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bratkook · 3 years ago

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like you never did. (m) jjk.

“Love me like you never did…”

part one. pairing. ex boyfriend!jungkook x reader genre. smut, angst, very toxic exes warnings. very toxic depictions of relationships, jungkook is a cheater, oc is kinda shitty too, they’re both extremely toxic for each other and just can’t stay away, smut in forms of: oral sex (f. receiving), fingering, unprotected sex, choking, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, creampie, jungkook the type to say i love u balls deep inside you<3, did i mention he’s a cheater? word count. 9.2k note. like always, tags are janky so if u read pls reblog. its been a year since i released the first part of this so i figured a part two that was somehow worse was well deserved<3 (part one is kind of important and gives u more of a backstory than this one so pls read it first, theres a lot of connections to this part that i dont fully explain like i did in part one…ok) please don’t hate me, hate jungkook for being a dick 🥴 but real talk, they’re both red flags and this is definitely not an ideal relationship but i enjoy writing it because its unfortunately pretty relatable soooo enjoy the angst and filth muah muah ly bye. (and yes this is inspired by santa monica & la brea by blackbear<3) this is just a two shot, don’t ask for a part three.

It always started with a phone call.

Buzzing his phone to life, vibrating against his hardwood floors where it lay face down with the screen most likely shattered. It continues to ring until it reaches his voicemail, something you haven’t heard in a long time because Jungkook always answered. It never mattered what time it was, if he was occupied doing something else, without fail he would pick up by the second ring with a smirk on his face that you could hear through his tone. But when the beep rings through your ear to alert you of a voicemail recording, you hang up instantly.

His contact fills your screen as you pull the phone away from your ear, nibbling on the edge of your thumb while you contemplate your next move. Any sensible person would take this as a sign to give up, erase his contact for good and pretend you never called him. But you’re two glasses deep into your favorite wine and the cursed box of memories lay spread across your bed sheets, so calling him a second time seems like the best option.

You know Jungkook was currently home, holed up in his bedroom no doubt, maybe a few beers on his nightstand while he scrolled through Tinder or something and ignored your call. It’s not like he was out with his girlfriend, judging by her instagram posts announcing her newly found single life as she downs shots with her friends at a popular club in town.

That was the exact reason you were calling him, having been watching both his and her social media ever since you discovered they were dating. It was like watching a car crash waiting to happen, knowing Jungkook’s tendencies too well to know he would never resist temptation. It was your selfish needs that had you throwing in a helping hand in the downfall of their relationship, texting him whenever you saw they were out on dates, continuing to answer his drunken calls on his own night out, allowing him to enter your place time and time again despite the way it made your stomach twist. Because if you couldn’t have Jungkook the way you wanted, no one could.

Before you can make a move to call him again, your phone buzzes to life, a new photo of him that you had taken a few weeks back filling up your screen. His cheeks are squished between your fingers, lips puckered up and showing his teeth, sleepy eyes staring directly into the camera with the tinges of a hangover weighing them down. That had been one of the good morning afters you had, giggling on the sheets as you rolled around after waking him up with the flash of your phone, kissing him while pushing the thought of his girlfriend from your mind, pretending to not notice the way he slyly texted her back when you got up to get dressed.

“Hello,” you answer just before the call goes to voicemail, hearing the sound of his breathing from the other line before he clears his throat.

“Hey, I was showering. You okay?” Rustling is heard as he runs his towel through his hair, flinging water droplets everywhere as he walks around his room. A small smile is on his face, knowing exactly why you were calling, having seen his exes posts himself, it was just a countdown to when you’d reach out.

“Yeah, just wanted to know if you had plans tonight.” It’s an innocent question, spoken so softly it’d be easy for anyone to assume you were being genuine. Jungkook could decipher the riddle easily, already reaching for his jacket that he left draped across his bed, side stepping the brown boxes littering his room to grab the rest of his things as he makes his way out.

“No, I’m yours if you want.” You can hear the smirk on his lips as he says it, ignoring the way your stomach flips at his playful tone. The wine nearly spills on your bed as you quickly bring the glass back to your lips to clear the rest of it, needing to give yourself something else to focus on.

It settles heavily in your stomach, tongue swiping at your lips as you set the glass back down and reach for a polaroid by your knee. The edges are wrinkled from how often you grabbed it, glossy image of Jungkook aggressively kissing your cheek staring back at you as you smile while taking the photo. Messy black ink is scrawled at the bottom in Jungkook’s handwriting, the words ‘love you forever’ not making your heart skip the way it used to.

“You know my code right?” You shove the feeling of regret and doubt deep into your mind before it could make itself known. That’s a problem for tomorrow morning, something you could blame on a moment of weakness, pinpoint it on the cheap wine you bought instead of taking responsibility for your actions.

“Of course I do,” he murmurs, jingling his keys as he slips into his shoes before leaving his place. Jungkook thought it was adorable that you left your old anniversary as the code to enter your apartment, pretending to believe you when you had insisted it was only because you had forgotten how to reset it. He couldn’t outwardly tease you for it though, knowing his own phone used those same four digits to hide all of his dirty secrets.

“I’ll be there soon.” He can practically see you sprawled out in your bed with a satisfied smile on your face as you hum in response before he hangs up the phone. Jungkook knew your games very well, having grown familiar with them from all the time spent together.

