#ok I just wanted to rant about this cuz I was talking about it w my friend earlier but

[my-thirteenth-reason]

kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)

[manic-sapphic]

gonna pretend i'm sorry for this cause tbh- it's just a string of spop gifs where i rant for way too long about the feels i get from each scene~

(-hey - i said sorry, ok ... sure, i openly admitted it was a lie - but i guess i just hoped you'd appreciate the slight effort of the pretense-)

this moment obviously kills me- just like i know it does for alotta you- but i just gotta call attention for a sec to what exactly kills me the most about it: up until this point, we've constantly been shown brief moments of catra's expression betraying her true vulnerable state - even if it's just a close-up of her eyes - during which less than a second passes before the look in them transitions from sad/hurt or disappointment/self-hatred (anything of the sort, really) to anger/ resentment/ rage. her brow usually falls quite quickly as her eyes narrow, refusing to allow her real feelings to continue just being felt - (& tbh, for most the show, i think she's just so fucking afraid of what might happen if she does let herself feel them- esp s4 after the portal)

but in this scene - that's changed. it's completely turned around, flipped upside down - she starts off w her usual habit - a display of resentment and rage - that dissolves into the most heart-breaking freaking expression i think i've ever seen. because you can see just how heart-broken she is- and it kinda seems like she's tryna admit, w/o having to say it- that she was already heart-broken for a really long time, and is tryna make one last attempt at getting adora to understand- not to choose catra- that's not the point, that's not what catra's after, even if it is what she wants and needs to know (for her own peace of mind) if the feeling is mutual-

rn, all catra is desperately tryna get adora to even just think about - is herself. take away every single person she feels responsible for - which is literally everyone.. everyone - a feeling, btw, catra now understands to be an unconscious reflex born of the trauma shadow weaver had caused adora. she's finally able to see it was never just her - adora was just traumatized far more secretively & in ways that would be harder for others to notice (which i'm sure was very much on purpose)

- the weird convos w shadow weaver, disguised as personal pep talks, looked as if they only took place when shadow weaver had adora alone - but in failsafe, catra hangs back to listen & make sure there's no bull shit going on- just like she said she would- "i'm only going to make sure shadow weaver doesn't try anything - it's not because i like you-" (yeah yeah we get it- u DoN't LiKe HeR ~ duuuh, that's cuz u luv her u dummy <3)

oh but now- now i gotta talk about THIS look right here- as if the expression they give catra when/after she asks "what do you want, adora?" isn't enough to see me out in the backyard digging my own goddamn grave- then they throw this shi on my tv screen just seconds later ?! tf. i mean- the way catra's eyes shift up- no longer able to keep looking at adora after the only answer she can give her as to what she wants is "i have to do this, catra - i'm the only one who can" ... FUUUUUUU THO OK

for so many reasons, too many for me to get into in a post i already feel bad about cause dude i ain't near done ranting on scenes and moments annnd i see how long it's already gotten- my bad, fr- so i'll just try (and fail) to narrow it down and keep it brief- catra's questioning what adora wants is definitely aimed most importantly at her hope that maybe she can still get adora to even just think about that- to realize that she's allowed to and should think about it.

but i also read it as, once again, these two knowing each other so well that they don't always have to say exactly, word for word, what they wanna ask or tell each other- the emotional stuff is weird and hard for them to even put into words still, tbh; cause i mean, ya know- orphaned child soldiers discouraged from even showing any signs of illness when sick, cause asking for medical attention would be a real loser move for a kid to make, right.. like, wtf? dude- they can take on so much and handle the gnarliest situations that require strength and skills and abilities i couldn't ever ever fucking fathom facing - but feelings? tf? all i can ever hear them thinking in response to those: "ohhh fckfckfck what is this, why is this & how do i make it stop -???"

so when catra asks adora what she wants, i mostly hear her begging adora to be a little selfish - just this once, at least - and let herself think about herself, but i also hear catra's most vulnerable, desperate, & honest ask of adora so far. what i hear woven in what catra actually says aloud, is another quiet question she's still too scared to put into words, but that i kinda think she hopes/knows adora will hear if she's really listening- "do you want me?"

uggghh and the way that after a moment of an outward, unfiltered display of grief over adora's answer (or more accurately, lack of an answer), catra wipes her eyes and turns away. the switch flipped. back on her bull shit. emotional defense mechanisms she's once again starting to feel are the right idea & always were, and is prob feeling like a fool for ever thinking she might actually get to have a life where she doesn't have to feel them as necessities - where it doesn't feel like that's the only way she'll ever survive.

cause maybe by now, she's seen that some people get to have that - but it's just not the life that was ever meant for her. just like adora was never meant to have a life of her own - at all - period. they're both still so easily fcking convinced of what they've been conditioned to believe about themselves, their lives, and the inevitabilities associated w their existence - (FUCK OFF FOREVER SHADOW WEAVER)

and the quick little moment of adora shown just after catra disappears - possibly gone from her sight forever - the shorter close-up of her reaction before the shot goes waaay back and she cries out for catra - i feel like it def doesn't get enough recognition (prob mostly due to the fact that the clip of adora yelling catra's name comes only seconds later and is portrayed far more dramatically, & in a way that crushes tf outta ur soul, ofc)

but that lil bit there- that brief second of adora's initial reaction- the moment she starts to process that catra just left- that catra's gone, and that this time- adora thinks it's probably for good- her short, shuddering intake of breath followed by what seem like more hurried, forced breaths that kinda appear difficult for her to take- sound like the first seconds of a fcking panic attack to me dude.

and it certainly hurts to watch just as much as when she calls out after catra - although yeah, tbh, that bit stings a lil extra in its own way- i mean, knowing catra had to have heard adora pretty much scream out her name seconds after she disappeared w melog- fuck. (idk how tf catra didn't come right back tbh. i'd be visible again so quick, rushin to adora like "omg bb i'm so sorry- pls don't cry, never ever, ily so much, won't ever hurt u again ok- ilysm omg omfg ily i'm so sorry" & btw, that's a totally normal thing to think when watching that scene ok-)

oh but then - omfg - adora gets a swift slap in the face from the crystal castle - the haunting of a sudden, unexpected vision of catra. all the catra's. catra in so many of the different forms adora's known her through, even if it was as enemies. it reminds me a bit of an excerpt out of the "don't go" fanfic - "catra hasn't been in her life for a long time - but she hadn't known how unbearable it would be to lose her for good until that moment" -

neither of these bitches ever wanted each other gone- catra (very sadly so) def spent most the series tryna convince herself that's how she felt about adora- tho it's just cause her conditioning taught her to think needing someone makes you weak and easy to hurt, and tbh, i think catra knew she needed adora for most their lives, even if she could never admit it to herself in even the form of a full, conscious thought--

but i think she also believed that, after the promise, that need was confirmed to be mutual. and in that way, it was something catra never needed to say but also never felt the need to be ashamed of/embarrassed by- until adora left. and her belief that the feeling of needing each other for support & protection (and let's be honest, care & affection) was mutually shared between them was shattered - & in such a way that i imagine catra musta felt like she was the actual idiot all along - adora had never needed her, and now she needed to figure out how to achieve that same independence - she needed to figure out how to not need adora.

omg tho dude - pretty sure i've said it before but i can't not say it (aka rant on it tho tbh- sorry lol) again and prob every time i ever share anything that features this couple seconds of what i kinda feel to be adora's most honest, selfish, & vulnerable moment we see up to this point- & without her needing to say a fucking thing- just tears that fall from her eyes after catra basically says "uhh yeah ok so- fuck that nonsense- i'm not leaving, idc wtf happens- i'm staying with you"

--(cause yeah, maybe she spent the last few years too prideful and stubborn to admit that was always what she wanted to do and where she loved being the most- and after so little time spent back by adora's side- it was breaking her fucking heart all over, knowing her chance at having time w adora was going away again- but regardless, catra gets now- that part's not up to her; it's never been her choice to make- & not even adora's, really- but deciding to stay w adora no matter where she goes- that's always been up to her- and she's not ever fucking making the mistake of choosing not to stay right beside that silly sweet dummy ever, eeeever again)

BUT duuude tho - the way adora cries a bit but says nothing - doesn't attempt even once to try n convince catra to go, to push her to leave and get somewhere safe - i just can't help but figure catra staying with her is exactly what she wanted, but never would've asked for in a million years. never would've even let herself form the question in her head.

but in spite of that, when catra states it unequivocally and clearly adds w confidence - "no matter what happens" - adora can't argue. she can't insist. much like catra hasn't really been able to do for quite a while now - adora can't fake it anymore. she's just too tired and she finally has to recognize she wants someone to take care of her, too - just like she's felt compelled to do for everyone else for so long. and in that moment, i feel like she's finally wordlessly admitting to catra, not only does she want her to be the one to take care of her - she needs her to be (and always has)

ahhhh but oof-baboof bro - then there's all this.

somehow, catra straight up delves deep into the abyss currently consuming adora & pretty much says - "fuck no. plsss wake up - you can't just die like this, not before you ever get a chance to live your own fcking life, good god dude - i get now why you couldn't before, but please, this time - STAY."

