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justagalwhowrites · 6 months ago

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Yearling - Ch. 39: Returning

Your family comes back to Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-38 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut. Aftermath of canon-typical violence, including graphic depiction of injury. Mention of past sexual assault, not described. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 10k

A/N: We are through the spoiler-y portion now and you're all OK to read from here if you just want to see how the fic starts to come to a close. There is no more overlap with TLOU 2.

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next chapter

May, 2017

“Mama!”

Savvy’s voice was shrill, panicked. That scared you more than getting thrown off a horse had and your head shot up to make sure nothing had happened to her in the few seconds you’d been flying through the air and getting your bearings after hitting the ground with a thud.

But your daughter was fine, just watching you from her place on the other side of the fence posts as you worked to break the feral horse you’d taken just a few weeks earlier. She was at the hardest stage now, the part where you had to be on her back but she didn’t want you there. She was used to a saddle, used to pressure guiding her. She was even used to you. She just wasn’t used to giving up the last wild parts of her, even though you were offering her a life that was better for her, one with care and shelter and protection from what would kill her in the wild.

“Are you OK?” Savvy asked, her eyes wide. You should have anticipated this. She’d never seen you get thrown off a horse before, of course it would scare her. She looked like she was about to climb the fence to come check on you, her little hands bracing on the wood post.

“I’m alright, baby girl,” you said quickly, holding your palm out to stop her. “You stay right there, OK?”

She nodded but frowned, her little eyebrows drawing together as she watched you get back to your feet, the book you’d told her to read so you could keep an eye on her while you worked discarded in the dirt.

You groaned a little as you shook the tension from your limbs, cracking your neck as you did before going for the horse again.

“Mama!” Savvy yelled again, stopping you in your tracks. You looked back at her, frowning. “Mama, no! You’re going to get hurt, you can’t go on her again, she’s scary and…”

“Oh, baby,” you said, going and kneeling in front of her, brushing her curls back from her small face. “I have to.”

She frowned.

“Why?”

You smiled at her, at the concern in her warm, brown eyes.

“Because, when you get thrown - when something gets hard - you don’t give up,” you said. “When you give up, you lose so much that you’ve already worked so hard for. It can be hard and it can be scary, but if I gave up on her now, I’m letting her down, too. When you get thrown, you have to get back up. Even when it’s hard, even when it’s scary, you get back on the horse. If you get back on the horse, it’ll be OK. Understand?”

She watched you for a moment before giving you a firm nod. You smiled and kissed her forehead before steeling yourself and getting back on the horse.

May, 2028

The way you rode with Joel wasn’t comfortable but you didn’t care. You needed to be close to him.

You sat side saddle, more on his lap than anything else, precariously balanced and nestled in his arms but it was where you had to be. You pressed your face into his neck and breathed him in and even though he smelled mostly of sweat and horse it was a comfort. You closed your eyes and tried not to listen to anything, just the sound of his breathing.

He didn’t say much, only occasionally pressing his face into your head and kissing you there and whispering you’re OK, I’ve got you every few minutes. You weren’t sure if it was for him or for you.

You weren’t sure how long you’d been riding but it had been dark for what seemed like a long time when you stopped for the night.

“C’mon Bambi,” Tommy said gently as he helped you down. His touch still made you flinch. “It’s OK. Just me, not going to hurt you.”

He half caught you as you more fell off the horse than dismounted and you realized just how uncomfortable your position had been as your body realigned. It just didn’t hurt as much as so many parts of you so it didn’t bother you as you rode. Joel’s hands were on you again almost immediately, pulling you against him.

“Careful,” Joel said, guiding you to a large tree to sit in the cradle of its roots. He lowered you gently to the ground before he knelt in front of you, carefully pulling your shirt back enough to see the knife wound from Mitchum’s guard on your arm. He spent a few minutes carefully patching you up, cleaning the cut and bandaging it. You kept your injured hand tight against yourself, like you could somehow hide from Joel just how broken you were.

When he was done, he brushed your hair back before cupping your cheek, his gaze deep and almost sad.

“I’m gonna go help Tommy set the perimeter…”

Your eyes went wide at that, the thought of him being where you couldn’t see or feel him sending a thrill of panic up your spine.

“Just for a few minutes,” he said, voice soothing and gentle. “Girls will be with you the whole time. You’re OK, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”

You nodded and he pressed his lips to your forehead, lingering there before he pulled away from you. You closed your eyes and pressed yourself back against the tree, needing to have something at your back so you knew nothing could come and take you when you couldn’t see them coming.

“Mom?” Savvy said quietly. You opened your eyes and found her standing beside you in the dark. “Can I… is it OK if I sit with you?”

“Of course,” you said, your voice sounding and feeling oddly foreign to you, and you watched as she slowly, cautiously lowered herself down beside you. You kept your left hand clutched to your chest but held your right arm out and she gingerly fit herself against you there, nuzzling into your shoulder. You kissed the crown of her head, her curls tickling your nose and you gave her a squeeze before trailing your fingers gently through her hair.

“Are you OK?” You asked quietly. She nodded but took a deep, shuddering breath. You relished that for a moment, that you could feel that she was alive an that she wanted to be close to you. “You can talk to me, it’s OK.”

“I was so afraid,” she said, her voice wet. “I thought I’d never see you again and I never had the chance… You never told me about them and what… what they did.”

“I know,” you said, continuing to hold her.

“Why?” She asked. “I was so mad at you but it wasn’t your fault and you could have just told me and I would have understood, I would have known and I wouldn’t have been so… so…”

Her voice trailed off and you pressed your lips to the crown of her head again, breathing in the smell of her, trying to put words to it.

“You’re my baby,” you said eventually. “I want to protect you from everything. That’s my job, it’s the most important job I’ve ever had. I didn’t protect you then…”

“Mom,” she said, sitting up from you a little to look you in the eye in the moonlight, like she was getting ready to fight you on it.

“I didn’t,” you said. “I wish I could have but I wasn’t able to for a very long time. Keeping you from knowing about that stuff… I could protect you that way. I didn’t want that in your head. I still don’t.”

She watched you for a moment before she deflated before you.

“I know you tried,” she said weakly. “I remember, the night they came… I heard the gunshots, I know you tried. I was so afraid then, too. I thought they killed you, I thought…”

“I know,” you said softly. “And I’m sorry.”

“I’m really sorry,” she said, tucking herself against you again. You could feel her tears dampening the cotton of your shirt. “I shouldn’t have been so mad at you, I’m so mad at myself now because I… I was just so angry because I didn’t understand and…”

“It’s OK,” you soothed her. “Don’t be mad at yourself baby girl, please don’t. You went through so much, you survived so much all on your own that you never should have gone through. Of course you were mad, it’s right to be angry when something hurts you like that…”

“But you didn’t hurt me,” she said, holding you tighter. “You didn’t just leave me. And I should have known that you would never have done that. I should never have been angry with you.”

“It’s OK,” you said again. “We’ve found each other now, that’s all that matters, right?”

“Yeah,” she nodded into you. “I love you, Mom.”

You held her a little closer.

“I love you, too,” you whispered. “So, so much.”

After a few minutes, Ellie joined you, too. She didn’t seem to want to talk, something you were thankful for because you weren’t sure how well you’d hold it together. The conversation with Savvy had taken so much out of you. You needed to take care of them both, look out for them, help them through their pain and their fear but you barely had it in you to do it. It was like everything inside yourself was dedicated to keeping yourself alive and in one piece - as much as you could since they’d already cut pieces of you away. You didn’t have anything left in you to do anything else.

Instead of asking for your words, Ellie sat silently on your left side and you cautiously, hesitantly, put your arm around her, your injured hand coming to rest against her. She put her head on your shoulder and you kissed her there before resting your cheek against her and closing your eyes. You tried to focus on the two of them, that you could feel that they were alive and that they were safe, knowing it with real certainty for the first time since Kyle had shown up at your door what felt like an eternity ago.

When the men got back, Tommy volunteered to keep watch all night and Joel tried to protest but Tommy silenced him quickly.

“You ain’t slept in days,” he said sharply. “Stay with your wife. I’ve got it.”

You frowned as Joel set out his sleeping bag and helped you into it before joining you there, set a little away from where Ellie and Savvy were so there was a semblance of privacy.

“You’re alright,” Joel said, so softly you weren’t sure that he’d even intended the words for you. “I’ve got you.”

“You haven’t slept?” You asked quietly. You kept your injured hand between your bodies, tight against your chest while Joel’s arms were around you, the one below you tucked under your head so you could use him as a pillow, the other cradling your body against his.

“Couldn’t,” he said, his lips brushing your forehead. “Not without you.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, tears pinching tight in your throat. You hated that this had hurt him, too.

“No,” he whispered. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault, sweetheart. You saved them, I would have done the same thing.”

He held you so close and you felt him breathe, felt the subtle rattle inside of him and you knew he was crying. You wished you had it in you to soothe him and take care of him the way he was taking care of you but you couldn’t take any other pain into yourself. Instead, you cried, too, until you fell asleep in your husband’s arms.

The next morning, you jerked awake, heart racing but you couldn’t remember why. It took you a moment to realize where you were, that you were safe and that Savvy and Ellie were safe, too. Your whole body was tense, a bowstring drawn too tight and ready to snap.

“You’re OK,” Joel’s hand was tracing a delicate path over your spine and your face was buried in his throat. His voice was so quiet, the coo of a morning dove trees away was louder. “Never let anyone hurt you again, you’re safe.”

You took a deep, shaky breath and he kissed the crown of your head and just held you until you felt like you could move.

When Tommy and the girls took the horses to a nearby stream to drink and to fill up canteens before leaving camp, it left you and Joel alone - truly alone - for the first time. You were nestled into his chest as he leaned back against a tree, both of his hands on you, always touching you.

“You can talk to me,” he said. “Don’t want you feeling like you need to protect me from any of it. I’m here for you, sweetheart. Whatever you need, it’s yours.” You swallowed hard but nodded into him. “Can I ask you for something?”

You frowned but you didn’t stop him. He took a deep breath.

“Can I see your hand?” He asked. You froze against him, not even breathing. He gave you a little squeeze. “I just want to see if it’s healing, baby.”

You held it a little tighter to yourself.

“You know?” You asked quietly. There was something that felt so wrong about Joel knowing that another man had cut part of you away for himself.

He gave you another small squeeze.

“Made Cody pay for it,” he said. “Made ‘em pay for fuckin’ all of it.”

You took a deep breath and sat back from him, just enough to unwind the makeshift bandage from around your hand. When it was just loose fabric over your wound, you took a shaky breath and looked at Joel. He was watching you closely, one hand gently cupping your elbow, his thumb rubbing reassuring circles over you there. You could tell he was trying to keep from showing much emotion, his face flat, but the way he was looking at you still told you everything. He was hurting, so much pain behind his eyes that it was hard not to drown in it. You tried not to think about how afraid he must have been, coming back to Jackson and finding his entire family gone from the one place left on Earth that was supposed to be safe. He’d reached you but you had to carry this with you now, for the rest of your life. Evidence of just how cruel this world was right on your hand, a constant reminder of what was waiting just outside the walls.

“It’s OK,” he said gently and you took a deep breath before pulling the fabric back from your hand. You watched Joel’s face as you did, watched him fight to not flinch at the mangled flesh that was your hand. He took your palm gingerly in his large hands and you finally looked down at your remaining fingers, watching as Joel carefully examined you. He brushed his thumb on your palm below where the pieces of you had been cut away.

“They burned it,” you said after a moment. “Stopped the bleeding.”

“It’ll be OK,” he nodded and you fought to swallow around the knot that had tightened in your throat.

“He took my wedding ring,” you said softly, feeling the tear you’d been struggling to hold back slip down your cheek anyway.

“No,” Joel shook his head, setting your hand gently on your leg, palm up before reaching into his pocket. He pulled your ring out, still dark sticky with blood but it was yours. “I took it back. Don’t need to decide what you want to do with it now but I have it, I’ll keep it safe for you. He didn’t get to take that.”

You looked at it for a moment, nodding slowly.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

Joel tied your bandage around your hand again, finishing just as the other three returned with the horses and the water.

You rode with Joel again, not feeling entirely conscious or even inside your body as you did. You still kept your left hand held close to your chest. Sometimes, you were keenly aware of the movement of the horse below you. Sometimes, you heard birds singing and frogs croaking and Ellie whispering to Savvy. Sometimes, you didn’t feel or see or hear or smell anything at all, just floating in space and time where nothing could take anything more from you.

It was during one of those times where you were existing with nothing at all that you made it back to Jackson, Joel gently pulling you back to the present by pressing a kiss to your temple and talking low and gentle in your ear.

The walls of the town were on the horizon and you stiffened. Even with damn near half the town back at Mitchum’s camp after the fight, you knew there would be people, people who would see you like this and know what had been done to you.

“Just gonna get you to the doctor,” he said, sensing your discomfort. “Then we’ll get you home. It’s OK.”

“Can we just go home, Joel?” You asked, burying your face in his neck. You knew you should be stronger than this. You knew you didn’t have anywhere inside yourself to find that strength. “Please, just take me home, I want to go home.”

He held you a little tighter, the gates casting a shadow as they opened.

“OK sweetheart,” he said. “I’ll take you home.”

Joel guided the horse to your house, Tommy following close behind. You could feel eyes on you but you didn’t look up from your place tucked against Joel’s skin. Your brother in law helped you off the horse and helped you stay upright until your husband could tuck you against his side and return you to the place you felt safe.

One Week Later

You rarely left your bedroom.

After Carol came by the house and examined you and Joel gently bathed you, washing you clean of everything that had happened, you’d only really left your room to use the bathroom. The curtains were drawn, the air was stale, you were coated in a layer of old sweat and you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

At first, Joel rarely left your side. It was two days before you were without him even for a minute. He even went with you to the bathroom, his hand on your back on the walk down the hall and hovering just outside the door before walking you back to bed again. You mostly just laid on his chest, feeling him breathe, waiting for something - anything - to pull you away. You felt it coming, some amorphous thing hanging on the edge of your consciousness. Nowhere was safe. Not even Jackson. This was proven now. Something would find you, something would take everything that mattered away. It was always coming, it had been for more than 20 years, grasping for you in the form of your infected boyfriend or the man who didn’t want to take a no or the unseen death of your daughter’s father or those who took and took and took until there was nothing left. How could you be expected to live like that? Fighting and scratching an existence for yourself only to have it ripped away again and again and again.

Staying in bed was safer. There was less to lose then.

The third day, Joel left for a little while. You weren’t entirely sure where, but you were only alone for a few minutes, Ellie and Savvy coming to sit with you. You just held onto them and hoped that, whatever eventually came for you would spare them instead of using them as they had been before.

Nothing did.

Other people came by after that, too. Just to the house, Joel stopped them in the living room, seeming to understand that you couldn’t bear being seen this way. You heard them, occasionally, from your place in the bed. Their voices would filter upstairs and so would Joel’s replies. Tommy and Maria wanted to see how everyone was doing. Olivia gave updates on the stables and asked after you. Warren came by to tell Joel the final tally of the fight with Mitchum and how so much of the trouble that had cropped up for patrols over the last few years could be blamed on his fight for power. Even Julie visited, carrying a basket of snacks with her. Joel tried to get you to eat some. You managed a few berries before curling up again.