That same scheming of yours was the way you had lured him in, setting your sights on him when he was already spoken for. Your subtle comments in person slowly roped around him, tugging him further from his girlfriend and closer to you with each passing day. Before he knew it he was right where you wanted him to be, underneath you in bed with his neck covered in hickeys, a gleam in your eye that let him know you had no regrets despite the way you tried to pretend this was a mistake.

You were two peas in a pod, it’s the reason why it was so hard for you to stay away from each other. Jungkook’s distaste for exclusivity wasn’t a giant secret, knowing how easy it was for you to snatch him from his ex was the only red flag you needed, but the fact that he had a special place in his twisted heart for you is what kept you clinging on to him. Sure, he’d slip up on his nights out with his friends, come home to you with an extra contact on his phone and a few hidden snapchats uploaded by Yugyeom of whatever mayhem had transpired, but the way he would nuzzle into your neck as he slipped into bed behind you, gripping onto you like you were his lifeline made you look the other way.

Just like you knew how to weasle your way back into his mind whenever he strayed a little too far, he knew how to slip through the cracks in your heart, making himself right at home like he always did. That’s exactly why when he slips past your front door with your favorite desserts and a wine bottle to match, it doesn’t catch you by surprise.

“What’s that for?” you wonder as you exit your room, having been alerted of him entering your building by your intercom system. He looks proud of himself as he sets the goods down onto your small dining table, eyes trained on you while you make your way towards him. You’re no stranger to the way he looks you over, trailing up your exposed legs, cut off by the hem of your oversized shirt that he strangely thinks might belong to him, focusing on the way your tits push against the fabric when you cross your arms under your chest. Humor is evident in your eyes when he finally meets your gaze, lips curling up into a smirk when he knows he’s been caught.

“Do you ever need a reason for sweets and some wine?” he jokes, raking his fingers through his damp hair, head tilting to the side as he looks down at you.

“Mm, I didn’t call you over for sweets and wine.”

“Are you saying you called me over for my body? At least buy me dinner first.” The smile he wears is the same one that always makes you melt, boyish and flirty as he reaches forward to gently grab your hips when you approach him. Your own hands come to rest on his stomach, slowly inching up his shirt towards his chest, feeling the calm beating of his heart.

“Jeon Jungkook needs to be wined and dined? That’s a first.” It’s a lighthearted comment, but Jungkook knows it’s stemmed from a deep rooted issue he was the cause of. But he’s shameless, that sly smile never falling off his face, hands tightening their grip as he steps even closer.

“You know you’re an exception. Always have been,” he mumbles out, licking over his lips. “Always will be.”

“You’re in a sweet talking mood today huh?” you murmur, leaning up to connect your lips to his jaw. Jungkook’s fingers grab onto you tighter, humming as you trail kisses onto his cheek before finally connecting your lips together. You didn’t want him to try to butter you up, knowing if you let his words sink into you it would just mess up the routine you have.

It’s a routine Jungkook knows very well, his favorite dance with you, from the way his hands glide up your body, to the steps he takes towards your room without needing to separate from the kiss.

You couldn’t let that happen though, being too caught up in your brief moment of reminiscing, you had left the dreaded box of memories scattered across your bed. Jungkook knew about this box, had found it while snooping in your room during one of the many nights you had drunkenly called him over, but you weren’t in the right headspace to deal with whatever situation could come from that. So instead, you lace your fingers together and change the routine, slowly leading him away from your door and towards the giant floor to ceiling windows that lined the side of your living room.

Jungkook pulls away from the kiss at the change, eyes fluttering open and smirking when he realizes where you were taking him. Throughout your relationship you had voiced your interest in having him fuck you against the windows, enjoying the thrill of potentionally getting caught, and Jungkook was never one to deny you.

“Always so dirty,” he mumbles out, eagerly following you now, the familiar dance picking up where it left off. The blur of limbs as you tug and yank each others clothes off, the soft nibbles shared between kisses, how he groans into your mouth as you tug at his bottom lip, his large palms gripping your hips and pushing you back until you’re flush against the window; it all feels like home.

You know how wrong it is for you to still crave him as much as you do, knowing the void in your heart feels emptier each time he leaves. Jungkook does a good job at making you forget though, distracting you with his soft lips on your skin, trailing down your neck and chest, feeling the rise and fall of each breath as he slowly drops down onto his knees before you. His nose rubs against you, passing your bellybutton as his eyes peer up at you to shoot you a wink, pressing a soft kiss to your hips.

“Jungkook, please. Need to feel you, it’s been so long.” His fingers tighten their hold on you, digging into your skin for a brief moment as he hums in response. Jungkook knows it's been a long time since he’s been in this position, the past few weeks had him walking on eggshells, too on edge to allow himself to get sloppy because his girlfriend had gotten suspicious. The annoyance flares up inside of him as he remembers how useless it had been for him to attempt to clean up his messy trail because like the rest, she had found out anyway and two weeks without you had been wasted.

“I know baby, I’m sorry,” he murmurs, finally giving you what you desperately craved. You never need a buildup with Jungkook but he loves it too much, loves the sound of your gasp as he gently flicks his tongue against your clit, how your hands slide down your body to tangle in his hair and yank him closer. It makes his cock ache, moaning into your pussy as he wraps a hand around his length and slowly starts to pump himself.

