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welcometothejianghu · 17 days ago

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Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching reading. Today's choice: 死亡万花筒 / Kaleidoscope of Death.

Kaleidoscope of Death is a 2018 Chinese webnovel about two young men who fall in love while basically playing a whole bunch of horror-themed escape rooms that can for-real kill you.

This novel was gripping. I could not put it down. It started out fun and ended up ripping out my heart several times. It does a good job getting the ball rolling with a series of adventures in weird worlds, then turns into a meditation about grief and loss and what it means to have something to lose in the first place.

This is the first time I've ever done a book rec! I'm doing it in conjunction with a rec post for the Spirealm, and originally I was just going to do this as a bonus section for that post. However, I felt they both deserve whole different posts, because they both have very different things to recommend them. I also think Kaleidoscope of Death a 100% necessary read if you've seen the show, because it provides some context that the show simply cannot include -- but it's not a necessary read before you see the show.

Therefore, I'm going to give you five reasons I think you should sit down with this one, and not a single one of these reasons is going to assume you've watched the Spirealm! The book is great and deserves to be read on its own merits, and then if you then start watching the drama afterwards, so much the better.

1. All the Cross-Dressing

(Yeah, I'm going to punctuate this one with screencaps from the Spirealm, because otherwise it's just a wall of text.)

I'm not going to tell you why the male characters frequently dress and pass as women, since the book explains the practicality of it better than I could. You just need to know that they often do, and it's never not kinda hot when it happens.

When you first meet Ruan Nanzhu, it is as Ruan Baijie, a stunningly beautiful and noticeably tall woman. Lin Qiushi, our POV character who is extremely confused for a number of reasons, spends the first whole arc talking and thinking about Baijie like she's a girl. In fact, one of the cutest things about sweet, earnest Qiushi is that he clocks Baijie several times, and every time he's just like, oh, she's so flat-chested, how unusual for a girl, anyway...

And this isn't even just dressing up! Stepping into the door worlds changes you physically based on your clothing and cosmetics. Nobody inside looks the same as they do outside, and nobody looks the same inside as they did last time they were inside. The rules that govern these transformations aren't even clear to the characters themselves! So, you know, have fun with that.

I'm going to say it's not an out-and-out trans thing, in that we're not dealing with an AMAB egg who will crack someday. Ruan Nanzhu is a very male-identified, penis-having man! He's just also pretty entertainingly comfortable with performing whatever gender makes him the most fuckable person in any given room. Lin Qiushi is not so inherently genderfluid, however, which means that when his gremlin sort-of-boyfriend makes him pretend to be a girl, it's a completely different kink.

Therefore: If you like it in any way when boys dress up like girls, you owe it to yourself to pick up this one. And if you like a fandom that likes it when boys dress up like girls, baby, welcome to the world inside the doors.

2. Those boys GAY

This is a textual romance. Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu are in love. This is a danmei novel about how they fall in love. There is kissing and there are fade-to-black scenes that explicitly acknowledge that the two of them have sex with one another. We even know that Ruan Nanzhu (usually) tops. This s not just me pointing at them and saying gaaaaaaaaaay. This is actual gay.

And it is gay that takes its fucking time. They do not actually hook up until well over halfway through the book, but they are physically affectionate from almost the get-go. Ruan Nanzhu is such a trickster and a liar that Lin Quishi finds it hard to believe that anything he does is sincere, which leads to nearly lesbian levels of wondering if it means anything when a guy demands you kiss him on the mouth when he's pretending to be your girlfriend. Meanwhile, Ruan Nanzhu is over here being the Kate Beaton comic about sitting here consumed with lust all evening.

Even once they both acknowledge what they're feeling for one another, they don't get together right away. After all, they're playing a game of life and death where they lose friends left and right. Every time someone goes inside the door, there's a real chance they won't come out again. Is giving your heart to someone worth how much it will destroy your entire life when you lose them?

(Yes, says the book. Yes, it is worth it.)

The slow burn of their relationship is delicious, in part because the physical (though not sexual) aspects of it predate the romantic ones. It also has the fun hot-and-cold aspect where Ruan Nanzhu is incredibly affectionate inside the doors, then icy outside of them. Poor completely inexperienced, never-been-kissed Lin Qiushi does not know what to make of any of this. He can barely manage parenting a cat. He does not know how to handle a boyfriend who is also a girlfriend who is also (spiritually) a cat.

I also find it charming how much the gay part of it both is and isn't an issue. It's not that Lin Qiushi has a problem being in love with a man; however, the fact that Ruan Nanzhu is a man does mean the heteronormally indoctrinated and relationship-inexperienced Lin Qiushi takes much longer to realize what exactly those feelings he's having are. The book's world is one where heterosexuality is the assumed default, while queerness is unexpected but everybody's still pretty cool with it. Besides, no one's going to judge Lin Qiushi's gay yearnings, because who doesn't want to fuck Ruan Nanzhu?

3. HAKO ONNA HAKO ONNA HAKO ONNA

So as I was reading through @zintranslations' earlier chapters, I kept seeing translators' notes down at the bottom about being so excited to finally get to the Hako Onna arc. Okay, I thought, this is a lot of hype; I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Friends, it does not. This is the arc I was reading while screaming into a pillow. It's thirteen chapters long, tied for the longest arc in the book with the first door. It is a fucking nail-biter. It does the clever thing of taking all the things you've learned about what can happen inside the doors and combining them for a worst-case scenario.

The setup is pretty simple: There's a bunch of boxes. One has the exit. Most are empty. Some have things that help you. Some have things that hurt you. The more things you find that hurt you, the more things there are to hurt you. And you have to open the boxes.

All the door arcs are pretty well-written, so that you can more or less play along with their various adventures. Hako Onna, however, is exceptional. It's so complicated, but you can actually follow it. And you need to be able to follow it, because the multiple emotional gut-punches that happen in this arc all depend on understanding how the rules of the game have just been leveraged to fuck someone over.

Now I really want to play the board game -- which I was pleased to discover is a real board game! And speaking of board games...

sidebar: Betrayal at House on the Hill

I know this isn't technically related to the novel at all, but if you like board games, horror, and being incredibly dramatic, you owe it to yourself to try out Betrayal at House on the Hill.

It goes like this: You and several other horror-movie archetypes wander through a mansion, "building" it as you explore it, so the game layout is different every time. At some point (and it's based on so many random factors that you never know when it'll be) someone triggers a condition, and the haunting begins. All the players then get the rules of haunting explained to them -- except for one player, the one picked to do the titular betrayal, who gets a different set of instructions and becomes the antagonist. From that point on, the game is about either surviving or completing the haunting, depending on which side you're on.

I have played this game before with normal board game people, and they were like, eh, this is fine. I have also played this game before with theatre kids who RP and LARP, and we all had a fucking blast. So I'm going to warn you that you have to choose your crowd carefully. This is a game for people who do improv and voices.

4. The art of losing isn't hard to master

The book has a high body count -- higher than the show's, in fact, though that's related to how the book also has more characters than the show does. When you meet someone who can go into the doors, be careful how much money you'd lay on their survival.

Death after the doors comes so quickly, too. There's barely any time to say goodbye, if there's even any time at all. Often there's just a phone call telling our main characters that one of their friends or allies or enemies is gone.

Everyone who gets the chance to go through the door worlds is only able to do so because they're dying already. The more doors they pass, the more they get to kick that death further down the road -- but the more doors they enter, the more chances they take that they might die inside one. So really, none of the players can be that resentful of being forced to play a game that can kill them, since they're already playing it on borrowed time.

I will say, somewhat cryptically, that the book has a positive ending that leaves open the possibility for other positive things. The path to that positive ending, though, leads through some pretty wrenching takes on living through grief. It's not even all rah-rah and it-gets-better, either -- the text acknowledges many times over what it means to have someone that life isn't worth living without.

And that's maybe not what you expected from a BL horror adventure webnovel, but it's what you're gonna get! Ha ha!

5. What He Is

Which is the title of the first extra chapter, which is not extra at all, but is in fact a necessary explanatory piece that whacks you upside the head like a two-by-four and recontextualizes the entire story.

...Yeah, that's all you're going to get from me about that. You'll understand when you get there.

Have you put it on your reading list yet?

The way you have to read it is a little convoluted: @zintranslations has chapters 1-17 and 63-end + extras. Taida Translations has chapters 1-62. So no matter where you start reading, you're going to have to switch sites at least once.

There are also apparently Portuguese, Indonesian, Russian, and Spanish translations too? And the original Chinese webnovel, of course. And some audio dramas and subs linked to from this Carrd, which helpfully has other information, like content warnings for specific chapters, in case the horror aspect of the story gives you pause.

Anyway, once you're done reading it -- or even before you're done! -- you should absolutely go watch the Spirealm. I think it's clear from both rec posts that I definitely like the book better, but I appreciate having the drama to bring so many scenes to life, and I think the casting is great. Also, I don't think reading the book makes you like the drama less! Rather, I think reading the book gives you insight into the awkward and sometimes terrible choices the drama had to make to survive -- which in turn gives you the ability to see through those choices, on to what the show always wanted in its heart to be.

I do find it funny how "Kaleidoscope of Death" and "Death's Kaleidoscope" technically mean the same thing, but they sure read different, don't they?

#死亡万花筒 #kaleidoscope of death #the spirealm #rec post #i made this

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sheisjoeschateau · 10 months ago

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"Oh, so we DO love Steve..." | PART IV

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Steve Harrington x Bauman!fem!reader enemies to lovers, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, upside down mayhem, S2-S4, post S4 universe hot-take, end-of-the-world / dystopian setting, ugly fights turned smut (...but with hella plot). 18+

CHAPTER WARNINGS: major character death (?), more plot-driven smut, strong language, anxiety-inducing themes, panic attacks, co-dependency, hot n heavy but low-key emotional s*x. MINORS, DNI. 18+

⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ SERIES MASTERLIST ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

When you do manage to get yourself out of bed and dressed for the day, which consists of an oversized long sleeved shirt that you stole from your uncle (because you liked it) along with some leggings and long white socks, you tell yourself to take a deep breath and accept whatever fate awaits you.