You knew this had to be wearing on Joel. He weathered you waking up in a panic and fighting him before you remembered where you were and who you were with. He didn’t pressure you to leave the bedroom, instead bringing food and water and tea to you. He tried to get you to read but you weren’t interested so he read to you, instead. You didn’t process much of what he said but the sound of his voice was comforting and you would curl up against him as he read, drifting in and out of consciousness as he stroked your hair or ran his hand from your shoulder to your elbow and back again.

The only thing that told you it had been a week that you’d been back was Carol. She came in your room with a gentle smile and asked to take your bandages off to check how you were healing. You kept your good hand in Joel’s the entire time, squeezing him tight because anyone but him or the girls being that close to you made you want to crawl out of your skin.

“This is coming along well,” she said as she looked at your hand. “Really. You’ve come a long way in just a week. You will move past this and you will be OK.”

You weren’t sure you could say anything so you didn’t try and you heard her giving Joel some care instructions in the hall before she left. You stared at the wall.

“Hey,” Joel said when he came back in and sat on the edge of the bed. You curled your legs into your chest and watched him. He reached out and ran one large palm over your head. “How about a shower? Doc said should be easier now…”

You watched him for a moment, worry in his eyes. He’d been with you like this for a week now. That was a long time for someone like Joel who liked to be moving and feeling like he was accomplishing something. It was unnatural for him to be here, stagnant like this with you. You knew how this must be hurting him, how his life would be better without needing to deal with this.

You took a deep breath, bracing yourself for what you knew you needed to say.

“I know this isn’t what you signed up for,” you looped your arms around your knees and pulling them tighter to yourself. “You don’t have to stay with me like this.”

“Baby…”

“I can move back to my old house,” you said, ignoring the tightness in your throat and chest as you said it, like the thought of being away from him was going to strangle you dead. “I think it’s still empty, you don’t need…”

“No,” he cut you off, sharp and firm.

“I know this isn’t what you want…”

“The hell it’s not,” he snapped. He moved fully onto the bed, taking your face in his hands so firmly it almost hurt, his fingertips sinking into your skin. You took a deep, shaky breath and closed your eyes but he didn’t seem to be having that, either. “No, you look at me, goddammit, not letting you hide from this, you hear me?”

You forced your eyes open, trying not to grimace as you looked at your husband, the man you wanted to be next to forever but couldn’t bear to keep dragging down like this.

“You think I want you to leave?” He asked, brows raised so high they almost disappeared into his hair. “That I want you anywhere but next to me?”

“Joel…”

“I promised to love you and protect you,” he said. “You think that stops just because shit gets hard? You think I’m just going to let you go because somethin’ awful happened to you? I don’t care if I need to stay with you through this for another week or a year or a fuckin’ lifetime, I’m staying right fucking here. I love you, more than I ever thought I could love someone else and that don’t stop just because you need time!”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore!” You almost yelled it. “Please, I don’t want to drag you down with me, I can’t let you get dragged down with me, the girls need you and…”

“They need you, too,” he cut you off. “And you’re not draggin’ me anywhere. You go, I go. That’s how this works, you and me. You hear me? Now, if… if you need to be away from me because of shit I’ve done -“

“No,” you shook your head as best you could in his grip but he continued on like you hadn’t spoken at all.

“-then we’ll figure that out but we’ll do that together, not with you leaving because you think it’s what’s best for me, you understand me? I love you. I’m sticking by you. That ain’t changing.”

You closed your eyes and Joel’s hold on you loosened, his hands moving from your face to your shoulders, his thumbs moving in soothing circles over your collarbone.

“C’mon, sweetheart,” he said, the forcefulness gone now, just the quiet care left in his voice. “Let’s get you cleaned up. You’ll feel better.”

He guided you to the bathroom and undressed you delicately as the water warmed up. He took off his socks but left on his jeans and t-shirt as he got in the shower with you.

“Joel,” you whispered, your arms crossed over your chest as best you could.

“It’s you and me,” he said. “We’re figuring this out together.”

His hands moved over you slowly, firmly, cleaning your skin and your hair and working knots out of aching muscle. His clothes were dripping. He didn’t seem to notice.

Another week later

Joel had started going back to work.

You’d insisted on it. You couldn’t keep him cooped up with you like this forever, you couldn’t bear to watch him slowly lose himself no matter how much he pretended like it was OK.

He’d been reluctant, of course, and he wasn’t going on patrol or anything that took him away from the house for more than a few hours but you could tell that he was feeling better, now that he was pitching in around town again.

Joel told you about some of what he did when he got back. He fixed the roof on a family’s house one day and told you about how the four-year-old boy there had showed him all his Matchbox cars before he left. Another day, Joel worked with Tommy to start figuring out good ways to expand the school as it was getting cramped, planning to bring their ideas to the council to decide how to move forward. Another, he told you about going to help Olivia at the stables and how people said they missed you and sent their best.

The next day was when he came back with the kitten.

“Brought you somethin’,” he said as he e came into your bedroom with it wriggling in his hold - the creature so small and his hand so large that it just fit in his palm. He set it on the bed next to you and you just gaped at it.

“What…”

“Couldn’t just leave it,” he shrugged. “It’s too new to survive on its own but it was all by itself. Figured, anyone here knows animals, it’s you. Thought it could use a mother.”

He’d apparently left the city walls for a few hours that day to test someone new on shooting for patrol. That’s when they found the kitten, snarling and ferocious, all alone near the shooting range. It was a little thing, black and white and fluffy with a tail that stuck straight up. Joel had scooped it up and tucked it inside a saddle bag before bribing it with some milk and chicken back in town. That had mellowed it some, its affection apparently easily bought as it ambled around the bed, pouncing at unseen prey and climbing on your legs. You smiled a little, watching it.

“What are we supposed to do with a cat?” You asked, only glancing at Joel as you watched the kitten romp around.

“Weren’t you sayin’ you were worried about mice in the barn?” He said. “Figured he can pitch in around here as much as anyone else. Earn his keep.”

You laughed once, lightly, at that. The cat, paying rent in town with his presumed hunting skills.

“Think you can raise ‘em up alright?” Joel asked.

You reached out and ran a finger down his little back. He arched into your touch and you couldn’t help but smile a little.

“I think so,” you said, even though you weren’t really sure that was true.

But he did make you leave your room the next day.

The kitten - who you decided to name Orion in hopes he lived up to his namesake in hunting skills - wanted to explore and you wanted to let him. You got out of bed to let him out of your room but it felt wrong, letting him go out there without someone watching him. This place was big and new and dangerous for him. He needed help. You didn’t go far, only making to the living room, but it felt like a different world to you, too. You sat on the couch, tucked as far back into the corner as you could go so you could feel things around you. It was the only way to be secure, knowing what was there. You weren’t sure how long you’d been sitting there when you watched Joel come up the front walk, jogging up the steps and unlocking the front door. He nearly jumped when he saw you there, sitting on the couch with your arms around your legs, the cat patting at the bottom of the curtain at the window.

“Baby,” he said quickly, almost running for you before sitting next to you, tilting your face in his hand, examining you. “You alright? You hurt?”

You frowned at him, his eyes still ranging over you.

“I’m fine,” you said. “We just… wanted a change of scenery.”

He nodded slowly, watching you cautiously.

“And how we feelin’ about all that?”

You considered that for a moment.

“Alright, I think,” you said. “Better, with you here.”

His lips tugged up ever so slightly at the edges.

“Good,” he said. “That’s good.”

He put a movie on for the two of you and, for a bit, you felt almost normal with him there beside you, tucked against his side as you watched things play out on screen. You felt secure enough that you started to doze off there, somehow exhausted even though all you’d done that day was come downstairs and sit on a couch.

“C’mon sweetheart,” Joel said, giving you a squeeze as credits played. “Let’s get you upstairs.”

It was something like waking up then. There were things happening around you that you realized had been happening for a while, you just hadn’t fully noticed. Joel helped you get get settled but didn’t get undressed himself. Instead, he got his pajamas from where they were folded on a chair in the corner and went to the bathroom, changing there. You frowned as he got into bed next to you and you pressed yourself against him, breathing in the warm, comforting smell of him.

“Have you been doing that?” You asked quietly as he trailed his fingers up and down your spine.

“Doin’ what?” He asked. You could hear the frown on his voice.

“Getting ready for bed in another room,” you said. “I can’t remember from the last few days and…”

You trailed off and he was quiet for a moment before he answered.

“Yeah. Seemed… seemed smart.”

Your frown deepened.

“Why?”

He sighed heavily, holding you a little tighter.

“I don’t want to do anything that might hurt you or scare you,” he said slowly. “I dunno what they did to you - and you don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to - but… I know enough of what they did before and you wake up afraid a lot. Figure… well, last thing you might need is seeing an undressed man so I’ve just been making sure you don’t. S’OK. I don’t mind.”

Your throat got tight and you nuzzled closer to him, suddenly missing his skin so much it hurt.

“I’m not afraid of you,” you said quietly, your voice thick.

“It’s OK if you are,” he replied. “Just don’t want to be something that hurts you.”

“You’re not,” you said. “I… I feel safe with you.”

He slowly, hesitantly pressed his lips to the top of your head.

“Good.”

You were silent for a minute and you could feel his body start to relax against you and you knew you should just let him rest but now that you realized it had been weeks since you’d last really felt his skin, you couldn’t think about anything else.

“Joel?” You said eventually.

“Hm.”

“Can…” You took a deep breath. “Can you take your shirt off?”

He pulled back from you, frowning slightly.

“I just…” you watched him closely. “I miss being able to touch you.”

“Sure, baby,” he said. “If that’s what you really want.”

You just nodded and he sat up enough to tug his shirt over his head before settling beside you, letting you decide how close you wanted to be. You pressed yourself against him, burying your face in his chest and breathing deep, not realizing just how much you’d missed this until that moment.

“I love you, Joel,” you said quietly, pressing a kiss to his skin.

He took a shaky breath.

“I love you too, Bambi.”

You tried to leave your room every day after that, at least for a little while. You made yourself tea in the kitchen and gave Orion a treat or watched something on TV in the living room. Ellie and Savvy came by and played cards one afternoon, both of them completely charmed by the way the cat would rear back on his hind legs to try to catch a string. You made it as far as the front porch once but you only lasted a few minutes there, the space too open to feel safe.

One day, you decided to go and spend time in the room you’d set up for Savvy, sitting cross-legged on the bed and looking around at how Joel had helped you put it together. You were just thinking about how to ask if she wanted to come spend the night at least when you heard the front door open.

“Sorry,” Joel said. “She’s got good days and bad. This may be a bad day if she’s still in our room…”

“Do you think she’d be up for talking about it?” Olivia’s voice was distinctive, even from the floor above. “Because it’s been weeks…”

“Know how long it’s been,” Joel said, his voice sharp. “Not about to jeopardize her health because…”

“The whole town relies on us and those horses,” Olivia cut him off, heated too. “I understand that she’s going through something and I don’t want to make it worse. She’s my friend and I care about her. But I need to know whether or not she’s coming back anytime soon because the horses she was working with before this happened? They’re backsliding. If I need to take over, fine, I’ll do my best but it won’t be what she can do and I don’t want to do it without talking with her and…”

“Another day,” Joel said. “I know what’s at stake but I am not putting her at risk. It ain’t worth it.”

They were quiet for a moment and then Olivia sighed.

“Fine,” she said. “But it has to be soon. They can’t just stay wild like this here, it’s not good for them. There’s only so much longer they can go on like this.”

You heard her leave and then Joel’s heavy sigh before walking - his limp apparent even from a floor away - to the kitchen. You took advantage of the sound of the running water to slip back into your bedroom, pressing yourself back against the headboard and closing your eyes for a moment.

Olivia was right. You knew the horses you’d been just starting to break would be in rough shape now. The longer you let them go, the harder it would be to get them back and it was dangerous to let them go too long in captivity without training. They could hurt themselves in the stall, hurt another horse, hurt someone trying to care for them. You couldn’t afford to let them go, the town needed them. Something had to give.

Joel didn’t mention Olivia when he came upstairs only a few minutes later. He brought you tea and toast with jam and you ate some of it, staring at your hand with the missing fingers as you used the ones that remained to hold the bread. Joel just sat next to you in bed, reading silently and absently stroking Orion and watching you out of the corner of his eye like he was afraid of what you might do if he wasn’t watching. Because, apparently, now you needed supervision to eat fucking toast.

He tried to coax you down to watch a movie that evening but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave the bed, your mind lingering on his conversation with Olivia, on all the things you were failing by still being here, like this. It was like you were still trapped there, still chained to that fucking wall, still waiting for the thing that was going to rip you apart.

Joel held you as you tried to fall asleep - even though you weren’t sure you deserved it - and you knew it was going to be a rough night before it even began.

You were right. You dreamed about Cody taking your daughters from where they were supposed to be safe and searching for them in the woods, desperate to reach them, ready to give every piece of yourself away in exchange but still not finding them. You dreamed about Mitchum and how he liked to hurt you, how his body felt like the weight of the world was suffocating you when he was on top of you. You dreamed of being trapped and caged and finding the only person left on the other side of the bars was yourself, standing there, holding the keys and watching, waiting. For what, you didn’t know.

“Sweetheart!” Joel’s voice snapped you out of your head and, suddenly, you were back in his arms. The room was quiet and still and smelled like him and he was there, his eyes searching yours as he clutched you close. “Hey, it’s alright. We’re OK, I’ve got you. It’s just me, you and me, you’re safe. We’re all OK.”

He ran his large palm over your head over and over, his eyes locked on yours, saying the words over and over and they were nothing new. They were things Joel had said probably every day since you’d been back, things he told you when he could feel you tense or when you panicked in your sleep. It was a familiar mantra, something you clung to when so much of the rest of the world seemed to be swallowed by chaos and cruelty.

But this time, the settled in you differently. We’re OK. It’s just me, you and me.

This thing you’d survived hadn’t just happened to you, not really. Yes, you’d been the one to willingly hand yourself over to monsters and you’d been the one to suffer what they wrought but it was Joel who came back from patrol to find his entire family gone. It was Joel who had searched for you, frantic and terrified, for days. It was Joel who had shepherded your daughters through your disappearance as they tried to shove their guilt away with vengeance. It was Joel who took the closest thing you’d get to justice from your tormentors. And after it all, he’d stood there, in the middle of this tempest, holding you through it, keeping your head above water. When everything threatened to pull you under, he was there. You weren’t alone. Not in this, not in anything. Not anymore.

“Joel,” you whispered, reaching your hand up and trailing your fingers through his graying curls, his hair brushing against the scar tissue where your wedding band had once rested.

“Hey baby,” he whispered back, the barest hint of a smile on his lips, his gaze less panicked. “You feeling OK? Want me to bring you anything? I can make you tea…”

“No,” you said softly, still trailing your fingers through his hair. There’s a tightness in your stomach, one that was so foreign now but still so familiar when you were next to Joel. “That’s not what I want.”

He watched you, his eyebrows drawing together ever so slightly and you could see just how restrained he was. You’d known Joel a long time, you knew how the whole of his body moved when in pleasure or pain, in certainty or confusion, even the fine muscles of his face - especially those - and he was holding back. He was protecting you, always protecting you, even now, even from himself.

