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iceeckos12 · 4 years ago

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time travel snippet

little time travel au oneshot. season 5 jon travels back in time to season 1. from the perspectives of tim, martin, and sasha. 3.5k.

i dont think i need to tag anything, but please let me know otherwise.

Tim wakes up that morning, and it’s just like any other day.

Well—no, okay, that’s a bit misleading. Today is his first day working as an archival assistant, so he’s one part nervous, one part that breathless, exhilarated feeling you only get when you’re about to do something unfamiliar that may or may not redefine your life for the foreseeable future. When he says “it’s just like any other day”, he means that he wakes up, and he’s a normal person doing normal people things like eating a healthy breakfast and going to work.

(So, no. In short, he doesn’t realize that today is the day when It happens, that big, life-changing event that you think will Never Happen To You.)

He gets out of bed, stumbles into the bathroom. Washes his face of whatever residue that’d built up during the night, tries to scrape away the evidence of his nightmares, smiles big and bright at the mirror to see how successful his efforts were. He’s betrayed by the traitorous bags beneath his eyes, but that’s okay. Sasha taught him how to wield concealer as a shield whenever his past wore down his armor.

He shoots twin finger guns into his reflection, making soft pew, pew! noises that are almost too-loud in the hush of the bathroom. Then he turns on his heel and walks away, sauntering and humming along with the chorus of Dolly Parton’s 9 to 5.

He gets to the Institute twenty minutes before he’s supposed to—not because he’s trying to impress his boss or whatever (he and Jon have known each other long enough that there’s no point). It’s just, Jon will probably want to make some sort of game-plan before the actual workday starts.

The poor man had been relieved to an almost comical degree when Tim had said yes, I’ll come with you to the Archives. It’s painfully obvious how out-of-his-depth Jon is with the whole “Head Archivist” thing. Tim’s honestly baffled as to why Elias had singled him out for the position in the first place, considering his lack of qualifications.

But, whatever. It’s fine! Tim and Sasha will be there to help him—although the third assistant is a bit of a problem, considering that they know absolutely nothing about him. There’s no guarantee that this Martin Blackwood won’t report inadequacies or mistakes back to Elias. If that’s the case, Tim and Sasha will have to be Jon’s safety net, which is partially why Tim is hoping to talk to Jon before anyone else gets there.

He also wants to talk to Jon because he just knows the man is probably working himself up over all of this. Maybe reassurances won’t do away with the source of anxiety entirely, but at least it’ll remind Jon that he’s not alone, and that he can count on Tim and Sasha.

As expected, when Tim gets there he can see a sliver of light pouring out from the cracked door of the Head Archivist’s office. He selects a desk and sets his bag on top of it, noting a set of strange gouges in the fake wood with a raised eyebrow, and then an internal shrug. The Institute issued laptop is near the far edge of his desk, and his collection of pictures are strategically placed so that he can see them all clearly.

His eyes linger over the image of him, his mother, and his brother. Their smiles are almost perfect replicas of each other, like someone took a mold of one of their faces and recreated it twice over.

Briefly, he closes his eyes. Then he shakes himself, releases a slow, steadying breath, and goes to check on Jon.

Tim’s not sure what he’s expecting to see when he goes into Jon’s office.

(That’s misleading too, though. He’s not sure if Jon will be visibly calm or upset, if he’ll be on his laptop, if he’ll be picking at the skin around his fingernails, as he so often does when he’s stressed. He is expecting Jon as he is and always has been—a twenty-some year old going on sixty, who wraps his gruff, grumpy demeanor about himself to protect the soft, vulnerable core he likes to pretend doesn’t exist.)

He comes up to the door, and the soft rectangle of light that emanates from beneath the door paints the tips of his shoes gold. “Jon?” he calls softly, rapping his knuckles against the frame. There’s a soft rustling noise—papers maybe? but no audible response, so he shrugs and pushes the door open. “I’m coming in.”

Tim steps inside, a quip instinctively readying itself on his tongue—but then his gaze lands on Jon, and he freezes dead in his tracks.

Even years later, he still vividly, viscerally remembers the moment he saw Danny standing on the stage underneath the Royal Opera House, the way he’d looked...not quite right. The wrongness had been subtle, so much so that it had been unnoticeable upon first glance, upon second glance. The longer Tim had looked though, the more obvious it had become, exposing all the little faults in that almost-perfect recreation of his brother.

Looking at Jon now, it’s the first and only thing he can think of. Because—yes, there’s the long, silver-streaked black hair, there’s the rich brown eyes, there’s the pair of spectacles that make him look far older than he actually is. But that’s where the similarities between the Jon he knows and this Jon end.

Jon’s always been a small man, but his feigned haughtiness makes him seem much bigger than he actually is. Except—except this Jon looks smaller somehow, his shoulders curved protectively inward, like he’s trying to present less of a target. And there’s something about his face, too—his expression is too sharp, too much—

But the worst of it is his eyes. There’s something very wrong with his eyes.

Who the fuck are you, and what have you done with Jon? He doesn’t say it out loud though, just keeps staring at Jon, a heady mix of terror and horror making any sort of reaction impossible.

After a moment Jon’s lips thin, contorted by some distant cousin of displeasure, and he rises to his feet. Tim stumbles instinctively backward, his breath escaping him in a sharp gasp that’s immediately swallowed up by the apathetic stacks of books and papers surrounding them. He’s struck by the fact that if he dies here, it’s unlikely anyone will notice; he’ll become just another set of marks gouged into the desk, willed away with an uneasy shrug.

Jon freezes, lips parting subtly, as though he were about to speak. Tim feels his breath catch in his chest, unable to shake himself out of the clouded stupor his mind has fallen into.

In the end, Jon says nothing. Just releases a long, slow breath of air and sits back down, pushing his chair close to his desk. The motion looks heavy, tired, as though it takes far more energy than it should.

“You—you should go,” Jon rasps, and there’s something off about his voice too, though Tim can’t put his finger on why. He can’t cobble together enough of a train of thought to make sense of any of this, all he can think of is that clown ripping Danny apart—

He stumbles out of Jon’s office, sits down at his desk. Stares down at the cheap, fake wood, at the gouges that have marred the otherwise pristine surface. Puts his head in his hands, and tries to will his heart to stop pounding in his chest.

-0-

Martin’s heard things about Jonathan Sims.

He’s not usually the type to pay attention or encourage gossip, as the vivid memories of his classmates tittering cruelly whenever he walked by still leaves a sour taste in his mouth.The problem with the Institute is that the employees get bored pretty easily. Though most would consider academic research into the esoteric and the paranormal to be fairly interesting, it’s still academic research. And the subject content can get to be a bit...repetitive. There’s only so many gruesome statements you can read without thinking, oh great, more meat.

So the employees gossip a lot, and while Martin usually tries to keep his head down and avoid it, it’s difficult not to overhear some things. And from what little he’s heard, he’s...a bit concerned. Rude and unsociable has frequently been mentioned, as have arrogant and unnecessarily finicky, and worst of all, a bit of a stuck-up know-it-all.

Normally he tries not to put too much stock in office gossip—he’s well aware that the grapevine tends to exaggerate one’s most undesirable traits—but if any of it is true, then he might just be in trouble. It was hard enough being a library employee when his boss wasn’t even paying attention most of the time. If Jon is as exacting as they say, it might be enough to expose the fact that Martin has no idea what the fuck he’s doing. And if that happens, then he might get fired, and he can’t get fired, he needs this job, he can barely keep up with his mum’s medical bills as it is—

Calm down, Martin tells himself firmly, pressing his hand against his sternum, as though that will be enough to quell the rising panic. It’s only your first day. Maybe he’s nice, and we’ll actually be good friends.

(With his luck? Yeah, right.)

The Institute looms in the distance, growing closer with every terrified, grudging footstep. A shiver runs up his spine at the sight of its imposing presence, a dark, ugly blot of a building against the backdrop of the iron grey clouds.

If there’s one thing he’s good at though, it’s keeping his head down and muddling through until he’s able to figure out what is actually expected of him. He can twist and fold himself into whatever role they need him to fill, as he has done so many times in the past. Not easily perhaps, but he has always managed. The alternative is untenable, after all.

So he takes a deep breath, and shoves his panic down as deep as possible. Lifts his head and forces a smile onto his face, like a good attitude will be enough to protect him from his boss’s wrath.

He could really do with a cup of tea.

Martin trudges down the stairs, giving the blank walls, the old-fashioned carpet, a dubious look as he does. The Archives themselves are as he remembers it—he’s been down here a couple of times when Gertrude made a request for something specific, but—

He pauses when he notices a man sitting at one of the desks, his face buried in his hands. His shoulders aren’t shaking and his breathing is even, so Martin doesn’t think that he’s crying? He’s just….sitting there, his stillness so perfect it’s almost inhuman.

“Hello?” Martin calls softly, cautiously, shifting his weight to the balls of his feet.

The man looks up, revealing a very handsome face and brown eyes so dark they may as well be black. His cheeks are dry but his eyes are bright and a little wild, and his mouth is pressed into a small, tight line. He doesn’t speak, just keeps watching, blinking dazedly in Martin’s direction. Martin gets the feeling that this person isn’t entirely there at the moment, like a house in which every room is lit, but there are no people inside.

He swallows and shifts nervously back and forth, trying to decide whether or not to call for some backup. Eventually he sets his bag on the floor and shuffles a bit closer. “Um—are you—is everything okay?”

The man blinks rapidly, some semblance of awareness creeping back into his gaze. He shakes his head slowly, pushes his short, gelled hair back from his head. His hands are trembling. “I’m...yeah, I’m fine. It’s—everything’s, it’s…”

But then his gaze lands on something over Martin’s shoulder, and all the color drains out of his face, his mouth shutting with a painful sounding click. Martin quickly spins around, searching for whatever could’ve scared him so much—

There’s someone standing in the doorway of Gertrude’s office.

There are so many things that one normally takes in upon first meeting another person: their hair, their skin color, all the little wrinkles and marks that give you the briefest insight into their life. Martin looks at posture first, tends to check if a person is intentionally looming, or if they’re making themself smaller.

But all Martin can see are the eyes.

There’s—two of them he thinks, but two is such an arbitrary number when the thing you’re applying it to doesn’t ascribe to human values (he’s not sure how he knows that—how does he know that—?). That horrible, terrible gaze is an unerring arrow, all-encompassing, all-consuming, piercing the deepest corners of his mind. It hurts in some distant, nebulous way he’s not even sure he comprehends—

Then he blinks, and the sheer terror, that feeling of the horrible, violating exposure of everything that he is, abruptly snuffs out. What’s left is just a person, wispy and small, his slight frame fairly drowning in a chunky, cable-knit jumper. He’s leaning against his doorframe, his eyes—two big brown ones, rich and unfathomably sad and more than that, human—drinking Martin in, his lips parted in a soundless gasp.

“Um—” Martin glances over his shoulder, and almost leaps out of his skin when a land falls heavily on his shoulder. The man who’d been sitting in the chair is standing just behind him, a strained but polite smile on his face.

“Hi Jon,” the man says, an undercurrent of a warning in his voice.

Martin glances between the two, his confusion growing with every passing moment. This is not what he was expecting when he first came into work today, and the uncertainty makes him feel strange and off-kilter.

The person in the door swallows once, twice, then straightens, one hand still gripping the doorframe like it’s the only thing keeping him upright. When he speaks, his voice is soft, tentative, a little ragged around the edges. “Tim. It’s, um...it’s good to see you.”

“Martin Blackwood, was it?” Tim continues, injecting a bit of cheer into his voice. It takes Martin a moment to realize that he’s being addressed, and he shoots Jon—this is Jonathan Sims?—an uncertain look before nodding slowly. “We’re happy to have you on the team.”

“O-Oh?” Martin squeaks, then grits his teeth and bodily forces his voice back into its normal range. “I’m—um, I’m happy to be here?”

“Good,” Tim says through a grin that looks more like a grimace, giving Martin’s shoulder a friendly pat. The look he shoots Jon is a dark, mistrustful thing. The look Jon gives him back is fragile, vulnerable, that winds the tension in Tim’s shoulders so tight it has to be painful.

Jon’s gaze flickers to Martin, just for a second—and then he disappears into his office, leaving the door cracked behind him.

Tim and Martin stand there for a second, staring at the door. Tim’s still tense as a bowstring, and his grip on Martin’s shoulder is almost uncomfortable. The air in the Archives feels stuffy and too warm, and there’s a strange prickling sensation on the back of Martin’s neck, like he’s being subjected to close scrutiny.

Then Tim sighs and lets go of Martin’s shoulder, a little of the tension bleeding out of him, and without it he looks small, deflated. He goes back to his desk and sits down, booting up his laptop without a word of explanation to Martin.

Martin stares at the back of Tim’s head for a moment, a number of questions clamoring around in his brain—what the fuck was that? What’s wrong with Jon? Why are you so obviously suspicious of him?—but the words won’t come. Breaking the silence feels...sacrilegious, somehow. Every breath of air sticks against the back of his throat.

In the end, he doesn’t say anything either, just sits at his desk and takes out his Institute-issued laptop. Stares blankly at the screen as the machine slowly, laboriously, comes to life.

-0-

Sasha’s not entirely sure how to interpret the tense atmosphere that has descended over the Archives.

The first day she’d arrived a couple of minutes before she was supposed to, prepared to follow Jon’s direction and help him adjust as best she could. (Her feelings about Jon’s promotion...didn’t matter. She didn’t like it, but it wasn’t his fault that Elias was an old-fashioned misogynist.)

But when she’d come down the stairs, Tim and the assistant she didn’t know, Martin, had been seated quietly at their desks. They’d both had the same distant, shell-shocked look on their faces, like they’d received some shattering, horrible news. Sasha had sent Tim a confused look, but he either hadn’t noticed it, or hadn’t wanted to explain.

She hadn’t even seen Jon that first day, just received a polite email asking her to start organizing the statements according to the system which he’d devised.

It’s been almost three days, and nothing has changed. Oh sure, they’ve all started organizing the statements as directed. Tim cracks jokes, Martin tiptoes around them and makes copious amounts of tea. That strange tension that makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up, like the world is holding its breath in anticipation, hasn’t faded though. And while she doesn’t know Martin all that well, she knows that something’s still up with Tim. He seems more subdued than usual, keeps sending uncomfortable looks in the direction of Jon’s office—

—which hasn’t been open since that first day. She hasn’t seen Jon at all either, no matter how early she arrives or how late she stays. The only proof she has that he’s still alive is the polite email she periodically receives, detailing some specific task that he wants for them to do.

Even then, his emails are...odd. She’s not sure how she can tell, but they feel...awkward? Stilted? Like he’s only half-aware of what he’s typing, or like he’s only asking them to do things because he feels like he should, not because he has any actual goal in mind.

Normally she’d be frustrated by this, would complain bitterly to Tim about Elias passing over her for someone who obviously doesn’t properly appreciate the position they’ve been given—except that she knows Jon. He’d made a point to explain the situation to her himself, an apologetic twist tucked into the corner of his mouth. More than that, he’d asked her to follow him to the archives, saying that he wanted the two people he trusted most, her and Tim, to come with him.

He respects her too much not to take this job seriously.

The strangeness of the archives is only emphasized by Jon’s complete and utter lack of presence within it, but she doesn’t—she doesn’t buy that. She doesn’t believe that he’d just suddenly decide not to do the job he’d been so anxious to excel at.

More damning than anything is Tim’s complete, utter silence regarding Jon’s strange behavior, but whatever he knows about it, he isn’t saying anything. Martin is willing to talk, but he seems to be as lost as she is.

“I—that first day, Jon…” Martin shrugs, shooting a nervous glance toward the door leading to the archives. He’s been spending a lot of time hovering in the break room making tea, not that she can blame him. “He—I mean obviously I don’t know him very well, but he seemed...upset?”

“Upset,” Sasha repeats dubiously.

Martin lets out an exhausted sigh and turns away, waving a dismissive hand. “Look, I’m not entirely sure how to explain it. He just—okay, so, bear with me for a second, but he reminded me of this guy who used to live in my neighborhood.”

Sasha backs off, folding her arms and leaning against the counter. “Okay?”

“There was this little old couple that used to live in my neighborhood. They were—they were really sweet! The husband used to give candy to us younger kids. But um—sometimes you’d see him sitting in the rocking chair on his porch, and it was like...he wasn’t entirely there? Like, he’d just sit there for hours, rocking and staring at nothing. That’s—that’s what Jon’s expression reminded me of.”

Martin gets more animated the more he talks, Sasha notes; his hands move in broad, sweeping gestures, his expression twisting into an expression of extreme concentration. The moment he finishes he deflates again, tucking his hands into his armpits self-consciously, a hedgehog curling protectively in on itself.

“So, yeah,” he finishes eloquently.

“Huh,” Sasha says thoughtfully.

She gets back to her desk. Looks over at Tim, who’s studiously working through a box of statements, his mouth set in a neutral, concentrated frown. Takes a deep breath, letting the taste of dust and old papers sit heavy on her tongue.

Then she opens her laptop and starts looking through the catalog of cursed items that are currently being held in Artifact Storage.

(She doesn’t think that she’ll find anything, but—but just in case.)

-0-

They all get the call the next Monday morning: Elias Bouchard was found dead in his office.

#tma #iceeckos12 writes #my writing #just a little time travel au #probably wont continue this but i thought it was kinda fun

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buginabog · 6 years ago

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I Noticed

*Rolls in a year late with post accepting anxiety angst*

Pairing: analogical

Warnings: angst, feeling worthless, feeling invisible

Note: am I projecting? ....yes

Virgil looked up from scrolling his phone at midnight to Logan knocking on his door.

"...what's up Teach?"

Logan frowned and looked to the side, pulling his robe closer around himself, "I- I just wanted to make sure you were still here."

Virgil rolled his eyes, "calm down, yeah? So I disappeared for a couple days."

Logan growled, "It was bad for Thomas!"

"Of course." Virgil started to close the door, "it's all about Thomas."

Logan grabbed the door before it could shut, "what do you mean 'it's all about Thomas'? We're PART of Thomas!"

Virgil huffed, "but we're MORE than that! We have our own feelings!"

"I don't."

"Cut the crap Logan! Of course you do!" Virgils volume was steadily growing, getting more and more angry. "We all do! Even the others! And you pretend that you dont! Pretend I dont! Would you all even realize I disappeared if Thomas didnt depend on me?" His voice cracked with a sob, "would you realize? Would you care?"

Logan gasped, his voice quiet, "Virgil I- I course I would."

Virgil chuckled, "would you? If it didnt hurt Thomas at all, would you?"

Logan sighed, "of course. Even if it was just me, I'd try to get you back."

Virgil leaned on the door, "really? You said it yourself L, my existence is inconsequential." He mumbled something Logan couldnt hear.

"Virgil? What did you say?"

"I don't even matter to the person I care about most."

Logans eyes filled with tears, "Virgil..."

"Its fine. I wont leave for good. I'll just... stay where I wont bother the rest of you."

The door shut and Logan pounded on it, "VIRGIL! NO!"

The door slammed open, and Virgils bloodshot eyes looked out, "what Logan? Dont lie to me and say you care about me."

"But I do!"

Virgil chuckled, "dont joke with me! No one even noticed I was gone for a day!" Tests spilled from his eyes, "...I was gone for a day... and no one noticed."

"I noticed!"

Virgil frowned, "what?"

Logan sighed, "yknow how... when you're uncomfortable, you pull your hood up? I noticed. How theres a little smile on your face whenever you put on your makeup? I noticed. How your gaze always lingers on purple things? I noticed. I noticed so much about you. I noticed you were gone, Virgil." His voice got louder, more and more desperate to be heard, "and I was so... so scared. I thought you had gone somewhere we couldnt get you back, I thought I would never see you again, never notice new little things and habits that I hadn't before." Hos voice cracked with a sob, "and... and it scared the shit out of me because..."

Virgil looked at Logan, a little flicker of hope, daring to enter his eyes, "...because?"

Logan pushed his glasses up his nose, "because... I love you Virgil."

Virgil smiled nervously, the hope that had dared to grow finally blossoming. Turning into a big and beautiful thing.

"...oh... why?"

Logan smiled, "...a bunch of little things." He brushed a tear from Virgils cheek,

"All I had to do was notice."

