#okay I honest to God hate this aesthetic but I need these pointe shoes with sneakers pictures

[sunel0]

Human!Fem!Steo ballerina & skater girl AU for @steoevents SteoDay

Theo has spent her whole life trying to be the perfect daughter her parents wanted, a little copy of her perfect sister, both the exact images of their mother's unfulfilled dream in their pointe shoes and with their hair always in buns.

Except it's kind of hard to follow the example of a person who died being two years younger than Theo was now.

Theo's not Tara. She hates ballet. She hates her parents who are so rich they think they can just make their daughters into some dolls under glass to show off. And after being told that she's too short for the role again, already feeling her parents' silent judgement awaiting her at home, she's done. She's done with ballet, with pretending to be what she's not, with trying to please, with trying to keep up with her dead sister, the still image of her.

She walks out and away without even changing her clothes or shoes or picking up her bag. She wants to punch something, shave her hair, get a tattoo, pierce her eyebrow and never ever again lift her leg over her head with her hands and arms in the perfect bird-like imitation of made up image of ideal femininity. She rips her hair ties and pins out, throwing them to the ground, but her hair's so used to staying in a bun it barely moves at all.

Theo hates this.

She is not like that, and she has never been like that, and she will never be like that.

She's heard that one of the girls in her school went to boxing. The only person Theo had ever envied more was Tara who managed to get out.

Theo finds herself in a skate park. She's never been here before.

It's kind of late, so there's only one person there, a girl on her skateboard, looking at Theo curiously.

Theo points at the skateboard. "Can I try?"

The girl stands down and pushes the board toward Theo.

It's trickier than she's thought, and even more so in pointe shoes. Theo falls almost immediately, scraping her hand, and then just sits there, looking at the scratches and blood slowly forming little beads.

She's not allowed to have these, not on her palms, where everyone can see.

She grins happily up at the girl that rushes over to help.

"I want to try again."

"You sure?" she asks as Theo stands up, wiping her hand on her white thighs, smearing red over black dirt already there from her fall, ruining them. "I'm Stiles by the way."

Theo almost rips off the ribbons covering her ankles and throws the shoes away. Her feet haven't felt anything since she was eight anyway.

Evening sun illuminates Stiles's eyes making them look like honey. Theo gets on the board.

"I'm Theo."

Next time she falls, Stiles catches her and laughs.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

addiction, m | myg, ksj | 3

pairing(s): yoongi x reader, seokjin x reader, ??? x reader

summary: Min Yoongi is falling hard, but he’s not making much progress. Kim Seokjin is lovable is a weird way. Jeon Jungkook makes bad choices and we try to keep him alive, until he’s too intuitive that is.

warnings: non-idol!AU; in which everyone makes bad choices; slow burn; rated M (18+) for language, mentions of drug and alcohol use, mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts

--

When Yoongi heard her door open, his head whipped around from the kitchen. He had been in the middle of cutting some green onions. She emerged from her room like an animal from a cage. Black long-sleeved shirt, black jeans, carrying a tan shopper’s bag. She didn’t seem to notice him, engrossed in her thoughts as she rummaged through the bag for a moment.

He felt he had to say something. Anything.

“Do you know where the scissors are? I can’t find them,” he called.

She looked up, blinking at him. Her hair was half-tied back, lashes dark and smokey but her lips were a peach-pink instead of the red she commonly wore. And those dark, dark eyes. He looked away from them, fixating on the wall next to her head.

“Ah, Yoongi, you didn’t use the kitchen scissors for a package, did you?” she replied, somewhat exasperatedly. “Or maybe I misplaced them…”

She hurried over, opening the drawers one by one. He noticed her nails were red and black striped. They weren’t before – she must have done them herself. She opened each drawer hurriedly but delicately, accentuating her long fingers. He had a sudden image of those nails raking down his back, pinpricks of pain clouding his mind–

“Here they are.” She placed the scissors next to the cutting board and he nodded hurriedly to make the image disappear.

“Thanks.” It came out terser than he wanted it to but she seemed not to notice. She was slipping black gloves on her hands as she turned away.

“Don’t forget to open the window when you cook meat,” she reminded. She must have seen the steak on the counter.

“I’ll remember.”

He could hear her putting on her shoes. His heart pounded mercilessly in his chest. He took a deep breath and turned around, her name falling from his lips breathlessly.

She raised her eyebrows at him as she put on her black face mask.

“Do you… know how to sing?”

-

Listening to the weekly rundown as a lot like listening to a teacher’s lecture. She stood in that room once again, except Seokjin was pacing, reading off his notebook as he recited the names, times, and places she needed to be. How much to bring. How much they would give.

She could remember it all quite well at this point, but that didn’t mean she needed to look at him. She didn’t need to look at his pretty dark hair covering half of his forehead or his well-fitted pale pink shirt and tailored white pants that were mysteriously not see-through. Just focus on the people. Times. Places. Not Kim Seokjin.

“Are you listening?” he was saying sharply.

“Of course, I am,” she replied automatically. “You just said Jungkook, 2300, at that god-awful club I hate going to.”

