#oitnb season four

[rockclimbinglover12107]

Unpopular OITNB opinions because I’m bored and procrastinating

I had little to no interest in Taystee and found her outright annoying at times. She was okay in the earlier seasons and my idea of her was that she was good character that I didn’t like due to personal preference. However, in the later season, I felt that she could be irritating, irrational and depressing in an unenjoyable way and that she got far too much screen time for what I considered to be a rather dull plot.

I find it hilarious when people try to complain about people on the show being mean or bad people. Like yes, that’s why 99% of them have landed themselves in prison. The funniest examples of this complaint are when people say that Lorna, someone who grew up Italian-American in New York, could sometimes say racist things or when Flaritza, two girls who probably couldn’t even legally drink before they went to prison and, in Maritza’s case at least, didn’t seem to have parents who cared for them, could sometimes be bitchy and immature. These comments are even funnier when whoever says this then goes on to say that they love Frieda, Carol and Barb.

In my personal opinion, Season 2 was the best season quality-wise but Season 4 was better when it came down to drama and entertainment. Season 3 was actually one of my favourites aside from Alex’s whole paranoid arc and I didn’t really mind the panty storyline. Season 1 was obviously good, if a little slow and boring at first. Season 5 shouldn’t have dragged on for so long, if they were only going to cover three days, although I probably would have enjoyed it if it hadn’t felt so absurd and weird compared to previous seasons. Season 7 was depressing trauma porn from start to finish and Season 6 was dreadful n every single way and a terrible conclusion for the riot.

I felt like the family dynamics became way less cohesive it’s the show progressed and people that had once gotten on perfectly well were suddenly at each other’s throats and vice versa. A good example of this was Spanish Harlem which went from a clearly outlined family where Aleida and Gloria acted as parents, Blanca was not a part of the group and the other four ( Maria, Daya, Maritza and Flaca ) pretty much did whatever Aleida said. Contrast this to Season 4/5 where Aleida leaves but Flaritza and Maria don’t seem to even notice, Gloria just let’s Maria have control over Harlem with no complaints whatsoever, Maria and Maritza seem to be at each other’s throats one second and back to there seemingly rather good Season 2/3 friendship the next, Blanca is suddenly an active member of the group and Gloria only cares about Daya. This faulty dynamic is true for all of the other groups as well, and never gets the chance to recover after they are sent to Max.

I didn’t like how some of the seriously traumatic stuff that happened to some of these characters, especially in Season 4, was never addressed by the show again and seemed to forgotten after the episode ended by both the writers and the character themself. You’re telling me that Maritza was creeped on, forced to eat a live animal, held at gunpoint and repeatedly harassed but she bounced back after throwing up like twice and hugging Flaca. In reality, she would probably take a long while to recover or feel truly comfortable in her own skin again, maybe even experiencing some PTSD, which could have been an interesting storyline to take her character down through Season 5, instead of relegating her back to comedy bits and pop culture references.

That’s all my opinions for now, although I will probably make a Part 2 for this post. Hope you agreed with at least one of my takes and that you don’t want to kill me for some of the things I said.

[celestial-vapidity]

Bury Your Gays; Bury Your Gayety: Some Thoughts On OITNB Seasons 3-5

We all know that ‘burying your gays’ is a real thing in a lot of media these days, whether it’s subtle or not. There’s also been a lot of burying your gayety (the state or quality of being lighthearted or cheerful.), interspersed or combined with fiction and the ‘bury your gays’ trope. I’m pretty sure that I’m in the minority opinion here, but I’m done with OITNB. 

I’m kinda mad. Because seasons 1-2 were fantastic. They had their angst, but it was few and far between, and it was interspersed with comedy. Things were rarely high-stakes. 

Believe me, I understand that in order to have a good drama series, you have to have stakes. But, honestly, they don’t have to always be life or death. I think that the writers (and many of the fans) of OITNB are forgetting that OITNB is also classified as a comedy show. Season 3-5 have just been horrible angst bombs with little or no happy stuff or comedy relief whatsoever. Which is really upsetting. I was already debating not even watching season 5, simply because seasons 3-4 were so dark. I know many people actually did abandon the show after season 4, because of it’s content, particularly Poussey’s death. But I got about half way through season 5, and decided ‘nope, I’m out.’ Because it’s too damn sad. 

