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devine-fem · 8 months ago

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Hi! I saw that a little bit ago you said you might write an essay on jondami and if that's something you're still interested in doing I'd love to see your thoughts compiled in that way. No pressure though, I know it's a lot of work!

Okay, took me a bit but here it is: the long awaited essay on Damijon, get a snack and something nice to drink because this is going to be unapologetically long.

Misconceptions. Firstly, I don't know how else to explain that I personally don't exactly see Damian and Jon as children. I mean that they are older to me, and I feel this because with comic books when a character is a child that is their time for development and growing. With Robins they always have this inability to be allowed to grow up due to DC personally wanting Batman to always have a Robin in his arsenal. The thing with Damian and Jon is that they are made to reach a finish line. That finish line being Superman and Batman, which they cannot be before developing and growing into those mantles (if the writer is good and has common sense of course) first. We see that in DCeased, WW23 and other Damian books in the past that becoming Batman and Superman is an important topic for these characters, they have a long way to go. Admittedly, I do enjoy content as to where they are younger because that is where their dynamic peaked to me, I also think it's a very simple serotonin boost and if it's innocent then I really have no issue with indulging. But to me... that's not Damijon. Damijon is about friendship, Damijon is about always being able to seek and find in a certain person and I don't particularly care if this is platonic or romantic. It's important to remember that in canon, they are nothing but friends and I enjoy that all the same, but I also find it interesting to explore their dynamic if it was in a romantic context and that is what Damijon is all about to me. It's just "what would these two characters would do if they developed a different kind of affection towards the other." In my head, with as Damian is now, I doubt he'd be able to hold an intimate relationship without training wheels first and a very understanding partner. He's emotionally distant and he has this great fear of being abandoned which I think would suffocate the relationship. Children are confused and lost people who haven't found themselves yet and while Damian and Jon are both children... I don't exactly think there will be enough room for Jon's problems and Damian's problems as well. I also kind of struggle with wanted to rid them of their age gap, their age gap is just big enough to make it as if Damian has some authority over Jon. It makes it so eventually as Damian and Jon grew that Damian would be somewhat out of reach for Jon and perhaps, he could feel like he'd have to chase after Damian a bit when it comes to milestones and development. It makes them just a little bit more interesting and as I said, I don't exactly want to erase that.

A lot of people bring up the topic of maturity between these two but that would mean that Damian is more mature than Jon and you would know that this is not the case in the comics. The person who slings around insults is Damian, the person who acts brashly is Damian, the person or initiates fights is Damian. The immature one is Damian, he may act like he knows everything but he is a child, he’s incredibly immature and we should remember that.

Damian. It's particularly hard to describe both Jon and Damian separately for me at this point. To me they are something that should had never been separated. Something that comes as a set. Like one of them is missing the other when alone. The thing about Damian Wayne is that he spent his childhood years training to be a natural born winner. He never had a moment in Robin or Damian Al Ghul that let his life be truly his own. The thing about his relationship with both Talia and Bruce is that he feels as though he needs to earn affection and love, similar to how some children may feel this too after going through psychological abuse and neglect - this coming from both Bruce and Talia at times.

It should be noted that the comic that contains this panel is not a good representation of Talia and Damian's relationship but overall, this line is somewhat accurate and holds weight to their dynamic. Damian is someone who feels the need to earn his keep, it's instilled in his brain that basic things that others may get will not be given to him without him having to earn it first. Damian feels like he doesn't belong, like he's stuck between two worlds. He's burdened by constantly having a destiny, a path already carved into the ground for him. Jon. Jon is quite simple. His whole narrative revolves around similar themes as Damian to where Jon feels like he's not truly like his father but also not entirely like his mother. He wants to live up to being like his dad, but a lot of his own individualism gets lost in the process. He has this need to prove himself and make others proud. His upbring was simple and homey. Lois Lane and Clark thought that it'd be best to hide the fact that Clark is Superman and Jon is half kryptonian in order to provide him a mundane foundation as a person. There's not much to say about Jon alone because unfortunately his characterization was cut quite short. Let me talk about the age-up situation. Some people don't understand why this is such a bad thing for Jon's character, but I strongly believe that people of this opinion simply do not care about the character since this is character assassination in the most basic form. Jon's childhood was a very important part of his character as it is for literally all characters. That's where all his personality quirks and traits come in, that's where he can resonate with the audience the most, that's where his bonds with other characters are established. As Jon is now, he's being thrown into the finish line with no prior characterization. Jon's personality is going to be lost when writers pick him up, at times he even seems emotionless and purposeless. He is entirely unrecognizable to me. The only thing that has been established for him is his sexuality and his boyfriend and his solo revolved entirely around said boyfriend. The least they could do is make them good representation, but they aren't even that, sorry, it's jarringly obvious. And it's not just that its "getting in the way of my ship" because I don't want Jon and Damian to be canon, not really, not when this is how they treat a canonically queer character... look at what happened to Jon. I imagine that if they were to be canon then I'd find myself complaining about how DC can't do Jon and Damian's dynamic properly constantly. I don't have that much faith in them. It's disheartening that as a fan of him that I don't have as many good things of him that I do bad. The ship also suffers from this because it's literally about growing up beside someone and that childhood friends to lovers appeal.

Damian & Jon. A lot of time in Damian's stories because of his abrasiveness and offputting/distant personality, he finds it hard to make friends and sometimes it's not entirely the other person's fault. The thing about when he met Jon is that became a past time for him, he was someone who just wanted to be around - who actually went out of his way to be around him as well as they have a wholesome foundation for a friendship. Jon feels deeply for Damian as Damian feels deeply for him. Over and over again, Jon's life is threatened in some way which forces Damian to pull down his emotional walls and show that he does care for Jon.

It's established repeatably that Damian cares a lot for Jon because when he's in danger, he visually starts to panic. Even going as far as calling Jon by his first name which is rare for him because Damian calls everyone by their last name because he speaks very formally but when Jon gets hurt, Damian slips up to suddenly call him by his first name.

Damian was so shaken up that he accidentally calls Jon his friend afterwards, which is important to note because he has always refused to acknowledge their friendship for stubborn reasons. Also to note Damian's stubbornness I'd also like to mention the time where Damian refused to acknowledge Jon could join the teen titans, every time Jon proposed the idea, Damian shut him down till it came the time to vote on whether or not Jon does join the titans and Damian was literally the only person who raised his hand.

This was one of the moments I was most frustrated with Damian because all that arguing with Jon was truly just to annoy him and nothing more, he secretly believed Jon could join the titans the entire time but when it came down to it-

He only made himself and Jon look stupid and proceeds to brush off their friendship once again. I have to admit it is slightly interesting even when frustrating. As for Jon, yes, they bumped heads at first and Jon found himself getting extremely frustrated with Damian's attitude, but it was mostly because Damian is someone, he knows he's going to have to spend a lot of time working besides and he only wanted to be his friend while Damian seemed uninterested.

The thing about these two is that whether they like it or not, they will have to spend their entire lives beside each other. This is something no other dynamic in DC can really replicate. We know Jon feels deeply for Damian, it wasn't able to be verbalized often unfortunately but he has mentioned how highly he thinks of Damian, calling him "the strongest person I know" - stronger than him by far. He's one of the few characters that want to see Damian as he is and doesn't want anything from him, he just likes being around Damian.

And for Damian one of the few ways he knows to provide to Jon is taking him away and going on missions with him, it's kind of sad to think about how this is one of the few ways he knows how to express that he wants to be around Jon. He's gotten up in the middle of the night, went across the city and met up with Jon to hang out with him.

It's sad, yes, but also really sweet. A lot of characters assume the worst for Damian and think that he's bound to end up being the worst version of himself or think he's like a ticking time bomb ready to explode at any moment.

But instead, Jon refuses to acknowledge that Damian can be evil at all, denying entire alternate realities where Damian is slowly becoming the worst version of himself because he deeply believes that in Damian's heart, he could never be anything less than great. Their mantles. Not to talk about DCeased but yes, I will be talking about DCeased because that is the perfect example of how these characters function to me.

This comic showed his the long, excruciating, and lonely years these two would have to face in disaster. The trauma of losing everything, your family and your world and moving mantles to stop it but it being something they had to do together. Like a grave already buried in the ground for them but they laid in it together as kids and adults. If you truly want to understand this ship I deeply think you should turn on your brain and read DCeased.

How they contrast. Jon and Damian's are distinctly different, their personalities are different, their upbringing is different, and what they deeply identify with is different. This is why at times they may argue but at the end of the day, they have to share their life with the other.

How they compare.

At times where they may think they are alone or have no one to talk to then they will always have each other, they're supposed to, that's what their relationship is built on. Understand that in the most basic sense that these two are platonic soulmates. They will be there for each other at the beginning.

And at the end.

They share this great burden together, they share similar paths, fears, worries and goals. They will always be together even when one of them might not want to be because the worst thing you can be when all of these things are happening to you; is alone. Their lives tell the same story just in different places and perspectives, sometimes their most defining moments directly mirror each other.

They both feel like they don’t belong and like they’re stuck between two worlds as well. For Jon, it’s Krypton and Earth, for Damian, its Batman and Al Ghul.

Their mantles supply this destiny they share. It’s what will bring them together and pull them apart.

I feel the need to mention that Jon is one of two characters that sees Damian beyond the son of batman, Damian has said “Well, If I am almost Batman.” and Jon said “You’re so much more than that.”

Damian said “Do you have a better offer?” and Jon said “Well, I have you.”

… I have to love them.

Their relationship with one another platonically. They have the friendship to end all friendships. It quite literally transcends space and time. Regardless of if you like Jon and Damian being friends in the first place or not, you cannot deny that what Jon has done for Damian is not important.

Like I said with Damian, he feels as though the love that he receives has to be earned but when he met Jon, he was introduced to the idea that someone wanted to simply be around him, that someone wanted to be his friend and love him unconditionally. You cannot deny that this friendship helped develop these two in very good directions, not only are these two entertaining but they help each other progress by simply being around the other.

They give to each other what other people can’t. Dick Grayson even admits that Jon sees something in Damian that other people like to ignore. This is very important. Now Jon’s relationship to Damian could help him as well, knowing Damian could grant him an extra layer of empathy and understanding, it already does and he can use what he’s learned from Damian in the future.

Damian teaches Jon what it means to be a hero, Jon teaches Damian what it means to be a kid. Damian shows Jon what love has been and Jon shows Damian what love can be. It’s very compelling. These are two lost people who make each other feel accepted and normal.

The potential of their relationship romantically.

Imagining what it would be like if DC was capable of allowing these two to engage in a romantic relationship with the other is compelling. Firstly, I highly doubt that DC will ever properly portray these two’s relationship with the other if they did pull the trigger.

But in the fantasy world where everything is perfect, I think it’d be nice for these characters to have a relationship free of their narratives. To be allowed to be confused about their feelings and even reject them; to have us as an audience be able to watch these two slowly navigate it over time and especially with them both being same sex, I feel like DC just showing that they’re not afraid to portray that type of relationship between character directly under one of their biggest names is certainly heartwarming.

Jon coming to terms with liking boys and having a crush on someone the same gender as him while also struggling to have that perfect american life that his father’s narrative values so much and that confusing him.

Damian struggling with his feelings and allowing himself to not feel like he’s doing something wrong by falling in love with another person.

And perhaps this love being catalyst for them to want to grow up to be distinctly different from their fathers, to carve a path for themselves because they realize that they are their own person and can’t be entirely perfect for everyone else but just perfect enough for each other.

The wasted potential of the characters overall. Super Sons was a very important comic book, it supplied things for Damian fans that was starved of us. If you look at the internet before Super Sons you will see people complaining about how Damian's stories do not contain a certain element to it which was entirely fixed by Super Sons being created, Super Sons left much to be desired. I still think that series was meant to go on for way longer than it did and contain a lot of meaningful stories for the both of them so it's a real shame that it was cut short.

Unfortunately, even though some writers want to separate Jon and Damian, they’ll never fully be able to because of how engraved Damian is into Jon’s character. Damian is one of Jon’s core personality traits because overall, he is greatly lacking so they’ll never be able to be truly separated. It’s safe to say that his character is ruined and the only way for you to like it is to have bad taste in media.

Why I personally think it’s so good. All of these things I mentioned are not really given to you with other ships like Timkon, Superbat, etc. Nothing speaks to me like this and if you really understood it then you'd know that all of these things are entirely different. Damijon in canon is literally what people think Superbat is, the way that people want Clark to provide release and catharsis to Bruce is literally done for Damijon in canon. Between Superbat, Timkon and Damijon, Damijon evidently has the strongest bond/is allowed to have the strongest bond, these characters distinctly have an effect on the other that cannot be replicated with the others. Not to put these two ships down but it's evident, I've always been against the idea that Timkon and Superbat are similar to Damijon because they just aren't literally at all.

I truly believe that if Jon and Damian weren’t Superman and Batman’s sons then I’d still ship them anyway, I also think with unfortunately the way that DC is dealing with Jon’s character that if Damian was allowed to have a relationship akin to his with Jon’s something almost exactly mirroring Jon and Damian then I’d drop Damijon instantly… but… till that day.

Damian and Jon make each other happy in the purest way possible and till that stops I think I’m shipping that.

What to check out if you’re interested in it. I made a reading list for these two a while back.

#jondami #damijon #damian wayne #super sons #jon kent #supersons #jonathan kent #cosmicbird #superdemon #damijon essay #asks #dc comics #superfam #batfam #save

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trexiejan · 1 year ago

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My opinion : Babs was deaged to be with Dick.

Okay so I've seen so many dickbabs shippers try to deny that Barbara was deaged to fit Dick for the purpose of defending dickbabs or make them look better i guess. They keep saying that wasn't the reason why she was deaged. they always point to the 1st time she got deaged.

like why are they so upset when they see people say that. I wonder if they care more about the ship than barbara as an individual character.

cuz if they truly liked Barbara separately from Dickbabs maybe all the anti-dickbabs comments wouldn't be an issue for them. 🤷‍♀️

anyway i'm going to explain why it's true.

here's the thing :

Barbara was deaged more than once.

Crisis on Infinite Earths wasn't the only time she was deaged, she got deaged again in other books/continuites.

So The real question is where did they deage her to be the same age as Dick to make them work not when was she first deaged. (we all know it's always in dickbabs comics where she's written as the same age as dick, i wonder why)

The 1st time she was deaged was in Crisis on Infinite Earths, it was so Jim could be younger but they only decreased her age slightly because she's still written as older than Dick, here is a panel from Secret Origins #20 that was published in 1986 exactly 1 year after she was deaged in Crisis on infinite earths (1985) she said Dick is too young for her and that batman is always the one on her mind. So Dickbabs during this time still has a big age gap so they're still unable to work.

The 2nd time or 3rd time she was deaged is in dickbabs comics where she was finally made the same age as Dick so dickbabs can finally work as romantic pairing.

Instead of being older she's now written as a part of Dick's generation.

From a congresswoman to someone who went to highschool prom with Dick.

Even Tom Taylor wrote them as childhood sweethearts so he can portray them as soulmates in his comics. a huge wtf moment for me because Babs wasn't originally this young when she first met Dick 😭

pls She had a PHD, has been working as a librarian and congresswoman when dick was still a young boy in gotham.

Barbara is now written as a part of his generation and his one true love since day 1. (from an independent congresswoman to Dick's childhood sweetheart and girlfriend who revolves around him)

Before Dickbabs couldn't work because of their age gap but now they can work. thanks to dickbabs comics deaging barbara again and this time for the sole purpose of reducing Babs into Dick's love interest.

So Just because she wasn't deaged to be with Dick in her 1st deaging doesn't mean she wasn't deaged to be with Dick in her 2nd or 3rd deaging 🙃

Dickbabs shippers can deny it all they want but at the end of the day dickbabs wouldn't have worked out if she wasn't deaged to be the same age as dick.

and even if they're right, let's say for the sake of their argument they're right that babs wasn't deaged to be with dick, it still doesn't change the fact that dickbabs is weird.

Regardless if Babs was deaged to be with Dick or not, It's still weird to see Dick being put in a relationship with a woman who was originally a congresswoman when he was still in highschool.

It's like deaging Batman into a teenager (like let's say it's because they want to make Bruce appealing to teenagers) but years later they decided to give him a love interest who is also a teenager as part of the new batman stories.

So even though his deaging has nothing to do with women or shipping in the first place, it's still weird to suddenly see Batman in a relationship with women who are a part of dick's generation knowing he was originally much older than them.

Like Bruce/Raven or Bruce/Starfire suddenly becoming a thing 🤢 No amount of deaging would be able to justify those pairings.

The same happened to Barbara she was originally a part of Batman and Superman's generation.

for goodness sake she dated Superman!!!! She was so much older than Dick.

Also remember when Dickbabs was originally a pedo-like ship and it was so controversial and hated the same way Brucebabs was hated today? Because Barbara the adult woman is kissing minor grayson but now she's fully making out and having sex with minor grayson in dickbabs comics.

The reason why Dickbabs fans don't want people talking about this is because they care more about making dickbabs look good than barbara's independence. They don't care that Barbara lost her independence, her phd, her solo careers, her librarian and congresswoman job because of dickbabs shipping.

They don't view Barbara as a character seperate from dick. Barbara is trapped in this relationship because of people like them. They don't fight for Barbara's independence. The only thing they want from her is to be the girlfriend of Dick and nothing else. It is so hard for them to let Barbara Gordon be independent and not just “Nightwings girlfriend."

Barbara's real enemy is the dickbabs ship. Before, she is able to stand on her own, but now she's nothing more than just a love interest who can't live without dick and too dependent on him and his solo books to exist.

DC really needs to get Barbara some actual character building that doesn't involve Nightwing whatsoever but it's hard to do that when she won't even stop chasing Dick nonstop like a dog in his solo books and thinking about him 24/7 because of writers like tom taylor who is always busy making babs' entire personality all about dick than writing solo babs stories.

Dickbabs is unnecessary and disservice to her character, it does nothing for her independence. She is forever demoted to Dick's love interest unless they free her from this ship.

poor babs she deserves better than people who only want to associate her with dick 24/7.

#nightwing #dick grayson #batgirl #oracle #barbara gordon #dickbabs #anti dickbabs #antidickbabs

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dc-comics-enjoyer · 9 months ago

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Batfam as "The Middle" quotes :

Jason : You were out with Bernard pretty late last night. What time did you end up getting home ?

Tim : I don't know. Why do you care so much? When I'm at school, you don't know what time I'm out.

Jason : I don't care. Just if you were dead in a ditch, I'd have ordered a medium pizza.