Jungkook did this often, loved to tease himself as you melt at his touch. He pulls back for a moment to let spit gather at the back of his lips, letting it dribble onto his palm to give his fist a better glide before connecting his lips to your folds once more. The wet thumps of his palm fill the air and you know what he's doing instantly, feeling the movement of his shoulder against your thigh and as your eyes stare down at the visual you can only groan his name out. It was like he couldn’t contain himself, getting off to the way your thighs tremble, how your fingers yank on his strands, bucking your hips into his eager mouth with a whimper.

Jungkook digs his fingers into your skin, sliding around your hip until he has a handful of your ass in his grasp, delivering a swift slap that blends in with the wet slurps of his mouth. The low vibrations of his chuckle make you smile, biting down on your bottom lip as you stare down at him. His eyes are glazed over, fluttering shut as his grip tightens around his length, eating you out with determination while he gets himself off.

It's almost embarrassing how quickly he can break you down, have your knees going weak as your back inches down the window, head thrown back as the familiar warmth spreads through you. Once his fingers join in, slipping up your thigh before slowly sinking into your heat, you know you’re done for. They stretch you out perfectly, reaching parts of you that you could never reach yourself. The past two weeks without him left you to your own devices, desperate in your nights alone with your imagination and small fingers but nothing could compare to him actually here between your thighs, finally giving you your fill.

“God,” you rasp, trembling slightly when his fingers curve inside you, rubbing tantalizingly against your patch of nerves. “I missed you. I missed you so much.” It’s a desperate admission, feeling the curve of his smile against your pussy. Jungkook loved nothing more than to hear how much you still wanted him, needed him, missed him despite everything that had transpired between your relationship.

“Show me how much you missed me babe,” he pants, his fist pumping his cock in time with his fingers inside you, the rough pad of his thumb flicking against your clit while he stares up at you. You’re completely slumped against the window, chest heaving as the pleasure sparks inside you, the low glow of the city behind you painting you in the prettiest light. “Cum for me.”

Your eyes are locked together, seeing the way his sparkle as your jaw slacks, your chest hiccuping with each strained breath, hips rolling against him erratically. Your hand in his hair guides him back to your folds, letting out a debauched moan as you rest your head against the window, the warmth of his mouth sending your mind into overdrive. He can feel your walls clenching around his fingers, releasing his hold on his cock to grip your waist to prevent you from buckling over as you finally get pushed over the edge.

Jungkook always thought you looked best in the throes of pleasure, chanting how much you loved how he made you feel, looking dazed and exhilarated while you rode through the high. It starts a hunger inside him as he pulls out his messy fingers, sliding them in his mouth to wipe clean before he’s kissing up your body. The wet smacks of his lip make your skin tingle, shuddering as he licks against your nipple before trailing up your collar bone, nipping the tender skin of your neck and finally pressing his lips to you. The taste of you lingers in his mouth and it just makes your core ache for him, letting him slither his tongue inside to tangle with yours with a shared groan.

“You gonna let me show you how much I missed you?” he murmurs against your lips, low and raspy, and it sends a shiver up your spine. Jungkook just smirks when you follow him back to kiss him some more, never getting enough of him. “Let me make it all up to you babe.”

A quick nod is all he needs before he’s spinning you around, back pressed flush against yours as he pins you to the window, overlooking the skyline of the city below you. A shuddering gasp fogs up the window, the cool of the glass pressing against your nipples as he cages you in. His hands lace between yours, gliding them up the glass as he places a gentle kiss to your shoulder. Your eyes focus on the building across the street, a few windows illuminated inside, letting you see people going about their daily lives. Jungkook notices what has your attention, chuckling under his breath. “You like this huh? Knowing if they just looked hard enough they could see all the pretty faces you make.”

A whine escapes your throat at the thought, knowing how right he was, the slight adrenaline pumping in your blood fueling your desire, making your thighs messy with arousal. You know they can’t see you, the tinted windows of your building blocking anyone the glorious view of Jungkook getting ready to fuck you from behind, but the thrill was still there.

“I just like getting fucked with a view,” you laugh, arching your back and humming when you feel his hard length against your ass. His hands release yours, coming to smooth over your back and grab a handful of your ass in each palm, gently slapping the flesh and smiling when you hiss at the feeling.

“Yeah, well I have the best view back here.” The rasp in his voice is so thick it makes you shiver, the pure lust lacing each syllable quiets down the little voice in your head that wonders if you still had a hold on Jungkook like he had on you. You push the thoughts from earlier away, the same ones that had you pulling out the cursed box of memories, the hushed whispers hoping this would happen again. Instead, you slip your eyes shut and playfully wiggle your hips against him, smiling when he groans out.

“C’mon Kookie,” you whine, palm pressed flush against the window as you arch further, turning to look back at him with a coy smile. “Thought you wanted to show me how much you missed me.”

His eyes are dark as he stares at you, the corner of his lip turning up into a playful smile as he delivers a final smack to your ass, his adorable teeth shown when he laughs at the small twitch you give from surprise.

