#ok but tell me why I’m excited to see the chapter ‘acting on your best behavior’

[krirebr]

He might flirt with softness every once in a while, but his true Steveness can't be overpowered (unless you're Cole).

It's so fucking hot vampire Steve can drain me of all blood, so I don't feel that damn heat anymore 😩

"Did you go outside today?" Steve asked, his voice soft but gritty.

"No," you pouted from your place kneeling at his feet as he sat in what you'd come to think of as his armchair in your room. Your head rested on his knee as his hand gently stroked down your spine. "It was too fucking hot."

"Poor little pet," he said with a faux pout of his own in his voice.

"You should just drain me," you whined. "Then at least I could escape this fucking heat."

"So dramatic," he tsked. "Your fragile human bodies are so sensitive." His hand paused at the nape of your neck. "I could help, you know. Make your mind forget how hot your body is. Make you think you're somewhere else. Somewhere cool."

You shifted uncomfortably beneath his hand. "You know I don't like that," you whispered.

You couldn't see his face but you were certain he was rolling his eyes. "You're so stubborn. You won't stop complaining but don't want the one thing that would actually help."

"It wouldn't work," you challenged harshly. "I'd know something was wrong. That it wasn't real and my brain would fight it. It wouldn't do any good."

Steve's hand suddenly closed around the back of your neck and yanked your head up so you were looking at him. "Watch your tone," he growled.

You dropped your gaze to the ground. "I'm sorry," you said quietly.

His grip on you gentled somewhat as he said, "My Sunshine needs sunshine, doesn't she? Otherwise, she gets cranky."

"Yes, Steve."

He hummed. "Well then, you better hope this heatwave breaks soon, before you do or say something you regret." His words sent a chill through your body, stronger than any AC unit. "Now," he said, finally releasing you before patting his knee. "Up you get. I've put off my dinner long enough."

[imclimbingthestairsoforthanc]

High Tide - Erestor x Reader (Pt. 3)

You hold up your end of the agreement, which turns out to be more pleasant than you had originally anticipated. Your delight in the situation fades, however, when you remind yourself that in the end you cannot make it more than what it was - an agreement.

A/N: I have no idea if elves hold debutante balls, and they're probably not really worried about finding spouses before they're old cause they don't ever get old but i needed them to for this fic ok ok hehe

Warning: There are adult themes in this chapter. There is smut, it's not too graphic but if you're a minor please scroll. Proceed with caution

Taglist: @batsyforyou @asianbutnotjapanese

Erestor was by no means a good dancer, but he wanted to be sure that both ends of your deal were held up. Under the instruction of Lindir and Elrohir, who had been labeled the best dancer of all of Elrond’s children if not the best dancer in all of Imladris, Erestor became your practice partner. It was the raven haired scribe who waltzed with you and twirled you around and dipped you over his arm to whatever melody Lindir chose. In fact, it was Erestor who became your “practice partner,” for lack of a better word, in all things courting, not just dancing. Nevermind that a small part of you–the part that was still so young and naive and believed that princesses married charming princes and believed that one day you’d have your first kiss and believed in that peculiar thing called love–wanted for it to be more than practice–wanted it to be real.

But that was something you wouldn’t ever bring to light. 

That was how you found yourself holding on to the banister with your feet crossed and knees bent. It was a rather awkward position–one that you had never had to assume, but one that you had now found out you would be assuming in front of these elven men that you had never even seen. And here you were, entertaining their reaches for your hand with a bow–a symbol of submission that even the lord of Imladris himself had never asked of you, but was expected of you from these strangers. The thought almost hurt more than the crooked turn of your ankles as you pushed yourself back up to stand. 

“I don’t see why I’ll be doing this,” you said as Erestor approached you, “Isn’t it they who should be bowing? They must appeal to me, you know. This hurts my ankles.”

Erestor almost laughed. “Don’t tell me you, the great huntress of the house of Imladris has stiff joints.”

“You’re hardly one to talk,” you replied, “Aren’t you always complaining about your shoulder?”

“That’s different,” he said, “It is the aftermath of a healed arrow wound. That’s something you need to work on, anyways.”

“What?”

“You need to learn to bite your tongue.”

You scoffed. “Bite my tongue?” you said in disbelief, “Erestor, I know I made a promise, but the farther along we get with this preparation the less I want to hold up my end of the deal.”

“I’m serious. It’s not just about courting; if you meet someone with a smart mouth, would you want to be around them? Courting is hard when you act so condescending and snide.” 

“All the better,” you said, “Besides, I am not condescending or snide.”

No, Erestor thought, I can just think of a better use for that mouth.

He cringed at himself.

“Aren’t you supposed to be convincing me to want to get married?” you said, “So far it has been hardly appealing.”

Erestor smiled, “Yes,” he said, “But I supposed that while we had all that fun dancing I would teach you a thing or two before this debutante ball–of sorts. Lord Elrond is responsible for arranging it, anyway. Do you want to embarrass him with your crass manner at a party he threw in your honor?”

You cut your eyes. “Embarrass Elrond?”

“All right,” Erestor said, “You caught me. Elrond has asked that someone see to it that you are properly prepared for this party–ball–thing.”

You huffed. “I wouldn’t be to blame, anyway. Just because it’s in my honor doesn’t mean I’m excited for it, or even wanted it in the first place.”

“Nevermind that,” Erestor continued, dismissing your gauche attitude, “I haven’t really done anything to convince you–not yet.”

He took your hand and placed in it a package tied with white ribbon before kissing your knuckles.

“What is this?”

He smiled tightly. “It is a gift. People who court one another often share gifts of this sort.”

“I see.” 

“Well, then,” he said, “I think I should be off. Lots of work, and you’ve a gift to open.” 

______________________________________________________________________________

The package was easy to open and its content was easier to love–A creamy white gown with a satin bodice and train and chiffon sleeves with the same golden embroidery all over and a wide v-shaped neckline. It was folded neatly inside the package with a parchment tucked away inside. Written in all too familiar handwriting you read the following.

Y/N,

It would be an honor if you would visit me for dinner and dessert in my personal dining hall tomorrow just before dusk. If you would like to decline this invitation, please inform me as soon as you are able.

Warm regards,

Erestor.

You straightened your back and pressed your lips into a thin line, hiding the smile that was playing at your lips even though there was no one to be hiding it from. Dinner with Erestor had never sounded so enticing. Sure, you had eaten dinner with him–and Glorfindel, Elladan, Lindir, Arwen, Elrohir, and practically every other elf that is in moderate proximity with the lord Elrond or his family; but you had never had dinner with just Erestor–alone and in his private dining hall. 

You’d never been there–of course; why would you have been?–and you wondered if the word “private” meant that it was for his use only or if it meant that the dining hall was more intimate. Did he have lots of servants like Elrond did? He was held in very high esteem, so surely he had some. How formal was it? Just dinner? Or “hair done, perfume, fine jewelry, and new dress” dinner? You were just curious, you told yourself, or out of casual inquiry–it was your business to know the nature of the occasion, after all. Wasn’t it?

Your “curiosity” (really just anticipation, but you were none too keen to admit that your cheeks were extra rosy each time you thought about it) kept you up the rest of the day and most of the  next day. In fact, you had slept so late, it was nearly time to get yourself ready by the time you woke up. Never mind that you took extra care to fix your hair just right or that you used just a little extra of your favorite perfume. 

______________________________________________________________________________

“So, are we having dinner because you want to use ‘date night’ to convince me to give these bastards a shot, or are we having dinner so you can teach me a few staples in your guide of dinner table manners?”

“This is to open your heart, yes,” Erestor replied as he pulled a chair out for you, “Though, if it were the latter, I would certainly recommend that you not use the word ‘bastard’ at the dinner table. In fact, there are many who prefer that you do not use it at all.”

It stung just a little bit when he was reminded that this was not a ‘date,’ as you called it, but rather a detail of fulfilling your end of the agreement. You carried on for some time with pleasant small talk–talk that had you blushing like an elfling would over a frivolous infatuation–over salmon and vegetable stew.

“Thank you for dinner, Erestor. It has been such a relaxing evening. I’ve surely needed it–with all the preparation and whatnot leading up to tomorrow’s rehearsal.”

He wiped his chin with the napkin after sending you an inquisitive look, but he spoke before you had the chance to explain yourself. 

“Would you like to follow me to the balcony?”

He opened the door in front of you to reveal a large, rail-less balcony overlooking the north gardens. To your right was a large table, presumably for outdoor dining, and to your left, a light green sofa with red end tables hosting two glasses and a bottle of wine. You blushed. It wasn’t easy to forget the night you had struck the deal with him–but the wine on the table happened to be of the same make as the wine under which he held you so close so deep in the clear water of that secret pool.

You both took a seat. 

“What rehearsal?” he said after pouring you a glass.

“The one for the banquet,” you replied, “You know–where I am going to sit, who will be introduced first, who I will dance with first.”

You weren’t sure if it was the reflection of the full moon you saw in Erestor’s eyes or disappointment. A few more minutes–well, you weren’t really sure; it could have been an hour–of comfortable silence passed before you heard Erestor’s voice.

“Then I take it I was successful in convincing you?”

You weren’t sure when you had moved so close to Erestor, or he to you, but you weren’t sure you were entirely disappointed about it either. You could smell him–tobacco and leather. ‘When did you start smoking?’ you wanted to ask, but found yourself at a loss for words when you met his eyes. 

Was he going to say something? Or did he expect you to? He brushed a lock of hair out of your face with the hand that hadn’t found itself cupping your shoulder and pulling you even closer to him. You knew what he wanted when he tilted his head ever so slightly, but what did he expect from you? That he would kiss you, of course. Even a part of you expected you to–even wanted you to; but there was no time to sort out what you wanted and what was expected before Erestor acted and his lips parted and met yours. 

The kiss very quickly turned electric as he pulled you nearly atop him. His teeth found your bottom lip. You didn’t mind when his tongue slipped into your mouth, which Erestor found out very quickly at the whine you let out. 

You had just begun to sweat when you felt his lips begin to trail down your jaw. 

“Is this something you’ve yet to teach me?”

He hummed at the junction of your neck and collarbone. “This is something that is supposed to convince you,” he said, lingering on your collarbone. 

“I think you need to work a little harder to convince me.” 

Your breath hitched when you felt the tie at the back of your dress come loose. You had found yourself at your breaking point when he let out a short, breathy chuckle–his nonchalant demeanor an implication that he very well could convince you this way, and very easily so. You decided with no inner turmoil that you had no problem with his method of persuasion. Your legs pressed together for a moment, only to be pulled apart so that they straddled his thigh as you found yourself completely on top of him.  You weren’t sure exactly how long it was before your dress fell down your shoulders–probably not that long, but it felt like an eternity. In fact, you weren’t even sure when the rest of it made its way to the floor shortly after, but you had decided that was none of your business, only Erestor’s. 

“Is this what you want?” he asked. The velvet-like voice you had always heard from the library and council rooms had become a little bit thicker than you had remembered. 

You rolled your hips, and had it not been for your excitement that was only spurred on by Erestor’s voice and your state of undress, you would have rolled your eyes. You were already naked–did he think there was any going back?

“Words, Mírë*,” he said, “I need you to tell me.”

“Yes,” you breathed, “This is what I want.”

It wasn’t long before you were rolling your eyes, but for another reason entirely. Erestor’s movement was steady. He stuck to his reserved demeanor regarding voice, rather busying his mouth with kissing your jaw and neck, and you weren’t sure if you preferred that or if you would rather hear him.

 The angle he adjusted to so that he could attach his lips to your collarbone caused him to brush along the perfect spot inside of you. It wouldn’t be long before you tipped over the edge, Erestor gathered from the tug on his inky locks that grew tighter and tighter. You almost felt him smirk into your skin.

“Let go.”

His voice was what did it for you (and something that would later do it for you time and time again, but later wasn’t at the front of your mind at the moment). You followed his simple instructions as he guided you through your ecstasy, following shortly after your with stuttering hips and shut eyes.

His breath steady as he pulled you to rest onto his chest. You shut your eyes and breathed out a tired smile before relaxing in his embrace. You weren’t sure what time it was when you began to doze, but the moon was high in the sky by the time he interrupted. 

“Sit up a moment,” Erestor said as he directed you to sit on the bench and stood up himself, “I have something for you.” 

You sat, half awake on the bench for a moment before Erestor appeared with a small porcelain trinket box in his palm. You turned to him as he opened it and revealed to you a necklace of alternating amethyst beads and gold cut in the shape of forget-me-nots and embedded with fine cut diamonds. It was probably the most beautiful thing you had ever seen, and you wondered if it was the most expensive.

Suddenly the reality of your current situation hit you: you, who had all but vowed never to take a husband, stood bare before the chief counselor of Imladris as he presented before you what anyone in their right mind would classify as a courting gift. Was it shame you felt? Regret? No. Guilt? Maybe. You were about to accept a finer gift than many would see in their life from a man you had just slept with and had been repressing an infatuation with for a long time, only to go on about your life, and either remain unmarried or under great duress marry one of these strangers that you would soon be presented with–not him. 

“I can’t take it.”

Erestor frowned. “Why?”

“This isn’t part of the agreement–none of this is,” you said quietly and closed his hand back over the pendant, “You are convincing me that courting is appealing, not convincing me to–you know.” 

“To what?”

Erestor’s warm breath fanned over your collarbones, and you shuddered at the contrasting chilly air that swept in from the balcony. You had never been very articulate, even in things you were passionate about; so the longer Erestor’s gray eyes peered into yours for a trace of the four-letter word you couldn’t even bear to think, the tighter the knot in your chest grew.

“You know what,” you said, pulling your dress back up your torso.

He swallowed. “One would think it pains you to say it.” You tightened your jaw.

Erestor’s eyes bore down at you with something in between disappointment and anguish, something between dismay and heart wrenching grief that you couldn’t quite place as his arms circled you to tie your dress in the back, ever the gentleman even in defeat. “Say it, Mírë*. Give me that much.”

You swallowed. You knew, deep down, that you owed him that much; you owed him clarity and sound closure for the end of the thing you had been entertaining–fling, situationship, or whatever it was. But, then again, he was the one that found you in the garden and struck that silly deal with you, albeit a bit drunkenly. So you settled. You should have felt a little more guilty about the hasty and half-assed apology you were about to give than you did, but somewhere in between holding your aloof facade and tending a burning passion for the chief counselor of Imladris (some people had a name for that inner fire, but you’d never really been ready to call it what it was) you lost a little bit of morality.

“I’m sorry,” you said, “I’ll see you tomorrow at one-thirty for my dancing lesson.”

Erestor didn’t tear his eyes away from the place you were standing until long after you had left.

[rebelelegance]

Calloused Hearts

Hi! New story, new series in fact. It’s scary, it’s new, I’m excited. Hope you guys like it.

Summary: You’ve been a part of Kaz Brekker’s life for a long time. Some people said it was before the cripple, before the gloves. Maybe they were right, but it didn’t change the fact that you’d disappeared for 6 years of his life. You weren’t there, and that meant you couldn’t be let back in….right?

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Tidemaker!reader

Warnings: Angst, violence, kaz’s touch aversion, but a lot of fluff towards the end.

w/c: 1419

Chapter 1:

Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason. Everyone knew this. Everyone feared it. It’s why he could walk down an alleyway in confidence. Of course, he was alert, because there was always someone who felt himself to be the bigger and better man. Which is why, when he heard someone grunt behind him, someone who he knew wasn’t Inej, he stopped.

“You know better than to sneak up on me.”

He heard the softest thud, one he wouldn’t have heard, had he not noticed the grunt before.. 

“You had to choose an alley with the worst houses in the Barrel?”

Kaz’s heart dropped. He knew that voice. How could he not? It was engraved in his mind, he knew it better than he knew his crows, better than he knew his trade, perhaps better than he knew himself.

“Why are you following me?”

He hated how his voice wavered. Your mere presence had such an effect on him. ‘Pull it together Kaz. You’re Dirtyhands. The Bastard of the Barrel. Act like it’. 

He heard a huff, some shuffling, before you spoke again, “6 years, and the first thing you ask is why I’m following you?”

“You said it yourself. 6 years. So why?” He gripped his cane to ground himself. He had to remind himself that you weren’t the girl he knew. This girl wasn’t his best friend. 

“I’ve been following you for nearly over 3 years now. You’re telling me you hadn't realized? Not once?”

“No.”

That was a lie. He had. He’d seen your navy blue coat in the small light of a shop window on a few occasions. The way that the rain didn’t seem to fall much on him and his crows, while others nearby got drenched. The shadow of your figure flying past his window. He’d seen it. But he’d refused to believe it. He’d blamed it on his mind. Was convinced that it was just his imagination. “No, I haven’t,” he said. Stronger this time, more firm, as if trying to convince himself. 

He heard a sigh, more shuffling. “Ok. Alright, I guess I’m just that good then, huh?”

He knew what you were trying to do. You were trying to irk him. To get under his skin, to get him to spill the truth. He didn’t want to give you the satisfaction, nor did he want to play along. Both were costly. So, he opted for silence.

More shuffling. Another sigh.

“Do I have to continue talking to your back? Or are you going to turn?”

He didn’t want to turn. Turning would mean seeing you. Seeing you would mean backtracking on all the efforts he’d put into forgetting you.

And yet, his heart yearned for it. To look at you, to see your face. One of the few good things in the Bastard’s life. He couldn’t afford it. He always trusted his mind. Not his heart. Yet somehow, he turned.

He couldn’t see your face clearly. It was hidden behind the shadows of the night, only the silhouette of your body. You kept your style; he could make out the jacket you wore, something like what Inej had, and your hood. You moved your hand and it came to a stop in front of you, where the moonlight illuminated your awkward wave. Gloves. He remembered those gloves. Fingerless, black leather. He’d given those to you. Kaz’s fingers curled around the crow on his cane. She’s not the girl you gave those too, she’s a betrayer. He stayed silent.

“Wow, no waving back? Okay.”

“Stop pretending like we’re friends. Like we know each other. Like I know you,” again, he was trying to convince himself. This wasn’t you. Part of him believed otherwise. Part of him wanted to take you back to the Slat. Catch up over whiskey, laugh it all off like you always had. He wanted to revel in your comfort. Your smile. Your lau-

‘Kaz stop it. Don’t let her in again’.

You stepped forward, and Kaz had to prevent himself from moving back. The moonlight fell on your face now, and his fingers ached from clutching his cane. Your features were more defined now, your eyes darker, without the spark he’d known. A scar, starting a bit above your eyebrow, ran down, across it, and ended just before your eyelid. He was right. This wasn’t you.  

“We were, before,” the hurt in your voice did something to him. It made him want to give in. But he couldn’t. He remembered waiting for you, hoping you would show up. He set his jaw. No. He wasn’t going to give in to a traitor. “Before,” he said, still not in complete control of the confidence in his voice. 

“Ok look, I can explain Kaz. Please let me explain. I-”

“No.” He cut you off. You froze. He took a deep breath in. “No Y/N you may not explain why you betrayed me. Why you broke your promise. I am not the slightest bit interested. I’ve learnt to live without you.” Lie. “I don’t need you.” Lie. A pause “I don’t need you,” he repeated. He was convincing himself, he just hoped you didn’t know that. 

He watched you stiffen. Your expression dropped, shoulders sagging. He wanted to reach out. He wanted to turn around and leave. He wanted you. He wanted to forget your existence. He wanted so many things. All contradicting. He hated that you could do this to him. That you could turn his world upside down. That you could make him confused, and not know what he wanted. He hated you. No, he wanted to hate you, but his heart wouldn’t let him. He huffed. Get a hold of yourself Brekker.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. Soft, hurt, confused. He couldn’t read the emotion.  Your hand moved to clutch your side, a small whimper leaving your lips. Were you going to cry? That’s when he saw the sticky substance that coated your fingers. He froze, his eyes widening slightly. “Fuck,” you muttered. You looked back at him, eyes widened, face pale. 

“I-” 

“You’re bleeding.”

“Believe so,” you chuckled dryly.

“How?” He cursed himself internally. He shouldn’t care. 

“Must’ve gotten shot escaping PR. But then I saw you outside alone and I followed. Kinda didn’t realize”

PR. The code you created for Rollins. Makes him seem too important, he’d say. Yeah, but PR’s are annoying, you’d bite back. 

Kaz’s free hand curled into a fist. Did you think he couldn’t handle himself? Why did you follow him even after being shot? Why were you shot in the first place? And by Pekka? Why were you shot by Pekka? How by Pekka? What is up with Pekka, and him constantly messing with people he cared about? Why did he include you in that group? He flexed the hand holding his cane, it had gotten too stiff from all the gripping.

“I’ll uh- I’ll go. Just forget this ok? I thought it would go well, clearly it didn’t so, just ignore me.” You rushed with your words. 

Kaz had to think fast. He didn’t want to let you back in. But he could have you healed right? Just once? Would it hurt? No it wouldn’t, right? Nina could fix you better than you’d be able to fix yourself. You’d already lost quite a bit of blood from what he could see.  C’mon Kaz. She left you to fend for yourself. But the sight of you bleeding, hurt, and the fact that Pekka Rollins had done that to you, it changed something in him.

Just as you turned around, he called you out. “Wait.”

You turned back around slowly. “Look Kaz, I should go-”

“Can you walk till the Slat?”

He couldn’t see your face, you were in the dark again but he could hear the shock in your voice as you asked “What?”

“I was clear, I believe. Can you walk till the Slat? I assume you already know where that is.”

There was a pause, and then “Yeah, but-”

“Then we better get going before you faint, because if you do, I’m not carrying you.”

He walked up to you, pausing to look, “Let’s go,” and he walked off. He didn’t wait for you, fighting the urge to look back. After a few seconds he heard your huffs and then you yelled “Wait up Brekker, I’m hurt if you remember.” And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fight the small smile that made its way to his face.

Chapter 2

[sunshine-overload]

[BSTS] Sinju Summer 2023 4* Card Story

(note: Starless got hired to perform a hero show at an amusement park, the show is based on ‘Journey to the West’)

chapter 1 -amusement park, cafe-

saki: Oh, Shinju-san, you’ve been working hard today, are you taking a break?

shinju: Ah, yeah I am. Would you happen to be free right now too…?

saki: I am, how come?

shinju: I wanted to ask you something. Could you look around the park with me? I’ve rarely ever visited amusement parks, so I’m unfamiliar with them.

saki: Is that so?

shinju: That’s why I wanted to make sure I get to ride some attractions while we’re here. Would you like to join me?

saki: Sure. We better get going then before your break ends.

shinju: Thanks! Let’s go!

-amusement park, rides area-

shinju: Let’s line up for this one first!

saki: The merry-go-roud? Sounds good.

shinju: Aren’t they one of the things you picture first when you think of amusement parks? I’ve been wanting experience it. Now that I’m closer, it really is true that each horse has a different design.

saki: Once it’s our turn to ride you can pick whichever horse you like best.

shinju: Really? Then I better choose while we’re still in the line here. Let’s see, which one should I pick…

staff: Those next in line come on in, please watch your step as you enter the ride.

shinju: Ah, it’s already our turn! Umm, alright, I’ll go with that white horse over there!

saki: I’ll ride the one next to yours then.

shinju: Ok! Here, I’ll hold your hand to help you climb on.

saki: Thank you.

-saki gets on the horse-

-shinju get on his horse-

shinju: Woah, You’re really high up once you’re on the horse, huh? I wonder if riding an actual horse is similar.

-ride starts-

shinju: Woooah, we’re really moving around…!

saki: (Fufu, he looks like he’s having a lot of fun.)

shinju: Aw, it ended. Here, Saki-chan, I’ll give you a hand getting down too.

saki: Thanks again, Shinju-san.

-gets off horse-

shinju: The exit should be over here somewhere… Hm?

saki: What is it?

shinju: The people that are leaving… it’s all mostly little children. Could it be the merry-go-round is a ride that’s intended for kids…? Was the way I got all excited about it childish of me?

saki: Not at all. You looked like a gallant prince.

shinju: Really? I’m glad then! In that case, let me escort you to the next attraction like a prince would too. Would you like to come along?

-

chapter 2 -amusement park, stage area-

saki: (The show’s really heating up…! The scene where Shinju-san gets the spotlight is next.)

-cg

shinju: “…Before, I was an existence burdened by my past sins, simply waiting for death to take me.”

young boy: Is Yu Long gonna die…?

woman: He means that since he did bad things, he was going to pay for them by dying.

young boy: Whaat… I feel bad for him…

saki: (The whole audience is waiting in anticipation for what Yu Long’s going to say next…)

shinju: “But, Sanzo-sama and Sun Wukong saved me. That’s why I’ll repay their favour in full! I’m not just any old horse. I will protect Sanzo-sama with the power of my true form…!”

saki: (Amazing… I can really feel how earnest his feelings are.)

unei: Thank you very much everybody for watching! The handshake event will be held over this way!

young girl: Ah, its big brother Yu Long! Please shake my hand!

shinju: Thanks! Did you have fun watching the show?

young girl: Yeah, lots!

young boy: I know the story ‘Journey to the West’ but I didn’t know the character Yu Long!

shinju: Is that so? Well, nice to meet you! I’m glad you got to learn more about me today.

young girl: I know! I’ll go and tell my friends about you too Yu Long!

shinju: Ahaha, thanks!

saki: (Shinju-san’s really popular with the kids.)

shinju: Ah, Saki-chan! Did you watch the show?

saki: Yes, I was so impressed, your acting was great!

shinju: Thanks! It’s because I got to ride that merry-go-round the other day.

saki: Huh?

shinju: They weren’t real horses, but they still satisfied my longing of wanting to ride a horse. Since they gave a similar expirence. The scenery I got to see riding the merry-go-round for the first time was dazzling. I think heroes are also a form of children’s admirations. When I thought of it like that, the merry-go-round became a good reference! I want to be someone that lights up the faces of everyone watching.

saki: I see, I get it now.

shinju: I hope I was able to be someone that the kids here today could look up to.

saki: I’m sure you are.

shinju: Heheh, thanks. It’s all cause of you Saki-chan. I’ll try my best to be a shining hero in tomorrows show as well!

—end

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Teamwork makes the dream work fr!! Always happy to throw out some ideas o7

LMAOO yeah idk I think there was a lot of missed potential with the galaxy dragons (also the required island habitat thing kinda pissed me off but wtv I guess)

Truly nothing is happening each chapter….speaking of it feels like it’s been forever since the last one?? Or maybe my perception of time is just awful LMAO but dude this is like my dream I used to cheer for fics that were above 1k hit the jackpot FR i can’t wait to unravel the layers!!!

It truly is just the fanon brainwashing echo chamber…it’s kinda crazy how often this happens in like every fandom but I guess not completely unexpected…

WILL DEFINITELY RETURN FOR COMMENTARY idk how im gonna do this ill probably binge it all and leave like a mega commentary ask LMAOO or maybe ill split it up by section?? Im inclined to do just one big one but at the same time I don’t wanna like forget my thoughts as I read or maybe I’ll actually follow through annotation live reaction style LMAOA (also autocorrect is NOT my bestie it’s so inconsistent in capitalizing and fixing my punctuation so if anything looks goofy in my writing that’s also why like I’ll leave these here as an example by why are half my “I’ll”s properly punctuated and half not???)