#virgil #sanders sides virgil #ts virgil #virgil sanders #sanders sides logan #ts logan #logan sanders #logan #analogical #tw: insecurity #tw: angst

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magioftheseas · 6 years ago

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Day 1 - Reserve

Written for @the-hinata-project

Prompt: Reserve Course Student Hinata

Rating: G

Warnings: Lowkey manipulation and insecurity, but other than that, not much.

Notes: Alright, so I’m still in the middle of these, but like... Here’s the first one! They’re all going to be pretty short, around 2K but I’m gonna do my best to finish all of them so wish me luck...! And this first fic is gen. No ships. Next ones won’t be so gen. It’s also pre-HPA. Kind of.

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

The last wish he made on New Year’s was a simple one.

I want to get into Hope’s Peak.

But of course that would never happen.

“Can’t you dream more realistically, Hajime? Do you have any idea how expensive Hope’s Peak actually is? We can’t afford that.”

“I... I know that, but...”

“If you know then why are you burdening us with this? Please. Just think about other people besides yourself for once.”

“...sorry.”

His mother sighs, but ruffles his hair in a show of affection.

“You current high school isn’t so bad, right? You can make good friends here, and it’s a fine school.”

“I guess it’s...decent,” he mumbles.

“Just don’t even worry about Hope’s Peak anymore,” she tells him. “It’s impossible, and it can’t be helped. Keep your chin up. Okay?”

“...fine...”

Because he knew, after all, that she had a point. They couldn’t afford it. And he wasn’t talented. It was a pipe dream to attend. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Still...

For his birthday, he was given a new laptop to replace the old. It was a fairly recent model. Pretty expensive. Likely compensation. He can’t say he didn’t like it.

He wasn’t ungrateful. He doesn’t think so.

It’s just that I admire Hope’s Peak more than anything.

So much so that he finds himself on the forums first thing.

>Does anyone have any idea who’s going to be in the upcoming batch?

>They haven’t finished scouting, right? Oh, but I just saw on the news that an actual princess was accepted! Hope’s Peak really can get in anyone!

>Wow, actual royalty?!

>There’s this photographer I follow. She’s getting in, too, I’m pretty sure.

>I just saw Saionji Hiyoko-san’s performance last week. I’m positive she’s getting in.

>I’m more interested in the princess. Can you imagine how lucky it would be to meet an actual princess?

>>They’ll be running the lottery in a month or so. What I would give to have more of a chance...

>Wow, they’re doing that again?

>With how much getting into the reserve course costs, you probably have a better chance with the lottery...

>But if you win the lottery, you’re actually considered talented. Reserves are just...y’know, reserves.

>But you’ll get to meet the princess, potentially. I think the money’s worth it, even if all I can do is steal a glance!

>Still... Seems so lame that you can just pay your way in...

>But brand name recognition is pretty powerful...

>>I heard you can actually get into the main course from the reserve course if you do well enough.

>No way! That’s a pipe dream! Maybe if you paid like, twice as much!

>Must be nice to be rich, huh...

Hinata stares, wondering what to type, but also letting the thoughts swirl around in his head.

>>I would do anything to get into Hope’s Peak. But my family just can’t afford that.

>Yeah, mine neither. Who actually can?

>You’d be surprised... They’re getting a lot of enrollments.

>You can’t like...get a scholarship or anything? It’s not like you need to go to college after attending Hope’s Peak.

>Well the golden gates can’t open that wide, I suppose...

>It’s for the best. If just about anyone could get in, it wouldn’t be that special.

Hinata bites his lip, picking at the peeling skin with his teeth.

>>Still. I want to get in more than anything.

>If you aren’t talented, it can’t be helped.

>>I would give anything.

>Pffft. No kidding. I’d give an arm and a leg, probably.

>>I would give anything.

>A lot of people would.

>You’re like a super fan, huh. Well, I am, too, but still...

>>Getting into Hope’s Peak has always been my dream.

>Everyone wants to be special, man.

>But if everyone was special then no one would be special.

>It can’t be helped. You’re either born talented or you aren’t.

>Right?! I must have spent hours drawing but there was always that one person I could just never compare to. It’s hopeless!

>You shouldn’t say hopeless on the Hope’s Peak forums!

>Haha, sorry!

>>I’ve never been talented. There’s not one thing I’m particularly good at.

>Normie...

>>But I want to get into Hope’s Peak Academy... More than anything.

>Give it up. For your own good. Wishing for the impossible isn’t healthy.

>Hey, don’t tell him that! What if he ends up winning the lottery?

>Yeah, right!

>>I’m not particularly lucky, either.

>Luck’s not a talent anyway.

>Are you sure? I’ve known people who get ridiculously lucky while gambling...

>If they gamble too much, that luck’s bound to run out. And I bet they’re not that lucky, they just brag a lot.

>That might be true... Still it would be nice just to get into Hope’s Peak by chance...

>Whoever wins that lottery probably is ridiculously lucky considering how many people are participating. We’re talking like, every high school student in their first year in the country.

>Sucks to be other countries, huh.

>Maybe someday but for now, I like not having that much competition.

>Still a ridiculous amount competing...

>I bet it’ll be someone who can afford the reserve course if they haven’t already enrolled.

>No fair! That kind of thing should disqualify you immediately!

>>I just...want to get in...

>Yeah we all do. But it’s impossible.

>Impossible.

>Totally impossible.

>Pigs will fly first.

>I heard some Ultimates actually can make some crazy shit. We might see flying pigs pretty soon.

>That’s terrifying.

>>I just want to get in.

>You should get offline.

He should. He really, really should.

Is it really impossible?

“Of course it is,” he can practically hear them murmur. “Not only are you untalented, you can’t afford it! And you’re going to win the lottery, either!”

Hinata buries his face into his hands, shuddering.

I just... I just...

To his surprise, he later receives a DM. Shivering, he clicks it open.

>Would you really do anything for Hope’s Peak?

He doesn’t recognize the name of the sender but...it looks official.

>>Yes. Of course. Why?

>There actually is a program you can sign up for that will get you in without having to pay a coin.

Hinata blinked once. Twice.

It’s way too good to be true.

But he’s desperate. Beyond desperate.

>>What is this program? How can I sign up?

>Here’s the information.

What he’s about to do is how people get themselves abducted, he’s pretty sure. But right now, he’s desperate and... If it really was someone associated with Hope’s Peak, how bad can it be? What’s the worse than can happen?

I already have no chance getting in. I know that... But...

His heart was pounding as he took the train. He stared out the window, at HPA’s towering buildings in the distance, getting closer and closer, and he sucks in his breath.

It’s so shining that it hurts to look at.

Shining like a dream...

“Ah, Hinata-kun, you made it after all. So you have the necessary information?”

“Uh... Yes...” Truth be told, he didn’t understand most of it. There were a lot of words that were hard to read and pretty...advanced. “I just...well you said you couldn’t explain everything in just files, so...”

The other looked pretty professional. Sharply dressed and smiling in a way that at least seemed pretty welcoming. But...still pretty intimidating, considering the circumstances. Hinata ducked his head, feeling rather flustered.

“Yes, it’s meant to be kept very tightly under wraps, you see,” they laugh. “I need to assure confidentiality before explaining, Hinata-kun. Surely you understand.”

That’s...weird.

But it made his blood thrum with excitement to be a part of.

“I... Y-Yes, of course. Absolutely... Of course...”

“Sign this form, then, promising that.”

“O-Of course...!”

He scribbles down his signature without a second thought. The other smiled more, pleased. Hinata squirmed in his seat, and tried to keep his posture straight.

With that, the other sat across from him, polite and yet...expectant.

Ah... Hah...

“So you’re willing to do anything for this school,” they say, voice almost light but also dense with significance. “Might I ask why?”

“It’s...as I said on the forums,” Hinata mumbles, fiddling with his tie. Even dressed professionally for this would-be interview, he feels underdressed. “I’ve always admired this school. Always. It’s always been my dream to...to go there...”

The other nods, expression unchanged.

“And why do you wish so badly to go there, despite not having a talent that can be cultivated?”

Hinata flinched.

“T-That’s...! I...” He hesitates, but he soon finds the words just spilling out. “I just want to be someone I can be proud of. Someone who can stand tall. Be confident. Be significant. Isn’t that what I deserve?”

“Isn’t that what everyone deserves?”

Hinata’s nails dig into his palms.

“I admire Hope’s Peak...more than anyone. I will give whatever I can...and then more than that...if I have to.” His teeth grit. “Whatever it takes... W-Whatever it takes...!”

Even though I know it’s selfish and impossible, I just...!

He just wanted to be someone. Someone other than...this.

Unimportant. Unremarkable. A faceless, meaningless part of the mass. The idea of being consumed by mediocrity and insignificance for the rest of his life, never to matter, never to even be remembered, just to disappear, just like he never even existed—

“I’ll do...w-whatever...it takes...” He’s shaking, eyes wide and crazed. “Whatever it takes... Whatever I can...and then more than that...if I have to.”

“Ah. I see.” An easy smile. And yet, the atmosphere felt so heavy that it was near suffocating. “Very well then, Hinata-kun. That’s exactly the kind of attitude we’re looking for.”

Hinata lit up.

“R-Really?” He dares to let hope slip into his tone. “D-Do you really mean it?”

A nod.

“Hinata-kun... If you could be reborn from the faceless body of a miserable nobody into the world’s hope... Would you?”

“That...sounds too good to be true...” His heart really was racing, but he was flushed with excitement. “But... Y-Yeah... I... Of course...”

“Then, allow me to tell you about how that can be possible. If you agree, you’ll be accepted into the school, free of charge, no talent necessary. In fact, it’s even essential that you be talentless.”

I...don’t understand.

He doesn’t understand but it just sounds so incredible that he can’t help but be swayed.

“...tell me.”

“Very well.”

A folder of files is placed before him. They look too important to grasp. And the stamped out letters of CONFIDENTIAL stare back into his wide-eyed, shimmering gaze.

Fingers trembling, Hinata actually slices his finger open as he flips it open.

He doesn’t even feel the sting, as engrossed as he is in the text.

“I...”

The words swirl around in his head, over and over until he drowns in them.

“Do you need time to think about it?” the other asks him kindly. So kindly that Hinata is struck cold. “Tell you what... You can still get into the reserve course. You don’t have to say yes right away, and the deadline will be in a few months from now. You can attend classes here until then...and then make your decision on whether or not you’re willing to stay. Okay?”

“I... O-Okay.” Hinata swallows. “That’s... I’m okay with that.”

I said I’d do anything. And I do...want to do anything. But...

His hands are shaking while still gripping the files.

I can’t...let this chance slip by...even if it’s something like this. This is everything I ever wanted. Why am I even hesitating?

“It’s alright,” the other says reassuringly, taking the files away with ease. “Hinata-kun, I know you’ll make the best decision for yourself.”

For...myself. Myself...

“I...yes.”

“I’ll have them send in your acceptance letter and uniform.” His hand is shook, the grip warm and calloused. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Hinata-kun.”

“A-A pleasure... Yeah.”

Just like that, Hinata was stumbling out of Hope’s Peak, trembling and falling to pieces with every shaky step.

I have to do it, he can’t help but think. I have to do it, for...for myself...

This was going to be the year his life changed irreparably. He was sure of it.

#thehinataproject #hajime hinata #hinata hajime #Magi fics #the hinata project #although it's not going to show up #I might as well #I'll probably have to message someone anyway #The tragedy of being muted

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zigsexual · 7 years ago

Text

Theoreticals; part 3 (maxwell x mc)

part one. part two.

asdkfjals guys i finally DID IT it only took me a damn year but this is it, the final piece of the hypotheticals verse! love u all for continuing to bother me about this until it was finally finished,, idk what else to say i dont wanna ramble but im proud for my babies that they made it this far, fuckin hooray

note: this is the final companion piece to hypotheticals and empiricals, and honestly if you haven’t read those then u probably should because this one has a lot of plot throwback and also tbh its like very divergent from the main storyline seeing as i started writing it in 2017

summary: the coronation is actually happening feat. private planes, maxwell as a baby????? an unfortunate run in with some potpourri, dancing, drake, and an uber driver

word count: 5800+

Well.

Riley takes a deep breath, attempting to calm the absolute whirlwind of thoughts in her head that are, at any moment, threatening to become a hurricane. She can’t take the waterworks again, not when she’s finally stopped crying. She turns slightly to catch herself in the mirror, rubbing at the last smears of mascara with her thumb. The girl who looks back reminds her far too much of the girl who used to stare out from the curve of a freshly washed spoon in a New York bar. A reflection of another time; a defeated time.

She rolls her shoulders back. Today is not the day for defeat. At least, not yet.

When she emerges back out into the hallway, she’s relieved to find it near deserted but for a few of the king’s guard. One of them spots her and turns to the others, whispering something. She raises her hand in a brief wave, quickening her pace back towards the ballroom. Now is not the time to be intercepted and interrogated about her whereabouts.

She rounds the corner too quickly, head turned back to be sure none of the guards are still watching her, and nearly collides with Liam, who is also taking his corners too fast.

“Lady Riley!” he says, catching her by the shoulders before she can fully crash into him. His eyes, surprised and earnest, wash over her in such a way that she can feel herself beginning to blush.

“Hey,” she replies, mouth quirked up in a sheepish half-smile. “Fancy meeting you here.”

He laughs, dropping his hands back to his sides. Riley can’t quite meet his gaze; the full measure of him is just so… well, there was a reason she had decided to come to Cordonia in the first place. Liam is still Liam, still resplendent with that aura of dignity he carries so easily, still with that face like her teenage daydreams.

And now, this. This utter mess she’s made with his heart. No, there are too many reasons to keep her eyes downcast, fingers toying with the satin of her gown.

Liam’s voice drops lower. “I’ve actually been meaning to speak to you, if you have a moment?”

“For you?” Riley shrugs. “Of course.”

“There’s a family garden out back,” he holds out his arm, and she takes it, hesitantly. “The guests aren’t allowed out there, so we won’t be interrupted.”

She smiles, but it comes off more pained than pleased. “Oh, I mean there’s no need to, ah… we can just talk here, if you want?”

“I think it’d be better to have some privacy,” Liam says, and the air of finality to his statement pulls Riley reluctantly along with him.

The ‘family garden,’ another one of Liam’s modest descriptors, turns out to be a sprawling thing almost double the size of the palace itself, adorned at every turn with manicured greenery and delicately arranged flowers. Even the cobblestone paths seem somewhat luxurious, which is a relief to Riley as it means Liam won’t fault her for looking everywhere but at him.

“I’m glad you came here,” he says. “It’s been a joy getting to know you, and seeing you defy the odds against you. You have a very particular kind of strength about you that I admire.”

“Thank you,” Riley says, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m sure you must have some idea of what I wish to speak with you about.” His brow furrows, and he looks off towards the lights of the palace. “I hope… I hope this doesn’t come as a surprise.”

Riley turns, finally, to look at him, her heart pounding in her chest, “Liam, I —”

“I can’t marry you.”

Riley’s mouth falls open. “Hold on, what?”

“Oh —” Liam looks taken aback. “Did I misjudge?”

“Misjudge?” Riley stops walking, dropping his arm so she can stand in front of him, staring. “Misjudge what?”

“You,” Liam says gently, his eyes sweeping across her face, “Your heart.”

“My…” Riley reaches up and presses her hand to her mouth. “Oh.”

Oh.

“I thought as much,” Liam sighs. “I know I’ve been quite open about my affection for you, and I worried you might feel… obligated? Perhaps that’s too strong a word, but it troubles me to think that you might not be living the life you want. With the person you want to live it with.”

Riley feels her heart in her throat. She presses her hand harder against her lips.

“I suppose I wanted the chance to tell you all this before the official announcement to the court. I wanted you to know that your presence here has never been anything but a gift, and I’ve never expected anything in return.”

She nods.

“All that to say… I’m not going to ask you to marry me tonight. Or any night, for that matter. I didn’t want you to spend the whole ball fretting over the possibility of it, when you could just be enjoying yourself.”

She nods again, swallowing against the lump in her throat. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

The breezes rustles against them, the gentle scrape of leaves echoing in the wind.

Liam laughs softly, “It’s funny, Drake had always mentioned that you —”

“Oh my god,” Riley squeaks, voice sharp with panic, “No, Liam, oh my god. It’s not Drake. I’m not — we’re not — I would never—”

Liam laughs even more at her response, stunning her into silence. “Riley, I know. It’s my job to be aware of what happens in my court.”

“Oh.” Riley hates herself. “Uh, just wanted to… y’know, clarify that.”

“He does have a fondness for you, though,” Liam muses.

“He told you?”

“Well, not in so many words. I asked him once what he thought of you, and he said you were ‘almost passable,’ so I drew my own conclusions.”

“Wow,” Riley crosses her arms across her chest. “High praise from Drake.”

“The highest.”

“Can we… uh,” Riley nods towards a nearby stone bench, nestled amongst the rosebushes. “Can we sit down? Sorry, this is just…”

“A lot?”

“A lot.”

They both sit, Riley sweeping her skirts underneath her to allow Liam more space. There’s a fountain not far off, reflecting the lights from the party beyond, although the splashes of water are the only sounds of civilization she can hear.

“I’ve wanted to tell you,” Riley says nervously, “I kept trying to find the right time, but you know how that is. It doesn’t exist, not really.”

“You don’t have to apologize, if that’s what you’re getting at,” he reassures her, “I understand.”

“I know, but that almost makes it worse. You’re too good. I’m such a shitshow.”

He laughs. “On the contrary, you’re the only thing about this ball that isn’t.”

Riley hesitates. “Not to be weird or anything, but can I… can I ask who told you?”

“About you and Maxwell?”

Hearing Liam actually say his name sends a rush of something through her. It’s as if he’s made it real, now; as if something about him knowing has elevated the quiet nothingness of their relationship into a profound and essential Thing.

“Yeah,” she whispers.

Liam looks pensive. “No one told me. I mean, not exactly. It’s just that I’ve known everyone here all my life, and when you’re around someone for that long you notice when things… change.” He glances at her with a smile. “You’ve been a catalyst for a lot of that, here.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“I wasn’t entirely sure at first, it was just a hunch. But you know how Maxwell is: never stops talking, terrible at lying, loyal to a fault. He’s always been at the center of things. And then you came along, and…”

Liam turns to her, his expression thoughtful. “He was so guarded about you. So careful. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Maxwell be careful about anything in his life.”

“He’s careful about the important things,” Riley says softly.

“He used to spend hours talking you up to me, working on distractions so you and I could be alone together. He wanted you to succeed in all of this, that much was evident. And it was gradual, the way he stopped bringing you up, the shorter and shorter conversations, but of course I noticed. He wanted you to succeed… and then he wanted you.”

Liam sighs, the quietest moment of weakness slipping out. “I guess I didn’t realize as quickly that you wanted him too.”

“Yeah, you and me both.” Riley swings her legs under the bench, shivering slightly as a breeze brushes her bare shoulders. “Trust me, when I decided to come to a tiny foreign country to compete for a chance to be royalty, this is the last outcome I expected.”

Liam laughs. “It is rather ridiculous, I suppose.”

“Will you be alright, though?” Riley glances up at him, worried. “Madeleine told me there’s this law or something, that you have to get married to be on the throne?”

“Oh, that.” He waves a hand dismissively. “It doesn’t actually matter, I can change it after the coronation. It’s not as if we have any alternate governing body. This is an absolute monarchy; I can basically do whatever I want. Honestly, it’s a little strange we haven’t had some sort of democratic revolution yet.”

“Not on your first year agenda?”

“Not yet, no.” He smiles at her, and the sadness in his eyes has almost faded out. “Riley… I hope that you won’t find it awkward to be at court after this. I don’t have many friends, and although I know it may not have been my initial intention, I should hope to remain friends with you.”

“Oh, Liam,” Riley bumps her shoulder against his, “Of course. And I’m not just saying that because you’re about to be king of an absolute monarchy and can basically do whatever you want.”

He laughs again, standing up from the bench and brushing off his jacket before reaching out a hand to help her up. She’s only slightly unsteady on her heels until her feet catch purchase in the cobblestones, and she rests a hand on Liam’s arm to regain her balance.

His eyes meet hers, only inches away, and she feels that gentle tug in her chest again. In another life, maybe; in another timeline, she could be his queen.

But not this one.

They walk back to the palace in silence, Liam with his hands in his pockets, surveying the grounds. Now he is the one desperate not to meet her eyes, though she doesn’t blame him. Even though Liam tries to be the picture of strength, of nobility, he’s only human.

