#oh onion Brandi

[paladinbaby]

the hunter & the rabbit

robot rebellion, emily axford / true blue, boy genius / the wee free men, terry pratchett / the house on the cerulean sea, tj klune / i worried, mary oliver / @curseworm / wild geese, mary oliver / @romanceyourdemons / lucy dacus on her song christine / why be happy when you could be normal, jeanette winterson

[Image Description: Ten images of text, mostly black on a white background except the last which is a photo of a book page in low light. The images alternate being one or two to a row.

1: “we can run, we can run, we can run / and it’ll be a race, just you and me / cause they can’t keep up with their metal feet / we can hide, we can hide, we can hide / and you can build a fire in a cave / and i can conjure shadows for a play

cause i am not afraid to die / long as you’re here by my side”

2: “Because it doesn’t matter anymore / Who won the fight? / I don’t know, we’re not keeping score / And it feels good to be known so well”

3: “He said it was better to belong where you don’t belong that not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there.”

4: “When something is broken, you can put it back together. It may not fit quite the same, or work like it did once before, but that doesn’t mean it’s no longer useful.”

5: “Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven, / can I do better?”

6: “im extremely devout but nobody can figure out what im worshipping”

7: “You do not have to be good. / You do not have to walk on your knees / for a hundred miles repenting. / You only have to let the soft animal of your body / love what it loves. / Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. / Meanwhile the world goes on.”

8: “i love when a character has something terrible happen to them and as a result they can only see themself as, essentially if not literally, a ghost. and so that means they only can (and have to) do what ghosts do, ie get revenge and then cease to exist. easy as that. but then halfway through this ghost vengeance they realise hey actually i might still be a human person. with human needs. that’s incredibly inconvenient, considering how much i’ve invested in this whole ghost thing”

9: “She was dating this guy who at the time was just not treating her right, and I played her the song. I was like, ‘I just want you to hear this once. I’ll put it away, but you should know that I would not support you if you get married. I don’t think this is the best you could do.’ She took it to heart, but she didn’t actually break up with the guy. They’re still together and he’s changed and I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel they’re in better place, but at the time it felt very urgent to me that she get out of that situation.”

10: “I was hurt. / It is never too late to learn to love. / But it is frightening.” End ID.]

[magpie-69]

Anybody get stressed about Christmas Dinner ? Read this from a butcher,

I’ve pinched this, but it’s fab!!

😂Just in case anyone is stressing about Christmas Day..............! 😂

Here's my top tip

🎄Christmas Dinner....

I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...

It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!!

The only difference is that you are allowed to open a bottle of wine before you open the kitchen curtains. 🍷🍷🍷

🙄We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!

Here goes...💓

1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!👏🏼

2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shit load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)😜

What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking 😉.

3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....

Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!

I ( nor anyone else I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy 😠😠😠

4. Vegetables...🍆 Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!

5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same 😉.

6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!

(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)

7. Family....

Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!

Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.

And Finally.....

NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!

Rant over 😂

🎄Merry Christmas!🎄

Cheers 🍷🍷🍷 Getting you all in the mood.

(Source: FB)

@texasred43 and all you other Christmas nutters 😁😂😉 🤗😘

[masculinepeacock]

22, 24 & 27 for divine & shania <33

22. How do they feel about the rest of the party?

Divine - she fucking loves most of the party. she has weird feelings about maeve where she wants to be friends so bad but doesnt know how to ask and kind of knows she fucked it up with flint but she was Panicking and she doesnt know how to get back in maeve's good graces and maeve being mad at her kinda like?? felt good?? bc she knew she deserved it. will confuses her (affectionate) bc she doesnt know why he likes her so much or wants to father her. morel also confuses her??? mostly like. hey bestie. what the fuck. she wuvs cass. she hates onion a little bit <333

Shania - SHANIA. oh shania. she's gonna love and mother the party. she Loves cyndi <333 obviously they are so so married and in love

24. If they were the god of anything, what would they be the god of?

Divine - childhood justice <33 Shania - second chances

27. What three songs remind you of them?

(hitting shuffle on their playlists) Divine - Bubblegum Bitch by MARINA; How to Rest by The Crane Wives; and Carried Me With You by Brandi Carlile Shania - NFWMB by Hozier; Femme Fatale by Skylar Gudasz; and Fancy by Reba McEntire

[creacherkeeper]

multiples of 4 for waylon squad <3 pwease

4. what is their comfort food?

waylon: hot chocolate <3

scruggs: borscht!!

lizzie: chocolate chip cookies :o)

kelsey: plain spanish rice

8. what is the most interesting thing that they regularly carry on their person?

waylon: his old wedding ring

scruggs: a leather cord bracelet with five beads on it

lizzie: probably her sword. all her important items are Put Away Safely

kelsey: a cool looking rock and a wax candle from onion they always keep in their pockets

12. do they tend to hold a lot of tension in their body? if so, where?

waylon: not really. he cant feel his body too much anymore

scruggs: not as much as he used to. but i think he clenches his fists when he's upset and they can get achy

lizzie: yeah, a lot. mostly in her shoulders

kelsey: yes <3 their back and legs hurt a lot

16. which member of their family are they the most fond of, if any?

waylon: he loves all his kids but kelsey is. his baby.

scruggs: you could get scruggs to choose between all his sisters over his cold dead body but he. was a mama's boy <3

lizzie: scruggs is definitely the easiest to get along with but she's put the most effort into strengthening her relationship with kelsey and feels really proud of the place they've been able to get to even if it's not perfect. she is. very protective over kelsey <3 which luckily kelsey doesnt mind too much

kelsey: they love both of their siblings but. they are a daddy's girl <3

20. describe one of your favourite rp moments with this character

waylon: he hasn't had a Ton of screentime but i think the fight between him and lizzie that will overheard and then his subsequent conversation with will about brandi <3 just listened to lizzie be like youre not my dad actually so fuck off and then immediately was like. no you can kill brandi actually go for it

scruggs: simply all the him and will being horny on main scenes are so so funny 2 me. horndog ass middle aged men

lizzie: the onion and lizzie catfight <3 and then immediately afterwards giving divine her jacket and rambling about why she likes divine and getting kissed about it. girl had a Day

kelsey: they havent had much screentime (where they actually talked) but as far as their Content probably summer fun day <3 autism creacher on main <3 sister time <3

24. are they good at keeping secrets? does it depend on how big the secret is?

waylon: very much so yes

scruggs: he is <3 not very good at it <3 but will if it's important. he's a lot better at keeping other people's secrets than his own

lizzie: oh she will keep any secret forever and ever

kelsey: they're okay at keeping secrets but mostly because they only talk to their family members. so they Can keep secrets there's just less stakes for them to

28. what is something that helps to comfort them?

waylon: music. it's something he can still enjoy even though he's a zombie

scruggs: making a meal for people he cares about <3

lizzie: her jacket :o)

kelsey: tight hugs!!

32. what emotion do they feel the most often?

waylon: sadness

scruggs: mirth

lizzie: frustration

kelsey: fear

36. are they introverted or extroverted?

waylon: introverted

scruggs: very extroverted!

lizzie: pretty in the middle

kelsey: wants to be around people all the time but only Their People

40. what do they smell like?

waylon: rotten meat and flowery perfumes

scruggs: cedarwood and smokey

lizzie: sun baked clay and honey

kelsey: fizzy and sparkly and lavender

[theblackestnight-ffxiv]

[ffxivwrite2023] prompt 7: noisome

“Tell me you didn’t really eat that goblin cheese.”

D’zinhla drew back, playfully affronted. “Of course I did!” 

Airraim’s brows rose in elegant arches. “You sound surprised I asked in the first place.” Flour clouded her hands and apron, but she had paused in the act of preparing the dough in order to give her partner an interrogative look.

D’zinhla huffed a soft laugh, ducking her head back down to finish cleaning the eel on her cutting board. “You just don’t turn down food like that! I mean, unless that’s part of the custom, like if it’s seen as rude to accept immediately rather than decline as a cultural etiquette standard. However! Goblins don’t adhere to anything of that sort, nor anyone else in the Company of Heroes, so of course I tried it! It would’ve been rude not to!”

Her partner shook her head with a low laugh. “I’d have thought that most spoken races find the pungent aroma too much a deterrent to actually follow through with eating any. Try to bring a bite close and the body just refuses, that sort of thing. So I suppose I thought this was all some sort of prank that goblins were playing on the rest of us.”

“Oh, trust me, goblins are quite serious about their cheese!” D’zinhla emptied the eel trimmings from the cutting board into the stockpot, then retrieved another of her most recent catch to clean. “They wouldn’t go to the lengths they go to, including keeping recipes under lock and key, if this were all just a silly joke to play on uplanders! No, I assure you, they’re entirely in earnest about their cheese. About all their preserved and fermented foodstuffs, for that matter.”

“All well and good for them, I suppose. But you mean to tell me that somewhere along the way, other spoken races encountered goblin cheese and thought, ‘yes, that smells like something edible and good to eat’?”

She grinned. “I do indeed, because that’s what happened! Or, at least, enough uplanders circulated the stories of it, and it came to be a curiosity. You’ve the status-obsessed to thank for that, I assume. Those who wish to display their refined palate or bravery or just how very interesting they are, and make a big fuss over serving it at their fine fancy dinners.” She gestured into the air with her knife. “There’s a few favored presentations that take much of the edge off the smell of it up until the moment it’s truly served, so that the guests can gawk at it without being subjected to its full strength, which would clear out the dinner party far ahead of time.”

“Cowards, then,” she said, as she resumed rolling out the dough. “Tell me, do they also pretend to find it utterly decadent when they eat it? Tell stories of the interesting notes of, of soured brandy and pickled beets with a bit of decayed seaweed?”

D’zinhla giggled. “To tell the truth, I think most of them fake eating any of it.”

Airraim’s tail swished in aggrieved amusement. “All that gil spent to present finely-crafted foodstuffs, only to toss it on the midden. I am not the slightest bit surprised.” A long pause as she lined the baking tin with her pie crust. “So what does it taste like, then?”

“Gods,” D’zinhla said immediately, and there was a melding of horror and awe within her voice as she dredged up the memory. “Like being hit in the face with a sack of rotted onions, and it turns out the sack was made out of a gigas’ sock, and someone tried to wash it in sour milk before using it to store a dodo’s egg for too long.”

A laugh burst from Airraim, far more than her usual low chuckle, and D’zinhla grinned at her victory. “Zinhla, my love, you’re a bard through and through, with an amazing way with words, but I fear I’ve made a grievous mistake. If I call it sufficient, can we put aside this talk of goblin cheese until after we’ve finished making dinner?”

D’zinhla pressed herself against Airraim’s side in place of a hug, her tail briefly wending with her partner’s. “It’s a deal.”

[rabbitcruiser]

National Cheese Fondue Day 

Melt together fine cheeses, butter, and wine and enjoy with your choice of breads, meats, or even veggies on the delicious National Cheese Fondue Day.

National Cheese Fondue Day is a way to celebrate that delicious mixture of cheese and wine that goes oh-so-well with bread, meat, and veggies.

Fondue’s been around as a concept for hundreds of years, but cheese fondue is generally recognized to have come into existence in 1875 when the original recipe was published. Before then there was a dish called “fondue,” but it was more like a scramble, as there were eggs and sometimes truffles (no, not the chocolate kind!) mixed in. While the newer concoction had the two ingredients we see on this day, there was an issue because the sauce was continually trying to separate, requiring extra time and care to make the dish. However, right around 1905 cornstarch was introduced to Switzerland, and solved that problem quite handily.

And thus was cheese fondue created. You can dip bread into it, of course, but also popular are veggies like gherkin pickles, garlic cloves, olives, onions, and more. Some prefer fruits like grapes for a lighter repast. Generally, the fondue is cooked on a stove and then poured into the fondue pot itself when it’s served at the table, where the dipping begins.

While National Cheese Fondue Day does seem to be tied mostly to the restaurant chain The Melting Pot (based in North America, almost entirely in the United States) and a marketing promotion, you can absolutely celebrate this wonderful food all by yourself, or with friends! There are several different traditions that go with eating fondue. One is the eating of the crispy cheese left at the bottom of the pot – it’s called “la religieuse” (“the nun,” in French). The other is the custom of what happens when your cube of bread falls off your fork. Ideally, if a man’s bread falls, he buys a round of drinks for the table, but if it’s a woman’s cube, she has to kiss her table neighbors. You can customize these and create new ones to fit your table and your lifestyle, of course, but those are ones that have been around for quite some time.

Source

All you need is: Grated Fondue cheese, corn starch, white wine, Kirsch (clear, colorless fruit brandy traditionally made from double distillation of morello cherries), garlic and pepper. Please, don’t use the prepared convenience food one!

