#oh it's gonna be epic and harrowing

[nalyra-dreaming]

Tragically, their love story has been interrupted by the trial and the return of Lestat. For the first time this season, we see the very much alive Lestat de Lioncourt, not the Dream-stat of episodes past. Reid lays it out plain for TV Insider: “He does not want to be there.” “[Lestat] told Claudia and Louis the vampires in Europe are much worse, and he did not want to go to Paris at all, ever. No, no, no,” Reid says. “But here they are back in Paris, and he does not have good feelings about Paris.” Much of those bad feelings are because of Armand’s presence. “We don’t know all of the details about Nicki [Lestat’s first love shown in Episode 203], but Armand’s with another one of his exes, and it didn’t turn out well the first time,” Reid explains. “He’s not in a good mood. But this is also a memory being told to the audience, or told to Molloy by both Armand and Louis. So, two people who have complicated feelings about Lestat. Now you get to have a mesh between the two.”

TV Insider.

[lemon-natalia]

Harrow the Ninth Reaction - Chapter 49

ORTUS NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO GIVE AN IMPROMPTU POETRY RECITAL 

and Harrow’s started reciting the Noniad despite the fact that she hates it! aww, goes to show Ortus does mean a lot to her, especially after their little bonding session a couple chapters ago

oooh and Abigail’s coming in clutch with some kind of spell 

they summoned the ghost of fucking Matthias Nonius!!!! guess it really is the time to give an impromptu poetry recital 

‘why am i speaking in meter’ omfg thats hilarious,  i didn’t even notice

imagine meeting the long-dead guy you wrote an epic fanfic about, Ortus might die again from sheer joy

‘Gideon [...] might have better appreciated the anonymous monster [...] she was a prodigious fighter’ i think its very cool that Harrow’s here watching the non-necromancy dream combat sequence, while Gideon’s off dealing with all the ancient necromancers and their weird dynamics. they’re both very out of their depth

i don’t have a lot to say about this combat other than go the Ninth!, Matthias Nonius is a sick fighter. guess i did get to find out more about him after all. now i want to know how the fuck Matthias Nonius originally died, it better have been old age because i don’t want to meet what/whoever could have taken this guy out

‘she had been, once again, so slow’ oh me fucking too, i just accepted that all of this just might as well happen. but there is a kind of weird dream logic to it all, where the rules are those of the mind 

‘plastered themselves in red whorls’ listen to me, book, listen, you gotta be less ambiguous and tell me if the hair is red from blood or its natural colour, because that is very much going to colour my perception of whats going on 👀 and if the Sleeper is the woman on the portrait that happened to look a lot like Gideon …

‘but i still don’t know why i’m talking in meter’ someone free this man

i kinda ship Ortus and Matthias ngl

and the Sleeper has a metal tag, kinda like a name tag but it says the word ‘awake’, like some kind of message to Harrow to wake up?

nooo Abby i don’t want to say bye to all of you ghosty guys again

and the whole ghost gang is gonna go help Gideon the First fight the RB! thats a fight i wish i could actually see on page. speaking of, poor Gid, he’s the only Lyctor apparently doing his actual job at the moment. he’s gonna be so fucking confused when a bunch of stabby ghost cavaliers show up to help him

Harrow is finally getting some therapy. from ghosts, but it'll have to do

oh no but now Harrow has a terrible choice to make. and like i know that accepting Gideon’s death is technically the right thing to do (and probably better for Harrow’s mental health) i also really really don’t want Gideon to die again

‘Jeannemary said to tell Gideon hi’ awww Jeannemary’s lil crush on Gideon is still alive and well, unlike either of them

‘actually i’ve got something to tell you’ ohhh some brand new and shiny information is apparently coming Harrow’s way. would love to know what it is without the dramatic cliffhanger 

[bishopknifetrickmp3]

any fic recs?

hi anon i am so so sorry for answering this so late, ive been putting it off and keep forgetting about it whoopsss but i hope it's not too late to rec some fic still...so let's gooooo

please noted that until this year, i hadn't read any peterick fic since 2017 so there's a lot im probably missing but im gonna try and recommend some newer fic (to me at least lol) here;

The High Way to Hell Series by @holytrohmanempire - ok this series is not new and everyone probably already read it BUT it's still ongoing and it's epically long and so so damn good, like fall out boy meet supernatural but better, the band dynamic is amazing, the characterization is on point, the episodic format is delightful, AND the peterick slowburn and the payoff in infinity on high installment is wonderful, i would need a whole new post to rave about this fic so i will stop now

Crooked Love - oh man i am OBSESSED with this fic ive been saying this for months, it's just a perfect disastrous romcom, it's funny, it's got my anxiety rising, it's hot, it's romantic, it's featuring finance bro patrick being a human dumpster fire, i love it to death. the author also write other amazing fics, id recommend silver screen dream, between the sheets, and i've forgiven jesus (the last two were co-written and ive forgiven jesus was pretty damn harrowing, but oh so fucking GOOD)

The Difference Between Real Love and the Love On TV - aka instant classic 21st century modern american literature, put this on your bookshelves now

thought i felt you before - now you're closer - the one where patrick is an actual medium and there's hiatus and trying to get your best friend back via asking him to talk to your dead grandfather, it's great and it's gonna rip your heart out a bit but in a very healing way i promise

And I Lived So Much Life - THE ultimate star-crossed lovers, scar-crossed lovers fic of all time, of course they'd be twin skeletons fated for thousand years 25 lives itd only be fair for me to chase you across hundreds thousands lifetime until i find the one in which you return to me OF COURSE

I Don't Want You To Go Yet - kinda summer fling au, the writing is seriously beautiful and the way the author built up their heartbreak is soooooo good

assortment of various incredible au: Here Come This Rising Tide (the robin hood au, SO SO GOOD), Hell or High Water (crazily good pirate au, the author, the_chaotic_panda wrote so many incredible stories please do scroll through their works and enjoy), Superposition (will give you an existential crisis, highly recommend)

i also have raved about older peterick fic under my fic rec tag and for some rec for livejournal era fic, do check out peterick rec list and dropbox made by the incredible @justtothesea i really think it's the most comprehensive list of (older) peterick fic we have, anyway enjoy reading!

[jellieland]

Ok, so I haven't really done this before, but with the level and quality and effort put into this thing I would very much like to give it a proper read through. So.

Hotguyzine liveblog under the cut, starting with:

The Most Epic and Heartwrenching and Harrowing Battle of the Turn of the Century

I mean, literally from the first page this is all just so incredibly well presented. It looks so good.

And it's Joel and Lizzie with cat ears. I love it already.

"You can be average guy. Mediocre guy." Mean to him. Probably warranted! But also. Mean to him.

Wait, are Joel and Lizzie just known as Guy and Gal? That's great.

"I'M GAL!"

("and i'm. guy.")

I love them.

Oh, Scar is SUCH a reliable narrator. For sure.

"Give me all your cats[h!]" Sooo reliable. Also is that Gem with the animal control van or just someone with red hair?

Right. Right yeah of course he has a camera crew. Why wouldn't he?

I love watching Scar and Lizzie talk about their OCs together.

Wait. Is being an unreliable narrator literally his superpower? Is this is a representation of post-production editorialising, or literally what's happening? Because those have quite different implications.

HUH.

"Knocked both of the dangerous villains to ground in one hit!" What do you mean BOTH Scar, you just erased Joel from the narrative.

Ok! This is quite alarming!!

"With great hotness comes greater guy?" I'm going to choose to ignore everything else that's happening and say yes, you should definitely go with this one, Scar, for sure.

---

Meet Cute

Now first of all, I see that pun in the title. I see it, and I appreciate it!

"I should've figured it was you." I really love the visual representation of the phrase "dripping with malice", there. I also love the Cuteguy design!

"That was kinda rude" Ok that. That's way less extreme than I was expecting from the initial reaction.

"Anyway byeeeee!!!" Oh so they're BOTH annoying weirdos. Perfect.

---

King for a Day

Oh hello Bdubs. This should be fun.

Ren: "You're

Hotguy?"

Bdubs: "How did you do that with your mouth."

"Yeah. What if." Oh Bdubs is TIRED tired huh.

I love how Ren is just immediately fully on board. Like. Yeah he would be like that wouldn't he. He's so enthusiastic it's great.

I-85 box??? Iskall crumbs???? Ooh, and Cub! And... maybe Doc?

Hey there Grian. Have some flowers (and also some dangerous paperwork but don't worry about that part)!

"I'm not joining your little king's court." Oooh, I see. I see. Hey, at least he kept the flowers, right, Scar?

Getting Pearl to publish a hit piece immediately is maybe a little extreme, but fair enough I guess!

"They're gonna throw TOMATOES at me in the town square, man!" Don't worry, Ren. In another life, they already did.

---

Mumblr. Incredible.

Shoutout to teeth dog. My new favourite superhero.

Oh no. The discourse. The discourse. It's too real.

Maple Prince. Etho is a cryptid. Amazing.

"so if heroes are showing crafted personas to the public, don’t you think hotguy and cuteguy having matching names and outfits at least verges on queerbaiting?" I don't. Really have anything to say about this. But I feel like I have to include something that dealt me this amount of psychic damage in the liveblog.

---

G-Team

"I'm off to visibily protect the public." Yeah, that sounds about right.

Oh, the gala was hosted by Doc! And he even made sure to specify that there were DEFINITELY NO ulterior motives! Well I don't see how anything could possibly have gone wrong then!

"wearing his lab coat to a gala?? sus af." No I think that's just Cub, Grian. Although to be fair, "sus af" is maybe his default state now that I think about it.

Ah, it's Sherlock Grian! I love it.

Oh is this conversation taking place in Grian's mind palace? That's great.

Eyy, Permit Manager Grian coming in with all his considerable power, that being opaque bureaucratic processes and hold music! It seems pretty effective.

This is such a good chase scene. The broken heart symbol on the jacket is interesting!

And there's some sculk leaking into the drain. That seems. Fine. That definitely won't come back later to cause problems, I'm sure.

---

The Case of the Missing Cub

Oh, I'm sure this isn't going to be related to the sculk at all. There's definitely nothing on the very first page that would suggest otherwise. (I'm very excited about this one, I always love sculk related stories.)

The sculk snail is actually so cute, I love it.

Uh oh, there's Cub! And he looks like he's maybe having a bad time.

Oh dear, and Grian immediately gets sculked. That's slightly concerning.

"This fight fucking sucks." You know what, that's fair, Grian.

Yay, mutually agreed upon arson! And they both looks so happy about it!

Grian. GRIAN. WHY.

The realistic notes app t-shirt with Scar's actual minecraft face, followed by the deadpan "I want this." It's perfect. It's incredible. It's definitely how Cub would react to being shown that image upon waking up in front his burning house after being possessed. It literally made me laugh out loud.

"Oh, that reminds me. Why is my house on fire?" How. How did that remind you of your house being on fire.

"I used it to season my pizza." ...Yeah. Yeah that sounds about right.

I loved this one a lot. All of the stories have been great, but I especially enjoyed this.

---

Hotguy! Has One New Mail

Oh we get the one sided Bdubs and Cub rivalry from season 7! Excellent!

All the character voices are just so perfect. Bdubs' "Founding Principles" followed by Cub's "Yeah man cool this all sounds great" are just so perfectly in character for both of them.

I want some of Cub's cool space facts, and honestly if I emailed a celebrity/superhero and they sent me a link to cool space facts in return, I would be ecstatic.

Scar sold Doc a none existent bridge. Amazing. Sorry, Beef's proxy, but the list of things you're saying Scar shouldn't have been doing certainly isn't going to convince Cub, of all people, that anything needs to change.

"why have you sent me a list of top supernovas!" WOW, Grian, ungrateful much? Enjoy your supernovas.

"he is rescuing kittens from tragically falling into rivers, an activity that has fully occupied him for the past eighteen months." To be fair I feel like if Scar could do this, he would.

"everything is completely under control" Yeah, Special Officer #49, everything I've seen about this city so far really suggests that you've got it all under control. For sure.

"Hotguy is currently in Canada fighting smallpox by shooting individual bacteria with a special crossbow, for which he has received a commendation from their Prime Minister." I love Cub's excuses for Hotguy, they're all great. Also love how Pearl's main problem with this one is apparently the lack of smallpox in Canada, when obviously the actual main problem is that Scar is banned for Canada.

"casting_directors_bdubs_is_not_feuding_with" Well I'm glad there's at least one. And of course Scar's recording a snack commercial while all this is going on.

NOOO, GRIAN'S PIZZA! This is so sad.

---

The 30 part thread by Doc is amazing. As are Bdubs' ill-advised replies.

Ooh, a good old classic Doc disproportionate twitter threat! Always love those!

Carol the zombie mention! AND she's a movie star! Let go!!

Jellie... I love her the picture is perfect. She deserves that quarter of a million likes and more.

---

Ok, this is 100 pages into the zine and has got fairly long, so I'll probably continue this in another post!

[tomomiisasleep]

wha?

oh my god ohmygod oh my god

Gideon is the princess of the Nine Houses

OHMYGOD she can't be killed cuz she's god's child

bruh

and like, with all the consequences of having sex with Lyctors maybe John should stop

the eggs. THE EGGS I finally know what the fucking eggs are now I can rip

I carried that thing under my heart … threw up every morning that first trimester … felt it kick … had to induce labour and give birth in a shuttle, alone, knowing by then that Gideon was catching up … Do you know, I gave that thing a nickname, my whole pregnancy? I used to call it Bomb.

ok to be fair,"Bomb" as a name is as dumb and epic as Gideon so

You brought a baby—a baby you’d made inside yourself, well done, that’s the classic—so you could, what, kill it and create a huge thanergy cascade at the door? I wish Harrowhark were here; it would do her good to know there are more people in the world with an imagination like her parents’.

You promised not to tell anyone!!! Fucker. whatever he's gonna die in half an hour

ok there's actually whole paragraphs explaining that they got God's sperm, but it was kinda obvious, and I realized the identity both of Gideon's parents at the same time, cuz it's obvious blood wards need blood to break(which I don't believe was mentioned in the book? but it just seemed very natural to me that the blood of a kid of God would be the thing they need to break the ward.

OH MY GOD. I JUST REALIZED.

Harrow actually broke the ward.

she had Gideon's blood under her fingernails. From their fight.

OMG

omen

and this is gonna be revealed later right cuz I'm still at the talking about threesome scene

[tiptapricot]

Moon Knight Liveblog thoughts, The Friendly Type

I love this opening scene w Layla but who is the lady truly like

How did they get to know each other bc she sorta acts like a mom but also not rlly n also she isn’t credited as such

Marshmallows :-)

Layla ilysm

I wish this scene didn’t have music almost bc the asmr would b amazing

LAYLA DOES YHE FACE PICKY THING IRL NOT JUST AS A DUAT NURSE OGHGGHGG

HER STIMMMMINGHGGGGGGGH

She also works her lips a lot

THIS LOGO SONG YESSSSSSSS

Episode two w the boring ass normal music should step up

Marc Jumpy Guy Spector

The way he’s running so fast n then is just already late lol

“Owh shit :-/“

“Oh wow”

“Ooo we dancin we fightin what we gonna do”

The slap… THIS FIGHT FUCKS

Love the musicCCC GOD

The dynamic vibes slap so hard ahhHgGghh

Marc looks great disheveled too

Jake just stepping in like “lol sorry guys don’t go after me or I’ll kill you” *gets in a cab*

MARC USED STEVENS ACCENT I THINK WHEN HE ASKS WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME???

“Just let us go man 😟”

Marc Jumpy Guy Spector again

He looks so dumb when he runs

These poor bystanders

“Mahc… that’s enough”

Jake moment again woooooo!!!!

Also knowing the changes when the camera pans between Marc n reflections is practical n Oscar doing it in real time makes this ep even MORE FUCKING EPIC

The pause before “he’s just a kid” n then seeing Marc push all ot it away

God

We don’t talk enough about that moment jfc

Khonshu’s neck black hole lmao

“Anger them enough… and they will enact a hate crime on my fruity ass”

*Does a gay little eclipse that pisses you off*

Literally the limp wrist moment is the next scene

Also Khonshu is so stupid he’s so dumb he’s like “we gotta b perfect haha no I won’t tell you anything or prepare anything byyyye”

“Ohhh I’ll be there 😏”

Steven is… I love him “Oh my days” what if I kissed u huh??? On the nog?

YATZIIIIIILLLLL her voice is so nice

“Ok…. Cool” Marc interacting w ppl makes him sound so funny

“The only melody Khonshu enjoys is the sound of pain” Marc that’s…. Really funny

JUST TELL HIM HES GONNA B POSESSED DUDE STOP LEAVING HIM IN THE DARK

The trial scene makes me fucking feral

“We despise your garishness” STOP BEING HOMOPHOBIC

OSCARS ACTING IN THIS SCENE MARC LOOKING MORE AND MORE AWARE AND AFRAID OF WHATS HAPPENING GODDDD

THE TEAR

IM NOT OK IM NOT OK ALSO THE LIGHTING IS RLLY NICE

The little whispered “fuck” Marc I’m so sorrry I love you

Arthur Crunchy Feet Harrow coming out of the gate swinging w the ableism

Harrow shut up shut up shut up shut up

Marc’s poor body

Watching them blur here is ridiculous like they’re both being triggered but I think it’s Marc that breaks through n tries to punch harrow bc u hear him say stop n Khonshu say shut up

HARROW SHUT THE FUCK UP I WANNA KILL YOU

“We will not tolerate violence” oh I see tolerating ableism n verbal attacks but not physical ones I see I see also HARROW I HATE YOU

Marc…. Looks so fucking…. In disbelief and so wrecked and so sweaty and teary and vulnerable his voice cracking and he’s scared and he’s scared of harrow for te power he has over him god this fuvking scene I’m not ok

What other memories is this echoing what other experiences is this mirroring where he wasn’t believed and was yelling to listen but no one did bc he was written off for being seen as lesser

And Marc feels as if he’s lost after, as if not being normal cost him everything. His brain and his struggles and that being weapon used like always causing him to lose

THE MUSIC FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

He went back for his hat :-)

Marc failing at an interaction… felt

LAYLA YESSS

BOAT SCENE BOAT SCENE YESS

Layla u are glowing get his ASS

“Copy that” you military ass guy I love you

Layla finger fiddling again

SALKAAAAAA

I need to see their wedding

I’m getting goosebumps I love them the like emotional tension here n Layla has the power

“It… doesn’t matter” the way his voice breaks

AND HIS FINGERS AUTOMATICALLY OPEN WHEN LAYLA TAKES THEM N HE FIDDLES W THEM I LOVE YHEM I LOVE YHEM OK INLOVE THEM

The way he gives her her hands back n pats them like giving the affection back, returning it bc he doesn’t need it

Layla in a ponytail somehow almost changes her character to me she just looks like like she just looks she LOOKS SHE LOOKSSSS

What happened between Layla n Mogart I wanna see the drama

Marc fails a social interaction part 2, electric boogaloo

Layla just like “o baby no”

Marc just not knowing shit ab Egyptian stuff is so funny n then Steven’s like that one tik tok meme

“I receive: the body. You receive: the info you need”

“He’s praying” IS SUCH AN OVERLOOKED LINE

Steven n Marc bantering my loves

Let Marc say fuck

Mogart I hate you

The way Marc can’t act when harrow is there…. The trauma from the trial still so fresh and that power imbalance and uncomfortability freezing him

“You piece a shit..” real

Also w Marc being unable to act, it’s also after he starts turning Layla against him and it’s just the same and he just can’t he can’t you can see a shot of his face that almost looks identical to the trial

It’s like a silent panic attack

But then harrow leaves n he can breathe again

THIS FIGHT SCENE MY BELOVEDDDTGE CAPE IN A MOON SHAPE SHEILDING LAYLA

“Buy me some time” “I can do that :-)”

Also the music AGAIN

MARC RUNNING THROUGH THE FUCKING FENCE IS SO FUNNY HE DOESNT EVEN JUMP JUST ZOOP

Marc growling… baby you are neurodivergent ily

“Thas it… alright that’s it that’s it time out!”