A small smirk appeared on his lips. “That’s my Moon.”

Please stop, she wanted to say, but she didn’t. She did not like these mental invasions and conjuring ideas in her head. He was doing it on purpose. He was planting them in her mind on purpose.

“Moon.”

She jumped. Somehow, he was right next to her.

“You seem to be on autopilot today,” he observed. He was wearing a pair of round glasses that he definitely did not need. Aesthetics, he would say if she asked.

“I’m not.” It was a stubborn response. He raised his brow at it.

“I cannot have you airheaded. I’ll have someone else pick up your week,” he said sternly.

Her eyes went wide and she grabbed his left arm, shaking her head furiously. “No. No, Seokjin, I’m fine. I can do it.” She squeezed his upper arm, looking up at him. Don’t take this away from me.

And then, Seokjin did something uncharacteristic.

He winced.

She let go immediately. She had felt… something under there. And then, through the light fabric, she realized there was a bandage wrapped around his bicep. Even a bump of flattened gauze.

“You… got injured?”

He scoffed. “It’s just a scrape.”

She looked up at him. No one bandaged scrapes. Not like that. She hadn’t managed to feel it enough to determine if it was a gunshot wound or a cut. He seemed annoyed and his features hardened. He wasn’t going to say what it was even if she asked. 

“Who did it?”

A small smile appeared on his lips. “I’m fine, my darling. Are you worried?”

“I wanted to know if I should be worried,” she snapped.

He chuckled and placed a hand on her head. She tried to angrily swat it away but stopped as soon as his sentence finished.

“I’m trying my hardest to stay alive for you.”

-

“It’s just a demo, there’s no need to–”

“No, no, I want to do this right. It should sound good if you’re going to present this to a company.”

Yoongi readjusted the headset on his ears and sighed. They had been at it for a little while now. He had helped her warm up her voice, match pitch, recorded a little, but all in all, her voice sounded a little too robotic. It wasn’t her fault – she wasn’t a singer after all, only his roommate helping him out for one song. He could have attempted to sing it himself but he knew it wouldn’t have the feel he wanted.

Their makeshift setup was a table between them, her face right in front of the mic, his computer and monitors beside him.

She had the lyrics in front of her, hand on her lips, mouthing the words.

“Yoongi… is this about you?” she asked quietly.

A sudden embarrassment came over him. He bit his lip and looked away, fixating on the floor.

“Well… yeah,” he confessed. “It’s about how I feel. About the push and pull of dreams, what it means to have a dream, feeling trapped because maybe my dream wasn’t what I thought it was. Or maybe… maybe I don’t have one anymore.”

It was hard to say out loud what it was really about, but his lyrics were crystal clear.

She took a deep breath. Closed her eyes. Remembered her whole world, her sunshine and her planet, the one she had turned into her reason for living. The beautiful heart-shaped smile, the silly laugh. The times when she sat next to the record player and watched him dance to the music. Who needed a sofa when a dance floor was more important?

He sensed a shift in her demeanor. He looked up from the floor to see her closed eyes, clenched hands on top on the papers he had scribbled his lyrics on. He wondered what she was thinking about.

Music, she had always thought, was fun. It had brought her joy until it didn’t. She had agreed to this because, to be honest, she had been curious about what he was working on. But she hadn’t expected Min Yoongi to write something so vulnerable and relatable.

She opened her eyes.

“Okay. I’m ready.”

It was the strangest thing. Her eyes were like black glass, shimmering. When she sang, it was clear and heavy at the same time. Heavy with emotion, a longing he couldn’t place.

“So far away…”

-

“You wear glasses?”

Yoongi looked up from the kitchen counter. He had been staring at his phone, a yellow notepad on the counter as he scribbled notes. “Oh. No, I just thought…” He shrugged, taking them off his face. “I thought they would get me into the lyric writing mood,” he trailed off awkwardly. “They were cheap and I figured it couldn’t hurt to try.”

She gestured to him as she took a glass out of the cabinet. “Put them back on. They make you look studious.”

He laughed dryly, putting them back on hesitantly. “Yeah, but do they make me look attractive?”

“Yes.”

He froze. That was not the answer he expected. He stared at his notepad pointedly. For some reason, he couldn’t bear to look up and see her expression. He didn’t want to see her stifling a giggle or smirking at him.

“Are you not finishing the song we were working on?”

He chewed on his lip and lifted his head, seeing her standing on the far side of the kitchen, looking at him curiously. No teasing smile on those pink lips. As far as he could see, she wasn’t making fun of him.

“I am finishing it. It… takes time.” And I don’t like confronting that part of myself. He tried to play it off, but he knew it wasn’t working. It was making everything more awkward.

She nodded, her dark flowy waves spilling over her shoulders. Then she gestured to the space between them, looking apologetic. “Oh, I’m not avoiding you or anything,” she said hurriedly, rubbing the back of her head. “I don’t want to read any of your unfinished lyrics… I know that stuff can be private. You might not want me to see them.”

“Oh…” He continued chewing on his lip. It was a bad habit. “That’s respectful of you.”

