#okay I’ll stop I need to sleep
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The mule? More like clowndation and emp- [gets mind melted]
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you have to walk around at work for six hours hours but you also have to do homework but you also have to cook yourself dinner but you also have to study for the LSAT but you also have to apply for another job but you also have to go to the gym but you also have to clean the house but you also have to take care of yourself but you—
#please i can’t do this. it’s the second day of the semester.#it’s fine. it’s fine. i’m just going to cut down on things where i can. like i’m gonna stop going into work for as long as i did today.#my body can’t handle it and it just leaves me exhausted#i’m not going to get another job until the end of the semester. i’m going to pick up food from a restaurant.#im only going to do 30 minutes of studying tops#and i’ll figure it out from there#it’s just a lot rn and i haven’t been sleeping well so it’s extra overwhelming#anyway it’s fine i just needed to shout into the void#okay. going to pick up dinner now.
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Drumroll please…
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2024 DAVID!!!!! ♥️♥️♥️💞💞💞
Womp womp…
HAS IT REALLY BEEN THAT LONG??? 😭😭 NOO STOPPP
Welp, here’s David’s 2024 redraw, I’ve been drawing him for 7 years, and I’ve stayed the same ever since
I feel like I tried too hard on this one 😭 like compared to my old Davids, I barely put any effort into them lmaoo 😭
BUT HERE’S DAVID THROUGHOUT THE YEARS!! 😎
IT’S BEEN SUCH A YEAR AAAAA 😭😭
Having been on hiatus last year but now coming back online, and starting to animate again, is so crazy 😩
Again, I’ve met some AMAZING people this year, and I hope we all can make it to another year ♥️
2025 here we come 😎
But if I were to draw this entire year in one picture
It would be me dying.
I’m so burnt, I need a nap. 🪦
But WAITT, OH WAIT- MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION-
Uhh
- Make some more animatics/animations (wooo)
- Actually write the Book of Saul
- Drinking water
- Buy a cardboard cutout of Saul
- Work on fixing my commission page/prices (I still haven’t done that, ugh, but imma open my commissions back up again once I do 👀)
- Make a David and Jonathan shrine (THINKIN ABOUT IT… since I have so much Jonavid merch now 😭 I already have my David shrine, but ig I gotta expand it)
- And um, read more
Happy New Years 🔥
#sorry#this post is so chaotic 😭#i’m tired i wanna sleep#ALSO I LIED-#i’ll post the fanfic tomorrow instead cause i’m burnt#new release date: 1/1/25#okay im driving myself insane i need to stop blabbering#HAPPY NEW YEAR#2025#bible fandom#king david#book of samuel#art improvement#yearly redraw#tanakh#david and jonathan#king saul#artwork#daveyart
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hello i just wanted to send you an ask bc even though i freak out in ur tags daily i still feel like im not conveying the depth of my appreciation for ur work. i scroll through ur blog and go insane in my head frequently. in a positive sense. your art is delicious and your brain is huge. also is elmtwig a hc last name or is it canon?
AHHH THABK YOUUU.💖💖💖💖 and elmtwig is canon!!!
bestowing upon thee this one thing they posted on twitter sometime last year i think, in which they drop a bunch of in-universe book titles…
PEEP THE LAST NAMES!!!!! I’m extremely normal about their last name being elmtwig btw. I definitely have not overanalyzed the symbolism here to hell and back (lie) (im also extremely normal about aristotle and arthur writing a book together btw I HATE THEM SO BADDDDD i love them. goodbye)
#checking the mail#did u know that apparently elms can symbolize melancholy and death because their branches can drop at random#and without warning#ERRM HASHTAG NORMAL!!!! IM NORMAL ABOUT THAT!!!!!!#i have a comic idea where id love to use that as a core motif? but i think its a comic better left for post-release ;)#i also used that specific symbolism in december ‘04 if anyone noticed that!!! TEEHEE#i have more but i’ll spare you. im normal#NEVER give the guy who loves plant symbolism a CANON plant to use for symbolism#also chat can i just. elm . elmtwig elm WOOD. yknow whos made of wood#FANTOCCIO. CHECKMATE I WIN. ELMTWIG SIBLINGS FOR LIFERS#OKAY SORRY ILL STOP BEING AUTISTIC IN THE TAGS I NEED TO SLEEP BYE
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Day 21 of pt doodles day 13 of cringetober today was genderbend …. W… Wife…. My wife….