Most people, including myself, enjoy fiction (and I know OITNB is based on an autobiography, but most of what happens in the show is fiction, I believe) because it allows us to escape all the sad and upsetting shit of real life. And you can’t escape that if it’s all a show has to offer. (I know that when I get sad, particularly if it’s because of a piece of fiction, I actually get physically sick. Weird, I know.) 

In seasons 3-5 it’s so painful to watch. You just want something good to happen. And then something good happens, and you’re happy for a while. But then it’s always ruined by the next episode and it gets more and more painful every time. 

Whether it’s a character dying just when their life seems to be getting better (like Poussey), horrible people getting to torture other characters (like with Humps), or even your favorite characters experiencing heartbreak after heartbreak with no signs of stopping (like Nicky). I’ve heard people say that they’ve had to stop watching shows they love simply because it becomes too much and too dark. And I’ve never experienced that until now. And it’s sad because I’ve watched this show for a long time. I love writing and reading fics for it, and talking about headcanons with people. 

But there comes a point when enough is enough. I mean, in season 3, it was a continuous punch to the face, season 4 was even worse, and season 5 is more like a stab to the face than a punch. Honestly, I’m done watching anything past seasons 1-2 for now. If, at some point, the show ends and it ends happily for all the characters I care about, then I might finish it then. But for now, I’m done with seasons 3-onward. Anyway, that’s just my opinion. I’m not trying to start any discourse, I’m just stating my thoughts, so please don’t give me hate for this. It’s ok to disagree with me, just don’t be an asshole about it.

[orangeisthenewblackimagines]

You Again pt 1

a/n: I know Stella was introduced in season 3, but just pretend pornstache is still at the prison and hasn’t been caught yet. also, Stella and piper aren’t a ‘thing’ in this

~~~

if you want a part two just msg me :)

Word count: 1.6k

~~~

The cracking brick around you reminded where you were. You were at Litchfield prison. You had never been to prison, you had never done anything wrong in your life. Except what landed you in here.

“Miss Y/n, we need to speak to you.” the police knocked on your door, before rushing in. “What’s wrong officers?” you had recently gotten out of the shower, a large t-shirt hung on your shoulders. They had dogs with them. Drug sniffing dogs. “Do you mind if we search your house?” One officer raised an eyebrow, probably conspicuous about why you had just taken a shower. “Of course go ahead”

It was a nightmare. They found drugs in your house. Drugs you didn’t know existed. You hadn’t seen anyone that was linked to drugs in months.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law.” Handcuffs were slapped on your wrists as you were dragged into the cop car.

And here you were, two months after the ordeal. You got charged with drug trafficking for the amount of drugs found in your house. Changing into an orange jumpsuit and leaving all your personal belongings behind. It’s not like you had many friends, and your parents move away from you when you started to work more.

“Since you’ve arrived at such an inconvenient time of night, Mr Mendez here will be showing you your cell, luckily a spot” A heavily moustached man had a stern look, and grabbed your upper arm. The first officer walked away as the man bent down so his mouth was inline with your ear, “You know that orange jumpsuit would look great on my floor” He licked the lobe of your ear. You shivered. “Where’s my cell?” You asked. You just wanted to get away from this creepy man. “Fine” He snarled, “This way inmate” you held your stuff tightly to your chests his grip increased. “Cell Block A Inmate” His voice was gruff now.

Heavy doors were pushed in front of you as you were lead to the front.

“Ladies! We have a new inmate. She’ll be in 32B”

He released the grip on your arm and winked before leaving to go behind the glass wall to watch you all.

You followed along, looking for the cement block of 32B. 

“You’re new here. What’s your name?” A girl with black hair and glasses spoke, peaking over the wall, “Last name” The girl behind her with blond hair added.

“Y/L/N” You spoke, “Say…Do you know where cell 32B is?”

The black haired sniggered, “I’m Vause, That’s Chapman” She smiled, “You said your is 32B right?”

You nodded, the stuff from your arms slipping, “Good job. You got paired with the Tattooed kangaroo. The cell is two down from this one, along the wall. You missed supper so I’d suggest just taking a shower to take away the hunger before lights out”

“Okay, thanks”

You shuffled over to the farthest cement cubicle, when you stepped through the gap, the far side had a stack of books, and some drawings taped on the walls. Well you didn’t get to choose the bed. That sucks.