She cringed a bit as if she hadn’t meant to say anything. “Ah, well, you know… I don’t want to accidentally see anything you’re not ready to share yet.”

It was the strangest feeling of déjà vu. It was almost as if he was looking into a mirror, but that was impossible, because her eyes were dark glass that reflected nothing. It came and went, leaving him wondering what he was supposed to infer from that moment. Then he realized the hands holding the glass were black gloves. Ripped straight leg black jeans and a huge black hoodie with a black sweatshirt underneath. She suddenly reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone.

“I’ll wash my glass when I get back, okay? I have to go.”

He cleaned her glass after she left. There were no other dishes. He washed it carefully, looking into the clear crystal, seeing through it but also seeing nothing at all.

-

Something was wrong.

“Come on, Moon-noona.”

Hands clawing at her sweatshirt, dragging her closer in the cramped private room of the club she hated, but she was too distracted with something else. She grabbed his hands before they could slide up.

“Jungkook, what have you been taking?”

He chuckled, sliding across the wall, batting his lashes at her. His pupils were unfocused, brown irises quivering.

“Fun shit.”

He laughed and laughed, as if it was the funniest thing he had ever said. The music was so loud that the bass seemed to be vibrating the thick smoky air. Either that or it was the bodies hitting the walls as they drunkenly danced and humped each other.

He hooked his fingers on the belt loops of her jeans and pulled her close. He reeked of alcohol.

“Let’s have some fun before we get to business, yeah?” he murmured breathlessly, grinning.

“What did you take?” she asked sternly, ignoring his words.

He shrugged. “I don’t know, some of something?”

She did not like this one bit. She had to pry his fingers off her. “No transaction today.”

“Aw, come on,” he whined, wrapping his arms around her waist and yanking her back to him.

She swore. His arms were like a vice. He pressed her against his dark green satin dress shirt, and even through her layers she was reminded the guy was fucking ripped. Ripped, drunk, and high on who-knows-what. Probably ecstasy. Great. She kept her waist away from his, planting her feet on the floor.

“You’re too uptight, noona.”

He was not supposed to touch her, but he was not supposed to be this drunk or this high either. If it was anyone of her other customers, she would have left without saying anything. But he was basically a kid. A kid who was trying to take even more, who probably thought he was invincible.

She had Seokjin on speed dial. She could reach into her pocket and call him with one hand and his lackeys would come handle the situation immediately. She could.

“Jungkook, look at me.”

He tried to, brain trying to compute as the battle between stimulant and depressant waged on.

“Let me go.”

He pouted. “You don’t like me? Everybody likes me.”

“Let. Me. Go.”

He let her go, slowly, still frowning. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

She drew back, watching him closely. “There is no guy,” she said absentmindedly.

“There’s always a guy,” he said exasperatedly. “Or girl, or whatever. Even if they’re imaginary.”

She would have to report the cancelled sale to Seokjin. He would be pissed. “There’s no imaginary anybody,” she replied dismissively, trying to figure out what to say so Seokjin wouldn’t go apeshit on this poor kid. Definitely wasn’t going to mention any touching.

“There is; you just refuse to admit it.”

A chill went up her spine. “What did you say?”

He shrugged, sliding to the floor, holding his shoulders. “You’re in your head, Moon-noona. In there all day, letting them dictate you like a puppet.”

Her eyes narrowed. She reached into her hoodie and threw the tiny plastic bag at him. It hit him in the chest and slid down onto the floor. He blinked multiple times, looking at the packet of white powder and then her retreating back as she left the room.

“On the house.”

-

4.

--

masterpost

[scrumptiousdonutangel]

All

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

You are enough by sleeping at last, Good old days by macklemore and kesha, Blood//Water by Grandson, Eyes to the sky by Jon Bellion, High hopes by panic! at the disco, and Cowboy casanova by Carrie Underwood (I know its alot of genres)

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

TOM HOLLAND

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“We looked carefully, but saw no apparitions”

4: What do you think about most?

This is going to sound full of myself, but i think about myself alot. I just like to self reflect and try to improve whatever i think can be improved upon.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“No problem, I can try to make it work”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with. I live with too many people to be sleeping nude.

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I can scream EXACTLY like a horror movie. I had to pretend to be a murdered scream for this real life clue thing once and it was awesome

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls…. are absolutely goddesses and I fall in love with every one.

Boys…. are devilish jokers I wish I could stop falling for.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

I think so? There’s a guy who likes me and would send me poems about “some mystery girl” who I’m like 98% sure is me

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

probs like last week

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I have zoophobia actually, I love animals but they give me a huge amount of anxiety so I’ve been trying to get over it

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

I- I don’t know

13: What’s your religion?

I’m a christian, I actually got saved last year around this time!

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Swimming

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind. always.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Lately it’s been Sleeping at Last. They’re so calm but meaningful I love it

17: What was the last lie you told?

“Nooooooooooo, hahahahahaha, why would I like you???? No offense I mean you’re really… uhm. nevermind. no, I don’t” 

18: Do you believe in karma?

