#oh no i have no friends to bean
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Dopplegänger
Uh oh.
(Og Photo:)
#The Twitter people seemed to like this a lot so may as well post it here!#Broker bean design yea….#I really like that silly#This was a small VERY MUCH needed stress reliever I made for fun#I have been in the GUTTERS with art recently oh my god#I have stuff planned though! It just may take me a while to finish them/get them posted :’DDD#I’ll get more stuff done soon- I just needed a small piece to calm me down because I’ve been pretty stressed lately with a lot of things#I think once school kicks up again I’ll have a LOT more art (and personal projects like a real life matching medkit and subspace cosplay-#With a friend!) so there WILL be food soon#It may just take me a bit to get it done#art#phighting#phighting fanart#digital art#phighting roblox#phighting art#roblox#roblox phighting#phighting!#artists on tumblr#roblox fanart#roblox art#roblox game#roblox design#phighting! roblox#phighting! art#broker#PHIGHTING! Broker#the broker phighting#fanart
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My great-uncle runs grocery stores and he told me about having to close down the one by the university because the students never bought fresh perishable foods there and (though I haven't been a college student these 6 years) I still am very proud of myself whenever my grocery list is just perishables
#today i got kale arugula smoked salmon apple lemon green beans and coconut milk#to be supplemented by chicken pot pie (homemade w homemade broth and chicken fat to make the roux) and butternut squash soup#and chia seed pudding and eggs to feed me for the week#am i like. a healthy eater?? i know i am but the amount of greens i actually want to eat rn is shocking#also hello i'm barely clinging to life and health in the aftermath of 2 trips in 2 weeks but i AM clinging#i am fed i worked out outside i am showing up at work and getting it done#i still have an entire conference paper to write in the next 8 days#and i need to get my car repaired#AND apply for a job (many things have changed in me so fast job-wise#but i can't really post about it til i journal about it but that won't happen for days)#my soul is so full though i got so much physical touch and saw beloved friends and their children#4 parently professors 10 dear friends and 3 children IT WAS THE BEST#and then today i had dinner with my friends here and goofed with the twins so :) all's well :)#i just am on a tight deadline to get my body and life stabilized before next weekend i take another road trip and pms#love you all i hold you dearly i intend to send forth mail. once i'm sane at home again. which may not happen til december#oh! and my copy of deep secret by diana wynne jones came in the mail while i was gone#and! i got to the colorwork part of my sweater and it looks AWESOME
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I wish we got more moments of the Walkers being Family like. The opening of “Brave New World” where Hesh says he let Logan sleep a bit longer because he figured he could use the rest set the bar too high for the rest of the campaign. You don’t really get anything like that line again - there’s the “Sin City” and “The Ghost Killer” cutscenes as well but those are both high tension, ‘holy shit don’t hurt my brother/I am dying son but I’m proud of you’ lines. And honestly Hesh’s “All or Nothing” Rorke File where he talks about his misplaced guilt after losing Elias…it’s almost a bit weird that he doesn’t reference how Logan is handling it at all (especially considering he was the one manhandled into shooting their father).
I guess the first unlockable Rorke File where Elias talks about taking the boys to the beach counts, and Hesh’s “Logan’s got my back, and I got his. He’s my brother.” but it just feels a bit stilted compared to the natural tenderness of the “Brave New World” opening.