“Take… the body… take the body take the body Marc”

Lol get stabbed

Imagine seeing ur husband get impaled

LAYLA W THE KNIFE NECKLACE I LOVE HER I LOVE HER

“LAYLAAA!!”

The grab n roll is sOOOO satisfyinGGGG

“Tik tok marc spector” shut UP

“Aigh… I really liked that jacket… o wel”

Marc in da car call that Carc

He has nice shoulders

Bologna :-)

Marc just breaking internally n pushing her away the scene where they’re driving makes me weep they’re just tearing at the seams n both so sad but also angry

Marc getting upset easily felt felt

Some of Khonshu’s neck tendrils r taught into his neck n some just dangle lol

THE AWITCH W THE CAR MIRROR that’s the scene that got me to watch actually I saw it on Instagram n was like ohhHh

Steven’s eyelashes n the way he looks at Layla adoringly

“Egyptians invented modern.. navigation” baby you are so cute

“It’s French” LAYLAS LAUGH

They’re both so pretty they need to kiss

Watching this scene after that one comic ab Layla not knowing why it’s not working hits diff I love her

Khonshu sad scene….

His voice is so deep and soft….

The stars r fucking beautiful

This scene gives me goosebumps

Layla has a scrape on her shoulder

THIS SCENE THIS SCENE THIS SCENE OF TURNING THE STARD BACK AGHGGGHHGGGGHHHHHGHHHHHGHHJJHHGGHHHHGGHJJHGGUHJHGGHHJJ

God it’s so pretty it’s so pretty I’m out of my mind it’s so pretty I’m in space I’m eating wood

Khonshu dying hurts why does it hurt the way he yells and crumples n the suit breaks away and the bones snap and shatter and he groans in pain and Steven can feel it and feel it leaving him and he reaches out to Khonshu as he dissolved into dust, desperate and scared and so sad and then just goes totally limp… the tie severed from the body for the first time in a decade and the immediate mystical biological whiplash

*ahem* Harrow…. I hate you. Also stop having crunchy toes.

This episode slaps so hard everyone else shut up yes I like it more than the tomb which comes next and it’s bc SO MUCH HAPPENS AND ITS PACED SO WELL

YESSSSSSS THIS ENDING THEME WHY DO ALL OF THEM FUCK SO HARD YESSSS

[shiramoonshadow]

This is the second part of the last post.  

What is your favorite moment in the show? Rhona, and then Omari, and then Paula and then Jack.

Omari: I don’t have a moment but I think like whenever I see and hear Harrow speak I get emotional because I think of myself as a kid and seeing this like honorable, powerful king who happens to look kind of like me, I just think I didn’t really have that often on animated shows so I get...I get emotional. Again, you’re talking to a guy who every time I watch Spider-man into the Spider-Verse I cry while they’re talking like I...It just affects me on a deep level.

Paula: For me it’s an episode and it’s 2x05, when Viren is trying to convince the council to go to war and Queen Aanya is not having it, that whole episode I just love it and Jason was just talking forever and it was great, even being in the room for that episode was amazing. Just love it.

Jack: Ezran ascending to the throne. I just think like a shot of him entering the throne room and taking that on, I think it’s just one of the more well-earned and beautiful, like whoa, him leaving the journey to go back take on that responsibility, I think is just incredible.

Rhona: I think another special moment was just the first time seeing Amaya sign. That was really a special moment, you know, it felt like having black royal family, groundbreaking, and having a character sign, groundbreaking.

Mental illness representation, Callum’s anxiety...oh, okay. What do you guys think of the kind of ever present discussion of people dealing with “are they capable?” Because both Rayla and Callum are very much open and honest with like “am i a failure?” (This was mine!)

Omari: Oh, it's great to see characters that are, you know, lack confidence and struggle with these real things that I'm sure a lot of viewers do as well."

Jack: I'm a person with generalized anxiety disorder, it's what it’s been called to me, and I struggle with anxiety a lot and it's a big thing that I connected to with this character and it does feel like the show explores it in a way that isn't like…. Sometimes it’s in like, sometimes it’s in a character description as just like “anxious” just like “Oh, that’s just like a trait” as opposed to a like... a part of this person and a struggle that they're facing and I think Callum really does read to me as a person with an anxiety disorder and they really like, you know, he is really grappling with it and working through it and the dark magic coma scene that I’ve talked about a bunch because I just love it. I love that, you know, to unlock the person that he needs to be, it's stuff that I do to work on anxiety where it’s like “oh he's gotta calm down and channel his breath and think and focus on just the thing in front of him”, like those things, I think that's beautiful and I love it. Love it.

Was there a point in the story that really surprised you? Like, I did not see that. (I already wrote Paula's answer and Jack's reply, twice because I'm stupid and tumblr hates me)

Jack: I just said it, but truly, Ezran leaving. I think was a real like...It’s just so not in the outline you think of this journey when you look at the beginning of the series. You go like, oh these three kids who are like going off to meet the dragon queen and this is the one who can, this kid can like talk to animals, so he’s going to be there to talk to the dragon queen, and the fact that “no, it makes more sense that he has to go back and do the adult thing" even though he’s an 11 year old. I think that’s a really logical plot decision that is, I think, completely shocking from just a genre perspective of like, you know, this is the show where it’s about kids on an epic quest, the main kid doesn’t leave in the middle of the epic quest to go home and do a job. That’s weird, but I think it just really makes sense and it’s really cool.

Paula: What you said (about Rayllum) it’s kind of funny because I think her..for me, in terms of the relationship with Callum, for Rayla it was like “oh, this annoying guy that I have to take care of and I’ve got to explain everything to him”. Well, that does sound like the start of all my relationships so...I don’t know why I didn’t see it coming.

Omari: For a selfish pov just, you know, Corvus going from tracker to a protector, an ally. It was a great story and we talked about it on the previous one, just spoke of the brilliance of the... just the nuance of the storytelling, constant twists that are really surprising and fun.

Rhona: I feel like I want to use the same moment, just the first time I saw Amaya sign and I think the show approaches so many issues with such respect and it’s not made this big deal of... and I loved also that there wasn’t a translation. I think that it really blew me away to see that and, you know, we mentioned in our panel last night how there are fun little signing easter eggs left in there. I don’t know, I just loved that moment.

Who’s the most likely to break character and laugh during the session?

Paula: Jesse.

Rhona: Oh, he’s not here to defend himself.

Paula: Jesse and Racquel together.

Jack: Yeah, the combo.

Last question, what movie or show would your characters be a fan of? (This was mine too)

Rhona: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Like getting in there, stealing precious artifacts, going on adventures....

Omari: Terminator 2.

Paula: I think Rayla's pretty into sports, if she’s gonna watch a movie might be something like Tomb Raider, something with a girl.

Is there a sports woman movie?

Jack: Hold on, what’s like a hard-edged female sports movie…

Rhona: I, Tonya?

Jack: There’s a Drew Barrymore...roller derby movie? (Whip It) (About Callum) I was trying to think if there’s like an animated thing because he’s so into drawing, so I was trying to think if there was like an animated...Um…

Rhona: The Last Airbender.

Jack: The Last Airbender, yeah. He’s really into The Last Airbender. He has a big connection with boomerangs and he doesn’t understand, I think that’s perfect.

Edit: sorry I forgot to say that I didn't write any questions about through the moon since none of them have read it yet, but Rhona has started a free webinar series called Mistressclass and Omari's been one of the few men that they had on their platform. It's to learn about the industry from mostly women to voice over, to on camera, to commercials, to head shots to agents. They are going to have one about audition nerves and anxiety if you're interested!

[atamascolily]

So I am revisiting formative books of my childhood (as one does), which means it's time to talk about THIS BOOK, Y'ALL.

Hardly anyone has ever heard of this series, but oh my goodness, did this book ever resonate with '90s me, to the point where my first novel, which I wrote when I was 15, was a hybrid Unicorn Chronicles-Pern-LotR fusion with characters based on me and people from my life, and a villain who is definitely not Jadis from the Chronicles of Narnia. Ahem. But I love it, the way I love all my novels, because you can see the *spark* of the idea there along with all of the influences/pastiches/story elements in a blender.

Let's just say in a lot of ways I have not changed.

Anyway, this book was published in 1994, and I read it somewhere around 1995, and then obsessively thereafter between 1996-98. Book two didn't come out until 1999, which I only found out about a few years after the fact, so for a long time, it was just me re-reading the same book over and over again.

This series follows the adventures of Cara, a young teenager who finds herself in a world known as Luster, where all the unicorns fled when they were hunted by humans - and the hunters haven't given up.

One reason this book has stayed with me for so long is because the opening chapters are so evocative--and harrowing. The first words out of Cara's mouth are "Gramma, is that man following us?"

Cara's grandmother, Ivy Morris, is afraid, and Cara picks up on her fear, and that makes everything worse, because this is clearly Seriously Business. The image of this strange unknown man stalking an elderly woman and a teenage girl is even scarier to me as an adult. Factor in the falling snow and Ivy's decision to take shelter in a church, and the atmosphere is so vivid as they hide behind the pews in hopes of avoiding their pursuer.

Ivy gives Cara her amulet--her most precious possession--which only frightens and confuses Cara further. We learn that the amulet has a lock of white hair that is supposed to be from a unicorn, and that Cara believed unicorns were real when she was small. The only other time she's ever had the amulet is when she was very ill and she had a vision of someone healing her.

The man is literally breaking down the church door to get after them. Ivy orders Cara to climb up to the rooftop while she tolls the bells and to jump after the twelfth ring while saying, "Luster, take me home". She also says to tell "the Old One" that "the Wanderer is weary". Cara is confused, but obeys, even though she's worried about her grandmother and the man calls her by name. Chapter two ends with her jumping from the tower in the snow--and if that isn't epic, I don't know what is.

Chapter three finds Cara in a pristine fantasy woodland in summer,and we get a bit more backstory: her parents, Ian and Martha Hunter, abandoned her when she was three, and she was taken in by her grandmother. She doesn't have any friends or strong connections with Earth, and she spent a lot of time escaping into fantasy. So even though she's worried about her grandmother, finding herself here is a dream come true.

Oh, also, she has red hair, because of course she does, lol.

Cara is attacked by a dwarf-like creature who steals her amulet, but she is rescued by the Dimblethum, a man-bear hybrid, who calls the unicorn Lightfoot as a healer-translator. I love how Cara's first view of Lightfoot is as this marvelous, completely well-put together being, and she doesn't even react when he jams his horn into her chest.

Lightfoot is surprised when he detects Cara has been healed by a unicorn before--Cara is thrilled because it means her experience when she was little wasn't a hallucination. Lightfoot also notes an old wound--emotional--that he can't heal,which Cara doesn't get. Also, we meet the Squijum, a monkey-squirrel hybrid that can speak in a kind of rambling dialect of its own.

The Dimblethum returns with the amulet, and Lightfoot gets to be Mr. Exposition, explaining there are five magic amulets that allow the wearer to cross freely between Luster and Earth. "The Old One" turns out to be the Unicorn Queen, so they decide to get the amulet to her.

"How did you come by this amulet, anyway?" "My grandmother gave it to me." "Who is your grandmother?" asked the unicorn curiously. "Her name is Ivy Morris." "That sounds familiar," he said after a moment. "I suppose I should have paid more attention in history."

Lightfoot, despite his majestic appearance, is actually the unicorn equivalent of a teenage delinquent, and I love it.

Cara pesters Lightfoot for more backstory, and we learn that unicorns used to live on Earth, but came to Luster along with the dwarves--known as delvers--and that pisses off actual natives like the Dimblethum.

"Is the Queen a unicorn or a human?" asked Cara.

Lightfoot snorted at the idea the Queen might be a human.

THIS IS ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD QUESTION AND WILL BE RELEVANT LATER AND I... CANNOT BELIEVE THAT IS JUST OUT THERE ALREADY, HAHAHA, WELL PLAYED.

Also, they're gonna stop by Grimmwold's Caverns along the way to meet the keeper of the Unicorn Chronicles, who has EVEN MORE BACKSTORY than Lightfoot because that's literally his job.

Anyway, the party departs. Lightfoot's horn doubles as a water filter, they meet some rogue delvers who warn that their king is conspiring with a mysterious human who wants the amulet, the Squijum has a knack for finding things and playing catch, they are attacked by another party of delvers and the Dimblethum is taken captive.

Cara and Lightfoot debate about what to do, and we learn that most unicorns are kinda jerks. Even though the sensible route is to keep going, Cara refuses to abandon a friend.

"We're going to get him," she declared.

"That's a very immature decision," said Lightfoot.

The criticism stung like a slap. "Why do you say that?" she asked sharply.

"Because it is what I would choose," he replied, sounding amused. "And my uncle has assured me many times that I am very immature."

Did I mention I love him?? No?

Anyway, the Squijum leads them to Thomas the Tinker, who helps them rescue the Dimblethum with his magic cart and all-around fashion sense. (Don't get me wrong, I love him.) Thomas fixes the broken chain on the amulet and there is a philosophical digression about chains. They skirt the dragon Firethroat's territory to avoid pursuit, and arrive at Grimmwold's place without further incident.

Turns out Cara has seen Grimmwold before: her grandmother painted a portrait of him in her room. (Grimmwold has a portrait of young Ivy, so it's only fair.) Grimmwold's library/cave is delightful -- Cara's reaction is, literally, "I want to live here!"-- and so do I.

Grimmwold does provide the backstory as promised: humans found a dead unicorn's horn and used it for healing. A hunter decided to get one for his deathly ill daughter Beloved, and he leaves her in a clearing in the woods. She is found by a unicorn, who sticks his horn into her chest to heal her--only to have the tip broken off when her father attacks the unicorn and they kill each other. Beloved is healed but unable to die while the horn resides in her heart, and vows revenge against all unicorns, marshalling her many human descendants, the Hunters. The unicorns fled to Luster to avoid pursuit, but now the cycle is threatening to start all over again.

Cara realizes she knows her pursuer's identity, but the chapter ends before we find out who it is. Grimmwold shows them his scrying pool, which Beloved hacks to read "Surrender the amulet --Beloved," which is pretty badass of her, tbh.

The amulet cannot be destroyed because it is unbreakable, which makes Thomas raise his eyebrows. "Things that cannot be broken are generally a bad idea." YUP.

Grimmwold takes them out to a secret back entrance and Cara and Lightfoot are kidnapped by the dragon Firethroat. Turns out Cara's pursuer took Firethroat's heart and she is forced to obey him. Cara confronts her pursuer in the most emotionally messy family reunion ever: it's her father, Ian Hunter.

Ian claims that Ivy stole Cara from them and the reason he didn't come for her eas because he had to fulfill his mission to kill all the unicorns first. He also claims her mother is waiting for her. Cara can get everything she's ever wanted at the cost of sacrificing the unicorns.

(Also, her middle name is "Diana," wow, not subtle there, Ian...)  

(Lightfoot is horrified, but hey, boy, you have family connections YOU'VE been hiding, so...)

Cara makes as if to give him the amulet, but tosses it to the Squijum instead while she snags Firethroat's heart from Ian. In the scuffle, she and Ian fall and Firethroat rescues them both at Cara's command. Not knowing what else to do, Cara has Firethroat return Ian to Earth.

Cara has an emotional breakdown, like you do, and Lightfoot does what he can to help. Firethroat gives Cara the gift of languages as a boon, so Cara can understand all the creatures of Luster without Lightfoot's help. And Thomas is very philosophical about chains because THEMES.

They make their way to Summerhaven--the unicorns have a rotating seasonal capital--and we learn that Lightfoot is the Queen's grandson, but for unspecificed reasons, he won't go to court, so Cara meets Arabella Skydancer on her own.

"I have a message for you. I have carried it from another world, through danger and heartbreak across this world to you. I am to tell you that the Wanderer is weary."

"Then it is time to bring her home," said the Queen. "Would you like to be the one to fetch her?"

"I would," whispered Cara. "Very much."

"Then so it shall be."

And so it was.

But that, of course, is another story altogether.

It is recorded, like all such stories, in the Unicorn Chronicles.

WHAT A BADASS WAY TO END. I'M JUST SAYING.

This held up surprisingly well overall. Older!me finds the Squijum annoying, and I sympathize with the Dimblethum more than I used to. Younger!me was really only into the unicorns, and I still find Lightfoot the most interesting character. (Firethroat is great, though!)

Those two opening chapters still get me hooked, and that's impressive. The plotting is solid, the exposition is carefully doled out as needed, the foreshadowing is excellent, and the family drama sets it head and shoulders above the usual generic fantasy. I think this would work well as a miniseries - probably too much for a movie, but maybe not.

[sergeantsporks]

[deep, deep, deep, deep, sigh]

Mmmmmmkay. Not sure this is going to be a popular post. In fact, probably going to be pretty darn unpopular (making the bold assumption that anyone will see it and/or care). But I want to talk about the PROBLEMS in the Tales of Arcadia writing.

Now, Tales of Arcadia has some diddly darn good writing. I like it. A lot. And most of it is fantastic and beautiful and makes me cry. All of the character arcs are 👌. Buuuuuuuuuuut as a whole, as a multi-show story, I do find issues with the plot.

Honestly, first off, I'm not going to bring 3below into this because 3below is a bit disconnected from the rest of the series. Maybe that will change Rise of Titans, but in general, the protagonists and conflict in 3below doesn’t really intersect much with Trollhunters and Wizards. Sure, it’s in the same world, and the characters interact, but the 3below plot is only minimally connected to the Trollhunters plot, and aside from Wizards picking up where 3below left off and Krel showing up and helping with the Hisirdoux’s Eternal Time Trap, the two shows don’t intersect at all, so. Moving on.

First of all, Trollhunters. Morgana, specifically. I have... issues... with the ending. I really, really, really felt like Jim and Gunmar kind of got sidelined for Claire and Morgana respectively. Now, is this issue biased by my dislike of Claire in general? Oh, definitely, I’m not going to deny that it factors in quite a bit. But even that aside, we’re given this protagonist, Jim, and they spend 3 seasons building up this big scary troll villain named Gunmar, and how there’s going to be this invasion/eternal night thingamabob where Jim’s gonna have to face off against Gunmar and-- PSYCH! Gunmar goes out like a little punk and we flip over to the universal story constant of “if there are two girls on the battlefield, they absolutely must find each other and fight.” And okay, Morgana was built up, too. She was, it’s not like they threw her in last minute. But she was built up as the MASTERMIND, as a puppeteer in the shadows, and I don’t know, it just sort of felt like she kind of lost her place in the story and became just another endgame boss. And I 100% absolutely DESPISE the fact that Jim got sidelined for Claire. Angor Rot coming in and holding Morgana? Fantastic. Superb. Again, the character arcs in this show are great. And Jim even stabbed Morgana! It was a great fight! The protagonist overcame harrowing ordeals, stabbed the-- oh, wait. Nope. She’s not dead. Now, let’s just knock Jim out cold (albeit in a very in-character way, taking the hit for his friends) and hand the reins over to Claire, who finishes her off. And I just [sighs again] it felt a little forced? Especially since in Wizards, we re-hashed the exact same thing and just made Morgana turn good instead of killing her. I felt like Morgana was rushed in as a villain when more time should have been taken, especially if they were just going to resurrect her and do it all over in Wizards. The pacing could have been better, that’s what I’m saying.

Speaking of Wizards and Morgana. Let’s talk about Wizards and Morgana. Again, it felt like they just re-hashed the ending of Trollhunters into Wizards and changed up the ending. Now, I have no problem with Claire fighting Morgana IN GENERAL. It’s cool. However, that being said, in Trollhunters, Morgana was built up to be a puppeteer character, then became the main villain that was just a cool final boss, like I already said. And since we brought the whole fight back up in Wizards, I feel like a better alternative would have been to yes have Claire fight Morgana in Trollhunters! But for that to be the side fight and the main fight to be the fight we were originally promised of Gunmar vs. Jim. For Gunmar to get beaten in something a little more epic than “One down, one more to go!” and then for Morgana, locked in her fight with Claire and seeing that the battle is being lost, slip away into the shadows and live to fight another day. Leaves a bit of intrigue, and keeps her initially-established role as a voice in the shadows intact. Granted, this does raise problems later in Wizards as to what zombie Arthur wants and why the Arcane Order would need to destroy the amulet, but I’m sure they could find a way around it, like that Morgana’s power was severely weakened by creating the eternal night and they were unleashing more power. Instead of “Hey, I liked being dead, it was quiet” it could be more of a “without my powers, I realized the error of my ways.” There are ways to fix the issue, is all I’m saying. Plus, to leave Morgana as an unsolved, living mystery would make it even more of a big deal to see her in the past in Wizards-- instead of Claire being “Grrrrrr, Morgana, that person I killed once!” it would be “Grrrrrr, Morgana, that person who’s still at large and we never managed to defeat!” Just makes more sense for you to be mad at an enemy you have unfinished business with than one you already defeated pretty soundly.

