#okay I'll go and study Jesus Christ

[fazcinatingblog]

Dunno what's next for me, probably a book deal to release my own cookbook and maybe a TV series and

[fetusgooseandjuice]

Promise

Pairing(s): Knight!Natasha Romanoff x Princess!Reader

Summary: The first time you patch up an injured Natasha.

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Descriptions of wounds | Terribly written medical talk | Mentions of violence and knives

Authors Note: This is another mini-oneshot to my fic “Soulmates”. I’d recommend reading that one before this for context to be able to grasp the storyline!

Mini-oneshots: Forever

(Takes place around 17 years old)

You entered the castle with your mother at your side. You had just finished sitting in on a meeting that your parents had attended with some of neighboring kingdoms.

With you finally becoming of age to understand at least the majority of what they were discussing, your mother and father wanted you to get some first hand experience at helping to make important decisions.

As you talked you rounded the corner to the hallway that held the library where you'd planned to get in some studying, but the words coming out of your mother's mouth had faded to the back of your mind once you saw Yelena rushing towards you.

She looked frantic, but you noticed how she toned it down to a more presentable manner after laying eyes on the Queen beside you.

Your eyebrows furrowed seeing her approach you as though she were on a mission, and your mother had now stopped talking realizing that you were no longer paying attention.

"Hey, Yelena. Is everything okay?" you greeted the blonde.

Yelena looked between the two of you before answering, "Yeah. Yeah, I just needed you for...something...real quick."

Your mother cleared her throat to get your attention, "I'm going to go find your father. Don't forget to look over the information from today, okay honey?"

"Of course." you nodded your head in understanding, "I'll see you later." you said before she excused herself.

You turned back to the blonde with a now more concerned look, "What's going on? What's wrong?" you asked.

She almost struggled to find an answer before responding, "I think it's better for you to just see for yourself..." Yelena trailed off as she grabbed your wrist into her hand and led you through the hallways.

The two of you ended up in front of your bedroom door which confused you even more as she pulled you inside and quickly shut the door behind you, but your heart dropped at the sight in front of you when you turned around.

Natasha was sat on your bed looking as if she'd just been in a fight.

A bad one at that.

Her face was scuffed with dirt, her knuckles were bloodied and bruised, but that wasn't even the worst of it. The worst part was the area on her shoulder that her hand was clutching to stop it from bleeding, but you could see it clearly wasn't doing a very good job.

"I tried to take her to the infirmary, but she wouldn't go. She told me to bring her to you, but one of the maids said that you weren't here so I had to go find you." Yelena explained.

"Oh my god, Nat. What happened?" you asked as you rushed to your girlfriend’s side.

Your eyes zeroed in on the open wound on her shoulder. Her breath hitched when you moved her hand out of the way to get a better look. You muttered an apology before putting her hand back and quickly grabbing a hand towel from your closet.

"You should see the other guys." the redhead chuckled but her smile was replaced with a wince when you moved her hand again to use the towel to apply pressure instead.

Natasha knew you didn't find her joke very funny based on the glare you sent her way.

"She got into a fight with some thieves down at the docks. I told her it wasn't a good idea, but she wouldn't listen and now here we are." Yelena said.

This time it was Natasha's turn to glare at her sister for ratting her out, but Yelena didn't pay any mind to the look she was given.

"Jesus christ," you mumbled. "And you decided you wanted to bleed out on my bed right now instead of in the infirmary with a doctor because?"

The redhead winced again when you shifted to be able to inspect the rest of her body for any other injuries, "I thought you would be able to treat it. Didn't your parents make you take first aid lessons from the doctor a few years ago? You know, for your studies?"

"Yes, but the doctor at the infirmary is a professional." you counteracted. "They would do a much better job than I would at making sure this doesn't get infected."

"Please, Y/n." Natasha said, "I could get in so much trouble if my commander found out I was getting into fights before I even finished my training."

You sighed as you thought for a moment. She's obviously set on not going to the doctor, and you have to do something soon to stop it from getting worse so you really had no choice.

As you stood up from the bed the knights eyes followed you, "Take your top off and keep putting pressure on this." you told her before making your way to your bathroom.

Yelena took this as her cue to leave, "I'm gonna go now. I'll come back to check on you in a bit." she said and Natasha nodded, watching her slip through the door and shut it behind her.

After a little struggle the redhead managed to eventually pull her shirt over her head, leaving her in a tank top.

When you returned a moment later you had a clean towel and a first aid kit in hand. You sat back down next to her and removed the dirty towel to begin cleaning her wound.

It wasn’t as bad as it had looked before when you finally got the bleeding to stop. Either way seeing her like this scared you more than you’d let on.

You worked in silence for a while. The only sounds filling the room being the occasional winces and grunts from Natasha when the pain hurts a little more. Each time you mumbled a quick "sorry" before continuing.

"Are you mad at me?" Natasha spoke into the quiet air.

You didn't answer right away which just worried her even more, but when you did it wasn't the answer she was expecting.

"No," you responded, "I'm not mad at you. You just scared me, I mean what were you even thinking?"

“I don’t know,” the redhead said, “I don’t even know if I was thinking. I just…reacted.”

Natasha watched your concentrated face. Sometimes she couldn't help but just stare at it. At this point she had every detail of it memorized like the back of her hand. Which wasn't very helpful when she was currently being scolded by you.

"Did you even have any of your equipment when you decided to pick a fight with them?" you asked.

The young knight shook her head, "No, but I couldn't just watch it happen. There were four of them and one of them had a knife. I had to do something or else people might’ve gotten hurt.”

“People did get hurt, Natasha. You got hurt.”

Natasha hung her head in defeat at your words. “I know.” she said. “I know and I’m sorry for putting you through this. You shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of my actions. It’s not fair to you.”

You sighed and put down the supplies you were using so you could finally look at her. She held a guilty expression and it made you feel bad for getting upset with her. Your hand came up to her face in an attempt to wipe away some of the dirt with your thumb and fix her messy hair.

“Nat, I get that you just wanted to do the right thing. That’s one of the things I love most about you.” you spoke softly and she gave you a small smile, “I just worry so much. This could’ve been so much worse than some bruises and a knife wound.”

“I got lucky, I know.” she admitted. “Yelena was right I should’ve listened to her and it was stupid of me not to.”

Your gaze went back and forth between both of her eyes. You could’ve gotten lost in her vibrant green orbs if you didn’t still have to finish patching her up before someone came looking for you.

“Just promise me that you’ll be more careful going forward. I don’t want this to ever happen again because I love you too much to be able to handle it if it did.”

Natasha quickly nodded her head, “I promise, and I love you too.”

You leaned in to connect your lips in a soft kiss, needing a reminder that she was here with you and safe.

The redhead obviously didn’t want you to pull away with the way she chased after your lips when you pulled back. You had to press your hand against her chest in order to keep a distance between the two of you.

“As much as I would love to keep going, I think you might need a few stitches to help that shoulder heal.” you said.

Natasha just groaned. She wasn’t even sure if the dissatisfaction she felt was because she had to go through the pain of getting stitches, or because you broke the kiss. The redhead came to the conclusion that it was because of both.

The noise made you giggle and you began sifting through the first aid kit for a needle and some thread. “I’ve only ever practiced this using fruits, so bear with me. I still think you should’ve gone to the doctor instead.”

She just shrugged her uninjured shoulder, “Why would I when I have my own personal nurse right here. And she’s cute too.” Natasha smirked.

You playfully rolled your eyes at that last comment, “Don’t get too ahead of yourself there. I still have to take a look at those knuckles and clean your face up.”

“What? I thought you liked my face.” she pouted.

“You know I do, but I don’t like the fact that it looks as if someone just dragged you through the dirt.”

Natasha scoffed, “For the record, I won, of course. They were after that bakery you love by the boats. The owner said that my next order would be on the house as a thanks for my help, so I think you should be thanking me.” she spoke proudly.

You just stared at your girlfriend in disbelief. As much as you didn’t understand how she was able to laugh and joke about the situation, you appreciated it because it took your mind off of the bad thoughts that clouded your mind.

It reminded you that your Natasha was still there and you couldn’t be more grateful for her.

“Instead of thinking about that you should be figuring out how you’re going to hide this from your parents when they come back from their trip.”

~ end ~

[superhaught]

Sweetest Girl (Chapter Two)

Pairing: Regina George x Reader

Warning(s): discussion of disability

Word Count: 2200, Part 2/?

Author's Note: I was able to finish chapter 2! I'm sorry for the massive delay since positing any writing, it's been a time recently. I'll keep doing my best but pls don't hold it against me if I don't post for a while again. I still care about Regina so so much. Thank you to bestie @sapphicantics for helping me go back to this and reading it first :P

Summary: Reader goes over to Regina's house to work on some more chemistry lessons.

Part 1

Friday’s chemistry lecture was cut off by the dismissal bell and the teacher frustratingly called out as students were already busting through the door, “quiz on Monday! Don’t forget and study hard this weekend!” 

You were packing up your notes when five perfectly manicured fingernails rapped on the corner of your desk. 

You looked up and met the blonde's eyes. 

“So quiz on Monday, can I get some extra tutoring this weekend?” 

You nodded slowly, “do you want me to come to your place?” 

“I do.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t want -“ 

“I already told you, yes. Stop being so weird about it. Tomorrow. Come over around lunchtime. My mom will feed us then we can work.” 

You bit your lip and then nodded again, “okay.” 

Regina gave you her version of a smile and then flicked her hair behind her shoulder as she left the classroom. 

You saw that the teacher had been watching your exchange.

“It’s working,” they said, “whatever you’re doing. Her homework was better.” 

“You definitely can’t tell me that.” 

“Just keep it up. She’ll be okay.” 

You smiled and nodded, hugging your books to your chest and leaving the classroom. 

After a twenty-five minute walk, you were standing at the end of the driveway to the George residence. 

You looked up at the massive house in awe. It was clearly a new build. Likely custom-designed by the Georges. Two stories. Huge yard. You imagined an underground pool and a deck with a built-in, year round jacuzzi in the back. A movie theater and second kitchen in the basement. A yoga room with a Peleton for Ms. George. Master bath with a soaking tub. 

You were afraid to go in. 

You stood outside and stared for a minute longer before finally walking up the driveway (not made of asphalt or cement, but pristine white rocks). You walked past Regina’s Jeep, a Mercedes, and an Audi all parked (as well as a children’s Barbie Jeep abandoned in the lawn, belonging to Regina’s younger sister you assumed). 

You giggled at that. You imagined Regina either beaming with pride or fuming with rage at the idea of her little sister wanting a matching car to Regina. 

Taking a deep breath, you knocked on the front door and waited for a moment, hearing a faint “get the door!” from inside.

Regina opened the door, “hey, did you find parking on the street?” 

“Oh, I didn’t drive.”

“Someone dropped you off then? Do you have a ride home after?” 

You shook your head, “I walked.” 

“What the fuck?” 

A woman called out from inside the house, “Regina! Language!” 

Regina clenched her jaw and inhaled slowly through her nose, flaring her nostrils. 

“It’s not a big deal,” you responded quietly. 

Regina rolled her eyes, “I’ll drive you home when we’re done, Jesus Christ.” 

“You really don’t have to drive me home, it’s okay.” 

“Shut up, it’s literally nothing. Now come inside you weirdo.” 

You followed Regina in, and the interior of the house was even more grand than the exterior. 

You didn’t have much time to take it all in before Regina’s mom was pouncing on you and pulling you into a hug then holding your shoulders and examining you head to toe, “well aren’t you a cute little thing!? I love meeting Regina’s new friends.” 

“She’s my tutor mom.” 

“Cute and smart, then! Well I hope the two of you become friends, Regina needs good influences in her life.” 

“Mom.” 

Ms. George raised her hands in mock-surrender, “Sorry! I’m just trying to be helpful, my goodness.” 

You tried to force a smile and fidgeted with the zipper of your jacket awkwardly. 

“Did you make us snacks?” 

“Oh yes!” Ms. George trotted back into the kitchen and came back with a tray stacked with a variety of finger foods and fruity little drinks complete with excessive garnishes. She passed the tray to you, “here you ladies go. Study hard!” 

“Thanks,” Regina didn’t wait around any longer before starting up the staircase to the second floor and expecting you to follow behind.

“Um, it was nice meeting you!” You directed to Ms. George, “you have a beautiful home.” 

“Thank you sweetie-“ 

“Hurry up.” Regina cut her mom off while standing at the top of the steps with a hand on her hip.

You rushed up the rest of the steps and followed Regina into her room. She immediately went to her floor-length mirror and adjusted her hair while you set the tray of snacks down on her vanity. 

“Not there,” Regina snapped, as if it was obvious.

“Where then?” 

Regina pointed lazily toward the ottoman at the foot of her bed and you obeyed, setting the tray down and then helping yourself to a handful of homemade trail mix. 

Regina came over and sat down on her bed and grabbed a single celery stick to eat. 

You must have made a face that Regina noticed because she raised an eyebrow at you, “what?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Why are you making that face?” 

“Oh, nothing, I just don’t like celery.” 

“You don’t have to eat it.” 

“I know, Regina.” You could feel yourself shrinking as your shoulders slumped. 

“It’s like negative calories so.”

“Well, actually…” 

Regina narrowed her eyes at you.

“Nevermind. So, do you want to work on material for the quiz?” 

Regina threw herself backwards and collapsed into her duvet in exasperation, “ugggghhhh!” 

“That’s why you wanted me to come over, right?” 

“Well duh… I’m just tired.” 

“I’m sorry.”

Regina propped herself up on her elbows and looked at you, “for what?” 

“That you’re tired?” 

She scoffed, “you don’t need to be sorry about that. See? You’re too nice.” 

You shrugged, “I guess it’s just something people say.” 

“Oh? So you agree, then? That niceness is a facade that people use to disguise their true feelings?” 

You shook your head, incredulous, “I didn’t say that.”

“Are you really, actually sorry that I’m tired or are you just saying it, then?“ 

You took a beat to think and then answered emphatically, “I am actually sorry. It’s called empathy. I feel bad that you feel rundown, and if you aren’t up for studying today, I would understand.” 

She raised an eyebrow again in her classic fashion, “I guess I just really don’t understand that. Why would you feel bad that I’m tired? And why wouldn’t you be upset if I wasn’t in the mood to study after you put in the effort to walk all the way here?” 

“I don’t know why, that’s just how I feel. What should I say instead? I don’t care that you’re tired, suck it up I’m here to make you better at chemistry?” 

“Maybe you should,” Regina shrugged. 

You shook your head, “I don’t want to say that. That’s not helpful to anyone. Are you going to retain any of the content we go over if I push you to do it when you don’t feel good?” 

“How do you know I’m not lying or just complaining for the sake of it? Maybe I need to be pushed.”

“Fine, give me a reason then. Why are you tired?” 

Regina thought about it for a minute, then her voice came out surprisingly quiet, “you know the accident from last year? The bus thing?” 

You nodded. 

She sighed, “It’s been a long recovery. I don’t usually talk about it with anyone.” 

“You don’t have to talk about it with me if you don’t feel comfortable, but… I am here if you did want to. Talk about it, I mean.” 

Regina didn’t say anything. She started to pick at the skin around her fingernails. 

You recognized the behavior right away because you do it too. Without thinking, you moved to sit across from her on the bed and reached out, clasping your hand around hers. 

The blonde stared at you shocked. 

“Shit, I… I’m sor-“ you began, starting to pull away. 

She didn’t let you go, “It’s okay. Don’t apologize.” 

The gesture must have cracked her armor, if only a little. She shrugged her shoulders and explained, “the accident injured my neck and back so I’m doing physical therapy twice a week for that and I’ve been diagnosed with something called POTS. So my heart is all fucked up or something. I'm exhausted and in pain most of the time even though I'm taking like six different meds every day.” 

“That sounds really hard.”

“But I feel like…” her voice failed her. She frowned, cleared her throat, and started again, “I feel like I shouldn’t complain about it… wouldn’t be cute to bitch about it when everyone…” she lowered her head and stared at her comforter, “when everyone thinks I probably deserved it.” 

You frowned and squeezed her hand, “do you think you deserved to get hit by a bus?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe. It feels that way sometimes. Like I was supposed to learn some kind of lesson from it. Like I was supposed to suddenly be a better person and be grateful and be an inspiration or whatever. But that’s like some biblical bullshit. And I’m not a better person. I'm still just me but now my body doesn’t work and people don’t even bother pretending to like me anymore.” The dam had burst. The corners of her eyes started to sting with painful tears. “I’m not grateful. I don’t think what happened to me was an inspiration or whatever. I just wish I wasn’t sick and I wish that people didn’t expect anything from me.” With that, she retracted her hands from you, quickly wiped her face with her sleeves and she continued to look anywhere but right at you.