You didn’t want him to.

“What do you need?” He asked gently, his hand going from your hair to your face, his thumb pressed below your cheekbone.

You didn’t say anything. Instead, you watched him closely in the dark, keenly aware of how his body was in alignment with yours, how his leg had hooked over yours to tame your thrashing, how he held you close even though you knew you’d shoved him away so many times in your sleep. You moved closer to him slowly, your eyes staying locked on his as you hesitantly, delicately, kissed your husband for the first time in weeks.

***

Joel had to fight to not moan at the feel of your lips on his. But they were soft and plush, giving to the press of his mouth, your body more relaxed than he’d felt in so long.

He stopped himself, though.

He couldn’t do this, not now, not with you like this.

It had been weeks that you’d been back but, in so many ways, it was like you were still gone. You were so far away from him, so often just staring into space and sitting in silence. You didn’t seem to have any interest in listening to music or reading. The only thing that seemed to pry you out of that dark space within yourself was the cat - which he’d brought you out of sheer desperation - and the girls, but he wasn’t sure how genuine that was, if you were doing it because you wanted to or because you felt like you had to to take care of them.

When you started leaving the bedroom, he’d had hope. He’d thought that, maybe, things were getting better. That you were willing to see beyond the boundaries of those four walls and into a future that was better, one where you were yourself again. And then you stalled out there, only occasionally going on the front porch the two of you had spent so much time together on, back in the days you were afraid to be inside his home. Now, you were afraid to leave it.

Part of him wondered if this was what it was like when you first came to Jackson. If you’d spent weeks alone, locked inside your house and plagued by nightmares and memories that may as well have been nightmares, too. His heart ached for you if it that was case but he almost hoped it was. If this was just part of what it was like for you to survive, that he could count on you to return to him again once you got through this, then he’d get you back. You’d get through this and you’d be OK again.

But the longer you stayed there, trapped inside yourself, the more his hope dwindled.

It didn’t help that everything was tinged with the acute knowledge that he’d failed you. That you’d been hurt because he hadn’t reached you in time, that you’d been left to suffer alone. He’d hoped - perversely, perhaps - that he would at least be able to put you back together. He’d kept your fingers until you made it back to Jackson, hoping that the doctor would be able to reattach them. But she’d shaken her head, looking almost pityingly at him as she did. They’d been gone too long, he was too late. He’d wrapped the parts of you he couldn’t save in a scrap of one of his shirts that you liked so much and buried it beside the tree in his front yard. You’d loved sitting there, playing guitar, before. It seemed right that part of you should stay there. He cleaned your wedding band and added it to the chain you’d given him with the bullet on it, the reminders of you always close.

You were close now. So so close, so close it almost scared him.

You pulled back from him, your eyes wide and deep and bright in the moonlight.

“Joel,” you said softly, traces of familiar want in your voice. He had to try, again, to not moan at that.

“Don’t have to do this, baby,” he said, brushing the soft skin of your cheek with his callused thumb. “S’OK.”

“I know,” you said, your hand leaving his hair and holding his face much the same way he was holding yours. “But I want to.”

“Bambi…”

“I want you,” you said, rolling your hips against him as you spoke, the heat of desire sparking deep inside himself. He couldn’t hold the groan back this time, dropping his forehead to yours. “Please.”

“Not going to hurt you,” he said, his chest tight at that thought. “Should… should just…”

“You won’t hurt me,” you kissed him again, so soft and so gentle and you tasted sweet like peach and ginger from the tea and fuck but he missed you. He’d missed you so badly it hurt and the thought of never getting you back scared him so much he felt hollow if he lingered on it too long, like specter of the loss of you - even if your body was still here - threatened to send him back to the darkest reaches of himself. You were so close now, he could feel you, taste you. But if you left him now, after almost coming back to him, if he were the cause, that would ruin him. He knew it, deep at the core of him, that there would be no coming back from that.

But you were here.

“Please, Joel.”

So close.

“Please.”

Begging for him.

“I need you.”

His resolve crumbled then. He kissed you, firm and needy and the way he wanted to kiss you for the rest of his life and you moaned into his mouth, your hand slipping down his skin to the back of his head, fingers knotting desperately in his hair. He swallowed the sounds of your pleasure, running his hand over you to your leg, hitching your thigh over his side so the next delicious roll of your hips made your hot pussy press against his hardening cock.

It only took seconds for every concern in his head to melt away. How could he be worried about anything when you were here, like this, wanting him, moaning against him, feeling him and he was able to give you everything you wanted. He would break himself down into whatever form you needed and surrender himself to you, all you had to do was ask, all you had to do was let him. How could he be worried when you were finally letting him?

He pulled your shirt over your head, casting it aside and you pulled at his in return so he took that off, too and then you were against him and he moaned at the feeling of your bare skin on his because fuck, you were soft. The plush curve of your breasts - your nipples peaked - on his chest, the soft of your stomach on his own, the heat of your tongue as you dipped into his mouth. He was breathing the same air as you again, feeling your pulse again, so close to being inside your skin again.

You damn near ripped his pants off, scrambling with a desperate edge to your panting breaths as you did and he stopped you. You frowned, pupils blown, but he just held your hands still for a moment.

“I got it,” he said, breathless himself. “Just one second, baby, I got you.”

He pulled his pants off quickly and then yours, too and you were against him again almost immediately, your leg over his hip again as you lay side by side, facing each other, pressed so close and tight he was certain he could feel all of you against all of him. Your wet heat was tantalizingly, dangerously close to him, the head of his cock brushing against your sensitive sex. He held you tight, his lips brushing yours as you breathed into each other, noses touching, foreheads pressed together, a singular being tied together by want.

But he stopped himself from simply thrusting into you, no matter how badly he ached to bury himself inside. You hadn’t told him what happened when Mitchum had you this time, all Joel knew was that he prayed he’d reached you before your captor had managed to hurt you like that again, that his men were afraid enough of their boss that they hadn’t, either. But he remembered what the first time he was with you had been like, how you’d been afraid, how he’d held you. He wasn’t about to just take what he wanted, no matter how much you seemed to be begging him to, not until he knew it wouldn’t break you down further.

“You sure about this?” He asked. “You don’t have to do anything for me, baby. All you need to do for me is keep living, alright? Don’t want you to give me this unless you want it…”

“I know,” you panted, kissing him again, the ache of need on your tongue. “I want to. I want you, I love you, please…”

He kissed you, devouring your wanting as he pushed himself inside, his hand spreading wide over the small of your back, holding you in place as he sank into the tight, hot clutch of you.

You moaned as he did, keening and desperate, and he felt you straining not to move, your leg tight around him, tension in your hips. The moment he was fully sheathed inside you, though, you let yourself go, your hips working against his and you pulled your lips from his, watching him. There was a look of almost awe in your eyes and he could feel the flutter of your pulse on the inside of you, feel the shudder of your needy, shallow breaths. You were so warm, so soft, shaped so perfectly for him, taking him into yourself in a way no one else ever had. He belonged here, like this, with you. This, he thought, was the only explanation. That when the matter that made up the two of you sprang into existence it was alongside each other and had spent both your lives racing for each other until you could be joined like this again.

“Joel,” you whispered. “I missed you.”

“I know, baby,” he whispered back. “I missed you, too. So, so much.”

He rocked himself deeper then and you groaned, pressing your body completely against his, the soft of your cheek like silk against the rough of his beard, your quiet breaths drowning out every other sound in the world as your fingertips sank into his back, pulling at his skin as if you could knit yourself into him anymore than you already had.

Joel just held onto you like that, feeling you so close, his cock pressing deep inside where he belonged before pulling back only an inch or two, not daring to go any further from you than that. He became lost in you that way, the rhythm of your bodies together and the delicate moans and the wet plush of your mouth when your lips found his neck or shoulder when the building pleasure became too much.

He felt you getting tighter around him and he knew just how to draw you tighter, drive your pleasure deeper. He let his baser instincts take over, kissing and sucking the delicate skin of your throat and listening to the shift in your needy breaths when he did, pressing a little harder on your back so he could get just a little deeper and feel your channel tense even more.

“I’ve got you,” he said when it felt like you couldn’t be drawn any tighter. “Just come, come for me baby, please…”

You came with a strangled little gasp, one he wouldn’t have heard had he been anywhere but this close, so close it seemed you had to be a single being now, tied together deeply and permanently, close enough that nothing would pull you away from him again.

The almost painfully tight throbbing of you drove him over the edge and he came with you, buried so deep inside that he could feel all of you as you fluttered and pulsed over him.

“Joel,” you groaned, sounding like you were far outside your own body when you did. “Joel, Joel, Joel, Joel, I love you, I love you.”

You said it again and again until you went limp in his arms. He just held you for a minute, feeling your heartbeat and your skin, when you took a shaky breath and he felt a tear on his cheek.

“Hey,” he carefully pulled himself back from you, your eyes red and wet. He tried to slip out of you but you tightened your leg on him, not letting him leave. “Baby, you gotta talk to me…”

“I’m sorry,” you said, voice thick and wet and desperate in a whole new way. “I know I’ve been… I’m trying, I know I need to get back to normal with you and the girls and the horses and I don’t want to be like this and it’s like I can see where I was but I can’t reach it and I just…”

“Hey,” he said again, taking your face in his hands. “Look at me. It’s OK. We’re in this together, you and me. It don’t matter how long it takes, what you need, as long as you’re here. When you were gone… I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go back without you…”

“Joel…”

“Nothin’ really seemed worth it unless you were there, too,” he said. “That hasn’t changed and it’s not going to. Don’t matter how long it takes or what you need, it’s you and me. I’ve got you, baby. Always.”

You nodded and burrowed into his neck and he held you until you were still and calm, drifting off in his arms. With you close like that, he managed to find sleep, too, passing out harder than he had since the two of you had come back to Jackson. He slept so hard that he didn’t feel you get out of bed in the night.

It was still dark when he woke up and found himself alone, the bed cold.

“Bambi?” He said quietly. But he didn’t expect you to answer. Something in him knew you were gone.

He got up quickly then, checking the bathroom and the living room and the kitchen and the porch but you weren’t anywhere.

His heart raced.

“Fuck,” he swore, wondering if you might have gone to see the girls or if he’d just scare them if he went there to check. He looked out the window, anyway, but their place was still dark. He tried to think of where else to go when it occurred to him, what you’d said in bed just a few hours earlier. The horses. You’d mentioned the horses.

He shoved his feet into his boots, not bothering to tie them, and ran to the stable, the faintest hint of dawn starting on the horizon. He damn near skidded to a stop at the fence, his bad leg throbbing, but he didn’t care. You were there, getting to your feet from the dirt in the middle of the paddock, a determined look on your face.

“Got news for you,” you said to the horse in front of you, one of the stallions you’d been working with before Cody took you. “Not gonna beat me that easy. I know it’s scary, know it’s hard but I promise it’s good for you. Just gotta let me take care of you.”

He watched you pet and soothe the animal for a moment before you pulled yourself roughly onto the horse’s back with a pained groan. It immediately rebelled, bucking and thrashing, but you held on, long enough that Joel thought you’d outlast the horse when it managed to dislodge you and you flew, landing with a sickening thud on the dirt.

“Shit,” Joel jumped the fence, running for you as the horse took off to the other side of the paddock. You groaned and shoved yourself up onto your hands as Joel reached you and you jumped a little when he touched you. He helped you sit up and you tried to stand but he held you down. You frowned, watching him. “Baby, what are you doin’ out here? It’s…”

“I can’t keep letting them go like this,” you said, your eyes wide. “They need help, they need to learn how to live here, if I just let them keep going back to what they were it will be harder and and harder to get them to where they need to be!”

“Sweetheart, you’re still recovering,” he said. “You can’t push it, you’ll…”

“I need to do this, Joel,” you said softly, your hand with the missing fingers finding his cheek. “Please, let me.”

He watched you for a moment, seeing you - the determined, forceful you - in your eyes for the first time in weeks. He tried to stifle his fear and he pressed a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment before pulling back.

“I’ll be right here,” he smiled softly. “It’s you and me.”

You gave him a small smile in return before getting up and going to the horse, talking to him for a moment before getting right back on.

Next chapter

A/N: This is it, just one little chapter left to say goodbye to these characters we've been with for a year now! I can't believe we're finally here, it feels like I've been writing this story forever. Thank you so much for sticking with it even as I took a million years to finish and left you hanging time and again. This story was a big learning experience for me and I appreciate you hanging in there through it. Thank you for spending your time here and for loving them and making sharing this story so special. It means everything to me.

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust @ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost @beccerjune @mumma-moonchild @netonetoneto @mellymbee @purplelye @n7cje @flugazi @evyiione @randomhoex @aliengirl99 @orcasoul @reds-ramblings @pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel @jenispunk @panda-pascal @sarap-77 @flugazi @your-slutty-gf @daniegraceg @partyofone3413 @cumberpegg @noisynightmarepoetry. @fifia-writes @grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123 @ashleyfilm @arizonadreamingg

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc

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accio-victuuri · 8 months ago

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4/20/2024 zsww fake rumor post. 💕

Contribute

I wish you all the best these days

✌🏼: I miss you.

👍🏻: you say it like you don’t.

✌🏼:...

👍🏻: OK OK

Like coaxing a child

It's quite obscure. The moonlight tonight is so beautiful.

✌🏼: Happy.

👍🏻: Uh-huh. Happy.

✌🏼: Is that all?

👍🏻: What else could it be, Wls?

✌🏼: What would have happened if I hadn’t met you now?

👍🏻: What do you think?

✌🏼:I don’t know

👍🏻Bo I think we will meet eventually

✌🏼: hmmmm 😊

🤷🏻‍♀️ happy again

IM DYING. this convo whether it’s true or not is so sweet! i think the same way as XZ. even if they didn’t have the chance to have a closer relationship because of CQL, they will eventually meet because of their common friends. or maybe a project or event where they could have been introduced and hit it off. there is no way these two wouldn’t gravitate towards each other at some point. and OP’s use of the emoji, is questioning these lovesick fools and what makes them happy. lol. we get it!

✌🏼:When will it be scheduled?

👍🏻: wait a little longer

✌🏼: i want to go now

👍🏻: It's being arranged

✌🏼: You knew all along.

👍🏻: Yeah, yeah, yeah, what can I do to you?

✌🏼: 👀

2+6=8 and that was the year ( alternative translation is that’s the year )

cpfs are guessing what year this is 2&6, is this 2026? but there is an 8, 2028? what’s gonna happen? where are they going? 👁️👄👁️ the next part might explain it:

Someone's directing, someone's acting.

One step at a time, we'll get to the top.

AND THIS IS WHERE WE LOSE OUR MINDS. is this saying what we think it’s saying???? i know this is fake but i am hoping that maybe someday.. they can really work together.

See you next time 🍸

source.

END.

#yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do

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ocean-of-junk · 5 months ago

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USA politics.

I love love love that the usa democratic process is being questioned.

But I'm just rotflmao when people are saying that Kamala Harris wasn't voted for by the people.

When I and many others absolutely did.