[ao3feed-hannor]

It's Always Hump Day at Friend Onion in Detrevachol

read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/44062522 by sevdrag (seventhe) Harry du balls Bois is wearing his best camel costume, trying to unite his favorite food trucks to save them from an impending shutdown. Unfortunately, he’s drunk at 10:22 am, and Kim Kitsuragi’s weed of the week is too hardcore. Will he be able to pull it off? An absolute roundhouse of a crossover for Worms' birthday. Words: 10499, Chapters: 1/2, Language: English Fandoms: Disco Elysium (Video Game), Detroit: Become Human (Video Game) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: Gen, M/M Characters: Jean Vicquemare, Trant Heidelstam, Hank Anderson, Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Harry Du Bois, Kim Kitsuragi, Cuno (Disco Elysium), Gavin Reed, Judit Minot, Upgraded Connor | RK900, CyberLife Tower Connor | RK800-60, Jaskier | Dandelion, Ensemble Cast - Character, for so many fandoms im not listing them Relationships: Hank Anderson/Connor, Harry Du Bois/Kim Kitsuragi Additional Tags: If you only read one work by me, please go read Old Vines, don't make it this one, Gift Fic, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack Treated (TOO) Seriously, Illustrated, get detrevachold idiot, at the corner of boogie and woogie streets, Canon-Typical Depression, canon-typical suicidal tendencies, mostly for jean, who can’t go two sentences without wanting to put his head in his own fryer, parts were written while drunk but the magic of DE canon is that you can’t tell which, canon-typical use and discussion of alcohol, meaning like a lot, where by canon-typical we mean sev-typical, as in sev drank hugely inadvisable amounts of brandy and then wrote this fic, Huge - Freeform, balltors, Thick? YES!!!, fossilize me papa, papa (paypal), bones are bones, oh tumblr you thought i was mad before?, make an appointment with your balltor!, Succulent, i had way too much fun with shivers, appreciate me worms, draw me more slutty connor, blame bee. Always blame bee, [kim voice] this is bee’s fault, [kim voice] im balling on your weiner until you onion, or something like that idk i didnt play the game read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/44062522

[brookpub]

Christmas Festive Menu @ The Brook Cambridge

Christmas is right around the corner, and to commemorate the most beautiful time of the year, we're offering you a Christmas festive menu of savory and sweet dishes.

If there is no food, there is no celebration.  Reserve a table at The Brook Pub in Cambridge for a festive Christmas brunch with loved ones or coworkers. If you're planning a party between November 24th and December 24th, 2022, here are some ideas for a festive Christmas dinner. Our holiday menu is listed below for your convenience.

Starters: Christmas Festive Menu

This sweet and silky soup is a terrific way to warm up on chilly winter days. Carrots are an excellent source of fiber, vitamin C, magnesium, potassium, and Vitamin A, and the nutty, buttery flavor complements the sweetness of the vegetable. Cheddar croutons, country bread, and butter are what we use to accompany the soup.

This silky parfait can serve as a New Year's Day appetizer or a light lunch. At the Brook pub, we serve the dish with balsamic vinegar, rocket parmesan salad and toasted rustic bread. Simply ideal for the holiday season.

Classic Crayfish & prawn cocktail is a great new take on a vintage favourite. Your supper will start with this no-cook salad, which tastes best when drizzled with Marie rose sauce, placed above a bed of rocket leaves, and accompanied by bloomy brown bread and butter. Prepared in just 10 minutes and perfect as a party appetizer.

Who doesn't adore tikkies, exceptionally when crafted from the succulent meat of turkey? At the Brook pub, we have some of the best Christmas starts, starting with our delicate turkey tikkies topped with zesty cranberry sauce. Let's enjoy some of the best Christmas starters together.

Main Course: Christmas Festive Menu

A delectable blend of butter and seasonings is used to roast a turkey breast, then served with pan gravy created from scratch. We prepare the turkey at the Brook pub by stuffing it with sage and onion, pigs in blankets, roasted parsnips, and brussels sprouts. Other side dishes include pigs in blankets.

Afterwards, we put the turkey and potatoes in the oven and bake them until the poultry is thoroughly cooked. After it has reached the ideal consistency, we serve it with a flavorful gravy and cranberry sauce.

Who doesn't enjoy a juicy, mouthwatering burger every once in a while? Oh Yes !!! Every one of us enjoys indulging in juicier, crispier burgers daily. We have decided to add one of our most popular burgers, a hand-pressed beef burger. As stuffing, we utilized brie cheese and bacon roasted with maple syrup, served with a sweet potato salad and a spiced cranberry sauce along with the fries.

Our Mushroom and Stilton Wellington dish is an excellent option for vegetarians and mushroom enthusiasts. Sage and onion, roasted parsnips, and brussels sprouts are the ingredients that go into the delectable filling. After that, the turkey and potatoes are roasted in the oven, which is ultimately served with savoury gravy and cranberry sauce.

The oven-roasting gives Tandoori a somewhat burnt, dry skin, but the meat inside is still tender and moist. Broccoli, kale, and brussels sprouts are great examples of seasonal vegetables that go well with this dish, as are mashed potatoes and roasted parsnips.

We offer Tandoori roasted poussin with Bombay-style potatoes, sauce, and seasonal vegetables. The smoky aftertaste from the charcoal is the perfect finishing touch.

Finally, we've reached the dessert course, everyone's favourite part of the Christmas meal.

Desserts: Christmas Festive Menu

A traditional British Christmas dinner is not complete without a Christmas pudding. In contrast to American puddings, Christmas pudding is a deep, dark sponge made of dried fruit, candied fruit peel, apple, and citrus zests. The brandy and spices give it its trademark flavour and colour: rich, complex, and dark.

We at the Brook Pub serve it with Brandy cream sauce, and we bet you will love it !!

Cheesecake is a delicious dessert with one or more layers. The primary and thickest layer combines eggs, sugar, and soft, fresh cheese like cottage cheese, cream cheese, or ricotta. Crushed cookies or digestive biscuits, graham crackers, pastry, or even sponge cake may be used to make the crust or base of a dessert. You can bake a cheesecake or leave it uncooked.

These chocolate orange truffles, which are the perfect sweet treat for after dinner, are plentiful, velvety, smooth, rich, creamy, and delicious. We use only four components that come together to form this decadently sweet dessert, which they contain. When our visitors are served some of these delectable Chocolate Truffles, watch how quickly they are consumed.

The French profiteroles, which are bite-sized pastries, are made with choux pastry dough, the same flaky pastry used to make éclairs and cream puffs. Profiteroles come in circular shapes. Pastry chefs in France use various fillings, ranging from savoury mousse to sweet custard, to fill profiteroles.

Most children like consuming these bite-sized French pastries all at once, we fill the Profiteroles with chocolate sauce before serving them.

If you want to celebrate Christmas with your coworkers, family, or friends between November 25th and December 24th in 2022, you have exclusive use of the Outdoor garden space. Out Beyond Alice will have a live performance on December 17th 2022, at 20:30 local time at The Brook Pub near Mill road in Cambridge.

We have created a special Christmas Day menu to help you celebrate this joyous holiday with your loved ones and friends. You can have a three-course meal for  £59.99  and a two-course meal for  £ 49.99. For children under the age of 10, there will be a  £ 35.00 fee. We will host a Christmas lunch at the Brook Pub in Cambridge from noon to 5 o'clock.

There is no end to the Christmas festivities until midnight on New Year's Eve. Both of these celebrations add great happiness to our lives, so we begin making plans for them immediately. We invite you to join us for an unforgettable New Year's Eve celebration at the Brook Pub in Cambridge. The celebration will get underway at 20:30 and run until 12:30 a.m. DJ Leeno will have you dancing with his selection of favourites from the disco, house, and club genres. Anyone who wants to join us must pay a £ 5  entrance charge.

You should get started on organizing your Christmas and New Year's Eve celebrations if you haven't already done so. Celebrate the holiday season and the arrival of the new year with us at the Brook Pub, widely considered to be Cambridge's best Pub.

[mischievous-misdirection]

A lively Germa was something Yorin never thought she'd see. Real celebration outside of stuffy holidays and the like was refreshing.

There was no way she could begin to keep up with the brother's drinking and instead chose to sip at her cocktails throughout the night once the first relaxing buzz  took hold. Yonji, bless his heart, was good and sloshed when she came to check on him again; the eldest brother's lingering looks more shameless than ever. Rousing him from his stooper would be a challenge and given his terrible sleeping habits when sober, sharing a bed with him tonight may be more difficult.

Sighing, they round the circular couch the brothers had posted up on to share their merriment and doubles down on shaking the big onion awake. "Yonji, I can just leave you here." She chuckles in his ear, coaxing his slipping attention with a hand on his thigh but it wasn't as effective as she hoped.   

Spotting a flash of red from the corner of her eye, she’s almost relieved when the responsible brother ambles over. "Oh, Ichiji good, you can help me get this big gorilla to-" alertness takes over their brain first, body freezing at the rightfully unexpected contact. His whiskey mixes well with brandy and fresh fruit juice that lingers in her mouth, the hints of sweetness in both enough to prompt soft lips to open slightly, clever tongue sliding along the seam of Ichiji’s lips before pulling back to break the kiss. Hooded eyes can’t begin to hide her amusement, red lipstick now staining whiskey scented lips. 

Licking her thumb she cups his cheek and drags the digit across his lower lip, makeup stubbornly clinging to his skin. “Mm, you’ve probably had enough.”

kiss roulette @mischievous-misdirection asked: 🎲 bullying ichiji hours

#40 An impulsive kiss

He probably should've stopped drinking a long time ago when a buzz was beginning to form and cloud his thoughts. But it'd been so long since he ever let his inhibitions go for once and tonight called for celebration of a high order. Military achievement had regained noble interest in Germa since its reputation was damaged with the world government and so the future would appear to be brighter for them.

So it was on this rare occasion that Ichiji found himself suitably drunk. His siblings were likely in the same state if not worse judging by Yonji's near passed out form, but he wasn't paying attention to them at all. No, it'd been a while ago since he'd been sneaking glances at a certain woman all night.

For what reason he could not decipher in his whiskey riddled brain but there was something about her tonight that attracted his attention where otherwise he'd be dividing it equally elsewhere. He didn't even care if he was caught as he continued to nurse his drink whilst attempting to conjure a thought or plan within the depths of his brain fog.

Getting irritated with that he instead leant on suppressed instincts to guide his actions seeing as he no longer held total control of himself any longer. And it was fine then to act seeing as no one else was quite in a state to overanalyze or judge him for it. It takes him a few good heaves to lift himself out of his seat unsteadily before he makes a beeline straight into a decision he'd likely scream at himself for in the morning.

Off balance motions were still calculated as without any warning or preamble at all, he was stooping low to press a kiss on lips that had been the star of his most recent thoughts and memory. Hopefully Yorin didn't mind too much how he almost headbutted her to do so.

[outivv]

— songs that remind me of genshin characters —

Warnings: some songs may have sting language! (I don’t think any of the songs have any cursing... but I can’t remember...)

Characters: xiao, albedo, Venti, zhongli, and Diluc, childe, Dainsleif, Scaramouche, and kaeya (I’ll do a part 2 with other characters!!!)

A/n: hello everyone! I am extremely bored and don’t know what to write so... take whatever this is :D. I hope you enjoy, even though it’s not typically what I post, but still. And have a good day/afternoon/evening! ❤️

xiao —

‘washing machine heart’ mitski

‘Jealous’ eyedress

Albedo —

‘Love like you’ Caleb hyles

‘I hear a symphony’ Cody fry

Venti —

‘It’s tough to be a god’ annapantsu, Elsie lovelock

‘Curses’ the crane wives

‘Fairytale’ Alexander rybak

Zhongli —

‘Butterfly’s repose’ zabawa

‘The flower garden’ Joe hisaishi (Doesn’t have any words but it’s just really calming and reminds me of zhongli)

Diluc —

‘I know those eyes/ this man is dead’ Thomas borchert, Brandi burkhardt

‘Murders’ miracle musical

‘Hazy shade of winter’ Gerard way, ray toro (I don’t know why this song reminds me of him? But when I was thinking of any other songs this one was the first that popped into me head?)

Childe —

‘BITE’ troye Sivan

‘The edge’ paincland

‘Obsessed with you’ the Orion experience (I can’t explain this one... and it’s not like “oh yeah this obviously it’s him” but it oddly fits his vibe...?)

Kaeya —

‘Meant to be yours’ Ryan McCartan, barret wilbert weed, Michelle Duffy (to any heathers fans out there... you’re cool.)

‘Sweetie little Jean’ cage the elephant

‘Supermassive black hole’ muse (yes that one kaeya edit is just... yeah)

Dainsleif —

‘Outrunning karma’ Alec benjamin

‘Sinners’ barns Courtney

‘Animal’ sir Chloe

Scaramouche —

‘Onion boy’ Isaac Dunbar

‘My axe’ insane clown posse (sometimes I forget that the fatui kill people... this song is more of a reminder of that do idk why but reminds me of Scaramouche)

‘Seven nation army’ the white stripes

[manikas-whims]

Turmeric Milk

A sequel to my other Kanej fic Holi

[Read on AO3]

Ship: Kaz Brekker X Inej Ghafa

Summary:

Modern AU

Kaz had told his neighbour Inej that he'd call up his doctor friend to get his wounds treated but she stills decides to check up on him.

And with a weird drink at that..

Note:

I've decided to turn this Modern AU into a series.

Hope you enjoy this one as well ♥

Kaz rouses from his slumber due to the noise of the cellphone buzzing and sits up, accidentally hurting the wound on his chest. He represses a hiss and looks around, finding himself on his living room’s couch. The wall clock that his eyes land on, make him realize its past seven at night. Great, sleeping at odd hours. Pushing off the duvet, he scrambles to his feet, a jolt of ache shooting through his bad leg. Immediately, he seeks purchase in the arm of the couch, taking deep breaths to help himself endure the ache.

His phone buzzes again and he picks it up in annoyance. ‘W. Van Eck’, the screen reads and Kaz sighs, receiving the call.

“What happened?” He grunts out.

He can hear a loud huff from the other end. “You know Kaz, those shouldn't be your words to initiate a phone conversation.”

He rubs his eyes, trying to bite back the string of colorful words at the tip of his cursed tongue. “What do you want, Wylan?”

There’s a long pause. “Jes and I wanted to check up on you.”

“I’m doing quite alright.” He grits out as calmly as possible.