“Regina, thank you for sharing that with me. I want to help you as much as I can.”

“Why, though?”

“Because I want to.”

Regina met your eyes again, scrutinizing you. Trying to find deception that wasn’t there. 

When she finally gave up she just said, “I don’t understand you.”

You laughed, “I’ve gathered that.”

She smiled and then rolled her eyes.

“Hey, do me a favor, okay? Go change into something comfy and then lets just watch something for a bit. Whatever you want. We can recharge a little and then see about studying, and if it doesn’t happen, it’s okay.”

“Are you being serious?”

“Yes.”

Regina breathed a sigh of relief and then visibly relaxed before getting up and walking to her large closet. She came back out a few minutes later, having changed into baggy sweats. She wordlessly sat down at her vanity, tied her hair up in a loose bun, cleaned her makeup off and then replaced her contact lenses with glasses. 

You smiled to yourself while watching her. She caught you looking over in the mirror and you quickly looked away before seeing her reaction if any. 

When she came back to the bed, laptop in hand, she said, “I’d usually never let anyone see me like this.”

“Well, then I consider myself lucky. Unless you don’t plan on letting me leave here alive now that I’ve seen you ‘like this,’” putting air quotes around your words.

“Cheeky…” Regina smirked and sat back down on the bed next to you, constructing a pile of pillows against the headboard to lean on, “you wouldn’t know until it was too late, though.”

You smiled as she continued.

“I guess I just don’t really care right now.”

“Well, I’m glad that you feel at ease with me. Not that you’re any less pretty than before.”

“You liar!”

“What? I’m not lying!”

“I’m not pretty right now. I’m all puffy and my hair is gross and I have my stupid glasses on and I’m wearing my mom’s old college sweatshirt.”

You shrugged, “you are pretty, Regina. You have freckles, I didn’t know that. And your hair looks cute like this, the little strands framing your face… I don’t know, you look pretty to me.”

Regina narrowed her eyes at you and then shook her head, “okay, whatever. Let’s just… watch something now.” She redirected her attention to opening up streaming on her laptop, “have you ever seen Real Housewives?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Oh my god. Okay I’m catching up on New Jersey right now, I’ll try to fill you in.”

You smiled and nodded. 

She started the show and slid a little closer to you so that she could rest the laptop on both of your laps. 

You ended up watching the show all evening, only interrupted by Ms. George bringing some dinner upstairs for you both along with Regina’s meds.

“Sweetheart, you look… comfortable.” Ms. George remarked, her tone unmistakably judgemental. 

The corners of Regina’s mouth downturned just slightly.

“Yeah you know we just decided to have a relaxing night. No need to be all done up.” You smiled, “thank you so much for bringing us food, Ms. George.” 

The woman was thrown off and you felt victorious.

“Oh, of course. I’ll… go get you girls some popcorn.” Ms. Geroge left and shut the door behind her. 

Regina released a breath she was holding and whispered, “thank you.”

“For what?”

“For… for what you just did.”

You shrugged and took a bite of food, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Regina’s eyebrows raised and then she just laughed in disbelief before turning the show back on and saying, “you continue to surprise me…”

Next Chapter

[danieyells]

@mayoigotokurousagi TIME FOR OUR FAVORITE FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER INSPIRED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I mean. Maybe there's another you're into. Idk. I like Jiro. He's so. . .blunt. I'm so curious about him, I really really cannot wait until we get the Mortkranken chapter.

also, uh, brief content warning for a mention of assisted suicide? It's under the 'Default' lines, if you feel the need to avoid that.

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"Oh, there you are. I was about to go give you a health check. This saves time and effort." ああ、そこにいたんですか。今からあなたの健診に行こうと思ってたんです。手間が省けました

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"Are those letters piling up over there? It's interesting that doesn't bother you.  Not that my opinion is relevant." そこに溜まってるのは手紙ですか？よく気になりませんね。 まあ、俺には関係ありませんけど

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"I don't like unproductive discussions. Like this one." 非生産的な議論は嫌いですね。例えば、今のような会話です

"They said they wanted to die, so I prescribed them what they needed. I don't see the point of discussing ethics after the fact." あちらさんが死にたいと言うので、必要な薬を処方したまでです。今更倫理を持ち出されても、困りますよ

Hey. Buddy. Jiro. That's fuckin' dark dude. This is why you don't joke about wanting to kill yourself. Someone will take it seriously. Jiro will just hand you cyanide pills, a bottle of water, and direct you to a hospital bed to die in. Like jesus christ.

"I save lives that can be saved. It's part of my job to decide the order of priority though." 救える命は救いますよ。まあ、そこに優先順位をつけるのがこちらの仕事なので

"part of my job is to decide if your life is worth saving" IS ALSO A VERY DARK THING TO SAY. I love that his default lines are all very dark and callous. It kind of drives home a dichotomy between how he feels about just anybody and how he feels about you. I also like that he's just. . .kind of dark and gloomy and like ASPECTS OF HIM ARE VERY UNPALATABLE. Like I'm sure there are a lot of people who see those lines and think "that's gross why would anyone like him he's the worst" and THAT'S A GOOD KIND OF CHARACTER TO HAVE ESPECIALLY AS A LOVE INTEREST okay moving on

"One of our patients is thrashing around again? That's inconvenient. I'll administer a shot." また患者が暴れてるんですか？ ���あ……面倒くさいですね。１本打っておきますよ

jiro stabbing you with a sedative filled needle like 'stop moving. you are annoying.'

"You should—  Hurk... Hm, I let my guard down. I better go back to Mo— Orgh... Hurk...!" あなた、そろそろ…… うっ……まずいな、完全に油断してました。早く帰っえ、うっ……おえっ……

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"Good morning. I'm going to take your pulse, so could you sit down?" おはようございます。脈拍測るんで、座ってもらえます？

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I was in a prolonged coma, so I haven't fully recovered yet. It's been a long time since I ate anything." 俺、長いこと昏睡状態だったんで、まだ本調子じゃないんですよ。飯なんて、しばらく食ってませんし

i wonder when he woke up. it must have been a few months ago at most.

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"What do you want? I'm conducting an incubation experiment. Please wait till I'm finished." なんですか？　今、培養実験中なので。話なら後にしてください

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"I'm about to receive my medication. It should take approximately one hour. Are you going to wait for me?" ああ、今から投薬の時間なんです。多分１時間くらいかかると思いますけど、待ちますか？

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"I attend classes every day since Yuri does, but sometimes they mark me as absent. I'm supposed to reply when they say my name? I didn't know that." 佑理に付き合って毎日授業に出てるんですけど、時々欠席扱いになってて。 返事が必要？　知らなかったな

"yeah you're supposed to let them know you're there." "i am one of the largest people in the room at any given time. that seems unnecessary." also it's cute that he only goes to class because Yuri does, but also he doesn't learn anything from it since he studied it all independently lol

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"The blood? I believe one of the wounds on my stomach tore. I'll have to get Yuri to suture it." ああ、この血ですか？　さっきから腹の傷が開いてるみたいなんです。佑理に縫ってもらわないとな

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"What's the purpose of educational facilities like this? You can learn everything you need through self-study." こういった教育施設って、なんのためにあるんでしょうね？　勉強なら自分ですればいいだけですし

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Who is that noisy blond person? He runs away whenever he sees me. That's rude, isn't it?" 時々見かける、うるさい黄色の人は何者なんです？　 俺の顔を見るといつも逃げるんです。失礼ですよね？

i love the 'isn't it?' like he doesn't know normal social convention but he's pretty sure you're not supposed to run from people like that.

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"You don't have to mind me. Go ahead and eat. Even in childhood I never really had an attachment to food, clothing, or shelter." 俺のことは気にせず、飯食ってください。元々、ガキの頃から衣食住にあまり執着がないので

hey jiro that's uh that's kinda fucking depressing you good?

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Yuri's holed up in the lab, so I'm going out. If he comes looking for me, tell him I went to bed." 佑理が研究室に籠ってるので、今のうちに出かけてきます。もし俺を探してたら、寝たと言ってください

Wouldn't Yuri just check your bed and not find you there though??? Also when will you sleep???? like i know he doesn't realize a week of allnighters isn't normal but jfc

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"Your face looks terrible. Come over here and inhale this. They're mild smelling salts. They'll wake you up." あなた、ひどい顔ですね。ちょっとこっち来て、これ嗅いでください。 軽い気付け薬です。目が覚めますよ

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Hello. I'm here to pick up Yuri.  Hm, that's strange. I thought he would be here." こんにちは。佑理を迎えに来ました。 ……あれ？ここにいると思ったんですけど

. . .i wonder why he thought yuri would be with you? how often does he lose track of where yuri is? and why pick him up wouldn't yuri be able to get home himself? unless he figures yuri fell asleep somewhere lmao

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"I can just manage to ingest water, so I brew herbal tea as an indulgence. Would you like some too?" 辛うじて水分なら取れるので、嗜好品としてハーブティーを淹れるんですよ。あなたも飲みます？

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"Yuri wouldn't get up, so I was about to give up on getting my morning medication. He got up after the ninth time he used the snooze button though." 佑理がなかなか起きないので、朝は投薬を諦めようかと思いましたよ。９回目のスヌーズで起きましたけど

Yuri and Jiro, like Rui and Haru, need healthy sleep schedules please.

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"What's this? A rice ball? I suppose I might be able to eat some of it." なんですか？　これ。 おにぎり？　まあ、少しくらいなら食べれるかもしれませんが……

can't you only eat fluids. . .are you gonna throw that up later. . . .

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"You already had tea at Frostheim? The tea I make tastes better though, so please drink it anyway." フロストハイ��で紅茶を飲んできたんですか？　 まあ、俺の方が美味く淹れられますから、飲んでください

lmao the mortkranken boys really do not appear to have a great opinion of frostheimers!!! "you had tea at--pfffff nah their tea sucks ass drink mine instead."

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"I enjoy being alone. The noise doesn't really bother me when I'm reading though. Can I go now?" ひとりの時間は好きですよ。まあ、本を読んでいる時は、周囲の喧噪も気になりません。もういいですか？

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"What am I doing? I'm making confections. I'm used to making precise measurements when preparing medications, and it's quite similar to that." 今ですか？　製菓をしてるんです。 計量は薬の調合で慣れてるので、まあ、似たようなものです

jiro makes cupcakes and candies and stuff. . .he can't even enjoy them though. . . . .

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"See you tomorrow. ...What? You're the one who told me I should say that while smiling." また明日。 ……なんですか？こう言って笑えばいいと、あなたが言ってたんじゃないですか

i love lines where it's like 'you told me to do this so now i'm doing it.' especially when the pc is shocked when they actually do it lolol

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"We're doing a complete check up today, so please change into these. ... Do you need me to help you undress?" 今日は精密検査なので、この検査着に着替えてください。 ………… 脱げないなら、脱がしましょうか？

strip faster bitch

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"You want to know why I started studying anomalous infectious diseases? I don't know. I just became knowledgeable about them at some point and kept going." なぜ怪異伝染病の研究を始めたか？さあ、気がついたら詳しくなってたので。何となく続けてるだけです

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"My wounds often tear so I've told Yuri deep dermal suturing would be more effective than simple interrupted, but he won't listen to me." よく傷口が開くんで、結節縫合ではなく真皮縫合の方がいいと言ってるのに、佑理が聞かないんですよね

I get the feeling Yuri doesn't listen to most people. . . .

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Yuri's combat skills are poor, so I have to protect him. If he dies, there won't be anyone left who can treat me." 佑理は戦闘が下手なので、俺が守るしかないんです。あの人が死ぬと、俺を治せる人がいなくなるんですよ

"if he dies i die so i'm just kinda protecting him because i have to." kind of an oof lmao

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"It's been a long time since I had a family, so I don't know what you're supposed to do in these situations. Could you teach me?" 俺には長いこと家族がいないので、こういう時、どうすればいいかわからないんです。教えてくれません？

GET FAM-ZONED HAHA aaaaAAAAAA HE SEES YOU AS FAMILY AND HE WANTS TO TREAT YOU THE WAY HE'S SUPPOSED TO TREAT FAMILY. . . . . . ;0; just be yourself jiro we love you as you are, dark and morbid and a little distant but actually quite sweet--

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"There's a high probability that your curse is related to my field of research. It's a problem for me if you die." あなたの呪いは、俺の研究分野に関係している可能性が高い。 あなたを死なせるわけにはいかないんですよ

the bluntness and distance in this one is so perfect for Jiro haha ESPECIALLY AFTER THE "I WANT TO TREAT YOU LIKE FAMILY" ONE BEFORE IT. . .he went from being kind of sweet to being like "if you die it'll be a problem." and not even in a tsundere way just 'it matters to me if you die for academic purposes.

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"I'm going to see some flowers on Yuri's orders. Do you want to come? I'll be harvesting mandrakes." 今から佑理の指示で花を見に行くんです。あなたも一緒に行きますか？ マンドラゴラの採取ですが

"Yuri told me to take a break so I'm gonna go work near some flowers i guess."

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Cases of the infectious disease gastroenteritis explode at this time of year. It's boring prescribing the same thing all the time." この時期は感染症の胃腸炎が爆発的に増えるんですよ。次から次へと、同じ処方ばかりで飽きました

attention darkwick students: please catch more interesting illnesses. thank you -jiro

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Ha ha ha ha! I observed Yuri fighting the urge to fall asleep during class today. Would you like to see the photos?" はははは！ 今日は授業中、ずっと眠気と戦っている佑理を観察してたんですよ。この写真、見ますか？

i really wish it were during the hours this one can play because i wanna record it lolol Jiro smiling and laughing because Yuri's trying not to fall asleep is so precious. Tiny little humanization for our monster boy.

(between 8pm and 5am)

"There are rumors that pollen contains ephedrine, a central nervous system stimulant. They're false, though." 桜の花粉に、興奮を誘発するエフェドリンが含まれるという噂があるそうですね。 まあ、それデマですけど

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"Good, today's temperature matches the forecast. I'll be starting a new experiment this afternoon, but the temperature regulation is difficult. It should be fun." 今日の気温は……予報通りですね。 午後から新しい実験の着手をするのに、温度管理が大変で。楽しみです

temperature regulation experiments are fun! i'm glad Jiro enjoys what he does.

(between 11am and 4pm)

���あ、また手足口病の患者でした。本来子供に多い感染症なんですが、免疫がない人は可哀想ですね "It was another case of hand-foot-and-mouth disease. It's an infectious disease usually more common in children. People without immunity are unfortunate."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"A dare? Okay, I'll do it with you. I've always wanted to try screaming in fear." へえ、肝試しですか。 いいですよ、付き合います。恐怖で叫ぶ経験を、一度くらいしてみたいので

"a dare" isn't really a good translation here--肝試し is a "test of courage", an activity usually done on summer evenings where you go someplace scary with your friends to overcome fear together! Or something like that. It's most often done in summer because that's when it's believed there are more like. . .supernatural occurrences? several other characters' summer lines mention more anomalies in Japan in the summer as a result of these beliefs. Either way it's cute that he's like 'oh. that sounds cool. i hope it'll make me experience fear.' I want him to scream in an exaggerated way, just SHRIEKING for the sake of it, not even because he's really that scared just "this feels like the appropriate situation for screaming :)" lmao

(between 8pm and 5am)

"Ha ha ha ha! Oh, sorry. I tried letting the stag beetles I caught for an experiment fight, and it was funnier than I expected." はははは！　ああ、すいません。 採取の時に捕まえたカブトムシ同士を戦わせたら、想像以上に面白くて

i feel like that's something that comes up now and then as like. a thing young japanese boys do. which makes jiro kind of childish in a way which is super charming? it sounds to me like he didn't have much of a childhood. so i'm happy he can explore it now and have fun.

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"I don't understand why you would go somewhere without a purpose. Why would you go to a mountain if you didn't need to harvest something?" 行楽ですか？　いえ、単純に何が目的か理解できないんです。採取もせず、山を歩くんですか？

mods, show him the beauty of nature.

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I went to the botanical garden to get some ingredients and I was given these yams. Do you like candied yams?" さっき植物園に原料をもらいに行ったらサツマイモをもらったんです。スイートポテトは好きですか？

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"A lot of people in Mortkranken dislike exercise.The sporting clubs in Darkwick must be made up of people from other houses." うちの寮は、体を動かすことが嫌いな人が多いですね。学内でスポーツをしてるのも、他寮の人ですよね？

i am once again asking why i was put in fuckin frostheim--

(between 8pm and 5am)

"I read books every day, not just in the fall. I like medical journals best. I don't remember what made me start reading them." 秋に限らず、本は毎日読みますよ。特に医学の専門書は好きですね。 いつからなのかは……忘れました

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"Hurk...! Phew... I'm fine... The change in temperature between indoors and outdoors this time of year causes my physical condition to deteriorate more frequently." うっ……はあ……大丈夫です……この季節は室内外の寒暖差のせいで体調を崩しやすいので……

i remember someone i followed also gags when going from a cold place to a warm one lmao. . . .