You tossed the blanket and pillow onto the bed, and straightened it up so the bed was made.

You pocked your head over the half wall, “Vause.. Where are the showers?”

“Through the left door by the office” A muffled voice responded, clearly ticked off that you disturbed whatever they were doing.

You walked towards the door quickly, the moustached man grinned at you again, you shuddered.

You stepped into the showering cube. They’re wasn’t many stalls with curtains. There were at least four people showering. You grabbed a towel, and grabbed a covered stall as quickly as you could. you didn’t want to be naked and vulnerable in front of people already. You hung your jumpsuit on the hook outside the shower, and left the towel draped over the side. You turned the know left as the icy water changed to lukewarm. You hadn’t been able to have a shower in two weeks. You had felt, smelt and looked terrible since your court hearing.

you let the water run down your back, humming along to whatever song was in your head. You hadn’t gotten any shampoo yet, only soap, so had tried to wash your hair as much as possible.

Your muscles relaxed, eye closing as you took a deep breath. You were going to be here for a long time. Reality still hadn’t set in.

“Hey, want to hang out tonight”

“Uh sure” you blushed.

You never really hung out with anyone, but when your cute neighbour had asked you over you wouldn’t deny the offer.

Both sitting on the couch, a pizza on the way, you watched whatever comedy movie was on.

When the doorbell rang they went to go get it.

You blinked slowly. If you hadn’t gone over, then maybe your life would be different. You wouldn’t be in jail now and maybe you’d have a normal life.

“Y/n where are you going?”

“I can’t do this! We’ve lived across from each other since high school. I’m sorry but I can’t be hanging out with drug lords!”

They sighed, “Please I’m not this person. I don’t deal. This is my fathers doing”

“I can’t, I’m sorry”

You left, running over to your house, closing your door loudly. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t see them again.

You stepped out of the shower, coiling and twisting the water out of your hair, wrapping your towel around you securely.

Humming your way over to the sink, you looked at yourself in the mirror.

wow you looked like shit.

“Damn.” A skinny, heavily tattooed blonde looked at you, “What are you in for sweetheart?”

Everything of hers was on display, You turned around so you could focus on yourself.

“Hey!” The woman shouted, pulling your shoulder to turn you around, “I’m talking to you”

She pushed you back so your back dug into the counter.

Her blue eyes stared at you menacingly.

“What are you in for, Sweetheart?” her words rolled off the tongue with spite.

Your lips twitched, “I’m sorry. I’m new. If you could please not invade my personal space”

She grinned, “Babe of course I’m going to invade your personal space.” some of her teeth were yellow.

“Excuse me?”

A different voice other than the woman spoke, and it wasn’t yours. There was a distinctive accent.

“Who are you?” The blonde woman turned around to face the other.

“I’ll be your worst fucking enemy if you don’t back off of her”

“Pftt yeah right, I’d love to see you try.”

“You want to be in the hospital?” The accented woman spoke up.

The blonde took this as a treat and turned around to walk off, “You watch out wallaby”

You looked at your feet, re-ajusting your towel, “Thanks”

“No problem” She walked over to the sink new to yours, not looking at you yet.

You were drying yourself off when you looked up to see who saved you.

“shit” You stumbled to grab all your things.

“What? I like to air dry” She patted her skin softly, looking down, “Sensitive skin-”

She slicked her hair back and looked over at you.

“Y/n?” her blue eyes turned darker.

“shit.” You swore again, “You know what I have to go-”

“Why the hell are you in here?” she furrowed her eyebrows.

“As if you don’t know” You scoffed.

“Please! Why do you think I got caught for the drugs mm? You told them didn’t you?” Stella was still angry about what happened two years ago.

“Stell, I didn’t. And besides I got arrested since you put drugs in my house! They think I’m a fucking drug lord.”

“Don’t call me Stell. It’s Carlin in here, we don’t know each other. You screwed me over and that’s why you’re in here now. What’s it called again,” She tilted her head to the side, “Karma”

“I didn’t tell anyone! Don’t you get that? I’m in here because I didn’t tell them anything. You planted drugs in my house.”

She laughed annoyed, “We both know I wouldn’t do that to you. Good luck in prison Y/L/N”

She grabbed a towel and clothes and walked off. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror, frustrated.

