#okay even in the 100s are okay but 200?? i’ve never paid 200 for a seat and i will never like do u think. i am made. of money

[navyhyuck]

bts tickets in 2019 were easier to get than laufey’s in 2023

[dahbeez]

1. "You're such a dork."

2. "Get over here, you doof."

3. "Cheeky."

4. "You're so needy."

5. "Kiss me again."

6. "You're so adorable!"

7. "Look at you... goodness, you're so cute!"

8. "I'm just so happy!"

9. "I can't stop smiling."

10. "I like that you make me laugh so much that my cheeks hurt."

11. "You are being extra sweet today."

12. "Oh, look at you!"

13. "Your eyes are so pretty."

14. "I'm really happy that you're here with me."

15. "Thank you for staying with me."

16. "I don't think I've ever loved someone this much before."

17. "I feel like I'm in the clouds when I'm with you."

18. "You're like my hero/heroine."

19. "I'm gonna tickle you if you don't come over here."

20. "My, oh my. You are such a beautiful creature."

@drink-it-write-it​

21. "Go with me?" "As long as you hold my hand."

22. "Is there a reason you're blushing like that?"

23. "Have you seen my hoodie?" "Nooooo..." "You're wearing it, aren't you?"

24. "OH you're jealous!"

25. "Can we stay like this forever?"

26. "Please just kiss me already."

27. "I think you might be my soulmate."

28. "Sleep over? Please?"

29. "Are we on a date right now?"

30. "I think I'm in love with you."

31. "Are you flirting with me?" "You finally noticed?"

32. "Am I your lockscreen?" "You weren't supposed to see that."

33. "I wish we could live together already."

34. "They're so cute when they're asleep."

35. "I just wanted to let you know that I think you're beautiful."

36. "Quit touching me, your feet are cold!"

37. "Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie!"

38. "Give me attention."

39. "You met me yesterday." "Yes, and I would die for you. Next question."

40. "She's hiding behind the sofa."

41. "Did you just hiss at me?"

@wishiwasanavenger-archive​

42. "Have you kissed anyone before?"

43. "Can I kiss you?"

44. "You're not hurting me, you're not heavy. I've got you, love.” 

45. "I look at them and I just... it's like when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes."

46. "I don't... I've never... been in a relationship before and I'm going to make mistakes... I just need you to tell me. I need you to talk to me."

47. "You didn't tell me your friend was cute! Now what am I going to do?"

48. "You give me a reason to be better, to do better."

49. "God, you are so fucking cute."

50. "I love you, but I need you to go away because you're really bloody distracting and I have to pass this test tomorrow."

51. "Oh no... they're cute."

52. "I can't talk to cute people, okay? I don't know how to flirt!"

53. "God, I love your face."

54. "Don't look at me, I'm a mess!" "I love it when you're a mess!"

55. "Please do your homework for me...? Just one time." ... "I said one time, y'know... you didn't have to start studying. Not that I'm not proud or anything."

56. "I'm already home."

57. "Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner."

58. "Stop moving! I'm going to have to start counting all over again!"

59. "I just thought that since you weren't feeling too good, this would help."

60. "I'm not kissing you in the rain! We'll catch our death!"

61. "Would it help if I stayed?"

62. "I apologise sincerely if my beautiful/handsome face has kept you up all night."

63. "God, you're pretty."

64. "Calm down, it's just a chocolate bar!"

65. "Please, tell me you brought a toothbrush?"

66. "You take the bed, you need it more than me."

67. "You're so warm!"

68. "You're freezing, Jesus!"

69. "You always look beautiful."

70. "Your hands are so small!"

71. "Sometimes I just want to cuddle, okay? Is that so bad?"

72. "Now I know where half my wardrobe went."

73. "Here, let me just–" 

74. "You're really special to me."

75. "That tickles!"

76. "We only have one room left for the night..."

77. "Naps are life, okay?"

78. "I don't think I could love you anymore than I already do."

79. "I had the weirdest dream..."

80. "I got you a trophy, it's only plastic, but it's for being the best human I know."

81. "Someone keeps leaving love notes in my locker and I don't know if I should find it endearing or creepy..."

82. "I love your voice."

83. "Put me down! I can walk!"

84. "Can... can you come over?"

85. "You're the best."

86. "Can you please stop biting your lip, it's distracting."

87. "I thought you liked love songs!"

88. "I know you're not a fan of Valentine's day... I just thought that maybe I could change your mind..."

89. "You're my favourite know-it-all."

90. "That was the least romantic proposal in the entire history of proposals."

91. "I never knew you were a romantic at heart."

92. "I made it. For you. I know it's not the best, but..."

93. "Let me carry that."

94. "How do you know my favourite drink?" "I'm observant."

95. "We've known each other's for years and I don't think we've ever had a proper conversation."

96. "You're the clumsiest person I know, how did you survive past childhood?"

97. "It's always time for a milkshake."

98. "You know, humming the James Bond theme tune defeats the point of sneaking."

99. "I think your cat wants to kill me."

100. "Where have all my jumpers gone?"

101. "I don't get paid enough for this shit."

102. "Oh my God, I love you."

103. "I told you to bring a jacket."

@writings-of-a-hufflepuff​

104. "Is that my shirt?" "You mean our shirt?"

105. "It's you, it always has been."

106. "You're everything I could've wanted and more."

107. "Kiss me."

108. "Home stopped being a place when you entered my life."

109. "You should probably go home." "But I'm already home."

110. "You're an idiot." "But you love me."

111. "I'd do anything for you."

112. "You took all the pillows so I'm using you as one."

113. "Stop moving and let me braid your hair."

114. "I'm so proud of you."

115. "You are my family."

116. "I'm right here."

117. "Can you just please hold me?"

118. "I'm pretty sure they're my soulmate."

119. "This reminded me of you."

120. "Your hair is really soft."

121. "Are you blushing?"

122. "Can I stay here tonight?"

123. "Because I love you."

124. "Make a wish!"

125. "I love seeing you smile."

126. "You're just a softie."

127. "You are crushing me right now."

128. "Darling I love you and all, but please step out of the kitchen."

129. "Take my hand. Just trust me."

130. "You're the only thing that matters."

131. "Did you know that you talk in your sleep?"

132. "Hey, look at me. Focus on me, alright?"

133. "Why can't I get you out of my head?"

134. "Don't let go."

135. "Stay."

@blisfvll​

136. "You smell really nice."

137. "If you steal the blanket, I'm going to put my cold feet on you."

138. "You're comfy."

139. "But I want to hear you sing."

140. "Don't get up – I'll do it."

141. "Care to give me a back scratch?"

142. "Your bed head is really cute."

143. "How about a kiss?"

144. "Uh oh, I know that look. What do you want?"

145. "Are you really flirting with me right now?"

146. "I like the way your hand fits in mine."

147. "You have something in your hair, umm... do you want me to get it out?"

148. "It's nice that your voice is the first thing I heard today."

149. "This movie is really scary, but you're into it so I'm trying not to cover my face the whole time but– WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?"

150. "Wait, don't pull away... not yet."

151. "Half the time I get too embarrassed to say anything."

152. "No, it's fine. I can wait until you're done talking to them."

153. "No, like... it's just, I can't believe you're actually wearing my clothes."

154. "I've been trying to get ready for like an hour and an half because I know you're going to look so good and I need to try and match up."

155. "I wanted to say 'I love you' for the first time without stuttering, but that failed."

156. "We could order pizza and just stay like this all day."

157. "It's not a double date. We're just third and fourth wheeling."

158. "I remember practicing how to ask you out in the mirror..."

@marauder-exe​

159. "It's not funny!"

160. "That wasn't suppose to happen."

161. "Hurry back."

162. "I can't take you seriously."

163. "Problem solved."

164. "That was embarrassing."

165. "It's freezing in here."

@love-me-a-good-prompt​

166. "I love you, baby."

167. "Hey, cutie."

168. "I promise to love you for the rest of my life."

169. "You're my world."

170. "I don't care if you're sick, catching a cold from kissing you is worth it."

171. "You are so perfect."

172. "Marry me?"

173. "You're the best part of me."

174. "Stay here with me. For the rest of our lives."

175. "I'm speechless, you're so beautiful!"

176. "Come here, I need to hug you."

177. "When everything's wrong, it's you that makes it right."

178. "You're the one."

@raggedy-dxctor​

179. "Well, it's the thought that counts." "Wait, no, don't take my kisses away from me!"

180. "Oh, you've started stealing my socks now?"

181. "You owe me a kiss."

182. "How did you get in here?"

183. "That's not even fair."

184. "You promised me a cookie!"

185. "Ew, that is so sappy, I might vomit."

186. "You're not very intimidating."

187. "That was, by far, the stupidest thing you've ever done."

188. "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."

189. "Why the hell is there glitter everywhere?"

@whcczes​

190. "I'll feel much better if you let me walk you home."

191. "Apparently, all our friends have a bet going that we end up together."

192. "You make me feel alive. For the first time ever, I feel like I can breathe."

@moanlightlust​

193. "It's two in the morning and you want to cuddle?"

194. "You shine so bright it's intimidating. I love it."

195. "I'm here."

196. "What's your name again? Sorry, I just got that super weird feeling that we only see in movies, you know? Like, the whole world stopped turning and all I could see was you."

197. "I was born to be yours."

198. "Isn't it a bit too cliché?"

199. "So, you're just kissing strangers for no apparent reasons?"

200. "You'll always be my favourite person."

201. "You're making it weird, stop making it weird."

202. "There's nothing I love more than running back into your arms."

203. "I'm yours. Forever."

204. "You always know how to cheer me up."

205. "I... I lost the ring."

206. "Will you be mine?"

207. "Darling, you look perfect tonight."

208. "You saved my life."

209. "Don't give me that look. No... NO! I said no puppy dog eyes! You know I can't resist them! Argh, fine!"

210. "I missed you and your bad puns and even your horrible cooking and the way you fit perfectly against my body when we cuddle. I just really missed you."

211. "We're a team, remember?"

212. "There's no place I'd rather be than by your side."

213. "Your smile brightens the whole room."

214. "I kinda adopted a puppy behind your back... don't be mad! Look at those cute fluffy paws!"

215. "You're burning up. Guess I need to activate my nurse mode."

216. "I love you. As in more than friends, more than best friends and more than super extra best friends."

217. "I love you just the way you are."

218. "We need to kick his ass, no questions asked. You in?"

219. "Hot chocolate and cuddles? Kisses?"

220. "You make me feel pretty."

221. "You'll always be my best girl."

222. "Never hide yourself from me."

223. "Babe! There's no toilet paper!"

224. "I'll never give up on you."

225. "Do you feel that shirt? That's boyfriend material."

226. "That prank went so wrong."

227. "Care to dance, my love?"

228. "AH! You're stuck with me!"

229. "You're too good to me."

230. "Is it that time of the month?"

231. "Can I braid your hair?"

232. "It's okay to have doubts, as long as you don't let them overwhelm you."

233. "Come here! I can't stand to be so far away from you!"

234. "I got you."

235. "I wanna fall asleep next to you every night and wake up every morning with you by my side."

236. "Stop, I need to finish this!"

237. "I just wanna binge watch The Office, but it's not the same without you."

238. "Because I care about you!"

239. "I just wanted to impress you."

240. "I love you even though your breath stinks right now."

241. "Did you just puke on me?"

242. "We should get drunk and do stupid things."

243. "I always know what you're thinking about, babe. You're like an open book!"

244. "Could you sing to me?"

245. "I, uh, could you... could you play with my hair, please?"

246. "Nooooo, don't leave! I'm cold!"

247. "I think you're suffering from a lack of vitamin me."

248. "A mistletoe? Really?"

249. "Will you join me, love?"

250. "I have feelings for you."

251. "You are the reason."

252. "Take my hand, I wanna show you something..."

253. "You have a lovely name."

254. "You're my everything."

255. "You do know a lot about my blushing schedule."

@voilawind​

[maryellencarter]

Okay kids, buckle up. I need money again (for the last time, pray god), but at least this time I have a fucking story to go with it.

Short version: My landlord is illegally trying to evict me and I just had to drop $60 on court costs to fight it. That's $60 that was going to pay for either my meds or the electric bill, take your pick. So I really need donations to get by for the next two weeks, after which I should be settling in at a much more mentally healthy job and in good shape. My Paypal is ethanrabbits@gmail.com and my Ko-fi is here. Thank you so much for anything you can contribute!

Long version:

So the last three months I've been off work due to a mental health breakdown. July and August, I haven't been able to pay my rent. I applied for rent assistance right away in late June, and emailed my landlord's office all the paperwork for both the rent assistance and the CDC Declaration of eligibility for the Eviction Moratorium -- the thing where if you're poor enough you can't get evicted during the pandemic because you would have to go to a shelter or a crowded living situation and be at risk for the Covid.

Middle of July, I received a *backdated* notice that if I didn't provide proof of rent assistance application, I was going to be filed against for eviction. Okay, there's a new property manager, maybe the filing got mixed up, so I go down and re-email all the paperwork and make sure the property manager sees it arrive in the email.

Beginning of August, I get a notice from the rent assistance people that the CDC has extended the moratorium for places in a high surge status, which I am in one, so I fill out and forward the newest eviction protection form which should cover me till October 3, and go down to speak to the property manager about it, when again I am assured that everything is on file.

Middle of August, two months after filing my request for rent assistance, I finally hear from a caseworker who says "send me your paperwork". I jubilantly send all the paperwork, go down to give my property manager the good news, and also -- see, I don't have a lease for September yet. I was offered one back in July, but I didn't want to sign anything until I knew what my situation was going to be with regard to rent assistance and paydays. So I brought down the paper that said "yes I am signing here to officially agree to the new lease you offered, please print the new lease so I can sign it officially", and handed it to the property manager as well.

Now, I have about $700 of late fees for July and August. This is legal under the eviction moratorium and I have understood from the beginning that I would have to pay them. My first paycheck back to work comes in this Friday, and when I went to request the new lease I had planned to discuss a payment arrangement as well, figuring I could pay about $600 on Friday and the rest in two weeks, based on my projected paycheck.

("Taught myself payroll tax law in order to predict my paychecks" should definitely be on my resume somewhere. I just haven't figured out where.)

But, dear readers, when I went down to drop off the form, there was some other client or resident in the office, so I didn't get to discuss a payment arrangement. No big deal, I figured. I'd discuss it when I heard that my lease was ready to sign.

Instead, last Tuesday, I was woken up at nine sharp by a process server with an eviction summons for me. Thank fuck, I've spent the last two weeks having a technical issue at work that's kept me getting paid but off the phones, because I was in no state to talk to people that day. Eventually I pulled myself together, broke out the legalese close-reading skills, and discovered that the summons includes one particular line item which (I hope and pray) indicates They Done Fucked Up.

This summons, ladies and gentlethem, includes the line item "The Plaintiff has not received an executed copy of the Declaration form as of the date of this filing pursuant to the CDC Order dated September 1, 2020."

Well, gentle readers, I was and am *pissed off*. I keep providing documentation to these fuckers and they keep misplacing it, and now they're getting me involved with The Legal System. I *hate* being anywhere near the legal system. I have massive PTSD triggers from being raised by an evil ADA. But by god, I speak legalese as my first language, and I am not going down without a fight.

So, not being able to get in touch with anyone to provide legal aid or assistance, I spent last Thursday trundling around downtown in decaying shoes and 105° heat, getting court paperwork printed and duplicated and filed and mailed. I dropped about $60 I hadn't planned to spend on court filing fees and certified mail costs and the actual baseline printing costs of all the documentation I needed to provide.

I did get two pieces of good luck that day. One, I finally heard back from my case manager saying that the rent assistance money for my landlord only has to go through one more person who will double-check the numbers. It's supposed to get final approval sometime early this week.

Two, I got a job promotion I've been working toward for years. Well, side-motion, it doesn't come with a raise, but I already make $16+ an hour, over twice our federal minimum wage. What it does come with is, except in rare cases I never talk to callers, I just answer them in written messages. This should hopefully be a perfect job for me, and allow me to work a solid 40 hours a week and earn plenty of money.

The catch is... it's work-at-home only. If I get evicted and can't make it to training on Monday week, I'm fucked.

So. My eviction hearing is tomorrow. If and when the judge is like "okay if we let you sign a new 12-month lease and stay in your apartment, what is your repayment plan on your late fees", I plan to be like "Your Honor, I have a payday on Friday and I am prepared to provide the court a money order for the full $700 of late fees on that date which will bring me fully up to date".

I'll do it, too. The catch is, that'll leave me with something like $200 in the bank for the next two weeks, and I calculate I need about $100 for groceries, $80 for meds, $50 for electric, and $80 for the cell phone bill over that time period. These numbers don't add up. :P

Soooo, yeah. I'm having to spend about $160 I can't afford because my damn property manager is an idiot and can't fucking print and file my fucking legal declaration. I really hope the court throws the book at the corporation and nails them with those "up to $200,000 fines" for breaking the CDC moratorium, although I am dubious because courts like corporations much more than they like stout genderqueer individuals without legal representation, however white and erudite.

But mostly, I really hope I can stay in my apartment and also afford my meds for the next two weeks. My Paypal is ethanrabbits@gmail.com and my Ko-fi is here. If you can spare *anything*, even a dollar or three, it would help so much.