---

Dick : We're going full Oprah. Everything goes outside in the yard. Nothing comes back through the front door unless you convince me that you truly love it and need it.

Damian : Tim, go outside.

---

Duke : I can't believe we got robbed. What kind of stupid robbers would rob us?

Tim : I hope they didn't steal my books.

Stephanie : What about my cross country sweatshirt ? I knew I should have brought it.

Jason : If they stole your books and your cross country sweatshirt, they're the nerdiest robbers ever.

Jason : ...Oh my God, my nunchucks !

---

Damian : So, I've decided from now on, I want to spend every moment I can with the things I cherish most. So, I'll be in my room with my books. Try not to bother me.

---

Stephanie : I spend my whole life congratulating myself. I want other people to congratulate me.

---

Damian (at some point) : They're forcing me to help people against my will. I don't know. Doesn't that seem like communism or something ? I - Did I use that right ?

---

(in the batplane)

Damian : Tim, get up. It's my turn. It's been more than twenty minutes.

Tim : Well, on land maybe. You don't know how long it's been up here. A minute Earth time is like an hour in the sky. Maybe you'll learn that if you ever get to high school.

---

Dick : Hey, Jay, I'm going to the mall. Did you do your Christmas list?

Jason : Cash, a cell phone, and to be left alone.

Dick : Cass, did you make your list for Santa?

Cass : What I really want this year is some answers. What's the true meaning of Christmas? Are we here for a reason? What is the purpose of life?

Dick : How about a bike ?

---

Jason (to Tim) : You're taking life advice from Bruce ? You've seen his life, right ?

---

Jason (about Talia) : Dick, you weren't there. I've never seen anything like it. This girl was like a Bond villain. She says words that seem nice, but they're not. They're evil.

---

Dick : Let's not think of it as camping. Let's think of it as outdoor family fun.

Tim : But we don't wanna go.

Dick : Fine. Forced family fun.

Damian : You're dragging us into the woods against our will. That's kidnapping.

Jason : Hm. If we were gonna kidnap some kids, you'd be far down the list.

---

Duke : Dick, you're better than this.

Dick : I'm not, though, Duke, I'm really not. This is killing me. How could you pick Bruce over me?

Duke : He says it's okay if my socks don't match.

Dick : But it's not ! Because people will think you're weird, and I'm only telling you that 'cause I love you more than Bruce.

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vechter · 19 hours ago

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i'm going to preface this with the fact that you are one of the most incredible writers i've ever come across. your writing is so painfully visceral, imbued with countless analogies, thematic motifs and allegory. it's captured me in a way i've never seen any form of literature do before, like every word resounds in my heart. it's so contemplative and introspective yet so engaging. you have this ability to interweave all this allusion within the dynamic of bruce and dick that just leaves me reeling. you make all these characters so heart-wrenchingly real. YOU'RE JUST ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE

I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS ABOUT YOUR WRITING MASTERY BUT THIS IS CALLED ASKS FOR A REASON SO i'm currently struggling with the seemingly insurmountable task of writing a short story centralised around the human condition. gotta love english assessments. i have a tab open of lbia just to dissect all of the techniques and symbolism you've used to glean some form of idea of what i'm aiming for. i'm reaching for the stars and expecting to land on the moon. there's no way whatever i write will hold a candle to the sun that is your work BUT how do you write so well? is writing always a thing that comes naturally to you? what's your writing process? how do you come up with and organise your ideas? how do you weaponise language in a way that drives the plot forward but still properly conveys a depth of character? should i read more academic essays?

I KNOW THIS IS COMPLETELY RANDOM AND OUT OF THE BLUE AND YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO RESPOND BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR WRITING HAS REALLY TOUCHED MY HEART AND I'M FOREVER GRATEFUL FOR YOUR WORK. I once heard it said that literature is something that only exists in the act of reading. its potential can only fully be harnessed through experience, much like a score of music. the scribbled notes mean nothing in comparison to the feelings in the audience they invoke. literature is fully alike in the sense that the experience of reading is the most beautiful part of literature. thanks for giving me and thousands of others the incomparable experience of reading your work. you've wrung my heartstrings and made me fall in love with reading all over again. 🫶

firstly, THANK YOU AHHHHHH!!!!! this is the kindest and most wonderful message i could have ever received and i love you for it 💖 like i've reread it fives times already and i'm giggling and kicking my feet at just how effusive you've been with your praise and appreciation... truly means the world to me 🥺

also not you having lbia open to dissect for your assignment pls im just so touched by that GOD thankyouthankyouthankyou 😭

as for my own process (long insight below the cut):

okay, so writing is never a straightforward or linear process for me... in fact, i think i'm pretty terrible with how i write; generally, when i'm writing fic, i bounce between comics and my own notes and ideas that have been scribbled and jotted in multiple places and never cohesively compiled which is not sth i'd recommend. like there's no real order or structure to it so idk how much i'll be able to help but i'll try my best <3

for lbia, i knew i wanted to write canon-divergence from dick's point of view, who is generally an unreliable narrator but would be 10x more unreliable in the post-spyral aftermath which is where the idea of indents and sections in parenthesis came from. since you're writing a short story, it would help if you have a thesis/central message or the barebones of the plot. what do you want to say about the human condition? how much do you trust your reader to extrapolate from the nuances? will the beginning and ending have the same message? since it's a short story, set up an idea bank for your main character(s)... how do they connect with their humanity? what does that look like? ask yourself questions about your character and spend time developing answers for them!

questions like these are a good starting point... spending time working out what you want to say and how you want to say it will never be a waste because it'll make the actual writing process much more straightforward + this is the time to get your creative juices flowing... you can often surprise yourself with your own train of thought!

the actual plot in lbia was definitely more straightforward— i wanted it to be about dick recognizing the shatter point of bruce essentially asking him to die again while also regaining his sense of identity and personhood in a way that felt authentic to his pre-n52 characterization... and the most natural way to do that was through the titans and the bats because so much of dick's heart is the various people he loves and connects with. so, i mapped out the trajectory of the characters he would interact with and how those interactions would go— what would be the central truths in those conversations, how would dick atone and repent without chipping away at his independence, how he would feel about these people in his life post-death

i had two outlines going simultaneously— one was more general, for the entire body of work while the other was a more detailed one with elaborate chapter outlines. for example, here's a snippet of my outline for the dick & tim conversation:

you'll see it's a mix of plot-points and actual text that went into the fic... this is because i end up doing a lot of my writing in bits and pieces when the inspiration strikes, so i usually have to compile them in outlines when i actually sit down to flesh out an entire section/chapter. organizing them linearly is not really sth i do on page, it's usually more in my head and as i'm writing the actual words but it's much easier if you have a rough chronological sense. obviously, this is not applicable to every piece of writing because it's not always going to be a linear sequence of events so you have to adapt it to how you're telling your story (and there's no right or wrong way... whatever works for you, works for you!)

as for the language, your best guide is reading as voraciously as you can. academic essays, novels, poems, plays, anything and everything you can dedicate your time to! you'll learn different words, different techniques, multiple ways to incorporate motifs and themes that lend to the depth of the plot and characters

take, for example, the pre-donna section of chapter one. i tried to use a lot of imagery and diction + dick's own perception of other characters and what it says about him to the readers... to really highlight how fractured his sense of self is. so, one possible way is to use notions that generally evoke a particular feeling in your audience to strengthen and further the impact of whatever you're trying to say. like the notion of a bird choking on plastic can have the visual impact of someone gasping for air + the toxicity of an extraneous variable being introduced, one which the bird/character has no real control or culpability for... does that make sense?

and most importantly, worry about editing later!!! get your ideas out, build a semi-coherent structure and come back for fine-tuning. when you allow yourself to write without the constraints of what's the most technically apt word here, not only do you have a more joyful time doing it but you also end up focusing more on the meaning and impact of your writing, which is ultimately what gives the gut-punch to a reader

also, i cannot believe you ended the ask with this "you've wrung my heartstrings and made me fall in love with reading all over again" LIKE THAT'S THE COMPLIMENT... of the highest order... i'm beyond honoured. thank you for sharing what my fic means to you with me, it really made my entire day i'm soooo grateful i will cherish your words forever <3

#asks #good luck with your story op i’m sure it’ll be wonderful!!!#LBIA tag #writing tag

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stilesssolo · 10 months ago

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Okay.. let’s hear it! Initial thoughts of the new album!

Ugh sorry for the delay on this. I listened to the (first) album when it dropped at midnight, finished it and saw her say “double album, 15 more songs!!” went “that’s nice. I’m going to bed” fully intending to spend most of today listening and relistening to fully take it in, but then there was a crisis at work and I suddenly had a shitton to do in a very little amount of time which was not a conducive environment to fully digest these *very* dense songs. I still haven’t sat down and done nothing but listen to half the songs on the anthology, so. I am never more jealous of west coast time zoners than during new music drops. 😂

I immediately logged off the internet when I heard it had leaked Wednesday so I truly went into this blind. My initial thoughts are… well… okay! I don’t dislike it. But I don’t love it, you know? The songs are very dense but I still don’t think it’s her best writing (and I’m a Bruce Springsteen girlie; I love a cryptic lyrically dense album). There are a whole bunch of songs that I really enjoy and some REALLY good lyrics. But I remember hearing Cardigan or YOYOK for the first time and how that felt and I just don’t get that on anything here. I also cannot acknowledge the implications of how many goddamn songs are about Matty Healy and how in love with him she was without risking a mental breakdown!!! The idea that CARDIGAN was written about him… I cannot do this… take me back to when we thought The 1 was for sure about Harry Styles. I was present for the Gillette rain show “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been” psychotic break and I STILL was not prepared for the amount of psycho behavior on this album regarding the rat man!!!!

I think I have two main problems with this album. 1: it is too goddamn long. I am not one to complain about getting more content but I feel like a lot of these songs are just saying the same thing and not doing it in a way unique enough to justify having both of them. Like I think we could have EASILY trimmed a lot of fat and gotten these both into one 20-ish track album that would have read better. I feel like a lot of this has to do with the social media culture now of more, more, more, always racing towards the next thing— like how a day after we got 1989 TV the swifties were clamoring for rep TV. Like we just got 5 new songs!!! Slow down!!! I would have preferred quality over quantity lol and this album very much felt like quantity, quantity, quantity.

And then 2: I miss when she used to really push herself to try different things and to get better at her craft. Not that I want her to be attacked and get backlash, but her insane levels of fame have made her so untouchable that no one can say anything remotely constructive without being crucified and I feel like it eliminates some of the drive she has to push herself to be better and write better (hello Speak Now and Red!!!). I saw Rolling Stone gave this album a perfect 100 score like???? Hello???? The album is not bad, but to grade it as perfection compared to others? Over Red? Over Folklore? Over 1989??? Let’s be real. And I feel like this album has a lot of “well it’s good enough” moments where I’m like… but is it good enough? Could we have worked to make this better? I feel like she needs new collaborators too. She does great work with Jack and Aaron but I feel like they know each other too well and it’s getting to the point where they’re not editing or pushing her as much as they should be. A lot of the songwriting here just felt complacent. Get Liz Rose back in the room I am begging!!!!!

Now that I’ve typed all that out I feel like I am being increasingly harsh, but idk. It’s a fine album. There are some songs I enjoy and I’m sure it’s gonna grow on me more as I listen and really digest, but it doesn’t really have any super stand out moments to me right now. I saw a tweet saying this album is not to top the charts, not to draw in new fans, this is for the swifties who know and care about Taylor’s lore and want to listen and know what was going on during this period of her life, and she just needed to get it out there and say it so she can move on. And I do enjoy the lore, don’t get me wrong, but I kinda hope that’s the case and the next album is a clean slate, because… other than the lore, there’s nothing really new or interesting here, sonically, lyrically, etc. I really hope her next album she takes a big risk and does something different. I also feel like she needs a BREAK. Like I don’t want any new music for the entire year of 2025. Go recharge and take a break and come back to us with your best work, queen. I feel like the rerecords and the constant churning out of new music and content is just watering down her undeniable talent.

I wanted to like this a lot more than I did, but you know. C’est la vie. I never was a big poetry girlie anyways, and I’ve seen some people say they love the album (and to them I say I’m happy for you I clap I cheer and i’m gonna let you rock!!) but for me… idk. We’ll see how I feel in a week. But throughout the day today I kept feeling the temptation to put Chappell Roan back on, so… I think that sort of sums up my initial feelings on the whole thing. 😂

#like idk girl did i really need to hear you sing about how much you love matty healy *that* many times??? i dont think i did #anyways i am curious to hear your (and anyone else’s) thought on the album 😂#my sister and my roommate agree with my opinion but we all share a brain so they dont count #also even though i dont love this album I STILL LOVE YOU TAYLOR!!!! Swiftie till the day I die!!!!!#we’re all allowed to flop a little bit sometimes… as a treat!!!!#taylor swift #asks #answered #ceebogs

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starwalker03 · 1 year ago

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So now I have to ask. WMLP au where the team had a poly thing going before they were separated. (Everyone made out that new years and didn’t stop for a few week) What would change?

Okay so the thing about this ask is I read it, loved the concept, thought about it for more than 0.00000001 seconds and took psychic damage from it and then put my phone down and walked around the house a bit and I've been putting off coming back to it since.

So sorry about that.

But look. I'm one of those people who loves the interesting dynamic of ex-lovers. Irregardless of what type of love. Platonic, sexual, romantic, anything in any capacity, best friends, work buddies, soulmates, married couples, friends with benefits, all of it. Because once there was a time you were something to each other. Once you laughed and cried and talked and had stories and made stories. Once upon a time things were good and now they're not. And neither of you know how to fix it. Or worse, you know exactly how to fix it but simply refuse.

It's why I love making Dick and Bruce's relationship so complicated and difficult and somehow still functional but not in any way that is simple or straightforward.

But in this context. Oh god.

Imagine you are a teenager. 14-17. Mid teens. Everything is difficult already but it's worse because you're a hero. You're responsible for the lives of so many. You're a soldier in an endless war and there is no easy answer. And you have a team you love. Five people you would lay down your life for, you would stand between them and death, and you know they'd do the same for you. You stand in front of one, another stands in front of you; a circle of you all interposing yourselves between your loved ones and danger in an anti-Oroborous. Backs to one another and trusting you will be guarded.

And it's not enough.

Some of you die, some of you are taken where you'll never truly be heard from again, you are at the whims of the enemy and there is no presence at your back, no familiarity with who stands in front of you anymore.

And when you see them again the circle is broken, you cannot get close, you don't understand what happened to these people you once knew inside and out. They look different; you look different. Part of you wants to trust they would still stand by you at the end of the world and yet you look in their eyes and a flash of fear runs through you: you can't find it in yourself to put your back to them again.

Part of you blames yourself for it. Part of you thinks you're responsible. Part of you thinks you could fix it. Part of you is horrified at what they let themself become. Part of you is mad at them for letting you become what you are. Part of you is ashamed. Of yourself, of them, of everyone else.

Nothing is good anymore and it makes you wonder: was it ever really good to begin with? Were you all just lying to yourselves? Was this inside them, inside you, all along? Was this always how things would end? Was the clock ticking down to the day you'd hold a weapon at them, pointed, accusing, scared, angry, hurt, desperate. For them to back down, stop, finish this, finish you.

Was there ever a point at all? Was it all wasted?

Are you wasted?

Are you...

Who are you? And who are you to each other?

And why is the answer... Nothing?

#dc comics #fanfiction #young justice #with morality like a polynomial #wmlp #angst #drabble #polyamory

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lambergeier · 24 days ago

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IT TOOK TWO MORE WEEKS BUT: part 2 let's go

seeley's nightwing 2016, issues 1-43. okay here's where we start getting into the business. i was bopping between early volumes of nw2016 and nw96 basically at random, both of them had their high points, until nw96 suddenly Clicked and then i stopped picking up volumes of nw2016 entirely. what i read was alright: the character beats in the damian arc were real stand-outs, i've returned to those issues a number of times even if the dr. hurt/pyg plot felt kind of nothing. and also the whole setting was simply racist. but jesus christ dick and damian are in love. otherwise, superman just suggesting dick check out bludhaven and then he does it was like, insulting. i felt personally insulted by that. fucking put any work in to setting up the status quo!! but truly without the frisson of bruce and dick's terrible relationship, bludhaven in 2017 or whatever just could not compare to bludhaven in 1996, so yeah i haven't really returned to the rebirth series since.

nightwing 1996, issues 1-117, minus nightwing: year one. first chunk of reading that should really be its own post. fascinating to watch how efficiently dixon sets up a status quo, which i have since watched a lot of other writers fail at badly lmao. his stuff just zips along, the action is fun, he builds out a big and enjoyable secondary cast (with the interesting tension of like, many of these characters are based on racist tropes, but they're still human in their actions underneath that? or something. requires more study lol). the dick/tim/babs/bruce relationships are all fun, got hints of tension even when he's not committing to anything huge (most especially with bruce and dick, least especially with dick and babs lol). AND THEN: devin grayson's run. man this really should be its own post. her stuff is great, her character work is second to none, but man the destruction of nixon's status quo felt almost vindictive in how long she drew it out. i agree doing knightfall to dick is great, i think about doing knightfall to dick every day of my life, and i think where she was going with it (but ultimately got stopped from achieving) was probably gonna be really interesting!! but it was just too long and too brutal for the medium imho. i would pay four figures for her ffn/ao3 account tho. devin i know you're out there

year one: batman/scarecrow. good times. love how even when bruce is trying to be a good dad and he still puts the literal fear of god in dick. what the hell man. not not battered wife coded like fr

robin & batman. this was fun like whump is fun--bruce making dick give the debrief on all his new friends was deeply compellingly horrible--but ultimately like, this can't be canon lol. it can't have been this bad at the beginning or else it's meaningless how bad it got later. i'm glad they kind of immediately made it irrelevant with b&ry1

batman & robin: year 1. SOOO GOOD. CANNOT WAIT TO SEE WHERE THIS GOES. SAMNEE MY KING!!!

joker: last laugh 5/6 and robin 93 #95. wanted to see dick kill the joker. honestly think everyone should have been way more fucked up by all that. one fucking issue of being depressed after, that's kid shit. devin grayson read that one issue and it made her so mad she blew up dick's entire apartment building

the titans 1999, issues 1-39. first twelve issues or whatever are great because, of course, they are by devin grayson. she simply nails the little character moments. dick and kory's whole intensely loving nightmarish shit.....mmmmm that's good! kept reading after she left but couldn't make it to the series finale. just got kinda boring. jesse quick was kinda great tho, i liked her neurotic corporate ass.