Abso-fuckin-lutely

19: What does your URL mean?

nothing really

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I’ve been told they’re the same thing: I’m a really caring and sympathetic person which makes me good with people but also too trusting and gullible

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

TOM HOLLAND

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

no, but I lowkey really want to??? when I was little I read about it in nancy drew without even fully realizing what it was and I always wanted to try it

23: How do you vent your anger?

Usually by working out? I always joke that I don’t work out alot, but I bike/swim/walk/dance/do a ton of random muscle workouts pretty daily

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

I have a collection of lipsticks if that counts

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

it depends on the person, but I personally prefer video chatting just cause it’s easier to read body language

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

I feel like there’s ALOT of room to improve tbh

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

nails on a chalkboard ; dude anyone with a deep voice (no matter what they identify as) has my heart in a second of speaking

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

probably the usual “what if this had worked out” with a previous crush

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes. also yes. (don’t judge me)

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

my pillow and my bed

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

stale air. it is summer and hot. please send help.

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

this is gonna sound terrible, but probably in our car? I have so many bad memories and I hate driving it with a passion

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

west coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Shawn mendes, no doubt

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

Helping other people

36: Define Art.

An expression of emotion so strong it makes the viewer also feel emotion

37: Do you believe in luck?

yes

38: What’s the weather like right now?

hOt

39: What time is it?

early evening

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

yes, not yet cause I barely ever drive

41: What was the last book you read?

the Odesseye

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

no???

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Way too many. My latest was “miracle” given to me by a ton of adorable middle schoolers who couldn’t remember anything but the first three letters of my name

44: What was the last film you saw?

the greatest showman

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

A sprained ankle

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Yeah, it’s a long story but this one I think tried to have sex with my finger

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

dude I always do. Jane the Virgin is television gOLD

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Right now I identify as either bisexual or pansexual 

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

just small ones about who I like (that weren’t true and complicated friendships)

50: Do you believe in magic?

I don’t know

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yeah, I’ve been trying to get better at it

52: What is your astrological sign?

Saggittarious

53: Do you save money or spend it?

I spend money way too easily, I’ve been trying to learn how to save more

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

A pretzel 

55: Love or lust?

love

56: In a relationship?

I wish

57: How many relationships have you had?

None that I’d like to count

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nope

59: Where were you yesterday?

At a bonfire

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

ohhhhh yeah

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

nope

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats.

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Friendship wise it’s just asking how their day is and asking if their doing okay. Romantic wise, I am soooo mean to people I like so usually just teasing them and buying them food

64: Where is your best friend?

right now at her home hopefully

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@sophietheadventurer @s1n-am0n @darhwolf @undead-aesthetic @xqueenofpunsx

66: What is your heritage?

Mostly irish but my dad’s side has a heck of a lot of russian cause my great grandma is from Ukraine

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping like a wimp

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

mcdevil

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Nope

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I don’t know actually, I try to be the type of person I think a person NEEDS, so I would probs be pretty different if i was my friend

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

drown with the dog cause I can’t swim for crap but I’ll die trying

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I would only tell a couple people at first, the rest I’d tell farther in b) spend time with my family and friends and travel a whole lot/probs write ALOT c) I’d be more sad I didn’t have more time with the people I care about

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

love, I already don’t have trust let’s be real

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Good old days by macklemore just cause it’s amazing 

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

I’d give them out but like I already have way too many unknown numbers calling me

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Two people who connect on a mental/emotional/spiritual level who can be completely themselves with each other and don’t have to spend all their time together, but cherish every single minute

77: How can I win your heart?

food and musicals

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

I think in a lot of ways it can, but that’s a whole debate in and of itself

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

coming back to the same summer camp every year

80: What size shoes do you wear?

7 and ½

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“Now the only extra she is is dead”

82: What is your favourite word?

chimney (long story)

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

falling in love

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“It’s not a look” or “oH honEy nO”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

“God made girls” It’s been stuck in my head for ages

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

it changes almost daily but right now it’s a bright pink

87: What is your current desktop picture?

subtle gay art

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

That’s a hard question, too many horrible people alive

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Someone irl asking my sexuality (i am very very deep in the closet)

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Probs go back to bed I’m a tired chick man

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Telepathy

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

this one specific car ride I had with my sister when I was younger

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

my entire life as a thirteen year old

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

tie between Kesha and Shawn Mendes

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Greece

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not that I know of but most likely yeah

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

wayyyyy too many times

98: Ever been on a plane?

yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

I would probably freeze up and say nothing

[szzln]

a hunnid questions

thanks for taggin me bby :) @dacremontgomerylover

1. What is your nickname? siggy, sid

2. How old are you? 19 (i don’t want to leave my teen years)

3. What is your birth month? september

4. What is your zodiac sign? virgo, yeeet

5. What is your favourite colour? blueeee (like my feelings)

6. What’s your lucky number? don’t really have one, but I like 5 and 8

7. Do you have any pets? a stray cat named Pablo and I love her dearly

8. Where are you from? australia

9. How tall are you? 5’7”

10. What shoe size are you? UK 11

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 7?

