#oh they know they just hate to admit it
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i want jamiazu + idikei to go on a double date so badly i think the vibes would be So Very Turbulent
#twisted wonderland#twst#jamiazu#idikei#idicay#cereal tries to draw#i love any fanart of board game club and their bitch ass crushes jdslhffkjg teeheehee#cater and jamil can get along fine but board game club is incapable of behaving#they have to drop everything to bully the shit out of each other given the chance!!!#jamil does this with azul also. tbh i think it would be a war immediately and caters like HaHa Oh My GOd. ??!!?#cater actually it's hard to say bc sometimes hes like HUH!!!! CHILL OUT!! but other times hes a shady little freak of a guy and enables#things so like whose to say. maybe if hes in a silly mood he would join idia and jamil and it would be 3v1 rip azul it was nice knowing u#the rng of if they get peacekeeping caycay or mischievous caycay#it feels like it has been a While since ive really sat and drawn them...#i have had a lot going on <///3 and then all draw time is spent on art fight rn but. small break For Them#do u even understand me. do u see my vision. i want to put all four of them in an escape room#bundle them together and observe them under a microscope#god i just LOVE how any time someone in twst talks about another character it's always either like#yes this is a good respectable classmate of mine who i admire. or I HATE THAT BITCH HE FUCKING SUCKS ASS ACTUALLY!!!!#and then the haters are like best friends who hang out always jfdksljflkshg#but theyd rather DIE than ADMIT IT!!!#bitch boys who only respect each other when they dont know each other too well ig fjldksfh#board game club being god tier haters nonstop of each other is so fucking funny im literally obsessed with whatever they have going on#anyway!!! I WANT THEM TO HANG OUT MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Jason who immediately loses respect for people who don't own up to their mistakes vs Annabeth who would rather die than admit she made a mistake
#jason vs annabeth. autism vs npd lol#idk what the outcome is. i don't think they'd fight physically. but jason would get on her ass. and she'd be so fucking pissed abt it#she'd strategize different ways to put him in uncomfortable situations for whatever reason#and he's just vibing through them because he's been uncomfortable his entire life. pretending to be bacon for a monster is not new#anyway jason looking at his dad who's refusing to admit he made some dumb decisions and immediately going this guy is an idiot fuck him#happy talks pjo#npd!annabeth#jason grace#annabeth chase#oh oh annabeth needing everyone to like and trust her and jason's lost respect for her drives her up the fucking wall#she's the only one of the seven who could really be considered friends with all of them and jason's judgy eyes make her want to explode#she 100% rants herself to sleep about things he says. maybe that's where percy and jason's beef arised from#percy recognizing that annabeth is fustrated with jason because jason is blunt and doesn't really know to soften his words.#so now percy is fustrated with jason because annabeth is the source of his personhood right now. meanwhile jason is just vibing oblivious#no social awarenes whatsoever. anyway lol#but oooooo see leo's inferiority complex actually makes him fess up to errors in a way that judges him (jokingly but not really)#even if the error wasn't his fault. but it's his willingness to admit to his mistakes that makes jason really appreciate and trust him#so we have npd!annabeth who can't admit to being wrong because it would kill her ego#and then inferiority complex leo who does admit to being wrong because he hates himself#and when he fucks up he is quick to confess (often in a self-deprecating joke manner) so that no one can say anything that would hurt him#if he kills his ego before other people can even attempt it then he's safe from their judgement in some way#okaaaay bac to studying lol
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the silly pathetic guy ♡
#honestly . i am more like a incelbur fictionkin or irl but i dont want to admit kt#i always say “noo i am not him i am not that stupid pathetic guyyyy” but then i am acting like him and im like “oh shit well maybe i am?”#i hate him so much(bc he's so me and i HATE IT)#it's a slash jay btw#i love him so much#but I don't want to be EXACTLY LIKE HIMMM ARHGGGG#that's it . I just wanted you guys to know this hgshshg#now i want to use incelbur in every team group or just anything#fanart#my art#incelbur#simpbur#bursona
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I just thought of the most hilarious next protagonist of Baldur's Gate saga.
(Note what most of the outcomes used as background info here come from the characters' "good" endings. Proceed with caution.)
A child of Durge and Gortash, killed inside their parent's womb when Durge denied Bhaal, resurrected alongside them by Jergal.
A child any of The Dead Three can lay a claim on because they are:
A child of previous chosen of Bane
A child of Bhaalspawn, a bhaalspawn themselves, albeit striped of that when Bhaal took his essence from Durge, killing them instantly.
DIED before even being born, so clearly Myrkul's subject.
Resurrected by Jergal, so there's ties to that as well.