(huh- stay.. another way of saying "don't go"... hmmm :) <3)

these gurls literally got so much love for each other that catra is able to straight up force open an entryway into adora's fading subconscious (which seems to be the only part of her that's still alive) - just by talking to her - barely above a whisper there in the heart, but in adora's mind, she's screaming at her.

the desperate, hopeful sentiments uttered, urging adora to keep going - to push through this and come out the other side alive - to please survive because you deserve to - are just that much stronger when they come from catra- it's that loud to adora when catra is the one saying it- cause she's finally freaking realized, catra's the one she most hopes to hear it from. knowing catra feels that way about her is something she's never really had, and vice versa ofc, even when they were both in the horde. it wasn't the kind of thing they were taught to say or even acknowledge feeling - but hearing catra beg her to just stay alive - and then hearing why catra so desperately hopes for her to - adora's made certain that it really is true -

she does deserve love, and there's someone whose love she's realized she wants- and they're holding her, telling her she has it & always has. and suddenly staying isn't a hope, isn't a plea - it's an inevitability. adora ain't going nowhere--

and, so reminiscent of adora's line to catra near the end of save the cat: "c'mon catra, you've never listened to anyone in your life - are you really going to start now?" we hear catra imploring adora: "you've never given up on anything in your life- not even on me- so don't you dare start now!"

they both know each other so well, they know the best buttons to push that might just work when tryna reach each other, even when one of them is lost to the point of nearly being gone for good - they don't find a door to open - they take a saw to the fucking wall and make one. and pull the other back through. cause everything will be ok if they just stay together. and once they've both finally accepted the truth to that - that's all they wanna do, to the point of refusing to allow each other to die when faced with that possibility. and likewise, refusing to die- just knowing the other is there waiting for them, wanting them, is enough to bring them back -

wanting the life they haven't gotten to share yet, and straight up refusing to let anything take the hope of that future away - even if it means unlocking their true, innate she-ra form (and beginning to understand that they are magic & it was never about the stupid sword) - or if it's wielding some strange, mysterious power w/o prob even knowing they are- like reaching through a metaphysical doorway into the mind of the love of your life and grasping as far and as desperately as you can for their hand, trying- and succeeding- to pull them back from the brink of death.

their story is literally so lovely. & individually, they are truly such honest, raw, complex and thought-provoking characters - presented in a way that offers viewers a fairly rare experience, even these days, of seeing a story written by people willing to honor the honesty everyone deserves to see and may kinda need to see - things aren't always shiny, happy, good times & people aren't perfect- quite literally, no one is- but that doesn't mean there's no point trying. that doesn't mean there's no hope of a happy ending - or that you don't deserve one. it's literally all just part of life, part of living that you'll find yourself faced w figuring out along the way- whether the answers are good or bad. and that's an insane idea to thread into a freaking cartoon dude - wuhhh tf

oh and ps- catradora are canon. (almost wanna end every rant w this reminder lolol) ~~ they cannot be stopped, this shit won't ever be undone lmao. & that makes me wanna say- "hell yes!" and for anyone who it makes wanna say "hell no" - all i got in response to that isssss "more catradora for us then - hell yes x2"

:) <3

[knizuu]

When 2 ain’t enough ya gotta have // PT 3 OF LOOKING AT FANG’S STORY // SPOILERS BTW

Wawa first of all, hi!!! If you don’t get what I’m talking about:

This is my original rant with Superstars included! [Check out the other reblogs too if ya want =w=]

And This should be about the start of the Fang miniseries!!

OK OK NOW LETS GET INTO IT

There’s some things I said on discord already related :]

Sooooo….you might’ve noticed the fact Team Hooligan is kindaaaaa not a thing anymore :’]

CRIESSS AS A HOOLIGAN FAN SORRY-

Anyways efkjwghrj, my main point is that he got left because Fang was IGNORANT

Now I don’t wanna say he’s thinking he has more power, because Fang knows DARN WELL he doesn’t have the skill compared to Bean or Bark. He isn’t strong enough, he isn’t crazy enough, he’s defined by what he NEAR to, like his Marvelous Queen. “Ignorance is bliss” and I think he embodies this idea to the extent of how awful it can be in the long run.

Oh ye the Marvelous Queen? Da she?

Fang ABSOLUTELY is caring of Marvelous Queen, heck, even more publicly shown rather than Bean or Bark. Now ye he could just not CARE about Bean or Bark but that’s just a lie. Even at the worst, he NEEDED fighters near him to help his journey. That’s just how it is to me :]

But I think what makes Marvelous Queen so much more valuable is the point I already shared: It’s what defines him. It’s what brings the power to HIM ONLY. With Bean and Bark, it makes TEAM HOOLIGAN look good. With the Marvelous Queen, FANG’s impressive. Because it’s such a great device Fang uses perfectly. So it means SO MUCH to him if he had the Marvelous Queen by his side.

…Which is sad, if you know the fact the Marvelous Queen EXPLODED IN HIS DUCKING FACE [Trip I love you but ARHGHHGHJG-

Oooh so if you know me, there’s been two other pictures like this. One being of him thinking “WHERE’S BEAN AND BARK?” and the other more so “I cannot be a failure AGAIN.” This one is…a lil new to me for some reason but I’ll still use it!

Ok well the first one was the “WHERE’S BEAN AND BARK?” Which goes great with dis one! Both are worried about WHERE Bark and Bean are because they’re supposed to be there for Fang. Like always.

In the last one, he’s just…alone, with no one he’s really thinking about probably BECAUSE he doesn’t want to think about Team Hooligan.

Yknow cuz if I was in his raggedy shoes, I’d ALSO feel pretty put down from two hooligans who now seem to be judging me! It’s understandable! What he’s so ignorant about is the fact he CARES about these goobers. Yes he uses them to get paid and shiz but he’d also had GREAT chemistry with them!! They were a solid team who just had FUN for darn sakes!

But perhaps he’s getting too stuck in the comfort. Bean doesn’t have the calm social skills and Bark is practically ignored. They’re a strong unit but not mentally!! You have a good soul being pushed aside, an emotional help who’s getting mad, and an insecure leader who’s getting pissy.

This isn’t who they USED to be, heck the reasons as to what changed kinda boggled me. But I DO understand how

Fang felt like he was going through more trouble with Bean and Bark, hence he didn’t even BOTHER to ask them to come back

He cares about his self worth more than his team, because he doesn’t want to be a failure. He wants to gain money and power so he’s strong.

Because of 2, he’s forgetting he truly loves his team. That they actually help him throughout his journeys but he’s taking them for granted. I guess he sees the Marvelous Queen as ALL. HE. NEEDS.

aight so we all getting this?? Ok ok

Ok ok just a lil note before a bigger notice-he DOESS say his team mates’ names for alert. But in one of my older posts, I still do believe when Fang’s first confused where his team is, that he’s saying their names out of fear. Because now he’s scared. [in that past moment]

ANYWAYYYY

Ahme kewhbfe this was from the new sonic channel art!! [it might not be too new now ASHFVGWR]

Ya see how the first image tells their relationship? How Fang is…[gasp/silly] INSIGHTFUL??? This may not mean much but the fact I brung up him being ignorant for so long-this is new

Because I thought Fang didn’t care for Trip AT ALL when Superstars first came out-then I saw the pancake image and went “Oh ok so he does like Trip in the sense she is caring and loyal” and this…OH WOWHW HWOH OHWIDWH THIS

It’s only the English translation, but “I wonder what Fang thinks when he sees Trip, who obeys without giving up…” IS SUCH A STRONG MYSTERY

Like ye, what *DEOS* HE THIJNK?? [what does he think pft]

Personally, I think he’s reminding himself of his team and Marvelous Queen

But what’s so special about her is that she isn’t doubtful to Fang as much as Bean and Bark. Yknow cus Bean and Bark has more of their own identity and sternness. And with the Marvelous Queen, heck she can’t speak a word! She’s just the product of what Fang needs to win a battle or win some cash. Trip is like the cheap Walmart version of a Marvelous Queen. But instead of being perfectly one noted as Fang’s helper, she’s clumsy. Though it seems Fang is not TRULY mad about that. Because he’s being respected, saluted, and seen for the wonder he is-/lyrics sorry I love the lion king sm

So…I think he’s gaining more control! I think with a newbie gal such as Trip, he’s getting more insightful on how he acted or acts now. From Superstars/Trio of Trouble, he’s anxious and passionate for being a successful man. But in here, which is supposed to be before Superstars, he’s extremely cocky and forgetting social queues. And for Fang’s Big Break, well I say it does seem like a break! From just…being Fang and not Team Hooligan, Fang’s a lot less crazy or extreme. He’s more calm and collected. Maybe it’s the fact he got too comfortable with being the leader in Team Hooligan. Got too ignorant and was left with no one at the end. Now he’s learning. All anew! With Superstars, he’s grown to a new light. Trip seems to have left a mark! She made Fang more insightful but of course at the expense of Fang losing himself. [As in, the Marvelous Queen]

So I wonder where Fang will go now!! Will he get with Bean and Bark again?? Will he learn to be a better jerboa?? If Trip and Fang really get their new adventures…could we learn more? Ig we’ll never know until there’s more content. At least it’s exciting!

I just hope wherever Bean and Bark are, that they aren’t too mad at Fang. Maybe the separation is what heals them? Because at the core, they’ll ALL unstable. Darn it, Sega, give us more Hooligan content!!/silly but yeh!

