#ok ik im not supposed to respond
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
you seem like a cool person but i'm scared to message first
anonymously tell me how u feel about me and i can’t respond
#ok ik im not supposed to respond#but would it help to know i am actually the worlds biggest dweeb and there is a 200% chance ur infinitely cooler than me#send me ur fav emoji or smth and i’ll take it from there#i talk to ppl like we’ve known each other for years it’s sm more fun that way#whoever u are ily#anon#asks
1 note
·
View note
Text
i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
16 notes
·
View notes
Note
Cool fucking guy wish I would talk to you more but we do have good laughs in vc sometimes. Lalalaaaa
<3
#OK IK IM NOT SUPPOSED TO RESPOND BUT PLEASE ALWAYS FEEL FREE 2 CHAT ME I NEVER EVER BITE#askz#nice ppl tag
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
When my mom doesn't respond to my texts as if she is not the one person in this world who is always supposed to respond to my texts 😤😤
#personal#sorry that it's only about my chemex but you are supposed to respond to me I'm your daughter!!!!#when my gf doesnt respond it's like ok whatever fine you're busy and im annoying ik#but when my mom doesn't respond??? BITCH. what is your retired ass doing if not waiting for me to text you 😤😤😤 (jk)
0 notes
Text
Maybe In A Different Age
Senku/fem reader
cw: angst no comfort (i tried) ik this fandom kinda dead lowkey but I wanted to write this cause its so senku coded. Senku's an idiot (unsuprisingly). Not very good writing.
wc: uhh i wrote this in my notes, around 1k probably
-
Byakuya brings two strangers into their house on a random thursday.
"Senku, this is a close friend and her daughter, I'm sure you guys will get along splendidly."
"Ok."
Five year old Senku is harshly blunt when he meets you for the first time, staring at him silently as if you've never seen a human before. He doesn't have anything to say and it seems neither do you, so he walks off, deciding he has better things to do. Promptly ignoring the sigh and apology the older man lets out.
.
"So I got this new idea and I'm going through the basic logistics and research right now, might need your help later."
"I'll go get us some snacks and something to do while you work on it then."
Six year old Senku watches you dissappear from his doorway, absentmindedly humming while you head to the very familiar kitchen. Your family has been apparently busy as of late so he forcibly sees your face more often. You usually just eat his food, do your work, and ask him (dumb) questions. You're a friend now, he supposes.
.
"Hey dum dum, Byakuya got me new equipment, so I have some new ideas. So listen up."
"Course Senku!"
Seven year old Senku grins, you're always willing to help him out for whatever reason you have (something weird probably, in his opinion). In return, he always tells you what he's working on and his labor demands. So per usual, he excitedly gets into the details of the next project that he plans on working you and Taiju to the bone for.
.
"Hey Senku?"
"What?"
"I think I love you."
"Huh? You better not be catching feelings dum dum." He gives you a confused squint after hearing your words.
"Whatever you say." You hum
Eight year old Senku hears you say those three words for the first time, you don't say why and he doesn't know either. He thinks its rather idiotic, but he shrugs it off after you silently go back to reading. You've been picking up books more often as of late, not that he cares much.
.
"You're late for the test runs, Taiju and Yuzuriha already left."
"Sorry sorry! My teacher held me up a little later at practice today."
"Hm." His disappointed stare returns.
"Im sorry..? Love you?" You're sheepish with your response.
"How is that supposed to make up for anything? Now come help me carry this stuff"
"As you wish, princess Senku."
Nine year old Senku doesn't understand why you and Byakuya tell him that so often (or that stupid nickname sourced from his "feebleness"), but he moves on quickly to detail the results of the test and the numerous next steps. Much to his pleasure.
.
"Wake up stupid. You fell asleep." Senku (roughly) shakes you awake from your shoulders, poking at your face a few times.
"Huh? Oh sorry Senku, I guess I'm just tired."
"Well you're not gonna wanna miss this." He grins while looking up, expectant.
"Hm. Hey the moons pretty tonight yeah?"
"It looks the same as it always does. Is that poetry getting to you and making you sappy?"
You wait before responding, "Maybe."
Eleven year old Senku keeps you up on certain nights for his projects or for nights like these where there's a meteor shower. He thinks you should stop reading so much of those books that make you sound like Byakuya. You should also get more rest, he adds.
.
"Happy Valentines Day Senku!! Got you a gift, heh."
"Must I tell you again?" Senku turns to a usual sight, you waving a gift in front of his face as if he were a dog.
"I'm good I just wanted to remind you."
"Right."
Twelve year old Senku doesn't see the point in meaningless feelings or holidays for said feelings. Nevertheless, he takes the homemade chocolate from you, skimming through the card which contents include exactly what he expected (a confession of sorts, again), and placing it to the side. Ignoring it in favor of the much more sensible chemicals in front of him. Like every year though, Senku keeps it. He doesn't know why.