#ra speaks#personal#cod ghosts#call of duty ghosts#david hesh walker#logan walker#elias walker#beans are you seriously complaining about a decade old game’s character writing?#yes. yes I am.#there’s way more to complain about to the whole. everything that is the ghosts worldbuilding.#but as someone with lil bros they really dropped the ball on drawing the connection between hesh and logan#hesh should have been panicking on comms more in the hunted that’s all I’m saying#or at least give me a post mission ‘jesus fuck thank good you’re alright we really need to get you an aac device bro’ moment#oh your nonverbal brother got separated from everyone in a fucking plane crash? no need to worry a friend saw him get snagged on some trees#(which he could very much have been dead for as you do see other soldiers corpses caught up in the trees)#also the Angst™ of Elias’ death being so focused on Hesh like…bro you didn’t pull the trigger.#speaking of like. did hesh even tell the other ghosts. elias is just listed as KIA in the file.#hmmmm#<- has spent all day achievement hunting and replaying levels multiple times
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Some people are very good at talking to a group and creating an environment where all of them feel very welcome and proactively making sure people are included in all aspects of the conversation and then some people talk to a group as if they are trying to keep everyone divided? Like they are using inside jokes that only one person understands or talk in a guarded way that suggests they are everyone's closest confidant but no one else is allowed to know each other. No real point, I'm just thinking about how much I would rather be the first type of person but how much more common I think the second is
#bean talks#this isn't @ anything that is happening now or has happened recently#i was just thinking about a friend I havent talked to in years and how good she was at this kind of thing?#she'd get everyone in a discussion together and yeah maybe there would be something shed bring up that I wouldnt understand#but shed always turn to the people who didnt know and be like 'oh joe played pippin in our high school production btw'#it was just so nice and especially when i was the new friend it really made me feel welcomed and included#plus it just made it easier to talk to the other people because shed just be like#'omg you should tell bren your quantum joke. theyre studying physics and have so-and-so professor right now'#like it just took away so much tension and gave people a starting point#whereas now i feel like i walk into conversations as the person who doesnt know things and isnt allowed to know things#and maybe this is just my perception but i feel like younger people tend to be the worst about this?#like it seems as though younger people want to be viewed as 'in the know' with everyone by keeping others out ?#i'm sure that's not just a older/younger thing#it's probably very different for people who view themselves as more extroverted vs introverted#and just a general maturity level#but yeah idk i was just thinking i wanted to be better about that ahh
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would someone make lunch for me 🥺 i got all the ingredients we just need the manpower
#i got chicken salmon tofu eggs chickpeas beans whatever protein you’d like . oh even beef im pretty sure#there’s veggies too and rice and wraps and noodles and pasta like we’re STOCKED up#i just. don’t wannnnnnaaaaaaaaaaa i don’t wanna 😭#i might just do something super lazy i just wanna have fun todayyy i went to the flea market and then im going meet up w friends later and#right now i wanna be CHILLING i don’t wanna MAKE FOOD 😡
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felix: [takes limerick aside early in the campaign and confides, with difficulty because he's ashamed about it, that he sometimes has trouble speaking at all, because he wants at least someone to have fair warning ahead of it possibly coming up if he's gonna be traveling in a group for any amount of time]
limerick the first time felix mostly loses speech: you've been really quiet, everything okay? do you have any thoughts to add [to this discussion]? :)
limerick last session when simon lowkey assigned felix to go do a social encounter: I'll go with you, to help with the talking :)
limerick as soon as we're in the social encounter: [looks directly at felix, expectantly]
#felix: [dissociating] no yeah that's fine#the thing about the latter bit is that felix could have handled it better if he hadn't been DROPPED on a TRUSTFALL fgkjhdfg#he's not... shy per se or inherently uncomfortable about talking to people he just worries he's going to screw it up#so that was more 'oh perfect I can figure out where that npc is and limerick will talk to her. teamwork!' and relaxing into an expectation#and then getting rugpulled lol#[sigh] anyway none of this effects felix's FEELINGS about limerick really but like. it IS going to effect their relationship#ah boy he is not gonna remember if I tell him important and sensitive things about myself#and he's gonna try to be proactively kind and supportive in ways that are actively worse than if he hadn't#I guess I'd better just not confide in him or let my guard down enough to lean on him for support then :\#WHICH LIKE-- it is what it is but ah beans :')#reminding myself that pulling away from relationships rather than advocate for himself is A Character Flaw I gave the lad on purpose.....#can't set up uncomfortable situations if I'm not prepared to then play in the uncomfortable space.....#you have one(1) friend and he's so so so bad at listening to you or understanding you and you just gotta deal with that#he's gonna actively stress you out A Lot but you'd better not say anything to him about it or you'll end up with No Friends (again)#AH ALSO to be clear: this seems like a lot of projecting based on a couple minor things early in the campaign BUT#I should clarify that a lot of the 'oh god yep here we go' is coming from ME who's played dnd with this friend for many years lmao#no yeah this was Going To Happen and I'm not surprised but AH MAN. AH BEANS......