She obviously planted the drugs. You didn’t know anyone else who was into drug trafficking.

stella’s p.o.v

she walked off in a hurry, hair whipping behind her.

fuck.

“What the hell?” I looked at the men who were carrying large boxes.

“Your father instructed us to bring them. Since you’re staying in America he wants you to build the business here.”

I sighed, “Look, I don’t really have time for this. You guys figure it out”

I walked out the door, locking it behind me. I looked over at her house, the only light that was on was the bathroom light and she looked like she was huddled over the sink.

shit did I make her cry?

pfft, yeah right. Planted drugs in her house.

I shook my head, tossing the ugly tan outfit on.

y/n’s p.o.v

you got the vibrant outfit back on, towel drying your hair, then you tied it back.

32B, 32B…

you walked back to your cell, as you kept chanting in your head to remember.

32B..

you stop in front of the cell to see the one person you didn’t want to share a cell with.

stella.

She looked up from her book and smirked. “Welcome roomie. What’s your name?” all her teeth showed, but her eyes hid something.

It ticked you off that she was pretending your past didn’t happen. Others were looking so you couldn’t call her out on it.

“Y/L/N” You sneered.

This was going to be hell.

[ohbutwebestmakepeacewithit]

I’m in love

[ohbeauregard]

[zutaralesbian]

top 5 non-canon ships you'd make canon, top 5 characters you'd save from dying

Thanks! :)

Top 5 non-canon ships you'd make canon:

1. Zuko and Katara (ATLA)

Well, this one is kinda complicated I guess lol. I obviously wish they were canon but at the same time I do kind of think it's a good thing they aren't? As much as I love ATLA I think it sucked at handling romance (with the exception of Sukka) so the writers may have very well handled Zutara badly if it had been canon. Plus the ship not being canon is at least partially why it has the amazing fanworks that it does. Still in my eyes they are the greatest ship that never was!

2. Buffy & Faith (BTVS)

The enemies to lovers are that should have happened.

3. Damon & Bonnie (TVD)

This is another case of 'the writers probably would have fucked it up if it was canon' scenario but idc the reaction from the DE fan base alone with have been worth it lmao. And Bonnie deserved to have a romance with a character she had chemistry with and wasn't irrelevant.

4. Grace & Frankie (G&F)

This is one that actually kind of frustrates me because it so clearly SHOULD be canon. The subtext is all there. But the writers are probably cowards and think that one gay couple on the show is enough.

5. ???? I think that's it for major ships. Most of my otps are at least canon if not endgame. But shout outs to Fiona/Nessa (Shameless US), Lola/Elizabeth (Reign), and Bonnie/Nora (TVD)

Top 5 characters you'd save from dying:

1. Eleanor Guthrie (Black Sails)

Honestly while Black Sails is overall a pretty solid show, I don't think I'll ever be able to do a full rewatch again and one of the reasons is because the treatment of Eleanor makes me too angry lmao. Paired off with two awful men and then made pregnant just so her death would be more 'painful' for her awful husband. Eleanor deserved better and fuck the Black Sails fandom for always justifying her treatment in the final season.

2. Tara Knowles (Sons of Anarchy)

God another one that makes me see red when I think about it. She was killed for Jax's man pain even though he treated her like shit for 95% of their onscreen relationship. They had her killed in such a needlessly brutal way. They had Gemma be the one to kill her (who used to be my second favorite character on the show) and ruined the great a nd complex Tara/Gemma dynamic they had going in the first four seasons. Basically this death destroyed multiple things for me.

Also Jax's overall character arc would have been 100% more powerful if Tara had lived. Just imagine him finding a way to help Tara be able to take the kids and run. But he doesn't follow them because he realizes he's become too much of a monster and wants them to be safe. Like, that actually would have made me feel something for him.

3. Poussey Washington (OITNB)

The show was going downhill before it happened but her death was the final nail in the coffin for me. I could never enjoy it the same way again. They killed her when she was finally finding happiness again :(

Also, while I don't want to speak too much on the message they were trying to send with her death since I am white, I was pretty uncomfortable that they spent so much time on trying to make everyone feel sorry for the guard that killed her in the season afterwards.

