#oh well ayrton and elio are

[christiangeistdorfer]

AYRTON SENNA, RICCARDO PATRESE & ELIO DE ANGELIS being interviewed at an airport before the 1985 SOUTH AFRICAN GRAND PRIX

[1337wtfomgbbq]

Ayrton: Hey, can you do me a favor?

Elio: Sorry, I have to go do literally anything other than this.

Ayrton: You don’t even have a legitimate reason?

Elio: Oh, no, I do.

Ayrton: Well, what is it?

Elio: You see, I simply don’t give a fuck.

[oultonparks]

You thought you were just sharing some Fernando hcs but it was actually a "Spell That Makes You Summon Nandofuckers"

Also facesitting + any of your fave classic F1 drivers <3

RIGHT. THERES SO MANY. ilu all but DAMN!! fhsdfksdg i struggled to narrow down my Faves, and the lengths do vary. but i loved this req so thank u!!

facesitting hcs ahoy! not telling u the drivers in advance. its a surprise 😇

jacques villeneuve

brat. loves when you sit on his face, but never fucking admits it. you mostly sit on it to shut him up.

not precise, but so enthusiastic it doesn't matter

wet, obscene noises - his chin is drenched with you and he's pulling you down on his face like he can't get enough (he can't).

pussydrunk. wants to stay there forever. moans while he eats you out.

could probably cum in his pants doing it, and probably has done so.

make him do it with his nerd glasses still on and watch them get all fogged up

elio de angelis

firstly: elio 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

we love him because you think, oh, he is nice and gentle and probably pretty submissive (:

but no. he's an aries. and italian. and also the 1981 black flag meltdown. and him trying to strangle ayrton senna when they were teammates. Yeah.

therefore, when you ask to sit on his face, warmth flushing high on your cheeks, you're also expecting him to be shyer about it

you aren't expecting his arms to wrap around your thighs, immediately pulling you down from your apprehensive hovering just over his mouth

you gasp his name in shock, a high-pitched squeak of "elio--!!" and you feel him laugh against your pussy

damon hill

dilf! dilf! dilf! dilf!

i am not immune to hilleneuve and would firstly like to float the idea of damon telling you to sit on jacques' face and bossing you both around a bit 👁 that is all on the hillneuve front. thank u.

otherwise, he's the one who suggests it

softly encouraging - doesn't pull you down like elio, but nudges and guides you with his hands on your hips

snarky (affectionate) comments about how he races an F1 car, you won't hurt him by doing this

slow and intimate, his thumbs rubbing small circles into your hips as you sigh out his name

tells you how well you did and how proud he is after you come on his face 🥰

[1337wtfomgbbq]

The squad is chilling.

Alain: But what if he shows up at my front door... with flowers.

Everybody: NOOO!

Elio: Hello!? What!? NO-ho! What the fuck dude!?

Nelson: If he shows up at your place one more time I'ma grill his balls.

Elio: What he says.

Nelson: We didn't even bully you half as bad as Ayrton did. Stay away from that fucker. I don't care what kinda weeds he gets you.

Alain: But the thing is. You don't know him the way I do.

Nelson laughs: Oh yeah! For sure.

Elio: *hysterical laughter *

Nelson: Based on what you told us I know him pretty damn well. Your crying made it hard to understand at times but I think I got the picture.

Alain: ... He also has a good side.

Nelson snorts: Yeah. For sure.

Elio: Would you suggest we date a guy like that. Would you wish for me to date a guy, like Ayrton! 😠

Alain:

Alain: ... Well... No... Not really...

Elio: And why not.

Nelson: Oh, Oh. Pick me. I know.

Alain: *groans *

Elio: Yes, Nelson.

Nelson: Because he's a nightmare.

Elio: We got a winner!

Alain: 😑

[1337wtfomgbbq]

Ayrton: And then I had one of those weird, crystallizing moments where everything becomes so clear. I mean, I should be relieved that Prost is retiring because that means less competition, right. But I'm not. I wish he would stay because...

Ayrton: I think I'm in love with him.

Nigel gasps.

Elio: Shut up!

Ayrton: Honestly, I think I hate him so much because I love him, you know. *hangs his head * Fuck, why do I love him.

