#ok im fucking scheduling these last ones because i keep forgetting

[fraudulent-cheese]

Evacember day 4 prompt:

Role-Swap AU/Fantasy AU

If you participate, please use the #evacember2024 or #evacember tags or even tag me!

[addictivepsychology]

Day 109

I’m really sick of my job

Every day something is wrong

It’s never just okay

Everything is never just ok

There’s always chaos and we’re to blame

They’re kids, it’s supposed to be chaotic

In the most fun way

I need alcohol

Fuck this

Fuck this job

Fuck your guys for making me feel not worth it

I want to cry so bad

On my lunch

When I go home

I just can’t

I’m going to my bosses house tomorrow though, the one I like, the one with the brains

There’s the big boss,

Then the smart one,

Then the other one

The other one doesn’t like me, she’s rude to me, and she has favorites, which obviously isn’t me anymore

I feel like she’s scared of me, nervous of me to say the least, and

I’m not sure why

Kind of

I guess I’ve always been a little intimidating to people in the workplace,

Like I go for the throat

Because I will if I have to

Especially if you’re my boss doing something you’re not supposed to,

But I haven’t been to that point yet

Yet

You know what’s annoying to,

They aren’t directly going to much bad in my direction, they’re mostly okay to me,

It’s everyone else,

Because they trust me,

But it’s kind of not fair

But I guess it is

I don’t want this position when everyone else wants it but wants to use me as the puppet for it,

I’m so much happier doing other things like babysitting and driving,

I love kids, I love making a difference,

But this, this is not love or kids or making a difference,

This is pleasing my boss ,

An adult human who can’t regulate her emotions,

Who can’t effectively communicate her wants and needs,

Who can’t delegate tasks based on an educated decision,

Oh yeah , a kid threw up today, poor girl,

And two kids got hurt, had to call all their parents,

I think I talked with 5 parents today,

Whatever, that’s the least of my worries,

That’s the easy part,

I’ve always gotten bad advice from the other boss,

The smart one gives me good, sound advice so I try to ask her.

But the other boss gets mad when I talk to the smart one saying that she’s my head person so why am I talking to other people,

I fucking hate that work is taking up this much space, but for now,

This is life

I guess I’m looking for other jobs,

Maybe I’ll float doing uber deliveries and babysitting while looking for remote work,

I’m just so sick of waking up to go to bed,

And trying to be on someone else’s eating schedule

And sleep schedule

And schedule

I’m just tired of living for other people

I want to live for myself

We talked on the phone last night and this morning

I always have fun in our conversations,

You make me laugh, and keep me entertained

As much as you keep yourself entertained

And as much as you make yourself laugh

I’m glad you read these

I have one person to talk to about literally everything

And doesn’t judge my decisions

Who’s supportive

I can’t believe you still talk to me after knowing everything

I guess you’ve shown me that I can be accepted for all parts of me

I have trouble feeling that way when bad shit happens,

I’m not worth what other people tell me, I’m worth what I value in myself

I’m always excited to talk to you again

ButI still wonder what you look like,

Would we meet In person by first look if we saw each other,

You say you can pick me out of a crowd but I don’t think you could,

I guess because of my height maybe,

Im so fucking tired,

I need to wash my hair,

I should workout,

I’ve eaten too many calories today to not workout,

Fuck,

I just want to cry, drink, and sleep,

Maybe that’s what I’ll do,

But workout first

I don’t have enough time for anything tonight

Maybe I’ll drink in the shower

This is useless

I hope their mom comes home soon

I’m babysitting twins who are in 4th grade

I love them

But parents always stay out later than what they tell me

Finally home,

Got my ice cream

Did my little short full body workout

Have to shower

I feel like I have no time

Finally showered, having a drink

Feeling so

Much

Better

Someone’s I drink to see if I have anxiety

Sometimes I become a hypochondriac and forget that shit just happens

So having a drink calms me down and reminds me that I’m fine

And that if something is really wrong with me, the alcohol would make it worse

But only one, then I need sleep

I’m exhausted

Princess

Only a few more days until our weekend!

It feels like forever since I’ve seen you

It’ll be a few weeks in between each time I see you

But that’ll make it that much sweeter

I ruin anything close anyways

I enjoy what we have

I enjoy what I have

I have to finish packing and wash my hair and get ready,

That’ll be tomorrow and Thursday

Friday will be the work party then the long drive

I’ve been talking to a lot of my friends often

And it’s so nice

To be reminded that I have girls who support me

I love them so much

I finally have some women friends

And now I might move away

It’s usually how it works out though

It’ll give me a reason to drive and stay somewhere else

Which is what I love

Right

Being anywhere else

Since I was raised in chaos

I’m excited for my personal life

My work life can fuck off

[dolokhoded]

hii this is the-reynolds-pamphlet (this is my main and i cant get rid of it LMAO im not active on here)

re what you said about the s4 pacing. LITERALLY i wrote that whole other post as an answer to another ask i got about how the chosen's storyline really sucks in some aspects and i said the pacing is going to be incredibly off for season 4

okay first of all. there's a huge timeline issue in season 3 concerning the holidays and how much time passes since season 1, i was gonna make a whole other post about all the timeline inconsistencies but i didnt get around to doing it (i probably should). but like at this point it has been one year minimum since s1, realistically it should be three years if the end of season 4 is palm sunday. then like ??? theyre gonna spend the entirety of s5 on ONE week? and for fucking what. i thought they wanted a "bingeable" proper show with pacing and everything, why would they zero in on that

but anyways about ramah. first of all im 99% sure it's because her actress has schedule conflicts and likely wants to drop out of the show (that's why she mysteriously left to go talk to her dad in season 3). but also it's kind of obvious that they're using her death as character development for thomas for the rest of the series (which is gonna be like 2 weeks maximum over 3 seasons anyway. unless they continue onto acts but that poses another huge pacing problem.) which is pissing me off like?? i had the same reaction when tamar was acting weird for like one (1) episode and then she told mary everything and just left. why would you not give them proper character development established over a long period of time and just confine it to singular episodes like that. im pretty sure tamar's backstory won't be brought up again lmao. also ramah doesn't really have much of a personality (which sucks because i got the impression she was a bit of a rich daddy's girl and there was potential for character exploration) and her character hasn't even been that established so like... partially it's easy to kill her but on the other hand, it isn't as emotional especially bc she wasn't even here the last season.

also remember how in the other post i was like why are they literally giving consistent character arcs and emotional plot for matthew, mary, simon & eden, and james & john but theyre basically forgetting everybody else exists. yeah like james just fucking launches himself at someone and gets knocked out in season 4 which is great but how long are they going to be just keep throwing new arcs for the main cast and keep ignoring thaddeus' existence. btw i watched a clip of That Scene in s4 (i didnt realize what it was when i was watching it lmao) with thaddeus and james and they're basically asking jesus why he's talking about dying. so thaddeus stays personalityless while big james is over there getting concussions #maincharacter. im not saying that scene w/jesus isnt necessary but im saying its thad's big scene and it is once again about Not thaddeus

this entire thing is incredibly bizarre to me because they COULDVE made an actual show with fleshed out characters and everything ??? they confined themselves to 8 1-hour long episodes per season, which of course restricts how much storytelling they can do while keeping in all the major gospel events they need to put in. but like first of all they couldve Not Done that. i think their audience wouldve gone insane for more episodes. second of all, if they WERENT gonna carry on character arcs and give everyone a fleshed out character then why did they introduce them as such??? i mean it was probably because they wanted to spark interest and then just forget about it but that kind of sucks. why did they do this lmao they literally had the opportunity to make it better

ok v rushed reply cause i have to go to the library the bus is coming in 15 minutes which means all the law students are leaving which means empty spaces BUT

you're so right the chosen's timeline is fucked up atp i can't really tell when it's been a day or a week or like. a couple months it's. i dont understand what theyre doing and why theyre doing it like this. cause like. even the characters who do have decent arcs like matthew and simon peter and james and john are not being developed properly cause the timing is so goddamn off. and i Know that in this new season they're gonna try to make john like Rise Above and start to kind of live up to his name as the favorite and have more understanding of jesus' teachings while james doesn't which is very stupid to me cause like. When. i think it was last season that this guy was bragging about getting to plough a field. how are they going to have john transition into one of the most competent disciples just. doesnt make sense.

and ALSO !!!! the reason all of these arcs are being so rushed is because they never get a break because as you mentioned literally nobody else gets any character developement. i wanna see more of thad. and little james. and nathanael while we're at it, and zee, and philip, and mary and tamar's friendship. why are they just throwing shit in there and never expand on it at all, unless you're thaddeus, in which case you don't even get that.

also i have a.,., suspicion, kind of, on where they're going with big james, and i can't be entirely sure, i'm not saying i'm correct, but just in case. Leave Tamar Alone ! i'm begging you ! dallas ! leave tamar alone ! not every single one of your female characters needs a romantic subplot ! i know big james is pretty and you want to give him a love interest so the repressed christian women in your audience keep watching your show, i see him, but for the love of christ actually ! leave tamar alone ! i know that if this happens you're only going to utilize her character for romance LEAVE TAMAR ALONE !!!!

[cognitosclowns]

Can I request a fake-dating thing with Gigi? Maybe she needs a date for some big event and asks Reader to be her fake date, but ends up really liking their company? Thanks!!

OH FUCK IM GONNA EXPLODE. LIKE ACTUALLY START RICOCHETING OFF THE WALLS. THIS IS THE BEST TROPE TYSM

sfw!! just cuteness. It got long im sorry MSNDMSND

Ok usually she has a System (tm) for events, because when your schedule is as tight as hers, you need to have all your ducks in a row.

Usually she has a Shortlist of people she can ask in case she needs a Plus One!!

 Andre, Brett, Glenn, Myc (if she can convince him not to be too much fo a brat smdns) It's all platonic, usually one of those four can be bribed into an event with the promise of Alcohol and Free Food (and Brett does it Just To Be Helpful,, because,, it's Brett MSNDMS)

and yet, somehow, all four of these ungrateful little bastards can't pull through on this night.

And she can't go alone, for several reasons. In the circles she frequents (read : rich and judgemental) its essential to bring a Plus One, because everyone else is gonna have one, and if she doesn't she's gonna stick out.

Keeping up appearances is essential in her line of work, and she really doesn't need ppl starting a gossip train right now.

(and aside from that, it dissuades creeps so that's a plus)

AND THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN BABEY!!!

you are her last hope lmao.

SHE SPOTS YOU FROM HER OFFICE AS SHE'S PACING AND IS LIKE 'you're my date now :)’

AND I MEAN,,, DID YOU REALLY HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO? NO OFC NOT

She only vaguely knows you, but tbh she just needs someone to fill the slot. A beach-ball with a smiley face drawn on it ANYONE.

She even offers you 400$ to sweeten the pot!! Plus the usual promise of free food and rich people to laugh at.

Don't worry about getting an outfit, she works in media. She IS media lmao I have no doubt she's has plenty of experience in fashion, she can absolutely help you throw together an outfit and be out the door in like,, 10 minutes flat.

She isn't expecting much but?? It actually goes way smoother than planned??

It surprises her that you treat it like,, an actual date.

Like you ask questions? good questions?? Not just boring Rich People 'I-Don't-Actually-Care-I-Just-Need-To-Pretend-I'm-A-Person-And-Not-A-Walking-Bank-Account' questions??

You ask her about her ambitions? What was her favorite childhood memory? You two get into a 40 minute conversation about a bakery she misses from her hometown that closed down before she could get their cheesecake recipe??

and FUCK IF THAT ISN'T A BREATH OF FRESH AIR SMDNS

Like oh god you cannot imagine how mind numbing rich people are. Harder than the conspiracies and media scandals and weird social rules is trying to pretend to give a shit about Rich Boy #307's New Golf Course MSNDMS

She literally forgets to mingle.

You mention something about the Gardens and before she can even remember that yes, there was a goal behind her coming to this event, you two are giggling like teenagers running along the pavillion <33

YOU TWO BOLT THROUGH THE SPRINKLERS ITS SUPER FUN.

Occasionally it’ll strike her that she’s supposed to be inside, shmoozing, but she just convinces herself that oh well, she can just do that later.

It doesn't even strike her until her alarm goes off that she's spent the entire night just,, talking with you. 

(the ringtone, ofc, being the sound of someone calling her, so that she has a convenient excuse to get out of whatever she's doing and go home)

She decides Fuck It. You two talk for another forty minutes, laying back on the freshly-trimmed grass before a butler eventually comes out to shoo you off the property MNSDMSN

She drives you home!! Well, her chauffeur drives you home, but she sits with you in the back!!

(She specifically asks her chauffeur to take a slightly longer route, so you two can finish your convo about the musical conventions in Sweeney Todd, because she hasn’t gotten to talk about that shit in YEARS SHES NOT PASSING UP THIS OPPORTUNITY)

She still offers you that 400$, because it's the least she could do for you helping her out w/ something so last minute, not to mention having you stay way later than expected, but you turn it down.

You said something about how ‘getting to get to know a woman as sweet as her was payment enough <3′ and just. left.

it leaves her so completely stunned that she doesn’t hear her driver when they ask if she’d like to be dropped off at home. 

She literally just sits there staring at the spot where you were sitting, holding 400$, feeling absolutely dazed. She’s smiling like an idiot and she doesn’t even CARE THAT WAS SO CUTE OF YOU-

She calls you two weeks later for another event, and you say yes without hesitation <3

[banananutsmuthie]

YouWeMe FINALE: Game Over

Idol(s): Yoojung × Lucy [Weki Meki] (feat. Arin [OMG])

Word Count: 7.1k+ words

Previous Story in Series: YouWeMe Part 9: The Hunger Game (Yoojung x Arin)

A/N: The story is told from Yoojung's perspective in the first half of the story, then the OC's perspective in the second half. I highly recommend catching up with at least YouWeMe Parts 5-9 first before continuing.

Thursdays were always Arin Day: no matter how busy their schedules were, Yoojung would always find time to hang out with her on Thursdays. She marked the occasion in her notebook as “CAR HANG OUT”, using Arin’s initials since her full name wouldn’t fit into the designated block. It wasn’t like she needed the reminder—she could never forget a date with Arin. Yoojung wrote it down in her notebook because it gave her something to look forward to every week. And this week, they found themselves at a board game cafe that Arin found online and wanted to check out.

“This place is so cute! I’m glad we were able to get a table, usually this place is...”

Arin’s words slowly started to fade in Yoojung’s mind until she couldn’t hear anything coming out of Arin’s mouth. She could see her lips moving and her face expressing excitement, but Yoojung stared back blankly as all she could think about was the game. As she looked at the clock on the wall just beyond her view of Arin, she was calculating that any minute now, one of her bandmates would be sending her some kind of proof that they completed the game. And depending on how things played out, there would be more members sending her proof later throughout the day. Her leg shook anxiously waiting for that first text message.

Then, like clockwork, it came. Yoojung lifted her phone off the table and saw a text from Rina. It wasn’t a photo. Instead, Rina sent her a lengthy text:

Unnie, that letter he has... the one from Sei. You wrote it, didn’t you? I recognized your handwriting. I know it’s a game and I didn’t tell him, but don’t you think you’re taking this too far this time? Can’t we just make an exception and end this game already? I’ll take the punishment for the rest of the girls if I have to.

Yoojung wasn’t receptive to the feedback.

🙅‍♀️🚫NO EXCEPTIONS

Let the other girls figure it out

And y r u so protective all of a sudden, did you develop feelings for my bus fling?

He’s my middle school crush! Do you know what I went through just now? I had to send him away and its ur fault. Im crying alone rn in a yoga studio just to keep you happy with your little game and protect the other girls from the punishment. I swear, if you hurt him…

OMFG this is such a twist!

This is gonna be such a fun ending to the game!

And will you relax? He’ll be fine. I’m assuming you fucked him right? Must’ve been nice finally getting to fuck your crush. You’re welcome btw. Pics please!

Before she even had time to return her focus back to Arin, Yoojung received a picture from Rina as requested. It was a cute photo of her and the guy from the bus, Rina leaning her head on his shoulder as the two of them smiled like a happy couple. Attached, Rina sent one final message:

u know, 4 all the guys and girls you fuck, you really should go fuck yourself unnie

Before she could respond, Yoojung felt Arin’s soft hands against hers, Arin desperately trying to pry her away from her cell phone.

“Jagi-ya, are you even listening to me? You seem preoccupied.”

“Sorry, I’m just antsy because today might be the last day of the game. Rina just sent her photo.”

“The ‘Is this a cute pussy’ guy?” Arin asked.

Yoojung blushed in embarrassment. Her eyes darted toward the other people in the room, checking to see if anyone heard her. She grabbed onto Arin’s wrist and whispered, “Not so loud!”

Arin drooped in her seat and pulled away from Yoojung with a frown of rejection. “I think maybe we can just come back again next week; I don’t want to be a bother,” Arin said. She started to get up.

“No, wait! Ok, I promise you have my undivided attention now. How about I show you just how much I care,” Yoojung begged.

“I’m listening,” Arin said as she sat back down.

“You don’t have to do any listening.” Yoojung smiled as she grazed Arin’s leg with her bare foot underneath the table, eventually slipping under Arin’s skirt and wedging between her thighs.

Arin giggled and pushed Yoojung’s foot away. “Not in public!”

Yoojung respected Arin’s boundaries and pulled her foot away, but no sex since earlier in the week was starting to take its toll on Weki Meki’s resident nymphomaniac. Yoojung leaned in across the table and whispered so that only Arin could hear.

“What if I show you how much I care behind that bookshelf of board games?”

Arin was intrigued. Even with a girl as adventurous as Yoojung, she had never felt the exhilarating rush of public sex while trying to not get caught.

“What about board games? I thought we were going to play 7 Wonders?” Arin asked.

Yoojung leaned further against the table. The neckline of her blouse sagged and revealed a hint of Yoojung’s cleavage. Arin’s eyes widened in surprise as she stole a peak.

“The only wonder I wanna be exploring today is between your legs,” Yoojung responded.

Arin giggled mischievously and looked around the cafe; everyone else was too focused on their own board games to notice the two idols in their presence about to commit the perfect crime. She stood up and grabbed Yoojung by her hand and hurriedly led her behind one of the many bookshelves near the back of the cafe. The games on the shelves collected dust, a good sign that they wouldn’t be disturbed.

Yoojung pinned Arin against the dusty bookshelf. Arin stared down at the shorter Yoojung with longing eyes, her arms wrapping around Yoojung's waist and pulling her in closer. Yoojung's chin playfully rested on top of Arin's bosom and she stared back up with a smile.

“What?” Arin asked.

Yoojung lifted her heels off the ground and transferred all of her weight to the balls of her feet until she was eye to eye with Arin. She leaned in and planted her lips on Arin's soft cheek for a quick peck. Yoojung's playful lips caused Arin to let out a restrained giggle, then Arin puffed her cheeks out as if to say that was enough kissing. Yoojung pulled away and returned back to her feet. In her wake, she left a faint shimmer of her lip balm on Arin's cheek.

“I just can't believe how lucky I am,” Yoojung confessed. “So many of your fans imagine you as their girlfriend and here I am living it.”

Arin giggled before responding, “I could say the same about you.”

Arin was a feral mess. She usually let Yoojung be the dom in their relationship, but the idea of being a highly-visible public figure having sex in a highly-visible place drove her wild. In a surprise move, Arin swung Yoojung around so that Yoojung was the one now pinned against the bookshelf. Yoojung was caught off guard by her girlfriend’s forwardness and ended up accidentally jostling the games on the shelf, creating a domino effect as each game fell in succession.

Arin's body tensed against Yoojung's. She frantically looked toward the end of the aisle as if she was expecting an employee or patron to investigate the noise and catch the two of them in a makeout session. Luckily, the bustle of the cafe masked the raucousness.

“No one's coming,” Yoojung said as she pinched Arin's chin between her fingers and redirected Arin's gaze towards her elated half-moon eyes.

“Not true,” Arin said with a smile. “I'm sure at least one of us will be cumming.”

Yoojung stared back blankly, unaware of the double entendre. Then the light bulb in her head lit up when she realized what her girlfriend was implying.

“Oh!” Yoojung finally said.

Arin nodded, grabbing Yoojung by the back of her thighs and lifting her up against the bookshelf. Yoojung wrapped herself around Arin, her legs around her waist and her arms around Arin's neck as they continued their makeout session.

With their lips locked, Yoojung slipped her hand through the waistband of Arin’s skirt and panties. She pinched at Arin’s pussy lips. She lightly rubbed her thumb against her clit. She even managed to penetrate her with two curious fingers exploring Arin’s G spot. She knew Arin’s body well enough to know exactly how to make her cum, and she was doing everything she could to make that happen.