12. Are you random? with my closest friends, yes

13. Last person you texted? my friend group chat

14. Are you psychic in any way? when i predict things, they are usually wrong so i’m going to say no

15. Last TV show watched? brooklyn nine-nine!!!

16. Favourite movie? the book of life, a walk to remember, she’s all that

17. Favourite show from your childhood? iCarly, victorious

18. Do you want children? yes but later down the track. i can’t think of kids now, i have enough brothers as it is

19. Do you want a church wedding? not a church wedding, but somewhere really nice, maybe at a really nice function hall that looks out to the lake, with a dope ass floral garden – a place that’s got them real aesthetics lmao

20. What is your religion? i believe there is a God but I try to follow the christianity values that my family follows. i definitely know i’m going to hell.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? um yes, who hasn’t? i was born at one.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? yes (kind of). it was one of those times where i paid for a child ticket when i just started my first year of uni (because the ticket prices for child and student concession are the same) so i thought i wasn’t going to get caught at like 7pm, when all the transport officials have finished. apparently, they hadn’t finished, so i was left with them in front of me asking for my id’s lol

23. How is life? i’m nearing the end of my first sem of second year of uni! i am so relieved that i finished my classes today. i have two essays due this weekend, i’m completely fucked over both and an exam next weekend but i’m okay! i’ve already cried over about them lmao :)

24. Baths or showers? showers all the way.

25. What colour socks are you wearing? black glitter socks

26. Have you ever been famous? if you count people saying hi to you when you don’t know their name, then yes. at school hahaha

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? i’d love to be, honestly. it sounds conceited but i’ve dreamed of being famous. when i get hate comments, i love to be witty

28. What type of music do you like? r&b yeeeet. pop, sad ballads (EXTRA POINTS IF THEY MAKE ME WEEP LIKE A FUCKING BABY)

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? omg no and probably never will

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? i sleep with one with a few rectangle cushions here and there

31. What position do you usually sleep in?  on my back with my arms stretched taking up all the space. and my stomach with my leg folded up with my pillow lying vertically with me

32. How big is your house? to be honest, i don’t like talking about my living arrangements. i feel like it’s a place for me, my own private space. i’m just going to say it’s cosy.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? whatever cereal there is, or for brunch, i’ll have whatever was last night’s dinner

34. Have you ever left the country? once to new zealand

35. Have you ever tried archery? no but i think i’ll suck at it big time. i can’t even handle a toy archery set, what makes me think i can try with an actual arrow??? lmaaoo

36. Do you like anyone? there’s this cutie, he looks like he’s the same age, maybe a little older, and he does after school care for the children at my youngest brother’s school. we have never spoken and i’d like it that way

37. Favourite swear word? fuck

38. When do you fall asleep? whenever i feel tired. or when i have a headache. or when i can’t be bothered with my school work anymore lol

39. Do you have any scars? if you hadn’t noticed, I have chicken pox scars all over my face.

40. Sexual orientation? straight (but sometimes i can’t help that people of the same sex as me are gorgeous and i wish i could be them)

41. Are you a good liar? i’d like to say so. it’s called acting

42. What languages would you like to learn? i’d love to learn spanish again. maybe italian, greek?

43. Top 10 songs? fall in line – demi x xtina be careful – cardi b drew barrymore – bryce vine 2002 – anne-marie smooth criminal – michael jackson what i need – hayley x kehlani you can cry – marshmello, james arthur, juicy j why – shawn mendes i was never there – the weeknd lovely – billie eilish x khalid

44. Do you like your country? yes

45. Do you have friends from the web? omg yes, i love them dearly

46. What is your personality type? according to the 16-personalities survey, i am an adventurer (not an ad lol)

47. Hogwarts House? according to the official Hogwarts house quiz, i’m a gryffindor but i lowkey want to be a slytherin

48. Can you curl your tongue? side to side, oui

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to?

50. Left or right-handed? right-handed

51. Are you scared of spiders? i’d slowly walk away from spiders, buT FUCK SNAKES I’M OUT

52. Favourite food? anything that’s good.

53. Favourite foreign food? chinese

54. Are you a clean or messy person? i myself am a mess

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? look at my new genitals

56. What colour underwear? grey

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? abouts an hour

58. Do you have much of an ego? i’d like to stay grounded for as long as possible

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? both

60. Do you talk to yourself? yes, quietly.

61. Do you sing to yourself? is that even a question, of course i do.

62. Are you a good singer? i’m decent.

63. Biggest Fears? snakES AND CROWDED PLACES FUCK ME UP

64. Are you a gossip? uni has me wary of what people say and what headlines i see online. i won’t believe it until proven.

65. Are you a grammar Nazi? i sat here for a minute before I answered these questions correcting ‘favorite’ to ‘favourite’ and ‘color’ to ‘colour’. but i don’t think I’d point out something unless it was written on paper in person?