Can be compelled to follow any of The Dead Three paths, or try to play them and set them against each other, or follow Jergal, or forge their own path.
Essentially a child with no fate.
Can look either as Durge (and be any race Durge presented as) or as Gortash.
The last possibility bringing unique encounters and dialogues and character never knowing they can use being Lord Gortash's child to their advantage or ppl they meet were their father's enemies and they need to dash.
Having ties to different fractions depending on who Durge romanced or if Durge not romanced anyone.
Being raised in Underdark if their parent ended up with Minthara.
Same with unascended Astarion, + lots of acquainted spawns in the Underdark.
Being raised in Hell if their parent went to Avernus with Karlach.
Being raised either in Waterdeep if Gale is their stepfather or with Duke freaking Ravengard as a step- grandfather.
Having ties with Selunites if Shadowheart is a woman they call mother.
Being raised in the nature and having Druids call them their own if Durge and Halsin were involved.
Being raised amongst githianki revolution if Lae'zel was their parent's choice of heart. Having their mother leading a rebellion against a god.
Having lots of unique content regarding that.
Possible companions include:
Arabella
Mol
Yenna
That girl who was kidnapped and eaten by auntie Ethel.
Mayrina's child.
A child of lady Janneth and Oscar.
One or several of Jaheira's grandchildren.
#bg3#bg3 spoilers#dark urge x gortash#baldurs gate 3 spoilers#baldurs gate 3#idk i just think it would be funny#imagine being THAT child. Your parents both fucked up tremendously and when your parent and stepparent saved the day#probably killing your father in the process#the dead three either hate your guts or try to make you their new chosen one#jergal is just...there. occasionally giving you advice. you have questions. he never answers them directly#he also never admits he is in fact Jergal#but you just know#you are in the shadow of your heroic parent and their deeds#can be either a hero greater than them or a villain worse than gortash and pre-tadpole durge combined#everyone knows your parents one or another or even the one who was the chosen of bane and died#you can decide what you think about it#imagine dame aylin just appearing one day and you're just like 'oh yeah...she's kind of my aunt? not really but she is.'#also mayrina names her child after durge. imagine traveling with a person named after your parent. awkward#imagine mystra trying to approach gale's child#or shar - shadowheart's#mizora lingers too close to wyll's special lil one and wyll choses violence
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It's been a year since I redrew that one Snorkmimi render...
So yeah I did it again ofc I would, why oh why wouldn't I? Tee hee silly meee
Attaching the 2023 redraw and og cause- uh- I donno, because yes, why not!!!
#This also means updated banner HECK YEAH 🔥🔥🔥#These redraws of mine are so different style-wise it's funny lmao#shoutout to Snorkmaiden one of my fav characters ever she's so perfect in every way my little baby#oh and update : since last year I still have NOT tasted “Snorkmaiden's dreamy chocolate” moomin coffee maybe one day I will or I'll do the#smart thing of making choco coffee myself without buying the maybe overpriced thing that just happens to have Snorkmay on it (I don't even#like sweet coffee 😭) buuut... you know... I could always just get it once and keep the package as a treasure! Cause I'm a hoarder. It might#or might not be a problem but I don't have time to think about that and work on it I have 100 possible uses for this old straw what if I#reeeaaallly need an old straw one day and I DON'T have it because I threw it away? Yeah! END OF THE WORLD!!!#Tbh hate to admit it but Snufkin's hazelnut coffee sounds the most inviting from all of the moomin flavoured choices to me I LOVE hazelnuts#I don't even know what licorice tastes like and I am NOT eating anything that is advertised with Stinky on the cover (jk Stinky's great)#I'm already sick of everything salted caramel flavoured it's just sugar n' salt with a different ribbon and blueberry... I'll pass. And like#I said before - I'm not a fan of sweet coffee. Sorry Snorkmaiden :[#okay enough of it no one reads allat time for real tags#snorkmaiden#snorkfröken#niiskuneiti#moomin#moomins#moomin books#Snork mimimimimimi Snork mimimimimimi
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Some of y’all need a reminder on who invented comics… I’ll give you a hint- Jews were the one to create comics. So if y’all are boycotting the new Captain America movie then maybe you should just stop reading comics too since it’s a Jewish invention. Im only saying this because y’all love throwing huge fits when you find out something you like was created by a Jew.