His lips brush across her cheek for the briefest moment when they part at the door. “You don’t have to stay,” he tells her, and she reaches out and squeezes his hand.

He’s swallowed up into the palace before she can think of anything real to say back. And she knows it’s not goodbye, not really – but it certainly is an ending.

She closes her eyes, breathing in deeply. The emotional turmoil of this night (of the last few days, really) has been weighing far too heavily on her soul. Liam’s blessing seems to have unlocked something in her, released the dam on her heart and flooded her body with feeling.

When she opens her eyes, she knows exactly what needs to be done.

The ballroom is still teeming with people, although many have begun edging towards the bar. A quick glance around the room doesn’t return any hits, and Riley frowns, wondering where to look next. As Liam mentioned, Maxwell is usually at the center of everything, and she can’t imagine what’s more central than this.

She catches Drake still pouting near the hors d’oeuvres, her skirts bunched in one hand as she tries her best to run towards him in those damn stiletto heels. He looks over at her when the frantic click of her shoes gets close, then crosses his arms and watches her approach, amused.

“You’re such a dick,” Riley says, bracing herself on the wall so she doesn’t trip. “It’s not easy to get around in these things, you know. You could’ve moved.”

“Why move when you’re already en route?”

“Dick.” She pauses to take in a deep breath, embarrassed at how winded her wobbly half-jog has made her. Maybe she needs to take Maxwell up on that offer to accompany his morning runs, although the thought of him seeing her like this is mortifying.

“Do you know where Maxwell went?” she asks, straightening up and rolling her shoulders back, hoping good posture will eliminate the residual humiliation. “He was in here last I saw him, but then I got, uh — otherwise detained.”

Drake sighs. “You’re a piece of work, Aldridge.”

“Oh, fuck you. I should’ve just asked Hana.” Riley looks out at the room, running a quick sweep before turning back to Drake. “Um, where’s Hana?”

“Seriously?”

“Look Drake, you’re not my ideal conversation partner right now either.”

He laughs sardonically, but there’s a hint of affection in his eyes. Drake can talk all the shit he wants, but she knows she’s his weak spot. Well, her and Liam. And whiskey.

“I haven’t been keeping tabs on Hana,” he says, “But Maxwell went looking for you a while ago, so he’s probably lost. Good luck with that.”

Riley makes a frustrated sound. “Do you have your phone? I should just call him.”

Drake reaches into his pocket and hands her something that may have possibly been a phone, once, but now resembles a sort of conceptual idea of a phone as designed by a seven-year-old fresh into the twenty-first century.

Riley stares at it. “Drake, what the fuck is this? What am I supposed to do with this? Oh my god, is that an antenna?”

“Yeah,” he frowns, seemingly unaware of her horror at this technological trashcan. “I don’t get great reception at the palace. It helps if you pull it out.”

Riley groans. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Okay, nevermind — how do you text someone on this thing? You’ve got Max’s number, right?”

“I don’t have texting.”

Riley blinks. “Sorry, repeat?”

He shrugs. “It’s a waste of money. I mean, why text someone when you can just talk to them?”

“What in god’s name —” Riley barely stifles an angry shriek. “Drake, you’re useless. Why the fuck didn’t I pick a dress with pockets? I’m going to go find him myself; take your stupid prehistoric waste of plastic.” She shoves the offending object back into his hands before turning her back and starting off towards the very door she had just entered.

Figures.

“Sometimes you can get service on the third-floor balcony?” Drake offers. Riley lets out a final disgusted sigh before quickening her pace. The sooner she is away from this dude, the better.

It’s a much overdue blessing that when she pushes open the ballroom door, she nearly runs into Maxwell. Just the sight of him is enough to make her stumble forward, her shoe catching the marble with an ill-placed step.

He grabs her shoulders to catch her, visibly flustered. “Riley?! Oh, thank god. Where’ve you been? I’ve been looking for you everywhere, I even asked Bastien, but no one knew where you were, no one had even seen you in ages, and I thought —”

Riley takes his face in her hands and kisses him quiet, her lips curling in a smile against his, giddy and breathless and warm. She doesn’t pull back until she absolutely has to — until laughter spills out of her lungs and she can’t keep the grin away any longer.

She beams up at his bewilderment. “Oh Max, you have no idea how good it is to see you.”

“I — uh,” he blinks, mouth turning up in a confused smile. “Thanks? Or, um, you too?”

“Let’s go,” she says, brushing her thumb along his cheekbone, “Let’s just leave.”

“What?”

“Right now, let’s just —” she tilts her head towards the end of the hallway, “We can just run away, before anyone says anything.”

“Riley,” his brings a hand off her shoulder to curl his fingers gently around her wrist, just as her fingers thread into his hair. “What are you talking about?”

But the question is already answered as she brings her lips back to his, stepping closer and wrapping her free arm around his neck. His hands find her waist and she falls into him, clutching at his shirt as she opens her mouth against his, and suddenly everything is a blur of soft and hard and need and want and more than anything, hope.

She leans into his touch, eyes closed, head swirling with every wasted moment that has led to this. It’s like a dream: the sense of detachment she feels as they pull each other closer, the heady drunkenness of her hands as she struggles to find a hold on his shoulder. They’re breathing too loud, touching too soft, loving too hard.

She lets out a shuddery sigh and feels him rest his forehead against hers.

“Riley...” he says, voice soft. She can feel his eyelashes brush against her cheek, and her fingers dig in against his back, trying in vain to grasp at the strings of their ephemeral moment and keep it from drifting away.

They look at each other, inches apart.

“I want to run away with you,” she tells him, “Right now. I want to run away with you and I want you to say yes.”

“Where would we go?”

“I don’t know — anywhere. McDonalds, for all I care. I just want to say fuck it to all this courtly shit and nobility and be with you. Like, properly with you.”

“Properly?”

“Yeah.” She bites her lip. “You’re my best friend, you know?”

Maxwell takes her hands in his, and he’s looking at her so intensely she feels the blush pool hot in her cheeks. “You’re mine too.”

She dips her head, hoping to hide the burning spreading through her face. “I’m always yours.”

He smiles.

“What,” bellows a new voice, echoing down the hallway with footsteps far too angry for a ball, “in the crown’s name —”

They both turn, hands still clasped between them, and Riley whispers, “Fuck.”

Bertrand looks equal parts flabbergasted and livid, his expression twitching between the two as if he can’t quite make up his mind which is more applicable. He is walking much too quickly, the furrow in his brow getting more defined by the second, and Riley grips Maxwell’s hand tighter while also fearing slightly for his life.

“Did I just — did you just —” he comes to a halt in front of them, out of breath for more reasons than one and seemingly unable to string together a coherent sentence. “Have either of you ever — did you even once consider —”

“Down to run away whenever you are,” Maxwell says under his breath.

“Have the both of you lost your damn minds?!” Bertrand throws his hands up, eyes wild. “All of the work, all of the time and moneythat we have spent, ensuring that this occasion would be one of restorative glory for our household — and the entire time the two of you have been sneaking around… fraternizing?”

“How long have you been standing there?” Riley asks tentatively. “Because technically we were friendzoning each other at the end.”

He gives her a look so withering that she takes a hasty step behind Maxwell.

“You should both be grateful that I am the one who ran in on this abhorrent exchange instead of someone who might have let it slip to the Prince, or else this—” he gestures sharply at the door of the ballroom, “would be over.”

“Oh, um,” Riley says, “Well, about that.”

“Bertrand,” Maxwell starts, “Look, you have to give us a second to —”

Riley raises her voice. “Liam knows.”

“What?” Bertrand hisses, at the same time Maxwell looks down at her in shock, “You told him?”

“I didn’t tell him,” she answers Maxwell, meeting his eyes and trying to pretend it’s just the two of them. “Or, well, I did tell him, eventually. But he already knew. He said he guessed.”

“He guessed?” Bertrand is losing his mind. “How long has this been going on for? Has the entire palace been in on this ridiculous affair?!”

“It doesn’t matter.” Riley takes a deep breath, turning back to face him. “Liam knows, and he’s not going to marry me, and I’m not going to be queen.”

“There’s still time,” Bertrand says desperately, “Maybe if you talk to him, if you just explain the situation, perhaps he would be willing to overlook the indiscretion?”

“Oh my god, this is not an ‘indiscretion,’” Maxwell says, a sharpness in his tone that Riley hasn’t heard before. “You have to stop treating Riley like some tool to get back in the court’s good graces. It’s nobody’s fault but yours that things ended up this way, and you can’t expect anyone but yourself to clean up the mess you made.”

Bertrand scoffs. “What are you insinuating, that our current state of affairs is my fault?”

“Yes.” Maxwell’s resolve doesn’t waver, but Riley can feel his fingers tighten in hers. “And you know exactly what I’m talking about, unless you conveniently forgot the last girl you tried to send packing?”

Riley glances between the two of them, confused. Clearly there are a lot more secrets in this family than anticipated. Who needs to keep up with the Kardashians when you have the Cordonian nobility?

“This… this is absurd,” Bertrand sputters, clearly taken aback by Maxwell’s unexpected turn on the offensive. “Both of you are coming with me, and we’re going to fix this. We’ll set things straight; we have to. Perhaps Prince Liam misunderstood, he’ll be gracious, he —”

“I said, it doesn’t matter!” Riley shouts, startling the both of them. “Maxwell and I are in love, and we’re running away together, okay?!”

Bertrand blinks.

“But not like, far,” Maxwell interjects quietly, “I mean, we’ll be back.”

Bertrand rubs his temples, visibly distressed. “I absolutely cannot condone this. Will you not stop?”

Riley loops her arm in Maxwell’s, pulling him closer. “No?”

“You could at least be definitive.” Bertrand sighs. “Perhaps I should have expected this from both of you, since you seem entirely incapable of doing what I ask. Why not go full speed in the completely opposite direction?”

“Good idea,” Maxwell says, squeezing Riley’s hand. She looks up at him, raising an eyebrow, and he raises one back, and then before she even has a chance to squeeze his hand back in confirmation, they take off towards the other end of the hall.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Bertrand yells from behind them.

Riley can’t help the rush of giggles that break free from her at his voice, the sound punctuated by the echoes of her and Maxwell’s footfalls in the vast hallway. “Running away together!” she calls out in response, not looking back.

She almost trips as she steadies her hurried steps on her toes (these ridiculous shoes much louder and higher than they need to be) before the two of them barrel into a side door and stumble out onto the garden.

Riley is breathless, hopping on one foot as she undoes the clasp on her heels, kicking the shoes off with a deft shake of each ankle, then running out towards the lawn to grab them. Maxwell follows her, laughing too, and she holds up the shoes in one hand like a prize.

“We did it,” she grins, “We even beat Bertrand. That’s final boss type stuff right there.”

“Sorry about that,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck, “I didn’t mean to go off at him.”

Riley tilts her head, tracing a finger down his arm. “I don’t know, it was kinda hot.”

Maxwell laughs so hard at this that she smacks him with a shoe. “Shut up! It kinda was!”

“Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind next time I fight with my brother. Real romantic stuff right there.”

“You’re the worst,” Riley wrinkles her nose at him, but can’t quite suppress her smile. “What’s his deal anyway? I can’t possibly piss him off that much, right?”

“He’s not good at emotions. Or like, relationships. He’s got — um, girl trouble.”

Riley barks out a laugh. “With who?”

“You’d be surprised.”

He slings an arm around her shoulders, and she wraps hers around his back, shoes still dangling from her other hand, and the two of them set off across the damp grass of the palace lawn. They don’t really have a destination, now that the running is over, but that’s okay.

“Oh! I’ve been meaning to tell you all night,” Riley says, feet sinking into the earth with each step. “I think Olivia is into Drake.”

“Olivia? Olivia Nevrakis?”

“Yes, oh my god, right? She said the weirdest thing to me in the bathroom.”

“How weird?”

“Like, ‘I want to fuck Drake’ weird.”

“No.”

“I’m serious!”

“That’s simultaneously the worst and best thing I’ve ever heard.”

“You’re welcome.”

Riley feels her feet hit the cool cobblestones of the main walkway, the lights of the city edging up over the hedges beyond. She pauses, her heartbeat loud in her chest, a sounding drum for the bridge in their lopsided melody. Maxwell halts along with her, his eyes falling on hers in a question.

“Let’s steal a car,” she says.

He doesn’t miss a beat. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Well — I mean, first of all you’d have to find a car to steal, and then you’d have to know how to steal it, and then there’s the matter of the King’s Guard.” Maxwell is rubbing gentle circles against her shoulder blade with his thumb. Riley’s not even sure if he’s aware he’s doing it, but her heart swells. “So like, once you get past all of that stuff. Sure.”

“Doesn’t Liam have like a hundred cars or something? What’s the point of being royal if you don’t have a hundred cars?”

“What’s the point indeed.”

“And the second part — we can just google that.” She frowns. “Wait, shit. I don’t have my phone. Do you have yours?”

“Yeah, but service is notoriously terrible at the palace.”

“Again, what is the fucking point of being royal.”

“Pretty much nothing when you put it that way.”

She sighs, letting her head fall against his shoulder, shoes swinging from tired fingers. “What if we just call an Uber and go home?”

“What’s… Uber?”

Riley jerks her head back up, suddenly too exhausted for this. “No, do nottell me that Cordonia doesn’t have Uber. I will personally march back into that goddamn ballroom and scream in Liam’s face until he calls the fucking CEO himself and gets that shit set up, I’m not even kidding, I am dead serious—”

Maxwell is laughing, eyes alight with that all too familiar mischief, and she feels herself slump back against him. “You’re joking, aren’t you?”

“Of course we have Uber,” He’s got his phone out in his free hand, the glow of the screen illuminating his smile. “You’re too easy, you know that?”

“I’m not easy,” Riley grumbles against his shoulder. He kisses the top of her head.

“Whatever you say.”

Their driver looks thoroughly unimpressed upon arrival, despite the resplendent glamour of the palace behind them. As Maxwell opens the door for Riley, the driver gives her a look through the open window.

“No shoes, no shirt, no service.”

Riley holds up her heels, now dangling from a single finger. “Shoes.” She nods towards Maxwell, who’s trying not to laugh at her. “Shirt.”

“Well, I’m charging extra if you make a mess,” the man grumbles, turning back towards the road. Riley drops down into the backseat in a huff.

“You know he’s like, basically a Duke?” she says loudly, leaning forward and making eye contact in the rear-view mirror. Maxwell slides in on his side and pulls her back, and she scrunches up her face, but leans in against his shoulder anyway. “What? You are.”

“Bertrand’s the Duke, not me. It’s much less impressive with the qualifier.” The driver has fully tuned them out at this point, and Riley closes her eyes, reaching down to fold Maxwell’s hand in hers as he shuts his door.

“Okay, but what if some terrible accident befalls Bertrand?”

“Title goes to his heir.”

Riley laughs. “What heir?”

“Um — I mean like, hypothetically, if he had a child with a secret fling who consequently went into hiding somewhere like, I don’t know, France or whatever. Then, y’know — heir.”

“Sounds juicy,” Riley murmurs. “We can only dream of Bertrand leading such a dramatic lifestyle.”

“Mhmm.” Maxwell sighs. “More like a nightmare.”

The further they get from the palace, the more Riley feels the tension of the coronation night slipping away from her. It’s a welcome relief, a lightness in her shoulders and in her heart that she hasn’t felt in weeks. Maxwell is warm against her side, and she can feel her eyelids getting heavier as the streetlights become fewer and far-between.

“Max?” she says quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For everything.”

He turns to look at her, and she blinks up at him from her spot nestled into his side, hoping he understands exactly what she means.

She’s half asleep when they finally pull in at the Beaumont estate, her shoes still loosely clutched in one hand as she emerges, bleary-eyed, from the car. Maxwell is a few steps away, fiddling with the payment on his phone, and she watches him illuminated in the glow of the screen.

He looks up finally, catching her staring. “What?”

“Nothing, I just…” she sucks in a deep breath, chewing on her bottom lip. “I’m glad this is happening. You and me.”

“Yeah,” He offers her his arm and she takes it, the two of them heading up the walkway to the entrance. “’We’re in love and we’re running away together,’ right?”

“That was — look, it was thematically appropriate phrasing at the time, okay?”

He slips his hand into hers, fingers falling into place like they were always meant to. “You would be a terrible poker player Riley.”

“Oh, shut up.”

The door opens before they’ve even made it up the stairs, one of the staff members emerging from behind with a demure bow. Maxwell pauses in a brief moment of panic, watching as her eyes flick between their clasped hands and Riley’s disheveled appearance.

“Lord Beaumont, Lady Aldridge,” she says carefully, “We didn’t expect you back this early. Everyone’s been following the coronation proceedings on television.” Her tone is pointed as she raises one deliberate eyebrow. “Very interesting waiting to see which of his suitors the prince will choose.”

Riley feels the heat in her face, but Maxwell is moving again, pulling her after him, taking the stairs two at a time.

“That’s great, that’s wonderful,” He’s talking even faster than he’s walking, striding past the judgmental gaze with each word. “Then you’ll know the whole thing was terribly stuffy. Huge bore. Not our kind of scene at all, old nobles and all that. Figured we would just get the highlights later, leave the ceremony to Bertrand.”

The woman shuts the entrance doors behind them, the air of propriety still heavy around her even as Maxwell practically drags Riley down the hallway and out of her presence. “My apologies sir, the Duke informed us that you wouldn’t be back for several days, otherwise I would have prepared —”

“Don’t worry about it!” Maxwell chimes back, already halfway through another doorway as Riley hurries after him. “I’ll let you know if I need anything!”

Riley kicks the door shut behind them, sinking down into a nearby couch and dropping her shoes on the side table. “Jesus,” she says dryly, “Suddenly I’m thankful for my common upbringing.”

“It’s not the worst thing she’s caught me doing, that’s for sure,” Maxwell runs a hand through his hair. “But given the circumstances… I guess it ranks.”

“Ooo, storytime?”

Maxwell drops down next to her on the couch, wrapping an arm around the back so his fingertips brush her shoulder. “Only if you’re lucky.”

She kisses his cheek. “I’m always lucky. What room is this?”

“It’s a parlor room,” He answers. “No one should come in here — at least, none of the staff.” He glances over, sheepish. “Or Drake.”

Riley laughs, but it turns into a yawn midway through. “You and your staff… sir.”

“Lady.”

She grins, reaching up to brush the hair off his forehead, fingers lingering along the side of his face. “Is she going to tell on us?”

“Oh, absolutely.” He catches her hand, kissing the inside of her wrist. “This is some prime gossip; I imagine she’s already sent out a news bulletin.”

“I can see the headline,” Riley yawns again, leaning into his side. “’Desperate Love Affair Exposed: King’s Former Suitor Caught Barefoot with Almost-Duke.’”

He makes a face. “Don’t focus on the barefoot, that makes it sound foot fetish-y.”

“Hmm, okay… ‘Waitress Gets Biggest Tip of Her Life’?”

“God, Riley, seriously?”

Riley closes her eyes, her laughter just barely audible. “S’like a bad porno.”

“There’s your headline,” Maxwell says.

She blinks one eye open, blearily looking up at him. “I can’t believe the one time we’re actually alone… and all I wanna do is sleep with you.”

A pause, then she adds, “Like, the sleeping kind.”

He laughs, eyes bright. “I gathered.”

“But the other kind too,” She sighs, tucking her feet up. “Gonna jump you in the morning, okay?”

“Mmhm,” he replies, resting his head on hers as she nestles in against him, “And we can get brunch.”

“Waffles.”

“Belgian waffles.”

“And mimosas.”

“And pineapple.”

In a moment of clarity, she sits up, touching his shoulder until he looks back at her, their faces a breath apart.

“Hey,” she says, voice suddenly low, “I don’t wanna make this weird, or weirder than it already is, but I just need you to know —“

He shakes his head almost imperceptibly. “You don’t have to say it. We have time. We’ll have so much time to say it.”

She lets out a breath of nervous air. “Do you think… do you think we’re gonna be good? I mean, with everything going on and all this stuff… do you think there’s a happy ending for us?”

He kisses her forehead, pulls her closer in to his side. “Why would you want an ending?”

Her heart swells with something deep and gentle, a touch not unlike the drowsy tug of sleep already pulling her from reality. And maybe that’s what this is — a break, a piece of time pulled separate from the rest. A little moment all their own.

She closes her eyes, already halfway to a dream.