the boy wonder, juni ba. pell has said more on this and more intelligently, but to sum up very quickly, i do think it's probably impossible to make something good out of the orientalist bog that is the al ghuls. i think this was a very interesting attempt, though, and it was gorgeous, and damian is my baby, and the jason was fantastic, and tim and dick were very cute (tim's nasty little redditor beanie from his robin flashback: iconic), so for all of this i will forgive the boy wonder's worst sin, which was including yet another fucking kintsugi metaphor.

birds of prey one-shots. literally their third issue together babs is eating dinah out then asking her why they don't spoon as much as they used to. what the fuck did dixon think he was writing?

infinite crisis #6-7. i don't remember like any of this. #blessings. emma remembers it tho bc she was regularly on that scans_daily shit until infinite crisis suddenly started happening and ruined everything she ever loved. she filled me on the "and then superboy punched time" meme. dark times

a whole mess of shit leading up to batman & robin 2009 in order to more fully bring batman & robin 2009 into my heart. includes morrison's batman/batman rip/the resurrection of ra's al ghul, the accompanying tec/nightwing/robin 1993 issues, the final nightwing 1996 issues, an inadvisable amount of final crisis, last rites, the battle for the cowl, and then like 90% of the batman/tec issues with dickbats. and then, finally, batman & robin 1-26. no i haven't read batman incorporated yet. second chunk of reading that should be its own post. this was a really funny incident caused by emma picking up batman and robin and being like baby i think this is good come read it with me and me being like "oh shit i haven't read anything past infinite crisis yet, lemme just do a quick little context read" and then, a week later.... anyways morrison is fascinating, low lows (final crisis, talia) but some high highs (their very first issue with the fight in the art musuem with all the pictures-within-panels reacting to the fight, DAMN that was good). i really like the hallucinatory ambiguity of a lot of their stuff. i love when dick grayson is sad. i love him and damian. they are babies and in love. alfred is a freak for real: enjoyed that. eeeeeverything to do with the breakdown of tim and dick's relationship as implied thru this era including red robin: good. still thinking about winick's line about dick always knew he'd bury bruce without a single gray hair!! damn!!

special mention from the above list: like 7 issues of bruce wayne: the road home. INSANE BRUCE BEHAVIORS. INSANE. JUST DON'T TELL DICK YOU'RE HOME? DO TELL TIM AND THEN NEG HIM FOR LIKE 28 PAGES OF COMIC? ALAS, WE'LL HAVE TO KILL THE BATMAN.

red robin plus that one issus of adventure comics 2009 with tim and kon in the paris sewers. i love this, i love tim, i love red robin, i love chris yost, i love tim's year-long episode of magical thinking, he is my baby, he is my normal and rational king, i love him.

task force z. okay listen i had a lot of fun with this. issue nine through the finale completely fell apart, the machinations of the "plot" were ultimately total nonsense, but the jason&bruce and jason&the other kids issues were really really fun (besides the usual babs character assassination). i love jason just getting to preach to everyone about how nobly he's suffered. finally in rosenberg we find a worthy successor to judd "jason todd has done nothing wrong" winick. also i love harvey dent. shame it sounds like the follow-up joker series sucks ass, i will not be reading all that

skimmed forever evil and then nightwing 2011 #30. wanted to know about the infamous fight scene. even in the context of n52 bruce, who i know is famous for sucking ass, this felt like character assassination. like it was just hard to read. there were one million other ways to have gotten dick into spyral, that they picked this one is kind of a nightmare lmao

the 2011 judgment on gotham event. this was weird. are you telling me there are people out there who are christians like for real?

batman: gates of gotham. bad. dickbats not wroth it.

knight terrors: nightwing 2023. WHY do i KEEP READING comics from the TWENTY-TWENTIES. BABS GREATEST FEAR IS RELYING TOO MUCH ON TECHNOLOGY-> OOC, ABLEIST, BORING, AND I'LL KILL YOU

taylor's nightwing 2016, #106-113. why did i read this? was i possessed?

watters' nightwing 2016, #119. tentatively intrigued. you've appealed to my emotionally curious nature. i will not be buying dcui for you though.

like a single issue of gotham war. batman #138. OOF. OOF! NOT GOOD!

BIRDS OF PREY BABY. #1-9 let's go war criminals let's go

literally all of knightfall. all nine collected volumes. everything through troika. my end of the year blitz. the final chunk of reading that should be its own post, but here we are. the art in this ranged from good to like, stupefying. graham nolan and scott hana have to be some of the best to ever do it. prelude to knightfall and knightfall vol. 1: fun fun tasty stuff. prodigal: IIIIIIIIIINSANE. everything else: boring (i'm sorry jpv i am just not that into your problems!) to offensively, offensively bad (WOW THE SEARCH HASN'T BEEN REPRINTED IN 25 YEARS? THAT'S CRAZY. COULD WE HAVE MADE IT 50?). the way all this is the inciting incident for the modern batfamily is like.....man there is a lot going on there. a lot to unpack!!! very glad i read it tho, even if that also meant i had to read the search 💔

2024 comics post

broooooooooooo. what the fuck HAPPENED.

the actual cause of all this: i read some really funny fic by ao3 user deadchannelradio, then i got emma to watch some old teen titans with me, then we watched the under the red hood movie, then i read some more fanfiction, almost entirely bad, then i caved and checked what the public library had available to borrow comics-wise. which turned out to be a lot. and then i bought the DCU subscription. and now here we are. this is going to be in approximately chrono order, and there will be no bolded recommendations. read only what big 2 comics you can justify to god.

tom taylor's nightwing, vols. 1-5 (issues 78-105 i think) plus fear state. my first foray back into big 2 comics since my mcu-era marvel situation in high school and college. haha, these are kinda cute, i thought. simplistic, but the art is gorgeous, i said. i would be happy to buy these as floppies at my local store, i theorized. like some kind of idiot. like some kind of naive child.

batman/superman: world's finest, #1-ongoing. waid and mora just too fucking good. i love nonsense, and to put nonsense in my mouth. would actually consider buying the first volume as a tpb it's so fun except for the massive, classically racist, unforced L of making another culture's normal nuanced folk hero (ne'zha) into a demon from hell for just like, no reason. hello? also love mark waid just doing whatever the fuck he wants with the kingdom come continuity. it's his house. no one can stop him. still reading this one as new issues go up on DCU.

world's finest: teen titans, #1-6 loved this also. i also haven't read any og teen titans (emma read all of pre-crisis NTT while i was reading nightwing, so the early children remain firmly in her realm of expertise) but she also agreed that it was cute. waid is just fun. like what are we supposed to do.

mark waid's shazam 2023, #1-6. see above re: waid and his powers. big shout out to dan mora, as ever, but BIIIIIG shout out to colorist alejandro sanchez, who i truly think made this arc. girl those WATERCOLOR EFFECTS!!

robin 2021, #1-17. read this and super sons at about the same time, officially dipping my toe into the damian waters. solid, loved the issue of all the other robins chasing after him, him and dick love each other for REAL. i also like his little goth girlfriend, and his manga habit. felt like a kinda ham-fisted attempt to give damian his own story without being willing to set him up with his own status quo, a la bludhaven, but what can you do.

super sons, #1-16. children's comics for sure, but with a surprising amount of blood in them? wasn't quite certain of the marketing angle on that, but i LOVED jon and damian they are BABIES. i also like every time clark is like my son never listen to damian. his father is a lunatic. for sure never listen to his father either. that was cute. shame this was cut so short lmao.

tim drake: robin, #1-6. offensively, offensively bad. i didn't even really know tim yet but this was like. please christ in heaven gay people have to be worthier of better comics than this.

batgirl 2000, #1-37. i know this is widely-loved, but it actually didn't get me until like #12 or so? if that? i love cass, but the art was rough for me, and it couldn't carry me for the early non-verbal comics. her shit with shiva was great tho. cass you are fully insane my girl

under the red hood and lost days. ICONIC!! JASON TODD MY RATIONAL KING!!!

robins: being robin. did not like this. trite. also did not like dick's manbun: a real issue.

batman: year one. oughhhhh what if the classics are good actually. and unfortunately. mazzucchelli and lewis are so fucking good, like lewis in particular..... what even is left to be said. the art alone is Just That Good. also bruce wayne and jim gordon are kissing with tongue for real

robin: year one. mmmmmm good. dick grayson your problems. also i still love harvey dent. possibly my favorite batman villain. symptom of having watched a lot of batman begins/read my one random copy of the long halloween an extensive number of times as a teen

batgirl: year one. had some great moments, but did not like nearly as much as robin y1. i do think this is due to the sexism. i like when babs punched infant dick in the solar plexus tho!

batman: urban legends - specifically the cheer arc with jason. i really liked this but i'm not sure i'll feel the same in a year or so. i think this was a pretty deft way to get jason to drop lethal violence without betraying his own justified belief in the power of lethal violence (rational king), and thus bring him back into the family fold, but of course bringing him back into the fold is itself a fraught project, and his character as a whole is so uncertain (as i understand) since the new 52 so like. i think it did what i was trying to do quite well (and i loved how insane bruce appeared! compared to jason!) but should it have been trying to do all that? an open question!

devin grayson's gotham knights, #1-24. WELL AS IT WOULD HAPPEN THESE ARE MAYBE THE BEST BATCOMICS I READ ALL YEAR. listen i am so aware of devin grayson's many sins. but these are the original "what does it mean for bruce to have all these fucking teenagers" comics, and, so far in my reading, they remain the undisputed best. everyone's just been rehashing her since, and it hasn't been nearly as good. she's got the touch (profound fandom-aligned inanities)

batman: murderer/fugitive. put an order in for the recently-released 1100 page $125 omnibus just this afternoon. It's Good.

robin vol 1: reborn (tim drake). idk the exact issues on this, collects tim's first few post-tlpod batman issues, plus his first miniseries. tim drake by god do i care you.

lmao okay the post editor is starting to lag like a motherfucker. posting this then putting the next half in a reblog

#dc #book post #i divided my reading list basically in half when setting this up then got to the second half and was like oh some of these line items #contain more than 100 individual issues of comics!#that wasn't true for the first half of this list! uh oh!#anyways obviously covered like three months of deep thinking verrrrry quickly here lmao so if you want to talk to me abt any of these comic #i also want to talk to you about these comics.#since jan 1 i have also read the outsiders (which was crazy)#and am reading winick's titans 2008 for fic research purposes #but top of the tbr list is the rest of birds of prey and nightwing 96 #and i wanna read the rest of jason's appearances for completion's sake #but then it's gotta be timmy time!! timmy time and ntt time!!!#which should last me the rest of the year for real <333

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foreverindreamlandd · 3 years ago

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Couldn't Bear It

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x GN!Reader

WC: 655

Summary: Bruce patches up a wound after almost losing you in a fight, and it's too much for him to handle.

Warnings: Angst, mention of injury, blood, death, hurt/comfort

Note: This drabble is for @real-jane’s Healing Hands Challenge! I've been itching to write another Bruce Wayne fic after finishing Lingering Shadows and I'm so excited to share this with you! Enjoy :)

~~~~~

“I had everything under control,” Bruce argued, lowering the right side of your shirt collar to inspect the gash that ran from your shoulder to your sternum. The bleeding had stopped, meaning it hadn’t hit a major artery, but the sight of it still made his chest ache.

You rolled your eyes. “Sure, five guys pinning you down and a gun pointed to your head. Total control. Nothing for me to worry about.”

He glared at you, then turned to the med kit to start bandaging the wound. You tried to steel yourself as he approached with the antiseptic, but a small gasp still escaped you as it finally made contact with the raw parts of your skin.

Bruce grimaced. “Sorry,” he murmured. His movements were slow, careful, gentle, as if he were handling something truly precious.

To him, you were.

The only sounds for the minutes that he worked were the water droplets falling that echoed through the hideout under the Wayne household.

All Bruce could hear though was the blood beating in his ears, his eyes focused on the painful cut on your skin, replaying the scene of the man slicing you open as he remained tackled to the ground, powerless.

In a matter of seconds, his reason for living would have been gone while all he could do was watch.

Once the bandage was secure, he lightly traced his fingers along where he knew the mark was. Then, he leaned forward and pressed his lips at the base of your neck just above the tape. The brush of his lips sent a shiver down your spine, an overwhelming sense of relief that you were both sitting on the leather couch that Bruce bought after your first visit to the secret lair, when you commented about not having a place to relax after another night of saving Gotham.

You were both here. Alive.

But then relief was quickly drowned out with concern as he pulled away and you saw his piercing blue eyes brimming with tears, a few of them making their way down his cheeks.

“Hey,” you whispered, cupping his face and wiping away the tears. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m okay, Bruce.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “It almost wasn’t though. You almost weren’t okay.” His voice was thick with bitterness. “I’ve never been so fuckin’ terrified in my life. I couldn’t bear it if I lost you-”

“And I couldn’t bear it if I lost you.” You pulled him closer, both hands holding his face - ignoring the pain on your right side - until his forehead leaned against yours. “We’re partners, both down here and out on the streets. You have to let me fight for you, because you’re worth fighting for, worth saving. You can’t expect me to sit around and watch you leave me when there’s something I can do about it.” You glared into his eyes, demeanor a little more joking as you said, “It’s downright rude for you to think that I wouldn’t want to take fun in beating the shit out of those lowlifes, if you ask me.”

A breath of a laugh escaped him and you smiled. There he was. The man underneath the wall he had built around his heart years ago. The man you spent years searching for.

The man you would follow to the ends of the earth, with eyes that sparkled when he laughed and a smile that made your heart swell.

“Apologies, baby,” he said, hand moving to the back of your head to gently pull you closer to him. “You can beat up all the lowlifes you want, just as long as I can be there with you.”

You smiled, but before you could accept his offer, Bruce’s lips melted into yours, and the two of you spent the rest of the night celebrating the small victory of making it through another day by each other’s side.

~~~~~

Thank you for reading! :)

#bruce wayne x you #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne x y/n #bruce wayne #batman

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chibinightowl · 2 years ago

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I decided to write more. Kriz called it Wedding Disaster and honestly, it fits. Part One can be found here.

Tim readjusted the mask covering his mouth and nose for the umpteenth time and wondered why, with all the money he had in his bank account he could never find a mask that wasn’t uncomfortable. Then again, he also hated wearing them with a passion and really wished his lymphatic system and liver would just get with the program already. The next time someone called him the spleenless wonder, he was going to shoot them. Non-fatally, of course. More like a graze, probably.

“Stop fidgeting,” Jason said, nudging him in the arm. “Your mask is fine.”

“Says you. You’re not the one wearing it.” Tim huffed and tried to find something else to do with his hands. You’d think in the private terminal of the airport, there would be something to do besides just sit and wait.

“You didn’t have to come with me,” Jason pointed out. “I could have just swung by and picked you up.”

Tim leveled a glare at his fiancé. “Excuse you, but I seem to remember being told last night you wanted to keep an eye on me because I might do something stupid, like use one of my emergency contingency plans and flee the country.”

“That does sound like something I’d say.” Jason settled an arm across Tim’s shoulders. Outwardly, it looked like a sweet gesture between a loving couple, but in reality, Jason probably thought Tim was about ready to bolt. “Are you nervous because we’re actually making wedding plans or nervous about meeting Alfred? Trust me, you survived meeting Bruce--Alfred is a lot more normal.”

“A bit of both, I guess.” Tim leaned back into the comfortable and familiar weight of Jason’s arm. “It still feels surreal that I’m in a long-term relationship, let alone engaged.”

“If it helps, Steph is firmly convinced we’re perfect for each other and that any other relationship either of us might have had would have crashed and burned because of all the lies.”

Jason’s sister wasn’t wrong. That was part of the reason why Tim had never bothered with a long-term relationship. His lifestyle, let alone his past, just wasn’t conducive to it.

And then Jason kicked in his hotel room door and turned his life upside down.

Truth be told, Tim wouldn’t have it any other way. There was no one he’d rather spend the rest of his life with--and the sex was good too, especially now that he was allowed to again.

The evening after that particular doctor’s appointment had been fantastic, if a bit vanilla because Tim’s endurance wasn’t what it used it be. That was okay, they’d work back up to it.

Tim shrugged. “I’ll take that instead of the brick I heard she wanted to throw at me.”

Jason laughed. “What you really want to avoid is her right hook. It’s a ki--” he paused, then abruptly stood up, standing straighter than usual.

Following his fiancé’s gaze, Tim saw an old man in a three-piece suit approaching them. He carried an overcoat and wheeled a suitcase behind him.

Oh, boy. There was no escape now, not with that gimlet gaze landing on him. Clearly, nothing escaped the former British spymaster.

“Alfred!” Jason opened his arms and embraced the man, who returned the hug with a few pats on the wall of muscle that made up Jason’s back.

“Hello, Master Jason. It has been too long.”

Slowly and with more than a little trepidation, Tim rose to his feet.

Turning, Jason snagged the suitcase and smiled broadly. “Tim, this is Alfred Pennyworth. He’s the one who keeps us all in line. Alfie, this is Tim.”

Kind eyes fell on him, crinkling in the corners as Alfred extended a hand. “It is truly a pleasure to finally meet you, Master Timothy. I do hope you are well.”

“Well enough, thank you.” Tim accepted the warm hand, noting the papery-smoothness and spots from age. Despite the outward frailty, the grip was strong and confident before retreating. “Welcome to San Francisco.”

“Thank you.” Alfred adjusted the already perfect fold of his overcoat over his arm and looked to Jason. “I know there is much on the agenda today, but I would like it if we would stop by a grocery for a few dinner items.”

“Sure, but only if I’m cooking. You’re the one who just flew across the country, not me.”

As the two men bickered good-naturedly about dinner, Tim followed after them, bemused.

Alfred did appear to be the most normal of the Bats. But despite that, there was no doubt in his mind that the old man was also the most terrifying of them all.

#chibinightowl writes #jaytim #Courting Disaster #i suppose i'll turn this into a proper fic #eventually

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ellana-ravenwood · 4 years ago

Text

“You’re not my real mom !” - Batkids x Fem!Reader (Batmom)

Synopsis : A story about those few dreaded words : “You’re not my real mom”, said by the batkids, to you, in a the heat of a moment. And the aftermath of it all...

This has been in my draft for ages. I hope you like it :) :

my masterlists : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

DICK

It happened so fast. In a quick moment of anger.

A flash, a bang, words said too quickly to truly realize their meaning.

Dick was frustrated because he felt you didn’t understand him, his point of view. And you were trying to explain to him that it was not okay to...

You know what ?

You couldn’t even remember what he did. As if whatever it was, it was all wiped out of your memory when he pronounced those bone chilling words.