“I do. But I missed all of you,” he whispers, licking his lips over as he grabs his cock once more, slowly leading it to your entrance. “Missed your cute face.” Jungkook toys with the head of his cock a bit, slips it between your folds until it’s nudging against your sensitive clit and making you mewl. A sly smirk is on his lips as he repeats it, enjoying the small spark of pleasure that comes from it. A small whine from you is what snaps him out of his little teasing game, eyes now glued to the way the head of his cock disappears into your heat as he slowly pushes forward, your walls tightening around the tip as you gasp. That’s when he looks back over at you, smirking at the way your eyes flutter shut before you’re turning to face the window again. “Missed your pussy.” A low chuckle escapes him when he feels the way your tight walls clamp over him at the lewd remark.

You don’t think you’ll ever get used to the stretch that came with his cock, feeling every inch of him as he pushes forward, gentle enough for you to ease into it. Your wetness lets him slide in with no resistance, making a home inside your walls like he knew he belonged there.

“Jungkook,” you gasp when he bottoms out, hips completely flush against you, feeling him deep inside. It feels like the wind gets knocked out of you, the complete fullness bringing you a strange sense of comfort.

“Fuck,” he groans, fingers coming to grip your hips, digging into your skin, leaving half moons in their wake. “Missed that too. Say it again babe, please. Say my name.” He doesn’t give you another second to think about what he said before he’s pulling back and thrusting into you, skin smacking together from the force. When you moan out his name once more he lets his head hang back, basking in the feeling of your warmth wrapped around him, the neediness in your voice fueling him, swelling his ego and making his cock throb inside you.

He knows it’s the same for you, feeding off each other, needing one another to satisfy the addiction, because that’s what this was. There was some form of love laced into it, sick and a little warped but it was there. The main part of it? It was like an itch that needed to get scratched, the hunger for the past leaving you both desperate to get another taste, another dose of something that felt fleeting. It was the fear of routine going astray that had you constantly coming back, going back on your word to stay away, ignoring the part of you that told you that you didn’t need each other. And as your head bows forward, a choked gasp escaping your mouth when he rocks into you, satisfying the craving you had for him, you remember just how good it feels to come back to him.

“Missed you, fuck. Never again.” Jungkook’s rambling now, getting too lost in his thoughts to pay any mind to what he was saying. His hips never slow, the grip he has on your skin only tightening as he fucks you harder, faster, enjoying the way your hands slide against the window.

“Oh my god,” you choke out, jaw slack when he finds the perfect rhythm, hands guiding you back into him as he thrusts forward. Each rock of his hips pulls you further under, turning you into a whimpering mess, needing to reach back with your hand to feel him. Jungkook smirks as your palm feels around for him, releasing one hand from your hip to lace your fingers together.

“You feel so fucking good,” he grunts, tightening his hold on your hand for a moment. “So warm, so wet. All for me, right baby?”

“Y-yes,” you cry out, “just for you. Always for you.”

His hand pulls away from you, slipping around your front to slide up your body until he’s gripping your throat and pulling you up. You squeal slightly at the change in position, standing up straight as Jungkook pushes you closer to the window, his fingers feeling the racing of your heart against your throat. Your head hangs back, eyes fluttering shut as he snaps his hips forward fluidly, your hand coming up to grip his wrist in reassurance, letting him know he can squeeze harder and he does. He reaches all the best parts inside you, each grunt he releases hitting your ears and sending your mind into a flurry, only focusing back in when he speaks once more.

“That’s right,” he rasps out, placing a wet kiss to the side of your head before his fingers are pressing into your neck deliciously. “I’m yours too, always will be.” Jungkook always lets his train of thought run rampant whenever you get together like this, fueled by the pleasure of it all, running solely on lust instead of reality. When your walls pulse around him, eagerly sucking him back in each time he pulls out, he chokes out a groan. “God—fuck, I love you.”

That has your eyes widening, forcing the fluttering feeling in your stomach to stop at his confession. It’s been a while since Jungkook had let that phrase slip out, usually reserved for the times where you needed consoling, but something about the way he says it now makes your heart stop. It easily spills past his lips, a lie coated in sugar to make it easier for you to swallow, said without a care as he peppers kisses to your shoulder, whining about how great you felt around him as his thrusts turn desperate.

There’s an underlying something you can’t quite catch in between it all, made obvious by how much he seems to need you close to him. His chest is pressed flush against your back, fingers around your neck not catching the way your heart races now, too focused on gripping your thigh to lift your leg up higher and reach deeper inside you. A lewd gasp is all you give him in response, choosing to focus on the pleasure building inside you.

You don’t say it back, even though your mind is currently screaming it, shouting at you to say it, to confess how much you love him too. It was always a constant game of tug of war in your heart, fighting against rationality until you were believing his sweet lies, leaving your skin sticky as he kissed every inch he could reach.

As much as you hate to admit it, you would probably never stop loving him. The love you have for him is the kind that sticks to you, makes your chest feel tight from how strongly you felt it, leaves your throat raspy from how loudly you used to shout it at him. It should make you feel good, but it doesn’t. Flashes of how often you’d scream about your love for him play in your mind, rarely shouted from the rooftops with a smile on your face, often exchanged in the dim lighting of your kitchen with tears streaming down your cheeks as you argued with him over another lie you had stumbled upon.