You've made your bed (literally, and figuratively speaking) so now you have to... well, not lie in it...

Anyway.

You walk downstairs to smell Steve at work in the kitchen, cooking up something delicious. Eddie sees you first, on the couch.

He grins and waves. "Mornin’, princess.”

You smile and give him a little wave. "Howdy."

Robin walks in with a first aid kit to give him fresh bandages, visibly sagging with relief when she sees you.

“Oh thank God, you’re up. These kids are already on one...”

You can’t help but snort a laugh at that, taking in her frazzled state, and you ask her what you can do to help but she just says in a desperate voice, “Coffee, please, I love you.” You grin and nod, hearing her and Eddie fussing over his dressing as you make for a hot cup of coffee.

You can hear the kids all around the corner, chirping lively from the kitchen. Even El is in there participating. Hopper’s voice is in the mix somewhere, grunting something about “indoor voices.” Your uncle is arguing over something with Erica, balls deep in a heated debate.

When you round the corner, your eyes first land on Nancy. She’s sitting at the bar with Jonathan. She smiles at you shyly. Jonathan greets you out loud.

“Bauman Squared is up.”

The kids all get in a tizzy of excitement. Erica’s excitement is short-lived, given her intense debate with your uncle. But Dustin is rushing over to you, blabbering about something pertaining to the lifespan of canned goods, and Mike is chiming in from the table saying, “No, Dustin, hold up, okay? So, Bauman, this is actually how it started.”

But your uncle cuts him off, asking them why they call you that when you both share the same last name. Joyce teasingly points out that he’s Murray and you’re Bauman.

Hopper adds to that, “yeah man, get with the program. Your niece is our favorite.” He shoots you a wink, and you give him a finger gun of approval.

Your uncle is rolling his eyes, but shoots you a desperate look — “Coffee. Black. Strong. Gracias.” Erica resumes her debate with him.

You grin as you move to go get your uncle a much needed cup of coffee, finding that Steve has stopped flipping the pancakes to look at you with a soft smile and scooting over a hot mug of coffee to you.

But it’s not for your uncle. It’s for you.

“Two sugar, light cream, right?”

The way that Steve murmurs the question to you makes you weak in the knees. You settle for giving him a tight-lipped grin and nod.

“Yeah, thank you,” you murmur back.

Steve moves to grab another mug, moving to pour another cup of straight black coffee for your uncle. You can’t help but notice the curve of his biceps as he does, secretly admiring his face while the coffee pours from the pot. The way his white t-shirt fits him just right, his gray sweatpants sitting at the jusssst right point of his hips.

You swallow. Fuck.

You get a hold of yourself before he’s handing it over to you. He winks. “It’s strong. I promise.”

You smirk back at him, raising the glass in thanks before walking it over to your uncle.

You don’t notice the way that Steve tries to hide the overwhelming thoughts in his brain, signaling his evolving feelings for you.

And you also don’t notice now Nancy catches it, or how it uncomfortably makes her heart seize...

But you do notice your uncle staring at you with those damn all-knowing-eyes, while Erica incessantly jabbers on about whatever the hell they’re debating. You and Murray exchange the quietest but most intense glares.

And Hopper's got half a donut hanging out of his mouth as he happens to catch the tail end of this. He wants to ask, but decides it’s best to hold off on that.

***

The day goes well. The house is always staying busy, so it keeps you all that way. Hopper is calling for a family meeting in the living room, which gets everyone in a tizzy.

The boys will always, at some point, try to take over. It takes both Joyce and Hopper to set them straight.

Your uncle makes sure to throw in his usual statement: “peanut gallery hours will follow the meeting, thank you.”

This meeting is no exception, and it goes exactly like that.

Will makes great points, as always — and he is allowed to, along with El, given their ties to the supernatural.

Jonathan and Nancy always listen the best. One of them takes notes.

Normally, you sit next to your uncle or Eddie while Steve always takes a seat next to Robin.

But this time, as you sit next to Murray at the end of the couch listening to Hopper try to push through his conference lecture while Dustin interjects like crazy, your heart flutters as Steve moves from the staircase over to sit on the arm of the couch -- next to you.

You sit still, not letting yourself react or look up at him. But you also forget to breathe. Thankfully, he’s too busy telling Dustin to can it so he doesn’t notice.

Robin is slowly shifting back in her seated position in the large loveseat, having been prepared to make room for Steve. She’s too grateful to have it to herself to feel suspicious yet.

Eddie, however, clocks it. What “it” is, necessarily? He doesn’t know. Like honestly, he’s not even in the ballpark. But still, he notices so yay gold star.

Nancy does know what “it” is, though, when she catches it. Or at least she has an inkling. She’s not the note taker today, so she’s able to catch it. She wonders to herself if maybe she is just overthinking it, given her conflicted feelings for Steve while still with Jonathan.

Steve is actively participating in the conversation with the adults, and you chime in as well. Once you’ve gotten a grip on yourself.

Something is being said about needing to go on a supply run, but also how they need to get over to the main field and see what is happening at the lab — which is now squared off with all electric fencing. The kids are LOUD, demanding it be them. Hopper shuts that down real fast.

“So help me Goddddd, listentome.” — Hopper

“Kids, shh, calm down…” — Joyce

“FETUSES, SILENCIO.” — Murray

The kids relent with rolled eyes and groans of displeasure. Hopper rubs his temples, resetting. Then speaking —

“I will be assigning roles. You will hear them, and you will accept them. Deal?”

Everyone nods, agreeing. Even the kids. Great, you think, so they’ve learned to know better than push their luck that far…

Hopper is assigning 4 separate groups to 4 separate tasks.

In one group: Robin, Nancy, Will and Joyce. They will be making the supply run.

In the 2nd group: Dustin, Erica and Murray will be staying here to run the command center. Murray’s the boss. He grins, but also wants to jump off a cliff for the fact he has been assigned the responsibility of managing the two loudest kids in the group. Lucas will also stay with Max, while on lookout at base.

In the 3rd group: Hopper, El, Mike and Argyle as the driver. They’ll be assessing the damage done, pertaining to the gate re-opening. They’re on Vecna patrol.

In the 4th group: Jonathan, Steve, you and Eddie. You’ll all be venturing over the fence to spy on the lab and get a look at what is happening over there, while reporting back to Group 2.

This sends Dustin to a fit of determination, as he insists that he joins your group so that he can help with the walkie-talkie communication since Lucas and Erica can man the fort. (Murray definitely takes offense to that.)

Hopper huffs but doesn’t disagree with the suggestion. “Don’t let this give you any sort of false pretenses, kid. This is the one suggestion you’ve made that is sensible.”

Dustin just grins like a dopey idiot. Then he looks at Steve. “Yay!”

Steve rolls his eyes but honestly, he’s cool with having his buddy.

The plan is to go into effect early tomorrow morning. Meaning, everyone needs to get some good ass sleep and tuck in early.

You’re in your room now, having just showered and put on your pajamas with freshly brushed teeth. You’re putting together your combat outfit for tomorrow when there’s a knock at your door.

You expect it to be your uncle, since earlier he was going over strategies with you for an obscenely long time — which is his very awkward way of indirectly saying, “hey, you’re my niece and I love you and I’m worried about you because that’s what family does.” So you figure he’s drawn up another 10 plans to run by you, and you're happy to humor him on them.

But it’s Steve on the other side, looking shy and like he might’ve had to talk himself into doing this in fear of how you might react.

You give him a surprised but pleasant smile. He stands there, returning it timidly. There is a silence that falls over both of you. Then finally —

“Can I sleep in here tonight?”

You have to literally restrain yourself from jumping at that question with a way-too-eager oh thank god, yes. Instead, you just give him a polite grin.

“Yeah, of course,” you say.

Steve lets himself in, and he looks over to see your outfit set aside for tomorrow. He nods at it as he sits on the edge of the bed.

“Tryna look badass?”

You smirk. “I am a badass. I’m a Bauman.”

You expect Steve to scoff. To roll his eyes. Make some snide remark. But he doesn’t. He just looks at you, with that same look on his face that he had this morning while you two laid in bed together. You can’t break away your gaze for a moment, almost hypnotized.

God, he is so beautiful. Why the fuck is he so beautiful?

Finally, you break the stare down by moving to get your combat boots out from the closet and place them beside the clothes.

And that’s when you feel it. His fingers brushing the edge of your t-shirt, hooking onto it so that you turn around. You do, letting him turn you to face him. He’s looking at you intently, and slowly he pulls you towards him to cage you between his spread legs as he sits on the edge of the bed. It’s half shy, half confident. Gentle but assertive. You stare down into his doe eyes, and you hold your breath when his fingers splay across your hips as they grip onto you. You’re so close to him now, too close yet somehow not close enough. You can’t breathe.

After soaking you in, Steve reaches one arm up to pull your neck down to his face so that he can brush the tip of his nose against yours, just like you did last night. Ever so slowly, be nuzzles. Eskimo kiss.

And then his lips are finding their way to be against yours.

Steve kisses you softly, taking his time and just breathing you in. Then he sighs into your mouth as he stands so that he can lift you up, making you swing your legs to wrap around his waist and hold yourself to him there. He turns you both around, effortlessly walking you over to sit on top of the chest of drawers. Damn, he's strong. Steve places you there, lips still on yours, before he finally pulls back. His hands glide down to the bottom of your shirt. Please, his eyes ask. But this time, he wrenches your shirt off of you with more vigor than last night. It’s urgent, and it’s still urgent when his lips crash back into yours before wrenching himself back again so that you can tug his shirt over his own head. He grunts impatiently, wanting to not be apart from you yet needing to be skin to skin. He paws and grabs at you, needy and greedy, but something about it feels a whole lot more like love than lust.

Steve tastes like summer. Sunscreen, popsicles and June. He smells like pool water and boyfriend. And he looks like a dream.