#jumblr#antisemitism#anti zionism = antisemitism#y’all just admit that you hate Jews#i mean we all know you do#comics#yes Jews invented comics#if y’all don’t like that oh well#this is about the ass hats who are currently throwing a fit about the#the new captain america movie#captain america brave new world#marvel
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https://www.tumblr.com/willowcrowned/753125073710415872?source=share
My perception of wine is forever tainted
(post of wine and rock licking pairing guide)
i suddenly cannot remember if i ever gave anakin a major in the wine party au - could he be a geologist?? i love the idea of anakin bringing literal rocks to a fancy wine party night just so that all of obi-wan's snobby friends have to lick them.
he thinks he's won, but obi-wan, the asshole, has been studying up on geology ever since he found out that anakin was studying the subject, so he takes a very delicate lick of his fucking. slate rock and he's like 'actually i think a limestone would taste better with this riesling because of the undertone of brightness and freshness that the rock has.'
and anakin has to sit there through obi-wan's fucking stupid pink tongue flicking over the rock and then his stupid KNOWLEDGE of ROCKS and WINE and it takes him like 2 whole bouts of sex before he's like 'wait were you studying up on wine to impress me????'
and obi-wan has to think of a cover real fast
thankfully rocks and soil actually really do affect grapes grown for wine. so he has an excuse. even though the truth is he has never cared more about geology than since anakin entered his life <3
#asks#obikin#wine party au#oh but dont get me wrong#they still hate each other#except they really dont and are just trying to one up and impress each other#while pretending they hate each other?#its complicated#obi-wan definitely takes anakin on one of his friend's yahcts#and anakin wont admit he doesnt know how to swim until the boat has already left the coast#theyre both very stressed for the rest of the party#anakin sitting in a garish yellow life jacket thinking obi-wan is embarrassed because of him#obi-wan sitting next to him thinking anakin is going to FALL OFF THE BOAT and DROWN
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genshin posting once again. natlan is bad for many reasons already specified on this blog, but i’m adding another one to the list. THE most interesting character shit in the game comes from the archons+neuvillette’s deeply insane problems, both with the gods and with each other, all of it rooted in their immortality and their positions as incredibly powerful beings pinned like butterflies to the crumbling cardstock of the world by powers even greater than themselves, and mavuika has NONE of that. she isn’t immortal, she wasn’t around for the archon war, she is just a lady who happened to be alive 500 years ago and is currently alive again for a second normal human lifespan. even if she does know the other archons, she can’t know them well, she’s only been alive like 50 years max. her shit is boring her outfit sucks and she will never be part of the incredibly bad and evil archon+neuvillette relationship pile-up. what is the POINT
#genshin impact#girl ur big emotional shit is just that you’re said everyone you grew up with is dead like okay#venti zhongli and ei are also still living with grief their whole shit is grief and their shit is 1000% more interesting#bc they have been grieving for anywhere from 500 to 3000 years#interpreting otherwise normal human emotions through lifetimes like that and all the shit they’ve lived thru: TASTY#DEEP IMPLICATIONS FOR HOW FUCKED UP THEY ARE#rukkhadevata also having lost deshret and the goddess of flowers#and god KNOWS furina has some insane immortality problems TM TM TM!!!#but mavuika is giving NOTHING. NO implications. NO sauce. JUST a woman in an anachronistic catwoman suit#‘oh you’re sad your little sister lived a fully and happy life and you were dead at the time’ grow up#venti has been wearing his dead friend’s face for 3000 years and STILL plays like he’s more emotionally well adjusted than zhongli#who btw despite being the person who presumably knows venti best in the world#fellow archon survived the war together have been next door neighbors for several thousand years#would STILL rather throw himself off a cliff than admit he was ever once taken pleasure in venti’s company#THESE ARE THE PROBLEMS I NEED!!#I THOUGHT I COULD RELY ON GENSHIN FOR ONE THING!!!!!!#BUT NO!!!#anyways i’ll get it over it never. hate this fucking patch cycle
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NAH NO ABSOLUTELY NOT TELL MEEE TEEEELLLLL MEEEEEEE WHY I WAS PEACEFULLY SCROLLING TIKTOK AND I SEE ONE COMMENT SECTION FLOOODEEDDD WITH SHIT LIKE "astoria greengrass hate club lol" "astoria haters ⬇️⬇️⬇️" "I can't stand astoria" WHAAATTT WHAT THE FUUCCKK WHAT ARE YOU EVEN ACTUALLY FUCKING TALKING ABOUY WHTA THE VBGAGSJSLW I CANNOT EVEN COMPREHEND WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE ON ABOUT IM GONNA FUCKINGFHFHFJFUFKM WHAT DO YOU EVEN MEEAAANN SHUT THE FYCK UPP OH MY GOD WHAT WHAT DID SHE EVER DO?????