#trr fanfic #playchoices fanfic #mc x maxwell #maxwell x mc #the royal romance #trr #my fic #ok now that those are out of the way #big shoutout to all who have said nice things about the parts before this #i love u guys ur real ones #like truly it does mean so much to me #i dont wanna clog peoples dashes with reblogs but i try to respond to all my asks and/or replies bc they genuinely fill me with such love #idk if ill write more for these two in this world #maybe with a very large timeskip #but for now its time for my driam fic so god knows when that will get finished at this rate #long post

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arplis · 5 years ago

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Arplis - News: 38 Fun Things to Do in Tucson, Arizona

With incredible outdoor adventures, some of the best Mexican food in the U.S. (yes, seriously!), and a vibrant nightlife, Tucson may just be the perfect weekend getaway. Oh, and did we mention Tucson has wonderfully warm temperatures in the wintertime?! (Fellow Midwesterners, take note!)

The population of Tucson is just over half a million people, making it feel like a relatively small city. But dont be fooled there are an incredible amount of things to do in Tucson!

While there are many things to do in the city itself, the real draw of Tucson is what lies beyond. The Sonoran Desert which surrounds Tucson, is one of the only places in the world to see the iconic saguaro cactus, after all.

Were walking you through the very best things to do in Tucson, Arizona from epic outdoor adventures to foodie experiences to nightlife for all ages.

Our Experience in Tucson

Im going to be honest: Until recently, Tucson wasnt on my radar at all. Instead, I pictured the Grand Canyon and cities like Phoenix, Sedona and Scottsdale when I thought of Arizona.

So when my parents booked a 2-week Airbnb rental in Tucson to escape Minnesotas frigid winter clutches, I asked them, What is there to do in Tucson?

The timing was uncanny, because a week after my parents booked their trip, we were contacted by Visit Tucson (the tourism board) to work on a campaign with them. And all of a sudden, a city I hadnt ever thought much about took center stage in my mind.

When we started planning our trip to Tucson, I truly started to realize why my parents had booked 2 weeks there. As it turns out, theres a lot to do in this southwestern city!

This info-packed guide is full of top tips, where to stay, what foods to try , and everything else you need to know about planning an incredible trip to Tucson.

Contents:

Things to do in Tucson:

Outdoor Activities in Tucson

Food & Nightlife in Tucson

Art, Culture & History in Tucson

Planning your trip to Tucson:

Best Tucson Weekend Itinerary

Best time to visit Tucson

Where to stay in Tucson

How to Get Around Tucson

What to pack for Tucson

Tucson Map

Disclosure: This trip and article was sponsored by Visit Tucson. As always, all opinions are 100% honest and completely our own. Additionally, this article contains affiliate links. Read our disclosure policy for more information.

Outdoor Adventures in Tucson

If you like getting outside, youll find your bliss in Tucson because there are so many outdoor adventures to be had in the area surrounding this city.

1. Go horseback riding in the desert

I am going to embarrass Ben for a minute while I tell you something about him few people know: Hes afraid of horses.

Hes looking over my shoulder as I type this and saying, Im not afraid, I just think theyre smart and strong, and we should respect them.

Yeah, okay whatever, Ben.

But to his credit, he agreed to go horseback riding on our trip to Tucson. (Ive been asking him for the last couple of years, and he finally gave in.)

And you know what? When I asked Ben what his highlight was from our trip to Tucson, the first thing out of his mouth was, horseback riding!. So even if youre not an experienced rider, Bens reaction should give you some encouragement.

It was hands down one of my favorite experiences in Tucson too! We were able to see places we never would have without being saddled up on John Wayne and Mac (names of our horses).

Bobbi, the owner of Houstons Horseback Riding, led our group along the trail. We crossed rivers, ducked beneath low-hanging trees, and trotted past giant saguaro cacti with mountains looming in the distance. The landscape changed throughout the 2-hour journey, and the pace was slow and steady (great for those of us who arent experienced riders).

The views we got right up next to the saguaros on top of the horses was completely different than the perspective wed get walking on the trail with our own two feet. It was surreal.

And after chatting with Bobbi, its clear how much passion she has for this work. She has been working with horses for nearly her entire life and has passed on her admiration for these beautiful creatures to her children who help run the show as well. I mean, with about 30 horses to care for, the more hands the better.

So not only will you have an amazing experience with the horses, but youre supporting a family run business. Win-win!

Hours: Trail rides start at 9 a.m and 2:30 p.m.

Cost: $85 for a 2 hour walking ride

Book Your Horseback Ride Here!

Are you an experienced rider? If youre no stranger to horseback riding, you can book a private ride where your guide will adjust the speed to suit your experience level.

2. Visit Saguaro National Park

Saguaro are the huge cacti that adorn the Arizona license plate and serve as an icon of Southwest USA. And there is a National Park just 30 minutes from downtown Tucson that is dedicated to their existence.

Before we delve into the best things to do in Saguaro National Park, lets start with the basics pronunciation.

Say it with me: suh-waa-row

Now you wont embarrass yourselves like we did. (Youre welcome!)

And because I am fascinated by these cacti, Im gonna entertain you with some fun facts about the saguaro:

They can live to be 150 years old (some even are said to be 200 years old!).

They can grow up to 40-60 feet tall (12-18 meters).

They dont start growing arms until theyre around 70 years old.

They only grow in parts of the Sonoran Desert (a small area in Mexico, southern Arizona, and occasionally southeastern California.

They are expensive! Thats right, some people like to incorporate them into their landscaping, and the large ones can cost upwards of $10,000. The more arms it has, the more money it costs.

One foot of a saguaro weighs around 100 pounds!

We have a love affair with National Parks. Anyone else?! So it should come as no surprise that the first thing we plotted on our Tucson itinerary was a visit to Saguaro National Park.

And guess what?! It was our 20th US National Park! *cue champagne toast*

Saguaro is divided into two sections: one to the east and one to the west. In the middle lies the city of Tucson. Each side is a bit different. The west side of the park is more densely covered with saguaro, while the east side has more hiking trails and is more mountainous.

Try to see both sides if possible, but if youre short on time, visiting the west side of the park will be the best way to maximize your visit.

Best things to do in Saguaro National Park (with limited time):

West Side Saguaro National Park:

Drive around the 6-mile scenic Bajada Loop, and stop along the way at the spots listed below (plus any others that pique your interest):

Hugh Norris Trailhead: Hike up the trail for about 5-7 minutes and look west. Youll see tons of saguaro cacti and this spot would be wonderful for sunset.

Valley View Overlook Trail: 0.8-mile one-way (out and back) easy trail that is relatively flat. There are signs along the way pointing out the different types of plants and the final destination is a viewpoint over the vast valley below that is full of cacti.

Signal Hill Picnic Area: This short 0.3-mile hike up signal hill leads you to dozens of 800-year old petroglyphs that were created by the ancient Hohokam people.

East Side Saguaro National Park:

Drive along the Cactus Forest Drive Loop. It is an 8-mile self-drive loop that takes you to some of the major attractions in the east side of Saguaro National Park:

Mica View Trail: This relatively flat 2-mile return hike starts at a nice picnic area, goes through the cactus forest to East Broadway Blvd and back. You can also start the hike from E Broadway Blvd too.

Desert Ecology Trail: Paved 0.3-mile loop with signs to tell you more about desert plants. Great walk for kids.

Cactus Forest Trail: Splits the East Saguaro National Park from North to South. 5-mile return, mostly flat, but youll be surrounded with saguaro cacti the entire time.

Freeman Homestead Trail: Short 1-mile loop trail easy to do with kids. Youll walk by some of the biggest and oldest saguaros in the park.

Have more time in Saguaro National Park?

Douglas Spring Trailhead (East Side): This is a 16-mile out and back trail that is pretty flat for the first half and then switchbacks up the mountain until the top. About a quarter of the way on the trail, head to the left for 0.4 miles to see the Bridal Wreath Falls (dont expect a massive falls, but refreshing to see in the desert).

King Canyon Trail (West Side): The trailhead starts opposite of the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, this 7.1-mile moderate trail winds its way up to Wasson Peak. Many reports say its tough on the way up and you should start early, but youll be rewarded with an amazing view of the saguaro cacti filled desert.

Hours: Visitor Centers are open 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. but the park is open to vehicles from sunrise to sunset.

Cost: weekly pass to Saguaro National Park is $25 per vehicle.

Insider tip: If you dont already have an America the Beautiful Pass, you might want to consider getting one before your trip to Tucson. It will not only cover your entrance to the National Park, but also to Sabino Canyon. Weve put together a guide thatll help you decide if the US National Park Pass is worth it for you.

3. Mountain Biking around Tucson

There are few things better than being outside, getting your heart pumping, and trying something totally new. And thats exactly what we did on our last morning in Tucson. We woke up before the sun, grabbed a breakfast burrito for fuel, and headed to a trailhead.

Tucson has some of the best places in Arizona if not the best for mountain biking. And whether youre a newbie to the sport (like us!) or a seasoned mountain biker, there are trails suited to all levels.

Important info about biking in Tucson:Here's the thing we wish we would have known before going mountain biking in Tucson... Some of the trails around the city are unsanctioned, meaningyou cannot legally ride on them without getting a permit. And the even sketchier thing is some mountain bike rental companies encourage riders to use these trails without first obtaining anArizonaState Trust Landpermit.

Even after quite a bit of sleuthing, we still can't figure out how a visitor to Tucson could actually purchase one of these permits (as the site to purchase them is broken). Moral of the story: When picking the trails you'll ride, be extra careful to choose only those that are sanctioned. Otherwise, you can be fined (and you're breaking the law).

Luckily, there are some reputable biking companies that follow the rules and encourage safe riding on trails that are open for the public to enjoy.

Our recommendation:Home Grown Mountain Bikingis a trusted company that offers rentals, shuttle services, and guided rides so you have an expert with you on the trails.Cost: Mountain bike rentals start at $120 per day. You'll find other package options as well as multi-day discounts.

Some popular mountain bike trails in Tucson (that don't require a permit):

Mount Lemmon:Lots of rugged terrain and temperatures that are significantly cooler than you'll find closer to the city, which makes for comfortable biking even in hotter months.

Catalina State Park, Oro Valley:Lots of beautiful trails, like the intermediate track "50 Year". Note: to enter Catalina State Park, you will need to pay $7 per vehicle.

Tucson Mountain Park:Here you'll find 50 miles of trails that are primarily beginner and intermediate levels.

Insider Tip:Download theTrailForks app to get a detailed look at the trail you plan to ride.

4. Explore Colossal Cave

Stalactites, stalagmites, and bat poo, oh my!

Ive had a fascination with caves since I was a child, so weve visited all different types of caves on our travels around the world. When we heard there was a cave in Tucson, we didnt need much convincing to squeeze a visit into our itinerary.

Located a short 15-minute drive southeast of Tucson, the Colossal Cave has a pretty interesting history. It was once used as a temporary shelter for the Hohokam people (the regions first inhabitants) as early as 900 AD. And later, this cave served as a hiding place for 19th-century outlaws who didnt want to be found.

To enter the Colossal Cave, you must book a guided tour. There are a handful of options to choose from:

Classic Cave Tour: Good introduction to the cave and suitable for all ages.

Length: 50-minute tour

Cost: Adults: $18, Children (5-12 yrs): $9, 4 and under: free

When: 8 tours a day, depart hourly from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Tip: Reservations are encouraged

Ladder Tour: Navigate narrow passageways, climb ladders, and cross rickety bridges in seldom-seen parts of the cave system.

Length: 1.5-hour tour

Cost: $35 per person

When: 2 tours a day 9:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m.

Tip: Reservations required

Wild Cave Tour: The most adventurous of tours offered, guides will take you to the most remote parts of the cave system. Participants must be fit and ready for a rugged good time! Described as absolutely down-and-dirty caving!

Length: 3.5-hour tour

Cost: $85 (reservations required)

Restrictions: 16 years old and older

When: 1 tour a day at 1 p.m.

Tip: There is an Intermediate option as well as Advanced ($125).

Our Opinion: Due to our limited time, the Classic Cave Tour was the one that best fit into our schedule. While it was a good introduction, it wasnt anything too different from what weve seen in other cave systems. We wished we had booked the Ladder or Wild Tour, as it would have been a bit more up our alley in terms of adventure!

Learn more about each tour and make your bookings here.

5. Sunset in the desert

Look up to the skies at dusk and youre in for an incredible show put on by Mother Nature. Seriously though, Tucson is known for having some epic sunsets, so plan to be somewhere special for at least one of the evenings during your trip.

Theres nothing like seeing the cacti start to glow as the sky takes on a pinkish hue.

Some top spots around Tucson for sunset:

Gates Pass

Saguaro National Park

A Mountain

JW Marriot

Tucson Mountain Park

Mount Lemmon scenic drive

6. Get a view over Tucson from A Hill (aka Sentinel Peak Park)

Look to the horizon and you shouldnt have a problem spotting A Hill, which, as the name implies, is adorned with a giant letter A made of rocks. This tribute to the University of Arizona is not only a town icon, but it marks one of the best spots to get a view over the city.

As long as the sky is clear, any time of day will grant you a sweeping view. Get an early morning start here and view the city beneath blue skies.

Or come for that golden hour glow and stay after the sun goes down to see the city lights begin to sparkle. Just know that after the sun sets, this is clearly a makeout spot, which is slightly awkward...

Alternative: Are you looking to get a workout in instead of taking the easy way and driving to the top? Pat yourself on the back, and then head to Tumamoc Hill. The trailhead is just a few minutes drive past the starting point of Sentinel Peak. This short but steep climb is a 3-mile round trip with a 700-foot elevation gain.

7. Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum

I hate to admit it, but unless it is truly something special like the Met in NYC or the Uffizi in Florence I dont always prioritize fitting museums into our travel plans. Honestly, Id rather be outside or eating which I suppose could be my life motto.

However, once we saw reviews for the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, we decided to squeeze it into our itinerary. I mean, its the top-rated Tucson attraction on TripAdvisor (earning 5 stars with more than 8,000 reviews!), so surely it has to be worthwhile, right?

Honestly, after checking it out, I would say it depends. I know thats annoying to hear when trying to plan your itinerary, but keep reading to see if it is an experience thatll float your boat.

First things first, dont think of this as a typical museum... It's more of a zoo blended with a botanical garden and a dash of museum thrown in there for fun.

Youll find a huge variety of exhibits and lots of information around the park. To really explore everything thoroughly, youll need at least 2 hours.

Here are some of the main exhibits:

Aquarium

Raptor Flights

Hummingbird Aviary

Cave & Earth Sciences Center (the cave is artificial but pretty convincing)

Botanical Garden

Indoor Play Area for kids

One major perk to visiting the museum is your entrance fee will help contribute to their ongoing conservation and research efforts. One of their primary missions is to understand, connect people to and protect the natural systems of the Sonoran Desert Region.

Considering that the Sonoran Desert region is home to one of the greatest varieties of plants and animals out of any desert in the world, you can see it is pretty important work.

Interested in hearing more? Check out their website to see their current conservation and research projects.

Our thoughts on the Desert Museum:

Our favorite parts were the cave and gemstone exhibits. We are big rock nerds, so this part was especially cool. Theres even a little piece of rock from the moon on display which Ben geeked out about!

We think this would be a fun activity with kids (though we arent experts on the whole subject of children just yet!).

Honestly, zoos usually arent our thing (but thats a topic for another time). So we werent all that fond of the animal exhibits at this museum.

There is a small pool with stingrays where people can pay a small fee to touch them. We personally try to avoid any animal attraction that encourages touching.

Summary: Overall, this attraction is very well put together with accessible paths, frequent water fountains and toilets, lots of informational signs, and activities for children. You can learn a lot here and spend quite a bit of time exploring it all. However, if youre short on time, going into Saguaro National Park and Sabino Canyon are going to be even more worth your while.

Hours: 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Cost: Adults - $21.95, Seniors (65+) - $19.95, Children (3-12) - $9.95, Children (under 3) - Free

8. Go hiking in Sabino Canyon

Sitting in the foothills of the Santa Catalina Mountains, Sabino Canyon Recreation Center draws more than a million visitors annually. And for good reason: This place is absolutely stunning and packed with adventures for all types of travelers.

Encompassing two gorges: Sabino Canyon and Bear Canyon, you can choose to hike along paved or gravel paths, or you can save your legs some work and hop on a shuttle (for a fee).

Bear Canyon Shuttle: $6 adults, $4 ages 3-12; leaves every 30 minutes

Sabino Canyon Shuttle: $10 adults, $5 ages 3-12; leaves every 30 minutes

Seven Falls Hike

5 miles round trip

917 feet in elevation gain

If youre up for a challenging hike (thats well worth the effort), look no further than the Seven Falls Trail. You can hop on the Bear Canyon shuttle and get off at the last stop, which is at the trailhead. (Alternatively, you can skip the shuttle and hike the 2 miles to get to the trailhead.)

From here, its a 2.5-mile hike to the waterfalls that cascade over granite rocks to form pools that are perfect for taking a refreshing dip!

Important note: This trail requires some creek crossings, so be sure to check the conditions at the visitors center before attempting the hike. And be sure to carry plenty of water, as youll be hiking in some exposed areas and it can get very hot.

Cost: $8 per vehicle to enter Sabino Canyon

Hours: 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

Good to know: If you have a National Park Pass, youll get into Sabino Canyon for free!

Planning your itinerary: Wed recommend combining a visit to Sabino Canyon and a drive up to Mount Lemmon (described below) on the same day since they are in the same relative area. If you plan to visit the DeGrazia Gallery as well (#19), you can tack it on the same day since its not far from Sabino Canyon.

9. Scenic drive to Mount Lemmon

When we started planning our trip to Tucson, at least three different people told us, You absolutely have to make the drive up to Mount Lemmon.

And were so happy we listened because it was one of the highlights of our trip. We only wish we had allotted more time to it.

This 40-mile drive snakes back and forth as it winds up through the mountains. There are viewpoints, pullouts, trailheads and campgrounds very frequently along the drive, so there are plenty of opportunities to stretch your legs and scope out the views.

Youll notice a drastic drop in temperature as you make your way up the mountain, and depending on the time of year, you may even start to see snow (a crazy sight when youre coming from the desert!).

At the very top of Mount Lemmon, sits the tiny town of Summerhaven, which is basically a handful of vacation homes and a few small stores. Satisfy your sweet tooth by sampling fudge at the General Store and ordering a cookie at the Mount Lemmon Cookie Cabin, and continue to drive to the Marshall Gulch Picnic Area where you can enjoy your sweet treats with some real food you packed!

Insider Tip: One of our friends messaged us and told us to go to the Cookie Cabin, for huge and delicious cookies. Sadly, we got the text too late. So if you have the chance, go to this mountaintop log cabin and order a giant cookie for us, please!

Another fun thing to see is the (tiny) Mount Lemmon Ski Valley before you begin your drive down the mountain.

How long does it take? The drive is roughly 42 miles from downtown Tucson and takes about 1 hour 20 minutes from bottom to top without stopping. Wed allot at least 3.5 - 4 hours for the drive up and down the mountain with a few stops along the way.

10. Explore Catalina State Park

Catalina State Park | Photo Credit: My Mom ;)

Sitting at the base of the Santa Catalina Mountains, this state park is a haven for desert wildlife and is home to more than 5,000 saguaros.

Come to Catalina State Park put a few more miles on your hiking boots or to have a relaxing picnic surrounded by nature.

Hikes in Catalina State Park:

Romero Ruins Interpretive Trail: This short and easy loop is 0.6 miles and has just 68 feet in elevation gain, making it a good hike for most people. The trail brings you past some historic dwellings and archaeological sites that are marked with signs.

Romero Pools: This 4.9-mile out and back trail is rated as intermediate, and has a 1,047-foot elevation gain. Your efforts will be rewarded as the trail culminates at some beautiful pools.

Cost: $7 per vehicle

11. Drive through Tucson Mountain Park

Another park in Tucson? Yep, thats right!

You will pass through the Tucson Mountain Park on your drive to the west portion of Saguaro National Park. And actually the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum and Old Tucson are both located within the parks boundaries.

There are no entry fees, and unless youre looking at your map, you might not even realize youre inside the park at all.

Insider Tip: Be sure to stop at the Gates Pass viewpoint for an epic look over the valley. It is especially beautiful during golden hour. There are a few nearby trailheads too, so youll have the chance to stretch your legs if needed.