You wonder how in the world he would have felt if he’d been told during his King Steve era that one day, he’d be having sex with that one student who graduated a year early and didn’t belong to any niche crowd or group or clique. You wonder if he would scoff at that, wave it off. Say, nah, that girl? Never.

But the way that Steve keens into your neck right now, murmuring sinful names for you like angel and baby, makes you wonder if King Steve wouldn’t be able to understand that the new and improved Steve Harrington might just happen to be into things he never was into before. Maybe he’d gotten close with Nancy. Maybe you were a rebound. But he didn’t kiss you like that. Or treat you like that after your first time, for that matter...

And the second time was just as euphoric as the first time, just different. Steve was more in control, clinging to you and unafraid to go for it.

Before you know it, you’re up against the wall with your bare chest against it and your legs spread widely and his mouth on your ear. Tugging at your earlobe with his teeth and his shaky breathing, infused with his pleasured grunting humming inside of your eardrums. You pant and bite back the screams that you so fucking badly want to release. but you don't, not wanting to wake the entire household or get the attention anyone awake. However, you made sure that he knew you were in pure fucking bliss with the way you arched your back into him and dripped all over his girth.

“Been wanting to be here inside you all day,” he rasped, thrusting against you. “Didn’t wanna leave this room.” His words break up as he pounds himself deeper into your guts. “Needed to — to — n-n-need you —”

You throw your head back against him, climaxing at his words for the second time in a row tonight. His arm linked around your waist tightens, gripping you like a lifeline, and he chokes into your ears — which only sends you into an orgasm unlike anything you’ve ever felt in your life. And Steve shares the exact same experience as you do when he ejaculates inside of you.

You both pant and gasp for air, your heart rates racing at lightning speed and trying to level out. You’re both slick with sweat and sex, and as Steve rests his head against your shoulder it sends chills up your arms when his hair flops and tickles your bare skin.

Steve pulls out of you, and you shiver as you feel him leave your body, inch by inch. The loss of him is overwhelming, and your legs shake. But before you can even move to catch yourself, Steve is already turning you to him with a steady grasp on you.

The way that Steve strokes your hair, moving it out of your face as he stares into your eyes again, is priceless. You can’t help it…

“You’re beautiful, Steve Harrington.” You breathe it against his face, still catching your breath. The corners of your lips twitch, almost like you want to laugh or smile. “I can’t stand you.”

Steve looks at you like you’re all that matters in this world. The pads of his thumbs stroke the skin under your eyes, softly, gingerly. He moves to press his lips to the corner of your mouth, breathing against it, “I can’t stand you either.”

Feather-like kisses are pressed to the corner of your mouth and cheek, and you revel in the glory of it, pressing your skull into the wall with your eyes fluttering shut.

Steve falls asleep first that night, with you tucked underneath his chin and with his arms holding you protectively. You let the sound of his steady breathing lull you to sleep.

***

The next morning comes sooner than you’d like.

You feel someone squeeze you tightly to them, pressing their lips to the crown of your hair before they roll out of bed. You watch as Steve’s back muscles flex while he tugs his sweatpants back over his boxers, then throws his shirt back on and heads to your little en-suite bathroom for a few minutes. You force yourself to sit up, knowing that it’s time and you’ll need to get ready.

Hopper would be so mad if he knew about the 5 hours of sleep you got, versus the 8.

You’re pulling out a pair of socks to go with your boots when Steve emerges from the bathroom, and before you can stand up and move to switch places — he’s cupping your cheeks to kiss your forehead in two lingering pecks. You smile under his touch.

You give him the shyest of looks before going to brush your teeth, re-shower and get changed.

Steve quietly murmurs to you the promise of coffee as he leaves. And he is all you think about in the shower.

You get changed into your army pants, combat boots, and fitted t-shirt. You grab yourself a windbreaker and throw your go-bag over your shoulder, ready to face the day.

Dustin is securing the command center with Murray and Erica, while Mike comes over to you carrying snacks.

“Here, I set extra aside so that you have plenty.” Mike always treated you more like a sister than Nancy, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by her. You ruffle his hair and give him a quick squeeze, grateful.

Lucas and Will are asking you questions about the trip, along with Mike, and you assure your kiddos that you’ll all be fine.

Hopper comes over to you with Murray, entrusting you with one of their guns. “You’re the group's team lead today, along with Steve.”

Steve’s got his nail bat, along with a pistol.

Murray is going over the inner workings of the lab’s field layout with you and your group.

“The break switch is in this building,' he's saying. "But thanks to Erica and Dustin, we’ve got a way of hacking into it at exactly this time. You’ll have this much time to mount the electric fence and get to the other side. Seize. Those. Minutes. Haul ass. Get to the other side. No asking why the chicken crossed the road. Capiché?”

The way that Jonathan, Eddie and Steve repeat the word back to him makes you visibly bite back a laugh.

Joyce is giving everyone the nurturing mama bear talk, hugging everyone too many times — especially Jonathan. She has Will in her group, so she’ll be a little more sane in the head thankfully.

Nancy and Jonathan are giving each other an affectionate goodbye that Steve doesn’t even notice. Nancy wonders if he does. Silently, and selfishly, she hopes he does. But he doesn’t.

Robin is rambling about something having to do with a jump-ship plan in case the jump-ship plan doesn’t work, and if they need to establish not only a 2nd abort —

“— but maybe even a 3rd abort? and wait is there really enough backpacks that they’re taking to fit all the supplies and can goods that they — ”

“Oh my god, Robin, please breathe,” Steve cuts her off.

“Wait, what’s the jump ship plan?” Argyle’s question makes everyone whip their head in his direction with incredulous looks on their faces.

Hopper looks ready to slug someone but also like a nervous dad. After he goes back over the plan for everyone, giving the bullet points, he tells you all to eat your breakfasts and be by the front door within 30 minutes or else.

Lucas takes his plate up to sit with Max. El comes over to talk with you about the day, saying that she’ll send a signal if she sees anything dangerous headed your way at the lab. She gives you a tight hug, which tugs at Hopper’s heart. He and Murray share a very rare, quiet moment with an exchange in their eyes. Our girls.

Steve is telling the boys and Erica to follow him upstairs to Max’s room to join Lucas for a motherly pep talk, and they all follow him like chicks following a mother hen.

Eddie is being given strict instructions by Robin to follow orders and not rip his stitches that she’s worked hard at keeping in tact by mounting the wall --

...“and be on the damn lookout only so help me god or else I’ll rip them back open myself,” she threatens him.

Eddie visibly swallows and nods at that, believing her.

Suddenly Nancy is walking up to you, as you stand there still hugging El while looking over Murray’s shoulder at his computer system setup. She looks nervous as you turn to her.

“Hey, umm, keep an eye on them, will you?” she asks shyly, sheepishly. “I worry about them. Especially Dustin.”

You know she meant Steve. “Yeah. Of course.”

Nancy nods awkwardly, grateful you didn’t correct her and a little embarrassed. She points to the gun on your back, giving you a tight-lipped grin. “Glad it’s you handling that bad boy.”

She flashes the same one across her back. You chuckle lightly, agreeing with her. “Yeah, the last thing we need is for Eddie to get his hands on this or else he’ll murder the whole town.”

Nancy giggles.

Eddie snickers at the joke, appreciating your dark humor. He gives you a wry smile. “Thanks princess, but I only prefer bone crushing, eye sucking curses.”

You all eat some whole wheat eggos (even El) and some scrambled eggs. Plenty of water, plus some coffee.

Steve walks in to scoop up his plate during the last 10 minutes, and Hopper takes pity on him — given that he’s been with the kids.

“You get an extra 5,” Hopper tells him.

“Appreciate it, Hop.”

Steve carries his plate over to the table, moving to sit by you and Murray — who does his best to just stare down at his coffee and ignore catching this in his peripheral vision. Sip, slurp.

It’s a quiet breakfast. Tense. Stiff. Everyone is nervous. This stuff never does get easier…

***

The kids all boom back down the stairs, loud as ever.

And everyone is out the door on time, minus the extra 5 minutes that Hopper secretly gave for Steve’s benefit. Thankfully, it goes unremarked but the kids.

You all put their hands in a circle because Dustin insisted a while back that you cannot all part ways without a group huddle. So it’s now become tradition. Everyone fist bumps in unison, and the four groups embark on their separate journeys.

Group 1 does well, making it into town. They have the bottom tier level of risk, which Hopper did intentionally for Joyce and Will's sakes because those are his hearts. He also adores the two girls, Nancy and Robin, of course. They carefully fill up Joyce’s car in doses, trying not to attract attention as everyone has a strict evacuation mandate that goes into place next week along with a food supply limit. They’re ahead of the game, doing everything not to give away what Dr. Owens warned them about.

Group 2 is in full swing, back at Casa Harrington. Erica and Murray bicker like a married couple, but they also high five. Lucas makes sure that Max is safely tucked in, giving her a kiss on the forehead and a promise to be back upstairs in a few hours.

Group 3 is cautious. They have to calculate every single move, given the risks. El uses her senses to tap in, blindfold on and static on the van's radio ringing throughout the car. Mike keeps watch, along with Argyle at the wheel — and Hopper navigates.

Group 4, your group, is en route. You have the longest journey to make on foot, making sure to keep their strength. Jonathan keeps watch of time, and Dustin hangs into the walkie-talkie to keep contact. You scan the area, and so does Steve, as you all walk. Eddie sings to himself to keep from wigging out, and it’s definitely giving mumbled panic.

You are telling everyone the ETA, using the compass. Steve tells the gang to keep the same pace so that they make sure they aren’t there too soon or too late, wanting to time it right with Group 2’s orders.

At some point, you gesture for everyone to pivot directions, and when Steve steps in your direction — he instinctively reaches out to brush the small of your back. It’s so subtle… yet so telling.

Eddie cocks an eyebrow mid-song, ceasing the mumbling altogether for about 2 solid seconds, before resuming as he walks. Even Jonathan raises an eyebrow, silently smirking.

Dustin misses it entirely.

Then Dustin starts communicating back and forth on the walkie-talkie with Erica, and as they start to bicker Steve interjects.