God, I'm so sick of having to beg for help every few weeks. I just really hope nothing else blows up in my face... :-(

[losingitinjersey]

Ever have those days where your weight isn’t dropping like it’s supposed to?  Despite all your best efforts of eating less than your calorie limit, eating less than 20g net carbs, continuing to exercise and eating within your fasting window.  So you say eff it all and eat half a pint of (keto friendly) ice cream then find you lose weight in the morning?  Just a 0.1lb loss, but still. Wtf. I *know* the scale isn’t a straight correlation from intake the day before, but it’s annoying that it isn’t!  

Just experiencing a momentary frustration. When I take a step back, I do love that I’m even flirting with onderland right now (even though I desperately want more distance from 200 before my planned diet break on Thanksgiving) and I need to remember that I’ve done a helluva good job keeping up on efforts the last eight months.  Perspective, folks.  How is it so hard to have it sometimes?  

The huge news at my house is that erp JUST started feeding herself!  She’s always held her arms straight out to her sides with her mouth open waiting for me to feed her (despite my constant encouragement for her to feed herself).  We still have a ways to go but as of last night and this morning she’s now picking up foods off her tray and putting them in her mouth!  Success!!  Can’t believe this week brought both standing and self-feeding. AND she’s now 11 months old!  Such a week!  

I want to give a humungous shoutout to @holycraplookatthatturkeyneck, @improvingovertime, @always-the-2nd, @snapthistiger, @kcowgill, @abcd-adventures, and @theunstuffedpepper for tagging me in all the things the last few weeks!  Please accept one of my many selfies above for the SDS tag, and my answers to the other questions are as follows :) 

LAST SONG: Currently listening to “Breakdown” by Jack Johnson.  I almost always have music playing in the house so it’s hard to pinpoint these things! 

LAST MOVIE: “How Do You Know” - Recommended by my bff!  It was a lovely little happy distraction to enjoy.  Even though I minored in Cinema Studies, it’s a rare day when I’ll sit down to watch a movie. I’m much more apt to binge a series than watch a movie. I get super attached to characters so series allow me to get more connected and involved than a movie can provide. 

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Eh, nothing really. I finished The Queen’s Gambit and am looking for my next series. When I have a half hour or hour to kill I’ll watch either Bob’s Burgers, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia or Rick & Morty, all of which I’m watching for the first time. I was watching “Ratched” but I stopped halfway through, it just wasn’t pulling my attention enough. 

CURRENTLY READING: I recently started listening to audiobooks on my walks and I’m on Stephen King’s “If It Bleeds.”  It’s okay.  I’m excited to get into a longer story once this is done.  

CURRENTLY CRAVING: Nothing. I am very much at peace at the moment.  Weekend mornings are my absolute favorites. I get time with my girl, plus time alone with my coffee and thoughts. I love that Kevin sleeps late and hope he always does :)

------------

You can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to! Put your favorite playlist on shuffle and list 20 songs, then tag 10 people. 

As mentioned above, I ALWAYS have music on.  I’ve paid for Pandora since 2006 so I have close to 100 personalized stations for whatever mood I might be in.  While I never shuffle all my stations it was fun to do so for this exercise to see what pops up. I feel like the below list is a good representation of my variety of music tastes :)

Push - Matchbox Twenty

Seventy-Six Trombones - The Music Man

I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden

The Nutcracker, Op. 71 / Act 2: No. 14 - Tchaikovsky

Ain't That A Kick In The Head - Dean Martin

Sing, Sing, Sing - Benny Goodman

Beyond The Sea - Bobby Darin

Eight Days A Week - The Beatles

Want You Bad - The Offspring

Written At A Rest Stop - Ronnie Day

First Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes

Orinoco Flow - Enya

Riptide - Vance Joy

Date Rape - Sublime

Sweet Blossom - Robin Stine

Oxford Comma - Vampire Weekend

Shake Me Down - Cage The Elephant

I'm Yours / Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Straight No Chaser

The State of Massachusetts - Dropkick Murphys

Stolen Dance - Milky Chance

Tagging @zerocarb, @busylivinnow, @orange-slice-paradise, @lchfjourney, @aquietcupoftea, @lizlosesweight, @beenjen, @angesaurus, @momsgotwine, and @weight-warrior for whichever you choose! Either a SDS, the getting to know you better five questions or the music shuffle (or nothing at all! or all the things!). Whatever makes you happy, that’s the name of the game. 

[saharamae21]

My Biggest Distraction (Part One) - Topper Series

HEY GUYS! OKAY SO I JUST HIT 200 AND I’M SCREAMING.

Also this is a mini series I decided to write because I’m having tennis withdrawls... 

Author: sguymon21

Summary: Tennis is the only thing you know. What happens when a boy throws your world upside down? Topper has watched up practice everyday this summer and decides to make a move. How will your dad react when your newest distraction begans to take a toll on you future?

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol? (barely)

_____________________________________________

I sat at the country club and poured water down my back. I was sweating buckets as the summer rays beat down on me. I had been at it for hours, but there was no finish in sight. Tennis was my life and if I didn’t practice, I wouldn’t get to play in college. I got up off the bench and grabbed my racquet again. I walked to the baseline and set up the hopper. I wouldn’t stop again until I got 100 serves in. This was routine for me. I was on these courts 6 days a week for most the day. If the weather allowed me, I was there. Even if I didn’t have someone to play with, like today. I just had to focus on building my skill.

Today I was so focused, that I didn’t even notice that I had attracted someone’s attention. I flew under the radar most of the time. I didn’t go out much due to my strict parents. They didn’t want any distractions. Topper Thornton, however, would become my biggest distraction.

I didn’t notice him watching me from the clubhouse. He had been watching me for weeks, trying to find the right way to approach him, but he could never quite figure it out. Today was the day though. I finished the hopper and walked around the court, gathering every ball. I looked up at the clubhouse and saw other kids my age playing beanbags. They all got a normal life. Then my eyes caught his. He was looking down at me with a small smile. I watched as he lifted his hand and waved. I shyly waved back and went back to doing what I was doing, smiling like crazy.

I knew it was Topper. Maybe that’s why my heart was fluttering. Topper was perfect on the surface. He was handsome and charming, not to mention fit. He was rich and had a respectable name. My parents would surely approve of him if he didn’t interrupt my training. In writing, he was everything, but there was more to him. I could tell by looking. As a kid who was always pushed and pressured, you can pick out the others who were treated the same. He always questioned everything he did. We were the same in that aspect. I could also sense loneliness in him. I wondered how someone like him could be lonely, but he was. I just knew it.

I finished up my lesson with my coach and packed up for the day. The heat was killing me and my muscles hurt. I just wanted to go relax. As I was leaning I heard my name being called out.

“Hey! Y/n!” I turned around to see Topper in front of me. He looked at me while rubbing his neck. “We’re heading down to the beach in a little bit. You should join us.”

“What?” I asked as my mouth dropped open a little bit. This was the first time he’s ever spoken to me in person and he was inviting me to hang out with him? I smiled and looked at him. “I’ll see if I can make it!”

As soon as I got home, I walked into my dad’s office. He told me that he was shocked to see me home so early. I knew he was disappointed in me. I tried to not let it get to me. I was hesitant to ask him to go out. I knew that he would lecture me about how this is the most important time of my life and an injury could ruin my chances for playing in White Chapel. He would tell me I should rest for my USTA tournament next week. He would find any excuse to say no, but I still needed to ask.

“Hey, dad?” I asked timidly. “Could I go down to the beach today? Some kids in my class asked me if I wanted to and I promise that I’ll be careful.”

“You have a tournament next week, y/n,” he said. He saw the look on my face as he began to list every reason why I shouldn’t. I felt defeated. Just as he was saying no, my mom walked in the room. She was more understanding when it comes to situations like this. I watched her tell my dad that I needed to be a kid. She told me she would take care of him and that I should go have fun.”

I thanked her and ran up to my room. I put on a swimsuit as well as shorts and a tank top. I threw my hair into a high pony and then I was off. I drove over to the boneyard and looked around. It was busier than I thought it would be. Clusters of kids were everywhere and I felt as if I didn’t belong. I stood there by the entrance and just stared, suddenly questioning why I thought this was a good idea.

“Y/n, you made it,” Topper said, walking up with a drink in hand. I smiled and nodded. “C’mon were this way!”

He walked next to me and we made some small talk. It was things like how has your summer been and it’s really hot out today. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t uncomfortable. We made it back to his friends and they all introduced themselves, even though we’ve been in the same class since kindergarten. It was weird to talk to everyone for the first time when we’ve known each other for a decade now. I watched as a few of them went running towards the water again. Topper offered me a drink and I shook my head. My parents would kill me if they found out. I made my way to the edge of the beach and felt the warm water touch my feet. I watched as Topper waded in next to me.

“C’mon,” he said. “Dive right in.”

That's all he said before immersing himself into the ocean. I followed his lead and jumped in. It’s been so long since I’ve been to the beach. The water was cool and refreshing against my skin. I forgot how good it felt. When I surfaced the others were in front of me splashing and pulling on each other. I felt water slam into my face, followed by a loud laugh. I turned to see Topper, laughing at me. I splashed him back and let myself go. For the first time in forever, I was enjoying myself.

A couple hours later, Topper and I had gotten out of the water. We sat on the sand together and talked. I asked him why he invited me to come with them and he told me that I looked like I could use the fun. He asked me why I’m always down at the courts and I found myself explaining my life to him. I told him about how tennis was everything to me. I told him that it was the only reason my dad paid attention to me. I didn’t go into detail though.I didn’t let him know the pressure I had on me to win. I didn’t tell about the lectures I got after each match and the rigorous training I did, even when I was exhausted. After I told him about me, he opened up about himself. He told me about the expectations that his parents had of him and how he worried that he would never live up to it. He told me about how he never felt good enough.

Before I knew it, we had talked for hours. We had just talked and talked. I felt like I could talk to him forever.

Days passed and I found myself with him more and more. I snuck out at night to join him at parties. I hung out with his friends and him after practice. I wanted to be near him. At first I brushed it off as wanting to have friends. I thought that I broke all the rules because I wanted to be around people. That wasn’t the case though. I wanted to be around him.

I was at the courts training for the USTA tournament that I was supposed to partake in tomorrow. I had been working since 8 am and I could feel myself growing exhausted. My coach was working me too hard, but I knew better than to talk back. I grabbed my water and drank the rest of its contents. I knew there was no way that I would be able to leave this lesson. I looked around for the gatorade jugs, but they hadn’t put them out today. Then in a hopeful, last resort I looked up at the clubhouse. Topper had been waiting for me to get done with practice lately, but I hadn’t seen him yet today. Luckily he caught my eyes and I held up my water bottle, hoping he would get the memo. He gave me a thumbs up and ran inside.

At my next break, I waited by the door. Topper made his way over to me quickly and held it out to me. I thanked him and took a drink. I could see the dumb smile on his face as I shoed my appreciation. I stared at him for a second, feeling my stomach do a backflip as he stared back. I heard my coach call for me to continue and I told her I was coming. I smiled and thanked Top once more before running off.

My dad was extra strict the night before a tournament. I wasn’t allowed to drink anything other than water and I had to have a heavy dinner. I sat in my room at 9 and wondered if I was missing out on anything. I wondered what Topper was up to. I wondered if he was thinking about me. Whenever I thought about him I smiled. That night I fell asleep with him on my mind.

The next morning I woke up and got ready. My dad was putting stuff into a cooler as I came downstairs. In all honesty, match days were my least favorite. Dad was uptight and pushy. I sat at the counter as my mom gave me a light breakfast. I listened to her try to pep talk me, but it wasn’t helping that much. It was the first tournament in a few weeks and if I didn’t do well, my head would be on a platter.

I stepped onto the courts. If I continued playing the way I had in the past couple of months, I would be playing here in a couple of years. I shook the hand of my opponent and I listened to my coach tell me the White Chapel coach was watching. He could be my future coach. I needed to play well.

The match was a tough one. I was trailing in the first set, but I played the long game. I was a strategic player and I waited until the right moment to attack. This was that moment. I set myself up for a wide cross court shot. The other girl rushed over, barely getting the ball back over the net. I leaned my body into the next shot and drove it down the line.

“Yeah! Nice shot, Y/n!!!” A voice rang out. Tennis wasn’t a huge cheering sport like football and hockey, but that didn’t matter. A giggle escaped out of my mouth as I turned to see Top standing on the other side of the fence. Having him here was just the motivation I needed to take the first set.

The second set, I played like a different player. I switched to a more aggressive behavior, compared to my defensive style I displayed the first set. I took the match quickly and as soon as I was off the court, I went to Topper. I hugged him and he lifted me up, telling me that I had done such an amazing job. I heard my dad cough behind me as Topper put me down. I turned around and knew that this wasn’t going to end well.

“Mom, dad. This is Topper Thornton.”

______________________________________________

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[burnedbyshoto]

Congrats on 200+ followers!!! You deserve it!!!!!!!! Can you please do a bakugo or todoroki angst and smut where it’s a villain au and the reader finds out??? Idk I had a dream about it and I immediately thought of you because I know that you’re the perfect person!!! Sorry if it’s not detailed enough Also ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

villain!todoroki shouto x reader

warnings: angst, smut, cursing, villain shouto

word count: 4,437

a/n: oh man, this was supposed to come out with a bakugou part as well because i have no self control and wrote them both. i haven’t quite finished bakugou because i am still adjusting to this new life schedule I have (and my roommate has me sleeping before my crackhead hours so i’ve been writing a lot less, but it will come out i promise!!!) anyways this is kinky public sex. like 100% straight up. i’m a bit nervous if you guys don’t like the smut but it’s the best i can do LMAO enjoy!!! also i dont really know if there was an actual villain au so i made it my own...with inspiration from horikoshi

Life was hard as a normal civilian.

To be quite honest you were mad that you weren’t blessed with some amazing quirk so you could be a hero. Instead, you had to be successful elsewhere. So you were a second-year university student with a quirk that allowed you to see probability in everything. Which, don’t get it wrong, helped you with multiple-choice tests, but besides the occasional better route to places, it wasn’t that extraordinary. 

Your boyfriend, however, was a hero, and a massively successful hero at that too! With only his hero debut two years ago he was currently the number three hero on the Hero Billboard Charts, it was insane. To be quite honest, you had met him during his debut when you had nearly died because of a villain. It had traumatized you.

You had already despised villains with all your being before that incident.

You had been in an eerily similar situation when you were younger when a villain swept you off the street and held you hostage on the tallest building of Japan. Since that moment, you were sincerely against every and all villains, none of them could be excused in your eyes. Nothing they did in the act of violence was justifiable.

But again, you guessed that the entire morality of people truly changed when people could suddenly do things that normally should not be possible. For instance, one of your classmates could physically remove his eyeballs from his eyesockets as part of his quirk and it made zero sense to you. It was a great party trick, but a terrible quirk.

You felt your hands shake slightly, a wave of dizziness hitting you as you finished walking up the hill. A few years ago, you had started suffering from anemia, your red blood count had taken a deficit hit and no one could explain why. Doctors had seen you countless amounts of times, but no one could explain to you why your blood had suddenly taken a hit. They had run tests, even going as far as culturing your cells in a lab in an attempt to find a solution, but everything was normal. So it left both the scientists and you stumped. Reaching into your backpack, you removed your daily pills to alleviate most of your symptoms and swallowed them before continuing on your way.

You walked up the stairs to the apartment you shared with your boyfriend, a simple three-bedroom, with a two-bath apartment that he paid for with his earnings. “I’m home.” You call out, brushing your hair out of your eyes as you dropped your books onto the ground, trading your shoes for some slippers before walking into the common space where Shouto sat in his casual clothes.

“Hi, there,” Shouto greeted you as you groaned softly, trudging over to where he lay, and collapsed onto his lap, “Long day?” He asked, his fingers massaging your scalp softly.

“I had to sit throughout the worst lecture of all lectures because in my philosophy class we were discussing if ‘villains deserved to have second chances after inflicting damage on civilians.’“ You mutter into your boyfriend’s neck as he holds you gently in his arms.

“And your position?” Shouto asked, although already knowing your answer.

“They don’t, if heroes can’t get away with hurting other people without licenses, why in the world would I expect any less for criminals.” You say in a defeated voice as you remember most people in your class hadn’t agreed with your viewpoint. 

“What about if they’re inflicting damage because they got caught and didn’t see any other way out?” Shouto asked, picking away at your thought and you groaned again.

“Instead of being my incredible stupid smart boyfriend, can you just agree with me? Everyone already said everything you could think of and I’m sad.” You pout trying your best to disappear within your boyfriend’s arms. A small chuckle vibrates through your boyfriend’s chest and you can’t help the smile on your face as he places a kiss on your head. He was the best.

You found yourself later that night collapsed onto your shared bed, your face buried in the pillow as you longed for the next day to come. You had no classes the following day, and with Shouto having–at least so far–an open day, the two of you planned on making it a 24 hour date day. You trailed your tired gaze over to Shouto who was standing by the doorframe, his eyes concentrated on his phone, a very stiff and angry look on his face.

“Everything okay?” You ask, your voice muffled with the pillows as you watched Shouto typing away, his attention not on you in the slightest.