You only remembered you were “scolding” him, just like parents do when their child did something he wasn’t supposed to. You rarely told Dick off, even when he would burst into fits of anger.

You always told him : “When you came into my life, you changed everything. And I love all of you little bird. Not just when you’re joking around and smiling. But also when you get angry, and lash out. You are my son, I love all of you.”

And you meant it. Often, you or Bruce would take the brunt of his anger, without batting an eye. After all, that child went through a lot. It was totally normal for him to lash out at times.

He saw his parents died right in front of him. It wasn’t a trauma that would be solved that fast (Bruce was proof of it). “The magic of love” couldn't simply cure someone who was so deeply hurt. Although it helped, over time.

Yes. Time.

It would take time, and support, for Dick to heal. And you were here for it. Here for him.

But there were times, you had to say something.

Usually, it was when he was being too reckless.

Your son could be overzealous, and go too far. And you were so worried about his safety and wellbeing...Very rarely, you’d have to “scold” him.

And you couldn’t even remember what you were lecturing him about that evening (even if you had an idea it was about being a little more careful). All you remembered was...

“You’re not even my real mom ! You can’t tell me anything !”

And him turning away from you, crossing his arms and refusing to look your way. Which was good anyway, because you were an instant mess.

“Ok”, you managed to say, wondering how the hell you were able to get the words out. And then you left. Feeling the tears welling up in your eyes. And your heart slowly breaking.

Bruce found you two later, both clearly feeling down...

Dick stayed quiet the entire time they were on patrol, and Bruce instantly knew something was wrong. He wasn’t there during your fight, and he only arrived when you were already gone, surprised that you went to bed so early in the night, and didn’t stay with your son downstairs until it was time for patrol...

The man didn’t push the boy, waiting for him to open up if he wanted to. And as usual, Dick did finally speak up. In a weak voice, as they were surveying the city from a rooftop, he said :

“I told her she wasn’t my real mom...”

“Ah.”

Bruce felt the urge to go back home and console you, knowing that you were certainly a mess, right now. But he had to take care of his boy, too.

And oh, oh Dick looked so crestfallen and sad as the meaning of his words slowly etched into his mind.

“I told her she wasn’t-she wasn’t-but she is I just-I-I don’t know why I said that-I...”

The little one was on the verge of tears, and Bruce understood why.

He probably understood more than anyone else.

He told Alfred “You’re not my dad !” more than once, and remembered how even the stoic butler looked, whenever he said it.

He remembered the hurt in his eyes, the resignation too. The “very well sir”, said in a neutral manner, but the stiff way he’d left the room.

It took Bruce a while, to finally realize that Alfred WAS his father. That he raised him, most definitely. And was always there for him during the hard times.

That he even helped and supported him, when he came back after disappearing for years, saying : “I’m going to dress up as a bat and wipe crimes from Gotham”. ...How many parents would be that understanding, eh ?

Alfred knew Bruce. And always tried to do his best for him. So whenever Bruce would yell at him that he “wasn’t his father”, it hurt.

Bruce knew it. He noticed how Alfred’s entire demeanor would change. He’d see a light go out in his eyes.

“Very well, sir.”, a small bow, and the stiffness of his body as he left...

And Bruce remembered.

The guilt and the pain he felt himself, as he regretted ever saying those words. As he knew they were going to hurt, which is why he said them in the first place.

It wasn’t that he wanted to hurt his adopted father, oh no. It was that sometimes he just...He just felt so angry ! Like everything was unfair ! And he missed his parents so much !

It was a force stronger than him, he wanted Alfred to leave him alone, and pushed him away...”You’re not my dad !”. So yes. Bruce understood little Dickie. He understood you, too. He knew how you must’ve felt, he saw it enough happening to Alfred.

Once you’d get home, he would take care of you. But right now, he had to care for his son.

Right here, on one of Gotham’s rooftop, the scary and mighty Batman slowly kneeled down, and took his boy in his arms, holding him tightly.

Dick didn’t need more to throw his arms around his father’s shoulders, and hold him strongly too, with all his nine years old strength, sobbing slowly.

Bruce drew soothing circles on his back, and whispered :

��It’s ok, it’s going to be ok. It’s ok. Calm down, things are going to be ok.”

Your husband lost count of the time passing. Were they there, holding each others while Dick was sobbing uncontrollably, for ten minutes, or for ten hours ? He didn’t know. And he didn’t budge.

His son needed him. Just like once, he needed Alfred...

Dick fell asleep in his arms, and that night, Bruce came home early.

Not like he was going to stay out anyway, knowing you were probably devastated, all alone in your room...

************

Dick fell into a deep sleep, and didn’t budge one bit even as Bruce came down the building, rode home, and put him into bed.

Bruce’s guess was that all the pent up feelings truly exhausted him. Also, he knew that crying could be tiring. And freeing, in a way.

Putting the boy’s blanket all the way up to his chin, Bruce laid a kiss on his forehead and then rushed to your shared bedroom...

You had cried too, but you were not asleep.

Your eyes were puffy and red, and your cheeks marked with your tears. You seemed surprised, when he came in, and looked at the clock.

It was only midnight ?

“Hello, my love.”

He sat down next to you, and from the way he ran his fingers through your hair, and caressed your cheek, wiping the salty tears from it...You knew he knew.

He knew how devastated you felt. How those simple words that would mean nothing for many, truly wounded you.

He knew how much you loved that boy, how as soon as your eyes laid on his little face that terrible night he lost his parents, you felt like he was going to be your son one day.

He knew how much you’d sacrifice for that kid’s happiness, how far you’d go to keep him safe...And so, how hurtful him telling you you weren’t his real mother must’ve felt.

There was no need for words.

He knew what to do. He laid next to you, and you just cuddled up to him, letting him wrap you up in his warm embrace.

He drew those same soothing circles on your back than he did on Dick’s. And whispered :

“He didn’t mean it. He truly didn’t. He loves you, you know. I love you too.”

You fell asleep to his words of love and reassurance, finally letting go after hours of not being able to sleep, reenacting the terrible scene in your head over and over again, making yourself feel worst each times.

************

You woke up around 4 am, with Bruce’s arms wrapped around you.

He was asleep and escaping his grasp (without Alfred’s help) took you a little bit..but you managed to leave without waking him up.

He did groan a little at the loss of your warmth, and grabbed your pillow to hold it against his chest. Which was extremely cute, and oh how glad you were to be the only one to see this side of him.

You went down to the kitchen and...

Dick was coming from the other door, opposite to the one you took.

The kitchen had three access. Two doors facing each others, and one on the third wall. The door you took was because you got a little lost and did a detour through the drawing room. Dick, however, came from the door you should’ve come from too, which was the one you accessed from the West Wing third corridors, which was directly under your bedroom, and Dick’s.

The boy probably stood up a little after you, and while you got lost in your own home (again), he took the normal way and...

Boom. Here you both were, arriving in the kitchen at the same time.

There was a small silence. Awkward. And...

Your heart tightened.

Dick was sort of cowering backward in fear. Fear of what ?

Oh. But of course.

“He didn’t mean it.”

Bruce whispered to you many times, before you fell asleep. And the way Dick looked at you, worry in his eyes...He was thinking you were mad at him. And the regret in his pupils was as obvious as that fact.

“Ice cream ?”

You ask him. His eyes widen a bit, and you can almost see the gears in his brain trying to piece everything together. You’re...not mad at him ?

Of course you’re not. You felt sad, and lost, and hurt, yes. But never did you feel any hint of anger. Of course not.

You take out his favorite flavor from the freezer, and settle a bowl in front of one of the high stool around the counter.

At that time, Dick was so tiny. A very short little bean. And he’d stay small for a long time, only having a sudden spurt when he was around fifteen.

He climbed onto the stool, and watched you as you gave him some ice cream and a spoon, and then sat down next to him to eat some as well.

The silent was slowly turning less awkward.

Slowly, and unsurely, Dick picked his spoon up and looked at you. And completely missed his mouth, the ice cream spreading on his cheek instead.

You turn around to look at him, ice cream on his cheek, and he’s clearly embarrassed, as a tint of color slowly rises on his face.

You don’t really know why, but something snaps in you and you start laughing. And laughing. And laughing.

Because honestly, the kid missing his mouth as he picked his spoon up full of ice cream, is kinda funny right ? And also, all the tension and stress you felt suddenly broke with this simple, silly thing.

Unsure at first, Dick just looked at you. But your laughter quickly spread to him, and soon enough, you both were bursting out in laughter.

Anyone not knowing what happened, would probably think you were both crazy, laughing that hard for no apparent reasons.

Instinctually, you ruffle his hair and Dick gasps. You really weren’t mad at him ?!

You realized what you did, and slowly, both your laughter subsided. There was a small silence as Dick stared at you, and you stared back, and then :

“I’m-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it !”

He says in a small voice, and he can’t add anything else as you just pick him up and hold him tight against your heart, and you say :

“I know.”

And it’s all he needs to realize you’re not really mad at him, and although he messed up and hurt you, right now, you were both on the path of recovery...

Next morning, Bruce woke up alone in bed, which greatly distressed him as usual (he often woke up first). But a gut feeling was telling him that...

He found you asleep with Dick in his bed, holding him tightly.

************

After that event, you sat down with him, so you could have a serious talk about the underlining issue this raised. Talk about something important.

“Little bird, you know I love you, right ?”

He nods, but still cannot speak quite yet, doesn’t have the energy to.

“I want you to understand something. Something vital. Are you listening ?”

He nods again, his eyes fixed on you. And he’s listening, oh he definitely is.

“It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to lash out. It’s ok to not be alright. It’s ok to make mistakes.”

He nods, a little slower than before, and you can see his eyes slowly becoming wetter and wetter.

“It’s ok. It really is. I’m here. And I love you. Even when you don’t want me around. Even when you push me away. I’m here. And I always will be. Ok ?”

He nods one last time, unable to hold his tears, and then his little arms latch around you, and he refuses to let go for well over an hour...

Oh. Sweet, sweet boy.

Your son.

************

Even now, at age twenty seven, Dick still often think about this day. And the regrets are as burning as they were back then.

He often thought about it.

Whenever you did something for him, went out of your way to make him happy, or were just there for him, always...

He’d have a flashback of this day, and feel nothing but regret and anger at his younger self.

And then you’d read him like an open book. Know exactly what he was thinking, and would slowly shake your head, and say : “I know I often said that, but I will say it till the day I die if I need to : when you came into my life, you changed everything. And I love all of you little bird. Not just when you’re joking around and smiling. But also when you get angry, and lash out. You are my son. I love all of you. Even when you’re a little bit of a jerk.” and you’d wink at him, making him chuckle and feel a surge of affection toward you.

Kind of like the ones you’d feel sometimes. A sudden urge to hug your family, to tell them what they mean to you. Both you and Dick understood since a long time that with the life you all lead, you never knew what could happen, and should never waste a “I love you” if you felt like saying it.

Well, the apple never fall far from the tree ?

Yes. Because you were his mom. And nothing would ever change his mind on that. Ever.

JASON

"Well Jason, you did it you idiot !”

He says to himself in the mirror, and oh he could’ve punch himself if it was possible. He took his desk chair, and threw it across his bedroom, letting out a scream of frustration.

He went to his desk, and threw everything that was on it on the floor. He then went to his book shelves and...

There. Your book. The one you wrote for him.

Jason fell to his knee, holding his head in his hands, crying softly.

Yes. Yes he did it...He ruined this one chance life gave him to have parents.

He hurt one of the person that meant the most to him, one of the person he loved the most...His mom. You.

Because you were his mom, no matter what he told you, in that moment of anger as you scolded him after he did something dangerous during one of his patrol.

He hadn’t been allowed to go out for long, by then. And Bruce had already scolded him before for the very same thing, so when you did it too, he had enough and...it happened before he could think about it.

He was angry, about the lack of trust and about the sermons, and his brain tried to hurt without even thinking about it. Triggered by years of living in the streets, where he had to think quick and act right away, and then suffer the consequences. If he wasn’t fast enough, it could be the end of him...

A gut reaction triggered by years of being all on his own, having to fend for himself. His brain went into overdrive, “hurt” is what it set into motion.

“You’re not my mom !”

And that was it...

As he saw your face fell, and his father’s face turn angry, he knew. He knew he messed up. He messed everything up, as usual !

“Jason !”

Bruce called, but Jason wasn’t about to stop. He ran out of the cave, right to his bedroom. Oh, oh but if only he stayed a little longer. He’d realize that his father wasn’t angry, just hurt as well.

Hurt to see the woman he loved being hurt.

Not angry. Ah but being in pain could sometimes look like you are mad ? And Bruce hadn't been able to hide his frown as he heard Jason’s words...

“Let him be, Bruce.”

You say in a weak voice. You knew Jason, you knew sometimes he needed to cool down on his own. That he could be impulsive, but always came around.

Ah. But that time, he needed everything but to be alone.

Because, as he thought he ruined his one chance at having a real family, he thought...

“Better to leave before they throw me away !”

He knew he could never bear to face you and Bruce, as you’d certainly tell him you were “un-adopting” him. Jason saw it happened before. Someone thinking their adopted kid was “too much”, and sending them back.

It was awful, of course. But it happened. For real. And Jason knew that life could really suck...But her couldn’t bear to face you as you’d send him away.

Worst, what if you just send Alfred and that was it ?

No. Jason would leave before you could do that. He couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t.

Filling his backpack with some clothes, and snacks, he opened his window and slid down the gutter all the way to the ground, and then ran away into the night. Tears trailing down behind him, as he left behind the one place in which he ever felt safe, warm, and loved.

In the meantime, you and Bruce were unaware of that, and slowly falling asleep in each others’ arms... As usual, Bruce was there for you.

************

“Jason ? I thought I wouldn’t see you anymore after you got adopted by dem fancy fellas. Are you here to get some work ?”

“No.”

“Really, why did you come then ?”

“I didn’t, I’m just passing by.”

“Nah, don’t believe it. Once a bad boy, always a bad boy !”

“TAKE IT BACK !”

As he ran away, Jason went back to a place he thought he never would need to. A few intricate alleys, in the Bowery, under the main city.

The Bowery, a filthy underground neighborhood, hell on Earth for many. Although things did improve when Batman started his work a few years back.

“Wow there tiger, relax.”

Jason came in this specific area for only one thing. Retrieve a few items he left behind, thinking he would never need it again because he was leaving behind this life.

He had a hideout, not far. In which he hid some materials to survive in the streets. He thought he probably had to go back to stealing cars’ tires...Although maybe he should change it. Thinking of what happened last time he did this hurt his heart.

He knew that next time he’d get caught stealing tires, the person wouldn’t end up adopting him...Anyway, he didn’t want any other parents but you and Bruce.

And he messed that up so bad, by being so mean to you !

“Listen, it’s not because you got all fancy schmancy that you can talk to me like that. Remember who’s boss in this part of town.”

Batman did a lot of good to the city, but also, by getting rid of some big players in the “crime business”, he allowed small time thugs to climb up the ladders...It felt, at times, like there always was someone to replace whoever Bruce just put behind bars...

The man who was talking to Jason, used to be a small time criminal. Turned boss, when the Batman kept arresting all the people above him. Jason used to “work” for him, bringing him watches or jewelry that he’d exchange against cash.

Damn. He never thought he’d ever see him again... Oh and he definitely didn’t think this through.

As the new boss, who’s name was Johnny Clancy, told him that he’d forever be a “bad boy”, Jason saw red and...getting mad at a crime boss was a bad idea.

Before he could even think about an escape plan, Jason was surrounded by dangerous armed men.

“How dare you talk to me like that ? Mmm. The Waynes adopted you right ? Mmm. They’re loaded. Probably would pay a fortune to get you back uh ? And to think they’re gonna give me a lot of cash to get a little runaway brat back haha. Because that’s what you did right ? You ran away ? As you always did before mm ? You know, I observed you Jason Todd. I saw you run away from anyone getting close. I saw you.”

Jason’s heart didn’t need anyone to push and squiggle the knife he felt in around some more. He had just lost his family. Did he need more reminder that he always fucked up ?!

“They won’t give you any money, they don’t want me anymore...”

But Johnny didn’t believe him, of course. He told two of his thugs to grab the boy, but Jason, by instinct, dropped them to the floor with a few well placed kicks and punches.

And that was enough to unleash Johnny Clancy’s wrath.

See, he was a new boss. He had to assert dominance. And an eight years old kid making a fool of him and his gang ? That wouldn’t go.

So what if he had to off a child ? Anything to keep climbing up, and leave the Bowery’s slums.

************

“Have you seen Jason ?”

Bruce asks you, a few hours after your fight with him.

“What ? No, I thought he was with you ?”

“No, he skipped his training and I thought he might be with you, apologizing for what he said yesterday ? You know, sounds like something he would do.”

“I haven’t seen him since, you know. I thought he was avoiding me...”

“He would never.”

“Bruce...”

“He would never, my love. I know what he said hurt you, but I’m sure he’s regretting it right now. You should go see him, he’s probably sulking in his bedroom. I wouldn’t be surprised if you meet him up the stairs as he comes down to say sorry.”

“Bruce...”

Your husband comes to you, and takes your hands in his.

“You know him. He’s impulsive, and a little abrasive sometimes. But he’s a sweet child. And he regrets his bursts, you know it. Tonight was just tough, we both scolded him, he’s not used to it.”

“You’re right.”

“Of course I am, I’m-”

“I swear to God if you say “I’m Batman” I’m going to smack you.”

Bruce smiles softly at you, glad he managed to at least made the tension go away a little. He pecks your lips quickly, and watches you as you leave to go to your son’s bedroom.

He was about to go down the Batcave, when you came back, panicked :

“He’s gone ! Jason’s gone !”

Ah. Bruce knew that placing a tracker in his children’s molars was a good idea.

************

“HOW HARD IS IT TO CATCH A FUCKING KID ?!”

Jason runs as fast as he can, without looking back. He managed to break the line of thugs coming at him, and escape in-between to of them who didn’t pull their guns out quite yet.

They were shooting at him. With no hesitation.

Johnny was set on proving he was an unscrupulous boss. To earn everyone’s respect. So what if he had to shoot a kid ? It’d send everyone a message. He’d back off from nothing !

Jason turned in an alley and...Damn it ! He must’ve taken a wrong turn at some point, it had been a while, since he roamed the Bowery’s alleyways...

He was faced by a wall, stuck. And they quickly caught up to him.

“Wooouh, you’re fast kid. And you’re sneaky. Too bad you’re such a brat, I bet you could be a nice addition to our-”

Johnny Clancy never finished his sentence. In fact, he never could properly speak after that night. After getting his jaw broken into a thousand pieces by the Batman’s fist.