Arin’s legs started to weaken, mostly from having to hold up Yoojung against the bookshelf but also because Yoojung’s masterful handy work was making her weak in the knees, figuratively and literally. Arin pulled away from their kiss and laid Yoojung gently onto the floor.

The two girls fell into their usual pattern: Yoojung pulling off Arin’s top, then Arin doing the same for Yoojung. Then Arin’s skirt followed by Yoojung’s shorts, every piece of their clothing coming off one by one until they were both naked next to a pile of their useless garments.

“In your purse?” Arin asked.

Yoojung nodded as Arin reached into Yoojung’s purse and pulled out the silver bullet vibrator she always kept on her person. Arin turned it on, rubbing it up and down between Yoojung’s needy pussy lips before settling on pressing it against her clit.

The pulsing vibrations caused Yoojung’s muscles to stiffen from the pleasure, but it was what would always happen next that Yoojung really loved. Arin started to straddle Yoojung while keeping the vibrator pressed on Yoojung’s clit, then she lowered herself until both of them started to feel the sensation from the silver bullet.

Already so sensitive, Arin gushed almost instantly. The feeling of her warm juices started to trickle out of her, the clear fluid dripping onto the vibrator and Yoojung below.

“Already?” Yoojung asked. It was a compliment as much as it was a disappointment; Yoojung knew she had done a good job with her hand shoved down Arin’s panties earlier. “What about me?”

She wasn’t called Princess Arin for no reason. She was always so generous with her time and money to those in need, but only Yoojung knew she was also generous with her body to those who were sexually needy, too. With the vibrator still wedged between them, Arin pressed herself against Yoojung. She pressed her lip against Yoojung’s ear and let out three words: “cum for me.”

“Anything for my princess.”

Arin guided Yoojung’s hand toward the vibrator and exchanged ownership, freeing her hands to massage Yoojung’s breasts and pinch at her tiny taut nipples. Yoojung winced and bit her lip, trying to hold a moan from escaping her mouth. She was still cognizant she was in a public area and didn’t need the attention. She got enough attention performing on the stage for all the Ki-lings; this was a private show for Arin’s eyes only.

“Are you almost there, jagi?”

“Almost there, princess.”

“Here, let me help you.”

Arin fully pressed herself against Yoojung’s body and started to pepper Yoojung’s neck with tender kisses. She took Yoojung’s free hand and directed it onto her ass; Yoojung always loved a heaping helping of Arin cheeks in her hand. Arin then started to bounce up and down on Yoojung which allowed Yoojung to feel the pressure of Arin’s pussy against her own as well as Arin’s ass rippling in her hand. Arin was doing everything she could to produce another orgasm, attacking all of Yoojung’s five senses to do so.

“Yeah, you like that, don’t you, jagi? Your little princess knows exactly how to make you cum. We’re not leaving until there’s a puddle of your juices on the floor.”

Arin’s cute threat was the final straw that broke the camel’s back. Yoojung was starting to lose control of all muscles in her body with her orgasm taking over. Yoojung’s toes curled and her face distorted into uncontrollable pleasure.

“Fuck!”

Arin felt Yoojung’s grip on her ass tighten. Her back arched up momentarily and pressed against Arin’s chest. The familiar feeling of Yoojung’s warm wetness started to lather Arin’s pussy, trickling down her thighs and onto the floor. Yoojung’s back quickly fell back to the floor as she let go of Arin’s ass cheek completely. Yoojung turned off the vibrator, tossed it to the side, and let out a drawn out moan.

“That was great,” Yoojung said.

Arin collapsed onto Yoojung, their collective sweat causing their bodies to stick to one another in the everglow of their passionate escapade. She rested her head on her shoulder, and as Yoojung’s breasts heaved and pressed into her own chest, she could feel Yoojung’s heart pounding and slowing with each passing breath. Arin kissed her girlfriend on the cheek while she traced a tiny heart on Yoojung’s sensitive nipple with the tip of her index finger.

“We should do this again,” Arin suggested.

Yoojung could only smile. Just then, Yoojung’s phone started to ring.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Yoojung pushed Arin off her and hurriedly rummaged through her purse to find her phone that was drawing too much attention to the back of the cafe. She didn’t even have time to check who called when she answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Unnie.”

“Ya, Lua!”

“Did you send the guy you met on the bus to my pottery class? Because he’s here. Right now.”

“Yes, but no time to explain! Just do whatever you want with him.”

“So how does this work?” Lua asked. “Am I supposed to record a video and send it to you?”

Yoojung cupped her hand over her phone and signaled to Arin to get dressed. She uncupped her phone and responded.

“I’m only a few blocks away. I’m walking over right now so I can get front row seats. And I’m expecting a good show, Lua.” Without so much as a goodbye, Yoojung hung up and rushed to put her clothes back on. She grabbed Arin’s hand as they both rushed out of the board game cafe, lightly jogging the few blocks to Lua’s pottery class.

Arin and Yoojung stopped in front of the ceramic shop, planting themselves across the empty alley, just far enough to not get noticed. There they were. Through the half-shuttered blinds of the shop’s entrance was Lua. She was definitely giving a good show, pleasuring herself on a pottery wheel with the man tied up in front of her watching the lewd scene. Round and round the wheel spun, picking up pace faster and faster until the studio floor shimmered in Lua’s essence. She unmounted from the pottery wheel and collapsed onto the wet floor. After a quick recovery, she got up and started picking up her scattered belongings and putting them back into her bag. Unsatisfied with the show, Yoojung decided to call Lua.

“Hello?” Lua answered.

“Do you see me?” Yoojung waved as Lua looked out through the blinds in her direction.

“Yeah. Is that Arin sunbae-nim?”

“Yes, I brought her along with me. That was a mighty fine show, Lua. But I’m gonna need to see more. He needs to cum, too. Those were the rules.”

“Are you fucking serious? That’s not what you said earlier!” Lua yelled so loud that she could be heard through the door even without the phone, scaring off some birds dawdling on the street.

“Do you really wanna lose the game, Lua? Don’t make me come in there and tie you up too! It’s not like I said you have to fuck him. Just jerk him off, I don’t care what you do.”

Lua hung up without responding and returned to doing just that. Arin and Yoojung watched as Lua played with her dildos and finished the man off. When she was done, she untied the man from the chair and let him go, presumably to the final location in the letter that Yoojung left him: the park where Sei was enjoying her day off. He started to make his way toward the door.

“Fuck! He’s coming!” Yoojung frantically looked up and down the alley for a hiding spot, but with no spot quick enough to get to, she had to think quickly on her feet. “Quick, kiss me!” Yoojung pulled Arin for a kiss, using her as a shield to prevent the man from noticing her presence.

Yoojung was literally and figuratively on her toes. She closed one eye and enjoyed the taste of Arin’s cherry lip balm on her own lips while her other eye remained open and fixated on the man. For a while, he just stood there examining the note in his hand. Realizing he was oblivious to anything outside his own world, Yoojung relaxed, sliding her naughty hands under Arin’s skirt and groping her ass cheeks while still enjoying Arin’s tongue intertwined with her own.

Arin pulled away from the kiss and said, “I want you to fuck me right here.” It was definitely loud enough for the man to hear.

Yoojung tensed again, giving her a look of horror. The game would’ve been all over if the man discovered Yoojung, all thanks to Arin who couldn’t hold in her horniness at that moment. Arin’s mouth opened in shock realizing what she just did and mouthed “sorry” to her girlfriend.

“Get a room, you two,” he shouted. He walked away toward the main road without much more confrontation. Yoojung and Arin let out a collective sigh knowing they dodged a huge bullet.

“What now?” Arin asked.

“Let’s go find some place to eat and enjoy the rest of the fireworks.”

* * *

Sei was enjoying a nice day at the park by herself when Yoojung called her from a restaurant. Sei took the call through her AirPods.

“Sei!” Yoojung’s voice came through loudly on Sei’s earphones. “Bus guy should be heading your way soon.”

“What? How?”

“Remember when we caught Suyeon unnie in the meeting room a couple days ago? Long story short: I made him think you stole my notebook, but I actually have it. I gave him your location and he’ll be headed your way. If you can finish the game today, Lucy will be the loser.”

Sei panicked. Her mind raced trying to think of what she would do when he arrived; she wasn’t prepared for it so soon. She was one of the least experienced in Weki Meki and wasn’t exactly sure what she would do.

“Unnie, I’m not ready for this!”

“Sei, do you really want to lose to Lucy? I mean, if you wanna take the punishment instead of Lucy, that works too…”

Sei saw a cab pull up in the parking lot and a man emerged from the back. Sei figured it must’ve been the man Yoojung was talking about; the dark skies threatened with rain and no one in their right mind would come to the park in this weather without extra motivation.

“Okay, okay! Just tell me what to do. I think he’s here!” Sei pleaded.

“Just keep cool and keep me on the line.”

Yoojung and Arin could hear him through the speakerphone on the other end of the phone call as he started a conversation with Sei.

“Cut the games, Sei. Where’s the notebook?” he asked.

Arin chimed in with her idea through the call, “Oh! Have him play a game of truth or dare for it!”

Having no time to think, Sei followed Arin’s suggestion, confidently commanding the man to play truth or dare.

As the game started, Yoojung and Arin could hear the man choose truth.

“Oh! Ask him if he thinks I have a cute pussy! It’s an inside joke,” Yoojung said to Sei. Arin and Yoojung both giggled as the man said “yes”.

As the game went on, Sei felt more comfortable in executing without having Yoojung and Arin help her. Instead, they both continued to stay on the line and enjoyed the game of truth or dare. When it finally got to the last round, the man picked dare, and Yoojung made sure Sei was going to get her proof.

“Dare him to get someone in the park to take a picture of you and text it to me. And I better see his cum dripping all over your body.”

“Come on. Are you serious? That’s too embarrassing…” Sei said through the call.

“Do it or you’re fucking me with a strapon,” Yoojung replied.

Yoojung heard the man on the other side asking Sei why it would be embarrassing, unaware Sei was actually talking to Yoojung through her AirPods. Sei played it off nicely before sending him to fetch a passerby in the park, leaving her alone long enough to talk to Yoojung in private.

“Unnie, I have to hang up now if I’m gonna have someone take the photo on my phone. I’ll send it to you after it’s done.”

Yoojung and Arin waited in anticipation until they finally got the picture. When it finally came, Arin gasped in awe of Sei’s body peeking through her soaked dress as cum and rain covered her chest and cleavage.

“Jagi-ya, can we invite Sei over to our next threesome? She looks like a lot of fun!” Arin asked. Yoojung could only smile back, too lost in her thoughts about the game rather than her girlfriend’s request.

And that was it. Yoojung was so excited that her game finally ended and Lucy was the lone loser. She was about to announce the results in the group chat before she got another message from Sei:

Unnie! He knows you have the notebook! Says he’s gonna go crash your shopping date with Lucy tomorrow

The notebook reveal hardly mattered to Yoojung, but she had another idea instead: she was going to let Lucy have her fun with bus guy and let her think she wasn’t the loser, then come in at the last minute to give Lucy the bad news. She continued writing a text to the group chat before finally sending it to everyone except Lucy.

If you’re reading this, congratulations! You’re not the loser of the game! p.s- don’t tell Lucy 🤫

Having paid and finished their meal, Yoojung kissed Arin goodbye and went home to prepare for the finale with Lucy.

* * *

Yoojung was enjoying an iced americano at a nearby cafe by herself. She had already told Lucy she was going to be late to their shopping meetup; she was waiting for the right opportunity to catch her in action with the man who was about to run into Lucy. It was already 30 minutes past their scheduled meet time when Yoojung received a text.

Unnie… where r u? you wont believe who im with. in 4th floor dressing room by swimwear. bus guy waiting outside, will leave door unlocked. come quick

Yoojung bolted out of the cafe and made her way to the department store across the street. Yoojung’s short legs took her through the labyrinth of shops and attractions, climbing escalators like they were mountains as she tried to make her way to Lucy to deliver the bad news. She was already starting to lose her breath before she finally found the swimwear. As she made her way toward the fitting rooms that Lucy had told her to go to, she heard Lucy’s voice carry through the swimwear section: “Now it’s my turn to make daddy cum.”

“Jesus Christ, Lucy, you’re gonna get yourself kicked out of here if you don’t shut the fuck up,” Yoojung thought.

Yoojung made her way into the dressing rooms. There was only one closed door. She assumed Lucy was in there, her suspicions confirmed when she heard a man’s voice say, “I’m so close, Lucy.”

Yoojung swung the door open to see a fogged mirror with bodily fluids dripping down from it. She looked toward the floor, Lucy’s youthful naked body riding the man as both of them looked up at her. She exchanged some banter before laughing and confidently declaring: “Game over”.

* * *

“Game over?” You aren’t exactly sure what Yoojung meant, but you’re happy to see her again.

“Unnie, look!” Lucy says to Yoojung, as if she's seeking confirmation for something. Yoojung closes the door behind her and tears off her skirt, revealing her soft lips that you thought you’d never see again.

“Get off,” Yoojung commands as she lightly kicks Lucy off your cock.

“Unnie, what the fuck?!”

Yoojung ignores Lucy’s confused cry and straddles you, lowering herself onto your cock until you’re buried deep into her.

“Did you miss this cute pussy?” Yoojung asks. “Come on, I know you’re close. I could hear you from outside telling Lucy. Cum for me.”

Given your impending orgasm, you couldn’t care less who’s making you cum. Yoojung starts to gyrate on you just like she did the first night you met her when she was teaching you her “choreography”. It feels just as good as you remembered it. You moan out with rapture.

“Fuck, Yoojung, I’m cumming!”

You can’t hold it any longer as you unleash a sea of semen into Yoojung’s canal, her sinister eyes glaring at you as Lucy stares in confusion and anger at a lost orgasm. Yoojung’s tiny body can’t hold all the cum you keep squirting into her deliciously warm pussy; your cum starts to drip out of her and down your spent cock.

Your body lies almost lifeless against the cold floor as Yoojung gets off you. Cum still continues to drip from her crotch, creating a trail as she sits on the dressing room bench, her legs lifting up and her feet resting on the edge of the seat. She spreads her legs, swirling her fingers around inside her and playing with the seed you just implanted her with.

“Unnie, what’s going on? Did I win?” Lucy asks, still confused about the situation.

Yoojung doesn’t mince her words. “No, you lost, Lucy.”

“What, how? Sei unnie, Lua unnie, and Rina unnie still haven’t done it yet!”

“Oh, didn’t I tell you?” Yoojung can’t hold back the sinister smile across her face. “They all did it yesterday. You’re the last one. Sorry, but you’re fucking me with a strapon when we get home.” Yoojung starts to get visibly excited at the thought of getting fucked by a strapon.

“What? That’s so unfair!” Lucy says.

You’re still lying on the floor. You’re cognizant enough to hear the conversation between Yoojung and Lucy, though not knowledgeable enough to know what’s going on. Before you can ask, Yoojung starts to speak again.

“Speaking of punishments, come over here and lick this cum from my pussy, Lucy.”

“That wasn’t part of the punishment, unnie. You said I have to wash dishes for the next month.”

“Yeah, well… this is your lunch, so you need to lick the plate clean. That definitely qualifies as ‘washing dishes’, don’t you think?” Lucy hesitates. “I don’t have all day, Lucy, come on.”

“Ugh, fine!”

Lucy rolls her eyes and crawls toward Yoojung. She buries her face into Yoojung’s cum-soaked crotch. Yoojung wraps her legs around Lucy’s head, making sure she doesn’t come up for air until Lucy has got every drop of cum in her mouth.

You finally gather enough energy to sit up, backing yourself against the wall. You see Yoojung slump into the bench in enjoyment as you watch Lucy going to town on Yoojung.

“Okay, what the fuck is going on?” you finally ask.

Yoojung closes her eyes as she enjoys Lucy’s tongue massage between her thighs. She runs her stubby fingers through Lucy's hair as she answers your question.

“Well, after I forgot my notebook on the bus that night we met, I just knew you were going to come around eventually to return it. I started a game with the girls where the last one to have sex with you would have—fuck Lucy, right there, don't stop—they would have to do dishes for a month and fuck me with a strapon. Lucky lady Lucy here was the ‘winner’.”

You're still in a state of shock and confusion as you try to make sense of the situation. It slowly starts to piece together as you replay every event since meeting Yoojung in your head: every Weki Meki member wanting to fuck you; the numerous amount of photos taken as evidence; why no one would tell you where Yoojung was; why everyone seemed so focused on the red notebook. You’re still picking out minute details from the last couple weeks when Lucy finally separates herself from Yoojung’s crotch, her mouth full of your seed.

“Ah! Don’t swallow yet! You’re not done ‘cleaning the dishes’!” Yoojung scolds Lucy, pointing to the trail of cum Yoojung dripped onto the floor as well as the excess still on your softening cock. Lucy coldly glares at Yoojung with her chubby cheeks of cum, admonishing Yoojung with her eyes to change her mind. Lucy's breasts rest gently on her crossed arms against her chest, trying to telepathically convince Yoojung to rethink the punishment. Yoojung’s unbent finger relays her unbending determination, continuing to point at the stained concrete as if to say she’s willing to wait all day if she has to. Lucy finally gives in, rolling her eyes at Yoojung again before bowing down toward the floor.

Yoojung watches in enjoyment, fingering herself as she watches poor Lucy lick your cum off the ground. When she’s done, Lucy crawls to you on her hands and knees, parting your thighs as she lowers her mouth onto you and licks up the remaining fluid.

“You’re still not done. Come back here,” Yoojung tells Lucy. “Open wide,” Yoojung commands, Lucy’s face just inches from Yoojung’s crotch. As Lucy does as she’s told, you can see your load in her mouth and Yoojung about to fill it even more with her own juices from her imminent orgasm. Yoojung continues to finger herself until she can’t hold it in any longer. She sprays Lucy in a waterfall of her bodily fluids, some of it going into Lucy’s mouth, but most of it splashing against Lucy’s face, her ruined makeup running down in the process.

“Woo, that’s much better!” Yoojung says as she gets up from her slumped position on the bench. She looks back toward you, grinning as her eyes go back to Lucy and her mouth bursting with cum.

“Why don’t we give bus boy over there one final show before we head back home and fuck?” Yoojung suggests.

You expect Lucy to swallow the load behind her pursed lips, but instead, Yoojung presses her own lips against Lucy’s. You watch the two of them as Yoojung aggressively pokes around in Lucy’s mouth, slurping whatever cum is in there and claiming it as her own. Once Yoojung is sure her transaction is complete, she stands up, hovering over Lucy’s body like a momma bird about to feed her hatchlings. Lucy tilts her head up and opens her now-empty mouth as Yoojung starts to take aim. Yoojung then parts her lips as cum slowly oozes out, creating a long, gooey string of your cum as gravity forces it back into Lucy’s mouth. Lucy receives the last couple drops before Yoojung kneels back down to Lucy’s eye level. Yoojung forces Lucy’s mouth shut as she commands her to swallow. A visible gulp travels down Lucy’s throat before she opens up again to show Yoojung it’s gone. Something tells you Yoojung has made Lucy do this before.

Satisfied, Yoojung grabs Lucy’s clothes hanging on the wall and tosses it at her. “Good! Get dressed. We’re going home!”

The three of you start to put your clothes back on, Lucy not looking too happy with the punishment that awaits her back at the dorm. She takes her sweet time putting on her clothes and fixing her makeup, trying to delay the inevitable.

By now, you and Yoojung are fully dressed, sitting on the dressing room bench as you both wait for Lucy. You look over to Yoojung who’s writing in her notebook. She just finished adding an entry about Arin as you catch her in the process of writing another entry:

Lucy and cute guy from bus: cum swapped bus guy’s load with Lucy in department store dressing room while he watched. made her swallow as punishment for losing game

She smiles at you after finishing the entry.

“So… do you think we can do this again?” you ask Yoojung.

She looks at you in confusion before she realizes you’re being serious.

“Oh! Um, no. It was fun and all, but I don’t really see this as a long-term thing; I get bored of boy toys easily.”

“Well, can I maybe take you to lunch and change your mind?” you ask.

“Hmmm… I don’t see that really happening. I already have a girlfriend,” Yoojung replies.

Lucy freezes in the middle of applying lipstick. “Unnie, you have a girlfriend?” You’re just as shocked as Lucy to hear that, especially after everything that’s happened.

“Yeah, it’s kind of an open relationship. She lets me do whatever I want, but at the end of the day, she knows I’m with her.”

“Unnie! Who is it? How did you meet? Tell me everything!”

“She's an idol. I’ll tell you the rest just as soon as you hurry up so we can head back home and finish your punishment!” Yoojung says, playfully tapping Lucy's breasts.

Lucy finishes reapplying her makeup and Yoojung happily grabs her by the arm as she opens the door.

“Well, it’s been fun, ‘Mr. That’s a Cute Pussy’.” You can’t help but smile at Yoojung—that’s the first time any of the Weki Meki members have ever referred to you as anything other than ‘bus guy’.