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Just realized I forgot to post these
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#these guys are from the same story as the grape twins btw#root beer is their cousin and one of the four main characters#dragons beard is merlot's boyfriend and fellow antagonist#and lemon taffy is the older sibling of one of the other main characters who spends most of the story 'kidnapped'#and by kidnapped I mean the super villain polycule asked them if they could help them with some tests and they went 👍#important context! lemon taffy (and their two siblings) are the kids of three superheroes and merlot and fox grape are the kids of four#supervillains both of which are mostly absent for the main story (although the supervillains at least get to be more of side characters)#the heroes are off in space dealing with alien political drama that doesn't matter to the main plot#the two groups have a fairly casual rivalry but they still have genuine beef#merlot and fox grape were left home alone after their parents set out to work on some big project and merlot took the chance to go fuck#off and get a boyfriend to do crime with leaving fox grape desperately trying to find them and get them to come back home#and for the other side root beer was roped into helping rescue lemon taffy by their two younger siblings pop rock and jelly bean#he and pop rock are the main duo on that side with jelly bean being their guy in the chair#merlot and dragons beard are mostly antagonists to those three with fox grape and the other main guy cayenne pepper chasing after them#cayenne is dragon beards childhood friend and I have never drawn him before despite adoring him 😔#hes such a piece of shit I love him#in my old original concepts for him he was going to be an incel but then my brain went but what if. aro. and I instantly hard committed#hes a bitchy asshole who's made all the more annoying by the fact that his anxieties are low key completely justified#hes a sad wet cat abandoned in a cardboard box all alone 😔#oh yeah also worth noting that root beer is a vampire who has a strained relationship with his adoptive dads#oh and dragons beard's parents are a dragon and a royal fae so he has a lot of power that he doesnt know how to use lol#lemon taffy is like. sort of part dragon in a very distant way? their grandma was a failed revival of an old god who was a dragon who made#their dad out of her own magic which included that same magic from the dragon god who was basically made of magic#so he was also sort of part dragon but not really? idk its complicated#merlot and fox grape are miraculously not part dragon somehow despite my track record of making too many ppl dragons in this world#they are however vampires and also directly decend from a god so thats fun
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; I think smth that is very eye-opening is when you realise you yourself fall into a lot of groups that, by the masses, have been decided as The People To Hate™ and it's so like .. Woah, all these people fucking despise me and I'm over here js, being me ?? My crime is being myself lol ??
#text post#random thought#like ..#I'm some peoples WORST nightmare and it's so funny to me bc these are things that like#are so ?? Not that important and / or earth shattering ??#But also oh my stars people genuinely despise who I am .. 😀#neurodivergent#queer#but in the angled oriented aroacespec multigender transmasc xenogender using lesboy and neo loving type queer#even other lgbtqia+ ppl hate me !! Lol like what !!#I also have no friends ??#not even in the sad way but like I js idk don't have any#I'm an atheist#and a firm believer in peoples rights and like yk#Js a nightmare to a lot of ppl ..#I'm also british like I've done no wrong /j#( there's so many reasons why Britain sucks i'm sorry </3 /lh /lh /lh but also /gen like eugh the UK <<#except Queen that's like the exception ..#and Mr Bean#They can stay#lgbtqia+
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Every now and then I remember the times I would mention to my flatmate that I was thinking of buying myself something reasonably expensive (that I had been eyeing up for months and had budgeted for) and she'd tell me that I shouldn't spend that much money on something I didn't need and it would be stupid etc etc while she regularly impulse bought things that cost at least as much and she would use once (while complaining that she was under a lot of financial stress and couldn't afford <$3/week for 2 months for a rental washing machine when ours broke). She is... perhaps not my first call for financial advice
#like I get that you're financially stressed but also it feels a bit rich to complain about it when you're on student allowance (not loan)#and your parents still contribute to things for you even though allowance is supposed to be for people whose parents can't afford to help#and you get multiple scholarships a year even though you're technically not eligible for half of them anymore but then as soon as the money#comes in from those you spend it all on a brand new dress for your sister's hen's do picnic because you can't wear the same dress as you#will for the actual hen's night or the wedding. Better buy a full price one at an expensive store instead of looking in a single op shop or#borrowing one from one of your three sisters who are all roughly the same size#god life must be so tough for you getting the same amount of money as the rest of us on student loan except you only have to pay back half#like the only money you have to live off is the same as what the rest of us get + scholarships (plural) plus what you earnt in your summer#internship? how could you possibly survive??