#oh my gosh though this podcast is so… wow

[shy-sapphic-ace]

Old Gods of Appalachia gives me the same vibes as listening to music by Lord Huron— it’s just the perfect blend of supernatural and folktales and being so deep in the woods it feels like the light can’t reach you anymore, and I am absolutely in love.

^ I mean, this is exactly what listening to the podcast feels like (at least to me)

[court-jobi]

Reheat

((banner by me! I don't own Horikoshi's work OR the mindblowing art of @gsony24))

Pairing: Midoriya x reader (support-hero!reader x teacher Izuku)

Words: 2.5k

Rating: G~

Warnings: comfort fic, tooth-rotting fluff here y'all, established relationship, work stress (livin' vicariously), talks of the future, a few fem pronouns used, but generally gender-neutral

Summary:

Izuku letting himself into your home after a long day has become comfortable background noise, and one you love to hear while you're bogged down. Work has been following you home all week. He's proud of you, without a doubt... But equally concerned when he sees your dinner half-eaten, your mind scatterbrained and racing faster than he can anchor you, and your angel eyes in desperate need of some TLC. He's cemented his place in your heart- and sees no reason he can't make himself at home here already.

A/N: do I have bigger fics in mind? Yes. Did I write this instead of sleeping bc I love soft, encouraging Deku? Also yes. Izuku Midoriya is a motivational speaker.

For my My Hero Academia Masterlist, check it out here!

Read on AO3

“Hey honey! I’m here!”

Over the tinny, background chatter of a podcast streaming from your phone, you call back to Izuku letting himself in.

“Hey you~” You throw interest into your voice, but still stayed tuned into your work.

“Ooo what’s this… What did you make here on the stove?”

“Risotto– it’s Italian~ has lots of veggies and good stuff in it,” you didn’t stop your typing pace, engrossed too heavily in getting an email out before you forget about it and Gmail has to ‘nudge’ you, again, “-gave it a Japanese spin with what I had in the house.”

“Oh wow– oh my gosh, honey��� this is so good!”

You look up since your darling man has just appeared in your doorway, sparkly eyed to see you, but equally sated by what’s just graced his mouth. It was a meal you could babysit between taking a quick shower, getting ready for work, letting its flavors marry in the fridge throughout the day, and popping back on the stove that night.

“I’m glad, happy you like it~”

“D’you eat?” Izuku asks, midbite.

“Mhm. Little bit ago,” You motion to your bowl- but when he comes alongside you, he tuts over noting it's only half empty.

“You didn't finish- you feelin’ ok?”

Having circled back onto your screen, you double take again, this time caught by his perception check over you and feeling guilty. 

“Oh. Guess I didn't. I’ll nuke it up here in a bit.”

Izuku, setting down his bowl and starting the -normally alluring- task of rolling up his shirt sleeves to his forearms, comes to your side. However since you’re paying little mind to your peripherals, you missed the show the was making of it. A simple ask of ‘what’re you working on’ came from him, sounding no different than if he wasn't trying to make eyes at you; fact was, you just weren't paying attention.

“Just some stuff for the interns,” the sight of how many tabs are open on your split screen -and in your mind- make you sigh, “With this new role, I kinda feel like you some days. Lesson plans, processing their paperwork; it’s all the stuff you had to turn in as an intern– only now I'm the one dealing with it on the backend.”

Izuku sifted around though your training materials and your propped tablet making itself useful as a second screen. At your handwritten to-do list that’s one of the only things non-digitized nowadays, he makes an offhand comment that your handwriting is nice. It's the kind of cute, ‘blink-and-you’d-miss-it’ things he says that you just hum to, whether you were really listening or not.  

When you glance up to him again, you see he’s watching you with a caring gaze and feel caught.

 “What’re you looking at?” you tease, typing again to break the silence.

“A pretty girl…” Izuku teased lightly, “who doesn’t know when to take a break.”

You type away at his call out– the need for a night off at Izuku’s side is exactly why you've been working so hard at this. You figured you'd get some of this extra prep work under control now, so by the time he rolls around on Wednesday for your standing date n–

You freeze. 

Realizing what day it is in your planner.  It's Wednesday. For dinner.

“Oh my God- -you’re here.”

“Mhmmm~” Izuku really doesn't want to laugh, but his sucking in of a lip isn't hiding it well. 

“ohmygod imtheworst!!” you refresh your face in both hands, talking through the gaps.

“You are not!” Izuku chuckled, setting your notes down. “You just got busy with all the new tasks, because you’re just that good.” 

A faithful, scarred hand comes over to smooth over your back, pulling you over into a little half hug. You sink against him, relishing in his little forehead kiss. He can try all he likes to cure your embarrassment, but you look to him apologetically.

“I’ve never forgotten our dinner dates, ‘Zuku…”

Your darling shrugged unbothered, “Had to happen sometime. It’s no big deal.”

“Is to me,” you pressed- very much bothered.

“Honey,” Izuku chips your chin up, “You’re too hard on yourself. It’s ok, these things happen! I mean, you still made a delicious dinner; even if it was a bit of an oversight I would -in fact- be eating it.”

The pang of guilt hits you at forgetting. This was just a symptomatic sign that the brilliance of your taking on the additional role of Education Coordinator at the agency was perhaps an over-zealous one. Not only to be on-call for your base job as a linguistics quirk specialist, but to balance another full time role on the office hours end? Why did you convince Fatgum this was a good idea? It sounded like a stellar idea back at the beginning of the summer…

Now you’re forgetting not just who you’re supposed to be eating with- but also eating in general.

“I’m glad you did,” you boost Izuku’s elephant-like memory, “It feels so normal to have you here, it's not like I completely forgot I’d see you today. I just– maybe I… thought I was gonna take some to you, since I wouldn't see you till later in the week? I dunno.”

“C’mere- never got a real hug.” 

You rise at his hand’s insistence, and stretch up into his full, healing embrace. 

“Hi baby,” you cooed pitifully.

“Hi, my angel. Missed you today.”

You hummed at the affection, sinking into his neck more out of your residual misery.

Izuku simply took advantage of you being close to sway you in his wide stance- a dance, sans music.

“I appreciate you cooking so much for us,” he spoke gently from his perch over your shoulder, “I was looking forward to it all day, y’know? You’re always so thoughtful with everything you make.”

He’s pressing into you with compliments- against your hard wiring to accept…

“‘Zuku.”

“It’s true~ you’re generous! You remember what my favorites are, and leave out the stuff I don’t like; you even send me leftovers. And you make snacks and treats for when the midnight munchies strike– what can’t you do?”

“Zuku…”

“And you–” he runs a hand through your hair as he sways your shy self back and forth, “-- make for the most funny, beautiful, fascinating, most inspiring company I could ever hope to share a meal with.”

Head thunking onto his shoulder, you playfully land a closed fist on his chest with a muffled, whiny plea for him to stop.

He sighs, all in good humor.

“This streak of yours... I really have my work cut out for me, don’t I? Still can’t imagine how bad it must be in that brilliant mind that my incredible girlfriend has such a hard time accepting the tiniest compliment. Maybe it’s all that late night American comedy you watch...”

You exhale then fix him with your coolest look of sarcasm, anything to show that you have a modicum of having your shit together. So you cope with humor- who doesn't?

–shame that it looks too much like a pout and makes you decidedly not threatening at all, because Izuku just beams brightly at you in response.

“Oh! Now there’s my melty princess- I was wondering where she went.”

And at that, the aloofness was gone, and you snort into a laugh and hug him tighter around the neck. He even scoops you up and gives you one little twirl for good measure. 

When he set you down, Izuku cups your face in his hands and gifts you a few more forehead kisses before demanding your sights. 

“Now. We need to get you to finish eating first. Then, what can I do to help you tonight, hm? How can I make things easier for you?”

With a softer eye to your desk’s work, you sat back down staying connected to your ever doting Izuku by way of your hand in his. You tried again to focus back. You're newly refreshed by his affections and attempt for a more positive outlook, 

“Well, my goal of doing this tonight was so that I didn’t have to go in early tomorrow. Course, if I do run myself ragged tonight, I won't be any good to anyone there– or for you, here. But I think if I pare it down to just getting these e-sigs ready and getting their time-in checklists set up for their work study onboarding, that would give me a good enough start, and I can fill in the rest of their packets tomorrow. But that means I’d need -ugh- maybe… another hour of work tonight?” you looked to him for his approval, “I have a template, so it shouldn’t take me forever.”

“Alright! You’re the boss,” Izuku supported your plan with a smile, “How about I take care of the kitchen for you while you finish up?”

“You do not have to clean my kitchen!” you spouted back, offended– causing a laugh to burst from him, “It’s not funny! I didn’t ask you to come over after a day of work yourself to just slave away at my mess.”

Izuku fixed you a look, as if you knew better. 

“I think I can tidy up a kitchen, no matter how busy of a day I’ve had. Yours isn't even over yet- so when precisely were you going to have the energy to hammer at it? You’ll enjoy not having that mountain waiting for you.”

You huffed, but smiled gratefully all the same. 

“Besides, it’s just me- doing something nice for the woman I love; and I happen to like doing nice things for you. You deserve a clean space, hun.” 

He cleared off your previous bowl to reheat along with your empty water cup. Shaking the hollow straw inside to where it clinks, he knows exactly what you need and tells you so.

“You are getting a screenless break first, though. Something tells me you didn’t the first time around~”

Settled with a fist propping up your face, you swooned over this darling man. 

Trusting Autosave to have done its job, you shut the laptop down blindly, “Sure didn’t~” 

Izuku just rolled his eyes and stepped out of the study. 

You neaten up the collated stack of applications laid out by you and stepped over to the couch, taking a kneeling perch on the end while you sought out a new record for the player on the side table. Setting one on, it was able to fire up and fill some new life into the room with a movie score you haven’t listened to in a while. Everything just sounds better on vinyl.

When Izuku came back in the room, he’d found his houseshoes and returned with renewed interest to your music choice- and with a pleased expression seeing you actually lounging and taking things easier than how he found you. He traded your reheated meal in exchange for your blue-light glasses, which he’d then clean with a pocket square and set back on your desk once they were smudgeless.

“Now, that’s a better sight~ here you go, all set for later.”

You enjoyed Izuku’s company while finishing dinner, listening to him outline his workday while he cradled your legs in his lap. He'd had a pleasantly eventful one, with plenty to say about it. You’d play ‘two truths and a lie’ sometimes when he didn’t want to bore you with a particularly mind-numbing schedule, which pleased you just as well. You excelled at it, while he gave away his fictions every time- a terrible liar for the game, but great for a faithful partner, you reasoned.  You truly loved hearing him talk and talk, your love only growing at the domesticity of this feeling and never wanting that to change. 

Once you were done, you were honestly content to hear him continue his tangent, but it seems his inner discipline was stronger than yours. 

“Alright, now to attack that sink~”

You bemoaned again for his sake. But since you made such a small, affected noise, Izuku paused mid-rise, and sat back down a bit closer to you. He stretched an arm over the back of the couch, encouraging you to come closer and met you for a sweet kiss in the middle.

His mere presence reverted you to a younger self sometimes– one desperate for his attention, good or bad. It wasn't the loveliest impulse, but he clearly thinks it's all part of your charm seeing as he gives in every time, anyway.

“Thing is,” Izuku spoke softly while adoring the hand now placed in his, “If things keep going the way I think they’re going -the way I hope they’re going- it’s.. not hard to imagine that there’s gonna be both our dishes to clean up all the time. In our kitchen, in our home someday. So this is just practice, right? Seems perfectly normal to me. How it should be.”

That idea bloomed in your chest, the thought of sharing a home with him- where this exchange of chores and time together could be your new normal. Only it would be a future where he didn’t have to leave at the end of the night and go back to a bed with compact, collegiate-designed storage at the campus accommodations he stays in on the instructor's wing. He’s got enough to get him by, but he noticeably prefers your home here closer to downtown.

“And what happens when we both wanna ditch the dishes?” you countered sweetly.

Izuku smirked, “That’s what a dishwasher is for. Another thing we’d own together…”

“Forward thinking, there.” You relished that idea. 

Izuku nuzzled your forehead thoughtfully. 

“You’ve been doing things on your own for a long time– and it shows, sweetheart.”

His words came carefully, from a tender place spoken in confidence between you, referring to when you’ve spent other late nights like this one fueled with hot tea and a desire to keep ignoring the clock.

“And I know you’ve been used to that since you’ve been traveling so much, not even having roommates to help keep you company or lighten the load. I keep wishing I could have known you sooner, had more time with you before you had to learn some of those things the hard way… but I’m happy I get the chance to, now. I’m here now, and you’re not alone, so I hope you’ll let me take care of you when I can.”

With another happy sigh forcing your eyes shut, the mental will it took to not let the tears of a perpetual eldest daughter leave you was intense.

Izuku Midoriya never failed to hit the nail on the head when it came to pep talks; he does the same with his students. But why his ones aimed at you had to have a Full Cowling dash of heartfelt anecdotes in it, you don't know. But you're grateful. You're so grateful for him. 

“If you don’t quit talkin’ like that, Izuku, I will never let you leave this condo.”

He chuckled again, lifting your cheek for another kiss, “Twist my arm, love.”

Ultimately, he rose to quit distracting you, but not without you watching him leave with a hunger you’d never felt for another soul before. 

[mimiwrites2000]

Attack On… Podcast!

Archive of Our Own

As the Attack on Titan series comes to an end after ten years, the cast is reunited in hosting a podcast, talking about their times on the set of the filming, their friendships, and all in-between.

And well, shenanigans are inevitable.

Attack on Titan acting AU, as the cast host a podcast, and interview the rest of the cast.

Episode 01

Armin: On that day, mankind received a grim reminder. We lived in fear of the Titans and were disgraced to live in these cages we called walls.

Eren: Wow, you made me travel back so many years, that was so long ago.

Armin: I know… I just love saying it, it's a cool way to start a series–

Eren: Welcome! everyone to the Attack on Titan podcast! Where we share our experiences, stories, and behind the scenes from the set of, Attack on Titan.

Armin: indeed indeed, and we are totally doing this because we want to, not because the production company is forcing us into it–

Eren: Armin–

Armin: and the marketing these days is crazy but here we are! And we are glad to have you around, we don't know how frequent these podcasts would be, but, yeah, anyway, Eren.

Eren: Y-yes? What?

Armin: How are you?

Eren: … you don't know how podcasts work, do you?

Armin: nope.

Eren: Oh Gosh–

Armin: Sooooo for our first segment, we will be reading some of your tweets from Twitter–

Eren: X, it's called X.

Armin: not in my house, so anyway, the first tweet here says, how hard was it to act with all the green screens and dots and all those effects things, while not being able to see any of those effects in real life?

Eren: Good question, I think that, being part of a project for… ten years, you just become part of the set, you know?

Armin: yeah we don't really have to imagine these effects or try to deal with things that we don't see, it's like we are there, it's like we lived those moments, we also had a really great VFX team and artists who gave very clear instructions, and they provided us with draft samples of how these effects would look like, and… well, considering the rumbling, it was quite… not easy.

Eren: you did a great job with that monologue though.

Armin: well, thank you, and do I have to mention it took me over 34 takes?

Eren: oh yeah we got to a point where we were literally reciting his speech with him.

Armin: but they ended up using the first take, which made me proud but equally pissed off.

Eren: they used the first take?

Armin: yup, and yes, you all could've been spared from memorizing that speech.

Eren mocking: get up! You useless piece of shit!

Armin laughing: Oh God.

Eren: you asshole! I-don't-know what other profanities but some sad other hate-speech things!

Armin: oh well…

Eren: no but good job, it was phenomenal, it'll get you many awards. Now for our second question, how much physical exercise do you guys do to stay in shape? I both love and hate this question, because I've never been in such good shape, but at the same time, I don't want to be reminded by all the exercises and diets we used to do…

Armin: yeah, especially you, I mean, I don't have many shirtless scenes soooo…

Eren: Oh you do have one.

Armin: no I don't.

Eren: Oh yes you do! He does! They cut the scene out! 

Armin: hey no! I do not have a shirtless scene!

Eren: yeah sure, pretty sure we'll talk about that scene at one point

Armin: sooooo next question.

Eren: It'll come up, it'll come up.

Armin: so, this question says, favorite drinks? Coffee–

Eren: Rum!

Armin: ok another question, oh this is a good one, so this question says, if you have one thing to change about your characters in the finale, what would you change?

Eren: hmmm, well, for me, personally, I wouldn't change anything about the finale, it was perfect, but, I wouldn't mind more insight into their futures.

Armin: yeah I was going to say the same thing and I think it's because I'm just not over the fact that it's over, we've lived with these characters for over ten years, we can't just let go.

Eren: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Armin: Well, I mean, it's like, it's weird, you know?

Eren: Yeah I know, but I also would've loved to have more romantic scenes–

Armin: oh there he goes.

Eren: oh come on! Are you complaining about having more romantic scenes? 

Armin: alright yes of course after all that pain and sadness, more romance would've been great, but at the same time, it had the perfect amount of romance.

Eren: You're just saying this because-

Armin: Eren don't–

Eren: –you don't want anyone to question that shirtless scene.

Armin: OK SO, we are done with questions for today, that's it, I don't know how they end podcasts, I don't know what I'm supposed to say here, but I guess follow us to get updates, we will have guests in the following episodes, let us know what you would like to hear, and yes goodnight! 

Eren: Coward! 

Armin: bye bye!

note:

If you saw misspelled words, then no you didn’t

Hope you enjoyed this! This is just a tiny fun thing I’m working on for jokes and laughs while I work on other serious projects

But… anyone wants to record these…? Let me know

[tangledinink]

Leo frowned a bit.  “You know I already tried melatonin, right?” “It’s not melatonin, dummy,” Mikey sighed, rolling his eyes as he twisted the pill bottle open, grabbing Leo’s hand so that he could shake one of the little gummies out into his palm. “It’s weed. Obviously.”

Leo and Mikey take edibles. That's it, that's the whole fic. :) A TMWN one-shot; takes place prior to main fic, so no need to be caught up! Read it on ao3 or below the cut!

Though Leo had, admittedly, been a bit jumpy and out of it today, (okay, fine, the past few days,) he was still pretty sure he was justified in his yelp when a hand latched onto his wrist, yanking him sharply inside the apartment as soon as the front door was open and hip-checking it shut behind him.

“Jesus CHRIST, Mikey! Were you waiting for me to get home just so you could do that!? Is this supposed to be revenge for the thing with your Twitter account and profile pic? ‘Cause that was definitely Donnie and not me--”

“The thing with the what now?! What’d you-- you know what, nevermind. Shut up,” Mikey said, promptly darting past Leo and ducking under his arm in order to lock the door shut behind him.

Leo blinked slowly.

“Dude. What are you doing?”

Mikey turned to face him, his hands on his hips.

“Is Donnie at his robotics meet?”

“... Yeah?”

“And Dad, too?”

“Yeah? Mikey--”

“And Raph is at football practice?”

“Angie, what is your deal?” Leo sighed loudly, scrubbing at his face tiredly as he tilted his head back in annoyance. What the fuck was with Mikey all of a sudden!? And why was he being interrogated? Like, okay, look, he knew that he kind of spooked him the other day with that whole… falling down the stairs thing. But he was totally fine! Just some bruises. It was so not that big of a deal! Leo just… hadn’t been paying attention.

… And, yeah, okay, sure. You could, in theory, argue that the fact that he hadn’t slept for more than three hours or so in about as many days had something to do with that. But that was all just conjecture! They had no evidence! 

“Good,” Mikey said, quite decisively, clapping his hands together and narrowing his eyes at the other, his lips pursed as he stared at him for just a moment before he pointed at him, almost accusingly.

“You need to sleep.”

Oh, great. Here we go. Leo rolled his eyes, bristling.

“Wow, seriously? You think so? What a crazy smart suggestion! And so unique and original! Gosh, thank you, Miguel, I never would have thought of that on my own! Sleeping! That’s a great idea! I’ll go do that now, since it’s so simple and easy to do, except actually no it’s not!” He hissed, throwing his arms up in annoyance.

What, did he think he didn’t try? Because he had tried desperately! He would love to be sleeping right now! He had spent countless hours over the past week staring at the ceiling in his dark room, meditating, and listening to the endless droning of sleep podcasts. He had guzzled down melatonin like it was going out of style to no avail. He had taken trazodone, for god’s sake, and even that didn’t put him down for more than an hour or two. 

Mikey pouted, crossing his arms over his chest and pursing his lips, giving the other a long look.

“Are you done yet?”

Leo scowled. 

He blinked slowly at the other.

He crossed his arms over his chest, too, echoing the other’s posture.

And then finally he grumbled and nodded.

“Okay, good. C’mon,” Mikey replied quickly, grabbing Leo’s wrist once more and heading up the stairs at a hurried pace. Leo swore softly, stumbling a bit, but followed and kept pace anyway, jogging up to the second floor and following his brother, who didn’t slow down until they were in his room, the door shut behind him.

“Okay,” Mikey said, turning once again to face the other, reaching over to grab him by his shoulders. “You need to sleep. We agree on this. Right?”

Leo raised a brow. “... Right?”

“And you trust me. Right?”

“... Yeah?”

“Because I’m your brother. We’re family.”

“... As far as I’m aware…” Leo said slowly, narrowing his eyes.

“And you!” Mikey added in, pointing accusingly. “Are the one who taught me the snitches get stitches rule, right? That’s your rule. You are the main enforcer of said rule! So you believe in the rule! Right?”

“Mikey, what are you--”

“True or false, Leo!”

“... Yeah. Okay. True. What the fuck are you about to try to do to me, Miguel?” He sighed. “Because if your intention is to knock me out via blunt force trauma, Donnie and I already tried that--”

“Okay, well, we’ll unpack that later,” Mikey chirped cheerily, shoving Leo in the general direction of the bed, gesturing to him a bit before he darted off. Leo pouted, but sat down anyway, kicking his shoes off and curling up. If Mikey was gonna try to hypnotize him or something after all this drama, he was going to be so fucking mad.

Slumped down against the copious amounts of pillows and stuffed animals (his collection rivaled only by Raph’s,) on Mikey’s bed, he watched as his baby brother threw open his closet, kicking a storage bin over to hop up on top of. Once he had the necessary height from his make-shift step-stool, he reached up, rummaging around for a bit on the top shelf. After a bit of shuffling and rearranging he finally pulled down a milk crate, and from that, he fished out a small painted chest-- one that Leo recognized as his music box from when they were little, decorated with little painted rainbows and unicorns on every side that, no, Leo had not been jealous of when Mikey got it at the age of six, thank you very much. 

Holding the music box under one arm, Mikey hopped back down and scampered over to re-join Leo on the bed. Inside the music box was an even smaller box-- this one Leo pegged as the box for the tarot cards Mikey had convinced April to buy him at that craft fair they went to two summers ago. He did readings with them from time to time, just for fun, not that Leo thought that they really meant anything. They were more a pretty trinket than anything else. Though Leo noted quietly to himself, didn’t Mikey keep his cards in a little velvet pouch, actually, now that he thought about it?

“Mikey, if you actually think now is a good time to do a tarot reading--”

“Well, I could after this if you want,” Mikey said brightly in reply, and when he cracked open the tarot card deck, there were, in fact, not any cards inside at all. Rather, there was a little orange bottle that Leo immediately clocked as one from one of Mikey’s Adderall prescriptions. But after a slightly closer inspection, he could already see that there weren’t any pills inside said bottle.

It looked more like candy.

Leo frowned a bit. 

“You know I already tried melatonin, right?”

“It’s not melatonin, dummy,” Mikey sighed, rolling his eyes as he twisted the pill bottle open, grabbing Leo’s hand so that he could shake one of the little gummies out into his palm. “It’s weed. Obviously.”

Leo stayed quiet for a moment, silently processing this.

And then his mouth fell open into a perfect ‘o.’

“HAMATO MICHELANGELO--”

“YOU AGREED!” Mikey shrieked, rearing back to point wildly at the other. “YOU ALREADY AGREED TO NO SNITCHING! NO BACKSIES!!!”

“Where the fuck did you get edibles!?” Leo cried.

Mikey threw up his hands in response. “I’m in the art club, Leo!!!”

Leo gasped. “Sarah is a weed dealer, isn’t she?! I totally called it!!!”

“No!” Mikey protested. “... Well, okay, yeah. But I get mine from Kody. So I think you only get half points?”

“Oh my god,” Leo gaped. “Since when!?”

“Likkeeee, last February?”

“What?!”

“You are being, like, so much less chill about this than I thought you’d be,” Mikey sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting. “Look. It’s not a big deal! I promise! It’s, like, a special occasion once-every-few-months kind of thing. And at least for me,” he gestured to himself. “I always end up passing out, like… so hard,” he explained. “You don’t gotta take any if you don’t want to! I’m just saying. It might help. And you haven’t tried it yet. Sooo…”

He sort of shrugged.