Just like you told Elly a couple days ago, you tell Yoojung, “I have a name, you know.”

And just like Elly, Yoojung replies in a sing-song tone: “I don’t care!”

She smiles as she tugs at Lucy’s arm. “Come on, let’s go!”

As they exit the dressing room, you see Yoojung happily skipping away. Her skirt floats up and hangs in the air with every skip, revealing the creamy bottom of her bare cheeks hiding underneath as they bounce and jiggle with each step. Lucy doesn’t seem as excited: she drags her feet as Yoojung continues to haul her by her wrist. As their figures start to get swallowed by the sea of swimwear, you hear Yoojung calling back out to you.

“Don’t forget to stan Weki Meki! And support our next comeback!”

You laugh at how typical of a farewell it is coming from Yoojung.

“Well, that was… something.”

* * *

It had been a few weeks since you last saw Yoojung or any of the Weki Meki members. The feeling of being rejected by Yoojung and being used by her members still stung a little, but you took solace in the fact it was a memorable couple weeks. Despite all the trouble you went through and the fact you’d probably never see them again, you still supported Weki Meki and were excited to finally see their comeback.

You turned the TV on to KBS2, eagerly awaiting Weki Meki’s comeback stage on Music Bank. Soobin and Arin were backstage interviewing the group. Yoojung was standing next to Arin during the interview and the camera cut to them just as Yoojung’s playfully naughty hand squeezed Arin’s butt underneath Arin’s skirt. Arin looked back at Yoojung. Her eyes opened wide and gave off a death glare while her lips communicated the opposite as it curled into a smile. Yoojung knowingly smiled back while Arin, the ever-professional show host, continued to question Weki Meki unfazed as if nothing had happened.

It all started to make sense now:

The “CAR” hang outs. Yoojung cumming harder than ever for Arin. The idol girlfriend. And the noticeable Arin butt squeeze on live tv.

“Holy shit. Yoojung is dating Arin!”

You were happy for Yoojung. She deserved to be happy. You couldn’t help but think how hot the sex between her and Arin would be and just how jealous you were of Yoojung. You started to imagine how Arin’s beautiful body would look naked. You closed your eyes trying to envision it before opening them back up as you smiled from ear to ear.

“Now THAT’S a cute pussy.”

* * *

Epilogue

The moon does its best to grab the attention of anyone still out on the streets. It’s moot. Even at this late hour, the city lights of Seoul continue to drown out the night sky, making the moon an afterthought on a cold and snowy winter night.

The streets are almost unrecognizable without any cars or people. The quiet that cuts through the desolation is quite eerie, if not oddly satisfying. Your tapping foot crunching against fallen snow is the only sound that can be heard for blocks, replacing the usual hustle and bustle of the never-ending concrete jungle. This isn’t the Seoul you’re used to.

Closed eyes are the only way to escape the winter cold, if only temporarily. The vision of lying in a bathtub under running hot water fills your imagination. Yet, it couldn’t replace the harsh reality of sitting alone at a bus stop, hunched over as your scarf dangles from your cold, stiff neck after another late night at work. You open your eyes in reaction to the sound of footsteps approaching.

“Hey there, stranger,” a familiar voice calls to you.

You open your eyes and look out towards the sidewalk. Your eyes struggle to adjust, but it’s enough to see the woman’s vague figure slowly approaching. The moonlight casts a shadow on her face, obscuring her identity even more. Her shadow on the snow-lined sidewalk makes her look like a 5-metre behemoth.

“Doyeon?” you call out to the approaching figure.

There’s no response, but her figure starts to become more clear as she approaches. She really isn’t as tall as she seemed when she was a block away.

“Sei?”

Still no response. As she gets closer, the shadows that covered her face slowly disappear, replaced by her illuminating smile as she finally stands in front of you.

She points at the empty seat next to you. “Is this seat taken?” she asks, her breath visible in the cold.

Suddenly, your tired body is filled with a jolt of energy. Your back straightens from your slumped position and you return the favor with a smile meant for her. It feels like this moment was bound to happen one way or another, an unchangeable point in time, if you will.

Of course it’s her. Of course she’s here. How could it be anyone else?

The universe always gets it right in the end.

You signal her toward the open seat with a smile as big as the Cheshire Cat. “What are you doing here, Soeun?”

She takes the seat you graciously offered her. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you ever since this past summer. I didn’t know how to contact you, though. Until last week, when Yoojung unnie told me she first met you on this route. I’ve been passing by every day ever since, hoping I’d run into you.”

Soeun continues, “I’m sorry about everything. I kept replaying that moment in my head when you came into the yoga studio. I wanted to tell you, ‘Don’t go.’ I wanted to tell you about Yoojung. I wanted to tell you about the game, but Yoojung can be… demanding. I couldn’t bring myself to betray my bandmates if I told you about the game—that’s why I couldn’t ask you to stay. I had to make a horrible decision and I’ve regretted it ever since. In fact, I was so mad at Yoojung unnie that I didn’t speak to her for months after that. She recently apologized and that’s when she told me where I could find you. Still, losing you a second time like that, it was the worst day of my life.” She holds back tears as she looks back up at you with a smile. “But it was also one of the best days of my life because I got to see you again.”

You reassure her, “It’s not your fault. I totally understand. I’m just glad you’re here now.”

Her warm body inches toward you, finally wrapping her arm around yours as she grasps you tightly for warmth.

“How many stars do you think are in the sky tonight, oppa?”

It’s impossible to give her an answer; there’s just too many stars to count. The only stars that matter aren’t even stars at all.

Soeun’s eyes reflect the moonlight underneath the cover of the bus stop, twinkling like the stars above and continuing to rain jubilant liquid crystals down her cheek.

A feeling of déjà vu overcomes you, recalling the night you left Soeun many years ago. Only this time, you don’t have to leave her.

“I really missed you, Soeun.”

“I missed you too, oppa,” she says, her head now resting on your shoulder.

“Don’t go away again,” you tell her, mirroring the same command she gave you the second time you left her last summer at the yoga studio.

She chuckles. “Not this time, oppa.”

“You promise?”

“Promise.” Soeun continues to grasp tightly onto your arm, snuggling up your shoulder and enjoying the reunion.

In the quiet twilight while waiting for the bus, the streets are still empty. No Yoojung. No red notebook. No games. Just you and Soeun together as one again, experiencing the same jubilance you felt when you kissed Soeun for the first time.

Soeun breaks the silence. “Do you remember that night on the rooftop when you left?”

“Of course. Why?”

“I said if you ever came back, I made you promise to come look for me. And do you remember what you made me promise to do in return?”

It’s been too long to remember all those tiny details. Does it even matter? Soeun is here now.

But then she reaches into her jacket and suddenly all your childhood memories with her start rushing back when she produces an item from her pocket.

“Here. I got this for you.” Soeun hands you her present: that all-too-familiar orange package of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

It doesn’t matter how or where she found it. The only thing that matters in this moment is the significance of what it means and the promise it represents. It’s the start of something new. Words don’t need to be said. You knowingly smile at Soeun as her soft lips give you a peck on the cheek. Promise fulfilled.

Suddenly, you hear the slight hum of the bus’ engine as it turns the corner and makes its way toward you.

“Come on.”

Your fingers interlock with Soeun’s. Warm. Inviting. Nothing can ever beat this feeling. As the bus door opens in front of you, a rush of refreshingly warm air escapes the vehicle and grazes your freezing faces. You both board the bus hand in hand with a whole new journey ahead of you.

Something tells you this isn’t the last time you’ll be seeing her.

THE END

A/N: A very huge thank you for those who started from YouWeMe Part 1 and stuck it out to see it to its ending! I hope you enjoyed the series! Be sure to check out the retrospective link below for a bunch unreleased A/Ns: series notes, foreshadowing lines, and other behind the scenes notes.

Next Story in Series: YouWeMe: A Retrospective

[jaehyunfirstlove]

Hii congrats on your 1k milestone🌈🌻🎉

I have a request:

A fic where Y/N is cheating on her soon to be husband with Jaehyun but like Y/N and Jaehyun are exes and each other's first love and they become fwb also Y/N is cheating because she suddenly realizes she still loves Jaehyun but don't wanna break her engagement but then suddenly Jaehyun doesn't want to let her get married to a man she does not love and would do anything to have her because he is convince they are the ones truly meant to be with each other.

Ok im sorry it's sooo detailed but dang this shzz has been in my mind, though it's kind of messy and I really hope you write a fic like this cause I will truly be grateful😍😍😍

Pairing: ex!jaehyun x f.reader

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, smut (18+ only)

Warnings: infidelity, oral sex (f. & m. receiving), fingering, unprotected sex

Word count: 0.9k

A/N: i love how detailed this request was, anon! thanks for sending it in, hope you like it!

He sounded like a good match, perfectly good on paper anyways. Your parents approved of him, since they had wanted to marry you off to a ‘good man’ who could ‘take care of you’.

Only he wasn’t Jaehyun; your ex, your first love, and the love of your life.

But you’d agreed to the marriage, thinking it was for the best, wanting to get on with your life and feeling the pressure to give in to your parents’ wishes.

Only you couldn’t forget Jaehyun. And the way he could make you feel.

“Oh Jaehyun, just like that,” you’d moaned one night, when you couldn’t give him up, when you couldn’t give up his tongue on your pussy.

“I know you like that, baby,” he’d groaned, “I know how you like it.” And then he’d sucked your clit into his mouth, making obscene noises that you’d drowned out with your moans. You knew it was wrong, you’d felt a twinge of guilt knowing you’d accepted another man’s ring just hours before. But Jaehyun knew you, knew how to make you unravel, knew how to make you forget.

Later, you’d given in to the luxury of laying in his arms, head tucked into his chest, limbs wrapped around each other, listening to the steady beat of his heart. You’d only left when you got a text from your fiance asking you what you were doing, reluctantly extricating yourself from Jaehyun’s sleeping form.

When Jaehyun re-entered your life you figured you could have your fun before you got married, he’d agreed to be fuckbuddies after you told him about your engagement. But old feelings resurface, as they do, and you’d suddenly noticed how he looked at you, and more importantly, how you’d look at him the same way.

As the engagement progressed, you felt less and less inclined to participate in any of the wedding preparations, your mother and soon-to-be mother-in-law taking over instead. You had begged off, claiming a busy work schedule, but instead you were fucking Jaehyun whenever you could, your urge to be with him overriding every rational thought in your mind.

“Stay with me,” he’d said one afternoon, when your lips were wrapped around his cock, his fingers threading softly through your hair. Tears had pricked your eyes, but it wasn’t from the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat. He had picked you up anyway, gathering you in his arms and kissing you gently all over your face until you had stopped crying. You lay in silence afterwards, knowing the position you were in. He had sighed, knowing your life’s path didn’t include him anymore, but still hoping that maybe, maybe you would change your mind.

With every day that passed though, as the day of the wedding approached, you still couldn’t bring yourself to break it off. Jaehyun made one last ditch effort, showing up at your rehearsal dinner. Before he could make a scene, you had dragged him away, pulled him into one of the bathrooms, where he’d locked the door behind you and pinned you against it.

“I can’t let you do it,” he pleaded, lips leaving a trail of heat down your neck, “please don’t marry him.”

You bit your lip to keep from crying, and from moaning with the way his hands and lips were making a mess of you. He kissed your collarbone, careful not to leave a mark, just as his hand went up your skirt. You let him manhandle you, let him have his way with you, wanting nothing more than him; the feel of him, the taste of him.

The touch of his fingers on your pussy made you cry out, and he put a hand over your mouth to silence you as he scissored his fingers inside you, making you come so fast your eyes rolled into the back of your head. With your legs still trembling he lifted you up, sinking his hard cock into you so deep you dug your fingers into his shoulders.

“I love you,” he groaned, “no one can love you like I can, no one can fuck you like this.”

You moaned behind his hand, unable to contain your pleasure, unable to hold back anymore as he pounded you against the door. You could hear your mother walking the halls outside, calling for you, but you couldn’t give a care about it anymore, not with the way Jaehyun’s cock was hitting you so hard you could barely breathe.

He was close to coming, you could feel it with the way his hips stuttered and how his muscles tensed up, and he was going to pull out like he normally did but you held him fast. He looked at you, eyes dark and intense, but questioning. The sudden urge to give yourself to him, to let him have all of you, overtook you then, and you held him tight against you as he came, spilling his cum inside you. He took his hand off your mouth and kissed you, hungrily, the need in the movement of his lips so evident it brought tears to your eyes.

---

The next day you still found yourself in your wedding dress, hesitating to enter the hall where your soon-to-be husband was waiting, along with all of your family and friends. A text sent earlier that day had given you your other choice: Jaehyun waiting outside to whisk you away in his car.

If you turned right, you would enter the hall and marry a man your parents approved of, and begin the rest of your life.

If you turned left, you would run away with the love of your life.

You turned left.

---

Thank you for 1k!

[lusciouslii]

actually yknow what forget that, my kink blog ill post whatever little thoughts i want. even if im just yelling into the void at least i get to yell!

longer rant incoming bc im tired and want this out of my system!!

-

so i met this guy on feabie and immediately it was super exciting because we go to the same college!!

hes also super fucking hot which was its own weird thing bc ive really never experienced like physical sexual attraction so that was weird. but yeah dude looks good and he has a nice voice so thats already not helping me

we’ve met up a couple times now, once to sorta test the waters, once just to cuddle in my room???? which looking back it was at that point i was straight up fucked because as someone who had recently gotten out of a bad relationship in which all my needs and emotions had been completely neglected, having that kind of sweet and affectionate intimacy?? all while my chubby body is being praised and adored??? never once had that in my LIFE.

the other few times has been pretty lowkey too. we did do a feeding session once but i got sick and it was the most humiliating thing. but he was so nice and caring and we continued to talk afterwards so i just try not to think about it anymore lol

we didnt talk much over the summer since i had to go back home across the country, but he reached out a few times and i was like damn ok im still of interest to him

this semester started great because i planted the seed (aka posted a pic showing i was back over here) knowing he would probably see it and if he’d say anything, and he fucking did he reached out and was excited i was back and wanted to meet up soon. schedules were a little rough but eventually we did!

i felt extra happy because it was sort if spur of the moment decision and he was moving back an online hangout he’d been planning with friends for a couple weeks. so i was like omg he really wants to see me even if only for a little bit thats so nice

and now that we have several months ahead of us we started talking about doing more of a feeder/feedee setup and things like that and im, obviously, super into the idea, and he seemed super into it too!! the dirty things he said to me that night!!!! not fair!!!!!!!

i sent pics later that night bc we talked about it and he said he’d “return the favor” lol but the. like. i sent them and he didn’t say anything until i posted a pic to feabie 🙃 and he was like oh sorry i completely missed your text! which like alright, and he asked me how i was doing and blah blah brief smalltalk

i asked if he wanted to meet up again soon and he said “Yea I’d be down, I gotta see what’s going on tho / need to play it by ear”

now heres where i get all introspective because to me, i dont see why we couldnt just schedule something in the future. unless, that is, hes trying to keep his schedule open for other stuff. i can get that to a certain degree, and i have to like. really ponder on it because i dont want to be some clingy needy girl who is fawning after a guy im not even dating, but its like….idk it makes me feel kinda sad? that im not enough of a priority to want to pick a set day to do something? so idk how to feel about that exactly

anyways i tried asking again some days later and he wasnt free, no surprise, usually when we do something its sorta this impulsive last minute thing, which again like. sorta plays into that whole im not really a priority unless idk youre horny or something

but its weird cause it seems like he does care and does want more than just horny shenanigans? we havent had sex yet and have only even had one actual feeding session. soooo worlds most patient fuckboy if thats the case but i just really dont get those vibes

but also im gullible and see the best in people i care about and thats how i got fucked over in my last relationship

im just feeling pretty sad about the whole thing right now because we talked about doing all these things and i really want that but hes so uncommunicative and im afraid of being obsessive. again, might be on me too because im going in thinking maybe theres a chance to do more

but then again even if there isnt thats FINE i just want to do SOMETHING lmao

so now im just left wanting and thinking about him a lot and oh yeah need i remind WE GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL WHY CANT WE JUST MEET UP CASUALLY ONE AFTERNOON 😭

idk but im afraid of maybe ruining the best relationship ive formed in this kink after figuring out what i wanted from it. god even now im just like “youre thinking too hard about this it doesnt matter that much, youre supposed to be flexible and chill and just go with the flow cause its just a little side thing” but welp. my brain is noisy and i dont have a good outlet. another problem of not having friends in this kink but im not good at responding to people which online is the only way to talk to people and now im just rambling

anyways ending this here and hoping he’ll reach out eventually cause boy does the heart yearn 🥲🥲🥲

[thesolotomyhan]

narcos méxico: jealousy hc

my first request, kinda nervous but i hope i delivered anon 💕

Warnings: NSFW!

Tags: @fandomnerd16​ , @visintaes​ , @sheeshgivemeabreak​

ok wow is this bitch long, i didnt realize that,  i got carried away lmao,,,  just a friendly heads up :))) and also, I went with them being your ex in both scenarios!

Miguel:

miguel angel would be the obsessive ex, holy shit, he would have eyes everywhere on you,,,

he would get to know your schedule at a day to day basis-

like he would have azul out here keeping him updated about your whereabouts, like what you’ve been doing, who you’ve been seen talking to, weekly, like clockwork,,

but i can lowkey see azul not telling miguel a single fucking hint that you may have been seen talking to some guy-

like azul just wants to have miguel focus on the business in front of them not worrying about you because miguel was the one to drive you out of the relationship,, its his own fault for letting you go, now its on him to gain you back on his own,

wow ok, so i can see this happening when miguel throws a fancy gathering with all those governments and high powered people,, where he would invite you to come celebrate his success in who knows what,,, but he just needs to make sure you come,, he wants to try and rekindle what you had, porque te extraña-

he’ll be nervous like that time before his birthday party in s2 where he was pacing back and forth, anxious to know if pacho was going to show up, yeah that would be him right now,,, asking azul every minute if he for sure knows if youre going to show up otherwise why even throw the party if youre not coming-

i cant- miguel probably wouldnt even go down where the party is,

he’s holing himself up somewhere until azul comes and tells him that you finally showed up-

this man would be so desperate to see you that he doesnt even let azul finish his sentence before he’s already bolting down to look for you,

and as soon as he sees you walking in he would act like all cool all of a sudden, shaking hands with people along the way, smile shining brighter than ever, but damn does that smile not last long once he glances back to you where he sees that you brought a date-

Im dying just imagining the dark look he would have when he sees your date lean in to kiss your cheek, leading you to sit down-

just the way he’ll watch you like a hawk throughout the night, clenching his jaw with the biggest scowl on his face

gripping his drink so hard it looks like he’ll break it any second as he curses under his breath, when he sees your date kiss your hand from across the table-

THE CHALLENGING GAZE HE’LL GIVE YOU WHEN YOU MAKE EYECONTACT HAS ME WEAK-

shaking his head as he starts to get up when you look away,,, like he’s officially done sitting around all night because your his mujer y de nadie mas

just the way he’ll walk up to your table so confidently, acting like this dude doesnt even exist and ask for you to accompany him for an issue he needs your input with,

not sparing one glance to your date before he has his hand wrapped around your arm, dragging you to this empty hallway-

i- the way he’ll trap you against the wall when you protest against his hold as he grabs your jaw tightly so he can look at you directly, both of your faces nearly touching-

“basta, ya,, que traes con ese cabron eh, mija?”

and you’re not about to take his shit just because he got jealous the very second he saw you with someone else after he was the one to push you away-

“Que chingados te importa miguel, tu fuiste el que ya no quiso nada conmigo”

“es que no entiendes, verdad?, me arde verte con otro cabron”-

i-the way he cant help but cut you off when he sees you open your mouth again, ready to shoot another comment at him, just to roughly kiss you, shutting you up,,-

its one of those kisses that have you both almost suffocating each other,, all the built up anger mixing in with both of your love for one another that your both too stubborn to admit,,

fuck, ok the way you dont feel his hand sneak in between your thighs until he unexpectedly already has one of his fingers inside of you-

your muffled whine swallowed by his desperate kisses to keep you quiet as you grip his arm to keep you somewhat stable on your legs-

“Ese pendejo no te puede hacer sentir bien como yo puedo mija.”

just, the way your hips involuntarily begin to move against his hand, biting your lip so hard your almost drawing blood from them as he forces you to keep looking at him, pumping his fingers into you repeatedly, adding his thumb to play with your stimulated clit-

“Imagínate, si ese cabron te ve así, de como nunca serás de el”

wow,ok,  he wont stop until he has your knees buckling, pulling him into you to silence your moans when he makes you cum, i-

him kissing your forehead, telling you he’s taking you home to remind you who you belong to as he leads your wobbling form out, MAKING SURE TO GIVE YOUR DATE A SMUG ASS SMILE WHEN HE LEAVES WITH YOU- lmao i cant

god, him making you look into the mirror as he fucks you as he roams his hands all over your body, telling you that you’ll always belong to him, as your hands grip his hair- ok

celoso miguel would have you on the verge of tears as he pounds you into the bed-

just making you into a blubbering mess, not giving you a single chance to breathe before he’s already thrusting deeply into you again,,

reminding you again and again that no one other than him can have you like this-

making you scream who you belong to all fucking night until he knows you’ll be sore everywhere in the morning- i, wow

Amado:

alright, so i can see amado being the ex that would act like you were just a fun pastime for him when in reality he’s depressed porque te perdio-

I’m imagining this happening very shortly after you two are broken up, because ustedes todavía son pajaritos enamorados

Amado’s stupid ass probably just said something like “your safety is the most important thing to me, that’s why I’m breaking up with you, to keep you safe” type of beat-

but i just know he would be the mf to be like, i need to forget about the love of my life by fucking with other viejas, just trying his best to forget everything about you,,

but you would probably catch wind of this some way,,, and that he’s out here being a mujeriego and acting like nothing ever happened between you two was real so your just like ‘alright, if that’s how its going to be, two can play at this game’-

im H o l l e r in g, i can imagine this scenario where he would take some vieja to a club, maybe a club he used to go with you all the time-the audacity-

he would be out here smiling, buying drinks left and right, all laid back, like a cocky mf,,, hiding his insecurities because he’s egoistic like that, trying but failing to “enjoy” his date because its just not you

thats when just out of curiosity, he would look around the club, entertaining himself,, scanning everyone there and would automatically fucking spot you within seconds,,, except youre not alone :)) your dancing with some guy,-

and that one simple thing, that youre dancing with someone else, someone that’s not him, touching you like that, has him pissed,

like all of a sudden his only focus would be all on you,, as he’s clenching his jaw and bouncing his leg impatiently,, watching you and your date dance,, as he curses under his breath at the scene unfolding before him-

can you imagine tho, if you both lock eyes- con una mirada he’s telling you “are you fucking serious?”

wow, the way he’ll bring his clenched fist to his lips, wanting nothing more than to knock the shit out of the bum of your date, as he stares daggers into him,,-

he would wait until he can corner you alone tho,  not wanting to start any drama-

he would get up so fucking quick when he sees you start to walk over to the bar, esta desesperado el cabron,, not wasting time to grab your arm and drag you somewhere, away from everyones eyes-

youre already angrily trying to pull away from his hold before he grasps both of your arms and holds them in between your bodies, stopping you from pulling away as he pulls your body into his,,

both of your fiery gazes looking into each other-

“Me quieres decir quién es ese hijo de la chingada para ir a matarlo ahorita?”