“Listen Kaz, if you need–”

“I’m not a child Wylan. I can take care of myself.” Kaz reminds him. He likes his crew because they do their jobs perfectly well but thats all he expects of them. His health and personal lifestyle is none of their concern.

“..kay, I understand. Rest well.” Wylan mumbles and disconnects the call.

With that, Kaz tosses his cellphone to the couch and limps towards his bedroom. Its about time he takes a much needed bath and orders his dinner.

By the time he’s done, he changes into another pair of trousers and lets his towel dangle around his neck. There's several drawers in the side rail of his bed. He crouches down to open the middle one and rummages out a first aid kit from within.

Grabbing his cane from the mattress, he walks out to the living room. Immediately his eyes take note of the duvet falling off his couch and the half-filled bottle of brandy but he chooses to ignore them. He’s not in the mood for tidying up. He simply picks up his cellphone and places an order for hutspot from the Kooperom, a diner nearby. It should take around twenty minutes to arrive and as such, he decides to address his injuries.

He sits heavily onto the couch, placing his cane in his lap and pulls out a roll of gauze and a flask of liquid disinfectant. Dousing a cotton pad in the disinfectant, he starts swiping the cut that trails diagonally from the right side of his chest down to his navel, just like he'd done earlier in the morning. That punch to his face had blinded him for a moment and another Razorgull took advantage of that. The teeth of that man’s knife tore so callously through his skin that Kaz winces several times during the whole cleansing. Finally as his hand reaches for the gauze roll, the dinging sound of the doorbell interrupts him.

The food delivery guy can’t make it this quick. A single father and his son run the whole diner by themselves. The thought makes Kaz gaze uncertainly at the door.

The bell rings again and this time Kaz stands up with his cane. He takes slow steps, snaking out a revolver from behind a painting next to the door and then turns the knob.

“Ohh God!” a feminine voice shrieks, making Kaz flinch.

His deep, coffee irises clash with a pair of dark brown ones and he scowls. Its none other than his next-door neighbour— Inej Ghafa. She’s forgone her shimmering traditional garbs and is sporting a set of faded blue silk pajamas. Her long, flowing hair has been pulled together in a single braid. And she has a small jar full of something yellow in her hands.

“The hell!?” He grits out.

She flushes at the sight of his bare torso as she speaks, “I just came by to check up on you.”

Really? Kaz lets out an exasperated sigh and glares at the jar of the unknown yellow. His lips curl in memory of that excessively-sugary Indian sweet that she had shoved in his mouth this morning. He’s not falling for her words again.

Her own eyes follow his and she smiles, lifting the jar higher. “Ah yes! I brought turmeric for you.”

He scrunches his nose in suspicion. “I don’t think I need it.”

She rolls her eyes. “Says the man with a gun.”

Exactly! And she must be scared of this sight. Not strike jokes about it. But he has to admit he’s quite pleased that she’s mentioning the gun instead of commenting on the cane in his other hand. She doesn't even flash a single pitiful glance like the others who come across him do.

“Anyways, may I come in?” She waits patiently.

“For what?” He asks.

“To make you a glass of turmeric milk.” She states, as if its the most normal thing to do for a neighbour.

“Again, I don't need that.” It feels like arguing with a saleswoman.

“But its good for health.” She informs wisely and her eyes stray towards his chest. “And it'll help you heal faster.”

He quirks a brow incredulously. “Fantastic! Just what I needed. Give me the jar and I'll make it myself.”

“Just like you said you'll call you doctor friend?” Her eyes rove pointedly over the injured state of his chest and she shakes her head. “I think I should do this myself.”

Kaz gulps. He knows he will regret this later. Yet something tells him that rejecting her hospitality will only make her more persistent. And its not like his significant belongings just lie around the house. She won’t be able to figure-out anything about him. Yeah but what kind of a sane guy greets a neighbor with a gun? He dismisses the thought instantly. Maybe she’ll just make her energy drink and leave. Maybe she won't consider him a sociopath at all.

“Come in.” He slides the gun in his pocket and opens the door wider.

Inej neatly puts her slippers in the shoe-rack before following Kaz into the living room. While he resumes his task of bandaging his wound, she watches quietly, making him feel self-conscious for the first time since he was fourteen. Now that he isn’t focused on interrogating her, he is unable to be as nonchalant as he had been minutes ago.

“Your job sure keeps you entertained.” She remarks. “I thought your line of work didn’t allow action to this..severity.”

Kaz regards her curiously. He isn’t sure he’s aware of what she’s talking about. Is she a spy from another rising gang? Is she vaguely suggesting she knows about his position in the Dregs? His hands twitch as they tie the gauze.

“You are a Private Investigator, afterall.” She adds.

Oh. Kaz nods in relief. Of course she's talking about his cover job. She probably learnt this as well from the building management.

“Ye-Yeah..things do get messy sometimes.” He confesses imprecisely and starts returning the disinfectant, cotton pads and the remaining gauze into the kit. He needs a shirt. He's never felt so nervous in a woman's presence.

Thankfully, she ends the awkward moment for the both of them. “I..I should start on that milk. If your apartment has the same layout as mine, the kitchen should be the next room from the gallery?”

He nods once and picks up his cane, heading ahead of her in the direction of his bedroom.

Upon his return, and with a shirt on, he notices the absence of his brandy from the table. A package with Kooperom's logo sits in its place. His duvet has been folded neatly, resting on one end of the couch. And his neighbor is standing in the center of the living room, a glass of yellowish, creamy liquid in her hand. He’s assuming its the “turmeric milk”.

“So uh..a delivery man came by just as you left.” She gestures to the package and continues, “I’ve put the turmeric jar on your kitchen counter. Just add a spoonful to your milk daily and you'll be back in shape in no time.”

She strides towards him and pushes the glass into his free hand. “Goodnight, Mr. Brekker.”

And just like that..she’s gone. What’s with her swinging by and departing so abruptly?

Kaz locks the door and sits by his folded duvet. Its interesting how she managed to clean this room within the few minutes he was gone.

He unpacks the food, picks up a fork and takes a bite of the meat from the hutspot. Fulfilling as ever. He takes another bite and looks at the glass in his hand. Reluctantly, he brings it to his lips and takes a sip, bracing himself for another weird experience. To his surprise, it tastes alright. And strangely enough, his muscles do ease a bit. Maybe having neighbors isn't all that bad.

Hutspot: a traditional Dutch dish of potatoes, carrots and onions. Sometimes meat is served as a side dish with it.

Turmeric: a spice regularly used by Indians in their cuisine. Its said to be a natural antiseptic.

Turmeric Milk: drinking milk with turmeric is good for health. even gargling with turmeric water (hot) is good for throat.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed reading this..:3

.

Read more Soc Fanfics, Headcanons & AUs here

(divider by @firefly-graphics)

[sw124]

Monster Boyfriend!Reader insert!

Female Reader! Shadow boyfriend.

[The reader is nicknames are Angel by the boyfriend and Bo by everyone else]

Another day, another chewing out by your asshole of a boss who as usual promoted the skinny collage girl over you; despite the fact you worked at this office for over five years and kept it running! In your opinion your boss was a misogynistic piece of garbage who believed all woman had the minds of toddlers, that and their only purpose was to be servants/playthings/baby factories to all men. The only reason he promoted this new girl was because he was looking for new eye candy.

It was just your boss who shared this view however, the other members of the office didn’t share their views. All of them were married and had kids, you could feel the unease when the boss made filthy jokes about someone’s daughter…especially when that daughter was only thirteen years old.

The father of this girl was your friend and neighbor Roy, he was tempted to punch his boss senseless but at the moment he couldn’t afford to. He just found out he and his wife were expecting baby number two, his wife worked from home but he always believed in having a safety net.

[Lunch break]

You sat down by Roy and Trevor, he was from accounting and pretended to be a bachelor when he actually dating a very nice young person, they preferred not to be labeled with a gender.

“Hey Bo, heard the boss yelling at ya; what was it about this time?” Asked Trevor opening his lunchbox.

“The account he assigned to the new girl was lost and he’s blaming me despite I had no part in its loss. He just wants to get on the girls good side so he can try an sleep with her…” you mumbled as you pulled out your own lunch.

You weren’t skinny, you were round with curves and a belly. This lead to many comments from your boss but you brushed them off, especially when you got home cooked lunches from your boyfriend. Today’s lunch was as beautiful as before, he got into making those character bento lunchboxes he saw on tiktok. Today’s lunch was fried chicken meatballs with rolled up omelet and little rice balls. The meatballs were decorated to look like hedgehogs, the little rice balls made to look like penguins and the omelets were speckled with green and filled with cheese.

“Lee went all out on that didn’t he?” Retorted Roy with a chuckle, his lunch was a grilled panini he ordered from the shop next door.

“He loves to cook and I love eating his cooking.” You smiled as you chowed down into his creation.

There was a small avocado salad on the side with diced raw onions and a small squirt of hotshots on it. It was a interesting combination but it actually worked out well.

You were about to dig into this salad when your boss walked in, so begins his usual walk around the tables giving comments on everyone’s choice of lunches. Mocking men who didn’t have properly made lunches by their wives or joked about being bachelors. You finished the penguin rice balls when he came your table.

“An what has this group prepared hm?” He leaned over Roy and his sandwich. “Wife not making you lunch anymore, what you two get into a fight again?”

Ugh; you hated how he smirked every time he put someone down, he looked over at Trevor. His lunch was simple homemade steak and cheese wrap his partner made.

“Huh, thats surprising; most single guys don’t know how to cook, where’d you buy that?” Trevor was about to answer but the ass turned to you and eyed your lunch. “Well what does the pig have today? Something that looks decent, bet it tastes like shit though?”

He reached for your food, Roy was the one who pulled it away from him. “Sir, need I remind you that the last time you took someone’s food the CEO of the company came down here to scold you?”

Your boss glared at him but backed off, yes he literally took someone’s food from them and was reported. He managed to play it off as a misunderstanding but it didn’t stop the CEO from chewing him out.

“Fine, let the pig eat her slop.” With that your boss left.

“Thanks Roy…” you sighed, this was going to be a long day…

[A few hours later]

Finally it was time to leave, three’o clock, you got all your things and bolted for the elevator. You made it in time too, you knew your boss came looking for stragglers to do extra work. The doors closed just as he walked into look for anyone; preferably you. But you escaped, you learned when and how to avoid him near the end of the day.

Now piled into your car you, Trevor and Roy all heading back to the same apartment building you shared. Trevor lived on the fourth floor of the apartments while you and Roy were on the second floor, he lived in the apartment across the hallway from you and your boyfriend. You said goodbye to them and walked into your apartment, the money you made was good despite your boss.

You composed yourself before hand and as you were closing the door…you saw your shadow growing, it grew larger, bulkier and once it reached a hight of 9ft…three bio-green eyes appeared; feral and happy.

“Welcome home Angel.”

His large clawed hands picked you up and cradled you in those burly arms, the term ‘broad chest’ didn’t do your darling justice. He had hair but it was so molded to his body it almost looked like a helmet minus the part that hung off. He had what you called an inverted pixie bob, he nuzzled you and peppered your cheek with little kisses. He didn’t have a visible mouth, nose or ears but that only added to his charm.

“Hi Caine, I’m so happy to be home. Lunch was soooo good, I loved those little penguins you made.”

You watched those eyes of his turn into stars as he hugged tightly, you hugged him back….oh you needed this. You needed ‘him’ right now more then anything, just him and his big arms hugging you.

“I’m making pizza tonight, I figured it’d be cheaper then buying it.” He whistled.

“Ooh that sounds good.” You whined happily.

You only had your eyes closed for a moment before you found yourself in your bedroom. He sat you on the bed and proceeded to remove your shoes, what on earth did you do to get a guy this awesome?

“Oh, so you know; Brandy called me and told me about your company throwing a family picnic!”

Right…the picnic, another excuse for that ass of a boss to mock everyone’s lifestyle and show up his wealth. You smiled at him, he loved picnics and meeting all the people you worked with. No way were you gonna say no, but that didn’t mean you weren’t gonna try and stay as far away from your boss as possible.

“Its gonna be a potluck kind of picnic so lets make something yummy together hm?” You smiled as you stood back up and changed into your comfy clothes.

He squealed with glee and whisked you back up into his arms, dinner was delicious and so was dessert. Just simple store bot gelato but still good, the two of you sitting on the couch bing watching documentaries and internet cat videos.

[two weeks later]

The weather was perfect, there was a nice light breeze and there were clouds, lots of them. White, fluffy clouds that casted shadows to shield you from the sun from time to time. Not that it was terribly hot, warm but not hot. You and Cain parked the car under a tree and got out, the company picnic was being held at the local park near the river. It was a very nice place, already you saw many of your co-workers here.

Cain had already delved into your shadow, not out of fear but it was easier to move around crowds. You already saw a few other co-workers who brought their spouses. Mark from HR was one of the few you knew who was dating someone who wasn’t human, his girlfriend was the same height as Cain but unlike Cain she was more mammalian. She was what many called a ‘wendigo’ but she had more of a wolf appearance mostly due to her skull face; her name you recalled is Sophie.

You and Mark had that in common, the two of you love large, adorable creatures that could crush you in their embraces. You watched Mark talk as Sophie filled a plate with ribs and handed them to some other co-workers. You walked over, greeted her and sat down two large bowls. One had your famous fruit salad while the other had Cain’s spicy garlic Parmesan chicken wings.

Cain was about to come out to say hello when everyone was silenced by the tapping on a microphone.

“Everyone, thank you all for coming! I’m so thrilled to see everyone’s bright faces here!”