In 2020 I learned that Biden of all people was chosen to run on the Democrat ballot, I was upset but I understand that they went with him because he at least had the media presence to not start from 0, and the old people don't like new things. So like ok whatever. He has a pretty good track record.

And I did hear that he wanted a woc as vice president and my heart sank a little cause, geeze are you kidding me.

But then the Announced Kamala Harris as the VP and I did ALL the research I could.

And dudes I was surprised that Kamala Harris was a real person with a real resume and not just politics politics politics.

So I was like ok, if Biden gets hospitalized or otherwise kicks the bucket we're good because we have a literal Law and Order SVU prosecutor, with an actual resume.

If we got through 2024 and 2028 I still would have voted for her again.

So yes I did vote for Kamala Harris in 2020 and I will vote for her again.

And it's ok that she got delegated to Presidential Nominee because again I did vote for her in 2020.

Now in 2008 I initially wanted to vote for McCain. From what 20 year old me understood back then he was an ok guy and he had morals and some empathy.

Obama was an unknown guy. He just showed up out of nowhere, and I wasn't actually considering him simply because I'd never heard of him.

But then McCain chose Palin as his running mate. I knew nothing about her And guys as soon as I saw her face I knew she was one of those horrible Christian moms with horrible kids that said shit like only god can judge me, while being the most horrible human being imaginable.

And then all that stuff she was trying to hide about her family came out a bit later and I was like, yup I knew it.

And then I learned she 100% for shooting wolves from helicopters.

That and seeing this image shortly after learning that is what caused me to ultimately vote for Obama( and Biden I guess).

#personal #politics #lmao #kamala harris #2024 presidential election #barack obama #joe biden

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challengeanon · 10 months ago

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Tamaki Amajiki

2028 backlog part 3. love love

-------------------------------------------------

You weren't a morning person and you probably never will be. You drowsily walked the crowded halls of your school heading to your class. You saw your three best friends talking outside of your classroom as you drew closer. The ray of sunshine, Mirio, Nejire, and the shy Tamaki. You'd never tell Tamaki but you had a huge crush on him and you have since first year. Mirio and Nejire on the other hand had found out one way or the other.

You walked up to them with a smile giving them friendly hugs and placing your hand on Tamaki's shoulder to avoid embarrassing him. With good mornings you all decide to head into the classroom and get ready for class. You were so busy talking and laughing to them that you didn't notice the small folded paper set on your desk. Your name sprawled across the top confirmed that it was in fact meant for you. Nejire urged you to open and read it and she wouldn't let up so you did.

(Y/N),

I think you're really cute and nice and funny and I've liked you for a while. I could never tell you to your face no matter how hard I want you to be mine. You're the best. I admire you from afar your beauty is like that of a rose from the garden of eden. Perfect.

Dearly,

Your Secret Admirer

You smiled happily as you read the note aloud a blush creeping onto your face unknowingly. It was from the same person who had given you flowers and chocolates. Your gifts had never had any notes aside from the words "from your secret admirer" so this was new but not unwelcome. As much as you wanted it to be from Tamaki you doubt he'd feel that way about you you had to admit though whoever it was was really cute.

"Oh my god that was so cute!" You said smiling like a fool as Nejire squealed. You heard something gentle hit the wall and Mirio's deep chuckle. Looking over you saw the elf eared boy with his head on the wall; you knew how embarrassment affected him even second hand embarrassment. You hated seeing him like this though so you got up and walked over putting your hand gently on his back.

"Tamaki are you alright?" You asked him softly. He was thankful you couldn't see his face cause then you'd see his fierce blush. He nodded his head slowly signalling you that he's fine you let your hand linger on his warm back before sitting back down. After a little while he rejoined the living and sat down with you guys talking until your teacher came in and told you it was time for class.

Class went by quickly, well it did for you since you were in your head the entire time thinking about who could be your secret admirer. A ring of the bell signalled that it was time for lunch, no complaint from you though. You could feel a slim hand on your shoulder, looking up you saw the face of the one and only Nejire.

"Ok lover girl let's go to lunch we are hungry." She teased playfully causing the four of you to chuckle and head down to the lunch room. In the three years the bustling lunch room has never changed; but that made it easy for you maneuver without issue. After getting your food you head over to your usual table and sit down with your friends.

The second you sit down you can smell the ever so potent takoyaki Tamaki eats every day. It's honestly gotten to the point it doesn't bother you that much anymore which is good you guess?

"So (Y/N)-" Mirio's voice grabbed your attention "-any idea who your secret admirer is? I know how much you like their gifts and how much you want to know." You understood why he was wondering you were all so curious. Something about this conversation made Tamaki uncomfortable though, he looking down his eyes hidden by the black bangs and you could see his face was dusted pink. You couldn't help but smile before averting your attention back to Mirio's question.

"No I really have no idea as much as I want to. You said with a sigh receiving nods from the from him and Nejire. Your conversation continued as you talked about who it could be but none of them made any sense. You conversation was cut relatively short though when an unfamiliar male hesitantly approached your table. The four of you all looked at him questioningly, his eyes scanned each of you taking a shaky breath he calms himself down.

"H-Hado-chan I was uhmm wondering if you'd maybe like to.. Be my V-Valentine tomorrow?" The boy asked nervously. It looked like he was already ready to be rejected. You had completely forgot about tomorrow being Valentine's Day though so you mentally thanked the random boy. He was fidgeting he kind of reminded you of Tamaki at the moment it wa kind of endearing but you had no idea what Nejire would say.

"I would love to be your Valentine!" She said sweetly and excitedly. The nervous boy quickly relaxed with a breathe and smiled thanking her and running off you a group of guys who very supportively cheered and gave him pats in his back. The friendship they were showing warmed your heart making you smile. She turned back to the three of you with a bright smile on her face. Come to find out he was another one of her friends that she'd known for a while.

"So Mirio do you have a Valentine yet?" Nejire questioned the blond boy who's smile was honestly as bright as the sun. You were happy for Nejire getting asked by someone even if the guy like probably wouldn't ask you.

"Yeah, actually I asked her yesterday. I asked the girl I like and she thankfully said yes." He said excitedly and honestly you were happy to know he has a Valentine too. You knew the girl he's talking about she's in one of the general studies classes of your year and she's honestly a sweetheart easy to say you approve. You felt a little silly forgetting about the holiday of love though. Haha oopsies. You weren't in your head long when the question you had been dreading was asked.

"So (Y/N) do you have a Valentine?" Nejire asked leaning her shoulder against yours knowing about your hopeless crush on Tamaki. You couldn't help but groan slightly at the playful smirk that was spread across her lips. You couldn't tell but Tamaki was biting the inside of his cheek he didn't want you to be someone else's Valentine but he wanted you to be happy.

"Eh well no I don't. I actually kinda.. ya know.. forgot tomorrow is Valentine's Day.." You felt your face heat up an embarrassment the confession earning chuckles from your more extroverted friends but a sigh from the oh so introverted Tamaki. He wouldn't admit it but no only was he relieved but he found it cute. You couldn't help but laugh with them though.

"H-hey guys.. I uhh I have to uhh go and we'll do something. So I'll meet you b-back at the classroom o-ok?" He asked gaining confused nods from us reassuring him that we understood. It was odd for him to go off on his own like this but we respected him enough to not press him for answers.

After the three of you finished you all got up and headed back to the classroom. The halls seemed a little more empty with there only being three of you but you know Tamaki had something he had to do. The walk was fun the three of you joking and talking about their valentines on your way to the classroom the closer you got you saw a figure just walk in. You guys sped up your pace hoping it was Tamaki. Turning the corner into the room you saw that there were multiple people in the room, Tamaki included, so you didn't know exactly who it was but once you noticed it you didn't care as much.

You saw something on your desk. Walking up to it your three best friends trailing closely behind you you notice it's a flower on a piece of paper. All the paper says is 'from your secret admirer'. You couldn't help but smile as the delicate flower cradled in your hands. Your eyes scanned the room but no one was looking at you aside from your friends. You couldn't help but feel a little sad still not knowing who was flattering you so.

Your slight disappointment must have been noticeable because when you looked back at your friends they had concerned expressions on their faces.

"Hey (Y/N) is everything alright?" You heard a concerned Mirio ask you quietly. You didn't mean to look so sad you absolutely loved the delicate pink flower you just really wanted to know who it was. You smiled again.

"Yeah of course! I love the flower it's beautiful I was just.. hoping to see the person who gave it me ya know?" You felt bad for worrying them but you felt better when you saw the three of them smile and nod understandingly. Each of them looked relieved and smiling happily. We talked for a while until the teacher came in and they say in their seats. All through the rest of class the flower never left your desk your mind never wandering from from your secret admirer or the hope you felt that it was actually Tamaki. Once class was over the four of you walked to the dorms together you and Nejire having plans to study and just hang out and talk, not much different than usual.

"So, do you think your secret admirer will ask you to be their valentine tomorrow?" Nejire asked cheekily. You threw a pillow at her in response a nonverbal 'no shut up' if you will. The two of you just laughed and laughed even though you both knew you wanted the answer to be yes. Then she said it. The dreaded sentence. You'd never know it but Mirio asked a similar question to a certain shy boy.

"What would you do if your secret admirer was Tamaki?" She asked smiling only a little. She was serious and you hated to admit it you had no idea what you'd do. You knew he was shy and terrified of that kind of thing so if you did find out it actually was him you couldn't tell him.

"I don't know what I'd do but let's be real he doesn't like me Nejire-chan." You stated sadly you really wanted him to be it but he's not that good with that kind of emotion. Not to mention you guys were such close friends that's all he sees you as and you accepted that. Going back to studying you two studied hero laws for another ten minutes before getting tired and the left to go to her dorm. It wasn't long until you went bed yourself a happy sigh escaping your throat as your eyes slowly closed.

The next morning you woke up to your alarm. Rolling out of bed you sleepily took a shower. After getting dressed in your school uniform you looked in the mirror wishing yourself a happy Valentine's Day and left grabbing your phone, bag, and a granola bar on your way out. You had finished your granola bar before you got out of the dorms thankfully you threw it away in one of the many trash bins on your way. You decided to head straight to your classroom even though you were a little earlier than usual. Through the hallways you saw both couples being lovey dovey and the single friends watching them annoyed alike. Nodding to those you know as you walk past.

The door to your classroom was open meaning someone is in there, or was and they forgot to close it behind them. You walked up to the door slowly hoping to not see a couple making out. As you peak in you see Tamaki smiling you're about to say something until you notice what he's doing. He's putting something on your desk. Walking closer you notice its a thing of chocolates and a note. You smile blushing dark noticing he's not looking at the note out of curiosity he's writing the note.

"T-Tamaki?" You asked softly trying your best not to startle him too much but that didn't work. You heard the pencil drop onto the desk as he froze completely. You quickly slif the door making sure there was no audience so you could talk to him without him freezing even more. He turned around a mortified look on his red face.

"Oh no. I-I uhh I can ex-explain! I-I'm so sorry... You-You weren't supposed to-to... " he stuttered before walking over and placing his forehead against the wall. He couldn't help but think about how disappointed you are to find out its him. You probably hate him now. He couldn't go near you ever again. You were probably mad at him for this. He could never show his face around you again. He could feel a few tears slip out of his eyes and down his cheeks. He messed up and he knew it. He hated himself for it.

You slowly and carefully walked towards him the smile not leaving your face. You put your hands gently on his back being sure to go as slow as possible. He's like a cat at this moment you have to go slow or there may be less than savory consequences.

"Tamaki... Are you my secret admirer?" You asked him your voice softer than your touch. Hoping he said yes. He nodded barely noticeable and you could hear your heart speed up. Slowly you slide your hands from his back to his shoulders. You can feel him tense up even more his breathing hitching oddly. Is he... crying? You slowly turned him around to face you instead of the wall. He was in fact crying softly and you could feel your heart ache. You can't stop yourself and you pulled him into a hug burying your head into the space just beneath his shoulder.

He didn't hug back at first his brain needed a moment to comprehend what was happening. After a moment he wrap his arms around you holding you close resting his head on yours. You stood like that for what felt like an eternity before you both pull away his hands never leaving your body longing for your warmth. Your touch. You looked at him his face beet red a couple tears still wet on his face. Slowly you lift your hands and wipe away his tears smiling softly the entire time before placing your hands around his neck you bodies still pressed against each other. You could see a smile peak through his fear and embarrassment. You leaned up placing a tender hips on his lips. It was too long until he began kissing back completely in sync.

Pulling away you smiled at him and walked over to your desk grabbing a small chocolate.

"Tamaki. Will you be my Valentine and my boyfriend?" You said gently and he walked up to you hesitantly his brain going 30,000 miles a minute. With a shy nod he smiled and you could feel your heart flutter as you popped the small chocolate into your mouth. Mmmm. It was so good. Letting the chocolate melt slowly you kisses him again. He could taste the chocolate in your kiss and he couldn't complain at all about what was going on. Neither of you could. That was until you both heard cheers coming from your classmates who walked in on you two kissing. You both quickly pulled away embarrassed. He rubbed the back of his neck as everyone came up to two and started asking questions. It was embarrassing no doubt but you felt better the second you felt his strong arm wrap around your waist. Best Valentine's Day ever.

#amajiki x reader #tamaki amajiki #tamaki x reader #my writing

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thewritingofspencerrose · 1 year ago

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Mamma Masterlist

Happily Ever After

Summer 2028

"Jack! Make sure their life jackets are buckled!"

"Q, we've been bringing Ellie here for 5 years now, Cohen for 4, I think Jack knows the process on taking them out on the boat," I try to calm, although Quinn's eyes never leave his brothers and our babies, now sat together on the boat with Trevor cuddling Cohen to his chest, Cole and Alex entertaining Ellie as she giggles her head off.

Placing a hand on his shoulder, his eyes drift to mine, his shoulders loosening up as his hands grab my waist. "Those boys treat those kids like they hung the moon and the stars. They'll be ok."

"I know," Quinn assures, bashful and glancing away. "I just worry, you know? It's been 6 years and I still get nervous when they're out of sight. Afraid this isn't real," He admits, ringing our fingers together. "I do the same with you."

My heart hurts that the idea this could be a dream runs through his head at all. But every day I wake up, I can't help but feel the same.

Everything is such a dream.

"The babes and I aren't going anywhere, Q," I assure, kissing his cheek. "Not that I could run anywhere with little lady on my bladder," The joke slips, his hands moving to my stomach, where our second daughter sits, currently asleep.

"Come on you two! Get a move on!" Luke's the one to call, voice loud but smile bright. He's more excited about Lucille being born than we are, given he's taken claim over being godfather, as if we'd have it any other way.

"Why is he your favorite of my brothers again?" Q asks, eyes rolling as he takes my hand, leading us down the path.

"I don't have a -"

"Don't lie, everyone knows you and Luke are closer."

He's not wrong. Luke and I have been close since I first became friends with Q in elementary school. Little me had loved the fact that he was pretty much a human babydoll, being just a toddler at the time.

"I love both your brothers equally," I state this time, the boys on the boat catching on to the end of the sentence.

"But you love me most," Trevor corrects, knowing his flirtatious remarks irk Quinn, even two, almost three, kids and years later.

"Actually, I love Nicole the most," I correct with a smirk, the mention of Jack's girlfriend making him smile.

