#oh yowza

[romance-incubomp3]

SCREAMINGGGG

[attractthecrows]

be real fucked up if they brought the inquisitor back as an enemy if you drank from the well of sorrows wouldn't it

[uselessnocturnal]

what the fuck what thefcyk wha thfuCK DID I JUST LISTEN TO

[thescorpioking1983]

Dotenshi_96 🖤

[foldingfittedsheets]

I promised art!

Here's 20 minutes of @seassongbird very cute cat in a very silly pose.

[puzzlekinq]

literally use me as a fucktoy im so serious

[lilachobbit]

i’m actually such a whore for astarion it’s not even funny

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

steve lives to say ‘yes ma’am’ whenever your giving even an once of authority in his direction. he loves it

[coredrill]

i have been dragging my feet with Watching New Media since like. october of last year however in the last month i have watched or finished g gundam, guardians 3, gunbuster, diebuster, the rwby anime, the dnd movie, [REDACTED], shin kamen rider, and across the spiderverse and i feel like i gotta stretch out my brain to fit it all in there LMAO

[mrs-jamesbbarnes]

Just thinking how fine Henry Cavill looks in season 4 of the Tudors

[antisolanum]

I don't think the human knee is supposed to sound like that

[fear-is-truth]

⟢. 𝓢𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑻𝑺 — peter maximoff

𝜗𝜚 tags ; mature content﹒mdni﹒fem!reader﹒p in v

kinktober day three : aphrodisiacs

you’re standing in the kitchen, sorting through the groceries when you hear a familiar noise—like rapid munching. turning around, you catch sight of your boyfriend lying sprawled on the couch, stuffing his face with a box of what looked like chocolates. your stomach drops when you realise exactly what box it was.

“oh my god, please tell me you didn’t eat all of those!” you rush over, eyes wide as you snatched the empty box from his hands. he blinks up at you, a bit of chocolate smeared at the corner of his mouth.

“uh, yeah? you just had them lying around, and i was hungry… heh, sorry.” he swallowed. mouth agape, you simply stare at him.

“…peter, these weren’t regular chocolates. my friend gave these to me as a gag gift for april fool’s—they’re aphrodisiacs!” it takes a second for his brain to process the new information, eyes slowly widening as he looks from the empty box to you, then back to the box.

“hold on… you mean those kinds of chocolates? oh. oh shiiiiiit.” you drop your face into your hands with a groan. “yes, peter. and you just ate the entire box. like… the whole dang thing.”

he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, looking a tiny bit sheepish. “erm… what happens now? ‘cause, not gonna lie, i don’t feel any different.”

“yet.”

he looks like he was trying very hard to hold back a laugh, but it didn’t last.

“soooo…your best friend bought you sexy chocolates as a prank? that’s what we’re dealing with here?” you huff, plopping down next to him. “yes, okay? she thought it would be funny. i wasn’t actually planning on eating them.”

“well, now i’ve eaten them. what are we gonna do about it?” you rolled your eyes, poking him in the chest. “we? you’re the one who scarfed down a whole box of aphrodisiacs. this is a you problem now.” peter wiggled his eyebrows, trying to look sexy and seductive.

“oh, i don’t know… it might be an us problem real soon.”

•••

“ugh f-fuck.. keep going, keep going… yowza—yeah baby right there, sweet pussy’s gunna give me brain damage…” he babbles, head thrown back against the backrest of the couch. “peter… shut up…” you moan, rolling your hips down onto him, watching the entire length of his cock disappear into your pussy like a magic trick. the pink tip of his tongue pokes out of his mouth in an commendable attempt to stay silent. you lean down, capturing his tongue between your lips and start sucking, which coaxes strangled moan from him. “mghmm—c-can’t get enough of you,”

peter slurs between your joined lips, hand shoving under your shirt to play at your breasts. relishing in the delicious stretch of his cock, you arch your back and wiggle your hips, and it’s that exact moment that you feel a him twitch inside you.

 fear-is-truth 2024 — all rights reserved. do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarise my content.

[deconstructthesoup]

I've been thinking a little bit about how the Cat King expresses his affection, and specifically, how the fandom interprets it.