.
"Taiju and Yuzuriha definitely have something going on don't you think?"
"And you're bringing this up why?"
You pause, you know why, but you know he wouldn't understand. "It's cute... wish I could have something like that you know?"
"...For the last time-"
"I know I know Senku, don't worry I'll try to bother you less."
Thirteen year old Senku doesn't see you as much anymore, mostly because of your practice that your mom wants you to perfect. You come over less nowadays, a shame (for his projects obviously), but your presence isn't any smaller of an intrusion at school. So much for bothering him less.
.
Around 21:00 is when he hears the familiar ringing of his doorbell. "It's late, why are you here?"
"Got out of training not too long ago and wanted to see you before I headed in."
"Your house isn't even remotely close to mine" A raised eyebrow is all you get in response to your grin.
"What does it matter when I'm already here, but gotta go before I get scolded. Goodnight Senku, Love you!"
"You know it's never gonna happen, as you know-"
"Yeah yeah, 10 billion percent illogical, I know, but I can't let my favorite person forget can I?" You flash another smile.
"As if I'd ever with how often you say it, now goodnight."
Fourteen year old Senku closes the door after you've cheerfully said your bye and faded from his sight enough. The lack of noise is strange, now that Byakuya has "ascended like an angel" (his words not Senkus) it's much quieter. The usual noise of a certain two people is absent more often than not. He let's the silence of the house sit in.
.
"Hey, can you get me something from the storage real quick? Need it soon but that bonehead forgot when he came up here babbling about confessing to Yuzuriha"
"Of course. I'd do anything for you. Always here. You know that Sen."
Fifteen year old Senku glances at your fleeting figure. The nickname is new, for sure. And he can't say he dislikes it, but the lack of a certain three words with your departure is strange. He brushes it off to your usual forgetfulness and peers out the window at Taiju and Yuzuriha. Thoughts preoccupied until a bright green light overtakes his vision and he can't do anything but think into the void.
So he counts.
And maybe every once in a while you pop into his head like you always do.
.
Three-thousand and something year old Senku wakes up to a world where theres a lack of civilization, a lack of his decency, and most importantly, a lack of you.
You would be useful right now, he supposes.
.
Three-thousand and something year old Senku spends his free time trying to find you and the rest of the "gang" (as you would say).
He finds Taiju, he finds Yuzuriha, he also finds a lion-punching maniac, but there's no sign of you.
He's ten billion percent sure you survived.
Right?
The concerned stare Yuzuriha gives him as they part is ignored.
.
(Physically) Sixteen year old Senku celebrates this birthday gazing into the sky from his new observatory. It reminds him of a lot of things, but he can't help but notice how empty it is, it's eerily quiet.
He doesn't like it.
Senku wishes you were here.
His first real birthday wish.
.
(Still) Sixteen year old Senku breaks when he hears his father's voice again for the first time in ages. It's not his voice that gets to Senku. He's heard it plenty enough in his lifetime. It's the mention of you.
"Just kidding! I know it's you on the other side of this Senku! And ____'s there with you right? Please tell me you're dating already or even better married so I can have grandchildren. Please please please Senku! Although you can't really tell me that but-"
Senku stops himself from showing vulnerability in front of the village, and he also stops himself from pausing the record right there and then. Opting to sigh and curse his dad out as a cover up, his fist lightly punching the table.
"Damn you old man."
The questions from the villagers about who you could be are forgotten in favor of an angelic voice. Senku's quick to tune it out. It reminds him of you.
.
(Mentally) Sixteen year old Senku sits by himself that night. It's been a long day. The constant repeat of a certain melody in the background, more work for the science kingdom, and a few questions about who you were. They stopped after a few radio silences from him, feelings are hard for the scientist after all.
It's cold.
He wishes you were here.
It's dark.
He wishes you were here.
It's lonely.
He wishes you were here.
The day he can always guarantee you're there has long passed. You should be here, is what his mind tells him. You owe him for the past 3000 years of missed birthdays after all.
It's funny, in his opinion. That you were probably most-definitely always there. And the one (multiple actually, 10 billion in his mind) time he looks for you, you're not there.
He doesn't think its funny.
"I'd do anything for you huh..."
Anything but keep your word.
He scoffs, but it's directed at himself. He would never blame you for this, or anything for that matter, he can't.
So he sits. And he stays. Like you would've wanted him too. He looks at the clear sky like you usually do. And he notes how the moon is pretty tonight. Just like you.
"I love you too."
He's 10 billion percent sure he does.