YOURE SO RIGHT Karasu #1 truly…he’s THE MAN

FR like now im like wait so which is it like is he secretly a bully or…/j hoping the light novel gives more insight…but YEAH I think if he had like a fwtkac y/n he’d probably just brush off her insults and banter respond maturely I can’t really see him participating in that sort of banter…I feel like yuki’s probably one of the ones I’d say friends to lovers fits well with..? Or some type of strangers to lovers but specifically in like a form of pining from a distance maybe (since he likes ethereal things idk, also I never understood what that meant in terms of his “fetish”??? First of all kinda random fact to throw in but also how….? I can’t tell if I’m being crazy or not but)

LMAOO i remember watching it a long time ago and it was definitely entertaining HAHAH but TAKE A HINT IS SOOOO ICONIC!! I love it sm have the lyrics literally memorized and it’s so perfect for karaoke too LOL but YESS ADDED TO THE LIST o7 honestly im just excited for whatever you throw out next it could honestly even be a fic for shidou and id read it too there’s just no misses on account >>> ok but seriously now im super hyped for the best friends brother idea too so much potential!!! And honestly we probably read the same fics with otoyas younger sister (since the tag is so barren </3) I’ve also definitely seen a fair share of Reo’s younger sister dating nagi!! We love mold deviations >>> but I’ll admit some of the chatacter’s sister works I’ve read were pretty entertaining when done well!

I somehow read that wrong at first and thought it said that YOU shyed away from female characters and I was like….are you sure about that?? LMAOAO but FR I’ve definitely noticed that too….especially in other fandoms the only time I’ve seen another female character is usually when she’s acting like a plot device villain to create some drama or something and I’m like oh…. THE CENSORING LMAOO I’m gonna admit the plot device villain women side characters was definitely most prevalent on said website LMFAO I think specifically in using them as a tool for like jealousy or cheating or wtv I remember reading some and I was like oh. Ok then. Closed the tab and didn’t look back because sometimes it doesn’t make sense either like you can tell they’re really just there to be used in your typical jealousy trope

Also the gymnastics my brain did for no reason reading brothers best friend and best friends brother LMAOAO I got it now though so all good

I definitely think that it makes sense who has siblings and who doesn’t! Like it fs fits their characters but I remember flipping through the Bible and being like “man I wish there were more content in yours/aka family crumbs” LMAO ok Kunigami is definitely a rare breed of middle child…like the ideal middle child LMAO his sister raised him right (before wild card eek) to this day I still don’t know what I imagined otoya to be it is NOT middle child though…I guess the closest would be youngest sibling maybe?? I was kinda surprised he was sandwiched between two sisters though (especially since he’s a cheater but we’ve already had this convo HAHA) LMFAOO PARTICULAR BRAND OF SHITHEAD that’s so real I think I also partially felt that just because he was on the older side of BLLK? But I can definitely say he’s the younger bro who probably gets bossed around lightly by his older sister but has enough respect for her to let her do so and just goes with what she asks(I can imagine her sending him on like errands or asking for favors like pick up some tea on the way home or pick up this lipgloss for me) LMAO

I’m laughing so hard yeah if I spawned shidou into the world I would be done after one too LMFOAOA

Ok off to read pomegranate ink!! Get ready for a lot of commentary LOL

-Karasu anon

in general i feel like dragonvale had a lot of missed potential…i wish there was a way you could interact with the dragons?? like pet them or smth idk LMAOO ik it’s supposed to simulate a zoo so realistically you wouldn’t be petting them but they’re so cuteee like let me cuddle w them!!

i think the leaks have been dropping earlier and earlier so it seems like a lot of time has passed since the last chapter maybe?? the last one i can remember is 269 i believe where rin starts going a bit crazy 😭 but i forget when that came out

yeahh i think it’s just to be expected from fandoms atp!! once one person characterizes a character in a certain way everyone tends to follow that (especially if that fic gets popular) at the end of the day it is what it is 😩

HAHA dwww autocorrect is so unreliable i get it!! and either way i look forward to hearing your thoughts 🫡 even if it’s literally just “cool story 👍” LMAOAAO

i feel like fetish must be some weird kind of lost in translation thing?? like maybe it means preference or smth that they find attractive but not necessarily in a strictly sexual way (because if it is sexual then what is going on w yuki…how are you turned on by ephemeral things?? like he gives cherry blossoms as an example which doesn’t even makes sense 😭 does he bust every time he goes out during the spring)

PLEASEEEE OMG NOT SHIDOU i feel like now i have to write him just to see if i can do it in a way that’s appealing LMAOAO that would truly be the greatest challenge ever…haha i agree idm character’s younger sister when it’s done well!! i’ve been in some fandoms though where especially for long fics people will just make their “character’s younger sister” characters exact copies of the older sibling because they can’t come up w something of their own (jjk is notorious for this…the amt of gojo’s younger sister characters that exist in this world is crazy)

i NEVER shy away from a good female side character 😤 i think it’s come to the point where so many people just use female characters as obstacles to the main relationship that readers automatically expect it and jump to hating on female characters just for existing in a story or even daring to BREATHE near the male lead even if they’ve shown no interest in him. i have one story where i have a character who’s kind of the reader’s adopted sister?? and at one point she’s sick so the main love interest helps her back to her room…the death threats that poor character received for that are INSANE!! the whole point of the scene was to show how the main love interest is a generally caring guy too and she at that point already has an established love interest of her own so the hate was truly unwarranted but people were just unable to see beyond the love interest daring to interact w a girl 😒

otoya gives me only child vibes or like i can see him having a younger brother!! def not being stuck between two sisters given his interesting dating habits…LMAOO kunigami was raised well though 👆🏻 needs to be studied wtf ego did to him in wildcard because how did his entire personality change like that?? was my man in there getting tortured or smth tf 😭 and yess i do think karasu being one of the older ones in bllk and teasing isagi/rin/shidou (who’s technically older than him but wtvr) for being immature made it seem as though he would be an older sibling but agreed i can see him being the younger sibling who has to go get a glass of water for his older sister every time she asks and whatnot

see this is why i need to know what shidou’s parents are like…like are they like him?? or is he completely an anomaly amongst his family?? LMAO truly top ten greatest mysteries of bllk

I AM READY FOR THE COMMENTARY 🫡

[a-world-with0ut-dr34ms]

Well I Wonder

From Control - Full Story in Progress on AO3!

Ghost x Reader x Graves

Summary: Ghost begins to warm up to you -- however slowly -- to the unknown dismay of your commander.

No Explicit Warnings

Word Count: 5k

Tags: fluff, subtle flirting, bandaging wounds, banter, bonding, hints of jealousy, hints of growing feelings, slow burn, some swearing

Part One | Two | Three | Four Masterlist

Author's Note: Ok… I'm not a military expert or a hacker, so if I'm describing stuff wrong, you know now (*c * ). This one's more plot heavy, 'cause I'm trying to set stuff up for the next couple chapters.

More of that slow burn stuff. I'm trying to flesh out the reader's relationship with Ghost before I get to the real stuff, so it's just a lot of subtle flirting and bonding. Enjoy~

...

Chapter Five - Well I Wonder

Moments Earlier...

“I’m a big girl, Commander,” you say to him. “There's nothing you need to worry about. Plus, you’ve got me all excited for those drinks later.”

Graves watches you wave to him from outside the helo, smiling as you often did. He looks to you until the helo doors close shut, and that heavy motion of the aircraft lifts him back into the air. Everything is red again, and the metal walls rumble. The thought of you lingered.

“Do you think those two’ll get along?”

Soap’s voice pulls Graves' focus back over to the Sergeant. The 141 soldier sat adjacent to him -- beside the other members of Shadow Company.

He had that placid look on his face again, as if this were a road trip. If Graves didn’t know the man, he’d almost mistake Soap for a rookie, with his whole star-eyed look and happy-go-lucky attitude. A part of him wondered if it was an act; though, it couldn’t be. The man was merely a chatty sort, just personable with those he worked with. And it’s not to say Graves doesn’t like the man. Soap seemed like a good guy, but good men make for righteous enemies in times of moral ambiguity.

“That woman could make friends with the devil himself, if they ever met,” Graves says.

Soap chuckles. “You two seem close.”

Oh? Graves thought to himself. That raises an eyebrow. 

Well shit, it seems Soap wasn’t as dense as he'd thought. One look and the commander could tell Soap’s comment had no real merit to it. Comments like that could be dangerous however, so Graves acts accordingly. Amiable.

“Songbird’s one of my best,” he tells him.

There was no point in hiding that he was close with you; he’ll gladly set that straight too. It wasn’t like he had to go into detail about your… intimate activities. Knowing when to tell the truth and when to lie was a valuable skill to have in this field, and he’s learned the hard way enough times to know that surface level truths make for the best cover.

Anything more is need-to-know.

“She’s been with the company for a while now,” Graves continues. “I wouldn’t trade her for anyone.”

“I like her,” Soap admits. “She seems like a good person.”

Graves can’t help but chuckle at that. The way you interacted with 141 earlier, it was as though you’ve been acquainted with them for years now. He had told you before the mission that killing with kindness was your specialty, though seeing your work firsthand now was rather impressive. Your charms surely were a foe to be reckoned with. He had to admit it. 

And you thought Graves was the chameleon; indeed, it takes one to know one.

'It worked on you.'

You had said that to him earlier. Is that what this is? He hadn’t quite known what to say when he first heard it. Frankly, he doesn’t know now why he keeps thinking about it, why it seems to matter.

“Yeah,” his voice trails. “She's somethin’ alright.”

…

Graves set the last of the C-4 onto the side of one of the trees. Once the bomb was secure, he regrouped with Soap, who’d just placed a few in the area as well. The rest of Shadow Company kept watch in the treelines, making sure things don’t pop off too early. With luck, the noise here will create enough commotion for you and Ghost to slip in unnoticed.

If not though, well, he had plenty more C-4, and these woods were plenty large.

Graves turned to Soap, checking with him a final time before turning on his comms.

“Canary, this is Shadow-1 do you copy?”

“Shadow-1, this Canary. I read you.”

Hearing your voice never failed to relieve him.

“We’ve landed at the LZ. Preparing to launch the signal. Be ready.”

“Copy that.”

Graves signals for the group to head back deeper into the woods, so not to get caught in the blast. They take cover within the trees, using the night to their advantage. With the detonator gripped firmly in his hand, the commander speaks to the group.

“Alright boys, let’s get this done,” he says. “Detonating in three, two, one…”

The explosion was quick and sharp, spanning a few yards and knocking down a few trees. A small fire began to stoke, nothing that would pose a threat to the larger parts of the woods, but certainly noticeable in the pitch black. 

The sound of panicking AQ forces erupted in the distance. Just as planned.

“OK, time to hustle,” Graves ordered. “Let’s move out!”

The flames grew in the treeline, embers cracking into the sky like the neighboring stars, as the smell of burning wood began to cloud the air.

So ends the easy part of the mission.

…

A bomb.

The signal was a bomb. Figures.

“Well you wanted it loud,” Ghost said.

Indeed you did say that. Though, something tells you Graves would have done that regardless as to whether or not you asked for it. “Leave it to the commander to make a show out of things,” you comment.

“Time to move. Songbird, on me.”

Canary. You correct him in your head. You'd need to talk to Graves about it later; you didn’t need 141 calling you his pet names now.

You make your way to the edge of the cliffside, as you both equip your harnesses and prepare to scale down. Once the rope was secure, you take the plunge off the ledge, and let gravity do its work. The moon bobs above your head as you glide down, looming over you like a giant's eye.

Trained hands hold onto the rope, legs kicking off the rigid rock of the cliffside. The journey to the surface is mostly done in silence, both you and Ghost no longer thinking of anything other than the task at hand. You move robotically, on the same page with one another without having to say a word. 

When you’ve reached the bottom, you both take cover in the nearby bushes, just a few yards away from the east entrance. This close, you see two guards still posted by the gate, shifting about nervously as they watch their comrades run about the compound, shouting orders and trying to assess the situation.

A gruff grumble comes from your right. Ghost mumbles to himself, thinking out loud. “If we kill ‘em it’ll tip off the others, even if we hide the bodies.”

“Why not sneak in then?”

Ghost looks over to you. “I’m up for that.”

“I thought you’d be,” you say. “Any suggestions?”

“Let’s not overcomplicate this.”

Ghost ducks down and grabs a nearby rock. Immediately you knew where he was going with this. You two get low and weave through the trees and bushes, getting as close to the east gate as you could while being concealed. 

The walls around the compound were tall; well set-up, but nowhere near as secure as an ordinary base. Once the guards were distracted, you'd need to round the corner as soon as you walked through the gate. Ghost lifts the rock high above his head and chucks it across the way. The rock goes high enough above the guards heads to not be seen by them, as it collides against the wall to the right of them.

The moment they take their eyes away, Ghost and you rush through the gate, staying to the edge of the walls as you curve and make your way inside the compound. 

The whole time you moved, you knowingly observed the lieutenant, seeing how he worked. The man moved like a predator, all his movements premeditated down to the last step. He was fast too. Thoughts stayed in his mind for a matter of seconds before he's found a way to implement them into action, almost always flawlessly. Surely from years of practice.

In some ways he reminded you of Graves.

You both move from the gate, running in between two small buildings, as the night provides you cover. Most of the buildings looked to be abandoned stores and offices converted into a small outpost of sorts. From how scarce the personnel is here, it's clear this spot wasn't meant to be one of their normal hubs. They've got something specific going on here. 

All you needed to do now was locate Site Delta.

Ghost leaned into you, his voice so low and gruff you had to lean in yourself to hear him speak. 

"Stick to the walls."

You nod.

Ghost keeps close to you, making sure that you're right behind him, without ever having to look back. It was almost like a sixth sense. And you instinctively stay near him as well, not wanting to lose him in the chaos.

Your bodies trace the walls of these buildings, pausing abruptly when a group of soldiers ran by. You'd practically bumped into Ghost, had he not put his arm out to stop you. He kept his arm extended, almost as though to shield you with his own body. Rather chivalrous of him. But he made no comment on it. No fuss. He only does what's instinctive.

The soldiers scattered about the base like chickens with their heads cut off. It's safe to say that that explosion had them spiraling. Whether or not that was a good thing though, you weren't sure. Once they'd cleared up, you and Ghost move on.

You reach the corner of another wall, peaking over the edge with the lieutenant. Your eyes land on a small, one story building composed of concrete. The one with all the wires and satellite dishes sticking out of it. Site Delta.

"Shadow-1," Ghost spoke. "We're in the compound. Got visual on the site."

"Copy that," Graves said. "Make it quick. AQ is just reaching the blast area now. We've set more charges in the perimeter but I'd say y'all've got 20 minutes before they return."

"Rog'. Preparing to breach the site now."

You both cross over to Site Delta, pressing your backs to its walls as you slowly made your way around. There are no windows, no signs, just empty gray walls, before you eventually come across a door. A locked door. But penetrable.

"We'll need something to pry it open with," he said. 

You quickly observe the lock. It was a heftier one, but not anything high end. The right pair of hands could get that open, and you were just the person for the job.

"I got this."

You kneel in front of it, digging in your hair as you retrieve a bobby pin. You take your knife from its holster and begin fumbling around with the lock. In the meantime, you feel Ghost watching over you, keeping an eye on the perimeter.

You begin hearing shouts in the distance. A group of soldiers from the sound of it.

"We need to get in fast," Ghost states.

"I'm working on it," you say. And right on time, you hear the lock finally click open, the door slowly opening. "There!"

Ghost's large arm reaches over your head to take the door in his hand, as he holds it open for you. He says nothing, but looks down at you, waiting for you to enter.

You look up at him rather silly. "Lady's first, right?"

"Get inside, woman."

The monotone of his words never failed to bring a laugh out of you, though you kept quiet as you entered the site.

The place was not large at all. The interior was as gray as the exterior, as fluorescent lights buzz overhead obnoxiously. You remove your night vision goggles once inside, though it was still dimly lit. The place was set up almost like some sort of underground bunker -- complete with dingy furniture, shelves, all the works. And the room was clearly lived in too, if the smelt meant anything. You half expected to see someone inside. But the place was vacant, both of humans, and of any terminals.

"This can't be all that's in here," you say. 

Ghost immediately begins looking through the room, shoving furniture about and making quick checks at the front entrance. "Look for hidden doors," he said. "We've got fifteen minutes to find where those wires are leading, or the mission's a bust."

You join him in redecorating the room, checking for all the obvious places a hidden door could be. It wasn't underneath the rug. Nor was it behind any of the beds. As you come across a large, empty bookshelf, you feel a small breeze hit you, causing you to pause.

Upon further examination, the shelf seemed out of place, unnatural looking, having no books on it. As you step closer, you hear the faint sound of a machine humming. Running computers maybe?

"Ghost," you wave for him. "Come check this out."

The lieutenant approaches, staring at the bookshelf as curious as you were a moment ago. He wastes no time in shoving it to the side. You would have asked if he needed help, but he did so with ease, his large frame not only for show it seems.

You also just noticed how nice his arms looked when he took hold of the bookshelf. His grip was firm and unmoving, a lot like his personality.

It appears your intuition was correct, because behind the shelf was indeed a hidden door. You push it open, seeing a short stairwell leading down into a dark basement, where lights pool out from the end of the corridor. Ominous, but exactly what you’ve been looking for.

"Nice work," Ghost says.

"I live to serve," you respond.

"Good," he says. "Take point. I'll cover."

You lead the way in, keeping your gun lifted and ready to fire at the first thing that moved in front of it. Each step you take on your descent down grows colder, the wooden floorboards just barely creaking. Ghost stays close, his gun pointed over your shoulder, as he listens with you.

As you draw near the bottom, it opens into another room, only this time it's full of what you expected to see. Crates on crates of guns, and computer terminals, the room littered with a variety of cables and wires. Some kind of database from the looks of it, if not some place they were using for communications as well..

What you did not see was the butt of a rifle that came crashing into the side of your skull seconds later. 

The end of the weapon ripples against the left side of your head, causing you to lose your footing and fall to the ground. You black out for a split second, unconsciously doing what you can to catch yourself on the ground. When you came to, you saw the culprit responsible -- an AQ soldier who must have heard you two breaching in.

You see the barrel of his rifle take aim at you.

You feel for your own gun, only to see it had slid away from you when you'd fallen.

Fuck.

Just then, you watch Ghost barge into the basement like a large beast. You’re not sure when the lieutenant pulled his knife out, though there was no mistaking it when he drove the blade into the AQ soldier’s throat. Barbarically. The AQ soldier looked as though he hadn’t even processed what had happened to him yet; he never stood a chance.

Ghost grabs hold of the man, keeping his blade lodged in his neck, as blood pools over his glove-covered hands, dripping onto the floor. The lieutenant drags the AQ soldier’s body and throws him on the other side of the crates, regardless of whether or not the man was actually dead yet. But as his body fell to the ground, he didn’t stand back up.

That takes care of that then; it even hides the body.

“Clear,” Ghost calls out.

Once the immediate danger is gone, your head promptly sends a sharp throbbing pain above your left brow where you’d been hit. You reach up to touch the injured area, only to feel a cool, wet substance stain your fingers. You bring your hand in front of you and see the blood. It begins to pool lightly, getting caught in your eyebrow.

“You alright?” Ghost asks.

Your brain certainly did not appreciate being rocked in your skull like it had, but you still felt put together, given the circumstances. You bring yourself back to your feet and roughly wipe the blood from your brow, unintentionally smearing it. “I’ve had hangovers worse than this,” you joke.

“Be more careful next time,” Ghost chided.

Fair enough.

You rush over to the terminal, taking a good look at everything you had going on here. Yeah, you could work with this. This wasn’t anything you haven’t seen before. You quickly pull off your pack and begin retrieving everything you need to scan through their systems and store it for later. 

As you get to work, Ghost stands guard by the entrance. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

You press a few keys on the keyboard and observe a few things pop up on the screen -- advanced firewalls their systems have to counter data breaches. Easy enough to bypass. In a matter of minutes you were scanning through all their files and data banks; soon there wouldn’t be a megabyte amount of encrypted files you haven’t downloaded.

Work like this was delicate though. It required absolute precision. One wrong move could lock you out and blow your cover. Though you were confident in your abilities. 

In a way you had Graves to thank for that. The man knew his way around a network like he’d been bred for it. You couldn't ask for a better teacher.

“Baby,” you say. “I’m a tech guru with this shit.” 

“I’ll take your word for it,” Ghost comments. 

“Graves,” you say into your comms. “I’m breaching their network now. Should have a full scan of everything in four minutes.”

“Atta girl!” 

You admit, his praise gave you butterflies. You don’t feel ashamed smiling to yourself, though you nearly miss what he’s saying, with your heart beating in your ears and all.

“We’re making our way to the rendezvous point. I’ll set off one more diversion; that should keep them away long enough for your escape.”

“Copy that, Commander.”

“We’ll see you at the rendezvous point. Just holler if you need me. Graves, out.”

More blood trickles from your cut now, pooling straight into the creases of your eye. You lift your hand and continue to rub the blood away, trying not to let it take your attention from what your doing. But rubbing only seems to make the blood come out more profusely.

“Shit,” you swear to yourself. 

“What is it?” Ghost asks. He lingers near the doorway, your back turned to him.

“It’s nothing,” you say.

You hear Ghost’s footsteps approach, as you feel his large presence stop just within your bloodied peripheral. Towering over you. If his eyes were hands, he would have explored your entire form with them. You find it difficult to meet his gaze, so you opt for the screen in front of you instead.

“You’ve any bandages?” he asked.

“In my pack,” you say.

“You should handle that then.”

“My hands are sort of busy right now,” you say. “Unless you want to do it.”

You meant it more to be a smartass than a serious proposal. Sure the blood was in your eye and it was annoying the shit out of you, but it wasn’t world ending. However, you suddenly hear him unzipping your pack, his crude hands digging inside earnestly.

He called your bluff.

“I was only kidding,” you tell him. “Though I appreciate the gesture.”

“You’ll want both your eyes, lieutenant,” he said.

Ghost stands awkwardly at your side, awaiting your official approval before moving in to clean your wound. You half expected him to just do it with no regard, seeing as he's the practical one between you two. But he halts, not wanting to overstep. You take note of that.

“I’m not stopping you," you say.

Ghost kneels down so that he’s leveled to your height, while your head remains turned to the computer screen, your hands glued to the keyboard. You feel him take hold of your chin, propping your head up a bit. His touch is reserved, these small movements the most cautious you've seen him all night, which said a lot. He takes the alcohol soaked gauze and begins to clean your wound.

You flinched at the sting, settling into his hand as he continued to work. He was efficient, making sure not to take too long. He pressed the gauze gently against your cheek, as he cleans the blood from you. Once he’d finished, he grabs a bandage and rips it open, laying it over your cut.

You two don’t speak the entire interaction.

What went on in his mind, you wondered. He must find you a pretty lousy soldier, getting taken down like that. And now he's having tend to you because you bleed easy. You admit, it made you feel a little pathetic.

You think out loud to yourself, having meant it for your ears as much as his. “I’m not normally this inept.”

You feel Ghost take his thumb and smooth out the bandage over your cut. Though it hurt, his attempts to make sure you were secure felt incredibly genuine. He truly was a man of subtlety.

“Nobody’s perfect, Songbird,” he said.

“It’s Canary.”

He pauses.

“I rest my case.”

Ghost steps away from you once he’s finished, taking his rifle back in his hand and returning to the door. You have a moment with yourself in the meantime, the disillusionment settling in. You hadn’t planned on being a burden tonight. Yet strangely enough, Ghost’s words seemed to help, if only a little.

“Thank you,” you tell him.

Ghost is quiet for a moment, before you hear him say casually, “I told the commander I’d get you back in one piece.”

“Well you know I couldn’t make that easy for you,” you joke.

“Evidently not.”

You laugh under your breath.

The device you’d stuck into the terminal makes an affirming beep, letting you know that the scans were complete. You couldn’t wait to get out of here.

“It’s done,” you tell Ghost. “Let’s head out.”

…

The moon had nearly gone, as the sky became a soft, dark shade of orange and blue, the stars seldom remaining. The trees are lulled by the rising dusk, birds breaking the silence of the woods with their scarce melodies. The further you and Ghost traverse up this hill, the more the chirping drowns out the distant commotion from the compound behind you.

Sneaking out was relatively easy, thanks to the second set of bombs Graves detonated. Even if they find the body, they’ll have no clue of knowing of your involvement. The mission was a success, so long as Laswell’s able to get anything out of this data you swiped.

Of course, she’ll get this after you’ve taken a look for yourself. You didn’t need Laswell finding anything she didn’t need to know.

The stress you felt was undefinable. Your head was fucking killing you.

“How much further from the rendezvous point?” you ask.

“About a mile.”

You could make that.

You stay a few feet behind Ghost, practically following the man’s shadow as he led you forward. After your mission today, you felt good about working with him, even as you were disappointed in your own performance.

You kept thinking about that small moment you two had.

The throbbing in your head just did not seem to want to end. You were practically fantasizing downing a bottle of painkillers; you couldn’t wait to crash back into bed as well. You just needed this mile to hurry up so you could get back on the helo and get out of here.

You bring your eyes back to the rear side of Ghost again. The man was surely task-focused, you’ll give him that. Just from how laboriously he moved, you imagined he could probably go another day or two out here with nothing but his pack alone. Some men were just built different.

“You know,” you speak suddenly. “I think I know what music you like.”

“What then?” he asks, in a mood to be humored it seems.

“Folk music,” you say.

“Is that right?”

“Mhm,” you nod to yourself. “You seem like someone who likes a soothing voice with a soft guitar.”

“That does sound nice.”

“Am I right then?”

“Negative.”

You can’t help but blow raspberries to yourself. You were sure you had him pegged there for a second. You look down to your feet and think to yourself for a moment. “Would you tell me the truth if I was?”

“No.”

“I think you would”

“I don’t.”

You chuckle to yourself and continue to follow him through the woods. You honestly felt like you could go back-and-forth with him all day, if you didn’t feel so much like the gnat in his ear when you did it. If he were easier to read, you’d feel more confident in your behavior. But if anything, you’ve felt you’ve been more bare to him tonight than he ever let slip to you.

“Is there a reason you keep asking so many questions?”

His words catches you off guard. It also gives you more information than you believe he realized. Perfect. You could lie and say something stupid for your answer; deflect his question like he liked doing with yours, or tell him you had no reason for it.

You settle for something more honest.

“I just wanted to get to know you.”

Ghost grows quiet. Your words seems to be ones he did not expect to hear either; it’s the first time you’ve seen him somewhat at a loss. You imagine others were more interested in talking at him or about him, than talking to want to know him. It isn’t every day someone really takes interest in him, and it shows. Though he does not let the surprise last for very long.

“You're very strange.” Before you could reply to his comment, he starts to speak into his comms again. He probably did so on purpose. “Shadow-1, we’re approaching the rendezvous point. Check your fire.”

“Rog’,” Graves says. “We’ll be on the lookout.”

Ghost looks back at you for the first time since you’ve re-entered the woods. Though it's still fairly dark, you can find his black gaze from a mile away. “I’m not someone you’d want to know,” he said.

“And why is that?” you ask.

“People who do tend to regret it.”

“I’m not most people.”

“I knew there was some reason I said I didn’t dislike you,” he said.

Ghost stops walking suddenly, putting an arm out to stop you behind him. A tendency, it seems. You peek over his shoulder to see what’s brought him to a halt, noticing the helo parked in the distance, along with the rest of your team.

You see Graves and Soap sitting against the helicopter, weapons still at the ready, though they seemed to have the area locked down tight. Upon seeing you two in the distance, you watch both the Sergeant and the Commander wave and make their way to you.