Leo frowned, narrowing his eyes slightly.

Okay. Well.

On one hand… If he got caught, by either their dad or by, like, anyone involved in any of his many copious sports teams, he’d definitely be in, like… so much trouble.

On the other hand… Mikey had gone this long without getting caught. And Mikey was, like, way less sneaky than he was. And what were the odds that he was going to be subjected to a drug test or something anytime in the near future, really? He had never been drug tested before, (just threatened with it,) and they were still really early in the season, before any big, high-stakes meets or matches would be cropping up…

And Mikey did have a point. He hadn’t tried it yet. And it might help. And he did, like… really wanna sleep. 

Like. So bad.

… And also. I mean. It’s not like he wasn’t curious.

---

How long until they kick in? He had asked. I dunno if it’s working, he had said. Maybe it wasn’t enough-- should I take another? He had questioned. (No, Mikey had said.)

(That was probably for the best.)

“Mikey.”

“Hm?”

“I want a peanut butter jelly sandwich, like… so much,” Leo muttered dimly, staring up at the ceiling of Mikey’s room. He had been examining the little glow-in-the-dark stars up there for a while there, noting that it had been some time since he had actually taken notice of them. Man. They were so cool. He should get some for his room. Note to self: ask Dad about that later.

Mikey was flopped over on the bed with him, his head sort of laid across Leo’s ankles as he drew something in his sketchbook, and he glanced over at his brother, smirking a little and raising a brow.

“We have the stuff to make one if you want,” he pointed out. (I mean, technically, they only kept almond butter in the house, because this was a peanut-free space, thank you very much, but basically the same thing.)

“Fuck yes,” Leo enthused. “I love those things, dude. Do we have-- do we have the raspberry jelly? ‘Cause that shit is honestly so good.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure,” Mikey hummed, setting his sketchbook to the side so that he could begin to get up.

“Hey,” Leo said, frowning a bit as he rolled over onto his side. “... I think grape jelly is a scam.”

Mikey snorted softly, raising a brow. ��Uh, elaborate?”

“Okay,” Leo agreed, eager to lay out his logic. “What’s your favorite fruit?”

“I mean, I don’t not like grapes--”

“No no no no!” Leo protested, shaking his head sharply. “What’s your favorite fruit though?”

“Uhmmmm,” Mikey tilted his head to the side for a second. “Cantaloupe. Or lychee! Or mango. It’s a three-way tie,” he declared, and Leo pointed a finger.

“Exactly!” He cried. “Exactly! See? No one’s favorite fruit is grapes! Like-- they don’t exist! No one’s favorite fruit is grapes!”

Mikey laughed. “So?”

“So!” Leo threw out his hands. “No one would want to get grape jelly! ‘Cause it’s no one’s favorite fruit! There are so many other better fruits! So they had to figure out a way to get rid of all the grape jelly! So that’s why they tricked us all into thinking that grape jelly is, like. The jelly. And made peanut-butter-jelly sandwiches with grape jelly. Instead of any other jellies. Which are better. Because peanut-butter-jelly sandwiches with raspberry jelly is like? So much fucking better, dude. Or strawberry, even. Or anything! Because grapes are just okay! So they have to make the people think that that’s the default ‘cause otherwise grape jelly would be completely screwed, bro!”

“Wow,” Mikey hummed, grinning, resting his head in his hand as he stared at the other. “You are so high.”

Leo just giggled in response, letting his head fall back down, pointing at the other. “You did this to me, Angelo. This is your doing. You must reap what you’ve sown… You made me like this…!”

“Heck yeah I did,” Mikey confirmed, puffing out his chest proudly as he got up to his feet. “Come on. Do you want the sandwich or not?”

“Yessss…” Leo hummed, pulling himself up into a sitting position. Oh wow. Moving was great. Everything felt kind of tingly and wobbly in this really fun way? It was like one of those aluminum sheets that you wiggled and it made that really funny wub-wub-wub sound. Except, like… instead of just sound it was just…

Everything.

Yo, weed was kind of dope, actually. 

“Yo, weed is kind of dope, actually.”

“I told you,” Mikey said, seeming rather smug with himself. 

“I’m having a good time.”

“Yeah, it’s fun,” Mikey agreed, reaching to grab the other by the wrist, beginning to pull them up to their feet.

“Bro, why didn’t you take any? This is great. We could do a Smash Bros tournament except high,” Leo enthused, and Mikey scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“I can’t get high, I’m watching you!”

“Why?”

“I dunno. To make sure you don’t freak out or whatever. You’ve never been high before,” Mikey reasoned. “That’s just basic weed courtesy! It’s weed 101!”

Leo blinked slowly, considering this.

“Well, how long have I been high?”

Mikey shrugged a bit, fishing out his phone to check.

“Uhhh. Like. An hour and a half?”

“Well, then, am I good?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, I probably would have freaked out already if I was gonna, right? So, like… am I good yet?”

Mikey wrinkled his nose, considering this for a bit.

“Well… I guess so. You’re probably fine.”

Leo reached over to grab his little brother’s shoulders, shaking him.

“Then let’s do Smash Bros Tournament except high!”

Mikey snorted, laughing loudly as he batted the other away.

“... Are you sure?”

“Yeah! I wanna do Smash Bros Tournament! Except high! I’m so good, Mikey! Lookit how hard I’m not freaking out! I’m being, like… so normal right now.”

Mikey seemed to consider this for a little bit, and then he shrugged.

“Yeah, okay.”

---

Leo had found that, in the time that he had been high thus far, he had a lot to say. He had a lot to think about and lots of thoughts to share with everyone around him (ie Mikey,) and while he overall just felt really cool and floaty and good, there was also an ever-so-slight element of brightness to it. Like-- everything was just kind of really funny right now. He was feeling very thoughtful and imaginative, so to speak. His brain was all scattered, but not in a way that felt bad-- just loose. He just wanted to discuss things! Like! Dude, IHOP? That place is the best. We should talk about that. And what’s better, pancakes or waffles? And dude, who do you think would win in, like, an actual for-real battle, Ho-Oh or Lugia? Be honest.

He was a bit surprised to find that Mikey, when high, wasn’t really any of those things.

For the most part, he was pretty normal.

Just… slowed down.

When they spoke now, it took just a tiny bit longer than usual for Mikey to respond, and his manner of speaking itself had shifted slightly to drag, allowing for longer pauses in between each word. He just seemed so very content and unbothered that he was in no rush to do anything at all, including thinking or speaking, and there was this slight shade of lazy amusement layered over everything he did. Leo, of course, found this all to be very funny. He spent a good deal of time just asking Mikey random questions and then giggling over the way he gave his answers, finding it absolutely delightful how he paused to think about it and then reported his opinion in this soft, humming tone.

And they were having so much fucking fun.

The pair of them were all piled together on the couch in The Lair, half tangled in each other’s limbs. The bid for pb-and-j had evolved into quite the cacophony of snacks, and the carnage of their munchies laid at their feet in tatters as they battled their way through their fourteenth round of Smash Bros.

“Dude, how do you keep beating me?” Leo whined, leaning in slightly towards the screen, as though that might help.

“‘Cause you always choose Kirby,” Mikey hummed in reply, slumping against the pillows in contrast. “And you suck at playing Kirby.”

“I do not!”

“Yeah-huh.”

“I’m great at Kirby. I’m the master of Kirby. Me and Kirby, we understand each other. We’re basically family. Kirby is basically my long-lost brother is how good I am at Kirby.”

“Then why do you keep losing?” Mikey countered lazily, grinning a little bit, and Leo giggled in response.

“You have an unfair advantage of not being high for the first time ever,” Leo countered, and Mikey just laughed in response.

“Kirby is cool. He’s like-- a little guy. The coolest little round dude ever. I love that dude. And I can make him blue!” Leo enthused. “And he’s. Like. My dude. Once you find your guy, you have to stick with that guy, Mikey! It’s. Like… a calling. You’ll understand when you’re older.”

“You’re only a year older than me.”

“Okay? So, like… give it a year.”

Mikey snorted softly, shaking his head a bit and sticking out his tongue as he wrapped up the game neatly, murdering the shit out of blue Kirby and bringing home yet another Smash Bros victory. Leo groaned loudly, flopping back over the couch and kicking his legs up, comfortably contorting himself into an absolutely asinine position-- one of his favorite things to do. 

“We should play Mario Kart next. I’ll beat you at Mario Kart.”

“Yeah, okay,” Mikey agreed easily, waving a hand a bit. “Put it on then.”

“Why do I gotta do it?”

“‘Cause I gave you free weed.”

Leo groaned loudly, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, okay, finneeeeeee,” he mumbled, getting to his feet, (with only a little bit of a wobble,) making his way over to the console so he could begin picking his way through their, quite frankly, ridiculous collection of video games, looking to fish out Mario Kart so he could get it set up.

And, like, yes, okay. Maybe he got a little bit distracted. But someone put the Red Dead Redemption 2 disc in the Cyberpunk case and obviously he could not let that stand! That needed to be corrected, like, immediately, and then the disc that was in the Red Dead Redemption case had to be relocated, too…

But, I mean, it didn’t take that long. Probably. 

And now their DVDs were organized!

“Okay, all set,” Leo hummed, turning back around to face his brother… who had an absolute hundred-yard stare, gazing off into nothing with his mouth slightly agape. Leo frowned a bit.

“Mikey.”

Silence.

“... Mikey.”

Nope.

“... Mikey!”

There he is. Mikey blinked a bit in surprise, glancing back over at him, processing for a moment, and then laughing. “Oh. Sorry. I wasn’t listening. I just had a really cool idea for a mural… Hang on. I wanna sketch it out so I don’t forget…” He said, quickly fishing out his phone and beginning to draw with his finger, his tongue stuck out in concentration. Leo huffed a bit.

“Okay, fine, just don’t take forever. I wanna do stoned Mario Kart,” Leo insisted, moving to flop back over onto the couch, curling up on his side. Mikey gave a little hum in response, but didn’t spare him much else, clearly sucked into his project.

Leo did his best to entertain himself in the meantime. He scrolled blindly through Instagram for a while, liking a bunch of pics that he would probably get in trouble for later, though who’s really to say? Once he got bored with that, he drafted and deleted about eight different tweets, just barely managing to wrestle his inner demon down into its cage and exercise some impulse control. And he flicked through TikTok for a while, but didn’t really find anything of interest on his ForYou page. And Mikey was still going strong, so…

For a little bit. He was just. Bored.

He hummed softly, curled up on the couch, pulling at one of his curls absently and examining it as he went-- pulling it out straight, and then letting it bounce back, giggling a tiny bit to himself at the motion of it. He remembered when he was little and he and his brother’s would have arguments over who had the curliest hair-- as if it were really ever a competition. They’d do that for everything though-- always trying to see who was the ‘most’ or ‘best’ at any one thing.

He remembered, vaguely, back before April’s mom taught him how to do it properly, his dad sitting with them for hours in front of the computer, one by one, watching YouTube tutorials and trying to tame their hair for them. He smiled a bit at the thought. He had hated it at the time, whining about being bored and having to sit still, annoyed with his father messing with his hair and pulling at it… but now, the memory was… kind of sweet.

He hadn’t thought about that in a really long time, he thought vaguely to himself, sighing very softly. 

It was almost weird to suddenly confront such an old, forgotten memory like that out of the blue. But not unwelcome. It was nice, actually, and he laid his head down against the pillows with a sigh, allowing himself to bask in the warmth of it for a while, running through images of his childhood, playing them on loop.

And somewhere along the way, he realized, vaguely in the back of his head, that he was sleepy.

Usually, at times like these, this moment would be followed swiftly by disappointment. He’d be laying in his bed, trying desperately to get to sleep, absolutely praying for it to take him and knock him the fuck out, and he’d realized that it was happening, he was getting sleepy-- only for the excitement of it to promptly kick a shot of adrenaline through his body, spooking the sensation and scaring it off, leaving him perfectly awake once more and writhing with frustration (which of course only worsened matters.)

But he didn’t feel that right now. He was just kind of aware of it, smiling the tiniest bit at the thought, curling up a bit tighter in on himself and wrapping his arms around the pillow he was snuggled up against to cling to.

Everything was so oddly calm. Pebbled and loose and wobbly, but in a good way, and right now, mostly just calm. And sleepy. His eyelids were heavy. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt like this. Like he was sinking into sleep rather than fighting his way into it tooth and claw. Like it was inviting him in instead of him kicking down the door with a battle cry, bloody and bruised. He was just… ready to sleep. He was never ready to sleep.

Man, this was cool. Marijuana fucking slapped.

He played with his own hair for just a little longer before he yawned, humming very softly.

“Mmmm… Hey Mikey?”

“Yeah?” Mikey replied, after a long beat of delay, not looking up at him.

“‘M gonna go to sleep now, I think.”

“Okay. That’s a good idea.”

“Okay. Thanks.” 

“Yeah. It’s cool. G’night.”

“G’night,” Leo mumbled, laying his head down and allowing his eyes to slide shut.

[beachtoosandytranscripts]

3: Car Washes in Minneapolis, MN

“Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could.”

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion.

Yeah, welcome, this is episode three.

Already, wow.

Already, yeah. I came up with the theme for this week, and it was car washes in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and you gave me a very mean challenge.

And I have no idea what I said, because I don't remember.

And that makes it so much worse.

What was it?

You gave me the challenge of finding a review written by a vegan of a barbecue place. That was awful.

That's very, very funny. Good job, me.

Yeah, good job. Well, but first we're going to go into our car wash reviews.

Right. And so exciting.

I'm going to go first.

Okay.

This is a review of Soapy Joe's Car Wash.

Oh, I looked at that place.

It was written by RS.

Okay.

And it was a one-star review, of course.

Sure.

And this is what RS has to say. Minnesota winters destroy the outsides of cars. Four-year-old kids with a $2-a-day Cheez-It habit destroy the insides of cars. Soapy Joe's is not the place though, to help with either. If your business is, you know, washing cars, then for God's sake have the ability to wash a car.

Makes sense.

If I go there, wait in line 15 minutes, only to find out that it will be another hour to have them clean my car, then maybe they shouldn't be in the car wash business. By the time you find out that it'll be forever for a full-service wash, you're at the front of the line and you can't escape.

Oh my God.

There's no turning back. So I get the cheapest wash, the one I don't need, and get the crap-tastic, fuck you, $6.99 version. The one where you drive it through and they pretend to dry your car.

I can do better at my neighborhood BP.

Oh, she's having a bad day. The lady or guy, do we know?

No, just RS. Yeah, this was rough.

Sounds like a bad time.

But like when you pay $6.99, then you're like, I could do better at my BP. Aren't the BP ones more than $6.99 anyway? But that's not all.

Oh, God, of course it's not.

You vacuum yourself. That's like going to a Starbucks and brewing your own coffee.

No, it's not, but OK.

It's disdainful of the customer.

I don't think that's how that word works.

I don't think so either, RS. But yeah, I don't think that's what happens. That's Starbucks.

$6.99. You pay $6.99 and then you have to vacuum your car.

It's pretty disdainful.

I'm no free market expert.

Oh, no way, RS.

But if you want to wash cars, wash cars. I mean...

That's basically what the free market boils down to.

I don't know what they're...

They hit it right on the head.

I say this every time, but I don't know what their logic is. I'm never going to understand.

There's no plot.

I mean, I'm just spitballing here. But here are some options. One, hire more people.

Two, do things better. Three, sell and get out of the business all together.

Why didn't they think of that?

End of review.

Do things better.

Do things better.

That's just rude.

RS needs to write a business management, like, Bible for everyone.

It's like the Michael Scott, like, manager book that he's writing.

Oh my gosh. What was the title? Who's managing who?

Somehow I manage and he's shrugging on the cover.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Of course somebody made an actual, like, replica of it on the Internet. Somehow I manage.

RS needs to get into that game.

And then he says over one billion sold. Okay. Anyway, RS needs to hopefully take a nap.

Or open up their own car wash.

Nobody needs that.

Well, maybe they can do things better and then sell and get out of the business. Before or after they hire more people. Three steps to business.

The free market indeed. All right. So I'm going to give you a review written—I keep doing this and I'm sorry, but it's a five star review.

Is that allowed on these?

They're just so he didn't have. Just let me do it.

And then if it's not, if it doesn't work, we'll let the fans decide.

We got the fans.

We'll let the free market decide.

We'll let the free market dictate what we do next. So Will G had this to say of the downtowner car wash in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

I went here with my mud covered jeep to give the piggy a bath. Inside and out. I have had this jeep five years and decided it was time to clean the inside, especially considering I sprayed mud all over the inside off-roading the other day. Fun, but messy.

Wait, this is the first time in five years they wash the inside of their car. That's disgusting.

Only because they sprayed the inside with mud off-roading. You know how it is, fun but messy. They went through this thing in detail inside and got it clean like the day I bought it clean.

Oh, man.

Five years go by, nothing needs cleaning in there and then all of a sudden just everything happens. Mud, energy drink.

This is actually uh Will's cry for help I think. Never in the five years that I've had this Jeep has that ever happened? Heck, in the 30 some years that I've owned cars, I've never had a can of soda explode in one.

I mean, really?

Wait, this was heat?

Yeah.

Like in Minnesota?

Maybe that's why.

The heat, but shouldn't the cold?

That happened to me one time.

I feel like that happens when it's really cold.

That happened to me with the diet coke that was in the car exploded.

Oh.

Because it was too hot.

It was hot?

Renee was in the car. We almost crashed into a pole.

I think that happens no matter what's going on.

It didn't have anything to do with the can of soda. Okay. I mean, really?

The day after paying $50 to have the inside detailed? Who hates me?

Anyways, the downtown people are awesome. They did a great job. End of review.

Wait, he didn't go back? Okay, but you know what I have to say? Good on him for getting a great clean and then writing that five star review despite the fact that it was ruined the next day.

Yeah, I think he just wanted to talk about that soda. I don't think there was any other reason. It was a good excuse.

Anyway, so that's Will's review.

Oh my gosh, Will.

I'm ready for it.

I wonder who hates him.

I mean, I kind of do. Just kidding.

Oh no. Well, I followed your lead on this one.

Oh, what does that mean?

I also found a five star review for my challenge.

Oh, oh God. So we are really...

Yeah, but that was fine for the challenge ones.

Oh, okay. So I'm just cheating. Got it.

That's what we're used to. It's okay. It's okay.

So this one, and I guess, you know, this balances things out because you'll just listen to the first sentence here. Oh, and I was inspired by last week's Monty review.

What's Monty again?

Oh my gosh.

What did he do?

Monty. He gave us the full Monty.

Wait, what was he? Was he reviewing? Oh, he's reviewing the stadium.

Yeah. What was it? Onion?

I don't even remember.

Uh, hashbr- no. Potatoes?

I don't remember.

Garlic fries. Garlic fries. Garlic fries!

I was close with the potatoes, just saying.

Okay, tell me. Oh, God, you're like really getting set up here.

I'm ready. This is this is Marlowe's review.

Marlowe.

This is not Marlowe's review. No, this is Jason's review of Marlowe's ribs. I can read my own notes.

Wow, you must��this is, I'm so excited to hear what you came up with.

From Memphis, Tennessee, by the way, when I was looking at barbecue places, I went I went to Nashville, Atlanta, and finally found the best one in Memphis.

Okay, I'm ready.

I used to be vegan until I came to Marlowe's.

What?

True story.

Are you serious?

I see that's where I was kind of like this might be cheating because technically now he's not a vegan.

Well, he was.

But he was when he went there.

Time is a construct.

Oh, yeah. In the free market, it doesn't matter what kind of food you eat.

Everyone's learning a lot about business today and philosophy.

Yeah. This is a podcast. That's what it's all about.

All right. True story. I was traveling through to check out Graceland.

I had been vegan for four years.

My God.

We got picked up in the pink Cadillac and taken to the restaurant. I asked the driver how the black bean burger was. He laughed.

When I walked in, something changed.

Oh my God.

I ordered pretty much one of everything. My girlfriend thought I was kidding. After I ordered, she said she couldn't eat all that.

And I quickly informed her that I was eating it.

It's not for you.

As I was eating, the server came over. My girlfriend told the server that I was vegan until just now, after four years. And the server didn't believe her.

No, because why on earth would that make any sense?

Exactly.

That's not a thing.

He was vegan until just now, for four years.

Until he ordered literally one of every item on this menu.

Literally the server was carrying plates and plates and plates over. It's like so annoyed.

And also, wouldn't you get so sick if you haven't eaten meat in four years?

Oh, it seems like a bad idea. But let's have a quick rundown from Jason about what he ate.

Oh, are you kidding?

OK, all caps, all of these food items and all of these reviews of food items are all caps. Brisket to die for, pulled pork to die for, pulled chicken to die for. This isn't all caps.

Well, the last word is cornbread, non-Yankee cornbread and amazing Mac and cheese. The bomb barbecue ribs, the best I've ever had.

Oh, the best he's ever, the most, the one that he's ever had because he's fucking vegan.

Fried pickles, amazing. Marlowe's doesn't play around. Their meat is cooked perfectly.

How would you know?

That's what I was thinking this whole time. I'm like, this guy hasn't eaten meat in four years. And then all of a sudden he's a meat expert.

Well, not because he spelled meat M-E-E-T.

No, are you serious?

I'm not kidding. It's got a fantastic flavor and smoke ring. It doesn't need the crutch of barbecue sauce.

It's not dry. I mean, Marlowe's is what I have compared every barbecue to since. It has turned me from vegan to carnivore and literally ruined barbecue for me because I compare everything I eat to Marlowe's, which is what he had just said.

But okay. Last year, I rode my motorcycle from Los Angeles to Memphis specifically to eat at Marlowe's.

I'm kidding. So wait, this vegan suddenly decided to eat barbecue and buy a motorcycle and...

Christina! He walked in and everything changed.

I— it must have.

Literally everything. I'm not retired by the way. It was just that important to me.

What?

I checked into my hotel, walked over to the store to pick up a beer and some guy tried to mug me at knife point.

Wait, hold on. Where did this come from?

Oh yeah, this is where it gets even juicier. He literally rode his motorcycle to Memphis to get this barbecue.

From Los Angeles.

From Los Angeles. Was there.

I'll just let that one slide, okay.

Went to go get a beer and was mugged at knife point.

Oh, my God.

I decided not to dine in after that. So I just ordered the food delivered to my room and barricaded myself inside. I couldn't make up my mind, so I ordered the above mentioned, brisket, pulled pork, chicken, pickles, mac and cheese and ribs.

Yeah, thanks.

I was in heaven. The mood of this has shifted very suddenly, like very back and forth.

I am having a hard time following this.

I couldn't finish about 85% of it. So I hope the cleaning crew at the hotel ate the rest.

No, they did not. They didn't eat the food you left behind. That's disgusting.

Marlowe's literally changed my life. I now own a smoker and barbecue ribs, pork and chicken a lot.

I'm not, was not even gonna say it, but I just the whole time was like, this is that guy who buys a smoker and then tells everyone he knows about his smoker. And clearly I was right. Okay.

Yeah, no, that's what Jason's become. I will ride back one day to eat it again. Consider opening up a restaurant in LA?

End of review.

I don't want to ever run into this guy, so.

Could you imagine?

No. And I just feel like I'd know instantly when I saw him, who he was. Also definitely the owner of this place wrote that.

Yeah, right? Although I did look at his history and he does review other things, like most of them are vegan restaurants, even still.

Wait, are you being serious?

Yeah, like he's— vegan restaurants in LA.

Wow, this guy is crazy town.

He's changed.

I've changed.

Yeah.

After that.

Yeah, there's just...

That was really-

I'm ready for some barbecue.

That was a lot. I know I am actually a little hungry right now.

I know. Thanks, Jason.

Thanks, Jason or Marty's or whatever.

Marlowe's.

Marlowe's. I guess in LA is the only place you would see a vegan riding a motorcycle. So maybe that makes some sense.

No, I don't know. I still don't think it does.

I'm grasping at straws. Anyway, well, that was a very successful... That was like extremely successful.

What, his trip to Memphis?

Yes. No, the restaurant's attempt at converting vegans. No, you're stepping up to the plate of my challenge.

Yeah. I did find some other ones, but they were like, oh, this place actually has vegan options. I had the black bean burger and it was great.

Did you know fried pickles are vegan?

Oh, I was actually wondering that while you read that.

And that's what people wrote reviews about fried pickles and stuff, but they were very boring and it's kind of like, okay, I know where to go if I want a vegan barbecue place.

That's gold. Okay. So we're going to announce our challenge in next week's theme after this little spiel we do to tell you where to find us on the Internet.

You can find us on Instagram and Twitter at Beach Too Sandy, on Facebook at Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. Our website is beachtoosandy.com.

