#oh so much so much anyway i quite like how this turned out like my art boy (gn) đ„ș
Ashes, Ashes | One | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader
masterlist | prologue | next chapter
Synopsis: In which Maverick didnât make it home after the Uranium mission. Heâs missing, presumed dead. There are things that have to be done â someone has to take care of the house, the bills.
So, Maverickâs daughter is back in Fightertown for the first time since she was in elementary school. Thereâs a gaping hole in both of their lives now, and somehow, the worldâs supposed to just keep on turning without him.
Warnings: mitchell!reader, no physical descriptors other than the implication that Bradley is taller, no use of YN, age gap (23/33), smut, angst, hurt / comfort, mentions of character death, mourning, military inaccuracies. This entire fic and my blog is an 18+ space, minors do not interact. Do not repost.
âŠ
Crossing the threshold into Maverickâs home doesnât come naturally to either one of you. This place is something that you had both left behind. Outgrown. Itâs solely his. Itâs not your home and it has never been, until now. Now, youâre stuck here until things are figured out.
On that fourteen hour drive down to San Diego, you had a lot of time to think. How long is a person supposed to wait for a body to turn up before they go ahead and throw the funeral without it?
Three paces into the hallway, brown wood floors and white walls, youâre met with a smiling family picture. Only, youâre not in it.Â
Because, itâs not a picture of Peteâs family. Pete doesnât have a family. Pete Mitchell has a daughter from a one night stand with a married woman.
This picture is of a real family. Hung on the wall opposite the front door is a picture of Nick and Carole Bradshaw holding their infant son. Heâs bald and gummy. Theyâre grinning and showing him off like a prize trophy â so proud of him even though all he did in those days was drool and pee himself.Â
These days, their infant son is up to more important things. Their infant son grew to an upsettingly grand height and is carrying two of your bags in one hand behind you today.
âCâmon, Mitchell â these are heavy.â Bradley huffs softly from behind you, reminding you that youâre standing stationary and blocking his path.Â
The nickname stings you. Your name isnât Mitchell because your biological father had wanted it to be. Itâs Mitchell solely because your motherâs husband knew you werenât his and would rather die before letting you take his name.
You shrug your duffel bag closer to your body and turn left. Bradley huffs under the weight of your luggage from behind you, watching you walk your cute butt in completely the wrong direction. âWait, where are you going?â
Not struggling at all under the weight of your single duffel bag, you turn slowly to face him and frown slightly. âMy room.âÂ
You donât remember Bradley. Not in your own memories, anyway. You know he was around, youâve seen him in pictures but the image in your head doesnât match. Not quite right. Like puzzle pieces bent and forced together.
Heâs taller than he looked at his high school graduation, which sits pictured and framed above Mavâs mantle. Older, but thatâs to be expected. Up close, he looks more like his mother than his father. A slight bump in his nose and scars, nicely healed, but jagged and raised nonetheless dusted his cheek and his throat.Â
Even with all those differences, thereâs a familiarity to him that makes this all feel a little bit less suffocating.
Bradleyâs brows draw together. He gives a small nod in the direction of the spare room. âThatâs⊠I usually stayed in that room.â
âOh.â You hum. With Bradley being ten years your senior, the room was his long before it was yours. With him growing up so close by, it was probably his much more frequently than it was yours. Itâs not like you kept anything here anyway. Itâs just a guest room that you would occupy every now and again.
Thereâs a brief quiet between you.Â
âI just figured you could take the big room. âTil you get settled. Iâll go home once your car is fixed, if thatâs what you want.â Bradley adds on. That sad little look on your face is killing him.Â
The big room. The loft room upstairs. Youâre pretty sure that youâve never even been upstairs in this house.
âYouâre staying too?âÂ
Oh. Yeah. He hadnât addressed that point yet. Truthfully, he hadnât even been planning to stay. He hasnât even packed an overnight bag. But, from the second that you stepped out of the car and looked up at the house with that look on your face, he hadnât even considered leaving you here alone.
âJust âtil we get your car fixed,â He offers with a small shrug. âIâll be here to run you around until then.â
Like heâs doing this for your sake. Natasha has her own life to get back to and Bradley canât stand the thought of going back to his apartment alone.Â
âOkay,â You agree, turning to peer down the hall towards the spare room. Itâs nothing special â it really never felt like yours. âAlright, Iâll take Peteâs room.â
Pete. You call Maverick âPeteâ now.Â
Bradley just nods, shifting the weight of your bags and nodding for you to head for the stairs. All the floors in this house are tan oak. The entryway is now herringbone. With the help of a friend, Pete had done the entire thing himself.Â
Of course, as you walk silently across it, neither one of you would know that. Neither one of you was speaking to him last May, which was why he had needed a project in the first place.
Natashaâs outside on the phone. Bradleyâs footsteps thud on the wood of the stairs behind you, following you up. You stop at the top, leaving just enough room for Bradley to stand there behind you.
The door to Maverickâs room is open. His bed is made. Thereâs a book thrown on top of it, the spine cracked and used, the pages yellow from years out in the sun.
âNo way is he still trying to fucking finish War and Peace.â Bradley steps around you with your bags in his hands and heads straight for the book. Pete started this book before Bradley finished elementary school. Bradley twists and looks back at you. âHe always gets bored and stops reading, then forgets his page and starts again.â
Another slow nod. One foot in front of the other, your shoes along the tan oak floors. Your fingers trail the white walls. Maverick wouldnât have minded. This place was always messy before. Itâs not now.Â
This house is vacant and quiet, but itâs far from empty. Itâs filled to the brim, practically pulling apart at the seams with everything that Maverick was and planned to be. He was finishing War and Peace â he made it to chapter 253 this time; further than he had ever made it before.Â
Your throat is thick with the knowledge that all you knew Maverick to be, is now all that heâll ever be. An absent father, a fantastic pilot, a lousy cook. A thousand more things that youâll never know.
Four days of knowing, a fourteen hour drive down here, and itâs a book that stings like a cold slap to the face, reminding you of why exactly it is that youâre here.
Fire burns behind your eyes, blistering and stinging as Bradley sets your bags on the floor with a soft thud.
He turns with his attention completely on the book, his fingers extending towards the peeling cover of the paperback. His fingers curl around its weathered pages and he lifts it tenderly, examining the front at first.
Itâs too early to start this process bawling your eyes out, and you refuse to let Russian Literature be your downfall, again. That thick feeling sits in your throat like a stack of weights as you sit down on the end of Maverickâs bed. The mattress is soft, taking your weight without a squeak of complaint. Maybe he finally listened to you and got a bed that wasnât so harsh on his back.
Itâs been almost two years since you even set foot in this house last. If you had known that Maverick was going to be gone this soon⊠you sit and think to yourself about if you would have maybe visited more. Probably not.
âIâll change the sheets and stuff, then Iâll get out of your hair for a bit.â
Lifting your head, you blink at him. He has already started to pull back the comforter and strip the bottom sheet from the bed, awkwardly forcing you onto your feet again.Â
Mobile once more, you turn slowly to take in your surroundings. This is Maverickâs room. Itâs his house, you were prepared for that much â but this is his room. The last thing you want is to be alone in it all night.
âOh. Sure,â You nod, setting into motion to help take the sheets off. You watch him instead of what youâre doing.Â
Heâs so methodical about it, like none of this phases him at all. But then, youâve not seen how he has been for the past few days. âI was thinking of just ordering food tonight, since Iâm kinda tired â and Pete never had groceries. Would you want⊠to maybe join?â
âSure.â Bradley nods, tugging the pillows out of the cases. He glances up to you with a strictly polite, neutral smile. Quiet settles between the two of you until the bed is just a bare mattress and uncovered pillows.Â
Thereâs a moment of total stillness between the two of you. Your gaze flickers up, meeting his, and the realization settles between the two of you. Maverickâs favourite cologne was a French thing that some woman in the eighties had liked. Citrus in the shade of cypress wood. The scent fills the room like heâs standing between the two of you.
Bradley glances down at the white sheets in his hands. The snowy white peaks of those mountains, Maverickâs aircraft spiralling into them, engulfed in flames. In a sick way, Bradley hopes that he didnât manage to eject. At least then, it would have been instant. Maverick wouldnât have felt anything.
You watch his adamâs apple bob in his throat from the other side of the bed. The last you had heard, Mav and Bradley werenât on speaking terms. You wonder if this is as weird for him as it is for you.
âIâll put these in the washer. You can⊠unpack, or whatever.â He decides finally, already taking one step backwards, headed for the door. You stand there, blinking at him. Even with those steeped, broad shoulders, he makes it through the doorframe unscathed before he turns to check where heâs going.
He probably knows this house inside and out, just like he knew your dad. Once.Â
When it comes to wracking your brain and trying to remember Bradley Bradshaw, you canât ever come up with anything. Maybe a glimpse, here and there. A blue t-shirt with green stripes. His school backpack accidentally left in the backseat of Maverickâs convertible beside your shoddily installed car seat.Â
Truthfully, your experience with Bradley Bradshaw is limited. Heâs just as real to you as any of the other guys in the stories you grew up hearing about. Your very own Peter Pan is downstairs right now, trying to figure out Maverickâs ancient washing machine, just so that he doesnât have to stand up here and stare across at you.
He canât hide from you forever, though. Evening comes, and so does hunger.Â
He stares down at the pizza between the two of you as he chews through a bite, brows drawn together slightly. He hates thin crust pizza â itâs the worst kind of pizza. But, when you had suggested it, he had agreed with a tight-lipped smile.
Natasha has gone home. Itâs just the two of you. Sitting in this unchanged, all too familiar kitchen. Youâre barely unpacked. You set up a couple of things in Maverickâs bathroom, but it doesnât feel right to be in the big room upstairs. That wasnât ever your space to claim.
You chew absentmindedly at the bite you had taken. The TV in the living room is off. The record player is coated in a layer of thin dust already. Itâs dead quiet. The kitchen light is dim above your heads.
Thereâs a chip in the corner of the table on Bradleyâs side. Itâs there because Bradley was running through this kitchen when he was four years old and had tripped and knocked his front tooth out right here. His thumb trails the tiny mark, wondering how his teeth had ever been that small.
Wondering why you arenât angry with him, too.
Maverick had picked him up that day, turned him around and held Bradley while he cried, stemming the blood and quickly introducing the concept of the tooth fairy. He had done all that he could, and Bradley still found a way to resent him for what had happened to his own father.
Bradley hasnât ever done a thing for you. Except maybe pay for this pizza. And here you are, calm as can be.Â
The sauce base feels tangy and coppery, and the cheese makes him want to puke. He sets the slice down on his plate and wipes his hands on the paper towel beside him.
Finally, he lifts his head and looks at you. Your hair is up now, tucked out of your way after an afternoon of manual labour upstairs. Youâre wearing a stretched out old t-shirt. Bradley assumes you got it from a boyfriend.
Really, he doesnât think you look that much like your old man. He would really have to search for the resemblance. But, briefly, when you offer him a polite smile across the table, he knows that youâre Mavâs kid.
âIâm sorry.â Bradley blurts out. You both look across at each other, equally surprised that he has spoken.
ââŠFor what?â You ask quietly, lips tugging into a small frown.
âIâm sorry that Iâm here and heâs not.â Heâs just got to say it. He knows you probably wouldnât bring it up on your own, but thereâs a big elephant in this room. Bradley knows what itâs like to sit in your spot, and not know how to talk about it.
Itâs his fault that Maverick didnât make it home.
You stop chewing. That last bite sits in your mouth, doughy and dry all of a sudden. You stare across at him, awkwardly making yourself swallow down the last of your bite of pizza and picking up the paper towel to wipe at your mouth.
âWe werenât that close.â You tell him, like thatâs supposed to make him feel better. It doesnât. Itâs like a blow to the chest. Youâll never get the opportunity to fix things, because of him.
But, he knows what itâs like to be told how to grieve. He just dips his head and nods awkwardly. âRight.âÂ
âI got a call from an admiral the other day,â You pick up the slice of pizza and pick at its toppings. Thereâs no one here now to tell you not to play with your food. Mav never really cared anyway. Bradley watches you, unhungry. âInvited me down to Miramar. He said he was a friend of Mavâs and that he could talk me through⊠this whole thing. How it works.â You explain with a shrug.
Bradley rubs a hand over the neatly trimmed hair above his lip. It feels like he has swallowed a golf ball, sitting here like itâs normal to be discussing the measures.
He knows how it works. It wonât be as simple as it was with his own father. At least Maverick had afforded him something to bury. For you, thereâs nothing.
âIâll have to be there around eleven.âÂ
âSure,â Bradley nods, scratching at the back of his neck. His legs tingle with stiffness. Clearing his throat, he shifts in the little wooden chair and stretches, knocking his foot into yours under the table. âOh. Sorry. Iâm sorry.â
Your teeth press into the inside of your cheek. Maverick hadnât ever described Bradley as this nervous.
âItâs fine.â You hum, pushing back in your chair and standing up from the table. âWell, Iâve been up since like⊠four, so I might just hit the hay.â
âSure.â Bradley breathes out, hands braced on his thighs, eyes focussed on that tiny chip in the corner of the table. âYeah. Goodnight.â
The downstairs bedroom seemed bigger when he was a kid. The twin-sized bunks on the carrier feel bigger than the wooden-framed bed that Maverick put in here. Bradleyâs shoulder is practically hanging off the side, and the old frame creaks with each movement he makes.
Itâs not like he would be sleeping much anyway. When he closes his eyes, the only thing he can see is the fireball Maverickâs plane had turned into as it fell.
Bradleyâs hunched over the coffee pot by the time that you wake up. He hears you coming down the stairs and straightens up like he wasnât three seconds from throwing the stupid thing at the wall, clearing his throat and turning around.
It occurs to him that he should have put a shirt on. This isnât his place. Itâs yours, now, he guesses â either way, he hadnât considered making you uncomfortable. He folds his arms over his naked torso as you stroll into the kitchen, hair mussed and rubbing at your eyes.
Youâre wearing big socks and the same big t-shirt you had worn to eat the pizza last night. He canât tell if youâre wearing shorts or not.
âMorning,â He offers up, making you lift your gaze from busily tapping at your phone. Your gaze lands squarely on his navel â more so, how low his shorts sit on his hips and the way a soft trail of brown hair ventures from there to his bellybutton.Â
Blinking, you find his face.
âCoffee machineâs broken, we can stop somewhere on the way to base if you like.â He leans down a little bit, like an awkward teenager shrinking away from a family picture. You lock your gaze on his, trying not to glance back down at his muscles.Â
âOh. Thatâs not broken â if you hit it hard enough, itâll work.â You head right for him, fuzzy socks padding across the floor so softly that it really does startle him when you grab the copy of War and Peace that now sits on the kitchen counter, and slam the book right into the side of the coffee machine.
He whips around as the machine whirs to life. You set the book back down gently, and look up at him. He sets his jaw, brows knitted together, searching your face.
Maverick never taught Bradley anything like that. In fact â Bradley always, always was taught the opposite. You never take the easy way out; if somethingâs worth fixing, then you fix it right.
Then you, you on the other hand, beat the thing with the heaviest book you can find? He just doesnât get it.
âWell. Thanks.â He guesses, turning his bemused expression back to the brewing coffee.Â
He hadnât been expecting you to do that. Doesnât take a genius to figure that out, given the way heâs still glaring at the machine. That coffee pot is older than you are, and Mav never taught him that trick?
âSo this guy, the one who called me,â You skim your fingers along the cool granite countertop, just to have something to do, âHe was the guy calling the shots up there?â
Bradley blinks. He doesnât know how much you know about the way all of this works. He knew everything there is to know long before he ever enlisted, but that was because he wanted to know.
âUm,â Bradley grabs his mug and takes a step back for you to get yourself one. âHe was our mission command so, kind of. He gives orders â but, yâknow, everything happens fast, itâs⊠itâs hard to call the shots from back on the boat.âÂ
âDid he like Mav much?â You ask, head tucked inside the fridge door as you scan for anything to make your coffee a little less black. Nothing. A couple of beers and a block of good German cheese. You swing it shut with a resigned sigh, wondering if youâll be here long enough to need groceries.
The thought flashes across your mind â whatâll happen to this place when you leave it behind?
âUh... No, not really.â After a routine training presentation at the very beginning of their attachment, Admiral Simpson had once become so agitated by Maverick that he snapped his own reading glasses in half. Mav got a good laugh out of it, at least.
âGreat.â Agitation creeps into your tone as you curl your fingers around a plain white coffee mug. All of his kitchenware is plain white.Â
âWhat?â Bradley tilts his head, trying to catch a glimpse at the look on your face, stuck between whether youâre sad or pissed off.
Itâs an easy answer, rolling off of your tongue with a shrug of your shoulders and a deflated sigh. âPeople usually put us in the same boat â if they donât like him, they donât like me.â
Thatâs something that he thinks he can understand. Thereâs not an instant dislike, but thereâs a pity that he finds in the eyes of people who once knew his father.Â
He screws his mouth up, shaking his head and reaching for you without thought. His palm claps against your shoulder, platonic and soothing, but the first time he has touched you nonetheless. âIâll be there. He wonât say a thing.â
Glancing upward, while his palm lingers on your shoulder, your eyes flit across his features. He doesnât know quite what youâre searching for, or whether you find it. His fingers squeeze softly against your skin before the touch is gone all together.
You drink your coffees in parallel, both subtly miserable in your silence but comfortable in it anyway. Itâs difficult to prepare for a meeting like this â you donât have a clue of what to expect.Â
Bradley wears black jeans and boots with a plain white t-shirt, which convinces you not to wear the more formal dress you had thought youâd have to wear. You slip into his passenger seat in a skirt and Mary Janes.
He drives a loud, blue vintage Bronco. It sparkles inside and out, and makes your dusty old car look even worse.Â
Bradley settles behind the wheel to the sound of chilled seventies music, the radio turned low. He drives with three fingers curled around the bottom of the wheel and the other hand resting absently on the stick shift.
Even though he seems calm enough behind the wheel, you watch him chew at the inside of his cheek for the duration of the drive. Gears tick away inside his head. His knee only stops bouncing nervously when itâs time to press his foot against the pedal.
Heâs not as good at pretending as he thinks he is; you silently appreciate that he tries, either way.
Bradley, truthfully, spends the entire drive thinking about the last time he was face to face with Admiral Simpson. âSon, Iâm doing this for you.â He had sworn, face sullen, uttering the exact same words Pete Mitchell once had when delivering the words that had torn Bradley from him the first time.
Only, Admiral Simpson wasnât pulling Bradleyâs papers â he was just putting him on a month long bereavement leave. His protests had fallen on deaf ears once again, as they had fifteen years ago. Heâs now a week into that leave, but it feels like longer.
It turns out that when you cut sleep from the equation, everything feels a lot longer. In his own apartment, his routine has been getting up at 2am after hours of tossing and turning, going for a run all the way down to the docks, coming back and showering, then waiting for the sun to rise.
Last night, heâd been awake in that creaky old twin bed, struck by the realisation that if he spent all night tossing and turning â one, he might actually break the old bed frame, and two, the squeaking of it would definitely keep you up.Â
All it had taken was the focus of trying to sit still for so long to finally knock him out. It was the best that heâd slept since the mission.
He kind of hopes that itâll take him a while to figure out something to do with your car; at least that way heâll be able to sleep at night.Â
âYou ready?â His voice startles you from your daydream, the engine cutting out with a jingle of the keys as he stretches forwards in his seat to shove them into his pocket. âWeâre headed just over there.â
âYeah, letâs get this over with.â Youâre stepping down and swinging the heavy door shut before youâre taking your next breath, leaving him to catch up to you.Â
His long strides have him at your side before long, reaching ahead of you to pull open the glass door to the post headquarters.Â
This process has already been easier with him at your side. Heâd coolly handed over his service ID and greeted the guard at the gate by name, and he stops you from turning sharply down the wrong hallway with a soft bump of his shoulder against yours.
He catches your forearm as you try to blow right past the front desk, his grip loose but firm.Â
âRooster.â The woman behind the desk stands up sharply, looking sharp in her service khakis, her entire face creased with a deep worry. Sheâs older, maybe around Mavâs age. âI heard, Iâm so sorry.â
Rooster loosens his hold on your forearm, his lips flattening into a line. He stands up straight, his interaction with the woman nothing if not totally polite. His thumb trails across the bend of your wrist as he nods his head towards you.
âThank you,â He says softly, seemingly unaware of the way youâve stiffened in the presence of this woman. âWeâre, uh⊠weâre just here to see Cyclone, Lynn.â
Her warm, brown eyes whip towards you, widening. Recognition floods her features as she pieces together who you must be.Â
Her boots hit the ground, your lips parting slightly as you realise that sheâs headed right for you. Bradley feels your arm tug in his grip and turns his head, taking note of the way youâre trying to shrink behind him.
Lynn is a hugger by nature, and she was a good friend of Mavâs for a long time. She means well, but Bradley isnât going to let her touch you when he can see how unnerved it makes you.
âWeâre a little late. Iâll catch you at the O-Bar this weekend?â His fingers uncurl from your forearm and his palm falls flat between your shoulder blades, giving you a gentle nudge and silent permission to avoid her hug.
The woman stops and thereâs another polite, departing exchange between the two of them while you continue down the hall.
Bradley catches up to you as you rap your knuckles against the doorframe, fingers trembling when they come to settle back against your thighs.
âMiss Mitchell.â A chair scrapes along the tiled floor, Cycloneâs signature rumbling voice carrying out into the hallway. His boots tap across the ground, his face creased with sincerity and his hand outstretched when he notices Bradley standing behind you. âBradley Bradshaw.â
You check back over your shoulder, glancing briefly at the man behind you, who has assumed his best bodyguard impression.Â
Standing tall, his uniform crisp and his greying black hair combed neatly, Admiral Beau Simpson slips his palm into yours and shakes your hand curtly. The sunlight catches on his shining name badge, his face heavy with lines and sharp angles.
Letting your hand go, he then reaches to your right to shake Bradleyâs. Bradleyâs chest bumps your back as he leans into the handshake.
You step away from him, angling yourself closer to the doorframe. âHe just gave me a ride here. Is it okay if he comes in?â You answer.
âOf course,â Cyclone is far more polite to you than he has ever been to Bradley. âAnything you need. Please, take a seat.â
It feels a little bit wrong standing before his boss in jeans, and sitting before him. Everything about this feels a little bit wrong. Bradley rests his chin against his fist.
You sit in the chair beside him, shoving your trembling hands under your thighs, straightening up and trying to look as brave as you can.Â
It shouldnât be this stranger sitting beside you in this meeting â your mother should have come with you.
âMiss Mitchell,â The admiral takes his seat on the other side of his desk once again. âI want to first express my deepest condolences. Your father was a good man, and a⊠extremely skilled pilot.â
Bradley almost scoffs. Even now, Cyclone canât manage to compliment him.
âWe are forever grateful for his service, and the sacrifices he made on behalf of our country. I understand that this is an extremely difficult time, and Iâd just like to say that Iâm going to personally make sure that this process is as easy as it can possibly be.â
You blink at him. Jet engines rumble on outside of the window. People bustle on outside of the closed office door.
Cyclone glances towards Bradley.Â
âWhen a man is lost in action, our resolve is to initiate a search and rescue effort as soon as possible,â The admiral explains, leaving out the part where that search and rescue effort had been delayed by seventy-two hours after Mav disappeared. âWeâve been working tirelessly, and our efforts to locate your father are ongoing.â
Your brows knit together.
âButâ heâs dead.â You frown, rendering Cyclone suddenly quiet. âHeâs got to be. Itâs been a week. No food, no water, sub-zero temperature. Whatâs the point in looking?â
Bradley grits his teeth. He looks across at you, the muscle in his jaw ticking. Thereâs nothing in your expression, no fear or sadness. Your father deserved more than that.
âThe point is to bring him home.â He bites from your side, staring straight ahead at Cyclone.
You shoot him a look. When itâs clear that you arenât going to say anything else, Cyclone clears his throat to continue.Â
âMiss Mitchell, we do have to prepare ourselves for the other outcome. If recovery efforts are unsuccessful, in two weeks time, he will be listed as formally âMissing in Actionâ. If thatâs the case, we will honor him with a memorial service and all of his service records and personal effectsÂ
are delivered to you.â
You drag your teeth across your bottom lip, swallowing hard and giving a small nod of your head.
âOkay. Two weeks?â
âThis is going to be a longer process,â Cyclone warns you. Heâd heard that you had come down specially for this, and he doesnât want to mislead you about the time frame. âThe recovery mission, if unsuccessful, will be suspended in two weeksâ time. After that, weâd like you to be local for the investigation.â
âInvestigation?â
âOf ourselves. To ensure that the Navy had performed its due diligence, that kind of thing⊠Iâd expect us to be here for a good few months.â He explains.
After that, itâs like Bradley can see a switch flip for you.Â
Youâre biting at the inside of your cheek so hard that you must be tasting copper, picking at the seam of your jeans and breathing like youâre trying not to cry.
Heâs still confused when heâs all but chasing you across the parking lot, listening to you try to control your breathing.
âHey, hey, hey,â He tries, approaching you cautiously as you crowd yourself against the passenger side of his car. âItâs alright. Weâll get through it, itâs just a couple of months.â
âIâ fuck. I donât want to be here. I-Iâ Iâm going to have to find a job, and Iâll have to call my mom, andâ and my friends, andââ
âHey,â Bradley mumbles, resisting the instinct to throw his arms around you. His brows draw together as he reaches out and squeezes your bicep, bending his knees so he can catch your eye. âItâs alright. Iâll take care of it.â
You know that heâs just trying to be nice, but really, youâre sick of nice. Itâs all that Maverick ever was and it left you with no idea of who he really is. âOf what? Thereâs so much that I have toââ
He nods, closing his mouth, swallowing dryly. Thinking of what he can, feasibly, take off of your plate for you. The idea sparks in him.
âYou need a job. I can get you a job. Um, your friends, we can call them and bring them down for a weekend?â He squeezes again at your bicep, nodding his way through his plans, trying to will the tears in your eyes not to spill over.
You sniff, turning your gaze towards the ground. The lump in your throat burns and bobs as you try to swallow it away.Â
Mav really is never coming back.
âI donât want to go back to his house.â It comes out as a whimper, and really just reminds Bradley that youâre in the same position that he was when he was just a little younger than you. Itâs a scared kid type of feeling, being all alone in the world. Being in an empty house had made it even worse.
He licks his lips and glances towards the skies, watching the sun pass behind a cloud.Â
âYou could stay at my place, for a night or two.âÂ
âŠ
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Pinpricks {Miya Atsumu x Reader}
You know... All this brain juice should really be going into writing my assignments, but itâs whatever :D
Anyway, I'm thinking of posting a masterlist soon, there's not a whole lot, but please look forward for that! :D
-Seven
You and Atsumu have been friends for as long as you can remember.
Not too long ago, after he had won a championship game, you confessed your feeling to him.
âIâm sorry, YN, I just⊠I just asked another girl to a date a few days ago.â
A thousand needles. All over your body.
âOh.â
Tears prick at your eyes and you clench your hands to will yourself from letting them drop.
âThatâs,â You give him your best smile, âThatâs great!â You chuckle a little.
You both know itâs the kind of smile that doesnât reach your eyes.
Who were you trying to fool?
You laugh a little - as a coping mechanism or from embarrassment, you donât know.
âHah, forget I ever said anything then.â You shy away from his gaze.
âYN.â He says as he reaches his hand out, âLook-â
âNo,â Youâre quick to cut him off. You tuck your hands around your waist and lean back ever so slightly, âI, uhâŠâ You clear your throat to stop your voice from shaking, âI should get going.â
You turn to leave.
âYN, wait I-â
Act normal.
Youâre fine.
Haha.
You lift a hand to wave at him, âIâll see you around, Tsu-â Your hand drops slowly. Tsumu? Could you even call him that anymore? You bet his new girlfriend would.
With these thoughts in mind you quickly correct yourself, âAtsumu.â
You donât think youâve ever gone this long without talking to Atsumu. WellâŠAside from greeting him like you normally would. Or at least as best as you can without breaking down.
In between classes, you take the most convoluted route possible. At break times, you hide yourself amongst your girl friends; forgoing the rooftop to eat in the crowded cafeteria.
In some classes itâs quite hard to avoid him when he literally sits next to you.
âPssst. YN.â He leans towards you.
You spare him a glance, âShh.â You give him your best glare, âIâm trying to write notes.â You speak while scribbling in your notebook, âYou know this topic is hard for me.â
Not true... But it was your best excuse.
From the corner of your vision, you see him narrow his eyes.
With your eyes trained on your notes, all you can hear is a huff and tearing of paper.
Moments later said piece of paper lands on your desk.
I need to talk to you after class.
You turn to him, who already has his eyes trained on you.
You answer with a subtle shake of your head.
To which he replies with a frown before turning to write another note.
Youâve been avoiding me
You hold the note in your hands and stare at it for a few seconds.
You look up at the ceiling and blow out a breath before writing down a reply.
Fine. After class. 2 minutes.
Short and sharp.
You pass the note back to him and he looks to you with a smug smile.
But pins prick at your heart once again.
You once thought of confessing by passing a note to him like this...
After all, it was something you two did almost every day.
Just how long had you been harbouring these feelings?
It doesn't matter, it's too late now.
âŠ
You donât think youâve ever dreaded the end of class as much as you have right now.
Everyone is speeding away, having thrown all their belonging into their bags to head to lunch.
But your hands are shaking as you pick up your notebooks.
What am I supposed to say to him?
Lost in thought, you donât realise that Atsumu is holding your pencil case for you to pack away into your bag.
Heâs standing in front of your desk with his bag slung over his shoulder, âYN?â He asks.
Snapped out of your trance, you look up from where your seated but donât answer him.
âLetâs go,â He laughs lightly, âYa only gave me two minutes, I gotta hurry.â
You take your pencil case, âRightâŠâ You whisper, âThank you.â
âCâmon.â He motions to the door with a nod of his head.
Languidly, you follow after him. Every step pinches at your heart.
âLook Astumu,â You try to beat him to the chase, âI-â
But he cuts you off, âYouâve been avoiding me.â
You bite your lips. Of course I have. You think.
He places a hand on your forearm, âI told you, you donât have to be awkward with me.â
You almost scoff at him, âIt doesnâtâ I canât justââ erase my feelings for you.
With a deep breath, you gather your thoughts, âIââ You look up at him, âI just need some time to get used to it.â
You gently cover his hand with your own, âIâm embarrassed enough as it is.â You admit and dip your head as you feel the tears rising, âIâllââ You pull his hand away, âIâll come to you when Iâm ready, Atsumu.â
âAnd when will that be?â He whispers.
You can only shrug.
He sighs, âYouâre my best friend, YN.â
Thatâs what makes it hurt more. You grit your teeth. Why canât he understand that?
âI donât want to lose my best friend.â
Again... A thousand needles. All over your body.
You close your eyes for a moment as the tears threaten to spill over.
âNeither do I.â You hate the way your voice shakes.
âAtsuuuu~â Itâs his girlfriendâs sickly sweet voice.
You quickly wipe your tears and turn to leave, âI have to go.â You point behind you with your thumb, âI have to borrow PE clothes from a friend.â
One thing that is both a blessing and a curse about being friends with Atsumu is that you inevitably become friends with his twin, Osamu.
âYou know you canât avoid him forever.â Osamu says, leisurely leaning back in his seat in front of you.
You scowl, âWatch me.â
You know this is misplaced anger, but this heavyhearted feeling is becoming too much to bear.
âWill you at least come for our birthday later this week?â
Your body goes slack.
You've never missed their birthday, and they've never missed yours.
It was an unspoken promise at this point, one that you, unfortunately, think you can no longer keep.
âŠ
When the morning of their birthday arrives, youâre curled up in bed.
Youâve been vomiting all morning; feeling lightheaded with a fever but feeling so cold all the same.
Osamu came by a while ago. He was meant to pick you up and head back to their place to celebrate their birthday.
âJust take the presents.â You groan as you prop yourself up, âThe blue one is for Atsumu. This black one is yours.â
You began preparing their presents months before today - collecting little volleyball trinkets that you think they would have liked.
You gather the blankets around your body and take small steps to the presents you prepared.
With all the strength you can muster, you give him a smile and say, âHappy birthday, Osamu.â
... and Atsumu
âŠ
When Osamu arrives home, he delivers the present on your behalf, âHere, Tsumu. This is YNâs gift for you.â
He smiles when he takes the box, âOh, nice. Thank youââ He looks around... Behind Osamu... To the door, âYN?â He says slowly as he tilts his head.
âSheâs sick.â Osamu explains, âShe was vomiting all of last night and this morning when I came to pick her up.â
Atsumu frowns at that, âWhat?â
Why didnât she call me?
When your eyes blink open, you see Atsumu sitting on your bed.
He lifts his hand to your forehead and greets you with concerned eyes.
I must be seeing things.
âIâm going crazy.â You mumble and turn your back to the figure. I guess Iâm more ill than I thought.
âWhy didnât you tell me you were sick?â The voice is crystal clear in your ears.
âNope.â You push your fingers into your ears, âGo away. I just need more sleep." You nod your head, "Thatâs probably it.â
Atsumu pulls one of your arms away, âWhy didnât you call me?â He asks, barely above a whisper.
You freeze at the realisation. Itâs not a dream⊠Heâs actually here.
âYou always call me.â He mumbles and turns to tuck the blankets under your feet, âYou hate being sick.â He states.
You watch him fix the blankets some more before asking, âWhat do you mean?â You croak out, âItâs your birthdayâŠâ
He turns to look at you, âSo?â
You blink at him confused, âSooooâŠâ You drag out, âIâm not gonna call you to take care of me.â
He doesnât speak, but his gaze is too tender to simply be concern for someone who is sick.