"You liked her?" He asks, voice shy as he inquires about the girl who had just left yesterday with Trevor and Alex's girlfriends and Cole's fiancé.

"She was really sweet, and she was great with the kids," Is my answer, Jack blushing at my compliment. "She has my seal of approval, all your girls do," I add, Quinn nodding as if he was the one asked.

"Mamma! Daddy!" Ellie exclaims, running towards me and grabbing my legs. "Uncle Jack is going to teach me how to drive the boat!"

"Is he now?" Quinn asks, scooping her into his lap as he sits, Cole taking my arm and helping me gently sit back, Ellie crawling from her father into my side, and laying her head on my bump as Cohen crawls off Trev, moving to stuff his face into my chest as a pillow.

"In a bit," She answers, brushing aside her father's worries with her hands. "I want to talk to Luce for a bit," She explains, beginning to chatter away about something that her "Uncle Alex and Uncle Cole" were doing earlier.

"See why I question it sometimes? How real this all is?" Quinn whispers, letting his brothers taking over the boat. "It's heaven."

I can't help but kiss his cheek and smile.

"And it's going nowhere."

#original character #the writing of spencer rose #nhl fanfiction #best friends to lovers trope #oc x quinn hughes #quinn hughes

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elronds-pointy-ears · 2 years ago

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At your Mercy Chapter 6

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Pairing: Gil-Galad x human! fem! Reader

Warnings: none, this thing is not proof read guys so there might be some mistakes.

Word Count: 2028

Summary: Combat lessons with Glorfindel and a new Job.

Thank you for reading 💜

“What do you know about basic combat?” Glorfindel asked. Not even a week passed and Mallahir annoyed you enough that you went looking for the Captain of the Watch and planned a date for your first sparring lesson. So here you were, standing in front of the blonde ellon who apparently was the greatest warrior who ever lived. He raised an eyebrow when you took a while longer to answer him. “Well I know exactly nothing. I have never had to fight you see. My dad would never teach me since I was a girl and not a boy.” “Foolish.” The blonde said. “That is just one more reason for you to learn how to fight. Or at least defend yourself properly.” You sighed. You knew he was right but it never occurred to you that you might be in danger at any given point. It was just never taught to girls and you never asked anyone to teach you. “Of all the creatures in this world I am going to have to tell you, you are the weakest. I mean you’re a human. A woman at that. I am not trying to offend you but of all races and genders you are the easiest prey. You are small, not so strong and generally just not built for fighting. But fortunately there is a lot we can do about that.”

“For the beginning I am going to try to attack you ok. And you try to fight back ok. So I can see where you are at the moment.” You nodded and got ready, fists raised in front of you. Glorfindel moved swiftly towards you trying to attack you while looking at you. You moved out of the way the first time and tried to hit him when he recovered from his first attempt just to catch your arms mid-air and swing you around so he could wrap his arms around your body and hold you.

“Not bad actually for the first try.” He released you again and told you to attack him this time. “If you can hit me once I’ll buy you a drink after.” He winked at you. His gorgeous smile that followed made you blush slightly and you lunged forward trying to hit him in the face so he would not see your red cheeks. Again he moved out of the way with little to no effort. You kept swinging again and again but you never even got close to hitting him.

Eventually you got a little frustrated. “Can you just stand still for once.” You exclaimed a little out of breath.

“Why? Do you want me to buy you a drink that desperately?” That earned him another swing you sadly missed. “You are unbelievable.” He just laughed. He stopped you after a good minute and told you to just stand there and listen to him.

“I see from our little fight here that you have an excellent fighting spirit. Unfortunately you lack the strength , speed, stamina and really just tactics and strategy. So I am going to teach you the basics first. We’ll start with your stance.” He motioned for you to copy him. “You need to stand like this. Legs spread a little so you won’t lose balance. Bend your knees a little. It’ll help you a lot.” You copied him and when he was done correcting he continued. “Good and now you want to turn your body slightly to the side. You want to minimize the attackable target. But never lose sight of your surroundings ok.” You nodded and listened to him. He explained and corrected you for the rest of the afternoon. He tested you every now and then and it was beginning to exhaust you. So you were grateful when Elrond came to interrupt since you were already feeling your muscles beginning to hurt. You would come back to the training grounds the next day and the day after that Glorfindel insisted. You got along well. His open flirty side was something you had a lot of fun with and he knew it. It was no harm done and it actually helped you to loosen up a little. It was not uncomfortable at all and he was actually very proud when you left the training grounds that day.

You followed Elrond back to the Kings Halls. He said you were needed there and you wondered why. It made you nervous and he must have sensed it. “No need to worry Y/N you did not commit a crime if that’s what you’re thinking about.” He said when he stopped and turned around. “Oh but what is it then my Lord?” “Y/N please just Elrond.” You nodded and he smiled. “I have to leave soon. In a few days I will be traveling to Eregion. I need someone to take up my work for the High King when I am there.” Your eyes widened and your mouth fell slightly open. “Oh no do not worry Y/N you are the best person for this job.” He walked closer to you and put his hand on top of your arm. “You know best how everything works here and I trust you.” He reassured you. “Elrond, no , I am not ready for this. How would I know what to do? What if I mess up? I doubt the High King would have mercy on me like you did.”

Your horrified face disliked Elrond greatly and he searched for your eyes. “Y/N listen to me. I am sure you will not mess up. You’ve practically been doing everything that needs to be done for the last weeks already. Sometimes you’ll have to run an errand for the King and you have to be ready at his request at all times but I assure you he is a noble Elf and a good King.” You gulped moving your hand through your hair combing it back. “I have already informed the King and he accepted so you do not have to worry about it.” “Oh.” Was all you could muster. Your mind was speeding from all the things that could go wrong to how you would probably embarrass yourself to the point that you could no longer look into the High King's eyes. Not that you could look into his eyes now they were far too intense for you so you would look away after a few seconds already. Elronds voice brought you back from your wandering mind “Come on now. Gil-Galad is waiting and even though he is a patient King you best not let him wait too long.”

When you walked into the great Hall the High King sat in his throne patiently waiting for you to walk across the room. With each step you took you could hear the adrenaline rushing in your veins. Why were you so nervous? You stopped a few feet away from the High King and bowed your head.

“My King I have brought Y/N. She has acknowledged what I have informed her of and she agrees to be my substitute.”

The High King moved in his throne and spoke “Y/N do you agree to not tell anyone about matters at court. Conversations are to be kept secret and confidential information is not to be spoken of.” He gazed at you seriously.

“Yes High King. My mouth is shut and I am loyal to you.” You exclaimed.

The High King raised from his seat and walked down the steps. His golden robes billowed in the wind when he descended to your level. “Very well then. I expect you to keep your word.” With that he walked past you to what you assumed were his quarters.

The following morning you met up with Glorfindel again and he taught you how to swing a good fist. The day after that he taught you how to free yourself from someone's grip using your elbow, knee or head. You managed to elbow Glorfindel once and it made you incredibly happy. Glorfindel praised you and everyday you got a little better in combat.

When Elrond left Mithlond to travel to Eregion you knew you were going to have a hard time. You were still not sure why you felt this weird unfamiliar feeling when you were close to the High King but now you had to spend time with him. You could no longer leave the room aor go the other direction when he was there. It was part of your job now to talk to him. Report to him or run around the city to deliver a message if he requested you to do it.

Thankfully he kept interaction between you to a minimum. You imagined he did not fully trust you because of your human heritage and was not ready to let you get too close in case you would turn out to be a traitor. You would do minor jobs for him every now and then, tell him different things going on around town and every now and then ask about humans in what you figured was to understand how the human towns worked and how they lived. Surprisingly you did not find him to be as complicated as you first thought. Elrond was right he was a good King. Great you would even say. He made good decisions and never selfish ones. He put the needs and wants of his people before his own and that earned him great respect from you. He never spoke too much, just a few words every now and then but when he opened his pretty mouth he could either destroy you or praise you in a few words only. Did you just think of his mouth as pretty again?

About a week passed and you found yourself once more on the training grounds with Glorfindel trying to catch you. You learned fast and managed to use most of his previous advice now which made it significantly harder for him to catch you and you both had a lot of fun during your lessons. The training grounds were loaded with ellons and elleths all working on their fighting skills. Most of them with bow and arrow but some with swords. You and Glorfindel were the only ones fighting hand to hand. So usually you would have many onlookers watching you move around. The elves were excited to see their beloved Captain fight since he seemed to be a legend in their world. You dodged one of his attacks using his weight to your advantage and shoved him back. He regained his balance quickly and ran right into you. You reacted quickly and put your weight to your feet so he would not knock you off the ground which he ultimately still did. You wrestled around a little for a while when he managed to pin your arms on your back and press you towards his body so you were trapped. “Got you” he smiled cockily. No way you were ready to give up so easily. You quickly leaned forward and kissed him just long enough for him to loosen his grip on you so you could knock one of his feet off the ground so he was lying on the ground still stunned by what just happened. The watching crowd cheered and laughed and only then you realized how many had seen that interaction between the two of you.

Glorfindel got up and laughed loudly now. “That was not fairplay” he told you. “No it was not. But you told me I had to use whatever I have. Besides, a young woman against an elf is hardly fair I would say.” You countered. “You are a fast learner I see. Good job.” Glorfindel threw his arm around you and led you away.

One pair of eyes followed you closely. The elven King did not know why he felt so angry at what he had just witnessed. He did not know where that feeling came from but he did not like how it seemed to control him. He turned around and walked back to the confines of his Quarters.

Tagging @lotrnonsense / @captainbutterflygirl2 @thesolarangel @lazymeriadoc @bananaphanta @betty-not-boop @fenharel-enaste @eowyn7023

#at your mercy #at your mercy fic #gil-galad fic #gil-galad x reader #myfic #mywork #at your mercy update #gil-galad

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melancholiaenthroned · 3 months ago

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ok its been a few hours here r my absolute batman thoughts...

starting off with what immediately stood out: that man is not blond. we have spent weeks either bemoaning or defending blond bruce wayne, only for him to appear, not blond. when was the choice to unblond him made? neither of his parents are blond, perhaps then? he also doesnt appear to have his gay little dog, but he havent seen much of his home life so im still holding out hope.

the first thing i will say that jumped out to me, and something ive already commented on, is how much of a scott snyder batman book this feels like. which it is, but god i missed this feeling. snyder writes batman a bit more lone wolfy than other writers, but with a very well defined ensemble cast when the need arises. snyders alfred is one of the only ones ive ever actually had, like, any opinions or feelings on, and so having him (even a very different version of him) star in the opening issue feels right. speaking of snyders alfred -- julia! julia mention, julia graduation photo! julia:-) seeing alfred call her in one of the first pages was my first sigh of relief like oh were gonna be okay... theyre estranged, which makes sense considering any alfred but especially this one, but i do wonder why/for how long considering alfred does appear to have been at her college graduation, and i assume shes around the same age as bruce.

bruce who, speaking of, is 24 and born in... 2004. setting this comic in 2028 but also! thats fucked up! what do you mean batman is the same age as me? that gives me four years to bulk up and learn how to do. whatever bruce did with that massive gun to make it "non lethal" (comic books....). its very weird to have a gen z batman but also makes sense considering snyder said this book represents more his thoughts on the mindsets of his children rather than his own (as was the case for his original batman run). bruce is an idealistic young person now! with young person friends... also weird to think that in this universe, killer croc, the penguin, two face, and catwoman were probably also born in the 2003-2005 range (they appear to have been childhood friends, i assume they went to the same school and were maybe also at the zoo that day?).

this is disorganized and i dont have a transition into this section but: the main "twist" of the issue, which i was not expecting at all. martha is alive. bruce lost his father, but he never lost his mother. it makes sense why he seems a little more idealistic (or maybe thats just Alfred's pov skewing events), he really does have like. a whole life. he has friends and a mother and a job, hes not a sad boy left alone in a manor. really not much to say about this considering its only the first issue, but im really excited to see where it goes. it does make this batman feel a little like superman in an interesting way. hes a lot more ingrained in the city by working a job that actually touches its core, hes a mamas boy, he (or at least his social circle) is involved enough in local politics to be going to town hall meetings. and of course. his main villain appears to be this weird ultra rich guy...

which leads me to other main snyder-ism of the issue: we gotta get the joker in here, and he is NOT funny. in classic snyder fashion the joker is SERIOUS now. he wears muted colors and never laughs and is a brunette (which could all change when/if he gets dumped in acid).i really wasnt sure if he was gonna do it, after all snyder has already pretty extensively covered the joker in his old run, and while i think hes literally the best joker writer ever, i wasnt sure if hed been interested in tackling the character in what is essentially a new batman origin. but here he is! and the tables are turned -- bruce is friends with all the jokers old compatriots, and the joker is alone and insanely rich. i honestly really have no idea what to expect from this plot going forward, obviously the current focus is black mask and his gang, but its clear the joker is going to have some part to play. im excited about it, im not one of the people who dislikes joker stories on principle and i was really hoping for snyder to introduce him into this world so its a win for me if nothing else.

anyway! not sure how to conclude this, but these are my thoughts! its been a while since ive been this excited for a bat run, and this will probably be the only thing keeping me going for a while considering weve got tom taylor on tec now. but god. im just so happy. remember being excited about batman comics? if any of u guys read absolute batman plsss lmk what u thought...

#poison.txt #dc #wednesday spoilers #long post

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bisluthq · 2 months ago

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All I see is that 70M+ people rather an accused rapist who was good friends with Epstein and grab them by the pussy guy as POTUS and as a “survivor” (I hate that word) I just feel so defeated and hopeless. Like I know there are extremists in every corner for and against just about everything but like really? HIM? THAT? I’m not American so my family thinks I’m overreacting and stressing for no reason but it just hurts. And Vance seems as much of a cunt as trump in normal circumstances but at least he hasn’t bragged about grabbing pussy yk? Like he’s fucking nuts and if that’s what the maga people are voting for ok, that would still suck cause he’s still a cunt and not just like the older politicians who were mostly centre right or centre left. But he’s such a shitty person in every possible way and that’s their leader??? I just can’t trust society and feel so fucking empty idk.

Gonna eat chocolate. Hugs to everyone who is feeling all the stupid fucking feels rn

I totally get feeling really demoralised tbh! It's absolutely bonkers and upsetting.

This is not gonna make you feel any better - chocolate is a better idea - but imo Vance is much scarier than Trump. Like Trump is a nutcase obviously and that's bad and yes he's a disgusting person but Vance is a legit right wing radical AND he actually talks a scarily good game. He's a very eloquent motherfucker and if HE has his way - and realistically there's a good chance that in 2028 he's elected President - I actually think Gilead is not a horrific fantasy scenario, much more so than with Trump at the helm. At one point Vance suggested disenfranchising the childless. That's a fucking insane thought to even have, let alone say out loud, let alone say out loud as a politician. He's also anti childcare because he thinks it takes women out of the home which is where he thinks women belong. His stances on guns are fucking absolutely crazy right, and he would like to repeal the Gun Free Schools Act (which expels kids for bringing guns to schools like YA THINK!?!?!?!?!?!?) and thinks assault weapons bans are bad and he has referred to school shootings as "a fact of life" which idk how he came up with that but he did. Like the man is absolutely horrifyingly evil and if the next four years are bad for the US (and they likely will be) I shudder to think what the four after that, if he gets in charge, will be like.