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I found an anomalous plant that can only grow in extremely low temperatures and successfully created a medication with it. It was just a coincidence though." 極低温のみ自生する怪異植物を見つけたので���試しに原薬にしてみたら上手くいきました。まあ、偶然です

'i made a medical breakthrough but it was just an accident' is the medical equivalent of 'i'm not a model'. also Yuri has a line referencing this one!

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Streptococcal infections are on the rise. They're spread through droplet and contact infection. Have you been taking precautions?" 溶連菌の感染が増えてますね。飛沫感染と接触感染が経路になります。 あなた、ちゃんと予防してます？

jiro says WEAR YOUR FUCKIN' MASK.

(between 8pm and 5am)

"There are no merits to lowering your body temperature when you're not experiencing inflammation. I made some herbal tea that warms the body. Do you want some?" 炎症時以外、体を冷やすメリットはないですからね。体を温めるハーブティーを淹れたので、いかがです？

His birthday: (October 13th)

"Whose birthday? Oh, mine? I forgot. Did Yuri leak my medical records?" 誕生日？　誰のです？ ああ、俺のですか、忘れてました。カルテ、佑理が漏らしたんですか？

"did yuri fuckin dox me--"

Your birthday:

"Oh, it's your birthday today, isn't it? What should I do? I suppose I'll go to your room later." ああ、あなた今日、誕生日じゃないですか。何をすればいいんですか？ まあ、後でそちらの部屋に行きます

jiro no you don't have to do that you are moving so fast WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING FAMILY WAIT--

New Years: (January 1st)

"Happy New Year. Why are you looking at me like that? Even I celebrate New Years." 明けましておめでとうございます。 なんですか？　その顔。正月くらい俺だって祝いますけど

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"What's this packet? I can't eat solids. You made it? Oh. I can probably eat some of it then." なんですか？　この包み。俺、固形物は食べれませんけど…… なんだ。あなたの手作りなら少しはいけます

bby if you can't eat it don't make yourself sick with it. . . . Actually since the PC feeding him let him eat food, maybe if it's something the PC makes he can eat it???

White Day: (March 14th)

"Here. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, something handmade for something handmade. Eat it here and tell me what you think." どうぞ。目には目を、歯には歯を、手作りには手作りをと思いまして。ここで食べて評価を教えてください

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"Yuri's kicking up a fuss and saying I deceived him? I don't remember doing it. It doesn't matter though." 佑理が、俺に騙されたって騒いでるんですか？　そんなことしましたっけ。 まあ、どっちでもいいですけど

i wonder if he actually pulled a prank and he's just hiding it really well. . .or if Yuri is just paranoid lol Yuri's for the record:

"Hmph, did you honestly think you could fool me? I won't fall for your cheap tricks. I've already been fooled by Jiro seven times today!" ふんッ。貴様も僕を騙すつもりで？その手には乗りません。今日はすでに、次郎くんに７回騙されたのでね

Halloween: (October 31st)

"I don't know much about Halloween. I can't eat candy though, so I have to play a trick on you, right?" ハロウィン？　よく知りませんが、俺、お菓子は食べれないので。 あなたに悪戯すればいいんですよね

Christmas: (December 25th)

"This tree? It's a fir tree. Yuri told me to get one, so I cut it down and carried it back here. My special artifact doesn't cut very well." この木ですか？　佑理に言われて、モミの木を切って持ってきました。俺の特質怪具、切れ味が悪いんです

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"Are you dead? Oh, you're alive." ……死んでます？　ああ、なんだ。生きてたんですね

jiro poking you with a stick like 'you dead?'

(13 affinity and above)

"Oh, Yuri's calling me. It'll be annoying if I pick up, so I'll just ignore it until you're ready to go again." ……ああ、佑理から連絡です。出ると面倒なので、あなたが動けるようになるまで、無視しておきます

'yuri is the only reason i'm alive but he's gonna yell at me so i'll just wait to pick up the phone' why??? i guess he wants to go back with you if yuri's telling him to come home lol ALSO DON'T YOU THINK IGNORING YOUR PHONE RINGING WILL WORRY YURI. . . .

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"You've skipped too many appointments. It's been a long time since your last check up...  I suppose I'll have to re-examine you." あなた、受診サボりすぎです。前回からかなり間が空いてるな…… まあ、今から再検査すればいいです

time to fill out your whole chart again! examination from top to bottom!

THERE WE GO. sorry that one took so long!! He's actually a bit of a goof but his no-affinity lines make him come off as extra cold and cruel. He just has to get used to you!! But I think it has a very charming contrast. AFTER THIS IS JIN! Tomorrow night maybe? it's almost midnight and i have to wake up early again and my insomnia kicked my ass last night. . . .

[prettyinpwn]

How Gravity Falls Could Have Been Better + Poor Ford and Wendy (GF Writing Analysis Pt. 2)

GF Writing Analysis Series: Pt. 1 - Ford Pines: A Masterclass in Writing a Good Flawed Character Praise the Axolotl, I feel horrible just writing that title. But let me preface this post with three statements:

I've been in this fandom since the first episode aired. I participated in this fandom while it was airing, and I will always cherish this fandom, those memories, and Gravity Falls itself even when I'm a crusty old lady in a rocking chair someday.

Gravity Falls is still my favorite show of all time, even as someone now nearing thirty years old. Nothing's ever topped it since in my mind, and I don't think anything ever will for me.

Writing and making a show is hard. It's easy for me to sit here and smash my little lady hands on a keyboard and criticize the Gravity Falls writing team's decisions. I'm sure if I'd been on that team, I'd have done a lot worse under that burnout and pressure, and I doubt I'll ever write anything anywhere near that critically acclaimed or beloved.

But... every time I've watched Gravity Falls from beginning to end, I've always felt that there was something off. And in recent rewatches, after I'd studied creative writing in college as a part of my minor, plus just having studied and done a lot of writing in my free time for years... I found out finally what it was:

The flaw, in my opinion, is the pacing. Gravity Falls is - and I mean this in the most respectful way to the writers, and I'm saying this as someone who will praise this show to my grave - poorly paced overall.

So what do I mean by that? Each contained episode is tightly written and nearly flawless in the pacing, but the overarching plot? I'll describe it like this: Picture a rollercoaster starting on a very, very slow incline. The scenery on the way up is gorgeous and entertaining to look at, but damn, you want to get to that peak that was teased in the advertisement of the ride. That first tease is what keeps you going on the slow incline. You know you're going to get there, but...

Okay, we're focused on getting accustomed to the seat, the people around us, how this rollercoaster feels, but... you check your watch. Are we there yet? What about that peak that was advertised? No, it's still a glacial incline. You inch upwards. It's godawful slow. You wait - and for those of us who watched when it aired during the hiatuses (which were more Disney's fault than the core team's, to my understanding) - it takes months to years.

Jesus Christ, you think. What about that tease? I want to know what's at that peak! Yes, I get tension and slow buildup, but this is taking FOREVER, and there have been no glimpses of the peak for eons. And then... suddenly, it gets more intriguing. There's a little bump. And another. And finally... there's another hint of the peak that you saw teased all the way back in the Stone Age.

Now, the ride consistently offers you little fun hills after that long, slow first incline. But seconds later BOOM! You skyrocket to that peak so fast your facial skin is flapping behind you. WOO! This is a blast! But holy hell, this is going a little fast compared to what it was like before. The last third of this ride must be MINDBLOWING, with lots of loops and spins and turns and even greater thrills, right?

And then the ride just drops almost face first to a plateau again. There are no more bumps, really. No loops. No twists. Just an almost straight, logical line back to Earth. Half the ride was pretty and made you laugh a lot despite how long it took, but the other half of the ride went so fast in comparison that it was just a blur. You're at the finish line now. Yes, it concluded like it was supposed to, but... is that it?

Rollercoaster metaphor over with, that's the pacing of Gravity Falls. For a more detailed visual example:

(Note - each episode is listed by their overall number. For example, 1 is Tourist Trapped, the peak at 31 is Not What He Seems, and the finale Weirdmageddon episodes are 38-40. Also, this is a rough, subjective view of the pacing tension, but generally... episodes that hinted or contributed to the overarching plot and tension earned higher points, and ones that added almost nothing besides comedy and character development that didn't necessarily add to the overarching plot were lower. The Weirdmageddon episodes are at a plateau since they - as finale episodes - serve to create as much tension as they do resolving it.)

Now, there are no hard and fast rules in writing, and every writer plots differently, but generally, this is the kind of pacing tension that's considered "good" (and that most common outlining techniques follow, just in different forms):

(Credit - please check out this page for a full explanation of each act.)

Generally, the trend is slow buildup. There's no plateau for eons, BOOM, then faceplant, like Gravity Falls. So that gets us to my main thesis of this post, building on what I bolded before:

Gravity Falls was too short because it's a three act story squished into a two act structure; the first season is paced like they were expecting three seasons - a season for each story act - and the second season is paced like they had to quickly fit the last two acts into one.

Why do I say this? Because there's a common writing plot point called the Midpoint / Plot Twist. So for those unfamiliar with writing techniques, let's explore what a Midpoint is:

"The Midpoint occurs at the 50% mark, halfway through the Second Act and (obviously) halfway through the book itself. Although many writers neglect the Midpoint in comparison to more noted moments such as the First Plot Point or Climax, the Midpoint is arguably the most significant beat within the story. It is what director Sam Peckinpah called the “centerpiece” of the entire story. Everything hangs upon it. In many ways, it is the moment that decides the ultimate fate of the story." "The Midpoint will feature at least one, possibly more, momentous revelations. Within the primary character arc and thematic exploration, the protagonist will encounter a Moment of Truth that forever changes his or her view of the story’s central philosophy. This revelation, perhaps in partnership with a further external revelation about the nature of the conflict itself, will forever evolve how the protagonist approaches the conflict—on both a personal and practical level. It signals a thematic shift from Lie to Truth (or vice versa) and an external shift from ineffective “reaction” to increasingly effective “action.” (Credit).

"But PrettyinPwn!", I hear you protest. "Gideon Rises is the episode smack dab halfway through the story and seasons! And that has a big reveal. And we learn a truth about Stan."

Yes, my sweet friends. Gideon Rises - and the reveal of what Stan's hiding in the basement - is a revelation, but the way the first season is paced, in my opinion it's what writers refer to as the First Act climax or Break Into Two. The Break Into Two is:

"Main character makes a choice and to go on the journey, and our adventure begins. We leave the “Thesis” world and enter the upside-down “Anti-thesis” world of Act Two."

(Credit).

Traditionally, this Break Into Two is literally stepping into a new world. Harry Potter getting to Hogwarts. Katniss Everdeen getting to the Capitol. Yadda yadda. But in Gravity Falls, it's more subtle:

We go from the "ordinary" world of Gravity Falls in Season 1 / Act 1 (which is anything but ordinary, but you get the point) where things are bizarre but lighthearted, to the "new" world of Gravity Falls in Season 2A / Act 2 where things are bizarre and definitely not lighthearted anymore. We've started to see the dark underbelly of this strange place and family, the seriousness ramps up, and... lo and behold... a B STORY pops up right at this point in full force, just like B Stories typically do right during or after the Break Into Two point. And that B Story? Is Stan's work on the portal and his search to find Ford, which was teased in the hook, all the way back at Tourist Trapped.

So no, Gideon Rises is not the real story Midpoint. The real story Midpoint is this nerd:

Let's look at those two plotline graphs again; Gravity Falls' and the typical one you see with three act structures:

Yes. Ford's reveal / Not What He Seems should have been smack dab near halfway through the series. But it's not. It marks the 75% point instead. Technically, if we follow the idea that the Midpoint should be roughly around 50% through the story, Not What He Seems should have taken place near where Gideon Rises is in the episode roster, and Gideon Rises should have been halfway through Season 1 (roughly near Fight Fighters).

So what caused this? Oh boy, I'm getting into speculation territory, and I know Hirsch has said it was meant to be this way, but based on the pacing flaws, here's my theory:

Hirsch and team wrote Gravity Falls Season 1 assuming there'd be three seasons; a season for each act of the story. They burned out, so compacted it down to two seasons, and fit all of Act 2 and 3 of the story into Season 2. That's why, at the time the episodes aired, Season 2 was referred to in two halves: Season 2A and Season 2B. Translation? Season 2A is Act 2 and what was supposed to be Season 2 but condensed, Season 2B is Act 3 of the story and what was supposed to be Season 3 but condensed.

TL;DR: In Gravity Falls, Act 1 = 50% of the story, Act 2 = 25% of the story, Act 3 = 25% of the story. AKA poor pacing. The equivalent in, say, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, would be if Harry spent 50% of the story at the Dursley's before getting to Hogwarts.

If Gravity Falls had had three seasons total, the slow buildup in Season 1 would be totally justified, as the first act of most stories takes its time to establish the characters and world. But we instead go from slow plateau to BOOM to faceplant, instead of a slow ride up to the top that consistently raises tension with a few peaks here and there, then a fun, bumpy ride of resolving the tension on the way down.

That's why Season 1 has a little hint of the overarching plot in Tourist Trapped with the Stan vending machine tease at the end of the episode - that's known in writer's circles as the "hook" or promise of the premise - and then literally almost nothing until the end.

I will reiterate: Season 1 is written like the writers thought they had enough time to pace Act 2 and 3 out over the same amount of episodes for each Act.

All this, combined with the fact that Season 2 has some very out of place episodes concerning the tension (*cough* Roadside Attraction *cough*, and no, I don't care that it was retconned later to have made sense), well... yeah.

But this didn't just affect the pacing. It also affected the characters' writing. Wendy barely got developed, Stan and Ford's backstory AKA the B plot got squished into two episodes, the government agents as an antagonist were "defeated" too soon to try to quick switch over to Bill Cipher for Season 2B / Act 3, and the most oof-worthy part? Ford got the short end of the writing stick.

I mentioned in another post that I think Ford is a fantastically written character as a concept, but unlike Stan, Dipper, and Mabel, his good writing relies more on subtext, rushed plotlines, and external materials (Journal 3, mainly). Thematically, as the show focuses on twins, parallelisms, juxtapositions, Ford should have had just as much "let's get to know this character!" focus and time to develop to the viewer as Stan did. But no, he got... what, roughly 4-5 episodes, some of them where his story was only the B plot? Literally, let's count:

Episodes with Stan plotlines: Tourist Trapped, Legend of the Gobblewonker, Headhunters, The Hand That Rocks the Mabel, The Inconveniencing, Dipper vs. Manliness, Irrational Treasure, Boss Mabel, Bottomless Pit, Land Before Swine, Dreamscaperers, Gideon Rises, Scaryoke, Soos and the Real Girl, Little Gift Shop of Horrors, The Love God, Not What He Seems, A Tale of Two Stans, DD&MD, The Stanchurian Candidate, Roadside Attraction, Weirdmageddon 1+3.

Episodes with Ford plotlines: A Tale of Two Stans, DD&MD, The Last Mabelcorn, Dipper and Mabel vs The Future, Weirdmageddon 1+3.

Ford feels like an afterthought. Dipper, Mabel, and Stan get 100% of the story to develop, and Ford gets less than 25%. Also factor in how Ford is the peak the viewer is waiting for, the whole mystery that keeps viewers on their toes for most of the story... and he gets ~5 episodes, and none of those are 100% focused on him.

It's like hosting a multiple course meal promising the main course - the steak - is gonna blow your mind. And then you get it 75% of the way through the meal and it's like... dime sized. It's a damn good little nerd steak, but it's so small, and we ate like three hundred Dipper and Wendy crush and Mabel crush and really well written and funny but effectively filler episode salads on the way here, including ones that weren't even canon (Bottomless Pit and Little Gift Shop of Horrors), interspersed with the occasional hint of steak with episodes like Dreamscaperers. Which would have been fine had there been an equal and increasing amount of steak, but no. To ask an age old question... WHERE'S THE BEEF?

A summary of Ford:

Worse yet, let's compare his introduction to Stan's introduction.

Stan (in Tourist Trapped): "Heya, I'm a grumpy old conman runnin' a tourist trap, and all I care about is money, but... hey, you kids want something from the Gift Shop?"

Ford (in A Tale of Two Stans): "Greetings, I just returned from sci-fi sideburn land, I'm just going to punch a character - my brother - beloved by the audience in the face after he did something very nice for me, tell my long backstory that kind of makes me look like a douche in multiple ways, plot convenience the antagonist away, then tell said beloved by the audience character / brother to get off my lawn."