Your love for him was used as ammunition in fights, under the belt shots intent to make him see how much he was hurting you. Your love for him was sharp words, slammed doors, and tearful exchanges once he calmed you down, kissing your cheek and promising you that it would all be okay. You endured it, knowing—believing—Jungkook loved you in his own special way, allowing him to sink himself further into you, breach each new wall you’d put up and because of this, you knew he would always be here to stay. It was evident in the deep wounds to your heart, scarred and raised, something you would always feel in the years to come.

“You know that right?” he continues with a small whine into your ear that leaves you shivering. His hand drops your lifted thigh and slides across your body, roaming over your stomach before dipping down your center, moaning in approval when his fingers find your messy folds. The second his fingers press into your clit, rubbing enticing circles around it, you’re shuddering. “Just wanna make sure you know—fuck—how much I appreciate you, need you. Always.”

That same desperation is evident in his voice, and it suddenly hits you that Jungkook’s the one that needs consoling now. The normal roles are reversed to leave him needy and seeking validation from you, getting it the one way he knows how to. You let it slide for this reason only, begging the dull ache in your chest to go away as you focus on the feeling of his fingers instead.

“I know Jungkook,” you moan out, using one palm to brace yourself against the window as his thrusts get harder. “You have me.”

“Always?” he rasps out, desperate for an answer. His fingers press into your neck tighter, making your head feel fuzzy in the best way, paired with the precise flicks of his fingers against your clit and you’re not sure you can even respond. He groans when your walls tighten around him, the slapping of your skin filling up your living room, messy streaks of your palm gliding down the glass illuminated by the dim lighting.

“Always,” you manage to choke out, hating the way you knew it wasn’t a lie, knowing that no matter what you’d always end up succumbing to him.

He breathes a sigh of relief against your skin at that, the fluid rocking of his hips speeding up. You can’t allow yourself to think anymore, letting your eyes fall shut as you savor the feeling taking over you. The soft, breathy moans of his name are the telltale signs that you’re close, his fingers pressing into the sides of your throat with precision, feeling the way you tighten around his cock at the added pressure.

Jungkook hisses into your ear, your walls sucking him back in everytime he pulls out, desperate for more. “Fuck—gonna show you how much I missed you right now baby,” he groans out, fingers covered in your slick as he rubs tight figure eights on your clit. “Wanna feel you cum one more time for me though. Can you do that, hm?”

A weak nod is all you can give him and he chuckles at that. “That’s my good girl. Cum for me babe.”

The wet smacks of your skin connecting, the quick flicks of his fingers against your bundle of nerves, the airy feeling of his fingers wrapped around your throat; it all becomes too much for you. Your body tenses briefly as you try to ground yourself, hand desperately reaching behind you until your palm is connecting with Jungkook’s side, feeling his muscles flexing as he fucks into you, the warmth of his skin keeping you floored to reality. Only then do you let the feeling wash over you, a final flick of his finger pushing you over the edge as you cum a second time.

Jungkook releases your throat instantly, hearing the sharp gasp of air as you moan out his name, velvety walls pulsing around his cock. His hands stabilize you now, holding you steady as your knees threaten to buckle underneath you, continuing to fuck you through your orgasm as you whine weakly at the stimulation.

“That’s it. Good girl,” he rasps out, pushing you closer to the window until you have no choice but to press both hands firmly against it. It’s like he can’t get close enough to you, needing to feel every inch of your body against his. “Fuck, where do you want me to cum?”

The flashes of overstimulating leave you mewling, your mind swimming as you try to give Jungkook an answer, feeling his thrusts grow sloppy now. “Inside, please. Wanna feel you.”

The desperation dripping off your words soaks into his skin, tightens the coil inside him as he stares at the spot where you connect. He wants to keep this visual in his mind forever, never wants to forget how you sound, how you feel around him. Jungkook’s chest heaves as he pants, stomach flexing as he pushes further into you, only needing a few more thrusts until he’s groaning deeply. Your name sounds like pure sin coming from his lips, gentle smacks of your skin blending in with it as he gives a few shallow thrusts, warm spurts of his cum coating your insides as he rides his orgasm out.

“Fuck,” he pants, buried to the hilt as he tries to catch his breath, leaning over your trembling body. His hands slide across your body, fingers soothing your skin, across your stomach, up your chest, trailing down your arms until he can lace his fingers with yours and bring you closer. You groan softly at the movement, his cock nudging inside your sensitive walls as you stand up, back pressed against his chest. Jungkook always liked to savor the moments after, the brief moment of serenity blanketed over you, bathed in the warm after glow that came from an orgasm, the two of you feeling a little too vulnerable to do anything other than bask in it.

He kisses the side of your head tenderly, nose nudging against your hair, slowly pulling out of you with a shared hiss. You feel his cum start to drip out of you instantly, coating your folds and slowly sliding down your thigh but you pay it no mind as he turns you around in his grasp. Staring up at him with dazed eyes, you appreciate the soft expression he always wore after this, gentle and caring, almost as if he meant absolutely every word he said. The slight tug of his lip pulls into a smile as he looks down at you, palm coming up to cradle your jaw before he’s leaning forward to connect your lips once more.