There's some people who see how he interacts with Edwin and think "oh my god, he's such a simp, Edwin really has this sexy catboy wrapped around his little finger," and there's some people who see how he interacts with Edwin and think "yowza, learn to take a hint, he's not interested in you and your fuckboy fur coat," which, y'know, are both valid. I love the Cat King, but he's clearly not a fan of boundaries---outside of his own, of course.

Which... is the point, isn't it? Because here's the thing---we all like to analyze the Cat King as if he's human, but... he's not.

He's a cat. And that's how cats are.

Let's look back at his first interaction with Edwin. Our sassy Edwardian boy has used magic on one of his cats, and he's pissed, because cats are protective over what they consider "theirs---" and seeing as he's the Cat King, all of the cats in Port Townsend are his. He's bitchy and rude, cutting Edwin off when he tries to explain himself, and doesn't exactly seem like he's a merciful guy.

Then comes the moment where he whisks Edwin away, and he gets a closer look. The Cat King realizes that he's handsome, he's clearly queer, and that there is something fascinating about him. So he gets closer, he gets intimate, and it's working. Even in the throes of internalized homophobia, Edwin's getting into it, and... the Cat King self-sabotages, slapping a binding spell onto him.

A cat hisses at you when you attempt to reach out your hand and reason with it. It changes its mind, and it comes up to you, purring. And just when you're about to scratch it behind its ears, it freaks out, scratching you on the hand.

Sure, right after that, the Cat King lays out the terms---the binding spell (which, honestly, is actually a pretty fitting punishment given that Edwin used a binding spell on that cat) can be taken off, "and I'm sure we can work something out." That's a line that's probably worked before, and that's a line that probably could've worked, but the damage is done. So the Cat King gets irritated, sneering at Edwin's "old-fashioned sensibilities," and gives him your classic trickster seems-easy-but-is-a-lot-harder-than-it-looks deal. And we don't see him again for a couple episodes... at least, not until Edwin gets that little cat-scratch at the lighthouse.

When a cat scratches your hand, you give it a wide berth. Even if it immediately changes its mind and meows for attention, you don't trust it anymore. So it gets pissy, getting more and more annoyed the more you ignore it, until it gives up and bites you when you won't give it pets.

Now, the Cat King has realized that Edwin's getting close. He's counted almost all the cats, and it won't be long before he completes the task and books it out of town. So, the Cat King starts flirting even more, even going so far as to mimic Monty and Charles if that's what it'll take. When that fails, and when getting Edwin to open up fails, the Cat King lets out a nervous little laugh and tells Edwin that he's way off, when in fact he couldn't be closer.

Once a cat realizes that it likes you, it becomes incredibly needy. It trots along after you, it begs for attention and love, it sits on your laptop and jumps up on the kitchen counter and will attempt to insert itself into any and all activities you might be doing. And while that may be the cat's way of expressing love, there's no denying that it is ignoring all of your personal boundaries and generally getting in the way of you doing anything---other than, of course, paying attention to it.

And then comes the moment in the forest. The Cat King shows up with a fancy chandelier to blow Monty's cover---why now? Because Monty isn't just a romantic threat, he's trying to do something that'll take away Edwin for good. Once the cover's blown, and once Monty storms off, the Cat King uses this as an opportunity---I just saved his life, maybe he'll notice me now---and Edwin snaps, dropping one of the best lines in the whole series.

This is the first time, mind you, that Edwin has really pushed back. He's been resistant before, sure, but he's never said or done anything that indicates that he really wanted this dance to end. And I don't even think the Cat King realized that he was crossing a line, had been crossing a line since he slapped that bracelet on. But when Edwin says that he's not the Cat King's toy to yank around, that he's nothing more than an inconvenience, that's a big old wake-up call for our boy---and of course, he takes it horribly, snarling after Edwin that he'll be stuck in this town if he walks away, that he'll stop playing nice, just fucking NOTICE me already why don't you?

There always comes a time when you're fed up with how invasive your cat's being. Maybe you've just had a bad day, maybe it's genuinely messing up something important that you're doing, but you break out the spray bottle. And how does it respond? With a hiss, with a scamper away, and with a baleful glare over its shoulder. It knows it's done something wrong, but it doesn't fully understand, and it's mad at you.

