#oh yeah i am also trying to work on things with my bf i thought it was over but it wasn't we were just close to ending it :///

[dwsepgu]

.

[secriden]

an introduction to daouoffroad: a record (mostly for me)

so, the lovely @luthienmpl was very kind and gave me a daouoffroad starter pack so i'm gonna learn about them!

i adore finding out about something this way because it's like someone shared their love of The Thing with me! how lovely! how lucky to catch a glimpse of how much joy The Thing gives someone else!!

this is literally just random stream of consciousness thoughts as i watch the videos so i'll spare anyone who isn't interested and put it under a cut.

oh my god they met as contestants on a survival boyband show wtf!? what kind of fanfic kdrama au start is this already!?

ok damn but daou's runs tho :O <3

nooooooo offroad is crying and thanking daou for his support how dARE YOU TOY WITH MY HEART LIKE THIS!? ;A;

ohmygosh is that the actress who plays P'Joy in LITA??? <3

fuck, the pressing the face into the tummy of the one standing thing. why is that so cute. ugh D:<

waitwaitWAIT is that a thing? do directors just... write stories/shows for couples who have good chemistry whatttt?? is this like a thai ent industry staple? (oh i guess mame kind of did that with fortpeat/mutrak) that's so funny omg. xDDD

laz1 is so kpop styled :O and i must add Last Kiss to my playlist imMEDIATELY its such a pretty song?? <3333

thiS BRIDGE i AM FEELING IT!?!?! DAOU WHAT IS THAT RIFF!?!??! HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SUCH A SMOOTH TRANSITION UP TO THE HIGH NOTE!? *O* <3

(was daou already an established singer before or something?? boy has pIPES!)

*faintly* d-did he try to... bite... the cat's... paw??

/SCREAMS nO THE HARMONIES yeah ok i'm a fan weLP THA TWAS QUICK

(i'm such a sucker for vocal line groups ugh dammit TwT)

wait, enlistment?? huh i did not know thailand also did that... is it the same as skorea?

oh-- oh my god he sent flowers? through his sister?? *whispers* that's so sweet ;u;

goodness, offroad literally running and jumping into daou's arms while daou is still in military fatigues-- guys this is either zero attempt at being subtle or the best cp marketing i've seen in my life wow

awww did offroad bring his graduation gown to the event just so he could get pics with daou?? that's so cute! ;A;

okAY SIR?? SIR NO the sleeping right pressed up to offroad as he pretends to snore but like daou is just paSSED OUT HALF ON TOP OF HIm NO SIR NO I CANNOT HANDLE THIS NOPE BYE

(the cut right as daou reaches up to shut offroad up had me cracking up tho, they've got a wicked sense of humour i really like them)

ahahahah the members playing along is really cute!! poor daou has to be relegated to the "jealous bf" -- this is SO interesting to watch coming out of old kpop fandom and kpop skinship to this xD like... i am enLIGHTEND *O*

*cries* what is this... poolside actual love confession proposal with rings and pLANNING to commemorate their.. working.. relationship!?!? i'm??? they are so LOUD wtf-- i'm not... used to this... !?! *incoherent noises*

sidebar: i'm struggling to get a handle on their honorifics... are they phi/nong? but sometimes dauo sounds like he's using mueng/guu when he addresses offroad directly?

ljsdfjsLfj THE FACE. IN THE TUMMY. ITS BACK <3

OH FUCK OFFROAD WITH THE ASH HAIR. *O* YEAH YEAH OKOKOK i'M NORMAL ABOUT THIS!!!!

oh oh NO did daou just push offroad to the inside of the road so he's on the outside like that's--t hat's so boyfriend coded wtf

bahahaHAHAH is offroad going on about the bracelet because now daou *has* to buy one for him? xD what a smart cookie. xDDD

wAIT DID IT WORK!? PAHAHA--

other thoughts:

pentor looks SO FAMILIAR and i can't figure out why??? ;A; is he in something else?? i'm so confused but i think i love him already WHAT AN ADORABLE DIMPLED BOI *O*

i know you included the Whats The Matter? MV but I'm sorry I'm going to live in Last Kiss for like the next 5 days especially thAT BRIDGE WTF <3

the acoustic/live version is so PRETTY omg ;A; that 3 part harmony in the first chorus *chefs kiss*

sOMEONE is doing like a really high harmony in the pre-chorus and its so thin and wispy and pRETTY ahhh <3

although also ngl i think daou needs maybe some more vocal training he sounds quite strained sometimes... and he's got a lot of tension in his throat but good GOD his range!! he's SO talented wtf; ALSO their youngest member has SUCH a nice tone UGH <33333

their 2 shows:

ok love in translation actually sounds like exactly my cup of tea hahahah it looks so cute <3 and potentially heartbreaking but like not TOO heartbreaking

century of love... yeah ok i'm gonna put that on my list of things to get to when i'm in the right headspace for that kind of angst but what an interesting concept!! its like comphet, the series. xD

wait both their shows are comphet the series? xDDDD they just swapped who was suffering from it.

hoboy they are SO LOUD already from the beginning wtf

(sidenote but I would KILL for fortpeat to go on something like this cAN YOU IMAGINE the sHINANIGANS!! peat being so happy at all the food. fort's teasing. ugh. where can i start a petition ya'll)

the heIGHT DIFFERENCE am i'm feeling some type of way about it, yes yes i am

bAHAHAH the mandatory piggyback ride that they actually just SAY is boyfriend material i'm-- i'm not use do this lack of wink wink nudge nudge skinship approach in my boyband duos like?? *confused noises pt 2*

oh oh my gosh they have auntie fans too??? how adorableeeee!!!?! damn offroad sounds so soft in southern dialect idk whats going on my ears are blessed *u* <3

I don't know why but daou's "Try traditional snack!" made me crack up xDDDD

i have just realised what a mistake it was to start this on an empty stomach T___T that all looks SO GOOD wtf

lol that poor lady with the corgi's just wanted to go on her way and she got way-landed by these insane boys xDD

wft the nUZZING INTO THE NECK THING. IT S STILL. SO MUCH. IHAVE FEELIGNS ABOUT THIS MOMENT Tu T <3

guYS-- GUYS you said you both paid half... so you don't... you don't still need to do the cheek kisse-- oh nevermind you did them already ok then

i mean ok but for real tho the amount of times offroad just cracks up at somethign random daou does is genuinely really sweet?? like they seem to really have this wavelength that is just their own *u*

[silentstyx]

"Three Lectures Behind and There's This Guy" ~ Lip Gallagher x Reader

tw! sexual references (it's shameless dawg...)

sum! "We got assigned as dorm roommates and I had such a crush on you last year and you don't even know who I am." (i lit found this on the ai fanfic trope so it'll be a little diff)

i rly wanted to write for my mans (do NOT tell my bf abt this one guys 😖) I'm js taking a break from only writing mbav for a sec ☝️🤓

Oh my god. This man. He was so hot. And rumor's say he's good in bed too?! You were freaking out just as much when you found out he was going to be your sorority house boy.

You saw him cooking one day and went absolutely feral. He was also the bartender at parties. Pouring drinks into peoples mouth straight from the bottles...

You noticed he wasn't there the next day after one of the parties. Or the day after that. Or the day after that? Then, never again. You later heard that he gotten kicked out of college. You never exactly found out why, there were rumors of course. Except, you never found out the exact reason.

Well you saw him when visiting Chicago, you were looking for cheap restaurants online nearby and patsy's diner was the first thing online. Only about a mile and a half away. You walk over there with some friends you were with, when you finally got there you saw the boy from your sorority house sitting at a table with a bunch of older looking guys.