It makes you feel uneasy and you fidget under the blankets, âIâll be fine. Whereâs Osamu? You should head back.â You ramble.
You grunt as you sit up, âGo.â You urge him by pushing his shoulders with whatever strength you have left, âYouâre missing out on your own birthday party. Iâll be fine.â
âYNâŠâ It almost sounds like a plead.
âJust go.â
But, you can be just as headstrong as he is, âJust go, Atsumu.â
A few beats of silence passes and he stands up on his own accord.
You r gaze drops to your hands in your lap, but you can hear his footsteps fade followed by the click of the door.
You didnât actually think he would leave.
But he was right, you hated being sick and he would always be the one to take care of you.
But things have changed between the two of you. He has someone else he has to take care of now.
Your body falls back onto the bed at the thought.
You pull the blankets closer to your body to muffle the cries that fall from your lips.
Crying when you were sick was always the worst. The tears feel so much hotter on your cheeks. Like little pinpricks to your eyes.
Atsumu used to be the one to wipe them away.
For now, theyâll just have to soak into your pillowcase.
The first thing you feel when you wake up again is the cold towel on your forehead.
When you look around, you notice that thereâs a humidifier on your nightstand and another blanket draped across your body.
âWhat?â
As you try to make sense of the situation, a loud bang comes from behind the door followed by a string of curse words.
Huh?
You groan as you sit up and your vision sways from having laid down all day.
As you stand, you have to brace yourself against the bed momentarily as your body aches in complaint.
When you exit your room, youâre greeted with the sight of Atsumu crouched down on the kitchen floor, rubbing the top of his head.
âYouâre awake.â He says, âUgghh,â He presses against the sore spot, âI was tryna cook, but damn, your rangehood is so low.â
Youâre speechless for a moment, âWhy⊠Why are you still here?â
He places a pot onto the stove as he answers, âWell, yer super sick, why wouldnât I be here?â
You would be lying if you said you werenât even the least bit happy to see him here, but of course youâve got a traitorous mouth, âAtsumu, I told you that Iâd be fine.â
He shakes his head, âYou were 38 degrees before I left.â Then makes his way over to the dining table, rummaging through a plastic bag, âYou need ta take some meds. Come here.â He beckons you over with a wave of his hand.
Your feet moved on their own and before you knew it, you were inches away from him.
But of course, youâre still at war with yourself, âJust go.â You bring a hand up to stop him, âIâll take them later.â You assure him
But evidently, it does nothing of the sort.
He looks at you with a frown, âWhy do you keep brushing me off? Telling me to go away?â
âBecause it hurts seeing you here, okay?!â The words fly out of your mouth in a tone you didnât quite like.
Your chest heaves as you admit it to him.
But your outburst is met with cold silence.
âI really canât see you right now.â You say through clenched teeth, âI want to stay friends, I do. I want to go back to how we were before⊠Before all this.â Your hands motion between the two of you, âBut itâs so hard, okay?â You look up at him, searching for anything in his eyes.
When he says nothing, you curl into yourself, âJustâŠJust leave me alone. Youâve done what you need to do.â You place a hand at his back in an attempt to guide him to the front door, âWe can end everything here and IâŠâ
You pause as he begins to push back against your hand, âI donât want to see you again.â You mumble.
Swiftly, he turns around and grabs the plastic bag from the dining table
Oh, right⊠He canât just leave without his stuff. You think
But he turns and grabs your wrist as well and leads you back to the bedroom.
âAtsumu! What are youâ Let go!â
âLay down.â
âWhat?â
âYouâre not in your right mind, right now.â He throws the blanket over you. âWe can talk when youâre better.â
âAtsumu!â
ââ No.â He says sternly.
His tone is enough for you to cease your struggling.
âSleep.â He guides you to lay down, âWeâll talk when youâre not sick.â
â Youââ
âEnough.â He cuts you off whilst jabbing the sheets between the bed and your body.
You huff in defeat and childishly untuck yourself, âYou canât just bulldoze your wayââ
âI said enough.â
In anger you glare at him and itâs only then that you see the hurt that's masked behind his sharp tone.
It catches you off guard.
As he turns to leave, he says, âIâll... I'll wake you up when Iâm finished cooking.â
Why do I hurt myself like this? hahahha
-Seven
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Holes. Keys. What Have You.
I have full analyses I've been wanting to actually do and gather images for over the entire past year, but in the meantime, have this <3.
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Points at you. 10 and/or 11 for starstruck?
Two starstruck asks,,,,,,joy of joys,,
Part of an ask game linked here.
#10. What's an au you have for them?
Since them meeting at all is technically an AU i have 3 different ways that they do meet up. There's the one where Juniper ends up with the agency/adjacent to and ends up working with Reggie (have written a fic with this). The next one is Juniper surviving but basically going stealth and living as normal of a life as he can and ending up meeting Reggie through chance (most recent fic I've written). And then there's my personal favourite where Reginald "You're lucky my tracking skills are still up to snuff" Crane keeping himself busy after Phoenix was MIA and finding Juniper still alive (fic I want to write but haven't started mainly because it may end up multi chapter).
In terms of more AU canon bending taking them and putting them in a completely unrelated situation...I have a guilty pleasure Warrior Cats AU for IEYTD in general. Both JJ and Reggie have perfect warrior cats suffixes in their names already (Juniper and Crane) so they're called Junipersong (charcoal bengal) and Craneflight (tabby Norwegian forest cat). It's very silly but the amount of scenes I have in my mind for it...good lord...
#11. How was their first kiss like?
Augh my friend Imp wrote an absolutely excellent fic about it (tragically in the realm of unfinished Google docs) and I'm shaking their hand about it so hard. Basically Juniper kissing Reggie but he like wasn't ready/fully expecting it and Juniper absolutely panicking because he thinks he's misread every interaction between them both since they got closer. The second one is much sweeter though,,
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first book of 2024 = finished woooohoooo!!!!
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so... @welightitupâ and i were having a bit of a freakout about pierre's abs + whipped cream + leclerc tops, and i, well. ask and ye shall receive đÂ
crÚme français.
"I want to try something," Charles pants in-between deep kisses, dropping his hands to Pierreâs shoulders and squeezing, unexpectedly hard.Â
âOkay,â Pierre agrees, his voice already rough and significantly lower than usual even to his own ears. âWhat is it?âÂ
Charles smirks at him, and Pierre barely has time to think oh, shit, I know that expression before Charles is surging forward to straddle Pierreâs lap. His hands drop from Pierreâs shoulders to his chest, and then he pushes, just hard enough that Pierre gets the idea.Â
Shit, yeah, okay, Pierre thinks a little nonsensically as he goes easily, falling back onto the pillows. Above him, Charles smirks.Â
And oh, fuck. Charles doesn't get like this often, but when he does⊠those have been some of the hottest nights of Pierre's life.Â
"Hands on the headboard, please," Charles requests, as sweet and earnest as ever even when theyâre like this. Pierre can only smile up at him, feeling stupidly and impossibly fond of the man above him. Â
"I'm only going to ask nicely the first time," Charles says, and though his voice is still soft, there's a hint of steel behind it now. "Hands on the headboard now, Pierre, before I make you keep them there for the rest of the night."Â
âFuck,â Pierre says, the word getting half-caught on a moan as he hastens to raise his arms above his head. Hottest nights of his life, hell yeah.Â
âThank you,â Charles says sweetly, leaning down for a quick reward of a kiss as Pierre curls his fingers around the headboard. "Now, close your eyes," he murmurs as he pulls away, his breath hot against Pierre's cheek. "You're going to like this, I promise."Â
Pierre exhales roughly, but closes his eyes, white-knuckling his grip on the headboard. "Good," Charles breathes above him, and then his weight shifts on top of Pierre, like he's reaching to the side.Â
"Ah," Charles says somewhere to his left, satisfied, and it takes all of Pierre's self-control not to open his eyes and look immediately. What is it, what is it -Â
Charles shifts back so he's properly straddling Pierre's thighs again, and Pierre loses track of his train of thoughts immediately as Charles' boxer-clad ass rubs teasingly over his dick.Â
"Fuck, Charles," he manages, fighting to keep his eyes squeezed shut.Â
Charles chuckles above him, and then he's leaning down, and there are lips pressed to Pierre's, quick and soft. "Trust me, Pierrot."Â
And Pierre can only nod, because he does. Of course he does. He trusts Charles with everything he is. He forces his muscles to relax, because much as he hates giving up control in any situation, this is Charles. He would do anything for Charles.Â
There's a strange sound, then, almost like⊠a can being shaken? Pierre grips the headboard tight enough that the frame cuts into his skin a little, the slight pain distracting him from opening his eyes.Â
"Fuck, Pierre, your arms," Charles says above him, voice rough and dark with want. He trails one finger down the flex of muscle in Pierreâs bicep, obviously getting slightly distracted from his original line of thought.Â
Pierre feels a smirk spreading across his face, lazy and self-satisfied. Even though he canât see Charlesâ expression, he knows that Charlesâ green eyes will be dark with want, a little hazy the way they always get when Pierre is bare before him and Charles is allowed to touch. âLike what you see, hmm?âÂ
âI more than like it,â Charles purrs back, continuing the trail of his finger down the length of Pierreâs arm, then down onto his chest and all the way to his abs. He flattens his palm there, obviously admiring the hard planes of muscle beneath his touch, and Pierre has a second to wonder if this is Charlesâ master plan for the evening -Â
Then Charles pulls his hand away, and replaces his hand with a cold squirt of something⊠airy, and cold, in a line across Pierreâs abs.Â
Pierre can't help the way his eyes fly open in shock at that. Charles just grins at him, tongue pressed against his teeth and cheeky as anything, a can of whipped cream held casually in one hand. "Hello," he purrs, and then sprays another line of cream in a neat vertical line across Pierre's abs.Â
âShit,â Pierre manages, his head falling back against the headboard with a loud thunk as Charles repeats the action a third time.Â
âA good shit?â Charles checks, momentarily stilling his movements to meet Pierreâs gaze, searching.
Pierre nods fervently. âGood, yeah, yeah, so good. Green light. Fuck.âÂ
âI thought you would like this, yes,â Charles says, entirely too pleased with himself as he sprays another line of whipped cream in a lazy arc over Pierreâs stomach.
âYou are so -â Pierre starts, pushing up a little to try and catch Charlesïżœïżœïżœ gaze in a glare, but the words die in his mouth as Charles dips his head and drags his tongue over Pierreâs abs.Â
Charles looks up at him, then, his green eyes wide and innocent as he swallows, licking his lips to get the last traces of white cream off. âI am so?â he parrots, blinking coquettishly at Pierre.Â
Pierre is pretty sure his brain has just forgotten how words work. Charlesâ innocent smile morphs into a smirk, like heâs saying I thought so.Â
Fuck. Fuck. He is so full of shit for this, so fucking cheeky, and Pierre is going to get him for it later, heâs going to get him back so well that Charles wonât be able to say anything but Pierreâs name and âplease -â Â
But as it is, Charles has the advantage, and boy, does he use it. Heâs almost languid as he licks another long stripe up Pierreâs stomach, lingering in the dips and lines of his abs, and the contrast between the hot of his mouth and the airy chill of the whipped cream is slowly driving Pierre crazy.
To make matters worse, Charles holds the cream in his mouth a little longer this time, parting his lips just enough to show Pierre the white all over his tongue and lips and chin.Â
âS-shit,â Pierre stutters, the curse fading into a breathless moan as Charles does it again, and again, and again.Â
There isnât even any cream left anymore, but Charles doesnât seem to be in any sort of hurry, leaving licks and nips and open-mouthed kisses all over Pierreâs stomach and abs. Heâs clearly enjoying himself, clearly having the time of his life, while Pierre is so hard that he feels like he might explode if Charles doesnât fucking do something, and soon.Â
Like he can read Pierreâs mind, Charles starts kissing a line down his stomach, further and further down until his lips are teasingly close to Pierreâs clothed dick, his face hovering just above Pierreâs waistband.Â
âHmmm,â Charles hums, one hand coming up to toy with Pierreâs boxers as he leaves another kiss, slow but searing, to the soft skin just above his waistband.
âCharles,â Pierre warns, his hips involuntarily jerking up towards the heat of Charlesâ mouth.Â
Charles chuckles against his skin, moving away just enough that Pierre canât find any friction, and thatâs -
Thatâs it. Thatâs the last straw.Â
Pierre lets go of the headboard and grabs for Charlesâ hair in one smooth movement, pulling him up so theyâre seated nose-to-nose. âOn your knees, right now,â he orders, and he doesnât leave any room for argument.Â
Charles moans, long and loud and unabashed, and then heâs scrambling off the bed to do what Pierre says, somehow managing to take Pierreâs boxers with him. Pierre swings his legs over the edge of the bed, and Charles settles in between his thighs, looking up at Pierre with a devious smirk and red, red lips still glistening from how many times heâs licked them tonight.
Charles leans forward, swirling his tongue teasingly over just the head of Pierreâs dick before pulling back to look up at him with a smirk and hooded eyes.Â
âFuck,â Pierre groans, and grabs his hair again, pulling hard enough that Charles moans too. Heâs close enough that Pierre can almost feel the vibrations of it around his dick, and he has to close his eyes for a moment, breathing hard.
When he opens them again, he knows his eyes will be so dark that the blue will be almost entirely black. âIâm going to fuck your mouth now,â he warns.
âYes,â Charles says breathily, and then heâs leaning forward, and parting his lips, and Pierre pushes forward, and -
Fuck. Just, fuck. If Charlesâ lips and tongue had felt heavenly tracing patterns all over his abs, the feeling of it on his cock is⊠fucking nirvana. Charles is so good at this, just, so good.Â
And Pierre could lose himself in the feeling of it, easy, but thatâs not who they are.Â
âI bet you think youâre so clever, donât you?â he pants, punctuating the words with a harsh snap of his hips, and Charles chokes, a little, and fuck, it feels so good, finally.Â
âYou think youâre so clever, driving me crazy like this all night,â Pierre says, and tightens his grip on Charlesâ hair. âBecause this is what you wanted all along, isnât it? Being told to get on your knees and choking on my cock like a good boy.âÂ
Charles moans around Pierreâs dick, and Pierre sees him reach into his own boxers and get a hand around himself, and that - fuck, this really isnât going to last long at all, is it?Â
âThatâs right,â he grits out, and he can feel himself starting to lose his hold on words and coherency, but he holds onto them with a tenuous thread so that he can finish this for Charles. âThatâs right, get yourself off while I fuck your mouth. Are you going to come for me, Charles?â
Charles moans again, and his eyelashes flutter, and thatâs it. Pierre comes with a grunt, his hips surging forward in a particularly brutal thrust which Charles takes, easy and easy and easy as the world whites out around Pierre.
Distantly, heâs aware of Charlesâ jaw going slack as he comes, too, and Charles must have pulled off at some point as well, but Pierre missed it completely in the blinding force of his orgasm.
âJesus,â Pierre says, when heâs managed to catch his breath again. âWeâre definitely doing that again.âÂ
Charles tilts his head up to look at him, and despite the rough, ruined quality to his voice, he still manages to sound cheeky as he points out, âWell, thereâs still a lot of whipped cream left in the canâŠâ
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when other people in their 30s say they feel lost in their life/don't know what their purpose is/feel nervous abt life: ur gonna be fine babe I â€ïž you and you are fine this world is a hell hole and we are all doing our best you are fine you are valid â€ïž
when I try to apply the same things to myself:
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đđđđđđđđ đđđđđđđđđ
- sylus x reader
more than friends with benefits, definitely lovers. your relationship is one filled with banters, steamy nights, and secret strings attached... but when someone shows an interest in you, sylus won't hesitate to stake his claim for everyone to see
genre/warnings:
18+ suggestive contentâminors do not interact!âjealousy, crack, fluff, smut, a dash of comfort, assassin!reader (not l&ds mc)
note:
loosely a sequel to strictly (un)professional. how this snowballed into 3.8k... i don't really know :')
âMissus, please spare us!â
You shot an unamused look at the twins before you, who clasped their hands together, pleading for you to let them go.
âWhy is it so difficult for both of you to say?â you hissed, crossing your arms together. âIâm not asking for muchâjust a recount of what happened!â
âBoss will have our tongues for this!â Kieran looked up at you, quivering. âNo way, I want to live!â
âHeâs terrifyingâŠâ Luke shuddered in fear, hugging himself. âYou donât know how frightening he is!â
You were holding both Luke and Kieran hostage, the tender preys, all because Sylus refused to reveal what you had been wanting to know these past few weeks.
âSo youâre afraid of SylusâŠâ You fixed them with a steely glare. âBut have you ever thought that if you donât spill it now, I will be the one taking both your tongues?â
ââ?! Missus, please!â
âWhy are you bullying the twins?â A deep voice cut through the twinsâ pitiful laments, and you let out an exasperated huff as your chance slipped away once more.
Speak of the devil, and Sylus shall appear. He looked at the scene before him as if you were all a bunch of kindergarteners.
Luke and Kieran immediately flocked to him. âBoss! Save us! Sheâs scary!â
And now you were suddenly the scary one. You rolled your eyes. "Your henchmen are useless."
Sylus glanced at you with a half smile, knowing what information you were squeezing the twins for. "Sweetie, just give it up. You'll find peace faster that way."
Was it wrong to be curious about what Sylus had been up to during the three weeks you were unconscious after the attack that literally took your life? Why was he being so secretive about it anyway?
âI know, you were so worried sick you didnât even eat or sleep,â you taunted your lover with a wicked smile. âThatâs why you wonât tell me about it.â
Sylus laughed outright. âPftt. Youâve got quite the imagination. Good to know.â
Nothing much changed after that night of his confessionâif you could call it thatâto you. You were indeed no longer strictly his bedwarmer, but your banters stayed the same, if not even more sarcastic now.
âChop chop, we have an auction to go to, sweetie.â Sylus placed his big hand on your head, amused. âStop being a hissy kitten towards the poor twins and get ready, hmm?â
âIâll definitely uncover it,â you shot him a resentful glare. âJust you wait and see.â
Such were your days with your true kindred-spirits lover. He would tease you during the day and turn you into a hot mess at night, and you wouldnât have it any other way.
In tonight's auction, you had one target: the broker for a new rising star firearms dealer. Sylus had been eyeing him, deducing his goods could be a nice addition to his armory.
And so, you went up to him. However...
â...Are you single, miss?â
Here we go again.
You forced a tight smile. âSir, Iâd appreciate it if we can stick to subject at hand.â
The man blinked, then quickly plastered on a wide grin to mask his surprise. âOh yes! Yes, I-Iâm sorry, I got distractedâ well, Iâd say this is a pretty solid MoU... but Iâll need to contact my boss first.â
This weirdo... you thought with boredom, is so transparent.
This wasnât the first time youâd dealt with a situation like this. Granted, you were pretty and you knew it, but usually, more distinguished men would be a bit more subtle about it.
âTake all the time you need,â you encouraged smoothly, your eyes crinkling in an attempt to look friendly. âAs you can see, Mr. Sylus has proposed the perfect bargain for this kind of dealings.â
âI wouldnât argue with that. I assure you weâll certainly try to accommodate his request.â The man nodded and gave you a meaningful look, before coughing awkwardly. âUh, sorry, what was your name again, miss?â
Your faux smile remained perfectly still as you replied, âMephisto.â
The manâs eyes roved over you, and he grinned roguishly. âRight. Still, I never expected Mr. Sylusâ secretary to be as beautiful as you, Miss Mephisto...â
This was tedious. Your patience was tested with every leering look he gave you. Sylus must know this already, and he's somewhere laughing at the sight of you dealing with this creep.
âYou flatter me too much, Iâm average.â
âNo, no! I mean it!â
He knows... yet he wouldn't do anything about it. Not that you would expect Sylus to barge in like a man blinded by envy, but still, he was insufferable for not coming to you just like he had for Miss Hunter back then.
The man kept droning on and on about himself and everything else that had nothing to do with the business deal, and you were this close to dropping him and using your Evol to shut him up whenâ
He then turned to you expectantly. âOh, there is a dance! Miss, would you mind if I have your first dance?â
âOh...â
And it occurred to you... why not spice things up a little?
Sylusâ dark crimson eyes narrowed silently as he watched both of you from the island table while savoring his glass of wine, before he let out a loud snort.
That vermin doesnât have a clue he is playing with fire.
For most of your interaction, the firearms dealerâs broker kept giving you suggestive looks, and occasionally brushing his hand against yours on purpose. He wasn't even trying to hide it, and it was amusing to see how aggravated you looked the entire time.
Adorable. Sylus found you incredibly endearing these days, from your pouts to your glazed eyes whenever he thrusted into youâ
You were oh so delectable⊠at least until he saw you holding that lesser man's arm, as he led you to the dance floor.
A deep frown immediately formed in his forehead.
âWhat are you scheming now?â Sylus scowled, half exasperated and half in disbelief. âYou naughty cat.â
He was even more irked when he saw how casually you wrapped your arms around that vermin, twirling and pressing yourself against him in a waltz. Seeing him trying to hit on you was one thing, but for you to reciprocate was just plain unacceptable.
âand to his ire, your audacity continued throughout the night.
. . .
âMiss Mephisto, do you play pool?â
âI do.â
âThen, will you play with me?â
Sylus was now burning with tendrils of anger, watching you from a closer corner. He had seen the broker put his hands on you so many times that he had lost countâduring the dance, mingling with other guests, and while sharing hearty laughs. All in all, you were acting as if you had forgotten he was even here.
You were threading on a very thin ice and whether you realized it or not... you didn't seem to care.
"Ah, I think your stance is a bit off..." And to make it worse, the broker was definitely seizing every chance he could, as there was nothing wrong with your formâyou often accompanied Sylus playing pool, so you were a proâand yet he still got behind you, trying to drape his arms around your body.
That was the last straw. Enough is enough.
Before Sylus realized what he was doing, he stormed over to where you were, yanked your arm forcefully, and effectively separated you from him. He didnât give a damn about the horrified shout from the broker or the judging looks from other partygoers as he dragged you by the hand out of the ballroom.
âSylus!â you nearly shrieked when he kicked open a door to a meeting room and locked it with his black-red mist. He pinned you against the wall, and crashed his lips against yours in a searing kiss.
âMmph!â You tried pushing him back, but he was stronger and held you in place, his tongue forcing your lips open as he pressed the back of your head toward him. His other hand slipped inside your dressâbetween your legsâ two fingers inâ
ââ!â you couldn't even squeal as he devoured your mouth and the shock set in, feeling yourself getting aroused by the minute when his fingers did that scissoring thing and edged you further.
After he was done with your mouth, his hot lips trailed down to your neck and shoulder blades, sucking hard on several spots, making you gasp and moan.
"Hah... this... is the price to pay for testing me, sweetie," your lover growled his nickname for you with satisfaction as he noticed you trembling body, nibbling on your shoulder. "You want to get punished so badly, huh?"
"Ahh..." you threw your head back, clinging to him, grinding yourself against his fingers.
"Is it funny to you? Watching me see him touch you?" Sylus' unforgiving ruby eyes stared down at you like a lion eyeing its prey. "What an insolent little kitten you are..."
His fingers kept moving and thrusting inside you in an alarming speed, mercilessly hitting that one spot that could make you cry. He was seriously teaching you a lesson by forcing you to come undone right then and there.
"I-I...!" you tried to refute, but then you felt the knot inside you burst, and in the next second, you could feel yourself coming all over his fingers, shuddering, your breaths coming in pants.
Feeling faint, relief washed you when he pulled out his fingers. You leaned and clung onto him, pulling him closer, and Sylus finally saw what a mess he had turned you into.
Your glassy eyes focused solely on him, seemingly pleadingâand those swollen lips, as well as the sizzling heat creeping up your cheeksâ
âHa,â he let out a low chuckle, a wicked grin curling his lips. âIf I can still make you look like this, then I suppose I can forgive you.â
âYouâre a meanie,â you mumbled breathlessly.
âYouâre the mean one,â Sylus tutted with narrowed eyes, starting to pull away from you.
But then you pulled him close again and pressed your lips to his, this time with a gentleness that surprised him.
There was no malice or burning desire in your kiss. Strangely, it felt far more intimate. You pulled away, the heart-stopping swirls of his red eyes captivating you as you pressed your foreheads together.
âNeedy, arenât you, sweetie?â Sylus whispered, holding your gaze, his breath hot against your skin.
But right now, all of a sudden, you looked so vulnerable to him, as if any wrong word from his lips would shatter you. It made him almost feel guilty for manhandling you so roughly.
You didnât respond, just wanting this closeness with him. Behind your snarky words and little schemes, this was what you wanted more than the release you just got. Sometimes, you still worriedâdid he want this too?
âWhat is it?â Sylus asked with a frown, seemingly concerned. âTalk. Tell me.â
âNothingâŠâ you replied in a small voice.
âDo you feel sick? Want to go back?â
You shook your head.
You werenât usually this quiet. Sylus couldnât help being restless at your sudden change. It felt awkward for him to do what he was about to do next, but instinctively, he figured it would comfort you a bit.
You felt a pang in your heart when he pulled away, but in the next instant, a wave of warmth enveloped you as he pressed you to him, burying your head against his sturdy chest.
For someone who deals with blood and gore, your body felt too soft and fragile, yet still fit perfectly in his arms. Though he had held you and made love to you many times before, it was only now that he truly noticed how small you were.
âYouâre warmâŠâ you murmured, your voice carrying a hint of a whine.
So needy and pliant⊠for him.
âMy woman is such an enduring mystery.â Sylus mused, sounding almost as if he were lamenting. âSometimes sheâs a brazen kitten without a shred of shame, but then she pulls stunts like this.â
Your heart picked up the pace. You are... his. That was right. You were his woman in every sense of the word now, and he wasn't shying away from it.
But to cover your embarrassment, you could only come up with, âCan you not refer to me as cat...?â
He shot you an irked glance. âNo.â
âHe calls me by your birdâs name.â
â...â
âSylus, you canât murder him. Your deal will go down the drain.â
âTch.â Sylus blew out an annoyed sigh, glaring at you. âBy the time I get back here, youâre going back with me.â
You rolled your eyes. âYes, yes.â
Honestly you were exhausted, and you wanted to nothing more than a good sleep. But you couldn't just leave the broker without preamble because this deal depended on him, and Sylus too had some loose ends he had to tie before the two of you left.
Strangely, all eyes were on you when you returned to the ballroom. You wondered why as you navigated the crowd until you met the broker you had fooled in so many ways.
âOh, Miss Mephisto, youâre back!â he was visibly and utterly drunk, and you cringed at the strong smell of alcohol on his breath. But then you noticed his eyes seemed to be fixated on yourâ
Neck. You realized in horror.
âOh... hic, t-that... I-I see,â he blabbered, coughing awkwardly as he stared at the marks on your neck. âMiss... so that man is... y-your lover...?â
âUh...â It was a wonder he didnât recognize Sylus at first glance. Perhaps it was because he was so infamous, but it astounded you how this person couldnât even tell that it was him.
"I-I thought... w-we..." he hiccupped again heartbrokenly, before snatching a glass on the table. "Oh, I need more drink!"
You observed him, half cringing. "Sir, I just want to remind you that once the documents are signedâ"
"Yeah, yeah! It will be done by the end of the week!" he yelled at you. "Miss, how about you have a drink too!?"
Suddenly, a glass of gin was shoved into your hand, and you let out an irritated sigh. Yeah, he might be right. A glass of alcohol would help you sleep better tonight, you figured, so you chugged it down.
"Huh...?" And it didnât take you long to realize something was amiss. The dizzying sensation set in far too quickly, you felt so hot, and you had to lean on the table next to you to keep from falling.
âAre you okay...?â a waitress asked you with concern, but the only sound you could hear was your own violent heartbeat. Before you knew it, the glass in your hand slipped from your grasp and crashed into the floor.
"Oh, miss! Are you okay?!" the broker suddenly got a hold over your body. "Oh! It seems you aren't feeling well! Let me escort you to you room!"
Room? You barely discerned what happened when he led you out of the crowd. Your head spun terribly, and then suddenly throbbed, making you clutch it and cry out in pain, "Ah!"
It didn't make sense, no matter how you saw it. You had a pretty good tolerance, so for you to get hungover from a gin was justâ
âOh, does it hurt much?â he suddenly asked in your ear, making you shiver. âDonât worry... it'll be bearable soon enough... Iâll make sure you will feel goodâŠâ
It's him! You realized. He spiked your drink!
His arms were now locking yours, steering you to go into the elevator. You took a deep breath before directing your speech manipulation evol on himâ "Let go!"
He was immediately jerked away from you, but as a result, you almost crumpled, your vision swimming and your head pounding intensely. The pain made you feel close to passing out, and yet you managed to trek forward, leaning on the wall for support.
You had to get away from him before he could catch up to you. Panic set in, and when strong arms caught you, you convulsed, thinking he had grabbed youâ
âStop thrashing!â
âS-Sylus...?â You looked up, trying to focus on his face, but everything was so blurry.
âIâm here.â His voice was ragged, and youâd recognize it anywhere. âWhat happened to you? Are you hurt?â
âM-my head...â Your voice came out as a broken whimper, clutching at your throbbing head. âHurts...â
You were feverish, trembling against his hold, and you reeked of alcohol. Sylus instantly realized something was seriously wrong and pressed your head into his chest to provide comfort. âJust a little bit longerââ his deep voice carried a subtle hint of alarm as he hoisted you up to his arms. âHang on, alright?â
But just as he was about to bring you back, he caught the sight of a fleeing silhouette in the corner, and realizing who it was, his right eye blazed, black and red mist swirled in the air and restrained the broker, engulfing his screams.
âS-spare me! P-please!â the man pleaded tearfully, pinned on the ground, and Sylus approached him silently, looking down at him with so much spite in his eyes.
âA roach that doesnât seem to know his placeâŠâ The corners of his lips twisted into a sadistic smile. âWhether you survive or not depends on you. Best hope youâll last.â
Despite his pleas, he paid it no mind as he walked away with you in his arms.
When you awakened, your head was no longer pounding.
It took you a moment to realize there was a cool compress on your forehead, you were now in a clean oversized sweater, and someone was holding your hand.
Sylus. You looked up to find him asleep, sitting with his back against the headboard beside you. It was rare to catch him sleeping. In this moment, he looked defenseless, yet a faint frown lingered on his handsome face.
Has he been waiting for you like this, holding your hand all night...?
You tried to get a better look at him, but the rustle seemed to wake him up instead, as his eyes cracked open.
âYou awake?â he asked, voice so sultry it woke all your senses up. âI was just shutting my eyes.â
âArenât you uncomfortable sleeping like that?â you asked.
Sylus turned toward you, his eyes still hazy from sleep. âWhat about you? Feeling better?â
âMm-hmm.â
He placed a hand on your head, ruffling your hair gently.
âReally, you...â His stare was so withering it made question marks appear in your head. âI took my eyes off you for one minute, and you ended up with alcohol poisoning?â
ââ? I didnât know! But wait, what happened to that bozo?â
Sylus gave you a deadpan look, and you gasped. âYou⊠didnât kill him and have his body secretly disposed of, did you?â
âJust who do you think I am?â
ââŠa kingpin of an illegal syndicate?â
Your loverâs scowl deepened further at your response. âNah, he got lucky. I only returned him with a broken jaw, broken hips, and two missing teeth.â
âSylus!â
If he looked sleepy before, now he definitely looked wide awake. Sylus always sleeps at dawn, and you wanted him to rest more than anything, but now you were itching to ask him...
âSay... were you waiting for me while sitting like this too when I wasnât conscious for three weeks?â You avoided his gaze, the question burning on your lips. Sylus had never given you a straight answer whenever you asked him about this.
This time too, he grumbled, âWhy do you keep asking that?â
âBecause I canât ask Luke and Kieran, they look as if youâd set them on fire.â
Sylus went silent, not giving you any affirmation at all, and you huffed and unclasped his hand, pursing your lips together. âI see. You donât care about me at all. Noted.â
You heard him sigh, before his red eyes squarely landed on you.
âWhen I was shot, you worried about me even when you know Iâm going to be alright,â he suddenly posed the question on you. âDidnât you?â
You nodded, and he tousled your hair againâthe action alone somehow made you feel warm.
âWhatever you felt that day, thatâs the same to what I went through during those three weeks. Multiply it by ten.â
âHuh!?â you rose up from the sheets in surprise, facing him.
Sylus then turned away from you, crossing his arms and shutting his eyes. âThatâs it, sweetie. Iâm going back to sleep now.â
âWait!â
You scrambled into his lap, clinging to his shoulder. Sylus begrudgingly opened his eyes again, a look of irritation on his face. âWhat?â
Multiply it by ten� Heh. At this moment, you felt light and giddy, knowing that the two of you were now true lovers in every way that mattered even when you were faced with his sourness.
âDon't scowl too much!â you giggled merrily. You placed your fingers on the corners of his lips, gently lifting them to force a smile. âHonesty suits you much better, Sylus. Itâs recommended.â
This cheeky woman... Sylus never thought the day would come for him to experience these myriad of emotions, much less for them to be incited by you.
He pulled you close, one arm around your hips and the other around the back of your head. Your lips met his in a passionate kiss that left no room for further conversation, only parting when you both needed to catch your breath.
âIf you want me to, then donât make me relive those nights,â he said with a sly smile, his crimson eyes glinting in the light and his voice like silk against your ears. âCan you?â
His tone softened your gaze, a warm sensation spreading through your chest. You responded with a playful snort, wrapping your arms around his neck and giving him another peck on the lips.
After your innocent make-out session, you nestled closer to him with a contented sigh, savoring the reassuring warmth of his embrace as you both drifted off again into the morning.
Epilogue
"Do you hear anything?"
"No, nothing..."
Luke and Kieran whispered amongst themselves as they tried to hear anything of importance beyond Sylus' bedroom. After their boss went back home with you passed out in his arms last night, they had totally expected the worst.
