#oh the things id let him do

[catz4ever]

SAVE. ME.

If he looked at me like that...it would be over.

[lxndonorris]

pov: warming up with charles

[monkesupreme]

ref

a satisfactory answer for Selina

[prodbyton]

permission to bounce on it sir…

[skitskatdacat63]

Fernando Alonso × Unconventional Drinking Implements

[newwavebeastie]

oh boy i sure love me a holy man

[w1shb0n3z]

I know he smells RANK in canon. But please. I just wanna put my face into his beard and fall asleep and cry. I'll wash his hair for him and brush it every day

[ajdrawshq]

i can almost guarantee ive said it before but. he would thrive in a zero escape game

[domoz]

Founders have me writing like crazy it seems. Another fic, cw for child abuse in this one. It gets nasty.

It's a beautiful spring evening when Hashirama decides that he needs to kill his father.

When his legs give out for the fifth time, Hashirama isn't able to force himself up again.

To say chichiue had been unhappy with what had happened at the Naka River would be an understatement. Hashirama had kept his head bowed through a long, long lecture, insisted over and over that he hadn't known because ignorance might be the only thing that could save him.

Punishment has been brutal, regardless. He's been taking his smaller than usual meals alone in his room, and even those have been more sparse than usual, because every waking has been consumed with ceaseless training.

"When you see that boy on the battlefield, you'll kill him."

Hashirama shudders and turns his face into the dirt. He won't, and that will probably end up worse for him than this, but that still isn't enough to make him willing to do it.

(Madara was like him. Madara wanted peace. Peace could mean that no one would be forced to do something like this ever again).

For the moment, though, Hashirama can't get his legs to cooperate. Today he'd been training his mokuton ('until you have enough wood to rebuild the whole compound twice over'), and he'd tried, he always tries, but he's never, not in his life, been this low on chakra before. The lack of it makes him feel dizzy and nauseous and cold, seems to amplify all the aches and pains of the last few days. He'd pulled a splinter out of his hand earlier and the spot has been aching and stinging for hours when normally he would have forgotten about it minutes after it happened.

He's exhausted and miserable, and his eyes are burning with unshed tears because letting them fall will mean he probably doesn’t even get to eat tonight. He's already going to be in trouble enough for falling again--

"Boy, you better not be taking a break." Butsuma's voice calls, far away as first but getting louder, "You're not even halfway done."

Hashirama's voice catches in his parched throat -- he's got no idea whether it'll be safer for him to admit the truth or make an excuse. Before he can decide, his brother's voice chimes in, and oh he hadn't even known Tobirama was here.

"Chichiue, he's low on chakra." It's said so matter-of-fact that Hashirama can't tell if he's being judged for it or not. But he's really not the happiest with Tobirama right now and in a poor mood anyways so all he feels at the comment Is a spike of anger harsh enough to send the tears he's been hold back spilling down his cheeks.

Why did you have to tell him that? Why do you keep ruining things?

Butsuma clicks his tongue.

"Shameful. But low chakra is not a reason for him to be on his back. Or crying."

Hashirama can only see the purpling sky, but he can hear the sneer in his father's voice.

"I just don't know what to do with you, boy. Maybe a real punishment is in order. To start with, no meals until you're done with this."

Hashirama stifles a sob. Fuck, but he's hungry. There's a heavy sigh from his father, but it's Tobirama's voice he hears next.

"Chichiue, is that… Wise?"

There is a heavy pause; Hashirama musters the strength to lift his head and is treated to a sight he wishes wasn't familiar. Tobirama's thin back is between him and Butsuma. His arms are crossed this time, but Hashirama knows his intent. His little brother trying to protect him, again.

This is your fault in the first place! A wounded part of his heart screams, but already he feels guilty for the thought.

(How was Tobirama to know who he'd been meeting? How was he to do anything but worry when his brother kept disappearing so soon after their last one had died? How was he to say no to an order?)

"It's just --" Tobirama's voice is uncharacteristically hesitant, "Harsh training is well and good, but if he's not able to recover his strength then he won't be able to act should an emergency happen. Right now, he'd be useless in a battle."

There is a weighty silence, one that stretches on long enough that it makes Hashirama's heart flutter with hope -- maybe Tobirama's words have managed to convince him, again.

"I have no intention of letting him go to battle until I'm sure he's learned his lesson." Another pause, and then "…You're more troublesome than you let on, boy."