Your whole friend group recognized him immediately and started freaking about how to ask him out. You rolled your eyes, tired of their banter. But also internally jealous of them potentially dating the guy you've had your eye on for practically forever.

You get sat at a table with everyone, you had the best angle of him from where you were sitting. Although you weren't going to stare at him the whole time. You all ordered the drinks you want, while you were searching the menu you saw that Lip got up. Our whole table complained, jokingly, but you saw he went in the kitchen.

I guess he works there?

The waitress came back and took your orders as well as your menus. A little while later, after your food came back, you got a sudden urge of confidence. You decided to finally talk to him.

You go up to the bar and ask to talk to Lip. The woman goes into the back to talk to him, as well as grabbing orders while she's back. He comes out, looking for a girl that would be looking for him that looks familiar.

"Uh, Lip?" You say, grabbing his attention. His brows furrowed but he has a smirk.

"You're that uh chick from college? In the sorority house?" He said, skeptically. Almost as if he wasn't completely sure.

"Yeah, you were our house boy. Uhm, i recognized you sitting at the table and I wanted to say hi." You try to explain.

He just nods his head with a small, interested, smile on his face.

"Okay, so I have a confession. When you got put in our house I had such a crush on you and you don't even know my name." You said, somewhat embarrassed.

He looks down, smirking, then looking right back up at you. Whispering back, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a few late night thoughts about you. But, uh, your name's *y/n* isn't it?"

You nod, smiling, "yep, thats me. So you're working here now?"

He licks his bottom lip, "Yeah, dishwasher. Sister is the manager, she's in charge of everyone."

You nod, showing him that you understand.

"So you wanna hang out sometime?" You ask him.

He looks at you, his devilish smile, "hang out or... go out?"

"Both?" your tone sounds more like a question now.

He snickers, agreeing to go out. You give him your phone and he puts his number in it. He then explains that he's gotta get back to work, you nod telling him you have to get to your table.

You go back to your table, they saw everything that had just happened. As soon as you sat down you were bombarded with questions. Some you answered, some you didn't. Except now, you don't have to worry about them getting the guy you want.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Hello again from the crunchy fishstick! Based on your latest tapas comic update, guess you had a fun Halloween ^^ "sexually anorexic" sounds both confusing and funny lols

I dressed up for the day myself...went out as "a maid from the 23rd century" and got a few compliments--but it wasn't until after I already got home and changed out of it that I realized maids are apparently not just a fun cosplay choice but also something sexualish?? :') oh, the woes of accidentally doing something that might be seen that way to others without realizing it.....I sincerely hope nobody who saw me thought anything sexual (I just liked wearing a skirt and being cute for onceeee)

I've been "out" as aroflux/arospec to some (online) friends already and thankfully I didn't find out any of them were aphobes. (yay!) A few didn't really get it even after my short explanation but oh well--kinda tough with non-queers sometimes but they're cool otherwise. Got the "so like a plant?" reply as a joke lol. One friend, one of my closest, had a hard time understanding how I could be an arospec and dating my bf so that was...something. Didn't get it when I was like "I just fluxxed into a demi phase" but eh. At least no one's an aphobe and no one laughed at me (with intent to make fun of me) for it!

The "you just haven't met the right person yet" hits hard though ngl...recently I tried to lightly hint and bring up that I'm arospec to my mom cause...yeah, I'm kinda tired of "be careful about dating" "don't start liking boys too early" and stuff like that. So to simplify it, I was like "I feel like I'm probably on the aro spectrum, a spectrum of people who just don't do romance like how lesbians don't like guys or gay guys don't like girls" (disclaimer: some things have to be REALLY simplified to boomer-minded people, sorry if that offends anyone or seems to exclude them or anything, it was just the best way I could think of to shorten it) and she thought for a moment before telling me "you just haven't met the right person yet".

I mean fair, I am still young and full of vinegar but still...I mean I did see it coming from her but I still said it (didn't really reply on that topic after though). Oh, to be pulled through a laundry machine of thoughts and having to wonder if you're really a legit aro or if you jinxed yourself again (there's a history...fun stories). Maybe eventually I'll reach the stage where I'll confidently think "yep, I'm arospec" on a regular basis like I did about my bisexuality...maybe it just takes time... Rough being a wishy-washy and indecisive sort of person who doesn't have the lines fully clear :sob:

If I want to be arospec and I feel like I identify with it (even if I get a little dysphoria of sorts sometimes), then that's enough to call myself one, right? Maybe that applies to more queer identities too...

Idk I'm just prattling on again sry, in between a few bad days and there's a sort of comfort in typing it all out anonymously like this... Thanks for existing mate, and uhhh the crunchy fish stick is signing off for now!

fjigkdf Sorry I'm replying sooooo late after Halloween TwT To be fair, the comic I shared on Webtoon/Tapas that day was from a previous Halloween, but watching horror movies around that time of the year with my partner is something we do every year, just from a distance, it's par for the course

I sympathize tho TwT I'm still puzzled to this day as to why a professional uniform was turned into something so sexualizable, I can try to reason it in my head as playing with taboos or power and maybe that's sexually exciting for people somehow but I have no idea how that reasoning works since I'm very much clueless about anything sex-related so... Yeah. It's an odd one to me for sure. Always will be I guess.

I'm really glad coming out to people has been a good experience for you overall!! That's honestly so fortunate when that happens TwT And I'm glad any potentially hurtful comment that some of us typically get was only shared as a joke, from a place of not understanding but willingness to understand, or with the exception of your mom, from what I get.

To be honest, it's a sad thing to accept, but I think sadly it's possible some people may expect you to eventually be "fixed" forever, even if you yourself know for a fact you'll never change and will repeat it endlessly. I'm out to all of my close family, living grandparents and parents' relatives, and I'm pretty sure at least one of them expect it to be that way still. I don't do much about it, since as hurtful as it can be, it's just some hopes they're projecting on me without seeing the real me, and yeah, it's kinda painful, but they can't control me with those hopes. Heck, I was mentally prepared for my parents to be like that with me. I'm incredibly fortunate that they're not and they accept me for what I am now (although somehow I think getting a queerplatonic partner really helped in the matter, the idea is probably much less scary to them than me not having a partner in any way, shape or form for some reason). But... Yeah. In my younger years it wasn't really shaping up like my parents would accept my orientation, and they are now, so there can still be hope. Whatever happens to you, I wish you the best either way.

And... YES, if you feel an orientation defines you well, then it IS enough to call yourself one. I only have my experience to go by but I feel it's extra hard for orientations like ours where they're so often stigmatised, invisibilised, perceived as a "phase" etc etc. What we may not get in demonization and hate, we get in being treated like something that doesn't exist at all. And that's tough for the confidence to affirm yourself in that orientation. But yes. If you feel it defines you, if you feel it describes who you are, then it IS enough to be right. Nobody has the right to make that ultimate call for you, but yourself.

...Welp, at least that's how I feel about it. As always I wish you the best moving forward, thank you for checking in, and sorry again for the late reply! TwT

[moodymisty]

no fear response, and more that it’s been turned nearly all of the way down.

I headcanon that it’s a similar situation with their feelings of romance or sex. That it’s not completely gone, but that it’s nullified just enough for them, under the right circumstances (a.k.a never truly interacting with baseline humans), to not feel those feelings ever. Because you can’t have your killing machines questioning their loyalty and running off with some mortal, right?

So I this brings me to the thought that a space marine can feel romantic or sexual feelings, it’s just that it’s probably got to be under some very specific circumstances. And that most of them would have no idea what to do when they get a crush on someone. Yes they’re grown adults but new emotion?? New emotion that is affection??? Affection that isn’t platonic or familial?!! Confusion!!!!