You gritted your teeth…it was your boss, here it comes. He did this whenever possible, bringing people up and passively insulting them for whatever reason an pass it off as a joke. Well today he was bringing couples up and joking, he already had Roy up there and joked about his family. It was clear Roy wanted to punch the guy’s lights out an you didn’t blame him.

“Thanks Roy for being a great sport, up next…why our own Ms. Bo!”

Well crud..it was your turn, you felt Cain gripping your shoulder but you had no choice. You patted the invisible hand and walked up onto the stage, you saw how he leered at you.

“Well everyone, here she is Miss Bo. Where’s your boyfriend, oh I’m sorry dear I guess the rumors are true men don’t like chubby little bitches like you.”

Uh oh…now he didn’t, you watched your shadow shift and move, steadily growing behind your boss as he continued.

“Any single men out here wanna plow this porker? No? Well thats to be expected, lots of smart men know to stay away-“ the mic was yanked out of his hand, he spun around…only to be face to face with three murder colored eyes.

You reached an took the mic. “Sir, I’d like to introduce you to Cain, my beloved boyfriend of four very happy years. We met in middle school, started dating in collage. Thats all you need to know….Cain put him down please.”

You didn’t need to look, Cain had your boss by the scruff of his shirt, dangling him over the edge of the stage….he relented and sat him down; he turned and took the mic from you.

“An for the record; you call my girl anything other then her name…well..” he exposed his rarely seen mouth, inside were rows of razors ready to tear him apart.

“The last thing you’ll be seeing are these.”

You refrained from saying anything..especially about your bosses soiled trousers.

[later, after the picnic]

Back in your apartment, cuddled on the couch; sitting in his lap with a box of macarons and other sweet treats. You look up at Cain who still seemed a little mad from what he heard.

“Honey its ok, the boss got fired for what he said and we’re getting a new one, its all thanks to you.” You give him a kiss, that seemed to melt the grump off.

“Yeah, though I’m still upset that you went through all those nasty things…”

Oh no the puppy eyes…the sad ‘mama I need love’ puppy eyes. He always got his way when something happened. Last time he did this was when you had you wisdom teeth taken out and you were in pain.

“I know but you know what?”

Cain looks down at you.

“What?”

“You made it worth it, every day I’d come home to the best thing nature ever created.”

You saw stars dance in his sweet eyes as he hugged you tightly, for the rest of the night was filled again with cat videos and documentaries until the two of you slowly drifted off to sleep, you safely tucked into his loving embrace.

End.

[so you know all of this was inspired by the drawings of @semisolidmind and her monster boyfriend series oooh their sooo cute! Semi I hope you like this you inspired this!]

[askwhatsforlunch]

Ruth’s Roast Goose

“‘Well,’ said Phryne expansively, taking another slice of breast, ‘that was the best goose in all the world.’

‘Never tasted better,’ beamed Miss Eliza.

‘Delicious,’ agreed Lady Alice, holding out her plate for more goose, brussels sprouts (and who would have thought they did taste that good with chestnuts? Even Jane had eaten some, Ruth marvelled, resolving never to doubt her texts again), potatoes, gravy, chestnut stuffing and peas. Ruth was delighted. not by the spoken compliments, though they were very nice, but by the second and even third helpings everone was asking.

Oh, I’ve longed to have a roast goose at Christmas for ages! Ever since I saw this old Sherlock Holmes episode where one of this birds had ingested sapphires... or other precious gems! I’ve wanted a Victorian Yuletide for years, and even more so when I read how the otherwise thoroughly modern Miss Fisher feasts in Kerry Greenwood’s Murder in the Dark! Well, there is heaps of outrageous partying in Roaring Twenties Werribee in this novel, but Christmas Day for the St. Kilda household is rather traditional, although Phryne’s guests, her socialist sister The Honourable Eliza Fisher, and her girlfriend Lady Alice, are not. And Ruth is happily in charge of the kitchen. So, it might just be the two of us this year, but I made Ruth’s Roast Goose, with all the sides, I flambéed a deliciously moist Pudding and made a pavlova where the velvety cream contrasts with sharp and tangy fruit, I sang carols, and Jules and I had a very merry feast indeed! Happy Christmas again, and I hope you all have a wonderful Boxing Day!

Ingredients (serves at least 6):

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 onion

1 sprig fresh rosemary

350 grams/12.35 ounces good quality pork sausage

250 grams/1 cup cooked chestnuts (bottled, canned or sous-vide)

1/2 teaspoon freshly cracked black pepper

2 tablespoons brandy

1 Spring onion

4 sprigs flat-leaf parsley

1 (3.5-kilo/7.70-pound) fresh goose

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 freshly cracked black pepper

nutmeg

Heat olive oil in a large, deep skillet, over medium-high heat.

Peel onion, and chop finely. Add to the skillet and fry, a couple of minutes. Remove leaves from the rosemary sprig, and chop finely. Stir into the skillet. 

Remove sausage casing, and add sausage meat to the skillet. Cook, stirring often, until browned. Stir in chestnuts. Cook, 3 minutes. Pour in brandy, and reduce heat to medium. Cook, crushing the chestnuts slightly with the back of your wooden spoon, to mash them a bit. Remove from the heat.

Finely chop Spring onion and parsley, and stir into the sausage mixture. Let cool completely.

Preheat oven to 240°C/465°F.

Remove pockets of fat inside the goose. Season the inside and outside of the bird with salt and black pepper. Grate a little nutmeg on top, rub the seasoning gently all over, and stuff with the chestnut and sausage stuffing. Tie the legs with twine, if necessary, so the stuffing doesn’t spill out.

Sit stuffed goose into a large roasting dish, and place in the middle of the oven. Cook, at 240°C/465°F, 10 minutes. Then, reduce oven temperature to 190°C/375°F, and cook, 1 hour and forty-five minutes*. Regularly baste the goose with its fat, which will seep from the roasting bird steadily. Be careful as it will be piping hot. Collect some of the fat in a bowl each time you baste it, and use it to make Ruth’s Roasted Potatoes.

Once cooked, carefully remove from the oven, and cover with foil. Let sit, a quarter of an hour, before serving and carving.

Serve Ruth’s Roast Goose with  Cranberry-Apricot Sauce, Ruth’s Roasted Potatoes and Brussels sprouts sautéed with chestnuts and bacon, and feast merrily!

*count half an hour of roasting per kilo (2 pounds)

Goose Fat: Once the roasting juices and fat have cooled, place the roasting tin in the refrigerator, covered with cling film. The following day, remove from the refrigerator and, with a tablespoon, gently scoop out the white goose fat and spoon it into a clean, sterelised jar, making sure not to scoop the congealed juices of the goose. Close tightly, it will keep for a few months (up to six) in the refrigerator, and will make delicious Roasted Potatoes!

[cruecifymesixx]

Love and Leather /part sixxty five/

Word Count: 10k

A/N: Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! I’m about to get trashed tomorrow night to make up for my lack of christmas spirit! Enjoy! Because I’m about to fuck it up again!

Warnings: Language, angst for like a brief second, fluff and sexual innuendos 

Taglist:  @brideofdraculana , @xstarryeyes , @aryssav , @miserablecunt  @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol , @fandomshit6000, @anntheboneless​ @venus-calum​, @justjodeye,  @are-we-real, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland​, @awesomealmostdopestudent,  @romanticvengeance , @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @rockersbox, @brooklyn-antiques, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @lilytalebi, @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream, @lunamadhatter99, @broke-n-bitchy @thanks2pete, @slowandangry, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @swoopygorl, @motherloovebone, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001, @wheresmyvodkabitch, @waywardprincess666, , @iluvmesomemarvelndc, @zoenicoles, @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @primal-screamer @electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @miss2001babe, @nassauartist , @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120 @xrosegoldwolfx, @cranberribread, @lauravic, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe,  @kellysimagines @thoughtsoftheantagonist @marvelismylifffe, @sleepyjunhong @lovemythsworld @meetthesixxter @sparxx27 @gingerspicetalks @kaitieskidmore1 @unknownoblivion @siliwanoel @nevergoodenuffbutokaaayyy @sublimeprincesswasteland @kylieinwonderland @haileynicoleseavey17 @lavendersoundbarrier, @duffshairdye, @xpoisonousrosesx, @m0rnlngstar, @oskea93, @love-struck-aries, @idumpyourgrass, @minxtruck, @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @cruesixxlover1991, @arianareirg, @fentitrbl, @dogmom2014, @sinningsixx, @motleycrueprincess 

“I have a delivery for Miss Vanity Blackwood?”

“Van! It’s for you!”

I put down the laundry basket, messing with Arianna’s hair as I walked past her to get to the front door, “Oh! These are gorgeous!” I smiled at the pink and violet roses that had a mix of baby breath sprinkled throughout the blooming flowers. He also handed over a white box with a silk red bow wrapped around it before giving me a paper to sign, “Thank you!”

I set the flowers down on the table, next to the other flowers that have been accumulating for the last few days. Nikki had been going out of his way with grand gestures, I told him it wasn’t needed but he is adamant about it. So, I’m trying to be appreciative of it.

“Five bouquets of flowers in the past three days.” Clementine groaned as I looked at all of them. I think the orange and purple carnations with the white tiger lilies are my favorite, “Not even your favorites-“ Clementine tsk’d as I rolled my eyes, “For someone that is suppose to know you, he really misses the mark....the candy’s good. It’s been those caramel and pecan turtle things every time.” She explained as she opened up the new box of chocolates and stuffed one into her mouth.

I chuckled, “For someone who misses the mark, he sure knows my favorite candy.” I teased, “It’s the thought that counts Clementine. It’s sweet.” I spoke in a soft tone as I admired all the flowers.

“Yeah, real sweet.” She rolled her eyes and glared at the flowers, “Yelled at you in the middle of the damn hallway after making you watch him almost kill your boyfriend. That’s real sweet. Girls just dream about that.”

“Ex boyfriend.” I corrected her as she nodded, “And, what can I say? I like my men with a little psychotic tendencies.” I grinned as we both started laughing, “But I did tell him to cutback on the flowers. Arianna’s been having a sneezing fit every time she walks past them...and I’m running out of room.”

“Throw them away?” Clementine suggested as I let out a scoff and laughed.

“What?! No! They aren’t dead yet!” I shouted playfully as Arianna came over and stole a piece of chocolate.

“Daddy got you more flowers?” She questioned, mouth full of chocolate and caramel as she stared up at me, “Told you it was too much.” Clementine mumbled, mouth full of sweets too.

“Yes. Daddy sent me more flowers.” I explained as she giggled and tried to take another piece of candy, “Last one Ari.” I said sternly as she pouted slightly before nodding.

Clementine let out an amused grunt, “Huh? So you’re calling him daddy too? That’s cute.” She teases as I felt my cheeks get a tad warmer.

“Shut up, it’s not-just be quiet Clemmy.” I stammered over my words as Arianna looked up at me, “Yeah? What’s up princess?” I wrapped my arms around her before holding her at my side.

“Can we go see daddy yet?” She questioned as I shook my head, “He said he’d call when he was done with his work.” Nikki had to have a conference call with his lawyers about Brandi refusing to sign the divorce papers because she wasn’t getting everything she wanted from him. She wanted more money, plus royalties from his future earnings. It was fucked up. Plus, she was trying to say Nikki had abandoned her and the marriage. I mean, maybe he did. But he had a probable cause to do so.

But, that’s not any of my business.

“You two seem to be getting along well. From all the stories I was expecting more chaos.” Clementine pointed out as I grinned.

“This is the calm before the storm. All the sweet gestures-“ I motioned to the flowers, “are him trying to kiss my ass, same with all the nice words he’s been saying.” I shrugged, “Its what he’s always done to get out of trouble with me.”

Clementine laughed, “Is it working?” I glanced over at her and smiled.

“I don’t know.”

Clementine continued to pester with the questions for a little while longer as I eventually tuned them all out. I jumped out of the chair when the phone started ringing, “I got it!” I yelled as I ran over to it and grabbed the phone.

“Obviously.” Clementine muttered as I flipped her off.

“He-hello?”

“Hey Van! Are you and Arianna ready? I ordered some lunch to have sent up to the room. Figured you’d be hungry and she’d be hungry and I’m hungry so...I’ll see you in a little bit?” Nikki chuckled nervously over the phone as I smiled a bit.

I glared at Clementine when she made kissy faces towards me, “Yeah Nikki, we’ll be over in a few. I’ll see you then, bye.”

“Bye doll.”

I put down the phone and threw at Clementine, “Arianna! Get your shoes on! Daddy’s waiting for us!”

“Get your shoes on Vanity, Daddy’s waiting for you.” Clementine continued her relentless teasing as I rolled my eyes and slipped on my sandals.

“Would you shut up? God, you’re so annoying.” I whined as I heard another knock on the door.

“Clem! Can you get that?” I said as I walked to Arianna’s room to get her bag I had packed with extra clothes. I walked to the living room to see Clementine standing in the kitchen with a vase of beautiful blooming sunflowers.

“Amazing and beautiful. Not a flower or a tree. Prettier than that and only I can see.” Clementine read from a card as I felt my cheeks become hot and turn pink.

“What? Did he get this from a damn fortune cookie?” She replied before putting the vase down on the table next to the others. I sighed, Nikki was doing way to much.

“Mommy I’m ready.” I looked down at Arianna and nodded, “Right, let’s go see your dad.”

*Nikki’s Hotel*

“Do not touch anything.” I mumbled to Arianna as I saw her looking at the glass and gold tables with the fancy little decorative vases on them. I watched Nikki come out of the elevator and walk to us as Arianna let go of my hand and ran towards him.

“Daddy!” She yelled as he reached down and picked her up, “Well hello to you too pumpkin.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek and tickled her sides as he smiled at me, “Hey Van.”