Elio humms: Dude.

Ayrton: Anyway, I'm sorry for barging in so late. I hope I didn't interrupt anything.

Elio and Nigel, sitting on the couch with very obviously hastily thrown on clothes, both snort dismissively and wave him off.

Nigel: Actually, since I broke my foot Elio and I were discussing stuff we could do because I have to wear this damn cast for six months.

Elio showing Nigel the bird behind his back, Ayrton smiles to himself.

Nigel: First, we cut out everything that involves too much walking and stuff.

Ayrton: Yeah...

Nigel: Then Elio was like, what about swimming? And I'm like, swimming? Elio, you're diving way more than you're swimming do you expect me to just be swimming alone like some idiot.

Elio hits Nigel's arm, looking at Ayrton pretty obviously.

Nigel sighs: He knows I'm changing the subject so that he doesn't feel bad.

Nigel gets up and walks over to Ayrton and hugs him. Though he also whispers something into his ear.

Ayrton: No.

Nigel walks off.

Elio: What did he ask you?

Ayrton: Oh, he just wanted to know if there was anything I needed.

Elio: Ayrton.

Ayrton: He asked me if I think tennis is off the table.

Elio glares at Nigel, who grins knowingly.

[1337wtfomgbbq]

Little back story for this one. @gufettogrigio has switched her Seb suggestion for Kimi. Kimi volunteered as tribute to save Seb. Let's see how that works out.

Let's go. Fuck I'm scared.

Bruno, our mastermind, sets off an explosive and kills Didier and Esteban.

Fernando kills Rene for his supplies.

Charles gets fishing bait and Nigel gets fishing gear.

Pierre throws a knife into Ayrton's chest.

Holy shit there be some action😳

Riccardo severely injures Lewis and leaves him to die.

Kimi gets a trident... but he survives.

Lance falls into a frozen lake and drowns (AT LEAST THAT WASN'T NELSON)

Pierre, Riccardo, Charles, Kimi, and Jacques get together to track down and kill Nigel. (Okay rude for one, and what the heck Jacques and Riccardo?? Riccardo that's literally your bro husband)

Valtteri chases Nelson (fuck leave him alone)

Alain overhears Gilles talking to Mick. (Fraternizing with the enemy)

Daniel-- why is yall falling into pits. He fell into a pit and died.

Fernando I'm gonna fucking-- THAT FUCKER KILLED NELSON🤬

Andrea tracks down and kills Mick.

Pierre and Valtteri hold hands (that's actually specifically stated)

Alex has a sponsor and gets fresh food🤗

Bruno and Charles run into each other and decide to truce for the night.

Alain tends to Kimi's wounds.

Riccardo, Alain and Elio include Valtteri in their group and hunt for other tributes.

Patrick and Alex also team up.

Bruno attacks Charles but he manages to get away.

Jacques begs Fernando to kill him but he refuses (BUT YOU HAD NO PROBLEM KILLING MY MAN BITCH?🤬)

Kimi just wants to sleep.

Pierre just bled out?

Charles stays awake the whole night.

Alain convinces Alex to snuggle with him (go figure, he don't have no Ayrton and no Nelson)

Valtteri get's a hatchet from an unknown sponsor (is that you @gufettogrigio )

Riccardo screams for help.

Elio stabs Andrea with a tree branch (Elio you dumbass, you gotta kill the current guys)

Gilles destroys Patricks supplies (same as with Elio, work against the current guys you dumbass)

Kimi gets more food from his sponsor (wow @gufettogrigio you are spoiling your fighters)

Fernando injures himself (served him right *pouts*)

Riccardo strangles Gilles with a rope (guys, you are so DUMB)

At least Alain, Bruno and Patrick stay within their own group and don't kill each other.

Elio gets explosives from a sponsor😊

Elio destroys Alex' supplies while he sleeps.

Alain looks at the night sky (and thinks about Ayrton and Nelson... leave me alone)

Charles, Valtteri, Patrick, Bruno, and Fernando sleep in shifts.

Jacques questions his sanity (and I do too)

Kimi cooks himself some food👨‍🍳

Elio stalks Alain (cause he's dumb... or lonely)

Oh *chuckles* shit... Kimi just decapitated Riccardo with a sword.