Cue a bunch of different reactions to this. Ranging from trying to impress their object of affection by showing off how well they can fight (“Check out how strong I am!” “Well yeah, you’re a space marine.” “Oh… right.”), to deciding to avoid them completely, or being weirdly obsessive/possessive of them because they never want to lose the person that made them feel this way, or getting angry at the baseline human for distracting them from their duties (even though they probably didn’t even realise the space marine had feelings for them), perhaps even deciding to do what they do best and bringing their human trophies of the enemies/heretics/xenos they killed like some kind of giant catboy.

Space marine: 7 years ago I had a crush on a serf in my chapter and I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I wrote her a letter that just said “leave this place immediately”

(first part of the ask because dumblr cut it off)

Putting this ask on my fridge because you understood the fucking assignment.

Astartes start their transformation at around 10-13, so basically their entire formative years are taken away from them. How are you expected to know what a crush is or love or really any complex emotion if you’re too busy having a bakers dozen of extra organs shoved in you and running through the Tunnel of Terror?

'Yeah I didn't have a girlfriend I was too busy getting acid spit'

I imagine that having to deal with an Astartes who's figuring out how an entire array of emotions work is going to be, a handful. He ends up knocking someones lights out while sparring just to show off, or you end up with the hide of an entire Tyranid Warrior. What do you say to that? Thanks? Them being hyper vigilant of you being around other Astartes, almost obsessively. Also all this depends heavily on the chapter. It would probably be much easier with a White Scar, Lamenter( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), Ultramarine, or Blood Angel( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) than an Imperial Fist, World Eater, or Black Templar (I love my wall husbands but their heads are filled with concrete).

[PENDING COMFIRMATION LOL] And, some of this is actually canon! In a book, a space Marine thinks about how weird he feels when looking at an attractive young woman who’s a refugee they saved. I KNOW this is a thing but I cannot remember the source so I’m going to try and find it. I believe he was a blood angel. If I can't find it please take all this with a grain of salt.

And anyone who manages to land themself an Astartes BF pretty much got themself the himbo to end all himbos. Because while Astartes are super smart and have crazy fast reflexes, they’re fucking dumb as rocks in other regards. (Examples being any emotion that isn’t anger or respecting your superiors, stupid infighting between chapters, Talos Valcoran)

Also in the 41st millenium they’re pretty much mildly worshiped as 'angels', so you have a literal trophy husband. Congrats. Please keep him on a leash the guardsmen are very scared and he has no trigger discipline.

[princessfaerygia]

he fell asleep directly on top of me. It was pretty uncomfortable but I let him stay that way. His roommate eventually woke him up and asked him to return the u haul. Then bf z got real angry and said he hates his life again and was cussing. Now he's fast asleep again and I don't want to wake him cus he will start fussing. But we need to get this stuff done. I don't understand how he is so traumatized by life he cannot complete this doable task. After all he is a licensed mechanic and can complete work jobs on his own. Though he is so free spirited he won't work a 9-5 job , which is good I think. I feel bad for my father who's worked 7am-4pm jobs his whole life and still does at age 65. He gets to retire at age 67 but lord the man is disabled physically and even simply driving a car causes him pain.

Z will be mad at me if I don't wake him but I really don't want to hear his angry verbage or be targeted.

Yesterday he told me I'm just like Maggie his ex because I didn't want to listen wasn't adept at listening/paying attention to him talk about his boogers. He talks a lot. A lot of stuff I'm not interested in at all. And I sorta just do my own thing and say "mhm" and "yeah". I noticed his roommate does the same. But we each do actually pay attention and lovingly listen to him 65% the time. I'm just seriously not interested in cars, or gang violence, or bows and arrows, even video games sometimes. He wants someone to bounce his thoughts off of and receive positive feedback and I do try to do this often. But I also space out a lot or busy on Tumblr or texting alix or mom or even dad.

He says I don't love him because of that. He is a child I swear.

It really hurts that he says I'm like Maggie because she *supposedly* never showed him physical affection. I mother and baby him as much as I can physically. I give him lots of romance too just sexually I am not up to par.

He told me they were hardly ever in the same room together but one time she visited us and she talked about their good times sitting in the outdoor closet together just fluffin around. She is a likable person and calls me sweetie. She seems to have a kind heart though she is also gangster and you know , um, not perfectly trustworthy. But I kinda love her as a friend. Her hand is extremely hurt injured and once I peeked at it and accidentally said "oh my baby!" Cus I wasn't aware it was so gruesome. She is getting it amputated at some point in future.

Z's first cat was apparently named maggie. It's weird cus my ex Andrews band was called the little big bangs and all his band members were/are obsessed with the Simpsons. I am not I hate that show lol. But anyhoo the baby is named Maggie.

It's jus funny to me that I accidently called her my baby. It just burst out my mouth I have no filter at times.

My boyfriend says that the world doesn't revolve around me and that is quite a relief to hear. though I feel a strong sense of personal-ness towards it all.

He is still fast asleep and everytime I refrain from waking him he gets so freaking mad at me. But sir you are volatile and it's almost a relief when you're sleeping. Plus Lord knows he needs some sleep especially after "almost" committing suicide, in my opinion.

I mean I don't understand what the roommates rush is~ jus let the man sleep for a lil while. Inspection isn't until later anyhow. All there is to do is fold the blankets up and vacuum.

I jus ate newly discovered unsweetened vanilla silk yogurt thanks to a mutual who inspired me to buy it. It has a lot less sugar than the kind I've lately been consuming and I kinda love it. It also comes in bulky size so I don't need to shop for it daily. With the yogurt I dipped three bananas in. I know that's a lot but I eat a lot. My psychiatrist says that's just my personality. My boyfriend says I am a glutton. I'm sorry but it tastes good and I want to be full. Not bursting thru the brims full tho. I have eating disorder.

Later on I am going to make vegan chili.

[besidesitstoowarm]

"Vincent and the Doctor" thoughts

oh yeah. that hit different

this is the best episode of s5, imo, and one of the best episodes of the show. the museum scene alone at the end makes me cry every time, today was no exception. the plot is just that vincent van gogh saw the world's largest terror bird and then claimed to be pro life and died anyway so we're not getting into details there

i think it's extremely powerful that the creepy monster here was a merciless beast, utterly alone and abandoned, that vincent could see but no one else could. like talk about metaphors for severe mental illness. and then when they realized it wasn't angry, it was blind– it was scared, and he had killed it by mistake in self defense– well, there's this thing my therapist spent a lot of time working with me on, it's called "parts theory". basically every person is a collection of "parts" that all exist for some purpose, and every part is trying to help you, even if that's maladaptive. like, one of my parts we called the "stage manager", basically a panopticon prison guard, the part of me that feels compelled to micromanage everything about myself as if i am constantly on stage, constantly under scrutiny. the part exists in an attempt to control how i come off to other people, so i don't seem "too weird" or "accidentally very rude" or something. it drives a lot of disordered behavior but it's fundamentally protective

and vincent had an accidental, violent response to this scared thing lashing out, blind, alone. it had the capacity for great harm but was not actively malicious. and he could interact with it in a way that no one else could, and it was bloody and messy and painful. it felt so incredibly poignant. like how when the doctor was trying to coax him to go to the church and he was laying in bed crying, alone and afraid and cynical, lashing out. he was ostracized and othered by his mental illness, which made him desperately unhappy, which made him act in erratic ways that were offputting and sure to drive even the well-meaning away, perpetuating the cycle. it's really rich. i went to look up the writer to see if he'd written any other episodes of the show, and he hasn't, but he did write "love actually" so i owe him a debt i can never repay