4. Finnick Odair (The Hunger Games)

Suzanne Collins killed him off because she knew he was a fan favorite and wanted to make Mockingjay as depressing as possible. So needless. And another character that died right as he was finding some happiness :(

5. Tara Maclay (BTVS)

One of the older victims of the bury your gays trope. A sweetheart who deserved better :( While my feelings about Tillow are complicated after the shit Willow pulled in S6, I still kind of think they should have been endgame you know?

Honorable mentions: Glenn Rhee (TWD), Carl Grimes (TWD), Catelyn Stark (asoiaf), Miranda Barlow (Black Sails), Adam Torres (Degrassi)

While I may not have changed the fact that Padme died in Star Wars (just because her death is kind of narratively important) I would change the way she died. George Lucas really wanted me to believe that she 'lost the will to live' because Anakin fell to the dark side????? Nah. She deserved to go out like a boss. I follow the theory that Palpatine killed her via the force by draining her life source to revive Anakin as Darth Vader, but that's not technically canon.

[senseiwu]

One of the worst freaking scenes is seeing red get beaten up and norma's left to watch crying like frick man i freaking hate vee turning taystee and poussey against each other brainwashing suzanne or something and freaking that?? twice?? i hate her good on rosa for doing what she did vee deserved it

[macaronsplusscotch]

look guys a pineapple! yes! and I did read the books they were nice, kass morgan is talented🤍

@portraitdelajeunefilleenfeu

because bellamy totally murdered. yknow who else did? Lexa, Clarke, Raven, Octavia, Abby, Kane, Indra, Jaha, Murphy, Echo, Pike, Finn, Jasper, you name a character they totally committed murder in spades (except Wells. he was and angel)

while you’re at it making your point about “skyrocketing views” you can fall on that double edged sword that you pineapples abandoned the show when Lexa was unceremoniously killed.

yknow who kept the show running for four more seasons after your precious kru left? bellarke. (octavia stans and raven stans too ngl)

and i don’t want to hear shit about the w/w representation because it’s inarguable that it was shitty and toxic representation that w/w did not deserve because w/w love isn’t inherently toxic and dramatic and abusive from the excuse that ~women are emotional and dramatic~. it was almost as bad as piper and alex from oitnb.

also on the vein of being supporting of lgbtqia+ representation a lot of you pineapples are BRAZENLY BIPHOBIC and occasionally as racist as jrot.

no one dumped on clexas except Jason and maybe twitter stans (i think? bc twitter stan culture is super toxic) especially not 5 years on because much like clarke and the whole cast we moved on from her death soon after, more preoccupied and all that.

i mean that said...

Aren’t you pineapples sad you didn’t get endgame either? you got some perverse contortion of closure but definitely not endgame. Bellarke was always prepared to not be canon because they’d always said no and skirted around the issue and their engaged in the books so it’s fine. The main issue is that he’s dead. Just as dead as Lexa.

[lesbian-revolt]

Listen, four years ago there was no Rupphire on Steven universe. There was no pearl in love with rose quartz. bubbeline may as well have been some far off galaxy for all the hope we ever had of seeing it become canon. Lexa would die on the 100 a year later, Poussey from OITNB would follow not far behind, and Root of POI would go with them. Swanqueen fans were being laughed out of Cons, Rizzles fans had all but abandoned the show in its downward spiral, and I could go on and on and on. Just four years ago but it was a completely different era of television and story telling. The odds of korrasami becoming canon on that night 4 years ago were about the odds of winning a billion dollar lottery. If you’d told us that a wlw ship on a beloved children’s animated tv show on a mainstream network was about to become canon, you’d probably have been kindly but patronizingly patted on the head by all the seasoned wlw fans who’d been there before and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was just going to be the same old story. If we were lucky Korra and Asami would at least get to share a few lines before one of them waltzed off with Mako, and if we were even luckier, no one would end up with mako at all.

I think the most anyone looked forward to were the fix-it fics that would flood archiveofourown the next day.

I just... yeah all the canon wlw ships on television now...I love them and they’re special. But korrasami was different. Korrasami crash landed into our reality with no warning and no precedent. We’re all so familiar with the wanting and the dreaming and the feeling in our chests that’s so much. It’s so much and it hurts. The watching and waiting and recognizing the chemistry and settling with the knowledge that if just one of those women was a man, it wouldn’t even be a question. Everyone would already know. It would only be a matter of time.