[master-of-stupidity]

Fuck it gonna put all my Tangled rants into a single thread that I'll just continue on if needed-

Oldest to newest btww (also spoilers most of these r about Eugene btw ik ik I'm a lil autistic spare me 💀)

That one part of Bruno is Orange but Eugene coded-

"Did you hear about that Father

Sent his own infant son away

And said "It's to *dangerous* for

you to stay so, I had to *save* you" "

I may be cringe but I am FREE

Yo omg ok so my brother is singin a Into the Woods song while I look at Tangled stuff n it made me remember a scene from the play where Gothel yells at the Prince "Rapunzel can think for herself!" n like- dude Cass said the same thing in Cassandra's Revenge to Eugene! Ooo girlll-

The way I would kill so many ppl if it meant getting a series about Lance n Eugene as kids like broooo imagineee-

Its crazy how like I'll be enjoying my day than suddenly I'll see a post of a mf going "Hey what if Eugene thought he was a yr younger cuz he was like a rlly scrawny kid?" Yeah ok sure n what if I hit u with a *metal pole*

My tangled ocs r so random its hilarious- like it goes from a bodyguard,a greedy businessman,a ringleader,n than that one serial killer who turns ppl into meat pies like how did we get here???? 😭🙏

I just remembered like just a few days ago my brother randomly said "vase" while playing Fortnite n my ass just said "vAHse" just to fck w/ him n like that kinda reminded me of that one scene of Eugene n Cass like damn they were sibling coded frrr lmao I miss em

Wdym there was a scrapped Eugene n Lance childhood episode??🧍And WDYM it's literally everything I ever wished for and more???????? 😃

Would love to see Eugene n Martin Kratt interact solely to see Martin be appalled n slowly lose his mind over how Eugene knows jackshit about animals 💀🙏

I think the Eugene genderbends look so weird to me because none of them kept the infamous goatee like cmon man don't be a coward give that girl some facial hair 🗣🗣

I should not be relating Heather's music to scenes from Tangled the Series yet here we r 😭

Omggg thinking about how Eugene proposing to Rapunzel in tts came from his abandonment issues n him literally not being able to see a life without Rapunzel omgg shut upppp leave me ALONEEE

Literally despise with every fiber of my being how the writers of the shitty Wreck it Ralph 2 movie had fcking RAPUNZEL of all ppl say "Do ppl assume all ur problems were solved just because a big strong man showed up?" They fcking HATEE the movie Tangled *so much* bro istggg

OMFG THE VOICE OF KING FREDRIC FROM TANGLED IS MR. FCKING KRABS WHAT?????

The way I wanna be bold n talk more about the "Over the Corona Walls" ep- esp about Staylan n Eugene n all the icky implications of that but I'm also so scared too cuz I fear ppl won't take me seriously or think I'm overanalyzing too much 😭🙏

Lowkey not over the fact Eugene was willing to trap himself back in an abusive relationship, "leaving" the one person he HAS died for n would die for again, all to save his best friend like bro don't TALK TO MEEEE

As u can tell I am totally normal n not at all ill about Eugene or this show 😁

What if I gave Eugene like- slight wedding trauma after the whole "Beyond the Corona Walls" incident??? I think it'd be kinda cool n in character ngll 🤭🤭

No but that prompt for the unaired Lance n Eugene episode STILL makes me so fcking ill bro stg can't STAND those mfss bro 😭😭

"And if I gave up on being *pretty* I wouldn't know how to be ALIVE" is SO Eugene coded idc idc idccccc

You think if I put Eugene Fitzherbert in The Amazing Digital Circus he'd be a walking dumpster fire considering he needs an identity to function n in TADC u like- quite literally don't have one??? 💀

Was listening to an audio last night n now I kinda wish we knew like- what Eugene's mom was actually *like* in a way considering I don't think her character was ever explored :((

Why is this plushie literally Eugene Fitzherbert omgg I want it nowwww

To the ppl who only see others as their pfps lowkey rlly hope y'all just see me as jester Eugene Fitzherbert cuz that'd be rlly funny n I'd love that 💀🙏 like yes I truly am just Eugene in a jester fit yappin my ass off on twitter dot com LMFAOOO (btw follow me @/theratbatjester)

[weepspidey]

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other . . . ⋆ link 2 my post with my ed & sh stats ⋆ alt blog with important things from this blog : @weepspidey ⋆ poem blog : @fleshspidey ⋆ rentry (more links in my rentry so check that out!!!)

remember!!! block DON'T report this blog if you need 2 ^^ this blog is meant as a way 2 vent my feelings/talk about my feelings so please don't dm me about how it's bad. i am aware.

[localcryptidinthewoods]

rockstar au !!

hotel room / sleeping edition!

@that-one-i-think has already said who bunks w who and it makes sm sense, imma just repeat it (plus add info) incase you have not seen that whole thread of reblogs

irene & shad room together unless their on a break, in which shad will go with menphia and irene will go with kul’zak.

irene always demands the best hotel room with the best room and view, and will annoy the others to switch with her if the one she got originally didnt match what she wanted. she has a 30 step skin + hair care routine, and has done that one trend of the “i cant do nights” of her post routine (she does so much and too much in order to avoid aging and keep her hair perfect). you would think irene would be a pretty sleeper because of how she acts but i think she sleeps like a truck just hit her. sprawled out all over the bed, blankets on the floor and everything. her side of the room is a mess cuz shes the kinda person who throws her whole closet on the floor trying to figure out an outfit.

shads kinda the opposite, he could care less if the hotel room is nice aslong as it has a half decent bed. has a skin + hair routine mostly because irene forces him to do it, its just not as intense as her. hes the pretty sleeper in that relationship, he sleeps like a pretty princess which is very funny bc dudes buff, covered in tattoos and has a death glare that could kill. i think hes a big cuddlebug when hes sleeping. i think hes also the type of guy to check that the doors actually locked 30 times and that theres no secret cameras before being able to sleep. his side of the room is pretty clean other than shoes being scattered around.

menphia & enki room together, they arent particularly picky with rooms, they just need one with a good ac system bc menphia runs hot. their room is ussaly the messiest along side irenes due to the same reasons, exept both of em do it. the two of them also spend 80% of the night gossiping and talking shit about others with one another.

menphia has a normal skin care routine but a heavy hair care routine. i think she dyes her hair a lot but wants to do the best she can to maintain it healthy + her hair is really really thick so its just extra work all around. shes the type of person who steals stuff from hotel rooms ranging from the toiletries to pillows to one time she stole the ironing thing some hotels offer bc they lost theirs and needed a new one. has probably set off the sprinklers in a hotel, how? idk yet but its happened. menphia sleeps curled up like a cat (mostly bc i’ve been headcanoning her as a meif’wa) and tends to purr in her sleep / in order to fall asleep

when irene & shad are on break / arguing, her and shad share rooms and when they do jesus fucking christ is it loud. they’ve almost gotten kicked out of hotels n motels because of it. the two just have an emo reunion. menphia lets shad rant about irene to her cuz she knows that he dosent really get to talk about it very often and that it helps him when he does.

enki has a normal skin care + hair care routine, just the basics. i think their pretty lucky when it comes to that area so they dont have to do a lot. enkis def the person who goes out for vending machine drinks & snacks in the middle of the night when they cant sleep tho and almost always wake up menphia whenever shes sleeping when trying to get back in no matter how quiet he walks in just cuz menphias a lightish sleeper. enki snores but its not annoying, its more like soft snoring. i think enkis a side sleeper who forces herself to sleep on her back but he always ends up on their side bc comfy.

when menphia rooms w shad, enki is stuck rooming with esmund. it’s ok, esmunds a really nice roommate its just…awkward? i suppose? they dont have a lot in common that their aware of other than the band. the night is spent with them both going to bed early after talking small talk for a little bit. so yeah awkward nights.

speaking of esmund, esmund and kul’zak room with one another. their room is the cleanest by far. kul’zaks side is a little messy but its mostly blankets on the floor n what not. the two of them talk about everything and anything, from The Divine band to their own little two person band Lament, they talk about new songs to write and old songs, they talk about the past and their futures and what they want to do with it.

esmund has the basic skincare + hair care, nothing extra other than what you need. i dont think he worries about that kind of stuff too much, but irene is always trying to get him to buy more products n what not. i dont think esmund uses a lot of blankets when sleeping, one at most, just bc he dosent get cold easily yk. i think he sleeps on his back cuz comfy, and i think he snores too much like enki. i think esmund is the kind of guy to always make his bed in the mornings and kul’zak tells him its fine that he dosent have to but esmund is just like: its the polite thing to do !!!!

kul’zak is part of the 15 step hair care routine club, i think this man has beautiful curly hair that he takes care of extremely well. his skin care is normal but his hair care is extra just like irenes is. kul’zak is a side sleeper for sure, curled up too. very comfy. he has to sleep with 5 blankets and 6 pillows otherwise he cannot sleep. only exeption to this rule is if hes sharing a bed with esmund.

kul’zak is the one that rooms with irene whenever her and shad r on a break. he lisents to her rant and go on her angry tangents which turn into frustrated tears and her yelling into a pillow while smiling and nodding. i feel like irene & kul’zaks nights either go with him nodding qnd smiling while she rants or the two of them having a really deep conversation about a situation, one or the other and its ussally the former. since irene sleeps like a truck hit her he’s ussally able to sneak out and see the others before going to bed himself.