this is cooking a little bit but i think it's interesting how the sunflowers amy fills the garden with are obviously real, while the sunflowers on the casket they pass on the way to the church look fake as fuck. the flowers in his real life, given to him as inspiration by someone who cares about him, are real and vibrant and complex, while the ones chosen by other people for other people are simple, flat, and look false. idk if they are fake but they look different and to me it's thematically resonant

a few things: i love how the actor playing van gogh is also scottish so he notes that amy has the same accent and asks if she is also from holland. when the doctor was waving his giant stick in the complete wrong direction, my bf said "this is what daemon was doing at harrenhal". i got to see almond blossoms my friend almond blossoms. amy saying she's not the marrying kind, yeowch. the actor crying in the museum fucking SOLDDDDD it he left no crumbs. it's of course devastating to know that they didn't change history and he still killed himself but i really love how they basically leave it at that, that his life was complex and that one miracle great weekend can't cure everything that was wrong with him but that they added to his pile of good things and that's not nothing. have you guys heard the theory that he didn't kill himself, he was shot by one of the boys in the village that bullied him and van gogh lied so the kid didn't get in trouble? i find it really compelling and i think i want it to be true bc it feels kinder somehow

next up we get a fun little bit of filler before shit pops off for real

[weirdcat1213]

Its time for the weekly horrors- I mean Trimax vol 3 >:3

The Thoughts:

chap 1:

-AH EVERYTHING IS FALLING

-bro you are about to get into a fight can you stop thinking about your bf for 5 minutes

-fr tho, vash's words making him hesitate/angry is so dcfgjhbkml

-why everyone wants my babygirl dead :c

-now now, comparing someone with their brother isnt a nice thing to do

-oh so now we're not even making an allegory, he actually called him jeesus

-also "your soul is forced to endure the sorrow by the hundreds, suffering by the thousands, and the rage by the hundreds of thousands" im gonna throw up cuz of how that GOOD and PAINFUL that shit is

-the polar opposite of being a human huh...i mean besides something i said weeks ago about how he's further away from humanity more than he would like that point is interesting cuz most of the time we call him someone who is more human than any other person. he carries more pain than any human could endure and definitely has more patience than anyone will ever have but...hm...i want to come back to this

-ww pls dont make me cry today pls honey

-oh im gonna cry

-"your ideals will join you in the grave" i fucking hate thats the reason why we all try to be better people, thanks to that fucking wet cat of a man i cannot deal actually

-MILLIE :D

chap 2:

-i dont have much to say about battles but let it be on the record that I'm enjoying ww's eyes sm

-oh page 38 is cool as hell

-OH SHIT IS THAT HIS FUCKING SPINE????

chap 3:

-ww stop having pretty eyes youre distracting

-meanwhile :3

-ah geesus the body horror (so good but creepy)

-EYES :D

-so many fucking details. nightow got down even the smallest scribbles, as 98 vash would say

-oh right that....thats still upsetting

-i fucking swear people need to leave my son alone

-also fucking hate that he had to SHOOT A BABY even if it was fake

-I FUCKING HATE THIS ACTUALLY

-i can feel his fucking mind breaking i cant do this

chap 4:

-"i cant do this" yet here i am lmao

-i think if vash held me like hes holding that girl a lot of my problems would be resolved ngl

-characters reciting names always get to me :c

-also HA EAT THE PTSD ASSHOLE

-"why are there so many" brad you may want to sit down for this one

-..................i deadass thought "oh the doctor is here" IVE READ THIS BEFORE AND I FELL FOR IT AGAIN

-vash with his hair down :3

-nah hes not gonna kill you BUT HE FUCKING SHOULD

-oh i will kill so many people (vash is bleeding)

-hm. this reminds me of something in houseki no kuni (i wont spoil but maybe ichikawa had trigun as inspo which would be cool af)

chap 5:

-oh im yeeting myself (ww thinks about the children) -ww gives in his anger and fear when punching those weirdass faces but I'm gonna say this once: that doesn't make him weaker or worst. i haven't seen anyone think that of ww, i just feel that when he compares himself to vash he feels that way and i cant stand it :)

-vash i fucking swear-

-oh god the fingers...the fucking fingers...

-oh you are NOT talking to my vash about pain and agony

-OH WAIT I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT PANEL OH GOD NO I HATE REREADS WTF

-XD my girls

no wait i need to get back to that. i thought that was emilio's dad not fucking vash himself oh my god I'm sick so sick actually wtfffffffffffff

chap 6:

-is this the chapter with the gays eyes cuz I'm not ready for that-

-oh fuck you nightow. fuck you for putting knives in the title page and the title being "families"

-i want to punch so many things but I'm at work. fuck

-also i forgot about this stampede parallel GOD WHEN DOES MY SUFFERING END

-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE GAY EYESSSSSSS

-yeah i agree this is literally the moment. like fuck. fuck actually. fuck what else is there to say.

-fuck

-like hes so fucking terrified that he was afraid for him, what his journey is causing ww, but even if he wanted ww to stay away and safe he knows ww would say fuck off, but also vash would not be able to take it

-THERES SO MUCH FEAR AND LOVE IN THOSE EYES IM GONNA BITE MY HAND

-OH I CANT ACTUALLY WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH WTF

-im so fucking upset cuz the last 3 chapters were basically fights. they were full of energy and shit but now that is over and they are in a rare moment of peace, and everything fucking hits.

-im gonna go outside and step into oncoming traffic

-YES LUIDA MY QUEEN SHUT HIM UP

-WOLFWOOD :D pls never leave me

-i....*implodes*

-i am nothing. i just remembered that.

-OH CMONNNNNN

chap 7

-maybe i dont want to read trimax anymore. maybe a little person like me isn't strong enough for a 2nd round of the pain. with that in mind, lets keep reading :D

-WHERES THE NIGHTOW PUNCHING BAG WHEN YOU NEED IT

-wolfwood what he is it doesnt matter i swear pls cant you just love him?

-:c

-i dont like vash being emotionally attached to stuff cuz that means i have to yell HES LIKE ME FR FR

-oh that....that beautiful panel...amazing

-i think my mind blocked this out because of the previous sad things that happened, so now my brain is allowing me to process more sad things :3

-"i still have so much i must do" and i see i still have many tears to cry out huh?

-ofc wolfwood would ask about redemption

-cant my man show an important part of his past and show vulnerability in front of his friends in peace? damn

-im gonna start bitting my glasses

-GAY MOMENT PART 2 INCOMING

-luida pls i want to stop crying

-oh wolfwood honey....you just fell so hard for my man didnt ya

-i just realized the chapter is called "life as a" and I THINK the idea is to complete it with "life as a 'vash the stampede'" cuz he's not human

OK GREAT NOW I CAN RUN TO THE WASHROOM AND FUCKING CRY :D

[kfairies]

temptation ; miguel o'hara smut

MIGUEL O’HARA + BLACK FEM READER | suggested, 15+ SUMMARY : you're in a relationship with your boyfriend, xavier riley, but after you bump into miguel while walking alone, things change. CONTAINS : dom!blackfemreader biting kink, suggestive (mentions of sex), slight (?) dirty talk and teasing, kissing, needy!miguel (whose also a flirt), tongue play , anal , etc. ================================= CAST :

y / n - black fem reader played by michiko malandro 27 - college graduate " im fucking 25, ive graduated college. i dont need a protector. this is los angeles, im not a fucking baby." =================================

xaiver riley - y/n original bf played by david kawena 26 - surfer " listen, i can't cook. that's my secret. now is there anything you need to fucking tell me, y/n?." =================================

miguel o'hara - y/n 's "friend" played by miguel ohara 30 - works at achlemax " come on... stop playing dumb with me amor." ================================

miguel o'hara - miguels friend" played by miles morales 17 - unknown occupation " oh. so thats your girlfriend?" ================================

tilla - y/n pet played by bruni

2 - professional at eating everything "boo!" ===================

nickie - y/n's mom played by eudora 52 - runs a resturant" you better not be having sexual intercourse in LA. now give me some love"