Kissing him always pulled at your heart strings, not knowing how he was able to kiss you and pour all these emotions into you. Each soft smack of your lips felt like a spoken promise, a genuine apology, pure love replacing the lust he had shown earlier, pulling you further under with each shared breath. The racing of your heart slows as he finally pulls away, keeping your eyes shut for a moment, still feeling the ghost of his lips on yours, and he chuckles.

“You’re cute,” he whispers out, thumb rubbing along your bottom lip with that adorable smile on his face. His eyes crinkle, giving him that boyish charm that made it so hard to contain your emotions. He quickly pecks you again, grabbing your hands and beginning to pull you away from the palm streaked window.

Back to routine.

The flip of the coin starts the second your mind clears from it all, thrown into the air as you go about cleaning yourselves up. It leaves you a little on edge, not wanting to say anything to push this in the wrong direction, to kickstart an argument when everything has been good so far. You choose to ignore it, trying to let it all play out naturally as you settle onto your couch next to Jungkook.

“I got your favorite,” he mumbles with a smile, bringing over the box of sweets he had first brought in with him. He opens the black box, revealing the donuts and pastries you always crave, something he would grab for you at the end of the week when you were together.

He watches you with that same smile, only getting wider when your eyes sparkle at the cinnamon crumb donuts. Like always, you divide it in half and hand him the smaller piece with a sly smile. “Thank you.”

Jungkook shrugs like it's no big deal, taking a bite of the sweet desert and laughing when the vanilla glaze lingers by your mouth. Before you can react, he’s reaching forward with his thumb and wiping it away, licking the residue off his finger out of habit. “So, how’s life been?”

You chuckle lightly at his tone, not entirely used to having small talk with him anymore—not like this at least. The last few times you had gotten together had been rushed, quick and messy, fighting the clock because of Jungkook’s dirty secret. There was no longer any need to hide anything so he lets himself enjoy the small sense of peace, no guilt weighing heavy on his chest at spending some time with you.

“It’s been good. I’m thinking of adding another member to my family.”

Jungkook stops chewing, eyes wide as he stares at you, slight fear creeping up his spine when he realizes he literally just came inside of you. “Like a baby?”

“No,” you laugh. “Like a dog, or a cat. Haven’t decided yet. I'll probably go to the shelter later this week to see.”

“I can go with you, if you’d like.” He speaks softly now, voice a little unsure as he wonders just what line he’s allowed to cross in this weird dynamic. Exes with secret rendezvous who visit pet shelters together was not something either of you ever saw coming.

“That would be nice,” you mumble, smiling softly as you bring your legs up to cross in front of you on the couch. Your fingers fiddle with the fabric of your shirt, pooling between your thighs from its size, wanting to reach out and touch him but it didn’t seem right. How odd, that minutes prior he had you pinned against the window yet now the thought of placing your hand over his seemed like it was taking it too far, too fast. “How’s life been for you?”

Jungkook clears his throat, knowing he doesn’t need to state the obvious, not wanting to divulge details about his newest ruined relationship. “Can’t complain. Actually, I took your advice.” When your eyebrows raise in question he readjusts himself on the couch before continuing. “I started going to therapy.”

It’s a little ironic really that you’d tell him to go to therapy when you probably needed it just as badly, but if he had finally bitten the bullet then maybe you could do the same. “Really? Any groundbreaking revelations yet?”

“You were right,” he chuckles, rubbing at his jaw as he stares at you. “I have really shitty friends.” You knew this, even he knew this, only sticking with his group of friends that he’s known for years because he was scared of change. Hearing it from someone else, someone who was neutral to the situation, made him realize it was the truth. “She told me I should distance myself from them, work on my self destructive tendencies and learn to set boundaries before reaching out again. Really though, I think I just need new people in my life.”

“That must be a little difficult at work though.” His friend group wasn’t large by any means, just a group of five guys who enjoyed riling him up to have fun while also leaving him out to dry once the party was over. They all did their own thing day to day, but Jungkook’s best friend—the one who more often than not enabled him the most—worked alongside him. “Has Yugyeom said anything about you giving him the cold shoulder?”

Jungkook’s body tenses up instantly, something you catch the second it happens, making you eye him cautiously as he clears his throat once more. “No, I figured it out already.” You nod in response, assuming he had requested to get moved to a different department, maybe even a different location in the city, somewhere they wouldn’t have as many interactions as they did now.

He confirms your suspicions with his following sentence, “I got transferred.” His voice trails off awkwardly at the ends, nervous fingers tapping along his knee as he looks away from you. The way he’s acting fills your stomach with nerves, reminding you of the coin that had been tossed in the air earlier, still flipping through as it decides what side it’ll land on. You can’t finish the small piece of donut in your hand, putting it aside as you beg your anxiety to calm down. “To another state actually.”

You can’t help the laugh that comes out of you, half expecting him to join in and say he’s joking, but he doesn’t, so your laugh awkwardly dies off. “Please, tell me you’re joking.”

It’s comical really, how Jungkook has the gall to look offended at this. His strong brows are pinched on his forehead, two wrinkles sinking into his skin as he stares down in confusion before glancing back at you with down turned lips. “Why would I be joking about that?”