âSeems like sheâs alright thenâŠâ Kieran concluded, stepping away from the door. âWe should just go. If Boss catches us, weâre dead.â
The twins backed away from the door and went back to the living room, sighing in relief.
"But honestly, Boss has changed lately, hasn't he? He looks kinder, somehow."
"Are you sure, Luke? Maybe it's just when he looks at the missus. With us, meh."
âI still get chills thinking about when he destroyed the Protofield to dust after he found her following the explosion,â Luke gazed off in wonder. âIt was the coolest thing Iâve ever seen, but it was also heartbreakingâespecially when he tried to wake her and realized she was beyond help because the steel had pierced her heartâŠâ
Luke and Kieran went quiet at the memory.
âAnyhow!â Kieran suddenly exclaimed. âAllâs well that ends well! To be honest, I totally saw it coming that they'd end up together!â
âOoh, you're right! They did a bad job of hiding it too, no less! I mean, one time, the missus came out of his room whileââ
As the twins gossiped about their master and mistress, they were unaware that Mephisto the crow, perched nearby, was dutifully recording their conversation and would report it all to his master later.
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âGOOD! NOW PUNCH HIS FACE!â
â when your baby and gojo, geto, nanami, toji, and sukuna get protective over you (f!reader)
a/n: I am alive!! as an apology here is a multi-character post đ btw in toji's part, you're megumi's mom
GOJO SATORU:
two peas in a pod, twins, copies: these are all things people have called your husband and son.
honestly, theyâre not wrong. your son has his fatherâs looksâsatoru swears he has your nose and ears but anywayâand he carries the same protectiveness and love he holds for you, if not amplified.
you canât count on one hand the amount of times the house has been turned upside down because of their fights for a cuddle session with you.
of course, you have always tried suggesting them simply sharing you, but these problem children would rather eat raw zucchini than ever share the cuddle time.
so while your son is barely six, you can still count on him to team up with satoru against anyone who wrongs you in anyway like whatâs happening right now for example.
youâre out with your lovely family to buy some groceries, and since they both were whining about getting some sweets, you allowed them to go and snatch a couple from the next aisle.
on the other hand, you stayed to look for another type of detergent to clean the floorâespecially since satoru got this new type of paint for s/n and itâs quite an endeavor to remove it with a regular detergent.
however, being in the cleaning supplies section never guaranteed the lack of filthy men who canât take no for an answer. this one man approaches you, smug grin on his face as he leans on the wall, âwhatâs a pretty lady like you doing alone?â
âbuying groceries like a normal person; now please leave me alone.â
he quickly frowns, âdonât be so stingy doll,â his hand extends towards your arm, âI can show you a good time; I promiseââ
the man is swiftly smacked with an egg on his face, and he is left with the egg dripping down his face, âwhatâs your wrong with your kid, man?!â he yells at the person behind you.
he then grumbles, âruined a potential good night.â
âmy kid was absolutely right in what he did,â you hear satoruâs voice. you then feel a hand on your shoulder, and youâre pulled into a chest youâre all too familiar with, ââtoruââ
your husband shoots a small smile your way, pressing a quick kiss to your lips, before looking at his son, âthat last throw was very good, s/n! throw another one but just below his stomach."
a cheshire cat-like grin is plastered on your husbandâs face as s/n prepares to launch another egg at the man.
there is a very evident scowl on your sonâs face as he yells, âdonât you ever bother mama again, you stinky bum crumb!â
the man gasps and tries to make a run for it, but your son wouldnât be the son of gojo satoru if he doesnât manage to land the hit exactly where he wants.
the man quickly crumbles to the ground screaming and alerting literally everyone in the store.
so satoru picks both you and s/n and makes a run for it.
you hold tightly onto him, âwait, âtoru, the groceries!â
âwe can always order! saving my princess and son is more important!â
your son grumbles, âbut I want to hit the rude man!â
âme too, champ, butââ satoru sweat-drops and glances behind him, âI doubt the angry security guards would like that!â
GETO SUGURU:
your twin girls are one of the sassiest to exist.
in a way, they take after their father who is also pretty sassy but very low-key.
the sass of all three combined is terrible to be the victim of. luckily for you, they donât dare direct their triple ray towards you, especiallyâin any argumentâat least one will try to win you over.
if itâs suguru trying to stay on your good side, then he is hugging you from behind, pressing feather-like kisses on your shoulder and whispering about how sweet you are. if itâs the girls, then they cling to your legs and keep yelling about how much they love you.
so it is safe to say that you have a small squad to protect you from any potential âdangerâ.
âoh my, dear shouldnât you focus on refining yourself a bit more?â you hear a woman say beside you.
you turn towards her, offended, âexcuse me?â
âI mean,â her eyes scan you, disapprovingly, âyou look average at best, and with that you wonât be able to find yourself a husband, let alone have children.â
youâre still processing her audacity as she continues, âbut then again, itâs probably for the better that you donât have children; you can barely take care of yourself.â
âcan I help you?â your husband says as he approaches the woman.
she smiles condescendingly before chuckling, âI was simply telling this lady to take care of herself more; she hardly looks presentable.â
getoâs smiles tenses up as he is about to give the woman a calm peace of his mind, but his daughters beat him to it.
your older twin stands in front of the woman, scanning her with pure disgust in her eyes.
she grimaces and voices out her thoughts, âyou are like a crunchy lizard.â
the woman gasps, âhow dare youâ!â
you cut off the woman, curious about your daughterâs conclusion, âwhy a crunchy lizard, sweetheart?â
your daughter looks at you with a small frown, shaking her head, âa crunchy lizard is an ugly sad lizard.â
a snort escapes your husband, and youâre barely able to contain your smile.
your other daughter follows up, looking at her twin sister, âthe lady looks like that one green thingy we saw yesterday,â she taps her little foot, trying to remember and beams at the woman, âshrek! you look like shrek!â
then they both glare at her, frowning, âyouâre a monkey!â
your husband doesnât let it go as he deals the finalâsubtleâblow, âcome on now girls; we shouldnât bully the lady with the mcdonaldâs like hairline anymore.â
it seems like the woman canât take it anymore as she starts sobbing and running to the hills.
a moment of silence is shared across the four of you, before you carry both of your girls in your arms and start tickling them, âI donât know whether to be proud of you or scold you, little evil girls!â
they squeal, trying to escape your hold and calling for their father.
geto chuckles and wraps his arms around the three of you, âlet them have it for tonight, y/n,â he ruffles their hair, âthey were brave and defended their mom, after all.â
âyeah, papa is right!â
âyes mama, please!â
you pout then smirk at geto, âwell I donât mind, and since papa is also very proud of you girls, he will buy any toy that you guys want today!â
the color drains from your husbandâs face, and he watches motionlessly as his girls latch onto him, screaming about the toys they want.
you giggle at his expression and blow him a kiss. he reluctantly blows you one back, while the girls excitedly pull him towards the toy store.
NANAMI KENTO:
you and your husband were blessed with the sweetest girl as your daughter, and she was just recently joined by another sweet girl.
you can never forget the happiness on your daughterâs face when she saw her baby sister.
it also seems that no matter how many times you give birth, your husband canât help but get emotional when he holds your baby. his hands are forever delicate as he cradles her to his chest.
you remember what he said during the birth of your first daughter.
âI feel like a piece of heaven has been plucked and placed in my arms.â
the way he always goes soft for the three of you is honestly adorable.
today, you were going on an outing with yourânow 6 months oldâbaby and your older daughter who is almost six.
your husband never brags about his muscular form, but he never misses a chance to carry the baby or the baby supplies.
you have offered to at least carry the bag, but he always refuses, stating that âyou already carried the baby for nine entire months in your belly; this is the least I can do.â
so yeah, sometimes you wish to smooch your husband till forever, but thatâs not the point.
youâre walking hand in hand with your daughter as she sings her favorite song. you hear someone click their tongue, so you look to the side and lock eyes with an old lady. she takes the opportunity and approaches you.
âyou should be ashamed of yourself!â she yells pointing at you, âyour husband shouldnât be carrying the baby supplies nor the baby itself for the matter,â she scowls, âthatâs your job!â
âwith all due respect maâam, but that isnât her job, and taking care of the baby should be something we are both responsible for.â
âyeah!â your daughter huffs, âand donât take out your sad life on my mama!â
your eyes widen as you stare at your daughter.
on the other side, your husband is just as speechless. your daughter pays no one any mind as she continues, âmama works hard every day! you wouldnât know that! you immature nugget!â
nanami frowns lightly, âd/n, thatâs not niceââ
and for the cherry on top, your baby daughter throws the bottle cap she was playing with at the old lady, and frowns at her.
she starts babbling some nonsense that you're pretty sure are curse words in baby language.
having had enough, the old lady huffs, âthe utter disrespect,â and starts walking away.
the rest of the spectatorsâ eyes follow her till she is out of sight. finally then, people start minding their own business, and you and your little family are left to the aftermath.
you giggle, âthat was funny.â
âreally?!â your daughter beams.
nanami cuts her off, âno,â he then looks at you with a small frown, a sigh escaping his lips, ây/n donât encourage themââ
your baby daughter screams happily when she sees her sister smile. she starts kicking her feet with the biggest smile on her own face.
your older daughter starts laughing with her and tries to make her little sister laugh moreâshe was successful.
meanwhile, you chuckle, leaning on your husbandâs shoulder, âadmit it, kento; it was kind of funny.â
his resolve softens at the sound of laughter from all three of his girls, âokay, maybe a little, butââ
âyay!!â
ladies: 1
kento: 0
FUSHIGURO TOJI:
your husband and son are so alike, save for the part that your husband is a bit more shameless, and your son is more on the shy side.
however, they both have the same bluntness and the tendency to give anyone who they donât like attitude.
for example, today, you were walking in the park with the both of them to unwind a bit.
not to mention that megumi wanted to walk his dogs which was a plus, since you would be able to watch your dear son play around with them.
it was all going great until you saw an old âfriendâ who came running at the sight of you. he was someone who has always been way too touchy and in your personal bubble.
you have tried talking to him about it, but youâre confident that he does it to somehow force you into reciprocating the intimacy.
even if youâre a married woman with a freaking kid.
he giddily clasps your hand, ây/n, âbeen a long time!â
âh-hey,â you smile awkwardly.
he laughs, âI was passing by when I saw your figure, and I couldnât help but come and say hi.â
you nod, âthatâs great, but I am busy, so maybe later?ââ
âyouâve gotten even prettier!â he exclaims, âI wish you would finally take me out on aââ
âcanât you see that she is uncomfortable?â your son retorts, âalso, you should step back; you shouldnât touch someone like this without asking them.â
megumi squeezes himself between the both you and glares at the man.
the guy was about to reply to your son, but toji pushes him back with ease, pulling you beside him and hand resting on your waist almost by instinct, âkid is right,â he tilts his head a bit, âever been taught manners or do I have to do the teaching for you?â
the guy is taken back; offended, he snaps âyou canât speak to me like that!â
âand you canât hold my momâs hands like that, but here we are,â your son cleverly sasses him.
on the other hand, yourâshamelessâhusband pulls you into one scandalous kiss and smirks at the guy when he pulls back, âand you canât hit on a married woman, by the way.â
you hear your son gag in disgust at his dadâs actions, but youâre too busy burying your face in your husbandâs chest, hoping that the guy disappears before toji makes even more of a bigger scene.
you also hope that the ground would swallow you, but thatâs the alternative option.
the guy clutches his fist, before walking away, spewing insults at the skyâsince he is too scared to cuss out your buff husband. once the man is out of sight, toji ruffles megumiâs hair, chuckling, âgood job, kid.â
your shy beanâs cheeks redden slightly as he looks away, ââŠthanks.â
youâre still thinking about what just happened when you slap your husbandâs chest, âtoji, literally why?â you grumble, patting megumi who started holding onto your leg the moment you hugged toji.
âwhy not,â your husband shrugs with a small smile, taking pride in your flustered form.
âdad, I want ice cream.â
âno, you just want me to let go your mom, so you can hog her for yourself,â toji grumbles, staring down at megumi.
unfaltering, megumi looks up at him ,âdad, I want ice cream.â
âgod damn it, listen here youââ
âdivine dogs.â
RYOMEN SUKUNA:
there is no denying that both your son and your husband care for you very much, and they bothâvery aggressivelyâcompete for your attention.
I am talking he literally throws the kid across the room kind of aggressive, and your son, in turn, throws whatever he has at him.
itâs eventful, but you would be lying if you said that it wasnât one of the reasons why you will get grey hair earlier than everyone else.
so their very aggressive nature is also shown in their protectiveness over you.
a person doesnât need to insult or even dare flirt with you for your devil duo to make their life a living hell; your husband and son donât tolerate someone speaking to you if it causes you to ignore both of them.
for example, this one new servant was clueless to where the broom is, and unluckily for him, he saw you sitting with your husband and son in the gardens. he humbly approached you, âexcuse me, mâlady.â
you turn to look at him with a smile, âyes?â
he clears throat, a bit flustered by the attention, âIâI wanted to ask where theââ
âup your ass, you disgusting fiend,â your son sneers followed by his fatherâs ever-permanent scowl.
âwho gave you the permission to come and speak to her so casually?â sukuna presses, and the servant quickly falls to his knees.
âm-my apologies, my lord! I did not mean to disturb you!â
sukuna crosses his arms, âwell, you did, and you also disturbed your queen and prince,â his eyes narrow at the servant, âwhat do you have to say for yourself?â
meanwhile, youâre watching all of that, mouth agape and trying to articulate anything to save the poor guy. you finally find your voice, âsukuna, itâs okay; he didnât meanââ
your son hugs you tightly and glares at the servant, âto think he would so brazenly speak to you like youâre old friends is terrible, mother.â
you can almost see your sonâs cursed energy flaring, and you can spot the small smirk on your husbandâs face as he watches his son.
before it escalates any further and you find yet another dead corpse in your palace, you pick up your son, kissing his cheek which makes him flustered and causing him to bury his face in your neck.
you look at the servant, âyouâre dismissed, and you can ask the head maid about anything you need, okay?â
ây-yes, mâlady!â he, however, stays glued to the ground, âmay I have the permission to lift my head?â
sukuna grunts, âsure.â
âthank you, mâlord,â the servant says, before scurrying towards the gate, having secured his freedom after his little mistake.
or at least, thatâs what he thought.
your husband slices his legs off with a flick of a finger, and your son, who has inherited his fatherâs technique, slices the head off.
and so the body falls to the ground, and the other servants hurriedly start cleaning up the mess.
you frown at your husband, âsukuna! he apologized!â
he rolls his eyes, and pulls you by the waist, âdo I look like I care? he shouldnât have interrupted our time together.â
âaww, youâre jealous!â
âno, I am notââ
âhands off, old man!â
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HIS FAVOURITE Wâ STUDENT !
a/n: dilly / @crysugu i am losing the pwp war i needed the lore to be in this HELP. anyway !!! professors bc i cannot stop my mind from spiralling while starting my university classes â im not entirely proud of this but eehhh âŠ.
wc: 4k
warnings: ultimately semi-public sex for all, unprotected sex, cumshot, standing doggy, brief oral (m receiving), brief f! masturbation, brief fingering (gojo), geto is a professor who is also a camboy, camgirl!reader, f! and m! masturbation, mentions of bad dragonâs cumtubes, brief fingering, unprotected sex, creampie / breeding kink (geto), pussy slapping, spitting (on yo pussy), pet names, clit stimulation, oral / cunnilingus, tit play, fingering, implied f! masturbation (nanami), mentions of murder, stripper!reader, riding, degradation, calls you âslutâ and âwhoreâ, calls you âmamaâ once too, unprotected sex, oral (m receiving), deep-throating, slight face-fucking (toji), n*sfw under the cut
ⶠGOJO
professor gojo was⊠an interesting teaching figure. he didnât have a set way of doing lectures or tutorials, nor was his feedback on assignments entirely coherent, but he was fun and unorthodox. he was also hot as fuck, as youâve heard from your friends, but you never really got the deal even after seeing his photo on the university website or from miles away entertaining some starstruck student. his classes were always left with no vacancies, too, only able to see what your friends meant after stepping foot first into the lecture.
you were a tad bit early, greeted with gojo sitting at the front with his legs propped up on the desk as he shot you a nonchalant greeting and you think maybe you shouldâve signed up for another lecture group, but then he speaks and the air is knocked out of your chest. professor gojo is charismatic when he teaches about art, design and media, captivating everyone with the stark white hair and blue eyes, but heâs clever with his glances because you arenât realising he stares at you more than anyone else.
arenât you in your second year? how did he not see you anywhere last year? why did you just sign up?Â
the smiles he gives you are sweeter than others, the words more sugar coated with lilts in his voice and youâre chastising yourself for not being any different from everyone else, soon turning into the girls who ask for extra tutoring sessions and sidling up to him on campus â at least youâd get the full experience.
âoh! sweetness, what are you doing here?â youâve managed to get gojo just as he leaves his office, standing outside for quite some time thinking if youâd really want to do this. several lecturers and professors have already walked past asking if you needed anything, but no matter how much you wanted to say professor gojoâs name, it always turned into something like waiting for a friend.
âohâ uhm, professor gojo, just wondering if the grade for that major project is really set in stone?â
gojo makes a show of thinking, but you know youâre asking for the devil himself when he replies yes with a stifled grin and youâre asking if the two week period of appealing works for the major youâre in.
âyou can submit other collaterals as an appeal but it might either boost your grade or bring it down,â the professor leans down with a sick smile on his face, because heâs had so many people outside just like this, nervous from his advances and yet not going through with what they thought they could do. but this time itâs you, the you who he imagined taking on his office desk or even in a lecture theatre for everyone to see, who wants the words to fall from your lips just so he could be your knight in shining armour.
âis there really no⊠other way to appeal?â you swallow when gojo switches the position and gets you in exactly where he wants you: your back facing his office, his face dangerously close to yours while his eyes slyly catching the way your thighs rub together.
gojo smirks to himself when you knock down yet another cup of stationery on his desk after âdiscussingâ ways you could improve your grades, nails making unsatisfactory noises on the wooden desk while he can hear your cunt gush around him, made obvious from the squelch of your hole and heâs muttering praises into your neck from behind.
âthis what you had in mind, baby?â just another girl in his roster, getting ruined just for a grade that wasnât even that bad. what you didnât know is that you were the only girl, getting professor gojo so hard in lectures and tutorial classes just from the sight of you that to finally have you â itâs a sweet reward. you shiver when his hand reaches to your front to rub at your clit and youâre grasping at nothing as moans leave your lips.
ây-yeah, professorââ gojo is filthy, lewd, lifting your leg to prop up on the desk just so he could get deeper in you, your pussy everything he imagined and more as he continues to fuck into you. youâre warmer than his hand, than some hookupâs mouth from the club, clenching around his cock so tightly his hips stutter.
âf-fuck, angel, tryna snap my dick off?â you let out an incredulous chuckle at that, hips moving back to meet his while the sounds of his balls slapping against your ass fill the room. your juices are coating his length so well, too, that gojoâs eyes lock on your cunt that sucks him in over and over again, the spread of your pussy lips just amplifying his moans. the other spreads your cheeks and sighs at the translucent ring of cum at the base of his cock, hips fucking up to hit your sweet spot that youâre cumming with a shock down your spine â so hard, so deep, so intense that youâre jolting from the orgasm with whimpers of his name. gojo never truly is done with you after pulling out to cum on your ass, however, and you arenât either.
thereâs a thrill that runs through his veins when you back him up onto the sofa, a glimmer in your eyes that suggest youâre as intoxicated on him as he is on you, a sultry gaze taking over your shyness from earlier before heâs pushed onto the cushions.
âthank you for the meal, professor,â you giggle and gojo swears heâs reached his death when your mouth first closes around his still sensitive tip and he whines loudly, hearing your fingers fill your drooling cunt as your hand squeezes out leftover cum from before. a hand runs through your hair and your cockdrunk face is enough for him to see whiteâ
professor gojo thinks you look heavenly between his legs.
ⶠGETO
you sigh echoes throughout your dorm room, ending the stream and collecting your keep for the day as you grimace at the mess youâve made on your sheets. itâs not like it wasnât pleasurable, but on some days youâre wondering how long you truly need to serve gross men on the internet for it to be enough to pay off your university fees. sure, there were a few attractive people who commented and tipped you, but that was the extent of it. itâs not long before you can only think about cleaning up and taking a big fat nap, but a video in the sidebar catches your attention.
it seemed like a casual stream â no script or planned storyline apart from a heavily tattooed arm taking up half the screen, his pelvis just slightly off the thumbnail. he was faceless, too, filming rather from the chest down which was also inked, something that sends a chill to your core.
itâs only later when youâre slipping your dildo back into you as you watch this stranger pump his cock, guttural groans and slick noises filling your airpods that you realise the dragon wrapping around his arm looks awfully familiar. youâre so blissed out by pleasure, focusing on the needy moans that the man lets out before he cums with a grunt, so much cum leaking out from him. youâve reached your high too, but you have no time to admire the stranger because it seemed like he was in a hurry, but not before youâve caught a glimpse of his lip ring.
you know why he looked so familiar, now, standing in front of him in his office while his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, something he doesnât do often. geto suguru doesnât wear his lip ring in lecturers either, and now you think you know why because they match the video youâve seen just last night. you arenât even entirely sure why you were called in, and you think maybe itâs because you âaccidentallyâ sent a friend request, but youâre taken aback when he asks you if youâve already selected a tutor to be your mentor throughout your major project.
âsurprised? i sent out the email a week ago, love.â you try not to let the name get to you, and the confession lingers at the tip of your tongue.
ây-yeah! i saw it, professor geto, justââ
everyone was no stranger to professor getoâs striking looks, always turning heads with his unconventional gauges and long hair that probably shouldâve landed him in a modelling agency in the first place. except, heâs opting instead to teach linguistics, a fitting major for him to talk of the history of language and its formation of it, even slipping in some latin and greek to show its origins but you can hardly listen when all you can focus on is the tight pull of his shirt around his body while his hair falls around his face and you think maybe it was a bad time to think if his hair falls out of his bun while he rails someone. you hope soon itâll be you, just so you can confirm it for yourself with no other reason involved (youâre a fucking liar).
geto clears his throat and you swallow and the flex of his forearms only distract you further, the dragon on his arm seemingly laughing at your torment as it moves along his skin â the other doesnât miss your dilemma, staring at you for your answer with a dark stare and enjoying the effect he had on you. your brain doesnât respond fast enough, though, and youâre blurting out the first thing as you watch the curve of his mouth turn in either distaste or satisfaction; you werenât sure.
âi saw you stream yesterdayââ and you slap a hand over your mouth, wanting to run immediately, but you didnât expect him to smile after a moment of recognition, making the connections to your account until his mouth falls open just a little.
âyouâre the little cutie who sent me a request last night, arenât ya?â
as he asks the question you hoped he wouldnât ask, you find thereâs nothing on your mind except maybe seeing his tattooed arms wrap around you â and you did. they looked so much better up close, leading from one thing to another in that stuffy office soon theyâre looking especially good with how heâs currently dragging the tip of his cock along your folds, collecting your slick as you hold onto his biceps after confessing sin after sin about you fromâ
âiâve jerked off to your videos.â a burn on your cheeks when geto sets you on his office table, palms leaving hot trails along your thighs and skin. he lets you play with his bulge, hands probably forming bruises on you from how you relieve the tension in his pants.
âthe way your cunt wraps around that dildo â makes me wish i was there fuckinâ your pussy instead.â a gasp and a moan when he preps you with both fingers as he sucks hickeys into your neck and plays with your tits, pinching your nipple that has you clenching around him.
âdidnât miss how you like to be bred in your videos too. think maybe you need some real cum, princess,â getoâs button up shirt is pried open by now, trousers just barely pulled down below his hips because he has a lecture in about half nâ hour. though, he wanted your pussy all to himself and if 27 minutes was all he was granted, he was going to make full use of it. geto groans into your hair when your legs wrap around his middle and heâs reeling at how heâs been watching your videos for the longest time and yet, nothing compares to having you fall apart by his hands.
a quick glance to his watch tells him fifteen minutes, eyes flitting back to the squelch of your cunt around him and he smiles smugly at the whimpers he knows so well. heâs sure itâs imprinted on his brain by now but his dick still jumps at the many variations youâve let out during the 27; heâd commit every single one to memory. âprofessorâ s-shit!â
geto angles his hips up, the curve of his cock hitting that spot just right that your back arches and you let out a drawn out moan, âyes, baby?â
âw-wanâ your cum in me, suguru,â youâre pleading with a drunk little smile and your face is twisted into such pleasure heâs only seen through pixels that geto cums almost immediately with a pained laugh seeing the real thing, hips stilling as he fills you up, up, up to the brim with hot, white semen that geto feels embarrassed to climaxing so quickly. but what can he do? when his favourite camgirl and student asks to be bred, itâs only natural.
how could he possibly say no?
ⶠNANAMI
âdoes that mean the poem is written from the crossâ perspective?â your hand shoots up in hopes of interpreting the text correctly, but also because, just maybe, that you wanted to impress a little someone at the front of the lecture theatre. beside you, you can hear the gasp of your friend along with the eyes of various other students. âsort of likeâ personification?â
nanami points to you with his glasses that heâs long removed, a small smile on his face. itâs not like youâre trying too hard, but of course you know your shit fairly well. you always have in every class, it was just a bonus you were so attractive that all nanami could think about was spreading your legs right on this desk. âyes, almost. anthropomorphism, something that was very common in poems or works written in old english.â
you were sceptical about professor nanami at first, especially since he was a lecturer who was transferred here from overseas only three months ago and is technically quarter of a white man, but he held command of the japanese language well enough for you to understand, both in speech and concepts. you were more interested in the lecturer himself though, piqued from the moment he explained his grandfather was danish and you turn to your friend, explains the blonde hair, doesnât explain how heâs so insanely fine, giggling quietly to each other the first day.
as for your major, it was texts after story after poem, but you enjoyed it alongside giving your own input in class â something you knew would help your participation grades. youâve raised your hand in more ways than one, always coming up at the end of lectures with a question, stopping him in hallways to show him the book you were currently reading. so thatâs why you were confused when you were called to the front of the lecture theatre after everythingâs over. it couldnât be bad, right?
it wasnât bad, it was much better, especially when nanamiâs got your legs on either side of him on the lecture theatre desk while he takes his rightful place between your legs â somewhere heâs always longed to be. both the front and back doors are locked, with only your soft, muffled moans filling the room. but nanami has no shame, slurping up the juices that drip from your pussy loudly, possibly staining the desk below him. heâs cared before about the condensation of his drinks but when it comes to your sweet, sweet cunt? he doesnât give one fuck.
âtaste so good, sweetheart,â nanami moans wrapping a forearm around your thighs and just eats. he flicks his tongue over your clit, while the other hand goes up to squeeze at your tits, kneading and playing with them while youâre still at awe at the man on his knees, at how youâve gotten one of the hottest professors in the university eating out of your pussy like itâs the last meal on earth.
youâre snapped out of your daze when nanami lands a few slaps onto your pussy, brown eyes boring holes into your skull. but this stare is different, as opposed to glaring down the mischievous boys who canât stop making noise, this isâŠ
âpay attention when i eat your little pussy, angel,â the demanding tone has you shivering, a small grin stifled when he nods in deserved approval and continues his assault. fingers slip in before you have time to react and your head is thrown back so hard it bumps against the wood but you donât care, clamping down around his fingers. nanamiâs pace is unforgiving, sucking hard on your clit while he pumps them in and out.
âfeel good?â nanami asks through slurps as he catches your eye, licking one last stripe before gathering his saliva into a ball and he spits onto your clit, sight so lewd you clamp around his fingers. he admires how the way the glob of liquid runs down your cunt and mixes with your arousal that he canât wait for it to be his cum instead.
âbetter thanâŠâ your voice trails off when he rubs in his spit, a thumb on your bud while he continues to move his fingers and your thighs are already trembling from how nanami knows all your sweet spots in such a short period of time. nanami simply chuckles at your sensitivity, meeting you halfway as you sit up to feel his lips against yours and he whispers against your lipsâ
âwhat were you gonna say, baby?â
youâre heaving for oxygen as he adds a third finger and youâre just hoping heâd show you his fucking dick already. hot breath fans across your lips and you smile to yourself seeing how your words affect him.
âbetter than fucking myself with my fingers thinkinâ itâs your cock, prof.â
ⶠTOJI
it was nine in the morning, and toji could already feel a headache forming from the amount of absentees in his class, simply sighing before pulling up the details for todayâs lecture, eyes unknowingly looking for you in the large lecture theatre. he finds that youâre already looking, clad in a cardigan and tired eyes â no doubt from trying to reach his deadline earlier than usual. toji found that you liked to do that, the first one to always submit your essays and assignments, so thatâs why he knows what game youâre playing at when youâre asking the difference between first, second and third degree murder when you already know their definitions.
he would know â you got full marks the other time.Â
âhm?â toji only hums when he sees your enthusiastic face and a quick look down to your lower half shows how your legs spread naturally for him. the professor only licks his lips before he spots your underwear, entertaining you for now as you stare on earnestly, while nothing is actually entering your brain. thatâs okay, though, youâre smart.
toji can count on one hand the amount of times you manage to catch him off guard, but he didnât expect both of those times to be on the same day. it was a busy night at the club, trailing behind professor gojo, bored, until the clock hits 11 and the shift changes, some dancers retiring for the night whilst others make their way out. they emerge with pumps and skimpy outfits, but toji still hasnât found someone worth wasting his loaded bank account on until youâre stepping out in a corset and garters and toji whistles lowly, eyes travelling up your person unforgivingly before he hears a small gasp.
his curiosity is piqued at the small noise, only to be greeted with your widened eyes and taut muscles at having seen your professor at the strip club you work at, but with a clap from somewhere backstage your body moves naturally into a professional stance, and perhaps a little more sluttily than other days.
your professor was hot, of course you would work twice as hard, twisting your body around the pole while you show off your assets â things you were covering just this morning in professor tojiâs lecture. he taught criminology, a minor that you were trying out in your second year of uni and if it didnât work, youâd drop it, but no matter how much you complained about the class, the green eyes that bore into yours in lectures always seem to ask you to stay. you never really knew whether he was looking at you or not.
at least now, youâll make him.
tojiâs hands tightened around the wad of cash he planned to waste tonight, all put on hold just from watching the way you put your body on display. he wouldnât have imagined seeing you tonight at the strip club he let gojo drag him to, but heâs almost glad heâs here when you seem to be only dancing for him, all focus on the other patrons lost.
your eyes are still locked with tojiâs, reminding you of the times in the lecture theatre where green was all you could see, a smile creeping on your face when one of your girlfriends behind you whispers that the man with the black hair and tight shirt wants a private session with you.
thatâs all it took before you feel tojiâs hands on your ass later in the private room, pulling you to his front with a smirk. âwhatâs a sweet girl like you doinâ here?â
you roll your eyes as you feign annoyance. your heart was pounding along with the music, finally being able to feel his toned body from the front., âcut the crap, prof. you booked me for a reason. what, here to talk about my grades or something?â
âwhat? canât see my favourite student?â you scoff with a small smile.
âand how did you know i work here?â
âi didnât, but seeing you work that pole,â toji grins, landing a smack on your butt before grinding his very obvious, large bulge on you and heâs loving the way it seemed to stimulate your clit, âi need ya to show me what iâve been missing, mama.â
toji groans later while youâve got his cock in his mouth, on your knees in front of him while youâre fisting the places you canât reach. you take most of him easily, feeling the tip of his length reach the back of your throat. there, your eyes flick up to him, doe eyed and pleading. it isnât long before you feel his hips bucking into your mouth and the cute twitch of his cock in your mouth, moaning around him as you knead his thighs, dragging him closer with what little strength you had.
âdirty fuckinâ slut, huh?â toji mumbles out breathlessly, tightening his grip around your hair before you start bobbing your head again, a plethora of lewd noises alongside the slurp of your saliva and his pre-cum mixing only makes your panties wetter and sends your cunt clenching around nothing. âwho knew my cutest student was such a whore?â your head reels at the degradation, sucking in your cheeks even more while you slobber over him. toji swears under his breath when your tongue sweeps over his tip, collecting his pre-cum.
âitâs sâbig in my mouth, professor,â giggling, you bob your head faster as the otherâs noises increase in volume, and heâs left to tap the side of your skull, causing you to tilt your head in question. the vibrations of your moans has him grinding into your mouth, shutting you up until heâs cumming down your throat with a loud groan. toji spills so much into your mouth that you have to swallow twice, pulling on your jaw as you show him the remnants of the cum still on your tongue.
ââm sure they have it somewhere in the conduct about professors not having sexual relations with a student,â toji chuckles when he sees you peel off your underwear, eagerly wrapping his arms around your waist. âor even something about cutting corners to get your grades upâŠâ itâs a little soft, trailing off when he feels you drag his tip along your pussy and heâs mesmerised with how your dripping folds accommodate him easily.
you pout in dramatics, thighs tightening around his when you take inch after inch of him before youâre bottoming out. thereâs a deep sigh coming from you before youâre moving your hips lazily, a certain slur to your words that already show youâre drunk on your professorâs cock and toji only smiles.
âyeah, but my grades are perfectly fine,â you whisper with a small whine when toji squeezes your ass, something he never thought heâd get a taste of.
âplus, weâre not in the classroom now, are we, professor?â
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Mars âïž and Your Sexxx Language đ±đâš
QUICK MESSAGE TO THE BADDIES
HELLO!!!! To all of my sweet, sweet Kosmic Baddies, Oh!! How Iâve missed you!