WOw, the way you test him with a simple look, not answering his question because you know exactly what buttons to push to get him even more irritated than he already is-

THE SEXUAL TENSION-

just, the way the both of you hold your stares, challenging the other to move first, with the only noise being the loud thumping of the music in the background-

he’ll pull your body even more closer to his, your lips almost, almost touching-

“no seas asi, mi reina, por favor,  déjame enseñarte lo que él no puede darte” im not ok omg

he literally feels his heart soar when he sees you slowly nod your head-

ugh, just,, the bottled up emotions would pour out as soon as he gets you home-

it has you both tearing each others clothes off, with those messy kisses where neither of you want to pull back from, as he carries you and drops you on the bed,,

wow, the way he would groan, when he sees you naked on his bed,throbbing for you because he finally has you where you belong,,

god, is this man going to have you manhandle you all night until your begging him to stop-

just, pushing your body down and holding you there when your trying to squirm away from him, orgasm after orgasm,,,

chuckling down at you, telling you your going to take it-

like , its going to be the type of sex that has you almost ripping the whole fucking bedframe off from the overstimulation he’s giving you,

wont stop making you say that your his, forcing you to never look away from him, when he tells you i love you, over and over again-

or the way he’ll pull your head back onto the pillow when you try to bite down on his shoulder when he hits that one spot inside of you repeatedly, just, scolding you that he doesnt want you to hold back on your moans-

the CHOKING KINK, you already know it was coming,, it makes him rock hard when he wraps his hand around your throat while he’s making you scream his name,,,

the bruising grip he’ll have on your hip as he feels your nails leave streaks of red on his back as he’s buried so deep into you-

“Dime, que ese hijo de su rechingada madre nunca compara conmigo, mi amor”

rubbing your pulsating clit just to see the way you roll your eyes back, and dig your nails into his bicep- whispering the most dirtiest things into your ear-

fuck, ok but the way you both look down where you connect, moaning into each other as you watch as his cock disappear inside of you- im not sorry

just- turning you into a shaking and whimpering mess until all you can say and remember is his name by the time he’s done with you-

[remingt0nleith]

thorns | remington leith

try & find the hidden palaye royale song title in the fic! & additional A/N at the end. 

A/N: hi wow long time no write :( SORRY! I have ideas and I try to write then my brain just doesn’t want to put the ideas on the word document. + y’know having depression doesn’t help things bleh... BUT I did write a full something finally (yay bare minimum author things!) This was requested! gonna keep trying to turn out requests & work on dark cherries also my birthday is on thursday and i’m turning 24 (wow im getting old help) & also the bastards comes out the day after so yay! lets chat about it when its out ok?

Request: Where Remington cheats on the reader and she finds out, but he does everything he can to get her back? 

Thorns - A Remington Leith one-shot. || 1.9K words || under cut.

The catalyst for a ruined night came in a round of shots. Emerson poured the amber liquid into hot pink shot glasses that the boys had picked up days prior. Remington wasted no time in downing his, barely flinching at the bitter taste that now coated his tongue. 

“Slow down there, cowboy” 

Sebastian laughed before throwing his own shot back, placing a hand on Remington’s cheetah print covered shoulder.

“We can’t have our lead singer fucked up out of his mind, can we?” 

The eldest brother chided playfully as he took the bottle from Emerson and poured more shots.

As the brothers drank and talked anxiously about their first show of a new tour, Remington’s phone buzzed in his back pocket, taking it out he suppressed an eye-roll at the message filling his screen;

My Love <3: HEY BABY JUST WANT TO WISH U LUCK TONIGHT YOU’LL KILL IT. LOVE U. 

He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him lately, usually, he’d be thrilled at the love and adoration his girlfriend of three years was showing him. She was always cheering him on, listening to his music, and supporting his band in every way she could. Although she was unable to come to most shows due to a fast-paced work schedule she always made a point to let the band of brothers know they had her support. That should’ve been enough to keep Remington happy but recently he had become cold towards his girlfriend and as he put his phone away without responding all thoughts of her disappeared as well. 

Remington headed backstage after the show still high from the performance. The adrenaline from the encouraging crowd and kick-ass concert his band delivered had Remington feeling happier than he had in months. Once in the dressing room, the boys quickly changed out of their sweaty stage attire into more relaxed outfits, and like clockwork, shots were once again being handed out.

Once everyone had a decent buzz going the boys and their crew headed out to a nearby nightclub to celebrate the success of the show. Remington realized halfway to the club that he had forgotten his phone in the dressing room, a fact that didn’t phase him, in fact he was happy to be rid of the constant ringing. 

Once inside the packed club, Remington waved goodbye to his brothers and made his way to the bar.  His buzz had diminished slightly in the car ride and that was a no go for Remington so he ordered a drink, which quickly became two, then three before he headed to the dance floor. 

Packed in a sea of bodies the singer danced to the music, enjoying the happiness that came from the night’s events as well as the alcohol in his system. When a manicured hand grabbed him and pulled him close, he didn’t object, instead, he wrapped his arms around the dark-haired beauty. 

The pair danced together to the techno music blaring overhead, strobe lights illuminating their faces, hands roaming freely over each other’s bodies before the woman leaned in and planted a sloppy kiss to Remington’s lips. 

If there was a moment of panic, a spark of recognition somewhere in the sober part of his mind, Remington ignored it. Instead, he deepened the kiss with the gorgeous stranger, when the pair eventually pulled away from the kiss, they headed to the bar for more drinks. 

When Sebastian came to let Remington know it was time to head to the hotel, the frontman wasted no time in asking this new girl if she’d like to go with him. Much to the dismay of the older (and wiser) brother, she said yes and everyone piled into the van and were chauffeured back to the hotel to continue the party. 

Morning light filtered through the window a sign of a new day, but as Remington opened his eyes the gravity of last night hit him. He was alone in his hotel bed, the white sheets crumpled and covered in streaks of makeup (his or hers, he wasn’t sure). Flashbacks of last night filled his mind and all at once he realized the hickeys on his body were from a stranger, the realization filled him with shame and dread. 

He found his phone which had been placed on his nightstand by one of his brothers or their touring manager (who always cleaned up after the boys’ wild nights) and on it were several unread texts and calls which came in at varying points of the evening. 

[9:13 pm] My Love <3: It should be time for u boys to be on stage! I’ll be stalking twitter for updates and vids love u 

[12:02 am] My Love <3: Watched a ton of vids that are already being posted! Get back to me when u get this my love so proud of u xx 

[3:56 am] My Love <3: Guess your phone died or your out celebrating a great night. Call me when you see this or wake up. I love you. 

[10:20 am] 5 missed calls

[10:27 am] *attached photo* REMINGTON.... FUCK YOU.

The photo on his phone screen displayed the girl from last night under the covers as a passed out Remington slept beside her. The caption didn’t say anything besides a winking emoji and she tagged him and his band’s account. 

Instantly, he was dialing his girlfriend’s number, hands shaking as he paced around the spacious hotel room desperately waiting for an answer.

“Hello?” 

Rose answered, soft voice hoarse from hours of crying. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry..” 

Remington started to explain, words tumbling out of his mouth faster than he could form them.

“Save it” 

Rose snapped before continuing her voice harder and more assured now than it was just moments ago. 

“I never thought you’d do this even as the band started to gain an audience, I told myself that I had nothing to worry about. All the pretty girls and boys didn’t matter because what we had was strong but it sucks being proven wrong huh?” 

Remington’s sudden surge of tears prevented him from speaking as the pain in his chest grew with each word. The saddest part of it all was that she was right and that ripped him up inside. 

“Rose I-” 

he whispered, voice barely audible even to himself. 

Instead of an answer he was left hearing the sound of the call disconnecting. 

The tour passed by in a daze for Remington and while his brothers desperately wanted him to be more present, they understood. He’d get on stage and sing, forgetting about the pain in his heart for that hour or so, as soon as the curtain closed the ache in his chest was back, a cruel reminder to the life-changing mistake he’d made.

Rose had cut off all contact with her now ex-boyfriend instead choosing to go through Emerson to inform him she was moving out of their shared apartment in LA. 

Each night in his hotel bed, memories of the past three years filtered through his brain until he exhaustingly cried himself to sleep. 

Remington used Emerson’s phone to send a series of texts to Rose to apologize, to accept full responsibility but the only reply he received was instructions to give Emerson his phone back and to leave her alone.

Just as quickly as the tour started it was now coming to a close a few months later. The boys were back in LA for a sold-out show in typical Los Angeles fashion. Remington never stopped trying to get ahold of Rose -- he sent flowers to her new address, letters where he begged for her back, apologizing and pleading for her forgiveness yet he was never awarded a reply. He didn’t blame her at all but that didn’t mean the pain hurt any less, he’d do anything for a second chance. 

Shots of vodka were taken, cheers and high fives were given and the boys hit the stage.  Remington gazed out into the crowd, a see of silhouettes behind bright stage lights.  After a few songs, Remington sat down at the end of the stage, dark boots quietly thumping against the side. 

“Y’know fans like to think we’re perfect” 

he stated which earned a chorus of “I love you’s” as well as cheers from the crowd. 

He smiled before continuing, 

“As much as I love to hear it, it’s not true and sometimes we royally fuck up. I fucked up and these past few months have been hell so I wrote this song.”

The crowd applauded as they watched their favorite singer head to the piano, the spotlight shining on him as he sat down. 

“This song is called Thorns,” 

Remington began to play a hauntingly slow ballad about losing the love of your life and how apart of you is lost as well. 

The pain in my heart is defeating me

Cracking me open for all to see

I’m numb to life, deep inside

Needing you to realize, you’re the better part of me

An illusion of love is what I fear

Taking each step is now unclear

A rose garden in my dreams,

You leaving now in front of me

Take my heart it’s filled with thorns

A rose trapped inside a perfect storm

Throw me to the wolves I’m on my knees

Begging for my rose to please believe

I made a mistake that I can see

Yet this pain without you is deafening

My heart of thorns cuts me deep 

Paralyzing me and making me weak

Please my rose I beg you, have sympathy.

The rose garden in my dreams,

But you’re leaving right now in front of me

Take my heart it’s filled with thorns

A rose trapped inside a perfect storm

Throw me to the wolves I’m on my knees

Begging my rose to please believe 

I love you Rose it’s all I know, I’m sorry for all my sorrow

By the time the song ended, Remington had tears blurring his vision. He was so wrapped up in playing the song he didn’t realize he had started to cry but to the audience that just made it so much more beautiful. 

After the show, Remington hurried off the stage in order to collect his emotions but in the dressing room sat Rose. Her blonde hair was curled and she wore a red dress and in a true movie moment a dozen roses sat in her lap. 

“Rem that song…” 

she started but before she could finish, Remington ran over and threw his arms around her, hugging her to make sure she wasn’t just a figment of his imagination.

“I’m so sorry”

he whispered once she hugged back. 

“The flowers were from Seb” 

Rose mumbled, green eyes flicking down to them after their hug. Sebastian must have ordered them because he knew what Remington was planning. That was his older brother alright, always playing the papa bear role. 

The singer’s mind was racing a mile a minute, he had a million questions but all he could do was apologize. 

Rose shushed him with a chaste kiss before speaking,

“By no means have I forgiven you completely. That song however beautiful doesn’t make everything go away but I’m willing to work on us”

Remington nodded, happy she was here and willing to give their relationship another shot.

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes,” 

he whispered, wrapping her in another hug.

They knew it would be a long road to get back to where they were before but Remington was happy he had his Rose back in his life. 

xx

A/N: omg that song was not that good I came up with it on my own though and I’m not a lyricist lol hope u enjoyed xx 

[hufflautia]

Hope you’ve had a great day today 💛

funnily enough, i literally just stopped crying. today was a bad day, I don't know 

why but my anxiety was just quite bad today and I was panicking before school started. something happened in my first class and I overthink a lot, so my mind was like, “oh my god why did they write your name last, do they hate me, am I boring, am I forgetful, people are always forgetting about me” and “my teacher doesn't like me, why didn't he respond, I'm embarrassed, why did you have to say what you said??” my English teacher does these “mindfulness” moments in which we sit in silence for a minute and reflect on the day, and I literally started crying. after the minute ended, I just stopped bc I didn't feel like crying anymore, and suddenly my brain said, “ur so fake, ur just acting, why did u stop crying all of a sudden, u just want attention u crave attention ur such a faker!!” also I keep thinking about something that happened years ago with my dad, I don't rlly wanna get into it but I think it would be good if I just say it so that its not jammed in my head. basically, I was really young, like in elementary school; my dad asked me if i wanted to sleep in his room with him, and originally, my mom was sleeping with him and i shared a room with my little brother. however, i was like hmm maybe, and then my dad said, haha ill pay u 5 dollars. at the time, i said YAY OK but now i realized that's so fucking creepy, yall know what its insinuating right?? anyways, i said ok, bc it was just a change from the usual sleep schedule and i liked spending time w my dad, so my mom went to my brothers room (it was a king-sized bed so it was ok, it wasn't a small bed that we had to share or anything like that) and i went to my parents room. basically, what happened was that we went to sleep, and in the middle of the night, (the next part makes me feel so uncomfortable and i feel queasy writing it) my dad slapped my butt really really hard to the point where i woke up and i was like ?????? and then he rubbed it softly immediately afterwards. i didnt know what happened, and i told my sister the day after, and she was confused too. recently i was thinking about it and I'm still confused and a lot more uncomfortable with what happened. here is my theory and i was very upset by it bc no one would want to think things like this- maybe my dad likes hurting women during sex and it was a reflex that night, but once he realized it was me, he tried “soothing me” or some shit by rubbing my butt (i literally hate this, i hate the fact that this happened and i don't like typing it out). no one wants to think about their parents sex life so this was just disgusting to think about. also my brother and mom keep arguing and fighting with each other, and I'm sure i have trauma from hearing my parents argue all the time so i rlly don't like it when they fight. my brother has explosive anger and he literally screams at her, which is very disrespectful; however, she screams at him too and sometimes hurts him, which scares me. I'm not worried about my own safety, I just hate violence i hate abuse, that scares me. so much stuff has happened in my life, and it results in a lot of trauma and other stuff that i don't even know about. i just know im really fucked up, im damaged and it just all felt like crashing down on me today- like everything thats happened, i was feeling anxious for no reason, i was thinking about the past, and i started crying again while watching netflix after school, so i just kept crying and i talked to myself out loud about my day and why i was feeling the way i was. that did help to some extent, and after i did that, i stopped crying, and then my brain said “why do you shut off your crying so easily, you seem fake, you seem like you wanna be sad and cry just so that you can see your pretty little tears drip down ur face like an actress, ur so fake ur so fake ur faking it ur not actually sad”, and the hardest part was that i didnt even object to it bc i didnt feel like anything was real, i felt like i didnt know who i was. i was like ok bitch whatever maybe ur right maybe i am faking it. i dont even know how to explain it, but its like being tired of that nagging and negative voice that you just submit to it, and you say ok whatever sure i am faking it, but in truth, the sadness i was feeling was real and genuine. about 10 min ago, i saw that someone tagged me in a fanfic and while i was reading it, i literally started bawling. i guess it was bc i saw in my email inbox that people had sent me asks, and i was happy bc i thought that maybe the person who sent me the fanfic idea responded back with more details. i was anxious about that before, bc i was thinking, oh god what if they just never respond, what if they just dont care about u anymore. when i saw the asks notifications, i felt a lot of relief bc i thought to myself, oh phew ok people still care about u. when i was crying while reading the fanfic, i couldn't stop crying, it felt endless. i couldn't just stop crying like i had before, and it reminded me of the time when my mom was going out to meet someone that she met on a dating app, and it was in the earlier times when she started doing this; she had gotten involved with some terrible men in the past, men who catfished her and were rlly vulgar and gross. im sure this was somewhere in June, when i had just posted chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series bc when i was freaking out about the date, i wrote about it in my journal and i know that it was somewhere in June bc i wrote something like “mom is going out to meet someone and im nervous, please please please i hope shes ok and careful, im really nervous and scared, no one likes my writing, mom is probably in danger, oh god oh gosh”. it was just a whole bunch of negative and anxious thoughts, including how i was feeling about the whole situation with chapter 1, so that's how i know it was somewhere in June. anyways, basically i was really scared for my mom bc shes had a bad history with online men and i was scared that someone was gonna kill her. i read and listen to a lot of murder mysteries, so my mind was going absolutely wild. i remember on that day, i went to take a shower after writing that entry in the journal, bc showering makes me feel better. when i stepped into the shower i started crying bc i was really scared for her and i was hoping she was safe and ok but i was just feeling so scared so i was crying and i couldn't stop crying. that was the scary part because i just kept bawling and i couldn't stop like i usually do; my brain said ok that's enough, you’ve cried enough, but my heart just kept going on and on and my brain said ok ok jessica holy jesus that's enough and eventually i sucked it up and was kinda ok afterwards but still sad and numb. that was similar to what had happened about 20 min ago. also im sure i was also sad today bc yesterday, my mom talked to me about in-person college visits, and her demeanor was very rushed and controlling. she said, “ok jessica we’re gonna do the college visits, we’re gonna drive there, and your dad is gonna come home for that. tell him that you need to do that, ok? tell him we do the college visits together.” i said that colleges are doing virtual tours, and her facial expression was very strained, she was like “DO NOT TELL HIM THAT. dont tell him that, ok?!” and she was pointing her finger at me and everything. she said, “tell him we’re going to do the physical college tours, which colleges do you wanna visit??” and she kept telling me not to tell him about the virtual tours. it reminded me of whenever she told me to say this or that to my dad over the phone, and i was upset, like oh great ok so dad’s coming home and i dont even wanna see him bc i dont like him that much, and now im gonna have to lie bc dad is probably gonna already know about the virtual tours and im gonna have to pretend that none of the colleges are doing virtual tours. in essence, today was a terrible day. while i was crying my eyes out when reading the fanfic, i wanted to tell something, i wanted to reach out to lee and jolie, but my brain said that i would burden them, im always telling them about stuff that happens (concerning my family or other stuff) and its probably getting too much for them.  my brain said that they wont be able to help anyway, im still gonna have to deal with the stuff im dealing with, and no one can help. that's a sad thought, it seems so helpless and sad. sometimes i overthink the smallest things, and when i see a text from lee and jolie that doesnt seem “right”, i think, oh gosh they hate me now, why did i have to say that?? i usually see my therapist every Thursday, aka today, but we didnt meet this time bc her schedule is becoming busy so now we’re gonna do it every other week, so next week i shall see her. perhaps she can help. 

thank you for this ask, it seemed so out of the blue bc no one rlly sends asks like this anymore. while writing this, i literally thought to myself, shes like an angel sent from heaven

[writers-hes]

christmas record.

hello! thank you so much for reading cherry, falling, and late christmas. if you haven’t read them yet, you could do so by clicking the link here. 

if you want to be a part of my taglist, you can do so by clicking this link. 

this is a fluffy christmas fic and even though christmas is done, i hope you enjoy it! this is my longest fic yet, with 6785 words! how cool is that? anyways, read and enjoy! send me feed back and requests, i really appreciate them :) 

HAPPY 100+ FOLLOWERS I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!

warning: unedited ! i was rushing to post this before christmas but i’ll be going over my fics soon to edit everything. thank you! 