“Yeah…” Shouto trailed off, his face set in a small scowl as he turned off his phone screen and walked over to the bed, “The office called in, they made a stupid mistake that I need to… fix.”

You sighed softly, his office was always messing things up and you thought it was very unprofessional of them.

“Hopefully they’ll be able to work it out tonight without you, come on and sleep Shoucchan,” You yawn as your boyfriend comes to lay in your arms. “Just sleep.” You encourage.

“Okay…” Shouto nods his head as he wraps his arms around you as well, and you feel warm as sleep takes over you in the best of ways.

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

You woke up to an empty bed, your eyes looking over at the clock on Shouto’s bed-side that read four in the morning, and you were confused. Where was he?

You sat up and quietly walked to the bathroom, but found it empty and it made you even more disoriented, where was he?

There was a low growl, almost a snarl like snap coming from the living room, and you walked over quietly to see Shouto sitting down on your couch, surrounded by villains. Villains you recognized as the ones on Shouto’s debut.

His back was to you, the villains not even the slightest bit aware of your presence as Shouto spoke.

“How the hell, could you mess this up? Again?!” His voice is low, angry, a whole new tone to it, and it was something you had never imagined you could ever hear from your boyfriend. “I supply you with so much blood, and you can’t even produce what I need you to achieve?”

Your breathing slightly quickened as you stilled in the hallway, disappearing back into the shadows.

“I have been taking y/n’s blood for years, and you’re still unable to come up with a resolution. It’s making it seem unusual to me, you aren’t deluding me, are you?” Shouto’s voice echoes through your mind as a choking breath escapes your lips, and you panic as the pleading voices of your boyfriend’s company subsides.

You turn on your heel, running back into the room, slamming the door. 

Your breathing was staggered, your fingers trembling as you heard footsteps in the hallway. “I’ll deal with you later,” Shouto’s voice speaks, “Get out before you can’t.”

You didn’t know who he was talking to at this point, and despite being in only your sleepwear, you ran to the fire-escape of your room and left the house. The sound of the doorknob opening almost screaming through your ears.

You climbed down the ladder as fast as you could, uncaring of the shooting pain going through your feet. Your heart clenching at the revelation of what was being kept from you.

You ran.

And ran.

And ran.

Eventually, you found yourself collapsing in the middle of the street as tears fell down your cheeks, what the hell was happening?

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

Your head rose up from your childhood bed weeks later, it had been three weeks since you had last seen Shouto. Three weeks later and your anemic symptoms had all disappeared. Three weeks later and Pro-Hero: Shouto was still a name people loved. Three weeks later and not a single word or encounter with villains or your boyfriend and you weren’t really sure what you were expecting.

Everything just felt entirely wrong.

You still had feelings for Shouto.

Your feelings towards villains hadn’t changed though.

You now hated Shouto.

But you still loved him.

You missed him.

You resented him.

He had violated your body, for your blood, something you couldn’t comprehend as to why. Was everything between the two of you fake? Something created to obtain your blood?

Was everything a deception?

You walked aimlessly to university, your usual friendly personality had been scuffed to death at the moment, and you ignored the hello’s that still came your way. You sat down in your philosophy class later that day staring out the window, uncaring of the lecture that was taking place on the ethical and moral dilemmas that had resurfaced with the introduction of quirks and how even today it was in place. 

Your eyebrows scrunched as you saw a figure in the alley behind the building move into the sunlight, and your face muscles tightened as you saw Shouto standing there. Wearing casual clothing, staring right back at you as if he knew it was you looking at him.

You watched in slight horror as he picked up his phone as if he was signaling something to you, and a small buzz alarmed you of a text notification.

shouto: come here

You felt your blood chill slightly at those words. Why was he finally reaching out towards you? You knew that he knew that you remembered his dark secret. Despite having this information you weren’t going to be telling anyone, especially not anytime soon.

Your hands shook as if you were suddenly anemic again as you quickly grabbed your backpack and left the classroom, ignoring the curious gazes on your figure as the door closed behind you.

What the hell were you thinking? Why were you listening to him? He didn��t deserve to speak to you, and what if it was going to be a threat? You couldn’t even begin to imagine what would happen if it was a threat. You would cry for sure, but god, you craved seeing him.

Without even fully realizing it, you found yourself stepping into the alleyway where Shouto was hidden in the shadows by himself. Your fingers tingled with uneasiness as you subconsciously moved your arms to shield yourself from him.

Shouto watched you from his position against the wall, his hands shoved into his pockets, his shoulder leaning against the bricks.

God why did you meet him in this alleyway, it was a secluded area on campus already, and if he decided to kill you no one would find your body for weeks.

You begin to mentally panic as you tried to figure out a way to get out of the trap you just walked into. 

“What do you want?” You whisper softly, refusing to look at him directly and you watched as Shouto’s feet shifted as he readjusted his stance.

“I think that’s what I am supposed to be asking,” Shouto’s voice speaks to you, but it seems sharper, so foreign to you, not the man you love.

You moved your gaze to look directly at Shouto who was staring at you, almost curiously, as if you were a subject he was analyzing.

“I have nothing to say to you.” You defiantly assert your facial features set in stone as you refused to let him read any emotion that was racing through your mind.

“Hm, well,” Shouto smirks softly as he takes a step closer to you, and you automatically take a step backward. “You wanna know why I lied about my profession.” His tone suggests that he’s guessing, but you knew he could read you like a book.

A noise struggles in your throat as you refuse to acknowledge his questions.

“Simple. Being a hero is bullshit, what’s the point in being a savior to undeserving people who merited the actions of the everyday villains. It seems wrong, you would never understand, y/n, but that’s okay. Besides, there’s something so liberating doing things that aren’t… expected of you.” Shouto’s voice almost taunts you as your eyes narrow slightly as he takes another step towards you, and instinctually, you step back.

“What else would the opinionated y/n have?” Shouto says as he brushes his shaggy hair out of his eyes, their piercing colors drilling holes into your soul. “Your blood, huh? Now that is something you’ll just love. You see, your probability quirk is amazingly powerful, did you know that? The number of scenarios you can use it is unlimited with the ability to be correct ninety-nine out of a hundred times. Your quirk is good luck, and you were an idiot for never noticing it.”

Now that hit a nerve, and your lip trembled the ever so slightest as an aloof chuckle leaves Shouto’s mouth, another step forward for him, and another step backward for you.

“Did I hurt your feelings?” Shouto smirks again then a sigh leaves his lips, “You had amazing potential, my love, but your anxiety just kept you from achieving everything. So yes, I did seek you out intentionally for your quirk, but you had this fear that I could never get you over, so I had to get your blood in an… artistic way, you can say.” 

You felt like you were suffocating when your back hits the wall, but you don’t react to the feeling of the harsh brick against your back as you concentrate on the man you don’t recognize in front of you. “But of course, why did I need it?” Shouto clicks his tongue as a hand comes to press against the wall next to you, trapping you. “It will act as the ultimate judgment for every person in the world, and we needed a lot, but it turns out I had a vermin in my midst, that’s why it took so long.”

He traces a finger against your face and everything he says slams into you. Maybe you didn’t know Shouto as well as you thought you did, you were in love with a villain after all, but there was something so artificial in his words that after months of feeling numb anger flared within you. You can feel nothing but anger and hatred seeping through you towards this man before you.

“You can’t possibly think you’re superior enough to enact judgment on everyone, because of what? You save a few bad civilians?!” You spat at him finally feeling emotions and energy run through your body as your hands come up to shove Shouto’s shoulders with unknown strength and he staggers back. “Are you fucking kidding me, Shouto?!”

Your face scrunches as he takes a step backward, and now you’re on the attack. “Are you some fucking idiot? You think you can act like my boyfriend for two years and expect me not to pick up personality traits of your own? I can practically smell the anxiety from your body, you dick!” You storm as you shove Shouto again. “Your words are too pretty, too fucking rehearsed, dumbass, you’re a leader by action, you idiot, not by words! God, is someone fucking feeding you that little speech?! You’re a fucking villain, not some martyr, so you can shut the fuck up, and go feed your feeble-minded words to assholes who believe that they are the ones to shape the world! Go tell this sob story to the world, how about to your mom, let’s see how many people fucking agree with you then, Todoroki.”

You feel as if your blood is on fire as you have Shouto up onto the wall, his eyes wide, his mouth slightly opened in shock. Your breathing is harsh, fast, panting, as your eyes glare into Shouto’s eyes that are quickly turning from shock to anger to lust. You don’t even know what’s happening to you until you feel your hands grab the collar of his shirt and slam your lips against his own.

Your lips connect with his lips at every touch in a hard fashion. Your fingers fisted into his shirt as you slam your taller boyfriend–was he even your boyfriend–into the wall. You’re intensely aware of his fingers gripping your hips as your bodies came to be mangled onto each other, leaving no room between your two bodies as you continued this angry kiss.

You felt as Shouto let out a low growl, his weight shifting and he shoved you against the wall. His hands moving from your hips to cup the bottom of you ass, roughly grinding his crotch against yours, and fury went through your body. 

Why did he have to fuck this all up for the two of you?

The kiss was getting sloppy, your teeth clashing too often, breathless heaves panted into each other’s mouths as your tongue slipped into Shouto’s mouth. You defiantly press your tongue against him, not allowing him the victory of entering your mouth as your hands leave your grip from his shirt to grasp onto his hair, tugging on it sharply that makes Shouto let out a tantalizing moan. This wasn’t fair to Shouto, you knew that’s how he saw it, and just as you guessed, he moves his hands to better grasp your ass as he lifts you up, your legs wrapping around his waist immediately. His hands removing yours from his hair to slam them up against the wall.

A pained but lustful moan escapes your lips from this action, and you rock your hips painfully slow against Shouto’s crotch and sigh in victory as Shouto removes his lips from yours, “F-Fuck,” Shouto curses, his grip on your hands lessening slightly, and your eyes crack open to see Shouto’s head thrown back, and a mewl leaves your lips at the sight of your man stuttering because of you.

It doesn’t last long as suddenly, Shouto’s lips are back on you, leaving hot open-mouthed kisses trailing down your neck, his teeth biting down almost animalistically with every other kiss, but fuck does it make your toes curl. “Yes,” you praise the man between your legs as you roll your hips against Shouto’s in a way of retribution, and the lust and fury of Shouto’s eyes are connected with yours.

You gasp breathlessly as Shouto’s hot tongue licks slowly between the cleavage of your breasts, combined with the harsh tug of your hair sends your head snapping back, “Fuck you,” You spat, angry with yourself that he knew exactly how to please you in the best way.

“I plan on making you do that for me,” Shouto growls lowly, as you slam your lips back onto his own. 

A muffled cry leaves your lips as you feel his hands go under your shirt and massages your breast harshly through your bra, “Don’t you dare fucking think that this is going to make things okay.” You snap as you grab Shouto’s hands increasing the strength on his already harsh grip on your breasts.

“I didn’t.” Shouto laughs as his head goes under your shirt, and you can only wait helplessly as you feel your bra unclasp and a harsh roll of your nipples between his fingers sends you through another moan. You feel anger resurge through your body as you can feel the victorious smirk on his lips as he bites the sensitive underside of your breast.

With your hips still rolling away on his own crotch, you don’t hesitate as you blindly unbuckle the belt on Shouto’s pants and slip your hand through the waistline, your hand seizing the base of his cock. You hear a hiss from Shouto, and you almost laugh in manically glee of making the man you shouldn’t want tremble. 

“You’re a bitch.” Shouto gasps as he removes himself from your breasts, and goes to press wild, uncontrolled kisses onto your lips. And the coil in your stomach is tightening as he jerks against your pumping hand and rolling hips.

“And you’re a coward.” You hiss as Shouto drops you to the ground, your legs wobbly from the uncontrollable emotions you had long submitted to, the pool of heat in your underwear only seeming to intensify as Shouto slams your stomach into the wall.

“Now, are you going to behave correctly to the big bad villain who has you trapped?” Shouto whispers into your ear, his teeth biting softly onto your earlobe, shoots of tingles resonating through your body as you feel his hand move from your waist to your inner thighs, too close for comfort, not close enough for the relief you desperately sought. 

“You’d be a bigger idiot if you thought I would simply submit.” You breathlessly reply as his fingers trailed up higher, and your hips rolled slightly as his fingers touched between your legs deliciously soft, and you fought another mewl leaving your mouth.

“Ah, don’t stop yourself from making sound,” Shouto grinned against your neck, “Tell the world how much you hate me.”

You could only pant as Shouto’s hand unbuttoned your shorts and let them drop to the ground as his fingers went inside your panties, and brushed against the hood of your clit, “Fuck off,” You repeat as soundless moans leave your lips, your head thrown back again as his fingers slip into your opening, slowly moving as his other hand goes to tease your clit in a way that causes you to bite onto your tongue to contain the pleasure-filled scream ready to leave your mouth.

“Do you want me?” Shouto breathes harshly against your neck as he ground his hard pelvis into your ass, and you could only nod your head as his fingers pumped into you. The heat in your stomach only grow as the coil in you felt tighter as both the pumping and teasing intensified, “Fuck, love, aren’t you just fucking wet as always.”

You let out an exasperated cry as his fingers leave your dripping sex, and you can only watch with hooded eyes as Shouto brings his fingers to his mouth, slowly licking your juices off his fingers. “Fuck me with the same passion you have in hating me,” Shouto whispers as he twists your neck to kiss you in this twisted position, and you moan as you can taste yourself on his lips and tongue, and before you can even savor the feeling of his tongue on yours, his jeans are bunched by his knees, and you’re completely bent over, your underwear joining your shorts on the floor.

“You want this, you want me?” Shout asks again his voice almost a growl, his facial features intense as he drops his own underwear and is stroking his already pre-cum leaking cock. 

“I swear to god, Todoroki,” You hiss staring at the man who had your heart seem almost unsure of what was the right thing to do, “If you don’t finish what I started, I will never forgive you.”

That’s all it takes, and the uncertainty in Shouto’s mind is made up and all you could do is let out strings of curses as he slams into you from behind in one quick movement. “Shit, you’re so fucking tight.” Shouto groans as you pant, your hands shake against the wall, god did his dick in you send you to another planet.

“Fucking move already, pussy.” You snarl and smirk as Shouto takes it as a challenge as starts thrusting his hips, ready to kill any doubt you had in your mind.

And then you could do nothing but scream out encouragement as Shouto’s hips slam into yours, harshly, at speeds you never envisioned the two of you reaching before.

Every thrust sent you grasping for support on the brick wall as he continued thrusting into you, his fingers gripping you waist as curses leave his lips.

Your jaw drops and a shrill gasp leaves your mouth as the coil in you tightens significantly at a certain angle he comes in, “Like that?” Shouto laughs although you could hear no humor in his voice as he comes in at that angle again, and you can barely control the sob of pleasure that rips out of your mouth.

“Sh-Shouto!” You arch your back and despite the position, Shouto is edging, you can feel the tremble in his thighs, his tell when he was almost over the edge. “Fuck me, faster!”

Shouto doesn’t disappoint you as you feel his hands grasp your hair and he snakes a hand back to your clit, and you find yourself clenching your eyes in concentration, trying not to satisfy him with cumming first.

You smiled in victory as shuddering gasps left Shouto’s lips as you felt his thrusts progressively missing his usual targets, and with a drawn-out groan from him, you felt him cum in you, and you couldn’t help yourself as you looked over your shoulder and saw Shouto’s face filled with relief.

His hips stilled for moments, but your own hips didn’t stop, and another string of curses left Shouto’s mouth as he focused distractedly on your own orgasm. His body rocked into yours, and your hips met him in every motion, your lip trembling as his fingers danced against your clit.

The coil in your heat tightened and tightened, and when he pressed a kiss on the back of your neck, his fingers pinching your clit, the coil snapped and you could only see white as an immeasurable amount of pleasure ripped through you, and a scream sagged through your body as you came undone.

You whined as you felt him exit you, and you slowly straightened back up, you felt uncomfortably sore. Quietness filled the alleyway as the two of your straightened out your outfits turning towards each other, then you locked eyes, and it finally hit you. This was goodbye.

Your breathing staggered as Shouto’s lips were on yours again, and you feel overwhelmed. Your fists are clenched on his chest, his fingers hooked onto your belt loops. Your brows are brought together, and you can tell both of your jaws are clenched. It almost felt like a magnetic pull between you two, but you had to deny it. So you shift so that your foreheads press together, your lips just brushing, just barely, so faintly touching until you pull away completely with a shaking exhale, your forehead dropping into Shouto’s neck.

“I am in love with you, but I can’t love you knowing what you are.” You whisper as you break away, grabbing your bag and leaving Shouto alone in the alley, wiping tears that inevitably fall from your eyes. “I’m sorry.”

and thats all for now folks, i also updated my masterlist again so if you wanna read more crap i write, check it out :D but yes! the blood stealing is weird i know, i was told but i am so outta ideas i just rolled with it ;) anyways let me know what you tHINK I LIKE HAVING OPINIONS ON WHAT I WRITE PLEASE SEND ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT IT MAKES ME SO UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY

KK LOVE YOU ALL, LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL FOR MORE

[tom-hanks-is-bae]

I need some help. Please.