You can find us, I guess, wherever you're listening now or on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Play, anywhere you listen to any podcatcher, anywhere you listen to podcasts. And please leave us a review if you can. That would be super great and helpful and would help us kind of kickstart this thing.

All right. So now it's time for you to give us our theme for next week and I'll reveal your challenge.

Oh, God. Okay. So the theme for next week is tech stores in Jacksonville, Florida.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, it definitely does. Have you been watching? What have you been watching?

The Good Place?

Like that's exactly what I thought of.

He doesn't need to steal. Doesn't Jason's? And Jason.

Oh, maybe it's all in my head. Yeah. I think Jason robs a radio shack or something.

No, he robs a bar. But Atypical. What's his name?

Sam works at a. Oh, that's probably just mixing shows together and getting something good. That's a good one, though.

I like that one.

So what is my challenge? Because I'm nervous about that.

Well, because of Jason's wonderful food related review, I was very hungry when I thought of this. You are going to find a review of a candy store that mentions broccoli.

Oh, my God. OK, that's fun.

Yeah, I think so.

I like it.

I'm expecting someone who really hates broccoli and just needs to tell the world.

I'm going to eat that broccoli candy. All right. I will work on that.

Sounds good. Until next week.

See you then.

[dashboarddiaries]

Dashboard Diaries is a production of Atypical Artists, hosted by Lauren Shippen (@thelaurenshippen) and Cher McAnelly (@overchers).

Our theme was composed by Lauren Shippen and mixed by Brandon Grugle. Art by Shae McMullin. Transcription by Laudable.

For bonus clips, ad-free episodes, and more, become a pal at atypicalartists.co/support.

[intro music]

Cher: Hello, Shippers! I’m Cher McAnelly, Head of Entertainment at Tumblr. And person who ships everyone, including people she knows. So far, resulting in two marriages!

Lauren: That’s pretty good. That’s impressive. 

Cher: Thank you very much. I’m pretty proud of it. You know? I hope that I ship many more people in real life. So, look ...

Lauren: If you wanna get married ...

Cher: I don’t know where I’m going with that. Look, if you wanna get married-

Lauren: Become Cher’s friend!

Cher: Maybe should we do blog-match-making? Anyone wanna?

Lauren: Oh, that’s actually a very fun idea! 

(laughter)

And ... I’m Lauren Shippen, Professional Writer, who has “shippen” in her DNA!

Cher: Ohhh ... my .... gosh!

Lauren: I had to make a shippen joke. 

Cher: Very excited about that. Wow. Can’t believe ... I didn’t even expect ... even though I’ve made that joke multiple times I was like ... 

Lauren: I don’t think I’ve ever made that joke.

Cher: ... it got me.

Lauren: So, I feel proud of myself. 

Cher: And this is Dashboard Diaries, a podcast for you – the folks who are in this internet bunker with us. We talk about what’s going on in our favorite hell site, get into what we like to call “tumbl-lore,” do fandom deep dives, and share the times when we’ve gone feral over a new ship.

Or ... in the case of today’s episode, perhaps an obscure ship, un under-rated ship, a new ship ...

Lauren: Yep, yep.

Cher: So, Lauren, how has your last month been on Tumblr since last time we chatted?

Lauren: Yeah, it’s been good. I was sort of looking through my recent likes to sort of see ... I have a sort of system in place when I’m scrolling on desktop I just immediately queue things I want to queue. But if I’m scrolling on my phone, let’s be honest, while I’m lying in bed trying to go to sleep I’ll like things and then once a week I’ll sort of go through my likes and queue everything. It’s a real system. But anyway ...

I was looking through my recent likes and 911 is coming back in March. Basically, exactly a month. And so it’s like the 911 activity on my dash has started to pick up. And its new season, new network, it’s a shorter season because of the strike. I’m very excited. There’s a huge cruise ship disaster to kick off the season. 911 is like my one network show basically at this point. I love it dearly. So, there’s been just a lot of 911 in my life on my dash recently.

Then the other thing that popped up this week was ... and I’ll be sure to re-blog this to DashboardDiaries.Tumblr.com ... was this old post of a screenshot of someone’s dashboard and the dashboard is from like two- ... when did Tumblr’s mobile app come out? 

Cher: That is a good question. I want to say 2010 but that is an arbitrary year that-

Lauren: That sounds ...

Cher: ... my brain is making up.

Lauren: I’m texting you this, because it was in my likes. But look at the glory of this. It’s a screenshot from a probably 2010 mobile dashboard. 

Cher: Yeah, 2009 on iOs in 2010 on Blackberry. 

Lauren: There you go. Oh my god, on Blackberry ... (laughter) For our younger listeners, Blackberry used to be the alternative to the iPhone basically. Or not even ... it was the alternative to a Palm Pilot. Do you remember Palm Pilot?

Cher: Yeah. A Palm Pilot or a Sidekick or Razor.

Lauren: Oh, the Sidekick. I always wanted a Sidekick so bad. Or a Razor.

Cher: I wanted one so badly. I had a Razor. I had a hot pink Razor.

Lauren: Ohh, the hot pink Razor was THE thing. Anyway, I just really feel like we’re getting into a stage with Tumblr with how old it is and for me personally with how long I’ve been on Tumblr that there’s just now even more Tumblr nostalgia sort of coming through. So, that’s been fun to sort of start off the year with – just looking at a 2010 dashboard and being like, oh my god, I don’t even recognize this dashboard configuration because I don’t think I got the mobile app for Tumblr until probably 2015. I still am in the 98% of the time a desktop user. Only really in the past two years have I become a mobile user. 

Anyway, that’s been my last month on Tumblr. What have you been up to?

Cher: I mean, first off, love that 911 is starting on shipping, too – just a different kind ...

(laughter)

Tee hee.

And then also I love that one of the things you brought up was when we launched the mobile app in the OG dashboard. Because this month is Tumblr’s birthday. So, yeah, Tumblr ... we were just chatting about this in a meeting how the date of Tumblr’s birthday seems to change every year when we get new information. Because it kind of depends on your perspective.

Lauren: Yeah, what do you count?

Cher: Was it when it first launched to a small group or to the public? Or whatever it is. So, this year we’re going with the 19th as the birthday. And so anyway, yeah, I love that. I love looking back at all the OG dashboards and stuff. Definitely a good time to be looking back.

And then for the last month on Tumblr I mean obviously with the Superb Owl happening for all of our What We Do in The Shadows fans, always a fun night on Tumblr. Because we love sports, famously. 

Lauren: Absolutely. Tumblr is a big sports place. 

Cher: Also, on the topic of ships, we came up with a ships list a couple of weeks ago. I’m going to drop it into our little chat. And I thought it would be fun to do a poll on the entertainment Tumblr to see which of the top ships is the most popular, is taking up the most mental space at the moment.

So, first-

Lauren: Fascinating.

Cher: ... in want to show you this poll. I want to make sure that what I’m linking you is the poll without the results, because I really want you to guess. I really, really want you to guess.

Lauren: Ooh. Okay, yeah.

Cher: I really want you to guess which one, because one of these ... there were 12 options. And there’s one winner that got 55%.

Lauren: Interesting. INTERESTING.

Cher: So, I really want you ... 

Lauren: That’s a real quorum. 

Cher: I know. I was shocked. Really, I’m very excited to see what you think the one that won is. For all of our listeners here, I’m going to quickly run through the ship options in the list. 

First one – Hazbin Hotel, Huskerdust

Second one – Percy Jackson, Percabeth

Third one – Good Omens, Ineffable Husbands

Fourth one – Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonadow

Fifth one – Hazbin Hotel, Chaggie

Sixth one – Satosugu, Jujutsu Kaisen

Seventh one – Hannigram 

Eighth one – One Piece, Zosan

Ninth one – Hazbin Hotel, Radioapple

And then there were three options ...

One was another ship on the full list, a ship that isn’t on the top ships list, which is of 20, and then another one that was a fleet of ships sails on the sea of my mind, I cannot choose only one. 

(laughter)

Which I was really laughing at myself for. 

Lauren: I love that.

Cher: Anyway ... which one do you think, Lauren, got that 55%?

Lauren: I mean, part of me thinks that it’s a fleet of ships sail on my mind.

(laughter)

But if we’re going off of those ships ... I mean, I think it would be Ineffable Husbands. I think that would be the winning ship of that bunch. 

Cher: Mm hmm. Yeah.

Lauren: What was it?

Cher: Surprisingly, that’s not what it is. And, oh, actually I was wrong. Actually, the winner got 58.5% of the vote.

Lauren: Oh my god.

Cher: And, oh my gosh, wait! At this moment I just realized, Lauren ... Shoot! This isn’t the ... the poll is not done. It has a day and two hours left! 

Lauren: Oh my goodness! Okay. I’m voting for Hannahgram. I’m sorry!

(laughter)

Okay, yeah, I never ever would have guessed this. So, the winning ship by an enormous margin, as you said, is Sonic and Shadow from Sonic the Hedgehog. What happened? 

Cher: I have no idea. If you look at the notes, they’re all “Sonadow supremacy, rise up”

Lauren: Sonadow sweep.

(laughter)

OH MY GOD. This is incredible. 

Cher: Tumblr continues to surprise. I love this chaotic platform. It’s amazing.

Lauren: Oh, that’s so good. Also, this is a poll and a ship list that actually brings up something about my last month on Tumblr that I forgot about. And that I would love to get your take on.

Cher: Yes?

Lauren: Which is ... what the fuck is Hazbin Hotel!? And why is it all of a sudden everywhere!?

Cher: Okay. So, Hazbin Hotel is a new Amazon MGM Studios animated series.

Lauren: Okay.

Cher: The plot of it, if I’m not mistaken, which I might be vaguely incorrect is essentially the daughter of Lucifer has opened a hotel for wayward souls to try to get into Heaven. 

Lauren: That’s fun.

Cher: So, demons and things. And so there’s obviously just a wide range of shipping happening.

Lauren: Of course.

Cher: And it really feels like it happened, like this show blew up overnight. Suddenly, Hazbin Hotel was everywhere. I haven’t had a chance to watch it yet. I need to, because obviously it’s taking over the Tumblr platform. Which is really exciting to see a brand new show with a completely ... and also Tumblr does love Hell and demons.

Lauren: It’s so true. 

Cher: It’s exciting to see it really take off, a brand new show take off on platform. I think Hazbin Hotel will be a big one for a while.

Lauren: I didn’t know that it was a show. I thought it was a dating SIM or a JRPG. I thought it was a video game for some reason. I don’t know why.

Cher: Because it really does feel like ... oftentimes we at least kind of hear about shows [crosstalk 00:10:25] before they come out and overtake the platform. Or they kind of get big later in season one or around season two. This is a show that came out ... season one I don’t think is even done with new episodes at the moment. Or it has just finished and it’s huge.

Lauren: That’s incredible. 

Cher: So, yeah, super excited to see. On the topic of Hazbin Hotel and just a lot of amazing ships and a lot of chaotic ships and everywhere in between. The ships list is 4/20 Hazbin Hotel, pretty much every week at the moment. So, our topic this week is our pitches for slept on ships. So, Lauren and I have both brought some ships today that we think really should have more of a role in the Tumblr zeitgeist or conversation. We want more fic. We want more conversation. Or any, depending on what we’re bringing. 

Lauren: Right. True.

Cher: So, Lauren, what have you brought today? Which slept on ship or fleet of ships?

Lauren: Yeah, I think we each brought three ships. I didn’t write my other two down, really, but yeah, so start off ... I’m going to start off with the newest one which is what I’m calling the Monarch Founder Polycule. And this is from the Apple TV show, Monarch: Legacy of Monsters. And just like a general sort of blanket spoiler for this show ... I’ll try to stay away from too many spoilers but in order to really describe the ship I need to get into it a little bit.

So, Monarch: Legacy of Monsters ... Have you watched this show?

Cher: I watched the first episode and I’ve seen pretty much all if not most of the other monster films leading up.

Lauren: Got you. Great.

Cher: But I haven’t gotten into this one yet. But I know kind of where it starts, the main characters, and the main monsters so far. I’m sure there are some new ones.

Lauren: There’s a monster every episode, which is awesome. So, yes. This TV show is pretty much the first TV show within the world of Godzilla that’s been built over the last couple of years through ... I’m forgetting what studio it is ... but anyway, whoever owns Godzilla currently. 

It takes place in two different timelines. There’s a 1950s timeline and a 2014 timeline. And the 1950s timeline is about the three people who found Monarch. Monarch is the company that tracks the Titans and studies them and fights against them and stuff. In the modern age they’re kind of a sketchy government organization. They’re sort of good guys, but they’re sort of not. Yeah, there’s a lot to do with Monarch. The show is obviously called Monarch: Legacy of Monsters. It’s about the legacy of Monarch and kind of the family that started it and then their next generation and the generation after that, which is the modern day.

There are a couple of ships in the show that are canon or are headed that way. Including a queer female ship in the modern day that’s really lovely and complex because of various things I won’t spoil. But I really love the three founders. 

Cher: I love that you listed them out by descriptors but not by names. So Tumblr of you, honestly.

Lauren: Yes. In my notes I said there’s one pretty blonde dude in uniform, one kickass smart hot woman, one goofy green bean. Because that’s my pitch for why Tumblr would like these people. The blonde hot guy in uniform is Lee Shaw, played by Wyatt Russell who is Kurt Russell’s real life son. And Kurt Russell plays the older version of Lee Shaw in the modern era. So, it’s very cute because it’s like his son is playing the younger version of him. It’s great.

Yeah, Keiko is the hot, smart woman. She’s the scientist that is studying these anomalies and then Lee is the person who is tasked with protecting her. He’s in the Army and I forget exactly specifically where they are but they are on an island in the Pacific. She is going out to do this study and he is kind of like literally her body guard. So, already we’re getting into good tropes, right? They’ve got sort of some flirty banter and he’s sort of the uptight Army type and she is the adventurous, “Let’s go out and do this thing.” And then they run into the goofy, green bean who is Bill Randa who is played by John Goodman in Skull Island. So, it’s like a young Bill Randa. And he is a crypto zoologist and he’s just a fucking nerd. (laughs) And kind of very Mulder, right? Believes in these really wacky things. 

The three of them end up teaming up and founding Monarch. Their dynamic is so ... the very first scene that you see with them is a few years after they founded Monarch and stuff and they’re going out to find this monster. And this is where I’m going to get into one of the big spoilers, but it does happen in the first episode. They go out and they find this monster and Keiko ends up dying. And so then it’s just the two of them left alone basically without her. But just the first scene of them in the car I’m like, oh, these three people are married. 

Kei and Bill are married actually in the show. And then Lee is their guy. And after she dies Bill and Lee basically raise her son together. And so it’s like there’s all of this ... and Kei and Lee kiss at one point. There is genuinely a real love triangle except there’s no jealousy between any of them. So, I’m like the three of you just need to be together. Then there’s a bunch of other really crazy stuff that happens. And it’s so tragic. It’s such a doomed romance for so many reasons. A classic thing of these three people had a brief period of time where they were all together and right for each other at the right time of their life. And it’s just passing ships the rest of their lives in a really heartbreaking way.

So, that is my pitch for the Monarch Founder Polycule, because it’s like these three Tumblr character types that Tumblr loves, it’s a throuple, it’s got some tragic and amazing fix-it potential, right? I want to get out and read fix-it fics where things aren’t tragic. And there’s co-parenting. There’s generational trauma. It’s just delicious. 

Cher: I mean, it checks so many boxes. I’m immediately sold on the ship. Convinced.

Lauren: What’s crazy is the show is not necessarily half and half, like the founders and the modern day. It is probably 60-70% modern day and 30-40% founders. But I want a show of us them. I love them so much, the dynamics are so good, the actors are so good together, it’s just great. Highly recommend.

Cher: We love a prequel. 

Lauren: We love a prequel. You know? We love knowing ... because also we know what happens to John Goodman in Skull Island, so we know what happens to Bill, too. And it’s like the reveal of what happens to Lee and why he is the way that he is all these years later is like so terrible and so good! So yeah, Cher, I hope you have a ship that maybe isn’t so tragic. what’s your first pitch?

Cher: So, my first pitch is a ship that I thought was completely original and no one had thought of, but why would I ever think that? This is Tumblr. It’s from Lord of the Rings, Gigolas. Which is Gimli and Legolas. I feel like this is a great ship for many reasons. First off, they’re not full on enemies, but the elves and the dwarves definitely kind of like yeah there’s some animosity there. So, there’s some enemies to lovers. There’s some opposites attract. Also, the banter. The consistent banter. They both have some of the best lines and some of the best looks in that entire film. Or series. Trilogy. More than that, whatever it is ... yeah. Books ... you know what I mean. Anyway ... 

All together I love their banter! I love their dynamic. I love their relationship. I feel like they’re meant for each other. And apparently Tumblr feels the same. Because I went and searched Legolas X Gimli and got ... found out that there are 5.4 thousand followers of the tag.

Lauren: That’s a lot!

Cher: Right?

Lauren: That’s not a little, that’s a lot!

Cher: That’s a substantial amount of people. And there was obviously some fan art, which we will re-blog. And so just all together I just love this as a ship. And I’m so glad that Tumblr felt the same. It’s still kind of obscure, I guess, because 5.4K compared to the size of some other ships. But the fact that ... it’s robust, there’s a community. 

Lauren: Oh yeah. I mean, I actually personally follow a bunch of people who are big Gigolas shippers so it’s ... the quality of the content coming from the shippers is great. 

Cher: I’m honestly surprised. I don’t know why I thought I was being so original when Lord of the Rings is so hugely popular and obviously Tumblr loves to ship side characters. You know? 

Lauren: Yeah, but I love that you were on Tumblr’s wavelength. 

Cher: You know what? You’re so right. Yeah. Right there with them. I should work there or something.

(laughter)

Anyway ... what else do you have? What other two surprise ships?

Lauren: Yeah. So, working backwards in sort of newness, one of the ships that I got really into last year that then I also got my sister really into, which always feels like a victory because she and I don’t necessarily always ship the same things. But we like a lot of the same TV shows. But I tend to I don’t know be more of an active shipper than she is. But I got her super into this ship and I feel really vindicated for that. NACE, Nancy and Ace from the CW television series, Nancy Drew, which I watched all of in a very short amount of time in the summer of last year. (laughs)

It is delightful, first of all. And has a really wonderful found family friendship dynamic between sort of the Nancy Drew crew, right? But in this modern adaptation of Nancy Drew, Nancy works at this restaurant and the dishwasher line cook guy, Ace, who she has known for a long time, but they’ve never really clicked is sort of in her orbit and then this crazy stuff happens and they end up teaming up and stuff. It’s just an amazing friends to lovers story that also has ... because of Supernatural things that happen in the show because it’s Nancy Drew but also with Supernatural elements, there’s a forbidden love aspect to it. There’s so much pining! So much pining. 

And it has that element that I love in ships which is a completely incredibly competent but slightly insane woman and the guy who is just absolutely devoted to her. (laughs) And will follow her off the edge of a cliff. 

Cher: I love that dynamic. (laughs)

Lauren: It’s so good. Have you seen any of the show? Have you heard anything about the show? There is a Tumblr fandom, but it’s very small. 

Cher: I have not seen the show. I am familiar with the show. I am familiar with the show because when I watched Riverdale, which I think I stopped maybe three or four seasons ago ... when I watched it right around the time Nancy Drew was coming out they did some crossover episodes to do some Nancy Drew promotion. 

Lauren: A-ha! Interesting.

Cher: Veronica goes into the city and gets drinks with Nancy Drew and chats. 

Lauren: Oh my god!

Cher: So, that’s what I know. I’m also obviously super familiar with the Nancy Drew ... I read the Nancy Drew books growing up. 

Lauren: Same.

Cher: Subject matter is super familiar. I was not aware that they introduced Supernatural elements, but knowing what I know of Riversdale I’m not surprised that they are the same universe. So ...

Lauren: It doesn’t go quite as crazy as Riverdale goes. (laughter) 

Cher: I mean I feel like I need to watch-

Lauren: ... but nothing could.

Cher: ... the final season just to really fully comprehend it. Because I’ve heard so much but also feel like I can imagine it so little because it’s so wild. I stopped around the baby levitating time.

Lauren: Same! That’s about when I stopped, too. Yeah. 

Cher: I was like okay ... 

Lauren: All right .... 

Cher: Um, I don’t ... But apparently it ends with a lot more ... everyone’s different supernatural creatures and they’re in a polycule?

Lauren: Yeah. And I remember seeing a post once that was like, “I can’t believe this season of Riverdale ended with them sacrificing Archie in the woods and cutting his heart out.” And I was like, ha ha, funny post. But I am curious to look it up. Then I was like, oh no, this is real! That’s something they did. They cut out Archie’s heart in the forest. Okay.

Cher: Okay. 

Lauren: He gets better!

Cher: Of course he does. He gets better. With heartburn, amiright?

Lauren: Tee hee.

Cher: I really now want to go through Riverdale text posts and see which ones are-

Lauren: Just shitpost and which ones are ...

Cher: ... shitposts and which ones aren’t. I just feel like that’s just ... it’s got to be really challenging.

Lauren: Yeah. Oh, that could be a fun quiz for us.

Cher: That would be a really fun quiz. I mean, it would also be super easy to do just via re-blogs because you could just re-add a poll in the re-blog and say true or false. 

Lauren: That’s true. Oh great idea. I love that.

Cher: That would be a fun little thing.

Lauren: All right, what next ship do you have for me?

Cher: Okay. Up next, I have a ship that I searched and I do actually think it is obscure. And it’s a new ... we’re doing an answer time for the new Avatar: The Last Airbender. The Netflix live action series that is coming out on the 22nd. And so because of that I’ve been doing a lot of preparing, a lot of watching to prep for the interview. And so my ship is an Avatar: The Last Airbender ship. I came up with two names for it. Either Mopa or Apomo? 

It’s Appa and Momo. If you aren’t familiar with Avatar: The Last Airbender as a story and who these characters are ... first off, Avatar: The Last Airbender TLDR there are four nations in this world. Each nation is kind of centered around an element: earth, air, fire, water. In these nations there are people who have powers to bend those elements. They’re called airbenders, waterbenders, etc. In this world, an avatar is born and re-born into one of these nations pretty much on a consistent loop. There’s always an avatar and they’re always kind of coming. They’re the ones who can master all four of the elements. 

So, Avatar: The Last Airbender is the story of the last airbender who is also the avatar and essentially it’s their journey because they’re obviously being chased for being the avatar. It’s very kind of reminiscent I feel like of Circle of Time, Wheel of Time. 

Lauren: Oh yeah!

Cher: There’s a lot of alignments I’m seeing as I’m talking about this. 

Lauren: I totally see that.

Cher: There are some interesting aligned components there. Very chosen one centered story. I’m really enjoying ... no wonder that it’s huge on Tumblr. Started as an anime, it was a Nickelodeon show, they made a film years ago and ... they think people had notes ... and now there’s a Netflix live action series coming out.

So, anyway, Oppa and Momo are two of the animal sidekicks in Avatar. 

Lauren: Amazing!

Cher: So, Oppa is this giant kind of flying fuzzy creature that is the avatar’s best friend and little animal sidekick. I feel like it’s a flying water buffalo would be a good way to describe it maybe. Or one of those fluffy cows. But it has six legs. So, it’s huge. So, Oppa and then Momo is a little creature/spirit that kind of has really big ears that it can fly around with and it’s a tiny little guy that you can fit into your little bag. They’re friends and they’re cute little sidekicks and I just feel like opposites attract in terms of one being really big and one being really small. But they’re still fuzzy cute little guys who fly around and they’re always around each other. So, why not? 

My biggest pitch here is, look, Donkey and Dragon from Shrek vibes. 

Lauren: That’s a very strong pitch.

Cher: Need I say more? And what’s your final ship, Lauren?

Lauren: I love that. I did not see an animal sidekick ship coming. I think that definitely counts for most obscure. I think that’s awesome. 

Cher: Thank you very much. I try.

Lauren: We need more of that. 

Cher: We should also do a quiz on the Dashboard Diaries Tumblr with each of the ships that we pitch on this episode!

Lauren: Yes. That’s a perfect idea. I love that. So, my final ship is ... I think definitely, yeah, the most obscure in some ways, simply because I think, yeah, the show is subtitled which we talked about before and also I’m at the point with this particular ship where I feel like I actually have re-blogged every single post about them that exists on Tumblr. We’re kind of at that threshold, so a thank you to the people who have made gif sets of these two. 

Cher: So, you’re like, please, can we expand?

Lauren: Can we please expand? Exactly! That’s actually a perfect segue into The Expanse which is the show that I’m talking about. 

Cher: I did not even realize! Ohhhh!

Lauren: Let’s expand The Expanse, right?

Cher: Tee hee.