“Hey, dingus, cool it and listen to what she’s saying, please.”

Dustin huffs, whining, “but she’s wronnnng...”

You squint in the sunlight as you look back at him, saying simply, “Listen to your mother.”

Steve doesn’t even flinch. You both just look back at your son expectantly. Dustin sighs but obeys.

Oh that definitely makes Eddie and Jonathan share a look.

Back at base, Murray is struggling to access the switch for the electric fence closest to where Group 4 (you guys) is approaching. He and Erica work hard at it, and Lucas helps as he keeps open the line of communication with Dustin via the walkie-talkie.

“This east side gate is a bitch,” Murray is griping over the channel. “Hang tight, just pause when you guys make it there.”

Dustin and Lucas are going back and forth, while Jonathan tries to keep up with what they are all saying.

You can see the fence up ahead, and so does Steve.

Eddie’s singing gets louder.

Nancy speaks over the walkie-talkie channel: “Group 1, reporting. Over.”

Dustin speaks. “Group 4, tuned in. Over.”

The other groups tune in, too. Nancy continues in a hushed voice. “Food supply is running low so we’re going to double up. The mandate will be really strict. Can’t take chances. Over.”

Jonathan tells her to keep them posted with the ETA.

El comes onto the walkie-talkie, asking for you.

You take it, speaking: “Bauman squared, I copy. Over.”

Eleven tells you that she can see you all headed there to the lab, and that no one is nearby. You’re safe.

Hopper adds: “But Eddie, make sure that you stay tuned into this channel and relay it to Dustin just in case. Over.”

Eddie’s song of woe dies on his lips with an anxious exhale. “Roger that, over.”

Steve speaks up, “Alright guys, we’re here.”

Dustin signals Murray, right on cue. You all stare up at the looming electric fence in front of you. It’s tall. At least 30 feet up. You gulp. So does Jonathan. For Steve, it’s easy. For Dustin, well, it’s exciting.

Jonathan adds to the relayed info, addressing Murray, saying, “Yeah, uhhh, it’s pretty high up man?”

Murray’s tone comes through, crisp. “How high is high?”

Jonathan visibly shrinks back as he squints in the sunlight. “Like...25-30 feet?”

Murray curses on the other side, frustrated. “Alright, hold please.”

Steve turns over to face you all, starting with you. “It’s gonna be a helluva climb.”

You nod. “We’ll have to double up the speed, guys. But for safety, let’s just do two at a time.”

Jonathan’s brow furrows. “Why?”

You tell them it’s safest this way. This way, two people can gauge the timing of it just in case. Dustin immediately demands to go in the first group, which Steve shuts down promptly — like all good mothers would with their favorite child. He starts to onboard Jonathan, but you’re already saying you’ll go as you tighten up your bag. Steve looks at you, hesitant.

You look back at him, giving him a nod. “No arguments.”

Steve sighs through his nose. “Yeah, I figured as much.”

He’s so sexy when he isn't actually hating you, and instead just consistently miffed with you…

“Group 4, listen up,” Murray’s voice comes over the walkie-talkie. “I’m signaling the switch now. On my mark, it will take exactly 3 minutes for it to activate. You’ll have 60 seconds to climb it. Up and down. That’s it. Remember what I said: haul ass.”

Dustin responded back with a sigh, “Steve and Bauman Squared insist on going two at a time so…” He dreads the next question, cringing before asking. “Any chance you guys can…do it…twice?”

You turn around, waiting to hear your uncle’s reply and wondering if you’ll need to step in. His befuddled response confirms, yes you will, and you walk over to take the walkie.

“Uncle Murray, it’s not very sturdy. It’s too big a risk, four at a time. If you can’t do it, then just me and Steve will go. What can we do? Over.”

You speak matter-of-factly, which Steve appreciates. He stands with his hands on his hips and tongue between his teeth, all hot and mom-like. Even though for you...he’s giving daddy.

Eddie has been pacing a trough into the grass. Please let me have company, he thinks.

Jonathan’s just quiet, wondering if now is a good time to tell everyone that he’s actually afraid of heights.

Dustin just wants to fucking climb already.

“Workin’ on it. Standby.” Your uncle’s monotone voice makes you all wait.

You stare up at the fence while you do. Then, turning your face over in Steve’s direction, you find that he’s already gazing over at you. That fondness in his eyes is back, and you feel your cheeks flush under the sun. But it’s not the sun making you blush. Steve's hands are still on his tips, and he gives you a tiny wink before turning to look back at Dustin with the walkie-talkie. He tells his kid not to stress about it if they can’t come, which only starts a back-and-forth argument between mother and son. But Erica’s voice cuts through it over the walkie.

“Group 4 nerds, listen up. We found a way to do it. Over.”

Dustin pumps his fist in glee. Jonathan doesn’t. Eddie realizes he’s doomed, back to being there all alone.

Steve takes the walkie, asking, “Same timeframes, Murray? Over?”

Your uncle confirms it, but then Lucas is in the background saying, “Wait, are you sure this will give them 60 seconds?”

Steve raises an eyebrow at that. But you’re looking at the top of the fence. The end of the other side of the line is quiet for a hot minute. No doubt, Murray and the kids are beefing. Re-calculating. Beefing some more. Getting attitudes. Then finally —

“Erica to group 4, confirming. Timeframes are exact. Wait for us to signal the 2nd climb. Standby and brace for 1st climb. Over.”

You and Steve look at each other. Here we go. He fastens his backpack, reaching out a hand to you and telling you to hand over yours. You go to protest, but he’s just insisting without budging and reaching anyway. It isn’t until his hand starts to slide the strap down your shoulder that you huff and relent.

“30 seconds to climb.”

“There’s a ledge up there, wide enough to stand on.” You nod up at it as you tell Steve. “If we run low on time, we hang there until the 2nd climb.”

Steve nods at you, agreeing. He turns and relays that to a very anxious Jonathan and a very antsy Dustin. You gesture over to Dustin, telling him to toss you his backpack. Steve goes to argue but you hold up a hand.

“Better me than him," you say quickly. It’s a parental thing that he would insist on too, so he lets you win that one.

Dustin obeys after seeing mom agree with…um…dad? Are you dad?

“10 seconds to climb.”

Steve talks fast, in position to pounce. “Eddie, on go, toss that branch to hit the fence. Double check for sparks.” Eddie nods, picking up the large branch nearby. You get in position with Steve.

“5…4…3…2…1…climb!”

Eddie tosses the branch. No electric shock. All systems go.

You and Steve hop as high as you can, climbing up like champs. You both hustle, swiftly making the climb like pro climbers. Steve is faster, planning to reach down and lift you the rest of the way if he gets to the top first. But you’re almost right at the same level with him, almost at the top.

…until your bag catches.

The strap of Dustin’s bag pulls you back down. Air catches in your throat, no scream escaping your mouth as it swings you around, unhooks and makes you fall back some feet. But you latch back onto the wall, back down to midway. Fuck.

Dustin gasps, Jonathan shouts your name. Eddie starts his shit-shit-shit chant.

You look down, realizing that it’s way too far of a drop to just fall back down and start over. You are literally back to the mid-way point.

You make up your mind within a few seconds: keep going.

Steve is hoisting himself up onto the thick ledge as this is happening, and when he turns to see you lower his heart stops.

“Bauman, what happened??"

But you keep climbing, shouting, “Steve, just keep going.”

But Steve is not having that. He’ll fucking wait. Hell, he’ll wait for Dustin too. He’s staying put. He shakes his head, clapping his hands and reaching for you even though you still have another fourth of the wall to mount before you reach him.

“30 more seconds.” Oh thank God, that’s plenty.

”You got this, Bauman, c’mon...” Steve’s ready to hold you again. Anxious. So fucking anxious.

Dustin is cheering too, along with Eddie and Jonathan. You’re fine. Almost there.

You look at Steve at the top, leaning over the side looking down at you. You can see the anxious anticipation in his brown eyed gaze.

“20 more seconds. Group 2, don’t forget to wait for our signal.”

But right as Murray stops talking — the wall buzzes.

Everything happens in slow motion. One second feels like a whole minute for all 5 of you in your group. Your ears perk up at the sound. That wasn’t an insect. That’s mechanic. That’s —

“Was that —” Eddie barely started to ask the question you were all wondering.

“Fuck, Bauman — !!! ” Jonathan’s voice is panicked with realization.

Steve’s brow furrowed, alarm and horror sweeping across his entire face.

You feel a scorch so hot, fire itself couldn’t have burned as badly as the electric shock that shot through your entire body did.

In that single second, you felt your brain short circuit.

You felt your hands get shoved away from the wall, throwing you off with blinding force.

You felt your throat snap, and you felt your heart rumble inside of your chest...

And then you felt it stop.