I cannot believe itâs been over a FRIGGIN year, but GOODNESSâŠ.believe me, when I say this past year has been a roller coaster for me, I truly mean it. I can only imagine whatâs been going on in your lives as well. Just TOO MUCH!!!1111!!!!!111!!!!!1 But welcome to 2024! A universal 8 year and the year of the Dragon!!! WE IN THIS THANNNNGGG!!!! Hard work, discipline and accountability is the theme, and we canât lose!!!!!
Believe it or not, I actually STARTED writing this to have to you for Halloween, but ummmmâŠ.this is looking like a Valentineâs Day post instead! HA!!!! Blame it on my Saturn in Piscesâ my relationship to time isâŠ.non existent. But, I think this timing is better anyways. The theme is very fitting so we are going to turn apples into oranges.
***Even funnier update, now itâs past Valentineâs DayâŠ.GOODNESS!!! This has been the longest itâs taken me to write anything. LikeâŠINSANE. Almost 6 months Iâve been steadily working on this!
Thank you to those who have continued to support me! Thank you to those who have continued to share and interact with my post through myâŠletâs say, hiatus! I am planning to put more energy and effort into this blog post. I LOVE writing for yâall, it is really one of my favorite things in the world.
I am going to take a moment to apologize in advance and say, the typos are probably going to be real with this one. Because Iâve been working on it for so long, Iâm just ready to get it out, so it wonât be my cleanest work. I will probably be updating and editing, so bare with me!
đŻ INTRODUCTION đŻ
SoooooâŠ.where to start? I wanted to do something fun and interesting this go round because I missed yâall so much, but I also wanted to do something light so I could get back into the rhythm of writing againâŠ.aaaaaaaaaand I thought you would enjoy something a little smexiiiii as we move into cuddle buddy season. So, in this post, we are going to talk about Mars and Your Sexxx language.
One day, as I was driving around town, it dawned on me that we always talk about Love Languages (check out my Mercury post if you havenât already) and we never talk about sex languages. And yâall know me, and if you donât know, youâll soon find out, I am a Bharani moon (atmakaraka at that); and the blending between Mars and Venus is my soulâs most valuable asset to share with the worldâŠ(Did I mention my moon is the 11th House?) Sex is one of the most taboo topics (in Western puritan culture, at least), yet such a powerful resource in our human tool box and itâs ridiculously important in our relationships. The 7th House is followed by the 8th House for a reason. Intimacy, of course not always sexual, is what leads to self-discovery, the 9th House. So we cannot overlook the important step that is sexual relations. Even the word âorgasmâ means âlittle deathâ and death baby, is as close as you get to God. (See how those houses flow together so well?) Hence why things such as Tantra are a sexual AND religious experience all in one. Donât be fooled by western/christian ideals into thinking that sex is unholy or ungodly. If you think Jesus was a virgin, think again. I mean, whatâs the point of turning water into wine if youâre just going to roll over and go to sleep? Yâknow what I mean?
Donât worry! If youâre a less experienced reader, and havenât engaged in aaaaallll thhhaattt⊠this post is still for you! In fact, this is one of the reasons I love astrology so much, because hopefully this post will give you some context about yourself and what your SOUL craves, not just your body, so when you do start âdoing the doâ you can be spiritually comfortable with your wants and desires instead of ashamed or even afraid of them.
Not to put all my business on the streetâŠbut, hey, I love yâall, so I wonât keep too many secrets from you (mercury in the 8th, HA)âŠbut, I had to do quite a bit of bumping and grinding to discover what my soul needs in an intimate relationship and I wish there was more of âguideâ for me on that journey! So HEREâŠIâm giving it to you!
WHAT IS A SEX LANGUAGE? đ
To be completely honest, a âsex languageâ isnât something as defined as a love language, so please, bear with me as we discover this together. Please feel free to share any experiences or insight with me. Although I may not always respond, I TRULY appreciate you taking the time to share with me. I try to read everything that I can!
Iâm defining sex language as how one creates and shares intimacy in their close relationships. This is particularly expressed through physical interactions and outward expressions. Mars is a planet that governs our passions, drives and desires, meaning our sex language is guided by what we deeply want and crave from our partners on a spiritual level. Venus represents more of the external notions that we have for love and relationships, while Mars represents our internal needs from love and relationships. Mars is inherently a more personal and âself-centeredâ planet, so interestingly enough, your sex language is all about you! I go as far to say, when you find a partner, donât forget to check your Mars compatibility as well. If you have extremely incompatible Mars signs, you will have to do a lot more work in the relationship to overcome the constant friction. Moreover, if you have more compatible Mars signs, then WOOOO BABY, the sexual tension could be off the charts!
âš ABOUT MARS âš
Mars placements wonât make or break a relationship, per say, but it is a very important layer to help maintain a relationship. How many of you have heard of sexless marriages and people being unsatisfied in their relationships in a sexual way? Does that mean the couples always break-up because of the lack of sex or chemistry? NoâŠ..But does it help a HECK OF A LOT when you are wildly attracted to your partner? YES! (Of course this isnât always a good thingâŠbut for the sake of this post, we are only talking about rainbows and sunshine.) Just keep this in mind as you start to use this knowledge in your journey. Mars is a really important planet that is easy to overlook because itâs not in the Big Three! (Yet, it iiissss the natural ruler of the 1st House).
WHY IT ALL MATTERS đ
I truly believe there is a shift in the collective and many couples are going to be coming into union over the course of the next year or so. Why? Because Ketu is FINALLY transitioning out of Libra and entering Virgo. If youâve noticed, weâve seen quite a bit of celebrity break-ups and covid relationships coming to a screeching halt. Hence why I say, if youâve been single, or havenât been in a serious connection in the last few years or even ever, now is the time that your next partner might be going through some significant ending with an ex. Union is on the horizon for a lot of souls who have been doing theeee spiritual work. Thatâs why I couldnât think of a better topic to get started to set the mooooooooood. Bow-chicka-wow-wow.
So without further ado, letâs get into the nitty gritty. Iâm going to do something different and start with Mars in Pisces/12th House and work backwards to Mars in Aries/1st House! I thought âHey! Why not switch it up a bit? Pisces shouldnât be forced to scroll ALL the time!â
***Note: If youâre feeling extra spicy, you can read for whatever sign is in your 1st House and 8th House as well because those are traditionally Mars ruled Houses. And you can read for your 12H, because the 12H is also the house of bedroom pleasures! Always keep in mind that we are complex creatures and astrology is like a puzzle, so itâs okay for some things to resonate and other things to not. Learn as many perspectives as possible so you can define yourself!
With Love & Lust,
Enjoy!
A-D đ
Mars in Pisces/Mars in the 12th House
âCut me like a rose, turn me like a beastâ Only- Ry X
If your natal Mars is in Pisces or the 12H, you may actually have a hard time knowing what your desires are. Why? Because Mars can feel as if itâs drowning in the deep spiritual waters of Pisces. Your wants can be quite dreamy. You crave a sexual experience that transcends space and time, forcing you to leave your body and touch God himself in ecstasy. (Iâm a western Mars in Pisces, soâŠI get it). When it comes to your sex language, you want your partner to just get âyouâ. You donât want to have to explain or talk or direct, youâd rather just receive and give a special type of unconditional love that knows no bounds. Because of this âboundless loveâ, you may actually, literally, lack boundaries. This doesnât have to be a bad thing, so we are going to focus on the positive. You are truly accepting of those who are accepting of you. Because Pisces is a mutable sign, you are willing to fit into whatever box your partner wants to put you inâŠand you receive great pleasure from making a deep seeded fantasy of your partner come true. You could be just as playful and imaginative when it comes to role-playing as a Gemini.
Because Mars is in Pisces or the 12H, youâll find that a lot of partners will project their wishes and dreams onto you. Hence why you want a love that is really deep, because people can get washed away in the shallow end of your energy without ever fully realizing how deep your waters flow. This can be frustrating. And because Mars isnât the most comfortable here, you can have some unhealthy ways of expressing your sexual frustration. Particularly if your Mars is in the 12H, you can be attracted to self-gratification through self-pleasure and also self-harm. You may even conflate the two, harm & pleasure, and have a dark side to your sexual fantasies. Your passions and desires can end up being repressed because people may not understand them, or be able to meet your high expectations. Amd babes, I love you, but just know, your expectations out of partnership are OTHERWORLDLY. But no worries!! You are SUPER DUPER freaky and almost a guaranteed partner that will go down in history books, particularly after you get comfortable in your own sensuality.
One of the things to watch out for with this Mars, is you can be passive-aggressive in the bedroom. You can take a more passive role, expecting and energetically demanding that your partner take the lead. You may not realize you even give off this energy, but the internal need that you have to dissolve into your partner, like sugar into water, can be very intense. And the gag is, sugar doesnât really fully dissolve, so what youâre seeking can be impossible to satisfy on the earthly plane. Because of this, it is IMPERATIVE for you to have spiritual outlets within your sexual connections. It may be that you and your partner practice Tantra, or you simply pray together. With this Mars, you can absolutely use sex as a tool for manifestation. Watch your thoughts during sex, because you truly can create MAGIK!
Mars in Aquarius or Mars in the 11th House
âI believe in aliens, I donât believe in loveâ Familiarity by Teezo Touchdown
If your natal Mars is in Aquarius or the 11th House, you are something special. Why? Because out of all the signs, you are the most unique lover. I KNOW!!! How frigginâ cliche, Aquarius=Unique, blah blah blahâŠboring. YES! Itâs said all the time, but itâs the truth. In Vedic Astrology, it is important to note that Aquarius is ruled by Saturn and Rahu. This is hugely impactful as to why you are unlike anyone else. Even as you read this, you wonât be exactly like the next person reading this, because the Saturn Rahu combination can be influenced by so many different factors. Aquarians are the hardest sign to write for in general, simply because you are going to be very individualist when it comes to how you express yourself. Now, all that being said, you still crave, very deeply, a sense of belonging. So please, donât ever take for granted how special you are. If someone is lucky enough to break through your hard exterior, they really are in for an extraterrestrial experience!
Because Mars is in an air sign here, you may or may not be the most sensual and/or sexual person on the planet. You could be. But you could not be. And that is the giftâŠor curseâŠof this Mars placement. I have Mars in Aquarius myself, and I remember reading an article that said âthis placement can be infuriating to your partner because you are so nonchalant.â And I can definitely say Iâve lost relationships because the other party assumed I was disinterested because I wasnât the most expressive when it came to my emotions. Itâs important to remember that Mars in Aquarius/11H is actually a neutral placement. It isnât a death sentence or the worst thing on the planet, but itâs not necessarily the best. So donât be too hard on yourself if your partners donât understand you very easily. You will just have to do more work to learn how to communicate and accommodate in your relationships. This may be something that follows you throughout lifeâŠand forget your partnerâŠ.it could be infuriating to you! BUT NO WORRIES! Mars in Aquarius or Mars in the 11th house is usually more concerned with developing and nurturing friendships, which seems to contradict the more lustful side of Mars. Longing for friendship and connection versus longing for sensual pleasure and connection can be seen as two different things.
What Mars in Aquarius/11H wants more than anything is L. O. Y. A. L. T. Y. Because this Mars placement can grant so much freedom, it is imperative for the person with this placement to feel safe and secure in the sexual relationship they are building. This is NOT to be confused with possession. Expecting loyalty from a partner isnât the same as feeling as if you own your partner. You believe that your partner should have freedom to express and live their life the way they want to, and you expect the same in return. However, you do expect your partner to consider you when they make their decisions in life. It is very much âgive a dog a bone, leave a dog alone, let a dog roam and heâll find his way homeâ (S/o DMX, may he rest in peace). Meaning, in your sexual language, you want your space and privacy, but you want to feel a belonging no matter how far away you are from your partners.
NOW, for the fun stuff. You are one of the most explorative lovers on the planet. You may have a âthe more the merrierâ type attitude and be interested in group smexii time or oragies. You may have a dream to experience Amsterdam and the Red Light District. The beauty in having your Mars in an air sign/house is that you can remain detached from the sexual experience and partnerâ therefore, you may not experience jealousy because you arenât super possessive. Again, youâre all about freedom baby!!! You may also have some pretty âfar-outâ kinks. You may be interested in different genders, or same gender, or mix gender or no gender or latex or pantyhoes or dress up or furries or hentai or tentacle pornâŠ.and if youâre not into it, chances are you will at least click a questionable link or two. You donât carry the same shame as others do when it comes to what turns you on sexually. You donât like anything boring or too routine, so your search history could be a bitâŠoddâŠ.BUT HEY!!! As long as itâs not hurting anyone or anything and pleasure is being derived from all parties involved, then let adults do what adults do is kind of your attitude.
Friendship is the key to your heartâŠand to yourâŠuhâŠbiological boxâŠ.lol. When it comes to long-term relationships, I can bet my bottom dollar that youâre far more interested in the friendship aspects than the inherent relationship drama. When your friends ask âwhy are you still dealing with themâ, you will follow up with âwell, we are friends before anything else.â And you mean that deeply. The really funny thing isâŠon the other hand, you are also very likely to get down with complete strangers and never think about it again. You can hook-up and detach with the best of them, or your loyalty to a confidant can keep you in a relationship for a very long timeâŠit. Just. depends.
The one thing that is true about your sex language, is that you speak ALL different kinds. When you look back at your life and your experiences, if you are more of an adventurous Aquarian, lets say you have a lot of air and fire in your chart, you will most likely have all kinds of stories from all different people and places. You will be one of the most interesting partners and friends to talk to about all the mixed bags of experiences that youâve had..which is awesome. If your Mars in Aquarius/11H is paired with a more âearthyâ sign or even water, you will most likely have a rom-com type love thing happeningâŠthat tugging âwill they/wonât theyâ energy at the beginning of relationships, only to fall head over heals with the âguy/gal next doorâ. You may also find your sexual partners online, in a group setting or be hooked up by natural friends. âHowâd you meet?â âOh, I heard from a friend of a friend that that d*ck is a ten out of ten!â
Mars in Capricorn or Mars in the 10th House
âMy vicious love, My lethal heart, I wanna screw you up into meâ - Bad Bad Bad by Ramsey
If your natal Mars is in Capricorn or in the 10th House, then your sexual language is money, moneyâŠandâŠ.uhâŠ.more money. I kid, I kidâŠbut not really. It would be easy and predictable for me to say you just lust after money, but it goes much deeper than that. Believe it or not, Mars is actually exalt in Capricorn, so, you couldnât have a better Mars placement. Your natural ruler Saturn and Mars truly are the best of friends. And if youâre familiar with Tarot, then you know The Devil represents Capricorn energy and The Devil is all about seduction and temptation. Unlike some of the more dreamy Mars placements like Pisces/12H or Cancer 4H that use their sexual language as an escape from reality, or the detached air placements like Gemini/3H or Aquarius/11H, who are too aloof to harness Marsâ energy, YOU my Capricorn/10H individuals are acutely aware of how powerful the nature of sex can beâŠand most importantly, how it can be used to your advantage.
To the average person on the street, you may not seem like the super sexual type. You prefer a sophisticated lover to a âcuteâ one, so people can assume that your standards are too high. And perhaps, your standards are high, because you understand the value of your presence and your time. In fact, you HATE wasting time, so why would you waste time on lovers who donât bring anything to the table? Sadly, for most of the public, they wonât ever have the experience to be with a Capricorn/10H Mars because quite frankly, they canât afford it.
Funnily enough, Iâm sure as youâve been reading this, youâre like âdangâŠam I that shallow?â And the answer is yes and no. Youâre shallow because we live in a shallow worldâ and you know in order to survive it, you have to use what you got to get what you want. The other side of this is, youâre not shallow at all because you are willing to work and discipline yourself and sacrifice for those that you truly care about. There is such a depth to you in the long run, that it makes sense that you make it really difficult for people to get to you. Because you know and I know, once youâve committed to someone, youâve committed for as long as you possibly can. Your sexual language is all about stamina and endurance. This is true in and and out of the bedroom. As an earth sign/house, you are a sensual being. You enjoy each and every bit of romance that you can get. A nice meal, some good perfume, dressed to the nines is all considered foreplay to you. You entice your partners with a certain dignified class and only the brave will approach. In your younger years, you could find this extremely frustrating at times because men will really have to get their sh*t together before they can even THINK to approach you on that level. But the more that you use your Mars to get you where you want to be in life, partners will follow behind you and constantly buzz around as if you are the Queen Bee and they are mere workers for your attention.
Funnily enough, you are quite the heart-breaker with this Mars placement. Because you are so focused on your goals outside of love, and yet, you can crave sensual pleasures, you will be very direct with a partner, but they may not be aware of how serious you take yourself. How can this manifest? Letâs say you meet a partner and everything is groovy, but you are working on a big project for work, youâre working on a degree of some kind, or youâve said you wonât rest until you make partner at the big companyâŠunlike other Mars placements, you wonât let romance sway you or take you off track. You are probably the best example of âright person, wrong timeâ. You donât have as much of an issue as other signs walking away from a situation that is distracting you from your more worldly desires. This can leave people utterly confused, because you seem like a perfect partner, but honestly, youâre just not focused on aaaalll the drama that can come with fully committed relationships. People may actually take this energy and say that youâre a playerâŠor worseâŠa floozy (one of my favorite words lol, definitely needs to make a comeback). You actually arenât. You will be one of the most committed partners they could find, but if itâs not the right timeâŠit just ainât happening. So your partners will have to maintain some level of patience or they will miss out. On the other hand, because Mars is a planet of extremes, you may go through periods in life where you are celebate. It may take you awhile to stop channeling that Martian ambitious energy into your career and put it towards your sexuality. That being said, you will enjoy the more sensual side of sex. You could have great stamina and endurance. Because sex may not come around as often as youâd like, you will learn to savor every drop of your partners and please them in a calculated, thoughtful and masterful way! How smeeexxxiiiiiii!!!!!
Mars in Sagittarius or Mars in the 9th House
âIâve been everywhere, man, looking for someone. Someone who can please me, love me all night longâ Where Have You Been by Rihanna
If your natal Mars is in Sagittarius or the 9th House, your sexual language is that of many languages. You fall in love with the exotic, unknown and unexplored. You like your partners like James Bond likes his carsâ foreign. You appreciate partners who expand your understanding of reality. Your partners have to expand your mindâŠand bodyâŠinto positions that you never thought were possible. If you donât attract partners who are of a different race, culture or class from you, then you will be attracted to partners who are otherworldly and spiritual or are just as serious about their religious beliefs as you are. Like Mars in Pisces/12H, your planet is ruled by the planet Jupiter, aka Guru. You NEED to learn from your partner. You NEED to explore with your partner. And you NEED to be able to teach your partners something as well. âI wanna knowâŠcan you show meâŠI wanna know about the strangers like meâ...Itâs givingâŠTarzan and Jane. I have Mars in the 9th House, and it has manifested in a very fun way! So with my bias, I believe that this can be one of the more fun placements if you just go with the flow. Unlike other Mars placements, you donât necessarily feel the need to control your partners. Youâd much rather experience them, learn the lesson and move on to the next new shiny thing. Much like your brother, Gemini, you are equally as invested in getting the knowledge and seeking more knowledge. You of all signs are unlikely to overstay your welcome in a relationship. You can come off quite restless and unsatisfiedâŠUNLESS you are just fascinated and enamored with an individual.
You can find yourself attracted to people who have accents, or speak a different language than you. But you will be even more turned on by someone who shares the same religious beliefs as you. You may actually be willing to convert religions for your partner OR, and this is more likely, you have a partner who is a different religion than you are, and instead of being ashamed by it, or making it an obstacle, you embrace itâ ultimately respecting their religion, while maintaining the traditions of your own.
You will naturally desire to travel with your partner. Making some of your favorite memories in life when you made-love in some far off land. If the sentence, âI made love to a Frenchman I met while eating a baguette at the local cafe under the Eiffel tower and Iâll never see him again, but heâs the love of my lifeâ turns you onâŠcongratulations, youâre in the right spot.
This Mars placement is fueled by your deepest desire to see the world and its deepest truth, and then just imagine how much you can learn about the world through the lens of an intimate partner. Your sexual language, like I said earlier, involves language in and of itself. You want to hear the stories of distants lands, fascinated by the foreign nature of your divine counterpart. You will want to be intimate with partners who can speak for hours and hours about their adventures and endeavors. You need to be intrigued at the very least.
I also find that with this placement, there may be an age difference in your relationships. You either will be attracted to someone who is much older and wiser, OR, interesting enough, you could find yourself with someone younger. Why is this? You will appreciate a person who still has zest for life. You will be equally attracted to partners who are bright eyed and bushy tailed! Plus, I know Iâve talked a lot about your partner entertaining and teaching you, but the truth of the matter is, you will want to be as much of a sage to your partner as well. You will enjoy teaching them the ways of life and the pursuit of happiness. They will look to you with eyes of wonder as you paint beautifully vivid pictures of your life experiences that have shaped your view of the world.
Another element to this Mars placement, is you are one to challenge authority. This may manifest in your sex language by liking to explore BDSM culture in some way. Because this Mars is all about freedom, you may be turned on by the thought of your partner controlling youâŠjust so you can say no. You can come off as a âwell, make meâ...kind of lover when it comes to foreplay. You love a challenge and you like partners who challenge you in some way when it comes to living out your sexual fantasies. Another way this may come out is you AND your partner may have a knack for getting into trouble or enjoying sex with some kind of risk involved. You get off being able to sneak away for a quickie. Youâll have sex in the backseat of a car. Joining the mile club is definitely on your bucket listâŠall the things! Because you are such a rebel, you tell stories that have ânormiesâ clutching their pearls and leave their mouths open. You want to have memorable sex that is worth writing a book about!!!
I can not drive home enough how spiritual your sexual relationships have the potential to be. You are not a shallow lover. You are a lover full of wonder and full of lustâŠwanderlustâŠif you will. Sagittarius/9H is a very serious zodiac/house. You're destined to seek truthâ so your sexual partners HAVE to enlighten you in some way. You donât want to get stuck in the mundane, boring stuff of a relationship, (and please, donât get too carried away, because we do live on planet earth!) you want to experience shrooms, talk about God and make love in the forest! Smexxiiii!!!!
Mars in Scorpio or Mars in the 8th House
âEvery breath you take, every move you make, every smile you fake, every single day, Iâll be watching youâ Every Breath You Take by Sting
Okay, okay, it would be all too easy to say your love language is stalking, and more stalking and even more stalking, butâŠthatâs only a small fraction of what this Mars placement has to offer. If your natal Mars is placed in Scorpio or in your 8th House, your sexual language is that of raw passion and intensity. That being said, it is also about restraint and self-restriction, and sometimes self destruction. I tend to find Scorpionic energy and 8H energy to be radically internal. You, actually, may not be the most expressive lover. You are more comfortable waiting, studying and planning to pursue a lover, rather than going in full force. Because Mars is your natural ruler, Mars is more than comfortable here, but unlike your brother sign, Aries, you are more of the âplanningâ part of war, rather than action. This is the strategy of self-defense more than anything. You donât want to walk into an intimate situation to be intimate yourself, you want to extract vulnerability from your partner like a detective solving a murder crime. Your sex language is more of a riddle than a question. And you would like a partner who intrigues you and leaves a lot of mystery. In my many many years of dating, and many many encounters with Scorpionic energy (I attract them like fliesâŠitâs crazy) I always find that Scorpios are nowhere near as mysterious or hard to figure out as they perceive. Behind all that black and dark stares and gazed is usually a pretty pretty boring, but shy person. There is such a caution with this sign when it comes to acting on those very deep and sometimes all consuming desires, so you are very careful to not put yourself in harm's way. Another hot take that I have on this placement that may seem a bit contradictory to the Scorpionic stereotype is YES YES YES, you are smexxxxiiii and all of the things, but that doesnât necessarily make you the most sexual person. You take intimacy and sexy very seriously, more seriously than most, because for you intimacy and vulnerability can be used against you and be seen as a weakness, so you are hard pressed to just be going around willy-nilly swinging from partner to partner. You also view sex/intimacy as more of a âpowerâ thing than a âloveâ thing. And what do I mean by that? You know that deep intimacy and truly being intertwined with another individual gives you an unreal amount of access to that person on a personal and spiritual level. It is always important to remember where Scorpio/8H lines up in the grand scheme of things. It follows the Libra/7H of partnership. The 8H is actually the house that dictates how a relationship will play out. This. Is. Imperative. To understand this placement. You are far more focused on how the partnership plays out, rather than the partnership itself. Again, unlike your predecessor, Libra, who is ruled by Venus and may be more interested in the looks of a relationship and romantic partner. Your sexual language is more interested in the psychology of your partner. You donât care nearly as much about the outside as you do the inside. What draws you to your partner is a need to access the ultimate truths through your partners. Hence why, you are followed by Sagittarius/9H of Truth and Liberation. Your sex language involves restraint, power and hidden truths.
As I said before, it may be really difficult for you at times to truly connect with your partners because your energy can demand sooooo much from them. You will require partners to go through such depths in their relationship with you, that they may not be able to handle it. And on the other side of that, you may stay away from relationships because you may mistakenly feel like it brings out some of your âworstâ qualities. With this Mars, you may go through a very intense relationship when youâre young, one where you give your all, I meanâŠyou would kill or be killed for those you love, and because that relationship fails, you may never want to experience those types of lows again and stay away. You are one of the most loyal of the Mars placements, so you are very careful to study who exactly you are giving your loyalty to. I recommend with this placement, you may find yourself oddly attracted to Aquarian/11H energy. It sounds weird, water and air, but in this case, Aquarian energy is endlessly fascinating because they are so unorthodox, you will never truly figure them out, so youâre constantly intrigued by them. Aquarians also value loyalty the same way you do. They will allow you the freedom that you need to sit in your own emotions, but value the friendship in such a way, you wonât feel abandoned by them. Even if the people you are attracted to donât have Aquarius in their chart, I think that quality is something you should consider when looking into intimate partners. It is probably the partner who gives you the most space and it is the hardest to figure out, that will give you the most in life. If you have a partner that is easy to conquer, not only will you be bored, but you can easily slip into those darker energies of control and manipulation to get you wayâŠeven when itâs unnecessary.
AAALLLL that said, you are still a hell of a lover! I meanâŠwow. You intricately know how to please and conquer. You use sex as a language itself when youâre ready and willing. And man, do you have a way with words. You can easily hypnotize a lover to fall under your command, so be careful with this gift. You are more than comfortable in this arena once you move past your fears in the subconscious. You can channel this energy, much like the exalt Mars in Capricorn to succeed with some of your greatest ambitions. You will put your sexual energy into your work and projects in a way like no other! Just donât take everything so seriously! Itâs okay to have a good time. Be intimate and open up some! Youâll enjoy getting your head out of the sand!
Mars in Libra or Mars in the 7th House
âWhat a rush & what a high, cause when your love donât fight, smoke gets in your eyesâ Smoke In Your Eyes by Skepta, Ossie, Harry Stone
If you came to this section thinking that I was going to talk about how sweet and balanced you are when it comes to your sexual languageâŠTHINK. AGAIN. BABE. You are nothing of the sort. Seems contradictory, huh? Because Libra/7H is all about balance, right? WellâŠnot when it comes to this Mars placement.
If you have your natal Mars in Libra or the 7th House, you are quite the spicy lover. To be completely honest, Mars is VERY uncomfortable here. Why? Because Libra is naturally ruled by the planet Venus, which is essentially the opposite frequency of Mars. I like to think of Mars and Venus as the brother and sister planets of the Milky way. Traditionally ruled by Ares and Aphrodite in Greek mythology respectively, they are technically half-siblings. So when you think of this Mars placement, this of how a girlie-girl would feel surrounded by all boys at a football camp. Sure, she may attract a lot of attention and she may have plenty of optionsâŠbut she will CERTAINLY have to set clear boundaries to command the respect she deserves, as well as deal with the fact that no one around her may have the same interest. See how this can be uncomfortable? Itâs not the worst thing to happen, but it can cause you to feel like you have to play the field a little bit differently because of Mars being in the House of Libra.
Okay, so now that we covered why this placement might be different than what you were imagining, letâs get into what this post is actually about!
If you have this natal placement, your sex language is all about breaking up to make-up. Because youâre on this constant quest of seeking balance, YOU will subconsciously or consciously seek chaos in order to regain balance. Your indecisive and somewhat aloof nature in relationships can be a source of frustration when it comes to your sexual expression with your lovers. If you have Mars in your 7H, you genuinely LOVE conflicts and attract conflicts to your relationships. You can be quite passive aggressive, honestly, and stir the pot to get attention. AAALLLL this being said, you still enjoy the finer things and love the idea of love, even though you may not have the most direct way of going about it. Your partners may even find you hard to read, and this can frustrate you, because your wishy-washy-ness is so innate to you, you may have a tendency to think that everyone is as back and forth with decision making as you are.
Ironically, more so than any of the previous placements I have discussed before, I will focus more on what sexual language you like from your partner rather than yourself. Of course, you like good food, good wine, good clothes, good banter, good companyâŠyou have Libra, like DUH, but I want to offer a different perspective on this placement.
So when it comes to your partners, you truly like a partner who takes charge, regardless of sex. You crave a level of masculinity and directness in your love language because as I stated earlier, it can be difficult for you to make decisions for yourself. You overemphasize how people will perceive you, and this can cause you to stunt your decision making, so youâll find yourself craving a partner who can be unabashedly unapologetic in their approach to life. You seek partners who are brave and courageous and you will find yourself testing anyone you fall in love with to see if they have that spark of passion in them. You may find yourself seeking different things from different people, so you may have multiple loversâ and just like how it may take you forever to pick out your outfit in the morning, it may take you forever to figure out what you value in a partner. It is important to note that Libra/7H energy is indeed a masculine energy. Iâm sure most would assume itâs feminine because of the âsophisticatedâ and charismatically social nature usually associated with Libras, but when it comes to sexual relationships, Taurus/2H energy is the feminine side of Venus. Libra energy in this way is more detached than people would think. As stated earlier, because you enjoy dates, chatting, getting to know people, you may be a really good casual dater! This could send mixed messages to potential lovers because you may have never really had any intention of dating them long-termâ or, you really just havenât decided yet. Now are we starting to see how this Mars placement can attract certain conflict? You will desire and crave a partner that can make decisions for you. This may lead to some kinkiness in the bedroom because youâre open to compromise and you can be bossed around in this regard.
Overall your sexual language is complex because of the inherent contradiction of this natal placement. You can make this work in your favor as long as you keep open communication with your partner, even if itâs to tell them that you need some more time before youâre comfortable making any lasting decisions. When you date, you will have to allow your partners to understand your up & down nature. Most people will probably take your pragmatic nature personally, so if you can find a way to channel this into being sexually playful with your lovers, it can be a great way to keep romance fun and interesting. As stated in the beginning, you are most likely to end up in an on-again-off-again kind of relationship because you like for the scales to be tipped, so you can rebalance them. You are far more detached in commitments than most people would assume, so it is essential for you to date like-minded people who understand that your coldness is not a reflection on your feelings. You choose to remain objective in your judgements and seek fairness in your relationshipsâeven if you are the one who was unfair to begin with! Kiss it kiss it better baby!!!!
Mars in Virgo or Mars in the 6th House
âI got commitment issues, but Iâm tryna fix that for youâŠI donât believe in love, but that doesnât mean I donât take you seriousâ Commitment Issues by Central Cee
With Mars in Virgo or the 6th House, you may be surprised to find how non-committal you are when it comes to relationships. Why? Because you find relationships to be impractical. So when it comes to your sexual language, you are quite all over the place. Lovers can find you hard to catch, almost like trying to keep a fairy in a jar. You prefer to flutter around and keep things light in the sexual department. To you, sex can scream responsibility. After all, sex can be a pretty risky and dirty affair. All the fluid exchange and, ultimately, the required vulnerability, can make you quite uneasy. With this Mars placement, you can go between the two extremes of putting too much emphasis on sex or not enough emphasis at all. This is due to the natural ruler of Virgo/6H being Mercury, which, I find to be, an asexual planet. You are more interested in the intellectual connection than the physical connection.
BUT PLEASE, donât get me wrong! You know youâre way around the bedroom. Your sexual language is constantly evolving. You do well with long-term partners that you can trust, study and get to know. You prefer a lover that is loyal, so you donât have to worry about where theyâve been, or better yet, who theyâve been with. You find joy in repetition with one partner. OR, you are really open to âprotectedâ one-night stands. You are either all in or all out. You donât like to waste time on sexual relationships that you donât see a return for a long-term investment. That being said, if you are unable to invest in the long-term, you can find yourself in a position of sexual frustration. You may really desire a person, but because of your deep need for perfection first, you may stall connections & find a lot of pleasure in masturbation for the time being. You, like your opposite sign, Pisces, can really get into your fantasies. You may find that erotica and romance novels can be great resources to pass the time while you likely toil between celibacy and being a whore (this is particularly funny to me because Virgos are known for being the Virgins of the zodiacâ hence the contradiction in Mars in Virgo. The planet of sex and desire ruled by a âVirginâ is, uhâŠ.a difficult juxtaposition to say the least.) â again, itâs all about mental stimulation with you.
When you do meet a partner that you can FINALLY settle down and feel comfortable with, you will be a very giving lover. Because Virgo energy is usually associated with servitude, you better believe that you will make it your duty to service the object of your affection. You care very deeply about the satisfaction of your partnerâ far more than you care about your own. As stated earlier, you donât mind finishing up solo as long as your partner is satisfied. You will find every nook and cranny, every deep desire, every love spot that your partner has, because you will analyze their body with astute detail. You will break your partnerâs sexual language down and adapt it to be your own, because after all, you are a mutable sign. As well as being an earth sign, you do have a very deep sensual nature to you. Although you can come across as quite guarded with new partners, once you blossom, you really enjoy heavy petting and physical touch. You can spend so much time in your head and alone with your thoughts in other aspects of your life, you may find it very powerful to have a partner that literally grounds you and brings you back to planet Earth by holding you in their arms. Again, after youâve bent over backwards (pun intended) to please your partner, you, more than any other sign, except maybe Leo, really needs to be acknowledged and celebrated for your hard work. You donât take kindly to being undervalued or under appreciated when it comes to your romantic relationships in this context.