===================

"Mama!" I yelled from the kitchen. "Yes baby." she answered. "Im going out to the coffee shop to work I'll be home by 5:00pm." I replied. "Okay baby" she said. "Love you!" I exclaimed, walking out the door it was 9am, I was walking to my job. Once I got there, I put on my apron and started making a coffee for a customer. I worked for a few hours, serving customers, making coffee, and cleaning up. By 5:00pm I had finished my shift and was heading back home. I walked in the dark, the loud sounds of the city peirced my ears. The cars honking, crackheads yelling; everyday thing. I saw a large man walking towards be, although we were the same height, I wasn't intruiged and thought it was just a local, until he started following me. "Hey!" I exclaimed to scare him off. 'WHoa re you?" It was this man in a casual outfit, he ahd brown hair, and was buff, His hair would flow back into the wind, and he was fairly attractive. "What are you doing walking around at 6:00pm on a late night, in california" he said, his voice was soothing. "Nothing much." i said. He walked and contiued small talking, but I gave short answers; for all I knew, this person was a stranger. I asked him what he was doing as well, and he just shrugged and said he was out for a walk. We exchanged numbers, and he left. I watched him until he was out of sight, my heart racing the whole time. Out of guilt I took another man's number, I texted my boyfriend, Xavier. "baby! :)" i texted. delivered. Whatever, I greeted my mom and got into my bed, I started to fall asleep until this number that I had saved called me. "Hello/" I said, concerned on who was calling me. A familiar voice answered "Hello, its.. Miguel? The creepy buff one?" Something clicked in my brain, and I remembered the stranger from today. "Oh, hello" I said, I noticed my feet kicking up in the air and immideatly stopped. In my mind, I said; "What the hell am I doing? HELLOOOOOOO Y/N YOU HAVE A BOYFRIENDDD!" "Oh yeah, I have a boyfriend, Miguel." I said, and releif lifted my chest. "Mhm, whats his name?" He replied in his deep voice. "Xavier, so if you're trying to do anything you can forget about it." I snapped back. I was proud of myself. "Well.." His voiced was so soothing, I wanted to hang up, but I couldnt. "Y/n, I'll call you soon." he hung up but I was still daydreaming, then I snapped out of it. I put my pewt, Tilla into my bed and slept with her. My alarm clock struck 8:30. I walked to my job and tried to get my mind off things, just like other days, I put my apron on. I went to the kitchen and saw my colleagues chatting, but I felt a bit off. I tried to focus on my tasks, but I couldn't help but feel a bit empty. I took a deep breath and tried to push the thoughts away.After a while of hard work, the bell rung at my closing shift, all of my colleagues were gone, it was Miguel. "You again, I thought i told you I had a boyfrie-" "Shh" he said. "Bitch who do you think you are? You're not m father nor are you interupting me." "Shh" he said once again. This time, i stayed quiet because I wanted to heat the stupid shit he was gonna say. "Listen y/n, do you think I'm attractive?" "Fairly." I said. He grabbed my face and started pulling me closer. I tried to resist but I couldn't bring myself to it. He pushed my into the kitchen and closed the door behind him. He started kissing me, my lips, down my spine. +He grabbed my face and started pulling me closer. I tried to resist but I couldn't bring myself to do it, he was a great kisser. He pushed me into the kitchen and closed the door behind him. He started kissing me, my lips, down my spine, down my legs, and up again. Part 2 next block.

[rhymaes]

.

the way ive been trauma dumping on this site this past year & each post has felt hopeless but with an air of 'i know it will pass because i have purposefully created an open future where i can surpass my fears, create my own life where i can be me & enjoy what i love, & conquer what [x] did to me' & then it all collapses within two weeks & there genuinely is no hope for it & not in a haha it feels hopeless way but in a no things are happening so far outside my control that the people who Are in control were like. nah your fucked dude. sorry. is like. a different kind of horror helplessness. like okay lets rewind. i dont get into medical grief on here bc then id kms but like. okay. so 2022 i thought [x] was going to die & i told No One ever but also they knew i had [x] who i cared abt & was concerned for & everyone in [x] kept treating me like shit over it SPECIFICALLY & spreading rumors abt me bc i am a lesbian & then 2023 [x] & [x] & [x] all decide, separately, they want to be fun & quirky & try it with the gay girl so they can brag abt it to their bfs (im genuinly not being biphobic like. i mean they are straight women who would. do this. shit like. they said it. and then tried to queer it up when i told them to fuck off with it & they still needed their gay card bestie to fuck their ugly ass men who abuse them??? what the fuck!!!) & still gaslight me for caring abt [x]'s health & then tell me im selfish bc i wont drop everything for them & then try to out me & usher me into my greatest fear. okay. anyway. then 2024:like. u didnt think it could get worse is whats so funny!! like i faced my ed, lack of medication, insane financial struggles, tore myself out of a codependecy she imbeded in me so far that this now is the only time ive actually been Me for two years, & so many interpersonal issues & on-going griefs & then like. 2024 was like so? u know. that thing. the one youve been working for. that u were emotionally banking everything on & then u Did actually achieve it like we have the paperwork over it & u were also using it to prove to yourself that [x] may steal your work but she cant steal everything from u & also this is the only thing u could spend ur life doing without waking up every morning thinking abt how to kill urself? yeah actually you cant have that we changed our minds lol!!! & we didnt know how to tell u :/ so thanks for reaching out! but its not u is the thing like. youre so good bro. its an outside factor & oh yeah no theres like. nothing u can do like. u should drop it man. try next year. its not like u got through this year for that alone & put up with every thing that cut u so deeply bc u knew this would pay off not because u deserve it no but because u actually earned it & worked for it. but bye try again next year. like!! oh!! okay!!! im going to find the sexiest fucking ledge i can actually hahaha!!!

[sinisterexaggerator]

Little life update teehee

The school district in Austin, TX screwed me over. If I can’t find another job before August 1, fuck it — I’m going to try my luck in Seattle/PNW, job or not. I’m sure I’ll find something to pay the bills until I make it into the library there.

Long story short, dumb ass who hired me didn’t know what credentials I still needed when I investigated and thought all I needed was to take a test and hand them my transcripts. TX Education Agency says in order to be allowed to take the library media exam I need ANOTHER two years of course work in a school librarian prep program like I did for Region 13 for SPED and that right there cost 12,000 dollars when I’m barely finished with my MLIS. Somehow, my teaching experience, master’s, endorsements, and 2 years at the library in Florida isn’t good enough. Worst thing though, I relocated to Austin banking on this. I feel like I should be compensated for this fuckery. Who hires someone without knowing for sure if they are 💯 qualified and leaves it up to the employee in a case like that? I’m not a fucking school district. You tell ME what I have to do — and before I sign a prehire agreement, how about that!? I thought I had everything I needed, but they should have been there to tell me no, you are not qualified - please do this first instead of saying yeah, come to Austin, we’ll get you in somehow. No, obviously you can’t. UGH.

Got an air bnb until the end of the month. Not even gonna bother looking for an apartment at this point. I applied to places like UT, ACC, and APL but 🤷🏻‍♀️. Also if the last person I lived with would have let me take my damn time looking for a job like I asked, finish school first, and not stress out about this, well, I’d still have a job in Orlando atm but I was rushed out because “you were going to move eventually, anyway.” Yeah, maybe in six months or so. Maybe in a year. But noooo, I had to leave to have his “friend” move in by August, when guess what — they didn’t even wind up moving in because they lost their job.