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cyarsk52-20 · 22 days ago

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Exactly. That’s why we don’t care about the justice that is coming

#Right? Who the fuck cares about what Maga thinks.#After all #they voted for a #convicted felon #and are ok with #elevating rapists #and felons to his cabinet.#They're a bunch of hypocrites.#Good move #@POTUS #!#All this!!!#Yaaaasss!!! I’m done with explaining these mfers are crazy!#And the statement of nobody is above the law?#A dirty lie!#This is me the next 4 years #. Fuck those backstabbing people #they say that they are with us #and they vote for this 3rd grade educated unpa lumpa.#Fuck you all!#I’ll see you in 2026 #I hope you suffer bad #. I’ll side eye you at the midterms #and prepare to be sick of me in 2028 #There’s no protest or prayers #It’s thoughts and deportations #thoughts and consecration camps #thoughts and Gaza being the new beachfront resort #thoughts and the Palestine ppl #who’s lives you screwed

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justagalwhowrites · 9 months ago

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Yearling - Ch. 33: Discovery

You, Joel and Tommy go on patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-32 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Canon-typical violence. Torture. Smut :). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 9.8k

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

February, 2028

“Bambi, tell your husband to stop being a wuss.”

“Wuss?” Joel shifted to look around you to his little brother. “Who you callin’ a wuss?”

“Think I’ll call my brother-in-law a dumbass instead,” you smirked over toward Tommy. “Seems more accurate.”

“You tellin’ me we shouldn’t be following that path there?” Tommy nodded toward a worn spot in the snow on the other side of the river where the three of you had stopped, sitting astride your horses. “The one that looks like it could’ve been made by a dozen fuckin’ men?”

“Who knows how old that is,” Joel said. “Been weeks since it snowed. And water’s lookin’ high. Would be real easy to end up cold and wet for no damn reason…”

“Seem awful scared of winding up cold and wet for someone who’s not a wuss,” Tommy teased.

“I don’t want my wife,” Joel stressed the word and you smiled a little, tucking your chin into your chest to hide it. “Being cold and wet and getting sick because you’ve got some harebrained idea that we need to run down some track that’s long dead.”

“Bambi, c’mon,” Tommy said. “You know I’m right, you know the horses can handle it and you know Joel’s just bein’ paranoid because you’re here.”

Joel wasn’t about to tell Tommy that he was right. At least, not while he was out on his first patrol since the incident in November. It would just worry you, might make you drag him back to Jackson before patrol was done. But Tommy was right. Joel had been nervous all day, worrying about seeing you hurt. Worrying that, whoever had been after him would hurt you, too. That wasn’t something he could abide at any time but now that you were his wife, it was more vital. It felt different somehow.

A lot of things did.

Not that there had been much tangible change since the two of you had said your vows that night in Joel’s bed. Since the attack, you hadn’t slept at your own house even once, you were already living together in every way that mattered. Ellie and Savvy had become like sisters in the few months that Savvy had been in Jackson, you like a mother to his daughter and him like a father to yours. And Joel had always been driven to protect you, from the first moment he saw you he knew he would do damn near anything to keep you safe. But the sense of peace and permanence he had calling you his wife made life alongside you another thing entirely. Protecting and caring for you was all the more necessary now.

The girls had taken the news well, all things considered. Joel hadn’t really been worried about Ellie’s reaction, of course. You were the closest thing she had to a mother and lord knew the girl had been working overtime trying to shove you and Joel back together after you’d left.

But he could tell you’d been worried about telling Savvy.

“That ring fittin’ OK?” He asked as he brought you a cup of coffee in bed just as the sun started to rise on Christmas morning.

“Hm?” You looked up at him from your spot nestled into the pillows, chest bare and blankets over your lap like they had been the night before as the two of you made promises to each other. The hand that was twisting your ring around and around on your finger stilled.

“You’re fidgetin’ something fierce there, Mrs. Miller,” he smiled a little and handed you the cup of coffee. “Wanted to know if that ring was fittin’ OK or if you were just getting cold feet on me.”

“It fits great,” you smiled a little over the coffee cup, taking a sip. “And no, no cold feet.”

“Alright,” he said, sitting in bed beside you in nothing but his pajama pants. His fingers trailed up the bare skin of your arm. “Then I think you should tell me what’s on that pretty mind of yours.”

“You’re gonna get us in trouble, touching me like that,” you said, taking another sip of coffee. “Girls will be here soon…”

“Oh I can be quick,” he teased. “But I’d rather not rush our wedding… well, morning…”

You rolled your eyes but laced your fingers with his, brushing his ring as you did.

“Talk to me,” he said, turning serious. “Don’t want to start this off with secrets.”

“It’s not a secret,” you sighed, looking at his hand for a moment longer before looking him in the eye. “But… I don’t want to hurt Savvy. I want this with you more than almost anything else. The only thing I want more is for her to be OK. I just don’t know how to tell her.”

Joel nodded slowly, watching you.

“Want to do it together?” He asked gently. You raised your eyebrows. “I don’t want to get in the way of anything but I don’t want you thinkin’ you’re in this alone because you’re not. That’s the whole point.”

You laughed once and then sighed.

“It might help,” you said after a moment. “I think she likes you more than she likes me.”

“Don’t think that’s true,” he said. “She’s just… dealing with some complicated things. And there ain’t a real guidebook for regular parenting, let alone how you raise a kid after the world ends. She loves you. She really does.”

“Should we tell the girls together then?” You asked, looking uncertain.

“I think, if you’re OK with that?” Joel shrugged. “Yeah. I’d like to do that with you.”

You smiled a little and the two of you adjusted in bed so that you were in his arms, your skin soft against his. You finished your coffee and got dressed just before the clatter of teenaged girls took over the house not long after.

Joel kept you tucked against his side as the two of you watched the girls open their gifts, his lips brushing your temple and giving you a squeeze when he could sense you getting tense. He gathered the two of them that afternoon as the four of you got ready to head to Tommy and Maria’s for dinner, your hands stuffed into the back pockets of your jeans as you paced the kitchen until Ellie and Savvy were there and you joined him at his side.

“What’s up?” Ellie frowned, looking between the two of you.

“Well,” Joel said gently. “We were hopin’ to talk to you girls about something…”

“Oh God,” Ellie groaned. “Please tell me no one’s doing anything stupid…”

“Nothin’ stupid,” Joel smiled a little, slipping an arm through yours to curve around your back and tug you close to his side. You looked up at him for a moment but he didn’t need to look back to know that you were on the verge of panic. He could feel it, your whole body was tense, your breaths short and shallow. “Something real good, actually. We wanted the two of you to know before anyone else but… well, we decided to get married.”

“Oh shit!” Ellie’s eyes went wide for a minute. “Congrats! It’s about damn time, honestly.”

Savvy, however, was silent. She looked between the two of you, her brows drawn together, a small frown on her face before she stalked out of the room.

You pulled away from Joel immediately and he went to follow you but you put up a hand and shook your head before chasing her down.

“Shit,” Ellie, said quietly, staring out the back door that you and Savvy had just left through. Joel clenched his jaw for a moment, resisting the urge to go find you no matter how badly he might want to.

“Still a sore subject for her, huh?” Joel asked Ellie after a moment.

She sighed.

“I really wish Bambi would give her some idea of what happened,” she said. “Because she really seems to think that she had some kind of easy fucking time… She asked me a little bit about it after you both got back last month. I guess she overheard the doctors talking but I didn’t know what to fucking say. I don’t think she’s actually pissed about the two of you. I think she’s pissed at the idea that she was on her own while her mom was having some happy life here.”

Joel sighed for a moment before giving in and following you out the back door. You were standing in the snow, halfway back to Ellie’s place, your back to him as you focused on Savvy.

“Don’t let me get in the way of whatever dream life you’re tryin’ to have here,” her tone was sharp. “Didn’t let me hold you back before…”

“That’s not what this is,” you said, calm and steady. But Joel could hear the pain on your voice. “You’re the most important thing in the world to me and…”

“You’ve got a funny way of showing that!”

Savvy noticed him then, narrowing glaring at him for a moment. You looked back over your shoulder to him, your eyes large and round and watery. He came up behind you, a hand going to the small of your back as he pressed himself against your shoulder.

“Baby girl,” Joel said gently. “I know this is something that’s big…”

“No shit,” she snapped in a way that was so Ellie that Joel considered talking to the older girl about how she spoke around the younger one.

“But,” he continued. “You and Ellie are our number one priority. Always have been…”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, looking into the distance instead of at either one of you.

“Us getting married is just about me and Joel,” you said, pressing yourself back into him. “It doesn’t mean we’re choosing each other over you, it doesn’t mean we love you any less. It just means we wanted to make that commitment to each other, that’s all.”

She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment before looking back at you.

“So what does this mean, then?” She asked. “What’s going to change?”

You looked up at Joel for a moment before looking back to her.

“Not a lot, really,” you said. “We haven’t really talked about where we’re going to live but that’s not too different from how things have been the past few weeks. No one here uses my real name, anyway, and you have your father’s last name, not mine, so even if I did decide to take Joel’s name, it wouldn’t change anything for you.”

She nodded slowly, considering. Joel marveled, for a moment, at how your daughter held her face just like you when she was thinking, the same purse to her lips, the same scrunch of her brow. You’d passed on so much to her even if you didn’t give her your blood.

“Think you can be OK with this?” You asked gently after a moment. “I don’t want to hurt you, honey. I love you more than anything, I don’t want you to be unhappy, especially not because of me.”

“I don’t want you to be unhappy, either,” Savvy said quietly. “I just… I still don’t really get this place. I’m making friends, I’m going to school but… it’s all so different. I still don’t know how I feel about any of it.”

“I know,” you said quietly, reaching out and cupping your daughter’s cheek. Joel held his breath for half a moment, until he realized that she wasn’t going to pull away from your touch. “And I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner or get you here when you were smaller and it would have been easier.”

“I don’t want to be angry,” she said, her voice thick and wet. “I’m so tired, Mom.”

“I know,” you said again, pulling her into you and holding her to your chest. She was stiff for a moment before relaxing into you, her arms going around your waist. “I know, baby.”

It got easier after that. At least on the surface. Savvy was still distant but she didn’t seem to be as antagonistic as she had been before. You moved into Joel’s house - though you traded the sound system at your house for Joel’s - and you set up one of the bedrooms upstairs for Savvy, even though she was still living at Ellie’s.

“At some point, Ellie is going to need her space,” you said, moving the twin sized bed for the fourth time, the wood groaning across the floor as you shoved it into a new place. “She’s a grown woman now…”

“Rather not think about that,” Joel grumbled, even though he’d been trying to find a way to talk to Ellie about her friendship with Jesse in particular. They seemed… close. And who knew what she’d been taught in that damn FEDRA school.

“Think about it or not,” you said, standing back, hands on your hips as you looked at your handiwork. “It’s comin’ for you. She’s going to want to actually live an adult life and that means adult space. Would rather her not feel like she needs to move out of the backyard right away to have that. So… Savvy can just come here.”

Joel thought it was a bit optimistic to think that Savvy would be willing to come here, but he couldn’t bring himself to say that. You were finally showing signs of hope about your relationship with your daughter. You’d been suffering with her so far away. You had done a good job of hiding it - he doubted anyone but him had noticed - but you couldn’t keep going like that, not forever. He didn’t want to ruin it, not now.

Your hopeful nature around Savvy was just another way the world seemed to be changing. The patrols outside Jackson were reporting more and more signs of people and, with them would come more infected. Patrols were starting to pick up and Joel felt the push to make himself useful again with more urgency than ever.

While Jackson was filled with incredibly skillful riders and hunters, Joel knew he was one of the best. Many of the folk here had lived a life that didn’t involve much struggle - at least, relatively speaking - after the outbreak. He’d survived with blood and he was more than willing to shed some more to protect his home and his family. Sitting on the sidelines, lame and useless, didn’t suit him.

He’d learned to avoid the gates and the stables when patrols were coming and going, not wanting to look at the men and women who got to go out and actually make themselves useful with envy that was rooted in the self loathing that had started to bloom inside of him.

He started going to talk to the doctors at least once a week, seeing if he’d made enough progress to start going outside the walls of the city again. It was slow going. Getting approved for sex and lighter work around town was one thing. Getting the OK to go outside and hunt down raiders was - apparently - another matter entirely. But, eventually, he got a hesitant OK from both doctors.

Joel got them to put it in writing - feeling only a little bit like a school boy taking a report card home to his mother - and headed straight for the stable to show you. You were working with a horse, one that had been foaled in Jackson right around the time he’d first found you in the snow. It was old enough now that you could work with it, accustomed enough to people that you’d told him you thought you’d be able to get the horse to broke fast. He stood and watched you for a bit, you standing beside her and getting her used to someone putting pressure on her body to guide her, talking to her in that gentle voice you used when working with animals.

“You gonna just stand there and watch, cowboy?” You asked after a few minutes, not looking over your shoulder to him but Joel knew you were smiling all the same. “Or is there something I can do for you?”

“Man need a reason to come look at his wife?” He asked. You twisted look at him at that and he was right, you were smiling. “I don’t think he does. Not when she’s as pretty as you, anyway.”

“Uh huh,” you looked back to the horse, giving her a treat of some kind. “Feel like you’re tryin’ to butter me up over there.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “Or maybe I just needed to look at ya for a minute.”

“Gimme five minutes,” you said, throwing a mischievous look over your shoulder. “Then maybe you can do more than look.”

Joel laughed a little and watched you finish up with the horse before you led her inside and put her in her stall, him trailing behind you. In all honesty, he was happy to watch you work. You were so good with them, you cared so deeply. It was enthralling in the best possible way, just the physical manifestation of one of the infinite reasons he loved you.

You latched the stable door when you were done with the horse and stood close to Joel, taking his shirt by the fistful and pulling him against you so you could kiss him. He was happy to let you, one of his hands finding your face to hold you in just the right spot so he could dip his tongue into your mouth while you moaned against his lips.

“Before this goes too far,” he said after pulling back from you. “Should talk about something…”

“Should we?” You asked, tugging him against you for another kiss.

“Mhmm,” he hummed against your mouth. You released him and stepped back a little, frowning. He smiled a little. “S’nothing bad, don’t gotta look so worried about it.”

“Alright,” you said, a hint of challenge in your voice. “Then what is it?”

“Well,” he said, holding your gaze and trying to shake the feeling that he’d done something he shouldn’t have. “Talked to the doctors…”

Your eyes narrowed.

“And they’ve OKed me to go out on patrol again…”

“GodDAMMIT Joel!” You stomped away from him, back to him, arms crossed. He gave you a moment to seethe, his hands in his pockets, thumbs drumming a stuttering rhythm on the denim. After a few deathly quiet seconds, you turned back. “Really? You really want to go get yourself fuckin’ killed…”

“Sweetheart…”

“Are we just not enough for you?” You demanded, stalking up to him, arms still crossed tightly in front of you. “Me, Ellie, Savvy. Are we not enough? Do you need to go get some kind of goddamn adrenaline rush, is that it?”

He resisted the urge to fight you on it. Your eyes were watery and wide and pleading.