66. Do you have long or short hair? medium. my hair is growing and is a happy lass

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? i can probably name like 10, i’m not american

68. Favourite school subject? music practices was fun af

69. Extrovert or Introvert? introvert 100%

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? probably not, i’m scared of accidentally sucking in the mask for the oxygen or the oxygen tank failing

71. What makes you nervous?   crowded places and cute guys

72. Are you scared of the dark? no. i love the dark and i get pissed when a room is too bright.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? i question them whether it’s right or not to see if they’d pick up on it or lecture me on said topic

74. Are you ticklish? i hate that i am

75. Have you ever started a rumour? who has the energy to though?

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? yes. i’ve answered this (so basically there’s 99 qs mwuahaha)

77. Have you ever drank underage? omg no. my parents would have whooped my ass

78. Have you ever done drugs? prescription drugs, yes.

79. What do you fantasize about? me being in a relationship

80. How many piercings do you have? only my hears. i would like a nose piercing soon

81. Can you roll your R’s? okurrrrrrr

82. How fast can you type? i don’t even know

83. How fast can you run? bruh. i don’t run at all (unless if it was for the bus, then maybe)

84. What colour is your hair? black at roots, and then brown and then washed out green

85. What colour are your eyes? brown

86. What are you allergic to? nothinnnn’

87. Do you keep a journal? i try to, but like I forget lol

88. Are you depressed about anything? my life? myself?

89. Do you like your age? yes.

90. What makes you angry? slow walkers, people who are closed minded, people who think feminism is a bunch of sexist, man-hating screaming women (although urban dictionary’s multiple definitions on feminism makes me howl of laughter), people who have a chip on their shoulder for no reason

91. Do you like your own name? i’ve grown to like it.

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? okay so this happened when i was like between 4 and 6. it was either before or after christmas and i was at my grandparents’ house because they were watching me while my parents were out. for me at that age, i was always bored, so i decided to remove the cushions from the single chair i was sitting on. i found these two little plastic balls that must have come off some christmas decorations and i wanted to see if it could fit up my nose. it did. until i decided to push it up further to the point it got stuck and i started crying for my aunty to help me take it out. she didn’t help me and told me that i needed to get it out myself because it was my own wrongdoing LMAAO

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? why not have both?

94. What talents do you have? i can crack my elbow the way we crack our knuckles, does that count?

95. Sun or moon? moon

96. How did you get your name? my parents had already decided on the name ‘angel’ for me lol. but apparently when i was born, to my mum she looked at me and was immediately was like “sigalu!” (pronounced si-nguh-lou) and so she called my great-grandfather (mum’s mum’s dad) to ask if she could name me after my nana, and voila :) (the name is sacred and can only be given permission to use it).

97. Are you religious? i try to be a good child of God

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? no but i think i should

99. Colour of your bedspread? dark-beige

100. Colour of your room? an ugly off-white colour

[smallcomebacknowyhear]

(this is the drawing and essay I did for the Placeholder zine, the production of which is currently on hiatus) (and I am actually a few inches shorter than Dinesh/Kumail but I thought this was more aesthetically pleasing)

At some point pretty early in my fandom experience I realized that Dinesh is not only the character I relate most to out of any character I've ever seen, but that despite my lifelong emotional investment in television and movies, I’d always had a hard time finding characters I personally related to. When I saw Dinesh, for the first time I saw my own personality (or at least most of it) reflected back at me. It was a very strange experience, because understanding and describing my own personality has always been a struggle. It’s still difficult, but it’s much easier for me now, because for the first time I have someone I can point at and say “that’s basically me.” Unfortunately I share a lot of Dinesh’s flaws with him, and while I do see myself as kind of a more mature version of him, understanding Dinesh has helped me notice things in myself that I need to work on.

And this is where I get real, and where I share my Unpopular Opinion: I was the Dinesh in a Dinesh-Gilfoyle friendship for 7 years, and while that experience fuels my interest in dinfoyle, it also informs me that a Dinesh and Gilfoyle romantic relationship would probably crash and burn the way my friendship did. My ex best friend was like Gilfoyle in a lot of ways- he was too smart and stubborn for his own good, incredibly cynical and either brutally honest or sarcastic at all times, and he liked being an asshole just to get a reaction out of people. He was never shy or secretive about the fact that I was his best friend, and that made me feel like I was on top of the world- this dude who hates everything liked me! I mean I knew he was an asshole, but I thought he was one of those people who’s rough on the outside and deep down he was sensitive and thoughtful. He thought he was too. But as I grew older I learned that if you present yourself to the world as an asshole, it doesn’t really matter what’s inside- and I also realized that my now-ex friend lacked the inner depths and basic human compassion I’d always seen in him. Whether it was conscious on his part or not, the reason he’d latched onto me from the beginning was because he knew I would put up with his bullshit.

I started watching Silicon Valley just shy of a year after dumping my now-ex friend. I was still adjusting to life without the person I’d always thought I’d be spending it with, and it was difficult to handle the feeling that I’d used such poor judgement on this person who obviously hadn’t deserved to be in my life, and that I’d wasted so many years building a friendship that was fundamentally unbalanced and toxic. Seeing Dinesh in the shoes I’d been in years ago was liberating to me. I felt like I wasn’t alone, I wasn’t the only person who’d wasted their time on a bad relationship. I’d never been sure why Dinesh boning Gilfoyle is so important to me, but as I am typing this I realize that I want him to get as embarrassingly emotionally intimate with Gilfoyle as I was with my now-ex friend (although I was never romantically or sexually involved with him, thank god) so that he can have the same epiphany I did- Gilfoyle loves him, but love is not enough. At the end of the day he’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve Dinesh’s time, and just because Dinesh has felt amazing with Gilfoyle doesn’t mean that he should stay with him when Gilfoyle ultimately makes him feel bad about himself. Because two and a half years later, dumping my ex best friend is still one of the best things I’ve ever done, and ridding myself of him has allowed me to live so much more freely than I did when I felt the need to run my decisions past his negative ass. I want Dinesh to share that experience of liberation with me.