“Hello.” I muttered as I picked up Ari’s backpack she had thrown to the ground, “Daddy I drew you pictures.”

Nikki gasped, “You did? Well I would love to see them. But how about after lunch, you hungry? I have a cheeseburger waiting for you up in my room.”

She nodded, “Mommy made gross pancakes this morning.”

I laughed, “Arianna...”

“Yeah, mommy’s never been to good at cooking.”

When we got to Nikki’s room, he dug his key out of his pocket while Arianna talked his ear off. He let me in first before following behind. I looked around, his hotel room was huge. The bedroom was completely separate and the living room part of the hotel had a balcony he could step out on.

“I didn’t know what to get you so I got you a cheeseburger too. Your new found diet seems to have caused you to loose some weight.” Nikki explained as he sniffed repeatedly.

I scowled as I put down my purse and Arianna’s bag, “Been clean for a week Nikki.” I whispered to him as he nodded.

“Proud of you, doll.” He smiles as he nudged my arm and pulled out a chair at the table for me to sit down in.

“Can we go swimming yet?” Arianna asked as she chewed on a french fry.

“You gotta eat first and then get dressed. Then we can go alright?” Nikki explained as Arianna nodded. I picked at the burger, pulling off onions, pickles and tomatoes.

“Oh wait, I have yours.” Nikki said as he handed me a cheeseburger that didn’t have any of the stuff I just pulled off.

“...thank you.” I looked down at the burger. Wow, that is not something I expected him to remember. I also looked at the fries, they had crinkle cut while I had regular fries. I hate crinkle cut, they’re disgusting.

I saw Nikki glance over at me smiling as he chewed his food, “Something wrong with lunch Van?” He questioned as I shook my head.

“No it’s just uh...right? Uh, never mind.” I mumbled before I started eating.

Arianna rushed through her food before she ran over to her backpack and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She climbed back on the chair and handed the drawing to Nikki. He smiled at her as he unfolded it.

“It’s you! And me! And mom!” I glanced at it, seeing the a lot of spiky black hair and little cartoon smiles on her doodles.

“It’s wonderful baby. Thank you.” Nikki folded it back up before he put it in his wallet.

“Auntie let me use her special crayons to color it.” Arianna explained to him as he tried down playing his eye roll.

“Babe, you ready to get dressed?” I motioned to her plate of food as she nodded, “Let’s go!!” She yelled as she climbed back out of the chair and grabbed my hand, trying to pull me into the other room to get changed.

“We’ll be ready in a minute.” I told Nikki as he nodded and started cleaning up Arianna’s mess from lunch.

*Nikki’s POV*

After cleaning up and the girls laughing and causing a ruckus in the bathroom, I pulled my shirt over my head, adjusting the swim shorts I was wearing after. Arianna came running out with a purple and pink towel wrapped around her shoulders and floaties around her arms while she climbed up onto my bed. She had Vanity’s sunglasses in hand before putting them on and beginning to babble about something. I couldn’t tell, she was talking way to fast. Vanity cleared her throat, making me turn around as she was holding the strings to her bikini top.

“Can you...um tie these for me?” I chuckled as she turned around, her back facing me as my eyes drifted down to the scar on her skin as I stepped over and grabbed the strings from her.

“You know...I think you could tie these yourself.” I whispered in her ear as I pressed against her. I tied the strings slowly before putting my hands on her hips. I smirked to myself when I felt her body tense up under my palms, “Are these ones tight enough?” I questioned, fumbling with the black fabric that was tied in a bow at her side.

She laughed a bit before stepping away from me and turning around to face me, my eyes immediately dropped down, “Wow.” I looked back at her, feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment, “I mean uh....let me get you a shirt.” I moved off to the side and grabbed a white shirt sticking out of my suitcase and handed it to her.

Van quickly slipped it over her shoulders, the bottom hem of the shirt resting just a little bit below her hips, “Arianna, you ready to go to the pool?” She questioned as she climbed off the bed and put on her little sandals.

“Ready! I have my floaties!” She cheered as Vanity laughed and put her hand out for her as she quickly took it.

I grabbed my room key and towel before heading to the door and opening it. I felt my fucking stomach drop to my nut sack as I stared into deep, dark blue eyes.

“Brandi...hey ah- what are you doing here?” I stuttered out as she immediately hit me in the chest with a rolled up magazine repeatedly.

I heard Vanity hush Arianna as I closed the door a little bit more so Brandi couldn’t peer inside.

Brandi scoffed, “Wondering when the hell my husband is gonna stop playing house and come back home to me.” She snapped out, pushing me to the side as she walked into my hotel room. You could of heard the drop of a pin as Brandi glared at Vanity.

“Hello Vanity.” Brandi’s voice was conniving and her demeanor was intimidating as she stared her down. Brandi forced a smile before looking down at Arianna, “Well isn’t this just one big happy family reunion?” She cackled as Vanity looked over at me. Her face was red, and the look in her eye wasn’t a very friendly one. She was probably thinking, ‘Sixx, you better fucking do something and you better do it now.’

I cleared my throat, “Van...uh take her to the pool. I’ll be down in a little bit.” I motioned to the door and opened it up for them.

“Daddy, c’mon.” Arianna said as she grabbed my hand and tried pulling me with her. My head snapped over to Brandi when she let out and amused laugh.

“Go on babe. I’ll see you in a few minutes. Just wait for me.” I smiled at her as I nudged her towards Vanity. If looks could kill, my body would already be in the process of rigor mortis. I closed the door and turned towards Brandi when they were down the hall.

“We are separated. I signed the papers just like you wanted.” I said as I watched her step over to me, standing toe to toe as she looked up.

“Nikki, that’s not what I wanted.” Brandi sighed as she ran her hands up my chest before resting them atop of my shoulders, “I just want you to to come back home. You’ve spent enough time here.”

I moved away from her touch, “No. I’m not going home. Did you even move out? Because a few weeks is plenty to get your shit out.” I shook my head in frustration, “I have a kid here, Brandi. I’m not leaving her. I told you, I am done.”

Brandi rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest, “And how do you know she’s even yours? You weren’t with her for five years. She’s a beautiful little girl, but I don’t want you stuck paying for someone else’s child support for the next thirteen years.” She tried closing the space between us again, “C’mon honey, come home. I love and miss you. I have a little project we can work on together.”

“I know Arianna is mine! Don’t fucking call me honey! You aren’t my home, I don’t love you and haven’t thought about you since I left! I’m

Not doing jack shit for you! Fly your ass back to California and get your crap out of my house!”

“Nikki, please we can work on what we struggle with. I do love you a lot. I was there when she left you, remember? How many nights you spent crying and wanted to go shoot it, remember that?”

I glared, “You just want to do that stupid god damn photo shoot you’ve been begging for, for the past year! I’m not doing it!”

I watched as she walked over to me. Brandi gently put her hands on the side of my face, “Nikki, I love you. I was there for you when she ran three thousand miles away and didn’t even bother to tell you that you have a daughter. It’s not about doing the photoshoot. I love you Nikki, I didn’t want you to sign those papers, I just-“ I stared as her eyes started watering up, blinking out a few tears. “I hoped it would scare you enough to come back home. I thought you loved me enough to not just throw away our years of marriage.”

I groaned, “Don’t even start with the crying. It’s not going to work, Brandi. Just fucking go back-“

I was caught off guard when she planted her lips on mine. I grabbed her by her hips and roughly pulled her off of me, “Brandi! Stop!”

I wiped her saliva off my mouth as she cried harder, “Nikki! I want you to come back home!”

“I don’t want too!!” I fought back, raising my voice but she wiped away her tears before more came, “Our marriage was a mistake! If I hadn’t cheated things would be a lot fucking different!”

“It’s not like she’s going to wake up and love you again!!” She shouted as she started pushing on my chest.”

“I KNOW THAT!!”

Before I could even think about what I was doing, my hand went through dry wall of the hotel. My chest was heaving up and down as I tried to control myself. I heard Brandi choke out a pathetic squeak of a sob as I glared over at her.

“I’m not doing this for her. I’m doing this for Arianna. I’m here for her, not Vanity! We are trying to be friends and parents! I am not going to be like my fucking father!” I yelled at her as she rolled her eyes.

“Okay, Nikki. Enjoy playing house with your groupie ex and your illegitimate child. I’ll see you back in Los Angeles.” She said, almost as if the tears were fake which I already knew they were. She shoved the magazine back into my chest before shoulder checking me and walking out the door.

A new fucking magazine with our faces on it. Great.

*Vanity’s POV*

I sat on the edge of the pool next to Arianna as she was at my side kicking her feet in the water. I kept glancing at the entrance to the pool, waiting for Nikki to come down.

“Mommy, who was that?” Ari questioned softly as I sighed and ran my hand over her head.

“She’s no one baby. Don’t worry about it. You ready to get in the pool?” I asked her as she shook her head.

“No, I wanna wait for Daddy.” I sighed but nodded anyways.

I wonder if Nikki knew Brandi was going to be here? Im sure he would’ve told me if she was...I think? Or I hope. I heard the security gate to the pool slam open before slamming shut, I sighed deeply as I looked over and saw Nikki storming over to the open bar.

“Uh oh.” Arianna whispered as I laughed a little bit, “Daddy’s mad.”

I shook my head, “He’s fine, darling. Daddy’s a real tough one.” I explained as she smiled and got up, walking over to the little side table and sipping on her fruit punch out of a swirly straw before picking at the complimentary fruit and vegetable tray that was brought over.

“Here.” I looked up, seeing Nikki tower above me as he held out a beer bottle. I slowly took it from him, noticing the tinted red cheeks and the furrowed brows.

“Are you-“

“Don’t. Just don’t.” He snapped back as I looked away from him and took a sip.

“Daddy! Can we swim now!?” Arianna asked, running over to him and reaching for his hand and pulling on him.

Nikki forced a smile, “Of course sweet pea. Go get your floaties on and we’ll get in.” He explained to her as she did what he said. I looked back at him, watching Nikki chug the whole beer at once before putting the glass down on the table.

I stood up from sitting at the edge of the pool before walking over to my purse and grabbing a hair tie to throw my hair up in a quick bun. Arianna came over to me, needing help to adjust the floaties, “Told you, you should’ve just kept them on.” I chuckled as she huffed and puffed.

I found my self looking at Nikki pull off his shirt as my mouth went agape, “Jesus Nik.” I muttered as I walked over and put my hand on his back, gliding over all the tattoos.

“Oh, yeah.” He laughed, “I sometimes forget my back is covered. Do you like it?” He questioned, his head turned over his shoulder as he gave me a real smile.

I nodded, “It’s so cool. I love the sun.” My hand traced down to the devil and angel figures on his lower back, “These are cute too.”

He laughed, “Thank you?” He shook his head before trying to step away from me but I grabbed his shoulder.

“An octopus?” I questioned as I motioned for him to turn around, he rolled his eyes but did it anyways, “Whoa.” My eyes widened at the colorful ink across his shoulders and chest.

“What? Too much?” He grinned as my eyes wandered down his torso. I blinked a few times before looking back at him before returning my gaze to the tattoo on his rib cage.

I looked at the black cursive that stared back at me. My hand moved by itself and I traced over my name with a sky blue painted finger nail. I shook my head, “Why do you still have that?”

Nikki gently pushed my hand off his body before he turned his back towards me and slipped into the pool, “C’mon Ari.” Nikki motioned for her as he stood at the edge of the pool and lifted her into the water with him.

My eyes stayed glued to my name as I watched him begin to teach her how to swim. Why the hell does he still have that? I took a sip out of the bottle before wiping my bottom lip.

“You gotta kick your legs baby. That’s how you stay afloat.” Nikki held her slightly above the water in his arms, “And then you gotta move your arms away from you so you can doggy paddle.” Nikki laughed as she started splashing away at the water, “It’s a start, princess. You’re doing good.”

“Mom!! I’m swimming!” Arianna giggled as I smiled at her, “You’re doing amazing sweetie. How about you try without Daddy holding onto you?”

Nikki slowly started to let go of her, “Try swimming over to mom.” Nikki said as Arianna started to whine, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m right here.”

“Just swim to me baby. Daddy will be right by you just in case.” I motioned for her as Nikki lowered her back into the water, letting go of her as she started kicking and moving her arms.

Nikki clapped for her as she swam over to me and grabbed a hold of my legs and I quickly hoisted her up, “You did it!!” I chimed as she giggled and wiped water from her face.

I showered her in little quick pecks on the cheek as she complained and tried pulling away from me, reaching her arms out for Nikki. For how big his smile was, you would’ve thought it was hurting him. He swam over to us and took her from me as he held onto her, “Hey, I did good too. Do I get a kiss?” I rolled my eyes and lightly kicked him in the gut instead.

I watched as Arianna climbed like spider monkey around Nikki’s torso before she was wrapped around his back, “You good, Sixx?” I tried smiling a bit as I saw his falter.

“No, yeah. I’m good, doll. Don’t worry about me.” He forced a smile before he started laughing when Arianna tugged and pulled on his hair as she tried to balance herself on his shoulders.

“Ow, Arianna be careful.” Nikki groaned as he reached up for her hands and held them in his.

“Daddy I want my snacks!” Nikki rolled his eyes as he walked over to the edge of the pool and took her off his shoulders, placing her down on the concrete as she ran over to the chair and started eating.

“Went through me being kicked in the face and getting my hair ripped out just to ask for snacks a minute later.” He mumbled before shaking his hair out, pushing it from his face right after.

He sighed and looked at me. I hated that look. I know that look. That’s look he always gave me right before he told me something I wasn’t going to like and also right before he would’ve told me no.

“I have to go back to California.”