[Deep inhale]

Okay, let’s talk about the large, stone, elephant in the room. Troll Jim and his transformation back. Pure, honest, unadulterated opinion, right off the bat? Felt like a cop-out. Now, I have to sit here and constantly remind myself “It’s a kid’s show, it’s a kid’s show, remember that it’s a kid’s show,” but I’m sorry, I like my permanent things to be a little more permanent. I liked the fact that the Airbenders remained extinct in Avatar and we didn’t [gasp!] discover more! during the show (that changed in Legend of Korra obviously, but we’re not going to get into my feelings on that). It felt a bit cheap when there was a secret colony of living Alteans in Voltron. I know, I know, it’s a kids’ show, sometimes you like a happy ending, especially when the kids’ show is Wizards and ends up getting incredibly dark (what with the amulet getting destroyed, Merlin dying, the whole Beast-Jim thing, THE PROTAGONIST STRAIGHT UP DYING, all of the emotional/psychological darkness of the Arthur and Morgana arc) through the course of it! Yay, little bit of feel-good, Jim’s not a troll anymore. That being said, again. We got told that troll Jim was PERMANENT. There was no way out of it. Apparently Claire didn’t find a way to change that through whatever gap there was between Trollhunters and Wizards. And then it got fixed, by, uhhhhhhhhh, oh. They didn’t explain what exactly fixed it. Besides I guess the [heavy sigh] *low grumbling* power of love. Felt like a cop-out, and it felt like it cheapened Jim’s sacrifice at the ending of Trollhunters for it to just *poof* fix! at the end through the power of Claire’s love. Now, granted, Jim went through the absolute wringer of first turning into a great big monster and then getting turned to stone, so sure, give the boy a break and some therapy but it still felt like a cop-out.

Okay, all this to say. I ranted for like, three paragraphs about... two issues. I COMPLIMENTED parts of the writing WHILE I WAS BASHING OTHER PARTS. That is pretty dang good, guys. Yes, I have a whole essay on why there is a PROBLEM in this WRITING, but seeing as I could only find TWO THINGS that I had a problem with? That’s some pretty solid writing. Granted, they were two pretty big things that I had essays on, and that’s not great. But hey, two big plot issues versus a multitude of plot holes? Hot dang. Not bad. So, yeah, the character arcs are all fantastically carried out, and the plots in general are sound with the Sporks seal of approval on everything but two points. Thanks for reading through, I know it was long. Feel free to tell me exactly why I’m wrong about this being bad writing. I’d love to see someone else’s opinion and/or someone making me feel better about these issues that I have.

[sunnomnoms]

How would Todoroki comfort an emotionally burned out S/O? (I really love how you write Shoto because just reading about him makes me so relaxed, like drinking tea)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO AAAAAAAAAAA

I had a bit of an emotional burn out myself recently I guess, hence the unannounced hiatus. But I’m back, and I have ur Todo content!!!! I wrote this as headcanons, I hope you don’t mind!! Also, I’m glad you like how I portray him, i do my best to be accurate but also realistic to his character!!

TW: mentions of animal and child neglect. I guess I’m in a bit of a morbid mood? I felt giving some details would make this feel more real, I’m sorry if it’s too much!

It had been after a tough mission that you two happened to be on together. It was an emotionally exhausting mission. It wasn’t one of epic proportion, it didn’t have any super heroic battles, no villainous empire to tear down, no evil overlord to stop.

Instead, the two of you had been working along side police force. Of course, you were recognized and respected as heroes, the two of you were doing work studies and were recognized as legitimate heroes. But the mission wasn’t a huge one.

Or so you thought

To bring things long story short, what you expected to be a quick wellness check turned out to be a horrifying sight of child and animal neglect. Owners of the house seemed to have skipped town, and completely abandon their pets and children. The neglect seemed to be long term, the owners skipping town seemed to be out of fear due to police suspicion.

It didn’t help that you were the one who initially discovered the neglected children. If Shoto hadn’t been there with you, you would have hit the ground when you fainted at the sight.

The next few days after the incident, you seemed to keep to yourself.

Shoto didn’t like this. It wasn’t that you weren’t giving him attention that bothered him, no, he didn’t mind when you wanted alone time. But this was abnormal. This wasn’t right, something was wrong. No text message telling him you were okay and just needed some time alone, no good morning or good night text (you always did those, no matter if you were distant or not), nothing.

He was worried. No, beyond worried. You were his significant other, you meant a whole lot to him. Sure he didn’t know exactly how to express that all the time, but he did everything he could to get it across that he was there for you. And you always seemed to know and appreciate that. Why is it any different now? Is it something he did? What happened?

It struck Shoto then that you and him had just been on a... harrowing mission. He had to mull over it a few times before it kind of hit him how awful that situation actually was. Shoto had kind of... disconnected himself from the situation despite everything so he could just kind of do what he had to. He learned to do this a good bit throughout his life, to disconnect and disregard emotions at certain times so he could get to the point and work.

But you? You had always been a companionate person. It’s one of the many things he loved about you.

He should have realized sooner. Of course you’re upset. Of course you couldn’t disconnect. He shouldn’t have expected you to.

It didn’t take long for him to make his way over to your dorm. He would have sprinted there, but given the hour of night it was he didn’t want to gain any suspicion. He stopped in front of your door, knocking oh-so gently.

“[Y/N].” Shoto called for you softly. A small rustle was heard within your room, then silence. He knocked again. “[Y/N], please let me in. I’m worried about you...” At first there was nothing, until he heard soft shuffling towards the door. A small click was heard, as well as some more shuffling. Shoto grabbed the nob gently, twisting it and entering your dorm slowly.

It was a bit of a mess, sure, but he wasn’t really worried about that. Instead, he made his way to your laying form on your bed. He sat on the bed gently, sitting near the foot of the bed as you back faced away from him. He looked over at you, unsure as what to do.

“Hey.” He started, hoping his greeting would get you to carry on the conversation. But you were silent. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy, so instead, he just spoke.

“You don’t have to move or get up. You don’t have to even speak. It’s okay. I don’t mind. I know you’re struggling from that mission, I should have known you would. I know that kind of stuff gets to you. I was too busy disconnecting myself from it all that I didn’t even think about how you felt. I’m sorry.” Shoto speaks softly, his head slightly hanging. He truly did feel bad, he should have realized you didn’t feel okay. It just never striked him as an issue until now.

“Please don’t apologize.” You croaked back to him, your throat sounding slightly raw.

Shoto sighed, crawling into your bed and at your side, before laying on his back to stare at the ceiling.

“You did amazing on that mission. She’s gonna be okay because of you, you know that, right?” Shoto offered. You curled up a bit more. Shoot, maybe not the right thing to say.

“I’m proud of you. And... I’m also here for you. I know things are rough, but... I want to share the weight. I know it’s not easy to open up all the time, but... Please try to talk to me. I want to help you.” He spoke softly, barely above a whisper. Again, he wasn’t the best with words, but... he was trying. It was all a shot in the dark for him.

With some more shuffling, he felt you huddle up into his side. He wrapped his arms around you gently as you rested your face in the crook of his neck.

The truth was, you cried all of your tears and threw all of your fits over the situation. You were tired, and you had barely anything left to give emotionally. Shoto knew how this felt to an extent, his internal emotional battery would occasionally run out of power here and there as well. This on the other hand was different. You weren’t the stoic type, so it didn’t go unnoticed.

It lasted a few days really, but within those few days, Shoto hardly left your side. He wasn’t annoying you, no, he was a bit of a reminder that you truly weren’t alone. He also reminded you to eat, shower, and so what and so on.

Shoto would tell you gentle stories of sweeter points in his childhood. some of the happy stories and good memories. You knew the background Shoto came from, so it was delightful to hear that an occasional ray of light came through the darkness for him.

Shoto would just... be in your presence. He didn’t want to leave you alone. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you or anything, no, but he just wanted to be able to feel you around him. For those handful of bad days you had, he’d do his homework and even sleep in your room just to keep an eye on you.

He wasn’t just lying around or anything, no. He was helpful, too. Knowing how mentally burnt out you were, he helped with your homework and even would fetch things for you, wether it be across the room or in the common room. His main thing just seemed to be keeping an eye on you and coaxing you out of sulking completely all day and actually eating and caring for yourself. He probably would have been willing to bathe you too if you would have let him.

Shoto spent probably half of his time trying to talk to you at least a little, always giving you some loving words of support. If you weren’t much for talking with him, he’d just sit in comfortable silence with you as he did other things. Neither of you minded this, it was nice to just... exist around one another for awhile. Nothing about it was unfulfilling or boring about it, it was nice to just have him around.

After you had gotten yourself in orders and back to your normal self, Shoto was a bit more attentive to your emotions.

It’s never been easy for him to process emotions, much less other people’s emotions. But he’s willing to learn for your sake. Just give him some time.

He often would ask how you are, and if you weren’t feeling well he’d ask if you wanted him around or not. He never took offense if you wanted some alone time, even if it made him worry a bit. But if you wanted him around, he’d usually be quiet and just exist in your presence. If he spoke he spoke quietly, and if he touched you he’d warn you first. He did most anything to keep you comfortable when you weren’t feeling well.

[sassysnowperson]

7, 28, 40, for the Star Wars asks

Hello hello, thank you for this! 

7 - If you could choose any profession to have in the GFFA, what would you be?

Oooh, I'm going to go with my first instinct on this one and say Jedi Archivist. I'm not going to pretend I don't want the superpowers possible in the universe. And if that comes with a Space Library? So much the better! Jocasta Nu is my hero, lets hear it for the badass librarians :D 

 28 -  If you could stop one character from doing one thing, who would it be and why?

Ohhhh, geez. Many things. All of the things. I suppose stopping Palpatine from existing is a little too obvious of a choice, hm? Putting aside that very appealing option, I think I'm going to go with stopping Qui-Gon from leaving Shmi on Tatooine. Lets keep her and her kid together! I dunno if it would actually keep Anakin from falling, but the idea of Shmi getting to hang out in the heart of power and try to keep her kid safe and happy is very appealing to me. And there's all sorts of interesting ways that AU could go.

40 - If you could make your own Star Wars trilogy/series, what would it be about?

Ooooooh, the POWER. So, to limit myself, I'm going to say I can't re-write the existing canon, otherwise I'd be just fix-it-ing all over the place. If I was actually going to tell an original story…. 

Hmmm, I'm thinking…yeah. Droid revolution! 

Lets play with this. Our protagonist is a plucky young former-First Order cleaning droid. They're freed from their life of First Order drudgery by the end of Rise of Skywalker, and wind up with their restraining bolt sliced off to wander the wider galaxy. 

(this got, um, long, with a fully-plotted trilogy, so we're just gonna put what's next below the cut)

Movie 1: 

Coming of Age story, but with the droid. Finding self, discovering purpose, going on journeys of self-discovery trying to find a place in the world. It's Harrowing. It's clear the world doesn't much like free droids. They try to find honest employment, succeed for a little bit. 

But then! They're captured by pirates or something and almost fitted with a restraining bolt but they fight their way free (probably through clever trickery or mechanical know-how)! BB-8 is inexplicably there and helping in some way. (Cameo for the merch and to put in the trailer!) They wind up finding a place in an all-droid ship crew and sail off for a life of wonder! 

Movie 2: 

The ship crew is now home, we spend a little time getting to know the whacky cast of characters. There's the protag. There's a massive battledroid that loves a fiberart of some kind. There's a Gonk-droid that's the crew's philosopher. There's one of those tiny tatooine podracer droids (DUM? Something like that? I'm not pulling up wookiepedia right now) that LOVES explosives. There's a wise mentor-figure astromech. The captain is literally the ship itself - some prototypical thing from the Clone Wars that wasn't decommissioned as well as anyone thought. They like each other, they're family. 

ANYWAY, after the lovely montage introducing everyone, they show them doing a job. The job goes smoothly, but after that, there's Tension. They have to pretend there's an organic around to get payment. And then, their worst nightmare - some Evil Person has learned there's a crew full of droids just ripe for claiming. And the law is on the Evil Person's side! How terrible. 

"We're not people," the wise mentor says. "We're salvage." 

They're on the Run. Then, they hear a tale. A Paradise, a place where droids are free. It's secret, and protected, and there's a Fancy Space Magic Map or something. The movie leans into being an action-adventure flick after that, a wild race towards the promised land, with the Evil Person that wants to enslave them hot on their heels. There is daring do! There are dramatic ship fights! 

And then - just as the Evil Person is on the verge of claiming them, they find the promised land! The promised land droids defeat the Evil Person. Finally, here is a whole city where droids can be free. Glory! We keep focused on the team for a bit, watching them settle in and realize they can survive without being soldiers. They get to be people, just people in a wonderful mechanical city. And THEN, just as they're HAPPY (with an indistinct amount of time passing so the fanfic writers can have a good time) in the last three minutes of the movie, you find out there is a LARGE FLEET bearing down on them. Oh no. They have been Found. SUSPENSE! 

Movie 3: 

Our plucky crew now have to Fight. We quickly meet the leadership of the Promised Land - a quiet Competent One, a Jaded old Soldier, and a Passionate Revolutionary (they are, of course, all droids).  There is a rising sense of despair. There is no place for droids in this world that is truly free. In the first third of the movie, they work out a mad plan to free the droids on the attacking fleet. It requires infiltrating the ship. Our crew do it. There is much Heroism. There are some sad thoughts about going back into battle when they thought that life was behind them. There are cool explosions. It works! The droids turn on their masters and now the Promised Land has a Fleet! 

Which, of course, is going to make its own problems. There is probably politics. A polite request from the New Republic to please give the fleet back, and they will guarantee the safety of the promised land. Oh, but of course, you will have to return all the droids you just freed from the ships. They belonged to the Corporate Sector, who funds most of our government, so we really need you to give them back. They weren't, after all, your property. 

There is a lot of agonized back and forth, but our Protagonist remains firm - no! The answer is no! We don't trade other's lives for our freedom. We have to fight! We might lose but we have to fight! And what better time than now, when we have a fleet! It is Very Inspirational. The Passionate Revolutionary on the council is on the Protagonist's side.

We're going to need to keep the fleet in fuel, says the Jaded Old Soldier. 

Well, it turns out, the Quiet Competent One says, most fuel stations are automated these days. By droids. As are most shipyards. There's more Heroic Action, slipping into a fueling station and freeing the droids, holding that and branching out to the shipyards, their fleet becoming stronger and stronger, the Corporate Sector responding in more and more force, until it comes down to an epic battle and they are strong but the Corporate Sector is stronger except...at the critical moment the ORGANIC CREW turns on the Corporate Sector. The droids realize suddenly that they are not fighting for their own survival, they are, apparently, liberators. 

The question remains: how do you build a good civilization for organic and mechanic alike? 

There's no easy answer, but it is a lot easier with the massive mines and resources of the corporate sector at their disposal.  The trilogy ends with our Protagonist attending a summit at the New Republic to graciously offer terms of political cooperation between the New Republic and the Free Droid Economic Collaboration. R2D2 is there. He says he's proud of the Protag. Protag is a little starstruck. Nothing is quite settled, but it is very hopeful, and isn't that what Star Wars is all about?

[trashyvirster]

Anyone else thinking about how Viren and Aarvos are literally reflections of each other??? When they first meet, they each have to look into the mirror, where they see the other, to communicate.

Okay, they look like complete opposites but hold on!

What does Viren see when he looks into the mirror and sees Aaravos? He probably sees a mysterious scholar, someone IMPORTANT, powerful, maybe dangerous and untrustworthy, elvish, the answer to his problems, a prisoner (well im assuming Viren thinks this lol) and...sexy.

Viren doesn’t see any of these traits within himself, but I think Viren stans would beg to differ! He may not have the mysterious allure of Aaravos, but he sure as hell keeps his secrets. No one seems to have any idea how much he loves Harrow. No one suspects he turned Harrow into the bird (okay that hasn’t been canonically confirmed but come on! The show would make no sense if it aint canon). No one knew, until now, that he kept the egg. And we currently don’t have any canon confirmation that Harrow even knows about Viren’s secret lair.

Everyone takes him at face value, they don’t realize just how deep his secrets and mysteries are.

Sure, Viren’s got insecurity issues and doesn’t think himself important (thanks Harrow) but the man literally saved 100k lives with his plan. And who was it that ultimately slayed Thunder? He’s probably the most famous mage since the first mage. Plot wise, Viren is arguably the protagonist of his own story, team Callum doesn’t need to exist to tell any of it! Harrow chose him to stand in the Kings portrait by his side. VIREN IS SO IMPORTANT AND HE’S SUCH A MESS HE DOESN’T REALIZE HIS OWN VALUE.

Dangerous and untrustworthy, check.

Elvish. Ah. The dragon prince twitter once asked a really weird question “anyone have any head canons that Viren is half elf?” What an odd question! I haven’t seen any fandom metas that Viren is half elf. Obviously, I doubt he is. But fans have noticed that his corruption is making his skin color, eyes and hair, the same as Aaravos. It’s almost like he’s mutating into a startouched.

Viren only thinks he needs Aaravos to solve his problems. He feels just as trapped in his situation as Aaravos physically is. And a lot of fans think he’s just as sexy as Aaravos!!

Oh and powerful?? I get it that dark magic is like “cheating”. But Viren is powerful. No, he’s not “magical”. But not just anyone can do what he can. Callum blacked out after just doing one black magic spell! Claudia fell on her knees and lost her breath after healing Soren. Black magic isn’t always easy or cheap. And this man freaking SLAYED THUNDER.

Whatever spell he used, probably would have killed any other mage. The mans a beast!

So yeah, I think he’s powerful! But once again, Viren doesnt recognize this quality in himself. But it’s there in his reflection......

Okay what about Aaravos? What does he see in Viren? LOLOLOLOL.

He probably sees a desperate man, heart broken, lonely, vulnerable. Curious and thirsty for power/magic. He sees a man frustrated at himself for not being able to accomplish his goals. Someone easily....influenced. And he sees a dark mage ready to do anything; the opportunity Aaravos has been waiting for.

It’s hard to say without Aaraovs’ backstory, but I think he fell in love with Elarion and whatever that story is, it’s gonna be tragic and ultimately lead to him being trapped in the mirror.

So yeah! I think he’s just as heart broken and desperate as Viren is. A startouch elf, doing some blood pact ritual with the first damn human to see him?? His need to hear Viren’s voice?? His offer of servitude?? His promise to stay with him even after Viren fails to escape??

Sure, Aaravos isn’t doing any of these things because he’s in love with Viren. No doubt he’s being manipulative. But his manipulation is born of fear; the fear of being cast out again as nothing. He insists on helping Viren because he needs to prove he’s useful, USEFUL. Not just to manipulate Viren, but because if he can’t prove how useful he is, he’s afraid he won’t see or hear from another soul for another 1k years.

Which makes sense why he would promise to stay with Viren even after Viren failed to escape rather than decide the human mage is useless to him. NO! Viren is still his only chance.

Frustrated at himself? You bet. Whatever Aaravos was trying to do 1k years ago, I think he failed. Viren thinks he’s frustrated?? He doesn’t know frustration lol.

I didn’t think much of it now, but these two idiots actually reflect each other and truly think the other is the answer to their problems. Its so poetic to have a mirror represent them!!

UNLESS THE WRITING IS FAILING ME AND NONE OF THIS TRUE...!!! WHY USE A MIRROR??

Knowing that they reflect each other means we can speculate where their character arcs are going. Their reflections should start to merge....Viren is gonna become more like Aaravos, POWERFUL, dangerous, someone who can change the fate of the world, and you know...not human!!