Lauren: Tee hee. So, yeah. You guys have heard me talk about The Expanse before. I think we are going to do a pitch each other shows that Tumblr should love. So, I’m not going to get too far into the show. It is a sci fi, in space, Amazon series that ran for five seasons I want to say, five or six seasons, I’m forgetting exactly how much. And one of the central characters in it is a character named Amos Burton. I’m just going to read this post that I’ll make sure to re-blog that I think just perfectly encapsulates who he is and why Tumblr should love him.

So, this is from SpursThatJingleJangleJingle, which is a great Tumblr name. Thank you. And it reads, “Amos Burton is what everyone wants their big, buff military men to be, tbh. He knows how to walk in heels. He’s deeply and unapologetically violent. He’s good with kids. He finds people he trusts and sticks next to them like their lapdog pit bull that’s ready to tear out throats on a moment’s notice. He’s a mama’s boy. His sexuality is ‘I ain’t reading all those labels,’ ‘good for you,’ or ‘I’m sorry that happened.’ He’s drawn to found family sisters like a moth to flame. Whenever he is treated with genuine kindness he looks like a deer in headlights. He’s great.” 

That just perfectly describes Amos. (laughs)

Cher: Absolutely. I love that. I love the juxtaposition of all of those descriptors. Amazing.

Lauren: He’s incredible. Orphaned, former sex worker, turned mechanic / muscle of what are essentially fugitive group for the first couple of seasons that then become the most important people in the universe. And his whole story line is about him regaining a lot of the humanity that he lost in his childhood and in his very tragic back-story. And yeah, even the creators of The Expanse have said that his sexuality is just “yes.” He’s just that guy. 

His best friend in the whole world, that is once again textual, he calls him his “best friend in the whole world,” is Prax Meng who is a guy that they sort of pick up after there’s this attack on the planet Ganymede. Prax is a botanist. In the collapse of Ganymede he loses track of his daughter and then the crew of the Rocinante, the sort of main crew, helps him find his daughter.

Prax, he’s not equipped for this crazy life in space. He is plant guy who is a single dad. And he just is thrown into this world of aliens and war and this crazy stuff. And Amos is the guy who teaches him kind of how to take care of himself and protects him. And there is an amazing moment when ... Amos has a thing about kids because of the way that he grew up where he’s like absurdly protective of children. And so when they’re looking for Prax’s daughter he ends up almost beating this guy to death who they think has information. And Prax is the only one of the group to actually stop him successfully. It’s just so ... and there’s a whole thing when they actually find Prax’s daughter that if I speak ... it’s such a great sort of gentle and tough guy ship. And just found family. Adoptive parent type of situation. The way that he is with Nay, the daughter, is so sweet. 

Yeah, there’s just something about Prax who is so protective of his daughter who also has this genetic illness, who just immediately trusts Amos with her, it absolutely shatters my heart. I love it so much! It’s so good.

Cher: Please, people. 

Lauren: Please. Post more [crosstalk 00:32:12]

Cher: My last ship is from What We Do In The Shadows. I have been calling it the Guide Robinson. It is Collin Robinson and the Guide. If you are listening and are not familiar with What We Do In The Shadows and the individual characters and their personalities, Collin Robinson is an energy vampire. So, he sucks the energy out of people like as his vibe. Very Dwight in The Office coded I would say in a lot of ways, with less personality or maybe more of a flat personality. 

Then the Guide played by Christian Shaw is this centuries old vampire with mystical powers who has a lot of power in the What We Do In The Shadows universe or in the vampire world, technically. But no one listens to her. And she’s just kind of very awkward and has trouble making friends and really wants to fit in but struggles with it. And I just think that Collin Robinson and the Guide would balance each other out in a lot of special ways. And I don’t know, I think they might be meant for each other. I think this is something that maybe ... I don’t know if it’s been considered at all, but I’m very ... honestly, the more I’m talking about it, the more I am very pro this.

Collin The Guide Robinson. 

Lauren: I love it.

Cher: Also very proud of the ship name.

Lauren: It’s a good ship name. It sounds like its own sort of thing. It’s very cool. I love that. I do love that it’s ... there are those ships where it’s just like, it’s just instinctual. These people just belong together, and I can’t ... there’s not more that you need, right? It’s just that good instinct. 

Cher: I always forget ... do you watch What We Do In The Shadows?

Lauren: You know, I haven’t yet. I need to. 

Cher: Okay. I feel like this is the show I’m going to have to pitch to you. Because oh my god, I love it. It’s so good. 

Lauren: I love that.

Cher: You would love it. 

Lauren: Yeah, I’m sure I would. I just for some reason haven’t gotten around to it. I don’t know why. 

Cher: Well, it’s so exciting that you get to see it for the first time whenever you do. 

Lauren: That’s true. That is always such a delight. 

Cher: So much fun talking about ships. Love it. I feel like ships really are the ... gosh, I was trying to think of a ship related pun. They sail through the dashboard, I don’t know ... 

Lauren: Ships are really the wind beneath our sails.

Cher: Thank you!

Lauren: As art consumers. 

Cher: Oh my gosh. Lauren! What would I do without you? Thank you so much. Anyway ... 

[guitar riff]

Onto our next segment, Dashboard Confessionals. Where we take a look into our archives and see what we were posting about this time however many years ago. So, what do you have for us this week, Lauren?

Lauren: Yeah, so on February 13th, 2015 ... so nine years ago! Good lord. This is just a classic Tumblr post that made me smile. It’s just a photo of Lenny Kravitz wearing an absolutely fucking enormous scarf. (laughs) It’s just ... I don’t know the origin of this photo, because I assume that it’s photoshopped. I’m fairly certain that it’s a fake photo of Lenny Kravitz wearing a huge scarf. I don’t know why. I don’t know what spurred MySharona1987 to make this post. But I do love it. (laughs) 

Cher: But we do thank you.

Lauren: Yes. We do thank you. Thank you for your work. Yeah, a very simple and silly one this week. What about you? What’s in your archives?

Cher: Love it. So, in typical me fashion couldn’t pick just one. So, I picked two. The first one is from February 19, 2017. It’s a post that David Carp, the Founder of Tumblr, posted in Slack. And he just tagged himself in Slack and said @David. And then everyone responded to David tagging himself with the emoji of himself. And then I posted it on Tumblr tagging @David’s Tumblr.

Lauren: That’s very good.

Cher: David did this because it was a bit or a thing to do in the Tumblr full team Slack when David was CEO to put in the @channel @David to tag everyone in the company and then tag the CEO. A few people would do this. It did eventually ... HR was eventually like, “You can’t ...”

Lauren: You have to stop.

Cher: You can’t, you need to stop doing this. But yeah. Before we were fairly and validly stopped from notifying the entire company and its founder and CEO on a regular basis for no reason, David did post @David in the Slack and it was a big day. It was an exciting day for everyone involved.

Lauren: Incredible. I love it.

Cher: Yeah. The other one is really short and sweet, self explanatory. It is my yearbook photo from 2005. (laughs)

Lauren: Look at you! You’re so cute! 

Cher: I am wearing a navy blue flowery polo shirt and a navy blue pooka shell necklace to really accentuate the polo shirt. And of course it’s [crosstalk 00:37:31]

Lauren: A perfect 2005 outfit. Absolutely impeccable. 

Cher: Definitely from Limited Too. 

Lauren: Yes! Yes! That’s amazing. 

Cher: With that, what has you in your feels this week, Lauren?

[gentle music]

Lauren: So, this weekend I did something that I haven’t done in a really long time which is on Sunday I started this book and I’m going to get the pronunciation of the title wrong. I actually don’t know how it is pronounced but Piranesi by Susanna Clarke who is most known for writing Jonathan Strange & MR Norrell. Which is a book that I love. And she has written three books. It’s like Jonathan Strange, The Ladies of Grace Adieu, and this book. And this has been on my “to be read” for four years, since it came out in 2020, since I loved her first two books so much. And I read it. I started it a couple of days ago and then on Sunday, this is Monday as we’re recording this, I just sat down and spent most of the morning and afternoon reading the rest of this book. It wasn’t a particularly long book. And it was just ... it’s been a while since I’ve had that experience of reading a book where you’re just so sucked into it. Then I get to the last line and I just instantly burst into tears. And it was just like, I don’t know, it really ... I’ve been in a little bit of a reading rut for a while. I would say most of what I’ve read in the last 18 months has been nonfiction books, romance novels, and Star Wars books. (laughs)

All of those things are great but there’s something about sitting down with a completely original sort of story that you have no idea where it’s going. Even if it is an original romance, I know kind of what the end goal is. Right? But yeah, it really got me in my feels because it sort of reminded me of the magic of reading.

What about you? What has you in your feels?

Cher: I just started watching the new Amazon MGM Studio series, Mr. & Mrs. Smith. That’s with Maya Erskine and Donald Glover. I am loving it. I think it’s really fun and cute. And I’m shipping them super hard. And I really like them both as individuals. And so I’m really excited about having a new show, a brand new show that I am excited about and watching. So, yeah, that has me in my feels. 

Lauren: That show is definitely next on my list. It looks so fun. I love both of those actors so much. That’s great.

Cher: It’s fun, it’s cute. Definitely a bi panic show overall. Really enjoying it. We love those. It’s most shows as it turns out. 

Lauren: That’s true. Yeah.

Cher: Attractive characters.

Lauren: Which is most shows. 

Cher: Which is most shows. They don’t have to be attractive because it’s in the eye of the beholder. 

Lauren: That’s so true.

Cher: You know what I mean?

Lauren: Yeah. 

Cher: Anyway ... So, yeah. Most shows, it’s just most shows. 

Lauren: We don’t need an excuse to have bi panic. 

Cher: It’s just everything. And also I wanted to quickly before we close, I feel like I bring up this post all the time. And so I just wanted to mention it because it’s a Lord of the Rings post. I feel like when we did Dashboard Confessional last week I read a text post that reads from homosexuals having tea, which it turns out I’ve used as my dashboard confessional twice in a row. The text post says, “Love that one scene in Return of the King that’s like bad news, Sauron knows everything, good news, Pippin knows absolutely fuck all.” 

Lauren: It’s so good.

Cher: And someone made it into a gif set. And I was really excited to see that on my dashboard. And so thank you @RemusJohnSlupin. That’s the username. For making that work of art. So, that also has me in my feels – excited to see this text post that I continue to re-blog for years. Still have new life.

Lauren: It hits every time. 

Cher: It hits every time. 

Lauren: I love that.

Cher: Thank you, yet again. Completed my thoughts. What would I do without you? Anyway ... with that ... we fanic, we fixate, we complete each other’s sentences. 

Lauren: I love that.

Cher: I’m Cher McAnelly and you can find me at OverChers.Tumblr.com. 

Lauren: And I’m Lauren Shippen, and you can find me at TheLaurenShippen.Tumblr.com.

Cher: This has been Dashboard Diaries. And ... 

[outtro music]

Lauren: May your anons always be loving.

Cher: Your dash always refreshed.

Lauren: Your gifs always be loading.

Cher: And your ships always canon.

Lauren: May the fics you’re reading always be finished.

Cher: And the answers you seek always in the re-blogs.Lauren: Thanks for scrolling with us!

Shipping is a vital part of fandom culture and, let's be real, the central pillar of Tumblr's religion. This month, Cher and Lauren bring lesser loved ships to the table and pitch Tumblr users on why it's going to be their next fandom fixation.

Credits and transcript in our reblog. You can find transcripts for this, and every other episode, here.

Find the posts discussed in this episode in this tag!

[jupitermelichios]

I posted 267 times in 2022

159 posts created (60%)

108 posts reblogged (40%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jupitermelichios

@kiseiakhun

@morethanonepage

@definitelynotaminion

@theroseandthebeast

I tagged 222 of my posts in 2022

Only 17% of my posts had no tags

#my fics - 58 posts

#eurovision - 36 posts

#esc 2022 - 36 posts

#sterek - 32 posts

#creature!stiles - 24 posts

#sterek fanfiction - 24 posts

#teen wolf fic - 24 posts

#the outcry of wolves - 23 posts

#teen wolf fanfiction - 22 posts

#vampire!stiles - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#do you think you being an asshole on tumblr.com is going to magically bankrupt disney wil the steve ditko lawsuit and break up the monopoly

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i want this to go about 60% harder than it does, but i fucking love all the outfits

103 notes - Posted May 10, 2022

#4

So it occurred to me while working on my new teen wolf writing project that Stiles's dad is absolutely drowning in medical debt so probably can't afford to give Stiles much of an allowance, if any, and Stiles never mentions or goes to a part-time job, and yet he can afford a completely unexpected $1500 mechanic's bill when Erica breaks his Jeep, and buys an insane amount of stuff for Lydia's birthday, and even though he'd been planning to return most of it, he's sixteen at that point, he definitely doesn't have a credit card and probably doesn't have an overdraught, so he had to have had that money on hand, so I'm trying to figure out where his money comes from.

so far my possibilities are:

- its ad money from his youtube channel where he uploads deliberately shitty and out of focus footage of 'real werewolf sightings'

- it's sponsorship money from his podcast where he just talks completely truthfully about his life and half his audience think it's an ARG and the other half are just there to see if he'll ever actually admit this is all fiction

- he has a twitch channel where he streams exclusively games about werewolves

- all the 2012 sterek fics are correct and he's selling pictures of his neck to horny werewolves online

- turned his life into successful a pen and paper rpg and it's sourcebook money

- secret MLM double life. his facebook account name is karen and he's a double black diamond and he would love to talk to you about what herbalife can do for you

- he got in at the start of bitcoin before we knew it was an elaborate ponzi scheme and managed to actually cash out

- makes 8bit chiptune covers of britney songs on bandcamp

- just an insane amount of paid surveys. so many surveys

- furry porn artist

- mlp porn artist

- he's actually had physical job this entire time but it's doing something embarrasing and he never mentions it because he doesn't want scott to know. it probably involves a mascot costume of some kind

- a boring sensible option like part time web-dev or translation work

- fraud

- just straight up theft

123 notes - Posted January 28, 2022

#3

writing Chrissy's perspective: wow there's so many fascinating people in the world, maybe I am loveable after all, maybe my identity is more complex and nuanced than I ever realised before, gosh I really feel like I'm growing as a person and starting to confront some of the deep seated trauma that has shaped me as a person, eddie is such a wise supportive friend i learn so much from him

writing Eddie's perspective: oh my god she's so cute why is she so cute who the fuck approved this god is personally testing me by making her so cute she's adorable she's-

132 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

#2

love the decision to dress the female host as a TOS star trek villain

much better than her previous dress, which made her look like her texture hadn't finished loading

164 notes - Posted May 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

so someone on the buffy wiki asked a question that i have basically been thinking about non-stop since i saw it

how would btvs be different if spike had died when he was originally planned to, during the church collapse in season 2

and there's a lot of interesting logistical questions (honestly the answer is not much, he very rarely actually contributes to the main plot, probably because most of the writers room hated using him) like how would s7 end (you just create a different arbitrary mcguffin), would the buffybot still exist (probably yes, you just make her a warren or a jonathan thing and remove spike from the equation), what would buffy's s6 unhealthy coping mechanism be (my instinct is to say a buffy/xander subplot, which would be objectively worse but would hit basically all the same narrative beats, and would also make the xander/anya breakup feel a bit less weird)

but that isn't the reason i've been obsessing over this

the reason i've been obsessing over this is that if spike dies in that church, drusilla should logically become a recurring villain, probably hitting a lot of the same broad plot beats as spike did

and now i can't stop thinking about a version of buffy where dru gets actual character developement, where they have to think of cool shit to do with her future-seeing powers (being completely incidental to the plot is a very weird quality for clairvoyent powers to have tbh but they never once make effective use of them in the show)

and i also realised that in a version of season 6 where dru is a main cast member, or at least a recurring guest star, the obvious choice would be for her to mentor willow

willow never gets any kind of magic teacher in any way that matters, and she never gets to talk to another canon-queer person apart from tara, and giving willow a mentor figure who is magic and queer and probably pretty supportive, but also is absolutely 100% trying to make willow worse would be so interesting! and maybe it would force the writers to remember that giles knows magic, and you could have a 'which will willow choose' dynamic going on between this proudly bi proudly magic vampire and the closetted deeply afraid of his own magic human and it could be so interesting! like i fucking love spike and giles's canon relationship, but it never goes anywhere and this would absolutely have to go somewhere

also there would obviously be a subplot, probably in season 4, about dru manipulating events to bring spike back from the dead, but he'd come back as human, and the scoobies would want to protect him from her both because he's human and because spike died before they realised he's not actually a threat so they think vampire spike is a big deal, so he'd be a main cast member and build relationships with them all, and you've got human spike and vampire dru kind of circling one another and flirting but also being freaked out by one another, and however you chose to end the subplot it would be the kind of compelling tragedy that all the best spike stories are. if he choses to become a vampire then you're functionally killing the relationships he would have built with the scoobies by that point, and if he chooses to stay human, you're breaking dru's heart, and basically every other variation i can think of is also tragic, and i love basically all of them

and dru would fucking hate glory, even if you never did the chip subplot in s4 and didn't use human spike to bring her into the group, you could absolutely fold her into the gang in s5 using 'the enemy of my enemy' as the justification

there are so many little problems with buffy that you could fix using dru as a recurring character - the watcher's council functionally only exist when needed, they have no real presence, but they're canonically fascinated with dru and want to experiment on her so they'd have a reason to have a recurring presence in the show that isn't directly related to buffy. vampires have no culture and the one time they were given a religion the writers were too scared to explore it in any depth, but dru is possitioned to interact with the cult of aurelius in a way spike never was, so they might be forced to actually think about the fact that vampires ought to have a unique culture and religious perspective and general outlook on the world. the concept of bisexuality might have to exist. everything with how angel interacts with the gang post s2 would be so much more interesting, and there'd be a reason to bring darla back and give her some character developement. mental health! they'd have to talk about mental health prior to season 6!

i'm not going to write this fic, because it would be so fucking long, but please join me in imagining the au that could have been if buffy comics weren't all terrible, or i had infinite time for writing fic

166 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[fantasysamsclub]

so the adventure zone was recently picked up for an animated series.

hooray! good for the mcelroys. i’m glad they’re getting more mainstream. i’m glad they’re able to financially support themselves and their family with this fame. i’m glad taz has a chance to get new fans! i’m glad fans get to see some of the most iconic balance moments animated!

i also think it’s a monstrously bad idea.

(this is long and this may seem pretty mean and radical, but please read before fighting me on any of this. also this isn’t an attack on anyone that’s excited for any of this adaptation stuff! it’s good to be excited for this success. but also there are some things to consider.)

okay! so, up front: i think the taz animated series is a bad idea. i also think, retrospectively, the graphic novel was a bad idea. also i think the vox machina origins comic and animated series are bad ideas.

okay so this is going to get. a little long and rambly. but i’ll try to keep it organized.

1. TAZ Graphic Novel

now, when the first book was announced, i was excited! i’m still excited for the next one. aside from the blue/green elves thing, which i won’t ever forgive, carey’s doing a great job adapting this piece. i’ve met her before and she generally does know what she’s talking about, comics-wise, so i do think she was a very good choice to pick up the graphic novel

there are still problems! oh, are there problems. for example, i think everyone in the novel is characterized in a wildly different way than the original podcast. i can also get into this later if people want to hear about it, but! people have picked at that one before.

out of all the adaptations i’m going to talk about, this one is the best!

2. Vox Machina Origins

alright. context. i don’t know if i’ve said this on this platform before, but i’m a comic book artist (my big project is coming out this year, i’ll announce it on here, that’s not the point of this rant). and i bought the comic on a whim! it was a christmas present to me.

now, i know a lot of people read it and enjoyed it! and that’s great. i’m happy you got joy out of the book, really. i think every piece of art means something to someone, no matter its popularity or quality. and it did well, as far as i know! so that’s very good for CR and its fans. also i think pike is hot.

all that aside, the comic does suck very much.

i could go into a deep analysis of it (i CAN, if enough people actually want to see that?) but tldr: it’s rushed, both in production and story pacing. the character art is good! but you can see the shortcuts. the lettering is. awful. (that’s mostly a problem of modern comics in general though)

and i’m not blaming anyone at CR for these problems! really, if dark horse wants to pick up an adaptation, any writers from the original project should be heavily coached on how to write for a new medium. i’m not blaming matthew for that one! i know from firsthand experience that comic writing is different from anything else you will ever write, and is so difficult to get correct. as far as i knew, matt had never written for comics before! it would be really nice if he had some more resources to get this done right.

but that would cost money.

and that brings me to--

3. The Vox Machina Animated Series

wow! look at all that money everyone raised for this animated series. this animated series that the creators said they were raising money for so they could do it independently. hope they don’t go pitch it to a bigger company to do m--

and, it was sold to Amazon.

like, it didn’t even take them a month.

and in the current climate of how animation is bought and sold, i understand the need to sell it to a streaming service! you need a platform to let people view it, and youtube is in the shitter with its copyright stuff lately, so it makes sense to go private to keep your show safe. and then, you can maybe make more episodes after you run out of kickstarter money. i don’t hate that idea!

but amazon...hm.

it’s probably fine, right?

3.5. Wendy’s

haha remember when CR got sponsored by wendy’s and played their shitty rpg that wasn’t even balanced properly and then people called them out for it and then they donated all the money to a cause wendy’s hated to make up for it (good on them!) and then deleted the VOD off youtube? gosh, good times.

money makes people do strange things.

4. TAZ Animated Series

so, peacock has taz. sure! that works. it’s not the best company to pick this up, but it’s also not the worst. i’ll take that. i looked up the guy that’s slated to direct this and i don’t think he’s ever directed an animated show? which isn’t great, but that’s not what i’m worried about.

you know what i am worried about?

these big corporations don’t care if these adaptations are any good. they just want to cram as many iconic moments from your quirky, small-owned d&d podcasts to get you to give them money. for the mcelroys and the CR crew, it’s a passion project. to amazon and dark horse and NBC, it’s an investment.

you’re going to buy the book to see vax and vex bicker!

you’re going to tune in to watch magic brian!

you’re going to want to read pike meeting scanlan, of course!

you want to see “phantasmal and resplendent” animated!

here’s the other thing. when i see people talking about the animated series, this is exactly what they’re looking for.

“i want to watch merle dirty talk the plants on screen!”

“i want to see the taakitz date!”

“i want to see magnus do the julia scene...”

now, this mindset isn’t bad! no, if you’ve been thinking this, that’s okay! it’s really not my personal thought (i think adaptations are best when they DO change things in the story to better fit the new medium they’re going on) but it’s fine.

we might get tom arnold!

but you know what we’re not going to get?

we’re not going to get apologies and revisions when something goes wrong. we’re not going to get cute extra scenes because that would require more writing. we’re not going to get the same respect for the LGBTQ+ characters on screen. the people working on this show will not get paid what they’re worth.

we’re probably not going to get a trans actress for lup.

we’re probably going to see less of carey and killain.

we’re probably going to see even fewer black and brown characters than we already have.

why’s that?

because it’s a money project. they’re doing it for money. and they want to reach as wide of an audience as possible, right? “really, we need to cut back on this gay stuff so that straight people aren’t uncomfortable. we need to stay more moderate on this project so that more people will watch it!”

(that was sarcasm)

now, NBC has had some good shows! but that’s really the responsibility of their individual writers, and it’s usually in spite of the companies they work for, and not because of them.

once an author or an artist sells their project to a company for adaptation, they often lose all rights to input from it. i don’t know what the mcelroy’s or CR’s contracts are, but unless they have better lawyers than NBC or amazon.....they probably got shafted somehow.

it’s not a mcelroy product. it’s not a CR product. don’t pretend like it is.

you can enjoy it, but please be cautious. this is just a pile of money in a cheap taako costume. don’t trust it as much as you would the podcast.

tldr: individual creators are always going to make more genuine content than corporations that buy those creations for larger adaptations. it’s okay to enjoy these adaptations, but please be aware that it’s not going to have the same spirit or heart as the boys talking about masturbation on a filler show they did quickly so justin could go support his wife in labor.