I just hope I don’t fucking run lot of money before I get something else lined up. I refuse to teach again. I refuse to pay 12,000 for 9 more classes. Why the fuck do they make everything so HARD FOR TEACHERS AND NOW LIBRARIANS!! There is LITERALLY A SHORTAGE. Gee, I wonder why?!!? 😡🤬😡🤬🤬

Guess i'll keep applying to every job I see. Oh, and my period decided to come early - a week early - so that's fun, and before that I was SICK and had a FEVER while packing for the move! Not to mention before THAT I didn't even get to see the Hondo animatronic like I wanted to because Disney can't get their shit together and he was already broken for a week straight by the time we arrived.

Of course, can't get help from anyone either. My parents are dead, I have little family, and even though I have savings no one wants to rent an apartment ( even if you can pay for six months up front ) because you don't have proof of income?!?! How do people even move?! Ugh. And my bf's parents are dicks and won't even help us cosign. They are in the middle of selling/building a new house for the 10th time because his mother is bat shit crazy, so we don't even have a room to crash in worst case. We could sleep on a futon in his brother's living room, but fuck that.

I really just want to go to Portland, or Seattle, or Vancouver, Spain, California, fuck. Idk.

I wish I wasn't bleeding like a God damn wounded animal and the cramps don't help. I should be doing things - productive things - but all I want to do is watch reels on Instagram.

Oh— and one more thing. My boyfriend works from home normally and he can’t do his job because the air bnb failed to list that the internet is SPOTTY AF. It cuts out all the time and I am definitely leaving 3 stars.

[seiwas-interact]

HI i was gonna tag you at first but i figured it’d be easier to just write here :D i’m sorry in advance if this turns out rly long!! i just really wanna take the time to show my appreciation for everything you said on that satoru piece <33

first of all THANK YOU???? SO MUCH?????? like i literally can’t describe in words how happy it made me to read all you wrote, i was giggling n kicking my feet and everything. no but really tysm!! <3 for being so kind and for taking the time to comment on it so thoughtfully!!! it means so much you have no idea!!!!!!!🥺🥺and pls never apologize for the rambling i got sosososoo happy reading all the lines you liked and all your thoughts, i can’t thank u enough!! <33

i thought you couldn’t top the shoujo anime comment but comparing it to an indie movie scene is. so kind. ”scenes that feel almost stolen if anything” like that’s such a nice thing to say??!!! i was definitely going for that kind of vibe too so i’m so happy it came across well :’3 subtle intimacy is also like. my FAVORITE thing to write ever so i was ecstatic that u enjoyed it!!!!!

oh and the reader too!! i’m so relieved you liked them!! it’s not even intentional atp but every time i write for satoru reader ends up extremely down bad bc my love for him bleeds thru😭😭i’m sick and tired of it tbh but i’m physically incapable of pairing him w anyone who isn’t constantly like ’i love my dumbass bf’….. he deserves to be praised for all he does!! god knows no one else in that series is telling him good job and patting him on the head and giving him treats. smh.

overall i’m just. genuinely so, so happy you liked my take on satoru and love, it’s such a huge part of his character even in canon so i try my best to do it justice!! i feel like satoru would just benefit soooo much from a really sweet, gentle, easygoing love bc like you said he’s just. carrying so much weight on his shoulders, and especially after his love w suguru ended so tragically and was so heavy i just think he’d like something light.

for the record i absolutely adore your take on it too!!! how being loved makes him feel small but not in a bad way, how he feels so safe w you……… how he can just be satoru. like it made me insane when i read it bc you’re so RIGHT. i love your satoru sm, you make him feel so human and capture that vulnerable side of him so well that it kinda hurts to read LMAO… it’s just so…!!!! yeah. it’s so tender and good and achey

aaa and and and…. it makes me so soft that u thought my writing was homey….🥺🥺mine def leans more towards introspective thoughts and feelings too!! it’s just too fun to dig into your fave’s psyche lol.

anyway i feel like i’m just rambling away in your askbox so i’ll leave it there but pls just know how much i love and appreciate you <33 no need to answer this btw i just needed u to know!!!!! i feel like we all need some gojo fluff after those leaks LMAOO (i am in extreme misery) so i hope the fic could be a small comfort…… i’m just here writing sickeningly fluffy gojo content to distract myself from the manga atp…………

hi darlin omg 🥺 help we’re both just apologising for rambling on eachothers pages omg 😭 pls don’t apologise aaah!!! this is so so sweet of you 🥺

OF COURSE i had to comment thoughtfully on your fic omg it’s what you deserve!!! 🥺 it rlly tickled so many parts of my brain when it came to understanding satoru’s perspective!! tugged at my heart just as much too 🥺 i love introspective works a lot 🤧

i’m so happy i was able to get the vibe of it right too omg 🥺 as a reader who writes i think i get a lot more conscious now if what i understabd overlaps with what the writer is trying to portray omg akksnxkd but yes subtle intimacy omg 🥺

and yes to lovesick reader too 😭😭 i enjoy all dynamics but i have an extremely soft spot for when both are whipped for one another and for satoru especially !!!! our baby boy 🥺

& re: satoru and love, i think so too !!! i think that guy needs some luvin in his life and it shouldn’t be any more difficult than all the shit he’s been thru already 😭 that lil scene u added the ‘be careful satoru’ one i think omfg IT ACHED

AND AAAAH how u like my satoru too omg 🥺 thank u thank u 🥺 that’s such a compliment!! tender and achey 🥹 i do try to humanise him as much as i can so i’m glad it came across 🥹 ur satoru 🤝 my satoru 🥹🫶🏻

i hope u’re ok after the leaks!!! i’ve also just been thinking up all the fluffiest, most comforting ideas to cope 🤧 josnxkdn

read ‘i’ll relearn love at our kitchen table’ (super soft n comforting gojo!!! ☹️ tugged at my heart!!!!)

[girltomboy]

Many things are happening in my life now, some are awful but there are also good things. I won't elaborate on either now, but I must tell the story of what happened last night.

My bf and I went on a date aka went to a restaurant to have dinner and maybe a drink. We sat down, ordered our food and drink, and then I gave him a quick kiss. I thought something was a little off, so I gave him another one. I asked him if I was smelling some cigarette smoke on his breath. That's what it felt like. And he said no. No what cigarette smoke? No, you're not smelling that. His tone and his facial expressions and his demeanour, and his voice inflections, and everything pointed to him lying, because I've seen it all before.  So I just kept staring at him and eventually he said yeah I smoked yesterday I had a shitty day so I bought a pack of cigarettes. I just didn't know what to say because this was another instance of him lying to me to my face. A situation I have been in way too many times to even keep count anymore. And this was happening while we were out on a date waiting for our food. And then I stayed quiet because I genuinely was in shock, and he started trying to ask me about the books I've been reading recently?? And I told him I'm not gonna talk about books to him right now. I am upset and disappointed that he tried lying to me again. He just asked me what's the big deal was I supposed to tell you that I bought a pack of cigarettes and I was like yes yes you were supposed to because quitting smoking was a big deal for you and you did tell me in the past when you smoked again after quitting. Now not only did you try to hide it, but you also tried to lie about it to my face. That's the upsetting part. If you had just told me the truth, preferably yesterday when it allegedly happened, I would not have been this upset. Maybe I would've been a little disappointed but I would not have been this mad at you. And he tried to tell me things like "well you didn't ask", "I don't think it's necessary for me to tell you things like this" and he was only making me even more mad. And I told him I've already had my night ruined by his lies. I don't need to have it even more ruined by his gaslighting and shitty excuses. Like you didn't ask me, was kind of the last straw for me in terms of my patience for this whole conversation.

