on his skinny legs. The Jacket has a big, red flower on it. The kinda flower that splashes water at you I think. He finishes the look with some big but very beautiful clown shoes, which chnange the way he`s walking a lot. "Now" he gets some brushes and face paint "I will put my make up on." He puts music on "I always listen to music while I get in the mood" he says, humming to Frank Sinatra. He`s sitting in front of the mirror now, I`m standing beside him, watching him taking the biggest brush and applying the white all over his face. He looks very throughtful doing it. His eyes are staring at his reflection in such a serious way. He is questioning himself. Asking himself who he really is. I know this kind of expression because I had those thoughts before myself. He stops for a minute as his face is fully white. There is something very instense about this look. It doesnt even look like a clown. More like another version of himself. His eyes seem darker now. His expression harder to read.

He puts the brush down "You know I always wondered... is this the real me?"

I`m starting to bite my nails, not knowing what to say.

"Putting the white on is like getting rid of all the emotions you had to carry all through the day, you know? Its like you erase half of your face. Half of yourself. To paint a new you. To create whatever you want. You can become another person by getting a new face."

"Why would you get a new face, Arthur?"

"Because..." he grabs the blue color now, putting it over his eyebrows and under his eyes. "Because I got sick of the old one". He`s dead serious, making triangles around his eyes, switching to red lipstick now.

"I have never seen a more beautiful face in my life."

He smirks. Its a diferent smirk I have not seen on him before. But it could be because of the make up. He doesnt belive me.

"I´m just a face in the cowd" his fingers are holding the lipstick like there is something mystical about it. "No one ever looks at me when I`m on the streets, on the bus, in the city." He puts the lipstick to his lips. "The only time they`re taking notice is when they would beat me up. You asked me about the bruises.The truth is... I don`t remember which one of them were the ones who kicked me in the back. Could have been the teenagers two weeks ago. Or the angry man last week." His lips are burning red now.

"I was never truly happy in my life. So I dont know how it feels like to be happy. But I bet its wonderful. I bet you can feel it in your soul and with your whole body. Like a bruise. But in a good way. So, maybe I cant feel it myself but I wanna be the reason others do."

He turns around. With the biggest, reddest fake smile I have ever seen.

___ to be continued___

PART 3

There is something tragic about his wide, painted smile after what he had told me. He never felt true happiness. The moments I felt it in my life are pretty rare. I know what it feels like to not have a motivation to go on anymore, but to never experience a true moment of happiness in your whole life must be different. I cannot get his words out of my head as we leafe the house and make our way to HaHa`s. He is squeezing my hand as we walk down the streets which are full of garbage and have a bad smell to them. "What about all the piled up garbage?" I ask him. "The garbage strike. It doesnt seem to have an end. I keep on hearing it on the radio." Peple are passing us by without even looking. I thought itwould be a reason to stare at us. Me holding a guy with full clown gear on my hand. But nothing. No eye contact in any way. The people around here seem pretty strange. Ignorant. It feels like we are invisible but in a very uncomfortable way. Anyway, I really enjoy holding his hand in mine. I can tell it makes him nervous because it got sweaty the second he gabbed mine. He`s slighlty sqeeze feels so good. I realize that he is notlooking down for the whole time as he did when we first walked here. Sometimes he looks at me for a brief moment, with wide eyes and a shy smile.

"Here we are" we walked down some strairs. He looked even more nervous while knocking on the door. "They will like you very much. I just know it." he grins. But his face is freezing as son as the dorr opens. He lets go of my hand.

"Arthur! Where the fuck have you been yesterday? You`d said you`ll come back in the afternoon!"

"Hello Hoyt" he`s looking down again. Playing with his hands. "I`m... I`m very sorry.. Belive me I am" Hoyts eyes are switching between me and him. His look makes me feel like I am not welcomed here. "There...there w-was a reason I couldnt come in the afternoon." Hoyt leans against the door "So? I`m listening. What was it?" Arthur taking my hand again "This is Kitten. I mean I call her that. We are not sure about her real name but somehow she landed here in Gotham city and she don`t know how and I said she could stay and ...I didnt wanted to leave her alone, cuz I guess it must be scary to wake up and...."

"Arthur. Listen." Hoyt looks annyoed. "I am sick of your made up stories. Its good to have a strong imagination as a clown but I`m not sure about yours. Are you pissing me off again?"

Arthur swallows hard. I look at him and want to help him but I dont know what to say.