While Aaravos while finally lose his cool and have some epic emotional breakdown, because at the end of the day, he just wants to be with his lover again.

...just a thought....

And this is just viravos trash talking here, but what if Viren is the ONLY person who can see Aaravos because the magic that binded him has only one loophole....its a bloody mirror, only his own reflection can look back at him. His name is Viren.

[minijenn]

Universe Falls Chapter 53

Oy, finally I get around to posting this chapter on here. I feel like this one sucked my life essence away from me, but oh well it still has some really good moments to it so I digress. Either way, hope ya enjoy this massive nerd fest, filled with references to things I don’t understand as well as jokes making fun of all of us for reading/writing UF. Have fun!

Previous: http://minijenn.tumblr.com/post/173944483439/universe-falls-chapter-51

Chapter 53: Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons

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Though several days had passed since the portal’s opening had effectively raised the Mystery Shack and damaged it’s interior and exterior immensely, the tourist trap was still closed for repairs that were at last nearing their completion. Even so, its continued closure gave the Pines family a good enough excuse to take a day off and spend it however they pleased, which meant that it was being used for some proper rest and relaxation. Things that were more than welcome after the upheaval and drama of the past few days alone.

So Stan, Mabel, and Dipper had taken to hanging around the otherwise unoccupied gift shop, knowing that no business would be coming through it. While Dipper intently read journal 2 and Stan broadly leafed through the newspaper, Mabel lay sprawled on the floor, an empty bag of cheesy snacks by her side and the orange dust of their remains smeared across her face.

“I just ate an entire bag of Cheese Boodles without using my hands!” she announced with a wide, contented grin. “Lazy Tuesday, you are delivering in a big way! Almost makes me forget about all that crazy drama with the portal, and the Gems memories, and Sardonyx, and-” Mabel stopped short as she briefly glanced over at Dipper, who peered over the top of the journal to give her a staunch look of disapproval for even bringing such tension-ridden matters at all. Fortunately enough though, Stan didn’t bother to comment on any of them, despite the look of concern that briefly flashed across his face before he spoke up.

“Heh, yeah,” the conman reclined back in his seat with a casual enough smile. “Its nice to finally have a day where nothing interesting happens whatsoever.”

Of course, no sooner had Stan said this than the vending machine door leading to the portal room in the basement suddenly burst open. Ford boldly stepped out of it amidst the smoke pouring out around him, his manner fierce and resilient as he tried to subdue the small, strange, octopus like creature entangled around his wrist.

“Get down!” the author ordered above the startled gasps of his family members, especially as the creature launched itself off his arm. “Don’t let it taste human flesh!”

The kids were quick to comply, narrowly dodging the bizarre creature as it scurried around the gift shop frantically, angrily hissing all the while. “W-what is it?” Dipper asked as he climbed onto a chair, both alarmed and curious by such a strange sight.

“Can we keep it?” Mabel asked with a genuinely fascinated grin.

“Kill it! Kill it!” Stan shouted, swatting the monster with his newspaper as it skittered past him.

Ford paid none of them much mind as he deftly pursued the creature, electricity sparking from the futuristic gauntlet on his right hand as he finally managed to corner the beast. “Patience… and…” the author muttered, his movements slow and calculated as he made his approach on the still-growling monster. When it finally seemed like the monster was about to make a move, however, Ford countered it first, pouncing at the beast and easily shocking it into submission using his gauntlet. “Gotcha!” he proclaimed with a triumphant grin as he held the monster’s limp, tentacled form up for the others to see. “Haha! Now that I’m back in this dimension, I’ll have to thank Garnet for inspiring the design of the design of my electro-gauntlet. It works even better than I expected it to!”

“Great, now get that thing outta here,” Stan remarked with an impatient scowl as Ford passed him. “It smells like if death could barf.”

“Wait! Great Uncle Ford!” Dipper hurried up to the author with an eager smile, still holding onto journal 2. “Do you need any help with that? I’ve read all about these creatures in your journal and I think I know how to-”

“No!” Ford quickly interupted, his manner firm but fair as he addressed his nephew. “I’m sorry, Dipper, but the weird, dark road I travel, I’m afraid you cannot follow.” A beat of stark, rather ominous silence followed this, though the author was quick to break it a moment later with an upbeat smile as he retreated back into the basement. “Well, call me for dinner!”

“Oh, maybe next time then?” Dipper offered, though his smile quickly faltered as the vending machine closed up once more, Ford disappearing behind it. “O-or not. Or never…”

“Aw, Dipper, don’t take it so hard,” Mabel attempted to comfort her brother by placing a hand on his shoulder, only for Stan to callously interject.

“No, do take it hard!” the conman snapped coldly. “Take it hard and serious. My brother is a dangerous know-it-all, and the stuff he’s messing with is even worse. I’ve been pretty lenient about letting you kids hang around the Gems all summer, but Ford is where I draw the line. Do yourself a favor and stay away from him, ya hear me?”

“But Grunkle Stan,” Dipper protested intently, not about to let himself be deterred from asking Ford his abundance of accumulating questions any longer. “All summer long I’ve wanted to know who the author of the journals was. Now the guy lives in our basement and I can’t even talk to him. How is that fair?”

“Life’s not fair, kid,” Stan remarked, rolling his eyes. “Don’t worry about what’s in the basement. I’d say you saw more than enough of it the other day… A-anyway, you belong up here with me and Mabel.”

“Yeah! Besides, this Friday is the epic made-for-TV movie crossover event of the century,” Mabel smiled brightly as she held up the TV guide ad for said crossover. “Dogcopter Meets Ducktective! Steven’s coming over to watch it with us, we’re all gonna wear our official Dogcopter propeller hats, its gonna be great! It’ll be all the mystery and adventure you’ll need this week!”

“You bet it will be!” Stan remarked, just as eager for the special as his niece was. “For years we’ve been wanting to see that duck and that dog cross paths and now our dreams are finally about to come true! It better live up to our expectations or else I’ll… I, uh… huh. What do kids nowadays do when they wanna complain about something?”

“Usually they just do it online and make long whiny posts about how things didn’t turn out the way they wanted to and why the writers are wrong for not doing things their way,” Mabel noted with a shrug.

“Really? Geez, how pathetic.”

As Stan and Mabel continued commiserating over their excitement about the upcoming crossover, Dipper had all but checked out of the conversation entirely in favor of turning his attention back towards the vending machine. Unknown, but intriguing light sparked through the cracks behind it, no doubt part of whatever mysterious invention or project Ford was likely working on down in the basement below. Whatever was going on on the other side of that door, Dipper couldn’t help but want to be a part of it, or at the very least finally get the chance to finally ask Ford the questions he had been asking all summer. To finally be on the same level with someone who understood just how important and vital it was to ask those questions in the first place. To finally have the opportunity to get perspective on the elusive and exciting mysteries of Gravity Falls from someone who had spent years studying them firsthand and was enthralled by their bizarre uniqueness as much as he was.

And yet… as it stood, he couldn’t. Because just as he had been all summer, the author of the journals, or rather, his very own great uncle, was still so close but so far out of his reach.

Whenever Mabel wrote a letter home to her and Dipper’s parents, she made sure to spare no expense when it came to the finer details of their fantastical, often rather harrowing summer escapades in Gravity Falls. Of course, given Mabel’s infamously active imagination and how bizarre and flowery her accounts of such misadventures usually were, their parents never showed any signs of taking too much stock in believing her stories in their responses. Even so, that didn’t stop her from writing about them all the same, and in her latest letter to them, she had much to tell indeed.

“Dear Mom and Dad,” Mabel began, dictating the letter aloud as she sat on the living room floor to write it out. “We’ve been in Gravity Falls for the few months and so much has happened! Just the other day, gravity reversed itself, almost destroying the whole universe and wrecking the whole town!”

At that moment, Mabel happened to glance up at the TV, which was playing a fitting report on the damage the portal’s opening had caused throughout Gravity Falls as a whole. “Well, they say it was just an earthquake,” Lazy Susan said as she stood outside of Greasy’s Diner as a crane was attempting to set it back into its normal position. “But you know what I think? I think I’m gonna have to start serving pineapple upside-right cake! Haha, am I right? …Am I right?”

As the crane ended up clumsily dropping the diner, the shot cut to Mayor Dewey giving a speech downtown. “Good people of Gravity Falls!” the mayor addressed the crowd before him somewhat anxiously. “I-I know that throughout this summer, our fair town here has been plagued by a serious of, er… uh, mishaps. Like this recent mysterious earthquake… or that giant hand-shaped spaceship coming a few weeks ago… or that giant robot ordeal a few weeks before that… or the lake being stolen a few weeks before that… or that scary red eyeball appearing in the sky a few weeks before that…” Dewey paused, a concerned frown crossing his features as a beat of awkward silence passed through the crowd in light of this derailment off topic. “Wait, what was I talking about again?”

As the news report continued, Mabel turned her attention back to her letter, eager to detail the most recent happenings to her parents. “But the coolest part of the summer was when Grunkle Stan’s twin brother came out of this portal-thingy. Now we have two grunkles for the price of one! And they are adorable together!” Upon finishing her letter, Mabel drew a sketch of both Stan and Ford, their expressions surly and grumpy though they were still peacefully holding hands all the same.

“Hi, Mabel!” Steven greeted with a smile as he entered the shack a moment later. “What are you up to?”

“Hiya, Steven! I was just finishing up a letter to my parents about all the stuff that’s been going on around here,” Mabel explained, holding said letter up. “Though at this rate, with so many huge things going on lately, I think its gonna be longer than I anticipated…”

“Yeah, things have been… pretty intense lately…” Steven noted, his smile dissipating as he rubbed his arm and looked to the side. “Garnet and Pearl still haven’t talked to each other after the whole… ya know, Sardonyx thing, and I’m pretty sure none of the Gems are still really over getting their memories back… I just hope that everything will sort itself out and things can finally get back to normal again soon…”

“I’m sure they will,” Mabel reassured with a bright smile, one that was soon accompanied by a newfound rush of warmth in her cheeks as she glanced down at the young Gem’s hand, which happened to be right within her reach as he stood not too far away from her. Really, it would have been so very easy to reach out and take it in an act of solace and comfort given his downcast manner. And perhaps she would have worked up the nerve to do so too… if her brother hadn’t ended up rushing in right before she could get the chance.

“Mabel! Steven!” Dipper exclaimed as he entered the room, carrying a rather large box. “You’ll never guess what I found at the store today!”

“It looks like… a box,” Steven ventured, his small smile returning.

“Dogs!” Mabel exclaimed, forcing herself to perk up. “Dogs with hats!”

“No,” Dipper shook his head, opening the box up only to reveal another, much more decorated box inside of it, which he held up for the pair to see. “It’s my favorite fantasy-talking, level-counting, statistics and graph-paper involving game of all time: Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons! Do you guys wanna play it with me?”

“Well… I do like unicorns,” Mabel noted as she looked over the game’s intricate fantastical box art. “And that hot elf looks promising.”

“Yeah, it looks like it’s a lot of fun, like Sugar Country, or Hint!” Steven chimed in. “How do you play?”

“The rules are super simple,” Dipper assured as he opened the game’s surprisingly large instruction booklet. “First you roll a 38-sided die to determine the level of each player’s statistical analysis poweroid. These orbs relate directly to the amount of quadrants your team as dominion over, which is inverse to the anti-quadrants in your quadrant satchel.”

A beat of stilted silence passed in the aftermath of this rather daunting explanation as Steven and Mabel exchanged an equally bewildered look, neither of them needing to communicate to each other that they had next to no idea what Dipper was talking about. “Uh… w-well that… that sounds, uh…” Steven’s uncertain stumbling soon devolved into exactly what he really felt. “…I’ll be honest, I have no idea what any of that meant…”

“Ok, ok, so after we do all that confusing stuff,” Mabel interjected with a wave of her hand. “Then so we get to ride unicorns?”

“Yes!” Dipper nodded, much to his sister’s excitement, which dissipated almost immediately after he continued. “And… no. First, we make a graph.”

“Ugh, this is like Homework the Game…” Mabel groaned, any interest she might have had in the game completely gone upon hearing this.

“Oh come on, you guys, its not that bad,” Dipper retorted. “Just try it for a round or two. You never know, you might have fun.”

“Ew, how can you even mention fun in the same sentence as all that gross math you gotta do just to play the dang game?” Mabel asked, sticking her tongue out in disdain.

“Well, I’d try it, Dipper, but I think it’s just a little too… complicated for me,” Steven said with sincerity. “And by complicated I mean I’d probably get a headache just trying to figure out how to set the game up…”

“I think most normal people would, Steven,” Mabel remarked, crossing her arms.

Dipper let out a small huff of aggravation at this slight, but even so, he persisted in trying to convince them. “W-well once you get going, its easy,” he assured, even if that wasn’t exactly the truth. After all, Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons was notorious for taking an extensive amount of time and dedication to learn how to play properly, but as far as Dipper was concerned, neither Steven nor Mabel needed to know that. “Besides, I need at least two people to play, so could one of you just-”

“Oh, would you look at that!” Mabel exclaimed with faux surprise as Soos happened to enter the room, giving her leeway to flee to the other side of the den. “Two people!”

“Well wait, with Steven standing here, doesn’t that technically make three?” Soos asked, unaware of the previously unfolding conversation. “Or are we using some kind of new counting system here that I don’t know about.”

“Uh, no…” Dipper frowned, slightly confused before getting back to the matter at hand. “But anyway, Soos, is there any way you’d be up for a little game of D, D, and More D?”

“Aw, sorry, Dipper,” the handyman said, truthfully apologetic. “But I don’t really go for that pen and paper kind of stuff. I’m more of an FCLORPer.”

“…A what?”

“FCLORP,” Soos reiterated with a proud grin. “Foam and Cardboard Legitimate Outdoor Role Play. It is where a passionate brethren of craftsman bring their dreams to magical reality!”

“Oh, I think I’ve heard of that,” Steven spoke up, intrigued. “Isn’t that where everyone dresses up in cardboard costumes and fights each other with foam swords? Now that sounds like fun!”

“It totally is, dude,” Soos readily agreed. “You should see us when we break the plastic ball pit balls out. That’s when things really get intense!”

“Uh… well, thanks anyway, Soos,” Dipper said, still rather disappointed that he had no one to play with. Or so it seemed, until Stan walked in.

“Say,” the conman began with an already goading smirk as he noticed the game box his nephew was holding. “Is that the game that’s mostly math and writing and isn’t anything like the picture on the box?”

“Yes, it is!” Dipper said with newfound excitement. “You wanna play it with me, Grunkle Stan?”

“Ha, as if!” Stan laughed rather mockingly as he grabbed the rule book. “Look, kid, I prefer to do my dice rolling in Vegas. Besides, only a game designed by nerds would have ‘charisma’ as a fantasy power. Heh, and check this out,” he turned to a random page in the rule book and began reading out loud callously. “When facing yon adversaries, shield thyself under an elfin buttress.”

“Ha!” Mabel chuckled, thoroughly amused. “Say it again!”

“Buttress!” Stan repeated before both him and Mabel broke down into a round of teasing laughter over the game’s rather self-indulgent manner.

“Hey!” Dipper protested petulantly, taking the rule book back amidst his somewhat flustered embarrassment.

“Aw, come on, you guys,” Steven interjected, clearly sympathetic for Dipper, though he still didn’t really get the jist of the game himself. “Just because this game isn’t really for us, doesn’t mean you have to be so mean about it.”

“Yeah, what Steven said,” Dipper staunchly and crossly agreed. “Heck, maybe you guys just aren’t smart enough to understand it.”

“Uh… actually I think that kinda undermined what I was just trying to say…” Steven noted, though both him and Dipper were overpowered by more bemused laughter from Stan and Mabel.

“Heh, sorry, dude,” Soos remarked to Dipper, somewhat caught up in the round of levity himself. “But it is kind of nerdy. Well, I’m off to lay siege to a goblin fortress.” At this, the handyman girded himself with a sloppily made cardboard helmet and sword before boldly running off to begin his FCLORPing quest. “To my grandma’s backyard!”

Since Dipper had been unable to find any human opponents to play Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons with, he decided to resort to the next best thing he could think of. Which was how he ended up setting the game board up outside the shack facing off in a less than exciting round of the game against Gompers the goat.

“Oh nice! You rolled a 17!” Dipper said with something of a forced grin after he himself rolled the die for the goat, who only let out a dull bleat in response. “Aaaand… this is sad. Maybe I should just go back to obsessing over Wendy again…”

Dipper let out something of a defeated sigh as he leaned back away from the board, unable to keep himself from feeling just the slightest bit lonely. True, he had reconciled with Mabel and Steven following the portal incident and they were all once again on even ground with each other, as they should have been. And yet, for whatever reason, he still felt somewhat distanced from the pair, almost as if remnants of that unsavory tension were lingering behind even still. Their unanimous rejection of his invitation to play Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons with him did make sense; after all, Dipper knew just how complicated the game must come across to the outsider looking in. And yet, the fact that neither of them really seemed very interested in learning how to play it, even if for nothing more than his sake, spoke volumes to him about exactly how much support they were willing to give him. It was abundant in times of tribulation, when they all found that they needed to lean on each other to remain standing strong; but in the smaller, quieter moments, that solidarity was, disappointingly enough, nowhere to be found.

As lost in pensive thought as he was, Dipper didn’t even notice that Gompers had gotten ahold of his 38-sided die until the goat attempted to munch down on it, much to his sudden alarm. “Hey! Give that back!” Dipper ordered, attempting to retrieve the die only for Gompers to maintain his surprisingly firm hold on it. “C’mon, Gompers, let go!” With another heavy pull back, the goat finally released the die, only for it to go flinging back past Dipper and roll under the nearby porch instead. “Ugh, seriously?” Dipper muttered to himself in exasperation as he crawled over to retrieve it. However, right after he had slipped under the porch and began reaching around for the die, the loose soil near the base of the house unexpectedly shifted, crumbling apart right underneath him. Before he could even think to catch himself, Dipper suddenly found himself falling through the newly created opening, passing through several beams and cobwebs before roughly hitting the basement floor. While somewhat shaken, fortunately he didn’t seem to be injured as he began to slowly pick himself up and finally reclaim the elusive 32-sided die, which just so happened to be sitting right next to the now-contained monster Ford had defeated in the gift shop earlier. Even so, Dipper made sure to take care in reaching for the die, lest he aggravate the dangerous creature, only to be abruptly halted right before he could reach it.

“Dipper! Stop!”

“G-Great Uncle Ford!” Dipper exclaimed, startled as he spun around to face the author, who looked far from pleased to see his nephew down in his off-limits lab.

“What did I say about coming down here?” Ford admonished, hands on his hips. “My work is far too dangerous for a single living soul to spend even one second—Wait! Is that a 38-sided die from Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons?”

“Uh, yeah…” Dipper frowned, somewhat bewildered as he reclaimed the die and held it up for the author to see. “You know that game?”

Ford briefly smirked at this, his manner turning bold as he began to recite the game’s iconic tagline. “With pen and paper, shield and sword-”

“Our quest shall be our just reward!” Dipper joined in just as excitably before joining his uncle in a bout of bemused laughter.

“This is my favorite game in the whole multiverse!” Ford exclaimed, still grinning brightly. “I can’t believe they still make it!”

“They do! And I’ve been looking all day for someone to play it with me,” Dipper said, though his enthusiasm briefly turned to hesitation out of fear of pressing his luck with the author like he had a few days ago. “But uh, i-if you’re too busy to, I totally understand. In fact, I should probably just-”

“Dipper, my boy,” Ford interjected, placing a hand on his nephew’s shoulder before he could depart. “Do you know what this means? We must stop everything I’ve been working on at once… and play!”

Upon hearing this, Dipper couldn’t hold back a small gasp of excited surprise, knowing that the last person he had expected to gain as a welcome opponent for Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons was the author of the journals himself. However, before the pair could get to playing, the octopus creature suddenly broke free from its containment unit, launching itself at Ford and latching onto his face. The author upheld his chipper smile though as he simply tore the creature off is face, which had received a rather alarming series of burns from the monster’s somewhat toxic touch. “That’s… going to leave a mark.”