[gladdygirl18]

This one is gonna be somewhat of a quick TTS, but knowing me, its gonna end up being longer than expected

TW: slight angst, mention of sex

Blue me, orange BF

So about a few days ago, either Monday or Tuesday, my boyfriend went to the mall and I had gotten some pokemon cards. We have this thing where we would buy them and open them together.

well.... i got a little impatient and opened a few without him. in the end we opened the rest of them but on the drive back to his place, i could tell he was upset cuz the drive was too quiet. When we got back to his house, he had this upset and disappointed look on his face, and it was almost frightening. Making this clear, he didn't yell at me or strike me (he is not that kind of boyfriend at all)

after i apologized and said that if he was upset still, I was going to give him some space. he then had me sit on his lap and had a talk about patience, and i absolutely felt horrible because (side rant) my boyfriend and I are waiting to have sex on our marriage night because of my religion. I'm Christian and waiting until marriage to have sex is a deal breaker for me. If you are not willing, then we're not meant to be together, and my boyfriend is willing to wait however long it takes. Yeah, he talks about what he wants us to do on our marriage night, but have we ever did it? Nope. He always tells me im worth the wait, which is why he is waiting

This is something big that he is waiting for with me, and I felt awful cuz i couldn't wait 5 minutes for him to open pokemon cards. After he went upstairs to grab something to eat, I had basically curled up into the corner of the couch and kinda wept silently (i am a very emotional person and if i do smth that isn't "acceptable" or right or if i accidentally and unintentionally upset someone, I tend to let it eat away at me and i cry)

I then kinda fell asleep for a bit and then I just hear my boyfriend saying "Glas, I'm here. I love you. Don't apologize I'm here. It's ok"

I woke up in sweat and tears and laying in my boyfriend's arms.

"Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah, w-what happened?"

He just shook his head and pulled me closer. Then I started tearing up again, saying over and over "I'm sorry. I should've waited you. You're waiting with and for me for something big and I can't even wait for you to open pokemon cards."

"Hey hey, its okay. I forgive you. I was a little upset yeah, but I shouldn't have expressed it as if i was angry at you. I'm sorry. You have nothing to apologize for."

For like half an hour, I just kept crying and saying "I'm sorry" because I genuinely felt so bad for what I did, even though it was something so small, it was something we did together and i kinda ruined it by not waiting to do it with him.

After I finally calmed down, my boyfriend scooped me in his arms, "are you feeling better, honey?"

"a little..."

"good enough for me!"

he then starts tickling me all over (side rant but related) whenever I am tired or feel emotionally drained (especially after crying a lot) I literally become numb to tickles. Like its just a weird sensation that doesn't make me laugh, giggle, or squirm. My boyfriend is very persistent though, and always knows how to break through that numbness.

"Come on, baby, please laugh."

he then moved to my feet, tore off my socks, and started tickling them. I will say I was squirming a lot, but I wasn't laughing.

"I really need to buy you those cuffs.... that way I can tickle you mercilessly!"

AEUTUWNFNAFUGE I CANT WITH HIM 😭😆💖

The way he said that made him sound so silly and goofy. He then started tickling my thighs, sides, armpits, my neck, and he was just cooing teases at me.

"Tickle tickle tickle!" "Coochie coo!" "Tktktktktk!"

When he started tickling the spot near my waist and hip, I finally started laughing, and my boyfriend couldn't help but laugh along. I remember sliding off the couch with my top part hitting the floor, and ofc, my boyfriend took advantage of that and started tickling me until I fell on the ground.

After that, we went into the kitchen to heat up some late night dinner. I then reached up and hugged him, "Thanks for that, and again, I'm really sorry for not waiting."

"Again, you have nothing too apologize for. I don't even like the pokemon cards that much, but I like opening them with you because I know it makes you happy when you get the really rare ones"

I DONT DESERVE HIM 😭😭💖🥰😭💖

so yeah, not much tickling tickling in this but i needed to give the context. sorry if it was a bit on the angsty side, and i will say i was tearing up a bit writing this cuz even now, it still hurts a bit, even tho my boyfriend has forgiven me for it.

More to come, so stay tuned!

tagging: @giggly-squiggily @sunstone-smiles @otomiyaa @burningablaze @cutesmokes @jettorii

[unheavenlybody]

social life in shambles rant below. bye

a big part of me suspects i'm just being irrational and overly sensitive constantly agonizing over my relationships w ppl.. but on the other hand is it rly too much to ask of someone to express that they miss you/think about u or to at least show some enthusiasm abt spending time with you after a stretch of time when they claim they care abt u. all i'm getting is indifference or at best mixed signals. like i hate not seeing or rly even texting these ppl in question for weeks/months at a time but they always seem so unbothered. whenever plans are proposed they always have this air of "oh i guess we can do that if you want, but i don't really care either way"

do i fucking matter to you or what. am i someone you interact with only when you've got nothing better to do or who you reach out to out of some sense of pity/obligation? like i'm willing to acknowledge maybe i am making a problem out of nothing here. and i'm certainly not asking for them to make me the center of their universe or anything.. but it's just nice to know that i actually mean something to someone, that they value your time together and look forward to it. especially when i think abt them fairly often and miss them tons. i always have things i wanna talk to them about or songs or memes i wanna send them, places i have bookmarked for us to visit together, but i have to stop myself. the thought of sending it ends up feeling like an inconvenience. cuz i know they'll just take days to weeks to reply, or they might not even get around to it at all.

i just hate not being able to trust my own perception of things & feeling like such a lonely nonfunctional freak!!! i can't tell if it's anxiety brain making me feel as if others view it as such a chore to be around me. i try so so hard to appear chill and not needy or anxious (and probably don't succeed lol) and i'm never fully convinced that anyone likes me that much even if they say they do, cuz their actions don't always match up with their words. and ive been misled before lol. i don't expect to have access to anyone 24/7 but i already feel like i'm asking for the bare minimum and even that is not being met so :---) i just want to cry cuz it seems ppl don't put that much effort into relationships anymore. i just want to connect with someone and support each other and make each other happy sorry for the cringe byeee

idon't like to be confrontational or nitpicky and i try to appease ppl and hide my anxiety/ocd/whatever bullshit is going on in my brain so they'll like me and so i can entertain them but it gets me nowhere and i'm exhausted :-). it's my own fault for doing that and not being my true self yeah yeah i know ok. i hate feigning nonchalance but whenever i speak my mind a tiny bit i end up feeling humiliated & worried i come across as desperate. i have no one to blame but myself whatever whiny repetitive rant over goodnight

[l0v3sickl0s3r]

sad f/o rant 😔

ok can we talk about how fucking HARD it hits when u see ur f/o w/ someone else?? cuz it hurts just as bad, if not worse than with real actual live humans… i forgot what those are but like y’know why it hurts? cuz u can’t do anything about it. and the characters that are (probably) being shipped, are usually a well-liked ship at that! so if u reach out and say anything about it, it’s pretty safe to assume not many people will agree with you. so you shut the hell up. but it’s not good to bottle up your emotions. so you go on tumblr to let it out ANYWAY! it gets even worse cuz even if u wanted to do something about it, u can’t! u can make a animation of u hurting the characters, u can write about how ur feeling, u can even practice some self-care!

but it still hurts. because “they’re just fictional characters.” u can’t physically do anything about it if u wanted to. so you feel… stuck. chained up. trapped.

[orchidsangel]

ok i wanna start this by saying this is pure rant. totally unimportant feelings about the show. i’d do a whole analysis or essay type thing but i’ve done enough of that against my will </3

i started titans for nightwing and starfire bc they were my favorite actors. seriously anna diop is so gorgeous i couldn’t get over it and still won’t. in a way, i also started watching for jason because it seemed like a whole new take on his character (bc it was) and i was excited on how they’d do the whole robin/red hood story with the titans. jason’s introduced as the immature and loud teenager which didn’t seem like a good idea for the red hood part of his story but he’s also still robin at this point. at the time i think he was moreso there to introduce nightwing’s development and departure from being robin because batman in this show is just yucky. i don’t remember enough to talk about that tho lawl

then it gets suckier than it started because out of nowhere the whole team starts treating jason like shit. he goes from the goofy one to the young and always angry character and that’s when i just KNEW they were finna fuck him over. first off the team (nightwing, star, raven, yada yada) takes in this girl rose wilson bc slade’s trying to kill her. if you guessed that she’s actually there to help slade kill the titans or whatever then you’d be right, she’s basically like tera from the judas contract if you watched that. and they made her jason’s LOVE INTEREST and at first they were cute but UHJHJGJFJFJ i cant start on that rn

so like i said earlier right now jason’s the immature angry teenager of the group. at some point someone (im pretty sure it was rose) pranks everyone by putting some fucked up shit in their rooms, like drawing crosses all over raven’s room. tell me why EVERYONE AUTOMATICALLY BLAMES JASON??? they just assumed he did it for whatever fucking reason. so that’s one way the team treated him like shit 😭 another ginormous part to this: yk how jason goes after the joker even tho batman told him not to?? it’s basically that but instead of the joker it was slade that he went after. got kidnapped and tortured cuz what’s a jason todd character w/o that right. then he ALMOST died but didn’t bc superboy saved his life, blah blah blah all this other stuff and then he almost commits suicide! wowww so fun!