Ah Graves. You hadn’t realized how much you missed him until you saw that charming smile of his grow on his face. He had to have been thinking of you too, from the way he took such strides towards you. Like you’d been apart for years.

“There you two are,” Graves spoke. “How’d it go?”

“I got everything we needed,” you say to him. “We get this to Laswell and it’ll be a job well done.”

“That’s what I’m talking about!” the commander cheers. He looks behind you at Ghost, who’s gone back to keeping his distance from you two. “My lieutenant wasn’t too much trouble was she?” Graves asked.

You wouldn’t blame Ghost for being honest if he was. You didn’t feel like you did much at all this mission, beyond tag alongside the lieutenant and put yourself in harm’s way. You awaited the man’s answer, looking back at him yourself to see if you could get a clue.

What you were met with were a pair of dark eyes looking into yours. Though they were the same eyes as before, they were different as well. Ghost looks to the commander when he speaks.

“You’ve got a good one, Commander.”

You don’t hide your smile. You imagined Ghost was smiling underneath his mask as well. Something told you he was. For a moment you looked at one another and felt validated in his eyes. Words couldn’t begin to describe how gratuitous this felt. It made time stand still.

Graves eyes look to you. He then looks at Ghost, before returning back to you with a more crooked smile this time. He even raises an eyebrow and stands up straight. “I sure know how to pick ‘em,” he comments. And suddenly you’re reminded of everything again. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Graves continues. “I owe you all some drinks now.”

Graves makes his way back to the helo, though you and Ghost linger momentarily. It had only been a few hours tonight that you worked alongside the lieutenant, yet you felt closer now. You felt you could trust him. And you wanted to know what kept him standing here with you, because you were beginning to read him more. He didn’t seem like one to linger, not unless something drove him to do so. Was it you who did?

“Will I see you for drinks later?” you ask him.

“You buyin’ too?” he asks.

“If it means I’ll see you tonight.”

“I might take you up on that then.”

Your lips curve bashfully, eyes still set on Ghost’s, who had not looked from you once since starting again. If the others noticed you two standing by the helo, they did not seem to comment. Or rather you two didn’t care.

You didn't.

“Good.”

...Chapter Six Here!

[jikookpancakes]

JIKOOK FIC RECS that no one asked for (2021)

but im giving anyway because THE TALENT IN THIS FANDOM IS INSANE

long post incoming!! this is probably just part 1 because i wont stop reading anytime soon so i’m inserting that link just in case i do make another one in the future

What’s a Soul Really Worth, Anyway? by thisneedsmorefilth - 130k words, fantasy, demon!jm, witch!jk, listen, this and the next one are my top 2 jikook fics of all time, so well-written, plot so exciting legit reads like a book, better than a lot of books tbh, the world-building is INSANE, jungkook and the gang accidentally summon demon!jimin and chaos ensue, especially for jungkook...and you know why!!!, so funny, angsty, cried so much, happy ending but listen to me: you gotta read the sequel too, YOU GOTTA.

Militat Omnis Amans: The Beginnings by edaen - 92k words, fantasy, werewolf!jk, vampire!jm, forbidden love, super slow burn but super worth it, JIKOOK IN THIS IS MY FAVORITE JIKOOK IN ANY FIC EVER EVER EVER, this is the ultimate all or nothing will freeze hell over for the other kind of love, and the way this is written is just so... how do i describe it. like you can just tell the author wanted to be very realistic with their feelings. you’ve seen the word count, this is SLOW burn. like you will legit feel their struggle to just be able to love each other and while it hurts, it’s also SO GLORIOUS. i love this one so much and if you like reading angst with happy ending but like cranked up to 200% then read this. bonus feels if you read the whole series

Until Dawn (series) by edaen - this is the long series where the previous one above is part of. highly rec if you love fantasy and you wanna read about bts being a rag tag group of supernatural beings fighting evil yay. also it makes the above fic more satisfying because you see more of jikook just being tgt and in love (with bonus angst because of course)

7 Signs by NamHyora - 27k words, secret spies au, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm who is always used as a raven in their operations aka they use jimin and his attractive self to attract people and gather information or acquire targets and all that spy stuff, and his bestie alpha jk is not too happy about it hehe, friends to lovers, iove this one so much i wish it was longer but i think the author is planning to write a sequel!

Drop Like Confetti by annie_vi - 110k words, ceo!jk, age difference, age swap, ahhh i love this fic so much cause jimin smart and mature and has this no bs attitude, and he can keep up with jk despite the age gap and the difference in status/experiences, jk sexy dilf in this one eheh, i love it cause the drama/angst tackles a very real concern for such couples, like there’s no angst just for the sake of having angst, it really makes sense where they’re both coming from, they’re so whipped for eo too so love that for me

Fold it Up Like Origami by annie_vi - 99k words, gamer!jk, model!jm, same author as above and jk is so boyfriend goals in this one and in all this author’s fics in general like wow my standards are so high now i will legit be single forever just reading jikook fics (with no regrets), secret relationship due to their celeb status, well-written as usual, dialogues/banter in this author’s fics are just YES

The Tournament by kinkmins - 34k words, prince!jm, bodyguard!jk, abo, i’ll paste part of the summary here “Prince Jimin gets ready to hold a tournament where 50 alphas compete for a chance to court him, his father the king hires a new bodyguard who is a little too blunt and a little too talkative.“, i really love this oneeeee

Screwed Up and Brilliant by annie_vi - 113k words, escort!jk, jimin needed a date for a work event and in comes jungkook, escort extraordinaire with a no sex rule and jimin is just dasdkjfhasl, a lot of that “is this real or is he just acting” kinda angst, fluff smut angst

Like Everything Glows by annie_vi - 180k words, merman!jm, aquatic vet!jk, ok this is like my 4th rec from this author just read all their fics you’re welcome, this is their first fantasy fic but soso good, i rec’d this to someone who doesn’t really read fics and she really loved it and said “their love is so pure hhh”, she’s right

Track one: I love you by honeydice - 30k words, they’re “just” best friends, lots of pining it hurts, there’s some yoonmin and mentioned past jinmin in this so just noting in case, angst, denial of feelings, siiiiigh

InYou by edaen - 4k words, pwp :), abo, the morning after jikook mating, more sexytimes ensue + fluff

Falling For You Again by Rose_gold715 - 30k words, amnesia au, jk forgets about jimin and idk just something about this hits right in the feels. btw i don’t support the jk hated jm before in real life agenda so i don’t like this fic for that reason but i like this fic because i love me some good painful angst with happy ending.

The President’s Son by AmeliaBedelia - 55k words, bodyguard!jk, president’s son!jm, jk is assigned to shadow jm bc his life is under threat, and things develop :), jm is jk’s gay awakening :) :)

A Touch of Sin by pettey - 102k words, fantasy au, police officer!jk, supernatural!jm, shamanism, LOOK AT THE RANGE OF JIKOOK WRITERS YALL, this is such an interesting concept, so different from every other fic i’ve read, really well-written, sometimes you come across fics and you cant help but go “someone out there rly blessing me with this art for free”

Tears to the Tide by haromame - 65k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, honestly there’s not a lot of abo elements it’s focused more on jungkook having ptsd as he just came from war, established relationship jikook, he comes back home to jimin and things have just... changed. except their love ok THEY LOVE EO SO MUCH this made me cry so f much ugh so good tho.

Zero Hour by edaen - 5k words, canon compliant, a little drabble based around rosebowl jikook, it’s part of a series/collection of canon compliant jikook so if you’re looking for more canon compliant here you go!!, also if you can’t tell already i tend to like several things from a single author, i haven’t read their other fics im legit saving for sad days but i am confident enough to say their other fics are also rec-worthy.

Wonder by wordcouture - 7k words, im sorry in advance, mcd :( pls take care of yourself, i don’t like sad endings ok i don’t, but this is so popular and i was like, ok let’s see what the hype is all about, i get it now, :((((((((((((((((((((, well-written tho, bc the author will manage to crush your heart in just 7k words ha ha

The Omega Revolution by PinkBTS  - 158k words, abo, alpha!jk omega!jm, dystopian au, the hunger games more specifically mockingjay vibes, angst with happy ending but there’s some...things... lost along the way and i think that’s realistic for a dystopian war au, well-written

Blind Switch - 226k words, jockey!jk, rich spoiled brat!jm, jm gets exiled to his grandparents ranch where he meets jk yeehaw, im sorry for the yeehaw, anyway fluff smut angst enemies friends to lovers hurt/comfort slow burn happy ending, all the good stuff, ugh jk so boyfriend goals, also the amount of fluff in the later chapters thank u writer

Finally by Rose_gold715 - 12k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, angst with happy ending, jikook mate out of convenience and jimin runs away from jk and his pack feeling unloved and outcasted, but jungkook goes after him :((

Park Jimin’s Guide to Good Housekeeping by Ashlyn17 - 235k words, fantasy au, when i say jikook has the best fic writers i mean jikook has the best fic writers because THE WORLD-BUILDING in this one?, THE PLOT TWIST?, yesyesyes, jungkook is a powerful fae and jimin is assigned to be his housekeeper hehe, listen my entire fic rec has several that could be great netflix shows and this is definitely one of them

A Spell That Reminds Me of Your Name by Chimneycricket - 42k words, wizards!au, enemies to friends to lovers and the development felt natural, well-written plus the author sometimes makes art of their fics and other jikook fics and posts on twitter, both their fics and art are so good, i’ve heard good stuff about their other fics too :)

that’s it for now!

just a quick one about my preferences: idc about tops/bottoms, i read just about anything but i prefer fantasy and multi-chaptered fics, i love established relationship jikook so hmu with recs anytime, i don’t like reading anything with cheating and mcd, i love fics where jk and jm are just so friggin in love they are just IT for eo, and at the end of the day even if there are elements to the fics i wouldn’t normally read, as long as they’re well-written then i’m all for it

[jikookiekosmos]

Can You Feel Me || jjk

➥Pairing: best friend!jungkook/reader, stripper!jungkook/reader

➥Summary: It wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did: you slept with your best friend, Jungkook, and now you’re feeling confused. You want to take your mind off of things, so what do you do? Hire a stripper, of course! But when you leave the hiring to your roommate, you end up getting more than you bargained for.

➥Genre: best friends to lovers, angst, smut, fluff

➥Rating: 18+

➥Content Warnings: making out, marking/biting, dry humping, reader is blindfolded for part of it, jungkook is acting as a stripper (reader has no idea to start with), dirty talk, slight choking/breath play, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, cursing (fuck is said a lot), oral (f. receiving), fingering, jungkook has a big dick, unprotected sex (reader is on the pill), cumming inside, praise, aftercare (they take a shower, lots of cuddling), jungkook is actually the sweetest

➥Words: ~8.6k

A/N: this is the follow up chapter to Be Good For Me, but it can also be read as a stand-alone fic. 

Thank you to Kenz for always supporting me and inspiring me to be a better writer. ❤

Also, thank you to anyone who reads this, I hope you enjoy it~

➥Masterlist

⊱──────── ✬ ✬ ✬ ────────⊰

It’d been almost a week since you’d slept with Jungkook. You hadn’t talked much – which was 100% your fault since you kept dodging most of his calls and texts. But it didn’t make it hurt any less.

The look on his face when you told him the morning after that it meant nothing to you and that you both should essentially forget about it (spoiler: you couldn’t) was all you could see when you tried to sleep at night. He looked so crestfallen and it broke your heart.

But you kept telling yourself you were doing this for the best.

In your mind, he was confused. You thought that maybe he slept with you because he was horny and you just conveniently happened to be there. And hell, maybe that’s why you did it, too! You guys were just two consenting, horny adults, having a good time. There didn’t have to be feelings involved.

Which is what you kept instilling in your brain every day for the last 6 days. It didn’t make anything better. You kept thinking about how his hands felt on you when he was holding you up, how he took care to not hurt you and kept making sure you were ok with everything that was happening. How he looked at you like you were the only person in the world. It was driving you crazy.

Your roommate was tired of seeing you mope around your apartment, grumbling things about how you were treating this like a break-up and just needed to work it out with Jungkook already. She knew Jungkook, too, not as well as you, of course, but enough. She also tried to convince you that pushing him away wasn’t the answer but you were stubborn and didn’t want to listen.

It was Thursday night when she brought up the idea of hiring a stripper to help you forget.

“You’re kidding,” was your response as you closed your book you’d been reading, curled up on the couch. The look on her face told you she absolutely was not joking.

“Nope, I think it’s a great idea, and if you’re down you can just leave everything to me. I know a guy,” she responded nonchalantly and you just stared at her. When she didn’t elaborate, you sighed and agreed. Hell, hiring a stripper may be more fun that you thought. And you’d have a whole day at work the next day to think about it.

Work the following day went by much faster than usual, because you had been surprisingly buzzing with excitement about the whole stripper scenario that was supposed to go down later. You had decided to leave the hiring of the stripper up to your roommate and she had yet to actually tell you who she hired.

When she finally did, though, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“Okay so like I said, I know a guy, but his style is a little...unique.”

“That sounds kinda sketch,” you said with a tiny frown. You were still excited but also…it sounded extremely sus.

“No I promise he’s really good! His whole thing is just that you can’t see him, so you’ll have to be blindfolded while he does his routine. He has great reviews though, people say it brings this whole new level to the experience.” She grinned and it honestly sounded crazy enough to be true, and you figured your generation was known to be into crazy shit so you guessed it wouldn’t be too bad…

You sighed in defeat. “Alright fine, fuck it. I trust you.”

“Yay! I think you’re really gonna love this guy.” Her beaming face was enough to melt your worries away. That was, until you understood what she just said.

“Wait, why do you keep saying ‘you’ like I’m gonna be the only one. I thought this was supposed to be a way for both of us to relax after this hell of a week.” You were confused about why she kept talking like she wasn’t going to be around-

“Nah, I actually have some stuff to do so this one’s all you.”

“Wait, no-“ you started to protest, but there was suddenly a knock at the door.

“Oh, that’s probably him. You just wait here, I’ll be right back.” She ignored your shock, already heading to open the door.

“Hey,” you yelled after her, “we’re not done talking about this.”

“We are for now,” was her response before she disappeared.

When she returned a little bit later, you were still where she left you, this time with your arms crossed.

“I don’t know about this,” you expressed your worry again.

“Y/N. Please just trust me on this. It’s gonna be great, I promise.” She smiled and you couldn’t deny how that smile made you feel like everything would be alright. She really was a good friend to you, even if you didn’t understand her at times.

“Okay, so he’s all ready to come in and start. We just need something to blindfold you with.” She started looking around the room.

“Wait here, I’ll be right back.” You left to go grab just what you needed from your room. You grabbed a tie - funnily enough, it was one of Jungkook’s. He was always leaving clothes at your apartment along with various other things he owned. You clutched the tie to your chest, trying to push your confusing feelings back down. Now wasn’t the time for that.

When you got back, your roommate excitedly turned you around, preparing to blindfold you. As you waited you held your breath, and when you felt the fabric on your face, you tried to open your eyes. All you saw was black and for a moment it actually kind of frightened you. 

Your roommate told you to wait so she could go get a chair, and when she returned she held onto your hand which calmed you down some, guiding you so you could sit down. You heard her walk away to open the door, and soon after you heard her come back with what sounded like another set of footsteps.

“Alright well I’ll leave you guys to it. Don’t break anything in our apartment or I swear to God I won’t pay you.” Her tone was joking, and she almost sounded like she might know this person, if you didn’t know any better. She was probably doing it to make you feel better, though, and you had to admit it helped.

Once you heard her footsteps fade away, you were suddenly very aware that you were in the room blindfolded with a complete stranger. And as much as that fact scared you, it also excited you. Which probably wasn’t supposed to happen, but you know.

“So,” you started awkwardly. You heard the other person make a sound that was something like a sharp intake of breath but it was honestly hard to tell. Were they nervous?

They cleared their throat. “Your friend seems nice,” was the first thing they said, and it was so unexpected that you couldn’t help but laugh.

His voice also sounded really hot, it was deep and had a faint accent to it and you were somewhat sad you couldn’t see who the voice belonged to because you just knew he had to be attractive.

“Yeah, she’s the best. She also said you came highly recommended which I gotta say,” you tilted your head to the side, in what you hoped might be his direction, “I’m kinda curious to see why that is.”

He chuckled, the sound dark and mysterious. 

“Well, I’ll be more than happy to show you.” More footsteps as he got closer now, and soon you could feel him close to you.

“What’s your name, babygirl?”

Oh fuck, you were in trouble. Fuck, that pet name, what the fuck-

“Y/N,” you stuttered out. It felt like he was standing right in front of you now.

“Mmm,” he hummed, that accent threatening to drive you crazy, “pretty name for a pretty woman.” You felt something brush against your knee, making you jerk slightly in the chair.

Yeah, you were liking this blindfold thing a little too much, probably.

You laughed. “Please, you can’t even see all of me to know that.”

“Don’t have to,” came his hushed response. “I can see everything I need to-“

He paused for a moment and when he spoke again, it was right by your ear.

“And what I’m seeing right now, tells me that you are very attractive.” His lips ghosted along the shell of your ear, never touching, and the teasing was making you hot.

‘For the love of god,’ you thought to yourself, ‘please do not already get aroused by this stranger in your home-‘

“That’s very kind of you, stranger who has a very attractive voice and is probably attractive in general.” There came that damned chuckle again.

“Hm, I’m glad you think so. How about I show you why I do my job the way I do now, yeah?” He sounded a lot closer now too, and you definitely felt something in front of your legs, probably his own.

“However, if at any point I do anything you’re not comfortable with, I need you to tell me, ok?” Even with that hot sounding voice you could still hear the concern. Which, of course, made him even more hot and you were so sad you couldn’t see him-

“Yes, of course, I’ll let you know. I’m fine right now, I’m enjoying all of this.”

“Good,” you could almost hear the smile in his voice. “First,” he continued, “blindfolding is effective because it takes away one of your senses.”

“Which means-“ his hand brushed against your cheek, “all of your other senses are heightened. Everything is more intense.” You felt as his fingers trailed from your cheek down to your neck before slightly curving around your throat.

You let out a quick gasp, your arousal from his actions immediate.

He gently squeezed, not really applying any pressure at all, it was more of just a touch, but it made you wet all the same. You tried to discreetly rub your thighs together because you didn’t want this happening so soon.

“I-I see,” you stuttered, his fingers still wrapped around your throat. He was applying feather light touches there, while simultaneously trailing the fingers from his other hand down your bare arm, since you were still wearing a sleeveless dress from earlier.

“So even though you can’t see me,” you heard him say as he removed his fingers from your neck, making you almost whine at the loss. “You can feel everything I’m doing to you that much more.”

It was then that you felt him close to your lap, and before you could process what was happening, he grinded down, close enough to where you could almost feel him, just as he said.

It felt like he was rolling his hips, and it was like he could see what you were thinking, because he used his hands to guide both of yours to his hips so you could feel exactly what he was doing.

“Wow, you’re really good at this,” you breathed out without thinking, and you were rewarded with another beautiful sounding chuckle from the man now above you. He sounded so hot, holy fuck-

“I’m glad you think so, because there’s plenty more where that came from,” was his response, and before you could question what he meant, he ground down again and this time you did feel it.

You bit your lip to hold in a quiet moan that threatened to slip out. Suddenly, a hand gripped your chin and tugged it down a little, making you stop biting your lip.

“Nuh uh, none of that, babygirl,” fuck there it was again, no pet name had ever had that effect on you before.

He was still rolling his hips and from what you could feel with your hands and in other places he seemed like a real fucking expert at it. It was getting harder and harder to hold in any sounds, but you really didn’t want to let any out just yet.

“I want to hear all the pretty sounds you can make,” he said, and he was just hovering above your lips now. God this stranger was going to be the death of you.

“Fuck,” you cursed under your breath, turning your head to the side as you tried to concentrate on something other than the feeling of him so close to your clothed core.

“What made you want to hire a stripper, anyway,” the mystery man surprised you by changing the subject. “Your friend said something about you were having a bad week?”

All the memories of everything involving Jungkook came flooding back and it was the last thing you wanted to think about right now. But, you couldn’t blame him for being curious, and since he was showing you such a good time, it’d be rude to not answer him.

“Yeah, it’s ­– fuck – it’s been a week.” He was still rolling his hips and you made no attempt to stop him. If the small pants you could hear from him every now and then above you were anything to go by, he seemed to be enjoying it, too.

You wondered how much you should tell him, and you figured since he was a stranger, pouring your heart out wouldn’t really do too much bad to anyone.

“I did something bad, and it’s been hard to forget about it. I-I hurt someone I have really strong feelings for,” when you finished your sentence, he stopped for just a second before he kept going.

“Yeah? And that’s what made you want to go and hire a stripper to take your mind off of things?”

You nodded, your thoughts jumbled. “If I could take everything back I would, but it was one of those things – you ever think you’re not good enough for someone? I mean, hopefully you haven’t ever thought that you weren’t worth it because you sound amazing, but-“ you were cut off by the feeling of lips suddenly pressing against your neck, sucking lightly. You let out a small gasp, the feeling definitely more intense than it should’ve been.

You reached out involuntarily, and thankfully you found what you were looking for: his shoulders. He had broad shoulders and from what you could feel he seemed quite muscular. And god you wished you could see him.

“You’re more than enough, for anyone,” he said as he continued trailing down your neck toward your shoulder. His voice was quieter then, and almost sounded familiar…

You had Jungkook on your brain though, so that’s probably why you were imagining that.

“Do people pay you to say things they wanna hear alongside making them feel good,” you asked jokingly.

“Sometimes. But this one was on the house, babygirl,” you could feel him speaking the word against your neck as he continued placing kisses, almost like he was trying to brand your skin with it.

You couldn’t help it. You let out a small moan and heard him chuckle right by your ear.

“Ah, there it is. Seems like I’m finally doing my job right, huh,” that deep, deep voice was filling your head and all you could think about was -

- still Jungkook.

Now, this stripper in your apartment just doing his best was a great distraction, but lately almost all of your thoughts had been filled with Jungkook and how badly you had fucked up. You guessed the man above you could tell the shift in your mood, because he stopped everything he was doing.

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Hm,” you muttered back weakly.

“What’s on your mind?”

You laughed. “Why, you curious?”

“Sure. But also,” you gasped as he started rolling his hips again, this time with more force than before. Instead of just feeling him, you felt something press against you. And if it’s what you thought it was, that made you even more excited.

“I’m here to show you a good time. So if you’re thinking about anything that’s going to upset you, I’m going to change that right now.”

He was essentially grinding down right against your clit now, and since your dress was thin you could feel everything. You let out a whimper because you didn’t have a choice.

“Oh my god, Ju- just do whatever you want to.” You had started to say a name - his name - and thankfully saved yourself in time.

At least, that’s what you had hoped.

He stopped moving, and it was then that you knew you’d fucked up.

“Babygirl?”

You gulped. “Y-yes?’

He slowly ground down and you felt something very hard press against your core. It felt amazing and you tried to lift yourself up to feel it again. His fingers were wrapping around your throat once more, keeping you from moving.

“It sounded a lot like you were about to say a name then,” he continued, drumming his fingers along your neck, squeezing every so often. His tone was low, dark, and sounded dangerous.

You gulped again. “N-no that’s not-“

He cut you off by another squeeze around your throat, this time with more pressure than before. You gasped, and you swear you heard him let out a soft groan.

“You know,” he said as he placed a kiss around your collarbone, “you can’t see me. So, if you’re thinking about someone making you feel good, you can call me by their name. If it helps.”

His logic made sense but also how weird would you feel calling this stranger Jungkook’s name? Your thoughts were indeed simply all about Jungkook right now, but would it be really ok to do that?

As you contemplated, he grinded down again, making you moan.

“What do you think, babygirl?” You started rolling your own hips as best you could in the position you were in. “How about you let me hear that name fall from those pretty lips of yours, hm?”

“I- are you sure?” Your eyes were squeezed shut from the pleasure that was building up, despite not being able to see anything due to the blindfold.

“Yes, if it’ll make you feel good, call me whatever you want, whoever you want.”

You could feel his lips hovering over yours again, and one particular thrust had you reeling and losing control before you could realize it.

“Jungkook,” you said it barely above a whisper, your lips brushing against his as you did so. His fingers were still wrapped around your throat, and he squeezed them with the most pressure he’d done for the whole night. You moaned again.

“Fuck, I knew you’d sound so pretty.” He suddenly stopped moving and you couldn’t feel him anymore. You started moving your head side to side to try and find him.

It was then that you felt yourself being lifted up and turned around, before you felt yourself sitting down again. He placed your hands on what you guessed were his shoulders, and you realized then that you had to be straddling him.

Listen, you’d never hired a stripper before, so you weren’t sure how all this worked. You didn’t know if they got intimate, and if they did, how intimate they got. You also weren’t sure if it was just different for everyone.

But whatever was happening now, he seemed to definitely be enjoying it, and you knew you were. And not seeing him was suddenly a blessing, because now all you could think about as you were straddling this ridiculously-attractive-sounding man, was the boy with the bunny smile that stole your heart.

Even if you realized it too late.

He used his hands that were now around your waist to roll you forward. You had momentarily forgotten how dresses work, and since you were straddling him now, you were rolling against him with just your panties as a barrier from his figure under you.

“Fuck,” you let your head hang as the pleasure washed over you, and with the sensitivity you felt due to your senses being heightened, you would absolutely cum all over this stranger in your apartment if you weren’t careful.

He, however, seemed very hard underneath you, so you guessed he didn’t mind much.

“Can you feel me, babygirl,” he asked breathlessly, panting as you kept moving against him. His small noises were almost driving you insane, and all you could see behind your eyelids was how Jungkook looked when you were on your knees for him that night.

You were also really grateful Jungkook never called you babygirl because you’d still probably be in your bed with him even now, almost a week later.

You nodded, moving faster on your own accord letting out moans as quietly as possible. Soon he started to let out sounds that matched your own, and it spurred you on to continue.

He trailed his fingers along your neck, which made you shudder in his hold. You heard him let out a soft chuckle and before you could ask why, his hand wrapped around your throat again.

Except this time, instead of just squeezing to apply pressure, he pulled you closer to him by the hold he had on your neck. He was basically manhandling you while you were straddling his lap blindfolded and holy fuck were you enjoying it.

“Do I make you feel good,” he asked against your lips, giving them a small peck, as if to test the waters. You nodded again, panting as you could feel your release approaching quickly.

“Jungkook,” you let the name roll off your tongue again because fuck it, why not, at this point. He groaned and squeezed around your neck, making you gasp.

“Please,” you breathed out. You felt him drum his fingertips against the pulse point in your neck.

“Please what,” he all but growled out, that deep accent as strong as ever. His voice seemed a little more strained now as he was coming undone too, but he was holding it together a lot better than you were.

You placed your hand on top of his and squeezed. “More, please,” you said weakly, hoping he’d understand.

“Fuck,” was the response you got, before he applied more pressure. It was getting harder to breathe, but never to the point where you felt like you were in danger or it hurt. He was giving you just enough of what you wanted, and it was bringing you to the edge very fast.

“You look so sexy like this, Y/N, fuck-“ he broke off and he definitely sounded a lot like he was losing his composure now.

“Jungkook, fuck, I-“ you stuttered as you kept rolling your hips on top of him as he guided you with one hand on your waist, the other still around your throat, a feeling you were now fond of.

“Come on, let go for me,” he spurred you on, and you knew it wouldn’t be long now. Especially not when you could feel him panting again by your ear.

“Cum for me, babygirl,” he said as he gently bit down on your earlobe, a harsh contrast from many of his other actions tonight.