[littlecafe]

omg those methods are all so much better for packing the cd! the paper envelopes make me so nervous when i try to take it out. its so dumb to think about how much they could have done better. i got my album this week and the cover is just so sad, even the embossed details are really difficult to see...i wish they could have at least put their group logo or honestly anything else. even the fake group from the drama jr was a part of had actual albums for purchase, and the quality was so much better??

thats truee they were so young when they started, and they still have some time before they have to go... but aron started a podcast with his friend and they just released their first video! it looks really promising and im glad he isnt limited anymore :')

truly the group is so close with each other like always wearing each others clothes or whatever and showering each other with compliments, i dont even know how solo fans justify themselves.

oh my gosh posters for packaging?? thats an expensive piece of paper! ah noo there arent many shops near me so i order them online, which always means a random poster. i did get a group poster though which im very happy about :D and thankfully the pages werent ripped, but just the fear of the possiblity really made the experience less enjoyable that it should have been. i do think those are a decent size for posters. ah did you get your day6 one in a tube?

the albums after the merge just keep getting more disappointing the more you think about it, like romanticize with the tiniest paper photobook in a "box" that would be so easily crushed, and now a blank white cover with empty pages inside :| i miss the happily ever after album budget so much. plus their q is and canvas album were beautiful and the company was literally in debt at that time!

yes the paper envelopes are just not it, when taking it out you have to be extra careful if you don't want to fingerprint the other side....and it just feels kinda wrong storing the cd inside a paper envelope and then inside a book (the album) like it's not even a storage box type album it's literally book style i have no idea why they deviated from attaching it inside one of the covers...it's not even expensive to do like jyp does it cheap af for some day6 albums just a little foamy circle thing to hold it in place

omg the cover ugh i thought the embossing was going to be way more noticeable than that??? but it's soooo light, it's hard to pick up on camera and probably not insanely better in person i bet...the fact that only the 1 and 0 are in black (not counting that tiny ass text at the bottom) makes it the only thing really visible on the album, no group name, no album name, no logo like you can't even tell who the album belongs to it's really a frustrating design choice, also this is minor but the fact that the 1 and 0 aren't even aligned, which wouldn't be a problem at all if you could see the rest of the typography design, except you can't since the rest of the numbers are white so from further away it's just a floating 1 in one corner of the album and a slight lower 0 on the other side like wtf

plssss i saw fans talking about the fake group's album too and it really does look so much better i'm so sick how can you let a group that's not even real beat you in the album department like please do better omg nu'est was done so dirty

yes thankfully there is still some time, unless it's just unlucky drawings that have you get called earlier but i don't really know how it works exactly or what years they are up to now eep but oh wow the first episode is out? i'll have to check it out when i have the time, i've just been out of the loop lately on a lot of things since i can apparently only divide my energy between 2 things at max (rip)

honestly don't know what they are even using to justify their thoughts bc the members are so close and truly enjoy each other's company in literally every video and show i've ever watched of them it's crazy they have solo stans that are that adamant about it too

aw i see, yea kpop stores are still pretty rare and i think every online website just gives randomly but ahhh i'm happy to hear your album got to you safely and nothing is damaged!! and the group poster too omg lucky!! ot5 pictures are always a win i love that for you! oh god yea, if i knew beforehand that albums were arriving in those conditions i would've been so nervous too so i'm glad i didn't??? but also if something was wrong in my album i think i would cry like the ripped pages are really too much.....

oh i think it might be more common for stores in korea to do that, my sister bought the nu'est album physically in store so there's nothing to pack but the poster was rolled and taped by a cut scrap piece of a tvxq poster but it wasn't an official one, it lowkey looked like a press picture from ages ago and it was double sided too idk why the store has it and used it to roll up their posters SJHJDSFDS

i also remember a tiktok that cause a lot of chaos on twitter back then, the only thing i can pull up about it now is this screenshot but seems like occasionally, unsold/ungiven posters do just get crumpled or cut up for packaging ;_;

i didn't get my day6 posters in a tube since i bought them in store! they just roll it up loosely for me and put it in the bag with the album or hand it off to me~ i have bought albums online before but were bought long after pre-order benefits ended so those never came with posters for me but from unboxing videos seems like they tend to come in a tube, i think some places give you the option to have it come folded too if you don't want the tube

yea that flimsy box...what they were thinking like that packaging is so easily damaged during shipping and these albums literally get shipped everywhere!! they were clearly trying to cheap out and not give them a hard cover box but then why would u even attempt that packaging style...if they wanted to go soft cover they should just make it a slip box like this, with everything fitted to the cover so it won't get easily dented but maybe that would expose how thin the photobook was 🙄

those blank pages along with so many useless white space it's horrible, my sister said it reminds her of those testing booklets that have those white pages that say "this page has been intentionally left blank" there's literally no reason to have empty pages in a photobook 😭😭

so true...wish we had that budget back at least for this last album, happily ever after was truly their best work for nu'est imo very sad that it just got progressively worse and more money grabby as the albums went on and then the horrible quality downgrade and price increase after the merge just the bitter cherry on top ugh...exactly...they managed to make decent albums with no money before yet now they have money and this is what we get???

[gra-sonas]

I didn’t mean to be “silent”, this just took me much longer to write than I had planned. 

First of all, I’d like to point you in the direction of a very good post @adiwriting​ posted a couple of days ago, that sums things up in a very articulate way, you can find it HERE.

~*~

In short: in his most recent interview with the Pretty Little Wine Moms Podcast, Tyler - who’s playing a character who’s half Native American -  revealed, that he did a DNA test with a company called 23AndMe during the filming of season 1 of Roswell, New Mexico, and he test didn’t detect Native American ancestry, even though his grandmother had told him in 2010, that his paternal grandfather Harold's great grandmother was Cherokee Indian.

Below the cut is a transcript of that part of the interview, my opinion on this whole thing, and I answered a couple of asks I got about it. This is a VERY long post.

I’ve already watched the video of the interview, and it shows, that they edited the interview quite heavily. There are several cuts throughout the episode, and some things that can be heard in the audio version, didn’t make it into the video either. 

TRANSCRIPT [I didn’t transcribe every laugh or random words, but I’ve tried my best to make it as accurate as possible]

LESLEY: Did you audition for any of the other roles on PLL?

TYLER: No, Caleb came in halfway through season one. I remember, it was supposed to be a 4-episode stint, a guest starring role. What’s funny though, I lived right by Warner Brothers [studios], so I would drive […] past Warner Brothers and there was a bill board of Pretty Little Liars before it came out and I was like “I could probably be on a show like that.” So, anyway, I auditioned for Caleb, yeah. I never read for… […] No, I didn’t get the role at first because they were like “we really think he needs to be like really ethnic. We need some ethnic diversity. And I was like—

LESLEY: What are you? You’re like “hello”! Part Native American, i mean.

TYLER: Well, no, I’m actually not. I’m actually not, I found out.

HOLLY: Whaaaat? Yes, you are. We did talk about this.

NIA: I thought you were.

HOLLY: We talked about this on set.

TYLER: Do you know when I found out that I wasn’t is when I got Roswell, my character was also supposed to be Native American, half Native American. And I was like “great”, because the pool was like so small. You know, so this is great, you know. I’m shooting season one of the show and do a 23AndMe [DNA test] and I have literally not even 0.1 % Native American.

HOLLY: That can’t be possible.

NIA: No, no, no, no, let me explain how that works. That’s not right.

HOLLY: Nia has some things to tell you.

NIA: The information - I know these things, every nationality in me—

TYLER: Okay, tell me.

NIA: 23AndMe is pulling from— if you do 23AndMe and then you do… what’s the other one—

LESLEY: AncestryCOM

HOLLY: AncestryCOM

NIA: —they’ll come up different. And the reason they’ll come up different from each other is, they’re pulling from the people they already have in their database. So, if there’s not very many Native American people doing 23AndM—

HOLLY: Which there isn’t.

NIA: —it’s not gonna show up.

TYLER: Oh god.

NIA: Yeah.

[INFO: There’s a clear CUT at this point before the interview continues, they even cut Tyler’s “Oh god” you can hear in the audio from the video. So they must’ve talked about this some more before the official version of the interview continues.]

TYLER: Okay, so this is what happened, going back [to being cast as Caleb]. They said “thank you so much for the read” and I really thought I was gonna get it. Because Gayle Pillsbury [PLL casting director] - I’d never even read for her before - and I went in and auditioned, and her response was literally everything you want in an audition. She like lost her fucking mind and was like “where did you come from?”, you know, that sort of thing. I mean, I’m a TERRIBLE auditioner and I get so unbelievably nervous, so for that to be the response—

LESLEY: Wow.

TYLER: So that response… I was like “oh my gosh”. And you even audition and you’re like “I booked it. I booked it!”, you know what I mean? Even though it’s not up to her, you know, but anyway. Then they told me “thank you so much for the read, it was so good, but we want more ethnic diversity”. They came back to me, I don’t know, three weeks later? And they were like “What is your background?” And I was like “I don’t even know.” I called my dad, he tells me “I don’t even know.” He’s like “Call grandma.”. I call my grandma, she tells me her side and then… My dad’s dad passed away before I was born, I don’t know his side of the family at all. So my grandmother talks about his side of the family and says “You know—“ - it was Harold, Harold was my grandfather’s name - —“Harold’s great grandmother was Cherokee Indian. And I was like “Really?” I was like “This is good!”

WINE MOMS,  LAUGHING: “This is good!”

TYLER: So, then I told casting “I’m Native American.” And so they thought it was enough to cast me as, you know, ‘ethnically ambiguous’ or whatever.

[END TRANSCRIPT]

~*~

I’m not an expert on DNA tests. Nia’s comment that tests from different companies come back with different results bc they pull their data from different gene pools makes sense, but I can’t verify whether that's actually the case. Neither do I know whether her claim that 23AndMe pool lacks Native samples for reference is correct.

If it is, it would mean that 23AndMe DNA tests in general wouldn’t be able to detect Native ancestry in any sample. Maybe a test with a different company would come up with a different result, in any case, it would be a very small percentage, given how many generations are between Tyler and his Native ancestor.

The result of the test is only one piece of the puzzle tho, and not the relevant one.

The question isn’t whether the result indicates that what Tyler’s grandma told him is false. The question is, if one Native ancestor 5 generations back and no tribal affiliation of any kind entitle Tyler to play POC characters. 

The answer is a clear no, and yet he’s been cast as non-white characters (and in one case as an explicitly Native character) twice in his life.

That’s unfortunate at best, and ignorant at worst.

~*~

Tyler auditioned for PLL in 2010 when he was 23, turning 24 that year. Initially he didn’t get the role bc they wanted someone “ethnic”. They called him 3 weeks (!) after the initial rejection and asked about his background, and by talking to his grandma, he found out about this Native ancestor.

2010 was a mere decade ago, but it was also a different time. Discussions about diversity and representation on screen, the question whether it’s okay for male actors to play trans women or if shows should pass the Bechdel test were all topics that weren’t discussed as “aggressively (and I mean that in a very positive way, hammer it home that all these things matter!) as they are discussed today, and structures in the TV and movie industry ignored most of it anyway (still do way too often, lbr).

Looking back, it’s easy to condemn what happened as vigorously as we would condemn it if it happened today, but applying today’s standards to 2010 is still a bit unfair. (I’m not saying that what happened is okay, just that back then the level of awareness for it to be wrong wasn’t the same as it is today).

Sure enough ABC execs were all too happy to accept that minimal partial Native ancestry as “enough” to cast him, probably also because Tyler looked “ethnically ambiguous” to them, whatever that means. (Holly also mentioned that they talked about Tyler’s Native ancestry on the set of PLL, and apparently not a single person pointed out that maybe it was a questionable decision...).

Tyler was trying to get his career started back then, and an opportunity like PLL would be any young actor’s dream. When they told him “you’re ethnic enough, you’ve got the job”, he lacked the tools and the awareness to question their decision, neither did anyone ever question Tyler’s decision to accept the role. It was considered to be “okay” by all sides. Which is a systemic problem.

As far as I know, Caleb’s supposed “ethnically diverse” background was never explored on PLL, so they were just happy he looked “ethnic" but never gave a fuck about actual representation. Welcome to the club of most TV shows ever made. Even in 2020, too many shows and movies still try to pull that shit. The difference is, that nowadays they are called out, and people speak up. 

~*~

Fast forward to 2017 when Tyler got the script for Roswell. 7 years of him believing that this partial Native ancestry made him part Native, not half like Alex Manes, but it probably felt like it was “enough” - it had been enough for PLL after all.

He got cast because he’s a great actor, but also because he supposedly had the required ethnic background. This is also on the studio tbh. I assume he was asked about his background and he must’ve told them the same story (since he didn’t have a DNA test he could’ve shown them), and for The CW “one Cherokee Indian ancestor 5 generations back” was also “Native enough”...

~*~

It’s quite a bit of a mess tbh. Fans have been hit rather hard by this revelation, some are angry, some are disappointed, some feel uncomfortable, some probably don’t know whether how they feel is how they should feel after applying all our new-found 2020 ~wisdom and awareness to the situation.

Opinions on the matter differ. Vastly in some cases. Some people feel betrayed, some have “cancelled” Tyler, for others it’s not ideal but also not that big of a deal. It’s a mixed bag, really. 

As for me: 2010 Tyler gets a pass from me. It was a “different time” with different industry rules in place, and ABC’s higher ups, who should’ve known and done better, didn’t. Neither did anyone in casting, nor his management, colleagues, or anyone in his personal life. And he clearly lacked the experience and awareness to question the decision, or himself for accepting it because it never was questioned! Not even in the years following.

2017 Tyler only gets a partial pass. 2017 wasn’t 2020 and too many things were still not all that different from 2010. He’d been on a show for 7 years where this partial Native ancestry was “enough”. Hence he probably felt like auditioning for the role of Alex was okay, and everyone involved in the casting process thought so, too. 

He never pretended to be Native American to get the role, he never pulled a Scarlett Johansson. However... he probably should’ve questioned a bit harder whether a Native ancestor 5 generations back makes him “Native enough” to play a (half) Native character, or any kind of POC character for that matter.

So yeah, definitely putting some blame on him for the lack of awareness, but I’m also side-eying The CW and whoever was involved in the decision making. 

~*~

What I hope for and expect fromTyler now and in the future is, that he won’t ever allow to be cast as any kind of “ethnic” character ever again.

He’s worked hard and has very much earned the career he’s made. He’s an amazing actor, but the circumstances that gave him the opportunity to have that career are based on racist structures in the TV and movie industry, and he directly profited from a system, that cast him - for all we know a white man - as a man of color. Twice.

Imo Tyler’s well aware of these things now. 2020 in particular should’ve been a pretty good eye-opener. It’s good that he has someone like Jeanine to look up to and learn from (not her job to teach him or take him by the hand or anything, but I think she’s a great example of someone who’s already made a name of herself, and uses her influence to help others, and the way she talks about diversity and elevating marginalized voices is very powerful), and I hope that in the future he’ll use is voice and “weight” as an established actor, to elevate minority voices and push for their stories to be included.

Answered your question in part above already.

It’s important to note that there’s a difference between criticizing someone’s actions, and openly hating and/or dissing them. This is a messy situation, and while Tyler can’t change the past, he has to do better in the future. Saying that doesn’t make me (or anyone else) a hater. Tyler’s amazing, but he’s also not perfect. And he doesn’t have to be. No one’s perfect.

When I look back at my life, dear god, I grew up in a very liberal family, we travelled places, I had access to all the books and education, and still. At 23? I was somewhat anti-feminist and a slightly conservative leaning liberal. Not a bad person per se, but also quite ignorant (compared to today’s standards anyway). Thankfully that’s changed over the years. And it keeps changing. Because getting complacent and thinking “I know it all” is BS. I’m working on myself every day, and I’m still prone to fuck up occasionally bc the system is rigged in my favor, and I might not even be aware of it in that moment. 

I’m not cross with Tyler, because I can’t say for certain I hadn’t done the same if the circumstances had been similar. I’m actually quite sure I had done the same, bc society and the industry made it okay. AND NO ONE EVER QUESTIONED IT! He never claimed more for himself than a Native ancestor 5 generations back, and society at large and the TV/movie industry in particular said “that’s fine, you have that ancestry, you can go for diverse roles”. So in part, he fell victim to a system that pretended it was okay.

With MeToo and the Black Lives Matter movement, that “it’s okay” mentality is finally questioned and challenged, and more and more people speak up whenever someone tries to pull this shit. But it still keeps happening and there’s a lot more work to do. 

No one can claim ignorance anymore, though. And he has to do better in the future.

I feel you, nonnie. It’s a messy situation. Imo it’s most unfortunate that this information came out the way it did. In a heavily edited podcast episode with inexperienced (and dare I say “industry-biased”) moderators. We don’t know what else he said or for how long they talked about this.

The podcast hosts were clearly not the most qualified to handle that kind of revelation. There were no follow-up questions, there was no criticism, and the way the interview was edited, the whole thing was treated as a non-issue and “fun” anecdote. Which doesn’t do Tyler any favors tbh. 

But imo it’s also unfair to condemn him solely on what they decided to release. We don’t know what else he said, whether he expressed remorse or whatnot. I don’t know whether his publicist okayed the interview prior to its release. If they did, he should get a new publicist... 

(I’m not implying he should’ve kept it a “secret”, but as a publicist I would’ve made sure this revelation had been handled differently, and Tyler hadn’t been made to look like he was just laughing it off).

I don’t know Tyler personally, but going by everything I’ve seen from him and know about him, I’m certain he won’t take on another POC role. And even if another DNA test should come up with a different result one day, and a certain percentage of Native ancestry would be found, I’d expect him to handle things differently. And imo that’s something he expects from himself, too. He’s a good man. <3

I don’t think he should, but I’m white, so my opinion on this isn’t really relevant. If Native groups would call for him to step down (which I don’t think they would), I’d support it because THEIR opinion on this actually matters.

One option could be that they do a storyline where it’s revealed that the woman Alex believes to be his mother isn’t his biological mom and it turns out he’s not Native - but that’s probably a far stretch, idk.

If he’d give up the role (which he clearly isn’t doing, considering he’s found out during S1 and is about to begin filming S3), I doubt The CW would recast the role with a native actor btw. Alex’d just be written off the show.

What I hope for is, that he’ll join Jeanine in her efforts to push for more Native and Latinx representation and stories on the show (Jeanine talked about that in her recent IG live with congressman Castro, @lambourngb​ made a post about it), and you can watch the entire IG live here.

Fandom’s a large group of many individual people. There are several people who have addressed this and talk about it. And while not every single person in fandom’s talking about it, it’s not swept under the rug either.

And how does this whole thing make Malex fans (another large group of many individual people) look toxic? Malex fans are not a hive mind. I have seen several Malex fans talk about this, and talk about it critically.

I’m sorry that you’re disappointed, nonnie, I’m just not sure what you expected?

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

have you ever dressed up for halloween or for like a costume party? what's your favorite thing you've worn? do you like wearing jewelry? do you listen to podcasts?what's an interesting historical event you know a little about? when do you feel the most comfortable? do you have any piercings or tattoos? Are there any you'd like to get? what's one thing you're proud of?

Wow, All in huh??? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

1) Have I ever dressed up for halloween or for a costume party? NNNNNNNNOT REALLY. I wasn’t allowed to do Halloween after the age of like. Five? Because my parents got MORE religious than they’d already been and they decided halloween was evil. And then as an adult I didn’t have a lot of local friends or money so... not really most of the time. BUT! There was ONE YEAR when I was in my mid-20s, that my wife and I went to a Halloween party with some local friends. She was Death of the Endless, we dyed her hair black, I did her eye makeup, there was a cardboard-covered-in-tinfoil ankh necklace and everything. I that year dressed up as Delirium to go with her. I bought fishnets that I tore a couple holes in, had some clompy boots, bought a skirt and shirt at the thrift store, and dyed my hair... like Half of it was red, half of it was just random spots of bleached, blue, and green. (I actually went to a job interview the next day and frantically reassured the interviewer that I was bleaching my hair and dying it a more natural color later that week) It was very fun as a costume tho. OH tho last year for halloween I loaned my wife a purple dress I sewed for myself and we got her some white tights and a white scarf, and I dug out my purple henley and and jeans some bandaids for my face and fingers, and we went as Hawkeye for Halloween. She was Kate Bishop and I was Clint Barton. That was probably my favorite even tho it was so low-effort. 1.5) On its own line, I think this “what’s the fave you’ve worn” was meant to be about the costumes, which I answered above, but IN GENERAL the thing I’ve worn that’s my favorite has been

Do I like wearing jewelry? I do like wearing jewelry! I need to get new earrings bc the ones I had got lost, but I used to always wear like, small gauge horseshoe earrings with the balls that screw onto the ends? I just lost the balls on the ends. I also wear a necklace every day. And I used to have a wedding band but I don’t have one that fits currently and it drives me NUTS bc even years without it I feel  like I should have a ring on that finger.

Do I listen to podcasts? I listen to podcasts off and on! Mostly MBMBAM, The Magnus Archives, The Penumbra Podcast, and Faculty of Horror. We relisten to early WtNV to sleep sometimes, and I keep meaning to catch up on TAZ, but that’s not active yet.

What’s an interesting historical event I know something about? ...Gosh that’s hard. Like, I know some stuff about historical eras or cultures but EVENTS??? Hmmm... I. Fuck. I abruptly cannot think of ANY HISTORICAL EVENT AT ALL. I’m a fucking History Major this is embarrassing. Uh okay so... I can’t think of anything. I’m so sorry. XD

When do I feel most comfortable? When I’m curled up in bed and have Birdie pressed against my back with her arm around my waist. Bonus points for literally any of our other partners in bed as well, but that happens so rarely. :(

Do I have any piercings or tattoos? I DO! Piercings are easiest. I have my left lobe pierced 3 times (though all but the first might be closed) and my right 2 times (tho ditto), and the upper shell of my left ear once (but again, closed). TATTOOS gosh, ok I have, in chronological order: a) a sort of cross between a cross and a peace sign on the inside of my left ankle. I got it when I was 18 and still a Good Christian Girl, my church bff designed it, it stood for peace in Christ, and the only thing stopping me from trying to get a coverup is the fact that it’s REALLY heavy/thick black work, and the location which was really painful. b) the kanji 天使 (which translates to “angel”) on my right inner forearm, over self harm scars specifically. I got this when I was 19 and back living with my bigoted conservative family and suicidal and trying to remind myself that I was loved. I also picked it out of a book and was lucky that book had the right kanji tbh, but I picked it bc my parents wouldn’t be able to read it, and it meant “angel” which was Birdie’s pet name for me at the time, and she was living across the country from me. If I could go back, I would get a different angel-themed tattoo in the same place, but at least I have the proper kanji for it if I’m going to have an ill-advised Japanese tattoo. c) a little curled ivy tramp stamp I picked out of a book in a little tattoo shop on St. Mark’s Place in NYC at like 2am, do NOT ask, it was dumb. Thankfully easier to work into a larger piece if I ever have the money for a back piece. d) text that is now near-illegible (due to the delicate nature of the script and the time since I got it) on the back of my left shoulder. It says “the universe has been waiting for me” in Birdie’s handwriting. It’s a line from Donna Noble’s last episode of Doctor Who, and I had FEELINGS. e) text on the inside of my left wrist that says “alive or dead, the truth won’t rest.” specifically in courier new. It’s a quote from @seananmcguire​‘s book FEED, and Birdie has a matching tattoo on her wrist as well. f) A tattoo of Coyote and the Sun, with color, on the outer side of my right calf. It’s the only colored Tattoo I have. I plan to get a semi-matching tattoo on my left calf that is El-Ahrairah and the Black Rabbit of Inle doing sort of a yin-yang esque circle chasing each other. it’s a Trickster thing, tying animals commonly considered  to be Tricksters with stuff that is meaningful to me. Coyotes have always been important to me, I grew up in Arizona there were always coyotes about and I always loved them, and then Watership Down was a surprise true love of a book when I was a teen.

Are there any piercings/tattoos I’d like to get? Piercings not so much. Maybe an eyebrow one day idk. Tattoos tho, goddamn, I’ve got SO MANY PLANS. I want to get text tattoos - either part of a larger text-heavy design or separately - of “It’s chaos, be kind”, “You are not obligated to complete the work, neither are you free to abandon it”, and “Do good recklessly”. Other quotes I’m sure but those three specifically. Obviously the Watership Down/Rabbit the Trickster tattoo I mentioned. Also a design from one of the tattoos on one of the guards of the Pazyriyk ice maiden. Also ngl I kinda want to get the sigils for witcher signs on the backs of my fingers. Some people get “THUG LYFE” or “FUCK YOU”, I get “I WILL FUCK YOU UP (in symbolic form)” XD

What’s one thing I’m proud of? The fact that I’m alive. ...Seriously, I’m quite proud of that, I’ve had some shit years in my life, and I’ve nearly not made it more than once. I’m proud as HELL that I’m here. I’m proud that I’m in college. I’m proud that I’m writing again.

Thank you for all these questions! So many, lmao, but I loved it, thank you. ^_^

[little-boats-on-a-lake]

The Two Princes S3 E7 Spoiler Review

The narrator is literally one of us and I love him

HONEY NUT CHEERIOS WHAT EXACTLY WERE YOU THINKING THIS IS NOT THE CORRECT VIBE

The Despair sounds different and I don’t like that

Bro I’m scared of him and he isn’t even real

I love Rupert powered by righteous fury

SONG TIME??? YES SONG TIME SONG TIME!!!