Bruce had come down from nowhere, with...you in his arms ?!

This was the first time Jason saw you wear the costume he saw a few times in the Batcave. He thought you wore it only to go to the JLA’s watchtower, to hide your identity. Not that you could actually...fight ?!

And wow, you definitely could hold your own ! You made a few disarming pass, taking the guns away from all the men before they could even react, and letting Bruce finish them off with well placed kicks and punches.

Oh and that night, the Batman unleashed his rage and unforgiveness full force. How dare they touch his son ?!

You didn’t have anything to envy from your husband either, however, as you worked through Johnny’s gang rather fast too.

That night, the both of you exterminated (figure of speech, of course, neither of you ever killed, that was the one big rule...but there were never a rule against breaking a few bones) Johnny Clancy’s gang, who dared to even think of hurting your precious son.

Jason, holding his backpack tight against him, couldn’t believe his eyes. You two came to save him ? But...why ?

He messed up. You’d surely not want him around anymore !

Once Bruce dropped the last man, you rushed to Jason and before he could utter a sound, took him in your arms.

“Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re safe baby, I’m so glad you’re...”

Your voice broke at the end, and you chocked, the emotions too strong and squeezing your throat.

Jason didn’t understand. And through his surprise, he managed to say :

“I thought-I thought you’d never want to see me again, and that you wouldn’t want to be my mom anymore.”

You hold him even tighter, as you feel Bruce get down on his knee and bring the both of you in his arms.

“Oh sweety, never. Never.”

You say, not letting go.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry...”

Your son manage to choke out, before sobbing profusely and holding on to you and Bruce.

“I’m just glad you’re safe...it’s ok, it’s ok it’s already forgotten...”

And it was. As soon as you saw that Jason-That your SON, was missing, you forgot he ever told you “you’re not my mom”. You forgot and it truly didn’t matter anymore, as all you cared about was to find him, and make sure he was safe.

“Jason, oh my little Jason, I’m so glad you’re safe...”

Wether it is a conscious things or not, he returns your embrace fiercely, holding tightly as he looks up at you. It almost feels like he wants to make sure you really are there. And won’t go anywhere. Like everyone else did in his life.

Jason was tired of losing those close to him. Those he cared about. Sometimes, he’d push them away, by fear of getting attached again just for life to rip them away from him. So he held onto you, as you held him back.

Tightly against your heart.

“Mom...”

This was the day Jason Todd realized something very important : He wasn’t alone anymore. He had parents who loved him, and he loved them back.

So much.

And they’d never let him go. Never.

************

Years later, this love he had for you and Bruce, turned out to be the very reason he became “Red Hood”.

From that day he told you : “you’re not my real mom !”, he felt like he belonged. Like finally, the people he loved loved him back. Like he was cherished. And then Bruce didn’t avenge him. He let Joker get away. And you let him do it. You, the people he trusted and loved most in the world, betrayed him...

He felt like he wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth Bruce breaking his one rule to avenge him. He wasn’t worth it...He didn’t matter enough.

Jason felt so angry. For years. He wanted to hurt you, to hurt Bruce. To show you what it felt like. What HE felt like.

But Jason has always been a strong one. You knew it. You told him enough times : “you’re a fighter, my Jason. You went through so much, and always came out of it. You lost a lot on the way my little one, but you never give up. You never give up...”

You never give up.

Love.

It’s what drove him to become the Red Hood. It’s what drove him over the edge. What gave him so much pain.

Rather, the feeling of not being loved. The thought all you and Bruce said to him, about how much you cared and loved him, was a lie.

Yes. The thought that you lied about loving him, is what broke him. What made him find every way possible to truly, truly hurt you two.

You never give up.

He was so angry. But he never could quite give up on his family...that’s why he didn’t stay with the Al’ghuls. That why they didn’t keep him.

He could never forget you and Bruce. Move on.

He could never.

Jason was a strong lad. Strong enough to see past his hate and need of revenge. His pain. His deep trauma.

It took a while. But the change came from him. He’s the one that gave you another chance. And it allowed him to realize...nothing was a lie.

And you got your son back.

Because you showed him. You showed him nothing was a lie.

When his dad never gave up on him even as he killed more and more people, and even as Jason saw him completely erase people who used to be close from him as soon as they killed once. When you refused to let him go. When Bruce kept going back, even as he knew Jason would fight him and try to hurt him. When you pleaded with him, even when you knew his answer would be the same...

Jason never gave up.

But you didn’t either.

“You’re not my mom”, are words he never meant. Not even once. Not even when he was the “old” Red Hood, the one that killed mercilessly any criminals, and that was trying to be exactly what Batman wasn’t.

“You’re not my mom”, even at his worst, at a time he suffered greatly, Jason never meant it. He never did.

And ultimately, it’s this filial love, and the love you and Bruce had for him, that brought him back out of the dark pit the Joker pushed him in...

TIM

Tim knew that his overly pragmatic mind sometimes could make him sound tactless. That he had trouble, sometimes, expressing himself properly.

He knew that what he said, although it could be the factual truth, could be perceived as not being very nice...

He knew, yet sometimes, he couldn’t help himself.

“But you’re not my mom.”

He told you that day, as you asked when was the “mother/child day” at school.

Tim’s school had a day each year, during which every mother would come and do different activities with their kids. You did it with Dick and Jason, and it was always great fun, and amazing bonding time.

By then, Tim had been with you and Bruce for over a year now. And he did, see you as his mom. However, he was a little too set, at the time, on rules and specifics. In the “mother/child day” rulebook, it “specifically” said that the actual child’s mother had to come, not the nanny or anyone else.

In Tim’s mind, although he did see you as his mom, he thought the school wouldn’t. For him, the way the rules were written, were clearly stating his birth mother had to come. And the official adoption papers were not processed yet. Those took quite a while.

He had been living with you for over a year. He called you and Bruce “mom and dad”. He truly considered you two his parents. But the official papers were not done quite yet. So to him, in the eye of the law (be it a silly school rule), you weren’t his mom quite yet.

So when he said : “but you’re not my mom”, that’s what he meant. Of course, you misunderstood...

How could you guess that Tim was thinking that only his “birth mother” could take him, because officially right now he didn’t have a mom, just “guardians”...

His mother was dead. Has been dead for a while, now. And even if she wasn’t, Tim knew she’d never come at this event...She wasn’t the caring type of mother. Not like you. Which is why it really bummed him out that those rules were so clearly stated like that !

What Tim misunderstood, is that this specific rule had been added to the rulebook because many family would send their nanny, or a big sister, instead of the mom. Because Tim was of course in Gotham’s Academy, full of rich families, in which the moms were very busy...

Which is why such a day existed. Some kids spend quality times with their mom only on this school day. Nowadays, everyone made an effort to come (the fact you appeared, the famed (Y/N) Wayne, a few years back, with Dick, and it made all the papers’ headlines, might’ve influenced others to participate too).

To tell the truth, Tim was very disappointed that you couldn’t go with him, and was considering asking the principle of the school to do an exception to the rule and allow you to go with him.

He was already fomenting a plan in his head to convince the headmaster to let you come as his mom, and as usual when he was planning things out, he completely disconnected from reality.

And therefor, didn’t see how your face “closed”, and your eyes turned sad. The boy was typing away on his computer, as if nothing had just happened, as if you didn’t feel your world crumble as he flat out told you you weren’t his mom...

Of course, it was all a misunderstanding. He meant it as “officially”. Not about his actual feelings.

For some reason, the way he said it so nonchalantly hurts you more than when Dick and Jason yelled at you that you “weren't their mom”. Because at least, in your eldests’ cases, you knew it was in the heat of the moment.

That it was because they felt frustrated and sad.

But Tim just told you : “But you’re not my mom.” matter of factly, and moved on. And it hurt.

It hurt so much, because that boy...You loved that boy, of course. And considered him your son for sure. Part of your heart, now. Part of your family. And he felt so far, right now...so far...

You left the room and he didn’t even notice.

Did he really not see you as his mom ? Was he just calling you “mom” to imitate his brothers ? ...You didn’t know, but it hurt.

It hurt so much.

************

You found Bruce in his office, doing some paperworks for Wayne Inc. When he saw your face, he immediately smiled, your presence lighting his whole world...But then he saw your expression, and he frowned.

“What happened ?”

************

“Mom ? MooOOooom ?”

Tim had been looking for you for the past hour, but wasn’t able to find you. You weren't in all your favorite places ! Did you leave the Manor without telling him ? It was unlike you.

Finally, he found you. You were in a room that was rarely used, but which was conveniently close to Bruce’s office, and had a couch.

Laying on top of your husband, you were fast asleep as Bruce was going through his paperworks, letting you holding onto his waist as he kept working.

When he saw the boy come in the room, he smiled at him. And it was hard, not to smile at Tim, seeing his own big wide smile.

Tim was missing a few teeth, that fell not long ago, and it was absolutely the cutest, when he smiled widely. He looked so happy, eyes sparkly and genuine smile. It felt wrong to Bruce, to think that this sweet boy didn’t see you as his mom...

Maybe it was all a misunderstanding ? Wouldn’t be the first time. Although, Bruce knew how sometimes Tim could be brutally honest, and say the facts in a matter of factly way that could be very harsh on the uninitiated.

Your son was holding a cardboard sheet almost as big as him, and looked very excited about something. He slowly approached you two, and said, whispering, yet the excitement was clear in his voice :

“Has she been asleep for long, dad ?!”

He called Bruce dad. Without an hesitation. And it felt so genuine. Like he was relishing in the word rolling off of his tongue. And it was often the case, with Tim. His parents, when they were still alive, never really noticed his presence...

And sometimes, it could be even worst to have parents who acted as if you didn’t exist, than caring parents who passed away. Bruce realized this.

“No, she just closed her eyes.”

Bruce answers, looking at you. And oh he couldn’t possibly know how soft his expressions as as he gazed at your sleeping face.

“Oh...”

Tim was clearly disappointed. His shoulders fell down, and he looked on the floor, looking defeated.

“What is it, champ ?”

“Well, I wanted her to-Oh ! Mom !”

The rumbling of your husband’s chest as he spoke is what woke you up. Not the actual sound of their voices, just that low vibrations reverberating in his chest.

You opened one eye, then the second, and was greeted by your youngest son’s face being very close to you. As Tim saw you were waking up, he kneeled down next to the couch, settling his piece of cardboard next to him, and approached you very closely.

His smile and sweet expression filled your vision. And you felt even more hurt, as you saw him so happy to see you, to know he didn’t really think you were his mom.

It was clear he cared for you. And loved you, and being with you. But to him...You weren’t his mom. And that was so painful.

“I got a plan mom, I got a plan !”

A...Plan ? For what ? You don’t even have time to ask him, and, still a little hazy as you just woke up from a short nap (that you took after crying exhausted you), you raise a little from your husband.

You exchange a curious look with him, as you see Tim spring to his feet and get a hold of the piece of cardboard that is almost as tall and large as him.

He turns it around and...

Your heart drops.

It’s a lot of very detailed drawings, maps and words about...about...

“This is how we’re going to convince the headmaster of my school that you’re really my mom, even if officially you’re not yet !! I thought we could start with logic first, and then go down the path of pathos if he really doesn’t change his mind !”

What ? Your brain is trying really hard to comprehend what’s happening, although it is starting to put two and two together.

“The rules say that the mom HAS to be the one who comes, and the way they wrote it suggest that they wouldn’t accept someone who isn’t yet official. But I think we could convince that, in our heart, we’re already an official family, right ?!”

Tim looks at you, and then at his dad, a little worry in his eyes (what if for them, he wasn’t their son yet because the paperworks weren’t finished and officials quite yet ?!?!). Bruce cannot help but smile, and nods, feeling his heart melt (a rare occurrence).

And you. You have exactly the reaction he expected you’d have. You sit up, put the cardboard aside, and drag your son into a tight hug that makes him giggle and exclaim :

“Hahaha mom wait I can’t breaaaathe !! Mom !!”

But he hugs you back, knowing that this means yes, you do consider him your son already, paperworks or not, and you will probably follow his plan to convince the school to-

“Mom ? Why are you crying ? Mom ?”

You can’t explain it to him. You feel silly, but also so emotional and touched. You thought he didn’t think of you as his mom. But he did. Oh he did, and was actually worried about technicalities of rules and...So sweet. That boy is so sweet.

Carefully, Tim dries your tears, and look curiously at his dad, his eyes clearly asking : “Did I do something wrong ?”

You’re still unable to speak, as you hold onto him, and Bruce ruffles his son’s hair saying :

“She’s just too happy, champ. She’s just too happy.”

CASSANDRA

"You, not my mom !”

She screamed. You never heard Cass raised her voice before. And yet, here, she screamed at you. And then closed her bedroom door right on your nose.

And you felt it in your heart. That specific pain that you wished you’d never feel again. That kind of hurt you wished you’d never feel ever again.

It happened just liked it did with Dick and Jason. You were “lecturing” her about putting herself in needless danger, and she felt frustrated at the fact you “didn’t trust her”.

It wasn’t true of course. You did trust her. And you knew she could hold her own. Didn’t mean you wouldn’t worry, and scold her if she really scared you...

It was pure instinct. You couldn’t stop yourself from telling them off when you felt they went too far. You did it with Bruce too.

Once, he threw himself in the way of a bullet to save you, and once he recovered enough...Oh you were so mad at him.

It’s not that you wanted to take that bullet, of course. You knew it was also instinct that made him move to save you. But in truth, you would rather take a thousand bullet than lose any of them. Bruce, or your children.

And sometimes, it was hard for them to understand this. To get why you were so worried, when you accepted fully their night activities.

Why you monitored the batcomputer, if it was to scold them when they put themselves in danger ?

Ah but they didn’t understand that you only got “mad” when they put themselves in NEEDLESS danger. Pushing themselves too far that one night, being careless with something, ignoring their own safety to finish a task...

You couldn’t help but be afraid. And your fear turned into you scolding them. And sometimes, on each sides, things boiled and...

“You, not my mom !”

The meaning was clear. As Cass slammed her door right in your face, you knew not to push it further, not to tell her anything more.

Maybe you should’ve ? Should’ve open her door, and continue lecturing her so she’d understand her life was valuable ?

Cass put herself in danger more than any other member of your family, because she was raised as a weapon and thought of herself as an “expendable”. You weren’t mad at her for this, of course not (but oh, David Cain probably should never cross your path, it wasn’t pretty, when you were truly angry).

You were just worried. And unfortunately, being a parent was complicated and sometimes, your worry turned a little overbearing for your kids.

This was a mistake every normal caring parents made. Wanting what was best for their children, sometimes not realizing they’re going too far. And you ? Your family wasn’t normal.

Your children were vigilantes. Your worries were tuned up to the max.

Being a parent was hard. And sometimes, both you and your kids were frustrated. It happened. In any family.

It was resolved rather fast, most of the time. A little conversation, understanding and indulgence, and boom. Sorted.

However, there were times when things would go a little too far. Wether because one of you was tired, or didn’t feel well etc etc...

Tonight, was such a time.

“You, not my mom !”

Cass didn’t even register what she said. She was just mad and frustrated, and said the first thing that came into her mind. Her hand slammed the door shut before she could even think about it.

And here you were. In the corridor. In front of your daughter’s door.

Hurt. And feeling as devastated as you did when her brothers told you the same thing. You would think, after a few times of this happening, it’d be easier, right ? Well. No. It wasn’t. It really wasn’t.

As usual in those instances, you went to seek comfort in the arms of your husband.

************

Cassandra didn’t feel ok.

In fact, she felt absolutely terrible.

She couldn’t even remember the last time she felt that bad.

When she went to look for you and apologize for her behavior, she found you in her dad’s arms, crying, and it made her run away...

She couldn’t face you, knowing she truly hurt you like that.

The worst thing is, she knew she would hurt you by saying those words. Yet she still did it. It was as if she couldn’t control herself. It was like an ugly force took over her, and made her say those words.

But she knew. She knew she’s the one who ultimately decided to say them. She’s the one that pronounced them. Under the anger.

Anger.

The ugly force.

She turned around in her bed, holding onto the plush toy you gave her shortly after her arrival. You said “every child should have one” and that this one made you think of her.

It was a fox with bright colors. And it still smelled like you.

She was about to fall asleep, when she heard a knock on her door.

“Can we come in ?”

It was her older brothers.

Dick, Jason and Tim.

It was rare, to have them all in the same place nowadays, what with how busy they all were. Dick with Bludhäven, Jason with the gods only knew what really (the gods, and you and Bruce...but sshhh, that’s a secret), and Tim with college applications.

So Cass immediately understood that they heard about the fight she had with their mom.

And she felt a rush of shame come over her. She felt sad too, because maybe they’d be mad at her ?

Cassandra didn’t think she could bear to break your heart, and have her precious brothers mad at her all in the same day.

She almost told them to leave. But she didn’t have the strength.

They surrounded her, and their presence was so...soothing.

And then they spoke. They each told her the story of the time they told their mom those few dreaded words.

“You’re not my real mom !”

They told her how awful they felt, and how they knew they hurt their mom. They told her that...well, they did have the best mom ever.

You never held any grudge. Ever. Especially not against your own family.

You never even mentioned again the fact they told you this awful thing, you never even mentioned once this, under any circumstances.

Her brothers stayed with her for hours, talking about their feelings on the matter. Telling her it happened. That everyone wasn’t always on their best behavior...

It was hard, for Cass, to not be “good”. She did so many awful things when her biological father raised her to be a weapon, she felt like she had to catch up so much on those years of “badness”.

She often felt like she was evil, and could never caught up to everything. Like she was doomed, and could never become good.

On that, Jason told her she was wrong. That everyone could change, and no one was born truly evil. Environment, and the way you’re raised, matter. And what she did...wasn’t her fault. She was forced to. If she really enjoyed doing this she’d never become a Batgirl. She would never be part of this family.

She often felt like she was a bad daughter.

On that, Dick told her she was wrong. He too, felt like a bad son, when he “replaced” his parents with you and Bruce. He too, felt like a bad son when he would get so mad while you would do anything to make him happy. He too, felt like a bad son...on so many occasions. But he grew. And thanks to you mainly, he realized he was just human. Mistakes are human. And it’s not being a bad son, to sometimes feel so hurt that you lash out. That your trauma are so strong, things sometimes are tough.

She often felt like she couldn’t fit in, and would never fit in.

On that, Tim told her she was wrong. Him too, felt too different. He already had parents, they were alive, he just wanted to help, he didn’t have any friends...But in this family. In this family, everyone fitted in. Because you made it so. Bruce made it saw. You both accepted any flaws, and differences your kids might have. You loved them unconditionally, they all knew that by now.