Alex just wants to sleep.

Patrick and Jacques team up, just as Charles and Fernando. (Finally they realise they should stay within their teams)

Valtteri picks flowers😊🌼

Bruno tries to sing himself to sleep and Valtteri screams for help.

Jacques and Alain talk about the tributes still alive.

Fernando and Alex threaten a double suicide but it fails and they die (which seems really dumb... they were like two of the strungest current peeps. Here is to you Fernando and Alex, you faught well🙌)

Kimi strangles Elio with a rope (don't think it junky, you'll jinx it)

Patrick begs Charles to kill him but her refuses.

Onto the feast...

Kimi throws a knife into Alain's head.

Jacques decides to stay a way (wise decision)

Bruno, Valtteri, Charles, and Patrick decide to team up and just grab as much supplies as they can and then leg it (cause Kimi is crazy)

Jacques also gets food from a sponsor.

AJFJDKSK. NOOOO. THAT'S THE FUCKING WORST WAY TO GO.

Patrick tries to climb a tree, but he falls and lands on Kimi KILLING THEM BOTH!!

That's such a shit way to go🤣🤣 (I screamed)

Valtteri travels to higher ground and Bruno discovers a river.

Valtteri bashes Bruno's head in with a mace.

Jacques sees a fire but stays the fuck away.

Charles stares at the night sky.

Charles severely injures Valtteri and leaves him for death.

Jacques straight up offs himself cause it's too much.

And with that I declare the winner of the hunger games: Charles Leclerc.

@riccardo-and-elio your tribute made it.

@gufettogrigio you did a lot of good sponsoring though.

Kimi, Fernando and Alex did a bang job (Imma just say 'poor Seb🥺' at tjis point)

[1337wtfomgbbq]

Launt and the kids on the christmas market...

Oh boy, this is gonna be utter chaos🤦‍♂️ Let's just get started.

First of all, Niki and James don't go alone because that is bound to be a desaster, they take Jacky, Jochen, Jim and Graham as reinforcements.

So each of them end up with a pair of the kids.

Jacky: René and Alain

Jochen: Riccardo and Patrick

Jim: Bruno and Andrea

Graham: Elio and Nigel

James: Ayrton and Didier

Niki: Gilles, Nelson and Jacques

Gilles, Nelson and Jacques wanna go to very specific stands, including a gemstone stand because Jacques is firmly convinced that he can pull off a curse on their enemies. And Nelson and Gilles are both very very interested in that😈

Niki is just confused. Did I mention that Niki decided to put those three onto kid leashes cause... that doesn't really need explaining does it??

Jacky too has his work cut out for him as he struggles to keep René contained who, seeing all those stands with baked goods, is going absolutely feral.

And Alain, thought to be such a sweet sweet kid, isn't much help as he somehow manages to derail a car on the carousel. Though he is ademant that it was completely by accident.

Jim actually had a pretty calm time.

Up until they got to the pony ride and Andrea was bucked off and started crying.

Being completely focused on Andrea Jim didn't notice Bruno slipping away.

Thankfully he didn't get far as he was caught by Graham. Who also had the idea to take all four of their little charges to the ferris wheel. On which Nigel immediately threw up because he ate too much🙁

James, being James, got himself some mulled wine during the first five minutes of the trip.

Tankfully Didier being a good boy stayed by his side anyways and managed to keep Ayrton with them too, who was dead set on finding Alain.

James didn't even notice any of that drama🤦‍♂️

Jochen honestly doesn't know what all the fuzz is about.

Riccardo is just an angel and Jochen doesn't even understand why and how Riccardo is supposed to always disappear because he never let go of his hand. And Patrick was an angel as well, he just wanted some flowers made of felt.

[1337wtfomgbbq]

Hold onto your butts, and find out how Niki and James wound up with twelve kids...

Bruno: Dad. Where do we all come from?

Niki and James: *Confused looks *

James: What do you mean Bruno?

Bruno: Well, Niki already explained to us where babys come from. But he said you nead a man and a woman for that. And you are both men, so... *gears in brain scraping *

Niki and James exchange a knowing look.

James: Well, you see Bruno, we all got you guys from somewhere. You for example were found by uncle Jackie.