“Fuck, Jungko-“ you were cut off as his lips crashed against your own , thankfully, because he swallowed all the sounds you made as you were experiencing one hell of an orgasm. His hands were gripping your hips so tight you felt like he could break you if you let him.

And maybe you should.

He was still panting below you, letting out soft moans as you started slowing down. You didn’t want to be the only one to reach your high, though, so you kept going.

“F-fuck, Y/N, you don’t have to,” his voice was low and didn’t have as strong an accent now, but you couldn’t focus on that. All you could focus on right now was returning the favor for this stranger that just gave you one of the best orgasms you’d ever had.

“It’s your turn to cum for me now,” you said against his lips, since neither of you had moved from earlier. He groaned into the kiss and you felt yourself becoming overstimulated at this point, but if you kept getting to hear the sounds he was making, you’d deal with it as long as you needed do.

“Fuck, babygirl,” he moaned and you swear you almost came again right then. You couldn’t help it, you wanted to see him, needed to see him. You wanted to watch this man beneath you fall apart.

“Can I see you,” you asked timidly, still rolling your hips forward, trying to bring him to that same euphoric state you’d just reached yourself.

His response was…not what you expected. Instead of a simple yes or no, he started slowing your movements until you were completely still on his lap. Had you done something wrong?

“Y/N,” he called your name. That voice…no way, it couldn’t be…

“Jungkook?” Your voice cracked as you called out his name, this time not out of pleasure, but out of genuine confusion.

You felt him remove his hands from around your waist, going now to the back of the tie still blindfolding you. You felt him untie it and suddenly it fell from your face and into your lap. You blinked to readjust your eyes to the light, and then you looked at his face.

Your heart sank.

“Jungkook,” you asked again. You saw him gulp and nod, so many emotions hidden behind his big doe eyes that you were sure mirrored your own.

“Hey” he tried offering you a small smile. Under normal circumstances, you would have returned it. But this was not a normal circumstance; in fact, it was anything but.

His hands hand gone back down to your waist, but he wasn’t touching you again yet. Which, honestly, you were grateful for right now because you had no idea what the fuck was going on.

When you made no attempt to speak, his eyes widened. “I can explain-”

“That would be a good idea,” you responded, trying to keep your tone under control because you really, really did not want to fight with him again. You’d been beating yourself up over how you treated him the last time you saw him, and the idea of pushing him away even more hurt your chest.

He sighed, the sound almost coming out shaky. “I just- I wanted to fix things. I know what you said about what happened between us, and that it didn’t mean anything,” hearing your owns words coming from him hurt more than you thought it would.

He looked into your eyes now, taking your hands into his own, rubbing gentle circles onto the backs of them with his thumbs. “But I know that’s not true. We’ve been so close for so long now, I can tell when you’re fighting something, especially when you fight your own feelings.”

You could feel yourself tearing up at his words, and is if on cue, he reached up and brushed his thumb across your cheekbone, catching a tear that hadn’t quite fallen yet.

“I know you’re scared,” his voice was soft, soothing. “Y/N, I’m scared, too. Fuck, I’m so scared of doing something wrong, so terrified of hurting you.” He cupped your face in his hand, making you instinctively lean into his touch.

“Jungkook, I just don’t know…” you trailed off with a sigh. And you were telling the truth: you didn’t know. You didn’t know why you were feeling this way. You knew that you loved him, that you would do anything for him, and that you never wanted to hurt him.

So why was this so difficult?

His eyes held yours and suddenly he looked more determined. “You may not know right now, and that’s ok. But,” he added as he leaned his forehead against yours, “I know.”

You held your breath while you waited for him to continue.

“I know that I’ve loved you for a long time. And not just as your best friend, but I’ve loved you for the person you are. The way you laugh, the way you smile, every little thing about you is something that I adore.”

Every word that fell from his lips made the feeling in your chest more overpowering, to the point where you felt like you may burst. Jungkook was confessing to you. Something you’d only ever considered would happen in another lifetime, something you’d wanted to hear for so long.

But you convinced yourself a long time ago that it would never happen, and that’s why you’d pushed him away.

Jungkook sighed after a few moments of silence, pulling away from you and giving you a sad, small smile. “It’s ok if you don’t feel the same, I understand.”

He couldn’t be any further from the truth. You loved him with everything you had, and you wanted to show him. No more holding back, no more fighting feelings. The only thing that mattered right now was Jungkook and that you were here with him.

You knew you had to act fast, or else he may try to leave and you didn’t know what would happen after that. He was looking down so when you suddenly moved to hold his face in your hands, his eyes widened with surprise.

You kissed him with all the sincerity you could muster, hoping he could feel how much you loved him with the way your lips were moving against his. His arms wound around your waist as he pulled you closer, deepening the kiss and letting out a content sigh.

You pulled back for a moment to catch your breath. “I love you, too.” You felt him smile against your lips, but before he could kiss you again, you pulled back more.

“I love you even if you pretend to be a stripper and have me blindfolded to where I can’t tell it’s you.” His laughter made you smile, your chest feeling warm upon hearing that sweet sound.

“Jeon Jungkook, honesty what the fuck were you-” he cut you off by kissing you again, the kiss soft at first but quickly turning intense when he bit down on your bottom lip, swallowing a small moan from you.

“I promise I’ll explain later,” he started mouthing at your neck, your hands instinctively finding purchase in his hair. “For now, though, how about you let me do my job and take care of you, hm? Babygirl,” he added the last part as he thrusted upward to meet you again, the feeling still enough to overwhelm you since it hadn’t been that long.

“Fuck, I love it when you call me that,” your eyes closed as he stated to mark your neck, no longer holding back. He chuckled and you felt the vibration against your skin.

“I can tell,” he added, moving his hands up and down your sides as he continued rolling his hips forward. You wanted to wipe that cocky smirk off his face, so you met his thrusts with one of your own, pushing down hard enough to earn a groan from him.

“You know,” you added, “there’s probably somewhere much more comfortable where we can continue this.” He grinned at your suggestion.

“I like the sound of that. Lead the way.”

You moved to get off of his lap, but before you could do anything, he got up from the chair, picking you up at the same time and wrapping your legs around his waist. Your arms wound around his neck.

“I thought you said you wanted me to lead,” you quipped, raising your eyebrow. He gave you a quick peck on the lips.

“I just need you to tell me which bed I’m going to fuck you on, and I’ll handle the rest,” was his response, and his words had you becoming wet again at an embarrassingly fast rate.

“My bed, preferably.” He started walking to the staircase then, and you thought he may put you down, but as always, Jungkook managed to surprise you when you least expected it.

You knew he was strong. Jungkook liked to work out, he liked to stay fit. But him being able to carry you up an entire flight of stairs while mouthing at your neck, not bumping into anything along the way or missing a single stair? It had you feeling dizzy.

When the two of you reached your bedroom, Jungkook pushed you against the wall so that he could still hold you up and open the door with his free hand. The feeling of being caged between him and the wall was doing no favors for your arousal, and your panties were practically sticking to you now. You wanted them off, and soon.

You figured that it wouldn’t be much longer before you’d be getting your wish.

When the door was opened, Jungkook walked both of you through it before placing you on the bed, hovering over you as he captured your lips with his once again. You pulled him closer as his thigh parted your legs. He pressed against your core, making you gasp.

“I love you,” he said as he kissed down your neck, each kiss leaving you feeling like your skin was on fire. “Let me take care of you.”

You watched as he kept moving down until he was situated with his head between your legs, staring up at you as pulled up the skirt of your dress and played with the hem or your panties.

“Let me make you feel good,” he said in that same low tone from earlier, placing a soft kiss on the inside of your thigh. He looked at you now like he was asking for permission. You nodded, desperate for him to touch you again.

He started sliding your panties down your legs until they were around your ankles, removing them completely before tossing them over his shoulder. His eagerness made you giggle, causing him to look up at you with a smirk.

“What’s so funny, hm,” he asked, massaging your thighs but not yet providing you with any relief where you wanted it.

“Nothing, just you.” He hummed but let it be, inching closer now to your core, close enough you could feel the heat radiating off of him.

“You’re already so wet for me, babygirl.” There was that pet name again, the one that drove you insane, and you suddenly weren’t sure if you’d be making it out of this bedroom anytime soon.

“Jungkook, please,” you didn’t mean to let out a whine, but the sound that just came from you sure sounded a lot like one. Jungkook chuckled.

“As you wish,” he answered, giving your clit a quick lick that had you arching your back. He’d barely done anything yet and you were already overwhelmed.

Without a warning, he started tonguing at your entrance, moving it in and out slowly, his hands gripping your thighs to keep them apart as you were shaking.

“Fuck, Jungkook,” you called out and your hands buried themselves in his hair. You felt more-so than heard him moan.

“You taste so good,” he said before he continued, going faster now. You chanced looking down at him and the sight made you shudder.

He was staring up at you, his lips wrapped around your clit, dark hair falling somewhat into his eyes. He looked like pure sin and you wanted him to devour you. And, judging by how he seemed to be enjoying himself, it looked like that’s what he wanted to do as well.

You felt him gently prod a finger at your entrance as he started licking your clit faster. You were more than wet enough to accommodate his long fingers, but as always, he had to make sure you were ok before doing anything.

“Tell me if it hurts, ok,” he was looking up at you again, his eyes focused on your face. You smiled.

“Kook, you act like I’ve never had anything inside me before,” you joked with him. He smirked.

“Just making sure,” he said as he plunged two fingers inside of you, the motion making you breathless. His long fingers could easily reach spots you couldn’t and the pleasure had you gushing even more.

“Oh my god,” you moaned out when he curled his fingers, finding your g-spot almost immediately.

He continued licking and sucking at your clit again, now trying to match the rhythm he had going with his fingers. Your hips were starting to move so much that he had to hold them down with his unoccupied arm.

“Please don’t stop,” you begged, hands pulling on his hair again, making him groan. He went faster now, and you knew that if you didn’t stop him soon, you’d be cumming in no time.

“Jungkook, I’m gonna- if you keep doing that I’m-,” the pleasure was so intense that you were having trouble forming sentences, your warning not coming out.

He understood, though, and that just made him go faster.

“Cum for me, babygirl,” he said it breathlessly, making sure to speed up his actions enough to push you over that edge.

You shuddered violently as you came for the second time that night, a string of moans and Jugnkook’s name leaving your lips as you rode out your high with his fingers still inside of you.

Once you started to calm down, he carefully pulled his fingers out and you watched as he sucked the fingers into his mouth before he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, coming back up to kiss you again. You could feel how hard he was as he was pressed against your thigh.

“It’s my turn to take care of you now,” you told him in a soft tone right by his ear, cupping him and being rewarded with a moan as you did.

He leaned up to take off his shirt, your hands going to work removing his jeans. When he had shed all of his clothing, he pulled your dress off as well, taking care to not hurt you in the process, despite his eagerness to see you naked before him once more.

He was sitting on his haunches now in front of you, pushing his hair out of his face as he looked down at you. You couldn’t help but moan as you looked at him.

He wasn’t just looking at you with lust, however; he was looking at you with so much love that you felt a warmth spread throughout your whole body.

“Come here,” you opened your arms, “please. Need to feel you,” you added and he smiled. He moved closer then, stroking himself, his cock leaking precum as he rubbed the head against your still soaked folds.

You both knew that you were on the pill and that you both were always safe with any previous sexual partners you’d had, so you had no qualms with him being inside of you unprotected and neither did he.  

You always told yourself that this type of sex was something you wanted to experience the first time with someone you truly loved, and it looked like now was the time.

He pulled you further down the bed so he could line himself up with your entrance, just barely pushing in. He looked at you and it seemed like he was holding back.

“Y/N,” he breathed out, “I need you to tell me if it hurts, ok? I’m gonna go in slow-“

“Jungkook, it’s fine,” you encouraged him. You knew he was big – you remembered from when you’d taken him in your mouth that night – so you were aware of what you were in for. “I promise I’ll let you know.”

You ran your hand lovingly over his tattoos that extended from his shoulder all the way down his arm and over his hand as he readjusted his grip on your thigh. You gave him a nod and it seemed to be the last bit of encouragement he needed.

He pushed in and all but knocked the breath out of you. You weren’t sure when the last time you’d had something, or someone, so big inside of you – and you realized the answer may have actually been never.

He was stretching you out in a way that faintly hurt due to overstimulation from you having cum recently, but the look on his face and the sounds he was making made you forget all about that. His lips were parted, eyes half-lidded as he looked down at you. He licked his lips as he pushed in further, letting out a strained moan.

“You’re so tight, fuck,” he groaned as he finally bottomed out. His eyes were closed now and he didn’t make any attempt to move, probably so you could adjust to his size, but you wanted to tease him a little. You clenched around him and felt him twitch inside you.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he hung his head, hair falling into his eyes again. “Shit, don’t do that or I’m really gonna have a hard time holding back.”

“Then don’t,” you told him, clenching around him again. His grip on your thighs tightened.

He opened his eyes again and was looking at you know, his stare intense. You knew you were in for it now.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he growled, suddenly pulling out and slamming back into you with a force that had you shifting up the bed. Each thrust left you gasping, unable to form any sounds as the pleasure washed over you at a degree you’d never felt before.

“You feel so good around me,” Jungkook moaned out, his pace increasing as he kept pounding into you. He pushed your knees up to your chest so he could get closer to you, the new angle leaving you a moaning, panting mess beneath him.

He was close enough to you now that you could wrap your arms around him, your nails digging into his shoulder blades every few thrusts as the pleasure intensified. He was panting by your ear now, saying your name so sweetly, making you clench around him each time.

You could feel the familiar heat building up in your stomach again, albeit not as strong as before since you’d already cum a few times tonight, but it was still strong enough. It seemed like Jungkook was getting close now, too, and you wanted to help him over that edge.

As he felt your walls tightening around him, he leaned his head back, cursing before coming down to kiss you harshly. He was moaning into your mouth now, and you were swallowing almost every beautiful sound he made.

“I won’t last much longer,” he panted out, his kisses and thrusts becoming more sloppy.

“Me too, baby, me too,” you pulled him impossibly closer, wanting to feel him as much as you could. You saw as his brows furrowed together and listened as his moans started becoming louder and more frequent.

You had a thought then, and you figured now would be the best time to act on it. You took one of his hands and placed it around your neck. Jungkook looked down at you and you felt him twitch inside you.

“Y/N,” he moaned out, squeezing slightly, the pressure making your high start to approach much faster than before.

“You’re always so good for me,” he continued, praising you as he leaned down to kiss you and squeezed again. He was so careful, always applying the same amount of pressure, never too much. You could breathe easily, but just the feeling of his hand there was enough to push you over the edge for the third time.

“Jungkook,” you cried out, your orgasm less violent than before, but the feeling was different now, somewhat still heightened since he was inside of you. Your walls clenched around him hard, making him let out a long, loud moan. He moved his hands now to grip the bed sheets so he had some way to ground himself as he was coming undone.

“Y/N, fuck, I’m gonna cum, I love you so much, I-,” you cut him off as you pulled him into a kiss, one that you filled with as much love and passion as you could. He kept moaning as he continued his now uncoordinated thrusts, once, twice, three more times before he twitched inside of you and you felt him fill you up, cumming inside you with a loud groan.

He was breathing heavily, his forehead pressed against your shoulder, eyes closed as he came down from his high. You were rubbing his back and placing kisses on his temple, feeling as he softened inside of you but made no attempt to pull out just yet.

“Well,” you started to say, “that was nice.”  You felt him chuckle against your shoulder.

“Just nice, huh,” he asked as he was still laying on top of you, leaning up on his elbows now so he wouldn’t crush you under his weight.

“Hmmm,” you pretended to ponder about it. Jungkook feigned hurt and the look on his face made you laugh.

“You made me cum 3 times in the span of like an hour. I’d say that’s pretty good.”

It was his turn to laugh. “Trust me, babygirl, I can do way better than that.”

The suggestion had you slightly throbbing again upon hearing it, but you knew you were done for right now. Perhaps in the future you could go for longer rounds without needing a break, but right now you just wanted to stay like this with Jungkook.

“I’m sure you can,” you agreed as you captured his lips in a gentle kiss. You felt him sigh against you, sounding completely content.

He grunted as he pulled away. “As much as I’d hate to move right now, we should probably get cleaned up. How does a nice, warm shower sound?” You nodded and he pulled out carefully, leaving you feeling slightly empty now that he was no longer inside of you.

He got off the bed first, legs somewhat wobbly from what you could tell, but he was probably in much better shape than you were. You actually dreaded getting up because you weren’t sure how well you’d be able to walk-

You didn’t have to think about it very long, though, before Jungkook was scooping you up and carrying you bridal style towards your bathroom. The gesture wasn’t grand or anything, but it made you fall even more for him.

You were so, so in love with him. And there was no use in denying it anymore.

During your shower, you both took turns cleaning each other off, sharing passionate kisses whenever you’d be facing each other. You ended up just staying under the water wrapped in each other’s arms for most of the shower, but you both eventually decided to get out when the water started to get cold.

Jungkook helped you dry your hair with a towel, his lips slightly parted as he focused on drying it carefully. As you looked up at him and saw his face full of concentration, you felt that familiar warm feeling blossom throughout your chest. It was a feeling you’d felt for quite some time now, whenever you’d catch him doing something endearing.

Once you both were clean and dried off, you settled back into the bed, you opting for one of his t-shirts and him in a pair of sweatpants. It was later in the evening than you thought it was, and you suddenly realized how tired you’d become.

Jungkook was lying on his back and you placed your head on his chest, his arm wrapping around you to pull you close. He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, looking down at you as you sighed comfortably.

“Hey,” he said softly. You peered up at him sleepily, making him smile. “We don’t have to get into it now, but-“

He trailed off, seeming somewhat troubled. You figured it was probably because of what happened the last time you two slept together.

Except then, all these mutual feelings weren’t out in the open like they were now. You leaned up to kiss him, hoping to assuage his worries as much as possible for the time being.

“I love you,” you told him, not missing how his arm that was wrapped around you pulled you even closer. “And I know you love me. I think that’s all we need to know right now.”

Your answer seemed to help somewhat, but it looked like it wasn’t quite what he was looking for since his brows were still slightly furrowed.

“I know that, I guess I’m just worried about what happens now,” he said quietly as he rested his cheek on top of your head.

“Well,” you pulled back so you could look him in the eyes. “I figured maybe we’d date or something.”

Your answer took him off guard and the look on his face was too laughable you couldn’t help but giggle. A second later he broke out into a huge grin.

“Wait, are you serious,” he asked, his tone excited. You nodded and he pulled you into a kiss, hugging you tightly.

“God, I’ve waited so long for this,” he added, pulling away to leave a peck on your nose. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.”

“Honestly, me too,” you added, giggling again when he brushed his nose against yours.

Before you got comfortable laying on his chest again, there was still something your were curious about. You folded your hands together and laid them on his chest, resting your chin on top of them as you searched his face. He was still beaming and the sight had your stomach feeling fluttery.

“So, this whole stripper plan. Explain.”

He looked taken aback and averted his eyes, only to have you turn his face toward you again.

He sighed. “I asked your roommate if she had any idea how I could fix things. It was mainly her idea, but the blindfold thing was something I suggested because I knew it’d probably be best if you couldn’t see me- which now in hindsight sounds stupid,” he finished with a groan.

You laughed. “You’re both idiots, but I love you anyway.”

“Hey!” Jungkook tickled your sides, making you squirm in his hold. “We should at least get points for creativity.”

“Fine, I guess I can give you that,” you finally relented as you laid your head on his chest again. You could hear his heartbeat, slow and rhythmic, also soothing. “Where’d you learn to dance like that, though? You certainly felt like you knew what you were doing, even if I couldn’t see you.”

Jungkook’s laugh was like music to your ears as he rubbed your back. “You know those dance classes I took as electives in college? I learned a lot more than you think.”

“Ooh, interesting. Perhaps you can show me some time,” you peered up at him again, your eyes half-closed from being sleepy, “and not under the guise that you’re a stripper.”

“You got a deal, babygirl,” he said softly, giving you one last kiss before you placed your head on his chest again. You fell asleep listening to his heartbeat, the sound lulling you into the most peaceful sleep you’d had in weeks. His arms were wrapped around you protectively, making you feel safe. You knew the road ahead might not be easy, but you had your best friend – the man you loved more than anything else in the world – by your side. You knew that in the end, that would make it all worth it.

[sandbees]

Child! Yuu: Heartslybul

So I was planning to write a full on plot idea for All the chapters, then I look at the chapters themselves and...yeah that’s going to drain a lot out of me. So instead I’m going to write what each dorm will think of Child Yuu and general headcannons about it.

Ace:

The older brother that Yuu looks up to.

When they first met, Ace was ragging on Grim. He didn’t say anything too mean to Yuu, though. That’s because of his inability to make kids cry.

Really, who makes a 10 year old cry? (Looks at the overblots)

I think Ace would act as the brother Yuu would look up to because he acts all cool around them.

He’d definitely teach Yuu some card tricks he learned from his family.

He treats them like a little sibling. (He’s always wanted a little sibling actually, to tease and joke with)

Yuu has smacked him 100% for being stupid (“Even I know not to make deals with shady fish men. Big brothers, why?”)

Look me in the eyes and tell me Ace doesn’t praise Yuu for causing trouble. Look me in the eyes and tell me.

I mean he’d probably lightly scold them but still.

If anyone makes Yuu cry? Guess they’re going to be thrown back in a gust of wind, with a lot of insulting words to boot. No one messes with Yuu.

When Yuu called Ace “big brother”, he smiled widely, and proceeded to act all smug about it (but he’s really happy that Yuu calls him a big brother)

Deuce:

Deuce is trying his best to be a good big brother.

He has no idea how to be a brother, he’s never had a younger sibling - or a sibling in general.

He’s going to try extra hard to be an honor student; he doesn’t want Yuu to grow up like him! He has to be Yuu’s role model!

Yuu wants Deuce to use magic to lift them up like he did with Ace. Deuce says no.

Low key scared that he’s going to scare Yuu if he goes into his “bad boy mode”

“Those poor chicks...” “...NOOOO THE CHICKS D:”

Ace explains to both of them that the eggs they have aren’t fertilized and never had chicks in them - it’s a chick shock x2

Yuu is softer to Deuce if he does something stupid, but will still scold him.

Both Deuce and Yuu are the excitement duo; they will be excited for anything and will be very hyped up about it.

Deuce is Yuu’s favorite brother (but they don’t say anything because it might make the others jealous)

Deuce summoned a cauldron by accident once, and Yuu climbed in and played peek-a-boo until it was...unsummoned? (I have no idea what happens to the cauldrons summoned by Deuce.)

When Yuu called Deuce “big brother”, Deuce was very flattered. “Big brother? You think of me as your brother? Well, I’ll be your best brother in the world!”

Cater:

So I imagine Cater taking a lot of cute pictures of Yuu.

He’s posted some photos of you on his Magicam and his fans love you.

He totally shows Yuu all of his cute animal photos he’s collected over the years if they asked.

Cater has two big sisters, so he knows the ins and outs of how to be a good sibling.

I can see Cater swapping foods with Yuu - he gives Yuu any sweet food in exchange for some salty food

Yuu doesn’t complain because they like the sweets Cater gives them

But sometimes it becomes a full on debate/trade deal that they take way to seriously.

“What about if I give you this, and you give me this?” “Never! That’s my favorite part, what about this?” “Hmm...I rather do like that...but what if I sweeten the deal and add this!” “....Clever, clever brother.”

Small photo shoots, Yuu is happy to hang out with him!

I think if Yuu ever wanted to wear a Heartslybul outfit Cater would be the one to help find one that suits Yuu (Trey would be the one to tailor it to make it fit better)

Yuu calls Cater “Cay-kun” whenever they want something from him, and he can never say no.

Yuu can always rely on Cater for any troubles they may have.

“Yuu~! Smile for the camera!” “Ok! :D” “I’m saving your smile forever.”

When Yuu first called Cater “big brother”, he laughed and went over to take a photo to celebrate a new sibling bond. (#gotayoungersibling #arenttheysocute? #newbigbrother)

Cater will live up to his big brother role, after all, as Yuu’s new big brother he has to take care of Yuu, no?

Trey:

Yuu thinks of Trey as a big brother and also the best parent.

Would buy Trey a #1 Dad mug if Yuu didn’t also see Crowley as their dad (sorry Trey...but your Yuu’s favorite 3rd year if that helps-)

When they first met, Yuu just got big brother vibes from Trey. Immediately went to hug him.

“You have big brother vibes and I vibe with that.” “What?” “It means Yuu likes you.”

Trey goes full big brother mode whenever Yuu is around. No one with ill intent (who has malicious thoughts about a child?) would think of approaching due to Trey being around.

He definitely spoils Yuu with any treats he bakes (though not too much - they’d get a stomach ache if they ate too many sweets!)

He’s totally the reason why Yuu went on a Sugar Rush around the school (luckily, nothing of value was broken)

I mean, he has a little sister and younger brothers so he knows how to deal with Yuu being hyperactive.

So the damage of the Sugar Rush incident was less destructive than it would have been.

If Yuu is sad, they can rely on Trey to be a shoulder to cry on. He’s very good at listening to their problems.

When Yuu calls him “big brother”, Trey carries the title with pride. Yuu also uses this as an advantage; call Trey big brother? He’s more willing to hear out whatever Yuu is asking more.

Riddle:

Riddle, Riddle, Riddle.

How do I put this? He made Yuu cry.

Yeah, not the best first impression.

During the Unbirthday party, when Riddle knocked the tart off it’s plate, Yuu is quick to defend Ace. Riddle retaliated with yelling at Yuu.

And Yuu (in my canon) does not take people angrily yelling at them well, which makes them panic and cry.

Cater and Trey didn’t have to force them out - Deuce and Ace left as soon as Yuu burst into tears and ran. (As good brothers, the duo went to go and comfort Yuu)

Riddle, for what is was worth, suddenly had a flashback of when he ran away in tears when he was young. He tried to convince his mother to have a tart, and she scolded him to tears.

He feels like an jerk now. A big, mean jerk.

After the overblot business, he didn’t expect a lot of forgiveness. Which is why he was surprised when Yuu walks over and hugs him when he was conscious.

Riddle: Wh...Why are you hugging me? Why do you think I deserve this?

Yuu: Because you look like you needed a hug. I forgive you for earlier, you had your reasons, as much as I disagree with them.

Yuu: You’re fine now! I hope I can help you make amends with Heartslybul big brother! :D

From that moment on, Riddle became Yuu’s big brother.

It was a really sweet moment, and no one dared intervene (well, Grim tried to but Crowley held him back)

As a big brother, Riddle is very overprotective. Be around Yuu in a way he deems “inappropriate” and “as a bad influence”, expect him to go “OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!”

Despite that, Riddle is particularly soft with Yuu.

If Yuu broke a rule, he’d softly scold them, but he did it in a way that was like a soft reminder and not like a lecture.

He’s never had a younger sibling before so he’s asking Trey for tips to be a good older brother.

I’d like to think Riddle teaches Yuu proper tea etiquette whenever they come over for Unbirthdays

Both share a love for sweets, so they tend to share/exchange sweets during lunch

[kitsunefyuu]

Hi!!! I hope not to bother you but I wanted to ask your opinion about these last chapters since Midoriya's return. Personally, these last moments seemed very interesting to me and have the potential to turn the fight between Izuku and Tomura into something much deeper, because we still don't know how the confrontation between them is going to develop, the fight is inevitable considering that Tomura has no total control of his body and AFO is largely the one who took control in these last chapters.