Afterwards, he was really persistent with the book questions, which I ignored completely. I ate my dinner in complete silence. I drank my little martini cocktail, and then we left. We went to see our friend at his workplace. He is grieving right now and he was really disappointed by the necessity to go home for a funeral and balance work at the same time, which I'm pretty sure is a form of hell on Earth. While we were there, my friend suggested going outside for a cigarette and my boyfriend actually bought a cigarette from the store my friend works at. He bought a single cigarette and smoked it and that just even pissed me off further, because it felt petty, it felt like a decision directed at me. Oh and on the way there we walked through the city centre which is decorated for Christmas. There is a Christmas fair going on and it being a Friday night it was quite crowded. So I started walking ahead in order to move through the ocean of people, and he got mad at me because I walked ahead of him, which I don't even know what he expected, did he want me to hold his hand or something? I was just trying to get through the crowd.

Well we spent some time with our friend, and then we left. We were supposed to go to my place, and I was thinking about telling him to not come to my place anymore and just go back to his place, but I decided not to because I actually wanted to have a proper conversation that wasn't in a public place. But at the bus stop, he said I don't think I should come back to your place tonight because you've barely talked to me and I stand by everything I said so the conversation is dead to me. And I said well I was actually thinking about elaborating the conversation because I don't think anything that happened tonight is alright for us. But since he didn't seem willing to do that, I just let it go. I went home without him and it didn't make me feel very safe to know that he doesn't care about my need for communication and he only wants to spend time with me when it's all romantic, when we're alright, and things are fine between us and he just dips when things get rocky because of him.

The topic of lying by omission, and then gaslighting me to convince me that he didn't actually do anything wrong, is as old as our relationship literally, and now five years in, to have this conversation all over again, like it's the first time it just exhausts me beyond any words and beyond my capacity to withstand this Behaviour. I have been questioning our relationship a lot in the past couple of months, but lately it seemed like we were back on track, but I see now that nothing has actually changed since the beginning and I don't see myself wanting to have to go through this sort of situation like identical to this, not once more in the future. I'm way too old for this and it doesn't even make me feel sad anymore, it just pisses me off. And I feel like even if he does apologise now which I don't really care if he does or not, but if he does it would just leave me cold because I know that not only is it fake. It's a superficial and artificial apology, but I don't think I need this kind of apology after you go home, I go home, you don't wanna talk anymore and then the next day suddenly you're sorry just because you probably feel alone or you just want the whole argument to end. Well, I wanted that last night, but you weren't willing to contribute to its ending. You can't just put me on hold until you feel alone and you just want my presence again, not necessarily because you are actually feeling sorry.

[lemondaily]

diaries of a bipolar 19 almost 20 year old

I think about this quote a lot

“Life is so subtle sometimes you find yourself walking through the doors you once preyed would open”

like., yeah. I grew up kind of rough (could have been worse never forget that) but with everything going on I was having serious mental health issues around 12, and I guess my surroundings were safe for me to be experimenting with gardening and four lokos, and by the time I was 16 I was literally a fully fledged alcoholic; totally following in moms footsteps.

It wasn’t until I got serious with bf when I realized how insufferable I was being, and it was a H U G E reality check, made me really think about who I was. Made me want to leave this world better than I found it. It was subtle changes at first. Part of the beginning of practicing mindfulness can start from truly coming from a place of wanting to be better for the people around you, which is an amazing building block for the rest of the work, but then I started noting patterns with the way I thought about my life and the things that would happen

And I realized; these conflicts and things in my life weren’t directed towards me… I know.. shocking right -.- but as someone who had never thought about anything any other way, this was h I uge for me!

If you’d had told me a year ago that I finally started to let things go, in many ways and different levels, I wouldn’t believe you. I used to say “I’ll forgive, but I’ll never forget”, and now I’m starting to give myself grace with everything I do, I started granting myself the same courtesy that I would give to others in a heartbeat, and it was like my life took a left and I drove myself into a place of forgiveness, where I don’t feel like I’m destructing my thinking 24/7

And the worst part is, if a therapist tried to tell me this before I learned it the hard way, I would have been like haha yeah okay good luck with that sweetie I am the way I am.

So I guess what I’m saying is,

Yeah. You are the way you are. But it takes a long time to see how miserable you are, but it takes even longer to see that it doesn’t have to be that way.

And by the time people figure it out, they’re like 40 and already married with children

When these things SHOULD be taught. My parents would never have told me to try changing my mindset, no I had to take some lsd at 14 and learn that shit the hard way. But oh well right we gotta let it go, I was just saying it’s so funny how I’m so different than I was. I used to be horrible at being alive. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong, I thought it was all my fault and the universe just hates me. But man let me tell you, if you start living your life knowing that there’s a balance of everything good and bad and in between, and you live accordingly, you respect the right things, you learn quickly what the universe is asking of you, and your purpose reveals itself. And your life isn’t gonna turn out how you dreamed it to be, but by the time you get to the future, whatever you built for yourself will be even better than you could have ever imagined.

And that’s why people always tells you it gets better

You could be sitting front row at a funeral and somebody could say “this too shall pass” or “don’t worry it gets better” or easier, or whatever kind of stock post they feel like spitting in ur face at that moment and you think, no you’re wrong this is the end of all things

and then the sun hits ur face the next morning, you think yeah I’ll eat I guess. That’s all it takes. One step, and then the next day you’ll get up a few seconds faster, and you’ll start preparing yourself to live your life again. It may not get better, but honey, you do.

You do get up again, you do learn how to deal with those big feelings, if you’ve lost someone you know, every day is another day of pain, but it’s also another day of you dealing with pain, and even if it doesn’t feel like time is moving and it’s getting better, it still does no matter what. You just hold on tight and lean on the people who love you. And watch movies, and cry, and you do get up again. and don’t forget that everything has a place in this world

Even spiders and flies and bees 6/23/24

[chimielie]

HIII MERRY CHRISTMASSS MWAH MWAH!! i hope your holidays have been well :) ive been having so many thoughts recently and i just gravitate to your work when i feel like i need to empty my brain and just rot in peace HAHA anywayss to answer your question, here are the things ive baked this year:

strawberry galette---its easy and so good! you should definitely try it, you can use different fruits too!

vanilla sponge fruit cake---for my friend's birthdayyy, it was so fun decorating the cake with homemade icing with her

taylor swifts chai sugar cookies---my friends and i made them to celebrate getting tickets to the eras tour

strawberry shortcake muffins---absolute chaos, my friends and i did the blind, deaf, and mute baking challenge but 2 of us were deaf because theres 4 of us! muffins came out..edible

tiramisu---does this count because its technically no bake hahaha! turned out to be my most "popular" one. the recipe i use doesnt have alcohol so my aunt who doesnt drink is always asking me when im making it so that she can reserve a little box for herself :)

craziest thing is that i did all this without my own mixer or oven! im amazed that my love for baking has allowed me to connect with my friends more! but i cant be baking at their houses forever.. im super lucky to have gotten a mixer as a gift and my family is looking to buy a new oven :) theyre going to be getting sweet treats all the time starting next year! i also achieved a new years resolution goal of mine which was to bake at least 3 new treats!

aww its okay, maybe youll be able to bake when you have access to a nice oven :) oh yeah definitely take credit for that bread haha!! bread is a territory im super intimidated by so ive only tried it a few times. 2 of which had me kneading the dough for hours past my bedtime LOL also no need to apologize about talking about your bf HAHAH love that for you! im taking about my friends in these asks ALL THE TIME and its so funny when i think about it because its always the 4 of us girls doing random stuff together! but i love spending time with them and im sure you feel the same way with your bf too! have the merriest christmas pookieee i would love to know what youre doing this holiday season :)

love, 🍮 (ive yet to make pudding maybe ill try that next year hehe)

STRAWBERRY GALETTE sounds like the best thing i have ever heard of. omg have u had ur show yet?? was it amazing??