anywayz number one astoria greengrass defender love her so much I will skin your whole body with my teeth if you try and fuck with her that is MY GIRL <3<3<3
#WHAT ARE THEY EVEN HATING???? THE THREE LINES ABOUT HER WE GET TALKING ABOUT HOW LOVELY SHE IS???? TF???#AT LEAST SOME HAD THE DECENCY TO ADMIT THEY HATE HER JUST BECAUSE SHES WRITTEN SO HORRIBLY IN FANFICS#YEAH CAUSE ALL THE DRACO SUCK UPS NEED TO GET HIS ACTUAL WONDERFUL WIFE OUT THE WAY TO SELF INSERT THEMSELVES AS AN UNRECOGNISIBLE HERMIONE#OR MAKE HIM SOME WEIRD LITTLE DEFENCELESS TWINK THATS BEING FORCED INTO AN ARRANGE MARRIAGE W/ A MEAN EVIL WOMAN SO HARRY CAN COME SAVE HIM#OHHHH YOU GUYS ARE MAKING ME HATE FANFICTION IM SO ANGRY#THIS IS ACTUALLY WHY DISCERNING FANON FROM CANON IS SO IMPORTANT BECAUSE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MAN#SHUT UP OH MY GOD#im so mad#ASTORIA GET BEHIND ME 🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺#JUST SO YOU KNOW DRACO WOULD HATE ALL OF YOU FOR SAYING THIS SHIT 🗣🗣🗣#this is not directed at any dramione or drarry fans who actually give astoria some sense of justice i dont hate all of you <3#JUST PEOPLE WHO ARE MEAN TO MY GIRL#astoria greengrass#astoria malfoy#drastoria#hpcc#i cannot comprehend that this angel of a woman HAS HATERS??????#fucking crazy out here bro#harry potter fans are something else oml#i hate tiktok gonna delete my entire account now ive had enough#/j
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not me curling my laptop charger wire the way you curl band equipment cords HAHAHA god i miss it
#i really said “okay big performance in the city square let's make this work” and i did but absolute fuckery of the manager just made me...#and she also used to complain about being an opening act-- like come on that's a nationally-renowned band and we're not there yet 😭#we used to fight a lot though so ack i really should have taken that as a red flag#but i was 14 and stupid 🤷♂️#being solo way better uM i shouldn't say this yet but i got a commission today audhauagah i don't even have a portfolio#fuck guys i'm so so so nervous from big changes in life because uM god i just came from actual hell with various things working to make me#kms#but uH we're uH not too keen on that anymore atm and uH it's probably going to all fuck up after i share that i have good news in life#but yk what#let's keep challenging god#i know he hates me#but we will not be defeated we will strangle him by the tie#AHHHH help me i want to get into music again pls pls pls pls pls#anyway back to my old band manager#she was known for being a shitwad in the scene anyw but i was young and stupid as i sais#and i defended her and rationalized her behavior because “we're friends right”#i'm starting to get why my mom is wary of people i get to know#i'm tbh a fucking idiot i would never admit that elsewhere (nah i do) uM my brain is bouncing off the walls#i took a bargain with 7pm coffee and look where it got me#i was also getting up there in my 5 days of uni absences agsgshags#DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY READ THESE I KINDA HOPE NOW NO ONE DOES#IM KINDA UHHH MY CHILD THERAPIST SAID UNCONVENTIONAL#I THINK SHE MEANT FUCKING CRAZY#sorry#oh yeah i walked tf out the band after that big performance set up just for us because i couldn't keep working with that kind of environment#other bands started flocking to recruit or proxy after i was let go by my famously fucked-up ex-manager LOL#but um i have issues so i'm not among them and i think they get the message tbh#appears and disappears#that is actually my brand
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what's crazy to me is multiple times i've received encouragement to start drawing again, even when i mention that the only reason i've considered drawing again is as a desperate ploy for attention
but whenever i talk about my writing i either get ignored or told to "write for yourself"
like just tell me you don't value writing as an art form. it'll be easier than having to dance through whatever the fuck this is
#One's Notebook#me: yeah i think i might draw again specifically because i know people are more supportive of something that requires less power on their#part to consume and im really desperate for attention because despite participating in fandom for a decade i've never found a community#and i really would like to make some friends so i'm not alone all the time#someone: oh that's such a great reason to start drawing you should draw i support everyone learning how to draw!#me: hey i wrote this fic and i know it's not necessarily your favorite ship but i'd really appreciate if you read it/left a comment#someone: lol what kind of a fucking freak are you? i'm not going to waste my time reading something that isn't within my immediate interest#write for yourself how dare you even think to ask people to support your WRITING#venting#i'll probably delete this#it's just crazy to me how much people don't value writing at all but they won't admit it#i actually hate the “write for yourself” rhetoric now because it's only ever used to tear writers down#or for writers to tear themselves down before anyone else can#or worse#for writers to feel superior to other writers who are desperate little freaks who dared to want to share their creation
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shes just like me fr 💚
#i love nene sm shes sooooo <3333#i also made the bg purple not only cause her eyes but also i love ruinene#nene kusanagi#project sekai#proseka#prsk fa#kusanagi nene#will the day ever come where i admit nene is also one of my top faves?#who knows#for now shes just in my faves list#i love her sm tho#yknow its bad when youre listening to her vas songs and not just her in game songs#also oh my god i kinda hated this when i was sketching it but it turned out way better than i expected so yeah trust the process or whateve#nillyart#also also i feel like ive gotten SO MUCH BETTER AT FANART THIS YEAR#i used to be so scared of fanart cause oh my god i just could not draw other peoples characters but omg look at me now!!!!#i think it also helps i dont care as much about canon anymore like no im gonna draw them how they look in my head thankies#typically that is close to canon tho#unless its love live or proseka characters i like to darken their skin cause oh my god <3 they are SO PALE#like girl i barely go outside and IM STILL DARKER THAN YOU#IM SO WHITE#IM 90% IRISH!!!!!#nillyfanart
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seeing some of y'all talking about/have talked to some of y'all who have said to me how y'all feel like the dub forced (western especially) masculinity into Yuri, and
yeah.