12. Visit Kitts Observatory

Kitt's Observatory | Photo Credit: My Mom ;)

Are you as big of a space geek as Ben?! If so, a trip to Kitts Observatory might be right up your alley. You can visit during the day to learn about telescopes and all the work that goes on behind the scenes, or you can take a night time tour and see the stars. But be sure to check the weather before you book.

Also, if the weather is cold, be prepared with warmer clothes because it can get even colder up on the mountain. Bring a good pair of shoes too because there is quite a bit of walking in the tour.

13. Tour Biosphere 2

Biosphere 2 | Photo Credit: My Mom ;)

Could you live in a bubble for 2 years?! Thats what 8 scientists did back in 1991 when the Biosphere 2 was first introduced to the world. Their goal was to study how a mini-biosphere would work with as few outside variables as possible.

Today, you can visit Biosphere 2 and tour the different ecosystems which range from rainforest to the ocean to a model city. The guided tours take you through various stations and highlight the ongoing experiments happening in the Biosphere.

Inside Biosphere 2 | Photo Credit: My Mom ;)

Some tours are included with the General Admission fee, while other tours have an additional cost. Tours can take around 2 to 3 hours. Plus, getting to Biosphere 2 from the center of Tucson is roughly a 50-minute drive, so youll need to dedicate a good portion of a day to this excursion if you add it to your itinerary.

Hours: 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. daily

Cost: Adults: $21, Kids $14

Check the Biosphere 2 website for more details on times and prices.

Fun Fact: If this is Biosphere 2, where is Biosphere 1? Well, youre living on it right now (aka Earth!). Mind blown!

Food & Nightlife in Tucson

Foodies are in for a treat because Tucson is packed with incredible dining options, especially when it comes to Mexican cuisine. And night owls will have a long list of things to do at night, from sampling the best local craft beer to enjoying live music on the town.

14. Eat ALL the Mexican Food

One of the things we were most excited for on this trip was the food. Mexican food, to be precise. #allthetacos

Being that this city is just over 60 miles from the border of Mexico, it should come as no surprise that Tucson is known for having a killer Mexican food scene. In fact, Tucson is the first UNESCO City of Gastronomy in the United States!

Psst! If youre a foodie, youll love this intro to the Tucson culinary scene!

The worst part of the food in Tucson was that we couldnt eat it all. Well, that and the fact that our weekend in Tucson obliterated our meager attempt at doing the Whole30 in January. I mean, Im not going to go to a Mexican food Mecca and not eat as many tacos, tamales and guacamole as possible. Its against the laws of nature.

If youre still reading my food-crazed ramblings, youre probably wondering where you can find the best Mexican food in Tucson, and youre about to be rewarded, friend.

While you dont have to look far to find good Mexican food in Tucson, were sharing some top recommendations, from super authentic hole-in-the-wall spots to refined Mexican restaurants with an exceptional dining experience:

Los Tacos Apson: Tiny, unassuming shop with authentic fare and a generous salsa/topping bar. We ordered a handful of items but our favorites were the taco al pastor and taco hass (carne asada, queso, chili verde); and as we were leaving, a local recommended we try the taco rasuada (grilled ribs) next time! This is also a great spot to try a caramelo, Tucsons take on a quesadilla (cheese and lots of meat grilled between tortillas).

Bocas y Tequila: Popular spot, especially with the university crowd, it seems. The tacos were super tasty (albeit not very hot, but we were there at a super busy hour!). The elote (Mexican street corn) was also very good.

Cafe Poca Cosa: An upscale Mexican restaurant with a menu that changes daily.

Taco Fish: Come here for fresh ceviche and tacos de pescado (fish) or camarones (shrimp).

Penca: Contemporary Mexican fusion with a chic atmosphere.

Mi Nidito: Serving Tucson since 1952, this place is a local legend known for large portions, delicious food, and as a place Bill Clinton once ate.

Taqueria Pico De Gallo: Best known for its award-winning fish tacos, this is another local favorite for authentic (and cheap!) tacos.

Taqueria Porfis: While the menu is small, thats okay because what they do, they do well. And the item theyre most famous for is their potato taco, which is stuffed with carne seca, tomatoes, lettuce, sour cream, and you guessed it potatoes!

Rollies Mexican Patio: Known for their rolled tacos, this cute and colorful cafe makes a great lunch stop.

El Charro Cafe: Set inside a century-old home, this restaurant serves up large home-cooked meals in a charming, yet casual atmosphere.

Fun Fact: This is the nations oldest Mexican restaurant run continuously by the same family.

Street Taco and Beer Co.: Good for late night bites, street tacos, and tequila cocktails.

Insider Tip: We read that if you want to find really authentic, no-frills Mexican food, head to the neighborhoods south of 22nd Street. And 12th Ave, which runs north to south, has a dense concentration of amazing Mexican restaurants.

These streets are part of whats known as the Best 23 Miles of Mexican Food (aka a 23-square-mile area in the city thats known as the best Mexican food north of the border).

15. Try a Sonoran Dog

Im not usually one to order hot dogs, but when we learned that Sonoran Dogs are a must try specialty from this region, we had to give it a go. For research purposes.

And lets just say Im pretty happy I made the sacrifice in the name of work. And while Sonoran Dogs arent something I would eat on a regular basis, they are pretty damn good.

So what exactly is a Sonoran Dog, you ask? This tasty blend of American and Mexican cuisine is comprised of bacon-wrapped hot dog, topped with pinto beans, chopped tomatoes, onions, mayonnaise, mustard and jalapeo salsa, all stuffed into a soft, sweet Mexican bun called a bolillo.

Rumor has it that there are two rival Sonora dog establishments in Tucson that both claim to serve the best:

BK Carne Asada & Hot Dogs: Winner of a Sonoran Dog locally-judged blind taste test against El Guero Canelo, it is definitely worth a try. They also have a large menu of fantastic Mexican fare, some may say the best in Tucson.

El Gero Canelo: With 3 locations in Tucson, this is a Tucson must! We sampled the one on Oracle road, and it did not disappoint. The combo of sweet, spicy and savory is an explosion in your mouth. Youre gonna want more than one.

After a little research, we chose to try our first Sonoran Dog at El Gero Canelo. While we dont have anything to compare it to, it was pretty darn tasty! If you have the time (and room in your tummy!), try them both on your trip to Tucson to determine the winner!

16. Sample Vegan Mexican Fare

Most restaurants featured on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives are laden with grease, layers of cheese, deep-fried everything, and meat. Lots of meat.

But an exception to this is Tucsons beloved Tumerico, which was featured on this hit series in 2018. This local favorite serves up scratch-made Mexican dishes with a menu that changes daily.

While clearly very popular, the service was fast, the prices reasonable, and the food delicious.

Our recommendations: The menu is constantly changing so we cant give specific recommendations, but if there is a taco made with jackfruit, TRY IT. You will thank us! Also, the turmeric lemonade was seriously yummy.

Moral of the story: Even if you do eat meat, Tumerico is well worth a visit.

Good to know: Tumerico is closed on Mondays.

More vegetarian options in Tucson

While these are not Mexican restaurants, here are a few other good options for vegetarians/vegans visiting Tucson.

Charro Vida: While not fully veggie, this Mexican-Mediterranean fusion restaurant (located close to Tohono Chul #35) donates proceeds to local school gardens throughout the region in partnership with the University of Arizona. Just looking at their menu makes my mouth water...

The Tasteful Kitchen: A somewhat upscale restaurant that specializes in vegan, gluten-free and raw cuisine. And while youre there, be sure to check out the mural depicting Mother Earth on the side of their building.

Urban Fresh: Casual cafe with plant-based wraps, salads and soups.

Zinmans Food Shop: carry-out spot with a patio, serving an eclectic assortment of dishes with influences from around the world.

17. Grab a cup of Tucsons best coffee

My name is Katie, and Im a coffee addict. If you are too, youll definitely want to start your day at Exo. Praised as the best coffee in Tucson, Exo does it all, and they do it well.

If you want to switch up your order and get something a little more unique than your everyday latte, order a chiltepin cold brew, which is made with spicy peppers!

And if your tummys a grumblin pick up one of their super tasty breakfast sandwiches, breakky bowls, or to keep the Mexican food theme going, try their breakfast tacos!

18. Visit a Farmers Market

When you combine locally grown produce, artisans selling their creations, and food vendors all in one place, youve got yourself some farmers market bliss.

With a handful of farmers markets around the Tucson area, youll likely be able to squeeze one during your trip.

Here are 3 farmers markets that are closest to town, and are easy to work into your sightseeing schedule:

Rillito Park: Makes a good stop if youre headed up to Catalina State Park, Tohono Chul, or over to Sabino Canyon.

Oro Valley: Stop here on your way to Catalina State Park.

Rincon Valley: Make a stop here on your drive down to Colossal Cave.

We visited the market in Rincon Valley on our way to the Colossal Cave, and while not huge, it was a nice stop to browse some local artists work and nibble on kettle corn!

Hours: All the markets listed above have the same hours.

Winter Hours (Oct. - Mar.): Saturdays, 9 a.m. - 1 p.m.

Summer Hours (Apr. - Sept.): Saturdays, 8 a.m -12 p.m.

These farmers markets are all put together by an organization called Heirloom Farmers Markets, and you can find more info here.

19. Go on a Food Tour

Im someone who gets serious FOMO when it comes to food.

When visiting a city thats known for its food scene, I feel like I should try everything, which is not exactly an ideal habit for my waistline or my wallet.

If you can relate (yay, Im not alone!), youll want to keep reading because I recently found the cure: Food Tours!

Food tours are a way for you to try a little of each (my favorite!). Plus, your guide usually brings you to local spots you wouldn't find on your own, and gives you insight to the citys history, culture and culinary scene.

So if youre interested in food especially Mexican food (Tucsons pride and joy!), you might want to consider adding a food tour into your itinerary.

There are two companies that run highly-rated food tours in Tucson:

Tucson Food Tours

Taste of Tucson

Weve taken food tours all around the world, and wish we had time to take one on our trip to Tucson. Guess weve gotta save something for our next trip, right?!

20. Hang out in Mercado San Agustin

This square just west of downtown has a collection of high-end boutiques, produce vendors, artisans and eateries surrounding a pretty courtyard. We were there on a rainy day (a rare occurrence in Tucson!), but with nice weather, this would be a prime spot to wander and grab a bite.

Insider Tip: We were told that Seis Kitchen is amazing, and La Estrella Bakery also looks really good. Try them out and let us know what you think!

21. Eat a flight of Ice Cream

Can I confess something? I have an ice cream problem.

Someone once told me, No matter how full you are, theres always room for ice cream because it can fit in all the cracks! And I think Ive taken those words a little too seriously over the years.

This is coming from someone who almost missed the last train of the day in a tiny Italian village because I *needed* to get gelato. And someone who has (successfully) completed more than one ice cream eating challenge.

So lets just say you should consider me something of an expert on the topic of ice cream.

When I heard about the ice cream flights (yes flights!) at The Screamery, I told Ben we had to make it part of our itinerary.

And when I found out it was right across the street from our hotel as well as another highly rated ice cream shop (Hub), I told him we better go to both. Ya know, in order to research as many flavors as possible.

The Screamery: Tons of unique flavors to choose from, reasonable prices, and the option to have a flight!

Flavors we loved: Sweet Cream Honeycomb and Rough at Sea

Hub: A little more expensive, less choices, and no ice cream flight option (dang it!). But still seriously good ice cream.

Flavors we loved: Queen Bee and Mexican Hot Chocolate

Overall, theyre both really good choices. I think the ice cream was pretty similar in quality, so choose the one that has flavors youre more excited about.

22. Sample the best Craft Beer in Tucson

While not exactly the level of craft beer scene youll find in Portland, Tucson has a decent amount of breweries in town.

If youre a purveyor of craft brews (were right there with ya!), here are a few breweries youll want to check out:

Dragoon Brewing Company: Open warehouse-style brewery with a great selection of all kinds of brews. We sampled a flight here, and it was our favorite beer of the breweries we visited in Tucson, but a bit outside the center of town.

Barrio Brewing Co.: Rustic-chic brewery close to downtown with happy hour specials.

Public Brewhouse: Tucked in a dark alleyway, they brew a mean Belgian Dubbel. Worth a stop if youre exploring 4th Ave. Seems to be a pretty new spot, and popular with locals.

Pueblo Vida: Small, hip spot downtown with lots of unique fruit-forward IPAs and complex malty dark pours.

Gentle Bens Brewing: We wanted to visit this brewery just because of the name! Well, that, and it looks like they have some good brews!

Crooked Tooth Brewing Co.: Highly rated brews with a typical brick wall interior. Flights come on a skateboard!

Borderlands Brewing Company: German Chocolate Cake Porter, need I say more Okay I will: female head brewmaster, daily food trucks, & massive murals on the wall.

Iron Johns Brewing Company: Fantastic micro-brewery with crazy concoctions in the heart of downtown.

23. Soak up some speakeasy vibes

Weve been on a speakeasy kick lately. And Ive gotta say, Tucson has a few great options if youre looking for handcrafted cocktails, and a mysterious, 1920s-esque atmosphere.

The Independent Distillery: Pre-prohibition style bar serving their own spirits and enticing cocktails.

Surly Wench Pub: Good for a couple of drinks in what they call an industrial goth bar. The vibe we got was new-age biker bar but apparently the burgers are good.

Club Congress: Throw on your shiniest flapper dress and striped suit and step back in time to this historic bar. Not only do they host the best 1920s themed parties, they have a jammed-pack event calendar including rock bands, cabarets, free yoga and stand-up comics.

Tough Luck Club: In the basement of Reilly Craft Pizza (an old funeral home!), youll find this cozy cocktail bar. Oh, and outside is a beer garden if you prefer a more casual vibe.

24. Tequila toast at JW Marriott

When in the Arizona desert it only seems right to have some tequila! And do you know what the best kind of tequila is?

FREE tequila!

Now that Ive got your attention, lets talk about how to get that free tequila, shall we?

The JW Marriott is in a stunning location that gives new meaning to the term desert oasis. But even if you dont have the budget to splurge on a $250-per-night room, you can enjoy unrivaled views and a free tequila toast at sundown.

Simply show up to Salud, the Marriotts on-site bar and restaurant, to take part in their nightly tradition of raising a (complementary) shot of tequila and share the legend behind the classic Mexican cheers, arriba, abajo, al central, en dentro.

And of course as soon as the story is over, everyone gathered there is invited to raise their glasses and make a toast as the sun sets. Tequila is passed around at 5:30 p.m., so be sure to arrive a bit earlier to get a seat by a firepit and enjoy the view.

And if you feel so inclined, try one of their specialty handcrafted cocktails or order your liquor straight up from their selection of more than 150 tequilas. Who knew there were so many tequilas?!

25. Mezcal Tasting

Tequila gets a lot of hype in the US; but in Mexico, people are all about the mezcal!

We learned a lot about mezcal during our travels in Oaxaca, and have been really interested in tequilas smokier cousin ever since.

Whether youre a mezcal connoisseur or youve never heard of the stuff until now, doing a mezcal tasting is a great way to learn more about Mexicos favorite spirit.

While theyre best known for coffee, each Thursday starting at 7 p.m., Exo Coffee hosts an hour-long mezcal tasting at their onsite bar.

While sipping on samples of several high quality mezcal (they have a collection of more than 150 mezcals!), proprietor Doug Smith walks guests through everything youve ever wanted to know about this liquor. This informational tasting costs $20 and reservations are not necessary.

And if Thursday doesnt work for you, tastings are also offered Wednesdays and Sundays between 6 - 9 p.m. for $25. For these tastings, you must make a reservation in advance.

If youre not interested in a full tasting, you can always come during their bar hours to enjoy beer, wine, or mezcal cocktails. They have a great happy hour from 6 - 8 p.m., where cocktails are just $5, and beer and wine are $1 off.

26. Get your giggle on at a comedy show

Weve realized that comedy clubs almost always guarantee a night of fun! Plus, its a great way to spend an evening in a new city, and most big(ish) towns around the world have at least one comedy club.

Tucson is no exception. There are a handful of comedy clubs, but it seems that Laffs gets the biggest national names in stand-up, so we decided it would be a good way to spend our Friday night.

We gave the address of Laffs to our Uber drive and had no idea what to expect, but when we pulled up to a strip mall on the outskirts of suburbia, we were a little surprised.

And when we walked inside, we soon realized this no-frills club was not going to win us over on atmosphere. So we crossed our fingers that at least the show would be good

Lets just say that we were clutching our stomachs from laughing so hard for the next 90 minutes!

Weve been to enough comedy shows to know its not as much about the atmosphere as it is about the people on stage. The comics themselves are what are going to make the experience belly-hurts-from-laughing-so-hard good or just alright.

Theres always the off-chance that youll hate the comedians style of humor (which has happened to us in a comedy club with a top-notch atmosphere!).

We were at Laffs on a night with great talent, and hopefully youll catch a great line-up as well! Our advice is to read up on the comedian who is performing to see if youll like their style, or just show up with an open mind and ready for a laugh!

And dont worry, you wont go hungry or thirsty. There is a long list of cocktails with quirky names, a small selection of beer, and a menu of pub food and snacks.

Laffs has a handful of shows each week:

Thursdays: 8 p.m. Open Mic, free show!

Friday: 8 p.m. and 10:30 p.m., doors open at 7 p.m.

Saturday: 7 p.m. and 9:30 p.m., doors open at 6 p.m.

Cost:

General Seating: $12.50

Preferred Seating: $17.50

You can pay in advance, or you can make a reservation but pay at the door.

Check out their schedule to see upcoming shows.

Psst! If youre into improv or are looking for a family-friendly comedy show, Unscrewed Theater might be more your scene.

27. Spend the evening at a Film Bar

Check Casa Film Bar's Facebook Page for New Showings

Looking for something fun and lowkey to do at night in Tucson? Oh, we have got just the idea for you!

Combine craft beer, food trucks and movies (three of our favorite things!), and youre in for a great time. Youll find this magical combo at Casa Film Bar, which is something of a local secret.

Essentially a bar inside a video rental store, come on a weekend night and youll be able to enjoy a movie showing with a craft brew (or wine or coffee).

They play films ranging from 90s classics, like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, to little-known indie films, to brand new Oscar nominees (Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was playing while we were there, just 6 months after being released in theaters).

Casa Film Bar Schedule:

Films & rotating food trucks: Thursday, Fridays & Saturdays (check their Facebook page for showtimes and to see which food truck will be there).

Smartphone Trivia: Tuesdays from 7 - 9 p.m. (free to play & winners get prizes)

Food Truck only: Sundays 6 - 8 p.m., Pop's Hot Chicken is the Sunday evening staple

Not only will you be supporting one of the few standing video rental stores left, but youll be able to check out a local hot spot and have an all around good evening!

28. Live Music in Tucson

While Tucson certainly wont make the cut for top live music cities in the US, that doesnt mean you should give up hope on catching a performance. In fact, as we wandered around downtown and along 4th Ave, we heard more bands performing than we could count!

From hipster bars to honky tonks, and century-old theaters to swanky resort patios, youll have plenty of choices when it comes to choosing a spot to catch some tunes.

Here are some of the venues in Tucson that regularly host live music:

Thunder Canyon Brewery: Large brewery downtown that hosts live music.

La Cocina: This restaurant has a large menu and an even bigger patio, complete with cafe lights and live music on the weekends.

Club Congress: Its hard to beat the atmosphere youll find in Club Congress, though most acts that come through here require you buy a ticket in advance.

Ches Lounge: Yummy cocktails and beer with an outdoor patio and stage for music.

Exo Coffee: Not just a coffee shop, Exo also has a mezcal bar and hosts live music most weekend nights!

Hacienda Del Sols Terraza: If you prefer your live music with a side of class and a bottle of fine wine, the patio at Hacienda del Sol is a good place to catch some jazz or classical tunes as the sun sets.

29. Nightlife on 4th Ave

Being that this street sits directly between the university campus and downtown, it draws a young student crowd as well as a mix of young professionals and tourists. And lemme tell ya: It comes alive at night!

You can find all sorts of quirky bars, restaurants of all kinds, cafes with poetry readings, and shops selling everything from cowboy boots to hippy garb.

Walk down 4th Ave and pop into any establishment that strikes your fancy.

30. Brunch in Tucson

Need a pick-me-up after a big night out on 4th Ave? Lucky for you, Tucson has some amazing brunch options thatll get you feeling like yourself in no time!