Wife…… Wife……. Wife…… Wife……… I was talking about Franklin in a cmmt section on tiktok once and someone said “he’s all yours bro u can have him 😭🙏” and I think abt that a lot . It was very funny but also Where are the Franklin fans … this so sad… my beautiful girl needs more fans
#phantom troupe doodles every day#cringetober 2024#transfem Franklin#aaahhjkkhegwheh my bones#I need to sleep good night pt nationnnnn#sigh I love Franklin she’s so pretty#wait…… they don’t love you like I love you Franklin 🤚#okay I’ll stop I’m so tired gnnn
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Does anyone else get REALLY overwhelmed really fast when someone starts talking to you with your headphones on?
#ryders rambles#my mom keeps doing this thing#where she just starts talking conversationally to me when I have my headphones on and I have to ask her to repeat and then she#and it’s like I’m doing a thing right now please I’m in the middle of it I’m not stopping mid song to listen to this it will explode my#brain#and then she’ll sometimes tell me somthing important with them on and she’ll have me stop to listen real quick#and then when she’s done I’ll put them back on and she’ll watch me with her eyeballs and she’ll then remember somthing Else n just start#talking to me WITH THE HEADPHONES ON STILL#and I’m like?????#I Need people to understand if I’m wearing my headphones that means leave me alone Im not In the human beings mood#like I can’t be conversational all the time especially not with the women who traumatized me as child#slight vent#small vent#vent in tags#neurodivergent things#adhd#okay this feels like a trait of autism#but I’m not tagging it as such because I have no idea if I’m autistic or not so whatever#mental caboodle tag#4am#Ren Go to Sleep
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Dear you,
I’ll always be a little bit in love with you. You’ll never be in love with me the same way I love you. I hate that I’m ok with that. I’d rather love you like this and hurt at night than tell. I’d rather know you’ll never look at me the same way but will still look at me in a way that counts. I’ll forever want to hold you and squeeze you into my heart until there’s no room left for anything else but you’re not mine. You’re my best friend, my other half, I’d share my soul with you if you asked. I’d sink my teeth in so deep they’d need to use surgery to make me let you go but I won’t. Why’d I fall in love with my best friend. Am I actually in love with you? Or do I adore you too much as my friend. Do I cherish you too much that I mistake whatever this is for love. We laugh and say we’ll live together. We discuss the little things. We both know I would hold and touch you constantly if you let me. We discuss stupid things like what our combined religions and traditions would look like if we had kids. But you’ll never be attracted to me. You never will. You say over and over oh no I could never. We talk about our what ifs and then you crush me with your reality. A random person miles and miles away has more hold on the romance in your heart than I ever will. And I’m ok. I will be ok. I will hold my title close and wrap it in wire and chain and never let it go. Best friend best friend best friend forevermore. That title in your mind and heart and soul will be mine. My greedy hands will never let that go. Love me as much as you are allowed to. It’s enough.