BAHAHAHAH the …edible sent me 😭 omg no bake tiramisu sounds amazing. pudding anon i am giving u a michelin star

i love hearing about u and ur friends!! i hope u all are having the most fun and laughing lots together :)

this is so late and i am terribly sorry but my friends (+ k) and i did a little roadtrip together which was a lil stressful but also very fun! and for new years i spent the day with my family and we had fondue :) and then my bf had to go to the er and that was very very stressful so then we spent a decent amount of time just cuddling in bed lololol and now i’m back at sch**l

i did receive a lot of very exciting vintage cookware and dishes so i am hoping to cook a bit for my friends but that’s for when i’m better :) thank u for stopping by!! love u!!

[theperfectblonde]

I have no one else to tell and I just need to vent, so I’m posting on this blog just because it’s always been a little bit of my private journal.

Christmas was a little disappointing this year. It was my boyfriends family’s first time spending Christmas all together for the first time in years (they’re not from my country), and his older sister said that I bought too much for them for both gifts and stocking stuffers. Except the stockings and the tree were basically empty…? I’m not trying to sound presumptuous but I mean… a bit of Christmas magic is when you see a full tree and stockings right? Especially if you’re not expecting much? Idk for me at least that’s such a good feeling, but I grew up poor and humble and grateful for everything I received regardless of how big or small a Christmas was. I didn’t realize someone would be ungrateful if it was too big though lmao.

It’s my bf, me, his sister, his nephew, and his mom, so I already knew the only people filling stockings was going to be me and my bf, and that his sister would probably only fill her sons, which is totally fine. I even asked my bf what the budget should be and at first he said $100+, but at the last minute he said $25, so luckily I only did somewhere in the middle for both gifts and stuffers, which is a little more but not unreasonable, especially for immediate family members.

And I know it’s not about the gifts and you don’t give a gift to get recognition, but I tried really hard to make sure everyone had a lot to open and that they were thoughtful gifts too since they don’t have any family here in my country, and it seemed like no one else was going to get them anything. I didn’t even expect them to get me anything, but I just wanted to give them a good first Christmas all together and make a good impression as it’s my first one with them too.

And my boyfriend’s sister didn’t really seem grateful, and she just kept saying that it was too much and not to do it again. Idk that was just kind of shitty. I spent a lot of time curating their gifts for them, and they show gratitude differently so I wasn’t expecting a lot of fan fare, but she couldn’t just say thank you and leave it be, you know? I also didn’t spend a ton on them - like I think $60 each roughly, but I thrifted a lot of things and also combined their birthday gifts because I missed it due to me travelling. But she said I should have just left it and not done that but like… okay but do you not want a birthday gift at all then…? Wtf 😂

Also! They were kind of pissed that the nephew didn’t do gifts or stocking stuffers but he’s like… 10? And his mom didn’t help him with it, she just expects he’ll do it himself. With no money and no car and no help. Like lmfao what.

And then at the end of the night, they like… forced me to pray?? ☠️ I grew up Christian and I know they’re catholic so I’m not unfamiliar/uncomfortable with praying in general, but out of nowhere the older sister says I’m going to explain the story of the birth of Jesus to her son (my bfs nephew) without even asking me and I was like uhhhh lmao no tf I am not? And she was expecting me to know the whole bible off by heart and stuff too, like just assuming and then gets kind of pissy when I’m like I obviously don’t know that lmao. Like she gets so condescending about it, like oh which translation of the bible do you use and oh yeah you know X story is in X bible chapter right like lol girl… my memory doesn’t work like that any more idfk. 😂

And when I said I didn’t want to pray either (bc I have mixed feelings about the institution of the church and don’t agree with a lot of the ways Catholicism goes about it), she like… she couldn’t just be like oh okay no worries then she was literally like OUT OF THE BLUE AND WITHOUT TALKING TO ME “okay (my name) can open in prayer and say what she’s grateful for” LIKE UHHH WHAT!!! And put me on the spot in front of the whole family and told me to thank Jesus! It made me feel so fucking awful to be forced to do it and have it sprung on me instead of letting it come naturally. I said no I’m good actually and she was like well you have so much to be thankful for how about X, Y, and Z so thank Jesus for it and I just fucking awkwardly said “… I am grateful for the happiness and health of my friends and family”. And that was IT ☠️

Ugh idk. It just makes me feel like, why bother to be nice and go above and beyond when it’s not appreciated. My boyfriend loved his gifts, and he was really grateful at least. It’s just kind of a shame that his sister didn’t seem to feel the same way. I feel like maybe it’s because if I set the bar too high, she won’t be able to do it for her son next year so she doesn’t like how glamorous it seemed, which I totally understand as well. But at the same time you’re an adult, and I’m new to the family, so it was your responsibility to let me know for example “oh hey I don’t expect you to buy my kid anything but if you do please keep it under X amount and also we’re teaching him X lessons”. And if the issue is not being able to afford gifts, teach your kid to be extra thankful but not expectant? That he should bless others like that if he has the means? Like idk so many lessons you could be imparting, but instead you taught your kid to be ungrateful and unappreciative too because “you shouldn’t have given us these gifts” GIRL ITS CHRISTMAS IDK WHEN ELSE IS THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO GIFT GIVE AND BE GRATEFUL THEN

And then to make it worse my boyfriend started laughing at me because I was so uncomfortable, but then I was just getting irritated and angry with him. Which I don’t want to do on Christmas. But after a few months of living with his family I just feel like I’m not compatible with them or his culture, and I don’t want to live with them any more. He says we’ll move out after our lease is up, but he wants to still live in the same house as them (like ie top and bottom floor). Which… idk, is a better compromise, but I feel like I just need my own space again. I can’t deal with the constant microaggressions and miscommunications.

I feel like I don’t really like her that much, and it sucks cause I’d like her to be my sister in law one day because I don’t always have these problems either my boyfriend, but I don’t feel closeness to her. She’s not that nice. She’s often really rude imo (but I try to cut her slack since there’s cultural differences and my bfs family seems to act the same way). She’s told me things in the past before like I need to gain weight, she’s always criticizing everything I do and can’t just accept a different point of view, and she always has to be right, and I’m constantly being told what to eat and how much and when. It’s part of their cultural norms it seems but I can’t take it any more. And high key low key, she acts this way to everyone, and it’s become a problem at her work place, and apparently upper management is trying to get her fired. And like… I don’t WISH it upon her… but I wish that she would have a bit of an attitude adjustment from being in that position you know. ☠️ like she doesn’t want to lose her job and I don’t want her to either obviously, but she just refuses to see that maybe her condescending superiority complex is a legitimate issue and she needs to be taken down a notch! She probably doesn’t even know she has one in the first place, and she wouldn’t listen to you even if you tried to tell her either.

Sometimes I wish I was still with my ex. At least we don’t have cultural differences and had a laidback Christmas together, and he just gave me straight up $250 in cash last year lmfaoo. 😂

I’m just frustrated and sad. Christmas was almost perfect today. And right at midnight everything just felt rotten about it after that. Next year I’ll just give her fucking $20 or something, nothing personal. Idc if it’s petty; I’m not putting that much effort into her again tbh like I’m done, I tried and I’m done now :/