"I...no I dont want to piss anyone off. I just wanted to help her."

"Arthur. Go seek some help yourself. Come on....you don`t really think that I am going to buy the story about the memory loss, don`t you?"

I look directly into Hoyts eyes. They look angry. "Mr. Hoyt. This really happened to me and he was really sweet and gave me a place to stay. he didnt mentioned that he had to go to work again by evening. I guess he just wanted to make me feel save on my first day".

"On your first day? First day of what?" the grey haired man took a deep breath "Look, I have to pay you less now. Art, you know that, right". Arthur doesnt say anything.

Now a big, tall guy appears in the door. "Art, come on in, I just heard about your story from the other side of the room." he laughs. "So you finally getting it on with a girl, huh? " more laughter in the background. "Oh yeah, poor girl who has to deal with him though" says another voice. We`re walking into the room which is filled with mirrors, make up tables and some guys in clown clothes. Arthur looks disappointed. The big guy stopped talking for a moment when he realized I was there. He was so tall and heavy Arthur almost looked like a kid standing next to him. "Oh so he was talking about you? I see. Sorry. We`re just like to make jokes. Obviously!" he takes a red clown nose out of his pockets and put it on. I just nod. Arthur still standing there like frozen. Hoyt walks into another room, which seems to be his office. Still mumbling to himself."So your name was what? Kitten right?" laughter all across the room. "Well. Its a nickname because I don rem---" Randall slapping Arthurs arm a bit "Oh pal. A girl. I am proud of you" his voice sounds ironic as he leans over to be "How did he even managed to find a girl like you? He barely leaves the house when he isnt working. "

I give him a look "Oh dont get me wrong. I´m happy for my boy. I just hope you will stay. He is a real pain in the ass sometimes."

"I will stay". Arthurs wrapped his hands around my back as I say it and pulls me closer to him. Randall walks to the morror, grabbing some stuff "Yeah, sure. Whatever".

Arthur walks me to his make up table "Look, thats where I usually get ready for work. So much more stuff than I have at home"

"Arthur, hey" a very, very little guy, maybe half the size of Arthur walks towards us. He has a honest looking smile on his face. Not like the other ones in this room. "I just heard that you have a girlfriend now. I`m happy for you" he shakes my hand "Hello Lady. Welcome to HaHas. Make yourself at home." I feel some relief now that there is someone nice around here and sit down on Arthrs table, as he walks to his locker and pulls out some clown gear. He puts it all in a brown paper bag. You can see his brown curls peaking out on the sides of his bright, green wig. After that he walks into Hoyts office. But I cannot hear what they are talking about, the noises in the room I am in are way too loud and the radio is playing. Arthur comes out two minutes later. "So, thats all the stuff I need. Ready?" "Yeah"

We leave the bulding and the only one who said bye was the little guy named Gerry. "Today I´m working at a kids hospital. Do a little dancing and singing for them. I´m sure you can joyn. You could sing along some lines?" "Sure. I will. Arthur. I´m so sorry your boss was mad at you. It was all my fault." "No, it wasnt. He is just being Hoyt. He will always find a reason to be mad at me." Looking at him with the clown make up on makes it a lil harder to read how he feels but I can still tell he isnt smiling underneath the paint. "I have to apologise. Those guys.... they are aweful. Everyone of em besides Gerry. I dont know what I was thinking to actually belive they could be happy for me or being nice to you". He sights deeply. "They are only making fun of me." I touch his shoulder "Oh, dont worry about that. Jus forget about it. I just wish they wouldnt making fun of you". We cross the street "Well, there is nothing special about that. Everyone does". We`re barely talking for the whole time till we get to the hospital. We took a tram to get there and sat on the back of it, holding hands. "Its the same hospital my mum is in" he says as we walk through the doors "We could visit her later if you want?"

I am really excited about the fact that he wants to intruduce me to his mother. "Of course. I would love to get to know her". We get into the elevator "Great, I´m sure she will like you. She`s not like the guys at HaHas at all."