*****************************

:( im sorry, Steve.

author notes: I am sure that the fence thing might be weird and not accurate, but it helped my vision for how this chapter goes down. so I hope you all will be kind and not find it too "unrealistic." had to watch some stuff like the OG Jurassic Park, and get ideas for it.

tag list: @erastourvip @get0ut0fmyr00m @xprloki @eddiemuns0nl0ver @marrowfrog00 @poppet05 @wiltedflowersundertowers

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington angst #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington stranger things #dustin henderson #stranger things fanfiction #murray bauman #enemies to lovers

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firemenenthusiast · 4 months ago

Note

kinda random what if reader was a domme and had not only Jann as a sub but FARLEIGH also and reader makes them get freaky deaky with each other while reader watches 🌚🌚🌚🌚

or Farleigh gets to fuck reader and lowkey cuck Jann watches and can’t touch them or even touch himself and has to clean up the juices afterwards.....OOOOOORRRRR vice versa, oh I just knowwwww Farleigh would be having a fit but high-key like it maybe RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH I NEED TO SPREAD MY POLY READER/JANN/FARLEIGH AGENDAAAAAA

hell, to spice it up even more throw Kai in there, he's the ultra king of freaky fucks out of all of archie's characters to me so I have a feeling the whole thing would have him in freak paradise me thinks 😼😼😼

im officially combusting juniperhasfallen i fear you are a freaking genius cuz all your ideas in my inbox are nothing short of absolute deliciousness WAAARRRBBRRHRHRH. oh how i love making all of them my sub cuz they be suubbbyyyy

warnings: 18+, porn w/o plot, no protection (which is very unethical in this situation), three foursome, p in v, sub!/dom! farleigh, sub!jann, sub!/dom! kai, blowjobs, cum eating, reverse cowgirl, m! masturbation, creampie, teabagging, men whimpering, whining, crying, edging, overstimulating, ruined orgasms, cuckolding, cumshots, cuffing

a/n: well isn’t this interesting

GET THIS. we all know how farleigh is willing to fuck basically anyone. and jann, is by default the sweetest sub known to mankind. but when you brought up the idea to farleigh he secretly got excited but pretended to hate it cuz he thinks jann’s a loser. also because he’s lowkey jealous with how sweet you are with jann. farleigh ofcourse had to get his turn first with you, making jann sit in the cuck sofa in the corner, forcing jann to watch you play with his cock at the edge of the bed, his arms propped against the mattress with his thighs spread far apart. farleigh wants to be all whimpery and whining while you tease the sensitive tip of his cock but when he remembers that jann’s watching, he contains his moans cuz it would be embarrassing. while jann sits pretty in the chair naked with his hard cock out, tip red and leaking with the vein on the side bulging prominently, farleigh makes sure that he watches with his hands obediently on the armrests, no touching allowed. eventho farleigh’s literally getting fucked over by you, his cock twitching and precum trickling down his length into your hands, he still manages to be an asshole towards jann who’s watching, saying things like “dont you dare look away racer boy, keep your fucking hands to yourself” farleigh’s just spewing mean orders to jann, who suprisingly, obeys whatever farleigh says.

jann aches to fist his length with his hands at the view of you bouncing on another huge cock but he has to behave, because you’re praising them both while farleigh is in you, telling jann how good of a boy he’s being just sitting there obediently, and how pretty he looks, and reminding him how good boys get rewarded. jann refuses to jeopardise his chance at an orgasm even though he’s close to cumming undone from cucking you and farleigh. he doesn’t want to end up being overstimulated like him, being edged over and over again by you, being stripped off from his orgasm repeatedly that his balls are starting to turn purple. farleigh’s whining, begging you to let him cum, his hips desperately bucking but still, he’s running his mouth at jann. “fuck—, you okay over there, mngh ? you’re so hard man, it’s pathetic” which gets him another ruined orgasm from you, for being mean to jann. guess he just couldn’t help it. jann is quiet, maybe too fucked with how hard he’s bucking his hips into thin air, desperate for some sort of relieve for his rock hard cock, bending towards his navel. every time farleigh would humiliate him with his words, jann would whine, tears threatening to spill from his pretty eyes. his balls are tight, full of cum, rubbing against the fabric of the sofa. “please—oh, please farleigh let me have her” being one of jann’s pleads amongst others that came out incoherent, sounding more like blabbers from how lightheaded he is, only for farleigh to respond with “shut your mouth”. at times farleigh would receive a slap across his face, as you put him back in his place. you would think that’ll shut him up but no, he’d let out a loud moan, enjoying being slapped that you can feel his cock twitch. jann almost cums when you’re cumming for the second time on farleigh’s cock, all while ruining his orgasm for the ninth time.

farleigh’s now crying from blue balls, his tip leaking so much precum, his hand desperately grabbing at your waist to aid the intense aching on his crotch, another hand over his quivering lips, his eyes red with droplets of tear clinging onto his long lashes. eventho he’s in that state, his mouth is still spewing humiliation towards jann, only to whimper again from you overstimulating him. “stop, stop- stop, stop please” farleigh would beg, shutting his eyes as you edge him over another waves of pleasure, only to rip it away again. you’d kiss down his body from his jaws, making sure to spend extra time licking at his nipple, feeling yet another orgasm coming from farleigh from his twitching cock. you bite at his nipple slightly harder before quickly getting up from his cock for it to instantly slap against his lower belly before ropes of cum squirts out of his raging red tip, so much of it landing all over his body, some even getting on his lips. he’s crying, hips bucking from the overstimulation, as you hear jann mutters a low “fuck—“. catching your breath, you smile at farleigh in his fucked up state, he’s too hazy to say anything to jann now, only being able to blabber strings of thankyou’s to you for letting him cum this time. while you watch him come down from his cries, your fingers trace small hearts with his cum on his chest, giggling at his limp twitching cock in front of your pussy. when you turn your head over to jann, he looks like a madman, having just watched his girlfriend fucking another huge cock that’s not his, all while he’s forced to keep his hands to himself by a brat he doesn’t even know why he’s obeying.

when you get up from farleigh to walk over and kneel before jann, your fingers carefully grazing over the length, an immediate spurt of cum shooting onto your face. you look up to jann who’s breathing hard, he just can’t keep it anymore, cumming with just a slight touch from your hand. you help him ride out his orgasm, though not as satisfying as he would hope for, atleast he finally gets to be touched by you. you continue to milk his cock, popping his balls into your mouth before sucking on them, slobbering saliva all over the skin. now that he’s allowed to touch himself, he’s tugging on his shaft while you suck on his balls, swirling your tongue over the soft mounds. he’s occasionally bumping his knuckles over your forehead from how hard he’s jerking his cock off. flattening your tongue over his balls, you grab his hand away before dragging your tongue from the underside of his balls to the head of his cock, finishing off with a suckle on his tip, swallowing the drops of cum decorating his cock, before pushing your head down to throat his length. the way you reward him is the exact reason he’ll always behave, because good boys get rewarded. and jann loves delayed gratification. “having fun, racer boy ?” you hear farleigh chirp from his place, sprawled out on the mattress, too fucked out from his turn before. “come here farleigh” you order, earning an eyeroll from him. “i said— come here”. you get up to meet farleigh halfway at the edge of the bed, climbing over him before grabbing his jaw to kiss him, giving him a taste of jann’s cum. he’s moaning at the taste, fingers kneading at the soft flesh of your waist. jann is breathing hard, his chest heaving covered in sweat.

how would i add kai in this mix you may ask ? while you’re fucking yourself on jann’s cock, farleigh submits to kai who’s also been watching the whole time, except he’s fully clothed in that navy blue shirt with his hands cuffed to the railing in the wardrobe. farleigh’s sucking him off, kneeling over him having to take it all with his hands over his head, depraved from the satisfaction of pulling at farleigh’s tight curls. wet sounds bouncing off the walls of the room pornographically, the four of you moaning against each other’s touch. jann is fucking into you reverse cowgirl, so you’d be able to watch kai getting a blowjob from farleigh, who looks like he’s having the time of his life. just as you can tell that kai is close, you tell farleigh to swallow most of it, keeping some on his tongue to bring it over to you, before spitting it into your mouth. he’s hard again, so you let him stand beside the chair and fuck your mouth while jann’s chases his orgasm, rapidly thrusting into your cunt. as you’re taking both farleigh and jann’s cock, kai is left still hanging on the railing, his cock limp with stickiness dripping from the tip onto the floor. he’s groaning, his knees threatening to give up yet his eyes couldn’t get off the view of you getting fucked by two cocks at once. “kai, baby- you wanna join ?” you deliriously ask with half lidded eyes, not even knowing where to fit him in the position. maybe after jann finish fucking his load into you, you make him get up and uncuff kai, plopping him onto the bed to ride him into oblivion.

and when you decide you’re done with all of them, they’re all gonna have to lie on the bed, cuddling with each other <3 who knows ? maybe kofun or ivo can join next time

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talekinesis · 30 days ago

Text

Reasons I will not Accept Umbrella Academy Season 4 as Canon (major spoilers)

I wanna preface this with: This is just my personal opinion, I am not telling anyone how they should or shouldn't feel. If you liked season 4, that is wonderful for you, I wish I could say the same

These two. I do not like their little romantic side plot at all for a multitude of reasons

I know Five's consciousness is like 68, I know he's technically an old man, but his body is around 19 years old, and Lila knew him while his body was still 13 so it just feels weird

I cannot imagine being in my 30s, married with children and being in love with someone who looks like they're 19, and yes, I know 7 years alone will do numbers on someone's mind, but still

throughout their whole little love montage, I was just begging, "Please let this just be a wholesome friend thing, please let this just be a cute, close sibling like dynamic- FUCK ME, THEYRE KISSING!?"

Also Five wasn't even good to her, he lied about the book at first and just made the decision for her that she'd stay with him in that timeline forever. And yes I know he eventually told her, but even after that he kept trying to convince her to just abandon her husband, children, and family because "You're happy here." Diego and Lila have their own issues, sure, but he's still the much better option and wouldn't have tried to trap her like that.

Season 4 Five just feels.. off, he feels wrong. Bring back his little shorts and old man vests when he was in 'retirement.' Bring back the Five that went on a road trip with Klaus because he wanted to see things like the world's biggest ball of yarn or whatever it was, I don't like this Five who tries to trap a married mother in an alternate dimension with him

THE CLEANSE

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

YOU'RE GONNA SIT THERE AND TELL ME NONE OF THEM MAKE IT??

"Oh Talon, there can't always be happy endings, some endings are sad too," and I GET THAT!! But that doesn't mean I can't still pout about it >:(

I will sit here with a pouty lip and arms crossed for all eternity /ref

It just felt like a kick to the gut for the show to be like, "Oh and they ceased to exist, they were never born, none of this technically ever happened, and no one remembered or missed them. They saved the world, the timeline, and no one will ever remember them for it because it technically didn't actually happen to begin with," fuck you

These characters we got so attached to, these plots that we got so invested in, you can't just tell me, "Also they technically never happened because they were never born," what the hell??

So you know what?? No. I don't accept s4 as real. Just like the cleanse, it never happened. As far as I'm concerned, the story ended at s3, everyone is alive and well, they don't have their powers, and they all went their separate ways.