------------

you were a photographer. you liked going to free shows around town, taking pictures of everyone in it. you liked how music swayed them and made them live in the moment. photography was your way of immortalising that fleeting moment. still, you weren’t as successful as other photographers to make it as your main source of income and that was okay. as long as you get to share your art with an audience, you knew you were doing something. you were on a break from your shift at baskin robbins when your phone notified that you just received a message.

helenepamburn.photography: Hello i just want to say i absolutely love your work!!

your phone read. helene pemburn was a photographer you’ve never heard of before. you decided to look at her instagram and check out her work and damn, it is amazing. it seems as though her muse was harry styles, your best friend’s favourite male artist. you have listened to his songs before, even downloaded his first album and he was good.

35mmdiary: oh my god!! thank you so much. i love yours too!! portrait is something that i’m not entirely good at :-)

helenepamburn.photography: Im helene, by the way ! What camera set-up do you usually use? 35mmdiary: hi, helene!! i’m y/n. i usually just use a minolta xg-1 camera and i switch up on the lenses…i’m more of a film photographer than a digital one…
helenepamburn.photography: Ah! so you don’t use dlsr cameras?? 😮

35mmdiary: i do but i just take whatever photo and then edit it on lightroom…with my old presets hehehe

35mmdiary: oh im sorry i have to go i have to finish my shift!! 


the conversation ended at that at first but weeks into it and you found yourself really enjoying talking to helene. she became an instant friend, exchanging tips and tricks on photography. she would even talk about how it was touring with harry and etcetera. you wanted to meet each other soon but it was hard, seeing as your finals was right around the corner and harry releasing his new album.

———

“helene, who are you talking to? you’ve been on that phone for so long!” jeff azzof asked. it wasn’t unlike helene to type away at her phone 24/7. she was usually in her corner, editing harry’s photos for the world to see. “y/n,” she muttered. “who?” 
“i found her on instagram and she really has amazing shots! look,” helene said, showing your instagram to jeff. “and this is all film! no editing,” she praised. “oh wow, she is good,” jeff commended. “yeah, well…about that. i think i’m gonna take a break from work first,” helene started. jeff looked at her quizzically. “i know harry’s about to release his album and there’s the thing at the forum and etcetera but i think y/n is gonna be a good replacement, no?” 
“does harry know?” he asked. he was a little concerned that helene’s leave was a little sudden. sure, she’s been working hard, always going where harry was and taking photographs of him but still, it was abdrupt and it wasn’t quite what he was expecting. “ah, no not yet. i was hoping you could talk to him about it?” she shyly asked. harry’s been a ball of stress lately and helene knew that if something out of the schedule were to happen, harry would freak. “helene…” jeff warned. helene looked at him, practically begging him to go tell harry. jeff only sighed and nodded. “thank you!” she gushed. “i owe you one, big time,”

———

it was almost the holiday break, and you can already feel the christmas in l.a.—it’s not snowing, particularly and it’s not as iconic as new york christmas but you can already see christmas lights hanging downtown and at the grove. starbucks already released their holiday drinks and their holiday cups. you were finishing your last paper for the term, ready to finally get back to photography. you finished ahead of everyone else in class and begged some of your professors to let you take some quizzes and tests in advance. perhaps you were lucky this christmas because they allowed you to and you passed your term with good grades.

helenepemburn.photography: y/n I have a question to ask…
35mmdiary: sure what is it??

helenepemburn.photography: Are you done with classes? The semester?? 35mmdiary: yeah why?? helenepemburn.photography: How would you feel about replacing me as a photographer??? Im about to go on a break and I want you to be my fill-in??? You will be paid the same fee as I do during those days too

35mmdiary: What??? are you sure?? helenepemburn.photography: Yes!! The team will be in l.a. next week for a couple of interviews and etc so would be able to meet you and show you the ropes and hang out!!

35mmdiary: sure!! send me the details…i’m free until christmas anyway :)

helenepemburn.photography: See you then !! Im so excited to finally meet you !!

———

it’s been a few days and your best friend was absolutely ecstatic to know that you were harry styles’ photographer for a few weeks. you’ve been thinking about backing out but from your conversations with helene, it seems like she was really craving for a short break. she told you about going to japan and malibu with harry to take behind the scenes photographs. she loved it, of course but she was getting drained. besides, you will be paid a good amount of money for your services, unlike some of the previous bands who told you that you will have a shoutout for the ‘free’ photos you would give them. artists who don’t support artists suck, don’t they?

“i can’t believe! harry fucking styles!” your best friend, gina, exclaims. she was a harrie, the biggest one you’ve seen. she went to the forum, the closing venue for his first solo world tour, bought merch, and runs a fan account on twitter. “shh! keep it down, gina! it’s just a temporary job. i just took it as a favour to helene and also because it pays well. i can pay a little more to my college debt,” you muttered. “still! once you’re on tour with him, don’t you ever forget me,” she fake cries. “i just want a video greeting for harry, okay? like the one that i got you when i met adore delano,” she told you. you nodded and she squealed, jumpy in her seat because she was about to receive a personalised video from harry styles.

———

helenepamburn.photography: Im free right now if you want to meet up!! Im in la and i forgot how much i hated la traffic ://

35mmdiary: sure! where do you wanna meet? helenepamburn.photography: Harry rented an airbnb for all of us in beverly hills…would you like to meet in a coffee shop near it?? Im really craving for american starbucks right now 35mmdiary: sure! i’ll meet you there at 2:30? helenpamburn.photography: Ok and then we can go to the airbnb to meet up with jeff so he could walk you through the details sound good? 35mmdiary: okay…i’ll see you in a bit! be safe ! 


you immediately went inside your shower to take a bath. you were finally meeting helene! you didn’t know who jeff was but you decided to dress a little nicer today just in case this jeff guy was a little strict. opting for minimal make up, your favourite floral pants, white shirt, and your boots, you decided to head out with your iPad and film camera to show helene some of your photos.

it’s almost 2:30 when you arrived at the coffee shop. helene was already there, waving at you excitedly. you smiled and jogged up to her. “helene!” you called as she greeted you with a hug. “y/n! i’m so happy i get to finally meet you!” she laughs. “i hope it’s alright, i already ordered for you,” she says. “oh! thank you. how much was it? i’ll pa—“
“don’t be silly now! it’s okay, you don’t have to worry about it. now, tell me, how have you been?” she asked. you chuckled. “i’m good! i finished all my papers early to focus a little bit on my photography,” you tell her. “college is really sucking the life out of me! i worked part time in baskin robbins too so the stress is just too much,” you grumbled. “ah, well, i promise photographing harry isn’t that stressful. he’s quite chill with whatever you present him as long as it’s in black and white,” she joked. “kidding aside, harry’s whole crew is kind. very approachable and very good people,” she informed you. her words brought comfort over you as you were worrying about how they would treat a newbie. “i’m just really taking a break because i’m so tired! besides, my best friend will get married on christmas and i wanted to be there and take some pictures,” she says.

“you did mention that you like wedding photographs too,” you told her. “i love them! they’re so fun and the vibe is so different. i’m a bridesmaid so i just have to be there, you know? i’m wearing a really cute dress too! here, i’ll show you,” she gushed. she took out her phone and opened the picture. it was a great dress. it was a long peach dress and helene said that all the bridesmaids had dresses inspired by the colours of the sunset. “that’s so cool! i wanna get married someday but then again, not really,” you shared. helene nodded at that. you both spent the afternoon together, walking around beverly hills and just talking.

“hey, let’s go back to the airbnb so i can introduce you to everyone!” she gushed. she booked an uber and then immediately dragged you to the car. you loved how chatty and enthusiastic she was, basically telling you her life story and her friend’s life story in just a few hours. you rode the car once it arrived and it zoomed past the fancy beverly hills neighbourhood. it was a few minutes after when you arrived at a big house. “we’re here! i’m so excited for you to meet jeff, mitch, sara, claire, and everyone else!” she squealed. she beat you into paying for the fare and then dragged you again to the main, where she knocked and cursed at jeff for not opening the door immediately in french.

“fuck’s sake, helene! hold on!” a man called from the inside. “that’s jeff, he’s the oldest in this house but doesn’t seem like it,” she snickered. you were about to reply to helene when a friendly-looking man opened the door. he was scowling at helene, a facial expression she only chuckled at. “hello, jeff! this is y/n, y/n, this is jeff,” she introduced. “hi, it’s nice to meet you,” you told jeff. “same here,” he brushed off. “come in, enter,” he said cooly. you frowned, helene said that they were nice people but jeff seems so intimidating. “give the poor girl a break, jeffrey!” helene said. she guided you to the living room and made you sit on the the couch. “so, i take you’re helene’s replacement while she’s away?” he asked.

“uh—yeah,” you replied, picking on the loose thread of your white shirt. he chuckled at your nervousness. “you dress like harry,”
“sorry?” you asked. helene laughed, noticing how similar you dressed with the star. “she does! i just noticed that!” your friend exclaimed.

“anyways, i’ll be fetching some papers and documents you have to sign. harry’s a big star after all, we can’t trust everyone,” he said before going to god-knows-where. “i’m sorry! he’s not really like that. it’s just that many people before you came here with me as an intern or something but they always end up leaking photos, putting harry in trouble and all that,” helene apologised. “oh, i totally understand. it’s no problem,” you reassured. you were fumbling on your shirt, once more, when jeff arrived. “here,” he put the folder on the coffee table. “read the document over and sign it if you agree, of course…it’s just about harry’s privacy and all that,” he said. “call me when you’re don, i’ll just make us a drink,” he left the room again and probably into the kitchen. you read over the document a few times before signing on the required pages. it was basically concerned with harry’s privacy and how you couldn’t sell harry’s photographs to the tabloids. helene was there with you to explain the whole contract and how the ropes would work.

“she’s done, jeff!” she called. jeff emerged from the kitchen with a tray of iced coffee and some fruits. he laid the tray down on the table gently and took the folder from your grasp. you watched as he made sure that you signed all of the pages on the papers and smiled. “welcome to the team!” he suddenly beamed.

“thanks,” you smiled at him.

“i’m sorry for being rude earlier. it’s just that some photographers and ‘newbies’ take this job for granted. so, anyway,” he coughed. “help yourself to some coffee and tell me about yourself,”

“well, uh—i’m y/n y/l/n. 21 years old and i’m currently taking up business ad. i really love photography but my parents aren’t really set on supporting me have it as my profession in the future. i, uh, also take photographs of artists in free shows but i mostly do film, if that’s okay? harry’s photos will be developed after four hours if we’re here in l.a. but probably more than that if we’re not here, which i’m assuming won’t happen? i have a friend from one of my electives who knows how to develop film,” you told him.

“it’s worth the wait, jeff! do you have some photos, y/n?” helene interjected. you nodded and took out your iPad.

“uh, you can just swipe through the images of the scenes and people i took,” you told him, opening the photos app and into your digital portfolio. you handed jeff the ipad and waited anxiously. “wow, these are good. helene actually showed me your instagram already and i’m impressed. now, we will give you some money for the films and the development process when you start working, which is tomorrow—“

“ah, it’s okay.  the salary is enough to cover for everything,” you reassured. “no, no. i insist. helene also had the same budget. besides, you’re doing us a favour for agreeing to this job instantly,” he said. you nodded shyly. “anyways, you could stay here in the house or something since helene will leave the day after but that’s your choice, completely.” he said. “i’ll just stay in my apartment,” you told him. he nodded and looked at the time. “well, dinner’s about to start. i suggest you attend so you could meet everyone,” he smiled. you nodded, not really wanting to piss your new boss. “i’m sure everyone’s excited to meet the baby of the team,” he chuckled.

“ah! i’m so excited for you to meet claire and sara. you’re gonna love them!” helene squealed. “wait here, okay? i’ll just change into my pyjamas,” she said. you nodded and watched her leave the living room, leaving you alone with jeff.

“so, where did you grow up?” he asked. “i actually grew up here in california and then moved here in l.a. for my studies,” you informed him.

“that’s great,” he nodded. “let’s just wait for everyone else to come,” he said. you nodded and spent the following minutes chatting with helene and jeff. he may have been intimidating at first but he was a pretty chill guy. you liked his humour and immediately clicked once helene told him about the time some bands were lowballing you with a shoutout, to which jeff told you you should be charging more for your shots. it was nearing eight when two girls barged in the door, bringing some takeout.

“sara, claire!” jeff greeted. “this is y/n, the newest baby of our team,” he said. you waved at them shyly.

“she dresses like harry,” sara observed. “that’s what i thought so too!” jeff chuckled. he took the paper bags from the girls. “i’ll just fix this up in the kitchen while your girls chat,” he said while going back to the kitchen. “jeff is such a dad to all of us,” sara said once she sat in front of you with claire. “yeah, it’s nice knowing that there’s parental love going around here or it would be such a mess! mitch is the slobbiest person ever while sara here, hates his mess!” claire said. “so, how did you know helene was about to leave?” she asked. she wasn’t asking in an intruding way, she was just curious.

“well, helene and i are ‘internet friends’,” you told them. “i’m a photographer and i mostly use film. it was her who told me to come fill-in for her while she was away,”

“wait, youre 35mmdiary?” sara asked. you nodded. “she’s been raving about your work and harry seemed to like it too! i follow you on social media!”

“me too! i love your work! so, so good,” claire added.

“thanks, guys! that really means a lot to me,” you said. you took a mental note to follow them back once you go back home.

“where are the guys, anyway?” helene asked. “we couldn’t start dinner without them,”

“mitch told me he was with harry, buying some chinese food. they’re on their way back, though.” sara said.

“oh well, let’s just wait for them to come back,” helene said. you girls nodded and chatted for a bit until eighteen minutes later, the door opened, revealing the harry styles himself and mitch.

“i told you, haz! you should’ve bought soup dumplings instead of the fried ones,” a guy with long hair complained.

“but there might be holes in the dumplings and all the soup would fall out. fried dumplings are the safe option, honestly,”

“guys—“

“sarah, tell harry that soup dumplings are better that fried o—“ he stopped, just realising that there was another person in the house. “hello, who are you?” he asked, utterly confused.

“i’m the photographer filling in for helene while she’s away,” you spoke. “ah, well in that case, hello! my name is mitch,” he said. when he noticed that harry wasn’t speaking soon, he spoke again. “this is harry and that over there is adam,”
“oh yeah, i know. hi, harry,” you shyly waved at him. you also waved a greeting to adam to which he returned. harry gave you a tight-lipped smile. you always imagined this moment to be somewhat chill but right now, your cheeks were absolutely burning because of how beautiful he was. pictures didn’t do him justice, no offense to helene but it was the reality. “i’m y/n,” you added.

“hi, y/n. i’m harry but mitch already beat me to it,” he muttered. mitch only laughed and told him to go to jeff so he could set up the table.

“she kinda dresses like you, no?” mitch commented once he thought they were out of earshot.

it was less than ten minutes when jeff called you girls to go to the dining room. you were sat beside helene and in front of harry, who seemed to look everywhere but you.

“well, this was supposed to be a simple dinner but it isn’t. let’s welcome y/n into the family and bid farewell to helene,” jeff started. “everyone say ‘welcome to the family, y/n’!” there was a chorus of welcomes around the table and you only managed to mutter a shy ‘thank you’ to everyone.

“so, how did you know helene?” mitch asked. “oh we met through the internet,” you replied. “she messaged me about my work and then i looked at her profile a bit and decided that i loved he work too,”

“we’ve known each other for months but only met today, actually.” helene said. “huh, i would’ve thought that you knew each other for years but then again, helene has always been the noisy one,” adam commented.

“you’re just as noisy as i am! i cant believe this is how you treat me on my last day until i come back,” helene faked sobbed.

“let’s jusy eat dinner, yeah? poor y/n must’ve been so tired and hungry from all the talk you’ve been drilling into her,” adam said. everyone nodded and took their food. you shyly opened your chinese take-out box.

“y/n, i’m sorry if this is rude but i haven’t seen any of your work before,” mitch suddenly said.

“i’m not really a big photographer,” you started. “honestly, i just go to free shows and then offer my services for a cheaper price,”

“you should definitely see her work, babe. so, so, good! she does film and that’s like, super hard,” sarah added. babe? “y/n, show him your ipad so they’ll believe me!”

“alright...” you nodded and fished for your ipad, opening the album that contained your beat shots so far. you handed it to mitch. you stared at him for any reactions and was glad to see him focus on your pictures, zooming in on some of them.

“these aren’t filters? damn, you’re good. yo, look at this, adam! isn’t this the band you’ve been listening to on soundcloud?” mitch asked, showing adam your photograph of the vocalist of peach pit. adam looks over and gapes.

“y/n, this is so good! what’s your username on insta? i’ll give you a follow!”

“it’s 35mmdiary! i’ve been showing you gus her work for months now,” helene grumbled.

the dinner started and ended like that, with friendly banter from what seems to be a loving environment. jeff was definitely the father of the group. you liked everyone but harry. he hasn’t talked to you all night, just stealing some glances at your direction. helene booked you an uber and told you to text her once you’re home. you nodded and bid her good bye before riding into the car.

———

“harry, what do you think of y/n?” jeff asked once you left.

“pretty cool girl, yeah?” he commented.

“you barely looked at her! she’s quite lovely,” claire added.

“probably because he finds her cute or something,” mitch teased. “always does that! playing hard to get but really, what is there to get?”

“shut up, mitch,” he blushed. it was true. harry did sort of find tou attractive. you were so kind to everyone, taking their compliments gracefully. you got along so well with the other members and he wanted to talk to you but adam and helene hogged the conversation. perhaps he should talk to you alone, sometime?

“okay so, christmas is coming soon and once again, we will be needing to have our secret santa!” sarah said, changing the subject as harry looked like a poor fish gaping.

“should we include y/n?” adam asked.

“of course! she’s a part of our family now, even if it’s temporarily,” helene said.

“yeah and we should take you out instead...” harry teased.

“hey! that’s not nice,”

“well, she’ll be coming in tomorrow and basically everyday to accompany harry on photoshoots and to get some shots as well. we could talk to her about it tomorrow,” jeff informed. everybody nodded at that.

“gotta go back to my room, m’tired from today,” harry yawned. everybody said good night as he left tahe living room.

———

unknown to them, harry was actually looking theough your instagram. he decided to follow you once he reached his assigned room. everybody was right, you are good. he was so excited to have you as a part of the team.

harrystyles: Nice meeting you today, y/n. x

35mmdiary: hi hi!! it was nice meeting you today too :-)

harrystyles: Your works are lovely. I’m so excited to see more of your work.

35mmdiary: thanks ! i hope you like what you see so far. thanks for hiring me by the way

harrystyles: It’s quite alright! I loved what Helene showed me. I tried to get into film photography but it never worked out. So hard to figure out the settings. :(

35mmdiary: i actually started with dispposable cameras! they really helped me know what i like! i could teach you some of the stuff i know if you like. im not a pro or anything but i think there’s a few things i could teach you?

harrystyles: That sounds great! When are we doing it?

harrystyles: Can we do it tomorrow? I’m free tomorrow.

harrystyles: Only if it’s okay with you. :)

35mmdiary: yes of course ! i could meet you in the house tomorrow morning ?

harrystyles: No, it’s okay. I’ll just have someone pick you up just send me your address. I’m not a serial killer, I promise.

you gave harry your address and your number, just in case he needed it. that night, you looked for your spare disposable films while harry told jeff that you would be accompanying him tomorrow. jeff only teased harry but allowed it anyway.

———

“good morning!” you chirped as you entered the black range rover. harry smiled at you. the driver at the driver’s seat nodded at you.