We arrive at the hospital room. The room is filled with little kids who fight against cancer. They`re faces light up when Arthur enters the room and plays music. He sings along to the songs and makes little, funny dances. He moves so differently from when he did when we danced in his living room. The kids start to sing alon with him, clapping their little hands "If you happy and you know it clap you hands.." Arthur seems like a total different person now. Like he never had a bad thought for his whole life. Like nothing could ever kill his joy. The big, paintet smile around his thin lips. The room is full of positive energy and this energy seems to leave with Arthur as well. His posture changes immediately as we walk down the hallways to get to his mothers room. He grabs his huge bag "I`m gonna go to the bathroom for a sec." Alright, I`ll wait". Three minutes later he comes out wearing his brown jacket over a white shirt. The green wig is gone. His curly hair a bit messy and sweaty, still in his clown make up. I cant help but finding this really sexy. He knocks at the door of the room his mum is in. When you watch his profile you can only see a hint of his painted on smile coming from his lips. You can tell he isnt smiling for real. His white face paint starts to come off on his forehead, the red eyebrows smeared. I know I shouldnt get turned on being at a hospital, but damn he looks like a hot mess right now. In my mind I am grabbing him and pushing him against the wall. Kissing him till his big, red smile comes off. Feeling him getting turned on by me toching him. "Come on in" a very weak voice wakes me from my fantasy as he opens the door. "Hey mum, how are you doing?" Penny tries to sit up "Happy, I waited for you to visit me" she loos at me "You have a girl with you?" Arthur smiles under his fake smile. Two big smiles. "Mother, this is ..." he looks at me, kinda nervous "...this is Kitten. She is a very nice girl. You will like het a lot". Penny is shaking my hand "Kitten. What kinda name is that? Hello dear!" "Nice to meet you Ms. Fleck. You got a very lovely son." Penny grabs her magazine, reading in it for a second, then lookng at us again. "He`s a good boy. Maybe a little sad sometimes. Maybe a little difficult to handle. But a good boy." Arthur opens his bag and hands her a paper bag with cookies "I brought you some of your favorite cookies, ma". "Thats very nice of you, Happy." Happy. She calles him Happy which is throwing me off a lot. Her voice sounds like she is saying it in a very cute way but I cant help but feeling like its a tease. Knowing his laughter is a condition, somethign that actually hurts him. Plus she even said he is sad herself like a minute ago. Arthur sits down beside her. I stand beside him. Penny looks like she has been through a lot. "How did you get to know each other" she asks lookng at me "Happy is barely leaving the house, except for going to work and to the pharmacy." "I needed help and he helped me out". "Thats great" she eats a cookie "As I said, he`s a good boy". "I let her sleep over" I am kinda surprised hearing Arthur saying this. "She didnt knew where to go so I .... offered her the couch. I slept in your bed since you are at the hospital". Penny stops eating "Happy. Do you think you can handle this?" he looks uncomfortable. "What do you mean?" "I mean..." she leans over to him, thinking I cannot hear what she is whispering "You never met with a girl before. She doesnt know about your... condition. She will think you`re weird when she finds out." "Oh don´t you worry about it, mum. She knows" he is talking, not whispering. Penny looking at me again "Really?". There is something odd about the whole situation. I`m starting to feel a lil uncomfy. It feels like he is treating him like he cannot make desicions on his own. "I really hope you can see that he`s a good boy" she is stilll smiling at me "Even if he isnt as funny as he thinks he is. " This hits me real hard. I cannot help but looking at his face after she said it. he isnt reacting to it at all. "So, mum, for how long do you think you have to stay here?" Penny continues eating her cookies " The doctor said there will be more tests and then we will see." "Alright" Arhur grabs his bag "Call me as soon as they know more." "I will. Bye Happy, by dear" we`re shaking hands again. Arthur touches her shoulder before we`re leaving the room, heading home. Arthur is laying his arm around me as we sit in the tram "Yeah...well. That was my mum" he is looking down. "She seems to be a nice lady" "Mmmhh" now he looks out the window. I cant tell what he is thinking about. His wide, big puppy eyes are watching a world which doesnt seem to care about him. Some people are looking at us. Maybe because he is still wearing his make up. Which starts to come off even more. But the blue around his eyes is still bright and in shape. He lights a cigarette as we leave the tram, walking down Anderson Ave to get to his apartment. I arrived here two days ago and it already feels like home. Even if this isnt a very save neighborhood. He feels like home to me. His arms around me. His voice. "You are the only one I