so at this point i’m thinking “ok thst was weird but trust the process right???” long story short nightwing fucks up, team disbands, jason and rose disappear for the whole next season or wtvr, then in a random episode jason and rose are basically confirmed to be dating and i think they live in part of bruce’s mansion or smth??? idk anyway over the course of a few episodes we see their relationship develop and they’re actually kinda cute. like jason fake proposed to her with six bigass sandwiches that he made and it was so adorable and BOOM rose tells him she was originally supposed to sabotage the titans and that’s why the team disbanded so he’s like “ykw fuck you” and then he disappears AGAIN. this was very random so i just assumed it was supposed to add on to why he did what he did later on…

ok now when he comes back we get into red hood. i guess they kinda mashed jason’s original story with the arkham knight story??? i forgot exactly what happened but i think what happened was he got buddy buddy with scarecrow and reverse engineered his fear gas so that it gives you a munch of adrenaline and makes you fearless or wtvr. this was one of my least favorite things about this interpretation of jason because making him rely on drugs to do the things he wants to without fear just. does not make sense to me??? if anything i feel like jason would despise drug addiction and things of the like but that’s neither here nor there! so now he’s pumped full of drugs and he goes to find the joker. then he dies and gets dumped in the lazarus pit in the same episode so him dying has literally no significance. THEN BRUCE KILLS THE JOKER. so now i’m stuck like wtf are they finna do with this narrative??? literally eliminated one of the biggest parts of red hood. atp i’m wondering where tf they’re going with this and the answer is they went NO WHERE WITH IT. jason becomes red hood (and no hate to curran walters but it was lame as fuck) and does a lot of fucked up shit because scarecrow promised him power or whatever so now there’s no depth to what he’s doing and it takes him getting kidnapped and almost killed for the THIRD TIME before he decides he’s not doing the right thing. so he says fuck scarecrow and tries to help the titans stop whatever he was doing and ugh it’s just such sucky writing.

tl;dr only thing that kept me watching was a thirst for jason todd content, brenton thwaites and anna diop. like there are probably hours worth of stuff in that show i skipped bc it had nothing to do with the only three things i cared about. only thing that i was satisfied with was nightwing and starfire being together. there’s more stuff i could add but this was specifically for jason and how let down i was 💔

-🦦

that genuinely seems like a shit show. like idk if i could handle that. the way they mashed up like ALL of his "death and resurrection" plots?? no ma'am. you're better than be for even watching all of that because i simply couldn't. i've seen tiktok edits of rose and jason from titans and, not to sound like a broken record but, her wig??? kill me now.

i also just don't like curran walters as jason. he's too pocket-sized idk.

ALSO. i looooooooooove judas contract so bad. one of my fave dcau movies, just so fucking good!!

[gracethefoundfamilyfan]

ok ok ok i gotta rant a little bit

idk if im ace or aro or not and im cool w not knowing cuz i barely know anything about myself atm i just starting forming my own personality actively like a year and a half ago

BUT

i always assumed i would end up without a bf, out of all of my friends, bc my goals in a hypothetical relationship are to be best friends and borderline soulmates before even BREACHING the topic of romance. this is made easier by the fact that i have literally NEVER felt physical attraction towards anyone, and i'm a young adult, ok? everyone i know except for my aro friends have been in at least one relationship. not to say guys haven't tried!!! i've had two or three people ask me out, and i loved all of them-- just not in that way. my faith calls me to love all people unconditionally and deeply, to value and treasure them as a reflection of perfection and a deep, vast universe of experiences greater than i can begin to comprehend, and so, yes, i love people. my friends and i are very physically affectionate, and our conversations are deep and meaningful, and we show up for each other and care for each other and i think we love each other well. i try to extend that love to everyone i meet, no matter who they are. I love everyone, and i invite everyone to show love back! but not romance. i've never experienced that.

but lately something has felt different with this one specific guy. we've known each other for about seven years thru church. he's a year older than me, but he's so mature it feels like we live on different planets-- until this year, when we both applied to be summer interns at our church and got accepted. suddenly me and Mysterious Quiet Man are spending 30+ hours a week working side by side managing events, remodeling the children's room, leading projects, cooking meals, cleaning out closets-- and you know what? i'm so intimidated by this quiet stoic guy that I literally don't talk to him unless i have to. we work in companiable silence unless it's absolutely necessary for us to talk, because he's an introvert and idk how to do life. still, being in the same space teaches me a bit about him. He doesn't know as much as I think he does, it's just that he's so quiet I always assume he knows what's going on. He actually is capable of making mistakes-- he misspelled the name of the church on a pdf he sent for 50+ signs and had to fix it-- and he's really self-conscious about his art. we have a few artists in common when it comes to music taste. etc.

and then. AND FREAKING THEN. we go to church camp. Our one week off the whole summer, and we're both so in need of release that we turn into complete freaking idiots. AND! AND! WE ACTUALLY START TALKING!

he likes really deep, complex mystery books. he's terrified of graduating. he feels like he's leaving his life behind. he's going into trade school to be an electrician. he plays d&d. he thinks i'm an okay drummer. he loves swimming. his cousin drives him crazy but he would take a bullet for her, and if i tell her that i'm screwed. he does INCREDIBLE Renaissance fair costumes. his whole family is into music and he's grateful that he has people to teach him stuff. he's the most Band Kid in existence. he's super into coffee but hates how caffeine feels. Little people scare him. He loves hiking. He wishes he was more athletic, like his dad. he wants to write a book, but he doesn't know what yet. he's a good leader when he has to be. He hates raising his voice.

And he thinks I'm funny.

HE THINKS I'M FUNNY. In a dorky, kinda awkward way, sure, but good LORD I made him smile more than I've ever seen him smile at that camp (especially when he scared me and i did a full on backwards roll into my sister, that was fun), and I'm so freaking proud of myself for that.

still, all of this is normal for me! I love discovering new things about people! My respect and genuine appreciation for human beings grow when I begin to understand them, wow, that's how that works! That means nothing!

and then we lead the last four weeks of August Sunday school, and he helps me with my message when it feels like it's falling apart, and he gives me a little (awful) pep talk when I feel like I screwed up. He says I work better with kids than he ever could. I tell him you just have to treat them like really new adults. He crushes his next lesson.

and then we teach a bunch of kids science for a week. He helps me keep them in check, I help him not get too stressed over the details. the lady running the camp asks us to put together a crime scene for the kids to solve at the end of the week, with us as the culprits. we sign our names on secret plans, tear them up, scatter them around. we make it obvious that we leave right before the time of the crime so they'll suspect us. when he leaves, i make sure they notice, 'cause he's not quite loud enough. we scatter cookie crumbs around our chairs. we have not-so-quiet little conversations about the morality of stealing cookies with the other kids. We let the director chew us out for disappearing, and he asks if i'm ok when her Oscar-worthy performance actually scares me a little bit. the kids drag all the suspects into the hot seats. they examine our hands. a jury forms, and a police team-- i freaking love these kids, if i haven't made that clear, they're little geniuses when you actually let them use their imaginations. We get questioned. Our handwriting gets examined. So do our fingerprints. Then (my favorite part) we improv a whole story about how we're innocent, throwing shade at my sister and her stuffed sheep. Then we twist it on the director, bc she's the only one with access to the kitchen (not true btw). The kids see thru our lies, bc half of them have parents who've worked here to feed the homeless or make breakfast on Mother's Day or whatever. He yells at people. I yell at my sister. We put on a freaking awesome performance, and my energy bounces off of his-- we make a great team, and I haven't seen him this energetic ever. My sister makes a stupid joke, and he's so caught up in it that he laughs so hard he ends up on the floor. I buzz about that for the next hour.

Then, he gets incriminated. Playing my part, I pull the Among Us move and try to get him in the spotlight so I get voted innocent. They're about to take him away.

And then he grabs me by the shoulders, heaves me up, forces me in front of him, and says "IF I'M GETTING CAUGHT, SHE'S GOING DOWN WITH ME!" We get darn near tackles by a swarm of kids who are totally in-character-- one of them has even got the waterworks going, and he looks at me and says 'I trusted you, mom!'. I give my tearful apology, and then I wrench myself free (he never let go, that's kinda weird) and declare: "OKAY, FINE, YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT WE DID? DANIEL, YOU GAVE US AWAY, WHY DON'T YOU TELL THEM"

cue four minutes of what my friend called 'old married couple arguing' over whose fault it was.

and then we reveal the ice cream sandwiches we supposedly made with the cookies we supposedly stole, and all of a sudden we're forgiven.

best afternoon ever spent.

slight caveat.

forty kids now ship me and him. one of them makes a little heart with our initials on it. he sees it. i don't get to see his reaction bc my sister almost drops a whole gatorade cooler worth of lemonade and i have to run over to help her.

and then, the internship is over. we don't see each other for another month. when we do, he's an adult staffer, and i'm still just an assistant. but he sticks around the youth stuff, since we don't have anyone who can play the lower bells on the youth handbell choir. i get a new little Padawan to teach in the ancient technique of making metal things go clang. I'm also lined up in the perfect way that I can see his eyes light up every single time we get a complicated polyrhythm right or finally manage to hit a key change without sounding like a horror film just started. i also get to see him bounce when our director tells him he can chaperone on our trip to the bell fest if he wants.

bell fest gets cancelled. the director gets us permission to use the church and host our own. guy in question is the first one to get there and the last one to leave, and i'm second. old internship habits die hard. or maybe we just care too much.

"It's not quite the same," he says when I ask, "but it's still really nice."

i think he thinks it's about the people, just like I do.

That's also when I notice we both have a little brown freckle in our eyes. His are ice blue, though, and they've got little patterns in them. I was only looking to make sure he was telling the truth.

we host a local mission trip, and i get to see him chase the goof of the group around trying to get his weedwhacker back. two nights later, I'm trying to get said goof off my drum set ten minutes before a performance so we can do our final soundcheck and Guy stares him right off the stage, and then gets all of us waters and me a pad so my stupid kick will stop sliding around. I hadn't even thought to ask.

now it's two months later, and our church is fracturing. we've gone a year and a few months without a pastor, and people are getting tired of it. Everyone's doing a little more than they can handle trying to fill the wake our old (retired) pastor left behind. there's spiritual warfare. the guy the pastor search committee brought in tried to convince us half of our Bible was fake. people are getting hit right in their weak spots, and people are scared, and everyone's getting hurt and tired and there's talk of giving up.

we hold a conference to air out our feelings. anything can be said. on mic. and it won't be held against us. we need to get messy, get empty, hug it out, and start fresh with all this petty crap behind us. we listen to person after person air out their fears, frustrations, angers, hurts, etc, and towards the end I get up and take the mic.