Noah Galvin has such a gorgeous voice (Ari’el Stachel too)

Are these... it is! Rupert’s memories! 😭

I can definitely feel how the quarantine influenced this and I adore it

YES RUPERT DEFEAT THE DESPAIR WITH THE POWER OF SONG

TBH I think this would work a lot better as a power ballad but something about how soft this song is makes it so incredibly powerful

WAIT THE POWER OF SONG IS ACTUALLY WORKING?

Wait what’s happening now the despair is gone that means everyone is back now right right RIGHT???

YES YES YES EVERYONE IS BACK??? EVERYONE IS BACK!!! AND RUPERT SAVED THE DAY!!!

...I love Percy now he owns my entire heart it is all for him

PERCY SHIPS JECILY PERCY SHIPS JECILY PERCY SHIPS JECILY

AND KISSING A BOY OH I KNEW IT

Its okay Joanie you can admit you love your dad

He apologized? I’m proud of you too Brutus!!!

AND BRUTUS SHIPS JECILY OH MY GOSH EVERYONE CAN SEE THIS

IS JECILY HAPPENING? PLEASE PLEASE LET JECILY BE HAPPENING

Oh, the Jecily

HOLY MOLY THEY DID THE SHUT UP AND KISS ME

BARRABUS AND CHAMBERLAIN? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WANT THAT SO MUCH IVE NEVER KNOWN HOW MUCH IVE WANTED THIS

Wenceslaus why are you sad please don’t be sad

....are... is he asking... are they???

YES THEY ARE PARENTS THEY ARE GOING TO BE SO GOOD AT PARENTING

Gosh I’m loving the Darling Redemption Arc

We’re still having a wedding musical number right?

I’m not hating the Fairy Queen’s logic...

Wow what a mood

I’m so glad they’re explaining what actually happened because I was so confused

IT HAS BEEN ONLY TWO DAYS? IT FEELS LIKE A LIFETIME

WAIT WHERE’S THE WEDDING WE’RE STILL GOING TO HEAR THE WEDDING RIGHT???

OH MY GOSH I WAS SO SCARED IT WAS GOING TO END WITHOUT A WEDDING

Is Chamberlain breaking the fourth wall?

Aw man I kinda wanted to hear their vows

THE NEED TO MICROMANAGE 😂

WAIT IS CHAMBERLAIN QUOTING THE END OF SEASON ONE?

...I feel so dumb, I just realized his name isn’t actually Chamberlain

OH THEY’RE HUSBANDS THIS IS WONDERFUL

...you can’t wait for WHAT excuse me this is a kids podcast

Oh that was absolutely beautiful

YES ONE MORE SONG

If my future SO doesn’t say their story starts with me, they aren’t worth it

OH THE BEAUTIFUL HARMONIES THEIR VOICES FIT SO WELL TOGETHER

I love how you can tell they just kissed even though they don’t directly say it

Oh wow happy chills everywhere

I’m going to miss this podcast so much

[ren1327]

Sweater Weather ch.3

Emerald Isle was covered in moss and rocks where they docked, the rocks and sand giving way to grassy hills and a dense forest of pine trees and shrubs where the side of a large house peeked out from behind them.

Owen took their bags after he had tied off the boat, Kenji leading Ben up some wooden stairs and on a brick path through the trees.

“Wow.” Ben said. “It smells amazing out here.”

“Smells amazing?” Kenji asked, glancing at Ben.

“Well, I…I haven’t been around real pine. It’s either been a candle or something already dying slowly for the sake of a holiday.” Ben said, shrugging at the end.

“Oh…I never thought of it like that…not a lot of traditional pine trees in Cali.” Kenji said. “You probably haven’t even seen snow.”

“No. And the funny thing is, my parents are, well, were, Seattle natives. I’ve lived in Texas and California my whole life. I’ve always wanted to come here. We planned to when my mom got better but…”

Ben’s smile fell and he looked at the trees in pain, closing his eyes for a moment. Kenji looked around to see Owen making his way up the path towards them. He grabbed Ben’s hand and led him along.

“Uh…M-My Dad likes the trees and we even have an orchard in the back. I think we have apples, peaches, almonds and a pomegranate tree in the green house.” Kenji said. “In summer, I bring back so much fruit from here.”

“That actually sounds great.” Ben said with a smile. “Smoothies galore.”

“Mom loves her trees and uses them for teas and jams, so…indulge her for me?” He asked. “She hasn’t really…nailed the flavor…”

Ben chuckled and hugged his arm as Owen got closer.

“Got it, Honey.” Ben said and Kenji nearly tripped.

“On your left, Lovebirds!” Owen called and walked past them with their bags.

“W-What?” Kenji asked once Owen was out of earshot. “Why did you…what was that?”

“A pet name?” Ben asked, raising a brow. “What would you call me?”

“Ben…ny?”

“No. Something else.” Ben said quickly.

“Babe?”

“That’ll do.” He said.

They continued to walk up the path, then stopped, Kenji noticing Ben staring at the house as they came up to it.

It looked like a Californian lake house; wooden with large glass windows and a balcony with a sturdy awning, a fire pit on the second floor awning, wooden steps leading down to another area where there was sand going into the dark blue water, a huge porch and yard and so many trees around it, as if hidden.

“Is that a lighthouse?!” Ben yelled when he looked up the hill.

“Yeah. Just in case.” Kenji said and Ben looked up at the regal looking stone structure.

“C…Can we go up it?”

“Yeah, sure. We can explore tomorrow though. Parents and sister.” He reminded Ben, who nodded, but let his eyes linger on the lighthouse a few seconds longer.

Kenji led Ben to the porch and knocked on the door despite Owen walking in a few seconds earlier.

A short, plump Mexican woman opened the door and cried out excitedly, scooping Kenji into her arms and despite being a full foot shorter than him, lifted him up and spun around.

“Mom!” He squawked and blushed. “Not in front of Ben!”

She dropped Kenji, who staggered before standing straight. He cleared his throat.

“Mom. This is Ben. Ben, this is my mother, Candela Kon.”

“Oh, baby, you can call me Candy!” She said and hugged Ben in her soft warm arms, Ben getting a whiff of cocoa butter and vanilla.

Candy, indeed.

She had the same golden skin and dark hair Kenji had. But hers was curly and in lose spirals that was tied back into a high ponytail with a white velvet scrunchy. She wore a thick red tunic over brown yoga pants and furred boot slippers. She had on tinted lip balm Ben often used on interviews and…

“It’s great to finally meet you!” Ben said, smiling brightly when she put him down.

“Oh? Has Kenji told you anything about me?”

“He may have mentioned gardening and teas.” Ben said. “Of which I am eager to see and taste.”

Candy giggled and elbowed Kenji. “You got yourself a keeper, Mijo.”

Kenji let out a huff but smiled regardless.

“Your Father is on a call right now, but I know someone in the sunroom who would be sooooo excited to see you!”

Kenji grinned and sped past her.

“Son?” She called.

“Yeah?”

“Your boyfriend?” She asked.

Kenji sped back and took Ben’s hand. “Right, sorry Babe.”

“It’s Carmen, I get it.” Ben said dismissively, noting how Candy beamed at Ben’s reaction.

“Aw, you’re still a doting brother!” Candy teased.

“I think it’s cute.” Ben said and Kenji smiled at him.

“Ready to meet the most important lady in my life excluding my mother?”

“Good save.” Ben teased and Kenji chuckled, leading him past a large sitting area with a plush red sofa set and armchairs around a curved tv and sound system mounted on the wall and a fireplace to the left, burning away fragrant wood.

They walked down a wide hallway, the walls decorated with family pictures and photos of the ocean and various sights around the island and Seattle itself.

“You guys really like Seattle.” Ben said.

“It might be a little farther, but Dad has an office building there and a condo where Mom and Carmen chill during summer weekends. We used to live in Cali, but after I left, I guess they relocated to Washington for good. Especially after the bullying…”

“It’s amazing. What parents will do for their children.” Ben said softly.

Kenji paused outside a door and closed his eyes before sighing. “Yeah. It is.”

He opened a white door with a large glass panel with a soft gauzy white curtain with reflective green sequins stitched in them in patterns that looked like ivy or vines on the inside. The walls of the room were a light minty green with metal work on the walls of sunflowers, daisies and chrysanthemums. Two walls had large windows that opened inwards to let in the cold air, another fireplace sheltered from the breeze and with a low back black cushioned wide bench with thick legs looked to be made from bleached driftwood before it. Most of the furniture looked to be made from sturdy carved driftwood, pale gray cushions and blankets on it, along with a basket piled high with furry or fleece throws and a few bookshelf cabinets with thick glass sheltering the treasures inside.

But before the fireplace on the wide bedlike bench, with green led light cat eared headphones over her head and staring at her switch as she played what Ben noticed was Stardew Valley, was Kenji’s treasure.

She was also plump and short like her mother, with her big brown lashed eyes and full lips. Her skin was very pale and her waist length black hair pin straight. Her hair was dyed green about five inches from her scalp and in two high pigtails. And her lips were chapped from how she was biting them.

She wore blue jean capris despite the cold weather, a black t-shirt and red and pink socks with a pink cartoon lion and a thick looking sword on them. She laid on her stomach and Ben saw her phone was on a podcast; episode 68 of King Falls Am, so she couldn’t hear Kenji go behind her.

Kenji poked the small of her back, causing her to scream and pull her switch to her chest, kicking out as she rolled over.

“If I die in the mines, I’m so gonna…Ji?” She looked down at her game to pause it and place on the back of the bench as she jumped up and ran around to hug her older brother.

“You did come!” She squealed.

“I did!” Kenji yelled back happily. “I missed you so much!”

“Dad said you would be coming, and I was so excited because I thought you were still in India. How was it? Did you eat a lot of spicy food? Did you pet an elephant?”

“Uh, I kinda just bummed around a camp, kiddo.” Kenji said. “I was…I wasn’t in a really good headspace…”

“Oh. I get it.” She said softly and rubbed her arm, then noticed Ben.

“Hi, Carmen.” Ben said nervously.

“Hi?” She asked.

“Oh, Carmen, this is Ben. He’s my…my boyfriend.” Kenji said.

Carmen looked from Ben to Kenji and back.

“Oh, no, he’s way too good looking for you.” She said, shaking her head.

“Hey!” Kenji yelled.

Ben watched them bicker for a bit and smiled as Kenji pulled his sister close and started giving the smaller Kon sibling a noogie. He reached into his book bag and quickly plucked a receipt out of a bag, holding it out to them.

“Kenji?” He called and they both paused, Kenji grinning when he saw the black bag.

“We found something you might like.” Kenji said and took the bag, giving it to Carmen.

She reached in and pulled out a small Miles Morales plush gasping and hugging it to her chest.

“Oh, my gosh! I love him! How did you know?”

“It was mostly Ben.” Kenji said. “He made me watch the movie and I saw your snapchat posts and we saw it, so…”

She hugged Kenji, then Ben. “Thank you guys so much! I’ve asked Owen to keep an eye out and I’d pay him back, but he never understands what I mean!”

She smiled and hugged the plush again.

“Kenji, get in here!” She said, picking up her phone to take a picture with him. “Ben, you too!”

Ben awkwardly stood next to Kenji, who threw an arm around his waist as Carmen held up the plush and snapped a picture, Ben happy he smiled at the last second, not looking too awkward.

“Um…can I post that Ben’s your boyfriend?” Carmen asked, lowering her phone to look at her brother. “She…She kinda follows me still.”

“Yeah.” Kenji said. “Go ahead.”

“Ben?” She looked at him.

“I’m out and good. Go ahead.” He said, waving his hand.

“Okay. Annnnnd…post!” She said and smiled at the picture. Her smile fell and she touched under her chin.

“Carmen?” Ben asked.

“Oh!” She blinked and smiled. “So um…was the flight alright?”

“Yeah. Hey…” Kenji hugged her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I am. I promise. I start my new school after break so, that’s fun.” She said.

“New schools are fun.” Ben said. “I had to start a new school too.”

“Oh. Why?” Carmen asked.

“…I was bullied. Really bad. Like, I could’ve died from an asthma attack bad.”

“What?” Carmen squawked.

“I was left outside overnight with my hands tied. I couldn’t get to my inhaler while I was panicking.” Ben said, looking at the floor. “No one really knew I had asthma. Inhalers cost like…six hundred dollars. And my bullies…I was scared they would take it or use it as ammunition.”

Carmen hugged Ben tight.

“You’re okay, right?” She asked, voice wobbly. “Like…now?”

“Yeah. My mom moved us to San Antonio where I met the coolest people and even moved to California with them. They’re going to move back again, so…I guess I’ll just find my own way from there.”

“You could move in with Kenji!” She said. “Since you’re boyfriends and all!”

“Uh, I think he wants to go back to Texas though, kiddo. That’s where he wants to set up shop.” Kenji said awkwardly.

“Long distance sucks!” Carmen huffed. “And besides! You can move into our old neighborhood when I was a baby!”

She turned to Ben. “We moved to Cali when I was like, six. And now…”

“Washington is really pretty.” Ben said with a tilt of his head.

“And I get to have so many cute raincoats and boots!” She said excitedly.

“Carmen hates the sun.” Kenji said.

“If you live in Texas, we can visit you as much as we want with Daddy’s plane!” She said. “And then you guys can come see us when summer gets too unbearable.”

Ben smiled.

“Any excuse to see you, Carmen.” He said. “You’re really cool for a high schooler.”

She blushed and smiled. “Thanks. I um…thanks.”

There was a knock on the doorframe and Ben felt his face heat when he saw the man.

“Hello.” He said, looking at Ben. “We have yet to meet. I am Kenji’s father, Kosei.”

He held out a hand and when Ben shook it, in engulfed his own smaller one in a warm, strong grip.

The man looked just like Kenji, save lighter hair with streaks of gray and a close trimmed beard. Ben would say he looked like a neater version of his favorite Overwatch character.

“Ben Pincus.” He said softly.

Kosei made a puzzled face. “Pincus? I feel like I know that name.”

Ben shrugged a bit, noting how the man had released his hand.

“Welcome to our home, Ben.” He said and smiled warmly, Ben blushing harder.

Kenji blinked. And paled when he saw how pink Ben’s blush was.

‘…left overnight with my hands tied…’

He remembered something he had long buried away.

“Fuck.” He said out loud.

[stereogeekspodcast]

[Transcript] Season 2, Episode 3. Best Picture Nominations - Academy Awards 2021

It's awards season in Hollywood! In the first of our two-part series on the Academy Awards 2021, the Stereo Geeks team review the Best Picture nominations, make some predictions, and share some harsh truths about which films don't deserve their nominations. Do you agree with our picks?

Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels

Listen to the episode on Anchor.

[Continuum by Audionautix plays]

Ron: Welcome to a new Stereo Geeks Special! This week, we’re previewing the Academy Awards 2021. I’m Ron.

Mon: And I’m Mon.

Ron: Let's jump into it. Best Picture. And the nominees are The Father. Judah and the Black Messiah. Mank. Minari. Nomadland. Promising Young Woman. Sound of Metal. The Trial of the Chicago Seven. That's quite an interesting list. Mon: It's probably the most diverse and varied that we've had at the Oscars in a while. One could argue that it's probably down to the fact that in 2020, a lot of films weren't able to be released, they weren't produced, and it's given us a different flavor. But I don't know how to feel about it. Ron: I feel like some of the films on this list don't belong here. I know that sounds harsh, but the quality is so varied. Mon: I agree. Ron: And that's kind of how I'm feeling about all the nominees this year. I can't understand what the criteria was for the nominees. Mon: I think it's based on who campaigned the hardest. But at least it's not as bad as the Golden Globes. That was a shocker.

Ron: Let's not even talk about that. You can definitely see that it's much more diverse, on the Oscars side, at least in terms of race, I guess. We still have very few female directors and writers and producers. The ratio is extremely unbalanced, but some how it's better this year than it was in previous years, so I guess we should be happy?

Mon: I guess we could say it's baby steps. Though, this is the 93rd Academy Award. So, wow, this is a very old baby. [laughs] But you know what, despite it all, I'm pleased to see that there's such a variety of storytelling, storytelling styles, and the kind of characters and actors who have been recognized this year. I really hope it's not just a case of, oh, we couldn't find anything else because there wasn't as much being put out there, and that we go back to square one next year. I really don't want that to be the case because we now have a taste of just how different it can be. The Academy has been trying, but it hasn't been trying hard enough. And that's very obvious with the Best Picture selections. Why are they there just eight? What happened to Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom? Why isn't that here? Or even One Night in Miami?

Ron: I have such a bone to pick with the Academy, about One Night in Miami because, why is that not here? And I had the same feeling about The White Tiger. I think those two films should have rounded off this category.

Mon: And when you will have the potential to reach ten, why do you keep stopping before that?

Ron: Then why have ten at all? So, we have a lot to say already and it's just the first category.

Mon: And we haven't even talked about the films yet! Ron: Okay, so let's just start off with my pick for this category, Judas and the Black Messiah. I think that's a lot of people’s pick, to be honest. This is a really well-put-together film. It's got tension. It's got these moments which break the tension. It has probably the best performances this year, amazing music, and a message that unfortunately is still resonant in 2021. I think this is the complete package.

Mon: Okay, so I'm not an 11 out of 10 with this movie, as much as you are. I do feel like it had an issue in the middle. And the issue was that we didn't have Daniel Kaluuya on screen.

Ron: Okay.

Mon: And I felt his absence, and I felt like the story felt his absence as well. The first act and the third act? Wonderful. The second act, definitely sagged for me, anyway. So it's probably not as accomplished as I hoped it to be.

Ron: Oh wow, that's not how I felt, at all. Yes, I feel like the second act could have done with more of Fred Hampton’s story, but LaKeith Stanfield’s performance is just so powerful that it had me invested throughout. And I actually kind of felt like there were times when I had to look away from the screen, because the intensity, not from the action, but from the emotion, was so powerful. I just couldn't keep watching it.

Mon: No, I agree with you. LaKeith Stanfield is outstanding and at times I felt like he was even better than Kaluuya, which is saying something because Daniel Kaluuya’s performance is such a scene stealer. But I think, for me, in the middle, after we had these instances of meeting the rest of the Black Panthers, and there are these side characters, especially the one played by Algee Smith, I just felt like we needed more. We needed to build these characters up more because whatever happens to these characters, you definitely feel the impact.

And these are real people, they’re fictionalized versions of these real people. And you definitely feel that tension, the suspense, the fear, the injustice of it all. But had the film structured it so that we could have spent a little bit more time with the side characters more, maybe I wouldn’t have felt Kaluuya’s absence that much in the second part.

It just felt like they were trying to fill that hole with the side characters. Well, those people are just as important, and have just as compelling stories, but we just don't get to see it on screen.

Ron: You know what, that's why we have these conversations because I quite liked the kind of time that we spent with the other characters. I felt like it fleshed out the entire Black Panther movement, what was happening at that time, and it set up the third act for me because we took that time away from Fred Hampton, and we spent it with these people who are kind of struggling without him. They have a mission, they know what they want to do, but they don't have a leader, they’re kind of living off his letters, and it's difficult because you basically don't have a head, the rest of your body's trying to figure out what to do. I thought that that actually worked quite well, and it gave the third act that much more gravitas. But as a whole I think this film was really good. And that's why it's definitely our top pick. That final scene, though?

Mon: Yeah. And the way it's shot? It's not shot in this gratuitous fashion, which you know, most other films, most other directors would have gone down that route. It's so emotionally powerful. And I was listening to the NPR PCHH podcast, and they mentioned that a lot of this story is based off of the recollections of Fred Hampton’s wife, which explains the viewpoint that we see in the last scene.

I'll just point out one more criticism, and it's easier to criticize a film which is very good and which you like a lot, because you will always see the niggling points that could have been better. And I think this, whatever we’re saying about it, is more a testament of how good this movie is, rather than how bad it is. Okay, so this is just my last criticism.

The two actors playing the leads, which is LaKeith Stanfield and Daniel Kaluuya, they are so much older than the characters that they're playing. And I think when you realize just how young these boys were when these events took place, it makes you perceive the actions of these characters in a very different way. A 17-year-old making the decisions that this “Judas” was making is very different from a 29-year-old. And the power of a 21-year-old Fred Hampton, as opposed to the very powerful presence of the 30-odd year-old Daniel Kaluuya, is completely different. So, I wonder how this film would have been perceived had they chosen actors who were age appropriate.

Ron: That's a really good point. I was shocked at the end when the title card came up, and it said Fred Hampton was actually killed when he was 21. Oh my gosh. Like, he managed to accomplish a lot in such a short time. But his nemesis was a child, and very easily manipulated. I understand where you're coming from with that. I think the movie still has a lot of strengths, despite the inaccuracies with the ages. But yeah, I feel like that would have been putting a lot on young actors. I'm sure there are some young actors who could definitely pull this off, but for that length of time, like the entire film really, it's a lot.

Mon: And it's probably not a burden we need to put on young actors.

Ron: Exactly. But yeah, our pick for this category is definitely Judas and the Black Messiah. Now let's talk about the others.

Mon: Okay. Shall we get the stuff that we didn't like out of the way and then talk about what we did?

Ron: Okay. So, let's talk about the Trial of the Chicago Seven, because that kind of happens at the same time as Judas and the Black Messiah.

Mon: In fact, there is a tiny cameo by an actor playing Fred Hampton.

Ron: Exactly. I don't know why this movie is here.

Mon: Yeah, me neither.

Ron: So, that's a good start.

Mon: Let me put it this way, with a story like this, which, again, it is a real, true life story about a very, very difficult time for all the people involved, and you make it into this slick, witty, repartee-fest. It just doesn't work. Because this story, irrespective of how jocular or irreverent the actual events were, there was emotional heft that these people were feeling. This movie is a joke. And it made be very angry to watch this film because it treated events at the superficial level. If I need to replay all those things, then I’ll just read about it. But to be with these characters in the room, in the courtroom, to suffer with them. We needed that emotional impact of what they're doing. We don't get that. We don't get that from the first scene, and it continues in the same way, and it just made me angrier with every scene. Ron: I feel like any movie that, once you watch it, you have to do like a ton of research to understand why or how things are accurate or inaccurate. That's not a good film. It's the same problem that we've had with a lot of blockbusters over the years. If you have to tell us why this scene was included, or what dialogue you didn't include in a Star Wars film or a Marvel film, then you haven't done your job. And this movie, we had to do a ton of research afterwards.

Mon: And there's one thing to be said about the fact that you watch something or you read something and it inspires you to find out more about these incredible people involved in the story. It's a completely different matter that you go in wondering, what is this? Is this actually a joke? Is he making fun of these people? And then you find out the real events, the real stories and how it impacted them, and you come away wondering, so this was a vanity fest? And there it is, nominated for Best Picture, as opposed to so many accomplished stories. I'm a little bit outraged.

Ron: If you compare this to One Night in Miami, which really was fictional, that movie made so many statements about the four people involved, and this movie didn't try to do that at all.

Mon: No, but after the fact, Sorkin kept on saying that he was making a film which was ‘of the time’.

Ron: Of what time?

Mon: Exactly. I think the problem with the fact that Aaron Sorkin created this film comes down to the fact that he has often, in his interviews, blatantly been aware of how ignorant he is, and then doubled down on it. And it seems like this film just continues in the same vein. Yeah, you might chuckle during some of the scenes, but then, where is that impact? Where is that emotion? The performances are so good. They're all good. I mean, even Eddie Redmayne is good, and that’s saying something because he's always Eddie Redmayne. But like, I need to feel something. And he throws in this scene where this person is saying that he's basically putting his life on the line for the cause that he believes in. And I’m like, it just feels like a line, irrespective of what the real person did. That to me is not a good film.

Ron: This felt like a movie.

Mon: [laughs] Yeah.

Ron: Judas and the Black Messiah felt like a story. This felt like a movie. I think one of my biggest problems is I don't like Aaron Sorkin’s writing. I don't like his style. It’s very particularly him. It’s very manufactured. People talking over each other; people bantering all the time. It feels so fake. And it kept taking me out of this movie over and over again. And it brings me back to the same point: what is the criteria for these films to get nominated?

Mon: Films like this getting nominated just to remind you that marketing is very powerful.

Ron: Absolutely. Because there's no way that this is of the quality that some of the other films on this, just this Best Picture list are.

Mon: I agree with you. And the problem is that when I finally got around to watching this film, I had somewhat forgotten who the creator was. And then like a few scenes in I was like, this is Aaron Sorkin isn't it? [laughs] And then I went and checked, and I found it out, and then I was like, you know what, maybe my internal biases are making me hate this film, but it’s not true.

Ron: I didn't know Aaron Sorkin had created this. Mon: Oh?

Ron: And I was watching it and I was like, why is everything so weird? Why does the language of this film feel like a film? And then I saw who created it and I was like, oh, this makes so much sense now. Mon:  And it upsets me because I feel like you can overcome some of your own prejudices, your own style and make something which is really powerful. But this film is not it.

Ron: This is definitely not winning anything, if it wins something, I will riot.