No wonder why - after ATOTS aired - lots of people thought Ford was a Class A, prime US Grade, grass fed dick. And to this day, more people seem to love Stan over Ford in the fandom. We get context for his decisions later in... drumroll please... Journal 3. And subtext. Not even an episode.

We THEN understand that Ford punched Stan because of the thirty years of hell he went through, that he was just about to defeat Bill Cipher when Stan activated the portal therefore interrupting him, and Ford was upset that the Shack had made a mockery of his paranormal studies plus Stan had literally stolen his identity, completely turned his house around, and made him look like a conman... so we then have an 'OH!' moment and realize, "Hey, wait a minute, this guy has reasons for what he did. Maybe he was more justified than we thought, or at least as justified as Stan was.".

But not in the show. In a book released after. He is actually equally as well-written as Stan is, in concept. He's a great protagonist with realistic flaws and reasons. But he got a sad little salad in the writing department compared to Stan, Mabel, and Dipper's whole ten course caloric explosion buffet.

So what would have fixed this? Just like the overarching plot's pacing... another season. Season 1 + the first half of Season 2 could have been solving the mystery of Stan, and the second half of Season 2 and Season 3 could have been solving the mystery of Ford.

And that, my friends, is why Gravity Falls is too short.

~

Where does this leave us? Well, er... my next thought is... how would I have written Gravity Falls using the typical pacing progress?

Well, for starters, let's decide this: how many seasons do we want overall? The two options are...

A. Two seasons like it is now, but shorten each story Act.

B. Three seasons, each season is one Act of the story.

If Gravity Falls were just two seasons long in this hypothetical outline, this is what I'd do:

Take out the Dipper/Wendy love subplot. I'm sorry, we all knew while we were watching it that it would go nowhere. I remember watching it as a teen girl as the show aired and being so damn bored with it as a subplot. Especially because... as it stands, most of Wendy's purpose is as Dipper's crush. She never got her own episode.

Put Gideon Rises as Episode 10 instead of Fight Fighters. Make Not What He Seems as the Season 1 finale.

Take out a lot of the "filler" episodes in Season 1. I hate to say this, because I love a lot of the Season 1 episodes. But to pace it better, I'd say order the episodes in Season 1 like this: Tourist Trapped The Legend of the Gobblewonker The Hand That Rocks the Mabel The Time Traveler's Pig Little Dipper Boss Mabel Carpet Diem Land Before Swine Dreamscaperers Gideon Rises Scary-oke Into the Bunker The Golf War Soos and the Real Girl Sock Opera (Any of the "filler" episodes from Season 1 or 2 here) Blendin's Game Society of the Blind Eye Northwest Mansion Mystery Not What He Seems

And as for season 2:

A Tale of Two Stans Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons Then... Here we have a big gap, because we put many Season 2 episodes in Season 1. We squished all that plot into Season 1, so what do we fill episodes 3-17 of Season 2 with? I'll tell you what: More Wendy and more Ford. In this version of the outline, Dipper and Mabel are present characters in every episode, with a special focus on Stan and Soos to a smaller extent in Season 1. So to make it even, I'd make this version of Season 2 have a big focus on Ford and then Wendy to a smaller extent, mirroring how Stan and Soos are focused on in Season 1. And just like the antagonist of Season 1 - Gideon - with a little bit of the government agents, have this season have a few more episodes with the government agents and then Bill as the big final bad.

This gap here gives us ~14 episodes to develop these characters. I also think The Last Mabelcorn should be in here somewhere, so make that 13. If we parallel Season 1, then roughly... Bill should get two episodes as a main antagonist like Gideon did before his finale in Gideon Rises. Wendy should get two episodes as a deuteragonist like Soos did in Season 1.

The Bill episodes could hint more at his backstory like Journal 3 did, have him mess with Ford more and tease at Ford's "sing to me O Muse" backstory with him (because more Ford parallels with Odysseus are always welcome).

The Wendy episodes could delve into the same issues Soos' episodes did: Wendy Episode #1: Her dating issues, but instead of finding someone like Soos did, she's happily single at the end. I vote a plot where Wendy is ready to date again after the Robbie fiasco, Mabel tries to set her up with someone new, tied to a B plot with Ford where Mabel digs into his dating life, finds little to none, and then both Ford and Wendy realize at the end that it's okay to be single and not ashamed of it in a romance obsessed society (also Ford on the ace spectrum ftw, personal headcanon though). Better yet, have it have a kid friendly explanation that some people love differently; actually show that Wendy is Bisexual and Ford is - I'd argue - Ace (or straight or gay but just super bad at relationships because of pouring himself into his work and his other flaws, fear of sharing his baggage with others, etc). Not that Disney would have allowed LGBT+ at that time, because, well... Disney.

This would simultaneously make Wendy A. NOT just a crush figure tied to romance, as female characters often get relegated to, and B. help Ford parallel some insecurities about how he compares himself to Stan, just like Stan compares himself to Ford in the episodes that actually aired, especially if we keep The Stanchurian Candidate as one of the episodes but involve Ford more in it. Have Mabel pull a Jane Austen's Emma and learn to stop being a busybody matchmaker. This idea - in my opinion - is way cooler and less ethically ambiguous than The Love God.

Wendy Episode #2: Her family issues, AKA her dead mother. Make it real tearjerky with a B plot tie to how Stan or Ford never got to see their parents again after the portal accident and before their parents died, and parallel it with Wendy regretting something regarding her mother before she died. This would give us a chance to explore more about Wendy as a character, and both Filbrick / Caryn (AKA Stan and Ford's parents) as characters, as well. I would also lean more towards having her bond with Ford over Stan in this episode. Or, alternatively, you could tie this to Dipper and Mabel and their parents. Because you can't tell me that their parents did NOT have questions about what was going on after Mabel sent that letter home about her "two grunkles".

But why so many Ford with Wendy plots? Because Soos is already the Shack employee tied a lot to Stan, so to parallel, you could have Wendy bond more with Ford. At first glance, this seems like it'd be an odd duo, but Wendy probably could relate to Ford's experiences of feeling like the responsible one in the family, hiding how much they care about things under a more calm facade, the fact that Wendy's dad built the Shack for Ford, maybe add Wendy having an underlying interest in science or the paranormal that she deadens down to fit in that Ford finds out about and tries to encourage her to not hide anymore to tie in with his theme of "it's okay to be weird". You could do a million things with Ford and Wendy subplots.

So that leaves us with a total of nine other episodes to devote to Ford here in this season space. I mean, picture it... in my original counts of how many episodes Stan vs. Ford got in the real version of the show that aired, Stan had around 23 episodes that featured him.

In this version of the outline, Stan would get 14-15 episodes featuring him. Ford would get 14 episodes featuring him. CHEF'S KISS; EQUAL TREATMENT BY THE WRITING. But what would these episodes be about?

A. More bonding and arc between Dipper and Ford. Dipper would go from "notice me Ford senpai / hyperventilating" to "holy crap the Author is as awesome as I thought he'd be!" to "wait a minute, this guy's got some flaws" to "maybe this isn't who I want to become?" to make Dipper's rejection of the apprenticeship feel more natural and take the blame heat off of Mabel (as the fandom's been eager to place).

If Dipper's reasoning for rejecting the apprenticeship was not just "Mabel needs me" but a combination of "Mabel needs me, Stan needs Ford more than I do, Mabel was right and I don't need the Journals / the Author / Ford to be a hero, and I don't want to become Ford", it'd make a lot more sense. Because thematically, the plot of Gravity Falls resolves BECAUSE Dipper and Mabel don't become Ford and Stan; they avoid the mistakes they made, and in doing so, heal the literal and metaphorical rift. And it also makes more sense for Dipper's character arc, which was always about self-confidence.

That, and I think it'd have been great for Dipper to have had a trust - distrust - trust again arc with Ford like he did with Stan. "Oh, Ford's so cool" to "Ford lied to me about Bill!" to "Ford is flawed, but he's still the great uncle I love now". Put a Dark Night of the Soul in there, where Dipper literally 'Trusts No One!'. Not even Ford. Have him teeter on the precipice of going down Ford's dark path, but Mabel saves him from fully falling into it. And have Ford have a Dark Night of the Soul, where now even Dipper doesn't trust or like him, and so Ford feels totally outcasted by his family like Stan felt years ago.

B. Slower plot twist revelations about Ford's past with Bill Cipher. Start him out reluctant to talk about it, especially in front of Dipper, who views him as a hero that Ford so desperately wants to be. Explore some of his trauma, what his choices have cost him, etc. Hell, I'm pretty sure Ford's got some form of PTSD, so throw a plotline in there about Ford isolating a lot because of it. Of course, since kids are a primary audience of the show, you can't get too dark, but you can't tell me Ford didn't experience some messed up stuff on the other side of the portal.

C. Goddamn, take some of Ford's multiverse explorations from Journal 3 and make them actual episodes. What a wasted opportunity in the show. And it better have Jheselbraum in it, or I riot.

D. More Ford bonding with Mabel. Please, for the love of God, I know Dipper and Ford are nerdtopia buddies, but Ford and Mabel would get along so well. They're both weirdos at heart, sweater twins, the older twins, and love the odd and the artistic. Make a B plot with Stan and Dipper bonding, maybe even after Dipper's loss of respect for Ford, and have Dipper "side" with Stan while Mabel starts to "side" with Ford more, almost getting lost in Stan and Ford's rift themselves. Because goddammit, we're riding this juxtaposition and parallelism and thematic train into the Sun!

E. GIVE FORD MORE MOMENTS TO LOOK LIKE A CARING, SWEET GRUNKLE. Stan got a truckload of chances to shine and for the twins to bond with him. Can... can Ford have the same thing? Please? Here, elevator pitch: Ford being forced to put science away to watch the twins for a day because Stan's busy, he reluctantly agrees, and by the end he's just as much of a softie for them as Stan is. Or have Dipper and Mabel get in trouble, Stan and Ford have to work together to save them; have them sabotage each other, trying to look like the better Grunkle, but then pulling their heads out of their asses and working together reluctantly and realizing they actually have fun on adventures like they used to (which would foreshadow their choice to go on Stan-O-War II adventures later).

F. By God, I don't care if Gideon's already in jail by this point, plot-wise. This boy spent episodes chasing the Author's journals. I need to see the look on his face when he realizes the Author is his arch-nemeses' twin brother / great uncle. Please. Have him start a rivalry with Ford that goes as horribly as you'd expect because Ford would use 30 years of multiverse experience to punt this kid into the next dimension for multiple reasons, one of them being having summoned Bill Cipher, another being having used his journal for nefarious purposes.

G. Don't make the government agents go away so easily. Foreshadow Stan's return of memory in Weirdmageddon 3 with the agents remembering what happened before the memory gun wipe in Not What He Seems, not only to utilize them better as antagonists, but to increase the stakes, and also to make Stan's memories returning later seem more plausible. Have Ford play a part in getting rid of them as a threat.

Or have them switch from antagonists to allies once they realize Bill Cipher is the real threat, but have them fail to neutralize Bill to make him seem that much more insurmountable and the Pines' defeat of him that much more of a feat. To wrap up them as an obstacle, just have them thank the Pines at the end and then have them put forth the whole "Never Mind All That" act and keep the stories of the weirdness contained to Gravity Falls. Have them try to lock Stan and Ford up still, though, but realize that they're gone on the Stan-O-War II trip (which, if that story's ever made into a show, they could serve as continued antagonists chasing after the Stans).

H. More Pacifica. Make her redemption more believable. Give her another subplot in Season 2, maybe following the plotline she had in the Lost Legends comic side story with Dipper. In fact, give her a B plot episode storyline with Ford; have them bond over having had to be perfect golden children with a parent(s) that care way too much about money, and it gives Dipper and Mabel more context and understanding about Ford's struggles. There. It writes itself.

I. More McGucket. I want to see Ford angst more about what happened between them. Then, finally, after all these episodes with The Last Mabelcorn somewhere amongst them... Dipper and Mabel vs. The Future Weirdmageddon 1 Weirdmageddon 2 Weirdmageddon 3

And ta-da! You'd have a version of Gravity Falls with two seasons with more fair attention to Wendy and Ford, more evenly paced tension and plot twists, and an antagonist cycle that goes from town enemy to world enemy to multidimensional enemy. ~

As for a three season version of this outline, keep Season 1 completely as is, make Not What He Seems episode 10 of Season 2, and... this is a bold suggestion, but turn the Season 2 finale into Dipper and Mabel vs The Future and make the Weirdmageddon episodes into a whole season. Make the failure to stop the rift really hurt, and use the whole of Season 3 to have the Pines figure out how to stop the end of the world. Use some of it to rebuild the portal, explore some of the Multiverse to find a solution, have them try to find Jheselbraum to help discover more about Bill and his weaknesses and his previous attempts on Earth to break reality (like Modoc's story in Journal 3, in fact, have an episode where they time travel back to Modoc which would give him inspiration to have drawn the prophecy wheel on the cave wall that Ford found hundreds of years later), gather the whole gang and build the Shacktron, have it fail and have to use the prophecy wheel... But wait, it fails, too, and Bill scatters everyone involved across the Multiverse instead of making them into banners - while also destroying the portal - to buy himself some time to get Ford to give up the solution to breaking free from Gravity Falls. Explore the Multiverse more to gather everyone again, use each episode to devote yet more time to developing each character, parallel Ford's journey in the Multiverse for 30 years. Maybe even have a bit of a subplot where Ford breaks from Bill and tries to rebuild the portal to get everyone back, paralleling Stan's struggle to get him back for 30 years.

Learn more about who Ford was those thirty years he was gone. Use the Multiverse episodes to make Stan sympathize more with what Ford went through for thirty years. Have Jheselbraum reference the whole "you have the face of the one who will destroy Bill" to Stan instead of Ford like she did in the past, and have Stan be confused at first, thinking Ford will be the hero again. Dark Night of the Soul up in this season, man, and make the prophecy wheel fail again, and Stan realize yep, time to brain zap, Jheselbraum was right, but HE'S the one that has to stop Bill, not Ford. And THEN try Stan's conman trick to trap Bill in his mind.

And that's how I'd rewrite Gravity Falls as three seasons.

~

I'll say this: after all that criticism I just laid out, you might think I hate Gravity Falls as it is now. No. I love this show. It won't leave my brainspace and lives there rent-free, like Bill does in Stan's mind. And I will say, I understand 100% why it was written the way it was. They seemed to have had a plan in Season 1, switched gears between seasons, and tried to wrap up two seasons of plot in one season for Season 2.

And they did it with little to no flaws in terms of the overarching plot. They told the story they wanted to. They pulled a Stan and took some shortcuts, but had good intentions and got the job done. And the show is still like... an A- to solid A grade show even with these flaws.

But it could have been nearly flawless and A++ had they either planned for two seasons from the start, or powered through the burnout to make three whole seasons (which is easy for me to say, as someone that didn't have to live through what must have been hair graying levels of stress).

All in all, I'm curious to hear others' thoughts on my critique, or if anyone would like to add more about what they'd put in this hypothetical Season 2 or 3. Or if you'd prefer the two seasons still as they are, or as I hypothetically rewrote them, or as the three seasons idea I explained above. Or if you think I'm just crazy, and that Gravity Falls is perfect as is.

[darwinquark]

Okay the Halloween chapter had me foaming at the mouth. Another masterpiece. You never miss! I love when third parties like Anne get introduced in the mix just to create tension between J and V. Like girl was flirting so bad but all Jughead seemed to notice or care about was Veronica eek I love it. Please gimme more party scenes I beg. I actually live for Veronica quite literally bringing him to his knees like atta girl you go ahead and get what you want 😭

Also what jeronica/colemila fics from @thefudge do you recommend?? I'm invested now

ah, so glad you liked it! the party atmosphere was def a departure so v happy it worked for you. and yeah lol Jughead's two main modes are being a little bitch or being Veronica's bitch and that's just where we've landed these days.

as for jeronica/colemila fics by @thefudge, WHERE TO BEGIN!

first of all, I am utterly obsessed with her cursed colemila series in all of its unflinching oozy toxic glory. Cole is human sleaze in this and Cami makes horrible decisions and the two of them just keep metastasizing in each other and it's honestly romantic in how unromantic it is

kiss and (don't) tell - the classic, the OG, the primordial fix-it/what if fic when Betty and Archie kissed and everyone was obsessed with the idea of Jughead and Veronica leveling the playing field with a kiss of their own (and then...)

bakunin and broccoli - the fact of the matter is I would die for Seymour Lodge-Jones and he'd definitely let me. this my actual canon of them as elitist parents who are sickeningly in love and dote on their sociopath son when they're not too busy annoying him with how horny they are

teen idle - a darker take on high school writer Jughead with big stalker vibes but I live for the tension of him swearing he studies her because he hates her but also obsessing over her in this very carnal way

barrels - another post-Barchie fix-it/what if fic where Jughead and Veronica go on an impulsive road trip after the cheating reveal and it's really sweet and poignant and more than the writers would ever give them in canon

honestly, I could keep going and end up recommending all of them because flo is genuinely such an inventive, fearless, and exquisite writer and I feel like I learn something about writing every time I read anything of hers, but I'll lock those down as my faves. she's prolific beyond belief though and has so many other fics, so if what you're after is her more cursed stuff, I'd say look beyond the riverdale scope to her more recent works (in particular her Paul/Irulan fic which deservedly blew up the Dune fandom and her most recent Taylor Swift RPF which made me go 'jesus CHRIST' out loud at least five times. she's also got Amelia/Andrew RPF which I've yet to read but is on my list because I'm sure it's wretched and spits in the face of all that calculated chemistry).