I also enjoyed how Horikoshi used two characters more central to Midoriya's conflict over others, Uraraka her talk with was the first time where Izuku spoke about Tomura. Horikoshi raised a nice talk between both who are afflicted by the same feelings and gave mutual support, since although class A is united, none is really thinking in the same way as Izuku and Ochako, although perhaps it would have been good to have Todoroki, still Shoto's conflict continues to be taken to a family level, he has referred to Dabi as the sin of his family, for which Iida would like to support him isn't out of place and Kirishima and Bakugou doesn't affect because at the end of the day there is no emotional bond between them, so Bakugou isn't interested in Shoto looking to save Dabi or not, this didn't happen when we talk about Midoriya where Bakugou doesn't want to or at least he still wouldn't be able to understand Midoriya's thoughts. On the other hand, we have Mirio, honestly I would have liked that after Eri, both characters had more interactions especially because in these last chapters we can get to see why Mirio could have been a possible successor. So far only Izuku and Mirio have been able to see or interact with Tenko, Izuku during the war was able to see him and Mirio was able to feel a strange presence in Tomura when he said he had no friends and upset Tenko, who is gaining more control over Tomura's body, to the point that AFO seeks to suppress him. Mirio is from heroes' side one of the few who even without knowing Midoriya's plan offered useful information. When Izuku asks if Tomura is still there, Mirio told him what he saw and this is an advantage, Mirio isn't saying that he fights no matter who is there, this for example is different with Bakugou who at the beginning of the fight he says he can't tell the difference between AFO or Tomura but in the end it doesn't matter. Mirio not only calms Midoriya but even without knowing his plan, he provides useful information for Izuku to act accordingly.

I like how Horikoshi managed certain characters to help the MC in a certain way, especially since both characters are helps in a positive way, Uraraka offers a compression that most class A can't give and Mirio offers a more human heroic side than the one we have seen in characters like Mirko, Best Jeanist or Aizawa when we talk about the villains or at least I feel it that way. I don't try to say that others heroes are bad for fighthing the villians but it's good that we saw other characters like Mirio if we consider that the plot is about how heroes saw the villians.

W-Woah this is a lot! I’ll do my best to touch on all the points you mentioned I’m actually excited thank you for this Asks! I love the enthusiasm! Ok, I have a lot of opinions on the latest chapters some great, some unsure, and some that still need to be polished.

But yes the fight is inevitable. Regardless of any theories there is no way AFO is going to give up Tomura’s body. He worked too hard and it no surprise he lie saying of course they fused. Thank goodness for Mirio to call out that lie, because clearly people can’t tell he a lying liar bastard sometimes. 

Gosh I adored that scene with Izuku and Ochako! I wish Shoto was there too because honestly those three all want to save their respective villains. Kirishima and Bakugou only seem to understand for Shoto that this is family. They might seem more unsure if it was Tomura and Toga who have no connection to them.

Izuku doesn’t trust anyone with the fact he wants to save Tomura despite the fact the man leveled a whole city. But he shared this with Ochaco and this is important level of trust.

Bakugou made it clear he didn’t care if was AFO or Tomura that he wanted to defeat him regardless. So the CONTRAST when Izuku did ask about the distinction honestly resonated a lot MORE than would have been if didn’t make that distinction. Because people aren’t realizing that most of these heinous acts are AFO, with some Tomura tantrum sprinkled in. Courtesy of Mirio saying and doing just the right thing to show the combination is shaky and not as strong as AFO lying about.

Mirio has been shooting up to top four character because of this and man I wish he showed up more too after Eri.

Best Jeanist and Aizawa..... They aren’t exactly going to see a victim they only going to see a monster or villain. It isn’t bad but it shows they have a very narrow window for Aizawa it’s the truama of losing his friend, while Jeanist is a professional who also was traumatized by AFO just instantly destroying him first encounter.

So we NEED Ochako and Mirio as if Horikoshi is saying THIS is the next generation. They both are supporting the MC in his goals despite everything seeming to be saying ‘kill’ the villain they are choosing to save. And bless them I adore it.

I need heroes actually being Heroic and truly good at heart to contrast the dark villains.

On another note I have some... Thoughts on poor Bakugou role in this war. And it not exactly pleasant with the message this is sending. Since he couldn't give a shit if Tomura a victim or not.

[waughymommy]

MOMMY KNOWS BEST ❤️

Chapter 14

Brian walked into the house and immediately burst into tears. He crumpled to floor and cried for his mommy. “Oh baby, my goodness what’s wrong?” she asked as she sat down on the floor next to him. He nuzzled his face into her chest. She held him tight, “Shhhhh, everything is ok. Mommy is here. Do you think you can calm down enough to tell me what happened?”

Between sobs, Brian tried to tell her about his day, “I I, wet my pull-up twice today and then I lost my paci, but Samantha found and gave it back to me. And then she told me I should wear thicker protection.” His speech sounded like that of an excited toddler, as his short sentences rolled one into the next, “And, and, and then I had to go to a meeting about a new client and it was Babies R Us. I got so nervous in the meeting that I tried to pee just a little bit, but but but…”. Brian wailed like a helpless child. He was so upset that he didn’t even notice that he was uncontrollably wetting his pants again. Rebecca noticed the growing wet spot on the front of his pants. She continued to act like a concerned mother, but inside she was elated. He was becoming a baby before her very eyes, “But what honey? Tell mommy what happened.”

“I, I, I…soaked my pull-up. I am so ashamed mommy, I’m becoming a baby. I don’t know how I am going to make it through work tomorrow,” he buried his head into her chest again.

“That was very of brave of you to tell me what happened. And you know what? You are just a baby. You are mommy’s special little boy. Babies have accidents. That why I put you in pull-ups this morning. But it sounds like Samantha might be right. We might need to send you in something a little thicker tomorrow. Although you are just a baby, just imagine that when you are at work, you are pretending to be a big boy and doing all the things big boys do. But when you get home, you won’t have to pretend anymore. Mommy knows its hard being a big boy. Now, I see a very wet little boy who is desperate need of a change,” she said lifting up off the floor.

Brian let her guide him back to the bedroom. He descended into a haze again, but he knew that mommy would make everything better. She laid out a changing mat on the bed and beckoned him over. She unbuckled his belt and undid his pants, “Ok step out these for me.” Brian stuck his thumb in his mouth and followed her directions. After taking off his pants, she pulled off his soaking wet onesie. “Lay down on the changing bad for me. Oh my goodness you are soaked. You really went pee-pee,” she said as she tickled his belly. Brian giggled behind his thumb. She tore off the pull-up and wiped him down with some wipes. You know what, I think we should get you into a bath. Won’t that be nice?” she cooed at him.

She led him off into the bathroom and set his naked butt on the toilet seat, his thumb never leaving his mouth. “Now you sit here like a good boy, while I start your bath.” Brian just nodded, content to let her do everything for him. She drew he bath and added some bubbles. “Ok, hop in.” Brian sat down, the water barely coming up over his crotch, but he didn’t mind. The bubbles smelled nice and it was fun to splash. “Brian, I got you something for bath time,” she said excitedly and produced a big rubber ducky. His eyes lit up. In the past, his adult brain prevented him from truly enjoying his toys, but this felt different. He was genuinely excited about the rubber ducky. “Can you tell me what sound a duck makes?” Rebecca asked as she kneeled down next to the tub.

“Qwack,” Brian chirped.

“That’s right!”she cheered. “Now you play with that while mommy cleans you up.” Brian moved his ducky through the water and splashed about, making all kinds of silly little sounds. Rebecca smiled and laughed at her silly little boy, “Mommy is so very happy to see you playing and enjoying yourself. Isn’t that so much better than worrying about all those scary big boy things?”

Brian fervently nodded his head and went back to playing. Rebecca grapped a wash cloth and started washing him all over. He bristled a little when she washed his face and behind his ears. “Can you stand up, mommy needs to wash that pee-pee and your cute little butt.” Brian did as he was told. She rubbed the washcloth over his crotch and his bottom. Brian’s thumb returned to his mouth and she washed him up. Two days ok, if she had done this, he would have been overcome with shame and embarrassment, but in this moment it felt right. He had not a care in the world. “Ok its time to hop out now.”

“But mommy, I don’t wanna. I was having fun with ducky,” he whined.

���I know sweetheart and I’m so glad that you are having fun, but mommy still has to make dinner. And I know a big baby that needs to get his diaper on. We don’t want you peeing all over the floor,” she guided him out of the tub and dried him off. Hand in hand, the two returned to the bedroom where she diapered him and dressed him in another onesie. She clipped on a different pacifier than he was used to and he made a face at Rebecca. “Mommy has already started getting my baby lots of stuff.” Brian didn’t respond, but simply popped the pacifier in his mouth. In just a matter of two days, Brian was growing more and more dependent on his pacifier. It soothed him. He recalled his mother saying that he had a hard time letting go of it when he was a toddler.

After he was diapered and dressed, she led back to the den and laid him down on the couch like she had done the previous evening. She went to the kitchen and retuned with a bottle of milk and then placed the headphones over his ears. “Remember, this music helps you relax and be the best baby you can for mommy,” she whispered and then kissed his forehead. Brian began to nurse the bottle and in a few moments his eyes closed. When she was certain that he was content, she went to the kitchen to make dinner. But before she started cooking, she pulled out her phone. She scrolled through her contacts. She and Brian had gone out for drinks with Samantha on a few occasions. Although she didn’t know her well, they got along well. There was something about her she knew she could trust. She found her number and sent her a message: We need to talk.

[amjustagirl]

Hogwarts AU (Haikyuu!)

feat. Tsukkishima Kei 

requested for by @animestheticz (hope you enjoy it bb!) 

Previously:

Miya Atsumu. Miya Osamu. Kita Shinsuke. Kuroo Tetsuro.

Masterlist link here

Warnings: Tooth-rotting fluff

Wordcount: 2k

Genre / Pairings: Fluff, Hogwarts AU, Tsukkishima / Reader

A/N: Any other characters you’d like to see? Send me an ask! 

(happy to do any characters other than Kenma / Hinata / Tendo - I don’t trust myself to do them justice!)

Oh and this is just shameless advertisement for my other fic - but I’m also writing a multi chapter fic based off Your Name / Kimi No Nawa featuring Akaashi Keiji (i.e. a bodyswap AU featuring our favourite Tokyo pretty boy). Check it out here!

——————————————————————

“P-please? Just this once?’ Yachi begs, fingers gripping your sleeve like a vice. 

You’re sorely tempted to refuse her ridiculous request, but you can’t bring yourself to. This is Yachi Hitoka, your best friend, though currently she’s a nervous wreck fretting over her first date with Yamaguchi Tadashi. The sweet, freckled Hufflepuff chaser has finally worked up the courage to act on his painfully obvious crush on Yachi - both veritable balls of sunshine, so sweet and anxious and caring that you can’t imagine a better match. 

So you don’t understand why on earth you’re being asked to tag along on a double date with one Tsukkishima Kei. 

It’s not that you dislike the guy – far from it. You’ve had a crush on him yourself ever since Yachi started hanging around Yamaguchi in your third year, sucking you and Tsukkishima have been sucked into their orbit, reluctant moons revolving around twin suns. But you’ve tucked it away since Tsukkishima doesn’t seem to have an interest in anyone at all – in fact, half the time his snarky replies and cold silences make you think he barely tolerates Yamaguchi as a friend, let alone yourself. 

Still, refusing Yachi is tantamount to kicking an injured puppy, so you swallow your reservations and agree. 

‘Thank you!’ Yachi cheers. ‘We’ll have fun, I promise!’ 

-----------------------------------------

It’s summer, and your blouse is sticking to your back as you dash through Diagon Alley. Tsukkishima and Yamaguchi are already waiting in front of Flourish & Botts, the former barely even granting you a nod, though he does give you the courtesy of removing his headphones, while Yamaguchi bounces on the balls of his feet to greet you cheerfully. 

‘Woah there Yamaguchi – keep your enthusiasm for your date’, you joke, and he grins back at you.  And he does – stuttering and blushing as Yachi arrives. Yachi herself is no better – you swear you can hear her teeth chatter as she greets all of you, though she beams when Yamaguchi presents her with a small posy of flowers with clammy hands. 

‘They’re cute’, you remark to Tsukkishima as you walk beside him on the way to the first stop -  Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. 

‘Mm’, he responds, his face blank. 

You know he doesn’t suffer fools – worse still, talkative ones, so you fall silent until you reach the ice cream store. To your surprise, he pulls the chair out for you, and accepts your offer to share a cup of ice cream with you, a tilt to his lips when you automatically order a strawberry shortcake sundae – it’s his favourite after all. 

Yachi and Yamaguchi seem to have gotten over their initial shyness, chatting up a storm in their own little world. You’re excluded, as you expected, but you’re glad for their sakes. 

‘Excited about the last year of school?’ 

You glance up from your melting sundae, surprised that Tsukkishima is the first to break and initiate a conversation. From your interactions with him, he’s deliberate and methodical in his thoughts and words, so you take a few beats to formulate a response. 

‘Yes and no, really’, you answer honestly. 

He raises a thin blonde eyebrow, wordlessly beckoning you to elaborate. 

‘I’m excited for our classes, the syllabus seems really interesting this year’, you say, wincing at how desperately nerdy you sound – but you’re a hopeless Ravenclaw, and advanced Arithmancy and Astronomy excites you. ‘But it’s scary isn’t it – knowing that it’s our last year, and having to make all those important decisions that are going to affect us, years down the road?’ 

He hums thoughtfully. ‘I get that’, he responds, hands steepled under his chin. ‘I’m deciding between doing further studies in magical history and going pro – just for a few more years. But I know no matter what decision I end up making, I’ll probably end up second guessing myself’. 

‘Why can’t you do both?’ you find yourself saying before you can stop yourself. His brow furrows a notch. ‘You’re great at both, and I can’t see why you can’t as long as you put your mind to it’. 

You cringe at your cheesiness, expecting him to snark at you for your Hufflepuff-like optimism the way he does with Yamaguchi, but you’re surprised once again when he mutters a quiet ‘thanks’, a flush high in his cheeks, and then asks -  ‘And what about you?’ 

You wonder if he’s merely being polite, but his tone is serious, and his eyes are intently focused on you, so you tell him about your plans of taking on further studies in Arithmancy, perhaps even enroll in a Muggle university to study Mathematics for a semester or two, before working in Gringotts. The goblins may be archaic in their beliefs about the magical world, but their application of mathematics is extremely advanced. 

‘It suits you’, he comments. You want to ask him what he means by that, but Yachi pipes up from across the table.  

‘If you’re done with your ice cream, do you guys want to check out the magical menagerie? Yamaguchi’s going to get a cat!’ 

Before you can agree, Tsukkishima tells Yachi and Yamaguchi to go on ahead, drolly reminding them that they’re on a date, and they should go spend some quality time together. So they head off with wide smiles, shoulders bumping. They’re so sweet together it almost makes your teeth ache. Well, at least you’ve been dismissed as their reluctant chaperone, and you’re about to wish Tsukkishima a polite farewell when he taps your shoulder. 

‘Let’s go check out Flourish & Botts. I’m sure you have books you want to check out’. 

You blink – because you do, but you don’t expect Tsukkishima to accompany you, let alone be the one seeking out your company. He doesn’t even wait for your assent before he sets off, and you have to jog to keep up with the pace his long legs set. Thankfully, he notices you’re still lagging behind and slows down, though he teases dryly – ‘you know, at the rate you’re walking, I’m not sure we’ll get there before sundown’. 

You pointedly look up at the sun, still high in the sky, before levelling an unimpressed glare at him. He only smirks in response – and you’re so flustered by how attractive his expression is that you nearly trip over the threshold to Flourish & Botts. He catches you with a steady hand to your elbow – and now your heart is fluttering – is this how Yachi is like all the time? If so, you should really cut her some slack – the thoughts crowding your mind so distracting that you hardly hear Tsukkishima call your name in concern until he shakes your shoulder gently. 

‘Are you alright?’ Tsukkishima repeats, with a frown. 

‘Y-yes’, you reply, cursing your traitorous heart again. He doesn’t look like he believes you, insistently pushing you towards an empty couch. 

He clicks his tongue. ‘Don’t move’ he orders, before he disappears, probably to get the books he has his eyes on.  

You sink into the cushions, resisting the urge to bury your face in your hands in embarrassment. An hour spent in his presence and you’ve already turned back into a lovesick fool. You’ve told yourself countless times to just get over your silly crush on him already because it’s not going to do you any good. 

Yamaguchi’s complained to you and Yachi countless times about girls asking him if Tsukkishima is single, but you don’t see him taking an interest in anyone at all – spending all his time instead in the library and on the Quidditch pitch. 

He’s the stone faced beater from Ravenclaw. People wonder sometimes if ice flows in his veins – but they don’t see the determined set of his jaw when he’s ploughing through homework and assignments because he knows he’s going to have to spend the whole day in training the next day, the glint of satisfaction in his eyes whenever he wins a match or scores a good grade, the patience he expends tutoring Yamaguchi (along with Hinata and Kageyama) in Ancient Runes – 

Oh Merlin. You’re a hopeless case. 

 You jump when he returns and drops into a seat beside you. 

‘Oi, what’s wrong with you’, he mutters a tad scornfully, though he drops the book you were eyeing onto your lap. 

‘N-nothing. T-thanks!’ you answer, internally cursing yourself for even picking up Yachi’s speech patterns. 

Get it together. You’re not a fool. 

He hums, browsing his own book. 

It’s pleasant spending an afternoon in a nook reading books. It’s not so pleasant when your heart palpitates every single time his knee grazes yours - and if you shift just a tiny bit to the left you’re pressing against his side and - oh 

‘Are you sure you’re ok?’ he asks, frowning again, when he notices you’ve been reading the same page for the past fifteen minutes. 

‘F-fine’, you stammer, warmth flooding your cheeks when he leans his face dangerously close to yours, bringing his palm to brush against your forehead. 

‘Your temperature’s fine’, he mutters, but he doesn’t pull away – and oh gosh, you’re so close you can count every single lash on his eyes, your traitorous heart causing you to drown in the quiet concern in his eyes – and oh - 

You’re not quite sure who makes the first move because your eyes flutter close, your nose bumps against his and you feel his chapped lips against yours for a split second before he pulls away. 

You open your eyes. 

Did that truly happen? 

Judging from the blank expression on his face, the past few seconds were probably just a fever dream. But there are signs that cool, quiet Tsukkishima isn’t his usual self - a flush creeping up the back of his neck, his fingers gripping the pages of the book so tightly it starts to crinkle.  

‘What was that?’ you blurt out, confused. 

‘What was what?’ Though his voice remains calm and collected, his flush has traveled all the way to the very tips of his ears. 

‘Nothing’, you answer, dropping your eyes back to the open book on your lap, your mind in a whirl. Surely you didn’t imagine that, right? Did you just - did he just - wait, you’re confused again, what’s going on? 

Your thoughts are interrupted by elegant, long fingers slotting between your own. ‘Silly’ he mutters, but there’s a fond twist to his lips and a softness in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. 

‘I’m pretty sure I’m not the only silly one here’, you respond, in a sudden swell of confidence, though your pulse is sending tremors down your spine, your breath catching in your throat. ‘I’m pretty sure you’re the silly one too’. You curl your fingers over his and lean into his side. 

He hums diffidently. ‘I guess it might seem that way’. 

You both share a shy smile. 

-----------------------------------------

Yachi is smug when you confess to her later that Tsukkishima - no - Kei asked you out as he walked you home that evening. 

‘I told you that we’d have fun!’, she says, grinning cheek to cheek. Then she starts rambling on and on about future double dates with her and Yamaguchi in Madame Puddifoots, where you can share couple sundaes and steaming mugs of hot chocolate - wouldn’t that be wonderful? 

You resist the urge to tell her that Kei has sworn off any future double dates - let alone at the white and pink lace bedazzled monstrosity of a cafe, and his suggestion of a quiet afternoon spent at his favourite bookshop cafe sounds far more inviting to you. 

You’ll let Yamaguchi break the news to her later, on a more appropriate date.  

Instead you just smile to yourself, thinking of the quiet affection in his voice as he wished you farewell, and the suppressed delight in his eyes when you called his name just as he was about to turn away and surprised him by pulling him down to you and pressing your lips to his cheek. 

Yachi’s right. You did have fun after all. 

[blessednereid]

Pity the Living

Daniel Sharman x Reader Series

A/N: The Much Requested, and By Requested, I mean @rogershoe wanted me to write this, MY DANIEL SHARMAN FANFICTION!!!!!! The character that Y/N plays is based on my OC for FTWD and is not an actual character in FTWD. Basic Premise of the setting for this chapter is that they're in high-school/ secondary school. But for the majority of the story(minus flashbacks) it's set in 2016/17 when s3 of FTWD was filmed.

Story Summary: When (Y/N) (L/N) reunites with a high-school friend on the set of the job she's been working on for the past 2-3 years, not only is she excited to work with the guy who inspired her to go into acting, but to hear about what he's done since she's seen him. But the more they talk, the more she realizes, this reunion is not going the way she had planned.

CW: Cursing? brief mention of alcohol, anxiety, mentions of food, fake dagger, fake blood, bets,

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Career Day

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

Most of the students around you were chorusing to the tune of your school anthem, but not you. You had heard the melody and sung it almost a million times. Whether you were exaggerating or not, not even you knew. Instead, you were whispering and laughing with one of your best friends, Daniel Sharman.

You met Daniel when you first came to the school. You didn't know many people. You didn't even know yourself in this place. It was a completely foreign experience, but he stuck by your side and showed you around.

Since then, you had made friends, joined the swim team, learned your way around the school without ending up in the boys' restrooms instead of the girls' ones. Despite not needing Daniel to show you around anymore, he still provided plenty of comedic support and pick-me-ups and was a great mate all around.

Your teacher had just finished introducing all the parents who were presenting at career day. The assignment being after the presentations were finished, you were supposed to think about what you wanted to be in the future. You had no idea what you wanted to be. But of course… Daniel did.

"An actor."

"An actor?" he nodded. "Like Macbeth?"

"No, Macbeth is a character. An actor is a person who plays the character."

"Why an actor?"

"Dunno. Just seems right."

You frowned. "Huh, that's nice. Knowing what you want to be."

"You could always try acting. It's worth a shot."

"Hah, if I ever tried acting, it would probably be when I'm old, senile, and look like Betty White."

"Oh, come on. You're a great actress!"

"What's that supposed to mean, Sharman?" you gasped.

"Just that you tell fibs and stories as if they were the truth. That's all acting is."

"I DO NOT!"

"How did you convince your mum that your dog jumped onto the table and ate the cake without making any noise last weekend, then?" You opened your mouth to speak before closing it.

"Cat got your tongue?" he teased.

"Shut up, Sharman."

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

L/N Residence

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

You and Daniel were both swimming in the pool in your backyard when Daniel asked you the question.

"Did you think about it?"

Still floating, you asked, "About what?"

"Acting."

You laughed incredulously. "You were serious?"

"Of course I was." He swam closer to you and pulled your leg down, making you flop around and splash water.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"Was just trying to get your attention," he remarked innocently.

You coughed. "You had it."

"Picture this," he waved you off. "Us, on the red carpet-"

"Who's red carpet?"

"Does it matter? We'll be each other's dates anyways."

"Why is that?" you asked.

"Because we're best friends."

"What if one of us has a boyfriend or girlfriend?"

He shrugged. "Ok, whatever. We're on the red carpet separately. It's both of ours red carpet-"

"So, does that mean we're in a movie together?"

"Yes, Y/N," he muttered exasperatedly.

"But that's impossible?"

"Why do you say that?"

You leaned closer to his ear. "BECAUSE I'M NOT BECOMING AN ACTOR."

He jumped away from you, proceeding to splash you with water.

"Mark my words. I know talent when I see it."

You sighed. "Could this just be you not wanting to be lonely in the acting world?"

He jutted his lip and spoke in a whiny voice. "Maybe…"

You laughed before splashing a giant wave of water at him. While he still had water in his eyes, you dove under and pulled him down.

He flailed around before his head popped up, and he calmed down.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"PAYBACK, SHARMAN!"

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Announcement

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

The intercom gave a heavy buzz, and static-y noises ran amok over the building before a voice actually came through the speakers.

"Hello, Teachers, Students, and Faculty. Welcome back to school. We hope that you all enjoyed your holidays and got the rest you needed to pay attention in class today," the last part was passive. Your principal gave more announcements for clubs and sports around the school, such as upcoming games or reminders for students to buy the school yearbook.

You were nodding along interested, or looking for interest really when something caught your best friend's attention.

"The school will also be hosting its first-ever play, Romeo and Juliet. Interested people should report to the music room before the end of the week to receive information."

You saw Daniel's eyes widen only moments before he spoke up. "Hey," he waved at you. "You should audition!"

"Daniel, are you insane?"

He chuckled, "No, but I think you'd like it."

You tried arguing, but he wasn't taking no for an answer. "You're the one who said you didn't know what you wanted to do after you graduated. Doing this cannot hurt."

"Yeah, it can't hurt until I trip on my costumes and break my neck!"

"That rarely ever happens," he said exasperatedly. "Ok, how about this? You audition, and if you end up getting a role and actually doing the play, I'll give you fifty pounds."

You squinted. "Do you even have fifty pounds to give me?"

"Do you even have to ask," he feigned shock in the accusation? You gave a sour face before he truthfully answered. "Fine, I don't have it now. But I will by the time the play comes around."

"What do I get just for auditioning?"

"I'll convince my mum to make that cake you like."

"Fine."

"BUT!" he exclaimed. "You have to audition for Juliet."

"You're kidding?"

He laughed. "No, I'm not. You have to audition for Juliet."

"I hate you," you mumbled before sighing a whispered 'fine.'

He gave a toothy smile. "Then we have a deal."

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Auditions

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

You reluctantly walked onto the stage, Daniel's widening grin so visible in the audience. He said that he only put his name on the audition sheet so he could watch the auditions. He would've already been gone by the time it was his turn.

"Hello, My name is Y/n L/n, and I am auditioning for Juliet," your lips pressing into a straight line after saying the sentence.

You stammered through your first few lines. "Sh-Shall I speak ill of him— that is my husband?" You said with a laugh.

"Ah," you paused and clicked your tongue. "Poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name… When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it?"

You said your following line in an accusatory manner. "But wherefore, villain... didst thou kill my cousin?" you said, though your voice squealed trying to pronounce 'didst.' "That villain cousin would have killed my husband."

"Back, foolish tears, back to your native spring!" Your voice rose and fell several octaves. "Your tributary drops belong to woe, Which you, mistaking, offer up to joy." Fake tears spring to your eyes, your voice cracked, and you began slowly falling against an invisible wall.

You looked down at your paper for what to say next. "My husband lives, that Tybalt would have slain; And Tybalt's dead, that would have slain my husband. All this is comfort; wherefore weep I then?" You wiped your cheeks dramatically.

"Some word there was, worser than Tybalt's death, That murd'red me. I would forget it fain;" your lips quivered, and you sucked in deep, heaving breaths before speaking your line.

"But O, it presses to my memory. Like damnèd guilty deeds to sinners' minds! 'Tybalt is dead, and Romeo--banishèd!" You shouted.

You stood back up in a startling jump, and with a proud smile, you said triumphantly, "And Scene!"

The directors and some students in the audience, especially Daniel, gave a round of applause before the director dismissed you.

You took the steps to the stage and sat next to Daniel as the director called the next student to audition.