Mon: I really hope it doesn't win anything.

Ron: Okay. So, let's talk about Mank.

Mon: Well, we just talked about Aaron Sorkin, so we're gonna talk about his frequent collaborator, David Fincher.

Ron: Look, I understand that Mank has been a passion project for David Fincher. He has been working on it for years, and I'm very happy that he's managed to make this. Unfortunately, this is not a good film. Even by David Fincher’s standards. I'm not a Fincher fan, I’ll just say it now. Like Aaron Sorkin, Fincher has a very distinct style. Some of the stylistic elements are actually quite engaging.

Mon: I like Fincher’s Zodiac. I enjoyed that film a lot. But a lot of Fincher’s other stuff? No, thank you.

Ron: And I think my biggest problem with Fincher’s work is that he should not have anything to do with female characters. I just can't. I just can't with him.

Mon: It's actually funny that we're talking about these two films back-to-back, because there is a very distinct pattern in both these films which is that you have these waifish, nubile, coquettish women in both films. In Trial of the Chicago Seven, they literally make up a beautiful blonde detective just for the purpose of fiction. Ugh. And she has no characteristics aside from being somebody's love interest. And there's also one secretary who is outstandingly good looking, and I'm like, you can't get a normal looking person? And we have the same issue with Mank. Mank’s assistant is this extremely emaciated looking girl. His wife is this dead looking woman. Then there’s the very young Amanda Seyfried. And Mank is being played by Gary Oldman, who is a very good actor, but this role in this film just does justice to no one.

Ron: What bothered me so much was the difference in the ages of the characters versus the actors playing them. You have Gary Oldman playing Mank at a time when Mank was way younger than Oldman is now. But you have Seyfried, and you have Tuppence Middleton, who is pretty much the same age as Seyfried, playing Mank’s wife. And I'm just like, she looks like his granddaughter. And it's not even accurate to the actual characters! It was just so disorienting. And it took me completely out of the film.

This is again another film that felt like a film. The problem is a Hollywood loves movies about Hollywood, and that's what Mank is. It’s literally about the screenwriting process. So, I can see why people will love it. I just found that for me, the things that didn't work in this film, outweighed the very few things that did.

Mon: I struggled from the very start with the fact that it's in black and white. It echoes a lot of the cinematic techniques that Orson Welles used when creating Citizen Kane. At the same time, there is this polished veneer over the film that just doesn't work. There are ways to fuzzy it up a little bit with filters, or whatever. There are technical ways to do it, which makes it feel ‘of the time’. I really struggled with feeling any sense of place with this film. As you said, it felt like a film. It felt like an homage to filmmaking and screenwriting, but it fell flat on both, because we don't like any of these characters.

And this weird obsession with creating these fast-talking, beautiful women, who are there just to be observed and admired, but they don't have any personality. It was old when it started, it is supremely old in 2021.

Ron: I think this has been my problem with Fincher’s female characters for a very long time. They literally only exist for the male characters’ plotlines. They don't have any inner life, and I just don't understand how they keep making films like this over and over again, and they keep getting recognition. How's that possible? I feel like Mank has a chance, but it'll be silly.

Mon: I feel like it will be disappointing if Mank wins, but at the same time, it’s probably the frontrunner simply because the Academy loves film about films.

Ron: So, let's move on to The Father. Why is this movie on this list?

Mon: Because it's cinematically brilliant.

Ron: So, this is yet another film on this list that feels like a film. The problem is The Father was based on a play. And this film feels very much like a film that's based on a play. Throughout the entire runtime I was like, this was a play, wasn't it?

Mon: I loved The Father, up until the last scene.

Ron: Interesting.

Mon: I loved how slick the cinematic techniques were. My problem is that the subject matter deserves far more heft, and a lot more nuance than direction like this can give it. And I was on board, I was seriously on board with this film for its entire runtime, until that last scene happened where I felt like Anthony Hopkins was really trying hard for that Oscar. I think that last scene was so melodramatic. It felt completely out of place from everything else that had happened before. We are not going to spoil what the subject matter is. But the way it plays out; it's suspenseful, it's tense, and it's a novel way of handling the subject matter. But again, there's no emotional core. And that's what disappointed me. Because the emotional core is brought in literally at the end. And that's when it fell flat. But I didn't hate it as much as you did, that's for sure. Ron: I’m really intrigued by this because I didn't like this movie at all.

Mon: Wow, really.

Ron: I liked what it was trying to do. I hated the slickness. Like you said, it didn't fit with the subject matter. It’s just that it took me out of it so completely, that it made me dislike the movie intensely. I was like, this is just the wrong treatment for this film. It's so bad. And it's so disrespectful. You're trying to tell people about something that is horrifying. That is something that people are living with, that people will be living with. It made me feel very angry.

Mon: And I'm completely on board with what you're saying, and I completely agree with you. I'm actually in two minds about it because as much as I hate the subject matter that they use to make this very slick film, I can't get over how brilliantly, cinematically technical it is.

Ron: Okay.

Mon: And that's probably what the Academy is seeing, which is why this film, of all films, is one of the nominations in the Best Picture category.

Ron: Wow, that's… I'm really surprised that we’ve had such different interpretations of this. I was kind of hoping that it would be a horror film, because it's treated that way. It kind of works as a horror film, but I just feel like it doesn't do justice to this extremely important, difficult topic. And I don't think it's correct. We'll come back to the performances later when we do talk about those. But I'm surprised that we had such different interpretations but it's interesting that we do.

Mon: No, I agree with you, but I can definitely see it from the Academy's point of view.

Ron: Okay.

Mon: But I'm worried that this film will win.

Ron: Oh no.

Mon: Because, you know what that does, right? It’ll just set a precedent and suddenly we'll see a spate of these with diminishing returns, and even less respect for subject matter. Well, let's see.

Ron: Yeah. Mon: Okay, so the biggest surprise for me is definitely Sound of Metal. Because I don't think a film like this in any other year would have got a shoo-in. Even for like, performance-wise, it may have been ignored in another year, but the film getting a Best Picture nom? Surprised. Supremely surprised. But very, very happy.

Ron: Me too. I have been hearing about this film for so long, and I was really surprised that the Academy actually looked at something that was kind of small, and said, yep, this deserves it.

Mon: What I like about Sound of Metal is that it's bold in its take on a subject matter which has been done to death in Hollywood, but it's done in a very respectful way. Which is funny because we just talked about The Father which is disrespectful to its subject matter. But here with Sound of Metal, I feel like it's the complete opposite. And I feel like it's been a long time coming.

So, the film was shot chronologically, and you can tell how that impacts the actual film and the characters, because you see an evolution of how they meet, and how they end up, and I really like that. It's hard to talk about this one because I think we all know the subject matter. But it's such a small contained personal story. It's a real surprise that it’s not doing anything huge and massive and cinematic. The performances aren't over the top and larger than life. It's just the little things. It's like the natural feeling of this film. And that's what’s got me really excited about it being on the nom’s list. Hopefully setting a precedent for these films which feel like they're of the earth and of the people. I hope we get to see more of them.

Ron: As far as I'm concerned, The Father should have done what Sound of Metal did. Pitting these two against each other, my choice would be Sound of Metal because it is right there with the characters. There's nothing flashy about it. I don't think films like this about people, families, your inner life, they don't need to be flashy. The Father doesn't work because of that. Sound of Metal works because it stays contained. It's one person, his journey, his realizations, his evolution as a person.

All of that through a simple lens, and I mean that not just from the storytelling angle, but from the camera point of view, because there's nothing slick about this film. You don't see that… you know that filter that films have that tell you that it's ‘a film’. No. You feel like you're there, in the middle of that stage, next to him, listening to the drums or you're there in that dining room with all these people, just signing to each other. You're there in the story throughout. And that's what I really, really loved about Sound of Metal.

If it wins, which I don't think it will, but if it does, that will be amazing. Because this is a really quiet, personal and impactful film. There aren’t grand messages here. It's just about people being people. And I think the Academy needs more films like this.

Mon: I also think that one of the boldest moves of this film is really to have this positive message at the end, which, for a story like this, when it comes to Hollywood, doesn't usually end with. And it's not a spoiler to say that's how the film ends. Riz Ahmed himself has been very, very vocal about the message of this film. And I think the whole package, it may not be as polished as The Father, or Mank, but you don't want it to be, because it will take you out of the film, it will take you out of being with this person, with these people. I'm so glad that it's getting this kind of recognition. It may have slipped a lot of people's radars, but now that it's on the noms list, hopefully a lot more people will see it and will open their mind to watching different kinds of film.

Ron: Yeah. Sound of Metal, it really didn't feel like a film. It felt like you were with these characters, and you were just experiencing life. And I think that's basically because the sound editing is probably the best.

Mon: It's phenomenal. I don't think the average viewer will notice a lot of the technical aspects of a lot of films, but it's hard to miss with Sound of Metal, which really utilizes the sounds beautifully throughout the film. And sound itself is a character in the film. Just for that, I think, okay, the technical award, yes, please give it to them. But also, just the use of it could be enough for it to get the Best Picture nod, who knows.

Ron: The thing is that the more I talk about it, the more I want this film to win, because it's just really good.

Mon: And the fact that they cast actors who are from the Deaf community, who do know ASL. The fact that they went out of their way to make sure that their lead actor knows ASL. He's not the only one who is going around talking to people, when everybody around him is Deaf. They really put a lot of thought into making this feel as natural, as real, as possible. And I think that's the beauty of this, it feels real.

Ron: Absolutely.

Mon: And we could go on about some of the nuances that they include, which makes it even more natural, but we'll let you enjoy that.

Ron: Yeah, definitely. This is one of the most immersive films this year, and you should definitely check it out. So, Minari. I’m going to put it out there that I don't think this film will win because Parasite won last year, and oh my god no. The Academy can't do that.

Mon: You have to read two films in a row? [laughs] Considering the amount of controversy surrounding this film, for no reason. Because the Golden Globes decided that it was only a foreign film, even though the majority of it is shot in America, with American actors and producers. I'm glad the Academy put it in Best Picture.

Ron: Because that's where it deserves to be. I mean, what were the Golden Globes thinking? Mon: This is a very American film.

Ron: Yes!

Mon: I understand that they’re talking in a different language, and they’re eating different food, and the characters don't look “American”. But this is an American film. This is the American dream.

Ron: This is exactly what a lot of Americans have lived through. But the thing is that it's about American immigrants and way too many people apparently think that that's not American. Okay, so tirade aside. This is such a beautiful film. Again, like Sound of Metal, I just felt so immersed in it from the moment it began. The thing is that with family films, you don't have to have these huge events. It can be these little moments that keep adding up, and they make you think, okay, my family has their issues, I can get through it, or my family is really great, but these little issues are becoming too much. And Minari, is all about that. It's about this family coming together under very weird circumstances that some of them have got them into.

Mon: And it's really about the four of them, and then the five of them, coping with this unfulfilled, unrequited dream, and trying to fit in. But it doesn't require any of those cliches, any of those tropes, any of those stereotypes to actually take that story forward, to actually make these characters grow and evolve. It’s really heartfelt. It’s really distressing. It's very sad, but again it's very real, because these are the ups and downs of being alive, being human, having a goal, trying to achieve that dream and trying to be supportive of the people in your life who may not be thinking straight.

Ron: What Minari says, really quite beautifully, is that you can want something, you can work towards it, sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. But you can still keep trying to do your best.

Mon: Plans change. There are circumstances out of your own hands which will change how you live life. But despite it all, try and look on the bright side. And I really like this message from this film.

Ron: What I love about the central family is that they give each other chances, but they also know when you can't give any more chances. They have the boundaries, they have the barriers, they allow each other to grow and evolve, make mistakes, and just be real. I think that's what really made me love Minari because it's a very real film.

These are not circumstances that we’d find ourselves in; we're hardly gonna be farmers. But I could still see a lot of our story. And a lot of immigrants are going to see themselves in the family in this movie.

Mon: Anybody who's moved out of their regular circumstances into something completely different, be it moving from the city into the suburbs or moving from the suburbs to the farmland, you are going to understand these characters, you're going to understand just how different it is to cope with a new circumstance. And the feeling of constantly reaching for a dream that is always moving its goalposts, is completely understandable to all, it is a universal feeling. If you're going to let the fact that you have to read most of this film stand in the way of you realizing what a resonant film this is, you're doing it wrong. Give this film a chance.

Ron: Yeah, I think a lot of people have really enjoyed this film. I think the small population who refuse to read films have not seen it, but I don't think this film is made for them anyway. This is just a very well-accomplished experience, and I'm really, really glad that it's getting the recognition it is because I loved it. Again, this is a very quiet film like Sound of Metal. Nothing huge happens. It's just these little moments that you feel as a human being.

Mon: Look, if a film is gonna resonate with you emotionally and it's gonna make you feel happy or sad or makes you cry at the right moments, then it's doing it right.

Ron: And everybody in this film has an important part to play. What I really loved about the way Minari is put together is that it's not too expansive. It's just the five of them; from time to time, we get to see a couple of people here and there, but it’s self-contained the same way Sound of Metal was contained with one character and the circumstances around him. And that's why these films really work because they don't aim for something that they can't reach. That's really accomplished filmmaking in my book. I think Minari has a really good chance of winning. I don't think it will, because people are gonna keep equating it with Parasite, but…

Mon: The two films have nothing in common.

Ron: No.

Mon: Just the fact that you have to read them.

Ron: Actually, what I really felt about Minari was this connection with The Farewell, because they both have grandmums. And I'm a sucker for a great grandmum.

Mon: [laughs]

Ron: And both the films have this feeling, you know, like this grandmom is just so important to everybody's life, and the way they were actually navigating the world. I'm still really angry that The Farewell did not get nominated for anything because it should have won it. It was such a good film. In that sense, I hope, Minari can actually give The Farewell, its day in the sun, because there's a really cute grandmom in it, and it's a really sweet story. And it's very affecting, so yeah, hey, here’s hoping! So talking about wildernesses, Nomadland really takes us out there into the wilderness. I really didn’t know what to expect with this film but, wow, what an experience.

Mon: Nomadland really is an experience. What I like is that this film follows a very favoured category of films, not only beloved by the Academy, but by film viewers in general: a love of Americana. But  Nomadland looks at America from a completely different point of view. And it actually makes me wonder why we haven't seen this before? The circumstances that Frances McDormand’s character finds herself in, in the places that she visits, that she lives in, the people that she meets. This is really part of America and has been for a really long time. But we're only seeing it now.

It's not really a celebration of America, of the people, it's just life. And I really like that because this is one person who's not trying to make waves. She's just trying to get through life, and I love that about this film.

Ron: I totally had an existential crisis watching this movie. I was just like what have I done for my retirement? Because this is what this film is about. We don't get to see movies or stories about people after they reach a certain age, and definitely don't get to see stories about women after they reach a certain age. This movie is exactly about that. It's about people who’ve finished working, who can no longer work within the very corporate structures of our daily lives. How do they continue on?

Especially when, for the main character, everything's gone. Like, literally, the town that she called home is gone. And somehow, she has to keep continuing. It's really disconcerting when you think about the circumstances, but it's also very positive in the sense that she still finds a community, she still finds things to do, she still keeps on keeping on. This is such a great movie.

MonL One of the things you've heard a lot of recently has been found family and how a lot of communities, how a lot of people from different communities engage more and are more fulfilled, from their found families rather than their own families, for a variety of reasons. With Nomadland, and to an extent even with Sound of Metal, it really is that sense of finding your place within a found family, being accepted within a community. In Sound of Metal, the main character has to go out of his comfort zone, and eventually he needs to find himself in a new community.

Same with Nomadland. She had a life, she had a family, she had a town. Now she has none of that. So how does she navigate life? And we see her being so resistant and hesitant about this new journey that she's taking, the people that she's meeting and how different everything is by the end of it. It's this wistful, almost aspirational feeling, but not aspirational in the sense that we want to emulate her life, but aspirational in the sense that she's looking at it from a very positive point of view.

Previously, films that are very much about American landscapes, American wildernesses, there’s a very glamorous lens through which these stories are told. Nomadland is the opposite. This is not glamorous. Because let's be honest, you're living in a van and traveling from place to place, getting seasonal jobs, there’s nothing glamorous about that. But it's a job, you're making money, you're meeting people, some experiences are great, some experiences aren't. Yeah, that sounds more like life. And I really like that this film is trying to celebrate the ‘uncool’.

Ron: That's a really good point. But again, like Sound of Metal, Nomadland also involves people from the actual community that it was about. And I think that really made a difference to how this story feels. Because if everybody was an actor, I don't think we would have got that authenticity. There would have been something artificial about it.

Mon: It's that authenticity that I loved. The way the characters talk, because they’re literally talking about their real lives. It feels like you're watching a documentary, and you're learning about these fascinating people who are so interesting in their own ways, and it's almost a detached way that they're talking about these quite traumatic incidents in their lives, but at the same time, it's a part of their life so they're just telling it as it is. And I think if an actor was doing it, there’d be a lot of drama and melodrama, you’d have to tone it down. And because these people are so natural and authentic as you said, it makes it feel so real.

Ron: This film could have easily devolved into histrionics. You don't get that, even once. It's as quiet as the landscapes that it shows us. Nomadland might actually have a really good shot. Because it's telling a story that is very much American, but slightly different from what we usually see. So, it may just win.

Mon: I hope so.

Ron: I think it has a good chance. So finally, Promising Young Woman.

Mon: I'm shocked. I'm shocked this made it this far, seriously. There was so much controversy around it from like the get go. It aired at Sundance, 2020, and after a bunch of rather positive reviews, there was suddenly a lot of negativity. I don't think I would have watched this film, especially after the discourse, I definitely did not want to watch this. So, I kind of got all the spoilers of this film before I watched it, because my thought was that I'm not going to watch it, so I don't care. And the more I know about it, the better because I'll be informed.

And I think, in a way, I'm still glad that I did spoil it for myself because I don't know if I could have got through the tension without the spoilers. But at the same time, I'm like, oh, you know, past me will be kicking myself.

Ron: You know, I did the same thing. In fact, I read an entire Twitter thread about the ending. So, I knew exactly what to expect. Or at least, that's what I thought when I started watching the movie and then I was like, this is not what I thought it was going to be at all. It's so different from everything that has been said in the reviews. What is happening?

Mon: I'm also surprised because there has been a lot of discourse about that ending and especially about the ending. I think a lot of people were on board with this film till the last act. In a way, I understand. But I also feel like they weren’t watching it properly. In the sense that I feel like a lot of people, with that final act, have imprinted what they thought on to what the director was doing. I guess films are open to interpretation, so it's fine. But it's been sort of tarred and feathered when I don't think the reading is correct.

Ron: Okay so that was my impression as well, because, from everything that I read about the ending, it felt like it ends at a very low point for the people that we care about in this film. And I was like, that's not fair. But it doesn't end there. I actually feel like Promising Young Woman takes the time to give viewers catharsis, when a lot of other films would not have done that. So, I think what's happening is that what people are calling the end of the film is not the end of the film.

Mon: I feel like a lot of people are reading the actions of the character in that final act as premeditated and intended when, in all honesty, she didn't foresee what happened. The final scene is completely different. That's forethought, foreplaning, good on our protagonist for thinking that. But what actually happens, she didn't foresee it, and it's hard to explain without spoiling it so we’re not gonna spoil it for you. But what we want to say is that the hate towards that final act, it seems uncalled for. Because, as you mentioned with Minari, sometimes you have a plan, and that plan goes to hell because of circumstances out of your control. And that's what happens to our main character.

Ron: So, moving on from the ending, because that's the controversial part, let's move to the rest of the film.

Mon: Yeah.

Ron: My gosh, the tension. Too much tension. I was like, whoa, slow down, but you can't slow down. That's what this movie is about.

Mon: It's hard to talk about this film because it's disturbing and distressing from the very first scene, but because it's directed by a woman, it's not gratuitous. It centers our protagonist in a genre which has often sidelined the actual people who are suffering, the actual victims.

Ron: Promising Young Woman makes you realize what a difference the person behind the camera can make. The subject matter of the story? We've seen it before. The way Promising Young Woman has done it. We have not seen this much. There are a lot of really horrid things that happen and we don't see any of it. But a lot of people watching this movie will be like, I know exactly what happened.

Mon: It goes back to why we loved the Birds of Prey movie from last year so much. Because it’s viewed from a completely different lens, it makes you feel differently about it, as well. It isn’t there to titillate or sensationalize something which is a real horror. It’s looking at this subject matter from the perspective of somebody who's suffering a loss, but it centers that loss, it centers the horror, without actually showing it. And I really appreciate the fact that a), we have this film, and b) it’s up for a Best Picture nom.

Ron: Totally. I was not sure what to expect when I went into this film because of everything that I had read about it and still this film managed to surprise me every single step of the way. Even the ending scene that I knew was going to happen, even that I was like, oh, whoa, is this really happening? And it's a really well-made film.

We keep talking about the slickness of films like The Father and The Trial of the Chicago Seven and Mank. And this film doesn't have that kind of slickness, but it's still so, so polished. It feels like a suspenseful narrative, and it was shot in 23 days! I honestly don't know how they managed to pack in that much story in less than a month. But it is so well done.

Mon: I completely agree with you. It's got this vibe of being colorful and peppy. She works in a cute little coffee shop which is so vibrant, and her manager, played by Laverne Cox, is the most amazing side character ever. She's such a sweetheart! And the main character’s parents are against type? But also, they are just so concerned and involved, and they’re so earnest in their wish for their daughter to have the best life that once was headed towards.

But the darkness that this film has is completely understandable because the main character is facing an injustice, an injustice that she can't correct, so she's going about it in the only way that she can. It's a revenge flick, but it's a very realistic kind of revenge flick, which is weird to me. Which is weird because we watched it, but also that it is getting some recognition.

I will say that this film may not be for everyone. And it's completely understandable if that final act really does disturb you. That it does anger you. You are not wrong in that feeling. I think, go into that third act with an open mind. Don't let the biases of the discourse that you read or come across change how you perceive what is happening. I would not have given this film a shot had it not been nominated for the Oscar noms. Really I was like, I will let it slide. I don't care. But I would have missed out.

Ron: I felt like I needed some fortitude to actually watch this film. And you definitely need that because the tension is ratched up to 20, but not for the reasons that you think it should. I definitely feel like if there was a male director and a male writer, this movie would have been a really, really awful experience, but it wasn't. We had women behind the screen, women on the screen. And that's why this film, for me, really worked.

Mon: It's definitely not going to win. [laughs]

Ron: It's a very accomplishment film, though.

Mon: Yeah, this film is cohesive in a way that Trail of Chicago Seven and Mank feel like they are, but they're not, because they've tried too many things at the same time. This one is very, very clear in its subject matter and in its central story and it goes with it. This is a story first and a film second.

Ron: So yeah, those are the Best Picture nominations. Our pick is Judas and the black Messiah. We have made it very clear which ones we don't want. But let's see who wins. So, who do you think should win Best Picture at the Academy Awards 2021? Let us know. We'd love to hear from you.

You can find us on Twitter @Stereo_Geeks. Or send us an email stereogeekspodcast@gmail.com. We hope you enjoyed this episode. And see you next week!

Mon: The Stereo Geeks logo was created using Canva. The music for our podcast comes courtesy Audionautix.

[Continuum by Audionautix plays]

Transcription by Otter.ai, Ron, and Mon.

[hellsholygroundarchiv3d]

SALEM’S FOLLOW FOREVER! (✿ ♥‿♥)

first of all i just want to thank all of you for being here. even though i know i don’t talk to everyone just know that if we are mutuals that i appreciate you and probably stalk your threads and what not. lfgfdgdg i wanted to make this since i hit 300 and i can’t believe that! it’s insane! you are all talented and swell people and i’m so happy to call you guys friends....even if we don’t talk. 

some top tier pals. 

@facemypast / @justicetempered --- oh gosh where do i start. we’ve known each other for so long and you are one of the sweetest people i’ve met on this hellsite we call tumblr. you’re always soooo fun to plot/talk with and bucky/dom makes me so happy! idk what i’d do without you here to send me pics of your cat and chat with me about stuff. thank you for being a real pal. 

@crueldesire --- you little shit i love you. we’ve been shipping for so long royce/dom feel like an old married couple and i love it. you are a wonderful writer and funny as hell. you are always so involved with what we write and i care about you a lot. please know you are loved and idk what dom would do without royce annoying him c’: 

@tcnystcrrk --- wHAT CAN I EVEN SAY TIFF. i mean. for starters, dom and tony are *chef’s kiss* but also i mean you....wow. you’re so sweet. i’m so so glad we’ve grown as close as we have, hell we have a fucking podcast together and talk every day. you are often time the only person i talk to all day so i seriously appreciate you and your company. idk what dom would do without tony. i just. i love you and tony so much *sends hugs*

@zondevol --- wow. skylar is...seriously such an interesting character. your writing, how you play him. from what you’ve told me i can tell you’ve put so much thought and effort into him and i respect that so much! you are truly a gem!