-
Thanks for reading, if you did :). Sorry for any errors not fully proofread. Senku is so right person wrong time coded when it comes to romance that i had to write this even if its lowkey bad
365 notes
·
View notes
Text
^this is me when someone respectfully disagrees with me btw
ANYWAYS! pls dont take this as me arguing in a mean way or anything, i love Sonic a lot!!! and i like talking about it and i think you bring up a lot of interesting points!!!! so im gonna go over it all in maybe a not super cohesive way???
i wanna start by acknowledging what you said at the start, "the wording of the second bolded point echoes IDW Sonic's wording of his principles in IDW #2 that Amy swoons over" and clarifying that i was referencing It Doesn't Matter from sa1 and sa2,,, (the full lyric is "Don't ask me why; I don't need a reason / I got my way, my own way!), and the reason why i alluded to it is because i was trying to make that connection that Sonic still has the same basic principals that he did during the adventure era, but i guess i wasnt clear enough oops ^^; i honestly completely forgot that theres a reference to that lyric in idw #2 but,, uh, happy accident i guess?
ok now onto my actual thoughts
i actually wanna agree with you on that first part, cuz as i think about it its something that makes a lot of sense and i havent really been able to fully wrap my head around it -- Sonic being reactive to whats in front of him is exactly how he is!!! idk how i didnt realize that before lol
as to what you said to my first point, i think that theres a level of dissonance between the games and comics with the threats theyre dealing with, and it kinda prevents me from explaining myself with examples. this MIGHT be a reach!!!! im sorry if it is BUT im gonna compare satbk and frontiers for a sec, since we're talking about satbk a lot here (as we should. its such a good game)
(and im not sure if youre lumping in Sonic in IDW with Sonic in Frontiers? a lot of people do but. idk maybe you dont lol. for the purposes of my point i will)
i think that there are parallels to be drawn between how Sonic treats Merlina and Sage, vs how he treats King Arthur and The End. he has a lot of patience for Merlina and Sage as he realizes theres a lot more to them besides just wanting to kill him, but he'll still take what they throw at him like he takes anything else. then you compare that to Arthur and The End, and Sonic is like. ready to destroy those guys. and i think that, while Sonic is first and foremost just living in the moment and reacting to what people throw at him, i also think that theres a huge difference between when Sonic is fighting a person and when Sonic is fighting a powerful entity. granted, he didnt know that King Arthur was an illusion, but he did know he was an immortal tyrant associated with hell. i mean. the underworld
i would love to use an example from the comics showing how he does treat similar scaled threats the same way but i. cant! because he doesnt face threats like that in IDW! hes dealing with things like "the dragon is back" and "that girl has psychological issues". the only thing that comes close to the world-ending threat that we see in the games is the metal virus, and it was both a lot more complicated than typical "defeat the bad guy, save the world" that we see in the games. now, that does NOT mean i dont think the games have complex stories but if i delved into every situation Sonic has been put in then we would be here for so long. and i dont wanna do that. so yeag.
basically to sum up my points above, im saying that the reason IDW Sonic has been pretty lax with his enemies, and even tries to help some of them, is because theyre not really the same level of threats as most of the villains he faces in the games. he can deal with them fine without ending them outright, so he doesnt really have an issue with letting them live. hes just kind of easy-going and chill like that. at least thats how i see it, maybe im missing something?
also, to your point that "Sonic doesnt fight for freedom, he fights against oppression" i just. do not agree lol. i mean, hes been associated with the Freedom Fighters since 1993, but theres also some more direct reference to it in reference to specifically Sonic
the Sonic Adventure Stylebook, page 9 (translated) - "He loves freedom and hates crookedness. He is impulsive and short-tempered, but also has a kindness that can't be ignored when someone is in trouble."
Sonic the Hedgehog Encyclo-speed-ia, page 13 - "Sonic is usually laid back and cool, but he's driven to fight injustice - not in the name of the law, but for the ideal of freedom."
and then i WAS going to add more examples, but the wayback machine is down right now so. can i just say source: trust me? sorry i wish i could add more examples :( i dont wanna dwell on this "for freedom or against oppression" point too much though, cuz i honestly think its just kinda arguing semantics. as well as the fact that i feel like both things are true, i just kinda didnt phrase it well in my original post
um. and now i kinda wanna go completely off the rails so please be nice to me but im gonna say something that may be controversial,,, i am of the mind that, because IDW is canon material, then it shouldnt be seen as a different character than how Sonic was written in some earlier games, even if it seems like it. because its just as much as source material as anything else! i really just think that most "out of character" things are more akin to different facets of a character. i think that writing off all of Sonic in IDW because some things he does contradicts what he does in the games is just kinda. idk. i dont like how quick people are to do that. i mean like, i got into Sonic because of IDW, and then i went and played the games and it never really felt any different to me -- just Sonic responding different to different situations. maybe i need to do another read through of IDW! but i really dont think that writing off an entire canon comic series is a good thing to do when looking at the facets of a character's personality. that could just be me
anyways ummmmm yeah i dont really have anything else to say? i dont disagree with everything you said, but there are some things that i dont think are quite right,,, hopefully this all makes more sense than my original post cuz i dont think i did a good job articulating my points
um. idk what else to add. bye bye i hope you at least liked my drawing of a super sad alien
"sonic just wants to be best friends with his enemies"
WRONG thats only in the idw comics. extremely loud incorrect buzzer.