Everybody perking up.

Bruno excited: Really?!

James nods: Uh hu. But you know, uncle Jackie and uncle Francois weren't sure if they were quite ready to have a child so they decided to give you to old Niki and I. After all, we already had Nigel and Elio.

Nelson mumbling to Gilles: That doesn't sound fake at all.

Gilles: *hisses for Nelson to be quiet *

Gilles: Wait, and where did uncle Jackie find Bruno?

James cryptically: He never told us.

Gilles: And me? Where did you get me?

James easy going: Oh you, we found you in the dumpster.

Didier starts laughing and Gilles looks horrified.

James chuckles: Yeah, and Didier liked you so much that he talked us into keeping you. He called you his 'trash brother'.

Didier laughs: I don't even remember that, but I'm okay with that.

Gilles glaring: And where'd you get that hyena from *nods at Didier *

James: Oh, some auction. Niki wanted a plane but, you see, Didier was much cheeper.

Gilles starts laughing and now Didier looks horrified. He looks over at Niki for some support but Niki just shruggs.

Niki: He was quite cheep.

By now, everybody is laughing or snickering and really interested in the story.

Andrea: And me?! Where'd you get me.

James: Well, you see--

Niki butting in: We were at the zoo one day.

James: *stares *

Niki: And at the erm... sea lion exhibit with Jacques and Elio, and there was this lone kid there as well. Just sitting in a stroller, with a paper clip pinned to it that read, 'take if you want'.

Andrea stares in shock, and James has to fight to suppres his laughter.

Jacques: And I? What about me?!

Niki: You know those storage auctions.

James catching on: Yeah, when you rent a garage or something to store your stuff in. If you stop paying the rent, at some point they're just gonna auction the garage and all the stuff in it.

Jacques nods slowly.

Niki: Well, we went to one of those auctions for a weekend and *shrugs * you were in the unit that we got.

Jacques: *stares with big eyes *

Alain thoughtfull: I don't know... That doesn't really sound right.

James catching on quickly: Don't tell me you don't remember how we got you Alain.

Alain shakes his head and quietly stares at James.

James pretending to be shocked: You don't remember how you just dropped out of the trees when we were hiking in the woods?

Niki nods: I don't know for how long you've been living there all by yourself. But we really managed to integrate you nicely.

René: Wait, Alain was a wild child? Like Mogli?

Niki nods.

René, almost afraid to ask: And me?

Niki: Well, we went to the bakery one day.

James: And you were there too, all by your lonesome, staring at the cakes with eyes all big and teary. We couldn't not pick you up.

Gilles, totally enraptured at this point: And Nelson? *pointing at Nelson *

Niki snorts: Nelson? He was just there all of a sudden.

Gilles and Nelson simultaniously: Huh?

Niki: I was grocery shopping one day, with Alain and Elio, and when I got back into the car he sat in the passenger seat. Just said, 'you're my new family now' and crossed his arms all pouty.

Gilles snickers: You were pouting.

Nelson: No I was not! *pouts *

Patrick excited: Me. Me. What about me?

Niki: There was this carnival one day.

James: That all the kids really wanted to go to.

Nelson rolling his eyes: And let me guess, you won Patrick at one of the stands. Can knockdown maybe.

James frowns: No, Nigel won.

Niki: And it wasn't can knockdown but duck fishing.

Elio excited: And Nigel and I? What about us.

James: Oh you two are adopted *waves him off *

Everybody laughs, except for Elio and Nigel. Elio looking quite hurt.

James hurries: We adopted you from a witch.

Elio excited: Really?

Niki: Well Nigel. You we adopted from a fairy.

Elio: *heart eyes *

Riccardo meekly: And what about me?

James: Well... *rubbing his chin *

Niki: Erm... *scratching his forehead *

Years later:

Gilles: Hey, do you guys remember those storys you told us, about how you got us all. Just so you didn't have to tell us that we're all adopted?

Niki over the newspaper: I don't know what you mean trash baby...

Gilles: *stares, contemplating his life *

Elio: You know, you never told us where you got Ayrton from though.

Niki and James exchange a look.

Niki and James: Well, there was this shooting star one night...

[1337wtfomgbbq]

Okay, I'm doing one of these hunger games generators cause I'm bored and my sister said it would be funny.