Insider Tip: If youre looking for a kickass Bloody Mary to start your day, Elliotts on Congress is where youll want to go. Their infused vodkas make a great base for the drink, and if you like spicy, order the Habanero Bloody for a real wake up call!

And even if youre not hungover, who doesnt love a good brunch?

Seasonal fruit, eggs, flaky pastries fresh outta the oven, housemade jam youre speaking my language! Oh, and we cant forget about the mimosas and bloody Marys.

Tucson has a healthy variety of brunch spots that are sure to strike your fancy:

Prep and Pastry

Cup Cafe

Baja Cafe

Five Points Market

Cafe a La CArt

Art, Culture & History in Tucson

For lovers of all things art, history and culture, theres no shortage of ways to fill up your time in Tucson. Were sharing some of the top things to do if you want to delve into this citys history and art scene.

31. Hunt for Street Art!

Tucsons street art scene is off the hook!

Ermmm do people even say off the hook anymore? Im going to assume no, but still, you know what I mean.

Youll notice colorful murals covering the sides of buildings all over town. Depictions range from desert scenes, to whales and fish, to cultural references, to random but pretty paintings of birds

You really wont have to make much of an effort to spot murals around town, but if you want some direction, here are some of our personal favorite murals in Tucson (and their location pins):

Whale mural by Joe Pagac

Goddess of Agave

Greetings from Tucson Postcard

Girl in Barrio Viejo (Across the street from El Tiradito)

Girl by Charro del Rey

32. Visit Mission San Xavier del Bac

One of Tucsons most iconic buildings, the Mission San Xavier del Bac is a not only a historic landmark, but it also still operates as a church to this day. If you happen to visit on a Sunday, you might just see a church service taking place.

This building is a beautiful example of 18th-century architecture, and has been nicknamed the White Dove of the Desert. As you wander around the mission and church property, youll notice influences of Renaissance, Byzantine and Mexican architecture styles.

If youre interested in hearing about the churchs history, consider taking a guided tour. They are free to join and dont require making a reservation. Simply show up at the museum entrance to join in this 45-minute tour. Tours run quite frequently, but timing depends on the season. Check here for tour hours.

Feeling hungry? If you happen to be visiting Mission San Xavier del Bac on a weekend, keep your eyes peeled for food vendors from the Tohono Oodham Nation who often sell frybread tacos in the open-air market space just across from the mission.

Frybread is pretty much just what it sounds like, a dough (sort of similar in appearance to naan) that has been deep fried to golden deliciousness. This traditional Native American staple is then topped with different ingredients, either sweet or savory.

Weve tried frybread tacos once before, and theyre really tasty. Theyre not all that easy to find in most places, so do yourself a favor and try one while youre at the mission!

Mission San Xavier del Bac Hours:

Hours: 7 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Cost: Free, donations welcome

Insider Tip: If you arrive in Tucson at a reasonable hour and arent too tired, wed recommend heading straight to Mission San Xavier from the airport, as its quite close (and a bit out of the way to come from downtown Tucson). Alternatively, you could stop for a quick visit before heading to the airport on your way out of Tucson.

33. Visit the historic Hotel Congress

It might seem strange that we have a hotel on our list of things to do, but hear us out...

Nestled right in the center of downtown, Hotel Congress is the stuff of local legends. Built just after the turn of the 20th century, it was here that John Dillinger, an infamous American gangster during the Great Depression era, was arrested and brought to jail.

Although he later escaped, Tucsonians take great pride in the fact that Dillinger, a prolific bank robber, was caught in their city. They are so proud, in fact, that there is an annual celebration and recreation of these events which takes place each year in mid-January (we were actually there for it!).

Hotel Congress still retains its quirky, colorful, historic charm. And walking into the lobby feels as if youve stepped back in time. Grab a drink at one of the many onsite bars, or catch a concert at Club Congress. And if you want to spend the night, the historic rooms are cozy, however, there is a caveat...

Our honest opinion: We stayed at Hotel Congress during our trip to Tucson, and while we would definitely recommend stopping in for a drink and checking it out, we would not advise staying here unless youre in Tucson to party.

They dont try to hide the fact that this hotel gets loud like really loud at night. There are even ear plugs in each room. Lets just say we did not sleep very well during our entire 3 nights in Tucson.

Interesting Fact: It is said that Hotel Congress is haunted! While were not ones to really believe these things, we did have a very weird experience where our closet door swung open suddenly. And at night, the 2nd floor where we were staying smelled like smoke from a fire. Spooky...

34.DeGrazia Gallery in the Sun

If youre an art buff, the DeGrazia Gallery in the Sun makes an interesting stop. This is a gallery dedicated to the works of one man: Ettore Ted DeGrazia.

Dont worry, I hadnt heard of him either; but DeGrazia is pretty well-known in Arizona.

So who is Ettore DeGrazia? Well, heres the short version:

DeGrazia was born into a family of Italian immigrants who lived in a mining camp in rural Arizona. Ettore later enrolled at the University of Arizona, and created a life around his passion: art.

In adulthood, he married (twice) and bought a 10-acre plot of land in the foothills of the Santa Catalina Mountains which would become both his home and gallery.

His works were underappreciated for many years until his oil painting Los Nios was selected by UNICEF to be printed on a 1960 holiday card, which sold millions worldwide. DeGrazias fame spread during the next decade, drawing hundreds of thousands of visitors to his gallery each year.

Visiting the Gallery in the Sun

A visit to the Gallery in the Sun will leave you in awe at the sheer amount of artwork DeGrazia created in his lifetime. The museum has a rotating collection of more than 15,000 DeGrazia originals! Anyone else wondering how he had enough hours in the day to make all of this?!

DeGrazia liked using all different mediums. Youll see oils, watercolors, sketches and even pottery on display. And another impressive fact is that the gallery was designed by DeGrazia himself.

When you visit the Gallery in the Sun, not only will you see DeGrazias artwork, but youll also be able to walk through his home and his private chapel, both of which are on the property.

Hours: 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., daily

Cost: $8 for adults, $5 for ages 12-18, children under 12 are free

35. Wander the gardens at Tohono Chul

Hailed as one of the countrys best botanical gardens by Travel + Leisure, Tohono Chul is popular with locals and visitors alike. Covering nearly 50 acres, this is said to be a place where nature, art, and culture connect.

But were not gonna gloss over the fact that when we visited in mid-January, there wasnt all that much to see due to the transition of seasons.

Wed imagine during other times of the year, there are more things to see. Weve heard March is particularly beautiful with the desert flowers starting to bloom. They also host occasional live music and other events throughout the year.

Our Opinion: Before planning your visit, wed do some research to see if it will be worthwhile during the season in which youre visiting. Perhaps between the months of March and May there would be more to see, as the desert flowers are in bloom during this time.

Hours: 8 a.m. - 5 .p.m.

Cost: Adults - $15, Children (5-12) - $6, Children under 5 - Free, Seniors (62+) - $13

36. Explore Barrio Viejo

Translating to old neighborhood, Barrio Viejo is just that: a section of Tucson that still has old charm. Sometimes called the real "soul" of Tucson, you can drive around and see colorful Spanish Colonial architecture and find authentic Mexican restaurants.

While some parts of the neighborhood are lively, there are other sections that have a run-down feeling.

We drove around Barrio Viejo for a while trying to find some of the beautiful, colorful adobe houses we had seen pictures of.

So to point you in the right direction (and minimize your time spent driving around in circles like we did!), here are some points of interest in Barrio Viejo (Note: please be respectful in this neighborhood because people do live here):

Colorful houses on S Meyer Ave and W Kennedy St (and further south on Meyer Ave until 22nd St)

El Tiradito Shrine (described below)

El Minuto Cafe: Mexican restaurant next to El Tiradito

The Coronet: brunch and late night food

Five Points Market & Restaurant: cute and lively brunch spot

Cafe Desta: popular Ethiopian restaurant

37. Visit El Tiradito Shrine

If youre exploring the Barrio Viejo neighborhood, make a quick visit to the El Tiradito Shrine. Stopping here only requires a few minutes and to the naked eye its nothing too special.

It is scattered with candles, flowers, and images of saints. But this is no ordinary shrine, folks. And once you know the legend behind this shrine, its kind of an interesting place to see.

Nicknamed the wishing shrine, El Tiradito is the USs only Catholic shrine dedicated to a.... wait for it SINNER! Scandalous, I know. But thats not even the crazy part.

Heres the short version of the legend of Juan Oliveras, the man who is buried beneath El Tiradito Shrine: Juan, a young ranch-hand, is married to his bosss daughter, but soon becomes infatuated with his mother-in-law (yep, you read that right), and makes a move. The two carry on an affair, which is eventually busted by the husband/father-in-law/boss. Ouch!

He gets so angry that he kills Juan right there before escaping to Mexico, where he is later murdered. The wife allegedly kills herself, and after all this horrifying drama and death, the daughter (who, by the way, we should mention is pregnant with Juans child) hangs herself as well.

It is said that Juan is buried beneath El Tiradito, a shrine that people visit for all different reasons. Some come out of sheer curiosity about the legend and others see it on a things to do in Tucson list, like this one!

But there is another group of people who come to this spot: Those who empathize with Juan and have similar love triangles in their own lives. It is said that if you write your wish on a piece of paper and have good intentions, it will come true.

Just behind the shrine is a crumbling brick wall, and if you look closely, youll see scraps of paper stuffed in the holes between bricks, many of which are wishes from past visitors.

This shrine was almost demolished when the city was building a new highway, but people in the community fought to preserve it. Perhaps they want to protect history, or maybe some people are protecting their wishes!

38. Step back in time at Old Tucson

Old Tucson | Photo Credit: My Mom ;)

Walk through what looks like a scene straight out of a John Wayne film, and watch as actors from the Wild West perform demonstrations and stunts.

Old Tucson is an amusement park of sorts, complete with a town hall, a saloon and a haunted mine, like all good Western desert towns have.

We didnt have enough time to visit Old Tucson during our weekend trip, and to be honest, it didnt really seem like our type of place. However, if youre looking for things to do in Tucson with kids, this could be a fun activity for a family.

Be sure to look up the schedule of events to time your visit right.

Cost: Adults: $21.95, Children (4-11): $10.95, Children under 4: Free

Hours: 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. (times may change seasonally)

Best Tucson Weekend Itinerary

Are you overwhelmed with the massive list we just gave you?

Dont worry, were going to help you pare it down a bit. Below, weve listed some highlights you can choose from based on your travel style:

If you love the outdoors:

Visit Saguaro National Park

Hike to Seven Falls in Sabino Canyon

Drive up to Mount Lemmon and stop on the way for hikes and lookout points

Explore Romero Ruins in Catalina

If youre traveling with kids in Tucson:

Do the Classic Tour at Colossal Cave

Sonoran Desert Museum

Go horseback riding

Order an ice cream flight at The Screamery

Visit Old Tucson

If youre into food:

Eat a Sonoran Dog

Check out our list of top Mexican food and try as many as you can!

Have a leisurely brunch

Order an ice cream flight at The Screamery

Go on a Tucson food tour

Try a vegan Mexican meal at Tumerico

If youre an art & culture lover:

Check out the Degrazia Gallery in the Sun

Explore Barrio Viejo and visit El Tiradito Shrine

Visit Tohono Chul botanical gardens (if the time of year is right)

Spend an evening at Casa Film Bar

Visit the Tucson Museum of Art

If youre into nightlife:

Tequila toast at the JW Marriot at sunset

Go brewery hopping

Scope out some live music

Grab a drink at Hotel Congress

Head to 4th Ave after dark for a night on the town

Do a mezcal tasting

If youre on a budget:

Do the scenic drive to Mount Lemmon

Go on a scavenger hunt to find as much street art as you can!

Watch sunset at A Hill with a view over Tucson

Have a picnic lunch

If youre craving adventure:

Go mountain biking

Go horseback riding

Book the Ladder or Wild Cave Tour at Colossal Cave

Hike to Seven Falls in the Sabino Canyon

Best time to visit Tucson, Arizona

Tucson is a great destination year round, however it can get quite hot in the summertime (albeit a dry heat). June is the hottest month in Tucson, with average highs soaring to 103F (40C). Yikes!

For the most comfortable temperatures, plan your trip to Tucson between mid-September and mid-May.

Even during December (Tucsons coldest month), the average temperature hovers just above 50F (10C) and it rarely dips below freezing. This weather will feel downright balmy to anyone from the Midwest (peace out Polar Vortex!).

Being that Tucson is smack dab in the middle of the desert, there is little chance that rain will ruin your vacation (unless youre traveling during the monsoon season of July and August). We arrived in Tucson on a rare rainy day, but by the next morning, most of the puddles had evaporated and there wasnt a cloud to be seen!

Another thing to keep in mind about this desert city is that temperatures can drop drastically from midday to evening. Be sure to pack layers to keep warm during the nights.

When Do the Desert Flowers Bloom?

It depends on the plant, but the flowering season is from mid-February to mid-June, with the biggest blooms peaking from mid-March to late April. Each year is different depending on rainfall, freezing temperatures during the winter, and springtime weather during the growing season.

Where to Stay in Tucson

Most of the time when were visiting a city, we like staying downtown so we can walk places and be near all the major sights. But depending on your interests, Tucson is a place where wed actually say you dont need to stay in the city center. As you can see from reading our massive list of things to do, many of Tucson's major attractions are on the outskirts of the city.

Weve rounded up some recommended Tucson hotels and Airbnbs below, with a mix of locations in the city as well as some that are a literal desert oasis.

Hotels in Tucson, Arizona

JW Marriott Tucson Starr Pass Resort

In the foothills of Tucsons Mountain Park, sits the massive JW Marriott Tucson Starr Pass Resort. With easy access to Gates Pass and the Western Side of Saguaro National Park, this resort has a great location. It also has 3 golf courses, 4 restaurants (with a daily tequila toast!), and 3 outdoor pools, you can really enjoy your stay in Tucson.

Azure Gate B&B

Located in NE Tucson, this charming B&B is a quick drive to the Sabino Canyon Recreation Area or the East Side of Saguaro National Park. Included in each stay is daily ( breakfast, an onsite pool, and free parking.

Hotel McCoy - Art, Coffee, Beer, Wine

This modern hotel is perfect for a couple or a family who wants to stay a little bit outside of downtown. There are murals everywhere (check out the pictures!), an excellent staff, and a daily continental breakfast.

Hotel Congress

If youre looking to stay downtown, Hotel Congress has an unrivaled location. Add to that its historic charm, and you might be ready to book. However, we would be remiss if we didnt mention that this hotel is directly above a club, and it can get incredibly loud on weekend nights.

So loud, in fact, that the hotel provides guests with ear plugs. If that doesnt scare you away, then you might love staying at this historic property.

Airbnbs in Tucson

There are tons of amazing Airbnb options in Tucson. Overall, they are very reasonably priced, and some even have pools. Just take a look at some of the Airbnbs we hand-selected for you!

Insider Tip: Find out how we set our Airbnb filters to find the best properties anywhere in the world!

'Case Study' Guest House: Charming guest house and hosts. Youll have the entire place yourself with a full kitchen and a rain shower in the bathroom. Southeast of Downtown. Check Availability here.

Historic 4th Ave Herbie House: Beautiful studio apartment in the 4th Avenue Neighborhood. Close to bars, restaurants and the metro stops. Check Availability here.

Sonoran Desert Retreat: This inexpensive but lovely place is located in the Catalina Foothills close to shops and restaurants. This would be perfect for a couple looking to get away from the busyness of town. Check Availability here.

Self Check in Airbnb - Near I-10: This cheap Airbnb is located in the northern suburbs of Tucson and is great for a solo travel or a couple wanting to mountain bike the local tracks. Its a small, clean studio, but it has everything you need for a basic stay. Check Availability here.

Tucson Poet's Studio: This Santa Fe Style studio comes with a beehive corner fireplace and a small lounging outdoor pool. Its pretty close to central Tucson just a few blocks east of the university, so its a great location for exploring. Check Availability here.

Psst! Is it your first time using Airbnb? Follow this link and well give you $55 off Airbnb!

Getting Around Tucson

While Tucson itself is a relatively small city, youve probably noticed that most of the major attractions are outside the center. In order to be able to see the best things to do in Tucson, you really do need a car to get around.

Rental Car

If youre flying into Tucson, you can pick up your rental car at the airport. We usually reserve cars through RentalCars.com because we have used them before and they have the best deals for rental cars. When searching I found deals around $36 per day for a standard sedan, which is all you would need in Tucson.

However, this time, we tried reserving our rental car through our American Express Platinum card and we found the same cars for about $23 per day! This saved us about $40 over the 3 days we were visiting Tucson. Head to this article if you want to learn more about the travel credit cards we use to get free or discounted travel.

When driving in Tucson: Be aware that some areas have speed traps enforced by cameras, so keep an eye on your odometer.

Uber or Lyft

If you plan to have a few beverages out on the town, dont risk driving. Instead, order an Uber to get you where you need to go. Downtown Tucson is not that big so rides are pretty cheap.

Metro

In Tucson there is a Light Rail metro line called the SunLink that connects University of Arizona to the 4th Ave District to Downtown (Centro) and finally to the Mercado District including Mercado San Agustin.

For a single one-way fare it costs $1.75, but you can purchase a 1-Day SunGO ticket for $4.50 which is good for 24 hours.

What to pack for a trip to Tucson

Camelback (if you think youll be hiking a lot)

Daypack for hikes

Chacos or other hiking shoes that wont get too hot

Closed toe shoes (for horseback riding or mountain biking)

Layers (it gets cold at night and hot during the day)

Swim suit (if your hotel has a pool)

Sunscreen

Sunglasses

Reusables: Weve been kind of living in a bubble in Oregon where plastic bags are banned and many establishments encourage you to bring your own reusables, or provide a somewhat eco-friendly option (like wooden utensils and paper straws).

While many Tucson restaurants and accommodations, like Charro Vida, Boca Tacos y Tequila and Hotel Congress, offer eco-friendly options, there is still a lot of room for improvement when it comes to reducing unnecessary waste (just like many other cities around the U.S.).

We had our reusables packed (as we always do!) which helped a bit, but it was still a challenge.

Responsible Travel Tip: Pack your reusables (listed below), and eat inside restaurants as much as possible to avoid waste like styrofoam and plastic utensils.

Its difficult to avoid it altogether, but wed recommend bringing the following to help you reduce the waste you create:

Coffee tumbler

Utensil set (great for picnics!)

Reusable straws

Reusable bag (one that stuffs up like this is great!)

Water bottle

For more tips on how to reduce your waste while traveling, check out our article on 18 Simple Ways to Reduce Your Plastic Use Everyday.

You May Also Like

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7 Best Desert Hikes in California Most Don't Know About

Las Vegas on a Budget: 17 Cheap Things to Do

Plan a Trip to Zion National Park

Going to Tucson soon? Share this Article on Pinterest!

We want to hear from you!

Are you planning a trip to Tucson? What things are on the top of your list? Do you have any additional questions for us? Write to us in the comments below and well do our best to get back to you!

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/38-fun-things-to-do-in-tucson-arizona

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rosekun25 · 8 years ago

Text

Fourteen Reasons why.

April 9th, 2017

Dear Tumblr Diary,

I’m watching “Thirteen Reasons Why.”

I haven’t read the books since middle school. But my cousin from my Dad’s side of the family sent me the book I think a year ago. Life always has a way of foreshadowing. I swear it does.

Anyway I’m reading the book too, putting off getting my food handler’s card because fuck that shit.

Anyway Im watching this and its kind of triggering. I havent watched the part where she kills herself but I imagine I’ve seen worse.

There’s a video I’ve seen Here’s a link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_PdYb0EL-Y

Anyway so far that part has hit me the most.

I mean, It has. After I got out of the hospital nobody asked me if I was okay. I had to lie. I lied about everything so I wouldnt get sent away longer than they needed me to be away.

I lied and said It was because I missed my great grandma instead of telling them it was because my world had shattered and nobody could hurt me anymore.

I lied about the pills. I took 96. Well thats now many were in the bottle. I told them I didnt know how many I’d taken. I just lied lied lied lied lied. I didnt tell anybody why I did it.

aTLEAST Until they couldnt send me away anymore.

So here are fourteen reasons why I wanted to kill myself

14. I felt like I’d do it sooner or later.

I mean it was really weird. I’ve had depression for most of my earlier childhood. I remember not thinking I’d make it to 20. But here I am. I remember wanting to get married and have children but I didn’t actually think I would live long enough to actually do it. I mean I didn’t think I’d finish High School.