[mabelstone]

Undressed

matt stone x reader

your classmate needs tutoring, but theres only one way to keep his attention.

18+

this is my favourite trope ever (they're both of age!!)

arrogant/cocky matt <333

Your classmate, Matt, was bright. Like, insanely smart. From what you understood, he was getting straight A's in every subject, which was why you were so confused when he asked you to study with him. Turns out, he was failing english by a lot.

"You're serious?" You laughed in his face, expression dropping when he folded his arms, deadpan. "Oh, you are serious."

"You owe me," he retorted matter-of-factly, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "You wouldn't have passed math without me."

"Fine," you huffed, defeated by the stupid look on his face. "Then we're even."

"Sure, if that makes you feel better."

So here you were. Patiently awaiting his arrival with The Crucible by Arthur Miller sprawled on your desk, filled with a thousand sticky notes and a practice quiz you'd made for him.

You nearly jumped out of your skin when your bedroom door swung open, revealing the arrogant, gangly boy from class.

"Jesus christ, you nearly gave me a heart attack," you gasped, already annoyed with him. He set his bag onto the floor and made himself comfortable on your bed, giving you nothing more than a shrug. "How'd you get in?"

"Your mom let me in," he raised an eyebrow as if you should've known. "I see where you get your looks from."

You cursed yourself for the blush that spread across your cheeks, rolling your eyes before grabbing the mock exam.

"Shoes off," you grumbled, earning a groan from Matt. "Okay, did you read the book or not?"

"I did, it was just painfully, painfully boring."

You situated yourself beside him, eyes bashfully wandering over his body. Toned arms holding himself up, the light brown happy trail exposed as his shirt rode up. Beautiful auburn curls that took the attention away from that breathtaking face. God, that nose.

"Well, no shit. I made you an exam buster to see what we need to work on." You handed him the paper for him to look over, but instead, he just stared blankly at you. "Don't give me that look. Just give it a try."

"Fine," he sighed, laying back on your bed with his hands behind his head. "Go ahead."

"Okay. Question one; how is Salem governed?"

"What? I don't fucking know?"

"Theocracy. Question two; why did Elizabeth fire Abigail?"

"She was a whore," he laughed, earning an eye roll from you. "What? She was."

"Why aren't you taking this seriously?" You pouted, folding your arms over your chest. God, you really were like your mother.

"Look, dude, the whole tutor thing is really doing it for me, but this is stupid. I'm bored already."

"Then how do you suggest I make this more interesting?"

This prick. You were trying to do something nice for him. But he was always, always so damn hard to please.

"You could take your clothes off," he suggested, sitting up to face you now.

"What? Take my clothes off?" You laughed, shifting uncomfortably under his gaze as he scanned our figure. "Can you be serious for five seconds?"

"I am being serious," he continued to undress you with his eyes, not ashamed in the slightest. "If you take your clothes off, I'll be more inclined to try harder."

You pondered for a moment, watching your mums car pull out of the driveway right on queue. It had to be a sign.

"Fine," you finally decided, standing to lock your door. "And if you get a question wrong?"

"Then- then I'll take my clothes off. Deal?"

He had that same smug look you'd grown so familiar with, except this time, it sent a jolt of electricity straight to your heat.

"Deal," you grinned, snatching the mock exam off the bed as he repositioned himself against your pillows. "I can't wait to see you in nothing but your socks while I'm putting on extra layers."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. This could be my favourite book." He grinned up at you, making you question if him failing was all just a rouse to get in your pants. It was working.

"Okay, smartass. What does Mrs. Putnam blame the death of her children on?"

"Easy, witchcraft," he answered fast, responding to a text on his phone before gesturing with his hand. "Why don't you take your shirt off first." Still, eyes glued to his phone.

Frustration at his attitude rose within you, but was soon overloaded with excitement as you followed his request, throwing your shirt at him. "Off your phone. No cheating."

He dropped his phone on his chest and threw his hands up in defence, eyes raking over your chest. "Cute bra. Take it off next."

"No, that's not how this works." You rolled your eyes for the hundredth time, it was like a reflex when you were around him. "What commandment does John Proctor forget when Reverent Hale questions him?"

"Uh... thou shall not kill?"

"Uh-uh. Shirt off, thanks."

You stared as he sighed, sitting up to pull his shirt over his head, throwing in on the floor before your feet, laying back where he was now. He was quite thin, but toned. Big, broad shoulders with prominent collarbones. That happy trail alone almost made you fold.

"Okay," you swallowed thickly before continuing, "why can't Elizabeth be hanged if found guilty?"

"She's pregnant," he smiled wide as your expression dropped. He was totally pulling your leg, he had to have been pretending to not know the answers. "Take your underwear off before your skirt. And chuck 'em here."

"You're a creep," you huffed, obliging nevertheless. You slipped them off from under your skirt, flinging them in his direction. You couldn't suppress the shaky breath that escaped you when he pocketed them.

Just as you opened your mouth, Matt cut you off. "I'll ask you one now. What happens to John at the end?"

"He's hanged," you laughed at his poor attempt to catch you out. "For that, take off your pants."

"Fair," he grinned, standing to pull off his pants, revealing a sizeable tent forming in his briefs.

He towered over you, eyes shamelessly wandering your frame, that gapped toothed smile that made you queasy on full display. His fingers grazed your waist, goosebumps forming under his light touch. You grabbed his wrist and gently pushed him back onto the bed by his chest.

"That bra comes off next," he commanded, eyelids hooding as he gazed up at you.

You nodded, offering, "if you get this right, you can take it off for me."

He nodded eagerly, a wet patch now formed on the front of his briefs.

"What did Parris catch his daughter doing in act one?"

"Dancing, right?"

You nodded meekly, stepping in between his legs. His eyes lit up as he reached around your back, slender fingers unclipping your bra with ease. You slipped it off, dropping it into his lap.

The quietest profanity fell from his lips, pupils fully blown at this point. You grabbed his wrist and guided it to your breast, the warmth of hand making you shiver in contrast to the cold air of your bedroom.

"What's Parris' position in Salem?" Your voice was softer than before, heart beginning to race under his touch, and he could no doubt feel it.

"Who gives a fuck." He grabbed your hips, pulling you down to straddle him, smashing his lips into yours.

"I'm sorry, that's incorrect," you mumbled against his lips, fingers hooking into the band of his briefs.

He chuckled deeply, tapping your waist for you to stand up. He pulled his briefs off while you discarded your skirt, grabbing you by the wrist before pulling you back onto him. He brought his fingers to your lips for you to spit, before lathering it over his length. He then dipped his fingers into your heat, collecting your wetness before doing the same with it.

"Thank you for helping me study- very effective." He grinned, lining himself up with your hole. He slid into you forcefully, both of you gasping in unison. His hands found their way to your ass, fingers digging into the plush skin hard, urging you to bounce faster in time with his thrusts.

"God, like that," he groaned, one of his hands grabbing the back of your neck, connecting your lips again. His kisses were rough, messy. Tongue exploring the expanse of your mouth, his teeth digging into your lip occasionally, struggling to keep your lips locked with the rapid pace he was fucking you at.

He flipped you onto your back, hands still pawing at your ass. Catching you completely off guard, he lifted you off the bed with him, slamming your back into the wall. He continued his pace, using one hand to brush your hair from your face.

"Matt," his name; a warning, escaped your lips in a whimper, your forehead falling against his as you reached your peak embarrassingly fast.

"Tha's it, good girl," he coaxed as you came down, legs trembling around his waist, mouth uncomfortably dry from panting.

"Fuck," he warned you this time, picking you up even higher, pulling out before shooting hot ribbons all over your chests and stomachs. Exhausted, you both stood there panting momentarily, your harms draping his shoulders as you rested your forehead against his. He set you down on the bed before collapsing beside you.

You hadn't even finished the game you were playing, both still in your socks.

He strung his arm over your sticky waist, breaking the silence.

"Now we're even."

[lolahasmoxie]

Take a Trip - E.M.

I saw this AMAZING post from @shieldofiron and I had to do it.

P.S. I'm high right now. Rock on.

Pairing - Eddie Munson x Teacher reader

Warnings - drugs, casual intimacy, Eddie being a dumbass.

"Eddie, I'm home!" You didn't look inside your home as you removed your shoes at the door. Hanging up your coat, you turn your head when you hear socked feet quickly approaching.

"Hi, Baby, how was your day?"

"Not bad," you reply as Eddie dips to kiss your lips. "The kids were pretty good today, but I am so glad it's Friday, and I get you to myself for two whole days."

"Same," he replies with a dopey grin. He'd been pulling extra hours this week so that you could have an interrupted weekend.

"So, where are we going for date night tonight?" you ask as you walk past Eddie. "You never told me what we were doing for your pick?"

"Yeah," he replies shamefully, a hand rubbing his neck as he tries to catch up with you. "I don't think we'll be going anywhere tonight."

"What do you mean?" you ask, and stop dead when you spot Wayne sitting on the couch. He's staring at the TV, a bright cartoon playing as he smiles and laughs to himself. "Edward, what the fuck did you do?" you whispered, still loud enough that you caught the older man's attention.

"Y/N!" he says happily, and before you can say anything, Wayne rises from the couch and speed walks up to you. He wraps you up in a hug, and Eddie watches the whole spectacle with a bemused yet guilty look.

"Hi, Wayne," you begin. "Everything okay?"

"Haven't felt this good in years. Eddie made some homemade brownies; I didn't know he was so good in the kitchen, did you?" You sigh as your brain deduces what is happening. You glance over at your man, who now looks simply guilty.

"He is a whiz; in fact, I need to talk to the chef in the kitchen. Why don't you go back to your show?" Wayne nods, and when he's back on the sofa, you grab Eddie's hand and drag him into your kitchen.

"Now, before you say anything,"

"How much did he take, Eddie?" Eddie looked you in the eye as he mumbled an answer under his breath. "Loud enough for normal people to hear, dingus."

"Half a pan."

"HALF A PAN!" you say, shocked. Edward quickly shushes you as you rub a hand down your face. "Jesus H. Christ....you know we haven't been on a date in two weeks?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And that I was really looking forward to spending some alone time with you because I fucking miss you?" Eddie nods as he hangs his head. You let out a sigh as you assess the situation. "You know you owe me big, right?"

"One step ahead of you," he says with a boyish grin as he deems it safe to approach you. "I have a table at Enzo's tomorrow night, and the Hawk is showing your favorite movie, so I figured we could check it out after."

"Good save," you reply, and Eddie grins as he leans in to kiss you. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him in. "Make sure to label your shit next time, Dr. Feelgood?" Eddie chuckles before he presses his forehead to yours.

"Yes, ma'am. And I can start making it up to you tonight if you'd like?" You pull back and study his face, waiting for him to continue. "Why don't you have a piece of brownie while I go upstairs and draw you a bath. Then, after Wayne has passed out, I will give you 35 uninterrupted minutes of oral sex."

His eyes are eager, eyebrows raised as you contemplate his offer. Those pretty chocolate orbs are laser-focused as you pretend to have an internal debate. "Make it 45, and we have a deal."

"Wow, twist my arm, why don't you," he says with fake annoyance. "I will do this for you; it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make." He makes a vigilant face, and you can't help but laugh at him. You pull him in and press your lips to his to allay his pride when he starts to pout, and deep down, you hope that this feeling you have with him never goes away.

"Now, my Lady," he begins with his Dungeon Master voice. "You grab a brownie, and I'll set up your bath." There's a quick peck to your lips, and your sweet boy is heading to your bathroom. You cut a piece of brownie and pop it in your mouth, smiling when you realize Wayne's assessment was correct. This brownie is fucking delicious.

As you take another bite, you hear Waye guffawing at something that happened on the TV. You turn your head when you hear Eddie come back into the kitchen. He bows and makes a sweeping gesture to the hallway. "My Lady, your bath awaits."

You kiss him on the cheek when you're in front of him, but Wayne's laugh stops you both before you can say anything.

"At least he's having a good time." Eddie offers, and you put a hand on his shoulder and shake your head.

"You realize he is going to murder you tomorrow, right?"

"It's Wayne; he wouldn't harm a fly," Eddie says with surety. "And if I'm wearing my running shoes in the morning, it's for a totally unrelated matter."

"Sure it is," you chuckle. "Now, you go babysit your Uncle, I’m gonna take a relaxing bath. Naked. While touching myself. Have fun!"

"Evil, EVIL woman," he mutters under his breath before he heads to keep an eye on his Uncle.

BONUS:

The next morning:

"Hey, Wayne. How are you..."

"Boy, if there isn't a mug of coffee in front of me in 5 seconds, I'm putting your ass up for adoption."

"Wayne, I'm 25."

"4, 3...."

"Coffee, got it."

[joohanisms]

idk if you wrote about this before or not but thoughts on taking junhans virginity 😭😭😭

i haven't!!!!!!! tysm for the ask so i have an excuse to <33

(half written before i went ia)

mmm first of all i think hed actively look for someone inexperienced to date while hw himself was inexperienced

less space for disappointment yknow how could hw disappoint you when you kinda just .. dont know better literally

but then he ended up w you <3 who actually does have some experience and its kinda nervewracking for him, he's not gonna lie

he's been putting it off for so long – sure, it only took a couple of dates for you to make out and your hands to wander. the way he tentatively gripped your ass made you want him kind of desperately.

but it never went past that. a while later, when the topic of making things official came up, his cheeks blushed a deep red while he looked down at his feet.

"ah, before we, you know, start dating for real... i thought you should know." and fuck, you think. there it goes. there's the catch. "i'm not too... experienced. actually, i've never had sex before. i don't want you to be disappointed if we get to it and i'm not any go–" his mouth is sealed shut as you kiss him firmly, hands cradling his face.

"you're stupid. i don't care. nothing of what you just said would ever make me lose interest," he wants to avoid your eyes, hide his face, but the way you're holding his flaming cheeks in place won't let him. "at most, it just makes me happy i'll be your first."

and since then, he's been avoiding – more like procrastinating, to be fair – getting sexual with you. the most you've done so far was dry humping each other on his sofa while his apartment was empty (that is, until one of his roommates opened the front door and he jumped out of his skin).

you don't want to push him, so you wait for him to come to you.

(but if anyone asked you whether you were fingering yourself in the shower thinking about him, you wouldn't be able to deny it.)

the next time he got to escape from his dorm and visit you and your blessedly empty tiny apartment, he has you on his lap, the movie playing on your laptop long forgotten.

you didn't notice anything before – he was the same hyeongjun as always – but now you can see how his hands are shaking and how he keeps taking deep breaths seemingly out of nowhere.

you detach your lips from his, studying his face. this makes him more nervous, the poor thing. did he do something wrong? is he this easy to read?

"hyeongjun, are you okay? you look like you're going to pass out." you try to leave the comfortable seat that is his thighs, but his hands shoot up and grab your waist, holding you down.

"hyeongjun. you're shaking. have you eaten? let me grab you a cup of wa–"

"i'm fine."

"really? what did you have for lunch? did you have enough? or did you have too much?" you can't help but worry for him. he's already a skinny guy, but you can't be too careful knowing how much time he spends online.

"i swear i'm fine! i'm just..." he trails off, looking at everything in your room but you. one of his hands leaves your waist to fiddle with a loose thread on your comforter. once again, you wait for him to come to you – he likes that about you, how you leave him to find ways to express himself instead of dragging it out of him. his tone is soft when he eventually finishes, "i'm just nervous, that's all."

you cup his cheek in an act of comfort, looking at him like he's some kind of baby bunny, small and defenseless. he finds he doesn't mind it too much.

"nervous about what, baby? what's on your mind?"

"i was thinking," he finally lets go of your waist to play with his fingers, "maybe it's about time we, uh, you know, fuck."

jesus christ. your tummy does a backflip at his wording.