...

What the fuck Nelson just fell into a pit and died... IN ROUND 1... Nelson what the actual?????

And how the fuck did Jochen of all people FUCKING DROWN????

Okay @gufettogrigio raised the point to me that Nelson probably fell into the pit on purpose, out of spite. Like, "fuck your little death game. Piquet out" and goes stumbling into the pit doing finger guns👉🙂👉

I still don't get how Jochen ended up drowning??!! But I digress.

Bruno picks flowers. I mean🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ I'm not exactly surprised.

Gilles camouflages himself in the bushes. He's small enough after all *ugly laugh*

Uh François is getting sponsored. Wonder why😏

Oh wow Carlos too. He got a hatchet😳

Mika scares off James. I can see that happen.

Jackie questions his sanity. I would too Jackie, I would too🤣🤣

Aaaaaand Patrick just poisoned Ayrton😳

Now Elio and Bruno are snuggeling. To be clear Elio convinced Bruno to snuggle with him. 🤭

Mika forces Didier to kill Keke or Carlos. He decides to kill Keke. Mika, my dude, is out for blood.

Now Alain is picking flowers. Stop picking flowers when in a battle royale death trap!!!

Niki, John, Jackie and Gilles are teaming up... for now. Just as Elio and Carlos.

Mika out there constructing a shack.💪

Nigel's asking James to kill him??? But James refuses😅 Nigel, you good??

Now John and Riccardo are snuggeling. What is this. Is this death battle or death snuggle??

Fuck. Didier just killed Niki.

*sigh * Riccardo and Bruno are holding hands now. Riccardo: death battle not death by holding hands, remember.

Mika just killed Ronnie in an ambush. Fin on the prowl😏🥵

Didier, Riccardo, and Jacky successfully ambushed and killed Gilles, Michael, and Carlos.

Riccardo finally got my memo and there is now death and not hand holding and snuggeling😤

Wait what now... James just blead out from unrelated injuries... how... when what how??

Bruno found a cave. Yey🤗

Jacky climbs a tree to rest. Since Jochen drowned straight away might as well have Jacky at least use Jochen's monkey skills.🤷‍♂️

And now Jacques is screaming for help. Like, dude, who's gonna help you. Death battle, remember?

Ah whatever, René's helping Nigel with his wounds. Death battle who?

Patrick and Mika truce for the night and now John and François snuggle. *sigh * Stop snuggling and start killing😤👏

Riccardo still getting sponsored🕺

Didier sprained his ankle running away from Mika. Mika seems to be channeling his inner Michael Myers.

Jackie just speared Elio😳😳

And Jacky also constructs a shack🤷‍♂️

Alain, don't trust Mika. Stop hoding hands with him.

Bruno fails to start a fire. And that makes me sad😥

François, Jacky, and Didier successfully ambushed and killed Jacques, Patrick, and Nigel.

It's very often team ups and ambushes eh?

Uuuuh René just got explosives from a sponsor. I don't know why that excites me so much...

Okay lots of running away. Alain from Jackie and Mika from John.

And René gets even more stuff. Someone seems to really like René😏

Okay Bruno just defeated John in a fight but spared his life. That's not gonna come back and bite him in the ass. No. *not convinced at all *

Okay, Jacky just severely injured Jackie and left him to die.

😳😳😳 Alain just snapped Riccardo's neck. Seems like holding hands with Mika did help.

Speaking of Mika he just fucking strangled Didier with a rope😳😳😳

Okay okay, it's happening, the feast. This gonna be goooood.

Bruno couldn't handle the circumstances anymore and commited suicide. That's sad. I was kinda rooting for him to win out of left field.

Mika just SET RENÉ oN fIRE WITH a moLOToV😱

John, Jacky, Alain and François all, wisely, decide not to go to the feast. You don't wanna come across the finnish terminator.

Oh oh, Mika is chasing Alain, François sleeps the entire day, John picks flowers and Jacky goes hunting (for food not for tributes).

Night 6

François pushed Alain off a cliff during a knife fight.

John finally managed to stop the finnish terminator with a kife to the chest.