13. I wasn’t beautiful.

At least I didn’t think I was. I thought pretty girls were 100 pounds, blonde and didn’t have to worry about anything except which husband they wanted. I guess I was sort of insecure. But not in the sense that I thought I was ugly. Just in the sense that I wasnt beautiful.

12. I was starving myself.

Well I don’t really remember this part. I just remember I was really really hungry. The doctors there said I hadn’t eaten for a month. But Im not sure that’s accurate. I mean I must have eaten at some point. I remember I drank tea. But anyway. I guess i was displaying “Anorexic tenancies” or whatever I was half asleep I didn’t listen.

11. I wanted to die. (duh)

But it wasn’t in the sense of me actually wanting to die. I mean when you’re young you learn about the circle of life, you watch ‘Lion King.’ Mufasa dies and you learn you wont be around for ever. I guess I just ’ wanted to hurry up and do what I was supposed to.

10. At the time, my life sucked dick.

I remember it. I was horribly depressed and doing my best to hide it. I remember I wanted nothing more than to just be held like a baby and told everything was going to be alright. But it wasn’t. There was a point in my life where I kept everything to myself. Everything. Even stupid shit like “Where do you want to eat?” or “Are you hungry?”. I just felt like I had to. Keep everyone safe, dont let anybody know you’re suffering sort of thing.

Anyway my life sucked dick, because I was always hungry never sleeping and I was overworked. I also was verbally abused at my job. To the point where I would want to cry whenever I walked in the store. But more on that some other time.

I also hated T or C. If Im going back there. Im going back in a body bag.

My Home life also sucked dick. I remember not having hotwater in the bathroom. I remember being cold every night because they refused to pay more money to turn up the thermostat. If I wasnt cold. I was so Hot. There were ants everywhere. On my clothes. In the kitchen. EVERYWHERE. I wasnt allowed to leave my house either. I couldnt just get up and go I wasnt allowed to leave except for school and work. I couldnt leave and it drove me fucking mad. I didnt have much food to eat, If there was food it was all gobbled up by my fat ass Grandfather who liked to steal my things. I still dont know what he did with most of it. The dryer didnt work either so I’d have to go to school in wet clothes that were freezing. I hated it. Oh and not to mention every morning I’d wake up to screaming. Always screaming. Nobody could ever say “Good Morning Rose, you’ve to wake up now.” No. They were too busy screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming,

9. I was so tired of everything.

I was. Really. I still kind of am. Im tired of having to work all the time and having no money. I was tired of waking up every day and going to a school. I feel like I would have liked school better if I didnt have to wake up early and put up with all of that bullshit.

The bullshit I am tired of here has literally went from 95% to maybe about 15% Professors are honest with me, My coworkers all do their jobs and I dont get in trouble if they don’t. Really Imagine, getting in trouble because one of your coworkers didnt do their job right.

The only bullshit I have to deal with is making sure I have enough hours. Which if you ask me isnt a biggie, also I make enough to take care of myself. Which is a lot better than where I was before.

8. I was going insane.

Now I know what you’re thinking “Omg, yeah sure whatever Rose. Everybody on Facebook likes to pretend they’re crazy for attention, Change your picture to Joker and Harley just to add edginess.

But no. It was stuff I dont want to dicuss with you. I had horrible dreams and I wanted to do some horrible things. In a way, I honestly thought if I killed myself I would save everyone. I still dont remember what I wanted to save them from.

7. I didnt have any friends.

Now again I know what you’re thinking, “This bitch is tripping. She won Homecoming Duchess and Princess at the last dance!” ( Side Note: I also went on to win Prom Queen. But Everybody voted for me because I wasn’t allowed to run for homecoming queen because I tried to kill myself in the Bathroom.)

I didnt have a Best friend. I didnt have somebody who hung out with me or came to my house specifically to play with me. I worked too much or somebody who ate lunch with me because they wanted to and not because I’d integrated into their little group because one of the members felt sorry for me and wanted to be my friend again.

I knew a lot of people. But I was fiery, Passionate and emotional. People were afraid of that. Either that, or they didnt care enough to try and understand it.

6. I was suffering from an unDiagnosed Mental illness

It was Borderline Personality Disorder. It was making me crazy.

I still dont understand what it means.

I know it means.

But I dont understand it.

5. I missed my Daddy.

There. I said it. I FUCKING SAID IT.

In my family, I was supposed to pretend he didnt exist. We all were. We didnt have Dads. We were just born. You know i didnt accept my Step Dad until My Dad stopped coming to see me. But what does that matter? I mean I wasNT A BOY. HE DIDNT FUCKING WANT A GIRL. HE PROBABLY HAS 80 BILLION FUCKING DAUGHTERS! HE DOESNT NEED ANOTHER ONE!!!!!!!!!

But how am I going to forget the man who hated it when I cried? The man who bought me all of these presents because he knew he was never going to see me ever again. The man who bought me my first Barbie Car, my Hamtaro doll and my pretty Amethyst Birth Stone Barbie. All because he fucking knew he was never going to see me again.

I havent seen him since I was two. But I remember waking up in my hospital bed with Leslie telling him he had to talk to me because the doctors said they didnt know if I’d make it. I heard my auntie tell him in spanish and then he said “I dont talk to anyone who isnt blood.” and I wished I would have died again and again and again.

4. I wasnt afraid to die.

I mean honestly who is? Im Catholic now. I understand its the circle of life. Ive seen Lion King. But I honestly wasnt afraid to die.

Here’s my philosphy on Religion and Death and everything

If you’re a buddist and you die. You go do Buddist stuff. Buddist heaven, Buddist Hell.

If you’re Jewish and you die. You go to Jewish Heaven because there isnt a hell.

I know in church they tell you not to believe in other gods. But God mentions in the Holy Bible several times. So Meh.

But I wasnt afraid to die. Im pretty sure my life had been clean and the only sins I really had were Hating my parents and Premarital sex. God wouldnt send me to hell for that. So I thought I’d go to heaven and party with Kurt Cobain

Because when a kid with Cancer dies, God doesnt send them to hell for dying of Cancer. So why would he send me to hell for succumbing to my depression?

I mean atleast even if He was the God I think he is.

3. By this point I was honestly sure nobody cared.

The English teacher who carried me to the ambulance cared. I’m sure of that.

But I mean nobody cared. I remember coming home to no food in the refrigerator and thinking “Oh well they’re making it easier for me now.” I remember nobody ever asking how I was. I remember feeling numb I remember waking up that morning and deciding I was going to give life one last Chance. I’d missed the bus that morning and I had to call my Grandmère to give me a ride to school because My Mother wouldnt teach me how to drive because she didnt want me to run off with my boyfriend and be happy.

Because I guess bragging rights about your kids going to college are more important than your kids actually being happy. I’ll remember that when I have kids. If I live to have kids at least.

Anyway I remember forgetting to take the pills out of my backpack. Im sure there’s an alternate universe somewhere where I did take them out of my backpack and I just went home early that day instead of killing myself in the bathroom. But hey what about the alternate universe where Hitler cured Cancer?

Nobody cared. Thats the point. Obviously if nobody noticed I was starving myself. If nobody noticed any of the signs that I displayed.

But of course they all showed up to the hospital and cried crocodile tears. Then they yelled at me again as soon as I woke up.

2. My life was over.

“But you were accepted into NMSU! You were graduating Highschool! You had your whole life ahead of you!!!”

Did anybody ever think for just a second that I didnt want any of that? Honestly! Everybody was so proud. Nobody stopped and asked me if thats what I wanted to do. Because it sure as hell wasnt. I didnt want to go to college. Twelve fucking years of a system that made me kill myself in the Bathroom and you wanted me to do eight more years?! I wanted to get married and have babies. But I had to. You understand. I had to. I couldnt be like my sister. I couldnt stay in Highschool forever. I had to go to school because Men are useless now and I couldnt just get married out of highschool because as soon as they leave you’re going to need to take care of yourself! But I didnt want that. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have kids.

1. Chance left.

Honestly this was it. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I could see it coming though. Yeah, I made fake accounts to try and talk to him. Yeah I was a thirsty hoe (Symptom of BPD btw). Yeah I kind of texted him until right before I did it. I mean I was 18 of course I was obsessed. He cared. He would kiss me goodnight, He would try to get me to eat but I never would. I wanted to be pretty for him. I wanted him to love me. He did for a moment. You know love is like a drug, A drug that makes you happy every day of your life. Even if all you do is fight. Maybe its because I’d never loved anybody before him. Not even my Mother. When I lost that happy bubbly warmth. I wanted it back. I was so desperate to get it back. I didnt notice. I didnt notice all the terrible things that happened. I looked over all of the mean words, and abusive flags. None of those mattered, as long as I got that feeling of being warm, loved, safe, and protected. Because it made me want to live. If I couldnt live. I wanted to die. I wanted to die and be with that feeling forever.

Maybe things would have changed if I had realize what a fucking scum bag he was earlier.

Am I still Suicidal? Yes.

You cant turn it on/off contrary to the belief of everyone around me. I’ve been suicidal since I was a little girl. But will I do it again? I cant promise I wont.

Fourteen Reasons why I want to live.

14. I’m happy now.

I dont know if I could consider this as happy as I want to be, I mean Im still single. I have no children. But I’m happy. I dont have all the money in the world but I can go get Starbucks. I can go out and eat If I want to and that makes me so happy. It makes me so happy to have access to food.

13. I love my apartment.

I love my apartment. I love everything about it. I do. Except the rent payment lol. I love that I can literally do whatever I want in this little one bedroom place. I love it. I love keeping it clean, I love putting up whatever I want on the walls and I love love love it so much. Im so warm and happy and there is always food here.

12. I love where I live.

I love my town. Its big, its bright and i can get whatever I need to. I can go to walmart again whenever I want and I dont have to beg anybody to take me through the drive through or pay anybody to take me to the mall. I can go see movies and see the world. I love the world. I love the grass and the trees and the warmth of the sun. I can sit on my porch for hours, I can watch the rain, I can go outside. I CAN GO OUTSIDE!!!!

11. I love being free. My freedom is my most precious possession, I don't want to die if I can be free.

10. I don't want to die until I find that person. My whole life I've been told There's a soul mate for everyone. When I think about suicide. I think about being dead, in a way, Death was freedom for me. But part of me doesn't want to leave that person alone. I can't. If He was made for me . Then he's like ME and if he is then I don't want to leave him alone.

9. I have food.

I know what you’re thinking “Whatever, I have a frozen Dinner in the fridge. Does that make me not suicidal?”

I have food to eat. Like I do. I dont have to scrounge around my house for a packet of Ramen or hiding a can of soup under my bed and praying it would be there when I woke up. I can wake up and eat whatever I want. I can make dinner and sometimes I just stare at all of the food in my refrigerator and smile.

Side note, It’s now May 12th, school is over. Im trying really hard to finish this. It’s triggering. Like, Hannah Baker, Everything she does. I can see myself in her. I could deal with the books. I could deal with the books because I had borrowed my friend’s book and typed the alternate ending and stuck it in my book. I visualized it in my own way. Now seeing it. It’s triggering. Did anybody notice? Did anybody try to?

What about when I did it? Did anybody think? Did anybody try and look after me. I mean nobody noticed me stop eating so I doubt anybody noticed me writing wills in my psychology class, or me writing my suicide note over and over again.

The final draft only had a few words by the way and nobody read it.

They didnt even read the instructions I left for them incase I survived and had to go to the hospital which is why I had to wear the same clothes I wore when i did it. Which absolutely sucked. But i was glad I was getting out of the mental hospital, so there’s that.

I still dont understand why shit like this cant happen in real life. I dont understand how people can make people suffer so much emotionally that they think suicide is the only answer.

This is really hard to write. I have to think of reasons I want to live instead of reasons I want to die. That’s hard. I want to die. Im so sick of this. But I dont want to die. I want to live.

In a sense, I really feel like Hannah Baker. Because She wanted to live, she wanted life and happiness but she just dies at the end. I wonder if that will happen to me?

I’ve had people ask me if Im sure I should even be watching a show like this. But I have to. I have to finish it.

I read the book I know what happens. But I have to finish it for myself.

8. Kingdom Hearts III will come out (Eventually)

I have found joy in video games once again. I mean. Ive always loved video games. But I was playing South Park Stick of Truth again and I liked it. I liked it a lot and I wanted to... I wanted to play it so much.

I’m sure they have video games in heaven but i wonder do they have midnight release parties? Do they have endings that arent perfect?

Im sure they do. But being alive for them is different.

Eventually though. Kingdom Hearts III will come out. Eventually. Ill get to play it. Maybe Ill get to play it with my grandchildren and teach them about Sora, and Kairi, and Riku.

7. I want to be a Mother.

Thats all I’ve ever wanted in life. Really. I just want to hold my baby and raise her/him. I dont want them to have to come home and wonder if there’s food to eat, or if the house is going to be warm or when Mom is going to come home.

I want to have children and teach them and give them love and warmth and make them safe and give them everything I never had in life. Like love, and chances. Chances to make something of themselves in a way I never could.

6. I want to live to be an annual passholder at Disney

I mean I’ve been to Disneyland Nineteen times and this summer it will be 20. But I want to be able to wake up one day, have the day off from work and ask my kids if they want to go to Disneyland instead of school. I want to go there and have a great time and not have to worry about school or work or depression or anything.

5. I really want to do my bucket list.

I mean there’s lots of cool stuff on it. But I’m sure they have most of that in heaven. But I want to do it before I die. Like I want to visit Euro Disney in person and hang out in France. I want to walk up and realize I’m going to see the Little Mermaid on Broadway tonight. I want to be able to tell everybody about what I’ve done and inspire them to do the same thing.

(Update: It’s June now. I have to finish it. I had to stop. It was getting bad again. Really bad. I’m ready now. I really am.)

4. I want to get married.

Honestly thats been my life goal since I was a baby. That and being a ballerina but appertanly my dreams dont matter enough for us to stay in a place I could actually achieve them. I want to have a big fancy wedding which will probably dumb down to me getting married at the court house which I am totally fine with. As long as I am officially married and we honeymoon at Disney.

Jesus Chirst I cant do this. I really cant. I fucking cant. . . Why? WHY am I here? Why did I live? It’s fucking impossible did you know that? Am I still alive? Am I dead? I wont fucking know! I’m so much happier now! I really am. But I cant do this. I fucking cant. Why? Why am I alive? Why did I live? SO I could pay bills for the rest of my life? I hate being broke. I hate not having any money. I spent 20 dollars today to go out to lunch and that was a luxury. I couldnt afford that. Especially with all these bills. Why? Why is it so expensive to live in a 3rd world country with Iphones? Why? I dont have a car I have to ride the bus everywhere and spend a billion dollars on fucking everything. WHY? Why? I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate having to be mad at myself for going to the mall and spening 11 dollars. ELEVEN FUCKING DOLLARS! I bought a keychain today. I bought a keychain today and I wasnt supposed to do that! I love my apartment, I love it, I wont leave it unless I’m in a body bag or leaving with my husband, But i dont understand WHY?! Why? Why do they want everything I have? Everybody just wants money. Everything is just money money money money, do I Have enough? WIll it last? Will I be able to do something with it? Why do you want all of my money? I can barley afford to live and everybody wants to make it fucking harder than it already is!!!!!!!!!! I cant do this. I really want to die. But i really want to live. I really want to live. But i cant live.

3. I want friends. . .

I want best friends. I want the kind of friends where you all can just hang out together and do stupid shit. I want inside joke kind of friends, I want the sort of friends that make fun of you but you know they dont mean it. I want a specific place for us to hang out and laugh and live.

2. I want to be infinite.

I dont mean immortal. I mean I want to do things. I want freedom. People have freedom given to them while others have to fight for it. I want to take a roadtrip. I want to eat at gas stations with somebody and travel and see the world. I’ve always wanted to see the world but i’ve been locked up in this FUCKING TOWER for so long and now i’m afraid to get out of it. I am afraid to live because I’ve never been able to live before! Why are people born free when I could not leave my house to get the mail?

1. I want to experience love.

I have never loved anybody. For a moment, I thought I loved Chance. But I realized, you cant love somebody who has never loved you. So i didnt love my Mother, or My sisters and brothers or my grandparents. That wasnt love. It was forced affection. Because when you love somebody you make sure they’re in the car before driving away and asking if they are. If you love someone you dont kick them out of your car. If you love somebody you offer to take them home instead of letting them sit in 32 degrees watching their spit freeze, while you let your family treat them like shit just like you did.

But I want to experience love. All kinds of love. I want to know why people like it so much and why the feeling is so euphoric. I want to be held and treated like I am a treasure. Like I am worth something.

Is that love? I will find out one day. I want this. Even if its the only thing I will have. I want it.

I’m on the second to last episode now,

I wonder if the author wanted us to feel bad for people we’ve slut shamed. I wonder if we’re supposed to think about it that way.

I dont know about you but I hate fake people who pretend they’ve killed themselves. I mean I know its a cry for help. But I wish they would go and talk to somebody instead of insisting they sliced their wrists 80 times and got sent to the ER even though their wrists are scarless and havent look liked they were cut ever.

My therapist once sent me to the ER because I told her I was feeling suicidial.

I thought that was utter bullshit.

Because all I had learned to do was lie.

Why are you suicidal honey? *Sniff* My greAT Gran died and I miss her so much and I wish I could talk to her and hug her. Oh baby it’s gonna be okay, Derek she’s not suicidal get her out of here.

See? Then at my next therapy session I had to lie to her and tell her I wasnt suicidal. Which was another lie.

Anybody who has ever asked me about my Great Grandma Elisa knows I hated going to her house and I didnt like her. I’ve never liked her. She was so mean to me. She really was.

But i cant say I cried crocodile tears at her funeral. Or when They woke me up and told me she wasnt breathing and I knew she was dead, and I cried in my sleep. Something I didnt do, and didnt start doing until it was getting really bad again.

Isnt that funny though? How i learned to just lie to everybody instead of telling the truth?

I’m on the last episode now.

I cant make you believe how many times I had to stop this and step away for a moment.

It was honestly too realistic.

Like just the things she said

“I decided to give life one more chance.”

I remember thinking the exact same thing.

and watching it blow it.

Thats always how my emotions have been.

Hannah is stealing razors now.

I remember the day I bought the sleeping pills specifically to kill myself.

I didnt tell my Mom that. I told her I was having trouble sleeping which was true.

I remember telling kids I thought I was taking too much.

I remember pouring handfuls into my own hand and just staring at them. I thought they were really pretty.

I remember sleeping in class because I’d take too many on purpose.

I remember hanging up on 911

I remember calling my ex boyfriend.

I wondered what would happen if he would have answered. I really do.

Probably nothing,

I still would have done it.

I remember swallowing handful after handful.

I remember being carried to the office and hearing your voice in my head.

I remember dying and being at peace.

I remember waking up and screaming and crying.

Because honestly. Suicide doesnt hurt. No. aside from me not being able to eat for a couple weeks without throwing up, or choking up tablets everytime I tried to take a pill.

What hurt was waiting. I waited for life to get better.

It didn’t.

Hannah baker is going to slit her wrists,

I’m mad. This isnt the way it happened in the books. She swallowed pills.

ItsnotrealRosemaryitsnotrealItsnotevenhowithappendinthebooks

This is triggering.

I reserve the right to skip this part.

I cant breathe.

Okay, Okay.

I dont fucking get why people say this show glorifies suicide. We are literally watching a girl die. The worst part is this is how actual people have done it. Oh my god. Oh my god there’s so much blood.

Her parents, Oh my god. Okay that was so fake.

American Horror story did a better job.

Which is probably why it kept me from killing myself. I watched Violet do it and it scared me. It scared me so I didnt do it.

You know when I first read the books I guess I was really confused because I thought Mr Porter raped Hannah. I was like in 8th grade.

Okay so Hannah Baker is still dead. The episode is over.

How are they going to do season 2?

I mean Tyler is Obviously going to shoot up the school and Alex tried to off himself. It’s Obvious Alex isnt going to die. It’s Obvious Tyler isnt going to kill him.

I liked watching this.

I mean aside from it taking me two months to finish because, well it kind of was triggering.

Side note:

I am not contemplating suicide please do not message me or call the cops.

Also for anybody who is.