"you know i don't mind if we don't, right? i'm fine with how things are now." you slide your hand down his neck and shoulder, and some braincell vaguely makes him think that you're not doing anything to help him go against having sex.

"but i want to," his response is eager and he backtracks, "if you want it too, i mean."

your mind is so clouded with the thought of not only having him, but also to have you be his first, that you don't even respond before you're pressing your lips to his again.

" of course i do."

[firstprinced]

hi pretty people and happy pride month!

long story short - i read a lot of fics of alex and henry. all the ratings, all the lengths, au's and canon. now, this has been going on for a long time (don't ask me how long i will not confess). lately i have been just reading recent works and after sending another fic rec to the gc, i thought to myself, why not share them on tumblr. so this is just that. i will not limit my recs with anything but will write out ratings, wordcount, summary etc and give my own notes (spoilers not included).

SO! here are some of my latest fic recommendations from those i've read during the last week or so! ALL of these are posted between 31st of May and 5th of June 2024. bon appetit!

one more thing, everything not E is very pure in my eyes. all below E are marked with blue and all E fics are in pink.

but daddy, you love him by @theprinceandagcd rated M, 16k. tags: non-famous au, kid fic, mutual pining my comment: so sweet i was about to die. and i cried! minor angst i just cried over how pure it was. alex's daughter in the fic, brie, is the sweetest thing in the whole wide world.

author's summary Alex peers up at Henry’s face, the familiar tenseness in his jaw and mildly disinterested eyes nowhere to be seen. Instead, Henry’s expression is open and borderline delighted, like Brie used an extra strong shot of sorcery to draw Henry in and melt the ice that he usually stays locked behind.Suddenly, Alex’s vague crush on an unapproachable coworker feels realer, all because he’s standing there and looking at Alex’s daughter like she hung the fucking moon. He’s treating the most important person in Alex’s life—his entire goddamn heart—as if she truly matters to him, giving her fist bumps and smiling at her and telling her she’s beautiful like her dad.It’s doing weird things to Alex’s chest and making his palms sweat even in the air conditioned office, and he can’t decide if he’s okay with that development or if he wants to stick his head in Brie’s Easy-Bake oven.

the law of attraction by ao3 user bananamilks rated T, 6k. tags: non-famous au, fluff, no angst, henry is a flirt, bisexual disaster acd my comments: i can never get enough of a confident, flirty henry. alex didn't stand a chance. was giggling and kicking my feet and also full on LAUGHING

author's summary As he’s pulling out his textbook, a shadow crosses over Alex’s bag. Before he can look up, a warm, distinctly accented voice asks, “more exams?” “They never stop,” Alex says. He looks up at Henry, who is grinning down at him with his arms crossed over his chest. If Alex notices the way his shirt is pulled taught over his broad shoulders then that is no one’s business. Henry glances at his textbook, and Alex finds himself angling it so Henry can see better. “Criminal procedure. It’s about–” Henry leans one arm on the table, and his blonde hair flops down into his eyes. He’s studying the book cover like he’s the one with the exam, and this close Alex can see a tiny mole on his upper lip. “Uh… criminal… procedures.” The corner of Henry’s lip quirks up and – Jesus Christ. “You don’t say?” [or: Alex is a law student and Henry works at the library. Naturally, they're smitten]

playing to win (you're in my head again) by @anincompletelist WIP (but written and posting every day or every other day so no sweat)! rated E, about 30k finished, currently 2/7. tags: enemies to lovers, pining, friendship, getting together, dob/sub dynamics, kink negotiation, kink exploration, subspace, aftercare, post-college, masturbation, oral sex, eventual fluff my comments: NOW, i don't know how much i'll rec wips but this one i HAD TO. one, please do read this author's other work if you have not. two, this is everything i could dream up. CHOMP CHOMP. yeah that's my academic peer review.

author's summary Other than Nora, there’s Pez, the one that’d wrangled them all together in the first place and continues to plan their token themed brunches & bar crawls each week; Eliana, or Eli for short, ridiculously talented creative with a heart of gold underneath the leather jacket and the nose ring; and Mateo, their resident bro, all around hype-man and Alex’s fellow bisexual. And that’s pretty much the group. Except for Henry, of course. But Alex tries not to think about him if he can help it. + Or, Henry and Alex are practically perfect for each other. Once they get past the years long animosity and hate-pining, of course.

'we hereby conduct this postmortem' (or something along these lines) by ao3 user natoureuse rated E, 23k. tags: homicide detective alex, medical examiner/forensic analyst henry, character injury, blood and injury, mentions of murder/death/guns and so on, sexual content, feelings realization my comment: SO incredibly funny, beautiful, soft, sweet, FUNNY. i loved everything about it and this author writes so well oh my god! it, because of their occupations, involves some blood and dead people so if that's a hard no so be it but it is SO fluffy you wouldn't believe based on the tags etcetera. adored it.

author's summary “There is evident lack of blood around the wound.” “So that suggests he was dead beforehand?” “It suggests that the blood coagulated before the stabbing, which would mean…” Basically that he was dead beforehand, to summarize. Or; Homicide detective Alex tries to befriend his rude ass coworker, medical examiner Henry.

that's it for today! i'll see if i'll keep this a weekly thing and maybe i'll change the format in some ways but these are the fics i wanted to highlight! show love for new works and works by new authors - comment, leave kudos, all that good stuff 🩵

[headstrongblake]

@thewholecrew: [ RESCUE ] for sender to intervene upon seeing a third party making the receiver one uncomfortable. / kassy & nick ??? B)

standing at the edge of the bar top, nick was truthfully counting down the minutes to close. it feels incredible to be behind a bar again. his bar. but lately, he was finding himself wanting to be at home more and more, especially now with kassy living there with him. he was hardly paying attention to the patrons around him when a tall blonde snapped her fingers in front of his face. "hello? earth to nicklas." nick blinked, quickly pushing his fight response down when he noticed his older sister sitting at his bar top, right beside him. he unclenched his fist, shaking his head as a goofy smirk laced his lips. "you trying to get your head taken off? jesus sam, what brings you by to my lovely establishment." he winked, rounding back behind the bar to pour her a vodka water.

"no, none for me, i'm still on the clock," samantha explained, flashing her badge settled on her hip. a brow raised in her direction, crystal hues narrowing at his sister from across the bar before he dumped the drink he'd began making. "s'okay, we doing business or pleasure tonight?" he asked carefully, cocking his head to the side as he studied how her eyes raked over him and his club cut. it was one thing to see his sister back in the city. to see her in his home after kassy invited her, breaking the ice between the two siblings at his house warming party. but if she were here on business terms...well, that complicated matters. "don't fret, i'm not here about you and your boys, not trying to violate anyone or put bracelets on any of you."

with a curt nod, nick rounded the bartop to stand beside her, thankful she was not here working. "'kay, lay it on me, what's up?" but nick wasn't prepared for her response, and when she mentioned their father's name, asking him if he'd heard from their da at all, suddenly his hearing melded with the base hitting in the club. samantha sounded a few hundred miles away. he hasn't given his old man much thought. not since kassy and grant had drug nick back into the light after he plunged himself back into their father's darkness. no, sam can't be here asking him questions about him. kassy needs his head on straight...which isn't possible if he's worried about his sister digging into what should stay dead. "christ sam, look you just got back to town, whatchu wanting to stir up shit with him anyway? leave the bastard be." was all nick offered in response to her concerns as he straightened, shifting uncomfortably where he stood. "nicklas, he's our dad...what if something's happened to him? his place looks abandoned."

muscles beneath his shirt tightened, hues wandering over the sea of people. the only relief he found was when he caught kassy's gaze, watching as she made her way through the clearing crowd toward him. just as kassy neared the siblings, nick leaned closer to his sister, "i'm not havin' this conversation with you samantha, he's a drunk...bastard probably wander off in some hole to die, stop spinnin' out about him." nick all but demanded, posture only shifting as kassy slid in close to him, talking about rev and grant looking for him. his brows furrowed together in confusion— wasn't grant out with octavia tonight? did they come in when he wasn't paying attention? but as crystal hues glanced down at kassy, her knowing look had him nodding. "right, right okay, thanks sweetheart." he muttered, slipping his arm around kassy's shoulder to keep her with him. "duty calls sam, look i'll reach out later alright? i'm telling you, you ain't got anythin' to worry about." he explained vaguely before wandering off in the opposite direction with kassy under his arm.

"you got special alarm bells that go off when i need ya under all that hair of yours?" he asked playfully, a more comfortable grin spreading across his lips as he walked through his club to the back door. i know you, especially when you need saving. nick's grin widened, a hand lifting to lay across his heart, "my hero," he teased, leaning to press a kiss against her hair. "thanks for having my back, kass."

[eldritchmusing]

Okay, to dive right into it, there are some characters who I am excluding because, for the most part, I'm not sure what cultural things I would be able to talk about, so just letting everyone know: I will not be talking about the Agreste family, the Fathom family, the Bourgeois family, the Lavillant family, and the Raincomprix family.

Like I have problems with how the characters are written, don't get me wrong, but none of them have particular cultural things that I want to talk about. I feel like the Bourgeois and Agreste families will just have their own posts because Jesus Christ.

Originally, I was going to go into a breakdown of each character and why their ethnicities don't actually impact their characters in the subtlest ways, but I can actually easier summarize it.

What impact does having any of the characters being certain nationalties have on the plot that aren't just racial sterotypes?

For most, it literally has no effect at all (Alix being Amazigh, Kim being Vietnamese, Nathaniel being Jewish and Nino being Moroccan).

Some it barely has an effect (Alya being Martiniquian and Marinette being Chinese).

For Kagami in particular, her whole story boils down to the "oppressive Asian parent who is hyper controlling of her life", which is a racist stereotype about Asian people. It would've been fine if it was written by an Asian person, but it was written by a white man, so yikes.

And then there are other characters where, in my opinion, they should be POC because otherwise it's just flat out uncomfortable. Yes, I am talking about Mylène. She was only given her hair to show that she was a nature activist, and that's it.

Also this is a personal opinion, but I think Jalil's whole thing would've been less eugh if the family was Egyptian, because it could be that Jalil wants to reconnect with his Egyptian roots, something that he can do via studying their ancient history, but his father discourages it since it doesn't matter because they're in France now.

Before I close this off, I wanted to mention something that isn't racist I don't think but feels like a strange microagression: Lila. Like, I don't know how to word it, but having the only Italian character being a conniving, master manipulator at the age 13 feels like a strange microagression, don't know how else to word it.

Though I'll get into Lila and Chloe's writing later.

Anyway, that's it for now. See you later!

[domsaysstuff]

Spidey!Robin AU

this au from this post is still rotating in my head to the point of insanity so here are some ideas abt it

ronance|side-steddie

Robin didn't like spiders.

She wasn't afraid of them but most of them made her uneasy and she would rather not deal with them. Still, even with her uneasiness she could not bring herself to kill one. Which normally isn't a problem, Steve even if he himself was afraid of them, and Robin knew that, like Robin knew everything about Steve through years of exposure to him and extortion and possibly a case of their brains melting together, he would put a brave face and take care of it for her.

But Steve wasn't here right now and there was a spider on her desk. To top it, the spider itself was looking weird, almost intelligent. Maybe Steve was right and she was studying too much and her brain was going to fry up but she could swear there was something about the spider that made her think it could understand her.

"Here goes nothing." She mumbled to herself. "Okay little guy, I'll take you out the window but you need to stay put, no funny tricks!"

The spider predicably didn't respond.

"Jesus Christ Buckley, you're starting to talk to fucking spiders." She rolled her eyed and then sighed, and moved towards the spider with a sheet of paper. "I'm going to scoop you up on this thing buddy and then carry you to the window."

Still no response. She took a stabilizing breath and did as she said. The Spider, because at this point he deserved to be addressed with capitalized letters, was still staying put and letting itself be moved onto the sheet.

"Huh, this is easy." Steve always moans and complains all until the spider is out their apartment. But then, there rarely is a moment when Steve doesn't complain. Dustin always says he's like a grumpy grandpa, Robin just calls him bitchy. "We're almost there bud."

She opened the window and moved the sheet onto the window still. And then things happened so quickly she could barely blink. The Spider moved towards her hand and she went into the panic mode.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, get off, get off, oh my god, get off, this is not what we agreed on!" Trying to shake it off her hand she also moved closer to the window and that's when she felt it. A small pinch, barely noticeable through her panic. "What the fuck! You bit me!"

The betrayal she felt was almost as strong as her panic, she shook her hand even harder and that's when the spider fell of right into the open window.

Her first thought was, thank god.

Her second was, I'm never laughing at Steve when he needs to throw out a spider ever again.

The third was, oh god it bit me. I'm going to die.

So turns out she was not going to die.

After a panicky call to Steve and a visit at the hospital, it was confirmed she was fine.

So, she's not dying, great, mostly after a week the Spider was almost out of her mind.

And that's when she starts feeling weird.

After that, she discovers she has powers, she tells Steve like, the next day because she can't not tell Steve, c'man, they don't keep secrets so she becomes spiderwoman

Okay so Robin is a freshmen in college and she lives nearby campus with Steve who is also either a freshmen (had a one year gap) or a sophomore

Steve is the og man in chair but they need some way to hack the police radio to get intel and that's where they involve Dustin (bc Steve still is the babysitter, just without the upside down shit) and his tech knowledge, how Erica gets involved is anyone's guess (maybe she makes the costume, i feel like Dustin would definitely be the one to suggest a costume, the lil comic nerd) but she does and so the Scoops Team is like Robin's team of operations

Four months in and Robin is starting to get this vigilante shit. Unfortunately, she's not very, uh, discreet. So the city gets a hero, but also the mystery. Who is Spiderwoman?

Enter Nancy Wheeler. Nancy, the leader of the campus newspaper. Nancy dedicated to become someone big, someone important, Nancy committed to breaking out, hungry for a story that would put her name out there.

So obviously, obviously, she wants to know who spiderwoman is more than anyone. And she's not used to not getting what she wants.

Robin to sway her away from her trail joins the newspaper.

"Why can't you do it Steve?"

"Okay first of all, no one would believe I want to join the newspaper and besides, Nancy is my ex-girlfriend!"

"Yeah! So you know her the best! You know how to distract her!"

"Did you miss the ex part?"

At first they have a bit of enemies flavor to them, because Nancy doesn't know why would Robin do this and also Nancy is publicly anti-spidey and Robin absolutely blabbers and ruins the two times she tries to defend spiderwoman (which actually, i think is just fucking flirting, you can't say Nancy doesn't enjoy a good argument and i think Robin thinks she flunked it but she actually made a few points that had Nancy thinking about them later like, huh, maybe there is something to her point and that makes Nancy feel all warm and fluttery inside, she just enjoys someone who can challenge her) but as they work together they start to have a bit more closer relationship

And she can't help it, she can't help it but develop a crush on Nancy fucking Wheeler of all people. But it's just she's so pretty and actually kind and stubborn and fierce, how was Robin not supposed to have a crush?

But Nancy Wheeler has a boyfriend. A boyfriend that also works for the newspaper. Jonathan Byler is a photographer for the campus newspaper and the biggest issue with him is that Robin actually fucking likes the guy.

And the thing is that at first Robin only really faces off against some petty criminals, like no one supernatural, for all she knows she is the only supernatural person in the world

Then Venom appears and Venom wants to fuck shit up. The guy is practically on a big power trip™ and Robin must stop him.

She can like spidersense him but only if she's really close to him, usually it works better, but this is almost like he's masking?? She doesn't really get it but she knows it it screws with her spidersense

And either they think its eddie munson because its just fit with the crime places and shit (but he's human) or one day her and Steve are walking through campus and they pass Eddie Munson and her spider senses are tingling™ (because he's spidey, bc spideys as a queer metaphor my beloved, also just imagine just how funny it would be if Eddie asked Robin if Steve is also like them (meaning queer) and she took it as meaning spidey so she's like "he wishes" chuckling and then starts talking how great and supportive he is tho, so Eddie thinks Steve is straight but a great ally snssj)

Either way Steve needs to get closer to Eddie Munson ("why i have to spend time with Eddie the freak Munson?" "Because i just joined the newspaper last month dingus! It's your time to pull your weight, besides your kids beg you like all the time to play their dice game! It's a good excuse!") so he starts sitting on hellfire meetings that is less a highschool club now and more of a friends meeting up together after Eddie graduated, under the disguise that he finally caved in with the kids begging (if he falls for Eddie Fucking Munson it's noones but his and Robin's business)

Venom is obvs Billy

Also! Also! A scene of Nancy sort of coming out to Robin, but not really Robin but spiderwoman and admitting her crush on Robin to her, on like some rooftop of a building after Robin saved her or some shit and Nancy is like "i feel like you would understand, constantly feeling torn between two words and identities" and it's like this vulnerable moment for Nancy and it's very bittersweet for Robin because now she knows

But she shouldn't have known. She shouldn't, she should have stopped Nancy before she said anything because she has really no right to know. Nancy didn't tell it to Robin Buckley, she said it to Spiderwoman. And after that Robin is a bit weird around Nancy because she KNOWS but she SHOULDN'T and oh god, she's gonna puke

And then Nancy finding out abt Robin being Spidey and feeling betrayed but also rejected because she now knows she revealed her crush to Robin and in turn Robin started acting weird so she takes this as rejection and it's this miscommunication between them and also maybe at this moment Robin also feels like a shit spiderwoman because Billy hurt Steve, who tried to protect the kids and she was unable to stop it and Steve is hurt and Nancy is mad at her and she can't be a superhero and she can't be just a normal girl and she feels so mad and tired

Anyway that's all i have, if you read this far I'm giving you a big kiss on the forehead 💖

[lmelodie]

Bad Ending AU Epilogue (Ghost Sighting)

Part One / Part Two / Part Three (Epilogue)

HERE YA GO @definitelyy-not-a-vampire !! Heres ya food!