@jedishope --- SHANE! oh gosh. you are so talented and creative? so kind? i could go on about you all day but just know i appreciate you sooooo much and your writing always blows me away. your oc’s, what you do with canons it’s insane. just....i love you and i hope you’re doing well! 

@yemaenja / @oseunas​ --- lilli you are seriously amazing. stunning. talented. wow. i’m so honored to have an RP partner like you. your writing and aesthetics are always on point and you’ve always been such a kind soul here on tumblr. i just have nothing but love for you. 

@shieldedsouls --- YOU ARE SO PURE AND KIND! bucky/dom and mia/angie honestly make me so fucking happy and AHHHHHH you have always been a pillar here and i just enjoy you and your writing so much. 

@dcgausscr --- AHHHH. hi. listen. tris and dom are one of the oldest ships i have and honestly i can’t believe how much dom loves him. it’s crazy! you are a phenomenal writer and an amazing person all around. i’m so lucky to have gotten to know you and write with you! 

@penniesfortheferryman / @deliciousfear --- wow. i feel like we’ve known each other for so long. it’s crazy. but all your blogs are always so good, well thought out and gosh. i can’t say enough nice things about you and i’m glad even now we still continue to write together. T^T

@shelcved --- dom and lara jean. enough said. LOL no, but wow aren’t they the cutest? and dear god what would dom be without her? i love you so much nyx. you’ve always been such a kind soul just like lara and you are really inspiring. i love you dude.

@localmagicalboi --- omg. vi is literally so cool. really too cool for anyone on this hellsite. certainly too cool for dom. lfgdflgkfd;lg you are one of the funniest people i’ve had the pleasure of talking to. i know we haven’t rp’d a whole lot but what we have has always been gold. i adore vi so much and so does dom as well as dakota. haha. love you!

@zagubionywilk --- i love all your blogs so much?!?!!?!? you put so much time and effort into everything and it shows! i’m honored that you follow me and i just think you are super swell and amazing!

@lvckyflannel --- you are always so kind to me!!!!! i love your blog so much and ahhhh! one of my long time mutuals who i adore. 

@filthyblade --- god i love frank. i love that he annoys dom so much and i just....wow. you are amazing and always so kind and sweet. thank you for being a light on this hellsite we call the RPC. i enjoy you very much on my dash! 

other cool pals ( that i probably lowkey stalk or am too nervous to talk to ). 

@siilverbulleted // @monstriiss // @waketothefire // @wickxdwxtch, @wickedpraycrs // @historysung // @donttakethishome // @heroicsurvivor // @mvnces // @gcldenhexrted // @hedraqon // @hrodohaide // @huntershowl // @felinewiles // @thatchergreene // @thundaddy // @angerbuilt // @diiavola // @scythecaress // @batnotsilver // @battlesthatmatter // @starkbirthed // @strigct // @sviker // @airherc // @diviniamysteria // @savitrheiress // @blccmngs // @kidfrombrccklyn // @starfallentm // @legendmade // @sovietspookstory // @sinceiwasfour // @touchfelt // @epheemere // @egotisticle // @yukitscne // @samaelnomcre // @kxllerblond // @fuckingvictus // @warringpeace // @itsybitsyparker // @bheithann // @onemanbcnd // @dragonkingtm // @shimmerseas // @metal-armed-man // @pumpcursed // @grcndeurs // @graveiary 

[heartofether]

Episode 12 - Bicycle TRANSCRIPT

[You can listen to the show wherever you get your podcasts, or go to our “Listen” page if you’re on desktop.]

AUTOMATED VOICE

[GROWING SLOWER THROUGHOUT] Please state your message.

[THEME MUSIC AND INTRODUCTION PLAYS.]

VAL

Three-Eyed Frog Presents: The Heart of Ether.

[THEME CONTINUES BEFORE COMING TO A STOP.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. THE OPEN EYES BOOKSTORE, UPSTAIRS.]

[PHOEBE AND HOLLY ARE HEARD GOING UP THE STAIRS TO THE APARTMENT.]

PHOEBE

[RUSHED] I’m so sorry I called you on such short notice, it’s just—oh, I have a bird by the way, her name is Michelle, I’m sorry I forgot to tell you, but I, anyways—it’s just that it all happened really fast, and I just need to talk about—

[AS SHE TALKS, PHOEBE IS HEARD OPENING THE DOOR TO THE APARTMENT AND CLOSING IT BEHIND HER AND HOLLY AS THEY WALK INSIDE. IN THE APARTMENT, THE OCCASIONAL CHIRPING OF MICHELLE IS HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.]

HOLLY

[OVERLAPPING] Dude, it’s chill. Really. 

Oh, and uh, I got you something. It’s from that super pretentious place around the block. I know you don’t like coffee, but I hope matcha is okay?

PHOEBE

…oh! Oh, my gosh! I didn’t even realize you were carrying anything, um—thank you! Wow. Thank you so much, er—matcha’s great! Wait, how much was it, I can—

HOLLY

[SHE LAUGHS.] No need to pay me back. It’s a gift. 

PHOEBE

[A BEAT, THEN, SINCERE] Thank you.

HOLLY

No problem, I’ll just set it on the table here—?

PHOEBE

That works, yeah.

HOLLY

Cool.

[HOLLY IS HEARD WALKING TO THE TABLE AND SETTING THE CUP DOWN.]

HOLLY

…so, is your friend okay?

PHOEBE

...what?

HOLLY

The one you said got attacked.

[A BRIEF PAUSE.]

PHOEBE

Oh, right. Sorry, sorry, I er uh, heh, got distracted. But yes, they’re okay. 

HOLLY

[SHE CHUCKLES.] I gotta hand it to ‘em. Of all the things I expected to hear about when you called me, sentient mold was not on the list.

PHOEBE

I’m still not sure how it works, honestly. I’ve been trying to go through Grandma Doe’s notes, see if she had anything about the mold. At the very least, Valencia knew about it, because he had big jugs of lemonade saved in case of an attack—which I didn’t even know lemonade lasted that long.

HOLLY

He must have had some way of preserving it. Maybe more spooky weirdness?

PHOEBE

[SHE GIGGLES.] I doubt it. I mean, I suppose the lemonade doesn’t have to be safe for human consumption, so long as it works on the mold.

HOLLY

[UNSEEN NOD] Mm, sure.

PHOEBE

I still haven’t found much about the mold itself, though. I’ll have to keep looking.

HOLLY

Gotcha.

So, shouldn’t we be down in the backroom looking? ‘Cause you brought me up to the apartment—

PHOEBE

There’s a reason for that.

HOLLY

…oh?

PHOEBE

Er, can we, sit down?

HOLLY

Oh, yeah.

[THEY ARE HEARD PULLING THE CHAIRS OUT AND SITTING DOWN AT THE TABLE.]

PHOEBE

[NERVOUSLY RAMBLING] Look, I, I don’t know what’s going on. All this stuff, what, with my grandma’s research, whatever Valencia was doing—I mean, he has even more research apparently, which, wow.

And I’ve been really stressed about it, what with all my already existing shop worries, now I’m facing this unknown, inhuman power without any—

HOLLY

[OVERLAPPING, COMFORTING] Hey, I understand. That shit out there? It’s pretty terrifying. You’re allowed to be worried about it.

[THERE’S A PAUSE.]

PHOEBE

Why do you care?

HOLLY

What?

PHOEBE

[GUILTY] …oh, gosh, I’m so sorry, that was so rude of me, I mean, uh—about all of this. You said you were looking for, like, monsters or something, when you came in. Why do you care so much about helping me? I mean, evidently, it’s really dangerous. Seriously, someone I know was nearly killed today. So, why are you so, um, I guess, invested?

[A BEAT.] If you don’t mind answering, that is. I know that might be, er, kinda personal. Sorry.

[A LONG PAUSE.]

HOLLY

Did you know that owls are my favorite animal? That’s why I was so enthralled by that wicked statue your grandmother put out in the shop. They’ve been my favorite for a few years. And you wanna know why that is?

It’s because they’re so, I don’t know, calculated. They’re silent killers. Widely respected. People associate them with wisdom, and mystery, but there’s also a hunger there. A need to survive, and they know damn well how to do it. It’s not even uncommon for them to eat other owls.

PHOEBE

Um, I—

HOLLY

[SHE LAUGHS.] Sorry, I just, owls are super fuckin’ cool. I promise I’m going somewhere with this. Hang tight.

PHOEBE

[SHE GIGGLES.] Okay.

HOLLY

So, owls. They’re calculated, but they’ve got, like, a fierce hunger in their eyes. 

And I…I’ve got a hunger. I mean, I’m not eating owls, obviously, no, it’s a metaphorical hunger. A need to…to act. To protect. I used to be so good at standing by silently, watching, unnoticed, but unlike the owl, who hunts, I never did anything. I was frozen in place.

[SOFTER, SHAKILY] And then, when I needed to protect someone, I failed. I watched silently, but I never struck. I walked away…empty-handed.

[SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH.] I’m not doing that again. If people are in danger, and there’s any way I can help, I’m going to step in. Whatever I can do.

[ANOTHER LONG PAUSE.]

PHOEBE

I’m sorry, Holly.

HOLLY

[SHE LAUGHS IT OFF] Don’t worry about it. It’s all in the past. Just, I want to make sure nobody suffers at the hands of whatever monstrous forces we’re dealing with. 

PHOEBE

That’s really admirable.

HOLLY

Thanks.

[FLATTERING] I mean, I’m no braver than you. You’re kinda diving head-first into all of this. That’s badass.

PHOEBE

[FLUSTERED] Oh, um, thank you! Heh.

[MUTTERS]  I mean, I didn’t really have a choice, it was this or burn the shop down…

HOLLY

What?

PHOEBE

D—Don’t worry about it! Um, sorry. Thank you again.

HOLLY

Of course.

[SOFTLY, SINCERE] You’re really special. You know? You and this shop.

PHOEBE

[A BEAT, THEN, SOFTLY] You seem so certain about that.

HOLLY

I am.

PHOEBE

[REALIZATION] Oh.

[LONG, GAY PAUSE.]

PHOEBE

[SHE CLEARS HER THROAT.] Sorry, sorry, um…There is one way you can help. Not just, um, you know, carrying boxes. It’s a big thing, um, and also why I brought you up here.

HOLLY

Oh, alright.

PHOEBE

I said my grandmother didn’t leave any guide behind to help me? Well, I lied.

[A BEAT, THEN, RUSHING TO REASSURANCE] I promise that’s the only lie I told you, though, and I had a good reason for it.

She…she left a box. Full of super secret letters. You’re the only person I’ve told. Irene doesn’t know anything about it.

HOLLY

I mean, you don’t have to tell me about anything you’re not comfortable sharing, Phoebe—

PHOEBE

[OVERLAPPING] I need help with something, and I don’t know how you’re gonna feel about it because I don’t know how I feel about it yet.

HOLLY

[WARY] …I said I’d do anything to help. Whatever it is.

PHOEBE

Do you promise? To keep it a secret and not, um, freak out, I guess?

HOLLY

[A BEAT.] Cross my heart.

PHOEBE

Okay. Okay! I actually don’t think I should record this next bit, so I’m gonna turn it off, but in order to actually read the research, I have to—

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[ANOTHER PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. CAROL’S APARTMENT, NIGHT.]

[THERE IS THE CREAKING OF A PULLOUT MATTRESS.]

CAROL

Hope it’s not too uncomfortable for ya’.

IRENE

Honestly? I’m just glad to have a place to sleep. Thank you.

CAROL

Not a problem, Irene. You’re always welcome here.

[THERE IS A LONG PAUSE. IRENE IS HEARD ADJUSTING HER BLANKET BRIEFLY.]

CAROL

Right. Well, I’m guessing you have questions, and it’s been a hell of a day. If you’ve got ‘em, now is the best time to ask.

IRENE

[SHE THINKS FOR A MOMENT.] What was that?

CAROL

[A SHARP INTAKE OF BREATH.] I wish I had a good enough answer for you, Irene. We’ve just been calling it the mold. Well, those I’ve talked to about it, that is.

IRENE

So, you don’t exactly know what it is, but you’ve heard of it.

CAROL

More than that, I’ve seen it myself before.

IRENE

[TAKEN ABACK] Before today?

CAROL

Mm. [GRIM] A while back, I was visiting a real close friend of mine. We were, ah, having tea out on her patio. It was a nice day. Didn’t seem like a catastrophe was gonna happen. We talked for a while before she said she had to go to the restroom and went inside.

I’m a patient woman, Irene, but after about twenty minutes, I knew something was wrong. I opened the back door and called out to her, but got no response. When I went inside to check on her, she didn’t answer when I knocked on the bathroom door. I was worried something had happened to her, but…man, I never could have seen it comin’.

The mold had spread out all across her bathroom. She laid dead in the center, just like that ol’ inspector. I haven’t been the same since then.

I tried my best to move on, but I didn’t get the time to. About a week later, that same mold started growing in my own house. I was terrified. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I shouldn’t touch it. So, I did all I could think to do: move out. I got this here apartment as soon as I could. I’m lucky I got out in time. After I moved, it didn’t come after me again, and I hadn’t seen it since. Until today, that is.

I’ve hardly told anyone about this. I mean, hell, I was worried people would think I’m crazy. I told Aden about it ‘cause I trust him and care for his safety, and thankfully, he believed me. I would have probably told you eventually if it hadn’t gotten you first.

IRENE

[DEFEATED] So you don’t know what causes it.

CAROL

[SHE CHUCKLES DRYLY.] Hell, until today, I didn’t even know there was a way to kill it.

[IRENE SIGHS.]

CAROL

Look, I know there’s something going on in this town, Irene. I’m not blind. I’ve seen things that can definitely be classified as strange, and in fact, I’d count Valencia under that category even before I saw his research.

I’ve never gotten any answers, though, just glimpses into something I know is there, but don’t understand yet.

IRENE

[A WEAK CHUCKLE.] Like some big secret the whole town is keeping, but they don’t actually know the secret.

CAROL

I’m sorry I can’t offer you more than that.

IRENE

It’s fine. I can’t expect you to know everything.

[THERE’S A PAUSE.]

CAROL

Well, I’m gonna go take a shower.

IRENE

[SHE CHUCKLES AGAIN.] I don’t blame you. My skin is crawling after spending so much time around the mold.

CAROL

It’s open to you next if you want it.

IRENE

No. [SHE YAWNS.] I’m going to try to get some work done.

CAROL

Well, make sure you get some rest soon, alright?

IRENE

Sure. Goodnight, Carol.

CAROL

Night, Irene.

[THERE’S FOOTSTEPS THAT TRAIL OFF BEFORE CAROL CLOSES THE BEDROOM DOOR. IRENE SHIFTS.]

IRENE

Right. Where do I even begin?

After we found out it was weak to lemons, we poured the jugs of lemonade Valencia had over all the mold we could find. It wasn’t enough for the whole house, obviously. We had to go to the store and buy more.

[SHE CHUCKLES.] I have no right to judge the meat lady anymore. Imagine the look on the cashier’s face when Carol and I went up with twenty bottles of lemonade.

Luckily, it didn’t spread anymore while we were at the store. I think our initial dousing weakened it—or, however that works.

I called Phoebe about it, and she said she’ll look into it. Aden was worried that the sugar contents in the store-bought lemonade would render it ineffective. [SHE LAUGHS WEAKLY.]

Honestly, I don’t know how I’m going to repay Aden. While we were cleaning up the mold, not only did he check in on us constantly, he brought us food once we were done. We never did get lunch like we planned, obviously. Even if he didn’t help with the mold itself, I’m still thankful he was there. As overwhelming as his worried spam can occasionally be.

[A BEAT, THEN, IN A GUILTY AND ALMOST SCARED TONE] The mold inspector…we tried to do something with him. His body just deteriorated, though. We could barely even pick him up without his flesh falling apart—and no, we didn’t use our hands, of course we didn’t.

We had to use garden tools to put his decomposing remains into several layers of garbage bags. Carol said she disposed of it as best she could. I hope she’s right.

The van is still there, though, which is part of why I’m spending the night here. [mutters] Also, because lemonade is incredibly sticky, and right now, my entire house is covered in its gooey residue.

I know his death is going to come back to haunt me. I’m not stupid. At least the guy worked independently, I guess? He probably had a family, though. I have no idea what to do. I mean, I wish I could have prevented it, but—

[SHE STOPS HERSELF. THERE’S A PAUSE.]

IRENE

I’m trying not to think about it right now. [TRYING TO JOKE, BUT FAILING] I mean, this town seems to be all for covering up people who disappear without a trace, right?

I guess I should be happy I got answers, right? Got a whole attic full of them. I’m not, though. I’m the most terrified I’ve ever been. There’s something out there, something that isn’t human—maybe multiple somethings—and as far as I know, it’s shown that it wants to hurt me.

What if the mold comes back? [A BEAT.] What if something more powerful than the mold comes after me, now that I’ve proven to be a threat? 

Look, I should get some work done. I’m sure I’ll be up all night thinking about this, but right now, I have a schedule to keep. Clearly, I didn’t get anything done after around noon, so I have some work to catch up on.

[THE MATTRESS CREAKS AS IRENE GRABS HER BAG AND BEGINS TO LOOK THROUGH IT. IT STOPS AS SHE PULLS OUT HER LAPTOP.]

IRENE

Thankfully, along with some spare clothes, I was able to grab my laptop. We’ll see how long that occupies my mind.

[THERE’S CLICKING NOISES AS IRENE TURNS ON HER COMPUTER. A BRIEF PAUSE.]

IRENE

[HESITANT] There’s another new audio file on my computer. It—it’s labeled as the date of the incident.

[A BEAT.] You know what? I could just close my computer. I’ve been through enough today. I don’t have to put myself through more.

...who am I kidding? I’m just going to keep worrying about it otherwise. Might as well get it over with.

[SHE CLICKS IT.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. ROSE’S BEDROOM, THE NIGHT SHE WENT MISSING.]

[ROSE IS HEARD FRANTICALLY PACKING A BAG.]

ROSE

[PANICKED] I think she—it—I think it’s gotten back up. 

My name is Rosemary Quinn. Rosemary Quinn. If you’re listening to this, don’t come after me. Don’t—

[A VASE IS HEARD BREAKING IN THE BACKGROUND. ROSE GASPS.]

ROSE

It’s my mom. She did something. I don’t know what. Some sort of ritual? Not a traditional one or anything like that. I don’t know what it was she was doing.

I just—I walked in on her screaming, and there was blood coming from her eyes, and then she just—she just started changing! I can’t describe it! It’s like her body was morphing into a different body, like, like clay, I don’t—

[THERE’S A LOUD BANGING AT THE DOOR. ROSE YELPS.]

GRACE?

[IN A DISTORTED, INHUMAN VOICE, MUFFLED BY THE DOOR] Rose, dear, won’t you open the door? What are you so afraid of?

[A BRIEF, EERIE INSTRUMENTAL ECHOES IN THE BACKGROUND.]

ROSE

[WHISPERING] No. No, please no.

It tried to attack me, but I hit it over the head with a candleholder. That incapacitated it for a bit, but now I think it’s just angry.

[SHE ZIPS THE BAG SHUT.]

ROSE

Whatever that is, it is not my mother. I know she’s not a good person already, I know that, but that’s not her, it’s—

[ANOTHER BANGING AT THE DOOR.]

GRACE?

Rose. Open the door.

ROSE

Stop, please stop!

SIR GRIFFIN THE THIRD

Meow.

ROSE

Sir Griffin the Third? Were you, were you hiding under the bed this whole time?

[THE DOORKNOB JINGLES. CREEPY, DRAMATIC MUSIC BEGINS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND.]

GRACE?

Rose, dear, my patience has run very thin.

ROSE

[DISBELIEF] That voice. It sounds like…no. No.

GRACE?

I warned you.

ROSE

Stop. I’m begging you, stop! Mom? Mom, are you still in there? Mom, I’m sorry, please listen—

[ROSE’S MOM IS HEARD BREAKING DOWN THE DOOR. ROSE SCREAMS. THE DOORKNOB FALLS TO THE FLOOR.]

SIR GRIFFIN THE THIRD

Meow!

ROSE

Oh, I can’t just leave you here. Come here.

[SHE GRABS SIR GRIFFIN THE THIRD. SHE IS HEARD OPENING HER BEDROOM WINDOW. THE SOUND OF WIND AND CRICKETS OUTSIDE IS HEARD AS SHE DOES THIS.]

GRACE?

Don’t think you can get away from me, dearest.

ROSE

[MUTTERING IN PANIC] No…no, no, no!

[ROSE IS HEARD CLIMBING OUT OF THE WINDOW ONTO THE GROUND AND RUNNING FOR HER BIKE.]

SIR GRIFFIN THE THIRD

Meow.

[ROSE IS HEARD LIFTING THE BIKE UP, ITS BELL CHIMING, AND CLIMBING ONTO IT.]

ROSE

[TO SIR GRIFFIN THE THIRD] Come on, come on—I know you don’t like the basket, just—

[SHE IS CUT OFF BY A GLITCHING NOISE. THE MUSIC ENDS WITH THE CHIME OF A BELL. THERE IS BRIEF STATIC BEFORE ANOTHER GLITCHING NOISE.]

[ROSE IS HEARD RIDING HER BIKE FOR A FEW SECONDS, BREATHING HEAVILY. THE SAME NIGHTTIME AMBIANCE AS BEFORE IS STILL PRESENT.]

ROSE

...no, Sir Griffin the Third, stay in the—!

[SHE IS CUT OFF BY ANOTHER GLITCHING NOISE.]

[THE BIKE IS HEARD COMING TO A STOP. ROSE BREATHS HEAVILY AS SHE GETS OFF. SIR GRIFFIN THE THIRD MAKES A CHIRPING NOISE.]

ROSE

I think…I think I’m far away enough now.

SIR GRIFFIN THE THIRD

Meow.

ROSE

[DISTRAUGHT, TO SIR GRIFFIN THE THIRD] Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

SIR GRIFFIN THE THIRD 

Meow.

ROSE

I’m sorry, but I can’t bring you with me. I didn’t even get to grab your food. I’m sorry. I’ll bring you somewhere where you’re safe, okay, baby? I promise.

[THERE’S A PAUSE.]

ROSE

I, um…I can’t go home. I don’t even think I can stay in Seattle. I don’t know if my mom will ever go back to her normal self, or if whatever that thing was is who she is now.

Regardless, I believe that the demon will continue to hunt me down, no matter whose body it has to use. It did not seem like a being that goes down easy.

[SAD YET BEAUTIFUL MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.]

ROSE

[GRIM] My mom. I never got along with her. She was an awful person. I know that wasn’t her, though. I don’t know what she did, or what kind of forces she tried to harness, but it is not a kind or benevolent force. 

I’m not quite sure what to do now. I mean, I suppose I wanted to run away, but not like this. How could I even tell Irene—

[A PAUSE.] Oh. Irene.

[SHE TAKES A SHAKY BREATH.] I can’t tell her. It will put her in too much danger. I can’t risk her getting involved with whatever it is that is chasing me.

[THERE’S A PAUSE.]

ROSE

[SHAKILY] Irene...Irene, if you’re listening to this, don’t come after me. I, I don’t know how you could ever be listening to this, but still. Don’t look for me. Not yet, at least.

I promise, when it’s safe, I’ll find you.  I won’t abandon you. [SINCERE] Of course I wouldn’t. I just, I need to go away. Just for a little bit.

I love you, dear. So much. Wait for me.

[THE MUSIC AND NIGHTTIME AMBIANCE FADES OUT.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[INT. CAROL’S APARTMENT, PRESENT DAY.]

[THERE’S A PAUSE AS IRENE PROCESSES WHAT SHE HEARD.]

IRENE

[QUIETLY] I love you, too.

[IRENE BEGINS CRYING.]

IRENE

I love you, too. [SHE SOBS.] Of course I do.

[SHE SOBS FOR A FEW MOMENTS LONGER.]

IRENE

[DETERMINED, BUT SHAKY] I don’t care what you said. I’m going to find you, Rose.

I’m going to find you.

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

AUTOMATED VOICE

Today’s quote is: “Perhaps some day I'll crawl back home, beaten, defeated. But not as long as I can make stories out of my heartbreak, beauty out of sorrow.”

Sylvia Plath, as published in The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, 1982.

[A STRANGE, EERIE, ALMOST HOLLOW SOUND SLOWLY BUILDS IN THE BACKGROUND.

AUTOMATED VOICE

[SLOWING DOWN GRADUALLY] You are the outlet. We are the light.

[THE EERIE SOUND IS CUT OFF BY A LOUD WHOOSH.]

VAL

The Heart of Ether will return in Season Two.

[OUTRO MUSIC AND CREDITS PLAY.]