Okay, so this is my baby, Alex

On the morning of August 25, I lost him. This is a hard post to write.

I drove home late Saturday august 24th because he wasn’t doing well (my mom took care of him while I’m at school but I FaceTimed him every single day)

Alex wasn’t eating or pooping, this has happened before but we can usually get him out of it by using pear juice, baby gas drops, tummy massages, critical care and other things. I knew this time was different. We got him to the emergency vet (over an hour away) at around 8:30 PM. He was different this time.

They took an x-Ray and did some bloodwork and found he had a big gas bubble in his tummy. And the bloodwork showed his potassium and proteins were off. His temperature was Also a little low, running 99ish and rabbits should run over 100

They wanted to hospitalize him for 24 hours but I didn’t want to leave my baby. We stayed for a while and they gave him pain meds, he became very sleepy after this, this is the last picture I have of him alive, he was sleeping in my arms

They started an IV drip to hydrate him and hopefully get things moving, there was also pain medication in the drip.

We left him there but got a hotel 5 minutes away. ($120) I slept absolutely none, and called to check on him ever 1-2 hours.

I called at 4am and they tell me his temperature had dropped (96ish) and were planning on starting syringe feeding at 6am if there were no improvements

He didn’t make it to 6

I woke my mother and we went there straight away. We get there about 4:10 and he was in a small room they have for rabbits and it was really warm trying to raise his temp. At this point we’re doing almost everything, there’s one other thing they can do.

A procedure where they sedate him and go in his stomach with a tube and release the gas (which he still had not passed)

I agree to this because it was a last resort, my baby wasn’t eating or using the bathroom. I sat on the floor and held him for a couple minutes before they took him to do the procedure. I remember holding him and putting my head on his and thinking “I hope this isn’t the last time I get to hold him, I have to remember this moment.” And it was the last time I held him alive.

They did the procedure and the vet comes out and says they got a good amount of gas out and he pooped one pellet, I was hopeful. I went back to see him and he was laying on the table, groggy from the sedation. I rubbed him and told him I loved him. I told them about how sweet of a bun he was, how he loved to get under the recliner and thought it was a game, how he just got a scooby doo chair that made him feel like a king.

They took him back to let him rest and I thought he could use it so I went to the waiting room. I’ve questioned and went over 1000 times or more in my head if I did the right thing. Because about 10-20 minutes later the vet comes and tells me Alex has arrested.

My baby. Writing this is beyond hard. I scream, I cry, she leaves and said something about CPR. I run to the back and open a door, I see him on the table and her trying to revive him. The vet tech comes out and tells me she’s doing what she can, I scream, I beg them to save him. He wanted to come home. I screamed I didn’t care about the money, just to help him.

They brought me my limp baby boy in a blanket, brown stuff all over his mouth and I cried and begged him to wake up. He didn’t. My baby was gone and gone too soon.

To you he may be just a rabbit but he was my baby, he helped me through things in ways I never thought he could. I found a love for rabbits, much more then them just being cute, they have personality and he was the best boy, he just wanted to be loved and he was, but I wanted to love him more and more and more and more.

Early in the night we realized the bill was going to be much more than the money we had in our pocket or our bank accounts. So we applied for care credit and were allowed $1,500. The total ended up being a little over 1,600 and we used $200 something from my grandmas credit card that we will have to pay back to her. The whole time I said “it’s okay, Alex has insurance, they’ll cover most of it right?”

WRONG. I got NATIONWIDE exotic pet insurance for emergencies like this and I submitted a claim. They are willing to give us a whopping $279??? So we called to find out the reason, and here’s the gag. They’ll only cover up to a certain amount of $ for a certain issue, so for GI Stasis (which is in simple terms what Alex had but there was other stuff going on) they only cover $140. They have a limit they will pay for each health issue so essentially Alex would have to have been even worse for them to cover more (I don’t remember what the other $139 went to) the exam itself cost $130. So honestly boycott nationwide because not only did they do this but we called the day it happened and told them to cancel the policy because he was deceased and when we called to question the amount, the policy was STILL ACTIVE!

So I’ve got this thing to pay off and if it’s not paid off in 6 months it gains 14% interest, not on what you have left to pay, but on the entire loan amount. Which is almost $200 more. I’m a student and will be doing work study but I can only work 80 hours per semester and will make less than $700 if I did all that. My dad doesn’t work because he has multiple sclerosis (and so do I, yippi! 😕) my mom is picking up every shift she can but we have extra medical bills because I just started a new medication after having a relapse on my old one.

I’ve been in a super depressed state since losing him, not being able to eat, drink, shower, or just generally take care of myself. This bill is a big stressor because I know it’s stressful to my mother as well and I worry about losing her too. I hope this post gets seen by people that would be willing to help me or at least pass this post on so that others could. I would never ask for this if I wasn’t desperate.

I’d do anything to hold my baby again, to tell him how much I love him, get nose kisses and give him treats, I’d pay even more. I’m going to post a couple more pictures of him and then my links to PayPal/cash app/ and Venmo at the bottom if anyone wants to donate to help me. If this gets a lot of attention somehow and I get enough to pay the bill off I will not let people continue to give me money, I will post updates of the care credit balance once i make payments. Here’s my baby:

My paypal: https://www.paypal.me/mikalaalex

Cashapp: $mikalaalex

Venmo: mikalaalex

[madrabbitsociety]

Sometimes, and I do not mean for this to sound malicious, which it will, I feel the need to defend hairdressers. 

Hairdressers and hair stylists are skilled technicians who go through thousands of hours of training in order to hone their craft. Some of us were lucky enough to go to a technical school while in high school and are not in debt. I, however, paid almost $25,000 to go to school. I had to go for 1500 solid hours. In my state, that meant Mon-Thurs evenings for 5 hours a night. In my opinion, people don’t give stylists enough credit for what they need to know to get licensed in their state. Specifically, my license is for cosmetology. I had to know skin disorders, chemical reactions, actual strand structure - and we still don’t get told enough because we don’t get proper training on different types of hair, but that’s a whole different post that a lot of other people have done better than me. 

The predominant way we are paid in the industry is via commission. So if we have no one scheduled, we don’t get paid. If we have a client cancel, we don’t get paid. At my first salon I was expected to stay as early as I could to as late as I could, unpaid, just in case someone came in. Of course, corporate places are mildly better in that they offer a minimum wage, but that’s usually somewhere between $7-9 an hour. In order to earn commission in that type of situation you have to do more in services than what you would have been paid for the hour. Again, probably an entire post in itself. 

I tried a lot of places. I paid a lot of money for a license I was very proud to own. The final straw was a salon near my house. Personality-wise, I really felt like it would work out because I enjoyed the people I was around and I was disappointed when it didn’t work. When I first started, they insisted I do two unpaid apprenticeship days because I was (licensed for 6 months at that time) too new to work on their clients. They would provide models and charge the models a lower service fee than their usual service fee. I would then have two paid days at $10 an hour where I would basically follow the owner around, clean and do shampoos. On my days off, I was expected to want to come into the salon and continue to apprentice for free. There was a point in my apprenticeship phase where I was only being paid two days for 5-6 days worth of work. 

Again, this is not uncommon in the industry. Maybe not to this extreme, but certainly there’s a lot of free work being done. Does your stylist have someone help them blowdry? You might want to make sure that apprentice is being paid.

My skills did improve greatly during this period, but I maintain that was because I put a lot into it. The owner took all the credit- through his great teaching methods, I was becoming an ‘okay’ hairdresser. 

During the apprenticeship, unless you handed me a cash tip, he kept all of my credit card tips. So if you added a tip after service with your credit card, the salon kept them because they said I was using their electricity/taking up space in the salon and I needed to pay for that.

In addition to all of the time I listed above actually being in the salon, I was also expected to attend continuing education classes. In summary, and again this is not an uncommon culture in the industry, if you do not eat-sleep-breathe HAIR, you are told you’re not good and you won’t do well. The only exception seems to be if you have children, but if you’re single/without kids they will work you to the bone.

When I was finally promoted to a junior stylist, I stopped being paid hourly at all. I was told I would get 36% commission for services and I was specializing in color corrections/the blonding journey at the time, so I was doing $200-300 services quite often. Some of those services took 4-6 hours of my time, but if I had no one scheduled I was still expected to straighten up, do laundry, sweep the floors and help other stylists with color application and blowouts. Which is fine, kind of. The problem became that from the start of my journey at that specific salon, I would be expected to arrive when we opened at 10 AM and stay until the owner finished his clients- sometimes I didn’t leave until 11-12 PM, and was expected to come back the next day. 

So yes, one $300 color service could mean that I earned 14-16$ an hour, but… when you’re working 10-12 hour days that kind of knocks it down to minimum wage again.

Then there is the opinion that this is an easy job that so many people can do and you don’t need to be vaguely intelligent to do it. That the people who chose hair are stupid or unskilled. I was sitting on the steps of my school once, reading an Agatha Christie book and comparing certain passages to an ACD Sherlock Holmes story via text message with SpicyMags, when an older couple walked by. The man looked up at the school sign and scoffed, “These girls are getting suckered into a scam. This is nothing but a scam and they’re stupid enough to fall for it.” 

Well, in retrospect, he’s not wrong, but at the same time when you know the blood and sweat and tears- the thousands of hours and dollars that are poured into not only the initial licensing but the continued education classes- being a hairdresser is so much more than people give it credit for. It’s an abusive industry that exploits a lot of unpaid labor and even when you get to a point where you have skill, where you are an artist, you have people asking for a luxury service and then complaining when that unnecessary luxury costs them actual money. 

One last thing I’d love to point out- the 100% customer service guarantee. A lot of salons these days are trying to change, but a lot of them also still have a guarantee that if you don’t love your hair, you get a free redo or a refund. Do you know what that means? Your stylist doesn’t get paid.

So I can spend 6-8 hours on your hair after you tell me it’s been box dyed brown attempting to take you through the lightening journey to get it blond. I can tell you that because of the molecules and ingredients in the dye, the actual damaged structure of your hair, that it is not possible to do it all in one day but I can get you close. I can explain to you the entire process, waste all my time being completely honest with you about how golden it’s still going to look because it IS a journey/process, and at the end you can decide that because I didn’t get your hair to solid white in one go that you want a refund…

And I don’t get paid for the entire day that we spent together. 

That’s some fucking bullshit, but it’s - and this is a quote from several of the places I’ve worked- an “industry standard”. 

The cherry on this shituation cake is that we also don’t get any health benefits, life insurance, retirement- no freaking anything (corporate salons being a slight exception although having worked in the medical field I can tell you the benefits offered by corp. owned salons are not great.)

So please, next time you decide that it’s laughable that a salon quotes you $150 for a craft haircut that takes a certain level of knowledge and skill, remember that the salon gets most of that and if you don’t like it there’s a huge change your stylist isn’t getting paid.

Edit: Things that I did not mention but should have- the toll it takes on your body (repetitive motions and standing in heels on concrete floors cause back issues, neck and hip issues, knee issues, carpal tunnel and risk of cutting off your knuckle with your instruments). I had to sign a release that my school was not responsible for me cutting any part of my body with my shears (I’ve had bosses who lost toes and knuckles). You think that heels thing is a joke? I’ve worked in several salons where ‘female’ stylists were required to wear heels and at least three items of make-up because ‘this was the beauty industry and we had a standard to keep’. Say you gather a clientel and can rent your own chair or booth, you’re responsible for purchasing every single bit of supplies you might need to continue doing what you’re doing, so you’re still having business costs eat into your hourly wage. People need to give a fucking standing ovation to hairdressers, okay, because this industry is brutal.

I’m not saying I dislike doing hair, or that I’d never do hair again, but there are several reasons I’m not doing it right now. 

[selfmademen]

Top Surgery Experience

Okay, so I said I would do a write up of my top surgery experience and I’ve finally gotten around to it. Uni started right after so I’ve been fairly frazzled.

Please feel free to ask any questions you may have! I’ll do my best to answer them.

To start with, I currently live in NSW, Australia. There are a few Australian top surgeons, but as a NSW resident my best bet was Dr Steven Merten, with Pure Aesthetics in Sydney. Because Australia has a public healthcare system I was able to get my top surgery under that scheme. As far as I’m aware Dr Merten is the only top surgeon who offers this surgery through the public system. He works in partnership with Concord Hospital in Sydney, and that’s where I had my surgery. If you go privately there are other options for the hospital you stay at. There are pros and cons to the public system, which I’ll detail below.

Pros:

I paid $500~ out of pocket instead of between $5k and $10k (if you have private health insurance it may cover some)

Since he’s in my state I didn’t have to travel far

He’s one of the most experienced top surgeons in the state

there’s two places for appointments, either at his clinic or at the Macquarie uni rooms

Cons:

because I went publicly he didn’t perform the surgery personally, rather a registrar did. However, he was in the room the entire time overseeing the operation.

because he’s so popular I had to wait a full year from the first consultation to the actual surgery date

 it was extremely hard to get onto the wait list due to how popular he is.

the public system is only available to NSW residents over 18

I was lucky in that my GP at the time knew him professionally and called in a favour so that I knew the moment his books were open, and I am forever grateful for that. It is MUCH easier to get an appointment with him through the private system, but that’s a lot more expensive. For me, the pros far outweighed the cons here, and I decided I could wait a year for my surgery. I had also intended to lose weight beforehand, but that didn’t happen. Woops.

Prior to my first consultation I needed a referral both from my GP, and a registered psychologist or psychiatrist detailing my transition and documented dysphoria surrounding my breasts. The first consultation was $300 iirc, and I paid a $100 deposit, so only paid $200 on the day. Medicare also gave me a $100-something rebate.

The first consultation was fairly quick. He asked some questions about my transition, what my expectations were regarding surgery, detailed my options, and explained the procedures. He measured my breasts, but never touched me (I kinda just picked them up and moved them where he asked). He also took a photo of my chest, with my consent.

I didn’t actually hear from them until about three months before my surgery because my details got lost, but USUALLY the hospital will get in contact with you regarding your surgery date, what you should expect, and when your pre-op consultation is. I also had to fill out a pre-op health questionnaire and personal details. Due to my high level of haemoglobin as a side effect of T, I was required to provide them with more recent blood test results, but you may not have to do this. Usually there is also a pre-op appointment with the nurses and anethetist at the hospital, but the nurse I spoke to said that I didn’t need to go if I didn’t have any pressing concerns.

My pre-op consult with Dr Merten was a couple of weeks before my surgery, however, it’s usually around the same time. This one was $100, and I also had to pay $130 for a medical compression vest which I have to wear for up to three weeks post-op. Again, Medicare partially reimbursed my consultation fee, but not the vest.

During this consultation we basically covered the same things, and I also saw a nurse who told me what medications to avoid, and briefed me on post op care. She also gave me my medical vest, wound tape, and some pamphlets.

Some things she covered:

smokers should stop smoking 12 weeks before surgery

 you should limit your alcohol intake the week before surgery, and don’t drink alcohol AT ALL during the two days immediately prior to surgery

no herbal medications, asparin, ibuprofen, or other blood thinners for two weeks prior to surgery. IF YOU ARE ON BLOOD THINNERS FOR MEDICAL REASONS THIS MAY BE DIFFERENT FOR YOU.

do not eat or drink anything from midnight the night before your surgery. Morning medication (antidepressants in my case) can be taken with a sip of water.

 the night before and morning of surgery I had to shower with a special soap that was provided in order to kill bacteria on my skin.

I did have to call the admissions centre the day before my surgery to confirm my appointment time. For me it was 8:30. Before going in I had a brief interview with a nurse, who took down my details and checked me for allergies and medical conditions. I was given my wrist bands (red, since I have a codeine allergy), and directed up to where I would meet the nurses. There I changed into the operating gown (you can keep your undies on) and compression socks due to my weight.

I was taken to a prep room before the operating theatre where Dr Merten marked my chest. Basically where things would be cut, lipo’d, etc. I was feeling nervous so the anethetist also came in, did my canula and gave me something to relax (don’t know what it was). He was extremely kind and friendly, and said he was honoured to be included in this part of my journey, which I honestly thought was an incredibly sweet thing to say, and I’m very grateful for how he looked after me.

The relaxation shit kinda made me dopey, and pretty much immediately I was wheeled into the theatre. They had me wriggle from the bed onto the table, I nearly fell off, but it was all good. I don’t really remember much from here, but there was some music playing, and the nurses and registrar were setting up.

At this point the anethetist put the mask on and told me to take some deep breaths. I remember it tasting and smelling really weird, and the next thing I know I was waking up in recovery.

I’m not sure how long I was in recovery for because I kept drifting in and out, but they gave me something for the pain and then wheeled me to the ward. I started waking up properly around this time, had a chat with the people transporting me, and by the time I was in the ward I was fully alert (and really needed to pee).

Because of my size and the way the surgery worked out, I did have a few staples at the ends of my incisions, and I also had to put the compression vest on. I also had drains, with bags that needed to be changed every twelve hours. Nurses would also come and take my blood pressure and check that everything was okay and that I wasn’t in too much pain. They were all extremely welcoming and accepting, never misgendered me once, and even double checked my name and pronouns to ensure that everyone knew. My mate was also allowed to stay with me pretty much the whole day until dinner, which really helped me cos I’m bad with hospitals.