For anyone not in the loop, I THOUGHT that this little side quest of a project would only have two parts. But then I got THIS ask from my lovely mutual K that inspired this entire thing. Kind of ripped off from the idea of the Jacqueline Dies AU pt.2 from ANOTHER mutual @safyresky. This is what my life is now. Just writing au's of au's and fanfics of fanfics.

This little snippet of a thing explores what happens when Chance and Choice Jack and Lucy (one year after the fact, when Blackice gets back together), just pop over to the dark side for a quick visit.

Also a little teeny tiny spoiler for something happening to Lucy at the end of Chance and Choice. Oops.

There was a rapturous knocking at the front door, a hurried and frenzied pounding. 

“I'll be right there!” The woman called out from the adjacent study. 

But the loud and panicked knocking continued all the way from her desk to the front door.

“Jesus Christ, give it a minute!” she shouts, unlocking the various skeleton locking mechanics on the door and creaking it open. “Now I know you had to read the sign on the teleporter to know that you're calling outside office hours! So this better be real—”

She’s halted in the middle of her sentiment by the people threatening to break down her door. Two very familiar faces that drains her own of any color. 

“—important…”

She finds none other than the past staring back at her through two very different facets. Memories of a time long since past. Two ghosts of another name. None other than herself and Jack Fucking Frost are on her front door step. 

While Lucy and Jack nervously stared back at the woman they both silently noted to themselves how different this version of her was. 

She was much older than they were expecting, somewhere in her forties at least; But almost looked even older by the unusual amount of gray taking over her roots. A visible scar streaking across her left cheek. The gray and red hair was thrown up into a bun that was coming undone, an old magenta cloak covering her shoulders. A jaded face pulled back in surprise, appallment even, as her eyes rapidly switched to different things to take in about the pair. 

When she didn't say anything at first, the teenaged Lucy and Jack shared a worried glance to each other before the younger girl went into it.

“Okay look, I know this looks weird,” she started, “I know this looks really weird, but we really don't have time to explain. We could probably use your help, more immediately than anything, ya see we ended up collecting this little angry mob along the way over here…”

But before the teen could finish, the terrified older Lucy locked her gaze onto Jack, singling him out. She reaches next to her, away from view and grabs her staff. Wordlessly she glows a bright lavender and a bolt of light comes careening towards him.

Both Jack and Lucy manage to duck just in time, being able to feel the static on their skin from the blast just barely grazing them. But they didn't have to come back up before this other Lucy charges out of her home and relays more solid blasts of light, stringing across the air towards Jack again.

“HEY! WHAT GIVES!?” He immediately backs up and starts running with the older Lucy hot on his heels, knocking over her own counterpart to the ground in her pursuit.

The teenager lands with a harsh thud, nearly into the flower bushes as she watches her older self expertly and violently sling more attacks at him. Beams of light arcing through the air and missiles launching in his direction. Swiping motions from her staff and bare hands summoning targeted blasts of high voltage. 

Jack tries out running her first, but she’s much more equipped for this kind of battle than the younger version he’s accustomed to. 

“Would you stop! We need your help here!” he shouts over his shoulder, her barrage never letting up and instead growing angrier by the second. 

“Shut the fuck up and let me kill you, scumbag!” 

He turns around for a brief moment, swiping his arms out and blasting snow in her direction, some of it getting into her open eyes, slowing her down some. He starts circling her making and making more snow, crunching his hands together to puppet the snow around her, trying to sufficiently bury her in it. 

“Just hear us out! We don't want any trouble!” Teenaged Lucy calls out as she stands again and catches up with the commotion. “I’m YOU! Were from another timeline, we got lost and—”

With her eyes aglow, the experienced sorceress manages to gesture her hand, severing the case of snow trapping her perfectly in half. She throws her arms open and sends the two halves flying away from her, exploding into powder. Her face snarled in determination.

“Illusions! FAKES the both of you!” She accuses, “I don't know who’s behind a spell like this but it's as poorly in taste as it is crafted!”

She swipes the staff in the air again, sending another large blast towards Jack. He gets into a defense stance to summon something to block it, but he never gets the chance.

The younger Lucy was quicker, and a swirling shield of magic aether runs itself in front of him like a freight train, absorbing the like minded attack with an almost satisfying bloop.

Lucy turns to look at herself with the same ire staring back at her. The young girl takes her own staff in her tremor riddled hands and draws a barrier circle around the woman from afar, sending the magic into the sky and blocking her in. The older Lucy could easily break out of this barrier, quite literally of her own making, but her younger self gives her no time.

“Look, we don't have a lot of time! I’m telling you, that I’m another version of you from a different universe. He’s another Jack Frost, and we’ve kinda amassed an angry mob on our way over, we need your help and your shelter so we can have a chance at getting back to our own timeline!”

She gets all of this information out as quickly as she can muster. The sorceress never wavers, retaliation at the ready while keeping a close eye on the both of them. 

“Prove it!” she demanded. “Prove to me that you're both real and aren't evil.”

“I-If I may, actually,” Jack nervously raises his hand. “I don't think there's any kind of illusion powerful enough to replicate two types of magic to this degree,” he gestures to the odd piles of snow on the ground and the barrier around the woman is currently surrounded by. “Not that I know of, at any rate.”

This makes her stop and think for a moment, her outward hostility fading just a bit. She was so gung ho on snuffing out Jack as fast as possible, she hadn't considered this, very begrudgingly true fact. Of all her decades of study she knows there isn't an illusion anyone can cast that could feel this real. 

But when all three hear the cluttered and distant sounds of the aforementioned angry mob coming through the teleporter, the youngest of the group goes to seal the deal. 

“Your parents' names are Neil and Laura Miller,” she starts, relaxing her own posture. “Your mom was married once before to Scott Calvin, who's the father of your half brother Charlie Calvin. You're a cancer and you wear size 7 shoes, but only in wides. Your first childhood dog was named Tulip.”

The woman's face begins to undo its own tension as she hears the girl list off these things, the reality slowly starting to set in.

“What…what did I want to be when I grew up?” she cautiously asks. 

Jack is starting to triangulate his glances between the two Millers and the approaching mob from over the horizon, in more and more of a panic. But teenage Lucy manages to keep her cool, and answers sincerely. 

“You didn't know,” she states plainly, almost sadly. “You didn't know for a long time and it scared you really bad. Sometimes you couldn't handle the uncertainty of not knowing what you were going to be. Or how you would've turned out.”

The younger version doesn't have much more to add to the sentiment, and doesn't need anymore to get the point across. The older version seems to slump more and her face falls. She knows this is the correct answer, and she knows it holds far more truth than either of the two know. 

She lets a heavy and tired sigh escape, rubbing the space between her eyes for a moment. She eventually steps up to the barrier and swiftly, with staff in one hand, pulls back the fabric and sends it disintegrating into the sky. 

“So maybe you are,” she admits, “but then why on earth are you dragging him around with you?” she resentfully gestures to Jack who imparts nothing more than a small fear riddled smile and a tiny wave. 

“It's a long story but he’s perfectly fine, I promise. And we’ll tell you everything if you just let us hide and maybe get the approaching mob off our backs?”

She annoyingly glances between the two timeline hoppers, “Well what did you think was gonna happen?! You do realize your trotting around with an actual, historical tyrant right? And you think nothing would’ve come of this?”

Jack skeptically raises a finger, “I'm sorry, a historical what now?”

“You stay out of this!”

“Look he’s not a tyrant in our universe, I swear he’s actually kinda pathetic.”

“What the hell?! I am NOT—”

“Jack there's no time!” the teen shouts, the agitation of the crowd growing louder and closer. “Please, we’ll get what we need and be out of your hair in no time. We definitely don't wanna stay in this timeline longer than we need to. Lucy to Lucy, I'm calling in your help to get us back.”

The sorceress analyzes the images of the two through furrowed brows. She can start to see a mass of people begging to crest over the hill. And after another second of deliberation, she chooses. And she angrily sighs and grumbles about her choice and points towards the front door that was left open.

“Don't make me regret doing this. You leave as soon as possible.”

Both Jack and Lucy take her heed, and nearly sprint to the door and find safety behind its faded pink wood. The older Lucy can feel a headache coming on, turning on her heels to follow the anomalies and to shut the door behind her. 

The two of which were catching their breaths in the narrow entryway of the cottage. 

“Now why was she only attacking me here?!” Jack asked in a hushed tone.

“Probably because making trouble is your whole thing! You probably deserved it,” the teen responded. 

The elder Lucy was going to chime in when there was more knocking at the door. She silently motioned with her hand to the two abrupt “guests” to hide further in the house. They at least made it out of sight of the doorway, before the woman straightened herself out and put on the most convincing “totally relaxed and everything is fine” face before opening the door yet again.

She scans the crowd through their cacophonous shouting, as if seeing it for the first time, “Oh wow. I can't say I've had this many visitors at once before.”

“Where is he!?” a random protester in the back yelled out.

“Where's who?”

“Frost! We all saw him skittering through the bypass, WITH YOU!”

“It couldn't be anyone else!”

“Got any explanation for this, Moon Man?!”

The crowd gets antiser and shouting more overlapping questions and accusatory comments at the lone woman. Some more wild and more stupid than others, as their words get caught in the frey. But they're going to have to try harder than that to break her.

“EVERYBODY SHUT UP!”

This manages to cut through the chatter, and the slew of people slowly halt to a profound silence. She waits patiently for everyone to stop before she continues. 

“Yeah but—!”

“Now, I don't know what any of you are talking about, but need I remind you that it is physically impossible for Jack to even be awake? Let alone up and moving anywhere and certainly not getting anywhere outside of his realm. All of that is still incredibly impossible.”

While she is explaining this to the mob, the stowaways are standing with their backs to the wall in the nearby study. Her words and the certainty she says them with, give the both of them a cold shiver down their spines. She says these things so matter of factly, the pair shoot each other nervous and questioning looks as she continues. 

“Illusion spells are a dime a dozen. Not hard to come by and can be casted by anyone, no matter how cruel of a sense of humor they have. And if not, I'm sure this was just a brief occurrence of mass hysteria, what you all saw was probably nothing at all. And I would love to help everyone dissect this, but I'm currently off the clock! So I suggest that those of you who are still concerned should come and see me tomorrow morning. But until then, everyone out!”

She throws a strict finger back to the teleporter entrance. And after a moment of unsure fussing, the herd of magical citizens slowly backs off her front step. She watches the lot of them as they defeatedly march back from whence they came, making sure they all fully exit before she closes the door again.

She leans against it, slightly sliding down the wood, blowing a stray piece of hair up and away from her face. 

She looks down the hallway to see Jack and Lucy popping their heads out from around the doorway. She suddenly becomes more tired again.

“You two, living room. Now,” she snaps and points them to another archway that leads into the designated room. 

After the pair do as she says, they both sit on the sofa. The older Lucy opts to stand and crosses her arms, as if she were a disappointed parent with two misbehaving children.

“Now I need to get one thing clear right off the bat. The most important thing that I need to know you didnt fuck up,” she starts. “Did Killian see you?”

This question throws both of them for a loop. Confusion painted on both their faces as they glanced at each other before turning back to the other Lucy.

“I don't…think so?” Teenage Lucy hesitantly answers. “We certainly haven't seen him at any rate.”

“You think or you know? Because above all else, he cannot see him under any circumstances,” she gestures to Jack for emphasis.

Jack fumbles for a response, “Something here tells me that…maybe that's for a certain reason. Hopefully a Not awful reason!”

The woman just stares back incredulously, the iration slowly and wordlessly morphing into some form of regret. Or bitterness, sorrow, some mix of all of those. So much so that she places her face in her hands and softly groans into her palms. 

“I just…I, GOD, I cant…I just can't believe that you're sitting here. In my goddamn living room, like nothing is wrong. After all these years,” painful distraught carves itself into her features, unable to look at the perpetrator sitting in her home.

“What happened, exactly?” The younger Lucy dares to ask, delicate and precisely worded. “Just how different is this timeline?”

Her elder counterpart flashes a sad look to her, “What year is it, in your time?”

“2015.”

“So what, that would make you…six..seven…eighteen right?”

Teenage Lucy nods, and her older self cheerlessly and softly laughs in response. 

“God, eighteen. I still remember that age. So you’ve had your powers for about a year now?”

She silently nods in affirmation, and watches as her counterpart's eyes drift to Jack again. Her tone sharpens, “And what's his deal? Not a dictator, you said?”

“Glad to report that no such thing has occurred in our time,” Jack tries his best to banter and puts on the usual people pleasing grin. “Although I’m starting to think that it's scarcely the same deal here. And that stuff you said just now about how I somehow can't go anywhere? And that I'm not awake? And how is anything else impossible? Those little facts aren't necessarily putting me at ease here.”

The older Lucy sighs heavily, “I tried not to spend as much time with him as possible, but somehow this amount of blabbing feels very in character for him. From what I remember.”

“Look, I'm really sorry about whatever's happened. And I know he’s sorry too,” the teen glances at Jack for a moment. “But we could really use your help in setting everything right and getting us back to the right timeline. Here.”

She fishes into her pocket and pulls out a brass pocket watch, flipping the cover open to reveal a cracked clock face. Purple time magic swirls around the open case but glitches abnormally in certain areas.

“We were just hoping that you could help fix this. It's been zapping us around all willy nilly and we haven't had the time to try and fix it.”

This ends up grabbing the woman's attention, as the older Lucy pulls up a nearby ottoman and sits across from herself. She inspects the object with narrow eyes and fiddles with some of the magic with a glowing finger. She pokes around the time magic for a bit before looking back up at the teenager. 

“Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do. Somehow the enchantment on this thing got all kinds of tangled and warped. Father Time is the only one that can set it straight again.”

“See! I told you that was the case, didn't I tell you? But you never wanna listen to me!”

“This whole thing is your fault anyway! You were the one messing with his stuff to begin with.”

“In any case, you're going to need to go to him to get it fixed. Discreetly mind you. You can't just be waltzing around like it's nothing.”

“Yeah, what is it with that by the way?” Lucy asks, raising her hand.

“I would also like to know that,” Jack adds. “I mean, it is my life after all. I should know why everyone is out to get me more than usual.”

The older Lucy swallows and looks between the two of them, her heart beating a tiny bit faster. She stays silent for a second more, trying to find the proper words to explain.

“Well, okay um,” she uncertainty starts, “Its—it's such a long story. I mean, I got thrown into this whole thing, a little more than twenty years ago now. But it all kinda started way earlier than that. Around…700 ish years ago I think? From what I’ve been told.”

She seems tired again thinking about it, all of it, everything that's happened. It all seems to weigh on her and press down on her shoulders. It ages her just a bit more.

“Please,” the younger Lucy interjects. “Please explain. Explain why Jack can't just walk around, why that isn't possible.”

It takes the sorceress another longer moment to answer, stealing her resolve and finding all the pieces and the words that will hopefully make this simpler. Retelling her life's story, and the history of the world as she’s always known it is a rather large task.

She inhales and exhales a long and controlled breath, “He can't go anywhere, because the Jack in this universe, the one that I've always known, is in a coma. A never ending nightmare.”

These words in particular stir something Jack. A terrible, awful and completely on the nose assessment that makes his throat close up and turns his blood cold. Lucy’s reaction is much the same, and both sit paralyzed in their seats with their eyes slightly wider. A silent and horrible hunch the both of them have.

The older Lucy launches into her impromptu history lesson. She regales the not-so-strange strangers as you would carry on a eulogy. Skimming some of the more personal details from her one and only first hand account. She goes over the hostile takeover and immediate freezing of the council members, the arrogant and idiodic decisions made by Jack in all his years of absolute power, the near disintegration of magical society. 