"You were amazing! The director might as well have given you the role right then and there."

You laughed, "Hang on, charmer. There were a bunch of Juliet's who literally said that entire thing so… fluently. I stammered through the whole thing."

"But you showed more emotion than anyone else. You only had a week to prepare. The actual show will be like child's play."

"They want people who can memorize and recite. The emotion can be added later, but it's worth nothing if they forget their lines."

"There is such a thing called improvising for a reason," he reassured.

"Who in their right, bloody minds wants to improvise Shakespeare?"

He turned his head and chuckled before waving a five-pound note in front of your face. "Here, I got to go before they call me, but you earned this at least."

"Five pounds for being forced to audition for a stupid play so you can prove a point? Wow, you must really fancy me, huh, Sharman?" you said sarcastically.

"Goodbye, L/n," he whispered before sneaking out the back door of the auditorium.

"Alright, next up. Daniel Sharman!" The director shouted your friend's name a few more times before giving up.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Headmasters Office

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

A week after your audition, you were called to the headmasters' office. Thus is the cause of the curious looks from your classmates. Oohs and Aahs flooded your ears as you grabbed your bag and headed out the door to the front of the school.

When you got to the front of the building and went into the headmasters' office, you saw the Theatre director, Ms Parker, standing behind the desk. "Headmaster Leo allowed me to use his office to do this. Isn't that cool?"

Ms Parker was one of the younger teachers in school. She was twenty-four, and this was her first year teaching after receiving her bachelor's degree in education and a master's degree in music production. A fact she could astoundingly ramble about for fifteen minutes. As proven at the auditions.

"I didn't want to call you to the theatre room. That would be too predictable, correct?" You'd come to realize she was a very eccentric woman. "I have called you in here to inform you that you have been selected to perform in this year's play of Romeo and Juliet."

A wave of shock coursed through your body, and you were sure it reflected on your face. "Are you sure?"

"Darling, I'm positive!- your audition was totally spectacular! So brilliant-in fact- that I am completely sure in my choice to make you our female lead- Juliet!"

"What!" Your eyes widened into a blank stare. Your thoughts were running rampant in your mind. You thought that performing on the stage would be a breeze when you weren't the lead.

"Ms Parker, I didn't actually want the part of Juliet! It's just that my friend dared me to audition for Juliet! Is there no way I can get a smaller part? I'm no Juliet. The show would be ruined," you rambled.

The directors' facial expressions softened, "Darling, you are the only choice. None of the other people who auditioned can even compare to the amount of passion you produced in that audition. I am determined to have you as our Juliet."

You whimpered out an "Ok." Professors had a strange way of convincing you to do extra credit assignments or things that aren't necessary.

"We have a chemistry read for you and a few of our other choices for Romeo after school today. Do you need to contact a parent to let them know where you'll be?"

"Uh, yes, please."

After you made your call, you walked back to your classroom with shaky hands. The class period was almost over, but you had to tell Daniel that you had gotten a part in the show. Not just any part- THE PART!

You shuffled into the classroom reluctantly. All eyes were on you as every student had assumed you'd been in trouble. Either suspended, expelled, or told your parents were going to have a sit-down with the headmaster.

You took your seat next to Daniel before taking out a piece of paper and writing out a note, encompassing the words, "I got the part!"

You slid the sheet discreetly onto his desk. When he read it, his eyes widened, and he quietly moved his hands toward yours, beckoning for a high five.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

First Rehearsal

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

After the chemistry read, the role of Romeo was given to a kid named James Mercer-Allen got the part. Though it was more because the directors were starting to become tired.

The next day was the first rehearsal. Swimming season was last semester, so there was no clash in schedules with the play.

"Alright, this rehearsal is to get acquainted with the stage, your fellow actors, and directors," she insisted. "Now, let's introduce ourselves. Can our Romeo please stand up?"

James stood up and gave a brief introduction. You were called on next. You stated your name, "I was on the swim team last semester, and I'm in my thirteenth year. I hope I can do this role justice."

More students stood up to introduce themselves. The entire process took more than thirty minutes.

The next thing to happen was that the rest of the students were called to recite lines for various roles. The only parts that had been cast preliminarily were Romeo and Juliet.

You and James had sat on the wooden stools unless there was a scene going on that needed Romeo and/or Juliet.

By the end of the first rehearsal, the majority of the speaking roles were cast. You went home exhausted but not expecting the conversation that waited for you.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

The Talk

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

"We're moving?" you shouted at your parents from your seat across from them in the sitting room. "What do you mean we're moving."

"Honey, your dad got a job in the states, so we have to move," your mother argued.

"But what about school? No school will take me in the middle of the year, and it's my last year of secondary school. I don't want to spend the rest of my last year knowing nobody."

Your dad, the man of the hour, spoke up. "Dear, we're moving at the end of the year. After school ends."

"But- What about Uni?"

"You said you were taking a sabbatical year!"

"Yes, so I could intern in London!"

"Can't you intern in California?" Your mother whined.

"We're going to California? It's the furthest state?"

Your dad attempted to reassure you but failed. "Darling, it won't be that bad. Maybe you'll like it there more than you like it here!"

"I could never like anywhere more than I like it here!"

You agreed to go to your room and spent the rest of the day there. Later on, after you finished moping, you ringed up your closest friends to tell them you were moving. You did that until you were so tired you fell asleep on the phone with Sarah before you even called Daniel.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Confrontation

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

"Why am I hearing from everyone besides you that you're moving?" Daniel appeared out of thin air behind you, and the accusation was an assault on your conscience.

You could lie and tell him that you wanted to reveal that to him in person, or you could just tell him the truth- say you fell asleep. Mix-and-Match? You ended up just telling the truth. "I fell asleep when I was making some of my other calls. I was going to tell you, I swear!"

"Why didn't you call me first. I'm your best friend?"

"That's why! It was too hard. I kept putting it off and putting it off and putting it off because I didn't want to tell you, I don't want it to be true, and telling you of all people would make it feel real."

"Why can't you stay for Uni?"

"I already told my parents I was taking a gap year. I didn't apply to any colleges."

"Crap!" he sighed. "Ok, well, we're going to have to make the most of it. And! You're getting a going away party!"

"Daniel, I don't need-"

"No debate! You are getting a going away party!"

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Opening Night

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

Four months later, after all the rehearsals and memorizations of lines. After much running around the entire film department, it was finally opening night, and your nerves were shot.

You were scrambling all morning to find everything you needed. All your costumes were at the school, but you still needed to bring your black leotard, skin-coloured tights, and wear your hair in an up-do style.

You decided to do your skincare routine, but your panic got the best of you, and you forgot what every single product was used for.

Daniel came over and helped you get ready but found you practically hyperventilating.

Your parents drove you both to the theatre, and when Ms Parker told you that Daniel couldn't be backstage, you promptly told her that he was your emotional support. After much arguing, she finally let him backstage.

Around an hour before showtime, the director told Daniel that he had to go wait in the audience if he already bought his ticket or that he had to go do it now.

Before he left, he gave you a pep-talk. "Hey, so one time, I was in this play, and the idea was that I was expelled, and there was a piece of paper I had to give my 'mother,' but I lost it. So we had to improvise, but I couldn't find the paper, and I felt horrible. So just know, even if you forget your lines, you must improvise, and remember, it still probably won't compare to the embarrassment I felt that day. So you can laugh at my humiliation. "

You chuckled, "I will. Ok, go before you get in trouble."

"Ok, me, our parents and all your friends will be in the front row. I've already reserved the entire row. I brought a whole bag of jackets just for that reason!"

"You can't do that," you said in between cackles.

"For you, I'll do anything," he grinned.

A few hours later and the show was almost done. "What's here? A cup, closed in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end," you wept.

"O, churl! Drunk all and left no friendly drop to help me after? I will kiss thy lips; Haply some poison yet doth hang on them, to die with thine restorative." You leaned over James and let your hair fall to the side of your head to cover your face. You pulled back without actually kissing James.

"Thy lips are warm."

A whispery voice came from offstage, "Which way?" The cue for you to take the poison, which was actually cranberry juice.

"Yea, noise? Then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!" You grabbed the dagger and brought it near your chest. "This is thy sheath;" you drew the fake knife back three inches from your chest and stabbed it to where the bag of more cranberry juice was and punctured the bag. 'Blood' soaked through your dress. "There rust, and let me die." You fell dramatically onto the altar and waited for the scene to end as the crowd cheered.

After the show, you dashed into the crowd where your friends and family waited for you. Ovations and Applauses were passed, lauded boxes of chocolates and gorgeous roses were given.

When you got to Daniel, he practically tackled you with a hug. "I actually thought you died for a split second. The blood looked so real."

"Daniel, most people don't bleed that fast, do they?"

"I don't know but fear kicked in, and I couldn't make sense of anything."

You grinned and almost went to your parents before Daniel grabbed your arm. "You don't have a date to the Leavers ball, do you?"

"No, I don't. Why?"

He sighed. "Well, I was thinking that you could go with me. I don't have a date either."

You squinted, thinking there was some ulterior motive behind his actions. "Ok, I'll go with you if you give me the money you owe me before then."

"It's right here," he smiled.

Your face scrunched up, but you reluctantly agreed. You only had a month of school left, and you might as well spend it having fun with your friends.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

The Leavers Ball and the Getaway Party

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

You were dressed in a light blue, pleated, Mikado prom dress that cut off at mid-thigh. You had black wedges on your feet and a black pearl-beaded bracelet on your arm.

You were wearing a half-up, half-down style that framed your face and a silver necklace with a circle-shaped diamond.

You were sitting in the parlour when Daniel rang the doorbell. He was ten minutes late.

"Sorry," he said when your dad answered it. "I know I'm late. I was picking up Kat and James."

Kat and James were your and Daniel's respective friends who'd started last year after you and Daniel introduced them.

"Hi," you popped out of the shadows. "Alright, Mom, Dad, we're late, so we're just going to get goi-"

"Wait! I have to take pictures! Go get Kat and James."

"No, Mom. No pictures!"

"It's only right. I just want a few. We can take it outside."

You sighed but reluctantly caved into your mother's will.

The four of you took pictures outside of Daniel's Jeep Wrangler. You took ones with silly faces, just girls, just boys, and ones with all four of you before your parents allowed you to leave.

You were forty minutes late, and the ball was already in full swing by the time you got there.

You got on the dance floor immediately because one of your favourite songs was playing, but the DJ switched the song as soon as you found a decent spot. It was a slow song. You chuckled, and Daniel put his hands on your waist.

"Well, this is awkward."

A few minutes later, Daniel posed an interesting question.

"Did you know that I had a crush on you when you first came to school?"

"Uh, you stammered. "No, I didn't know that."

"Yeah, I did. It was short, though. Surface-level."

"Oh," you said. "Should I take offence to that?"

"What?" His eyes widened in realization with what he said. "No, that's not what I meant. You have an amazing personality. I just meant that… I just meant I like you more as a friend than to ruin that with any of those feelings."

"Oh, ok. You wouldn't have, though."

"I wouldn't?"

"No, everyone needs an ego boost every once in a while."

"Haha!"

"And besides, I've had feelings for you at one point too. But it was very cliche, so I tried to shake it as hard as I could."

"Oh?" He raised his eyebrows. "And did you?"

"Like I said, as hard as I could. If it's still there somewhere, it's buried very deep, so much so that I was embarrassed."

"Embarrassed to like me?"

"I mean embarrassed to try and make my life seem like some movie."

"Oh, well, if you did, it would've just made you that much better as an actress. Speaking of that, would you consider acting in the least?"

"Maybe, now that I'm leaving, it's basically the last thing I have to connect me to you."

"No," he said, pointing to your bracelet. "You have that."

You had forgotten that it was Daniel who gave it to you, but the realization brought a smile to your face. "Oh yeah, I'll never take it off."

Later on, long before the ball ended, you saw many of your friends leaving.

"Hey, are you ready to go?" Daniel approached you.

"Where is everyone going?"

He wriggled his eyebrows. "Afterparty!"

"But it's not over?"

"Quit being a party popper and just come with us, L/N!"

You gave in, something you did a lot, and you all started driving. When you got there, you realized you were at Daniel's house.

"The afterparty is at your house?" you asked.

"Well…" James answered.

Kat joined in. "It's really an afterparty!"

"This is your going away party!" Daniel finished.

"But I'm not going away for another month."

"Well, now you have an entire month for people to give you gifts and stuff, and you don't have to worry about the party!" He reasoned.

"But why did it have to be after the Leavers ball?"

"Because you're already in a dress, and it has to be a surprise! Surprise!" Kat exclaimed.

"Alright, fine!"

The entire night you partied and danced, and though you didn't drink alcohol, plentiful amounts of pop and mocktails were passed around. The music was a delight to your ears with all your favourite songs. There were chips and pizza with all your favourite toppings.

"This party is awesome!"

Daniel grinned. "Well, I am an amazing party planner if I do say so myself."

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Airport

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

Daniel's parents drove your family to the airport. Your parents had sold the car. Your dad would return in a week to close a deal on the house. Everything was official, and now you were leaving.

You got out of the car, and the tears forcefully began to fall.

"I'm really gonna miss you, jerk," you said disdainfully to Daniel.

He chuckled. "I'm going to miss you more."

"Impossible!"

He wiped the fallen tear from your eye, and for a moment, you could see every single multi-coloured speck in his eyes and noticed how sometimes they looked blue, and at others, they looked grey or green.

You noticed the curvature of his smile and the chisel of his jawline.You saw the hurt in his eyes that said, 'why do you have to go? You're killing me,' and wanted to never move from that position.

He continued to rub the tears that fell onto your cheek, and the sad moment was as sheltered as it could be. You felt safe with him, in his arms, just looking at his face and being reminded of how he comforted you in a place that felt as familiar as Oz felt to Dorothy.

"What am I gonna do without you?" you whispered.

"Get at least one acting job, get an assistant and an agent, I'll do the same thing, and then either one of us has our assistants reach out to our agents, so we get back in touch in case we ever lose touch."

He sounded so grave that you couldn't help but laugh. "That's assuming I do become an actress, Daniel."

"You're right," he whined. "But don't forget me."

"I promise."

And you tried to keep that promise. Throughout your first year, you interned at UCLA, working in the lab. You then applied to go to school there, and you still tried to keep Daniel in your mind. Maintaining a social life on campus combined with schoolwork already wasn't easy. However, you still wouldn't let yourself forget your best friend.

It wasn't until you entered your senior year and you were about to graduate that he started to wane in your memories. The things you did together became obsolete as new friends and memories replaced the old. The things he taught you were thrown out to make space for the new lessons you learned each day.

Even when you did become an actress, you never really remembered why you decided to. You remembered that your friend pushed you to do that play, but it was almost ten years ago, and for the life of you, you couldn't remember his name.

But you did do it, first as an extra, then a body double, and then you started getting l roles on smaller shows. But your big break was getting a quasi-lead role on the spin-off of a big television show, The Walking Dead. For two years, you enjoyed going to conventions and playing the complex character, Valeria Bishop, and you thought you had it all figured out.

But life has a funny way of coming full circle and throwing you a curveball that knows you off course and changes your life.

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK: Chapter eleven: "Can't get you off my mind"

|Word count:  9,7K

Summary:  Reader struggles with her feelings for Spencer and tries to work with Seaver. Neither of those things works. Spencer's headaches are getting worse. Also, it's Anderson's birthday! Things are getting a little more complicated.

Warnings:  Hardcore fools in love. It's getting painful to watch. Spoilers of Criminal Minds Season 6 Episode 11. 25 to life. Cursing, and frustration. Alcohol consumption. Assholes being blind.

A/N: Please don't hate me! but these two are just so blind, it hurts!

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

Spencer's point of view

Psychotics in a break always evolve. Well, I was psychotic at that minute of my life, but the only things evolving were my migraines. They were driving me insane. I could feel them taking over my life, my head, my sanity. I could feel my good judgment slipping through my fingers every day, especially since (Y/N) had started acting strange.

It wasn't like she had stopped talking to me or hanging out with me. But I could feel a void growing between us every day. And it was driving me insane. I couldn't understand where it had come from. I just knew it was eating me alive.

Morgan was having a bad day. One really bad day. The man he had vouched for parole had just murdered a man after nearly 70 hours of freedom, and now the team was trying to solve the whole case. Don Sanderson claimed he had been framed guilty of the murder of his wife and baby daughter, but after 25 years in prison, the first thing he did as a free man was to murder someone else.

It made no sense.

We had visited the murder scene. Hotch was still on a leave, so it was just Prentiss, (Y/N), Morgan, Rossi, Seaver, and I. Emily was in full "training agent's duty," walking Seaver through every step of the procedure, which was very nice of her. It was her first case after the incident in New Mexico, and she was eager to do better work than that time. She was nearly jumping all over the place, taking notes.

I talked with Garcia on the phone because he was worried about Morgan, and then I walked to (Y/N), who kept a safe distance from Emily and Seaver.

- "The bullets were in the other room, but the gun is right here,"- I said as I looked around the room. (Y/N) turned to me, ready to speak her mind, but Ashley spoke first, which annoyed her beyond belief.

- "Maybe killing him was an accident."

I looked at my best friend as Prentiss and Ashley continued talking. She just crossed her arms and walked around the room. She surely wasn't dealing well with having Seaver around. I wanted to ask her something, anything, but nothing came to mind.

- "Sanderson was out of prison for what, Reid?"- I answered Emily's question but didn't even turn to look at her. My eyes were following (Y/N), moving around that room.

- "At the time of the murder, 51 hours."

- "He's free for 2 days and change? What's the big hurry to find this guy?"

- "Are you ok?"- I whispered and stood next to (Y/N) as Prentiss and Ashley kept analyzing the scene.

- "Yeah, just tired."

- "Do you wanna have dinner with me tonight? I didn't see you this weekend, and I thought we could do a movie night."

(Y/N) took her time to answer, but finally, after a moment, she nodded and agreed.

- "Movie night sounds nice."

- "Great, ‘cos I rented your favorites."- I might have sounded more excited than I should, but I had really missed her those days, and I may or may not have watched and read Pride and Prejudice a couple of times.

- "Did you? Really?"

- "Yes, I was hoping to spend some time with you."

- "Are you coming, Spence?"- Seaver interrupted us and looked from the door- "Rossi called. They are interviewing Sanderson at the BAU."

- "Yeah, we are coming,"- I answered and looked away. (Y/N) shook her head and walked outside in silence the second Prentiss called my name, and I couldn't follow her. Which, I guess, was a good thing.

- "Is everything ok?"- Emily stayed behind with me. She raised an eyebrow, watching (Y/N) walking out of the room as Ashley waited for us by the door.

- "Yes?"- my answer came more as a question because I honestly didn't know what to say- "Everything is ok, Emily."

- "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have the feeling (Y/N) isn't thrilled to have agent Seaver around."- I almost chuckled at her words and just nodded.

- "It's not like she has made it hard to tell. She literally yelled at her at the jet."

- "Is she mad at me because I am supervising her training?"

- "I don't know. I don't think so… she hasn't told me so. Well, she hasn't talked to me much lately."

- "Why? Did you fight?"- Prentiss wide opened her eyes and moved a little closer to me, trying to read my expressions.

- "No, I don't know what's going on. She just… we…"- I couldn't find the right words to explain my mind, and I think Prentiss knew it, ‘cos she didn't push me.

- "You should talk to her."

- "Yeah, we are going out tonight."

- "You have a date?"- Ashley walked over and asked me with a short smile. I cleared my throat and shook my head right away.

- "No, just meeting with a friend."

- "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to intrude,"- Seaver blushed and looked at her shoes. Prentiss smiled, probably reading something I wasn't seeing.

- "Come on, Rossi is probably waiting for us at the BAU, and I'm guessing Morgan is not in a good mood."

For the rest of the day, I tried to find a moment alone with (Y/N). I needed to talk about what was going on. But it was impossible. We worked late, rereading the original case files, trying to find something that might help us help Sanderson. But it was frustrating and nearly impossible.

So around nine, we decided to call it a day and go home.

- "Are you in the mood for Chinese?"- I looked at (Y/N), gathering all the things as I stood next to her desk- I thought maybe we could get some take-out from that place you love on our way home.

- "Sounds nice. What are we watching?"

- "Pride and Prejudice, Coraline, maybe Beetlejuice. You pick, I've got all your favorites,"- (Y/N) narrowed her eyes, looking at me in silence- "What?"

- "So you rented movies ‘cos you wanted to hang out with me?"

- "Yes."

- "You usually don't rent movies. You rent documentaries."

- "Yes, but I wanted to do something different this time. I told you I missed you."

(Y/N) blushed as she stood in front of me, biting the inner part of her cheek, trying not to smile. I looked at her, nearly beaming, excited to see her reaction. I had felt so scared to lose her, feeling her pushing away from me. It was a balm watching her so happy, and just because I missed her.

- "I love Pride and Prejudice,"- Ashley said from her desk- "I've read that book so many times, I think I can recite it."

I looked at her and nodded with an awkward smile. I knew she was just trying to be nice ‘cos she was new at the BAU, and she was also trying to be nicer to (Y/N), to get on her good side. But that wasn't the way to get to her. Maybe I had to talk to Seaver and explain that my best friend is a special woman.

Neither of us answered her comment. We just stood there, looking at her in silence, until Anderson walked over and waved.

- "Hey agents, before you go, I wanted to tell you, this Friday I'm celebrating my birthday, and I'd love to have you over."

- "Of course, Sonny!"- (Y/N) wide opened her eyes and clapped. She had called him "Sonny" since they sang "I got you babe" by Sonny and Cher in the karaoke at the Christmas party the year before.

- "Happy birthday, Anderson!"- Derek waved.

- "Thank you! We'll gather at a bar nearby. I'll text you the address."

- "We wouldn't miss it for the world,"- Prentiss added and smiled- "Do you mind if we tell JJ and Garcia?"

- "Please do! I haven't seen JJ since she left, and it would be amazing to have her over. You too, agent Seaver."

- "Thank you!"- Ashley smiled and nodded- "Count me in."

I could feel (Y/N)'s eyes rolling, annoyed, even when I wasn't even looking at her at that minute. I grabbed my bag and my coat and held her hand.

- "Bye, guys! See you tomorrow!"- that was all I said as I dragged her out of the bullpen. Emily waved at us, and Derek cut me an evil grin I could decode easily. I just ignored him and turned to the door.

- "Have fun, pretty girl!!"- Morgan chuckled at his own words, and (Y/N) just smiled and winked. Why? Probably to show him she didn't care about all his teasing, ‘cos nothing was ever going to happen between us.

(Y/N)'s point of view

It might have been childish, but I had to take advantage of Morgan's innuendo just to show Seaver things could happen between Spencer and me. It had been immature and silly, but I just felt like I needed to do it. It was like a stupid animal instinct that forced me to mark my territory.

I shouldn't have done it. Spencer wasn't mine. Not even close. And I had to stop being jealous of Seaver. If he didn't want me, he had the right to be with anyone else. But just the thought of Spencer being with someone, anyone, made me feel sick in my stomach. I hated being in love with him. I honestly did, ‘cos I didn't want to ruin our friendship with useless feelings. Spencer wasn't in love with me. He was just my friend. My very thoughtful, cute, adorable, and lovable best friend.

I was fucked. Completely and utterly fucked. Even that second, sitting on that couch with Spencer, I couldn't focus on the movie. I pretended, but I didn't even pay attention to it. All I could think of was how warm his body felt sitting next to me, like a gigantic magnet that called for me. I could simply just move my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. Or lean in closer, rest my head on his shoulder, feel how he wraps an arm around me, and melt in his embrace, like I had done a million times before.

But I couldn't. I had to stop that daydream of a domestic and romantic life with Spencer. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't sane. But most of all: I wasn't real. And I was never going to move forward in life if I kept thinking those movie nights meant something.

- "More popcorn?- Spencer handed me the bowl, and I shook my head- "You have been awfully quiet considering we are watching Coraline."

- "Well, we are supposed to watch the movie in silence,"- I answered and didn't take my eyes from the screen.

- "You have never done that."

- "Maybe I wanted to give it a try."

I grabbed a bunch of popcorn just to keep myself busy. I could feel Spencer's eyes on me, and it was killing me ‘cos I knew I didn't have to look at him. If I did, I wasn't sure how I would react. I was overthinking everything and anything you might think of.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah. Sure."

No, I wasn't.

- "(Y/N), can you look at me?"- Spencer paused the movie and turned to me. I hesitated, thinking my best friend is an amazing profiler, and I didn't want him to know how I felt about him ‘cos it didn't want to ruin our friendship.

After a few seconds, I moved on the couch and raised an eyebrow. His brown eyes stared into mine in silence for a moment, trying to read me.

- "What is going on?"

- "Nothing,"- I lied and frowned- "Why are you so obsessed with the idea something is going on?"

- "‘Cos I have this… feeling."

- "You got a feeling?"- I chuckled, trying to be funny but failing completely. In the end, I just stared into his eyes for what seemed to be a million years but were, in fact, just a few seconds.

- "Are we ok?"

- "Of course, we are, Spencer."

- "You never call me that"- he frowned immediately, almost hurt.

- "What?"

- "You just call me Spencer when we are on a case, and there are people around us. But when we are home, I'm never Spencer to you."

"When we are home." That killed me. I hadn't realized how badly I wanted that to be our home, to have a life with Spencer.

I was in love with my best friend. I was spending every single hour of every single day of my life with him. That wasn't right! If I knew he didn't have feelings for me, why was I doing that to myself?

- "(Y/N)?"- Spencer's voice took me from my thoughts. He looked so worried I didn't know how to convince him there wasn't anything wrong, considering it felt like everything was wrong.

- "What is it?"

- "Please tell me what's wrong."

- "I told you, nothing is wrong. I just called you Spencer. That's your name. It's a lovely name. I had never met someone called Spencer ever before in my entire life. You just called me (Y/N), not pumpkin, cupcake, chipmunk, or ma chère,"- he sighed, frustrated and maybe a little annoyed.

- "Nothing is wrong, honey. I'm really ok. Just tired, maybe feeling a little invaded with Seaver in the team"- I knew he knew I hated her, so I had to blame her in a way.

- "Why?"

- "You know I'm not her fan... I hate working with her,"- I kind of chuckled at my own words because I was trying to make a joke out of my awful reality.

- "It's just for a few weeks,"- he tried to reassure me, probably to ease my mood, but the truth was I hated how it always felt like he was defending her.

- "One week, one day, it's the same torture,"- I shook my head and turned to the screen again.

- "Don't be dramatic."

- "I'm not dramatic! I just hate how she is always playing the victim ‘cos her father is a serial killer. She is clearly overcompensating! Besides, we have all gone through bad shit in our lives, and no one is using it as a tool to get things in life."

- "I don't think that's what she is doing."

- "No? Do you think she belongs at the BAU? She is a trainee agent who almost got killed in her first assignment. She works hard, and she is not stupid, I give you that. But she is not top of her class. She is not there ‘cos she is the brightest. She is there ‘cos Rossi, Hotch, and probably Prentiss felt bad for her after what happened and decided to let her hang around and learn something for a while. If you ask me, I think there are more qualified trainee agents we could use in the team, but Seaver played her "my father was a serial killer" card and got the job. And who knows how many times she had done it before, and how many times she will use it again."

Ok, that may or may not have been too hard, but it was exactly how I felt. There was a deep silence in Spencer's apartment. The movie was still paused, and after my speech, Spencer just looked at me with wide-opened eyes. I just sighed and regretted every word that had left my lips ‘cos they made me sound bitter and shallow. But at least they didn't tell him the truth: that I was jealous of the thought Seaver might get his attention. Scared that he could look at her the way he had never looked at me. Just to imagine I could bump into them kissing terrified me.