Viktor is still running a bar in Canada with his friends

Allison is still a happy mother to Claire

Luther is living in the mansion married to Sloane

Diego is still learning to be a parent with Lila

Five is in much needed therapy and in college reclaiming a young adulthood life he never had

Klaus is still sober and going strong, probably working at a café, he's someone's favorite barista and they have conversations

Ben is living in South Korea (where google said he was at the end of s3) and he still keeps in contact with Klaus and Viktor

#taltalks #tua spoilers #tua s4 #tua season 4 #tua #the umbrella academy #umbrella acedmy

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 5 months ago

Text

Leader of the Pack 2

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: On a night out at the bar, you’re promoted from wing woman to main star.

Characters: James Conrad, short!reader

Note: I'm Canadian so I get a three day weekend.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Asking for more or putting ‘part 2?’ is not feedback.

Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖

“I defer to you,” James says as Sy grumbles over a near miss. “Call it.”

You look at the table. Oh, right. Only the eight ball left. You examine the felt and consider every angle. It’s well out of your skill range.

“I can’t...”

“Certainly, you can,” he insists blithely, “I’ve no doubt.”

You frown with tight lips, “don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

You walk around the table, one way, then the other, and back again. Sy lets out a deep sigh of irritation as Martyna giggles into her glass. How many drinks has she had? You resign yourself to failure and approach the trim.

“Right corner,” you declare, though it is more murmur.

You shift back and forth, trying to get the angle right. You squeeze the cue tight until your knuckles hurt. You loosen up as you glance away from the felt and your eyes meet James’. He shows no sign of anxiety. He simply watches. Patient.

You open your dry lips and blow out between them. You narrow your sights on the ball and pull back. You bring your back hand forward and the tip sends the cue ball spinning. You look away before it can bounce the eight ball off the edge.

You back up with your cue and cling to it, the butt to the floor.

“Aha,” James exclaims as Sy groans, “victory.”

“Huh?” You blink and look at the table as the white ball rolls away from the corner pocket, the black ball gone.

“Whatever,” Sy growls, “need a girl to fight your battles.”

“Don’t be a poor sport,” James chides playfully. He gets only a growl in response. “What say you all to another match?”

“Mm,” Martyna hums as the ice clinks in her glass, “I need a drink.”

“Me too,” Sy agrees as he puts his cue in the wall rack, “what’re you drinking?”

He takes her cue and places it away with his own. She grins and gives her order before following him away. She leaves you alone at the table with the other man. Barely more than a stranger, even if you know his name.

You sway awkwardly and look around. Maybe you could distract him by losing to him. You glance at the table and try to piece together the suggestion.

“And you? Would you like a drink?” He offers before you can summon your voice.

“Oh, uh,” your lashes flick. “I don’t really... drink.”

“Perhaps a sparkling water?” He suggests and offers wordlessly to take your cue, “we should let some others have a go. I’d hate to live on the felt.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

You hand over your cue and watch him take both to the rack. He secures them then turns back, strutting over to you. The coned glass shade casts a glint in his eyes and nicely limns his features. You’re all too aware of how mismatched you are. Where he is confident and handsome, you’re reticent and plain. Boring, if you do say yourself.

“Come,” he beckons you toward the bar as he trails behind you.

You lead the way ahead of him, through the bodies waiting for their own drinks, and you stop before a tall stool. He gestures over your head and calls the bartender by name, “Curt.”

The man finishes up the order and takes a bill in return before he nears your side of the bar. He greets the other man with a subtle nod, “pint?”

“Yes, and whatever the lady prefers,” James says.

The bartender only notices you then, tilting his chin down to see you. You give a sheepish grin. You don’t often order more than water.

“Ginger ale, please?” You request.

“All I got is organic ginger beer. It’s spicy,” he replies.

“Sure, thanks,” you agree easily. You hate to trouble him or the man who’s kindly offered to buy you a drink.

You’ve done this before. You bear through the awkwardness of the courtesy until you see Martyna has her catch of the night. Then you find a way to excuse yourself and the men never seem to mind. They're already scoping out someone else.

The bartender uncaps the dark green bottle of ginger beer and places it on the bar. Then he fills a tall pint of golden beer and sets it next to the non-alcoholic beverage. James takes both and bids you to ‘come’. You do as he says. You’re not sure what else to do.

He leads you to a table and you peer around. You see Sy and Martyna. He has her penned in by the wall as they speak closely and nurse their drinks. You sit as James puts your drink before you. You face him and wonder for a moment how he got his fare for free. He never paid. He probably has a tab, he seems to know this place well.

“You don’t come here often,” he states, not asks.

You nod, “I’m not much for... bars, but Martyna likes them.”

You put your hand on the bottle and turn it slowly. His eyes follow the movement of your fingers for a moment before they return to your face. You save yourself from talking and take a sip of the ginger beer. It is rather spicy.

“I wouldn’t figure you the type. In the best way possible,” he chuckles softly, “this isn’t the place for nice girls.”

Nice girls. Boring girls. You know what he means.

“Yeah...” you agree flatly.

“You from the city or visiting?” He asks.

It’s small talk. He’s filling the air. He’s playing his part. Keep the other one distracted while his buddy seals the deal. You get it. It’s torturous.

“From here. Live here,” you shrug.

“Right,” he nods, “in this neighbourhood?”

“South east,” you say.

“Ah, not very far,” he muses and tastes his beer. You stare at the table. You’re tired and slightly embarrassed. You appreciate him being so nice but you know it’s not genuine.

“You know,” you examine the label on the bottle, “you don’t have to sit with me. I can just go,” you glance over at Sy and Martyna as they lock lips, “looks like they’re getting along so--”

“Pardon?” He cranes to see over his shoulder, hooking his arm behind the chair so his bicep bulges and his bluish grey tee strains across his chest, “no,” he turns back, “I... that isn’t-- unless you want me to go away.”

You swallow. You drink again, just to wet your dry tongue.

“Sorry, I just thought... usually...” you cringe and snap your mouth shut. You shake your head.

“I’m intrigued, it has nothing to do with anyone else,” he brings both elbows to the table and leans forward. “I see a lot of types come through here but you... you’re different.”

You crinkle your brow and look down. Your slate gray pants with the barely discernible plaid pattern sewn into them and your stuffy turtleneck under the crocheted vest don’t really fit. You’re all too aware of how you stick out. You let go of the bottle and drag your hands down to your lap, picking at the tip of your thumbnail.

“Like I said, I’m not really a drinker. It’s Mart,” you sniff.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way. Truly,” he keeps his attention on you, “did you make the vest yourself? I like the roses.”

“N-no, my grandma...” you once more scald in humiliation. With each word, you just stamp in his first impression.

“You’re close with her?” He intones.

You look at him. His eyes make you want to melt into the chair. He isn’t like the other men you’ve sat in purgatory with. He isn’t looking around at anyone else. In fact, his intent stare makes you squirm.

“Yeah, I try to visit,” you clear your throat and shift in the chair, nervously running your fingernails in a ridge of the ribbed sleeve of your turtleneck, “I’m boring. What do you do?”

He chuckles, “talk about boring. Trust me, I’m not very exciting. I want to know about you.”

His intensity makes you want to fan yourself.

“Just a bookkeeper,” you answer.

“Ah, a very useful occupation.” he praises.

Boring, you want to say again. Just like everything about your life. You look at the ginger beer and frown.

“You don’t like your drink?” He suggests. He’s attentive to the point of discomfort.

“It’s fine, I just... different,” you utter.

“Who do you bookkeep for?” He asks.

You give pause. He asks a lot of questions. Maybe you’re just not used to that much interest, but it feels like a bit much. How would you know? You see Martyna and the men she associates with. They look at her the same way. It could just be that he really is into you.

“A publisher. There’s a few of us.”

“Hm, yes, there would be,” he hums, “think I might know the book house.”

“Uh, yeah,” you give half a smile. Everyone knows the publishing company; it’s the core of the city’s economy.

“I’m rather a fan of their mysteries,” he says. “Have you read--”

“Conrad,” a drunken slur interrupts him and James sits back to look up at the other man. Sy’s eyes are half-glazed as Martyna clings to his arm, “we’re headed out.”

“Ah, yes,” James checks his watch, “it is rather late.” He turns his attention to you, “shall we?”

You look between them. Martyna bats her lashes at you drunken and tweaks her brow. You’re all leaving. Together?

“I’m afraid he’s crashing at my place, he had some issue with his pipes,” James explains, “so I’m afraid I’ll need to let him in like a stray cat.”

“Hmph,” Sy growls but is quickly distracted by Martyna’s hand rubbing his chest.

This is strange. It’s never been like this before. Maybe it’s better that you stay close to Martyna to make sure she’s okay. Usually, she tells you to go. She calls you a cock block. She isn’t wrong. You don’t exactly inspire lust.

“Right, yeah,” you stand and hit the table as the chair is heavier than you expect and traps you.

The ginger beer wobbles and clatters onto its side, sending a foamy wash across your middle. You quickly pick it up and set it right but it’s too late. You’re mortified.

“Ah, pity,” James remarks, “Sy,” he looks at the other man, “fetch us a cab, I’ll get something to clean up from the barkeep.”

“Don’t drag your ass,” Sy warns.

James doesn’t acknowledge the warning, striding over to the bar and speaking briefly with the man behind it. You stand in the damp mess as Martyna purrs at the other man before he leads her out. James returns and offers a dish cloth.

“How unfortunate,” he remarks as you accept the cloth.

“Yeah, I... it’s my fault. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“I hope it doesn’t stain your vest,” he says.

You shrug, “it’s fine.”

“Yes, but your grandmother put such hard work into it.”

You dab at the moisture and look up at him. You can’t tell if he’s mocking you. Your lips slant and you focus on sopping up the ginger beer.

“I wasn’t... wasn’t making fun,” he says, “if it came across--”

“No, no, I didn’t think so,” you lie. You do what you can and ball up the cloth, “I’ll bring this back. Maybe I should just meet you outside.”