National Suicide Prevention LifelineCall

1-800-273-8255

#13 reasons why #rw Fabulous #Rosekun25 13rw Suicide notFabulous #SaySomething ClayxHannnah 13RW Savealife

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erraticfairy · 6 years ago

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Podcast: How to Stay on Track to Make Lasting Change

When it comes to making big changes in our lives, most of us fail. Oh, the change might stick for a while, but eventually we go back to our unchanged selves. Why is that? Why can’t we maintain change for the long-term? In this episode, you’ll learn different reasons for this, but even better, how to make the long-term changes stick.

Subscribe to Our Show! And Remember to Review Us!

About Our Guest

Eric Zimmer is a dad, serial entrepreneur, podcast host, behavior coach, and author. He is endlessly inspired by the quest for a greater understanding of how our minds work and how to intentionally create the lives we want to live. At 24, Eric was homeless, addicted to heroin, and facing long jail sentences. In the years since, he has found a way to recover from addiction and build a life worth living for himself.

He currently hosts the award-winning podcast, The One You Feed, based on an old parable about two wolves at battle within us. With over 200 episodes and over 10 million downloads, the show features conversations with experts across many fields of study about how to create a life worth living. In addition to producing the show, Eric works as a behavior coach and has done so for the past 20 years. He has coached hundreds of people from around the world to make real, lasting change in their lives.

www.oneyoufeed.net

www.ericzimmer.coach

[email protected]

Twitter

Facebook

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LASTING CHANGE SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Narrator 1: Welcome to the Psych Central show, where each episode presents an in-depth look at issues from the field of psychology and mental health – with host Gabe Howard and co-host Vincent M. Wales.

Gabe Howard: Hello everybody and welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Show podcast. My name is Gabe Howard and with me as always is Vincent M. Wales. And this week we are going to be speaking with Eric Zimmer. He’s a dad a serial entrepreneur behavior coach and an author and he’s gonna tell us really about a lot of things and I don’t want to read your bio, Eric. Eric, welcome to the show.

Eric Zimmer: Thank you for having me on.

Gabe Howard: Eric, of course I have your entire bio in front of me but, rather than read it off, can you introduce yourself to our audience please?

Eric Zimmer: Well, what I do these days is I am the host of The One You Feed podcast which has been out for about five years and we we do you know kind of similar to you guys. We talk with lots of different people about what it means to live a good life. And so I’ve been doing that for about five years. We’ve been listened to I think something like 15 million times. And so that’s been good. And then I also do behavioral coaching with people. And before that, I’ve got a long history of various entrepreneurial things like a software startup company. I started a solar energy company. I’ve got a son who is 20 and is at college and as I mentioned to you guys sort of in the beginning, and I’ve also got a mother in law who has Alzheimer’s that we’re taking care of. So that’s a big big part of my life these days. But it’s kind of a brief overview.

Vincent M. Wales: I want to tell you I love the title of your podcast, The One You Feed. Can you share with our listeners where that came from because it’s one of my favorite stories?

Eric Zimmer: Sure. It’s an old parable. Nobody really knows where it comes from. Some people insist it’s an old Cherokee story, other people insist it’s not a Cherokee story, so I don’t I have not been able to find anybody who really can prove one way or the other. But yeah it’s an old parable and in the parable, there’s a grandfather who’s talking with his grandson. He says, in life there are two wolves inside of us that are always a battle. One is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and bravery and love, and the other’s a bad wolf, which represents things like greed and hatred and fear. And the grandson stops and he thinks about it for a second. He looks up at his grandfather and says, Grandfather< which one wins? And the grandfather says, the one you feed.

Vincent M. Wales: That’s beautiful.

Eric Zimmer: So that’s the parable. And I use it to kick off every episode. I just you know I start off by asking my guests kind of what that parable means to them in their lives and in the work that they do.

Vincent M. Wales: I love that. Awesome.

Gabe Howard: And of course, you’re from Columbus, Ohio, which is awesome because I’m from Columbus, Ohio and usually we’re interviewing people from all over the country and not in my back door. But what’s really cool is many years ago, you had the band Watershed on your podcast and I love the band Watershed. And besides people who know me or who are from Columbus, they’ve never heard of them, so from one watershed fan to the other, it’s great talking to you.

Eric Zimmer: Yep. A local Columbus band that was great and still is when they play sometimes.

Gabe Howard: Yeah they don’t play a lot because they got old and had kids.

Eric Zimmer: Yup, yup, yup.

Gabe Howard: You know, when you say serial entrepreneur, you know I’m very interested in that because you know most people say, I’ve started a business or I’m an entrepreneur, but you say serial entrepreneur because, well you’ve started a lot of businesses. Can you explain what serial entrepreneur means to you?

Vincent M. Wales: It means he can make cereal.

Eric Zimmer: Exactly, yes. You know, off-brand Frosted Flakes and Cocoa Puffs and… No, I think by serial, it just means that yeah it’s I’ve been in one sort of startup business after the other for most of my career. So that’s where most of my career has been spent is in, you know very small startup companies that are very entrepreneurial by the nature of them being pretty new and small, although some of them got big, but they started small.

Gabe Howard: And that sort of… you like to do this. I mean that’s like the crux of your career. You like to take small things and help start them, make them bigger, you like to turn ideas into substance. This is what being a behavior coach is. I mean, actually explain that better because I’m just butchering it to hell.

Eric Zimmer: Well I do love, I do love the early stages of a company. You know I love sort of yeah like you said, they’re building something, taking an idea getting it out there. And I love that really, in early stage companies, you do a little bit of everything. So your job description is very broad and very wide. And so that’s always suited me well. I do a fair number of things pretty well. And so that always suited me. And so yeah, I would do one and then the company would get about to the size where it started needing specialization, where it was more operational than it was you know building, and then you know for both the company and me it wasn’t usually the best fit at that point and it would be better for me to go on and do something.

Vincent M. Wales: So, Eric, I understand that you had in your in your history some issues with alcohol and other substances could you talk about that for a bit?

Eric Zimmer: Sure. At the age of 24, I was essentially a homeless heroin addict. I was really sick. I had hepatitis C, I weighed about 100 pounds. I had a lot of potential jail time staring me in the face. And so, at the age of 24, I got sober, recovered from heroin. I stayed sober about eight years and then I drank again for a few years and now I’ve been back sober again for about 13 years, so I’ve got sort of two distinct stories of getting sober.

Gabe Howard: And you also struggled with depression, if I’m not mistaken.

Eric Zimmer: Yeah. And you know I never know whether to say I still struggle with it or not. I don’t really know. It is not the prominent factor of my life like it was for a long time. But you know it’s still sort of there. I think I manage it way way better than I did and it’s far less of a heavy thing in my life. But I think it’s still something that I work with. It’s a feature of my inner landscape.

Gabe Howard: This is a constant discussion in mental health circles. You know I live with bipolar disorder and I say I’m in recovery from bipolar disorder, but I still have bipolar disorder, I still have to manage it. I still spend some part of my day worried about it. So am I in recovery with? Am I in from? Some people are like well there’s no cure or so recovery is the wrong word.

Eric Zimmer: Yeah.

Gabe Howard: It is a difficult thing to try to manage because you don’t want to wander around and tell everybody that you’re depressed because then people might try to render care or aid and you’re just trying to live your life. But by the same token you don’t want to tell people that you’re fine because this is something that you… it’s impacted your life in many ways.

Eric Zimmer: Yeah you know I think for me with the show, you know I’m talking about these kind of topics all the time and I’m pretty open about it on the show and in other shows I go on to just because there’s lots of people out there that also struggle with it and and wrestle with it. And yeah I agree with you. I don’t know, like I said, I don’t know whether it’s am I recovered, am I in recovery, is it gone? And what’s remainder is sort of a natural melancholy temperament. I don’t know any of those answers. But I do know that the things that I’ve done to treat depression, most of them are things that I continue to do today, because they seem to keep depression at bay and they’re just kind of all around good for my mood state.

Gabe Howard: It is a common discussion that people have. Where does mental illness end and my personality begin? When is it a mental health issue versus a mental illness? When is it just an emotion? When is it… you know it’s why podcasts like ours can really exist, because there’s a lot of discussion and varying opinions on the subject. So thank you for lending your voice to the landscape. It’s very much important.

Eric Zimmer: You’re welcome.

Vincent M. Wales: So now Eric, how did your history with alcohol and drugs… how did that lead to what you do today? How did it impact your life and what was the process there?

Eric Zimmer: So like I said originally, I got sober at 24, stayed sober about eight years, got sober again, and I think that in my case, recovery from addiction and alcoholism took sort of a wholesale change in the way I viewed the world and how I moved in it. And it made me take my internal state much more seriously and really pay attention to what’s happening there and then also you know look at how am I interacting with others and connecting with others. And so I’ve kind of always had that. And that drove an interest in me in all things mental health related, spirituality related. And so that was kind of always there. And then about five years ago, five and a half years ago at this point, I had a solar energy company that I eventually just decided I didn’t… I was going to shut it down. And so I shut it down and I was doing some consulting work and I was just kind of bored. You know I didn’t really have like a thing that was, that I was really into and passionate about and love. And so the idea to do this podcast just kind of hit me. And it’s turned out to be wonderful. I started it for a couple reasons. Like I said, I started it because I was bored. I also started it because what I realized was that my mind, when it’s left to its own devices, heads towards less than optimal places. And so I wanted to sort of feed the good wolf in my own life. And I thought you know what if I interview people every week and then I read their book to prepare for the interview like I’ll be immersed in and swimming in these ideas, these concepts,these topics, and it’ll help me just overall do better. And that turned out to be totally true. And my best friend was an audio engineer and I thought that by doing it I get to spend more time with him, which turned out to be very true.

Vincent M. Wales: Well that’s convenient.

Gabe Howard: That is really cool. And you know it’s not unlike it’s not unlike the story of the Psych Central Show. On our hundredth episode, we sort of talked about how this show came to be and there’s a lot of similarities there. I ran my mouth. Next thing you know I thought hey I can spend more time with my good friend, which is Vin. And here we are. And we’re glad that we did because we definitely need to stay out of trouble for sure.

Eric Zimmer: I agree. I understand that that motivation.

Gabe Howard: We’re going to step away for 30 seconds to hear from our sponsor. We’ll be right back.

Narrator 2: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com, secure, convenient and affordable online counselling. All counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face-to-face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counselling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Vincent M. Wales: Welcome back everyone. We’re here with Eric Zimmer talking about making lasting change in our lives. So Eric, tell us about how this became your coaching work. You say it’s a behavior coach. Is that correct?

Eric Zimmer: Yeah, you know it started a couple years into the podcast and I started having listeners ask me if I ever did any one-on-one work with people. And I originally you know I initially said no I don’t. You know it’s not really something I’ve done. But I kept getting people asking me and I thought you know what? Let me give this a try. Let me see what it’s like to coach people. And you know about partway through the first call, it hit me that I had done this hundreds of times in recovery by being the sponsor to people. You know I had done that over and over and over and so I really realized it was something that I really felt like I knew how to do. And by behavior coach, what I generally mean by that is that it’s very difficult to… We all know you can’t just change your emotion, you can’t just grab your emotion and move it where you want it to be. And we can certainly work with thoughts, but some thoughts are what they are. But the thing that we seem to have the most control over is our behavior. You know there’s an old line I heard early in my recovery time, which is, sometimes you can’t think your way into right action. You’ve got to act your way in the right thinking. And so I would say that that line sort of underlies the whole idea of behavior coaching, that there are behaviors that we can do. There are activities that we can do that move us in the direction of our goals and our dreams. And also, there are behaviors and actions we can do that help our emotional and mental states of mind also. So that’s really where I focus is on what what behaviors are we going to change and how do we change them? I think we all have some idea like, well you know what? I know exercise is good for my mental and emotional health and I hear that eating right is good and meditation might be good. But a lot of us struggle to make any kind of lasting change with those things or to really stick with them. So that’s a lot of what I focus on with people is how do you make the change in your life you want to make? From things like I just described exercise or eating right to people who are trying to finish a dissertation or I’ve helped people finish novels or people who are trying to start businesses. If there’s a behavior, if there’s something you want to change, that’s kind of what I think I’m an expert at.

Vincent M. Wales: Now a lot of us have experience with making changes, but just not being able to keep at it. You know this is… we’re recording this in late January so recently it was all, you know, New Year’s resolution times, right? People are going to make their insistence on eating better and exercising and yet, come March, they’re not doing it. So what is a way that we can make the change going over the long term?

Eric Zimmer: So one of the things that happens to a lot of us is we we have this narrative in our head that says you know what? I’m the kind of person that just can’t stick with anything or I’m the kind of person who can never finish anything. So we start to make a change and it’s going along well. And then like I mentioned something knocks this off track, our kids get sick, our dog needs to go to the vet, we get sick, and then all of a sudden that voice in our head starts to say again to us, see? I knew you couldn’t stick with it, I knew you wouldn’t stick with it. And then that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. So a lot of it is about really learning how to get back on track quickly. Some of it is learning how to adjust as your life changes. So you might have a routine that’s going really well, but you start traveling for work. So how do you keep the routine going while you travel for work, or you enter a busy season at work or it’s summer and the kids are out of school. It’s about being able to sort of adjust to what you’re doing, how much you’re doing, when you’re doing it, how you’re doing it. All of that to kind of adjust as life changes, because the same routine usually won’t work for people forever and ever and ever. It needs to be adjustable. But what happens is that when life starts to move around in ways we don’t expect, we get off track and we tend to give up. So that’s one really big one is to just get back on track as soon as possible. There’s another one that’s really important that I sort of call… the analogy I make is like don’t kill the plant, right? So if you think of your habit as like a plant, there are times that when you’re at home you can water the plant and you can take good care of it and you talk to it if that’s your thing, right? But then inevitably something happens. You go out of town for a week. When you go out of town for a week, all you’re really after you might ask your mom to come by and water the plant once a week. You just don’t want to kill the plant. And sometimes habits are this way. If you get a really busy week, what we want to do is not kill the habit. So if your routine is to go the gym every day for an hour, but the week just is really really busy, you’re better off to go to the gym every day for 10 minutes. You know reduce the scope, stick to the schedule is what well-known habits person says, because that keeps the habit alive. And that’s really the key is how do you just keep the habit alive so that when circumstances are better you can kind of get back to the full version of the habit? So those are just some of the ways to get through when things change a lot and how to really make a habit stick long term.

Gabe Howard: I really like all of that. I can relate to a lot of it even in my own life and in my own recovery and you know from personal goals to business goals, that all resonates and makes a lot of sense. So I’m about to throw a wrench in it and ask what happens when somebody like me gets off track? Because I know I’m going to get off track. So what are the strategies to get back on track?

Eric Zimmer: I think that the most important is just to almost expect that that’s going to happen. Right? Because if you expect that getting off track is part of the process, if you recognize that that’s going to happen to most everybody at some point or other, then it’s a lot easier to get back on track because you don’t assign a whole lot of moral judgment to it. You don’t think it says something about you. You don’t do what I said just a minute ago, which is you start telling yourself, see I knew I couldn’t do it. You just know like, oh yeah that happens sometimes. I’m going to get back on. The other thing you can do that can be really helpful is if you get off track, is it’s often important to start the habit smaller than it was. So let’s take exercise as an example. Maybe you’re used to exercising for an hour a day, right? And you get off track for a couple of weeks or you get off track even for a month. A lot of times we try and pick right back up where we were and often that is too difficult. And so a lot of times what can be helpful is to start doing something that’s a little bit easier. A smaller version of it and build up to it. And that’s often one of the key ways to start a good habit is start smaller than you think you need to do. Find something that you could do every day and succeed at to build a habit. And so the same thing can happen if you get off track. Often it’s helpful to sort of step back a little bit. So I like to meditate you know 20 to 40 minutes a day, but there have been some times over the last couple of years where I’ll get off track and I’ll miss some days of meditation and what I’ll find is that all of a sudden jumping back up to 40 minutes feels like a lot. So I’ll give myself permission to start back over at 10 minutes a day and build my way back up. So that can be a way to get back on track when it feels really hard to get started again.

Vincent M. Wales: So what if you’ve been off track for say, I dunno, 20 years? How small can I start?

Eric Zimmer: [laughs] Joking aside, as absolutely small as you need to. So let’s… I’ll use meditation again, right? I have been an on again off again meditator since I was 18 years old. That was a long time ago, right? And so I would try and meditate for 30 minutes a day. I pick up a book and it’d say you should meditate for 30 minutes a day. So I would try and meditate for 30 minutes a day. And in my particular case, sitting down to meditate is kind of like inviting the circus to come to town and 30 minutes was too long. It was too hard. So I would manage to gut it out for a few days or a few weeks, but eventually I would stop. And so finally about five years ago, I decided that I was going to meditate for three minutes a day, but I was going to do it every single day. That was the tradeoff. I’m not going to try and do 30 minutes; I’m going to do three, but I’m going to do it every day. And from there, I was able to build to four to five… you know finally up to 20, 30, 40 minutes by slowly slowly building up, but in the beginning you look at three minutes you go, that’s ridiculous. Nobody is going to get any benefit out of three minutes of meditation or you know if you’re trying to get in good shape you know say, well I’m not going to get any benefit out of taking a walk around the block. But what you’re doing is you’re building the habit, you’re beginning to put that structure in place you’re beginning to feel better about yourself and you’re beginning to build some momentum. So seriously, no amount is too small. When I work with a client, if they’re struggling, like if we if we try and build a habit and it’s not taking, we will just keep trying a smaller and smaller amount until they are able to do it. Consistently and frequently. And then we’ll build from there. If we go too far, too fast, it’s often difficult to do. And there’s a really good reason for all this. There’s actual a behavioral model out there that a Stanford professor B.J. Fogg developed, and I’m not going to go into it, but it lays it out in sort of a graphic where you can see very clearly why that principle works.

Gabe Howard: Eric, I like that you use conventional wisdom, facts, and just support in order to help people get to where they’re going. You know, so many people want to focus you know just on the goal or just on the science or just on the hugging and while all of those things are important, they often you know, we kind of need to put them all together. I mean I need somebody to tell me what to do just as much as I need somebody to tell me how I can do it when it comes to certain things in our lives and I think that’s one of the things that has made you a successful coach and no doubt why people listen to your podcast.

Eric Zimmer: Yeah I think you’re absolutely right. I love when I start to see modern science back up something that comes from you know more of an ancient tradition and you sort of see both those things agreeing. I always feel like that’s like… I like that because it’s so he gives me reinforcement from two sources. And I also agree with you, I think that all of us are told over and over and over and over what we need to do, but a lot of the problem is in actually doing it.

Vincent M. Wales: Yes indeed.

Gabe Howard: Hear hear. So Eric, please plug your podcast one more time. I am assuming that it can be found on every single podcast player imaginable, but does it have a web site?

Eric Zimmer: It does. The podcast is called The One You Feed. So like you said, search any podcast player or oneyoufeed.net.

Vincent M. Wales: Eric, thanks for being on the show. This was very informative and we really appreciate you taking the time to be with us.

Eric Zimmer: Thank you so much for having me on. I really enjoy talking with both of you.

Gabe Howard: You’re very welcome and Vin, I think I know what you might be getting for your birthday. Eric sells gift certificates.

Vincent M. Wales: Ahhhh…

Gabe Howard: Thank you Eric for being here and thank you everyone for tuning in. And remember you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private, online counselling anytime, anywhere by visiting betterhelp.com/psychcentral. We’ll see everybody next week.

Narrator 1: Thank you for listening to the Psych Central Show. Please rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes or wherever you found this podcast. We encourage you to share our show on social media and with friends and family. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/show. PsychCentral.com is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website. Psych Central is overseen by Dr. John Grohol, a mental health expert and one of the pioneering leaders in online mental health. Our host, Gabe Howard, is an award-winning writer and speaker who travels nationally. You can find more information on Gabe at GabeHoward.com. Our co-host, Vincent M. Wales, is a trained suicide prevention crisis counselor and author of several award-winning speculative fiction novels. You can learn more about Vincent at VincentMWales.com. If you have feedback about the show, please email [email protected].

About The Psych Central Show Podcast Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar and anxiety disorders. He is also one of the co-hosts of the popular show, A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. As a speaker, he travels nationally and is available to make your event stand out. To work with Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

Vincent M. Wales is a former suicide prevention counselor who lives with persistent depressive disorder. He is also the author of several award-winning novels and creator of the costumed hero, Dynamistress. Visit his websites at www.vincentmwales.com and www.dynamistress.com.

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