Except this time. Gosh, this time. We were the ones. We were the ones who got closure. Korra and Asami were the ones who got to walk away into the sunset. We got the romantic tropes reserved almost solely for het couples, the slow burn, the quiet certain chemistry, the scene before the final cut that makes it absolutely canon, beyond a doubt. We get to imagine Korra and Asami happy and in love FOR REAL on the actual show, forever and ever and ever. In every possible future we imagine, we get to picture them together and in love and know that it’s true.

Ill just honestly never be over it. That giddy, nearly hysterical feeling of watching them walk into the portal for the first time that night four years ago will never ever leave me. We’re the luckiest sons of bitches ever, that we got korrasami before it was the “in” thing, before networks accepted they wouldn’t lose money, before most show writers were even willing to take a chance on a ship between two women. We got them because their chemistry was impossible to deny and their love ran deep and Bryke saw it and said yes, let’s do it because it’s important and it’s real and it matters. And who better to do it with than these two women who have been through so much and love so hard. They deserve nothing else but each other

[brittanaheya373]

Sidelines - a Vauseman fanvid

https://youtu.be/4aRlClz4uoQ

[saucyboulette]

Real, actual tears with this oitnb season. I love good content with critical commentary that makes me feel stuff. Their detention center for immigrants looks like the four seasons compared to what they're actually like, tho. They feed the detainees frozen meals .. that are still frozen. There's no "medical". They're just cages. Netflix is making it look way better than it is, and it's still devastating to watch, because you know thousands of real people are going through this right now.

[likeabxrdinflight]

the shadow weaver fascination has me going back and watching clips from season two of OITNB (I stopped watching after like...season four I think) and anyways WOW I forgot how genuinely terrifying Vee was o.O

[vausemania]

I have a theory about how they are going to handle Alex’s prison sentence. Because Piper was sentenced in late 2012, and shes served 15 months, in their timeline it is only around 2014. As a way for Alex to be free at the end of the season they may jump the timeline to present day, which I hope happens. It seems unlikely for them to finish with her still incarcerated.

Time, time, time....I’m getting so many questions about time + OITNB these days lol. A lot of the show /does/ have to do with time---e.g. the fact that they’re serving time in prison, the flashbacks in time, the theme song being “You’ve Got Time”, etc, etc. Anyway, back to your question! That would be interesting, but I think the show is only set 2 years in the past (see below), which would mean Alex still had more time to serve, even if the show jumped to present-day :/

One of the first reviews of s7 was “The Hollywood Reporter”’s and they said something interesting in their review: "...if you do the math and know that Orange Is the New Black is set a couple years in the past at this point".

Now, that bit in boldface (which is my emphasis) could be just a turn of the phrase...or it could mean that at some point in season 7, things will speed up (ie. flash-forward) significantly. A few other s7 reviews have said that Alex has *three* years left on her sentence and initially I thought there was a time-jump of a year....but now I’m not sure. Alex said she had four years left in episode 6x06 *but* Piper left prison four months later in 6x13, meaning Alex still had three years + a few months left by the end of season 6...and that might have just been rounded off to “three years”??

In any case, I don’t know if there is a time jump of any significance or not. I hope there is for the sake of Alex and all the other inmates who are still serving their prison sentences. Thanks for the ‘ask’!

[ajokeformur-ray]

I’m on season four of OITNB and I still don’t know if I like Piper... sometimes I like her and I’m like, ‘oh she’s not that bad’ but then she pulls that psycho look on her face and I just... ‘oh yeah’ about her. Mm. Opinions? Does she get any more likeable? 

[kingofpurpose]

[shnookumsandlovemuffin]

OITNB season 7: Read at your own risk SPOILERS AHEAD

So I was asked to discuss the leaked call sheets. I do want to discuss them a little bit but I’m not going to talk about some of the heavy spoilers that I saw. 

I’m going to call this post a SPECULATIVE SPOILER POST because after reading those call sheets I feel like I was able to connect the dots a little bit more to what might happen next season concerning Alex and Piper’s arc. So if these theories come true: SPOILERS if not than it was only SPECULATION. This is your last chance to back out and 3, 2, 1 Here we go...