#footnotes:#1. i dont usually bring up this point cuz im scared ppl will laugh at me for it.. but idw takes place a month after sonic was tortured in#the death egg. so i think that a lot of his more anxious moments in idw can be attributed to that#2. i also wanna be clear that whatever issues you or anyone else has with Sonics characterization shouldnt be attributed to Ian Flynn or#Evan Stanley and it should be directed toward the creative directors and the ip. if they were writing sonic in a way the ip didnt like they#would be forced to change it. just throwin that out there! ik you didnt say it in your post but ive seen a lot of ppl say it so. bleh#3. idw definitely shows Sonic being anxious or unsure more often than the games but i dont really think thats a bad thing. i like it when h#feels like a person! and part of being a person having those sorts of moments i suppose. if that makes sense#4. i have a more in depth look on The Phantom Rider specifically on my blog somewhere. i do think that the latest issues are the best Sonic#has been so far and earlier issues had some shaky moments with his characterization#though i think thats to be expected when coming off of Forces#5. i know i didnt respond to like the last third of what you said i just dont really know what to say other than big text that says#'i disagree'. and like theres so much there to unpack but i dont really think im smart enough for that#/#these footnotes are all over the place btw its just throwing some thoughts out there. not really contributing to my main point#idk. am i wrong? do i know anything? i feel like i know Sonic so well but when i try to explain i forget who he is. whats a hedgehog#ok fuck this post is making me so anxious i dont wanna be misinterpreted WAUGH im posting it anyways whatever. go my scarab#edit: ALSO ppl are talking about my post in serverssss???? (twirls hair) omg
597 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rei Amayado and Love.
fgghhgggghhh....
Ok so ik there are a lot of unknowns about rei and honestly im no where near qualified enough to talk about ANY of the hypmic characters in the detail im about to go. But i like to think i know a decent amount of info and lore to make a good assumption. I could be totally wrong about some things soo pllleeeaassseeee dont take me entirely seriously
But the conversation between rei and nayuta confirmed a lot of things for me. A lot of things i was speculating that i havent really seen anyone else talk about
In the drama track, rei comes to the realization that he lets himself shoulder everything despite having the support that he could turn to rely on. Even when nayuta was still awake and with him, he had the bad habit of pushing everything onto himself.
The line that really stood out to me was nayuta asking if he was going to play the villain, to which he responds with a curt "yes" and this. Right there. Is exactly what ive been thinking this entire time.
Its really nothing new that ohhh rei is the bad guy hes morally grey hes hurt people You Shouldnt Really Trust Him. And rosho denounces all of that with pushing sasara to think "who is he really?" now i know that whole portion was supposed to lead sasara into his own growth but seriously. Who is rei? They knew he was a conman, they knew he was shady, unserious, and pushed things off. But rosho says that it was just a persona he built up, and hes correct.
We all knew rei was a deeper character than they let on, it was obvious to us, but not to them. Though its still kinda funny sasaro just said "yeah we guessed" when he said he was bb's father LMAOAOAOAOA not slick at all... but anyways where am i going with this ?
Rei has quite obviously put up a persona to the people around him. He doesnt want to be suspected, he doesnt want people knowing too much about him. So he pretends. That whole comical uncle spiel was just a means of hiding from everyone, and most importantly, himself. I dont think he really wants to face his reality. Of course he takes responsibility and is *painfully* aware of it, but he doesnt seem like he wants to accept it. Now im mostly talking about nayuta here, in the dt he said he would do basically whatever it took to keep nayuta by his side when she mentioned her not being there anymore. And what is he doing now? Keeping her comatose body on publicly unknown island to protect her, and watch over her state.
What about his kids? As far as im aware theres no reason we were given for him leaving bb. Hes accepted the fact hes nolonger an important part of their lives, sure hes important to a degree, but not in a parental way. Im sure its fair to assume he left bb around the time nayuta was sent comatose. So what i think: he left for their own safety.
He left them to make sure they wouldnt get wrapped up in the politics he did. Their mother got hurt, whose to say chuuohku wouldnt target his children next? They knew what was important to him, so he forced himself to think of them as unimportant. He left them so they wouldnt meet the same fate, nayuta is gone, he cant have her children following.
But that was when they were young. Now that they are more grown, things have changed. They are drb participants, and isnt the whole point of the drbs to train potential true hypnosis mic users? Those mics? The mics that kill users? Why would he allow that? I personally think that its just a matter of "they are grown, they can make their own decisions." mixed with "they could possibly survive it and help me create nayutas ideal world."