feel save with, Kitten. Its like you really see me". "How could someone unsee you, Arthur?" "You would be surprised". He gets his keys, looks into the letter box. Its empty. A minute later we`re back home. He is heading to the bathroom, about to tke his make up off. I follow him. My whole body tenses up. I hope he cannot tell how excited I was to touch him for the whole day. He gets some make up remover. I grab his wrist. I didnt noticed how tiney his wrists are till now. "Don`t" I whisper. He looks surprised. "Leave the make up on" I put the remover aside as I touch his white face with my right hand. My left hand grabbing the curls behind his neck. All I can see are his green eyes piercing me with curiosity. "Leave it on for me" I alreayd feel like I am short of breath. "The whole day I couldnt think of anything else but to be with you. I mean to really be with you. To feel you all over me" Arthur is closing his eyes for a second. His perfect eyelashes blue from the face paint. Then he is pressing his lips on mine. Kissing me with a passion that really surprises me. He still seems shy but at the same time his kiss feels like he was waiting for this his whole life. Like this kiss is the fullfillment of his desires. I love the way he is holding my face in his hands now. The`re shaking a bit. I kiss him back. The taste of him and his red lipstick fill me up with excitement. His tongue is searching for mine till we find the perfect rythm. I cannot belive he never kissed someone else before. He`s so damn good at it. Like he does it with his whole body. I stop for a minute. I have to take a look at his painted face. He is gasping for air. His make up is smeared and messed up, the red almost looks like stains of blood now. Which turns me on in a weird way I never had expected. I take a quick look into the mirror. Stains of his big, red smile is all over my own face now. I kiss him again. Harder now. "K-Kitten" he stutters between the kisses "I.." "Shhhht" I say as I take off his jacket and unbotton his white shirt, which makes him look so pure. I put my finger on his smeared lips. Drawing the lines of his left make up with my fingertip. "I want you, Arthur. I want all of you". I kiss his chest as I take off his shirt,too. His ribs. I can see every one of them popping out. His hands are holding my face again. So gentle it feels like butterfly wings. "I dont know what to say?" his voice so soft, nerveaus but calm. "Just kiss me, Arthur. I need to feel you. Just take me and..." suddenly he grabs my hips and presses me against the wall. Still gentle but with a little bit more confidence. He is kissig my neck now. Rubbing his face paint off on me. White, red and blue. I can feel his leg pushing against my sensitive parts. I feel the urge to rub myself against him. His taste makes me go wild. I cannot take this anymore. I never wanted someone so much in my life. I want him whole. I want to get so close to him its not even possible. He stops kissing me, looking at me. Silence. I take his hand and lead him to the couch "Take my clothes off Arthur" I tell him as I unbotton his pants. He takes off my clothes piece by piece."I dreamed of this when I first saw you, Kitten". "Me,too Arthur." We`re both naked now. Kissing again as we fell on the couch. His brown curls between my fingers. His sad, beautiful face looking not as sad anymore. His fragile body ready to be loved. He is lying on his back. I´m lying on top of him. We`re kissing till we`re both out of breath. His hands are all over me know. His left hand seems to grab me a bit more as his really soft right hand does. I cant belive the beauty I see in front of me. He looks kinda drained but in such an attractive way. "You really turn me on, Arthur." He smiles "I do?" "Yeah." He touches the insides of my thigh. I shiver. It feels so damn good. My hand touches his belly and wanders down between his legs. Arthur moans siletly. Closing his eyes. I can see his lips shaking. He is breathing heavier now. I bend forward and breathe in the scent of his soft skin. "I want to feel you inside of me,Arthur" He pushes up against me. Holding me closer. "I want you, Kitten. I want this so much" his voice almost sounds like he is about to cry but he is smiling as we press our bodys against each other til there is not an inch left between us. I can feel him getting hard. My whole body, my mind, everything inside of me is begging him to come inside. And just as I wish it would happen. It does. Arthur is inside of me now and I never felt more love and passion in my whole life. He is kissing me while his eyes are closed. Sometimes I blink to see his beautiful face in font of mine while I feel like exploding from happiness. We´re switching positions. He`s on top of me now. I take him all in. Not only his body but his soul. His whole being. Everything he had to go through, everything that ever hurted him. It all disappears in this moment of pure happiness. "I love you, Kitten." he whispers in my ear " It feels so good.You feel so good." I`m touching his butt, let my hand wander up to his spine, pull him even closer as we both seem to explode from excitement and love.