#anyway I am NOT a fan of people who are like 'oh you say you have no money for rent but you have a phone?' because that's bullshit#and the whole 'millenials need to stop eating avocado toast so they can buy a house' thing is also bullshit#however. If you pay $60/week for a gym when you have access to the free uni one (or any other gym in the country is like $20)#and you buy uber eats multiple times a week for like $30+ each time despite having a premade meal in the fridge. and you get multiple#scholarships which mean you are arguably among the more well off students. AND you impulse buy things that cost over $100 regularly#then maybe the problem is not that you don't have enough money to split the rental costs of a washing machine (<$3 each/week)#maybe you are just bad with money#which is fine like it's not like it's unfixable it's just annoying when you act like you're worse off than people whose only money is what#they get from student loan each week so they eat beans on rice for dinner for a week#because that's all they could afford (yes I know people who did this. Yes she complained more than them)#so no I don't think I'm gonna be taking financial advice from you babes because one of us has entertained the idea of a budget to help with#finances and it's not you xx#(she turned down offers of financial help/advice/books to borrow from multiple people multiple times. I 100% get that you might not want to#talk to people about it especially your friends but we had multiple books on finances lying around the flat which she always said she didn't#need. And then she'd continue to complain that she didn't have enough money#god forbid you suggest something like going to a cheaper gym (or worse. The perfectly fine free uni gym!)#again. Her gym cost $60/week for most of last year until they brought in a student discount which was 'only' $45/week#the next most expensive gym chain I can find costs maybe $30/week for the highest membership level#to get what she was getting she would only need like a $20 membership#BUT to be fair she wouldn't get such strong culty vibes at any other gym#lol anyway sorry for the rant. I could keep going but apparently you can only have 30 tags and this is the last one
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sometimes I think about my years as a scout. and then wonder how im still alive/sane
#WHEN DID I WRITE THIS??? HELLO??#i have no memory of doing this but my drafts were empty last week????#we did a competition camp and we burned everything. set baked beans on fire set a tub of butter on fire#i ate a basically raw sweet potato because we were tired of waiting for it to cook more#someone in my troopgot paid 20p to drink a concotion of out of date juice dirt water and stick pieces (he did it)#i sat and read a warrior cats book in the shared tent while my friends pretended to have gay sex next to me#(i say pretend because they were still fully clothed#that was just one camp#and then at the scout hut we had a box of expired foods that wed occasionally go thru#and my sister got tricked into eating a green marshmallow and got food poisoning#(i didnt eat it bc i was suspicious of why they were giving out free food)#i had a knife thrown at me multiple times. most notable being when someone (weird drink guy) thought i was tryna steal his chair#we werent allowed pocketknives at camp after that#one of the leaders hated me. told me i looked miserable all the time and didnt like that i was vegetarian#but its fine bc he was a dick. made us clean his car okce because it was a “learning experience”#my parents paid for me to go to scouts#i talk to none of the people from there anymore#oh and the majority of the boys had a weird obsession with my sister. and would ask me how to talk to her#i think it really shaped me as a person tbh
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I only knew jellycat plushies as the like cute weird food plushies I didn’t realize they had so so many other plushies I might have a new favorite monster plushie???
#the person behind the yarn#I opted not to get the cat plushie that's the one I had as a kid#because it hasn't been made in more than 20 years and I am very sensitive to smells#and have no way to know what smells will have seeped into 20 year old faux fur#but yeah I placed an order from jellycat and THEN found the monster#(I got a pig and an elephant)#I spent too much of my adult life saying things like 'oh yeah I make a lot of stuffed animals and I have them everywhere#and love the ones my friends made me but I'm really not that much of a stuffed animal person I don't think'#I was WRONG I am stuffed animal person#I am embracing it. I love stuffed animals. I am going to buy them even though I can make them#to heck with it! I want the tiny adorable pig plushie and the cuddly floppy elephant plushie#I want to get a bean bag chair or one of those bowl chairs and cover it with plushies until it's a super cozy dragon hoard#(I do not know if I will actually go with the dragon hoard plan? I'll be moving again in a few months and idk how much space I'll have)
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why didn’t anyone tell me that hyperfixating on food was a part of adhd i just thought it was some weird separate thing that i get addicted to a singular meal and eat nothing else for like a month before forgetting said food exists and moving onto something else
#adhd#said meals have included:#smoothie bowls#this peanut butter banana chocolate baked oats recipe i always made into waffles#burritos with my homemade beans and homemade taco sauce#and currently tator tots with chili and cheese#which i have eaten twice today#i mentioned this to my mother and she was like ‘oh yeah you always did that as a kid’#this is just like when my mom asked if she had ‘told her friend’#who went ‘what that [my name] is asexual?#‘no you didn’t’#this was from a grown ass woman i hadnt seen in years#as in#i hadnt seen her since i had come out to myself#this bitch probably had me clocked at like five#my siblings were joking around about me and her son getting together when we were older#and she already knew i was gay as hell#see this is called a tangent it is another part of adhd