The indecision of one lone man who stood amongst the wreckage, and made his own poor choices along the way. The one who got caught in the crossfire. 

“I was twenty when it happened. When we managed to gather the resources and the people we needed to end it all for good. I fought him. I was determined but not strong enough. Killian had to take over.” 

She wistfully looks to an innocuous spot on a far off wall, “He did what he had to. He couldn't kill him, not really. And I can't blame him for that. Sure it might be worse than being dead, but I really don't know if he could have carried that death on his shoulders. Not that one at any rate.”

She chuckles a bit at the next thought that crosses her mind, “He’s the one that taught me everything I knew. Truely, I owe him my life.”

Both Lucy’s look at Jack who is hanging to every word attached to Killians name. Somehow more pale than when she started, his eyes are locked onto the older Lucy as if his life depend on it. Horror like no other sunken into his features, his eyes glossed over with insurmountable dread. 

“How is he? Now, I mean. So many years later?” He asks very quietly, as if the question would somehow scare her off and he would never know the answer. 

“He’s doing well,” she responds. “Just finished his twenty year sentence, out on parole, doing his job.”

This answer doesn't seem to relieve him by any standard. His gaze is off somewhere far away, mulling over the version of the story he just received. Where he was somehow a much worse partner than he was in his own time. Regret and guilt for the things he himself never really did clawed up his throat, trying to fill his head with desperation.

“Do you know where he is?”

This question, out of all the others, hardens the woman's facade yet again, her line of sight lasered back onto him in a less than friendly way.

“Dont.”

“Please.”

“I'm serious. Don't even think about it.”

“Just five minutes!” Jack abruptly stands up from his seat, “I have to say something!”

“No, you don't!” The older Lucy stands up as well to intimidate him away from the idea. “You stay the hell away from him!”

“He just wants to help,” the teenage Lucy also stands up to match the other two. “Everything has worked out way better in our timeline. His heart is in the right place.”

“I have to tell him I'm sorry.”

“I can't let you do that.”

“Why not!?”

“Because you ruined his life!”

Her shout immediately silences both parties. The cold hard fact of the matter lingering in the air and preventing anyone else from speaking, the concept takes up all the available air space. Jack and Lucy take on a look of reverence.

The older Lucy retracts her claws for the time being, and lets the heavy lull drape over them for another moment longer. Eventually finding the courage to further explain.

“You ruined…everyone's lives,” she nearly whispers. “Everything might have turned out differently in your universe, but it just isn't the same for mine. 

He was a broken man when I found him. When he found me, or however the hell that works. 

But our circumstances are too different. Maybe what you have to say will help, maybe it'll bring closure. And maybe it could also make things much worse. And that's not a risk I can take on his behalf.”

Her eyes start to gloss over with a thin watery sheen as she all but pleads with them, “He’s finally happy. He’s worked too hard, and he’s come too far. And if you care as much as you seem to, then you should know why I can't let you potentially set him back again. Do you understand?”

The teenage Lucy quickly darts between her counterpart and Jack, her magic vision active and seeing the greater picture. A picture painted with loss and grief, pain and protection, a melancholy separation, a delicate need to salvage something beyond repair. From both ends. 

But Jack is the one to fold first, and exhales to relieve his posture slightly; turning his line of sight briefly away from the woman and smoothing back his hair. 

“Yeah no, I—I get it,” he punctuates his sentences with small audible breaths. “I'm sorry, you're the expert here. We just need to get our watch fixed and then we can leave.”

The softness returns to the older woman's features, her eyes still slick with unshed tears. She looks hopeful for a moment.

“Is he happy…in your timeline?”

Jack barely perks up at the question and answers without hesitation, “He is. I make sure of it.”

The older Lucy gives him a single nod, “Good. Then I will help you.” 

When she abruptly leaves to retrieve something from a different room, Lucy gives Jack a reassuring hand on the shoulder. They’re both finding little room to properly breathe. 

Returning, she holds out two metal bands to the guests. Simple metal bracelets that hold a single very small crystal in the center, clear as glass.

“You're both very lucky that I decided to keep a few invisibility enchantments. I really wasnt supposed to with the project they were attached to, but so far no one has seemed to notice the missing pieces.” She watches the both of them take their respective objects in their own hands. “These should help you make it to Father Times tower unnoticed.”

A ghost of a smile threatened to cross her face, almost in amusement, “And go straight there and nowhere else. Who knows what kind of damage this has already caused to the timeline.”

Jack Lucy both give their thank yous as they were shown to the door again. The older Lucy lets Jack go first and waits until he’s sufficiently far enough away to keep her younger self back for a moment.

“Lucy?” she asks.

“Yeah?”

The woman gently takes her by the shoulders and gives the ice spirit another cursory look, “Are you sure, that everything is alright with him in your universe? You are without a shadow of a doubt that you can trust him?”

The younger Lucy needs no time to think, “Definitely.” She grins more to herself than to her counterpart, “He’s not perfect by any stretch…really not perfect. But he tries. He tries really hard all the time and he’s been…a good friend so far. Better than I thought he would be.”

The two Lucy’s shift to be holding eachothers hands, wherein the older woman can feel the faint and constant shiver of the young girl's hands and fingers, “Something wrong?”

“Oh no. It's a really long story. A medical condition.” She snickers, “Actually it's kind of the reason why I trust him. A year ago he was willing to sacrifice pretty much everything when this happened,” she gently lifts her trembling hands for emphasis. “He’s like my Killian. I owe him…my life.”

The older woman takes the teens hands and squeezes them tighter. Her face gives her the first warm and almost motherly smile she’s seen out of her this entire time. It's radiant and the age only seems to make it glow more. Lucy has a passing thought about how well she’s going to age in the future. 

“I'm glad,” she says, “I'm glad that you get to have that at such a tender age. I'm glad that your world has allowed that to happen for you. As I've always been one to say, everyone needs a disgruntled old man to attach themselves to.”

Both Lucy’s snort at the same time and chuckle at the notion.

“Hey!”

The Lucy’s jump in perfect unison at the sudden intrusion of Jack’s voice. He takes off the enchanted band and comes back into clarity right in front of them.

“Comments about age are rude, ya know. I know you guys are having a moment here, but I'd rather get the watch fixed as soon as possible. This is definitely not the best alternate timeline I've been in. One out of Five stars, would NOT recommend.”

“Exactly,” the older woman added. “The both of you should be going.”

She shuffles the both of them off her front step and watches as they fall into, what she can only assume to be, their usual strides. Their usual places standing next to one another as they leave.

She uses her own gifted sight to see the truth of the matter.

His core and her aura sending out wavelengths to one another. When one goes up the other goes down, one goes right the other goes left. A spot of cold amidst the warm sun, and a tiny flame in barren arctic. 

It baffles her how much it makes sense, and spurs her on to give them one last message.

“Take care of eachother!” she shouts after them.

“We will!” Lucy enthusiastically waves after her older self, before putting on the bracelet and disappearing from view. 

“No we won't!” Jack interjects at the last minute, disappearing as well. 

Instead of going back inside, Lucy instead opts to sit on her front doorstep; taking a seat on the cold stone and perching her chin under her hand.

She knows, she knows that Killian is probably gonna get word of the “mass hysteria” sooner or later. He's gonna come charging into her home raving about, “Have you heard this bullshit?!” and she’s gonna have to talk him down and tell him that it's nothing to worry about.

She closes her eyes and smiles at the thought, content in the idea of the strange ways in which the universe works. The idea of them needing each other, in a similar way to how she herself has found such a connection.

It's rather nice and a comfort for her to know that some things can stay consistent throughout time. 

In the most important way possible.

[haleviyah]

What do you think of The Passion of the Christ as a movie?

Forgive me if I dive into my inner filmography geek here but I just came back from hearing a recent interview of Jim Caviezel covering his next film coming out in July, and I have to give my two cents:

Looking back as a pre-grad film student I'll give a list:

What I like:

Authenticity

If there is anything Mel is good at is the factor of authenticity in a film. Every film from "The Patriot" to "Apocalypto" he does his homework, which I will give credit for. Not a lot of directors do that these days - they rather insert social norms or social justice where they don't belong for money and cheating the audience out of learning a real life lesson.

2. Cinematography

I'll be honest the cinematography did a great job with shots and color schemes to set the mood fairly well. Despite the fact these guys had to redo SO MANY scenes due to threat of an "NC-17" rating, it was done well even though there are some hiccups here and there in the editing. That shows the crew did alright under pressure, not perfect but alright.

3. Cultural emphasis

Despite the film didn't nail it quite yet because of religious doctrine, the film did emphasize the fact that "this is a different time, different language, and different zeitgeist". ; nothing the modern church can interpret via doctrines and solely pulpit even if it tried.

4. Wardrobe

You can tell these guys took some notes from "Gladiator" because - Damn, they nailed the costumes pretty good!

Now for what I'd rebuke the team for:

This is where Jim and I are going to bonk heads a bit, and you know what that's okay. Different perspectives are the spice of life... Mel on the other hand... someone might come out with a concussion... might.

Anti-semitism

Not to be fair here, despite the arguments that the film isn't anti-semitic keep in mind the Jews portrayed in the film aside from Yeshua and his network were not given the time of day to explain themselves and were expressed in almost "cartoonish" dimensions (I blame both doctrines and editing for that).

The Pharisees and Sadducees as always portrayed as bitter and harshly divided because of "Yeshua breathing air". Personally, as someone who has studied the First Century Judaic culture, that is far from the truth! According to historical records (and my handy-dandy Ashkenazi study book - its a wedding gift) Pharisees were every communal, philanthropists, and open, whereas Sadducees were very busy-body but politics breathing down their neck. Both sects had the best intentions at heart but stress was no stranger and stumbling was not a sin but rather growth.

It's also against Leviticus 19 for Jews to hate each other. Even if you have staunch opinions politically, socially or even religiously speaking or even if you are an American Jew or an Israeli Jew, wishing ill upon your fellow Jew is beyond inexcusable.

So to say that Sadducees and Pharisees hated the Rebbe of Nazareth would be a grossly absurd misinterpretation. I vowed to not give too much info, but the best way I can interpret it was their worry for Yehoshua's well-being in those last moments bled into frustration over his stubbornness getting the better of him before he died. The actual turn of events is still hard for me to stomach so I'll just move on...

2. Yeshua's Arc

Before you choke me, I understand this is his last 24 hours and we only see a "itty-bitty-bit" of his life as it's flashing before his eyes. I get that! On the contrary, it's obvious that the character design of Yeshua is conflicting with himself: the church version of him vs. the historical Rebbe. I understand Mel is trying to be authentic, but him trying to tie the religious Jesus to R. Yehoshua Bar Yosef of Nazareth is like giving an amputee a prosthetic arm donated from marble statue. It's not going to work and both the person and the statue are going to irreparable to everyone's horror. I suppose the word I'm looking for is "Identity crisis". Not between Yeshua choosing integrity over selfishness, but rather Christian Jesus vs. Jewish Yehoshua... There were moments where I was struggling to understand who had the spotlight in Mel's eyes: the icon or the person.

Yes, the film expressed his loving and compassionate side enough and I appreciate that, but if we saw more of that inner combat he was dealing with (which would have worked swell represented by the Pharisees trying to look out for him, telling him 'you don't have to do this') it would have executed that relatable inner-battle better.

(I once again, blame editing and lack of resources...)

3. Side Characters.

There were some side characters that were not there historically speaking such as Veronica. Knowing the Jewish community if there is anything they are "anal" about its keeping track of everyone. This practice later became known as "taglit" which was a procedure done by tracing family documents to ensure if someone was truly Jewish or not, and to ensure if they had family they could reconnect with. We see a demonstration of "taglit" in the book of Matthew where he explains Yehoshua's genealogy. However, this was 2002 - 2004 and the Jewish community were not going to share whatever with some Aussie Catholic who is notorious for his temper. So I'll cut a little slack there (hell, it took me a while to crack the shell). Regardless of the grey area here, it comes off bit hypocritical to insert Catholic icons who probably never existed/folk legends (like the Lady of Guadalupe) when the director's philosophy is literally "authenticity".

In short TL;DR:

The film is groundbreaking in one or two ways, however I believe that was the peak of Christian/Catholic cinema. There is nothing the West can produce that will top it ever even if it divorced religion and try to understand Jewish culture in a very "Scott bros" fashion. Hell, the film PoC has been followed poorly by "The Bible Series" and "The Chosen"; both series' made it their obligated mission to try and beat the film at its own game or make it more Christian to appeal the audience without - again - JEWISH INPUT.

I watched the film PoC when I was 16, and sure it shook me a bit for newbie to the Christian faith, but now I am mature a decade later it doesn't hit me hard as much. I'll be honest my mind travels to what I have learned rather than what the film is telling me, none of which is bad. I just see it as two different movements in a music piece - PoC was the heroic overture and I am now at the somber ballad - different keys, different time signature but two sides of the same story.

To wrap it up I will end it with this: It's weird and sobering when you hear a man twice your age speak in the same language like you did during your comeuppance decade ago. I still debate wether it's a good or bad thing to see the youth beat the elder to the punchline...

[despondent-beauty]

Yeah, this is fucked up to me. We have numerous documented cases of Israel breaking the Geneva Convention, murdering civilians on purpose, even murdering charity workers, killing babies, etc., and people still want to 'both sides' this issue.

When you compare pro-something to pro-'opposite' you are implying that you see the consequences of both views as relatively equivalent. You can't portray both views as equally normal if one has far more significant/permanent/whatever impacts than the other. Being pro-capital punishment is not on the same level of consequences as being pro-abolishment, for instance, so it's unfair to say that being on one side is 'as extreme' as being on the other.

The problem is that this newspaper article is pretending that the 'right' place to be is balanced between the two opinions. But that balance isn't where they think it is -- being pro-Israel means you support the killing of 33k civilians. There's no way to defend that: that is genocide. Being pro-Palestine means that you support those 33k civilians NOT dying. Sure, there are other, more significant views, but the principle remains the same. Comparing 'murder is okay' to 'murder is not okay' and saying that there's a measured opinion in the middle -- a mix of both -- assumed that both opinions are equally extreme.

THEY'RE NOT EQUALLY EXTREME SO A BALANCED OPINION IS NOT LITERALLY THE AVERAGE OF THE TWO OPINIONS JESUS CHRIST. It's literally mathematically like saying 'I have two equally difficult tests for two different classes on this day. The first test is worth 75% of my grade in my first class. The second test is worth 15% of my grade in my second class. Therefore, I should spend 50% of my time studying for each test.'

WRONG! The first test is way more important, so the balance is skewed WAY harder toward that. It's not just split evenly. Now about this:

'I want to be at 0.5, or perfectly balanced on an opinion scale. Option A is 'killing people is okay,' and it has a severity/permanence rating of 500. Option B is 'killing people is not okay,' and it has a severity/permanence rating of 3.'

In order to arrive at a score of 0.5, or a balance in terms of severity, you don't just go 'I'll halfway agree with option A and option B!' because that would get you 0.5 × 500 + 0.5 × 3 = 251.5, which is NOT a balanced severity rating. That's weighted HEAVILY toward option A in terms of how severe/permanent/consequential your opinion is. (Agreeing even a little bit that it's occasionally okay to kill someone is much more severe in terms of direct consequences than saying that it's never okay, basically.)

Instead, the 'balanced' opinion would be whatever opinion makes it so that 3x = 500(1 - x), or the amount you agree with each side multiplied by the weight of each side leads to the same adjusted opinion consequence score. In this case, you should agree 99.4% with 'killing is never okay' and 0.6% with 'killing is sometimes okay' if you want to profess to have a balanced opinion between the two. The 'balanced opinion area' isn't linearly halfway between opinion A and opinion B. It's dragged to one side or the other based on the consequences of fully agreeing with opinion A and opinion B. To view them as equivalent and to claim that a balanced opinion is one that falls at 0.5 × A and 0.5 × B is to ignore that believing A over B doesn't have equivalent implications to B > A. Like believing that the sun will explode in ten years does not have equivalent implications to believing that the sun will last for 5 billion years because one impacts your behavior significantly and the other does not.

And yes, how you assign weight to these opinions is entirely subjective. There's no objective way to measure 'consequence' factor or 'severity.' But the measurement still exists regardless, so to claim that in order to be balanced between genocide or no genocide you have to say 'well, a little genocide is okay' is fucking asinine because it means that you have to believe that 'no genocide' is equally valuable/impactful as 'yes genocide.'

Having a measured opinion is good, but most people think that entails being linearly (0.5A, 0.5B) in the middle between two options when IT DOES NOT. That's why we fucking hate both-siders.

What the fuck.

genuinely think i might stop reading the news entirely. this is so dire