I felt my heart drop to my stomach as I stared at him, “Not immediately, like in a few weeks or so. I have to do a photoshoot I already paid for months ago. She wants one last proof to the world that she was married to me.” Nikki explained as he shook his head, “I really don’t want to go…”

”Well-“ I paused, running my nails through my hair, “You should just do what she wants that way she’s somewhat content and will leave you alone.”

He grinned, “Yeah, but here’s the thing. The photoshoot isn’t exactly what I call normal.”

“Nikki, you don’t know the meaning of the word normal.” I teased with a smile as he splashed water at me.”

“Shut up.” He laughed but then deeply sighed in annoyance, “We’ll be naked…”

I blinked a few times before scratching the top of my head, “For Playboy?” Nikki shook his head, telling me no.

“Huh, well. Hope it’s tasteful.” I mumbled, “But the divorce?”

Nikki tilted his head to the side as he stepped a bit closer to me, hands placed on both sides of my legs, “It’s still happening. And when I’m there I can meet with the lawyers physically instead of phone calls and emails and it will move things along faster…it’s just gonna be pretend, Princess.” Nikki’s voice was soft as he maintained eye contact with me.

“Good thing it’s pretend.” I mumbled quietly, “I mean, just pretend it some other model or something. Or T-bone. I know you two are super close.”

“Yeah, like brothers.” He laughed before he pinched my hip only for me to smack his hand away from me.

“I want a brother!” Arianna exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I immediately started shaking my head.

“You-you want a brother?” Nikki questioned, shock riddling his voice as he stared at us. She moved from me before sitting down on the edge next to me.

“Yes! All my friends have brothers and mommy has a brother and you have Tommy!” I laughed due to the extreme uncomfortableness that was starting to choke me.

Nikki smiled, “That’s up to mommy, not me angel.”

I agreed with Nikki, “Plus, brothers are so gross Ari. They stink and they’re dirty and they ruin everything. Uncle Grey is horrible.” I explained as she giggled

“Uncle Grey is fun! And so is Tommy!” Arianna argued back, “Ari…”

“Well, you know babe. Tommy isn’t the only brother I got. There’s also Vince and Mick.”

Ari gasped as she looked over at me, “I want to meet them! Can I meet them!?”

“Maybe one day, darling. If you and mom come back to California.” Nikki explained, looking over at me as I shook my head which resulted in his smile turning into a frown.

“…Or they can come here.” I pointed out.

“...Or you can come home.”

I rolled my eyes before turning my attention back to Arianna, “How about we swim a bit longer before we have to go.” I told her as she nodded and I helped her back into the water.

I felt Nikki’s hand wrap around my ankle as he tried pulling me in, “Nik, stop.” I laughed as I pushed on his shoulder. Arianna then latched onto my ankle and tried pulling me too.

Nikki smirked before grabbing the hem of his shirt and tried to pull it up, “Take off the shirt and let’s get in the water.” He laughed as I grabbed his hand and tried pushing it away from my body.

“I dont want to get in.” I protested as he gave me a serious look

“Don’t be a party pooper mommy.” Arianna giggled. I let out a scoff due to her words.

“Yeah mommy, don’t be a party pooper.” Nikki copied before he let go of my ankle and quickly wrapped his arms around my body, picking me up and dragging me into the water.

“Nikki!” I laughed as his hands slid down to the back of my thighs as he tossed me over his shoulder. I started punching his back, “Nikki, let me go!” I yelled before I was quickly dropped into the water face first.

I came back up, wiping my face as Nikki was full of smiles and holding Arianna, “What? You said to let you go?” He smirked as Arianna pointed and laughed at me.

“You’re such an ass.” I told him as he laughed at me again.

“Love you too princess.”

*a few hours later, Nikki’s POV*

“Arianna, quit jumping on the couch! You’re going to fall.” Van told her as she was bouncing behind me as I sat on the floor, plucking strings to my bass.

“La, la, la!” I turned around, seeing Arianna plugging her ears with her fingers. I chuckled before quickly grabbing her and placing her on my lap with the guitar in front of us.

She started hitting the strings, trying to play it but I quickly grabbed her hand, “No. You don’t hit this. They’re important to daddy.” I told her as she nodded. I kept one hand on the fret board as I guided her fingers to gently pluck the strings.

I heard a click of a camera as I glanced up to see Vanity taking a picture of us, “Don’t play with that either.” I told Van as she rolled her eyes before turning the camera on herself and sticking up her middle finger and snapping a pic.

Vanity chuckled before placing the camera back down on the table, “Arianna, we should get going. It’s getting late and auntie Clem is probably waiting for us.”

She started to pout before i took her off my lap and placed her down on the floor, “Moms right, kid. We’ll have more fun tomorrow, I promise.” I whispered as she nodded. Vanity handed Arianna her tiny little purple backpack as she held onto her purse. I walked them to the door and opened it up as Arianna hugged my legs.

I ran my hand over her head before I picked her up and gave her a hug, “I love you princess.” I kissed her forehead as she hugged me tighter.

“I love you too daddy.” She whispered against my ear as I smiled before I started tickling her sides. She started laughing uncontrollably before I put her down on the floor.

“I’ll call you tomorrow?” I asked Vanity as she nodded, not bothering to look at me as she dug her car keys out. I rolled my eyes before I stepped over to her and wrapped her up in a hug as well. I felt her tense up before she relaxed and patted the back of my shoulder.

“Can you let go now?” She mumbled as I squeezed her tighter and picked her up off the ground, “Nikki.” She said my name sternly as I sighed and put her feet back on the ground.

“Goodnight girls.” I told them both as Arianna waved at me before she grabbed Vanity’s hand and they started walking down the hall to the elevators.

I exhaled before closing the hotel door. I glanced at the hole in the wall, shaking my head before I started picking the place up. Arianna had made a mess in every square inch of the room. I tossed trash into the bin before going into the adjoining bedroom and fixed the blankets and shook off crumbs from Arianna’s cookies she’d been devouring earlier in the day.

I plopped down on the bed, bass resting against my stomach as I fumbled with the strings and stared up at the ceiling. I was ultimately bored now that they left. Maybe we could go to the zoo tomorrow? Or maybe a picnic at the park? Or what if I took the girls shopping? Well, Arianna mainly. Vanity doesn’t need anymore clothes.

I closed my eyes and played a simple melody. I’ve had a lot more creative juices flowing while being here. I’ve written a few new songs to show the guys, I think they’re good, so maybe the boys will too.

I opened my eyes when there was a knock on my door. I put the bass down on the bed before going to open it. Vanity was drenched in rain and shivering as Arianna smiled at me before walking into my room.

“M-my car won’t start. And it’s pouring rain and thundering out side and-“

“Do you want to stay the night? I can get the car looked at in the morning…” The words blurted out of me before I could process what I was saying.

“If it’s not too big of a deal.” She mumbled as a shiver went down her spine and I quickly let her inside before closing the door.

“No. No it’s, uh it’s fine. I’ll um…” I quickly went to the bathroom and grabbed a towel before giving it to her, “I’ll uh…I’ll call down for extra blankets and pillows.” I mumbled before going to call the front desk. I watched as Arianna kicked off her shoes and Vanity turned on the TV for her.

“Can I take a shower?” I stared blankly at Van.

“Uh yeah, can I get some extra pillows and blankets sent up to room to three twenty seven? Okay, cool. Thank you.” I put the phone down as I stared at Vanity some more. Her white shirt was clinging to the red bra she was wearing underneath but her jeans were only a little damp.

“Nik?” She took me from my thoughts as I looked at her finally, “Oh, yeah. Sure. Go take a shower.”

She wrapped the towel around her shoulders, “If you don’t want us to stay I can like call a taxi or something..” She muttered as I shook my head feverishly.

“No! No, I want you-I mean you two can both stay. I don’t mind. I’m not doing anything important anyways.” I stumbled out as she nodded.

“Okay.” She smiled at me before she went to the bathroom. On a scale of one to ten, one being perfectly calm and ten being a full blown panic attack. I was currently at a ten.

“Daddy! The door!” Arianna yelled for me as I went back into the living room to answer it.

“Oh thanks man. Appreciate it.” I told the guy as he handed over the stuff and I closed the door. I turned around only to bump into Ari.

“Am I spending the night?” She sweetly asked me as I patted her head and put the blankets and pillows down.

“Yeah, yeah one big sleepover. You, me…mommy.” I told her as she took one of the blankets and dragged it back over to the couch before she continued to watch cartoons and snack on some more cookies that were left on the table.

“I’m gonna call Tommy…you just stay there.” I told her but she didn’t even acknowledge me. I grabbed my phone and stepped out on the balcony.

“Pick up you idiot.” I mumbled after the third ring.

“Hey Sixx! What’s up man!”

I breathed in a fresh of breath air, “Dude! Ari and Van are going to stay the night at my hotel room and I don’t know what to do?!”

Tommy started laughing, “Uh, you let them stay the night? I’m not sure what you’re asking?”

I rolled my eyes, “Vanity and Arianna are staying the night.” I repeated myself.

“Okay, and what’s the big- Oh? There’s only one bed huh?” I heard him snicker, “Use protection Nikki. I’m sure we don’t want another little Sixx running around just yet.”

If he was standing in front of me I probably would’ve punched him in the face.

“Fuck you, T-bone. That’s not on my mind.”

He laughed, “Yeah buddy, I’m sure it isn’t. Clem’s been telling me about all the teasing Vanity has been doing to you. Just fuckin let the girls have the bed and you sleep on the couch. Problem solved.”

I turned around when there was a tap on the glass door, “Oh fuck.” I said out loud as Vanity was standing in a towel that was loosely tucked around her.

“Yeah?” I slid the door open, “Can I have some clothes?”

“She’s already naked and needs clothes? You dirty fuckin dog.”

“Shut up.” I said spoke as Vanity tilted her head to the side, “No, not you! Fuck, Tommy I’ll call you back.” I quickly hung up and stepped through the door.

“Are you okay?” Vanity mumbled as I dug through my suitcase and pulled out a pair of sweats and a shirt for her.

“Yeah. I’m good. I’m great. Why do you ask that?” I questioned as I put the clothes in her hands.

She stared at me for a moment, confusion written all over her face, “…I’m gonna get dressed.” She said before she walked back to the bathroom.

I threw the phone down on the bed before I groaned out loud and rubbed my face. Just fuckin relax, man. It’s fine. Everything is fine.

Vanity walked back out, drying her hair as she glanced at me, “You need to chill the fuck out.”

I scoffed, “What?” My voice cracked, “I’m fine!”

She laughed, “I’m fine!” She mocked as I narrowed my eyes, “It’s written all over your face, Nik.”

I rolled my eyes, “My face is fine!” I raised my voice as she didn’t even flinch. I took a deep breath in, “I am fine.”

She walked towards me as she put the towel in my hands and went to Arianna and sat down next to her. She slowly crawled into Vans lap and rested against her chest.

“Do you want me to order some pizza?” I asked Van as they both looked over at me, “Yes please. I want cheese.” Arianna told me as I chuckled.

Vanity kissed the back of Ari’s head, “Cheese and pepperoni. Thanks Nikki.”

I picked up the phone and ordered some pizza before I came over and sat by Vanity and we watched Arianna’s cartoons together.

“She needs to take a bath to get all the chlorine off later.” Vanity explained, “Oh yeah, whatever she needs. I don’t care.” I muttered as I stiffened up when Vanity scooted a bit closer to me and rested her her head on my shoulder.

“I’m gonna go work on some lyrics.” I quickly got up as Vanity stared at me, then she followed after me, “Can I see the new stuff?”

I watched as she crawled onto my bed and laid on her side, “Well, I uh…I don’t have anything really written. It’s all in my head right now…”

She smiled at me before she pulled on the strings of the bass, “Huh, well maybe some other time. Do you still want to keep the typical sound of Mötley or are you trying to become what’s popular now a days?”

“I don’t know.” I said as I took the bass away from her and held it in my lap as I drummed my fingers against the fretboard,

“Okay then…” Vanity mumbled, “Well I think you should keep the Mötley aesthetic but try to do what’s mainstream you know? I mean, hair metal wasn’t going to be popular forever.” She laughed a bit as I glared at her.

“And be like everyone else? No thanks.”

“Literally there’s Mötley, Guns and Roses, Poison, Ratt, Cinderella, Skid Row, Warrant…all of you look the same.” She said as I watched as she laid on her back and fumble with the drawstrings of my sweats that were laid loosely on her hips.

“We do not look the same. Or sound the same either! Mötley did it first and those guys are just copiers.”

“So what about Kiss?”

I laughed, “Do not compare us to Kiss.”

She sat up in a criss cross position and looked at me with an amused expression, “You’re really gonna tell me that the face paint, the hair, leather and high heeled boots didn’t stem from that? Not saying I like Kiss, because I don’t. But I think I would’ve liked you a lot more if you had a tongue like Gene Simmons.”

Did she really just say that?

*Vanity’s POV*

I watched him squirm uncomfortably, noticing the shade of pink rise on his cheeks. He looked away from me and grabbed the water bottle in front of him and took a long sip.

I chewed on my bottom lip as my eyebrows raised, “No comment? I thought that was funny…god, when did you become such a prude?”

Nikki shook his head, “Princess, I haven’t touched you in five years. I’m immune to comments like that.” He sighed and gave me a smile, “Plus, between my cock and my tongue I’ve made you scream louder then any other dude possibly could.”

I laughed, “Okay, that’s fair. I’ll give you that.”

Nikki smiled at me before he got up to answer the knock on the door, “Keep the change, man.” He told the guy before he brought the boxes of pizza over to the table.