“good morning, love. i got you breakfast, if it’s okay. if you don’t like it i could eat it and we could go somewhere else for breakfast,” harry rambled, offering you a brown bag. you looked into it and saw a ham and cheese croissant—your favourite sandwich.

“this will do just fine. this is my favourite sandwich,” you said as you dug into the bag to get your sandwich. “would you like some? we could share if you like,” you offered. harry shook his head no, telling you that he already ate the same sadnwich as you did.

“by the way,” you started as you swallowed the pastry. “i got some disposable cameras that you could use in my bag,”

“you shouldn’t have...” harry pouted. “i basically hogged your whole day and now you’re giving me stuff too?”

“it’s okay. i wanted to. as long as we end just in time for me and helene to say goodbye to each other,” you smiled.

“lunch is on me then! i know this place near santa monica that served the best chicken wings!” he declared. you chuckled at his etermination to get even with you. “what are we doing today, by the way?”

“well, i was thinking we could go on a classic photowalk. it’s basically just us walking and taking photos of the things we like,” you told him. “i was thinking we could take photos downtown...” you trailed off, not realizing that the paparazzi might see harry. “or somewhere else you like so we could avoid the paparazzi,”

“we’ll go downtown then!” he said, not really caring about tomorrow’s tabloids. harry liked your presence. for some reason, it made him feel at ease. he didn’t care if you’d be labelled as harry’s girlfriend tomorrow. he just wanted to have a nice afternoon walking around and taking photos that he like.

“well, for me, it’s the perfect place. if you’re into portraits, you could photograph people! if you’re into sceneries, you could do that too,” you gushed as you finished the last of your croissant. “i like sceneries and candids a lot. taking portraits is something that i’m not really good at,”

“at least you know something! i’m such a beginner,” he admitted. “drop us off here, please, thank you.” harry told the driver. the driver nodded and stopped the car. harry immediately went out, dragging tou by the hand to hide from onlookers. it’s not like he didn’t want to meet fans, he did. it was just that he’d rather be unnoticed when dealing with private matters, such as spending time with a girl whom he finds cute to gain some brownie points. he led you to an empty alley.

“you alright?” he asked. you nodded and fished out for the cameras in your bag.

“harry? here are the cameras. there are 36 shots per camera and because i brought you theee, you could do more than a hunderd. just give them back to me after you use it so i could have my friend develop them,” you breathed.

“thank you so much, y/n! you didn’t have to because i also have my own camera. just don’t know how to adjust it,” he frowned, looking down at the expensive camera hanging on his chest.

“i could take a look at it, if you like,” you offered. harry beamed at you and nodded rapidly. that day, you spent the afternoon taking photos of people living their daily lives. it was such a great day, walking downtown with cameras at hand. the day consisted of you and him talking about the most embarrassing stories you could think of when you were younger. he told you about the many times he fell onstage during his concerts, to which you laughed at, saying that you tripped on a wire once when you were photographing a gig for a local band. onlookers wouldn’t think that you were strangers at all but you didn’t mind.

that night, at the beverly hills mansion, you and the team huddled together to pick names for the small exchange gift. you left the house with a smile on your face a few hours after, really loving the group.

“alright, who picked y/n?” harry asked as soon as he walked back in from waiting outside until you left.

“why?” mitch asked. “well--” “he obviously likes her, dumbass,” adam said.

“you just met twice why would you like her immediately?” mitch asked again, clearly missing out on something. “she’s really a nice girl. besides, what’s wrong with finding her cute?” harry asked, clearly giddy about the day he spent with you. “she’s so cute especially when i told her earlier that she looked good in what she was wearing! then, she gave me these disposable cameras,” he added, showing off the cameras hanging on his wrist. “i really wanna get her something for christmas but i think it’s a little straightforward to just give her one, no?”

“what would you do for you to get her name?” sarah asked. “i’ll pay you a hundred dollars and treat you and a friend to a nice dinner,”

“i got her,” jeff said, giving the paper to harry and harry giving another piece with a different name on it. he gave jeff 300 dollars for the dinner and the monetary gift and said thank you. he smiled with his dimples showing and retired to bed.

“he’s whipped,” mitch mouthed to sarah. sarah only nodded, really finding it cute how harry found y/n cute.

-------

you’ve been photographing harry and his band for so many days now, rarely even having the time to clean your apartment, which was fine. it was always clean, only feeling like it wasn’t because harry was at your place, going over the photographs that he would be posting on his social media. you told him that you could come by the house in beverly hills but he told you to just stay at home so it would be safer. you didn’t protest but you did stress clean for a little bit.

“i really like this photo,” he pointed at your laptop. “i think mum would really like this, yeah?”

you nodded. it wasn’t your best shot but so far, it looked like it was harry’s favourite image of himself. you were done for the night and you were tired but you didn’t want harry to leave yet. you were enjoying his company and it seems as though he was feeling the same when he decided to open a new conversation.

“so, who did you pick for secret santa?” he asked as you opened your spotify christmas playlist and played it softly on the bluetooth speaker on the coffee table. “i can’t tell you that! it would ruin the whole thing,” you replied. you were perched on your couch, facing harry.

“why not? it’s not like you got me, unless you did…” he teased.

“maybe, maybe not,” you shrugged. harry pouted but started to hum to the christmas music anyway before sipping on his hot cocoa. “you know what i would love from you?”

“what?” he asked. he’s been tearing his hair for a perfect gift for you but nothing really came up. he wanted to get you a film camera but that would be too basic. “a christmas record from you! your voice is so good,” you gushed. “it would sound so great and i’m sure you’d sing christmas classics like the one paul mccartney sang,” you mused, clearly unaware of what was going through harry’s head. he finally found a perfect gift for you. “if you ever release a christmas album, hit me up immediately! i’d stream and buy the hell out of it. i’ll even wear your christmas merch,”

--------

“everyone shut up! i’m gonna record something in my room, don’t bother me,” harry breathed as soon as he arrived in the rented home. everyone’s eyebrows shot forward. they were huddled in the living room, playing uno. “okay, i’m sorry just don’t make too much noise!” he apologised. he ran to his assigned room after that, locking his door and taking out his guitar. clueless as to where he would start off, he decided to text helene.

harry styles: Helene! 

Helene.: Harry !

harry styles: Do you know y/n’s favourite Christmas songs?

Helene: Not really but she’d be into classics dont you think?? Why ??

harry styles: I kinda got her for secret Santa and I don’t know what to give.

harry styles: Do you really think she’d be into the classics? Helene: Yes now stop talking to me i have to attend the dinner rehearsals why do you have to rehearse for dinner?

that night, harry set up his personal microphone, a device that he could just slip into his laptop’s usb, and sang at least three songs that he would sing with gemma whenever he was home for the holidays.

-------

it was after harry’s successful live show at the forum. you were busy capturing every moment of the tour with your camera. gina, your best friend was in the crowd too. it was your early christmas gift for her, along with a personalised video from harry like you promised. she squealed and hug you for being the ‘best best friend ever’. you laughed and received her hugs with joy. you were supposed to have a small staff-only after show party but decided not to come. you were tired and all you wanted was sleep. you told jeff about it and he nodded, hugging you and asking you if it was okay if you left alone. you nodded and wished him a good party. that night, you went home to your apartment, looking over the new photos that your friend e-mailed you so you could show them to harry the next time you see him. you took note of the pictures you liked alot.

“where’s y/n?” harry asked as soon as he greeted everyone. “oh, she left! said she felt tired and just wanted to sleep,” jeff shouted over the loud music and the loud people. the party became bigger as staff invited friends and family to come over. harry didn’t mind, he liked crowds. harry nodded at jeff, a little disappointed because he was hoping to get to you. he would be leaving for london next week for another live show and he was sure that you wouldn’t be able to come. the live show at the forum was supposed to be the big ending for the celebration of harry’s album in america. if he wouldn’t be able to see you now, he wouldn’t see you at all, probably.

--------

it was nearing 1 am when your doorbell rang. being a light sleeper, you woke up from your slumber in the couch. you must’ve fallen to sleep while finalising images you wanted to show harry next day. you fixed the coffee table a little bit then begrudgingly walking to the door, only to reveal the man who’s been keeping you busy.

“hi, y/n. may i come in?” harry asked. you nodded and opened the door wider, the cold from your air conditioning unit greeting harry.

“what are you doing here?” you asked as you and your guest settled on your couch. “well, i was at the party and i noticed you were gone so, i decided to come by. i’m sorry if it was so sudden it’s just that, i picked you for secret santa and i wanted to give you my gift before i leave for london next week,” he rambled. he the handed you a pretty christmas box.

“thank you, harry. what about your party?” you asked. “it’s fine, they’re fine. i just wanted to be here with you more.” he smiled. “go on, open it!”

you opened the box that revealed a red sweater.

“you said you wanted christmas merch, right? that you would wear it?” he asked. you nodded and unfolded the sweater to reveal a ‘harry’ sweatshirt in red. it was the one that gina wanted for so long but in the colour pink. harry’s name was embroidered on the soft red sweater in white, and his motto ‘treat people with kindness’ was embroidered on one of the sleeves in red.

“i picked out the colours and i hope you like it! it’s not from the same manufacturer but i figured you would like it,” he said. you looked deeper into the box to find a cd and a flashdrive. the cd cover was you and harry, a selfie he took using his phone when you were out having a photowalk. “you said you wanted a christmas record and here it is,” he said. you were smiling widely and thanking harry for the thoughtful gifts he got you. “i, uh, you have to listen to the songs and text me if you liked them, alright? text me as soon as you finish it.i have to go back to the party and entertain but i’d really love to hear your thoughts on the record, okay?” he asked, standing up from his seat and kissing your forehead. you nodded and watched him go outside your door, too overwhelmed with his thoughtful gift. you inserted the flashdrive in your laptop’s usb and clicked on track 1.

track 1 was harry’s rendition for paul mccartney’s wonderful christmas time--your favourite christmas song. you casually mentioned it to him once but didn’t think that he would remember. there were 8 tracks in the flashdrive, harry’s voice and guitar playing filling your apartment. you were wearing the sweater he gave you, feeling giddy at the gifts he gave you. you just finished track 7 and waited for track 8 to play when harry’s talking voice was heard from the speakers.

“hi, y/n,” he started. “well, i hope you like my gifts for you. the truth is, jeff was actually the one who picked you and i picked claire but i bribed him so i could give you this gift. truth be told, i like you. like, i’m crushing on you and if you feel the same way, i’m waiting in the parking lot. i just wanted to say this and was wondering if you wanted to go out on a date before i go back to london for the show and the holidays. wow this feels like a goddamn movie and i sort of like it. i hope you really love my gifts. i’m waiting outs--” you stopped the audio and immediately ran to the door, opening it. it revealed harry who was sitting beside the door, waiting anxiously. once he heard you go out, he stood up and smiled at you.

“silly boy! of course i’d go out on a date with you,” you said as you hugged him. he was chuckling, thanking the heavens for giving hime a wonderful christmas.

“what about when i’m in london? how would we talk then?” he asked. “we’ll make it work, yeah? see how it plays out,” you said. you felt him put his chin on the top of your head after kissing it.

it was the perfect ending to a perfect night and as the christmas lights surround you with your wreath hung on your door, you both wished for this christmas miracle to last.

-----

im soff

taglist:

@giitterysuits / @floral-suits @bree082 @dezzym17 @bouncebackbyers @lolapuffs@belleamoree @demolition-lovers-blog

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

Ok so guys i finally got part of it done(like three or four days later buuuut

I drew two sets of the families for my anxceit au!

Please meet virgil's family the Ravenwoods!

And as curtesy some info about them

Daneil Ravenwood

Hes been raising Virgil and Andy on his own since virge was about 8 and a half and andy was 6 months old

Hes a english and literature professor at the local college(that logan's parents also work at)

Hes in his late 50s early 60s current time( where virgil is 21 and andy is 13)

Hes also a published and well established fiction writer, but he writes under an alias

Hes a super supportive dad and teacher, even if he doesnt understand it he'll 100% support the decisions his kids make (ex: "oh your wiccan now? Cool virgy! Im glad you found a religion that makes you happy, though...can you explain it to me again?" "Oh andy you want to be switched to the art program? No problem! I'll call your counsellors tomorrow ok?" "Oh boyfriend huh? Thats great buddy, when do i get to meet him??")

Hes got a deep hearty laugh that makes you smile

Dad jokes to virgils mortification

Hes a skeptic but loves listening to and talking to virgil about his beliefs

had the philosophy of "the punishment should fit the crime, but you should be allowed to stumble and learn with it" raising the boys and wasnt too strict with them. Also never threatened punishments, only threatened playful embarrassment

The boys got their sass from somewhere, but he does remind them to mind their manners and watch their timing

Gentle giant as he is 6'3

Black hair peppered with grey and white and usually forgets tonshave his stubble

Passionate about his jobs, can get lost in his work

Andy Ravenwood

Virgil's baby brother, and he fucking adores his brother( even sometimes babbles about him to his friends at school and proudly talks about his "youtuber big brother"

This does not stop him from poking fun at virgil of course

Art boi!! Hes the top of his art classes!!

He is the one art kid that always has like three sketchbooks on him at all times

Loves the color purple

Look ok he knows he KNOWS his hair looks like his brothers it wasnt supposed to ok the original plan baCKFIRED AND HE COULDNT TURN BACK

Unlike virgil he doesnt cover his freckles

He has the same color eyes as their dad(grey-blue)

Andy loves animals! Especially raccoons!! Those are his favorite.( he happily took on the responsiblility of taking care of virgils cat when he moved out)

Hes a pretty cheerful kid if hes comfortable around you, but shy if he doesnt know you

Hes got an anxiety disorder but hes still living his best life

Virgil Ravenwood

Our main Cryptid goth( he dialed it down for the family photo)

Hes twenty one and lives on his own in an apartment complex close to downtown, which is a good 15 to 20 minutes from his childhood home so he visits regularly( like three times every other week)

Boi loves his family to bits, and has so SOOOO many good stories he’ll happily talk about 

Has both his own paranormal youtube channel and a joint youtube channel with his boyfriend Ethen where they explore and investigate haunted places(both well known and stumbled across)

He has the same eye color as their mother, blue violet, which stands out a little more than his dad’s or brother’s

He covers his freckles with foundation because hes insecure about them

Did a year of junior college before deciding school wasnt exactly for him anymore, but still goes to events for his best friend Logan

Works at a cafe downtown that stays open pretty late( they do dinner its almost a diner but not) part time, and the other half does youtube for a living

Has a cat that had to stay in his childhood home named Sally that Andy takes care of for him

Has been considering getting another cat for his apartment

Big firm believer in the unknown and the paranormal/supernatural

Hes wiccan and has an alter in his bedroom thats apart of his facecam background

He has a tarot deck but doesnt really do readings other than little ones for himself, as divination isnt his strong suit

Has a big crystal collection hes been adding to since high school

He can sing but doesnt have alot of confidence in his voice so he just doesnt

And also introducing~

The picani-sanders family! Aka ethen's big ol family

From left to right

Patton Picani

Ethen's older brother(by two years)

Him and ethen are emile's foster kids, but he adopted him when they were like nine and seven.

Patton is 23 and happily works at the library downtown as a librarian and a reader to the kids

He loves music and musicals and all things disney (partially thanks to his boyfriend roman)

He and Ethen come off as complete opposites and they have a very playful relationship, always teasing each other 

He loves his family alot and loves babysitting his little brother Thomas whenever his schedule allows it, especially during times of year Emile and Remy get swamped with work

He loves to knit and sew and make things!!! He makes sweaters and jackets and dresses and customizes clothes!! He could make a living on it if he really wanted!! (but he just does it for friends and loved ones instead- Andy has a hoodie that Patton sew wool on the inside to keep him warm and Andy adores it)

Hes really outgoing and friendly and seems to make friends wherever he goes! 

He’s known Roman since they were kids and was crushing on him all through school until they got together senior year 

He loves to bake and cook and help his dad make dinner whenever hes at home

Hes a sappy romantic and loves cliches

He has a huge collection of stuffed animals that hes been slowly transferring to his and roman’s apartment since he moved out(theres ALOT)

Emile Picani

The dad!! Hes in his mid 50s 

He works as a singular and couples therapist  and can have a bit of a wacky schedule

Hes been raising Patton and Ethen since they were little and loves his kids so damn much

So goddamn supportive of what they do, sometimes to the point its embarrassing(for Ethen)

Hes engaged to Remy Sanders and once their married their just going to combine their last names

He loves cartoons and gardening! And has his own collection of stuffed animals and toys(which hes been sharing with Thomas) 

He loves making dad jokes and him and Patton make them all the time at Ethen

Hes a damn great cook and has been teaching his boys to cook for years now, and loves making big meals 

Not really a strict parent, more of a sit down and talk it out kinda parent

Is part of the PTA of Thomas’s school

Actually used to be a punk in school

Thomas Sanders-Picani

The youngest! Hes 8 years old!

Our boy loves to read and write! He writes tons and tons of stories!

Hes got a huge imagination and likes to daydream

Hes bubbly even though he isnt the most social he still has a good group of friends!

Our lil boi is an actor of course! He loves getting parts in the school plays and in class assignments.

Hes in his schools choir  and gets vocal lessons from Roman’s mama

 His room is filled with toys and books and notebooks and pencils, and even though he tries his best to keep it clean it gets messy every week.(cleaning it is his weekly chore)

He has two best friends named Joan and Talyn that hes been friends with now since kindergarden and theyve been nearly inseperable ever since, its not uncommon for one of both of them to be at each others house on any given weekend

Hes Remy’s kid but has started calling himself by Emile’s last name too since they moved in with the Picani’s

Doesnt have too many memories of his mother but the ones he does have are all happy and pleasant(thankfully)

Calls Emile baba and Remy dada to distinguish them better

Loves his older brothers especially when they play with him, He also loves watching the old videos of Ethen’s theater performances and sometimes pesters him to reenact scenes from them( his favorite is the middle school production of ‘Alice in Wonderland’)

Ethen Picani

Our other main boy, hes also twenty one

He lives with his best and childhood friend Remus Prince in two bedroom apartment across town near the college

Does youtube full time for a living

the “black sheep” of the family as he and Remus call him 

He majored in theater in his two years of college

Loves reptiles but doesnt have any because their apartment complex doesnt allow pets and he doesnt want to get him and remus kicked out since their apartment is close to Remus’s work

Has a car he loving refers to as his “hand me down junk heap” Because he got Patton’s first car when patton got a new one

He loves the old thing though 

Has a good relationship with his parents. He loves his dad Emile and he likes Remy well enough

Him and remy have a very casual, relaxed relationship.( Ex: “ Dad you need to stop letting sleepless bums into the house” “ He’ll stop doing that when he stops letting punk wannabes into his kitchen, now get over here kid.” ) 

Loves his boyfriend Virgil to death and likes to spoil him when he can(even though virgil tells him to save his money for rent)

Hes more of a open skeptic but he’ll happily debate things with Virgil, and enjoys making videos for their joint youtube channel and being proven otherwise

He also has his own solo youtube channel where he does abandon urban exploration( sometimes with Remus tagging along for the thrill)

Remus has been calling him by the nickname “Dee” since middle school when they played Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. Remus called him Dee so often he made it stick as a nickname years and years later. He refuses to let it die and Ethen has just accepted his fate

Remy Sanders

Hes around Emile’s age( mid 50′s) and looks the tallest in the family at 6′3

He came into the family later, when the boys were about 20 and 18( when thomas was about 5 or so)

Hes pretty laid back but surprising good at being strict, so he balances out Emile’s parenting style

Hes a divorcee and got guardianship of Thomas, though hes on a friendly and civil relationship with thomas’s mother and takes him to visit her three times a month( theyre currently working out more visitations and possibly thomas staying with his mother a couple weeks every months but thats still in the works)

Hes an insomiac and (usually) works night shifts as a security guard for a security renting business so his working hours can be a little unpredicitble, but he almost always works at least two night shifts and graveyard shifts a week. Hes paid both a salary plus an additional commissions by employers so its well worth it

He spends as much time with his kid and the boys as he can regardless of his wonky sleep schedule

Hes a bit of a tough love kinda person, and hes snarky and mouthy and doesnt hesitate to speak his mind

Loves Emile soooo goddamn much he talks about him alot at work to his fellow security guards. Theyre the ones who helped him pick a ring when he proposed actually

Oh yeah the two are engaged did I mention that?

He fuels Emile’s plushie collecting, even if he knows he probably shouldnt( But oh well, it makes him smile and thats all he wants to see)

Looks punk now but he was the biggest straight laced prep in highschool that comparing him now to him in highschool gives you whiplash

Would fucking die for his family. No one messes with his fiance or his kids, he doesnt care if two of them are fully capable adults 

And its done!! Two of the four main families is finished!