Even before the 2nd drb, dont you think it was odd how he randomly came to jirosabu one day and revealed that he was their father? What were the motives? Ive always interpreted it as him helping them in his own odd way. He knew their bonds were strong, so maybe if he gives them a challenge, he could strengthen those bonds while simultaneously pushing himself away. Which woah !! Exactly what he did. Jiro got some really good character developmemt out of that one, and bb started resenting him even more. Keeping them together is his goal, afterall its all they have.
So he got what he wanted. He pushed those that he loved and cherished away to protect them from his issues. So... Whats up with sasara and rosho? Notoriously, he told them almost nothing about himself. But with this new dt he revealed EVERYTHING. A new level of intimacy for our current time rei. He was vulnerable with them, when he was so used to makimg other vulnerable.
I think his relationship with sasaro is very healing for him. For all of them, actually, both he and sasara have a tendency to push others away for either their protection, or his own protection. And rosho is a catalyst of "thats so stupid wtf" and is essentially helping them find themselves after he found his own self.
Of course human growth is always happening, rosho is no where near done growing. As we see in the dt he is growing right in front of us, gaining more confidence in himself. And sasara and rei are still so far from really allowing themselves to grow. In a way, they are ashamed for their lack of growth. Sasara getting antsy over the fact rosho pointed out his habit of never getting involved. And rei reflecting back on nayuta when he just got done actively pushing sasaro away. Nayuta was the only person who *actually* forced him to think of different perspectives and not rot in his own.
While nayuta is gone, sasara and rosho are good stand ins. Will he love them like he loved her ?? NO !!! That man is a wife lover through and through. But theres one thing about hypmic that i absolutely adore, and its their utilization of platonic love. Rei is slowly learning to cherish sasara and rosho just as they are him. Its obvious sasaro already cherish and love each other on some level, with sasara immediately thinking of roshos dreams when met with his own to start comedy with him again. He didnt want to enroach on roshos new found identity. And rosho, pushing sasara to find his own new identity. And so many more examples.
But with rei, he stopped himself from cherishing and loving, keeping himself in the past where the only person he has ever, truly, loved with his whole heart resided. So when met with two people who had a bond like he once did, he stayed stagnant and kept himself where he was. That was, until they forced him not to.
So who is rei? Rei amayado, Rei yamada. I think he is a man that loves, truly loves.
Everything that he does was done from a place of care. Was he perfect? No. Not at all. Ramuda exists now, but to him that was a side point in getting nayuta back, and creating their shared world. He did it for nayuta, everything for nayuta. Because he loved her. And absolutely still does. He did it for his children, because in some way he still cares. Even if he acts like he doesnt. And now he is continuing on for his strengthening bonds with sasara and rosho, because they are giving him a chance to recount himself, and find out who he wants to be in his future. He isnt done living despite his old age, he has so much more to do and figure out, things he thought he could only do with nayuta by his side. Of course he wants her back, desperately, he truly thought she would never leave him. But now she has, and even though she isnt with him, he has the opportunity to restart with sasara and rosho. And hopefully be a changed man when nayuta comes back.
Rei, no matter what name he takes, is a man who loves, and will continue loving.
#God the new dt made me silly#I dont know if im right about half of this#Any more informed person please dont be afraid to correct me#Im serious#But rei genuinely infests my mind a lot#Not proof read btw idc about typos live with it#Ugghhhh....#Had this one brewing for months tbh the dt just gave me a boost to put it into words#And more evidence#Doesnt ramuda have really strong themes with love?#It would make sense for his creator to also have some#“I dont do character analysis a lot ohhh you wont see it often”#What a liar i am#hypmic#hypnosis mic#hypnosis microphone#sasara nurude#rosho tsutsujimori#amayado rei#rei amayado#luca talks#noctifan
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
i keep thinking to myself just make it to the end of the year and then ur free to do whatever you please but until then we are crying and screaming my lungs out. isn’t it so funny how the only way i can feel ok is through being myself and driving around, bc that’s how i clear my head probably bc i wish there could be a reckless driver in my path that can pls kill me so i don’t ever have to go back home. i can’t go home. it’s like im not even wanted there, i know when im not wanted somewhere. it’s summer, MY summer, im supposed to be living, instead im crying thinking about ending my life, i feel like im losing control. the things that i used to make myself feel ok are being taken away from me daily. i feel like im going insane bc everything i do is somehow wrong or not what was needed of me and it hurts so much bc how else am i supposed to be alive and happy and ok if im not loved by myself and i hate myself inside and outside i feel like im not good enough for anybody, i feel like im the one person ppl always forget abt like when we’re in a public setting and with a bunch of ppl, i feel like im always the one to have been forgotten or left out. its a horrible feeling honestly bc I WAS THERE. i feel like i don’t deserve anything and i really don’t. but since ik these are my last few memories i want to make the most of them but im also scared of my mom and what she’ll say of me when im