I helped Arianna climb up on the chair before putting some food in front of her, “Thank you.” She quietly spoke before devouring the pizza.

After dinner, I had just gotten Arianna out of the shower after getting her dressed. She was wearing one of Nikki’s bands shirts that was more of a dress on her as she ran through the bedroom and tot he living room as she climbed up on the couch.

“No! I don’t want my hair brushed!” She tried fighting me as I grabbed a hold of her and started combing her hair out as gently and fast as I could but she kept pulling away from me.

“Ari, either we do it now or we do it in the morning when you have a whole bunch of tangles and I promise you’re not gonna like that one bit.” I told her as she huffed and puffed before simmering down and letting me continue.

“Daddy likes Dino’s too.” She told me as she showed me the T-Rex shirt she was wearing.

I chuckled, “No baby, it’s daddy’s favorite band.” I finished combing out her hair before putting it in a sloppy braid.

“Can you read me a story?” She questioned as she laid down on the couch and pulled the blanket up to her chin.

“No story tonight babe. I don’t have any of your books.” I groaned when Nikki pushed the back of my head before sitting down on the floor by the couch. Arianna turned and rested on her side to face him.

“Where’s your imagination, mom.” Nikki teased as I rolled my eyes, “I’ll tell you a story pumpkin.”

“Once upon a time in a land far, far away there was a princess who was apart of the richest kingdom of all. She was a beautiful princess, she had pretty brown locks and gorgeous hazel eyes kinda like yours.” He bopped her nose gently as she giggled, “One day, the princess met a Nobel and extremely handsome boy, but he wasn’t a prince or a king. He was a poor boy who had a group of friends he hanged out with and got into a lot of trouble with.”

“Like Peter Pan!” Arianna giggled as Nikki smiled and nodded, “Yeah, kinda like Peter. But he didn’t wear tights and fly through the stars, he wore leather pants and rode a motorcycle.”

Oh no.

“And the boy, he wasn’t too nice sometimes to the princess. But man, did he love her a lot. He’d do anything for her and he wrote some sweet little songs for her too. And the princess loved him very much too. She always made him smile and laugh and very, very happy. One day, the boy asked the princess to marry him and she said yes.”

Arianna gasped, “And the boy saved up all his money and got her a beautiful ring for her to have forever. They were going to have a magical wedding with all their friends in the enchanted forest for all the critters to watch.”

I stared at Nikki who was gently brushing his finger tips over Arianna’s cheek, “Well one day, a evil witch came into the kingdom and tricked the boy with a little curse to leave the pretty princess and it worked.”

“No! Daddy!” Arianna yelped before he hushed her, “And the boy wish he never listened to the witch because he knew how the princess would be sad about it. The princess ran away to another kingdom but the boy didn’t give up, he found the princess again and she was still as beautiful as before. So he got down on his knees and begged the princess for forgiveness, but she’s always been a little stubborn.” I let out a scoff as he laughed a bit.

“He told the princess, I still love you and I’d do anything to have you back in our kingdom with me. He then gave her a kiss, a true loves kiss and the princess decided to give him another chance and they lived happily ever after. The end.” Nikki had a proud smile on his face as I rolled my eyes.

“But the princess wasn’t a dumb one. She was smart.” Both of them both looked over at me, “And she knew the boy always had a way with sweet words and would give her flowers and presents to make things better. But it didn’t.”

“But mommy!! The princess loves the boy!”

I nodded, “Yes, the princess loves the boy very much. But she needs more then just flowers and presents to make her feel better.

“But how is the boy suppose to make the princess feel better when the princess won’t talk to him about it?” Nikki questioned.

I shrugged, “The boy needs to figure it out so the princess doesn’t lock herself away again and cry over the stupid boy.”

“I don’t like this story.” Arianna mumbled as we both looked at her. I let out a deep sigh, “The princess did love the boy very much and decided to give him another chance anyways. And they lived happily ever after in their kingdom. Go to bed.” I told her as I got up from the couch and gave her a soft kiss atop of her forehead.

“Sometimes the princess gets grumpy.” Nikki mumbled to Arianna as she laughed, “Goodnight pumpkin.”

“Goodnight daddy.”

I grabbed the extra pillows and blankets from the chair and started creating a make shift bed on the floor by Arianna, “What are you doing?” Nikki quietly asked as I looked at him, motioning to stuff on the floor.

“Making a bed to sleep on? What are you doing?” I shook my head as I threw the pillow down on the floor.

“You can sleep in the bed..” Nikki whispered as I stared at him, “Where are you going to sleep?” I questioned him as he pointed in the adjoining room.

“In the bed?”

I let out an amused grunt, “What? Can’t control yourself?” He teased as I rolled my eyes at him. I shook my head, “I can control myself, thank you very much.”

“Then it’s settled. You get one side and I’ll get the other.” He walked away from me and went into the bedroom as I stayed absolutely still. I looked over at Arianna who was getting snuggled into the couch and blanket.

I went into the bedroom, seeing him digging through his suitcase, “I get the left side.” I muttered as he chuckled, “I know, you’ve always slept on the left side.”

“Okay…” I mumbled, “I sleep with my pants off…” I said as I started pulling them down, but he turned around to look at me so I pulled them back up. I felt my fucking heart racing as he looked at me.

“Well, I sleep with my pants off too.” He said as I watched him unbutton his jeans before he kicked them off his legs, “And no shirt.” He smugly said as he pulled the shirt off his shoulders right after. My eyes went down to the black cursive again that felt like one giant slap to the face the longer I stared at it.

“I still have it because I was too scared to get it covered.” Nikki explained as I looked back at him, “I don’t know why. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

“But Brandi?”

He chuckled, “She fuckin hated it. So we never fucked and looked at each other. She always faced away from me.”

“Oh.”

I quickly grabbed the remote and turned on MTV to listen to some music. I also raided the mini fridge and grabbed a shooter of Jack Daniels and quickly swallowed it before grabbing another. Nikki went to the bathroom to do whatever as I took the chance to quickly take off my pants and get under the covers. I sat against the pillows and headboard with the tiny bottles in my lap.

“Oh you got to be fucking kidding me.” I muttered to myself as the music video for ‘Home Sweet Home’ played on the TV.

Nikki’s came out of the bathroom and groaned, “Turn it off.” He said as he grabbed the blankets and got into the bed next to me. I stiffened up and scooted over so he could have more room.

“It’s a good song.” I told him as he laughed, “Yeah, the only fuckin good one on the album. That album was a fuckin train wreck.”

Nikki fluffed the pillows up as he laid down and took the remote from my hand but I took it back from him, “What about Smokin In The Boys Room? Louder than hell? Keep Your Eye On The Money? Those are some great songs.”

“Ah, I don’t know. That album is trash. I don’t remember any of it.” I glanced over at him as he shrugged.

“What do you mean you don’t remember it?” I questioned him as he laughed a bit.

“Doll, I was so fucked up during that album and tour. That album fucking sucked.”

“Yes I know you were really high. You might not remember it but I do. And I genuinely liked Theater of Pain. It was a great visual era.” I explained to him as he rolled his eyes.

“You’re just saying that. Everyone knows it sucked.”

I scoffed, “Am not, I liked it better then the Girls album.” I said in a matter of fact type of way.

“But you loved that album.” Nikki furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “I love all your albums. But c’mon. Wild Side and Girls, Girls, Girls are like the only memorable songs.”

“What about You’re All I Need? That was a great song.”

I laughed, “About a boyfriend killing his girlfriend. Yeah, that’s a great song Nikki.”

“But if we’re talking favorites, my favorite album is Shout At The Devil. I love almost every song on that album. Ten Seconds To Love is my favorite song of yours.”

He laughed, “But you hated how I dabbled with black magic, you were fuckin scared of that!”

“I was not scared! It was just weird! And I thought you were a freak for wanting to play with it.”

“You were always like ‘Nikki! Stop! I don’t want Satan in my house!’ You were scared.” He continued to laugh as he mocked my voice.

“It was a genuine concern! Because Tommy was telling me all the weird shit that was happening at your guys apartment after you read that stupid book.”

“I still have that book.” Nikki grinned as I rolled my eyes.

“I bet you do. You are fucking Satan.” I retorted as he smirked and ran his hand up my forearm to my shoulder, “Well, Guess that means you’ve danced with the devil a few times.” He chuckles before he took his hand away from me and laid on his back.

“What’s your least favorite song?”

“She Goes Down.”

Nikki started laughing loudly as I quickly put my hand over his mouth, “Sh! You’ll wake up Ari!”

He took my hand away as he held it before I tugged free of his grip, “Van, that’s a great song, it’s creative.”

“It’s stupid. And childish, and so, so embarrassing. Everyone knows it’s about me going down on you.”

“Okay fine. But that’s all the more reason for all these stupid guys to back the fuck off.” I scoffed and looked over at him, “What? You’re still my girl.”

“Shut up, Nikki.”

“How about you make me?”

I kicked the blankets off of me, “Id rather sleep on the hard floor.” I muttered as I reached down for my pants to put them on but he grabbed my wrist.

The gaze he had on me was soft, “No, c’mon. I’ll stop. Just lay back down and I’ll be quiet. Please?” I studied his face for a moment before he took his hand away and patted the pillow and I grumbled before I laid down next to him.

“I’m not your girl.” I mumbled weakly as he chuckled, “Whatever you say doll.”

I was laying in perfect silence until I gasped, “Fuck! I have to call Clementine!” I announced, quickly grabbing my pants and putting them on as I went through my purse and dug out my phone.

Nikki let out a grunt, “Who the fuck gives a shit? You’re an adult.”

“I give a shit Nikki. We were suppose to-oh hi Clem!” Clementine began yelling from the other side, “Yes, yes I know! But I totally forgot! Yes I’m fine, Arianna is fine too. My um, car wouldn’t start so Nikki offered for us to stay the night.”

“Jesus, you need a babysitter too?” Nikki shook his head and got out of bed. He walked over to Me and took the phone out of my hand.

“Clementine? Yeah, it’s Nikki. The girls are fine so stopping fucking worrying.” He snapped at her as my eyes widened

“Oh yeah? Well fuck you too.” I watched as Nikki pressed the end call button and handed the phone back to me.

“That was really rude, Nikki.” I stated as I stared at him in disbelief.

“She doesn’t need to be up your ass twenty four seven. Plus, she’s probably only calling for more money.”

I shook my head, walking back to the bed and plopping down as he followed after me. I snatched the blankets and pulled them over myself, “Shut up, you have no idea what you’re even talking about.” I snapped, turning to lay on my side and face away from him.

“I do know what I’m talking about actually. Tommy told me you give her hundreds and hundreds over dollar every month.” Nikki spoke as I felt him take blankets away from me.

I scoffed, forcefully pulling the blankets back, “Yeah, for watching Arianna. Again, you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”

I could just tell he was rolling his eyes, “I literally watched you hand her a stack of hundreds the other day and you didn’t even think fuckin twice. For someone that apparently lives the starving artist life she sure likes to act poor.”

“Well it’s my money and I can do what I want with it. Why do you even have beef with her? You had no issues with any of the other girlfriends or wives.” I pointed out as I shook my head.

Nikki expressed, “I just don’t fuckin like her. She acts like a god damn charity case when she can just go out and get a real job.”

I rolled over, turning to face him, “She’s an artist, Nikki. That’s her job. Just like playing a guitar is your job.” I explained as I grabbed one of the pillows He was using and propped it under mine.

I glared at me, “Yeah, well when I was getting the band going I still had little side jobs.”

I rolled my eyes, “You fuckin dated girls that worked at grocery stores just so you could get free food. She’s nice Nikki. And she told me all about you being an asshole to her when she went to California with Tommy.”

Nikki groaned, “She wasn’t nice to me then and she’s still not nice to me now.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, “Yes she is! She has been nothing but nice to you. She said you went out of your way to make her feel unwelcome in my house….I mean your house.”

“Whatever. I don’t fuckin like her. She’s a leech.” He grunted when I smacked him in the face with a pillow, “Don’t fucking be a brat.”

“How can you even say that? You barely know anything about her other then her being Tommy’s girlfriend and Arianna’s aunt.”

“She isn’t Arianna’s aunt. Sage is her aunt. Clementine is not.” Nikki pointed out as I then took the pillow and wedged it between us to create a make shift wall.

“Well she was the only that was in the delivery room with me Nikki.”

Nikki moved the pillow and threw it across the room, “She was?”

I rolled my eyes and turned to face away from him, “Yes Nikki, she was. My mom and siblings were on some god damn cruise because Arianna was born a few weeks prior to her actual due date. Clementine held my hand while I gave birth. So maybe you should think twice before saying something stupid about her. I’m going to bed, so shut the fuck up.”

I her let out a huff of air after I finished my rant, “Vanity?”

“What Nikki?” My voice oozed annoyance a I pulled the blankets up to my chin.

“I-I haven’t asked yet. But when’s Arianna’s birthday?” Out of all the questions he’s asked over the last few weeks, that has not been one of them.

“She was born on May seventh at three in the afternoon and she weighed six pounds and nine ounces.” I explained as I heard him let out a deep sigh before I felt him shift in the bed to get comfortable.

“I’m sorry, Princess.” Nikki mumbled as I felt his hand run down my back.

“I know you are Nikki.” I said, grabbing his hand, lightly squeezing it before taking it away from my body.

*Nikkis POV, Next Morning*

I yawned, rubbing my eyes as I shifted in bed and moved some hair out of my face. I closed my eyes and deeply sighed as I felt Vanity move beside me. I glanced over, taking a double look as her bright red thong was out on display to me. Don’t be fucking weird, Nikki. I tried pulling the blanket up her body, it was tangled between her legs as she adjusted in her sleep. Her shirt, well my shirt bunched up higher around her torso as she snored slightly.