Believe it or not, this placement can actually be quite kinky! Why? Because of the influence of Mercury again. As stated before, you want to learn your partnerâs as well as you possibly can to make sure you are seen as perfect in their eyesâ sooooo, that means youâll have some exploring to do. Mercury is such a curious planet, that it may not be kinky for the sensual pleasures of it all, but it will be interested in testing out sex & kinks for âresearch purposesâ. This can give you a sort of detached feeling when it comes to sex, which may or may not work in your favorâ youâre able to disassociate in a way that makes sex almost an out of body experienceâŠit may take you some time to actually feel pleasure from sex. You are so focused on the other and pleasing your partner, you can forget that sex is supposed to be a two way street! I just want to reiterate, that this placement is so mutable, that you may find yourself pretty ambivalent towards sex at different times in your life. Youâre kind of like âehâ. But there is hope, when you find a partner that lights your fireâ you will find yourself wanting sex like a child wants candy! There is plenty of potential here for a beautifully active and engaging sex lifeâ it just may take more time to develop than others.
Learn your own kinks! Have fun! Explore the more sensual side of life for yourself!
Anyone who is able to win you over (which is NOT an easy feat by any means) will be able to revel in the fact that you are such a wonderful lover! But donât forget, sex is not a test that you can get an A + in, itâs supposed to be the culmination and celebration of it all!
Mars in Leo or Mars in the 5th House
âShe may be the queen of hearts, but Iâm the queen of your body partsâ - Cockiness, Rihanna
If you have Mars in Leo or Mars in the 5th House, you are Britney Spears, all eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus, bay-bee. You LOVE to put on a show. Your sexual language can make love-making a spectacle! Youâre over the top, youâre loud, you roar. You LOVE LOVE LOVE the attention. So much so, you may not even need sex to fulfill that internal desire for you. Huh? What do I mean? I mean, you may be satisfied using your creative gifts for sexual gratification. Chances are with this placement, you are highly creative and charismatic. You find sensual pleasure in being able to share your creative gifts with other people. Havenât you heard of entertainers saying they had so much fun on stage, it was orgasmic? Thatâs where you come in.
Ironically, I donât naturally find this placement to be the most sexual. Donât get me wrong, you are DOWN DIGGITY for a good time, but you really use sex as an ego booster. You may even be quite lazy in the bedroom. You could easily live by the code âmy present is my presenceâ and be a dazzling pillow princess. This isnât a bad thing, and it definitely doesnât have to be the case all the time! When youâre turned on, youâre turned on, but when youâre just casually engaging in sex, or are in a long-term commitment, you may feel like sex is something that is owed to you. Not in a weird entitled way, but more like a Queen sitting on a chaise lounge being fed grapesâ like, âduh, you should have sex with me, Iâm beautifulâ, type energy. This, if you havenât been able to guess already, can lead to a selfish attitude in the love-making department. You must remember that sometimes, your partner wants to be catered to as well. That being said, you wonât shy away from Valentineâs Day. You are the type to go all out! Youâll put on the lingerie. Youâll lay out the rose petals on the bed. Youâll pay extra for that honeymoon suite. OR, you will expect your partner to do all of this without you asking. You treat holidays and sex as if itâs a royal affair.
Due to your standards being so high, I cannot express to you enough that you may really put all your sexual energy into your creative pursuits until you find a lover of high-value and high sex drive. You love and somewhat need to feel desired in order to break down your walls. You donât play hard to getâ you ARE hard to get, so this may leave you with extended periods of non-sexual activities. You are more than willing to give up sexual pleasure for your own personal pursuitsâ in fact, you are more likely to do that if you have specific career goals.
You may be a tad bit surprised at my interpretation of Mars in Leo, perhaps you were assuming it would be a bit spicier, but I challenge you to look at your ruler, the Sun (yes, the actual burning ball of fire in the sky) . Not literallyâŠwell, you can, but make sure you wear sun-glasses. But in all seriousness, the Sun shines alone. The Sun is too hot to let anything near it, and it carries such a gravitational pull, that things simply orbit around it, but can never get too close. With Mars in Leo/5th House, you may find yourself in this position when it comes to your sexual nature. You attract a lot of people towards you, but they are unable to get too close, for fear they will burn up in your presence. Or, you shine so bright, you are forced to do it alone. Being the Sun and the center of the Universe is a hard job, but ultimately an isolating job. Your being, your creative gifts, your star power and the way you shine can cast such a shadow on those who dare come near you. It really can be one of the most challenging placements because you probably wonât understand why people canât/donât come near you. Again, youâre just soooo great, people can have an overwhelming and unrealistic ideal of what it will take to make you happy. Itâs a double-edged sword. On one hand, itâs flattering, but on the other hand, you can suffer from being put so high up on a pedal stool that you never asked for!
One tip for you, is to keep your hair beautiful and lushes! People will be attracted to your wild side and want to bring that out of you. You can either really love having your hair pulled or be turned off by it because you spend so much time making it look perfect. Either way, your hair may be an essential part of foreplay for you and something that suitors may find undeniably sexy.
As long as you are mindful to share the spotlight from time to time and not always prioritizing your needs & your desires, you can be a remarkably loyal partner. Fierce is the word that comes to mind and you can be very fierce in the bedroom. (When you want to be.) You can outshine any of the competition. Most people truly canât hold a candle to you when it comes to how committed you are in an intimate relationship. You are proud and you protect those that are around you and that you deem worthy. You have a royal air that surrounds you and it loudly and proudly screams `bow down bitches' when it's time to get down and dirty!
Mars in Cancer or Mars in the 4th House
âLet me kiss you hard in the pouring rain, you like your girls insaneâ Born to Die- Lana Del Rey
If you have Mars in Cancer or Mars in the 4th house, ironically, your sex language involves a knack of overwhelming emotional destruction. Dramatic, yes, yes, I know, but very true. Mars is VERY uncomfortable in the deep waters of Cancer/4H. Mars in the 4th House, in particular, is a naturally difficult placement because it sits in the House of happiness, as well as aspects the 7th House of partnership and the 11th House of friendshipâ making that native, uh, a little difficult to deal with. Why? Because your emotions can be so erratic and illogical, it can be difficult for people to understand what you want. Heck, you probably donât understand what you want most of the time. I promise Iâll get to the good stuff, but keep in mind that this Mars placement is in detriment! (Itâs exalted in Capricorn, the opposite sign.) So when it comes to your sexual language, you value such a deeply emotional commitment from your partner, you could constantly try to test them by pushing their emotional boundaries.
There is a mixture of pleasure and pain. You love an emotional outburstâ this can be good and sexy, or bad and scary. Emotionally bonding make-up sex, is your cup of teaâŠESPECIALLY if you are the one who caused the âbreak-upâ in the first place. You truly enjoy engaging with your partner in a loving way, when you can, but because Mars is so unstable here, it can be hard for you to maintain emotional consistency within long-term relationships. You can find that your passions wax and wane for your partner. Sometimes, you just want to run into their arms and kiss them in the pouring rain, other times, you want them to LEAVE YOU DAFUQ ALONE. This can be quite jarring to your intimate partners, but also to yourself. I recommend embracing this quality and being as honest as possible! Instead of literally creating a sh*t storm in order to be left alone, just communicate to your partner that you need a little space from time to time. But also be willing to give your partner that same courtesy and grace if they ask for the same.
You can feel a need to wrap yourself up in your partner's desires. It may come from a genuine place, but because Mars is an aggressive planet, you may be quite aggressive in how you demonstrate your love to your partner because your deepest desire is to be able to emotionally control them. This can manifest in an extremely emotionally manipulative way through passive aggressiveness and just causing overall uneasiness within your dynamics and partnerships. One of the lovely sides about this particular placement, is when you mature, you can have an extremely high emotional I.Q. Because you are naturally very sensitive to your surroundings, you can literally sense the emotional and physical needs of your partner without them having to say a word. You can be so emotionally intune with your lovers, it can feel like telepathy if they need anything from you. You just know, yâknow?
In the bedroom, you can go from one extreme to another. Sometimes you want to be dominant, and sometimes you want to be dominated. It is important for your lovers to be able to ride your waves and learn what is needed from them at any given moment. Again, Mars is all about conquest. So when Mars is in the 4H in particular, you want to be able to be the leader in your home, but you also want someone who can take the reins when necessary. Again, this can be a difficult balance to strike within your sexual relationships because people may not understand the method behind the madness, typically because there really isnât a methodâŠitâs just kind of madness AND THATâS OKAY!
Because Mars is so uncomfortable here, it is imperative for you to be able to channel your energy in creative ways or you can fall victim to your own emotional tirades. You want a clear line of communication with anyone you are interested with and they absolutely need to have some emotional intelligence or else they will drown in your water. You donât want to suffocate your lovers with so much emotional intensity, that you both are unable to remain somewhat grounded in the chaos. You of all people understand just how powerful emotions and sex can be together, so be careful to use it wisely!!! When done right, you can have anyone wrapped around your finger.
Mars in Gemini or Mars in the 3rd House
âTalk is cheap my darling, when youâre feeling right at home. I wanna make you move with confidence. I want to be with you aloneâ Talk is Cheap by Chet Faker
If you have Mars in Gemini or Mars in the 3rd House, then you are all about an intellectual connection when it comes to your sexual language. You want to catch viiibbbeezzz. You want to be razzle-dazzled with the lingo. You want someone hip, cool, in the knowâŠbecause, well, youâre hip, cool & in the know, yâknow? Itâs only fitting that your partner be the same. You, of all placements, may truly crave âyour other halfâ. And I know, I know, we live in a world now, where people are saying âyou are a whole person and youâre looking for another whole person yadayadayadaâŠâ, but youâre a TWIN. You want to be able to connect with someone as if you share the same brain, the same thoughts, the sameâŠeverything. This isnât to say that youâre not sexualâŠyou just enjoy mental jousting for foreplay. Think of how beautiful the dance between two evenly matched fencing partners isâ the ebb and flow of tension â playing both parts of the aggressor and the defenderâ gliding almost effortlessly with a weapon in hand. Itâs like the tangoâŠbut with swords. Thatâs how you envision your love. Beautiful art, yet dangerous. You may not be the most sensual lover at first, but in time you will certainly warm up. Why? Because at the very least, you are a curious partner! You. Want. To. Explore. You may be the type of lover to want to try almost anything once. You want to be surprised. You donât want your bedroom to be boring. You resent repetitiveness and you welcome new experiences. You may even fall into the âswitch my wig, make âem feel like he cheatingâ category. You like to switch up your look, your styleâŠsexual positions (lol). This can even translate into role play! (Especially teacher/student).
I cannot express to you enough how much learning from your partner turns you on. You love asking questions & consider getting to know someone a conquest. The more difficult the puzzle, the more you yearn to solve it and this type of stimulation oozes over into your sexual pleasure. Youâre curious to know what your loverâs love. You can have an objective perception of sex, because you arenât the most naturally emotional person, so you can look at the love making process as getting to know every nook and cranny of a partnerâs bodyâ learning what makes them tick & âickâ. You become more emotionally open with a partner, the more confident that you are that you know them. You like learning, but you donât like unpleasant surprises. This may be counter intuitive, but I find that after you go through your âlemme try any & everything eraâ, you will genuinely enjoy one partner. It will make you feel secure and like you have that missing piece in life. You donât come across as the most committal type, but when you do commit, you commit fr fr, you just need a certain level of freedom in life to continue to expand your horizons far past the mundane in life.
Another element you may add to your sexual reservoir isâŠâŠdrugs. âDONâT DO DRUGS, KIDS & STAY IN SCHOOLâ...alright, there is my disclaimer. Now back to what I was saying, you may be curious to try mind-expanding drugs & smex. Because you can be so cerebral, drugs like ecstacy can help you actually feel your body. The tingle will start from your subconscious mind, and venture into your conscious body, possibly making love-making a more pleasurable experience. If this doesnât interest you, donât worry, no pressure! Just making a note that this placement is more likely to think outside of the box when it comes to making their sex lives thrilling and exciting! Not saying that vanilla sex is boringâŠjust saying in general. You do you!
Overall, this is a curious placement. Itâs a fun placement, but it can be an extremely flighty placement in the beginning. Donât let your fear of getting stuck, stop you from finding a true partner that you can really see the world with. You can find that âother halfâ, that âtwin soulâ that really knows how to light a fire in you and warm your cold cold cold gemini heart. In your moments of passion, you will prefer to keep things fun and light. Only when someone truly captures your mind, can they capture your body and soul! SEXYYYYYY!!!!
Mars in Taurus or Mars in the 2nd House
âPeople stop to ask me, how do you please your man? Take it from the black sheep baby, any way I can. Sometimes itâs with fire and sometimes, with iceâŠJust donât get it twisted, his bodyâs gunna pay the price.â
- Rock My Boyâs Body by Joseph Stephens
If you have Mars in Taurus or Mars in the 2nd House your sexual language is about sensuality, sexuality, & seduction. You believe in making love an all encompassing experience and you will stop at nothing to make sure your partners have an all exclusive pass to your BO-DAY. IF it is earned. Because Taurus is naturally slow moving energy, you may be slow to open up. As Iâve studied astrology for years nowâŠIâve come to realize that Taurus energy is just as private and cautious and itâs opposite sign, Scorpio. If you have this placement, you feel the need to study your lovers and you wait and wait and wait and wait and wait before you make your move. But if you are able to wrap them in your warm embraceâŠyou wonât want to let go and they wonât want you to either.
Like Leo, when it comes to your sexual language, you believe in putting on a show. But your show is subtle, quaint and slow burning. You will have the candles burning, the scented lotion and fresh out the shower smell, you will have the most luxurious sheets on the most comfortable mattress. You donât believe in cutting corners when it comes to your comfort and whoever is lucky enough to wind up in your bed, simply gets to enjoy how you live your life. I could bet you have an impeccable taste in music and truly know how to set the tone when it comes to seduction. As stated before, you are able to create a world of pure pleasure for those you love and make them spell-bound to you, because chances are, they havenât been able to match with a sexual partner who cares so much about the details of ALL 6 senses. (Iâm including intuition because, yâknow, Iâm a tarot and an astrology girlie.) For example, I dated this guy with heavy taurus placements a few years ago. I very much remember and very much miss this awesome TV room that he made for himself. Instead of having a regular degular couch, he had a couch that was also a bed. It wasnât a couch that converted into a bedâŠ.it was just a couch that had a bed in itâŠand massive 70 inch television mounted on the wall. When I TELL you, I wanted to marry that man becauseâŠ.UGH!!! I was so comfortable! I could melt into the floor when I was with him. And I have YET to be with anyone who has a room set up quite like that. The feeling has stayed with me long after we have been together. THAT is what I mean by the power of Mars in Taurus. It lingers when youâre done!
On the other side, you of all signs, can be extremely jealous and possessive over your sexual partners. You DO NOT LIKE TO SHARE. AT. ALL. The 2nd House is all about owning and possessions and you may take this mindset with you into your romantic relationships. To the right person and in a healthy way, this can be enduring and make your partner feel safe and secure in your presence. In turn, you also want to know that your partner is crazy about you and cares deeply about your well-being. Again, in a healthy dynamic, a little jealousy and possessivness isnât bad. It can show that someone does have an interest in you and takes pride in the fact that they are able to claim you as their own. This is just something to be mindful of in this placement, because if underdeveloped, it can lead to issues of selfishness & strong resistance to allow your partnerâs freedom. Of course this can bleed over into the bedroom as well. You donât want to get so focused on your own comfort that you end up putting your partner into a routine that they no longer enjoy. Your favorite position may not be their favorite positive. It can feel like eating lobster every single day. Like, yeah, Lobster is great day 1, maybe even day 2, but by day 5âŠ.yuck. Depending on other placements in your chart, you may attract partners who are very much like you, in the sense they prefer routine, OR you may attract partners who are so wild and out of the box, it forces you out of your comfort zone. All I can do is say embrace whatever floats your boat.
There is no doubt that you are one of the most sexual, sensual and passionate lovers of the zodiac. Your innate knowledge of pleasure makes you an expert in the bedroom and you can be hard to beat. Although it may take you a while to warm up, either physically or emotionally, you eventually show your partners that it is absolutely worth the wait! Because you tend to be safe and secure in yourself (the 2nd house rules self esteem) you share that safety and extend your protection to those you love the most. Your sexual language is unforgettable. You know how to love someone head to toe! WOOOOO!!!
Mars in Aries or Mars in the 1st House
âDollhouse, dressed up, perfect messed up, Torture me to sleep, paint the air I breathe. Fishbowl, chokehold, dirty water, Iâm cold. Dirty as can be, have your way with me.â Dollhouse (with Lily Rose Depp) by The Weeknd
If you have Mars in Aries or Mars in the 1st House, your sexual language is intense & powerful. You have a way of pulling people into your orbit just by being your unapologetic self! The force is with you! Best believe! And people feel it. You get what you want and you want what you get and you have a way of luring in your prospective sexual partner by projecting your lust onto themâ so much so they feel it when they walk by you. Much like your sister, the Mars ruled Scorpio, there is a carnal desire that surrounds you. Itâs magnetic. Itâs magnificent. And itâs very fleeting.
When it comes to your bedroom pleasures, you can be a pioneer of the âWham! Bam! Thank you maâam orâŠsirâ (not as cute of a rhyme) mindset. You may have a habit of treating your lovers like conquestâ wanting to overpower them and wrap them up in your passionate fantasies. You deeply enjoy power play in your sex life. Yes, you could easily be the dominant one in your relationships, BUT you could also seek refuge in being submissive to your partner. How? I know it seems contradictory. But chances are, with this placement (unless itâs in a water sign in your first house) you are more than likely the boss and the leader in your everyday lifeâŠso when it comes to sex, you may want to just ârelaxâ and let your partner do all the hard work for once. If thatâs the case, you may be a bit of a brat in the bedroom because you still like to challenge your partner for shizz & giggles, but you are certainly fun and definitely unforgettable.
Your sex language is raw and real. You donât like to hold back your passion and you appreciate a partner who can match your enthusiasm in the bedroom. You love the runner chaser dynamic, and again, you can easily play both parts. You are strong and competitive and donât like to lose the interest of your lovers, even though you can get bored pretty easily. You may prefer quickies over long drawn up love sessions, but that doesnât mean you donât like to indulge your sinuses from time to timeâ youâre just not one of the most lovey dovey of the zodiac and prefer loud, wild, hot, steamy sex opposed to soft caresses and whispers of sweet nothings. You may also be a person who uses sexy time to advance a certain agenda. You could use sex as a tool of manipulation to get what you want. That may seem extreme, but think about a stripper using her sensuality as a means to make money so she can pay her way through law school. THATâS what I mean. Because you may not be so shy about your sex appeal, if used correctly, it can be your weapon of choice when it comes to getting what you want from someone.
Passion matters to you more than most. You would prefer a risky lover than a predictable one. You also may be a fan of the oleâ break up to make-up trope. Make-up sex is always better. And you donât mind starting a fight in the streets, simply to uhâŠyou knowâŠend itâŠ.in the sheetsâŠ..if you catch my drift. You arenât one for subtleties. You are probably one of the most straightforward and upfront people in the world and you may play shy, but once you allow a person to get to know you, you donât hold anything back. Because you are a cardinal energy, you always have a childlike flair to you! You keep things interesting and youthful. Youâre not afraid to cross boundaries and push the limits of yourself & your partner in the midst of a sexual act. You really may think that sex is something that can be âwonâ. You want to be the best. You want to be the one that lovers canât get enough of. You donât appreciate being compared to others and honestly hear partners talking about their past as if it was some sort of challenge. You definitely have a jealous and possessive streak, but like I always say, when this is a healed energy it can be enduring to the right partner. As long as itâs not obsessive and unhealthy, you can provide comfort to your lovers that you are there for them and only them. You expect loyalty in return, of course, but you donât mind protecting and defending what you see as your own. Your love is real. Your love is honest. Your love is young and wild and free!
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(yandere! demon harem x gn! human reader) (reader is human)
"i think it's working! i see their shape-"
"cursed satan! our blood sweat and tears are finally paying off? we'll finally see a real human?"
"kya kya kya! I'm so excited!"
your ears ring loudly, your hands clutching the sides of your head as you let out a soft whimper. what the hell just happened?! one moment you were in your room lazing around, the next a magic ring formed below you and now you're... in hell?
is this hell? did you die?
you weren't quite sure if it was. it certainly looked dark and eerie with the current setting you wer ein Right now having skulls everywhere. but seeing the horribly demonic creatures in front of you talk in minecraft enchantment table confirmed everything you suspected.
that you were dead. probably.
"u-um... am i dead-"
"huzzah! the human has been summoned! they're so tiny!"
"oh my satan below! look at them..! they look just like an angel..."
"kya! i want to eat them! look at their confused face!"
you stare at the three demons who were surrounding you, blinking slowly before you let out a shaky sigh. were they talking about how many sins you've committed? the amount of times you jerked off to fictional characters? is that what the book in their hands were? a list of all your wrong doings?
you immediately submerged yourself in a depressive state, frowning as you begin to silently regret all your life choices up until now. damn it, you should've jerked off one last time before you died-
meanwhile, the demons were discussing what dinner they should give you.
"kya! do you think that the human will enjoy goat broth with human meat?"
"no no! allow them to eat elven tarts first! those are nice!"
"you fools, we should ask them first."
one of the demons mumble, arms crossed across his toned chest before the other two demons nod excitedly, turning towards you. their grimoire was immediately throw away, hitting a poor skull off the shelf.
oof.
anyway!
"ahem... human, allow us to introduce ourselves... we are-"
"kya! demons!"
"yes! and we're so excited to have you here!"
"worry not, you aren't dead. we just summoned you because we wanted to have a human for our experiment."
the three of them suddenly talk in english, eagerly looking down at you with wide grins. you wouldn't have been so thrown off if not for the fact that their teeth were so sharp and they looked like they were about to chop you up for their so called 'experiment'.
you gulp nervously, opening your mouth to ask them what type of experiment. but it looks like they read your mind or something.
"kya! it's a love experiment! don't worry!"
"yes! don't you worry too much cute human! we will never ever hurt you! maybe love you too much though..."
"mn, that's right. we are just conducting an experiment..."
the calmer of the three pauses mid sentence, approaching you as he suddenly bends down to your height, his demonic appearance closing in on your face. your heart races, feeling his hot breath on your skin before you feel your mind go blank at his words.
"where we see how long it takes for a human to fall for three demons. specifically three that are obsessed with said human already."
...
huh?
just... what the hell was going on?!
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ïœĄâË hot springs ïœĄâËïœĄâ. HH (ft LK)
part II (under the stars one shot series)
pairing: hyunjin x fem!reader
synopsis: after last night, hyunjin decides to surprise with a hot spring! some one on one time with your completely "platonic" not-at-all-horn-dog-friend would be a great way to relax
MNDI 18+: boob play, outdoor sex, unprotected p in v, kissing, groping, cream pie, fem!reader
part i
the morning haze was bad. at first, you thought it surely must've been a dream until you could still feel the remnants of the night before stick to your underwear as you began to shift in your spot. both minho and hyunjin must've already gotten up for the day seeing as you were the only one still in the bed. you reach for your phone on the night stand only to find that it's only 8am. where could they have gone so early? your question was answered when hyunjin walked into the tent with a bowl of fruit and hot tea in hand. while he wasn't a morning person seeing him up this early and much less the smiley, was an unexpected sight.
"morning, sleeping beauty."
"morning, wasn't that your nickname?"
"i think it's much more fitting for you." he hands the bowl of fruit and hot tea to you "here, it's all we have for breakfast right now. apparently we're missing an entire cooler of food so minho and chan left to grab more before we all start to eat each other for survival."
you laugh both at thought and possible reality of it. it's still quite cold out but nearly as bad as last night.
"sleep well?" the question has you choking on the tea, both from the sip and inhalation of air. hyunjin only laughs before hand you a napkin to pat yourself dry.
"i slept just fine, you two are like heaters anyways so staying warm through the night was no problem..." you trail off not wanting to make things awkward at the mention of last night.
"oh, is that all we are now? body's to keep you warm? glad you slept well considering you knocked out like a light after you came all over my hand."
"hyunjin!" you swat a pillow at him, covering your face to hide the rising blush in your face. he laughs at your reaction before pulling your hands into his.
"relax, it's friends helping friends right? i have a surprise for you so get changed." he looks at you with sweet eyes, as much as he loved teasing, he really did care for you deep down. it was just his flirty way to make you as flustered as he could, it did wonders for his ego when it was you. "bring something you can get wet in."
you move to swat at him again.
"I didn't mean it that way ! stop being so horny for a sec, i just meant a swimsuit if you brought one," he says once more while bringing his arms up in defense.
-
it would only be the two of you as the other four opted in to stay watching the camp site for when the chan & minho returned from the store. it was about a 30 minute or so hike along the mountain, add another 15 minutes as hyunjin deemed it necessary to bring his disposable camera, capturing every sight that he wanted to have forever including a few candids of you. the hike was worth the reward once you stopped upon the surprise, a hot spring.
the trees hung low covering the hidden hot spring. it was almost like a cavern carved on the side of the mountain, another steam of water flowing by. the orange and green leaves covered the ground where you stood, moss covering the walls against the rocks that walled in the hot spring. it was truly something straight out of a fantasy book.
"how did you even find this ?!" you asked as you both began settling your things down.
"i do my research. you think i'd agree to camping without finding something mildly relaxing to do?"
"touché." you pulled your clothes in to a neat pile, sweater stacked on top of sweats and thick fluffy socks to put on top. fortunately, you did bring a swimsuit. it was a basic one piece with a v cut and spaghetti straps. it made your boobs look great and complimented your figure. you turn around just in time to see hyunjin pulling his shirt over his head already in swim trucks, it was sickening how hot he looked pulling that shirt off. he smirks at you with a raised eye brow causing you to turn away cleaning your throat.
what was there to be so shy about? you had already jerked him off now and he had returned the favor when he finger banged you. stepping into the hot spring, the water felt amazing in comparison to the cold you had just been standing in seconds before. plunging in to water neck deep you groan out a sigh, never been more thankful to have hot water.
hyunjin stepped in watching all the little movements, the way you threw your head back with eyes closed giving him the perfect view of your chest coming out from the water just enough to see the way your tits we're firmly pressed against the wet suit now. infatuated with the sight, taking mental notes of the way your breast curved across the tops, your nipples ever so slightly poking through the material. the water droplets forming across your skins as his mind danced with the idea of licking it up. wanting to pull down your top enough to relive moments of last night, feeling your tits in his hands and being able to see them in all their glory this time around.
you look at him once more, enjoying being admired under his gaze. you float, drifting around the small body of water taking in the sounds & sights of nature. eventually settling against a ledge of rocks in the water as a makeshift seat, hyunjin settling beside you breathing in the sight of both the hot spring and you. his shoulders brushes against you pulling you out of your daze to find he's already looking down at you.
"want to talk about last night? i certainly do." your eyes almost bulge out when he brings it up.
"what do you want to talk about?..." you look forward fixating on the stream of water flowing ahead.
"did you enjoy it?"
your silent, wanting to very loudly scream out how much you enjoyed it all.
"i did... did you?"
it's his turn to be quite for a moment.
"i did... i wouldn't have minded if it turned into something a little more heated... would you?"
your head whips to meet his eyes, he's staring back into your eyes, eyes darting back and forth your eyes. he searches your face for any discomfort, a sign that would make him stop instead his eyes look down at your lips to find you ever so discreetly licking your bottom lip.
"i wouldn't have minded... i wouldn't mind even now."
his hair is wet, a strand falling forward dripping ever so slightly. his cheeks are tinged with the slightest pink which could either be from this conversation or the heat of this pool. it was the former. you think about leaning forward to kiss him, his lips plumps and pouty. you remember the way they felt against your own, wondering if you'd ever get another chance to feel them the same way you had done so the night before.
that question is answered shortly when hyunjin brings his hand to back of your head to pull you in for heated kiss. just as you remembered, his lips are plush and soft against yours, a complete contrast to way he kisses. your both sliding off the ledge seat, on arm wrapping firmly around your waist as you bring your legs to wrap around his waist. you slide your own hands to his shoulders, raking nails against the skin up into his causing him to groan against the kiss. his hands slide to you waist giving your waist a squeeze before their sliding down your back once more to your ass. he takes another squeeze as he bites down on your lip as you gasp at his sudden braveness. you pull his hair a bit as he finally pulls back from the kiss, his eyes are twinkling with lust when he begins kissing down your jawline to your neck. he grinds into you as he starts kissing and sucking a hickey into spot between your neck and collarbone. he pushes you two up against a wall of the hot spring, hands wandering their way to your chest to grab your tits in his hands. overwhelmed by the feeling of his lips sucking a hickey into your neck, you feel even hotter then before.
you're on cloud 9, hands tugging at his hair as he paws at your chest, feeling the his hard cock pressing snugly against where you need him most. he pushes the straps of your swim suit down and begins kissing down your chest to your tits, massaging one his hand as he firmly grasps the other pinching the nipple gently. he leaves another hickey at the top of your tit. after a few pinches, moans spilling from you, his lips and tongues attach to your nipple. throwing your head back moaning out his name as the nipple hardens in his mouth, he returns the treatment to the other breast. he loves feeling the way you squirm under his touch and the way your nails rake and pull at his hair. hyunjin swiftly pulls you out the hot spring, laying out his towel on the ground like a gentleman to take you right here on the floor of the woods next to this hot spring. he pulls you down to lay on the towel, any thought of someone walking up on you has been suppressed by the neediness that swarms your brain.
"let's find out how this pretty pussy feels wrapped around my cock, baby."
your pulling off the wet bathing suit and he stands to rid himself of the swim trucks. it's easy to see now in daylight how big he is. he sinks back down to his knees tossing your swim suits away, hands running up and down your body while he mutters sweet words of praise against your lips. he would worship at your feet if you gave him the chance. he rubs at your clit to prep you for him, sliding his fingers in between your folds. he kisses you as he slides his middle finger inside, thrusting them in and out. your already wet from his earlier foreplay to your breasts, he was just being thorough now wanting to slide in you with as much ease. he pulls back to watch the way you face contort as he curls his fingers against your sweet spot and digging the heel of his hand perfect against your clit. your hands gripping his shoulders and biceps as he starts to build your orgasm. he pulls out after a few moments, his goal was to make you cum on his cock this time. you watch as he gives himself a few strokes, playing with your lips to align himself against you.
"let me know if you want to stop, i need to hear you say you want this." he looks at you for reassurance as nudges the tip of his cock against you entrance.
"hyunjin, i want this. i need you, please." he grabs your hand, interlocking your fingers as he slides in. you gasp at the feeling, the stretch of his tip already feeling snug against.
he holds your hand as he slowly slides himself all the way in to the hilt, you let out a shakey whine. he's so big, stretching you in a way you haven't felt before. it doesn't help that all you want is to feel him repeatedly slam into you until you can't walk. he kisses your forehead still inside you as you adjust to his size, he slowly pulls out halfway before thrusting back in.
"please, hyun." you cry out while looking up with pleading eyes.
it's all the encouragement he needs to pick up his pace. he brings a hand to your knee to lift it giving him a better angle to go in deeper. the sounds of running water masked your moans and the slapping of skin. he hovers his face above yours, lips just ghosting of yours, your nails leaving long scratches down his back. he's focused on the way your moans get higher in pitch when he lifts your leg, he lifts both legs into a matting pressing giving him the perfect angle to hear you yelp out his name. he's pulled back down to earth when he feels you grabbing his face to kiss him as he picks up speed once more. he's close to cumming but doesn't want to cut things too early with the way it all feels, the wet squelching noises, the way your walls clench and suck him in deeper every thrust.
most importantly, he wants the image of you fucked out on his cock engrained in his mind. he can't seem to focus of anything but the way you kiss him, tongues brushing against each other, the way you seem to suck all the oxygen out of him.
you're head spinning with being consumed by every part of hyunjin clouds your thoughts. the fact that you're out in the middle of the woods fucking next to a hot spring that anyone could walk up on at any moment, seems like a very distant concern. you reach between your body's to rub your clit only to be stopped by hyunjin pulling your hand above your head, his other reaches down. his thumb circling your clit, leaving you completely under his command.
"cum for me baby, cum all over this cock. i'm all yours, use me."
his soft touches to your clit in contrast to his thrust have your orgasm washing over you just moments later. your grip on his bicep, holding for dear life as you shake coming down from your high. he pulls out of you still hard, he flips you onto your stomach. you only have a moment before he's lifting your hips again, sliding his cock between your folds as your grip him tight. hyunjin drapes his entire body around, his finding its way in between your shoulder and neck. he's grunting right into your ear, panting with every thrust. the new position has another orgasm building up much stronger and quicker then the last. the combined weight of hyunjin on top of you like this and the way his body engulfs you has you clenching down on him once more. his thrusts becoming slower, he lets a whimper slip out with your name. you feel the hot spurts of cum shooting inside you, it's enough to push your own orgasm to the brink. you milk his cock for the last drops of cum, clenching as you feel it drip out of you with him still inside. he's out of breath, kissing your cheeks, jaw and shoulder blade as he slowly pulls out of you.
his jaw drops as he watches his cum drip down your pussy, wanting to push the remnants back inside you. instead, he chooses to land a smack to your ass that has you turning around in disbelief as he laughs at your reaction.
"can you stand?"
you scoff at the question, shifting to your knees to stand only to met with bambi legs. he quickly stands up to catch you, holding you against him as you both stand nude in the forrest. he walks you back into the hot spring.
"let's wait till your muscles relax again before we try to walk back."