Seeing as how Steven was just as big of a fan of both Ducktective and Dogcopter as Mabel and Stan were, he eagerly joined them in preparing for the long-awaited crossover between the two properties the following day. All three of them wanted to make sure that they had the ultimate viewing experience; after all, it wasn’t every day that two such incredibly loved characters and universes came together in such a unique and exciting way.

“Ok, so it looks like we’ve got everything we need to watch the Ducktective/Dogcopter crossover tomorrow,” Mabel said as her and Steven looked over the massive mountain of snacks they had accumulate. “I even made mouth-ramps so we can pour food into our mouths without taking our eyes off the screen!” She showed one of the mouth ramps she had created off, a cardboard box filled to the brim with food with a small ramp stuck onto the side, before readily demonstrating how it worked, which was surprisingly well.

“I brought my Ducktective and Dogcopter collectable figurines down here with me so they can be part of this historic event!” Steven proclaimed as he held the figures up. “Ironically enough, I already had these two sitting next to each other on my shelf, so in a way its kinda like I almost predicted them meeting up for real like this!”

“And I used some spare taxidermied parts to mash the two of them up together the flying mystery solver: Dogtectuckcopter!” Stan proclaimed, holding the rather nightmarish amalgamation of fake duck and fake dog he had created up.

“Whoa! Its like a fusion…” Steven mused in amazement.

“Only a super messed up one!” Mabel laughed, amused. “Dipper would love that!”

“Heh, yeah, where is the little squirt anyway?” Stan asked, briefly glancing around for his apparently missing nephew. “I haven’t seen him all afternoon.”

Completely unbeknownst to the group upstairs, Dipper was merely in the basement below them with Ford, just as he had been ever since he had accidentally fallen down there. Since both of them were very well acquainted with the intricate rules of Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons, they had wasted no time in setting the game up and getting their campaign started. And as was usually the case with the fast-paced high fantasy game, it didn’t take very long for said campaign to build up to the epic (albeit imaginary) intensity it was known for.

“Alright,” Ford began, deftly passing the 38-sided die between his fingers as he laid out the ongoing scenario for his nephew. “You’ve entered the chamber. Princess Unattainabelle beckons you. But wait! It’s a trap! An illusion cast by Probabilitor the Annoying.”

“You know his weakness, right?” Dipper asked with a knowing smirk before they both proclaimed said weakness in unison.

“Prime statistical anomalies over 37 but not exceeding 51!” The pair exclaimed in unison as Dipper rolled the die, fortunately landing on exactly that.

“Aha! Yes!” he cheered brightly as he progressed along in the game past Probabilitor. “Take that, you cardboard wizard!”

“Hm. The old boy looks quite a bit different than he did back in my day,” Ford noted with a nostalgic smile as he looked over the wizard’s in-game artwork.

“Yeah, they change the art every few years,” Dipper said. “Thankfully you missed the period when the creators of the game tried to make it ‘cooler’ by painting everything neon and making the characters rap spells instead of just saying them. It must have been dark times, those 90s.”

“Yeesh,” Ford remarked with a bemused grin as he rolled his eyes. “Sounds like a good time to be stuck between dimensions.”

Upon hearing this, Dipper took pause, his focus on the ongoing game waning somewhat in favor of something he hadn’t really thought much about since him and Ford had begun playing. Something that was admittedly a good deal more important than scouring fake dungeons and defeating fictional wizards. “Great Uncle Ford,” he began evenly enough, hoping that would help him finally answers this time. “I’ve been meaning to ask you… Where were you before you came out of that machine? And… what have you been doing down here these past few days? Are you working on something behind that curtain?” he nodded towards the curtain covering the window that led to the portal’s cavernous chamber, which was now intentionally kept out of sight for whatever reason.

A bout of uneasy hesitation crossed the author’s expression at such pertinent inquiries, and upon that alone, Dipper’s hopes for getting any concrete answers abruptly sank. Of course, they only ended up sinking even further when Ford all but confirmed he had no intentions of giving any. “Dipper, its best if you and the family stay away from that subject…” he replied, casting a brief, somewhat worried glance behind him. “Honestly, I’m not sure any of you could handle the real answer.”

For a moment, Dipper wanted to argue that he could handle it. That, based on everything he had been through during the past several months alone, he could understand and comprehend whatever was lying in wait beyond that curtain. That he wasn’t just the naive, innocent kid that Ford no doubt took him for upon a first glance. But in the end, he knew that arguing the opposite would likely prove exactly that, which was why he decided to pursue an entirely different tangent instead. “Well… what about the Gems?” he asked, glancing aside. “You guys did used to work together way back when, right? Does that mean you’re gonna let them in on, um… everything?”

Once again, Ford hesitated, his manner clearly remorseful and conflicted even as he answered, despite his relative discomfort with the topic in general. “Under normal circumstances, I… might have, but my current relationship with the Gems is somewhat… uneasy, so to speak,” he explained as eloquently as he could. “It’ll take some time before things between all of us will even remotely resemble how they used to be, especially since Rose is… no longer around. In a way, I suppose that the falling out between us all was my fault…” The author paused, his expression sad as he let out a small sigh before shaking his head to clear it. “B-but even if everything was smooth sailing between myself and the Gems, to my understanding, now really wouldn’t be the best time to bother them with external affairs. I hear they’ve been having plenty of problems all their own lately…”

“Oh yeah…” Dipper agreed with a concerned frown. “Things have been pretty tense between the Gems ever since they got their memories back, but Pearl lying to Garnet so they could fuse into Sardonyx really didn’t help anything.”

“So that’s what happened,” Ford mused thoughtfully. “To be perfectly honest, I can’t really blame Pearl for going to such… extensive lengths. I can only imagine how losing Rose might have effected her in particular.”

“From the way she always talks about Rose, it seems like the two of them were pretty close,” Dipper noted.

“They were very close,” the author smirked somewhat nostalgically at this. “It’s part of the reason why Pearl didn’t really care for me too much for me when Rose and I first became research partners. That is, until…” Ford trailed off as he glanced down at the gameboard still sitting between them, a small, brief chuckle escaping him before he diverted away from it. “Well, never mind. I’ll save that story for another time. Certainly things between the Gems will work themselves out in the end.”

Though it seemed as though Ford intended on getting back to the game, Dipper didn’t exactly want to leave it at that, especially as he happened to remember something, or rather someone, that he had regrettably not thought too much about since before the portal opened. And now, given that he was sitting right across from the wise author of the journals himself, he figured now was a good a time as any to finally, hopefully, get some help with it. “Uh… speaking of things working out…” he began rather tentatively. “Great Uncle Ford, you’ve studied a lot of Gem stuff, right?”

“But of course,” Ford said with a somewhat proud grin. “The mysteries of Gemkind were always a highlight of my research. In fact, if I had had the time, I would have started a fourth journal completely dedicated to Gem-related topics. And… depending on how things turn out, I might still run with that idea in the future perhaps… hm…”

“Um, yeah, s-so… did you ever figure out a way to, uh… split a really unhealthy, really dangerous fusion up?” Dipper asked anxiously, trying his best to mask how desperate he really was for a ‘yes’ to this longtime question.

Yet a ‘yes’ wasn’t what Ford gave him, at least not right away as he instead looked to his nephew with slight concern. “Why do you ask?”

“W-well….” Dipper began, unsure of how to really explain this story in a way that wouldn’t remind him of how painful it really was. But upon realizing that was nigh impossible, he decided to just get on with it anyway, knowing that if Ford really did hold a solution, then that pain would be more than worth it in the end. “Near the beginning of the summer, Steven, Mabel, and I met this Gem named Lapis Lazuli. We helped her out and then she went away for a while, but when she came back, me and her hung out a lot and… w-well I guess you could say we became pretty close friends. But then… these two Gems from Homeworld showed up: Peridot and Jasper. They tried to take Steven and the Gems back with them, but we ended up stopping them and crashing their ship near the lake, and it seemed like everything was going to be ok, until…” Dipper trailed, off hesitating as he stared at the ground in front of him as he realized that, even though weeks had passed since that fateful, awful dawn on the lake’s shores, the reality of what had happened there still hadn’t gotten any easier to swallow. “U-until Jasper… forced Lapis to fuse with her so she could take all of us out. So they fused into this huge, powerful monster of a fusion named Malachite, b-but before they could attack us, Lapis took control and dragged them both into the lake, a-and… and she’s been stuck down there ever since. She’s keeping herself trapped down there and fighting Jasper pretty much every second of every day just to keep us safe… to keep me safe…”

Though Ford had been silent for the sake of intently listening to his nephew’s solemn tale up until this point, upon noticing the tears just starting to well up in Dipper’s eyes, he found he could keep quiet no longer. “Dipper…” he began gently, only to be quickly interupted.

“It’s all my fault…” Dipper muttered, the guilt in his tone palpable as he wiped his eyes dry. “And the worst part of it is, I have no idea how to save her, but I have to. I owe it to her, and e-even besides that, she doesn’t deserve to be trapped again. And that’s why… I-I was hoping maybe you could maybe help me with that?” he asked, looking to Ford with almost pleading sincerity. “The Gems have been too busy with trying to track Peridot down to do anything about this, b-but if you know how to split a fusion like Malachite up, then we could finally free Lapis!”

Ford’s expression was already full of both sympathy and remorse before he even said anything. And when he speak up on the matter as his nephew eagerly awaited his response, he decided to be completely honest; after all, there was really no point in being anything else on a subject as sensitive as this. “Dipper, I… I’m sorry,” the author began evenly, yet sincerely. “Most of my research concerning Gem fusions tended to focus more on how they were formed and functioned rather than how they fell apart. So… suffice to say my knowledge on the topic is rather… limited, at best.”

“O-oh…” Dipper was unable to hold back a disappointed sigh upon hearing this, knowing that, as usual, he was right back to square one when it came to freeing Lapis from her watery prison. “Ok, I understand… thanks anywa-”

“However,” Ford interjected with a small smile of reassurance. “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be willing to figure the solution to such a complicated problem out. After all, I’d like to think that working through the impossible is something I have a certain knack for.”

“So… you’ll help?” Dipper asked, a sense of rising hope filling him.

“Yes,” the author confirmed, his smile widening. “It might not be an easy task, but I promise, I’ll do anything I can to help you rescue her.”

“Oh my gosh! Thank you so much, Great Uncle Ford!” Dipper caught Ford quite off guard with an unexpected hug, one that the author awkwardly returned as he realized just how important this matter apparently was to his nephew. Which was why, for whatever reason, he felt a strong obligation to keep the promise he had just made, no matter how difficult doing so might prove to be. “Oh! Uh, s-sorry!” Dipper exclaimed, clearly flustered as he broke away from the hug.

“Don’t be,” Ford assured with a small laugh. Even so, the author paused for a beat, knowing that while they couldn’t exactly do much to save Lapis at that very moment, there was perhaps something he could do to help raise his nephew’s no doubt still lowered spirits, even if it would be a rather small attempt at best. “You know… while I can’t tell you much about where I’ve been the past 30 years, I can show you something I brought back with me.” The author’s grin turned wry as he reached into a small pouch tied to his belt and fished out a tiny, unassuming black box, which he opened to reveal something quite incredible. Upon a first glance, it seemed to be a many-sided die, the same kind that was often used in Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons, yet this one was quite different in many ways. Firstly, its crystalline surface emitted a faint, almost magical glow, but even more fascinating was the fact that the various cryptic symbols on its many sides seemed to be in a state of continual flux, constantly shifting and changing on their own accord to the point that the same symbol rarely ever appeared twice. “An infinity-sided die,” Ford proclaimed, quite proud of such a rare interdimensional find.

“Whoa…” Dipper gasped, his eyes wide with amazement as he looked to the special game piece. “That’s so cool! And… impossible!”

“These things are outlawed in 9,000 dimensions,” Ford explained, clearly just as excited as his nephew was. “You wanna know why? Look at those symbols. Infinite sides means infinite outcomes. If I rolled it, anything could happen. Our faces could melt into jelly, the world could turn into an egg, or… you could just roll an 8. Who knows? That’s why I have to keep it in this protective cheap plastic case. Now, let’s get back to the game! You’ve got Probabilitor on the ropes, though his power level ranks far above yours. You’d need to be accompanied by a level 19 paladin at least in order to get past him.”

“Ugh, of course,” Dipper groaned in exasperation. “If only we had one more player. That would make this so easy!”

“Hm…. Another player, you say?” the author mused, glancing down to the game board, or more particularly, an image of a knight in the background of its artwork. He had considered this idea earlier, when Dipper had first invited him to play Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons with him, in fact, but the author had put the thought aside for obvious reasons. Though now, after giving it a little more thought and with the opportunity that had just presented itself, perhaps it wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all. “I think I know just the Gem…”

Pearl let out a small, sad sigh as she sat on the living room couch, her hands folded neatly in her lap as she stared down at them solemnly. Only about a day had passed since Garnet had discovered her deception, and as far as the white Gem knew, nothing had changed concerning her leader’s disposition concerning the situation. Or rather, concerning the massive, rather inexcusable mistake she herself had committed against her. A mistake that, despite Pearl’s best efforts, she had been completely unable to distract herself from. Not that she thought she really deserved to have a break from the memory of her wrongdoing anyway; as far as she was concerned, she deserved to carry the oppressive weight of this guilt around with her. After all, it was only fair after she had absolutely betrayed the trust of someone she respected and cared for as much as Garnet.

And so, in light of the unsteady relations between the team and a lack of any pressing missions, Pearl expected that her day would be rather uneventful as a whole. What she hadn’t been expecting, however, was for both Dipper and Ford to suddenly show up at the temple quite out of nowhere.

“Uh, hey, Pearl,” Dipper greeted somewhat tentatively as he entered the temple first.

“Oh, hello, Dipper!” Pearl replied with a warm smile that quickly fell as Ford followed in after him. “And… Stanford… What a surprise…”

“G-greetings, Pearl,” Ford offered a somewhat awkward smile and wave, one that Pearl met rather coldly, as he had honestly been expecting she would. “I simply came by to—I mean, we came by to see if you wanted to… o-or rather, if you had the time to join us in… I mean-”

“We wanted to see if you were up to playing a game with us,” Dipper interjected, getting the point across much more concisely than Ford could in his apparent discomfort in interacting with the white Gem in light of recent events.

“A game?” Pearl tilted her head in confusion as she looked between the pair skeptically. “… What kind of game?”

Ford was quick to properly collect himself at this, a small grin crossing his features as he took a small step forward and presented Pearl with a 38-sided die. “You wouldn’t by chance happen to remember Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons, would you?”

Pearl was unable to contain a gasp of surprise at this, a brief smile of excitement coming along with it, though she was quick to press it away. “I-I… I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she claimed, crossing her arms as she sharply glanced away. “I’ve never even heard of… what was it again? Dungeons—something? W-well, whatever it is, I’m sure its completely ludicrous and not at all engaging or immersive or anything of the like.”

“Oh, but don’t you remember, Pearl?” Ford asked, raising an eyebrow. “30 years ago, you and used to spend many a night embroiled in epic rounds of slaying ogres and challenging each other with labyrinthine dungeons and quadratic equations. I always used to think it was a treasured pastime between the two of us. You know, after you stopped thinking I was competing against you for Rose.”

Upon hearing this lightly teasing jab, Pearl let out an appalled scoff, her cheeks lighting up in a blue blush as she glared away hotly. Dipper on the other hand, was quite surprised to hear this news. “You guys used to play D, D, and More D together?” he asked curiously.

“N-no!” Pearl exclaimed, though at the very same time, Ford offered his own enthusiastic response.

“All the time!” the author assured brightly.

“W-well, I certainly don’t remember anything of the sort!” the white Gem protested crossly.

“Perhaps you just haven’t managed to recall those memories yet?” Ford theorized thoughtfully.

“Yeah! Maybe playing the game will end up jogging your memory of it!” Dipper suggested, offering the white Gem a hopeful smile.

“I… don’t think so, Dipper,” Pearl denied gently enough, not wanting to upset her pupil, though it seemed as though she didn’t have the same consideration for the author. “After all, I have much more… important matters to attend to… You can see yourselves out.” And with that, the white Gem abruptly turned on her heel to head towards the temple gate, her arms still folded as she resisted the urge to turn back around, even as Dipper and Ford continued conversing.

“Aw man… how am I gonna get past Probabilitor now?” Dipper asked, clearly disappointed by Pearl’s rejection.

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out,” Ford reassured, placing a hand on his nephew’s shoulder. “Still, it really is a shame… Pearl is one of the best players I’ve ever met. After only a few hours of me explaining the game to her, she had already managed to catch up to me in almost all of her categories. And don’t even get me started on her incredible strategic abilities! One time, we were cornered against four ice dragons with essentially no magic left between either of us, and she managed to beat them back and get us out of that dungeon in only seven rolls! It was spectacular!”

“If I recall correctly…” Pearl suddenly interjected, glancing over her shoulder with a hint of a wry expression on her face. “It was five ice dragons in six rolls… Though of course,” the white Gem turned fully, finally cracking a bit of a sardonic smile. “I could be wrong. After all, my memory might still be a little hazy…”

“Well, regardless of the specifics, your tactics still were always very impressive back in the day,” Ford professed with a fond, genuine smile.

“But of course they were,” the white Gem shrugged, smirking. “After all, I learned such tactics in the uproarious intensity of an actual battlefield thousands of years ago. Applying those strategies to theoretical monsters and warlocks really isn’t that different when you think about it.”

At this, neither Pearl nor Ford could hold back a shared warm laugh, one that seemed to spark up the playful camaraderie they used to share in the past, one that they now both fully seemed to remember. And upon seeing things starting to repair themselves between the pair, Dipper felt inspired enough to present his initial offer to the white Gem yet again. “So… does this mean you’ll play with us?” he asked, hopeful.

Pearl took pause, hesitating briefly as she remembered that she deserved no such distraction from the mistake she had made against Garnet. Which meant that she didn’t deserve to enjoy herself in a pastime that she now remembered she really did enjoy quite a bit. And yet… upon meeting her young pupil’s expectant glance, she found that it was just about impossible for her to say no. “Oh, alright,” she chuckled softly. “I suppose I can join you two for a little while… “

“Pearl, I think we all know that a ‘little’ while is rarely ever little when it comes to Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons,” Ford remarked rather coyly.

The white Gem let out a genuine laugh at this, rather happy to follow after Dipper and Ford as they lead the way down to the Mystery Shack for what was bound to be an intense afternoon of dungeon spelunking and equation solving. “I can’t argue with you there.”

Sure enough, a little while had turned into an all-day campaign as Dipper, Ford, and Pearl hypothetically set out on their grandiose, mathematical quest. True to the author’s recounting, the white Gem was surprisingly skilled at the game, her recollection of its intricate rules returning to her memory practically the moment she sat down to play it. And with that recollection came a renewed enthusiasm for the playful pastime her and Ford used to share, one that showed itself in every roll of the die and move across the board she made. Seeing as how both Ford and Dipper already had plenty of enthusiasm towards the game themselves even before Pearl had joined them, this made for an air of genuine excitement as they all congregated in the basement lab to carve out their intrepid victory.

“Excellent work, Dipper! You finally managed to defeat that troublesome fire golem!” Pearl proclaimed with a congratulatory grin.

“Yeah,” Dipper said with a slightly exasperated sigh. “Now if only I could have stopped those woodland imps from stealing all my healing potions…”

“Heh, speaking of imps,” Ford remarked, sending Pearl a wry, reminiscent smirk. “That reminds me of the time Amethyst snuck down here and attempted to steal just about every morsel of food I had in the house.”

“Oh, that was a mess,” Pearl chuckled heartily upon hearing the familiar tale. “I remember there was a trail of food leading all the way between here and the temple! No wonder that horrific moth man creature attacked us that night when we were trying to clean it up!”

“A moth man?” Dipper asked, quite intrigued. “Like the one in the journal?”

“The very one,” Ford nodded in confirmation. “It was so dark that we barely even saw him coming until he jumped at me out of nowhere to try and get my lantern.”

“Oh, you should have seen it, Dipper!” Pearl laughed openly. “The bold, brazen ‘author of the journals’, cowered in fear against a tree, crying for mercy against a cloud of moths, of all things. It was hilarious!”