Your lips press together now, biting back anything you want to say on impulse, your mind whirling now with a nauseous feeling bubbling in your stomach. The urge to scream at him lingers in the back of your throat, scratches and claws its way up because how dare he think he could do that. You swallow it down, feeling the lump in your throat as you attempt to be rational, the sobering realization that Jungkook could do whatever he wanted keeping you silent. If he wanted to cut off his friends, date new people, pack up and leave, he could. None of his life decisions have anything to do with you because you’re not a part of his life in a way that makes your opinion matter.

Those messy phone calls and late nights where he comes over when he needs something familiar, that’s all you are. Familiar. That permanent spot you held prior, etched into his heart with a little more room that let other things slip through, it was gone now. And that realization stings, you can feel it at the back of your eyes now, urging you to blink it away before shameful tears well up. You’re too prideful to cry in front of him right now, giving yourself a mental pep talk to get it together and bite your tongue before you can’t meet his eyes again.

“When are you leaving?” your voice doesn’t waver, but Jungkook can see how you’re affected instantly. He’s always been good at reading people, and the way your nostrils flare out slightly lets him know he’s upset you.

“In two days.”

That reignites the fire inside you, small embers catching flame and wounding you further as you hold it in. The hurt swells up in your chest when you realize that he had gone ahead and made plans with you minutes prior to visit a shelter, inviting himself, fully knowing he wouldn’t be here any longer, setting you up perfectly for another heartbreak because that's what he does best.

“Were you even going to tell me if I hadn’t called you up today? If I hadn’t asked you how life is going? Or was this just going to be another one of your secrets?”

Jungkook looks a little ashamed at that, and it spells it out for you instantly. He doesn’t need to tell you that he’s had the things in his house packed up in brown boxes for weeks now, his guilty eyes say enough. You know he’ll never come out and say it, because Jungkook admitting that he was so willing to leave you without another word is how he loses you and he couldn’t let that happen. He’d also never admit that he’s known for months that he’d be leaving and that had been what broke up his last relationship. The sneaky nights with you had caused a bump in his relationship but his ex was willing to work through it, but she wasn’t willing to pack up with him or do long distance and he wasn’t going to beg her to. Jungkook couldn’t let that slip either because that would make you realize that you weren’t his priority anymore.

“No,” he scoffs, still refusing to keep eye contact, fingers nervously fidgeting on his lap. “I’d never do that to you.” Jungkook lies so easily, knows how to wrap it up prettily for you to accept it. He knows he has to, and the worst part is that he doesn’t actually think he’s doing anything wrong. This is what his therapist told him to do, to distance himself from people he relied on out of habit, to find his own footing. Hell, you were the one that begged him to go to therapy so isn’t this what you wanted?

Still, he tacks something sweet at the end of it. Something he thinks will warm your heart and make you see that he cared for you. “You’re special, Y/N. You know this.”

A weak laugh bubbles out of you, jaw ticking out as you look at the fabric of your couch. “I’m special,” you whisper, words feeling bitter on your tongue, going rancid as it settles. This didn’t make you feel special. Jungkook fucking you and confessing his love, needing you to confirm he always had you, it all makes sense now. He needed to hear that, needed to have one last stroke to his ego to let him know he still had you in the palm of his hand before he made his swift exit.

It's hard for you to control your emotions now, trying to keep a level head even though your heart wants to grab the reins and lead this whole conversation. You’d think after all this time, the countless years together, how much you endured and put up with for him, you’d be treated differently. His friends being dropped like flies seemed right, maybe you were selfish in thinking so, in thinking you were held higher up than the group of boys who helped aid your own relationship’s downfall.

Now your brain is trying to scramble scenarios together where you’d be okay with this happening. Maybe if Jungkook had approached you like an adult, told you what he was doing with enough time for you to come to terms with it. Maybe if he had told you on the phone when you called him over, delivered the blow before he could sink his teeth into you a final time. But the truth is, there’s no way he could say this without you thinking it wasn’t good enough.

“So this is it then?” you sigh, defeated, feeling the same stinging in your eyes that you can’t fight back this time.

Jungkook knows what you mean, looking up at you and seeing your slowly reddening eyes, the absolutely broken look on your face as you let the reality of it sink in.

He wants to reach out for you, grab your hand and pull you into his chest to comfort you, but just like you had thought earlier, it doesn’t feel right. He’s sure if he attempted to touch you either way you’d lash out, stand up and stomp around while you spoke in broken sobs about how much you loved him. So he stops himself, keeps his hands on his lap and simply looks around at your living room, trying to take in the four walls he called home at one point. That’s when he spots it, on the back wall.

In between the endless framed pictures of you with your friends sits an off centered frame, the picture inside of it not quite the right size but he recognizes it instantly. It’s one of his favorite pictures you had taken together, sitting in an ice cream shop downtown, sharing a sweet kiss with ice cream lingering on your lips. That had been the first time he told you he loved you, let it spill out of his mouth smoothly, no nerves lingering in his chest as he said it, eyes focused on yours so he could see the way you froze with the spoon in your mouth. Jungkook hadn’t cared then that you didn’t come out and say it, didn’t care that it took you a few months before you had uttered the words back to him, because your wide eyed reaction and stuttered words had let him know he had already slipped his way through your cracks.