happy. and yes i smoke and drink and cvt but honestly i love smoking bc it takes away all of my pain and im left feeling nothing, ik it seems crazy but it makes me feel like im going to make it out alive and ok even for a split second but thats why im always smoking. bc you most def don’t help me feeling ok, you’re the reason why i never feel safe nor ok nor alive nor happy. i enjoy drinking bc im not gonna make it to 21 so im just getting to still experience it and also it makes me feel happy and danceful and full of joy but you always seem to take it away from me always and it truly sucks so much because sometimes i do really want to be happy w you bc you’re my mom. and i wanna be good for you but no matter what i do you can never truly appreciate anything i do. that’s why ive given up, bc you’re never gonna open ur eyes and actually see how much im trying. this summer i had so much planned! i was so hyped and excited abt it, you should’ve heard me all of senior year, talking abt how happy i was gonna be bc im free from school and im finally gonna be able to be me. idk what else you want from me, i wanna go out and have sleepovers and have friends and be out w them for hours on end and stay out late. you say i can’t go out bc im drinking but maybe if i went out more often without ur fucking mf bitch phone call on my ass every single minute. i wouldn’t be out drinking and smoking everyday as you probably think i do now bc i could actually experience happiness. and ykw my #1 rule is to never cvt myself for anyone else’s problems but i truly think that this one deserves one bc i think if she takes my car im actually gonna lost and idk what to do. i keep saying and telling myself to keep pushing for jared and jensen and misha but i don’t think i can bc im so tired and over everything i don’t wanna live anymore. i wanna slit my wrists or hang myself to my death bc i cannot bear the thought of you saying that you’re disappointed in me bc that shattered my heart and to just continue to tell me these awful things that i wish i could respond with just fucking kill me already FUCKING KILL ME! i’m sure that’s what she wanted to do either way. she says she’ll be here for whenever you need me but i don’t need you i’m fine without you in fact i’m better off without you. ik that my intentions are good for others not for myself bc everything i’ve heard come from your mouth i believe by the amount of times that you’ve told me the same things so much so that i start to believe it myself and that translates over to me hating myself constantly and not being able to experience having real friends and have a relationship and to just experience any from of love
#anaorxia#d!e#ana progress#tw depressing stuff#depressing cvts#ed relapse#tw ed sheeran#i need to lose this weight#i wanna be perfect#i wanna kms#im going to kms#i want to kms#im dying#ready to kms#kms#not enough space
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry i have to rant or i will cry i hate when im so angry that the anger comes out as tears
tw: random guy being a general asshole abt lgbtq and trans ppl so if you dont wanna deal with that today, cz ik there's already enough hate literally everywhere online, then please save yourself from this burden and move along, i hope u have a nice day bcz if i cant then someone should
i just spent my whole afternoon arguing with this guy- it was such a waste of my time i haven't slept properly last night and i wanted to take a nap but my nap time is GONE i hate this i told him im done with this conversation and that i dont give a shit about him enough to want to educate him on things and have him change his opinion i TOLD HIM IM DONE i told him that he can keep his opinion shoved up his ass and as long as he doesn't bully people i dont give a shit i was READY TO GO TAKE MY NAP but nooo this bitch is like "just say you've run out of valid points" like BITCH NO.
i can't have valid points to counter you with because all the points ur giving me are utter bullshit like how the fuck am i supposed to reply to "ppl assigned male at birth wearing skirts and make up is worse than war" like WHAT???? DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF??? ARE YOU INSANE? what the fuck am i supposed to respond to that with? except that trans people aren't hurting anyone and war is, and he's like "at least war can be contained, these people are spoiling the mentality of the youth" like YOU ARE THE SPOILED YOUTH not the other way around, im like listen if you were really pressed about children and how trans inclusivity impacts children then you would have at least read more about that but if your first point is only "they're doing surgery on children" then clearly you have not even done as much as a simple google search so we both know that you just heard that in some random reel and went with it and you dont give two shits about the supposed 'children being made to undergo surgery', which they're not, and all you actually care about is looking cool and edgy by hating on the lgbtq community because thats whats in trend right now in india. he's like these people are too privileged why cant they just shut up and enjoy life they are rich like first of all rich people can have problems too??? also being able to afford therapy and gender affirming care does not equal to rich thats like saying if someone in ur family has any chronic illness ur automatically rich like ??? also poor people are trans too? and im so sick of these ppl thinking being trans is just an american thing or a first world problem like brother no? you are literally living in india trans people are mentioned in the FUCKING SCRIPTURES are u KIDDING ME? being trans is not a new sudden occurence its been there for longer than you have. like literally after 2 hours of conversation the only points he could think of to hate on lgbtq for no reason is
they are rich and privileged so they shouldnt have problems
if they have a problem with their gender they should keep it to themself and not fight it (??????)