“I will wait,” he assures, “I am a gentleman after all.”

#james conrad #dark james conrad #dark!james conrad #james conrad x reader #series #leader of the pack #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #kong: skull island

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vixstarria · 9 months ago

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You know what I just realized? Astarion’s unending hunger for blood got replaced with unending hunger for power if he ascends. He absolutely has no need for Cazador’s palace or political connections now that he can travel in the sun, but he’s so obsessed with protecting himself he happily takes up residence in his abuser’s home, despite all the terrible memories in it because it’s perfect for a power grab.

Essentially.

Tbh I'm a bit surprised to find this in my inbox as I don't think I've really said anything on the Spawn vs Ascended Astarion route. Ultimately, it's all pixels and people can do whatever they want with them.

But, hey, sure, here's a little rant under the cut.

My biggest gripe with Ascended Astarion isn't even that he's evil, or that he may be in any way mistreating Tav, or that he's power hungry, or any of the other usual complaints people have about him.

It's that he's simply boring.

You start off with this theatrical goofball, who is also an evil little shit, sure, but a hilarious one, who's terrified and riddled with trauma, and who just wants to experience simple joys and be safe and autonomous again.

Spawn ending - what does Astarion do? Well, anything he bloody wants to, really. Look at some of @spacebarbarianweird's headcanons for examples. Maybe he's an adventurer, maybe he's leading a quiet life running a shop, maybe he's a pirate, maybe he's a dragon rider, maybe he's in the Underdark, maybe he's somewhere on the astral plane. Maybe he's got kids. Maybe he found a cure for vampirism. Maybe he found a way to walk in the sun with an artifact. (I would add that maybe he's gathering a 7,000-strong vampire army in the Underdark and trying his hand at taking over the world as a spawn after all, but we know he can't plan that well)

He's charismatic. He's loving. And he's still the little shit you initially fell in love with.

Meanwhile, what's Ascended Astarion doing up in his castle?

Paperwork.

Dealing with bureaucrats.

Hosting occasional balls for people he despises, where he sits on his throne stroking his comically overinflated ego. In the very same castle that he just spent 200 years wishing to escape.

I just don't understand the appeal.

The archetype is essentially that of a corrupt politician or a ruthless head of a corporation. It's lacking in empathy and completely void of any positive emotions. Power and money for the sake of power and money. This is not the type of character I find appealing or compelling whatsoever, whether in fiction or real life.

"Oh, but you're giving him what he really wants if you ascend him!"

You just turned your favourite character into a bland, heartless megalomaniac, trapping him just as much as the blood craving and sun vulnerability would have, if not more. 🤷‍♀️

P.S. Ironically, some of my favourite fanfics actually happen to be Ascended Astarion fics, so no, he doesn't have to be boring. The above picture is a summary of what is implied by the game, together with the general gist of most AA fics I've seen.

#asks #vix musings #astarion #ascended astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

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gleefullypolin · 5 months ago

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My top 10 ships

I haven't done this in forever, and I was bored and didn't feel like working so.....felt like an appropriate thing to do instead.

My top 10 ships!

#1 Polin - Bridgerton

Did you really anticipate anyone else being at my top spot? Friends to lovers....Swoon! They have my heart, soul, and life. I literally love a girl who knows what she wants and a man who loves the fuck out of her like no other so this is like porn and comfort. Give me everything tonight and more!

#2 Captain Swan - OUAT

If you aren't going to give me friends to lovers, I'll move over to Enemies and find my kind because holy hot out of hell, there is nothing better than Captain Hook and his smolder winning over Emma Swan. Fuck that man can burn! Years after that show ended and I can still sit in them and ruminate and catch myself on fire.

#3 Clois - Smallville

There have been a lot of different Lois and Clark's out there, but none have been Erica Durance and Tom Welling. I've never been so happy and angry with a show in all my life. I used to wish so much against Lana Lang that I am embarrassed my own behavior. But I truly loved the banter and way these two brought these characters to live. It was marvelous.

#4 Reylo - Star Wars

Being a Reylo shipper was like being sentenced to death and hell all at the same time for many years. We were bullied, tortured, shat on, and then given everything we wanted in 30 seconds only for them to fucking KILL HIM after a sacrifice. I have never both smiled, cried, and then curled into a ball in a theater so quickly that I wanted to die before. Even my family ridiculed me. It was torture but I still live there. I still ship it and you cannot make me stop!!

#5 Fitzsimmons - Agents of Shield

The brilliant science couple put through so much that even they thought they were cursed. Pushed to find each other across time and space, kidnapped into a matrix, forced to fight one another, half the couple killed, duplicate versions of themselves, but champions of the hug, star crossed and so full of love. Friends to lovers, he fell first, she fell harder and GOD I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOR!

#6 Starpollo - Battlestar Galactica

A couple who knew how to tear out my heart, throw it to the ground, and then trample it with their feet to ashes. While Lee and Kara were not destined to end up together, they damn sure made it hard not to want them to find a way. They truly loved each other more than anyone they were with in the show, but guilt always found a way to fuck that up for them. God it hurt to love you two.

#7 Romanogers - Marvel Universe

Let's talk crack ships because oh how they break your heart. But it is glorious. This one is mine. I will forever love Nat and Steve and I will live in the space and time that they were on the road together living their lives without a banner. Because you can't tell me what they got up to! I refuse to believe you! But let's not talk about how it all ended because my heart still hurts and I don't like to talk about it!

#8 Finchel - Glee

Since I'm already ripping my heart out, let's go all the way with it. Finchel has always been that ship that tears my heart to shreds. I was all in from the characters to the actors and I'll never honestly get over it. I'll probably always bleed Finn and Rachel, Cory and Lea. And I'll never be able to talk about it to normal people. It was something I lived, breathed, and honestly part of me died with. So I think that's enough of that.

#9 Caryl - The Walking Dead

You can call this whatever it is, some say crack ship, I say...otherwise. It's my ship of ships for TWD. It's my coming home ship. Because that's what they are to each other. They are love. No one tell me otherwise, I live there, I love there. So do they. Deal with it.

#10 Roschel - Friends

Look, say what you want, but I stayed home on Thursday nights just to watch whether they would or wouldn't. Nothing grabbed me like these two. They were lobsters, they were on a break, I didn't give a fuck what it was, only that they had me in a chokehold and that's what I realized what shipping was. Because dammit, I wanted whatever feeling it was. And thus the 9 people above because the passion I sought. So bless it, they needed to be here.

And there you have it, my top 10 ships! Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to add your own :)

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elizabeth-mitchells · 3 months ago

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feeling bored so... what do you think an adult laura lee would be like? (and who would you cast to play her?)

OH I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED

literally just the other day i was looking back on some of the answers people gave me when i asked who would they cast as adult laura lee. including: sarah michelle gellar, diane krueger, laura dern, kristen bell, kirsten dunst... BUT the absolute #1 winner in my heart is 100% Elizabeth Mitchell. i mean look at her. the laura lee's style dress and the lottie's cult's colors...

now what would adult laura lee be like...

well i'm happy to consider all the options! i've mentioned before that it could go in very different ways if she had survived. after the rescue she could've 1. entered extreme denial about all she did and turned more obsessively religious to make up for it 2. stayed obsessively religious but for the wilderness (and lottie) which she never let go of 3. ✨ a middle ground ✨ or more!

personally, realistically, i think the middle ground would be something like... she wouldn't completely let go of her faith (catholic, christian, whatever) because it was so important to her and key to her character, but it would definitely change. her god abandoned them in the wilderness and let them do all those unforgivable things... but i think her post-rescue healing process would center around making peace with that and finding her middle ground. i can picture her joining one of those churches that are like liberal and very pro-lgbt and stuff. BUT i'm so sure she would never completely let go of their weird wilderness religion and her belief that lottie was touched by the holy spirit, that she had gift, that she was something like a saint

a lot of people love to paint laura lee as a boring character, bible thumping, goody two shoes, innocent and pure, but that goes against so many things we see from her. standing up against figures of authority and even controlling the group (making them pray, standing up against coach, jackie, nat, coach again, making them pray again, making fun of nat and travis and travis again) she had the balls to try to exorcise lottie and to fly a plane. do you know what she would be like as an adult after she'd had to go through all the brutal things they did to survive in the wilderness??

i think she obviously wouldn't lose her best traits. i think she would stay sweet and she would be even kinder to people because she knows how difficult it is to survive and she would love to help others (and fight anyone that tried to make other people's lives more difficult than they need to be) but she's stay brave, stubborn, true to her values and beliefs, and very much learn to stand up for herself and never let anyone laugh at her expense again

also she would be a lesbian. she would 100% be a lesbian

(she's married to lottie)

(she's her right hand woman managing the not-a-cult and she's at once nicer and more approachable but also more strict than sexy prophet lottie)

#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING #i've been dying to write more about adult laura lee and this gave me some inspiration!!#especially the last few things #yellowjackets #laura lee #lottielee #answered #enbyjinx

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adhdtsukasa · 2 months ago

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totally not what i intended to post today but also whatever, we ball. pinocchiop is my favorite vocap and i'm very autistic about both him and wxs, so, to honor the song campaign clues that we got today, allow me to present to you the reincarnation apple wxs cover line distribution i did some time ago — and why, in my humble opinion, it fits wxs much more than it fits niigo,

(the lyrics where the color changes each word are where the characters both sing at the same time but my notes app doesn't have the option to do a gradient)

i'm in no way expecting it to be an official line distribution because i did it based on my personal interpretation of the lyrics — and i feel like dedicating almost a whole big part of the song to each member might mess up with the game cut, but i also really would like to see them have solos of those parts — but they're here to help me explain my point better my point. so!

what i like about wandasho covers is that they are performers — and it should give them more creative liberty when it comes to their covers. that's why the reincarnation in this song could be simply treated as them getting into roles, reliving countless lives as actors. even though the accuracy of the lines sung is always nicely welcomed, the covers don't have to always be 100% fitting. and that's fine. especially in wxs' case, because that is a yet another story that they want to tell us.

people often say that the storyline fits niigo but i... don't see it at all? i mean, yeah, ena as the artist and kanade as the savior, that much is obvious (and i guess you could also say that mizuki as a revolutionary, but that is kind of a reach?). but what about the part describing the inventor that matches rui's backstory so well? what if you put main story tsukasa in the artist's place and draw the similiarities? what if you think about emu as the savior, comparing the savior's unconditional love to her wanting to save wonder stage and make everyone smile? the only match that doesn't fit quite well is nene and the revolutionary, but you can't have anything i guess. and then the adventurer part, which is a call back to the our happy ending set (i set out in search of an ideal — emu deciding to go with wxs in order to expand her knowledge and horizons) (and then you know, the end has come with the reincarnation apple)... and then lines like i'm not smart enough and i don't have a great cause could resonate with how people viewed emu and rui in the past.