- "Maybe I should just go home,"- I whispered and tried to stand up, but Spencer grabbed my arm and pulled me back onto the couch.

- "No, please. Stay,"- his voice was a whisper but still managed to shake me.

- "I don't wanna argue with you, honey,"- I thought I would speak too loud, but no, I actually murmured, matching his tone of voice.

- "We don't have to talk about Seaver anymore. Just watch the movie with me. You love this movie."

- "You love this book,"- I added and looked at him. He smiled. God, that smile is going to be the end of me.

- "It's just so dark! But it has such a good message."

- "Not all nice people are good people?"- I just spoke about what the book had meant to me ever since I was a little girl, and Spencer analyzed the whole plot again in less than a minute.

- "I was going to say overcoming your fears, but I like your analysis the most."

- "Of course, you do, ‘cos it's better,"- I teased and stuck out my tongue to him. Spencer just stared at me and nodded.

- "You might be right. Yours is much better,"- he kept his eyes on me for a few more seconds and continued smiling until he snapped from his thoughts- "More tea, ma chère?"

- "No, honey, thank you. I'm good."

I cut him a quick smile and sat back on the couch, trying to relax. I knew it was going to be impossible, but I honestly didn't want to leave. I wanted to be with him. I had stayed home alone the whole weekend, hidden underneath a pile of blankets, in something that looked pretty much like a fort, according to Lu's words. She had stayed with me Saturday night ‘cos I told her I needed a girl's night. It was my poor attempt to stay away from Reid, and she was happy to help.

Ok, Lu didn't know I wanted to stay away from Reid. I just told her I needed a girl's night. I really didn't want to deal with all her questions. You have the right to avoid dealing with your feelings from time to time if you can. And I told Spencer Lu wasn't feeling so good, so I wanted to spend some time with her. He sounded disappointed ‘cos he was making plans for our weekend off but understood completely I needed to be with my friend.

See? Spencer made it so easy falling in love with him! He was so thoughtful it freaking hurt!

I couldn't fight the feeling anymore and rested my head on his shoulder. It felt he was waiting for me to make that move, ‘cos in a few seconds, his arm was wrapped around me protectively.

- "I know Lu needed you, but you missed a whole weekend of cuddling on this couch watching your favorite movies with me,"- Spencer whispered, bumping his head carefully against mine. I bit my lips and smiled, not taking my eyes away from the screen.

- "We do this pretty often"- that was all I could answer.

- "At least once a week for the last… thirteen-month two weeks, and… four days."

- "I love how precise you can be when it comes to our friendship, honey."

Calling it a friendship hurt me at that point, but it was what it was. Spencer chuckled and just nodded. We enjoyed our company in silence for a moment. His fingers drawing figures on my arm and my head resting on his shoulder, letting his smell invade me. It was heaven.

We were finally watching the movie… though what I really wanted was to watch a movie with Spencer instead of actually watching it. But that was the nature of our relationship. We were friends. Friends don't watch movies.

- "No way,"- I argued when his cellphone rang and interrupted our moment- "Please tell me we don't have a case."

- "We don't,"- he quickly answered and picked up the phone- "Hello? Hi… it's ok, tell me"- he didn't stand up or moved from me. He kept holding me tight against his body and finished his call by simply saying.

- "We can meet tomorrow at seven at work. I can help you with your test."- I hated those words immediately.

- "It's not a problem, see you tomorrow. Bye."

I was afraid to ask ‘cos I knew the answer. The knot on my stomach was the fair warning of what had just happened. That bitch had ruined our moment yet again.

- "What are you doing tomorrow at seven?"- I did my best to sound as casual as possible, but I knew that conversation might not end well. He hesitated. I could nearly hear his neurons struggling to find the correct answer to that question. Until he simply whispered:

- "Please don't get mad."

- "Why would I?"

- "‘Cos Ashley just called to ask me to help her study for a test…"

I took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, doing my best to calm myself down at least a little before speaking.

- "I'm not mad, Spencer,"- I tried to lie as smoothly as possible. I even cut him a smile and looked into his hazel and confused eyes.

- "I know you don't like her, but I had offered to help in case she needed any… what?"

- "I'm not mad, really,"- I smiled again and turned to the screen- "We said we were not going to argue, and besides, she just called to ask you for help. That's not something to be mad about, right?"

Technically I wasn't mad. I was beyond furious.

- "Are you sure?"- he narrowed his eyes, baffled- "Not that I want you to be mad or something, but we just argued over her, and you said you felt invaded by her… so…"

- "Yes, but I don't wanna argue anymore. I don't want you to think I hate Seaver because I don't. And most of all, I don't want her to be the reason we fight. I don't wanna fight with you. Ever."

Spencer sighed, relieved, and smiled, pleased with my answer.

Spencer's point of view

Something felt off the following day when I walked into the bullpen and saw Ashley waiting for me by my desk with two cups of coffee. (Y/N) had said everything was ok, and I decided I wanted to believe her. But I had an awful feeling about everything that was going on.

- "Hi!"- Ashley smiled and handed me a cup- "Figured you might appreciate one of these for making you wake up earlier."

- "Thank you"- I smiled awkwardly and held the cup- "Are you ready?"

- "Yes, I brought all the notes from the class and my books…"- she set them on her desk and giggled as I went through her notes, sipping my cup- "I feel back in high school…"

- "Why?"

- "I wasn't the best student back then, and I always had to ask my classmates for help,"- I couldn't help but think of something (Y/N) had said the night before.

- "And are you a good student at the academy?"

- "Yes, I think. I'm not in the top three of my class, but I have good grades. I'm just not… a genius, like you."

Her eyes lingered on my face, and her cheeks blushed after a few seconds. I frowned, not getting why she was embarrassed. Was it just ‘cos she didn't have the same honorifics as I did?

- "I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified,"- I simply answered, remembering how many times in my life I had ever said something like that. Way too many, to be honest.

It was hard to focus on the subject when Seaver kept asking me personal questions every five minutes. She seemed more interested in knowing about my childhood in Las Vegas than learning about profiling and victimology.

- "Good morning, kids!"- I turned around and smiled at Morgan, so glad to see him I might have actually felt a little relieved- "What are you doing here so early?"

- "Hey! I was just helping Ashley with her test,"- I stood up and walked from her desk over his- "And about you?"

- "I have a meeting with Strauss in a while, and Sanderson's case didn't let me sleep. It was better to come here and start working than to keep on rolling on my bed. But I'm glad you are here. Wanna help me go through a few extra files?"

- "Of course!"- I left the notes I was holding on the closest desk and walked with Morgan to the conference room.

I considered our session with Seaver finished, mostly ‘cos for the last ten minutes, she had been asking about me. What I liked doing outside the BAU, favorite bands, hobbies, anything. I answered her questions and kept trying to push her to study. I didn't want her to blame me if she failed her test.

- "Hey, kid."- Morgan whispered after a few minutes and took a look around, just to make sure no one else was near. I looked at him confused ‘cos he was never that careful to say anything in the office.

- "Is everything ok?"

- "Yes?"- I answered, though it sounded like a question ‘cos I wasn't sure what he was talking about.

- "Are you excited to have Seaver on the team for the next month?"- I shrugged and kept reading the file in my hands- "Come on, Reid. She is clearly sweet to you."

- "I don't know what you are talking about."

- "She has a crush on you, kid."

- "No, she doesn't!"

- "Come on! Are you blind?"- I stared at Morgan, not getting what he was talking about- "Man, Seaver gives you loving eyes even when we are on the field!"

- "She does not!"- I knew I was blushing. I hated those kinds of conversations, and Morgan always made me feel awkward when he hinted I should flirt with a girl or just talk to them.

- "And I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything like that ever again."

- "What's the matter, kid? You don't think she is pretty?"

- "I don't look at her that way!"- I buried my head in a file and tried not to notice how he scanned my whole face, looking for micro expressions.

- "I see. Are you afraid (Y/N) might get jealous?"- Morgan chuckled at his words and tapped on my back a few times, making me flinch- "Relax, man. I'm just kidding!"

- "I don't like those jokes, Derek. Really."

Morgan kept his eyes on me a little longer and nodded. I did my best not to show how I really felt, but somehow, I failed miserably.

- "You know, kid, it would be much easier if you just told (Y/N) how you feel about her,"- Derek's voice was soft and even more concerned than I thought he could be. I nearly shook when I heard him, so I failed my mission of remaining stoic.

- "Reid, it's ok. There's nothing wrong with having feelings for her."

- "I don't… like talking about this,"- I whispered and closed the file- "Can we just focus on work, please?"- Derek nodded and stayed quiet for a few seconds. But I knew he wasn't done yet.

- "Reid, listen. I know you are not really fond of sharing how you feel with us, I know you share almost everything that happens in your life with (Y/N), and as your friend, I've always felt glad and relieved to know you have her. But if there's something you can't tell her, and you need to talk to someone, you can count on me. You know that, right?"

I nodded and looked at him. That conversation took me back to the year I was using and had to keep it secret from my friends. I knew I could count on Morgan if anything happened, but I really wasn't comfortable sharing my thoughts, feelings, and fears with people. (Y/N) made it so easy. Was it ‘cos I loved her? I just always felt I could tell her anything. That had never happened to me before with anyone.

- "Morgan, Strauss was looking for you,"- Rossi walked into the room holding a cup of coffee and stared at us, raising an eyebrow- "Everything ok?"

- "Yes, we were just going through some files,"- Morgan stood up and grabbed the case folder- "I'll be right back."

- "I'll finish reading all these,"- I said and pointed at the box filled with more files. Morgan nodded and walked away.

- "Do you need any help?"- Seaver walked over that second and smiled at me. I stood up and shook my head.

- "Thanks, but I'm basically done. I'll just go make myself another cup of coffee."

- "I'll go with you!"- she smiled and waited for me by the door. Rossi looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I just cut him a straight smile and walked to the kitchenette, followed closely by Ashley.

(Y/N) walked into the bullpen that minute. I watched her as she opened the glass door and took out her jacket. It felt like the time passed in slow motion as she walked. I couldn't help it, I just smiled as soon as our eyes crushed, and for a few seconds, life was perfect. Just to know she was there, smiling at me made everything worth living.

See why I couldn't tell anyone how I was feeling? They would make fun of me. Morgan would never understand the agony and the dimension of my love for her. He would just tease me. I wonder if he had ever actually been in love 'till that point in life.

I didn't want anyone to know what was happening to me ‘cos I was sure they would make fun of me, and that was the last thing I needed at that moment. So I did what I knew best: I locked it all inside and waited for it to burn me alive.

- "Good morning, chipmunk!"- I stood by (Y/N)'s side and smiled as she left her things on her desk and turned to me. She just looked into my eyes, and my brain turned into mush.

- "Good morning, honey bunny. Did you sleep well? You look tired."

- "Yeah, I just got up extra early today to help Seaver, and now I was helping Derek with some files."

- "Do you need a hand?"

- "Sure!"- I didn't even analyze my answer. I just spit the words, thinking it would be amazing to spend some time with my friend, working together.

- "Hi (Y/N), how are you?"- that until her face changed completely when Seaver waved at her- "Spencer, do you want me to make your coffee?"- I froze and turned to her in silence.

- "No, thank you. I'll… just… wait a little before having another one. I just had my third cup."

- "Three cups in already"- (Y/N) narrowed her eyes and turned to her desk, giving me her back- "How long have you been awake?"

- "Not as long as Morgan, I tell you that,"- I pointed at him, walking out of Strauss's office and heading back to our conference room.

- "Let's help him, then."

(Y/N) walked quickly, and I followed closely. I wished I hadn't said no to that coffee. I really needed one to go through that morning.

During that morning, Derek questioned Sanderson again and finally took him and Rossi back to his house, trying to trigger any memory that might help us crack the case. Meanwhile, the rest of the team and I stayed back in the office, repeatedly going through the case files. So far, all we knew is that a team had attacked Sanderon's home and framed him for the murder of his wife and daughter.

The whole day, I focused on work ‘cos it's my favorite escape, and clearly, there was something more important to think of than whatever was going on with my life. But my head was killing me. The migraines were starting to get more intense, and I think they got worse the more thinking I gave to my relationship with (Y/N).

- "It sounds like we need to profile a dormant killer"- Ashle's voice surprised me when I was pouring myself a cup of fresh coffee in the kitchenette.

- "A very lucky one. He was essentially given a gift, a patsy in the form of Don Sanderson, and he'll do anything to protect that story."- I answered, thinking I didn't want to be in Sanderon's shoes, trying to clear my name of something I hadn't done.

- "When someone has a secret this big, everything becomes a lie."

Somehow, Seaver's words hit me. I'm sure she didn't mean to strike a nerve, but she did. I had been in love with my best friend for too long, and now it was starting to affect my life. I didn't want it to get in the way of work, and we were at work most of our time together. But there was nothing I could do about it. I just had to keep on faking everything was normal.

- "He'll most likely be pathological,"- I nearly choked at my own words as I tried to shake away the thoughts from my head.

- "So, we're looking for a liar in D. C. I thought we were trying to narrow this down."- Ashley tried to joke and waited for my reaction but didn't get anything. Instead, I just cut her a straight smile and walked away.

By the end of the night, Morgan had gotten the unsub. But I was still a mess. It had been the longest day in weeks, not just ‘cos I had barely slept the night before, but because I was overthinking everything that happened around me. It was exhausting.

- "Are you coming, Batsy?"- (Y/N) asked me and grabbed her bag after putting on her coat. I stood from my desk and nodded.

- "Yes, ma chère."

- "Where are you guys going tonight?"- Derek asked and smiled at us- "No. Don't tell me, planning this year's matching Comic-Con costumes"- I chuckled and probably blushed, busted.

- "We already settled those, Derek. We are way ahead of schedule this year,"- (Y/N) answered and stuck out her tongue to him.

- "(Y/N), can you give me a second before you go?"- Prentiss stood up and smiled at my friend, who just nodded and walked with her to the conference room. Derek and Seaver looked at me.

- "What?"

- "Do you know what's that about?"- Morgan questioned me.

- "I have no idea."

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "Please don't freak out,"- Emily smiled and turned to me after she closed the door behind her back- I just needed to clear the air a little bit between us.

- "What? Why? Is there something wrong?"

- "I don't know, I just feel you have been acting weird lately, and I needed to know if it has something to do with me supervising Seaver."

I nearly gasped. Not ‘cos I felt insulted but ‘cos I felt caught. I knew I hadn't been subtle about my feelings for Seaver. I just didn't want them to get in the middle of work.

- "I haven't been weird with you, Emily, and I don't think I've been acting strange."

- "Come on, you don't like Ashley, and I offered to supervise her while she works with us."

- "Yes, but neither of those has anything to do with me and you. We are friends, Emily."

- "I know, and I wanna honor that friendship, (Y/N). I love working with you. I just want you to know I'm not… I just… I'm trying to help Seaver start her career."

- "I understand that. We are ok,"- I tried to reassure her, but I knew she could read between my bullshit.

- "Do you think you could try to be a little bit nicer with her?"

- "Nicer?"

- "Yes, (Y/N). She is making an effort to get along with the team, and you've been giving her the cold shoulder since day one." -I crossed my arms on my chest, obviously annoyed and defensive.

- "I have been friendly with her, Emily. I just don't like her, and you can't force me to be her friend."

In my defense, in my mind, that argument didn't sound as childish as it did when I said it out loud.

- "Don't be selfish! Just because you are jealous, you can't deprive her of the opportunity of a lifetime with this team."

Emily's words were knives against my ego and nearly destroyed my facade. I stared into her eyes and wondered how to get out of that situation without hurting my friend. I could pretend I didn't know what she was talking about, but we both knew that was bullshit. I could actually try to tell her how I felt, but it was so humiliating I refused to open up. So instead, I just nodded and smiled at her.

- "I'm sorry that's how you see me. I'll try to be a better version of myself tomorrow,"- and needless to say, I turned around and left.

- "(Y/N), please wait,"- but I didn't stop walking. I refused to continue talking about Seaver with anyone. I refused to deal with feelings or the real world.

- "Everything ok?"- Spencer asked me the second he saw me appear by his side.

- "Yes,"

- "You are blushing. Did you and Prentiss argue?"

- "No, honey. We didn't argue. She just wanted to check on me ‘cos she was worried I was mad at her. But that's all."- Spencer just nodded and looked at me in silence.- "Why don't we just go home and forget about today, honey?"

Easier said than done.

So Seaver was getting under my skin. And it was getting harder to control. That week was hell, and I didn't want to show it. Eventually, I talked with Emily again, and I tried to explain to her I wasn't being mean with Seaver. I just didn't like her. And though I gave Emily my word to be friendlier with Ashley, the circumstances weren't really helping.

Things didn't get any better than Friday night. No, if anything, that was the night that made it all worse. Prentiss, JJ, and I got together at Garcia's house and had a few drinks before leaving for Anderson's birthday. I was making my biggest effort to have fun and ease my mind. Spencer said he wasn't sure he'd make it ‘cos he was tired, and automatically I almost turned out the whole deal, but Penelope literally dragged me to her house and put a beer in my hand.

- "You, my young lady, are going to put some makeup on, a hot dress, and we are going to party!"

- "But PG, I'm not…"- but she didn't let me out of it. Instead, she shushed me and raised an eyebrow, looking pretty convincing.

- "No "but." You are going. End of the conversation."

So she dragged me to the bar, along with Prentiss and JJ, who had left Will with little Henry to join us for what was promised to be one epic girl's night.

Anderson was so happy to see us. He was a sweetheart who was always willing to help us. I knew technically he didn't work at the BAU, but he was always there whenever we needed him. We all felt he was part of the team.

- "Sonny!!"- I yelled and hugged him tight

- "I'm so glad you girls made it!!"- and his smile was priceless- "JJ!!"- he actually yelled when he saw her and ran to give her a triple bear hug.

- "Grant Anderson!! I can't believe it's really you!!"

- "I've missed you so much!! How's Henry?"

- "So big!! I feel I haven't been out with friends in so long!"- JJ looked around, and her face kept lighting up as she recognized more friends and acquaintances from Quantico. I looked around and recognized Morgan already flirting with a woman at the other side of the bar.

- "Looks like chocolate thunder knows how to keep himself busy,"- I joked, and Garcia turned immediately.

- "Have you ever seen him shirtless?"- she asked in a lower voice and leaned a little closer to me, just to make sure no one would listen- "I'm sure it's illegal looking so good in real life."

I laughed and turned to see Prentiss walk to the bar to get us the first round of drinks. Ok, I'll admit it, I was having a great time. I know I didn't want to go at first, but spending time with my work friends and not just with Spencer was refreshing. Not that I didn't do fun things with the rest of the team, but my relationship with Spencer, I mean the friendship that pretty much looked like a relationship, consumed most of my time. But I just loved being with Reid more than anything.

But one night without him wasn't going to be the end of the world. Right?

Right.

Anderson and I danced and laughed. It was all very innocent. And though I've never considered myself a hot chick or whatever, a few guys asked if they could get me drinks, and I kindly declined. I wasn't looking for a one-night stand or anything. I just wanted to have fun with my friends.

- "And where's Reid?"- Anderson asked as we reached our table, where Prentiss and JJ were catching up and laughing.

- "Home, he said he was tired."

- "And? When are you two going to come clean about your relationship? You know, having the confirmation of your romance would be the best birthday present you could ever give me."

- "Grant Anderson, you nosy bastard!!"- I hit his arm and heard his laughter- "You know we are not dating!"

- "Come on!! I mean it! You have to get together! You are like the FBI sweethearts!!"

- "Shut your face!"- Anderson laughed even harder and took a look around the bar

- "So, if you are not dating Spencer, I have a friend who asked about you."

- "Who? What friend? Is he here?"- Garcia shouted question after question as she had overheard the whole conversation and even moved closer.

- "His name is James. He saw you on the news a few months ago, at a press conference with Rossi, and has been asking about you ever since."

I frowned and looked at Garcia, who was wide-eyed staring at Anderson. I had no idea what was going on. It was bizarre.

- "No, thank you?"- I whispered, not even sure of what I should answer at that- "I'm very flattered, Grant, but… I'm really not looking for someone right now."

- "You are not?"- Garcia asked me, and I just shook my head.

- "No, I have too much going on in my life, with work and… well… what we do…"

- "Really?"- Anderson sounded a little disappointed- "Well, in case you change your mind, James is…"

- "(Y/N)? Can I talk to you for a second?"- Garcia grabbed my arm and crawled me to a side of the bar.

- "What? What is it?"

- "Munchkin, you know I love you."

- "Yes, I love you too, PG."

- "That's why I feel like I need to be honest with you, ‘cos you've always been so sweet, and we've known each other for years now, and I feel like if I don't tell you this, you are never going to forgive me."- Penelope was nearly hyperventilating as she spoke.

- "Ok, what is it? You are scaring me."

- "You have to tell Reid how you feel."

- "What?"

- "He has to know! You have to tell him!"

- "I don't wanna talk about what, Penelope"- I tried to walk away from her, but she stopped me, grabbed my arm, and pulled me back.

- "No, (Y/N). He loves you, I'm not a profiler, I don't even play one on tv, but I am sure what I see in his eyes when he looks at you is love… ‘cos it's the same you have when you look at him!"

- "Son of a bitch!!"- the words escaped my lips as my heart nearly left my chest.

- "No, (Y/N)!"- but Garcia lost my attention that second, ‘cos all I could see was Spencer Walter Reid walking into the bar and Ashley Seaver hanging from his arm.

- "What do you want me to tell him, Garcia? To have fun with his new girlfriend?"- I pointed at the door, and her jaw nearly hit the floor.

- "Ok, no. There has to be a reasonable explanation for that!"

- "Yes, but Spencer being in love with me is not the explanation. I'm gonna get a drink."

Spencer's point of view

I was surprised to get Ashley's phone call that night. When my phone rang, I was ready to go to bed. My head was killing me. I had already scheduled an appointment with the doctor for some exams. I was starting to have a bad feeling about what those headaches really were, and I was too scared to tell anyone what was going on. Not even (Y/N).

Actually, of all people, she was the one I wanted to keep in the dark. Why? ‘Cos ever since we met she had taken care of me, I didn't think it was fair. She had taken me into her life and given me a place in it. And sometimes, I felt I was a burden. She helped me overcome all of my traumas and even my drug addiction. She introduced me to her best friends and made me part of her life. (Y/N) had taken trips with me to Las Vegas just to see my mom, ‘cos she knew it was hard for me to do it on my own. If it hadn't been for her, I would have probably spent over a year without visiting her. Now, we took a weekend to see mom every few months.

Why would I trouble her with some headaches? It wasn't fair.

When Ashley called, for a moment, I thought it might be (Y/N), asking me to pick her up. But no. It wasn't her that time.

- "Hey Spence, I'm sorry to bother you, but… are you at Anderson's party?"

- "No, actually, I'm in my house."

- "Why? I thought you were invited too."

- "Yeah, I know, and I was, but I'm kind of tired, and I wanted to come home and get some rest. Why? Are you at the party?"

- "No, but I was getting ready to go. But now I feel kind of awkward asking you."

- "What? What is it?"

- "I just… wanted to know if you could come with me. I'm so sorry, Spence, I didn't know you were tired. I just… I wanted to go to the party, but I feel kind of silly going alone. I wanted to ask Prentiss, but she left with (Y/N) and Garcia, and I felt so awkward asking…"

I wanted to groan, roll in my bed and hide under my pillow. But Ashley was the new girl, and she deserved to have some fun.

- "Don't worry, I'll take you there,"- I know I whispered my answer ‘cos I didn't really want to do it, but somehow I felt it was my duty.

- "Really?!"- and by the excitement in Ashley's voice, it was clear that was what she wanted to hear.

- "I'll pick you up in half an hour, ok?"

- "Thank you so much, Spence!!"

But when I walked into the bar, I knew I had made a mistake. I felt it in my guts. The same intuition I never followed in my personal life, only on the field.

I quickly looked around as Ashley held on to my arm tightly and walked into the bar with a big smile. I soon found Prentiss and JJ talking at a table filled with empty glasses, and my heart jumped inside my chest at the warm, familiar feeling that my friends gave me. I missed JJ very much. And not just as a team member but as a friend who had been taken away from us. (Y/N) always said I didn't know how to deal with change, neither did she, and the shifts in the team always affected me.

Soon I saw Morgan too, talking with Anderson and some other agents. Garcia had to be close then, but I couldn't see her or (Y/N) anywhere around.

- "Come on! Let's get a drink!"- Ashley said and crawled me to the bar.

- "I don't drink and drive"- I said, and she pouted.

- "Come on! You are no fun! Just one!"

- "No, just water. Thanks,"- I turned and scanned the place. Everybody was there, and they seemed to be having fun. Penelope waved and walked to me suddenly. She cut me a short smile and grabbed my arm.

- "Hey, what the hell are you doing here?"

- "I didn't want to come, but Ashley insisted and…"

- "Hi!"- Ashley appeared by our side and handed me a bottle of water- "I'm so excited to be here! We really needed to decompress after everything that happened this week, right Garcia?"

Penelope stared at us, trying to formulate an answer. I could see her making her bet to say something, but she just didn't. Instead, she just turned around and walked away.

- "Is she ok?"- I didn't know how to answer that, ‘cos Penelope's reaction surprised me. Ashley just looked around and grabbed my arm again.

- "Come on, Spencer! Let's dance!"

- "No, I don't… dance, sorry."

Lucky for me, Prentiss showed up and invited us to sit with her at her table. I don't know if she noticed I was uncomfortable, but I was glad to see her. Being in that bar made me feel pretty awkward and exposed.

I had never been much of a party person. I wasn't used to bars and gatherings until I joined the BAU. When I first met Derek, he tried to take me out a few times and be my wingman. It's obvious he failed at that mission. Meeting people at a bar is the most complicated equation I could ever try to solve. It doesn't work for me, no matter how hard Derek pushed me to do it. He said I had to rely on what made me feel comfortable. But no. It wasn't that I couldn't meet people. It was that I didn't want to meet anyone once I met the woman of my dreams. Even when I knew she could never be mine.

When (Y/N) came along, she started hosting these fun "dinner parties" with Frank, Lu, and Mikey, which changed everything. It was the first time I was hanging out with people my age doing things I actually liked doing. It wasn't about drinking or picking girls in a bar. It was about playing Jenga, or charades, eating pizza, and talking about movies and sometimes even books.

(Y/N) said her friends considered me part of the gang, which was all I ever wanted to hear. That I belonged. It's kind of sad when you think about it, but I don't care. I had never felt like I belonged anywhere, and they made me feel like I was one of them. They took me to their rock shows, and I jumped along with the crowd, knowing I wasn't an outcast there. I was with my friends.

You don't know how good that made me feel. And for years, they were my social comfort and cocoon. Then, when Rossi joined the BAU again, he started hosting fancy dinner parties at his house, and I got to hang out with the whole team without being at a bar, pushed to meet people. And it was so good. (Y/N) always said Rossi's arrival had a cohesive effect on us. Not because he brought us together, but the circumstances of his arrival and everything that happened that first year.

This team is no stranger to trauma, and that's a fact. I think Rossi's dinner parties gave us a space to be ourselves, relax, have a few drinks and enjoy our time together. I think that's when we stepped from being friends to be family.

And I hadn't had one before.