All of that while Jacky is just camping🤣🤣🤣

Okay😳 Jacky is a cunning bitch. Just convinced John not to kill him, only to backstab John😳

François is looking for fire wood.

Aaaand Jacky just stabbed François in the back. Damn daniel, my shipper heart expected some other outcome. But Jacky doesn't take any prisoners. Which still kinda plays into my shipper heart. I mean Jochen was gone right off the bat so Jacky had no reason to take prisoners. Mickx for the win (kinda, since Jochen is dead😅)

[1337wtfomgbbq]

The kids staying at Graham's turned out quite amazing right. Especially considering that just one mistake would have ended in desaster.

Like, imagine if Graham hadn't gotten Jim involved as his back up:

At the spa, five hours after leaving the kids at Graham's:

Niki and James are having a grand old time. So far they were swimming, soaked in a hot tub and had a massage.

But Niki won't be Niki if he wouldn't worry about Graham's safety.

Niki: Let me just check if he called.

James: Niki, I will bash your phone so help me.

Niki: Just let me check, okay.

James huffs: Fine.

Niki checks his phone and sees that he has three missed calls.

First one, from Ronnie: Hey guys, just wanted to check in and let you know that Patrick ended up at my place if you're wondering. He just turned up on my doorstep soaking wet, with a blanket. *voices in the background * Well, no you can't really- Hold on. Anyways, call me when you get back.

Niki looks bewildered, and even James lifts his head.

The second message if from François: Ey Niki, just to let you know but two of you and James' kids are here and soaking wet. I don't know which ones-

Jackie's voice: Pretty sure Alain and Ayrton with the way they're yelling at each other.

François: Alain and Ayrton. Anyways, call us when you guys get back.

The last call was from Jacky, who sounds totally frantic: I got your kids in my house. I don't know how they got inside. My doors are locked, my windows are shut, and I'm pretty sure I heard something break. *grumbles * You're gonna pay for that by the way. *children screaming in the background *

They head to Jacky's first because his call sounded like a straight up hostage situation. They find him in the kitchen, being forced to bake René a cake who holds him at super-soaker-point.

In the end James and Niki are also forced to help bake the cake, and only after its completion does René allow them to leave for Jackie and Francois place.

It turns out that François managed to stop Alain and Ayrton from fighting by trying to teach them to play something, anything, on the piano.

As they're heading to Ronnie's place they come across Jochen and a sopping wet Riccardo, Jochen admitting that he almost hit Riccardo with his car, while Riccardo holds his hand and mumbles that he was just looking for Jochen.

Finally at Ronnie's, they find him in a deep technical conversation with Patrick.

Having seen enough Niki and James take their kids, and their kids victims, and head to Graham's house.

At Graham's place they are greeted by the afore mentioned driver opening the door to them and a surprisingly clean house.

Niki actually sees Nelson frantically cleaning a window, Elio watering plants and Jacques mopping the kitchen floor.

James: Okay, what's going on here.

Graham: Oh, we're just playing among us in real life.

All the other grown ups: ???

Graham explains that he found the idea online after agreeing to watch the kids for the day.

He would have the kids all pick a little paper slip that told them if they were a crew mate or an imposter, and set their tasks as being the chores he wanted to have done around the house.

Every kid would also get a blanket or towell they would lay under once they were killed.

And every kid that was voted out by the others would get tossed into the pool, before revealing if they were an imposter or not.

Which explained why Riccardo, Alain and Patrick were all soaking wet.

Graham: Okay, I'll admit I didn't really thought about what to do with the kids once they became 'ghosts'.

Jackie, François, Jacky and Ronnie: *glaring at him *

Graham: Come on, they weren't that bad.

Jacky: That one *points at René * broke my patio door and threatened me with a super soaker into baking him a cake.

François: Riccardo? *looks at Jackie for confirmation * Riccardo was almost run over by Jochen.

Graham: But he was ultimately looking for Jochen so...-

Niki, James, Jackie, François, Jacky, Ronnie and Jochen glare at him and Graham quickly shuts up.

[1337wtfomgbbq]

Elio: That's it, we're gonna go out and find what we need!

Nigel: To the city?

Elio: Yeah, no matter what!

Ayrton: Well- How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly?

Elio: I... I don't know!

Alain: Oh come off it, be serious!