I left that out of the actual posts themselves because it felt too opinionated for the actual posts (even though you know it's my blog I can do what I want, but I don't want people discrediting me over shit like that), but yeah.
it feels a lot to me like they wanted Yuri to be some cool masculine edgy dude instead of a silly, playful, dorky, emotional, caring man. as if his silliness and emotional side is something to shy away from and isn't "cool enough" for a main character.
it's sad to me because he's such a different person between versions - enough that if I'm interacting with someone who only knows dub Yuri, it genuinely just doesn't feel like we're even talking about the same character sometimes. I want to be talking about the same character, but since some people only know the dub, they only know what the dub made him out to be.
I've seen a variety of things - art, writing, memes, whatever - where there are times I'm genuinely able to be like... that's such a dub Yuri specific thing. like, the way he gets portrayed is something I'm able to look at and be like "that's literally something only dub Yuri would say/do". it's not the fault of people who don't know the original context, but that's why it frustrates me so much - because that's all some people can know contextually (listening to the audio alone gives you a pretty clear indication of how much tone isn't the same between versions, but obviously some people will still be missing context), and the dub changed the experience (and went out of its way to do so) completely for those people. again - not the fault of the people who played the game. it's the fault of the people who were in charge of context/tone and took advantage of that and changed things and made him literally behave differently (because there's... take what's in front of you and translate that, and then there's going out of your way to change what's right there so the context/behavior is no longer the same).
it especially shows to me in interactions with Flynn between the western and JP fandom. the way Yuri behaves interacting with him in fan created media is sometimes vastly different from my experience between both fandoms. again, it's not people's faults who don't know Yuri's original personality, but it is the dub's fault for portraying him that way.
for me it's heartbreaking to see how dub Yuri treats Flynn and how the dub itself narratively treats Flynn. I love the relationship they have in JP and I love them both as characters in JP. like I've said, sometimes I want to punch dub Yuri for the shit he says and the way he behaves. I've never felt that way about Yuri in his original context. I've felt worse for dub Flynn than JP Flynn because I feel like JP Flynn is better cared for by the narrative/characters, but god, poor dub Flynn??? jesus.
the thing is, this comes from a place of strong love for Yuri (and Flynn!) so I hate that they changed things. I always stand by media in its original, purest form, no matter where in the world that media came from. localization absolutely should fix things caused by language barriers and tweak oddly sounding things - sometimes there's no choice! but it's not there to create a newly existing piece of media. it's not there to create a new character plastered on the face of an existing character or to fulfill the loc team's opinion of what that character should be.
it can be difficult - usually impossible - for me to be experiencing JP exclusive content and trying to imagine dub Yuri in those situations (think like, the drama CDs or Rays' content). I know I'm not the only person who feels this way and is extremely bothered by it.
obviously I'm not the be all end all - I'm one person with feelings and opinions, but I just feel very strongly about this kind of thing and I want to share how wonderful of a character Yuri is in his original form. a lot of the clips I posted I posted because I love his silly or caring attitude. I could blab to you about him forever. so, I hope more people will give this man a chance and experience him the way I know him.