"I wasn't gonna say anything." I say. "I don't even technically belong here, because I'm not a member. I have no business telling anyone anything. But I think I have to say this. I know life sucks, and everything about our situation sucks, but you know what? I'm so proud of all of you. Most of the churches I know would've fallen apart by now. I've seen it happen. What you have here, this commitment, this vulnerability-- it's special. It's real. It's what God commands us to strive for, and it's something the world desperately needs more of. So please, don't stop. I know it sucks. But for the love of God, please keep fighting for each other, because none of us can afford to lose another family."

i sit down. my sister wouldn't come. she said it's not worth it. she thinks people hate her. she still (as of me writing this) won't tell me why.

after it's over, we sing. we sing of God's unending grace and mercy and we sing of trust and new beginnings and we pray for strength and unity and love that not even human hearts can create. and in the shadows of the dimly lit chapel, i think i see it. people of all ages and races, mostly in pajamas, a few unlucky ones still in their work clothes, hugging and talking and praying over one another when hours ago there had been coldness and anger. i walk over to his cousin, who spoke after me and begged the people to fight for us, so that we could have a place like this to go to when we have nowhere else to go. i think they listened to her. she really can't lose more family. I hug her. She's crying. I hug her aunt. She's crying too. Guy comes up. He thanks me for saying what I said. "I was disappointed, before," he says, "but now I can see what you mean. I wish I'd gone up too. You're right. We need to fight for this."

"What would you have said?" I ask. "If you'd gone up."

He says he had ideas, perfect speeches that would open eyes and turn hearts. He says that's not the way the world works, though, and he didn't feel like he had anything to add.

"I think it would've been great." I say. "Even if it's not perfect, it's still worth saying."

then the director comes over. He's gotten the short end of the Responsibility stick, and apparently what me and Cousin said got to him, because he hugs both of us and thanks us for telling him that the community he's given his life to is actually helping people. then he hugs Guy, too, and Guy hugs him back tight and scrunches his eyes closed, like he's holding on just in case he doesn't get another chance. and here he said he wasn't a hugger.

then we all go get dinner, and i see him laughing with his mom. there's a softness to him, and a light in his eyes that i rarely get to see. i'm almost jealous, that that wonderful side of him only really comes out with her.

it's been a couple weeks, and i still can't get that image of him out of my head. it's weird. part of me thinks i'm really into cracking people and getting to see who they are on the inside and why they do what they do and who they are, and I totally am, but usually that goes away after a couple weeks. it's been six months. maybe it's just because there's still so much i don't know about him? maybe because he's a music guy and i'm a music girl and i desperately need more friends who share that part of themselves with me? maybe it's because we've known each other for seven years but i'm about to leave for college and i'm desperate not to waste any more time? Maybe our souls just click.

point is, i have no freaking idea what romance is supposed to feel like and i love everyone a little too easily and i don't have physical attraction sensors so i can't tell if i'm really into him as a person or as a potential partner but it doesn't freaking matter because i'm leaving in like seven months anyways and i'm going to be hours away and I am not getting into a relationship right now. period.

BUT IM STILL UP AT TWO AM TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT SO SEND HELP

[cringelordofchaos]

SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT FREAKBLR MONTH SORRY

OK OK I'll just do both days I missed and today's prompt as wlel

Day 13 - a headcanon I have about a member of the jomies

I'm not sure what this exactly entails? Do I just go off and start ranting about each of the jomies or only one??? Ermmm idk I'll just do a bit for all of them (I'll save the sexuality and gender hcs for day 30 ofc)

Drew - Filipino (since his VA is as well), gift giving is his love language and others appreciating his money and gifts make him feel needed cuz his parents always showed him love with money but we're neglectful otherwise yada yada ya get the gist. has an expansive watch but not to check the time (he has his phone for that, which he's on 24/7) but just to show off and also appreciate what his parents give him cuz otherwise he doesn't feel wanted or maybe he feels like a drag idk I'm.spouting random shit rn.. had major depressive disorder. and possibly borderline personality disorder? not diagnosed w anything ofc. He loves feeling needed so when Jake found the music club who he obviously got along w better and that maybe appreciated him and accepted him more for who he is and when he realized Zoey's been cheating on him w someone that provided him w money and other stuff... yeah. loves raspberries. And also loves a bit of rap and maybe some video game music. He flexes his money for status and also bc that might make him feel like he needs them and loves them and they love him. ODFKKD FIFKFKKF. IDFK. it's canon in my head. she head on my canon till I uhh I forgot the meme. he loves zoey, jake, henry, liam all so fucking much, whyd they have to lie to him? make him feel like he could trust them only for them to turn their backs on him?

Jake - half french 🥖 🍟. Has ADHD - inattentive type. Is he diagnosed ? Idfk. Also might have some form of depression as well. He wears a star earring on his right ear along w the silver earrings he's shown wearing all the time. before the finale he mostly has a mindset of "oh, if you just don't expose the unwanted truth, the relationship can work out" which is why he lied and stayed w drew and also didn't tell him abt Zoey cheating on him. like yeah ahaha it can all work out it's fine. Sonic fan bc I'm a sonic fan and I want him to be one as well . He listens to Believe In Myself (Tails theme) all the time like shut up. he HATES horror movies and games - he gets so easily startled. Jomies is his fav band.

Lia - She (and Hailey) is an Olivia Rodrigo MEGA-STAN. I'm sorry how do i.explain. her songs are way too relatable for her and are a way she kind of in secret romanticizes her lfie ???? idfk. She has a crush on Jake bc maybe she could sense he was different from the rest of the jomies...?? like that they were maybe similar (whciht they are..). Idk. Doesn't think highly of herself, is actually pretty insecure and in middle school, despite hating Zoey she felt so oddly envious of her. Everything she had. Which is why she slowly started turning herself into her. Adopting a new style. Straightening her hair. Changing her behaviour. She knew it was wrong and at first just watched by the sidelines as Zoey would torture yet another innocent soul but yeah. Hailey and her are such petty exes shut up. That's what I think anyway. also she listens to lana del rey. i have actually only listened to one lana song but is that her vibe??? idk u tell me cuz i dont. her favorite colour is purple. also she has an awesome mom and at one point vents abt hailey to her and how shes messed up so bad and how she feels guilty. and her parents are pretty rich - idk maybe theyre lawyers or smth. ever since she started faking who she is for popularity, it fucking worked. but shes willing to give up on that in s2. also god let her make up w hailey pls.

Zoey - she also got into Olivia rodrigo lately and constantly talk abt how raw,real and girlbossy her music is while also kindaaa missing the point and emotional meaning of some of her songs. her family always make her feel extremely out of control and hopeless and theyre pretty abusive but zoey doesnt have the right language to explain it and she calls herself girlboss, puts herself above everyone else, cares a ton about her status and wants to be both loves and feared and even goes so far as to cheat on her cuz she has a messed up idea of what actual love is - and that is the way she gains control and the feeling of love, which she has a superficial idea of. and she feels Lesser at home but makes up for it at school. shes obviously popular but most people are just genuinely afraid of what shed do if they opposed her or if she didnt like them. though she still upholds a pretty great reputation and has many friends that love her and treat her like a goddess, at least thats what she thinks. might have NPD? but she aint diagnosed w anything. genuinely cares abt people and loves them but doesnt really Know.? She tries impressing the people she cares about so thatd they have a high opinion of her cuz shes SO fucking desparate for that kind of attention and praise, especially from the people shes closer to, cuz she doesnt get that at home. she also puts unrealistic beauty standards on herself. she loves drew. she loves lia. them? being absent from her life in s2 onward? haha what what do you mean she doesnt care. she didnt need them anyway. cuz shes such an independent girlboss an all yknow. haha. totally. she cheats on tests and otherwise doesnt pay attention to anything. she puts others down to feel above them. her favorite season is summer and she loves boba tea. anyway shell def go insane ik it. also for all the reasons ive given she DESPISES being genuinely vulnerable - it makes her feel lesser and weaker and like anyone cuold take adventage of her. but she will ACT cute and vulnerable and hurt to get what she wants, especially outta drew.

Henry - weeb since early childhood, MHA ultimate fan, chronig gamer (bad at it), masks his negative emotions by just playing the role of the "funny guy". i saw someone hc he has a lettuce fetish and that makes me wanna kill m- the world.

Liam - Mom is usamerican, dad is Serbian (why serbian? cuz hes so vampire coded (his fav colour is canoncally blood red and his fav drink is canonically red blood) and the word vampire comes from the serbian word vampir, and also the mythology kinda comes from around here too. idk) only knows a couple swear words in serbian though and thats it. hes horrible at serbian pronounciationn though cuz he grew up in usa his whole life. Aspec w internalized aphobia.aroflux? idk. chronic gamer (not THAT bad at it). actually more intelligent and emotionally mature than others give him credit for (THOUGH dont get mme wrong he still is pretty reckless). might have adhd? idk. but has horrible grades cuz he doesnt really pay attention to school. giant (tall). reddit user.