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My entire uni process since I applied three years ago has just been accompanied by a series of my parents getting pissed at me about information they made up, like how are you mad at me about stories you created
#Uni shenanigans#+Extra#personal#ace is a grumpy bean#im sorry theyve really set me off i cant even deal with my own sht without them making up a problem to be mad at me about even when im not#there like fck i already moved to the other side of the country which sure its not far but was the best i could do without a passport#im kinda dealing with all my childhood trauma right now its kinda bringing it all back for some reason#but its been like this the whole time they convince themselves they know things and then get mad about them when thats not even the case#and its not like they fcking listen to me anyway when im the one actually experiencing it and its not like i dont lie to them#i absolutely do but those arent the things they get mad about which makes it extra bizarre#like asking my dad to be my guarantor for my flat last year and i explained that it was the same as first year but instead of being#assigned random flatmates i would be with my friends and he was like 'oh you want me to be your friends guarantor and pay their rent?#im not doing it' and i was like ?? no you theyre parents have already agreed to be their guarantors were all paying separate rents for#separate rooms its the same as last year but i dont get assigned a random flatmate and you didnt pay my rent last year what#and then he started claiming he wasnt my guarantor last year but you cant rent without a guarantor as a student? and i certainly didnt#have a rental history before first year so obviously i needed one what are you on and he just kept getting pissed that i was tryna force#him to pay my friends rent its just been that kinda sht over and over for 3 years with a side of threatening my autonomy when im home#im just so tired and fcking frustrated and i just wanna lose my sht at him about it cus its not like we talk we dont have a relationship#and yet hes still finding things to have a problem with me about when i got enough to deal with as is like youre not getting money from me#right now do you want me to starve? i got grocery and laundry money and tuition thats it there aint no spare money you shouldnt have made#poor financial decisions so you could bully money out of me assuming id be home for the summer only for it to backfire cus#now you owe sht and moneys tight and i aint coming back
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when you're in a really controversial fandom and you do this so hard that when you leave the fandom you can still show your new friends your old art and they believe you when you say its just a random character design you made up
drawing your fave character so much that you don’t use references anymore and enough time passes that they start looking pretty dramatically different than they do officially. i call this the Lover’s Scrunch
#i used to be really into mcyt like a year ago#im still emotionally damaged from it??#thats beside the point#but like its really awkward when you show an irl friend your older art#and they say one of two things#“oh my god youre into mcyt?? me too!!”#in which case they accidentally rehash all the baggage youre carrying ab it#or “oh my god youre into mcyt? what the fuck”#and then you have to explain that youre not anymore and that you just feel really proud of how good your drawing was#beans vent
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i know my biggest red flag finally.....
......i do not like most sweets, im very picky abt them actually, and i REALLY dont like chocolate unless its in very specific forms
#hadjfkakdhskkajff#this feels out of the blue but i saw a silly red flags post the other day and its been rotating in my mind since#and then i just saw a video of that chocolatier guy making some kind of new chocolate thing idek#and it was like chocolate baked flaky roll with a cookie on top??? and it made me gag#cause the thought of even a chocolate cookie let alone All that chocolate made my teeth and tummy hurt#the sweets i tend to like are like...... spiced#spice cakes. pumpkin or sweet potato pie. i do like those breakfast pastries but i dont always end up finishing them#i like vanilla cake but NOT french vanilla. plain vanilla or vanilla bean. i cannot stand anything that tastes too much like a candle#i like some candies - most fruity or sour but when it comes to chocolate based things its like. coated items. like almond joys or 100 grand#i do like tootsie rolls but that's bc they taste like PLASTIC!#and I frequently get the urge to eat plastic so yk. good to have substitutes#anyway ahkflajdkflajdjf sorry for the 10am lore drop#OH AND I DO LOVE SWEETS THAT ARE NUT BASED BC THEY'RE ALWAYS LESS SWEET#(almond croissants my beloved)#im much more of a savory person tho and i have so many friends who would die if i had nuts near them so i usually only have these things#like at home or alone
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Random Asks/Memes (Accepting)
@hopestanding said: am i to assume you are the expert? ( jihoon my time traveler oc @ daljae )
"I'm definitely not an expert but I just don't think is a good idea" .
Because as much as he wanted to believe he had it under control testing it in front of so many people was definitely not going to work he was already getting anxious about the whole situation so if he attempted to use his powers right now he was pretty sure it would blow on their faces.
#« DJS × Answered »#hopestanding#; I really don't know what I'm doing here but he was like “ Oh ohhh let me have a new friend plsss plss ” )#; So I couldn't say no :'D also he is not very good with people he is very awkward bean so bare with him XD)
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