"you're such a gentleman. taking me to the forrest to fuck me until i can't walk so we have no choice but to bathe together in a hot spring. and they say romance is dead."
he rolls his eyes holding you by the waist, your chest pressed against.
"watch your mouth before i decide round 2 is in the hot spring and you still won't be able to walk."
-
after another hour in the hot spring that led to hyunjin playing with your clit for a third orgasm, he triumphantly got you born dressed for a brisk walk back to the campsite.
as you both came into sight of the tents. you saw the van back in its spot meaning chan and minho were back already. as you approached, everyone seemed to be huddled around the bonfire pit again drinking. chan was the first to ask where you two had been.
"a hot spring-"
"YA WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?!" changbin yells standing up from his seat.
"i wasn't about to take you ALL. it was too small for everyone." hyunjin says as seungmin and jeongin are about to start arguing about wanting to have gone.
"so it was just big enough for two? hm? or did you just want y/n all to yourself?" han teases laughing. they all seem to laugh except hyun, you, and minho. the blush rising once again doesn't help.
hyunjin is about to throw the wet towel until your pulling it back down afraid of exposing han to any of the bodily fluids that haven't seeped into the towel yet.
minho can see the dark hickey forming on your neck. it's not one you had earlier from the night before. you sit down by felix to warm up with the fire as hyunjin heads to the off to change clothes. minho follows suit to the tent, his suspicions are confirmed once he sees the long nail marks adorning hyunjin's back when he pulls his shirt off.
hyunjin is pulling a new shirt on along with a hoodie, he turns to see minho glaring. he only offers him a smug smirk and a pat on the shoulder leaning to whisper in his ear.
"she enjoyed last night a lot more then you think. i don't think she'd mind if you offered her another taste."
-----
a/n: part 3 on sunday/monday !
minho will get his chance... part 4? with a hyunho threesome?
tags:
@tsunderelino @elizalabs3 @meilix @stelle-aka-simp @lunearta @jisuperboard @glitter-z @heeyboooo @yaorzu-blog @captainchrisstan @hyunjinhoexxx @guiltycoco @skzhyunnie @listeningtomusiclol
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You asked for some smut suggestions for Logan, and I got one:
So likeâŠI meanâŠLogan might be on the short side, but heâs still big! I mean, like,,,those hands đ«Ł It would be nice to see a fic to do with Logan and a little manhandling. but not like in a BDSM way, more like a âI am very strong, and hereâs a little reminderâ type way. Might seem kinda silly but Iâd enjoy a fic like that lol.
NSFW!Wolverine/AFAB!Reader
Ask and you shall receive!! I've spent like the last four days working on this and atp I can't looks at it anymore lol. I'm not super happy with how the beginning is written, but I still think it's alright enough to post lol. It's a lot more tell than show compared to most of my other fics, and I was halfway tempted to reformat it into headcannons, but I didn't feel like it. Anyway, hope you like the way I included the manhandling lol! Hope it turned out okay :)
Also, might or might not be tall logan. I'll leave it up to yall to assume, I'm just short af so there's not a single person in marvel who wouldn't have to look down at me lmao.
Edit:FUCK I FORGOT THE READ MORE!
TWs: MDNI!!!!!! Seriously, you will be blocked. Masterbation, lil bit of a scent kink. Sexual frustration. Manhandling. Jealous Logan. Creampie. Logan calls you "sunshine" and pretty and shit. I'll add more if I can think of any.
    You had a problem. Youâve had a problem. And it really didnât seem like it was getting any better. It didnât help the fact that it was incredibly embarrassing, either.
    You couldnât get off. Itâs not like you ever struggled with it before, but lately, it felt like you were fighting a losing battle. At first, you didnât realize why. Maybe it was because you moved into the X-Mansion. Nerves because youâre living somewhere new, right? So you change it up a little. You got comfortable, had a glass of wine or two, and picked up a raunchy book. Yet every time you slipped your hand between your thighs⊠Running circles around your own clit, trying your best to finger yourself to your finish, you just could never quite hit that peak. It was safe to say you were beyond frustrated.
    Lucky for you, most people didnât notice. You try your best not to be too uptight or mean, but there are just some things that you canât quite hide from certain people.
    Loganâs noticed that something is up with you. You can tell he has, seeing the looks on his face, nose scrunched up in a way heâs catching into something that he just can't quite place. Youâre assuming itâs your own pheromones, but hey, as long as he doesnât realize what it is youâll be fine, right?
     Maybe not.
    Eventually, you finally realized why you were having so much trouble getting off. All it took was one training session with Wolverine, and you knew immediately. You werenât sparring or anything like that, hell, you knew before you even hit the danger room floor. Logan was in a bit of a mood today, although not as grumpy as he can be- and heâs trying to be patient with you. You can tell. But youâre having trouble focusing today- and you have been for a while. He can tell youâre not at 100% just by the way you hold yourself, and spends about 5 minutes watching as you struggle to reset the Danger room panel before heâs finally fed up with it.
    âJesus fuck. Here, let me do it.â Logan grabs you by the waist, pulling you to his chest with one arm as the other reaches around you to reset the panel. Itâs not like you didnât find him attractive before, but the close contact? The smell of his aftershave and the sound of his voice growling in your ear?Â
    oh.
    Oh.Â
    You were having trouble getting off because you had a thing for Logan.
    Youâre practically stunned when he pulls away, standing there with a flushed face and something rather embarrassing pooling in your underwear for the first time in a while. You had to quickly excuse yourself before you ran the risk of him catching onto anything coming from you. Heâs a little confused for a second, but you can hear the sound of his low chuckle as you scramble away.
    First thing you do? Go to the store.
    It's not a random errand. At least, not entirely. You had meant to go out with Storm to grocery shop later this afternoon, but you told her you could really use some time out of the house by yourself, which she completely understood. You had the list and everything, it was only a coincidence that you passed by the cologne section on your way to pick up some toothpaste. The sight made you stop for a minute, the gears grinding in your skull. You spent just a few minutes curiously sampling the bottles until you found one that smelled a bit familiar⊠Should you? No, that's a bit strange. But really, what was the harm, right? I mean, who would know?Â
    So you bought it. You felt a bit embarrassed afterward, knowing what you bought it for, and ended up letting it sit in the drawer of your side table for a good while. Until another desperate attempt at fucking your own brains out, that is.Â
    You were sweaty and uncomfortable in your bed, sleep shirt sticking to your skin as you struggled to pump your fingers in and out of your tight cunt. Itâs been a while, and it shows. You couldnât even get your favorite dildo to fit inside of you, only adding to your frustration. Touching your clit hardly helped much, leaving you as unsatisfied as ever. Eventually, you give up, lying there as you sigh to yourself. You turn over in your bed in a huff, halfway temped scream your lungs out into the pillow you bury your face in. Instead, you let out something that sounds more like a whisper than a yell, letting the air in your lungs deflate as you let your feelings out. You roll over onto your side when youâre done, halfway tempted to be done with it entirely and go back to bed when you catch sight of the nightstand drawer, slightly ajar. The amber bottle of liquid stares right at you.Â
    You open the drawer some more, picking up the bottle and looking at it as you wonder if youâre actually going to do this. But youâre ridiculously horny, and tired, and you know youâre gonna have trouble falling asleep in the state youâre in- so you end up spraying the smallest amount on your pillow.
    ItâsâŠnice. The pillow is warm from where you had been laying on it, and despite how strong menâs cologne could be, this one isnât quite so striking. At least, not in the amount that you used. You relax back into your bed, pressing your face into the pillow and laying there for a moment. You start thinking about Logan⊠His calloused hands running across your skin. How his lips and tongue would feel against your own, trailing down your body to your breast. Your hand trails down to your clit as you imagine it as his own. You imagine him behind you, pressing you to the bed as he growls into your ear. You think about what his happy trail would feel like against you. What his cock would look like, feel like, pressing into you. Your legs twitch and shake as you see stars underneath your eyelids, the scent of Logan hitting all the right parts in your head and going straight to your cunt.
    Holy shit.Â
    Your orgasm lasts what feels like forever. Your legs are still shaking as you whimper from oversensitivity and pull your hand away, panting as you try to catch your breath. You havenât cum that hard since⊠ever. Maybe the cologne was worth it, after all.
    You felt really good the morning after. You found yourself humming in the shower, more energized at breakfast and morning drills. No one had said anything, but you knew there were a few who were relieved to see you back to your usual self. If anything, the only person you noticed acting very differently around you was Logan. He was more tense than normal. He scowled a lot, spending less time in your presence. Youâd strike up a conversation that would only last a few minutes before he would make an excuse and leave. It made you a little disappointed. But you knew him and knew he had good and bad days, so you brushed it off at first. But a week, two weeks- almost a month went by, and still no change. You felt scorned almost, silently rejected by the guy you had finally realized you were practically in love with, and to be honest, the only man who could get you off just by thinking about him- and boy, did you get off while thinking about him.Â
    Youâve almost resigned yourself to the fact that Logan wasnât interested when he corners you one morning. Heâs leaning up against the wall of the hallway, waiting for you when you step out of your room. It makes you jump a little, closing your door quickly behind you, knowing damn well you hadnât washed your sheets after fucking yourself to the moon and back last night and fully not wanting the smell to hit his nose. All Logan does is narrow his eyes. Shit.
    âWho is he.â He asks you. The question completely derails your train of thought. And you furrow your brow, confused. What was that about?
    âWho is he? Your guy?â He asks again, but it does little to clear up your confusion. Youâre halfway wondering if heâs being serious at this point, stepping away from your door as you cross your arms.
    âWhat?â You ask. Logan huffs when you respond to him, cocking his head at you in a way that's more sarcastic than curious. The way heâs looking at you is doing some things that you donât think youâd like to admit, eyes narrow and scrutinizing as you struggle to keep eye contact with him.
    âWhat do you mean? What guy?â You repeat back to him, starting to get a little frustrated. He snorts, rolling his eyes as his scowl lingers. He steps closer, looking down at you from less than a foot away with that angry stare.
    âDonât play stupid with me, sunshine. I can smell him on you.â You ignore the way the nickname makes you shiver a little bit, too busy shrinking into yourself when you process the extent of his words. Smell. He could smell someone on you. Something. Oh god, this was embarrassing.Â
    âOh! That- Itâs not what you're thinking!â You say, face flushed red. Youâre flustered beyond belief, doing your best to convince him to leave it be, and itâs not going so well for you.
    âSure itâs not.â Logan huffs. He starts to take steps forward, closing in on your personal space.
    âItâs not. I can promise you that.â Youâre anxiously fiddling with your fingers now, taking a step back for every step he takes. He looked predatory, unlike any time youâve seen him before. You havenât even seen him like this in the danger room, even less so on the battlefield.Â
    âJust tell me who he is.â Logan is adamant about it, his scowl beginning to turn into a frown. Your back hits your door, kickstarting your heart in surprise. You hadnât realized he had backed you up so far.
    âI canât!â You say, in the beginning stages of becoming absolutely exasperated, and already incredibly embarrassed.Â
    âWhy not!?â Logan Snaps, stopping just inches away from you. You cover your heated face, pressing your palms into your eyes until you see shapes, wanting nothing more than to curl up and die right then and there.
    âWould you just leave it!â You shout, but Loganâs having none of it.Â
    âNo, I won't!â Logan grabs your wrists and moves them away from your face, holding them in front of your chest with a grip lighter than you might have thought. You groan in utter frustration and mortification, looking him dead in the eyes as your angry mouth starts speaking before your reasonable brain can fully catch up.
    âJesus Christ Logan! Do you expect me to just whip out the silicone and show you?!â Your eyes widen as soon as you say it, slamming your mouth shut as you finally catch up with yourself. Logan is staring at you in absolute shock, jaw almost slack at the confession.Â
    â...What?â He asks, slowly. You wince, looking off to the side before deciding it's a bit too late to get the cat back into the bag.
    âIts⊠Cologne. What youâre smelling. I use it to uh, help meâŠâ You make a sort of gesture with your head, praying that you wonât actually have to spell it out for him. Heâs still in shock as he looks at you, hands frozen with his fingers wrapped around your wrists. He clears his throat when he comes to, an unreadable expression on his face as he slowly steps forward again, close enough to press his forehead against your own as he presses you against your door.
    âYouâre that pent up, you need cologne to help you get off?â He asks, and you donât know what to say, cat catching your tongue as he leans forward. The side of his face brushes against your cheek as he leans down a little, the action making your skin prickle. One of his hands releases a wrist to slide up and across the back of your neck, tilting your head to the side as he takes a big sniff of your skin. Heâs practically nuzzling you, angling his head so that he can smell the scent on the back of your head where you rest against your pillow at night.Â
    Heâd noticed it before, at night when most of his anger had worn off, sometime after he started to pick up the scent on you. The undertones, the top notes. But now with you this close, he can tell that it wasnât another man he was smelling. No. It was just you. Your scent being drowned out by the smell of something that he could finally tell smelled rather suspiciously like his very own aftershave.
    â...Donât tell me that you wanted it to smell like me.â He asks after a moment. You almost flinch at the sound of his deep rumble, turning your red face away from him. You swallow, feeling like you are absolutely burning up as you nod- right as Logan catches the unmistakable scent of arousal.
    âFuckâ
    Youâre sure the sound was more animal than man as he cups your cheek rather aggressively, pressing his lips against your own in a rather desperate kiss. It takes you a second to return it, eyes wide as you process just what was happening. It didn't take long for you to melt into his desperate kisses though, every nip and brush of his teeth just like you imagined it would be. He presses his knee in between your thighs, finally releasing your other wrist to grab ahold of your hip instead. You accidentally let out a whine when he grinds your hips against him, your heart beating so fast you were sure it was going to explode. He curses again at the sound, both hands sliding around you to lift you against the door.
    You practically squeak in surprise, the noise caught by Loganâs mouth on your own one more time before he trails down to your neck, nipping and sucking at your skin. You gasp as he presses against you, his hips beginning to grind against your own. Youâre having a hard time thinking, biting your lip as you do your best to stifle your sounds.
    âLogan-ah, can we⊠head inside, please?â He only grunts in response, shifting your weight as you both begin to fumble for the doorknob. He gets it before you do, hardly stumbling as the door behind you swings open. Heâs kissing you again before the door is even closed, kicking it behind him. As preoccupied as you are, you at least have the common sense to reach over and try to lock the door before he carries you over to the bed.Â
    He plops you down onto the mattress before he crawls over you, eyes half-lidded and just as lustful as your own. He pushes you down as you try to sit up. His breathing a little hard, pupils dilated to a size you had never seen.
    âNow I know why you closed the door so fast,â Logan smirks, having picked up the lingering scent of your sex on the sheets right away. You open your mouth to reply, but he cuts you off. His tongue snakes into your mouth, and you find that you canât really remember what you were going to say anyway. He kisses you again and again, distracting you as he reaches above your head. He pulls away when he has the pillow in hand, and you know just by the look on his face that he knows exactly what he is holding.
    âHate to break it to you, but this doesnât exactly compare to the real thing.â He snarks. It makes you laugh, and for the first time in a while, you see a genuine smile spread across his face.Â
    âYeah.â You respond, taking the pillow from his hands and tossing it to a far-off corner. âI know.â You could revel in his smile for as long as heâd let you. Loganâs kisses start off sweeter this time, at least for a moment they did. They begin to become more and more rough as hands start to wander and clothes start to come off. His shirt is first to go, your hands running up and down the hair that spans his torso. Logan is quick to remove your shirt and bra in one go, one very small step away from cutting off your clothes entirely. He gives himself a minute to appreciate your breasts, pinching and teasing you by sliding a hand up the middle of your sternum, the back of his hand brushing the side of a tit as he watches you squirm underneath him, arching your back to push your chest out, practically begging him to finally touch you.
    âPatience is a virtue, Sunshine.â Logan says, causing you to scoff. You glare at him a little and all it does is make him chuckle a bit.Â
    âDonât be mean.â You whine. He laughs a bit harder as he finally lowers himself to your chest. He keeps his eyes locked on your own as he brushes the blunt ends of his teeth across the soft skin, but heâs never been the most patient man. It doesn't take him long to give in to you, sucking on each breast individually, massaging the soft skin of the opposite as he does so.Â
    âCareful.â He growls when your own hands begin to wander, touching him over the fabric of his jeans. He releases your nipple with a pop, bearing his teeth as he presses his face back into your neck. You don't pay much mind to that, rather enjoying the grunts and sounds he makes as you slowly stroke his covered hardness from base to tip. You can't imagine how restrained he must be feeling. You canât help but smirk a little as your hands drift up and down, before oh So slowly unbuckling his belt. Logan is agitated, practically bucking his hips into your hands to get you to just get over with it.Â
    âPatience is a virtue.â You quote, only earning a restraining hold on your hands once again.
    âFuck that.â Logan growls. He holds you by your wrists, pushing them above your head as he uses his free hand to remove his belt and frantically unbuckle his pants. You'd be complaining if it weren't for the view of his straining cock, slapping against his abdomen as he pulls his pants down.Â
    You don't get to stare for too long before he flips you on your stomach like you weigh nothing. He lets your wrists go to pull down your shorts and underwear, a sticky string of your slick thinning as he pulls the items down.
    âFuck. You're this wet from just that?â Logan asks you, taking two fingers and sliding them through your lips from behind, spreading his fingers to let himself see the mess you've made of yourself already.
    â...shut up.â You mumble, more focused on the feeling of those very same fingers sliding back and forth across your cunt, the tips just barely brushing against your clit every time. Logan chuckles, sliding one hand under your lower stomach to lift your hips with ease. Your hips buck as he slides a thick finger inside of you without warning, slowly sinking down to his knuckle with ease.
    âMight not even need foreplay at this rate.â Logan rumbles behind you, eyes set squarely on the sight of your pretty pussy spread wide open for him. You can only moan in response as he pulls it back out again, plunging a second finger into you this time. Your hands clutch the sheets as Logan begins to finger fuck you to his content, curling those thick digits to hit that one spot juuust right. You try not to buck or squirm too bad, halfway wondering if this is all just some wet dream.Â
    âLogan-â You call out for him through your moans. He only hums in reply, preoccupied at the moment.
    âI- god- I need your cock, please.â You're not sure if it was the phrase or the begging, but it makes Logan groan. You feel embarrassingly empty as he pulls his fingers out. You hear the sound of him stroking his hard cock with your slick, groaning and humming to himself before he picks you up. He leans over you, adjusting to you your hands and knees as you finally feel that thick, thick cock grinding against you. You gasp at the way it feels, feeling Logan smirk against your back.
    âHaving second thoughts?â The tone of his voice is teasing, but you know there's more than that behind the words. You vehemently shake your head, grinding back against him a little as you protest. Logan swears under his breath, holding onto your hips to keep them still as he sits up.
    Both of you groan each time the head of his cock catches on your clit, Logan thrusting through your lips again and again as he lubes himself with the wetness you provide for him. You gasp when his head catches on your slot, notching just right.Â
    Logan pushes into you so slowly, and you feel like he's thicker than you ever imagined he would be. You're impatient, desperate. You push back onto him in an attempt to take him in more, but his hands on your hips stop you.
    âBelieve me sweetheart, you don't want that yet.â Logan tells you, straining himself with how tight you feel around him. He soothingly rubs his thumbs against your skin, pressing into you until you have him completely, balls deep inside you.Â
    âPlease, please. Logan, Please, I need you to move.â Your begging starts to sound like nonsense to your own ears, but it makes Logan gasp all the same, his cock twitching from where it's buried inside of you. You practically cry in relief when he finally begins to thrust Inside of you.
    His hip smack against your ass with every thrust, the sound of the slap mixed with the sounds of your love and the headboard hitting the wall a lewd and filthy symphony. Even better than your own moans were Logan's himself. Each and every groan and growl above you gave you a whole new array of things to imagine while fucking yourself- if you ever had to do so again.Â
    You whine and whimper with every strong thrust, Logan slow and forceful with every movement. It felt like he wanted your insides to memorize exactly how his cock feels inside of you, and you doubt you'd ever mind it. He filled you perfectly, hitting every sweet spot inside of you.
    Your arms are shaking. Struggling to hold yourself up with each and every rock of the bed. You barely start to buckle when He catches hold of you, an arm snacking under your chest and pulling you towards him. His hand spans your collarbone as he holds your back against his chest, holding you up as he continues to fuck you like no one before. You're closing in on that sweet release when his hips stutter a moment. His teeth dig into your shoulder with a sharp bite, holding you there close to him without breaking the skin.
    âAre⊠are you -ah- close?â You ask. Logan only responds with a short and simple - âFuck!â - before he pulls out of you.
    You don't have time to whine about the emptiness before he's flipping you around, kissing you again as he pushes your back to the bed rather aggressively. He's quick to sling your legs over his arms, folding you in half as he sides fully into you in a single thrust. He's hitting you so much deeper in this position, chest pressed against your own as his thrusts continue to stutter.Â
    Logan kisses you again, a bit differently than the last ones have been. These kisses are tender, sweet. A stark difference between his needy, frantic thrusts. There's a line of spit between you two as he pulls away, half-lidded eyes meeting your own. Youâre closing in on your peak, and you can tell he is too. The pleasure is too much for you to handle at once, and you can't help but squeeze your eyes shut.
    âLook at me.â Logan grabs a hold of your chin, your eyes flying open as he thumbs at your lip and holds your head still. âDon't look away.â His hips stutter some more, the both of you groaning as you clench around him, desperately trying to keep your eyes open as you finally cum around his cock. The fluttering of your walls are more than enough to send Logan over the edge, his cum warming your insides in thick spurts. Logan buries his face into your neck, groaning as you ride out both of your orgasms.
    The two of you lay there for a moment, trying to catch your breath. Logan lets go of your sore legs, massaging your thighs as he presses sweet, comforting kisses to your cheek and temple. His hands wander up and down your sides, doing his best to soothe your aches without you even having to ask. -not that he would ever admit to having a soft side. Who would believe you if you told them that The Wolverine was a cuddler after sex anyway?
    âWhy didn't you just tell me?â You ask after a long moment. Logan hums, his Face tucked into the crook of your neck.
    âTell you what?â
    âThat you were jealous.â Logan only snorts at that, playfully pinching your side.
    âJealous of what? Your cologne?â He returns. You slap him on the shoulder as he chuckles at you, unable to stop the playful smile on your face.
    âYou mean the cologne that you thought was a whole-ass guy?â Logan stops at that, instead choosing to cover your mouth with his palm as he tucks his head closer.
    âYou're a lot prettier when you're quiet. You know that?â
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sweet child o' mine | pt. iv
to @mrsmando - without whom this insane story would never have happened in the first place. i love you i love you i love you
thank you all so much for coming on this journey with me - it has been a blast. i hope you like where we turn out! love you guys always n forever x
pairing:Â neighbor!joel x fem!reader
summary: you're a mom. it's time to get your shit together.
warnings: bon jovi mention straight out the gate, labor/delivery [i have never given birth. those of you who have are nothing short of remarkable. please forgive if some of this is a little inaccurate or vague], use of pain medication during birth, description of pain and post-birth recovery, super emotional reader, unprotected piv, oral, alcohol consumption.
DISCLAIMER:Â this series covers some issues which i know may be sensitive and possibly triggering to some. warnings will always be as thorough as possible, but if thereâs ever anything you feel iâve missed, please let me know. feel free to drop by my inbox anytime.
word count: 12k
pt. i / series masterlist | main masterlist | playlist | follow @macfroglets w notifs on to be the first to hear when i post đ©”
Itâs September twenty-third.
Well, by now, itâs probably the twenty-fourth. Youâve been a little distracted, rolling between the sheets with your next-door neighbor for the last couple hours.
The weddingâs still going strong downstairs. The same Bon Jovi song has played three times over. Tommy has called Joel to ask where he is so much that Joelâs phone is now switched off and shoved to the bottom of his bag.
Youâre slouched on the toilet in a sliver of moonlight. A fistful of tissue, panties loose around your ankles. Rolling your forehead side to side along the cool tile, heartbeat hammering between your temples.
Joel Miller â Joel fucking Miller â is in your bed. Naked, sweating, cock probably still half-hard.
This morning, the very idea of the man was an eyeroll. Stood in your mirror, promising yourself that this time tomorrow, itâll all be over with.
This time in a month, itâll be a foggy memory.
This time in a year, it â
His voice is muffled through the bathroom door. âDid you fall in, or somethinâ?â
You snort. The milky moon blurs across your vision when you pull yourself upright. You swipe between your legs and stand, flushing the toilet.
âI needed a fucking breather,â you tease, tiptoeing back across the room.
Joelâs stretched out; a worked arm draped along the headboard. Sun-kissed to the middle of his bicep, paler across his shoulder. One leg bare on the mattress, the other under the sheets. They only just cover his modesty â dark hair trailing beneath light silk just in time.
Heâs so big. Itâs like you never really noticed until now. He takes up half the bed, laying like this. And sure, youâre halfway to fucked, but â has he always been so handsome?
You flop down beside him with a sigh, curling up in the burrow of sheets at his side. Your eyes trail up his body â the sheen of sweat up his side, the dark, damp hair under his arm. All the parts of him youâve never seen before, will never see again.
You gulp. Quit fucking staring.
He doesnât notice, anyway. Heâs rubbing circles into his temples, grumbling. âHow many goddamn times are they gonna play Itâs My Life?â
ââŠfor Tommy and GinaâŠâ you nudge him, ââŠwho never backed downâŠâ
Joel chuckles, pulling his hand down his beard. âTwenty bucks says heâs changing that to Maria.â
âOh, for sure. I ainât going back down to listen to it, though.â
He hums in agreement, reaching over for his beer. His Adamâs apple bobs as he drinks.
âYou owe me, by the way. This is my room, remember? My fucking minibar.â
He pauses, the bottle against his bottom lip. His eyes linger south of your chin before he answers, âIâm paying for the damn room.â
âThen I want a drink from yours. Make it even.â
He clicks his teeth and drinks again. âItâs one beer. Call it an early birthday gift.â
You frown. âWhen the hellâs your birthday?â
âTuesday.â
âBullshit.â
âSerious. The twenty-sixth.â
You push yourself up onto your elbows; chest bare and on display. And itâs a strange feeling, how little you care. Twelve hours ago, you didnât know how close to sit next to him at the ceremony. How many times you could accidentally bump knees or brush elbows and it not be weird.
But in the last two hours, heâs made you come more times than you can count. More times than anyone youâve ever been with before â thatâs for sure. And youâve repaid the favor: the proof is still dribbling out of you. Still dripping between your legs, all pearlescent and warm. Youâre soaked, swollen, still sore from the size of him.
Itâs a fucking strange feeling, that you donât mind at all.
âHow old are you turning?â you ask.
Joel swallows. He settles the beer on his sternum, thumbing the corner of the label. Sucks in a deep breath and says, âForty-eight.â
âJesus,â you mutter, eyes wide.
He turns slowly, glaring at you. âHilarious,â he drawls, bumping the bottle against your tummy.
You hiss at the sudden chill. Wiping cold droplets from your skin, you swipe it from his grasp.
Joel pushes himself from the bed with a quiet groan and pads across the room. His cock sways with each step, an arrowhead of thick hair at its base.
He doesnât seem to mind, either.
You tip your chin back, taking a hefty swig.
The pulsing bass is heavier, guitar squeal sharper, when he cracks open the window. Cool air sweeps past the scent of sex and settles softly on your skin.
The mattress dips again as Joel settles back into bed. He pulls the sheet over himself, silk falling over the stubborn shape against his thigh.
âWell,â you pass him the bottle, âhappy birthday, old man. Hereâs to forty-eight.â
âHereâs to forty-eight,â Joel echoes, staring off into space, âand whatever the hell it has in store.â
1:29. 1:29. 1:30.
Itâs blurring across your vision. The pain and the panic and the blinking of your fucking alarm clock.
Your stomach is still tensed in the aftermath of the contraction; an ache like the slow sway of the ocean, a wave rolling off into the distance. Youâre hunched over the edge of the bed â knee bouncing, palms kneading your round belly.
âWeâre okay,â you whisper, blowing into the still night. âWeâre fine. Maybe it isnât labor, right? Maybe itâs just thoseâŠBraxtonâŠshitâŠHicks.â
The cicadas laugh as your uterus swings again.
Another kick of pain; a bolt that winds you, piercing from your stomach down between your legs. So slow it feels fucking personal.
Your back curls, nails digging into the mattress. You grit your teeth until it passes, then push yourself to your feet, reaching for your phone.
You think of Joel: the flecks of gold in his eyes, the rough surface of his palms. The fresh, woodsy scent woven into every thread on his shirt, seeping from every pore on his skin.
The way heâd pull you under his arm and walk you to his truck. Play more Eagles or whatever shit he has to take your mind off the pain â tell you he knows, he knows as you whimper in agony. The way heâd hold your thigh the entire ride, loosening it only to weave his fingers through yours.
Heâs in Houston, though. Heâs something like three hours away. Thereâs nothing he could do, even if you did call â even if he did pick up. Even if he got in his truck right this second.
Shit. Shit fuck shit. How are you in labor right now, on this fucking night? All your teasing, all your taunting the universe. You really think thatâs gonna happen? You think your kidâs that much of an asshole?
Yeah. Theyâre half you.
Youâre on your own. Itâs nothing new; youâve been on your own for most of your life. You drove yourself to college, worked your ass off, and sold your graduation guest tickets to your roommate. You found a job by yourself, moved back to Austin and turned it into home by yourself.
You havenât needed anyone or anything, since you were eighteen.
But â oh, Jesus, fuck it. This was a two-man job from the start. Some things you figure you can let slide â and having a kid seems like a pretty decent excuse.
Fuck it.
You move, hunched and hobbling, to the bathroom door. Slumped against the wooden frame, you cup a hand between your legs.
Sure enough, your underwear is soaked. The fluid trickles down the seam of your thigh, warm and thin. It glistens in the moonlight when you lift your fingers.
âShit,â you whisper. âGoddamn it, Duck.â
Body tingling and almost numb with pain, you scroll through your contacts to J. You stumble into the bathroom, wet fingers slipping around the sink. A weight begins to pull low between your hips.
Two rings and the tone cuts, his voice instantly spilling a cool comfort down your spine.
Thereâs no hello, no double checking that you havenât accidentally dialed him in your sleep. Only that trademark drawl, that flat tone youâd swear sounded bored, if it werenât for the haste with which Joel asks, âYou okay?â the second he answers.
As if he were awake anyway, just waiting for your call.
âYeah,â you choke, rubbing the nape of your neck. âI just called at one in the morning toâŠto say hi.â
He sighs, the crackle of breath echoed by the tinkle of wind chimes. The creak of wood as he settles into a chair on Vanessaâs parentsâ porch. âAlright, smartass. What is it?â
âIâmâŠIâm in labor.â
âMhm. That sure is funny, baby. Good one.â
You groan. âNo, Joel, I swear â I swear, I just went into labor.â
He pauses. The chimes titter in the background. âYouâreâŠYou ainât kidding me?â
The sharp peak of pain swipes the air clean from your lungs. The phone hits the sink with a clatter, drowning out your cry.
This kid is beating the ever-loving shit out of you. Youâd be embarrassed if you had the energy to think about it.
âBaby?â Joel yells, loud enough that the sound loops around the bowl. His voice lifts to an octave you didnât know it could reach. âTalk to me. Please, talk to me.â
Your fingers clamp around the phone. âIâm f-fine. Itâs fine. I just gottaâŠgotta change my fuckinâ sheets, Joel, my waters broke while I was sleeping ââ
âOh, Christ,â he growls. The door squeals as he storms back into Vanessaâs family home. âThe shâŠChange the goddamn sheets? You gotta get to a hospital, darlinâ!â
You laugh, head tipping back. âItâs fine,â you tell him. âFeels like the kidâs trying to kill me, but I can â shit, I can take âem.â
Thereâs the jangle of keys, the ruffle of a shirt being thrown over his head. âYeah?â Joel says.âYou can take childbirth, all on your own? Do me a favor and call a damn ambulance, baby.â
âAn ambulance,â you repeat, laughing again.
âYes, an ambulance. Call 9-1-1 right now. You want me to call âem? Let me go grab the landline ââ
âJoel, do not call an ambulance ââ
And if you thought youâd heard him at breaking point before â plucking your underwear from his lawn, dragging you around Home Depot, paling in your room with a pregnancy test in his hands â you know you have, now.
âYou gotta get to a goddamn hospital now, baby!â
His voice trembles at its end, quivers like the pluck of a guitar string. A high-pitched echo, a nervous vibration.
Joelâs panicking.
Itâs the second thing in less than five minutes that you never knew he could do.
âI canât afford a f-fucking ambulance, Joel,â you yelp, sitting back on the edge of the bathtub.
âI will pay for it,â he pleads, âIâll pay. Just â you gotta call them. You gottaâŠâ He sighs again, breath wavering. âYouâre in labor, and youâre alone. If anything happened to you, I ââ
A hushed voice interrupts him. Follows him through the house, knotting her nightgown around her waist and twisting her dark tresses into a ponytail.
âSheâs in labor,â Joel tells her. âI canât stay. Iâm going back for her.â
The porch door slams shut before Vanessa can reply, and Joelâs back outside again. Gravel crunching beneath his boots, crickets screaming in the background. âStill with me?â he asks.
âStill here,â you breathe, tracing your nails along your leg. âDuckie says hi, I guess.â
He hums. âHi, Duckie. You little shit.â
You rock back and forth, eyes closed. Breathing between contractions, your head low between your shoulders. âHow long will you be?â
The truck door creaks open. âIâm leaving right now. Iâll beâŠFuck, Iâll be a couple hours, at least. Iâm on my way, alright?â
Tears drip onto your bare thighs, the salt spilling into your mouth. âJoel,â you shake your head, âI donât think I can do this.â
âYes, you can,â he says. âAre you kidding? Got us this far ân now you want to bail? That ainât you, baby. Come on, now.â
âI wanna bail,â you insist. You slump to the floor, head lolling over the rim of the bathtub. Weeping like a little kid. âIâm scared, Joel. Iâm so scared.â
âI know you are. Lord knows Iâm scared, too â scared as hell. But ââ the engine roars to life, ââ I canât wait to finally meet this kid. Our kid. Canât wait to hold âem. Canât wait to see you become a mom, and me become a dad.â
âMom and Dad,â you whisper, sniffling.