Love,
Me
#im dying#heartache#best friends#why am i like this#unrequited feelings#love#bad poetry#i need this to stop#I’m crying at 2 am#wlw yearning#why did god have to make her so perfect and then crush my soul by making it so I can’t be beside her#my heart hurts#teeth#we talked about kids once as if we would actually have them#she hurts me in the worst ways possible#I love her#i’ll be okay#I’ll sleep on it#i cried for like an hour#my mascara is ruined#I’m going to hate myself in the morning#I hate my life#Cupid is an asshole#I want to bite her#bite her until you can only see me on her#yet every time I see her I ask before I hug her#I ask every time#I think I’ve written all my feelings out#I’ll be empty#that’s good
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love being wide awake at 2am on a school night. good news is i’m almost done with tllr chapter 15
#feeling super inspired#like wooow wow#cannot express how inspired and motivated i feel rn#i wrote soo much#i’m having so sooooo many thoughts. i bet you’ll never guess who it’s about#it’s anton yeah#if i start talking i won’t shut up so i should probably sleep. or keep writing actually#i am a creature of the night after all#wyrms says stuff#anton oc#dreams are crazy one day i’ll be like all normal and the next i’ll be thinking so much about anton and vampires and anton being a vampire#and me being his thrall#normal stuff yk. normal people thoughts obviously#hey okay but if i actually was vampire anton’s thrall he would sooo help me sleep tonight#and like anton reminds me soo much of alexander. yes i’ve read ahead okay#i need to stop talking holy shit my brain#my brain has the zoomies tonight after binging that series#brain zoomies. vampire anton can u hypnotize me pls can u enthrall me i need to sleeep
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sleep???
nah.
sorting my frimages??
much better use of my time.
#bc hello#didn’t we know that sleep isn’t real??#it’s fine#everything is fine#i don’t need sleep#i thrive on caffeine spite and adderall#is that existence or subsistence??#anywho#kthxbye i’ll be here#sorting my void worthy frimages#just gonna stare at frimages all night it’s okay#frnkiebby#frank iero#mcr#mcrmy#frnkiebby saying words that may not word#brain.exe has stopped working#oh shit i gotta queue
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okay I’m going insane I need to fix my sleep schedule now
#I cannot keep getting up at/after midday this is driving me crazy#SO. I’m gonna not do ice hockey for a little bit until I can get myself normal#I want to step away from ice hockey anyway bc the new committee are being annoying and I need them to stop making me do things#tonight I will go to bed at midnight. and I will stop everything to get ready for bed by 10 bc I need that time#and tomorrow I’m setting my alarm for 7:30#I’m going to have mornings again if it kills me bc this is making me feel like shit now#will also mean hopefully I’m less stressed about work and can schedule stuff with my friends bc oh my god everything has been a nightmare#this week. and it’s only Tuesday what the fuck#also going to make a sleep tracker again bc that worked in February#and I’m setting library times for weekdays as 9:30-12 and 2-5 because getting there is the problem and I normally stay longer once I’m ther#and that worked for exams AND there’s just less work to do now so if I can keep on top of it everything should be fine#just have to actually do it#like right now I rlly need to go get writing bc I need to figure out some title options and that needs to be done by tomorrow afternoon#otherwise there won’t be time to get feedback from my supervisor before the deadline#so while today might be a bit of a lost cause bc I need to shower go to the shop and cook which takes most of the free working time#I can do something and if I can make tomorrow morning work I’ll have enough time#I’m okay with having periodic getting my shit together days as long as I do use them to get my shit together#now pls. get your shit together <3#luke.txt
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i couldn’t even comprehend what longing was before i met you.
#personal#and now i can’t even breathe without thinking about the way you used to laugh#i wish i could rewind time so i got to experience having you all over again#i think i’ll miss you for the rest of my life#that’s okay. missing you means it was real#it’s too late i need to sleep#i don’t know if you read these anymore but on the very slight chance that you do#i hope you have had a soft day#i’ll stop posting abt this now. i just needed it out from under my skin and under my bones#goodnight
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*closes 13 tabs on astrology and greek mythology*
ES Ch.5… is now complete.