Firstly let me just say back on the last episode of season 6 as Piper and Alex are saying goodbye at the table, a tiny thing made me just kind of think “No that’s a bad idea” and that was when Piper gave Alex her parents’ phone number. Cal and Neri, sure, absolutely. But foresight was telling me Piper’s parents being on Alex’s call list is going to be problematic. While Carol has decided to hop onboard the Vauseman ship Bill has yet to get with the fucking program.

So why am I bringing this up? Well in the call sheet it said Zelda invites Piper to come with her, Bill tells Piper she needs to be with someone whole not Alex. There’s even speculation that this woman Zelda was someone Bill setup for Piper. First of all what the hell does "someone whole” even mean? This line basically tells me that Bill is going to be a major antagonist next season for Piper, one of them at lest.

Bill does love his daughter that I have no doubt. But how things look are important to him too. Let’s be honest Bill hates the fact that Piper is with a woman but in his mind if Zelda is in fact someone he setup for Piper, he’s thinking okay my daughter’s with a woman this is embarrassing but there still might be someway to salvage this and save face. I know, if I convince Piper to be with a better woman, someone more accomplished and has their life together maybe she’ll come to her senses. Then this won’t look so bad.

Bill could totally sabotage Alex and Piper’s marriage with a simple phone conversation. Picture this:

Answer machine : An inmate from the maximum security prison is attempting to contact you to accept this call please press 1

Alex: Hello, Pipes?

Bill: Hi there, you must be Alex.

Alex: Uh hi, who’s this?

Bill: This is her father.

Alex: Oh, well, is Piper around can I talk to her?

Bill: She’s not here she went out with Zelda.

Alex: Zelda?

Bill: That’s right they left a few minutes ago

(awkward silence)

Bill: can I help you with something?

Alex: Um can you just...can you just tell her I called.

Bill: Uh listen Ms. Vause perhaps it would be better if you just didn’t call anymore. From what I hear you still have quite a bit of time. Four years is a long time to wait for someone. Piper will be putting her life on hold for you. All I’m saying is that maybe you should consider what’s best for her and allow her to go on with her life.

Alex: (irritated) Listen, can you just tell her I called please.

Bill: just think about it (hangs up)

Not saying this will happen but you see how this can go sideways?

Right now after reading the call sheets, taking a day to calm the fuck down and collect my thoughts, my final theory for the end of Alex and Piper’s story is strongly leaning towards more bittersweet: 

Alex sees the care package slips and cries in her bunk while McCullough looks on in sympathy

Larry gives Piper life’s lesson. Oh he knows her. Go do what Piper would do.

Piper driving down the highway but we don’t know where she‘s going during voice over.

 I’m starting to believe in the possibility that Alex might be getting transferred to another prison that’s further away to serve the rest of her time. Alex and Piper are already separated by distance and time as it is but this would be a truly heavy blow. If Alex receives news that she’s getting transferred I can see her slipping back into that realm of hopelessness. She might call Piper to tell her about it and might even try to push her away. This is a scene I can see happening just before the scene with her crying in her bunk. Piper would have a decision to make. 

Piper will probably seek to vent to someone or seek advice from people like Cal, Neri, Polly, even the most unlikely of people like Larry and her dad. This is where I think Bill saying that Piper needs to be with someone whole will come in to play and Larry telling her to do what Piper would do.

The biggest test for Alex and Piper next season is the strength of their commitment to each other despite the outside forces that threaten to separate them. How far is Piper willing to go for Alex? Piper possibly cheating isn’t even an issue for me because I’m confident that it’s not going to happen.

But let’s a take breath because this theory that I have might not even happen. There is still hope. The call sheets aren't in any sort of order and we don’t have all of them. Right now it’s like we’re all looking through a keyhole trying to interpret fragmented images and then jumping to conclusions before actually opening the door and seeing what’s on the other side.

 I know that I always say that if Alex and Piper aren't endgame by the end of the series I’m gonna hurt somebody, well technically when you think about it they already are endgame. They became endgame the moment they got married. They love each other, they are committed to each other. They are endgame. The question that remains now is will they be able to openly share in their love together on the outside. I’m going to leave you guys with this, no matter what happens  even if Piper and Alex aren't together on the outside they are still endgame. They are married, they love each other, they are together if not physically but in their hearts. Marriage is more than being in each other’s presence all the time it is a life time bond of commitment and love, being connected to someone by an invisible tether. Time and distance cannot change that.