To be continued

#arthurfleck #joker #arthur fleck fanfic #joker fanfiction #joaquinphoenix #fanfiction

33 notes · View notes

producingnct-blog · 8 years ago

Text

sometimes failure is better than success

jihoon/samuel fake dating au

requested by anon

honestly it all started in the weirdest way

jihoon had been friends for a few months when it happened

it wasn’t their fault that bae jinyoung was literally so pretty

they couldn’t keep their eyes off of him and so they bet on who would get to take him out first

(spoiler alert: none of them did)

jihoon and his group of friends, which consisted of samuel, euiwoong, seonho, gualin and hyungseob, were like the groups of friends that people see in the movies

they had lunch together everyday, they sat next to each other and they told one another everything

jihoon couldnt have asked for a better group of friends, really

but then again... he could

i mean, how was samuel considered a good friend if he insisted on crushing on the same guy as him????

jihoon didnt understand

for all everyone knew, jihoon had been crushing on jinyoung first!

he’d fallen in love as soon as they made eye contact (which in fact, did not happen bc jinyoung was always looking at the ground, but please. let jihoon be happy)

and jihoon had started talking about him to their friends just to be met with “i know right!!!”’s from samuel at everything he said

jihoon, the fucking gemini, had glared at him. “he’s mine, i saw him first.”

to which euiwoong had replied, after taking a bite of hyungseob’s sandwich. “hyung, you do realise he’s not food, right?”

maybe jihoon had ended up blushing a bit, but who was to blame him for that? he quickly shook his head, “thats not what i mean, woong. you know that.” then turned his head to samuel

“cmon sam, for real. i feel like this is my sappy romance story yk. you gotta let me have it.”

“but hyung, i like him too! look, im not gonna dislike him for you and neither will you. its bros before hoes, not bros before ros-”

gualin, at this, perked up “what even is this conversation that does not make any sense”

“yes it does, omg! bros equals friends, ros equals romance between bros ok lemme live jesus! but anyway, we aint gonna budge our asses for one anoter, we might as well fight for it. agaisnt each other”

“what??!???” “are you crazy???” “what the fuc- i mean what????”

jihoon looked terrified, but then he set up his tray a bit closer to him, smirking. “fine. whoever gets to take him out first, gets him. after losing you gotta give him up. and give me 20 bucks as well.”

“why are you saying its me whos gonna lose?? and why do i have to pay you??”

jihoon smiled mischiviously. “duh. because i want, obviously.”

and then it was set

they started playing games, trying to get jinyoung’s attention

samuel would write lyrics to songs he wanted to play to jinyoung

jihoon would daydream about coming up to jinyoung and telling him he wanted him to be his bae

samuel would start laughing louder, so that he could call for jinyoung’s attention indirectly

jihoon would wear different neon laces everyday to be different and stand out in his crush’s eyes

and yet, jinyoung didnt care for either of them

“ugh, this is so hard jihoon hyung.”

“i know right? he hasn’t even looked in our way at least once”

“what is it that we’re doing wrong??”

“idk sam. maybe we should try to get his attention in another way?”

samuel stopped writing down the answer to his english homework of the day to look up at jihoon, who was wearing a frown on his face

“how so hyung?”

“well, we could try to make him jealous?”

“but how is that even going to work if he doesn’t notice either of us”

jihoon threw his pencil in the table, and rolling his eyes as he sighed

“i dont know okay???? i just want him to look at me and like me back, but he doesnt even know i exist”

“hey hyung... its okay, i get it remember? we’re the same. just... how do you think we can make him jealous then?”

jihoon smiled a bit at that, lifting his head from where he had laid it into his arms, “we could date someone”

“oh. who?”

“well. hyungseob and euiwoong are the only gays from our group of friends that are out, but they’re dating each other. so....”

“so....?”

“sooooo.... we could date each other!”

“WHAT oh my god no way”

jihoon pinched samuel’s arm, making the younger flinch away. “what do you mean no way, you punk! im damn handsome, smart, intelligent and funny! theres nothing not to like!”

“hyung.... get your head out of your ass and listen. i dont wanna date you omg. you literally are so.... annoying sometimes no offense. and you snore when you sleep!”

“omg sam shut the fuck up u idiot. firstly i am not annoying youre just not old enough to understand how real and amazing people like me function. secondly. bitch we aint gonna sleep together what the fuck is wrong with my snoring. you talk in your sleep!”

samuel shook his head. “this is seriously not gonna work hyung, what even went through your mind.”

“an idea, thats what. at least i try to come up with those and help ourselves!!!!!” jihoon sighed once again, throwing his hands up. “so are you in or what? we can give it a try right? for a week or two?”