Elio: I am serious!

Alain: You're insane!

Nelson: Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved!

Everyone:

Elio: What???

Nelson: Or maybe it was a basset hound!

Alain, panicked: YOU'RE ALL INSANE!

[1337wtfomgbbq]

I'm so deep down the rabbit hole right now, I gotta do the launt 13 vs 03 tour de france bests.

No worries, I'm still gonna do the last two rounds of launt 13 vs current grid (is anybody even reading these? Who cares, they're fun🤗)

A lot of running away.

Elio got a bag full of explosives, I don't know why that scares me.

Tyler breaks René nose over a basket of bread. Erm, wow. Tyler are you the one crazy for baked goods?

😰😰 WHAT?! Patrick just suicided???!

Lance kills Ayrton with a poisenous blow dart. That makes so much sense.

Andrea, Richard and Bruno work together to get as many supplies as they can. I don't think Richard understands the concept of this death match.

Nelson convinced Ivan not to kill him only to kill Ivan. Sounds like something Nelson would do.

Now Roberto also has explosives🤦‍♂️ I don't know but people getting or finding explosives realy gets me nervous😅

Jan, Bruno, Haimar, Alain and Andrea join Richard in not understanding the concept of my little death match.

René, Lance, Jacques and Alexander raid Richard's camp while he's away. EVERYONE literally doesn't understand my death match. Or they're tired of it😅

Joseba fishes🐟😊

Tyler stalks Iban. Which is stupid, cause they're on the same team🤦‍♂️

Riccardo and Nigel both question their sanity. And me too.

So far only Lance and Nelson seem to grasp the concept of this game.

Joseba stabs René with a tree branch. Yes, Joseba joins the group of people to finally understand this game.

Alain and Iban truce for the night.

Nelson cries himself to sleep?? Cause Alain cuddles Iban and not him?? 🤣 Fucking take Nelson alread Alain, now you're even taking a cyclist over him, the fuck??

Elio and Richard have a nice talky talk.

Haimar and Riccardo track down and kill Gilles. Erm, Riccardo are you good?? What did Gilles do to you?

Jan killes Didier for his supplies. Good on Jan😊

Nigel gets clean water from a sponsor.

Andrea tends to Nelson's wounds. How nice. It also stays in team, even better.

Nigel wants to sleep through the entire day. I feel that.

Jens, Jacques, Riccardo and Alain form a suicide pact and kill themselfes. Oh my Lord Alain, you will do anything to not make my OTP happen, right?

Jan now also stabbed Joseba. Which... it's your own team Jan, but still... I can't really be mad.

Iban and Jan team up for the night. Jan, please be carefull. Alain stayed the night with Iban and now he's dead.

Elio is unable to convince Haimar not to kill him. Poor Elio😥

And yep, Nigel cries himself to sleep. Wonder why... we all know perfectly well why.

Bruno can't handle it all and commits suice, while Lance gets some explosives from a sponsor.

Roberto sees a fire but stays hidden, which is probably for the best.

Iban and Roberto work together to drown Haimar. Which is fucking dumb because they're on the same damn team.

Nigel and Richard both get explosives. This should be good *rubs hands *

Lance, Jan and Nelson hunt for other tributes. Not gonna lie, that team up excites me.

Andrea collects fruits 🍒😚

Jan fends Iban, Richard and Roberto away from his fire. Which... they're all on his team. Is Jan starting to go full on bonkers?🤔

Andrea thinks about home.

Lance and Tyler sleep in shifts. Cause Jan apparently lost it. Better safe than sorry.

Nelson and Alexander sleep in shifts.

Just noticed that there are only three of the Launt 13 left. The 03 tour de france line up are doing a good job so far, I'll give them that.

Tyler attacks Jan but he manages to get away. Good call on Tyler to try and get rid of the Ullrich Express.

Andrea and Nelson finally team up. Great job guys. Now go forth and safe the honor of the launt 13.

Tyler and Lance both get fresh water from their sponsors.

Alexander, Nelson and Andrea team up and kill Roberto.

Iban destroys Nigel's supplies while he sleeps. No, not Nigel having bad luck😰 But hey Nigel, you are still alife.

Jan starts a fire and Richard passes out from exhaustion.