they are running from their problems (they are literally solving the problem thats the part which everyone is mad abt its when trans people try to solve the problem by being okay with expressing themselves freely and to counter i said that even alcoholics are running from their problems ive never seen any of u andrew tate cocksuckers ever make a "joke" bullying alcoholics he's like thats different like literally all his "points" are him just saying whatever and then if u try to explain it with logic he'll be like no but thats ok bcz i said so and this is wrong bcz i said so like fuck you dude)
they shouldnt have rallies and stuff because there's more important things like war that the government should focus on (he was the one who said "war is a beacon of peace there cannot be peace without war" when i had first mentioned that its ironic that out of all the bad things happening in the world rn LIKE war the biggest thing he's worried about is a "man" wearing a skirt but ok sure now all of a sudden war is a big boo boo and we should all be focusing on that, so basically when he wants to hate on ppl war is irrelevant but when a marginalised group wants to fight for their rights that time war is the most important point and no one elses suffering is valid bcz there is war)
it is spoiling today's youth (im not even gonna talk about this because i do not see how people living their lives and just existing is considered "spoiled" and "corrupt" but people regularly hating on, bullying and degrading a whole ass community just because they are uneducated swines lacking critical thinking skills and a spine that saw some 'famous' youtuber or influencer or wtv or maybe a reel with 'dark humor' dissing on lgbtq and pronouns and 'blue haired girls' and now they thing they're oh so cool and edgy and dIfFeReNt and "not like those woke snowflakes" just cz they degrade and bully a whole community of people every chance they get)
im so done im SO DONE with this bullshit its EVERYWHERE its a trend now to be hateful and mean and an asshole to anyone who isnt "normal" according to heteronormative standards. i understand not having an opinion, to some extent ok i get it you're young you don't need to be involved in this yet but no, they want to have an opinion but they will do no research they physically shudder at the thought of reading a book and god forbid they actually google up a trustworthy article to confirm some of the bullshit they believe they will do none of this but they will scream and shout about how lgbtq is the problem and magically that is the only "social issue" they care about and they care soo vehemently apparently that they have to post about it and make dArK jOkEs about it and use slurs and degrade them every chance they get because THEY are harmful yes sure you who are actively spreading hate are the angelic saviours of society and a community of people JUST EXISTING are the ones that are harmful, right.
#im done im so done i cannot anymore#if one more person puts a story or comes to me making fun of lgbtq calling them mentally retarded or wtv the fuck and expect me to be like#haha so funni lol u are so comedi i am going to block them from every single social media i have them on#i am done.
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
silly little story time, every time youve said sometging about how im nice, or how i write good™️ i would like you to know that ive sat there staring at it for like,,, 5 to 20 minutes just taking it in. im like 'holy shit people actually think im cool??? without having the bias of knowing me for years???' then i end up wondering how im supposed to react or how would anyone else react and so eventually i decide eh ill come up with a response later i cant rn and then i just,,, dont.
long story short for a long time i forgot how bad i was at accepting compliments and my interactions with you have reminded me of that fact
sbsjsk, ok but same homie shaking ur hand aggressively 🤝🤝🤝🤝 legit every time someone says smth nice abt my art im like "Why What Do U Mean u think im cool, im actually a Loser" sjjdnxksks
also u don't have to respond to compliments at all pfft, ik it's hard coming up with smth to say, trust me dont stress, I just want you to know that I enjoy your writing 🤷♂️ so like, it's whatever lmao
me n u 🤝 having trouble processing compliments
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel kinda bad abt taking my mental health/work day
like yea i get an insane amount of school work but theres ppl i go to school w who have practice, and rehersal and get it done. am i seriously this mentally weak and unstable?? that i get so stressed out and anxious over school i have to take a day to do it cause i cant do my work at school? really???? like i feel idk idk how i feel. i dont think guilty is the right word? but neither is weak? idk. but its bad. theres just so much going on in my family life too that im worried about and i keep trying to tell myself that this is ok and needed and i just have to get the work done but its so hard to not worry and get overanxious to the point i cant go to school. mental health is such a tricky thing and i know its important but i feel so bad when i take care of it. i will say i put on my insta note "needing to stay home from school to do schoolwork is crazy" and like 5 ppl from school have responded saying they do the same thing all the time cause its so necessary. that makes me feel less bad abt taking today off, well not really off im gonna spend my whole day working even tho thats what i did yesterday too after my PSAT and barely made a dent in my planner. its just its so much. so so so so much and i feel bad that other ppl can handle it but i cant. ik ppls brains are built different but how come i struggle so much in school and w school work and others just pass w As and dont even bat an eye???? ig stupid is how it makes me feel. guilty, weak, and stupid. its only october and i feel like im on a sinking ship, i have school to worry abt, loved ones in florida to worry abt, my mas health to worry abt, my health to worry abt, keeping the house at least kinda clean to worry abt, plans to worry abt, social things to worry abt, so much to worry abt. also slightly unrelated but i have a dr appt to go to on saturday and get to skip out on helping w open house at my school and trying to explain to my friend why no she wouldnt rather spend her saturday talking w her mothers spinal surgeon about how she could be paralyzed for the rest of her life, or how her back conditions could kill her. id rather work open house but she insisted i was "lucky" to miss out. i just feel so overwhelmed already. its only october and my mental health is already at such an edge that i cant go to school. ik that going where i go will be good in the long run and the adults around me are constantly telling me that but idk if its worth it since who knows if ill even make it to the long run. they keep insisting that too. ignoring my mental health concerns and just saying that i go to such a good school and my diploma will help me much more than if i went to public school. which is all tru but it shouldnt be at the cost of my mental, and physical health. they say itll make college easier but if this is supposed to prep me for college idk if i can make it another 4 years of this.