I hugged JJ tight as soon as I saw her smiling at me. I hadn't seen her ever since her goodbye party, over two months before, but we had talked on the phone a few times.

- "I've missed you so much, Spence!!"- she said and held my face with both hands- "You and (Y/N) owe me two babysit nights,"- and I laughed, thinking we promised we'd take care of Henry so she and Will could have a date, but we were called for a case.

- "Wait! It was one night!"- I argued, chuckling- "Why is it two nights now?"

- "‘Cos I lost a very exclusive reservation due to the two of you."

- "Technically, it wasn't our fault, we were called in for a case..."

I smiled and sat next to JJ, and Prentiss sat next to me. Ashley stood by the table and smiled at JJ. Right, they didn't even know each other.

- "It's very nice to meet you, Agent Jareau. The team talks very highly of you,"- she shook JJ's hand and smiled.

- "Ashley, right? Prentiss was just telling me you will be taking your remedial training at the BAU. Congratulations, it's a fantastic team to work with."

- "Thank you,"- I took a look around, still trying to find my best friend around. But it seemed useless, and I was starting to feel worried.

- "Where's (Y/N)?"- I had to ask.

- "She was with Anderson a minute ago,"- Penelope said and looked around- "I am going to look for her and bring her here in a second. I'll be right back."

And so, she was gone.

Prentiss and I pretty much interrogated JJ about her new job and the new team she worked with at the pentagon. I sipped my water and half-listened her answer, ‘cos most of my head was trying to register what was going on around me. No, actually, I was trying to find (Y/N). Penelope had been gone for half an hour looking for her, and I was starting to think something weird was going on. Besides, my head was killing me, and all I wanted was to go home. But I hadn't seen JJ in weeks, and I couldn't waste a chance like that.

Ashley talked with Prentiss too, and every once in a while, she tried to engage in conversation with me. But to be honest, I couldn't really concentrate on anything. I just wanted to know (Y/N) was alright.

- "Excuse me,"- I stood up slowly and looked at my friends- "I'm going to the bathroom, be right back."

- "Can you get us another round on our way back?"- Prentiss asked and smiled guiltily.

- "Sure."

- "Do you need help?"- Ashley tried to stand up, but Emily stopped her.

- "He got it, don't worry."

So I was left on my own. I walked around the bar. In my mind, I kept telling myself I was "looking for the bathroom," but I knew very well I was indeed trying to find (Y/N). I had been in that bar for an hour, and I still hadn't seen her. I was worried.

I walked around the bar and found Anderson. He seemed to be a little shocked to see me there but smiled and hugged me. It was weird hugging people, still. But Anderson was part of the team. It always felt like it. We had known each other for years, and somehow it was like he was in the background of our daily basics.

- "Have you seen (Y/N)?"- I asked him, and he widened his eyes- "What?"

- "Yeah, she's right there, actually… "- Grant Anderson pointed and turned around- "Later, Reid."

- "Bye"- I didn't even look at him. I just turned and looked around to see (Y/N).

But my best friend didn't notice me. She was too busy kissing some guy.

I stood in front of her, not knowing what to do. Her eyes were closed, and her arms were around his neck, so clearly, she wasn't in distress, and no matter how badly I wanted to take her from him, I just couldn't.

For a minute, I couldn't believe my eyes. I just stood there and stared at (Y/N), trying to understand what was going on. I always knew she wasn't meant to be mine, but I had never gotten such a brutal reminder. Not even when she was dating Paul. Watching her kissing someone else was shocking. The way that man put his hands on her waist and held her close to him, just like I always dreamt of doing, was painful.

Painful. That was the only word I can explain how it felt.

I stood there for a minute or so. I really don't know how long it was, but it felt long enough to burn in my memory everything I needed to torture myself with for the rest of my life. I stepped back after a minute. It might have been longer; I really can't recall. And all I managed to do was to walk out of the bar and reach my car.

I opened the door and slammed it as I sat behind the wheel. I wanted to cry and yell. But I didn't do either of those. Instead, I stayed still, staring at the nothing in front of me, trying to erase that fresh memory from my head. But it was impossible. (Y/N) was making out with some guy inside that bar, and there was nothing I could do to stop her. So I did the only thing I could do at that minute. I started the car and got the fuck out of there.

–

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @fandomtrash2405

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: June 23th, 2021

[icequeenbae]

Desert Flower (m) Ch. 1 | BBH

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader x Baëkhyun

Characters: EXO and X-EXO (not all of them mentioned)

EXO vs X-EXO dynamics, complicated relationships, angsty, action, smut (as usual)

Warnings: sorta mingling with your ex’s ‘evil twin’, mentions of blood/ violence (nothing too graphic… I suppose), Y/N gets teary a lot(?), explicit content, rough sex, unprotected sex

Word Count: ~13.5k (full), ~3.7k (Chapter 1)

Summary: Baekhyun, your beloved boyfriend of three years, suddenly breaks up with you and disappears from the city in an attempt to protect you. But leaving you alone and clueless means trouble will surely find you. For it is easy to spot a flower in the desert.

Masterlist   >> One >> Two (m) >> Three (m) >> Four (fin)

Author’s Note: Yay, this is happening!!! My first BaekBaёk, oml I’m gonna-

Ok. I’ll admit right off the bat that I wouldn’t be posting this any time soon without my lovely beta @baekshoney​ 🖤 She’s the person I turn to when I think there’s a million little things I could’ve done better, because that’s what I always think. I had to give myself a cut-off date to finally give up editing this 😅 So, I’d really appreciate it if you guys could share your thoughts and opinions on this too. My asks, dms and comments are places where you’re always welcome! Now, let’s get into this!

Tags: @blahblahblah-boo @baeklightsx @wooya1224 @baekklove

Chapter 1. The beginning of the end 

It was all too sudden.

The words he’d said deafened you. Refusing to believe what you were hearing, you shook your head and took a step back, as if doing so could start the conversation you’d just had over. Or rewind the time and allow you to prevent the words from coming out of his mouth in the first place. But he was firm, unyielding in his stance.

‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated. ‘It’s my fault. I should’ve known better.’

Than to start this relationship, was what he meant. That he should have avoided getting in a relationship with you altogether, and breaking up with you would’ve never become an issue.

‘Why?’ You tried to speak, but your lower lip started to tremble, silencing you at once.

This was all wrong. It couldn’t have been true, what he was saying.

He licked his lips, looking away, hands forming tight fists at his sides as he tried to recollect himself and urge his body to stay frozen on the spot.

That did not work for long – the sight of you, so small, so stunned and defeated, with tears welling in your eyes while you tried to stifle them… He couldn’t. It was stupid of him to break his act so easily, but you were too precious to him to just leave you like this.

Sighing and cursing himself out in his mind, he took a stride towards you and gathered you tightly in his arms.

‘I am sorry, Y/N,’ he continued softly, hearing you hiccup in his unexpected embrace. ‘But I have to leave. We- I should’ve stayed away from you from the start. Forgive me for being so weak.’

You sobbed at his words, shaking your head stubbornly and clinging to his broad chest as an act of desperation.

‘I can come with you!’

‘No,’ he interrupted your crazy idea. ‘I’m leaving you behind. To keep you safe.’

‘Safe from what?’ You questioned, half-annoyed now.

He kept insisting that he wished to protect you, but how was leaving you all alone ensuring your security? And why would you even consider it, when you only felt safe while with him?

‘I cannot tell you. The more you know, the more dangerous it is.’

‘Baekhyunie, please,’ you wiped the tears and grabbed onto his vest as he moved to pull away. ‘You can’t just decide this on your own!’

‘Y/N,’ he took hold of your wrists, not removing them just yet. ‘I know it’s hard, and I never wanted to hurt you like this. But there’s nothing you can say that’ll change my mind. I’d rather break your heart than risk your life, so it’s not really a choice.’

He looked around as if to make sure you were not being watched, and then leaned in to place a farewell kiss on your temple – his favorite spot. You sniffled, realization of the inevitable setting in.

‘Just let me go, flower,’ his voice lowered to a whisper, and you sobbed at the pet name. ‘You’ll be better off without me, I promise.’

‘No,’ you protested as he freed himself from your grasp, and took a step back. ‘No, Baekhyun, don’t leave,’ you clawed at his forearm, trying to stop him. ‘We can deal with it together, we can think of something! I don’t want to be without you,’ you whimpered sorrowfully.

He shook his head, shying away from your touch, while you desperately tried to hold him back.

But you couldn’t. He gently peeled your hands off to walk away, and you missed the pained crease between his eyebrows when he turned his back on you to escape your apartment.

‘Please, don’t do this…’ You whispered, voice breaking in anguish. Just as your heart was.

Yet, Baekhyun kept walking. Leaving you to weep in the unwelcoming emptiness of your home.

Leaving you for good.

***

Your relationship with Baekhyun started almost three years ago.

Still new to university life, you found yourself in the midst of a soap opera worth of drama when a bunch of transfer students joined all at once, some even in the same year as you. All highly attractive, they usually hung out together and spent less time than needed socializing with the outside world.

Not that you cared too much – sure, the excitement going around was making you curious, but they looked too handsome, almost to the extent that you found it intimidating. Ironically, the most intimidating you found Baekhyun. His then long dark hair with strands of red and a mullet hairstyle, the sharp green eyes, the pierced eyebrow, and the lip ring that made him look like a very attractive hooligan... The piercings turned out to be just as fake as the eye color, which did not disappoint you at all.

Funny enough, you only got to know this bad boy because he took a liking to retreating to the campus library. Hiding from all of the attention, of course. While some members of his clique actually basked in it, he preferred to disappear to the remote aisles of the quiet space and read a book, or, more likely, sleep with one on his chest. You saw him like that often, since you were stuck in there yourself – essays for different classes were piling up rapidly. As a diligent student, you were determined to do well in your first year of university, so dragging yourself to the library to stay glued to your laptop was the best option.

Coincidentally, you also preferred to stay in the less lively spaces, as you tended to seek peace and quiet to focus on your assignments. Your attention span… wasn’t impressive, to say the least, so you did your best to avoid any distractions. However, you didn’t count on a certain sleep lover to be one of them.

It was not the first day you spent close enough to notice the tranquil expression he wore on his face as he was snoozing. It was, however, the first time he caught you staring mindlessly in his direction. Burning the deepest shade of red in your cheeks, you grabbed your books and quickly made yourself scarce, thanking heavens for the multiple aisles of books around. You walked around for ten minutes or so, actually placing your books back where they belonged and finding a secluded corner to check out what else was on the shelves. Squinting, you tried to read the name of the tome that had gotten your attention, and raised your arm to get it from the level that was clearly too high for you. Thankfully, someone reached over your head and helped you obtain the book. You turned around to say thank you but instead were suddenly pushed back into the shelf by the taller figure with neat red strands. Speechless, you only held your book close and gaped at him, as he leaned forward.

‘Ever heard about the cat killed by curiosity?’ He hummed, eyes piercing you from above.

You swallowed, knees getting weaker as you registered the fresh musky smell coming off of his brightly colored shirt.

To push your buttons, he decided to get even more scandalously close to you, arm holding onto the rack behind you to keep balance.

‘Nothing wrong with being curious!’ You jabbered. ‘In fact, if people preserved the curiosity they have as kids they would’ve had a much bigger learning capacity as adults.’

He huffed. You weren’t sure if he was shocked or amused, because your eyes looked anywhere but his face. In fact, they lowered enough to fix on your forearm, resting across his rib cage, and your fist pressing slightly into his pec to keep him at least at a minimal distance.

At this you gasped, eyes widening and returning to his face, only to catch an inquisitive spark in his retinas as he nudged the lip ring with his tongue. Sighing, he took a step back, finally allowing some space between you.

‘Can’t write a philosophy essay with this, little flower,’ he chuckled. ‘Or if you can… I’d be impressed.’

You looked down in confusion, understanding that the book you were holding was from a Botanics section. ‘The Oxford Book of Wild Flowers’, read the title.

But… How did he know about your philosophy assignment?

***

Only later had Baekhyun confessed that he had had an eye on you for a while by the time this incident took place, but the moment of your outburst was what got to him. When he looked down at your cornered form, holding a book to your chest so innocently, and keeping him away instinctively with one arm. He had to bite his tongue to prevent a smile from making its way onto his face. That was it for him, and even though he wanted to avoid you and keep interactions with you to an absolute minimum, he couldn’t help but find ways to draw your attention. Like that one time, when you walked out of the library because the loud noises from the outside made your concentration for the night crumble.

The source of that noise was, in fact, a certain convertible, blasting the music for the entire campus to hear. You would have come up to complain that your studying was cut short if you didn’t have perfect eyesight. It allowed you to see that there was a red-haired problem sat in the car, with a bare foot resting lazily against the panel. Ready to run the other way, you turned around, meeting a solid chest with your forehead. You discovered that it was a rather cheerful guy in the same year as you, Jongin, and the other one with him was Sehun. And those two stalled you long enough for Baekhyun to make an entrance.

It was the first time he tried asking you out. And got rejected.

However, as much as you wanted to take ownership of that and say that you were playing hard to get when you walked off and left him stunned by your refusal, that was not the case. This guy made your throat go dry at the mere sight of him! He was way too handsome, and he also looked kind of… well, he looked like he’d break your heart without thinking twice about it. And that you couldn’t allow.

But then again, good girls do tend to fall for bad boys. Or was he only pretending to be bad? You’d never heard anything that discredited him, except for the way he stared people down sometimes. That once happened to a fellow student in your class. After he sat next to you during lunch.

Actually, almost the entire week following that incident you had lunch alone because everyone kept making excuses to sit elsewhere. That was how you became friends with Jongin and Sehun. Having had a few classes together, you were more or less acquainted with each other, so you didn’t mind when Jongin suddenly appeared out of nowhere with a tray and asked you if they could join. He even had lunch with you when Sehun wasn’t around – you figured that it made Jongin even more chatty. So much so, that one day he leaned across the table to get slightly closer, and used his most clandestine voice on you.

‘You know, hyung could burn a hole in anyone next to you with his glare, but I’m immune to his ‘charms’, thankfully,’ he giggled and added, ‘Still, I think you should give him a chance. Baekhyun’s a good guy, and he’s kinda torn as it is. Asking you out was a pretty big step for him.’

Honestly, you had a hard time believing that. Baekhyun… was probably the kind of guy, who never even had to ask. You could look around and easily spot a dozen eyes that were fixed on him at this very moment. Why in the world would he want to date you, clearly not the ‘easy-going’ party type? He probably wanted to get into your pants just for sport, like the rest of the pretty boys.

‘Whatever you’re thinking, it’s far from the truth. Ugh, Junmyeon will kill me for this!’ Jongin cursed himself and continued, before you could ask. ‘Hyung looks rough around the edges, but he’s really a softie. Trust me on this.’

‘Are you his wingman or something?’ You snorted dubiously, getting a little timid from this discussion.

‘Ha, are you kidding? He’s gonna strangle me if he finds out. Like I said, he’s torn between staying away from you and persisting in his efforts to take you out. Just think about it,’ he ended with an attempted (but failed) wink.

As if to take away your chance to process the unexpected input, Jongin shoved Baekhyun in your direction the very next day. Disappearing from the cafeteria right after, of course. Envy his subtlety. But, apparently, what he said earlier had an effect, so you only nodded when a flustered figure asked for permission to sit with you. He looked quite different from the previous times you saw him up close – much less confident and intimidating. But he seemed sincere when he said he just wanted one chance.

And that was how your relationship picked up. It took a whirlwind course from the very beginning, and the hot summer before your second year of university was the most torturous time ever for the both of you. Still wary of getting played, you only trusted Baekhyun enough to get intimately close months and months into dating. And he was patient with you, going at a slow pace, letting you pull away whenever you wanted. Until you didn’t want to anymore.

That last leap of faith was a beginning in itself – a true beginning of you and Baekhyun. The final seal was broken, and you entrusted yourself fully to him, which he repaid by showering you in his affection and feelings that he himself had not come to acknowledge just then.

After a year together, you were not simply allowed into the inner circle, but also educated about the special abilities that Baekhyun and his friends had. You were first interrogated by their leader, Junmyeon, who wanted to make sure you had no ulterior motives and were not going to tell a living soul about them. He called it ‘a quick chat’ as he dragged you in a scarcely furnished room where he sat you down at the small metal table across from him. The leader asked you questions and tried reading your verbal and non-verbal cues, so it was clearly an interrogation. Junmyeon was pretty experienced in this, so he could instantly tell that you were harmless. And you also passed the test, answering the most ridiculous questions about Baekhyun – apparently, that was to make sure you were not ‘faking it’ – so, he accepted you into their family.

However, knowing too much was dangerous, so you only learned about their powers and how they came from the so-called EXO Planet when they were young (talk about dating an alien!), and that the organization they called ‘the Red’ amongst themselves wanted to hunt them down. They also used to be held hostage by these people – and that was just about as much you knew about the issue because Baekhyun kept you away from the ‘unnecessary details’. He only told you that they seemed to be hidden well in this town, surrounded by just enough people to blend in and disappear. And you worried, always, because you knew too little about the dangers surrounding the group, and even less about how you could contribute to their safety.

Baekhyun laughed when you once brought it up, finding your concern nothing but cute.

‘You don’t have to worry about it, flower. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe, not the other way around,’ he then said, playing with the curly ends of your hair.

You frowned at that. Why was it not your job to take care of him? If you could help, you wanted to help. But he always brushed you off, saying that the only thing you should do to help is staying out of trouble. Like that was a challenge – you either studied or hung out with him and his friends, not much room to stir trouble. The only other person you talked to regularly was your roommate, and she was also pretty harmless.

As time went by, you got closer to your own graduation, basically, one year left before you had to figure it out for yourself again. Your boyfriend was always supportive, but you couldn’t help but wonder how he imagined your future. He was always up to something but never shared it with you since it was ‘nothing for you to worry about’. Had he not shown you his actual abilities before, you would’ve certainly thought that it was a crazy lie he told you to cover up for some kind of illegal activity. In reality, some illegal activities were going on, especially since hacking and cracking was one of Minseok’s specialties (but mostly because they needed to keep their identities out of sight). Another reason why they didn’t all go to the same school when they arrived, and also why they changed their appearance ever so often. The lucky mullet was long gone by the time you had your first Christmas together, and you had had the pleasure of seeing him in multiple hair colors throughout almost three years of your relationship. Notably, the first dozen or so make-out sessions you had with him took place when he had just cut his hair and dyed it pitch black. And he still wore his fake lip ring at the time, which was an experience in itself. He did know how to use his mouth…

Admittedly, you were kind of used to being the object of the boys’ shameless teasing every time you hung out together. The way Baekhyun kept you close and fussed about everything was, apparently, atypical for their usually chill and humorous hyung. He was their second-in-command, after all, the genius behind the strategic planning of the group, and the mind that kept them hidden for so long in one place.

Because of you.

One of the boys had previously let it slip that they hadn’t lived anywhere for that long before, maybe not even for one full year. But this time Baekhyun was determined to stay for a while, now that he had an anchor.

But the day came. When he found out that they might’ve been compromised, he got scared. The way he’d never feared anything before. And he’d been through a lot, to put it mildly. Baekhyun could maintain a cold and sharp mind at all times, that was his thing, but not when it came to you. Once he figured out that there was a real chance, that they could’ve found the EXO hideout and, thus, could connect you to the boys, he couldn’t think straight. Overwhelmed by a sudden panic, he sought advice from the leader.

‘You know it’s not me who’s supposed to decide,’ Junmyeon sighed, looking at his disheveled second. ‘I told you a relationship wasn’t a good idea. I also think that keeping her close means putting her life in jeopardy.’

His words were cutting through Baekhyun as he paced the room, long fingers grasping his own hair.

‘But it still may be a safer option than leaving her here,’ the leader added, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘We need to relocate fast, and you have the ‘better of two evils’ situation on your hands.’

‘I know I should leave her,’ Baekhyun stopped in his tracks, turning his head to the leader. ‘But what if they already know, hyung?’

‘Minseok had every trace of her erased, not a single camera in town had a glimpse of her with you. They might have found our footprints in the sand, but those don’t necessarily lead to her. I suppose they should move on as soon as they come here and realize that we’re nowhere around.’

‘Most likely, but what if-’

‘They can very well catch up to us while we run. Like I said, there isn’t a right answer, but a choice. And I think that you’ve already made it when you should give her a voice, too,’ the leader pushed.

‘I-’ Baekhyun turned away to hide the glassy eyes from Junmyeon. ‘I have to give her a chance, hyung. I cannot sentence her to a lifetime of running and danger. And I know she’s silly enough to throw herself into it if she has a say in this.’

‘And if you’re wrong? You’re going to break her heart as a precaution?’

‘She won’t die from a broken heart. Can you imagine what they’d do to her if they find out?’

Junmyeon bit his lip. This time, the choice was completely out of his hands. He thought his second was making a mistake, but it was not his place to decide. Exhaling again, he nodded.

‘Tell her in the morning. We’re moving out as soon as the rain starts.’

>> Chapter 2

A/N: So, what do you think? This is more of an introductory chapter, I know, but it covers quite a lot of their relationship with Baek. You must be excited to see where this goes and when Baёk appears? Or if Baekhyun is coming back? Me too, me too 🙈

[bookofmirth]

ok so this might come off as a bit rambly so please bear with me lol

i've noticed that the acotar fandom has this incessant need to be right when it comes to canon and it really sucks out the funness of fandom. shipping is supposed to be fun but when it comes to this fandom, it's almost like a competition to see who will be more right when the books come out. engaging with theories/predictions about characters and the plot is supposed to be exciting but when it comes to this fandom, some of the theories/predictions are problematic at worst and nonsensical at best. like how can you say with your full chest that you're so confident about where the series is heading in the future because of this or that theory when you're stuck in the past and refuse to see what all of the text is telling you in the present. it doesn't make sense. the selective reading is so strong that it has me looking sideways sometimes lol

i guess my question is why do you think the fandom is so divided when it comes to ships right now? i've seen people say this wasn't the case for feysand and nessian, so what's the difference here?

Oh boy Brielle, I have some thoughts on this. It's complex.

To be clear, I am not saying that this applies to literally every single person who ships a certain way. This is a commentary on the fandom as a whole, and there are always exceptions.

This got really, really long, so I'm putting it under the cut.

I think that one of the main draws of this series, and of sjm's writing in general, is her ships. I think that people get very, very attached to their ships.

I also think that sjm does NOT fully think through some of the choices that she makes when writing. See: the way that she takes from all these different cultures and mashes them together, which could be seen as disrespectful of their origin. She has retconned things, like Mor being queer and Lucien being Helion's son. I think that she thoroughly thinks about some of the aspects of her books, like Rhys's reaction to sleeping with Feyre for the first time, but then really half-asses other aspects of her books, like Mor coming out.

Then, we have your good old misogyny and homophobia - people in the fandom don't like Mor because she hurt the poor bat boy's feelings when she didn't sleep with him, and they don't have a mating bond, but she's never really told Azriel "no", and so every single moment of pain that Azriel has felt in 500 years is Morrigan's fault. And Mor's experience as a closeted queer woman who feels unsafe around the people she should trust the most is completely disregarded by the fandom.

Finally, I think that a combination of these factors has created the monster we know as e*riel, and that the fandom is perpetuating its own mythology.

What all of this comes down to, and the real reason I think that the fandom is behaving this way right now, is that e*riel is dead. It's never happened, it's not going to happen, but because we don't have the clear closure we got with moriel (where people would be accused of homophobia for continuing to ship it), people are still trying to figure out any possible way for e*riel to become canon, though every single sign points to it being a non-issue.

This weird thing where people have to be "right" all the time, and the way that "right" = "canon" is a relatively new development. It's as if everyone in this fandom forgot that they are in fact in a fandom, which inherently diverges from canon.

However, I think that the need to cling to canon is because the alternative would be to admit defeat and say "well, even if it doesn't happen I will still ship e*riel, it's fine, I will live with that." But they don't want to do that. In response, they look at canon so hard that they are reading the white space between the letters to create their theories, which as you noted as largely nonsensical and often fail to take into account who the characters are as individuals, how they are connected to other characters, and why it would or wouldn't be appropriate for them to be involved in various plots.

People could say, as eluciens having been saying since day one, "I really ship this thing but I can see that it might not become canon". But they don't say that. They literally refuse to see any other possibility than e*riel becoming canon.

You pointed out that people are stuck in the past - absolutely. The number of reimaginings I have seen of scenes where either Azriel or Elain has literally zero to do with the scene, but people try to shove one or both of them in there. And this from books ago. People are stuck on the Truthteller scene, and refuse to acknowledge that neither of them have acted on their feelings, whatever those might be, for years. And they ignore the fact that once Elain and Az do act, it goes horribly wrong.

Here are the facts as of right now:

ACOSF is the most recent book. In that book, sans extra chapter, those two had no interaction other than looking at one another.

If we include his POV, then he said it was wrong, we got confirmation that nothing has ever happened between them, she returned his necklace. Elain was aroused, but that does not mean she was ready to even have sex. "Yes" to a kiss is not "yes" to every single sexual act Az can think of. They parted on awkward, bad terms after a scene in which it seemed like they were about to start something. Yikes. Unlike Wings and Embers, they did not end that chapter still thinking of one another. After they part ways, the omniscient narrator does not mention Elain, or Az thinking about Elain, again.

His POV occurs months before the end of the book. They do not interact after that.

Elain has a mate she has not rejected, nor accepted.

So anyway, your question was why are people like this. lol. I think the fandom created a monster, and that monster is clinging to life. It can't accept the idea of morphing into a non-canon ship, though it never was canon in the first place. It had just convinced itself that it was.

There are other aspects to this, that have to do with gwynriel and elucien.

Gwynriel is a new ship, it's almost guaranteed to happen, people are super excited to ship it and give Gwyn all their love. I'm sure they would rather create content for that ship than argue about whether or not it's going to be canon, but they are in constant defense mode. Some people honestly didn't like e*riel before because they don't like Elain, or because they don't like Azriel, and those are valid reasons for not liking it. Why people ship gwynriel doesn't matter. The tone of the discussion is, unfortunately, being shaped elsewhere, which I will mention below.

Elucien is an old ship, older than e*riel. I can speak from this perspective - personally, I have been holding my tongue for 4.5 years. I have been letting people live, and just talking about the things I like. Then when acosf came out, it was like I could finally say all the things I had been thinking about Azriel, because I now had proof that the things I thought about his character (and because of that, about e*riel) now had solid canon foundation. This is 4.5 years of me holding in a lot of shit and finally being able to say it. Sometimes yes, I might take joy in having been right.

I think that a few people are clinging to canon, and that sets the tone for the discourse in the fandom. Someone says "according to page whatever, blah blah blah" and people feel the need to respond, and then it turns into and "I'm right" contest instead of... a fandom... A lot of us like debating. To me, it's fun. But when Person A starts a conversation that's about canon and it actually ignores canon, it's hard to let that conversation go by and just keep creating whatever we want to create. Instead, we respond, and so the tone of the conversation is shaped by what Person A decided to say.

I also think that there is a lack of distinction between theories (what will happen in the future) and meta (analysis of what we have now).

There is also a lack of "I" statements. Opinions are being stated as fact.

idk if there is a way to make it better, other than to just go back to ignoring one another. This whole situation makes me want to throw out every single canon ship I like and create exclusively non-canon content, just for spite. Except I really like doing meta, and so I don't want to. I guess for my point, I'll just keep doing meta, keep creating different content, and keep reminding people that they aren't here to continue perpetuating canon, but to play with it.