“I-in my defense, that ‘cloud of moths’ just so happened to be in the shape of a man, and a very intimidating one at that!” Ford protested, clearly flustered.

“Ah yes, so intimidating that it only took one toss of Rose’s shield to completely dispel it and save you, yet again,” the white Gem remarked, her tone still coy and playful. “Then again, I suppose it wasn’t entirely your fault, Stanford. After all, you were rather danger prone back in those days.”

“Well, if I was, then I suppose I was able to consider myself lucky to have such reliable friends like you, Rose, and the others,” Ford remarked with a warm, genuine smile, one that seemed to carry an underlying layer of unspoken remorse to it as well.

Pearl seemed to mirror this, her own expression somewhat sad and hesitant before shifting into a soft, nostalgic smile, a smile that she didn’t try to chase away this time. “Friends… right…” she muttered, glancing away briefly before quickly perking up and returning her attention back to the game once more. “Now, where were we? Ah yes! Chasing down those pesky imps…”

At this sudden change of gears, Dipper and Ford exchanged a brief glance of confusion, but even so, they were quick to follow Pearl’s lead and get their heads back into the game. After all, from where they stood now, they were bound to have an entire untold adventure ahead of them.

While Mabel knew from over 12 years of firsthand experience that Dipper usually kept rather late hours, most of the time that fact didn’t upset her own normal sleeping routine too much. However, this particular night was an exception to that, as she was finding it just about impossible to fall asleep with her brother intently plotting out his ongoing Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons strategy only a few feet away from her.

“Ok, so if I had a dragon here…” Dipper muttered to himself as he sketched out his plans amidst several pieces of graph paper. “Oh, and then a plus the fire mode over here-”

“Dipper, are you ever going to sleep?” Mabel asked as she rolled over in bed to face him, finally exasperated to the point that she couldn’t keep silent on it any longer. “You’ve been saying dork words for hours…”

“Sorry, Mabel, but I’ve got to finish this dungeon,” Dipper countered, not even bothering to glance up as he continued working. “It’s gonna totally stump Pearl and Great Uncle Ford tomorrow, I can’t wait to see the look on their faces!”

Mabel took pause upon hearing this, her already present frown deepening as she sat up. “You’ve, uh… been spending a lot of time with old Fordsy lately, huh?” she asked, her tone innocently curious enough. She didn’t see much of a reason to mention Pearl in her question, namely because she knew that Dipper already spent a good deal of time with the white Gem through his sword lessons, which meant that this was nothing really new. His recently developed comradery with Ford, on the other hand was. And for whatever reason, Mabel wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it.

“You have no idea,” Dipper said with an enthusiastic smile. “I knew the author must have been cool, but he’s better than I imagined! And… he doesn’t make fun of me like you and Grunkle Stan do.”

“Ha! Give him time!” Mabel teased, though she instantly wished she hadn’t upon seeing her brother’s expression sour at this remark. “Nah, you got me,” she faked playfulness, though once more Dipper offered her no response. Her own brief smile faded as she lay back down, letting out a small, worried sigh while staring up at the ceiling. True, the painful gap between them torn asunder by the portal had been mostly repaired, but that didn’t mean there weren’t still holes left behind all the same. Holes that she was only now starting to notice and had essentially no idea how to fix. “You got me…”

The Mystery Shack was abuzz with excitement the following day, all in anticipation of the long-awaited, massively hyped-up Ducktective/Dogcopter crossover that was set to air that evening. Steven had already arrived about an hour ago, and in that span of time, him and Mabel had gone through just about every theory and wish they had for the special, both of them more than eager to finally get a chance to see it. It was easy to say that they had sufficiently prepared themselves emotionally and mentally for this grand crossover by the time Grenda arrived to view it with them.

“Thanks for coming over to watch the crossover with us tonight, Grenda,” Mabel smiled as her and Steven greeted the larger girl at the door.

“Of course!” Grenda exclaimed in her usual boisterous way as she held up her Ducktective and Dogcopter flags. “I feel like I’ve been waiting for these two characters to meet my entire life!”

“Same here,” Steven nodded in agreement. “Or, ya know, at least ever since they announced the crossover last month.”

“Hey hey, look at you!” Mabel smirked as she noticed Stan coming downstairs, wearing his finest suit and tie. “Someone’s all dressed up.”

“It’s a big night,” Stan remarked as he adjusted his tie. “I never thought I’d live to see the day where a dog with a propeller on its back meets a duck who solves murder mysteries for a living. It really is a wonderful time to be alive.”

No sooner had the conman finished speaking than the alarm on Steven’s phone suddenly went off, eliciting an excited gasp from everyone. “It’s time!” the young Gem announced happily.

“Viewing positions, everyone!” Mabel ordered, pointing to the living room as they all began making a mad dash towards it. However, the entire group stopped short just as they passed into its threshold, surprise and disappointment hitting all of them as they caught sight of the graph paper and extensive notes regarding Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons strewn about all over the room. And, sitting in the very center of the den, Dipper, Ford, and Pearl were all completely engrossed in their ongoing game, all three of them clearly having a fun time as they were all but oblivious to the group that had just walked in on them.

“Ah! Graph paper! Kill it!” Grenda shouted, furiously stomping on the nearest piece of it.

“Uh… what’s going on in here?” Steven asked, much more calmly. “And wait, Pearl? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, you know…” Pearl began, sending her young ward a casual smile. “Just completely decimating these two in a duel for the mystical forbidden treasure of old.”

“Not for long, you won’t,” Dipper challenged brazenly as he rolled the die, though Mabel interupted before the game could go any further.

“Uh, Dipper? Could you guys maybe move this to another room?” she asked, only thinly veiling her annoyance.

“No dice!” Ford said. “We ran out of room in the basement and we’re going for a world record. Now… dice!” And with that, the author rolled, landing exactly the number he had been hoping for to advance. “Ha! 32, yes! 7,000 points damage!”

“Oh man! You got me!” Dipper laughed, accepting this setback gracefully.

“Hm… lucky roll…” Pearl mused, offering Ford a coy grin of defeat.

“Ugh, why? Why with this?” Stan groaned, not bothering to hide his aggravation with the trio as he sent Ford and Pearl an irritated glare in particular. “You two wanna break some records? You’ve already broken two for world’s nerdiest old man and world’s nerdiest… rock person?”

“Ugh… why am I not surprised that you don’t understand, Stan?” Pearl crossed her arms. “Amethyst used to crack her sarcastic little remarks about myself and Ford back in the day when we used to play this game together, just like you are now. You and her really are two of a kind.”

“Yeah, I can’t say I really blame her,” Stan retorted just as dryly, though he did briefly glance away at the remembrance of how much things had soured between him and Amethyst recently. “It’s not like you two don’t have it coming.”

“Hey, at least we’re not all keyed up to watch some kid’s show,” Ford countered, meeting his brother’s unimpressed expression evenly.

“Hey! I’ll have you know that this Ductective/Dogcopter crossover is gonna be legendary!” Stan snapped defensively. “People will be talking about how hilarious and tragic it is for decades! Or at least for like, a week or something.”

“I don’t get a lot of either of them, but I like animals in human situations,” Grenda pointed out.

“Plus, the music is really good,” Steven added. “And don’t even get me started on those crazy plot twists in both shows! They have so much in common, its like they were made to be together!”

“A-and its starting soon!” Mabel urged fretfully. “Grunkle Stan, do something!”

Stan complied, letting out an exasperated huff as he reached to remove the graph paper covering the television, only for Ford to intercept him by suddenly grabbing his wrist to stop him. “Move that and pay the price,” the author warned, his tone surprisingly grave. Startled, Stan took pause for a moment, only to instantly regain his previously sardonic attitude.

“Oh what? Fifty magical elf dollars?” the conman deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

“Don’t mock our fantastical monetary system!” Ford snapped fiercely.

“Honestly, Stan, you’re just being childish about this whole thing!” Pearl said just as sharply.

“Yeah, I’m the one being childish, not you guys and your game about knights and fairy princesses and unicorns,” the conman remarked coldly. “And you know what? I’ll mock it all I want; it’s my TV room.”

“It’s my house!” the author argued, clearly angry by this point. However, he did make something of an attempt to calm down by letting out an evening sigh as he relinquished his brother’s hand and instead pulled his bag of many-sided die out instead. “Listen, Stanley, did it ever occur to you that if you joined us, you might have fun?”

“What?” Stan scoffed, clearly caught off guard by this offer. Despite his brief surprise regarding it however, he was quick to reject it, refusing to let his brother have his way, which, as far as he was concerned, always seemed to be the case. “Now you listen to me!” the conman began, snatching the bag right out of the author’s hand. The bag that, as both Ford and Dipper knew, contained something potentially very dangerous inside. “As long as I live I will never-”

“G-Grunkle Stan!” Dipper attempted to warn, though by this point Stan was far too incensed to really listen.

“Ever-”

“Stanley! Don’t!” Ford gasped in alarm as he saw the conman raise the bag up high.

“Play your smartypants nerd game!” Stan finished his harsh proclamation by throwing the bag down onto the ground hard. Unfortunately, out of it rolled a plastic black box, and out of that rolled a glowing die with ever-changing sides.

The infinity-sided die.

For a single, anxious moment, the die was still in motion as it rolled across the carpeted floor, but once it finally came to a stop, it did so on a symbol that had only just appeared: the outline of a powerful wizard. And, just as Ford had said would happen, the die’s power instantly brought its outcome to life. In a flash of blinding light, four mystical figures materialized right out of the box art of Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons, brought to life and to reality in front of the shocked group who could do nothing more than watch as this impossibility unfolded right before their eyes. The assemblage of characters consisted of a massive golden griffon, a lumbering, bulky ogre, a attractive, bow-wielding elf, and finally, a cackling, bearded magician, clearly the leader of the crew as he spoke up first.

“Mortals of dimension 514÷Y! Kneel before me and-” the wizard interupted himself to roll his own die to see what threat he should dole out. “Snivel! I am Probabilitor! The greatest wizard in all of mathology! Give or take an error of 0.4.”

“Eh? Is this… normal?” Stan asked, aptly confused.

“Probabilitor?” Pearl also questioned, bewildered in a different way. “As in the one from the game? How is this even possible? Stanford, what did that die of yours do?!”

“That’s a… long story that there may or may not be time to explain all the details of later,” Ford said, his manner stiff and defensive as he kept a hand tucked away inside his trench coat. Just in case.

“Uh, are you here to send us on the quest of a lifetime because we’re the smartest players you’ve ever met?” Dipper asked the intruding wizard, hoping that his intentions weren’t as sinister as his sudden appearance came across.

“You are the smartest players I’ve ever met!” Probabilitor acknowledged with a sinister grin. “That’s why I’m going to eat your brains to gain your intelligence! Its what I do.”

“It’s his thing,” the wizard’s ogre companion added pointedly.

As everyone reacted to this news with alarmed surprise, Probabilitor took advantage of the moment as he ordered his mythical cohorts into action. “By the power of math, seize them!”

“Your math is no match for me gun, you idiot!” Ford retorted, finally pulling out the powerful laser gun he kept tucked away inside his coat. The author readily took aim, paying no mind to Pearl as she summoned her spear beside him or Dipper as he discreetly slipped away to retrieve something, fortunately without the wizard taking notice.

“Math ray!” Probabilitor shouted, a burst of mathematical power shooting out from his staff. The blast was more than enough to knock the gun clean out of Ford’s hands, leaving him essentially defenseless and opening things up for Pearl to take charge.

“Looks like I have to come to your rescue yet again, Stanford,” the white Gem remarked confidently as she rushed forward. She swung her spear widely, aiming for Probabilitor, though before her strike could land, Pearl suddenly found herself heavily pushed to the ground and pinned there by the griffon and its large, sharp talons. Her spear fell out of her hand and disappeared in its usual burst of sparkles, and with her arms as restrained as they were, summoning another one was nigh impossible.

“You were saying?” Ford remarked much more harshly than he had intended to, though given the circumstances, such stress was reasonable enough.

However, before either the author, the white Gem, or anyone else for that matter could try to thwart Probabilitor’s intentions, Dipper suddenly dashed forward seemingly out of nowhere, the Ancient Sea Blade tight in his grip. Ford in particular was rather startled to see his young nephew not only wielding such a weapon, but to see him running headfirst into obvious danger with a fearless battle cry. Unfortunately, much like Pearl, Dipper’s valiant attempt to cut the hostile wizard was ultimately put to a swift end as Probabilitor lashed out, a burst of his mysterious, dangerous magic spiraling right towards the sword-wielding boy.

“Dipper!” Mabel cried fearfully, though luckily, her brother reacted accordingly. At just the right moment, Dipper twisted his sword in front of him, pulling off a rather risky block that only worked to partially protect him. The Ancient Sea Blade took the brunt of the hit as Dipper was knocked back, and in practically an instant, the wizard’s magic destroyed the elegant sword, causing it to explode in an array of sparkles and mathematical symbols until nothing was left of it at all.

“Enough of this!” Probabilitor exclaimed hotly, pointing his staff in a commanding gesture as the griffon spread its wings and quickly worked to gather Pearl, Ford, and Dipper in hits talons. “I’m not here to play games!” With this, the wizard sent another blast of magic out, this one towards the nearest wall of the shack, which he easily blew a massive hole into. With an insane cackle, Probabilitor flew out through the hole, his band of companions following right behind with their captive trio in tow. “Now to the forest, for the ultimate game!”

“Oh no! Dipper! Pearl! Mr. Ford!” Steven cried worriedly as he rushed up to the hole along with Mabel as they both watched in dismay as they all disappeared into the forest, out of sight and out of reach.

“So…” Grenda spoke up after a beat of worried silence. “The room’s free now. Who wants to watch Ducktective and Dogcopter?” Another moment passed, this one much more awkward as Steven and Mabel looked to her in appalled disbelief at such a callous suggestion. “Nobody? Oh well! More couch for Grenda!”

“Oh, this is really bad,” Mabel said, both her tone and expression very fretful. “That crazy wizard is gonna eat Dipper and Ford’s brains! And… Pearl’s? I think? Isn’t that technically her gem?”

“W-we have to save them!” Steven interjected with a much more pertinent concern.

“Eh, maybe let ‘em get a couple of bites in Ford’s brain first,” Stan remarked, leaning against the side of the hole casually. “Even things out smart-wise.”

“Grunkle Stan!” Mabel scolded, nowhere near as accepting of this alarming kidnapping as he seemed to be.

“Alright, alright,” the conman quickly folded upon meeting his niece’s troubled manner. “I guess if we have no other choice, we’ll go on a… ugh, epic wizard quest.”

“Yay!” the trio of kids exclaimed in unified excitement, all more than ready for such a harrowing adventure if it meant saving their family and friends.

“Now before we hit the road, everyone grab a weapon,” Stan said, still far from enthused from having to go on this journey. After all, he wasn’t particularly excited about having to rescue Ford again, only to no doubt be denied proper thanks once more.

Everyone easily found whatever they had on hand to use as a weapon in their quest. Steven already had one on hand in his shield, as did Stan as he pulled out the baseball bat he kept tucked away in the porch couch’s cushions. On impulse, Mabel grabbed a rake, though Grenda was by far the most heavily equipped as she hoisted a recliner up, more than ready to use it as a weapon if needed.

“We’re coming for you, Dipper!” Mabel boldly proclaimed as everyone prepared to set off on their daring, magical rescue mission. “And Grunkle Ford! And Pearl! And possibly that hot elf, if he’s got anything to do with this.”

“Let’s go!” Steven exclaimed, leading the way as they all rushed headlong into the forest, unsure of what they’d encounter on their journey, but ready to face it all the same.

Probabilitor and his companions had wasted no time at all in setting up a camp deep in the magical forests of Gravity Falls. While the elf and the griffon stood guard in the event of any unwanted intruders, the wizard took the time to taunt his three captives, all of whom were attempting to struggle out of the rather tight bonds that kept them restrained to the large tree in the middle of the clearing.

“With each brain I eat, I shall increase my enchantelligence!” Probabilitor chortled as he used a magical tape measurer to get a count on Ford, Dipper, and Pearl’s heads.

“If my hands were free, I’d break every part of your face!” the author threatened fiercely.

“Not if I get to it first!” Pearl added just as sharply as she sent the wizard a cold glare.

“Squabble all you want,” Probabilitor chuckled darkly. “Either way, the time has come! Hot elf! Ready the brain-cooking pot!”

The elf let out an exasperated sigh, flipping his hood off to reveal his luminous silver hair. “Yes, Probabilitor,” he groaned, rolling his eyes as he took aim at the nearby caldron and ignited it with a flaming arrow.

“Haha! According to my calculations, your brains shall be a delicious part of my balanced wizard breakfast,” the wizard concluded to his captives with a triumphant smirk. “Or lunch. Or dinner. Or whatever mealtime it currently is.”

“Hmph, then clearly it seems that you’ve miscalculated,” Pearl retorted, turning her nose up haughtily. “Even if your ridiculous plan succeeded, you’d only have two brains to snack on anyway since I’m a Gem. Which means, I don’t have a brain.” A beat of curious silence passed at this as both Ford and Dipper sent Pearl questioning looks before she realized what she had just said. “Wait… I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Oh believe me, I’m well aware of your relative brainlessness,” Probabilitor remarked with a knowing grin.

“Again, not what I meant!”

“Which is why I plan on grinding up that pretty little gemstone of yours into the perfect seasoning for brains à la carte!” the wizard finished before breaking down into yet another round of wild laughter.

“Well that’s… dark,” Dipper noted exchanging a concerned look with Pearl.

“You know, I’d almost rather be back at the temple, moping about how upset Garnet is with me…” the white Gem groaned, slumping against the ropes restraining her to the tree. That is, until she remembered just how unbearably tense things actually were between her and the Gem leader in light of what she had done. “Then again… maybe not…”

Though the mystical forest was quite dense, Mabel, Steven, Stan, and Grenda didn’t have a particularly hard time finding their way through it, mostly since they were easily able to follow the trail of griffon feathers that had unintentionally been left behind. So far, the group hadn’t encountered any obstacles or threats along the way, but even so, they were all still on high alert in the event that they did, their makeshift weapons at the ready to defend themselves from any dangers Probabilitor might put in their path.

“We must be getting close,” Stan noted, flinching as he slapped a past on his back. “These fairy bites are getting more frequent.”

“H-hey! Look! Listen!” the now squished fairy cried in pain as she lay crushed against the conman’s shoulder in a pile of glitter.

“I hope we’re not too late,” Steven said fretfully. “I’m not really sure how I’d be able to go back to the temple and explain to Garnet and Amethyst that Pearl got eaten by a crazy board game wizard. A lot of bad things have been happening lately, but I have a feeling that would probably take the cake…”

“Halt!” The group came to an abrupt stop as the massive, threatening ogre suddenly emerged from the nearby greenery, stomping down in front of them and barring the path ahead. “Yon interlopers are trespassing on the ancient forest of Probabilitor the wizard! If ye wish to pass, first, ye must complete seven unworldly quests, each more difficult than the-”

“NO!” Grenda suddenly shouted, brutally hitting the unsuspecting ogre with her heavy chair. The monster fell to the ground with a mighty thud, easily defeated and apparently unconscious, though based on his lack of breathing, he could have possibly been worse off than that.

“Is he… dead?” Mabel asked, poking the downed ogre with her rake.

“He’s magic, sweetie, I’m sure he’s fine,” Stan assured casually enough before turning to Grenda with a serious whisper. “There are no cops in the forest, we take this to our graves.”

Grenda nodded in agreement with this resolve, but even so, Steven and Mabel pressed onward, still clearly worried about their primary mission. “Well… I guess that’s one way to clear a path,” the young Gem noted as they passed by the supposedly unconscious ogre. “Maybe not the best way, but still, a way.”

It was clear from the increasing frequency of Probabilitor’s manic chuckles that his preparations for cooking his captives’ brains were nearly complete. Unfortunately though, despite their skill in Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons, Dipper, Ford, and Pearl had yet to think of a way out of their very real plight, one that could very well cost them all their lives if they didn’t escape from it soon.