Onto the feast...

Lance severaly slices Alexander with a sword... but like, did that kill him. Vinou is a hard ass after all.

Richard overpowers Nelson, killing him.

The rest of the bunch decides not to go to the feast.

Now we got Nigel fishing🐟😚 You are literally one of the last launt 13 left. Be on high alert.

Andrea is being a bit more proactive and makes himself a spear.

No!! Tyler just unknowingly ate toxic berries.

Lance gets to higher ground.

Iban diverts Jan's attention and runs away.

Welp, seems like Alexander did die after all.

Iban begs for Nigel to kill him. And, reluctantly, Nigel obliges and kills Iban. Like, wow Nigel. You go Nigel.

Andrea gets medical supplies from a sponsor.

Lance, Richard and Jan get into a fight and Jan kills them both 😳Wow.

Jan sprains his ankle while running away from Nigel.

Andrea sadly dies of dysentery.

Then Nigel dies trying to escape the area. Which is a totally Nigel thing to happen.

Which means, the 03 tour de france line up beat the launt 13.

Jan Ullrich, the Ullrich Express, took home victory.

[1337wtfomgbbq]

@gufettogrigio you ask and I shall deliver😚🤗

Elio and Ayrton keep getting into little spats with each other. Elio being sure the team favors Ayrton over him. The issue only gets resolved once Elio gets switched into the blue team.

Nelson once does a spectacular overtake. Actually being behind Ayrton in a challenge, but he manages to somehow pull the thing off while showing him the middle finger.

Also burns himself with boiling oil and still continues the service to the end.

But he's also the one that gets into arguments with Gordon the most.

Alain and Ayrton... keep manipulating each other. Ayrton shoves Alain and has him spill a plate. Alain gives Ayrton a wrong time, having Ayrton mes up the fish. Ayrton 'accidentally' spills hot water on Alain's arm.

Nigel keeps on spilling stuff. And he, and Nelson, have caused Gordon to install a '(insert days) without fainting incident' chart.

Only person that spills more stuff than Nigel is Andrea. He says "sorry chef ramsay, sorry" so often that Gordon once yelled at him, "i'm starting to think 'sorry chef ramsay' is my actual name, considering how often you say it to me", which promptly became a meme.

Gilles and Didier had an angreement to just trade wins throughout their stay. But miscommunication on one challenge causes a rift. Gilles accusing Didier of betrayal and... that's all she wrote. You know the drill. Bitch fight is on.

Riccardo keeps being forgotten. But he also somehow goes missing too. Only to randomly pop out of the freezer or something. Or pipe in that the oven isn't turned on. Strangely, he's never put up to be voted out by his team.

Bruno seems to be a sweet one. Always helping his team, always picking up the slack and pushing his team to win the dinner service... until it's solo challenge time. Then the kid gloves come off and he turns into a backstabbing hoe.

Oh damn, I forgot part three of the gremlin trio; Jacques. He was first put into the red team and Gilles and Nelson in blue. Though Jacques was switched to blue after a horrendous dinner service for red, during which Jacques wouldn't stop eating the thrown away pasta from the trash can.

Speaking of eating stuff... René's still eating baked goods. During one challenge, which involved the teams baking some cakes or cupcakes or something. Anyways, red almost lost cause René had bitten off a mouth full of literally each piece.

Honestly, blue thought they won that one for sure only for Patrick to reveal that he had hidden a cake, sweetly decorated with flowers, in the freezer. Saving the red teams collective asses.

James and Niki were the special guests for one dinner service. Both teams wanting to deliver the perfect service to impress their parents.

Well... that was the dinner service Nigel tripped and fell on chef Christina, dislocating her shoulder, Ayrton boiled Alain, Andrea messed up the crab cakes on the floor, Nelson almost got into a fist fight with Jean-Philippe and Riccardo and the lamb sauce where nowhere to be found.

Of course Alain, Ayrton, Nigel and Nelson are the ones to get the black jackets.

And of course it comes down to Ayrton and Alain. Ayrton being runner up and Alain winning.

Though Gordon keeps insists that this was not a real Hell's Kitchen. None of them could ever actually win.

Guys listen...

Hell's kitchen... but it's Launt 13.