#Everything Stays#writing stuff#Seven’s Celestial Commentary#there were 30 tabs in total by the time i was done doing all my research for this chapter but the other 17 weren’t astrology related#they’re full of name definitions and foods and children’s books and FNaF wiki pages#but yes! more time than i’d like and 13k+ words later… the chapter feels ready to go#gotta give it one final editing sweep and draft it up on Ao3 but it’ll be ready in time for the fic’s anniversary!!! which was my goal#exciting news for the few of you who out there that maybe hopefully haven’t given up on this story in spite of yet another long hiatus#(full transparency: this post and the following tags were drafted a few days ago and then i. never posted it.)#***the Preceding tags not the following tags#(so! take this as your official announcement that ES Ch.5 is now live on Ao3! i did it!! i posted it on the anniversary!!!)#(with one entire hour to spare CST! wow look at me go)#(no honestly i’m very disappointed in myself that my time management failed me once again. bc i wanted the chapter to go up at 7pm not 11pm#and i wanted to have the Edit Log and Appearance Reference Sheet posted here already so i could link them.#but it’s okay we live and we learn and one day i’ll learn to start working on things further in advance to give myself more time#and honestly extra stuff aside the chapter would’ve at least gone up at an earlier hour#had the curse of being an Ao3 author not befallen me at 5pm by thrusting a fucking family emergency into my day#like everyone’s okay it’s all fine now but jesus christ what kinda timing. the ONE DAY THAT THE FIC’S ANNIVERSARY FALLS ON#and somehow it ends up involving four police cars :)#but that was not gonna fucking stop me from posting this chapter today. nothing could! i may be unreliable and inconsistent#but i wouldn’t be able to rest knowing that i missed this fucking anniversary#anyways. tempted as i am i Will Not overshare but i’ll reiterate that everything’s fine now! and Ch.5 is up so i’m going to sleep#will re-review the chapter and make any little edits tomorrow that my tired brain didn’t catch tonight. there’s always a few that slip by#okay that’s all from Present Day Seven goodnight i am very tired pls go read Everything Stays i will love you forever and even kiss you#if you want. or we’ll actually maybe don’t read it yet maybe gimme a few days to review it and catch any more edits that need making#***well not we’ll. i hate mobile tags
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Can’t tell if I’m so anxious because of drug withdrawal or it’s just because I have a bad brain 😓
#I took buspar for about 4 nights then had to stop because it put me on edge#first night without it and I’m hit with the same feelings again#just sad and hopeless and my nerves feel sick#I had thought there wasn’t supposed to be any real withdrawal from that stuff#so maybe this is just me being sad#quick rant: I feel so hopless and alone and scared#it’s 4:30am and I know there’s nothing I can do right now about it so I should just chill out#brains suck#just go to sleep!#I have my first therapy session tomorrow/today so we’ll see#and I’m realizing now I really need to bite the bullet and apply to some jobs#any jobs. even if I’m afraid my hearing will go out and I’ll fuck up working#I NEED to get out of this house more. I NEED money. I NEED some hope for a future.#I want moneyyyy so I can go out to eat and take my brothers to the movies and help my mother with bills#I can’t just stay awake all night suffering. I need to be productive.#ian I swear you will feel so much better with a purpose#even if that purpose is just to work a register for a few hours a day#it’ll be okay#we can do this. we’ll talk to the therapist tomorrow. we’ll call our doc and bitch about our meds. we’ll apply for jobs#we’ll shower and eat and go out in the sun and it’ll be okay#baby steps baby#get a job. get money. buy a burger. find someone to kiss once or twice.#I can do this#I feel everything falling apart and fading away and I have to fight that#I’m fighting it now just verbalizing this and it’s helping#it’ll be okay ian!#life can still be beautiful!#you’re afraid of losing everything well then fucking grab it hold it do what you can#I’m so fucking scared but I have to try#text
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I started watching Suits today and have been playing the sims nonstop and have been reading nothing but fanfiction about gay firefighters and articles about how the CIA started a domino effect that created al qaeda and the taliban so yes I’m doing super well mentally