IM SO SORRY IF THATS NOW WHAT U MEANT BY THIS DAY. BC IT PROBABLY ISNT. i dont really care

THERES MORE but I don't have time I gotta catch up !!!

anyway I think I accidentally swallowed a bit of dust + dirt. again. throat.not feel good

@31days-of-freakblr

[zaustavitezemlju]

i need ta rant and i dont wanna go bother my friends. so why not add to my digital footprint lets go future employers if you find this enjoy

uh. cw for like. talk abt slurs/racism(?)/homophobia nd transphobia (kinda)

i keep loosing my friends cuz theyre all saying stupid shit. not dropping names but lets say his name is tincan. so tincan and I have been feiends for like 3-4 yrs now and hes a great dude. bit weird soemtimws but hes silly and were on the same wavelength roughly. well imagine my surprise qhere one day in class he just randomly says the n word and stafts cackling like irs so funny!!!!! (hes white btw.) yes king racial slurs are mx FAVORITE form of comedy 😍😍😍 and so ofc i turn to him and im like. tincan that isnt ok what. and he goes dwdw i have the pass ........,........ i think that speaks for itself. and so i go ok. this dudes weird! and i will probably not be talking to him anymore!! but then we have like break right. two weeks and im travelling. out of NOWHERE.DEADASS NOWHERE WE HADMT TWXTED IN AGES. this man sends me a fucking DICK PIC. WITH RHE FUCKING CAPTION OF "i gotchu man since you like dick" NOT OUT OF NOWHERE YOU DRIED LIZARD. and i also didnt have data so i couldnt even reply for ages and it was horrible. and ofc i reply like tincan. what the actual fuck. AND THIS MF GOES "mb i thought you liked dick" LIKE HE WAS DOING ME A FAVOR OR SOME SHIT. so i get PISSEDDD. and i contemplate blocking him and im like youve changed fast af and hes like well what have i done other than send that pic. I DUNNO. SAID THE N WORD? SAID THE F SLUR TO. MY. FACE. AND LAUGHED IT OFF? AGREED WHEN ONE KF YOUR FRIWNDS WAS BEING TRANSPHOBIC TO ME INFRONT OF ME EVEN THOUGH YOUVE PREACHED SO MUCH ABOUT HOW YOUD NEVER STAND FOR THAT???? and then tincan was like ohh okk im sorry ill change for you. idk why he added for you it was weird and creepy and icky. sigh idk what to do tho bc like i dont want to completely push him away bc he is a valuable person to have for like general school matters. but i also do NOT want to be friwnds w someone like that. im just emotionally distancing myswlf for now like im not talking abt personal shit w him and im being more like surface level in convos

hes not rhe knly one tho like my closest friwnd rn is also kind of jumping on the bandwagon. he was talking abt rhis guy who he calls sometimws online and like plays games with (minecraft n shi) and he was like "oh yea he says the n word but its funny because hes british" (yea the guys white ofc (the online guy))and then proceeds to show me a clip of this guy saying the n word while theyre on voice chat while barely managing to hold his laughter. how is this funny im sorry huh? and i just like nodded or whatever cuz i was utterly dumbfounded that he would ever like even find something as stupid and uncreative as that funny. like........... 😧

anyway. i texted him and i was like yo just warning you i dont like the direction youre changing in and if i hear you say the n word we arent chill anymore bc its way too many ppl now. like be so real

what is so funny abt a racial slur. ill never know!!!!!

[blogblogbloggittyblog]

march 28-june 20, 2023

i thought you’d be there when i died

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what sucks is well the whole fucking situation but what sucks is that i can’t control the fact that i blame her and i wish i could be mature but i feel like it’s her fuckinf fault for ruining my happiness he made me so happy and he made me laugh out loud till it hurt and now she gets that and that’s fine i guess but it fuckinf sucks and i hate her for it. and i hate him for not staying and making it work because it could’ve. at this point ig i have to admit it, i think i did love him. or do. idk and he fuckinf sucks for lying and manipulating me and he sucks so much for just getting to be happy continuously from me to her and maybe it’s egotistical to say that i made him better but idc i did and the fact that he showed no gratitude or fucking anything and just took all my hardwork and let her fuckinf piss all over it sucks. i wanted to tell him about joliver and the wombat stuffy and lana del rey’s album and i wanted to rant about english class and talk to him but i don’t get to do any of that anymore and it’s his fault but i can’t stop blaming her for it and i hate her because i can’t hate him

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i wish he still liked me i don’t know why i can’t get anyone to like me for more than a year

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i’m so not happy like i can’t stop thinking about him and i think it’s cuz i still think there’s a chance for us to get back together because let’s be fucking honest i love him and he made me rly rly happy and ik she can’t make him feel the way i did ik him better than she does and ik her she’s not like him at all and for fucks sake he was my best friend and i miss him i miss walking home with him everyday she’s such a fucking bitch for taking that away

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the scary thing is peoples unwillingness to stick it through and make it work like idk how evelyn and sidney did it but i’m so happy for them and they’re lovely and i wish i had someone who wouldn’t leave as soon as it stopped beinf so new and fresh and interesting and honeymooning like the thing is we could’ve made it work and we would’ve both been happy we were at the perfect point to start dating and being fully committed lmfso but i guess not like she was just there and she was cool and new and he didn’t know the shitty parts of her like he did mine and sure ig if he loved me he would’ve stayed so ig the problem is no one’s ever loved me enough to stay but i would’ve i rly would have he promised he’d wait and maybe the lie was true at the time ig he sucks he sucks so hard and i hate him i wanna walk home with him i want him to talk to me and go out with me on the weekends and tell me he likes me more than music and that i’m his favourite person and that i make him happier than anyone else and i wanna hold hands w him

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fuck u for ruining me

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he’s still the very first fuckinf thing i think about every time i wake up

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it sucks so fuckinf bad cuz he was the first person i genuinely believed liked me lmfao like i truly wasn’t worried abt it i mean i was at the end and i guess that says a lot i should’ve just seen the signs which i did i was just ignoring them

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ok so i’ve decided that he sucks. now does he actually suck, i don’t think so i think he’s fine and he’s just a person who got confused and didn’t know how to properly handle the situation and it’s fine like it’s not but it is. i wanna be very cohesive here so there’s nothing much left for me to nitpick after. what sucks is that he was my best friend and it wasn’t a gradual process it was a very cut and dry sudden loss basically and it sucked. but what i need to understand is that he doesn’t like anymore and if any part of him does it also doesn’t fuckinf matter because who cares, he made his choice and it’s good that he made it now instead of later on. sure it sucks i have to see him everyday but i can deal with it it’ll be fine. i wanna talk abt what i liked about him first. seems counterintuitive but idc. he was rly rly kind and nonjudgmental of everyone even if they were outright assholes. he put a lot of effort into our relationship and he was always there for me everyday. he made me laugh harder than anyone ever has before. he was respectful and not constantly horny and a dick. the fact that he liked music sm it made him physically smile, it was rly sweet. he takes real enjoyment in things he likes. all his friends think he’s so kind. that’s what made me like him in the first place. he’s so sweet to his mom. he always made time for me. he cared about my happiness even if it was without him. he never made me doubt that he liked me (obviously he did near the end but not before that). there’s also a lot of sweet memories and things but i don’t feel like talking abt those because that’s so much mental energy for smth that isn’t gonna accomplish anything. anyway. idk i think the suckiest part is getting to know someone so well down to the core and then losing them and watching them change. man am i cripplingly upseti don’t know what it is about me that becomes undesirable after a while. with sebastian it was that my feelings were too intense and i totally get that. but idk what it was with noah and idk what it was with dustin. because at first they both liked me more than i liked them. idk what changes. dustin said it was cuz i just didn’t seem like i liked him but that’s such bullshit because u could just ask me lmfao it sucks so bad because as hard as i try not to plan a future w someone i guess it just happens subconsciously and i rly thought we’d spend the summer together and do our university stuff together but i guess not. it’s ok i’m ok this can’t be any worse than noah except it can because noah just left and he had reasons, this is different cuz i have to see him and lake everyday and he quite literally didn’t even wait one fuckinf day like not even one. jesus

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i don’t know what it is about me that becomes undesirable after a while. with sebastian it was that my feelings were too intense and i totally get that. but idk what it was with noah and idk what it was with dustin. because at first they both liked me more than i liked them. idk what changes. dustin said it was cuz i just didn’t seem like i liked him but that’s such bullshit because u could just ask me lmfao

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i think i’m delusional lmfao the thing is i know he rly liked me at one point and ik u don’t rly get over the first person u liked and i also feel like when u don’t get to talk to someone and they stop being available u start liking them more and i feel like he didn’t realize what he was losing and i feel like the fact that he can’t look me in the eye means smth and i miss him and walking home with him and talking to him and knowing i’m his and he’s mine and i feel like if he ever liked me he’d feel that way too and my tarot cards said he likes me and he regrets it and ik that doesn’t mean shit but maybe it does yk but i think in reality he got tired of me and he found someone better who acted more interested in him and he forgot that we had that at some point too and he was like huh this is cool woah and she’s prettier and less insane and not clingy or if she is it’s in a cute cool way and he literally told me he didn’t mean it when he said he’s in love with me and he also said quite bluntly that he doesn’t like me like that anymore so idk what more signs i could fucking ask for lmfao not to mention them holding hands and him walking her home and him going to a party with her in which they were apparently cuddling which makes me sick to my fuckinf stomach like what a fucking i mean i can’t even be mad i did the same shit idk i just miss him and being friends with him and knowing i’m his favourite person and that he writes songs about me

sometimes i wish he could read all this. i feel like knowing someone cares abt u so much would make u care too but that could be a delusion

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lmfao he talked to me today. fucking pathetic loser. he hasn’t looked me in the eye in like two months