After surgery I was stiff and ached a little, but there wasn’t too much pain. I was able to go to the toilet myself, although wiping was very difficult for the first week.

I stayed overnight, and was discharged the next day. They gave me anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, and some opiates to help the pain. I should note here that I do have an extremely high pain tolerance, so outside of days where I pushed myself a bit too far, I generally didn’t need to use them.

I’m unsure if my experience is unusual, as I was able to do pretty much everything immediately post-op. Of course, I’ve been taking it easy, but dressing, sleeping, cooking, moving, has all so far been generally okay. I have had some pain on days where I moved about too much, or sat up too much, but that’s also partially chronic pain flaring up due to my bad back.

I was discharged with my drains still in, as I’m a bleeder. Usually with Dr Merten they’re removed before discharge, but I was sent home with some bags and instructed to change them every 24 hours and keep a record of how much had drained. I think I wound up keeping my drains in for around a week before they were removed.

I went to the medical centre twice to have my dressings changed and drains checked (and eventually removed), and was sent home with a sterile staple remover for my GP to remove my staples with. They’ll be coming out at the end of the week. The drains didn’t hurt when removed, it just felt like an odd tugging sensation. The stitches Dr Merten used are dissolving ones, so no need to get them taken out.

I do have to change my nipple dressings every three days, and the tape on my incisions can stay on for up to a week. The stuff I use is extremely strong and has glue on it, so I’m a bit hesitant to change it on my own (nearly ripped a staple out last time I changed my dressings).

I’m roughly three weeks post-op now, and I have pretty much all my mobility back. Showering is difficult, as is bending over or reaching to one side (tugs on my incisions). There is pain when I do things, but unless something actively tugs at, touches, or puts pressure on my wounds I’m not in any pain. Mostly its just an annoyance at this stage.

I’m still sleeping on my back, although I can lie on my side for short periods of time. There’s some bruising around my armpits where I had liposuction, and there is a small numb patch on my left side. I can’t feel my nipples, but I also couldn’t feel them prior to this so it’s not a huge loss.

I’ve seen some people say that they felt depressed post-op because of a hormone fluctuation, but personally when I saw my chest it felt natural and right. I didn’t cry (not a big crier) and I wasn’t surprised or shocked or… overwhelmed. To me it was my outer body finally reflecting my inner self. I already looked like this in my own mind, so it was just natural that it looks the way it does post-op.

Unfortunately some dysmorphia and self-esteem issues surrounding my weight have resurfaced, but that’s not really related to the top surgery, and it’s something I’m able to work on as I recover.

If there’s something I haven’t covered that you’re curious about, please send an ask! I’ve tried to be as thorough as possible, but its been a few weeks and some details are fuzzy.

[because-im-write]

The Beloved Big Sister Of 1-7, feat. The Beloved Number Five

“Diego used to use his big sister as a punching bag. She would block every swing and kick without fail. And as such, when he aged to be stronger as a teenager, he never had to worry about hurting her. Eventually even Luther stopped worrying. It’s weird, but it’s their thing. It’s what they do.” -Allison

3/??

1 2  4 5

Thanks to all who are enjoying the story, let me know what you think, what you’d like to see, your favourite things etc.

I wanted it to be longer but guess what? I use my phone and this has reached the 100 word block limit. Yay.

(Spoilers/info):In this chapter we see all her powers and almost all the limits of them.

‘Griddy’s?’ Five shoved a wallet of hastily collected house money into his pocket.

(X) laughed. ‘I’ll drive, you go in and order.’

Five nodded and jumped to the passenger seat.

‘No injuries?’ She asked, sliding behind the wheel and turning the key.

Five rolled his eyes, scoffing with a grin. ‘I’m fine.’

She glanced at him as she shut the door, mirroring his expression. She put her foot down hard and they were pressed into their seats.

After a hairpin turn to get around the corner near the drive, Five spoke up.

‘Where’s your car?’

‘I ran here.’

Five turned in his seat to watch her in surprise. ‘You surged here?’

‘Mm.’

‘That’s exhausting.’ His tone was concerned.

‘I wanted to see you,’ she said, looking away from the road for a moment to smile at him.

Five felt warm and small again, the knowledge he had her back again sinking in a little further. ‘I’ll have to introduce you to Delores. She’ll love you.’

She didn’t ask, just hummed in agreement conversationally. ‘I’ll look forward to it. How are your jumps? Still strong?’

‘Very, I got a lot better over the years. Though I won’t be trying the time jump again if I can help it.’

‘I can see why.’

Five was silent as they sped down the road. After taking a moment to enjoy the familiarity of her skilled driving, he spoke in a blunt tone.

‘(X), I want you to help me stop the apocalypse.’

She merely nodded. It came to neither of them as a surprise; the only person Five would ever openly ask for help from was her.

‘Coffee first,’ she said as the indicator clicked to turn into the shops. ‘Get me a latte.’

They pulled up outside and Five opened the door, marched around the front of the car, over the parking lot past a just-parked tow truck, up the steps and through the doors.

(X) laughed, hearing his heavy footsteps even with the door closed again, and turned to reverse the car.

When she walked through the doors Five was sitting beside the tow truck driver, a lady behind the counter taking their order.

‘Can I get the kid a... glass of milk? Or something?’

‘The kid wants coffee,’ said Five flatly. ‘Black. And one latte.’

‘Cute kid,’ said the lady to the driver as (X) walked up to the counter, leaning on it a stool or so down.

She saw the innocent, delightful grin Five plastered all over his face in response and tried not to laugh at the lady’s unease.

Being that he was her kid brother, Five was cute, just not if you called him such.

Awkwardly, the lady turned and looked at the woman, who looked 19 yet wise enough to be 200, and asked for her order.

‘I’m the latte,’ she said, tilting her head toward the cute kid.

The lady nodded and turned. (X) sat down beside Five, glancing at the truck driver.

Five glanced at him too, then around, and sighed. ‘Don’t remember this place being such a shit hole,’ he said quietly to the man.

(X) raised an eyebrow.

‘Used to come here as a kid. I used to sneak out with my brothers and ate donuts til we puked. Simpler times, huh?’ said the 13 year-old bodied Five.

Awkwardly, the driver responded with a ‘uh... I suppose.’

Feeling too sorry for the driver, and quite tired after having no moment’s rest since learning of Five’s return, (X) stood up and stretched a little, heading for the car for a book. She put a reassuring, comforting hand on Five’s upper back as he panicked a little seeing her moving away from him with no explanation. One subtle communication is all it took and Five returned to his conversation.

-

When she returned with a book, Five glancing to determine it was her returning, her latte was waiting.

She paid little attention to the small talk between Five and the man, pulling a bit of paper that sat in front of her brother towards her. Some address was written on it. She picked it up to use it as a bookmark and set to work on her coffee.

The driver left shortly after and after a long sip of his coffee, Five looked around for the paper.

He spotted it between her fingers with a scowl and stopped searching.

‘I found a glass eye in the apocalypse, seems to belong to the person that caused it. That address is the factory. We can’t do anything until it opens tomorrow.’

They drank silently, enjoying the coffee until the doors opened again. Both paid it no real mind until Five studied the reflection in the bell, seeing someone ready to hit his sister in the back of the head.

‘Don’t bother; she’s not a civilian,’ said Five, putting his coffee down. ‘Hm. That was fast,’ he continued, ‘thought I had more time before they found me.’

With no change of expression (X) looked up from her book to stare straight ahead, concentrating on the situation.

‘Okay,’ came the voice of a man right behind her head, ‘so let’s all be professional about this, yeah?’

Knowing from those words that Five was about to cause a scene, (X) surged power through her body to age it by a few years, to around 24.

Not turning his head, Five glanced over. Her body peaked its physical strength at twenty-four and a half, so he wasn’t surprised to see the slight changes in her features. She didn’t usually bother, though, which puzzled him. Then he realised she usually knew who she was dealing with.

‘On your feet and come with us. We wanna talk.’

‘I’ve got nothing to say,’ said Five simply.

‘It doesn’t have to go this way,’ persisted the man.

(X) twitched her neck in annoyance. She hated people in her blind spot.

‘Think I wanna shoot a kid?’ came the response. ‘Go home with that on my conscience?’

(X) sighed and put her book down quietly. She picked up her teaspoon and stirred her coffee, looking under her arm as best she could. Further behind her, Five would go for the leader, she saw a pair of feet.

‘Well, I wouldn’t worry about that,’ said Five pleasantly. He turned to smile at the man. ‘You won’t be going home.’

He stretched his hand for the butter knife on the counter next to him as (X) stopped stirring her coffee. As Five disappeared she shot backwards to the feet she had been watching, kicked the man in the knee, swatted his gun away and drove a spoon into his eye. One man collapsed with a knife in his neck, the other to his knees howling.

Then they were gone.

As the others looked around Five appeared on one of the table booths, lying casually across it. ‘Hey assholes!’ He said comfortably.

(X) laughed. As the men turned and bullets went flying, she appeared behind the counter and took her latte from the saucer, leaning back and taking a long sip.

Next Five next appeared at the door, gave a knock or two and disappeared with a salute.

(X) leant on the cupboard behind her, sipping her coffee.

With a cross grimace, Five glared at her from his hiding place for being quite so care free.

As the lights flickered the men saw her. She saw them, and immediately shot to the other side of the room into a booth in the corner, one leg over the other and cup in both hands.

Five used this to his advantage, stabbing one with a splintered mop handle and going for another one with a pencil.

He put his tie around the neck of one and nearly rolled his eyes when he saw where his sister had moved to.

She looked up at the sound of a smashing plate. Five was hidden again, frowning at her.

She raised an eyebrow, asking if he needed help. He glared at her blankly, panting. She sighed and stood up.

‘Will you move?!’ Five hissed, seeing they’d heard her sigh and shifted next to her, tackling her to the ground behind a booth.

Noticing Five was a lot more concerned about her safety than he used to be, to a point where he’d risk himself with little concern or for little things, she’d think about that later, she focused up and looked around, ignoring the bullet in her arm.

She put an arm over him protectively as bullets rained above them and looked around.

Pulling Five’s weight with her she saw across the floor under the tables to another booth and surged them there in two moves to avoid knocking anything.

Then she stood up and as Five looked around she was gone.

She appeared behind the closest man, kicking him across the room and through the wood of a table.

Unlike Five, who could teleport or shift anywhere he pleased so long as it was in range, she found cover very difficult. Cover was meant to be hidden, so being able to see it was not normally possible.

Resorting to head-on, she surged straight for one of the last two men, kicking him twice in the gut and twirled behind him as she was spotted by the last. She ducked down as the last shot the second last in the chest and then rolled to the ground.

Five knew that because she could surge only to where she saw, she couldn’t at that moment see the last man.

He shifted behind him and shoved him forward as much as his early teenage arms would allow.

The man stumbled into her line of sight and in an instant she had surged forward onto his back, sending him collapsing to the ground and drove a piece of shattered plate through the nape of his neck.

She retrieved her coffee.

Five finished off another on the floor and retrieved his tie then picked up a beeping device, decorated with a splash of blood. ‘Ive got a tracker; can you cut my arm open- did you get shot?!’

She was fishing the bullet from her arm. ‘I wish it didn’t hurt like hell to revert my age when injured,’ she complained as a response, tossing the bullet across the diner. ‘Don’t worry; I’m healing it,’ she said patiently as Five opened his mouth to yell at her. ‘Find me a sharp knife.’

‘Yes.’ Five’s voice was impatient and irritated. He tossed her a knife from one of the men’s belts.

‘Alright.’ She joined him at the bench, held his outstretched arm down at the wrist with one hand and cut into his arm with the other.

Five winced and groaned a little before beginning to fish in his forearm for the tracker.

‘Wish I could heal you,’ she said, patting his back.

‘Don’t we all,’ he replied before triumphantly holding up the tracker, studying it with a peeved sigh.

(X) got her book from the counter, wiped debris off it with her hands and looked around. ‘Got everything?’

‘Yep.’ Five slid off the stool and walked out beside her.

As they walked to the car he grabbed her arm and squinted at it to make sure she was in fact healing. Satisfied, he kept hold of her arm, subconsciously wrapping his own around it as they reached the car.

Taglist; @woohoney @i-think-you-are-gr8 @maiabiovillage @catvader101 @theamazinghana @livinlifelikeishould @itsintothegreatbeyondstuff @reallysparklychaos @queenmissfit @shadowsndaisies

[hustlemeanokay]

Warning - this got a little long winded... but it’s something that I just... I get long winded about lol. Also - I’m not trying to rag on anyone in the UK who dreams of living here... though I don’t understand it. It’s just - you should be aware and I don’t see this said enough. Yes, it’s delivered in a very passionate way, because it’s shit that is frustrating for people who live here. And I know the UK is far from perfect but the things that y’all do have down, y’all have it down pat. 

Okay, I get that the US isn’t a completely horrible place to live, currently. Like, we don’t get jailed for saying Trump’s a complete and total fucking moron. See, I can say that and not have my door busted in and be hauled off to some hole in the ground as a political prisoner. 

But when I hear people who live in, like, the UK saying they want to move to America... I swear my left eye twitches just a little bit. Like, I get it - the grass is always greener and all that but... seriously? Are... are they serious when they say that? They... they’re aware of the problems... right? 

Not the social and political problems - those are everywhere. There’s racism and sexism everywhere, there’s corrupt politicians everywhere. That’s not what I’m talking about - yes those things need to be worked on but their virtually identical no matter where you are. 

I’m talking about things like... health care. Paid time off. Employment laws. The cost of college. The cost of retirement. Fuck, the cost of living. Those things. These systemic problems that are just... glazed over. That effect every single person in this fucked up country. Unless you’re of the super rich - every single one of these things are a problem for you. 

Health care. They’re trying to get the whole pre-existing condition thing rolling again. Where, and I’m not even kidding, Trump’s dumbass admin is trying to roll back the Affordable Care Act - which would once again put pre-existing conditions back into play... which pregnancy was considered a pre-existing condition. I wish I was making this up. That’s just a small window into how fucked the system was and could so very easily be again. By the way, the ACA didn’t happen until the mid-90′s. So my generation is the first that was able to actually get pregnancy fucking covered under insurance with no bitch-sessions. And, just for comparison - for the UK peoples out there, we paid over $4000 for the delivery of our son over ten years ago and we had extremely good insurance then that we paid over $800 a month for at the time. That was just his bill, not mine. Just for him. Also - for example... we have insurance, it’s not great insurance but it’s insurance. We pay about $100 a week for it through my husband’s company now. And, to date, this year... we’ve paid... out of pocket, not including the company’s one time benefit of $1500 on an HSA card which is nice but ultimately gone in a heartbeat, so, out of our pocket... not including premiums... we’ve paid almost $10,000 in medical expenses. Only $1000 of it is out of ordinary, for my husband’s procedure that he had to have. The rest has all been RX’s, doctor’s visits, and labs. So yea. There’s that. 

Paid time off. You’re fucking lucky if you get any of that here. That’s why companies tout it as being a benefit. “Oh, this company has good benefits” Good benefits = they actually offer insurance, doesn’t mean it’s good - and you get some semblance of paid time off. Companies here aren’t required to pay you anything extra for working on national holidays and they don’t have to give you any paid vacation or sick days, at all. They are only required to give you maternity leave of 6 weeks or paternity leave, if you request it but none of that is required to be paid either. There’s Family Leave, also not paid time off. And, they will and can do anything to get around paying time and a half for overtime. And, getting into the whole Employment laws thing - companies rely on people not knowing the laws so they can get away with shady ass shit. This happens everywhere, from the corner store and the fucking McDonald’s all the way up to corporate offices. 

College. HA! There are a million bright brilliant people in this country that don’t have a degree because they couldn’t afford to go to college. Or, their parents made just a smidge too much for them to qualify for financial aid and they didn’t want to be burred under a mountain of debt. We’re talking tens of thousands of dollars of debt, what a way to start your life out, huh? Four years at a University? You’re easily looking at $40,000 plus. Easy. Like, wouldn’t be hard to do at all and that’s not even the “best” University either. That’s just like... that one over there. Oh, and student loans? Yeah, interest is charged on those bitches too. Can’t pay them? Oh don’t worry, you can put them on hold for like 36 collective months or something, but they’ll still accrue interest the entire time. And that interest isn’t fixed either, it’s variable. So, good luck with that. 

Retirement? Fuck that. You better hope and pray that social security is still around. For some, even if you do what you’re supposed to and can actually squirrel some away for retirement - you can have some rich fat fuck in an office somewhere decide that he wants your money instead and bam, your retirement is just gone. And that’s assuming you can even afford to have any of your paycheck set aside. Because the cost to live in this country can be insane. True, there are rural places where the cost of living is cheaper but you also don’t get paid shit there either. 