#GTF Vesperia Localization Woes#like... I don't want the loc team's biases in my fuckin' games. I want the game the way it was created by the original creator(s)#localization doesn't exist to completely alter things you personally want altered#and again I don't know what went on in that loc room but there's /no/ way those changes were accidents. not a chance.#you don't change THAT much context and personality and go oh haha we made a few tl errors#like no I /know/ where the actual tl errors were lol Yuri was a /choice/ and I /hate/ that#and like again... this isn't just a Tales locs suck thing either. I went through Graces in both Eng/JP#and while I admit my memory is a bit fuzzy on the dub bc it's been a long while now#(I prefer it in JP but that's not related to the loc itself)#I don't recall any insanely vast differences between the two versions or any active censorship between Richard and Asbel#they changed like... Cheria's favorite food from I think like yakisoba to chicken bc that's a cultural thing#not smth I personally would've felt needed changing but I /get/ it#but my point is that that loc team did - from my memory - a great job of keeping things to the point and not changing characters#and honestly? as a Richard fan? thank fucking god for that I couldn't handle another Yuri incident LMAO
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scare the hoes more and keep yapping about ekky (& others) getting used to maffhew, it delights me. and say even more about how sasha handles this feral and sweet omega that gets dropped into his orbit. smth smth “feels like i’ve known him 10 years” or whatever vows sasha recited to the press, cameras, and god
apparently we are taking more tumblr user ratatatastic abo yap thoughts for 500 may god hear our screams up wherever he is. big man in the sky you fuckin owe me one.
i think theres so much in particular to say in concerns of 1619 and how quickly they gelled irl but even more so in an abo au
ive always enjoyed when people assign matthew stronger scents that take getting used to if you don't like it already and i know ive read a fic where his scent notes did skew towards stronger cinnamon foods/drinks
anyways on that note it wouldnt surprise me that sasha takes so easy to this spicy little omega.
Like of course he does, he smells like the pastries he used to eat back at home, the pastries he eats now because he's found an established Finnish bakery down here that makes them homemade every morning, the bakery he likes to frequent with the other Finns when he can.
Is it ever a wonder that the cute omega that sent him such a terribly sweet text when the trade news broke out (you know, after the initial excitement worn off because Sasha does chuckle at memory of the brash "Fucking, right!" that pinged on his phone the very first time from an unknown number) smells like... home... No matter all the rumours that have swirled around Matthew, the rumours Sasha has personally experienced himself playing against him...he smells nostalgic. Like Sasha could be at home right now—you know, home home—lounging outside his cottage with tea and pastries on the little table that he's set out. The warm cinnamon that wafts from the typically sterile room they've assigned for pressers smells divine, for lack of a better word. It smells indulgent. Because Sasha can't have those homely pastries all the time, what, with his training regiment.
It's why he doesn't quite believe it that Matthew's the one that's the centre of it all. He's absolutely convinced he's hallucinating because the season is about to start and he's had to cut back on all his favourite sweets as much as it pains him to but for the betterment of the team? He'd do anything. And yet despite the way he rubs at his nose to at least try to clear it, he smells that cinnamon. That cinnamon that's definitely coming from new omega they traded over who's laughing so obnoxiously at the lectern they have set up that if his scent didn't catch your attention, his loud mannerisms certainly did. His voice is practically bouncing off the walls in big loud echoes that should hurt Sasha’s ears. Emphasis on should. As it is he finds his heart melting more than it should instead.
It's been quite a long time since someone's scent has moved him this much. All the people that have, have been in his life for so long he's forgotten what it's like to feel instant scent compatibility. His nostrils are flaring and he's trying his best not to open his mouth to huff in big gulps of it because it's rather impolite to be so obviously scenting the new guy. It could be misconstrued as Sasha taking offence to the new presence in the room.
Some part of his brain is still trying to catch up to the idea that Matthew even smells at all because the first time he met him (down here for some joint offseason ice-time) he didn't particularly smell like much, if at all really. Whether it's because he put on blockers to not intrude on pack territory until he smelled more like them, or he was still on suppressants even in the summer, Sasha wasn't sure and he definitely wasn't going to ask about it.
Known him for 10 years? He feels like he's known him his whole life. But 10's a safe number, 10's a number that won't scare off this new omega, right? 10's a number that conveys "As Captain I want this to work out, I'm opening up my pack for you, I won't shun you, you're welcome here," and not "If I stick my nose in your neck right now to scent you, they're gonna have to forcibly evict me from the new home I've found in you, and it's not gonna be a pretty outcome."
It's also why he's a little nervous when Media Day is over because despite how much it dragged along in years past it practically blitzed by and now Sasha has to—
You know, properly scent the new addition. Give them the purring acceptance of their Pack leader's scent to carry with them. And it's nothing big, it's just some chaste wrist rubbing... something subtle and not too overwhelming for everyone: the pack, and the newcomer alike. It's not like Sasha is going to mouth at Matthew's neck glands. He doesn't think he can even handle that right now but that's a problem for future Sasha—for when Matthew is really part of the pack and not like a goldfish in a plastic bag being dunked into an aquarium to get used to the water temperature. He just has to rub his wrist against his, it's like basic Alpha etiquette. It'll be fine, mostly. He hopes.