And Cass...Cass didn’t want to hurt you.

They knew that, too.

It was an accident. In the heat of the moment. She didn’t mean it. Of course, you are her mom. Of course...

It felt good, to have her brothers there for her, when you couldn’t be.

************

Later that night, after her brothers left, Cass slowly exits her room and take the known way to yours and Bruce’s.

You are both there, and she knows her dad stayed because you felt bad. He always stayed with you, when you were feeling down. And vice versa.

Cass always told herself that, later, if she ever found a significant other, she’d want her and them to have the same kind of relationships than you. You and Bruce set up a rather high standard for whoever would come into her life.

But that was another story. For now, she was opening the door slowly, scared of waking you up. But you were awake.

Bruce was asleep, deeply. As usual when he felt your warmth against him. But you were not. Cass could see you slowly and absentmindedly caress your husband’s hair. It was soothing to both of you. His silky smooth dark hair were soft in between your fingers, and helped you get your mind off of the pain and focus on the sensation, while for him...Well, it put him asleep, when you did that.

The door creaked a little, and you abruptly turned your head towards it, ready to fight and...You instantly recognize your daughter, even in the dark of the room.

She doesn’t need to talk. You manage to roll over Bruce, who then by instinct roll too, and therefor you create a little spot for your daughter to climb in bed with you.

You turn around in Bruce’s arms, and slowly wrap them around your middle, instead of your shoulders. You turn towards Cass, your back against Bruce’s chest, and tap the small spot you managed to create next to you.

Cass understands, and climbs in, facing you. She lays her head on her arms, as you do the same. And then she mouthes :

“Sorry mom...”

And that’s all you needed. You gesture for your daughter to cuddle up close, and she does. By instinct, Bruce lets go one arm off of you, and grabs his kid to bring her closer. He is still asleep, but it wouldn’t surprise anyone that his subconscious holds onto the two most important women in his life like so.

And there she is. Cass feels safe. And warm. And she hears your heart beat softly. And she knows it partly beats for her.

And partly for Bruce. And partly for Dick. And partly for Jason. And Tim. And Damian. And Duke. And Alfred.

It beats for your family.

For her family.

Family.

She has a family.

And you are her mom.

Her biological father never hugged her, never told her everything was going to be alright, never...

Cass never felt safe and warm.

Like she did, right now, held by both you and Bruce.

“Family...”

She whispers, as she slowly falls asleep. And you’re the only mom she ever wants to have. You are, her real mom. Always have been, always will be.

DAMIAN

Damian didn’t really think this was a big deal, at first.

Just like his father, he often made the mistake to think that people around him will simply understand his true meaning.

When he told you : “You’re not even my real mom !”, he obviously didn’t mean it. He was angry because you told him he couldn’t go out on patrol for a few days, as he was grounded for skipping school and going to work on cases instead.

“But school is boring, I already know everything ??”

“It’s the principle of it, Damian. You can’t just do what you want whenever you want, this is not how it works. I don’t feel like we’re extremely strict parents, so when you betray our trusts like that, it has consequences.”

Bruce kept out of the argument, ready to jump in however if you needed him to affirm that yes, actions have consequences and although you two are pretty lax with your son on many fronts, he still has to listen. You and Bruce made clear rules when you first adopted Dick, because you realized your lifestyle was anything but normal, but it didn’t mean your children could just do anything they wanted.

Neither of you wanted them to turn into privileged little brats. Or to think they were above everything. And you were right, by skipping school so much, and lying about it, Damian did betray your trust.

Understanding actions had consequences was a big step that took a while, with Damian. Unfortunately, he grew up in an environment that indeed taught him he could do whatever he wanted, no matter if he hurt people on the way...

Unlearning all this, was tough. And you understood that. Which is why you let things go a lot, with him, and only slowly told him about things. Gradually teaching him about your values and principles.

However sometimes, like in this case, you needed to be firm and strict, because otherwise he’d just keep doing it knowing it had no bad consequences, and you didn’t want him to simply not go to school anymore...School was important for his social development, you realized it as he made friends and...

And simply, an eleven years old kid couldn’t just roam around all day as he saw fit. That’s it. And so here you were, trying to explain this to him. And that’s when he said it.

He scrunched up his nose like he always did when he was angry, and then, turning his head away from you, throwing his Robin boots at the back of the cave.

“You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not even my real mom !”

And then he bolted out of the Batcave, leaving you behind, with a broken heart and feeling guilty...What if he hates you, because you were too harsh on him ?

Bruce, that night, did not go out on patrol either, and stayed with you. Of course, he did.

************

The fact he still listened to you and didn’t go out, made him thought you knew he was just angry and didn’t mean a word of it.

To him, it was so obvious he thought of you as his mom, and that he said this just because he wanted to have the last word, that he honestly didn’t think much of it.

Sure he was frustrated and angry, just like any kid was when their parents said : “no” to them. But he didn't mean it...

He didn’t really see you of the entire day. Finally, he decided to go see his father to ask him what was up.

“Father ?”

“Yes ?”

“Is-is mom ok ?”

“Well, what do you think ?”

“She doesn’t seem ok.”

“Do you know why ?”

“Did you do something to upset her ?”

Normally, Bruce would feel vex at this statement. What, did he really do things to upset you that often ? Yes and now. Sometimes, he would get on your nerve, and vice versa. It happened, in relationships.

But it was never anything major. Not anymore at least. Because now, when he had his “dark days” and could be a total jerk, you knew how to handle him. You knew not to take his bullshit.

Yes. Normally, Bruce would pout like a child, at the fact his son thought that his mom was feeling down because of him. But not today. No.

Because he knew that what made you sad, was something important.

Unfortunately, Damian inherited from him his bad habit of thinking others will understand his meaning.

Like, when he tried to push you away at first so you wouldn't get involved in his crazy life, what he really wanted was for you to get closer...Or when he told you that he was fine at times, all he wanted was for you to hold him and take care of him etc etc...The first time he told you “I love you”, wasn’t with words, but by not going on patrol one night, to stay with you. And he thought you’d immediately understand that he truly loved you...Truth was, it wasn’t as obvious to you (or anyone really) than it was for him.

And Damian had the same problem. Doing things that he thought would obviously tell his meaning, his real feelings, when really...No one but him would get it.

Although you became quite good at deciphering your husband’s true intentions, you could still misinterpret things sometimes.

And yesterday night, when you grounded your son and tried to teach him a life lesson...You definitely didn’t see that he didn’t mean what he said and just wanted the last word. For you, he was seriously meaning it. And that’s why you were avoiding him a little, because it was too hard to...to...

Damian’s words truly hurt you. You often were scared he could never see you as his mom (even if he did call you mom now and clearly cared for you) because of how he grew up. You’d never give up on him, of course, but it didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt when he pushed you away or pretended to not care...

Damian thought it was obvious, that his actions actually reflected how much you meant to him. That without you, he’d be lost and honestly wouldn’t want to live in a world where you weren’t.

But it wasn’t obvious.

Bruce sighed, and then smiled :

“Since when is she acting odd ?”

“This morning. She didn’t kiss me goodbye when she went to work !”

It felt like such a serious issue to your boy, in that instant, that Bruce wished you were there to see his reaction. You’d instantly know he didn’t mean it, when he said you weren’t his mom...

But you couldn’t quite face him. You didn’t really avoid him or try to hurt him by not saying goodbye. Of course not, you were an adult, and you definitely knew that doing to others what was done to you is pointless, and mean. And why hurt someone the same way they hurt you ? You’re no better than them uh...

“Can you think of anything that might’ve upset her ?”

“I spilled my milk a little, but cleaned it after. I didn’t let Alfred do it like last time. I woke up a minute late, too. Jason hasn’t called in two days, but he was there yesterday afternoon. Dick said she messed up her pumpkin soup but he was just joking and she knows. Tim fell asleep at the breakfast table. You clinging to her this morning apparently made her late, I heard Alfred say it. Um...Cass um...Cass didn’t do anything bad really...None of those things sound like it would upset her though ! She really looked sad this morning, not like herself at all !”

Bruce couldn’t help but smile. It was pretty cute, how Damian often acted as if he didn’t care about anything, yet no details would ever go past him. Especially not when it came to his family. He always noticed, when one of them felt down in any way, and tried to help (in his own way).

Hell, he probably woke Tim up and told him to sleep more and take care of himself. Called Jason and told him to call his mom. Scolded Dick to not make this kind of jokes again.

This was just the Damian that was privy only to them. A sweet child, who unfortunately often had trouble expressing his true feelings.

Just like his father.

Damian would often brag about his siblings, and how awesome they were, to his friends (notably to Jon, who didn’t have any siblings). But he’d never tell them right in front of their face.

Bruce tried to help Damian see what was wrong, and said :

“What about last night ?”

“Ugh ? What about last n-OH !”

Damian replayed the events in his head, and remembered his anger and frustration. But most importantly...What he told his mom.

“I have to find mom ! Where is she ?!”

Damian looked absolutely panicked, which was quite unlike him. Bruce answered :

“She’s at work, she had a meeting with her editor. She should be back soon, though.”

And on that note, Damian ran out to do god knew what, as Bruce shook his head and...Well, he just knew things would turn out alright.

************

Alfred almost fainted, when he saw Damian tear off his beautiful flowers from his garden. He almost ran out, and had a very “get off my lawn !” moment...up until he realized that the boy was probably doing this for a reason.

Oh. Oh his poor lilies.

Hopefully, this really was for a good reason. A very good one. One so good, that it would stop him from strangling his grandkid, hopefully...

************

When you came home, Damian was waiting for you at the front door. He had a bunch of lilies in his hands (that you were pretty sure were from Alfred’s precious garden) and he looked absolutely frantic.

He ran to you, almost threw the flowers in your arms, and yelled :

“I’M SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN IT !! YOU ARE MY REAL MOM ! I WAS JUST ANGRY ! I’M SORRY !!”

You were a little confused as to why he was yelling, but before you could continue he took a drawing out of his pocket and added :

“THIS IS A DRAWING OF YOU ! I MADE IT FOR YOU !! YOU ARE MY MOM ! YOU REALLY ARE ! PLEASE FORGIVE ME !! I’M SORRY !! DO NOT BE MAD AT ME !!”

Still confused as to why he was screaming, you bend down to look at him eye level, settled the flowers on the floor, and said :

“It’s ok Damian. It’s ok. We all get frustrated sometimes...I won’t lie and say it didn’t hurt, but it’s ok. It happens.”

Damian’s face showed great relief, and he leaped into your arms, yelling :

“I LOVE YOU !!”

You winced as he screamed in your ear, and said :

“Why are you yelling, little one ?”

Damian took a step back from you and said :

“BECAUSE I HAVE TROUBLE EXPRESSING MYSELF AND JASON TOLD ME THAT SAYING THINGS IN AN AGGRESSIVE WAY MIGHT HELP !! AND HE’S RIGHT !! I LOVE YOU !!”

Damian told you he loved you before, in certain moments. When he got really hurt, when you were really hurt, if he felt really sad...It was always a moment full of emotions. And it was still rather hard for him to say the words.

It didn’t really surprise you that Jason would have such a technique. Yelling his feelings. Yep. Sounds like him alright. And it did seem like it worked for his little brother too.

Only you and your close family would know, because you were the only ones to truly know him, but those two were more similar than others would think. And it wasn’t because they already killed before. Oh no. On the contrary.

“I love you too, my little one...”

You say, as he goes back for another hug, clearly relieved you’re not mad at him. From this day on, he swore to himself that he would really try to tell others’ what he truly felt, even if it meant yelling it at them. Because other wise...otherwise it’d create this sort of terrible situations, in which his mom thought he didn’t think of her as his mom !

He couldn’t have it, anymore. Many “I LOVE YOU !!” were heard in the Manor, from that point on.

DUKE

“You know you can tell me anything, right ?”

Duke doesn’t know why this time, this made him snap.

Today was the anniversary of when his parents got “jokerize”, it had been two years already...And not one step closer to cure them ! He was so frustrated, sad, and lost. And you noticed.

Duke tend to try to keep things inside. Not that he didn’t want to bother anyone, more like he just thought he HAD to handle things himself. Like it would make him stronger, and therefor, he could protect those he cares about.

He could protect them, unlike when he could do nothing but watch as his parents fell into madness...He couldn’t bear the thought of this happening to you, Bruce, or any member of this family ! Not again.

He couldn’t bear it...

“You’re not even my mom ! Stop acting like you are !”

Are the words he heard himself scream at you as you asked him if everything was ok, and if he needed to talk. As you were caring, once again, and he just couldn’t...he couldn’t stand it ! Not today.

Not today.

He immediately saw on your face the way you shut down, and took one step behind. The way your face “closed”, and as you said : “I understand.” and left the room, your body stiff and your face inexpressive (which was very unlike you), Duke felt it.

The guilt.

Right away.

When those dreaded words were said by all your other kids, they were young. They were all under the age of ten, and the immediate consequences of their actions didn’t truly registered.

But Duke.

Duke was almost eighteen. And he knew. He knew he hurt you.

He felt the need to run after you and apologized, but there was something stopping him.

After all, it was true right, you weren’t his mom ! His mom was still alive, and she could be cured one day ! HE ALREADY HAVE A MOM !

So what if you always cooked him his favorite meal, or knew exactly what his favorite food was ? So what if you would go out of your way to grab his favorite burger from his favorite joints when you knew he felt down ?

So what, if you were always there when he was sad ? Cheering him up with comfort food, kind words, and just your presence ?

So what if you knew exactly what would make him feel better, which movie to put on to put a smile on his face ?

So what, if you spend entire night right by his bedside when he got really hurt, or when he was sick ?

So what if you’d listen to him at any time of the day or night, and always took time to give him your thoughts on the matter, and truly, truly listen to what he was saying instead of waiting for your turn to speak ?

So what if you’d make him laugh, smile, feel loved, even as he felt so alone and isolated, especially after he discovered his powers ?

So what if you never made him feel like he was different because of it ?

So what if you opened your house’s door without a second thought for this unknown teenager who was also a meta ?!

So what...so what...so what if you obviously cared a lot, and if you...if you...

He already had a mom. And she might get better one day.

He couldn’t have two moms.

...

Right ?

What would happen when his parents would be cured ? Forget all his feelings for the Waynes ? So it’d be easier to pretend he wasn’t part of the family, right ?

It would be easier.

Yes.

But it was too late.

It was too late...

He ran after you. Caught up with you in the corridor. Tears in his eyes, he said :

“I’m sorry, please don’t go...”

And fell into your arms. Almost eighteen years old, yes, but still needed the support of a mother. Of his mother.

And you were there. You’d always be there, no matter what happened in the future. And he needed you, especially in that moment of frustration, where he really missed his parents, and was starting to lose hope to ever find a cure...

And you were there.

Who ever made a rule that you could have only one mom anyway, right ?

BRUCE

They did tell him “you’re not my dad !” too. And for him, it was as terrible as for you. If not worst, on certain aspect. Especially since he had a hard times truly expressing his feelings more often than not.

He knows how devastating it can feel. He knows it even more, because not only did he feel it as they told him “you’re not my dad !”, but he also felt it as he told Alfred “you’re not my dad !”. He knew the feelings from both sides.

It enhanced everything.

Of course, in general, Bruce always felt things more than anyone else around him. He was born like that. Hypersensitive. That’s why he worked so much on hiding his true feelings, and appearing detached and cold.

It’s much easier, than to always being overemotional. Of course, it didn’t mean he felt nothing. On the contrary, he felt everything. He was just better, nowadays, at pretending he was okay. At pretending he didn’t care.

Ah. But you existed.

You.

The only person that could always see through his bullshit, and know when he was lying and fake smiling.

Between the two of you, there has always been something. Even before you were together. It was an irrational and irresistible attraction.

An unbreakable bond. Always supporting each others.

You have no idea how you’d live without him. And he couldn’t even fathom a world without you. It’s a world he wouldn’t like very much...

Even during the worst times, and oh you went through a lot together, you knew at least...at least you’d have warm arms to fall asleep in. At least, you’d have each others.

Bruce had known pain so strong he sometimes wished death would just take him away. And then you came in. Ready to put up with his shit, and to not give up on him even when he gave you every reason to.

And oh, oh he gave you back everything times a thousand. You knew he’d never let you fall. Not alone.

Whenever something hurtful as your children telling you two you weren’t their real parents happened...It’s when you truly realized how vital you were to each others.

When you fell, Bruce was there to catch you.

When he fell, you were there to catch him.

Better to fall together, than to stand alone.

__________________________________________________

And here we are :). I hope you liked it ? Don’t hesitate to leave a little feedback and reblog if you want to ^^. I’m a little afraid I disappointed y’all for some reasons haha. I couldn’t explain. Self-confidence crisis hahaha. I finished writing that late, and exhausted after a hard week, maybe it plays into account ? Anyway, I really do hope you enjoyed your time reading this :). And thanks for reading, of course ^^.

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varpusvaras · 3 months ago

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Okay so, I have so much to say about this and I would need a thesis-long essay to say it all, so treat this as a part one, because one of your points alings with one of mine and I'm glad that you said it.

I don't really like Jason being depicted as massive either. The childhood malnutrition mention is a bit of a distant memory for me (as in I don't remember where exactly that statement comes from) but the point still stands, because it really does come off as adultification. I have seen a lot of people who do not like Jason at all discrediting every single reading of his character that comes with quote un quote softer values, because he is a big, white and agressive male. And I get the angle of not wanting to have those readings put onto yet another male character, but at the same time, it sometimes reads as minimasing him being a victim of serious abuse and violence as well when he belonged to a group of people that are, in real life, one of if not the most opressed class in the world (meaning children). Making him this hulking, oppressive figure reads strongly as making him look and feel the least amount of vulnerable.

And it just...as if it's not already bad enough that traumatised men are only ever allowed to show their emotions through anger, they, yet again, make a case of being a victim meaning that you will turn into an abuser yourself, on top of villanaising mental health issues. It just makes me feel kinda ill if I think about it too much.

(Maybe it hits too close to me. My baby brother is around the same age as Jason was when he died. One is a real person and one is not, but I can't help but think. What an injustice. What wouldn't I give for nothing bad to ever happen. What wouldn't I give.)