Those words aren't meant for Hashirama. Tobirama stiffens just enough to be perceptible, and if Hashirama can see it in the state that he's in, there's no way that Butsuma missed it.

"That's what I thought. Tobirama, on your knees. I think you both need to understand something."

Tobirama hesitates for the barest moment before sinking down. He knows better than to protest in this situation. Hashirama struggles to roll over enough to see what is happening. To see how Butsuma has knelt down across from Tobirama to grab his chin in a bruising grip, how Tobirama's hands are fisted tight in the fabric of his pants.

"When I teach you that shinobi aren't to show emotions, what I mean is that they can't let their feelings affect their decisions." He forces Tobirama's face to turn, to meet Hashirama's wide eyes with his own, "But if you had taken that lesson to heart you would have seen how much better off your brother would be if he understood. You may hide what you feel, but I can see now how much you let those feelings rule you. You'd rather spare your brother pain than have him grow stronger and survive."

Butsuma reaches for a pouch and, and with his other hand he draws out a kunai. Tobirama doesn't struggle as it's pushed to his cheek, but instead goes very, very still. Hashirama's stomach swoops -- he wouldn't, he wouldn't--

"And you, Hashirama… I don't know what to do about that bleeding heart of yours. But you need to understand, if you're going to open yourself up to whatever poor kid with a sob story you meet in the woods you need to be strong enough to make certain that it can't hurt you."

He squeezes Tobirama's face, applies pressure. The kunai bites deep into his brother's cheek. Tobirama jerks in his hold and lets out an awful, warbled whine before cutting himself off.

"Stop." Begs Hashirama, voice breaking, He tries to push himself up only for his arms to give out from under him, "Stop it. Stop it!"

"If you want it to stop --" Says Butsuma, forcing Tobirama's face to turn the other direction and digging the kunai in to the other side, perfectly matching the first cut. "-- Then stop me. Get strong enough to stop me."

But Hashirama can't stand up. There's no sudden burst of strength -- he used that up ages ago. All he can manage is to drag himself a few inches forward through the dirt, fingers just able to reach where a spot of blood (his brother's blood!) has been flung to the ground.

"Please." His voice is hoarse, "Please, I understand. Please stop."

The look Butsuma levels at him is cold, a frown that says he doesn't believe him.

He tilts up Tobirama's head, cuts a final slash into his chin, before letting go. Standing up, stepping back, uncaring of the way his son has dropped to the ground like a puppet with it's strings cut.

"Guard your heart or grow strong enough to keep it safe, Hashirama. Those are your options."

He turns, leaves them alone on the training field under a rapidly darkening sky. It's only when he's out of sight that Hashirama feels sensation return to his limbs, feels just how hard his heart is pounding. Hears the near silent drip of blood onto the ground from Tobirama --

His breath hitches but he can't lose his head yet, his brother, his last baby brother, still hasn't moved.

"Tobi." He calls roughly, but there's still no reaction, "Tobi. Tobirama!"

When he finally pulls himself close enough, he reaches for his brother's hand, ignores the way it's trembling and sticky with blood (so much blood but it's fine, Tobirama has to be fine, head wounds just bleed more than most--). Only when he touches Tobirama does his brother react. Jerks away from him -- finally looks at him, but it's with eyes that are completely empty.

"We can't." Tobirama's voice is quiet. It cracks, but his little brother does not cry, even now, "He's waiting to see what we'll do."

Waiting to see if they'll turn to each other, he means.

"Tobi…" He calls, as Tobirama mechanically pushes himself to his feet, pulls his hand away. He wants to do something, needs to do something, to make this even a little okay, but he knows Tobirama is right, that if they try to help each other now the lesson will only repeat itself.

Tobirama shakes his head, walks towards the main house with his head ducked low, leaving a trail of blood behind him.

And Hashirama still can't force himself onto his feet to follow.

He falls back onto the dirt, throat tight. A few more tears spill out, but not many. He doesn't have anything left in him to cry.

He feels -- empty. He thinks he should be feeling more but all that's left behind his breastbone is hollow. And if he feels like this, than Tobirama must be…

He broke something, Hashirama thinks hysterically, He broke something in me and I think he might have broken Tobirama, too.

There's a bile building in the back of his throat as the realizations hit him. He can't let that happen again, won't survive if it does.

If you want to stop me, then stop me. Get strong enough to stop me.