And you still have medical bills when you’re old. What about Medicare, you might be wondering? Oh - you mean medical insurance for the elderly? That shit’s not free anymore. Sure, going to the doctor might be. But if you need an ambulance, you’re still fucked. If you need a prescription? You’d better hope you signed up during that small window for your prescription drug plan, which carries a monthly premium, so you can get your prescriptions. Because, old people never need those, right? And what about care? Well, Medicare will cover some care, like certain kinds of home health care. But not all. And if you need to go into a nursing facility for longer than 100 days? You’d better hope you got buku bucks because Medicare only pays for 100 days. Then, you’d better magically grow younger or some shit. Or, hope you’ve been paying for nursing home insurance. And, hope you’ve been updating that policy to reflect the insane rising costs of those places. Or, if you’re lucky, hope you’ve got family that will help take care of you. To get Medicaid though, you can’t have more than $2000 in assets, at all. That includes life insurance policies with cash values. You can keep your house and like one car but that’s it - and you can’t rent that house out or sell that car once you get Medicaid or you’re benefits can be interrupted because somehow, you can turn $500 into $2000 or something. And - this is the really shitty part, say you are in a nursing home and you do manage to get Medicaid. Medicare still won’t pay a dime to the facility but Medicaid will. But... they’ll also take your entire social security check minus $60 a month. So, if you do still have a house and a car to worry about that you cannot rent out, you’ll have to somehow make that $60 pay for any incidentals you might need (think soap... toothpaste... deodorant... your favorite candies... you get the idea) and for property taxes... insurances... all of that. So... good luck with that. 

Basically... the slogan here is that you can have the American dream if you work hard. But what they don’t tell you is that even if you do get it? You’re probably not going to be able to keep it. 

You can work your ass off your whole life, get that house, build a small business, make it. Not get filthy rich, but do okay. And then you get old and can’t work anymore but it’s okay - you’ve managed to save a little and you’ve got your social security so you’ll be okay. Until you get sick. Or your health starts to go downhill. Then, you’ll watch all that you worked so hard for have to be sold off just to pay your medical bills and go to pay for your care. If you’re lucky, you’ve got kids that can help. But someone, either you or them, is going to have to lose something in order to pay for your care. 

If you aren’t rich, you’ll still not be able to make it. There’s never a break.

For a country that’s all about freedom... you’ll never have a single moment where you’ll be free. 

And for those in the UK starting to go off about VAT. We still pay taxes. We pay sales tax, property taxes, extra taxes added to our gasoline, to the liquor, to the tobacco products, to fucking tampons! We pay licensing fees, renewal fees, tag fees, registration fees, vehicle sales taxes and title fees. We pay federal income taxes, many states pay state income taxes, fuck - some cities have city income taxes. We have toll roads and toll bridges. We still pay taxes on top of all of this. So give me fucking VAT any god damned day of the week if it means I can go to the fucking doctor and not drop $200 fucking bucks just for them to renew the same fucking prescription I’ve been on for years so I can go to the pharmacy and pay $30 for a generic RX for one month. 

[onemuseleft]

Okay, okay so. I remember you posting about Tremors, cause they're all on Netflix now, and I was excited because I LOVED the original tremors and had no idea they put out more. I know you watched the second one, but have you seen the third??? please tell me you have the graboids have one more Final Form and it's fucking HILARIOUS IM DYING

I cannot explain to you how completely bullshit the third mutation is, or how bullshit the name for it is, or how inherently bullshit the third movie is. It’s Steven goddamn Keaton chewing up the scenery and saying “ass” approximately fifty-five thousand times, getting progressively more emphatic about it as he goes, like at first he wasn’t sure he should be yelling “ass” at work, and then deciding that by god he was going to yell “ass” with the best of them. He slings around giant rifles and faux explosives, and then fights a man-eating monster with a homemade potato gun which I am 100% certain inspired Iron Man 3. 

I don’t think they even had to pay him to do these after the second one.

My completely intellectual ranking of Tremors movies

#1Tremors - definitively the best. Possibly to blame for my deeply weird love of monster/disaster movies. Has Kevin Bacon and his probably not totally heterosexual life partner Earl. The lady scientist is a badass and treated more respectfully than the last 200 Oscar bait dramas I’ve seen. Lex from Jurassic Park rides a pogo stick and a walkman through the whole movie. Steven Keaton and Reba McEntire are married and argue about elephant guns. Genuine build up of suspense and they slowly realize they’re cut off. There was actual thought put into the plot and resolution. Not a lot, you get me, but it holds up.

#2 Tremors 2: Aftershocks - The lady scientist is a slightly older lady who isn’t ashamed of her sexuality and Earl gets a sidekick to make up for Kevin Bacon not needing a paycheck bad enough to do another one of these. Reba McEntire left Steven Keaton because of the breakup of the Soviet Union. The funniest thing in this entire movie is Steven Keaton’s face. There is more attention paid to the physics of exploding monster guts than I expected there to be and I respect them for that. 

“I feel I was denied critical, need-to-know information!” “I am completely. Out. of ammo!” *slides to the ground* “That’s never happened to me before.”

#3 Tremors 5: Bloodlines - okay, controversial opinion here, but I LIKED the fifth one! Steven Keaton goes to Africa to teach the local population how to handle a Graboid attack and the locals are like, nah bro, we got this. There’s a badass lady. Steven Keaton screams a lot and gets locked in a cage. This is the first one with CGI where they actually paid the animators more than $2 and it shows. Every white person who isn’t Steven Keaton or Steven Keaton’s new sidekick gets eaten. HAS A LADY DOCTOR WHICH IS CLOSE ENOUGH TO A SCIENTIST. I accept the apology I demanded at the end of Tremors 4. 

#4Tremors 4: The Legend Begins - Man it’s old-timey monster bullshit, there’s very little to dislike as long as you don’t think about it too hard. Steven Keaton plays a dirtbag capitalist who’s afraid of guns just to prove he’s got range. They kill monsters with a steam engine. The only thing that would have made it better is if they had bribed Kevin Bacon into coming back and playing his own ancestor. There is no lady scientist, I demand a formal apology.

#5: Tremors 3: Return to Perfection - They say the word “ass” so many times that it loses all meaning. Steven Keaton gets eaten by a Grabboid. This is the first movie where the hot girl isn’t a scientist and I resent it. The only scientist in this movie is a dirtbag and I resent it. Badass lady scientists are the fucking backbone of this franchise! That having been said, Jodi is a badass lady businesswoman and the movie treats her respectfully (seriously, the first three movies have the love interests wearing practical clothes, killing monsters and standing up for themselves).

#6 Tremors 6: A Cold Day in Hell - I’ll be real, I only saw it once, and I didn’t like it enough to watch it a second time, but maybe I was unfair. The only part I remember liking is they brought back the recurring joke of “I’m trapped and have to take my pants off to escape!” but the punchline is that the girl isn’t wearing any underwear. In their defense, they find another way. Something something snow? Has a lady scientist, so probably deserves to be higher up the list just for that. Damnit, now I have to rewatch this.

Anyway, you should definitely watch the rest of them, especially if you’re a big fan of bullshit because there is so much bullshit.

[clevercatchphrase]

2019 year in review

So… The 2010’s are almost over. Huh. What a decade it’s been. Hard to comprehend how much has changed in 10 years. I can barely believe that I was in high school at the beginning of this decade, and now I’m a college graduate with 2 degrees who’s been working at the same job for the last 3 years. But trying to summarize the past 10 years in a single post is a good way to give myself an existential crisis, so let’s not do that! Instead, let’s just focus on 2019 because there has been more than enough shit that’s happened to me in this year to talk about.

PART 1 OF 2: 2019 AND 2020 GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS

Huh, looking back through my archives, I apparently didn’t make a tumblr post about my goals this year. I definitely had some, though. Lemme list ‘em off real quick, and then we’ll go through them point by point.

1)      Pay off all my student loans 2)      Finish some song comics 3)      Make art for my Redbubble account 4)      Finish the first rough draft/script of a game I wanted to make 5)      Practice ASL 6)      Sew some stuffed animals 7)      Finish some fan fictions 8)      Work on Ghost Switch 9)      AMVs 10)   Do some original writing 11)   Make illustrations for my fan fictions

Okay, first off, the student loans. I was actually SO CLOSE to successfully completing this one bUT THEN MY CAR HAD TO BE A WHINEY PISS BABY AND HAVE ITS ALTERNATOR DIE ON ME WHILE I WAS ON THE HIGHWAY AND THEN A BLOW OUT THREE WEEKS LATER.

GOD, if I had to summarize this year in two words, for me it would be “Car troubles”. I swear I spent more on auto repair in the first third of this year than I ever have just freakin’ OWNING a car. All four of my tires had to be replaced, my alternator failed and my car literally just SHUT OFF while I was driving, and I was barely able to coast into a gas station. Both my front breaks and rear breaks were worn down the metal and I only learned this when my car was barely able to stop after I had to slam the petal down full force!  I went in for an oil change, and they found some problems and then I didn’t get my car back for three days! I don’t even like owning a car! I hate driving! I hate my country’s refusal to provide universal, free public transportation! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!

Oh-kay… number 2. Finish some song comics. I didn’t finish any. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t work on them. I have made tiny progress, but that’s certainly better than no progress. One of these song comics I hope to be realizes is going to be a collab with one of my friends. It’ll be a long-time coming as it’s pretty low priority for the both of us, but if anyone else out there was disappointed with KH3’s ending, we’re gonna have ya’ covered… With SONG!

3. Make some redbubble art. I actually did this one! Not in the way I expected, but I added (technically) 3 new designs to my redbubble in the middle of the year. If you like butterflies and dragons, I got some product for you~!

Number 4, finish a script for a game I want to make. I… thought about this. I thought about this a lot, but I never put pen to paper, so… oops. It almost happened! I debated making this my main writing project for NaNoWriMo this year, but ended up having more inspiration for another story. Maybe next year? (god, I hope not. I don’t want to wait a full year just to write something)

Number 5, practice ASL. I just straight up didn’t do this and I only have myself to blame. Still keepin’ up that Danish Duolingo streak, though. 4 years going strong and not a day missed yet.

Number 6, sew some stuffed animals. Again, another one I just straight up didn’t do, but I have an excuse of trying to save money while my car crashed and burned in every other sense except literal this year. Hopefully 2020 will be different. I’ll definitely be able to pay off this last loan within the first half of 2020, and then I can start saving for whatever I want to buy.

Finish some fan fictions was number 7, and I did this! Well, I only finished, 1, but it was a story I’ve been working on for over 3 years, and it came out to over 200 THOUSAND words long, which is the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I’m quite proud of myself. Now that the big story is out of the way, and I’ve gotten into a good rhythm of working on Ghost Switch, maybe I can squeeze in some short writing sessions more frequently. (either that, or just wait for my car to break down again and then go on a writing spree in a pepboys. The lord and the fan fic discord know that’s solely why I finished my other fic this year)

Speaking of Ghost Switch, working on it was a goal this year too, and I did that! I kept it up all year and took a vacation in November and it was wonderful. While the major plot points have been in place since before I started drawing, I still need to script each arc beyond Snowdin, but hey, by the time we get there, it’ll be 2022 so I got time. (Note, don’t do this, kids. Script your stories and comics thoroughly before publishing. The road I’m on is paved with misery and pain and it will only end in tears unless I change lanes soon)

Number 9, amvs. Do people make AMVs anymore? Idk… the last one I made was... Jesus, 5 years ago? (it was a gravity falls/fall out boy crossover, if you were curious) I’ve been wanting to do 2 more for just as long, but in order for me to do that, I’d have to spend time re-watching the shows to find the footage, and then actually edit them together, and I just don’t…. feel like it. Maybe someday, but not any day soon.

10; do some original writing. I did this! For nanowrimo! I wrote the first draft of some original fiction I’ve been planning for a year or two now and it completely sucks! But it’s on paper now and I’m happy. Will I revise and edit it? Sure, but not for a while. I want to let it sit and forget about it and look at it with new eyes months from now so I can be sure I can make it better when time comes to rewrite.

11, make illustrations for my fan fics. Now that You Monster is done, I want to go back and add pictures to it. I didn’t do any this year, but I did keep a list of scenes I wanted to draw, so I have plenty of ideas to do as warm up sketches next year~ I kinda want to stream them~

So, that was 11 goals, and I successfully fulfilled 4 of them! That’s! Not a very good ratio… QmQ So, goals for 2020. Some I’m gonna keep from this year, some I’m gonna drop and some I’m gonna add. In short I would like to,

1)      Finish paying off that last student loan 2)      Put more stuff on my redbubble 3)      Illustrate my own fan fics 4)      Sew at least one stuffed animal 5)      Make an enamel pin 6)      Read one new book a month 7)      Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic 8)      Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make 9)      Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch 10)   Boost my patreon

Most of these I think are pretty self-explanitory, but I’ll go into detail just a bit because I’m on a roll and typing my thoughts helps me feel less alone in the middle of the night when you’re super tired and you know you should probably go to sleep, but the toddler in you is throwing a tantrum and doesn’t wanna go to sleep just yet, but you can’t fight the progression of time either way.

Number 1- I should be able to reach this goal by the end of March. End of June at the absolute latest. Once that goal is met, my secret new year’s resolution will be unlocked as well!

Number 2- I want to put more art of my OCs on redbubble. These OCs are tied to the game I want to make. There’s already some art of them up there, but I want at least one piece for each character.

Number 3- Mostly for You Monster. Embrace the cardinal rule of fan fic and apply it to fan art. If you want to read about see art about certain ideas, scenarios, or what-ifs, you gotta make it yourself.

Number 4- I have 3 potential ideas to sew. One is definitely leagues easier than the other two and will probably be chosen if/when I have the time and materials.

Number 5- This year I got really, REALLY into the idea of making enamel pins. Unfortunately it’s a pretty big investment (like, $350 to make 100 pins you  might not even sell). If this happens, it’ll probably be towards the end of the year, and if I get enough interest. I’m currently torn between making an original enamel pin and one based off Undertale. We’ll just have to see where this goes.

Number 6- Back in 2018 when I paid off one of my many student loans, I rewarded myself by spending over 200 dollars in used books. All these books had a theme; they were focused on dragons because I have a problem. I have not yet read a single one of these books I have bought, and I would like to fix that. I have, like, 20 unread dragon books, and even if I only read 12 out of 20, I would consider that an amazing accomplishment and money well spent.

Number 7- I currently have about 8 different WIPs I could work on. (well, I don’t know if I can even call them wips. More like, a general idea and a title written down.) I want to build good writing habits, and if I can write just 200 words a day, hell, even 200 words a week and just one of my 8 stories done, I would consider this goal met.

Number 8- I’m torn between making my game in unity or ren’py. I know jack shit about both. Ren’py is more user friendly, but unity will allow me more customization. (Lol, can you guess what kind of game I want to make yet?)

Number  9- I really just want the full story to be done and written incase anything goes horribly terribly wrong in my life and I find myself unable to continue making ghost switch in comic form. Then at least I can finish the story by other means, you know?

Number 10- It always surprises me every month when I get that patreon email saying I got paid. Sure, I don’t even make double digits on it, but it still awes me enough to know that people out there like my work enough to throw me a tip. I can’t thank my patrons enough for supporting me and I hope to one day be in such a good place I can update my comic/song comics/writing frequently enough without need for goals or milestones. But until that magical day arrives, money is always a great incentive for anything, I suppose. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 ALRIGHT. PART 2 OF 2: SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2019

Cheesus crust what a year. This year started off great! Back in late January Kingdom Hearts 3 FINALLY released, and let me tell you a little story. Back in the summer of 2006 I was a 13 year old middle schooler with no way of making money other than by doing house hold chores at a rate of 25 cents a task. A few weeks ago, I had a sleep over at a friend’s house and they let me play this weird game called “Kingdom Hearts” and god, I was instantly hooked on it. That summer, I did over 800 chores, enough to earn myself 200$ and buy myself a playstation 2 (just in time for the ps3 to come out, gg me) The only games I had for the ps2 were KH1, 2, Re:CoM and Okami, and I beat them all… except Okami. Miffed that the PS3 wouldn’t allow for backwards compatibility, little 13-year-old me made a promise. I looked myself in the mirror and said “I will not buy the next playstation console until KH3 comes out, AND BOY that was probably a good choice for me to make with my level of gaming. I’m even less of a casual gamer than the average casual gamer, but I have been waiting 13 years for this piece of closure, and I even told my friends and family that “the day Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out is the day I will buy a playstation 4”. My dad apparently thought this was the funniest shit, because he literally took the day off from work that Friday to drive me on base to get the game and console (he thought it would be less crowded than a regular walmart, I suppose). I paid $400 on a ps4 pro while he bought me the game. Again, I have an impecible sense of timing seeing as the PS5 is now right on the horrizion, but just like before, I’m not buying a new console until the next KH game is released. See you in 2045, sony~. While I was at the gamestop on base, I also picked up Okami HD and The Last Guardian. For all of February and even early March, I took my time playing through KH3. And…! It was the best disappointment I’ve ever played. After a month away from gaming, I started The Last Guardian and finished it in a couple weeks. I love trico and would die for him, but trying to get 100% completion on that game is udder insanity. Okami, HD, however… again after a month break after finishing TLG, I started replaying Okami. I think I had only managed to get about halfway through the game before I just… stopped playing it on my ps2 version. I am currently SO CLOSE to getting a 100% on the ps4 version. In fact, I’ve beaten the game. I only (techinically) need 2 more trophies to be done; 1st, escape the water dragon without being eaten, 2nd, I need to beat that dumb stupid race with Kai, in order to get the last bead on my rosary, as well as the top dog trophy. I hate her so much. I hate this race so much. It’s awful and bad.