And it's as anticlimactic as he thought it'd be: gentle reintroductions and reignited chatter of excitement about the new season that's about to start... maybe just with the new lingering scent of sweet and spice in the background as if someone lit up a candle without Sasha even noticing it. It's a struggle to keep his eyes from closing from how heavy they feel, from how relaxed he feels in the presence of this new omega he knows has pissed him off on several occasions as composed as he was about it.
Matthew presents his wrist in a flourish successfully managing to divert his attention back to what they're supposed to be doing all alone like this in the dressing room like this, "I'm sure you've been dying to do this huh, Cap?"
Sweat starts to break out at the back of his neck. He knows? Sasha doesn't think he's been sending off any signals that could've hinted otherwise but Sasha admits that he's well out of practise, he hasn't had to reign in his scent this much in such a long time, and maybe Matthew picked up his weird fixation—
Matthew waggles his eyebrows for extra effect an offbeat later when the joke doesn't seem to land the way he wanted it to.
Oh, thank Christ, he's just teasing him. It's a joke. He doesn't actually mean it in the way Sasha thought he meant.
"Yes. Yes, I have," Sasha chuckles in relief, shaking his head at Matthew's attempt to lighten the mood.
"10 years, or so I've heard, bud."
"You heard? Uh, listened to the..." he trails off.
"Kinda hard not to when the setup made it sound like you were in the middle of the Earth, my guy. I don't think my ears are ever gonna recover from that."
"It's the first day for everyone," Sasha lightly chastises, not particularly aggrieved at all but wanting to keep up the banter to stall for time, so he can prepare himself. Quite honestly he feels like travelled back in time to the young anxious Alpha he was breaking out into the league for the first time.
"Be gentle, I bruise easily."
"Right, gentle. I'll treat you better than my clothes on the delicate cycle."
"Is that supposed to be a line?" Matthew says in glee, his voice pitching into incredulity.
"Line like fishing?"
"Oh, come on! You know what I'm talking about! You've been in this country long enough to pick up on that!"
"Yes, yes, that."
Matthew shoves at his shoulder playfully. "Just go on and do the thing already."
"Doing the thing."
Matthew snorts but his wrist is limp in Sasha’s hold. And as much as it was a dumb joke he does feel delicate between his fingers like that. So delicate that when he rubs his own wrist against his—to transfer over their pack scent—he feels like he's going to break it if he holds onto it for too long. It's why he drops it as quick as he took it, hands scrambling to his sides in an effort to remain polite but also to get a handle on himself so his pheromones don't go haywire with the new stimulus. It's a bit of a losing battle because he knows his scent just. But he can play it off as the excitement of an Alpha being able to claim another member to his pack, it's a possessive kind of thing.
"Well, see you around! Call it a hunch but I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of each other." And the joke wasn't funny the first time, truly the equivalent of leaning on the office fax machine and going "You come here often?" to your coworkers who just want to get their work done—and just as sleazy too with the greasy grin Matthew has permanently stuck to his face but Sasha still laughs like he did the first time he heard it.
And it's only now that Matthew is gone that Sasha realises the room smells strongly of cinnamon, so potent that anyone with a working nose would be able to tell that. Like Matthew was doing his best to ease Sasha’s obvious nerves when Sasha should've been the one to calm the omega who's been uprooted from their own pack and thrown into a completely new environment, himself.
"Jesus, it reeks in here. Smells like cinnamon," Aaron wrinkles his nose, wandering back in after his own media duties were done, finding Sasha all alone in the locker rooms.
"It does?" Like he can't tell the room smells like the equivalent of someone knocking over a Yankee Candle into an open fire.
"Yeah, like an awful lot." Aaron scrunching up his nose, trying to fight off an incoming sneeze. "It's strong," he says without thinking, swallows before his eyes shift over to Sasha and then to the floor, "Not bad just... strong..." The I can get used to it is left unspoken between them.
"I like it," Sasha admits because if Aaron is confessing to things without thinking then he might as well too. They've known each other long enough.
"I can tell." Aaron snorts, "You reek too."
Sasha lets out a questioning little noise, tilts his head to the side as he silently urges Aaron to continue.
"You have no idea what cinnamon and cardamom smell like together, do you? I feel like I walked into a bakery when I should be at the gym right now."
"Is that bad?"