Part of me wants Gilfoyle to be better than my ex friend, and to be the partner Dinesh deserves, but I see my ex friend reflected so heavily in canon Gilfoyle that I can’t imagine that as a possibility. And I do realize that fanfiction is by nature transformative, and Gilfoyle can be whoever I want him to be, but I’ve come to know that a “happily ever after” is just not what I want out of dinfoyle, and that’s okay because that’s what jardinfoyle is for.

[johannesviii]

Eater of Wasps

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (Eater of Wasps).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

O-kay, so this cover is pretty gruesome, I wonder if this is a-

OH SHIT OH NO

Well, that was unexpectedly great.

The problems keep piling up in this story and the action never really stops. It’s pretty straightforward and I wish some characters were given a bit more to do, but the regulars are still well written. Eight hasn’t been this alien since The Burning (which makes sense since it’s the same kind of story, with a basic plot but written like a thriller), Fitz is his usual loyal self, even when he’s scared shitless by the events, and Anji has some of the most interesting moments.

It’s also a real page-turner, with some gloriously horrible body horror left and right and more than a few laughs among all the stress. Unlike the previous book, this one doesn’t really try to make a point, it has a very traditional structure (if you forget the ton of gore thrown at us), and it’s just a gripping adventure with no other goal in mind. Definitely refreshing. 8/10

Okay this is a Baxendale book, so... how long have we got before the body horror and/or the killing starts

THAT WAS LITERALLY THE FIRST LINE

The TARDIS sounds like “a rather poorly cow”, according to this lady.

I laughed out loudly

Get back in the police box, Fitz, you unshaven untrustworthy criminal

Still laughing but I hope this old bigot dies in this story tbh

This description of our current Eight is simultaneously delightful and sad.

Miss “Old-bat-on-a-bike” Havers sounds exactly like a certain person who’s currently running for president in my country and who I hope to see crash and burn in the near future with all my heart

How many racist bigots are there in Miss “I-speak-for-the-whole-village” Havers’ shoes exactly

WELP TIME FOR FUN HEADCANONS ABOUT DANY PINK’S FAMILY TREE

“MISS HAVERS APPEARED READY TO COLLAPSE UNDER THIS ONSLAUGHT OF FOREIGN-SOUNDING NAMES”

Nope. Nope.

Eight wants to drive a tractor.

Also wasn’t he travelling far away from England in the thirties? I recall he said something like that in The Turing Test.

I’m smiling through the sadness this is confusing

Eight geeking about vintage cars, everyone

I really like the Pink brothers so far, so I’m pretty sure at least one of them is going to suffer horribly in this story

Well that’s also what Lawrence Miles claims and his books are roughly 50% politics so I don’t know about this

Eh eh

Eight playing Paranoid on a piano is my new aesthetic

Also I wondered how it would sound like on a piano and holy shit look at this video this person is so talented, like, damn

I don’t know who Kala is but her haircut made me laugh

So Rigby’s possessed by the wasps in some way?

Anji saying “bloody” impresses Hilary Pink and I find this endearing, somehow

We know, Eight, we know

The descriptions of the TARDIS team are great in this book.

I love this scene??

“There was something wrong” = understatement of the month

This creeps me out way more than the wasps themselves, to be honest, because I don’t particularly hate them. I have no idea how painful a wasp sting is because I’ve never been attacked by any of them ever. Granted, I don’t like them, but still.

Wait a second, is the old bigot contaminated too now?

“PITY ABOUT THE PLUMS”

COULD YOU PRETEND TO BE SAD ABOUT THE DEAD GUY FOR TWO CONSECUTIVE SECONDS YOU WALNUT

Extremely relatable

Run away. Run. Away.

Anji no

Good description cut, like, 10/10 would cut again

Can I breathe now? Cause I’d really enjoy that

Apparently I can’t

OH NOT MY HEART HE KEPT THE LETTER FOR 90 YEARS

I’m laughing like an idiot, that never gets old

Still laughing by the way

Well you did ask

Always the best course of action

I love this scene so much oh my god

Well that’s completely different, then

Have I already told you I loved this new TARDIS team with all my heart

[Unexpected sadness]

1) Eight was a sailor during the thirties, why isn’t there a book about that

2) Is that a reference to Pertwee’s tattoo?

3) If Eight really has a tattoo, wouldn’t that be a first (Three’s tattoo was there for real life reasons so it doesn’t really count)?