Flash forward to December! Earlier this month I was at Barnes and Noble, buying myself a planner for 2020. I exit the store and notice that there’s a gamestop across the street. For shits and giggles I go inside to look at their game selection, and I find KH 1.5 and 2.5. Now, my PS2 died a few years back (it just won’t read my discs anymore, I don’t know why) and I haven’t been able to replay any of my other kingdom hearts games since. If you had seen me the day I finished kingdom hearts 3, after the ending credits rolled, you would have heard me say “Man…. I wish I could play kingdom hearts 2 again”. AND NOW I CAN, ALONG WITH BBS which I had never even played yet, but knew the story of. I’ve restarted playing kh1, and I was so happy to hear that familiar music when I booted the game up for the first time. While at the game stop, I also picked up Rime and Tearaway, two games that had looked interesting to me. At the time of writing, I’ve finished Rime and am 25% done with tearaway. Rime was…. An interesting experience. I learned about it through Jacksepticeye’s channel a couple years back and thought the art style was enticing. For a super casual gamer like me, I found the puzzles just the right level of challenging and exploring was a blast! The music gave me VERY strong Princes Mononoke vibes, but the overall story left something to be desired. Overall I had fun, and enjoyed completing this game to 100%. Now for tearaway. Can I just say this game is super fucking adorable? I know the original was on the ps vita and the gameplay there was arguably more diverse and imaginative, but this game is just so fucking cute I don’t care?? ALSO, this game’s sound track is ABSOLUTELY incredible and I’ve only heard the first fourth of it! Listen to The Orchards, Pig Riding, and Gibbet Hill Pilgrimage for a taste of their wonderful beats and fantastic use of string and woodwinds! God, I’m so excited to get some more games in 2020. I’m proud to say I currently own more ps4 games than I ever did with my ps2 (and now the majority AREN’T Kingdom Hearts titles!), and I’m still hoping to play Journey, The Witness, and Abzu before everything becomes ps5.

What else happened to me this year. Oh, I went to a doctor for, like, the first time in seven years. I also had my blood drawn for the first time ever, and the nurse said the most disturbing thing to me while she did it. Now, whenever I get shots, I refuse to look. I did that here. So she thought it would be appropriate to say to me “Can you feel your blood leaving your body?” Lady… You can clearly see I am uncomfortable with what is happening here. Why, of all the things you could say, did you choose to say that. Unfortunately, while my doctor is nice, she keeps wanting to run tests on me, that I just cannot afford with my current salary, and my monthly insurance is about to go up to 200$ a month, so I’ve cancelled my next appointment with them, and don’t plan to go back until it’s absolutely necessary. Capitalism is fun, guys. Preventative healthcare is for wusses.

I started going to a chiropractor on a monthly basis. Story time- I don’t know when it started, but sometime late last November I began to notice that I had a headache that just... wasn’t... going away? And each day it was starting to get a little worse. It made it hard for me to find a comfortable position to sleep, it made it hard for me to be in bright areas or move fast. So I said to myself “Okay, if this headache persist through the month of december, then something is proooobably wrong and I should go see someone about it. And hoo-boy were thing wrong with me. By the time this January rolled around, I couldn’t even stay on my feet for more than a few hours without it physically hurting to just BREATHE. So I started going to this chain called The Joint (A+ name, I know). THey aksed me “How are you doing?” I said “I’m in pain” and they said “We can help fix that!”. I’ve only been to a chiropractor once before in my life a few years back after my freshmen year of college because I began to notice my hips weren’t able to support me? LIke, I would lie on my back, and I couldn’t push my hips up when my feet were flat on the floor. I also couldn’t climb anything steep, because my legs just couldn’t push me up if my knee had to bend more than 90 degrees when I lifted my leg up. (Turned out both my hips were apparently out of place). This time only one of my hips were out of place (which they fixed. they said one of my legs was an inch “longer” than the other because I had been leaning all my weight on one leg when I stand). But two of my ribs were apparently “Stuck” which was why it was hurting for me to just breathe, and one of my shoulders was missaligned too, causing one of my trap muscles to constantly be streched, which was pulling on my skull, and causing the headache. Anyway, after they popped all my bones back into place, I still felt terrible, but by god, that night was the first time in weeks I was able to sleep without a migrane. A chiropractor can’t magically heal your arthritis, or fibro, but I definately think they have merit to keeping your posture good and helping your body with things like circulation. 10 outa 10, would recomend. It’s all the fun of getting your neck snapped without the dying!

Earlier this month I got together with two of my friends and we baked Christmas cookies. It was a lot of fun, as well as a great learning experience. A member of my family has a gluten allergy, so we used rice flour for most of the cookies. We learned this is a bad idea! The cookies will just fall apart! A few member’s in one of the friend’s family have nut allergies. Other friend and I knew this and were careful to avoid cookie recipes with nuts, bUT THEN COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT ALMOND MILK AND ALMOND EXTRACT COUNT AS NUT. IN FACT, ALMOND EXTRACT IS PURE CONCENTRATED NUT JUICE AND WE FELT SO BAD FOR ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY POISONING THE FAMILY.

Earlier this year me and these same friends took a field trip to Hobby Lobby and just dicked around the store for a couple of hours. It was super fun, 11 outa 10, would recommend, a great date idea for your artsy S.O.

Back in May I went to a wedding for the first time in my life. (well, not true, but the first one I could remember) we left at 5am, drove 5 hours to get there, hung out at a zoo and spent the night in a la quinta before the wedding day. I slept on the bathroom floor because my mom was snoring too loud in the main room and keeping me awake, and the rest of the day was just spent me trying to keep myself together because I was pissed off and tired.

Other than all of that, nothing really major happened to me this year. I guess one more thing I’ve tried to do this year is started the process of breaking certain internet addictions so I can use my free time for more personal projects. Seriously, I found myself watching way too much youtube and following blogs that didn’t even make me happy. I had a personal intervention with myself where I sat down and asked myself, “why do you watch these videos and youtubers? Why do you follow these blogs? Do you really enjoy their content? Do you really care? If you stopped watching/following them, would you even notice?” After critically thinking it over, I’ve found myself unfollowing several channels and blogs and suddenly I feel so much happier. I thought I would miss it, but I realized I didn’t really care if I saw their content or not. I wasn’t missing much. And now I feel like I have more time to draw, read and write. If you think you spend too much time consuming and not enough time creating, I suggest you try and de-clutter your internet habits as well. It’s done wonders to un-fuck my headspace.

And… well, that about sums up my year. How are your holidays going? Anything fun, exciting, dramatic happen to you this year? I hope your new year is warm and safe! Good night, everybody!

[celestica-1988]

My Heroine

Nikki Sixx The Dirt! x Female Reader.

Warning: smut

You waited for this night for months.

You took the ticket as soon as it was available and you kept it as a treasure: your precious Mötley Crüe concert ticket.

You weren’t disappointed, the guys did their best to give the crowd a memorable show and they didn’t fail.

During those two hours you sang, screamed, jumped and moshed as it was the last night of your life. Even now, in the parking of the arena, in the frozen New York November you felt some warmth in your heart.

At some point someone started to scream that the band was going to the bus and you ran like the others, luckily there weren’t many people so the Crüe had some times to talk and joke with the fans.

When it was your turn you hugged Tommy, Vince and Mick, they were all relaxed, Nikki was different. It was like he didn’t know what to do when someone hug him, but after some seconds he hugged you tightly.

They all signed your notebook and you waved at them together with the others fans.

You moved towards the metro looking at the autographs, considering of getting them tattooed or not, when you see a small note by Nikki.

“Come to my room, it’s the 66 at 6th floor.” You froze.

Was it true? Can you really go to the address of the hotel?

What if it was just a game?

You weren’t a common girl, you were a fat one. The nature didn’t bless you with height, but with an enormous belly, gross thigh and short legs. You weren’t pretty and all the people in elementary, middle school and highschool took remember you it as a job. Not a day passed since someone insulted you, hurted you and someone even beated you.

Yea, you had two wonderful blue eyes, but the world didn’t care for your eyes or sweet soul, all that mattered was your body and your was so ugly you considered suicide more than one time.

Was Nikki message another way to remind you that you were a fat ass, ugly and unlovable girl?

Could you trust him?

No, you couldn’t, because, after all, you didn’t know him, but you decided to go the same. If you didn’t you would probably kick your ass for missing such a chance for all the rest of your life.

The hotel wasn’t too far away so you walked to it and when you saw it you were amazed, it was a very expensive one. You stepped in the hall and you felt like Cinderella going to the ball, just your prince wasn’t a prince at all. You looked for the elevator and reached the six floor, once you were out of the machine a man wearing a black suit stopped you.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. But the sixth floor is reserved for Mötley Crüe.”

“I’m here to meet Nikki Sixx.”

You said with the more firm voice you can find.

“Can you show me an invitation or something?”

You got a bit irritated, but then remember that he was used to girls who tried to sneak in without permission. You handed him the note and he read it carefully.

“Ok, you can go. But, please, be careful.” You nodded and walk till the door with a 66 in it, uncertain you knocked a couple of times. Nikki opened the door and smiled.

“Come in, dude.” You obey and looked at the messy room.

“You know my name, but what’s yours? I don’t like calling people dude for the whole night.”

“My name is Y/N.” You answered smiling.

“So, how was the concert tonight?” You started telling him how beautiful and funny and like if it was a dream come true.

He smiles happily so you chatted till when you see a wound still bleeding on Nikki arm’s. You stopped talking.

“Whats up, Y/N?” “Why are you hurt?”

You gestured at the wound.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I broke a Jack Daniels bottle and one of the pieces cuts me.”

“Where the first aid kit?” “In the bathroom, I think.” You went to look for it and when you find it you came back to Nikki.

“Stretch the arm, please.” “Ok.” You removed the blood, disinfects the wound and then made a little bandage.

“Wow, thank you! It’s the first time that someone got worried and treat my wounds!”

His voice was genuinely surprised.

“I’m studying to become a nurse.” You smiled to ease the tension, but the air in the room was changed and there was nothing you could do about it. He was looking at you in a way that screamed sex, but also with something that show a need for affection, your breath became deeper, totally aware that your bodies were close.

It was the time for the discourse and you hated it, but you had to protect yourself. “Listen, I know I’m not here to just chat.” You winked towards the bed.

“So, I have a question to ask you and, please, be real.”

You breathed heavily.

“Do you wanna fuck me because I’m nice or interesting, whatever or because you made a bet with your friends? Like I give you 100 dollars if you fuck the fat ass.

Because if it is the first situation I’m totally fine with it, but if it is the second situation let’s stop here and say goodbye.” Nikki look was confused.

“No, I don’t wanna fuck you for a stupid bet. I’m not at highschool anymore.”

“Then kiss me.” You smiled at him, reassured.

The kiss was not sweet or gentle, it was rough and full of passion, his hands were everywhere and your were tangled in his hair. Soon the clothes were all over the room and you were moaning under his touch, he was sucking your neck. Tomorrow you would have many hickeys to hide, but so him. You felt electricity every time his big hand caressed you next to the thigh. You screamed when he slowly started to rub your clit.

“So wet for me.” He whispered.

You give a little squeeze to his boxer.

“So hard for me.” Something animalistic passed through his eyes and suddenly you find yourself giving him the back, he kissed your spine and your ass and then, with one form thrust he entered you. You had no time to adjust, still you were dripping with pleasure, moaning and screaming.

“Be loud for me, angel.” He caressed your hair after minutes of pulling them to give you the right rhythm.

“Is it okay, angel? Am I too rough?

Sex is fun just if we both enjoy it.” You weren’t used to such rough se, but you liked it and you liked even more that your partner worried about you.

“I’m fine. Fuck, I’ve never been better.” He kissed your neck and keep thrust.

“Y/N, you’re tight!”

He moaned.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” “Me… to…” You exhale with the last breaths.

You were floating somewhere around the room, pleasure took you away and made you feel so special.

When you came back to earth you noticed Nikki between your legs with a smirk.

“What?”

“Sh! Just enjoy, love.

You’ve been so good.” You heard stories about how the bassist likes to eat out his female partners, but, fuck, you didn’t think he was so good. His tongue moves with expert movement in your most sensible spot and he rubbed a thumb around your clit that you were about to beg him to finger you.

But he did and the waves of pleasure took away another time.

“You taste good.” You looked at Nikki with a faint smile, you were happy and tired at the same time.

“And you meet all the expectation. I can’t even breathe.” He laughed and he laid next to you.

You look for your panties and put up a Nikki’s tee when he grabbed your fist.

“Where are you going?” “Isn’t how it work? You fucked me and now we say goodbye.” “Come here.” He patted the space next him.

“You aren’t going anywhere tonight.” His voice was sleepy and he curled up against you, with an arm through your stomach.

“Goodnight, Angel.”

“Goodnight, Nikki.” And you both felt asleep.

  You woke up feeling a nice warmth. During the night Nikki changed position and you were laying over his chest.

You would never leave that room, you would like that moment lasted forever.

Unluckily it happened, Vince opened wide the room’s door, startling both of you.

“You did it, old bastard!”

He threw 200 dollars on the bed.

“I did what?” “You fucked the fat ass!”

You froze.

“No, Y/N is not what it seems…” You slapped him.

“You’re a liar, fucking piece of shit!”

You got up, wore your jeans and shoes and slapped Vince with all your strength.

“Fucking moron, fuck you, jerk!” “We are you fave band, sweetie, you can’t …” “Fuck off, you aren’t my favorite band anymore.” You stormed out the room and almost knocked down Tommy.

“Are you okay?

Do you want me to call you a taxi?” “I have no money.” “I’ll pay for you.” “Well, thanks then.” You and him reached the hall, found an empty cab, you told the taxi driver your address, Tommy paid and you were finally away from that nightmare. Tears started to fall, you felt used and violated, you felt a piece of trash.

No more sex with rockstars.

You said to yourself.

Doesn’t matter how hot, nice or kind they might appear.

You finished your vow.

New York seemed even colder than usual that morning and you just wanted to sleep and not exist for a while.

Luckily the taxi driver didn’t ask you why you were crying your heart out in you car.

You arrived at your flat complex and stumbled inside, the goddamned elevator was out of use so you used the stair till the last floor.

You opened the door and collapsed on the couch, crying yourself to sleep.

You were awakened from strong knocks at the door, you took a baseball bat and carefully opened the door.

It was Nikki.

“What the fuck do you want?” You said sternly standing against the doorframe, your arms crossed on your chest with one hand whom still old the bat.

“Hi, Nikki. Nice to see ya. Wanna come in?” You flashed him a furious look.

“I won’t repeat. What do you want?” “I wanna talk to you.” “No need of it, your friend were clear enough.” “No, he wasn’t. It is not what it seems!”

“Say another cliché and I will use the bat mercilessly.”

“Listen. Ok, it’s true. I made a bet with Vince two days ago, the one who fucked a fat girl would win 200 dollars, but I was drunk as hell. I completely forget about it, I swear.

When I had sex with you it was because I like you not for the bet.”

Your hands clenched on the bat.

“Is it another bet now? How much this time?”

“No bet. I beat the shit out of Vince.

You are not like the others, you are my heroin!” Your eyes widened.

“What?” “When I use heroin I did because I feel the warmth that my mother couldn’t give me. When you hugged me, fix that wound and tonight I felt the same thing!”

He was desperate, but you were too hurt by the way it ended.

“You’re batshit crazy. Leave before I fucking beat the crap outta you!” You came back in your apartment and ignored the knocks, they stopped when your neighbor – a bodyguard – got rid of him.

You started to study, unable to do other things and you immersed yourself in the book.

At midnight you decided to have a break and ate something, Nikki was on the other side of the street under the snow.

Fuck him.

You ate a sandwich and then you started to study again.

The sun went down, but you stopped just around seven o’clock to prepare yourself a dinner. You watched out of the window and Nikki was still there, just lying in the sidewalk, unconscious.

The nurse in you kicked in: you open the door, climbed down the stairs and crossed the street. You touched his face: it was frozen. You looked for the pulse and you found it, but it was weak.

Without even thinking twice you carry the man on your shoulders and started move towards the house. It was partially your fault if he was almost frozen to death.

  Dragging Nikki from the ground to the last floor wasn’t easy.

The elevator didn’t work again – did it ever work a day from when you lived there? – and the stairs seemed never-ending, but you did it.

You removed all his clothes – yes, also the underwear –, picked a towel and dry and massaged him to heat him up. Then you take some clothes that your ex left there and dressed Nikki and you dragged him in your room. You covered him with all the blankets you found and then you went to sleep on the couch.

It was a long day, you were dead tired.

At some point during the night, you felt the presence of someone next to you, you carefully opened your eyes and you almost screamed when you saw Nikki.

“It’s okay, I’m Nikki.”

Panting and feeling your heart beating faster you looked to him.

“What were you doing?” “Watching you sleep.” “Why the hell?” You were confused, hurt and clueless. The bet was over so why was he still lingering around you?

“I like you.” “As if.”

“Listen, Y/N, for all my life I never felt loved. Just a couple of time when I was a kid and Deana was nice with me. When it happened, I felt a warmth in my heart. Growing up I started to believe that I did not deserved love, so I looked only for sex. I found that warmth again in heroin, but, you know, on the long run it kills you slowly and painfully. It eats your brain.