And watch out because im also coloring these digitally(its just taking awhile :/) but those will be getting posted soon...I hope...Im trying

But here you go Virgil’s and Ethen’s families in two cute family photos!

Let me just add im so fucking proud of The Picani-Sanders photo because it was a struggle to fit them all in the picture and get the heights right and the entire side of my arm was grey with pencil lead by the time I was done but it turned out great!

Up next is Roman and Remus’s family the Princes and Logan’s family the Daniels!! 

Art references are credited to @the-pastel-peach​ @aimasup​ and @underdog-arts​ , especially @aimasup​ and @underdog-arts​ for getting 8 year old thomas to look like a kid because im not normally good at drawing little kids but after practicing with some of their art as my reference and inspiration he turned out really well!! 

I hope you guys enjoy!!

Taglist

@phantommoonpeople

@sweetsweetemo

@leesacrakon

@amazable01

@starbucks-remy

@jemthebookworm

@max-is-tired

@seriously-a-dragon

@sar-kasstic

@soupspam

@aimasup

@sugarglider9603

@underdog-arts

@strawberryjellystuff

[cardboardboxcomplex]

ok since i’m awake and useless, might as well

it’s 4AM on a monday at this point and i do *not* want to go to work. but i have to hhrghshfd HAAAAAA ok breathe . i skipped last week’s shift that i was supposed to go to the lab. i completely disappeared for the *third* time during my two-week wfh shift before that. when we were supposed to do the third quarter report, and the proposal. which are the hardest reports to do, bc they’ll be the basis for renewal next year. but i just ... disappeared again and did not open my emails or messages. again. after i did that twice before. and i had to go through the process of like apologizing to everyone for my absence, and i even decided to tell everyone that i have depression cos i dont know how to explain it ! why am i like this ! and i know it’s not an excuse, and i told them that too. but i just hate everything . okay i think im getting to word dump now. how many times am i going to be so incapable and incompetent? i hate myself so much cos my brain is so fried and i dont want to deal with anything . when was the last time i actually thought deeply or whatever or like read a journal article. and i dont even know what im supposed to be doing anymore.  i feel so sad. oh im crying ok. like im thinking of myself and how do i go on with life, what am i supposed to be doing, what kind of path should i be making. i hate this because i lost years of my life and i keep losing more time. and omfg right the paper. man i didnt even reply to sir’s emails either, and i know ate yana and josh had talked and i was supposed to be there too because im supposed to be the main one to finish her thesis for publication, and it’s already been a year? since she left the lab. had i done anything? i did not

and tomorrow is nov 10, and im supposed to do thesis updates ......... how the fuck am i gonna do that. and i had already missed the first time i was scheduled, bc well the same thing happening now. i was wfh (supposedly) and ate isay had to say my internet connection isnt stable. which wasnt a lie, but it was bc i didn’t do anything. i dont know what im supposed to come up with tomorrow. or if i can postpone it again. SEE THIS IS EXACTLY IT HOW MANY TIMES AM I GONG TO BE INCAPABLE AND INCOMPETENT

i dont know like im scared of being in the lab too and all i wanna do is stay in my room 

but you know what i dont even like my room. i miss my old room, i miss all my books, i miss all the memories i left there as in the physical things i’ve kept because i keep everything. full on bawling now. i miss having everything i’ve kept near me, with me. i miss my desk, i miss having one. and i hate my room because i haven’t cleaned my room in MONTHS. idk since march, since quarantine started? i can barely see the floor and i have to walk around all the bags with all stuff thrown in them. and honestly im just desensitizing (?) myself bc if i think too much if i look too closely im gonna throw up and i hate it i hate it . on that note i’ve been thinking i might in a constant state of dissociation, or at least a shallow one? i never thought i really dissociated bc i didnt really get the feeling of being apart from your body. but because it’s been going on for so long it didn’t even register to me that i’m dissociating because it feels normal or the baseline. and my memory recall is so bad, i don’t remember what happened the previous day. why? because i’m not even doing anything. or idk. also my attention span is non-existent. but the memory thing bothers me because i dont even know if i remember things from before before, in the past, not recently

before i forgot about the room, i was supposed to have pest control last oct 20? and it was scheduled like first week of october so i knew it was coming. but did i clean my room? in those weeks between? i didnt. i’d been putting it off exactly because my room is a mess and id ont want anyone to come in like this. so i had to postpone that too, and the next one is tomorrow. did i clean my room since then? no. what have i been doing? i dont know either. literally rotting away. and i feel so bad cos i m not even doing anything. i dont even know what. i cant get myself to do anything

what if someone helps me clean? i don’t want anyone to help me clean because i dont want anyone to see my room. ate isay was supposed to help me on that sunday or monday before oct 20 but the plan was i was going to start cleaning saturday so at least if she comes up to help, it wouldnt be so disgusting. but yeah i did not clean. and now it’s november. you know the last time i ironed my clothes? september. last year. september 1, 2019. i remember because that was jungkook’s birthday, but also i was ironing when i got the messages from someone when they were leaving me and didnt want (?) to be friends with me anymore. and that broke me really bad. but not the point rn. 

i dont know what else im thinking. oh i miss my friends. kosestream, if you’re reading this, yes i’m thinking of you too, and i’m really sorry. im so sorry ive kept disappearing on you guys for months. i’ve missed you and so many parts of your life, and im really really i wasnt there. and bc i don’t talk with you often, and with my awful memory, i also forget what’s been going on and it makes me feel awful because like i miss all these things about you? i always thought that i had kept tabs on everyone well, paying attention to what you’re doing, ask how things are with you, and now i dont. and im sorry. i always miss you so much, and i love you, and i dont know if that still means anything to you, but it’s still there. so thank you for inviting me to play among us, i liked hearing your voices. and i know you were worried about me (if im wrong this is embarrassing please ignore this) and were trying to cheer me up / offering your support/presence/love/shoulder/hug idk. so thank you. it meant a lot to me (but im sorry my internet was awful. honestly that stressed me out so much and i was gonna give up because i felt annoying and like a huge bother) but okay thank you 

and it’s the same with irl friends, missing things. i thought of it once as everything passing (by) me. like when neos had left for germany, i wasnt there. why? because i was rotting away at home doing nothing. i didnt even get to say goodbye. and just the same with everyone, i havent been talking with anyone. there are so many messages i’ve gotten i haven’t (didn’t) replied to, and it’s like god how are they. 

what else. ah there’s another thing i’ve thought of. but idk i’ll write that next time 

it’s monday, and it’s almost 5am now, i’m supposed to go to work. i have to text ate isay if she’s gonna pass by and pick me up. but i havent slept because i completely fucked up my sleeping schedule. and my room is still a mess. no i did not even try cleaning it even though i had been thinking about it literally every single day. should i just not sleep or should i try getting like an hour of sleep , and hope i wake up (actually, would love to not wake up, ever)

09 Nov 2020, M, 05:02 BTS – Butterfly (Alternative Mix) 

[wennjunhui]

seventeen hospital au

im back at it again with another random seventeen post bc nurse!jun is ruining me :)))))

disclaimer: the most i know about hospitals and how they work is from chicago med so dont expect this to be accurate 

seungcheol

attending physician in the ed

kinda intimidating but is really a huge softie

but don’t make him angry bc that is not a good idea at all

always seen with a protein shake

tends to hover over the new med students a lot

partially because it’s important to evaluate them and their knowledge

but most because he thinks its funny when they freak out around him

always asks for a psych consult even when he knows its not necessary

bc its totally in the best interest in the patient and not because hes bored and wants to talk with his bff nahhh

has a long term girlfriend that works as a software developer

everyone in the ed tryna get him to propose bc ITS BEEN 9 YEARS DAMMIT WIFE HER ALREADY

jeonghan

psychiatry fellow

usually works night shifts because hes sleeps schedule is fucked 

functions on coffee and coffee alone

is constantly Tired

catch him napping in the break rooms whenever he has time

originally wanted to go into psychology, but he gets too invested and thought it would be better to maintain short term relationships

bffs with seungcheol, but bffls with joshua

by the off chance he’s not tried, he’ll go around the ed and tease the doctors and nurses

hes in the ed a lot tho bc someone keeps calling him even tho “he literally just sprained his ankle seungcheol why am i here”

joshua

plastics fellow

fucking loaded

pulls up to the ed in a fucking gold ferrari and just shrugs when people ask about

‘yeah i got it as a birthday gift, treat yourself ya know?’

born and raised in the us, but went to south korea to further his studies

bffls with jeonghan

by GOD the chance theyre in the same room, its game over for everyone

his surgery playlist is fucking wild 

did a heartbreaking ballad just finish playing? oh thats sad but move over its britney bitch 

always brings a guitar to work parties

‘if you sing sunday morning one more fucking time-’ proceeds to sing sunday morning ‘GODDAMMIT JOSHUA’

is seeing the cute hotel concierge that works a few blocks away 

junhui

the Hot Nurse

literally all the patients fucking swoon 

kinda makes patients nervous bc of how handsome he is

ok i’ll stop now

occasionally scrubs in as a surgical nurse for minghao

he pretends to be all cool and hot shit in front of patients, but when hes around staff he turns into a giant bright ball of excitable fluff 

will always be asked to be assigned to kid patients bc he loves kids

studied abroad in korea and decided he loved it there so he stayed

may or may not have a crush on someone in the hospital but shh no one knows except jeonghan and minghao

has no problem calculating correct dosages but cant do basic math for the life of him

‘no junhui, 7+8 does not equal 17′

soonyoung

senior resident in the ed

HYPEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!111

works night shifts bc otherwise the ed would be dead without him

probably drinks too much redbull for his own health

his favorite treatment room is treatment room five because “that’s where a patient peed on me on my first day here”

“ok soonyoung good to kno”

“no problem”

not very tech savvy 

always manages to fuck up the tablets somehow every shift

for the love of GOD dont let him near an xray machine

also never assign him and seungkwan on the same patient they will accomplish nothing 

has taken chan under his wing

wonwoo

neurology resident

blind as fuck

harry potter glasses for days

looks really cold on the outside but is really just a huge fucking dork

like actually he laughs and jokes about anything and everything

neurology can be dark sometimes yo and humor is a great way to cope with it

that and gaming

half the reason why he cant see is bc he spent too much time playing video games growing up

still kinda does but he gets away with it

accompanies soonyoung on the night shift bc he knows soonyoung gets lonely sometimes

plays ballads in the surgery rooms because it helps him keep calm

jihoon

pathology resident

‘forget working with humans hAVE YOU SEEN THIS BLOOD CULTURE ITS COOL AS FUCK’

that being said, he hangs around the break rooms a lot because being cooped up in pathology is just tiring sometimes and he needs actual people to talk to

but mostly its so he can draw on jeonghans sleeping face

shares a flat with soonyoung bc rent is expensive yo

usually has the best tunes down in pathology 

originally wanted to go into music, but school kinda killed his enjoyment of it for a long time

is slowly getting back into and finding his joy in it again

he knows too many stories about the ed that hes forced to listen to

“for the last fucking time soonyoung i dont care about how your patient threw up on seungkwan”

“okokok but`”

“no”

seokmin

ed resident wanting to specialize in pediatrics

SUNSHINE AND HAPPINESS AND SMILES EVERYWHERE

wow literally everyone in the ed is in love with him a teeny tiny bit

because he has such a bright and positive aura around him that its hard not to feel happy 

sings to the smol children if they get scared 

everyone always asks him to sing at work parties and he kills it every time despite being initially shy

“wait wait wait you were in a rock band in high school???”

has a crush on the ed secretary out front

its so fucking cute the rest of the ed ships them so much

sometimes he doubts himself and his skills and that makes his day very sad

but everyone in the ed is in love with him and will constantly be there to remind seokmin about how amazing his is and how much he deserves to be here

and thatll make his day better c:

mingyu

ed resident

the Hot Doctor

wow everyone has a crush on him even if you dont you do

pray for the patients that get assigned to both mingyu and jun your in for a visual attack

tho the facade for mingyu usually breaks after a minute of meeting him

clumsy af yo

once knocked over the patients entire tray of food because his limbs were longer than he remembered

sometimes forgets to put on hand sanitizer and seungcheol always yells at him about

from the other side of the ed “MINGYU, HANDS”

“THANKS HYUNG”

always brings his own lunch bc hospital foods shit and he makes better food at home 

sometimes brings in cookies for the staff in the break room

theyre usually gone within an hour

minghao

trauma and emergency medicine fellow

TALENTED

was personally scouted by hospital officials in china

really young to be such an expert in his field

also his hands are really sensitive to abnormalities in the human body so he feels out the situation and catches the situation really early

is kinda intimidating because of his rbf and takes no shit approach

but is really super soft and fluffy once not in a work environment

relied on jun a lot in terms of adjustment here in korea, and he’s probably closest to him in the ed 

has jun scrub in with him for surgeries sometimes

objectively has the best surgery playlists

from pink floyd, to an obscure japanese indie rock

bickers with mingyu a lot of proper treatment of patients

usually theyre both right tho they just cant communicate effectively

is secretly seeing another chinese surgeon from plastics, but they hide it really well except from jun ofc

seungkwan

nurse

a really loud and mouthy one at that

nags everyone in the ed a lot despite not being the charge nurse

tho hes getting there and everyone knows it 

despite that, hes really sweet and caring towards patients 

is also really weak for kids, but he cant ever be assigned to them because he’ll freak out if something happens to them

always earns high marks on nurse feedback forms because he does his job AND is entertaining 

even tho he nags everyone else, sometimes hes too selfless and forgets to take care of himself

“did you forget your lunch? aiii how could you do that? here take mine”

“seungkwan you need to eat to”

“i said take it, now eat and make your mom proud”

cries and often laments how much he loves his staff when hes had a little too much to drink at work parties

hansol

a new nurse

really chill, vibin through life

is really a much appreciated presence to have around the ed, especially when things can become hectic really quickly

often acts as a translator between english and korean 

will laugh at pretty much anything (which wonwoo appreciates alot because at least someone likes his jokes)

one thing that always gets his blood boiling is the blatant ignorance some patients have

like the offhanded racism against him or his coworkers, or comments about lgbtq+ people 

and there have been times when he hasnt been able to control how he responds because wow he Dislikes ignorant people

so whenever he gets a patient like that, he often asks to switch with another nurse because “if i have to listen to karen say something racist about jun or minghao again im gonna lose my fucking mind”

med students usually hang around him bc of how approachable he is

shower thoughts

“do you ever wonder this would taste like”

“hansol dont-”

chan

med student in his final year

is really eager to learn and get started on things!

ed is his first choice for match day

soonyoung has taken him under his wing so he mainly just shadows him

and its always a fun and great time chan has learned so much from him 

the entire ed staff has adopted him and will riot if he doesnt get accepted on match day

“chan, whos baby are you?”

“for the last time hyung IM TWENTY SEVEN”

if hes not shadowing soonyoung, hes probably studying in the break rooms with hansol throwing popcorn at him

“hyung stop im tryna study”

“ok but catch this in your mouth first”

still has a lot to learn, but hes out there conquering the world of medicine yall better watch out

[edge-lorde]

hp update: its been a long time, boys. ud think that with this plague outbreak id have more time for shitty phone games, and ud be right! however, the time i normally might use to make tumblr posts has been taken up by reading lotr orc fanfiction non-stop for at least 1 full month. id still be in the thick of that obsession even now if only the fics would update. that is how i find you today folks, for the first time in many weeks i am staring at a screen with nothing to do. so come with me friends, theres no better way to fill the soulless void we are all in than reading a nice long tumbler post. 

disclaimer, first of all, a lot has happened, i prefer to keep these updates as plot spoiler free as possible but do to extenuating circumstances i feel like it is necessary to say, [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER BELOW]

that rowan fucking died,

i wont say exactly how, but i will say that her death was animated as were animations of myself and a few others reacting to our friend fresh corpse. obviously meant to be serious moments but the animations made it seem almost comical. 

i saw at least one post going around right after this update that was like ‘how could the game devs do this to us..... how could they hate rowan so.... this is punishment from on high’ and its like.... u guys do know what a story is right? the events of  a story are not typically done to punish less faithful fans, im pretty sure they were planning to kill rowan off from the beginning. this isnt disney im pretty sure the writers are not writing each chapter the night before its released by popular vote. 

that little “are we drifting away..?” scene with rowan makes more sense now. there was a bit in one of the scenes where the kids all reminisce on rowans life and the mc talks about it being the last real one on one time they had with rowan. a nice bitter sweet moment. i dont hate this turn of events. its a good reminder that actions have consequences and we are way past they days of “should i wear a hat or scarf?” its YA time now. 

i did manage to take 1 screenshot from this time, i had commented that before that when rowan said she didnt have many friedns that barnaby seemed to be hanging out with her without be there as a friend buffer and here was his reaction to her death:

;_;

the funniest part in all of this however, was of course cedericks reaction to rowans death “but she was so young....” LOL fuckin RIP.

lets see... what else.... i forget a lot of what happened but i think there was a time sensitive quidditch event in there somewhere? if so i  dont remember it. what i do remember of the quidditch pals is that im gonna play beater now, skye is being weird and cagey about it, andre is involved.... the others are there.....

sidenote, i love the shitty b characters they throw in to be like yes you know this person but no they are not cool enough for u to even think about befriending. the first one of those is face paint kid, and now we have another, who is a former beater girl with horrible bangs named bean who didnt go to any classes for a whole season so she could just play ball 24/7 and got kicked off the team.  this is a character who only exists to provide an explanation as to why there would be a beater position open but i love them on principle. 

right now im in the midst of another time sensitive event, this one is a bother-your-brother-at-work-day event where recent hogwarts graduate bill weasley is bullied by myself and his younger brother charlie into letting us go with him on one of his curse breaking jobs. 

so for those unfamiliar, bill works for the magical bank of england.... and his job seems to be “retrieving treasure” for said bank. in the books, there is a bit where he takes his family on one of his trips to egypt, where his job seemed to have been tomb plundering indiana jones style for the posterity of the english bank :X. i wont explain here why thats bad but its bad. 

the game devs however in this instance, at least SEEM to be doing what jkr couldnt do by attempting to salvage what is left of gringotts bank and form it into not a super shitty implications factory run by horrible jewish caricatures. bills mission is to retrieve a goblin made artifact that was taken by dragons, so no going to foreign countries to steal things from other people! only going to a dragon reserve to rifle through animal nests. they even appear to be providing us with a likable goblin character, egad!  

my hope for this event is that we get a plotline about how maybe, goblins arent shifty human haters for no reason, and in fact they hate magic humans for very understandable reasons, like being forced to go into hiding with the rest of the magical world even though only the humans wanted to do that, and maybe despite running the bank in england they still dont have a lot of political sway in the world of wizards and witches, and have to rely on the faith that said wizards and witches wont fuck them over at every turn, even as they see how they treat other non-humans, such as house elves, which they desperately dont want to end up like. and maybe they DONT only care about gold... maybe thats a human stereotype based on the fact that theres a long history of humans not respecting goblin ownership customs.... which i could get into..... but i wont.... i just....... very badly dont want them to suck ;__________;

i know i said its ok to still like a piece of media as long as you recognize the problems with it, and i do, but once this game is done im gonna stop hp posting all together. ive been feeling more and more uncomfortable making these posts lately.  

GENERAL GAME NOTES; theres been some new layout changes and such. 

most notably the stairs screen has been changed from a bulleted list of all locations to a screen with tiles picturing an image of each location along with the name + icons of all classes at each place. there is one additional location that is new and yet to be unlocked, and the dragon reservation is appearing temporarily as its own tile as well. i prefer this method of getting in and out of a temporary location to how they did it with car during the last christmas special. the stairs icon also now stays in the corner when you scroll through locations, allowing you to open the stairs menu without scrolling all the way back to the left. 

they also moved a few of the buttons down into the lower left corner rather than the left side & combined the story button and sidequest button. they added a little camera button as well, just like in the dormitory, that makes all the icons in a location disappear and look better for screenshots. 

the daily special add offer thing now has its own button in the top right corner of the screen, and idk if i mentioned it before but now there are daily challenges that appear in the sidequest screen that offer small rewards for completing 3 tasks per day + a better one if u get all 3. the prizes are things like 4 energy, 75 coins, 3 monster food. the better rewards are usually either more coins, 8 energy, 3 gems, or 1 notebook. i think that it does all the different color notebooks but i cant remember for sure if i ever saw the gold one up as a reward. i like this addition in any case. if you dont pick up ur reward by the end of the day, the next time u log on it will force u to stop and accept them, and if one of the rewards is energy and ur energy bar is full, it does not seem to stack beyond the bar so watch out.

 the character stats page is now more zoomed out so you can see your full character instead of just from the waist up. no change to the leaderboard. rowans face in the friendship roster is now a still black and white image that says ur friend may be gone but friendship is forever u-u. 

rowan has been removed from all classes. in the classes where the minigames involved her, those minigames have passed the mantle onto other friends in the class. in potions that person is now liz helping u find stuff off the shelves and in tranfiguration that person is badeea. bless these girls for helping mc get through it. touched my heart. 

theres been a few fun little “i know u have more free time now so uhhhh have some energy” prizes like they do sometimes when they dont update on schedule so thats been nice. just a few days ago they gifted us 3 gold notebooks the same way. :O. 

theres also been a few instances of a energy happy hour where for a limited time energy takes less time to refresh. normally it takes 4 mins for 1 energy to do this but during happy hour its like 2:30 mins. :U its all very interesting.

and that will have to do it for tonight my friends, ill do a post for the dragon event when its done because i do like it so far and i do like getting to bully bill with charlie. 

until next time, remember.......