"oh but isn't the start of the song a bit too dark and depressing for it to be a wxs cover?" kami no manimani starts in a similiar way and yet it still is a wxs cover.

and, putting lyrics aside, it just doesn't feel like a niigo song from the instrumental alone. i'm not a music expert so i don't have strong arguments for it, but for me it sounds absolutely like a wxs song. it even reminds me of sekahaji in a way.

does that mean you're in the wrong for wanting niigo to cover it? nope! i just simply want to explain why it fits. and i don't want people to complain that it doesn't make sense for it to end up as a wxs cover. because i will cry.

tldr: reincarnation as a metaphore for acting save me

#YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HAPPY I ACTUALLY AM THAT IT'S WXS COVER. LIKE. GENUINELY.#i was advocating for wxs tensei ringo FOREVER and it was so hard to do in the society that believes in a niigo cover #people are still saying that it could end up as a niigo cover but like? they always tease anni covers in the unit order don't they?#besides come on you all HATED on godish. their presumable shadow shadow will sound much better than tensei ringo would pretty sure.#ri says things the tag #it's very messy i know. didn't expect to post it today and i didn't have time to prepare.#but i talked with my friend about it and went fuck it we ball. i am going to defend the cover choice with my whole heart.#wonderlands x showtime #tsukasa tenma #emu otori #nene kusanagi #rui kamishiro #project sekai #pjsk #prsk #I GOT SO EXCITED ABOUT IT THAT I FORGOT TO ADD THE ACTUAL TAGS??

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spaceorphan18 · 2 months ago

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The Lady Whistledown Papers : 1x08 After The Rain (Part 3)

Welcome back, Gentle Readers, to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

The Hastings Ball

It's time for Simon and Daphne's ball. You know what I noticed? Every single woman who is there is wearing some shade of blue. Was there a memo about that? And why couldn't they get that memo to the Featheringtons, who really stand out. Also - we get the return of my true favorite ship of this show -- Phillipa and Albion! :D

And, I would be remiss if I didn't mention - Penelope walks down the stairs with a little bit of a spring in her step, their family is back. But, it's a little like Portia who has a whole lotta FU energy towards the women who are like, wait, why are you here again? Oh you were personally invited by the duchess?? Oh, okay.

Colin (with Benedict - I'm amused that these two are always together when their plot lines don't need them) strolls in fashionably late (or whatever). And what's the first thing he does? Oh, right, looks for Penelope.

These two really define the whole -- and their eyes met across the crowded room -- trope. They're always so drawn together.

The body language in the next beat is really interesting though. Pen has this butterflies in the stomach moment -- as if it's too much that he's looking at her, so she has to look down. And yet, Colin's got determination in his eyes. Oh yes, there's my person, I need to talk to her immediately.

Everything is awkward for a moment. While Penelope did show up at the Bridgerton's drawing room the other day, her time was probably most spent with Eloise. Meaning the the two of them probably haven't been able to have a proper conversation since the ridiculous Bridgerton/Featherington dinner in episode 6 (which feels like eons ago at this point).

He asks if she's enjoying her evening, to which she stumbles and claims she's been so busy dancing... and he's so confused. He hasn't seen her. Subtly implying that he has been looking for her, or would have totally noticed if she had been on the dancefloor. Penelope trying to play it cool and utterly failing is always so good. (This season isn't the rom-com Season 3 will be, but the building blocks of it are here.)

Colin spits out what he's been meaning to say -- that he owes her an apology because he recognizes that she was only trying to help him when it came to the Marina situation. And he almost has this look of humiliation when he says that he was being foolish -- reiterating the phrase that Anthony had called him.

And Penelope takes in a breath, almost as if in disbelief that someone is apologizing to her. But not only apologizing to her but recognizing that she was trying to help him. It's deeply meaningful to her.

But then when he gets into the self-deprecation, she pulls him out of it. She pulls him out of it with a thought that she believes with her full heart, and we get a moment of Penelope being open and vulnerable and honest in a way that she isn't usually.

You were not a fool. You merely believed yourself in love. One should never apologize for that. One finds oneself in such an incredible position and, well, one should declare it; assuredly, fervently, loudly.

This is such a beautiful thing to say -- and it's Penelope really building her confidence, reading his reactions, and feeling like maybe this is her moment. Maybe she should be open (to him) about how she feels. Because she feels so grounded in her love for him. It's the most real and positive thing in her life. And she wants to -- she recognizes that he is a romantic, like her, and maybe, just maybe, he won't turn her down.

His face is fascinating -- the non-verbal thought process going on is fantastic. He's taken aback by her statement at first. Here -- everyone else was calling him ridiculous for having such strong feelings for Marina and Penelope is the only one who not only doesn't think he was an idiot for his actions, but feels the way he does about it -- that love and romance are a special and valuable thing, and it's okay to go all in if that's how you feel about it.

But then, at the end, there's this look of admiration from him to her. Like, he's really hearing her, and her words, and just adores for saying it. Her words are grounding for him, too.

And that's why these two work well together. They're mutually uplifting of each other, supportive of each other, and won't let the other slide into their own insecurities. They both see each other in the way they want to be seen. In the way that no one else is really looking. And this is Season 1! This is the foundation for the relationship they're going to have moving forward.

Oh and then the misdirect... And I kind of love this heightened moment.

Penelope, for a moment, is secure with herself. She's secure in her feelings, and proud - proud of him, proud of her love for him, and for a moment, she feels like she can safely tell him her deepest secret. And he says (because oh this running joke starts here...) that he has something to tell her, too. And for a second, she thinks he might feel the same way! And then... he says he's leaving.

And... I need to take a second and talk about the scoring of the moment. It's perfect. The music has been swelling up and down during the scene, building the tension until that very second when you think he may just say he cares for her back and.... he says he's leaving. And the music stops. Just... hits the moment with silence. And it's so wonderfully done. Whoever did the sound mixing for this moment - A+ all the awards brilliant.

And Penelope just deflates. It's good, really, that she didn't say how she feels. He isn't in that mindset at the moment, and still has some Marina issues to work out. And, at this point, I think he still thinks of her as another sister -- like Eloise. They're friends, but in a familial way -- and it's really Season 2 (and him leaving) that's going to grow the friendship to something more, so now isn't the best time.

But he's so excited to tell her. Because she is the one who inspired him. We did see one moment where she reminds him how much he talks about travel, and we can only assume that isn't the only moment where that happened. Surely, during the whole courting Marina thing, Penelope probably brought it up a lot. Well, that kind of bites her in the butt.

And, we're coming back to Colin and traveling. And, again, I do think - for genuine reasons of wanting to see the world, he does have an adventurous spirit. But I also think he travels for two major reasons -- wanting to figure his shit out (he is always searching for something -- and you dolt, she standing right in front of you) and he's always trying to escape something (and in this case it's the whole Marina thing, and his lingering feelings about it).

Him leaving, though, is somewhat devastating for Penelope. She can't even revel in the fact she's had such a positive impact on him. He's leaving and he won't be there to help her through the misery of her life and there's the very real possibility that once he's gone, he won't be coming back. And this is too much. She can barely pull herself together.

And then he asks her what she wanted to say -- but the moment has passed, and she has receded back into herself. There will be no love declarations today, thank you.

He then, so casually, so routinely, asks her to dance. And I like that it's not out of obligation, or pity (or anything else from the book :P) -- it's out of a genuine desire of wanting to spend more time with her. Because he does value you her, quite a lot.

And... we're going to get a reoccurring theme -- one where Penelope runs off upset and Colin is utterly confused not only by her feelings, but by his own. Why is she upset? Why is she running away? I really wanted to dance with you Pen. What did I do? Why am I sad she doesn't want to spend more time with me - I like her. Oh, Colin, you poor, confused puppy.

And then Penelope runs from one heartache straight into another. Eloise is so excited about her Lady Whistledown hunt -- but Penelope is still on the verge of tears. I give Eloise a tad bit of credit for noticing Pen is upset. (The girl sure does wear her emotions on her sleeve.) But Penelope doesn't want to deal with that either -- and is like - have fun telling the Queen about Whistledown before scurrying out of there completely.

I have to note, however, that after this is when Eloise learns that there's a plot to unmask Whistledown, and because she was barred from talking to the Queen, Eloise takes it upon herself to warn LW about the plot.

We don't see Penelope in this scene, but she's in the carriage -- having run away, and having seen what she needed to for that ball, was ready with a new issue (which is funny - because she does miss the whole dancing in the rain thing). But just as the Queen's men are about to obtain her, Eloise shouts a warning, and the carriage is driven off, and Penelope's identity remains secret another day.

And, funny probably, but the whole - who is Lady Whistledown subplot is actually my favorite in Season 1. There's mystery and intrigue to it -- and it was easily the thing I was most fascinated by the first time I watched the show. (Sorry Daphne and Simon, you're just not my cup of tea.)

This is the only (somewhat) clear shot of Colin during the whole rain dance sequence. Near the Queen. That makes a ton of sense. Because of course, lol.

And, that's we're were going to end it for now! One more chunk of Season 1 to go! Whoo!

#bridgerton #polin #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #penelope bridgerton #colin x penelope #polination #the lady whistledown papers

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