God, she looked so fucking beautiful. I sighed and gently rested my hand on her hip, feeling the coolness of her skin as it’s been exposed to the air. I traced my fingertips over the curve of her body and up her sides as she squirmed just a bit at the feathery touch. I slid my fingers back down, grazing over her thigh before Arianna ruined it all.

“Mom!! I’m hungry!!”

I’ve never seen anyone wake up so fast. I froze, taking my hand away from her as she sat up in bed , “Mom!! Breakfast!!” Arianna yelled again as Vanity groaned and laid back down.

“Okay!” Vanity yelled back as she pulled the blanket over her head. I heard her start to lightly snore again before Arianna yelled once more.

“I am coming!” She yelled back before throwing the blankets off of her and getting out bed and going to the adjoining living room.

If this is how mornings could or would be, with Vanity in bed beside me and our child yelling for her while I tried to cop a feel, I would take it any day of the fucking week.

[craftheaven]

For anyone stressing about cooking Christmas dinner...

(shared from Pattersons Butchers, Sheffield) Here's my top tip for Christmas Dinner....I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not! Here goes... 1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked! 2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shit load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking . 3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!I ( nor any other woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy 4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough! 5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same . 6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!) 7. Family....Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!  Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc. And Finally.....NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!! Rant over Merry Christmas!

[fic-al]

Two Types of Stuffing

Prequel to Christmas 1958

Christmas Day 1957 Nonnatus House

Patrick Turner glanced over his shoulder once again. He looked longingly beyond the dining room door. He knew that staring repeatedly in the direction of the Nonnatus telephone was not going to make it ring, but he couldn't seem to help himself.

He turned back to the table and suddenly felt ashamed. He was positive everyone knew what he was hoping for. Timothy sat to his left, he certainly knew he could see it in the boy's eyes. He had grown up so much, in such a relatively short time. Wise beyond his years. Honed through the illness and eventual loss of his mother. Followed by almost a year of what? Grief, struggle, survival. Patrick tried to shake himself from his melancholy and self-destructive thoughts. He was so proud of Marianne's son, sat in his school tie and blazer.

The boy was animatedly talking to Sister Evangelina. He was glad Sister Julienne had sat Timothy between himself and the bustling nun. She was never short of conversation and had a soft spot for his son, as she also once had for the boy's mother.

Opposite the doctor sat three of the young nurses, he worked with on a daily basis. Nurse Franklin was dressed a little like she was having Christmas dinner at the Ritz, but he thought she carried it off. Nurse Lee a little less flashy, he could see Marianne in something like that. He knew the more diminutive Nurse Miller would also be wearing a new dress. Marianne always insisted a woman needed a new dress for Christmas Day. Apart from last year, last Christmas she asked for a new nightdress.

Absentmindedly, he glanced again in the direction of the still frustratingly silent telephone. What was wrong with him? He had accepted this kind invitation for Timothy's sake. Granny Parker always spent Christmas with Timothy's cousins in Liverpool and he hadn't wanted her to change her plans, there had been too much change. He had to snap out of this wave of self pity.

Please let the next call be a woman in labour, possibly breech or twins. A safe, but long labour, but get me out of here, please! Let no harm come to anyone, just free me from this odious obligation. Timothy is in good, safe hands. No need to feel guilty or selfish, is there?

"Would you care for some more stuffing, Doctor?"

The sudden question directed to him in a warm Scottish lilt shook him out of his malaise.

"No,no thank you Sister, I have ample."

"Mrs B has dared to be a tad adventurous this year and made two types of stuffing. I must say Dr Turner, I prefer the traditional sage and onion myself."

"I wasn't aware Sister until today that there was more than one type of stuffing." He interjected, trying to crack a weak joke. The poor girl, what had she done to be sat next to such a miserable, boring old sod at Christmas.

He looked around the table; The nurses sat together and whispered and chatted. Although Trixie couldn't be accused of whispering at present.

Sister Evangelina sat comfortably next to Timothy, the pair gently trying to heal each other's wounds. Sister Julienne at the head of the table as her seniority allowed, watching over her family, with a careful eye on Sister Monica Joan at the other end. Poor kind hearted, devoted Sister Bernadette had got the fuzzy end of the lollipop, when it came to the seating plan and was stuck next to him.

"More wine Doctor? I must say Constable and Mrs Noakes have been very generous in supplying us with beverages, before they decided to spend Christmas with Constable Noakes' mother."

"Erm, not much more for me Sister, I know Dr Enys is on call. Which is very kind of him, in the circumstances."

They both glance at Timothy. The boy takes a good slurp of his Dandelion and Burdock, another treat from the Noakes'. Sister Bernadette starts to wonder if the Fortescue-Cholmondeley-Browne empire had been built on off-licenses.

Patrick continues, "He is a fine young GP, but I did say I would be available, if you know he gets snowed under, or may need my guidance in a complicated maternity case. I gave him this number and told him not to hesitate to call…" He was interrupted,

"I see, Doctor."

Patrick looked at those piercing blue eyes. Oh yes, even as a very happily married man and devoted husband, he noticed the blue eyes. Even when she was a 22-year-old postulant and he an enthusiastic new father and war veteran, he noticed the blue, blue eyes. They saw right through him at that moment, the blue eyes knew he would rather be tending to a bad case of haemorrhoids than pulling a Christmas cracker, containing a very bad joke, with an increasingly giggly Trixie.

Sister Bernadette glanced behind her once again, looking longingly beyond the dining room door. She knew that staring repeatedly in the direction of the Nonnatus telephone was not going to make it ring, but she couldn't seem to help herself.

The Nonnatuns took turns on Christmas Day to be on call. Sister Julienne always attended the first call. Sister Evangelina the next, Sister Bernadette followed and quite often that order would repeat itself throughout the day. The Sisters understood that Christmas may have a different interpretation for their young colleagues, and they would want to mark it in a different way.

It had been Sister Bernadette a few years younger than the others, that had suggested that they took the strain over Christmas and New Year. To serve Him and to have the privilege of delivering a Christmas or New Year baby. Also, young enough and generous enough to realize her secular colleagues would greatly appreciate any time off during the holidays.

At this moment, Sister Bernadette wasn't contemplating such noble thoughts. Basically, she just wanted to get the Hell out of there. Alone in the work environment between the forceps and cursing mothers, she could ask him how Timothy was doing? How was he coping? Here it had to be so polite, so appropriate, she could see he was struggling for breath, for cover, for safety. All she could do in this situation was talk about stuffing.

She needed that phone to ring, this was stifling. Please let the next call be a woman in labour, a very long simple, safe labour, but get me out of here please! Let no harm come to is too anyone, this is too painful and there is so little I can offer in way of comfort.

Relief finally! Just as the plum pudding and brandy sauce was being served, again thanks to Chummy.

Dring, dring, dring! Sister Bernadette and Dr Turner nearly knocked each other over in their urgency to answer the blasted thing. However, while the pair of them were untangling chair legs and actually getting themselves more entwined. Sister Julienne beat them to it.

Patrick took a deep breath. Nothing too bad, too cruel on Christmas Day, but something, maybe a lonely old pensioner, just needs some company.

Sister Bernadette took a deep breath. Nothing too bad, a multiple birth, twins, that would take time and be joyous.

Sister Julienne answered, "Mother Jesu Emanuel, Merry Christmas."

Dr Turner and Sister Bernadette returned to their seats and looked their plum pudding square in the face. Silently and slightly sullenly, the pair focused on their dessert and rather rich sauce. Suddenly they both dropped their spoons in response to a rather loud noise.

No, this wasn't the telephone, but rather a call of a different nature. With its very own calling card, a rather pungent odour. Someone was suffering from a bout of flatulence.

Dr Turner immediately swivelled in his chair and glared at his son. Timothy, who was obviously well aware of why his father was glaring at him, was shaking his head furiously and mouthing, "Not Me," at his dad.

Dr Turner flicked his eyes from his wide-eyed son to the rest of the dining party. They incredibly continued chatting as normal and quite loudly, especially Trixie. He didn't mind; it was nice to see the young nurse enjoying herself and letting her hair down. She was a grafter; she deserved it. But the smell! Well, they were nurses after all, probably immune.

He was just about to admonish Timothy again when he felt a tug on his sleeve.

What was she going to say?

Not only had she had to endure Christmas dinner with the dullest man on Earth. Unfortunately, they sat only inches apart. She must have just had the same experience as him. His mind was racing. Now what must she think?

He turned his head slowly in response to the sleeve tug. The first thing he noticed was the pale almost opaque skin of Sister Bernadette was pink, very pink indeed. She had a rosy glow across her cheeks. Her eyes, those blue eyes, were throwing off a light show only he could see. When he was able to tear his eyes away from those northern lights, he noticed she was biting her bottom lip and seemed to be shivering.

Suddenly she was able to release her bottom lip for a moment and mouth to him, "Not Timothy." She cast a glance down the table past Timothy. Patrick's eyes followed and so did his son's and the colour returned to Tim's cheeks. Relieved he was off the hook and also because he wouldn't have to be the one to drop his dining companion in it.

Patrick now aware that he and his family had not disgraced themselves, looked back at Sister Bernadette. Who now seemed to be steadying herself, with her left hand firmly attached to the seat of her chair. Still pink, still quivering. She was in hysterics, silent, hidden hysterics. Trying for the life of her to not show it. He could only be about nine inches away from her. For the first time since Patrick Turner had walked through those convent doors that morning, a genuine ghost of a smile crossed his face.

He looked at her, really looked at her, maybe for the first time. She was pretty. Well yes, he knew that, but at this moment, she was simply radiant. She was sat only a few inches away shuddering with joy, trying to suppress an almighty laugh. In almost ten years of working with her, she had always been so proper, always been so professional, always been so self controlled. Right now, Sister Bernadette's control was slipping.

This was much more enticing than two types of stuffing. He was that close. He didn't sit him there-that was Sister Julienne's doing-he didn't even want to be there. Did he?

"You know if you hold on to that chair much harder, you are going to break it."

He was close enough, just for only her to hear the soft whisper in her ear. The rose pink turned to scarlet, not just across her cheeks but also down her neck, her shivering turned to a gentle rocking. He knew he should stop, of course he knew….

"If you bite that lip any harder, you might need me to take a look at that."

He didn't quite get the reaction he was looking for. Her head turned to face him, chin-up, and she stared straight into his eyes, blue into green.

"Best behaviour please, Doctor." She managed to squeak through gritted teeth.

It was at that point Sister Evangelina's battle with the sprouts came to its climax. Dr Turner and Sister Bernadette were somehow in suspended animation. The game had suddenly changed, they both knew the one to take their eyes away from the other would be the first one to break into fits of laughter.

Sister Bernadette found herself grasping the chair even harder, and Dr Turner found he was doing the same thing. Meanwhile, Timothy was making the adults to his right, look like primary school children. Hardly batting an eye or losing track in his conversation with his table mate. While she remained as unnerved as ever.

Suddenly, the stalemate was broken. Trixie trying to relate a story to a less than attentive Jenny, resorted in wild hand gestures and in doing so knocked over her wineglass. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you looked at it, it was only half full.

For the first time the table hushed and focused on one person, well almost everyone that is. Dr Turner and Sister Bernadette eyes flicked to Trixie and then back at each other. Not wanting the now mortally embarrassed nurse, to think they were laughing at her, they hung on to their self control.

The tables focus soon moved to another when Sister Monica Joan suddenly exclaimed out of nowhere. "Not only have I been subjected to a stench that would only be outdone by Vesuvius in eruption. Now, that inebriated young woman has just shed her wine all over the mince pies!"

The awkward silence that followed was broken by a sudden loud girlish giggle, that had lost any hope of censure and a deep masculine laugh, that had been begging for air, for too long. An eyebrow or two were raised in the direction of the ridiculous hilarity, but it was fleeting. The release of the built up tension in the pair seemed to influence everyone. Permission had been given for everyone to forgive, relax, smile and carry on and to clear up the mess.

Timothy took on the responsibility of rescuing the mince pies. Relieved that a reason to be excused from the table had finally presented itself. What no-one else saw was that on Sister Monica Joan's outburst, Sister Bernadette's resistance finally broke. She lost all control and could no longer contain the mirth mounting up within herself. Feeling unnerved and unbalanced, she felt unstable in her chair and grabbed the nearest thing available to steady herself. It wasn't until she required her left hand to help her remove her glasses and dry her tear stained eyes. That she became aware that what she was using to steady herself was in fact the doctor's leg. Just above the knee.

The one thing she was never able to comprehend, not then, not later that same night, not even in the sanatorium, was why before removing her hand from the doctor's leg? Did she first look left, to see if Timothy had noticed and then look right, to see if Sister Julienne had noticed. It was only when she was finally certain that neither had noticed, did she then and only then, remove her hand from its inappropriate mooring.

As people stood to clear the table, the was one person Sister Bernadette was definitely not going to look at. Even though she knew he was looking at her. Sister Bernadette had been searching all night for something to quell her school girl giggles, and now she had found it. Grabbing the doctor's knee in the possible full view of his son and her superior certainly did the trick. She had found her cure.

Sister Bernadette's back stiffened, her demeanour changed. She rose steadily from her chair. "Excuse me, Dr Turner," she said without a hint of a smile, eyes completely focused on his shoulder.

"Of course," he replied with just a hint of amusement, which she chose to ignore. She knew he was watching her walk through to the kitchen, but she wouldn't look back, she would never catch herself looking back for him. She remembered this silent promise, ten months later on a misty road in the Essex countryside.