im not happy anymore. not long term anyways like sure hoco was fun and i was happy, i was happy getting ready and dancing but as soon as it ended i wasnt happy anymore. i was back to my now usual empty kind of sadness. i watch shows, play games, and make art that usually makes me happy and it doesnt anymore. i stopped drawing for pleasure, only watch shows and yt series to get it over with and havent touched any games in a long time. nothings fun anymore. everyone is so happy, going to parties, hanging out, having fun but here i am practically drowning trying to even crack a smile. ive started just doing the bare minimum for myself to survive. school, sleep, eating, showers basic things. ive abandoned most of my hobbies and ik thats not good for me but i just cant bring myself to do them. i wanna be happy and i dont want ppl ik to worry so i just kinda fake it hoping no one will notice and maybe i can make other ppl happy. im lonely, sad, anxious, guilty, depressed. i should be excited abt things but everything feels like an obligation now. im just trying to go abt life trying not to die and thats pretty much it.
#emo#school#high school#help me pls#please help#send help#pls help#self help#help please#need help#help
1 note
·
View note
Note
hey! hey! i don't wanna do this anonymously. i love to read ur little posts and little tags they bring me so much.. joy?? but also not joy sometimes. but i adore them i really do! u seem like a really person! a lot of a person! i love it so much! i hope you have great days as often as possible
♡♡♡
#asks#ask games#m0ssbabe#fkdhdj ik im not supposed to respond but . dkdbdjdj !!!!#💖💕💘💓🍊🍓💌 thank you so so so much#is it ok if i dm you abt this 👉👈
1 note
·
View note
Text
lads,, u ever get nervous... bc your not feeling nervous enough??
#personal#i really hope this is relatable tm otherwise this is gonna sound so incoherent#anyway my rent inspec is tomorrow and i havent done much cleaning today so i feel..... weird#but my house IS completely fine like....i feel like it should be fine u kno#but then im like........IS IT???#bc i have a guy coming to take photos of the place tomorrow as well and the landlord is doing an open home on sundah#*sunday#eeeee i just feel like im missing smth :(((((#i just cant wait for tomorrow to be over so i can start focusing on slowly packing up everything#so its at least slightly less stressful when the time finally comes to move out#yikes. this month and half of next is gonna suck#also the woman we were supposed to be adopting a kitten from. hasnt responded to my text yet#its monday now and i messaged her sat evening#ik maybe im just being impatient but i am... concerned#skdkskks these tags are so long ok im done now
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
getting a little bit more homicidal every time i try to talk abt my spin and someone makes it abt themself shut uppp this is abt me rn
#'just like me/i do this/me' ..ok! what am i supposed to respond to this#can u just like give me a normal response and indulge me geez#its not that hard im self obsessed and i do it all the time !!#plus my spin is. soo personal to me so its especially uncomfortable :/ this is My soul if you relate keep it to ur damn self#diary#its always either this shit or being ignored. i prefer the basic ass no thought 'so true' than either of those even though ik its#completely fake and indifferent and ur just pretending for my sake#sorry thats kjust abt thistle i say so true genuinely. but he is so uninterested i know it#but i would even prefer his performative basic response than those
0 notes
Note
You're going to DEFINITELY know who I am (especially if you know how I sign all my anon asks), but you make me feel very safe. I really struggle with talking to people and I get nervous I am not doing it right, but with you I feel safe and comfortable. It feels easy with you, and even if I am doing it "incorrectly", I don't feel like I need to fix it or try to do it "correctly". - 👁
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 💛💛💛💛
#IK IM NOT SUPPOSED TO RESPOND BUT IM RLLY REALLY GLAD :) 💛#holding u........#ILY! /PL#asks#anon#👁️ anon#<- i do know u but i have a system for tagging asks OK!
1 note
·
View note
Note
i think ur cool ! also i know NOTHING about HLVRAI but seeing you post about it makes me rlly interested !
.
#OK IM GONNA CHEAT BC#ik im not supposed 2 respond but shdgdgd ive been feelin less confident in my h.lvrai ships so i appreciate it 💕💕#replies.txt
0 notes