Also the depictions of Jason as Robin written after his death are honestly just baffling to me. Like am I supposed to read this as "see! this child was actually bad all along! be afraid!!"? Really? After reading all the other times he was written as Robin, and shown to be a kind, bright child who wants the world to be a better place? Really? Because for me this just reads as this child, who already has gone through a lot and carries so much within him, is being put into dangerous situations where he sees suffering again and again and again and is starting to feel like he's not enough. And perhaps Jason didn't need to be Robin. Perhaps he just needed to have a stable, loving home with a support system around him that he could trust. Instead what he got was Bruce and Bruce only. He didn't have any other family. He didn't have friends who understood his entire situation. He didn't have a team around him like Dick did. Jason's life was always one mistep away from falling apart all over again. And the thing that I am supposed to get from this is that these are signs of him being evil all along? No, I don't think so.

(Not that Jason not necessarily needing Robin makes him a worse Robin, just that perhaps teaching a child violence is not the correct way of having him deal with his emotions, and neither is then demonising him for said emotions and how he reacts to them later on)

(On the note of the height and size, my personal taste is that he is tall, a bit shorter than Bruce, and it takes a while for him to truly fill in to his body. Have him be a middle point between Dick and Bruce if you must. Boys to tend to grow a bit longer than girls, often only reaching their full height in their late teens/early twenties. He can still be growing, and I know that this is comic book logic, but it is quite absurd to have him be suddenly a goliath only a couple of years after the Pit.)

Winnick will come this close to writing a good, rightfullly angry character with BPD/CPTSD and ruin it by making him his conception of "a dangerous psychopath" because dc's understanding of mental illness begins and ends with the joker.

I like that Jason was angry i'm not gonna lie I enjoy the "bad victim who doesn't accept that they were a necessary sacrifice, who doesn't think what happened to them is something they should be expected to tolerate, like fuck your greater good, you weren't there, it isn't worth this." I think even looking at Jason's past before getting adopted he has reason to be angry, like he is poor af and starving and he had to take care of his mom and his dad is in jail because he couldn't see another way to provide and he gets trafficked -he has so many reasons to be angry. And he's not, and I love jaybin, but I think there are so many ways and things he can be angry about without it feeling classist. And I love that he can't emotionally regulate, that he has so clearly BPD/CPTSD because why the fuck would he not, have you seen his life (and that's not even counting the csa hc, which i am because willfully and consistently implying csa and then not addressing it/denying it feels like feeding into a culture of taboo that ruins lives and getting away with covert victim-blaming at the same time). The issue is that they lack finesse or any kind of understanding of anger. The think anger is a personality trait. They think angry = evil. They think being angry means you're violent at and about everything, that you shoot indiscriminately even though you've known better since you were a kid, that you're suddenly treating women like shit (which, wtf seriously) which okay maybe THEY treat women shitty for no reason when they're angry, but that'd be more of a them problem I'd say. Their portrayal of anger is classist because their conception of emotions hasn't evolved since fucking Descartes. Think anger = bad = poor and not only doesn't it occur to them that this is classist, they so instinctively assign moral value to the concepts of poor and angry that they don't realise it and just conceptualise poor=angry and end up with incredibly classist portrayals of anger. You can write characters that are mentally ill and violent without being ableist, you can write characters that are poor and angry without being classist, but that requires a level of respect for people, introspection, humility willingness to learn about the sensitive topics you are exploring that is simply not accessible to Winnick and so many other dc writers.

And here comes my very hot take that I'm too cowardly to say off anon: the pit shouldn't have healed Jason's malnutrition. Like, outside of canon I love big jay, I love big men who are emotionally vulnerable and need comfort etc. but in canon? It just comes off as another way to adultify Jason, and make the horrible things that happen to him acceptable. Jason "sleeping with Talia because he is fucked up about Bruce" because they both look like adults until you realise this is actually just rape and you can't put any responsibility of Talia taking advantage of the kid under her care (very ooc of course) on the child himself. Jason fighting Mia looking like a 40 years old beating up a teenage girl when they're the same damn age. Fucking Ethiopia 2.0. And Jason's murders as well, for the matter. Like don't get me wrong the duffle bag of doom is an iconic villain move, but it's just that: a massive shock effect and a "psychopathic" move. We shouldn't need Jason beheading anyone to be horrified, because just one murder, if written correctly, should be enough. A child killing someone is a terrible thing. A child being put in a position where they think killing someone is the only solution to ending suffering (thinking about the Garzonas case) is a terrible thing. A kid trying to kill his murderer (because fuck his death has to matter it has to) and only begging to be allowed it should be horrifying. Jason, with his unhealed malnutrition making him look a couple of years smaller and younger than his physical age, should look his mental age. It should be impossible to look away from the reality of what he is: a traumatized teenager who wasn't allowed to grow up. And he has a gun. This is already a horror story.

Make utrh!Jason a villain if you must, but have the guts to sit with it. Don't shove the fact that he was a hero and a victim under the rug because it's uncomfortable. Sit with the unease that sometimes someone is doing something bad and is suffering a lot, and maybe they're doing the bad thing because they don't know how to survive the suffering, and suddenly it's not easy separating hero from villain from victim. Your imaginary lines in the sand will not protect you from the crude reality of the complicated and shitty situations you have chosen to depict; you open the can of worms now you can't look away and let the worms roam free just because you're squeamish.

How does it feel to be psychic and be in my head and write part of my essay on Jason for me? Fuck, I have so much to say about this but I need a good night of sleep to formulate it correctly. Look for a longer answer tomorrow, but in the meantime, everyone sit down and look at this and look at it hard. Thank you.

#I don't usually bash fics but I do actually despise him being written as a giant at just 18 #because it is always used to make him seem worse as a person #anyway part one of my thoughts on this #remember that boys are kids and men are people and don't exist in the vacuum of inherent male violence #and it would do all of us good to remember to center the victim in the conversation about them #just as a practise for real life you know?#dc #Jason Todd #Jason Todd meta

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the-hopeless-haze · 3 years ago

Text

This City’s Always Breathing; I Wish That It Would Die (Justified Sin Chapter 4)

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

warnings: same as last time, domestic violence mentions and mentions of sex but nothing extremely explicit, also suicidal thoughts mentioned briefly. please do not read if any of this is a trigger.

Taglist: @pop-rocks-and-skittles @yesshewrites1 @deadflowerd @burninggracesandbridges @reggxe-a @ventila98

Seeing you decked out in black to match him was odd. You were always wearing vivid colored dresses and flats and cardigans to the point he truly didn’t think you owned any neutrals. Still, there you were, in a sleek black outfit, jacket, leggings, sneakers.

“I’m sorry about the other night,” you said.

“What other night?” he quipped.

“Asshole,” you muttered.

“Mm.”

“Okay. I’m ready, I guess.”

“Okay. First, hit me. I want to show you how to block.”

You hesitated at first, then your hand nearly came to his cheek, but he stuck his forearms out in front of his face before your hand touched his skin.

“I think I know how to block hits.”

“You’ve still gotten hit, though.”

“Are you saying it’s my fault?” you asked, suspicion in your eyes.

“No. Absolutely not. Just… I just want to help you get better."

“Yeah,” you rolled your eyes. “Sometimes I think whatever is going to happen to me is what I deserve.”

“No one deserves that,” he said quickly.

“Then why is it what I’m receiving?”

He was silent for a few moments, maybe a little too long, until you said, “Exactly. You don’t know.”

He sighed. He knew. You were stuck in a situation you only got into because you wanted to please your father, and now you were tied to this man for any sense of financial security until your restaurant accrued enough money that you could leave. But even then... were you really free?

“You don’t deserve it,” he said again.

“Mm.” Everything was so tense when he had the mask on and he wondered if it was because you still felt awkward for having kissed him or if the mask did just make you uncomfortable.

“So your approach to run first is good. You never want to fight him if you can just get out. But if he’s coming at you with a knife, go for his throat,” he said, coming over to you, trying so hard to be gentle, gentle, gentle… his elbow grazing the base of your throat. “Like that. But harder."

“Okay. What if he’s got my arms above my head? Kick him in the dick?”

“Exactly, actually,” he said, thankful you said it so he didn’t have to demonstrate.

“What’s next? You gonna tell me that I should kick the knife far away once he lets go? I know this shit. It’s common sense.”

“Then practice,” he said, pretending to come at you. It felt so wrong, trying to hurt someone innocent, even if it was pretending. Your elbow hit his throat, and he stepped back.

And you were good at this, maybe because you spent three years of your life defending yourself from getting hurt. You were fast when you needed to be fast. You blocked when you needed to block. It made him wonder vaguely if you would be able to do something like he did. You wouldn’t want to, that’s clear, but if you did… what a sidekick you would be. Or partner, rather, you would be equals. You’d give sass to police and criminals alike, maybe flirt to get the information you wanted… you’d be good in a high-speed chase, too.

But he wouldn’t dare ask you. This wasn’t a life he would sell to anyone. And you? You were fighting enough battles at home.

But he could see you in a suit. Maybe in another life, if he met you where you weren’t in the terrible abuse situation at home, you would work with him to fight the corruption and crime that threatened this city’s honor. Maybe it would be Batman you got to know first, maybe he would struggle to let you know Bruce…

What was he thinking? He was always solitary, working best when there was no one to bother him and nobody to get in his way. Gordon and Alfred were good allies, but he made the decisions at the end of the day. They didn’t have the same stake in the same issues that he did.

But since he’s known you… he didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t believe he had to be, anymore, either.

You told him you needed to take a break, and you grabbed your water bottle, sitting over on the ledge.

“You ever think about jumping?” you asked him.

“No,” he said, a little taken aback by the question. “Do you?”

“Not right now. Not from here. But at other times, yes,” you said, and he wasn’t sure if he was more unnerved by your words or the lack of emotion in them. You sounded like you were just talking about the weather. “Are you talking to somebody? A professional?"

“Yeah. It’s been helping. I mean, she prescribed me a ton of meds and I’ve been stable for a good few months. Opening the restaurant helped, too. I’ve been around people a lot more and that helps. I just… sometimes I don’t see a point.”

“There’s a point,” he said firmly.

“What is it, then?”

“To keep fighting.”

“Mm. Sometimes I get tired,” you said, shrugging. “Sit, Batty, I don’t bite. I won’t stick my tongue down your throat today either. Unless you want that.”

He sighed, sitting down next to you, trying to ignore how much he did want that.

“What’s up with this persona shit anyway? Why the secrecy? Is who you really are so bad that you don’t want people to know?”

“People fear the unknown,” he said.

“So you want to be feared? I thought you were out here helping people, solving crimes and shit. Why would you want people to be afraid of you?”

“I want criminals to be afraid of me.”

“Well, the whole city is a little wary, including my husband,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

You scoffed. “I think maybe you should’ve just gone to therapy, Batty. You could’ve had your nights and worked a normal job and had a wife and kids. What the hell made you decide to be Detective Jesus of Gotham?”

Bruce rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh.

“Mm. You’re not spilling?”

“No.”

“You’re just no fun, Batty.”

“So sorry to disappoint.”

“What do you think I’m gonna do? Rat you out?”

“No.”

“Then why won’t you fucking tell me?” you asked, getting a little annoyed.

“I don’t tell anybody,” he said stiffly.

“Right. No one knows who you are? I find that hard to believe.”

He sighed. “It’s for your own safety.”

“Mm. Sure.”

There was a silence between the two of you now, and it was a little too strained to be considered comfortable.

But then he asked, “Do you feel like I’m not doing enough?”

“What do you mean?” you asked, turning to look at him.

“You said I should have gone to therapy like all this is just a pipe dream.”

“Listen. This city sucks. My husband’s probably going to win the election next week so that tells you all you need to know about how much this city blows. We don’t even want to save ourselves.”

“So that means we should do nothing?” he asked, a little annoyed himself. Your cynicism was starting to get to him. He wished your pain drove you like his did. You were content to just survive. He wanted to change. But maybe you had so much pain in your heart that you were beyond the capacity to believe anything could ever change. Could he really blame you for having lost hope?

Could he do that for you? Be your hope?

“I didn’t say that, did I? Don’t get your panties in a twist, Batty. I mean, of course we should try, but no one can save this city overnight. You just started out, what, a couple of years ago? I’m sure you’ve saved people. I’m sure you do a better job than the police a lot of the time. I can’t even tell you the number of times the police have come to my house and done shit. He just smiles and waves them off and sometimes they even donate to his campaign. Unbelievable. But you pulled me over… and… you actually did something…”

“But is it enough?”

“Only time will tell, right, Batty? You definitely have the intention to help, which is half the battle. But wanting isn’t doing.”

“Then let me do something. I’m begging you to let me take him in. You have more than enough evidence.”

“Well, I’m begging you to stop fucking asking me that. You do that, it’s gonna feel like you did something more than sending me back to that house with him there, but trust me, it’s only going to make things worse.”

“Take these, then,” he said, giving you a pair of lenses.

“What the hell is this?” you asked, opening the container. “I think I can see just fine.”

“No. They allow me to see what you see. So if you’re ever in a situation you can’t get out of…”

You scoffed, smirking. “Yeah. You’ll fly to my rescue?”

“Something like that.”

“So if I put them in right now, you can see?”

“No. I need to be… in a certain location. But I’ll get an alert when you put them in,” he said. He’d had Alfred work for hours on those to make sure the alert hooked up to a pad in his suit that would vibrate when you put them in and he dealt with Alfred shaking his head and giving lectures for even longer.

“Yeah. Okay. Sure. You’re gonna stop whatever you’re doing and come save me?”

“Yeah.”

“Right,” you said sarcastically. “Well, it’s been fun and all… but I’ve got to go open the diner.”

“Right.”

The next time he saw you, you had more bruises. More pain in your eyes. He was doing nothing meaningful and it was eating at him.

Still, he ran through it with you, teaching you more ways to block and more ways to get out from underneath. It was better to at least feel like he was doing something. But like you said. Wanting was not doing.

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” you asked, sipping at your water.

“Why are you asking me that?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t really know you,” he lied.

“I cheated on him before,” you admitted. “And I… I think that’s why he’s like that.”

“Did he hit you before you cheated?”

“I mean, yes, but… it got worse.”

“A man who hits a woman is always a piece of shit. No question,” he said, his voice a low growl.

“But if I didn’t cheat…”

“He would’ve escalated regardless. You did nothing wrong,” he said firmly.

“So you don’t think cheating is wrong?” you asked quietly, looking over at him.

“It depends.”

“Either it’s wrong or it’s not.”

“In your case, I feel like it’s justified,” he said. Who was anyone to judge you for looking for love outside of your loveless marriage?

“Then why did you say we couldn’t?”

“I told you. I don’t date.”

“I don’t want it to mean anything. Really. I just want someone to touch me and not be scared they’re going to hurt me.”

“I don’t hook up, either,” he sighed. It hurt in a way he couldn’t really comprehend, how you wanted him but you didn’t want him. Maybe he should be happy that a woman like you wanted him at all but this didn’t feel right, to let you fall in love with a man whose face you couldn’t see. Or even to let you fuck a man you couldn’t see.

He didn’t want that, anyway. He wanted you, all of you.

You shook your head. “It’s… this is selfish, but I’m not afraid he’ll hurt you like he might hurt somebody else. I know you could handle yourself if we got caught.”

“We’re not doing anything, though,” he said, feeling the twinge of pain.

You turned your head, sitting down on the ledge. “I… it’s also because I really like somebody right now and I’m scared if we get involved Dave will really hurt him. Kill him, even. God, I feel so fucking stupid. I shouldn’t even be thinking about this, but I… you take the comforts you can get. I really, really like him, like… stupid-like him, and if he got hurt I don’t know what I would do.”

Wait… were you talking about him? Bruce?

You continued to talk. “I just… I just thought maybe if we could… sleep together one night, it’d take the edge off, you know? I mean; maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad if I got this out of my system.”

“I think maybe you need to spend the night with him, instead,” he said, trying to be as gentle in his delivery as he could be.

“I told you. I couldn’t live with myself if he got hurt,” you said, biting your lip. “And I have. You know. Not like… we didn’t have sex, but he stayed with me before I fell asleep… and… I just feel worse. He doesn’t deserve to deal with any of this shit.”

Fuck. You were talking about him. You liked him! You wanted him! But you were scared for him. That was an odd feeling, to have somebody worry about his safety. It felt good, even if it felt unnecessary. Sometimes he just wanted to be soft, willowy, gentle. Cared about and for. Even if he was more self-sufficient than you realized, it felt good.

“It sounds like you need to talk to him,” he said, trying to still the quiver in his voice.

“Yeah,” you sighed. “You must think I’m fucking insane. I don’t even know you and I’m telling you my whole fucking life story.”

“I get the feeling you don’t get to be open with a lot of people.”

Bruce was always easy to talk to even if he didn’t talk much himself. Even in high school, he lent an ear to anyone who needed to get something off their chest. Admittedly, it was because he was an outcast, someone who wasn’t going to start rumors and tell secrets just for the fuck of it. Christ, he used to be a fucking weirdo, he thought, always wearing dark clothes and makeup and listening to depressing music to the point Alfred almost did send him to therapy.

Well, what was so different now? Did he ever grow up? Does anyone ever really grow out of their teenage self?

He wondered what you were like, then, in your teens. You were prom-queen beautiful, but you did have an edge to you that made him think maybe you didn’t fit in despite having the looks. You mentioned your mother died, but he didn’t know how old you were. Losing a parent isolates you regardless of what age you lose them at.

“You’re not open with anybody, either,” you retorted. “Is that why you don’t date? Because you’re not really Batman?”

“Yeah.”

“Then tell me who you are.”

God, you were irritatingly persistent. But this was the one thing he couldn’t grant you. “No.”

“Fine. I’m being pushy. I’ll drop it. I’m sorry,” you said.

True to your word, you never asked again.

——

Bruce found himself in the election booth voting for the underdog, more progressive candidate, Alison Rodriguez. She was young, didn’t have a lot of political experience, and was advocating for radical change.

She wasn’t going to win.

There was a bitter taste in his mouth as he left the booth, a little anger in the fact that he knew the majority of the citizens in his city would rather be complacent than give up a few their privileges to help the less fortunate out. But Dave promised tax breaks for the rich and promised to keep LGBT education out of schools. It made Bruce’s stomach turn at how that was the reality his citizens wanted to live in.

Were you right? Was this city beyond saving?

That being said, Dave was promoting free childcare for working parents, which was something he’d yet to see a conservative run on. It would be a great thing if he made it happen. Made sense, what with family values, and it was almost refreshing to see a conservative run on a policy that would actually help that. it made him wonder why you two didn’t have a family, though. He was beyond thankful for it, of course, no child deserved to grow up in a home where they were exposed to domestic violence and you didn’t need the added stress of raising a child.

Still. It would make sense for Dave to want a child. Were you infertile? Was he? Did you both not want children?