“You know that’s not what it is, baby,” he whispered. A single tear slipped down your cheek and he reached out to gently take your face in his hand, catching it on his thumb. “You’re more than enough, you’re more than I deserve. And you know I don’t want to hurt you…”

“Don’t make this about me,” you snapped. He ignored that, too.

“But we need people who can keep Jackson safe,” he said. “For you, for our girls. I can do that. You know I can…”

“You can’t if you get yourself fuckin’ killed!” You took a deep breath and centered yourself for a moment. “You’re still limping…”

“I know,” he nodded slowly. “But they think I’ll probably limp at least a little for the rest of my life. S’OK. I can ride just fine, won’t hurt me bein’ able to fight…”

“Bullshit.”

“It’ll be OK,” he said gently. “And I’m willin’ to go out with you or Tommy….”

“And,” you cut him off.

Joel frowned.

“And?”

“Me and Tommy,” you replied. “Deal’s changed. You’re limping, you can’t go out with just one of us, it has to be both.”

He sighed.

“Bambi…”

“You want me on board?” You asked. “That’s the deal.”

He sighed again.

“We can talk with Maria,” he said. “See if we have the space for it.”

“Alright,” you said “Because I’m not going to just sit here and watch you get yourself hurt or killed. That’s not what I signed up for.”

“Not what I’m asking you to do,” he said gently. “I don’t want to not come home to you, baby. But I need to make sure I’m doin’ my part to keep Jackson safe.”

It had taken a few weeks for things to line up right with patrols and Joel could feel how tense you were leading up to the day the three of you were heading out. You’d clung to him especially hard the night before. Ellie and Savvy had joined the two of you for dinner and then to play cards and you’d held it together pretty well until they left. But the second they were gone it was like a switch flipped. You pressed yourself against his side, your arms wrapped around his bicep, your head tight against his shoulder.

“You alright?” He frowned.

“Fine,” you said, voice tight.

When he took you to bed, you rode him aching and slow until you came and collapsed on top of him, Joel only lasting a few more deep thrusts into your tight heat before coming undone himself. He held you there, your head against his chest as his hand trailed a slow and easy path up and down your spine. He was still inside you when he felt your tears on his chest.

“Baby,” he said softly.

“Don’t make me come back alone,” you said, lifting your head from his chest enough to look at him, the rest of you still tight against his body. “Please, Joel. Don’t make me lose you, too.”

“Not losing me,” he held your face in his hands. “Promise.”

“You’ll always come back for me?” You whispered.

“Always,” he said softly. “I promise. As long as you promise to always be there to come back to.”

“Promise,” you said quietly.

He’d been worried about how the patrol was going to go after that, but you, him and Tommy had fallen back into your usual patterns easily once you were outside Jackson and you let yourselves relax into them a bit.

It had been an easy patrol until the three of you stopped to give the horses a chance to take a drink and saw the tracks across the river. And Joel couldn’t seem to shake the clutch of fear that gripped him at the thought of putting you in harm’s way by following the trail.

“Tommy, I swear to God, you ever hold this against me…” you began, but he cut you off.

“You’ll shoot me?” Tommy teased.

“Trample you with a horse,” you replied. “But… yeah. You’re right. We should check that trail.”

Joel gave you a look and you just looked back, your brows raised. He sighed.

“Alright,” he said. “Tommy, you take the lead since this is your damn scheme.”

“C’mon lovebirds,” he said, starting across the water. “Sooner we follow this path, sooner we can get back to town and the sooner you two can go back to leavin’ me out of whatever it is you two do.”

Joel was about to give Tommy shit but you beat him to it, lobbing a snowball at him and hitting him straight in the face. Joel barked a laugh as you tried to stifle yours, your arms crossed demurely over your saddle horn.

“Nice,” Tommy said as the snow slid off his face. “Real nice.”

“Well, say stupid shit, win stupid prizes,” you shrugged, smirking a little.

“Not cool, Bambi,” he said, wiping his face clean. “Not cool.”

“You’re right,” you replied, smirk growing. “Think it’s technically cold…”

Tommy leaned around you to look at Joel.

“You’ve had too much influence on your wife,” he said. “I remember when she was a nice girl…”

“Bullshit,” you said.

“Wouldn’t even look at someone mean…”

“Tommy, she’d have always kicked your ass whenever you did somethin’ dumb enough to ask for it,” Joel smiled, a little proud. “Now let’s move before you give ‘er another reason.”

Tommy wiped the last of the snow from his skin with a good natured shake of his head and started off. You called Gatling back into her spot on your saddle as Joel nodded for you to be in between the two of them so he could bring up the rear. At least this way, Joel or Tommy would get hit before you would.

The three of you followed the tracks for a few hours, until things shifted. You noticed it first, that the footprints in the snow looked more well traveled, like people were coming and going from this point in the forest more often than all the way to the water.

“There,” you said quietly, nodding to the brush off the trail. Joel looked where you indicated, a baited trap primed and ready.

“That ain’t been there long,” Tommy said. Joel came up alongside you, closer than he’d normally try to be when on horseback. But it kept the rising fear in him calmer, more contained. He looked around at the ground, the snow so worn down it was hard to have even a remote idea of how many people had been through here recently. Gatling gave a low, rumbling growl and you soothed her with a pet.

“We should go back,” Joel said. “Get backup…”

“That’d be wise.”

Your gun was drawn before Joel or Tommy could reach theirs and you twisted in your saddle to look behind you. Joel turned, too, his sidearm drawn, a group of six men on foot standing about 20 feet back. Their rifles were drawn, at least two of them trained on you. Joel’s jaw clenched.

“Why don’t you folks get off those horses,” a man at the middle of the group said. “See what we can figure out.”

You glanced toward Joel before you whistled Gatling down and started to dismount before he had a chance to argue. Joel did, too, arranging himself in front of you - Tommy at his side, shielding you, too - before stepping closer to the group. Joel slung his rifle forward on his arm but kept it tilted toward the man’s legs and not his head. The man who’d spoken smirked.

“Haven’t seen you out this way before,” the man said. “Care to tell us where you’re from?”

“Not really,” Tommy said as Joel looked the group over. They were all large and broad, young and cocky. Looked to be well fed. These weren’t travelers passing through, of that he was almost certain. “You can tell us, though, seein’ as you’re traipsin’ through our territory.”

“Your territory?” The man raised his brows. “Seems like a bold claim for two men and their… pet to make.”

Tommy snapped his rifle up before Joel did.

“Say that shit about her again,” he snapped. “Fuckin’ dare you.”

Your hand went in the middle of Joel’s back, right between his shoulder blades, a gentle and grounding force, before you appeared at his side, Gatling practically glued to your calve.

“Bambi,” Joel growled, your hand trailing over his back before raising your rifle.

The man looked at you, amused.

“She’s come to play,” he smiled. “That’s good, I like ‘em with a little fight…”

“Trust me when I tell you that I’m doing you a favor, giving you the chance to deal with me,” you said, sounding almost eerily calm. “Try me and they’ll kill you. Assuming I don’t kill you first.”

Gatling growled at your feet, crouched and ready to spring.

“Now,” you said. “Where are you from.”

The man looked at you for a moment, all but licking his lips, before turning back to Joel and Tommy.

“You really let your little woman run the show?” He asked. “Can think of a lot better uses for her smart mouth…”

Gatling snarled and flattened her ears against her head. Joel’s eyes narrowed, raising his gun so it was now aimed at the man’s chest, not his legs.

“That’s my wife you’re talkin’ about,” he strained to keep his voice calm. “Now, you gonna tell us where you’re from or are you gonna make me gun you down?”

“How about this,” the man said, still seeming over confident. “You tell us where you’re from, maybe let us have a little fun with your whore wife, you go on your merry way. Otherwise, we can just kill you.”

Joel’s jaw clenched. Tommy adjusted his grip on his gun and Joel gave him a look before glancing over to you.

“Any of them look familiar?” He asked, voice dangerous and low.

“No,” you said. “Don’t know any of them.”

Joel focused back on the men.

“Good.”

He reached out an arm and swept you behind him a half second before he started shooting, Tommy following suit almost immediately. The men shot back, a bullet glancing off Joel’s shoulder as they did. You, of course refused to stay where Joel had tucked you for long. You stepped alongside him, firing, too, as Joel tried not to be distracted by the terrifying possibility of you, bleeding on the ground.

But the three of you were lucky. The men clearly hadn’t been doing this long. Joel wasn’t sure if they were just bad shots or if shooting and killing a person wasn’t something they were really comfortable with yet but either way, they’d dropped five of them, the sixth taking off, a bullet hole in his leg.

You lowered your gun.

“Gatling,” you panted before snapping and pointing toward the man. “Capture.”

She shot off like a rocket, her ears pressed flat against her head. The man was no match for her speed and she launched herself at him, her jaws clamping around the man’s bicep as she wrenched his body to the ground.

You took a deep breath and then looked to Joel’s arm, where there was now a hole in his jacket that the cold air bit through and a small spray of blood.

“Why do you always find some way to get fuckin’ shot?” You asked, your thumbs gently tracing the outside edge of the small wound.

“Just talented I suppose,” Joel smiled a little before looking over at Tommy. “You OK?”

“Fine,” he slung his rifle over his shoulder. “Should question that fucker and get the hell out of here before worse shows up.”

Joel led the way, drawing his knife. The three of you stood over the man, the same one who’d done all the talking before. He seemed much less cocky now, whimpering as Gatling growled around the meat of his arm.

“Call off your fucking dog!” He sobbed. “Fuck, please! I’ll tell you whatever you want, please!”

“Not one to give in to demands like that, but…” Joel looked at you.

“Gatling,” you said. “Release.”

The dog dropped the man’s arm and came to stand against your side, her ribs pressed to your leg. Joel caught the man’s shoulder with the toe of his boot and rolled him onto his back. He tried to sit up but Joel stopped him, pressing his foot into the wound from Gatling’s jaws on the man’s arm. He cried out as Joel forced him to the ground and Tommy kicked the man’s gun away.

“Now,” Joel said, getting down low and putting a knee at the center of the man’s chest. “You’re gonna answer some questions for us.”

***

Normally, watching Joel hurt someone would turn your stomach. It wasn’t a sight you enjoyed to begin with and you’d never seen him torture someone since you’d known how he learned how to. The fact that he had anything in common with the man bleeding on the ground made your stomach clench.

But this was different. Savvy was back in Jackson now. There were a lot of lines you were more than willing to cross to keep men like this far, far away from her. Including this one.

You rested your hand on Gatling’s head, the warmth of her fur comforting and familiar.

“Look at her,” Joel said, taking the man’s chin in his hand and forcing him to face you before looking at you himself. “You sure you don’t know him? Want to make sure I make this worse if you do.”

“I’m sure,” you said. It was oddly comforting, his threat. It was good to know that Joel was still Joel, even when doing stuff like this.

He nodded once and looked back at the man.

“Count yourself lucky,” he said. “She’s makin’ this easier for you. Now, where are you from.”

“Territory north west of here,” he panted. “In Idaho.”

“What brings you down this way?” Joel asked.

The man was silent for a moment outside of his labored breaths, his eyes closed in a wince. Joel sighed, sounding exasperated before lifting his knife.

“I’m gonna ask again,” Joel said. “Last time it’ll be nice. Why are you here.”

“Why should I tell you, hm?” The man spat. “You’re just gonna hurt me, kill me anyway, what goddamn difference does it make?”

“Now see, that’s just a bad attitude to have,” Tommy said, kneeling next to the man. He grabbed a fistful of his hair and forced his head to turn. “We can make this real hard or real easy. We got a lot of incentive to make this easy. We want to get back home to our families, don’t want to just be out here in the cold for hours on end because you’re being a goddamn dumbass. But, we have shit we need to protect. And if that means stayin’ out here while we take you apart piece by piece until you tell us what we want to know then, well, so be it.”

“Give you just a second to think about what my brother told you,” Joel said, pressing the tip of the knife to the man’s shoulder but not pushing it in. “And then you can answer now or you can answer later. Why are you here.”

The man closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep, shuddering breath before opening them again.

“There are too many of us,” he said. “Too many groups, been fighting over space for the past few years. Decided to work together for a time, find new territory to expand into. Sent us out here to see what might get in the way. Been tracking the territory of a settlement about a day’s walk from here, trying to see where we can push in and what they’ve got to push back…”

You stiffened, a chill running up your spine. Joel looked up to you, his eyes as concerned as you felt. He looked back at the man.

“How’s that been workin’?” Joel asked. “How are you tracking it?”

“We’ve been marking what we think the outside edges are,” he said. “We’ve been pushing in closer, last few months…”

“Who’re you workin’ with?” Joel asked.

“What?” The man asked, confused.

Joel sighed before pressing the knife into the man’s shoulder and he screamed.

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Joel said. “The way you were talkin’ about my wife? I really wouldn’t mind taking my time and takin’ you apart. Who are you working with. Want names.”

“I don’t know!” He sobbed. “Swear I don’t, we run with a guy called Smith, he’s joined up with a couple other guys with groups like his, I don’t know their names…”

“Try and remember,” Joel growled, pressing the knife deeper. You winced and looked away, trying not think about Joel doing this before. Your stomach turned. “The name Mitchum ring a bell?”

“No,” the man said quickly. “Please, no, I promise I don’t know the names! Just that there are three or four of ‘em, that’s all.”

“How far out are the others you’re working with?” He asked. “They gonna be breathing down our necks any second?”

“No,” he said. “No, they’re a few days walk at least…”

Joel nodded before he reached out, brushing his fingers over the outside of your thigh, bringing your attention back to him.

“Any other questions?” He asked you. “Other names?”

“No,” you shook your head quickly. “Nothing else.”

Joel nodded, turning back to the man.

“Can’t let you live,” he said. “You’re a liability. You’re too hurt to get a message back to your people so there’s no point in risking it.”

“Fuck you,” the man spat and Joel shrugged.

“Shitty last words,” he said, pulling the knife from his shoulder before quickly slitting the man’s throat. He gasped and burbled on his own blood for a minute before he went still and quiet. Joel wiped his knife clean on the man’s shirt before sheathing it and getting to his feet. He looked to you then, his eyes wide and soft and deep.

“You with me?” He asked gently. You nodded quickly. He reached out, slowly, to take your face in his hands. His thumbs traced your cheekbones and his eyes looked into yours. “You’re OK? Not…”

“Yeah,” you said softly, cutting him off. “I’m OK.”

You weren’t sure how true that was. He pulled you against him, pressing his lips to your forehead before cradling you against him and holding you for a moment.

“Much as I’m happy you two have worked your shit out,” Tommy said. “We should get moving. Pretty sure he was tellin’ the truth but I don’t want to bet our lives on it.”

The three of you mounted up again, Gatling settling into her space on the front of your saddle.

“So,” Tommy said after you’d been riding for a bit. “Am I allowed to ask the obvious question?”

“Tommy,” Joel said, a warning on his voice.

“Look,” he replied. “Not tryin’ to hurt anyone or fuck up things between you two. But I’ve got a job to do when it comes to protecting my town and protecting my family and you two are a part of both of those things. Can’t defend from something I don’t know.”

“You don’t need -” Joel began but you cut him off.