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 10

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, deeper than anticipated but still not that deep y'all this is primarily silly, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 4,286 for this chapter (45,795 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

"Daniel?"

Dan blinks. He blinks again, zoning back into the conversation he's supposed to be a part of.

"Er," he says, sheepish. "What was the question?"

"Are you sure you're feeling okay, Daniel?" the woman asks - the interviewer asks, fuck, this is like the sixth time he's asked her to repeat herself. "I heard you were ill yesterday, weren't you?"

He wasn't. But that is what Jaime and Patrick had sworn up and down to anyone who asked, because they're good partners in crime like that. They look like they regret it now.

"Yeah, Daniel," Jaime says, stressing his name in a way that makes Dan think she's one more fuckup from smacking him in the back of the head. He'd probably deserve it, at this point. He can't remember being this scatterbrained in his whole life, and that's saying something. "You sure you're okay being out of bed?"

The word 'bed' gets stressed too, just a bit, and Dan feels a flush creeping up his neck.

It's honestly unreasonable how he can't seem to focus on the task at hand, which is answering softball questions about the show he's worked on for three years, because his mind keeps drifting back to Phil.

Phil, who he'd left in bed with Thor, all sleepy noises and grumpiness at Dan needing to leave. Phil, who has the day off and might still be mostly naked and lazy while he waits for Dan to come back. Phil, who he only has three days left with.

Three more days in London. Two sleeps. And Dan has shit to do every single goddamn day of it.

This is a work trip, technically. They've got a handful of interviews the next two days that couldn't be scheduled for their first London stretch, and then they're going to France. That's exciting, it is, a mark of success that Dan never expected for himself, but right now he's frustrated by anything that cuts into the time he could be using to kiss Phil.

Dan is so busy remembering how Phil's mouth had felt against his that he forgets to answer the question. He can practically feel his eyes glaze over.

"Daniel," Patrick says, audibly exasperated.

It takes a lot to get Patrick to that point, so Dan ducks his head and mumbles another apology.

"He's fine," Jaime tells the very nice and concerned interviewer whose name Dan has long forgotten. "He's just got a lot on his mind right now and he's really shit at multitasking."

"Hey," says Dan. It's a weak protest.

The interviewer is a tall woman with kind eyes that crinkle into laughter lines when she smiles at him. She's dressed casually, has a denim jacket with patches and pins all over it, and Dan feels his eyes linger at the rainbow on her pocket.

What is that like? To be so certain and so confident that you can wear it on your sleeve even in a professional environment? Dan doesn't know that he'll be able to get there.

He wants to compliment her on it. It's the same urge he had in the restaurant with Phil's family, vocalizing that he wishes he could wear more nail polish. The same swirling anxiety of being judged for it follows quickly, but this time it's amplified by the recording device in the interviewer's hand, the knowledge that anything he says right now will be analyzed to death later.

Dan wants to live authentically, and he wants to get to a place where he doesn't need to hide, but he's frustrated by the reality of how much progress that's going to take. It's not going to be easy, it already hasn't been, and it's never going to stop.

Even with making a name for himself and having an audience, Dan knows that coming out publicly still won't stop strangers from making assumptions about him or demanding an explanation for the women he's been seen with. He'll have to come out over and over and - it's scary. It's really scary.

The compliment catches in his throat. He can't say it to someone recording him, no matter how kind her eyes are. He hasn't even told his grandma yet.

"I like your jacket," he says instead. He feels like a coward for it.

"Thanks," the woman says brightly, looking down at herself and tapping one of her bigger patches. "Customized it myself, obviously. It's a wee bit more colourful than you like to be seen in, right?"

The casual chirping helps Dan relax, reminds him that this is a laid-back interview with easy questions. Nobody is shining a heat lamp on him and asking for an expose on how he spent part of last night inside of another man.

He grins and shrugs. "Yeah, alright, I wear a lot of black. Sue me. I can still think colours look nice on some people."

Great. Now he's thinking about Phil again.

"Like Jaime," Patrick offers, tugging at one of Jaime's bubblegum braids. Dan still can't tell if it's a wig or not, but she smacks Patrick's hand away like it's her own hair.

"That's true," says Dan. "Jaime wears as much black as I do, though, I dunno that she's the best example."

Patrick nods, solemn. "At least her hair is interesting."

"Oi, fuck you. Sorry," Dan adds sheepishly. Even though this is an online print interview, he still feels a little bit of shame whenever he slips up and curses during an interview.

The woman - Cara? Catherine? Camilla? Ca-something? - just laughs and waves his apology off.

With an ease that Dan can't help but notice isn't quite as practised as Phil's, the interviewer moves on to questions about their other cast members. While they don't have any trouble making fun of each other, it's even more fun to exaggerate stories of people who aren't here to defend themselves.

Dan tries so hard to participate. He does. He laughs in all the right places and gives Jaime grief for not remembering something right, because he's given this poor interviewer nothing of substance. The thing is that Jaime is better at telling stories and Patrick is so dry and stoic with interrupting jokes that Dan knows he isn't needed for this. He lets them bicker over a story detail that he's long forgotten and feels himself start to zone back out.

He listens to Patrick's slow timbre, Jaime's trill of a laugh, and lets his mind drift back to where it wants to be.

--

Even though it's tempting, Dan isn't stupid enough to text Phil in the middle of doing his fucking job. He has to resort to checking his phone between interviews and pictures, getting more and more pouty about the lack of response to the things he's sending throughout the morning. Phil must be having a lie-in, because it takes him a couple of hours to even see Dan's texts.

ugh i should have just stayed in bed

pls send thor pics

and you pics but like give me a heads up if your dick is out im at work

i dropped my coffee on jaimes lap fml shes gonna kill me

im just so distracted lmaooo

canft believe youre just asleep thats so rude

Oh nooooooo. I always cry over spilt coffee :( you want me to bring you one? I can come hang out for lunch!

The sweet text is accompanied by a photo of Thor asleep on the sofa, his little head pillowed on Phil's knee. Phil is wearing Dan's pyjama pants and - it's hard to tell for sure, with the way the photo is angled, but Dan thinks he's got the Friends shirt on. Frankly, that should be gross. Dan wore that shirt for way too long for it not to smell like, well, his sweat, and that is objectively not sexy.

Dan feels gooey warmth spread from his stomach outwards, anyway. Maybe it is gross, but it makes him happy to think about Phil's shirt smelling like him the way that his own Yeezy shirt still faintly smells like Phil. He covers his mouth with a hand so nobody milling around will see him grinning like an idiot.

thats ok, Dan texts back one-handed. yall look comfy you should stay. i'll b back for dinner and snuggles ok?

Ok! ^_^

God, but Dan wants to be there now. He wants to be the one cuddled up with his head in Phil's lap. He recognises that it's very stupid to be jealous of a dog, but he isn't going to let that stop him.

"Hey, Howell." Patrick's voice interrupts the daydream of slender fingers carding through Dan's hair.

Dan blinks. He blinks again, looks up.

"I didn't even see you sit down," Dan tells him, bemused. They're sharing a bench in the building's lobby, not wanting to go too far in case they need to go back upstairs for more photos during the short break in their day.

"Yeah, you're on another planet," says Patrick. Dan wishes he could argue that fact. "Things went well with your whole Love Actually emergency, then?"

The reference pulls Dan up short. He feels his brow furrow as he walks through the entire film in his head. "What are you talking about? None of this happened in Love Actually."

"It's British, isn't it," Patrick says nonsensically.

"I don't," Dan starts, but then he gives up. He and Patrick are close as coworkers - friends, even - but Dan never quite understands the links that Patrick's brain makes. "It went well. It went really well. I don't know if Jaime told you everything I texted her, but I like... fully ended up meeting the family."

Patrick's eyebrows raise slightly. That's quite a reaction, from him. "You met the parents? Bro. You just started dating."

They're not in an overly crowded area, but people keep waking by them on their way in or out of the building, so Dan is pleasantly surprised to discover that Patrick can play the pronoun game, too.

"Yeah," says Dan. He doesn't want to get into the mix-up right now. He's sure that Patrick will have another incomprehensible reference when he hears about it. "But it just feels... I dunno. Right? In a way other people haven't? Maybe that's obvious."

"It's not obvious," says Patrick. He's snapping a hair elastic around his wrist idly, the gesture something Dan had thought was an expression of annoyance or frustration when they first met. Dan knows now that it means Patrick is tired, that he wants to shove his hair off his shoulders and stop it from tickling his neck. They're only halfway through their day, though, still a couple of photoshoots to get through, so he can't put his hair up just yet.

Dan knows so much about these people. He's learned it all from such close proximity for the past three years, but he also genuinely likes spending time with them. He feels, suddenly, very guilty for wishing cancellation on this thing they've all worked so hard for.

"Sorry," Dan says.

"For what?"

He doesn't really know how to voice it. He shrugs. "For being a shit coworker right now."

Patrick gives him an indecipherable look and shakes his head. "Daniel," he says, "you're not being a shit coworker."

"I kind of am, though," says Dan. "Like I can't focus at all, I'm missing interviews, and I... I don't know how much I want to go back to Atlanta. Is that bad?"

"Why would that be bad?" Patrick hums. "This is your home."

Home isn't an easy concept for Dan to wrap his head around. He hadn't had a happy one for most of his life, hadn't been able to find somewhere that felt quite right ever since he escaped that. So it's a little disconcerting when Patrick's words settle into his chest and feel like indisputable truth.

"London is home," Dan echoes, wondering it it feels just as right coming out of his own mouth. It does. His head is spinning, a bit.

"Yeah," Patrick says, like it's that easy.

Dan gives himself a little shake back into the present. He smiles, wry. "Still, I probably shouldn't be crossing my fingers under tables for the producers to shut us down."

For a moment, Patrick looks confused. Dan is all ready to apologise again, shove those feelings down, but Patrick just says, "So negotiate your contract. You know that you aren't required by law to see the show through to the end, right? You can just not come back for season four, or only come back for a couple episodes instead of a full season."

They're sat in a fairly public area, with other people walking about, but Dan could hear a pin drop in the shattering silence that rings in his ears at Patrick's use of logic.

"I," says Dan, "did not think of that."

Patrick nods. "You kind of tunnel-vision sometimes, has anyone ever told you that?"

--

By the time Dan returns to Phil's building, he's talked himself into and back out of quitting his job a dozen times. It's a dumb decision, but not much dumber than simply waiting for someone else to make the decision for him.

He decides to call Amy when he's in France and talk the options through with her. She's already looking for potential gigs in the UK for him, so hopefully the conversation isn't going to come as much of a surprise to her. The last thing he needs is for his agent to get upset with him over making changes in his life.

Dan's head is buzzing with it, loud enough to give him a headache. He texts Phil that he's outside and waits to be let in. He gets an intrusive domestic fantasy of letting himself in with his own key, and reminds himself to rein in this U-Haul bullshit.

"Hey!" Phil beams as he opens the door and steps back for Dan to come in. Other people live on the other floors, but Phil still leans in for a long kiss the moment the door closes behind Dan.

It sends sparks up Dan's spine and quiets some of the unending noise in his head. He sighs, leans into the kiss, wraps his arms around Phil's waist to pull him even closer.

He's cognizant of where they are, though, so he pulls back to rest their foreheads together after a moment. "Hey yourself."

"Did you have a good day?" Phil asks, his tri-coloured eyes bright and unguarded.

"Yeah, but it's better now," says Dan. He's parroting what Phil said to him yesterday, and he can tell that Phil recognises it from the little smile on his face. "You look nice. You showered just for me?"

Phil laughs and tugs at Dan's wrist, pulling him down the stairs. They've got four left feet between them, honestly, so it's a miracle nobody takes a nosedive.

"Yeah," he says as they narrowly avoid any number of broken bones. He presses Dan against the wall next to his front door and grins at him. "But it was also for the judgey moms at the dog park. You look nicer, you didn't take the makeup off?"

To be honest, Dan had forgotten it was even on his face. He settles his hands on Phil's hips and smiles. "They made me look like the best version of me, why would I erase all their hard work?"

"Mm, you do look pretty," Phil says, and Dan is lucky to have his back against a wall. His knees might have actually buckled at the praise if he was unsupported.

"Pretty, huh?" Dan asks. He tries to keep his tone dry, like it's a big joke, but Phil's big eyes just see too much.

"Very pretty," says Phil. Dan doesn't know how to handle being complimented by Phil's deep, sincere voice, but he isn't given much of a chance to react before Phil is speaking again. "But I don't know that I'd call this the best version of you. You looked really nice when you came, y'know."

"Fuck, Phil," Dan laughs, a little breathless. "I was literally gone for ten hours."

"Ten hours too many," Phil grumbles.

Dan laughs again, but he has to admit that Phil has a point. The day had absolutely dragged on with the knowledge that his probably-boyfriend was waiting for him.

"You wanna go inside, then?" Dan suggests, running his thumbs just under the hem of Phil's clean shirt. "I'll do a lot of things, but this floor is cement, mate. I'm not blowing you out here."

The giggle that's surprised out of Phil makes Dan smile so wide it hurts his cheeks. He smacks the center of Dan's chest lightly and steps back to let them both into his flat. "I was thinking we could, like, order dinner first or whatever, but I'm not going to complain if you want to switch up the itinerary."

"The itinerary," Dan mocks, looking around for a ball of fluff running directly at them as he struggles with his shoes. "Uh, where's Thor?"

"Uh," says Phil. There's colour high in his cheeks that he tries to hide by flopping onto the sofa. The sweats he stole off of Dan don't really leave much to the imagination at all, not when he's sitting like that, and Dan almost loses his balance when he stands up straight. The pink doesn't leave Phil's face, but a knowing smirk joins it. "He's in the bathroom."

Dan's heart skips like an old CD player and he laughs to mask just how fond he is. "Uh huh, and here you are acting like you were really ordering food first."

"Well," Phil says, his smirk growing, "we could still order first, it'd be at least twenty."

"Sounds like a challenge," Dan hums, coming around the sofa to sit on the other end and lean forward, kissing the sliver of skin where Phil's shirt is riding up. "Why don't you do that, and I'll go get a bloody condom."

Phil blushes, proper blushes, and pulls a packet out of his pocket. "Ta-da," he jokes, weakly. "For my next trick -"

"If you say you're going to make your penis disappear," Dan says, flat, "then I'm walking out."

They just look at each other for a long moment, like a staring contest neither of them initiated, and then Phil snorts. That sets them both off and soon enough they're laughing, Dan's nose tucked against Phil's hipbone and Phil's hand over his mouth.

"I wasn't going to say that," Phil insists, still giggling. "I wasn't."

"Sure you weren't." Dan grins up at him and slides up his body, a little less graceful than he'd imagined it in his head. He presses their smiles together and licks into Phil's mouth. A little noise passes between them when Phil's hands find their way into Dan's hair, but Dan isn't sure which of them it comes from.

The giddy feeling of laughter doesn't leave Dan's chest. He lets it make a home there as he trails kisses all over Phil's long, pale neck. He doesn't need to guess when Phil likes something - he squirms and makes these little huffs of noises, grip on Dan's curls tightening just a bit before it loosens again. It feels impossibly powerful to learn how to take Phil apart like this, like they're teenagers snogging on the sofa in their first relationship.

It's strange that this does feel like a first relationship for Dan, in a lot of ways. He loved his first girlfriend and cared about other women he's dated, but it's not the same at all.

Finally, Dan is allowed to feel all the things he's supposed to have felt when he was younger. He's allowed to let budding affection and lust and friendship all wrap up in one person.

"So, the piercings," Dan murmurs, letting his hand slide up Phil's shirt to toy with one of them.

"What about them?" Phil asks. He already sounds impatient and needy, like he had last night, and the sound of it goes straight to Dan's dick.

Dan laughs and sits up, helping Phil get his shirt off over his head. "I mean, do they do things for you? Do they feel good when I touch them? How do you want me to touch them to make them feel good?"

"Do you always ask this many questions during sex?" Phil asks, dry.

There's no point in lying. "Yeah, I tend to babble." Dan gives him a winning smile and taps at Phil's hips, a silent request for him to lift up. Phil does happily, arching up for Dan and letting his stolen sweats get tugged off. "Guess you'll have to shut me up somehow."

Phil laughs, muffling the sound of it with his palm, and shakes his head. He looks so fucking gorgeous like this, giggly and naked and starting to get hard against his thigh. Dan has no idea how he got this lucky.

"That's such a terrible line," Phil informs him, grinning wide. He doesn't seem bothered by Dan being dressed when he isn't. He just settles back against the cushions and wiggles a bit, either trying to get comfortable or just teasing Dan. Either is possible at this point.

"It's not a line," Dan protests, shrugging his jacket off and settling back between Phil's legs. He presses his mouth to Phil's soft tummy and, unable to help himself, blows a raspberry.

Phil kicks out at him, instinctive, and his tongue is trapped between his teeth as he tries to hold back giggles.

"My nipples aren't sensitive," Phil tells him, voice wavering with some combination of amusement and arousal. He drops a hand to wrap around his own cock, thumbing at the metal on the tip of it. "This is. It, like, tugs. It's nice."

Biting back a groan at the sight, Dan digs around for the condom. He impatiently knocks Phil's hand out of the way to get him hard enough that he can roll it on. The piercing just above his balls settles nicely at the bottom of the latex, almost like it's holding it in place. Dan rolls it between his fingers, watches Phil's eyes flutter closed. "And this one?"

"Not as much. Still good, though." Phil's tongue darts out to lick his lips, and Dan grins at the unconscious reminder of what he's meant to be doing.

It's not the most comfortable for them to be laid out on the sofa like this, lanky as they are, but Dan isn't nineteen anymore. His knees do not hold up the way they used to. He wraps his hand around the base of Phil's cock and lets the tips of his fingers idly play with the metal bar as he finally gets his mouth on Phil.

Dan isn't used to the taste of latex accompanying a blowjob, but it isn't unpleasant. He gives Phil a couple of long licks and then sucks lightly at the head, not sure how much pressure Phil likes yet.

That's something he thinks he'd love to learn. He wants to know everything about Phil's body, wants to make him tremble with it.

Dan is extremely offended when he glances up and sees that Phil is tapping something on his phone, but the offense settles when Phil huffs a laugh and says, "Put in for takeaway. All yours, now."

The phone gets put down and Dan tongues at the bump of Phil's Prince Albert ring through the condom. That makes Phil's breath hitch, his hips jerk just a bit.

It's been years since Dan has had a cock in his mouth, but he likes to think it's like riding a bike. He takes Phil deep, hollows out his cheeks, repeats any motion that makes Phil let out soft groans. He forgot how much he likes this, fuck.

Much like everything else, it's somehow impossibly better with Phil.

Phil keeps a hand in Dan's hair and braces the other on the back of the sofa, breathing hard, and Dan doesn't want to close his eyes and miss a fucking moment of this.

"Fuck," Phil breathes, and Dan responds with an answering moan around his dick. "Yeah, alright, that's - fuck, Dan, you feel so good, look so pretty like that."

The praise still makes Dan shudder. He sucks Phil harder, feeling the weight of Phil's cock on his tongue as he speeds up his movements.

Dan remembers blowjobs to be pretty fast. He also never gave one to a man older than twenty, though, and his jaw starts to ache once he realises that Phil isn't going to be pushed over the edge as quickly as he's used to.

He pulls off to give his jaw a break, stroking Phil and pressing his open mouth along the side of him.

"You think I feel nice?" Dan laughs, pleased by the way the gust of air makes Phil's cock twitch. "Fucking, forgot how good this feels."

"Yeah?" Phil prompts, his voice deep and breathy and so, so nice to listen to. No wonder he's so successful on the radio. "You like sucking cock?"

Dan shivers. "Yeah," he says. He's unashamed, because he feels safe here with Phil. He can admit to liking a cock in his mouth, a hand in his hair, being called pretty. "Yours specifically, though."

Phil laughs. "That's good. I like specifically your cock, too." He looks over at his kitchen for a moment and raises his eyebrows. "I'll get dressed and answer the door when the pizza gets here if you can make me come in the next five minutes."

Well. Never let it be said that Dan Howell backs down from a challenge.