#I’m honestly like doing okay in a lot of aspects like I feel like I’m taking steps towards having a life I enjoy#but taking small steps over a long period of time gets so exhausting#and I keep saying ‘I just need to keep going and keep trying to add things into my life that bring me joy and then life will be better’#but it’s taking so fucking long and I’m tired of the ‘just keep going’ part and wanna get to the ‘every waking moment isnt a nightmare’ part#like can that happen now please#and I keep getting too cocky and thinking I’m there and universe does its best to push me down and put me in my place#I have a great day with a new friend at a beautiful location? cool but ur gonna be in such bad pain u can’t stand for at least 3 days after#i go out to eat with my family? sick but ur gonna get nauseous no matter what u eat and ur gonna be so exhausted ur gonna sleep for 2 days#and it’s just never gonna end is it? bc that’s the chronic part of chronic illness#this is the life I’ll be subjected to until the day I die#anyways not even my deep mental anguish can stop me from obsessively reading about the Soviet-Afghan war#and the main guy of suits is such a pathetic babygirl and I’m obsessed with him#and my sims are about to graduate college#and I’ve been writing and I made new friends and was invited to an event with them and am going to a dance party in a week#and I’m trying really hard to remember that things aren’t always awful
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all I need is to have my back blown out by mr don lorenzo and mr oliver aiku and I’ll be okay
#venus speaks 🗣#sendou could join in too but he could also jerk off in the corner and watch#I know he’s into that#but man being in between lorenzo and oliver 😮💨#that room will REEK of sex but it’ll be worth it 🥰#okay I’ll stop now bc I need to sleep
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Chronic pain really got me going to bed before it’s even dark out (also my little pink unicorn lights Millie got me look so cool in the second pic)
#my back and shoulder are killing me and I’ve done nothing but smoke weed and stretch and I just hurt so bad#so I’m gonna go to bed and hopefully feel better tomorrow#I work at nine again tomorrow so if anything hopefully going to bed early helps that#I’m excited to sleep hopefully a lot and hopefully really well bc 1) weed. 2) took sleepy cough meds to try and mooch extra pain reliever#out of meds in my cabinet. 3) took a back and muscle pain Aleve (even tho I hate taking pills and it took me like three whole min to get it#down my fucking throat. 4) tired from actually using my brain and anxiety from work tired#5) period tired and chronic pain tired#like guys my brain and my body are both exhausted and the idea of getting up tomorrow and doing any of it again makes me miserable and I did#nothing but sit at a computer for three and a half hours that’s itttttt#like doing two week road-trip then non stop either emotional or physical shit every day until my first day at work#like I’m already setting myself up for this to be the summer of the grind#gonna make a bunch of money (and spend too much and blame it on the summer time and needing a little treat every time I venture out into the#heat or work a day or do anything at all) and then save a bunch all fall winter spring and once it gets colder and I feel like I can handle#my job more I want to focus on how to make moving out happen. like I need to figure out if maybe there’s somewhere I want to live that has#an Office Depot I could transfer to cause office depots are everywhere and maybe that’s an added way for me to figure out where I want to#move#hmmm okay I’m gonna lay in bed on google maps looking at Office Depot locations in New England and I’m just gonna daydream and try to fall#asleep and I’ll look at / add to my Pinterest board of house and apartment inspo#going to think about the future because I want to live !!!!#anyways yeah this is the summer of being miserable and spending all my money on bullshit and daydreaming and disappointing my mother#and also the summer of my weed tolerance doubling forever until I’m back to smoking constantly to the point where I’m making myself sick and#then I’ll get sick of smoking weed for a bit and that’ll lead me into saving money again#or force me into a tolerance break where I stop buying weed#either way I’m going to smoke all summer it’s gonna be weed and sweat and fresh fruit and laying in my room during all of my days off and it#it’s gonna suck and I’m gonna be thinking about my dad the whole time and it’ll be depressing and isolating and lonely and I’ll come out of#the summer recentered and motivated towards big goals again like I always am#and then I’ll crash and burn next spring as always. cycles continue forever thank u seasonal depression.#I want to grow up and mature in the ways I deal with myself my health and advocating for my mental health I feel like I need to grow up a#bit so I hope I do that and it feels good. I hope I make friends and I can daydream about the future every night and my room will smell like#weed and incense and sweat and love and tears and it will be incredible
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