4) A tattoo of what

5) Where

6) If he hasn’t one and that’s all a lie… is… is he flirting with Fitz

I have no words

My hair is standing on end on my arms I’m not even joking at all holy f█cking shit that’s so f█cking creepy

OH. THAT’S EASY THEN. JUST IGNORE THE HUMAN WASP HIVE STANDING ABSOLUTELY STILL IN COMPLETE DARKNESS WITH HIS MOUTH OPEN TWO METERS AWAY FROM YOU. JUST IGNORE HIM. BECAUSE THAT’S VERY EASY, RIGHT

This shouldn’t be that funny but I’m half laughing half cringing

This scene is terrifying and hilarious at the same time, which results in me cringing like there’s no tomorrow

F█CK I KNEW IT

Holy shit Doctor

Good job, Kala, 10/10

Don’t we all

Oh god please try to explain the context to the police, Eight, I really want you to explain how you arrived in a police box and how Wasp Man is menacing that village because somebody dropped an alien thingie there

Nevermind

Funnier in hindsight

Fitz Kreiner, prison cells connaisseur

Of course he wouldn’t, but that’s still concerning.

Wait Miss “Old-bat-on-a-bike” Havers isn’t dead yet? Is there no justice in the world? (don’t answer that)

“I’m not sure what he is”

Oh that's perfectly normal then

Hey isn’t that the cover of the book?

Eight this is an autopsy for crying out loud don’t act like it’s an unboxing video

Oh. Oh wait. Oh f█ck. Is this book “SCP-439, but with wasps and the victims are mobile"? Oh shit that’s suddenly ten times worse

KILL IT WITH FIRE

FOR THE LULZ For the Vine no idea

Okay book I like you very much but there’s only so many times I can say "nope" in this liveblog and I’m going to run out of nopes soon

EXTREMELY RELATABLE??

I know the feeling, Eight, but please try to focus

That’s… that’s not exactly what she meant, Fitz. I do adore the fact that you had prepared an answer to that question, though

Hehe of course he would offer mint humbugs instead of jelly babies just to troll everyone about the wasps thing – also I want one, I’ve never tasted one before

Oh no cute

[Takes references for future drawings]

Honestly I love this description

SCREAMING

THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF GREAT SCENES IN THIS BOOK ALREADY BUT THAT’S IN THE TOP THREE FOR SURE

Eight you nerd

...........of course you did

implying things aren’t messy already

"overtactile"

Also I still can’t get this out of my head, wasn’t she attacked earlier ?

Ignore me I’m just dying a little bit over there

10/10 would fraud again

This book is almost non-stop action AND funny AND scary and honestly it would be a top-grade perfect Doctor Who book if the writing was slightly better and if the plot was a bit more original

Eight this is a bad idea and you know it

Anji is channelling my exact reaction

Eight every time you end up fighting someone it doesn’t end well for you

That quote is wonderful, I’m gonna memorise it for future D&D games

“It always looks easier in the movies”

This f█cking dialogue oh my god

Or perhaps you could blast the fire extinguisher right in his face before he hurts anyone else, just an idea

“Mad? I’m absolutely furious"

Nobody No-One’s on the phone & he wants his quote back

That’s always been one of my favorite things with Eight, his tendency to take one look at trolley problems and be like "nah". People die accidentally all the time but most of the time he refuses to be the person who decides who lives and who dies. Of course it’s highly debatable, but that’s what makes it interesting in the first place.

"Hope this is not Chris's blood"

Friendly reminder that the Doctor can detect blood types

I don’t know why but that particular sentence makes me laugh, the mental picture is irresistible

Fitz is that guy who always gets killed in slasher movies

And Eight can finally drive a tractor eeeeeee

That’s it that’s the book

Still in love with the descriptions from Rigby’s point of view, by the way.

GREAT EXACTLY WHAT WE NEEDED

GREAT EXACTLY WHAT WE NEEDED 2: THE QUICKENING

Also a defining trait of Eight in all his stories: his refusal to give up. Which is why the beginning of Dark Eyes was so great. And also Ship in a Bottle, because sometimes people need to remind him there’s always hope.

And that’s also what makes Night of the Doctor so heartwrenching ; it’s the Doctor who “never ever gives up” finally giving up, for good.

1) Anji is still channelling my thoughts 2) Honestly I’m glad Rigby’s now an actual monster because the human hive thing standing motionless in complete darkness was infinitely more creepy to me

Still loving these descriptions so I’m still screening them.

The fact that there’s still a part of him which knows this is a f█cking nightmare is the cherry on top, actually.

ASDFGHJHGHJK I FUCKING KNEW IT

“AND TO THINK I HUGGED YOU”

That’s your only reaction?

Ummm sorry I know the situation is extremely tense but look at this sweet little moment?? Thank you

Wasp Man

DOCTOR YOU LITTLE SHIT

Damn that was brutal

I shouldn’t be laughing so hard

Great just what we needed

Why is this still so funny

Can I breathe now

I don’t know why this is so cute to me but it really is

Friendly reminder that I love Anji

Everyone’s safe and nothing hurts, goodbye

Honestly I don’t even know which part of this I prefer.

Maybe "what deadline?".