That had been the lesson. Maybe Hashirama can finally learn this one.

The determination to build peace and a village had made him feel warm. The determination to do this settles like lead in his guts.

If any of his dreams are going to happen, he needs to get strong enough to stop his father.

[neversetyoufree]

Hey! In your recent post about Noè and asexuality, you mentioned there being more evidence displaying that Vanitas finds Noè attractive than vice versa. As soon as I read it, I found myself agreeing but when I stopped to think about it I couldn't recall a panel that really suggests that, off the top of my head. This also isn't a view I have seen a lot of other vnc fans talk about so I'd really appreciate if you could expand on it / unpack it a bit more. Anyway, love your blog!

[Image Description: An anonymous tumblr ask. It reads: "Hi! I have just recently found your Tumblr blog and have been loving all your analyses. I only found out about the vnc manga a few months ago and some of your posts have been so useful in explaining some deeper themes/subtext that I was confused about. I was reading your ace Noé post and saw that you mentioned that there is more canon evidence that supports Vanitas finding Noé attractive than the other way around. I was hoping you could expand on this?" End ID.]

First of all, thank you both so much for your kind words! It makes me so genuinely happy to hear that y'all like what I post.

And for anyone curious, here's the ace Noé post that both anons mention.

Now as for your question, that's kind of a difficult one. I said that there's more evidence for Vanitas being attracted to Noé than vice versa (in terms of traditional physical attraction, not blood stuff), and I do stand by that. However, Noé has shown pretty much no physical attraction to Vanitas in non-blood contexts, and more than zero doesn't necessarily mean a lot. This whole post is going to be tiny details and subtext, because "Vanitas is attracted to Noé" is definitely not a major or certain thing.

That said, I do think you can make an argument for the idea.

For starters, let's go with the classic Vanoé bait panel: Vanitas's reaction to Noé's excitement over Paris.

Vanitas is at his most performative in the early chapters of VnC, and though he does sometimes act borderline flirtatious (like when he gets up in Noé's personal space to poke him in the chest), I'm not inclined to give those moments actual weight. It's all too much a part of Vanitas's act to be good evidence for real feelings of attraction.

However, in this particular scene, that argument doesn't hold. Vanitas will play up his flirty persona in order to change the subject when he gets uncomfortable, but there's no reason for him to do that here. There's no need for him to change the subject, and Noé's not paying him any attention. His expression here is just his genuine reaction, not part of a performance made to influence Noé, and it's such a fond reaction!

Vanitas has only just met Noé, but here he is so softly entertained by Noé's glee. It speaks to an immediate draw to and enjoyment of Noé on Vanitas's part, and that doesn't have to mean romantic attraction, but it certainly fits well with that argument. Noé is extremely cute here, and Vanitas likes that about him. Make of that what you will.

Even more than that scene, though I think the most explicit moment of Vanitas's attraction is one of his reactions in the bell tower.

In the middle of Noé's speech to Vanitas in chapter 11, he smiles at him properly for the first time. This is also when we the audience first see Noé smile for the outside of a flashback, so you know that that moment is important both for Noé and to Mochijun. And it also makes quite an impact on Vanitas.

Noé tells Vanitas that he wants to stick with him and see out his "salvation" mission, and then there's an extra beat, a panel for just Noé's smile, and only then do we see Vanitas's reaction to all this.

He's so struck! Noé has a huge effect on Vanitas in this moment, even before he's finished his whole speech. His words have a big part of it, of course they do, but the way the page is paced (with an extra, albeit cropped panel for that smile) makes me think that Noé's appearance itself is also pretty key for provoking that reaction. If the way Noé looks while smiling didn't need extra emphasis, Mochijun could've given him the smile in the panel above these where he's speaking, rather than give it its own shot.

Noé looks at Vanitas like this for the first time, and Vanitas's eyes go wide with awe. Because Noé is a goddamned vision. It's even more apparent in the animated version, because the animators weren't bound by paneling constraints and could show us Noé's whole face.

I have had irl lesbian friends tell me how attractive they find Noé in this moment lmao. He's just pretty. So I don't think it's unreasonable to say that Vanitas, in this moment, is affected by how pretty Noé is. Absolutely anyone would be.

It isn't irrefutable proof that he's in love with or generally lusting after the guy, but it is a good argument for a moment of appearance-based attraction, which is something we haven't really seen from Noé toward Vanitas. (We've had Noé staring at him in awe when he does his Book stuff, but never an "oh shit he's hot" moment like this one).