“W-what do we do? What do we do?!” Dipper asked in a sharp, panicked whisper, hating how relatively defenseless all three of them were in this situation.

“Stop thinking, Dipper!” Ford retorted, trying to be as calm as possible, something that Pearl also tried to maintain, despite her own dread in this tight spot. “The more wrinkly your brain gets, the more he’ll want to eat it!”

“And now, a little math problem,” Probabilitor said as he stepped up to his trio of captives, a hungry grin claiming his face. “When I subtract your brains from your skulls,” he began, tapping both Dipper and Ford’s heads with his staff. “Add salt,” he lightly poked Pearl’s gemstone at this, causing the white Gem to cringe from the unexpected vibration. “And divide your families, what’s the remainder?”

“Your butt!”

“What?” the wizard asked, startled as he turned to face this unexpected voice. “My butt isn’t part of this particular equation!”

“And neither are we!” Mabel boldly proclaimed as her, Steven, Stan, and Grenda suddenly jumped out of the bushes, all of them still wielding their makeshift weapons brazenly.

“But here we are!” Steven chimed in before waving to the trio tied to the tree. “Hi, Dipper! Hi, Pearl! Hi, Mr. Ford!”

“Well, at least someone came to rescue us…” Pearl noted, though her tone alone conveyed her uncertainty about the group’s effectiveness in actually saving them.

“Drat! How did you get past my one guard?!” Probabilitor scowled, gripping his staff tightly. “Very well… There is one way you can save your family. You must defeat me in Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons: Real Life Edition!”

With a wild cackle, the wizard raised his staff, magic pouring out of it as a large, ornate game board, one that floated just a few feet off the ground just as Probabilitor himself had begun to.

“What? Oh come on!” Stan groaned, knowing that him trying to avoid having to play the complicated, rather boring game was what started this mess in the first place.

“I choose my characters…” Probabilitor continued, snapping his fingers to create three miniaturized, identical ogres on the game board. “Vs… yours!” Upon another burst of mathematical magic, the wizard pointed to his trio of captives, all of whom disappeared from their spot against the tree as he did. They reappeared an instant later, shrunken down themselves as they stood upon Probabilitor’s outstretched palm, unanimously startled by this unexpected shift. However, their size hadn’t been the only thing to change; each of them was now clad in the archaic attire befitting Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons characters, with Dipper and Ford both dressed in earthy adventuring clothes while Pearl had received something of a sparse knight’s armor.

“Ah! My ears! They’re so pointy!” Ford exclaimed, flicking his now elfish ears.

“T-there better be something protective under this tunic,” Dipper remarked before briefly turning around to check. “Oh no, there isn’t!”

“I don’t know what you two are complaining about,” Pearl smirked as she looked over the crimson cape her armor came equipped with. “I could get used to this…”

“Aw, you guys look so adorable!” Steven gasped with delight upon seeing the tiny trio.

“I know, right?” Mabel agreed just as brightly. “Makes me wish I had me camera on me to get a pic of how cute you guys are in your little fantasy outfits!”

“Ok, seriously, you guys, now is not the time!” Dipper scolded, sending a petulant look up at them.

“I’m with the kid, can’t we just arm wrestle or something?” Stan asked, far from enthused.

“Come on, this game is a lot of fun!” Probabilitor urged. “I even had my mom pack me a lunch,” he continued, pulling some apple slices out of his paper bag lunch. “Ew, apple slices? I’ll eat you last.”

“Ugh, just make with the rules already, ugly,” the conman rolled his eyes as him, Mabel, and Steven took a seat on the other side of the game board.

“The game is a battle royale,” the wizard began to explain. “We help out characters by casting spells determined by rolls of the dice. If you win, I’ll go back to my own dimension.”

“Hooray!” Steven and Mabel chimed in unison, hoping for such a peaceful outcome.

“But if I win, I eat their brains/gem!” Probabilitor grinned as he let Dipper, Ford, and Pearl down into the game board itself.

“Well,” Pearl remarked, crossing her arms. “That certainly seems like a risky gamble that only an absolute fool would-”

“Deal!” Stan exclaimed daringly.

“Oh boy…” Dipper sighed as Ford and Pearl shook their heads, all three of them quite concerned about their fate in what would no doubt be a dangerous game.

“Then let the game… BEGIN!” Probabilitor proclaimed, raising his hand before bringing it down and letting his dice roll out of it. The wizard landed a 13, giving him the perfect opportunity to dole out his first move. “Attack!” he ordered his trio of ogres as large, spiked clubs appeared in each of their hands. The creatures rushed towards Dipper, Ford, and Pearl, more than happy to swing their weapons at the group as they narrowly managed to dodge the heavy strikes.

“Oh come on!” Pearl exclaimed in severe annoyance as she tried to summon her spear, only for nothing to emerge from her Gem as a result of Probabilitor’s spell. “As if this entire thing couldn’t get any more aggravating!”

“Oh no!” Steven exclaimed worriedly as he watched this chaos unfold across the game board. “We have to help them!”

“W-what do we do? What are our moves?” Stan asked just as frantically.

“There are no moves!” Dipper shouted up to them as he barely managed to jump out of the way of one of the ogre’s bats. “You make them up!”

“What? Really?” the conman asked, surprised.

“But wait, isn’t this game super complicated?” Mabel asked, just as confused.

“No!” Pearl informed as though it was obvious. “Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons is actually quite simple once you get the hang of it!”

“That’s what I tried to tell you!” Ford added just as intently. “This game involves math, yes, but also risk, enthusiasm, and imagination!”

“Risk?” Stan asked as a smile slowly started to spread across his face.

“Enthusiasm?!” Steven asked, already quite pumped up.

“Imagination?” Mabel finished with a cheerful gasp. “Grunkle Stan, make something up! It’s just like lying!”

“Uh, then I cast, um… shield of… shielding?” Stan ventured, rolling the die and miraculously getting a 14. It was just enough to counter Probabilitor’s roll, and as such, a large, magical shield materialized in front of Dipper, Pearl, and Ford. The ogres’ clubs bounced cleanly off its sturdy surface as the trio crowded behind it, fully protected from any and all harm. “Ha! We’re doing it!” the conman exclaimed in triumph.

That triumph was short lived, however, as Probabilitor quickly made his next roll to cancel Stan’s out. “Shield of shielding reversal spell!” he shouted, and just like that, the magical shield disappeared into thin air, leaving the trio defenseless yet again. They scattered as one of the ogres brought his club down, but fortunately, Steven wasn’t about to leave them unprotected for long.

“I cast, uh… Crazy Fast Lightning Roller Skates!” the young Gem exclaimed, coming up with something off the top of his head as he rolled. Almost as soon as he did, Dipper, Pearl, and Ford all received their own pairs of electrically charged skates, ones that instantly propelled them forward at lighting-fast speeds. The skates were more than enough to get them past the slow, lumbering ogres and their bulky weapons, giving them ample space to prepare themselves to go on the offence as opposed to defense.

“Hot Flamey Sword!” Mabel proclaimed as sharp, fiery swords materialized in the trio’s hands. “Super Hot Flamey Sword!” she added a moment later, and each of the blades extended and the flames surrounding them grew even hotter and brighter.

As the swords solidified themselves, the trio skidded to a stop, their electrified skates still at the ready to send them zooming forward once more. The ogres charged towards them, their expressions fierce as they raised their clubs once again, ready to attack. Only this time, their assault would not go encountered.

“Dipper, stay behind me and Pearl!” Ford ordered his nephew, concerned for his safety amidst this massive beasts. “We’ll handle-” The author was cut off by Dipper’s own battle cry as he swiftly skated forward, flames bursting from his blade as he lashed out in a bold, fast move as he zoomed past one of the ogres. His attack struck true as the creature let out a sharp cry, disappearing into a puff of smoke mere seconds after the flaming sword sliced through it.

“Excellent form, Dipper!” Pearl exclaimed to her pupil brightly. “I can see you’ve been practicing!”

“Thanks!” Dipper called back as he prepared to take on one of the othe ogres. “I have!”

“H-how… where did he learn how to fight like that?” Ford asked, rather amazed at his nephew’s impressive skill with a blade.

“Where do you think?” Pearl asked with a proud smile. “I taught him everything he knows. Now, come on. Dipper can certainly handle himself against those brutes, but it just wouldn’t be fair to let him have all the fun, now would it?”

The author didn’t get much of a chance to respond as the white Gem hurried on ahead, jumping into the fray alongside her pupil. Ford wasn’t far behind and Steven, Mabel, and Stan cheered them on as they worked together to take out the remaining two ogres in record time, much to Probabilitor’s fury.

“No! Drat you! You’ll never outrun my-” the wizard paused as he rolled the dice, grinning wickedly as he made his next move. “Ogre-nado!” With this spell, a massive, spiraling tornado struck up, disembodied ogre heads flying around it as it chased after the trio and blew their swords away. “Ha! It is what it sounds like!” Probabilitor guffawed, watching with twisted delight as the trio ran from the monstrous storm.

“I cast: CENTAURTAUR!” Mabel shouted out of the blue, tossing the dice down onto the board to conjure up a rather nightmarish creature: a centaur with another horse for its head.

“G-goodness! That’s… alarming…” Pearl remarked, rather put off by such a bizarre amalgamation.

“Mabel, I am so confused and so proud right now,” Stan said, sending his niece a bewildered, but warm smile.

“Come on!” Dipper shouted to Pearl and Ford as they all ran for the centaurtaur. Though it was a bit awkward getting onto its double backs, they managed to get a good hold onto the creature long enough for it to carry them away from the approaching ogre-nado as Stan, Mabel, and Steven cheered them on all the while. As the centaurtaur passed into a smaller chamber on the board, both it and the ogre-nado abruptly fell apart, leaving Dipper, Ford, and Pearl safe once more. Or so they thought.

No sooner had the trio picked themselves up off the ground than they suddenly found themselves all pinned to the wall once more, this time by a large, grotesque winged creature with several limbs, tentacles, and two intensely fanged mouths. “Haha, yes!” Probabilitor laughed over his latest move. “I was saving the worst for last!”

“The Impossibeast!” Ford exclaimed in apt surprise. “Hey, I thought they banned this character!”

“Think again!” the wizard grinned deviously. “I’m playing the controversial 1991-1992 edition!”

“W-well this is ok!” Steven reassured as he prepared to roll the dice again. “We’ll just come up with some new weapons and-”

“It’s not that simple,” Pearl interjected fretfully, struggling to break free from the Impossibeast’s iron grip. “From what I remember, this monster is the most powerful creature in the entire game!”

“He can only be defeated by rolling a perfect 38,” Ford added, his tone just as grave. “But the odds of that are-”

“Hey, long odds are what you want when you’re a world class gambler,” Stan cut in with a sly smirk as he took the dice and shook them in his hands. “Alright, Stan, you can do this… Papa needs a new pair of… twins!” Wirth this, the conman tossed the die onto the board, the others taking in a collective deep breath as they hoped that luck would be with him, as the entire game depended on this one singular roll. In an instant that seemed like ages, the die struck the board, rolling across it before finally, fortunately landing on that sought after 38.

“NO!” Probabilitor cried, dumbfounded by disbelief over this effective turn of the tide.

“Ha! Sorry, nerd wizard!” Stan laughed in triumph as Dipper, Pearl, and Ford all let out a shared sigh of relief. “But all your smarts are no match for dumb luck!”

“We cast DEATH MUFFINS!” Mabel and Steven proclaimed in excitable unison, knowing that this move would certainly be for the win. At this, glimmering muffins with an explosive edge to them appeared in each of the trios’ free hands. They didn’t even have to think twice about what to do with them as they simultaneously launched them into the Impossibeast’s wide-open maw, watching with anticipation as the creature swallowed all three of them whole. The effect was almost immediate, for mere seconds later, the death muffins exploded, taking the Impossibeast out along with them in a blinding flash of light.

“Yes!” Stan, Mabel, and Steven cheered in elated unison at this hard-earned win as the game concluded. In a flash, the board disappeared and in its place, Dipper, Ford, and Pearl all reappeared, restored to their normal sizes and clothing with only non-explosive death muffins remaining. An air of celebration rang throughout the group, especially as Steven and Mabel both caught Dipper off guard in a sudden, but welcome hug, glad to have finally rescued him as well as Pearl and Ford.

“The game is, like, over,” the hot elf remarked, shutting the rule book amidst Grenda hugging him tightly, as she had been doing for most of the game. “Excelci-whatever.”

“No!” Probabilitor cried in defeat as him and his companions began to dematerialize. “I’m returning to my own realm! I’m turning into pure math! What are the ooooooooddds?!” The wizard’s final cry hung on the air as he disappeared into equations and grids until nothing remained of him or his wicked intent at all.

“Hmph, serves him right,” Pearl remarked with a satisfied smirk as Steven caught her legs in a sudden embrace, which she gladly returned. “Wanting to crush my gem is one thing, but wanting to use it as a mere seasoning? That was simply absurd.”

“Grunkle Stan, that was amazing!” Dipper exclaimed with a wide smile. “How’d you know you would win?”

“Heh, a gambler never reveals his secrets,” then conman winked as he retrieved the 38 sided die, which he had happened to stick a bit of gum to the side of in order to ensure his perfect 38 roll.

“Man, that really was fun for ages 8 to 80!” Mabel noted with a grin. “Or a million. Or however old you guys are.”

“Yeah, I wish we had tried actually playing the game earlier,” Steven agreed. “I didn’t know what we were missing out on! Electric skates and centaurtaurs and death muffins… What more could anyone want?!”

“Indeed…” Pearl chuckled, though her smile faded somewhat as she turned to Ford. “Er, um… Stanford? I, uh… well I just wanted to say… thank you. Things have been rather… difficult for me lately, but… your offer to pick up our old past time again gave me a much-needed distraction and a reminder of how much fun we used to have together back in the day. I have to admit… I missed this.”

“As did I,” Ford returned her warm grin with complete sincerity. “By the way… I’ve heard about… what happened between you and Garnet. And if there’s anything I can do to help, anything at all, then please, don’t hesitate to ask.”

The white Gem sighed somewhat sadly at this, wrapping her arms around herself as she looked down briefly. “I’m not sure if there’s anything anyone can do but… I appreciate the thought.”

“Uh, hey, Pearl?” Dipper cut in after this exchange, somewhat hesitant as he averted his teacher’s gaze. “I’m, uh… sorry about the Ancient Sea Blade. I know I promised I’d be carefully with it, but I guess I was kinda reckless back at the shack, and I did what you always tell me not to do in a fight and I acted too quickly and… well, you saw what happened to it…”

“Oh, Dipper,” Pearl laughed once more, her tone gentle and reassuring as she placed a hand on her young pupil’s shoulder. “I’m not angry about the Ancient Sea Blade. I’m just that you’re safe. And that you managed to fend off those ogres as skillfully as you did.”

“Well, I learned from the best,” Dipper shrugged, glad that the white Gem didn’t take the loss of her sword harshly whatsoever.

“You certainly did,” Pearl smiled proudly. “Though of course, this means we’ll have to outfit you with a new sword at some point, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, right?”

Dipper happily nodded in agreement with this, though unbeknownst to him or Pearl, Ford was already busy at work pondering on what the white Gem had just said. “A new sword…” the author muttered to himself, an idea striking him as he thought of what would be an excellent way to show his nephew his genuine appreciation.

“Y’know…” Stan began somewhat sheepishly as he garnished his nephew’s attention next. “I’m sorry to you too, kiddo, for making fun of your game. Sure, it might be too nerdy for me, but its just the right amount of nerdy for you and my brother. And Pearl, I guess, but we all already knew she was a huge nerd.”

“Oh wow, thank you, Stan,” Pearl deadpanned, though all the same, she had a smile on her face.

“Anyway,” the conman continued after sending the white Gem a brief cursory look. “If you wanna hang out with Ford sometimes, I won’t get in your way.”

“Actually, after all that, I think I could use a little mindless fun,” Dipper remarked with a small laugh, more than ready to rest after such a harrowing adventure.

“Guys! We can still watch the second showing of the Dogcopter/Ducktective crossover!” Grenda interjected boisterously. “It’s not too late! Now let’s GO!”

Sure enough, everyone made it back to the Mystery Shack just in time to catch the start of the crossover’s second airing. Steven, Mabel, Grenda, Dipper, Stan, and Soos all crowded into the den, disregarding the hole still present in the wall as they watched Ducktective and Dogcopter get into a heated argument as the third act of the special began.

“Oh no! Dogcopter and Ducktective shouldn’t fight!” Steven cried fretfully as he watched the animals’ subtitled quarrel. “They were getting along so well, what happened?!”

“The usual late in the game misunderstanding,” Soos shook his head disapprovingly. “Ya see it all the time in just about everything these days.”

“Ugh, I can’t believe they’d do something so cliché and predictable!” Mabel huffed, unwittingly spilling her snacks all over Stan’s lap. “We waited so long for this?!”

“What a rip off!” Grenda exclaimed, far from pleased.

“Seriously, what kinda two-bit hack wrote this junk?” Stan asked, though even despite the collective anger in the room, they all still watched the rest of the special intently, all of them secretly curious to see where it might lead.

Later that evening, after the thoughts of insane mathematical wizards and zany animal crossovers had been put to rest, Dipper ended up finding himself down in the basement lab once more as per Ford’s request. While everyone else had been watching the crossover, the author had apparently been collaborating with Pearl on something, but whatever it was seemed to be a surprise that Ford didn’t reveal, at least not immediately. Instead, he greeted his nephew warmly and presented him with the infinity sided die once more before sealing it tight in its case and locking it away in one of the many compartments of the basement’s large glass cabinet.

“Well, this ought to be safe and sound now,” Ford concluded with a satisfied grin. “It’ll be here if you ever need it.”

“Really?” Dipper asked with a frown. “Even after it got us into that huge mess earlier?”

“Eh, we both got carried away,” the author remarked with a hint of warmth in his tone. “I guess we’d both gone a while without a friend.”

Dipper couldn’t help but smile upon hearing this, feeling genuinely grateful for the solidarity and camaraderie that had been unexpectedly given to him by none other than the author of the journals himself. In light of the apparent hints of distance he had been feeling between himself and Mabel and Steven as of late, he appreciated the chance to be in the company of someone who not only shared similar interests to him, but truly respected him for his intelligence and verve. And in the end, not only had he gotten what he had wanted in finding a place for himself under the author’s wizened wing, but he had managed to form a solid, comfortable bond with his newfound great uncle. A bond that he had no intentions of every trying to break any time soon.

“Speaking of which…” Ford continued after a beat of silence, a small, sly smile spreading across his face. “I must say I was quite impressed with your surprising ability with a blade that you demonstrated earlier.”

“Oh, w-well, its nothing,” Dipper remarked somewhat bashfully, not really liking to play up those aforementioned abilities too frequently. “I’m still sort of a beginner after all…”

“Well, from what Pearl told me, you’ve progressed marvelously,” the author said, now holding something he had retrieved from his desk behind his back. “Which is why I asked her to help me put a little… something together for you. And the result of our craftsmanship is something I think you just might like.” Ford could no longer contain his full smile as he held out what he had been hiding for his nephew to finally see. Even upon a first glance, Dipper let out a surprised gasp at the sight of the beautiful falchion sword laid across the author’s outstretched hands, its blade covered by a simple sheath as its hilt presented a comfortable-looking grip and a curvaceous, well-designed guard. Ford noticed his nephew’s hesitance in taking such an exquisite gift, which was why he let out a small chuckle before nodding him on ahead. “Go on, my boy, take it. It is yours after all.”

Dipper mostly let go of his hesitance at this, finally taking the sword and carefully unsheathing it to find that its sharp, metallic blade contained hints of intricate technology to it, with bright lines of circuitry running across it in neat, organized lines. “Whoa…” he mused, his eyes wide with amazement as he looked over it. “It’s… amazing…”

“It certainly is, and in more than just looks too,” Ford remarked proudly, his hands behind his back. “Do you see that small dial on the pommel?” He pointed to said dial, which was divided between four vibrant colors: red, blue, yellow, and green, with the first of those being the one it was apparently set on. “Press down on it and see what happens.”