“Mitchum was the man who held me captive for two years,” you said, staring straight ahead. Gatling gave a small whimper and you scratched her head. Tommy was quiet for what felt like a small eternity.

“He…” Tommy’s voice trailed off. “Two years?” You nodded, not able to look at him. “Two goddamn years?”

Your jaw tightened and your stomach turned.

“Two goddamn years and he ain’t dead yet?” Tommy asked, voice shifting to anger as he rounded on Joel. “The fuck have you been doing?”

“You think he’d still be breathin’ if I knew where to find him?” Joel snapped. “Ain’t that easy.”

“Should do to that fucker whatever he did to you,” Tommy said, ignoring Joel now. “Why haven’t you mentioned this before? We could’ve helped you, could’ve tried to track him down…”

“She don’t want to talk about it, Tommy,” Joel hissed. “Leave it.”

Gatling stretched up to give you a small lick on the chin.

“Joel’s right,” you said, finally making yourself look at the man who had become as much of a brother to you as the boys you’d grown up with had been. The pity in his eyes almost made you turn away. “I don’t want to talk about it. But you should know that he’s still after me. Joel and I ran into trouble on patrol before. One of the men then was one that… I knew him, from before. He said Mitchum is looking for me. He’s got a crew, at least 50 guys when I got out, and he’s looking for me.”

“Jesus,” Tommy shook his head for a moment before steeling himself. “He’s not gettin’ his hands on you. We’ll protect you, not going to let him hurt you, you understand me?”

“I know,” you said, looking straight ahead again. You tried not to think about what the man had just said. That there were groups of men like Mitchum, all bearing down on Jackson.

“Who all knows?” Tommy asked, calmer now. “About… what happened.”

“Joel,” you said, though that should have been obvious. “Ellie knows the broad strokes of it. Now you.”

“Not Savvy?” He asked, frown so evident in his voice that you looked over at him again. He looked sad and you tried not to resent him for it.

“Don’t need her having that shit in her head,” you said, looking forward again.

Tommy was silent for a few minutes.

“I’m really sorry, Bambi,” he said eventually. “You shouldn’t…”

“I don’t want your pity,” you said, harsher than you’d really meant to. “Just… forget I said anything.”

“But…”

“I said fucking forget it, Tommy.”

The rest of the ride back was quiet and you wanted to fix it. But, more than that, you wanted things to go back to how they’d been before. Where Tommy would give you shit and you’d give him shit back, not where he was going to pity you and handle you with kid gloves. You wanted him to keep being your brother, not someone who kept you at arm’s length because they kept picturing the shit that had happened to you.

Olivia was at the stable when the three of you made it back and you were almost disappointed that you wouldn’t be able to get lost in handling the horses on your own for a while. When she stepped to the side for a moment, you took a deep breath and turned to Tommy.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” you said, hoping that this would at least start to fix things. “I get that you need certain… information. I just don’t want you seeing me any different.”

“I don’t,” he gave you a sad half smile. “Just think you’re more badass now, that’s all.”

You scoffed but he waved you off.

“I mean it,” he said. “I do. And I’ll keep it to myself, alright?”

“Thank you,” you said and he pulled you in for a small hug.

“You might be Joel’s girl,” he said. “But you’re my sister. I’m gonna look out for you. No one’s allowed to fuck with you except me.”

You laughed a little at that, Tommy reminding you so much of Richie for a moment.

“I’ll go report out on this patrol,” he said, stepping back from you and looking to Joel. “We got some good information, it’ll help us be ready for whatever’s comin’ our way.”

Joel nodded, a concerned look on his face.

“We’ve weathered hard shit before,” Tommy said. “We can handle whatever these assholes have to throw at us. Took a lot to establish our territory here and I’m not afraid to shed a little blood to protect it.”

He set off and you, Joel and Olivia took care of everything else in near silence, Olivia just filling you in on the goings on while you were gone, seemingly unaware of any tension on the air.

“Should we go by the doctor?” You asked as you and Joel went to leave, your arms tight across your chest. “See if you need stitches or anything?”

“No,” he replied, draping an arm over your shoulders and tugging you closer to press a kiss to your temple. “It’s nothing too bad. Just want to get home.”

You just nodded and let him guide you home, walking in silence, the looming threat from the man Joel had questioned keeping your mind far away.

But when Joel opened the front door, you weren’t met with a quiet living room. Instead, Ellie and Savvy were sitting on the floor around the coffee table, Uno cards fanned out in their hands.

“Should never have told you how the draw cards work,” Ellie was muttering, her back to you and her already sizable hand growing as she drew from the deck in the middle of the table.

Savvy looked up as the door knob thudded into the wall, her eyes finding yours. Her face lit up like she was happy to see you - actually happy to see you.

“Mom!” She dropped her cards and jumped up. “You’re back!”

She ran over to you but stopped short of hugging you, looking you up and down before looking at Joel, too.

“Are you guys OK?” She asked, a little more reserved now, more how you were used to seeing her over the past few months. “Everyone made it through and stuff?”

“We’re fine,” you smiled, trying to actually be in the room with her instead of worrying about the threat of raiders on the horizon. It was easier, knowing that she actually wanted you there. “Is everything OK? What are you two doing here?”

“You were gone a little long,” she bit her lip and shoved her hands in her back pockets. “We just… we wanted to make sure you got home.”

You smiled, reaching out to tuck the stray curl that always popped out from her braids behind her ear. It was an automatic thing, a gesture you’d done countless times since she was a toddler. It didn’t occur to you until your fingers were almost brushing her skin that she might pull back from you now. But she didn’t. She let you touch her, adjusting her hair and cupping her cheek.

“Missed you,” you said quietly.

She smiled. It was tight, a little hesitant, but it was a smile.

“I missed you, too.”

Ellie had gone to the mess hall and brought back dinner for you and Joel and the two of you ate as Ellie and Savvy got Monopoly set up at the kitchen table. The four of you played a game, you paying more attention to explaining things like rents and mortgages and how they’d worked in the real world to Savvy. She crinkled her nose, the concept of money and paying to live inherently foreign to her. Joel kept a hand on your knee for most of it, his thumb tracing a gentle pattern there as you let Savvy clean you out, a small smile on your face every time you had to pay her.

“Well, some of us have to be up early tomorrow,” Ellie said, stretching, back arched like a cat after she won the game. “C’mon Savvy.”

“Yeah, alright,” Savvy yawned and tried to stifle it before getting to her feet.

“It was good to see you,” you said, crossing your arms to keep from reaching for her. “Thank you for staying a while.”

“Yeah,” she smiled, small but not as tight as it had been lately. “It was good to see you, too.”

She looked at you for a moment before hesitantly stepping closer. You lowered your arms and forced yourself to keep them at your sides until she reached for you, hugging you. You slowly, cautiously, hugged her back, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes as you held her close. She felt so foreign but so familiar all at once. You’d never had a chance to truly get used to holding her in the body she’d grown into in the years you were apart but she was still so her, smelling and moving the same as she always had.

You held onto her until she pulled away, her awkwardly staring down at your shoes before clearing her throat.

“Well…” she said. “Goodnight Mom. Joel.”

“Night,” Joel said, coming up alongside you, one of his large hands splaying wide over the small of your back.

“Goodnight,” you smiled a little, your voice wet.

Ellie gave you an encouraging look and followed Savvy out the back door and into the yard. You just stood there, watching them go, until they were inside the shed and the light turned on there.

“Hey,” Joel said quietly from beside you. You turned enough to look at him. He was watching you closely, frowning slightly. “How we doin’?”

You frowned.

“I’m fine,” you said. “Not really sure what you’re asking…”

“Well,” he looked off to the side for a moment before steeling himself and looking back to you with a heavy sigh. “Back when you first came back to me… You said you might need space sometimes. Today… There was a lot that happened, I had to do some shit that I’m sure ain’t easy to watch and… baby, if you need some distance from me…”

“Joel,” you said softly, twisting in his gentle hold so your front was pressed against his. You reached up and trailed your fingers through his curls.

“Want to give you whatever it is you need,” he said as your hands came to rest on his broad chest. He took your wrist gently in his palm and brought it to his lips pressing a kiss into your pulse point. “Even if that’s time away from me.”

“I don’t want that,” you said. “I just want to know you’re here.”

He pulled you a little closer, the hand that was on your wrist trailing down your arm before curling around your back.

“Why don’t we go get cleaned up,” he said, voice low, before leading you upstairs.

You undressed each other while the shower warmed up. You unbuttoned his shirt slowly, methodically, running your fingers over his bared chest before pressing your lips into him there. You examined the place on his arm where the bullet had grazed him, the cut already scabbing over.

“You got lucky,” you said, your fingers tracing over the older scars on his body before you kissed just below the new one.

“Been a lot luckier than I deserve for a while now,” he said quietly.

Once Joel undressed you, you took his hand and led him into the water. You cleaned him gently, lathering the soap in your hands before running them over his skin, cleaning the blood and dirt from his body and finding every mark on him that you’d gotten to know so well. He washed you in return, his large hands cupping your breasts, trailing over your stomach, your arms, cupping you between your legs with tender care. When you were both clean, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your slick, wet body against his own. His cock - half hard and thick - nestled against your stomach.

“C’mon baby,” he said, tilting your head so he could look in your eyes while his nose brushed your own. “Let me take you to bed. Don’t want to rush this with you and don’t trust my bum leg to let me take my time in here.”

You smiled a little and kissed him.

“Promise you’ll take me to a lake this summer?” You asked. “Because I really want to fuck you in the water.”

He closed his eyes and laughed, low and needy.

“Promise, baby.”

You kissed him again.

“Then take me to bed.”

Joel reached behind you to turn off the water and wrapped you securely in a towel before running one quickly through his curls and over his own slick body. You enjoyed the view for a moment - the muscle of his arms and chest, the soft and welcoming swell of his stomach - before starting off toward the bedroom, dropping your towel halfway down the hall and looking back over your shoulder to catch your husband staring at you as you did.

It didn’t take him long to join you, his hands on your waist soon after you were in your bedroom, turning you to face him. His cock was fully hard as he kissed you, his lips hot and needy against you. You arched into his touch, the feeling of him against you, the taste of him on your tongue.

He pulled back from you just enough that you could look into his eyes, all molten hot and soft and open, his nose brushing yours, still breathing the same air.

“Tell me how to take care of you,” he said softly. “Tell me what you need.”

“Just you,” you said, voice breathy and trembling. “I need to feel you, I need you close.”

His mouth swallowed your words as he nudged you back down onto the bed. He arranged you in the middle of it, his skin never far from yours, before he settled in the cradle of your hips. His thick length pressed against your slit, making you moan as he kissed down your shoulder to your breast, taking the firm, pebbled part of you into his mouth and sucking you gently. You whimpered, grinding your hips against him. He kissed over your swell of flesh to your breast bone before looking up at you there, his gaze hot and desperate.

“Needy, are you?” He all but growled before pressing another kiss to your chest. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll take real good care of you. Just let me enjoy you first.”

He worked his way to your other breast, sucking you there while he cupped and gently toyed with the other one, his cock rocking against your core the whole time. You could feel your pussy starting to drip for him, your grasping entrance desperate for something to hold.

“Please Joel,” you panted, working your hips up against him as best you could with the weight of him holding you still. “I need you, please, please…”

He pulled his mouth from your nipple with a reluctant groan before adjusting his hips, your clit throbbing in protest of the loss of contact for a moment before you felt his head notch against your entrance. Joel hovered over you, the soft skin of his chest and stomach ghosting over yours, one of his hands coming to cradle the crown of your head, his thumb tracing tenderly along the peak of your hairline.

“What do you need?” He asked, sounding nearly breathless himself. “What’s my pretty, perfect wife need, hm?”

“You,” you whimpered. You didn’t really care if you sounded pathetic, you needed Joel too much. “Inside me, please, please…”

“Don’t worry baby,” he said. “Give you exactly what you need, always gonna take care of you.”

You felt him press into you then, his cock opening your tight channel as he sank into you. You closed your eyes and arched into the familiar, pleasant burn of the stretch of him followed by the almost shocking fullness when he was fully sheathed within you. He stilled there for a moment, your body adjusting to his size, and you could feel all of him. He was so close like this, closer than anyone else had ever been. Your body held onto his, your thighs around his hips, hands over his chest, pussy stretched taut over his cock. You could feel every breath he took, every throb of his cock within you. He was yours like this, yours and yours alone.

“This what you needed?” His voice trembled. You could only nod. He pulled back from you and you whimpered before he thrust back in with a grunt. “Good. Always give you what you need, baby, always.”

He fucked you hard and slow, his thrusts almost bruising in their force and making your hands leave his chest to twist and tangle in the blankets as your orgasm built. He set his aching rhythm, his tongue sweeping into your mouth and devouring all your needy, fucked out sounds.

Your whole being was drawn in tight and hot when he laced his fingers with yours, pinning your hand to the bed.

“C’mon baby,” Joel panted as he thrust into you deep and hard. “Let me feel you, just let go for me. You’re OK, you’re here with me, just give in. I’ve got you, baby. Take care of you, just give in, just come for me. Just come.”

You pressed your hips up against him and came, your fingers tightening around his as your pussy pulsed and throbbed and he fucked you through it.

Joel didn’t last long, though. Your climax had barely begun to ease when he pressed himself deep and came with a strangled cry. He kissed you as he finished before collapsing onto you for a moment, the heavy weight of him soothing and centering as you came back down to Earth.

After a minute, he pulled himself gently from your fucked out body and lay beside you, still panting for breath as he watched you next to him. You rolled to face him and pressed yourself close, burying your face in his chest that smelled like soap from the shower with a hint of sweat from what happened after. His hand brushed over your hair and down your back in a gentle, easy cadence. He pressed a kiss into the crown of your head and you felt him take a deep breath, his nose nuzzled into your hair.

“You with me?” He asked softly. You nodded into his chest. “How’re you feelin’?”

“After that?” You teased lightly. “I’m great.”

He chuckled.

“Not what I meant, love.”

You took a deep breath, taking the centering scent of Joel into yourself.

“I don’t know,” you said quietly. “I guess I just… I kept thinking raiders were far away from here. Sure, they were out there, we ran into them sometimes, but they weren’t a problem. Not really. But they’re not, they’re right there and I…” your voice cracked and he pulled you tighter.

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered. “M’sorry.”

“Savvy’s here now,” you said, trying to keep yourself from crying. “Ellie… she goes out there. And now you do, too, and… I know I sound like a goddamn broken record but I cannot survive losing any of you. I can’t. And they just take, they take and take and they won’t stop until there’s nothing left and…”

You buried your face in his chest, not able to keep going.

“It won’t be like that this time,” he whispered. “You’re not doing this alone. I’ve got you and anyone who wants to even glance at you or our girls will have to go through me. And good luck keepin’ me from coming home to you.”

You laughed once at that, the sound thick and wet.

“I’m going to protect you, Bambi,” he said, his tone serious now. “I promise you. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll keep us all safe.”

Next Chapter

A/N: I dunno guys, I feel like something might be about to happen.

Could just be me, though.

👀👀👀👀

Thank you, as always, for reading. I really can't say how much it means to me that you're here, that you're so kind and supportive, that you choose to spend your time with this story. I appreciate it so much.

Love you!

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#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #smut fic

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