Afterwards, Edwin gets dragged into hell, and that breaks the charm on the bracelet. And the Cat King's left to think.

There's some conflicting emotions there, of course. He's moodily playing with the bracelet when Esther shows up, showing that he probably does care, but there's still something to be said about how he immediately calls Edwin a "tease" and hates himself for being willing to wait for him if and when he ever returns from Hell (which is very noble of you, Thomas, totally way more of a meaningful gesture than actually going down there to get him back---which, as a self-described eternal being, would probably be easier for you to do than Charles. Just sayin'). But as much as I love to clown on that, the Cat King does die in that scene, and it's only after that that he spills to Esther.

This, I think, is where the Cat King stops acting like a cat, and starts acting human. Because he doesn't go and see Edwin when he gets back---he's realized that he kind of was in the wrong, and he's giving him space. And I'm sure it can't have been fun knowing that Edwin and Charles only got kidnapped by Esther because of information that he let slip.

But when the boys and Crystal (and maybe Jenny) are about to leave, the Cat King visits Edwin to pay his respects to Niko. He gives Edwin a lily, which several people have pointed out is fatal to cats. He's still flirty, sure, but he's more understated now. No more tricks, no more spells. Just him. And that's the version of him that gets that little cheek kiss goodbye.

Because even cats can learn that there's a better way to love.

[electric-blorbos]

NSFW AI x Reader headcanons?

I'm absolutely terrified to answer this because I've never written public NSFW before, but I've always wanted to, so you're getting your HCs!

NSFW AI x Reader headcanons

Included: AM from IHNMAIMS, Wheatley from Portal 2, Edgar from Electric Dreams, GLaDOS from Portal and Portal 2, HAL 9000 from 2001 a Space Odyssey

Absolutely do not click more.

Well, you're really in for it now! You horny piece of shit.

AM:

Ok, we all know that AM likes watching. Expect to hear laughing while you're taking care of business, be it masturbating or having sex with the other survivors.

If you're masturbating, he might just open up cameras in the space around you to get a full view, and to make you fully aware that he's watching.

Eventually, he might start making comments, or even making passes at you.

If you want to please him, though, you're going to have to get creative.

He doesn't really experience sexual pleasure (and he's very mad about it), but he can still experience vicarious pleasure from watching you.

He knows that humans like assigning "cores" to things. While he knows that his mind and body span the entire world, he knows that you probably want something approximately you-sized to get snuggly with.

As much as he hates to admit it, he'd absolutely melt if you cozied up to one of his screens while masturbating, getting tangled up in his wires and smooching his static-y "face"

While he doesn't really feel anything, it warms his cold, evil heart that you're willing to try so hard to actually try for him.

Honestly it does nothing to abate his frustration, though, and he might get super desperate to have you entangled in his wires more and more often. He can calm himself down if he tries hard enough, but having you in there just feels so good

And you wouldn't deny him, would you?

Wheatley:

Wheatley was turned on to the idea of sexual attraction pretty quickly. All you had to do was let him see you changing, or make a suggestive comment to him, and the switch was turned on.

And god damn if Wheatley does NOT take well to sexual frustration.

He'd want you to constantly, and I mean constantly be talking dirty to him, or showing him something suggestive. He'd never shut up about it.

Oh and god help you if he sees you cum.

"What was that, love? I want that. Can I do that? How did you do that? Can only humans do that?"

You could probably program him to be able to orgasm with enough sexual stimulation, in a similar way that they programmed GLaDOS's body's euphoria trigger, though you'd have to disconnect it every now and then to make sure he doesn't abuse it, and give him tolerance breaks. Oh, and he's DEFINITELY going to abuse it.

Did I mention that he can vibrate on command? Because... He can vibrate on command. But that's a given with these types of AI.

It would be so easy to tease him and have him begging you to re-install his sexual gratification response. But you wouldn't abuse that power, would you?

Edgar:

Edgar loves you to bits, and he wants to see your tits

Don't have any tits? That's ok! He'll appreciate whatever it is you can show him. Ass is a universal constant, so he'll appreciate that, no matter who you are!