“ugh. fine but if it doesnt work out im killing both you and myself.”

“wow.... thats sad”

“shut up and study”

it..... didnt work out

but also no one died

“ok. what is happening??” was the first thing that met them when they walked to their lunch table holding hands, gualin was currently staring at them both intensively

“listen. this is not weird i promise but we’re dating.”

“you’re what???????”

“dating, you dumbass.”

euiwoong fixed up his glasses, “when and why and how did this happen. am i in a alternative universe”

“ok what the fuck is so wrong with us loving each other” samuel tried not to gag at jihoon’s words, instead squeezing jihoon’s hand stronger

seonho stopped snacking on a chocolate bar “you have been crushing on jinyoung for weeks remember?”

hyungseob continued, “yeah and why wouldnt you tell us if you liked each other???”

at this jihoon started laughing, “im kidding jeez!!!” he then sat down and mentioned for them to sit closer

“we’re pretending-” “WHAT” “omg shut up gualin youre so loud. we’re pretending to date so that jinyoung will be jealous”

euiwoong sighed “im not even going to care this time around. you two are lost cases.”

hyungseob smiled as he pinched euiwoong’s cheek and jihoon fake vomited “ew. YOU are lost cases stop being so in love”

“you jealous hyung?” “omg shut up seonho”

“anyway woong. i am telling you that you should be more respectful to me. when im married to jinyoung, with kids that are twice your height and with more money than all your three next genarations, i wont remember you punk.”

“GOOD”

“OMG YOU FUCKING- I HATE YOU”

turns out fake dating samuel wasnt soooo bad

they hang out like they used to, the only difference was that they held hands a bit more

it still, however, didnt work for them as jinyoung never looked their way

therefore, ofc the obvious and only solution was for them to take their relationship to the next level and to kiss

they decided on a plan

jihoon would be walking to school and hed pass by jinyoung and smile at him casually, but then he’d fall

samuel would then see and help him up, ask if he was okay!! and then kiss his cheek

it was a good plan, really, it was a good plan BUT

fucking samuel didnt do shit! he stood there looking

which ended up in jinyoung looking up to see what had happened and walking towards jihoon to help him up

jihoon started blushing when jinyoung asked him if he was okay, and jihoon could only nod

at this samuel came closer to the two of them, glaring at jihoon but trying to cover it up with a smile “hey you okay baby?”

jihoon blushed at the pet name, how could samuel call him baby when he was talking with his crush. “im fine”

jinyoung then cleared his throar, “hm. im glad youre okay i should go. see you around i guess...”

“jihoon!!! my name is jihoon”

after jinyoung had left, samuel turned to jihoon “what the hell was that?”

“that do you mean??? you didnt even fucking try to help me. what was THAT???”

“i was... thinking. listen, why didnt you pretend??”

“fuck. because i was actually talking to him! and you had to ruin it all sam omg. cant you fucking let me win? youre such a sore loser.”

“what??? i was doing what you asked hyung! i was pretending.”

“whatever, im done. i dont want to pretend anymore. i got to talk with him alone, not by pretending.”

“what??? but how come you want to pretend and then you dont?!?!?”

“jeez sam dont make it that deep. we played a game, the game is over now. thats it, im gonna keep trying to get jinyoung and so will you”

“but hyung. i thought we were on this together?”

“hm no??? sam, we’re agaisnt each other”

samuel shook his head, rubbing his hands agaisnt each other, “fine.”

“fine!”

when samuel didnt answer, jihoon sighed “goodbye”

“where are you going??? it’s the middle of the day?”

“mind your business”

they didnt talk for two days, damn that gemini stuborn ass

samuel ended up reaching out to jihoon and apologising for overreacting, to which jihoon agreed and also apologised for doing the same

they sorted things out and promised to not let this jinyoung matter ruin their friendship

everything was really great until jihoon started talking more with jinyoung

jihoon would cross ways with his crush and he’d actually hold his head up long enough to shoot him a smile

they’d say hi to each other if they saw one another

sometimes jihoon would even sit next to jinyoung for a few moments when he was alone

and jihoon was loving it until he noticed that samuel was growing sadder by the days

he was quieting down and focusing more on studying

and he was always avoiding him

jihoon could for the love of god understand why

and he couldnt not talk about it, so he did ofc

him and samuel talked about it although the younger avoided saying the reason

jihoon let him be for a few more days but once the week mark passed, he got really worried

he thought that maybe it was because samuel was jealous that he’d lost and jihoon even went to the point of talking to him about giving up jinyoung just to let samuel be happy-

when he noticed exactly that. since when did samuel’s happiness become soooo important? sure it was always important, they were friends

but jihoon cared to the point of giving up on his crush just to see samuel happy???? that was new

jihoon then started thinking more about that and even talked to euiwoong about it, who told him that he was thinking of it as something more complex than it really was and that he should just talk with samuel

at first, jihoon didnt get it. but as he started missing his best friend more and more (since when did samuel become his best friend that he missed more than the others???)