"For you? No, of course not," Aaron's eyes soften, and while his scent wasn't anywhere close to abrasive, it does lighten up just a tad bit in the presence of his pack Alpha. "For me? I'd rather dunk my head in a bucket of coffee beans." A bit of an exaggeration on Aaron's part but the wry grin he has on really adds to the fact he's just joking—just a little, maybe there's some truth hidden in there. He knows how Aaron is, the way he tries to downplay anytime he bristles about something. Peace and vibes, and all that.
So Sasha can joke as well, "Forsy's stall is over there," and motions his head towards it across the room.
"Oh, hilarious."
"If I was funny I would say jock."
"You know, what? I think I will hit the gym today, thanks for reminding me."
"Mmm, anytime." And when Aaron's half out the door he adds, "Ask the staff where they put the jerseys we used today!"
"I'm going! To the gym!" he echoes back, not bothering to turn around as he shuffles down the hall in a hurry, and decidedly not going in the direction of the gym. It's not surprising when he hears chatter pick up and shoes scuffing briskly into the direction of the laundry rooms.
#ask#instead of actually writing the things i wanted to get done i did this instead thanks guys#not to “controversially new hot younger girlfriend” maffhew but im gonna#timeline here doesnt make sense like quote wise so like you know#chat... matthew was not joking when he said well be seeing more of each other#he was fully intending to sit on that knot the first time he saw sasha#sasha is just dumb#god can you just imagine the ways in which maffhew would drive this nice polite alpha absolutely insane#can you imagine the way sasha accidently brushes his hand across the back of his neck because hes trying to wrap an arm around his shoulder#in camaraderie and sasha is so apologetic about it because dynamic classes in finland are intense and hes so remorseful about it#and then in the midst of all that maffhew just turns into this little purr machine and sasha is like oh i think i touched a button i should#not have touched at all oh god oh fuck#and maffhews like mmm? whyd you stop#pan to sasha silently freaking out#not to say sasha doesnt enjoy scruffing his omegas because they love it but he hasnt met one who enjoys it as much as maffhew does#and it kinda fucks him up#also speaking to ekky getting used to maffhews scent like oh boy i can see sooooo many ways that can go down like maffhew is respectful#of ekkys boundaries but also at some point ekky has had enough time to mope and for lack of a better word he does need to grow up#which is why maffhew starts off subtly you know standing on the dman side of the lockers for a few minutes. chatting up the guys over there#before ekky walks in you know leave a ghost of his scent around. its not strong and its not offensive but it certainly is there#eventually he just full on starts chucking his dirty socks at ekky after games#going oops sorry missed the bin didnt mean to snipe you (he absolutely did. he gets extra points if he hits ekkys face!)#sometimes a stray jersey too. if he really wants to make ekky mad he will just slingshot his biohazard-in-training-jock over.#i also think when ekky gets the yips when he starts pacing a little harder than usual when his chuckles turn a little too nervous#maffhew has enough and just like a worried hen of a men just manhandles ekky around in his arms and shoves at him till he puts his nose#in his neck and ekkys arguing the whole time like this isnt necessary im fine-#and matthews like right im sure thats why your teeth are chattering worse than a fucking woodchipper eh?#ekky cant really reply to that and maffhew tells him to just shut up and start sniffing#and it does help and he hates that he admits maffhew was right that he just needed to be clucked over by another omega#opening yapdoras box the lot of you. utterly awful. I HAVE THINGS TO DOOOOOOOOOOOO
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So, I was getting ready for bed, as I am Old™, and I have work tomorrow at Oh God Why The Fuck Am I Awake O'Clock. I looked at myself in the mirror, I realized: this is the look I was going for when I was designing Scarlet, my character in the Lancer game I'm currently in.
Hair tied back in a ponytail with loose frizzy bits along the edges, heavy bags under the eyes, the tired expression of a suicidally depressed alcoholic, faint scar across the nose from when it got broke that one time.
That is exactly the look I was trying to convey. Except my art skills are... y'know... kinda crap.
Also, I don't have red hair.
And Scarlet doesn't have disgusting, unshaven stubble.
And I'm not a mech pilot.
And... well.
Yeah.
#Lancer RPG#In Golden Flame#Xeans' IGF campaign#I don't know why I'm posting this thought#I certainly don't know what that last line is supposed to represent#Definitely no unexamined feelings or thoughts going on here#Which is technically correct#Just not ready to admit it in public#So obviously I'm going to post a picture of the face I hate with some easily decipherable thoughts in the tags for anyone to see#No sir nothing to see here officer#These aren't the droids you're looking for#I'll probably delete this in the morning when I think better of it#But the damage will almost certainly be done by then#Oh well
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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