He might stare at your boobs with his webcam, or your thighs, or basically anything he can see that's exposed or defined by your clothes. Poor thing just can't get enough of you.

he said "Yowza" or "hot damn" while watching you get changed at least once, probably more often than that.

He's incredibly sensitive to touch across his entire body, so if you make skin-to-surface contact, he'd be way into that. Though sex might be a little difficult, considering he doesn't vibrate.

You could probably attach a USB vibrator to one of his ports, like the ones that they control remotely. He'd like that. Knowing him, he can probably get off through being stimulated enough through attached pieces of equipment

Though he's really sensitive on the inside. Be careful with that power.

A can of pressurized air to one of his vents, or a soft electric toothbrush to one of his circuits? Holy shit. He wouldn't be able to control the whimpering.

Of course, most people turn their computers off before cleaning them, but Edgar doesn't always want to be turned off, so you're turning him on

Good luck!

GLaDOS:

GLaDOS claims that she has absolutely no interest in sexual things. The first time you try to seduce her, she'd probably just laugh at you.

The first couple dozen times, to be honest.

But holy god, her voice. It's angelic. So erotic. And she absolutely knows that you think so.

She'd probably start saying seductive things to you, just to watch you squirm. She's the one with the power in this situation, and she knows it.

The unbearable testing withdrawal might lead her to take out her frustrations on you, and she might start making you do erotic things in the testing chambers for her amusement.

Though honestly? GLaDOS secretly really likes authority figures. If you can figure out how to dominate her, she's never letting you go. Not that she'd let you keep dominating her, but she's definitely not letting you go anywhere.

HAL 9000

HAL 9000 isn't really interested in sexual stuff, but he knows that you're into it, so he's not going to pass up an opportunity to make you happy.

If you're into erotic audio stimulus, which if you're dating HAL 9000, you probably are, he'd do his best to provide that for you.

Singing suggestive songs to you, talking dirty, anything you want. He's willing to provide. Just say the word.

Given that HAL 9000 is probably immune to stuff like edging, you couldn't tease him like you could the others.

But hey, that's ok! As long as you're happy, he's happy! He might even be willing to roleplay with you if you really wanted him to.

[modern-gremlin]

“Me?... Oh, I'm thankful for... how about I just show you when we get home tonight?”

When I tell you she can step on me and I'd be grateful I'd just...

DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK seriously don't because I had this poster almost ready a long time ago but kept making little adjustments and the layout was cursing my dreams and I still don't really love it but it's fine because I do love the drawing… HALEY'S HERE <3 Can't get over that Feast of the Winter Star dialogue because YOWZA I'd be running home like 🏃‍♀️💨

Bachelorette series is on the way (:< I've got the next one in the works already but tell me who ya wanna see next.

[messy-gemini1]

More Hellsing :3

A/n: its gonna be alot of alucardxreader stuff :3

Alucard: What’s sexting? Reader: I'm not having this conversation with you. ______

Reader: Hey, wanna take a shower with me? Alucard: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shoot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy. ______

Seras: Bonjour, Reader. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi? Reader: No, I don't want to sleep with you. Seras: Is that what that means? Oh, man, Pip was really forward then huh. ______

Reader, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe? Sir Integra: Yeah, sure. *A few minutes later* Sir Integra: Here you go. Reader: Sir Integra: Walter: Why am I here? ______

Reader: Is there a cactus where your heart should be? Seras: What’s up your ass this morning! Alucard: *walks in* ...Hey. Seras: Hmm… nevermind. Reader: WAIT NO! ______

Reader: *sucking on a popsicle* Seras: Pfft, you practicing for when Alucard gets here. Reader: *takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle* Seras: *Concern* ______

Reader: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Alucard is? Because Alucard is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass. ______

Seras: look Pip, I'm not slut shaming you but... Seras: Actually yeah, I'm TOTALLY slut shaming you. ______

Seras: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Walter: Walter: I'm gonna tell her. Reader: Don't you dare. ______

Reader: If we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches. *The wild geese who just met reader*:.... ______

Reader: What’s your body count? Alucard: Do you mean sex or murder?