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ik this is edgy and emo but i wonder if the world was ending if you’d think of me

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she had a hickey on her neck today i think. go her ig. idk. i hate him so much

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now i have to pretend i can’t read ur mind

yk it could also just be me and my lack of being lovable because tbh maybe i am like maybe i do just fuckin suck because yeah idk man he could also just be a jackass

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i think my whole fucking life is just built upon how happy i was in the past and how miserable i am now. idk what i do wrong every time

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i spoke to him today and i wished him a happy early bday and he said thanks you too and that’s slightly funny and not dry i guess idk he doesn’t give a single fuck about me. i know that. noah confirmed that. he’s happy w her and he has not thought abt me like once and i need to fuckinf let it go man jesus christ but i miss him and i miss that i made him a bday card last year

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he laughed at my jokes today before she came to class. i hate that i know him and i hate that soon enough she might know him better than i ever did and i hate that she does the exact same things i did i hate it so much i

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i hate everyone i’ve ever loved for losing feelings because i don’t think i have. idk how i could

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idk i think the fact that he moved on so fuckinf immediately and with the person i was worried abt is the problem. and the fact that he told me he’s in love with me and that he doesn’t like me anymore in the same day. yeah man idk do i miss him yeah did he make me laugh harder than anyone else yeah was he really kind and gentle yeah but he also without any remorse of any kind or any acknowledgment or any appreciation for the time we had together, ruined our connection. like i hate how he did that i hate how it was even possible for him to do that and i hate her too

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it feels so unfair that she just took my support system. like who am i supposed to talk to abt my grandparents or my dad or myself or anything. why does she get to just do that. why does he get to just take himself away from me. like why is his happiness with her matter more than mine. i’m not sure what i feel. like i liked him so much but now idk because god idk

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does she know him better than i did that would suck. i think i just don’t understand why it ended like this. like noah said he just wasn’t in love with me anymore and honestly that hurt but it made sense like yeah sometimes u just don’t feel in love with someone anymore. how granted, even that we could’ve figured out but at least his reason made sense. i guess his does too it’s just upsetting. he stopped being interested in me when there was someone more interesting and exciting and less flawed to be interested in. that just sucks. i think it’s ruined my self esteem because i don’t know what’s wrong w me to have made him do this. like he’s so goddamn happy now and idk if i made him miserable. he never acted like i did he always said i made him even happier than music. idk. i guess there’s no difference between this and how i ended stuff with ruby to date sebastian. seb was more interesting and challenging and ig that’s what got me. idk. so i can’t blame him really. like it sucks that he did this but idk it hurts so much a lot of the time because it’s like. i want to tell him things and i wanna show him things and i wanna be with him and talk to him and i want to make him laugh but i can’t because she does all of that now and it’s so unfair because i don’t understand why she’s better than me. like i do, she’s prettier and smarter and more confident and cooler and more interesting but i don’t understand why i don’t deserve to be happy too. why do the two of them get to be fucking beaming at all times while i wanna kms. i just sound bitter now. i just wish he would’ve wanted to stay.

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it’d cool if this was true. i’m not sure how to deal with this to be honest because it’s never been like this before. when i’ve broken up with people i just never see them again and even then they have more respect for me than he did. but i have to see him every fucking day with her and it’s so fucking awful and idk what to do like i feel so shitty because why is he so happy with her i thought i made him happy. maybe i’ll talk to him tmrw idk why that would ever help but maybe it will but prob not that would just make things even fucking worse. i also took ten pills so let’s hope i don’t idk get sick

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i think that i deserve to be happy. and so does he. because he truly is not a bad person he’s allowed to make himself happy and he is and that’s good. and i’m allowed to be upset but i don’t want to be. i cant stop crying jesus christ but it’s not crying over him it’s crying over how i’m not happy and that’s not fair to her.

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i think that it’s going to take me a long time to get over this because i see them everyday. and because they do everything that i couldn’t do with him because of her. and he’s so happy and unapologetic and ig that’s good for him but darn tootin does it hurt

[sunflowerinpearls]

Husbands' words are not matching actions and vice versa. Hes been "venting" to "me" in front of our oldest (turning 16 may 10) on our "current" marriage?....problem(s).

I tried my best to keep my mouth shut and one time he asked me to play a song so I for one am so plugged up i cant really hear much, sometimes even music is too loud (sensory processing disorder) and I guess i didnt even hear him say something and the child caught on to what was happening and said "you're ignoring dad again"

So i spoke to her instead of him since she said it, & I said "I didnt ignore him. I didnt hear him. I was hyper focused on the song he requested me to play."

And then he went on just one of many other rants in front of her, asking "you dont think I ever hyper focus on anything? When Im home on my days off, I feel like im your servant" All day anytime I asked for help, to him I was demanding it and not appreciating stuff he did and then he would not stop talking about every single thing he did today around the house and for our children and its like.... ok cool.

And people get paid to do what i do here at home, every single day all day long. Didn't say it would be easy, however I did ask for help. He tried to say he understands im frustrated bcuz im home all day and i guess i interrupted and was rude bcuz i said "Its not THAT, at all" (cuz its...not?) Lastly i stumbled upon his fave song & started playing it & asked him to plz get me my night meds bcuz I am so fucking cold to the touch, esp to others. And moving makes it hurt.:// He said "You can just not play the song now. Thanks." So uhh.. Like all I am learning here is 1) I need to stop asking him to help me w/ literally anything and like he has said in the past which I clearly shouldve listened to: "If you (*me doing this: "cough" "cough") WANT something RIGHT NOW!, I'll have to get up and get it myself or wait until I he is ready to do it." And 2) I've been right all along. I cant count on even my own Husband so like uhh.... okay. And Now to him, I'm just a burden. Let alone ya know, i guess having influenza and not doing shit around the house "today" (literally just today, and actually, i still did some stuff which is better than none lol) and hes acting like he deserves a fucking gold medal. For what? Being a husband a father and taking responsibility of everything whilst your wife is ill? K. Never asking you for shit now. Ill send lists to him at work if the house needs anything. He hasnt had sex from me in a month because for the past 2 months steady, I have been sick with an upper respiratory virus affecting my asthma and everything else and now this so uhh, my bad. Next time I'll just faint (again) & hit my head probably (again) and then maybe, theyll see that hes just gonna send me by myself and come pick me up when Im done being in there because he has to sleep for work tomorrow. Not to ya know, dare mention that if the bulging disc in my spine "RUPTURES", all signs & symptoms of paralysis will hit fast & clearly that would become a huge Emergency Situation... So I was "told to do it anyway" by him even after explaining the deck was covered in thick broken shattered ice chunks and with my slip on shoes that are the only shoes i can wear, I told him "I'm not doing that" and now it's my fault it was left outside until when he came home (3 1/2 hours before home). I feel as if my health is a major burden to him and maybe its time for me to get an inhome nurse... Some people just arent built to take care of anyone else. And maybe idk, maybe he is starting to see that I a really honestly, not in love with him at this point anymore. Maybe tomorrow or next month or next whatever, or maybe never will I be back in love with him.It seemed to me like the exact day that he was hired on as a manager at his workplace, things shifted. He dropped a huge bomb on me. I had to then last night, inform my family that I'm doing gene testing to see if i am a carrier of a breast cancer gene for reasons. They're also testing for thyroid & ovarian seeing as those run heavily. My chances before gene testing was uncomfortable to talk to our 3 kids about but they were as accepting as they can be, as their Mother my main priority should be my health so that Incan get better so that I can continue to do what I freaking LOVE DOING SO MUCH!!!!!! Like I truly do so why continually, continually say outloud in front of the 3 kids that "well I've done all of this and all of this because you asked for help" and it all started over me asking him if he can take lily her cup of water since shes coughing so badly. My flu/asthma/sinus shit is awful and my heart problem make it hard for me to walk sometimes let alone climb stairs.... He's acting like he deserves a gold medal when im always keeping the house up and im not doing that. What im doing is showing him what all i have to do during the day, some updates on what i dod and whatever else i wanna send.

I told him that its unfair to us completely that he doesnt turn off "Manager" when he walks through the door. He had a conversation to me and said hes not gonna be able to shut that off when he comes home and he has to take on so much responsibilities and he feels like he needs to be inside the house alone without myself or the kids or the pets for like half a year to get his straight. Bruh. Like no. Just do better. Idk how many people told me that Id never do this and id never do that and here i am proving them wrong every single day.

But every time he speaks to me like this, I am taken back to a time where I was told "your mother never should've made you." At i think 4-5 years old? I am disabled for many reasons. And I can tell everyone all the time until I'm fucking blue in my own face that, when I say that I cant do something and I ask for help, the help is met with a "your legs work" or "you're capable. You just dont wanna wait" No duh. Thats why i said "now please". Would you rather I give you another reason to hit me 3x flat-cupped handed times on my face again and say that "If I wanted it right now and could have gotten it right now for myself"

Im tired of asking for help and being treated like nothing other than a burden and his biggest fucking problem. How was I supposed to know that I was going to this sick on your 2 days off and that every time I asked for anything, you were upset.

I guess i was right and I'm just a different person now because of trauma processing and healing. But being sick enough to make 4 separate appointments during the 2 month span and if this gets worse, this one too. So I feel like he wants me to say something to him or do something for him, but all Im getting from this is "do not ask me for anything". Isnt your spouse supposed to be the one taking care of you when youre sick? Hes already lost me emotionally. And right before our ten year wedding annivarsary. Cool.

Advice?

[bakuen]

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