There might be other small moments as well, but these are just the two big ones that I can remember with out combing back through the manga in detail. And though there's no certainty here, these are a pair of scenes that can be read as Vanitas being very struck by Noé's appearance in a way that I don't think we've gotten in reverse.

Any positive number is still more than zero, lmao.

[newwavebeastie]

GRRRR I LOVE BEING NEURODIVERGENT

[aria0fgold]

I thiiink I processed a bit of my thoughts bout OFF but like, my mind was blown so there isn't much in it. One thing bout it though is that I really love the music in this game, like I be jamming to the battle music it sound so cool and catchy and it's actually stuck in my head. I also love the puzzles in the game, it's not too hard and it's also so nice to do! (I say that but I brute forced at least 2 puzzles. The puzzles right before Zone 1 and Zone 2's bosses... Trial and error even though the key to the puzzle was Right in the area but lazy in I don't wanna go back to look).

Also I love how, even if the game doesn't seem like much, it was hella enjoyable for me, must be cuz of the music. Like, I'd walk around so much finding a bunch of stuff and then battles happen with some banger music and it honestly felt like I just played that game for like a hour even though it was way more than that. Like, I really really enjoyed it.

For the story of the game... I have no idea what story is supposed to be there. But throughout it, whenever the Batter purifies a zone I start doubting if it's the right thing cuz everything looks so... lifeless... Like yeah sure, the spectres are also pretty bad and killing the poor Elsens, also doesn't help how Dedan makes the poor guys so stressed too but I was thinking if there was at least another way than just purifying everything but I'm stuck with the Batter. By the end the Judge saying that I'm the puppeteer but honestly I felt like more of the puppet for some reason.

I'm stuck with the Batter my guy, I won't proceed at all unless I do things that aligns with the Batter's mission. And in either endings, it's all bad in a way that, what's done is done. Choosing the Judge doesn't reverse anything, the world is completely lifeless and "purified," so in the end it's better to just keep being with the Batter and finish what we started. Which is pretty cool cuz I kept wondering Why was the game called OFF and then seeing the Batter ending and I'm like: OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH (it was the first thing that blew my mind).

Like, I feel like this game's story got A Lot of stuff for me to know (Time to read through what everyone's theories are. I'm not really good with those so I always enjoy reading everyone else's). Like, the thing that I kiiinda get is that there's a lonely child who doesn't like his dad and prefers his mom but the mom doesn't even visit him much. He made 3 friends which he turned into guardians of the zones, and a mom regarded as the Queen. And then there's Batter which I feel like was based off of Boxxer in that comic that the kid was given to by his dad. And like, gestures vaguely, yeah, it's neat :D (my train of thought broke I don't remember what I was going with that).

[emafallsinlove]

i want him

[weaselishmcdiesel]

listening to wade's secret words and bob said "you know what's dangerous about technology thinking you're a clever boy and thinking you can build your own computer you don't know what pain is until you've bent pins on a cpu" tee hee ^_^ i guess that makes me a clever boy

[kakushino]

I wanna know what that tongue does

Lick the lollipop.

[idiaa-shroxd]

Unfortunately I don't play Genshin anymore due to storage problems BUT IM ALSO A WANDERER MAIN LMAO AND OMFG THANK YOY VERY MUCH FOR THE COMPLIMENT COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO'S ONE OF MY FAV AUTHORS AND YES FARUZAN SUPREMACY AAAAAAAAAAA ILY SM<333

I'm literally going crazy bc you replied to my crazed fan ask HAHAHAHAHA

\(//∇//)\ i am definitely not responding late!! i perceive time like a normal human would.. and that’s so crazy!! ♡

i have loved wanderer since maybe my first time hearing his existence?? i’m not a day-one-er but quite close! so glad he did not get signora’d. if you play on mobile you can try deleting the app and redownloading because the clear old files option doesn’t actually clear everything, and sometimes a redownload may be able to fit within your storage! i absolutely adore faruzan though!! peak character design even if she is genshin’s hatsune miku, not complaining though i think her glass looking dress-skirt is amazing. (*´∀`)♪

i’m happy to be able to talk and respond to people!! getting asks just talking to me or people sending things like how they think my writing style is pretty makes me super happy!! so i’m equally as fanboy-ing when you and others talk to me!! ╰(*´︶`*)╯