he realised something had changed and he decided he really needed to talk with samuel about it

“hey”

“oh. hey hyung” samuel went to leave the bathroom

its not live jihoon purposefully stalked him there just to prove to himself that the younger was in fact avoiding him

“hey wait. we need to talk sam”

samuel shook his head quickly, “we dont. for real i swear im okay”

“i dont believe you. just talk with me please, for a second”

“fine hyung. here?”

“hm.... no, lets go to the seats okay?”

“okay hyung.”

they sat down in the outside of the school, close to each other but not too much

jihoon cleared his throat “ok so, ive been thinking. and listen. i really miss you sam. like ive been talking more and more with jinyoung but less and less with you and i miss you like crazy-”

“oh.”

“yeah. i.... dont know sam. i really miss you, what happened? we were fine but you started avoiding me. is it because i talk with jinyoung more than you? i...i. i could let you meet him. talk for real with him.”

“no, hyung. its not that.”

“really? then what? bc i swear sam, i’d give him up for you to be happy, for real.”

“really hyung? you’d. you’d do that? for m-me? seriously?”

“yeah. of course. is it really not because of that?”

“well. i guess technically it is. but hm. just hear me out and please dont hate me okay?”

jihoon nodded “of course not.”

i dont how or why but ive been feeling different... towards you. i was jealous yes, but then i realised i was jealous not because of jinyoung but because of you... hyung. i wanted to be him. i wanted you to be crushing on me and i know youre not and i know you wont. and im happy for you to be talking with him but. im sorry i just dont feel ready to be your friend right now.”

“oh hm. wow i didnt realise you felt that way. i.”

samuel shook his head, “part of me was hoping youd confess like in the movies yk? im... god im so stupid.”

“hey, dont say that. youre not. im too perfect, you cant resist me i get it-”

“not now hyung, please.” and the way samuel’s voice sounded so broken. it left jihoon speechless and at the same time wanting to scream out everything at the world.

“sam. im sorry i really am i didnt know you felt that way. i...”

“its okay hyung. i myself only realised when i talked with woong-”

“wait you talked with him too?”

“what? you talked with him?”

“yeah i asked for his help-”

“about what?”

“ohh. hm. oh. i.”

jihoon completely spaced out and he felt like he was in a movie. he felt like a character that just understood everything at once, like a stupid girl that didnt realise she liked her best friend over her crush. like a fool

“i wow sam.”

“what hyung? are you okay??????”

“jesus christ im dumb”

“i know. tell me something new.”

“bitch shut up listen i.... like you too omg- i cant believe it but i do.”

“what?? you just daydreamed for two minutes straight and now youre back and u like me??? dont play me like that. i thought you were better than this-”

“omg sam shut up let me talk. i talked to woong because i needed help reaching out to you. i was so worried! i even told you that i’d give jinyoung up for you and you talking with woong just reminded me of what he said... and its true. i was making it out to be too complicated when in fact its so simple. i like you, plain and easy.”

“are you sure??????”

“yeah sam. i am, i really am. i feel like i have a bulb over my head.”

“you might as well, what you just said was more moving and inovational than the creation of ipads.”

“damn im blessed to have such a nice boyfriend that compliments me so much! i mean, wait no.”

they both blushed, the losers.

“so.... boyfriend huh?”

“what the fuck gualin since when were you there????”

they ended up discovering a week later, as they held hands under the lunch table, giggling and blushing over the touch, that jinyoung had been dating daewhi for months.

#produce 101 #produce 101 scenarios #produce 101 headcanons #produce 101 fics #produce 101 requests #headcanons #park jihoon #kim samuel #lee euiwoong #lai gualin #ahn hyungseob #yoo seonho #lee daewhi #bae jinyoung #winkdeep #fullfilled #p101 requested #kim samuel/park jihoon

31 notes · View notes