âMom and Dad, right? Yeah. You can do this. I know you can.â
The bathroom blurs behind your tears. You close your eyes, replacing the pale night with warmer dawn. Replacing it with images of tiny hands and feet; missing front teeth and a love-worn teddy tucked safely into bed.
Joelâs voice is softer, kinder. Calmer, now that heâs closing the hundred and fifty miles between the two of you.
âJust â donât let the kid give you any shit, alright?â
The fear boils into determination. Something more irritating than it is terrifying. You inhale, blowing a heavy, shuddered breath to the ceiling. âWhatever, Miller.â
âAttagirl,â he says. âThatâs the spirit. Now, call a damn ambulance.â
With a scoff, you push yourself to your feet, waddling towards the foot of your bed. You sway back and forth, holding your bump and listening to the hum of Joelâs truck.
And then you hear it.
Three sharp raps, from downstairs.
You wander to the hallway, squinting in the dark. âJoel?â
âHm?â
âAre youâŠ?â
The sound grows louder the nearer you draw. Quick knuckles against your front door.
âAm I what, darlinâ?â
You lower yourself down the stairs, fist tight around the rail.
Itâs August again. Sunâs encore blazing through your kitchen windows, bleeding golden through your living room. Everything shining, everything new and untouched.
Knock knock knock.
Light satin, duck egg blue; string lights and a diamond-encrusted necklace. The bones of your wardrobe propped against your porch. A rattling toolbox hanging from his fist, a positive pregnancy test in yours.
The knocking halts when you flick the porch light on. She calls your name once, old voice quivering.
Your phone is still glued to your ear as you pull the door open. âAlâŠ?â
She squints at you and lifts a hand to shield from the light. Sheâs still in her pajamas â green dressing gown loose and lifting in the breeze.
Her eyes drop to the tee draped over your bump, the silver stream of fluid down the inside of your thigh. As she opens her mouth to speak, your hand slams into the doorpost.
âOh, fuck,â you groan, and Alice Brown steps straight over the threshold.
âAre you in labor? Oh, sweetie. Sit down, sit.â
She backs you towards the stairs. One bony, trembling hand around yours â squeezing as tight as you are. She rubs up and down your spine, shushing until the pain subsides.
You blink up at her glowing figure, haloed by the porch light outside. âHow did youâŠ?â
She hushes you with a finger in the air. âIâm up most nights. I heard you from the window. Have you called 9-1-1?â
You shake your head, beginning to cry again.
Alice just nods, dismissing your bullshit. âWhereâs your overnight bag, sweetheart?â
You toss a thumb over your shoulder. âItâs up in the nursery. I can go grab it ââ
She holds you still with a hand on your shoulder. âStay.â Another curt nod, then, âGet your shoes, get yourself over to my car. Do you need pants? You need pants. My car, right now.â
âAlice, you really donât have to ââ
âGet in the car,â she insists, climbing past you. âIâm right behind you!â
You watch her figure dissolve into the dim upstairs, and lift the phone back to your ear. âDid youâŠhear all that?â
âAlice Brown,â Joel replies, and you can hear the smirk in his voice. âWhatâd I tell ya? That woman doesnât miss a goddamn thing in this neighborhood.â
âThree centimeters,â the obstetrician says, covering your legs with the sheet. âStill a little ways to go.â
The suite is hushed and still. Walls an unoffending shade of oatmeal; decorated only with oak paneling and a framed painting of some lilies.
A nurse tilts the shades, averting the twinkling city lights in the distance. She turns and smiles â the same fucking smile everyoneâs been giving you since you set foot in the place. Head tilted, brows arched.
Sympathy that you want to chew up and spit back out at their feet.
You force yourself to smile in return, and she floats back out to the bustling reception.
âWill he make it?â Alice asks. Sheâs still in her pajamas; the floral print goes well with the interior of the room. âThe father, I mean. Joel.â
The obstetrician peels the gloves from her hands. She shrugs as she drops them into a wastebin. âI donât see why not,â she says. âThings are moving a little quickly, but I donât see you having your baby in the next couple hours.â
âYou donât know this kid like I do,â you groan, shifting in the bed.
She lifts the cardiotocograph reading, scanning the jagged lines. âYouâre doing great,â she says. âIâll be back in a little while. Just holler if you need anything.â She strolls off, letting the door sweep shut behind her.
Alice adjusts your pillow and squeezes your shoulder. She holds out a cup of water, guiding the straw to your lips. âHeâll be here,â she whispers.
You take a sip and settle back. âI donât think Iâm that lucky. I told him I hoped heâd get a flat on the ride there. This feels like karma.â
âWell, if itâs anyoneâs karma ââ she wiggles her fingers, ââ itâs his. Going to Houston was ridiculous in the first place. Hell, you two not being together is ridiculous.â
You scoff, shaking your head. âJust because weâre having a kid doesnât mean we should be together. You shouldnât be with someone for the sake of a baby who wonât even know any different.â
âRight, right,â Alice agrees, turning away. âYou should only be with someone if you love them.â
âExactly. And me and Joel â weâre not in love.â
She murmurs to herself. She lowers into a chair by the window, crossing her arms. âIâm seventy-three,â she says. âIâm not a damn fool.â
Something twists awkwardly between your hips. You wince, clutching your bump.
Duckieâs heartbeat pulses through the room. Muffled little bubbles of noise, popping one after the other. Strong and steady as hell â a determined little thing, the doctor said.
Donât I fucking know it, you thought.
You reach for the silicone mask and cup it over your mouth. The gas is cold and funny when you inhale, feeling it shoot straight for the back of your skull. It does little more than dull the spiking pain, but still â you tip your head back, eyes rolling closed.
You let yourself fade from the suite â its yellow lamplight and hushed chatter outside â to somewhere warmer. Somewhere brighter.
Birdsong high overhead, and the whispering leaves on the oak trees in your yard. The sweet breeze on your skin, soothing the sting of the sun. Prickling wood on your fingertips, the gentle strum of a guitar somewhere beyond the fence.
Peering between the slats, catching glimpses of him like watching a film reel. His head nodding, his foot tapping. The concentration tight on his face; the perfect pick and pluck of his fingers on each string.
Half-hoping that heâll spot you, scold you for spying and storm back into his house. That he might bring it up later â And another thing, while he whips his newspaper from your grasp, ignoring your cackling.
Half-hoping that he wonât. That heâll sit there at his back door, bottle of beer at his feet, playing to his audience of sparrows.
And youâll stand here, wishing you could ask the name of each song he hums.
The contraction splits your daydream in two.
In two hours, you dilate almost three centimeters.
You pace back and forth across the suite, pausing only when your womb clenches like a fist. The contractions are lasting longer, swinging lower, and punching harder. Theyâre giving you less recovery time; less of a chance to get back on your feet.
Itâs a fucking nightmare.
Joelâs still not here. Last you heard, heâd just hit Travis County. Twenty minutes, baby, I promise. That was half an hour ago.
It might be for the better that he hasnât gotten here. Youâve warned Alice three times already that you might just beat the shit out of him, whenever he walks through that door.
And you know what, sweetheart? She chuckled. I bet you could beat the shit out of him, sore as you are.
âFuck,â you cry out, collapsing onto the bed. You stretch out forward, head hanging between your shoulders, and gulp back more of the laughing gas. The ache barrels from your stomach to your hips, peaking in the very center.
Alice rubs circles into the small of your back. Itâs not helping, but you let her do it anyways. Gives her something to tell the neighbors that isnât damaging to your reputation.
âThatâs it,â she coos. âA little longer, just a littleâŠâ
The door clicks open just as the tense band begins to loosen.
Your head is spinning. The mask slips from your fingers.
Aliceâs hand pauses. ââŠa little longerâŠâ she repeats, voice drifting. Her weight leaves your back, replaced by something heavier, stronger.
Safer.
Someone grounding, someone smelling of pine and sweet spice.
He sits on the bed at your back and curves around your body. Lips to your shoulder like the sun in your backyard. His beard scratches against your hot skin.
You blink your eyes open.
Joelâs watch face winks back at you. His hands are over yours â bigger, wider. His fists swallow yours whole. They turn, slipping beneath your palms, and your fingers lace together.
âJoelâŠâ you breathe, face turning in to his neck.
âHi, sweet girl,â he says, wiping sweat from your brow.
You fall limp against his chest. âHoly shit.â
He looks exhausted. Gray, almost translucent. Looks like heâs just driven a couple hundred miles, half asleep and wholly panicked.
But â heâs here. He made it.
The sight of him, the feel of him holding you upright, melts away any anger or resolve to fight back. For now, at least. Picking an argument can wait until there isnât a human splitting you in two.
Heâs here. Youâre not doing this alone.
âHoly shit,â Joel repeats. âYou okay?â
âHow did you get here so â?â
âNinety-five the entire way.â
You frown. âOnly ninety-five?â
âTrunkâs a hunk aâ shit,â he admits. âCouldnât break a hundred.â
Alice scoffs, somewhere across the room.
He cradles you, his lips to your forehead. âWhere we at?â he asks, staring at the paper churning from the cardiotocograph.
âFive, almost sâshit â six centimeters.â You clamp down on his hands, your uterus winding again.
Joel holds the mask back to your lips and you suck another chemical breath in. âSix? Jesus,â he gapes at Alice, âainât thatâŠainât that real fast? For â for your first?â
Your fingers are weak and shaky, resting on his knuckles. âYour kid has a sick sense of humor,â you mutter into the silicone.
âThat ainât from me,â he says. âThatâs all you, maestro.â
You turn closer into his shirt with a groan. Heâs solid as a rock, swaying you through it. Heâs here.
Alice swipes her coat from a hook by the door. She shakes her head, pulling it over her shoulders. âNinety-five, Joel? Sweet Lord.â
He rolls his eyes. His hand curves around your bump. âHad a little bit of an emergency, Alice,â he says, watching your face twist with pain.
âAnd what if youâd had an accident?â
âI didnât, Alice.â
âYou couldâve, goinâ that damn fast. Youâre lucky youâre even here.â
Joel finally looks up. âItâs four in the morninâ,â he protests, like a teenager. âLucky if I passed five cars.â
You give him a weak smile, lowering the mask. You wonât win, you mouth.
He presses his lips to your head. ââs too much fun,â he murmurs, and you snort.
âOh!â Alice throws a hand up. âIâm glad you find it funny!â She buttons her coat and glares back at both of you, hands on her hips.
Sheâs a busybody â has been since before you even moved in. She showed up on your doorstep on your first night with a casserole in hand, and made sure to get a good look at your living room before she shuffled back to her own place.
Always watching, always listening.
You never thought youâd see the day when youâd actually be thankful for her snoopiness.
âThank you, Alice,â you say, head tilting. âFor getting me here, for holding my handâŠThank you.â
Her expression thaws, eyes gleaming. With a sniff, she composes herself â and then points to Joel. âYou call me as soon as that baby arrives. I wonât sleep, Joel, until you call.â
âIâll call,â he assures.
She looks back at you. Balls her crepe paper fists, gives them a hearty shake. âGood luck, Mom,â she says, and with one last glance, slips out of the room.
Joel turns back to you, an eyebrow raised. âTake it she was out tendinâ to her tulips again?â
âYeah,â you snicker, âone in the morning, those fuckers had to be watered.â
He chuckles. âYou feelinâ okay?â
âBetter now,â you tell him.
âIâm so sorry, darlinâ,â he says, shaking his head. âI shouldâve been here. A goddamn idiot, headinâ off like that. So damn stupid.â
âShh, youâre here now.â You wipe the tears from the corners of his eyes. âI just needed you to be here.â
He nods. âIâm here, whatever you need. Tell me what I can do.â
You take a deep breath. âI needâŠâ
Joel straightens â bracing, ready to jump at your first request.
ââŠI need a fucking break, Joel. Iâm so tired, and this fucking kid ââ
âAlright,â he sighs, shifting from behind you. âYou and your goddamn jokes.â
You smirk, looking over your shoulder. âYou missed me.â
âHm,â he fixes the neckline of your gown, âI missed you. I really did.â
Born at 07:43. Itâs a girl.
Itâs like being broken open. Like splitting at the seams; your old self falling from you like shards of fruit. Separating, rolling apart; making way for someone older, wiser. Someone with all of the answers in the palm of her hand.
Mom.
You finally get it. She turns to you, finally glances over her shoulder. And sheâs no stranger â no one you havenât known your entire life. I know you, you whisper, nail trailing her smile lines and the pimples along her jaw.
I see you every time I look in the mirror.
Duckie is pulled from your body with a scream like bloody murder â a scream which matches the whimper you let out in shock, if not in volume.
The kid can scream. Jesus Christ, she can scream. It pierces the dull room; deafens you for a couple seconds the first time you hear it.
Youâve never heard a sound so fucking beautiful.
She wails as they lift her from your body. All curled-up, wriggling in the midwifeâs arms. She wails as they slot her beneath your chin, as they wipe the blood and amniotic fluid from her.
She wails until the moment her skin meets yours, and as though itâs all youâve ever known, you begin shushing her cries. Your arms close around her body, rocking her until she settles.
Her tiny hand grabs for something, for someone, for â
You.
Her mom.
âJoel,â you gasp, watching her tiny, pruned fingers clasp tight around just one of yours. âSheâsâŠsheâs so smallâŠâ
He sniffs in reply, lifting his hand from your shoulder to wipe his face.
You turn to look up at him.
He looks as broken open as you feel. Eyes bloodshot and soaking, tears streaming into his thick beard. A sob in his throat which chokes and silences him, until he catches your eye and he canât help but laugh with elation.
âLook at her,â he weeps, all torn up by the little girl in your arms. He presses his lips to your forehead in a crash of a kiss: wet, soaking wet on your skin.
You beam up at him when he pulls away. âWe did it,â you whisper.
Joel shakes his head. He runs a thumb across the damp print left on your head. âYou did it, honey,â he mutters. âI was nothinâ but a spectator.â
âYou almost missed the game,â you quip, and he laughs again.
Your body throbs; nearly numb with pain, heavy with fatigue and emotion. But as long as sheâs here, this tiny tornado of a girl, you donât feel a thing.
Clenching and then unclenching her fist around your finger â so delicate compared to the punches she was throwing at your ribs just six hours ago. Sheâs worth every fucking second of it.
You finally fucking get it.
She fits so perfectly in the crook of your arm. It feels as though your body was made just to hold her â the very shape of you, designed especially for the very shape of her.
You wonder whether it was the same for your mom. Whether you came along and made her feel whole, for the first time in her life.
Duckieâs eyes open â all glossy and brand new, blinking up at the both of you like she needed no introduction. She already knows you, from the inside out. Her dadâs graying beard, the threads of silver around his temples. Her momâs tear-stained cheeks, eyes red and bleary with sleeplessness and pure love.
Youâre Mom, youâre Dad.
Itâs all sheâs ever known.
The pillow sighs as you lean back into it. The doctor begins repairing the damage done between your legs; threading and knitting your body back together.
Youâre caught between a state of bliss and shock. Your brain is doing much the same work to itself as the woman between your knees is. Patching over all the bloody parts: the screams which tore your skin, the pain which cracked your teeth.
None of it holds a candle to the weight of her in your arms. No matter how tired you are, you canât take your eyes off her. Her puffy cheeks, the little creases between her brows. No matter how sore, you never want to let go of her.
Joel runs a finger down Duckieâs cheek. âAinât she the most beautiful thing in the world?â
âI love her,â you say, bubbling again. âI love her more than anything.â
An hour old, and sheâs already a daddyâs girl.
Joel ambles back and forth at the foot of your bed in the recovery suite, bouncing Duck in his arms. Heâs never looked so relaxed, so natural at something. Heâs never seemed so content, so peaceful.
Everything heâs ever made with his hands â structures and framework and your goddamn closet â and yet this, this tiny accident, this baby girl you were so sure youâd dreamt up right up until an hour ago â
This is the thing heâs proudest of.
Morning lifts through the windows, all soft and vanilla. It floats around him, sunlight spilling across his skin and breathing life and color into him.
Sunlight â or his daughter. Theyâre the same thing, anyway.
You pull apart a slice of toast, watching. Just watching. Sweet strawberry jam on your tongue, the flavor of everything sharper, fresher. The colors brighter, more vivid.
The world makes more sense like this, you think. Painted in shades of honey and ochre; a room in a corner of the world where time slows to a halt. A soft lullaby from his lips, and the little coos from hers.
The ache of love and labor lingers deep inside you, and nothing has ever made more sense.
You suck the sticky sweet from your fingertips.
Joel looks up, toying with Duckieâs hand. âYou want her back?â he asks, a dumb grin on his face.
You shake your head. âI like watching you.â
He scrunches his nose, nuzzling it against his daughterâs, and whispers, âI wasnât gonna give you back, anyways.â He sways in the early light, staring down at her. âJesus,â he mutters, swiping at his eyes again, âI didnâtâŠI didnât know I could love somethinâ this much.â
âMe, either.â
He drifts over, lowering himself slowly onto the edge of the bed. He extends his elbow, still cradling the baby, and helps you pull yourself upright.
You hiss, a not-so-subtle sting between your legs.
âYou, uhâŠyou think of a name yet?â Joel asks.
âNot yet,â you reply, hooked onto his shoulder. Duck blows a bubble and you wipe it with your knuckle. âI thought we were sticking with Duckie?â
His cheeks swell. The sun kisses the edges of his beard. âI thought of one,â he says softly. âMaybe. Itâs your call.â
You yawn into his shirt, the warmth of him calm and soothing. âAlright, Miller. Hit me.â
He looks down at the baby nestled in his safe hands. The smallest thing either of you have ever seen.
The name must roll around his head a few times, the way he tilts to-and-fro â looking at her from one angle, then the next. Deciding, when he pulls back, that she suits it from every direction. Like it was her name long before he or even you knew it.
You watch his lips shape the name before you hear it.
Sarah.
And for what feels like forever, you just stare at him. The syllables lingering in the air like glistening specks of dust in a sunbeam. Your eyes follow them down to your daughter, now sleeping peacefully with two hands around one of her dadâs thumbs.
âSarah,â you repeat, remembering whose name it was, whose name it is â whose name it has always been. âSarah Miller.â
Joelâs shoulders lift. âWhat do you think? She look worthy of beinâ a Sarah?â
The rustle of tissue paper. Blue and green and purple tearing between your fingers. The funny fuzz of pom poms as your hands rummaged through the bag. Her hand swimming towards you, an orange foam fish riding the waves between her fingers. Bubbly sounds erupting from her lips.
Your girlish giggle. Her silly grin. Hopscotch along the sidewalk; stopping to look for cars before sheâd walk you across the street. How much do I love you, baby girl?
More than the whole world, Mama.
âI love it,â you breathe, tears running to the corners of your mouth. âSarah fucking Miller.â
âSarah fuckinâ Miller,â Joel echoes; two wet lines the same as yours, curving down his cheeks. He shifts her into the crook of his arm.
Youâre impossibly close. Your chin rests on his shoulder, foreheads brushing when you lean in to each other. His breath is hot on your lips, closer and closer and closer until â
He tastes like salt, rich with emotion. Salt, and then sweet when your tongue meets his. He lifts his free hand to cup your cheek, and your fingers link around his wrist.
And you know you shouldnât be doing it â know this isnât your man to be kissing. But in this room, where no one else can see â where itâs just you, him, and all the best parts of yourselves shaped into someone better â he feels like yours.
Just for a moment.
Joel takes the first week of Sarahâs life off work.
He spends a good twenty minutes on the phone to the contractor, talking more about the kid than he does the job. Her eyelashes, her fingernails, the way her legs scrunch anytime he lifts her up.
Heâs besotted with the entire thing. And he tells everybody so.
He moves in with you both, stays in your guestroom. Itâs a week of no sleep, no peace, and a total of three showers between you. Wearing the same clothes covered in spit-up and drool until one of you has the time or energy to do laundry.
Itâs hard. Itâs the hardest thing youâve ever done. By your count, youâve already cried three times to Joel â terrified youâre getting it all wrong.
But youâre doing it. Jesus God, youâre doing it.
You order takeout most nights. You canât stand long enough to cook just yet, and you donât trust Joel not to burn your fucking kitchen down â despite his protests. And it feels like, after everything your bodyâs given you, it deserves a greasy pizza and some chicken wings.
You rot on the couch together, watching shitty TV and arguing over reruns of Jeopardy! â until Sarah wakes and the whole thing begins again.
Joel loses the game of rock, paper, scissors tonight.
âShh, baby girl. âs alright now, I gotcha,â he lulls, tucking her back in to her bassinet.
She fusses and stretches out; arms over her head, legs curled up. Her onesie is still a little too big â the socked feet all baggy, the sleeves rolled up her wrists.
He lingers for a moment as she drifts off, a hand stroking her tummy. Watching, always watching her. The rise and fall of her stomach, the puffs of breath from her nostrils, her lips still suckling away in her sleep.
âI swear I have a baby photo that looks just like her,â you say. âSame nose and everything.â
Joel clicks his teeth. âGot her looks from her mom. Lucky thing.â
âLow-hanging fruit,â you snort.
He drifts back over, sinking into the couch at your side. âDoinâ okay?â he asks, and you nod.
Every muscle in your body still feels like a ton weight. Your stomach is still swollen; there are still stitches between your legs. There are moments you canât tell if youâre crying because of hormones, exhaustion, or joy.
Every time, itâs a combination of all three.
Life before feels so long ago â and it hasnât even been a fortnight. But then you held her for the first time, and now â your arm misses the weight of her when sheâs not in it. Your house feels eerily quiet when sheâs not laughing, or whimpering, or screaming the fucking roof down.
You can feel your daughter growing up already, and sheâs only ten days old.
On the mantelpiece, safe in a stippled gold frame, your mom beams down over her. The photo at least twenty years old, the memory even older. Laughing, the way she always was; nothing quite so funny as a joke frozen in time.
Joel prods you with his elbow. âSheâd be proud of you, you know. Your mom.â
âOh,â you scoff, âno, sheâd be like, Holy shit. This kid totally kicked your ass.â
He chuckles. âSure she did,â he shrugs, âsheâs your kid.â
The TV babbles to itself across the room. In its glow, Joel meets your eye. A tiny, pearly fleck swimming in deep honey.
Itâs familiar â each shade of bronze in his eyes, each thread of silver through his hair. Like youâve mapped each and every line on his skin, collecting them like the sleepless hours between you.
Everything about him feels so normal. Burnt toast in the morning, a spoon clinking around a mug of coffee. The rustle of the newspaper, the sizzle of eggs in the pan, the baby snoring on your chest.
Everything â and yet nothing youâve ever known.
âI miss her,â you whisper. âI miss my mom.â
His hand finds yours instantly. âI know, baby. I know you do.â
You slouch down, leaning on his shoulder, and close your eyes. Joel presses his lips to the crown of your head, his thumb looping around your knuckles.
Sarah gurgles in her sleep. She sighs â a satisfied little sound. Nothing has ever made more sense.
His voice rumbles against your skull. âWho sent the lilies?â
Your eyes flutter open. âHm?â
Joel flicks his finger towards the window, towards a sprawl of speckled, cream flowers. âThe lilies? They werenât there this morning.â
âOhâŠâ You turn to look up at him, cringing.
He sees the flicker of her behind your eyes. Her lustrous curtain of hair, her perfect almond nails.
âReally?â Joel asks, mirroring your expression.
You nod, trying not to laugh. âFrom her and Kate. You were upstairs with Sarah when she came by. I offered to call you down, but â she just wanted to drop âem and go.â
âWhat did sheâŠ? Did she say anything?â
Your head shakes. âShe justâŠshe said congratulations, said she hoped we were okay. Then she got in her car and she left. I kinda figured things werenât sunshine and roses, anyway. You havenât fuckinâ seen her since Houston.â
He snorts, fingers massaging his eyes. âI was goinâ to tell you,â he mumbles into his palms, âI justâŠHoney, I donât even know what day of the week it is right now. Iâm sorry.â
âYou donât have to tell me anything,â you mutter.
âYes, I do,â he insists. His eyes flit over to Sarah, then back to you. âWe havenât really talked it through yet, me ân her. I called her a few days ago, we agreed itâs time. It â itâs past time. I shoulda called it months ago.â
âI guess,â you sigh. âAre you okay?â
Joelâs brow furrows. ââcourse I am. I got the most beautiful baby girl in the world,â and then, rolling his eyes, âyouâre here.â
âOh, fuck you,â you clip, batting his arm. âVanessa could do way better, anyways.â
âI donât doubt it.â
You squeeze his fingers, softly adding, âIâm sorry it didnât work out, Joel.â
He stares down at your clasped hands. He looks tired, worn out. You figure itâs not just from the newborn. But he takes a deep breath, something the color of relief dawning on his skin, and looks you dead in the eye.
âIâm not.â
ÂâHey, Duckie â can you say, Happy birthday, Daddy?â
A vinyl wobbles on the turntable â some acoustic record from when Joel was a teenager. Thereâs wrapping paper still crumpled beneath the coffee table; four plates with more crumbs than cake left, dotted around the room.
Tommy leans in, a lopsided party hat on his head, and tickles Sarahâs chin.
She blinks at him, unamused, then scrunches her little nose and turns back into your chest.
He sighs, straightening. âShe donât like her uncle Tommy all that much,â he grumbles, sulking back over to the couch. Maria puts a consoling arm around his shoulder.
You rest your lips on Sarahâs head, breathing in her sweet scent. Swaying back and forth, you tease, âShe donât like anyone all that much, not unless theyâre her daddy.â
Joelâs head lifts and he smiles, eyes glistening. He watches you and Sarah dance; laughs when you twirl her around and she tips her head back, flashing a gummy grin.
âSheâll come around to ya,â he tells Tommy, wandering over to your side. âWe all learned to, eventually.â
Tommy scoffs. âVery funny, old man. Jesus.â
Joel stoops down to let Sarah run her small hands through his beard. He catches her fingertips between his lips and pretends to nibble on them.
She giggles, squirming in your arms. Her fingers find the sweeps of hair on his forehead and, taking a fistful, she tugs.
âChrist,â Joel hisses, pulling back.
âThat was on you this time,â you chuckle, pointing a finger. âYou know she does that, and you still fall for it.â
Maria glances down at her watch. âIs that the time?â she asks, turning to Tommy. âWe should really turn in.â
âOh â right, right.â Tommy tips the last of his beer into his mouth. âWeâre takinâ Mom to brunch tomorrow. Better get some goddamn rest.â
Joel hums, still massaging his hairline. âHey,â he whispers, elbowing you. âMaybe I should take her over. Sheâs getting sleepy â ainât you, little Duck?â
âOh, yeah.â
Tommy stands and holds a hand out. âWhy donât you let Maria and I take her? Weâll tuck her in, keep an eye on her. We werenât half bad the other day, while yâall were at work. And if sheâs stayinâ at Joelâs tonight anywayâŠâ
You glance to Joel, who shrugs. Something shaped like Sure.
âAs long as you donât mind,â you reply, bouncing the baby slowly. âLet me go grab her things.â
Joelâs hand slips across the small of your back as you pass, making for the stairs. He lingers at the bottom, watching until you turn into the nursery with Sarah in the crook of your arm.
You set her down in her crib and gather some of her favorites: a yellow blanket, a duck comforter, a rattle shaped like an elephant. She watches contentedly as you shuffle back and forth, staring when you lean over the wooden rail.
âYou know how much I love you?â you whisper, curling a finger inside her fist. She squeezes, and you say, âMore than the whole world.â
She grabs at the chain dangling from your neck, the letter S catching the light. Instead, she lifts your finger to her mouth. Her nails scratch light as a feather across your skin. Her gums are tiny and soft around your knuckle.
Everything about her is tiny and soft. Her sweeping eyelashes, her plushy cheeks. Her round tummy, and the squeals she lets free as you dot kisses and blow raspberries all over it. No matter how much sheâs grown in three months, sheâs still so tiny.
Sheâll always be the smallest, sweetest thing youâve ever known. And sheâs all yours.
âJesus, kid,â you sniff, swiping at your tears. You slip your hands around her back and prop her on your hip. âAlright, letâs go. Quit making your mom cry.â
The bag over your shoulder, you carry her out of the room and into the dark hallway. Itâs quiet downstairs; nothing but the crackle of the record player, the distant chink of dishes in the kitchen.
That â and hushed voices in the living room.
âJoel,â Tommy says, over and over again. Heâs trying to cut in between his brotherâs rambling. Joel â listen to me. Just listen, for one second ââ
You linger on the bottom step, trying to split Joelâs voice from Tommyâs. Trying to pluck the words out, over Mariaâs humming from the next room.
ââŠand it ainât that simple, Tommy itâs ââ
âWhat ainât simple about it? You have a ââ Tommy says it through his teeth, ââ you have a kid together, Joel. You really think sheâs gonna ââ
Sarah grabs the charm around your neck and shakes suddenly, rattling the chain.
You close your hand around hers, losing your balance. âShhhhit, Duckie, you ââ
Joelâs eyes snap to your figure as you step down. He clears his throat, leaning away from Tommy. âHey â hey, darlinâ.â
âHey,â you reply. Bright. Chipper. Unclenching your fist to let your daughter shake your necklace some more.
She squeals with delight when she spots Joel across the room.
âShe ready to go?â he asks, slinging a quick â telling â look at Tommy.
You look between the brothers, browns quirking. They look as guilty as each other: scratching their beards, staring at the furniture instead of you. âUhuh,â you reply, tongue against your teeth. âEverythingâŠeverything okay?â
Tommy slaps his thighs as he stands. âEverythingâs great, sweetheart. Sure as shit. Joel â you, uhâŠyou got a key on ya?â
âOh, yep.â Joel reaches into his pocket. He unhooks a silver key from the chain and drops it into his brotherâs open palm.
Tommy calls for Maria. He sidesteps around you, face flushed and smiling.
She floats through from the kitchen, drying her palms on her jeans. âWhereâs my baby duck?â she sings, reaching for Sarah.
You pass her over and she melts into her auntâs arms, curling up into a little pink lump on her chest. âShe just had a feed, like, twenty minutes ago, so â she should go down pretty well. And there are more bottles in Joelâs fridge, if you need âem.â
Maria nods, wrapping Sarahâs blanket around her. She lifts the bag strap from your shoulder and hands it to Tommy. âIâll text you as soon as sheâs down. Come on, Duckie, letâs get you to bed.â
Tommy leans over and squeezes your arm, winking as he follows his wife. He calls goodnight to Joel, lifting a pointed finger over his head, and closes the door behind them.
Things could not have gone smoother.
Itâs suspicious as shit.
You turn when you hear Joel shifting.
âCâmon,â he utters, a pile of plates in one hand. âI ainât leavinâ you with this mess.â He heads through to the kitchen, broad figure swaying.
The plates spill into the sink, water trickling over them. Joel hums to himself as he gets to work with a sponge in hand.
You linger in the living room.
Things have been good lately â peaceful. Youâre in as much of a routine as Sarah will allow: a steady pattern of dropping her off and picking her back up, patchwork family dinners, daytrips whenever both of you can make them.
Your body is healing, pulling itself back together. You donât have to think about being Mom anymore â she walks in stride with you. The world is painted a new shade of normal â one where you can do anything with a baby on your hip, one where love becomes your first language.
One where you swallow back the ache in your heart, for better or for worse. The only piece of you still fractured. The only wound left open.
Joelâs birthday cards lie flat on the coffee table. You pluck them up one by one â his parentsâ, Tommy and Mariaâs, yours â and Sarahâs.
A messy splotch of a handprint, bright yellow paint smeared across half the fucking card (she hasnât quite mastered self-control yet). A googly eye plastered to the birdâs chest; orange crayon for the beak and legs.
Sure, you took charge for most of the project â but when he opened it and saw his daughterâs little masterpiece, you caught him swiping his knuckle at the corner of his eye. He snuggled into her, perched on his lap, and whispered, Thank you, little Duckie.
You prop them along your mantelpiece, dotted around your momâs photo. When you step back, looking from son to brother toâŠa good friend, you could almost pretend.
Almost pretend that they belong here, on this mantelpiece. There is no yours and his. Just one of everything; nothing doubled nor halved.
Almost pretend that he wonât collect them as he leaves, break into another teary laugh at the sight of the duck painting, and then kiss your cheek goodnight. Promise to have your daughter back in time to go swimming tomorrow morning.
Almost.
âHey,â Joel calls, âdid you, uh â did you hear Tommy talkinâ about Jackson?â
You slip into the kitchen, side by side with him at the sink. âUh, yeah,â you reply, lifting a towel. âMoose, pine trees. Yep.â
âIt sounds beautiful. You think we should take a trip up there sometime? Could be Sarahâs first vacation.â
âYou mean the three of us?â
He shrugs, scrubbing a bowl in the water. âSure. I donât think Duckie would let one of us stay behind, do you? Sheâd scream the damn airport down,â he chuckles, looking back to the twinkling bubbles.
You hum. âMaybe.â
âYou donât feel like it?â
âNo, I do. I just â I donât know. Maybe someday.â
âOkay,â Joel says, nodding. âPut a pin in it.â
He passes you a dripping plate and you drag the towel over it, circling the pattern until the suds are wiped clean. And another, and another.
It feels awkward. It feels stiff. Thereâs something hanging between you, heavy on both your shoulders. A weight you havenât felt around Joel in over a year.