It’s a bitter memory for you, a picture you had put up in a moment of weakness weeks ago, and when you spot him staring at it you make a mental note to break the frame and toss the photo later.

Jungkook looks back at you, giving you a woeful smile as he sighs. “You’ve been saying that we need to walk away from this for so long. Don’t you think it’s time for us to learn to live without each other?”

That irks you. Because yes, you did say that. It’s something that the two of you said constantly but there was never serious intent behind it, just words used to ease the guilt you felt about it all, never meant to actually be done. But hearing him say it like this, with eyes looking so disconnected, it only plunges the knife further into your back, twists it ninety degrees until you can’t breathe right. It hurts, makes your lungs rattle as you try to take in oxygen. You just want to rip it out, trail it down his chest before you reach the fourth and fifth rib and plunge it into his heart so he could get a taste of how he was hurting you.

The want to be petty, to spew words you know will make him ache is nowhere to be found. Drained dry by your exhaustion, the constant back and forth of this reaching its breaking point. There’s something so twisted to know that despite everything Jungkook did to you, you still weren’t the one that was strong enough to walk away. Silly little you was still the one holding on to this with all your might, digging your nails into the fabric of him, hoping to snag a thread so he could look back and remember that you were there clinging onto him like he was your lifeline. But instead, Jungkook did what he did best. He got his way. Like he always did.

“I think you should go.”

He stiffens at your words, expecting a fight, because that’s what was supposed to happen. You were supposed to argue with him, tell him how much you cared, ask him how he could do this to you after telling you he loves you. He was supposed to console you, let you know that you’d always have him, give himself some leeway to come back if you’d let him. He needed you to let him, needed to have something familiar here whenever he came back to visit. Jungkook thought some space would be good, make the two of you less dependent on each other. But he can’t cushion his words enough, can’t make them sound just right for you to succumb to it, to still beg for him after the shitty way he had gone about it.

“I don’t want to leave things like this. You’re crying.” You realize he’s right when you bring your palms up to pat your damp cheeks, sniffling with a shake of your head. He reaches out for you now and you pull back, scoot to the furthest corner on the couch.

“Jungkook, you need to leave.” It’s getting harder to hold it back now, knowing you can’t look him in the eyes. The second you see his wide doe eyed look, preaching innocence, asking for forgiveness, you know you’ll cave. “Please. Leave.”

It's the crack in your voice that has him nodding, standing up from the couch with a shaky exhale. He hovers for a moment beside you, hand lifting up to try to touch you but he holds back, shoving his hands deep into his pockets before making a slow exit.

Your eyes are focused on the same spot on the couch, burning, stinging as you wait for the door to shut behind him. The second he’s gone you crumble, nasty gasp ripping from your throat as you curl into yourself and allow the tears to fall. It felt stupid to cry over this, to cry over him. That relationship had been dead for so long, no chance of actual revival, destined to fail from the start. Yet you continued to nurture it, urge the sad wilted leaves to grow, gave it everything you possibly could, only for it to end like this.

Through blurry eyes you glance out the window, seeing your messy palm streaks smeared across it and it fills you with rage as you cry. With rattling shoulders and weak legs you haul yourself up, wiping messily at your nose with the shirt on your body before you’re making your way over to the back wall. You zero in on the new addition, the awkwardly sized framed picture of you and Jungkook now in your grasp.

A slow inhale fills the air as you try to catch your breath, staring down at the photo with a cold expression, slowly breaking as the frown on your lip deepens. You want to smash it, you want to smash everything in your house that reminds you of him, burn the stupid box of memories and act like he never existed but as you raise your hands up high above you, ready to bring them down, you can’t.

The vibration of your phone shocks you, makes you pause as you slowly pull it out of the sweats you had slipped on earlier. Your jaw tenses as you see what it is, no doubt was he still lingering in your lobby like he always did.

Jungkook 9:28pm : I leave in two days. Let me make things right. Please.

With trembling hands you click his contact info, scrolling to the bottom and seeing the block contact option. Your teeth bite down on your lower lip as you hover over it, knowing you needed to do this, let him know you were strong enough to walk away, to stay away.

Jungkook 9:30pm : I love you.

Your eyes fall shut at the next text, a shuddering breath escaping you as you decide to throw your device to the other side of the room. It lands with a crack on the floor a few feet away but you pay it no mind, slowly sinking onto the floor with the stupid picture frame still in your hands, pulled close to your chest as silent tears continue to spill onto your cheeks.

The tiny thread of him that you held between your fingers was all you had left, the only thing you had clinging onto him, and you can’t let it go just yet. It makes you feel pathetic as you stare at your phone, fighting the urge to text him back as you cradle the photo.

Like all the other times, a moment of weakness has you setting the frame down, crawling towards your device as you grab it with shaky hands. Through the cracked screen you see another text, simply saying he’s sorry and it only makes you cry harder. Hiccuping sobs that get worse when you realize you’ll never have the strength to block him. The hold he has on you is too strong, leaves you feeling dizzy with what you used to attribute to love, but you’ve known now that it’s anything but.

His contact photo fills your screen, his cute face distorted from the cracks, splitting across his face as his call rings through. With bloodshot eyes your fingers hover over the green accept button, ready to fall back into the same seesaw game you had grown so used to, because it’s routine.

And like always, Jungkook gets his way.

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