Curious, Dipper did so, only to gasp in alarm as the circuitry on the sword suddenly lit up, the blade igniting itself in bright, hot flames. “W-whoa!” he exclaimed, holding the fiery sword far out from him. “I-is this supposed to be happening?!”

“Yes, it works exactly as intended!” Ford chimed as he reached to turn the knob to the next setting. As soon as he did, the fire quelled itself, the blade glowing blue as its heat was replaced with a bitterly cold aura of misty frost. “You could say that I was a bit inspired by our rather… fantastical adventure earlier today when designing this. Those ‘flamey swords’ Mabel came up with in particular helped me envision the direction I wanted to go in with this invention. As did Steven’s ‘electric skates’.” With another turn of the dial, the sword burst into bright yellow sparks, lightning cackling from it, but fortunately never leaving the immediate surface of the blade itself. Ford turned the dial one last time, shifting the sword’s color to green as a powerful gust of wind, almost akin to a controlled tornado, struck up around the blade before it ultimately dissipated into nothing as the author pressed the pommel again, shutting the sword down. “It was quite an interesting project to take on in such a short notice, but I think I did a rather exemplary job, if I do say so myself,” Ford continued brightly. “The modifications were entirely of my design, but I do have Pearl to thank for giving me the base sword, as well as thinking up a name for it: the Sword of Seasons. Fitting, isn’t it?”

“The Sword of Seasons…” Dipper repeated with a smile as he looked to his new blade with immense satisfaction before properly sheathing it. “Yes, it is. And thank you so much, Great Uncle Ford. This thing is seriously so cool!”

“Yes, well, I’m glad I could equip you with a new one after what happened today,” Ford said, still beaming. “And of course, I’m sure you’ll use it wisely, so it was more than worth the trouble.” A beat of warmth passed between the pair, one that the author felt was far too short lived as he took the smallest glance at the curtain-covered window behind him. Behind which were secrets that he knew he finally had to come clean about, at least to someone. “Dipper… can I tell you something?” he ventured, his manner turning serious, almost grave even.

“Y-yeah, of course,” Dipper nodded, noting the author’s sudden shift in behavior, his own shifting right along with it.

“You asked me what I was working on earlier. Well…” Ford began, hesitating for a moment before finally pulling back the curtain to reveal the portal on the other side of it. Or rather, what little now remained of it. “I dismantled the portal. To be honest, I should have done this from the very moment Rose told me to years ago… An interdimensional gateway is too dangerous for the world it feeds into. That’s why I was mad at Stan for using it. He saved me, but as I feared, the instability of the machine created this:” The author pulled out a small, spherical glass globe, its appearance fortified but rather unassuming. What was contained within the globe, however, was much more fascinating: a formless, shapeless cloud of what almost looked to be the radiant depths of space itself, swirling within its petite containment unit without any sort of rhyme or reason. It was in a state of constant change, its glow casting light throughout the dimly lit basement as it seemed to pulsate with an unknown power. A power that felt both intriguing and catastrophic all at once. “Its an interdimensional rift,” Ford explained, keeping his voice low as he held onto the base of the glob tightly. “I’ve contained it for now, but its incredibly dangerous, which means it must remain safe and secure and most of all, secret. Dipper, I don’t want you to tell anyone about this. Not Stan, not the Gems, not even your sister. Understand?”

For a moment, the most Dipper could do was remain silent in light of the incredibly heavy weight Ford had just unexpectedly put upon his shoulders. Sure enough, the author had let him in on an incredibly guarded secret, one that could, as far as he knew, put the town, maybe even the entire world at risk if not well kept. But to keep such a secret from those he trusted most, to hide something so monumental and so important from his family, his friends, his sister? If he was perfectly honest with himself, Dipper wasn’t sure if he could withstand that kind of pressure to uphold such a vow of untold silence. And yet… he knew that he would ultimately have to. The amount of genuine trust and reliance Ford was placing in him, to tell him and no one else, not even his old research partners, the Gems, about this rift could not be betrayed. In fact, Dipper refused to let himself betray that trust out of sheer conviction alone. It wasn’t a matter of trying to prove to the author that he could handle this; it was a matter of protecting this incredible important, incredibly fragile object before him. And as far as he knew, the only way he could really protect it, was to remain silent about it, just as Ford had said.

“I—uh, o-of course,” Dipper nodded a moment later, putting as much resolve into his tone as he could as he met the author’s expectant gaze squarely.

Ford nodded in acceptance at this, letting out a small sigh of relief as he pulled the rift a bit closer to him. “Thank you,” he said with genuine gratitude. “In my time, I’ve made many powerful enemies, but I trust you with this secret. Now, get to bed. I have much research to do. And as I said before, take care with that new sword of yours!”

“I will,” Dipper promised just as sincerely, gripping the Sword of Seasons tight to his chest as he turned to head back upstairs, as if it alone could protect the immense secret he had just sworn to keep. “Goodnight, Great Uncle Ford.”

“Goodnight, Dipper,” Ford called back with a warm smile, one that disappeared as soon as his nephew left the room. The author let out a tired sigh, looking down to the rift in his hands once again, its relative weightlessness seemingly making it feel all the more heavy in a way. He knew he ran a risk telling just about anyone at all about this dimensional tear that could just as easily rip its way through existence itself, but he firmly did believe that Dipper would keep this secret well. Just as he readily believed Rose could have if she were still around today, though Ford figured he’d just have to make to with whom he had.

So, the author put the rift away, tucking it safely back in its hidden place in the compartment at his desk, hoping to get some peace of mind with it put out of his sight. But even so, the rift continued radiating its hauntingly beautiful glow, its ever-shifting clusters of stars carrying the fate of existence itself upon them. An existence that could just as easily come to a violent, destructive end if it ever fell into the wrong hands…

Next: 

[rist-ix]

Some of my biggest grievances with Netwinx, in no particular order:

The Dragon Flame

If you can even call it that. No seriously, why IS it called that. In OG Winx club there was this whole creationist lore about the Great Dragon, giver of all life, who's fiery breath birthed the stars and planets and blessed the rulers of Domino with His flame. The source of life, inextinguishable, eternally tied to Bloom and never to be taken by force… and so on and so on.

Here?

Nothing.

They name drop the Dragon Flame, but never address what it actually IS. It’s just ✨special✨ and ✨powerful✨ and ✨slightly redder than Bloom's usual spells✨. Much mysterious. Very wonder.

In that scene where Rosalind realizes, oh shit, she's gonna kill me! and Bloom gathers her plot-armored, supercharged powers, I really thought that this is the moment. This is where she summons the dragon, like she did in the cartoon. I was ready for this to be epic, to be meaningful and to truly put into perspective that this isn’t just another spell, it’s a force of nature. A divine, otherworldly gift that is leagues apart from the magic we've seen so far.

And then boop! Bloom nukes her teacher with the powers of… the good old fiery orb, I guess.

Hm.

With so little meaning given to this “magic of legend” and so much emphasis put on “yeah if Bloom loses control it’s over for us bitches mkay?” it’s hard to feel invested in its fate, or Bloom's. When Bloom has her oh so selfless little give-it-up moment, it doesn’t feel moving. I didn’t feel shocked, or sad, or horrified as I like to feel when a character gives up something important to them. And it didn’t feel jarring like when the Trix took it by force, one of the most harrowing memories I have of that show.

It was just another generic energy beam, into another generic plot device, for another generic villain and his generic evil purpose.

Speaking of!

Valtor

I just… I don’t even know what to say. I’ve been joking before that if they added Valtor into this shallow, gritty mess of an adaptation they would only ruin him, but even in my worst nightmares I expected something more dignified than this.

Unicorn of War had an entire segment in her s3 video dedicated to why Valtor works so well as a villain, and why he works so well in the overall plot of the season. It somehow feels like Brian Young read the script of this video — on a plane. While drunk. After pulling it through three different languages on google translator and brewing the results to read his fortune in the cup.

It’s just….he's utterly unrecognizeable! I know that can be said about, well, every single character in this show, but it feels extra jarring when it’s such an icon, such a symbol of Winx Club's Golden Era.

In the show, from the very first moment we see those uncaring, ominous eyes through the Omega Ice Cell, Valtor commands the room. He's the man with the plan, laying low until he's charmed and bribed his way back into power, and then absolutely demolishing every world in his path. Someone who does not truly rely on anyone, who is pitting his own allies against each other to keep them easily controlled. He seems unstoppable, larger than life, at the front lines and pulling his punches because he CAN. He's not a plot twist villain like Avalon, he demands everyone know his name from day one, and will make sure they put some goddamn respect on it.

Fate Valtor, or Sebastian as we'll call him from now on… he's just some Dude. He's introduced as Silva's buddy from Ye Old Days, and the owner of some kind of… I don’t even know, some random Earth junk store. Then he gets beat up by Sky's tragically irrelevant Dad, and helps the girls translate some plot relevant text via zoom call.

No matter how unexpected and plot-twisty his reveal is, it’s not enough for him to recover from that measly intro. It doesn’t help that when he invites Bloom to bargain with him, it’s in a fucking Diner. OG Valtor is rolling in his grave.

Another point in this list of disappointments is… Valtor was special. He was one of a kind, made up of the exact same, life-creating Flame that Bloom, the protagonist guards. An ancient, demonic monster wearing a human face. He was created to serve the most evil beings imaginable, but when he was freed and they were gone? he seemingly became unstoppable.

Sebastian on the other hand, is a Blood Witch. Which is its own can of worms that I’ll get to later, but my point here is that there's dozens of them, just chilling in some kind of cozy group home. There's fucking fairy lights on the stairs. What was the plan here.

Sebastian may be their leader, but he's still one of many. He's name-dropping Aster Dell a lot, the town Rosalind leveled and Bloom's only link to her past, but that's a situational connection which is based solely on wrong place, wrong time. It’s nothing as fundamental as the Dark Mirror thing Valtor had going on with Bloom in the Original.

It's upsetting because Magic stealing aside, this man has nothing in common with the Valtor we know. He's not dead set on glory, he's not seeking revenge for imprisonment, hell, he doesn’t even have that goth gay Victorian vampire aesthetic going for him. Costume designers and cosplayers world wide are weeping at this lost opportunity.

It’s just blatantly obvious that they gave him “Valtor” as a last name to either nostalgia bait the Old Fans, cash in on the popularity of season 3, or make this untoasted slice of bread of a villain somewhat memorable. NOT because they actually wanted to adapt Valtor into their show, or expand on the lore of the Otherworld's creation and/or the Dragon Flame.

You could replace him with any other generic ass Blood Witch and still reach the same conclusion: an underwhelming and surprisingly PG “Bursting into particles”, which was most definitely copied homework from that last Harry Potter movie.

Seriously though. For a show that claims to be so dark and mature TM they sure flake out on compelling deaths. Beatrix at least made a good ol crunch there for a second.

Poor girl. Now we'll never get to see the Trix together — then again. Looking at the rest of this show…

Good for them!

i’ve seen the netwinx and I am Upset

[paintedimagining]

Top 10 favourite characters 

Thank you so much to @whimsicalseasonal for tagging me!

Rules: List ten of your favorite people from ten different fandoms and then tag ten people! 

1. d'Artagnan- The Musketeers: Yeah, no that was an obvious choice right? But look at this adorable little badass. He wears his heart on his sleeve and isn’t afraid to show his emotions and he’ll end you if you so much a think wrongly of his wife, but he has a tender heart. He’s a total badass but not your usual a-typical macho or one dimensional or an infallible Disney Prince™ .  He can be immature and ruthless and spiteful and hotheaded, but he learns and he grows and he loves fiercely. Plus he’s a total puppy and a dorky charmer and insecure all in one.

2. Thor Odinson- MCU: and not just because of those many pretty pretty half-nakey scenes. But because he is biggest, strongest, most intelligent of them all, yet he’s still a humble puppy, and is nearly always trying to broker for peace. Well done on your character arc sir.

3. Eowyn- LOTR (Books/Movies): I honestly don’t know what I can say to express how much I love Eowyn. She became and instant favourite when I read the books. She’s a badass, and a sword-wielding Macbeth-esque wraith killing badass, but its her silent forbearance and support over the long the years caring for her enchanted Uncle that really shows off her strength and fortitude. 

4. Captain Edward Pellew - Hornblower (Book/TV Series): The original Captain Dad. My favourite thing is that at the end of nearly every episode he’s like: ‘You just fucked everything up you little shit….but it was freaking awesome.’ lol Oh and you can’t forget that one episode were he practically said he loved Horatio (Hornblower) like a son actually out loud- I quote: “It is very hard for a father to watch his children grown up” I mean COME ON NOW, and of course Horatio didn’t get it.  Or how many times he smirks with shameless smug pride at something his adopted problematic navy duckling has done to piss off the Admiralty YET AGAIN. Plus, he’s total snarky sass-master. 

5. Evelyn Carnahan O’Connell- The Mummy 1&2 (we don’t speak of the travesty that was 3): Probably one of my first female role-models.  Plus I was totally obsessed with Egyptology at the time this move came out, so you know…but she’s a badass yet doesn’t have to compromise her femininity or her intelligence. She saves the world through books and cunning.

6. Lizzy Bennet- Pride and Prejudice (book/movie): Who doesn’t love Lizzy Bennet? Feisty and independent, witty and stubborn and wants more than just to be married to some respectable man of good fortune that she hates.  She’s a total sassy missy, but isn’t perfect and shown to so with her prejudiced opinions and all too quick judgements.  She makes mistakes but learns from them. 

7: Scarlet O’Hara- Gone with the Wind (Book/Movie): Not gonna lie she is a total and uncompromising Queen Bitch and she’s more of an anti-heroine than a heroine, being as she is vicious and selfish and spiteful, vindictive, cunning and conniving, and cruel etc and yet she’s so inspiring. Yes, she’s an utter bitch, but she is one exceptionally strong woman and if she wasn’t that sort, she and her family would not have survived the war.  She doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about her, is fiercely independent, uses her charm and beauty, and goes out and gets what she wants and never backs down and does whatever she has to do survive.  She’ll steal her sisters fiances and marry one out of spite and to get into the family of the man she's in love with who's marrying someone else, and then one for money sure, but she’ll know how to put that money to better use to save them all from destitution and even raise their fortunes.  She’s amazing really and a survivor, and proof of what any woman can actually accomplish if they have that ‘fuck you I do want I want’ attitude and a perfect (literal) murder face. 

8: Jack Sparrow- Pirates of the Caribbean: Come on who doesn’t love Cpt’ Jack? Need I say more?

9: ‘Doc’ (Eugene) Roe- Band of Brothers: My precious Cajun baby. He volunteered to join the army and was assigned as a medic even though he had no medical experience. He’s a badass racing out into hail of bullets to save lives, (the real ‘Doc’ Roe if you read the book was even more of a hero and a total dork- there was one story about the medics practising their training in the US and they anaesthetised their much hated Captain Sobel and actually cut into him in a mock appendix operation just for laughs) and he is the only one would can actually yell and tell off his superior officers without getting his arse courtmarshalled. What he goes through is harrowing, and through him you see the cost of this war and the effects on the men, including himself in the episode focuses that on him, highlighting ptsd and the true horror of war.

10. Jamie & Claire Fraser (shhhhh they come as a pair)- Outlander (books/series): I don’t know even where to begin with how much I love these two. They are the epitome of *relationship goals* and the most epically badass power couple to ever epic. They are soulmates who love and support each  other so fiercely. She’s a badass from the future who accidentally travels back in time to the 1700′s, and he’s an 18th century feminist that just LOVES HIS WIFE SO MUCH OMFG and not your a-typical macho hero. I mean don’t get me wrong he is macho- but he’s also a giant freaking puppy omg and so much more than just your usual hero sort…I mean the guy keeps tracks of his wife’s periods in the middle of a bloody war…he’s too precious 

I tag @hacash @neon-green-bra @iamanathemadevice @i-own-loki @cowboyaddie @silvertyger and anyone else that want to do it

[blackberryblossoms]

Trollhunters

I’m not counting on anyone to read this, just need to write out my thoughts about this show. And the book too, I guess. I can comfortably say both were very good, but on the whole I think I enjoyed the show more, for various reasons that I will elaborate shortly. I should probably make it clear, however, that my views about the book are probably biased to some degree given that I read it shortly after binge-watching the series, which kind of skewed my expectations.

Oh yeah, and I’m just gonna leave this BIG SPOILER WARNING HERE.

First, the book and DreamWorks show are different in so many fundamental ways it’s almost not fair to compare them.  In the book, Jim lives with his dad because his mom walked out on them; his dad had a brother named Jack who was taken to live with Trolls long before; Uncle Jack is actually the experienced Trollhunter and teaches Jim what he needs to know about combat and Troll society. Trollhunters, for that matter, have always been human from a particular family lineage, of which Jim is the latest traceable descendant; Arrgh is female, and as such is one of the greatest warriors in all of Troll history; her speech impediment is caused by a rock lodged in her skull from a previous fight with Gunmar; Bular does not exist, and neither does Strickler; Changelings, actually, almost have no role; for some odd reason, Steve is a changeling, but this isn’t revealed until practically the last page; Claire is Scottish instead of Latina, and has no baby brother; one thing I loved about book!Claire that was not true of DW!Claire is that her background empowered her to actually be the strongest Trollhunter there (but unfortunately no one figured that out until the end); and one of the biggest differences between book and DW is that there is no mystical, powerful armor-providing amulet at all, but merely a medallion that translates Troll language for the wearer.

That said, there are a lot of things going for the book that were thoroughly delightful. I already mentioned a bit of Claire’s background, but she seemed so much deeper a character in the book than the show, despite having less time. The descriptions and writing style of the book were amazingly vivid and provocative. There was plenty of good humor, splendidly narrated scenes (which were sometimes so gross I nearly puked) and heartfelt relationships and character growth, all topped neatly with an epic and glorious climax. Nevertheless (and perhaps this is more my fault for binge-reading the book, or simply contrasting it with the show) the story line felt too rushed. The whole thing—Jim learning about Trolls, training as a warrior, adventuring with his friends, and trying to defeat Gunmar—was accomplished in the space of a week. The character growth and world-building, while undoubtedly present, felt rather insubstantial. I thought it was a good book, and not much more. But like I said, my prejudices are no doubt influencing my perception.

Now then....the show. Oh my word it was so much fun. I wasn’t expecting to enjoy a kids’ show as much as this--- I didn’t really have any expectations, actually, but it blew me away. First, it should be addressed that yes, there are a lot of blatant fantasy series tropes present: the “chosen one” scenario and a magical amulet being among them. Other overused concepts that I’ve seen bugging people are the overweight, comic-relief sidekick, cookie-cutter perfect crush, and some evil villain who *yawn* wants to take over the world. Somehow, though, these were all handled spectacularly and I kept finding myself surprised by what happened next. There was actually a diverse group of villains with different motivations and depths, and I find myself empathizing with a few. They provided gray area and growth where other fantasy series are normally quite stale (Redemption arcs, anyone???) And there was some intense character growth with Draal, who started out as a total ass but then became one of my favorite characters without my knowing. Speaking of Draal, the plot armor was remarkably thin. Sure, there definitely was plot armor because it’s a kids’ show, but how little it was used and how dark the storytelling got was surprising, but I loved it (things began to make sense when I looked up the other movies del Toro has worked on). I love shows that take so many dark turns you wonder how things will work out, but the characters end up prevailing in believable and inspiring ways (I literally wiped my forehead and breathed “whew” after one particular harrowing escape). Further, watching a protagonist I actually like was an unusual delight. In addition to being steadfast, heroic, and practically overflowing with integrity, Jim has an amazing relationship with his mom. I feel like in most shows, good parental relationships go vastly underutilized, and it led to so much depth in both their characters. Finally, the animation and voice acting was stupendous. The action and fight-scene choreography were gorgeous, and even the smallest changes in expression were so beautifully done I could melt. Also, there are so many talented people on the cast it would take me much too long to talk about.

While I do have my complaints about the show (those little goblins annoy me to no end, Claire’s character did seem a little bland, and the plot did slow down a little in the second half) all in all, it is an awesome show with beautiful storytelling, lovable characters, deep growth, villains both terrifying and likeable, and wildly exciting adventures. I would not hesitate to recommend Trollhunters to anyone.