You turn to him as he stacks the last plate on the draining board. âIs that what you were talking to Tommy about?â
Joel pauses. âYou heard that, huh?â
âOnly the part about having a kid. Itâs none of my business, I know, I just ââ
âActually,â he clears his throat, âitâs plenty your business.â
He leans back against the counter and crosses his arms. A deep breath, cheeks puffing as he exhales. His grip on the dish towel whitens his knuckles.
HeâsâŠnervous. The same shade of gray he wore the night you went into labor.
He takes another unsteady breath.
âJoel?â you ask, head tilting. âWhatever it is, you can say it. I got whiskey, if thatâll make it easier. Probably tastes like shit, butâŠâ
His expression cracks. His eyes twinkle, and he smiles. Only a little, but enough. Enough to let the words slip through.
âYou know, that night at Tommyâs wedding was one of the best nights of my life.â
Your heartbeat thuds a bassline in your ears; the rush of your blood the squealing guitar. Skin tacky, moans caught between teeth. Laughter and lust tangling together in the air.
âYeah?â you ask.
Joel nods. âYeah. Lying there â talking, laughing, messinâ around. I donât think Iâve ever laughed that hard in all my life. I couldâve stayed in that room with you forever.â
Your eyes start to sting. You look away.
âI thought I would regret it. I thought I should regret it. And I never did. But then,â he takes a deep breath, âthe next day, I look out front, and my newspaperâs sittinâ on my lawn. And for two weeks straight, I kept checking â and there it was. I thought, Sure as shit, she regrets the whole thing. I thought you never wanted to see me again.â
You shake your head. âI wanted to see you again. I missed â I missed you. Missed pissinâ you off.â
He laughs. âI missed you pissinâ me off. Missed that annoying as hell thud on my porch.â
âI didnât know if you wanted me to â you know,â you admit, and Joel nods.
âWe got pretty good at avoidinâ each other,â he grumbles. âAnd then â with Vanessa, I thought Iâd be doinâ you a favor. Letting you off light.â
âYouâŠyou took her number to do me a favor?â
âNaw,â Joel says. âI took her number âcause her brother in-law has a lumber company, and I had a closet to build. I was drunk, I was an idiot, and I brought it up to her at the wedding. By the time I thought it through, you ân I werenât speakinâ.â
You stare at him, jaw slack. âAre you fucking kidding me?â
He shakes his head. He edges closer to you. Voice low, he says, âI shouldnâtâve gone out on that first date with her. I shouldnâtâve done any of it. I shouldâve talked to you about what I was feeling.â
âWell, maybe we both shouldâve,â you mutter, wringing your hands. âI wasnât exactly the best at it, either.â
His head tips, considering. âCan I tell you now?â
You glance over to him. âTell me what, Miller?â
âTell youâŠtell you that I love you,â he whispers.
It steals the breath from your lungs. One clean swipe.
He nods to himself, then â certain of it â and says it again. âI do, darlinâ. I love you.â
Your heart begins to hammer. Tears spill over onto your cheeks, dripping from your jaw.
âAnd, look ââ Joel takes your wrists, ââ I got no right to say any of that, I know. I put you through a hell of a lot, these last few months â and that kills me. But if youâll let me, I swear to you â Iâll make it up to you. Iâll take care of you for the rest of my life.â
You look up. His cheeks are dappled, too â glistening with tears. âJoelâŠâ you weep.
He cups your jaw. âListen to me. What weâve had, the last three months â I want it all the time. I want you, and I want Duck. I want the three of us under one roof. I want to sleep in the same bed as you.â
You breathe a shuddered laugh. Your hands fall over his wrists. Keep talking, you mouth, bottom lip trembling.
âI want to get married, or not,â Joel says. âI want to show up to Tommy and Mariaâs anniversary party late, âcause Duck couldnât pick which shoes she wanted to wear. I want to have more kids, take âem on vacation.â
âWyoming?â you sniff.
âWyoming,â he repeats. âI wantâŠI want all of it, baby. You ân me. I want you ân me, more than anything in the world. And if Iâm too late, then you can tell me. Tell me, and I swear on my life I will never mention it again.â
Your hands curve over his. His strong knuckles, worked and weathered and worn by his years. Down to his wrists â the tatty strap on his ages-old watch, the dark hair peppered along his arms.
âI love you so much, baby. So much that it drives me insane. You drive meâŠfuckinâ insane.â
âOh, fuck you,â you whisper, balling your fists against his chest.
Joel laughs, nose brushing against yours. âYeah,â he sniffs, âI figured youâd say somâ like that.â
âI love you, too,â you mumble, linking your arms around his neck. âShit, I love you.â
âAinât that a thing?â he says, and his lips are on yours.
Itâs been a year. A year since the first time you felt him â lips soft as velvet, sweet with alcohol and something stronger. His tongue and yours, his teeth and yours. Every part of you clashing with every part of him.
And goddamn, youâve missed it.
Joel follows you upstairs, pinning you to the wall by your bedroom door. White heat flooding through your veins, he kneels before you and pulls you onto his tongue.
Heâs hungry.
He laps at you as though youâll be gone in the morning. As though he wonât wake up tangled in you, breathing in your scent, lips on your skin.
Dusk seeps in at the edges of your vision; daylight draining from the sky. Itâs dark, too dark to see him clearly, but you feel him fucking everywhere.
His beard grazes the inside of your thigh. He kisses where he scratches your skin. He holds your hips steady, tongue dipping in and out.
âYou know how fuckinâ sweet you taste?â he growls, slipping inside again.
He looks so good between your legs. Like he was made for it â made for you. All yours, in ways you never really understood until now.
He brings you to the edge with his tongue flat against your clit. Holding your hips firm against his mouth, groaning with you as you fall.
You come with a broken moan. Hips stutter to a halt, legs fall wide open. The warmth in your belly spills over and rushes to every corner of your body.
Joel moans, tongue still lapping as your cunt pulses all over him. âGood fuckinâ girl,â he slurs, watching you come undone.
He stands, a chaste kiss to your lips, and then parts them with his tongue. âTaste good?â he mumbles, kissing you gently.
Yeah, you think, moaning against him, it tastes fucking good.
He spreads you out on your mattress and kisses what feels like every square inch of your body. You giggle at the feeling of his lips behind your ear; moan when they close around your nipple.
Your back arches; little lightning bolts as he pulls the buds to a peak. Your fingers knot through his hair; hissing at the meeting of pain and pleasure between Joelâs lips.
âI love you,â you whisper, when he settles between your legs. You donât know that youâve felt something so true in all your life.
He smiles. Your fingers trace the lines at his eyes.
âCome here,â he says, and pulls your hips to meet his.
You curve a hand around his neck, glancing down at your open legs. âLooks a little different to the last time you saw her.â
Joel shakes his head, licking his lips. âBeautiful, baby. She looks so goddamn beautiful.â
Each movement is careful, deliberate. He notches his tip at your hole and pauses until youâre looking at him again.
And then he pushes in.
He slips an arm under your head; the other holding your thigh on his waist. He kisses you as you stretch around him. He still tastes like salt and slick.
You gasp, teeth gritting around a hiss. âFuck,â you whimper, turning in to his chest.
âEasy, easy,â Joel coos, voice rumbling against your temple. âCatch your breath. Doinâ so good.â
âItâs not sore,â you tell him, nodding for him to move again. âItâsâŠitâs justâŠdifferent.â
âTighter,â he groans, eyes on your cunt as it draws his cock in.
You agree, âTighter.â
He catches you in another kiss, his tongue slipping between your lips. âFeel so good, sweet girl. Breathe. âm right here.â
Itâs never felt like this before. This gentle, this tender.
You have never felt like this before. Broken open, stitched back together. Your heart split into two â whole again each time his body meets yours.
Joel catches your moans on his tongue. He steadies his pace; rocking into you over and over. Laughing against your lips; your fingers intertwined with his.
âFeel good?â he pants.
Your head rolls back. âMhm.â
âTake it, baby. Such a tight little thing.â
âJoel,â you cry, âIâm close.â
His teeth nip at your neck. âShit,â his hips jump, âattagirl. Just like that.â He thrusts into you harder, bleeding the color from your vision.
You pull his lips to yours, foreheads tacky. Joelâs eyes gloss over.
I love you, he breathes.
And the world whitens.
He pulls you against his chest when you come back around. Shifts up the headboard, skin all sticky and warm. He kisses your temples, kisses your shoulders, kisses your knuckles.
You melt into his grasp, turning to look up at him. You run your fingers over his lips, through his damp hair. Just staring. Drinking him all in.
âYou were right next door, the entire time,â you whisper.
He runs a thumb across your cheek. âYep.â
âDo you think we wasted too much time?â
Joelâs lip turns. âNah,â he says. âWe found our way.â
âNeeded a little help, though.â
He scoffs, tongue between his teeth. âIâm sure sheâll hold it against us forever.â
You think of that evening in August. The last bow of the sun before your world changed forever. Of deals struck and promises made. Of satin on your fingertips â newspaper ink and duck egg silk.
You think of that photograph on your mantelpiece. Bright eyes watching every second of it. A smile on her face the entire time.
You laugh to yourself. Joel looks down and kisses your swollen cheek.
âWe should go,â he taps your thigh, âgot a little duck whoâll be wonderinâ where her mama and daddy are.â
The church tower rings out twice as the truck purrs between graves.
Joel pulls up under the shade of a sycamore, tires rolling to a halt. Sarah kicks her feet, her heels thudding against her car seat.
âMama,â she presses a sticky finger to the back window, âflowers.â
âYeah, baby,â you call over your shoulder, hugging your own graveside gift a little tighter in your arms. âLots of âem, huh?â
âYeah,â your daughter quietly considers, then kicks her seat again.
Joel waits patiently for you to give him the go ahead. He slips a hand around your knee, looking ahead at the rows of headstones. So patient, so gentle.
Your chest swells, a deep breath filling your lungs, and you nod. âAlright.â
âSure?â he asks. âTake as long as you want, darlinâ.â
But if you wait any longer, youâll never leave. The paper wrap crinkles in your arms. âYou take Duck,â you reply, âIâll takeâŠâ
Joel lifts your hand, placing a soft kiss between your knuckles. âYou got it. Weâll walk on.â
He leaves you in the truck to collect yourself. He unbuckles Sarah and sets her loose, following her across the grass with his hands in his pockets.
Her light-up sneakers flash as she sprints; head tossed back, toothless smile pointed to the sun. She turns back to her dad, her little hand fitting perfectly into his.
Made for each other.
You hook your fingers around the handle and leave the truck.
Their grave is a short walk down a grassy slope, sheltered by another towering tree. Its leaves flutter down around you as you near the stone; stray petals which catch in the breeze and lead the way.
You kneel down, the grass dry and prickly through your jeans. âHi, Mom,â you whisper, sweeping some dust from the base of the grave. âHi, Dad.â
Your grandma picked this spot. Sheâs long gone â laid to rest elsewhere with a grandfather you never met â so you try to visit as often as you can. Freshen the flowers, brighten up the stone.
It fucking sucks, but someoneâs gotta do it.
You peel the brown paper from the bouquet, exposing the soft colors Sarah picked back in the florist. They fit perfectly on the stone, right beneath the words Devoted parents.
Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, a feeling that wraps itself around your throat and steals any other words â until a flash of pink catches your attention.
âDuckie,â Joel calls, following her between graves. âHey. This is a cemâŠHey, Duck, listen â this is a cemetery, we gotta be â Sarah!â
You stifle a laugh, watching him jog after the hoodie tied around her waist. He swipes for her hand and she dodges him, ducking between graves faster than his mid-fifties joints can turn him.
Thereâs no one else here â itâs only you. And itâs a quiet enough place as it is, so â you let her laugh. Let him chase her, and let her sneakers light the place in pink. What else is there to do?
âSorry itâs been a little while,â you tell your parents, eyes still on your man.
Heâs kneeling now, Sarah on his thigh, in front of a tall, cross-shaped stone. Theyâre pointing at the words on the stone, her inquisitive eyes studying each one.
âI know I said Iâd come visit for Dadâs birthday, but I guess things got busy â what with the move and all. Weâre still living out of boxes. But the girlsâ rooms are almost done â we just gotta paint âem.â
You look back down to the stone. Your momâs name carved deep into spotted marble, your dadâs underneath. One awful date to tie them both together.
Dad probably heard Duckâs first squeal and turned away; gone back to whatever boring activity he might get up to in the afterlife. But your mom, you know for certain, is sat with her chin on the heel of her palm. Watching her mini-me trace the shapes of words, squirming when Joel presses his lips to her temple and whispers hints to her.
Sheâs probably smiling, making some comment about how big Sarahâs getting. How smart she is, how funny. How she must keep you and Joel on your toes â and goddamn, sheâs right.
âJoelâs been working on the kitchen,â you continue. âI left my phone in the truck, but you should see it, Mom. He got these marble countertops, these little brushed-gold handles. He wrote our names on the wall before he tiled it, so whoever remodels after weâre gone will find that. The four of us.â
âM-meh-mem-orr-mem-or-ree?â Sarah tilts her head.
Joel nods. âMemory, yeah. Good job, Duck.â
âDuckieâs good,â you tell your mom. âSheâs top of her class in â well, everything. Really wiping the floor with all the other first-graders. Sheâd have been your favorite â I know that much. And youâd have been hers.
âSheâs gonna be some kind of lawyer, we think. Social justice and all that. She likes to be a woman of the people. Always talkinâ back to Joel â she hardly cuts him any slack, these days,â you laugh.
âHeâs good, too â Joel. Working hard, as usual. Tommy and Maria visited last week â they brought Buckley, and now Duck wonât stop goinâ on about us getting a dog.â
You chance a glance over the stone, making sure the pair are out of earshot when you add, âDonât tell her, but we called the pound last night. Weâre heading there tomorrow while sheâs at school to pick one out for her birthday. Joelâs giddier than I think Sarahâs gonna be.â
Joelâs carrying Duck now, wandering down a wobbly row of graves.
She halts him by pointing to one. âN-eh-v-eh-neverâŠfff-or-g-forââ
He stares at her, a grin breaking across his lips. âSound it out, thatâs it. âs a big word, baby girl. You got it.â
The world seems to blur around them. The birds sing, a light melody from overhead. The green trees sway across the blue of the sky; the straight soar of cars on the highway. It all fades into the background, behind the two of them â wandering from shade into brilliant sun.
Your family. Your man, your blood â and everything in between. The little girl who brought it all together in the end â leading her dad by hand over knolls and broken stone, chasing butterflies, and asking what eh-teh-err-nal means.
âMeans forever,â Joel says, kneeling beside her. ââs how long Iâm gonna love you for.â
âAnd Nel?â
âAnd Nel.â
âAnd Mama?â
âAnd Mama.â
Sarah runs her hands through his beard, swaying side to side. âBut me the most,â she concludes, nodding.
Joel hms, biting back a laugh. He lifts his chin, asks the little girl whether or not heâs going gray.
She has the same ridiculous laugh you do. The same snort you used to find so embarrassing, until you heard it come from her.
Just watching them stokes the already burning fire in your ribcage â the warmth flooding around your heart. Heâs so good at it â being a dad.
Was he ever anything else, before he was a father? You canât remember a time you didnât wake up next to him, wrapped up in his arms, or with one of his kids burrowed between your bodies. It all feels so long ago, now.
He wanted to do everything. Heâd lie with you between his legs, holding your half-sleeping form upright while you fed her. Heâd race home after work specially to bathe her. He picked up any and every single duck-themed thing that he came across.
And what were you? Mom felt like such a fucking longshot. So out of your reach that you couldnât understand the meaning of the word.
But there are days when she says it â Sarah, looking up at you with Joelâs twinkling eyes and a smirk which matches yours â and itâs like youâve been waiting your whole life to hear it. Like youâve been waiting your whole life for her.
Well. Her, and her little sister.
âAnd, uh â another thing,â you say, reaching for the plastic handle of a car seat. âI brought somebody for you to meet.â
A clumsy fist shoots up to shake a speckled dinosaur toy â the brown spheres of its eyes catching the sunlight. She squeals with delight when you unbuckle her, kicks her legs the same way her sister always did.
âSheâs a little nervous, ainât you, Nel?â you whisper, laughing at her gummy smile and tiny, socked feet. âShe spit up on herself on the way here, but â I think youâre gonna love her.â
You perch the baby on your thigh, same as Joel did with Sarah, and she wraps her fingers around one of yours. You wiggle it â waving to your momâs name, to the petals gently fluttering in the breeze.
âMom,â you sniff, âthis is Ellie.â
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True Love's Kiss
Feat. Idia, Azul, Vil
Synopsis: You've fallen under a mysterious sleeping spell. Who can wake you up but your true love?
...
đź Idia Shroud đź
"ME?!"
Idia's shriek resounded through the infirmary before he was hushed by one of the nurses. He shrunk back in his embarrassment and turned back to the cheeky cat that was standing on the infirmary bed next to your sleeping form.
"Yes, you, shut-in. What have you got brimstone on your ears?" Grim scowled at the blue-haired boy who's hair was becoming quite pink with embarrassment. "Who else would kiss my henchman awake?"
"Literally anyone else, maybe?" Idia argued, hiding his face behind the collar of his jacket. "It's always Prince Charming in the stories. I'm about the farthest thing you could find."
"I think you're plenty charming, Idia!" Ortho chimed in with what would have been a smile if he didn't have his mask on. "Who's to say you won't break the spell?"
"I say," Idia groaned, his voice muffled by his jacket. "Aren't there any other cures? I thought Professor Crewel was working on an antidote."
Before Grim could open his mouth, Ortho interrupted.
"Nope! No other cure!" Ortho beamed with glee uncharacteristic for delivering grave news. "I already scanned and if my databases say there's no other cure than there's no other cure and you have to kiss them!"
Idia whined in mortification and buried himself further in his jacket, now almost entirely engulfed by the fabric, except for the tufts of flaming hair sticking out the top.
Grim tapped his paw impatiently, quite fed up with Idia's reservations. Every second you were asleep was a second that your poor, poor kitty boss went without tuna (he couldn't reach the cabinet where you put the cans).
"I could always go get Leona. He's a prince, so it's close enough, yeah?"
"No!" Idia shot up, his hair flared up in red, startling Grim so bad, Ortho had to catch him before he fell off the bed. Idia took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair until it returned to its regular electric blue.
"Don't even joke about that," Idia muttered through gritted teeth. "Makes my skin crawl to think of that grubby jock getting his slimy lips anywhere near Y/N."
"Fine, if you don't want anyone else to do it, then what's the issue?" Grim put his paws on his hips and shot Idia an impatient look. "You like them, they like you, they probably want to kiss you anyway so just hop to it! I'm starving over here!"
Idia snapped up in shock at Grim's words.
"Y/N... likes me?"
Grim scoffed in ridicule and rolled his eyes.
"Duh! What, have you been living under a rock? Oh, wait, you have, haven't you?"
Ortho immediately began protesting Grim's insult. Idia himself might've been offended if he wasn't preoccupied with his overheating brain.
Why in Wonderland would you like him? I mean that was just a ridiculous claim even though both Grim and Ortho seemed to believe it. Not many people even liked being around him much... but then again, you weren't other people.
You were the one who messaged him to go to sleep at midnight after gaming for too long. You brought him snacks and sat in comfortable silence in his dorm while he played video games. You never expected more from him and without realizing it, he has gotten used to having you next to him. It even happened sometimes that he would turn to say something to you while he was gaming, only to find you weren't there. It baffled him how you made your way into his daily routine almost without notice.
"Do they really?" Idia asked softly, catching the attention of both Grim and Ortho who had been exchanging some heated words of childlike manner. "Like me, I mean."
Ortho giggled at his brother's bashfulness.
"Of course they do! They never shut up about you!" Grim huffed, recalling the countless times he'd heard you practically gushing about the vitamin D deficient geek. "No clue why though. Guess Y/N likes 'em pale and sickly."
"I'm not- whatever," Idia didn't really have the fight in him to argue with Grim's impression of him. He took a deep breath and looked at Ortho. "Do you really think it would work?"
"Only one way to find out!" the little robot responded cheerily.
"What if..." Idia gulped. "What if it doesn't work and I just kiss them for nothing? What if..."
"Shut up and pucker up, dracula! I'm wasting away without my henchman!"
That earned Grim a pair of yellow-eyed glares.
Idia collected himself with a deep breath and leaned towards you.
"Nope, nope, nope, this is a bad idea, I can't do this," he panicked, standing up and waving his hands around in anxiety. Grim rolled his eyes and jumped onto Idia's shoulders, pushing him onto you with all the momentum the little creature could muster.
It was effective. Idia toppled forward onto the infirmary bed, catching himself just in time to not crush you, but not before his lips brushed yours.
Idia jumped back, crashing to the floor quite devoid of grace. He, Ortho, and Grim all held their breath, waiting for something to happen.
"Aw, man, our first kiss, and I wasn't even awake for it!"
Idia brightened at the sound of your voice. He jumped back to his feet to see your drowsy eyes locked on him.
"Hi, Charming," you lazily smiled at the blue-haired boy. "Thanks for rescuing me."
Idia's face went slack with shock and his face turned so red you were afraid he might explode.
"Perfect! Now that you're awake, get me tuna, human!"
...
đ Azul Ashengrotto đ
"This is such a bad idea."
Deuce echoed for the nth time since Ace had come up with his little scheme.
"I know but just think," Ace smirked at your sleeping body, which the two were carrying through the Octavinelle dorm, Ace supporting your arms, Deuce carrying your legs, like they were carrying a dead body. "Imagine the look on the prefect's face when they wake up and see Azul They'll probably think they're dreaming."
"Yeah, I think they've had that dream before," Grim scowled from where he rode atop your belly. "Wouldn't be surprised with how down-bad they are for that slimy little junior mafia boss."
"It'll be fine, I'm sure," Ace dismissed, ignoring Deuce's concerned look. "And if anything bad happens, it'll probably be the prefect ending up with a contract, not us."
"That's kind of a terrible thing to say about a cursed person," Deuce pointed out matter-of-factly.
"Pssh, where'd your moral compass come from, huh?"
"From my mom," Deuce spat defensively. Ace was about to respond when they were both startled by a looming figure standing menacingly behind Deuce.
"Well, well, well, what have we here?"
Both first years gulped in fear at the sound of the eel's unison voices.
"Is our poor prefect injured?" Jade frowned though his eyes held a devious sparkle.
"Sort of..." Grim started but jumped back when Floyd grinned at him menacingly.
"We can't have Shrimpy being hurt, now can we?" he flashed his sharp teeth at the sleeping prefect. "We'll take 'em off your hands, fix 'em up real nice."
"Will we get them back?" Ace asked, fearing the answer. Jade responded with a squinty smile.
"That remains to be seen."
"Hey, wait a minute-!" Deuce tried to protest but was cut off when Floyd lifted your limp body with two hands and flung you over his shoulder.
"Careful, Floyd," Jade warned. "We can't have damaged goods."
The unfortunate trio was left to watch as you were hefted into the Mostro Lounge, wondering if they would ever see you again.
Meanwhile, in the Mostro Lounge, Azul was peacefully tallying profits in his office when his door was kicked down.
"What the-" he shrieked. Azul stared in horror as Floyd barged into the room with a body flung over his shoulder. "Did you... Did you actually kill someone this time?"
"Not this time," Floyd responded cheerfully. Azul managed to stand up from his chair right before Jade swept everything off of the polished mahogany desk in front of him.
"What are you doing?!" Azul yelled but was quickly silenced when Floyd set your limp body down on the now-empty desk. "Is that Y/N?"
"Yup!" Floyd said, popping the "p" with a sly smile.
"Are they...?" Azul asked hesitantly.
"Just sleeping, fortunately," Jade responded with a similar grin. "But I'm afraid it's the work of magic. They won't wake until..."
At this point Azul was very concerned. His crush was unconscious on his desk and his business associates were far too smug to have good intentions.
"Until what? Seven's sake, just tell me why you brought them here!"
"Very well," Jade bowed his head in respect that felt more mocking than anything. "The prefect will remain asleep until they are woken up by true love's kiss. It is the belief of myself as well as Y/N own friends that you may be able to fulfill this requirement."
It must have been at least a full minute before Azul spoke again.
Jade waited patiently with a smile as Azul stared in shock and confusion, the gears behind his eyes obviously turning at superhuman speeds.
Azul finally snapped back into his regular businessman persona.
"Well, of course, I am obviously the most qualified candidate to undertake his task," Azul said nonchalantly, though both eels could easily tell it was a front.
"We'll leave you two alone then!" Floyd winked suggestively at Azul, the octopus' calm facade cracking ever so slightly.
Jade and Floyd shut the door to Azul's office and he could hear their laughter through the wood.
Azul took a deep breath and looked at your sleeping form. You looked so peaceful, your forehead free from worried wrinkles and lips devoid of any kind of scowl. Azul was used to being on the receiving end of some of these scowls/ incredulous looks. He couldn't deny he might have deserved some of the scrutiny you gave him, given that he did attempt to trick your friends into contracts so you would have to come visit him to save them. Perhaps if you wanted him to stop, you should stop wearing that adorable pout when you confront him!
You took a breath and Azul stood up so fast it scared him.
"Sevens," Azul muttered, running a hand through his hair. "When did I get this jumpy?"
He looked at you once more, taking in every still detail about you.
"Might as well stare, since you'll never be this calm around me again," he whispered as if he was afraid you would hear him through your enchantment. He sighed contentedly as he stared at your sleeping face.
After only a few seconds, he snapped himself back out of it.
"Stop it, Azul, that's creepy," he scolded himself, taking to pacing around his room. "Though to be fair, kissing someone who is under an enchanted sleep is far more creepy than just looking at them."
He peered at you again. Though it was easy to admire your serene expression, it was uncanny to see your face motionless, without a laugh or groan or yell behind it. Azul took a deep breath and steeled his nerves.
"Even if they hate me forever, it's worth a shot," he quietly hyped himself up. "But isn't it just true love's kiss? There's no way I'm their true love, that would be impossible. They dislike me far too much. But I would never forgive myself if I could have saved them..."
Azul grappled with his inner thoughts for who knows how long, before landing on the conclusion that he should just go for it and kiss you.
"If they do wake up, I'll apologize profusely until they forgive me for kissing them and then possibly draft a marriage contract...?" Azul hit himself in the head to snap himself out of it. "Stop it. Now's not the time to be thinking about that."
Azul took a sharp inhale and turned back to you.
"Oh, screw it!"
He exclaimed and rushed back to his desk, pressing his lips to yours before he could rethink it. It was the slightest kiss, barely even a kiss. Azul wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he had truly taken advantage of you.
He turned away faster than even the brief kiss. He held his breath, trying to notice tiny details about his walls to distract himself from the tension.
"What is... Where am I?"
Azul spun around, eyes wide with genuine shock. Upon seeing you groggily looking around, he straightened and cleared his throat.
When you turned toward the noise, you saw Azul, the absolute picture of perfection he always was. You would never have known he was feeling anything akin to anxiety if it weren't for the nervous tapping of his custom-tailored leather shoes.
"Azul?" You narrowed your eyes, taking in your environment. You were laying on a table, alone in a small room with Azul. "What is this? Don't tell me you finally got the tweels to drug me."
Azul opened his mouth to protest, a bit concerned that you were so used to stuff like that that you just sounded tired instead of worried, but he remembered his gentlemanly guise and rethought his next words.
"Honestly, Y/N, do you really think me so cruel?" Azul smirked, praying to the Seven for an excuse you would buy so he wouldn't have to explain the real situation. "I was not the one who brought you here. You were merely... dumped on my doorstep, shall we say."
"I just remember Ace and Grim screwing around in alchemy and they dropped some dumb potion..." You put together vague pieces of your memory before it clicked. "Ooooh, sleeping potion. I was knocked out, wasn't I? Bit stupid of those idiots to bring me here, but isn't that how they always are."
You jumped off the table as if you hadn't just been passed out. Azul was honestly surprised by your chipperness. You sighed and turned to him.
"So what did you do? What do I owe you?" You looked at Azul expectantly. He blinked a couple times before he felt embarrassing heat rise on his neck.
"I didn't- well I- that is to say-" Azul stared, scrambling for words. Nobody but you could make him this inarticulate. He took a deep breath and collected himself. "You don't owe me. If anything, I should be paying you for recompense."
You furrowed your eyebrows, very skeptical of any supposed kindness coming from NRC's resident schemer.
"What do you mean recompense? What happened?"
"I may have-" Azul coughed, trying to brush off what was so clearly bothering him. "This particular enchantment required-" Another cough. "I believe the particular wording was a true love's kiss. I provided a kiss of such manner. Because of the impropriety of this particular cure, I feel a certain responsibility to compensate you for such lack of consent."
You stared for a long time. Azul imagined that must have been what he looked like when Jade first told him about your condition.
"True love's kiss..." You trailed off, subconsciously bringing your fingers to your lips.
"Yes and I will be happy to provide compensation for emotional or physical damages or- or other."
You looked at Azul incredulously.
"You just told me you're my true love and you think I want money?!"
Azul was quite confused now.
"Do you not want money?"
"Well, I could always use it but at the particular moment, what I really want is for this dumb octopus to come and give me a real kiss."
...
đȘ Vil Schoenheit đȘ
It had been a few hours since you had been unceremoniously dumped on Pomefiore's doorstep. Apparently, some alchemical accident had happened, leaving you magically asleep with no known cure. Crowley had dropped your limp body at Pomefiore and offered extra credit to anyone who could fix you. It only made sense. After all, the Fairest Queen was quite proficient at potions, and so Vil prided himself on the same.
No one else had dared touch you once he spotted your body and glared at them. He had Rook carry you to the makeshift potions lab next to Vil's room. Rook, ever the drama queen, took every step to ensure your comfort while in your enchanted sleep. He set you up on a table with plush pillows and a lacy blanket. Vil thought the flowers Rook had arranged in your hands were a bit excessive but he was more preoccupied with finding a cure.
Vil told himself he was doing it for the extra credit, but really, anyone who knew him knew he didn't need it. Some part of him didn't like seeing you cursed.
For the past two hours, Vil had been rifling through every potion book he had, trying multiple recipes and feeling a little more disheartened every time it didn't work. One of the elixirs he whipped up burned right through his potted fern. He elected not to test that one on you.
Eventually, Vil came upon a book about curse-breaking.
"Can't believe I didn't see this before," he muttered to himself, flipping open the table of contents.
There was only one page on sleep spells. Vil ran his finger over the passage as he read it.
"The only way a sleep spells can be reversed is thought true love's..." Vil interrupted himself with a scoff. "That's ridiculous, that can't be the only way."
He looked over at your sleeping form, clutching your bouquet of flowers. The color was drained from your face and even the shade of your clothes looked grayer. Vil felt a pang of emotion, like a hand squeezing his heart at the sight of you so lifeless.
You were usually so full of life, bringing joy to those close to you. You stayed just out of the limelight, content to support your friends in their shenanigans but having your own fun outside of the public eye. Oftentimes, you took Vil along with you, giving him a taste of what it's like to be treated like a normal person.
It disturbed him so see you devoid of a smile or eye-roll or any sort of emotion that you wore on your sleeve.
No matter what it took, he would find a cure.
"You've already found a cure," Vil imagined you saying to him. "You're just too scared to use it."
"What do you know?" Vil grumbled quietly. Had he really fallen so far he was talking to himself? He wished you were really talking to him, really showing signs of life, even if it was to scold him. "There must be another cure somewhere. I don't care how long it takes me to find it."
"You know true love's kiss is the most powerful thing in the world," Vil's imaginary you said. "There isn't another way. And besides, would you rather me be awake now instead of in the 6 months it takes you to find something else?"
Vil huffed, more annoyed by the fact that he really didn't want to wait than what you were saying.
"Then why don't you tell me how to find your true love, hm? That'll take me longer than 6 months."
His imaginary you just stared at him, blinking pointedly. He stared back, trying to decipher what his psyche was trying to tell him.
"You don't think..." His face fell when he realized what that look meant. "It's not me, believe me."
"Well, some part of you obviously thinks it could be, because I think it could be you and I'm just in your head," you shrugged.
"I refuse," he immediately declared, turning away from where your real self laid. "If you were real, you would not agree. And by the way, who am I to kiss you while you're asleep?"
Vil looked over at your peaceful face and he swore he could see incredulity in your motionless expression.
"Stop looking at me like that, potato. I refuse to kiss you without proper consent."
Imaginary you stared at Vil again, unsettling him more.
"Come now, I don't need this from both of you," he picked up a potion book, pretending to read it.
"You could save me," imaginary you offered, your voice solemn in a way he couldn't imagine perfectly. He'd never heard you that serious. Guilt suddenly hit him in the chest, drawing his attention back to you.
Vil stared at you longingly for much longer than he would have allowed himself if you were conscious. He groaned and walked towards you.
"I want to save you, Y/N," Vil declared wistfully as he stood over you. "I do know if I can be your true love, but Seven, I'm out of ideas."
Vil leaned closer to you and brushed a hair out of your face.
"Maybe I'll be able to do this right one day."
Vil brought his lips to yours gently, barely touching them before he pulled away. He watched your face for any signs of movement. When you stayed stationary, he turned away, trying to shut out his disappointment.
"Honestly, when did I get so delusional?" Vil scoffed, desperately trying to push down his feelings. "In what sort of foolish fantasy do I count as Y/N's true love?"
"Mine, probably."
Vil whirled around, his usual grace abandoned in his shock at hearing your voice in his ears in lieu of his head.
You groaned as you sat up, a bit confused as you examined the flowers you were holding.
"Sorry, that was probably a dumb thing to say," you laughed, shocking Vil with how easily you adjusted to your surroundings. "Though I guess you really are my true love. You can't try to deny it, I've got the receipts."
Vil's lip quirked up at your instant snap back to teasing.
"My word against yours, potato."
...
Buy me a Kofi! â
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