Then you hugged me after the concert, you talked to me, took care of me and we had sex. I felt it again, the warmth.” “It was a bet.” “I already told you I forgot about it. Please, believe me.

When Vince came in and threw the money I would’ve liked to kill him. I beated him, because he ruined the first time I feel something for a girl.”

“Nikki, stop.

Don’t make it worse. You can’t love me: I’m a fatass, you will grow tired of my big body.” You tried to hold back the tears, but Nikki saw them.

“I love your body, there so much to hug and caress.”

You stayed silent, you didn’t know what to say.

You needed a moment to process that Nikki fucking Sixx almost froze to death to talk to you, to tell you that he liked you.

He fucking liked you.

“Do you really like me?”

“I think yes, I think I even love you, but I’m not good with feelings.” Your heart skipped more than one bit,

You were torn apart, one part of you yelled to forgive and kiss him, the other one to not trust him.

“How can I trust you again?

How can I be sure that you ae not joking?” “There is no way, Y(N. Just follow your heart.” You looked at him. He was sober, his eyes were sincere and he was nervous like a girl at her first date.

“I love you too.”

You whispered softly.

“But, please, don’t hurt me.”

“I won’t.” He lifted your chin with a long finger and kiss you slowly and gently, as you were both savor yourself.

He picked you up bridal style and he walked towards your room. He places slowly on the bed and then reached you, he was the big spoon, hugging tight from behind.

He kissed your neck.

“Goodnight, princess.

He said with a sleepy voice.

“Goodnight, rockstar.” You listened to him falling asleep and concentrate on how good you feel in Nikki arms.

They were like your house and you had no intentions to leave anytime soon.

[strayfarce]

The importance of budgeting

For a while I’ve been using a spreadsheet to monitor my budget and keep track of my expenses. It’s my one thing that I’m the most grown-up about and I get excited when I tell people about it because it’s something I think everyone should do.

This spreadsheet gives you a perspective on where your money goes, helps you stay on track (for the most part), carries your balances over from week to week and has the power to give you hope or depress you depending on your state of financial affairs. For the sake of this example, let’s pretend it’s the hope-giving kind. Even if it turns out to be depressing, it’ll give you an idea of where you can troubleshoot problem areas.

In this example, let’s pretend this represents a two-income household where each person is paid on Friday and that their philosophy is that all the money they respectively make gets pooled together for their expenses and that any remainder becomes part of their financial cushion or savings.

Each person’s check and each bill (row 1) is noted by the (approximate, or exact where appropriate) date that it is due. If you’re starting your financial week on payday, these are the bills that should come out of those checks. At the end of the week, any remainder is carried over into the next pay week. This allows you to see your base monthly expenditures.

With B1 and C1 being the approximate monthly income based on a 4-payweek cycle, [T1] is the approximate remainder of their income once their monthly needs of columns E-S are calculated.

There’s a happy surprise, though. If you’re budgeting based on a 4-payweek monthly income, there will be times where you’ll get an extra check within a calendar month (In this example, it occurs May ‘19, August ‘19, November ‘19, January ‘20, May ‘20, July ‘20, October ‘20, etc. it depends on when your pay dates fall when you set up your own spreadsheet). Squirrel that money away if you can. You weren’t budgeting for it so it’s extra.

“Carryover” would be any potential leftover income and that balance will update on the next pay week. This is represented here by the Sum in Column D being equal to the Sum in Column T from the preceding line [D4, =SUM(T3), D5=T4, D6=T5, etc]. After the formulas are entered, you can click on the bottom right corner of the cell and drag down the column and it’ll repeat the formula for every line so you don’t have to enter each one individually.

Persons A & B decided to start tracking their money before their payday on April 19th of this sheet and to begin they have $159.21 in their bank account [T3]. They both get paid on Friday, their bank balance [T3, =SUM(B3:S3)] carries over into the next row as D4: [Formula: =SUM(T3)]. The only thing coming out of the April 19th pay week is their $200 car payment, $60 for gas, $125 for food for the week, and they’re spending $500 to repaint their living room and put in some shelves. That leaves them with 474. HOWEVER, and this is the important thing to remember, that amount is not expendable or available income. They’ll need some of that 474 to carryover to the week of April 26th because they have rent due, child support payments, insurance, cable, etc coming out. After those bills are paid, they’re remaindered with 272. THAT is their “cushion”.

***The lowest amount within a 4-5 week cycle gives you an idea of your financial cushion from month to month. If they don’t spend any more than the 272 during the month of April, they won’t be overdrawn.***

The main line of this spreadsheet (row 2) shows how much they budget for each bill in its respective column. Some amounts can be exact (like car or loan payments that never vary) and some can be estimated based on personal history (utility amounts, gas and food costs, miscellaneous personal expenses). For the fluctuating expenses, I always overbudget. If I regularly pay around $100 a month for utilities, I budget $120. “It’s better to have and not need than to need and not have.” If you spend around $50 every time you fill up your car, budget $60. When the bill is paid, you can update that cell with the exact amount. I fill the color in the cell with a light gray to show that I paid the bill, and you can check your account or add a comment with any confirmation codes you may have been given. When the amount is deducted from my bank account, because sometimes it takes time to process or the bank hasn’t taken the money out of your account yet, then I shade it dark gray. If there’s a difference between my bank account and what the spreadsheet says, I know “okay, this light gray bill that I paid hasn’t come out of my bank account yet.”

Persons A & B’s rent comes out on the 1st of May. You want to allocate that expense the week before the rent is due, so you substract that amount for the pay week of April 26. Person B owes child support every two weeks, allocate that amount. Utilities are due around the 15th, Insurance and cable are due at the end of the month. Repeat that for subsequent months. And do the same for any other bills, allocate your budgeted amounts to be deducted from the pay week before they are due. Ideally, the amount in column T at the end of the current pay week (Thursday night before you get paid) will mirror your bank account. Any differences in expenses (you went out to eat, bought snacks from the vending machine, shopped for new clothes, had to buy a new battery for your car, etc) can be added up and entered into the miscellaneous column. I usually add a “comment” in those cells with the cost breakdown of those expenses. “2.65 vending, 29.97 shirt, 14.11 Panera” and show the total of $46.73 of those expenses in the miscellaneous column.

You can also use the miscellaneous column to plan ahead for things you know you’re going to have to pay. You know your oil change is going to be due around a certain date. So and so’s birthday is coming up. In-laws are coming to visit and will probably want to eat out a few times while they’re in town. You have a vacation coming up. In this example, Persons A & B budgeted $500 for paint and shelving. Put those expenses in the miscellaneous column on the spreadsheet. It gives you an idea of what kind of hit your wallet is going to take after a major expense and how long it will take to financially recover from that expense. Or if you can afford it to begin with.

If you really want to get nutty, you can even plan major life expenses. In this spreadsheet, Persons A & B should have over $40,000 in savings by February of 2021 (allowing for a safety cushion of $9,000 in whatever expenses may come between now and then). They can decide to pay cash for a new car, put a down payment on a house, pay off a loan, take a trip around the world, whatever.

Maybe person A or B loses their job. So you erase the income column for them beyond the date of their last paycheck. As the numbers in column T dwindle down, you know what timeframe you have to find another job and still be financially solvent. Then when you’ve found that job, add in the new income after you start (wait until your direct deposit kicks in, naturally. Never add non-direct deposit funds into the spreadsheet until they are in, and available, in your bank account).

Maybe you want to squirrel away money in a savings account separate from your checking. Deduct that as spent income on the spreadsheet in a miscellaneous column (or add your own “Savings” column) and start a new sheet with your savings balance. If you don’t “see” it on the spreadsheet then you won’t be tempted to include it, so the savings stays where it’s supposed to. If you need to dip into it for an emergency, add it in an empty or miscellaneous cell as income the week that you need it and don’t forget to subtract it from your savings spreadsheet.

Even when I was living paycheck to paycheck and I’d end a week with $1.31 as my carryover balance, this method has been helpful to me. And if I didn’t have money for groceries, I knew which week I’d need to plan to hit up the food pantry for sustenance (and there’s no shame in that. That’s what it’s for).

You can add columns where you need to, the formulas should automatically update. Like I said, I’ve been using this for years and it’s been a great tool for keep me focused and on track with my financial needs. I hope it helps you.

[pinkletterday]

Writer's Year In Review

This year has been a revelation. I went from deeply, irrevocably believing I can't write fiction at all to knowing that I'm actually pretty good at it!

It's given me the confidence to find work as a freelance writer and editor in real life, after years of unemployment and anxious paralysis resulting from chronic illness and trauma. A lot of other factors also helped but the fic writing played a huge role in getting my shit together.

General Fic Stats:

Word Count on AO3: 92284

Fics posted to AO3: 23

Favourite Fic:

Kiss It Better (Westallen).This fic is my baby. I love little Iris and little Barry in it so much, the hurt and confusion in each other they attempted to heal, how that healing carried into their adult love and family. It will always and always be my favourite thing I have ever written. Wee!stallen is my jam, and the reason I ship them so damn hard.

Do Not Go Gentle (Westallen). Ngl, I love this for the sheer amount of truly gratifying comments. Every single one of them have been emotional and flaily. It all makes me feel like I may have finally levelled up. Hallelujah. xD

Funniest Fic:

The Care and Feeding (Queenwestallen). This is my ultimate OT3. This fic, written as a list and discussion is 95% humour and contains some of my best banter and (I feel) characterization. An element I'm really proud of is how I managed to center and include all their important non-romantic relationships in their conversations. Iris's boisterous female friends, Oliver's friends, Cisco and Caitlin's snarky commentary all shoehorned themselves into the list with hilarious and wholesome results. 

It's not a popular OT3 but I feel like it's a good first attempt to drag this ship to water. xD

Cutest Fic:

Dancing Queen (Olivarry). Even after a year this contiues to be the fic with the highest kudos ratio (except for the more recent one) and the second most bookmarked. I love getting comments on this because they are all some variation of "my teeth hurt. I have diabetes!" xD Well, I did build it around a rainbow sprinkle icing sugar donut, but there is a significant dollop of angst there in the middle. A flangst donut.

Your Vigil In My Keeping (Westallen). This fic has less than 200 hits but has the highest kudos ratio of all. I guess kid fic isn't everyone's cup of tea, but Wee!stallen is cute af yo. I headcanon the origins of Barry and Iris's steadfast partnership in this story, where her faith and belief in him is as strong as his protectiveness of her, all tied up in the language and innocence of children.

Kinkiest Fic:

WA Smut and Kink Collection. I literally just posted this yesterday lol. So far it's just a face-sitting short, but I have quite a few hard and soft kinks lined up. Westallen needs more hard smut tbh, and they have such a unique powerfully loving dynamic that every kink I'm writing has required me to come at it a little bit sideways with a whole lot of emotional focus.

Saddest Fic:

Three fics I can't choose from.

Do Not Go Gentle (Westallen). This is basically Iris's grief and fear in a raging tempest, and it's strongly implied that the future Nora has warned them of will come to pass regardless of what they do. The fact is that there already is and will be a timeline where Iris loses Barry, just as there must be one where she won't, because that is the nature of potentiality. 

The Paradigm of Uncertainty (Westallen). This was a drabble almost, that ruminates on the probability that speedsters do not erase timelines but abandon them, along those versions of their loved ones. It's as @rkwago's brilliant comment says: "Iris hurts in so many weird, cosmic ways that her life is almost an eldritch horror house," which is the most perfect description ever of what it means to be a time traveller's wife.

The Universal Constant (Gen, background WA). A lot of people find the way Barry goes off on Joe cathartic in this fic, and so do I. But it's not so simple. I don't think Joe was wrong to form the views he did, or that anyone was in the wrong really. As @sophiainspace pointed out, it's a mediation of grief and love, their parallels and continuations between parents and children and lovers. The fact that it takes Henry's death for Barry to find the adult language to articulate to Joe why he will always believe in his father's innocence is a tragedy that cuts three ways.

(This fic is also the reason I have a folder in my drive marked "how to get away with murder" and probably a likely reason to get me arrested one day. xD)

Most Popular Fic:

Strangers In The Cold (Coldflash). The Coldflash fandom is a joy to feed. This was my first smut fic which was preceded by an entire chapter of banter about nothing in particular (except it ended up establishing a background that gave birth to the Coldflash vs Olivarry polyam series) And holy wow, for a newbie writer, the response has been amazing. Looking back, I wince at a lot of writing mistakes and its undeniably rough, but it really bolstered my confidence.

(I feel a little guilty that all my other CF stories are still in my WiP folder while I update the polyam series at snail's pace.)

The Shape of Us (Westallen). I wrote this on tumblr half-asleep one night, half as a rambly headcanon...and woke up to literally one hundred freaking notes. What the hell. Now at over 260, it's the most popular fic I've ever posted on tumblr.

I never consciously intended it to be a body-positivity fic but apparently women really relate to the insecurities of growing older and watching our bodies change with marriage, children and the sheer hectic pace of life. Even my non-fandom friends reblogged it simply for its representation of "real women". Barry's response is my own wish fulfillment fantasy; the sort of total acceptance and validation that we wish we could hear it the times we can't find it in ourselves. In light of the virulent body-shaming Candice Patton has been subjected to ever since she was revealed to have gained a fuller figure in S5, I'm very glad to have written it.

Least Popular Fic:

Carry On (Gen) This character study of Oliver Queen only has 135 hits a year after posting, which is par for the course with gen. But has a solid 12% kudos ratio, which means it's probably as good as I think it is. It's one of my favourite and easiest fics I have ever written.

Love Me Like You Do (Olivarry) Lordy, if my first Coldflash smut filled me with confidence, my first Olivarry smutfic all but ruined it. I struggled with it for a long time, unlike SitC, which I suppose shows in the over-descriptions. I got carried away with the quipping and I guess Barry topping at all is really not popular with slash fans?

Still, I'm honestly toying with the idea of deleting and rewriting it. At least it was a learning experience - don't write smut unless it makes you feel horny yourself.  

Most Challenging Fic:

Do Not Go Gentle (Westallen). I think the reason stories you knock off in two hours are instantly popular while the ones you slaved over for weeks barely get any attention is because the process is reflected in the ease of reading. But this one is an exception. It was an absolute monster, taking three weeks and several revisions to wrestle into submission - and it paid off in spades!  Going by the response, I seem to have achieved the wow factor I was going for.

My only regret is that I posted it on tumblr before the last revision that finally made it work, so that too many readers saw the lacklustre version rather than the polished one.

Honorable Mention:

A Stitch In Time (Olivarry for now, eventual Queenwestallen) Baby's first multi-chapter! Admittedly chapters 3 and 4 have been languishing in my drive for a few months now and this thing has 100% more deleted scenes and outtakes posted to my tumblr than the actual story on AO3. But I'm so proud of it! I learned to write action scenes because of it, how to write climaxes, dream sequences, news articles and tell a story in several different formats. It made me rediscover my empathy for Felicity and write her as a PoV character, think deeply on Laurel Lance's losses and give voice to her struggles, and explore how a real friendship and understanding could evolve between Oliver and Iris out of their mutual love for Barry. (Centering female characters within manpain narratives, ftw! Otoh, I centered Iris so much it veered off the Olivarry rails into Queenwestallen territory on its own)

There is so much meaty conflict and delicious looming disaster in this story that I'm determined going to keep at it, even if slow and steady. If only to bring the light of Barry/Iris/Oliver into the world. xD

Holding On (Olivarry). This real-world disability AU deals with chronic and mental illness and the precariousness and personal demons of that reality. I tore out the rawest parts of my life for this fic and put them on display so that I couldn't bear to show it to anyone for a year after it was written.

I'm very glad I did finally brush it off and put it up because it has struck a chord with so many people, especially other Spoonies. The low number of hits on a fic that deals in hurt/comfort rather stings, as I can't help but think the disinterest is because of the "disability" and "neurodivergence" tags. But I still think it's one of the best things I've written and one I'll always be proudest of.

General Reflections:

Things I've learned over the past year of writing:

- Self-deprecation is not my friend. I need to be honest enough with myself to acknowledge when my writing is good, because either I self-validate and build confidence or I become a black hole of insecurity where validation goes to die. And if I think I'm a bit better than I actually am, it's not just okay but necessary to believe it.

- What I call writer's block is perfectionism, anxiety and physical and mental fatigue. If I don't eat, sleep, hydrate and acheive a relaxed mental state, I won't be able to write. 

- Momentum is more my friend than any amount of inspiration and motivation. Sitting my ass down and make it a habit to churn out X number of words a day, even bad writing, will do more to help me than polishing an idea to a high shine. 

- If I don't forgive myself for the stories I can't write I'll never write anything. I am doing this for free, to share the love and joy and therefore obligated to no one. 

- I'm capable of writing things I don't have the first idea how to write. My fingers on a keyboard can paint the picture my brain can't visualize. 

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I am going to make it a personal goal to write at least 15k words per month, learn to stick to a posting schedule where possible.  and end next year with an additional 150k words posted. 

To everyone who follows this blog, commented, reblogged and liked my posts - I see and remember and appreciate every one of you. You're the reason I feel seen and valued and why I am motivated to keep writing through all the difficulties life throws at me. <3<3<3