Bruce had complicated feelings about children himself. He didn’t really know if he would be a good dad. What were you even supposed to say to a child? Did you just talk to them like they were little adults?

Growing up an orphan made him want to take all the children in he could. Bruce was lucky to have Alfred. Most other orphans in Gotham weren’t so blessed. Bruce knew he had so much love to give even if he wasn’t sure how to deliver it, so much love that he wasn’t able to give his parents when he was younger. And if nothing else, his children would live comfortably; he had the money to assure that. Maybe it was selfish at this point that he wasn’t taking anybody in.

But sometimes he thought about having children of his own, too. There was something about watching a woman’s stomach get swollen that made him awestruck.

What was the point of parenthood if you didn’t have someone else to share it with, though?

You would be a great mom. Oddly enough, he could tell this from the way you treated your staff. They all loved you, had a much more positive attitude than most waitstaff he’d seen, and he’d heard through the grapevine you paid them handsomely, a good percentage over minimum wage. You were generous, giving, but practical. Loving, in the way you touched people, him, his face, his hands, his heart.

He wouldn’t see you today, maybe not for a few days if your husband won. You would be expected to be seen, not heard, but seen at these events, looking pretty next to Dave as he thanked Gotham for letting him live out his dream.

And that was what happened.

Dave Matteson won the mayoral election in a landslide.

“Bad news for Gotham,” Alfred said, looking at him. “Good news for her, though. At least for a little while. He’ll be in a good mood.”

“Right,” he said, shaking his head, and pulling his blanket tighter around his shoulders. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“It’ll give you a job, though. Crime rates are going to go up. He’s not going to decriminalize anything and he’s increasing police forces. The gangs are going to go wild.”

“Mm. How lovely,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Mm. She’s pretty,” Alfred said, nodding to the screen where you were wearing your practiced smile, sitting behind Dave as he gave his speech.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “She’s beautiful.”

“What’s the situation?”

He looked at Alfred suspiciously. “Do you really want to know?”

“Yes.”

“Nothing. I haven’t seen her in a few days. She’s been with Dave for this bullshit,” he said, gesturing to the screen, deciding to leave out that he knew his feelings were reciprocated. In all honesty, he felt guilty for finding out that way, even if it made him feel much better about his growing infatuation with you. You liked him. You wanted him.

You were scared for him.

“So… nothing?”

“I just… I really, really like her, Alfred.”

“Yes. I can tell. You’re always drawing her, writing in your journals…”

“Did you read them?” he questioned anxiously. He didn’t even want you to read what he wrote. They were sappy, awful love poems he was slightly ashamed of, about the way your hair shined in the sun or your eyes sparkled when you laughed or his chest would tighten when you cried.

“No, of course not. I think I might have to bleach my eyes if I did,” Alfred said, smiling and raising an eyebrow.

“It’s not like that,” he scoffed. “I don’t just want to sleep with her.”

“But you do.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, blushing a little. Butler turned father figure, Alfred had to give him “the talk” when he was in middle school and Bruce wanted to dissolve through the floor out of sheer embarrassment. Now wasn’t really any different, come to think of it.

“This isn’t your smartest move.”

“I don’t care. I… I love her,” he said wistfully.

“Bruce, you’ve known her for… six months,” Alfred pointed out.

“So?” he snapped.

“Just be careful, then. She has a lot more at stake than you, and you’ve got a lot yourself.”

“I’m always careful.”

“When you’re not in love.”

Bruce was about to say something else, but Alfred walked away and he didn’t have the energy to follow him. But it was true. Love made him tipsy, made him blind, made him fumble in the dark looking only for you. Made him slip, fall, brace himself. Made his chest hurt and his blood race and his eyes widen. Made him awake but somnolent. Made his hands clench into fists - I could beat this man to a pulp for you and you’d never hurt again and he’d be dead, dead, dead, he’d be rotting in the bottom of a river, fish food, dick cut off and head bashed in - made him dream about murder in a way that made him feel less than human. It made him dream about sex in a way that made him feel more than human, made him imagine your dress unbuttoned, your chest heaving, your hands gripping, his hands tracing lines, his fingers pumping, spit in his teeth, his tongue licking your honey, your bodies intertwined and together and one. Made him dream of your breathlessly whispered declarations of love after he got you over the edge. Made him desire to be sweaty, wet, sticky, stuck to your skin. Made him want to run away, even, abandon his dreams of saving this godforsaken city and running states away, keeping you safe. Made him want a wedding, a court document, something saying on paper he was yours instead of just the ache in his heart telling him that.

You made him feel this, all this, the pain and the lust and the infatuation and the fear and the anger and the rage and the desire.

Love.

Such a simple word for something that caused him to be so desperate.

NEXT CHAPTER

#bruce wayne x reader #batman x reader #bruce wayne x you #batman x you #the batman #the batman 2022

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butwhyduh · 4 years ago

Text

Dead Clown 🤡

Jason todd x reader

Warning: smut, murder but it’s okay.

Jason pulled his helmet off and ignored the rain that poured down his face. He had to see this without a filter. He even considered taking off the domino mask but he was out in the open. The pouring freezing rain had him shivering but Jason was unaware. He literally couldn’t believe the sight before him.

The joker was laying in his back, the pasty skin on his forehead was marred by 2 small holes. The back of his stupid green hair looked almost black when mixed with blood. Blood and water mixed in a pink puddle around his head. Jason forced himself to check for a pulse before hitting his comms.

“Bats, you need to get down here,” he said in a shocked voice. “The joker is dead.”

“..... are you okay,” Bruce said in a measured voice.

“I’m fine. He was dead when I got here,” Jason added knowing he was number one suspect.

“On the way.”

Batman and Red Robin showed up shortly with Robin not far behind. It didn’t take long for the detectives to believe Jason’s innocence. The evidence didn’t match him.

Jason sat on a piece of concrete near the scene as they worked. He had hoped to see this for years now. But it wasn’t the same. Maybe it was because Jason didn’t get his revenge or because it looked too neat. Two quick shots to the brain. Probably didn’t even see it coming before he was lights out.

Bruce walked over to him as the other two took photos and bagged evidence. A little blood here. Some fabric fibers there. No fingerprints because of the heavy rain but a bullet casing.

“Did you see who shot him?”

“No B. I literally got here and he was already out. He was supposed to have a drug drop but I guess that didn’t happen,” Jason said with a shrug.

“You were going to fight him alone,”Bruce said with a raised brow.

“No. Just reconnaissance. I would have called it in,” Jason defended himself. Bruce gave him a side look before moving on to the case.

“Commissioner Gordon is on the way,” Tim said. He held bags of evidence carefully in his lanky fingers. “We’re finish collecting-“

“Can we go home, father? It’s freezing cold,” Damian interrupted. Bruce sighed before looking at him.

“Red Robin was talking but yes, you both should back to the cave to process everything. Red Hood, you too. The commissioner knows you have a history with the joker so it’s best you leave too. I’ll take care of this,” Bruce said carefully. Any wrong word might set Jason off with his trauma over the death of his murderer.

“Uh yeah, sure man,” Jason said clearly distracted. He would usually argue with everything Bruce said and this made Bruce even more worried for the young man. He sent a quick message to Dick before the commission met got there.

——————————

“We’re running the tests right now and there really isn’t much else to do. Robin already went to bed. Go home Hood and get some sleep,” Tim said by the computers. Jason hadn’t bothered to get out of his suit or shower.

“How long? How long until you get results?”

“Oh, uhhh maybe 12 hours? A while. Sorry DNA testing isn’t like in the movies. The meta or clone tests are even longer. It probably won’t be until tomorrow night that we know anything,” Tim said turning in his chair. “Get some sleep.”

Jason considered giving him a nasty comment but held it. He certainly felt dead on his feet and had a nice warm woman waiting at home for him.

“Call when you know anything,” he said with a growl.

“Yeesh, yeah. I will,” Tim said backing away. “Say it. Don’t spray it,” he muttered as Jason walked away.

———————————

Jason trudged into the apartment leaving wet clothing in his wake until he stumbled to bed in nothing but his boxer briefs. You were going to be mad at him for the mess in the morning but that could wait. He looked at you asleep on the bed. You looked so sweet and innocent. Like an angel compared to his dirty hands that practically dripped blood every night.

He slid under the blanket and pressed close to your warm form. You gasped awake before relaxing when you realized it was just Jason. Did you not realize he could kill you 84 different ways in your sleep? It didn’t really matter as you snuggled your head into the crook of his neck and slid your legs to entangle with his. Jason’s arms automatically wrapped around you and rubbed your back until your breathing was even in sleep. He stared at the ceiling until the hint of dusk could be seen outside.

Jason woke with a gasp followed by a moan as he felt perfect wet heat encompass his dick. He looked down to see the blankets move rhythmically as you slid your mouth along his dick. He blinked himself more awake to truly enjoy it.

It wasn’t the first time you had woken him as such but it was certainly a rare occurrence. Reserved for birthdays and Christmas, he couldn’t imagine what he did to deserve such a wonderful wake up.

“Fuck! Princess,” he groaned as you swirled before taking him deep. You hummed questionably.

“What did I, mmmm, do to deserve such a fuck! Perfect mouth. Perfect wake up,” he said pushing covers down to show you between his legs. You looked up at him with big innocent eyes as you licked long hot strips up his cock. You took him deep in your mouth before sliding off with a pop.

“I can’t spoil you?” You purred and he twitched. How did he get so lucky? “Do you want to finish in my mouth or can I ride you first?” You asked and he god honest choked on his spit.

“Baby, *cough* whatever you want, what. Ever. you want,” he said and you grinned before climbing up his body to straddle him. His hands ran along the side of your body before gripping your hips. You sunk down on him with a little mewl.

“Fuck Princess, you’re so wet. Do you like... do you like sucking my cock?” He asked breathlessly.

“Of course, Jaybird. Sometimes I touch myself when I blow you, like today,” you admitted with a sweet little giggle. He almost came right them. How could you say the dirtiest things while being the sweetest person he’d ever known?

Jason reached his thumb down to rub your clit as you moved. You whined before nodding at him. Your mouth fell open and your hips sped up. He knew that you weren’t going to last long. You really did get hot and bothered blowing him. You made little whined and whimpers before moaning his name loudly as you came. Your body clenching on him was enough and he thrust up into you as he came as well. You bent down and kissed him deeply. Jason was panting by the time you pulled back.

“Loved that for sure, but what the hell was that, Princess,” Jason asked breathlessly as you climbed off and threw on some clothing. You chuckled a little before tossing him his boxers.

“Just wanted to wake you up this morning. Do you want some pancakes, Jay,” you asked. He sat up and pulled them on.

“You certainly did. And I never say no to food. Especially my favorite food,” Jason said with a grin. “Is it secretly my birthday? Am I dying and you’re prepping me beforehand?”

You laughed. “You already did that, baby.”

Jason gasped a little before laughing.

“I just wanted to treat you like you deserve. Pick a movie. There’s a new slasher out that you can tear apart,” you said walking in the kitchen and grinned at Jason’s heart eye look he gave you.

He looked through the movies without paying them much mind. He’d seen the joker dead the day before and now his girlfriend was spoiling him. He didn’t know what to think about. He’d think about the joker finally being dead. He couldn’t hurt Jason or those near him any more. You’d been kidnapped 6 months earlier and it had almost ripped Jason apart when he found you bloody and beaten. Luckily alive though.

Then he thought about how sweet you were. A perfect angel who had nothing to do with that life. You couldn’t kill someone if you tried. He just wanted to keep you in an innocent bubble, especially after being kidnapped.

“Jay? Jason?” You said near him and he jumped. He had been so lost in thought that he didn’t notice you coming over to him with a plate of food. Heart shaped pancakes covered in whipped cream stared up at him and Jason had a little grin on his face.

“Sorry, thanks. This looks good,” he said and you grinned before sitting with your own. Jason turned on a movie and sat next to you to eat.

Jason’s phone rang.

He gave you an apologetic look before answering.

“Yeah,” he answered before quickly standing up to talk in another room. Definitely bat business, it sounded like. He came back in a few minutes putting on his suit. He bent and shoved most of a pancake in his mouth. Jason pulled you to your feet and swirled you around before holding you by the waist. You giggled.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“I’ve got to work. But when I get back, I’m making up for this morning, okay? Breakfast was amazing,” he said before pulling you into a dizzying kiss. You nodded before he left.

——————————

Jason arrived at the cave and realized something was instantly wrong. Tim, Dick, Damian, Bruce, and even Alfred were waiting for him around the computers. He slowly walked up. They didn’t think he did it, did they? Jason looked around in case of a fight.

“I have some bad news,” Dick said. Jason just stared at him. Dick sighed. “We know who killed the joker. You won’t like it. You- you might want to sit down.”

Jason frowned at his tone. It was the tone you used when telling a kid their parents died. He looked at the computer to see surveillance footage of the roof where he found the joker. He clenched his fist as the mad man walked in the screen.

“You know, this is the worst meeting place in the world,” joker said with a laugh. Jason’s eyebrows rose. He hasn’t expected audio. “So what do you have that I might want on the birds?”

A female voice off camera could be heard saying, “peace of mind.”

“Doubt you could give me that Princess,” he said in a mocking tone. His posture was casual even though the lower half of a woman’s body had walked into the screen and she held a gun in hand pointed at him. She froze at his words.

Jason couldn’t look away if he wanted to.

“Yeah, I know,” joker said. “I forget faces. Too many changing and quite a few people are a little two faced,” he said with a laugh. “But I never forget a voice. You sounded so much more sweet when you were crying tied to a chair. And the way you sobbed when I brought out the crowbar.... music to my ears. I bet it just reminded you of a certain bird that just didn’t quite make it the first time.”

“Shut up. I- I don’t care,” she said. Jason’s heart was in his throat. He knew exactly who that was before Tim’s DNA tests were complete. She moved around a little nervously.

“Honey, Princess,” he said drawn out in a mock of Jason’s voice. “Unless you plan on using that gun, put it down and we can play a game. You like games? You play one with the red bat all the time. Does he know? Does he know that you’ve been hunting me for.... geez, since you were kidnapped I’d bet.”

“Now drop that gun and I show you what pain really feels like,” he growled and she shot him in the forehead before he moved. He made a disconnected sound before falling to his knee, perfect height to be seen in the camera. She shot him again between the eyes and he fell back silently. His body splashed on the rainy roof before blood began to pool behind his head. The woman looked for a second, her body language painfully stiff, before running out the way she came.

The cave was silent as Jason realized what he just saw. He blinked a few times before clearing his throat. Has she- did she-??

“I assume the DNA matches?” He asked and Tim nodded before sliding him a paper copy. 98% match. Only chance it wasn’t you was an evil twin or clone but no, he noticed the clothing and mannerisms. It was you.

“Are you going to bring her in?” Bruce asked quietly and Jason gaped.

“I sure as shit ain’t. She killed the man who kidnapped her and abused her. That sounds like self defense to me,” he defended. Dick looked at him in pity and Jason quickly looked away.

“It was premeditated, Jason,” Bruce reminded him.

“I know. I’ll take care of it. She’s not going to prison. I’ll talk to her,” he said. Bruce gave him a hard look. “You come near her- I swear to god, Bruce. I’ll shoot you myself.”

Jason got up to leave. Dick moved out of his way. He wasn’t getting in this.

“Jason,” Bruce said but Jason was already gone.

——————————

Jason was a pretty smart guy but he was completely shocked at this moment. What possessed you to kill the joker? To seek him out? A man that tried to kill you and you were willing to meet him alone? Not even Jason wanted to do that. And that morning you were treating Jason special. He thought for a second that you killed the joker for him. It chilled him to the bone but he put that thought out of his head. No, you had your own reasons to do it.

Jason walked in the apartment cautiously. Who knows how you would be acting, the perfect girlfriend or finally breaking down when you realized you killed a man. He found you in the bedroom asleep. You didn’t look like you had just killed someone and for a second Jason had doubt but the video and DNA didn’t lie.

He crawled in bed with you. You pulled him close and laid your head on his chest and Jason’s heart hurt. You looked fine but killing people left scars and your first time killing someone was not something you forget.

You woke with a gasp and cry hours later. You trembled and grasped at Jason tightly. He woke up confused before pulling you closer.

“Hey, Princess, I’m right here. You’re okay,” he said rubbing your back and holding you close. “What’s going on?”

“I see him. When I sleep. Every time,” you breathed almost in tears. Jason kissed your cheek and he felt wetness on your skin. You had been crying. He didn’t want to ask but now was as good a time as any.

“Princess, what did you do last night?” Jason asked so quietly. You looked up at him quickly and it confirmed everything he needed to know.

“Nothing. I was here. All night. Wh-why?” You asked, lying terribly. Jason sighed. He closed his eyes before willing himself to speak.

“You know I’m a detective. I can tell that you’re lying,” Jason started gently.

“What does that mean,” you said a little too quickly. Your breathing started to speed up again and Jason hated the look of fear on your face.

“I’m not mad. I won’t turn you in. Just tell me what happened,” he said softly, watching you intently. You wanted to shrink away a little.

“I can’t,” you whispered. Your eyes started to water and you blinked them away.

“Did you do it? Did you kill him? I can help you,” Jason said and you froze. “Talk to me.”

“I-I did,” you said looking at him in terror. Your eyes were red rimmed. “I did.”

“I’m sorry,” he said pulling you tight to his body. You broke down in little sobs and clung to him. “I’m so sorry that you thought you had to. I should have. I’m sorry.” He wrapped you up and made little shhh noises and you cried until you fell back asleep.

You woke up later with a pounding headache wrapped up tightly against Jason. He was on his phone but sat it down when he saw you were up.

“Hey,You don’t have to worry about it. I’ve taken care of everything,” he said ever so gently. You nodded.

“What does that mean?” You asked slowly.

“Red Hood took the wrap on it. No great loss with one less psycho in Gotham. Harley Quinn had an impromptu parade with hyenas and jugglers and everything. Nightwing made an appearance. Dick said Barbie slept through the night for the first time in months and she said she’d help you with anything you need,” Jason said trying to be positive. You gave him a dry smile.

“That’s nice. What about- what about Batman?” You asked.

“He’s Batman. But he’ll get over it. And the next time you kill a murderous clown, let me help. He could have killed you. And if anyone knows how to hide a body, it’s me,” Jason said giving you a squeezing hug. You smiled despite yourself.

“I’ll remember that. I’m a little sad I missed the hyena parade,” you admitted.

“Oh she’s having a parade every day this week. An anonymous donor gave her a ton of fireworks. Fairly certain it was Tim,” Jason said.

#Jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #Jason todd smut #red hood smut #batboy smut #the joker needs to die okay #and I’ll do it myself

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